Atmakatha

Author(s): Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, Gandhiji
Publisher: Sasta Sahitya Mandal Delhi
Catalog link: https://jainqq.org/explore/100001/1

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satyake prayoga athavA prAtmakathA lekhaka mohanadAsa karamacaMda gAMdhI anuvAdaka haribhAU upAdhyAya 1648 sastA sAhitya maMDala naI dillI

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prakAzaka mArtaDa upAdhyAya, maMtrI, sastA sAhitya maMDala, naI dillI . navIM bAra : 1948 sajilda mUlya sAr3he cAra rupaye mudraka dillI presa naI dillI

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sAtaveM saMskaraNa ke bAre meM Ajase koI aThAraha sAla pahale maiMne 'grAtmakathA' kA hindI anuvAda kiyA thA / usake bAda yaha pahalA maukA hai jaba ki maiM use duharAnekA samaya nikAla pAyA hUM | hiMdI meM abataka isake cha: saMskaraNa nikala cuke haiM / kucha mitroMne isa bAtakI ora dhyAna bhI dilAyA ki maiM eka bAra phira mUla gujarAtI se milAkara anuvAdako dekha jAUM to acchA rahe / mere pAsa isa samaya gujarAtI 'AtmakathA' kI chaThI prAvRtti hai, jo 1940 meM prakAzita huI thii| usase milAkara, isameM jahAM kahIM kasara yA truTi mAlUma huI hai maiMne use ThIka karanekA prayAsa kiyA hai / apanA hI likhA hama jaba-jaba dekhate haiM taba-taba kucha-na-kucha sudhAra karanekI icchA ho jAtI hai, to phira 18 sAla pahalekA anuvAda dekhane se mujhe yoM bhI zabdoM bhASA saMbaMdhI kaI sudhAra sUjhanA svAbhAvika thA / maiMne isameM kaMjUsI se kAma nahIM liyA hai / pUjya bApUkI isa pavitra kathA aura anamola prayogoMko phirase eka vAra acchI taraha par3hane kA jo suavasara milA usase merI zrAtmAko bhI acchI khurAka milI; kaI purAnI bhAvanAeM naye sirese jAga uThIM, unake prakAzameM apanI kamiyoM va kamajoriyoMko bhI dekhane va parakhanekA maukA milA ; yaha amiTa chApa phirase hRdaya para par3I ki bApUkI yaha 'AtmakathA' usake pratikSaNa vikAsazIla divya jIvanakI taraha, pAThakoMko vAstavameM nita naI satyakI preraNA va prakAza dene vAlI hai aura satyakI zodhake itihAsa meM isakA amara sthAna hai / kyA acchA ho ki bApU apane aba takake satyake aura bhI mahAn prayoga va anubhavoMkI kathA aura likha ddaaleN| mujhe vizvAsa hai ki satyake isa niDara upAsakake agale anubhava adhika divya va zradbhuta hoMge aura unase saMsArako eka naI rozanI milegI / gAMdhI Azrama, haTUMDI ( ajamera) zItalA saptamI, 2002 vi0 } --haribhAU upAdhyAya

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Page #5
anuvAdakakI orase (prathama saMskaraNa) yaha merA ahobhAgya hai ki mahAtmAjIkI 'AtmakathA ke hindI anuvAdakA avasara mujhe milA / 'navajIvana meM Atma-kathAke prakAzita hone ke pahale hI maiM 'hindI-navajIvana'ko chor3akara, mahAtmAjIkI AjJAse, rAjasthAnameM kAma karaneke lie A cukA thaa| mere bAda kaI bhAiyoMke hAthoM meM hindI-navajIvana'kA kAma rahA aura Atma-bAthAkA anuvAda bhI usameM kAI mitroM dvArA huaa| ataeva usameM bhASA-zailIkA eka-sA na rahanA svAbhAvika thaa| parantu use pustaka-rUpameM prakAzita karane ke lie yaha Avazyaka samajhA gayA ki anuvAda kisI eka vyaktise karAyA jaay| yaha nirNaya hote hI maiMne bhUkhe bhikhArIkI taraha, jhapaTa kara, anuvAdakA bhAra apane sirapara le liyaa| sacamuca, vaha dina mere bar3e sabhAgyatA dina thaa| anuvAda maiMne gujarAtIse kiyaa| mUla kathA mahAtmAjI gujarAtI meM hI likha rahe haiN| aMgrejI anuvAdameM bahuta svataMtratA lI gaI hai / ataeva aMgrejIse hiMdI ulthA karane meM hiMdI anuvAda mUla gujarAtI se bahuta dUra jA pdd'taa| mahAtmAjI gujarAtI meM bar3e thor3e meM, aura bahuta khUbIse, apane hRdayake gUr3ha bhAvoMko vyakta kara dete haiN| unakA anuvAda karanA, kaI bAra bar3A kaThina ho jAtA hai / bhAvako vizada karane jAte haiM to bhASA-sauMdarya nahIM nibha pAtA aura bhASA-sauMdaryapara dhyAna dene lagate haiM to bhAvameM gar3abar3I par3ane lagatI hai| maiMne kahIM-kahIM bhASAke vicit aTapaTepanako svIkAra karake bhI mahAtmAjIkI mArmika vAkya-racanAko kAyama rakhanekI koziza kI hai| pAThaka mahAtmAjIke aise vAkyoMko 'pArSa' vAkya hI samajha leN| dUsare hiMdIbhASA jyoM-jyoM rASTra bhASAkI yogyatA aura zreSTatAko pahuMcatI jAyagI tyoM-tyoM usakA 'paradekI bIbI' banI rahanA mAgaMbhava hotA jAyagA / use gujarAtI, marAThI, baMgAlI Adi ke suMdara aura mArmika zabda-prayogoMko apanAkara apanA bhaMDAra bhare vinA gujara nhiiN| isa dRSTise to isa anuvAdake aise zabda-prayoga merI rAyameM kevala kSamya hI nahIM, svAgata-yogya bhI haiM /

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rahA anuvAda / so isakI acchAI-burAIke bAre meM mujhe kucha bhI kahanekA adhikAra nhiiN| mUla vastukI advitIyatAse to koI inkAra nahIM kara sktaa| anuvAdameM yadi mUlakI uttamatAse pAThakako vaMcita rahanA par3e to apanI isa asamarthatAkA doSa-bhAgI maiM avazya huuN| javase maiMne anuvAdako hAtha meM liyA hai, maiM muzkilase eka jagaha Thaharane pAyA hUM-- jahAM Thaharane bhI pAyA hUM, tahAM anyAnya kAmoMmeM bhI lagA rahanA par3A hai| ataeva jitanA jaldI maiM cAhatA thA, isa anuvAdako pUrA na kara skaa| isakA mujhe bar3A duHkha hai / pAThakoMkI bar3I huI utsukatAko yadi yaha anuvAda pasaMda huA to merA duHkha kama ho jaaygaa| abhI to yaha bhAva ki maiM mahAtmAjIke isa prasAdako hiMdI pAThakoMke sAmane pustaka-svarUpameM rakhanekA nimitta-bhAgI banA hUM, usa duHkhako kama kara rahA hai| aura jaba merI dRSTi isa anuvAdake bhAvI kAryakI ora jAtI hai, taba to mujhe isa sobhAgyapara garva hone lagatA hai| mujhe vizvAsa hai ki mahAtmAjIkI yaha ujjvala 'yAtma-kathA' bhUmaNDalake AtmAthiyoMke lie eka divya prakAzapathakA kAma degI aura unheM AzA tathA AtmAkA amara saMdeza sunAvegI / ujjaina, phAlguna zukla 8, saMvat 1984. - haribhAU upAdhyAya

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prastAvanA cAra-pAMca sAla pahale, apane najadIka sAthiyoMke prAgrahase, maiMne 'AtmakathA' likhanA maMjUra kiyA thA aura zurUAta bhI kara dI thii| paraMtu eka pRSTha bhI na likha sakA thA ki baMbaI meM daMgA ho gayA, aura grAgekA kAma jahAM kA tahAM raha gayA / usake bAda to mai itane kAmoMmeM ulajhatA gayA, ki aMtako mujhe yaravaDAyeM jAkara zAMti milii| yahAM zrI jayarAmadAsa bhI the| unhoMne cAhA ki maiM, apane dUsare tamAma kAmoMko eka ora rakhakara sabase pahale 'Atma kathA' likha DAlUM / maiMne unheM kahalAyA ki mere adhyayanakA krama bana cukA hai, aura usake pUrA hone ke pahale maiM 'zrAtma kathA' zurU na kara sakUMgA / yadi mujhe pUre chaH sAla yaravaDAmeM rahanekA saubhAgya prApta huA hotA, to maiM avazya vahIM 'Atma kathA' likha DAlatA / para adhyayana kramako pUrA hone meM abhI eka sAla bAkI thA aura usake pahale maiM kisI taraha likhanA zurU na kara sakatA thA / isa kAraNa vahAM bhI vaha raha gaI / aba svAmI AnaMdane phira vahI bAta uThAI hai / idhara maiM bhI da0 pra0 ke satyAgrahakA itihAsa pUrA kara cukA hUM, isalie, 'Atma - kathA' likhaneko mana ho rahA hai / svAmI to yaha cAhate the ki pahale maiM sArI kathA likha DAlUM aura phira vaha pustakAkAra prakAzita ho / para mere pAsa eka sAtha itanA samaya nahIM / hAM 'navajIvana' ke lie to raphtA raphtA likha sakatA hUM / idhara 'navajIvana' ke lie bhI hara haphtA mujhe kucha-na-kucha likhanA par3atA hai, to phira 'grAtma kathA' hI kyoM na likhUM ? svAmIne isa nirNayako svIkAra kiyA, aura aba jAkara 'grAtma kathA' likhanekI bArI AI | para maiM yaha nirNaya kara hI rahA thA -- vaha somavArakA merA mauna dina thA -- ki eka nirmala hRdaya sAthIne grAkara kahA-

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"Apa 'yAtma-kathA' likhakara kyA kareMge? yaha to pazcimakI prathA hai| hamAre pUrva meM to zAyada hI kisIne 'Atma-kathA' likhI ho| aura phira Apa likheMge bhI kyA ? Aja jisa bAtako siddhAMtake taurapara mAnate haiM, kala use na mAnane lageM to? athavA usa siddhAMtake anusAra jo kAma Apa Aja karate haiM unameM bAdako parivartana karanA par3e to? Apake lekhoMko bahuta loga pramANa mAnakara apanA jIvana banAte haiN| unheM yadi galata rAstA milA to ? isalie abhI 'Atma-kathA'ke rUpameM kucha likhane kI jaldI na kareM to ThIka hogaa|" isa dalIlakA thor3A-bahuta asara mujhapara huaa| para maiM 'prAtma-kathA' kahAM likha rahA hUM? maiM to 'Atma-kathA'ke bahAne apane una prayogoMkI kathA likhanA cAhatA hUM, jo maiMne satyake lie samaya-samaya para kiye haiN| hAM, yaha bAta sahI hai, ki merA sArA jIvana aise hI prayogoM se bharA huA hai / isalie yaha kathA eka jIvana-vRttAntakA rUpa dhAraNa kara legii| para yadi isakA eka-eka pRSTha mere prayogoMke varNanase hI bharA ho to isa kathAko maiM svayaM nirdoSa maanuuNgaa| yaha mAnatA hUM--athavA yoM kahiye, mujhe aisA moha hai--ki mere tamAma prayoga yadi logoMke sAmane A jAyaM, to isase unheM lAbha hI hogaa| rAjanaitika kSetrake mere prayogoMko tto bhAratavarSa jAnatA hai-- yahI nahIM unnata mAnI jAnevAlI duniyA bhI, thor3A bahuta jAnatI hai / para merI dRSTimeM usakA mUlya bahuta kama hai aura cUMki inhIM prayogoMke kAraNa mujhe 'mahAtmA' pada milA hai, isalie mere najadIka to usakA mUlya bahuta hI kama hai / apane jIvanameM bahuta bAra isa vizeSaNase mujhe bar3A duHkha pahuMcA hai| mujhe eka bhI aisA kSaNa yAda nahIM par3atA, jaba isa vizeSaNase maiM mana meM phUla uThA houu| para, hAM, apane una AdhyAtmika prayogoMkA varNana avazya mujhe priya hogA, jinheM ki akelA maiM hI jAna sakatA hUM aura jinakI badaulata merI rAjanaitika-kSetra saMbaMdhI zakti utpanna huI hai| aura yadi ye prayoga sacamuca prAdhyAtmika hoM, to phira unameM phUlaneke lie jagaha hI kahAM hai ? unake varNanakA phala to namratAkI vRddhi hI ho sakatI hai| jyoM-jyoM meM vicAra karatA jAtA hUM, apane bhUtakAlake jIvanapara dRSTi DAlatA jAtA hUM tyoM-tyoM mujhe apanI alpatA sAphasApha dikhAI detI hai / jo bAta mujhe karanI hai, Aja 30 sAlase jisake lie maiM udyoga kara rahA hUM, vaha to hai--Aga-darzana, IzvarakA sAkSAtkAra, mokSa /

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mere jIvanakI pratyeka kriyA isI dRSTise hotI hai / maiM jo kucha likhatA hUM, vaha bhI saba isI uddezase; aura rAjanaitika kSetrameM jo maiM kUdA so bhI isI bAtako sAmane rakhakara / paraMtu zurU hIse merI yaha rAya rahI hai ki jisa bAtako eka AdamI kara sakatA hai use saba loga kara sakate haiN| isalie mere prayoga khAnagI taura para nahIM hue aura na vaise rahe hii| isa bAtase ki saba loga unheM dekha sakate haiM, unakI AdhyAtmikatA kama hotI hogI, yaha maiM nahIM maantaa| hAM, kitanI hI bAteM aisI jarUra hotI haiM jinheM hamArI AtmA hI jAnatI hai, jo hamArI AtmAmeM hI samAI rahatI haiN| paraMtu aisI bAta to merI pahuMcake bAharakI bAta huii| mere prayogameM to AdhyAtmika zabdakA artha hai naitika, dharmakA artha hai nIti, aura jisa nItikA pAlana aAtmika dRSTise kiyA ho vahI dharma hai ; isalie isa kathAmeM unhIM bAtoMkA samAveza rahegA, jinakA nirNaya bAlaka yuvA, vRddha karate haiM aura kara sakate haiN| aisI kayAko yadi maiM taTastha bhAvase, nirabhimAna rahakara, likha sakA, to usase anya prayoga karane vAloMko apanI sahAyatAke lie kucha masAlA avazya milegaa| maiM yaha nahIM kahatA ki mere ye prayoga saba taraha sampUrNa haiN| maiM to itanA hI kahatA hUM ki jisa prakAra eka vijJAnazAstrI apane prayogakI atizaya niyama aura vicAra-pUrvaka sUkSmatAke sAtha karate hue bhI utpanna pariNAmoMko aMtima nahIM batAtA, athavA jisa prakAra unakI satyatAke viSayama yadi sazaMka nahIM to taTastha rahatA hai, usI prakAra mere prayogoMko samajhanA caahie| maiMne bharasaka khUba Atma-nirIkSaNa kiyA hai, apane manake eka-eka bhAva kI chAnabIna kI hai, unakA vizleSaNa kiyA hai| phira bhI maiM yaha dAvA haragija nahIM karanA cAhatA ki unake pariNAma sabake lie aMtima haiM, ve satya hI hai, athavA vahIM satya haiN| hAM, eka dAvA avazya karatA hUM ki ve merI dRSTise sacce haiM aura isa samaya taka to mujhe aMtima jaise mAlUma hote haiN| yadi ye aise na mAlUma hote hoM to phira inake AdhAra para majhe koI kAma uThA lenekA adhikAra nhiiN| para maiM to jitanI cIjeM sAmane AtI haiM unake, kadama-kadama para do bhAga karatA jAtA hUM--grAhya aura tyAjya ; aura jisa vAta ko grAhya samajhatA hUM usake anusAra apane pAcaraNako banAtA hUM, evaM jabataka aisA yAcaraNa mujhe---arthAt merI buddhiko aura pApAko---

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'10 saMtoSa detA hai taba taka usake zubha pariNAma para mujhe avazya aTala vizvAsa rahatA hai| yadi maiM kevala siddhAMtoMkA arthAt tattvoMkA hI varNana karanA cAhatA hotA to maiM 'Atma-kathA' na likhtaa| paraMtu maiM to unake AdhArapara uThAye gae kAryoMkA itihAsa denA cAhatA hUM, aura isalie maiMne isa prayatnakA pahalA nAma rakkhA hai 'satyake pryog'| isameM yadyapi ahiMsA, brahmacarya yA to jAyaMge; paraMtu mere nikaTa to satya hI sarvopari hai, aura usameM agaNita vastunoMkA samAveza ho jAtA hai| yaha satya sthUla arthAt vAcika satya nahIM hai / yaha to vAcA kI taraha vicArakA bhI satya hai / yaha satya kevala hamArA kalpanAgata satya hI nahIM, balki svataMtra cirasthAyI satya, arthAt svayaM paramezvara hI hai / . paramezvarakI vyAkhyAeM agaNita hai; kyoMki usakI vibhUtiyAM bhI agaNita hai| vibhUtiyAM mujhe Azcaryacakita to karatI hai, mujhe kSaNa bhara ke lie mugdha bhI karatI haiM, para maiM to pujArI hUM satya-rUpI paramezvarakA hI / merI dRSTimeM yaha ekamAtra satya hai, dUsarA saba kucha mithyA hai| para yaha satya aba taka mere hAtha nahIM lagA hai, abhI taka mai to usakA zodhaka-mAtra huuN| hAM, usakI zodhake lie maiM apanI priya-se-priya vastuko bhI chor3a dene ke lie taiyAra hUM; aura isa zodharUpI yajJameM apane zarIrako bhI homa dene kI taiyArI kara lI hai| mujhe vizvAsa hai * ki itanI zakti mujhameM hai| paraMtu jaba taka isa satyakA sAkSAtkAra nahIM ho jAtA taba taka merI antarAtmA jise satya samajhatI hai usI kAlpanika satyako apanA, AdhAra mAnakara, dIpa-stambha samalakara, usake sahAre meM apanA jIvana vyatIta karatA huuN| yaha mArga yadyapi lalavArakI dhArapara calane jaimA durgama hai, tathApi majhe to anubhavase atyaMta sarala mAlUma huA hai| isa rAste jAte hue apanI bhayaMkara bhUleM bhI mere lie mAmUlI ho gaI hai| kyoMki ina bhUloM ko karate hue bhI maiM khAiyoM aura khaMdakoMme bana gayA hUM aura apanI samakake anusAra nI Age bhI bar3A hN| para yahIM taka basa nahIM; hAM, dUra-dUraro vizuddha macA-yagI---- annaka bhI dekha rahA huuN| merA yaha vizvAsa dina-dina bar3hanA jAtA hai ki sRSTi meM eka-mAtra satyakI hI sanA hai aura usako ginA dUsarA koI nahIM hai / yaha vidhAna jilA naraha

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bar3hatA gayA hai, yaha bAta mere jagat arthAt 'navajIna' ityAdike pAThaka cAheM to zaukase mere prayogoMmeM hissedAra baneM tathA usa satya paramAtmAkI jhalaka bhI mere sAthasAtha dekheN| phira maiM yaha bAta adhikAdhika mAnatA jAtA hUM ki jitanI bAteM maiM kara sakatA hUM, utanI eka bAlaka bhI kara sakatA hai| aura isake lie mere pAsa savala kAraNa hai| satyakI zodhake kAraNa jitane kaThina dikhAI dete haiM, utane hI sarala haiN| abhimAnako jo bAta azakya mAlUma hotI hai vahI eka bhole-bhAle zizuko bilakula sarala mAlUma hotI hai| satyake zodhakako eka raja-kaNase bhI nIce rahanA par3atA hai| sArI duniyA raja-kaNako pairoM tale rauMdatI hai; para satyakA pujArI to jabataka itanA choTA nahIM bana jAtA ki raja-kaNa bhI use kucala sake, tabataka svataMtra satyakI jhalaka bhI honA durlabha hai| yaha vAta vasiSTha-vizvAmitrake AkhyAnameM acchI taraha spaSTa karake batAI gaI hai| IsAI dharma aura islAma bhI isI bAtako sAbita karate haiM / Age jo prakaraNa kramazaH likhe jAyaMge unameM yadi pAThakako mere abhimAnakA bhAsa ho to avazya samajhanA cAhie ki merI zodhameM kabhI hai aura merI ve jhalakeM mRga-jalake sadRza hai| maiM to cAhatA hUM ki cAhe mujha jaise anekoMkA kSaya ho jAya, para satyakI sadA jaya ho| alpAtmAko nApane ke lie satyakA gaja kabhI choTA na bane / maiM cAhatA hUM, merI vinaya hai, ki mere lekhoMko koI pramANabhRta na mAne / unameM pradarzita prayogoMko udAharaNa-rUpa mAnakara saba apane-apane prayoga yathAzakti aura yathAmati kareM, itanI hI merI icchA hai / mujhe vizvAsa hai ki isa saMkucita kSetrameM, aAtmA-saMbaMdhI mere lekhoMse bahuta kucha sahAyatA mila sakegI / kyoMki eka bhI aisI bAta jo kahane lAyaka hai, chipAUMgA nhiiN| pAThakoMko apane doSoMkA paricaya meM pUrA-pUrA karAne kI AzA rakhatA huuN| kyoMki mujhe to satyake vaijJAnika prayogoMkA varNana karanA hai / yaha dikhAnekI ki maiM kaisA acchA hUM mujhe tila-mAtra icchA nahIM hai / jisa nApase maiM apaneko nApanA cAhatA hUM aura jo nApa hama sabako apane lie rakhanA cAhie, use dekhate hue to maiM avazya kahUMgA--- mo sama kauna kuTila khala kaamii| jina tanu diyo tAhi bisarAyo aiso nimakaharAmI //

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: 12 : kyoMki jise maiM solahoM mAne vizvAsake sAtha apane zvAsocchvAsakA svAmI mAnatA hUM, jise maiM apane namakakA dene vAlA mAnatA hUM, usase meM abhI taka dUra hUM aura yaha bAta mujhe pratikSaNa kAMTekI taraha cubha rahI hai| isake kAraNa - rUpa apane vikAroMko maiM dekha to sakatA hUM; para zrava bhI unheM nirmUla nahIM kara pAyA hUM / para aba ise samApta karatA hUM / prastAvanAse haTakara yahAM prayogoM kI kathA meM praveza nahIM kara sakatA / yaha to kathA prakaraNoMmeM hI pAThakako milegI / - mohanadAsa karamacanda gAMdhI satyAgrahAzrama, sAbaramatI, mArgazIrSa zuklA 11, 1682.

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viSaya-sUcI viSaya pRSTha viSaya 21. 'nirbalake bala rAma' 74 3 22. nArAyaNa hemacaMdra 6 23. mahApradarzinI 8 24. bairisTara to hue--lekina Age ? 14 25. merI duvidhA o mr 0 0 009 0 ___ pahalA bhAga janma bacapana 3. bAla-vivAha 4. patideva 5. hAI skUlameM 6. duHkhada prasaMga--1 7. duHkhada prasaMga--2 8. corI aura prAyazcitta 9. pitAjIkI mRtyu aura merI zarma 10. dharmakI jhalaka 11. vilAyatakI taiyArI 12. jAti-bahiSkAra 13. Akhira vilAyatameM 14. merI pasandagI 15. 'sabhya' vezameM 16. parivartana 17. bhojanake prayoga 18. jhepa--merI DhAla 19. asatya-rUpI jahara 20. dhArmika paricaya 0 x mr 7 9 mm x dUsarA bhAga 26 . 1. rAyacaMdabhAI 2. saMsAra-praveza 30 3. pahalA mukadamA pahalA grAghAta dakSiNa aphrIkAkI 41 taiyArI .. 44 6. neTAla pahuMcA 106 48 7. kucha anubhava 109 51 8. priToriyA jAte hue 112 55 9. aura kaSTa 117 58 10. priToriyAmeM pahalA dina 121 62 11. IsAiyoMse paricaya 125 66 12. bhAratIyoMse paricaya 129 71 13. kulIpanakA anubhava 131

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: 14 . : 220 dezameM viSaya pRSTha viSaya pRSTha 14. mukadamekI taiyArI 134 10. boara-yuddha 215 15. dhArmika-maMthana 138 11. nagara-mRdhAra : akAla phaMDa 218 16. 'ko jAne kalakI?' 141 12. deza-gamana 17. basa gayA 224 18. varNa-dveSa 148 14. kArakuna aura 'verA' 227 19. neTAla iMDiyana kAMgresa 152 15. kAMgresameM 229 20. bAlAsuMdaram 155 16. lArDa karjanakA darabAra 231 21. tIna pauMDakA kara 158 17. gokhaleke sAtha 22. dharma-nirIkSaNa eka mAsa-1 233 23. gRha-vyavasthA 164 18. gokhaleke sAtha 24. dezakI pora eka mAsa-2 236 25. hiMdustAnameM . 171 19. gokhaleke sAtha 26. rAjaniSThA aura suzrUSA 174 eka mAsa-3 27. baMbaImeM sabhA 178 20. kAzImeM 241 28. pUnA aura madrAsameM 181 21. bambaImeM sthira humA 245 29. 'jaldI lauTo' 183 22. dharma-saMkaTa 248 tIsarA bhAga 23. phira dakSiNa aphrIkA 251 1. tUphAnake cihna 186 cauthA bhAga 2.. tUphAna 188 1. kimA-karAyA svAhA ? 254 3. kasauTI ___ 192 2. ezivA navAva nAhI 25.7 4. zAMti 196 3. jaharakI ghuTa pAnI 5. bAla-zikSaNa 199 paDI 259 6. sevA-bhAva 202 4. tyAga-bhAvakI buddhi 262 7. brahmacarya--1 205 5. nirIkSaNakA pariNAma 264 . 8. brahmacarya--2 208 6. nirAmipAmArakI vedI9. sAdagI para

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viSaya 7. miTTI aura pAnI ke prayoga 13. 8. eka cetAvanI 9. jabaradasta se mukAbalA 10. eka puNya smaraNa aura prAyazcitta 277 11. aMgrejoMse gAr3ha paricaya 280 12. aMgrejoMse paricaya (cAlU) 283 'iMDiyana opIniyana' 287 m . 14. 'kulI' lokezana' yA bhaMgITolA ? 15. mahAmArI - - 1 16. mahAmArI --2 17. lokezanakI holI 18. eka pustakakA camatkArI prabhAva 19. phiniksakI sthApanA 20. pahalI rAta 21. polaka bhI kUda par3e 22. 'jAko rAkhe sAiyAM' 23. gharame phera phAra aura bAla-zikSA 24. julU 'balavA' 25. hRdaya-maMthana 26. satyAgrahakI utpatti 27. bhojanake aura prayoga pRSTha 28. 269 29. 272 30. 275 31. 55 * 295 299 290 37. 293 38. 39. 40. 41. 301 42. 304 43. 44. 306 309 312 315 319 321 324 326 32. 33. 34. 35. 36. 45. 46. 47. 1. 2. viSaya patnI kI dRr3hatA ghara meM satyAgraha saMyamakI prora upavAsa mAsTara sAhaba akSara - zikSA Atmika zikSA acche-burekA mela prAyazcittake rUpameM upavAsa gokhalese milane lar3AImeM bhAga dharmakI samasyA satyAgrahakI cakamaka gokhalekI udAratA ilAja kyA kiyA ? vidA vakAlata kI kucha smRtiyAM cAlAkI ? mavavikala sAthI bane makkila jelase kaise bacA ? pAMcavAM bhAga pahalA anubhava gokhaleke sAtha pUnAmeM pRSTha 328 332 335 337 340 342 345 347 349 351 353 -356 358 362 364 367 369 372 374 375 379 381

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viSaya 3. dhamakI ? 4. zAMti niketana 5. tIsare darjekI phajIhata 6. merA prayatna 7. kuMbha 8. lakSmaNa jhUlA 9. zrAzramakI sthApanA 10. kasauTI para 11. giramiTa prathA 12. nIlakA dAga 13. bihArakI saralatA 14. ahiMsAdevIkA sAkSAtkAra 15. mukadamA vApasa 16. kArya-paddhati 17. sAthI 18. grAma praveza 19. ujjvala pakSa - 20. 21. pajadUroMse saMbaMdha zrAzramakI jhAMkI 22. upavAsa 23. kher3AmeM satyAgraha 24. 'pyAja - cora' 16 pRSTha 383 387 390 392 25. 26. 27. 28. 29. 393 398 401 30. 403 31. 406 32. 410 33. 413 34. 423 426 428 430 432 416 35. 420 36. viSaya pRSTha kher3AkI lar3AIkA aMta 444 aikya ke prayatna 446 raMgarUToMkI bhartI 449 vaha gradbhuta dRzya vaha saptAha ! vaha saptAha ! 'himAlaya jaisI bhUla' 'navajIvana' zrIra 'yaMga iMDiyA' paMjAbameM khilAphata ke badale gorakSA ? 37. zramRtasara-kAMgresa 38. kAMgresa meM praveza 39. khAdIkA janma 40. mila gayA 435 41. eka saMvAda 437 42. grahayoga pravAha 480 43. nAgapurameM 44. pUrNAhuti 442 mRtyu- zayyApara rauleTa ekTa aura merA dharma-saMkaTa 1 --2 455 459 463 465 470 474 476 878 48 1 485 489 491 493 496 498 502 503

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prAtmakathA

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janma gAMdhI-parivAra, kahate haiM, pahale paMsArIkA kAma karatA thaa| paraMtu mere dAdAse lekara tIna puztataka usane dIvAnagirI kI hai| jAna par3atA hai, uttamacaMda mAMdhI, urpha protA gAMdhI, bar3e TekavAle the| unheM rAja-daravArI sAjizoMke kAraNa, porabaMdara chor3akara jUnAgar3ha rAjyameM jAkara rahanA par3A thaa| vahAM gaye to unhoMne bAyeM hAthase navAba sAhabako salAma kiyaa| jaba kisIne isa spaSTa gustAkhI kA kAraNa pUchA, to uttara milA-- 'dAhinA hAtha to porabaMdarake supurda ho cukA hai| ___otA gAMdhIne eka-eka karake apana do vivAha kiye the| pahalI patnIse cAra lar3ake hue the aura dUsarIse do| lekina apanA bacapana yAda karate hue mujhe yaha khayAla taka nahIM pAtA ki ye bhAI sautele lagate the| unameM pAMcaveM karamacaMda gAMdhI, urpha kabA gAMdhI aura aMtima tulasIdAsa gAMdhI the| donoM bhAI bArI-bArIse porabaMdara meM dIvAna rahe the| kabA gAMdhI mere pilAjI the| porabaMdarakI dIvAnagirI chor3aneke bAda vaha 'rAjasthAnika korTa ke sabhAsada rahe the| isake pazcAt 'rAjakoTa meM aura phira kucha samaya vAMkAnerameM dIvAna rahe / mRtyuke samaya rAjakoTadarabArake peMzanara the| kayA gAMdhIke bhI eka-eka karake cAra vivAha hue the| pahalI do patniyoMse do lar3akiyAM thIM; aMtima, putalIbAIne eka kanyA aura tIna putra hue, jinameM sabase choTA meM haiN| gujarAta-bAlikAbAr3ane paMsArIko gAMdhI kahate haiN|--anu0

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 mere pitAjI kuTuMba- premI, satyapriya, zUra aura udAra paraMtu sAtha hI krodhI the / merA khayAla hai, kucha viSayAsakta bhI rahe hoMge / unakA aMtima vivAha cAlIsa varSakI avasthAke bAda huA thA / vaha rizvatase sadA dUra rahate the, aura isI kAraNa acchA nyAya karate the, aisI prasiddhi unakI hamAre kuTuMba meM tathA bAhara bhI thii| vaha rAjyake bar3e vaphAdAra the / eka bAra grasisTeMTa poliTikala ejeMTane rAjakoTa ke ThAkurasAhaba se apamAnajanaka zabda kahe to unhoMne usakA sAmanA kiyaa| sAhaba bigar3e aura kabA gAMdhIse kahA, mAphI maaNgo| unhoMne sApha inkAra kara diyaa| isase kucha ghaMTe ke lie unheM havAlAta meM bhI Tasa se masa na hue / taba sAhabako unheM chor3a denekA hukma denA par3A / pitAjIko dhana jor3anekA lobha na thA / isase hama bhAiyoMke lie vaha bahuta bor3I sampatti chor3a gaye the / rahanA par3A / para vaha pitAjIne zikSA kevala anubhava dvArA prApta kI thI / AjakI apara prAimarIke barAbara unakI par3hAI huI thI / itihAsa, bhUgola bilakula nahIM par3he the / phira bhI vyAvahArika jJAna itane UMce darajekA thA ki sUkSma se sUkSma praznoMko hala karane meM prathavA hajAra grAdamiyoMse kAma lenemeM unheM kaThinAI na hotI thI / dhArmika zikSA nahIM ke barAbara huI thI / paraMtu maMdiroMneM jAne se, kathA purANa sunanese, jo dharmajJAna asaMkhya hiMdunoMko sahaja hI milatA rahatA hai, vaha unheM thA / apane aMtima dinoMmeM eka vidvAn brAhmaNakI salAhase, joki hamAre kuTuMba mitra the, unhoMne gItA-pATha zurU kiyA thA, aura nitya kucha zloka pUjA ke samaya UMce svarase pATha kiyA karate the / mAtAjI sAdhvI strI thIM, aisI chApa mere dilapara par3I hai| vaha bahuta bhAvuka thiiN| pUjA-pATha kiye binA kabhI bhojana na karatIM, hamezA havelI - vaiSNava maMdira -- jAyA karatIM / jabase maiMne hoza samhAlA. mujhe yAda nahIM par3atA ki unhoMne kabhI cAturmAsa chor3A ho / kaThina se kaThina vrata vaha liyA karatI aura unheM nirvighna pUrA krtiiN| bImAra par3a jAnepara bhI vaha vrata na chodd'tiiN| aisA eka samaya mujhe yAda hai, jaba unhoMne cAMdrAyaNavrata kiyA thaa| bIca meM bImAra par3a gaIM, para vrata na chor3A / cAturmAsameM eka bAra bhojana karanA to unake lie mAmUlI bAta thii| itanese saMtoSa na mAnakara eka bAra cAturmAsameM unhoMne hara *

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adhyAya 1 : janma 5 tIsare dina upavAsa kiyaa| eka sAtha do-tIna upavAsa to unake lie eka mAmUlI bAta thI / eka cAturmAsameM unhoMne aisA vrata liyA ki sUryanArAyaNa ke darzana honepara hI bhojana kiyA jAya / isa caumAsemeM hama lar3akeloga grAsamAnakI tarapha dekhA karate ki kaba sUraja dikhAI par3e aura kaba mAM khAnA khAya / saba loga jAnate haiM ki caumAsemeM bahuta bAra sUrya-darzana muzkilase hote haiN| mujhe aise dina yAda haiM, raft hamane sUryako nikalA huA dekhakara pukArA hai-- 'mAM mAM, vaha sUraja nikalA, ' aura jabataka mAM jaldI-jaldI daur3akara bhAtI hai, sUraja chipa jAtA thaa| mAM yaha kahatI huI vApasa jAtI ki 'khaira, koI bAta nahIM, Izvara nahIM cAhatA ki Aja khAnA mile aura apane kAmoMmeM mazagUla ho jAtI / ' mAtAjI vyavahAra kuzala thiiN| rAja darabArakI saba bAteM jAnatI thIM / ranavAsameM unakI buddhimattA ThIka-ThIka grAMkI jAtI thii| jaba meM baccA thA, mujhe darabAragar3ha meM kabhI-kabhI vaha sAtha le jAtI aura 'bAmAM - - sAhaba' ( ThAkura sAhabakI vidhavA mAtA ) ke sAtha unake kitane hI saMvAda mujhe aba bhI yAda haiM / ina mAtA-pitA ke yahAM prazvina vadI 12 saMvat 1925 arthAt 2 aktUbara 1869 IsavIko porabaMdara athavA sudAmApurImeM merA janma huA / merA bacapana porabaMdara meM hI bItA / aisA yAda par3atA hai ki kisI pAThazAlA meM meM par3hane baiThAyA gayA thA / muzkilase kucha pahAr3e par3hA hoUMgA / usa samaya maiMne aura lar3akoMke sAtha mehatAjI -- mAsTara sAhaba ko sirpha gAlI denA sIkhA thA; itanA yAda par3atA hai / aura koI bAta yAda nahIM prAtI / isase yaha anumAna karatA hUM ki merI buddhi maMda rahI hogI aura smaraNazakti usa paMktiyoMke kacce pApar3akI taraha rahI hogI joki hama lar3ake gAyA karate the- ekar3e eka, pApar3a zeka, pApar3a kaccI... mAro... pahalI khAlI jagaha mAsTara sAhabakA nAma rahatA thA / unheM meM amara karanA nahIM cAhatA / dUsarI khAlI jagahameM eka gAlI rahatI, jise yahAM denekI zrAvazyakatA nahIM /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 porabaMdarase pitAjI 'rAjasthAnika korTa ke sabhya hokara jaba rAjakoTa gaye taba merI umra koI 7 sAlakI hogii| rAjakoTakI dehAtI pAThazAlAne maiM bharatI karAyA gyaa| isa pAThazAlAke dina mujhe acchI taraha yAda haiM / mAsTaroM ke nAma-ThAma bhI yAda haiN| porabaMdarakI taraha bahA~ko paDhAIkA baMdha meM bhI koI khArU bAta jAnane lAyaka nahIM / mAmUlI vidyArthI bhI muzkilane mAnA jAtA houuNgaa| pAThazAlAme phira Uparake skUla meM--aura vahA~le hAIskUla meM gyaa| yahAMtaka pahuMcate hue merA bArahavAM sAla purA ho gyaa| mujhe na to yahI yAda hai ki abataka maine kisI bhI zikSakase jhuTha bolA ho, na yahI ki kisIse mitratA jor3I ho| bAta yaha thI ki maiM bahuta jheMpU lar3akA thA, madarase meM gane kAmase kAma rkhtaa| ghaMTI lagate samaya pahuMca jAtA, phira skUla baMda hote hI ghara bhAga mAtA / 'bhAra aAtA' zabdakA prayoga maine jAna-bUjhakara kiyA hai, kyoMki mujhe kisIke nAtha bAleM karanA na suhAtA thA--mujhe yaha Dara bhI banA rahatA ki kahIM koI merI dillagI na ur3Ae ?' hAIskUlake pahale hI sAlake parIkSAke samayakI eka ghaTanA likhane yogya hai| zikSA-vibhAgake inspaikTara, jAilsa sAhava, nirIkSaNa karane aaye| unhoMne pahalI kakSAke vidyArthiyoMko pAMca zabda likhvaaye| unameM eka zabda.mA * keMTala' (Kettle) / use maiMne galata likhA / mAsTara sAhabane mujhe apane bUTaseM ballA dekara cetaayaa| para maiM kyoM cetane lagA? mere dimAg2ameM yaha bAta na AI ki mAsTara sAhaba mujhe Ageke lar3akekI sleTa dekhakara sahI likhanekA izArA ka" rahe haiN| maiM yaha mAna rahA thA ki mAsTara sAhaba yaha dekha rahe haiM ki hama dUsare nakala to nahIM kara rahe haiN| saba lar3akoMke pAMcoM zabda sahI nikale, eka meM hI budhU sAbita huaa| mAsTara sAhabane bAdameM merI yaha 'mUrkhatA' mujhe samajhA parantu usakA mere dilapara kucha asara na huaa| dUsaroMkI nakala karanA mujhe kanI na AyA

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adhyAya 2: bacapana bar3e-bUr3hoMke aiba na dekhanekA guNa mere svabhAvameM hI thaa| bAdako to ina mAsTara sAhabake dUsare aiba bhI merI najara meM Aye / phira bhI unake prati merA Adara-bhAva kAyama hI rhaa| maiM itanA jAna gayA thA ki hameM bar3e-bUr3hoMkI AjJA mAnanI cAhie, jaisA ve kaheM karanA cAhie; para ve jo-kucha kareM usake kAjI hama na bane / isI samaya aura do ghaTanAeM huI, jo mujhe sadA yAda rahI haiN| mAmUlI taura para mujhe korsakI pustakoMke alAvA kucha bhI par3hanekA zauka na thaa| isa khayAlase ki apanA pATha yAda karanA ucita hai, nahIM to ulAhanA sahana na hogA aura mAsTara sAhabase jhUTha bolanA ThIka nahIM, maiM pATha yAda karatA; para mana na lagA krtaa| isase sabaka kaI bAra kaccA raha jaataa| to phira dUsarI pustakeM par3hanekI to bAta hI kyA ? parantu pitAjI eka zravaNa-pita-bhakti nAmaka nATaka kharIda lAye the, usapara bherI najara pdd'ii| use par3hanako dila caahaa| bar3e cAvase maiMne une pddh'aa| inhIM dinoM zIze meM tasavIra dikhAne vAle loga bhI AyA krte| unameM maiMne yaha citra bhI dekhA ki zravaNa apane mAtA-pitAko kAMvarameM baiThAkara tIrthayAtrAke lie le jA rahA hai| ye donoM cIjeM mere aMtastala para aMkita ho gii| mere mana meM yaha bAta uThA karatI ki maiM bhI zravaNakI taraha banUM / zravaNa jaba marane lagA to usa samayakA usake mAtA-pitAkA vilApa aba bhI yAda hai| usa lalita chaMdako maiM bAjepara bhI bajAyA karatA / bAjA sIkhanekA mujhe zauka thA aura pitAjI ne eka bAjA kharIda bhI diyA thA / hai. isI arasemeM eka nATaka kaMpanI AI aura mujhe usakA nATaka dekhanekI chuTTI milii| harizcaMdrakA khela thaa| isako dekhate maiM adhAtA na thA, vAra-bAra use dekhaneko mana huA karatA / para yoM bAra-bAra jAne kauna dene lagA ? lekina apane manameM maiMne isa nATakako maikar3oM bAra khelA hogaa| harizcaMdrake sapane Ate / nAhI dhuna mamAI ki haridacaMdrakI taraha satyavAdI saba kyoM na hoM ? ' yahI dhAraNA jaimI ki harizcaMdrake jaisA vipattiyAM bhoganA, para satyako na chor3anA hI saccA suMtya hai| maiMne to yahI mAna liyA thA ki nATakameM jaisI vipattiyAM harizcaMdrapara par3I haiM, vaisI hI vAntavameM usapara par3I hoNgii| harizcaMdrake duHkhoMko dekhakara, unheM yAda kara-kara, maiM khUba royA huuN| Aja merI buddhi kahatI hai ki saMbhava hai, harizcaMdra koI aitihAsika vyakti na hoN| para mere hRdayameM to harizcaMdra aura zravaNa Aja bhI

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6 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 2 bacapana porabaMdara se pitAjI 'rAjasthAnika korTa ke sabhya hokara jaba rAjakoTa gaye taba merI umra koI 7 sAlakI hogI / rAjakoTakI dehAtI mAtA maiM bharatI karAyA gayA / isa pAThamAlAke dina mujhe acchI taraha yAda haiN| mAsTaroMke nAma-ThAma bhI yAda haiN| porabaMdarakI taraha vahAMko paDhAIke saMbaMdha meM bhI koI khAsa bAta jAnane lAyaka nahIM / mAmUlI vidyArthI bhI muzkila se mAnA jAtA hoUMgA : pAvAnAmeM phira Upara ke skUlameM- aura vahAMse hAIskUlameM gyaa| yahAMtaka pahuMcate hue merA bArahavAM sAla pUrA ho gayA / mujhe na to yahI yAda hai ki va maine kisI bhI zikSakase jhUTha bolA ho, na yahI ki kisI mitratA jor3I ho / bAta yaha thI ki meM bahuta jheMpU lar3akA thA, madarase meM apane kAmase kAma rakhatA / ghaMTI lagate samaya pahuMca jAtA, phira skUla baMda hote hI ghara bhAga jAtA / 'bhAga tA' zabdakA prayoga maiMne jAna-bUjhakara kiyA hai, kyoMki mujhe kisIke sAtha vAle karanA na suhAtA thA--- -- mujhe yaha Dara bhI banA rahatA ki 'kahIM koI merI dillagI na ur3Ae ?' 8 hAIskUla ke pahale hI sAlake parIkSAke samayakI eka ghaTanA likhane yogya hai / zikSA vibhAgake inspekTara, jAilsa sAhaba nirIkSaNa karane Aye / unhoMne pahalI kakSA vidyArthiyoMko pAMca zabda likhvaaye| unameM eka zabda keMTala' (Kettle) / use maiMne galata likhA / mAsTara sAhabane mujhe apane bUTase TalA dekara cetAyA / para maiM kyoM cetane lagA ? mere dimAg2ameM yaha bAta na AI ki mAsTara sAhaba mujhe yAgeke lar3akekI sleTa dekhakara sahI likhane kA izArA kama rahe haiN| maiM yaha mAna rahA thA ki mAsTara sAhaba yaha dekha rahe haiM ki hama dUsare nakala to nahIM kara rahe haiM / saba lar3akoMke pAMcoM zabda sahI nikale, eka meM hI buddhU sAbita huA / mAsTara sAhabane bAdameM merI yaha 'mUrkhatA' mujhe samajhAna parantu usakA mere dilapara kucha asara na huaa| dUsaroMkI nakala karanA mujhe kabhI

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adhyAya 2 : vacapana bar3e-bUr3hoMke aiba na dekhanekA guNa mere svabhAvameM hI thA / bAdako to ina mAsTara sAhabake dUsare aiba bhI merI najara meM Aye / phira bhI unake prati merA zrAdara-bhAva kAyama hI rahA / maiM itanA jAna gayA thA ki hameM bar3e-bUr3hoMkI prAjJA mAnanI cAhie, jaisA ve kaheM karanA caahie| para ve jo kucha kareM usake kAjI hama na baneM / isI samaya aura do ghaTanAeM huI, jo mujhe sadA yAda rahI haiN| mAmUlI taura para mujhe korsakI pustakoMke alAvA kucha bhI par3hane kA zauka na thA / isa khayAla se ki apanA pATha yAda karanA ucita hai, nahIM to ulAhanA sahana na hogA aura mAsTara sAhabase jhUTha bolanA ThIka nahIM, maiM pATha yAda karatA; para mana na lagA krtaa| isase sabaka kaI bAra kaccA raha jaataa| to phira dUsarI pustakeM par3hanekI to bAta hI kyA ? parantu pitAjI eka (zravaNa-pitR-bhakti nAmaka nATaka kharIda lAye the, usapara merI najara pdd'ii| use par3haneko dila cAhA / bar3e cAvase maiMne use pddh'aa| inhIM dinoM zIzemeM tasavIra dikhAnevAle loga bhI AyA karate / unameM maiMne yaha citra bhI dekhA ki zravaNa apane mAtA-pitAko kAMvarameM baiThAkara tIrthayAtrA ke lie le jA rahA hai| ye donoM cIjeM mere aMtastala para aMkita ho giiN| mere mana meM yaha bAta uThA karatI ki maiM bhI zravaNakI taraha banUM / zravaNa jaba marane lagA to usa samayakA usake mAtA- pitAkA vilApa aba bhI yAda hai / usa lalita chaMdako meM bAjepara bhI bajAyA karatA / bAjA sIkhanekA mujhe zauka thA aura pitAjI ne eka bAjA kharIda bhI diyA thA / 7 isI arasemeM eka nATaka kaMpanI grAI aura mujhe usakA nATaka dekhanekI chuTTI milI | harizcaMdrA khela thA / isako dekhate maiM adhAtA na thA, bAra-bAra use dekhaneko mana huA karatA / para yoM bAra-bAra jAne kauna dene lagA ? lekina apane manameM maiMne isa nATakako saikar3oM bAra khelA hogA / harizcaMdrake sapanai thAte / sahI dhuna samAI ki harizcaMdra kI taraha satyavAdI saba kyoM na hoM ? ' yahI dhAraNA jamI ki harizcaMdrake jaisI vipattiyAM bhoganA, para satyako na chor3anA hI saccA nRtya hai| maiMne to yahI mAna liyA thA ki nATakameM jaisI vipattiyAM harizcaMdrapara par3I , vaisI hI vAstava meM usapara par3I hoMgI / harizcaMdrake duHkhoMko dekhakara unheM yAda kara-kara, maiM khUba royA huuN| Aja merI vRddhi kahatI hai ki saMbhava hai, harizcaMdra koI aitihAsika vyakti na hoM / para mere hRdayameM to harizcaMdra aura zravaNa prAja bhI

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8 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 jIvita haiN| Aja bhI yadi meM una nATakoMko par3ha pAUM to mAMsU prAye binA na raheM / 3 bAla-vivAha jI cAhatA hai ki yaha prakaraNa mujhe na likhanA par3e to acchA; paraMtu isa kathA meM mujhe aisI kitanI hI kar3avI ghaMTeM pInI par3eMgI / samyake pujArI honekA dAvA karake maiM isase kaise baca sakatA hUM ? yaha likhate hue mere hRdayako bar3I vyathA hotI hai ki 13 varSakI umra meM merA vivAha huA / Aja meM jaba 12-13 varSake baccoMko dekhatA hUM aura apane vivAhakA smaraNa ho AtA hai, taba mujhe apanepara tarasa Ane lagatI haiM aura una baccoMko isa bAta ke lie badhAI denekI icchA hotI hai ki ve merI durgatase aba taka bace hue haiM | teraha sAlakI umra meM hue mere isa vidAhake samarthanameM eka bhI naitika dalIla mere dimAgameM nahIM A sakatI / pAThaka yaha na samajheM ki meM sagAIkI bAta likha rahA hUM / sagAIkA to hotA hai mAM-bApa ke dvArA kiyA huA do lar3ake-lar3akiyoMke vivAhakA ThaharAva - vAgdAna / sagAI TUTa bhI sakatI hai| sagAI ho jAnepara yadi lar3akA mara jAya to usase kanyA vidhavA nahIM hotI / sagAIke mAmalemeM vara-kanyAkI koI pUcha nahIM hotii| donoMko khabara hue binA bhI sagAI ho sakatI hai / merI eka-eka kara tIna sagAiyAM huiiN| kiMtu mujhe kucha patA nahIM ki ye kaba ho gii| mujhame kahA gayA ki eka-eka karake do kanyAeM mara gaIM, taba maiM jAna pAyA ki merI tIna sagAiyAM huiiN| kucha aisA yAda par3atA haiM ki tIsarI sagAI sAteka sAlakI umra huI hogii| para mujhe kucha yAda nahIM AtA ki sagAIke samaya mujhe usakI khabara kI gaI ho| lekina vivAhameM to vara-kanyAkI upasthiti prAvazyaka hotI usameM dhArmika vidhi-vidhAna hote haiM / ataH yahAM maiM magAIkI nahIM, apane vivAha kI hI bAta kara rahA hUM / vivAhakA smaraNa to mujhe acchI taraha hai / pAThaka jAna hI gaye haiM ki hama tIna bhAI the| sabase bar3ekI zAdI ho

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adhyAya.3 : bAla-vivAha cukI thii| maMjhale bhAI mujhase do-tIna varSa bar3e the| mere pitAjIne tIna vivAha eka sAtha karanekA nizcaya kiyA-eka to maMjhale bhAIkA, dUsare mere cacera bhAI kA, jinakI umra mujhase zAyada ekAdha sAla jyAdA hogI, aura tIsarA meraa| isameM hamAre kalyANakA koI vicAra na thA, hamArI icchAkI to bAta hI kyA ? basa, kevala mAtA-pitAkI icchA aura kharca-varca kI suvidhA hI dekhI gaI thii| hiMdU-saMsArameM vivAha koI aisI-vaisI cIja nhiiN| vara-kanyAke mAMvApa vivAhake pIche barabAda ho jAte haiN| dhana bhI luTAte haiM aura samaya bhI barabAda karate haiN| mahInoM pahalese taiyAriyAM hone lagatI haiM, taraha-tarahake kapar3e taiyAra hote haiM, jevara banate haiM, jAti-mojoMkA takhamInA banAyA jAtA hai, kSAnekI cIz2oMkI hor3a-sI lagatI hai / striyAM, sura ho yA be-sura, gIta gA-gAkara apanA galA baiThA letI haiM, bImAra bhI par3a jAtI hai, aura par3osiyoMkI zAMti bhaMga karatI haiM so alg| par3osI bhI to jaba unake yahAM avasara AtA hai taba aisA hI karate haiM, isalie isa sAre zoragulako tathA bhojoMkI jUThana va dUsarI gaMdagIko cupacApa sahana kara lete haiN| yaha itanA jhaMjhaTa tIna bAra alaga-alaga karane ke bajAya eka hI bAra kara DAlanA kyA acchA nahIM ? 'kama kharca bAlA nazIna / ' kyoMki tIna vivAha eka-sAtha honese kharca bhI khule hAtha kiyA jA sakatA thaa| pitAjI aura cAcAjI vRddha the| hama loga the unake sabase choTe lar3ake / isalie hamAre vivAha-saMbaMdhI apanI umaMgako pUrA karanekA bhAva bhI unake manameM thA hii| ina kAraNoMse tIna 'vivAha ekasAtha karanekA nizcaya huA aura usake lie, jaisA ki maiM nikha cukA hUM, mahInoM pahalese naiyAriyAM hotI rahIM aura sAmagriyAM juTatI rhiiN| . hama bhAiyoMne to sirpha una taiyAriyAMsa hI jAnA ki hamAre vivAha honevAle haiN| mujhe to isa samaya ina manasUboMke alAvA ki acche-acche kapar3e pahaneMge, bAje bajate dekheMge, taraha-tarahakA bhojana, miThAI milegI, eka naI lar3akIke sAtha haMsI-khela kareMge, aura kisI vizeSa bhAvakA rahanA yAda nahIM aataa| viSayabhoga karane kA bhAva to pIchese utpanna huA / yaha kisa prakAra huaA, so maiM batA to sakatA hUM, parantu isakI jijJAsA pAThaka na rkkheN| apanI isa zarmapara maiM paradA DAle rakhanA cAhatA huuN| kiMtu jo bAteM unake jAnane yogya haiM, ve saba Age

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 AjAyegI---- bhI isalie ki jo madhya bidu mane apanI duSTi ke sAmana rakhAH hai, usakA kucha saMbaMdha unake boreke sAtha hai| hama donoM bhAiyoMko rAjakoTase porabaMdara le gye| vahAM haladI lagAne ityAdikI jo vidhiyAM huI ve rocaka to haiM, para unakA varNana chor3a dene hI lAyaka hai / pitAjI dIvAna the to kyA huna, zeto Akhima naukara hii| phira rAjapriya the, isalie aura bhI parAdhIna / ThAkura sAhabane pAribarI baratataka unheM jAne ndiyaa| phira jaba ijAjata dI bhI to do dina pahale, jayAka savArIkA jagahajagaha iMtijAma karanA pdd'aa| para dayA kucha aura hI soca rahA thA / jakoTa porabaMdara 60 kosa hai| bailagADIte 5 dinakA rAstA thaa| pitAjI tIna dinameM aaye| AkhirI maMjilapara tAMgA ulaTa gayA / pitAjIko sakhta coTa aaii| hAtha-pAMva aura vadanameM paTTiyAM bAMce ghara aaye| hamAre lie aura unake lie bhI vivAhakA AnaMda AdhA raha gyaa| paraMtu isase vivAha thor3e hI haka nakale the ? likhA muharta nahIM Tala sakatA thA aura maiM to vivAhake bAla-ullAsameM pitAjIkI coTako bhUla hI gayA / maiM jitanA pita-bhakta thA utanA hI viSaya-bhavata nii| yahAM viSaya se matalaba kisI eka iMdriyake viSayase nahIM, balki bhoga-mAtra hai| yaha hoza to abhI AnA bAkI thA ki gAtA-pitAkI bhaktike lie putrako apane saba sunA chor3a dene caahieN| aisA hote hue bhI, mAno isa bhogecchAko rAjA mujhe milanI ho, merI jiMdagImeM eka aisI durghaTanA huI, jo mujhe Aja bhI bAMTekI taraha cubhatI hai / jaba-jaba niSkulAnaMdakI yaha paMkti-- tyAga na Take re bairAga binA, kariye koTi upAya jo' gAtA athavA sunatA hUM, taba-tava yaha durdhaTanA aura kaTu-prasaMga mujhe yAda AtA hai ora zamindA karatA rahatA hai / . pitAjIne khuda mAno thappar3a mArakara apanA muMha lAla rkhnaa| zarIrame coTa aura pIr3Ake rahate hue bhI vivAha-zArya meM pUrA-pUrA yoga diyaa| pitAjI kisa avasarapara kahAM-kahAM baiThe the, yaha saba mujhe jyoM-kA-tyoM yAda hai ! bAla-vivAha para vicAra karate hue pitAjIke kAryapara jo TIkA-TippaNI mAja meM kara rahA hU~.. unakA sammAna nI usa samaya na prAyaH thaa| usa samaya to ma nAnA racikara

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adhyAna 4: patideva 11 zrIra ucita hI mAlUma hotI thiiN| kyoMki eka to vivAhako utsukatA thI aura dUsare pitAjI jo kucha karate the vaha saba usa samaya ThIka hI jAna par3atA thA / ataH usa samayakI smRti prAja bhI mere manameM tAjA hai / hamArA rANi grahaNa hunA, saptapadImeM vara-vadhU sAtha baiThe, donoMne ekadUsareko kasAra khilAyA, aura tabhIse hama donoM eka sAtha rahane lage / zroha vaha pahalI rAta ! do prabodha bAlaka binA jAne, binA samajhe, saMsAra-sAgara meM kUda par3e ! bhAbhIne sikhAyA ki pahalI rAtako mujhe kyA-kyA karanA cAhie / yaha yAda nahIM par3atA ki maiMne dharma-patnIse yaha pUchA ho ki unheM kisane sikhAyA thA / aba bhI pUchA jA sakatA hai; para aba to isakI icchAtaka nahIM hotI / pAThaka itanA hI jAna leM ki kucha aisA yAda par3atA hai ki hama donoM eka-dUsarese Darate aura zaramAte the / maiM kyA jAnatA ki bAteM kaise va kyA-kyA kareM ? sikhAI bAteM bhI kahAMtaka madada kara sakatI haiM ? para kyA ye bAteM sikhAnI par3atI haiM ? jahAM saMskAra prabala haiM, vahAM sikhAnA phijUla ho jAtA hai| dhIre-dhIre hamArA paricaya bar3hatA gyaa| AjAdI ke sAtha eka- dUsarese bolane - batalAne lage / hama donoM hama umra the, phira bhI maiM patideva bana baiThA ! patideva jina dinoM merA vivAha hugrA, choTechoTe nibaMdha - - paisepaise yA pAIpAI ke so yAda nahIM par3atA-chapA krte| inameM dAmpatya prema, mitavyayatA, bAla-vivAha ityAdi viSayoMkI carcA rahA karatI / inameM se koI-koI nibaMdha mere hAtha par3atA aura use maiM par3ha jAtA / zurU se yaha merI Adata rahI ki jo bAta par3hane meM acchI nahIM lagatI use bhUla jAtA aura jo acchI lagatI usake anusAra zrAcaraNa karatA / yaha par3hA ki eka -patnI vratakA pAlana karanA patikA dharma hai| basa, yaha mere hRdaya meM aMkita ho gayA / satyakI lagana to thI hI / isalie patnIko dhokhA yA bhulAbA denekA to sara hI thA / aura yaha bhI samajha cukA thA ki dUsarI strIse saMbaMdha

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12. Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 jor3anA pApa hai / phira komala vayameM eka patnI - vratake bhaMga honekI saMbhAvanA bhI kama hI rahatI hai / paraMtu ina sadvicAroMkA eka burA pariNAma nikalA / 'yadi meM ekapatnI vratakA pAlana karatA hUM, to merI patnIko bhI eka pati vratakA pAlana karanA caahie|' isa vicArase meM asahiSNu - IrSyAlu pati bana gayA / phira 'pAlana karanA cAhie' meMse 'pAlana karavAnA cAhie' isa vicArataka jA pahuMcA / aura yadi pAlana karavAnA ho to phira mujhe patnIkI caukIdArI karanI cAhie / patnIkI pavitratApara to saMdeha karanekA koI kAraNa na thA; paraMtu IrSyA kahIM kAraNa dekhane jAtI hai ? maiMne kahA--' patnI hamezA kahAM-kahAM jAtI hai, yaha jAnanA mere lie jarUrI hai, merI ijAjata liye binA vaha kahIM nahIM jA sakatI / merA yaha bhAva mere aura unake bIca duHkhada jhagar3ekA mUla bana baiThA / vinA ijAjata kahIM na jA pAnA to eka tarahakI kaida hI ho gaI ! paraMtu kasturabAI aisI miTTIkI na banI thIM, jo aisI kaidako baradAzta krtiiN| jahAM jI cAhe mujhase binA pUche jarUra calI jAtIM / jyoM-jyoM maiM unheM dabAtA tyoM-tyoM vaha adhika AjAdI letIM, 1 ra tyoM-hI-tyoM meM aura bigar3atA / isa kAraNa hama bAla-daMpatImeM bolA rahanA eka mAmUlI bAta ho gaI / kasturabAI jo AjAdI liyA karatoM use maiM bilakula nirdoSa mAnatA huuN| eka bAlikA jisake manameM koI pApa nahIM hai, deva-darzanako jAneke lie prathavA kisI se milane jAneke lie kyoM aisA dabAva sahana karane lagI ? 'yadi meM usapara dabAva rakkhUM to phira vaha mujhapara kyoM na rakkhe ?' para yaha bAta to aba samajha meM AtI hai / usa samaya to mujhe patidevakI sattA siddha karanI thI / para isase pAThaka yaha na samajheM ki hamAre isa gArhasthya jIvanameM kahIM miThAsa thI hI nahIM / merI isa vakratAkA mUla thA prema ! maiM apanI patnIko Adarza strI banAnA cAhatA thA / mere manameM ekamAtra yahI bhAva rahatA thA ki merI patnI svaccha ho, svaccha rahe, maiM sIkhUM so sIkhe, maiM par3ha so par3he aura hama donoM eka mana do-tana banakara raheM / * mujhe khayAla nahIM par3atA ki kastUrabAIke bhI manameM aisA bhAva rahA ho / vaha nirakSara thIM / svabhAva unakA sarala aura svataMtra thA / vaha parizramI bhI thI, para mere sAtha kama bolA karatIM / apane jJAnapara unheM saMtoSa na thA / apane Dui

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adhyAya 4: patideva m bacapana meM maiMne kabhI unakI aisI icchA nahIM dekhI ki 'vaha par3hate haiM to maiM bhI pddhuuN|" isase maiM mAnatA hUM ki merI bhAvanA ikataraphA thii| merA viSaya-sukha eka hI strIpara avalaMbita thA aura maiM usa sukhakI pratidhvanikI bhAzA lagAye rahatA thA / astu / prema yadi eka pakSIya bhI ho to vahAM sarvAMzameM duHkha nahIM ho sktaa|| mujhe kahanA cAhie ki maiM apanI patnIse jahAMtaka saMbaMdha hai, viSayAsakta thaa| skUlameM bhI usakA dhyAna aAtA, aura yaha vicAra manameM calA hI karatA ki kaba rAta ho aura kaba hama mileN| viyoga asahya ho jAtA thaa| kitanI hI UTa-paTAMga bAteM kaha-kahakara maiM kastUravAIko derataka sone na detaa| isa prAsaktita ke sAtha hI yadi mujhameM karttavyaparAyaNatA na hotI, to maiM samajhatA hUM, yA to kisI burI bImArImeM phaMsakara akAla hI kAlakavalita ho jAtA athavA apane aura duniyA ke lie bhArabhUta hokara vRthA jIvana vyatIta karatA hotaa| 'subaha hote hI nityakarma to hara hAlata meM karane cAhieM, jhUTha to bola hI nahIM sakate ' Adi apane ina vicAroM kI badaulata meM apane jIvana meM kaI saMkaToMse baca gayA huuN| maiM Upara kaha AyA hUM ki kastUrabAI nirakSara thiiN| unheM par3hAnekI mujhe bar3I cAha thii| para merI viSaya-vAsanA mujhe kaise par3hAne detI? eka to mujhe unakI marjIke khilApha par3hAnA thA, phira rAtameM hI aisA maukA mila sakatA thaa| bujurgoMke sAmane to patnIkI tarafa dekhataka nahIM sakate--bAta karanA to dUra rahA ! usa samaya kAThiyAvAr3ameM dhUMghaTa nikAlanekA nirarthaka aura jaMgalI rivAja thA, aAja bhI thor3A-bahuta bAkI hai| isa kAraNa par3hAneke avasara bhI mere pratikUla the| isalie mujhe kahanA hogA ki yuvAvasthAmeM par3hAnekI jitanI kozizeM maiMne kI ve saba prAyaH bekAra gaIM; aura jaba maiM viSaya-nidrAse jagA to taba sArvajanika jIvanameM par3a cukA thaa| isa kAraNa adhika samaya dene yogya merI sthiti nahIM raha gaI thii| zikSaka rakhakara par3hAneke mere yatna bhI viphala hue| isake phalasvarUpa Aja kastUrabAI mAmUlI ciTThI-patrI va gujarAtI likhane-par3hanese adhika sAkSara na hone paaii| yadi merA prema viSayase dUSita na huA hotA, to maiM mAnatA hUM Aja vaha viduSI ho gaI hotiiN| unake par3haneke Alasyapara maiM vijaya prApta kara paataa| kyoMki maiM jAnatA hUM ki zuddha premake lie duniyAmeM koI vAta asaMbhava nahIM / isa taraha apanI patnIke sAtha viSaya-rata rahate hue bhI maiM kaise bahuta

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- kathA: bhAga 1 14 kucha baca gayA, isakA eka kAraNa maiMne Upara btaayaa| isa silasile meM eka aura bAta kahane jaisI hai / saikar3oM anubhavoMse maiMne yaha nicor3a nikAlA hai ki jisakI niSThA saccI hai, use khuda paramezvara hI bacA letA hai| hiMdU-saMsAra meM jahAM bAlavivAhakI ghAtaka prathA hai, vahAM usake sAtha hI usameM kucha sukti dilAnevAlA bhI eka rivAja hai | bAlaka vara-vadhU ko mAM-bApa bahuta samayataka ekasAtha nahIM rahane dete / bAla-patnIkA zrAse jyAdA samaya mAyakemeM jAtA hai / hamAre sAtha bhI aisA hI huA / arthAt hama 13 aura 10 sAlakI umarake daramiyAna thor3A-thor3A karake tIna sAlasevaka sAtha na raha sake hoNge| chaH bATha mahIne rahanA huA nahIM ki patnI mAnakA bulAvA AyA nhiiN| usa samaya to ve bulAve bar3e nAgavAra mAlUma hote / paraMtu saca pUchie to unhIMke badaulata hama donoM bahuta baca gye| phira 18 sAla kI avasthA meM vilAyata gayA -- laMbe aura sundara viyogakA avasara aayaa| vilAyatane lauTanepara bhI hama ekasAtha to chaH mahIne muzkilase rahe hoMge, kyoMki mujhe rAjakoTa-baMbaI vAra-bAra AnA-jAnA par3atA thA / phira itane meM hI dakSiNa aphrIkA kA nimaMtraNa zrA pahuMcA aura isa bIca to merI mAMceM bahuta kucha khula bhI cukI thIM / hAI skUla meM maiM pahale likha cukA hUM ki jaba merA vivAha huA taba meM hAI pa thA / usa hama tInoM bhAI eka hI skUla meM par3hate the| bar3e bhArI bahuta Uparake daraje meM the aura jina bhAIkA vivAha mere sAtha huA vaha mujhase eka darajA grAge the / vivAhakA pariNAma yaha huA ki hama donoM bhAiyoMkA eka sAla bekAra gayA / mere bhAIko to aura bhI burA pariNAma bhoganA pdd'aa| vivAha ke pazcAt vaha vidyAlaya meM raha hI na sake / paramAtmA jAne, vivAha kAraNa i aise aniSTa pariNAma bhogane par3ate haiN| vAdhyayana aura vivAha ye donoM bAteM hiMdu samAja hI eka sAtha ho sakatI hai|

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adhyAya : hAI skUla merA adhyayana calatA rhaa| hAIskUla meM maiM buddhU nahIM mAnA jAtA thaa| zikSakoMkA prema hamezA saMpAdana karatA rhaa| hara sAla mAM-bApa ko vidyArthIkI paDhAI tathA cAla-calanake saMbaMdha meM skUla pramANa-patra bheje jaate| unameM kisI bAra merI par3hAI yA cAla-calanakI zikAyata nahIM kI gii| dUsare darajeke bAda to inAma bhI pAye aura pAMcaveM tathA chaThe daraje meM to kramaza: 4) aura 10) mAsikakI chAtravRttiyAM bhI milI thiiN| chAtra-vRtti milane meM merI yogyatAkI apekSA takadIrane jyAdA madada kii| chAtravRttiyAM sava lar3akoMke lie nahIM thIM, sirpha soraTa prAMtake vidyArthiyoMke lie hI thIM aura usa samaya cAlIsa-pacAsa vidyArthiyoMkI kakSAmeM soraTha-prAMtake vidyArthI bahuta nahIM ho sakate the / apanI taraphase to mujhe yAda par3atA hai ki maiM apaneko bahuta yogya nahIM samajhatA thaa| inAma athavA chAtravRti milatI to mujhe Azcarya hotA; paraMtu hAM, apane AcaraNakA mujhe bar3A khayAla rahatA thaa| sadAcArameM yadi cUka hotI to mujhe ronA A jAtA / yadi mujhase koI aisA kAma bana par3atA ki jisake lie zikSakako ulAhanA denA par3e, athavA unakA aisA khayAla bhI ho jAma, to yaha mere lie asahya ho jaataa| mujhe yAda hai ki eka bAra meM piTA bhI thaa| mujhe isa bAtapara to duHkha na hunnA ki piTA; paraMtu isa bAtakA mahA duHkha huA ki maiM daMDakA pAtra samajhA gyaa| maiM phUTa-phUTakara royaa| yaha ghaTanA pahalI vAlI kahAnI hai| dUsarI ghaTanA sAtaveM darajekI hai| usa samaya dorAbajI edalajI gImI heDamAsTara the| vaha vidyArthI-priya the| kyoMki vaha na nikalokA pAlana karavAte, vidhipUrvaka kAma karate aura kAma lete tathA par3hAI acchI karate / unhoMne aMce darajeke piyAziyoM lie kasarata-krikeTa lAjimI kara dI thii| lekina mujhe unase aruci thii| lAjimI hone ke pahale to maiM kasarata, krikeTa yA phuTabaoNlameM kabhI na jAtA thaa| na jAnemeM merA jhepana bhI eka kAraNa thaa| kiMtu aba meM dekhatA hUM ki kasaratakI vaha aruci merI bhUla thii| usa samaya mere ese galata vicAra the zikAra lagAnA gAya koI saMbaMdha nahIM / kAra ne samajhA ki vyAyAma arthAta zArIrika zikSAke lie bhI vidhAyana utanA hI sthAna honA cAhie jiAnA mAnagi zikSAko hai| . phira bhI mujhe gahanA ki kasaratameM na jAne vAle koI nukasAna

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16 Atma-kathA- bhAga 1 na huaa| isakA kAraNa hai| pustakoMmeM maiMne par3hA thA ki khulI havAmeM dhUmanA acchA hotA hai| yaha mujhe pasaMda AyA aura tabhIse--- hAIskUla ke dinoMse-- ghUmane jAnekI Adata mujhe par3a gaI thI, jo abataka hai / dhUmanA bhI eka prakArakA vyAyAma hI hai| aura isa kAraNa merA zarIra thor3A-bahuta gaThIlA ho gyaa| arucikA dUsarA kAraNa thA pitAjIko sevA-zuzrUSA karane kI tIna icchaa| skUla baMda hote hI turaMta ghara pahuMcakara unakI sevAmeM juTa jaataa| lekina jaba kasarata lAjimI kara dI gaI taba isa sevAmeM vighna Ane lgaa| maiMne gImI sAhabase anurodha kiyA ki pitAjIkI sevA karane ke lie mujhe kasaratase bhAphI milanI cAhie, paraMtu ve kyoM mAphI dene lage ? eka zanivArako subahakA skUla thaa| zAmako 4 baje kasaratameM jAnA thaa| mere pAsa ghar3I na thii| AkAzameM bAdala chA rahe the, isa kAraNa samayakA patA na claa| bAdaloMse mujhe dhokhA huA / jabataka kasaratake lie pahuMcatA hUM tabataka to saba loga cale gaye the| dUsare dina gImI sAhabane hAjirI dekhI to mujhe gairahAjira pAyA / mujhase kAraNa puuchaa| kAraNa to jo thA, so hI maiMne btaayaa| unhoMne use saca na mAnA aura mujhapara eka yA do pAnA (ThIka yAda nahIM kitanA) jurmAnA ho gayA / mujhe isa bAtane atyaMta duHkha huA ki maiM jhUThA samajhA gyaa| maiM yaha kaise sAbita karatA ki maiM Aja nahIM bolA / para koI upAya na rahA thA / mana masosakara raha jAnA pdd'aa| maiM royA aura samajhA ki saca bolanegale aura saca karanevAleko gAphila bhI na rahanA caahie| apanI par3hAIke daramiyAna mujhase aisI gaphalata vaha pahalI aura AkhirI thii| mujhe kucha-kucha smaraNa hai ki aMtako maiM vaha jurmAnA mApha karA pAyA thaa| ___ * aMtako kasaratase chuTTI mila hI gii| pitAjIkI ciTThI jaba heDamAsTarako milI ki maiM apanI sevA-suthUpAke lie skUlake bAda ise apane pAsa cAhatA hUM, taba usase chuTakArA mila gayA / / vyAyAmakI jagaha maiMne ghUmanA jArI rkkhaa| isa kAraNa zarIrase mehanata na lenekI bhUlake lie zAyada mujhe sajA na bhoganI par3I ho; paraMtu eka dusarI bhUdanI sajA maiM Ajataka pA rahA huuN| par3hAImeM khuzakhata honekI jarUrata nahIM, yaha galata khayAla mere manameM jAne kahAMse pA ghusA thA, jo TheTha vilAyata jAnetaka rahA / phira, aura khAsakara dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM, jahAM vakIloMke aura dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM

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adhyAya 5 : hAI skUla meM 17 janme aura par3he aayasoMke motIkI taraha akSara dekhe taba to bahuta lajAyA aura pachatAyA / maiMne dekhA ki beDaula grakSara honA adhUrI zikSAkI nizAnI hai | ataH maiMne pIchese apanA qhata sudhArane kI koziza bhI kI, paraMtu pakke ghar3epara kahIM miTTI car3ha sakatI hai ? javAnI meM jisa bAta kI avahelanA maiMne kI use maiM phira Ajataka na sudhAra sakA / ataH hareka navayuvaka aura yuvatI mere isa udAharaNako dekhakara cera ma ki sulekha zikSAkA eka prAvazyaka aMga hai / sulekha ke lie citrakalA . Avazyaka hai / merI to yaha rAya banI hai ki bAlakoMko prAlekhana kalA pahale sikhAnI cAhie | jisa prakAra pakSiyoM aura vastuoM zrAdiko dekhakara bAlaka unheM yAda rakhatA aura AsAnIse pahacAna letA hai usI prakAra akSaroMko bhI pahacAnane lagatA hai aura jaba Alekhana yA citrakalA sIkhakara citra ityAdi nikAlanA sIkha jAtA hai taba yadi akSara likhanA sIkhe to usake akSara chApekI taraha ho jAveM / isa samaya mere vidyArthI jIvana kI do bAteM likhane jaisI haiN| vivAha ke daulata jo merA eka sAla TUTa gayA thA usakI kasara dUsarI kakSAmeM pUrI karAnekI preraNA mAsTara sAhabane kI / parizramI vidyArthiyoM ko aisA karanekI ijAjata una dinoM to milatI thI / zrataeva meM chaH mahIne tIsare daraje meM rahA aura garmiyoMkI chuTTI ke pahalevAlI parIkSAke bAda cauthe daraje meM car3hA diyA gayA / isa kakSA se kucha viSayoMkI zikSA aMgrejImeM dI jAtI hai, para aMgrejI meM kucha na samajha pAtA / bhUmiti-- rekhAgaNita bhI cauthe darajese zurU hotA hai / eka to meM usameM kamajora thA, aura phira samajhameM bhI kucha na prAtA thA / bhUmiti- zikSaka par3hAne meM to acche the, para merI kucha samajha hImeM na zrAtA thA / isase meM bahuta bAra nirAza ho jAtA / kabhI-kabhI yaha bhI dilameM AtA ki do darajoMkI par3hAI eka sAlameM karanese to acchA ho ki maiM tIsarI kakSAmeM hI phira calA jaauuN| para aisA karanese merI bAta bigar3atI aura jisa zikSakane merI mehanatapara vizvAsa rakhakara darajA caDhAnekI siphAriza kI thI unakI bhI bAta bigar3atI ! isa bhayase nIce utaranekA vicAra to baMda hI rakhanA pdd'aa| Akhira parizrama karate-karate jaba 'yukliDa' ke terahaveM prameyataka pahuMcA taba mujhe ekAeka lagA ki bhUmiti to sabase sahaja viSaya hai / jisa bAta meM kevala buddhikA sIdhA aura sarala upayoga hI karanA hai usameM muzkila kyA hai ? usake bAdase bhUmiti mere lie bar3A sahaja aura rocaka viSaya ho gayA /

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oNla-kathA : bhAga 1 saMskRta mujhe rekhAgaNitase bhI adhika muzkila mAlUma pdd'ii| rekhAgaNitama to raTane kI koI bAta na thI, paraMtu saMskRtameM, merI samajhase, saba raTanA hI raTanA thaa| yaha viSaya bhI cauthI kakSAse zurU hotA thA / Akhira chaThI kakSAmeM jAkara merA dila baiTha gyaa| saMskRta-zikSaka bar3e sakhna AdamI the / vidyArthiyoMko bahuterA par3hA denekA lobha unheM rahA krtaa| saMskRta-varga aura phArasI-varga meM eka prakAra kI pratispardhA rahatI / phArasIke maulavI sAhaba narama AdamI the| vidyArthI loga ApasameM bAteM karate ki phArasI bar3I sarala hai, aura maulavI sAhaba bhI bhale aAdamI haiN| vidyArthI jitanA yAda karatA hai, utanehI para vaha nibhA lete haiN| sahaja honekI bAtase maiM bhI lalavAyA aura eka dina phArasIke daraje meM jAkara baiThA / saMskRta zikSakako isase bar3A duHkha huaA / unhoMne mujhe bulAyA--" yaha to soco ki tuma kisake lar3ake ho ? apane dharmakI bhASA tuma nahIM par3hanA cAhate ? tumako jo kaThinAI ho so mujhe btaao| maiM to sAre vidyArthiyoMko acchI saMskRta par3hAnA cAhatA huuN| Age calakara to usameM tumheM rasakI ghuTeM mileNgii| ata: tumako isa taraha nirAza na honA caahie| tuma phira merI kakSAmeM Akara baittho|" maiM zaramiMdA huaa| una zikSaka ke isa premakI avahelanA na kara sakA / Aja merI aMtarAtmA kRSNazaMkara mAsTarakA upakAra mAnatI hai, kyoMki jitanI saMskRta maiMne usa samaya par3hI thI, yadi utanI bhI na par3hA hotA to Aja maiM gaMskRta-zAstroMkA jo AnaMda le rahA hUM vaha na le paataa| balki mujhe to isa bAtakA pachatAvA rahatA hai ki. maiM adhika saMskRta na par3a skaa| kyoMki Age calakara maiMne samajhA ki kisI bhI hiMdU-bAlakako saMskRtakA acchA adhyayana kiye binA na rahanA caahie| aba to meM yaha mAnatA hUM ki bhAratavarSa ke ucca zikSaNa-kramameM mAtRbhASAke uparAMta rASTrabhASA hiMdI,' saMskRta, phArasI, arabI aura aMgrejIke lie bhI sthAna honA caahie| itanI bhASAoMkI ginatIse kimIko dUra jAnekI jarUrata nahIM; yadi bhASAeM vidhipUrvaka par3hAI jAyaM aura saba viSayoMkA adhyayana aMgrez2I ke dvArA karanekA bojha hamapara na ho to pUrvokta bhASAeM bhArarUpa na mAlUma ho, balki unameM bar3A rasa Ane lge| phira jo eka bhASAko vidhi-pUrvaka sIkha letA ' ' aba ise gAMdhIjI 'hiMdustAnI' kahate haiN|---anu.

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adhyAya 6 : duHkhada prasaMga-1 hai use dUsarI bhASAoM kA jJAna sugama ho jAtA hai / saca pUchie to hiMdI, gujarAtI, saMskRta ye eka bhASA mAnI jA sakatI haiN| yahI phArasI aura arabI ke lie kaha sakate haiN| phArasI yadyapi saMskRtase milatI-julatI hai, aura arabI hibrUse; tathApi donoM bhASAeM islAmake prAdurbhAvake pazcAt phalI-phUlI haiM, isalie donoMmeM nikaTa saMbaMdha hai| urdU ko maiMne pRthak bhASA nahIM mAnA, kyoMki usake vyAkaraNakA samAveza hiMdImeM hotA hai| alabanA usake zabda phArasI aura arabI hI haiN| UMce darajekI urdU jAnaneke lie arabI aura phArasI jAnanA Avazyaka hotA hai, jaisA ki ucca koTikI gujarAtI, hiMdI, baMgalA, marAThI jAnanevAleke lie saMskRta jAnanA z2arUrI hai| duHkhada prasaMga-1 meM pahale kaha pAyA hUM ki hAI skUla meM merI bahuta kama logoMse nijI mitratA thii| yoM jinheM ghaniSTa kaha sakate haiM aise mitra to mere kula do hI the, so bhI judAjudA samayapara / unameM ekakI mitratA adhika samayataka na nibhI, hAlAMki maiMne apanI taraphase use nahIM todd'aa| dUsarese mitratA karaneke kAraNa pahale mitrane merA sAtha chor3a diyaa| para vaha dUsarI mitratA mere jIvanakA eka duHkhada prakaraNa hai| yaha saMga bahuta dinoMtaka claa| eka sudhArakakI dRSTi rakhakara maiMne yaha mitratA kI thii| usa vyaktikI mitratA pahale mere maMjhale bhAIke sAtha thii| vaha unakA sahapAThI thaa| maiM usake kaI aiboko jAna pAyA thA, paraMtu maiMne use apanA vaphAdAra sAthI mAna liyA thaa| merI mAtAjI, bar3e bhAI aura dharmapatnI tInoMko usakI sobata burI mAlUma par3atI thii| patnIkI cetAvanIpara to maiM--abhimAnI pati--kyoM dhyAna dene lagA ? hAM, mAtAkI bAtako to maiM TAla hI nahIM sakatA zrA / bar3e bhAIkI bhI mAnanI pdd'tii| paraMtu maiMne unheM yoM samajhA diyA--"Apa usI jo burAiyAM batAte haiM, unheM to maiM jAnatA huuN| para usake guNoMko Apa nahIM jAnate / majhe baha gva rAba gasne nahIM le jA sakatA; kyoMki maiMne usake sAtha saMbaMdha kevala use sudhArane ke lie bAMdhA hai| mujhe vizvAsa hai ki yadi vaha sudhara

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ple-kssaa : maay'aa 2 gayA to bar3A acchA AdamI sAbita hogaa| maiM cAhatA hUM ki Apa merI taraphase bilakula niHzaMka rheN|" maiM nahIM samajhatA ki mere ina bacanoMse unheM saMtoSa huA ho; para itanA z2arUra huA ki unhoMne mujhapara vizvAsa rakkhA aura mujhe apane rAste jAne diyaa| pIche jAkara maiMne dekhA ki merA anumAna ThIka na thaa| sudhAra karaneke lie bhI manuSyako gahare pAnImeM na paiThanA caahie| jinakA sudhAra hameM karanA ho unake sAtha mitratA nahIM ho sktii| mitratAmeM advaita-bhAva hotA hai| aisI mitratA saMsArameM bahuta kama dekhI jAtI hai / samAna guNa aura zIlavAloMmeM hI mitratA zobhatI aura nibhatI hai / mitra eka-dUsarepara apanA asara chor3e binA nahIM raha sakate ! isa kAraNa, mitratAmeM sudhArake lie bahuta kama guMjAiza hotI hai| merA mata yaha hai ki nijI yA abhinna mitratA aniSTa hai ; kyoMki manuSya doSako jhaTa grahaNa kara letA hai| kiMtu guNa grahaNa karaneke lie prayAsakI z2arUrata hai| jo AtmAkI---IzvarakI--mitratA cAhatA hai use ekAkI rahanA ucita hai, yA phira sAre jagatke sAtha mitratA karanI ucita hai / ye vicAra sahI hoM yA galata, paraMtu isameM koI saMdeha nahIM ki merA nijI mitratA jor3ane aura bar3hAne kA yaha prayatna viphala sAbita huA / jina dinoM ina mahAzayase merA saMparka huyA, rAjakoTa meM 'sudhAraka-paMtha kA jorazora thaa| ina mitrane batAyA ki bahutere hiMdu-zikSaka chipe-chipe mAMsAhAra aura madyapAna karate haiM ! rAjakoTake dUsare prasiddha vyaktiyoMke nAma bhI liye| hAIskUlake kitane hI vidyArthiyoM ke nAma bhI mere pAsa aaye| yaha dekhakara mujhe bar3A Azcarya humA aura sAtha hI duHkha bhii| jaba maiMne inakA kAraNa pUchA to yaha batAyA gayA---'"hama mAMsa nahIM khAte, isIlie kamajora ho gaye haiN| aMgrez2a jo hamapara hukUmata kara rahe haiM isakA kAraNa hai unakA mAMsAhAra / tuma jAnate hI ho ki maiM kitanA haTTA-kaTTA aura majabUta hUM aura kitanA daur3a sakatA huuN| isakA kAraNa bhI--merA mAMsAhAra hI hai| mAMsAhArIko phor3e-phusI nahIM hote, hoM bhI to jaldI acche ho jAte haiN| dekho, hamAre zikSaka loga mAMsa khAte haiM, itane bhalebhale AdamI khAte haiM, so kyA binA soce-samajhe hI ? tumako bhI khAnA caahie| khAkara to dekho ki tumhAre badana meM kitanI tAkata A jAtI hai|"

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adhyAya 6.: duHkhada :prasaMga-1 ye dalIla eka hI dinameM nahIM peza huIM / aneka udAharaNoMse sajAkara kaI bAra peza kI gii| mere maMjhale bhAI to mAMsa khAkara bhraSTa ho hI cuke the| unhoMne bhI isa dalIlakA samarthana kiyaa| ina mitrake aura apane bhAIke mukAbale meM maiM dubalA-patalA aura kamajora thaa| unake zarIra z2yAdA sugaThita the| unakA zarIra-bala mujhase bahuta jyAdA thaa| vaha nirbhaya the| ina mitrake parAtra ma mujhe mugdha kara lete| vaha jitanA cAheM daur3a skte| gati bhI bahuta teja thii| bahuta laMbA aura UMcA kUda sakate the| mAra sahanekI zakti bhI vaisI hI thii| isa zaktikA pradarzana bhI vaha samaya-samaya para krte| apane aMdara jo sAmarthya nahIM hotA use dUsaremeM dekhakara manuSya ko avazya Azcarya hotA hai / vaisA hI mujhe bhI huaa| Azcarya se moha paidA huaa| mujhameM daur3ane-kUdane kI zakti nahIMke barAbara thii| mere manane kahA--" ina mitrake samAna balavAna maiM bhI bana jAUM to kyA bahAra phira maiM Darapoka bhI bar3A thaa| cora, bhUta, sAMpa Adike bhayase sadA ghirA rhtaa| ina bhayoMse maiM ghabarAtA bhI bahuta / rAtameM kahIM akele jAnekI himmata na hotii| aMdheremeM to kahIM na jaataa| binA cirAgake sonA prAyaH asaMbhava thaa| kahIM yahAMse bhUta-pizAca nikalakara na pA jAyaM, vahAMse cora aura udharase sAMpa na A ghuse--yaha Dara banA rahatA, isalie rozanI jarUra rkhtaa| idhara apanI patnI ke sAmane bhI, jo ki pAsa hI sotI aura aba kucha-kucha yutratI ho calI thI, ye bhayakI bAteM karate hue saMkoca hotA thaa| kyoMki maiM itanA z2Ana cukA thA ki vaha mujhase adhika himmatavAlI hai, isa kAraNa maiM zaramAtA thaa| use sAMpa vagairahakA bhaya to kahIM chUtaka nahIM gayA thA, aMdheremeM akelI calI jaatii| merI ina kamajoriyoMkA hAla una mitrako mAlUma thA / vaha to mujhase kahA karatA ki maiM jIte sAMpako hAtha pakar3a letA huuN| corase to vaha DaratA hI na thA, na bhUtapretoMko hI mAnatA thaa| matalaba yaha ki usane yaha bAta mere manameM jamA dI ki yaha saba mAMsAhArakA pratApa hai / / ina dinoM narmada kavikI yaha kavitA skulameM gAI jAtI---- aMgrejo rAja kare, dezI rahe dabAI, dezI rahe dabAI, jone benA zarIra bhAI,

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 pelo pAMca hAtha pUro, pUro pAMcase ne|' ina sabakA mere dilapara bar3A asara huaa| maiM rAjI ho gyaa| maiM mAnane lagA ki mAMsAhAra acchI cIja hai| usase maiM balavAn aura nirbhaya bnuuNgaa| sArA deza yadi mAMsa khAne lage, to hama aMgrejoko harA sakate haiM / mAMsAhArakI zurUpAtakA dina taya huA / isa nizcaya--isa prAraMbha--kA artha saba pAThaka na samajha sakeMge / gAMdhIparivAra vaiSNava-saMpradAyakA anuyAyI thaa| mAtA-pitA kaTTara vaiSNava mAne jAte the| hamezA vaiSNava maMdira jAte / kitane hI maMdira to hamAre kuTuMbake hI gine jaate| phira gujarAtameM jainasaMpradAyakA bhI bahuta jora thaa| usakA asara hara jagaha aura hara kAmameM pAyA jAtA thaa| isalie mAMsAhArake prati jo virodha---tiraskAra gujarAtameM aura zrAvakoM tathA vaiSNavAma dikhAI par3atA hai, vaha hiMdustAna meM yA sArI duniyAmeM kahIM nahIM dikhAI pdd'taa| ye the mere saMskAra / phira mAtA-pitAkA meM parama bhakta tthhraa| maiM mAnatA hI thA ki yadi unheM mere mAMsAhArakA patA laga jAyagA to ve to be-mauta hI prANa chor3a deNge| jAna-anajAnameM satyakA bhI sevaka to maiM thA hii| para yaha nahIM kaha sakatA ki yaha jJAna mujhe nahIM thA ki yadi mAMsa khAne lagA to mAtA-pitAke sAmane jhUTha bolanA pdd'egaa| __aisI sthitimeM merA mAMsa khAnekA nizcaya, mere lie bar3I gaMbhIra aura bhayaMkara bAta thii| paraMtu maiM to sudhAra karanA cAhatA thaa| mAMsa zaukake lie nahIM khAnA caahtaa-thaa| na svAdake lie mAMsAhArakA zrIgaNeza karanA thaa| maiM to balavAna, nirbhaya, sAhasI honA cAhatA thaa| dUsaroMko aisA banane kI preraNA karanA cAhatA thA aura phira aMgrejoMko harAkara bhAratavarSa ko svataMtra karanA cAhatA thaa| 'svarAjya' zabda usa samaya nahIM suna par3atA thaa| kahanA cAhie, isa sudhArakI umaMgameM uma 'bhAva yaha hai ki aMgreja isI kAraNa haTTe-kaTTe haiM aura hamapara rAjya karate haiM ki ve mAMsa khAte haiM, aura hiMdustAnI isIlie murdA bane hue haiM ki ve mAMsAhAra nahIM karate |-anu.

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adhyAya 7 : duHkhada prasaMga- 2 samaya to merI akla bauriyA gaI thI / 23 du:khada prasaMga - 2 niyata dina AyA / usa samayakI merI dazAkA hUbahU varNana karanA kaThina hai / eka ora sudhArakA utsAha, jIvanameM mahattvapUrNa parivartana karanekA kutUhala aura dUsarI ora corakI taraha luka-chipakara kAma karanekI zarama ! nahIM kaha sakatA inameM kisa bhAva kI pradhAnatA thI / hama ekAMta jagahakI talAzameM nadIkI tarapha cale / dUra jAkara eka aisI jagaha milI jahAM koI sahasA na dekha sake aura jahAM maiMne dekhA mAMsa, jise jIvanameM pahale kabhI na dekhA thA; sAthameM bhaTiyAreke yahAMkI Dabala roTI bhI thii| donoMmeMse eka bhI cIja na bhaaii| mAMsa camar3ekI taraha lagA / khAnA asaMbhava ho gayA / mujhe kai-sI hone lagI chor3anA par3A / / khAnA yoM hI mere lie yaha rAta bahuta kaThina sAbita huii| nIMda kisI taraha na prAtI thI / aisA mAlUma hotA mAno bakarA mere zarIrake aMdara jIvita hai aura sapane meM mAno vaha beM -beM cillAtA hai / maiM cauMka uThatA, pachatAtA, para phira socatA ki mAMzAhAra ke binA to gati hI nahIM; yoM himmata na hAranI cAhie / mitra bhI piMDa chor3anevAle nathe / unhoMne aba mAMsako taraha-taraha se pakAnA aura susvAdu banAnA tathA Dhakakara rakhanA zurU kiyaa| nadI kinAre le jAneke bajAya rAjyake eka bhavanameM vahAMke bAbarcI se iMtajAma karake chipe-chipe jAnekI tajavIja kI aura vahAM meja kursI ityAdi sAmagriyoMke ThATa-bATase mujhe lubhAyA / isakA abhISTa asara mere dilapara huA | DabalaroTIse napharata haTI, bakarekI dayA mAyA chUTI aura mAMsakA to nahIM kaha sakatA, para mAMsavAle padArthoMkA svAda laga gyaa| isa taraha eka sAla gayA hogA aura isa bIca kula pAMca-cha: bAra mAMsa khAneko milA hogaa| kyoMki eka to bAra-bAra rAjyakA bhavana na milatA, aura dUsare mAMsake susvAdu padArtha hamezA taiyAra na ho paate| phira aise bhojanoMke lie kharca bhI karanA par3atA / idhara mere pAsa kAnI kaur3I bhI na thI / maiM detA kyA ? kharcakA iMtajAma socanA

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24 mAmA : bhAga 1 usa mitrake jimme rahA thaa| mujhe Ajataka khabara nahIM ki usane kahAMse iMtajAma kiyA thA / usakA irAdA to thA mujhe mAMsakI bATa lagA denA, mujhe bhraSTa kara denA / isalie kharcakA bhAra vaha khuda hI uThAtA thaa| para usake pAsa bhI aTUTa khajAnA to thA nahIM, isa kAraNa aise bhojanoMke avasara kabhI-kabhI hI Ate / jaba-jaba aise bhojanoM meM zarIka hotA taba-taba ghara khAnA na khAyA jAtA / jaba mAM khAneko bulAtI to bahAnA karanA par3atA, grAja bhUkha nahIM, khAnA pacA nahIM / jaba-jaba ye bahAne banAne par3ate taba-taba mere dilako sakhta coTa pahuMcatI / itanI jhUTha bAta, phira mAMke sAmane ! phira yadi mAM-bApa jAna jAeM ki lar3ake mAMsa khAne laga gaye haiM, taba to unapara bijalI hI TUTa par3egI / ye vicAra mere hRdayako haradama nocate rhte| isa kAraNa maiMne nizcaya kiyA ki mAMsa khAnA to grAvazyaka haiM, usakA pracAra karake hiMdustAnako sudhAranA bhI Avazyaka hai, para mAtA-pitAko . dhokhA denA aura jhUTha bolanA mAMsa na khAnese bhI jyAdA burA hai| isalie mAtApitAke jItejI mAMsa na khAnA caahie| unakI mRtyuke bAda, svataMtra ho jAnepara khullama-khullA khAnA cAhie; aura jabataka vaha samaya na yAve mAMsake rAste na jAnA caahie| yaha nizcaya maiMne apane mitrapara prakaTa kara diyA / usa dinase jo mAMsAhAra chUTA so chUTA hI / hamAre mAtA-pitAne kabhI na jAnA ki unake do putra mAMsa khA cuke haiM / mAtA-pitAko dhokhA na deneke zubha vicArase maiMne mAMsAhAra to chor3A, paraMtu usa mitrako mitratA na chodd'ii| maiM jo dUsaroMko sudhAraneke lie Age bar3hA thA so khuda hI bigar3a gayA aura so bhI aisA ki bigar3a jAnekA bhAnataka na rahA / usIkI mitratAke kAraNa maiM vyabhicAraroM bhI phaMsa jaataa| eka bAra yahI mahAzaya mujhe cakalemeM le gaye / vahAM eka bAIke makAnameM jarUrI bAteM samajhAkara bhejA / paise denA - divAnA mujhe kucha na thA / vaha saba pahale hI ho cukA thA / mere lie to sirpha ekAMta lIlA karanI bAkI thI / maiM makAna meM dAkhila to huA, para Izvara jise bacAnA cAhatA hai vaha giranekI icchA karate hue bhI baca sakatA hai| usa kamaremeM jAkara meM to mAno aMdhA bana gyaa| kucha bolanekA hI zrausAna na rahA / mAre zaramake cupacApa usa bAIkI yApara baiTha gayA / eka laphjataka jabAnase na nikalA / bAI

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adhyAya 7 : duHkhada prasaMga- 2 25 jhallAI aura mujhe do-cAra burI bhalI sunAkara sIvA daravAz2e kA rAstA dikhalAyA / usa samaya to mujhe lagA, mAno merI mardAnagI ko lAMchana laga gayA, aura dharatI phaTa jAya to maiM usameM samA jAUM / paraMtu bAdako, isase mujhe ubAra lenepara, maiMne IzvarakA sadA upakAra mAnA hai / mere jIvanameM aise hI cAra prasaMga aura zrAye haiN| bahutoM meM maiM binA prayatnake, daivayogase baca gayA hUM / vizuddha dRSTi se to ina avasaroMpara meM girA hI samajhA jA sakatA hUM; kyoMki viSayakI icchA karate hI maiM usakA bhoga to kara cukA / phira laukika dRSTise hama usa AdamI ko bacA huA hI mAnate haiM jo icchA karate hue bhI pratyakSa karmase baca jAtA hai / aura maiM ina avasaroMpara isI taraha, itane hI aMzataka, bacA huA samajhA jA sakatA hUM | phira kitane hI kAma aise hote haiM, jinake karanese bacanA vyaktike tathA usake saMparka meM AnevAloMke lie bahuta lAbhadAyaka sAbita hotA hai / aura jaba vicAra-zuddhi ho jAtI hai taba usa karmase baca jAneko vaha IzvarakA anugraha mAnatA hai / jisa prakAra hama yaha anubhava karate haiM kina girane kA yatna karate hue bhI manuSya gira jAtA hai usI prakAra patanakI icchA ho jAnepara bhI aneka kAraNoMse manuSya baca jAtA hai / yaha bhI anubhava siddha hai / isameM kahAM puruSArthake lie sthAna hai, kahAM devake lie, athavA kina niyamoMke vazavartI hokara manuSya aMtameM giratA hai, yA bacatA hai, ye prazna gUr3ha haiM / ye Ajataka hala nahIM ho sake haiM; aura yaha kahanA kaThina hai ki inakA aMtima nirNaya ho sakegA yA nahIM / para hama Age caleM / mujhe bhI isa bAtakA bhAna na huA thA ki isa mitrakI mitratA zraniSTa hai / abhI aura kaDue anubhava hone bAkI the / yaha to mujhe tabhI mAlUma huA, jaba maiMne unake aise doSoMkA pratyakSa anubhava kiyA, jisakI mujhe kabhI kalpanAtaka na huI thI / para maiM jahAMtaka ho, samayAnukramase apane anubhava likha rahA hUM, isalie ve bAteM Age samayapara yA jAveMgI / eka bAta to isI samayakI hai, jo yahIM kaha dUM / hama daMpati meM jo kitanI hI bAra matabheda aura manamuTAva ho jAyA karatA, usakA kAraNa yaha mitratA bhI thI / maiM pahale kaha cukA hUM ki maiM jaisA premI thA vaisA hI vahamI pati bhI thA !

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26 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 yaha mitratA mere vahama ko bar3hAtI rahatI thI, kyoMki mitrakI saccAIpara mujhe avizvAsa bilakula na thaa| isa mitrakI bAteM mAnakara maiMne apanI dharmapatnIko kaI bAra duHkha diyA hai| isa hiMsAke lie maiMne kabhI apaneko mApha nahIM kiyaa| hiMdU strI hI aise duHkhoMko sahana kara sakatI hogii| aura isalie maiMne strIko hamezA sahanazIlatAkI matti mAnA hai / naukara-cAkara para yadi jhUThA vahama Ane lage to ve naukarI chor3akara cale jAte haiM, putrapara aisI bIte to bApakA ghara chor3akara calA jAtA hai, mitroMmeM saMdeha par3a jAya to mitratA TUTa jAtI hai, patnIko yadi patipara zaka ho to becArI mana masosakara raha jAtI hai; para yadi patike manameM patnIke lie gaka par3a jAya to becArIkI mauta hI smjhie| vaha kahAM jAya ? ucca-varNakI hiMdU strI adAlatameM jAkara talAka bhI nahIM de sktii| aisA eka-pakSI nyAya usake lie ravakhA gayA hai| yahI nyAya maiMne usake sAtha baratA, isa duHkhako meM kabhI nahIM bhUla sktaa| isa vahamakA sarvathA nArA to tabhI huA, jaba mujhe ahiMsAkA sUkSma jJAna huaa| arthAt jaba maiM brahmacarya kI mahimAko samajhA aura samajhA ki patnI patikI dAsI nahIM varan sahacAriNI hai, sahadharmiNI hai / donoM eka-dUsareke mukha-duHsvake samAnabhAgI haiM aura patiko acchA-burA karanekI jitanI svataMtratA hai utanI hI patnIko bhI hai| isa vahamake samayakI jaba mujhe yAda AtI hai taba mujhe apanI mUrkhatA aura viSayAMdha nirdayatApara krodha aura mitratA-viSayaka apanI isa mA--mUr3hatAgara tarasa AtA hai| corI aura prAyazcitta mAMsAhAra ke samayake aura usake pahale ke apane kucha dUSaNoMkA varNana karanA abhI bAkI hai / ye yA to vivAhake pahaleke haiM yA turaMta bAdake / apane eka riztedAra ke sAtha mujhe sigareTa pInekA caskA laga gyaa| paise to hamAre pAsa the hI nhiiN| donoMmeM se kisIko bhI yaha to nahIM mAlUma hotA thA ki sigareTa pIne meM kucha phAyadA hai yA usakI gaMdhameM kucha svAda hai; para etanA

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adhyAya 8 : corI aura prAyazcitta 27 jarUra mAlUma huA ki kevala dhuvAM phUMkane meM hI kucha aAnaMda hai| mere cAcAjIko sigareTa pInekI Adata thii| aura unako tathA auroMko dhuMA ur3Ate dekhakara hameM bhI phUMka lagAnekI icchA huA krtii| paise the hI nahIM, isalie cAcAjIke pIkara pheMke hue sigareTake Tukar3e curA-curAkara hama loga pIne lage / paraMtu ye Tukar3e bhI hara vakta nahIM mila sakate the aura unase bahuta dhuAM bhI nahIM nikalatA thaa| isalie hama naukarake paisoMmeMse eka-eka do-do paise curAne aura bIr3I kharIdane lge| para yaha dikkata thI ki unheM rakkheM kahAM? yaha to jAnate zrehI ki bar3e-bUDhoMke sAmane bIr3I-sigareTa pI nahIM skte| jyoM-tyoM karake do-cAra paise curAkara kucha saptAha kAma claayaa| isI bIca sunA ki eka kismake paudhe ( usakA nAma bhUla gayA ) ke DaMThala bIr3IkI taraha sulagate haiM, aura pI sakate haiN| hama unheM lA-lAkara pIne lage / / para hameM saMtoSa na huaa| yaha parAdhInatA hameM khalane lgii| bar3e-bar3oMkI AjJAke binA kucha bhI nahIM kara sakate, yaha dina-dina nAgavAra hone lgaa| aMtako ukatAkara hamane Atma-hatyA karanekA nizcaya kiyaa| paraMtu Atma-hatyA kareM kisa taraha ? jahara lAveM kahAMse ? hamane sunA thA ki dhatUreke bIja khAnese pAdamI mara jAtA hai / jaMgalameM ghUma-phirakara bIja lAye / zAmakA samaya ThIka kiyaa| kedArajIke maMdira meM jAkara dIpakameM ghI DAlA, darzana kiyA, aura ekAMta DhUMDhA, para jahara khAnekI himmata na hotI thii| turaMta hI prAya: na nikaleM to? maranese Akhira kyA lAbha ? parAdhInatAmeMhI kyoM na par3e raheM ? ' ye vicAra manameM Ane lge| phira do-cAra bIja khA hI ddaale| jyAdA khAnekI himmata na clii| donoM mautase Dara gaye; aura yaha taya kiyA ki rAmajIke maMdira meM jAkara darzana karake khAmoza ho raheM aura Atma-hatyAke khayAla ko dilase nikAla ddaaleN| taba maiM samajhA ki prAtma-hatyAkA vicAra karanA to sahala hai| para AtmahatyA karanA sahala nahIM / ataeva jaba koI Atma-hatyA karanekI dhamakI detA hai taba mujhapara usakA bahuta kama asara hotA hai, athavA yaha kahUM ki vilakula hI nahIM hotA to harja nahIM / Atma-hatyAke vicArakA eka pariNAma yaha nikalA ki hamArI jUThI

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28 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 sigareTa curAkara pInekI, naukarake paise curAnekI aura usakI bIr3I lAkara pInekI Teva chuTa gii| bar3A honepara bhI mujhe kabhI bIr3I pInekI icchAtaka na huI / aura maiMne sadA isa Tebako jaMgalI, hAnikAraka aura gaMdI mAnA hai / para abataka meM yaha nahIM samajha pAyA ki bIr3I-sigareTa pInekA itanA jabardasta zauka duniyAko Akhira kyoM hai ? relake jisa DibbemeM bahuterI bIr3iyAM phUMkI jAtI hoM, vahAM baiThanA mere lie muzkila ho par3atA hai aura usake dhueMse merA dama ghuTane lagatA hai / sigareTake Tukar3e curAne tathA usake lie naukarake paise curAnese bar3hakara corIkA eka doSa mujhase huA hai, aura use maiM isase jyAdA gaMbhIra samajhatA hUM / bIr3IkA caskA taba lagA jaba merI umra 12-13 sAlakI hogI / zAyada isase bhI kama ho / dUsarI corIke samaya 15 varSakI rahI hogI / yaha corI thI mere mAMsAhArI bhAIke soneke kar3eke Tukar3ekI / unhoMne 25 ) ke lagabhaga karjA kara rakkhA thA / hama donoM bhAI isa soca meM par3e ki yaha cukAveM kisa taraha / mere bhAIke hAthameM sonekA eka Thosa kar3A thaa| usameMse eka tolA sonA kATanA kaThina na thA / kar3A kaTA / karja cukA, para mere lie yaha ghaTanA asahya ho gaI / Agese kadApi corI na karane kA maiMne nizcaya kiyA / manameM AyA ki pitAjIke sAmane jAkara corI kabUla karalaM / para unake sAmane muMha khulanA muzkila thA / yaha Dara to na thA ki pitAjI khuda mujhe pITane lageMge, kyoMki mujhe nahIM yAda par3atA ki unhoMne hama bhAiyoM se kabhI kisIko pITA ho / para yaha khaTakA jarUra thA ki vaha khuda bar3A saMtApa kareMge, zAyada apanA sira bhI pITa / tathApi maiMne manameM kahA- 66 'yaha jokhima uThAkara bhI apanI burAI kabUla kara lenI cAhie, isake binA zuddhi nahIM ho sakatI / 11 meM yaha nizcaya kiyA ki ciTThI likhakara apanA doSa svIkAra kara lUM / maiMne ciTThI likhakara khuda hI unheM dI / ciTThImeM sArA doSa kabUla kiyA thA aura usake lie sajA cAhI thI / grAjijIke sAtha yaha prArthanA kI thI ki grApa kisI taraha apaneko duHkhI na banAveM aura pratijJA kI thI ki Age maiM kabhI aisA na karUMgA | pitAjIko ciTThI dete hue mere hAtha kAMpa rahe the / usa samaya vaha bhagaMdarakI bImArI se pIr3ita the / grataH khaTiyAke bajAya lakar3I ke takhtoMpara unakA bichaunA

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adhyAya 6 : 'corI aura prAyazcitta 26 rahatA thaa| unake sAmane jAkara baiTha gayA / ___ unhoMne ciTThI pddh'ii| AMkhoMse motIke bUMda Tapakane lge| ciTThI bhIga gii| thor3I derake lie unhoMne aAMkheM maMda liiN| ciTThI phAr3a ddaalii| ciTThI par3haneko jo vaha uTha baiThe the so phira leTa gaye / ___maiM bhI royaa| pitAjIke duHkhako anubhava kiyaa| yadi maiM citerA hotA to Aja bhI usa citrako hUbahU khIMca sktaa| merI AMkhoMke sAmane aAja bhI vaha dRzya jyoM-kA-tyoM dikhAI de rahA hai / / isa motI-biMduke premabANane mujhe bIMdha DAlA / maiM zuddha ho gyaa| isa premako to vahI jAna sakatA hai, jise usakA anubhava huaA hai-- rAmabANa vAgyAre hoya te jANe' mere lie yaha ahiMsAkA padArtha-pATha thaa| usa samaya to mujhe isameM pitR-vAtsalyase adhika kucha na dikhAI diyA, para Aja maiM ise zuddha ahiMsAke nAmase pahacAna sakA huuN| aisI ahiMsA jaba vyApaka rUpa grahaNa karatI hai taba usake sparzase kauna alipta raha sakatA hai ? aisI vyApaka ahiMsAke balako nApanA asaMbhava hai| aisI zAMtimaya kSamA pitAjIke svabhAvake pratikUla thii| maiMne to yaha aMdAja kiyA thA ki vaha gussA hoMge, sakhta-susta kaheMge zAyada apanA sira bhI pITa leN| para unhoMne to asIma zAMtikA paricaya diyaa| maiM mAnatA hUM ki yaha apane doSako zuddha hRdayase maMjUra kara lene kA pariNAma thaa| jo manuSya adhikArI vyaktike sAmane svecchApUrvaka apane doSa zuddha hRdayase kaha detA hai aura phira kabhI na karane kI pratijJA karatA hai, vaha mAno zuddhatama prAyazcita karatA hai| maiM jAnatA hUM ki merI isa doSa-svIkRtise pitAjI mere saMbaMdha niHzaMka ho gaye aura unakA mahAprema mere prati aura bhI bar3ha gayA / 'prema-bANase jo bidhA ho vahI usake prabhAvako jAnatA hai |-anu0

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30 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 pitAjIkI mRtyu aura merI zarma yaha jikra mere solahaveM sAlakA hai| pAThaka jAnate haiM ki pitAjI bhagaMdara kI bImArIse bilakula bichaunepara hI leTe rahate the| unakI sevA-zuzSA adhikAMzameM mAtAjI, eka purAne naukara aura mere jimme thii| maiM narsa'--paricArakakA kAma karatA thaa| ghAvako dhonA, usameM davA DAlanA, jarUrata ho taba marahama lagAnA, davA pilAnA, aura jarUrata ho taba ghara para davA taiyAra karanA, yaha merA khAsa kAma thaa| rAtako hamezA unake paira dabAnA aura jaba vaha kaheM taba, athavA janake so jAne ke bAda, jAkara sonA merA niyama thaa| vaha sevA mujhe atizaya priya thii| mujhe yAda nahIM par3atA ki kisI dina maiMne isameM gaphalata kI ho| ye dina mere hAIskUlake the| isa kAraNa bhojana-pAnase jo samaya bacatA vaha yA to skUlameM yA pitAjIkI sevA-zuzrUSAmeM jaataa| jaba vaha kahate, athavA unakI tabIyatake nanakUla hotA, tava zAmako ghUmane calA jAtA / ___ isI varSa patnI garbhavatI huI / aAja mujhe isameM doharI zarma mAlUma hotI hai| eka to yaha ki vidyArthI-jIvana hote hue maiM saMyama na rakha sakA, aura dUsare yaha ki yadyapi meM skUlakI par3hAI par3hanekA aura isase bhI bar3hakara mAtA-pitAkI bhaktiko dharma mAnatA thA---yahAMtaka ki isa saMbaMdha bAlyAvasthAse hI zravaNa merA Adarza rahA thA--tathApi vipaya-lAlamA mujhapara hAvI ho sakI thii| yadyapi maiM rAtako pitAjI ke pAMva dabAyA karatA, tathApi mana zayana-gRhakI tarafa daur3A karatA aura vaha bhI aise samaya ki jaba strI-saMga dharma-zAstra, vaidyaka-gAstra aura vyavahAra-zAstra tInoMke anunAra tyAjya thaa| jaba unakI gevA-zuzrUSAme mujhe chuTTI milatI taba mujhe khuzI hotI aura pitAjIke paira chUkara meM gIdhA zayana-ha meM calA jAtA / pitAjI kI bImArI bar3hatI jAtI thii| vaidyoMne apane-apane lepAnamAye, hakImoMne marahama-paTTiyAM AjamAI, mAmUlI nAI-hajAmoM sAdinI gharelU davAeM kI, aMgreja DAkTarane bhI apanI akla lar3A dekhii| aMgreja DaoNkTarane kahA, naztara lagAne ke sivA dUsarA rAstA nhiiN| hamAre yuTuMbake mitra vaidyane Apatti kI aura

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adhyAya 6 : pitAjIkI mRtyu aura merI zarma 31 DhalatI umra meM aisA naztara lagavAnekI salAha unhoMne na dI / davAtroMkI bIsoM botaleM khapIM, para vyartha gaI aura naztara bhI nahIM lagAyA gayA / vaidyarAja the to kAbila aura nAmAMkita; para merA khayAla hai ki yadi unhoMne naztara lagAne diyA hotA to ghAvake acchA hone meM koI dikkata na AtI / Aparezana baMbaI ke tatkAlIna prasiddha sarjanake dvArA honevAlA thA / para aMta najadIka yA gayA thA, isalie ThIka bAta usa samaya kaise sUjha sakatI thI ? pitAjI baMbaIse binA naztara lagAye vApasa lauTe aura naztara-saMbaMdhI kharIdA huA sAmAna unake sAtha AyA / aba unhoMne adhika jInekI AzA chor3a dI thI / kamajorI bar3hatI gaI aura hara kriyA bichaune meM hI karane kI naubata A gaI / paraMtu unhoMne aMtataka use svIkAra na kiyA aura uThane-baiThane kA kaSTa uThAnA maMjUra kiyA / vaiSNava dharmakA yaha kaThina zAsana hai / usameM bAhya zuddhi prati Avazyaka hai / paraMtu pAzcAtya vaidyaka zAstra hameM sikhAtA hai ki mala tyAga tathA snAna prAdikI samasta kriyAyeM pUrI-pUrI svacchatA ke sAtha bichaune meM ho sakatI haiM aura phira bhI rogI ko kaSTa nahIM uThAnA par3atA / jaba dekhie taba bichaunA svaccha hI rahatA hai / aisI svacchatAko maiM to vaiSNava-dharma ke anukUla hI mAnatA hUM / paraMtu isa samaya pitAjI kA snAnAdike lie bichauneko chor3ane kA Agraha dekhakara maiM to prAzcarya cakita rahatA aura manameM unakI stuti kiyA karatA / avasAnakI ghora rAtri najadIka AI / isa samaya mere cAcAjI rAjakoTa meM the / mujhe kucha aisA yAda par3atA hai ki pitAjIkI bImArI bar3hanekA samAcAra sunakara vaha A gaye the| donoM bhAiyoMmeM pragAr3ha prema bhAva thA / cAcAjI dinabhara pitAjIke bichauneke pAsa hI baiThe rahate aura hama sabako soneke lie ravAnA karake khuda pitAjIke bichaune ke pAsa sote / kisIko yaha khayAlataka na thA ki yaha rAta AkhirI sAbita hogI / bhaya to sadA rahA hI karatA thA / rAtake sAr3he dasa yA gyAraha baje hoNge| maiM paira dabA rahA thA / cAcAjIne mujhase kahA " 'aba tuma jAkara sozro, maiM baiThUMgA / " maiM khuza huA aura sIdhA zayana -gRhameM calA gayA / patnI becArI bhara nIMda meM thI / para maiM use kyoM sone dene lagA ? jagAyA / pAMca-sAta hI miniTa hue hoMge ki naukarane daravAjA khaTakAyA / maiM caukA ! usane kahA --" uTho, pitAjIkI hAlata bahuta kharAba hai|

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 bahuta kharAba hai, yaha to maiM jAnatA hI thA, isalie 'bahuta kharAva'kA vizeSa artha samajha gyaa| eka-bAragI bichaunese haTakara pUchA----- " kaho to, bAta kyA hai ?" "pitAjI gujara gaye ! "---uttara milaa| ana pazcAttApa kisa kAmakA ? maiM bahuta zarmindA huA, bar3A kheda huaa| pitAjIke kamaremeM daur3A gayA / maiM samajhA ki yadi maiM viSayAMdha na hotA, to aMta samayakA yaha viyoga mere bhAgyameM na hotA, maiM aMtima ghar3iyoMtaka pitAjIke paira dabAtA rhtaa| aba to cAcAjIke muMhase hI sunA, "bApU' to hameM chor3akara cale gaye ! " apane jeThe bhAIke parama bhakta cAcAjI unakI aMtima sevAke saubhAgyake bhAgI hue| pitAjIko apane avasAnakA khayAla pahalese ho cukA thaa| unhoMne izArese likhanekI sAmagrI maaNgii| kAgajapara unhoMne likhA, " taiyArI kro|" itanA likhakara apane hAthapara baMdhA tAbIja tor3a pheNkaa| sonekI kaMThI pahane hue the, use bhI tor3a pheMkA aura eka kSaNa meM prANa-pakherU ur3a ge| pichale prakaraNameM maiMne apanI jisa zarmakI ora saMketa kiyA thA, vaha yahI zarma thii| sevAke samayameM bhI viSayecchA ! isa kAle dhabbeko maiM Ajataka na poMcha sakA, na bhUla skaa| aura maiMne hamezA mAnA hai ki yadyapi mAtA-pitA ke prati merI bhakti apAra thI, unake lie maiM saba-kucha chor3a sakatA thA, paraMtu usa sevAke samayameM bhI merA mana viSayabhogako na chor3a sakA, yaha usa sevAmeM akSamya kamI thii| isIlie maiMne apaneko eka-patnI-batakA pAlana karanevAlA mAnate hue bhI viSayAMdha mAnA hai / isase chUTane meM mujhe bahuta samaya lagA hai aura chUTaneke pahaletaka bar3e dharma-saMkaTa sahane par3e haiN| ___apanI isa duherI zarmakA prakaraNa pUrA karaneke pahale yaha bhI kaha denA hai ki patnIne jisa bAlakako janma diyA vaha do yA cAra dina hI sAMsa lekara calatA huaa| dUsarA kyA pariNAma ho sakatA thA ? isa udAharaNako dekhakara jo mAM-bApa athavA daMpatI cetanA cAhe ve ceteM / 'kAThiyAvAr3ameM pitAko bApU kahate haiN|-anu0

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adhyAya 10 : dharmako jhalaka 3 dharmakI jhalaka cha:-sAta sAlakI umrase lekara 16 varSataka vidyAdhyayana kiyA; paraMtu skUlameM kahIM dharma-zikSA na milI / jo cIja zikSakoMke pAsase sahaja hI milanI cAhie, vaha na milii| phira bhI vAyumaMDalameMse to kucha-na-kucha dharma-preraNA milA hI karatI thii| yahAM dharmakA vyApaka artha karanA caahie| dharmase merA abhiprAya hai AtmabhAnase, AtmajJAnase / vaiSNava-saMpradAyameM janma honeke kAraNa bAra-bAra 'vaiSNava-maMdira' jAnA hotA thaa| paraMtu usake prati zraddhA na utpanna huii| maMdirakA vaibhava mujhe pasaMda na aayaa| maMdiroMmeM honevAle anAcAroMkI bAteM suna-sunakara merA mana unake saMbaMdhameM udAsIna ho gyaa| vahAMse mujhe koI lAbha na milaa|| paraMtu jo cIja mujhe isa maMdirase na milI, vaha apanI dAIke pAsase mila gii| vaha hamAre kuTuMbameM eka purAnI naukarAnI thii| usakA prema mujhe Aja bhI yAda AtA hai / maiM pahale kaha cukA hUM ki maiM bhUta-preta Adise DarA karatA thaa| isa raMbhAne mujhe batAyA ki isakI davA 'rAma-nAma' hai| kiMtu rAma-nAmaMkI apekSA raMbhApara merI adhika zraddhA thii| isalie bacapana meM maiMne bhUta-pretAdise bacane ke lie rAma-nAmakA japa zurU kiyaa| yaha silasilA yoM bahuta dinataka jArI na rahA; paraMtu jo bIjAropaNa bacapanameM huyA vaha vyartha na gyaa| rAma-nAma jo Aja mere lie eka amogha zakti ho gayA hai, usakA kAraNa yaha raMbhAbAI kA boyA huA bIjahI hai| ___mere cacere bhAI rAmAyaNa ke bhakta the| isI arse meM unhoMne hama dobhAiyoMko 'rAma-rakSA'kA pATha sikhAnekA prabaMdha kiyaa| hamane use mukhAgra karake prAtaHkAla snAnake bAda pATha karanekA niyama bnaayaa| jabataka poravaMdarameM rahe, tabataka to yaha nibhatA rhaa| paraMtu rAjakoTa ke bAjAvaraNama usameM zithilatA A gii|

