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SETUBANDHA
117
77. 'During separation from thee, I kept somehow alive in the hope of seeing thee, and thus have I seen thee. My hopes, although they were coming to fruition, were not fulfilled.
78. 'The Earth will have another lord, and Royal Fortune pass to many an eminent man. How is it that this uncommon widowhood hath befallen me alone?
79. 'I exclaimed 'what is this?' and stared at the head with wide eyes. When, my lord, it clearly turned out to be thine, I merely wept,19 bereft of shame.
80. 'It would have been true to say that I endured separation from thee, and sojourned with the Rākṣasa women friends, only to see thee, had my life departed even now.20
as with
81. 'Although there is ground for joy, because I could see thee with ease by a mere effort,21 now that thou hast gone to the other world, my heart is on fire, because I did not see Ravana killed.
82. 'My face is not stained with tears, 22 nor does any bond of hope restrain my heart. Then, on reflection, I know not what holds my life back.
83. "Thou didst cross the ocean, and accept even death for my sake. Thy task, my lord, was fulfilled, but my ungrateful heart beats23 even now.
84. 'Recounting by virtues, o Rāma, people will praise thee as valiant, but will cease to talk about me, remembering me as one that lacked womanly character.24
85. 'My hopes that I shall see Ravana's heads, severed by thy arrows, and flung to the ground, are reversed, being thwarted by fate.
19. Instead of dying.
20. i.e., as she did not die on seeing Rama's severed head, she could not claim that she had preserved her life only in the hope of seeing him again.
21. i.e., by suicide.
22. i.e., her grief is too deep for tears. This indicates also desperation. Cf. verse 117. Acc. to some commentators: my face does not check the tears.
23 Lit, abides.
24. i.e. the courage to die.
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