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 isa kriyApara bhI koI khAsa zraddhA na thii| do kAraNoMse 'rAma-rakSA kA pATha karatA thaa| eka to maiM bar3e bhAIko AdarakI dRSTise dekhatA thA, dUsare mujhe garva thA ki maiM 'rAma-rakSA kA pATha zuddha uccAraNa-sahita karatA huuN| paraMtu jisa bIjane mere dilapara gaharA asara DAlA, vaha to thI rAmAyaNakA pArAyaNa / pitAjIkI bImArIkA bahuterA samaya porabaMdarameM gyaa| vahAM vaha rAmajIke maMdirameM roja rAta ko rAmAyaNa sunate / kathA kahanevAle the rAmacaMdrajIke parama-bhakta bIlezvarake lAdhA mahArAja / unake saMbaMdhameM yaha AkhyAyikA prasiddha thI ki unheM kor3a ho gayA thaa| unhoMne kucha davA na kI-sirpha bIlezvara mahAdevapara car3he hue vilva patroMko kor3havAle aMgoMpara bAMdhate rahe aura rAma-nAmakA japa karate rahe ; aMtameM unakA kor3a samUla naSTa ho gyaa| yaha bAta cAhe saca ho yA jhUTha, hama sunanevAloMne to saba hI maanii| hAM, yaha jarUra saca hai ki lAdhA mahArAjane jaba kathA prAraMbha kI thI, taba unakA zarIra bilakula nIroga thaa| lAdhA mahArAjakA svara madhura thA / vaha dohA-caupAI gAte aura artha samajhAte / khuda usake rasa meM lIna ho jAte aura zrotAoMko bhI lIna kara dete| merI avasthA isa samaya koI 13 sAlakI hogI; para mujhe yAda hai ki unakI kathAmeM merA bar3A mana lagatA thaa| rAmAyaNapara jo merA atyaMta prema hai, usakA pAyA yahI rAmAyaNazravaNa hai| Aja maiM tulasIdAsako rAmAyaNako bhakti-mArgakA sarvottama graMtha mAnatA hai| . kucha mahIne bAda hama rAjakoTa aaye| vahAM aisI kathA na hotI thii| hAM, ekAdazIko bhAgavata alabattA par3hI jAtI thii| kabhI-kabhI maiM vahAM jAkara baiThatA; paraMtu kathA-paMDita use rocaka na banA pAte the| Aja maiM samajhatA hUM ki bhAgavata aisA graMtha hai ki jise par3hakara dharma-rasa utpanna kiyA jA sakatA hai| maiMne usakA gujarAtI anuvAda bar3e cAva-bhAvase par3hA hai| paraMtu mere ikkIsa dinake upavAsameM jaba bhArata-bhUSaNa paMDita madanamohana mAlavIyajIke zrImukha se mUla saMskRtake kitane hI aMza sune taba mujhe aisA lagA ki bacapana meM yadi unake sadaza bhagavadbhaktake muMhase bhAgavata sunI hotI, to bacapana meM hI merI gAr3ha-prIti usapara jama jaatii| maiM acchI taraha isa bAtako anubhava kara rahA hUM ki bacapanameM par3e zubha-azubha saMskAra bar3e gahare ho jAte haiM aura isIlie yaha bAta grana mujhe nahuna

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adhyAya 10 : dharmako jhalaka khala rahI hai ki lar3akapanameM kitane hI acche graMthoMkA avana-pAna na ho pAyA / rAjakoTameM mujhe saba saMpradAyoMke prati samAnabhAva rakhane kI zikSA anAyAsa milii| hiMdU-dharmake pratyeka saMpradAyake prati Adara-bhAva rakhanA sIkhA; kyoMki mAtA-pitA vaiSNava-maMdira bhI jAte the, zivAlaya bhI jAte va rAma-maMdira bhI jAte the aura hama bhAiyoMko bhI le jAte athavA bheja dete the| . phira pitAjIke pAsa eka-na-eka jaina dharmAcArya avazya AyA karate / pitAjI bhikSA dekara unakA Adara-satkAra bhI karate / ve pitAjIke sAtha dharma tathA vyavahAra carcA kiyA karate / isake sivA pitAjIke musalamAna tathA pArasI mitra bhI the| ve apane-apane dharmakI bAteM sunAyA karate aura pitAjI bahuta bAra Adara aura anurAgake sAtha unakI bAteM sunate / maiM pitAjIkA 'narsa ' thA, isalie aimI carcA ke samaya meM bhI prAyaH upasthita rahA krtaa| isa sAre vAyumaMDalakA yaha asara huA ki mere manameM saba dharmoke prati samAnabhAva paidA huaa| hAM, IsAI-dharma isameM apavAda thaa| usake prati to jarA aruci hI utpanna ho gaI / isakA kAraNa thaa| usa samaya hAIskUlake eka kone meM eka IsAI vyAkhyAna diyA karate the| vaha hiMdU netAoM aura hiMdU-dharmavAloMkI niMdA kiyA krte| yaha mujhe sahana na hotaa| maiM ekAdha hI bAra ina vyAkhyAnoMko sunaneke lie khar3A rahA hoUMgA, para phira vahAM khar3A honeko jI na caahaa| isI samaya sunA ki eka prasiddha hiMdU IsAI ho gaye haiN| gAMvameM yaha carcA phailI huI thI ki unheM jaba IsAI banAyA gayA taba go-mAMsa khilAyA gayA aura zarAba pilAI gii| unakA libAsa bhI badala diyA gayA / aura IsAI hone ke bAda vaha sajjana koTapatalana aura haiTa lagAne lge| yaha dekhakara mujhe vyathA phuNcii| 'jisa dharmameM jAne ke lie go-mAMsa khAnA par3atA ho, zarAba pInI par3atI ho aura apanA pahanAvA badalanA par3atA ho, use kyA dharma kahanA cAhie ? ' mere mana meM yaha vicAra utpanna huaa| phira to yaha bhI sunA ki IsAI ho jAnepara yaha mahAzaya apane pUrvajoMke dharmakI, rIti-rivAjalI, aura dezakI bhara-peTa niMdA karate phirate haiN| ina saba bAtoMse mere manameM IsAI-dharma ke prati aruci utpanna ho gii| . isa prakAra yadyapi dUsare dharmoke prati samabhAva utpanna huA, to bhI yaha nahIM kaha gayAne ki Izvara ke prati mere manameM zraddhA thii| isa samaya pitAjIke

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Atma-kathA: bhAga 1 pustaka-saMgrahamase manusmRtikA bhASAMtara mere hAtha pdd'aa| usameM sRSTikI utpatti AdikA varNana pddh'aa| usapara zraddhA na jmii| ulaTe kucha nAstikatA A gii| mere dUsare cacere bhAI jo abhI maujUda haiM, unakI buddhipara mujhe vizvAsa thaa| unake sAmane maiMne apanI zaMkAyeM rkkhiiN| paraMtu vaha merA samAdhAna na kara ske| unhoMne uttara diyA--" bar3e honepara ina praznoMkA uttara tumhArI buddhi apane-Apa dene lgegii| aise-aise savAla baccoMko na pUchane caahieN|" maiM cupa ho rahA, para manako zAMti na milii| manusmRtike khAdyAkhAdya-prakaraNameM tathA dUsare prakaraNoMmeM bhI pracalita prathAkA virodha dikhAI diyaa| isa zaMkAkA uttara bhI mujhe prAyaH Upara likhe anusAra hI milaa| taba yaha socakara manako samajhA liyA ki eka-na-eka dina buddhikA vikAsa hogA, taba adhika paThana aura manana karUMgA; aura taba saba kucha samajhameM Ane lgegaa| manusmRtiko par3hakara maiM usa samaya to usase ahiMsAkI preraNA na pA skaa| mAMsAhArakI bAta Upara A hI cukI hai| use to manusmRtikA bhI sahArA mila gyaa| yaha bhI jaMtrA thA ki sAMpa-khaTamala Adiko mAranA nIti-vihita hai / isa samaya, mujhe yAda hai, maiMne dharma samajhakara khaTamala ityAdiko mArA hai / para eka bAtane mere dilapara acchI jar3a jamA lii| yaha sRSTi nItike pAyepara khar3I hai, nIti-mAtrakA samAveza satyameM hotA hai| para satyakI khoja to abhI bAkI hai| dina-dina satyakI mahimA merI dRSTimeM bar3hatI gaI, satyakI vyAkhyA vistAra pAtI gaI aura aba bhI pAtI jA rahI hai / phira eka nIti-viSayaka chappaya hRdayameM aMkita ho gyaa| apakArakA badalA apahAra nahIM, balki upakAra ho sakatA hai, yaha bAta merA jIvana-sUtra bana baitthii| usane mujhapara apanI sattA jamAnI zurU kii| apakAra karane vAlekA bhalA cAhanA aura karanA mere anurAgakA viSaya ho claa| usake agaNita prayoga kiye| vaha camatkArI chappaya yaha hai-- pANI Apane pAsa, bhalu bhojana to bIje; AvI namAve zIza, daMDavata koDe kIje / ApaNa ghAne dAma, kAma mahoro nuM karIe; Apa ugAre prANa te taNA duHkha mAM marIe /

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adhyAya : 11 vilAyatakI taiyArI guNa keDe to guNa dazagaNo; mana vAcA karne karI; avaguNa keDe je guNa kare, te jagamAM jiityoshii|' vilAyatakI taiyArI 1887 IsavI meM maiTrikakI parIkSA pAsa kii| baMbaI aura ahamadAbAda do parIkSA keMdra the| dezakI daridratA aura kuTuMbakI Arthika avasthAke bahuta mAmUlI honeke kAraNa, merI sthitike kAThiyAvAr3a-nivAsIke lie najadIkI aura saste ahamadAbAdako pasaMda karanA svAbhAvika thaa| rAjakoTase ahamadAbAdakI maiMne yaha pahalI bAra akele yAtrA kI / gharake bar3e-bUDhoMkI yaha icchA thI ki pAsa ho jAnepara aba Age kAlejameM pddhuuN| kAleja to baMbaImeM bhI thA aura bhAvanagarameM bhii| bhAvanagarameM kharca kama par3atA thA, isalie zAmaladAsa kAleja meM par3hane kA nizcaya huprA / vahAM saba-kucha mujhe muzkila dikhane lgaa| adhyApakoMke vyAkhyAnoMmeM mana na lagatA, na samajha hI pdd'tii| usameM adhyApakoMkA doSa na thaa| merI par3hAI hI kaccI thii| usa samayake zAmaladAsa kAlejake adhyApaka to prathama paMktike mAne jAte the| pahalA satra pUrA karake ghara AyA / hamAre kuTuMbake purAne mitra aura salAhakAra eka vidvAn vyavahArakuzala bAhmaNa--bhAvajI dave the| pitAjIke svargavAsake bAda bhI unhoMne hamAre kuTuMbake sAtha saMbaMdha kAyama rakkhA thaa| chuTTiyoMke dinoM meM vaha ghara Aye / mAtAjI aura ' jala-phalakA upahAra, peTa bhara bhojana dIje / samuda namanake lie daMDavat pyAre kIje // kauDI pAkara mitra, muhara badale meM denaa| hove kaSTa-sahAya, prANa usake hita denA // guNake badale dasa gunA, yuga karatA yaha dharma hai.| avaguNa badale guNa kare, satya-dharmakA bharbha hai.||

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 bar3e bhAIke sAtha bAteM karate hue merI par3hAIke viSayameM pUchatAcha kii| yaha sunakara ki maiM zAmaladAsa kAlejameM par3hatA hUM, unhoMne kahA--- "aba jamAnA badala gayA hai / tuma bhAiyoMmeM se yadi koI kabA gAMdhIkI gaddI kAyama rakhanA cAho to yaha binA par3hAIke nahIM ho sktaa| yaha abhI par3ha rahA hai| isalie usa gaddIko kAyama rakhanekA bhAra isapara DAlanA caahie| ise abhI 4 sAla bI. e. hone meM lgeNge| isake bAda bhI 50)-60) kI naukarI bhale hI mile, dIvAna-pada nahIM mila sktaa| phira agara usake bAda mere lar3akekI taraha vakIla banAyoge to kucha aura sAla lageMge, aura tabataka to dIvAnagirIke lie kitane hI vakIla taiyAra ho jaayNge| Apako cAhie ki ise vilAyata par3hane bhejeN| kevalarAma (mAvajI davekA putra) kahatA hai ki vahAM par3hAI AsAna hai| tIna sAlameM par3hakara lauTa aavegaa| kharca bhI 4-5 hajArase jyAdA na lgegaa| dekho na, vaha nayA vairisTara AyA hai / kaise ThATa-bATa se rahatA hai / vaha yadi cAhe to Aja dIvAna bana sakatA hai| merI salAha to yaha hai ki mohanadAsako Apa isI sAla vilAyata bheja deN| vilAyatameM kevalarAmake bahutere mitra hai| vaha paricaya-patra de degA to ise vahAM koI kaThinAI na hogii|" jozIjIne (mAvajI daveko hama isI nAmase pukArA karate the), mAno unheM apanI salAhake maMjUra ho jAnemeM kucha bhI saMdeha na ho, merI ora mukhAtiba hokara pUchA "kyoM, tumheM vilAyata jAnA pasaMda hai yA yahIM par3hanA ?" - mere lie yaha 'nekI aura pUcha-pUcha 'vAlI masala ho gii| maiM kAlejakI kaThinAiyoMse taMga to A hI gayA thaa| maiMne kahA--"vilAyata bhejeM to bahuta hI acchA / kAlejameM jaldI-jaldI pAsa ho jAnekI AzA nahIM mAlUma hotii| para mujhe DaoNkTarIke lie kyoM nahIM bhejate ? " bar3e bhAI bIca meM bole-- "bApUko yaha pasaMda na thA / tumhArI bAta jaba nikalatI to kahate hama to vaiSNava haiN| hAr3a-mAMsa nocanekA kAma hama kaise kareM ? bApU to tumako vakIla banAnA cAhate the|" ___ jozIjIne vIcameM hI hAM-meM-hAM milAI-- "mujhe gAMdhIjIkI taraha DAkTarI se napharata nhiiN| hamAre zAstroMne isakA tiraskAra nahIM kiyA hai / paraMtu DAkTarI pAsa karake tuma dIvAna nahIM bana sakate / maiM tumako dIvAna aura isase bhI baDhakara

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adhyAya 11 : famikI taiyArI 36 dekhanA cAhatA hUM / tabhI tumhAre vizAla kuTuMbakA kAma cala sakatA hai| jamAnA dina-dina badalatA jAtA hai aura muzkila hotA jAtA hai, isalie bairisTara banAnA hI buddhimAnI hai / " 66 mAtAjI kI ora dekhakara kahA--- 'Aja to maiM jAtA hUM / merI bAtapara vicAra kiijiegaa| vApasa Anepara meM vilAyata jAnekI taiyArIke samAcAra sunanekI AzA rakkhUMgA / koI dikkata ho to mujhe khabara kIjiegA / jozIjI gaye / idhara maiMne havAI kile bAMdhanA zurU kiye / " bar3e bhAI zazopaMjameM par3a gye| rupayekA kyA iMtajAma kareM ? phira mujha jaise naujavAnako itanI dUra kaise bheja deM ? mAtAjI bhI bar3I dubidhAmeM par3a giiN| dUra bhejane kI bAta to unheM acchI na lagI / paraMtu zurU meM to unhoMne yahI kahA- " hamAre kuTuMbameM to aba cAcAjI hI bar3e-bUr3he haiM / isalie pahale to unhIMkI salAha lenI cAhie / yadi vaha ijAjata de deM to phira soceMge / bar3e bhAIko eka aura vicAra sUjhA -- "porabaMdara rAjya para hamArA haka hai / lelI sAhaba eDaminisTreTara haiM / hamAre parivAra ke saMbaMdha meM unakA acchA bhata hai / cAcAjIpara unakI khAsa meharabAnI hai / zAyada vaha rAjyakI zrorase tumhArI thor3I-bahuta madada bhI karadeM / " mujhe yaha saba pasaMda AyA / maiM porabaMdara jAneke lie taiyAra huA | usa samaya rela na thI / baila gAr3iyAM calatI thIM / 5 dinakA rAstA thA / maiM svabhAvase Darapoka thA, yaha to Upara kaha cukA huuN| para isa samaya merA Dara na jAne kahAM calA gayA / vilAyata jAnekI dhuna savAra huI / maiMne dhArAjI takakI gAr3I kI / dhorAjI se eka dina pahale pahuMcaneke irAdese UMTa kiyaa| UMTakI savArIkA yaha pahalA anubhava thA / porabaMdara pahuMcA / cAcAjIko sASTAMga praNAma kiyA / sArA kissA unase khaa| unhoMne vicAra karake uttara diyA " vilAyata jAkara apanA dharma kAyama rakha sakoge ki nahIM, yaha maiM nahIM jAnatA / sArI bAteM sunakara to mujhe saMdeha hI hotA hai / dekho na, bar3e-bar3e bairisTaroMse milane kA mujhe maukA milatA hai| maiM dekhatA hUM ki unakI aura sAhaba

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40 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 logoMkI rahana-sahana meM koI pharka nahIM / unheM khAnapAnakA koI paraheja nahIM hotA / sigAra to muMhase alaga hI nahIM hotI / pahanAva bhI dekho to naMgA / yaha saba apane kuTuMvako zobhA nahIM degA / para maiM tumhAre sAmane vidhya bhAgatA nahIM cAhatA / maiM thor3e hI dinoM meM tIrthayAtrAko jAne vAlA hU~ | merI jiMdagIke graba thor3e hI dina bAkI haiM / so maiM, joki jiMdagI ke kinAretaka pahuMca gayA hUM, tumako vilAyata jAnekI, samudra yAtrA karane kI ijAjata kaise dUM ? para maiM tumhArA rAstA na rokUMgA / asalI ijAjata to tumhArI mAtAjI kI hai / agara vaha tumheM ijAjata de deM to tuma zaukase jAmro / unase kahanA ki maiM tumheM na rokUMgA / merI AzISa to tumheM haI hai / 33 " isase jyAdAkI prAzA meM Apase nahIM kara sakatA / zrava mujhe mAtAjIko rAjI kara lenA hai | paraMtu lelI sAhabake nAma grApa ciTThI to deMge na ? " maiMne kahA / cAcAjI bole, "yaha to mujhase kaise ho sakatA hai ? para sAhaba bhale AdamI haiM / tuma ciTThI likho / apane kuTuMbakI yAda dilAnA to vaha jarUra milanekA samaya deMge; aura unheM UMcA to madada bhI kara deMge / 32 mujhe khayAla nahIM AtA ki cAcAjIne sAyake nAma ciTThI kyoM na dI ? para kucha-kucha aisA anumAna hotA hai ki vilAyata jAneke dharma viruddha kAryameM itanI sIdhI madada dete hue unheM saMkoca huA hogA / maiMne lelI sAhabako ciTThI likhI / unhoMne apane rahane ke baMgale para mujhe bulAyA | baMgale ke jInepara car3hate car3hate sAhaba mujhase mile aura yaha kahate hue Upara kar3a gaye ki -- " pahale bI. e. ho lo, phira mujhase milo abhI kucha madada nahIM ho sakatI / " maiM bahuta taiyArI karake, bahutere gayA thA / bahuta jhukakara donoM hAthoMse salAma kiyA thA, para merI sArI mihanata phijUla gaI / aba merI najara apanI patnI ke gahanoMpara gaI / bar3e bhAIpara mecI pAra zraddhA thI / unakI udAratAko sImA na thI / unakA prema pitAjIkI taraha thA / meM porabaMdara se vidA huA aura rAjakoTa saba bAteM sunAI / jozIjI se sanAha-mazavarA kiyA / unhoMne karja karake bhI vilAyata bhejane kI salAha dI / maiMne sujhAyA ki pIke gahane beca DAle jAyeM | gahanoMse do-tIna hajAra se jyAdA rakama milane kI yAzA na thI / kiMtu bhA ho jisa taraha ho, kA iMtajAma

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adhyAya 12 : jAti-bahiSkAra karanekA bIr3A uThAyA / para mAtAjI kyoMkara mAnatIM? unhoMne vilAyatake jIvanake saMbaMdha meM pUcha-tAcha zurU kii| kisIne kahA, navayuvaka vilAyata jAkara bigar3a jAte haiN| koI kahatA thA, ve mAMsa khAne laga jAte haiN| kisIne kahA, vahAM zarAba piye binA nahIM cltaa| mAtAjIne yaha saba mujhase khaa| maiMne samajhAyA ki tuma mujhapara vizvAsa rakkho, maiM vizvAsaghAta na kruuNgaa| maiM kasama khAkara kahatA hUM ki maiM inameM tInoM bAtoMse bcuuNgaa| aura agara aisI jokhimakI hI bAta hotI to jogIjI kyoM jAne kI salAha dete ? mAtAjI bolIM-- " mujhe terA vizvAsa hai| para dUra dezameM terA kaise kyA hogA? merI to akala kAma nahIM krtii| maiM becarajI svAmIse puuchNgii|" becarajI svAmI mor3ha baniyese jaina sAdhu hue the| jozIjI kI taraha hamAre salAhakAra bhI the| unhoMne merI madada kii| unhoMne kahA ki maiM isase tInoM bAtoMkI pratijJA livA luuNgaa| phira jAne dene meM koI harja nhiiN| tadanusAra maiMne mAMsa, madirA aura strI-saMgase dUra rahanekI pratijJA lii| taba mAtAjIne ijAjata de dii| mere vilAyata jAneke upalakSyameM hAIskUla meM vidyArthiyoMkA sammelana huaa| rAjakoTakA eka yuvaka vilAyata jA rahA hai, isapara sabako Azcarya hI ho rahA thaa| apanI bidAIke javAbameM maiM kucha likhakara le gayA thaa| para maiM use muzkilase par3ha skaa| sira ghUma rahA thA, badana kAMpa rahA thA, itanA mujhe yAda hai| ___bar3e-bar3hoMke AzIrvAda prAptakara maiM baMbaI ravAnA huaa| baMbaIkI merI yaha pahalI yAtrA thI, isalie bar3e bhAI sAtha pAye / paraMtu acche kAmameM saikar3oM vighna Ate haiM / baMbaIkA baMdara chUTanA AsAna na thaa| jAti-bahiSkAra mAtAjIkI AjJA aura AzIrvAda prApta kara, kucha mahInekA baccA patnIke sAtha chor3akara, maiM umaMga aura utkaMThAke sAtha baMbaI phuNcaa| pahuMca to gayA, para

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42 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 vahAM mitroMne bhAIse kahA ki jUna-julAI meM hiMda mahAsAgara meM tUphAna rahatA hai| yaha pahalI bAra samudra-yAtrA kara rahA hai, isalie divAlIke bAda arthAt navaMbara meM isako bhejanA caahie| itane meM hI kisIne tUphAna meM kisI jahAjake DUba jAnekI bAta bhI kaha ddaalii| isase bar3e bhAI ciMtita ho gye| unhoMne mujhe aisI jokhima uThAkara usI samaya bhejanese inkAra kara diyA, aura vahIM apane eka mitrake yahAM mujhe chor3akara khuda apanI naukarIpara rAjakoTa cale gye| apane eka bahanoIke pAsa rupaye-paise rakha gaye aura kucha mitroMse merI madada karaneko bhI kahate gaye / baMbaImeM merA par3Ava laMbA ho gyaa| vahAM mujhe dina-rAta vilAyatake hI sapane Ate / isI bIca hamArI jAtimeM khalabalI mcii| paMcAyata ikaTThI huii| mor3ha baniyoMmeM avataka koI vilAyata nahIM gayA thA aura una logoMkA kahanA thA ki yadi maiM aisA sAhasa karatA hUM to mujhase javAba talaba honA caahie| mujhe jAtikI paMcAyatameM hAjira honekA hukma huaa| maiM gyaa| Izvara jAne mujhe ekAeka yaha himmata kahAMse aaii| vahAM jAte hue na saMkoca huA, na Dara / jAtike mukhiyAke sAtha dUrakA kucha riztA bhI thA, pitAjIke sAtha unakA acchA saMbaMdha thaa| unhoMne mujhase kahA-- __ "paMcoMkA yaha mata hai ki tumhArA vilAyata jAnekA vicAra ThIka nahIM hai / apane dharmameM samudra-yAtrA manA hai / phira hamane sunA hai ki vilAyatameM dharmakA pAlana nahIM ho sktaa| vahAM aMgrejoMke sAtha khAnA-pInA par3atA hai / " ___maine uttara diyA, "maiM to samajhatA hUM, vilAyata jAnA kisI taraha adharma nhiiN| mujhe to vahAM jAkara sirpha vidyAdhyayana hI karanA hai| phira jina bAtoMkA bhaya Apako hai unase dUra rahanekI pratijJA maiMne mAtAjIke sAmane le lI hai aura maiM unase dUra raha skuuNgaa|" " para hama tumase kahate haiM ki vahAM dharma kAyama nahIM raha sktaa| tuma jAnate ho ki tumhAre pitAjIke sAtha merA kaisA saMbaMdha thA, tumheM merA kahanA mAna lenA cAhie," mukhiyA bole / - "jI, ApakA saMbaMdha mujhe yAda hai| Apa mere lie pitAke samAna haiN| paraMtu isa bAtameM maiM lAcAra huuN| vilAyata jAnekA nizcaya meM nahIM palaTa sktaa|

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adhyAya 126 jAti-bahiSkAra mere pitAjIke mitra aura salAhakAra, jo ki eka vidvAn brAhmaNa haiM, mAnate haiM ki mere vilAyata jAnemeM koI burAI nahIM / mAtAjI aura bhAI sAhabane bhI ijAjata de dI hai|" maiMne uttara diyA / " para paMcoMkA hukma tuma nahIM mAnoge ?" "maiM to lAcAra hUM, maiM samajhatA hUM paMcoMko isa mAmalemeM na par3anA caahie|" isa javAbase una mukhiyAko gussA A gyaa| mujhe do-cAra bhalI-burI sunaaii| maiM cupa baiTha rahA / unhoMne hukma diyA-- "yaha lar3akA Ajase jAta bAhara samajhA jAya / jo isakI madada karegA athavA pahuMcAne jAyagA vaha jAtikA gunahagAra hogA aura usase savA rupayA jurmAnA liyA jaavegaa|" isa prastAvakA mere dilapara kucha asara na huaa| maiMne mukhiyAse bidA maaNgii| aba mujhe yaha socanA thA ki isa prastAvakA asara bhAI sAhabapara kyA hogaa| vaha kahIM Dara gaye to? para saubhAgyase vaha dRr3ha rahe aura mujhe uttarameM likhA ki jAtike isa prastAvake hote hue bhI maiM tumako vilAyata jAnese nahIM roduuNgaa| isa ghaTanAke bAda maiM adhika ciMtAtura huaaa| bhAI sAhabapara dabAva DAlA gayA to ? athavA koI aura vighna khar3A ho gayA to? isa taraha ciMtAse maiM dina bitA rahA thA ki itane meM khabara milI ki 4 sitaMvarako chUTanevAle jahAjameM jUnAgar3hake eka vakIla bairisTara bananeke lie vilAyata jA rahe haiN| maiM bhAI sAhabake una mitroMse milA, jinase vaha mere lie kaha gaye the| unhoMne salAha dI ki isa sAthako nahIM chor3anA caahie| samaya bahuta thor3A thaa| bhAI sAhabase tAra dvArA AjJA maaNgii| unhoMne de dii| maiMne bahanoI sAhabase rupaye maaNge| unhoMne paMcoMkI AjJAkA jikra kiyaa| jAti-bAhara rahanA unheM maMjUra na ho sakatA thaa| taba apane kuTuMbake eka mitrake pAsa meM pahuMcA, aura kirAye vagairAke lie Avazyaka rakama mujhe dene aura phira bhAI sAhabase vasUla kara lenekA anurodha maiMne kiyaa| unhoMne na kevala isa bAtako svIkAra hI kiyA, balki mujhe himmata bhI bNdhaaii| maiMne unakA ahasAna mAnakara rupaye liye aura TikiTa kharIdA / vilAyata-yAtrAkA sArA sAmAna taiyAra karanA thaa| eka dUsare anubhavI

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44 Atma kathA : bhAga 1 mitrane sAja-sAmAna taiyAra krvaayaa| mujhe baha saba bar3A vicitra mAlUma huaa| kucha bAteM acchI lagI, kucha bilakula nahIM / nekaTAI to bilakula acchI na lagI-- hAlAMki Age jAkara maiM use bar3e zaukase pahanane lagA thaa| choTA-sA jAkeTa naMgA pahanAvA mAlUma huaa| paraMtu vilAyata jAnekI dhunameM isa nApasaMdIke lie jagaha nahIM thii| sAthameM khAnekA sAmAna bhI kAphI bAMdha liyA thA / mere lie sthAna bhI mitroMne traMbakarAya majUmadAra ( junAgar3ha vAle vakIla ) kI kebinameM rijarva kraayaa| unase mere lie unhoMne kaha bhI diyaa| vaha to the adher3a, anubhavI prAdamI / maiM ThaharA aThAraha barasakA naujavAna, duniyAke anubhavoMse bekhabara / majUmadArane mitroMko merI taraphase nizciMta rahanekA AzvAsana diyaa| isa taraha 4 sitaMbara 1888 I. ko maiMne baMbaI baMdara chodd'aa| Akhira vilAyatameM jahAjameM samudrase mujhe koI takalIpha na huii| para jyoM-jyoM dina jAte, maiM asamaMjasameM par3atA calA / sTuarTa ke sAtha bolate hue jheMpatA / aMgrejImeM bAtacIta karanekI Adata na thii| majUmadArako chor3akara bAkI saba yAtrI aMgreja the| unake mAmane bolate na banatA thaa| ve mujhase bolanekI ceSTA karate to unakI bAteM merI samasameM na AtI aura yadi samajha bhI letA to yaha ausAna nahIM rahatA ki jabAva kyA duu| hara vAkya bolane se pahale mana meM jamAnA par3atA thaa| churI-kAMTe se khAnA jAnatA na thaa| aura vaha pUchane kI bhI jurrata na hotI ki isameM binA mAMsakI cIjeM kyA-kyA haiM ? isa kAraNa maiM bhojanakI mejapara to kabhI gayA hI nahIM; kebina--- kamare-- meM hI khA letaa| apane sAtha miThAiyAM bagairA le rakkhI zrIM-- pradhAnataH unhIMpara gujara karatA rahA / majUmadArako to kisI prakArakA saMkoca na thaa| vaha sabake sAtha hilamila gaye / Dekapara bhI jahAM jI cAhA ghUmane phirate / maiM sArA dina kebinameM ghasA rahatA / Dekapara jaba logoMkI bhIr3a kama dekhatA, taba kahIM jAkara vahAM baiTha jaataa| majUmadAra mujhe samajhAte ki sabake sAtha milA-janA karo aura kahate--- apIla jabAMdagaja honA cAhie ! vakIlakI

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adhyAya 13 Akhira vilAyatameM 45 haisiyatase apanA anubhava bhI sunAte / kahate--"aMgrejI hamArI mAtR-bhASA nahIM, isalie bolane meM bhUleM honA svAbhAvika hai| phira bhI bolanekA raphta to karanA hI cAhie, aadi|" parantu mere lie apanA dabbUpana chor3anA bhArI par3atA thaa| mujhapara tarasa khAkara eka bhale aMgrejane mujhase bAtacIta karanA zurU kara diyA; vaha mujhase bar3e the| maiM kyA khAtA hUM, kauna hU~, kahAM jA rahA hUM, kyoM kisIke sAtha bAtacIta nahIM karatA, ityAdi savAla pUchate / mujhe khAneke lie mejapara jAnekI preraNA karate / mAMsa na khAneke mere AgrahakI bAta sunakara eka roja haMse aura mujhapara dayA pradarzita karate hue bole--- " yahAM to (porTasaIda pahuMcetaka) saba ThIka-ThAka hai, paraMtu biskeke upasAgarameM pahuMcanepara tumheM apane vicAra badalane pdd'eNge| iMglaiMDameM to itanA jAr3A par3atA hai ki mAMsake binA kAma cala hI nahIM sakatA / " maiMne kahA-- " maiMne to sunA hai ki vahAM loga binA mAMsAhAra kiye raha sakate haiN|" unhoMne kahA-- "yaha jhUTha hai| merI jAna-pahacAnavAloMmeM koI AdamI aisA nahIM hai, jo mAMsa na khAtA ho / maiM zarAba pIne ke lie tumase nahIM kahatA; para maiM samajhatA hUM, mAMsa to tumheM avazya khAnA caahie|" maiMne kahA-- "ApakI salAha ke lie maiM ApakA AbhArI huuN| para maiMne apanI mAtAjIko vacana diyA hai ki maiM mAMsa na khaauuNgaa| ataH maiM mAMsa nahIM khA sktaa| yadi usake vinA na raha sakate hoM to maiM phira hiMdustAnako lauTa jAUMgA, para mAMsa haragija na khAUMgA / " biskekA upasAgara aayaa| vahAM bhI mujhe na to mAMsakI AvazyakatA mAlUma huI, na madirAkI hii| gharapara mujhase kahA gayA thA ki mAMsa na khAne ke pramANapatra saMgraha karate rhnaa| so maiMne ina aMgreja mitrase pramANapatra maaNgaa| unhoMne khuzIse de diyaa| bahuta samaya taka maiMne usa dhanakI taraha saMbhAlakara rakkhA / pIche jAkara mujhe patA calA ki pramANapatra to mAMsa khAkara bhI prApta kiye jA sakate haiM / taba usase merA dila haTa gayA / maiMne kahA---yadi merI bAtapara kisIko vizvAsa na ho to aise mAmaloMmeM pramANapatra dikhAnese bhI mujhe kyA lAbha ho sakatA hai ?

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46 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 kisI taraha duHkha-sukha uThA, hamArI yAtrA pUrI huI aura sAudempTana baMdarapara hamAre jahAjane laMgara ddaalaa| mujhe yAda par3atA hai, usa dina zanivAra thaa| maiM jahAjapara kAle kapar3e pahanatA thaa| mitroMne mere lie sapheda phalAlainake koTapatalUna bhI banA diye the| maiMne socA thA ki vilAyatameM utarate samaya maiM unheM pahanUM / yaha samajhakara ki sapheda kapar3e jyAdA acche mAlUma hote haiM, isa libAsameM maiM jahAjase utraa| sitaMbarake aMtima dina the| aise libAsameM maiMne sirpha apaneko hI vahAM pAyA / mere saMdUka aura unakI tAliyAM griDale kaMpanIke gumAzte loga le gaye the| jaisA aura loga karate haiM, aisA hI mujhe bhI karanA cAhie, yaha samajhakara maiMne apanI tAliyAM bhI unheM de dI thIM ! mere pAsa cAra paricaya-patra the-- eka DAkTara prANajIvana mehatAke nAma, dUsarA dalapatarAma zaklake nAma, tIsarA prisa raNajItasiMhake nAma, aura cauthA dAdAbhAI naurojIke nAma / maiMne mAjadeSTanale DAkTara mehatAko nAra kara diyA thaa| jahAjameM kisIne salAha dI thI ki vikToriyA hoTala meM ThaharanA ThIka hogA, isalie majUmadAra aura maiM vahAM gaye / maiM to apane sapheda kapar3oMkI zarmameM hI burI taraha jheMpa rahA thaa| phira hoTalameM jAkara khabara lagI ki kala ravivAra honeke kAraNa somavArataka priMDaleke yahAMse sAmAna na A paavegaa| isase maiM bar3I duvidhAmeM par3a gayA / ___ sAta-ATha baje DAkTara mehatA aaye| unhoMne prema-bhAvase merA khUba majAka udd'aayaa| maiMne anajAnameM unakI rezamI roeMvAlI TopI dekhaneke lie uThAI aura usapara ulaTI tarapha hAtha pherane lgaa| TopIke roeM uTha khar3e hue| yaha DAkTara mehatAne dekhA / mujhe turaMta roka diyA, para kusUra to ho cukA thaa| unakI rokakA phala itanA hI ho pAyA ki maiM samajha gayA-- grAge phira aisI harakata na honI caahie| ___ yahAMse maiMne yUropiyana rasma-rivAjakA pahalA pATha par3hanA zurU kiyaa| DAkTara mehatA haMsate jAte aura bahuterI bAteM samajhAte jaate| 'kisIkI cIjako yahAM chUnA na caahie| hiMdustAnameM paricaya hote hI jo bAteM sahaja pUchI jA sakatI haiM, ve yahAM na pUchanI caahie| bAteM jora-jorase na karanI caahie| hiMdustAna meM sAhaboMke sAtha bAteM karate hue 'sara' kahane kA jo rivAja hai vaha yahAM anAvazyaka

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adhyAya 13, Akhira vilAyatameM 47 hai| 'sara' to naukara apane mAlikako athavA apane aphasarako kahatA hai|' phira unhoMne yaha bhI kahA ki 'hoTalameM to qharcA jyAdA par3egA, isalie kisI kuTuMbake sAtha rahanA ThIka hogaa|' isa saMbaMdhameM vicAra somavArataka multavI rahA / aura bhI kitanI hI hidAyateM dekara DAkTara mehatA bidA hue| hoTalameM to hama donoM ko aisA mAlUma huA mAno kahIMse A ghuse hoN| kharca bhI bahuta par3atA thaa| mAlTAse eka siMdhI yAtrI savAra hue the| majUmadArakI unake sAtha acchI jAna-pahacAna ho gaI thii| vaha siMdhI yAtrI laMdanake jAnakAra the| unhoMne hamAre lie do kamare le lenekA jimmA liyaa| hama donoM rajAmaMda hue aura somavArako jyoM hI sAmAna milA, hoTalakA bila cukAkara una kamaroMmeM dAkhila hue| mujhe yAda hai ki hoTalakA kharcA lagabhaga tIna pauMDa mere hisse meM AyA thaa| maiM to bhauMcaka raha gyaa| tIna pauMDa dekara bhI bhUkhA hI rhaa| vahAMkI koI cIja acchI nahIM lgii| eka cIja uThAI, vaha na bhAI / taba dUsarI lii| para dAma to donoMkA denA par3atA thaa| maiM abhItaka prAyaH baMbaIse lAye khAdyapadArthoMpara hI gujArA karatA rahA / usa kamare meM to maiM bar3A duHkhI huaa| deza khUba yAda Ane lagA / mAtAkA prema sAkSAt sAmane dikhAI pdd'taa| rAta hote hI rulAI zurU hotii| gharakI taraha-tarahakI bAteM yAda aatiiN| usa tUphAnameM nIMda bhalA kyoM Ane lagI ? phira usa duHkhakI bAta kisIse kaha bhI nahIM sakatA thaa| kahane se lAbha hI kyA thA ? maiM khuda na jAnatA thA ki mujhe kisa ilAjase tasallI milegii| loga nirAle, rahana-sahana nirAlI, makAna bhI nirAle aura gharoM meM rahanekA taura-tarIkA bhI niraalaa| phira yaha bhI acchI taraha nahIM mAlUma ki kisa bAtake bola denese athavA kyA karanese yahAMke ziSTAcArakA athavA niyamakA bhaMga hotA hai / isake alAvA khAna-pAnakA paraheja alaga; aura jina cIjoMko maiM khA sakatA thA, ve rUkhI-sUkhI mAlUma hotI thiiN| isa kAraNa merI hAlata sAMpa-chachUdara jaisI ho gii| vilAyatameM acchA nahIM lagatA thA aura dezako bhI vApasa nahIM lauTa sakatA thaa| phira vilAyata A jAneke bAda to tIna sAla pUrA karake hI lauTane kA nizcaya thaa|

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46 Ahahma-kathA : bhAga 1 merI pasaMdagI DAkTara mehatA somabArako vikToriyA hoTalameM mujhase milane gye| vahAM unheM hamAre naye makAnakA patA lgaa| vaha vahAM aaye| merI bevakUphIme jahAjameM gujhe dAda ho gaI thii| jahAjameM khAre pAnIse nahAnA pdd'taa| usameM sAbuna ghulatA nhiiN| idhara maiM sAbuname nahAne meM sabhyatA samajhatA thaa| isalie garIra sApha hone ke badale ulaTA cikaTA ho gayA aura mujhe dAda paidA ho gii| DAkTarane tejAba-sA esiTika-esiDa diyA, jisane mujhe rulAkara chodd'aa| DAkTara mehatAne hamAre kamare Adiko dekhakara sira hilAyA va kahA--- "yaha makAna kAmakA nhiiN| isa deza meM Akara mahaja pustakeM par3hane kI apekSA yahAMkA anubhava prApta karanA jyAdA jarUrI hai| isake lie kisI kuTuMba meM rahane kI jarUrata hai| para philahAla kucha bAteM sIkhane ke lie . . . ke yahAM rahanA ThIka hogaa| maiM tumako unake yahAM le calaMgA / " ___ maiMne sadhanyavAda unakI bAta mAna lii| una mitrake yahAM gyaa| unhoMne merI khAtira-tavAjomeM kisI bAtakI kasara na rkkhii| mujhe apane sage bhAIkI taraha rakkhA, aMgrejI rasma-rivAja minAye / aMgrejImeM kucha bAtacIta karanekI Teva bhI unhoMne mujhe ddaalii| . para mere bhojanakA savAla bar3A vikaTa ho pdd'aa| binA namaka, mirca, masAle kA sAga bhAtA nahIM thaa| mAlakina nArI mere lie pakAtI bhI kyA ? subaha proTa-mIlakI eka kismakI lapasI banatI, usase kucha peTa bhara jAtA, para dopaharako aura zAmako hamezA bhUkhA rhtaa| yaha mitra mAMsAhAra karane ke liera roja samajhAte / para maiM apanI pratijJAkA nAma lekara cupa ho rhtaa| unakI dalIloMkA mukAbalA na kara sakatA thaa| dopaharako sirpha roTI aura caulAIke sAga tathA murabbepara gujara krtaa| yahI khAnA zAmako bhii| maiM dekhatA thA ki roTIke to do hI tIna Tukar3e le sakate haiM, ataH yAdA mAMgane hue aMga lgtii| phira merA aAhAra bhI kAphI thaa| jaTharAgni teja thI, aura kAphI mAhAra bhI

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adhyAya 14 : merI pasaMdagI 42 cAhatI thii| dopaharako yA zAmako dUdha bilakula nahIM milatA thA / merI yaha hAlata dekhakara vaha mitra eka dina jhallAye aura bole -- "dekho, yadi tuma mere sage bhAI hote to maiM tumako jarUra deza lauTA detA / nirakSara mAMko yahAMkI hAlata jAne bagaira diye gaye vacanakA kyA mUlya ? ise kauna pratijJA kahegA ? maiM tumase kahatA hUM ki kAnUnake anusAra bhI ise pratijJA nahIM kaha skte| aisI pratijJA liye baiThe rahanA aMdha-vizvAsake sivA kucha nahIM / aura aise aMdha vizvAsoMkA zikAra bane rahakara tuma isa dezase koI bAta apane dezako nahIM le jA sakate / tuma to kahate ho ki maiMne mAMsa khAyA hai / tumheM to vaha bhAyA bhI thA / aba jahAM khAne kI koI jarUrata na thI vahAM to khA liyA, aura jahAM khAsa taurapara usakI jarUrata hai vahAM usakA tyAga ! kitane tAjjuba kI bAta hai ! 37 para maiM Tasa se masa na huA / aisI dalIleM roja huA karatIM / chattIsa rogoMkI davA 'nannA' hI mere pAsa thI / vaha mitra jyoM-jyoM mujhe samajhAte tyoM-tyoM merI dRr3hatA bar3hatI jAtI / roja maiM Izvara se apanI rakSAkI yAcanA karatA aura roja vaha pUrI hotI / maiM yaha to nahIM jAnatA thA ki Izvara kyA cIja hai, para usa raMbhAkI dI huI zraddhA apanA kAma kara rahI thI / eka dina mitrane mere sAmane beMthamakI pustaka par3hanI zurU kI / upayogitAaar for pddh'aa| maiM cauMkA | bhASA kliSTa / maiM thor3A-bahuta samajhatA / taba unhoMne usakA vivecana karake smjhaayaa| maiMne uttara diyA, "mujhe isase mAphI diijie| maiM itanI sUkSma bAteM nahIM samajha sktaa| maiM mAnatA hUM ki mAMsa khAnA cAhie, paraMtu pratijJAke baMdhanako maiM nahIM tor3a sakatA / isake saMbaMdha meM maiM vAda-vivAda bhI nahIM kara sakatA / maiM jAnatA hUM ki bahasameM maiM Apase nahIM jIta sakatA / ataH mujhe mUrkha samajhakara, athavA jiddI hI samajhakara isa bAta merI nAma chor3a diijie| Apake premako maiM pahacAnatA hUM / ApakA uddezya bhI samajhatA hUM | Apako apanA parama hitecchu mAnatA huuN| maiM yaha bhI dekhatA hUM ki Apa sired haiM ki Apako merI hAlata para duHkha hotA hai / para maiM lAcAra hUM / pratijJA kisI taraha nahIM TUTa sakatI / 33 mitra becAre dekhate raha gaye / unhoMne pustaka baMda karadI | 44 basa, aba

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Atma-kathA maiM tumase isa bAta para bahasa na kruuNgaa|" kahakara cupa ho rahe / maiM khuza huaa| isake bAda unhoMne bahasa karanA chor3a diyA / . para merI taraphase unakI ciMtA dUra na huii| vaha sigareTa pIte, zarAba pIte / para isameMse eka bhI bAtake lie mujhe kabhI nahIM llcaayaa| ulaTA manA krte| para unakI sArI ciMtA to yaha thI ki mAMsAhArake binA maiM kamajora ho jAUMgA aura iMglaiMDameM AjAdIse na raha sakU~gA / isa taraha-eka mAsa taka maiMne nausikhiyeke rUpameM ummIdavArI kii| una mitrakA sthAna ricamaMDameM thA, isase laMdana saptAhameM eka-do bAra hI jAyA jaataa| aba DAkdara mehatA tathA zrI dalapatarAma zukla ne yaha vicAra kiyA ki mujhe kisI kuTuMbameM rakhanA caahie| zrI zuklane vesTa notimana meM eka eMglo-iMDiyanakA ghara khojA, aura vahAM merA DerA lgaa| mAlakina vidhavA strI thii| usase maiMne apane mAMsa-tyAgakI bAta khii| bur3hiyAne mere lie nirAmiSa bhojanakA prabaMdha karanA svIkAra kiyaa| maiM vahAM rahA, para vahAM bhI bhUkhe hI dina bItate / gharase maiMne miThAiyAM nAdi maMgAI to thIM, para ve abhI pahuMca nahIM pAI thiiN| bur3hiyAke yahAMkA khAnA saba be-svAda lgtaa| bur3hiyA bAra-bAra pUchatI, para becArI karatI kyA, phira maiM abhItaka zaramAtA thaa| bur3hiyAke do lar3akiyAM thiiN| ve Agraha karake kucha roTI jyAdA parosa detIM, para ve becArI kyA jAnatI thIM ki merA peTa to tabhI bhara sakatA thA, jaba unakI sArI roTiyAM sA kara jAtA / . lekina aba mere paMkha phUTane laga gaye the| abhI par3hAI to zurU huI bhI nhiiN| yoM hI akhabAra vagairA par3hane lagA thaa| vaha huA gulajIke badaulata / hiMdustAnameM maiMne kabhI akhabAra nahIM par3hA thaa| paraMtu niraMtara par3haneke abhyAsase unheM par3anekA zauka laga gyaa| 'DelInyUz2a', 'DelI TelIgrApha' aura 'pelamela gajaTa' itane akhavAroM para najara DAla liyA karatA thaa| gargana gurU-zurU meM isameM eka ghaMTe se jyAdA na lagatA thaa| maiMne ghUmanA zurU kara diyA / mujhe nirAmiSa arthAt annake bhojanabAle bhojana-gRhakI talAza thii| makAna-mAlakinane bhI kahA thA ki laMdana zaharameM aise gRha hai avazya / maiM 10-12 mIla roja ghUmatA : kilI gAmUlI bhojanAlayameM jAkara roTI to peTa-bhara khA letA, para dila na bhrtaa| isa taraha bhaTakate hue

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adhyAya 15 : 'sabhya' vezameM eka dina mai pheriMgTana sTrITa pahuMcA, aura 'vejiTeriyana restarAM' (nirAmiSa bhojanAlaya ) nAma par3hA / bacceko manacAhI cIja milane se jo AnaMda hotA hai, vahI mujhe huaa| harSonmatta hokara maiM aMdara pahuMcA hI nahIM ki daravAje ke pAsa kAMcakI khir3akImeM vikrayArtha pustake dekhiiN| unameM maiMne saoNlTakI 'annAhArakI himAyata' nAmaka pustaka dekhii| eka ziliMga dekara kharIdI aura phira bhojana karane baiThA / vilAyatameM Aneke vAda yahI pahalA dina thA, jaba maiMne peTa-bhara khAnA khAyA / usa dina Izvarane merI bhUkha bujhAI / saoNlTakI pustaka pddh'ii| mere dilapara usakI acchI chApa pdd'ii| yaha pustaka par3haneke dinase maiM apanI icchAse, arthAt soca-samajhakara, annAhArakA kAyala huaa| mAtAjIke sAmane kI huI pratijJA aba mujhe vizeSa AnaMdadAyaka ho gii| aba taka jo maiM yaha mAna rahA thA ki saba loga mAMsAhArI ho jAyaM to acchA aura pahale kevala satyakI rakSAke lie aura pIchese pratijJA-pAlanake lie mAMsAhArane paraheja karatA rahA aura bhaviSyameM kisI dina AjAdIse khulegrAma mAMsa khAkara dUsaroMko mAMsa-bhojiyoMkI TolImeM zAmila karanekA hausalA rakhatA thA, so avase, usake bajAya khuda annAhArI rahakara auroMko bhI aisA banAnekI dhana mere sirapara savAra huI / 'sabhya vezameM annAhArapara merI zraddhA dina-dina bar3hatI gii| saoNlTakI pustakane AhAraviSayapara adhika pustakeM par3hanekI utsukatA tIvra kara dii| aisI jitanI pustakeM mujhe milIM utanI DarIdI aura pddh'iiN| hAvarDa viliyamsakI 'AhAra-nIti' nAmaka pustaka meM bhinna-bhinna yugake jJAniyoM, avatAroM, paigaMbaroMke AhArakA aura umase saMbaMdha rakhanevAle unake vinAkA varNana kiyA gayA hai| pAithAgorasa, IsAmasIha ityAdiko usane mahaja annAhArI sAbita karanekI koziza kI hai| DAkTara miseja enA kiMgsapharDa kI 'uttama AhArakI rIti' nAmaka pustaka bhI cittAlArgaka thii| phira mArogya-saMbaMdhI DA. elinsanake lekha bhI ThIka madadagAra

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52 Atma-kathA. : bhAga 1 sAvita hue| unameM isa paddhatikA samarthana kiyA gayA thA ki davA deneke bajAya kevala bhojanameM pheraphAra karanese rogI kaise acche ho jAte haiN| DAkTara elinsana khuda annAhArI the aura rogiyoMko kevala annAhAra hI batAte / ina tamAma pustakoMke paThanakA yaha pariNAma huA ki merI jiMdagImeM bhojanake prayogoMne mahattvakA sthAna prApta kara liyaa| zurUmeM ina prayogoMmeM ArogyakI dRSTikI pradhAnatA thii| pIche calakara dhArmika dRSTi sarvopari ho gii| abataka mere una mitrakI ciMtA merI taraphase dUra na huI thii| premake vazavartI hokara vaha yaha mAna baiThe the ki yadi maiM mAMsAhAra na karUMgA to kamajora ho jAUMgA, yahI nahIM balki buddhU banA raha jAUMgA; kyoMki aMgreja-samAjameM maiM mila-jula na skuNgaa| unheM mere annAhAra-saMbaMdhI pustakoMke par3hanekI khabara thii| unheM yaha bhaya huA ki aisI pustakoMko par3hanese merA dimAga kharAba ho jAyagA, prayogoMmeM merI jindagI yoM hI barabAda ho jAyagI, jo mujhe karanA hai vaha eka tarapha raha jAyagA aura maiM sanakI banakara baiTha jaauuNgaa| isa kAraNa unhoMne mujhe sudhArane kA AkhirI prayatna kiyaa| mujhe eka nATakameM calane ko bulaayaa| vahAM jAneke pahale unake sAtha haoNvarna bhojanAlayameM bhojana karanA thaa| vaha bhojanAlaya kyA, mere lie khAsA eka mahala thaa| vikToriyA hoTalako chor3ane ke bAda aise bhojanAlayameM jAnekA yaha pahalA anubhava thaa| vikToriyA hoTalakA anubhava to yoM hI thA, kyoMki usa samaya to maiM kartavya-mUr3ha thaa| astu, saikar3oM logoMke bIca hama do mitroMne eka mejapara Asana jmaayaa| mitrane pahalA khAnA mNgaayaa| vaha 'sUpa' yA zoravA hotA hai| maiM duvidhAmeM par3A / mitrase kyA pUchatA? maine parosane vAleko najadIka bulAyA / mitra samajha gye| cir3hakara bole--" kyA mAmalA hai ?" ___ maiMne dhImese saMkocake sAtha kahA--" meM jAnanA cAhatA hUM ki isameM mAMsa hai yA nahIM ?" "aisA jaMgalIpana isa bhojanAlayameM nahIM cala sktaa| yadi tumako aba bhI yaha cakha-cakha karanI ho to bAhara jAkara kisI aire-gaire bhojanAlayameM khAlo aura vahIM bAhara merI rAha dekho|" mujhe usa prastAvase bar3I khuzI huI; aura maiM turaMta dusare bhojanAlayakI

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adhyAya 15 : 'sabhya' bezameM 53 khoja meM calA / pAsa hI eka annAhAravAlA bhojanAlaya thA to, para vaha baMda ho gayA thaa| taba kyA karanA cAhie ? kucha na sUjha pdd'aa| aMtako bhUkhA hI rahA / hama loga nATaka dekhane gaye / para mitrane usa ghaTanAke bAremeM eka zabdataka na kahA / mujhe to kucha kahanA hI kyA thA ? paraMtu hamAre daramiyAna yaha AkhirI mitra yuddha thA / isase hamArA saMbaMdha to TUTA, na usameM kaTutA hI AI / maiM unake tamAma prayatnoMke mUlameM unake premako dekha rahA thA, isase vicAra aura pracArakI bhinnatA rahate hue bhI merA Adara unake prati bar3hA, ghaTA rattIbhara nahIM / para aba mere mana meM yaha zrAyA ki mujhe unakI bhIti dUra kara denI cAhie / maiMne nizcaya kiyA ki maiM apaneko jaMgalI na kahalAne dUMgA, sabhyoMke lakSaNa prApta karUMgA aura dUsare upAyoMse samAjameM sammilita honeke yogya banakara apanI annAhAra kI vicitratAko Dhaka lUMgA / maiMne 'sabhyatA' sIkhanekA rAstA ikhtiyAra to kiyA; para vaha thA merI pahuMcake pare aura bahuta saMkar3A / astu / mere kapar3e the to vilAyatI; paraMtu baMbaIkI kATa ke the / ataeva ve acche aMgrejI samAjameM na phabeMge, isa vicArase ' grArmI aura nevI sTora' meM dUsare kapar3e banavAye / unnIsa ziliMgakI ( yaha dAma usa jamAne meM bahuta thA ) ' cimnI' TopI lAyA / isase bhI saMtoSa na huA / bAMDa sTrITameM zaukIna logoMke kapar3e siye jAte the / yahAM zAmake kapar3e dasa pauMDapara battI rakhakara, banavAye / apane bhole aura dariyAdila bar3e bhAI se khAsa taurapara sonekI cena banavAkara maMgavAI, jo donoM jeboMmeM laTakAI jA sakatI thI / baMdhI-baMdhAI taiyAra TAI pahananekA rivAja na thA / isalie TAI bAMdhanekI kalA sIkhI / dezameM to AinA sirpha bAla banavAne ke dina dekhate haiM, para yahAM to bar3e Aine ke sAmane khar3e rahakara TAI ThIkaThIka bAMdhane meM aura bAkI paTTiyAM pAr3ane aura ThIka-ThIka mAMga nikAlanemeM roja daseka minaTa barabAda hote / phira bAla mulAyama na the / unheM ThIka-ThIka saMvAre rakhane ke lie bruza ( yAnI jhADU hI na ? ) ke sAtha roja lar3AI hotI / aura TopI dete aura utArate hAtha to mAno mAMga-saMvAreke lie sirapara car3he rahate aura bIca-bIca meM jaba kabhI samAjameM baiThe hoM taba mAMgapara hAtha pherakara bAloMko saMvArate

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54 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 rahane kI eka aura sabhya kiyA hotI rahatI thI, so alg| paraMtu itanI tar3aka-bhar3aka kAphI na thI / akele sabhya libAsa pahana lene se thor3e hI koI sabhya ho jAtA hai ? isalie sabhyatAke aura bhI kitane hI UparI lakSaNa jAna liye the / aba unake anusAra karanA bAkI thaa| sabhya puruSako nAcanA AnA cAhie; phira phreMca bhASA ThIka-ThIka jAnanA caahie| kyoMki phreMca eka to iMglaiMDake par3osI phrAMsakI bhASA thI, aura dUsare sAre yUropakI rASTrabhASA bhI thii| mujhe yUropa bhramaNa karanekI icchA thI / phira sabhya puruSako lacchedAra vyAkhyAna denekI kalAmeM bhI nipuNa honA caahie| maiMne nAcanA sIkha lenekA nizcaya kiyA / nAcaneke eka vidyAlaya meM bharatI huA / eka satrakI phIsa koI tIneka pauMDa dI hogI / koI tIna saptAhameM pAMca-chaH pATha par3he hoMge / para ThIkaThIka tAlapara pAMva nahIM par3atA thA / piyAno to bajatA thA, para yaha na jAna par3atA thA ki yaha kyA kaha rahA hai, 'eka, do, tIna' kA krama calatA, para inake bIcakA aMtara to vaha vAjA hI dikhAtA thA, so kucha samajha na par3atA / to aba ? aba to bAbAjIkI laMgoTIvAlA kissA huaa| laMgoTIko cUhoMse bacAne ke lie, billI, aura billI ke lie bakarI -- isa taraha bAbAjIkA parivAra bar3hA / socA, vAyolina bajAnA sIkhalaM to sura aura tAlakA jJAna ho jaavegaa| tIna pauMDa vAyolina kharIdane meM bigar3e aura use sIkhane ke lie bhI kucha dakSiNA dI / vyAkhyAnakalA sIkhaneke lie eka aura zikSakakA ghara khojA / use bhI eka ginnI bheMTa kI / usakI preraNAse 'sTaiMDarDa elokyuzanisTa' kharIdA / piTake bhASaNa se zrIgaNeza 1. huA / 1 paraM, ina bela sAhabane mere kAna meM 'bela ( ghaMTA ) bajAyA / maiM jagA, saceta huA / maiMne kahA, "mujhe sArI jiMdagI to iMglaiMDa meM bitAnA hai nahIM; lacchedAra vyAkhyAna denA sIkhakara bhI kyA karUMgA ? nAca nAcakara meM sabhya kaise banUMgA ? vAyolina to devameM bhI sIkha sakatA huuN| phira meM to ThaharA vidyArthI / mujhe to vidyAna bar3hAnA caahie| mujhe apane lie Avasyaka taiyArI karanI cAhie: apane dvArA yadi meM sabhya rAmalA jAU to ThIka hai, nahIM to mujhe yaha lobha chor3a denA cAhie / "

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adhyAya 16 : parivartana 55 isa vicArakI dhuna meM pUrvokta AzayakA patra maiMne vyAkhyAna - zikSakako bheja diyA / usase maiMne do yA tIna pATha par3he the / nAca - zikSikAko bhI aisA hI patra likha diyA / vAyolina - zikSikA ke yahAM vAyolina lekara pahuMcA aura use kaha AyA ki jo dAma mile lekara beca do / usase kucha mitratA-sI ho gaI thI, isalie usase maiMne apanI bevakUphIkA jikra bhI kara diyA / nAca ityAdike jaMjAla se chUTa jAnekI bAta use bhI pasaMda huI / khaira / sabhya bananekI merI yaha sanaka to koI tIna mahIne calI hogI, kiMtu kapar3oMkI tar3aka-bhar3aka barasoMtaka calatI rhii| para aba maiM vidyArthI bana gayA thA / 16 parivartana koI yaha na samajhe ki nAca yAdike mere prayoga merI ucchRMkhalatAke yugako sUcita karate haiN| pAThakoMne dekhA hI hogA ki usameM kucha vicArakA aMza thA / isa mUcchake samaya meM bhI kucha aMzataka meM sAvadhAna thaa| eka-eka pAIkA hisAba rakhatA / kharcakA aMdAjA thA / yaha nizcaya kara liyA thA ki 15 pauMDa prati mAsa se adhika kharca na ho / basa ( moTara ) kirAyA aura DAkakharca bhI hamezA likhatA aura soneke pahale hamezA hisAbakA mela milA letA / yaha Teva aMtataka kAyama rahI; aura maiMne dekhA ki usake badaulata sArvajanika kAryoMmeM mere hAthase jo lAkhoM rupaye kharca hue unameM maiM kiphAyata se kAma sakatA hUM, aura jitanI halacaleM merI dekharekhameM calI hai unameM mujhe karja nahIM karanA pdd'aa| ulaTA harekameM kucha-na-kucha bacata hI rahI hai / yadi hareka navayuvaka apane thor3e rupayoMkA bhI hisAba ciMtA ke sAtha rakhegA, to usakA lAbha use zravazya milegA, jaisA ki merI isa Adata ke kAraNa Age calakara mujhe aura samAja donoMko milA / 0 apanI rahana-sahanapara merI kar3I najara thii| isalie maiM dekha sakatA thA ki mujhe kitanA kharca karanA caahie| aba maiMne kharca AdhA kara DAlanekA vicAra kiyA / hisAbako gaura se dekhA to mAlUma huA ki gAr3I-bhAr3ekA kharca kAphI baiThatA thaa| phira eka kuTuMba ke sAtha rahaneke kAraNa kucha-na-kucha kharca prati saptAha laga

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 hI jaataa| kuTuMbake logoMko eka-na-eka dina bhojanake lie bAhara le jAne ke ziSTAcArakA pAlana karanA jarUrI thaa| phira unake sAtha kaI bAra dAvatoMmeM jAnA par3atA aura usameM gAr3I-bhAr3A lagatA hii| mAlakina kI lar3akI yadi sAtha ho, to usako apanA kharca na dene dekara khuda hI denA ucita thaa| aura dAvatameM bAhara jAnepara ghara khAnA na hotA; usake bhI paise dene par3ate aura bAhara bhI kharca karanA pdd'taa| maiMne dekhA ki yaha kharca bacAyA jA sakatA hai; aura yaha bhI dhyAna meM pAyA ki loka-lAjase jo kitanA hI kharca karanA par3atA hai vaha bhI baca sakatA hai| aba kuTuMbake sAtha rahanA chor3akara alaga kamarA lekara rahanekA nizcaya kiyA, aura yaha bhI taya kiyA ki kAmake anusAra tathA anubhava prApta karaneke lie alaga-alaga muhalloMmeM ghara lene caahie| ghara aisI jagaha pasaMda kiyA ki jahAMse kAmake sthAnapara paidala jA sakeM aura gAr3I-bhAr3A baca jAya / isase pahale jAneke lie eka to gAr3I-bhAr3A kharacanA par3atA aura, dUsare, ghUmane jAneke lie alaga vakta nikAlanA par3atA / aba aisI tajavIja kI gaI ki jisase kAmapara jAneke sAtha hI ghUmanA bhI ho jAyA krtaa| ATha-dasa mIla to maiM sahaja ghUma-phira ddaaltaa| pradhAnata: isI eka Adatake kAraNa maiM vilAyatameM zAyada hI bImAra par3A houuN| zarIra ThIka-ThIka sugaThita huaa| kuTuMbake sAtha rahanA chor3a kara do kamare kirAyepara liye, eka soneke lie aura eka baiThaneke lie| isa parivartanako dUsarA yuga kaha sakate haiN| tIsarA parivartana abhI Age Ane vAlA thaa| isa taraha AdhA kharca bcaa| para samaya ? maiM jAnatA thA ki bairisTarIparIkSAke lie bahuta par3hanekI jarUrata nahIM hai| isalie maiM bephikara thA / merI kaccI aMgrejI mujhe khalA karatI thii| lelI sAhaba ke zabda bI0 e0 hokara mere pAsa AnA, mujhe cubhA karate the| isalie maiMne socA, bairisTara hone ke atirikta mujhe kucha aura adhyayana bhI karanA cAhie / AksapharDa, keMdri jameM patA lagAyA / kitane hI mitroMse milaa| dekhA ki vahAM jAnese kharca bahuta par3egA aura pAThya-krama bhI laMbA hai| maiM tIna varSane jyAdA vahAM raha nahIM sakatA thaa| kisI miyane kahA, "yadi tuma koI kaThina parIkSA hI denA cAhate ho to laMdanatI praveza parIkSA pAsa kara lo| usameM parizrama kAphI karanA par3egA aura sAmAnya jJAna bhI bar3ha jAyagA /

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adhyAya 16 : parivartana sAtha hI kharca bilakula nahIM bar3hegA / " yaha bAta mujhe pasaMda huii| para parIkSAke viSaya dekhakara mere kAna khar3e hue| laiTina aura eka dUsarI bhASA anivArya thI / aba laiTinakI taiyArI kaise ho ? para mitrane sujhAyA, "vakIlako laiTinakA bar3A kAma par3atA hai / laiTina jAnanevAleko kAnUnakI pustakeM samajhane meM sahUliyata hotI hai / phira romana laoNkI parIkSAmeM eka prazna-patra to kevala laiTina bhASAkA hI hotA hai, aura laiTina jAna lenese aMgrejI bhASApara jyAdA adhikAra ho jAtA hai| ina bAtoMkA asara mere dilapara huA / cAhe muzkila bhale hI ho, para laiTina jarUra sIkhanA caahie| phreMca jo zurU kI thI use bhI pUrA karanA cAhie / ataH dUsarI bhASA phreMca lenekA nizcaya kiyA / eka khAnagI maiTrikyulezana klAsa khulA thA, usameM bharatI huA / parIkSA hara chaThe mahIne hotI / muzkilase pAMca mahIne kA samaya milA thaa| yaha kAma mere bUteke bAhara thA, kiMtu pariNAma yaha huA ki sabhya bananekI dhuna meM maiM atyanta udyamI vidyArthI bana gayA / TAima-Tebala banAyA / eka-eka minaTa bacAyA / paraMtu merI buddhi aura smaraNa zakti aisI na thI ki dUsare viSayoMke uparAMta laiTina aura phreMcako bhI samhAla sakatA / parIkSA dI, para laiTina meM phela huA, isase duHkha to huA, para himmata na hArA / idhara laiTinakA svAda laga gayA thA / socA ki phreMca jyAdA acchI ho jAyagI aura vijJAna meM nayA viSaya le lUMgA / rasAyanazAstra, jisameM meM aba dekhatA hUM ki khUba mana laganA cAhie, prayogoMke abhAva meM, mujhe acchA hI na lagA / dezameM yaha viSaya mere pAThyakramameM rahA hI thA / isalie laMdana - maiTrikake lie bhI pahalI bAra isIko pasaMda kiyA thaa| isa bAra 'prakAza aura uSNatA' (Light & Heat) ko liyA / yaha viSaya AsAna samajhA jAtA thA aura mujhe bhI AsAna hI mAlUma huA / phira parIkSA denekI taiyArIke sAtha hI rahana-sahana meM aura bhI sAdagI dAkhila karane kI koziza kii| mujhe lagA ki abhI mere jIvanameM itanI sAdagI nahIM A gaI hai, jo mere khAnadAnakI garIbIko zobhA de / bhAI sAhabakI taMgadastI aura udAratAkA khayAla Ate hI mujhe bar3A duHkha hotA / jo 15 pauMDa aura 8 pauMDa prati mAsa kharacate the unheM to chAtravRtti milatI thI / mujhase adhika sAdagI se rahanevAloMko bhI maiM dekhatA thA / aise garIba vidyArthI kAphI tAdAda meM mere saMparka meM Ate the / eka vidyArthI laMdana ke garIba muhalle meM prati saptAha do ziliMga dekara 57

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58 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 eka koTharImeM rahatA thA, aura lokArTakI sastI kokokI dukAnameM do penIkA koko aura roTI khAkara gujArA karatA thaa| usakI pratispardhA karanekI to merI himmata na huii| para itanA jarUra samajhA ki maiM dokI jagaha eka hI kamarese kAma calA sakatA hUM aura AdhI rasoI hAthase bhI pakA sakatA huuN| aisA karanepara 4 yA 5 pauMDa mAsikatA raha sakatA thaa| sAdI rahana-sahana saMbaMdhI pustakeM bhI par3hI thiiN| do kamare chor3akara 8 ziliMga prati saptAhakA eka kamarA kirAyepara liyaa| eka sTova kharIdA aura subaha hAtha se pakAne lgaa| 20 minaTase adhika pakAne meM nahIM lagatA thaa| proTa-mIlakI lapasI aura kokoke lie pAnI ubAlane meM kitanA samaya jA sakatA thA ? dopaharako bAhara kahIM khA liyA karatA aura zAbhako phira koko taiyAra karake roTIke sAtha khA liyA krnaa| isa taraha maiM roja ekase savA ziliMgame bhojana karane lgaa| merA yaha samaya adhika-se-adhika par3hAIkA thA / jIvana sAdA ho jAne se samaya jyAdA vacane lgaa| duvArA parIkSA dI aura uttIrNa huA / pAThaka yaha na samajheM ki sAdagIse jIvana nIrasa ho gayA ho| ulaTA ina parivartanoM ne merI prAMtarika aura bAhya sthitima ekatA paidA huii| kauTuMbina sthitike sAtha merI rahana-sahanakA mela milaa| jIvana adhika sAramaya banA / mere prAtmAnaMdakA pAra na rahA / bhojana ke prayoga jaise-jaise maiM jIvana ke viSayameM gaharA vicAra karatA mAmA-maine bAharI aura bhItarI AcArameM parivartana karane kI bhAvanA mAlUma hotI gii| jisa gatise rahana-sahanameM athavA kharca-varcama parivartana prAraMbha huA, unI ganime athavA usase bhI adhika vegase bhojanameM parivartana prAraMbha huaa| mAhAra viSayI aMgrejI pustakoMmeM maiMne dekhA ki lekhakoMne bar3I chAna-cInake nicAra kiyA hai / annAhArapara unhoMne dhArmika, vaijJAnika, vyAvatrArika aura vaizakakI dRSTise vicAra kiyA thaa| naitika dRSTi se unhoMne yaha dikhAyA ki manuSyako jo sattA pazu-pakSIpara prApta huI hai vaha unako mAra lAne ke lie nahIM, balki inakI rakSAke

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56 adhyAya 17 : bhojanake prayoga lie hai; athavA jisa prakAra manuSya eka-dUsarekA upayoga karatA hai paraMtu eka-dUsareko khAtA nahIM, usI prakAra paza-pakSI bhI aise upayogake lie haiM, khA DAlaneke lie nhiiN| phira unhoMne yaha bhI dikhAyA ki khAnA bhI bhogake lie nahIM, balki jIneke lie hI hai| isaparase kucha logoMne bhojanameM mAMsa hI nahIM, aMDe aura dUdhatakako niSiddha batAyA aura khuda bhI paraheja kiyaa| vijJAnakI tathA manuSyakI zarIraracanAkI dRSTise kucha logoMne yaha anumAna nikAlA ki manuSyako khAnA pakAnekI bilakula AvazyakatA nhiiN| usakI sRSTi to sirpha DAla-pake phaloMko hI khAneke lie huI hai / dUdha piye bhI to vaha sirpha mAtAkA hii| dAMta nikalaneke bAda use aisA hI khAnA khAnA cAhie, jo cabAyA jA sake / vaidyakI dRSTise unhoMne mirca-masAleko tyAjya ThaharAyA aura vyAvahArika tathA Arthika dRSTise batAyA ki saste-se-sastA bhojana anna hI hai / ina cAroM dRSTi-biMduoMkA asara mujhapara huA aura annAhAravAle bhojanAlayoMmeM cAroM dRSTi-biMdu rakhanevAle logoMse mela-mulAkAta bar3hAne lgaa| vilAyatameM aise vicAra rakhanevAloMkI eka saMsthA thii| usakI orase eka sAptAhika patra bhI nikalatA thaa| maiM usakA grAhaka banA aura saMsthAkA bhI sabhAsada huaa| thor3e hI samayameM maiM usakI kameTImeM le liyA gyaa| yahAM merA una logoMse paricaya huA, jo annAhAriyoMke staMbha mAne jAte haiN| aba maiM apane bhojana-saMbaMdhI prayogoMmeM nimagna hotA gyaa| gharase jo miThAI, masAle Adi maMgAye the unheM manA kara diyA aura aba mana dUsarI hI tarapha daur3ane lgaa| isase mirca-masAlekA zauka maMda par3atA gayA aura jo sAga ricamaMDameM masAle binA phIkA mAlUma hotA thA vaha aba kevala ubAlA huA honepara bhI svAdiSTa lagane lgaa| aise aneka anubhadoMse maiMne jAnA ki svAdakA saccA sthAna jIbha nahIM, balki mana hai / Arthika dRSTi to mere sAmane thI hii| usa samaya eka aisA dala bhI thA, jo cAya-kaoNphIko hAnikAraka mAnatA aura kokokA samarthana krtaa| kevala zarIra-vyApArake lie jo cIja jarUrI hai usIko khAnA cAhie yaha maiM samajha cukA thaa| isIlie cAya-kaoNphI mukhyataH chor3a dI aura kokoko unakA sthAna diyA / . bhojanAlayameM do vibhAga the| ekameM jitanI cIja khAte utane hI dAma

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Atma-kathA: bhAga 1 dene pdd'te| isameM eka bArameM eka-do ziliMga bhI kharca ho jaate| isameM acchI sthitike loga Ate / dUsare vibhAgameM cha: penImeM tIna cIjeM pIra Dabala roTIkA eka Tukar3A miltaa| jaba maiMne khUba kiphAyatazArI ikhtiyAra kI taba jyAdAtara maiM chaH penIvAle vibhAgameM bhojana krtaa| ina prayogoMmeM upa-prayoga to bahutere ho gye| kabhI sTArcavAlI cIjeM chor3a detaa| kabhI sirpha roTI aura phalapara hI rhtaa| kabhI panIra, dUdha aura aMDe hI letaa| yaha AkhirI prayoga likhane lAyaka hai| yaha paMdraha dina bhI na claa| jo binA sTArcakI cIjeM khAnekA samarthana karate the, unhoMne aMDoMkI tArIphake khUba pUla bAMdhe the aura yaha sAbita kiyA thA ki aMDe mAMsa nahIM haiN| hAM, itanI bAta to thI ki aMDe khAnese kisI jIvita prANIko kaSTa nahIM hotA thaa| so isa dalIlaka cakkarameM Akara apanI pratijJAke rahate hue bhI maiMne aMDe khaaye| para merI yaha mUrchA thor3I hI dera ThaharI / pratijJAkA nayA artha karanekA mujhe adhikAra na thaa| artha to vahI ThIka hai, jo pratijJA dilAnevAlA kre| maiM jAnatA thA ki jisa samaya mAMne mAMsa na khAnekI pratijJA dilAI thI, usa samaya use yaha khayAla nahIM ho sakatA thA ki aMDA mAMsase alaga samajhA jA skegaa| isalie jyoMhI pratijJAkA yaha rahasya mere dhyAnameM AyA maiMne aMDe chor3a diye aura yaha prayoga baMda kara diyaa| yaha rahasya sUkSma aura dhyAnameM rakhane yogya hai| vilAyatameM maiMne mAMsakI tIna byAkhyAyeM par3hI thiiN| ekameM mAMsakA artha thA pazu-pakSIkA mAMsa / isalie isa vyAkhyAke kAyala loga usako to na chUte, paraMtu machalI khAte aura aMDe to khAte hii| dUsarI vyAkhyAke anusAra jinheM Amataurapara prANI yA jIva kahate the unakA mAMsa varjita thaa| isake anusAra machalI tyAjya thI, paraMtu aMDe grAhya the| tIsarI vyAkhyAmeM Amataurapara prANImAtra aura unameMse banane vAlI cIjeM niSiddha mAnI gaI thiiN| isa vyAkhyAke anusAra aMDe aura dUdha bhI chor3a denA lAjimI thaa| isameM yadi pahalI vyAkhyAko maiM mAnatA to maiM machalI bhI khA sakatA thaa| paraMtu maiMne acchI taraha samajha liyA thA ki mere lie to mAtAjIkI vyAkhyA hI ThIka thii| isalie yadi mujhe unake gAmane kI gaI atijAkA pAlana karanA ho to maiM aMDe nahIM le sakatA thaa| isalie aMDe chor3a diye, para isase kaThinAImeM par3a gayA, kyoMki

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adhyAya 17 : bhojanake prayoga bArIkIse jaba maiMne khoja kI to patA lagA ki annAhAravAle bhojanAlayoMmeM bhI bahutasI cIjeM aisI banA karatI thIM, jinameM aMDe par3A karate the| phalataH yahAM bhI parosane. vAlese pUcha-tAcha karanA mere nasIbameM batA rahA, jabataka ki maiM khUba vAkipha na ho gayA thA; kyoMki bahutere puDiMga aura kekameM aMDe jarUra hI rahate haiN| isa kAraNa eka tarahaseto maiM jaMjAlase chUTa gayA; kyoMki phira to maiM bilakula sAdI aura mAmUlI cIjeM hI le sakatA thaa| hAM, dUsarI tarapha dilako kucha dhakkA alabattA lagA, kyoMki aisI kitanI hI vastueM chor3anI par3IM, jinakA svAda jIbhako laga gayA thaa| para yaha dhakkA kSaNika thaa| pratijJA-pAlanakA svaccha, sUkSma aura sthAyI svAda mujhe usa kSaNika svAdase adhika priya mAlUma huA / paraMtu saccI parIkSA to abhI Age AnevAlI thI, usakA saMbaMdha thA dUsare vratase / paraMtu-- 'jAko rAkhe sAiyAM mAra sake nA koya / ___isa prakaraNako pUrA karane ke pahale pratijJAke arthake saMbaMdhameM kucha kahanA jarUrI hai| merI pratijJA mAtAse kiyA huA eka ikarAra thaa| duniyAmeM bahutere jhagar3e ikarAroMke arthakI khIMcAtAnIse paidA hote haiN| Apa cAhe kitanI hI spaSTa bhASAmeM ikarAranAmA likhie, phira bhI bhASA-zAstrI use tor3a-maror3akara apane matalabakA artha nikAla hI leNge| isameM sabhyAsabhyakA bheda nahIM rhtaa| svArtha sabako aMdhA banA DAlatA hai| rAjAse lekara raMkataka ikarAroMke artha apane manake musAphika lagAkara duniyAko, apaneko aura Izvarako dhokhA dete haiM / isa prakAra jisa zabda athavA vAkyakA artha loga apane matalabakA lagAte haiM use nyAyAzAstra 'dviarthI madhyamapada' kahatA hai| aisI dazAmeM svarNa-nyAya to yaha hai ki pratipakSIne hamArI bAtakA jo artha samajhA ho vahI ThIka samajhanA cAhie, hamAre manameM jo artha rahA ho vaha jhUThA aura adhUrA samajhanA caahie| aura aisA dUsarA svarNanyAya yaha hai ki jahAM do artha nikalate hoM vahAM vaha artha ThIka mAnanA cAhie, jise kamajora pakSa ThIka samajhatA ho| ina do svarNa-mArgoMpara na calaneke kAraNa hI bahuta-kucha jhagar3e hote haiM aura adharma calA karatA hai| aura isa anyAyakI jar3a hai asatya / jo satyake hI rAste calanA cAhatA hai, use svarNa-mArga sahaja hI prApta ho jAtA hai| use zAstroMkI pothiyAM nahIM ulaTanI pdd'tiiN| mAtAjIne mAMsa

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62 Atma-kathA: bhAga 1 zabdakA jo artha mAnA thA aura jo maiM usa samaya samajhatA thA, vahI mere lie saccA artha thaa| aura jo artha maiMne apanI vidvattAke madameM kiyA athavA yaha mAna liyA ki adhika anubhavase sIkhA, vaha saccA na thaa| abataka mere prayoga Arthika aura ArogyakI dRSTi se hote the| vilAyatameM unheM dhArmika svarUpa prApta nahIM huA thaa| dhArmika dRSTise to kaThora prayoga dakSiNa aphrIkA meM hue, jinakA jikra Age aayegaa| para hAM, yaha jarUra kaha sakate haiM ki unakA bIjAropaNa vilAyatameM huA / ___ masala mazahUra hai ki 'nayA musalamAna jorase bAMga detA hai / ' annAhAra vilAyatameM eka nayA dharma hI thA, aura mere lie to vaha nayA thA hii| kyoMki baddhise mAMsAhArakA himAyatI bananeke bAda hI maiM vilAyata gayA thaa| samajhabujhakara annAhAra to maiMne vilAyatameM hI svIkAra kiyA thaa| isalie merI hAlata 'naye musalamAna kI-sI thii| navIna dharmako grahaNa karanevAlekA utsAha mujha meM yA gayA thA, ataeva jisa muhalle meM maiM rahatA thA vahAM annAhArI-maMDala sthApita karanekA prastAba maiMne kiyaa| muhallekA nAma thA 'bej'-vaattr'| usameM sara. pavina garnAlDa rahate the| unheM upAdhyakSa banAnakA yatna kiyA aura vaha ho bhI gye| DAkTara golDapI adhyakSa banAye gaye, aura maMtrI banA maiN| thor3e samaya to vaha saMsthA kucha calI; paraMtu kucha mahInoMke bAda usakA aMta pA gyaa| kyoMki apane dastarake matAbika usa muhalle ko kucha samayake bAda maiMne chor3a diyaa| paraMtu isa choTe aura thor3e samaya ke anubhavase mujhe saMsthAoMkI gnanaga aura saMcAlanakA kucha anubhava prApta huaa| apa--merI DhAla annAhArI-maMDala kI kArya-saminimeM maiM cunA to jarUra gayA, usameM hara samaya hAjira bhI jarUra hotA : paraMtu bolaneko muMha hI na khulatA thA / DAkTara golDaphIlDa kahate---"tuma mere sAtha to acchI taraha bAteM karate ho; paraMtu samitikI baiThakameM kabhI muMha nahIM kholte| tumheM 'nara-mAvI ' kyoM na kahanA cAhie ?" maiM isa vinodakA bhAva smjhaa| cimnayAM to niraMtara kAma karatI rahatI haiM;

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adhyAya 18: jheMpa-merI kAla 3 paraMtu nara-makkhI kucha kAma nahIM karatA-- hAM, khAtA-pItA alabattA rahatA hai / samitimeM aura loga to apane-apane mata pradarzita karate; para maiM muMha sIMkara cupacApa baiThA rahUM--- yaha bhaddA mAlUma hotA thaa| yaha bAta nahIM ki bolane ke lie merA dila na hotA, para samajha hI nahIM par3atA ki bolU kaise ? sabhI sadasya mujhe apanese adhika jAnakAra dikhAI dete| phira aisA bhI hotA ki koI viSaya mujhe bolane yogya mAlUma huA aura maiM bolanekI himmata karane lagatA ki itanemeM hI dUsarA viSaya cala nikalatA / bahuta dinoMtaka aisA calatA rhaa| eka bAra samitimeM eka gaMbhIra viSaya niklaa| usameM yoga na denA mujhe anucita yA anyAya jaisA lgaa| cupacApa mata dekara khAmoza ho rahanA dabbUpana mAlUma huaa| maMDalake adhyakSa 'Temsa Ayarna varksa' ke mAlika misTara hilsa the| vaha kaTTara nItivAdI the| prAyaH unhIM ke dravyapara maMDala cala rahA thaa| samitike bahutere loga unhIMkI chatrachAyAmeM nibha rahe the| isa samitimeM DAkTara elinsana bhI the| ina dinoM saMtati-nigrahake lie kRtrima upAya kAmameM lAnekI halacala cala rahI thii| DA0 elinsana kRtrima upAyoMke hAmI the aura majadUroMmeM unakA pracAra karate the| mi. hilsako ye upAya nIti-nAzaka mAlama hote the| unake najadIka annAhArI-maMDala kevala bhojana sudhArake hI lie nahIM thA, balki eka nIti-vardhaka maMDala bhI thA, aura isa kAraNa unakI yaha rAya thI ki DA0 elinsana jaise samAja-ghAtaka vicAra rakhanevAle loga isa maMDala meM na hone caahieN| isalie DA0 elinsanako samitise haTAnekA prastAva peza huaa| maiM isa carcAmeM dilacaspI letA thaa| DA0 elinsana ke kRtrima upAyoMvAle vicAra mujhe bhayaMkara mAlUma hue| unake mukAbale meM mi0 hilsake virodhako maiM zuddha nIti mAnatA thaa| mi0 hilsako maiM bahuta mAnatA thaa| unakI udAratAko maiM AdarakI dRSTi se dekhatA thaa| paraMtu eka annAhAra-vardhaka-maMDalameMse eka aise puruSa kA nikAlA jAnA jo ki zuddha nItikA kAyala na ho, mujhe bilakula anyAya dikhAI pdd'aa| merA mata huA ki strI-puruSa-saMbaMdha-viSayaka hilsa sAhabake vicAroMse annAhArI-maMDalake siddhAMtakA koI saMbaMdha na thA, ve unake apane vicAra the| maMDalakA uddezya to thA kevala annAhArakA pracAra karanA, kisI nIti-niyamakA pracAra nhiiN| isalie merA yaha mata thA ki dUsare kitane hI nIti-niyamoMkA

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64 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 anAdara karanevAle manuSya ke lie bhI maMDalameM sthAna ho sakatA hai / yadyapi samiti meM aura loga bhI mujha jaise vicAra rakhate the, paraMtu isa bAra mujhe apane vicAra pradarzita karane kI bhItara-hI-bhItara tIvra preraNA ho rahI thI / magara sabase bar3A prazna yaha thA ki yaha ho kaise ? bolanekI merI himmata nahIM thI / isalie maiMne apane vicAra likhakara adhyakSako de denekA nizcaya kiyaa| maiM apanA vaktavya likhakara le gyaa| jahAMtaka mujhe yAda hai, usa samaya lekhako par3ha sunAnekA bhI sAhasa mujhe na huA / adhyakSane dUsare sadasyase use par3havAyA / aMtako DA0 elinsanakA pakSa hArA / arthAt isa tarahake isa pahale yuddha meM maiM hAranevAloMkI tarapha thA / paraMtu mujhe isa bAtase apane dilameM pUrA saMtoSa thA ki unakA pakSa thA saccA | mujhe kucha aisA yAda par3atA hai ki usake bAda maiMne samitise istIphA de diyA thA / merI yaha jheMpa vilAyata meM aMtataka kAyama rahI / kisIse yadi milane jAtA aura vahAM pAMca-sAta AdamI ikaTThe ho jAte, to vahAM merI jabAna na khulatI / eka bAra maiM beMTanara gayA / majUmadAra bhI sAtha the| vahAM eka annAhArI ghara thA, usameM hama donoM rahate / 'ethiksa prAva DAyaTa' ke lekhaka isI baMdara meM rahate the / hama unase mile| yahAM annAhArako uttejana deneke lie eka sabhA huI / usameM hama donoMko bolaneke lie kahA gyaa| donoMne 'hAM' kara liyA / maiMne yaha jAna liyA thA ki likhA huA bhASaNa par3hane meM vahAM koI grApatti na thI / maiM dekhatA thA ki apane vicAroMko silasilevAra aura thor3emeM prakaTa karaneke lie kitane hI loga likhita bhASaNa par3hate the| maiMne apanA vyAkhyAna likha liyA / bolakI himmata nahIM thI, para jaba par3hane khar3A huA to bilakula na par3ha sakA / AMkhoM ke sAmane aMdherA chA gayA aura hAtha-paira kAMpane lage / bhASaNa muzkilase phulaskepakA eka pannA rahA hogA / use majUmadArane par3ha sunAyA / majUmadArakA bhASaNa to bar3hiyA huA, zrotAgaNa karatala dhvanise unake vacanoMkA svAgata karate jAte the / isase mujhe bar3I zarma mAlUma huI aura apane bolanekI akSamatApara bar3A duHkha huA / vilAyata meM sArvajanika rUpameM bolanekA aMtima prayatna mujhe taba karanA par3A, jabaki bilAta chor3ane kA avasara AyA, paraMtu unameM merI burI taraha phajIhata

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adhyAya 18 : jhapa --merI DhAla huI / vilAyatase vidA honeke pahale anAhArI mitroMko haoNbarna bhojanAlaya meM maiMne bhojanake lie nimaMtrita kiyA thA / maiMne vicAra kiyA ki annAhArI bhojanAlayoM meM to annAhAra diyA hI jAtA hai; paraMtu mAMsAhAravAle bhojanAlayoM meM zAhArakA praveza ho to acchA / yaha socakara maiMne isa bhojanAlaya ke vyavasthApakase khAsa taurapara prabaMdha karake annAhArakI tajavIja kI / yaha nayA prayoga annAhAriyoMko bar3A acchA mAlUma huA / yoM to sabhI bhoja bhogake hI lie hote haiM; paraMtu pazcimameM use eka kalAkA rUpa prApta ho gayA hai / bhojanake samaya khAsa sajAvaTa aura dhUma-dhAma hotI hai / bAje bajate haiM aura bhASaNa hote haiM so alg| isa choTe-se bhoja meM bhI yaha sArA ADaMbara huA / aba mere bhASaNakA samaya AyA / maiM khUba soca-socakara bolane kI taiyArI karake gayA thaa| thor3e hI vAkya taiyAra kiye the, paraMtu pahale hI vAkyase Age na bar3ha sakA / eDisanavAlI gata huI / unake jheMpUpanakA hAla maiM pahale kahIM par3ha cukA thA / hAusa nAva kAmaMsameM vaha vyAkhyAna dene khar3A huA / 'merI dhAraNA hai', 'merI dhAraNA hai', 'merI dhAraNA hai ' -- yaha tIna bAra kahA; paraMtu usake Age na bar3ha skaa| aMgrejI zabda jisakA artha dhAraNa karanA hai, 'garbhadhAraNa ke artha meM bhI prayukta hotA hai / isalie jaba eDisana Age na bola sakA taba eka masakharA sabhya bola uThA --' ina sAhabane tIna bAra garbha dhAraNa kiyA, para paidA kucha na huA ? ' isa ghaTanAko maiMne dhyAnameM rakha chor3A thA, aura eka choTI-sI vinodayukta vaktRtA denekA vicAra kiyA thA / maiMne apane bhASaNakA zrIgaNeza isI kahAnIse kiyA, para vahIM aTaka gyaa| jI socA thA saba bhUla gayA / aura vinoda tathA hAsya-yukta bhASaNa karane jAte hue khuda hI vinodakA pAtra bana gayA / 'sajjano, Apane jo merA nimaMtraNa svIkAra kiyA isake lie maiM ApakA upakAra mAnatA hUM / ' kahakara mujhe baiTha jAnA par3A / yaha jheMpUna jAkara TheTha dakSiNa aphrIkA meM ttuuttaa| bilakula TUTa gayA ho so to aba bhI nahIM kaha skte| aba bhI bolate hue vicAranA to par3atA hI hai / naye samAjameM bolate hue sakucAtA huuN| bolanese pIchA chUTa sake to jarUra chur3A lUM / aura yaha hAlata to Aja bhI nahIM hai ki yadi kisI saMsthA yA samAjameM baiThA hoUM to khAsa bAta kara hI sakUM yA bAta karanekI icchA hI ho / paraMtu isa jheMpU svabhAvake kAraNa merI phajIhata honeke alAvA aura kucha

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 nukasAna na huA--kucha phAyadA hI huA hai| bolane ke saMkocase pahale to mujhe duHkha hotA thA; paraMtu ava sukha hotA hai| bar3A lAbha to yaha huA ki maiMne zabdoMkI kiphAyata-zArI siikhii| apane vicAroMko kAbUmeM rakhanekI Adata sahaja hI ho gii| apaneko maiM yaha pramANa-patra AsAnIse de sakatA hUM ki merI jabAna athavA kalamase vinA vicAre athavA vinA taule zAyada hI koI zabda nikalatA ho| mujhe yAda nahIM par3atA ki apane bhASaNa yA lekhake kilI aMzake lie zaramiMdA hone yA pachatAnekI AvazyakatA mujhe kabhI huI ho| isake badaulata aneka khataroMse meM baca gayA aura bahuterA samaya bhI baca gayA, yaha lAbha alaga hai| __ anubhavane yaha bhI batAyA hai ki satyake pujArIko maunakA avalaMbana karanA ucita hai| jAna-anajAnameM manuSya bahuta-bAra atyukti karatA hai, athavA kahane yogya vAtako chipAtA hai, yA dUsarI tarahase kahatA hai| aise saMkaToM se bacane lie bhI alpabhASI honA Avazyaka hai / thor3A bolanevAlA binA vicAre nahIM bolatA; vaha apane hareka zabdako taulegaa| bahuta bAra manuSya bolaneke lie adhIra ho jAtA hai / 'maiM bhI bolanA cAhatA hUM' aisI ciTa kisa sabhApatiko na milI hogI? phira diyA huA samaya bhI unheM kAphI nahIM hotA, aura bolanekI ijAjata cAhate haiM, evaM phira bhI binA ijAjatake bolate rahate haiN| ina sabake itane bolanese saMsArako lAbha hotA huA to zAyada hI dikhAI detA hai| hAM, yaha alabattA hama spaSTa dekha sakate haiM ki itanA samaya vyartha jA rahA hai| isIlie yadyapi prAraMbha meM merA jheMpUpana mujhe akharatA thA; para Aja usakA smaraNa mujhe AnaMda detA hai yaha jheMpUpana merI DhAla thaa| usase mere vicAroMko paripakva hone kA avasara milaa| satyakI pArAdhanAmeM usase mujhe sahAyatA milii| 16 asatya-rUpI jahara cAlIsa sAla pahale vilAyata jAnevAloMkI saMkhyA sabase kama thii| unameM aisA rivAja par3a gayA thA ki khuda vivAhita hote hue bhI apaneko avivAhita batAte / vahAM hAIskUla athavA kAlejameM par3hane vAle gaba avivAhita hote haiN|

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adhyAya 16 : asatya-rUpI jahara vahAM vivAhitake lie vidyArthI-jIvana nahIM hotaa| hamAre yahAM to prAcIna samayameM vidyArthIkA nAma hI brahmacArI thA / bAla-vivAhakI cAla to isI jamAne meM par3I hai| bAla-vivAhakA nAmanizAna vilAyatameM nhiiN| isa kAraNa vahAMke bhAratIya navayuvakako batAte yaha zarama mAlUma hotI hai ki hamArA vivAha ho gayA hai / vivAhakI bAta chipAnekA dUsarA matalaba yaha hai ki yadi yaha bAta mAlUma ho jAya to jina kuTuMboMmeM ve rahate haiM unakI yuvatI lar3akiyoMke sAtha ghUmane-phirane aura Amoda-pramoda karanekI svataMtratA na mila paavegii| yaha Amoda-pramoda bahutAMzameM nirdoSa hotA hai aura khuda mAM-bApa aise melajolako pasaMda karate haiN| yuvaka aura yuvatiyoMmeM aise sahavAsakI AvazyakatA bhI samajhI jAtI hai| kyoMki vahAM to hareka navayuvakako apanI saha-dharmacAriNI khoja lenI par3atI hai / isa kAraNa jo saMbaMdha vilAyatameM svAbhAvika samajhA jA sakatA hai vahI yadi hiMdustAnake navayuvaka vahAM jAkara bAMdhane lageM to pariNAma bhayaMkara hue binA nahIM raha sktaa| aise kitane hI bhISaNa pariNAma sune bhI gaye haiN| phira bhI isa mohinI-mAyA, hamAre navayuvaka phaMse hue the| jo saMbaMdha aMgrejoMke lie cAhe kitanA nirdoSa ho, para jo hamAre najadIka sarvathA tyAjya hai, unake lie ve asatyAcaraNa pasaMda karate the / maiM bhI isa jAlameM phaMsa gyaa| pAMca-cha: varSase vivAhita hote hue aura eka lar3akekA bApa hote hue bhI maiM apaneko avivAhita kahate na hicakA! para isa ' kuMvArepana' kA svAda meM bahuta na cakha paayaa| mere jheMpUpanane aura maunane mujhe bahuta bacAyA / bhalA jaba maiM bAta hI nahIM kara sakatA thA, to kauna lar3akI aisI phAjila hotI, jo mujhase bAtacIta karane AtI? zAyada hI koI lar3akI mere sAtha ghUmane nikltii|| meM jaisA jheMpU thA, vaise hI Darapoka bhI thaa| veMTanarameM jaise gharameM rahatA thA vahAM yaha rivAja thA ki gharakI lar3akI mujha jaise atithiko sAtha ghUmane le jAya / tadanusAra mujhe makAna-mAlakinakI lar3akI veMTanarake AsapAsa kI suMdara pahAr3iyoMpara ghUmane le gii| merI cAla yoM dhImI na thI, paraMtu usakI cAla mujhase bhI teja thii| maiM to eka taraha usake pIche khiMcatA-ghasiTatA jAtA thaa| vaha to rAstemeM bAtoMke phavvAre ur3AtI calatI aura mere muMhase sirpha kabhI 'hAM' aura kabhI 'nA' kI dhvani nikala pdd'tii| maiM bahuta-se-bahuta bolatA to itanA hI ki-- 'vAha kaisA

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 suMdara ! ' vaha to havAkI taraha ur3atI calI jAtI aura maiM yaha socatA ki kaba ghara phuNceNge| phira bhI yaha kahanekI himmata na par3atI ki calo vApasa lauTa cleN| itanemeM hI hama eka pahAr3IkI coTIpara A khar3e hue| aba utareM kaise ? magara UMcI eDIke bUTa hote hue bhI yaha 20-25 varSakI ramaNI bijalIkI taraha nIce utara gaI aura maiM zarmindA hokara yaha soca hI rahA hUM ki kaine utreN| vaha nIce utarakara kahakahA lagAtI hai aura mujhe himmata dilAtI hai / kahatI hai--' Upara Akara hAtha pakar3akara nIce khIMca le calU ? ' maiM apaneko aisA vodA kaise sAbita karatA ? aMtako samhala-samhalakara paira rakhatA aura kahIM-kahIM baiThatA huA nIce utarA / idhara vaha majAkameM 'zA . . .bAza' kahakara mujha zaramAye hueko aura bhI zarmindA karane lgii| maiM mAnatA hUM ki isa taraha majAkameM zarmindA karanekA use haka thA / paraMtu hara jagaha meM isa taraha kaise baca sakatA thA ? Izvarako maMjUra thA ki asatyakA jahara mere aMdarase nikala jAya / veTanarakI taraha brAyaTana bhI samudrataTapara havAkhorIkA mukAma hai| vahAM maiM eka bAra gyaa| jisa hoTalameM ThaharA thA, vahAM eka mAmUlI darajekI acchI haisiyatavAlI vidhavA bur3hiyA ghUmane AI thii| yaha mere pahale sAlakI bAta hai--- veTanarake pahalekI ghaTanA hai / yahAM bhojya padArthoke nAma phreMca bhASAmeM likhe hue the| maiM unheM nahIM samajha pAyA bur3hiyA aura meM eka hI mejapara baiThe hue the| bur3hiyAne dekhA ki maiM ajanabI hUM aura kucha duvidhAmeM huuN| usane bAta cher3I, tuma ajanabI mAlUma hote ho ? kisa phikrameM par3e ho? tumane khAneke lie abataka kucha nahIM maMgAyA ? maiM khAneke padArthokI nAmAvalI par3ha rahA thA aura parosanevAloMse pUchanekA vicAra hI kara rahA thaa| maiMne isa bhalI devIko dhanyavAda diyA aura kahA- "ye nAma merI samajhameM nahIM aate| maiM annAhArI hUM aura maiM jAnanA cAhatA hUM ki inameM kauna-sI cIjeM mere kAmakI haiM ?" yaha devI bolI--" to lo, maiM tumhArI madada karatI hUM aura tumheM batAye detI hUM ki inameMse kauna-kauna sI cIjeM le sakate ho / ' maiMne usakI sahAyatA sadhanyavAda svIkAra kii| yahAMse jo paricaya usake sAtha huA, so mere bilAyana chor3ane ke bAda bhI barasoM kAyama rhaa| usane

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adhyAya 16 : asatya-rUpI jahara 66 nakA apanA patA mujhe diyA aura hara ravivArako apane yahAM bhojanake lie nimaMtrita kiyA thA / isake sivA bhI jaba-jaba avasara AtA mujhe bulAtI / cAhakara merI zarama tudd'vaatii| yuvatI striyoMse pahacAna karavAtI aura unake sAtha bAteM karaneke lie lalacAtI / eka bAI usIke yahAM rahatI thI / usake sAtha bahuta bAteM krvaatii| kabhI-kabhI hameM akele bhI chor3a detI / pahale-pahala to mujhe yaha bahuta aTapaTA mAlUma huA / sUjha hI na par3atA ki bAteM kyA karU ! haMsI - dillagI bhI bhalA kyA karatA, para vaha bAI merA hausalA baMr3hAtI / maiM isameM Dhalane lgaa| hara ravivArakI rAha dekhatA / aba to usakI bAtoM meM bhI mana ramane lagA / idhara bur3hiyA bhI mujhe lubhAye jAtI / vaha hamAre isa mela-jolako bar3I dilacaspI se dekhatI / maiM samajhatA hUM usane to hama donoMkA bhalA hI socA hogA / aba kyA karUM ? acchA hotA yadi pahalese hI isa bAIse apane vivAha kI bAta kaha dI hotI / kyoMki phira bhalA vaha kyoM mujha jaiseke sAtha vivAha karanA cAhatI ? aba bhI kucha bigar3A nahIM / samaya hai, saca kaha dene se adhika saMkaTa meM na paDUMgA / ' yaha socakara maiMne use ciTThI likhii| apanI smRtike anusAra usakA sAra nIce detA hUM- "jabase brAyaTanameM Apase bheMTa huI, tabase Apa mujhe snehakI dRSTi se dekhatI A rahI haiN| mAM jisa prakAra apane beTekI samhAla rakhatI hai usI prakAra Apa merI samhAla rakhatI haiM / zrApakA khayAla hai ki mujhe vivAha kara lenA cAhie aura isalie Apa yuvatiyoMke sAtha merA paricaya karAtI haiM / isake pahale ki aise saMbaMdhakI sImA aura Age bar3he, mujhe prApako yaha kaha denA cAhie ki maiM Apake premake yogya nahIM / maiM vivAhita hUM aura yaha bAta mujhe usI dina kaha denA cAhie thI, jisa dinase maiM Apake ghara Ane-jAne lagA | hiMdustAnake vivAhita vidyArthI yahAM apane vivAhakI bAta jAhira nahIM karate, aura isIlie maiM bhI usI Dharrepara cala par3A; para aba maiM mahasUsa karatA hUM ki mujhe apane vivAhakI bAta bilakula hI na chipAnI cAhie thii| mujhe to Age bar3hakara yaha bhI kaha denA cAhie ki merI zAdI bacapana meM hI ho gaI thI aura mere eka lar3akA bhI hai / yaha bAta to maiMne Apase abataka chipA rakkhI thI, isapara mujhe bar3A pazcAttApa ho rahA hai / paraMtu aba bhI Izvarane mujhe

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 satya kaha dene kI himmata de dI, isake lie sAtha hI mujhe grAnaMda bhI ho rahA hai / Apa mujhe mApha to kara deMgI na ? jisa bahanase Apane merA paricaya karAyA hai, unake sAtha maiMne koI anucita vyavahAra nahIM kiyA hai, isakA maiM Apako vizvAsa dilAtA huuN| maiM apanI sthitiko acchI taraha jAnatA thA, prataeva meM to koI anucita bAta kara hI nahIM sakatA thA; para Apa cUMki usase nAvAkipha thIM isalie ApakI yaha icchA honA svAbhAvika hI hai ki merA vivAha saMbaMdha kisIke sAtha ho jAya / ataH Apake mana meM yaha vicAra aura Age na bar3he, isalie bhI mujhe saca bAta Apapara avazya prakaTa kara denI cAhie / 70 "yaha patra milane ke bAda yadi Apa apane yahAM Aneke yogya mujhe na samajheM to mujhe bilakula burA na mAlUma hogA / grApakI isa mamatA ke lie to meM sadAke lie ApakA RNI ho cukA huuN| itanA honepara bhI yadi grAma mujhe apane se dUra na haTAveM, to bar3I prasannatA hogii| yadi aba bhI grApa mujhe apane yahAM Ane yogya samajheMgI, to ise maiM Apake premakA eka nayA cihna samajuMgA aura usake yogya arth lie prayatna karatA rahUMgA / 11 yaha patra maiMne caTa-paTa nahIM likha DAlA / na jAne kitane masavide banAyeM hoNge| para hAM, yaha bAta jarUra hai ki yaha patra bheja denepara mere dilase bar3A bojha utara gayA / lagabhaga lauTatI DAkase usa vivAmitrakA javAba AyA / usameM likhA thA- "tumane dila kholakara jo patra likhA, vaha mila gyaa| hama donoM par3hakara khuza hue aura khilakhilAkara hNse| aisA asatyAcaraNa to navya hI ho sakatA hai / hAM, yaha acchA kiyA jo tumane apanI saccI kathA likha dI / mere nimaMtraNako jyoM-kA-tyoM kAyama samajhanA / isa ravivArako hama donoM tumhArI rAha gravazya dekhI / tumhAre bAna-vivAhakI bAteM suneMgI aura tumase haMsI-dillagI karanekA AnaMda prApta kareMgI / farare raat, apanI mitratAma pharka na Ana pAvegA / " isa taraha apane aMdara chipA yaha asatyakA jahara mene nikAlA aura phira to kahIM bhI apane vivAha ityAdikI bAteM karate hue mujhe pazopeza na hotA /

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adhyAya 20 : dhArmika paricaya dhArmika paricaya vilAyatameM rahate hue koI eka sAla huA hogA, isa bIca do thiyosaoNphisTa mitroMse mulAkAta huii| donoM sage bhAI the aura avivAhita the| unhoMne mujhase gItAkI bAta nikaalii| una dinoM ye eDvina enAlDakRta gItAke aMgrejI anuvAdako par3ha rahe the, para mujhe unhoMne apane sAtha saMskRtameM gItA par3ane ke lie khaa| maiM lajjita huA; kyoMki maiMne to gItA na saMskRtameM na prAkRtameM hI par3hI thii| yaha bAta jheMpate hue mujhe unase kahanI pdd'ii| para sAtha hI yaha bhI kahA ki 'maiM Apake sAtha par3hane ke lie taiyAra huuN| yoM to merA saMskRta jJAna nahIM ke barAbara hai, phira bhI maiM itanA samajha sakU~gA ki anuvAda kahIM gar3abar3a hogA to vaha batA skuu|' isa taraha ina bhAiyoMke sAtha merA gItA-vAcana prAraMbha huaa| dUsare adhyAyake aMtima zlokoMmeM, dhyAyato viSayAnpuMsaH saMgasteSUpajAyate / saMgAtsaMjAyate kAmaH kAmAkrodhobhijAyate // krodhAdbhavati saMmohaH saMmohAtsmRtivibhramaH / smRtibhraMzAt buddhinAzo buddhinAzAtpraNazyati // ina zlokoMkA mere dilapara gaharA asara hunaa| basa, kAnoMmeM unakI dhvani dinarAta gUjA krtii| taba mujhe pratIta huA ki bhagavadgItA to amUlya graMtha hai| yaha dhAraNA dina-dina adhika dRr3ha hotI gaI--aura, aba to tatvajJAnake lie maiM use sarvottama graMtha mAnatA huuN| nirAzAke samayameM isa graMthane merI amUlya sahAyatA kI hai| yoM isake lagabhaga tamAma aMgrejI anuvAda maiM par3ha gayA huuN| paraMtu eDavina 'viSayakA citana karanese, pahale to usake sAtha saMga paidA hotA hai aura saMgase kAmakI utpatti hotI hai| kAmanAke pIche-pIche krodha AtA hai| phira krodhase saMmoha, saMmohase smRtibhrama, aura smRtibhramase buddhikA nAza hotA hai aura aMtameM puruSa khuda hI naSTa ho jAtA hai|

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 enAlDakA anuvAda sabameM zreSTha mAlUma hotA hai| unhoMne mUla graMthake bhAvoMkI acchI rakSA kI hai aura tisa para bhI vaha anuvAda-jaisA nahIM mAlUma hotaa| phira bhI yaha nahIM kaha sakate ki isa samaya maiMne bhagavadgItAkA acchA adhyayana kara liyA ho| usakA roja-marrA pATha to varSoM bAda zurU huaa| inhIM bhAiyoMne mujhe ernAlDa likhita buddha-carita par3hanekI siphAriza kii| abataka meM to sirpha yahI jAnatA thA ki sirpha gItAkA hI anuvAda enAlDane kiyA hai, paraMtu buddha-caritako maiMne bhagavadgItAse bhI adhika cAvake sAtha pddh'aa| pustaka jo eka bAra hAthameM lI so khatama karake hI chor3a skaa| ye bhAI mujhe eka bAra leveTskI -laoNjanaM bhI le gye| vahAM maiDama bleveTskI tathA miseja beseMTake darzana mujhe karAye / miseja beseMTa unhIM dinoM thiyosophikala sosAyaTImeM AI thIM; aura isa viSayakI carcA akhabAroMmeM cala rahI thii| maiM use cAvase par3hatA thaa| ina bhAiyoMne mujhe thiyosophikala sosAyaTImeM Ane ke lie khaa| maiMne vinayapUrvaka 'nA' karake kahA---- 'mujhe abhI kisI dharmakA kucha bhI jJAna nahIM, isalie merA dila nahIM hotA ki abhI kisI bhI saMpradAyameM mila jaauuN|' mujhe kucha aisA khayAla par3atA hai ki inhIM bhAiyoMke kahanese meDama bleveTskI racita 'kI Tu thiyosophI' pustaka bhI maiMne pddh'ii| usase hiMdU-dharma-saMbaMdhI pustakoMke par3hanekI icchA huii| pAdarI logoMke muMhase jo yaha sunA karatA thA ki hiMdU-dharma to aMdha vizvAsoMse bharA huA hai, yaha khayAla dilase nikala gayA / / . isI arasemeM eka annAhArI chAtrAlayameM maicesTarake eka bhale IsAIse mulAkAta huii| unhoMne IsAI-dharmakI bAta mujhase chedd'ii| maiMne apanA rAjakoTakA anubhava unheM sunaayaa| unheM bahuta duHkha huaa| kahA--' meM khuda annAhArI huuN| zarAbataka nahIM pItA / bahutere IsAI mAMsa khAte haiM, zarAba pIte haiM, yaha saca hai| para IsAI-dharma meM donoMmeMse eka cIja bhI lAjimI nhiiN| Apa bAibila par3heM to mAlUma hogaa|' maiMne unakI salAha maanii| unhoMne eka bAibila bhI kharIdakara lA dii| mujhe kucha-kucha aisA yAda par3atA hai ki vaha sajjana khuda hI bAibila becate the| unhoMne jo bAibila mujhe dI usameM kaI nakze aura anukramaNikA ityAdi thii| par3hanA zurU to kiyA; paraMtu 'olDa TesTAmeMTa' to par3ha hI na sakA / jenisa--- 'suTi-upAsti'-~vAle prakaraNake bAda to gar3hane-par3hane nIMda Ane lagatI / kevala

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adhyAya 20 : dhArmika paricaya isI khayAlase ki yaha kaha sakU ki 'hAM bAibila par3ha lI ' maiMne be-mana aura be-samajhe prAgeke prakaraNoMko bar3e kaSTase pddh'aa| 'naMbarsa' nAmaka prakaraNa par3hakara to ulaTI aruci ho gii| para jaba 'nyU TesTAmeMTa'taka pahuMcA taba to kucha aura hI asara huaa| hajarata IsAke giri-pravacanakA asara bahuta hI acchA huaa| vaha to sIdhA hI hRdayameM paiTha gayA / buddhine gItAjIke sAtha usakI tulanA kii| 'jo terA kuratA mAMge use tU aMgarakhA de DAla / jo tere dAhine gAlapara thappar3a mAre usake prAga bAyA~ gAla karade / yaha par3hakara mujhe apAra AnaMda huaa| zyAmala bhaTTakA vaha chappaya yAda aayaa| mere yuvaka manane gItA, ernAlDa-kRta buddha-caritra aura IsAke vacanoMkA ekIkaraNa kiyA / tyAgameM dharma hai| yaha bAta dilako jaMca gii| ___ ina pustakoMke paThanase dUsare dharmAcAryoMke jIvana-caritra par3hanekI icchA huii| kisI mitrane sujhAyA--kArlAIlakI 'vibhUtiyAM aura vibhUti-pUjA' pddh'o| usameM maiMne hajarata muhammada-viSayaka aMza par3hA aura mujhe unakI mahattA, vIratA aura unakI tapazcaryAkA paricaya milaa| basa, itane dhArmika paricayase Age maiM na bar3ha sakA ; kyoMki parIkSA saMbaMdhI pustakoMke alAvA dUsarI pustakeM par3hanekI phurasata na nikAla skaa| magara mere dila meM yaha bhAva jama gayA ki mujhe bhI dharma-pustakeM avazya par3hanI cAhie aura samasta mukhya-mukhya dharmoMkA Avazyaka paricaya prApta kara lenA cAhie / bhalA yaha kaise saMbhava thA ki vilAyatameM rahakara nAstikatA ke saMbaMdhameM kucha na jAnatA ? una dinoM breDalAkA nAma samasta bhAratavAsI jAnata the| breDalA nAstika mAne jAte the| isa kAraNa nAstikavAdake viSaya meM bhI.eka pustaka pdd'ii| nAma isa samaya yAda nahIM pdd'taa| mere manapara usakI kucha chApa na pdd'ii| kyoMki nAstikatArUpI sahArAkA registAna aba maiM pAra kara cukA thaa| miseja veseMTakI kItti to usa samaya bhI bahuta phailI huI thii| vaha nAstikase Astika banI thIM, isa bAtane bhI mujhe nAstikatAkI orase udAsIna bnaayaa| beseMTakI 'maiM thiyosophisTa kaise huI ? ' pustikA meM par3ha cukA thaa| inhIM dinoM veDalAkA dehAMta huaa| unakI aMtyeSTikriyA vokiMgameM huI thii| maiM bhI vahAM gayA thaa| merA khayAla hai ki zAyada hI koI aisA bhAratavAsI hogA, jo vahAM na gayA ho /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 kitane hI pAdarI bhI unake sammAnameM upasthita hue the| lauTate samaya hama saba eka jagaha TrenakI rAha dekha rahe the| vahAM bhIr3a meMse eka pahalavAna nAstikatAvAdIne eka pAdarIse jiraha karanA zurU kI-- " kyoM jI, Apa kahate haiM na, ki Izvara hai ? " usa bhale pAdarIne dhImI AvAjameM javAba diyA--"hAM bhAI, kahatA to huuN|" pahalavAna haMsA, aura isa bhAvase ki mAno pAdarIko parAjita kara diyA ho, bolA--" acchA, Apa yaha to mAnate haiM na, ki pRthvIkI paridhi 28000 mIla hai ?" "hAM, avazya / " " taba batAyo to dekheM, IzvarakA kada kitanA bar3A hai aura vaha kahAM rahatA hogA ?" "yadi hama samajheM to vaha hama donoMke hRdayameM vAsa karatA hai / " cAroM ora khar3e hue hama logoMkI aura yaha kahakara usane vijayIkI taraha dekhakara kahA--" kisI bacceko phusalAie kisI bcceko|" pAdarI ne namratA ke sAtha mauna dhAraNa kara liyaa| isa saMbAdane nAstika bAdakI porase merA mana aura bhI haTA diyA / 'nirbalake bala rAma' isa taraha mujhe dharma-gAndhokA tathA duniyAke dharmokA kucha paricaya to milA, lekina itanA jJAna manuSyako bacAne ke lie kAphI nahIM hotaa| Apattike samaya jo vastu manuSyako bacAtI hai, usakA use usa samaya na to bhAna hI rahatA hai, na jJAna hI / nAstika jaba baca jAtA hai, jo kahane lagatA hai ki maiM to acAnaka baca gyaa| Astika aise samaya kahegA ki mujhe Izvarane bcaayaa| pariNAmake bAda vaha emA anumAna kara letA hai ki dharmoke adhyayanameM, Izvara hRdaya meM prakaTa hotA hai| isa prakArakA anumAna karanekA use adhikAra hai| lekina bacate samaya vaha

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adhyAya 21 : 'nirbalake bala rAma' nahIM jAnatA ki use usakA saMyama bacAtA hai yA aura koii| jo apane saMyamabalakA garva karatA hai, usakA saMyama bhraSTa nahIM huA, aisA kisane anubhava nahIM kiyA ? aise samaya zAstra-jJAna to vyartha-sA mAlUma hotA hai| isa bauddhika dharma-jJAnake mithyAtvakA anubhava mujhe vilAyatameM huaa| pahale jo isa prakArake bhayoMse meM bacA, usakA vizleSaNa karanA asaMbhava hai| usa samaya merI umra bahuta kama thii| lekina aba to maiM bIsa varSakA ho gayA thaa| gRhasthAzramakA anubhava khUba prApta kara cukA thA / bahuta karake vilAyatameM mere AkhirI varSama, arthAt 1890 meM, porTasmathama annAhAriyoMkA eka sammelana huaa| usameM mujhe tathA eka aura bhAratIya mitrako nimaMtraNa milA thaa| hama donoM vahAM gaye / hama donoM eka bAIke yahAM ThaharAye gye| porTasmatha mallAhoM kA baMdara kahA jAtA hai| vahAM durAcAriNI striyoMke bahuta-se ghara hai| ve striyAM vezyA to nahIM kahI jA sakatIM, lekina sAthahI unheM nirdoSa bhI nahIM kaha sakate / aise hI eka gharameM hama ThaharAye gaye the| kahanekA prAzaya yaha nahIM hai ki svAgata-samitine jAna-bUjhakara aise ghara cune the| lekina porTasmatha-jaise baMdarameM jaba musAphiroMke Thaharaneke lie ghara khojanekI jarUrata par3atI hai, taba yaha kahanA kaThina ho jAtA hai ki kauna ghara acchA aura kauna burA / rAta huI / sabhAse hama ghara lautte| bhojanake bAda hama tAza khelane baiThe / vilAyatameM acche gharoMmeM bhI gRhiNI mehamAnoMke sAtha isa prakAra tAza khelA karatI hai| tAza khelate samaya saba loga nirdoSa majAka karate haiN| paraMtu yahAM gaMdA vinoda zurU huA / ___maiM nahIM jAnatA thA ki mere sAthI isameM nipuNa haiN| mujhe isa vidodameM dilacaspI hone lgii| maiM bhI sammilita huaaa| vinodake vANIse ceSTAmeM pariNata honekI nauvata A gii| tAza eka ora rakhanekA avasara A gayA; para mere usa bhale sAthIke hRdayameM bhagavAn jge| vaha bole, "tuma aura yaha kaliyuga--yaha pApa ? yaha tumhArA kAma nahIM ! bhago yahAMse / " / maiM zaramiMdA huaa| cetA / hRdaya meM isa mitrakA upakAra mAnA / mAtAse kI huI pratijJA yAda aaii| maiM bhgaa| kAMpatA huA apane kamaremeM phuNcaa| kalejA dhar3akatA thaa| merI aisI sthiti ho gaI mAno kAtilake hAthase chUTA zikAra /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 parastrIko dekhakara vikArAdhIna hone kA aura usake sAtha khelanekI icchA honekA yaha pahalA prasaMga mere jIvana meM thaa| rAta-bhara mujhe nIMda na AI / aneka tarahase vicAroMne mujhe A gheraa| 'kyA karUM ? ghara chor3a dU ? yahAMse bhAga nikalU? meM kahA hUM? yadi meM sAvadhAna na rahUM to mere kyA hAla hoMge ?' maiMne khUba saceta rahakara jIvana bitAnekA nizcaya kiyaa| socA ki ghara to abhI na choDUM; para porTasmatha turaMta chor3a denA cAhie / sammelana do hI dinataka honevAlA thaa| isalie jahAMtaka mujhe yAda hai, dUsare hI dina maiMne porTasmatha chor3a diyA mere sAthI vahAM kucha dina rahe / usa samaya maiM 'dharma kyA hai, Izvara kyA cIja hai, vaha hamAre aMdara kisa taraha kAma karatA hai ye bAteM nahIM jAnatA thA / laukika arthameM maiM samajhA ki Izvarane mujhe bacAyA ! paraMtu jIvana ke vividha kSetroMmeM bhI mujhe aise hI anubhava hue haiN| 'Izvarane bacAyA ' isa vAkyakA artha meM Aja bahuta acchI taraha samajhatA huuN| para yaha bhI jAnatA hUM ki abhI isakI kImata meM ThIka-ThIka nahIM prAMka sakA huuN| yaha to anubhavase hI kI jA sakatI hai| para hAM, kitane hI AdhyAtmika avasaroMpara, vakAlatake silasile, masyAoM kA saMcAlana karate hue, rAjanaitika mAmaloMmeM, maiM kaha sakatA hUM ki Izvarane mujhe bacAyA hai| maiMne anubhava kiyA hai ki jaba cAroM orase AzAyeM chor3a baiThane kA avasara prA jAtA hai, hAtha-pAMva DhIle par3ane lagate haiM, taba nahIM-na-kahIM sahAyatA acAnaka A pahuMcatI hai / stuti, upAsanA, prArthanA, gaMdhavizvAsa nahIM, balki utanI athavA usase bhI adhika saca bAteM haiM, jitanA ki hama khAte haiM, pIte haiM, calate haiM, baiThate haiM, ye saca haiN| balki yoM kahane meM bhI atyukti nahIM ki yahI ekamAtra saca hai ; dUsarI saba bAteM jUTa hai, mithyA haiM / aisI upAsanA, aisI prArthanA bANIkA vaibhava nahIM hai / usakA mUla kaMTha nahIM, balki hRdaya hai| ataeva yadi hama hRdayako nirmala banA leM, usake tAroMkA sura milA leM, to usameM se jo sura nikalatA hai vaha gaganagAmI ho jAtA hai| usake lie jIbhakI zAmAyA nhiiN| yaha to svabhAvataH hI adbhuta bastu hai| vikAramAgI malakI zuddhi ke lie hAdika upAsanA eka jIvana-jar3I hai, isa viSayameM mujhe jarA bhI saMdeha nhiiN| paraMtu isa prasAdIko pAne ke lie hamAre aMdara pUrI-pUrI. nannatA honI caahie|

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adhyAya 22 : nArAyaNa hemacandra 77 77 22 nArAyaNa hemacandra lagabhaga isI daramiyAna svargIya nArAyaNa hemacaMdra vilAyata Aye the| maiM suna cukA thA ki vaha eka acche lekhaka haiN| nezanala iMDiyana esosiyezanavAlI misa mainiMgake yahAM unase milaa| misa mainiMga jAnatI thIM ki sabase hilamila jAnA maiM nahIM jaantaa| jaba kabhI maiM unake yahAM jAtA taba cupa-cApa baiThA rhtaa| tabhI bolatA, jaba koI bAtacIta cher3atA / unhoMne nArAyaNa hemacaMdrase merA paricaya karAyA / nArAyaNa hemacaMdra aMgrejI nahIM jAnate the| unakA pahanAvA vicitra thaa| beDhaMgI patalUna pahane the| usapara thA eka bAdAmI raMga kA mailAkucailA-sA pArasI kATakA beDaula koTa / na nekaTAI, na kAlara / sirapara UnakI guMthI huI TopI aura nIce laMbI dAr3hI / ___badana ikaharA, kada nATA kaha sakate haiN| ceharA gola thA, usapara cecakake dAga the| nAka na nokadAra thI, na cpttii| hAtha dAr3hIpara phirA karatA thA / vahAMke lAla-gulAla phaizanebala logoMmeM nArAyaNa hemacaMdra vicitra mAlUma hote the| vaha auroMse alaga chaTaka par3ate the / ___"ApakA nAma to maiMne bahuta sunA hai / Apake kucha lekha bhI par3he haiN| Apa mere ghara calie na ?" nArAyaNa hemacaMdrakI AvAja jarA bharrAI huI thI unhoMne haMsate hue javAba diyA-- "Apa kahAM rahate haiM ?" " sTora sttriittmeN|" " taba to hama par3osI haiN| mujhe aMgrejI sIkhanA hai / Apa sikhA deMge ?" maiMne javAba diyA-- "yadi maiM kisI prakAra bhI ApakI sahAyatA kara sakU to mujhe bar3I khuzI hogii| maiM apanI zakti-bhara koziza kruuNgaa| yadi Apa cAheM, to maiM Apake yahAM bhI A sakatA huuN|"

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 "1 'jI nahIM, maiM khuda hI Apake pAsa graauuNgaa| mere pAsa pAThamAlA bhI hai / use letA AUMgA / 195 samaya nizcita huA / Age calakara hama donoMmeM bar3A sneha ho gayA / nArAyaNa hemacaMdra vyAkaraNa jarA bhI nahIM jAnate the / 'ghor3A' kriyA aura 'daur3anA' saMjJA bana jaatii| aise majedAra udAharaNa to mujhe kaI yAda haiM / paraMtu nArAyaNa hemacaMdra aise the, jo mujhe bhI hajama kara jAyaM / vaha mere alpa vyAkaraNajJAnase apaneko bhulA denevAle jIva na the / vyAkaraNa na jAnanepara vaha kisI prakAra lajjita na hote the / [[ 'maiM ApakI taraha kisI pAThazAlAmeM nahIM par3hA huuN| mujhe apane vicAra prakaTa karanemeM kahIM vyAkaraNakI sahAyatAkI jarUrata nahIM dikhAI dI / acchA, Apa baMgalA jAnate haiM ? maiM to baMgalA bhI jAnatA huuN| maiM baMgAlameM bhI ghUmA hUM / maharSi nAtha TaigorI pustakoMkA anuvAda to gujarAtI janatAko maiMne hI diyA hai / abhI kaI bhASAoM ke suMdara graMthoMke anuvAda karane haiN| anuvAda karanemeM bhI maiM zabdArthapara nahIM cipaTA rahatA / bhAvamAtra de denese mujhe saMtoSa ho jAtA hai / mere bAda dUsare loga cAhe bhale hI suMdara vastu diyA kreN| maiM to vinA vyAkaraNa par3he marAThI bhI jAnatA hUM, hiMdI bhI jAnatA hUM aura aba aMgrejI bhI jAnane laga gayA hU~ / mujhe to sirpha zabda-bhaMDArakI jarUrata hai / Apa yaha na samajha leM ki akelI aMgrejI jAna lenebharase mujhe saMtoSa ho jaaygaa| mujhe to phAMsa jAkara phreMca bhI sIkha lenI hai | maiM jAnatA hUM ki phreMca sAhitya bahuta vizAla hai / yadi ho sakA to jarmana jAkara jarmana bhASA bhI sIkha lUMgA / 37 isa taraha nArAyaNa hemacaMdra kI vAgvArA ve roka bahatI rhii| deza-dezAMtaroMmeM jAne va bhinna-bhinna bhASA sIkhanekA unheM asIma zauka thA / (C 'taba to Apa amerikA bhI jarUra hI jAveMge ? " 41 'bhalA isameM bhI koI saMdeha ho sakatA hai ? isa navIna duniyAko dekhe binA kahIM vApasa lauTa sakatA hUM ? " 44 ' para Apake pAsa itanA dhana kahAM hai ? 44 'mujhe dhanakI kyA jarUrata par3I hai ? mujhe ApakI taraha tar3aka-bhar3aka to rakhanA hai hI nahIM / merA khAnA kitanA aura pahananA kyA ? merI pustakoMse

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adhyAya 22 : nArAyaNa hemacandra 76 kucha mila jAtA hai aura thor3A-bahuta mitra loga de diyA karate haiM, vaha kAphI hai| maiM to sarvatra tIsare darjemeM hI saphara karatA huuN| amerikA to DekameM jaauuNgaa|" nArAyaNa hemacaMdrakI sAdagI basa unakI apanI thI; hRdaya bhI unakA vaisA hI nirmala thaa| abhimAna chUtaka nahIM gayA thaa| lekhakake nAte apanI kSamatApara unheM AvazyakatAse bhI adhika vizvAsa thA / hama roja milte| hamAre bIca vicAra tathA prAcAra-sAmya bhI kAphI thaa| donoM annAhArI the| dopaharako kaI bAra sAtha hI bhojana karate / yaha merA vaha samaya thA, jaba maiM prati saptAha satraha ziliMgameM hI apanA gujara karatA aura khAnA khuda pakAyA karatA thaa| kabhI maiM unake makAnapara jAtA to kabhI vaha mere makAnapara Ate / maiM aMgrejI DhaMgakA khAnA pakAtA thA, unheM desI DhaMgake binA saMtoSa nahIM hotA thaa| unheM dAla jarUrI thii| maiM gAjara ityAdikA rasA banAtA / isapara unheM mujhapara bar3I dayA aatii| kahIMse vaha mUMga DhUMDha lAye the| eka dina mere lie mUMga pakAkara lAye, jo maiMne bar3I rucipUrvaka khaaye| phira to hamArA isa tarahakA dene-lenekA vyavahAra bahuta bar3ha gyaa| maiM apanI cIjoMkA namUnA unheM cakhAtA aura vaha mujhe cakhAte / isa samaya kArDinala mainiMgakA nAma sabakI jabAna para thaa| DaoNkake majadUroMne har3atAla karadI thii| jaoNnavarsa aura kArDinala mainiMgake prayatnoMse har3atAla jaldI baMda ho gii| kArDinala mainiMgakI sAdagIke viSayameM jo DisarailIne likhA thA, vaha maiMne nArAyaNa hemacaMdrako sunAyA / "taba to mujhe usa sAdhu puruSase jarUra milanA caahie|" "vaha to bahuta bar3e AdamI haiM, Apase kyoMkara mileMge ?" "isakA rAstA mai batA detA huuN| Apa unheM mere nAmase eka patra likhie ki maiM eka lekhaka huuN| Apake paropakArI kAryoMpara Apako dhanyavAda deneke lie pratyakSa milanA cAhatA huuN| usameM yaha bhI likha dIjiegA ki maiM aMgrejI nahIM jAnatA, isalie---ApakA nAma likhie-bataura dubhASiyAke mere sAtha raheMge / " maiMne isa majamUnakA patra likha diyaa| do-tIna dinameM kArDinala mainiMgakA kArDa aayaa| unhoMne milanekA samaya de diyA thA / hama donoM gye| maiMne to, jaisA ki rivAja thA, mulAkAtI kapar3e pahana

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 liye / nArAyaNa hemacaMdra to jyoM-ke-tyoM, sanAtana ! vahI koTa aura vahI patalUna / maiMne jarA majAka kiyA, para unhoMne use sApha haMsImeM ur3A diyA aura bole---- "tuma saba sudhArapriya loga Darapoka ho| mahApuruSa kisIkI pozAkakI tarapha nahIM dekhte| ve to usake hRdayako dekhate haiM / " kArDinalake mahala meM hamane praveza kiyaa| makAna mahala hI thaa| hama baiThe hI the ki eka dubalese UMce kadavAle vRddha puruSane praveza kiyaa| hama donoMse hAtha milaayaa| unhoMne nArAyaNa hemacaMdrakA svAgata kiyA / "maiM ApakA adhika samaya lenA nahIM caahtaa| maiMne ApakI kIrti suna rakkhI thii| Apane har3atAla meM jo zubha kAma kiyA hai, usake lie ApakA upakAra mAnanA thaa| saMsArake sAdhu puruSoMke darzana karanekA merA apanA rivAja hai| isalie Apako Aja yaha kaSTa diyA hai|" ina vAkyoMkA tarajumA karake unheM sunAneke lie hemacaMdrane mujhase khaa| "aApake Agamaname meM bar3A prasanna huA huuN| maiM AzA karatA hUM ki Apako yahA~kA nivAsa anukUla hogA, aura yahAMke logoMme Apa adhika paricaya kreNge| paramAtmA ApakA bhalA kreN|" yoM kahakara kArDinala uTha khar3e he| eka dina nArAyaNa hemacaMdra mere yahAM dhotI aura kuratA pahanakara Aye / bhalI makAna-mAlakinane daravAjA kholA aura dekhA to Dara gaI / daur3akara mere pAsa AI (pAThaka yaha to jAnate hI haiM ki maiM bAra-bAra makAna badalatA hI rahatA thA) aura bolI-- "eka pAgala-sA AdamI Apame milanA cAhatA hai|" maiM daravAjepara gayA aura nAgayaNa hemacaMdra ko dekhakara daMga raha gyaa| unake ceharepara vahI nityakA hAsya camaka rahA thA / " para Apako lar3akoMne nahIM satAyA ? " " hAM, mere pIche par3e jarUra the, lekina maiMne koI dhyAna nahIM diyA, to vApasa lauTa gaye / " nArAyaNa hemacaMdra kucha mahIne iMglaMDameM rahakara perisa cale gaye / yahAM phaca kA adhyayana kiyA aura phaca pustakoM kA anuvAda karanA zurU kara diyaa| meM itanI phaca jAna gayA thA ki unake anajAnako jAMca laM / maiMne dekhA ki vaha tarjamA nahIM, bhAvArtha thA /

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adhyAya 13 : mahApradarzanI 61 aMtameM unhoMne amerikA jAnekA apanA nizcaya bhI nibAhA / bar3I muzkilase Deka yA tIsare darjekA TikaTa prApta kara sake the / amerikAmeM jaba vaha dhotI aura kuratA pahanakara nikale to asabhya pozAka pahananeke jurma meM vaha giraphtAra kara liye gaye the / para jahAMtaka mujhe yAda hai, bAdameM baha chUTa gaye / 23 mahApradarzinI 1890 I0 meM perisameM eka mahApradarzinI huI thI / usakI taiyAriyoMkI bAteM maiM akhabAroM meM khUba par3hatA thA / idhara perisa dekhanekI tIvra icchA to thI hI / socA ki isa pradarzinI ko dekhane ke lie calA jAUMgA to duherA lAbha ho jAyagA / pradarzinI meM ephila TAvara dekhanekA AkarSaNa bahuta bhArI thaa| yaha TAvara bilakula lohekA banA huA hai / eka hajAra phITa UMcA hai / isake pahale logoMkA khayAla thA ki itanI UMcI imArata khar3I hI nahIM raha sakatI / aura bhI aneka bAteM pradarzinI meM dekhane lAyaka thIM / maiMne kahIM par3hA thA ki perisameM annAhAra ke lie eka sthAna hai / maiMne usameM eka kamarA le liyA / perisatakakA saphara garIbI se kiyA aura vahAM pahuMcA / sAta dina rhaa| bahuta kucha to paidala hI cala kara dekhA / pAsameM perisa aura usa pradarzinIkI gAiDa tathA nakzA bhI rakhatA thA / unakI sahAyatA se rAste DhUMDhakara mukhya-mukhya cIjeM dekha lIM / pradarzanIkI vizAlatA aura vividhatAke sivA aba mujhe usakI kisI cIjakA smaraNa nahIM hai| ephila TAvarapara to do-tIna bAra car3hA thA, isalie usakI yAda ThIka-ThIka haiM / pahalI maMjilapara khAne-pInekI suvidhA bhI thI / isalie yaha kahaneko ki itanI UMcAIpara hamane khAnA khAyA, maiMne vahAM bhojana kiyA aura usake lie sAr3he sAta ziliMgako diyAsalAI lagAI / perisake prAcIna maMdiroMkI yAda abataka kAyama hai| unakI bhavyatA aura bhItarakI zAMti kabhI nahIM bhulAI jA sktii| nATreDamakI kArIgarI aura bhItarakI citrakArI mere smRti - paTapara aMkita hai / yaha pratIta huA ki jinhoMne

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12 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 lAkhoM rupaye aise svargIya maMdiroMke banAne meM kharca kiye, unake hRdayake aMtastalameM kucha-na-kucha Izvara-prema jarUra rahA hogA / perisakA phaizana, vahAMkA svecchAcAra aura bhoga-vilAsakA varNana khUba par3A thA aura usakI pratIti vahAMkI galI-galI meM hotI jAtI thii| paraMtu ye maMdira una bhoga-sAmagriyoMse alaga chaTaka jAte the| unake aMdara jAte hI bAharako azAMti bhUla jAtI thii| logoMkA bartAva hI badala jAtA thaa| ve adabake sAtha baratane laga jAte the| vahAM zora-gula nahIM ho sktaa| kumArikA mariyamakI mUrti ke sAmane koI-na-koI jarUra prArthanA karatA huA dikhAI detaa| yaha saba dekhakara tritapara yahI asara par3A ki yaha saba vahama nahIM, hRdayakA bhAva hai ; aura yaha bhAva dina-ba-dina barAbara puSTa hotA gyaa| kumArikAkI mUrtike sAmane ghuTane Tekakara prArthanA karanevAle ve upAsaka saMgamaramarake pattharako nahIM pUja rahe the; balki usake aMdara nivAsa karanevAlI apanI manogata zaktiko pUjate the| mujhe Aja bhI kucha-kucha yAda hai ki usa samaya mere cittapara isa pUjAkA aisA asara par3A ki ve pUjana-dvArA IzvarakI mahimAko ghaTAte nahIM, balki bar3hAte hI haiN| ephila TaoNvarake viSayameM eka-do bAteM likha denA jarUrI hai / mujhe patA nahIM ki ephila TaoNvara Aja kisa matalabako pUrA kara rahA hai / pradarzinImeM jAnepara usake varNana to jarUra hI par3ane meM Ate the| unameM usakI stuti thI aura niMdA bhI thii| mujhe yAda hai ki niMdA karanevAloMmeM TaoNlasTaoNya mukhya the| unhoMne likhA thA ki ephila TaoNvara manuSyakI mUrkhatAkA cihna hai, usake jJAnakA pariNAma nhiiN| unhoMne apane lekhameM batAyA thA ki saMsArake aneka pracalita nazoMmeM taMbAkUkA vyasana saMbase kharAba hai| jo kukarma karanekI himmata zarAbake pInese nahIM hotI, vaha bIr3I pIkara AdamIko ho jAtI hai / zarAba AdamIko pAgala banA detI hai, paraMtu bIr3I se to usakI buddhi para koharA chA jAtA hai aura vaha havAI kile bAMdhane laga jAtA hai| TaoNlasTaoNyane apanA yaha mata pradarzita kiyA thA ki ephila TaoNvara aise hI vyasana kA pariNAma hai / / ephila TaoNvarameM sauMdaryakA to nAma bhI nahIM hai| yaha bhI nahIM kahA jA sakatA ki usase pradarzinIkI zobhA jarA bhI bar3ha gaI ho| eka naI bhArI-bharakama cIja thii| aura isIlie use dekhane hajAroM zrAdamI gaye the| yaha TaoNvara pradarzinI

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adhyAya 24 : bairisTara to hue----lekina Age ? 83 kA eka khilaunA thaa| aura vaha isa bAtako bar3I acchI taraha siddha kara rahA thA ki jabataka hama mohAdhIna haiM tabataka hama bhI bAlaka hI haiN| basa, ise bhale hI hama usakI upayogitA kaha leN| bairisTara to hue-lekina Age paraMtu jisa kAmake lie, arthAt bairisTara bananeke lie maiM vilAyata gayA thA, usakA kyA huA ? maiMne usakA varNana Ageke lie chor3a rakkhA thaa| para aba usake saMbaMdhameM kucha likhanekA samaya A pahuMcA hai / __bairisTara bananeke lie do bAteM Avazyaka thIM--eka to 'Tarma' bharanA, arthAt satroMmeM Avazyaka hAjirI honA; aura dUsare kAnUnakI parIkSAmeM zarIka honA / sAlameM cAra satra hote the| vaise bAraha satroMmeM hAjira rahanA jarUrI thA / satrameM hAjira rahane ke mAnI hai 'bhojoMmeM upasthita rahanA / ' hareka satrameM lagabhaga 24 bhoja hote haiM, jinameMse cha:meM hAjira rahanA jarUrI thaa| bhojameM jAnese yaha matalava nahIM ki vahAM kucha khAnA hI cAhie; sirpha nizcita samayapara vahAM hAjira ho jAnA aura jabataka vaha calatA rahe vahAM upasthita rahanA kAphI thaa| Amataurapara to sabhI vidyArthI usameM khAte-pIte haiN| bhojanameM acche-acche pakavAna hote aura peyameM UMce darajekI zarAba / dAma alabattA dene par3ate the| para yaha DhAI yA tIna ziliMgake karIba, arthAt do yA tIna rupayese jyAdA nahIM hotA thaa| yaha rakama vahAM bahuta hI kama samajhI jAtI thI, kyoMki bAharake kisI bhI bhojamAlayameM bhojana karanevAleko to sirpha zarAbake lie hI itane dAma dene par3ate the| bhojanake kharcakI banisbata zarAba pInevAleko zarAbake hI dAma adhika lagate haiN| hiMdustAnameM--yadi hama naye DhaMgake sudhAraka na hoM to--hameM yaha bar3A hI Azcaryajanaka mAlUma hogaa| vilAyata jAnepara jaba yaha bAta mAlUma huI to mere dilako bar3I coTa phuNcii| maiM nahIM samajha sakA ki zarAbake pIche itane rupaye kharca karaneko logoMkA jI kaise hotA hai| para pIche maiM unakA rahasya samajhane lgaa| zurU meM to maiM aise bhojoMmeM kucha bhI nahIM khAtA thA ; kyoMki mere kAmakI cIja to vahAM

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 kevala roTI, ubAle hue AlU yA gobhI hI ho sakatI thI / zurU meM to ve bhI acche na lagate the, isalie maiM nahIM khAtA thA / bAdako jaba ve mujhe svAdiSTa lagane lage tatra to mujhe dUsarI cIjeM prApta karanekA bhI sAmarthya prApta ho cukA thA / vidyArthiyoMke lie eka prakArakA khAnA hotA thA aura beMcaroM ( vidyAmaMdira ke adhyApakoM ) ke lie dUsare prakArakA aura bhArI khAnA hotA thA / mere sAtha eka pArasI vidyArthI the / vaha bhI nirAmiSa bhojI bana gaye the / hama donoMne milakara beMcaroMke bhojanake padArthoMmeMse nirAmiSa bhojiyoMke khAne yogya padArtha prApta karane ke lie prArthanA kii| vaha maMjUra huI, aura hameM beMcaroMke Tebalase phalAdi aura dUsare zAka bhI milane lage / , zarAbako to maiM chUtAtaka na thA / cAra-cAra vidyArthiyoMmeM zarAbakI botaleM dI jAtI thiiN| isalie aisI caukar3iyoMmeM merI bar3I mAMga hotI thI / kyoMki maiM zarAba nahIM pItA thA, isalie do botaleM zeSa tInoMmeM ur3a sakatI phira ina satroMmeM eka bar3I rAta ( graiMDa nAiTa ) bhI hotI thI / usa dina 'porTa aura 'zerI 'ke alAvA 'zempena' bhI milatI thI / zempenakA majA kucha aura hI samajhA jAtA hai / isalie isa bar3I rAtako merI kImata adhika AMkI jAtI thI, aura usa rAtako hAjira rahaneke lie mujhe nimaMtraNa bhI diyA jAtA / 8 I isa khAne-pIne se bairisTarIkI par3hAImeM kyA adhikatA ho sakatI hai, yaha maiM taba samajha sakA thA aura na Aja hI samajha sakA huuN| hAM, aisA eka samaya rator ki jaba aise bhojoMmeM bahuta hI thor3e vidyArthI hote the / taba unameM aura Train vArtAlApa hotA aura vyAkhyAna bhI diye jAte the / isameM unheM vyAvahArika jJAna prApta ho sakatA thA, bhalI-burI para eka prakArakI sabhyatA ve mIkha sakate the aura vyAkhyAna dene kI zaktikA vikAsa kara sakate the| kiMtu mere samayameM to yaha saba asaMbhava ho gayA thaa| beMcara to dUra achUta hokara baiThate the / isa purAne rivAjakA bAda meM kucha bhI artha nahIM raha gayA thA, phira bhI prAcInatA - premI -- dhIme--- iMglaiMDa meM vaha abhItaka calA A rahA hai / kAnUnakI par3hAI AsAna thI / bairisTara vinodameM 'Dinara bairisTara 'ke nAmase pukAre jAte the| sabhI jAnate the ki parIkSAkA mUlya nahIMke barAbara hai / mere samayameM do parIkSAeM hotI thiiN| romana laoNkI aura iMglaiMDake kAnUnoMkI /

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adhyAya 24 : barisTara to hue--lekina Age ? yaha parIkSA do bAra karake dI jAtI thii| parIkSAke lie pustakeM niyata thIM, paraMtu unheM zAyada hI koI par3hatA hogaa| romana laoNke lie to choTe-choTe 'noTsa' likhe hue milate the| unheM paMdraha dinameM par3hakara pAsa honevAloMko bhI maiMne dekhA hai| iMglaiMDake kAnUnoMke viSayameM bhI yahI bAta hotI thii| unake 'noTsa' do-tIna mahIne meM par3hakara pAsa honevAle vidyArthiyoMko bhI maiMne dekhA hai| parIkSAke prazna AsAna aura parIkSaka bhI udAra / romana laoNmeM 95 se 99 prati saikar3A vidyArthI pAsa hote the; aura aMtima parIkSAmeM 75 athavA usase bhI kucha adhika / isalie phela honekA bhaya bahuta hI kama rahatA thaa| aura parIkSA bhI varSa meM eka nahIM balki cAra bAra hotI thii| aisI suvidhAjanaka parIkSA kisIko bhI bojha nahIM mAlUma ho sakatI thii| paraMtu maiMne apane lie use eka bojha banA liyA thaa| maiMne socA ki mujhe to mUla pustakeM saba par3ha lenI caahieN| unheM na par3hanA apaneApako dhokhA denA pratIta hunaa| isalie kAphI kharca karake mUla pustakeM kharIda liiN| romana laoNko laiMTinameM par3ha jAnekA nizcaya kiyaa| vilAyatakI praveza-parIkSAmeM maiMne laiTina par3hI thii| usase yahAM acchA phAyadA huaa| yaha mihanata vyartha na gaI / dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM romana-Daca laoN pramANabhUta mAnA jAtA hai| use samajhane meM mujhe jasTIniyanakA adhyayana bar3A hI upayogI sAbita huaa| ____ iMglaiMDake kAnUnoMkA adhyayana meM kAphI mihanata karanepara nau mahInemeM pUrA kara sakA thaa| kyoMki amakI 'kaoNmana laoN' nAmaka bar3I paraMtu sarasa pustaka par3hane meM hI bahuta samaya lagA thaa| snelakI 'ikviTImeM ' dila to lagA; paraMtu samajhane meM dama nikala gyaa| vhAiTa aura TyUDarake mukhya mukadamoMmeM jo-jo par3haneke the unheM par3hane meM AnaMda bhI pAyA aura jJAna bhI milA / viliyamsa aura eDavarDsakI sthAvara-saMpatti saMbaMdhI aura guDIkI jaMgama saMbaMdhI pustaka maiM bar3I dilacaspIke sAtha par3ha sakA thaa| viliyamsakI pustaka to mujhe upanyAsake jaisI mAlUma huI / use par3hate hue chor3aneko jI nahIM caahtaa| kAnUnI pustakoMmeM hiMdustAna Aneke bAda, maiM meinakA 'hiMdU laoN ' utanI hI dilacaspIke sAtha par3ha sakA thA, paraMtu hiMdustAnake kAnUnoMkI bAta karane ke lie yaha sthAna nahIM hai / parIkSAyeM pAsa kii| 10 jUna 1891 I0ko maiM bairisTara huA / gyArahavIM

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66 Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 tArIkhako iMglaiMDa-hAIkorTa meM DhAI ziliMga dekara apanA nAma rajisTara karAyA / bAraha jUnako hiMdustAna lauTa Aneke lie ravAnA huA / paraMtu merI nirAzA aura bhItikA kucha ThikAnA na thA / kAnUna maiMne par3ha to liyA, paraMtu merA dila yahI kahatA thA ki abhItaka mujhe kAnUnakA itanA jJAna nahIM huA ki vakAlata kara sakUM / isa are varNana karaneke lie eka dUsare adhyAyakI zrAvazyakatA hogI / 25 merI duvidhA bairisTara kahalAnA to AsAna mAlUma huA, paraMtu bairisTarI karanA bar3A muzkila jAna par3A / kAnUnakI kitAbeM to par3ha DAlIM, para vakAlata karanA na sIkhA / kAnUnI pustakoM meM kitane hI dharma-siddhAMta mujhe mile, jo mujhe pasaMda hue / paraMtu yaha samajha meM na AyA ki vakAlata ke pezemeM unase kaise phAyadA uThAyA jA sakegA / 'apanI cInakA istemAla isa taraha karo ki jisase dUsaroMkI cIjako nukasAna na pahuMce, yaha dharma-vacana mujhe kAnUnameM milA / paraMtu yaha samajhameM na grAyA ki vakAlata karate hue makkala mukadame meM usakA vyavahAra kisa taraha kiyA jAtA hogA / jina mukadamoMmeM isa siddhAMtakA upayoga kiyA gayA thA, maiMne unako pddh'aa| paraMtu unase isa siddhAMtako vyavahArameM lAneko tarakIba hAtha na AI / dUsare, jina kAnUnoMko maiMne par3hA unameM bhAratavarSa ke kAnUnoM kA nAma taka na thA / na yaha jAnA ki hiMdU-zAstra tathA islAmI kAnUna kyA cIja hai / arjIdAarne likhanA na jAnatA thA / meM bar3I duvidhAmeM pdd'aa| phIrojazAha mehatAkA nAma maiMne sunA thA / vaha adAlatoMmeM siMha samAna garjanA karate haiM / yaha kalA vaha iMglaiMDa meM kisa prakAra sIkhe hoMge ? unake jaisI nipuNatA isa janmameM to nahIM ne kI, yaha to dUrakI bAta hai; kiMtu mujhe to yaha bhI jabaradasta zaka thA ki eka vakIlako haisiyata se maiM peTa pAlane taka meM bhI samartha ho sakUMgA yA nahI !

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adhyAya 25: merI duvidhA yaha uthala-puthala to tabhI se cala rahI thI, jaba meM kAnUnakA adhyayana kara rahA thaa| maiMne apanI yaha kaThinAI apane eka-do mitroMke sAmane rakkhI / ekane kahA, dAdAbhAIkI salAha lo| yaha pahale hI likha cukA hUM ki mere pAsa dAdAbhAIke nAma eka paricaya-patra thA / usa patrakA upayoga maiMne derase kiyA / aise mahAn puruSa se milane jAnekA mujhe kyA adhikAra hai ? kahIM yadi unakA bhASaNa hotA to maiM sunane calA jAtA aura eka kone meM baiThakara prAMkha-kAnako tupta karake vApasa lauTa AtA / unhoMne vidyArthiyoMke saMparka meM lAne ke lie eka maMDalakI bhI sthApanA kI thI / usameM meM jAyA karatA / dAdAbhAIkI vidyArthiyoM ke prati citA aura dAdAbhAIke prati vidyArthiyoMkA Adara bhAva dekhakara mujhe bar3A AnaMda hotA / Akhira himmata bAMdhakara eka dina vaha patra dAdAbhAIko diyaa| unase milaa| unhoMne kahA- 'tuma jaba kabhI milanA cAho aura salAha mazavirA lenA cAho, jarUra milanA / ' lekina maiMne unheM kabhI takalIpha na dI / bagaira jarUrI kAmake unakA samaya lenA mujhe pApa mAlUma huA / isalie, usa mitrakI salAhake anusAra, dAdAbhAIke sAmane apanI kaThinAiyoMko rakhanekI merI himmata na huI / 67 usI athavA aura kisI mitrane mujhe mi0 greDerika pikaTase milane kI salAha dI / mi0 piMkaTa kaMjaraveTiva dalake the, lekina bhAratIyoMke prati unakA prema nirmala aura niHsvArtha thA / bahuta se vidyArthI unase salAha lete / isalie maiMne eka patra likhakara milaneko samaya maaNgaa| unhoMne mujhe samaya diyA / maiM milA / yaha mulAkAta meM Ajataka na bhUla sakA / eka mitrakI taraha vaha mujhase mile / merI nirAzAko to unhoMne haMsakara hI ur3A diyA - " tuma kyoM aisA - mAnate ho ki hara AdamIke lie phIrojazAha honA jarUrI hai ? phIrojazAha badaruddIna to virale hI hote haiM / yaha to tuma nizcaya jAno ki eka mAsUlI manuSya prAmANikatA tathA udyogazIlatAse vakAlatakA pezA acchI taraha calA sakatA hai / saba-ke-saba mukadame kaThina aura ulajhe hue nahIM hote / acchA, tumhArA sAmAnya jJAna kaisA - kyA hai ? " maiMne usakA jaba paricaya diyA taba mujhe vaha kucha nirAza se mAlUma hue| kiMtu vaha nirAzA kSaNika thii| turaMta hI phira unake ceharepara eka haMsI kI rekhA

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 1 daur3a gaI aura bole "tumhArI kaThinAIko aba maiM samajha paayaa| tumhArA sAmAnya jJAna bahuta hI kama hai| tumheM duniyAkA jJAna nahIM hai| isake binA vakIlakA kAma nahIM cltaa| tumane to bhAratakA itihAsa bhI nahIM pddh'aa| vakIlako manuSyasvabhAvakA paricaya honA caahie| use to ceharA dekhakara AdamIko pahacAnanA AnA caahie| dUsare, hara bhAratavAsIko bhAratavarSa ke itihAsakA bhI jJAna honA jarUrI hai| yoM vakAlata ke sAtha isakA koI saMbaMdha nahIM hai; kiMtu usakA jJAna tumheM honA caahie| maiM dekhatA hUM ki tumane 'ke' tathA 'mailesana'kI 1857 ke gadarapara likhI pustaka bhI nahIM par3hI hai / use to phaurana hI par3ha lenA / maiM do pustakoMke nAma aura batalAtA huuN| unheM manuSyako pahacAnane ke lie jarUra par3ha ddaalnaa|" yaha kahakara unhoMne laeNveTara tathA zemalapenikakI 'mukha sAmudrika vidyA' (phijiyaoNgnAmI) viSayaka do pustakoMke nAma likha diye / ina bujurga mitrakA maiMne khUba ahasAna maanaa| unake sAmane to eka kSaNake lie merA Dara bhAga gayA, kiMtu bAhara nikalate hI phira ciMtA zurU huii| 'ceharA dekhakara AdamIko pahacAna lenA' isa vAkyako gunagunAtA aura una do pustakoMkA vicAra karatA-karatA ghara phuNcaa| dUsare hI roja laeNbeTarakI pustaka kharIda lii| zemalapenikakI kitAba usa dUkAnapara na milI / laeNveTarakI pustaka par3hI to sahI; kiMtu vaha to snelakI 'ikviTI' kI apekSA bhI kaThina mAlUma huI / dilacaspabhI bahuta kama thii| zeksapiyarake ceharekA adhyayana kiyA, lekina laMdanakI sar3akoM para ghUmate-phirane zeksapiyaroMko pahacAnakI zakti bilakula na aaii| leMveTarakI pustakase mujhe jJAna nahIM milA / mi. pikaTakI salAhakI apekSA unake snehase bahuta lAbha huaa| unakI haMsamukha tathA udAra mukha mudrAne mere dilameM jagaha krlii| unake isa vacana para, ki vakAlata karane ke lie phIrojazAha mehatAke samAna nipuNatA, smaraNazakti AdikI AvazyakatA nahIM hotI, prAmANikatA va zramazIlatAse kAma cala jAyagA, merA vizvAsa baiTha gyaa| ina do cIjoMkI pUMjI to mere pAsa kAphI thii| ata: dilakI gaharAImeM kucha AzA baMdhI / 'ke ' tathA 'mailesana 'kI pustakako maiM bilAyatama na par3ha pAyA / kina

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'adhyAya 25 : merI duvidhA maiMne samaya milate hI pahale usIko par3ha DAlanekA nizcaya kara liyA thaa| dakSiNa aphrIkA meM jAkara merA yaha manoratha pUrA huA / yoM nirAzAmeM AzAkA thor3A-sA mizraNa lekara maiM kAMpate pairoMse 'pAsAma' sTImarase bambaI bandarapara utarA / bandarapara samudra kSubdha thA / lA~cameM baiThakara kinArepara pahuMcanA thA / M RITEmmerser bhAga pahalA samApta womemaramaanasan eNavanamanawane

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dUsarA bhAga rAyacandabhAI * pichale adhyAya meM maiM likha cukA hUM ki baMbaI-baMdarapara samudra kSubdha thaa| jUna-julAImeM hiMda-mahAsAgarameM yaha koI naI bAta nahIM hotii| adanase hI samudrakA yaha hAla thaa| saba loga bImAra par3a gaye the--akelA maiM maujameM rahA thaa| tUphAna dekhane ke lie Dekapara rahatA aura bhIga bhI jaataa| subaha bhojanake samaya yAtriyoMmeM hama eka hI do najara Ate / hameM proTakI patalI lapasI kI rakAbIko godameM rakhakara khAnA par3atA thA; varnA hAlata aisI thI ki lapasI godameM hI Dhulaka pdd'tii| yaha bAharI tUphAna mere lie to aMdarake tUphAnakA cihna-mAtra thaa| paraMtu bAharI tUphAna ke rahate hue bhI maiM jisa prakAra apaneko zAMta rakha sakatA thA, vahI bAta prAMtarika tUphAnake saMbaMdhameM bhI kahI jA sakatI hai| jAtivAloMkA savAla to sAmane thA hii| vakAlatakI ciMtAkA hAla pahale hI likha cukA huuN| phira maiM ThaharA sudhAraka / ataH manameM kitane hI sudhAra karaneke manasUbe bAMdha rakkhe the / unakI bhI ciMtA thii| eka aura akalpita ciMtA khar3I ho gii| mAtAjIke darzana karane ke lie maiM adhIra ho rahA thaa| jaba hama DaoNkapara pahuMce to mere bar3e bhAI vahAM maujUda the| unhoMne DAkTara mehatA tathA unake bar3e bhAIse jAna-pahacAna kara lI thii| DAkTara cAhate the ki maiM unhIMke ghara ThaharUM, so vaha mujhe vahIM livA le gye| isa taraha vilAyatameM jo saMbaMdha baMdhA thA vaha dezameM bhI kAyama rhaa| yahI nahIM, balki adhika dRr3ha hokara donoM parivAroMmeM phailA / mAtAjIke svargavAsake bAremeM maiM bilakula bekhabara thA ghara pahuMcanepara mujhe yaha samAcAra sunAyA aura snAna karAyA gyaa| yaha khabara mujhe vilAyatameM bhI dI jA sakatI thI; para isa vicArase ki mujhe AghAta kama pahuMce mere bar3e bhAIne baMbaI pahuMcane taka mujhe khabara na pahuMcAnekA hI nizcaya kiyaa| apane isa

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adhyAya 1: rAyacaMdabhAI duHkhapara meM paradA DAlanA cAhatA huuN| pitAjIkI mRtyuse adhika AghAta mujhe isa samAcAra ko pAkara phuNcaa| mere kitane hI manasUbe miTTImeM mila gye| para mujhe yAda hai ki isa samAcAra ko sunakara maiM rone-cIkhane nahIM lagA thaa| AMsUtakako prAyaH roka pAyA thaa| aura isa taraha vyavahAra zurU rakkhA, mAno mAtAjIkI mRtyu huI hI na ho DAkTara mehatAne apane gharake jina logoMse paricaya karAyA, unameM se - ekakA jikra yahAM kiye binA nahIM raha sktaa| unake bhAI revAzaMkara jagajIvana ke sAtha to jIvana-bharake lie sneha-gAMTha baMdha gii| paratu jinakI bAta maiM kahanA cAhatA hUM vaha to hai kavi rAyacaMdra athavA rAjavaMda / vaha DAkTara sAhaba ke bar3e bhAIke dAmAda the aura revAzaMkara jagajIvanakI dUkAnake bhAgIdAra tathA kAryakartA the| unakI avasthA usa samaya 25 varSa se adhika na thii| phira bhI pahalI hI mulAkAtameM maiMne yaha dekha liyA ki vaha paritravAn aura jJAnI the| vaha zatAvadhAnI mAne jAte the| DAkTara mehatAne kahA ki inake zatAvadhAnakA namUnA dekhanA / maiMne apane bhASA-jJAnakA bhaMDAra khAlI kara diyA aura kavijIne mere kahe tamAma zabdoMko usI niyamase kaha sunAyA, jisa niyamase maiMne kahA thaa| isa sAmarthyapara mujhe IrSyA to huI; kiMtu usapara maiM mugdha na ho paayaa| jisa cIjapara maiM mugdha huA usakA paricaya to mujhe pIche jAkara huaa| vaha thA unakA vizAla zAstrajJAna, unakA nirmala caritra aura Atma-darzana karanekI unakI bhArI utkaMThA / maiMne Age calakara to yaha bhI jAnA ki kevala Atma-darzana karaneke lie vaha apanA jIvana vyatIta kara rahe the| hasatAM ramatAM pragaTa hari dekhU re mAru jIvyUM saphala tava lekhU re ; muktAnaMda no nAtha vihArI re odhA jIvanadorI amArI re / ' 'bhAvArtha yaha ki meM apanA jIvana tabhI saphala samajhaMgA, jaba maiM haMsate-khelate Izvarako apane sAmane dekhuugaa| nizcaya-pUrvaka bahI muktAnaMda kI jIvana-DorI hai| --anu0

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62 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 muktAnaMdakA yaha vacana unakI jabAnapara to rahatA hI thA, para unake hRdayameM bhI aMkita ho rahA thA / khuda hajAroMkA vyApAra karate, hIremotIkI parakha karate, vyApArakI gutthiyAM sulajhAte, para ve bAteM unakA viSaya na thiiN| unakA vicAra - unakA puruSArtha to -- prAtma-sAkSAtkAra -- haridarzana thA / dUkAnapara aura koI cIja ho yA na ho, eka-na-eka dharma-pustaka aura DAyarI jarUra rahA karatI / vyApArakI bAta jahAM khatama huI ki dharma-pustaka khulatI athavA rojanAmacepara kalama calane lagatI / unake lekhoM kA saMgraha gujarAtI meM prakAzita huA hai, usakA adhikAMza isa rojanAmaceke hI AdhArapara likhA gayA hai| jo manuSya lAkhoMke saudekI bAta karake turaMta zrAtmajJAnakI gUr3ha bAteM likhane baiTha jAtA hai vaha vyApArIkI zreNIkA nahIM, balki zuddha jJAnIkI koTikA hai| unake saMbaMdha meM yaha anubhava mujhe eka bAra nahIM aneka bAra huA hai / maiMne unheM kabhI gAphila nahIM pAyA / mere sAtha unakA kucha svArtha na thA / maiM unake bahuta nikaTa samAgamameM AyA hUM / maiM usa vakta eka ThaluA bairisTara thaa| para jaba maiM unakI dukAnapara pahuMca jAtA to vaha dharma-vArtAke sivA dUsarI koI bAta na karate / isa samayataka meM apane jIvanakI dizA na dekha pAyA thA; yaha bhI nahIM kaha sakate ki dharma-bAtoM meM merA mana lagatA thA / phira bhI maiM kaha sakatA hUM ki rAyacaMdabhAIkI dharma-vArtA meM cAva se sunatA thA / usake bAda meM kitane hI dharmAcAyoMke saMparka meM AyA hUM, pratyeka dharma ke prAcAryoM se milanekA maiMne prayatna bhI kiyA hai; para jo chApa mere dilapara rAyacaMdabhAIkI par3I, vaha kisI kI na par3a sakI / unakI kitanI hI bAteM mere TheTha aMtastalataka pahuMca jAtIM / unakI buddhiko maiM pradarakI dRSTise dekhatA thA / unakI prAmANikatApara bhI merA utanA hI Adara bhAva thA / aura isameM meM jAnatA thA ki vaha jAna-bUjhakara ulTe rAste nahIM le jAyaMge evaM mujhe vahI bAta kaheMge, jise vaha apane jImeM ThIka samajhate hoMge / isa kAraNa meM apanI prAdhyAtmika kaThinAiyoMmeM unakI sahAyatA letA / rAyacaMdabhAIke prati itanA Adara bhAva rakhate hue bhI maiM unheM dharmagurukA sthAna apane hRdaya meM na de sakA / dharma-gurukI to khoja merI abataka cala rahI hai / hiMdU dharma meM gurupadako jo mahattva diyA gayA hai use 'mAnatA huuN| 'guru bina hota na jJAna' yaha vacana bahutAMza saca hai / akSara jJAna denevAlA zikSaka

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adhyAya 2: saMsAra-praveza yadi adhakacarA ho to eka bAra kAma cala sakatA hai, paraMtu Atma-darzana karAnevAle adhUre zikSakase haragija kAma nahIM calAyA jA sktaa| gurupada to pUrNa jJAnIko hI diyA jA sakatA hai / saphalatA gurukI khojameM hI hai; kyoMki guru ziSyakI yogyatAke anusAra hI milA karate haiN| isakA artha yaha hai ki pratyeka sAdhanako yogyatA-prAptike lie prayatna karanekA pUrA-pUrA adhikAra hai| paraMtu isa prayatnakA phala IzvarAdhIna hai| ___ isIlie rAyacaMdabhAIko maiM yadyapi apane hRdayakA svAmI na banA sakA, tathApi hama Age calakara dekheMge ki unakA sahArA mujhe samaya-samayapara kaisA milatA rahA hai| yahAM to itanA hI kahanA basa hogA ki mere jIvanapara gaharA asara DAlanevAle tIna Adhunika manuSya hai-- rAyacaMdabhAIne apane sajIva saMsargase, TaoNlsaTaoNyane 'svarga tumhAre hRdayameM hai' nAmaka pustaka dvArA tathA raskinane 'anaTu disa lAsTa'-- sarvodaya--nAmaka pustakase mujhe cakita kara diyA hai| ina prasaMgoMkA varNana apaneapane sthAnapara kiyA jaaygaa| saMsAra-praveza bar3e bhAIne to mujhapara bahuterI AzAyeM bAMdha rakkhI thiiN| unheM dhanakA, kIrtikA, aura UMce padakA lobha bahuta thaa| unakA hRdaya bAdazAhake jaisA thaa| udAratA ur3AUpanataka unheM le jaatii| isase tathA unake bholepanake kAraNa mitra banAte unheM dera na lgtii| una mitroMke dvArA unhoMne mere lie mukadame lAnekI tajavIja kara rakkhI thii| unhoMne yaha bhI mAna liyA thA ki maiM khUba rupayA kamAne 'lagUMgA aura isa bharosepara unhoMne gharakA kharca bhI khUba bar3hA liyA thaa| mere lie vakAlatakA kSetra taiyAra karanemeM bhI unhoMne kasara na uThA rakkhI thii| idhara jAtikA jhagar3A abhI khar3A hI thaa| usameM do dala ho gaya the| eka dalane mujhe turaMta jAtimeM le liyaa| dUsarA na leneke pakSameM aTala rahA / jAtimeM le lenevAle dalako saMtuSTa karane ke lie, rAjakoTa pahuMcaneke pahale, bhAIsAhaba mujhe nAsika le gye| vahAM gaMgA-snAna karAyA aura rAjakoTameM pahuMcate hI

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 jAtibhoja diyA gayA / yaha bAta mujhe ruvikara na huii| bar3e bhAIkA mere prati agAdha prema thaa| merA khayAla hai ki merI bhakti bhI vaisA hI thii| isalie unakI icchAko AjJA mAnakara maiM yaMtrakI taraha binA samajhe, usake anukUla hotA calA gyaa| jAtikI samasyA to itanA karanese sulajha gaI / jisa dalase meM pRthaka rahA, usameM praveza karane ke lie maiMne kabhI koziza na kI, aura na maiM kabhI jAtike mukhiyApara manameM kruddha hI huaa| usameM aise loga bhI the jo mujhe tiraskArakI dRSTise dekhate the| unase maiM namatA-jhukatA rhtaa| jAtike bahiSkAra-viSayaka niyamakA pUrA pAlana krtaa| apane sAsa-sasura athavA bahanake yahAM pAnItaka na piitaa| ve chipe-chiye pilAne ko taiyAra hote the| para jisa bAtako cAra AdamiyoMke sAmane nahIM kara sakate, use chipakara karaneko merA jI na cAhatA / mere isa mavahArakA pariNAma yaha huA ki mujhe yAda nahIM AtA ki jAtivAloMne kabhI kisI taraha mujhe satAyA ho / yahI nahIM, balki maiM Aja bhI jAtike eka vibhAgase niyamake anusAra bahiSkRta mAnA jAtA hUM, phira bhI maiMne apane prati unakI taraphase mAna aura udAratAkA hI anubhava kiyA hai| unhoMne mujhe mere kAmameM madada bhI kI hai, aura mujhase isa bAtakI jarA bhI AzA na rakkhI ki meM jAtike lihAja se koI kAma karUM / merI yaha dhAraNA hai ki isa madhura phalakA kAraNa hai kevala merA apratikAra / yadi maiMne jAtimeM jAnekI kogirA kI hotI, adhika dalabaMdI karanekI ceSTA kI hotI, jAtibAloMko cher3A aura ukasAyAhotA, ve mere khilApha uTha khar3e hote aura maiM, vilAyatase Ate hI, udAsIna aura alipta rahane ke badale, kucakrake phaMdemeM par3akara kevala mithyAtvakA poSaka bana jAtA / patnIke sAtha merA saMbaMdha abhI jaisA maiM cAhatA thA vaisA na huA / vilAyata jAnepara bhI apane dveSa-duSTa svabhAvako maiM na chor3a sakA thaa| hara bAtameM merI doSa dekhanekI vRtti aura vahama jArI rhaa| isase meM apane manorathoMko pUrA na kara sakA / socA thA ki patnIko likhanA-par3hanA sikhAUMgA; paraMtu merI viSayAsaktine mujhe yaha kAma bilakula na karane diyA aura apanI isa kamIkA gussA

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adhyAya 2 : saMsAra-praveza maiMne patnI para nikaalaa| eka bAra to yahAMtaka naubata A pahuMcI ki maiMne use nahara bheja diyA aura bahuta kaSTa deneke bAda hI phira sAtha rahane denA svIkAra kiyaa| Age calakara maiM dekha sakA ki yaha mahaja merI nAdAnI hI thI / bAlakoMkI zikSA-praNAlImeM bhI mujhe bahuta-kucha sudhAra karane the| bar3a bhAIke lar3ake-bacce to the hii| maiM bhI eka baccA chor3a gayA thA, jo ki aba cAra sAlakA hone AyA thaa| socA yaha thA ki ina baccoMko kasarata karAUMgA, haTTAkaTTA banAUMgA aura apane sAtha rkkhuugaa| bhAI isameM sahamata the| isameM meM kucha-na-kucha saphalatA prApta kara skaa| lar3akoMkA samAgama mujhe bahuta priya mAlUma huaa| aura unake sAtha haMsI-majAka karanekI Adata Ajataka bAkI raha gaI hai| tabhIse merI yaha dhAraNA huI hai ki maiM lar3akoMke zikSakakA kAma acchA kara sakatA huuN| bhojana-pAna meM bhI sudhAra karanekI AvazyakatA spaSTa thii| gharameM cAyakAphIko to sthAna mila hI cukA thaa| bar3e bhAIne socA ki bhAIke vilAyatase ghara Aneke pahale gharameM vilAyatakI kucha-na-kucha havA to A hI jAnI caahie| isa kAraNa cInIke baratana, cAya Adi jo bhI cIjeM pahale mahaja davA-dArUke lie. athavA naI rozanIke mahamAnoMke lie gharameM rahatI thIM aba sabake lie kAma pAna lgiiN| aise vAyu-maMDalameM maiM apane 'sudhAroM ko lekara aayaa| aba oTamIlakI patalI lapasI zurU huii| cAya-kAphIkI jagaha koko paayaa| para yaha parivartana nAmamAtrakA huA, vAstavameM to cAya-kAphImeM koko aura Akara zAmila ho gyaa| bUTa aura mojoMne apanA aDDA pahalese jamAhI rakkhA thaa| maiMne aba koTa-patalUname gharako pavitra kara diyA / isa taraha kharca bddh'aa| navInatAyeM bddh'iiN| gharapara sapheda haathii.bNdhaa| para itanA kharca Aye kahAMse ? yadi rAjakoTameM Ate hI vakAlata zurU karatA to haMsI honekA Dara thA, kyoMki mujhe to abhI itanA bhI jJAna na thA ki rAjakoTameM pAsa hue vakIloMke sAmane khar3A raha sakatA--aura tisapara phIsa unase dasa gunI lenekA dAvA / kauna mavakkila aisA bevakUpha thA, jo mujhe apanA vakIla banAtA / athavA yadi koI aisA mUrkha mavakkila mila bhI jAtA, to kyA yaha ucita thA ki maiM apane ajJAnameM gustAkhI aura dhokhebAjIkI jor3a milAkara apanepara saMsArakA karja bar3hAtA ?

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66 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 mitroMkI yaha salAha huI ki pahale maiM kucha samaya baMbaI jAkara hAIkorTa meM anubhava prApta karUM aura bhAratake kAnUna-kAyadoMkA adhyayana karUM / sAtha hI mukadame mila jAyaM to vakAlata bhI karatA rhuuN| maiM baMbaI ravAnA huA / ghara-bAra rcaa| rasoiyA rakkhA / vaha takadIrase milA mujha jaisA hI / brAhmaNa thA / maiMne use naukarakI taraha nahIM rakkhA thA / vaha nahAtA to thA, para dhotA na thA / dhotI mailI, janeU mailA, zAstrAdhyayanakI to bAta hI dUra | magara aura adhika acchA rasoiyA lAtA kahAM se ? " kyoM ravizaMkara, rasoI banAnA to jAnate ho, para saMdhyA vagairA bhI kucha yAda hai ? " sf 'saMdhyA ? sAhaba, saMdhyA - tarpaNa to hai hala aura kudAlI hai khaTakarama | to aisA hI bAmana hU~ / prApa jaise haiM, to nibAha lete haiM, nahIM to khetI banI-banAI hai hI / 11 maiM saba samajha gayA / mujhe ravizaMkarakA zikSaka bananA hogA / samaya to bahuta thA / AdhI rasoI ravizaMkara pakAtA aura AdhI maiM / vilAyata ke annabhojanake prayoga yahAM zurU kiye| eka sTova khriidaa| maiM khuda to paMkti-bheda mAnatA hI na thA / idhara ravizaMkarako bhI paMkti bheda kA Agraha na thA / so hamArI khAsI jor3I mila gii| sirpha itanI zarta -- prathavA musIbata kahie -- thI ki ravizaMkarane maile-kucailepanase nAtA tor3ane aura rasoI sApha rakhanekI kasama khA rakkhI bhI / para maiM cAra-pAMca mAsase adhika baMbaI na raha sakatA thaa| kyoMki kharca bar3hatA hI jAtA thA aura grAmadanI kucha na hotI thI / isa taraha jo maiMne saMsArameM praveza kiyA to apanI vairisTarI mujhe khalane lagI / ADaMbara bahuta, AmadanI kama / jimmedArIkA khayAla mujhe bhItara-hIbhItara kutarane - nocane lagA /

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adhyAya 3: pahalA mukadamA 67 pahalA mukadamA baMbaImeM eka ora kAnUnakA adhyayana zurU huA, dUsarI ora bhojanake prayoga / usameM mere sAtha vIracaMda gAMdhI sammilita hue| tIsarI ora bhAIsAhaba mere lie mukadame khojane lage / kAnUna par3hanekA kAma DhilAIse calA / 'sivila prosijara koDa' kisI taraha Age nahIM cala skaa| hAM, kAnUna zahAdata ThIka claa| vIracaMda gAMdhI sAlisiTarIkI taiyArI karate the, isalie vakIloMkI bAteM bahuta karate -- 'phorojazAhakI yogyatA aura nipuNatAkA kAraNa hai unakA kAnUna viSayaka agAdha jJAna, kAnUna-zahAdata to unheM bara- jabAna hai / daphA battIsakA eka-eka mukadamA vaha jAnate haiM / badaruddIna taiyabajIkI vahasa karane aura dalIleM denekI zakti aisI adbhuta hai ki jaja loga bhI cakita ho jAte haiM / ' jyoM-jyoM maiM aise pratirathI-mahArathiyoMkI bAteM sunatA tyoM-tyoM mere chakke chUTa " bairisTara logoMkA pAMca-sAta sAlataka adAlatoMmeM mAre-mAre phiranA koI gaira-mAmUlI bAta nahIM hai / isIse maiMne sAlisiTara honA ThIka samajhA hai tIna sAla bAda yadi tuma apane kharca bharake lie paidA kara sako to bahuta samajhanA / " kharca hara mahIne car3ha rahA thA / bAhara vairisTarakI takhtI lagI rahatI aura aMdara bairisTarI kI taiyArI hotI rhtii| merA dila ina donoM bAtoM meM kisI taraha mela na baiThA sakatA thaa| isa kAraNa merA adhyayana bar3I parezAnImeM calatA / maiM pahale kaha cukA hUM ki kAnUna - zahAdata meM kucha merA dila lagA / menakA 'hiMdU-laoN' bar3I dilacaspI ke sAtha pddh'aa| paraMtu pairavI karanekI himmata abhI na AI / kiMtu apanA yaha du:kha maiM kisase kahatA ? sasurAlameM AI naI bahUkI taraha merI hAlata ho gaI ! 7 itane meM hI takadIrase mamIbAIkA mukadamA mujhe milaa| mAmalA smAla kA korTa meM thA / prazna upasthita huA ki 'dalAlako kamIzana denA par3egA / '

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Atma-kathA: bhAga 2 maine sApha inkAra kara diyA / "paraMtu phaujadArI adAlatake nAmI vakIla bhI to kamIzana dete haiM, joki tIna-cAra hajAra mahInA kamA lete haiN|' "mujhe unakI barAbarI nahIM karanA / mujhe to 300) mAsika mila jAyaM to basa / pitAjIko kahAM isase jyAdA milate the ?" " para vaha jamAnA nikala gayA / baMbaIkA kharca kitanA hai ? jarA vyavahArakI vAtoMko bhI dekhanA caahie|" para maiM Tasa-se-masa na huaa| kamIzana bilakula na dene diyA / mamIbAIkA mukadamA to milA hii| mukadamA thA AsAna / mujhe 30) mihanatAnA milA thaa| eka diname jyAdAkA kAma na thA / smAla kAja korTa meM pahale-pahala maiM pairavI karane gyaa| maiM muddAlekI taraphase thA, isalie mujhe jiraha karanI thii| maiM khar3A huA; para paira kAMpane lage, sira ghUmane lgaa| mujhe mAlUma huA ki sArI adAlata ghUma rahI hai| savAla kyA pUchaM, yaha sUjha nahIM par3atA thaa| jaja haMsA hogaa| vakIloMko to majA AyA hI hogaa| para usa samaya merI AMkheM yaha sava kahAM dekha sakatI thIM ? ___ maiM baiTha gyaa| dalAlase kahA ki maiM isa mAmalekI pairavI na kara skNgaa| tuma paTelako vakAlatanAmA de do aura apanI yaha phIsa vApasa le lo| usI dina 51) dekara paTela sAhabase taya kara diyaa| unake lie to yaha bAyeM hAthakA khela thaa| maiM vahAMse sttkaa| patA nahIM, mavakkila hArA yA jItA / maiM var3A lajjita huaa| nizcaya kiyA ki jabataka pUrI-pUrI himmata na pAjAya, tabataka koI mukadamA na luuNgaa| aura dakSiNa aphrIkA jAnetaka adAlatameM na gayA / isa nizcayameM koI bala na thaa| hAraneke lie kauna apanA mukadamA mujhe detA ? ata: mere isa nizcayake binA bhI koI mujhe pairavI karane AnekA kaSTa na detaa| para baMbaImeM abhI eka aura mukadamA milanA bAkI thaa| isameM sirpha arjI likhanI thii| eka musalamAnakI jamIna porabaMdarameM jabta ho gaI thii| mere pitAkA nAma vaha jAnatA thA / aura isalie vaha unake bairisTara putrake pAsa pAyA thaa| mujhe usakA mAmalA kamajora mAlUma huA, paraMtu maiMne arjI likha denA maMjUra kara liyaa| chapAIkA kharca mavakkilase ThaharAkara maine arjI taiyAra

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adhyAya 3 : pahalA mukadamA kii| mitroMko dikhaaii| unhoMne use pAsa kiyA, taba mujhe kucha vizvAsa huA ki hAM aba arjiyAM likha lene lAyaka ho jAUMgA, aura itanA to ho bhI gayA thaa| __para merA kAma bar3hatA gyaa| yoM mAtameM ajiyAM likhate rahane se ajiyAM likhane kA maukA to milatA; para usase ghara-girastIke kharcakA savAla kaise hala ho sakatA thA ? maiMne socA ki maiM zikSaNakA kAma to avazya kara sakatI haiN| aMgrejI merI acchI thii| isalie, yadi kisI skUlameM maiTrika klAsako aMgrejI par3hAne avasara mile to acchA ho| kucha to AmadanI huaA kregii| maiMne akhabAroMmeM patA-- 'cAhie, aMgrejI zikSaka / roja eka ghaMTeke lie| vetana 75) / yaha eka prakhyAta hAIskUlakA vijJApana thaa| maine darakhvAsta dii| rUbarU milanekA hukma milaa| meM bar3I umaMgame gayA / para jaba prAcAryako mAlUma huA ki maiM bI0 e0 nahIM hUM taba unhoMne mujhe duHkhake sAtha vApasa lauTA diyaa| "para maiMne laMdanameM maiTrika pAsa kiyA hai| merI dUsarI bhASA laMTina thii|" "so to ThIka, para hameM grejueTakI hI jarUrata hai / " mai lAcAra rhaa| mere hAtha-pAMva ThaMDe ho gaye / bar3e bhAI bhI ciMtAmeM pdd'e| hama donoMne socA ki baMbaImeM adhika samaya gaMvAnA phijUla hai / mujhe rAjakoTa meM hI silasilA jamAnA caahie| bhAI khuda eka vakIla the| arjiyAM likhanekA kucha-na-kucha to kAma dilA hI skeNge| phira rAjakoTameM ghara bhI thaa| vahAM rahanese baMbaIkA sArA kharca kama ho sakatA thaa| maiMne isa salAhako pasaMda kiyaa| pAMca-cha: mahIne rahakara baMbaIse DerA-DaMDA uThAyA / baMbaI rahate hue maiM roja hAIkorTa jaataa| para yaha nahIM kaha sakatA ki vahAM kucha sIkha paayaa| itanA jJAna na thA ki sIkha sktaa| kitanI hI bAra to mukadame meM kucha samajha hI nahIM par3atA, na dila hI lgtaa| baiThe-baiThe jhoMke bhI khAyA krtaa| aura bhI jhoMke khAnevAle yahAM the---isase merI zarmakA bojha halakA ho jaataa| Age calakara maiM yaha samajhane lagA ki hAIkorTa meM baiThe-baiThe noMdake jhoMke khAnA eka phaizana hI samajha lenA caahie| phira to zarmakA kAraNa hI na raha gayA / yadi isa yugameM baMbaImeM mujha jaise koI bekAra bairisTara hoM to unake lie

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eka choTA-sA apanA anubhava yahAM likha detA huuN| merA makAna giragAMva meM thaa| phira bhI kabhI-kabhI hI gAr3I kirAye krtaa| TrAmameM bhI muzkilase baitthtaa| giragAMvase niyama-pUrvaka bahuta karake paidala hI, jaataa| usameM khAse 45 minaTa lagate / lauTatA bhI bilA nAgA paidala hii| dinameM dhUpa sahanekI Adata DAla lI thii| isase maiMne kharca meM kiphAyata bhI bahuta kI aura maiM eka dina bhI vahAM bImAra na par3A, hAlAMki mere sAthI bImAra hote rahate the| jaba maiM kamAne lagA thA, taba bhI maiM paidala hI Aphisa jAtA / usakA lAbha maiM Ajataka pA rahA huuN| pahalA AghAta baMbaIse nirAza hokara rAjakoTa gyaa| alahadA daphtara kholaa| kucha silasilA claa| arjiyAM likhanekA kAma milane lagA aura pratimAsa lagabhaga 300) kI AmadanI hone lgii| ina arjiyoMke milanekA kAraNa merI yogyatA nahIM balki jariyA thaa| bar3e bhAI sAhabake sAthI vakIlakI vakAlata acchI calatI thii| jo bahuta jarUrI arjiyAM AtI athavA jinheM ve mahatvapUrNa samajhate ve to bairisTara ke pAsa jAtIM, mujhe to sirpha unake garIba mavakkiloMkI ajiyAM milatIM / / ...baMbaIvAlI kamIzana na denekI merI Teka yahAM na nibha skii| vahAM aura yahAMkI sthitikA bheda mujhe samajhAyA gayA--baMbaImeM to dalAlako kamIzana denekI bAta thii| yahAM vakIlako denekI bAta hai| mujhase kahA gayA ki baMbaIkI taraha yahAM bhI tamAma bairisTara, binA apavAdake, kucha-na-kucha kamIzana avazya diyA karate haiN| bhAI sAhabakI dalIlakA uttara mere pAsa na thaa| 'tuma dekhate ho ki maiM eka dUsare vakIlakA sAjhI huuN| mere pAsa AnevAle mukadamoMmeMse tumhAre lAyaka mukadame tumheM denekI ora merI pravRtti svabhAvataH rahatI hai aura yadi tuma apanI phIsakA kucha aMza mere sAjhIko na do to merI sthiti kitanI viSama ho sakatI hai ? hama to eka sAtha rahate haiM, isalie mujhe to tumhArI phIsakA lAbha mila hI jAtA

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adhyAya 4 : pahalA AghAta 101 hU~; para mere sAjhIdArako nahIM miltaa| kiMtu yadi vahI mukadamA vaha kisI dUsareko de de to usakA hissA avazya milegaa|' maiM isa dalIlake cakkara meM AA gayA aura ghere manane kahA------ yadi mujhe bairisTarI karanA hai, to phira aise mukadamoMmeM kamIzana na dene kA Agraha mujhe na rakhanA caahie|' maiM jhuka gyaa| apane manako phusalAyA athavA spaSTa zabdoMmeM kaheM to dhokhA diyA / para isake sivA dUsare kisI mAmale meM kamIzana diyA ho, yaha mujhe yAda nahIM par3atA / isa taraha yadyapi merA prArthika silasilA to laga gayA, paraMtu isI arasemeM mujhe apane jIvana meM eka pahalI Thesa lgii| abataka maiMne sirpha kAnoMse suna rakkhA thA ki briTiza adhikArI kaise hote haiM / para aba apanI AMkhoM dekhanekA avasara milA / porabaMdarake bhUtapUrvaM rANA sAhabako gaddI milane ke pahale mere bhAI unake maMtrI aura salAhakAra the / usa samaya unapara yaha tohamata lagAI thI ki vaha rANA sAhabako ulaTI salAha dete haiM / tAtkAlika poliTikala ejeMTase unakI zikAyata kI gaI thI aura unakA khayAla bhAI sAhabake prati kharAba ho rahA thA / ina sAhabase maiM vilAyata meM milA thaa| vahAM unase merI ThIka-ThIka mitratA ho gaI thii| bhAI sAhabane socA ki isa paricayase lAbha uThAkara maiM poliTikala ejeMTase do bAteM kahUM aura unake dilapara jo kucha burA asara paidA ho use dUra karanekI ceSTA karUM / mujhe yaha bAta bilakula pasaMda na huI / maiMne kahA -- " vilAyatakI aisI-vaisI mulAkAtakA phAyadA yahAM na uThAnA caahie| yadi bhAI sAhabane sacamuca hI koI burA kAma kiyA ho, to phira siphArizase lAbha hI kyA ? yadi na kiyA ho to phira bAkAyadA apanA vaktavya peza karanA cAhie athavA apanI nirdoSatApara vizvAsa rakhakara nirbhaya ho rahanA caahie| " para bhAI sAhabako yaha bAta na paTI / "tuma kAThiyAvAr3ase paricita nahIM ho / jiMdagIkI khabara tumheM aba par3egI; yahAM jariyA aura mela-mulAkAta se saba kAma hotA hai / tumhAre jaisA bhAI ho aura tumhAre mulAkAta hAkimako thor3I-sI siphAriza karanekA jaba vakta yAve taba tuma isa taraha piMDa chur3A lo, yaha ucita nahIM / bhAIkI muravvata maiM na tor3a sakA / apanI icchAke khilApha meM gayA / mujhe usa hAkisake pAsa jAnekA koI adhikAra na thA / maiM jAnatA thA ki jAne meM

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 merA AtmAbhimAna jAtA hai| maiMne milanekA samaya maaNgaa| vaha milA aura maiM gyaa| maiMne purAnI pahacAna nikAlI, paraMtu maiMne turaMta dekhA ki vilAyata aura kAThiyAvAr3ameM bheda thaa| hukUmatakI kursIpara DaTe hue sAhaba aura vilAyata meM chuTTIpara gaye hue sAhabameM bheda thaa| poliTikala ejeMTako mulAkAta to yAda AI, para sAtha hI adhika berukha bhI hue| unakI berukhAImeM maiMne dekhA, unakI AMkhoMmeM maiMne par3hA---' usa paricayase lAbha uThAne to tuma yahAM nahIM Aye ho ? ' yaha jAnatesamajhate hue bhI maiMne apanA sura chedd'aa| sAhaba adhIra hue--" tumhAre bhAI kucakrI haiN| maiM tumase jyAdA bAta nahIM sunanA caahtaa| mujhe samaya nahIM hai| tumhAre bhAIko kucha kahanA ho to bAkAyadA arjI peza kreN|" yaha uttara basa thA; paraMtu garaja bAvalI hotI hai / maiM apanI bAta kahatA hI jA rahA thaa| sAhaba utthe| bole--"aba tumako calA jAnA caahie|" maiMne kahA--" para, merI bAta to pUrI suna lIjie ! " sAhaba lAla-pIle hue--" caparAsI, isako daravAjeke bAhara karado / " 'hujUra' kahakara caparAsI daur3a aayaa| merA carkhA abhItaka cala hI rahA thaa| caparAsIne merA hAtha pakar3A aura daravAje ke bAhara kara diyA / sAhaba cale gaye, caparAsI bhI calA gyaa| maiM bhI calA--jhuMjhalAyA, khisiyaayaa| maiMne sAhabako ciTThI likhI--"Apane merA apamAna kiyA hai, caparAsIse mujhapara hamalA karAyA hai| mujhase mAphI mAMgo, nahIM to bAkAyadA mAnahAnikA dAvA kruuNgaa|" ciTThI bheja dii| thor3I hI derameM sAhabakA savAra javAba le AyA / __ tumane mere sAtha asabhyatAkA bartAva kiyaa| tumase kaha diyA thA ki jAo, phira bhI tuma na gye| taba maiMne jarUra caparAsIko kahA ki inheM daravAjeke bAhara kara do| aura caparAsIke aisA kahanepara bhI tuma bAhara nahIM gye| taba usane hAtha pakar3akara tumheM daphtarase bAhara kara diyaa| isake lie tumako jo-kucha karanA ho, zaukase kro|" javAbakA bhAva yaha thA / isa javAbako jebameM rakha, apanA-sA muMha le, maiM ghara aayaa| bhAIse sArA hAla khaa| unheM duHkha huaa| para vaha merI sAMtvanA kyA kara sakate the ? vakIla mitroMse salAha lI--kyoMki khuda maiM dAvA dAyara karanA kahAM jAnatA thA ?

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adhyAya 5 : dakSiNa aphrIkAkI taiyArI usa samaya sara phIrojazAha mehatA apane kisI mukadame meM rAjakoTa Aye the| mujha-jaisA nayA bairisTara bhalA unase kaise mila sakatA thA ? jisa vakIlakI mArphata vaha Aye the unake dvArA kAgaja-patra bhejakara salAha lii| uttara milA ki gAMdhIse kahanA--' aisI bAteM to tamAma vakIla-bairisTaroMke anubhavameM AI hoNgii| tuma abhI naye Aye ho| tumapara abhI vilAyatakI havA kA asara hai, tuma briTiza adhikArIko pahacAnate nhiiN| yadi tuma cAhate ho ki subase baiThakara do maiMne ka.. leM to usa ciTThIko phAr3a DAlo aura apamAnakI yaha cUMTa pI lo nAlA calAne meM tumheM eka kaur3I na milegI aura muphtameM varavAdI hAtha aayegii| jiMdagIkA anubhava to tumheM abhI milanA bAkI hai|' mujhe yaha nasIhata jaharakI taraha kar3avI lgii| paraMtu isa kar3avI bUMTako pIye binA cArA na thaa| maiM isa apamAna ko bhUla to na sakA; para maine usakA sadUpayoga kiyA--'abase maiM apaneko aisI hAlatameM na ddaaluuNgaa| isa taraha kisIkI siphAriza mAge na kruuNgaa|' isa niyamakA bhaMga maine phira kabhI na kiyaa| isa AghAtane mere jIvanakI dizA badala dii| dakSiNa aphrIkAkI taiyArI poliTikala ejeMTake pAsa merA jAnA avazya anucita thA; paraMtu usakI adhIratA, usakA roSa, usakI uddhatatAke sAmane merA doSa bahuta choTA ho gyaa| mere doSakI sajA dhakkA dilAnA na thii| maiM usake pAsa pAMca minaTa bhI na baiThA houuNgaa| para merA to vAta-cIta karanA hI use nAgavAra ho gyaa| vaha mujhe saujanyake sAtha jAne ke lie kaha sakatA thA, paraMtu hukUmatake nazekI sImA na thii| bAdako mujha mAlUma huA ki dhIraja jaisI kisI cIjako yaha zakhsa jAnatA na thaa| milane jAnevAlekA apamAna karanA unake lie mAmUlI bAta thii| jahAM usakI rucike khilApha koI bAta huI ki phaurana usakA mijAja bigar3a jAtA / merA jyAdAtara kAma usIkI adAlatameM thA / idhara khuzAmada mujhase ho nahIM sakatI thii| aura use nAjAyaja tarIkese khuza karanA maiM cAhatA na thaa|

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10 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 nAliza karane kI dhamakI dekara nAliza na karanA aura use kucha bhI javAba na denA mujhe acchA na lagA / isa bIca kAThiyAvAr3akI aMdarUnI khaTapaTakA bhI mujhe kucha anubhava huA / kAThayAvAr3a aneka choTe-choTe rAjyoM kA pradeza hai / vahAM rAjakAjI logoMkI bahutAyata honA svAbhAvika thA / rAjyoMmeM paraspara gahare SaDyaMtra; padapratiSThA pAne ke lie SaDyaMtra; rAjA kacce kAnake aura parAvIna; sAhaboMke caparAsiyoMkI khuzAmada; sariztedArako Der3ha sAhaba samajhie - - kyoMki sariztedAra sAhabakI AMkha, sAhabake kAna, aura usakA dubhASiyA saba kucha / sariztedAra jo batA de vahI kAyadA / sariztedAra kI AmadanI sAhabakI AmadanIse jyAdA mAnI jAtI thI / saMbhava hai ki isameM kucha pratyukti ho / para yaha bAta nirvivAda hai ki sariztedArake thor3e vetana ke mukAbale meM usakA kharca jyAdA rahatA thA / yaha vAyumaMDala mujhe jaharake samAna pratIta huA / dina-rAta mere manameM yaha vicAra rahane lagA ki yahAM apanI svataMtratAkI rakSA kisa taraha kara sakUMgA ? hote-hote maiM udAsIna rahane lgaa| bhAIne merA yaha bhAva dekhA / yaha vicAra AyA ki kahIM koI naukarI mila jAya to ina SaDyaMtroMse piMDa chUTa sakatA haiM / paraMtu binA SaDyaMtroMke nyAyAdhIza athavA dIvAnakA pada kahAMse mila sakatA thA ? aura vakAlata karane ke rAste meM sAhabake sAtha vAlA jhagar3A khar3A huA thA / porabaMdarameM rANA sAhabako akhtiyAra na the, usake lie kucha adhikAra prApta karane kI tajavIja cala rahI thI / mera logoMse jyAdA lagAna liyA jAtA thA / usake saMbaMdha meM bhI mujhe vahAMke eDaminisTreTara - mukhya rAjyAdhikArI -- se milanA thA / maiMne dekhA ki eDaminisTreTara ke dezI hote hue bhI unakA raubadAba sAhabase bhI jyAdA thA / vaha the to yogya; paraMtu unakI yogyatAkA lAbha prajAjanako bahuta na milatA thA / aMtameM rANA sAhabako to thor3e adhikAra mile | paraMtu mera logoMke hAtha kucha na aayaa| merA khayAla haiM ki unakI to bAta bhI pUrI na sunI gaI / isalie yahAM bhI apekSAkRta nirAza huaa| mujhe lagA ki insApha nahIM huA / insApha pAne ke lie mere pAsa koI sAdhana na thA / bahuta huA to bar3e sAhabake yahAM apIla karadI / vaha hukma lagA detA --' hama isa mAmalemeM dakhala

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adhyAya 5 : dakSiNa aphrIkAkI taiyArI nahIM de skte|' aisA phaisalA yadi kisI kAnUna-kAyademeM balapara kiyA jAtA ho taba to pAzA kI jA sakatI hai| para yahAM to sAhabakI icchA hI kAnUna thaa| Akhira merA jI Uba utthaa| isI avasarapara bhAI sAhabake pAsa porabaMdarakI eka memana dUkAnakA saMdezA AyA-- 'dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM hamArA vyApAra hai| bar3A kArobAra hai / eka bhArI mukadamA cala rahA hai| dAvA cAlIsa hajAra pauMDakA hai| bahuta dinoMse mAmalA cala rahA hai| hamArI taraphase acche-se-acche vakIla bairisTara haiN| yadi Apa apane bhAIko hamAre yahAM bheja deM to hameM bhI madada milegI aura usakI bhI kucha madada ho jaaygii| vaha hamArA mAmalA vakIloMko acchI taraha samajhA skeNge| isake sivA naye dezakI yAtrA hogI aura naye-naye logoMse jAna-pahacAna hogI so alg|' bhAI sAhabane mujhase jikra kiyaa| maiM sArI bAta acchI taraha na samajha skaa| maiM yaha na jAna sakA ki sirpha vakIloMko samajhAnekA kAma hai yA mujhe adAlatameM bhI jAnA pdd'egaa| para merA jI lalacAyA jarUra / dAdA abdullAke hissedAra svargIya seTha abdulakarIma javerIkI mulAkAta bhAIne kraaii| seThane kahA-- "tumako bahuta mihanata nahIM karanI pdd'egii| bar3e-bar3e goroMse hamArI dostI hai / unase tumhArA paricaya hogaa| hamArI dUkAnake kAmameM bhI madada kara skoge| hamAre yahAM aMgrejI ciTThI-patrI bahuta hotI hai| usameM bhI tumhArI madada mila skegii| tumhAre rahanekA prabaMdha hamAre hI baMgalemeM rhegaa| isa taraha tumapara kucha bhI kharca na par3egA / " maiMne pUchA-- " kitane dinataka mujhe vahAM kAma karanA par3egA ? mujhe vetana kyA milegA ?" "eka sAlase jyAdA tumhArA kAma na rhegaa| Ane-jAnekA pharsTaklAsakA kirAyA aura bhojana-kharcake alAvA 105 pauMDa de deNge|" yaha vakAlata nahIM, naukarI thii| paraMtu mujhe to jaise-taise hiMdustAna chor3a denA thaa| socA ki naI duniyA dekheMge aura nayA anubhava milegA so alg| 105 pauMDa bhAI sAhabako bheja dUMgA to ghara-kharca meM kucha madada ho jaaygii| yaha socakara maiMne to vetanake saMbaMdhameM binA kucha khIMca-tAna kiye seTha abdula karImakI bAta mAna lI aura dakSiNa aphrIkA jAneke lie taiyAra ho gayA /

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praarthii : saabaa - neTAla pahuMcA vilAyata jAte samaya jo viyoga duHkha huA thA, vaha dakSiNa aphrIkA jAte hue na hunA; kyoMki mAtAjI to cala basI thI aura mujhe duniyAkA aura sapharakA anubhava bhI bahuta-kucha ho gayA thaa| rAjakoTa aura baMbaI to pAyAjAyA karatA hI thaa| isa kAraNa abakI bAra sirpha patnIkA hI viyoga du:khada thaa| vilAyatase Ane ke bAda dUsare eka bAlakakA janma ho gayA thaa| hama dampatIke premameM abhI viSaya-bhogakA aMza to thA hii| phira bhI usameM nirmalatA pAne lagI thii| mere vilAyatase lauTanake vAda hama bahata thoDA samaya eka sAtha rahe the aura maiM aisA-vaisA hI kyoM na ho, usakA zikSaka bana cukA thaa| idhara patnIkI bahuterI bAtoMmeM bahuta-kucha sudhAra karA cukA thA aura unheM kAyama rakhane ke lie bhI sAtha rahane kI AvazyakatA hama donoMkI mAlUma hotI thii| paraMtu pra.kA mujhe AkarSita kara rahA thaa| usane isa viyogako sahana karanekI zakti de dI thii| 'eka sAlake bAda to hama mileMge hI' kahakara aura dilAsA dekara maiMne rAjakoTa chor3A, aura baMbaI phuNcaa| __dAdA abdullAke baMbaIke ejeMTakI mArphata mujhe TikaTa lenA thaa| paraMtu jahAjapara kebina khAlI na thii| yadi maiM yaha cUka jAUM to phira mujhe eka mAsataka baMbaImeM havA khAnI pdd'e| ejeMTane kahA-- "hamane to khUba daur3a-dhUpa kara lii| hameM TikaTa nahIM milaa| hAM, DekameM jAyaM to bAta dUsarI hai| bhojanakA iMtajAma sailUna meM ho sakatA hai / " ye dina mere phararTa klAsakI yAtrAke the| bairisTara bhalA kahIM DekameM saphara kara sakatA hai ? maiMne De kameM jAne se inkAra kara diyaa| mujhe ejeMTakI bAta para zaka bhI huaa| yaha bAta mere mAnane meM na AI ki pahale darjekA TikaTa mila hI nahIM sktaa| ataeva ejeMTase pUchakara khuda meM TikaTa lAne claa| jahAjapara pahuMcakara bar3e aphasarase milaa| pUchanepara usane sarala bhAvase uttara diyA--"hamAre yahAM muzkilase itanI bhIr3a hotI hai| paraMtu mojAMvikake gavarnara janarala isI jahAjase jA rahe haiN| isase sArI jagaha bhara gaI hai|"

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adhyAya 6 : neTAla pahuMcA 107 "taba kyA Apa kisI prakAra mere lie jagaha nahIM kara sakate ? " aphasarane merI ora dekhA, haMsA aura bolA-- "eka upAya hai| merI kebinameM eka baiThaka khAlI rahatI hai| usameM hama yAtriyoMko nahIM baiThane dete / para Apake lie maiM jagaha kara dene ko taiyAra huuN|" maiM khuza huaa| aphasarako dhanyavAda diyA va seThase kahakara TikaTa mNgaayaa| 1893ke apraila mAsameM maiM bar3I umaMgake sAtha apanI takadIra prAjamAne ke lie dakSiNa aphrIkA ravAnA huaa| pahalA baMdara lAmU milaa| kaptAnako zataraMja khelanekA zauka thaa| para vaha abhI nausikhayA thaa| koI teraha dinameM vahAM phuNce| rAstemeM kaptAnake sAtha khAsA sneha ho gayA thaa| use apanase kama jAnakAra khilAr3IkI jarUrata thI aura usane mujhe khelane ke lie bulaayaa| maiMne zataraMjakA khela kabhI dekhA na thaa| hAM, suna khUba rakkhA thaa| khelane vAle kahA karate ki isameM buddhi kA khAsA upayoga hotA hai| kaptAnane kahA--" maiM tumheM sikhaauuNgaa|" maiM use manacAhA ziSya milA; kyoMki mujhameM dhIraja kAphI thaa| maiM hAratA hI rhtaa| aura jyoM-jyoM meM hAratA. kaptAna bar3e utsAha aura umaMgase sikhAtA / mujhe yaha khela pasaMda aayaa| paraMtu jahAjase nIce vaha kabhI sAtha na utraa| rAjA-rAnIkI cAleM jAnanese adhika maiM na sIkha sakA / lAmU baMdara aayaa| jahAja vahAM tIna-cAra ghaMTe ThaharanevAlA thaa| maiM vaMdara dekhane ko nIce utraa| kaptAna bhI gayA thaa| para usane mujhe kaha diyA thA-- 'yahAMkA baMdara dagAbAja hai| tuma jaldI vApasa A jAnA / ' ___gAMva choTA-sA thaa| vahAM DAkaghara meM gayA to hiMdustAnI AdamI dekhe / majhe khuzI huii| unake sAtha bAteM kii| havaziyoMse milaa| unakI rahana-sahana meM dilacaspI paidA huii| usameM kucha samaya calA gyaa| Dekake aura yAtrI bhI vahAM A gaye the| unase paricaya ho gayA thaa| ve bhojana pakAkara ArAma se khAnA khAne nIce utare the| maiM unakI nAvameM baitthaa| samudra meM jvAra bhI khAsA thA / hamArI nAvameM bojha bhI kAphI thaa| tanAva itane jorakA thA ki nAvakI rassI jahAjakI sIr3hI ke sAtha kisI taraha na baMdhatI thii| nAva jahAjake pAsa jAkara phira haTa jaatii| jahAja ravAnA honekI pahalI sITI huii| maiM ghbraayaa| kaptAna Uparase dekha rahA thaa| usane jahAja 5 minaTa rokane ke lie khaa| jahAjake

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106 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 pAsa eka machavA thA / use 10 ) dekara eka mitrane kirAye kiyaa| machave naM mujhe nAvameMse uThA liyaa| jahAjakI sIr3hI Upara car3ha cukI thI / rassIke bana maiM Upara khIMcA gayA aura jahAja calane lagA / becAre dUsare yAtrI raha gaye / kaptAnakI usa cetAvanIkA matalaba va maiM samajhA / lAmUse moMbAsA aura vahAMse jaMjIbAra pahuMce / jaMjIbArameM bahuta ThaharanA thA -- yA 10 dina / yahAMse naye jahAjameM baiThanA thA / kaptAna ke premakI sImA na thI / isa premane mere lie viparIta rUpa dhAraNa kiyaa| usane mujhe apane sAtha saira karane ke lie bulAyA / usakA eka aMgreja mitra bhI sAtha thA / hama tInoM kaptAnake machavemeM utre| isa sairakA marma meM bilakula na jAnatA thA / kaptAnako kyA khabara thI ki aisI bAtoMmeM meM bilakula anajAna hoUgA / hama to havazI auratoMke muhalloMmeM jA phuNce| eka dalAla hameM vahAM le gyaa| tInoM eka-eka kamare meM dAkhila hue| para maiM to zarmakA mArA kamare meM ghusA baiThA hI rhaa| usa becArI bAIke manameM kyA-kyA vicAra prAye hoMge, yaha to vahI jAnatI hogii| thor3I derameM kaptAnane zrAbAja lagAI / maiM to jaisA aMdara ghusA thA, vaisA hI vApasa bAhara A gayA / yaha dekhakara kaptAna merA bholApana samajha gyaa| zurU meM to mujhe bar3I zarma mAlUma huI; paraMtu isa kAma ko to meM kisI taraha pasaMda nahIM kara sakatA thA, isase zarma calI gaI aura maiMne IzvarakA upakAra mAnA ki isa bahanako dekhakara mere manameM kisI prakArakA vikArataka utpanna na huA / mujhe apanI isa kamajorIpara bar3I glAni huI ki maiM kamaremeM praveza karanese inkAra 'karanekA sAhaMsa kyoM na kara sakA / * mere jIvanameM yaha isa prakAra kI tIsarI parIkSA thii| kitane hI navayuvaka zurUAta meM nirdoSa hote hue bhI jhUThI zarma se burAImeM lipta ho jAte hoNge| merA bacAva mere puruSArthake badaulata nahIM huA thA / yadi maiMne kamaremeM jAne se sApha inkAra kara diyA hotA to puruSArtha samajhA jA sakatA thA / so mere isa bacAva ke lie to ekamAtra IzvarakA hI upakAra mAnanA cAhie / isa ghaTanA se Izvarapara merI AsthA dRr3ha huI aura jhUThI zarma chor3ane kA sAhasa bhI kucha prAyA / jaMjIbAra meM eka saptAha rahanA thA / isalie eka makAna kirAye kA lekara maiM zaharameM rahA / khUba ghUma-phirakara zaharako dekhA / jaMjIbArakI hariyAlI

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saath o : hRsstt smr' 106 kI kalpanA sirpha malAbArameM hI ho sakatI hai| vahAMke vizAla vRkSa, bar3e-bar3e phala ityAdi dekhakara maiM to cakita raha gyaa| jaMjIvArase mojAMbika aura vahAMse lagabhaga maIke aMtameM neTAla phuNcaa| kucha anubhava neTAlakA baMdara yoM to Darabana kahalAtA hai, para neTAlako bhI baMdara kahate haiN| mujhe baMdarapara livAne abdullA seTha Aye the| jahAja dhakkepara AyA / neTAlake jo loga jahAjapara apane mitroMko lene Aye the, unake raMga-DhaMgako dekhakara maiM samajha gayA ki yahAM hiMdustAniyoMkA vizeSa Adara nhiiN| abdullA seThakI jAna-pahacAnake loga unake sAtha jaisA baratAva karate the usameM eka prakArakI kSudratA dikhAI detI thI, aura vaha mujhe cubha rahI thii| abdullA seTha isa phajIhatake AdI ho gaye the| mujhapara jinakI najara par3atI jAtI ve mujhe kutUhalase dekhate the; kyoMki merA libAsa aisA thA ki maiM dUsare bhAratavAsiyoMse kucha nirAlA mAlUma hotA thaa| usa samaya phrAka koTa Adi pahane thA aura sirapara baMgAlI DhaMgakI pagar3I diye thaa| mujhe ghara livA le gye| vahAM abdullA seThake kamareke pAsakA kamarA mujhe diyA gyaa| abhI vaha mujhe nahIM samajha pAye the; maiM bhI unheM nahIM samajha pAyA thaa| unake bhAIkI dI huI ciTThI unhoMne par3hI aura becAre pasopezameM par3a gye| unhoMne to samajha liyA ki bhAIne to yaha sapheda hAthI ghara baMdhavA diyaa| merA sAhabI ThATa-bATa unheM bar3A kharcIlA mAlUma huA; kyoMki mere lie usa samaya unake yahAM koI khAsa kAma to thA nhiiN| mAmalA unakA cala rahA thA TrAMsavAlameM / so turaMta hI vahAM bhejakara vaha kyA karate? phira yaha bhI eka savAla thA ki merI kAbaliyata aura ImAnadArIkA vizvAsa bhI kisa hadataka kiyA jAya ? aura priToriyAmeM khuda mere sAtha vaha raha nahIM sakate the| muddAle priToriyAmeM rahate the| kahIM unakA burA asara mujhapara hone lage to? aura yadi vaha mAmalekA kAma mujhe na deM to aura kAma to unake karmacArI mujhase bhI acchA kara sakate the / phira karmacArIse yadi bhUla ho jAya, to kucha kaha-suna bhI sakate the; mujhe to kahanese

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110 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 bhI rhe| kAma yA to kArakunIkA thA yA mukadamekA tIsarA thA nahIM / aisI hAlata meM yadi mukadamekA kAma mujhe nahIM sauMpate haiM to ghara baiThe merA kharca uThAnA par3atA thA / abdullA seTha par3he-likhe bahuta kama the / akSara jJAna kama thA; para anubhavajJAna bahuta bar3hA-car3hA thaa| unakI buddhi teja thI; aura vaha khuda bhI isa bAtako jAnate the / raphta se aMgrejI itanI jAna lI thI ki bolacAlakA kAma calA lete / paraMtu itanI aMgrejI ke balapara vaha apanA sArA kAma nikAla lete the / baiMka meM mainejaroMse bAteM kara lete, yUropiyana vyApAriyoMse saudA kara lete, vakIloMko apanA mAmalA samajhA dete| hiMdustAniyoMmeM unakA kAphI mAna thA / unakI per3hI usa samaya hiMdustAniyoMmeM sabase bar3I nahIM to, bar3I per3hiyoMmeM avazya thI / unakA svabhAva hamI thA / vaha islAmakA bar3A abhimAna rakhate the | tatvajJAnakI vArtA ke zaukIna the / arabI nahIM jAnate the / phira bhI kurAna zarIpha tathA Amataurapara islAmI - dharma-sAhityakI vAkaphiyata unheM acchI thI / dRSTAMta to jabAnapara hAjira rahate the / unake sahavAsase mujhe islAmakA acchA vyAvahArika jJAna huaa| jaba hama eka-dUsareko jAna-pahacAna gaye, taba vaha mere sAtha bahuta dharma-carcA kiyA karate / dUsare yA tIsare dina mujhe Darabana adAlata dikhAne le gaye / yahAM kitane hI logoM se paricaya kraayaa| adAlata meM apane vakIlake pAsa mujhe biThAyA / majisTreTa mere muMhakI ghora dekhatA rahA / usane kahA-- apanI pagar3I utAra lo| " maiMne inkAra kiyA aura adAlata se bAhara calA AyA / mere nasIba meM to yahAM bhI lar3AI likhI thI / pagar3I utaravAne kA rahasya mujhe abdullA seThane samajhAyA / musalamAnI libAsa pahananevAlA apanI musalamAnI pagar3I yahAM pahana sakatA hai dUsare bhAratavAsiyoMko adAlata meM jAte hue apanI pagar3I utAra lenI cAhie / isa sUkSma-bhedako samajhAne ke lie yahAM kucha bAteM vistArake sAtha likhanI hoMgI / maiMne ina do-tIna dina meM hI yahAM dekha liyA thA ki hiMdustAniyoMne yahAM apane-apane giroha banA liye the / eka giroha thA musalamAna vyApAriyoMkA -- 11

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adhyAya 7 : kucha anubhava 111 ve apaneko 'raba' kahate the| dUsarA giroha thA hiMdU yA pArasI kArakuna pezA logoMkA | hiMdU kArakuna gradhara meM laTakatA thA / koI apanako ' araba meM zAmila kara letA / pArasI apaneko paraziyana khte| tInoM eka-dUsarese sAmAjika saMbaMdha to rakhate the / eka cauthA aura bar3A samUha thA tAmila, telagU aura uttarI bhArata ke giramiTiyA athavA giramiTayukta bhAratIyoMkA / giramiTa 'egrimeMTa' kA bigar3A huA rUpa hai / isakA artha hai ikarAranAmA, jisake dvArA garIba hiMdustAnI pAMca sAlakI majUrI karane kI zartapara neTAla jAte the / giramiTase giramiTiyA banA hai / isa samudAyake sAtha auauroMkA vyavahAra kAma-saMbaMdhI hI rahatA thA / ina giramiTiyoMko aMgreja kulI kahate / kulIkI jagaha 'sAmI' bhI kahate / sAmI eka pratyaya hai, jo bahutere tAmila nAmoMke aMtameM lagatA hai / 'sAmI ' kA artha hai svAmI | svAmIkA artha huA pati / ataeva 'sAmI' zabdapara jaba koI bhAratIya bigar3a par3atA, aura yadi usakI himmata par3I, to usa aMgrejase kahatA -- 'tuma mujhe sAmI to kahate ho; para jAnate ho sAmI ke mAne kyA hote haiM ? sAmI 'pati' ko kahate haiM, kyA maiM tumhArA pati hUM ?' yaha sunakara koI aMgreja zaramiMdA ho jAtA, koI khIjha uThatA aura jyAdA gAliyAM dene lagatA aura maukA par3e to mAra bhI baiThatA; kyoMki unake najadIka to 'sAmI ' zabda ghRNA sUcaka hotA thA-usakA artha 'pati' karanA mAno usakA apamAna karanA thA / isa kAraNa mujhe ve kulI - bairisTara kahate / vyApArI kulI - vyApArI kahalAte / kulIkA mUla artha 'majUra' to eka ora raha gayA / vyApArI 'kulI' zabdase cir3hakara kahatA - ' meM kulI nahIM, maiM to graraba hUM; ' athavA ' meM vyApArI hU~ / ' koI-koI vinayazIla aMgreja yaha sunakara mAphI mAMga lete / aisI sthitimeM pagar3I pahananekA savAla vikaTa ho gayA / pagar3I utAra denekA artha thA mAna bhaMga sahana karanA / so maiMne to yaha tarakIba socI ki hiMdustAnI pagar3Iko utArakara aMgrejI Topa pahanA karUM, jisase use utArane meM mAna-bhaMgakA bhI savAla na raha jAya aura maiM isa jhagar3e se bhI baca jAUM / para abdullA seThako yaha tarakIva pasaMda na huii| unhoMne kahA- yadi Apa isa samaya aisA parivartana kareMge to usakA ulaTA artha hogA / jo loga dezI pagar3I pahane rahanA cAhate hoMge unakI sthiti viSama ho jAyagI / phira

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112 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 Apake sirapara apane hI dezakI pagar3I zobhA detI hai / Apa yadi aMgrejI TopI lagAveMge to loga 'veTara' samajheMge / 93 ina vacanoMmeM duniyAvI samajhadArI thI, dezAbhimAna thA, aura kucha saMkucitatA bhI thI / samajhadArI to spaSTa hI hai / dezAbhimAnake binA pagar3I pahanane kA grAgraha nahIM ho sakatA thA / saMkucitatAke binA ' veTara kI upamA na sUjhatI / giramiTiyA bhAratIyoM meM hiMdU, musalamAna aura IsAI tIna vibhAga / jo giramiTiyA IsAI ho gaye, unakI saMtati IsAI thI / 1893 I0 meM bhI unakI saMkhyA bar3I thI / ve saba aMgrejI livAsameM rahate / unakA acchA hissA hoTalameM naukarI karake jIvikA upArjana karatA / isI samudAyako lakSya karake aMgrejI TopIpara abdullA seThane yaha TIkA kI thI / usake aMdara vaha bhAva thA ki hoTalameM 'veTara' banakara rahanA halakA kAma hai / Aja bhI yaha vizvAsa bahutoM ke manameM kAyama hai / " kula milAkara abdullA seThakI bAta mujhe acchI mAlUma huI / maiMne pagar3IvAlI ghaTanA para pagar3IkA tathA apane pakSakA samarthana akhabAroMmeM kiyA / akhabAroMmeM usapara khUba carcA calI / 'navelakama vijiTara anacAhA atithi -- ke nAmase merA nAma akhabAroMmeM AyA aura tIna hI cAra dinake aMdara anAyAsa hI dakSiNa aphrIkA meM merI khyAti ho gaI / kisIne merA pakSa samarthana kiyA, kisIne merI gustAkhIkI bharapeTa niMdA kI / merI pagar3I to lagabhaga aMtataka kAyama rahI / vaha kaba utarI, yaha bAta hameM aMtima bhAgameM mAlUma hogI / 8 priToriyA jAte hue Darabana meM rahanevAle IsAI bhAratIyoMke saMparka meM bhI maiM turaMta A gayA / hAMkI pradAlata dubhASiyA zrI paoNla romana kaitholika the / unase paricaya kiyA aura proTesTeMTa mizanake zikSaka svargIya zrI subhAna gADake se bhI mulAkAta kI / "unhIMke putra jemsa gADake pichale sAla yahAMke dakSiNa kA bhAratIya pratinidhi

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adhyAya 8 : priToriyA jAte hue maMDalameM Aye the / inhIM dinoM svargIya pArasI rustamajIse jAna-pahacAna huI / aura isI samaya svargIya AdamajI miyAMkhAnase paricaya huaa| ye saba loga ApasameM binA kAma eka-dUsarese na milate the| aba isake bAda ve milne-jullge| isa taraha maiM paricaya bar3hA rahA thA ki isI bIca dUkAnake vakIlakA patra milA ki mukadamekI taiyArI honI cAhie tathA yA to abdullA seThako khuda priToriyA jAnA cAhie athavA dUsare kisIko vahAM bhejanA caahie| ......... yaha patra abdullA-seTane mujhe dikhAyA aura pUchA-- "Apa priToriyA jAyaMge?'' maiMne kahA-- "mujhe mAmalA samajhA dIjie to kaha skuu| abhI to maiM nahIM jAnatA ki vahAM kyA karanA hogaa|" unhoMne apane gumAztoMke. jimme mAmalA samajhAnekA kAma kiyaa| maine dekhA ki mujhe to a-prA-i-Ise zurUAta karanI hogii| jaMjIbArameM utarakara vahAMkI adAlateM dekhaneke lie gayA thaa| eka pArasI vakIla kisI gavAhakA bayAna le rahA thA aura jamA-nAmeke savAla pUcha rahA thaa| mujhe jamAnAmekI kucha khabara na par3atI thI, kyoMki bahIkhAtA na to skUla meM sIkhA thA aura na vilaaytmeN| __maiMne dekhA ki isa mukadamekA to dAromadAra bahIkhAtoMpara hai| jise bahIkhAtekA jJAna ho vahI mAmaleko samajha-samajhA sakatA hai / gumAztA jamAnAmekI bAteM karatA thA aura maiM cakkarameM par3atA calA jAtA thaa| maiM nahIM jAnatA thA ki pI. noTa kyA cIja hotI hai / koSameM yaha zabda nahIM miltaa| maiMne gumAztoMke sAmane apanA ajJAna prakaTa kiyA aura unase jAnA ki pI. noTakA artha hai prAmisarI noTa / aba maiMne bahIkhAtekI pustaka kharIdakara pddh'ii| taba jAkara "kacha Atma-vizvAsa huA aura mAmalA samajhameM aayaa| maiMne dekhA ki abdullA nAmA likhanA nahIM jAnate, para anubhava-jJAna unakA itanA bar3hA-car3hA thA ki gikI ulajhaneM caTapaTa sulajhAte jaate| aMtako maiMne unase kahA-- " maiM priToriyA kike lie taiyAra huuN|" dUna "Apa ThahareMge kahAM? " seThane pUchA / ... "jahAM Apa kheNge|" maiMne uttara diyA /

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"to maiM apane vakIlako licuuNgaa| vaha Apake ThaharanekA iMtajAma kara ge| priToriyAma mere memana mitra haiN| unheM bhI maiM likhUgA to, para ApakA nake yahAM ThaharanA ucita na hogaa| vahAM apane pratipakSIkI pahuMca bahuta hai| pApako meM jo khAnagI ciTThiyAM likhaMgA vaha yadi unameMse koI par3ha le to apanA tArA mAmalA bigar3a sakatA hai| unake sAtha jitanA kama saMbaMdha ho utanA hI pracchA / " maiMne kahA- "Apake vakIla jahAM ThaharAveMge vahIM tthhruuNgaa| athavA maiM koI dUsarA makAna le luuNgaa| Apa bephikra rahie, ApakI eka bhI khAnagI bAta rahara na jaaygii| para meM milatA-julatA sabase rhuuNgaa| maiM to dUsare pakSavAloMse mo mitratA karanA cAhatA huuN| yadi ho sakegA to maiM mAmaleko aApasameM bhI nipaTAne kI koziza karUMgA, kyoMki Akhira taiyada seTha haiM to Apake hI riztedAra na / " prativAdI svargIya seTha taiyaba hAjI khAnamuhammada abdullA seThake najadIkI riztedAra the| * maiMne dekhA merI isa bAtase abdullA seTha kucha cauMke ; para aba mujhe Darabana pahuMce cha:-sAta dina ho gaye the aura hama eka-dUsareko jAnane, samajhane bhI lage the| aba mai 'sapheda hAthI' prAyaH nahIM raha gayA thaa| vaha bole "hAM... A ... zrA, yadi samajhautA ho jAya to usase bar3hakara umdA bAta kyA ho sakatI? para hama to ApasameM riztedAra haiM, isalie eka-dUsareko acchI taraha jAnate haiN| taiyaba seTha prAsAnIse mAna lenevAle zakhsa nahIM haiN| ma yadi bhole-bhAle banakara raheM to vaha hamAre peTakI bAta nikAlakara pIchese sA mAreMge! aisI hAlatameM Apa jo kucha kareM bahuta soca-samajhakara hoziyArIse kreN|" "Apa bilakula ciMtA na kreN| mukadamekI bAta to taiyava peTha kyA kisIse bhI kyoM karane lamA ? para yadi donoM ApasameM samajha leM to seTha / ghara na bharane pdd'eNge|" sAtaveM yA AThaveM dina maiM Darabanase ravAnA huaa| mere lie pahale Ane TikaTa liyA gyaa| sonekI jagahake lie vahAM 5 ziliMgalA eka alahadA ... lenA par3atA thaa| abdullA seThane prAgrahake sAtha kahA ki sonekA TikaTa

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adhyAya 8 : priToriyA jAte hue 115 para maiMne kucha to hameM, kucha madameM, aura kucha 5 giliMga bacAnekI nIyatase inkAra kara diyA / abdullA seThane mujhe cetAyA-- "dekhanA yaha mulka aura hai, hiMdustAna nhiiN| khudAkI meharabAnI hai, Apa paise kA khyAla na karanA, apane ArAmakA saba iMtajAma kara lenA / ".. maiMne unheM dhanyavAda diyA aura kahA ki Apa merI citA na kIjie / neTAlakI rAjadhAnI meritsabarga meM Trena koI 9 baje phuNcii| yahAM sonevAloMko bichaune diye jAte the| eka relaveke naukarane Akara pUchA---" Apa bichaunA cAhate haiM !" maiMne kahA--" mere pAsa eka bichaunA hai|" vaha calA gyaa| isa bIca eka yAtrI aayaa| usane merI ora dekhaa| mujhe 'kAlA AdamI' dekhakara ckraayaa| bAhara gayA aura eka-do karmacAriyoMko lekara aayaa| kisIne mujhase kucha na kahA / aMtako eka aphasara aayaa| usane kahA--" calo, tumako dUsare Dibbe meM jAnA hogaa|" maiMne kahA--"para mere pAsa pahale darajekA TikaTa hai|" usane uttara diyA--" paravA nahIM, maiM tumase kahatA hUM ki tumheM AkhirI Dibbe meM baiThanA hogaa|" "maiM kahatA hUM ki maiM Darabanase isI DibbemeM biThAyA gayA hUM aura isImeM jAnA cAhatA huuN|" aphasara bolA- "yaha nahIM ho sktaa| tumheM utaranA hogA, nahIM to sipAhI Akara utAra. degaa|" maiMne kahA-- " to acchA, sipAhI Akara bhale hI mujhe utAre, maiM apaneApa na utruuNgaa|" sipAhI aayaa| usane hAtha pakar3A aura dhavakA mAra kara mujhe nIce girA diyaa| merA sAmAna nIce utAra liyaa| maiMne dUsare DibbemeM jAne se inkAra kiyaa| gAr3I cala dii| maiM veTiMga-rUmameM jA baitthaa| haiMDabega apane sAtha rvkhaa| dUsare sAmAnako maiMne hAtha na lgaayaa| relavevAloMne sAmAna kahIM rakhavA diyaa| mausama jAr3ekA thaaN| dakSiNa apharIkAmeM UMcI jagahoMpara bar3e jorakA

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 jAr3A par3atA hai| meritsabarga UMcAIpara thA---isase khUba jAr3A lgaa| merA provarakoTa mere sAmAnameM raha gayA thaa| sAmAna mAMganekI himmata na par3I ki kahIM phira beijjatI na ho| jAr3emeM sikur3atA aura ThiThuratA rhaa| kamaremeM rozanI na thii| AdhI rAtake samaya eka musAphira aayaa| aisA jAna par3A mAno vaha kucha vAta karanA cAhatA ho; para mere manakI hAlata aisI na thI ki bAteM karatA / __maiMne socA, merA kartavya kyA hai / yA to mujhe apane hakoMke lie lar3anA cAhie, yA vApasa lauTa jAnA cAhie / athavA jo beijjatI ho rahI hai, use bardAzta karake priToriyA pahuMcUM aura mukadamekA kAma khatama karake deza calA jaauuN| mukadameko adhUrA chor3akara bhAga jAnA to kAyaratA hogii| mujhapara jo-kucha bIta rahI hai vaha to UparI coTa hai--vaha to bhItarake mahArogakA eka bAhya lakSaNa hai / yaha mahAroga hai raMga-dveSa / yadi isa gaharI bImArIko ukhAr3a pheMkanekA sAmarthya ho to usakA upayoga karanA caahie| usake lie jo-kucha kaSTa aura duHkha sahana karanA par3e, sahanA cAhie / ina anyAyoMkA virodha usI hadataka karanA cAhie, jisa hadataka unakA saMbaMdha raMga-dveSa dUra karanese ho / aisA saMkalpa karake maiMne jisa taraha ho dUsarI gAr3Ise Age jAnekA nizcaya kiyA / subaha maiMne janarala mainejarako tAra-dvArA eka laMbI zikAyata likha bhejii| dAdA abdullAko bhI samAcAra bheje / abdullA seTha turaMta janarala mainejarase mile| janarala mainejarane apane AdamiyoMkA pakSa to liyA; para kahA ki maine sTezana.mAsTarako likha diyA hai ki gAMdhIko binA kharakhazA apane mukAmapara pahuMcA do| abdullA seThane meritsabargake hiMdU vyApAriyoMko bhI mujhase milane tathA merA prabaMdha karaneke lie tAra diye tathA dUsare sTezanoMpara bhI aise tAra de diye| isase vyApArI loga sTezanapara mujhase milane aaye| unhoMne apanepara honevAle anyAyoMkA jika mujhase kiyA aura kahA ki Apapara jo-kucha bItA hai vaha koI naI bAta nhiiN| pahale-dUsare darajemeM jo hiMdustAnI saphara karate haiM unheM kyA karmacArI aura kyA musAphira donoM satAte haiN| sArA dina inhIM bAtoMke sunane meM gyaa| rAta huI, gAr3I aaii| mere lie jagaha taiyAra thii| DarabanameM soneke lie jisa TikaTako lenese inkAra kiyA thA, vahIM meritsabarga meM liyaa| Trena mujhe cArlsaTAuna le clii|

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adhyAya : aura kaS 117 aura kaSTa cArlsaTAuna Trena subaha pahuMcatI hai / cArlsaTAunase johAnsabargataka pahuMcane ke lie usa samaya Trena na thI / ghor3AgAr3I thI aura bIca meM eka rAta sTaiMDaraTanameM rahanA par3atA thA / mere pAsa ghor3AgAr3IkA TikaTa thaa| mere eka dina pichar3a jAnese yaha TikaTa radda na hotA thA / phira abdullA seThane cArlsaTAunake ghor3AgAr3IvAleko tAra bhI de diyA thA / para use to bahAnA banAnA thA / isalie mujhe eka anajAna AdamI samajhakara usane kahA--'tumhArA TikaTa radda ho gayA hai / ' maiMne ucita uttara diyaa| yaha kahanekA ki TikaTa radda ho gayA hai, kAraNa to aura hI thA / musAphira saba ghor3AgAr3I ke aMdara baiThate haiM / para maiM samajhA jAtA thA 'kulI'; aura anajAna mAlUma hotA thA, isalie ghor3AgAr3IvAlekI yaha nIyata thI ki mujhe gore musAphiroMke sAtha na baiThAnA par3e to acchA / ghor3AgAr3I meM bAharakI tarapha, arthAt hAMkanevAle ke pAsa, dAyeM-bAyeM do baiThakeM thiiN| unameM se eka baiThaka para ghor3AgAr3I kaMpanIkA eka aphasara gorA baiThatA / vaha aMdara baiThA aura mujhe hAMkanevAleke pAsa baiThAyA / maiM samajha gayA ki yaha bilakula anyAya hai, apamAna hai / paraMtu maiMne ise pI jAnA ucita smjhaa| maiM jabaradastI to aMdara baiTha nahIM sakatA thA / yadi jhagar3A cher3a lUM to ghor3AgAr3I cala de aura phira mujhe eka dina dera ho, aura dUsare dinakA hAla paramAtmA hI jAne / isalie maiMne samajhadArI se kAma liyA aura bAhara hI baiTha gayA / manameM to bar3A khIjha rahA thA / koI tIna baje ghor3AgAr3I pAraDIkopa pahuMcI / usa vakta gore aphasarako merI jagaha baiThane kI icchA huI / use sigareTa pInA thA / zAyada khulI havA bhI khAnI ho / so usane eka mailA-sA borA hAMkanevAleke pAsase liyA aura paira rakhane ke takhtepara bichAkara mujhase kahA--" sAmI, tU yahAM baiTha, maiM hAMkane vAle pAsa baiThUMgA / " isa apamAnako sahana karanA mere sAmarthya ke bAhara thA, isalie maiMne Darate-Darate usase kahA--" tumane mujhe jo yahAM baiThAyA, so isa apamAnako to maiMne sahana kara liyA / merI jagaha to thI aMdara; para tumane aMdara baiThakara mujhe

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 yahAM baiThAyA; aba tumhArA dila bAhara baiThane ko huA, tumheM sigareTa pInA hai, isalie tuma mujhe apane pairoMke pAsa biThAnA cAhate ho / maiM cAhe aMdara calA jAUM; para tumhAre pairoMke pAsa baiThaneko taiyAra nahIM !" yaha maiM kisI taraha kaha hI rahA thA ki mujhapara thappar3oMkI varSA hone lagI aura mere hAtha pakar3akara vaha nIce khIMcane lgaa| maiMne baiThakake pAsa lage pItalake sIkhacoMko jorase pakar3e rakkhA, aura nizcaya kara liyA ki kalAI TUTa jAnepara bhI sIMkhace na chodduuNgaa| mujhapara jo-kucha bIta rahI thI, vaha aMdaravAle yAtrI dekha rahe the| vaha mujhe gAliyAM de rahA thA, khIMca rahA thA aura mAra bhI rahA thA; phira bhI maiM cupa thaa| vaha to thA balavAna aura maiM balahIna / kucha musAphiroMko dayA AI aura kisIne kahA--"ajI, becAreko vahAM baiThane kyoM nahIM dete? phijUla use kyoM pITate ho ? vaha ThIka to kahatA hai| vahAM nahIM to use hamAre pAsa aMdara baiThane do|" vaha bola uThA--" haragija nhiiN|" para jarA siTapiTA jarUra gyaa| pITanA chor3a diyA; merA hAtha bhI chor3a diyaa| hAM, do cAra gAliyAM alabattA aura de ddaalii| phira eka hATeMTATa naukarako, jo dUsarI tarapha baiThA thA, apane pAMvake pAsa baiThAyA aura Apa khuda bAhara baiThA / musAphira aMdara baitthe| sITI bajI aura ghoDAgAr3I clii| merI chAtI dhaka-dhaka kara rahI thii| mujhe bhaya thA ki maiM jIte-jI mukAma para pahuMca sakUgA yA nhiiN| gorA merI ora tyorI car3hAkara dekhatA rhtaa| aMgulIkA izArA karake bakatA rahA--'yAda rakha, sTaiMDaraTana to pahuMcane de, phira tujhe majA ckhaauuNgaa|' maiM cupa sAdhakara baiThA rahA aura Izvarase sahAyatAke lie prArthanA karatA rahA / rAta huii| sTaiMDaraTana phuNce| kitane hI hiMdustAniyoMke cehare dIkhe / kucha tasallI huii| nIce utarate hI hiMdustAniyoMne kahA--" hama Apako IsA seThakI dUkAnapara le jAne ke lie khar3e haiM / dAdA abdullAkA tAra AyA thaa|" mujhe bar3A harSa huaa| unake sAtha seTha IsA hAjI sumArakI dukAnapara gayA / seTha tathA unake gumAzte mere Asa-pAsa jamA ho gye| mujhapara jo-jo bItI, maiMne kaha sunaaii| sunakara unheM bar3A duHkha huaa| apane kar3ave anubhava sunA-sunAkara mujhe AzvAsana dene lge| maiM cAhatA thA ki proDAgAr3I-kaMpanIke ejeMTako apanI bItI sunA dU / maiMne unheM niTThI likhii| usa gorene jo dhamakI dI thI, so bhI

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adhyAya: aura kaSTa .119 likha dI aura maiMne yaha bhI AzvAsana cAhA ki kala mujhe dUsare yAtriyoMke sAtha aMdara viThAyA jaay| ejeMTane mujhe saMdezA bhejA-'sTaiMDaraTanase bar3I ghoDAgAr3I jAtI hai, aura hAMkanevAle AdikI badalI hotI hai| jisa zakhsakI zikAyata Apane kI hai, vaha kala usapara na rhegaa| Apako dUsare yAtriyoM ke sAtha hI jagaha milegii|' isa bAtase mujhe kucha rAhata milii| usa gorepara dAvA-pharyAda karanekI to merI icchA hI na thI, isalie vaha piTAIkA prakaraNa yahIM khatama ho gyaa| subaha IsA seuke AdamI mujhe ghoDAgAr3Ipara le gaye / acchI jagaha milii| vinA kisI dikkatake rAtako johAnsabarga pahuMcA / sTaiMDaraTana choTA-sA gAMva thaa| johAnsabarga bhArI zahara / vahAM bhI abdullA seThane tAra to de diyA thaa| mujhe muhammada kAsima kamaruddInakI dukAnakA patA-ThikAnA likha diyA thaa| unakA AdamI ghor3AgAr3Ike ThaharanekI jagaha to AyA thA; para na maiMne use dekhA, na vahI mujhe pahacAna skaa| maiMne hoTala meM jAnekA irAdA kiyaa| do-cAra hoTaloMke nAma-pate pUcha liye the| gADIko graiMDa nezanala hoTala meM le calane ke lie kahA / vahAM pahuMcate ho mainejara ke pAsa gyaa| jagaha maaNgii| mainejarane mujhe nIcese Uparataka dekhA / phira ziSTAcAra aura saujanyake sAtha kahA--"mune aphasoja hai, tamAma kamare bhare hue haiN|" aura mujhe bidA kiyaa| taba maiMne gAr3IvAlese kahA- "muhammada kAsima kamaruddInakI dukAnapara le clo|" vahAM to abdulaganI seTha merI rAha hI dekha rahe the| unhoMna merA svAgata kiyaa| maiMne hoTalameM bItI kaha sunAI / vaha ekabAragI haMsa pdd'e| "bhalA hoTalameM vaha hameM Thaharane deNge|" maiMne pUchA--" kyoM?" " yaha to Apa taba jAneMge, jaba kucha dina yahAM raha leNge| isa dezameM to hama hI raha sakate haiN| kyoMki hameM rupayA paidA karanA hai, isalie bahutere apamAna sahana karate haiM, aura par3e hue haiN|" yaha kahakara unhoMne TrAMsavAlameM honevAle kaSToM aura anyAyoMkA itihAsa kaha sunaayaa| ina abdulaganI seThakA paricaya hameM Age calakara adhika karanA pdd'egaa| unhoMne kahA--" yaha mulka Apake jaise logoMke lie nahIM hai| dekhie na, Apako kala priToniyA jAnA hai| usameM to Apako tIsare hI darajemeM jagaha milegii|

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 TrAMsavAlameM neTAlase jyAdA kaSTa hai| yahAM to hamAre logoMko dUsare aura pahale darajeke TikaTa bilakula dete hI nhiiN|" maiMne kahA-"Apa logoMne isake lie pUrI koziza na kI hogii|" abdulaganI seTha bole-"hamane likhA-par3hI to zurU kI hai| para hamAre bahutere loga to pahale-dUsare darajemeM baiThanekI icchA bhI kyoM karane lage ?" maiMne relaveke kAyade-kAnUna maMgAkara dekhe| unameM kucha guMjAiza dikhAI dii| TrAMsavAlake purAne kAnUna-kAyade bArIkIke sAtha nahIM banAye jAte the / phira relaveke kAnUnoMkA to pUchanA hI kyA ? maine seThase kahA-- " maiM to pharsTa klAsameM hI jaauuNgaa| aura yadi isa taraha na jA sakA to phira priToriyA yahAMse saiMtIsa hI mIla to hai / ghoDAgAr3I karake calA jaauuNgaa|" ___ abdulaganI seThane isa bAta kI ora merA dhyAna khIMcA ki usameM kitanA to kharca lagegA aura kitanA samaya jaaygaa| para aMtako unhoMne merI bAta mAna lI aura sTezana-mAsTarako ciTThI likhii| patrameM unhoMne likhA ki maiM bairisTara hUM; hamezA pahale daraje meM saphara karatA huuN| turaMta priToriyA pahuMcanekI ora unakA dhyAna dilAyA aura unheM likhA ki patrake uttarakI rAha dekhane ke lie samaya na raha jAyagA, ataeva maiM khuda hI sTezanapara isakA javAba lene AUMgA aura pahale darajekA TikaTa milanekI AzA rktuuNgaa| aisI ciTThI likhAne meM merI eka masalahata thii| maiMne socA ki likhita uttara sTezana mAsTara 'nA' hI de degaa| phira usako 'kulI 'bairisTarake rahana-sahanakI pUrI kalpanA na ho skegii| isalie yadi maiM solahoM AnA aMgrejI veza-bhUSAmeM usake sAmane jAkara khar3A ho jAUMgA aura usase bAta karUMgA to vaha samajha jAyagA aura mujhe TikaTa de degaa| isalie maiM phrAka koTa, nekaTAI ityAdi DATakara sTezana phuNcaa| sTezana mAsTara ke sAmane ginnI nikAlakara rakkhI aura pahale darajekA TikaTa mAMgA / usane kahA-"Apane hI vaha ciTThI likhI hai ?" - maiMne kahA--" jI hAM / maiM bar3A khuza hoUMgA, yadi Apa mujhe TikaTa de deNge| mujha aAja hI priToriyA pahuMca jAnA cAhie / " " sTezana mAsTara hNsaa| use dayA aaii| bolA--" meM TrAMsavAlara nahIM

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adhyAya 10 : priToriyAmeM pahalA dina 121 hUM, hAlaiMDara huuN| Apake manobhAvako samajha sakatA hU~ / Apake sAtha merI sahAnubhUti hai / maiM Apako TikaTa de denA cAhatA huuN| para eka zarta hai -- yadi rAstemeM Apako gArDa utAra de aura tIsare daraje meM biThA de to Apa mujhe dika na kareM, arthAt relavekaMpanIpara dAvA na kareM / maiM cAhatA hU~ ki ApakI yAtrA nirvighna samApta ho / maiM dekha rahA hUM ki Apa eka bhale AdamI haiM / " yaha kahakara usane TikaTa de diyA / maiMne use dhanyavAda diyA aura apanI taraphase nizcita kiyA / abdulaganI seTha pahuMcAne Aye the / isa kautukako dekhakara unheM harSa huA, Azcarya bhI huA; para mujhe cetAyA -- " priToriyA rAjI khuzI pahuMca gaye to samajhanA gaMgA-pAra hue / mujhe Dara hai ki gArDa Apako pahale daraje meM prArAmase na baiThane degA; aura usane baiThane diyA to musAphira na baiThane deMge / maiM pahale daraje ke Dibbe meM jA baiThA / Trena calI / jarmisTana pahuMcanepara gArDa TikaTa dekhane ke lie niklaa| mujhe dekhate hI jhallA uThA / aMgulIse izArA karake kahA -- " tIsare daraje meM jA baiTha / " maiMne apanA pahale darajekA TikaTa dikhAyA / usane kahA--" isakI paravA nahIM, calA jA tIsare daraje meM / " isa Dibbe meM sirpha eka aMgreja yAtrI thA / usane usa gArDako DAMTA- 44 " tuma inako kyoM satAte ho ? dekhate nahIM, inake pAsa pahale darajekA TikaTa hai ? mujhe inake baiThane se jarA bhI kaSTa nahIM / " yaha kahakara usane merI ora dekhA Apa to ArAma se baiThe rahie / " " aura kahA gArDa gunagunAyA -- 'tujhe kulIke pAsa baiThanA ho to baiTha, merA kyA bigar3atA hai ! ' aura calatA banA / rAtako koI 8 baje Trena priToriyA pahuMcI / 10 priToriyA meM pahalA dina maiMne AzA rakkhI thI ki priToriyA sTezanapara dAdA abdullA ke vakIlakI tarapha se koI-na-koI AdamI mujhe milegA / maiM yaha to jAnatA thA ki koI hiMdustAnI to mujhe livAne vegA nahIM; kyoMki kisI bhI bhAratIyake yahAM na ThaharanekA

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 abhivacana mane diyA thaa| vakIlane kisI bhI AdanIko sTezanapara nahIM bhejaa| pIche mujhe mAlUma huA ki jisa dina meM pahuMcA, ravivAra thaa| aura vaha vinA asuvidhA uThAye usa dina kisIko na bheja sakate the| maiM asamaMjasameM pdd'aa| kahAM jAUM? mujhe bhaya thA ki hoTalameM kahIM jagaha milanekI nhiiN| 1893kA priToriyA sTezana 1914ke priToriyA sTezanase bhinna thA / maMda-maMda battiyAM jala rahI thiiN| musAphira bhI bahuta na the| maiMne socA ki jaba saba yAtrI cale jAyaMge taba apanA TikaTa TikaTa-kalekTarako dUgA aura usase kisI mAmUlI hoTala athavA makAnakA patA pUcha lUMgA; anyathA sTezanapara hI par3akara rAta kATa duuNgaa| itanI pUchatAcha karaneko jI na hotA thA; kyoMki apamAnita honekA bhaya thaa| Akhira sTezana khAlI huaa| maiMne TikaTa kalekTarako TikaTa dekara pUcha-tAcha prAraMbha kii| usane vinaya-pUrvaka uttara diye| para maiMne dekhA ki usase adhika sahAyatA na mila sakatI thii| usake najadIka eka amerikana habazI khar3A thaa| vaha mujhase bAteM karane lagA--'mAlUma hotA hai, Apa bilakula anajAna haiM aura yahAM ApakA koI sAthI nahIM hai| Aie, mere sAtha calie, maiM Apako eka choTe-se hoTalameM le calatA huuN| usakA mAlika amerikana hai aura use meM acchI taraha jAnatA hUM / maiM samajhatA hUM vaha Apako jagaha de degaa|' mujhe kucha zaka to huA; para maiMne use dhanyavAda diyA aura usake sAtha jAnA svIkAra kiyaa| vaha mujhe jAnsTanake phemilI hoTalameM le gyaa| pahale usane mi0 jAnsTanako eka aora le jAkara kucha bAtacIta kii| mi0 jAnsTanane mujhe eka rAtake lie jagaha denA maMjUra kiyA--vaha bhI isa zartapara ki merA khAnA mere kamare meM pahuMcA diyA jaaygaa| "maiM Apako yakIna dilAtA hUM ki maiM to kAle-gorekA bhedabhAva nahIM rakhatA; para mere grAhaka saba gore loga hI haiN| yadi maiM Apako bhojanAlayameM hI bhojana karAUM to mere grAhakoMko Apatti hogI aura zAyada merI gAhakI TUTa jAya / " mi0 jAnsTanane kahA / / ___maiMne uttara diyA--" maiM to yaha bhI ApakA upakAra samajhatA hUM, jo Apane eka rAtake lie bhI rahanekA sthAna diyaa| isa dezakI hAlatase maiM kucha-kucha vAkipha ho gayA huuN| ApakI kaThinAI maiM samajha sakatA huuN| Apa mujhe khuzIse mere kamare meM khAnA bhijavA diijiegaa| kala to meM dUsarA prabaMdha kara lene kI prAzA

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adhyAya 10 : priToriyAmai pahalA dina karatA huuN|" ___ kamarA milaa| aMdara gyaa| ekAMta milate hI bhojanakI rAha dekhatA huA vicAroMmeM lIna ho gyaa| isa hoTalameM adhika musAphira nahIM rahate the| thor3I hI dera meM veTarako bhojana lAte hue dekhaneke bajAya mi0 jAnsTanako dekhaa| unhoMne kahA--" maiMne Apase yaha kahA to ki khAnA yahIM bhijavA dUMgA, para bAdako mujhe zarma mAlUma huI / isalie maiMne apane grAhakoMse aApake saMbaMdhameM bAtacIta kI aura unase pUchA to unhoMne kahA ki bhojanAlayameM Akara Apake bhojana karane meM hameM koI aitarAja nahIM hai| isalie Apa cAheM to bhojanazAlAmeM Akara bhojana kareM aura jabataka cAheM yahAM raheM / " / maiMne dubArA unakA upakAra mAnA, bhojanazAlAmeM khAne gayA aura ArAmase bhojana kiyA / dUsare dina subaha vakIlake yahAM gyaa| unakA nAma thA e0 DabalyU0 bekr| unase milaa| abdullA seThane unakA thor3A-bahuta paricaya de rakkhA thA, isalie unakI pahalI mulAkAtase mujhe kucha Azcarya na huaa| vaha mujhase bar3I acchI taraha mile aura mujhase apanA hAla-cAla pUchA, jo maiMne unheM batA diyaa| unhoMne kahA- "bairisTarakI haisiyatase to ApakA yahAM kucha bhI upayoga na ho skegaa| hamane acche-se-acche bairisTara isa mAmale meM kara liye haiN| mukadamA muddatataka calegA aura usameM kaI gutthiyAM haiN| isalie Apase to maiM itanA kAma le sakU~gA ki Avazyaka vAkaphiyata vagairA mujhe mila jAya / hAM, hamAre mavakkilase patravyavahAra karanA aba AsAna ho jaaygaa| aura jo bAteM mujhe jAnanI hoMgI ve Apake mArphata unase maMgAI jA sakeMgI, yaha lAbha jarUra hai| Apake lie makAna to maiMne abataka nahIM khojA hai| socA thA ki Apase mila leneke bAda hI khojanA ThIka hogaa| yahAM raMga-bheda jabaradasta hai| isalie ghara milanA AsAna bhI nahIM hai; paraMtu eka bAIko maiM jAnatA huuN| vaha garIba hai| bhaTiyArekI aurata hai| maiM samajhatA hUM, vaha Apako apane rahAM rahane degii| use bhI kucha mila jAyagA / calo vahIM cleN|" - yaha kahakara yaha mujhe vahAM le gaye / mi0 bekarane pahale bAI ke sAtha akele meM bAtacIta kii| usane mujhe apane yahAM TikAnA svIkAra kiyaa| 35 ziliMga

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 prati saptAha denA tthhraa| mi0 bekara vakIla aura sAtha hI kaTTara pAdarI bhI the| abhI vaha maujUda haiN| aba to sirpha pAdarIkA hI kAma karate haiM / vakAlata chor3a dI hai / khA-pIkara sukhI haiN| abataka mujhase ciTThI-patrI karate rahate haiM / ciTThI-patrIkA viSaya eka hI hotA hai| IsAI-dharmakI uttamatAkI carcA vaha bhinna-bhinna rUpameM apane patroMmeM kiyA karate haiM, aura yaha pratipAdana karate haiM ki IsAmasIhako IzvarakA ekamAtra putra tAranahAra mAne binA parama zAMti kabhI nahIM mila sakatI / hamArI pahalI hI mulAkAtameM mi0 bekarane dharma-saMbaMdhI merI manodazA jAna lii| maiMne unase kahA-- " janmataH maiM hiMdU hUM; para mujhe usa dharmakA vizeSa jJAna nhiiN| dUsare dharmokA jJAna bhI kama hai / maiM kahAM hUM, mujhe kyA mAnanA cAhie, yaha saba nahIM jaantaa| apane dharmakA gaharA adhyayana karanA cAhatA huuN| dUsare dharmoMkA bhI yathAzakti adhyayana karanekA vicAra hai / " yaha saba sunakara mi0 bekara prasanna hue aura mujhase kahA--"maiM khuda 'dakSiNa akikA janarala mizana'kA eka DAirekTara huuN| maiMne apane kharcase eka girajA banAyA hai| usameM maiM samaya-samayapara dharma-saMbaMdhI vyAkhyAna diyA karatA huuN| maiM raMga-bheda nahIM maantaa| mere sAtha aura loga bhI kAma karanevAle haiN| hamezA eka baje hama kucha samayake lie milate haiM aura AtmAkI zAMti tathA prakAza ( jJAnake udaya) ke lie prArthanA karate haiN| usameM Apa AyA kareMge to mujhe khuzI hogii| vahAM apane sAthiyoMkA bhI paricaya Apase kraauuNgaa| ve saba Apase milakara prasanna hoMge, aura mujhe vizvAsa hai ki Apako bhI unakA samAgama priya hogaa| Apako kucha dharma-pustakeM bhI maiM par3hane ke lie duugaa| paraMtu saccI pustaka to bAibila hI hai / maiM khAsa taurapara siphAriza karatA hUM ki Apa ise pddh'|" maine mi0 bekarako dhanyavAda diyA aura kahA ki jahAMtaka ho sakegA Apake maMDalameM eka baje prArthanAke lie AyA kruuNgaa| "to kala eka baje Apa yahIM AiegA, hama sAtha hI prArthanA-maMdira cleNge|" aura hama apane-apane sthAnoMko bidA hue| adhika vicAra karanekI phurasata mujhe na thii| misTara jAnsTanake pAsa gyaa| bila cukaayaa| naye ghara gayA aura

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adhyAya 11 : IsAiyoMse paricaya 125 vahIM bhojana kiyA / makAna mAlakina bhalImAnusa thI / usane mere lie annabhojana taiyAra kiyA thA / isa kuTuMba ke sAtha hilamila jAnemeM mujhe samaya na lagA / khA-pIkara meM dAdA abdullAke una mitrase milane gayA, jinake nAma unhoMne patra diyA thaa| unase paricaya kiyA / unase hiMdustAniyoMke kaSToMkA aura hAla mAlUma huA / unhoMne mujhe apane yahAM rahanekA Agraha kiyA / maiMne unako dhanyavAda diyA aura apane lie jo prabaMdha ho gayA thA usakA hAla sunAyA / unhoMne jora dekara mujhase kahA ki jisa kisI bAtakI jarUrata ho, mujhe khabara kiijiegaa| zAma huI / khAnA khAyA aura apane kamaremeM jAkara vicArake bhaMvarameM jA giraa| maiMne dekhA ki abhI hAla to mere lie koI kAma nahIM hai / abdullA seThako khabara kI / mi0 bekara jo mitratA bar3hA rahe haiM isakA kyA artha hai ? inake dharma-baMdhuke dvArA mujhe kitanA jJAna prApta hogA ? IsAI dharmakA adhyayana maiM kisa hadataka karUM ? hiMdU dharmakA sAhitya kahAMse prApta karUM ? use jAne binA IsAI dharmakA svarUpa maiM kaise samajha sakUMgA ? maiM eka hI nirNaya kara paayaa| jo cIja mere sAmane A jAya usakA adhyayana meM niSpakSa rahakara karUM aura bekarake samudAyako jisa samaya Izvara jo buddhi de vaha uttara de diyA karUM / jabataka meM apane dharmakA jJAna pUrA-pUrA na kara sakUM tabataka mujhe dUsare dharmako aMgIkAra karanekA vicAra na karanA cAhie / yaha vicAra karate-karate mujhe nIMda A gaI / 99 IsAiyoM se paricaya dUsare dina eka baje maiM mi0 bekarake prArthanA samAjameM gyaa| vahAM kumArI hairisa, kumArI geba, mi0 koTsa Adise paricaya huA / sabane ghuTane Tekakara prArthanA kii| maiMne bhI unakA anukaraNa kiyA / prArthanAmeM jisakA jo mana cAhatA, Izvarase maaNgtaa| dina zAMtike sAtha bIte, Izvara hamAre hRdayake dvAra kholo, ityAdi prArthanA hotI / usa dina mere lie bhI prArthanA kI gaI / ' hamAre sAtha jo yaha nayA bhAI AyA hai, use tU rAha dikhAnA / tUne jo zAMti hameM pradAna kI hai vaha ise bhI denA / jisa IsAmasIhane hameM mukta kiyA hai, vaha ise bhI mukta kare /

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126 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 yaha saba hama IsA mIhake nAmapara mAMgate haiN|' isa prArthanAmeM prajana-kIrtana na hote| kisI vizeSa bAtakI yAcanA Izvarase karake apane-apane ghara cale jAte / yaha samaya sabake dopahara ke bhojanakA hotA thA, isalie saba isa taraha prArthanA karake bhojana karane cale jAte / prArthanAmeM pAMca minaTa se adhika samaya na lagatA / kumArI hairisa aura kumArI gebakI avasthA praur3ha thI / mi0 koTsa kvekara ye / ye donoM mahilAyeM sAtha rhtiiN| unhoMne mujhe hara ravivArako 4 baje cAya ke lie apane yahAM grAmaMtrita kiyA / mi0 koTsa jaba milate taba hara ravivArako unheM maiM apanA sAptAhika dhArmika- rojanAmacA sunAtA / maiMne kauna-kauna-sI pustakeM par3hIM, unakA kyA asara mere dilapara huA, isakI carcA hotI / ye kumArikAyeM apane mIThe anubhava sunAtIM aura apaneko milI parama zAMti kI bAteM karatIM / mi0 koTsa eka zuddha bhAvavAle kaTTara yuvaka kvekara the| unase merA ghaniSTa saMbaMdha ho gyaa| hama bahuta bAra sAtha ghUmane bhI jAte / vaha mujhe dUsare bhAiyoMke yahAM le jAte / o koTsane mujhe kitAboM se lAda diyA / jyoM-jyoM vaha mujhe pahacAnate jAte tyoM-tyoM jo pustakeM unheM ThIka mAlUma hotIM, mujhe par3haneke lie dete| maiMne bhI kevala zraddhA vazIbhUta hokara unheM par3hanA maMjUra kiyaa| ina pustakoMpara hama carcA bhI karate / aisI pustakeM maiMne 1893 meM bahuta pddh'iiN| aba sabake nAma mujhe yAda nahIM rahe haiN| kucha ye thIM -- siTI TeMpalavAle DA0 pArakarakI TIkA, piyarsanakI 'menI inaphaoNlibala prUphsa', baTalara kRta ' enelAjI' ityAdi / kitanI hI bAteM samajha meM na pratIM, kitanI hI pasaMda prAtIM, kitanI hI na aatiiN| yaha saba meM koTsase kahatA / 'menI inaphaoNlibala prUphsa ke mAnI haiM ' bahutase dRr3ha pramANa', arthAt bAibala meM racayitAne jisa dharmakA anubhava kiyA usake pramANa / isa pustakakA asara mujhapara bilakula na huA / pArakarakI TIkA nItivarddhaka mAnI jA sakatI hai; paraMtu vaha una logoMkI sahAyatA nahIM kara sakatI jinheM IsAI dharmakI pracalita dhAraNAoMpara saMdeha hai / baTalarakI 'enelAjI' bahuta kliSTa aura gaMbhIra mAlUma huI / use pAMca-sAta bAra par3hanA caahie| vaha nAstika ko prAstika banAneke lie likhI gaI mAlUma huii| usameM Izvarake astitvako siddha karaneke lie jo yuktiyAM

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adhyAya 11 : IsAiyoMse paricava 127 dI gaI haiM, unase mujhe lAbha na huA; kyoMki yaha merI nAstikatAkA yuga na thA; aura jo yuktiyAM IsAmasIha ke advitIya avatAra ke saMbaMdha meM athavA usake manuSya aura Izvara ke bIca saMdhi-karttA honeke viSaya meM dI gaI thIM, unakI bhI chApa mere dilapara na par3I / paraM koTsa pIche haTane vAle AdamI na the| unake snehakI sImA na thI / unhoMne mere galemeM vaiSNava kaMThI dekhI / unheM yaha vahama mAlUma huA, aura dekhakara duHkha huA / " yaha graMtha vizvAsa tuma jaisoM ko zobhA nahIM detA / lAo tor3a dU~ / 'yaha kaMThI tor3I nahIM jA sktii| mAtAjIkI prasAdI hai / 46 " $8 "; para tumhArA isapara vizvAsa hai ? "1 11 'maiM isakA gUr3hArtha nahIM jAnatA / yaha bhI nahIM bhAsita hotA ki yadi ise na pahanUM to koI aniSTa ho jAyagA / paraMtu jo mAlA mujhe mAtAjIne premapUrvaka pahanAI hai, jise pahanAne meM usane merA zreya mAnA, use maiM binA prayojana nahIM nikAla sakatA | samaya pAkara jIrNa hokara jaba yaha apane zrApa TUTa jAyagI taba dUsarI maMgAkara pahananekA lobha mujhe na rahegA; para ise nahIM tor3a sakatA / koTsa merI isa dalIlakI kadra na kara sake; kyoMki unheM to mere dharmake prati hI anAsthA thI / vaha to mujhe ajJAna kUpase ubAranekI AzA rakhate the / vaha mujhe itanA batAnA cAhate the ki anya dharmomeM thor3A-bahuta satyAMza bhale hI ho; paraMtu pUrNa satya rUpa IsAI dharmako svIkAra kiye binA mokSa nahIM mila sakatA, aura IsAmasIha kI madhyasthatAke binA pApa-prakSAlana nahIM ho sakatA, tathA sAre puNya karma nirarthaka haiM / koTsane jisa prakAra pustakoM se paricaya karAyA usI prakAra una IsAiyoMse bhI karAyA, jinheM vaha kaTTara samajhate the| inameM eka plImatha bradarsakA bhI parivAra thA / 'plImatha bradaran' nAmaka eka IsAI - saMpradAya hai / koTsake karAye bahutere paricaya mujhe acche mAlUma hue| esA jAna par3A ki ve loga Izvara - bhIru the; paraMtu isa parivAravAloMne mere sAmane yaha dalIla peza kI--" hamAre dharmakI khUtrI hI tuma nahIM samajha sakate / tumhArI bAtoMse hama dekhate haiM ki tuma hamezA bAta-bAta meM apanI bhUloMkA vicAra karate ho, hamezA unheM sudhAranA par3atA hai, nasubareM to unake lie prAyazcitta karanA par3atA hai / isa kriyAkAMDase tumheM mukti

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128 Atma-kathA: bhAga 2 kaba mila sakatI hai ? tumako zAMti to mila hI nahIM sktii| hama pApI haiM, yaha to Apa kabUla hI karate haiN| aba dekho hamAre dharma-mantavyakI paripUrNatA / vaha kahatA hai manuSyakA prayatna vyartha hai| phira bhI use muktikI to jarUrata hai hii| aisI dazAmeM pApakA bojha usake sirase utaregA kisa taraha ? isakI tarakIba yaha ki hama usase IsAmasIha para Dho dete haiM; kyoMki vaha to IzvarakA ekamAtra niSpApa putra hai| usakA varadAna hai ki jo mujhe mAnatA hai vaha saba pApoMse chUTa jAtA hai / IzvarakI yaha agAdha udAratA hai| IsAmasIhakI isa mukti-yojanAko hamane svIkAra kiyA hai, isalie hamAre pApa hameM nahIM lgte| pApa to manuSyase hote hI haiN| isa jagat meM binA pApake koI kaise raha sakatA hai ? isalie IsAmasIhane sAre saMsArake pApoMkA prAyazcitta ekabAragI kara liyaa| usake isa balidAnapara jisakI zraddhA ho vahI zAMti prApta kara sakatA hai| kahAM tumhArI zAMti aura kahAM hamArI zAMti !" yaha dalIla mujhe bilakula na jNcii| maiMne namratA-pUrvaka uttara diyA"yadi sarvamAnya IsAI-dharma yahI ho, jaisAki Apane bayAna kiyA hai, to isameM merA kAma nahIM cala sktaa| maiM pApake pariNAmase mukti nahIM cAhatA, maiM to pApapravRttise, pApa-karmase mukti cAhatA huuN| jabataka vaha na milegI, merI azAMti mujhe priya lgegii|" plImatha bradarane uttara diyA-- "maiM tumako nizcayase kahatA hUM ki tumhArA yaha prayatna vyartha hai| merI bAtapara phirase vicAra karanA / " , aura ina mahAzayane jaisA kahA thA vaisA hI kara bhI dikhAyA---jAna bUjhakara burA kAma kara dikhAyA / paraMtu tamAma IsAiyoMkI mAnyatA aisI nahIM hotI, yaha bAta to maiM inase paricaya honeke pahale bhI jAna cukA thaa| koTsa khuda pApa-bhIra the| unakA hRdaya nirmala thA, vaha hRdaya-zuddhikI saMbhAvanApara vizvAsa rakhate the| ve bahaneM bhI isI vicArakI thiiN| jo-jo pustakeM mere hAtha pAIM unameM kitanI hI bhaktipUrNa thIM, isalie plImatha bradarsake paricayase koTsako jo ciMtA huI thI use maiMne dUra kara diyA aura unheM vizvAsa dilAyA ki plImatha bradarakI anucita dhAraNA ke AdhArapara maiM sAre IsAIdharmake khilApha apanI rAya na banA luuNgaa| merI kaThinAiyAM

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adhyAya 12 : bhAratIyoMse paricaya 126 no vAibila tathA usake mar3ha artha ke saMbaMdha meM thIM / bhAratIyoMse paricaya IsAiyoMke paricayoMke saMbaMdhameM aura adhika likhaneke pahale unhIM dinoM hae anya anubhavoMkA varNana karanA Avazyaka hai / . neTAlameM jo sthAna dAdA abdullAkA thA, vahIM priToriyA meM seTa taiyaba hAjI khAnamuhammadakA thaa| unake binA vahAM eka bhI sArvajanika kAma nahIM ho sakatA thaa| unase maiMne pahale hI saptAhameM paricaya kara liyaa| priToriyAke pratyeka bhAratIyake saMparka meM AnekA apanA vicAra maiMne unapara prakaTa kiyaa| bhAratIyoMkI sthitikA nirIkSaNa karanekI apanI icchA unapara pradarzita. karake isa kArya meM unakI sahAyatA maaNgii| unhoMne khuzIse sahAyatA denA svIkAra kiyA / pahalA kAma jo maiMne kiyA, vaha thA samasta bhAratIyoMkI eka sabhA karanA, jisameM unake sAmane vahAMkI sthitikA citra rakkhA jAya / seTha hAjI muhammada hAjI jusabake yahAM, jinake nAma mujhe paricaya-patra milA thA, sabhA kI gii| unameM pradhAnataH memana vyApArI zarIka hue the| kucha hiMdU bhI the| priToriyA meM hiMduoMkI AbAdI bahuta kama thii| jIvana meM merA yaha pahalA bhASaNa thaa| maiMne taiyArI ThIka kI thii| mujhe satya 'para bolanA thaa| vyApAriyoM ke muMhase meM sunatA AyA thA ki vyApAra meM saccAIse kAma nahIM cala sktaa| usa samaya maiM yaha bAta nahIM mAnatA thaa| Aja bhI nahIM mAnatA huuN| vyApAra aura satya donoM ekasAtha nahIM cala sakate, aisA kahanevAle vyApArI mitra Aja bhI maujUda haiN| ve vyApArako vyavahAra kahate haiM, satyako dharma kahate haiM aura yukti peza karate haiM ki vyavahAra eka cIja hai aura dharma dUsarI / vyavahArameM zuddha satyase kAma nahIM cala sakatA / ve mAnate haiM ki usameM to yathAzakti hI satya bolA aura baratA jA sakatA hai| maiMne apane bhASaNameM isa bAtakA prabala virodha kiyA aura vyApAriyoMko unake duhare karttavyakA smaraNa dilaayaa| maiMne kahA-" videzameM Ane ke kAraNa ApakI javAbadehI dezase adhika

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 130 bar3a gaI hai; kyoMki muTThI bhara hiMdustAniyoMke rahana-sahana se loga karor3oM bhAratavAsiyoMkA aMdAjA lagAte haiM / maine dekha liyA thA ki aMgrejoMke rahana-sahAke mukAbalemeM hiMdustAnI gaMde rahate haiM aura unako maiMne yaha truTi dikhAI hiMdU, musalamAna, pArasI, IsAI athavA gujarAtI, madarAsI, paMjAbI, siMdhI, kacchI, sUratI ityAdi bhedoMko bhulA dene para jora diyaa| aura aMtako yaha sUcita kiyA ki eka maMDalakI sthApanA karake bhAratIyoMke kaSToM aura duHkhoM kA ilAja adhikAriyoMse milakara, prArthanA-patra Adike dvArA, karanA caahie| aura apanI tarapha se yaha kahA ki isake lie mujhe jitanA samaya mila sakegA binA vetana detA rahUMgA / maiMne dekhA ki sabhApara isakA acchA asara huA / carcA huii| kitanoMne hI kahA ki hama hakIkateM lA- lAkara deMge / mujhe himmata AI / maiMne dekhA ki sabhAmeM aMgrejI jAnanevAle kama the| mujhe lagA ki aise pradeza meM yadi aMgrejIkA jJAna adhika ho to acchA, isalie maiMne kahA ki jinheM ho unheM aMgrejI sIkha lenI caahie| bar3I umra meM bhI cAheM to par3ha sakate haiM, yaha kahakara una logoMkI misAleM dIM jinhoMne praur3hAvasthA meM par3hA thA | kahA ki yadi kucha loga yA eka varga jitane loga par3hanA cAheM to maiM par3hAneko taiyAra hUM / varga to nikalA paraMtu tIna zakhsa apanI suvidhAse va unake ghara jAkara par3hAUM to par3haneke lie taiyAra hue| inameM do musalamAna the, eka nAI thA aura eka thA kArakuna / eka hiMdU choTA-sA dukAnadAra thaa| maiM sabakI suvidhAke anukUla huA | M par3hAne kI yogyatA aura kSamatAke saMbaMdha meM to mujhe avizvAsa thA hI nahIM / mere ziSya bhale hI thaka gaye hoM; para maiM na thakA / kabhI unake ghara jAtA to unheM phurasata nahIM rahatI / maiMne dhIraja na chodd'aa| kisIko aMgrejIkA paMDita to honA ho na thA; paraMtu do vidyArthiyoMne koI ATha mAsameM acchI pragati kara lii| donoMne bahIkhAtekA tathA ciTThIpatrI likhanekA jJAna prApta kara liyA / nAIko to itanA hI par3hanA thA ki vaha apane grAhakoMse bAtacIta kara sake / do AdamI isa par3hAIkI badaulata ThIka kamAnekA bhI sAmarthya prApta kara sake / sabhA ke pariNAmase mujhe saMtoSa huaa| aisI sabhA hara mAsa athavA hara

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adhyAya 13 : kulIpanakA anubhava saptAha karanekA nizcaya huA / nyUnAdhika niyamita rUpameM yaha sabhA hotI tathA vicAra-vinimaya hotaa| isake phalasvarUpa priToriyAmeM zAyada hI koI aisA bhAratavAsI hogA, jise maiM pahacAnatA na hoU yA jisakI sthitise vAkipha na houu| bhAratIyoMkI sthitikI aisI jAnakArI prApta kara lenekA pariNAma yaha huA ki mujhe priToriyA-sthita briTiza ejeMTase paricaya karanekI icchA huii| maiM mi0 jekobsa DiveTase milA / unake manobhAva hiMdustAniyoMkI aora the| para unakI pahuMca kama thii| phira bhI unhoMne bharasaka sahAyatA karanekA AzvAsana diyA aura kahA---" jaba jarUrata ho to mila liyA kro|" relave adhikAriyoMse likhA-par3hI kI aura unheM dikhAyA ki unhIMke kAyadoMke anusAra hiMdustAniyoMkI yAtrA meM roka-Toka nahIM ho sktii| usake uttarameM yaha patra milA ki sApha-suthare aura acche kapar3e pahananevAle bhAratavAsiyoMko Upara darajeke TikaTa diye jaayNge| isase pUrI suvidhA to na huI; kyoMki acche kapar3oMkA nirNaya to Akhira sTezanamAsTara hI karatA na ? briTiza ejeMTane mujhe hiMdustAniyoMse saMbaMdha rakhanevAlI ciTThiyAM dikhaaiiN| taiyada seThane bhI aine patra diye| unase maiMne jAnA ki pAreMja phI sTeTase hiMdustAniyoMke paira kisa prakAra nirdayatAse ukhAr3e gaye / saMkSepameM kahUM to priToriyAmeM maiM bhAratavAsiyoMkI Arthika, sAmAjika aura rAjanaitika sthitikA gaharA adhyayana kara skaa| mujhe isa samaya yaha bilakula patA na thA ki yaha adhyayana Age calakara bar3A kAma AvegA; kyoMki maiM to eka sAla bAda athavA mAmalA jaldI taya ho jAya to usake pahale deza calA jAnevAlA thA / para Izvarane kucha aura hI socA thA / kulIpanakA anubhava TrAMsavAla tathA AreMja phrI sTeTake bhAratIyoMkI dazAkA pUrA citra denekA yaha sthAna nahIM / unake lie pAThakoMko ' dakSiNa aphrikAke satyAgrahakA itihAsa' par3hanA cAhie; paraMtu usakI rUpa-rekhA yahAM de denA Avazyaka hai /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 -... AreMja phrI sTeTameM 1882 IsvI meM athavA usake pahale eka kAnUna banAkara bhAratIyoMke tamAma adhikAra chIna liye gaye the| sirpha hoTalameM 'veTara' banakara rahanekI AjAdI bhAratIyoMko raha gaI thii| jo bhAratIya vyApArI vahAM the unheM nAma-mAtrake lie muAvajA dekara vahAMse haTA diyA gyaa| unhoMne prArthanA-patra ityAdi to bheje-bhijAye; para nakkArakhAne meM tUtIkI AvAja kauna sunatA ! TrAMsavAlameM 1885meM sakhta kAnUna bnaa| 1886meM usameM kucha sudhAra huA, jisake phalasvarUpa yaha niyama banA ki tamAma hiMdustAnI praveza-phIsake taurapara 3 pauMDa de| jamInakI mAlikI bhI unheM unhIM jagahoMmeM mila sakatI hai, jo unake lie khAsa taurapara batAI jaayN| para vAstavameM to kisIko mAlikI milI na thI; aura matAdhikAra bhI kisIko kucha na thaa| ye to kAnana aise the, jinakA saMbaMdha eziyAvAsiyoMse thA; paraMtu jo kAnUna zyAmavarNake logoMke lie the ve bhI eziyAvAsiyoMpara lAgU hote the| usake anusAra bhAratavAsI phuTapAthapara adhikAra-pUrvaka na cala sakate the, rAtako nau bajeke bAda binA paravAne ke bAhara na nikala sakate the| isa aMtima kAnUnakA amala bhAratavAsiyoMpara kahIM kama hotA, kahIM jyAdA / jo araba kahalAte the, usapara bataura meharabAnIke yaha kAnUna lAgU na bhI kiyA jAtA; para yaha bAta thI pulisakI marajIpara avalaMbita / aba mujhe yaha dekhanA thA ki ina donoM kAnUnoMkA amala khuda mere sAtha kisa taraha hotA hai| mi0 koTsake sAtha maiM bahuta bAra ghUmaneke lie jaataa| ghara pahuMcate kabhI dasa bhI baja jAte / aisI avasthAmeM yaha AzaMkA rahA karatI ki kahIM mujhe pulisa pakar3a na le| para merI apekSA yaha bhaya koTsako adhika thA; kyoMki apane habaziyoMko to paravAne vahI dete the| para mujhe kaise de sakate the ? mAlikako paravAnA denekA adhikAra sirpha naukarake hI lie thaa| yadi maiM lenA bAhUM aura koTsa deneko taiyAra hoM to bhI vaha nahIM de sakate the; kyoMki aisA karanA dagA samajhA jAtA / isa kAraNa mujhe koTsa athavA unake koI mitra vahAMke sarakArI vakIla DA0 krAujeke pAsa le gaye / hama donoM eka hI 'ina' ke bairisTara nikle| yaha bAta ki mujhe nau bajeke bAda rAtako paravAnA lenekI jarUrata hai, unheM bar3I nAgavAra mAlUma huii| unhoMne mere sAtha samavedanA pradarzita kii| mujhe paravAnA

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adhyAya 13:kulopanako anubhava dene ke badale apanI taraphase eka patra de diyaa| usakA Azaya yaha thA ki maiM kahIM bhI kisI samaya calA jAUM to pulisa mujhe roka-Toka na kare / hamezA maiM isa patrako apane sAtha rkhtaa| usakA upayoga to kisI dina bhI na karanA par3A; para ise eka daiva-yoga hI samajhanA caahie| DA0 krAujene mujhe apane ghara calanekA nimaMtraNa diyaa| hama donoMmeM khAsI mitratA-sI ho gii| kabhI-kabhI maiM unake ghara jAne lgaa| unake dvArA unake adhika prakhyAta bhAIse merA paricaya huaa| vaha johAMsabargameM pablika prAsIkyUTara the| unapara boara-yuddha ke samaya aMgreja adhikArIkA khUna karanekI sAjizakA abhiyoga lagAyA gayA thA aura unheM sAta sAla kaidakI sajA bhI milI thii| beMcaroMne unakI sanada bhI chIna lI thii| lar3AI khatama hone ke bAda, DA0 . krAuje jelase chUTe, aura phira sammAna-sahita TrAMsavAlakI adAlatameM vakAlata karane lge| ina paricayoMse mujhe bAdako sArvajanika kAryoMmeM khAsA lAbha milA aura merA kitanA hI sArvajanika kAma bahuta sugama ho gayA / .. phuTapAthapara calanekA prazna jarA mere lie gaMbhIra pariNAmabAlA sAbita huaa| maiM hamezA presIDeMTa-sTrITameM hokara eka khule maidAnameM ghUmane jaataa| isa mahalle meM presIDeMTa RgarakA ghara thaa| isa gharameM ADaMbarakA nAma-nizAna na thaa| usake Asa-pAsa kaMpAuMDa taka na thaa| dUsare par3ausI gharoMmeM aura isameM kucha pharka na mAlUma detA thaa| kitane hI lakhapatiyoMke ghara, priToriyAmeM, isa gharase bhArI AlIzAna aura cahAradIvArIvAle the| presIDeMTakI sAdagI prakhyAta thii| yaha ghara kisI rAjyAdhikArIkA hai, isakA aMdAja sirpha usa saMtarIko dekhakara ho sakatA thA, jo usake sAmane TahalatA rhtaa| maiM isa saMtarIke najadIkase hI roja nikalA karatA, paraMtu saMtarI mujhe roka-Toka nahIM karatA thaa| unakI badalI hotI rhtii| eka bAra eka saMtarIne, binA citAye, binA yaha kahe ki phuTapAthase utara jAo, mujhe dhakkA mAra diyA, lAta jamA dI aura phuTapAthase utAra diyaa| maiM to bhauMcakkA raha gyaa| jyoMhI maiM saMtarIse lAta jamAnekA kAraNa pUchatA hUM ki koTsane, jo ghor3epara savAra hokara usa samaya usI rAstese jA rahe the, Akara kahA-- "gAMdhI, maiMne yaha saba dekha liyA hai| tuma yadi mukadamA calAnA cAho to maiM gavAhI duuNgaa| mujhe bahuta aphasosa hotA hai ki tumapara isa prakArakA hamalA

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huaa|" maiMne kahA----" isameM aphasosa kI bAta hI kyA hai, saMtarI becArA kyA pahacAnatA ? usake najadIka to kAle-kAle saba barAbara / habaziyoMko phuTapAthase isI taraha utAratA hogaa| isalie mujhe bhI dhakkA mAra diyaa| maiMne to apanA yaha niyama hI banA liyA hai ki mere jAta khAsapara jo bhI kucha bIte, usake lie kabhI adAlata na jAUM; isalie mujhe ise adAlatameM nahIM le jAnA hai|" "yaha to tumane apane svabhAvake anusAra hI kahA hai; para aura bhI vicAra kara dekhanA / aise AdamI ko kucha sabaka to jarUra sikhAnA caahie|" yaha kahakara unhoMne usa saMtarIko do-cAra bAteM khiiN| maiM sArI bAta na samajha skaa| saMtarI Daca thA aura ica bhASAmeM usake sAtha bAta-cIta huI thii| saMtarIne mujhase mAphI mAMgI, maiM to apane mana meM use mAphI pahale hI de cukA thaa| para usake bAdase maiMne usa rAste jAnA chor3a diyaa| dUsare saMtarI isa ghaTanAko kyA jAnate ? maiM apane-Apa lAta khAne kyoM jAUM ? isalie maiMne dUsare rAste hokara ghUmane jAnA pasaMda kiyaa| isa ghaTanAne vahAMke hiMdustAnI nivAsiyoMke prati mere manobhAva aura bhI tIna kara diye / uname maiMne do bAtoMkI carcA kii| eka to yaha ki ina kAnUnoMke lie briTiza ejeMTase bAta kara lI jAya, aura dUsarI bAta yaha ki maukA par3anepara bataura namUneke eka mukadamA calAyA jAya / isa prakAra maiMne bhAratavAsiyoMke kaSToMko par3hakara, sunakara tathA anubhava karake adhyayana kiyaa| maiMne dekhA ki Atma-sammAnakI rakSA cAhanevAle bhAratavAsIke lie, dakSiNa aphrikA anukUla nhiiN| yaha dazA kaise badalI jA sakatI hai| isIke vicArameM merA mana dina-dina vyagna rahane lagA; para abhI to merA mukhya dharma thA dAdA abdullAke mukadameko samhAlanA / mukadamekI taiyArI priToriyAmeM mujhe jo eka varSa milA, vaha mere jIvana meM amUlya thaa| sArvajanika kAma karanekI apanI zaktikA kucha aMdAja mujhe yahAM huA, sArvajanika sevAko sIkhanekA avasara milA / dhArmika bhAvanA tIvra hone lgii| aura saccI

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adhyAya 14 : mukadameko saiyArI bakAlata bhI, kahanA cAhie, maiMne yahI siikhii| nayA bairisTara purAne bairisTarake dastarameM rahakara jo sIkhatA hai vaha maiM yahAM sIkha skaa| yahAM mujhe isa bAtapara vizvAsa huA ki eka vakIlakI haisiyatase maiM bilakula ayogya na rhuuNgaa| vakIla honekI kuMjI bhI mere hAtha yahIM prAkara lgii| dAdA abdullAkA mAmalA choTA na thaa| dAvA 40,000 pauMDa arthAt 6 lAkha rupayekA thaa| yaha vyApArake silasilemeM thA aura usameM jamA-nAmekI bahuterI gutthiyAM thiiN| usake kucha aMzakA AdhAra thA prAmisarI noToMpara aura kuchakA thA noTa deneke vacanakA pAlana karanepara / saphAImeM yaha kahA jAtA thA ki prAmisarI noTa jAlasAjI karake liye gaye the aura pUrA muAvajA nahIM milA thaa| isameM hakIkatakI tathA kAnUnI guMjAizeM bahuterI thiiN| bahI-khAtekI ulajhaneM bahuta thiiN| donoM orase acche-se-acche sAlisiTara aura bairisTara khar3e hue the| isa kAraNa mujhe ina donoMke kAmakA anubhava prApta karanekA bar3hiyA avasara hAtha pAyA / muddaIkA mAmalA sAlisiTarake lie taiyAra karanekA tathA hakIkatoMko DhUMDanekA sArA bojha mujhIpara thaa| isase mujhe yaha dekhanekA avasara milatA thA ki mere taiyAra kiye kAmameMse sAlisiTara apane kAmameM kitanI bAteM lete haiM aura sAlisiTaroMke taiyAra kiye mAmalemeMse bairisTara kitanI bAtoMko kAmameM lete haiN| maiM samajha gayA ki isa mAmaleko taiyAra karane meM mujhe grahaNa-zakti aura vyavasthAzaktikA ThIka aMdAjA ho jAyagA / / maiMne mukadamA taiyAra karane meM pUrI-pUrI dilacaspI lii| maiM usameM lavalIna ho gyaa| Age-pIcheke tamAma kAgaja-patroMko par3ha ddaalaa| mavavikalake vizvAsa aura hoziyArIkI sImA na thii| isase merA kAma bar3A sarala ho gyaa| maiMne bahI-khAtoMkA sUkSma adhyayana kara liyaa| gujarAtI kAgajapatra bahatere the| unake anuvAda bhI maiM karatA thaa| isase ulthA karanekI kSamatA bhI bddh'ii| . maiMne khUba udyogase kAma liyaa| yadyapi jaisA ki maiM Upara likha cukA hUM dhAmika carcA AdimeM tathA sArvajanika kAmoMmeM merA dila khUba lagatA thA, unake lie samaya bhI detA thA, tathApi isa samaya ye bAteM gauNa thiiN| mukadamekI taiyArI ko hI meM pradhAnatA detA thaa| usake lie kAnUna vagairA dekhanekA athavA dUsarA

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kucha par3hanA hotA to use meM pahale kara letaa| isake phalasvarUpa mAmalekI asalI bAtoMkA mujhe itanA jJAna ho gayA ki khuda muddaI-muddAleko bhI zAyada na ho; kyoMki mere pAsa to donoMke kAgajAta the / mujhe svargIya mi0 piMkaTake zabda yAda aaye| unakA samarthana bAdako dakSiNa aphrikAke suprasiddha bairisTara svargIya mi0 lainarDane eka avasarapara kiyA thaa| 'hakIkata tIna-cauthAI kAnUna hai'--yaha mi0 piMkaTakA vAkya thA / eka mAmale meM maiM jAnatA thA ki nyAya sarvathA mere mavakkilake pakSameM thA; paraMtu kAnUna usake khilApha jAtA huA dikhAI pdd'aa| maiM nirAza hokara mi0 lainarDane se sahAyatA lene ke lie daudd'aa| unheM bhI hakIkatoMke AdhArapara mAmalA majabUta mAlUma huA / vaha bola uThe, " gAMdhI, maiMne eka bAta sIkhI hai| yadi hakIkatoMkA jJAna hameM pUrA-pUrA ho, kAnUna apane-Apa hamAre anukUla ho jaaygaa| so hama isa mAmale kI hakIkatako dekheM / " yaha kahakara unhoMne sujhAyA ki eka bAra aura hakIkatoMkA khUba manana kara lo aura mujhase milo|' usI hakIkatakI phira chAnabIna karate hue, usakA manana karate hue, mujhe vaha dUsarI taraha dikhAI dI aura usase saMbaMdha rakhanevAlA dakSiNa aphrikAmeM huA eka purAnA mAmalA bhI hAtha laga gyaa| mAre khuzIke maiM mi0 lenaIke yahAM phuNcaa| vaha khuza ho uThe aura bole--- "basa, aba hama isa mAmaleko jIta leNge| beMcapara kauna-me jaja hoMge, yaha jarA dhyAnameM rakhanA hogA / " jaba dAdA abdullAke mAmalekI taiyArI kara rahA thA taba hakIkataMkI mahimA maiM isa darajetaka na samajha sakA thaa| hakIkatake mAnI haiM satya bAta; satya bAtapara prArUr3ha rahane se kAnUna apane-Apa hamArI sahAyatAke lie anukUla ho jAtA hai / .. maiMne aMtako dekha liyA thA ki mere mavakkilakA pakSa bahuta majabUta hai / kAnUnako usakI madadake lie AnA hI par3egA / para sAtha hI maiMne yaha bhI dekhA ki mAmalA lar3ate-lar3ate donoM riztedAra, eka hI zaharake rahanevAle, barabAda ho jaayNge| mAmalekA aMta kyA hogA, yaha kisIko khabara na ho sakatI thii| adAlatameM to mAmalA jahAMtaka jI cAhe laMbA kiyA jA sakatA hai| laMbA karanese do se kisIko lAbha na thaa| isa kAraNa donoM

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adhyAyaM 14 : mukadamekI taiyArI pakSavAloMkI icchA jarUra thI ki mAmalA jaldI taya ho jAya to acchA / maiMne taiyaba seThase anurodha kiyA aura ApasameM nipaTArA kara lenekI salAha dii| maiMne kahA ki Apa apane vakIlase milie| donoMke vizvAsapAtra paMcako yadi ye niyukta karadeM to mAmalA jaldI taya ho sakatA hai| vakIloMke kharcakA bojhA itanA car3ha rahA thA ki usameM bar3e-bar3e vyApArI bhI khapa jaayN| donoM itanI citAse mukadamA lar3a rahe the ki koI bhI bephikrIse dUsarA koI kAma na kara pAte the; aura donoMmeM manamuTAva jo bar3hatA jAtA thA so alaga hii| yaha dekhakara mere manameM vakAlatapara ghRNA utpanna huii| vakIlakA to yaha kAma hI ThaharA ki ekadUsareko jitAnekI kAnUnI guMjAizeM hI khoja-khojakara nikAlate raheM / jItanebAleko sArA kharca kabhI nahIM milatA, yaha bAta maiMne isa mAmalemeM pahalepahala jaanii| vakIla mavakkilase eka phIsa letA hai; aura mavakkilako prativAdIse dUsarI rakama milatI hai| donoM rakameM judA-judA hotI haiN| mujhe yaha saba bar3A nAgavAraM gujraa| merI aMtarAtmAne kahA ki isa samaya merA dharma hai donoMmeM mitratA karA denA, donoM riztedAroMmeM milApa karA denaa| maiMne samajhauteke lie jI tor3akara mihanata kii| taiyaba seThane bAta mAna lii| aMtako paMca mukarrara hue aura mukadamA claa| usameM dAdA abdullAkI jIta huI / para mujhe itanese saMtoSa na huaa| yadi paMcake phaisalekA amala ekabAragI ho to taiyaba hAjI khAna muhammada itanA rupayA ekAeka na de sakate the| dakSiNa aphrikA-sthita porabaMdarake memana vyApAriyomeM eka ApasakA alikhita kAyadA thA ki khuda cAhe mara jAye, para divAlA na nikaaleN| taiyava seTha 37,000 pauMDa aura kharca ekamuzta nahIM de sakate the| phira vaha eka pAI kama na denA cAhate the / divAlA bhI nahIM nikAlanA thaa| aisI dazAmeM eka hI rAstA thA--dAdA abdullA unheM adAyagIke lie kAphI miyAda deN| dAdA abdullAne udAratAse kAma liyA aura laMbI miyAda de dii| paMca mukarrara karane meM jitanA zrama mujhe huA usase kahIM adhika laMbI kista karAnemeM huaa| aMtako donoM pakSa khuza rhe| donoMkI pratiSThA bddh'ii| mere saMtoSakI to sImA na rhii| maiMne saccI vakAlata karanA sIkhA; manuSyake guNa---ujjvala pakSako khojanA sIkhA; manuSyake hRdayameM praveza karanA siikhaa| maiMne dekhA ki vakIlakA kartavya hai, pharIkanameM par3I khAIko pATa denaa|

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17 : bhA~ga re yaha zikSA mere hRdayameM itane jorake sAtha aMkita ho gaI ki apane bIsa sAlake vakIla-jIvanameM adhika samaya merA saikar3oM pharIkainameM samajhautA karAnemeM bItA / isameM maiMne vAyA kucha nahIM / dhana khoyA ho, yaha bhI gaMnahIM kaha sakate; aura AtmAko to kisI taraha nahIM khoyA / 136 15 dhArmika maMthana aba phira IsAI - mitroMke saMparkapara vicAra karanekA samaya AyA hai / mere bhaviSya ke saMbaMdha meM mi0 bekarakI ciMtA dina-dina bar3hatI jA rahI thii| vaha mujhe veliMgTana kanveMzana meM le gaye / proTesTeMTa IsAiyoMmeM, kucha-kucha varSoM bAda, dharma jAgRti athAt Atma zuddhike lie vizeSa prayatna kiye jAte haiM / ise dharmakI punaHpratiSThA athavA dharmakA punaruddhAra kahA karate haiN| aisA eka sammelana veliMgTanameM thA / usake sabhApati vahAMke prakhyAta dharmaniSTha pAdarI revaraMDa eMDra mare the / mi0 karako aisI AzA thI ki isa sammelanameM honevAlI jAgRti, vahAM AnevAle logoMkA dhArmika utsAha, unakA zuddhabhAva, mujhapara aisA gaharA asara DAlegA ki maiM IsAI hue binA na raha sakUMgA / I paraMtu mi0 bekarakA aMtima AdhAra thA prArthanA - bala / prArthanApara unakI bhArI zraddhA thI / unakA vizvAsa thA ki aMtaHkAraNa - pUrvaka kI gaI prArthanAko Izvara avazya sunatA hai / vaha kahate, 'prArthanAke hI balapara mulara ( eka vikhyAta bhAvuka IsAI ) jaise logoMkA kAma calatA hai / ' prArthanAkI yaha mahimA maiMne taTastha bhAvase sunI / maiMne unase kahA ki yadi merI aMtarAtmA pukAra uThe ki mujhe IsAI ho jAnA cAhie to duniyAkI koI zakti mujhe roka nahIM sktii| aMtarAtmAkI pukAra ke anusAra calane kI Adata maiM kitane hI varSoMse DAla cukA thA / aMtarAtmAke adhIna hote hue mujhe zrAnaMda zrAtA / usake viparIta AcaraNa karanA mujhe kaThina aura dukhadAI mAlUma hotA thA / hama veliMgTana gaye / mujha 'zyAma sAthI' ko sAtha rakhanA mi0 bekarake lie bhArI par3A / kaI bAra unheM mere kAraNa prasuvidhA bhoganI pdd'tii| rAste meM

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adhyAya 15 : dhArmika maM 138 hameM kAma karanA par3A thA; kyoMki mi0 brekarakA saMgha ravivArako saphara na karatA thA aura bIcameM ravivAra par3a gayA thA / bIcameM tathA sTezanapara mujhe hoTalavAlene hoTala meM Thaharanese tathA cakha cakha honeke bAda Thaharanepara bhI bhojanAlaya meM bhojana karane dene se inkAra kara diyA; para mi0 bekara AsAnI se hAra mAnanevAle na the / vaha hoTala meM ThaharanevAloMke hakapara ar3e rahe; paraMtu maiMne unakI kaThinAiyoMkA anubhava kiyA / veliMgTana meM bhI maiM unake pAsa hI ThaharA thaa| vahAM unheM choTI-choTI-sI bAtoM meM asuvidhA hotI thI / vaha unheM DhAMkanekA zubha prayatna karate the; phira bhI ve mere dhyAnameM A jAyA karatI thIM / sammelana meM bhAvuka IsAiyoMkA acchA sammilana huaa| unakI zraddhA dekhakara mujhe AnaMda huaa| mi0 marese paricaya huA / maiMne dekhA ki mere lie bahutere loga prArthanA kara rahe the / unake kitane hI bhajana mujhe bahuta hI mIThe mAlUma hue / sammelana tIna dinataka huaa| sammelanameM sammilita honevAloMkI mikatAko to maiM samajha sakA, usakI kadra bhI kara sakA, paraMtu apanI mAnyatA-apane dharma meM parivartana karanekA kAraNa na dikhAI diyaa| mujhe yaha na mAlUma huA ki maiM apaneko IsAI kahalAnepara hI svargako jA sakatA hUM yA mokSa pA sakatA huuN| jaba maiMne yaha bAta apane bhale IsAI mitroMse kahI taba unheM duHkha to huA; para maiM lAcAra thA / merI kaThinAiyAM gaharI thiiN| yaha bAta ki IsAmasIha hI ekamAtra IzvarakA putra hai, jo usako mAnatA hai usIkA uddhAra hotA hai, mujhe na paTI / Izvarake yadi koI putra ho sakatA hai to phira hama saba usake putra haiN| IsAmasIha yadi Izvarasama hu~, Izvara hI haiM, to manuSya mAtra Izvarasama haiM, Izvara ho sakate haiM / IsAkI mRtyuse aura usake lahU se saMsAra ke pApa dhula jAte haiM, isa bAtako akSarazaH mAnane ke lie buddhi kisI taraha taiyAra na hotI thI / rUpakake rUpameM yaha satya bhale hI ho / phira IsAI matake anusAra to manuSyako hI AtmA hotI hai| dUsare jIvoMko nahIM, aura dehake nAzake sAtha hI usakA bhI sarvanAza ho jAtA hai; para merA mata isake viparIta thA / IsAko tyAgI, mahAtmA, devI zikSaka mAna sakatA thA; paraMtu eka advitIya puruSa nahIM / IsAkI mRtyuse saMsArako eka bhArI udAharaNa milA; paraMtu usakI

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14. ljjaa : maal o mRtyumeM koI guhye camatkAra-prabhAva thA, isa bAtako merA hRdaya na mAna sakatA thaa| IsAiyoMke pavitra jIvanameMse mujhe koI aisI bAta na milI jo dUsare dharmavAloMke jIvanameM na milatI thii| unakI taraha dUsare dharmavAloMke jIvana meM bhI parivartana hotA huA maiMne dekhA thaa| siddhAMtakI dRSTise IsAI-siddhAMtoMmeM mujhe alaukikatA na dikhAI dii| tyAgakI dRSTile hiMdU-dharmavAloMkA tyAga mujhe bar3hakara mAluma huaa| ataH IsAI-dharmako maiM saMpUrNa athavA sarvopari dharma na mAna sakA / - apanA yaha hRdaya-maMthana maiMne, samaya pAkara, IsAI mitroMke sAmane rakkhA / usakA javAba ve saMtoSajanaka na de sake / paraMtu eka ora jahAM maiM IsAI-dharmako grahaNa na kara sakA vahAM dUsarI ora hiMdU-dharmakI saMpUrNatA athavA sarvoparitAkA bhI nizcaya maiM isa samaya taka na kara skaa| hiMdU-dharmakI truTiyAM merI aAMkhoMke sAmane ghUmA krtiiN| aspRzyatA yadi hiMdU-dharmakA aMga ho to vaha mujhe sar3A huA athavA bar3hA huA mAlUma huaa| aneka saMpradAyoM aura jAta-pAMtakA astitva merI samajhameM na aayaa| veda hI Izvara praNIta hai, isakA kyA artha ? veda yadi Izvara-praNIta hai, to phira kurAna aura bAibila kyoM nahIM ? jisa prakAra IsAI mitra mujhapara asara DAlanekA udyoga kara rahe the, usI prakAra musalamAna mitra bhI koziza kara rahe the / abdullA seTha mujhe islAmakA adhyayana karaneke lie lalacA rahe the| usakI khUbiyoMkI carcA to vaha hamezA karate rahate / , maiMne apanI dikkateM rAyacaMdabhAIko likhiiN| hiMdustAna meM dUsare dharmazAstriyoMse bhI patra-vyavahAra kiyaa| unake uttara bhI Aye; paraMtu rAyacaMdabhAIke patrane mujhe kucha zAMti dii| unhoMne likhA ki dhIraja rakkho, aura hiMdU-dharmakA gaharA adhyayana kro| unake eka vAkyakA bhAvArtha yaha thA--- 'hiMdU-dharmameM jo sUkSma aura gUr3ha vicAra hai, jo AtmAkA nirIkSaNa hai, dayA hai, vaha dUsare dharmameM nahIM haiM - niSpakSa hokara vicAra karate hue maiM isa pariNAmapara pahuMcA hU~ / ' ___ maine sela-kRta kurAna kharIdI aura par3hanA zurU kiyaa| dUsarI islAmI pustakeM bhI mNgaaii| vilAyatake IsAI mitroMse likhA-par3hI kii| unameMse ekane eDavarDa meTalaiMDase jAna-pahacAna kraaii| unake sAtha ciTThI-patrI huii| unhoMne

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, adhyAya 16 : ' ko jAne kalakI ? 141 enA kiMgsapharDa ke sAtha milakara 'paraphekTa ve' (uttama mArga ) nAmaka pustaka likhI thii| vaha mujhe par3haneke lie bhejI / pracalita IsAI dharmakA usameM khaMDana thA / 'bAibilakA navIna artha ' nAmaka pustaka bhI unhoMne mujhe bhejii| ye pustakeM majhe pasaMda aaiiN| unase hiMdU - matako puSTi milii| TaoNlasTAyakI vaikuMTa tumhAre hRdayameM haiM ' nAmaka pustakane mujhe mugdha kara liyaa| usakI bar3I gaharI chApa mujhapara pdd'ii| isa pustakakI svataMtra vicAra-zailI, usakI praur3ha nIti, usake satyake sAmane mi0 koTsakI dI huI tamAma pustakeM zuSka mAlUma huIM / isa prakAra merA yaha adhyayana mujhe aisI dizAmeM le gayA jise IsAI mitra nahIM cAhate the / eDavarDa meTalaiMDa ke sAtha merA patra-vyavahAra kAphI samayataka rhaa| afa ( rAyacaMda ) ke sAtha to aMta taka rhaa| unhoMne kitanI hI pustakeM bhejIM / unheM bhI par3ha gayA / unameM 'paMcIkaraNa', ' maNiratnamAlA', 'yogavAsiSTha ' kA mumukSu prakaraNa, haribhadra sUrikA 'SaDdarzana- samuccaya ' ityAdi the / isa prakAra yadyapi maiM aise rAste cala par3A, jisakA khayAla IsAI mitroMne na kiyA thA, phira bhI unake samAgamane jo dharma - jijJAsA mujhameM jAgRta kara dI thI usake lie to maiM unakA cirakAlIna RNI huuN| unase merA yaha saMbaMdha mujhe hamezA yAda rhegaa| aise mIThe aura pavitra saMbaMdha Age aura bhI bar3hate gaye, ghaTe nahIM haiM / 16 'ko jAne kalakI " khabara naha isa jugameM palakI masajha mana ! ' ko jAne kalakI?' mukadamA khatama ho jAneke bAda mere priToriyA meM rahane kA koI prayojana na rahA thaa| so maiM Darabana gyaa| vahAM jAkara ghara ( bhAratavarSa ) lauTanekI taiyArI kI ; para abdullA seTha bhalA mujhe zrAdara-satkAra kiye binA kyoM jAne dene lage ? unhoMne siDanahaimameM mere lie khAna-pAnakA eka jalasA kiyaa| sArA dina usameM laganevAlA thA / mere pAsa kitane hI akhabAra rakkhe hue the / unheM meM dekha rahA thA / eka

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142 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 raarrake kone meM eka choTI-sI khabara chapI thI--' iMDiyana phraiMcAija ' / isakA --: hiMdustAnI matAdhikAra / ' khabarakA bhAvArtha yaha thA ki neTAlakI dhArA-sabhA ke sabhyoMko cunanekA jo adhikAra hiMdustAniyoM ko thA vaha chIna liyA jAya ! isake viSaya meM eka kAnUna dhArAsabhAmeM peza thA aura usapara carcA ho rahI thI | maiM usa kAnUnake bAremeM kucha na jAnatA thA / jalasemeM kisIko isa masavidekI khabara na thI, joki bhAratIyoMke adhikAroMko chInaneke lie taiyAra huA thA / dulA se isakA jikra kiyaa| unhoMne kahA--' ina bAtoMko hama loga kyA samajheM ? hamAre to vyApArapara agara koI grAphata yAve to khabara par3a sakatI hai| dekhie, AreMja phro sTeTameM hamAre vyApArakI sArI jar3a ukhar3a gaI / usake lie hamane koziza bhI kI ; para hama to Thahare apaMga / akhabAra par3hate -- para apane bhAva-tAvakI bAteM hI samajha lete haiM / kAnUna kAyadekI bAtoMkA hameM kyA patA cale ? hamAre prAMkha-kAna jo kucha haiM, gore vakIla haiM / 'para yahIM paidA hue aura aMgrejI par3he-likhe itane naujavAna hiMdustAnI jo yahAM haiM ? " maiMne kahA / 35 44 "grajI bhAI sAhaba "3 ! abdullA seThane sirapara hAtha mArate hue kahA-" unase kyA ummIda kI jAya ? ve becAre ina bAtoMmeM kyA samajheM ? ve to hamAre pAsataka phaTakate nahIM, aura saca pUchie to hama bhI unheM nahIM pahacAnate / ve haiM IsAI, isalie pAdariyoMke paMje meM haiM aura pAdarI loga gore, ve sarakArake tAbedAra - haiM / " sunakara merI prAMkheM khulIM / socA ki isa dala ko apanAnA cAhie / IsAI dharma kyA yahI mAnI haiM ? kyA IsAI ho jAnese unakA nAtA dezase TUTa gayA, aura ve videzI ho gaye ? para mujhe to deza vApasa lauTanA thA, ataeva ina vicAroMko mUrta rUpa na diyA / abdullA seThase kahA- (1 ' para yadi yaha bila jyoM-kA-tyoM pAsa ho gayA to zrApa logoMke lie bahuta bhArI par3egA / yaha to bhAratavAsiyoMke astitvako miTA DAlanekA pahalA kadama hai| isase hamArA svAbhimAna naSTa hogA / " 46 'jo kucha ho| isa ' phraiMcAija ' ( isa taraha aMgrejIke kitane hI zabda

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adhyAya 16 : 'ko jAne kalakI?' dezI bhASAmeM rUr3ha ho gaye the| 'matAdhikAra' kahane se koI nahIM samajhatA) kA thor3A itihAsa suna liijie| isa mAmale meM hamArI samajha kAma nahIM detI; para hamAre bar3e vakIla mi0 aiskaMbako to Apa jAnate hI haiM, vaha jabaradasta lar3avaiye haiN| unakI tathA vahAMke phurajAke iMjIniyarakI khUba cakha-cakha calA karatI hai| mi0 aiskaMnake dhArA-tabhAne jAne meM yaha lar3AI bAdhaka ho rahI thii| isalie unhoMne hameM hamArI sthitikA jJAna kraayaa| unake kahanese hamane apane nAma matAdhikAra-patra meM darja karA liye aura apane tamAma mata mi0 aisbaMkako diye| aba Apa samajha jAyaMge ki hama isa matAdhikArakI kImata Apake itanI kyoM nahIM AMkate haiN| para ApakI bAta aba hamArI samajhameM pA rahI hai--acchA to aba Apa kyA salAha dete haiM ?" yaha bAta dUsare mehamAna loga gaurase suna rahe the| inameM se ekane kahA-- "maiM Apase saccI bAta kaha dUM ? yadi Apa isa jahAja se na jAyaM aura ekAdha mahInA yahAM raha jAyaM, to Apa jisa taraha batAyeM hama lar3aneko taiyAra haiM / " ___eka dUsarene kahA--" yaha bAta ThIka hai / abdullA seTha, Apa gAMdhIjIko roka liijie| abdullA seTha the ustAda aadmii| vaha bole----"aba inheM rokanekA akhtiyAra mujhe nhiiN| athavA jitanA mujhe hai utanA hI Apako bhI hai| para ApakI bAta hai ThIka / hama saba milakara inheM roka leM, para yaha to bairisTara haiN| inakI phIsakA kyA hogA ?" phIsakI bAtase mujhe dukha huaa| maiM bIca meM hI bolA-- "abdullA seTha, isameM phIsakA kyA savAla ? sArvajanika sevAmeM phIsa kisa bAtakI ? yadi maiM rahA to eka sevakakI haisiyatase raha sakatA huuN| ina saba bhAiyoMse merA pUrA paricaya nahIM hai; para yadi Apa yaha samajhate hoM ki ye saba loga mehanata kareMge to maiM eka mahInA Thahara jAneke lie taiyAra hUM; para eka bAta hai / mujhe to Apako kucha denA-denA nahIM par3egA; para aise kAma binA rupaye-paiseke nahIM cala skte| hameM tAra vagairA dene par3eMge---kucha chApanA bhI pdd'egaa| idhara-udhara jAnA-pAnA par3egA, usakA kirAyA Adi bhI lgegaa| maukA par3anepara yahAMke vakIloMkI bhI salAha lenI pdd'egii| maiM yahAMke saba kAnUna-kAyadoMko acchI taraha

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Atma-kathA: bhAga 2 nahIM jaantaa| kAnUnakI pustakeM dekhanI hoMgI; phira aise kAma akele hAthoM nahIM ho skte| kaI logoMke sahayogakI jarUrata hogii|" bahuta-sI AvAja eka-sAtha sunAI dI----"khudAkI mehara hai| rupayepaisekI phikra mata kiijie| AdamI bhI mila jaayNge| Apa sirpha ThaharanA maMjUra kareM to basa hai|" phira kyA thA vaha jalasA kAryakAriNI samitike rUpameM pariNata ho gyaa| maiMne sujhAyA ki khA-pIkara jaldI phAriga hokara hama loga ghara phuNce| maiMne manameM lar3AIkI rUpa-rekhA baaNdhii| yaha jAna liyA ki matAdhikAra kitane logoMko hai| maiMne eka mAsa vhara jAnekA nizcaya kiyaa| isa prakAra Izvarane dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM mere sthAyI rUpase rahanekI nIMva DAlI aura Atma-sammAnake saMgrAmakA bIjAropaNa huA / 17 basa gayA 1893 IsvIma seTha hAjI muhammada hAjI dAdA neTAlakI bhAratIya jAtike agragaNya netA mAne jAte the| sAMpattika sthitimeM seTha abdullA hAjI Adi mukhya the; paraMtu vaha tathA dUsare loga bhI sArvajanika kAmoMmeM seTha hAjI muhammadako hI prathama sthAna dete the| isalie unakI adhyakSatAmeM, abdullA seThake makAnameM, eka sabhA kI gii| usameM phraiMcAija bilakA virodha karanekA prastAva svIkRta huA / svayaMsevakoMkI sUcI bhI bnii| isa sabhAmeM neTAlameM janme hiMdustAnI, arthAta IsAI navayuvaka bhI bulAye gaye the| mi0 paoNla irabanakI adAlatake dubhASiyA the| mi0 subhAna gADaphre mizana skUlake heDamAsTara the| ve bhI sabhAmeM upasthita hue the; aura unake prabhAvase IsAI navayuvaka acchI saMkhyAmeM Aye the| ina saba logoMne svayaMsevakoMmeM apanA nAma likhaayaa| sabhAmeM vyApArI bhI bahutere the| unameM jAnane yogya nAma ye haiM--seThadAUda muhammada kAsima kamaruddIna, seTha aAdamajI miyAM khAna, e0 kolaMdAvellU pille, sI0 lachIrAma, raMgasvAmI par3iyAcI, Amada jIvA ityAdi / pArasI rustamajI to the hii| kArakuna logoMmeM pArasI

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adhyAya 17 : basa gayA 145 mANekajI, jozI, narasIrAma ityAdi / dAdA abdullAkI tathA dUsarI bar3I dUkAnoMke karmacArI the| pahale-pahala sArvajanika kAmameM par3ate hue ina logoMko jarA aTapaTA mAlUma huaa| isa taraha sArvajanika kAmameM nimaMtrita tathA sammilita honekA unheM yaha pahalA anubhava thaa| sira AI vipattike mukAbaleke lie nIca-UMca, choTe-bar3e, mAlika-naukara, hiMdU-musalamAna, pArasI, IsAI, gujarAtI, madarAsI, siMdhI ityAdi bheda-bhAva jAte rhe| usa samaya saba bhAratakI saMtAna aura sevaka the / ____ cAija bilakA dUsarA vAcana ho cukA thA athavA honevAlA thaa| usa samaya dhArA-sabhAmeM jo bhASaNa hue, unameM yaha bAta kahI gaI ki kAnUna itanA sakhta thA, phira bhI hiMdustAniyoMkI orase unakA kucha virodha na huA / yaha bhAratIya prajAkI lAparavAhI aura matAdhikAra-saMbaMdhI unakI apAtratAkA pramANa thaa| ___maiMne sabhAko sArI hakIkata samajhA dii| pahalA kAma to yaha huA ki dhArA-sabhAke adhyakSako tAra diyA ki vaha bilapara Age vicAra karanA sthagita kara deN| aisA hI tAra mukhya pradhAna sara jAna rAbiMsanako bhI bhejA, tathA eka aura tAra dAdA abdullAke mitra ke nAte mi0 eskaMbako gyaa| tArakA javAba milA ki vilakI carcA do dinataka sthagita rhegii| isase saba logoMko khuzI huii| aba darakhvAstakA masavidA taiyAra huA / usakI tIna pratiyAM bhejI jAnevAlI thii| akhabAroMke lie bhI eka prati taiyAra karanI thii| usapara jitanI adhika sahiyAM lI jA sakeM, lenI thiiN| yaha saba kAma eka rAtameM pUrA karanA thaa| ve zikSita svayaMsevaka tathA dUsare loga lagabhaga sArI rAta jge| unameM eka mi0 Arthara the, jo bahuta bUr3he the aura jinakA khata acchA thaa| unhoMne suMdara haraphoMmeM darakhvAstakI nakala kI / auroMne usakI aura nakaleM kiiN| eka bolatA jAtA aura pAMca likhate jaate| isa taraha pAMca nakaleM eka sAtha ho giiN| vyApArI svayaMsevaka apanI-apanI gAr3iyAM lekara yA apane kharcese gAr3iyAM kirAyA karake sahiyAM dene daur3a pdd'e| . darakhvAsta gaI / akhabAroM meM chpii| usapara anukUla TippaNiyAM nikliiN| dhArA-sabhApara bhI usakA asara huA / usakI carcA bhI khUba huii| darakhvAsta meM jo dalIleM peza kI gaI thIM, unapara ApattiyAM jAI gaI paraMtu khuda uThAnevAloM

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146 bhAtma kathA : bhAga 2 ko hI ve lacara mAlUma huiiN| itanA karanepara bhI bila to grAkhira pAsa ho hI gayA / saba jAnate the ki yahI hokara rahegA; para itane AMdolana se hiMdustAniyoMmeM navIna jIvana A gayA / saba loga isa bAta ko samajha gaye ki hama sabakA samAja eka hai / akele vyApArI adhikAroMke lie hI nahIM, balki apane kaumI adhikAroMke lie bhI lar3anA sabakA dharma hai / isa samaya lArDa ripana upaniveza maMtrI the / prastAva huA ki unheM eka bhArI darakhvAsta likhakara peza kI jAya / isapara jitanI adhika sahiyAM mileM jaayN| yaha kAma eka dinameM nahIM ho sakatA thaa| svayaMsevaka tainAta hue aura sabane thor3A-thor3A kAmakA bojha uThA liyA / darakhvAsta taiyAra karane meM maiMne bar3A parizrama kiyaa| jitanA sAhitya mere hAtha lagA, saba par3ha DAlA | hiMdustAna meM hameM eka tarahakA matAdhikAra hai, isa siddhAMtakI bAtako tathA hiMdustAniyoMkI prAbAdI bahuta thor3I hai, isa vyAvahArika arrest maiMne apanA madhyabiMdu banAyA / darakhvAstapara dasa hajAra prAdamiyoMke dastakhata hue| eka saptAha meM darakhvAsta bhejane ke lie Avazyaka sahiyAM prApta ho giiN| itane thor3e samaya meM neTAlameM dasa hajAra dastakhata prApta karaneko pAThaka aisA vaisA kAma na samajheM / sAre neTAlameMse dastakhata prApta karane the / loga isa kAma se aparicita the / idhara yaha nizcaya kiyA gayA thA ki tabataka kisIkI sahI na lI jAya, jabataka ki ve dastakhata kA Azaya na samajha leM / isalie khAsa taurapara svayaMsevakoMko bhejane se hI sahiyAM mila sakatI thiiN| gAMva dUra-dUra the / aisI avasthAmeM aise kAma usI hAlata meM jaldI ho sakate haiM, jaba bahutere kAma karanevAle nizcaya-pUrvaka kAmameM juTa pdd'e| aisA hI huA bhI / sabane utsAha pUrvaka kAma kiyaa| inameMse seTha dAUda muhammada, pArasI rustamajI, yAdamajI miyAM khAna aura Amada jIvAkI mUrtiyAM Aja bhI merI grAMkhoMmeM sAmane zrA jAtI haiM / ve bahutoMke dastakhata lAye the / dAUda seTha dina-bhara apanI gAr3I liye liye ghUmate / kisIne jeba kharcataka na mAMgA / arer geeter makAna to dharmazAlA athavA sArvajanika kAryAlaya jaisA ho gayA thA / zikSita bhAI to mere pAsa DaTe hI rhte| unakA tathA dUsare

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adhyAya 17 : basa gayA 147 karmacAriyoMkA khAnA-pInA dAdA abdullA ke hI yahAM hotA / isa taraha saba logoMne kAphI kharca baradAzta kiyA / darakhvAsta gaI, usakI eka hajAra pratiyAM chapavAI gaI thIM / usa darakhvAstane hiMdustAna ke deva sevakoMko neTAlakA pahalI bAra paricaya kraayaa| jitane akhabAroM tathA dezake netAoMkA nAma-ThAma maiM jAnatA thA, sabako darakhvAsta kI nakaleM bhejI gaI thIM / 'TAimsa Apha iMDiyA ' ne usapara agralekha likhA aura bhAratIyoMkI mAMgakA khAsA samarthana kiyA / vilAyata meM bhI prArthanA-patrakI nakaleM tamAma dalake netAoM ko bhejI gaI thiiN| vahAM 'laMdana TAimsa ne unakI puSTi kii| isa kAraNa vilake maMjUra na honekI AzA hone lagI / aba aisI hAlata ho gaI ki meM neTAla na chor3a sakatA thA / logoMne mujhe cAroM ora se prA gherA aura bar3A grAgraha karane lage ki aba meM neTAlameM hI sthAyI rUpase raha jAUM / maiMne apanI kaThinAiyAM unapara prakaTa kiiN| apane manameM maiMne yaha nizcaya kara liyA thA ki maiM yahAM sarva sAdhAraNa ke kharca para na rahUMgA / 4 apanA alaga iMtajAma karanekI zrAvazyakatA mujhe dikhAI dI / ghara bhI acchA aura acche muhallemeM honA cAhie -- isa samaya merA yahI mata thA / merA khayAla thA ki dUsare bairisTaroMkI taraha ThATha-bAThase rahane meM apane samAjakA mAna - gaurava bddh'egaa| maiMne dekhA ki isa taraha to maiM 300 pauMDa sAlake binA kAma na calA sakUMgA / taba maiMne nizcaya kiyA ki yadi yahAM ke loga itanI grAmadanI ke lAyaka vakAlatakA iMtajAma karA denekA jimmA leM to raha jAUMgA / aura maiMne logoMko isakI ittilA de dI / 44 ' para itanI rakama to yadi zrApa sArvajanika kAmoMke lie leM to koI bAta nahIM, aura itanI rakama juTAnA hamAre lie koI kaThina bAta bhI nahIM hai / vakAlata meM jo kucha mila jAya vaha ApakA / " sAthiyoMne kahA / "[ 'isa taraha maiM Arthika sahAyatA lenA nahIM cAhatA / apane sArvajanika kAmakA maiM itanA mUlya nahIM samajhatA / isameM mujhe vakAlatakA ADaMbara thor3e hI racanA hai -- mujhe to logoMse kAma lenA hai / isakA muAvajA meM dravyake rUpameM kaise le sakatA hUM ? phira Apa logoMse bhI to mujhe sArvajanika kAmoMke lie

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148 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 dhana lenA hai| yadi maiM apane lie rupayA lene lagU to Apase bar3I-bar3I rakameM lete hue mujhe saMkoca hogA, aura apanI gAr3I ruka jaaygii| logoMse to maiM hara sAla 300 pauMDase adhika hI kharca karA duuNgaa|" maiMne uttara diyaa| "para hama to Apako aba acchI taraha jAna gaye haiN| Apa apane lie thor3e hI cAhate haiN| Apake rahanekA kharcA to hamI logoMko na denA cAhie ? " "yaha to ApakA sneha aura tAtkAlika utsAha Apase kahalavA rahA hai| yaha kaise mAna leM ki yahI utsAha sadA kAyama raha sakegA ? mujhe to Apako kabhI kar3avI bAta bhI kahanI pdd'eNgii| usa samaya bhI maiM Apake snehakA pAtra raha sakU~gA yA nahIM, so Izvara jAne; para asalI bAta yaha hai ki sArvajanika-kAmake lie rupayA-paisA maiM na luuN| Apa loga sirpha apane mAmale mukadame mujhe dete rahanekA vacana deM to mere lie kAphI hai| yaha bhI zAyada Apako bhArI mAlUma hogA; kyoMki maiM koI gorA bairisTara to hUM nahIM, aura yaha bhI patA nahIM ki adAlata mujha-jaiseko dAda degI yA nhiiN| yaha bhI nahIM kaha sakatA ki pairavI kaisI kara skNgaa| isalie mujhe pahalese mehanatAnA dene meM bhI Apako jokhima uThAnI pdd'egii| aura itanepara bhI yadi Apa mujhe mehanatAnA deM to yaha to merI sevAoMkI badaulata hI na hogA? isa carcAkA natIjA yaha nikalA ki koI 20 vyApAriyoMne milakara mere eka varSakI AyakA prabaMdha kara diyaa| isake alAvA dAdA abdullA bidAIke samaya mujhe jo rakama bheMTa karanevAle the usake badale unhoMne mujhe zrAvazyaka pharnIcara lA diyA aura maiM neTAlameM raha gyaa| 18 varNa-dveSa adAlatoMkA cihna hai tarAjU / use pakar3a rakhanevAlI eka niSpakSa, aMdhI, paraMtu samajhadAra bur3hiyA hai| use vidhAtAne aMdhA banAyA hai ki jisase vaha muMha dekhakara tilaka na lagAve; balki yogyatAko dekhakara lgaave| isake viparIta, neTAlakI adAlatase to muMha dekhakara tilaka lagavAneke lie vahAMkI

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adhyAya 18 : varNa-dveSa 146 vakIla-sabhAne kamara kasI thI; kintu pradAlatane isa avasara para apane cihnakI lAja rakha lI / mujhe vakAlatakI sanada lenI thI / mere pAsa baMbaI hAIkorTakA to pramANapatra thA; para vilAyatakA pramANa-patra baMbaI - zradAlata ke daphtara meM thA; vakAlatakI maMjUrIkI darakhvAsta ke sAtha nekacalanIke do pramANapatroMkI AvazyakatA samajhI jAtI thI / maiMne socA ki yadi ye pramANapatra gore logoMke hoM to ThIka hogA / isalie abdullA seThakI mArphata mere saMparka meM Aye do prasiddha gore vyApAriyoM ke pramANa-patra liye / darakhvAsta kisI vakIlakI mArphata dI jAnI cAhie / mAmUlI kAyadA yaha thA ki aisI darakhvAsta eTarnI janarala binA phIsake peza karatA hai / mi0 eskaMtra eTarnI janarala the| hama jAnate hI haiM ki abdullA seThake vaha vakIla the / ataeva maiM unase milA aura unhoMne khuzIse merI darakhvAsta peza karanA maMjUra kara liyA / itane cAnaka vakIla - sabhAkI taraphase mujhe noTisa milaa| noTisa meM mere vakAlata karaneke khilApha virodhakI AvAja uThAI gaI thI / isameM eka kAraNa yaha batAyA gayA thA ki maiMne vakAlatakI darakhvAsta ke sAtha prasala pramANa-patra nahIM peza kiyA thA; paraMtu virodhakI asalI bAta yaha thI ki jisa samaya adAlata meM vakIloMko dAkhila karaneke saMbaMdha meM niyama bane, usa samaya kisIne bhI yaha khayAla na kiyA hogA ki vakAlatake lie koI kAlA yA pIlA AdamI grAkara darakhvAsta degA | neTAla goroMke sAhasakA phala hai aura isalie yahAM goroMkI pradhAnatA rahanI cAhie / unako bhaya huA ki yadi kAle vakIla bhI adAlata meM Ane lageMge to dhIre-dhIre goroMkI pradhAnatA calI jAyagI aura unakI rakSAkI dIvAreM TUTa jAyaMgI / isa virodhake samarthanake lie vakIla sabhAne eka prakhyAta vakIlako apanI taraphase khar3A kiyA thA / isa vakIlakA bhI saMbaMdha dAdA abdullAse thA / unakI mArphata unhoMne mujhe bulaayaa| unhoMne zuddha bhAvanAse mujhase bAtacIta kI / merA itihAsa pUchA / maiMne saba kaha sunAyA / taba vaha bole- " mujhe Apake khilApha kucha nahIM kahanA / mujhe yaha bhaya thA ki Apa koI yahIM paidA hue dhUrta AdamI hoNge| phira Apake pAsa asalI pramANa-patra nahIM haiM, isase mere ko aura puSTi mila gii| aura aise loga bhI hote haiM, jo dUsaroMke

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150 AtmakathA : bhAga 2 pramANa-patroM ko istemAla kara lete haiM / aura Apane jo goroMke pramANa-patra peza kiye haiM unakA asara mere dilapara na huA / yahAM ke gore loga bhalA Apako kyA pahacAne ? Apake sAtha unakA paricaya hI kitanA "" 88 para yahAM to mere lie sabhI naye haiM / abdullA seThase bhI merI pahacAna yahIM huI / " maiM bIca meM bolA / "hAM, para Apa kahate haiM ki vaha Apake gAMvake haiM / aura Apake pitA bAMke dIvAna the, ataeva Apake parivAra ke logoMko to vaha pahacAnate hI haiM / yadi unakA halaphiyA bayAna peza kara deM to mujhe kucha bhI ujra na hogA / maiM vakIlasabhAko likha bhejUMgA ki gAMdhIkA virodha mujhase na hogA / 11 mujhe gussA AyA, para maiMne rokaa| mujhe lagA -- ' yadi maiMne abdullA seThakA hI pramANa-patra peza kiyA hotA to usakI koI paravA na karatA aura goroMkI jAna-pahacAna mAMgI jaatii| phira mere janmake sAtha vakAlata - saMbaMdhI merI yogyatAkA kyA saMbaMdha ho sakatA hai ? yadi maiM duSTa yA garIba mAM-bApakA putra hoUM to yaha bAta merI liyAkatakI jAMcameM mere khilApha kisalie kahI jAya ?' para maiMne ina saba vicAroMko rokakara uttara diyA- " 'hAlAMki maiM yaha nahIM mAnatA ki ina saba bAtoMke pUchane kA adhikAra anta-sabhAko hai, phira bhI jaisA Apa cAhate haiM, dAdA abdullAkA halaphiyA bayAna meM peza karA dene ko taiyAra hUM / 44 abdullA seThakA halaphiyA bayAna likhA aura vaha vakIla ko diyA / unhoMne to saMtoSa prakaTa kara diyA, para vakIla-sabhAko saMtoSa na huA / usane apanA virodha adAlatameM bhI uThAyA / adAlatane mi0 eskaMbakA javAba sune binA hI sabhAkA virodha nAmaMjUra kara diyaa| pradhAna nyAyAdhIzane kahA'isa dalIlameM kucha jAna nahIM ki prArthIne asalI pramANa-patra nahIM peza kiyA / yadi usane jhUThI saugaMdha khAI hogI to usapara adAlata meM jhUThI kasama khAnekA mukadamA cala sakegA aura usakA nAma vakIloMkI sUcI se haTA diyA jAyagA / adAlatakI dhArAoM meM kAle-gorekA bhedabhAva nahIM hai / hameM miM0 gAMdhIko vakAlata karanese rokane kA koI adhikAra nahIM / unakI darakhvAsta maMjUra kI jAtI hai / mi0 gAMdhI, Apa Akara zapatha le sakate haiN| d '

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adhyAya 18 : varNa-ba 151 meM uThA / rajisTrArake pAsa jAkara zapatha lii| zapatha lete hI pradhAna nyAyAdhIza ne kahA--" aba Apako apanI pagar3I utAra denI caahie| vakIlakI haisiyata se vakIlako pozAkake saMbaMdha meM adAlatakA jo niyama hai, usakA pAlana Apako karanA hogA / " maiMne apanI maryAdA samajha lI / Darabanake majisTreTa kI adAlata meM pagar3I pahana rahane kI bAtapara jo maiM ar3A rahA thA, so vahAM na raha sakA / pagar3I utArI, yaha bAta nahIM ki pagar3I utAraneke virodha meM dalIla na thI; para mujhe to grava bar3I lar3AiyAM lar3anI thIM / pagar3I pahane rahanekI haThameM merI yuddha kalAkI samApti na hotI thI / ulaTA isase usameM baTTA laga jAtA / abdullA seTha tathA dUsare mitroMko merI yaha naramI ( yA kamajorI ? ) acchI na lagI / vaha cAhate the ki vakIlako haisiyatase bhI maiM pagar3I pahana rakhanekI Teka kAyama rkhtaa| maiMne unheM samajhAnekI bharasaka koziza kI / 'jaisA deza vaisA bhesa' vAlI kahAvatakA rahasya samajhAyA / 'hiMdustAnameM yadi vahAMke gore afraid athavA jaja pagar3I utAranepara majabUra kareM to usakA virodha kiyA jA sakatA hai| neTAla- jaise dezameM, aura phira adAlata ke eka sadasyakI haisiyatase, mujhe adAlata rivAjakA, virodha zobhA nahIM detA / yaha tathA dUsarI dalIleM dekara mitroMko maiMne kucha zAMta to kiyA; para maiM nahIM samajhatA ki eka hI bAtako bhinna paristhitimeM bhinna rIti se dekhane ke afako maiM, isa samaya, unake hRdayapara isa taraha aMkita kara sakA ki jisase unheM saMtoSa ho; paraMtu mere jIvanameM zrAgraha aura anAgraha donoM sadA sAtha-sAtha calate prAte haiM / pIche calakara maiMne kaI bAra yaha anubhava kiyA hai ki satyAgrahameM yaha bAta anivArya hai / apanI isa samajhautAvRttike kAraNa mujhe kaI bAra apanI jAna jokhima meM DAlanI par3I hai aura mitroMke asaMtoSako zirodhArya karanA par3A haiM; para satya to vaJcakI taraha kaThora aura kamalakI taraha komala hai /

Page #170
Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 14 neTAla iMDiyana kAMgresa vakIla-sabhAke virodhane dakSiNa apharIkAmeM mere lie eka vijJApanakA kAma kara diyaa| kitane hI akhabAroMne mere khilApha uThAye gaye virodhakI niMdA kI aura vakIloMpara IrSyAkA ilajAma lgaayaa| isa prasiddhise merA kAma kucha aMzameM apane-Apa sarala ho gayA / vakAlata karanA mere najadIka gauNa bAta thI aura hamezA gINa hI rhii| neTAlameM apanA rahanA sArthaka karane ke lie mujhe sArvajanika kAmameM hI tanmaya ho jAnA jarUrI thaa| bhAratIya matAdhikAra-pratirodhaka kAnUnake virodhameM AvAja uThAkara--mahaja darakhvAsta bhejakara cupa na baiThA jA sakatA thaa| usakA AMdolana hote rahane se hI upanivezoMke maMtrIpara asara ho sakatA thaa| isake lie eka saMsthA sthApita karanekI AvazyakatA dikhAI dii| ataH maiMne abdullA seThake sAtha mazavirA kiyaa| dUsare sAthiyoMse bhI milA aura hama logoMne eka sArvajanika saMsthA khar3I karanekA nizcaya kiyA / usakA nAma rakhane meM kucha dharma-saMkaTa aaayaa| yaha saMsthA kisI pakSakA pakSapAta nahIM karanA cAhatI thii| mahAsabhA (kAMgresakA) nAma kaMjaraveTiva (prAcIna) pakSameM arucikara thA, yaha mujhe mAlUma thA, paraMtu mahAsabhA to bhAratakA prANa thii| usakI zaktiko bar3hAnA jarUrI thaa| usake nAmako chipAne meM athavA dhAraNa karate hue saMkoca rakhane meM kAyaratAkI gaMdha AtI thii| isalie maiMne apanI dalIleM peza karake saMsthAkA nAma 'kAMgresa' hI rakhane kA prastAva kiyA / aura 22 maI, 1894ko neTAla iMDiyana kAMgresa kA janma huaa| dAdA abdullAkA baiThakakhAnA logoMse bhara gayA thaa| unhoMne utsAhake sAya isa saMsthAkA svAgata kiyaa| vidhAna bahuta sAdA rakkhA thA, para caMdA bhArI rakkhA gayA thaa| jo hara mAsa kama-se-kama pAMca ziliMga detA vahI sabhya ho sakatA thA / anika loga rAjI-khuzIse jitanA adhika de sakeM, caMdA deM, yaha taya huaa| abdullA seThase hara mAsa do pauMDa likhAye / dUsare do sajjanoMne bhI itanA hI caMdA likhaayaa| khuda bhI socA ki maiM isameM saMkoca kaise karUM ? isalie maiMne bhI prati

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153 adhyAya 16 : neTAla iMDiyana kAMgresa bhAsa eka pauMDa likhaayaa| yaha mere lie bImA karane-jaisA thA; para maiMne socA ki jahAM merA itanA kharca-varca calegA yahAM pratimAsa eka pauMDa kyoM bhArI par3egA? aura Izvarane merI nAva claaii| eka pauMDavAloMkI saMkhyA khAsI ho gii| dasa ziliMgavAle usase bhI adhika hue| isake alAvA binA sabhya hue bheMTake taurapara jo loga de deM so alaga / anubhavane batAyA ki ugAhI kiye binA koI caMdA nahIM de sktaa| Darabanase bAharavAloM ke yahAM bAra-bAra jAnA asaMbhava thaa| isase mujhe hamArI 'AraMbha-zUratA'kA paricaya milA / Darabana meM bhI bahuta calakara khAne par3ate, taba kahIM jAkara caMdA miltaa| maiM maMtrI thA, rupayA vasUla karanekA jimmA mujha para thaa| mujhe apane muMzIko sArA dina caMdAvasUlI meM lagAye rahane kI naubata A gii| vaha becArA bhI ukatA uThA / maiMne socA ki mAsika nahIM, vArSika caMdA honA cAhie aura vaha bhI sabako pezagI de denA caahie| basa, sabhA kI gaI aura sabane isa bAtako pasaMda kiyaa| taya huA ki kama-se-kama tIna pauMDa bArSika caMdA liyA jAya / isase vasUlIkA kAma AsAna ho gayA / / AraMbhameM hI maiMne yaha sIkha liyA thA ki sArvajanika kAma kabhI karja lekara nahIM calAnA caahie| aura bAtoMmeM bhale hI logoMkA vizvAsa kara leM, para paisekI bAtameM nahIM kiyA jA sktaa| maiMne dekha liyA thA ki vAdA kara cukanepara bhI deneke dharmakA pAlana kahIM bhI niyamita rUpase nahIM hotaa| neTAlake hiMdustAnI isake apavAda na the| isa kAraNa bAla iMDiyana kAMgresa ne kabhI karja karake koI kAma nahIM kiyA / sabhya banAne meM sAthiyoMne asIma utsAha prakaTa kiyA thaa| usameM unakI bar3I dilacaspI ho gaI thii| usake kArya se anamola anubhava milatA thaa| bahutere loga khuzI-khuzI nAma likhavAte aura caMdA de dete| hAM, dUra-dUrake gAMvoMmeM jarA muzkila peza aatii| loga sArvajanika kAmakI mahimA nahIM samajhate the| kitanI hI jagaha to loga apane yahAM AnekA nyautA bhejate, agrasara vyApArIke yahAM ThaharAte; paraMtu isa bhramaNameM hameM eka jagaha zurUAtameM hI dikkata peza huii| yahAMse cha: pauMDa milane cAhie the; para vaha tIna pauMuse Age na bar3hate the| yadi unase itanI hI rakama lete to auroMye isase adhika na miltii| ThaharAye hama unhIMke yahAM gaye

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 the| sabako bhUkha laga rahI thI; para jabataka caMdA na mile tabataka bhojana kaise karate ? khUba minnata-khuzAmada kI gaI; para vaha Tasa-se-masa na hue| gAMvake dUsare vyApAriyoMne bhI unheM smjhaayaa| sArI rAta isI khIMcA-tAnImeM gii| gussA to kaI sAthiyoMko aAyA; para kisIne apanA saujanya na chodd'aa| TheTha subaha jAkara vaha pasIje aura cha: pauMDa diye| taba jAkara hama logoMko khAnA nasIba hunaa| yaha ghaTanA ToMgATakI hai| isakA asara uttara kinArepara TheTha sTaMgarataka tathA aMdara TheTha cArlsaTAunataka par3A aura caMdA-vasUlIkA hamArA kAma bar3A sarala ho gayA / paraMtu prayojana kevala itanA hI na thA ki caMdA ekatra kiyA jAya / AvazyakatAse adhika rupayA jamA na karanekA tatva bhI maine mAna liyA thaa| sabhA prati saptAha athavA prati mAsa AvazyakatAke anusAra hotii| usameM pichalI sabhAkI kArravAI par3hI jAtI aura aneka bAtoMpara carcA hotii| carcA karanekI tathA thor3emeM matalabakI bAta kahanekI pAdata logoMko na thii| loga khar3e hokara bolane meM sakucAte / maiMne sabhAke niyama unheM samajhAye aura logoMne unheM maanaa| isase honevAlA lAbha unhoMne dekhA aura jinheM sabhAtroM meM bolanekA raphta na thA ve sArvajanika kAmoMke lie bolane aura vicArane lge| sArvajanika kAmoMmeM choTI-choTI bAtoMmeM bahuta-sA kharca ho jAyA karatA hai, yaha maiM jAnatA thaa| zurUmeM to rasIda-bukataka na chapAnekA nizcaya rakkhA thaa| mere daphtarameM sAIklosTAila thA, usapara rasIdeM chapA liiN| riporTa bhI isI taraha chptii| jaba rupayA-paisA kAphI yA gayA, sabhyoMkI saMkhyA bar3ha gaI, tabhI rasIdeM ityAdi chapAI giiN| aisI kiphAyatazArI hara saMsthAmeM Avazyaka hai| phira bhI maiM jAnatA hUM ki saba jagaha aisA nahIM hotA hai| isalie isa choTI-sI ugatI haIsaMsthAke paravarizake samayakA itanA varNana karanA maiMne ThIka smjhaa| loga rasIda lenekI paravA na karate, phira bhI unheM Agraha-pUrvaka rasIda dI jaatii| isa kAraNa hisAba zurUse hI pAI-pAIkA sApha rahA, aura maiM mAnatA hUM ki Aja bhI neTAla-kAMgresake daphtarameM 1894ke bahI-khAte byorevAra mila jaayNge| kisI bhI saMsthAkA sabistAra hisAva usakI nAka hai| usake binA vaha saMsthA aMtako jAkara gaMdI aura pratiSThA-hIna ho jAtI hai| zuddha hisAbake binA zuddha satyakI

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. adhyAya 20 : bAlAsuMdaram rakhavAlI asaMbhava hai| ____ kAMgresakA dUsarA aMga thA---vahAM janme aura zikSA pAye bhAratIyoMkI sevA krnaa| unake lie 'kAloniyala baoNrna eMDa iMDiyana ejukezanala esosiezana' kI sthApanA kii| usameM mukhyataH ye navayuvaka hI sabhya the| unake lie caMdA bahuta thor3A rakkhA thaa| isa sabhAkI badaulata unakI AvazyakatAyeM mAlUma hotIM, unakI vicAra-zakti bar3hatI, vyApAriyoMke sAtha unakA saMbaMdha baMdhatA, aura khuda unheM bhI sevAkA sthAna miltaa| yaha saMsthA eka vAda-vivAda-samiti jaisI thii| usakI niyamapUrvaka baiThakeM hotI; bhinna-bhinna viSayoMpara bhASaNa hote; nibaMdha par3he jaate| usake silasilemeM eka choTA-sA pustakAlaya bhI sthApita huaa| kAMgresakA tIsarA aMga thA bAharI Andolana / isake dvArA dakSiNa apharIkAke aMgrejoMmeM tathA bAhara iMglaiMDameM aura hiMdustAnameM vAstavika sthiti prakaTa kI jAtI thii| isa uddezyase maiMne do pustikAyeM likhiiN| pahalI pustikA thI-- 'dakSiNa apharIkA-sthita pratyeka aMgrejase apIla': usameM neTAlavAle bhAratIyoMkI sAmAnya sthitikA digdarzana sapramANa karAyA gayA thaa| dUsarI thI-- 'bhAratIya matAdhikAra----eka apIla / ' isameM bhAratIya matAdhikArakA itihAsa aMkoM aura pramANoM sahita diyA gayA thaa| ina donoM pustikAoMko bar3e parizrama aura adhyayanake bAda maiMne likhA thaa| usakA pariNAma bhI vaisA hI niklaa| pustikAoMkA kAphI pracAra kiyA gyaa| isa hala-calake phalasvarUpa dakSiNa apharIkAmeM bhAratIyoMke mitra utpanna hue| iMglaiMDameM tathA hiMdustAnameM saba daloMkI orase madada milI aura Age kArya karanekI nIti aura mArga nizcita huA / . bAlAsuMdaram jaisI jisakI bhAvanA hotI hai vaisA hI usako phala milA karatA hai / apanepara yaha niyama ghaTA huA maiMne aneka bAra dekhA hai| logoMkI, athAt garIboMkI, sevA karanekI merI prabala icchAne garIboMke sAtha merA saMbaMdha hamezA anAyAsa bAMdha diyA hai|

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 dAma iMDiyA kAMgresa meM yadyapi upanivezoMmeM janme bhAratIyoMne praveza kiyA thA, kArakUna loga zarIka hue the, phira bhI usameM abhI majUra giramiTiyA loga sammilita na hue the| kAMgresa abhI unakI na huI thii| ve caMdA dekara, usake sadasya hokara, use apanA na sake the| kAMgresake prati unakA prema paidA tabhI ho sakatA thA, jaba kAMgresa unakI sevA kre| aisA avasara apane-Apa A gayA, aura mo bhI aise samaya, jabaki khuda maiM athavA kAMgresa usake lie muzkilase taiyAra thI; kyoMki abhI mujhe vakAlata zurU kiye do-cAra mahIne bhI muzkilase hue hoNge| kAMgresa bhI bAlyAvasthA meM ho thii| inhIM dinoM eka dina eka madarAsI hAthameM pheMTA rakhakara rotAhanA mere sAmane Akara khar3A ho gyaa| kapaDe usake phaTe-purAne the| usakA zarIra kAMpa rahA thaa| sAmane ke do dAMta TUTe hue the aura muMhase khUna baha rahA thA / usake mAlikane use bedardIye pITA thaa| maiMne apane muMzIse jo tAmila jAnatA thA, usakI hAlata puchadAI / bAlAsundaram eka pratiSThita goreke yahAM majUrI karatA thaa| mAlika kisI bAtapara usapara bigar3a par3A aura Aga-babUlA hokara use burI taraha usane pITa DAlA, jisase bAlAmundarama ke do dAMta TUTa gaye / ___ maiMne use DAkTarake yahAM bhejaa| usa samaya gore DAkTara hI vahAM the| mujhe coTa-saMbaMdhI pramANa-patrakI jarUrata thii| use lekara maiM bAlAsuMdaramko adAlatameM le gyaa| bAlAsuMdaramne apanA halaphiyA bayAna likhvaayaa| par3hakara majisTreTako mAlikapara bar3A gussA aayaa| usane mAlikako talava karanekA hukma diyaa| merI icchA yaha na thI ki mAlikako sajA ho jAya / mujhe to sirpha bAlAsuMdaramako usake yahAMse chur3avAnA thaa| maiMne giramiTa-saMbaMdhI kAnUnako acchI taraha dekha liyaa| mAmUlI naukara yadi naukarI chor3a de to mAlika usapara dIvAnI dAvA kara sakatA hai, phaujadArImeM nahIM le jA sktaa| giramiTa aura mAmUlI naukaroMmeM yoM bar3A pharka thA; para usameM mukhya bAta yaha thI ki giramiTiyA yadi mAlikako chor3a de to vaha phaujadArI jurma samajhA jAtA thA aura isalie use kaida bhoganI pdd'tii| isI kAraNa sara viliyama vilasana haMTarane isa hAlatako 'gulAmI '-jaisA batAyA hai| gulAmakI taraha giramiTiyA mAlikakI saMpatti samajhA jaataa| bAlAsuMdaramko mAlikake caMgalase chur3Aneke do hI upAya theyA to giramiTiyoMkA aphasara, jo kAnUnake anusAra unakA rakSaka samajhA jAtA

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adhyAya 20 : bAlAsuMdaram 157 thA, giramiTa rada kara de, yA dUsareke nAmapara car3hA de athavA mAlika khuda use chor3ane ke lie taiyAra hojAya / maiM mAlikase milA aura usase kahA--- " maiM Apako sajA karAnA nahIM caahtaa| Apa jAnate haiM ki use sakhta coTa pahuMcI hai| yadi Apa usakI giramiTa dUsareke nAma car3hAneko taiyAra hote hoM to mujhe saMtoSa ho jaaygaa|" mAlika bhI yahI cAhatA thaa| phira maiM usa rakSaka aphasarase milaa| usane bhI rajAmaMdI to jAhira kI; para isa zartapara ki maiM bAlAsuMdarake lie nayA mAlika DhUMDha duu| aba mujhe nayA aMgreja mAlika khojanA thaa| bhAratIya loga giraniTiyoMko nahIM rakha sakate the| abhI thor3e hI aMgrejoMse merI jAna-pahacAna ho pAI thii| phira bhI ekase jAkara milA / usane majhapara meharabAnI karake bAlAsuMdaramko rakhanA maMjUra kara liyaa| maiMne kRtajJatA pradarzita kii| majisTreTane mAlikako aparAdhI karAra diyA aura yaha bAta noTa kara lI ki mujarimane bAlAsuMdaramkI giramiTa dUsareke nAma para car3hA denA svIkAra kiyA hai / dAmAdarama mAmalekI bAta giramiTiyoM meM cAroM ora phaila gaI aura maiM unake baMdhuke nAbhase prasiddha ho gyaa| mujhe yaha saMbaMdha priya huaa| phalataH mere daphtara meM giramiTiyoMkI bAr3ha Ane lagI aura mujhe unake sukha-duHkha jAnanekI bar3I suvidhA mila gii| bAlAsuMdaramke mAmalekI dhvani TheTha madarAsataka jA phuNcii| usa ilAkeke jina-jina jagahoMse loga neTAlakI giramiTameM gaye unheM giramiTiyoMne isa bAtakA paricaya kraayaa| mAmalA koI itanA mahattvapUrNa na thA; phira bhI logoMko yaha bAta naI mAlUma huI ki unake lie koI sArvajanika kAryakartA taiyAra ho gyaa| isa bAtase unheM tasallI aura utsAha milaa| maiMne likhA hai ki bAlAsuMdaram apanA pheMTA utArakara use apane hAtha meM rakhakara mere sAmane AyA thaa| isa dRzyameM bar3A hI karuNa-rasa bharA huA hai| yaha hameM nIcA dikhAnevAlI bAta hai| merI pagar3I utAranekI ghaTanA pAThakoMko mAlUma hI hai / koI bhI giramiTiyA tathA dUsarA navAgata hiMdustAnI kisI goreke yahAM jAtA to usake sammAnake lie pagar3I utAra letA--phira TopI ho, yA pagar3I, athavA pheMTA ho| donoM hAthoMse salAma karanA kAphI na thaa| bAlA

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158 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 muMdaramne socA ki mere sAmane bhI isI taraha jAyA jAtA hogaa| bAlAsuMdaramkA yaha dRzya mere lie pahalA anubhava thaa| maiM zaramiMdA huaa| maiMne bAlAsuMdaramse kahA, "pahale pheMTA sirapara bAMdha lo|" bar3e saMkocase usane pheMTA vAMdhA; para maiMne dekhA ki isase use bar3I khuzI huii| maiM abataka yaha gutthI na sulajhA sakA ki dUsaroMko nIce jhukAkara loga usameM apanA sammAna kisa taraha mAna sakate hoNge| tIna pauMDakA kara bAlAsaMdaramavAlI ghaTanAne giramiTiyoMke sAtha merA saMbaMdha jor3a diyA; paraMtu unakI sthitikA gaharA adhyayana to mujhe unapara kara baiThAnekI jo hala-cala calI usake phalasvarUpa karanA par3A / 1894meM neTAla-sarakArane giramiTiyA hiMdustAniyoMpara prativarSa 25 pauMDa athAt 375) kA kara biThAnekA bila taiyAra kiyaa| isa masavide ko par3hakara maiM to bhaucaka raha gyaa| maiMne use sthAnika kAMgresameM peza kiyA aura kAMgresane usake lie Avazyaka halacala karanekA prastAva svIkAra kiyA / isa karakA byorA thor3A suna lIjie 1860 IsvIke lagabhaga, jabaki neTAlake goroMne dekhA ki yahAM IkhakI khetI acchI ho sakatI hai, unhoMne majUroMkI khoja karanA zurU kii| yadi majUra na mileM to na gannekI phasala ho sakatI thI, na gur3a-zakkara bana sakatA thaa| neTAlake habazI isa kAmako nahIM kara sakate the| isalie neTAlavAsI goroMne bhAratasarakArase likhA-par3hI karake hiMdustAnI majUroMko neTAla le jAnekI ijAjata hAsila kara lii| unheM lAlaca diyA gayA thA ki tumheM pAMca sAla to baMdhakara hamAre yahAM kAma karanA par3egA, phira AjAda ho, zaukase neTAlameM rho| unheM jamInakA haka milkiyata bhI pUrA diyA gayA thaa| usa samaya goroMkI yaha icchA thI ki hiMdustAnI majadUra pAMca sAlakI giramiTa pUrI karaneke bAda khuzIse jamIna joteM aura apanI mehanatakA lAbha neTAlako pahuMcAveM / bhAratIya kuliyoMne neTAlako yaha lAbha AzAse adhika diyA / taraha

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adhyAya 21 : tIna pauMDakA kara 156 tarahI sAga tarakAriyAM boI | hiMdustAnakI kitanI hI mIThI tarakAriyAM boI | jo sAga tarakArI vahAM pahalese milatI thIM unheM sastA kara diyA / hiMdustAna grAma lAkara lagAyA; para isake sAtha hI ve vyApAra bhI karane lage / ghara banAneke lie jamIneM kharIdIM aura majUrase acche jamIMdAra aura mAlika banane lage / majUrakI dazAse mAlikakI dazAko pahuMcanevAle logoMke pIche svataMtra vyApArI vahAM Aye / svargIya seTha abubakara Adama sabase pahale vyApArI the, jo vahAM gaye / unhoMne apanA kArabAra khUba jamAyA / isase gore vyApArI cauNke| jaba unhoMne bhAratIya kuliyoMko bulAyA aura unakA svAgata kiyA taba unheM unakI vyApAra kSamatAkA aMdAja na huA thA / unake kisAna banakara AjAdI ke sAtha rahane meM to usa samayataka unheM Apatti na thI, paraMtu vyApArameM unakI pratispardhA unheM nAgavAra ho gaI / yaha hai hiMdustAniyoMke khilApha AvAja uThAnekA mUla kAraNa / aba isameM aura bAta bhI zAmila ho gii| hamArI bhinna aura viziSTa rahana-sahana, hamArI sAdagI, hameM thor3e munAphese honevAlA saMtoSa, Arogyake niyamoMke viSayameM hamArI lAparavAhI, ghara-prAMganako sApha rakhane kA Alasya, use sAphasutharA rakhane meM kaMjUsI, hamAre jude jude dharma -- ye saba bAteM isa virodhako bar3hAnevAlI thIM / yaha virodha eka to usa matAdhikArako chIna leneke rUpameM aura dUsarA giramiTiyoMpara kara baiThAne ke rUpameM sAmane AyA / kAnUnake alAvA bhI tarahatara khurapaTTI cala rahI thI so alaga / pahalI tajavIja yaha peza huI thI ki pAMca sAla pUre honepara giramiTiyA jabaradastI vApasa lauTA diyA jaay| vaha isa taraha ki usakI giramiTa hiMdustAna meM jAkara pUrI ho; para isa tajavIja ko bhArata sarakAra manjUra na kara sakatI thI / taba aisI tajavIja huI ki -- 1 - majadUrIkA ikarAra pUrA honepara giramiTiyA vApasa hiMdustAna calA jAya / athavA- 2- do-do varSakI giramiTa naye sirese karAtA rahe aura aisI hara giramiTake samaya usake vetanameM kucha vRddhi hotI rahe / -

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Atma kathA : bhAga 2 3---yadi vApasa na jAya aura phirase majadUrIkA ikarAra bhI na kare to use hara sAla 25 pauMDa kara denA cAhie / isa tajavIjako maMjUra karAne ke lie sara henarI bInsa tathA mi0 mesanakA ziSTa-maMDala hiMdustAna bhejA gyaa| usa samaya lArDa elgina vAyasarAya the| unhoMne paccIsa pauMDakA kara nAmaMjUra kara diyA; para yaha mAna liyA ki sirpha tIna pauMDa kara liyA jAya / mujhe usa samaya bhI lagA aura Aja bhI lagatA hai ki vAyasarAyane yaha jabaradasta bhUla kI thii| unhoMne isa bAta meM hiMdustAnake hitakA bilakula khayAla na kiyaa| unakA yaha dharma kataI na thA ki vaha neTAlake goroMko itanI suvidhA kara deN| yaha bhI taya huA ki tIna-cAra varSa bAda aise hiMdustAnIkI strIse, unake hara 16 varSa tathA usase adhika unake pratyeka putrase aura 13 varSakI tathA usase adhika umnabAlI lar3akIse bhI kara liyA jAya / isa taraha pati-patnI aura do baccoMke parivArase, jisameM patiko muzkilase bahuta-se-bahuta 14 ziliMga mAsika milate hoM, 12 pauMDa arthAt 180) kara lenA mahAn atyAcAra hai| duniyAmeM kahIM bhI aisA kara aisI sthitibAle logoMse nahIM liyA jAtA thA / ___ isa karake virodhameM ghora lar3AI chidd'ii| yadi neTAla-iMDiyana kAMgresa kI orase bilakula AvAja na uThI hotI to vAyasarAya zAyada 25 pauMDa bhI maMjUra kara lete| 25 pauMDake 3 pauMDa honA bhI, bilakula saMbhava hai, kAMgresake AMdolana kA hI pariNAma ho / para mere isa aMdAjameM bhUla honA saMbhava hai| saMbhava hai, bhAratasarakArane apana-Apa hI 25 pauMDako asvIkAra kara diyA ho aura binA kAMgresake virodhake 3 pauMDakA kara svIkAra kara liyA ho| phira bhI vaha hiMdustAnake hitakA to bhaMga thA hii| hiMdustAnake hita-rakSakakI haisiyatase aisA amAnuSa kara vAyasarAyako haragija na baiThAnA cAhie thA / paccIsase tIna pauMDa ( 375 ru0se 45 ru0 ) honeke lie kAMgresa bhalA zreya bhI kyA le ? kAMgresako to yahI bAta khalI ki vaha giramiTiyoMke hitakI pUrI-pUrI rakSA na kara sakI, aura kAMgresane apanA yaha nizcaya ki tIna pauMDakA kara to avazya radda ho jAnA cAhie, kabhI DhIlA na kiyA thaa| isa nizcayako pUrA hue Aja 20 varSa ho ge| usameM akele neTAlake hI nahIM, baran sAre dakSiNa aphrikAke bhAratavAsiyoMko jUjhanA par3A thaa| isameM gokhaleko bhI nimitta bananA

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adhyAya 22 : dharma-nirIkSaNa 161 par3A thA / usameM giramiTiyoMko pUrA-pUrA yoga denA par3A / kitanoMko hI golIkA zikAra honA pdd'aa| dasa hajArase Upara hiMdustAniyoMko jela bhoganI par3I / para aMta meM satya vijayI huA / hiMdustAniyoMkI tapazcaryAke rUpameM satya pratyakSa prakaTa huA / usake lie ghaTala zraddhA, dhIraja aura satata AMdolanakI zrAvazyakatA thI / yadi loga hArakara baiTha jAte, kAMgresa lar3AIko bhUla jAtI, aura karako anivArya samajhakara ghuTane Teka detI, to Ajataka yaha kara giramiTiyAMsa liyA jAtA hotA aura isake pakSakA TIkA sAre dakSiNa akIkA ke bhAratavAsiyoMko tathA sAre bhAratavarSako lagatA / 22 dharma-nirIkSaNa isa prakAra jo maiM loka-sevAmeM tallIna ho gayA thA, usakA kAraNa thA Atma-darzanakI abhilASA / yaha samajhakara ki sevAke dvArA hI IzvarakI pahacAna ho sakatI hai, maiMne sevA-dharma svIkAra kiyA thaa| maiM bhAratakI sevA karatA thA, kyoMki vaha mujhe sahaja prApta thI, usameM merI ruci thI / usakI khoja mujhe na karanI par3I thii| maiM to saphara karane, kAThiyAvAr3ake SaDyaMtroMse chUTane aura grAjIvikA prApta karaneke lie dakSiNa aphrIkA gayA thA; para par3a gayA IzvarakI khoja meM-Atma-darzana ke prayatna meM / IsAI - bhAiyoMne merI jijJAsA bahuta tIvra kara dI thI / vaha kisI prakAra zAMta na ho sakatI thI aura maiM zAMta honA cAhatA bhI to IsAI bhAI-bahana aisA na hone dete; kyoMki DarabanameM mi0 speMsara vAlTanane, joki dakSiNa tara mizanake mukhiyA the, mujhe khoja nikAlA / maiM bhI unakA eka kuTuMbIjanasA ho gyaa| isa saMbaMdhakA mUla hai priToriyAmeM unase huA samAgama / mi0 vAlTanakA tarja kucha aura hI thaa| mujhe nahIM yAda par3atA ki unhoMne kabhI IsAI . vanakI bAta mujhase kahI ho; balki unhoMne to apanA sArA jIvana kholakara mere sAmane rakha diyA, apanA tamAma kAma aura halacalake nirIkSaNakA avasara mujhe de diyaa| unakI dharma-patnI bhI bar3I namra, paraMtu tejasvI thIM / mujhe isa daMpatI kI kArya-paddhati pasaMda AtI thI; paraMtu hamAre aMdara jo

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162 Atma-kathA: bhAga 2 maulika bheda the, unheM hama donoM jAnate the| carcAdvArA una bhedoMko miTA denA asaMbhava thaa| jahAM-jahAM udAratA, sahiSNutA aura satya hai, vahAM bheda bhI lAbhadAyaka hote haiN| mujhe isa daMpatIkI namratA, udyamazIlatA aura kArya-parAyaNatA bar3I priya thii| isase hama bAra-bAra milA karate / isa saMbaMdhane mujhe jAgaruka kara rakkhA / dhArmika paThanake lie jo phurasata priToriyAmeM mujhe mila gaI thI vaha to aba asaMbhava thI; paraMtu jo-kucha bhI samaya mila jAtA usakA upayoga meM svAdhyAyameM karatA; merA patra-vyavahAra barAbara jArI thaa| rAyacaMdabhAI merA patha-pradarzana kara rahe the| kisI mitrane mujhe isa saMbaMdhameM narmadAzaMkara kI 'dharmavicAra' nAmaka pustaka bhejii| usakI prastAbanAse mujhe sahAyatA milii| narmadAzaMkarake vilAsI jIvanakI bAteM sunI thiiN| prastAvanAmeM unake jIvana meM hue parivartanoMkA varNana maiMne par3hA aura usane mujhe AkarSita kiyA, jisase ki usa pustakake prati merA Adara-bhAva bddh'aa| maiMne use dhyAnapUrvaka pddh'aa| maiksamUlarakI pustaka 'hiMdustAnase hameM kyA zikSA milatI hai ? ' maiMne bar3I dilacaspIse pddh'ii| thiyosophikala sosAiTI dvArA prakAzita upaniSadoMkA anuvAda pddh'aa| usase hiMdU-dharmake prati merA Adara bddh'aa| usakI khUbI maiM samajhane lagA, paraMtu isase dUsare dharmoM ke prati mere mana meM abhAva na utpanna huaa| vAziMgaTana iraviMga-kRta muhammadakA carita aura kArlAila-racita 'muhammada-stuti ' pddh'ii| phalataH paigaMbara sAhabake prati bhI merA Adara bddh'aa| 'jarathustake vacana' nAmaka pustaka bhI pddh'ii| isa prakAra maiMne bhinna-bhinna saMpradAyoMkA kama-jyAdA jJAna prApta kiyA / isase Atma-nirIkSaNa bddh'aa| jo-kucha par3hA yA pasaMda huA usapara calanekI Adata bddh'ii| isase hiMdU-dharmameM varNita prANAyAma-viSayaka kitanI hI kriyAyeM, pustakeM par3hakara maiM jaisI samajha sakA thA, zurU kI, para kucha silasilA jamA nhiiN| maiM Age na bar3ha skaa| socA ki jaba bhArata lauTuMgA taba kisI zikSakase sIkha lugA, para vaha abataka pUrA na ho pAyA / TAlsTAyakI pustakoMkA svAdhyAya bddh'aayaa| unakI 'gospela .. ina 'gujarAtake eka prasiddha kavi /

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adhyAya 22 dharma-nirIkSaNa 163 zrIpha', 'vhATa-Tu DU ityAdi pustakoMne mere dilapara gaharI chApa ddaalii| vizvaprema manuSyako kahAMtaka le jAtA hai, yaha maiM usase adhikAdhika samajhane lgaa| __ inhIM dinoM eka dUsare IsAI-kuTuMbake sAtha merA saMbaMdha bNdhaa| una logoMkI icchAse maiM vesliyana girajAmeM hara ravivArako jaataa| prAyaH hara ravivArako merA zAmakA khAnA bhI unhIMke yahAM hotaa| vesliyana girajAkA mujhapara acchA asara na huaa| vahAM jo pravacana huA karate the ve mujhe nIrasa mAlama hue| upasthita janoMmeM mujhe bhakti-bhAva na dikhAI diyaa| gyAraha baje ekatra honevAlI yaha maMDalI mujhe bhaktoMkI nahIM, balki kucha to manovinodake lie aura kucha prathAke prabhAvase ekatra hone vAle saMsArI jIvoMkI TolI mAlUma huI / kabhI to isa sabhA meM barabasa mujhe nIMdake jhoMke Ane lagate, jisase maiM lajjita hotA; para jaba maiM apane AsapAsavAloMko bhI jhoke khAte dekhatA, to merI lajjA halakI par3a jaatii| apanI yaha sthiti mujhe acchI na mAlUma huii| aMtako maiMne girajA jAnA hI chor3a diyA / jisa parivArake yahAM maiM hara ravivArako jAtA thA, vahAMse bhI mujhe isa tarahase chuTTI milI / gRha-svAminI bholI, bhalI, paraMtu saMkucita vicAravAlI mAlUma huii| usake sAtha hara vakta kucha-na-kucha dhArmika carcA huaA hI krtii| una dinoM maiM gharapara 'lAiTa Apha eziyA' par3ha rahA thaa| eka dina hama IsA aura buddhakI tulanAke pherameM par3a gaye-- "buddhakI dayAko dekhie / manuSya-jAtise Age bar3hakara vaha dUsare prANiyoMtaka jA phuNcii| usake kaMdhepara kilola karanevAle memanekA dRzya prAMkhoMke sAmane Ate hI ApakA dRzya premase nahIM umar3a par3atA ? prANimAtrake prati yaha prema mujhe IsAke jIvana meM kahIM dikhAI nahIM detaa|" mere isa kathanase usa vahanako duHkha huaa| maiM unakI bhAvanAko samajha gayA va apanI bAta Age na claaii| bAdako hama bhojana karane gye| usakA koI pAMca sAlakA haMsamukha baccA hamAre sAtha thaa| bAlaka mere sAtha honepara mujhe phira kisa bAtakI jarUrata ? usake sAtha maiMne dostI to pahale hI kara lI thii| maiMne usakI thAlI meM par3e mAMsake Tukar3ekA majAka kiyA aura apanI rakAbImeM zobhita 'maNDala se isakA anuvAda kyA kareM? ' nAmase prakAzita huA hai|

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162 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 maulika bheda the, unheM hama donoM jAnate the| carcAdvArA una bhedoMko miTA denA asaMbhava thaa| jahAM-jahAM udAratA, sahiSNutA aura satya hai, vahAM bheda bhI lAbhadAyaka hote haiN| mujhe isa daMpatIkI namratA, udyamazIlatA aura kArya-parAyaNatA bar3I priya thii| isase hama bAra-bAra milA karate / isa saMbaMdhane mujhe jAgaruka kara rakkhA / dhArmika paThanake lie jo phurasata priToriyAmeM mujhe mila gaI thI vaha to aba asaMbhava thI; paraMtu jo kucha bhI samaya mila jAtA usakA upayoga meM svAdhyAyameM karatA; merA patra-vyavahAra barAbara jArI thaa| rAyacaMdabhAI merA patha-pradarzana kara rahe the| kisI mitrane mujhe isa saMbaMdhameM narmadAzaMkara kI 'dharmavicAra' nAmaka pustaka bhejii| usakI prastAbanAse mujhe sahAyatA milii| narmadAzaMkarake vilAsI jIvanakI bAteM sunI thiiN| prastAvanAmeM unake jIvanameM hue parivartanoMkA varNana maiMne par3hA aura usane mujhe AkarSita kiyA, jisase ki usa pustakake prati merA Adara-bhAva bddh'aa| maiMne use dhyAnapUrvaka par3hA / maiksamUlarakI pustaka 'hiMdustAnase hameM kyA zikSA milatI hai ? ' maiMne bar3I dilacaspIse pddh'ii| thiyosophikala sosAiTI dvArA prakAzita upaniSadoMkA anuvAda pddh'aa| usase hiMdU-dharmake prati merA Adara bddh'aa| usakI khUbI maiM samajhane lagA, paraMtu isase dUsare dharmoke prati mere manameM abhAva na utpanna huaa| vAziMgaTana iraviMga-kRta muhammadakA carita aura kArlAila-racita 'muhammada-stuti ' pddh'ii| phalataH paigaMbara sAhabake prati bhI merA Adara bar3hA / 'jarathustake vacana' nAmaka pustaka bhI pddh'ii| - isa prakAra maiMne bhinna-bhinna saMpradAyoMka kama-jyAdA jJAna prApta kiyA / isase Atma-nirIkSaNa bddh'aa| jo-kucha par3hAyA pasaMda huA usapara calanekI Adata bddh'ii| isase hiMdU-dharmameM vaNita prANAyAma-viSayaka kitanI hI kriyAyeM, pustakeM par3hakara maiM jaisI samajha sakA thA, zurU kI, para kucha silasilA jamA nhiiN| maiM Age na bar3ha skaa| socA ki jaba bhArata lauTUMgA taba kisI zikSakase sIkha lagA, para vaha abataka pUrA na ho pAyA / TAlsTAyakI pustakoMkA svAdhyAya bddh'aayaa| unakI 'gospela ina .. . . . .. 'gujarAtake eka prasiddha kavi /

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adhyAya 22 : dharma-nirIkSaNa 163 bIpha', 'vhATa-Tu DU'' ityAdi pustakoMne mere dilapara gaharI chApa ddaalii| vizvaprema manuSyako kahAMtaka le jAtA hai, yaha maiM usase adhikAdhika samajhane lgaa| inhIM dinoM eka dUsare IsAI-kuTuMbake sAtha merA saMbaMdha bNdhaa| una logoMkI icchAse maiM vesliyana girajAmeM hara ravivArako jaataa| prAyaH hara ravivArako merA zAmakA khAnA bhI unhIMke yahAM hotA / vesliyana girajAkA mujhapara acchA asara nhuaa| vahAM jo pravacana huA karate the ve mujhe nIrasa mAluma hue| upasthita janoMmeM majhe bhakti-bhAva na dikhAI diyaa| gyAraha baje ekatra honevAlI yaha maMDalI mujhe bhaktoMkI nahIM, balki kucha to manovinodake lie aura kucha prathAke prabhAvase ekatra honevAle saMsArI jIvoMkI TolI mAlUma huii| kabhI to isa sabhA meM barabasa mujhe nIMdake jhoMke Ane lagate, jisase maiM lajjita hotA; para jaba maiM apane AsapAsavAloMko bhI jhoMke khAte dekhatA, to merI lajjA halakI par3a jaatii| apanI yaha sthiti mujhe acchI na mAlUma huii| aMtako maiMne girajA jAnA hI chor3a diyA / ___ jisa parivArake yahAM maiM hara ravivArako jAtA thA, vahAMse bhI mujhe isa tarahase chuTTI milI / gRha-svAminI bholI, bhalI, paraMtu saMkucita vicAravAlI mAlUma huii| usake sAtha hara vakta kucha-na-kucha dhArmika carcA huA hI krtii| una dinoM maiM gharapara 'lAiTa Apha eziyA' par3ha rahA thaa| eka dina hama IsA aura buddhakI tulanAke pherameM par3a gaye-- - "buddhakI dayAko dekhie / manuSya-jAtise Age bar3hakara vaha dUsare prANiyoMtaka jA phuNcii| usake kaMdhepara kilola karanevAle memanekA dRzya prAMkhoMke sAmane Ate hI ApakA dRzya premase nahIM umar3a par3atA ? prANimAtrake prati yaha prema mujhe IsAke jIvanameM kahIM dikhAI nahIM detA / " mere isa kathanase usa bahanako duHkha huaa| maiM unakI bhAvanAko samajha gayA va apanI bAta Age na claaii| bAdako hama bhojana karane gaye / usakA koI pAMca sAlakA haMsamukha baccA hamAre sAtha thaa| bAlaka mere sAtha honepara mujhe phira kisa bAtakI jarUrata ? usake sAtha maiMne dostI to pahale hI kara lI thii| maiMne usakI thAlI meM par3e mAMsake Tukar3ekA majAka kiyA aura apanI rakAbImeM zobhita 1 maNDala'se isakA anuvAda kyA kareM ? ' nAmase prakAzita huA hai|

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0 164 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 nAsapatIkI stuti zurU kI / bholAbhAlA bAlaka rIjhA aura nAsapAtIkI stutimeM zarIka ho gayA / paraMtu mAtA ? vaha to becArI duHkhameM par3a gaI / maiM cetA / cupa ho rahA aura bAtakA viSaya badala diyA / dUsare saptAhameM sAvadhAna rahakara usake yahAM gayA to, para merA pAMva mujhe bhArI mAlUma ho rahA thA / apane Apa usake yahAM jAnA baMda kara denA mujhe na sUjhA, na ucita mAlUma huA; para usa bhalI bahanane hI merI kaThinAI hala kara dI / vaha bolI -- " mi0 gAMdhI, Apa burA na mAneM, ApakI sohabatakA asara mere lar3akepara burA hone lagA hai| aba vaha roja mAMsa khAne meM AnAkAnI karane lagA hai aura usa dinakI ApakI bAtacItakI yAda dilAkara phala mAMgatA hai / mujhe yaha gavArA na ho sakegA / merA baccA yadi mAMsa khAnA chor3a de to cAhe bImAra na ho; para kamajora jarUra ho jAyagA / maiM yaha kaise dekha sakatI hUM ? yApakI carcA hama praur3ha logoM meM to phAyademaMda ho sakatI hai; para baccoMpara to usakA asara burA hI par3atA hai / 'miseja - mujhe kheda hai| Apake, -- mAtA ke manobhAvako maiM samajha sakatA huuN| mere bhI bAla-bacce haiN| isa ApattikA aMta AsAnI se ho sakatA hai| merI bAtacIta kI apekSA mere khAna-pAnakA aura usako dekhanekA asara bAlakoMpara bahuta jyAdA hotA hai / isalie sIdhA rAstA yaha hai ki aba se ravivArako maiM Apake yahAM na AyA kruuN| hamArI mitratAmeM isase kisI prakAra pharka na AvegA / " 44 21 'maiM prApakA ahasAna mAnatI hUM / " bAIne khuza hokara uttara diyA / 23 gRha-vyavasthA baMbaI meM tathA vilAyata meM maiMne jo ghara-gRhasthI sajAI thI, usameM aura neTAlameM jo ghara basAnA par3A usameM bhinnatA thI / neTAlameM kitanA hI kharca to mahaja pratiSThA lie maiM uThA rahA thA / maiMne yaha mAna liyA thA ki bhAratIya bairisTara aura bhAratIyoM ke pratinidhiko haisiyatase neTAlameM mujhe apanI rahana-sahana kharcIlI -

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adhyAya 23 : gRha-vyavasthA 165 rakhanI cAhie / isa kAraNa acche muhallemeM bar3hiyA ghara liyA thA / gharako sajAyA bhI acchI taraha thaa| khAna-pAna to sAdA thA; paraMtu aMgreja mitroMko bhojanake lie bulAyA karatA thA aura hiMdustAnI sAthiyoMko bhI nimaMtraNa diyA karatA thA, isalie Apa hI kharca aura bhI bar3ha gayA thA / naukara kI taMgI sabhI jagaha rahA karatI / kisIko naukara banAkara rakhanA Ajataka maiMne jAnA hI nahIM / mere sAtha eka sAthI thA / eka rasoiyA bhI rakkhA thA / vaha kuTuMbI hI bana gayA thA / daphtara ke kArakunoMmeMse bhI jo rakkhe jA sakate the, unheM varameM hI rakkhA thA / merA vizvAsa hai ki yaha prayoga ThIka saphala huA; paraMtu mujhe saMsArake kaTu anubhava bhI kAphI mile / vaha sAthI bahuta hoziyAra aura merI samajhake anusAra vaphAdAra thA; para meM use pahacAna na sakA / daphtara ke eka kArakunako maiMne gharameM rakkhA thA / isa sAthIko usakI IrSyA huI / usane aisA jAla racA ki jisase maiM kArakunapara zaka karane lguuN| yaha kArakuna bar3I AjAda tabIyata ke the / unhoMne ghara aura daphtara donoM chor3a diye / isase mujhe duHkha huA / unake sAtha kahIM anyAya na hunA ho, yaha khayAla bhItara-hI-bhItara mujhe noca rahA thA / isI bIca mere rasoiyeko kisI kAraNase dUsarI jagaha jAnA par3A / maiMne use apane mitrakI sevA suzrUSAke lie rakkhA thA, isalie usakI jagaha dUsarA rasoiyA lAyA gayA / bAdako maiMne dekhA ki vaha zakhsa ur3atI cir3iyA bhAMpanevAlA thA; para vaha mujhe isa taraha upayogI ho gayA, mAno mujhe usakI jarUrata rahI ho / isa rasoiyeko rakkhe muzkila se do-tIna hI dina hue hoMge ki itanemeM usane mere gharakI eka bhayaMkara burAIko tAr3a liyA, jo mere dhyAnameM na AI thI, aura usane mujhe saceta karanekA nizcaya kiyA / meM vizvAsazIla aura apekSAkRta bhalA AdamI hUM, yaha dhAraNA logoMko ho rahI thI, isa kAraNa rasoiyeko mere hI gharameM phailI gaMdagI bhayAnaka mAlUma huI / maiM dopahara ke bhojanake lie daphtarase eka baje ghara jAtA thA / koI bAraha baje hoMge ki vaha rasoiyA hAMphatA huA daur3A AyA aura mujhase kahA-

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166 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 " " Apako agara kucha dekhanA ho to abhI mere sAtha ghara calie / maiMne kahA ---" isakA kyA matalaba ? kaho bhI AAkhira kyA bAta hai ? aise vakta mere ghara AnekI kyA jarUrata, aura dekhanA bhI kyA hai ? "" 66 32 'noge to pachatAoge / Apako isase jyAdA nahIM kahanA cAhatA / rasoiyA volA / usakI dRr3hatAne mujhapara asara kiyA / apane muMzIko sAtha lekara ghara gayA / rasoiyA Age calA / "1 ghara pahuMcate hI vaha mujhe dumaMjilepara le gayA / jisa kamaremeM vaha sAthI rahatA thA, usakI ora izArA karake kahA--' isa kamareko kholakara dekho / aba meM samajhA, maiMne daravAjA khttkhttaayaa| javAba kyA milatA ? maiMne bar3e jorase daravAjA ThoMkA | dIvAra kAMpa utthii| daravAjA khulA / aMdara eka badacalana aurata thii| maiMne usase kahA -- "vahana, tuma to yahAMse isI dama cala do / aba bhUlakara yahAM kadama mata rakhanA / 11 sAthIse kahA -- 'Ajase ApakA merA saMbaMdha TUTA / meM abataka khUba dhokhe meM rahA aura bevakUpha banA / mere vizvAsakA badalA yahI milanA cAhie thA ? sAthI bigar3A / mujhe dhamakI dene lagA -- "tumhArI saba bAteM prakaTa kara dUMgA / 33 " 'mere pAsa koI gupta bAta hai hI nahIM / maiMne jo kucha kiyA ho use khuzI se prakaTa kara denA; para tumhArA saMbaMdha grAjase khatma hai / 11 sAthI adhika garma huA / maiMne nIce khar3e muMzIse kahA -- " tuma jAno; pulisa supariTeMDeMTa se merA salAma kaho aura kaho ki mere eka sAthIne mere sAtha dagA kiyA hai / use maiM apane gharameM rakhanA nahIM cAhatA / phira bhI vaha nikalane se inkAra karatA hai / meharavAnI karake madada bhejie / 11 " aparAdhI barAbara dIna nahIM / mere itanA kahate hI vaha ThaMDA pdd'aa| mAphI maaNgii| grAjijI se kahA--" supariTeMDeMTa ke yahAM AdamI na bhejie / aura turaMta ghara chor3a denA svIkAra kiyA / isa ghaTanAne ThIka samayapara mujhe sAvadhAna kiyA / vaha sAthI mere lie moha-rUpa aura aniSTa thA, yaha bAta aba jAkara meM spaSTa rUpase samajha sakA /

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adhyAya 23 : gRha-vyavasthA isa sAthIko rakhakara maiMne acchA kAma karaneke lie bure sAdhanako apanAyA thaa| kar3ave-karelekI belameM maiMne sugaMdhita beleke phUlakI AzA rakkhIM thii| sAthIkA cAla-calana acchA na thA, phira bhI maiMne mAna liyA thA ki vaha mere sAtha bevaphA na hogaa| use sudhAranekA prayatna karate hue mujhe khuda chIMTe lagate-lagate badhe / apane hitaiSiyoMkI salAhakA maiMne anAdara kiyaa| mohane mujhe aMdhA banA diyA thaa| yadi isa durghaTanAse merI AMkha na khulI hotI, mujhe satyakI khabara na par3I hotI, to saMbhava hai ki maiM kabhI vaha svArpaNa na kara sakatA, jo Aja kara pAyA hUM! merI sevA hamezA adhUrI rahatI; kyoMki yaha sAthI merI pragatiko roke binA nahIM rhtaa| mujhe usake lie vahuterA samaya denA pdd'taa| mujhe aMdheremeM rakhanekI, kumArgameM le jAnekI zakti usameM thii| para 'jAko rAkhe sAiyAM mAri sake nahiM koya / ' merI niSThA zuddha thii| isalie bhUleM karate hue bhI maiM baca gayA aura mere pahale anubhavane hI mujhe sAvadhAna kiyA / kauna jAne, Izvarane hI usa rasoiyeko preraNA kI ho ! vaha rasoI banAnA na jAnatA thA; paraMtu usake Aye binA mujhe koI sajaga na kara paataa| vaha bAI pahalI hI bAra mere dharama na pAI thI; paraMtu isa rasoiyekI taraha dUsarekI himmata nahIM par3atI; kyoMki saba jAnate the ki maiM usa sAthIpara behada vizvAsa rakhatA thA / __ itanI sabA karake rasoiyA usI dina aura usI kSaNa valA gyaa| usane kahA--" maiM Apake yahAM nahIM raha sktaa| Apa Thahare bhole AdamI; yahAM mujhajaisoMkA kAma nhiiN|" maiMne bhI usase rahanekA Agraha nahIM kiyA / usa kArakunapara zaka paidA karAnevAlA yaha sAthI hI thA, yaha bAta mujhe aba jAkara mAlUma huii| maiMne usa kArakunake sAtha nyAya karanekA bahuta udyoga kiyA; para maiM use pUrI taraha saMtoSa na de sakA / mujhe isa bAtakA sadA duHkha rhaa| phUTA baratana kitanA hI jhAlA jAya, vaha jhAlA huA hI mAnA jAyagA; nayA jaisA sAbita na hone pAyegA /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 dezakI ora aba dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM rahate hue mujhe tIna sAla ho gaye the / logoMse merI jAna-pahacAna ho gaI thii| ve mujhe jAnane-bUjhane lage the| 1896 I0 meM maiMne chaH mahIneke lie deza jAne kI ijAjata caahii| maiMne dekhA ki dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM mujhe bahuta samayataka rahanA hogaa| merI vakAlata ThIka-ThIka cala nikalI thii| sArvajanika kAmoMke lie loga merI vahAM AvazyakatA samajhate the| maiM bhI samajhatA thaa| isalie maiMne dakSiNa aphrikAmeM sakuTuMba rahanekA nizcaya kiyA aura isake lie deza jAnA ThIka smjhaa| phira yaha bhI dekhA ki deza jAnese kucha yahAMkA kAma bhI ho jaaygaa| dezameM logoMke sAmane yahAMke praznakI carcA karanese unakI adhika dilacaspI padA ho skegii| tIna pauMDakA kara eka bahatA huA ghAva thA / jabatakaM vaha uTha na jAtA, jIko baina nahIM ho sakatI thii| ___ para yadi maiM deza jAUM to phira kAMgresakA aura zikSA-maMDalake kAmakA kauna jimmA le ? do sAthiyoMpara najara gii| AdamajI miyAM khAna aura pArasI rustamajI / vyApArI-vargameM se bahutere kAma karanevAle Upara uTha Aye the; para unameM prathama paMktimeM Ane yogya yahI do sajjana aise the jo maMtrIkA kAma niyamita rUpase kara sakate the, aura jo dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM janme bhAratavAsiyoMkA mana haraNa kara sakate the| maMtrIke lie mAmUlI aMgrejI jAnanA to Avazyaka thA hii| maiMne inameMse svargIya AdamajI miyAM khAnako maMtrI-pada denekI siphAriza kI aura vaha svIkRta huii| anubhavase yaha pasaMdagI bahuta hI acchI sAbita huii| apanI udyogazIlatA, udAratA, miThAsa aura vivekake dvArA seTha prAdamajI miyAM khAnane apanA kAma saMtoSajanaka rItise kiyA aura sabako vizvAsa ho gayA ki maMtrIkA kAma karaneke lie vakIla-bairisTarakI athavA padavIdhArI bar3e aMgrejIdAMkI jarUrata na thii| 1896ke madhyameM maiM poMgolA jahAjase dezako ravAnA huaa| yaha kalakattA jAnevAlA jahAja thaa| jahAjameM yAtrI bahuta thor3e the| do aMgreja aphasara the| unakA merA

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adhyAya 24 : dezakI ora 166 aMcchA mela baiTha gayA / ekake sAtha to roja 1 ghaMTA zataraMja khelA karatA thaa| jahAjake DAkTarana mujhe eka 'tAmila-zikSaka' diyA thA aura maiMne usakA abhyAsa zurU kara diyA thaa| neTAlameM maiMne dekhA ki musalamAnoMke nikaTa paricayameM Aneke lie mujhe urda sIkhanI cAhie, tathA madarAsiyoMse saMbaMdha bAMdhaneke lie tAmila jAna lenA caahie| urdUke lie maiMne aMgreja mitrake kahanese Dekake yAtriyoMmeMse eka acchA maMzI khoja nikAlA thA, aura hama logoMkI par3hAI acchI calane lagI thii| aMgreja aphasarakI smaraNa-zakti mujhase teja thii| urdU akSaroMko pahacAnanemeM mujhe dikkata par3atI thI; para vaha to eka bAra zabda dekha lene ke bAda use bhUlatA hI na thA / maiMne apanI mehanatakI mAtrA bar3hAI bhI; para usakA mukAbalA na kara sakA / tAmilakI par3hAI bhI ThIka clii| usameM kisIkI madada na mila sakatI thii| pustaka likhI bhI isa taraha gaI thI ki bahuta madadakI jarUrata na thii| mujhe AzA thI ki deza jAneke bAda yaha par3hAI jArI raha sakegI; para aisA na ho paayaa| 1893ke bAda mujhe pustakeM par3hane kA avasara pradhAnataH jeloMmeM hI milA hai| ina donoM bhASAoMkA jJAnamaine bar3hAyA to; para vaha saba jela meM hI huA-tAmilakA dakSiNa aphrikAkI jela meM aura urdU kA yaravar3Ama para tAmila bolanekA abhyAsa kabhI na huaa| par3hanA to ThIka-ThIka A gayA thA; kiMtu par3hanekA avasara na pAnese usakA abhyAsa chUTasA jAtA hai, isa bAtakA mujhe barAbara duHkha banA rahatA hai| dakSiNa aphrIkAke madarAsI bhAiyoMse maiMne khaba prema-rasa piyA hai| unakA smaraNa mujhe pratikSaNa rahatA hai| jaba-jaba maiM kisI tAmilatelagUko dekhatA hUM, to unakI zraddhA, unakI udyogazIlatA, bahutoMkA niHsvArtha tyAga, yAda Aye binA nahIM rahatA, aura ye saba lagabhaga nirakSara the| jaise puruSa, vaisI hI striyaaN| dakSiNa aphrIkAkI lar3AI hI nirakSaroMkI thI aura nirakSara hI usake lar3anevAle the| vaha garIboMkI lar3AI thI aura garIba hI usameM juujhe| ina bhole aura bhale bhAratavAsiyoMkA citta curAneke lie bhASAkI bhinnatA kabhI bAdhaka na huii| ve TUTI-phUTI hiMdustAnI aura aMgrejI jAnate the aura usase hama apanA kAma calA lete the; para maiM to isa premakA badalA cukAne ke lie tAmila sIkhanA cAhatA thaa| ataH tAmila to kucha-kucha sIkha lii| telagU jAnanekA

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prayatna hiMdustAnameM kiyA; paraMtu varNamAlAse Age na bar3ha sakA / isa taraha tAmila-telagU na par3ha pAyA aura aba zAyada hI par3ha paauuN| isalie maiM yaha AzA rakha rahA hUM ki ye drAvir3a bhASA-bhASI hiMdustAnI sIkha leNge| dakSiNa aphrIkAke drAvir3a--- 'madrAsI' to avazya thor3I-bahuta hiMdI bolate haiM, muzkila hai aMgrejI pddh'e-likhoNkii| aisA mAlUma hotA hai, mAno aMgrejIkA jJAna hameM apanI bhASAyeM sIkhanemeM bAdhaka ho rahA hai / para yaha to viSayAMtara ho gyaa| hameM apanI yAtrA pUrI karanI caahie| abhI poMgolAke kaptAnakA paricaya karanA bAkI hai / astu / hama donoM mitra ho gaye the| yaha kaptAna plImatha adarake saMpradAyakA thaa| isalie jahAja-vidyAkI apekSA AdhyAtmika vidyAkI hI bAteM hama donoMmeM adhika huii| usane nIti aura dharma-zraddhAmeM pharka btaayaa| usakI dRSTi se bAibilakI zikSA lar3akoMkA khela thA / usakI khUbI usakI saralatA hai / bAlaka, strI-puruSa, saba IsAko aura usake balidAnako mAna leM ki basa, unake pApa dhula jaaveNge| isa plImatha badara ne mere priToriyAke 'bradara'kI pahacAna tAjA kara dii| jisa dharmameM nIti kI caukIdArI karanI par3atI ho vaha use nIrasa mAlUma huA / isa mitratA aura AdhyAtmika carcAkI tahameM thA merA 'annaahaar'| maiM mAMsa kyoM nahIM khAtA ? go-mAMsameM kyA burAI hai ? vanaspatikI taraha kyA pazu-pakSiyoMko bhI Izvarane manuSyake AnaMda tathA AhArake lie nahIM banAyA hai ? aisI praznamAlA AdhyAtmika vArtAlApa utpanna kiye binA nahIM raha sakatI thii| para hama donoM eka-dUsareko na samajhA ske| maiM apane isa vicArapara dRr3ha huA ki dharma aura nIti eka hI vastuke vAcaka haiM / idhara kaptAnako bhI apanI dhAraNAkI satyatApara saMdeha na thA / caubIsa dinake aMtameM yaha AnaMdadAyaka yAtrA pUrI huI, aura maiM hugalIkA sauMdarya nihAratA huA kalakattA utraa| usI dina maiMne baMbaI jAneke lie TikaTa kttaayaa|

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adhyAya 25 : hiMdustAna 25 hiMdustAnameM kalakattAse baMbaI jAte hue rAstemeM prayAga par3atA thaa| vahAM 45 minaTa gAr3I khar3I rahatI thii| maiMne socA ki itane samayameM jarA zahara dekha aauuN| mujhe davApharozake yahAMse davA bhI lenI thii| davApharoza UMghatA huA bAhara aayaa| davA dene meM bar3I dera lagA dii| jyoMhI maiM sTezana para pahuMcA, gAr3I calatI huI dikhAI dii| bhale sTezana mAsTarane gAr3I eka minaTa rokI bhI; para phira mujhe vApasa na AtA dekhakara merA sAmAna utaravA liyA / maiM kelanarake hoTalameM utarA aura yahAMse apanA kAma zurU karanekA nizcaya kiyaa| yahAMke (pAyoniyara' patrakI khyAti maiMne sunI thI / bhAratakI AkAMkSA oMkA vaha virodhI thA, yaha maiM jAnatA thaa| mujhe yAda par3atA hai ki usa samaya mi0 cejanI (choTe) usake saMpAdaka the| maiM to saba pakSake logoMse milakara sahAyatA prApta karanA cAhatA thaa| isalie mi0 cejanIko maiMne milaneke lie patra likhA / apanI Trena chUTa jAnekA hAla likhakara sUcita kiyA ki kala hI mujhe prayAgase calA jAnA hai| uttara meM unhoMne turaMta milaneke lie bulAyA / maiM khuza huaaa| unhoMne gaurase merI bAteM sunii| 'Apa jo kucha likheMge, maiM usapara turaMta TippaNI karUMgA,' yaha AzvAsana dete hue unhoMne kahA--- " para maiM Apase yaha nahIM kaha sakatA ki ApakI saba bAtoMko maiM svIkAra kara skuuNgaa| aupanivezika dRSTibiMdu bhI to hameM samajhanA aura dekhanA cAhie na ?" ___ maiMne uttara diyA--"Apa isa praznakA adhyayana kareM aura apane patra meM isakI carcA karate raheM, yahI mere lie kAphI hai / zuddha nyAyake alAvA maiM aura kucha nahIM caahtaa|" zeSa samaya prayAgake bhavya triveNI-saMgamake darzana aura apane kAmake vicArameM gayA / isa Akasmika mulAkAtane neTAlameM mujhapara hue hamalekA bIjAropaNa kiyA /

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172 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 The farai on sIdhA rAjakoTa gayA aura eka pustikA likhanekI taiyArI kI ; use likhane tathA chapAnemeM koI eka mahInA laga gayA / usakA mukhapRSTha hare raMgakA thA; isa kAraNa vaha vAdako 'harI pustikA ' ke nAma se prasiddha ho gaI thI / usameM maiMne dakSiNa aphrIkA ke hiMdustAniyoMkI sthitikA citra khIMcA thA; aura soca-samajhakara usameM nyUnoktise kAma liyA thA / neTAlakI jina pustikAoM kA jikra maiM Upara kara cukA hUM, isameM unase narama bhASA istemAla kI gaI thI; kyoMki maiM jAnatA hUM ki choTA duHkha bhI dUrase dekhate hue bar3A mAlUma hotA hai / 'harI pustikA ' kI dasa hajAra pratiyAM chapavAI aura sAre hiMdustAnake akhabAroMko tathA bhinna-bhinna daloMke mazahUra logoMko bhejIM / 'pAyoniyara ' meM usapara sabase pahale lekha prakAzita huA / usakA sArAMza vilAyata gayA aura usa sArAMzakA sAra phira rUTarakI gArphata neTAla gayA / yaha tAra sirpha tIna lAinakA thA / vaha neTAlake hiMdustAniyoMke duHkhoMke mere kiye varNanakA choTA-sA saMskaraNa thA / vaha mere zabdoM meM na thA / usakA jo asara vahAM huA vaha hama prAge calakara dekheNge| dhIre-dhIre tamAma pratiSThita samAcAra-patroMmeM isa praznapara TippaNiyAM huI ina pustikAko DAmeM DAlaneke lie taiyAra karAnA ulajhanakA aura dAma dekara karAnA to kharcakA bhI kAma thaa| maiMne eka AsAna tarakIva khoja nikAlI | muhalle ke tamAma lar3akoMko ikaTThA kiyA aura subahake samaya dotIna ghaMTe unase mAMge / lar3akoMne itanI sevA khuzIse maMjUra kii| apanI tarapha se maiMne unheM DAke raddI TikaTa tathA AzISa denA svIkAra kiyA / lar3akoMne khelakhelameM merA kAma pUrA kara diyaa| choTe-choTe bAlakoMko svayaMsevaka banAnekA merA yaha pahalA prayoga thA / isa dalake do bAlaka grAja mere sAthI haiM / inhIM dinoM pahale-pahala plegakA daurA huA / cAroM ora bhagadar3a maca gaI thI / rAjakoTameM bhI usake phaila jAnekA Dara thA / maiMne socA ki ArogyavibhAga cchA kAma kara skuuNgaa| maiMne rAjyako likhA ki maiM apanI sevAyeM arpita karane ko taiyAra hUM / rAjyane eka samiti banAI aura usameM mujhe bhI rakhakhA / pAkhAnoMkI saphAIpara maiMne jora diyA aura samitine muhalle -muhalle jAkara pAkhAnoM

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adhyAya 25 : hiMdustAnameM 173 kI jAMca karanekA nizcaya kiyaa| garIba loga apane pAkhAnoMkI jAMca karane meM bilakula AnAkAnI na karate the| yahI nahIM, balki jo sudhAra batAye gaye ve bhI unhoMne kiye / para jaba hama rAjakAjI logoMke gharoMkI jAMca karane gaye taba kitanI hI jagaha to hameM pAkhAnA dekhane takakI ijAjata na milI---sudhArakI to bAta hI kyA ? Ama taurapara hameM yaha anubhava huA ki dhanikoMke pAkhAne adhika gaMde the| khUba aMdherA, badabU aura ajahada gaMdagI thii| baiThanekI jagaha kIr3e kulabulAte the| mAno roja jIte jI narakameM jAnA thaa| hamane jo sudhAra sujhAye the, ve bilakula mAmUlI the, mailA jamInapara nahIM balki kUr3oMmeM girA kre| pAnI bhI jamInameM jajba honeke badale kuMDoMmeM girA kre| baiThaka aura bhaMgIke pAnekI jagahake bIcameM dIvAra rahatI hai vaha tor3a DAlI jAya, jisase bhaMgI sArA hissA acchI taraha sApha kara sake; aura pAkhAnA bhI kucha bar3A ho jAya to usameM havA-prakAza jA ske| bar3e logoMne ina sudhAroMke rAste meM bar3e jhagar3e khar3e kiye aura Akhira hone hI nahIM diye| samitiko Dher3oMke muhalloM meM bhI jAnA thA, para sirpha eka hI sadasya mere sAtha vahAM jAne ke lie taiyAra huaa| eka to vahAM jAnA aura phira unake pAkhAne dekhanA; paraMtu mujhe to Dher3avADA dekhakara sAnaMdAzcarya huaa| apanI jiMdagImeM maiM pahalI hI bAra Dher3avAr3A gayA thaa| Dher3a bhAI-bahana hameM dekhakara Azcarya-cakita hue| hamane kahA--"hama tumhAre pAkhAne dekhanA cAhate haiN|" unhoMne kahA--" hamAre yahAM pAkhAne kahAM ? hamAre pAkhAne to jaMgalameM hote haiN| pAkhAne to hote haiM Apa bar3e logoMke yahAM / " __maiMne pUchA--"acchA to apane ghara hameM dekhane doge ?" "hAM, sAhaba, jarUra ! hameM kyA una ho sakatA hai ? jahAM jI cAhe aaie| hamAre to ye aise hI ghara haiN|" __ maiM aMdara gyaa| ghara tathA AMganakI saphAI dekhakara khuza ho gyaa| ghara sApha-sutharA lipA-putA thaa| prAMgana buhArA huA thA; aura jo thor3e-bahuta baratana the ve sApha maMje hue camakadAra the| eka pAkhAnekA varNana kiye binA nahIM raha sktaa| morI to hara gharameM rahatI hI hai, pAnI bhI usameM vahatA hai aura pezAba bhI kiyA jAtA hai| ataeva

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174 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 koI kamarA muzkilase binA badabUvAlA hogaa| para eka gharameM to soneke kamare meM morI aura pAkhAnA donoM dekhe aura yaha sArA mailA nalameMse nIce utaratA thaa| isa kamaremeM khar3A honA muzkila thaa| aba pAThaka hI isa bAtakA aMdAjA kara leM ki usameM gharavAle so kaise sakate hoMge ? samiti havelI-vaiSNava maMdira-- dekhane bhI gaI thii| havelIke mukhiyAjIse gAMdhI-kuTuMbakA acchA saMbaMdha thaa| mukhiyAjIne havelI dekhane denA tathA jitanA ho sake sudhAra karanA svIkAra kiyaa| unhoMne khuda usa hisseko kabhI na dekhA thA; havelIkI pattaleM aura jUThana Adi pIchekI chatase pheMka diye jAte / vaha hissA kaunoM aura cIloMkA ghara bana gayA thaa| pAkhAne to gaMde the hii| mukhiyAjIne kitanA sudhAra kiyA, yaha maiM na dekha paayaa| havelIkI gaMdagI dekhakara duHkha to bahuta huaa| jisa havelIko hama pavitra sthAna samajhate haiM, vahAM to Arogyake niyamoMkA kAphI pAlana honekI AzA rakhate haiN| smRtikAroMne jo bAhyAntara zaucapara bahuta jora diyA hai, yaha bAta mere dhyAnase bAhara usa samaya bhI na thii| rAjaniSThA aura zuzrUSA zuddha rAjaniSThAkA anubhava maiMne jitanA apane aMdara kiyA hai utanA zAyada hI dUsaroMmeM kiyA ho| maiM dekhatA ki isa rAjaniSThAkA mUla hai merA satyake prati svAbhAvika prema / rAjaniSThAkA athavA kisI dUsarI cIjakA DhoMga mujhase Ajataka na ho skaa| neTAlameM jisa kisI sabhAmeM maiM jAtA, 'gaoNDa seva di kiMga' barAbara gAyA jaataa| maiMne socA, mujhe bhI gAnA caahie| yaha bAta nahIM ki usa samaya mujhe briTiza rAjya-nItimeM burAiyAM na dikhAI detI thiiN| phira bhI Amataurapara mujhe yaha nIti acchI mAlUma hotI thii| usa samaya yaha mAnatA thA ki briTizarAjya tathA rAjya-katrioMkI nIti kula milAkara prajA-poSaka hai / para dakSiNa aphrikAmeM ulaTI nIti dikhAI detI; raMga-dveSa najara aataa| maiM samajhatA ki yaha kSaNika aura sthAnika hai / isa kAraNa rAjaniSThAmeM maiM aMgrejoMkI pratispardhA karanekI ceSTA krtaa| bar3e zramake sAtha aMgrejoMke rASTra-gIta 'gaoNr3a

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adhyAya 26 : rAjaniSThA aura zuzrUSA -175 seva da kiMga 'kA svara maiMne sAdhA / sabhAyoMmeM jaba vaha gAyA jAtA, taba apanA sura usameM milAtA / aura binA zrADaMbara kiye baphAdArI dikhAne ke jitane avasara yA sabameM zarIka hotA / apanI jiMdagI meM kabhI maiMne isa rAjaniSThAkI dukAna nahIM lagAI / apanA fast name are lenekI kabhI icchAtaka na huI / vaphAdArIko eka tarahakA karja samajhakara maiMne use adA kiyA hai / jaba bhArata AyA, taba mahArAnI vikToriyAkI DAyamaMDa jubilIkI taiyAriyAM ho rahI thIM / rAjakoTameM bhI eka samiti banAI gaI / usameM maiM nimaMtrita kiyA gayA / maiMne nimaMtraNa svIkAra kiyA; para mujhe usameM DhakosalekI bUAI | maiMne dekhA ki usameM bahuterI bAteM mahaja dikhAveke lie kI jAtI haiM / yaha dekhakara mujhe duHkha huA / maiM socane lagA ki aisI dazA meM samitimeM rahanA cAhie, yA nahIM ? aMtako yaha nizcaya kiyA ki apane kartavyakA pAlana karake saMtoSa mAna lenA hI ThIka hai / eka tajavIja yaha thI ki per3a lagAye jaayeN| isameM mujhe pAkhaMDa dikhAI diyaa| mAlUma huA ki yaha saba mahaja sAhaba logoMko khuza karaneke lie kiyA jAtA hai / maiMne logoMko yaha samajhAne kI koziza kI ki per3a lagAnA lAjimI nahIM kiyA gayA hai, sirpha siphAriza bhara kI gaI hai / yadi lagAnA hI ho to phira sacce dilase lagAnA cAhie, nahIM to mutalaka nahIM / mujhe kucha-kucha aisA yAda par3atA hai ki jaba maiM aisI bAta kahatA to loga use haMsImeM ur3A dete the| jo ho, apane hissekA per3a maiMne acchI taraha boyA aura usakI paravariza bhI kI, yaha acchI taraha yAda hai / 'gaoNDa seva di kiMga' maiM apane parivAra ke baccoMko bhI sikhAtA thA / mujhe yAda hai ki TreniMga kAleja ke vidyArthiyoMko maiMne yaha sikhAyA thA, para tujhe yaha ThIka-ThIka yAda nahIM par3atA ki yaha isI maukepara sikhAyA thA, athavA saptama sash rAjyArohaNa ke prasaMgapara / Age calakara mujhe yaha gIta gAnA zrakharA / jyoM-jyoM mere manameM ahiMsAke vicAra prabala hote gaye, tyoM-tyoM maiM apanI vANI aura vicArakI adhika caukIdArI karane lagA / isa gItameM ye do paMktiyAM bhI haiM-- 'usake zatruoM kA nAza kara; unakI cAloM fare kara ! '

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176 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 yaha bhAva mujhe khaTakA / apane mitra DA0 bUtha ke sAmane maiMne apanI kaThinAI peza kii| unhoMne bhI svIkAra kiyA ki hAM, ahiMsAvAdI manuSyako yaha gAna zobhA nahIM detA / jinheM hama zatru kahate haiM, ve dagAbAjI hI karate haiM, yaha kaise mAna leM ? yaha kaise kaha sakate haiM ki jinheM hamane zatru mAna liyA hai ve saba bure hI haiM / Izvarase to hama nyAyakI hI yAcanA kara sakate haiM / DA0 bUthako yaha dalIla jaMcI / unhoMne apane samAja meM gAneke lie eka naye hI gItakI racanA kI / DA0 bUthakA vizeSa paricaya Age dUMgA / jisa prakAra vaphAdArIkA svAbhAvika guNa mujhameM thA, usI taraha zuzrUSAkA bhI thaa| bImAroMkI sevA-zuzrUSAkA zauka, phira bImAra cAhe apane hoM yA parAye, mujhe thA / rAjakoTameM dakSiNa apharIkA-saMbaMdhI kAma karate hue maiM eka bAra baMbaI gayA / irAdA yaha thA ki bar3e-bar3e zaharoMmeM sabhAyeM karake lokamata vizeSa rUpase taiyAra kiyA jAya / isI silasile meM maiM baMbaI gayA thA / pahale nyAyamUrti rAnaDese milaa| unhoMne merI bAta dhyAnase sunI aura sara phirojazAhase milane kI salAha dii| phira maiM jasTisa badaruddIna taiyabajIse milaa| unhoMne bhI merI bAta sunakara yahI salAha dI / 'jasTisa rAnaDese aura mujhase Apako bahuta kama sahAyatA mila sakegI / hamArI sthiti Apa jAnate haiM / hama sArvajanika kAmoMmeM yoga nahIM de sakate; paraMtu hamAre manobhAva aura sahAnubhUti prApake sAtha huI hai / hAM, sara phirojazAha ApakI saccI sahAyatA kareMge / ' sara phirojazAhase to maiM milane hI vAlA thA / paraMtu ina do bujurgoMkI yaha rAya jAnakara ki unakI salAhase calo, mujhe isa bAtakA jJAna huA ki sara phirojazAhakA kitanA adhikAra logoMpara hai / / maiM sara phirojazAhase milA / maiM unase cakAcauMdha honeke lie taiyAra hI thA / unake nAmake sAtha lage bar3e-bar3e vizeSaNa maiMne suna rakkhe the / 'baMbaIke zera', 'baMbaIke betAja bAdazAha se milanA thA paraMtu bAdazAhane mujhe bhayabhIta nahIM kiyA / jisa prakAra pitA apane javAna putra prema ke sAtha milatA hai, usI prakAra vaha mujhase mile / unake ceMbara meM unase milanA thA / anuyAyiyoMse to sadA ghire hue rahate hI the / vAcchA the; kAmA the / unase merA paricaya karAyA vAcchAkA nAma maiMne sunA thA, vaha phirojazAha ke dAhine hAtha mAne jAte the / aMka

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177 adhyAya 26 : rAjaniSThA aura zuzraSA zAstrIke nAmase vIracanda gAMdhIne mujhe unakA paricaya karAyA thaa| unhoMne kahA-- "gAMdhI, hama phira bhI mileNge|" kula do hI minaTameM yaha saba ho gyaa| sara phirojazAhane merI bAta suna lii| nyAyamUrti rAnaDe aura taiyabajIse milanekI bhI bAta maiMne khii| unhoMne kahA--" gAMdhI, tumhAre kAmake lie mujhe eka sabhA karanI hogii| tumhAre kAmameM jarUra madada denI caahie|" muMzIkI ora dekhakara sabhAkA dina nizcaya karaneke lie khaa| dina taya huA aura mujhe chuTTI milii| kahA--" sabhA ke eka dina pahale mujhase mila lenaa|" nizcita hokara manameM phUlatA huA maiM apane ghara gyaa| mere bahanoI baMbaImeM rahate the, unase milane gyaa| vaha bImAra the| garIba hAlata thii| bahana akelI unakI sevA-zuzrUSA nahIM kara sakatI thii| bImArI sakhta thii| maiMne kahA-" mere sAtha rAjakoTa clie|" vaha rAjI hue| bahana-bahanoIko lekara maiM rAjakoTa gyaa| bImArI aMdAjase bAhara bhISaNa ho gaI thii| maiMne unheM apane kamaremeM rkkhaa| dina bhara maiM unake pAsa hI rhtaa| rAtako bhI jAganA pdd'taa| unakI sevA karate hue dakSiNa aphrIkAkA kAma maiM kara rahA thaa| aMtameM bahanoIkA svargavAsa ho gayA; para mujhe isa vAtase kucha saMtoSa rahA ki aMta samaya unakI sevA karanekA avasara mujhe mila gayA / . zuzrUSAke isa zaukane Age calakara vyApaka rUpa dhAraNa kiyaa| vaha yahAMtaka ki usameM maiM apanA kAma-dhaMdhA chor3a baiThatA / apanI dharmapatnIko bhI usameM lagAtA aura sAre gharako bhI zAmila kara letA thaa| isa vRttiko maiMne 'zauka' kahA hai; kyoMki maiMne dekhA ki yaha guNa tabhI nibhatA hai, jaba AnaMdadAyaka ho jAtA hai| khIMcA-tAnI karake dikhAve yA mulAhijeke lie jaba aise kAma hote haiM, taba vaha manuSyako kucala DAlate haiM aura unako karate-hue-bhI manuSya murajhA jAtA hai| jisa sevAse cittako AnaMda nahIM mAlama hotA, vaha na sevakako phalatI hai, na sevyako.. suhAtI hai| jisa sevAse citta AnaMdita hotA hai usake sAmane aizobhArAma yA. dhanopArjana ityAdi bAteM tuccha mAlUma hotI haiM

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178 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 27 baMbaI meM sabhA bahanoIke dehAMtake dUsare hI dina mujhe sabhAke lie baMbaI jAnA thA mujhe itanA samaya na milA thA ki apane bhASaNakI taiyArI kara rakhatA / jAgaraNa karate-karate thaka rahA thaa| AvAja bhI bhArI ho rahI thI / yaha vicAra karatA yA ki Izvara kisI taraha nibAha legA, maiM baMbaI gyaa| bhASaNa likhakara lejAne kA to mujhe svapna meM bhI khayAla na huA thA / sabhAkI tithike eka dina pahale zAmako pAMca baje AjJAnusAra maiM sara phirojazAha ke daphtara meM hAjira huA / 66 " 'gAMdhI, tumhArA bhASaNa taiyAra hai na ? " unhoMne pUchA / 88 " 'nahIM to, maiMne jabAnI hI bhASaNa karanekA irAdA kara rakkhA hai / maiMne Darate-Darate uttara diyA / 64 'baMbaI meM aisA na clegaa| yahAMkA ripoTiMga kharAba hai, aura yadi hama cAhate hoM ki isa sabhAse lAbha ho to tumhArA bhASaNa likhita hI honA cAhie aura rAtoM-rAta chapA lenA cAhie / rAtahIko bhASaNa likha sakoge na ? " maiM pasopeza meM par3A; paraMtu maiMne likhanekI koziza karanA svIkAra kiyA / 66 'to. muMzI tumase bhASaNa lene kaba grAveM ? " baMbaI siMha bole / [6 gyAraha baje / " maiMne uttara diyA / sara phirojazAhane muMzIko hukma diyA ki utane baje jAkara mujhase bhASaNa le prAve aura rAtoM-rAta use chapA leN| isake bAda mujhe vidA kiyA / dUsare dina sabhAmeM gayA / maiMne dekhA ki likhita bhASaNa par3hane kI salAha rait buddhimattApUrNa thii| phAmajI kAvasajI iMsTITyUTake hAlameM sabhA thI / maiMne suna rakkhA thA ki sara phirojazAhake bhASaNa meM sabhA bhavanameM khar3e rahaneko jagaha na milatI thI / isameM vidyArthI loga khUba dilacaspI lete the / * aisI sabhAkA mujhe yaha pahalA anubhava thA / mujhe vizvAsa ho gayA ki merI AvAja logoMtaka nahIM pahuMca sakatI / kAMpate kAMpate maiMne apanA bhASaNa zurU

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adhyAya 27 : baMbaImeM sabhA 179 kiyaa| sara phirojazAha mujhe utsAhita karate jAte-- 'hAM, jarA aura UMcI AvAjameM ! ' jyoM-jyoM vaha aisA kahate tyoM-tyoM merI AvAja giratI jAtI thii| ___ mere purAne mitra kezavarAva dezapAMDe merI madadake lie daudd'e| maiMne unake hAthameM bhASaNa sauMpakara chuTTI paaii| unakI AvAja thI to bulaMda; para prekSaka kyoM sunane lage ? 'vAcchA', 'vAcchA kI pukArase hAla gUMja utthaa| aba vAcchA utthe| unhoMne dezapAMDeke hAthase kAgaja liyA aura merA kAma bana gyaa| sabhAmeM turaMta sannATA chA gayA aura logoMne 'athase ititaka' bhASaNa sunaa| mAmUlake mutAbika prasaMgAnusAra 'zarma', 'zarma' kI athavA karatala-dhvani huii| sabhAke isa phalase maiM khuza huaa| sara phirojazAhako bhASaNa pasaMda aayaa| mujhe gaMgA nahAneke barAbara saMtoSa huaa| isa sabhAke phala-svarUpa dezapAMDe tathA eka pArasI sajjana llcaaye| pArasI sajjana Aja eka padAdhikArI haiM, isalie unakA nAma prakaTa karate hae hicakatA huuN| jaja khurazedajIne unake nizcayako DAMvADola kara diyaa| usakI tahameM eka pArasI bahana thii| vivAha kareM yA dakSiNa aphrIkA jAyaM? yaha samasyA unake sAmane thii| aMtako vivAha kara lenA hI unhoMne adhika ucita samajhA, paraMtu ina pArasI mitrakI taraphase pArasI rustamajIne isakA prAyazcitta kiyaa| aura usa pArasI bahanakI orase dUsarI pArasI bahaneM, sevikA banakara, khAdIke lie vairAgya lekara, prAyazcitta kara rahI haiN| isa kAraNa isa daMpatIko maiMne mApha kara diyA hai / dezapAMDeko vivAhakA pralobhana to na thA; para vaha bhI na A sake / isakA prAyazcitta aba vaha khuda hI kara rahe haiN| lauTatI bAra rAstemeM jaMjIbAra par3atA thaa| vahAM eka taiyabajIse mulAkAta huI / unhoMne bhI Ane kI AzA dilAI thI; para ve bhalA dakSiNa aphrikA kyoM Ane lage ? unake na Aneke gunAhakA badalA abbAsa taiyabajI cukA rahe haiM; paraMtu bairisTara mitroMko dakSiNa aphrIkA Aneke lie lubhAneke mere prayatna isa taraha viphala hue / yahAM mujhe pestanajI pAdazAha yAda Ate haiN| vilAyatase hI unakA merA madhura saMbaMdha ho gayA thaa| pestanajIse merA paricaya laMdanake annAhArI

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150 bhojanAlaya meM huA thA unake bhAI barajorajI eka 'sanakI AdamI the / maiMne unakI khyAti sunI thI, para milA na thA; mitra loga kahate, vaha 'caMkrama ( sanakI ) haiM / ghor3epara dayA khAkara TrAmameM nahIM baiThate / zatAvadhAnIkI taraha smaraNa zakti hote hue bhI DigrI ke phera meM nahIM par3ate / itane AjAda mijAja ki kisI dama-jhAMse meM nahIM prAte aura pArasI hote hue bhI annAhArI ! pestanajIkI DigrI itanI bar3hI huI nahIM samajhI jAtI thI; para phira bhI unakA buddhi-vaibhava prasiddha thA / vilAyata meM bhI unakI aisI hI khyAti thI; paraMtu unake mere saMbaMdhakA mUla to thA unakA annaahaar| unake buddhi-vaibhavakA mukAbalA karanA mere sAmarthya ke bAhara thA / Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 " baMbaI meM maiMne pestanajIko khoja nikAlA / vaha prothonoTarI the / jaba maiM milA taba vaha bRhad gujarAtI zabda-koSake kAmameM lage hue the / dakSiNa aphrIkA ke kAmeM madada lene ke saMbaMdha meM maiMne eka bhI mitrako TaTole binA nahIM chor3A thA / pestanajI pAdazAhane to mujhe hI ulaTe dakSiNa aphrIkA na jAnekI salAha dii| maiM to bhalA pako kyA madada de sakatA hUM; para mujhe to ApakA hI vApasa lauTanA pasaMda nahIM / yahIM, apane dezameM hI, kyA kama kAma hai ? dekhie, abhI apanI mAtR bhASAkI sevAkA hI kitanA kSetra sAmane par3A huA hai ? mujhe vijJAna-saMbaMdhI zabdoMke paryAya khojanA hai / yaha huA eka kAma / dezakI garIbIkA vicAra kIjie / hAM, dakSiNa aphrIkA meM hamAre logoMko kaSTa hai; para usameM Apa jaise loga khapa jAyaM, yaha mujhe baradAzta nahIM ho sakatA / yadi hama yahIM rAja- sattA apane hAthameM le sakeM to vahAM unakI madada apane-Apa ho jAyagI / Apako zAyada maiM na samajhA sakUMgA; paraMtu dUsare sevakoMko Apake sAtha le jAne meM maiM Apako haragija sahAyatA na dUMgA / ye bAteM mujhe acchI to na lagIM; paraMtu pestanajI pAdazAhake prati merA prAdara bar3ha gyaa| unakA deza-prema va bhASA-prema dekhakara maiM mugdha ho gayA / usa prasaMgake 'badaulata me unakI prema-gAMTha majabUta ho gaI / unake dRSTi-biMduko meM ThIka-ThIka samajha gayA; paraMtu dakSiNa aphrIkA kAmako chor3aneke badale, unakI dRSTise bhI, mujhe to usIpara dRr3ha honA cAhie - yaha merA vicAra huA / deza premI eka bhI aMgako, jahAMtaka ho, na chor3egA / aura mere sAmane to gItAkA zloka taiyAra hI thA -- 3

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adhyAya 28 : pUnA aura madrAsameM zreyAnsvadharmo viguNaH paradharmAtsvanuSThitAt / svadharme nidhanaM zreyaH paradharmo bhayAvahaH / ' bar3e-car3he para-dharmase ghaTiyA svadharma acchA hai| svadharma meM mauta bhI uttama hai, kiMtu para-dharma to bhayakartA hai / 28 pUnA aura madrAsameM sara phirojazAhane merA rAstA sarala kara diyaa| baMbaIse maiM pUnA gyaa| maiM jAnatA thA ki pUnAmeM do pakSa the; para mujhe sabakI sahAyatAkI jarUrata thI pahale maiM lokamAnyase milaa| unhoMne kahA-- daloMkI sahAyatA prApta karanekA ApakA vicAra bilakula ThIka hai| Apake praznake saMbaMdhameM mata-bheda ho nahIM sakatA; paratu Apake kAmake lie kisI taTastha sabhApati kI AvazyakatA hai| Apa prophesara bhAMDArakarase milie / yoM to vaha Ajakala kisI halacalameM par3ate nahIM haiM; para zAyada isa kAmake lie 'hAM' krleN| unase milakara natIjekI khabara mujhe kiijiegaa| maiM Apako pUrI-pUrI sahAyatA denA cAhatA huuN| Apa prophesara gokhalese bhI avazya miliegaa| mujhase jaba kabhI milanekI icchA ho jarUra pAiegA / " - lokamAnyake yaha mujhe pahale darzana the| unakI loka-priyatAkA kAraNa mai turaMta samajha gayA / yahAMse maiM gokhaleke pAsa gyaa| vaha phargyusana kAlejameM the| bar3e premase mujhase mile aura mujhe apanA banA liyaa| unakA bhI yaha prathama hI paricaya thA; para aisA mAlUma huA mAno hama pahale mila cuke hoN| sara-phirojazAha to mujhe himAlaya-jaise mAlUma hue; lokamAnya samudra kI taraha mAlUma hue| gokhale gaMgA kI taraha mAlUma hue; usameM maiM nahA sakatA thaa| himAlayapara car3hanA muzkila hai, samudrameM ibanekA bhaya rahatA hai| para gaMgAkI godImeM khela sakate haiM, usameM DoMgIpara 'gItA adhyAya 3, zloka 35

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192 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 car3hakara taira sakate haiN| gokhalene khoda-khodakara bAteM pUchIM---jaisI ki madarasemeM bharatI hote samaya vidyArthI se pUchI jAtI haiN| kisa-kisase milUM aura kisa prakAra milUM, yaha batAyA aura merA bhASaNa dekhaneke lie maaNgaa| mujhe apane kAlejakI vyavasthA dikhAI / kahA--" jaba milanA hoM, khuzIse milanA aura DAkTara bhAMDArakarakA uttara mujhe jatAnA / " phira mujhe bidA kiyaa| rAjanItika kSetra meM gokhalene jIte-jI jaisA Asana mere hRdayameM jamAyA aura jo unake dehAMtake bAda aba bhI jamA huA hai vaisA phira koI na jamA skaa| rAmakRSNa bhAMDArakara mujhase usI taraha peza Aye, jisa taraha pitA putrase peza AtA hai / maiM dopaharake samaya unake yahAM gayA thaa| aise samaya bhI maiM apanA kAma kara rahA thA, yaha bAta isa parizramI zAstrajJako priya huI aura taTastha adhyakSa banAneke mere Agrahapara ( 'daiTsa iTa', 'daiTsa iTa' ) ' yahI ThIka hai ', 'yahI ThIka hai' udgAra sahaja hI unake muMhase nikala par3e / / bAtacItake aMtameM unhoMne kahA--"tuma kisIse bhI pUchoge to vaha kaha degA ki Ajakala maiM kisI bhI rAjanItika kAmameM nahIM par3atA hUM; paraMtu tumako meM vimukha nahIM kara sktaa| tumhArA mAmalA itanA majabUta hai, aura tumhArA udyama itanA stutya hai ki maiM tumhArI sabhAmeM Anese inkAra nahIM kara sktaa| zrIyuta tilaka aura zrIyuta gokhalese tuma mila hI liye ho, yaha acchA huaa| unase kahanA ki donoM pakSa jisa sabhAmeM mujhe bulAveMge, mai A jAUMgA aura adhyakSa sthAna grahaNa kara luuNgaa| samayake bAremeM mujhase pUchanekI AvazyakatA nhiiN| jo samaya donoM pakSoMko anukUla hogA usakI pAbaMdI meM kara luuNgaa|" yaha kahakara mujhe dhanyavAda aura AzIrvAda dekara unhoMne vidA kiyA / / binA kucha gula-gapAr3eke, vinA kucha prADaMbarake, eka sAde makAna meM pUnAke ina vidvAn aura tyAgI maMDalane sabhA kI aura mujhe pUrA-pUrA protsAhana dekara vidA kiyaa| yahAMse madarAsa gyaa| madarAsa to pAgala ho utthaa| bAlAmuMdaramke kissekA bar3A gaharA asara sabhApara pdd'aa| merA bhASaNa kucha laMbA thA; para thA saba chapA huaa| eka-eka zabda sabhAne mana lagAkara sunaa| sabhAke aMtameM usa harI pustikApara loga TUTa pdd'e| madarAsameM kucha ghaTA-bar3hAkara usakA dUsarA

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adhyAya 26 : 'jaldI lauTo' 183 saMskaraNa dasa hajArakA chpvaayaa| unakA bahutAMza nikala gayA; para maiMne dekhA ki dasa hajArakI jarUrata na thI, logoMke utsAhako maiMne adhika prAMka liyA thA / mere bhASaNakA asara to aMgrejI bolanevAloMpara hI huA thA aura akele madarAsameM aMgrejIdAM logoMke lie dasa hajAra pratiyoMkI AvazyakatA na thI / yahAM mujhe bar3I se bar3I sahAyatA svargIya jI0 paramezvarana pille se milI / vaha 'madarAsa sTaiMDarDa ' ke saMpAdaka the / unhoMne isa praznakA acchA adhyayana kara liyA thA / vaha bAra-bAra apane daphtara meM bulAte aura salAha dete / 'hiMdU' ke jI0 subrahmaNyam se bhI milA thA / unhoMne tathA DA0 subrahmaNyamne bhI pUrI-pUrI hamadardI dikhAI; paraMtu jI0 paramezvaran pillene to apanA akhabAra isa kAma ke lie mAno mere havAle hI kara diyA aura maiMne bhI dila kholakara usakA upayoga kiyA / sabhA pAcyAppAhAla meM huI thI aura DA0 subrahmaNyam adhyakSa hue the, aisA mujhe smaraNa hai / madarAsameM maiMne bahutoM kA prema aura utsAha itanA dekhA ki yadyapi vahAM sabake sAtha mukhyataH aMgrejImeM hI bolanA par3atA thA phira bhI, mujhe gharake jaisA hI mAlUma huA / saca hai, prema kina baMdhanoMko nahIM tor3a sakatA / 26 'jaldI lauTo' madarAsase maiM kalakattA gayA / kalakatte meM merI kaThinAiyoMkI sImA na rhii| vahAM 'graiMDa IsTarna' hoTalameM utarA / na kisIse jAna na pahacAna / hoTala meM 'DelI TelIgrApha ke pratinidhi mi0 elara thArpase pahacAna huI / vaha rahate the baMgAla meM / vahAM unhoMne mujhe bulAyA / usa samaya unheM patA na thA ki hoTalake dIvAnakhAne meM koI hiMdustAnI nahIM jA sakatA / bAdako unheM isa rukAvaTakA hAla mAlUma huA / isalie vaha mujhe apane kamaremeM le gaye / bhAratavAsiyoM ke prati sthAnIya aMgrejoMke isa heya-bhAvako dekhakara unheM kheda huaa| dIvAnakhAnemeM na le jA sakaneke lie unhoMne mujhase mAphI mAMgI / baMgAlake deva ' surendranAtha banarjI bo milanA hI thaa| unase jaba

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184 Atma-kathA : bhAga 2 meM milane gayA taba dUsare milane vAle unheM ghere hue the| unhoMne kahA, "mujhe aMdezA ... ki ApakI bAta meM yahAMke loga dilacaspI na leMge / Apa dekhate hI haiM ki yahAM hama logoMko kama musIbateM nahIM haiM / phira bhI Apako to bharasaka kucha-na-kucha karanA hI hai / isa kAma meM Apako mahArAjAoM kI madadakI jarUrata hogI / 'briTiza iMDiyA esosiyezana ke pratinidhiyoMse miliegaa| rAjA sara pyArImohana mukarjI zrIra mahArAjA TAgorase bhI miliegaa| donoM udAra hRdaya haiM aura sArvajanika kAmoMmeM acchA bhAga lete haiM / " maiM ina sajjanoMse milA; para vahAM merI dAla na galI / donoMne kahA-- "kalakattA meM sabhA karanA AsAna bAta nahIM, para yadi karanA hI ho to usakA bahuta-kucha dAromadAra sureMdranAtha banarjIpara hai / ' merI kaThinAiyAM bar3hatI jAtI thIM / 'amRtabAjAra patrikA ke daphtara meM gyaa| vahAM bhI jo sajjana mile unhoMne mAna liyA ki maiM koI ramatArAma vahAM yA pahuMcA hoUMgA / 'baMgavAsI 'bAloMne to hada kara dI / mujhe eka ghaMTe taka to biThAye hI rakkhA / zrauroMke sAtha to saMpAdaka mahodaya bAteM karate jAte; para merI ora AMkha uThAkara bhI na dekhate / eka ghaMTA rAha dekhaneke bAda maiMne apanI bAta unase cher3I / taba unhoMne kahA--' 'Apa dekhate nahIM, hameM kitanA kAma rahatA hai ? Apake jaise kitane hI yahAM Ate rahate haiM / Apa cale jAyaM, yahI acchA hai / hama ApakI bAta sunanA nahIM cAhate / " mujhe jarA derake lie raMja to huA, para maiM saMpAdakakA dRSTi-biMdu samajha gayA / 'baMgavAsI ' kI khyAti bhI sunI thI / maiM dekhatA thA ki unake pAsa Ane-jAnevAloMkA tAMtA lagA hI rahatA thaa| ye saba unake paricita the / unake akhabAra ke lie viSayoMkI kamI na thI / dakSiNa abhIkAkA nAma to una dinoMmeM nayA hI nayA thA / nita naye AdamI Akara apanI kaSTa - kathA unheM sunAte / apanA-apanA duHkha harekake lie sabase bar3A savAla thA; paraMtu saMpAdaka ke pAsa aise dukhiyoMkA jhuMDa lagA rahatA / becArA sabako tasallI kaise de sakatA hai ! phira duHkhI AdamI ke lie to saMpAdakakI sattA eka bhArI bAta hotI hai / yaha dUsarI bAta hai ki saMpAdaka jAnatA rahatA hai. ki usakI sattA daphtarake daravAjeke bAhara paira nahIM rakha sakatI / (L para maiMne himmata na hArI / dUsare saMpAdakoMse milA / apane mAmUlake mAphika aMgrejoMse bhI milA / 'sTeTsamaina' aura 'iMglizamaina' donoM dakSiNa

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adhyAya 26 : 'jaldI lauTo' 185 praznakA mahatva samajhate the / unhoMne merI laMbI-laMbI bAtacIta chApI, 'iMglizamaina' ke mi0 sAMDarsane mujhe apanAyA / unakA daphtara mere lie khulA thA, unakA akhabAra mere lie khulA thA / apane agralekha meM kamIbezI karanekI bhI chUTa unhoMne mujhe de dI / yaha bhI kahUM to atyukti nahIM ki unakA merA khAsA sneha ho gyaa| unhoMne bharasaka madada denekA vacana diyA, mujhase kahA ki dakSiNa aphrIkA jAneke bAda bhI mujhe patra likhiegA aura vacana diyA ki mujhase jo kucha ho sakegA kruuNgaa| maiMne dekhA ki unhoMne apanA yaha vacana akSaraza: pAlA; aura jabataka ki unakI tabIyata kharAba na ho gaI, unhoMne mere sAtha ciTThI-patrI jArI rkkhii| merI jiMdagI meM aise prakalpita mIThe saMbaMdha aneka hue haiM / mi0 sAMDarsako mere aMdara jo sabase acchI bAta lagI vaha thI atyuktikA prabhAva aura satyaparAyaNatA / unhoMne mujhase jiraha karanemeM korakasara na rakkhI thI / usameM unhoMne anubhava kiyA ki dakSiNa aphrIkAke goroMke pakSako niSpakSa hokara peza karane meM tathA unakI tulanA karane meM maiMne koI kamI nahIM rakkhI thI / merA anubhava kahatA hai ki pratipakSI ke sAtha nyAya karake hama apane lie jaldI nyAya prApta karate haiM / isa prakAra mujhe akalpita sahAyatA mila jAnese kalakatta meM bhI sabhA karanekI AzA baMdhI ; para isI arase meM Darabana se tAra milA --' pArlameMTakI baiThaka janavarI meM hogI, jaldI lauTo / isa kAraNa akhabAroMmeM isa AzayakI eka ciTThI likhakara ki mujhe dakSiNa aphrIkA calA jAnA jarUrI hai, maiMne kalakattA chor3A aura dAdA abdullA ke ejeMTako tAra diyA ki pahale jahAjase jAnekA iMtajAma kro| dAdA abdullAne khuda ' kuralaiMDa ' jahAja kharIda liyA thA / usameM unhoMne mujhe tathA mere bAla-baccoMko muphta le jAnekA Agraha kiyaa| maiMne dhanyavAda sahita svIkAra kiyA aura disaMbara ke prAraMbha meM ' kuralaiMDa meM apanI dharma-patnI, do bacce aura svargIya bahanoIke ikalaute putrako lekara dUsarI bAra dakSiNa aphrIkA ravAnA huaa| isa jahAjake sAtha hI 'nAdarI' nAmaka eka aura jahAja Darabana ravAnA huaa| usake ejeMTa dAdA abdullA the| donoM jahAjoMmeM milakara koI ATha sau yAtrI the / unameM Adhese adhika yAtrI TrAnsavAla jAnevAle the /

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tIsarA bhAga 9 tUphAnake cinha parivAra ke sAtha yaha merI prathama jala yAtrA thI / maiMne kaI bAra likhA ki hiMdU-saMsAra meM vivAha bacapanameM ho jAnese tathA madhyamavarga ke logoM meM patike bahutAMza sAkSara aura patnIke nirakSara honeke kAraNa 'pati-patnI ke jIvana meM bar3A aMtara rahatA hai aura patiko patnIkA zikSaka bananA par3atA hai / mujhe apanI dharma-patnI tathA bAlakoMke libAsapara, khAna-pAnapara, tathA bola-cAlapara dhyAna rakhane kI AvazyakatA thii| mujhe unheM rahana-sahana aura rIti-nIti sikhAnI thI / usa samayakI kitanI hI bAteM yAda karake mujhe aba haMsI A jAtI hai| hiMdU-patnI pati-parAyaNatAko apane dharmakI parAkASThA samajhatI hai| hiMdU pati apaneko patnIkA Izvara mAnatA hai / isa kAraNa patnIko jaisA vaha nacAve nAcanA par3atA hai / maiM jisa samaya bAta likha rahA hUM usa samaya maiM mAnatA thA ki naI rozanIkA samajhA jAneke lie hamArA bAhyAcAra jahAMtaka ho yUropiyanoMse milatAjulatA honA cAhie / aisA karanese hI rauva par3atA hai aura rauba par3e binA dezasevA nahIM ho sakatI | - isa kAraNa patnI tathA bAlakoMkA pahanAvA maiMne hI pasaMda kiyA / bAlakAM ityAdiko loga kaheM ki kAThiyAvAr3a ke baniye haiM, to yaha kaise suhA sakatA thA ? pArasI adhika-se-adhika sudhare hue mAne jAte haiN| isa kAraNa jahAM yUropiyana pozAkakA anusaraNa karanA ThIka na mAlUma huA vahAM pArasIkA kiyA / patnIke lie pArasI DhaMgakI sAr3iyAM liiN| baccoMke lie pArasI koTa- patalUna liye / sabake lie bUTa-moje to avazya caahieN| patnIko tathA baccoMko donoM cIjeM kaI mahInoMtaka pasaMda na huI / bUTa kATate, moje badabU karate, paira taMga rahate / ina /

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adhyAya 1 : tUphAna ke cihna 187 ar3acanoMkA uttara mere pAsa taiyAra thA / aura uttarake zrIcityakI apekSA hukmakA vala to adhika thA hI / isalie lAcAra hokara patnI tathA baccoMne pozAka - parivartanako svIkAra kiyaa| utanI hI bebasI aura usase bhI adhika anamane hokara bhojanake samaya churI- kAMTekA istemAla karane lage / jaba merA moha utarA taba phira unheM bUTa-moje, churI-kAMTe ityAdi chor3ane par3e / yaha parivartana jisa prakAra duHkhadAyI thA usa prakAra eka bAra Adata par3a jAneke bAda phira usako chor3anA bhI duHkhakara thA; para aba maiM dekhatA hUM ki hama saba sudhAroMkI keMculako chor3akara halke ho gaye haiM / isI jahAjameM dUsare sage-saMbaMdhI tathA paricita loga bhI the / unake tathA Dekake dUsare yAtriyoMke paricayameM meM khUba AtA / eka to mavakkila aura phira mitrakA jahAja, gharake jaisA mAlUma hotA aura meM hara jagaha jahAM jI cAhatA jA sakatA thA / jahAja dUsare baMdaroMpara Thahare binA hI neTAla pahuMcanevAlA thA / isalie sirpha 18 dinakI yAtrA thI / mAno hamAre pahuMcate hI bhArI tUphAna kI cetAvanI "dene ke lie, hamAre pahuMcane ke tIna-cAra dina pahale samudrameM bhArI tUphAna uThA / isa dakSiNa pradezameM disaMbara mAsa garamI aura barasAtakA samaya hotA hai / isa kAraNa dakSiNa samudrameM ina dinoM choTe-bar3e tUphAna aksara uThA karate haiM / tUphAna itane jorakA thA aura itane dinoMtaka rahA ki musAphira ghabarA gaye / yaha dRzya bhavya thA / duHkhameM saba eka ho gaye / bheda-bhAva bhUla gaye / Izvarako sacce hRdayase smaraNa karane lge| hiMdU-musalamAna saba sAtha milakara Izvarako yAda karane lage / kitanoMne mAnatAyeM mAnIM / kaptAna bhI yAtriyoMmeM Akara grAzvAsana dene lagA ki yadyapi tUphAna jorakA hai, phira bhI isase bar3e-bar3e tUphAnoMkA anubhava mujhe hai / jahAja yadi majabUta ho to ekAeka DUbatA nahIM / isa taraha usane musAphiroMko bahuta samajhAyA; para unheM kisI taraha tasallI na hotI thI / jahAjameMse aisI-aisI zrAvAjeM nikalatIM, mAno jahAja abhI kahIMna-kahIM se TUTa par3atA hai-- grabhI kahIM cheda hotA hai / DolatA itanA thA ki, mAno abhI ulaTa jAyagA / Dekapara to khar3A rahanA hI muzkila thA / 'Izvara jo kare so sahI' isake sivA dUsarI bAta kisIke muMhase na nikalatI /

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188 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 mujhe jahAMtaka yAda hai, aisI ciMtAmeM caubIsa ghaMTe bIte hoNge| aMtako bAdala bikhare, sUryanArAyaNane darzana diye / kaptAnane kahA--'aba tUphAna jAtA rahA / ' logoMke ceharoMse ciMtA dUra huI, aura usake sAtha hI Izvara bhI na jAne kahAM calA gyaa| mautakA Dara dUra huA aura usake sAtha hI phira gAna-tAna, khAna-pAna zurU ho gayA; phira vahI mAyAkA AvaraNa car3ha gyaa| aba bhI namAja par3hI jAtI, bhajana hote; paraMtu tUphAnake avasarapara usameM jo gaMbhIratA dikhAI detI thI, vaha na rahI / paraMtu isa tUphAnakI badaulata maiM yAtriyoMmeM hila-mila gayA thaa| yaha kaha sakate hai ki mujhe tUphAnakA bhaya na thaa| athavA kama-se-kama thaa| prAyaH isI tarahake tUphAna meM pahale dekha cukA thaa| jahAjameM merA jI nahIM micalAtA, cakkara nahIM Ate, isalie musAphiroMmeM maiM nirbhaya hokara ghUma-phira sakatA thaa| unheM AzvAsana de sakatA thA aura kaptAnake saMdeza una taka pahuMcAtA thaa| yaha sneha-gAMTha mujhe bahuta upayogI sAbita huI / hamane 18 yA 19 disaMbarako Darabanake baMdarapara laMgara DAlA aura 'nAdarI' bhI usI dina phuNcaa| para sacce tUphAnakA anubhava to abhI honA bAkI hI thaa| tUphAna ___ aThAraha disaMbarake Asa-pAsa donoM jahAjoMne laMgara DAlA / dakSiNa aphrIkA ke baMdaroM meM yAtriyoMkI pUrI-pUrI DAkTarI jAMca hotI hai| yadi rAste meM kisIko koI chUtakA roga ho gayA ho to jahAja sUtaka meM--kvAraMTInameM--ravakhA jAtA hai / hamane jaba baMbaI chor3A taba vahAM plega phaila rahA thaa| isalie hameM sUtaka-bAdhA honekA kucha to bhaya thA hii| baMdarameM laMgara DAlane ke bAda sabase pahale jahAja pIlA jhaMDA phaharAtA hai / DAkTarI jAMca ke bAda jaba DAkTara chuTTI detA hai taba pIlA jhaMDA utAratA hai; phira musAphiroMke nAte-riztedAroMko jahAja para Ane kI chuTTI milatI hai|

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adhyAya 2 : tUphAna 186 isake mutAbika hamAre jahAjapara bhI pIlA jhaMDA laharA rahA thaa| DAkTara aaye| jAMca karake pAMca dinake sUtakakA hukma diyA; kyoMki unakI yaha dhAraNA thI ki plegake jaMtu teIsa dinataka kAyama rahate haiM / isalie unhoMne yaha taya kiyA ki baMbaI chor3aneke bAda teIsa dinataka jahAjoMko sUtakameM rakhanA caahie| paraMtu isa sUtaka ke hukmakA hetu kevala yArogya na thA / Darabanake gore hameM vApasa lauTA denekI halacala macA rahe the / isa hukma meM yaha bAta bhI kAraNIbhUta thI / dAdA abdullAkI prorase hameM zaharakI isa halacalakI khabareM milA karatI thIM / gore ekake bAda eka virAT sabhAyeM kara rahe the / dAdA abdullAko dhamakiyAM bheja rahe the / unheM lAlaca bhI dete the / yadi dAdA abdullA donoM jahAjoMko vApasa lauTA deM to unheM sArA harajAnA dene ko taiyAra the| para dAdA abdullA kisIkI dhamakiyoMse DaranevAle na the / isa samaya vahAM seTha abdula karIma hAjI Adama dUkAnapara the / unhoMne pratijJA kara rakhI thI ki cAheM kitanA hI nukasAna ho, maiM' jahAjako baMdarapara lAkara musAphiroMko utaravAkara chodduuNgaa| mujhe vaha hamezA savistAra patra likhA karate / takadIrase isa bAra svargIya manasukhalAla hIrAlAla nAjara mujhe milane Darabana yA pahuMce the / vaha bar3e catura aura javAMmarda AdamI the / unhoMne logoMko neka salAha dii| unake vakIla mi0 lATana the / vaha bhI vaise hI bahAdura AdamI the / unhoMne goroMke kAmakI khUba niMdA kI aura logoMko jo salAha dI vaha kevala vakIla kI haisiyatase, phIsa lene ke lie nahIM, balki eka sacce mitrake taurapara dI thI / isa taraha DarabanameM dvaMdva-yuddha chir3A / eka ora becAre muTThI bhara bhAratavAsI aura unake ine-gine aMgreja mitra, tathA dUsarI ora dhana-bala, bAhu-bala, akSarabala aura saMkhyA bala meM bhare-pUre aMgreja | phira isa balazAlI pratipakSIke sAtha sattA - bala bhI mila gayA; kyoMki neTAla - sarakArane prakaTa rUpa se usakI sahAyatA kI / mi0 hairI eskamba jo pradhAna-maMDalameM the aura usake kartA-dhartA the, unhoMne isa maMDalakI sabhA meM khule taurapara bhAga liyA thA / isalie hamArA sUtaka kevala Arogyake niyamoMkA hI ahasAnamaMda na thA / bAta yaha thI ki ejeMTako athavA yAtriyoMko kisI-na-kisI bahAne taMga karake hameM

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160 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 vApasa lauTAnekI tajavIja thii| ejeMTako to dhamakI dI hI gaI thii| aba hameM bhI dhamakiyAM dI jAne lagIM-- yadi tuma loga vApasa na lauToge to samudra meM Dubo diye jaanoge| yadi lauTa jAnoge to zAyada lauTanekA kirAyA bhI mila jaaygaa| maiM musAphiroMmeM khUba ghUmA-phirA aura unheM dhIraja-dilAsA detA rahA / 'nAdarI' ke yAtriyoMko bhI dhIrajake saMdeza bheje / musAphira zAMta rahe aura unhoMne himmata dikhaaii| musAphiroMke manovinodake lie jahAjameM taraha-tarahake kheloMkI vyavasthA thii| krisamasake dina aaye| kaptAnane una dinoM pahale darajeke musAphiroMko bhoja diyaa| yAtriyoMmeM mukhyata: to maiM aura mere bAla-bacce hI the| bhojanake bAda bhASaNa huA karate haiM / maiMne pazcimI sudhAroMpara vyAkhyAna diyaa| maiM jAnatA thA ki yaha avasara gaMbhIra bhASaNake anukUla nahIM hai; para maiM dUsarI tarahakA bhASaNa kara hI nahIM sakatA thaa| vinoda aura Amoda-pramodakI bAtoMmeM maiM zarIka to hotA thA; para merA dila to DarabanameM chir3e saMgrAmakI ora laga rahA thA / _ kyoMki isa hamalekA madhyabiMdu meM hI thA, mujhapara do ilajAma the-- (1) hiMdustAnameM maiMne neTAlake goroMkI anucita niMdA kI hai| aura (2) maiM neTAlako hiMdustAniyoMse bhara denA cAhatA hUM aura isalie 'kuralaiMDa' aura 'nAdarI 'meM khAsataurapara neTAlameM basAne ke lie hiMdustAniyoMko bhara lAyA huuN| mujhe apanI jimmedArIkA khayAla thaa| mere kAraNaM dAdA abdullAne bar3I jokhima sirapara le lI thii| musAphiroMkI bhI jAna jokhimameM thI; maiMne apane bAla-baccoMko sAtha lAkara unheM bhI duHkhameM DAla diyA thaa| phira bhI maiM thA saba taraha nirdoSa / maiMne kisIko neTAla jAneke lie lalacAyA na thaa| 'nAdarI'ke yAtriyoMko to maiM jAnatAtaka na thaa| 'kuralaiMDa meM apane do-tIna riztedAroMke alAvA aura jo saikar3oM musAphira the, unake to nAma ThAmataka na jAnatA thaa| maiMne hiMdustAnameM neTAlake aMgrejoMke saMbaMdhameM aisA eka bhI akSara na kahA thA, jo neTAlameM na kaha cukA thA; aura jo maiMne kahA thA usake lie mere pAsa bahutere sabUta the / isa kAraNa usa saMskRtike prati, jisakI upaja neTAlake gore the, jisake

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adhyAya 2: tUphAna ve pratinidhi aura hAmI the, mere mana meM bar3A kheda utpanna huaa| usIkA vicAra karatA rahA thaa| aura isI kAraNa usIke saMbaMdhameM apane vicAra maiMne isa choTIsI sabhAmeM peza kiye aura zrotAoMne unheM sahana bhI kiyaa| jisa bhAva se maiMne unheM peza kiyA thA usI bhAvameM kaptAna ityAdine unheM grahaNa kiyA thaa| maiM yaha nahIM jAnatA ki usake kAraNa unhoMne apane jIvanameM koI parivartana kiyA thA, yA nahIM; para isa bhASaNake bAda kaptAna tathA dUsare adhikAriyoMke sAtha pazcimI saMskRtike saMbaMdhoM merI bahuterI bAteM huiiN| pazcimI saMskRtiko maiMne pradhAnataH hiMsaka batAyA, pUrvakI saMskRtiko ahiMsaka / praznakattoiMne mere siddhAMta mujhIpara ghaTAye / zAyada, bahuta karake, kaptAnane pUchA--" gore loga jaisI dhamakiyAM de rahe haiM usIke anusAra yadi ve Apako hAni pahuMcAveM to Apa phira apane ahiMsAsiddhAMtakA pAlana kisa tarahase kareMge ?" maiMne uttara diyA-- " mujhe AzA hai ki unheM mApha kara denekI tathA unapara mukadamA na calAnekI himmata aura buddhi Izvara mujhe de degaa| Aja bhI mujhe unapara roSa nahIM hai| unake ajJAna tathA unakI saMkucita dRSTipara mujhe aphasosa hotA hai; para maiM yaha mAnatA hUM ki ve zuddha-bhAvase yaha mAna rahe haiM ki hama jo-kucha kara rahe haiM vaha ThIka hai; aura isalie mujhe unapara roSa karanekA kAraNa nahIM / " pUchanevAlA haMsA / zAyada use merI bAtapara bharosA na huA / isa taraha hamAre dina gujare aura bar3hate gye| sUtaka baMda karanekI miyAda aMtataka mukarrara na huii| isa vibhAgake karmacArIse pUchatA to kahatA--"yaha bAta mere ikhtiyArake bAhara hai| sarakAra mujhe jaba hukma degI taba maiM utarane de sakatA huuN|" aMtako musAphiroMke aura mere pAsa AkhirI cetAvaniyAM aaii| donoMko dhamakiyAM dI gaI thIM ki apanI jAnako khataremeM smjho| javAbameM hama donoMne likhA ki neTAlake baMdarameM utaranekA hameM haka hAsila hai; aura cAhe jaisA khatarA kyoM na ho, hama apane hakapara kAyama rahanA cAhate haiM / aMtako teIsaveM dina arthAt 13 janavarIko jahAjako ijAjata milI aura musAphiroMko utarane denekI AjJA jArI ho gaI /

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162 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 3 kasauTI jahAja kinAre lagA | musAphira utare; paraMtu mere lie mi0 eskaMbane kaptAna se kahalA diyA thA ki gAMdhIko tathA unake bAla-baccoMko zAmako utAriegA / gore unake khilApha bahuta ubhare hue haiM, aura unakI jAna khatare meM hai / . supariTeMDeMTa TaiTa unheM zAmako livA le jAyaMge / kaptAnane mujhe isa saMdezakA samAcAra sunAyA / maiMne unake anusAra karanA svIkAra kiyA; paraMtu isa saMdezako mile abhI AdhA ghaMTA bhI na huA hogA ki mi0 lATana Aye aura kaptAnase milakara kahA--" yadi mi0 gAMdhI mere sAtha AnA cAheM to maiM unheM apanI jimmedArIpara le jAnA cAhatA hUM / jahAjake ejeMTa ke vakIla kI haisiyatase maiM Apase kahatA hUM ki mi0 gAMdhIke saMbaMdha meM jo saMdeza pako milA hai usase Apa apaneko barI samajheM / " isa taraha kaptAnase bAtacIta karake vaha mere pAsa Aye aura kucha isa prakAra kahA-- yadi Apako jiMdagIkA Dana ho to maiM cAhatA hUM ki zrImatI gAMdhI aura bacce gAr3I meM rustamajI seThake yahAM cale jAyeM aura maiM aura zrApa grAma- rAste hokara paidala caleM / rAtako aMdherA par3a jAnepara cupake-cupake zahara meM jAnA mujhe bilakula acchA nahIM lagatA / maiM samajhatA hUM ki ApakA bAlaka bAMkA nahIM ho sakatA hai| aba to cAroM ora zAMti hai / gore saba idhara-udhara bikhara gaye haiM / aura jo bhI ho, merA to yahI mata haiM ki ApakA isa taraha chipakara jAnA ucita nahIM / 16 33 maiM isase sahamata huA / dharma-patnI aura bacce rustamajI seThake yahAM gAr3I meM gaye aura sahI-salAmata jA phuNce| maiM kaptAnase vidA mAMgakara mi0 lATanake sAtha jahAjase utarA / rustamajI seThakA ghara lagabhaga do mIla thA / jaise hI hama jahAja se utare, kucha chokaroMne mujhe pahacAna liyA aura ve ' gAMdhI-gAMdhI' cillAne lage / tatkAlahI do-cAra AdamI ikaTThe ho gaye aura merA nAma lekara jora se cillAne lage / mi0 lATanane dekhA ki bhIr3a bar3ha jAyagI, unhoMne rikzA maMgAI / mujhe rikzAmeM baiThanA kabhI bhI acchA na mAlUma hotA thA /

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adhyAya 3 : kasauTI mujhe usakA anubhava yaha pahalI hI bAra honevAlA thaa| para chokare kyoM baiThane dene lage? unhoMne rikzA vAleko dhamakAkara bhagA diyA / hama Age cale / bhIr3a bhI bar3hatI jAtI thii| kAphI majamA ho gyaa| sabase pahale to bhIr3ane mujhe mi0 lATanase alaga kara diyaa| phira mujhapara kaMkar3a aura sar3e aMDe barasane lge| kisIne merI pagar3I bhI girA dI aura mujhe lAteM laganI zurU huI / ___ mujhe gaza pA gyaa| najadIkake varake sIMkhaceko pakar3akara maine sAMsa liyaa| khar3A rahanA to asaMbhava hI thaa| aba thappar3a bhI par3ane lge| itane meM hI pulisa suparinTeMDeMTakI patnI jo mujha jAnatI thIM, udhara hokara nikliiN| mujhe dekhate hI vaha mere pAsa A khar3I huIM, aura dhUpake na rahate hue bhI apanA chAtA mujhapara tAna diyaa| isase bhIr3a kucha dbii| ava agara ve coTa karate bhI to zrImatI alekajeMDarako bacAkara hI kara sakate the| isI bIca koI hiMdustAnI, mujhapara hamalA hotA huA dekha, pulisa thAnepara daur3a gayA / suparinTeMDeMTa alekajeMDarane pulisakI eka Tukar3I mujhe bacAneke lie bhejii| vaha samayapara A phuNcii| merA rAstA pulisacaukIse hI hokara gujaratA thaa| suparinTeMDeMTane mujhe thAnemeM Thahara jAneko khaa| maiMne inkAra kara diyA kahA-" jaba loga apanI bhUla samajha leMge taba zAMta ho jaayNge| mujhe unakI nyAya-buddhipara vizvAsa hai / " pulisakI rakSAmeM maiM sahI-salAmata pArasI rustamajI ke ghara phuNcaa| pIThapara mujhe aMdarUnI coTa pahuMcI thii| jakhma sirpha eka hI jagaha huA thA / jahAjake DAkTara dAdI barajora vahIM maujUda the| unhoMne merI acchI taraha sevA-suthanA kii| isa taraha jahAM aMdara zAMti thI, vahAM bAharase goroMne gharako ghera liyaa| zAma ho gaI thii| aMdherA ho gayA thaa| hajAroM loga bAhara zora macA rahe the aura pukAra rahe the---" gAMdhIko hamAre havAle kara do|" mAmalA saMgIna dekhakara suparinTeMDeMTa alekajeMDara vahAM pahuMca gaye the aura bhIr3ako DarA-dhamakAkara nahIM; balki haMsI-majAka karate hue kAbUmeM rakha rahe the / phira bhI vaha ciMtAmukta na the| unhoMne mujhe isa AzayakA saMdeza bhejA-- "yadi Apa apane mitrake jAna-mAlako, makAnako tathA apane bAla-baccoMko

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164 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 bacAnA cAhate hoM to maiM jisa taraha batAUM, Apako chipakara isa gharase nikala jAnA caahie|" eka hI dina mujhe eka-dUsarese viparIta do kAma karanekA samaya aayaa| jabaki jAna jAnekA bhaya kevala kalpita mAlUma hotA thA taba mi0 lATanane mujhe khule Ama bAhara calanekI salAha dI aura maiMne use mAnA; para jaba khatarA prAMkhoMke sAmane thA taba dUsare mitrane isase ulaTI salAha dI aura use bhI maiMne mAna liyaa| aba kauna batA sakatA hai ki maiM apanI jAnakI jokhimase DarA, athavA mitrake jAna-mAlako yA apane bAla-baccoMko hAni pahuMcane ke Darase, yA tInoMke ? kauna nizcayapUrvaka kaha sakatA hai ki merA jahAjase himmata dikhAkara utaranA aura phira khatareke pratyakSa hote hue chipakara bhAga jAnA ucita thA ? paraMtu jo bAteM ho cukI haiM unakI isa taraha carcA hI phijUla hai| usameM kAmakI bAteM sirpha itanI haiM ki jo-kucha huA, use samajha leN| usase jo nasIhata mila sakatI ho, use le leN| kisa maukepara kauna manuSya kyA karegA, yaha nizcaya-pUrvaka nahIM kaha skte| usI taraha hama yaha bhI dekha sakate haiM ki manuSya ke bAhyAcArase usake guNakI jo parIkSA hotI hai vaha adhUrI hotI hai aura anumAna-mAtra hotI hai / jo kucha ho, bhAganekI taiyArImeM maiM apanI coToMko bhUla gyaa| maiMne hiMdustAnI sipAhIkI vardI phnii| kahIM sirapara coTa na lage, isa aMdezese sirapara eka pItalakI taztarI rakha lI aura usapara madarAsiyoMkA laMbA sAphA lpettaa| sAthameM do jAsUsa the, jinameM ekane hiMdustAnI vyApArIkA rUpa banAyA thA; apanA muMha hiMdustAnIkI taraha raMga liyA thaa| dUsarene kyA svAMga banAyA thA yaha ma bhUla gayA huuN| hama najadIka kI galIse hokara par3ausakI eka dukAnameM pahuMce, aura godAmameM rakkhe boroMke Dherake aMdheremeM bacate hue dukAnake daravAjese nikala bhIr3ameM hokara bAhara cale gye| galIke muMhapara gAr3I khar3I thI, usameM baiThakara hama usI thAnepara pahuMce jahAM Thaharaneke lie suparinTeMDeMTane pahale kahA thaa| maiMne suparinTeMDeMTakA tathA khuphiyA pulisake aphasarakA ahasAna mAnA / isa taraha eka ora jaba maiM dUsarI jagaha le jAyA jA rahA thA taba dUsarI ora suparinTeMDeMTa bhIDako gIta sunA rahA thA, usakA hiMdI-bhAva yaha hai-- "calo, isa gAMdhIko hama isa imalIke peDapara phAMsI laTakA deN|" jaba suparinTeMDeMTako khabara mila gaI ki maiM sahI-salAmata mukAma para

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adhyAya 3 : kasauTI 165 11 'lo, tumhArA zikAra toisa dukAna se hokara yaha sunakara bhIr3a meM se kucha loga bigar3e, kucha gayA taba unhoMne bhIr3ase kahA-sahI-salAmata bAhara saTaka gayA / haMse aura bahuteroMne to unakI bAta hI na mAnI / " to tumameM se koI jAkara aMdara dekha le | agara gAMdhI yahAM mila jAya to use maiM tumhAre havAle kara dUMgA, na mile to tumako apane-apane ghara cale jAnA caahie| mujhe itanA to vizvAsa hai ki tuma pArasI rustamajIke makAnako na . jalAoge aura gAMdhI ke bAla-baccoMko nukasAna na pahuMcAoge / " suparinTeMDeMTane kahA / bhIne pratinidhi cune| pratinidhiyoMne bhIr3ako nirAzA janaka samAcAra sunAye / saba suparinTeMDeMTa alekjeMDarakI samaya-sUcakatA aura caturAI kI stuti karate hue, aura kucha loga mana-hI-mana kur3hate hue, ghara cale gaye / 66 svargIya mi0 cembaralenane tAra diyA ki gAMdhIpara hamalA karanevAloMpara mukadamA calAyA jAya aura aisA kiyA jAya ki gAMdhIko insApha mile / mi0 aiskaMbane mujhe bulaayaa| mujhe jo coTeM pahuMcI thIM, usake lie duHkha pradarzita kiyA aura kahAApa yaha to avazya mAneMge ki Apako jarA bhI kaSTa pahuMcanese mujhe khuzI nahIM ho sakatI / mi0 lATanakI salAha mAnakara Apane jo utara jAne kA sAhasa kiyA, usakA Apako haka thA; para yadi mere saMdezake anusAra Apane kiyA hotA to yaha duHkhada ghaTanA na huI hotI / aba yadi Apa AkramaNakAriyoMko pahacAna sakeM to maiM unheM giraphtAra karake mukadamA calAneke lie taiyAra hUM / mi0 cembaralena bhI aisA hI cAhate haiM / "1 maiMne uttara diyA-- "maiM kisIpara mukadamA calAnA nahIM cAhatA / hamalAiyoMmeMse eka-doko maiM pahacAna bhI lUM to unheM sajA karAnese mujhe kyA lAbha ? phira maiM to unheM doSI bhI nahIM mAnatA hUM; kyoMki una becAroMko to yaha kahA gayA ki hiMdustAna meM maiMne neTAlake goroMkI bharapeTa aura bar3hA-car3hAkara niMdA kI hai / isa bAta para yadi ve vizvAsa kara leM aura bigar3a par3eM to isameM prAzcaryakI kauna bAta hai ? kusUra to Uparake logoMkA, aura mujhe kahane deM to zrApakA, mAnA jA sakatA hai / Apa logoMko ThIka salAha de sakate the; para Apane raoNyaTara ke tArapara vizvAsa kiyA aura kalpanA kara lI ki maiMne pratyuktise kAma liyA hogA / maiM

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 kisIpara mukadamA calAnA nahIM caahtaa| jaba asalI aura saccI bAta logoMpara prakaTa ho jAyagI aura loga jAna jAyaMge taba apane-Apa pachatAyaMge / " ___ "to Apa loga mujhe yaha bAta likhakara de deMge ? mujhe mi0 cembaralenako isa AzayakA tAra denA pdd'egaa| maiM nahIM cAhatA ki Apa jaldImeM koI bAta likha deN| mi0 lATanase tathA apane dUsare mitroMse salAha karake jo ucita mAlUma ho, vahI kreN| hAM, yaha bAta maiM jAnatA hUM ki yadi Apa hamalAiyoMpara mAmalA na calAveMge to saba bAtoMko ThaMDA karanemeM mujhe bahuta madada milegI aura ApakI . pratiSThA to bahuta hI bar3ha jaaygii|" maiMne uttara diyA--" isa saMbaMdhameM mere vicAra nizcita ho cuke haiM / yaha taya hai ki maiM kisIpara mukadamA calAnA nahIM cAhatA, isalie maiM yahIM-kAyahIM Apako likhe detA huuN|" yaha kahakara maiMne vaha Avazyaka patra likha diyA / zAMti hamaleke do-eka dina bAda jaba maiM mi0 aiskaMbase milA taba maiM pulisathAne meM hI thaa| mere sAtha merI rakSAke lie eka-do sipAhI rahate the| para vAstavameM dekhA jAya to jaba maiM mi0 aiskaMbake pAsa le jAyA gayA thA taba isa taraha rakSA karanekI jarUrata hI nahIM raha gaI thii| jisa dina maiM jahAjase utarA usI dina, arthAt pIlA jhaMDA utarate hI, turaMta 'neTAla eDavaraTAijara'kA pratinidhi mujhase Akara milA thaa| usane kitanI hI bAteM pUchI thIM aura usake praznoMke uttarameM maiMne eka-eka bAtakA pUrA-pUrA javAba diyA thaa| sara phirojazAhakI neka salAhake anusAra usa samaya maiMne bhAratavarSa meM eka bhI bhASaNa alikhita nahIM diyA thaa| apane ina tamAma lekhoM aura bhASaNoMkA saMgraha mere pAsa thA hii| ve saba maiMne use de diye, aura yaha sAbita kara diyA ki bhAratameM maiMne aisI eka bhI bAta nahIM kahI thI, jo usase teja

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adhyAya 4: zAMti 167 zabdoMmeM dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM na kahI ho| maiMne yaha bhI spaSTa kara diyA thA ki 'kuralaiMDa' tathA 'nAdarI 'ke musAphiroMko lAne meM merA hAtha bilakula nahIM hai| unameMse bahutere to neTAlake hI purAne bAziMde the aura zeSa neTAla jAnevAle nahIM, balki TrAMsavAla jAnevAle the| usa samaya neTAlameM rojagAra maMdA thaa| TrAMsavAlameM kAma-dhaMdhA khUba calatA thA, aura AmadanI bhI acchI hotI thii| isalie adhikAMza hiMdustAnI vahIM jAnA pasaMda karate the / isa spaSTIkaraNakA tathA AkramaNakAriyoMpara mukadamA na calanekA prabhAva itanA jabaradasta huA ki goroMko zarmiMdA honA pdd'aa| akhabAroMne mujhe nirdoSa batAyA aura hullar3a karanevAloMko burA-bhalA khaa| isa taraha aMtako jAkara isa ghaTanAse lAbha hI huaa| aura jo merA lAbha thA vaha hamAre kAryakA hI lAbha thaa| isase hiMdustAnI logoMkI pratiSThA bar3hI aura merA rAstA adhika sugama ho gayA / tIna yA cAra dinameM maiM ghara gayA aura thor3e hI dinoMmeM apanA kAma-kAja dekhane-bhAlana lgaa| isa ghaTanAke kAraNa merI vakAlata bhI camaka uThI / paraMtu isa taraha eka ora hiMdustAniyoMkI pratiSThA bar3hI to isake sAtha hI dUsarI ora unake prati dveSa bhI bar3hA / logoMko yaha nizcaya ho gayA ki inameM dRr3hatAke sAtha lar3anekI sAmarthya hai aura isa kAraNa unakA bhaya bhI bar3ha gyaa| neTAlakI dhArA-sabhAmeM do bila peza hue, jinase hiMdustAniyoMke kaSTa aura bar3ha gye| ekase hiMdustAnI vyApAriyoMke dhaMdheko hAni pahuMcatI thI aura dUsarese hiMdustAniyoMke jAne-mAnemeM bhArI rukAvaTa hotI thii| sudaivase matAdhikArakI lar3AI ke samaya yaha phaisalA ho gayA thA ki hiMdustAniyoMke khilApha unake hiMdustAnI honekI haisiyatase, koI kAnUna nahIM banAyA jA sktaa| isakA artha yaha huA ki kAnUnameM jAti-bheda aura raMga-bhedako sthAna na milanA caahie| isa kAraNa pUrvokta donoM biloMkI bhASA to aisI rakkhI gaI, jisameM ve saba logoMpara ghaTate hue dikhAI deM; para unakA asalI hetu thA hiMdustAniyoMke hakoM ko kama kara denA / ina biloMne merA kAma bahuta bar3hA diyA thA aura hiMdustAniyoMmeM jAgrati bhI bahuta phailA dI thii| ina biloMkI bArIkiyAM isa taraha logoMko samajhA dI gaI thIM ki koI bhI bhAratavAsI unase anajAna na rahane pAve aura usake anuvAda

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168 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3. bhI prakAzita kiye gaye / jhagar3A aMtako vilAyatataka pahuMcA; paraMtu bila nAmaMjUra na hue / aba merA bahuterA samaya sArvajanika kAmoMmeM hI jAne lgaa| maiM likha cukA hUM ki manasukhalAla nAjara neTAlameM the / vaha mere sAtha hue / jabase vaha sArvajanika kAmoMmeM adhika yoga dene lage tabase merA bojha kucha halakA huA / merI gairahAjirI meM AdamajI miyAMkhAnane maMtrI - padakA kAma sucArurUpase kiyaa| unake samayameM sabhAsadoMkI saMkhyA bhI bar3hI aura lagabhaga eka hajAra, pauMDa sthAnIya kAMgresake koSameM bddh'e| hama musAphiroMpara hue usa hamalekI badaulata tathA pUrvokta biloMke virodhake phalasvarUpa jo jAgrati huI usake dvArA maiMne isa bar3hatI aura bhI bar3hatI karanekA vizeSa udyoga kiyA aura aba hamAre koSa meM lagabhaga pAMca hajAra pauMDa jamA ho gye| mujhe yaha lobha laga rahA thA ki yadi sident ko sthAyI ho jAya aura jamIna le lI jAya to usake kirAye se kAMgresa Arthika dRSTise nizcita ho jAya / sArvajanika saMsthAoM kA yahI mujhe pahalA anubhava thA / maiMne apanA vicAra apane sAthiyoMke sAmane rakkhA / unhoMne usakA svAgata kiyA / makAna kharIde gaye aura ve kirAyepara uThAye gaye / jAyadAdakA acchA TrasTa banAyA gayA / yaha jAyadAda Aja bhI maujUda hai; paraMtu vaha Apasake kalahakA mUla ho gaI hai aura usakA kirAyA Aja adAlatameM jamA ho rahA hai / yaha duHkhada bAta to mere dakSiNa aphrIkA chor3a deneke bAda huI hai; paraMtu sArvajanika saMsthAoM ke lie sthAyI koSa rakhaneke saMbaMdha meM mere vicAra dakSiNa aphrIkA meM hI badala gye| kitanI hI sArvajanika saMsthAnoMkA janma dene tathA unakA saMcAlana karane kI jimmedArI raha cAkaneke kAraNa merA yaha dRr3ha nirNaya huA hai ki kisI bhI sArvajanika saMsthAko sthAyI koSapara nirvAha karanekA prayatna na karanA cAhie; kyoMki isameM naitika adhogatikA bIja samAyA rahatA hai / sArvajanika saMsthAkA artha hai logoMkI maMjUrI aura logoMke dhanase calanevAlI saMsthA | jaba logoMkI madada milanA baMda ho jAya taba use jIvita rahanekA fear hIM / sthAyI saMpattipara calanevAlI saMsthA lokamata se svataMtra hotI huI dekhI jAtI hai aura kitanI hI bAra to lokamata ke viparIta bhI prAcaraNa karatI hai / isakA anubhava bhAratavarSa meM hameM kadamakadamapara hotA hai / kitanI hI dhArmika

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adhyAya 5 : bAla-zikSaNa 166 mAnI jAnevAlI saMsthAoM ke hisAba-kitAbakA koI ThikAnA nahIM hai / unake prabaMdhaka hI unake mAlika bana baiThe haiM aura aise bana gaye haiM, mAno ve kisIke prati javAbadeha hI nahIM the / kudarata jisa prakAra nitya paidA karatI aura nitya khAtI hai usI prakAra sArvajanika saMsthAnoMkA jIvana honA caahie| jisa saMsthAkI sahAyatA karaneke lie loga taiyAra na hoM use sArvajanika saMsthAkI haisiyata se kAyama rahanekA adhikAra nahIM / vArSika caMdA saMsthAkI lokapriyatA aura usake saMcAlakoMkI ImAnadArIkI kasauTI hai; aura merA yaha mata hai ki pratyeka saMsthAko cAhie ki vaha apane ko isa kasauTIpara kase / isase kisI taraha kI galataphahamI na honI caahie| yaha TIkA una saMsthAoMpara lAgU nahIM hotI jinheM makAna AdikI jarUrata hotI hai / saMsthAkA cAlU kharca logoMkI sahAyatA se calanA cAhie / dakSiNa atara satyAgraha ke samaya mere ye vicAra dRr3ha hue / chaH sAlataka yaha bhArI lar3AI binA sthAyI caMdeke calI, hAlAMki usake lie lAkhoM rupaye kI zrAvazyakatA thI / aise samaya mujhe yAda haiM jabaki yaha nahIM kaha sakate the ki kalake lie kharca kahAMse AvegA ? paraMtu ye bAteM Age Ane hI vAlI haiM, isalie yahAM inakA jikra na karUMgA / 5 bAla- zikSaNa janavarI 1897 meM maiM jaba Darabana utarA taba mere sAtha tIna bAlaka the / eka merA 10 sAlakA bhAnajA, dUsare mere do lar3ake -- eka nau sAlakA aura dUsarA pAMca sAlakA / aba savAla yaha peza huA ki inakI par3hAI-likhAIkA kyA prabaMdha kareM / goroMkI pAThazAlA meM apane baccoMko bheja sakatA thA; para vaha unakI 'meharabAnI se aura bataura chUTake / dUsare hiMdustAniyoM ke lar3ake unameM nahIM par3ha sakate the | hiMdustAnI baccoM ko par3hAneke lie IsAI mizana ke madarase the / unameM apane baccoM ko par3hAne ke lie maiM taiyAra na thA / vahAM kI zikSA-dIkSA mujhe pasaMda

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 na thii| aura gujarAtIke dvArA bhalA vahAM par3hAI kaise ho sakatI thI ? yA tI aMgrejI dvArA ho sakatI thI, yA bahuta prayAsa karanepara TUTI-phUTI tamila yA hiMdI ke dvaaraa| ina tathA dUsarI truTiyoMko dara-gujara karanA mere lie muzkila thaa| maiM khuda baccoMko par3hAnekI thor3I-bahuta koziza karatA; paraMtu par3hAI niyamita rUpase na cltii| idhara gujarAtI zikSaka bhI maiM apane anukUla na khoja skaa| maiM soca meM pdd'aa| maiMne eka aise aMgrejI zikSakake lie vijJApana diyA,, jo mere vicAroMke anusAra bAlakoMko zikSA de ske| socA ki isa taraha jo zikSaka mila jAyagA, usase kucha to niyamita par3hAI hogI aura kucha maiM khuda jisa taraha bana par3egA kAma claauuNgaa| sAta pauMDa vetanapara eka aMgreja mahilAko rakkhA aura kisI taraha kAma Age calAyA / maiM bAlakoMse gujarAtImeM hI bAtacIta krtaa| isase unheM kucha gujarAtIkA jJAna ho jAtA thaa| unheM desa bheja dene ke lie maiM taiyAra na thaa| usa samaya bhI merA yaha vicAra thA ki choTe baccoMko mAM-bApase dUra na rakhanA caahie| suvyavasthita gharameM bAlaka jo zikSA apane-Apa pA lete haiM vaha chAtrAlayoMmeM nahIM pA sakate haiN| ataeva adhikAMzameM ve mere hI pAsa rhe| hAM, bhAnaje aura bar3e lar3akeko maiMne kucha mahInoMke lie desake judA-judA chAtrAlayoMmeM bheja diyA thA; para zIghra hI vApasa bulA liyaa| bAdako merA bar3A lar3akA, vayaska ho jAnepara apanI icchAse ahamadAbAdake hAIskUlameM par3haneke lie dakSiNa aphrIkAse calA aayaa| bhAnajeke bAremeM to merA khayAla hai ki jo zikSaNa meM de rahA thA usase use saMtoSa thaa| vaha kucha dina bImAra rahakara bhara-javAnImeM isa lokako chor3a gyaa| zeSa tIna lar3ake kabhI kisI pAThazAlAmeM par3hane na gye| sirpha satyAgrahake silasilemeM sthApita pAThazAlAmeM unhoMne niyamita rUpase kucha par3hA thA / mere ye prayoga apUrNa the| jitanA maiM cAhatA thA utanA samaya bAlakoMko na de sakatA thaa| isa tathA anya anivArya ar3acanoMke kAraNa maiM jaisA cAhatA thA vaisA akSara-jJAna unheM na de skaa| mere tamAma lar3akoMko thor3I mAtrAmeM yaha zikAyata mujhase rahI hai| kyoMki jaba-jaba ve 'bI0 e0' 'ema0 e0' athavA 'gaidikyuleTa'ke bhI samAgamameM Ate haiM taba-taba ne apane aMdara skUlameM na par3hanekI

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adhyAya 5 : bAla- zikSaNa * 201 kamIko anubhava karate haiM / itanA hote hue bhI merA apanA yaha mata hai ki jo anubhava-jJAna unheM milA hai, mAtA-pitAkA jo sahavAsa ve prApta kara sake haiM, svataMtratAkA jo padArthapATha sIkha pAye haiM - yaha saba ve na prApta kara sakate, yadi maiMne unakI rucike anusAra unheM skUlameM bhejA hotA / unake saMbaMdha meM jitanA nizcita maiM Aja hUM, utanA na huA hotA aura jo sAdagI aura sevA-bhAva prAja unake aMdara dikhAI detA hai use ve na sIkha pAte yadi mujhase alaga rahakara bilAyata meM athavA aphrIkA meM kRtrima zikSA unhoMne pAI hotI / balki unakI kRtrima rahana-sahana zAyada mere dezakArya meM bhI bAdhaka ho jAtI / isa kAraNa, yadyapi maiM jitanA cAhatA thA utanA akSara jJAna unheM na de sakA, tathApi jaba maiM apane pichale varSoMkA vicAra karatA hUM to mujhe yaha nahIM lagatA ki maiMne unake prati apane dharmakA yathA-zakti pAlana nahIM kiyA aura na mujhe isa bAtapara pazcAttApa hI hotA hai; balki isake viparIta jaba maiM apane bar3e lar3ake ke duHkhada pariNAma dekhatA hUM to mujhe vAra-bAra yaha mAlUma hotA hai ki vaha mere adhakacare pUrvakAla kI pratidhvani hai / vaha merA eka tarahase mUrcchA-kAla, vaibhavakAla thA aura usa samaya usakI umra itanI thI ki use usakA smaraNa raha sakatA thA / ba vaha kaise mAnegA ki vaha merA mUrcchA - kAla thA ? vaha yaha kyoM na mAnegA ki vaha to merA jJAna- kAla thA aura bAdake ye parivartana anucita aura moha-janya haiM ? vaha kyoM na mAne ki usa samaya maiM jagatke rAjamArgapara cala rahA thA aura isalie surakSita thA aura usake bAda kiye parivartana mere sUkSma zrabhimAna aura ajJAnake cihna haiM ? yadi mere putra bairisTara ityAdi padavI pAye hote to kyA burA thA ? mujhe unake paMkha kATanekA kyA adhikAra thA ? maiMne unheM kyoM na aisI sthiti meM rakkhA, jisase ve apanI rucike anusAra jIvana-mArga pasaMda karate ? aisI dalIleM mere kitane hI mitroMne mere sAmane peza kI haiM / para mujhe inameM jora nahIM mAlUma detA / aneka vidyArthiyoMse merA sAbakA par3A haiM / dUsare bAlakoMpara dUsare prayoga bhI maiMne kiye haiM athavA karanemeM sahAyaka huA huuN| unake pariNAma bhI maiMne dekhe haiM / ve bAlaka aura mere lar3ake Aja eka umra ke haiM; para maiM nahIM mAnatA ki ve mere lar3akoMse manuSyatvameM bar3he- car3he haiM athavA

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202 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 mere lar3ake unase bahuta kucha sIkha sakate haiM / phira bhI mere prayogakA aMtima pariNAma to bhaviSya hI batA sakatA hai| isa viSaya kI carcA yahAM karanekA tAtparya yaha hai ki manuSya jAtikI utkrAMtikA adhyayana karanevAlA manuSya isa bAtakA kucha-kucha aMdAja kara sake ki gRha-zikSA aura skUla zikSA ke bhedakA aura apane jIvanameM kiye mAtA-pitA ke parivartanoMkA baccoM para kyA asara hotA hai / isake alAvA isa prakaraNakA yaha bhI tAtparya hai ki satyakA pujArIdekha sake ki satyakI ArAdhanA use kisa hadataka le jA sakatI hai aura svataMtratA devIkA upAsaka yaha dekha sake ki vaha kitanA balidAna mAMgatI hai / hAM, bAlakoM ko apane sAtha rakhate hue bhI unheM akSara jJAna dilA sakatA thA, yadi maiMne AtmasammAna chor3a diyA hotA, yadi maiMne isa vicArako ki jo zikSA dUsare hiMdustAnI bAlakoMko nahIM mila sakatI vaha mujhe apane baccoMko dilAnekI icchA na karanI cAhie, apane hRdaya meM sthAna na diyA hotaa| para usa avasthAmeM ve svataMtratA aura AtmasammAnakA vaha padArtha-pATha na sIkha pAte, jo grAja sIkha sake haiN| aura jahAM svataMtratA aura akSara jJAna inameM se kisI ekako pasaMda karanekA savAla ho, vahAM kauna kaha sakatA haiM ki svataMtratA akSara jJAna se hajAra gunA acchI nahIM hai ? 1920 meM maiMne jina navayuvakoMko svataMtratA- ghAtaka skUloM aura kAlejoMko chor3a denekA nimaMtraNa diyA aura jinase maiMne kahA ki svataMtratAke lie nirakSara rahakara sar3akoMpara giTTI phor3anA behatara hai, banisbata isake ki gulAmImeM rahakara akSara jJAna prApta kareM, ve zAyada aba mere isa kathanakA mUla srota dekha sakeMge / 6 sevA-bhAva merA kAma yadyapi ThIka cala rahA thA, phira bhI mujhe usase saMtoSa na thA / 'mana meM aisA maMthana calatA hI rahatA thA ki jIvanameM adhika sAdagI AnI cAhie aura kucha-na-kucha zArIrika sevA kArya honA cAhie / saMyogase eka dina eka apaMga kor3hI ghara A phuNcaa| use kucha khAneko

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adhyAya 6 : sevA-bhAva 203 dekara haTA dene ko jI na cAhA / use eka kamare meM rakkhA, usake jakhmoMko dhoyA aura usakI zuzrUSA kI / kiMtu yaha kitane dinoMtaka cala sakatA thA ? sadAke lie use gharameM rakhane yogya na suvidhA mere pAsa thI, na itanI himmata hI ; ataH maiMne use giramiTiyoMke sarakArI aspatAlameM bheja diyA / para isase mujhe tRpti na huI / manameM yaha huA karatA ki yadi aisA koI . zuzrUSAkA kAma sadA milatA rahe to kyA acchA ho ? DA0 bUtha seMTa eDamsa mizanake adhikArI the / jo koI prAtA use vaha hamezA muphta davA dete the / bar3e bhale AdamI the; unakA hRdaya snehapUrNa thA / unakI dekha-rekha meM pArasI rustamajI ke dAna se eka choTA-sA aspatAla kholA gayA thA / isameM narsake taurapara kAma karanekI mujhe prabala icchA huI / ekase lekara do ghaMTetaka usameM davA denekA kAma rahatA thA / Ear banAnevAle kisI vaitanika yA svayaMsevakakI vahAM jarUrata thii| maiMne itanA samaya apane kAma se nikAlakara isa kAmako karanekA nizcaya kiyA / vakAlatasaMbaMdhI merA kAma to itanA hI thA -- daphtarameM baiThe baiThe salAha denA, dastAvejoM ke masavide banAnA aura jhagar3e sulajhAnA / majisTreTake ijalAsameM thor3e-bahuta mukadame rahate / usameM se adhikAMza to avivAdAspada hote the / jaba aise mukadame hote taba mi0 khAna unakI pairavI kara dete / vaha mere bAda Aye the aura mere sAtha hI rahate the / isa taraha maiM isa choTe se aspatAlameM kAma karane lagA / roja subaha vahAM jAnA par3atA thA / Ane-jAne aura vahAM kAma karane meM koI do ghaMTe laga jAte the / isa kAma se mere manako kucha zAMti milI / rogI se hAla-cAla pUchakara DAkTarako samajhAnA aura DAkTara jo davA batAve vaha taiyAra karake de denA -- yaha merA kAma thA / isa kAryase maiM dukhI hiMdustAniyoMke pragAr3ha saMbaMdha Ane lagA / unameM adhika bhAga tamila aura telagU athavA hidustAnI giramiTiyoMkA thA / yaha anubhava mujhe bhaviSyameM bar3A upayogI sAbita huyA | boara yuddhake -samaya ghAyaloMkI zuzrUSAmeM tathA dUsare rogiyoMkI sevA Tahala meM mujhe usase bar3I sahAyatA milI / astu / idhara bAlakoMkI paravarizakA prazna to mere sAmane thA hI / dakSiNa

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204 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 bhIkA mujhe do lar3ake aura hue| unakA lAlana-pAlana karanekI samasyAko hala karane meM mujhe isa kAma se acchI sahAyatA milii| merA svataMtra svabhAva mujhe bahuta tapAyA karatA thA aura aba bhI tapAtA hai / hama daMpatIne nizcaya kiyA ki prasava kArya zAstrIya paddhatike anusAra hI honA cAhie / isalie yadyapi DAkTara aura narsakA to prabaMdha thA hI, phira bhI mere manameM yaha vicAra AyA ki yadi DAkTara sAhaba samaya para na A pAveM aura dAI kahIM calI jAya to merA kyA hAla hogA ? dAI to hiMdustAnI hI bulAnevAle the / zikSitA dAI hiMdustAnameM hI muzkilase. milatI hai to phira dakSiNa aphrIkAkI to bAta hI kyA ? isalie maiMne bAlapAlanakA adhyayana kiyA / DA0 tribhuvanadAsa likhita 'mAne zikhAmaNa' nAmaka pustaka pddh'ii| usameM kucha ghaTA-bar3hAkara aMtima donoM bAlakoMkA lAlana-pAlana prAyaH maiMne khuda kiyaa| hara bAra dAIkI sahAyatA to lI; para do mAsase adhika nahIM / so bhI pradhAnataH dharmapatnIkI sevAke lie | baccoMko nahalAne-dhulAnekA kAma zurUAta meM hI karatA thA / para aMtima bAlakake janmake samaya merI pUrI-pUrI zrAjamAiza ho gaI / prasava vedanA ekAeka zurU huI / DAkTara maujUda nahIM thA / maiM dAIko bulAnevAlA thA; para vaha yadi najadIka hotI bhI to prasava na karA pAtI / zrataeva prasavakAlIna sArA kAma khuda mujhe karanA par3A / saubhAgyase maiMne yaha viSaya 'mAne zikhAmaNa' meM acchI taraha par3ha liyA thA; isase ghabarAyA nahIM / maiMne dekhA ki mAtA-pitA yadi cAhate hoM ki unake baccoMkI paravariza acchI taraha ho to donoMko bAla-pAlana AdikA mAmUlI jJAna avazya prApta kara lenA cAhie / isake saMbaMdha meM jitanI ciMtA maiMne rakkhI hai usakA lAbha mujhe kadama-kadamapara dikhAI diyA hai / mere lar3akoMkI taMdurustI jo Aja grAma-taurapara acchI hai, vaha acchI nahIM rahI hotI, yadi maiMne bAlakoMke lAlana-pAlanakA Avazyaka jJAna prApta na kiyA hotA aura usakA pAlana na kiyA hotA / hama logoM meM yaha eka hama pracalita hai ki pahale pAMca sAlataka bacceko zikSA denekI jarUrata nahIM hai / paraMtu saccI bAta yaha hai ki bAlaka prathama pAMca varSoM meM jitanA sIkhatA hai utanA bAdako haragija nahIM / maiM anubhavase yaha kaha sakatA hUM ki bAlakakI zikSAkI zurU to mAtA udarase hI zurU ho jAtI hai| garbhAdhAna samayakI mAtA

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adhyAya 7 : brahmacarya - - 1 205 pitAkI zArIrika evaM mAnasika sthitikA prabhAva baccepara avazya par3atA hai / mAtA garbhakAlIna prakRti, mAtAke prAhAra-vihArake acche-bure phalako virAsata meM pAkara baccA janma pAtA hai / janmake bAda vaha mAtA-pitAkA anukaraNa karane lagatA hai / vaha khuda to asahAya hotA hai, isalie usake vikAsakA dAromadAra mAtA- pitApara hI rahatA hai / jo samajhadAra daMpatI itanA vicAra kareMge ve to kabhI daMpatI saMgako viSaya. vAsanAkI pUrtikA sAdhana na banAveMge / ve to tabhI saMga kareMge, jaba unheM saMtatikI icchA hogI / rati-sukhakA svataMtra astitva hai, yaha mAnanA mujhe to ghora ajJAna hI dikhAI detA hai / janana kriyApara saMsAra ke astitvakA avalaMbana hai / saMsAra IzvarakI lIlA-bhUmi hai, usakI mahimAkA pratibiMva hai / jo zakhsa yaha mAnatA hai| ki usakI suvyavasthita buddhike lie hI rati kriyA nirmANa huI hai, vaha viSaya-vAsanAko bhagIratha prayatnake dvArA bhI rokegA / aura rati-bhogake phalasvarUpa jo saMtati utpanna hogI usakI zArIrika, mAnasika aura AdhyAtmika rakSA karaneke lie Avazyaka jJAna prApta karake apanI prajAko usase lAbhAnvita karegA / brahmacarya - 1 brahmacarya ke saMbaMdha meM vicAra karanekA samaya AyA hai| eka patnIvrata to vivAha ke samaya se hI mere hRdayameM sthAna kara liyA thA / patnI ke prati merI vafAdArI mere satyavrata kA eka aMga thA, paraMtu svapatnI ke sAtha bhI brahmacaryakA pAlana karanekI AvazyakatA mujhe dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM hI spaSTarUpase dikhAI dI / fre prasaMga athavA kisa pustakake prabhAva se yaha vicAra mere manameM paidA huA, yaha isa samaya ThIka yAda nahIM par3atA; para itanA smaraNa hotA hai ki isameM rAyacaMda - bhAIkA prabhAva pradhAnarUpase kAma kara rahA thA / unake sAtha huA eka saMvAda mujhe yAda hai / eka bAra maiM mi0 glaiDasTanake prati miseja glaiDasTanake premakI stuti kara rahA thaa| maiMne par3hA thA ki hAusa

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 / raarisakI baiThaka meM bhI miseja glaiDasTana apane patiko cAya banAkara pilAtI thIM / yaha bAta usa niyama-niSTha daMpatI ke jIvanakA eka niyama hI bana gayA thaa| maiMne yaha prasaMga kavijIko par3ha sunAyA aura usake silasile meM daMpatI - premakI stuti kI / rAyacaMdabhAI bole -- " isameM Apako kaunasI bAta mahattvakI mAlUma hotI hai -- miseja glaiDasTanakA patnIpana yA sevA-bhAva ? yadi vaha glaiDasTanakI bahana hotIM to ? athavA unakI vaphAdAra naukara hotIM aura phira usI premase cAya pilAtI to ? aisI bahanoM, aisI naukarAniyoMke udAharaNa kyA Aja hameM. na mileMge ? aura nArI jAtike badale aisA prema yadi nara jAtimeM dekhA hotA to kyA Apako sAnaMdAzcarya na hotA ? isa bAtapara vicAra kIjiegA / " rAyacaMdabhAI svayaM vivAhita the usa samaya to unakI yaha bAta mujhe kaThora mAlUma huI -- aisA smaraNa hotA hai; paraMtu ina vacanoMne mujhe loha -cuMbakakI taraha jakar3a liyA | puruSa naukarakI aisI svAmi-bhaktikI kImata patnIkI svAmI - niSThAkI kImata se hajAra gunA bar3hakara hai| pati-patnI meM ekatAkA ataeva premakA honA koI Azcarya kI bAta nahIM; para svAmI aura sevakameM aisA prema paidA karanA par3atA hai / ataeva dina-dina kavijIke vacanakA bala merI najaroM meM bar3hane lagA | meM yaha vicAra uThane lagA ki mujhe apanI patnI ke sAtha kaisA saMbaMdha rakhanA cAhie ? patnIko viSaya-bhogakA vAhana banAnA patnIke prati baphAdArI kaise ho sakatI hai ? jabataka maiM viSaya-vAsanA ke adhIna rahUMgA tabataka merI vaphAdArIkI kImata mAmUlI mAnI jaaygii| mujhe yahAM yaha bAta kaha denI cAhie ki hamAre pArasparika saMbaMdha meM kabhI patnIkI taraphase pahala nahIM huii| isa dRSTise maiM jisa dina se cAhUM brahmacarya kA pAlana mere lie salabha thA; para merI zakti yA grAsakti hI mujhe roka rahI thI / jAgarUka honeke bAda bhI do bAra to maiM asaphala hI rahA / prayatna karatA, para giratA; kyoMki usameM mukhya hetu ucca na thA / sirpha saMtAnotpattiko rokanA hI pradhAna lakSya thA / saMtati-nigrahake bAhya upakaraNoMke viSaya meM vilAyata meM maiMne thor3A-bahuta sAhitya par3ha liyA thaa| DA0 elisanake ina upAyoMkA ullekha annAhArasaMbaMdhI prakaraNa meM kara cukA hUM / usakA kucha kSaNika asara mujhapara huA bhI thA; 206

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adhyAya 7 : brahmacarya--1 207 paraMtu mi0 hilsake dvArA kiye gaye unake virodhakA tathA aMtaHsAdhana--saMyama--ke mamarthanakA asara mere dilapara bahuta huA aura anubhavase vaha cirasthAyI ho gyaa| isa kAraNa prajotpattikI anAvazyakatA jaMcate hI saMyama-pAlanake lie udyoga prAraMbha huaa| saMyama-pAlanameM kaThinAiyAM behada thiiN| alaga-alaga cArapAiyAM rkkhiiN| idhara maiM rAtako thakakara sonekI koziza karane lgaa| ina sAre prayatnoMkA vizeSa pariNAma usI samaya to na dikhAI diyA; para java maiM bhUtakAlakI aora AMkha uThAkara dekhatA hUM to jAna par3atA hai ki ina sAre prayatnoMne mujhe aMtima bala pradAna kiyA hai| ___ aMtima nizcaya to TheTha 1906 I0 meM hI kara skaa| usa samaya satyAgrahakA zrIgaNeza nahIM huA thaa| usakA svapnatakameM mujhe khayAla na thaa| boarayuddhake bAda neTAlameM 'julU' balavA huaa| usa samaya meM johAnsabargameM vakAlata karatA thA; para manane kahA ki isa samaya balave meM mujhe apanI sevA neTAla-sarakArako arpita karanI caahie| tadanusAra maiMne arpita kI bhI aura vaha svIkRta bhI huii| usakA varNana aba Age AvegA; paraMtu isa sevAke silasilese mere manameM tIvra vicAra utpanna hue| apane svabhAvake anusAra apane sAthiyoMse maiMne usakI carcA kii| mujhe jaMcA ki saMtAnotpatti aura saMtAna-pAlana loka-sevAke virodhaka haiN| isa 'balave'ke kAmameM zarIka honeke lie mujhe apanA johAnsabargavAlA ghara titara-bitara karanA pdd'aa| TImaTAmake sAtha sajAye gharako aura juTAI huI vividha sAmagrIko abhI eka mahInA bhI na huA hogA ki maiMne use chor3a diyaa| patnI aura baccoMko phIniksameM rakkhA aura maiM ghAyaloMkI zuzrUSA karanevAloMkI Tukar3I banAkara cala niklaa| ina kaThinAiyoMkA sAmanA karate hue maiMne dekhA ki yadi mujhe loka-sevAmeM hI lIna ho jAnA hai to phira putraiSaNA evaM dhanaiSaNAko bhI namaskAra kara lenA cAhie aura vAnaprastha-dharmakA pAlana karanA caahie| _ 'balave' meM mujhe Der3ha mahInese jyAdA na ThaharanA par3A; paraMtu ye chaH saptAha mere jIvanakA bahuta bezakImatI samaya thA / vratakA mahattva maiMne isa samaya sabase adhika smjhaa| maiMne dekhA ki vrata baMdhana nahIM, balki svataMtratA kA dvAra hai| Ajataka mere prayatnoMmeM Avazyaka saphalatA nahIM milatI thI; kyoMki mujhameM nizcayakA abhAva thaa| mujhe apanI zaktipara vizvAsa na thaa| mujhe IzvarakI kRpApara

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208 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 avizvAsa thaa| aura isalie merA mana aneka taraMgoMmeM aura aneka vikAroMke adhIna rahatA thaa| maiMne dekhA ki batabaMdhanase dUra rahakara manuSya mohameM par3atA hai| vratase apaneko bAMdhanA mAno vyabhicArase chUTakara eka patnIse saMbaMdha rakhanA hai| "merA to vizvAsa prayatnameM hai, vratake dvArA maiM baMdhanA nahIM cAhatA" yaha vacana nirbalatAsUcaka hai aura usameM chipe-chipe bhogakI icchA rahatI hai| jo cIja tyAjya hai, use sarvathA chor3a dene meM kauna-sI hAni ho sakatI hai ? jo sAMpa mujhe DasanevAlA hai usako maiM nizcaya-pUrvaka haTA hI detA hUM, haTAnekA kevala udyoga nahIM karatA; kyoMki maiM jAnatA hUM ki mahaja prayatnakA pariNAma honevAlA hai mRtyu / 'prayatna 'meM sAMpakI vikarAlatAke spaSTa jJAnakA abhAva hai| usI prakAra jisa cIjake tyAgakA hama prayatna-mAtra karate haiM usake tyAgakI AvazyakatA hameM spaSTa rUpase dikhAI nahIM dI hai, yahI siddha hotA hai / 'mere vicAra yadi bAdako badala jAyaM to?' aisI zaMkAse bahuta bAra hama vrata lete hue Darate haiM / isa vicArameM spaSTa darzanakA abhAva hai| isIlie niSkulAnaMdane kahA hai-- tyAga na Take re vairAga binA jahAM kisI cIjase pUrNa vairAgya ho gayA hai vahAM usake lie vrata lenA apane Apa anivArya ho jAtA hai / brahmacarya--2 khUba carcA aura dRr3ha vicAra karaneke bAda 1906meM maiMne bracArya-vrata dhAraNa kiyaa| vrata lene taka maiMne dharma-patnIse isa viSayameM salAha na lI thii| vratake samaya alabattA lii| usane usakA kucha virodha na kiyA / yaha vrata lenA mujhe bar3A kaThina mAlUma huA / merI zakti kama thii| mujhe ciMtA rahatI ki vikAroMko kyoMkara dabA sakU~gA? aura svapatnIke sAtha vikAroMse alipta rahanA eka ajIba bAta mAlUma hotI thii| phira bhI maiM dekha rahA thA ki vahI merA spaSTa karttavya hai| merI nIyata sApha thii| isalie yaha

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adhyAya 8 : brahmacarya--2 206 socakara ki Izvara zakti aura sahAyatA degA, maiM kUda par3A / __ Aja 20 sAlake bAda usa vratako smaraNa karate hue mujhe sAnaMdAzcarya hotA hai / saMyama-pAlana karanekA bhAva to mere manameM 1901se hI prabala thA aura usakA pAlana meM kara bhI rahA thA; paraMtu jo svataMtratA aura AnaMda maiM aba pAne lagA vaha mujhe nahIM yAda par3atA ki 1906ke pahale milA ho; kyoMki usa samaya maiM vAsanAbaddha thA--kabhI bhI usake adhIna ho jAnekA bhaya rahatA thA; kiMtu aba vAsanA mujhapara savArI karane meM asamartha ho gii| phira aba maiM brahmacaryakI mahimA aura adhikAdhika samajhane lgaa| yaha vrata maiMne phIniksameM liyA thaa| ghAyaloMkI zuzrUSAse chuTTI pAkara maiM phIniksa gayA thaa| vahAMse mujhe turaMta johAnsabarga jAnA thaa| vahAM jAneke eka hI mahIneke aMdara satyAgraha-saMgrAmakI nIMva pdd'ii| mAno yaha brahmacaryavrata usake lie mujhe taiyAra karane hI na AyA ho / satyAgrahakA khayAla maiMne pahalese hI banA rakkhA ho, so vAta nhiiN| usakI utpatti to anaayaas--anicchaase--huii| para maiMne dekhA ki usake pahale maiMne jo-jo kAma kiye the--jaise phIniksa jAnA, johAnsabargakA bhArI ghara-kharca kama kara DAlanA aura aMtako brahmacaryakA vrata lenA--ve mAno isakI peza-baMdI the| brahmacaryakA solaha Ane pAlanakA artha hai brhm-drshn| yaha jJAna mujhe zAstroM dvArA na huA thaa| yaha to mere sAmane dhIre-dhIre anubhava-siddha hotA gyaa| usase saMbaMdha rakhanevAle zAstra-vacana maiMne bAdako par3he brahmacaryameM zarIra-rakSaNa, buddhi-rakSaNa aura AtmAkA rakSaNa, saba kucha hai--yaha bAta maiM vratake bAda dinoMdina adhikAdhika anubhava karane lagA; kyoMki aba brahmacaryako eka ghora tapazcaryA rahane deneke badale rasamaya banAnA thA; usIke balapara kAma calAnA thaa| isalie aba usakI khUbiyoMke nita naye darzana mujhe hone lage / . . . para maiM jo isa taraha usase rasakI cUMTa pI rahA thA, usase koI yaha na samajhe ki maiM usakI kaThinatAko anubhava na kara rahA thaa| Aja yadyapi mere chappana sAla pUre ho gaye haiM, phira bhI usakI kaThinatAkA anubhava to hotA hI hai / yaha adhikAdhika samajhatA jAtA hUM ki yaha prasidhArA-vrata hai / aba bhI niraMtara jAgarUkatAkI AvazyakatA dekhatA huuN|

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210 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 brahmacaryakA pAlana karaneke lie pahale svAdeMdriyako vazameM karanA caahie| maiMne khuda anubhava karake dekhA hai ki yadi svAdako jIta leM to phira brahmacarya atyaMta sugama ho jAtA hai| isa kAraNa isake bAda mere bhojana prayoga kevala annAhArakI dRSTise nahIM, para brahmacaryakI dRSTise hone lge| prayoga dvArA maiMne anubhava kiyA ki bhojana kama, sAdA, binA mirca-masAlekA aura svAbhAvika rUpameM karanA caahie| maiMne khuda chaH sAla taka prayoga karake dekhA hai ki brahmacArIkA AhAra vana-pake phala hai| jina dinoM maiM hare yA sUkhe vana-pake phaloMpara hI rahatA thA, una dinoM jisa nirvikAratAkA anubhava hotA thA, vaha khurAkameM parivartana karaneke bAda na huaa| phalAhArake dinoMmeM brahmacarya sarala thA; dugdhAhArake kAraNa aba kaSTasAdhya ho gayA hai| phalAhAra chor3akara dugdhAhAra kyoM grahaNa karanA par3A, isakA jikra samaya aAnepara hogA hii| yahAM to itanA hI kahanA kAphI hai ki brahmacArIke lie dUdhakA AhAra vighnakAraka hai, isameM mujhe lezamAtra saMdeha nhiiN| isase koI yaha artha na nikAla le ki hara brahmacArIke lie dUdha chor3anA jarUrI hai| AhArakA asara brahmacaryapara kyA aura kitanA par3atA hai, isa saMbaMdhameM abhI aneka prayogoMkI AvazyakatA hai / dUdhake sadRza zarIrake raga-reze majabUta banAnevAlA aura utanI hI AsAnI se hajama ho jAnevAlA phalAhAra abataka mere hAtha nahIM lagA hai / na koI vaidya, hakIma yA DAkTara aise phala yA anna batalA sake haiN| isa kAraNa dudhako vikArotpAdaka jAnate hue bhI abhI maiM use chor3anekI siphAriza kisIse nahIM kara sktaa| bAharI upacAroMmeM jisa prakAra pAhArake prakArakI aura parimANakI maryAdA Avazyaka hai usI prakAra upavAsakI bAta bhI samajhanI caahie| iMdriyAM aisI balavAn haiM ki unheM cAroM orase, Upara-nIce dazoM dizAoMse, jaba gherA DAlA jAtA hai tabhI ve kabje meM rahatI haiN| saba loga isa bAtako jAnate haiM ki AhAra binA ve apanA kAma nahIM kara sktiiN| isalie isa bAtameM mujhe jarA bhI zaka nahIM hai ki iMdriya-damanake hetu icchApUrvaka kiye upavAsoMse iMdriya-damanameM bar3I sahAyatA milI hai| kitane hI loga upavAsa karate hue bhI saphala nahIM hote| isakA kAraNa yaha hai ki ve yaha mAna lete haiM ki kevala upavAsase hI saba kAma ho jAyagA aura bAharI upavAsa-mAtra karate haiM; para manameM chappana bhogoMkA dhyAna karate rahate haiM / upavAsake dinoMmeM ina vicAroMkA svAda cakkhA karate haiM ki upavAsa pUrA honepara

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adhyAya 8 : brahmacarya --2 211 kyA-kyA khAyeMge; aura phira zikAyata karate haiM ki na to svAdeMdriyakA saMyama ho pAyA aura na jananeMdriyakA / upavAsase vAstavika lAbha vahIM hotA hai, jahAM mana bhI deha-damanameM sAtha detA hai / isakA yaha artha huA ki manameM viSaya-bhogake prati vairAgya ho jAnA cAhie / viSaya-bhogakI jar3a to manameM hai / upavAsAdi sAdhanoM se milanevAlI sahAyatAeM bahuta hote hue bhI apekSAkRta thor3I hI hotI haiM / yaha kahA jA sakatA hai ki upavAsa karate hue bhI manuSya viSayAsakta rahatA hai; paraMtu upavAsake . vinA viSayAsaktikA samUla vinAza saMbhavanIya nahIM / isalie upavAsa brahmacarya - pAlanakA eka anivArya aMga hai / brahmacarya kA pAlana karanevAle bahutere viphala ho jAte haiM; kyoMki ve grAhAra-vihAra tathA dRSTi ityAdi meM - brahmacArIkI taraha rahanA cAhate hue bhI brahmacarya kA pAlana karanA cAhate haiM / yaha koziza garmI ke mausama meM saradIke mausimakA anubhava karane jaisI samajhanI cAhie / saMyamI aura svacchaMdIke, bhogI aura tyAgI jIvanameM bheda avazya honA cAhie / sAmya to sirpha Upara hI Upara rahatA hai / kiMtu bheda spaSTa rUpase dikhAI denA cAhie / prakhase donoM kAma lete haiM; paraMtu brahmacArI deva-darzana karatA hai, bhogI nATaka-sinemAmeM lIna rahatA hai / kAnakA upayoga donoM karate haiM; paraMtu eka Izvara-bhajana sunatA hai aura dUsarA vilAsamaya gItoMko sunane meM AnaMda mAnatA hai / jAgaraNa donoM karate haiM; paraMtu eka to jAgrata avasthAmeM apane hRdaya maMdirameM virAjita rAmakI ArAdhanA karatA hai, dUsarA nAca - raMgakI dhuna meM sonekI yAda bhUla jAtA hai| bhojana donoM karate haiM; paraMtu eka zarIra rUpI tIrtha kSetrakI rakSA- mAtra ke lie zarIrako kirAyA detA haiM aura dUsarA svAda ke lie dehameM aneka cIjoMko ThUMsakara usa durgaMdhita banAtA hai| isa prakAra donoMke AcAra-vicArameM bheda rahA hI karatA hai aura vaha aMtara dinadina bar3hatA hai, ghaTatA nahIM / brahmacaryA artha hai mana, vacana aura kAyAse samasta iMdriyoM kA saMyama / isa saMyamake lie pUrvokta tyAgoMkI AvazyakatA hai, yaha bAta mujhe dina-dina dikhAI dene lagI aura Aja bhI dikhAI detI hai| tyAgake kSetrakI koI sImA hI nahIM hai jaisI ki brahmacaryakI mahimAke nahIM hai / aisA brahmacarya alpaprayatnase sAdhya nahIM hotA / karor3oMke lie to yaha hamezA eka Adarza ke rUpameM hI rahegA; kyoMki

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212 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 prayatnazIla brahmacArI to nitya apanI truTiyoMkA darzana karegA, apane hRdayake kone-kucaremeM chipe vikAroMko pahacAna legA aura unheM nikAla bAhara karanekA satata udyoga kregaa| jabataka apane vicAroMpara itanA kabjA na ho jAya ki apanI icchAke binA eka bhI vicAra manameM na Ane pAve tabataka vaha saMpUrNa brahmacarya nhiiN| jitane bhI vicAra haiM, ve saba eka taraha vikAra haiN| unako vazameM karaneke mAnI haiM manako vazameM krnaa| aura manako vazameM karanA vAyuko vazameM karanese bhI kaThina hai| itanA hote hue bhI yadi AtmA hai to phira yaha bhI sAdhya hai hii| rAstemeM hameM bar3I kaThinAiyAM AtI haiM, isase yaha na mAna lenA cAhie ki vaha asAdhya hai| vaha to parama-artha hai / aura parama-arthake lie parama prayatnakI AvazyakatA ho to isameM kauna Azcarya kI bAta hai ? / paraMtu desa Anepara maiMne dekhA ki aisA brahmacarya mahaja prayatnasAdhya nahIM hai| kaha sakate haiM ki jabataka maiM isa mU meM thA ki phalAhArase vikAra samUla naSTa ho jAyaMge; aura isalie abhimAnase mAnatA thA ki aba mujhe kucha karanA bAkI nahIM rahA hai / paraMtu isa vicArake prakaraNa taka pahuMcanemeM abhI vilaMba hai| isa bIca itanA kaha denA Avazyaka hai ki Izvara-sAkSAtkAra karaneke lie maiMne jisa brahmacaryakI vyAkhyA kI hai usakA pAlana jo karanA cAhate haiM ve yadi apane prayatnake sAtha hI Izvarapara zraddhA rakhanevAle hoMge to unheM nirAza honekA koI kAraNa nahIM hai| viSayA vinivartante nirAhArasya dehinaH / rasavarja raso'pyasya paraM dRSTvA nivartate // ' nirAhArIke viSaya to zAMta ho jAte haiM; paraMtu rasoMkA zamana nahIM hotaa| Izvara-darzanase rasa bhI zAMta ho jAte hai| isalie AtmArthIkA aMtima sAdhana to rAma-nAma aura rAma-kRpA hI hai| isa bAtakA anubhava maiMne hiMdustAna Anepara hI kiyA / gItA, adhyAya 2, zloka 56 /

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adhyAya 6 : sAdagI 213 sAdagI bhoga bhoganekA AraMbha to maiMne kiyA; para yaha Tika na skaa| TImaTAmakI sAdhana-sAmagrI maiMne juTAI to; paraMtu usake mohameM maiM nahIM phaMsA thaa| isalie eka aura ghara-gRhasthI banAte hI maiMne dUsarI ora kharca kama karanekI zurUyAta kii| dhulAIkA kharca bhI jyAdA mAlUma huA / phira dhobI niyamita rUpase kapar3e na lAtA, isa kAraNa do-tIna darjana kamIja aura itane hI kAlarase bhI kAma na cltaa| kAlara roja badalA jAtA thA; kamIja roja nahIM to tIsare dina jarUra badalanI pdd'tii| isa taraha doharA kharca lagatA / yaha mujhe vyartha mAlUma huaa| isalie ghara para hI dhonekI cIjeM mNgaaii| dhulAI-vidyAkI pustaka par3hakara dhonA sIkha liyA aura patnIko bhI sikhA diyaa| isase kAmakA kucha bojha to bar3hA; para eka naI cIja thI, isalie manovinoda bhI hotA / pahale-pahala jo kAlara maiMne dhoyA use maiM kabhI na bhUla skuuNgaa| isameM kalapa jyAdA thA, aura istirI pUrI garama na thii| phira kAlarake jala jAneke bhayase istirI ThIka-ThIka dabAI nahIM gaI thii| isa kAraNa kAlara kar3A to ho gayA; para usameMse kalapa jhiratA rahatA thA / aisA hI kAlara lagAkara maiM adAlatameM gayA aura vahAM bairisTaroMke majAkakA sAdhana bana gayA; paraMtu aisI haMsI-dillagIko sahana karanekI kSamatA mujhameM usa samaya bhI kama na thii| ___ "kAlara hAthase dhonekA yaha pahalA prayoga hai, isalie usameMse kalapa jhira rahA hai; para merA isameM kucha harja nahIM hotaa| phira Apa saba logoMke itane vinodakA kAraNa huA yaha vizeSa bAta hai|" maiMne spaSTIkaraNa kiyaa| " para dhobI kyA nahIM milate ? " eka mitrane pUchA / " yahAM dhobIkA kharca mujhe nAgavAra ho rahA hai| kAlarakI kImatake barAbara dhulAIkA kharca---aura phira bhI dhobIkI gulAmI baradAzta karanI par3atI hai, so judI / isake banisbata to maiM gharapara hAthase dho lenA hI jyAdA pasaMda karatA

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 kiMtu yaha svAvalaMbanakI khUbI maiM mitroMko na samajhA sakA / mujhe kahanA cAhie ki aMtako maiMne apane kAmake lAyaka kapar3e dhonekI kuzalatA prApta karalI thI aura mujhe kahanA cAhie ki dhobIkI dhulAIse gharakI dhulAI kisI taraha ghaTiyA nahIM rahatI thii| kAlarakA kar3Apana aura camaka dhobIke dhoye kAlarase kisI taraha kama na thii| gokhaleke pAsa sva0 mahAdeva goviMda rAnaDekA prasAda-svarUpa eka dupaTTA. thaa| gokhale use bar3e jatanase rakhate aura prasaMga-vizeSapara hI use istemAla karate / johAnsabargameM unake svAgatake upalakSyameM jo bhoja huA thA, vaha avasara bar3e mahattvakA thaa| dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM yaha unakA sabase bar3A bhASaNa thaa| isalie isa avasarapara yaha dupaTTA DAlanA cAhate the| usameM silavaTeM par3a gaI thIM aura istirI karanekI jarUrata thii| dhobIke yahAM bhejakara turaMta istirI karA lenA saMbhava na thA / maiMne kahA--"jarA merI vidyAko bhI ajamA lIjie / " "tumhArI vakAlatapara meM vizvAsa kara sakatA hUM; para isa dupaTTepara tumhArI dhulAI-kalAkI AjamAiza na hone duuNgaa| tuma kahIM ise dAga do to? jAnate ho, isakA kitanA mUlya hai ?" yaha kahakara unhoMne ati ullAsase isa prasAdIkI kathA mujhe kaha sunaaii| maiMne AjijIke sAtha dAga na par3ane denekI jimmedArI lii| phalata: majhe istirI karane kI ijAjata mila gaI aura bAdako apanI kuzalatAkA pramANapatra bhI mujhe milaa| aba yadi duniyA mujhe pramANa-patra na de to isase kyA ? jisa taraha maiM dhobIkI gulAmIse chUTA, usI taraha nAIkI gulAmIse bhI chUTanekA avasara A gyaa| hAthase dAr3hI banAnA to vilAyata jAnevAle sabhI sIkha lete haiM; para mujhe khayAla nahIM ki bAla kATanA bhI koI sIkha lete hoN| priToriyAmeM eka bAra meM aMgreja nAIkI dUkAnapara gyaa| usane mere bAla kATanese sApha inkAra kara diyA aura aisA karate hue tiraskAra pradarzita kiyA so alg| mujhe bar3A hI duHkha huaa| maiM sIdhA bAjArameM phuNcaa| bAla kATanekI kaiMcI kharIdI aura Aine ke sAmane khar3e rahakara apane bAla kATa DAle / bAla jyoM-tyoM kaTe to; para pIcheke bAla kATanemeM bar3I dikkata peza aaii| phira bhI jaise cAhie na kaTa

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adhyAya 10 : boara yuddha pAyeM / yaha dekhakara adAlata meM khUba kahakahA macA / 215 " tumhAre sirapara chachUMdara to nahIM phira gaI ? maiMne kahA--"nahIM, mere kAle sirako gorA nAI kaise chU sakatA hai ? "" isa kAraNa jaise-taise hAtha kaTe bAla hI mujhe adhika priya haiM / ise uttarase mitroMko grAzcarya huA / saca pUchie to usa nAIkA kasUra na thA / yadi vaha zyAmavarNa logoMke bAla kATane lagatA to usakI rojI calI . jaatii| hama bhI to kahAM achUtoMke bAla ucca varNake nAiyoMse kaTavAne dete haiM ? isakA badalA mujhe dakSiNa aphrIkA meM eka bAra nahIM, bahuta bAra milA hai / aura merA yaha khayAla banA hai ki yaha hamAre hI doSakA phala hai / isalie isa bAtapara mujhe kabhI roSa nahIM huA / svAvalaMbana aura sAdagIke mere isa zaukane Age jAkara jo tIvra svarUpa grahaNa kiyA, usakA varNana to yathA prasaMga hogA; paraMtu usakA mUla purAnA thA / usake phalane-phUlane ke lie sirpha siMcAIkI grAvazyakatA thI aura vaha avasara anAyAsa hI mila gayA thA / 10 boara yuddha 1897 se 99 I0 taka ke jIvanake dUsare kaI anubhavoMko chor3akara ba bora yuddhapara AtA hUM / jaba yaha yuddha chir3A taba mere manobhAva bilakula boroMke pakSa meM the; para maiM yaha mAnatA thA ki aisI bAtoMmeM vyaktigata vicAroMke anusAra kAma karanekA adhikAra abhI mujhe prApta nahIM huA hai / isa saMbaMdha meM jo maMthana mere hRdaya meM huA, usakA sUkSma nirIkSaNa maiMne 'dakSiNa kA satyAgrahakA itihAsa' meM kiyA hai; isalie yahAM likhane kI yA nahIM | first jAnanekI icchA ho ve usa pustakako par3ha leM / ' yahAM to itanA hI kahanA kAphI hai ki briTiza rAjya ke prati merI vaphAdArI mujhe usa yuddhameM yoga deneke lie jabaradastI bR yaha pustaka 'sastA sAhitya maNDala' se prakAzita huI hai PAU

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 ghasITa le gii| maiMne socA ki jaba maiM briTiza prajAkI haisiyatase hakoMkA matAlabA kara rahA hUM to briTiza prajAkI haisiyatase briTiza rAjyakI rakSAmeM sahAyaka honA merA dharma hai| briTiza sAmrAjyameM hiMdustAnakI saba taraha unnati ho sakatI hai, yaha usa samaya merA mata thaa| isalie jitane sAthI mile unako lekara, aneka musIbatoMkA sAmanA karake, hamane ghAyaloMkI sevA-zuzrUSA karanevAlI eka Tukar3I taiyAra kii| abataka aMgrejoMkI grAma taurapara yaha dhAraNA thI ki yahAMke hiMdustAnI jokhimake kAmoMmeM nahIM par3ate, svArthake alAvA unheM aura kucha nahIM suujhtaa| isalie kitane hI aMgreja mitroMne mujhe nirAzAjanaka uttara diye / alabattA DA0 bUthane khUba protsAhana diyaa| unhoMne hameM ghAyala yoddhAoMkI zuzrUSA karanekI tAlIma dii| apanI yogyatAke saMbaMdhameM maiMne DAkTarake pramANa-patra prApta kara liye| mi0 lATana tathA svargIya mi0 aiskaMbane bhI isa kAmako pasaMda kiyaa| aMtako hamane sarakArase prArthanA kI ki hameM lar3AImeM sevA karanekA avasara diyA jAya / javAbameM sarakArane hameM dhanyavAda diyA; kiMtu kahA ki ApakI sevAkI isa samaya AvazyakatA nahIM hai / paraMtu maiM aise inkArase khAmoza hokara baiTha na gayA / DA0 bUthakI madada lekara unake sAtha maiM neTAlake bizapase milaa| hamArI Tukar3ImeM bahutere IsAI hiMdustAnI the| bizapako hamArI yojanA bahuta pasaMda AI aura unhoMne sahAyatA denekA vacana diyA / __ isa bIca ghaTanA-cakra apanA kAma kara rahA thaa| boaroMkI taiyArI, dRr3hatA, vIratA ityAdi aMdAjase adhika tejasvI sAbita huI, jisake phalasvarUpa sarakArako bahutere raMgarUToMkI jarUrata huI, aura aMtako hamArI prArthanA svIkRta ho gii| . isa Tukar3ImeM lagabhaga gyAraha sau loga the| unameM lagabhaga cAlIsa mukhiyA the| koI tIna sau svataMtra hiMdustAnI bharatI hue the, aura zeSa giramiTiyA the| DA0 bUtha bhI hamAre sAtha the / Tukar3Ine apanA kAma acchI taraha kiyaa| yadyapi usakA kAryakSetra lar3AIke maidAnake bAhara thA aura reDakrAsa' cihna unakI rakSAke / reDakrAsakA artha hai lAla svastika / yuddha meM isa cihnase aMkita paTTe zuzrUSA karanevAloMke bAyeM hAthameM baMdhe rahate haiM aura aise niyama haiM

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adhyAya 10 : boara yuddha 217 lie lagA huA thA, phira bhI grAvazyakatAke samaya pratyakSa yuddha kSetrakI hadake aMdara bhI kAma karanekA avasara hameM milA / aisI jokhimameM na par3anekA ikarAra sarakArane apanI icchAse hamAre sAtha kiyA thA; paraMtu spiyAMkopakI hArake bAda sthiti badalI / isa kAraNa janarala bularane saMdeza bhejA ki yadyapi Apa jokhimakI jagaha kAma karane ke lie baMdhe hue nahIM haiM, phira bhI yadi Apa khatarekA sAmanA karake ghAyala sipAhiyoM ko athavA aphasaroMko raNakSetra se uThAkara DoliyoMmeM le jAneka lie taiyAra ho jAyaMge to sarakAra ApakA upakAra maanegii| idhara hama to jokhima "uThAne ke lie taiyAra hI the / prataeva spiyAMkopake yuddhake bAda hama golI-bArUda kI hadake aMdara bhI kAma karane lage / ina dinoMmeM sabako kaI bAra bIsa-pacIsa mIlakI maMjila taya karanI par3atI thI / eka bAra to ghAyaloMko DolImeM rakhakara itanI dUra calanA bhI par3A thA / jina ghAyala yoddhAoM ko hama uThAkara le gaye unameM janarala vuDageTa ityAdi bhI the / cha: saptAha ke aMta meM hamArI Tukar3Iko rukhasata dI gii| sthiyAMkopa aura bAlakAMjI hArake bAda leDI smitha prAdi-prAdi sthAnoMko boaroMke gherese tejI ke sAtha mukta karanekA vicAra briTiza senApatine tyAga diyA aura iMglaiMDa tathA hiMdustAna aura senA zranekI rAha dekhane tathA dhIre-dhIre kAma karanekA nizcaya kiyA thA / hamArI usa choTI-sI sevAkI usa samaya bahuta stuti huI / usase hiMdustAniyoMkI pratiSThA bar3hI / 'Akhira hiMdustAnI haiM to sAmrAjya ke vArisa hI ' aise gIta gAye gaye / janarala bularane apane kharItemeM hamArI Tukar3I ke kAryakI prazaMsA kii| mukhiyoMko lar3AIke tamage bhI mile / isake phalasvarUpa hiMdustAnI adhika saMgaThita hue / maiM giramiTiyA hiMdustAniyoM ke adhika samparka meM yA sakA / unameM adhika jAgrati huI aura yaha bhAvanA adhika dRr3ha huI ki hiMdU, musalamAna, IsAI, madarAsI, pArasI, gujarAtI, ki zatru bhI unako nukasAna nahIM pahuMcA sakate / adhika taphasIlake lie dekhie 'da0 a0 ke satyAgrahakA itihAsa', khaNDa 1, adhyAya 6 /

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218 Atma-kathA: bhAga 3 siMdhI, saba hiMdustAnI haiN| sabane mAnA ki aba hiMdustAniyoMke duHkha avazya dUra ho jaayNge| goroMke bartAvameM bhI usake bAda sApha-sApha pharka najara Ane lgaa| ___ lar3AImeM goroMse jo saMbaMdha baMdhA, vaha mIThA thaa| hajAroM 'TAmiyoM ke sahavAsameM hama loga Aye / ve hamAre sAtha mitra-bhAvase vyavahAra karate aura isa khayAlase ki hama unakI sevAke lie haiM, hamAre upakAra mAnate / ___manuSya-svabhAva duHkhake samaya kaisA pasIja jAtA hai, isakI eka madhurasmRti yahAM diye binA nahIM raha sktaa| hama loga cIvalI chAvanI kI ora jA rahe the| yaha vahI kSetra thA, jahAM lArDa rAbarTsake putra lephTaneMTa rAbarTsako mAtaka golI lagI thii| lephTaneMTa rAbarTasake zavako le jAnekA gaurava hamArI Tukar3Iko prApta huA thaa| lauTate vakta dhUpa kar3I thii| hama kUca kara rahe the| saba pyAse the| pAnI pIneke lie rAstemeM eka choTA-sA jharanA pdd'aa| savAla uThA, pahale kauna pAnI piiye| maiMne socA thA ki 'TAmiyoM ke pI leneke bAda hama piyeNge| 'TAmiyoM ne hameM dekhakara turaMta kahA--'pahale Apa loga pI leN|' hamane kahA- 'nahIM, pahale Apa piiyeN|' isa taraha bahuta derataka hamAre aura unake bIca madhura aAgrahakI khIMcAtAnI hotI rahI / 11 nagara-sudhAra : akAla-phaNDa samAjake eka bhI aMgakA kharAba bane rahanA mujhe hamezA akharatA rahatA hai| logoMkI burAiyoMko Dhakakara unakA bacAva karanA athavA unheM dUra kiye binA adhikAra prApta karanA mujhe hamezA arucikara huA hai| dakSiNa aphrIkAsthita hiMdustAniyoMpara eka AkSepa huA karatA thaa| vaha yaha ki hiMdustAnI apane ghara-bAra sApha-suthare nahIM rakhate aura bahuta maile rahate haiN| bAra-bAra yaha bAta kahI jAtI thii| usameM kucha sacAI bhI thii| mere vahAM honeke AraMbha-kAla hI meM maiMne use dUra karanekA vicAra kiyA thaa| isa ilajAmako miTAne ke lie zurUpAtameM samAjake labdhapratiSTha logoMke gharoMmeM saphAI to zurU ho gaI thI; paraMtu

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adhyAya 11 : nagara-sudhAra : akAla-phaMDa 216 ghara-ghara jAkara pracAra karanekA kAma to tabhI zurU ho pAyA, jaba Darabanama plegake praveza aura prakopakA bhaya utpanna huaa| isameM myUnisipailiTIke adhikAriyoMkA bhAga thA aura unakI sammati bhI thii| hamArI madadase unakA kAma AsAna ho gayA aura hiMdustAniyoMko kama kaSTa aura asuvidhA huI; kyoMki plega ityAdikA prakopa jaba kabhI hotA hai taba Ama taurapara adhikArI loga adhIra ho jAte haiM aura usakA upAya karanemeM sImAke Age bar3ha jAte haiM, evaM jo loga unakI najaroMmeM apriya hote haiM, unapara itanA dabAva DAlA jAtA hai ki vaha asahya ho jAtA hai| cUMki logoMne khuda hI kAphI ilAja karanekA Ayojana kara liyA thA, isalie ve isa sakhtI aura jyAdatIse baca gaye / isa saMbaMdhameM mujhe kitane hI kaDue anubhava bhI hue| maiMne dekhA ki sthAnIya sarakArase apane hakoMkA matAlabA karane meM apane logoMse meM jitanI sahAyatA le sakatA thA, utanI AsAnIse maiM unase svayaM apane kartavyoMkA pAlana karane meM na le skaa| kitanI hI jagaha apamAna hotA, kitanI jagaha vinayapUrvaka lAparavAhI batAI jaatii| gaMdagI dUra karanekA kaSTa uThAnA eka Aphata mAlUma hotI thI aura isake lie paisA kharca karanA to aura bhI muzkila par3atA thaa| isase maiMne yaha pATha aura adhika acchI taraha sIkhA ki yadi logoMse kucha bhI kAma karAnA ho to hameM dhIraja rakhanA caahie| sudhArakI garaja to hotI hai khuda sudhArakako, jisa samAjameM vaha sudhAra cAhatA hai, usase to use virodhakI, tiraskArakI aura jAnakI bhI jokhimakI hI AzA rakhanI caahie| sudhAraka jisa bAtako sudhAra samajhatA hai, samAja use 'kuMdhAra' kyoM na mAne ? aura yadi sudhAra na bhI mAne to usakI taraphase udAsIna kyoM na rahe ? . isa AMdolanakA pariNAma yaha huA ki bhAratIya samAjameM gharabAra svaccha rakhane kI AvazyakatA thor3I-bahuta mAtrAmeM mAna lI gaI / rAjyAdhikAriyoMke najadIka merI sAkha bddh'ii| ve samajhe ki maiM mahaja zikAyateM karanevAlA athavA haka mAMganevAlA hI nahIM hUM; balki ina bAtoMmeM maiM jitanA dRr3ha hUM utanA hI utsAhI AMtarika sudhAroMke lie bhI huuN| paraMtu samAjakI manovRttikA vikAsa abhI eka aura dizAmeM honA bAkI thaa| yahAMke bhAratIyoMko abhI prasaMgopAtta bhAratavarSake prati apane dharmako samajhanA

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220 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 aura usakA pAlana karanA bAkI thaa| bhAratavarSa to kaMgAla hai / loga dhana kamAne ke lie videza jAte haiN| maiMne socA, unakI kamAIkA kucha na kucha aMza bhAratavarSako prApatti ke samaya milanA cAhie / bhAratameM 1897I0 meM to akAla par3A hI thA / 1899meM eka aura bhArI akAla huaa| donoM akAlake samaya dakSiNa aphrIkA se khAsI madada gaI thI / pahale akAlake samaya jitanI rakama ekatra ho sakI thI usase bahuta jyAdA rakama dUsare akAlake samaya gaI thii| isameM hamane aMgrejoMse bhI caMdA mAMgA thA aura unakI taraphase acchI sahAyatA milI thI / giramiTiyA hiMdustAniyoMne bhI apanI taraphase caMdA diyA thA / isa taraha ina donoM akAla ke samaya jo prathA par3I vaha abhItaka kAyama hai aura hama dekhate haiM ki bhAratavarSa meM sArvajanika saMkaTake samaya dakSiNa aphrIkA ke hiMdustAnI acchI rakama bhejA karate haiM / isa taraha dakSiNa aphrIkA ke bhAratIyoMkI sevA karate hue maiM khuda bahuterI bAteM eka ke bAda eka anAyAsa sIkha rahA thA / satya eka vizAla vRkSa hai / usakI jyoM-jyoM sevA kI jAtI hai tyoM-tyoM usameM aneka phala prAte hue dikhAI dete haiM / unakA aMta hI nahIM hotA / jyoM-jyoM hama gahare paiThate haiM tyoM-tyoM usameMse ratna nikalate haiM; sevAke avasara hAtha Ate hI rahate haiM / 12 deza-gamana lar3AI kAmase mukta honeke bAda maiMne socA ki grava merA kAma dakSiNa aphrIkA meM nahIM, balki desameM hai / dakSiNa aphrIkA meM baiThe-baiThe meM kucha-na-kucha sevA to jarUra kara pAtA thA, paraMtu maiMne dekhA ki yahAM kahIM merA mukhya kAma dhana kamAnA hI na ho jAya / desa se mitra loga bhI desa lauTa Aneke liye AkarSita kara rahe the / mujhe bhI jaMcA ki desa jAnese merA adhika upayoga ho sakegA / neTAlameM mi0 khAna aura manasukhalAla nAjara the hI / maiMne sAthiyoMse chuTTI denekA anurodha kiyaa| bar3I muzkilase unhoMne

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adhyAya 12 : deza-gamana 221 eka zartapara chuTTI svIkAra kI / vaha yaha ki eka sAlake aMdara logoMko merI jarUrata mAlUma ho to maiM phira dakSiNa aphrIkA praajaauuNgaa| mAlUma huI, paraMtu maiM to prema-pAzameM baMdhA huA thA / mujhe yaha zarta kaThina kAce re tAMtaNe mane harajIe bAMdhI jema tANe tema temanI re mane lAgI kaTArI premanI / ' mIrAbAIkI yaha upamA nyUnAdhika aMzameM mujhapara ghaTita hotI thI / paMca bhI paramezvara hI haiN| mitroMkI bAtako TAla nahIM sakatA thA / maiMne vacana diyA / ijAjata milI | isa samaya merA nikaTa saMbaMdha prAyaH neTAlake hI sAtha thA / neTAlake hiMdustAniyoMne mujhe premAmRta se nahalA DAlA / sthAna-sthAnapara abhinaMdanapatra diye gaye aura hara jagahase kImatI cIjeM najara kI gaIM / 1896 meM jaba maiM desa AyA thA, taba bhI bheMTeM milI thIM; para isa bArakI bheMToM aura sabhAoMoMke dRzyoMse maiM ghabarAyA / bheMTameM sone-cAMdIkI cIjeM to thIM hI ; para hIrekI cIjeM bhI thIM / ina saba cIjoMko svIkAra karanekA mujhe kyA adhikAra ho sakatA hai ? yadi maiM inheM maMjUra kara lUM to phira apane manako yaha kahakara kaise manA sakatA hUM ki maiM paisA lekara logoM kI sevA nahIM karatA thA ? mere mavakkiloMkI kucha rakamoMko chor3akara bAkI saba cIjeM merI loka-sevAke hI upalakSyameM dI gaI thIM / para mere manameM to mavakkila aura dUsare sAthiyoMmeM kucha bheda na thA / mukhya-mukhya mavakkila sArvajanika kAmameM bhI sahAyatA dete the / phira una bheMToMmeM eka pacAsa ginIkA hAra kastUravAIke lie thA / magara use jo cIja milI vaha bhI thI to merI hI sevAke upalakSya meM; ataevaM use pRthak nahIM mAna sakate the / jisa zAmako inameM se mukhya-mukhya bheMTeM milIM, vaha rAta maiMne eka pAgalakI "prabhujIne mujhe kacce sUtake prema-dhAge se bAMdha liyA hai / jyoM-jyoM vaha use tAnate haiM tyoM-tyoM maiM unakI hotI jAtI hUM /

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222 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 taraha jAgakara kaattii| kamaremeM yahAMse vahAM TahalatA rahA / paraMtu gutthI kisI taraha sulajhatI na thii| saikar3oM rupayoMkI bheMTeM na lenA bhArI par3a rahA thA; para le lenA usase bhI bhArI mAlUma hotA thA / maiM cAhe ina bheMToMko pacA bhI sakatA; para mere bAlaka aura patnI ? unheM tAlIma to sevAkI mila rahI thii| sevAkA dAma nahIM liyA jA sakatA thA, yaha hamezA samajhAyA jAtA thaa| gharameM kImatI jevara Adi maiM nahIM rakhatA thaa| sAdagI bar3hatI jAtI thii| aisI avasthAmeM sonekI ghar3iyAM kauna rakkhegA ? sonekI kaMThI aura hIrekI aMgUThiyAM kauna pahanegA ? gahanoMkA moha chor3aneke lie maiM usa samaya bhI auroMse kahatA rahatA thaa| aba ina gahanoM aura javAharAtako lekara maiM kyA karUMgA ? ____ maiM isa nirNaya para pahuMcA ki ve cIjeM maiM haragija nahIM rakha sktaa| pArasI hastamajI ityAdi ko ina gahanoMke TrasTI banAkara unake nAma eka ciTThI taiyAra kI aura subaha strI-putrAdise salAha karake apanA bojha halakA karanekA nizcaya kiyaa| maiM jAnatA thA ki dharmapatnIko samajhAnA muzkila pdd'egaa| mujhe vizvAsa thA ki bAlakoMko samajhAnemeM jarA bhI dikkata peza na AvegI, ataeva unheM vakIla banAne kA vicAra kiyA / vacce to turaMta samajha gye| ve bole, "hameM ina gahanoMse kucha matalaba nahIM; ye saba cIjeM hameM lauTA denI cAhie aura yadi jarUrata hogI to kyA hama khuda nahIM banA sakeMge ?" maiM prasanna huaa| "to tuma bA ko samajhAyoge na ? ' maiMne pUchA / "jruur-jruur| vaha kahAM ina gahanoMko pahanane calI hai ? vaha rakhanA cAhegI bhI to hamAre hI lie na? para jaba hameM hI inakI jarUrata nahIM hai taba phira vaha kyoM jida karane lagI ?" . paraMtu kAma aMdAjase jyAdA muzkila sAbita huA / "tumheM cAhe jarUrata na ho aura lar3akoMko bhI na ho| baccoMkA kyA ? jaisA samajhAdeM samajha jAte haiN| mujhe na pahanane do; para merI bahuoMko to jarUrata hogI? aura kauna kaha sakatA hai ki kala kyA hogA? jo cIjeM logoMne itane

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adhyAya 12 : deza-gamana 223 premase dI hai unheM vApasa lauTAnA ThIka nhiiN|" isa prakAra vAgdhArA zurU huI aura usake sAtha azrudhArA pA milii| lar3ake dRr3ha rahe aura maiM bhalA kyoM Digane lagA ? ___ maiMne dhIrese kahA--"pahale lar3akoMkI zAdI to ho lene do| hama bacapana meM to inake vivAha karanA cAhate hI nahIM haiN| bar3e honepara jo inakA jI cAhe so kreN| phira hameM kyA gahanoM-kapar3oMkI zaukIna bahueM khojanI haiM ? phira bhI agara kucha banavAnA hI hogA to maiM kahAM calA gayA hUM?" "hAM, jAnatI hUM tumko| vahI na ho, jinhoMne mere bhI gahane utaravA liye haiN| jaba mujhe hI nahIM pahanane dete ho to merI bahuaoMko jarUra lA doge ! lar3akoMko to abhIse bairAgI banA rahe ho| ina gahanoMko maiM vApasa nahIM dene duuNgii| aura phira mere hArapara tumhArA kyA haka ? " para yaha hAra tumhArI sevAkI khAtira milA hai yA merI ? " maiMne puuchaa| "jaisA bhI ho| tumhArI sevAmeM kyA merI sevA nahIM hai ? mujhase jo rAta-dina majUrI karAte ho, kyA vaha sevA nahIM hai ? mujhe rulA-rulAkara jo airegairoMko gharameM rakhA aura mujhase sevA-Tahala karAI, vaha kucha bhI nahIM ?" ye saba bANa tIkhe the| kitane hI to mujhe cubha rahe the| para gahane vApasa lauTAne kA maiM nizcaya hI kara cukA thaa| aMtako bahuterI bAtoMmeM maiM jaise-taise sammati prApta kara skaa| 1896 aura 1901meM milI bheTeM lauTAI / unakA TrasTa banAyA gayA aura loka-sevAke lie usakA upayoga merI athavA TrasTiyoMkI icchAke anusAra honekI zartapara vaha rakama baiMkameM rakkhI gii| ina cIjoMko becaneke nimittase maiM bahuta bAra rupayA ekatra kara sakA huuN| Apatti-koSake rUpameM vaha rakama Aja maujUda hai aura usameM vRddhi hotI jAtI hai| . isa bAtake lie mujhe kabhI pazcAttApa nahIM huaa| Age calakara kastUra bAIko bhI usakA aura aucitya jaMcane lgaa| isa taraha hama apane jIvanameM bahutere lAlacoMse baca gaye haiN| merA yaha nizcita mata ho gayA hai ki loka-sevakako jo bheTeM milatI haiM, ve usakI nijI cIja kadApi nahIM ho sakatIM /

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224 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 13 desa meM isa taraha meM desake lie bidA huA / rAstemeM maoNrIzasa par3atA thA / vahAM jahAja bahuta derataka tthhraa| maiM utarA aura vahAMkI sthitikA ThIka anubhava prApta kara liyaa| eka rAta vahAMke gavarnara sara cArlsa brusake yahAM bhI bitAI thI / hiMdustAna pahuMcane para kucha samaya idhara-udhara ghUmanemeM vyatIta kiyA / yaha 1901kI bAta hai / isa sAla rASTrIya mahAsabhA - kAMgresakA adhivezana kalakattA thaa| dInazA edalajI vAcchA sabhApati the / maiM kAMgresameM jAnA to cAhatA hI thA / kAMgresakA mujhe yaha pahalA anubhava thA / baMbaI se jisa gAr3I meM sara phirojazAha cale, usImeM maiM bhI ravAnA huA / unase mujhe dakSiNa aphrIkA viSayameM bAteM karanI thIM / unake DibbemeM eka sTezanataka jAnekI mujhe AjJA milI / vaha khAsa sailUnameM the / unake zAhI vaibhava aura kharca - varcase maiM vAkipha thA / nizcita sTezanapara maiM unake DibbemeM gayA / usa samaya unake DibbemeM sara dInazA aura zrI ( aba 'sara' ) cimanalAla setalavAr3a baiThe the / unake sAtha rAjanItikI bAteM ho rahI thiiN| mujhe dekha kara sara phirojazAha bole -- "gAMdhI, tumhArA kAma pUrA par3anekA nahIM / prastAva to hama jaisA tuma kahoge pAsa kara deMge; para pahale yahI dekho na, ki hamAre hI desameM kauna se haka mila gaye haiM? maiM mAnatA hUM ki jabataka apane desameM hameM sattA nahIM milI hai tabataka upanivezoMmeM hamArI hAlata acchI nahIM ho sakatI / "} maiM to sunakara staMbhita ho gayA / sara cimanalAlane bhI unhIMkI hAMmeM hAM milAI / paraMtu sara dInazAne merI aura dayA bharI dRSTise dekhA / maiMne unheM samajhAnekA prayatna kiyA / paraMtu baMbaIke binA tAjake bAdazAhako bhalA mujha jaisA AdamI kyA samajhA sakatA thA ? maiMne isI bAtapara saMtoSa mAnA ki calo, kAMgresa meM prastAva to peza ho jAyagA / " prastAva banAkara mujhe dikhAnA bhalA, gAMdhI !" sara dInazA mujhe utsAhita karane ke lie bole /

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adhyAya 13 : desameM 225 maiMne unheM dhanyavAda diyaa| dUsare sTezanapara gAr3I khar3I hote hI maiM vahAMse khisakA aura apane Dibbe meM Akara baiTha gayA / ___ kalakattA phuNcaa| nagaravAsI adhyakSa ityAdi netAoMko dhUma-dhAmase sthAnapara le gye| maiMne eka svayaMsevakase pUchA-- " ThaharanekA prabaMdha kahAM hai ? " vaha mujhe ripana kAleja le myaa| vahAM bahutere pratinidhi Thahare hue the| saubhAgyase jisa vibhAgameM maiM ThaharA thA, vahIM lokamAnya bhI ThaharAye gaye the / mujhe aisA smaraNa hai ki vaha eka dina bAda Aye the| jahAM lokamAnya hote vahAM eka choTAsA darabAra lagA hI rahatA thaa| yadi maiM citerA hoUM to jisa cArapAIpara vaha baiThate the usakA citra khIMcakara dikhA dU-usa sthAnakA aura unakI baiThakakA itanA spaSTa smaraNa mujhe hai ! unase milane AnevAle asaMkhya logoMmeM ekakA hI nAma mujhe yAda hai-- 'amRtabAjAra patrikA ke sva0 motIbAvU / ina donoMkA kahakahA lagAnA aura rAjakartAoMke anyAya-saMbaMdhI unakI bAteM kabhI bhulAI nahIM jA sktii| para jarA yahAMke prabaMdhakI aora dRSTipAta kareM / svayaMsevaka eka-dUsarese lar3a par3ate the| jo kAma jise sauMpA jAtA vaha use nahIM karatA thA; vaha turaMta dUsareko bulAtA aura dUsarA tiisreko| becArA pratinidhi na idharakA rahatA na udharakA / maiMne kucha svayaMsevakase mela-mulAkAta kii| dakSiNa aphrIkAkI kucha bAteM unase kii| isase ve kucha zaramAye / maiMne unheM sevAkA marma samajhAnekI koziza kii| ve kucha-kucha smjhe| paraMtu sevAkA prema kukuramuttekI taraha jahAMtahAM uga nahIM nikltaa| usake lie eka to icchA honI cAhie aura phira abhyAsa / ina bhole aura bhale svayaMsevakoM meM icchA to bahuta thI; para tAlIma aura abhyAsa kahAMse ho sakatA thA ? kAMgresa sAlameM tIna dina hotI aura phira so rhtii| hara sAlaM tIna dinakI tAlImase kitanI bAteM sIkhI jA sakatI haiM ? jo svayaMsevakoMkA hAla thA, vahI prtinidhiyoNkaa| unheM bhI tIna hI dina tAlIma milatI thii| ve apane hAthoM kucha bhI nahIM karate the; hara bAtameM hukmase kAma lete the| 'svayaMsevaka, yaha lAmo' aura 'vaha lAo' yahI hukma chUTA karate /

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226 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 chuAchUtakA vicAra bhI bahutoMmeM thA / drAvir3I rasoIghara bilakula judA thA / ina pratinidhiyoMko to dRSTi-doSabhI baradAzta na hotA thA / unake lie kaMpAuMDa meM eka judI pAkazAlA banAI gaI thI / usameM dhumrAM itanA thA ki zrAdamIkA dama ghuTa jAya / khAna-pAna saba usImeM hotA / rasoIghara kyA thA, mAno eka saMdUka thA, saba taraphase baMda ! mujhe yaha varNa-dharma prakharA / mahAsabhA meM grAnevAle pratinidhiyoMko jaba itanI chUta lagatI hai to jo loga inheM apanA pratinidhi banAkara bhejate haiM. unheM kitanI chUta lagatI hogI, isakI trairAzika lagAnepara mere muMhase sahasA nikala par3A -- " zropha ! 77 gaMdagI kI sImA nahIM / cAroM ora pAnI hI pAnI ho rahA thA / pAkhAne kama the / unakI badabUkI yAdase Aja bhI roMgaTe khar3e ho jAte haiM / maiMne eka svayaMsevaka kA dhyAna usakI ora khiiNcaa| usane bedhar3aka hokara kahA -- " yaha to bhaMgIkA kAma hai / " maiMne jhAr3U maMgAI / vaha merA muMha tAkatA rahA / Akhira hI jhADU khoja lAyA / pAkhAnA sApha kiyA / para yaha to huA apanI suvidhA ke lie / loga itane jyAdA the aura pAkhAne itane kama the ki kaI bAra unake sApha honekI jarUrata thI / para yaha mere kAbUke bAhara thA / isalie mujhe sirpha apanI suvidhA karake saMtoSa mAnanA pdd'aa| maiMne dekhA ki auauroMko yaha gaMdagI khalatI na thI / para yahIM taka basa nahIM hai / rAtake samaya to koI kamareke barAmade meM hI pAkhAne baiTha jAtA thA / subaha maiMne svayaMsevakako vaha mailA dikhAyA / para koI sApha karaneke lie taiyAra na thA / yaha gaurava prAkhira mujhe hI prApta huA / Ajakala ina bAtoM meM yadyapi thor3A-bahuta sudhAra huA hai, tathApi avicArI pratinidhi ava bhI kAMgresake kaiMpako jahAM-tahAM mala tyAga karake bigAr3a dete haiN| aura saba svayaMsevaka use sApha karaneko taiyAra nahIM hote / maiMne dekhA ki yadi aisI gaMdagI meM kAMgresakI baiThaka adhika dinoMtaka jArI rahe to avazya bImAriyAM phaila nikaleM /

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adhyAya 14 : kArakuna aura 'berA' 227 14 kArakuna aura 'berA kAMgresake adhivezanako eka-do dinakI dera thii| maiMne nizcaya kiyA thA ki kAMgresake daphtara meM yadi merI sevA svIkAra ho to kucha sevA karake anubhava prApta karUM / . jisa dina hama Aye usI dina nahA-dhokara kAMgresake daphtarameM gyaa| zrI bhUpeMdranAtha basu aura zrI ghoSAla maMtrI the| bhUpena bAbUke pAsa pahuMcakara koI kAma maaNgaa| unhoMne merI ora dekhakara kahA-- ___ "mere pAsa to koI kAma nahIM hai--para zAyada mi0 ghoSAla tumako kucha btaayeNge| unase milo|" __maiM ghoSAla bAbUke pAsa gyaa| unhoMne mujhe nIcese Uparataka dekhaa| kucha muskarAye aura bole-- "mere pAsa kArakunakA kAma hai---karoge ?" ___ maiMne uttara diyA--" jarUra kruuNgaa| apane basa-bhara saba kucha karaneke lie maiM Apake pAsa AyA huuN|" " navayuvaka, saccA sevA-bhAva isIko kahate haiN|" kucha svayaMsevaka unake pAsa khar3e the| unakI ora mukhAtiba hokara kahA" dekhate ho, isa navayuvakane kyA kahA ?" phira merI ora dekhakara kahA--" to lo, yaha ciTThiyoMkA Dhera; aura yaha mere sAmane par3I hai kurasI, use le lo| dekhate ho na, saikar3oM AdamI mujhase milane AyA karate haiN| aba maiM unase milUM yA ye loga phAlatU ciTThiyAM likhA karate haiM inheM uttara dU? mere pAsa aise kArakuna nahIM ki jisase maiM yaha kAma karA sakU / ina ciTThiyoMmeM bahuterI to phijUla hoMgI / para tuma sabako par3ha aMgrejI 'bearara' zabdakA apabhraMza; khidamatagAra / kalakattAse gharake naukarako 'berA' kahanekA rivAja par3a gayA hai|

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228 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 jAnA / jinakI pahuMca likhanA jarUrI ho unakI pahuMca likha denA aura jinake uttarake lie mujhase pUchanA ho pUcha lenA / ,, unake isa vizvAsase mujhe bar3I khuzI huI / zrI ghoSAla mujhe pahacAnate na the / nAma- ThAma to merA unhoMne bAdako jAnA | ciTThiyoMke javAba AdikA kAma prAsAna thA / sAre Dherako maiMne turaMta nipaTA diyA / ghoSAla bAbU khuza hue| unheM bAta karanekI Adata bahuta thI / maiM dekhatA thA ki vaha bAtoMmeM bahuta samaya lagAyA karate the / merA itihAsa jAnaneke. bAda to kArakunakA kAma dene se unheM jarA zarma mAlUma huI kara diyA / / para maiMne unheM nizcita " " kahAM maiM aura kahAM Apa ! Apa kAMgresake purAne sevaka, mere najadIka to Apa bujurga haiN| maiM ThaharA anubhavahIna navayuvaka, yaha kAma sauMpakara mujhapara to Apane ahasAna hI kiyA hai; kyoMki mujhe prAge calakara kAMgresameM kAma karanA hU~ / usake kAma-kAjako samajhanekA alabhya avasara Apane mujhe diyA hai / 'saca pUcho to yahI saccI manovRtti hai / paraMtu Ajakalake navayuvaka aisA nahIM mAnate / para maiM to kAMgresako usake janmase jAnatA hUM / usakI sthApanA karane meM mi0 make sAtha merA bhI hAtha thA / " ghoSAla bAbU bole / [[ 1 hama donoMmeM khAsA saMbaMdha ho gyaa| dopaharake khAne ke samaya vaha mujhe sAtha rakhate / ghoSAla bAbUke baTana bhI 'bairA' lagAtA / yaha dekhakara 'bairA' kA kAma khuda maiMne liyA / mujhe vaha acchA lgtaa| bar3e-bUr3hoMkI ora merA bar3A Adara rahatA thaa| jaba vaha mere manobhAvase paricita ho gaye taba apanI nijI sevAkA sArA kAma mujhe karane dete the / baTana lagavAte hue muMha picakAkara mujhase kahate--" dekho na, kAMgresake sevakako baTana lagAnetakakI phurasata nahIM milatI / kyoMki usa samaya bhI vaha kAmameM lage rahate haiM / isa bholepanapara mujhe manameM haMsI to AI, paraMtu aisI sevAke lie manameM aruci bilakula na huI / usase jo lAbha mujhe huA usakI kImata nahIM prAMkI jA sakatI / 37 thor3e dinoMmeM maiM kAMgresake taMtrase paricita ho gayA / bahutase nase bheMTa huI | gokhale, sureMdranAtha Adi yoddhA prAte-jAte rahate / unakA raMga-DhaMga maiM dekha sakA / kAMgresameM samaya jisa taraha barabAda hotA thA, vaha merI najarameM

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adhyAya 15 : kAMgresameM 22 praayaa| aMgrejI bhASAkA daura-daurA bhI dekhaa| isase usa samaya bhI duHkha huA thaa| maiMne dekhA ki eka AdamIke karaneke kAmameM ekase adhika AdamI laga jAte aura kucha jarUrI kAmoMko to koI bhI nahIM karatA thA / merA mana ina tamAma bAtoMkI AlocanA kiyA karatA thaa| paraMtu citta udAra thA--isalie, yaha mAna letA ki zAyada isase adhika sudhAra honA asaMbhava hogaa| phalata: kisIke prati manameM durbhAva utpanna na huaa| 15 kAMgresameM kAMgresakI baiThaka zurU huii| maMDapakA bhavya dRzya, svayaMsevakoMkI katAra, maMcapara bar3e-bUr3hoMke samudAyako dekhakara maiM daMga raha gyaa| isa sabhAmeM bhalA merA kyA patA calegA, isa vicArase maiM becaina huA / sabhApatikA bhASaNa eka khAsI pustaka thii| usakA pUrA par3hA jAnA muzkila thaa| koI-koI aMza hI par3he gaye / phira viSaya-nirvAcinI samitike sadasya cune gaye / gokhale mujhe usameM le gaye the| sara phirojazAhane merA prastAva lenA svIkAra to kara hI liyA thaa| meM yaha socatA huA samitimeM baiThA thA ki usa prastAvako samitimeM kauna peza karegA, kaba karegA, aadi| hara prastAvapara laMbe-laMbe bhASaNa hote the aura saba-kesaba aNgrejiimeN| pratyeka prastAvake samarthaka koI-na-koI prasiddha puruSa the| isa nakkArakhAne meM mujha tUtIkI AvAja kauna sunegA ? jyoM-jyoM rAta jAtI thI, tyoM-tyoM merA dila dhar3akatA thaa| mujhe yAda AtA hai ki aMtameM raha jAnevAle prastAva Ajakalake vAyuyAnakI gatise calate the / saba ghara bhAganekI taiyArImeM the| rAtake 11 baje gaye / merI bolanekI himmata na hotI thii| para maiM gokhalese mila liyA thA aura unhoMne merA prastAva dekha liyA thA / ___ unakI kurasIke pAsa jAkara maiMne dhIrese kahA--

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530 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 " merI bAta na unhoMne kahA--tuma dekha hI rahe ho / para maiM use bhUlameM na par3ane dUMgA / (1 'tumhArA prastAva mere dhyAnameM hai / yahAMkI jaldI to "" 11 " aba saba qhatama huA na ? sara phirojazAha bole / "1 abhI to dakSiNa aphrIkAkA prastAva bAkI hai na ? mi0 gAMdhI baiThe gokhale bola uThe / " 'Apane usa prastAvako dekha liyA hai ? sara phirojazAhane pUchA / - 'hAM, jarUra / 88 33 " Apako ThIka jaMcA hai ? kabake rAha dekha rahe haiM / 21 bhUliegA / "hAM, saba ThIka hai / " " 'to gAMdhI, par3ho to / " 33 ," maiMne kAMpate hue par3ha sunAyA / gokhalene usakA samarthana kiyA / " sarvasammati se pAsa " -- saba bola uThe / " 73 'gAMdhI, tuma pAMca minaTa bolanA / vAcchA bole / A isa dRzyase mujhe khuzI na huI / kisIne prastAvako samajha lenekA kaSTa na uThAyA / saba bhAga-daur3a meM the / gokhale ke dekha lenese zrauroMne dekhane-sunanekI jarUrata na samajhI / subaha huI / mujhe to apane bhASaNa kI par3I thii| pAMca minaTameM kyA kahUMgA ? maiMne apanI taraphase taiyArI to ThIka-ThIka kI thI; paraMtu Avazyaka zabda na sUjhate the / idhara yaha nizcaya kara liyA thA ki kucha bhI ho likhita bhASaNa na paDhUMgA / para aisA pratIta huA, mAno dakSiNa aphrIkA meM bolane kI jo niHsaMkocatA A gaI thI vaha yahAM kho gaI / mere prastAvakA samaya AyA aura sara dInazAne merA nAma pukArA / maiM khar3A huA; sira cakkara khAne lgaa| jyoM-tyoM karake prastAva pddh'aa| kisI kavine apanI eka kavitA samasta pratinidhiyoMmeM bAMTI thI / usameM videza jAne aura samudra yAtrA karanekI stuti kI gaI thI / maiMne use par3ha sunAyA aura dakSiNa aphrIkA

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adhyAya 16 : lArDa karjanakA darabAra 231 ke duHkhoMkI kucha bAta sunaaii| itanemeM sara dInazAne ghaMTI bajAI / mujhe nizcaya thA ki abhI pAMca minaTa nahIM hue haiN| para maiM yaha nahIM jAnatA thA ki yaha ghaMTI to cetAvanI dene ke lie do minaTa pahale hI bajA dI gaI thii| maiMne bahutoM ko - yA pauna - pauna ghaMTetaka bolate sunA thA, para ghaMTI na bajatI thI / isase duHkha huA | ghaMTI bajate hI meM baiTha gayA / paraMtu merI alpa buddhine usa samaya mAna liyA ki usa kavitAke dvArA sara phirojazAhako uttara mila gayA thA / prastAvake pAsa hone ke saMbaMdha meM to pUchanA hI kyA ? usa samaya prekSaka aura pratinidhikA bheda kvacit hI thA / prastAvoMkA virodha bhI koI na karatA thA / saba hAtha UMcA kara dete the / tamAma prastAva eka mata se pAsa hote the / mere prastAvakA bhI yahI hAla huaa| isa kAraNa mujhe isa prastAvakA mahattva na jaMcA; phira bhI kAMgresama usa prastAvakA honA hI mere prAnaMdake lie basa thA / kAMgresakI hara jisapara laga gaI usapara sAre bhAratavarSakI muhara hai -- yaha jJAna kisake lie kAphI nahIM hai ? 16 lArDa karjanakA darabAra kAMgresa to samApta huI, paraMtu mujhe dakSiNa aphrIkA ke kAma ke lie kalakatte meM rahakara 'ceMbara oNva kAmarsa' ityAdi saMsthAnoMse milanA thA, isalie maiM eka mahInA kalakatte Thahara gayA / isa vAra hoTala meM Thaharane ke badale, paricaya prApta karake 'iMDiyA klaba' meM rahanekA prabaMdha kiyA / isameM mujhe lobha yaha thA ki yahIM gaNyamAnya hiMdustAnI ThaharA karate haiM, ataeva unake saMparka meM Akara dakSiNa aphrIkAke kAma meM unakI dilacaspI paidA kara sakUMgA / isa klaba meM gokhale hamezA nahIM to kabhI-kabhI biliyarDa khelane Ate the / unheM isa bAtakI khabara milate hI ki maiM kalakatte meM rahanevAlA hUM, unhoMne mujhe apane sAtha rahanekA nimaMtraNa diyA / maiMne use sAdara svIkAra kiyA / paraMtu apane Apa vahAM jAnA mujhe ThIka na mAlUma / eka-do dina rAha dekhI thI ki gokhale khuda Akara apane sAtha mujhe le gaye

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 merI saMkocavRtti dekhakara unhoMne kahA--- " gAMdhI, tumheM to isI deza meM rahanA hai, isalie aisI zaramase kAma na calegA / jitane logoMke saMparka meM A sako, tumheM AnA caahie| mujhe tumase kAMgresakA kAma lenA hai | 13 gokhale yahAM jAne se pahilekA, 'iMDiyA klaba' kA, eka anubhava yahAM de detA hUM / inhIM dinoM lArDa karjanakA darabAra thA / usameM jAnevAle jo rAjA mahArAjA isa klavama the, maiM unheM hamezA klabameM umdA baMgAlI dhotI-kuratA pahane tathA cAdara DAle dekhatA thA / grAja unhoMne patalUna, cogA, khAnasAmA jaisI pagar3I aura camakIle bUTa pahane / yaha dekhakara mujhe duHkha hA aura isa vezAMtarakA kAraNa unase pUchA / 46 'hamArA duHkha hama hI jAnate haiM / hamArI dhana-saMpatti aura upAdhiyoMko kAyama rakhane ke lie hameM jo-jo apamAna sahana karane par3ate haiM, unheM Apa kaise jAna sakate haiM ? uttara milA / " "" "" ' paraMtu yaha khAnasAmA jaisI pagar3I aura bUTa kyoM ? 'hamameM aura khAnasAmAmeM ApaneM pharka kyA samajhA ? ve hamAre khAnasAmA haiM to hama lArDa karjana khAnasAmA haiM ? yadi meM darabArameM gairahAjira rahUM to mujhe usakA phala bhoganA par3e 1 apane mAmUlI libAsameM jAUM to vaha aparAdha samajhA jAya / aura vahAM jAkara bhI kyA meM lArDa karjanase bAta-cIta kara sakUMgA ? bilakula nahIM / mujhe isa zuddha hRdaya bhAIpara dayA AI / isI tarahakA eka aura darabAra yAda AtA hai / jaba kAzI hiMdU vizva - vidyAlayakA zilA paNa lAI hADinjake hAthoM huA taba unake lie eka darabAra kriyA gayA thaa| usameM rAjA-mahArAjA to the hI; bhAratabhUSaNa mAlavIyajIne mujhe bhI usameM upasthita rahaneke lie khAsa taurapara Agraha kiyA thA / maiM vahAM gayA / rAjA-mahArAjAoM ke vastrAbhUSaNoMko, jo kevala striyoMko hI zobhA de sakate the, dekhakara mujhe bar3A duHkha huA / rezamI pAjAme, rezamI aMgarakhe aura gale meM hIre-motiyoMkI mAlAeM, bAMhapara bAjUbaMda aura pagar3iyoMpara hIre-motiyoMkI

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adhyAya 17 : gokhaleke sAtha eka mAsa -- 1 233 lar3iyAM aura turre / ina sabake sAtha kamarameM sonekI mUThakI talavAra laTakatI rahatI / kisIne kahA - ye inake rAjyAdhikArake nahIM, balki gulAmI ke cihna haiN| maiM samajhatA thA ki aise nAmardIke grAbhUSaNa ve svecchAse pahanate hoMge / paraMtu mujhe mAlUma huA ki aise samArohameM apane tamAma kImatI vastrAbhUSaNa pahanakara AnA unake lie lAjimI thaa| mujheM patA lagA ki kitane hI rAjAnoMko to aise vastrAbhUSaNoMse napharata thI aura aise darabArake avasara ke alAvA ve kabhI unheM nahIM pahanate the / maiM nahIM kaha sakatA ki yaha bAta kahAMtaka saca hai / dUsare avasaroMpara ve cAhe pahanate hoM yA na pahanate hoM, vAisarAyake darabArameM hoM yA aura kahIM, striyocita AbhUSaNa pahanakara unheM jAnA par3atA hai, yahI kAphI duHkhadAyaka haiM / dhana, sattA aura mAna manuSyatvase kyA- kyA pApa aura anartha nahIM karAte ? 17 gokhale ke sAtha eka mAsa - 1 pahale hI dina gokhalene mujhe mehamAna na samajhane diyA, mujhe apane choTe bhAIkI taraha rakkhA / merI tamAma jarUrateM mAlUma kara lIM aura unakA prabaMdha kara diyA / khuzakismatIse merI jarUrateM bahuta kama thIM / saba kAma khuda kara lene kI Adata DAla lI thI, isalie auroMse mujhe bahuta hI kama kAma karAnA par3atA thA / svAvalaMbanakI merI isa zrAdatakI, usa samayake mere kapar3e-lattekI sughar3atAkI, merI udyogazIlatA aura niyamitatAkI bar3I gaharI chApa una para par3I aura usakI itanI stuti karane lage ki maiM parezAna ho jAtA / mujhe yaha na mAlUma huA ki unakI koI bAta mujhase gupta thI / jo koI bar3e AdamI unase milane prAte unakA paricaya vaha mujhase karAte the / ina paricayoM meM sabase pradhAnarUpase merI najaroMke sAmane khar3e ho jAte haiM vaha haiM DA0 praphullacaMdra rAya / vaha gokhaleke makAnake pAsa hI rahate the aura prAyaH hamezA prAyA karate the / 'yaha haiM prophesara rAya, jo 800 0) mAsika pAte haiM; para apane kharca ke lie sirpha 40) lekara bAkI saba loka-sevAmeM lagA dete haiM / inhoMne zAdI nahIM kI hai, na karanA hI cAhate haiM / " ina zabdoMmeM gokhalene bhujhe unakA paricaya karAyA /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 ___ Ajake DA0 rAyameM aura usa samayake pro0 rAyameM mujhe thor3A hI bheda dikhAI detA hai| jaise kapar3e usa samaya pahanate the Aja bhI lagabhaga vaise hI pahanate hai| hAM, aba khAdI A gaI hai / usa samaya khAdI to thI hI nahIM / svadezI miloMke kapar3e hoNge| gokhale aura pro0 rAyakI bAteM sunate hue maiM na aghAtA thA; kyoMki unakI bAteM yA to deza-hitake saMbaMdhameM hotI yA hotI jJAna-carcA / kitanI hI bAteM duHkhada bhI hotI; kyoMki unameM netAoMkI AlocanA bhI hotI thii| jinheM maiM mahAna yoddhA mAnanA sIkhA thA, ve choTe dikhAI dene lge| ___ gokhalekI kAma karanekI paddhatise mujhe jitanA AnaMda huA utanA hI bahuta-kucha sIkhA bhii| vaha apanA eka bhI kSaNa vyartha na jAne dete the| maiMne dekhA ki unake tamAma saMbaMdha deza-kAryake hI lie hote the| bAteM bhI tamAma deza-kAryake hI nimitta hotI thiiN| bAtoMmeM kahIM bhI malinatA, daMbha yA asatya na dikhAI diyaa| hiMdustAna kI garIbI aura parAdhInatA unheM pratikSaNa cubhatI thii| aneka loga unheM aneka bAtoMmeM dilacaspI karAne Ate / ve unheM eka hI uttara dete--"Apa isa kAmako kIjie, mujhe apanA kAma karane dIjie, mujhe dezakI svAdhInatA prApta karanI hai| usake bAda mujhe dUsarI bAteM suujheNgii| abhI to isa kAmase mujhe eka kSaNa phurasata nahIM rhtii|" rAnaDe ke prati unakA pUjya bhAva bAta-bAtameM Tapaka par3atA thaa| 'rAnaDe aisA kahate the', yaha to unakI bAtacItakA mAno 'sUta-uvAca' hI thaa| mere vahAM rahate hue rAnaDekI jayaMtI (yA puNyatithi, aba ThIka yAda nahIM hai) par3atI thI / aisA jAna par3A, mAno gokhale sarvadA usako manAte hoN| usa samaya mere alAvA unake mitra prophesara kAthavaTe tathA dUsare eka sajjana the| unheM unhoMne jayaMtI manAne ke lie nimaMtrita kiyA aura usa avasarapara unhoMne hameM rAnaDeke kitane hI saMsmaraNa kaha sunaaye| rAnaDe, tailaMga aura mAMDalikakI tulanA kI thii| aisA yAda par3atA hai ki tailaMgakI bhASA kI stuti kI thii| mAMDalikakI sudhArakake rUpameM prazaMsA kI thii| apane mavakkiloMkI vaha kitanI ciMtA rakhate the, inakA eka udAharaNa diyaa| eka bAra gAr3I cUka gaI to mAMDalika spezala Trena karake gye| yaha ghaTanA kaha sunaaii| rAnaDekI sarvAMgINa zaktikA varNana karake batAyA ki vaha tatkAlIna anagiyoMmeM sarvopari the| rAnaDe akele nyAyamUrti na the| vaha iti

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adhyAya 17 : gokhaleke sAtha eka mAsa -- 1 235 hAsakara the, arthazAstrI the / sarakArI jaja hote hue bhI kAMgresa meM prekSaka ke rUpa meM nirbhaya hokara Ate the / phira unakI samajhadArIpara logoM kA itanA vizvAsa thA ki saba unake nirNayoMko mAnate the / ina bAtoMkA varNana karate hue gokhaleke harSakA TikAnA na rahatA thA / 66 gokhale ghor3A gAr3I rakhate the| maiMne unase isakI zikAyata kii| maiM unakI kaThinAiyAM na samajha sakA thA / kyA Apa saba jagaha TrAmameM nahIM jA * sakate ? kyA isase netAoM kI pratiSThA kama ho jAyagI ? " kucha duHkhita hokara unhoMne uttara diyA--" kyA tuma bhI mujhe na pahacAna sake ? bar3I dhArAsabhAse jokucha mujhe milatA hai use maiM apane kAmameM nahIM letA / tumhArI TrAmake saphara para mujhe IrSyA hotI hai / para maiM aisA nahIM kara sakatA / jaba tumako mere jitane loga pahacAnane laga jAyeMge taba tumheM bhI TrAmameM baiThanA asaMbhava nahIM to muzkila jarUra ho jAyagA / netA loga jo kucha karate haiM, kevala grAmodapramoda hI lie karate haiM, yaha mAnane kA koI kAraNa nahIM / tumhArI sAdagI mujhe pasaMda hai / maiM bharasaka sAdagI se rahatA hUM / para yaha bAta nizcita samajhanA ki kucha kharca to mujha jaisoMke lie anivArya ho jAtA hai / " isa taraha merI eka zikAyata to ThIka tarahase radda ho gaI; para mujhe eka dUsarI zikAyata bhI thI aura usakA vaha saMtoSajanaka uttara na de sake / 66 ' para Apa ghUmane bhI to pUre nahIM jaate| aisI hAlata meM Apa bImAra kyoM na raheM ? kyA deza - kArya se vyAyAmake lie phurasata nahIM mila sakatI ? maiMne kahA 1 31 "[ 'mujhe tuma kaba phurasatameM dekhate ho ki jisa samaya maiM ghUmane jAtA ? " uttara milA / gokhale ke prati mere mana meM itanA Adara bhAva thA ki maiM unakI bAtoM kA javAba na detA thA / isa uttarase mujhe saMtoSa na huA; para maiM cupa rhaa| maiM mAnatA thA aura aba bhI mAnatA hUM ki jisa taraha hama bhojana - pAnake lie samaya nikAlate haiM usI taraha vyAyAmake lie bhI nikAlanA caahie| merI yaha namra sammati hai. ki usase deza sevA kama nahIM, adhika hotI hai /

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236 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 .. . gokhaleke sAtha eka mAsa--2 gokhalekI chatrachAyAmeM rahakara yahAM maiMne apanA sArA samaya gharameM baiThakara nahIM bitAyA / maine apane dakSiNa aphrIkAvAle IsAI-mitroMse kahA thA ki bhAratameM maiM apane desI IsAiyoMse jarUra milUMgA aura unakI sthitiko jaanuuNgaa| kAlIcaraNa banarjIkA nAma maiMne sunA thaa| kAMgresameM vaha Age bar3hakara kAma karate the, isalie unake prati mere manameM Adara-bhAva ho gayA thaa| kyoMki hiMdustAnI IsAI Ama taurapara kAMgresase aura hiMduoM tathA musalamAnoMse alaga rahate the, isalie jo avizvAsa unake prati thA, vaha kAlIcaraNa banarjIke prati na dikhAI diyaa| maiMne gokhalese kahA ki maiM unase milanA cAhatA huuN| unhoMne kahA--" vahAM jAkara tuma kyA karoge? vaha haiM to bahuta bhale AdamI, paraMtu maiM samajhatA hUM ki unase milakara tumheM saMtoSa na hogaa| maiM unako khUba jAnatA huuN| phira bhI tuma jAnA cAho to khuzIse jA sakate ho / " ___maiMne kAlIbAbUse milane kA samaya maaNgaa| unhoMne turaMta samaya diyA aura mai milane gayA / gharameM unakI dharmapatnI mRtyuzayyApara par3I huI thii| vahAM sarvatra sAdagI phailI huI thii| kAMgresameM vaha koTa-patalUna pahane hue tha, para gharameM baMgAlI dhotI va kuratA pahane hue dekhaa| yaha sAdagI mujhe bhaaii| usa samaya yadyapi maiM pArasI koTa-patalUna pahane hue thA, tathApi unakI pozAka aura sAdagI mujhe bahuta hI priya lgii| maiMne aura bAtoMmeM unakA samaya na lekara apanI ulajhana unake sAmane peza kii| ___ unhoMne mujhase pUchA--"Apa yaha bAta mAnate haiM yA nahIM ki hama apane pApoMko sAtha lekara janma pAte haiM ?" maiMne uttara diyA--" hAM, jarUra / " " to isa mUla pApake nivAraNakA upAya hiMdU-dharmameM nahIM, IsAI-dharmameM . *het.

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adhyAya 18 : gokhaleke sAtha eka mAsa --- 2 237 yaha kahakara unhoMne kahA- " pApakA badalA hai mauta / bAibila kahatI hai ki isa mauta se bacanekA mArga hai IsAkI zaraNa meM jAnA / " maiMne bhagavadgItAkA bhakti mArga unake sAmane upasthita kiyA, paraMtu merA yaha udyoga nirarthaka thA / maiMne unakI sajjanatAke lie unako dhanyavAda diyA / mujhe saMtoSa to na huA, phira bhI isa mulAkAtase lAbha hI huA / isI mahIne maiMne kalakattekI eka-eka galIkI khAka chAna DAlI / prAyaH paidala hI jAtA thA / isI samaya maiM nyAyamUrti mitrase milA / sara gurudAsa banarjI se bhI milaa| ina sajjanoMkI sahAyatA dakSiNa aphrIkA kAmake lie Avazyaka thii| rAjA sara pyArImohana mukarjIke darzana bhI isI samaya hue / kAlIcaraNa banarjIne mujhase kAlI maMdirakA jikra kiyA thA / use dekhanekI prabala icchA thI / eka pustakameM maiMne vahAMkA varNana bhI par3hA / so eka dina vahAM calA gayA / nyAyamUrti mitrakA makAna usI muhallemeM thA / isa lie maiM jisa dina unase milA, usI dina kAlImaMdira gayA / rAstemeM balidAnake bakaroMkI katAra jAtI huI dekhI / maMdirakI galI meM pahuMcate hI bhikhAriyoMkI bhIr3a dikhAI dI / bAbA bairAgI to the hii| usa samaya bhI merA yaha niyama thA thA ki haTTe-kaTTe bhikhArIko kucha na diyA jAya; para bhikhArI to bahuta hI pIche par3a gaye the / eka bAbAjI eka cautarepara baiThe the / unhoMne mujhe bulAyA, "kyoM beTA, kahAM jAte ho ? " maiMne yathocita uttara diyA / unhoMne mujhe tathA mere sAthIko baiThake lie khaa| hama baiTha gaye / 66 ina bakaroMke balidAnako Apa dharma samajhate haiM maiMne pUchAunhoMne kahA- -" jIva hatyAko dharmaM kauna mAnegA ? " CC " 'to zrApa yahAM baiThebaiThe logoMko upadeza kyoM nahIM dete ? 23 66 'yaha hamArA kAma nahIM / hama to yahAM baiThakara bhagavadbhakti karate haiM / 66 para Apako bhaktike lie yahI sthAna milA, dUsarA nahIM ? " "L 'kahIM bhI baiTheM; hamAre lie saba jagaha ekasI hai / logoMko kyA, ve to bher3a-bakarIke jhuMDakI taraha haiM, jidhara bar3e hAMkeM, udhara cale jaayN| hama sAdhunoMko isase kyA matalaba ? " bAbAjI bole /

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238 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 maiMne saMvAda Age na bddh'aayaa| isake bAda hama maMdirameM pahuMce / sAmane lahUkI nadI baha rahI thI / darzana karaneke lie khar3e rahane kI icchA na rahI / mere manameM bar3A kSobha utpanna huA / maiM chaTapaTAne lagA / isa dRzyako maiM abataka nahIM bhala sakA hUM / usI samaya baMgAlI mitroMkI eka pArTImeM mujhe nimaMtraNa thaa| vahAM maiMne eka sajjanase isa ghAtaka pUjA-vidhike saMbaMdha meM bAtacIta kii| unhoMne kahA -- "vahAM balidAnake samaya khUba naubata bajatI hai, jisakI gUMjameM bakaroMko kucha mAlUma nahIM hotA / yaha mAnate haiM ki aisI gUMjameM cAhe jisa taraha mAreM, unheM takalIpha nahIM hotI / " mujhe yaha bAta na jNcii| maiMne kahA- -" yadi ve bakare bola sakeM to isase bhinna bAta kaheMge / " mere manane kahA -- yaha ghAtaka rivAja baMda honA cAhie / mujhe buddhadevavAlI kathA yAda AI; paraMtu maiMne dekhA ki yaha kAma mere sAmarthya ke bAhara thA / usa samaya isa saMbaMdha meM merI jo dhAraNA huI vaha aba bhI maujUda hai| mere najadIka bakare prANakI kImata manuSyake prANase kama nahIM hai / manuSya - dehako 'kAyama rakhaneke lie bakarekA khUna karaneko maiM kabhI taiyAra na houuNgaa| maiM mAnatA hUM ki jo prANI jitanA hI adhika asahAya hogA, vaha manuSyakI ghAtakatA se bacane ke lie manuSya kA utanA hI adhika adhikArI hai / paraMtu isake lie kAphI yogyatA yA adhikAra prApta kiye binA manuSya zrAzraya denemeM samartha nahIM ho sakatA / bakaroMko isa krUra homase bacAneke lie mujhe jo hai usase bahuta adhika Atmazuddhi aura tyAgakI AvazyakatA hai| aisA pratIta hotA hai ki abhI to isa zuddhi aura "tyAgakA raTana karate-karate hI mujhe yaha deha chor3anI par3egI / paramAtmA kare aisA koI tejasvI puruSa athavA koI tejasvI satI utpanna ho, jo isa mahApAtakase manuSya ko bacAye, nirdoSa jIvoMkI rakSA kare aura maMdirako zuddha kare / maiM niraMtara yaha prArthanA kiyA karatA hUM / jJAnI, buddhimAn tyAga-vRtti aura bhAvanA pradhAna baMgAla kyoMkara isa ko sahana kara rahA hai ?

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adhyAya 19 : gokhaleke sAtha eka mAsa--3 18 gokhaleke sAtha eka mAsa--3 kAlI-mAtAke nimitta yaha jo vikarAla yajJa jo rahA hai, usako dekhakara baMgAlI-jIvanakA adhyayana karanekI merI icchA tIvra huii| usameM brahma-samAjake viSayame to maiMne ThIka taurapara sAhitya par3hA thA aura sunA bhI thA / pratApacaMdra majUmadArake jIvana-vRttAMtase maiM thor3A-bahuta paricita thaa| unake vyAkhyAna sune the| unakA likhA kezavacaMdra senakA jIvana-caritra lekara bar3e cAvase par3hA aura sAdhAraNa brahma-samAja tathA Adi brahma-samAjakA bheda mAlUma kiyaa| paMDita zivanAtha zAstrIke darzana kiye| maharSi deveMdranAtha ThAkurake darzana karane pro0 kAthavaTe aura maiM gye| para usa samaya vaha kisIse milate-julate na the| ataeva hama unake darzana na kara ske| unake yahAM brahmasamAjakA utsava thaa| usameM hama bhI nimaMtrita kiye gaye the| vahAM UMce darjekA baMgAlI saMgIta sunaa| tabhIse baMgAlI saMgItase merA anurAga ho gyaa| - brahma-samAjakA, jitanA ho sakatA thA, adhyayana karaneke vAda bhalA yaha kaise ho sakatA thA ki svAmI vivekAnaMdake darzana na karatA ? bar3I utsukatAke sAtha ma velUra-maTha takolagabhaga paidala gyaa| kitanA paidala calA thA, yaha ava yAda nahIM par3atA hai| maThakA ekAMta sthAna mujhe bar3A suhAvanA mAlUma huA / vahAM jAnepara mAlUma huA ki svAmIjI bImAra haiM, unase mulAkAta nahIM ho sakatI aura vaha apane kalakattevAle gharameM haiN| yaha samAcAra sunakara meM nirAza huaa| bhaginI niveditAke gharakA patA pUchA / cauraMgIke eka mahalameM unake darzana hue| unakI zAnako dekhakara maiM bhauMcakkA raha gyaa| bAtacItameM bhI hamArI paTarI jyAdA na baitthii| maiMne gokhalese isakA jikra kiyA to unhoMne kahA--"vaha devI bar3I teja hai, tumhArI unakI paTarI baiThanI muzkila hai / eka bAra aura unase merI bheMTa pestanajI pAdazAhake yahAM huI thii| jisa samaya maiM vahAM pahuMcA, vaha pestanajIkI vRddhA mAtAko upadeza de rahI thIM, isalie meM anAyAsa unakA dubhASiyA bana gyaa| yadyapi bhaginIkA aura merA mela

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240 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 na baiThatA thA, tathApi maiM itanA avazya dekha sakA ki hiMdUdharmake prati unakA prema agAdha hai / unakI pustakeM maiMne bAdako par3hIM / apane dainika kAryakramake maiMne do vibhAga kiye the / prAdhA dina dakSiNa atara kAmake silasile meM kalakatteke netAoM se milane meM bitAtA aura pradhA dina kalakattekI dhArmika tathA dUsarI sArvajanika saMsthAnoM ko dekhane meM | eka dina maiMne DA0 mallikakI adhyakSatAmeM eka vyAkhyAna diyA / usameM maiMne yaha batAyA ki boara yuddha ke samaya hiMdustAniyoMke paricAraka -dalane kyA kAma kiyA thA / 'iMglizamaina ' ke sAtha jo merA paricaya thA, vaha isa samaya bhI sahAyaka sAbita huA / mi0 sAMDarsakA svAsthya ina dinoM kharAba rahatA thA, phira bhI 1896 kI taraha isa samaya bhI unase mujhe utanI hI madada milii| merA yaha bhASaNa gokhaleko pasaMda AyA aura jaba DA0 rAyane mere vyAkhyAnakI tArIpha unase kI to use sunakara vaha bar3e prasanna hue the 1 isa taraha gokhalekI chatrachAyA rahaneke kAraNa baMgAla meM merA kAma bahuta sarala ho gayA / baMgAla ke agragaNya parivAroMse merA paricaya AsAnI se ho gayA, aura baMgAla ke sAtha merA nikaTa saMbaMdha huA / isa cirasmaraNIya mahIneke kitane hI saMsmaraNa mujhe chor3a dene pdd'eNge| usI mahIne meM brahmadezameM bhI gotA lagA AyA thaa| vahAMke phuMgiyoMse milaa| unake grAlasyako dekhakara bar3A duHkha huA / suvarNa pegor3ake bhI darzana kiye| maMdirameM asaMkhya choTI-choTI momabattiyAM jala rahI thIM, ve kucha jaMcI nahIM / maMdira ke garbha gRhameM cUhoMko daur3ate hue dekhakara svAmI dayAnaMdakA anubhava yAda AyA / brahmadezakI mahilAoMoMkI svataMtratA aura utsAhako dekhakara mugdha ho gayA aura puruSoMkI maMdatA dekhakara duHkha huA / usI samaya maiMne dekha liyA ki jaise baMbaI hiMdustAna nahIM, usI taraha raMgUna brahmadeza nahIM hai; aura jisa prakAra hiMdustAnameM hama aMgreja vyApAriyoMke kamIzana ejeMTa bana gaye haiM, usI taraha brahmadeza meM aMgrejoMke sAtha milakara hamane brahmadeza vAsiyoMko kamIzana ejeMTa banAyA hai / brahmadezase lauTakara maiMne gokhalese vidA maaNgii| unakA viyoga mere lie duHsaha thA; paraMtu merA baMgAlakA athavA saca pUchie to yahAM kalakattekA, kAma samApta ho gayA thA / 1

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adhyAya 20 : kAzImeM 241 merA yaha vicAra thA ki kAmameM laganese pahale maiM thor3A-bahuta saphara tIsare darje meM karUM, jisame tIsare darjeke musAphiroMkI hAlatako maiM jAna lUM aura duHkhoMko samajha lUM / gokhale ke sAmane maiMne apanA yaha vicAra rakhakhA / pahalepahale to unhoMne ise haMsI meM TAla diyA; para jaba maiMne yaha batAyA ki isameM maiMne kyA-kyA bAteM soca rakkhI haiM taba unhoMne khuzIse merI yojanAko svIkAra kiyA / sabase pahale maiMne kAzI jAkara viduSI ainIvemeMTa ke darzana karanA ta kiyA / vaha usa samaya bImAra 1 tIsare darje kI yAtrAke lie mujhe nayA sAja-sAmAna juTAnA thA / pItalakA eka DibbA gokhalene khuda hI diyA aura usameM mere lie magadake laDDU aura pUrI rakhavA diiN| bAraha AnekA eka kenavAsakA baiga khriidaa| chAyA ( porabaMdarake najadIka ke eka gAMva ) ke UnakA eka laMbA koTa banavAyA thaa| baigameM yaha koTa, tauliyA, kurate aura dhotI rkkhe| pror3haneke lie eka kaMbala sAtha liyA / isake alAvA eka loTA bhI sAtha rakkhA thA / itanA sAmAna lekara meM ravAnA huA / gokhale aura DA0 rAya mujhe sTezana pahuMcAne Aye / maiMne donoMse anurodha kiyA thA ki ve na yAveM; para unhoMne eka na sunI / tuma yadi pahale darje meM saphara karate to maiM nahIM yAtA; para aba to jarUra calUMgA / " --- gokhale bole / 66 pleTaphArma para jAte hue gokhaleko to kisIne na rokaa| unhoMne sirapara apanI rezamI pagar3I bAMdhI thI aura dhotI tathA koTa pahanA thA / DA0 rAya baMgAlI livAsa meM the, isalie TikaTa bAbUne aMdara Ate hue pahale to rokA; para gokhalene kahA, " mere mitra haiM / " taba DA0 rAya bhI aMdara A ske| isa taraha donoMne mujhe vidA dI / 20 kAzI meM yaha saphara kalakattese rAjakoTa takakA thA / isameM kAzI, AgarA, jayapura aura pAlanapura hote hue rAjakoTa jAnA thA / ina sthAnoMko dekha lene ke sivA adhika samaya nahIM de sakatA thA / haraeka jagaha meM eka-eka dina rahA /

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242 Atma-kathA: bhAga 3 pAlanapurako chor3akara aura saba jagaha maiM yAtriyoMkI taraha dharmazAlAmeM yA paMDoMke makAnapara ThaharA thaa| jahAMtaka mujhe yAda hai, isa yAtrAmeM rela-kirAye sahita ikattIsa rUpaye lage the| tIsare darjemeM pravAsa karate hue bhI maiM aksara DAkanAr3I meM nahIM jAtA thA; kyoMki maiM jAnatA thA ki usameM bhIr3a jyAdA hotI hai aura tIsare darje ke kirAyeke hisAbase vahAM paise bhI adhika dene par3ate the| mere lie yaha ar3acana bhI thI hii| tIsare darje ke DibboMmeM jo gaMdagI aura pAkhAnoMkI burI hAlata isa samaya hai, vahI pahale bhI thii| zAyada ina dinoM kucha sudhAra ho gayA ho; para tIsare aura pahale darjekI suvidhAoMmeM jo aMtara hai vaha ina doMke kirAyeke aMtarakI apekSA bahuta adhika mAlUma huaa| tIsare darje ke yAtrI to mAno bher3a-bakarI hote haiM, aura unake baiThane ke Dibbe bhI bher3a-bakariyoMke lAyaka hote haiN| yUropameM to maiMne apanI sArI yAtrA tIsare darjemeM hI kI thI; kevala anubhavake lie eka bAra maiM pahale darjemeM baiThA thA; para vahAM mujhe pahale aura tIsare darje ke bIca yahAMkA-sA aMtara na dikhAI diyaa| dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM to tIsare darje ke DibboMke musAphira prAyaH habazI loga hote haiM; para phira bhI vahAMke tIsare darje ke DibboMmeM adhika suvidhA rahatI hai| kahIM-kahIM to musAphiroMke lie tIsare darje ke DibboMmeM sonekA bhI prabaMdha hai, aura baiThakoMpara gaddI bhI lagI rahatI hai| pratyeka khAne meM baiThanevAle yAtriyoMkI saMkhyAkI maryAdA kA pAlana kiyA jAtA hai; para yahAM to mujhe kabhI aisA anubhava nahIM huA ki yAtriyoMkI saMkhyAkI isa maryAdAkA pAlana kiyA jAtA ho / relave-vibhAgakI ina asuvidhAoMke alAvA yAtriyoMkI kharAva AdateM sughar3a yAtriyoMke lie tIsare darjekI yAtrAko daMDa-svarUpa banA detI haiN| cAhe jahAM thUka diyA, jahAM cAhA kacarA pheMka diyA, jaba jImeM AyA aura jisa taraha cAhA . bIr3I phUMkane lage, pAna aura jaradA cabAkara jahAM baiThe hoM vahIM picakArI lagA dI, jUThana vahIM pharza para DAla dI, jorajorase bAteM karanA, pAsa baiThe manuSpakI paravA na karanA aura gaMdI bhASA vagairA, yaha tIsare darjekA Ama anubhava hai / tIsare darjekI merI 1920I0kI yAtrAke anubhavameM aura 1915se 1919 takake dUsarI bArake akhaMDa anubhavameM mujhe koI vizeSa aMtara nahIM dikhAI diyaa| isa mahA vyAdhikA to mujhe eka hI upAya dikhAI detA hai; vaha yahI ki

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adhyAya 20 : kAzImeM 243 vikSita samAja tIsare darjemeM hI yAtrA karake ina logoMkI prAdateM sudhAranekA yatna kare / isake sivA relaveke adhikAriyoMko zikAyateM kara-karake taMga kara DAlanA, apane lie suvidhA prApta karane yA suvidhAkI rakSAke lie kisI prakArakI rizvata na denA aura khilAphakAnUna bAtako bardAzta na karanA -- ye bhI upAya haiM / merA anubhava hai kiM aisA karanese bahuta kucha sudhAra ho sakatA hai / apanI bImArI ke kAraNa 1920 I0 se mujhe tIsare darjekI yAtrA prAyaH baMda karanI par3I hai| isapara mujhe sarvadA du:kha aura lajjA mAlUma hotI rahatI haiM / yaha tIsare darjekI yAtrA mujhe aise samayapara baMda karanI par3I, jabaki tIsare darjeke yAtriyoMkI kaThinAiyAM dUra karanekA kAma rAstepara prAtA jAtA thA / relave aura jahAjameM yAtrA karanevAle garIboMko jo kaSTa aura asuvidhAeM hotI haiM aura jo unakI nijI kuTeboMke kAraNa aura bhI adhika ho jAtI haiM, sAtha hI sarakArakI orase videzI vyApAriyoMke lie anucita suvidhAeM kI jAtI haiM, ityAdi bAteM hamAre sArvajanika jIvanameM eka svataMtra aura mahattvapUrNa prazna bana baiThI haiM aura ise hala karaneke lie yadi ekado dakSa aura udyogI sajjana apanA sArA samaya de DAleM to vaha adhika nahIM hogA / aba tIsare darjekI yAtrAkI carcA yahIM chor3akara kAzIke anubhava sunie / subaha maiM kAzI utarA / maiM kisI paMDeke yahAM utaranA cAhatA thaa| kaI brAhmaNoMne mujhe cAroM orase ghera liyaa| unameMse jo mujhe sApha-sutharA dikhAI diyA, usake ghara jAnA maiMne pasaMda kiyA / merI pasaMdagI ThIka bhI nikalI / brAhmaNake prAMganama gAya baMdhI thI / ghara dumaMjilA thA / Upara mujhe tthhraayaa| maiM yathAvidhi gaMgA snAna karanA cAhatA thA aura tabataka nirAhAra rahanA thA / paMDAne sArI taiyArI kara dii| maiMne pahalese kaha rakkhA thA ki 1 1 ) se adhika dakSiNA maiM nahIM de sakUMgA, isalie usI yogya taiyArI karanA / paMDene binA kisI jhagar3e ke merI bAta mAna lI / kahA--" hama to kyA garIba aura kyA amIra, savase ekahI - sI pUjA karavAte haiM / yajamAna apanI icchA aura zraddhAke anusAra jo de de, vahI sahI / " mujhe aisA nahIM mAlUma ki paMDene pUjAmeM koI kora-kasara rakkhI ho| bAraha baje taka pUjA-snAnase nivRtta hokara meM kAzIvizvanAthake darzana karane gayA; para vahAM jo kucha dekhA usase manameM bar3A duHkha huA / san 1891 I0 meM jaba maiM baMbaI meM vakAlata karatA thA, eka dina prArthanA

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244 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 samAja-maMdirameM 'kAzI-yAtrA' para eka vyAkhyAna sunA thaa| isase kucha nirAzAke lie to vahIMse taiyAra ho gayA thA; para pratyakSa dekhanepara jo nirAzA huI vaha to dhAraNAse adhika thii| eka saMkar3I phisalanI galIse hokara jAnA par3atA thaa| zAMtikA kahIM nAma nhiiN| makkhiyAM cAroM ora bhinabhinA rahI thiiN| yAtriyoM aura dukAnadAroMkA ho-hallA asahya mAlUma huA / jahAM manuSya dhyAna evaM bhagavaccitanakI AzA rakhatA ho, vahAM unakA nAmonizAna nahIM; dhyAna karanA ho to vaha apane aMtarameM hI kara sakate the| hAM, aisI bhAvuka bahaneM maiMne jarUra dekhIM, jo aisI dhyAna-magna thIM ki unheM apane AsapAsakI kucha bhI khavara na thI; para isakA zreya maMdirake saMcAlakoMko nahIM mila sktaa| saMcAlakoMkA karttavya to yaha hai ki kAzI-vizvanAthake Asa-pAsa zAMta, nirmala, sugaMdhita, svaccha vAtAvaraNa--kyA bAhya aura kyA AMtarika--utpanna kareM, aura use banAye rakkheM ; para isakI jagaha maiMne dekhA ki vahAM guMDe logoMkA, naye-senaye tarjakI miThAI aura khilaunoMkA bAjAra lagA huA thA / maMdirapara pahuMcate hI maiMne dekhA ki daravAjeke sAmane sar3e hue phUla par3e the aura unameM se durgaMdha nikala rahI thii| aMdara bar3hiyA saMgamaramarI pharza thaa| usapara kimI aMdha-zraddhAlune rupaye jar3a rakhe the aura unameM mailA-kacarA ghusA rahatA thaa| maiM jJAna-vApIke pAsa gyaa| yahAM maiMne IzvarakI khoja kii| para mujhe . * na milaa| isase maiM mana-hI-mana ghuTa rahA thaa| jJAna-vApIke pAsa bhI gaMdagI . dekhii| bheMTa rakhanekI merI jarA bhI icchA na huii| isalie maiMne to sacamuca hI eka pAI vahAM cddh'aaii| isapara paMDAjI ukhar3a pdd'e| unhoMne pAI uThAkara pheMka dI aura do-cAra gAliyAM sunAkara bole---"tU isa taraha apamAna karegA to narakameM par3egA!" maiM cupa rhaa| maiMne kahA-- "mahArAja, merA to, jo honA hogA vaha hogA; para Apake muMhase halakI bAta zobhA nahIM detii| yaha pAI lenA ho to leM, varnA ise bhI gNvaayeNge|" ___"jA, terI pAI mujhe nahIM cAhie"-- kahakara unhoMne aura bhI bhalAburA khaa| maiM pAI lekara calatA huaa| maiMne socA ki mahArAjane pAI gaMvAI naura maine bacA lii| para mahArAja pAI khonevAle na the| unhoMne mujhe phira bulAyA

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adhyAya 21 : baMbaImeM sthira huA 245 aura kahA-- "acchA rakha de; maiM tere-jaisA nahIM honA caahtaa| maiM na lUM to terA burA hogaa|" maiMne cupacApa pAI de dI aura eka laMbI sAMsa lekara calatA bnaa| isake bAda bhI do-eka bAra kAzI-vizvanAtha gayA; para vaha to taba, jaba 'mahAtmA' bana cukA thaa| isalie 1902ke anubhava bhalA kaise milate ? khuda mere hI darzana karanevAle mujhe darzana kahAMse karane dete ? 'mahAtmA'ke duHkha to mujha-jaise 'mahAtmA' hI jAna sakate haiM; kintu gaMdagI aura hohallA to jaise-ke-taise hI vahAM dekhe / paramAtmAkI dayA para jise zaMkA ho, vaha aise tIrtha-kSetroMko dekhe| vaha mahAyogI apane nAmapara honevAle kitane DhoMga, adharma aura pAkhaMDa ityAdiko sahana karate haiN| unhoMne to kaha rakkhA hai:-- ye yathA mAM prapacaMte tAMstathaiva bhajAmyaham / arthAt,-- "jaisI karanI vaisI bhrnii|" karmako kauna mithyA kara sakatA hai ? phira bhagavAnko bIcameM par3anekI kyA jarUrata hai ? vaha to apane kAnUna batalAkara alaga ho gayA / yaha anubhava lekara maiM miseja beseMTake darzana karane gyaa| vaha abhI bImArIse uThI thiiN| yaha meM jA bImArIse uThI thiiN| yaha meM jAnatA thaa| maiMne apanA nAma phcaayaa| vaha turaMta milane aaii| mujhe to sirpha darzana hI karane the| isalie maiMne kahA-- "mujha aApakI nAjuka tabiyatakA hAla mAlUma hai, maiM to sirpha Apake darzana karane AyA huuN| tabiyata kharAba hote hue bhI Apane mujhe darzana diye, kevala isIse maiM saMtuSTa hUM; adhika kaSTa meM Apako nahIM denA caahtaa|" yaha kahakara maiMne unase vidA lI / baMbaImeM sthira huyA gokhalekI bar3I icchA thI ki maiM baMbaI raha jAUM, vahIM bairisTarI karUM aura unake sAtha sArvajanika jIvanameM bhAga lUM / usa samaya sArvajanika jIvanakA matalaba thA kAMgresakA kAma / unakI prasthApita saMsthAkA khAsa kAma kAMgresake

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 taMtrakA saMcAlana thA / merI bhI yahI icchA thI; para yahAM kAma mila jAneke viSayameM mujhe AtmavizvAsa na thaa| pahale anubhavakI yAda bhUlA na thA aura khuzAmada karanA to mere lie mAno jahara thA / isalie pahale to maiM rAjakoTa hI rhaa| vahAM mere purAne hitaiSI aura mujhe vilAyata bhejanevAle kevalarAma mAvajI dabe the| unhoMne mujhe tIna mukadame diye / do apIle kAThiyAvAr3ake juDIziyala asisTeMTake ijalAsa meM thIM aura eka khAsa mukadamA jAmanagarameM thaa| yaha mAmalA mahattvakA thaa| isa mAmalekI jimmedArI lene meM maiMne AnAkAnI kI, taba kevalarAma vola uThe--" hAreMge to hama hAreMge na ? tumase jitanA ho sake karanA; aura maiM bhI tumhAre sAtha hI rahUMgA / " isa mAmale meM pratipakSIkI tarapha sva0 samartha the| merI taiyArI bhI ThIka thii| vahAMke kAnUnakI to mujhe ThIka jAnakArI na thI; para isa saMbaMdhameM mujhe kevalarAma dabene pUrA taiyAra kara diyA thaa| dakSiNa aphrIkA jAnese pahale mitra loga mujhe kahA karate the--" eviDeMsa-ekTa ( kAnUna gavAha ) phirojazAhakI jabAnapara rakkhA hai, aura yahI unakI saphalatAkI cAbI hai|" yaha maiMne dhyAnameM rakkhA, aura dakSiNa aphrokA jAte samaya maiMne bhAratake isa kAnUnako TIkA-sahita par3ha liyA thaa| isake atirikta dakSiNa aphrIkAkA anubhava to thA hI / mukadamemeM merI jIta huii| isase mujhe kucha vizvAsa huaa| pahalI do apIloMke viSayameM to mujhe pahalese hI bhaya na thaa| manameM socA ki aba baMbaI jAne meM bhI koI harja nahIM hai / isa viSayapara adhika likhanese pahale jarA aMgreja adhikAriyoMke avicAra aura ajJAnakA anubhava bhI kaha DAlUM / juDIziyala asisTeMTa kahIM eka jagaha nahIM baiThate the| usakI savArI dhUmatI rahatI thI; aura jahAM yaha sAhaba jAte, vahIM vakIla aura mavakkiloMko bhI jAnA hI pdd'taa| aura vakIlakI phIsa jitanI usake rahanekI jagahapara ho, bAhara usase adhika hotI thii| isalie mavakkilako sahaja hI duganA kharca par3atA; para isakA vicAra karanekI jajako kyA jarUrata ? isa apIlakI sunavAI verAvala meM honevAlI thii| verAvalameM usa vakta

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adhyAya 21 : baMbaI meM sthira huA 247 glega joroMse phaila rahA thaa| jahAMtaka mujhe yAda hai, roja pacAsa mRtyueM hotI thIM / bAMkI bastI sAr3he pAMca hajArake lagabhaga thI / karIva karIva sArA gAMva khAlI ho gayA thA / mere ThaharanekA sthAna vahAMkI nirjana dharmazAlAmeM thaa| gAMva se vaha dharmazAlA kucha dUrI para thI; para mavakkiloMkA kyA hAla ? yadi ve garIba hoM to unakI mAlika basa Izvara hI samajhie ! mujhe vakIla mitroMne tAra diyA ki meM sAhavase prArthanA karUM ki plega ke kAraNa adAlatakA sthAna badala deM / prArthanA karanepara sAhavane pUchA -- " kyA tumheM plega se Dara lagatA hai ? " maiMne kahA--" yaha mere DaranekA prazna nahIM hai / maiM apanI hiphAjata karanA jAnatA hUM; para mavakkilakA kyA hogA ? "1 sAhaba bole--" plegane to hiMdustAnameM ghara kara liyA hai, usase kyA DaranA ! verAvala kI havA kitanI suMdara hai ! ( sAhaba gAMva se dUra dariyA - kinAre mahalake samAna eka taMbU meM rahate the ) logoM ko isa prakAra bAhara rahanA sIkhanA cAhie / isa philAsaphI ke sAmane merI kyA calane lagI ? sAhabane sariztedArase kahA--"mi0 gAMdhI kA kahanA dhyAna meM rakhanA / yadi vakIla- mavakkiloM ko jyAdA takalIpha mAlUma de, to mujhe batAnA / 17 isameM sAhabane to sacAI se apanI matike mAphika ucita hI kiyA; para use kaMgAla hiMdustAnakI prasuvidhAoM kA aMdAja kaise ho ? vaha becArA hiMdustAna kI AvazyakatA, AdatoM, kuTevoM aura rivAjoMko kyA samajhe ? paMdraha rupayekI, muharakI ginatI karanevAlA pAIkI ginatI kaise jhaTa lagA sakatA hai ? acchese acchA hetu honepara bhI jaise hAthI cIMTI ke lie vicAra karane meM asamartha hotA hai| usI prakAra hAthI ke samAna jarUratavAlA aMgreja bhI cIMTiyoMke samAna jarUratavAle hiMdustAnI ke lie vicAra karane aura niyama nirmANa karane meM asamartha hI hogA / ba khAsa viSayapara yAtA huuN| isa prakAra saphalatA milanepara bhI maiM thor3e samaya rAjakoTa meM hI rahanekA vicAra kara rahA thaa| itane meM eka dina kevalarAma mere pAsa Aye aura bole -- " ava tumako yahAM na rahane deNge| tumheM to baMbaI meM hI rahanA par3egA /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 " para vahAM merI pUcha hI jyAdA na hogI; kyA Apa merA vahAMkA kharca calAyeMge?'' maiMne kahA / "hAM, hAM, maiM tumhArA kharca calAUMgA, tumheM bar3e-bar3e bairisTaroMkI taraha kisI vakta yahAM lAUMgA aura likhane-likhAnekA kAma to tumhAre lie vahIM bheja diyA kruuNgaa| bairisTaroMko bar3e-choTe banAnekA kAma to hama vakIloMkA hai na ? tumane jAmanagara aura verAvala meM jaisA kAma kiyA hai, usase tumhArI nApa ho gaI hai aura maiM bephikara ho gayA huuN| tuma jo loka-sevA karane ke lie paidA hue ho, use yahAM kAThiyAvAr3ameM daphana nahIM hone deNge| bolo, kaba jA rahe ho ? " ___" neTAlase mere kucha rupaye Ane bAkI haiM, unake Anepara jaauuNgaa|" do-eka saptAhameM rupaye A gaye aura maiM baMbaI calA gyaa| vahAM maiMne pena gilbarTa aura sayAnIke AphisameM 'ceMbarsa' kirAyepara liye aura aisA lagA mAno vahAM sthira ho gayA / dharma-saMkaTa Aphisake alAvA maiMne giragAMvameM ghara bhI liyA, paraMtu Izvarane mujhe sthira nahIM rahane diyaa| ghara liye bahuta dina nahIM hue the ki merA dUsarA lar3akA sakhta bImAra ho gyaa| kAla-jvarane use ghera liyA thaa| bukhAra utaratA nahIM thaa| ghabarAhaTa to thI hI; para rAtako sannipAtake lakSaNa bhI dikhAI dene lge| isa vyAdhise pahale, bacapana meM, use cecaka bhI jorakI nikala cukI thii| DAkTarakI salAha lii| DAkTarane kahA--" isake lie davAkA upayoga nahIM ho sakatA / aba to ise aMDe aura murgIkA zoravA dene kI jarUrata hai|" maNilAlakI umna dasa sAlakI thI, ata: usase to kyA pUchanA thA ! meM usakA pAlaka thA, ata: mujhe hI nirNaya karanA thaa| DAkTara eka bhale pArasI the| maiMne kahA--- " DakTara, hama to saba annAhArI haiN| merA vicAra to lar3akeko ina donoMmeMse eka bhI vastu denekA nahIM hai| dUsarI hI koI vastu na batalAyeMge ?" DAkTara bole-- "tumhAre lar3akekI jAna khataremeM hai| dUdha aura pAnI

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adhyAya 22 : dharma-saMkaTa 249 milAkara diyA jA sakatA hai; para usase pUrA poSaNa nahIM mila sakatA / tuma jAnate ho ki meM to bahuta-se hiMdU-parivAroMmeM jAyA karatA hUM; para davAke lie to hama jo cAhate haiM vahI cIja unheM dete haiM aura ve use lete bhI haiN| maiM samajhatA hU~ ki tuma bhI apane lar3akeke sAtha aisI sakhtI na karo to acchA hogaa|" "zrApa jo kahate haiM vaha to ThIka hai, aura Apako aisA kahanA hI cAhie; para merI jimmedArI bahuta bar3I hai / yadi lar3akA bar3A hotA to jarUra usakI icchA jAnane kA prayatna bhI karatA aura jo vaha cAhatA vahI use karane detA ; para yahAM to isake lie mujhe hI vicAra karanA par3a rahA hai| maiM to samajhatA hUM ki manuSya ke dharma kI kasauTI aise hI samaya hotI hai / cAhe ThIka ho cAhe galata, maiMne to isako dharma mAnA hai ki manuSyako mAMsAdi na khAnA caahie| jIvanake sAdhanoMkI bhI sImA hotI hai| jIne ke lie bhI amuka vastuoMko hameM nahIM grahaNa karanA caahie| mere dharmakI maryAdA mujhe aura mere logoMko bhI aise samayapara mAMsa ityAdikA upayoga karane se rokatI hai / isalie Apa jisa khatareko dekhate haiM mujhe use uThAnA hogaa| para aApase maiM eka bAta cAhatA huuN| ApakA ilAja to maiM nahIM karUMgA; para mujhe isa bAlakakI nAr3I aura hRdayako dekhanA nahIM AtA hai| jala-cikitsAkI mujhe thor3I jAnakArI hai| una upacAroMko maiM karanA cAhatA hUM; paraMtu agara Apa samaya-samayapara maNilAlakI tabiyata dekhaneko Ate raheM aura usake zarIrameM hone vAle pheraphAroMse mujhe paricita karate raheMge to maiM ApakA upakAra mAnUMgA / " ___sajjana DAkTara merI kaThinAiyoM ko samajha gaye aura merI icchAnusAra unhoMne maNilAlako dekhane ke lie AnA maMjUra kara liyA / yadyapi maNilAla apanI rAya kAyama karane lAyaka nahIM thA to bhI DAkTarake sAtha jo merI bAtacIta huI thI vaha maiMne use sunAI aura apane vicAra prakaTa karaneko kahA / "Apa khuzI ke sAtha jala-cikitsA kiijie| maiM zoravA nahIM pIUMgA, aura na aMDe hI khaauuNgaa|" usake ina vAkyoMse meM prasanna huyA; yadyapi maiM jAnatA thA ki agara maiM use donoM cIjeM khAneko kahatA to vaha khA bhI letA / . maiM kUne ke upacAroMko jAnatA thA, unakA upayoga bhI kiyA thaa| bImArImeM

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 upavAsakA sthAna bar3A hai, yaha maiM jAnatA thA / kunekI paddhatike anusAra maiMne maNilAlako kaTi-snAna karAnA zurU kiyaa| tIna minaTase jyAdA use TabameM nahIM rkhtaa| tIna dina to sirpha nAraMgIke rasameM pAnI milAkara detA rahA aura usIpara rakkhA / bukhAra dUra nahIM hotA thA aura rAtako vaha kucha-kucha bar3abar3AtA thaa| bukhAra 104 DigrI taka ho jAtA thaa| maiM ghbraayaa| yadi bAlakako kho baiThA to jagatmeM loga mujhe kyA kaheMge? bar3e bhAI kyA kaheMge? dUsare DAkTaroMko kyoM na bulA lUM ? kisI vaidyako kyoM na bulAUM ? mAM-bApako apanI adhUrI akala AjamAnekA kyA haka hai ? aise vicAra uThate / para ye vicAra bhI uThate--" jIva ! jo tU apane lie karatA hai, vahI yadi lar3ake ke lie bhI kare to isase paramezvara saMtoSa mAneMge / tujhe jala-cikitsApara zraddhA hai, davApara nhiiN| DAkTara jIvana-dAna to dete nahIM / unake bhI to AkhirameM prayoga hI haiM na / jIvanakI DorI to ekamAtra Izvarake hI hAtha meM hai / IzvarakA nAma le aura usapara zraddhA rakha aura apane mArgako na chodd'|" manameM isa taraha uthala-puthala macatI rhii| rAta huii| maiM maNilAla ko apane pAsa lekara soyA huA thaa| maiMne nizcaya kiyA ki use bhIgI cAdarakI paTTImeM rakkhA jAya / maiM uThA, kapar3A liyA, ThaMDe pAnI meM use DuboyA aura nicor3akara usameM pairase lekara sira taka use lapeTa diyA aura Uparase do kambala pror3A diye; sirapara bhIgA huA tauliyA bhI rakha diyaa| zarIra tavekI taraha tapa rahA thA, va bilakula sUkhA thA, pasInA to AtA hI na thA / ___ maiM khUba thaka gayA thaa| maNilAlako usakI mAMko sauMpakara maiM Adha ghaMTeke lie khulI havAmeM tAjagI aura zAMti prApta karaneke irAdese caupATIkI tarapha gyaa| rAtake dasa vaje hoNge| manuSyoMkI grAmada-raphta kama ho gaI thI; para mujhe isakA khayAla na thA ! vicAra-sAgarameM gote lagA rahA thA--" he Izvara ! isa dharma-saMkaTameM tU merI lAja rkhnaa|" muMhase 'rAma-rAma'kA raTana to cala hI rahA thaa| kucha derake bAda maiM vApasa lauTA / merA kalejA dhar3aka rahA thaa| gharameM ghusate hI maNilAlane AvAja dI-"bApU ! Agaye ?" .. "hAM, bhAI / "

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adhyAya 23 : phira dakSiNa aphrIkA 251 'mujhe isameMse nikAlie na ! maiM to mAre Agake marA jA rahA hU~ / " "kyoM, pasInA chUTa rahA hai kyA ?" " "} 'ajI, maiM to pasInese tara ho gayA / aba to mujhe nikAlie / 't'A maiMne maNilAlakA sira dekhA / usapara motIkI taraha pasIne kI bUMdeM camaka rahI thiiN| bukhAra kama ho rahA thA / maiMne Izvarako dhanyavAda diyA / " maNilAla, ghabar3A mata / aba terA bukhAra calA jAyagA, para kucha aura sInA A jAya to kaisA ?" maiMne usase kahA / usane kahA--" nahIM bApU ! aba to mujhe chur3Aie / phira dekhA jAyagA / " mujhe dhairya AA gayA thA, isIlie bAtoM meM kucha minaTa gujAra diye / sirase pasI kI dhArA baha calI / maiMne caddarako alaga kiyA aura zarIrako poMchakara sUkhA kara diyaa| phira bApa-beTe donoM sAtha so gaye / donoM khUba soye / subaha dekhA to maNilAlakA bukhAra bahuta kama ho gayA hai / dUdha, pAnI tathA phaloMpara cAlIsa dinoMtaka rakhA / maiM nizcita ho gayA thaa| bukhAra haThIlA thA; para vaha kAbU meM A gayA thaa| Aja mere lar3akoM meM maNilAla hI sabase adhika svastha aura majabUta haiM / isakA nirNaya kauna kara sakatA hai ki yaha rAmajIkI kRpA hai yA jalacikitsA, alpAhAra athavA aura kisI upAyakI ? bhale hI saba apanI-apanI zraddhA anusAra kareM; para usa vakta merI to Izvarane hI lAja rakkhI / yahI maiMne mAnA aura Aja bhI mAnatA hUM / 23 phira dakSiNa aphrIkA maNilAla to acchA ho gayA; para maiMne dekhA ki giragAMvavAlA makAna rahane lAyaka na thA / usameM sIla thI / prakAza bhI kAphI na thA / isalie revAzaMkarabhAI se salAha karake hama donoMne baMbaIke kisI khulI jagahavAle muhalle meM makAna lenekA nizcaya kiyA / maiM bAMdarA, sAMtAkruja vagairAmeM bhaTakA / bAMdarAmeM kasAI khAnA thA, isalie vahAM rahanekI hamArI icchA na huI / ghATakUpara vagairA

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252 Atma-kathA : bhAga 3 samudra se dUra mAlUma hue / sAMtAkrujameM eka suMdara baMgalA mila gyaa| vahAM rahane lage va hamane samajhA ki prArogyakI dRSTise hama surakSita ho gaye / carcageTa jAne ke lie maiMne vahAMse pahale darjekA pAsa le liyA / mujhe smaraNa hai ki kaI bAra pahale darje meM akelA maiM hI rahatA / isalie mujhe kucha abhimAna bhI hotA / kaI bAra bAMdarAse carcageTa jAnevAlI khAsa gAr3I pakar3aneke lie sAMtAkrujase calakara jAtA / merA dhaMdhA zrArthika dRSTise bhI merI dhAraNAse jyAdA ThIka calatA huA mAlUma hone . lagA / dakSiNa zrIkA ke mavakkila bhI mujhe kucha kAma dete the| mujhe lagA ki isase merA kharca sahUliyata se nikala sakegA / hAIkorTakA kAma to abhI mujhe nahIM milatA thA; para usa samaya vahAMpara jo 'sUTa' (carcA) calatI rahatI thI, usameM meM jAyA karatA thA; para usameM bhAga lenekI merI himmata nahIM hotI thii| mujhe yAda hai ki usameM jamIyatarAma nAnAbhAI kAphI bhAga lete the / dUsare naye bairisTaroMkI bhAMti maiM bhI hAIkorTake mukadame sunane ke lie jAne lagA; para vahAM kucha jAnaneke badale samudrakI phara phara calanevAlI havAmeM jhoMke khAne meM acchA AnaMda milatA thaa| dUsare sAthI bhI UMghate hI the, isase mujhe zarma bhI na AtI / maiMne dekhA ki vahAM UMghanA bhI 'phaizana' meM zumAra hai / hAIkorTa ke pustakAlayakA upayoga zurU kiyA aura vahAM kucha jAna-pahacAna bhI zurU kii| mujhe lagA ki thor3e hI samaya meM maiM bhI hAIkorTa meM kAma karane lagUMgA / isa prakAra eka ora mujhe apane dhaMdhe ke viSayameM kucha nizcitatA hone lagI, dUsarI tarapha gokhalekI najara to mujhapara thI hI / saptAha meM do-tIna bAra ceMbara meM Akara vaha merI khabara le jAte aura kabhI-kabhI apane khAsa mitroMko bhI le Ate the| bIca-bIca meM vaha apane kAma karaneke DhaMgase bhI mujhe vAkipha karate jAte the / para mere bhaviSya ke viSaya meM yaha kahanA ThIka hogA ki Izvarane aisA koI bhI kAma nahIM hone diyA, jise karanekA maiMne pahale soca rakkhA ho / jaise hI maiMne sthira hone kA nizcaya kiyA aura svasthatAkA anubhava karane lagA, ekAeka dakSiNa aphrIkA tAra A gayA -- " caimbaralena yahAM zrA rahe haiM, tumheM zIghra AnA cAhie / " merA vacana mujhe yAda hI thA / maiMne tAra diyA -- " kharca bhejie,

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adhyAya 23 : phira dakSiNa aphrikA 253 maiM pAneko taiyAra huuN|" unhoMne tatkAla rupaye bheje aura maiM Aphisa sameTakara vahAM ravAnA ho gayA / maiMne socA thA ki mujhe vahAM eka varSa to yoM hI laga jAyagA / ataH baMgalA rahana diyA aura bAla-baccoMko bhI vahIM rakhanA ThIka samajhA / meM yaha mAnatA thA ki jo yuvaka desameM kamAI na karate hoM aura sAhasI '. hoM, unheM videzoMmeM jAnA caahie| isalie maiM apane sAtha cAra-pAMca yuvakoMko bhI le gyaa| unameM maganalAla gAMdhI bhI the / gAMdhI-kuTuMba bar3A thA, Aja bhI hai| merI icchA thI ki usameMse jo loga svataMtra honA cAheM, ve svataMtra ho jAyaM / mere pitA kaiyoMkA nirvAha karate the; para vaha the rajavAr3oMkI naukarImeM; maiM cAhatA thA ki vaha isa naukarIse nikala sakeM to ThIka ho| yaha ho nahIM sakatA thA ki maiM unheM dUsarI naukarI dilavAnekA yatna karatA / zakti honepara bhI icchA na thii| merI dhAraNA to yaha thI ki vaha svayaM aura dUsare bhI svAvalaMbI baneM to acchaa| para aMtameM to jyoM-jyoM mere Adarza Age bar3he (yaha maiM mAnatA hUM) tyoM-tyoM una yuvakoMke Adarzako banAnA bhI maiMne AraMbha kiyaa| unameM maganalAla gAMdhIko banAne meM mujhe bar3I saphalatA milI--para isa viSayapara Age cala kara likhA jaaygaa| bAla-baccoMkA viyoga, jamA huA kAma tor3a denA, nizcitatAse anizcitatAmeM praveza karanA----yaha saba kSaNabharake lie khaTakA ; para maiM to anizcita jIvanakA AdI ho gayA thaa| isa duniyAmeM Izvara yA satya, kucha bhI kahie, usake sivA dUsarI koI cIja nizcita nhiiN| yahAM nizcitatA mAnanA hI bhrama hai| yaha sava jo apane AsapAsa hameM dikhAI par3atA hai aura banatA rahatA hai, anizcita aura kSaNika hai ; usameM jo eka paramatatva nizcita-rUpase chipA huA hai, usakI jarA-sI 'jhalaka' hI mila jAya aura usapara zraddhA banI rahe, tabhI hamArA jIvana sArthaka ho sakatA hai| usakI khoja hI parama puruSArtha hai| maiM Darabana eka dina bhI pahale pahuMcA, yaha nahIM kahA jA sktaa| mere lie to kAma taiyAra hI rakkhA thaa| mi0 ceMbaralenase milanevAle DepyUTezanakI tArIkha taya ho cukI thii| mujhe unake sAmane par3hane ke lie nivedanapatra taiyAra karanA thA aura DepyUTezanake sAtha jAnA thA /

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cauthA bhAga kiyA-karAyA vAhA ? misTara ceMbaralena to dakSiNa aphrIkAse sAr3he tIna karor3a pauMDa leneke lie tathA aMgrejoMkA, aura ho sake to boaroMkA bhI manaharaNa karaneke lie Aye the| isalie hiMdustAnI pratinidhiyoMko unakI aorase yaha ThaMDA javAba milA ___"Apa to jAnate hI haiM ki uttaradAyitva-pUrNa upanivezoMpara sAmrAjyasarakArakI sattA nAmamAtra kI hai| hAM, ApakI zikAyateM alabattA saca mAlUma hotI haiM, so maiM apane basa-bhara unako dUra karanekI ceSTA karUMgA; para Apa eka bAta na bhuuleN| jisa taraha ho sake Apako yahAMke goroMko rAjI rakhakara hI rahanA hai|" isa javAbako sunakara pratinidhiyoMpara to mAno pAnI par3a gyaa| maiMne bhI AzA chor3a dii| maiMne to isakA tAtparya samajha liyA ki aba phira se 'hariH OM' karanA pdd'egaa| aura maiMne apane sAthiyoMpara bhI yaha bAta acchI taraha spaSTa kara dI; para mi0 caiMbaralenakA javAba kyA jhUThA thA ? gola-mola kahane ke badale unhoMne kharI bAta kaha dii| 'jisakI lAThI usakI bhaiMsa' kA niyama unhoMne kucha madhura zabdoMmeM batA diyA, para hamAre pAsa to lAThI hI kahAM thI ? lAThI to dUra, lAThIkI coTa sahanevAle zarIra bhI muzkilase hamAre pAsa the / mi0 caibaralena kucha hI saptAha vahAM rahanevAle the| dakSiNa aphrIkA koI choTA-sA prAMta nahIM, use to eka deza, eka bhUkhaMDa hI kahanA cAhie / aphrIkAke peTameM to kitane hI upakhaMDa par3e hue haiN| kanyAkumArIse zrInagara yadi 1900 mIla hai to Darabanase kepaTAuna 1100 mIlase kama nhiiN| isa itane bar3e khaMDameM unheM 'pacana-vega'se ghUmanA thaa| vaha TrAMsavAla ravAnA hue| mujhe sArI taiyArI karake bhAratIyoMkA pakSa unake sAmane upasthita karanA thaa| aba yaha samasyA

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adhyAya 1 : kiyA-karAyA svAhA ? 255 khar3I huI ki maiM priToriyA kisa taraha pahuMcUM ? mere samayapara pahuMca sakanekI ijAjata lene kA kAma hamAre logoMse ho nahIM sakatA thA / vora yuddha ke bAda TrAMsavAla karIba-karIba Ujar3a ho gayA thaa| vahAM na khAne-pIne ke lie anAja raha gayA thA, na pahanane pror3haneke lie kapar3e hI / bAjAra khAlI aura dukAneM baMda milatI thIM / unako phirase bharanA aura khulA karanA thA aura yaha kAma to dhIre-hI-dhIre ho sakatA thA aura jyoM-jyoM mAla * AtA jAtA tyoM-hI-tyoM una logoMko, jo gharabAra chor3akara bhAga gaye the, zrAne diyA jA sakatA thA / isa kAraNa pratyeka TrAMsavAlavAsIko paravAnA lenA par3atA thA / aba gore logoMko to paravAnA mAMgate hI turaMta mila jAtA; paraMtu hiMdustAniyoMko bar3I musIbatakA sAmanA karanA par3atA thA / lar3AIke dinoMmeM hiMdustAna aura laMkAse bahutere aphasara aura sipAhI dakSiNa aphrIkA meM A gaye the / unameMse jo loga vahIM basanA cAhate the unake lie suvidhA kara denA briTiza adhikAriyoMkA karttavya mAnA gayA thA / idhara eka navIna adhikArI - maMDalakI racanA unheM karanI thI / so ye anubhavI karmacArI sahaja hI unake kAma A gaye / ina karmacAriyoMkI tIvra buddhine eka naye mahakamekI hI sRSTi kara DAlI aura isa kAma meM ve adhika paTu to the hI / habziyoMke lie aisA eka alaga mahakamA pahale hI se thA, to phira ina logoMne akala bhir3AI ki eziyAvAsiyoMke lie bhI alaga mahakamA kyoM na kara liyA jAya ? sava unakI isa dalIla kAyala ho gaye / yaha nayA mahakamA mere jAnese pahale hI khula cukA thA aura dhIre-dhIre apanA jAla phailA rahA thA / jo adhikArI bhAge hue logoM ko paravAnA dete the, ve hI sabako de sakate the, paraMtu yaha unheM patA kaise cala sakatA hai ki eziyAvAsI kauna hai ? yadi isa navIna mahakamekI siphAriza para hI usako paravAnA diyA jAya to usa adhikArIkI jimmedArI kama ho jAya aura usake kAmakA bojha bhI kucha ghaTa jAya, yaha dalIla peza kI gii| bAta daraasala yaha thI ki isa naye mahakameko kucha kAmakI aura kucha dAmakI ( dhanakI ) jarUrata thI / yadi kAma na ho to isa mahakamekI AvazyakatA siddha nahIM ho sakatI aura use baMda karanA par3atA / to isalie use yaha kAma sahaja hI mila gayA / tarIkA yaha thA ki hiMdustAnI pahale isa mahakame meM arjI deM / phira bahuta

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256 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 dinoM meM jAkara usakA javAba miltaa| idhara TrAMsavAla jAnekI icchA rakhanevAloMkI saMkhyA bahuta thI / phalataH unake lie dalAloMkA eka dala bana gayA / ina dalAloM aura adhikAriyoMmeM becAre garIba hiMdustAniyoM ke hajAroM rupaye luTa gaye / mujhase kahA gayA ki binA kisI jariyeke paravAnA nahIM milatA aura jariyA honepara bhI kitanI hI bAra to sau-sau pauMDa phI AdamI kharca ho jAtA hai / aisI hAlata meM bhalA merI dAla kaise galatI ? taba maiM apane purAne mitra, Darabana ke pulisa supariTeMDeMTa ke yahAM pahuMcA aura unase kahA--" Apa paravAnA denevAle adhikArIse merA paricaya karA dIjie aura mujhe paravAnA dilA diijie| Apa yaha to jAnate hI haiM ki maiM TrAMsavAla meM raha cukA huuN|" unhoMne turaMta sirapara Topa rakhA aura mere sAtha calakara paravAnA dila diyA / isa samaya Trena chUTane meM muzkila se eka ghaMTA thA / maiMne apanA sAmAna vagairA bAMdha-bUMdhakara pahalese hI taiyAra rakhA thA / isa kaSTake lie maiMne supariMTeMDeMTa elegjeMDarako dhanyavAda diyA aura priToriyA jAneke lie ravAnA ho gayA / isa samayataka vahAMkI kaThinAiyoMkA aMdAja mujhe ThIka-ThIka ho gayA thA / priToriyA pahuMcakara maiMne eka darakhvAsta taiyAra kii| mujhe yaha yAda nahIM par3atA ki DarabanameM kisI se pratinidhiyoMke nAma pUche gaye the / yahAM to nayA hI mahakamA kAma kara rahA thA / isalie pratinidhiyoMke nAma mere Aneke pahale hI pUcha liye gaye the / isakA Azaya yaha thA ki mujhe isa mAmalese dUra rakkhA jAya, para isa bAta kA patA priToriyA ke hiMdustAniyoMko laga gayA thA / yaha duHkhadAyaka kiMtu manoraMjaka kahAnI agale prakaraNa meM /

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adhyAya 2 : eziyAI navAbazAhI 11 257 2 eziyAI navAbazAhI isa naye mahakameke karmacArI yaha na samajha sake ki maiM TrAMsavAlameM kisa taraha A phuNcaa| jo hiMdustAnI usake pAsa zrAte-jAte rahate the unase unhoMne pUcha-tAcha bhI kI; para ve becAre kyA jAnate the ? tava karmacAriyoMne anumAna lagAyA ki ho na ho apanI purAnI jAna-pahacAna kI vajahase meM binA paravAnA liye hI ghusA hUM; aura yadi aisA hI ho to, unhoMne socA, ise hama kaida bhI kara sakate haiM / jaba koI bhArI lar3AI lar3I jAtI hai taba usake bAda kucha samaya ke lie rAja- karmacAriyoMko vizeSa adhikAra diye jAte haiN| yahAM dakSiNa aphrIkA meM bhI aisA hI huA thaa| zAMti rakSA ke lie eka kAnUna banAyA gayA thA / isameM eka dhArA yaha bhI thI ki yadi koI binA paravAneke TrAMsavAlameM zrA jAya to vaha giraphtAra aura kaida kiyA jA sakatA hai| isa dhArA ke anusAra mujhe giraphtAra karaneke lie salAha-mazavirA hone lagA para kisIko yaha sAhasa na huA ki Akara mujhase paravAnA mAMge / ina karmacAriyoMne Darabana tAra bhejakara bhI puchavAyA thaa| vahAMse jaba unheM khabara par3I ki maiM to paravAnA lekara aMdara prAyA hUM taba becAre nirAza ho rahe; paraMtu isa mahakameke loga aise na the jo isa nirAzAse thakakara baiTha jAte / hAlAMki maiM TrAMsavAla meM yA cukA thA; paraMtu phira bhI unake pAsa aisI tarakIbeM thIM jinase merA mi0 ceMbaralenase milanA jarUra roka sakate the / isa kAraNa sabase pahale ziSTamaMDalake pratinidhiyoMke nAma mAMge gaye / yoM to dakSiNa akIkAmeM raMga-dveSakA anubhava jahAM jAte vahIM ho rahA thA; para yahAM to hiMdustAnakI jaisI gaMdagI aura khaTapaTakI badabU Ane lagI / dakSiNa zrIkAmeM grAma mahakamoMkA kAma loka-hitake khayAlase calAyA jAtA hai / isase rAja karmacAriyoMke vyavahArameM eka prakArakI saralatA aura namratA dikhAI par3atI thI / isakA lAbha, thor3e-bahuta aMzameM, kAlI-pIlI camar3IvAloMko bhI

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258 ree-bar: bhAga 4 apane Apa mila jAtA thA / para aba jabaki yahAM eziyA ke karmacAriyoMkA daura - daurA huA taba to yahAMke jaisI 'jo hukmI' zraura khaTapaTa vagairA burAiyAM bhI usameM yA ghusIM / dakSiNa aphrIkA meM eka prakArakI prajAsattA thI; para aba to eziyA me solahoM zrAne navAbayAhI A gaI; kyoMki eziyAmeM to prajAsattA thI nahIM; valki ulTe sattA prajApara hI calAI jAtI thI / isake viparIta dakSiNa kIkA gore ghara banAkara basa gaye the, isalie ve vahAMke prajAjana ho gaye the aura isalie rAja-karmacAriyoMpara unakA aMkuza rahatA thA, para aba isameM thA mile the eziyA ke niraMkuza rAja- karmacArI, jinhoMne becAre hiMdustAnI logoMkI hAlata sarauteMmeM supArIkI taraha karadI thI / mujhe bhI isa sattAkA khAsA anubhava ho gyaa| pahale to maiM isa mahakameke bar3e aphasara ke pAsa talaba kiyA gayA / yaha sAhaba laMkA se zrAye the / 'talaba kiyA gayA' mere ina zabdoMmeM kahIM atyuktikA grAbhAsa na ho; isalie apanA grAzaya jarA jyAdA spaSTa kara detA huuN| maiM ciTThI likhakara nahIM bulAyA gayA thaa| mujhe bAMke pramukha hiMdustAniyoM ke yahAM to niraMtara jAnA hI par3atA thA / svargIya seTha taiyaba hAjI khAnamohammada bhI aise guprAoMmeMse the / unase ina sAhabane pUchA -- "yaha gAMdhI kauna hai ? yahAM kisalie prathA hai ? " taiyaba seThane javAba diyA, " vaha hamAre salAhakAra haiM aura hamAre bulAnepara yahAM Aye haiM / "" 66 'to phira hama saba yahAM kisa kAmake lie haiM ? kyA hamArI jarUrata yahAM ApakI rakSA ke lie nahIM huI hai ? gAMdhI yahAMkA hAla kyA jAne ?" sAhaba ne kahA / taiyava seThane jaise-taise karake isa prahArakA bhI javAba diyA--"hAM, Apa to haiM hI; para gAMdhIjI to hamAre hI apane Thahare na ? ve hamArI bhASA jAnate haiM, hamAre bhAvoMko, hamAre pahalUko samajhate haiM / aura grApa loga zrAkhira haiM to rAja - karmacArI hI na ?" isapara sAhabane hukma pharamAyA-- "gAMdhIko mere pAsa le mAnA / " taiyaba seTha vagairAke sAtha meM sAhavase milane gayA / vahAM hama logoMko kursI to bhalA mila hI kaise sakatI thI ? sabako khar3e-khar3e hI bAteM karanI par3IM /

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adhyAya 3 : jaharakI ghUMTa pInI par3I 259 it 'kahie. grApa yahAM kisa garajase grAye haiM ? " sAhabane merI ora prAMkha uThAkara pUchA / " mere ina bhAiyoMke bulAnese, inheM salAha dene ke lie AyA huuN|" maiMne uttara diyA / 64 ' para Apa jAnate nahIM ki Apako yahAM AnekA kataI haka nahIM hai ? Apako jo paravAnA milA hai vaha to bhUlase de diyA gayA hai / Apa yahAMke bAziMdA to haiM nahIM / Apako vApasa lauTa jAnA par3egA / zrApa mi0 caivaralenase nahIM mila sakate | yahAMke hiMdustAniyoMkI hiphAjatake hI lie to hamArA yaha mahakamA khAsa taurapara kholA gayA hai| acchA to, grApa jAie / " itanA kahakara sAhaba ne mujhe bidA kiyA / aura to ThIka; para mujhe javAvataka denekA avasara na diyA / para mere sAthiyoMko unhoMne roka rakkhA aura dhmkaayaa| kahA ki gAMdhIko TrAMsavAlase vidA kara do / ve saba apanA-sA muMha lekara vApasa Aye / aba mere sAmane eka naI samasyA khar3I ho gaI aura so bhI isa taraha acAnaka ! 3 jahara kI ghUMTa pInI par3I isa apamAnase mere dilako bar3I coTa pahuMcI; para isase pahale maiM aise apamAna sahana kara cukA thA; so usakA kucha yAdI ho rahA thA / ataeva isa apamAna kI paravA na karake taTastha bhAvase jo kucha karttavya dikhAI par3e use karanekA nizcaya maiMne kiyaa| isake bAda pUrvokta aphasarakI sahI se eka ciTThI milI ki DarabanameM mi0 ceMbaralena gAMdhIjI se mila cuke haiM, isalie grava inakA nAma pratinidhiyoM se nikAla DAlanA jarUrI hai / mere sAthiyoMko yaha ciTThI bar3I hI nAgavAra lagI / unhoMne kahA"to aisI hAlata meM hameM ziSTa maMDala le jAnekI bhI jarUrata nahIM / " taba maiMne unheM yahAMke logoMkI viSama avasthAkA bhalI prakAra paricaya karAyA --

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260 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 "yadi Apa loga mi0 caibaralenase milane na jAyaMge to isakA yaha artha kiyA jAyagA ki yahAMpara kisI kismakA julma nahIM hai, phira jabAnI to kucha kahanA hai nahIM, likhA huA par3hanA hai so taiyAra hai, maiMne par3hA kyA, aura dUsaroMne par3hA kyA ? mi0 caiMbaralena vahAM usapara bahasa thor3e hI kreNge| merA jo kucha apamAna huA hai use hama pI jAyaM, basa / " itanA maiM kaha hI rahA thA ki taiyaba seTha bola uThe-- " paraM ApakA apamAna kyA sArI kaumakA apamAna nahIM hai ? hama yaha kaise bhUla sakate haiM ki Apa hamAre pratinidhi haiM ?" __ maiMne kahA--"ApakA kahanA to ThIka hai; para aise apamAna to kaumako bhI pI jAne par3eMge-batAie, hamAre pAsa isakA dUsarA ilAja hI kyA hai ?" "jo-kucha honA hogA, ho jaaygaa| para khuda-ba-khuda hama aura apamAna kyoM mAthe leM? mAmalA bigar3a to yoM bhI rahA hI hai / aura hameM adhikAra bhI aise kauna-se mila gaye haiM ? " taiyaba seThane uttara diyA / / taiyaba seThakA yaha joza mujhe pasaMda to A rahA thA; para maiM yaha bhI dekha rahA thA ki usase phAyadA nahIM uThAyA jA sktaa| logoMkI maryAdAkA anubhava mujhe thaa| isalie ina sAthiyoMko maiMne zAMta karake unheM yaha salAha dI ki mere bajAya Apa ( aba svargIya ) jArja gADaphe ko sAtha le jaaie| vaha hiMdustAnI bairisTara the| isa taraha zrI gADaphekI adhyakSatAmeM yaha ziSTa-maMDala mi0 caiMbaralenase milane gyaa| mere bAremeM bhI mi0 caiMbaralenane kucha carcA kI thii| "eka hI AdamIkI bAta dubArA sunanekI apekSA naye AdamIkI bAta sunanA maiMne jyAdA munAsiba samajhA--' Adi kahakara unhoMne jakhmapara marahamapaTTI karanekI koziza kii| para isase merA aura kaumakA kAma pUrA hone ke bajAya ulaTA bar3ha gyaa| aba to phira 'a-zrA, i-I' se zurUAta karanekI naubata A phuNcii| Apake hI kahanese to hama loga isa lar3AI-jhagar3e meM pdd'e| aura Akhira natIjA yahI nikalA ! isa taraha tAnA denevAle bhI A hI dhmke| para mere manapara inakA kucha asara na hotA thaa| maiMne kahA--- "mujhe to apanI salAhapara pazcAttApa nahIM hotaa| mai to aba bhI yaha mAnatA hUM ki hama isa kAmameM par3e, yaha acchA hI

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adhyAya 3 : jaharako cUMTa pInI par3I 261 huaa| aisA karake hamane apane karttavyakA pAlana kiyA hai / cAhe isakA phala hama khuda na dekha sake; para merA to yaha dRr3ha vizvAsa hai ki zubhakAryakA phala sadA zubha hI hotA hai aura hogA / aba to hameM gaI-gujarI bAtoMko chor3akara isa bAtapara vicAra karanA cAhie ki aba hamArA karttavya kyA hai ? yahI adhika lAbhaprada hai|" dUsare mitroMne bhI isa bAtakA samarthana kiyA / maiMne kahA--" saca pUchie to jisa kAmake lie maiM yahAM bulAyA gayA thA vaha to pUrA ho gayA samajhanA cAhie; para merI aMtarAtmA kahatI hai ki aba loga yadi mujhe yahAMse chuTTI de bhI deM to bhI jahAMtaka merA basa calegA, maiM TrAMsavAlase nahIM haTa sktaa| merA kAma aba neTAlase nahIM, balki yahIMse calanA caahie| aba mujhe kama-se-kama eka sAlataka yahAMse lauTa jAnekA vicAra tyAga denA cAhie aura mujhe yahAM vakAlata karanekI sanada prApta kara lenI caahie| isa naye mahakameke mAmaleko taya karA lenekI himmata maiM apane aMdara pAtA huuN| yadi isa mAmalekA tasphiyA na karAyA to kaumake luTa jAne, aura Izvara na kare, yahAMse usakA nAmonizAna miTa jAnekA aMdezA mujhe hai| usakI hAlata to dinadina giratI hI jAyagI, isameM mujhe koI saMdeha nhiiN| mi0 caibaralenakA mujhase na milanA, usa adhikArIkA mere sAtha tiraskArakA bartAva karanA--ye bAteM to sArI kaumakI--sAre samAjakI mAnahAnike mukAbilemeM kucha bhI nahIM hai| hama yahAM kuttekI taraha duma hilAte raheM, yaha kaise baradAzta kiyA jA sakatA hai ? " ____ maiMne isa taraha apanI bAta logoMke sAmane rkkhii| priToriyA aura johAnsabargama rahane vAle bhAratIya aguoMke sAtha salAha-mazavarA karake aMtameM johAnsabargameM maiMne apanA daphtara kholane kA nizcaya kiyA / TrAMsavAlameM bhI mujhe yaha to zaka thA hI ki vakAlatakI sanada milegI bhI yA nahIM? paraMta, Izvarane khaira kii| yahAMke vakIla-maMDalakI orase merI darakhvAstakA virodha nahIM kiyA gayA aura bar3I adAlatane merI darakhvAsta maMjUra kara lii| . vahAM eka bhAratavAsIke daphtarake lie acchI jagaha milanA bhI muzkila thA; paraMtu mi0 rIcake sAtha merA khAsA paricaya ho gayA thaa| usa samaya vaha vyApArI-vargameM the| unakI jAna-pahacAnake hAusa-ejeMTa-- makAnoMke dalAlake mArphata daphtarake lie acchI jagaha mila gaI aura maiMne vakAlata zurU kara dii|

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262 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 4 tyAga-bhAvakI vRddhi TrAMsavAlameM logoMke hakoMkI rakSAke lie kisa taraha lar3anA par3A aura eziyAI mahakame ke adhikAriyoMke sAtha kisa taraha peza AnA par3A; isakA adhika varNana karaneke pahale mere jIvanake dUsare pahalUpara najara DAla lenekI zrAvazyakatA hai / abataka kucha-na-kucha dhana ikaTThA kara lenekI icchA manameM rahA karatI thI / mere paramArthake sAtha yaha svArthakA mizraNa bhI rahatA thA / 86 baMbaIma jaba maiMne apanA daphtara kholA thA taba eka amarIkana bImA ejeMTa mujhase milane AyA thA / usakA ceharA khuzanumA thaa| usakI bAteM bar3I mIThI thIM / usane mujhase mere bhAvI kalyANakI bAteM isa taraha kIM, mAno vaha merA koI bahuta dinoMkA mitra ho / 'amarIkAmeM to ApakI haisiyatake saba loga apanI jiMdagIkA bImA karavAte haiM / Apako bhI unakI taraha apane bhaviSyake lie nizcita ho jAnA cAhie | jiMdagIkA Akhira kyA bharosA ? hama amarIkAvAsI to bImA karAnA eka dharma samajhate haiM, to kyA Apako maiM eka choTI-sI pAlisI karAneke lie bhI na lalacA sakUM ? " abataka kyA hiMdustAna meM aura kyA dakSiNa aphrIkA meM kitane hI ejeMTa mere pAsa Aye; para maiMne kisI ko dAda na dI thI; kyoMki maiM samajhatA thA ki bImA karAnA mAno apanI bhIrutAkA aura Izvarake prati avizvAsakA paricaya denA thA; para isa bAra maiM lAlaca meM yA gayA / vaha ejeMTa jyoM-jyoM apanA jAdU ghumAtA jAtA, tyoM-tyoM mere sAmane apanI patnI aura putroMkI tasvIra khar3I hone lagI / manameM yaha bhAva uThA ki "are, tumane patnI ke lagabhaga saba gahane-patte beca DAle haiM / aba agara yaha zarIra kucha-kA- kucha ho jAya to ina patnI aura bAla-baccoMke bharaNapoSaNakA bhAra Akhira to usI garIba bhAIpara na jA par3egA jo Aja tumhAre pitA sthAnakI pUrti kara rahA hai, aura khUbI ke sAtha kara rahA hai ? kyA yaha ucita hogA ?" isa taraha maiMne apane manako samajhA kara 10,000 ) kA bImA karA liyA /

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adhyAya 4 : tyAga-bhAvako vRddhi 263 para dakSiNa aphrIkA meM mere manakI yaha hAlata na raha gaI thI aura mere vicAra bhI badala gaye the| dakSiNa aphrIkAkI naI Apattike samaya maiMne jokucha kiyA Izvarako sAkSI rakhakara hI kiyA thaa| mujhe isa bAtakI kucha khabara na thI ki dakSiNa aphrIkA meM mujhe kitane samaya rahanA pdd'egaa| merI to yaha dhAraNA ho gaI thI ki aba maiM hiMdustAnako vApasa na lauTa paauuNgaa| isalie mujhe bAlabaccoMko apane sAtha hI rakhanA caahie| unako aba apanese dUra rakhanA ucita nhiiN| unake bharaNa-popaNakA prabaMdha bhI dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM hI honA cAhie / yaha vicAra manameM Ate hI vaha pAlisI ulaTe mere duHkhakA kAraNa bana gii| mujhe manameM isa bAtapara zarma Ane lagI ki maiM usa ejeMTake cakkarameM kaise A gyaa| maine isa vicArako apane mana meM sthAna hI kaise diyA ki jo bhAI mere lie pitAke barAbara hai unheM apane sage choTe bhAIkI vidhavAkA bojha nAgavAra hogA ? aura yaha bhI kaise mAna liyA ki pahale tuma hI mara jAnoge ? Akhira sabakA pAlana karanevAlA to vaha Izvara hI hai ; na to tuma ho, na tumhAre bhAI haiN| bImA karavAke tumane apane bAla-baccoMko bhI parAdhIna banA diyA / ve kyoM svAvalaMbI nahIM ho sakate ? ina asaMkhya garIboMke bAla-baccoMkA Akhira kyA hotA hai ? tuma apaneko unhIMke-jaisA kyoM nahIM samajha lete ?" __ isa prakAra manameM vicAroMkI dhArA bahane lagI; para usake anusAra vyavahAra sahasA hI nahIM kara ddaalaa| mujhe aisA yAda par3atA hai ki bImekI eka kista to maiMne dakSiNa aphrIkAse bhI jamA karAI thii| paraMtu isa vicAra-dhArAko bAharI uttejana milatA gayA / dakSiNa aphrIkAkI pahalI yAtrAke samaya meM IsAiyoMke vAtAvaraNameM kucha pA cukA thA aura usake phala-svarUpa dharmake viSaya meM jAgrata rahane lgaa| isa bAra thiyAMsaphIke vAtAvaraNameM aayaa| mi0 rIca thiyaoNsaphisTa the| unhoMne johAnsabargakI sosAiTIse me| saMbaMdha karA diyaa| merA thiyaoNsaphIke siddhAMtoMse mata-bheda thA, isalie maiM usakA sadasya to nahIM banA; para phira bhI lagabhaga pratyeka thiyaoNsaphisTase merA gAr3hA paricaya ho gayA thaa| unake sAtha roja dharma-carcA huA krtii| thiyaoNsaphIkI pustake par3hI jAtIM aura unake maMDala meM kabhI-kabhI mujhe bolanA bhI pdd'taa| thiyaoNsaphImeM bhrAtR-bhAva paidA karanA aura bar3hAnA mukhya bAta hai / isa viSayapara hama bahuta carcA

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 karate aura maiM jahAM-jahAM isa mAnyatA aura sabhyoMke AcaraNameM bheda dekhatA tahAM usakI AlocanA bhI karatA / isa AlocanAkA prabhAva khuda mujhapara bar3A acchA pdd'aa| isase mujhe prAtma-nirIkSaNakI lagana laga gaI / nirIkSaNakA pariNAma jaba 1893meM maiM IsAI-mitroMke nikaTa-paricayameM AyA, taba maiM eka vidyArthIkI sthitimeM thaa| IsAI-mitra mujhe bAibilakA saMdeza sunAne, samajhAne aura mujhase svIkAra karAnekA udyoga kara rahe the| maiM namrabhAvase, eka taTasthakI taraha, unakI zikSAoMko suna aura samajha rahA thaa| isakI badaulata maiM hiMdUdharmakA yathAzakti adhyayana kara sakA aura dUsare dharmoko bhI samajhane kI koziza kI; para aba 1903meM sthiti jarA badala gii| thiyaoNsaphisTa mitra mujhe apanI saMsthAmeM khIMcanekI icchA to jarUra kara rahe the; paraMtu vaha eka hiMdUke taurapara mujhase kucha prApta karaneke uddezyase / thiyaoNsaphIkI pustakoMpara hiMdU-dharmakI chAyA aura usakA prabhAva bahuta-kucha par3A hai, isalie ina bhAiyoMne yaha mAna liyA ki maiM unakI sahAyatA kara sakU~gA / maiMne unheM samajhAyA ki merA saMskRtakA adhyayana barAya-nAma hI hai / maiMne hiMdU-dharmake prAcIna graMthoMko saMskRta meM nahIM par3hA hai aura anuvAdoMke dvArA bhI merA paThana kama huA hai| phira bhI, cUMki ve saMskAroMko aura punarjanmako mAnate haiM, unhoMne apanA yaha khayAla vanA liyA ki merI thor3Ibahuta madada to unheM avazya hI mila sakatI hai| aura isa taraha maiM--'rUkha nahIM tahAM reMDa pradhAna' bana gyaa| kisIke sAtha vivekAnaMda kA 'rAjayoga' par3hane lagA to kisIke sAtha maNilAla na0 dvivedIkA 'raajyog'| eka mitrake sAtha 'pAtaMjala yogadarzana' bhI par3hanA pdd'aa| bahutoMke sAtha gItAkA adhyayana zurU kiyaa| eka choTA-sA 'jijJAsumaMDala' bhI banAyA gayA aura niyama-pUrvaka adhyayana prAraMbha huaa| gItAjIke prati merA prema aura zraddhA to pahale hIse thii| aba usakA gaharAIke sAtha rahasya samajhanekI AvazyakatA dikhAI dii| mere pAsa ekado anuvAda rakhe the| unakI sahAyatAse mUla saMskRta samajhanekA prayatna kiyA

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adhyAya 5 : nirIkSaNakA pariNAma 265 aura nitya eka yA do zloka kaMTha karanekA nizcaya kiyA / subahakA datauna aura snAnakA samaya maiM gItAjI kaMTha karane meM lgaataa| dataunameM 15 aura snAnameM 20 minaTa lgte| datauna aMgrejI rivAjake mutAbika khar3e-khar3e krtaa| sAmane dIvArapara gItAjIke zloka likhakara cipakA detA aura unheM dekha-dekhakara raTatA rhtaa| isa taraha raTe hue zloka snAna karanetaka pakke ho jAte / bIcameM pichale zlokoMko bhI duharA jaataa| isa prakAra mujhe yAda par3atA hai ki 13 adhyAya taka gItA vara-jabAna kara lI thI; para bAdako kAmakI jhaMjhaTeM bar3ha gii| satyAgrahakA janma ho gayA aura usa bAlakakI paravarizakA bhAra mujhapara A par3A, jisase vicAra karanekA samaya bhI usake lAlana-pAlanameM bItA, aura kaha sakate haiM ki aba bhI bIta rahA hai / ___gItA-pAThakA asara mere sahAdhyAyiyoMpara to jo-kucha par3A ho vaha vahI batA sakate haiM; kiMtu mere lie to gItA AcArakI eka praur3ha mArgadarzikA bana gaI hai| vaha merA dhArmika koSa ho gaI hai / aparicita aMgrejI gabdaka hijje yA arthako dekhane ke lie jisa taraha maiM aMgrejI koSako kholatA, usI taraha AcAra-saMbaMdhI kaThinAiyoM aura usakI aTapaTI gutthiyoMko gItAjIke dvArA suljhaataa| usake aparigraha, samabhAva ityAdi zabdoMne mujhe giraphtAra kara liyaa| yahIM dhuna rahane lagI ki samabhAva kaise prApta karUM, kaise usakA pAlana karUM? jo adhikArI hamArA apamAna kare, jo rizvatakhora haiM, rAste calate jo virodha karate haiM, jo. kalake sAthI hai, unameM aura una sajjanoMmeM jinhoMne hamapara bhArI upakAra kiyA hai, kyA kucha bheda nahIM hai ? aparigrahakA pAlana kisa taraha mumakina hai ? kyA yaha hamArI deha hI hamAre lie kama parigraha hai ? strI-puruSa Adi yadi parigraha nahIM hai to phira kyA hai ? kyA pustakoMse bharI ina alamAriyoMmeM Aga lagA dUM? para yaha to ghara jalAkara tIrtha karanA huA ! aMdarase turaMta uttara milA-'hAM, gharavArako khAka kiye binA tIrtha nahIM kiyA jA sktaa|' isameM aMgrejI kAnUnake adhyayanane merI sahAyatA kI / snela-racita kAnUnake siddhAMtoMkI carcA yAda aaii| 'TrasTI' zabdakA artha, gItAjIke adhyayanakI badaulata, acchI taraha samajhameM aayaa| kAnUna-zAstrake prati manameM Adara var3hA ! usake aMdara bhI mujhe dharmakA tatva dikhAI par3A / 'TrasTI' yoM karor3oMkI saMpatti rakhate haiM, phira bhI usakI eka pAIpara unakA

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266 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 adhikAra nahIM hotaa| isI taraha mumukSuko apanA AcaraNa rakhanA cAhie---- yaha pATha maine gItAjIse siikhaa| aparigrahI honeke lie sama-bhAva rakhaneke lie, hetukA aura hRdayakA parivartana nAvazyaka hai, yaha bAta mujhe dIpakakI taraha spaSTa dikhAI dene lgii| yasa, turaMta revAzaMkara bhAIko likhA ki bImekI pAlisI vaMda kara diijie| kucha rupayA vApasa mila jAya to ThIka; nahIM to khaira / bAla-baccoM aura gRhiNIkI rakSA vaha Izvara karegA jisane unako aura hamako paidA kiyA hai| yaha Azaya mere usa patrakA thaa| pitAke samAna apane bar3e bhAIko likhA--- "aAjataka maiM jo kucha bacAtA rahA Apake arpaNa karatA rahA, ava merI prAzA chor3a diijie| aba jo-kucha baca rahegA vaha yahIMke sArvajanika kAmoMmeM lgegaa|" _isa bAtakA aucitya meM bhAI sAhabako jaldI na samajhA skaa| zurUmeM to unhoMne bar3e kar3e zabdoMmeM apane prati mere dharmakA upadeza diyA--" pitAjI se bar3hakara akla dikhAnekI tumheM jarUrata nhiiN| kyA pitAjI apane kuTuMbakA pAlanapoSaNa nahIM karate the? tumheM bhI usI taraha ghara-bAra samhAlanA caahie|" Adi-maine vinaya-pUrvaka uttara diyA-- " maiM to vahI kAma kara rahA hUM, jo pitAjI karate the| yadi kuTuMbakI vyAkhyA hama jarA vyApaka kara deM to mere isa kAryakA aucitya turaMta Apake khayAla meM A jAyagA / " aba bhAI sAhabane merI AzA chor3a dii| karIba-karIba a-bolA hI rakkhA / mujhe isase duHkha huA; paraMtu jisa bAtako maiMne apanA dharma mAna liyA use yadi chor3atA hUM to usase bhI adhika duHkha hotA thaa| ataeva maiMne isa thor3e duHkhako sahana kara liyaa| phira bhI bhAI sAhabake prati merI bhakti usI taraha nirmala aura pracaMDa rhii| maiM jAnatA thA ki bhAI sAhabake isa duHkhakA mUla hai unakA prema-bhAva / unheM rupaye-paisekI apekSA mere sadvyavahArakI adhika cAha thii| para apane aMtima dinoMmeM bhAI sAhaba mujhapara pasIja gaye the| jaba vaha mRtyu-zavyApara the taba unhoMne mujhe sUcita karAyA ki merA kArya hI ucita aura dharmya thA / unakA patra bar3A hI karuNAjanaka thA / yadi pitA putrase mAphI mAMga sakatA ho to unhoMne usameM mujhase mAphI mAMgI thii| likhA ki mere lar3akoMkA tuma apane DhaMgase lAlana-pAlana aura zikSaNa krnaa| vaha mujhase milane ke lie bar3e adhIra ho gaye the| mujhe tAra diyaa| maiMne tAra dvArA uttara diyA-- 'jarUra aajaaie|'

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adhyAya 6 : nirAmiSAhArako vedIpara 267 para hamArA milApa Izvarako maMjUra na thA / apane putroMke lie jo icchA unhoMne pradarzita kI thI vaha bhI pUrI na huii| bhAI sAhabane dezameM hI apanA zarIra chor3A thaa| lar3akoMpara unake pUrvajIvanakA asara par3a cukA thaa| unake saMskAroM meM parivartana na ho paayaa| maiM unheM apane pAsa na khIMca skaa| isameM unakA doSa nahIM hai| svabhAvako kauna badala sakatA hai ? balavAna saMskAroMko kauna miTA sakatA hai ? hama aksara yaha mAnate haiM ki jisa taraha hamAre vicAroMmeM parivartana ho jAtA hai, hamArA vikAsa ho jAtA hai, usI taraha hamAre Azrita logoM yA sAthiyoMmeM bhI ho jAnA cAhie; para yaha mithyA mAtA-pitA honevAloMkI jimmedArI kitanI bhayaMkara hai, yaha bAta isa udAharaNase kucha samajhameM pA sakatI hai / nirAmiSAhArakI vedIpara jIvanameM jyoM-jyoM tyAga aura sAdagI bar3hatI gaI aura dharma-jAgRtikI vRddhi hotI gaI; tyoM-tyoM nirAmiSAhArakA aura usake pracArakA zauka bar3hatA gyaa| pracAra meM eka hI tarahase karanA jAnatA hUM--prAcArake dvArA aura prAcArake sAtha-hI-sAtha jijJAsuke sAtha vArtAlApa karake / johAnsabargameM eka nirAmiSAhArI-gRha thaa| usakA saMcAlaka eka jarmana thA, joki kunekI jalacikitsAkA kAyala thaa| maiMne vahAM jAnA zurU kiyA aura jitane aMgreja mitroMko vahAM le jA sakatA thA, le jAtA thA; paraMtu maiMne dekhA ki yaha bhojanAlaya bahuta dinoM taka nahIM cala sakegA; kyoMki rupaye-paisekI taMgI usameM rahA hI karatI thii| jitanA mujhe vAjiba mAlUma hunA, maiMne usameM madada dii| kucha gaMvAyA bhii| aMtako yaha baMda ho gyaa| thiyaoNsaphisTa vahatere nirAmipAhArI hote haiM; koI pUre aura koI adhuure| isa maMDala meM eka bahana sAhasI thii| usane bar3e paimAnepara eka nirAmiSa-bhojanAlaya kholaa| yaha bahana kalA-rasika thI, zAhakharca thI, aura hisAba-kitAbakA bhI bahuta khayAla na rakhatI thii| usake

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268 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 mitra-maMDalakI saMkhyA acchI kahI jA sakatI thii| pahale to usakA kAma choTe paimAne para zurU huA; paraMtu bAdako usane bar3hAnekA aura bar3I jagaha le jAnekA nizcaya kiyA / isa kAma meM usane merI sahAyatA cAhI / usa samaya usake hisAbaaaranI hAlatakA mujhe kucha patA na thA / maiMne mAna liyA ki usake hisAba aura aTakala meM koI bhUla na hogI / mere pAsa rupaye-paisekI suvidhA rahatI thii| bahutere mavakkiloM ke rupaye mere pAsa rahate the / unameM se eka sajjanakI ijAjata lekara lagabhaga eka hajAra pauMDa maiMne use de diyA / yaha mavakkila bar3e udAra hRdayaaura vizvAsazIla the / vaha pahale-pahala giramiTa Aye the / unhoMne kahA"bhAI, ApakA dila cAhe to paise de do| maiM kucha nahIM jAnatA / maiM to Apa hI ko jAnatA hUM / " unakA nAma thA badarI / unhoMne satyAgraha meM bahuta yoga diyA thA / jela bhI kATI thI / itanI sammati pAkara hI maiMne usameM rupaye lagA diye / dotIna mahIne meM hI maiM jAna gayA ki ye rupaye vApasa grAnevAle nahIM haiM; itanI bar3I rakama kho denekA sAmarthya mujhameM na thA / maiM isa rakamako dUsare kAmameM lagA sakatA thA / vaha rakama Akhira usImeM DUba gaI; paraMtu maiM isa bAta ko kaise gavArA kara sakatA thA ki usa vizvAsI badarIkA rupayA calA jAya ? vaha to mujhako hI pahacAnatA thA / apane pAsase maiMne yaha rakama bhara dI / eka mavakkila mitrase maiMne rupaye kI bAta kI / unhoMne mujhe mIThA ulAhanA dekara saceta kiyA -- "bhAI, (dakSiNa aphrIkA meM maiM 'mahAtmA' nahIM bana gayA thA aura na 'bApU' hI banA thA, mavakkila mitra mujhe 'bhAI' se hI saMbodhana karate the / ) Apako aise jhagar3oMmeM na par3anA cAhie / hama to Thahare Apake vizvAsapara calane vAle / ye rupaye prApako vApasa nahIM milaneke / badarIko to grApa bacAloge; para ApakI rakama baTTe khAte meM samajhie / para aise sudhArake kAmoMmeM yadi prApa mavakkiloMkA rupayA lagAne lageMge to mavakkila becAre pisa jAyaMge aura Apa bhikhArI banakara ghara baiTha raheMge / isase Apake sArvajanika kAmako bhI dhakkA pahuMcegA / sadbhAgya se yaha mitra bhI maujUda haiN| dakSiNa aphrIkA meM tathA dUsarI jagaha inase adhika svaccha AdamI maiMne dUsarA nahIM dekhA / kisIke prati yadi unake manameM saMdeha utpanna hotA aura bAdako unheM mAlUma ho jAtA ki vaha be ""

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adhyAya 7 : miTTI aura pAnIke prayoga 266 buniyAda thA to turaMta jAkara usase mAphI mAMgate aura apanA dila sApha kara lete / mujhe inakI yaha cetAvanI bilakula ThIka mAlUma huI / badarIkA rupayA to maiM cukA sakA thA, paraMtu yadi usa samaya aura eka hajAra pauMDa barabAda kiyA hotA to usako cukAne kI haisiyata merI bilakula nahIM thI / aura mAthe karja hI karanA par3atA / karjake cakkara meM maiM apanI jiMdagI meM kabhI nahIM par3A aura usase mujhe hamezA aruci hI rahI hai| isase maiMne yaha sabaka sIkhA ki sudhAra kAryoM ke lie bhI hameM apanI tAkata ke bAhara pAMva na bar3hAnA caahie| maiMne yaha bhI dekhA ki isa kArya meM gItA ke taTastha niSkAma karmake mukhya pAThakA anAdara kiyA thaa| isa bhUlane prAgeko mere lie prakAza staMbhakA kAma diyA / nirAmiSAhAra ke pracArakI vedIpara itanA balidAna karanA par3egA, isakA anumAna mujhe na thA / mere lie yaha jabaradastIkA puNya thA / 60 miTTI aura pAnIke prayoga jyoM-jyoM mere jIvanameM sAdagI bar3hatI gaI tyoM-tyoM bImAriyoMke lie davA lene kI ora jo aruci mujhe pahale hIse thI vaha bhI bar3hatI gaI / jaba maiM Darabana meM vakAlata karatA thA taba DAkTara prANajIvanadAsa mehatA mujhase milane Aye the / usa samaya mujhe kamajorI rahA karatI thI aura kabhI-kabhI badana sUja bhI jAyA karatA thA / usakA ilAja unhoMne kiyA thA aura usase mujhe lAbha bhI huA thA / isake bAda deza jAne taka mujhe nahIM yAda par3atA ki mujhe kahane lAyaka koI bImArI ho / paraMtu johAnsabarga meM mujhe kabja rahA karatA thA aura jaba-taba sira meM bhI darda huA karatA thA | idhara-udhara kI dastAvara davAyeM le lAkara tabiyatako samhAlatA rahatA thA / khAne-pIne meM to maiM parahejagAra zurUse hI rahA hUM; para usase maiM kataI roga mukta nahIM huA / mana barAbara yaha kahatA rahatA thA ki isa davA ke jaMjAlase chUTa jAUM to bar3A kAma ho / lagabhaga isI samaya maiMcesTara meM 'no brekaphAsTa esosiezana' kI sthApanAke samAcAra maiMne par3he / usakI khAsa

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270 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 dalIla yaha thI ki aMgreja loga bahuta bAra khAte haiM aura bahuterA khA jAte haiM, rAtake bAraha-bAraha bajetaka khAyA karate haiM aura phira DAkTaroMkA ghara khojate phirate haiN| isa bakher3ese yadi koI apanA piMDa chur3AnA cAheM to unheM breka-phAsTa arthAt subahakA nAztA chor3a denA cAhie / yaha bAta mujhapara sarvAMzameM to nahIM para kucha aMzameM jarUra ghaTita hotI thii| maiM tIna bAra peTa bharakara khAtA aura dopaharako cAya bhI piitaa| maiM kabhI alpAhArI na thaa| nirAmiSAhArI hote hue bhI aura binA masAlekA khAnA khAte hue bhI maiM jitanI ho sake cIjoMko svAdiSTa banAkara khAtA thaa| chaH-sAta bajeke pahale zAyada hI kabhI uThatA / isase maiMne yaha natIjA nikAlA ki yadi meM bhI subahakA khAnA chor3a dU to jarUra mere sirakA darda jAtA rahe / maiMne aisA hI kiyA bhii| kucha dina jarA muzkila to mAlUma par3A; para sAtha hI sirakA darda bilakula calA gyaa| isase mujhe nizcaya ho gayA ki merI khurAka jarUra AvazyakatAse adhika thii| paraMtu kabjakI zikAyata to isa parivartanase bhI dUra nahIM huI / kunake kaTisnAnakA prayoga kiyaa| usase kucha pharka par3A; para jitanA cAhie utanA nhiiN| isI arasemeM usa jarmana bhojanAlayavAlene yA kisI dUsare mitrane mere hAthameM jusTa-likhita 'riTarna TU necara' (kudaratakI ora lauTo) nAmaka pustaka lAkara dii| usameM miTTIke ilAjakA varNana thA / lekhakane isa bAtakA bhI bahuta samarthana kiyA hai ki hare aura sUkhe phala hI manuSyakA svAbhAvika bhojana hai| kevala phalAhArakA prayoga to maiMne isa samaya nahIM kiyA; para miTTIkA ilAja turaMta zurU kara diyaa| usakA jAdUkI taraha mujhapara asara huaa| usakI vidhi isa prakAra hai-khetoMkI sApha lAla yA kAlI miTTI lAkara use AvazyakatAnusAra ThaMDe pAnImeM bhigo lenA caahie| phira sApha patale bhIge kapar3e meM lapeTakara peTapara rakhakara bAMdha lenA caahie| maiM yaha paTTI rAtako sote samaya bAMdhatA aura subaha athavA rAtako jaba nIMda khula jAtI nikAla ddaaltaa| isase merA kabja nirmUla ho gyaa| usake bAda maiMne miTTIke ye prayoga khuda apanepara tathA apane sAthiyoMpara kie hai; kiMtu mujhe aisA yAda par3atA hai ki zAyada hI kabhI unase lAbha na pahuMcA ho| para, hAM, yahAM dezama pAneke bAda aise upacAroMparase maiM Atma-vizvAsa /

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adhyAya 7 : miTTI aura pAnIke prayoga 271 kho baiThA huuN| prayoga karanekA, eka jagaha sthira hokara baiThanekA mujhe avasara bhI nahIM mila sakA hai / phira bhI miTTI aura pAnI ke upacAroMpara merA vizvAsa bahutAMzameM utanA hI banA huA hai, jitanA ki AraMbha meM thA / prAja bhI eka sImAke aMdara rahakara khuda apane para miTTI ke prayoga karatA hUM aura maukA par3a jAnepara apane sAthiyoMko bhI unakI salAha detA huuN| maiM apanI jiMdagI meM do bAra bahuta sakhta vImAra par3a cukA huuN| phira bhI merI yaha dRDha dhAraNA hai ki manuSyako davA lene kI zAyada hI AvazyakatA hotI hai / pathya aura pAnI, miTTI ityAdike gharelU upacAroMse hI hajAra meM nau-sau ninyAnave bImAriyAM acchI ho sakatI haiM / bAra-bAra vaidya, hakIma yA DAkTarake yahAM daur3a-daur3akara jAnese aura zarIra meM aneka cUrNa aura rasAyana bharanese manuSya apane jIvanako kama kara detA hai / itanA hI nahIM, balki apane manaparase apanA adhikAra bhI kho baiThatA hai / isase vaha apane manuSyatvako bhI gaMvA detA hai aura zarIrakA svAmI rahane ke bajAya usakA gulAma bana jAtA hai / yaha adhyAya meM roga-zayyApara par3A huA likha rahA hUM | isase koI ina vicAroMkI avahelanA na kreN| apanI bImAriyoMke kAraNoMkA mujhe patA hai / maiM apanI hI kharAbiyoMke kAraNa bImAra par3A hUM, isa bAtakA jJAna aura bhAna mujhe hai aura maiM isI kAraNa apanA dhIraja nahIM chor3a baiThA hUM / isa bImArIko maiMne IzvarakA anugraha mAnA hai aura davA-dArU karaneke lAlacoMse dUra rahA hUM / maiM yaha bhI jAnatA hUM ki maiM apanI isa haThadharmake kAraNa apane DAkTara mitroMkA jI ukatA detA hUM; para ve udAra bhAva se merI haThako sahana kara lete haiM aura mujhe chor3a nahIM dete para mujhe apanI vartamAna sthitikA laMbA-caur3A varNana karanekI yahAM grAzyakatA nahIM | isalie aba hama phira 1904-5 meM thA jAveM / paraMtu isa viSaya meM Age bar3hanese pahale pAThakako eka cetAvanI denA jarUrI hai / isako par3hakara jo loga jusTakI pustaka leM, ve usakI saba bAtoMko vedavAkya na samajha leM / sabhI lekhoM aura pustakoMmeM lekhakakI dRSTi prAyaH ekAMgI rahatI hai / mere khayAlameM haraeka cIja kama-se-kama sAta dRSTividuyoMse dekhI jA sakatI hai aura una una dRSTibiMduoM ke anusAra vaha bAta saca bhI hotI hai;

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272 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 paraMtu yaha yAda rakhanA cAhie ki sabhI dRSTibiMdu eka hI samaya aura eka hI mukAmapara sahI nahIM hote / phira kitanI hI pustakoMmeM vikrIke aura nAmake lAlacakI burAI bhI rahatI hai / isalie jo sajjana isa pustakako par3hanA cAheM ve ise vivekapUrvaka par3heM aura yadi koI prayoga karanA cAheM to kisI anubhavIkI salAhase kareM, yA dhIraja rakhakara vizeSa abhyAsa karaneke bAda prayogakI zuruAta kareM / 8 eka cetAvanI apanI isa kathA dhArA pravAhako philahAla eka adhyAyataka rokakara pahale isI viSayapara kucha dhaura rozanI DAlanekI AvazyakatA hai / pichale adhyAyameM miTTIke prayogoM ke saMbaMdha meM maiMne jo kucha likhA hai usI taraha bhojanake bhI prayoga maiMne kiye haiM / isalie unake saMbaMdha meM bhI yahAM kucha likha DAlanA ucita hai / isa viSayakI aura jo kucha bAteM haiM ve prasaMga-prasaMgapara sAmane zrAtI jAyeMgI / bhojana-saMbaMdhI mere prayogoM aura vicAroMkA savistAra varNana yahAM nahIM kiyA jA sakatA; kyoMki isa viSayapara maiMne apanI 'Arogya saMbaMdhI sAmAnyajJAna' nAmaka pustaka meM vistAra - pUrvaka likhA hai / yaha pustaka maiMne 'iMDiyana propIniyana' ke lie likhI thI / merI choTI-choTI pustikAoM meM yaha pustaka pazcimameM tathA yahAM bhI sabase adhika prasiddha huI hai / isakA kAraNa maiM Ajataka nahIM samajha sakA huuN| yaha pustaka mahaja 'iMDiyana opIniyana' ke pAThakoMke lie hI likhI gaI thI; paraMtu use par3hakara bahutere bhAIbahanoMne apane jIvanameM parivartana kiyA hai aura mere sAtha ciTThI-patrI bhI kI hai, aura kara rahe haiN| isalie usake saMbaMdha meM yahAM kucha likhanekI AvazyakatA paidA ho gaI hai / isakA kAraNa yaha hai ki yadyapi usameM likhe apane vicAroMko badalanekI AvazyakatA mujhe abhItaka nahIM dikhAI par3I hai, phira bhI apane pracArameM maiMne bahuta kucha parivartana kara liyA hai, jise isa pustakake bahutere par3hane vAle nahIM jAnate aura yaha Avazyaka hai ki ve jaldI jAna leM /

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adhyAya : eka cetAvanI 273 isa pustakako maiMne dhArmika bhAvanA se prerita hokara likhA hai, jisa taraha ki maiMne aura lekha bhI likhe haiM aura yahI dharma bhAva mere pratyeka kAryameM zrAja bhI vartamAna hai / isalie isa bAtapara mujhe bar3A kheda rahatA hai aura bar3I zarmaM mAlUma hotI haiM ki Aja maiM usameMse kitane hI vicAroMpara pUrA amala nahIM kara sakatA hUM / merA dRr3ha vizvAsa hai ki manuSya jabataka bAlaka rahatA hai tabataka mAtAkA jitanA dUdha pI letA hai, usake alAvA phira use dUsare dUdhakI AvazyakatA nahIM hai / manuSyakA bhojana hare aura sUkhe vana- pake phalake sivA aura dUsarA nahIM hai / bAdAmAdi bIja tathA aMgUrAdi phaloMse use zarIra aura buddhike poSaNa ke lie Avazyaka dravya mila jAte haiM / jo manuSya aise bhojanapara raha sakatA hai usake lie brahmacaryAdi Atma-saMyama bahuta AsAna ho jAtA hai / 'jaisA AhAra taisI DakAra', ' jaisA bhojana taisA jIvana' isa kahAvatameM bahuta tathya hai / yaha mere tathA mere sAthiyoMke anubhavakI bAta hai| ina vicAroMkA savistara pratipAdana maiMne apanI ArogyasaMbaMdhI uparyukta pustaka meM kiyA hai / paraMtu merI takadIra meM yaha nahIM likhA thA ki hiMdustAna meM apane prayogoMko pUrNatAka pahuMcA dUM / kher3A jilemeM sainya bhartIkA kAma kara rahA thA ki apanI eka bhUlakI badaulata mRtyu-zayyApara jA par3A / vinA dUdhake jIvita rahane ke lie maiMne abataka bahutere niSphala prayatna kiye haiN| jina-jina vaidya - DAkTaroM aura rasAyanazAstriyoMse merI jAna-pahacAna thI, una sabase maiMne madada maaNgii| kisIne mUMgakA pAnI, kisI ne mahuekA tela, kisIne bAdAmakA dUdha sujhAyA / ina tamAma cIjoM kA prayoga karate hue maiMne apane zarIrako nicor3a DAlA; paraMtu unase meM rogazayyAse na uTha sakA / vaidyoMne to mujhe caraka ityAdise aise pramANa bhI khojakara batAye ki roganivAraNake lie khAdyAkhAdyameM doSa nahIM, aura kAma par3anepara mAMsAdi bhI khA sakate haiN| ye vaidya bhalA mujhe dUdha tyAganepara majabUta bane rahane meM kaise madada de sakate the ? jahAM 'bIpha TI' aura 'barAMDI' bhI jAyaja samajhI jAtI ho, vahAM mujhe dUdhatyAgameM kahAM madada mila sakatI hai ? gAya-bhaiMsakA dUdha to maiM le hI nahIM sakatA thA; kyoMki maiMne vrata le rakkhA thaa| vratakA hetu to yahI thA ki dUdha mAtra chor3a dU~ ; paraMtu vrata lete samaya mere sAmane gAya aura bhaiMsa mAtA hI thI, isa kAraNa tathA jIvita

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274 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 rahane kI AzAme manako jyoM-tyoM karake phusalA liyaa| isase vratake akSarArthako le bakarIkA dUdha lenekA nizcaya kiyA, yadyapi bakarI-mAtAkA dUdha lete samaya bhI merA mana kaha rahA thA ki vratakI AtmAkA yaha hanana hai / para mujhe to raulaTa-aikTa ke khilApha AMdolana khar3A karanA thaa| yaha moha mujhe nahIM chor3a rahA thaa| isase jInekI bhI icchA banI rahI aura jise maiM apane jIvanakA mahA prayoga mAnatA hUM, vaha bAta ruka gaI / . 'khAne-pIne ke sAtha AtmAkA kucha saMbaMdha nhiiN| vaha na khAtI hai na pItI hai| jo cIja peTameM jAtI hai vaha nahIM, balki jo vacana aMdarase nikalate haiM ve lAbhahAni karate haiM, ityAdi dalIloMko maiM jAnatA huuN| inameM tathyAMza hai ; paraMtu dalIloMke jhagar3e meM par3e binA hI yahAM to maiM apanA nizcaya hI likha rakhanA cAhatA hUM ki jo manuSya Izvarase Darakara calanA cAhatA hai, jo IzvarakA pratyakSa darzana karanA cAhatA hai, usa sAdhaka yA mumukSuke lie apanI khurAkakA cunAva, tyAga aura grahaNautanA hI Avazyaka hai jitanA ki vicAra aura vAcAkA cunAva, tyAga aura grahaNa Avazyaka hai| para jina bAtoMmeM maiM khuda gira gayA hUM unameM dUsaroMko maiM apane sahAre calanekI salAha na duuNgaa| yahI nahIM, balki calanese rokuugaa| isa kAraNa 'ArogyasaMbaMdhI sAmAnya jJAna ke AdhArapara prayoga karanevAle bhAI-bahanoMko maiM sAvadhAna kara denA cAhatA huuN| jaba dUdhakA tyAga sarvAMzameM lAbhadAyaka mAlUma ho athavA anubhavI vaidya-DAkTara usake chor3anekI salAha deM taba to ThIka, nahIM to sirpha merI pustaka par3hakara koI sajjana dUdha na chor3a deN| hiMdustAnakA merA anubhava abataka to mujhe yahI batAtA hai ki jinakI jaTharAgni maMda ho gaI ho aura jo bichaunepara hI par3e rahane lAyaka ho gaye haiM unake lie dUdhake barAbara halakA aura poSaka padArtha dUsarA nhiiN| isalie pAThakoMse merI vinatI aura salAha hai ki isa pustakameM jo dUdhakI maryAdA sUcita kI gaI hai, usapara ve prArUr3a na rheN| ___ ina prakaraNoMko par3anevAle koI vaidya, DAkTara, hakIma yA dUsare anubhavI sajjana dUdhakI evajameM utanI hI poSaka aura pAcaka vanaspati----kevala apane adhyayanake AdhArapara nahIM balki ; anubhavake AdhArapara--jAnate hoM to mujhe .. sUcita kara upakRta kreN|

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adhyAya : jabaradasta se mukAbalA 275 jabaradasta se mukAbalA aba eziyAI karmacAriyoMkI ora nigAha DAleM / ina karmacAriyoMkA sabase bar3A thAnA johAnsabarga meM thA / maiM dekhatA thA ki ina thAnoMmeM hiMdustAnI, . cInI Adi logoMkA rakSaNa nahIM, balki bhakSaNa hotA thA / mere pAsa roja zikAyateM zrAtI ---- "jina logoMko mAnekA adhikAra hai ve to dAkhila nahIM ho sakate aura jinheM adhikAra nahIM hai ve sau-sau pauMDa dekara Ate rahate haiM / isakA ilAja yadi Apa na kareMge to kauna karegA ?" merA bhI mana bhItarase yahI kahatA thA / vaha burAI yadi dUra na huI to merA TrAMsavAlameM rahanA bekAra samajhanA cAhie / maiM isake sabUta ikaTThe karane lgaa| jaba mere pAsa kAphI sabUta jamA ho gae taba maiM pulisa kamiznara ke pAsa pahuMcA / mujhe aisA pratIta huA ki usameM dayA aura nyAyakA bhAva hai| merI bAtoMko ekadama ur3A deneke vajAya usane mana lagAkara sunIM aura kahA ki inakA sabUta peza kiijie| maiMne jo gavAha peza kiye unake bayAna usane khuda liye / use merI bAta kA itamInAna ho gayA; paraMtu jaisA ki maiM jAnatA thA vaise hI vaha bhI jAnatA thA ki dakSiNa aphrIkA meM gore paMcoMke dvArA gore aparAdhiyoMko daMDa dilAnA muzkila thA para usane kahA- 26 ' lekina phira bhI hameM apanI taraphase to koziza karanI cAhie / isa bhaya se ki ye aparAdhI jyUrIke hAthoM chUTa jAyaMge, unheM giraphtAra na karAnA bhI ThIka nhiiN| maiM to unheM jarUra pakar3avA lUMgA / 11 mujhe to vizvAsa thA hii| dUsare aphasaroMke Upara bhI mujhe zaka to thA; lekina mere pAsa unake khilApha koI sabala pramANa nahIM thA / doke viSayameM to mujhe lezamAtra saMdeha na thA / isalie una donoMke nAma vAraMTa jArI hue / merA kAma to aisA hI thA, jo chipA nahIM raha sakatA thA / bahuta-se loga yaha dekhate the ki maiM prAyaH roja pulisa kamiznara ke pAsa jAtA hUM / ina do karmacAriyoMke choTe-bar3e kucha jAsUsa lage hI rahate the / ve mere daphtarake AsapAsa maMDarAyA karate aura mere prAne jAneke samAcAra una karmacAriyoMko sunAte rahate /

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276 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 yahAM mujhe yaha bhI kaha denA cAhie ki una karmacAriyoMkI jyAdatI yahAMtaka bar3ha gaI ki unheM bahuta jAsUsa nahIM milate the / hiMdustAniyoM aura cIniyoMkI yadi mujhe madada na milatI to ye karmacArI nahIM pakar3e jA sakate the / una do karmacAriyoMmeM se eka bhAga niklaa| pulisa kamiznarane usake nAma bAharakA vAraMTa nikAlakara use pakar3a maMgAyA aura mukadamA calA / sabUta bhI kAphI pahuMca gayA thA / idhara jyUrIke pAsa ekake bhAga jAnekA to pramANa bhI thA / phira bhI ve donoM barI ho gaye / isase maiM svabhAvataH bahuta nirAza huaa| pulisa kamiznara ko bhI duHkha huA / vakIloMke rojagArake prati mere mana meM ghRNA utpanna huI / buddhikA upayoga parAko chipAne meM dekha mujhe yaha buddhi hI khalane lagI / una donoM karmacAriyoMke aparAdhakI zoharata itanI phaila gaI thI ki unake chUTa jAnepara bhI sarakAra unheM apane padapara na rakha skii| ve donoM apanI jagahase nikAle gaye / isase eziyAI thAne kI gaMdagI kucha kama huI aura logoMko bhI aba dhIraja baMdhA aura himmata bhI AI / isase merI pratiSThA bar3ha gii| merI vakAlata bhI camakI / logoMke jo saikar3oM pauMDa rizvatameM jAte the, ve sabake saba nahIM to bhI bahuta adhika baca ge| rizvatakhora to aba bhI hAtha mAra hI lete the; para yaha kahA jA sakatA hai| ki ImAnadAra logoMke lie apane ImAnako kAyama rakhanekI suvidhA ho gaI thI / ve karmacArI itane adhama the; lekina, maiM kaha sakatA hUM, unake prati mere manameM kucha bhI vyaktigata durbhAva nahIM thA / mere isa svabhAvako ve jAnate the aura jaba unakI asahAya avasthAmeM sahAyatA karanekA mujhe avasara milA to maiMne unakI sahAyatA bhI kI hai| johAnsabargakI myunisipailiTI meM yadi maiM unakA virodha na karUM to unheM naukarI mila sakatI thI / isake lie unakA eka mitra mujhase milA aura maiMne unheM naukarI dilAne meM madada karanA maMjUra kiyA / aura unakI naukarI laga bhI gaI / isakA yaha asara huA ki jina gore logoMke saMparka meM maiM prAyA ve mere viSayameM niHzaMka hone lage / yadyapi unake mahakamoMke viruddha mujhe kaI bAra lar3anA par3atA, kaThora zabda kahane par3ate, phira bhI ve mere sAtha madhura saMbaMdha rakhate

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adhyAya 10 : eka puNyasmaraNa aura prAyazcitta 277 the| aisA bartAva karanA merA svabhAva hI bana gayA hai, isakA jJAna mujhe usa samaya na thaa| aisA bartAva satyAgrahakI jar3a hai, yaha ahiMsAkA hI eka aMga-vizeSa hai, yaha to mai bAdako samajha pAyA huuN| manuSya aura usakA kAma ye do judA cIjeM haiN| acche kAmake prati manameM aAdara aura bureke prati tiraskAra avazya hI honA cAhie; para acche-bure kAma karane vAle ke prati hamezA manameM aAdara athavA dayAkA bhAva honA caahie| yaha bAta samajhane meM to bar3I sarala hai; lekina usake anusAra mAcaraNa bahuta hI kama hotA hai| isIse jagatmeM hama itanA jahara phailA huA dekhate haiM / satyakI khojake mUla meM aisI ahiMsA vyApta hai / yaha maiM pratikSaNa anubhava karatA hUM ki jabataka yaha ahiMsA hAtha na lagegI tabataka satya hAtha nahIM A sktaa| kisI taMtra yA praNAlIkA virodha to acchA hai; lekina usake saMcAlakakA virodha karanA mAno khuda apanA hI virodha karanA hai| kAraNa yaha hai ki hama sabakI sRSTi eka hI kUcIke dvArA huI hai| hama saba eka hI brahmadevakI prajA hai| saMcAlaka arthAt usa vyaktike aMdara to anaMta zakti bharI huI hai; isalie yadi hama usakA anAdara--tiraskAra kareMge to usakI zaktiyoMkA, guNoMkA bhI anAdara hogaa| aisA karane se to usa saMcAlakako evaM prakArAMtarase sAre jagatko hAni pahuMcegI / 10 eka puNyasmaraNa aura prAyazcitta mere jIvanameM aisI aneka ghaTanAeM hotI rahI haiM, jinake kAraNa maiM vividha dharmiyoM tathA jAtiyoMke nikaTa paricayameM A sakA huuN| ina saba anubhavoMparase yaha kaha sakate haiM ki maiMne gharake yA bAharake, dezI' yA videzI, hiMdU yA musalamAna tathA IsAI, pArasI yA yahUdiyoMse bheda-bhAvakA khayAla taka nahIM kiyaa| maiM kaha sakatA hUM ki merA hRdaya isa prakArake bheda-bhAvako jAnatA hI nhiiN| isako maiM apanA eka guNa nahIM mAnatA hUM; kyoMki jisa prakAra ahiMsA, brahmacarya, aparigrahAdi

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 yama-niyamoMke abhyAsakA tathA unake lie aba bhI prayatna karate rahanekA pUrNa jJAna mujhe hai usI prakAra isa bheda-bhAvako bar3hAne ke lie maiMne koI khAsa prayatna kiyA hai, aisA yAda nahIM par3atA / jisa samaya DarabanameM meM vakAlata karatA thA usa samaya bahuta bAra mere kArakuna mere sAtha hI rahate the / ve hiMdU aura IsAI hote the, athavA prAMtoMke hisAba se kaheM to gujarAtI aura madrAsI / mujhe yAda nahIM AtA ki kabhI unake viSayameM mere manameM bheda-bhAva paidA huA ho| maiM unheM bilakula gharake hI jaisA. samajhatA aura usameM merI dharmapatnI kI orase yadi koI vighna upasthita hotA to maiM usase lar3atA thA / merA eka kArakuna IsAI thA / usake mAM-bApa paMcama jAtike the / hamAre gharakI banAvaTa pazcimI DhaMgakI thI / isa kAraNa kamaremeM morI nahIM hotI thI -- aura na honI cAhie thI, aisA merA mata hai / isa kAraNa kamaroMmeM moriyoMkI jagaha pezA ke lie eka alaga bartana hotA thA / use uThAkara rakhanekA kAma hama donoM -- daMpatIkA thA, naukaroMkA nhiiN| hAM, jo kArakuna loga apane ko hamArA kuTuMbI-sA mAnane lagate the ve to khuda hI use sApha kara bhI DAlate the; lekina paMcama jAtimeM janmA yaha kArakuna nayA thaa| usakA bartana hameM hI uThAkara sApha karanA cAhie thA / aura bartana to kastUrabAI uThAkara sApha kara detI ; lekina ina bhAIkA bartana uThAnA use asahya mAlUma huA / isase hama donoMmeM jhagar3A macA / yadi maiM uThAtA hUM to use acchA nahIM mAlUma hotA thA / aura khuda usake lie uThAnA kaThina thaa| phira bhI prAMkhoMse motIkI bUMdeM Tapaka rahI haiM, eka hAtha meM bartana liye apanI lAla-lAla prAMkhoMse ulAhanA detI huI kastUrabAI sIr3hiyoMse utara rahI haiM ! vaha citra meM Aja bhI jyoM-kA-tyoM khIMca sakatA hUM / paraMtu maiM jaisA sahRdaya aura premI pati thA vaisA hI niSThura aura kaThora bhI thaa| maiM apaneko usakA zikSaka mAnatA thA / isase, apane graMthapremake adhIna ho, maiM use khUba satAtA thA / isa kAraNa mahaja usake baratana uThA le jAne bharase mujhe saMtoSa na huA / maiMne yaha bhI cAhA ki vaha haMsate aura harakhate hue use le jAya / isalie maiMne use DAMTA-DapaTA bhI / maiMne uttejita hokara kahA -- "dekho, yaha bakher3A mere gharameM na cala sakegA / 17 merA yaha bola kastUrabAIko tIrakI taraha lagA / usane dhadhakate dilase 27=

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adhyAya 10 : eka puNyasmaraNa aura prAyazcitta 274 kahA--" to lo, rakho yaha apanA ghara ! maiM calI !" usa samaya meM Izvarako bhUla gayA thaa| dayAkA lezamAtra mere hRdaya meM na raha gayA thaa| maiMne usakA hAtha pkdd'aa| sIr3hI ke sAmane hI bAhara jAnekA daravAjA thaa| maiM usa dIna avalAkA hAtha pakar3akara daravAjetaka khIMcakara le gyaa| daravAjA aAdhA kholA hogA ki aAMkhoMmeM gaMgA-jamunA bahAtI huI kastUrabAI bolI "tumheM to kucha garama hai nahIM; para mujhe hai| jarA to ljaayo| maiM bAhara nikalakara Akhira jAUM kahAM? mAM-bApa bhI yahAM nahIM ki unake pAsa calI jaauuN| maiM ThaharI strI-jAti / isalie mujhe tumhArI dhauMsa sahanI hI pdd'egii| aba jarA zarama karo aura daravAjA baMda kara lo---koI dekha legA to donoMkI phajIhata hogii|" maiMne apanA ceharA to surkha banAye rakkhA; para manameM zaramA jarUra gayA / daravAjA baMda kara diyaa| jabaki patnI mujhe chor3a nahIM sakatI thI taba maiM bhI use chor3akara kahAM jA sakatA thA? isa taraha hamAre Apasa meM lar3AI-jhagar3e kaI bAra hue haiM; paraMtu unakA pariNAma sadA acchA hI nikalA hai| unameM patnIne apanI adbhuta sahanazIlatA ke dvArA mujhapara vijaya prApta kI hai / ye ghaTanAeM hamAre pUrva-yugakI haiM, isalie unakA varNana maiM Aja aliptabhAvase karatA huuN| Aja maiM tabakI taraha mohAMdha pati nahIM hUM, na usakA zikSaka hI huuN| yadi cAheM to kastUravAI Aja mujhe dhamakA sakatI haiM / hama Aja ekadUsareke bhukta-bhogI mitra haiM, eka-dUsareke prati nirvikAra rahakara jIvana bitA rahe haiN| kastUravAI Aja aisI sevikA bana gaI haiM, jo merI bImAriyoM meM binA pratiphalakI icchA kiye sevA-zuzrUSA karatI haiM / yaha ghaTanA 1898kI hai| usa samaya mujhe brahmacarya-pAlanake viSaya meM kucha jJAna na thaa| vaha samaya aisA thA jabaki mujhe isa bAta kA spaSTa jJAna na thA ki patnI to kevala samiNI, sahacAriNI aura sukha-duHkhako sAthina hai / maiM yaha samajhakara baratAva karatA thA ki patnI viSaya-bhogakI bhAjana hai, usakA janma patikI hara tarahakI AjJAoMkA pAlana karaneke lie huA hai| kiMtu 1900 I0se mere ina vicAroM meM gaharA parivartana huaa| 1906meM uttakA pariNAma prakaTa huaa| paraMtu isakA varNana Age prasaMga mAnepara hogaa|

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280 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 yahAM to sirpha itanA batAnA kAphI hai ki jyoM-jyoM maiM nirvikAra hotA gayA tyoM-tyoM merA ghara-saMsAra zAMta, nirmala aura sukhI hotA gayA aura aba bhI hotA jAtA hai / isa puNya smaraNa se koI yaha na samajha leM ki hama Adarza daMpatI haiM, athavA merI dharma-patnImeM kisI kismakA doSa nahIM hai, athavA hamAre Adarza aba eka ho gaye haiM / kastUrabAI apanA svataMtra Adarza rakhatI haiM yA nahIM, yaha to vaha becArI khuda bhI zAyada na jAnatI hoNgii| bahuta saMbhava hai ki mere AcaraNakI bahuterI bAteM use aba bhI pasaMda na prAtI hoM; paraMtu aba hama unake bAremeM eka-dUsarese carcA nahIM karate, karane meM kucha sAra bhI nahIM hai / use na to usake mAM-vApane zikSA dI hai, na maiMne hI / jaba samaya thA, zikSA de sakA; paraMtu usameM eka guNa bahuta bar3e parimANa meM hai, jo dUsarI kitanI hI hiMdU striyoMmeM thor3I-bahuta mAtrAmeM pAyA jAtA hai | manase hI yA be - manase, jAnameM ho yA anajAna meM mere pIche-pIche calane meM usane apane jIvanakI sArthakatA bhAnI hai aura svaccha jIvana bitAneke mere prayatna meM usane kabhI bAdhA nahIM DAlI / isa kAraNa yadyapi hama donoMkI buddhi-zaktimeM bahuta aMtara hai, phira bhI merA khayAla hai ki hamArA jIvana saMtoSI, sukhI aura UrdhvagAmI hai| 11 aMgrejoMse gAr3ha paricaya isa adhyAyataka pahuMcanepara, aba aisA samaya A gayA haiM jaba mujhe pAThakoM ko batAnA cAhie ki satyake prayogoMkI yaha kathA kisa taraha likhI jA rahI hai / jaba kathA likhanekI zuruAta kI thI taba mere pAsa usakA koI DhAMcA taiyAra na thA / na apane sAtha pustakeM, DAyarI athavA dUsare kAgaja patra rakhakara hI ina adhyAyoMko likha rahA huuN| jisa dina likhane baiThatA hUM usa dina aMtarAtmA jaisI preraNA karatI hai, vaisA likhatA jAtA huuN| yaha to nizcayapUrvaka nahIM kaha sakatA ki jo kiyA mere aMdara calatI rahatI hai vaha aMtarAtmAkI hI preraNA hai; paraMtu varasoMse meM jo apane choTe-choTe aura bar3e-bar3e kahe jAnevAle kArya karatA AyA hUM unakI jaba chAnabIna karatA hUM to mujhe yaha kahanA anucita nahIM mAlUma hotA ki ve aMtarAtmAkI

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adhyAya 11 : aMgrejoM se gAr3ha paricaya 281 preraNA hI phala haiM / aMtarAtmAko na to maiMne dekhA hai, na jAnA hai / saMsArakI Izvarapara jo zraddhA hai use maiMne apanI banAlI hai / yaha zraddhA aisI nahIM hai jo kisI prakAra miTAI jA sake | isalie aba vaha mere najadIka zraddhA nahIM; balki anubhava ho gayA haiM / phira bhI anubhava ke rUpameM usakA paricaya karAnA eka prakArase satyapara prahAra karatA hU~ / isalie yahI kahanA zAyada adhika ucita hogA ki usake zuddha rUpakA paricaya denevAlA zabda mere pAsa nahIM hai / merI yaha dhAraNA hai ki isI zradRSTa aMtarAtmAke vazavata hokara maiM yaha kathA likha rahA hUM / pichalA adhyAya jaba maiMne zurU kiyA taba usakA nAma rakhA thA -- 'aMgrejoMse paricaya'; paraMtu usa adhyAyako likhate hue maiMne dekhA ki usa paricayakA varNana karane ke pahale mujhe 'puNyasmaraNa' likhane kI AvazyakatA hai / taba 'puNyasmaraNa' likhA aura bAdako usakA vaha pahalA nAma badalanA par3A / ava isa prakaraNako likhate hue phira eka nayA dharma-saMkaTa paidA ho gayA haiM / aMgrejoMke paricayoM kA varNana karate samaya kyA-kyA likhUM aura kyA-kyA na likhUM, yaha mahattvakA prazna upasthita ho gayA hai / yadi Avazyaka bAta na likhI jAya to satyako dAga laga jAnekA aMdezA hai; paraMtu saMbhava hai ki isa kathAkA likhanA bhI Avazyaka na ho aisI dazAmeM Avazyaka aura anAvazyaka jhagar3ekA nyAya sahasA kara denA kaThina ho jAtA hai / AtmakathAeM itihAsake rUpameM kitanI apUrNa hotI haiM aura unake likhane meM kitanI kaThinAiyAM AtI haiM-- isake viSaya meM pahale maiMne kahIM par3hA thA; para usakA artha maiM Aja adhika acchI taraha samajha rahA hUM / satyake prayogoMkI isa zrAtmakathAmeM maiM ve sabhI bAteM nahIM likha rahA hUM jinheM maiM jAnatA hUM / kauna kaha sakatA hai| ki satyako darzAne ke lie mujhe kitanI bAteM likhanI caahieN| yA yoM kaheM ki ekatarphA adhUre sabUtakI nyAya - maMdirameM kyA kImata ho sakatI hai ? ina pichale prakaraNoMpara yadi koI phurasatavAlA AdamI mujhame jiraha karane lage to na jAne kitanI rozanI ina prakaraNAMpara par3a sakatI hai ? aura yadi phira eka AlocakakI dRSTise koI usakI chAnabIna kare to vaha kitanI hI 'pola' kholakara duniyAko haMsA sakatA hai aura khuda phUlakara kuppA bana sakatA hai /

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202 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 ina bAtoMpara jaba vicAra uThane lagate haiM to aisA mAlUma hotA hai ki ina adhyAyoMko likhanekA vicAra sthagita kara diyA jAya to kyA ThIka na hogA ? paraMtu jabataka yaha sApha taurapara na mAlUma ho ki svIkRta athavA AraMbhita kArya anItimaya hai tabataka use na chor3anA caahie| isa nyAyake AdhArapara jabataka aMtarAtmA mujhe na roke tabataka ina adhyAyoMko likhate jAnekA nizcaya kAyama rakhatA huuN| ___ yaha kathA TIkAkAroMko saMtuSTa karane ke lie nahIM likhI jAtI hai| satyake prayogoMmeM ise bhI eka prayoga hI samajha lenA caahie| phira isameM yaha dRSTi to hai hI ki mere sAthiyoMko isake dvArA kucha-na-kucha AzvAsana milegaa| isakA prAraMbha hI unake saMtoSake lie kiyA hai| svAmI AnaMda aura jayarAmadAsa mere pIche na par3ate to isakI zuruAta bhI zAyada hI ho pAtI ! isa kAraNa yadi isa kathA likhane meM kucha burAI hotI ho to isake doSa-bhAgI ve bhI haiM / aba isa adhyAyake mUla viSayapara AtA huuN| jisa taraha maiMne hiMdustAnI kArakunoM tathA dUsare logoMko apane gharameM bataura kuTuMbIke rakkhA thA, usI taraha * aMgrejoMko bhI rakhane lgaa| merA yaha vyavahAra mere sAtha rahane vAle dUsare logoMke lie anukUla na thA; paraMtu maiMne usakI paravA na karake unheM rakkhA / yaha nahIM kahA jA sakatA ki sabako isa taraha rakhakara maiMne hamezA buddhimAnIkA hI kAma kiyA hai| kitane hI logoMse aisA saMbaMdha bAMdhanekA kaTu anubhava bhI huA hai; paraMtu aise anubhava to kyA dezI yA kyA videzI sabake saMbaMdhameM hue haiN| una kaTu anubhavoMpara mujhe pazcAttApa nahIM huA hai| kaTu anubhavoMke hote rahate bhI aura yaha jAnate hue bhI ki dUsare mitroMko asuvidhA hotI hai, unheM kaSTa sahanA par3atA hai, maiMne apane isa ravaiyeko nahIM badalA, aura mitroMne merI isa jyAdatIko udAratApUrvaka sahana kiyA hai / naye-naye logoMse bAMdhe gaye aise saMbaMdha jaba-jaba mitroMke lie kaSTadAyI sAbita hue haiM taba-taba unhIMko maiMne bekhaTake kosA hai; kyoMki maiM yaha mAnatA hUM ki Astika manuSya to apane aMtarastha Izvarako sabameM dekhanA cAhatA hai aura isalie usake aMdara sabake sAtha aliptatAse rahanekI kSamatA avazya AnI cAhie aura usa zaktiko prApta karanekA upAya hI yaha hai ki jaba-jaba aise anacAhe avasara bhAveM taba-taba unase dUra na bhAgate hue naye-naye saMbaMdhoMmeM par3eM aura phira bhI

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adhyAya 12 : aMgrejoMse paricaya ( cAlU ) apaneko rAga-dveSase Upara uThAe rakkheM / isa kAraNa jaba boara-briTiza-yuddha zurU huA taba yadyapi merA mAga ghara bharA huA thA, tathApi maiMne johAnsabargase pAye do aMgrejoM ko apane yahAM rakkhA / donoM thiyaoNsaphisTa the| unameM se ekakA nAma thA kicana. jinake bAremeM hameM aura Age jAnanA hogaa| ina mitroMke sahavAsane bhI dharmapatnIko rulAkara chor3A thaa| mere nimitta roneke avasara usakI takadIrameM bahutere Aye haiN| vinA kisI parade yA parahejake itanaM nikaTa-saMbaMdha aMgrejoMko gharameM rakhanekA yaha pahalA avasara thaa| hAM, iMglaiMDama alabattA meM unake gharoM meM rahA thA; para vahAM to maiMne apaneko unakI rahana-sahanake anukUla banA liyA thA aura vahAMkA rahanA lagabhaga vaisA hI thA jaisA ki hoTala meM rahanA; para yahAMkI hAlata vahAMse ulaTI thii| ye mitra mere kuTuMbI banakara rahe the / bahutAMza meM unhoMne bhAratIya rahana-sahanako apanA liyA thaa| mere gharakA bAharI sAja-sAmAna yadyapi aMgrejI DhaMgakA thA phira bhI bhItarI rahana-sahana aura khAna-pAna aAdi pradhAnataH hiMdustAnI thaa| yadyapi mujhe yAda par3atA hai ki unake rakhane se hameM bahuterI kaThinAiyAM paidA huI thIM; phira bhI maiM yaha kaha sakatA hUM ki ve donoM sajjana hamAre gharake dUsare logoMke sAtha mila-jula gaye the| DarabanakI apekSA johAnsabargake ye saMbaMdha bahuta Agetaka gaye the / aMgrejoMse paricaya (cAlU) ___ johAnsabargameM mere pAsa eka bAra cAra hiMdustAnI muMzI ho gaye the| unheM muMzI kahUM yA beTA kahUM, yaha kahanA kaThina hai; paraMtu itanese merA kAma na claa| TAipiMgake binA kAma cala hI nahIM sakatA thaa| hamameM se sirpha mujhako hI TAipiMgakA thor3A jJAna thaa| so ina cAra yuvakoMmeMse doko TAipiMga sikhAyA; paraMtu ve aMgrejI kama jAnate the| isase unakA TAipiMga kabhI zuddha aura acchA na ho skaa| phira inhIMmeMse mujhe hisAba lekhaka taiyAra karanA thaa| idhara neTAlase maiM apane mana-mAphika kisIko bulA nahIM sakatA thA; kyoMki paravAneke bagaira

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284 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 koI hiMdustAnI vahAM thA nahIM sakatA thA aura apanI suvidhAke lie maiM rAjakarmacAriyoMse kRpA - bhikSA mAMgane ko taiyAra na thA / isase maiM soca meM par3a gyaa| kAma itanA bar3ha gayA ki pUrI-pUrI mehanata karanepara bhI idhara vakAlatakA aura udhara sArvajanika kAmakA bhAra samhAla nahIM pAtA thA / aMgreja kArakuna -- phira vaha strI ho yA puruSa -- mila jAnese bhI merA kAma cala sakatA thA; para zaMkA yaha thI ki 'kAle' AdamI ke pAsa bhalA koI gorA kaise naukarI karegA ? paraMtu maiMne taya kiyA ki kama-se-kama koziza to kara dekhanI cAhie / TAipa rAiTaroMke ejeMTase merA kucha paricaya thA / maiM usase milA aura kahA ki yadi koI TAipisTa bhAI yA bahana aisA ho jise 'kAle' AdamI ke yahAM kAma karane meM koI ujra na ho to mere lie talAza kara deM / dakSiNa aphrIkA meM laghu-lekhana (zorTahaiMDa ) athavA TAipiMgakA kAma karanevAlI adhikAMza meM striyAM hI hotI haiM / pUrvokta ejeMTane mujhe zrAzvAsana diyA ki maiM eka zorTahaiMDa - TAipisTa Apako khoja dUMgA / misa Dika nAmaka eka skaoNca kumArI usake hAtha lagI / vaha hAla hI skATalaiMDa se AI thii| jahAM bhI kahIM prAmANika naukarI mila jAya vahAM karanemeM use koI Apatti na thI / use kAmameM laganekI bhI jaldI thI / usa ejeMTane usa kumArikAko mere pAsa bhejA / use dekhate hI merI najara usa para Thahara gaI / maiMne usase pUchA 88 'tumako eka hiMdustAnI ke yahAM kAma karanemeM Apatti to nahIM hai ? "" usane dRr3hatA ke sAtha uttara diyA- "bilakula nahIM / 88 kyA vetana logI ? " 88 'sAr3he satraha pauMDa adhika to na hoMge ? 66 'tumase maiM jisa kAmakI AzA rakhatA hUM vaha ThIka-ThIka kara dogI to itanI rakama bilakula jyAdA nahIM hai / tuma kaba kAmapara A sakogI ?" 11 'Apa cAheM to abhI / " isa bahanako pAkara meM bar3A prasanna huA aura usI samaya use apane sAmane baiThakara ciTThiyAM likhavAne lagA / isa kumArIne akele mere kArakunakA hI nahIM balki sagI lar3akI yA bahanakA bhI sthAna. mere najadIka sahaja hI prApta

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adhyAya 12 : aMgrejoMse paricaya ( cAlU ) 285 kara liyaa| mujhe use kabhI kisI bAtapara DAMTanA-DapaTanA nahIM pdd'aa| zAyada hI kabhI usake kAmameM galatI nikAlanI par3I ho / hajAroM pauMDake dena-lenakA kAma ekavAra usake hAthameM thA aura usakA hisAba-kitAba bhI vahI rakhatI thii| vaha hara tarahase mere vizvAsakI pAtra ho gaI thii| yaha to ThIka; para maiM usakI guhyatama bhAvanAoMko jAnane yogya usakA vizvAsa prApta kara sakA thA aura yaha mere najadIka eka bar3I bAta thii| apanA jIvana-sAthI pasaMda karane meM usane merI salAha lI thii| kanyAdAna karanekA saubhAgya bhI mujhIko prApta huA thaa| misa Dika jaba miseja bhaikaDaoNnalDa ho gaIM taba unheM mujhase alaga honA Avazyaka thaa| phira bhI, vivAhake bAda bhI, jaba-jaba jarUrata hotI, mujhe unase sahAyatA milatI thI / paraMtu daphtarameM eka zorTaha~Da-rAiTarakI jarUrata to thI hii| vaha bhI pUrI ho gii| usa bahanakA nAma thA misa zlezina / mi0 kailanabeka use mere pAsa lAye the| mi0 kailanabekakA paricaya pAThakoMko Age milegaa| yaha bahana Aja TrAMsavAlameM kisI hAIskUlameM zikSikAkA kAma karatI haiN| jaba mere pAsa yaha AI thI taba usakI umra 17 varSakI hogii| usakI kitanI hI vicitratAmoMke Age maiM aura mi0 kailanabeka hAra khA jaate| vaha naukarI karane nahIM AI thii| use to anabhava prApta karanA thaa| usake ragorezemeM kahIM raMga-dveSakA nAma na thaa| na use kisIkI paravA hI thii| vaha kisIkA apamAna karanese bhI nahIM hicakatI thii| apane manameM jisake saMbaMdhameM jo vicAra Ate hoM vaha kaha DAlane meM jarA saMkoca na rakhatI thii| apane isa svabhAvake kAraNa vaha kaI bAra mujhe kaThinAiyoMmeM DAla detI thI; paraMtu usakA hRdaya zuddha thA, isase kaThinAiyAM dUra bhI ho jAtI thiiN| usakA aMgrejI jJAna maiMne apane se hamezA acchA mAnA thA, phira usakI vaphAdArIpara bhI merA pUrNa vizvAsa thaa| isase usake TAipa kiye hue kitane hI patroMpara binA doharAye dastakhata kara diyA karatA thA / usake tyAga-bhAvakI sImA na thii| bahuta samayataka to usane mujhase sirpha 6 pauMDa mahInA hI liyA aura aMtameM jAkara 10 pauMDase adhika lenese sApha inkAra kara diyaa| yadi maiM kahatA ki jyAdA le lo to mujhe DAMTa detI aura kahatI-- "maiM yahAM vetana lene nahIM AI huuN| mujhe to Apake Adarza priya haiN| isa kAraNa maiM Apake sAtha raha rahI huuN|"

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 eka bAra grAvazyakatA par3anepara mujhase usane 40 pauMDa udhAra liye the-aura pichale sAla sArI rakama usane mujhe lauTA dI / tyAga-bhAva usakA jaisA tIvra thA vaisI hI usakI himmata bhI jabaradasta thI ! mujhe sphaTikakI taraha pavitra aura vIratA meM kSatriyako bhI lajjita karanevAlI jina mahilAyoMse milanekA saubhAgya prApta huA hai unameM maiM isa bAlikAkI ginatI karatA hUM / Aja to vaha praur3ha kumArikA hai / usakI vartamAna mAnasika sthiti se maiM paricita nahIM hUM; paraMtu isa bAlikAkA anubhava mere lie sadA eka puNyasmaraNa rahegA aura yadi maiM usake saMbaMdha meM apanA anubhava na prakAzita karUM to maiM satyakA drohI banUMgA / kAma karane meM vaha na dina dekhatI thI na rAta / rAtameM jaba bhI kabhI ho kelI calI jAtI aura yadi maiM kisIko sAtha bhejanA cAhatA to lAla-pIlI prAMkheM dikhAtI / hajAroM javAMmarda bhAratIya use pradarakI dRSTise dekhate the aura usakI bAta mAnate the| jaba hama saba jela meM the, jabaki jimmedAra AdamI zAyada hI koI bAhara rahA thA taba usa akelI ne sArI lar3AIkA kAma samhAla liyA thA / lAkhoMkA hisAba usake hAthameM, sArA patra-vyavahAra usake hAthameM aura 'iMDiyana opiniyana' bhI usIke hAthameM -- aisI sthiti A pahuMcI thI; para vaha thakanA nahIM jAnatI thI / misa ilezinake bAremeM likhate hue maiM thaka nahIM sakatA; para yahAM to sirpha gokhalekA pramANapatra dekara isa adhyAyako samApta karatA hUM | gokhalene mere tamAma sAthiyoMse paricaya kara liyA thA aura isa paricayase unheM bahutoM se bahuta saMtoSa huA thaa| unheM sabake caritra ke bAremeM aMdAja lagAne kA zauka thA / mere tamAma bhAratIya aura yUropIya sAthiyoMmeM unhoMne misa zlezinako pahalA naMbara diyA thA / " itanA tyAga, itanI pavitratA, itanI nirbhayatA aura itanI kuzalatA maiMne bahuta kama logoM meM dekhI hai / merI najara meM to misa zlezinakA naMbara tumhAre saba sAthiyoM meM pahalA hai / 33 286

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adhyAya 13 : ' iMDiyana opIniyana ' 13 287 'iMDiyana gropIniyana' abhI aura yUropiyanoMke gAr3ha paricayakA varNana karanA bAkI hai; kiMtu usake pahale do-tIna jarUrI bAtoM kA ullekha kara denA Avazyaka hai / eka paricaya to yahIM detA huuN| akelI misa Dikake hI grA jAnese merA kAma pUrA nahIM ho sakatA thA / mi0 rIcakA jikra maiM pahale kara cukA huuN| usake sAtha to merA khAsA paricaya thA hI / vaha eka vyApArI gaddI ke vyavasthApaka the / maiMne unheM sujhAyA ki vaha usa kAmako chor3akara mere sAtha kAma kreN| unheM yaha pasaMda huA aura vaha mere daphtara meM kAma karane lage / isase mere kAmakA bojha halakA huA / isI aranene zrI sadanajItane iMDiyana propIniyana' nAmaka akhabAra nikAlane kA irAdA kiyaa| unhoMne usameM merI salAha aura madada maaNgii| chApAkhAnA to unakA pahalese hI cala rahA thA / isalie akhabAra nikAlane ke prastAvase maiM sahamata ho gayA / vasa 1904 meM 'iMDiyana gropIniyana' kA janma ho gayA / * manasukhalAla nAgare usake saMpAdaka hue; para saca pUchie to saMpAdakakA asalI bojha mujhapara hI yA pdd'aa| mere nasIba meM to hamezA prAyaH dUra rahakara hI patrasaMcAlanakA kAma rahA hai / para yaha bAta nahIM ki manasukhalAla nAjara saMpAdanakA kAma nahIM kara sakate the| vaha desake kitane hI akhavAroMmeM likhA karate the; paraMtu dakSiNa aphrIkAke aTapaTe praznoMpara mere maujUda rahate hue svataMtra rUpa se lekha likhane kI himmata unheM na huI | merI vivekazIlatA para unakA pratizaya vizvAsa thA / isalie jina-jina viSayoMpara likhanA Avazyaka hotA unapara lekhAdi likhane kA bojha vaha mujhapara rakha dete / 'iMDiyana gropIniyana' sAptAhika thA aura Aja bhI hai / pahale-pahalabaha gujarAtI, hiMdI, tamila aura aMgrejI ina cAra bhASAoM meM nikalatA thA paraMtu maiMne dekhA ki tamila aura hiMdI vibhAga nAma mAtra ke lie the| maiMne yaha bhI

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 anubhava kiyA ki unake dvArA bhAratIyoMkI sevA nahIM ho rahI thI / ina vibhAgoM ko kAyama rakhane meM mujhe jhUThakA grAzraya lenekA grAbhAsa huA-- isa kAraNa unheM baMda karake zAMti prApta kI / 288 mujhe yaha khayAla na thA ki isa akhabAra meM mujhe rupayA bhI lagAnA par3egA; paraMtu thor3e hI araseke bAda maiMne dekhA ki yadi maiM usameM rupayA nahIM lagAtA hUM to vaha bilakula cala hI nahIM sakatA thA / yadyapi usakA saMpAdaka maiM na thA phira bhI bhAratIya aura gore saba loga isa bAtako jAna gaye the ki usake lekhoMkI jimmedArI mujhapara hai / phira agara akhavAra nahIM nikalA hotA to eka bAta thI; para nikala cukane ke bAda usake baMda honese sAre bhAratIya samAjakI badanAmI hotI thI aura use hAni pahuMcane kA bhI pUrA bhaya thA / isalie maiM usameM rupaye lagAtA gayA aura aMtako yahAMtaka naubata A gaI ki mere pAsa jo kucha baca jAtA thA saba usake arpaNa hotA thA / aisA bhI samaya mujhe yAda hai jaba usameM prati mAsa 75 pauMDa mujhe bhejanA par3atA thA / paraMtu itanA arasA ho jAne ke bAda mujhe pratIta hotA hai ki isa akhabAra ke dvArA bhAratIya samAjakI acchI sevA huI hai / usake dvArA dhana upArjana karanekA to irAdA TheTase hI kisIkA na thA / jabataka usakA sUtra mere hAthameM thA tabataka usameM jo kucha parivartana hue ve mere jIvana ke parivartanoMke sUcaka the / jisa prakAra Aja 'yaMga iMDiyA' aura 'navajIvana' mere jIvanake kitane aMzakA nicor3a haiM usI prakAra 'iMDiyana opIniyana' bhI thA / usameM maiM prati saptAha apanI AtmAko uMDelatA aura usa cIjako samajhAne kA prayatna karatA jise maiM satyAgrahake nAma se pahacAnatA thA / jelake dinoMko chor3akara dasa varSataka arthAt 1914takake 'iMDiyana propIniyana' kA zAyada hI koI aMka aisA gayA ho jisameM maiMne eka bhI zabda binA vicAre, binA taule likhA ho athavA mahaja kisIko khuza karane ke lie likhA ho yA jAna-bUjhakara atyukti kI ho | yaha akhabAra mere lie saMyamakI tAlImakA kAma detA thA, mitroMke lie mere vicAra jAnanekA sAdhana ho gayA thA aura TIkAkAroMko usameMse TIkA karane kI sAmagrI bahuta thor3I mila sakatI thii| maiM jAnatA hUM ki usake lekhoMkI badaulata TIkAkAroMko apanI kalamapara aMkuza rakhanA par3atA thA / yadi yaha akhabAra na hotA to satyAgraha-saMgrAma na cala sakatA / pAThaka ise apanA

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adhyAya 13 : 'iMDiyana opIniyana' 286 patra samajhate the aura isameM unheM satyAgraha-saMgrAmakA tathA dakSiNa aphrIkA-sthita hiMdustAniyoMkI dazAkA saccA citra dikhAI par3atA thA / isa patrake dvArA mujhe raMga-biraMge manuSya-svabhAvako parakhane kA bahuta avasara milaa| isake dvArA maiM saMpAdaka aura grAhakake bIca nikaTa aura svaccha saMbaMdha bAMdhanA cAhatA thaa| isalie mere pAsa Dhera-kI-Dhera ciTThiyAM aisI AtI jinameM lekhaka apane aMtarako mere sAmane kholate the| isa silasile meM tIkhe, kaDue, mIThe tarahatarahake patra aura lekha mere pAsa aate| unheM par3anA, unapara vicAra karanA, unake vicAroMkA sAra nikAlakara unheM javAba denA, yaha mere lie bar3A zikSAdAyaka kAma ho gayA thaa| isake dvArA mujhe aisA anubhava hotA thA mAno maiM vahAMkI bAtoM aura vicAroMko apane kAnoMse sunatA huuN| isase maiM saMpAdakakI jimmedArIko khUba samajhane lagA aura apane samAjake logoMpara jo niyaMtraNa merA ho sakA usake badaulata bhAbI saMgrAma zakya, suzobhita aura prabala huaA / ___ 'iMDiyana opIniyana ke prathama mAsake kArya-kAlameM hI mujhe yaha anubhava ho gayA thA ki samAcAra-patroMkA saMcAlana sevA-bhAvase hI honA caahie| samAcAra-patra eka bhArI zakti hai ; paraMtu jisa prakAra niraMkuza jala-pravAha kaI gAMvoMko Dubo detA aura phasalako naSTa-bhraSTa kara detA hai usI prakAra niraMkuza kalamakI dhArA bhI satyAnAza kara detI hai| yaha aMkuza yadi bAharI ho to vaha isa niraMkuzatAse bhI adhika jaharIlA sAbita hotA hai / ataH lAbhadAyaka to aMdarakA hI aMkuza ho sakatA hai| yadi isa vicAra-taraNimeM koI doSa na ho to, bhalA batAie, saMsArake kitane akhabAra kAyama raha sakate haiM ? paraMtu savAla yaha hai ki aise phijUla akhabAroMko baMda bhI kauna kara sakatA hai ? aura kauna kisako phijUla batA sakatA hai ? saca vAta yaha hai ki kAmakI aura phijUla do bAteM saMsArameM eka sAtha calatI rheNgii| manuSyake basameM to sirpha itanA hI hai ki vaha apane lie pasaMdagI kara liyA kre|

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260 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 'kulI lokezana' yA bhaMgI-TolA ? hiMdustAna meM hama una logoMko jo sabase bar3I samAja-sevA karate haiM, bhaMgI, mehatara, der3a Adi kahate haiM aura unheM achUta mAnakara unake makAna gAMvake bAhara banavAte haiN| unake nivAsa sthAna ko bhaMgI-TolA kahate haiM aura usakA nAma lete hI hameM ghina Ane lagatI hai| isI taraha IsAiyoMke yUropameM eka jamAnA thA jaba yahUdI loga achUta mAne jAte the aura unake lie jo alaga muhallA basAyA jAtA thA use 'beTo' kahate the| yaha nAma amaMgala samajhA jAtA thaa| isI prakArase dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM hama hiMdustAnI loga vahAMke bhaMgI--aspRzya--bana gaye haiN| aba yaha dekhanA hai ki eMDarUja sAhabane hamAre lie vahAM jo tyAga kiyA hai aura zAstrIjI ne jo jAdUkI lakar3I ghumAI hai usake phala-svarUpa hama vahAM achUta na rahakara sabhya mAne jAyaMge yA nahIM ? hiMduoMkI taraha yaha bhI apaneko Izvarake lADale mAnate the aura dUsaroMko heya samajhate the| apane isa aparAdhakI sajA unheM vicitra aura akalpita rItise milii| lagabhaga isI taraha hiMduoMne bhI apaneko saMskRta athavA Arya samajhakara khuda apane hI eka aMgako prAkRta, anArya yA achUta mAna rakkhA hai / isa pApakA phala ve vicitra rItise--cAhe vaha anucita rItise kyoM na ho--dakSiNa aphrIkA ityAdi upanivezoMmeM pA rahe haiM aura maiM mAnatA hUM ki usameM unake par3osI musalamAna aura pArasI bhI, joki unhIMke raMga aura dezake haiM, unake sAtha duHkha bhoga rahe haiM / __ aba pAThaka kucha samajha sakeMge ki kyoM yaha eka adhyAya johAnsabargake 'kulI lokezana para likhA jA rahA hai| dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM hama hiMdustAnI loga 'kulI'ke nAmase 'prasiddha' haiN| bhAratameM to 'kulI' zabdakA artha hai sirpha majadUra; paraMtu dakSiNa aphrIkA meM vaha tiraskArasUcaka hai aura yaha tiraskAra bhaMgI, camAra, paMcama ityAdi zabdoMke dvArA hI vyakta kiyA jA sakatA hai| dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM jo sthAna 'kuliyoM ke rahane ke lie alaga rakkhA jAtA hai use 'kulI lokezana' kahate haiM / aisA eka lokezana johAnsabargameM thaa| dUsarI jagaha to jo lokezana'

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adhyAya 14 : 'kulI lokezana' yA bhaMgI-TolA ? 291 rakkhaM gaye aura aba bhI haiM vahAM hiMdustAniyoMko koI haka-milkiyata nahIM hai; paraMtu johAnsabarga ke isa lokezanameM jamInakA 99 sAlakA paTTA kara diyA gayA thaa| isameM hiMdustAniyoMkI bar3I gicapica vastI thii| AbAdI to bar3hatI jAtI thI; kiMtu lokezana jitanekA utanA hI banA thaa| usake pAkhAne to jyoM-tyoM karake sApha kiye jAte the; paraMtu isake alAvA myunisipailiTIkI taraphase aura koI dekhabhAla nahIM hotI thii| aisI dazAmeM sar3aka aura rozanIkA to patA hI kaise cala sakatA thA ? isa taraha jahAM logoMke pAkhAne-pezAvakI saphAIke viSayameM hI paravAha nahIM kI jAtI thI vahAM dUsarI saphAIkA to pUchanA hI kyA ? phira jo hiMdustAnI vahAM rahate the ve nagara-sudhAra, svacchatA, Arogya ityAdike niyamoMke jAnakAra suzikSita aaura Adarza bhAratIya nahIM the ki jinheM myunisipailiTIkI sahAyatA kI' athavA unakI rahana-sahanapara dekhabhAla karanekI jarUrata na thii| hAM, yadi vahAM aise bhAratavAsI jA base hote jo jaMgala meM maMgala kara sakate haiM, jo miTTImeMse mevA paidA kara sakate haiM taba to unakA itihAsa judA hI hotaa| aise bahu-saMkhyaka. loga duniyAmeM kahIM bhI deza chor3akara videzoMmeM mAre-mAre phirate dekhe hI nahIM jAte / Ama taurapara loga dhana aura dhaMdhe ke lie videzoMmeM bhaTakate haiM; paraMtu hiMdustAnase to vahAM adhikAMzameM apar3a, garIba, dIna-dukhI' majUra loga hI gaye the| inheM to kadama-kadamapara rahanumAI aura rakSaNakI AvazyakatA thii| hAM, unake pIche vahAM vyApArI tathA dUsarI zreNiyoMke svataMtra bhAratavAsI bhI gaye; paraMtu ve to unake mukAbilemeM muTThI-bhara the| isa taraha svacchatA-rakSaka vibhAgakI akSamya gaphalatase aura bhAratIya nivAsiyoMke ajJAnase lokezanakI sthiti ArogyakI dRSTise avazya bahuta kharAba thii| use sudhAranekI jarA bhI ucita koziza sudhAra-vibhAgane nahIM kii| itanA hI nahIM, balki apanI hI isa galatI se utpanna kharAbIkA bahAnA banAkara usane isa lokezanako miTA denekA nizcaya kiyA aura usa jamInapara kabjA kara lenekI sattA vahAMkI dhArA-sabhAse prApta kara lii| jaba maiM johAnsabargameM rahane gayA taba vahAMkI yaha sthiti ho rahI thii| vahAMke nivAsI apanI-apanI jamInake mAlika the| isalie unheM kucha harjAnA denA jarUrI thA ! harajAnekI rakama taya karaneke lie eka khAsa

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262 Atma-kathA: bhAga 4 paMcAyata baiThAI gaI thii| myunisipailiTI jitanA harajAnA denA cAhatI utanI rakama yadi makAna-mAlika lenA maMjUra na kare to usakA phaisalA yaha paMcAyata karatI aura mAlikako vaha maMjUra karanA pdd'taa| yadi paMcAyata myUnisipailiTIse jyAdA rakama denA taya kare to makAna mAlikake vakIlakA kharca myUnisipailiTIko cukAnA par3atA thA / aise bahutere dAvoMmeM makAna-mAlikoMne mujhe apanA vakIla banAyA thaa| para maiM isake dvArA rupayA paidA karanA nahIM cAhatA thaa| maiMne unase pahale hI kaha diyA thA--"yadi tumhArI jIta hogI to myUnisipailiTIkI aorase kharcako jokucha rakama milegI usIpara maiM saMtoSa kara luuNgaa| tuma to mujhe phI paTTA dasa pauMDa de denA, basa / phira tumhArI jIta ho yA hAra / " isameMse bhI lagabhaga AdhI rakama garIboMke lie aspatAla banavAne yA aise hI kisI sArvajanika kAmameM lagAnekA apanA irAdA maiMne unapara prakaTa kara diyA thA / svabhAvataH hI isase . saba loga bahuta khuza hue / lagabhaga 70 dAvoMmeM sirpha ekameM mere mavakkilakI hAra huii| isase phIsameM mujhe bhArI rakama mila gii| paraMtu isI samaya 'iMDiyana opIniyana'kI mAMga mere sirapara savAra hI thii| isalie mujhe yAda par3atA hai ki lagabhaga 1600 pauMDakA caika usImeM kAma A gayA thA / ina dAvoMkI pairavImeM maiMne apane khayAlake anusAra kAphI parizrama kiyA thaa| mavakkiloMkI to mere Asa-pAsa bhIr3a hI lagI rahataM thii| inameMse lagabhaga saba yA to bihAra ityAdi uttara taraphake yA tAmila-telagU ityAdi dakSiNa pradezake loga the / ve pahalI giramiTameM Aye the aura aba mukta hokara svataMtra pezA kara rahe the / ina logoMne apane duHkhoMko miTAneke lie, bhAratIya vyApArI-vargase alaga apanA eka maMDala banAyA thaa| usameM kitane hI bar3e sacce dilake, udArabhAva rakhanevAle aura saccaritra bhAratavAsI the| unake adhyakSakA nAma thA zrI jerAmasiMha aura adhyakSa na rahate hue bhI adhyakSake jaise hI dUsare sajjana the zrI bdrii| aba donoM svargavAsI ho cuke haiN| donoMkI taraphase mujhe atizaya sahAyatA milI thii| zrI badarIke paricayameM maiM bahuta jyAdA AyA thA aura unhoMne satyAgrahameM Age bar3hakara hissA liyA thaa| ina tathA aise bhAiyoMke dvArA maiM uttara-dakSiNake

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adhyAya 15 : mahAmArI-1 293 baha-saMkhyaka bhAratavAsiyoMke gAr3ha saMparka meM AyA aura maiM kevala unakA vakIla hI nahIM, balki bhAI banakara rahA aura unake tInoM prakArake duHkhoMmeM unakA sAjhI huaa| seTha abdullAne mujhe 'gAMdhI' nAmase saMbodhana karanese inkAra kara diyA / aura 'sAhaba to mujhe kahatA aura mAnatA hI kauna ? isalie unhoMne eka bar3A hI priya zabda DhUMr3ha nikaalaa| mujhe ve loga 'bhAI' kahakara pukArane lge| yaha nAma aMtataka dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM calA / para jaba ye giramiTamukta bhAratIya mujhe 'bhAI' kahakara bulAte taba mujhe usameM eka khAsa miThAsa mAlUma hotI thii| 15 mahAmArI--1 isa lokezanakA kabjA myUnisipaliTIne le to liyA; paraMtu turaMta hI hiMdustAniyoMko vahAMse haTAyA nahIM thaa| hAM, yaha taya jarUra hogayA thA ki unheM dUsarI anukUla jagaha de dI jaaygii| abataka myUnisipailiTI vaha jagaha nizcita na kara pAI thii| isa kAraNa bhAratIya loga usI 'gaMde' lokezana meM rahate the| isase do bAtoMmeM pharka huA / eka to yaha ki bhAratavAsI mAlika na rahakara sudhAravibhAgake kirAyedAra bane, aura dUsare gaMdagI pahalese adhika bar3ha gaI / isase pahale to bhAratIya loga mAlika samajhe jAte the, isase ve apanI rAjIse nahIM to Darase hI para kucha-na-kucha to saphAI rakhate the; kiMtu aba 'sudhArakA kise Dara thA ? makAnoMmeM kirAyedAroMkI bhI tAdAda bar3hI aura usake sAtha hI gaMdagI aura avyavasthA-kI bhI bar3hatI huii| yaha hAlata ho rahI thI, bhAratavAsI apane manameM jhallA rahe the ki ekAeka 'kAlA plega' phaila niklaa| yaha mahAmArI mAraka thii| yaha phephar3ekA plega thA aura gAMThavAle plegakI apekSA bhayaMkara samajhA jAtA thaa| kiMtu khuzakismatIse isa plegakA kAraNa yaha lokezana na thA, balki eka sonekI khAna thI / johAnsabargake AsapAsa sonekI aneka khAneM haiN| unameM adhikAMza habzI loga kAma karate haiN| unakI saphAIkI jimmedArI thI sirpha gore mAlikoMke sira / ina khAnopara kitane hI hiMdustAnI bhI kAma karate the| unameMse teIsa AdamI ekAeka plegake

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264 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 zikAra hue aura apana bhayaMkara avasthA lekara ve lokezana meM apane ghara prAye / 16 ina dinoM bhAI madanajIta 'iMDiyana opIniyana ke grAhaka banAne aura caMdA vasUla karane yahAM Aye hue the / vaha lokezanameM cakkara lagA rahe the / vaha kAphI himmatavara the / ina bImAroMko dekhate hI unakA dila TUka-TUka hone lagA / unhoMne mujhe peMsila se likhakara eka ciTa bhejI, jisakA bhAvArtha yaha thA-'yahAM ekAeka kAlA plega phaila gayA hai / Apako turaMta yahAM Akara kucha sahAyatA karanI cAhie nahIM to bar3I kharAbI hogii| turaMta grAie / " madanajItane bedhar3aka hokara eka khAlI makAnakA tAlA tor3a DAlA aura usameM ina bImAroMko lAkara rakkhA / maiM sAikilapara car3hakara 'lokezana' meM phuNcaa| vahAMse TAuna-klarkako khabara bhejI aura kahalAyA ki kisa hAlata meM makAnakA tAlA tor3a lenA par3A / DAkTara viliyama gADaphre johAnsabarga meM DAkTarI karate the / vaha khabara milate hI daur3e prAye aura bImAroMke DAkTara aura paricAraka donoM bana gaya / paraMtu bImAra the teIsa aura sevaka the hama tIna / itane se kAma calanA kaThina thA / anubhavoMke AdhArapara merA yaha vizvAsa bana gayA hai ki yadi nIyata sApha ho to saMkaTake samaya sevaka aura sAdhana kahIM na kahIM se prA juTate haiM / mere daphtara meM kalyANadAsa, mANikalAla aura dUsare do hiMdustAnI the / AkhirI doke nAma isa samaya mujhe yAda nahIM haiM / kalyANadAsako usake bApane mujhe sauMpa rakkhA thA / unake jaise paropakArI aura kevala AjJA-pAlanase kAma rakhanevAle sevaka maiMne vahAM bahuta thor3e dekhe hoNge| saubhAgyase kalyANadAsa usa samaya brahmacArI the / isalie unheM maiM kaise bhI khatarekA kAma sauMpate hue kabhI na hicakatA / dUsare vyakti mANikalAla mujhe johAnsabarga meM hI mile the / merA khayAla hai ki vaha bhI kuMvAre hI the / ina cAroMko cAhe kArakuna kahie, cAhe sAthI yA putra kahie, maiMne isameM homa denekA nizcaya kara liyaa| kalyANadAsase to pUchane kI jarUrata hI nahIM thI, aura dUsare loga pUchate hI taiyAra ho gye| "jahAM Apa tahAM hama" yaha unakA saMkSipta aura mIThA javAba thA / mi0 rIcakA parivAra bar3A thaa| vaha khuda to kUda par3aneke lie taiyAra the; kiMtu maiMne hI unheM aisA karanese rokA / unheM isa khataremeM DAlaneke lie maiM

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adhyAya 16 : mahAmArI --2 295 bilakula taiyAra na thA, merI himmata hI nahIM hotI thI / ataeva unhoMne UparakA saba kAma samhAlA / zuzrUSAkI yaha rAta bhayAnaka thI / maiM isase pahale bahuta se rogiyoMkI sevA-zuzrUSA kara cukA thA / paraMtu plegake rogIkI sevA karanekA avasara mujhe kabhI na milA thaa| DAkTaroMkI himmatane hameM niDara banA diyA thA / rogiyoMkI zuzrUSAkA kAma bahuta na thA / unheM davA denA, dilAsA denA, pAnI-vAnI de denA, unakA mailA vagairA sApha kara denA --- isake sivA adhika kAma na thA / ina cAroM navayuvakoMke prANa-paNa se kiye gaye parizrama aura aise sAhasa aura niDaratAko dekhakara mere harSakI sImA na rahI / DAkTara gADI himmata samajhameM A sakatI hai, madanajItakI bhI samajhameM A jAtI hai -- para ina yuvakoMkI himmatapara Azcarya hotA hai / jyoM-tyoM karake rAta bItI / jahAMtaka mujhe yAda par3atA hai, usa rAta to hamane eka bhI bImArako nahIM khoyA / paraMtu yaha prasaMga jitanA hI karuNAjanaka hai utanA hI manoraMjaka aura merI dRSTimeM dhArmika bhI hai / isa kAraNa isake lie abhI do aura adhyAyoMkI - vazyakatA hogI / 16 mahAmArI - 2 isa prakAra ekAeka makAnakA tAlA tor3akara bImAroM kI sevA-zuzrUSA karane ke lie TAuna-klarkane hamArA upakAra mAnA aura sacce dilase kabUla kiyA"aisI hAlatakA ekAeka sAmanA aura prabaMdha karanekI sahUliyata hamAre pAsa nahIM / Apako jisa kisI prakArakI sahAyatA kI AvazyakatA ho, Apa avazya kahiegA; TAuna - kauMsila apane basa bhara jarUra ApakI sahAyatA karegI / " paraMtu vahAMkI myUnisipailiTIne ucita prabaMdha karanemeM apanI taraphase vilaMba na hone diyA / dUsare dina eka khAlI godAma hamAre havAle kiyA gayA aura kahA gayA ki

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 usameM saba bImAra rakkhe jAyaM / paraMtu use sApha karanekI jimmedArI myunisipailiTIne na lii| makAna bar3A mailA aura gaMdA thaa| hama logoMne khuda lagakara use sApha kiyA / udAracetA bhAratIyoMkI sahAyatAse cArapAI ityAdi mila gaI aura usa samaya kAma calAneke lie eka khAsA aspatAla bana gyaa| myunisipailiTIne eka narsa--paricArikA--bhejI aura unake sAtha barAMDIkI botala aura bImAroMke lie anya Avazyaka cIjeM diiN| DAkTara gADaphre jyoM-ke-tyoM tainAta rahe / __narsako hama zAyada hI kahIM rogiyoMko chUne dete the| use khuda to chUnese paraheja na thA; vaha thI bhI bhalImAnasa / kiMtu hamArI koziza yahI rahI ki jahAMtaka ho vaha khataremeM na pdd'e| tajavIja yaha huI thI ki bImAroMko samaya-samayapara barAMDI pilAI jAya / hamase bhI narsa kahatI ki bImArIse apaneko bacAne ke lie Apa loga thor3I-thor3I barAMDI piyA kro| vaha khuda to pItI hI thii| para merA mana gavAhI nahIM detA thA ki bImAroMko bhI barAMDI pilAI jAya / tIna bImAra aise the jo binA barAMDIke rahaneko taiyAra the| DA0 gADaphekI ijAjatase maiMne unapara miTTIke prayoga kiye| chAtImeM jahAM-tahAM darda hotA thA vahAM-vahAM maiMne miTTIkI paTTI bNdhvaaii| inameMse do baca gaye aura zeSa saba cala base / bIsa rogI to isa godAmameM hI mara gaye / ___ myunisipailiTIkI ora se dUsare prabaMdha bhI jArI the| johAnsabargase sAta mIla dUra eka lejareTo arthAt saMkrAmaka rogiyoMkA aspatAla thA, vahAM taMbU khar3A kiyA gayA thA aura usameM ye tIna rogI le jAye gaye the| plegake dUsare rogI hoM to unheM bhI vahIM le jAnekA iMtajAma karake hama isa kAryase mukta ho gye| thor3e hI dina bAda hameM mAlUma huA ki usa bhalI narsako bhI plega ho gayA aura usImeM becArIkA dehAMta ho gyaa| yaha kahanA kaThina hai ki ye rogI kyoM baca gaye aura hama loga plegake zikAra kyoM na ho sake ? para isase miTTIke upacArapara merA vizvAsa aura davAke taurapara bhI barAMDIkA upayoga karanemeM merI azraddhA bahuta bar3ha gii| maiM jAnatA hUM ki isa zraddhA aura azraddhAko nirAdhAra kaha sakate haiN| para usa samaya ina do bAtoMkI jo chApa mere dilapara par3I aura jo abataka kAyama hai, use maiM miTA nahIM sakalA aura isa maukepara usakA jikra kara denA Avazyaka

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adhyAya 16 : mahAmArI - 2 267. samajhatA hUM 1 isa mahAmArI phaila nikalate hI maiMne eka kar3A patra akhabAroMmeM likhA thA / usameM yaha batAyA gayA thA ki lokezanake myUnisipailiTI ke kabje meM Ane ke bAda jo lAparavAhI vahAM dikhAI gaI usakI tathA jo plega phailA usakI jimmedAra myUnisipailiTI hai| isa patrake badaulata mi0 henarI polakase merI mulAkAta huI aura vahI svargIya josepha Dokase bhI mulAkAta honekA eka kAraNa bana gayA thA / pichale adhyAyameM maiM isa bAtakA jikra kara cukA hUM ki maiM eka nirAmiSa bhojanAlaya meM bhojana karane jAtA thaa| vahAM misTara grAlbarTa vesTase merI bheMTa huI thI / roja hama sAtha hI bhojanAlaya meM jAte aura khAneke bAda sAtha hI ghUmane nikalate / mi0 vesTa eka choTese chApekhAnemeM sAjhIdAra the| unhoMne akhabAroMmeM plega -saMbaMdhI merA vaha patra par3hA aura jaba bhojanake samaya bhojanAlaya meM mujhe nahIM pAyA to becaina ho uThe / maiMne tathA mere sAthI sevakoMne plegake dinoMmeM apanI khurAka kama kara lI thii| bahuta samaya se maiMne yaha niyama banA rakkhA thA ki jabataka kisI saMkrAmaka rogakA prakopa ho tabataka peTa jitanA halkA rakkhA jA sake utanA hI acchA / isalie maiMne zAmakA khAnA baMda kara diyA thA aura dopaharako bhI aise samaya jAkara vahAM bhojana kara prAtA jabaki isa tarahake khataroMse apane ko bacAnekI icchA karanevAle koI bhojanAlaya meM na Ate hoM / bhojanAlayake mAlikake sAtha to merA ghaniSTa paricaya thA hI / usase maiMne yaha bAta kaha rakkhI thI ki maiM ina dinoM plega ke rogiyoMkI sevA-zuzrUSAmeM lagA huA hUM, isalie auroMko apanI chUtase dUra rakhanA cAhatA hUM / isa taraha bhojanAlaya meM mujhe na dekha kara mi0 vesTa dUsare yA tIsare hI dina subaha mere yahAM A dhamake / maiM abhI bAhara nikalanekI taiyArI kara hI rahA thA ki unhoMne Akara mere kamarekA daravAjA khttkhttaayaa| daravAjA kholate hI vesTa bole- " Apako bhojanAlayameM na dekhakara maiM ciMtita ho uThA ki kahIM Apa bhI plega sapATe meM na A gaye hoM ! isalie isa samaya isI vizvAsase AyA hUM ki Apase avazya bheMTa ho jAyagI / merI kisI madadakI jarUrata ho to jarUra

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 khiegaa| maiM rogiyoMkI sevA-zuzrUSAke lie bhI taiyAra huuN| Apa jAnate hI haiM ki mujhapara sivA apanA peTa bharaneke aura kisI tarahakI jimmedArI nahIM hai|" / maiMne mi0 vesTako isake lie dhanyavAda diyaa| mujhe nahIM yAda par3atA ki maiMne eka minaTa bhI vicAra kiyA hogA / maiMne kahA-- "narsakA kAma to maiM Apase nahIM lenA caahtaa| yadi aura loga bImAra na hoM to hamArA kAma eka-do dina meM hI pUrA ho jaaygaa| para eka kAma Apake lAyaka jarUra hai|" "so kyA hai ?" "Apa Darabana jAkara 'iMDiyana opIniyana' presakA kAma dekha sakeMge ? madanajIta to abhI yahAM ruke hue haiN| vahAM kisI-na-kisIke jAnekI AvazyakatA to hai hii| yadi mApa vahAM cale jAyaM to vahAM ke kAmase maiM bilakula nizcita ho jaauuN|" vesTane javAba diyA--"Apa jAnate haiM ki mere khuda eka chApAkhAnA hai / bahuta karake to maiM vahAM jAne ke lie taiyAra ho sakU~gA, para nizcita uttara Aja zAmako de sakU~ to harja to nahIM hai ? Aja zAmako ghUmane cala sakeM to bAteM kara leNge|" unake AzvAsanase mujhe AnaMda huaa| usI dina zAmako kucha bAtacIta huii| yaha taya pAyA ki vesTako 10 pauMDa mAsika vetana aura chApAkhAneke munAphekA kucha aMza diyA jAya / mahaja vetanake lie vesTa vahAM nahIM jA rahe the| isalie yaha savAla unake sAmane nahIM thaa| apanI ugAhI mujhe sauMpakara dUsare hI dina rAtakI melase vesTa Darabana ravAnA ho gye| tabase lekara mere dakSiNa aphrIkA chor3anetaka vaha mere duHkha-sukhake sAthI rhe| vesTakA janma vilAyatake lAutha nAmaka gAMvameM eka kisAna-kuTumbameM huA thaa| pAThazAlAmeM unhoMne bahuta mAmUlI zikSA prApta kI thii| vaha apane hI parizramase anubhavakI pAThazAlAmeM par3hakara aura tAlIma pAkara hoziyAra hue the| merI dRSTimeM vaha eka zuddha, saMyamI, IzvarabhIra, sAhasI aura paropakArI aMgreja the| unakA va unake kuTuMbakA paricaya abhI hameM ina adhyAyoMmeM aura hogA /

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adhyAya 17 : lokezanakI holI 17 266 lokezanakI holI rogiyoMkI sevA-zuzrUSAse yadyapi maiM aura mere sAthI phAriga ho gaye the, tathApi isa plega - prakaraNa ke badaulata dUsare naye kAma bhI hamAre lie paidA ho gaye the / vahAMkI myUnisipailiTI lokezanake saMbaMdha meM bhale hI lAparavAhI rakhatI ho; kiMtu gore-nivAsiyoMke prArogyake viSaya meM to use caubIsoM ghaMTe satarka rahanA par3atA thA / unake ArogyakI rakSAke lie rupayA phUMkane meM bhI usane kotAhI nahIM kI thI / aura isa samaya to plegako vahAM na phailane deneke lie usane pAnIkI taraha paisA bahAyA / bhAratIyoM ke prati isa myUnisipailiTI ke vyavahArakI mujhe bahuta zikAyata thI, phira bhI goroMkI rakSA ke lie vaha jitanI ciMtA kara rahI thI usake prati apanA prAdara pradarzita kiye binA maiM na raha sakA aura usake isa zubha prayatna meM mujhase jitanI madada ho sakI maiMne kii| maiM mAnatA hUM ki yadi vaha madada maiMne na kI hotI to myUnisipailiTI ko dikkata par3atI aura zAyada use baMdUka balakA prayoga karanA par3atA aura apanI iSTa-siddhi ke lie aisA karane meM vaha bilakula na hicakatI / paraMtu aisA karanekI naubata na Ane pAI / usa samaya bhAratIyoMke vyavahAra se myUnisipailiTI ke adhikArI saMtuSTa ho gaye aura usake bAdakA kAma bahuta sarala ho gayA / myUnisipailiTI kI mAMgako hiMdustAniyoMse pUrA karAne meM maiMne apanA sArA prabhAva kharca kara DAlA thA / yaha kAma bhAratIyoMke lie thA to bar3A duSkara ; paraMtu mujhe yAda nahIM par3atA ki kisI ekane bhI mere vacanako TAlA ho / lokezana ke cAroM aura paharA baiThA diyA gayA thaa| binA ijAjata na koI aMdara jA pAtA thA, na bAhara A sakatA thA / mujhe tathA mere sAthiyoM ko binA rukAvaTa vahAM Ane-jAne ke lie pAsa de diye gaye the / myUnisipailiTI kI tajavIja yaha thI ki lokezanake saba logoMko johAnsabarga se teraha mIla khule maidAnameM taMbuoM meM rakkhA jAya aura lokezanameM Aga lagA dI jAya / Dere taMbujhoMkA hI kyoM na ho, para vaha eka nayA gAMva basAnA par3A thA aura vahAM khAdya Adi sAmagrIkA prabaMdha

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300 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 karanemeM kucha samaya laganA svAbhAvika thA / tabatakake lie yaha paharekA prabaMdha kiyA gayA thA / isase logoMmeM bar3I ciMtA phailI, paraMtu maiM unake sAtha unakA sahAyaka thA -- isase unheM bahuta taskIna thii| inameM kitane hI aise garIba loga bhI the, jo apanA rupayA-paisA gharameM gAr3akara rakhate the / aba use khodakara unheM kahIM rakhanA thA / ve na baiMkako jAnate the, na baiMka unheM / maiM unakA baiMka banA / mere ghara rupayoMkA Dhera ho gayA / aise samaya meM maiM bhalA mehanatAnA kyA le sakatA thA. ? kisI taraha muzkila se isakA prabaMdha kara pAyA / hamAre baiMkake mainejara ke sAtha merA acchA paricaya thA / maiMne unheM kahalAyA ki mujhe baiMka meM bahutere rupaye jamA karAne haiN| baiMka Ama taurapara tAMbe yA cAMdI ke sikke leneke lie taiyAra nahIM hote / phira yaha bhI aMdezA thA ki plega sthAnoMse Aye sikkoMko chUnemeM klarka loga AnAkAnI kreN| kiMtu mainejarane mere lie saba tarahakI suvidhA kara dI / yaha bAta taya pAI ki rupaye-paise jaMtunAzaka pAnImeM dhokara baiMkameM jamA karAye jAye / isa taraha mujhe yAda par3atA hai ki lagabhaga 60,000 pauMDa baiMkameM jamA hue the / mere jina mavakkiloM ke pAsa adhika rakama thI unheM maiMne eka nizcita avadhike lie baiMka jamA karAne kI salAha dI, jisase unheM adhika byAja mila sake / isase kitane hI rupaye una mavakkiloM ke nAmase baiMkameM jamA hue| isakA pariNAma yaha huA ki kitane hI logoMko baiMkoMmeM rakhanekI Adata par3I / johAnsabarga ke pAsa 'klipsaphruTa phArma' nAmaka eka sthAna hai / lokezananivAsiyoMko vahAM eka spezala Trenase le gaye / yahAM myUnisipailiTIne unake lie apane kharca se ghara baiThe pAnI pahuMcAyA / isa taMbUke gAMvakA najArA sainikoMke par3AvakI taraha thA / loga aisI sthitimeM rahaneke AdI nahIM the, isase inheM mAnasika duHkha to huA / naI jagaha aTapaTI mAlUma huI, kiMtu unheM koI khAsa kaSTa nahIM uThAnA par3A / maiM roja bAisikalapara jAkara vahAM eka cakkara lagA prAtA / tIna saptAhataka isa taraha khulI havA meM logoMkI taMdurustIpara jarUra acchA asara huA / aura mAnasika duHkha to prathama caubIsa ghaMTe pUre hone ke pahale hI calA gayA thaa| phira to a naMdase rahane lge| maiM jahAM jAtA vahAM kahIM bhajana-kIrtana aura kahIM khelakUda Adi hote hue dekhatA /

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adhyAya 18 : eka pustakakA camatkArI prabhAva 301 jahAMtaka mujhe yAda hai, lokezana jisa dina khAlI karAyA gayA, yA to usI dina yA usake dUsare dina usameM Aga lagA dI gii| eka bhI cIjako vahAMse bacA lAnekA lobha myUnisipailiTIne nahIM kiyaa| inhIM dinoM aura isI kAraNa myUnisipailiTIne apane mArkeTakI sArI lakar3IkI imArateM bhI jalA DAlIM, jisase use koI 10 hajAra pauMDakI hAni sahanI pdd'ii| mArkeTa meM mare cUhe pAye gaye the-isalie myUnisipailiTIko itane sAhasakA kAma karanA pdd'aa| isameM nukasAna to bahuta baradAzta karanA par3A, kiMtu yaha phala jarUra huaA ki plega Age na bar3ha pAyA aura nagaravAsI niHzaMka ho gaye / 18 eka pustakakA camatkArI prabhAva isa plegake badaulata garIba bhAratavAsiyoMpara merA prabhAva bar3hA aura usake sAtha merI vakAlata aura merI jimmedArI bhI bahuta bar3ha gii| phira yUropiyana logoMse jo merA paricaya thA vaha bhI itanA nikaTa hotA gayA ki usase bhI merI naitika javAbadehI bar3hane lagI / jisa taraha vesTase merI mulAkAta nirAmiSa bhojanAlayameM huI, usI taraha polakase bhI ho gii| eka dina mere khAnekI mejase dUrakI mejapara eka navayuvaka bhojana kara rahA thaa| usane mujhase milanekI icchAse apanA nAma mujhataka phuNcaayaa| maiMne unheM apanI mejapara khAneke lie bulAyA aura vaha Aye / / "mai 'kriTika'kA upa-saMpAdaka haiN| plega-saMbaMdhI ApakA patra par3haneke bAda Apase milanekI mujhe bar3I utkaMThA huii| Aja Apase milanekA avasara milA hai| (mi0 pIlakakai zuddha bhAvane mujhe unakI ora khiiNcaa| usa rAtako hamArA eka-dUsarese paricaya ho gayA aura jIvana-saMbaMdhI apane vicAroMmeM hama donoMko bahuta sAmya dikhAI diyaa| sAdA jIvana unheM pasaMda thaa| kisI bAtake paTa jAne ke bAda turaMta usapara amala karanekI unakI zakti Azcaryajanaka mAlUma huii| unhoMne apane jIvana meM kitane hI parivartana to ekadama kara DAle /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 'iMDiyana propIniyana' kA kharca bar3hatA jAtA thA / vesTane jo vivaraNa vahAMkA pahalI hI bAra bhejA usane mere kAna khar3e kara diye| unhoMne likhA ki jaisA Apane kahA thA vaisA munAphA isa kAma meM nahIM hai| mujhe to ulTA nukasAna dikhAI par3atA hai / hisAba kitAbakI vyavasthA ThIka nahIM hai / lenA bahuta hai, aura vaha vesira-pairakA hai| bahuterA raddobadala karanA hogA / paraMtu yaha hAla par3hakara Apa ciMtA na kareM; mujhase jitanA ho sakegA acchA prabaMdha karUMgA / munAphA na honeke kAraNa maiM isa kAmako chor3a na dUMgA / 302 jabaki munAphA nahIM dikhAI nahIM diyA thA taba vesTa cAhate to vahAM ke kAmako chor3a sakate the aura maiM unheM kisI taraha doSa nahIM de sakatA thA / itanA hI nahIM, ulTA unheM adhikAra thA ki vaha mujhe binA pUcha-tAcha kiye usa kAma meM munAphA batAnekA doSa-bhAgI ThaharAte | itanA hote hue bhI unhoMne mujhe kabhI isakA ulahanA taka na diyA; para maiM samajhatA hUM ki isa bAtake mAlUma honepara sTakI najara maiM eka jaldI meM vizvAsa kara lenevAlA grAdamI jaMcA hoUMgA / madanajI kI rAyako mAnakara binA pUcha-tAcha kiye hI maiMne vesTase munAphekA jikra kiyA thA / para merI yaha rAya hai ki sArvajanika kAryakartAoM ko vahI bAta dUsare se kahanI cAhie, jisakI khuda unhoMne jAMca kara lI ho / satyake pujArIko to bahuta sAvadhAnI rakhane kI AvazyakatA hai / binA apanA itmInAna kiye kisIke dilapara AvazyakatA se adhika asara DAlanA bhI satyako dAga lagAnA hai / mujhe yaha kahate hue bahuta duHkha hotA hai ki isa bAtako jAnate hue bhI jaldI meM vizvAsa rakhakara kAma lenekI apanI prakRtiko maiM pUrA-pUrA sudhAra nahIM sakA / isakA kAraNa hai zakti se adhika kAma karanekA lobha / yaha doSa hai / isa lobhase kaI bAra mujhe duHkha huA hai aura mere sAthiyoMko to mujhase bhI adhika manaHkleza sahanA par3A hai / vesTakA aisA patra pAkara maiM neTAlake lie ravAnA huaa| polaka merI saba bAtoMko jAna gaye the| sTezanapara mujhe pahuMcAne Aye aura raskina racita 'Tu disa lAsTa' nAmaka pustaka mere hAthoMmeM rakhakara kahA--" yaha pustaka rAste meM par3hane lAyaka hai | Apako jarUra pasaMda AyegI / pustakako jo maiMne eka bAra par3hanA zurU kiyA to khatama kiye binA na chor3a

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adhyAya 18 : eka pustakakA camatkArI prabhAva 303 skaa| usane to basa mujhe pakar3a hI liyaa| johAnsabargase neTAla 24 ghaMTekA rAstA hai / Trena zAmako Darabana pahuMcatI thii| pahuMcaneke bAda rAta-bhara nIMda na aaii| isa pustaka ke vicAroMke anusAra jIvana banAnekI dhuna laga rahI thii| . isase pahale maiMne raskinakI eka bhI pustaka nahIM par3I thii| vidyArthIjIvanameM pAThya-pustakoMke alAvA merA vAcana nahIM ke barAbara samajhanA cAhie aura karma-amimeM praveza karane ke bAda to mamaya hI bahuta kama rahatA hai| isa kAraNa Ajataka bhI merA pustaka-jAga bahuta hI thor3A huuN| maiM mAnatA hUM ki isa anAyAsake athavA jabardastIke saMyamase mujhe kucha bhI nukasAna nahIM pahuMcA hai| para, hAM, yaha kaha sakatA hUM ki jo-kucha thor3I pustakeM maiMne par3hI haiM unheM ThIka taurapara hajama karanekI koziza alabattA maiMne kI hai| aura mere jIvana meM yadi kisI pustakane tatkAla mahattvapUrNa racanAtmaka parivartana kara DAlA ho to vaha yahI pustaka hai| bAdako maiMne isakA gajarAtI meM anuvAda kiyA thA aura vaha 'sarvodaya'ke nAmase prakAzita merA yaha vizvAsa hai ki jo cIja mere aMtaratarameM basI huI thI usakA spaSTa pratibiMva maina raskinake isa graMtha-ratnama dekhA aura isa kAraNa usane mujhapara apanA sAmrAjya jamA liyA evaM apane vicAroMke anusAra mujhase pAcaraNa krvaayaa| hamArI antastha supta bhAvanAoM ko jAgrata karanekA sAmarthya jisameM hotA hai. vaha kavi hai / saba kaviyoM kA prabhAva sadapara ekasA nahIM hotA; kyoMki saba logoMmeM sabhI acchI bhAvanAeM eka mAtrAmeM nahIM hotii| 'sarvodaya' ke siddhAMtako maiM isa prakAra samajhA-- 1-sabake bhalemeM apanA bhalA hai / 2-vakIla aura nAI donoMke kAmakI kImata ekasI honI cAhie, kyoMki AjIvikAkA haka donoMko ekasA hai| - ||3-sAdA. majadura aura kisAnakA jIvana hI saccA jIvana hai / pahalI bAta to maiM jAnatA thaa| dUsarIkA mujhe AbhAsa huA karatA thaa| para tIsarI to mere vicAra-kSetra meM AI taka na thii| pahalI bAtameM pichalI donoM bAteM samAviSTa haiM, yaha bAta 'sarvodaya'se mujhe sUrya-prakAzakI taraha spATa dikhAI dene lgii| subaha hote hI maiM usake anusAra apane jIvanako banAnekI ciMtAmeM lgaa|

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304 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 16 phiniksakI sthApanA sien subaha hote hI maiMne sabase pahale vesTase isa sabaMdhameM bAteM kii| 'sarvodaya'kA jo prabhAva mere manapara par3A vaha maiMne unheM kaha sunAyA aura sujhAyA ki 'iMDiyana propIniyana'ko eka khetapara le jAyaM to kaisA ? vahAM saba eka sAtha raheM, ekasA bhojana-kharca leM, apane lie saba khetI kara liyA kareM aura bacatake samaya meM 'iMDiyana opIniyana'kA kAma kreN| vesTako yaha bAta pasaMda huii| bhojana-kharcakA hisAba lagAyA gayA to kama-se-kama tIna pauMDa prati manuSya praayaa| usameM kAle-gore kA bheda-bhAva nahIM rakkhA gayA thA / paraMtu presameM kAma karanevAle to kula 8-10 AdamI the| phira savAla yaha thA ki jaMgalameM jAkara basanemeM sabako suvidhA hogI yA nahIM? dUsarA savAla yaha thA ki saba ekasA bhojana-kharca leneke lie taiyAra hoMge yA nahIM ? Akhira hama donoMne to yahI taya kiyA ki jo isa tajavIjameM zarIka na ho sakeM ve apanA vetana le liyA kareM-- kiMtu Adarza yahI rakkhA jAya ki dhIre-dhIre saba kAryakartA saMsthAvAsI ho jAyaM / ___ isI dRSTise maiMne samasta kArya-kartAmoMse bAtacIta zurU kii| madanajItako yaha bAta bilakula pasaMda na huii| unheM aMdezA huA ki jisa cIjameM unhoMne apanA jI-jAna lagAyA use maiM kahIM apanI mUrkhatAse ekAdha mahInemeM hI miTTI meM na milA duu| unheM bhaya huA ki isa taraha 'iMDiyana opIniyana' baMda ho jAyagA, presa bhI TUTa jAyagA aura saba kAryakartA bhAga khar3e hoNge| ____ mere bhatIje chaganalAla gAMdhI usa presameM kAma karate the| unase bhI maine vesTake sAtha hI bAta kI thii| unapara parivArakA bojha thA; kiMtu bacapanase hI unhoMne mere nIce tAlIma lenA aura kAma karanA pasaMda kiyA thA / mujhapara unakA bahuta vizvAsa thaa| isalie unhoMne to binA dalIla aura hujjatake hI 'hAM kara lI aura tabase Ajataka vaha mere sAtha hI haiN| tIsare the goviMda sAmI mazInamaina / bahu bhI zAmila ho gye| dUsare

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346 adhyAya 13 : phiniksakI sthApanA loga yadyapi saMsthAvAnI na bane, para phira bhI unhone jahAM presa jAya vahAM jAnA svIkAra kiyA / isa taraha kAryakarttAgrioMke sAtha bAtacIta karanemeM do Rvika dina gaye hoM, aisA yAda nahIM pdd'taa| turaMta hI maiMne akhavAra meM vijJApana diyA ki Darabanake arata fear bhI sTezanake pAsa jamInakI AvazyakatA hai| uttara phinikkI jInakA saMdezA thA / vesTa aura meM jamIna dekhane gaye aura sAta dinake aMdara 20 ekar3a jamIna le lii| usameM eka choTA-sA pAnIkA laratA bhI thA / kucha are aura nAraMgI per3a the / pAsa hI 80 ekar3akA eka aura Tukar3A thaa| usameM phaloMke per3a jyAdA the aura eka jhoMpar3A bhI thA / kucha samaya bAda use bhI kharIda liyaa| donoMke milakara 1000 pauMDa lage / seTha pArasI rustamajI mere aise tamAma sAhasake kAmoMmeM mere sAthI hote the / unheM merI yaha tajavIja pasaMda aaii| isalie unhoMne apane eka godAma ke TIna vagairA, jo unake pAsa par3e the, muphta meM hameM de diye| kitane hI hiMdustAnI bar3haI aura rAja, jo mere sAtha lar3AImeM the, isameM madada dene lage aura kArakhAnA banane lagA / eka mahInemeM makAna taiyAra ho gayA / vaha 75 phITa laMbA aura 50 phITa caur3A thA / vesTa vagairA apane zarIrako khatare meM DAlakara bhI bar3haI yadi sAtha rahane lage / phiniksa meM ghAsa khUba thI aura AbAdI bilakula nahIM thI / isase sAMpa AdikA upadrava rahatA thA aura khatarA bhI thaa| zurU meM to hama taMbU tAnakara hI rahane lage / mukhya makAna taiyAra hote hI hama loga eka saptAha meM bahuterA sAmAna gAr3iyoMpara lAdakara phiniksa cale gaye / Darabana aura phiniksameM teraha mIlakA phAsalA thA | phiniksa sTezanase DhAI mIla dUra thA / isa sthAna parivartana ke kAraNa sirpha eka hI saptAha 'iMDiyana propIniyana' ko marakyUrI presa meM chapAtA par3A thaa| mere sAtha mere jo-jo riztedAra vagairA vahAM gaye aura vyApAra Adi meM laga gaye the unheM apane mata meM milAnekA aura phiniksameM dAkhila karanekA prayatna maiMne zurU kiyaa| ve saba to dhana jamA karanekI umaMgase dakSiNa aphrIkA zrAye the /

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34. Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 unako rAjI kara lenA bar3A kaThina kAma thA / paraMtu kitane hI logoMko merI bAta jaMca gii| ina sabameM se Aja to maganalAla gAMdhIkA nAma maiM cunakara pAThakoM sAmane rakhatA hUM, kyoMki dUsare loga jo rAjI hue the, ve thor3e-bahuta samaya phiniksameM rahakara phira dhana-saMcayake phera meM par3a gaye / maganalAla gAMdhI to apanA kAma chor3akara jo mere sAtha Aye, so abataka raha rahe haiM aura apane buddhi balase, tyAgase, zaktise evaM ananya bhakti bhAvase mere prAMtarika prayogoM meM merA sAtha dete haiM evaM mere mUla sAthiyoM meM Aja unakA sthAna sabameM pradhAna hai / phira eka svayaM zikSita kArI - garake rUpameM to unakA sthAna merI dRSTimeM advitIya hai / isa taraha 1904 IsvI meM phiniksakI sthApanA huI aura vighnoM aura kaThinAiyoMke rahate hue bhI phiniksa saMsthA evaM 'iMDiyana zropIniyana' donoM Ajataka cala rahe haiM / paraMtu isa saMsthAke prAraMbha - kAlakI musIbateM aura usa samayakI AzA-nirAzAeM jAnane lAyaka hai / unapara hama agale zradhyAyameM vicAra kareMge / 20 pahalI rAta fefereen 'iMDiyana zropIniyana' kA pahalA aMka prakAzita karanA grAsAna sAbita na huA / yadi do bAtoM meM maiMne pahale hIse sAvadhAnI na rakkhI hotI to aMka eka saptAha baMda rahatA yA derase nikalatA / isa saMsthA meM merI yaha icchA kama hI rahI thI ki eMjinase calane vAle yaMtrAdi maMgAye jAyaM / merI bhAvanA yaha thI ki jaba hama khetI bhI khuda hAthoMse hI karanekI cAha rakhate haiM taba phira chApekI kala bhI aisI hI lAI jAya jo hAthase cala sake / para usa samaya yaha anubhava huA ki yaha bAta sadha na sakegI / isalie praoNyala eMjina maMgAyA gayA thA / paraMtu mujhe yaha khaTakA rahA ki kahIM vahAMpara yaha eMjina baMda na ho jaay| so maiMne vesTako sujhAyA ' ki aise samaya ke lie koI aise kAma calAU sAdhana bhI hama abhI se juTA rakkheM to acchA / isalie unhoMne hAthase calAnekA bhI eka pahiyA maMgA rakkhA thA : aura aisI tajavIja kara rakkhI thI ki maukA par3anepara usase chApekI kala calAI jA ske| phira 'iMDiyana opIniyana' kA AkAra dainikapatrake barAbara laMbA-caur3A

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adhyAya 20 : pahalI rAta 307 thA / aura yadi bar3I kala ar3a jAya to aisI suvidhA vahAM nahIM thI ki itane bar3e AkArakA patra turaMta chApA jA ske| isase patrake usa aMkake baMda rahanekA hI aMdezA thaa| isa dikkatako dUra karaneke lie akhavArakA AkAra choTA kara diyA ki kaThinAI ke samayapara choTI kalako bhI pAMvase calAkara akhabAra, thor3e hI patnekA kyoM na ho, prakAzita ho sake / prAraMbha kAla meM 'iMDiyana opIniyana kI prakAzana - tithikI agalI rAtako sabako thor3A-bahuta jAgaraNa karanA hI par3atA thA / patroMko bhAMjane meM choTe-bar3e saba laga jAte aura rAtako dasa-bAraha baje yaha kAma khatama hotA / paraMtu pahalI rAta to isa prakAra kI bItI jise kabhI nahIM bhUla sakate / pannoMkA caukhaTA to mazInapara kasa gayA, para eMjina ar3a gayA; usane calanese inkAra kara diyA / eMjinako jamAne aura calAneke lie eka iMjiniyara bulAyA gayA thA / usane aura vesTane khUba mAthA paccI kI ; para eMjina Tasa se masa na huA / taba saba citAmeM apanA-sA muMha lekara baiTha gaye / aMtako vesTa nirAza hokara mere pAsa prAye / unakI prAMkheM prAMsunoMse chalachalA rahI thIM / unhoMne kahA, "aba Aja to eM jinake calane kI AzA nahIM aura isa saptAha hama akhabAra samayapara na nikAla sakeMge / LL 'agara yahI bAta hai taba to apanA kucha basa nahIM, para isa taraha AMsU bahane kI koI yakatA nahIM / aura kucha koziza kara sakate hoM to kara dekheM / hAM, vaha hAthame calAnekA pahiyA jo hamAre pAsa rakkhA hai, vaha kisa dina kAma zrAyegA ? yaha kahakara maiMne unheM zrAzvAsana diyA / [L vesTane kahA-' para usa pahiyeko calAnevAle AdamI hamAre pAsa kahAM haiM ? hama loga jitane haiM unase yaha nahIM cala sktaa| use calAne ke lie bArI-bArIse cAra-cAra grAdamiyoMkI jarUrata hai| aura idhara hama loga thaka bhI 60 bar3haI logoMkA kAma abhI pUrA nahIM huA thA, isase ve loga abhI chApekhAne meM hI so rahe the / unakI tarapha izArA karake maiMne kahA-- 'ye mistrI loga maujUda haiN| inakI madada kyoM na leM ? aura zrAjakI rAtabhara hama saba jAgakara chApanekI koziza kareMge / basa itanA hI kartavya hamArA aura bAkI raha jAtA hai / "

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Atma-kathA: bhAga 4 "mistriyoMko jagAnekI aura unase madada mAMganekI merI himmata nahIM hotii| aura hamAre jo loga thaka gaye haiM unheM bhI kaise kahUM ? " " yaha kAma mere jimme rahA / " maiMne kahA / "taba to mumakina hai ki saphalatA mila jAya / " maiMne mistriyoMko jagAyA aura unakI madada maaNgii| mujhe unakI minnatakhuzAyada nahIM karanI pdd'ii| unhoMne kahA-- "vAha ! aise vakta hama yadi kAma na pAyeM to hama AdamI hI kyA ? Apa ArAma kIjie, hama loga pahiyA calA deNge| hameM isameM kucha mihanata nahIM hai / " aura idhara chArekhAneke loga taiyAra the hii| aba to vesTake harSakI sImA na rhii| vaha kAma karate-karate bhajana gAne lge| ghor3A calAne meM maiMne bhI mistriyoMkA sAtha diyA aura dUsare loga bhI bArI-bArIse calAne lge| sAtha hI panne bhI charane lage / subahake sAta baje hoNge| maiMne dekhA ki abhI bahuta kAma bAkI par3A hai| maiMne vesTase kahA-- "aba hama iMjiniyarako kyoM na jagA meM ? aba dinakI rozanI meM vaha aura sira khapAkara dekhe to acchA ho| agara eMjina cala jAva to apanA kAma samayapara pUrA ho sakatA hai / " vesTane iMjiniyarako jgaayaa| vaha uTha khar3A huA aura eMjinake kamaremeM gyaa| zurU karate hI eMjina cala nikalA / presa harSanAdase guMja utthaa| sava vAhane lage, "yaha kaise ho gayA ? rAtako itanI mihanata karanepara bhI nahIM calA aura aba hAtha lagate hI isa taraha cala par3A, mAno kucha bigar3A hI na thaa|" / vesTane yA iMjiniyarane javAba diyA-- "isakA uttara denA kaThina hai| aisA jAna par3atA hai, mAno yaMtra bhI hamArI taraha ArAma cAhate haiN| kabhI-kabhI to unakI hAlata aisI hI dekhI jAtI hai / " . maiMne to yaha mAnA ki eMjinakA na calanA hamArI parIkSA thI aura aina maukepara usakA cala jAnA hamArI zuddha mihanatakA zubha phala thaa| - isakA pariNAma yaha huA ki 'iMDiyana opIniyana' niyata samayapara sTezana pahuMca gayA aura hama saba nizcita hue| hamAre isa AgrahakA phala yaha huA ki 'iMDiyana opIniyama'kI niyamitatAkI chApa logoMke dilapara par3o aura phiniksameM mehanatakA vAtAvaraNa

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adhyAya 21 : polaka bhI kUda par3e 306 phailaa| isa saMsthAke jIvana meM aisA bhI eka yuga AgayA thA, jaba jAnabUjhakara eMjina baMda rakkhA gayA thA aura dRr3hatApUrvaka hAthake pahiye se hI kAma calAyA gayA thA / maiM kaha sakatA hUM ki phiniksa ke jIvana meM yaha UMce-se-UMcA naitika kAla thaa| polaka bhI kUda par3e phiniksa jaisI saMsthA sthApita karaneke bAda maiM khuda thor3e hI samaya usameM raha skaa| isa bAtapara mujhe hamezA bar3A duHkha rahA hai| usakI sthApanAke samaya merI yaha kalpanA thI ki maiM bhI vahIM vsuNgaa| vahIM rahakara jo-kucha sevA ho sakegI vaha karUMgA aura phiniksakI saphalatAko hI apanI sevA smjhNgaa| paraMtu ina vicAroMke anusAra nizcita vyavahAra na ho skaa| apane anubhavameM maiMne yaha bahuta bAra dekhA hai ki hama socate kucha haiM aura ho kucha aura jAtA hai| paraMtu isake sAtha hI maiMne yaha bhI anubhava kiyA hai ki jahAM satyakI hI cAha aura upAsanA hai vahAM pariNAma cAhe hamArI dhAraNAke anusAra na nikale, kucha aura hI nikale, paraMtu vaha aniSTa-- burA--nahIM hotA aura kabhI-kabhI to prAzAse bhI adhika acchA ho jAtA hai| phiniksameM jo akalpita pariNAma paidA hue aura phiniksako jo akalpita rUpa prApta huA, vaha maiM nizcayapUrvaka kaha sakatA hUM ki aniSTa nahIM / hAM, yaha bAta alabattA nizcayapUrvaka nahIM kaha sakatA ki unheM adhika acchA kaha sakate haiM yA nhiiN| hamArI dhAraNA yaha thI ki hama loga khuda mihanata karake apanI rojI kamAyeMge, isalie chApekhAneke AsapAsa haraeka nivAsIko tIna-tIna ekar3a jamInakA Tukar3A diyA gyaa| isameM eka Tukar3A mere lie bhI nApA gayA / hama saba logoMkI icchA ke khilApha unapara TInake ghara banAye gaye / icchA to hamArI yaha thI ki hama miTTI aura phUsake, kisAnoM ke lAyaka, athavA IMTake makAna banAveM; para vaha na ho skaa| usameM adhika rupayA lagatA thA aura adhika samaya bhI jAtA thaa| phira saba loga isa bAtake lie Atura the ki kaba apane ghara basA leM aura kAmameM laga jaayN|

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 raft 'iMDiyana gropIniyana' ke saMpAdaka to manasukhalAla nAjara hI mAne jAte the, tathApi vaha isa yojanA meM sammilita nahIM hue the / unakA ghara DarabanameM hI thA / DarabanameM 'iMDiyana opIniyana kI eka choTI-sI zAkhA bhI thI / chApekhAne meM kaMpoja karane yAnI akSara jamAne ke lie yadyapi vaitanika kAryakarttA the, phira bhI usameM dRSTi yaha rakkhI gaI thI ki akSara jamAne kI kriyA saba saMsthAvAsI jAna leM aura kareM; kyoMki yaha hai to grAsAna, para isameM samaya 'bahuta jAtA hai; isalie jo loga kaMpoja karanA nahIM jAnate the ve saba taiyAra ho gaye / maiM isa kAma meM aMtataka sabase jyAdA pichar3A huA rahA aura maganalAla gAMdhI sabase Age nikala gaye / merA hamezA yaha mata rahA hai ki unheM khuda apanI zaktikI jAnakArI nahIM rahatI thI / unhoMne isase pahale chApekhAnekA koI kAma nahIM kiyA thA, phira bhI vaha eka kuzala kaMpojITara bana gaye aura apanI gati bhI bahuta bar3A lI / itanA hI nahIM, balki thor3e hI samaya meM chApekhAne kI saba kriyAyoMmeM kAphI pravINatA prApta karake unhoMne mujhe Azcarya cakita kara diyA / 310 yaha kAma abhI ThikAne lagA hI na thA, makAna bhI abhI taiyAra na hue the| ki itane meM hI isa naye ratte kuTuMbako chor3akara mujhe johAnsabarga bhAganA par3A / aisI hAlata na thI ki maiM vahAMkA kAma bahuta samayataka yoM hI paTaka rakhatA / johAnsavarga prAkara maiMne polakako isa mahattvapUrNa parivartanakI sUcanA dii| apanI dI huI pustakakA yaha pariNAma dekhakara unake AnaMdakI sImA na rhii| unhoMne bar3I umaMgake sAtha pUchA -- "to kyA maiM bhI isameM kisI taraha yoga nahIM de sakatA ? 33 maiMne kahA --- "hAM, kyoM nahIM, avazya de sakate haiN| Apa cAheM to isa yojanAmeM bhI zarIka ho sakate haiM / " " mujhe Apa zAmila kara leM to mujhe taiyAra hI samajhie 1 " polakane javAba diyA / unakI isa dRr3hatAne mujhe mugdha kara liyA / polakane 'kriTika' ke mAlikako eka mahInekA noTisa dekara apanA istIphA peza kara diyA aura miyAda khatama honepara phiniksa A pahuMce / apanI milanasArIse unhoMne sabakA mana hara liyA aura hamAre kuTuMbI banakara vahAM basa gaye / sAdagI to unake ragorezameM bharI

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adhyAya 21 : polaka bhI kUda par3e huI thI, isalie unheM phiniksakA jIvana jarA bhI aTapaTA yA kaThina na mAlUma hunmA, balki svAbhAvika aura rucikara jAna pdd'aa| para khuda maiM hI unheM vahAM adhika samayataka nahIM rakha skaa| mi0 rIcane vilAyatameM rahakara kAnUnake adhyayanako pUrA karanekA nizcaya kiyaa| daphtarake kAmakA bojhA mujha akeleke basakA na thaa| isalie maiMne polakale daphArameM rahane aura vakAlata karane ke lie khaa| isameM maiMne yaha socA thA ki unake vakIla ho jAneke bAda aMtako hama donoM phiniksa meM A phuNceNge| hamArI ye saba kalpanAeM aMtako jhUThI sAbita huI; paraMtu polakAke svabhAvameM eka prakArakI aisI saralatA thI ki jisapara unakA vizvAsa baiTha jAtA usake nAtha vaha hujjata na karate aura usakI sammatike anukUla calane kA prayatna karate / polakane nujhe likhA-- "mujhe to yahI jIvana pasaMda hai aura maiM yahIM sukhI huuN| mujhe AzA hai ki hama isa saMsthAkA khUba vikAsa kara skeNge| paraMtu yadi ApakA yaha khayAla ho ki mere vahAM pAnese hamAre Adarza jaldI saphala hoMge, to maiM pAneko bhI taiyAra huuN|" maiMne isa patrakA svAgata kiyA aura polaka phiniksa chor3akara johAnsabarga Aye aura mere daphtarameM mere sahAyakakA kAma karane lge| isI samaya mekinaTAyara nAmaka eka skaoNca yuvaka hamAre sAtha zarIka huaa| vaha thiyaoNsaphisTa thA aura use maiM kAnUnakI parIkSAkI taiyArI meM madada karatA thaa| maiMne use polakakA anukaraNa karanekA nimaMtraNa diyA thA / isa taraha phiniksake Adarzako zIghra prApta kara leneke zubha uddezya se maiM usake virodhaka jIvanameM dina-dina gaharA paiThatA gayA aura yadi IzvarIya saMketa dUsarA na hotA to sAde jIvanake vahAne phailAye isa mohajAlameM maiM khuda hI phaMsa jaataa| paraMtu hamAre AdarzakI rakSA isa taraha huI ki jisakI hamameMse kisIne kalpanA bhI nahIM kI thii| lekina usa prasaMgakA varNana karane ke pahale abhI kucha aura adhyAya likhane pdd'eNge|

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312 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 22 'jAko rAkhe sAiyAM' isa samaya to maiMne nikaTa bhaviSyameM deza jAnekI athavA vahAM jAkara sthira. honekI prAzA chor3a dI thI / idhara maiM patnIko eka sAlakA dilAsA dekara dakSiNa AyA thA; paraMtu sAla to bIta gayA aura meM lauTa na sakA; isalie nizcaya kiyA ki bAla-baccoMko yahIM bulavA lUM / bAla-bacce nA gaye | unameM merA tIsarA putra rAmadAsa bhI thA / rAste meM jahAjake kaptAna ke sAtha vaha khUba hila-mila gayA thA aura unake sAtha khilavAr3a karate hue usakA hAtha TUTa gayA thA / kaptAnane usakI khUba sevA kI thI / DAkTarane haDDI' jor3a dI thI aura jaba vaha johAnsabarga pahuMcA to usakA hAtha lakar3I kI paTTIse bAMdhakara rUmAlameM laTakAyA huA adhara rakkhA gayA thaa| jahAjake DAkTara kI hidAyata thI ki jakhmakA ilAja kisI DAkTarase hI karAnA cAhie / paraMtu yaha jamAnA mere miTTI ke prayogoMke daura daurekA thA / apane jina mavavikaloMkA vizvAsa mujha anAr3I vaidyapara thA unase bhI meM miTTI aura pAnIkA prayoga karAtA thA / tava rAmadAsake lie dUsarA kyA ilAja ho sakatA thA ? rAmadAsakI umra usa samaya ATha varSakI thI / maiMne usase pUchA - " maiM tumhAre jakhmakI marahama-paTTI khuda karUM to tuma Daroge to nahIM ? " rAmadAsane haMsakara mujhe prayoga karanekI chuTTI de dI / isa unameM use acche-burekI pahacAna nahIM ho sakatI thI, phira bhI DAkTara aura 'nIma-hakIma' kA bheda vaha acchI taraha jAnatA thA / isake va use mere prayogoMkA hAla mAlUma thA aura mujhapara usakA vizvAsa thaa| isalie usako kucha Dara nahIM mAlUma hudhA / maiMne usakI paTTI kholI / para usa samaya mere hAtha kAMpa rahe the aura dila dhar3aka rahA thA / maiMne jakhmako dhoyA aura sApha miTTIkI paTTI rakhakara pUrvavat paTTI bAMdha dI / isa taraha roja maiM jakhma sApha karake miTTI kI paTTI car3hA detA / koI mahIne bhara meM ghAva sUkha gyaa| kisI bhI dina usameM koI kharAbI paidA na huI aura dina-dina vaha sUkhatA hI gayA / jahAjake DAkTarane bhI kahA thA ki DAkTarI

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adhyAya 22 : 'jAko rAkhe sAiyAM' marahama-paTTIse bhI itanA samaya to laga hI jAyagA / isase gharelU ilAjapara merA vizvAsa aura usake prayoga karane kA merA sAhasa bar3ha gayA / isake bAda to maiMne apane prayogoMkI sImA bahuta bar3A dI thii| jakhma, bukhAra, ajIrNa, pIliyA ityAdi rogoMpara miTTI, pAnI aura upavAsake prayoga kaI choTe-bar3e strI-puruSoMpara kiye aura unameM adhikAMzameM saphalatA milii| itanepara bhI jo himmata isa viSaya meM mujhe dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM thI vaha aba nahIM rahI aura anubhavase aisA bhI dekhA gayA hai ki ina prayogoMmeM khatarA to hai hI / ina prayogoMke varNanameM merA hetu yaha nahIM hai ki inakI saphalatA siddha kruuN| maiM aisA dAvA nahIM kara sakatA ki inameMse eka bhI prayoga sarvAMsameM saphala huA ho, para koI DAkTara bhI to apane prayogoMke lie aisA dAvA nahIM kara sktaa| mere kahane kA bhAva sirpha yahI hai ki jo loga naye aparicita prayoga karanA cAhate haiM unheM apanese hI usakI zurUAta karanI caahie| aisA karane se satya jaldI prakAzita hotA hai aura aise prayoga karanevAleko Izvara khataroMse bacA letA hai / miTTIke prayogoMmeM jo jokhima thI yahI yUropiyana logoMke nikaTa samAgamameM bhI thii| bheda sirpha donoMke prakArakA thaa| paraMtu ina khataroMkA to mere manameM vicArataka nahIM aayaa| polakako maiMne apane sAtha rahanekA nimaMtraNa diyA aura hama sage bhAIkI taraha rahane lge| polakakA vivAha jisa devIke sAtha huA usase unakI maitrI bahuta samayase thii| ucita samayapara vivAha kara lenekA nizcaya donoMne kara rakkhA thA; paraMtu mujhe yAda par3atA hai ki polaka kucha rupayA juTA lenekI phirAkameM the| raskinake graMthoMkA adhyayana aura vicAroMkA manana unhoMne mujhase bahula adhika kara rakkhA thA; paraMtu pazcimake vAtAvaraNa meM raskinake vicAroMke anusAra jIvana vitAnekI kalpanA muzkilate hI ho sakatI thii| eka roja maiMne unase kahA, "jisake sAtha prema-gAMTha baMdha gaI hai usakA viyoga kevala dhanAbhAvase sahanA ucita nahIM hai| isa taraha agara vicAra kiyA jAya taba to koI garIba becArA vivAha kara hI nahIM sktaa| phira Apa to mere sAtha rahate haiN| isalie ghara-kharcakA khayAla hI nahIM hai| so mujhe to yahI ucita mAlUma par3atA hai ki Apa zAdI kara leN|" polakase mujhe kabhI koI bAta duvArA kahanekA maukA nahIM aayaa| unheM

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 314 turaMta merI dalIla paTa gii| bhAvI zrImatI polaka vilAyata meM thIM, unake sAtha ciTThI-patrI huii| vaha sahamata huI aura thor3e hI mahInoM meM vaha vivAha ke lie johAnsabarga A gaI / vivAha kharca kucha bhI nahIM karanA par3A / vivAha ke lie khAsa kapar3etaka nahIM banAye gaye aura dharma-vidhikI bhI koI AvazyakatA nahIM smjhii| zrImatI polaka janmataH IsAI aura polaka yahUdI the| donoM nIti-dharma ke mAnane vAle the / paraMtu isa vivAha ke samaya eka manoraMjaka ghaTanA hogaI thI / TrAMsavAla meM jo karmacArI goroMke vivAhakI rajisTrI karatA vaha kAleke vivAhakI nahIM karatA thA / isa vivAha meM donoMkA purohita yA sAkSI meM hI thA / hama cAhate to kisI gore-mitrakI bhI tajavIja kara sakate the; paraMtu polaka isa vAtako baradAzta nahIM kara sakate the, isalie hama tInoM usa karmacArI ke pAsa gye| jisa vivAhakA madhyastha eka kAlA AdamI ho usameM vara-vadhU donoM gore hI hoMge, isa bAtakA vizvAsa sahasA usa karmacArIko kaise ho sakatA thA ? usane kahA ki meM jAMca karane ke bAda vivAha rajisTara karUMgA / dUsare dina bar3e dinakA tyauhAra thA / vivAhakI sArI taiyArI kiye hue vara-vadhUke vivAhako rajisTrI kI tArIkhakA isa taraha badalA jAnA sabako bar3A nAgavAra gujraa| bar3e majisTreTase merA paricaya thA / vaha isa vibhAgakA aphasara thA / maiM isa daMpatI ko lekara unake pAsa gayA / kissA sunakara vaha haMse aura ciTThI likha dI / taba jAkara vaha vivAha rajisTara huA / Ajataka to thor3e-bahuta paricita gore puruSa hI hama logoMke sAtha rahe the; para aba eka aparicita aMgreja mahilA hamAre parivAra meM dAkhila huI / mujhe to bilakula yAda nahIM par3atA ki khuda merA kabhI unake sAtha koI jhagar3A huA ho; paraMtu jahAM aneka jAtike aura prakRtike hiMdustAnI AyA-jAyA karate the aura jahAM merI patnI ko bhI aise jIvanakA anubhava thor3A thA, vahAM una donoMko kabhI-kabhI udvegake avasara mile hoM to Azcarya nahIM; paraMtu maiM kaha sakatA hUM ki eka hI jAti aura kuTuMbake logoM meM kaTu anubhava jitane hote haiM, unase to adhika isa vijAtIya kuTuMbameM nahIM hue; balki aise jina prasaMgoMkA smaraNa mujhe hai ve bahuta mAmUlI kahe jA sakate haiN| bAta yaha hai ki sajAtIya-vijAtIya yaha to

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adhyAya 23 : gharameM pheraphAra aura bAla-zikSA 315 hamAre manakI taraMgeM haiM, vAstavameM to hama saba eka hI parivArake loga haiM / aba, vesTakA vivAha bhI yahIM kyoM na manA lUM? usa samaya brahmacaryaviSayaka mere vicAra paripakva nahIM hue the| isalie kuMvAre mitroMkA vivAha karA denA una dinoM merA eka pezA ho baiThA thaa| vesTa jaba apanI janmabhUmimeM mAtA-pitAse milaneke lie gaye to maiMne unheM salAha dI thI ki jahAMtaka ho sake vivAha karake hI lauTanA; kyoMki phiniksa hama sabakA ghara ho gayA thA aura hama saba kisAna bana baiThe the, isalie vivAha yA vaMza-vRddhi hamAre lie bhayakA viSaya nahIM thaa| vesTa lesTarakI eka suMdarI vivAha lAye / isa kumArikAke parivArake loga lesTarake jUteke eka bar3e kArakhAne meM kAma karate the| zrImatI vesTa bhI kucha samayataka usa jUteke kArakhAne meM kAma kara cukI thiiN| ubhe maiMne muMdarI kahA hai, kyoMki maiM usake guNoMkA pujArI hUM, aura saccA sauMdarya to manuSyakA guNa hI hotA hai / vesTa apanI sAsako bhI sAtha lAye the| yaha bhalI bur3hiyA abhI jiMdA hai| apanI udyamazIlatA aura haMsamukha svabhAvase vaha hama sabako zarmAyA karatI thii| idhara to maiMne gore mitroMkA vivAha karAyA, udhara hiMdustAnI mitroMko apane bAla-baccoMko bulavA leneke lie utsAhita kiyaa| isase phiniksa eka choTA-sA gAMva bana gayA thaa| vahAM pAMca-sAta hiMdustAnI-kuTuMba rahane aura vRddhi pAne lage the| gharameM pheraphAra aura bAla-zikSA DarabanameM jo ghara banAyA thA usameM bhI kitane hI pheraphAra kara DAle the / para yahAM kharca bahuta rakkhA thA; phira bhI jhukAva sAdagIkI hI tarapha thaa| paraMtu johAnsavargameM 'sarvodaya ke Adarza aura vicAroMne bahuta parivartana karAyA / eka bairisTarake gharameM jitanI sAdagI rakkhI jA sakatI thI utanI to rakkhI hI gaI thI; phira bhI kitanI hI sAmagrIke binA kAma calAnA kaThina thaa| saccI sAdagI to mana kI bddh'ii| hara kAma hAthase karanekA zauka bar3hA

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316 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 aura usameM bAlakoMko bhI zAmila karanekA udyoga kiyA gayA / bAjAra se roTI (Dabala roTI) kharIdane ke badale gharameM hAthase binA khamIrI roTI, kunekI batAI paddhatise, banAnA zurU kiyA / aisI roTImeM milakA TA kAma nahIM de sakatA / phira milake ghATe ke bajAya hAthakA ghATA istemAla karanemeM sAdagI, taMdurustI aura dhana, sabakI adhika rakSA hotI thI / isalie 7 pauMDa kharca karake hAthase grATA pIsanekI eka cakkI kharIdI / isakA pahiyA bhArI thA / isalie calAnemeM ekako dikkata hotI thI aura do AdamI use grAsAnIse calA sakate the / cakkI calAne kA kAma khAsakara polaka, maiM aura bacce karate the / kabhI-kabhI kastUrabAI bhI prA jaatiiN| hAlAMki vaha prAyaH usa samaya rasoI karanemeM lagI rahatIM / zrImatI polaka ke thAnepara vaha bhI usameM juTa jAtI / yaha kasarata bAlakoMke lie bahuta acchI sAbita huI / unase maiMne yaha athavA koI dUsarA kAma jabaradastI kabhI nahIM karavAyA; paraMtu ve eka khela samajha kara usakA pahiyA ghumAte rahate / thaka jAnepara pahiyA chor3a denekI unheM chuTTI thI / maiM nahIM kaha sakatA, kyA bAta hai ki kyA bAlaka aura kyA dUsare loga, jinakA paricaya hama Age kareMge, kisIne kabhI mujhe nirAza nahIM kiyA hai / yaha nahIM kaha sakate ki maMda aura DhITha lar3ake mere nasIba meM na hoM; paraMtu inameM se bahutere apane jimmekA kAma bar3I umaMgase karate / isa yugake aise thor3e hI bAlaka mujhe yAda par3ate haiM, jinhoMne kAmase jI curAyA ho yA kahA ho ki 'aba thaka gaye / ghara sApha rakhane ke lie eka naukara thA / vaha kuTuMbIkI taraha rahatA thA aura bacce usake kAmameM pUrI-pUrI madada karate the / pAkhAnA uThA le jAneke lie myunisipailiTIkA naukara AtA thA; paraMtu pAkhAnekA kamarA sApha rakhanA, baiThaka dhonA aaurA kAma naukarase nahIM liyA jAtA thA aura na isakI grAzA hI rakkhI. jAtI thI / yaha kAma hama loga khuda karate the; kyoMki usameM bhI baccoMko tAlIma milatI thI / isakA phala yaha huA ki mere kisI bhI lar3akeko zurU se hI pAkhAnA sApha karanekI ghina na rahI aura Arogya ke sAmAnya niyama bhI ve sahaja hI sIkha gaye / johAntavargameM koI bImAra to zAyada hI par3ate; paraMtu yadi koI bImAra hotA to usakI sevA prAdimeM bAlaka avazya zAmila hote aura ve isa kAmako

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adhyAya 23 : gharamai pheraphAra aura bAla-zikSA 317 bar3I khuzIse karate / yaha to nahIM kaha sakate ki unake akSara-jJAna arthAt pustakI zikSAkI maiMne koI paravAha nahIM kI; paraMtu hAM, maiMne usakA tyAga karane meM kucha saMkoca nahIM kiyaa| isa kamI ke lie mere lar3ake merI zikAyata kara sakate haiM aura kaI bAra unhoMne apanA asaMtoSa pradarzita bhI kiyA hai / maiM mAnatA hUM ki usane kucha aMzataka merA doSa hai / unheM pustakI zikSA dene kI icchA mujhe bahuta humA karatI, koziza bhI karatA; paraMtu isa kAlameM hamezA kucha-na-kucha vighna A khar3A hotaa| unake lie gharagara dUsarI zikSAkA prabaMdha nahIM kiyA thaa| isalie maiM unheM apane sAtha paidala dapatara le jAtA / daphtara DhAI mIla thaa| isalie subaha-zAma milakara pAMca mIlakI kasarata unako aura mujhe ho jAyA krtii| rAste calate hue unheM kucha sikhAne kI koziza karatA; para vaha bhI jaba dUsare koI sAtha calanevAle na hote| daphtarameM mavakkiloM aura muMziyoMke saMparka meM ve Ate, maiM batA detA thA to kucha par3hate, idhara-udhara ghUmate, bAjArase koI sAmAna-saudA lAnA ho to lAte / sabase jeThe harilAlako chor3akara saba bacce isI taraha paravariza pAye / harilAla dezameM raha gayA thaa| yadi maiM akSara-jJAnake lie eka ghaMTA bhI niyamita rUpase de pAtA to maiM mAnatA ki unheM Adarza zikSaNa milA hai| kiMtu maiM yaha niyama na rakha sakA, isakA duHkha unako aura muzako raha gayA hai| sabase bar3e beTene to apane jIkI jalana mere tathA sarvasAdhAraNake sAmane prakaTa kI hai| dUsaroMne apane hRdayakI udAratAse kAma lekara, isa doSako anivArya samajhakara usako sahana kara liyA hai| para isa kamIke lie mujhe pachatAvA nahIM hotA aura yadi kucha hai bhI to itanA hI ki maiM eka Adarza pitA sAbita na hunaa| paraMtu yaha merA mata hai ki maiMne akSarajJAnakI Ahuti bhI loka-sevAke lie dI hai| ho sakatA hai ki usake mUlameM ajJAna ho; para maiM itanA kaha sakatA hUM ki vaha sadbhAvapUrNa thii| unake caritra aura jIvanake nirmANa karaneke lie jo-kucha ucita aura Avazyaka thA, usameM maiMne koI kasara nahIM rahane dI hai aura maiM mAnatA hUM ki pratyeka mAtA-pitAkA yaha anivArya karttavya hai| merI itanI kozizake bAvajUda mere bAlakoMke jIvanameM jo khAmiyAM dikhAI dI haiM, merA yaha dRr3ha mata hai ki ve hama daMpatIkI khAmiyoMkA pratibiMba haiN|

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 bAlakoM ko jisa taraha mAM-bApakI AkRti virAsata meM milatI hai, usI taraha unake guNa-doSa bhI virAsata meM avazya milate haiN| hAM, zrAsa-pAsa ke vAtAvaraNake kAraNa taraha-tarahakI ghaTA-bar3hI jarUra ho jAtI hai; paraMtu mUla pUMjI to vahI rahatI hai, jo unheM bApa-dAdoMse milI hotI hai / yaha bhI maiMne dekhA hai ki kitane hI bAlaka doSoMkI isa virAsatase apane ko bacA lete haiM; para yaha to AtmAkA mUla svabhAva hai, usakI balihArI hai / 318 mere aura polake daramiyAna ina lar3akoMke aMgrejI-zikSaNa ke viSaya meM garamAgarama bAtacIta hotI rahI hai / maiMne zurUse hI yaha mAnA hai ki jo hiMdustAnI mAtA-pitA apane bAlakoMko bacapanase hI aMgrejI par3hanA aura bolanA sikhA dete haiM ve unakA aura dezakA droha karate haiM / merA yaha bhI mata hai ki isase bAlaka apane deza kI dhArmika aura sAmAjika virAsatase vaMcita raha jAte haiM aura usa zataka dezakI aura jagatkI sevA karaneke kama yogya apaneko banAte haiM / isa kAraNa maiM hamezA jAna-bUjhakara bAlakoMke sAtha gujarAtI meM hI bAtacIta karatA / polakako yaha pasaMda na AtA / vaha kahate- 'Apa bAlakoMke bhaviSyako bigAr3ate haiN|' vaha mujhe bar3e prAgraha aura premase samajhAte ki aMgrejI jaisI vyApaka bhASAko yadi bacce bacapana se hI sIkha leM to saMsArameM jo Aja jIvana-saMgharSa cala rahA hai| usakI eka bar3I maMjila ve sahajameM hI taya kara leNge| mujhe yaha dalIla na paTI | aba mujhe yAda nahIM par3atA ki aMtako merA javAba unheM jaMca gayA yA merI hThako dekhakara vaha khAmoza ho rahe / yaha vAtacIta koI bIsa barasa pahale kI hai / to mere usa samaya ye vicAra anubhava se aura bhI dRr3ha ho gaye haiM aura bhale hI mere bAlaka akSara jJAna meM kacce raha gaye hoM, phira bhI unheM mAtR bhASAkA jo sAmAnya jJAna sahaja hI mila gayA hai usase unako aura devako lAbha hI huA hai aura yAja de paradezI jaise nahIM ho rahe haiM / ve dubhASiyA to AsAnI se ho gaye the; kyoMki bar3e aMgreja mitra maMDalake sahavAsa meM Anese aura aise deza meM rahanese jahAM aMgrejI vizeSarUpa se bolI jAtI hai, ve aMgrejI bolanA aura mAmUlI likhanA sIkha gaye the /

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adhyAya 24 : julU 'balavA' 24 julU 'balavA' ghara banAkara baiThane ke bAda jamakara eka jagaha baiThanA mere nasIba meM likhA hI nahIM / johAnsabarga meM jamane lagA thA ki eka aisI ghaTanA ho gaI jisakI kalpanA bhI nahIM thI / samAcAra prAye ki neTAlameM julU logoMne 'balavA' khar3A kara diyA hai| mujhe julU logoMse koI duzmanI nahIM thI / unhoMne eka bhI hiMdustAnIko nukasAna nahIM pahuMcAyA thaa| svayaM 'balave ke bAremeM bhI mujhe zaMkA thI; paraMtu maiM usa samaya aMgrejI saltanatako saMsArake lie kalyANakArI mAnatA thA / maiM hRdayase usakA vaphAdAra thA / usakA kSaya maiM nahIM cAhatA thA / isalie bala-prayoga viSayaka nIti anItike vicAra mujhe apane irAdese roka nahIM sakate the / neTAlapara zrApatti Ave to usake pAsa rakSAke lie svayaMsevaka-senA thI aura grApattike samaya usameM jarUrata ke lAyaka aura bharatI bhI ho sakatI thI / maiMne akhabAroMmeM par3A ki svayaMsevaka senA isa 'balave ko zAMta karaneke lie cala par3I thI / maiM etat termvAsI mAnatA thA aura neTAlake sAtha merA nikaTa saMbaMdha thA hI / isalie maiMne vahAMke gavarnarako patra likhA ki yadi jarUrata ho to maiM ghAyaloM kI sevA-zuzrUSA karaneke lie hiMdustAniyoM kI eka Tukar3I lekara jAne ko taiyAra hUM / gavarnarane turaMta hI isako svIkAra kara liyaa| maiMne anukUla uttarakI athavA itanI jaldI uttara yA jAnekI AzA nahIM kI thI / phira bhI yaha patra likhane ke pahale maiMne apanA iMtajAma kara hI liyA thA ki yadi gavarnara hamAre prastAvako svIkAra kara le to johAnsabargakA ghara tor3a deM / polaka eka alaga choTA ghara lekara raheM aura kasturabAI phiniksa jAkara raheM / kastUrabAI isa yojanA pUrNa sahamata huiiN| aise kAmoMmeM usakI taraphase kabhI koI rukAvaTa thAnekA smaraNa mujhe nahIM hotA / gavarnarakA javAba Ate hI maiMne makAna mAlikako ghara khAlI karanekA eka mahInekA bAkAyadA noTisa de diyA / kucha sAmAna phiniksa gayA aura kucha polakake pAsa raha gayA / 316

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 Darabana pahuMcakara maiMne AdamI maaNge| bahuta logoMko jarUrata na thI / hama caubIsa AdamI taiyAra hue| unameM mere alAvA cAra gujarAtI the / zeSa madarAsa prAMtake giramiTa mukta hiMdustAnI the aura eka paThAna thA / 320 mujhe zrISadhi vibhAga ke mukhya adhikArIne ina Tukar3I meM 'sArajaMTa mejara' kA sthAyI pada diyA aura mere pasaMda kiye dUsare do sajjanoMko 'sArajaMTa' kI aura eka ko 'kArapola'kI padaviyAM diiN| vardI bhI sarakArakI taraphase milI / isakA kAraNa yaha thA ki eka to kAma karanevAloM ke zrAtma-sammAnakI rakSA ho, dUsare kAma suvidhA pUrvaka ho, aura tIsare aisI padavI denekA vahAM rivAja bhI thA / isa Tukar3Ine cha: saptAhataka satata sevA kI / 'balave' ke sthalapara jAkara maiMne dekhA ki vahAM 'balavA' jaisA kucha nahIM thA / koI sAmanA karatA huA dikhAI nahIM pdd'aa| use 'balavA' mAnanekA kAraNa yaha thA ki eka julU saradArane julU logoMpara baiThAye naye karako na denekI salAha unheM dI thI aura eka sArajaMTako, jo vahAM kara vasUla karaneke lie gayA thA, mAra DAlA thA / jo bhI ho, merA hRdaya to ina julUnoM kI tarapha thA aura apanI chAvanI meM pahuMcanepara jaba hameM khAsakarake julU ghAyaloMkI hI zuzrUSAkA kAma diyA gayA taba to mujhe bar3I khuzI huii| usa DAkTara adhikArI ne hamArI isa sevAkA svAgata karate hue kahA -- "gore loga ina ghAyaloMkI sevA karaneke lie taiyAra nahIM hote / maiM akelA kyA karatA ? inake ghAva kharAba ho rahe haiM / Apa A gaye, yaha acchA huA / ise maiM ina niraparAdha logoMpara IzvarakI kRpA hI samajhatA hUM / yaha kahakara mujhe paTTiyAM aura jaMtunAzaka pAnI diyA aura una ghAyaloMke pAsa le gye| ghAyala hameM dekhakara bar3e prAnaMdita hue / gore sipAhI jaMgalameM se jhAMka-jhAMkakara hamako ghAva dhone se rokane kI ceSTA karate aura hamAre na sunanepara ve julU logoM ko jo burIburI gAliyAM dete unheM sunakara hameM kAnoMmeM uMgaliyAM denI par3atIM / , dhIre-dhIre ina gore sipAhiyoMke sAtha bhI merA paricaya huA aura phira unhoMne mujhe rokanA baMda kara diyA / isa senAmeM karnala spAksa aura karnala bAyalI the, jinhoMne 1896 meM merA ghora virodha kiyA thA / ve mujhe isa kAma meM sammilita dekhakara cakita ho gaye / mujhe khAsa taurapara bulAkara unhoMne dhanyavAda diyA aura janarala maikeMjIke pAsa le jAkara unase merI mulAkAta karavAI /

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adhyAya 25 : hRdaya-maMthana 321 pAThaka yaha na samajha leM ki ye loga pezevara sainika the| karnala vAyalIkA pezA thA vakAlata | karnala spAksa kasAIkhAneke eka prasiddha mAlika the / janarala maikeMjI neTAlake eka mazahUra kisAna the / ye saba svayaM sevaka the aura svayaM sevaka ke rUpameM hI unhoMne sainika zikSA aura anubhava prApta kiyA thA / jina rogiyoMkI zuzrUSAkA kAma hameM sauMpA gayA thA, ve lar3AImeM ghAyala loga na the / unameM eka hissA to thA una kaidiyoMkA jo zubahapara pakar3e gaye the / janaralane unheM kor3e mArane kI sajA dI thii| isase unheM jarUma par3a gaye the aura unakA ilAja na honeke kAraNa paka gaye the / dUsarA hissA thA una logoMkA, jo julU-mitra kahalAte the / ye mitratAdarzaka cihna pahane hue the| phira bhI inheM sipAhiyoMne bhUlase jakhmI kara diyA thA / isake uparAMta khuda mujhe gore sipAhiyoM ke lie davA lAnekA aura unheM davA denekA kAma sauMpA gayA thA / pAThakoMko yAda hogA ki DAkTara bUthake choTese aspatAla meM maiMne eka sAlataka isakI tAlIma hAsila kI thI / isalie yahAM mujhe dikkata na pdd'ii| isakI badaulata bahutere goroMse merA paricaya ho gayA / paraMtu yuddha-sthalapara gaI huI senA eka hI jagaha nahIM par3I rahatI / jahAMjahAMse khatareke samAcAra Ate vahIM jA daudd'tii| unameM bahutere to ghur3a savAra the / hamArI phauja apane par3Avase clii| usake pIche-pIche hameM bhI DoliyAM kaMdhoMpara rakhakara calanA thA / do-tIna bAra to eka dinameM cAlIsa mIlataka calanekA prasaMga A gayA thaa| yahAM bhI hameM to basa vahI prabhukA kAma milA / jo julU - mitra bhUla se ghAyala ho gaye the unheM DoliyoMmeM uThAkara par3Avapara lejAnA thA aura vahAM unakI sevA-zuzrUSA karanI thI / 25 hRdaya-maMthana 'julU - vidroha meM mujhe bahutere anubhava hue aura vicAra karanekI bahuta sAmagrI milii| bora-saMgrAma meM yuddhakI bhayaMkaratA mujhe utanI nahIM mAlUma huI jitanI isa bAra / yaha lar3AI nahIM, manuSyakA zikAra thA / akele merA hI nahIM,

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322 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 balki dUsare aMgrejoMkA bhI yahI khayAla thaa| subaha hote hI hameM sainikoMkI golebArIkI AvAja paTAkhekI taraha sunAI par3atI, jo gAMvoMmeM jAkara goliyAM jhAr3ate / ina zabdoMko sunanA aura aisI sthitimeM rahanA mujhe bahuta burA mAlUma huaa| paraMtu maiM isa kaDuI chUTako pIkara raha gayA aura Izvara-kRpAse kAma bhI jo mujhe milA vaha bhI julU logoMkI sevAkA hii| maiMne yaha to dekha liyA thA ki yadi hamane isa kAmake lie kadama na bar3hAyA hotA to dUsare koI isake lie taiyAra na hote| isa bAtako smaraNa karake maiMne aMtarAtmAko zAMta kiyA / isa vibhAgameM AbAdI bahuta kama thii| pahAr3oM aura kaMdarAroMmeM bhale, mAde aura jaMgalI kahalAnevAle julU logoMke kUboM (jhoMpar3e) ke sivA vahAM kucha nahIM thaa| isase vahAMkA dRzya bar3A bhavya dikhAI par3atA thaa| mIloMtaka jaba hama binA bastIke pradezameM lagAtAra kisI ghAyalako lekara athavA khAlI hAtha maMjila taya karate taba merA mana taraha-tarahake vicAroMmeM DUba jAtA / yahAM brahmacarya-viSayaka mere vicAra paripakva hue| apane sAthiyoMke sAtha bhI maiMne usakI carcA kii| hAM, yaha bAta abhI mujhe spaSTa nahIM dikhAI detI thIM ki Izvara-darzanake lie brahmacarya anivArya hai| paraMtu yaha bAta maiM acchI taraha jAna gayA ki sevAke lie usakI bahuta AvazyakatA hai| maiM jAnatA thA ki isa prakArakI sevAeM mujhe dina-dina adhikAdhika karanI par3eMgI aura yadi maiM bhogavilAsameM, prajotpattimeM, aura saMtati-pAlanameM lagA rahA to maiM pUrI taraha sevA na kara skuuNgaa| maiM do ghor3oMpara savArI nahIM kara sktaa| yadi patnI isa samaya garbhavatI hotI to maiM nizcita hokara Aja isa sevA-kAryameM nahIM kUda sakatA thaa| yadi brahmacaryakA pAlana na kiyA jAya to kuTuMba-vRddhi manuSyake usa prayatnakI virodhaka ho jAya, jo use samAjake abhyudayake lie karanA cAhie; para yadi vivAhita hokara bhI brahmacaryakA pAlana ho sake to kuTuMba-sevA samAja-sevAkI virodhaka nahIM ho sktii| maiM ina vicAroMke bhaMvarameM par3a gayA aura brahmacaryakA vrata le lene ke lie kucha adhIra ho utthaa| ina vicAroMse mujhe eka prakArakA AnaMda hunA aura merA utsAha bddh'aa| isa samaya kalpanAne mere sAmane sevAkA kSetra bahuta vizAla kara diyA thaa| ye vicAra abhI maiM apane mana meM gar3ha rahA thA aura zarIrako kasa hI rahA thA

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adhyAya 25 : hRdaya-maMthana 323 ki itane meM koI yaha aphavAha lAyA ki 'balavA' zAnta ho gayA hai aura aba hameM chuTTI mila jaaygii| dUsare hI dina hameM ghara jAnekA hukma huA aura thor3e hI dinoM bAda hama saba apane-apane ghara pahuMca gye| isake kucha hI dina bAda gavarnarane isa sevAke nimitta mere nAma dhanyavAda kA eka khAsa patra bhejA / phiniksa meM pahuMcakara maiMne brahmacarya viSayaka apane vicAra bar3I tatparatA se chaganalAla, maganalAla, vesTa ityAdike sAmane rkhe| sabako pasaMda Aye / sabane brahmacarya kI AvazyakatA smjhii| paraMtu sabako usakA pAlana bar3A kaThina mAlUma huA / kitanoMne hI prayatna karanekA sAhasa bhI kiyA aura maiM mAnatA hUM ki kucha to usameM avazya saphala hue haiM / maiMne to usI samaya vrata le liyA ki Ajase jIvana paryaMta brahmacaryakA pAlana karUMgA / isa vratakA mahattva aura usakI kaThinatA maiM usa samaya pUrI na samajha sukA thA / kaThinAiyoMkA anubhava to maiM bAja taka bhI karatA rahatA hUM / sAtha hI usa vratakA mahattva bhI dina-dina adhikAdhika samajhatA jAtA hUM / brahmacarya - hIna jIvana mujhe zuSka aura pazuvat mAlUma hotA hai / pazu svabhAvataH niraMkuza hai, manuSyakA manuSyatva isI bAta hai ki vaha svecchA se apaneko aMkuza meM rakkhe / brahmacaryakI jo stuti dharmagraMthoMmeM kI gaI hai usameM pahale mujhe pratyukti mAlUma hotI thI / paraMtu aba dina-dina vaha adhikAdhika spaSTa hotA jAtA hai ki vaha bahuta hI ucita aura anubhava siddha hai / vaha brahmacarya jisake aise mahAn phala prakaTa hote haiM, koI haMsI-khela nahIM hai, kevala zArIrika vastu nahIM hai / zArIrika aMkuzase to brahmacaryakA zrIgaNeza hotA hai / paraMtu zuddha brahmacaryameM to vicAra takakI malinatA na honI caahie| pUrNa brahmacArI svapnameM bhI bure vicAra nahIM krtaa| jabataka bure sapane AyA karate haiM, svaptameM bhI vikAra - prabala hotA rahatA hai tabataka yaha mAnanA cAhie ki abhI brahmacarya bahuta apUrNa hai / mujhe to kAyika brahmacarya ke pAlanameM bhI mahAkaSTa sahanA pdd'aa| isa samaya to yaha kaha sakatA hUM ki maiM isake viSaya meM nirbhaya ho gayA hUM; paraMtu apane vicAroMpara abhI pUrNa vijaya prApta nahIM kara sakA huuN| maiM nahIM samajhatA

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324 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 mere prayatna meM kahIM kasara ho rahI hai; paraMtu maiM aba taka nahIM jAna sakA ki aise-aise vicAra, jinheM hama nahIM cAhate haiM, kahAMse aura kisa taraha hamapara car3hAI kara dete haiN| hAM, isa bAta meM mujhe kucha bhI saMdeha nahIM hai ki vicAroMko bhI roka lene kI kuMjI manuSyake pAsa hai / para abhI to maiM isa nirNayapara pahuMcA hUM ki vaha cAbI pratyekako apane lie khojanI par3atI hai / mahApuruSa jo anubhava apane pIche chor3a gaye haiM ve hamAre lie mArga-darzaka haiM, unheM hama pUrNa nahIM kaha sakate / pUrNatA merI samajhameM kevala prabhu prasAdI hai aura isIlie bhakta loga apanI tapazcaryAse punIta karake rAmanAmAdi maMtra hamAre lie chor3a gaye haiM / mujhe vizvAsa hotA hai ki apane ko pUrNarUpase IzvarArpaNa kiye binA vicAroMpara pUrI vijaya kabhI nahIM mila sakatI / samasta dharma-pustakoMmeM maiMne aise vacana par3he haiM aura apane brahmacarya ke sUkSmatama pAlanake prayatnake saMbaMdha meM maiM unakI satyatAkA anubhava bhI kara rahA hUM / paraMtu merI isa chaTapaTAhaTakA thor3A-bahuta itihAsa agale adhyAyoMmeM Ane hI vAlA hai, isalie isa prakaraNake aMta meM to itanA hI kaha detA hUM ki apane utsAha zrAvegameM pahale-pahala to mujhe isa vratakA pAlana sarala mAlUma huA / paraMtu eka bAta to maiMne vrata lete hI zurU kara dI thI / patnI ke sAtha eka zayyA athavA ekAMta sevanakA tyAga kara diyA thA / isa taraha icchA yA anicchAse jisa brahmacarya kA pAlana maiM 1900 se karatA AyA hUM usakA prAraMbha vratake rUpameM 1906 ke madhya meM huA / 26 satyAgrahakI utpatti johAnsabarga meM mere lie aisI racanA taiyAra ho rahI thI ki merI yaha eka prakArakI zrAtma zuddhi mAno satyAgrahake hI nimitta huI ho / brahmacaryakA vrata le lene taka mere jIvanakI tamAma mukhya ghaTanAeM mujhe chipe chipe satyAgrahake lie hI taiyAra kara rahI thIM, aisA aba dikhAI par3atA hai / 'satyAgraha' zabda kI utpatti hone ke pahale satyAgraha vastukI utpatti huI hai / jisa samaya usakI utpatti huI usa samaya to maiM khuda bhI nahIM jAna sakA ki yaha

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adhyAya 26 : satyAgrahakI utpatti 325 cIja daraasala kyA hai / gujarAtI meM hama use 'paisiva rejisTeMsa' isa aMgrejI nAmase pahacAnane lage; para jaba goroMkI eka sabhAmeM maiMne dekhA ki 'paisiva rejisTeMsa'kA saMkucita artha kiyA jAtA hai, vaha nirvalakA hathiyAra samajhA jAtA hai, usameM dveSake astitvakI bhI saMbhAvanA hai aura usakA aMtima rUpa hiMsAmeM pariNata ho sakatA hai taba mujhe isa zabdakA virodha karanA par3A aura bhAratIyoMke saMgrAmakA saccA rUpa logoMko samajhAnA par3A-- aura usa samaya hiMdustAniyoMko apane saMgrAmakA paricaya karAne ke lie eka nayA zabda gar3hanekI jarUrata pdd'ii| paraMtu mujhe isake lie koI svataMtra zabda mUjha nahIM par3atA thaa| ataeva usake nAmake lie eka inAma rakkhA gayA aura 'iMDiyana opIniyana ke pAThakoMmeM. usake lie eka hor3a zurU kraaii| isake phalasvarUpa maganalAla gAMdhIne 'sat-- Agraha = sadAgraha' zabda banAkara bhejaa| unheM inAma milA; paraMtu sadAgraha zabda ko adhika spaSTa karane ke lie maiMne bIca meM 'ya' jor3akara satyAgraha zabda banAyA; aura phira isa nAmase vaha saMgrAma pukArA jAne lgaa| isa yuddhake itihAsako dakSiNa aphrIkAke mere jIvanakA aura vizeSa karake mere satyake prayogoMkA itihAsa kaha sakate hai| isa yuddhakA itihAsa maina bahuta-kucha yaravadA-jelameM likha DAlA thA aura zeSAMza bAhara nikalanepara pUrA kara ddaalaa| vaha saba 'navajIvana meM kramazaH prakAzita huA hai aura bAdako 'dakSiNa aphrIkAke satyAgrahakA itihAsa' nAmase pustaka-rUpameM bhI prakAzita huA hai|' jina sajjanAna usa na par3hA ho unase meM par3ha jAnekI siphAriza karatA huuN| use itihAsameM jina vAtoMkA ullekha ho cukA hai unako chor3akara dakSiNa aphrIkAke mere jIvana ke kucha khAnagI prasaMga jo usameM raha gaye haiM vahI ina adhyAyoMmeM denekA vicAra karatA hUM aura unake pUrA ho jAneke bAda hI hiMdustAnake prayogoMkA paricaya pAThakoMko karAnekI icchA hai / 'hiMdImeM yaha 'sastA-sAhitya maNDala,' naI dillIse prakAzita huA hai| -anuvAdaka

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 isalie ina prayogoMke prasaMgoMke kramako jo sajjana avicchina rakhanA cAhate haiM unheM cAhie ki ve aba apane sAmane 'dakSiNa aphrIkAke itihAsa ke una adhyAyoMko rakha leN| bhojanake aura prayoga aba mujhe eka phikra to yaha lagI ki mana, karma aura vacanase brahmacaryakA / pAlana kisa prakAra ho aura dUsarI yaha ki satyAgraha-saMgrAmake lie adhika-seadhika samaya kisa taraha bacAyA jAya aura adhika zuddhi kaise ho| ina do phikroMne mujhe apane bhojanameM adhika saMyama aura adhika parivartanakI preraNA kii| phira jo parivartana meM pahale mukhyataH ArogyakI dRSTi se karatA thA ve aba dhArmika dRSTise hone lge| isameM upavAsa aura alpAhArane adhika sthAna liyaa| jinake aMdara viSaya-vAsanA rahatI hai unakI jIbha bahuta svAda-lolupa rahatI hai| yahI sthiti merI bhI thii| jananeMdriya aura svAdeMdriyapara kabjA karate hae majhe bahata viDaMbanA sahanI par3I hai aura aba bhI maiM yaha dAvA nahIM kara sakatA ki ina donoMpara maiMne pUrI vijaya prApta kara lI hai / maiMne apaneko atyAhArI mAnA hai| mitroMne jise merA saMyama mAnA hai use maiMne kabhI vaisA nahIM mAnA / jitanA aMkuza maiM apanepara rakha sakA hUM utanA yadi na rakha sakA hotA to maiM pazuse bhI gayA-bItA hokara abataka kabhIkA nAzako prApta ho gayA hotaa| maiM apanI khAmiyoMko ThIka-ThIka jAnatA hUM aura kaha sakatA hUM ki unheM dUra karaneke lie maiMne bhArI prayatna kiye haiN| aura usIse maiM itane sAlataka isa zarIrako TikA sakA hUM aura usase kucha kAma le sakA hUM / isa bAtakA bhAna hone ke kAraNa aura isa prakArakI saMgati anAyAsa mila jAneke kAraNa maiMne ekAdazIke dina phalAhAra athavA upavAsa zurU kiye / janmASTamI ityAdi dUsarI tithiyoMpara bhI upavAsa karane lagA; paraMtu saMyamakI dRSTise phalAhAra aura annAhArameM mujhe bahuta bheda dikhAI na diyA / anAjake nAmase hama jina vastuoMko jAnate haiM unameM se jo rasa milatA hai vahI phalAhArase

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adhyAya 27 : bhojanake aura prayoga 327 bhI milatA hai aura Adata par3aneke bAda to maiMne dekhA ki unase adhika hI rasa milatA hai / isa kAraNa ina tithiyoMke dina sUkhA upavAsa athavA ekAsane ' ko adhika mahattva detA gayA / phira prAyazcitta grAdikA bhI koI nimitta mila jAtA to usa dina bhI ekAsanA kara DAlatA / isase maiMne yaha anubhava kiyA ki zarIra ke adhika svaccha ho jAnese rasoMkI vRddhi huI, bhUkha bar3hI aura maiMne dekhA ki upavAsAdi jahAM eka ora saMyama sAdhana haiM vahIM dUsarI ora ve bhogake sAdhana bhI bana sakate haiN| yaha jJAna ho jAnepara isake samarthana meM usI prakArake mere tathA dUsaroMke kitane hI anubhava hue haiN| mujhe to yadyapi apanA zarIra adhika acchA aura sugaThita banAnA thA tathApi to mukhya hetu thA saMyamako sAdhanA aura rasoMko jItanA / isalie bhojanakI cIjoMmeM aura unakI mAtrAmeM parivartana karane lagA, paraMtu rasa to hAtha dhokara pIche hI par3e rahate / eka vastuko chor3akara jaba usakI jagaha dUsarI vastu letA to usameMse bhI naye aura adhika rasa utpanna hone lagate / ina prayogoM meM mere sAtha aura sAthI bhI the / haramana kelanabeka inameM mukhya the / inakA paricaya 'dakSiNa akIkA ke satyAgraha ke itihAsa' meM de cukA hU~ | isalie phira yahAM denekA irAdA chor3a diyA hai| unhoMne mere pratyeka upavAsa meM, ekAsanemeM evaM dUsare parivartanoMmeM, merA sAtha diyA thaa| jaba hamAre prAMdolanakA raMga khUba jamA thA taba to maiM unhIMke gharameM rahatA thA / hama donoM apane ina parivartanoMke viSaya meM carcA karate aura naye parivartanoMmeM purAne rasoMse bhI adhika rasa pIte / usa samaya to ye saMvAda bar3e mIThe bhI lagate the / yaha nahIM mAlUma hotA thA ki unameM koI bAta anucita hotI thI / para anubhavane sikhAyA ki aise rasoMmeM gote khAnA bhI anucita thA / isakA artha yaha huA ki manuSyako rasake lie nahIM; balki zarIrako kAyama rakhane ke lie hI bhojana karanA caahie| pratyeka iMdriyAM jaba kevala zarIrake aura zarIrake dvArA AtmA ke darzanake hI lie kAma karatI hai taba usake rasa zUnyavat ho jAte haiM aura tabhI kaha sakate haiM ki vaha svAbhAvika rUpameM apanA kAma karatI hai / aisI svAbhAvikatA prApta karaneke lie jitane prayoga kiye jAyaM utane " dinameM eka bAra bhojana karanA /

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328 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 hI kama haiM aura aisA karate hue yadi aneka zarIroMkI Ahuti denA par3e to bhI hameM usakI paravA na karanI caahie| para abhI Aja-kala ulaTI gaMgA baha rahI hai / nAzavAn zarIrako suzobhita karane aura usakI Ayuko bar3hAneke lie hama aneka prANiyoMkA balidAna karate haiN| para yaha nahIM samajhate ki usase zarIra aura AtmA donoMkA hanana hotA hai| eka rogako miTAte hue, iMdriyoMke bhogoMko bhoganekA udyoga karate hue, hama naye-naye roga paidA karate haiM aura aMtako bhoga bhoganekI zakti bhI kho baiThate haiN| sabase bar3hakara AzcaryakI bAta to yaha hai ki isa kriyAko apanI aAMkhoMke sAmane hote hue dekhakara bhI hama use dekhanA nahIM cAhate / / ___ bhojanake prayogoMkA abhI maiM aura varNana karanA cAhatA hUM; isalie usakA uddezya aura tadviSayaka merI vicAra-saraNi pAThakoMke sAmane rakha denA Avazyaka thA / 28 patnIkI dRr3hatA kastUrabAIpara tIna ghAteM huI aura tInoMmeM vaha mahaja gharelU ilAjase baca giiN| pahalI ghaTanA to tabakI hai jaba satyAgraha-saMgrAma cala rahA thaa| usako bAra-bAra raktasrAva huA karatA / eka DAkTara mitrane naztara lagavAnekI salAha dI thii| bar3I AnAkAnIke bAda vaha naztarake lie rAjI huii| zarIra bahuta kSINa ho gayA thA / DAkTarane binA behoza kiye hI naztara lgaayaa| usa samaya use darda to bahuta ho rahA thA; para jisa dhIrajase kastUrabAIne use sahana kiyA hai use dekhakara maiM dAMtoM tale aMgulI dene lgaa| naztara acchI taraha laga gyaa| DAkTara aura usakI dharmapatnIne kastUrabAIkI bahuta acchI taraha zuzrUSA kii| yaha ghaTanA DarabanakI hai| do yA tIna dina bAda DAkTarane mujhe nizcita hokara johAnsabarga jAnekI chuTTI de dii| maiM calA bhI gayA; para thor3e hI dinameM samAcAra mile ki kastUrabAIkA zarIra bilakula simaTatA nahIM hai aura vaha bichaunase uTha-baiTha bhI nahIM sktii| eka bAra behoza bhI ho gaI thii| DAkTara jAnate the ki majhase pUche binA kastUrabAIko zarAba yA mAMsa-davAmeM athavA

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adhyAya 28 : patnIkI dRr3hatA 326 bhojanameM-nahIM diyA jA sakatA thaa| so unhoMne mujhe johAnsabarga TelIphona kiyA-- "ApakI patnIko maiM mAMsakA zoravA aura 'vIpha TI' denekI jarUrata samajhatA huuN| mujhe ijAjata diijie|" maiMne javAba diyA, "maiM to ijAjata nahIM de sktaa| paraMtu kastUrabAI AjAda hai| usakI hAlata pUchane lAyaka ho to pUcha dekhie aura vaha lenA cAhe to jarUra dIjie / " "bImArase maiM aisI bAteM nahIM pUchanA caahtaa| Apa khuda yahAM A jAie / jo cIjeM meM batAtA hUM unake khAnekI ijAjata yadi Apa na deM to maiM ApakI patnIkI jiMdagIke lie jimmedAra nahIM huuN|" yaha sunakara maiM usI dina Darabana ravAnA huaa| DAkTarase milanepara unhoMne kahA-- " maiMne to zoravA pilAkara Apako TelIphona kiyA thaa|" maiMne kahA-- "DAkTara, yaha to vizvAsaghAta hai / " "ilAja karate vakta maiM dagA-vagA kucha nahIM smjhtaa| hama DAkTara loga aise samaya bImArako, usake riztedAroMko, dhokhA denA puNya samajhate haiN| hamArA dharma to hai jisa taraha ho sake rogIko bacAnA / " DAkTarane dRr3hatApUrvaka uttara diyA / yaha sunakara mujhe bar3A duHkha huaa| para maiMne zAMti dhAraNa kii| DAkTara mitra the, sajjana the| unakA aura unakI patnIkA mujhapara bar3A ahasAna thaa| para maiM unake isa vyavahArako bardAzta karaneke lie taiyAra na thA / DAkTara, aba sApha-sApha bAteM kara lIjie / batAie, Apa kyA karanA cAhate haiM ? merI patnIko binA usakI icchAke mAMsa nahIM dene dUMgA, usake na lenese yadi vaha maratI ho to ise sahana karaneke lie maiM taiyAra huuN|" DAkTara bole--" ApakA yaha siddhAMta mere ghara nahIM cala sktaa| maiM to Apase kahatA hUM ki ApakI patnI jabataka mere yahAM hai tabataka maiM mAMsa athavA jo kucha denA munAsiva samajhUgA jarUra duuNgaa| agara Apako yaha maMjUra nahIM hai to Apa apanI patnIko yahAMse le jaaie| apane hI gharameM maiM isa taraha unheM nahIM marane duuNgaa|"

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 " to kyA ApakA yaha matalaba hai ki maiM patnIko abhI le jAUM ?" " maiM kahAM kahatA hUM ki le jaao| maiM to yaha kahatA hUM ki mujhapara koI zarta na lAdo to hama donoMse inakI jitanI sevA ho sakegI kareMge aura Apa ArAmase jaaie| jo yaha sIdhI-sI bAta samajhameM na AtI ho to mujhe majabUrIse kahanA hogA ki Apa apanI patnIko mere gharase le jaaie|" merA khayAla hai ki merA eka lar3akA usa samaya mere sAtha thaa| usase maiMne pUchA to usane kahA-- hAM, ApakA kahanA ThIka hai| bA ko mAMsa kaise de sakate haiM ?" __phira meM kastUrabAIke pAsa gayA / vaha bahuta kamajora ho gaI thii| usase kucha bhI pUchanA mere lie duHkhadAyI thaa| para apanA dharma samajhakara maiMne UparakI vAtacIta use thoDe meM samajhA dii| usane daDhatApUrvaka javAba diyA-- "maiM mAMsakA zorabA nahIM luuNgii| yaha manuSya-deha bAra-bAra nahIM milA krtii| ApakI godImeM maiM mara jAUM to paravAha nahIM; para apanI dehako maiM bhraSTa nahIM hone duuNgii|" maiMne use bahuterA samajhAyA aura kahA ki tuma mere vicAroMke anusAra calaneke lie bAdhya nahIM ho| maiMne use yaha bhI batA diyA ki kitane hI apane paricita hiMdU bhI davAke lie zarAba aura mAMsa lene meM paraheja nahIM karate / para vaha apanI bAtase bilakula na DigI aura mujhase kahA-- "mujhe yahAMse le clo|" yaha dekhakara maiM bar3A khuza huaa| kiMtu le jAte hue bar3I ciMtA huii| para maiMne to nizcaya kara hI DAlA aura DAkTarako bhI patnIkA nizcaya sunA diyaa| vaha bigar3akara bole--- "Apa to bar3e ghAtaka pati mAlUma hote haiM / aisI nAjuka hAlatameM usa becArIse aisI bAta karate hue Apako zarama nahIM mAlUma huI ? maiM kahatA hUM ki ApakI patnIkI hAlata yahAMse le jAneke lAyaka nahIM hai| unake zarIrakI hAlata aisI nahIM hai ki jarA bhI dhakkA sahana kara ske| rAste hImeM dama nikala jAya to tAjjuba nhiiN| phira bhI Apa haTha-dharmIse na mAneM to Apa jaaneN| yadi zorabA na dene deM to eka rAta bhI unheM mere gharameM rakhanekI jokhima maiM nahIM letaa|" rimajhima-rimajhima meha barasa rahA thaa| sTezana dUra thaa| Darabanase phiniksataka rela rAste aura phiniksase lagabhaga DhAI mIlataka paidala jAnA thaa|

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adhyAya 28 : patnIkI dRr3hatA 331 khatarA pUrA-pUrA thaa| para maiMne yahI soca liyA ki Izvara saba taraha madada kregaa| pahale eka AdamIko phiniksa bheja diyaa| phiniksameM hamAre yahAM eka haimaka thA / haimaka kahate haiM jAlIdAra kapar3e kI jholI athavA paalneko| usake siroMko bAMsase bAMdha denepara bImAra usameM ArAmase jhUlA karatA hai / maiMne vesTako kahalAyA ki vaha hai maka, eka botala garama dUdha, eka botala garama pAnI aura chaH prAdamiyoMko lekara phiniksa sTezanapara A jAyaM / . jaba dUsarI Trena calane kA samaya huA taba maiMne rikzA maMgAI aura usa bhayaMkara sthitimeM patnIko lekara cala diyA / patnIkI himmata dilAnekI mujhe jarUrata nahIM par3I, ulaTA mujhIko himmata dilAte hue usane kahA-- " mujhe kucha nukasAna na hogA, Apa ciMtA na kreN|" isa ThaTharImeM vajana to kucha rahI nahIM gayA thaa| khAnA peTameM jAtA hI na thA / Trenake Dabbetaka pahuMcaneke lie sTezanake laMbe-caur3e pleTaphArmapara dUrataka calakara jAnA thaa| kyoMki rikzA vahAMtaka pahaMca nahIM sakatI thii| maiM use sahArA dekara Dabbetaka le gayA / phiniksa sTezanapara to vaha jholI A gaI thI, usameM hama rogIko ArAmase gharataka le gye| vahAM kevala pAnIke upacArase dhIre-dhIre usakA zarIra banane lgaa| phiniksa pahuMcaneke do-tIna dina bAda eka svAmIjI hamAre yahAM padhAre / jaba hamArI haTha-dharmIkI kathA unhoMne sunI to hamapara unako bar3A tarasa AyA aura vaha hama donoMko samajhAne lge| mujhe jahAMtaka yAda AtA hai, maNilAla aura rAmadAsa bhI usa samaya maujUda the| svAmIjIne mAMsAhArakI nirdoSatApara eka vyAkhyAna jhAr3A; manusmRti ke zloka sunaaye| patnI ke sAmane jo isakI bahasa unhoMne cher3I, yaha mujhe acchA na mAlUma huA; paraMtu ziSTAcArakI khAtira maiMne usameM dakhala na diyaa| mujhe mAMsAhArake samarthanameM manusmRtike pramANoMkI AvazyakatA na thii| unakA patA mujhe thaa| maiM yaha bhI jAnatA thA ki aise loga bhI haiM jo unheM prakSipta samajhate haiM / yadi ve prakSipta na ho to bhI andAhAra-saMbaMdhI mere vicAra svataMtra-rUpase bana cuke the; para kastUravAI kI to zraddhA hI kAma kara rahI thI, vaha becArI zAstroMke pramANoMko kyA jAnatI ? usake najadIka to paramparAgata rUr3hi hI dharma thaa| lar3akoMko apane pitAke dharmapara vizvAsa thA, isase ve svAmIjIke sAtha vinoda karate jAte

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332 Atma-kathA ! bhAga 4 the| aMtako kastUrabAIne yaha kahakara isa bahasako baMda kara diyA--- ___ "svAmIjI, Apa kucha bhI kahie, maiM mAMsakA zorabA khAkara caMgI honA nahIM cAhatI / aba bar3I dayA hogI, agara Apa merA sira na khpaaveN| maiMne to apanA nizcaya Apase kaha diyaa| aba aura bAteM raha gaI hoM to Apa ina lar3akoMke bApase jAkara kIjiegA / " 26 gharameM satyAgraha (1908meM mujhe pahalI bAra jelakA anubhava huaa| usa samaya mujhe yaha bAta mAlUma huI ki jelameM jo kitane hI niyama kaidiyoMse pAlana karAye jAte haiM, ve eka saMyamIko athavA brahmacArIko svecchA-pUrvaka pAlana karanA caahie|' jaise ki kaidiyoMko sUryAstake pahale pAMca bajetaka bhojana kara lenA caahie| unheMphira ve habzI hoM yA hiMdustAnI-- cAya yA kAphI na dI jAya, namaka khAnA ho to alahadA leM, svAdake lie koI cIja na khilAI jAya / jaba maiMne jelake DAkTarase hiMdustAnI kaidiyoMke lie 'karI pAuDara' mAMgA aura namaka rasoI pakAte vakta hI DAlaneke lie kahA taba unhoMne javAba diyA ki "Apa loga yahAM svAdiSTa cIjeM khAneke lie nahIM Aye haiN| Arogyake lie 'karI pAuDara'kI bilakula jarUrata nhiiN| Arogyake lie namaka cAhe Uparase liyA jAya, cAhe pakAte vakta DAla diyA jAya, eka hI bAta hai / ' __khaira, vahAM to bar3I muzkilase hama loga bhojanameM Avazyaka parivartana karA pAye the, paraMtu saMyamakI dRSTise jaba unapara vicAra karate haiM to mAlUma hotA ki ye donoM pratibaMdha acche hI the| kisIkI jabaradastIse niyamoMkA pAlana karanese usakA phala nahIM miltaa| paraMtu svecchAse aise pratibaMdhakA pAlana 'ye anubhava hindImeM 'mere jelake anubhava' ke nAmase pratApa-presa, kAnapura, se pustakAkAra prakAzita ho cuke haiN| 1916-17 meM maiMne inakA anuvAda pratApa-presake lie kiyA thA |-anuvaadk

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adhyAya 29 : gharameM satyAgraha 333 kiyA jAya to vaha bahuta upayogI ho sakatA hai / zrataeva jelase nikalaneke bAda maiMne turaMta ina bAtoMkA pAlana zurU kara diyaa| jahAMtaka ho sake cAya pInA baMda kara diyA aura zAmake pahale bhojana karanekI bAdata DAlI, jo Aja svAbhAvika baiThI haiM / paraMtu aisI bhI eka ghaTanA ghaTI, jisakI badaulata maiMne namaka bhI chor3a diyA thA / vaha krama lagabhaga dasa varasataka niyamita rUpase jArI rahA / grannAhArasaMbaMdhI kucha pustakoMmeM maiMne par3hA thA ki manuSya ke lie namaka khAnA zrAvazyaka nahIM haiN| jo namaka nahIM khAtA hai ArogyakI dRSTise use lAbha hI hotA hai aura merI to yaha bhI kalpanA daur3a gaI thI ki brahmacArIko bhI usase lAbha hogaa| jisakA zarIra nirbala ho use dAla na khAnI cAhie, yaha maiMne par3hA thA aura anubhava bhI kiyA thA / paraMtu maiM usI samaya unheM chor3a na sakA thA; kyoMki donoM cIjeM mujhe priya thIM / naztara lagAneke bAda yadyapi kastUravAIkA raktasrAva kucha samayake lie baMda ho gayA thA, tathApi bAdako vaha phira jArI ho gyaa| abakI vaha kisI taraha miTAye na miTA / pAnIke ilAja bekAra sAbita hue| mere ina upacAroMpara patnI kI bahuta zraddhA na thI; para sAtha hI tiraskAra bhI na thA / dUsarA ilAja karane kA bhI use prAgraha na thA; isalie jaba mere dUsare upacAroMmeM saphalatA na milI taba maiMne usako samajhAyA ki dAla aura namaka chor3a do| maiMne use samajhAnekI hada kara dI, apanI bAtake samarthanameM kucha sAhitya bhI par3hakara sunAyA, para vaha nahIM mAnatI thI / to usane jhuMjhalAkara kahA -- " dAla aura namaka chor3aneke lie to Apase bhI koI kahe to Apa bhI na chor3eMge / " isa javAbako sunakara, eka ora jahAM mujhe duHkha huAA tahAM dUsarI ora harSa bhI huA; kyoMki isase mujhe apane premakA paricaya denekA avasara milA / usa harSa se maiMne turaMta kahA, "tumhArA khayAla galata hai, meM yadi bImAra hoUM aura mujhe yadi vaidya ina cIjoMko chor3aneke lie kaheM to jarUra chor3a dUM / para aisA kyoM ? lo, tumhAre lie maiM Aja hIse dAla aura namaka eka sAlataka chor3e detA hUM / tuma chor3o yA na chor3o, maiMne to chor3a diyA / 33 yaha dekhakara patnIko bar3A pazcAttApa huaa| vaha kaha uThI- "mApha

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 334 karo, ApakA mijAja jAnate hue bhI yaha bAta mere muMhase nikala gaI / ava maiM to dAla aura namaka na khAUMgI, para grApa apanA vacana vApasa le lIjie / yaha to mujhe bhArI sajA de dI / 33 maiMne kahA -- "tuma dAla aura namaka chor3a do to bahuta hI acchA hogA / mujhe vizvAsa hai ki usase tumheM lAbha hI hogA, paraMtu maiM jo pratijJA kara cukA hUM vaha nahIM TUTa sakatI / mujhe bhI usase lAbha hI hogaa| hara kisI nimitta se manuSya yadi saMyamakA pAlana karatA hai to isase use lAbha hI hotA hai / isalie tuma isa bAtapara jora na do; kyoMki isase mujhe bhI apanI AjamAiza kara lenekA maukA milegA aura tumane jo inako chor3anekA nizciya kiyA hai, usapara dRr3ha rahanemeM bhI tumheM madada milegI / " itanA kahane ke bAda to mujhe manAnekI AvazyakatA raha nahIM gaI thI / " Apa to bar3e haThI haiM, kisIkA kahA mAnanA Apane sIkhA hI nahIM / " yaha kahakara vaha AMsU bahAtI huI cupa ho rahI / isako maiM pAThakoM sAmane satyAgraha ke taurapara peza karanA cAhatA hUM aura maiM kahanA cAhatA hUM ki maiM ise apane jIvanakI mIThI smRtiyoM meM ginatA hUM / isake bAda to kastUrabAIkA svAsthya khUba samhalane lagA / aba yaha namaka aura dAlake tyAgakA phala hai, yA usa tyAgase hue bhojanake choTe-bar3e parivartanoMkA phala thA, yA usake bAda dUsare niyamoMkA pAlana karAne kI merI jAgarUkatAkA phala thA, yA isa ghaTanAke kAraNa jo mAnasika ullAsa huA usakA phala thA, yaha maiM nahIM kaha sakatA / paraMtu yaha bAta jarUra huI ki kastUrabAIkA sUkhA zarIra phira panapane lagA / raktasrAva baMda ho gayA aura 'vaidyarAja' ke nAmase merI sAkha kucha bar3ha gaI / khuda mujhapara bhI ina donoM cIjoMko chor3a denekA acchA hI asara huA / chor3a deneke bAda to namaka yA dAla khAnekI icchAtaka na rahI / yoM eka sAla bItate dera na lagI / isase iMdriyoMkI zAMtikA adhika anubhava hone lagA aura saMyamakI vRddhi kI tarapha mana adhika daur3ane lgaa| eka varSa pUrA ho jAnepara bhI dAla aura namakakA tyAga to TheTha dezameM Anetaka jArI rhaa| hAM, bIca meM sirpha eka hI bAra vilAyata 1994meM, dAla aura namaka khAyA thA; para isa ghaTanAkA tathA dezameM Aneke bAda ina cIjoMko zurU karaneke kAraNoM kA varNana pIche karUMgA /

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adhyAya 30 : saMyamakI ora namaka aura dAla chur3Aneke prayoga maiMne sAthiyoMpara khUba kiye haiM aura dakSiNa aphrIkA meM to usake pariNAma acche hI Aye the| vaidyakakI dRSTise ina donoM cIjoMke tyAgake saMbaMdhameM do mata ho sakate haiN| para saMyamakI dRSTi se to inake tyAgameM lAbha hI hai, isameM saMdeha nhiiN| bhogI aura saMyamIkA bhojana aura mArga avazya hI judA-judA honA caahie| brahmacarya pAlana karanekI icchA karanevAle loga bhogIkA jIvana vitAkara brahmacaryako kaThina aura kitanI hI bAra prAyaH azakya kara DAlate haiN| saMyamakI bhora pichale adhyAyameM yaha bAta kaha cukA hUM ki bhojanameM kitane hI parivartana kastUravAIkI bImArIkI badaulata hue| para aba to dina-dina usameM brahmacaryakI dRSTise parivartana karatA gayA / pahalA parivartana huA dUdhakA tyAga / dUdhame iMdriya-vikAra paidA hote haiM, yaha bAta maiM pahale-pahala rAyacaMdabhAIse samajhA thaa| annAhAra-saMbaMdhI aMgrejI pustakeM par3hanese isa vicArameM vRddhi huii| paraMtu jabataka brahmacaryakA vrata nahIM liyA thA tabataka dUdha chor3ane kA irAdA khAsa taurapara nahIM kara sakA thaa| yaha bAta to maiM kabhIse samajha gayA thA ki zarIra-rakSAke lie dUdhakI AvazyakatA nahIM hai, para usakA sahasA chUTa jAnA kaThina thaa| eka ora maiM yaha bAta adhikAdhika samajhatA hI jA rahA thA ki iMdriyadamanake lie dUdha chor3a denA cAhie ki dUsarI ora kalakattAse aisA sAhitya mere pAsa pahuMcA jisameM gvAle logoMke dvArA gAya-bhaiMsoMpara honevAle atyAcAroM kA varNana thaa| isa sAhityakA mujhapara bar3A burA asara huA aura usake saMbaMdhameM maiMne mi0 kelanavekase bhI bAtacIta kI / hAlAMki mi0 kelanabekakA paricaya meM 'satyAgrahake itihAsa meM karA cukA hUM aura pichale eka adhyAyameM bhI unakA ullekha kara gayA hUM; paraMtu yahAM unake saMbaMdha meM do zabda adhika kahane kI AvazyakatA hai| unakI merI mulAkAta anAyAsa hogaI thii| mi0 khAnake vaha mitra the| mi0 khAnane dekhA ki unake aMdara gaharA

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336 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 vairAgyabhAva thA / isalie merA khayAla hai ki unhoMne unase merI mulAkAta kraaii| jina dinoM unase merA paricaya huA una dinoMke unake zauka aura zAha kharcIko dekhakara maiM cauMka uThA thA; paraMtu pahalI hI mulAkAta meM mujhase unhoMne dharmake viSayameM prazna kiyaa| usameM buddha bhagavAn kI bAta sahaja hI nikala par3I / tabase hamArA saMparka bar3hatA gayA / vaha isa hadataka ki unake manameM yaha nizcaya ho gayA ki jo kAma meM karUM vaha unheM bhI avazya karanA caahie| vaha akele the / akele lie makAna kharca ke alAvA lagabhaga 1200 ) rupaye mAsika kharca karate the / TheTha yahAM se to itanI sAdagIpara zrA gaye ki unakA mAsika kharca 120 ) rupaye ho gyaa| mere ghara-bAra bikhera dene aura jelase Aneke bAda to hama donoM eka sAtha rahane lage the / usa samaya hama donoM apanA jIvana apekSAkRta bahuta kar3AIke sAtha bitA rahe the / dUdhake saMbaMdha meM jaba merA unase vArtAlApa huA taba hama zAmila rahate the / eka bAra mi0 kelanabrekane kahA ki "jaba hama dUdhameM itane doSa batAte haiM to phira use chor3a kyoM na deM ? vaha anivArya to hai hI nahIM / " unakI isa rAyako sunakara mujhe bar3A AnaMda aura zrAzcarya huA / maiMne turaMta unakI bAtakA svAgata kiyA aura hama donoMne TAlsTAya - phArmameM usI kSaNa dUdhakA tyAga kara diyA / yaha bAta 1912 kI hai / para hameM itane tyAgase zAMti na huI / dUdha chor3a deneke thor3e hI samaya bAda kebala phalapara rahanekA prayoga karanekA nizcaya kiyA / phalAhArameM bhI dhAraNA yaha rakkhI gaI thI ki saste se saste phalase kAma calAyA jAya / hama donoM AkAMkSA yaha thI ki garIba logoMke anusAra jIvana vyatIta kiyA jAya / hamane anubhava kiyA ki phalAhArameM suvidhA bhI bahuta hotI hai / bahutAMzameM cUlhA sulagAne kI jarUrata nahIM hotI / isalie kaccI mUMgaphalI, kele, khajUra, nIMbU aura jaitUna kA tela, yaha hamArA mAmUlI khAnA ho gayA thA / jo loga brahmacarya kA pAlana karanekI icchA rakhate haiM unake lie eka cetAvanI dene kI AvazyakatA hai / yadyapi maiMne brahmacarya ke sAtha bhojana aura upavAsatet free saMbaMdha batAyA hai, phira bhI yaha nizcita hai ki usakA mukhya prAdhAra hai. hamArA mana / malina mana upavAsase zuddha nahIM hotA, bhojanakA usapara asara

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340 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 mAnanA vilakula bhramapUrNa hai| gItAke dUsare adhyAya kA yaha zloka isa pramaMgapara bahuta vicAra karane yogya I-- viSayA vividha nirAhArastha dehinaH / rasagharja ralo'pyasya paraM dRSTvA nikle| upavAsI ke viSaya ( upApinoM meM ) zamana ho jAte haiM; paraMtu unakA rasa nahIM jaataa| rasa to izvara-darzana se hI-Izvara prasAdase hI zamana hote haiN| isase hama isa natIjepara pahuMce ki upavAsa nAdi saMghamIka mAgaja eka sAdhana ke rUpa meM Avazyaka hai; paraMtu vahI saba-kucha nahIM hai / aura yadi zArIrika upavAsa ke sAtha manakA upavAsa na ho to usakI pariNati daMbhameM ho sakatI hai aura vaha hAnikAraka sAbita ho sakatI hai / 32 lAsTara sAhaba satyAgrahake itihAsameM jo bAta nahIM A sakI athavA AMzika rUpameM AI hai vahI ina adhyAyoMmeM likhI jA rahI hai| isa bAtako pAThaka yAda rakkheMge to ina adhyAyoMkA pUrvApara saMbaMdha ve samajha skeNge| TaoNlasTAya-AzramameM lar3akoM aura lar3akiyoMke lie kucha zikSaNa-prabaMdha zrAvazyaka thaa| mere sAtha hiMdU, musalamAna, pArasI aura IsAI navayuvaka the, aura kucha hiMdU lar3akiyAM bhI thiiN| inake lie khAsa zikSaka rakhanA asaMbhava thA aura nujhe anAvazyaka bhI bhAlUma huaa| asaMbhava to isalie thA ki suyogya hiMdustAnI zikSakoMkA vahAM abhAva thA, aura mile bhI to kAphI benake binA Daravanase 21 mIla dUra kauna Ane lagA ? mere pAsa rupayoMkI bahutAyata nahIM thI aura bAhara se bhinaka bulAnA anAvazyaka mAnA; kyoMki vartamAna zikSA praNAlI mujhe pasaMda na thI aura vAstavika paddhati kyA hai, isakA maiMne anubhava nahIM kara dekhA thaa| itanA jAnatA thA ki Adarza sthiti saccI zikSA mAtA-pitAkI dekharekhameM hI mila sakatI hai| Adarza sthiti meM bAhya sahAyatA kama-se-kama honI caahie| TaoNlsTAya-Azrama eka kuTuMba thA aura maiM usameM pitAke sthAnapara thaa|

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adhyAya 32 : mAsTara sAhaba 341 isalie maiMne socA ki ina jIvana-nirmANakI javAbadehI bharaka sumIko uThAnI cAhie / merI isa bahu doSa kI hii| ye saba navayuvaka janma hIne mere pAsa nahIM rahe the| para pAye hue the / phira saba eka-dharma ke bhI nahIM the| aisI sthiti jo bAlaka-bAlikA raha rahe unakA pitA ko bhI meM unake sAtha kaise nyAya kara sakatA thA ? paraMtu maiMne kavitvako hamezA prama sthAna diyA hai, aura yaha yaha vicAra kI zikSAkA paricaya cAhe jisa umra aura cAhe jaise vAtAvaraNa meM paravariza pAye bAlaka-bAlikAoMko thor3Abahuta karAyA jA sakatA hai, isa lar3ake-lar3akiyoMke sAtha meM dina-rAta ke rUpa rahatA thA / sucaritratAko maiMne unakI zikSAkA bhAvAra staMbha mAnA thA / buniyAda yadi majabUta haiM to dUsarI bAteM bAlakako samaya pAkara khuda athavA itarodhI sahAyatA mila jAtI haiN| phira bhI meM yaha samajhatA thA ki thor3A-bahuta gharajJAna bhI jarUra karAnA caahie| isalie par3hAI zurU kI aura usane kelaveka tathA prAgajI pAIkI sahAyatA lii| maiM vArIrika zikSAkI bhI Apa hI mila rahI thI; kyoMki to unheM gaye the / pAkhAne lekara khAnA pakAne thA paraMtu vaha zikSA kara to rakhe hI nahIM kI hI karate the / milaka kAna nameM phaloMke vRkSa bahuta the| naI khetI bhI karatI thI / kI tI kA zauka thaa| vaha khuda sarakArI prAdarza khemeM kucha samaya rahakara khetIkA kAma sIkhe hue the / roja kucha samayataka una saba choTe-bar3e logoM ko, jo rasoI ke lagana hote, banI kAma karate jAnA par3atA thA / inameM vAlakakA eka bar3A gyaa| bar3e par3e khodanA, kavana karanA, bojha uThAkara ke jAnA ityAdi kAma unakA zarIra sugaThita hotA rahatA / usameM unako AnaMda bhI jAtA thA, jisase unheM dUsarI kasarata yA khela kI zrAvazyakatA nahIM rahatI thI / kAma karane meM kucha aura kabhI-kabhI saba vidyArthI nakhare karate, kAhilI bhI kara jAte / bahuta bAra meM ina bAtoMkI ora AMkha mUMda liyA karatA / kitanI hI bAra unase sakhtI se bhI kAma letA / jaba sakhtI karatA aura unheM dekhatA ki ve ukatA uThe

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Atma-mAthA: bhAga 4 to bhI mujhe nahIM yAda par3atA ki sakhtIkA virodha kabhI unhoMne kiyA ho| jabajava meM unapara lakhtI karatA tabhI taba unheM samajhAtA aura unhIMse kabUla karavAtA ki kAma ke samaya khelanA bhacchI Adata nahIM / ve usa samaya to samajha jAte; para dUsare hI kSaNa bhUla jaate| isa taraha kAma calatA rahatA; paraMtu unake zarIra banate jAte the| mAzramameM zAyada hI koI bImAra hotaa| kahanA hogA ki isakA bar3A kAraNa thA yahAMkI pAbahavA aura acchA tathA niyamita bhojana / zArIrika zikSAke silasilemeM hI zArIrika vyavasAyakI zikSAkA bhI samAveza kara letA huuN| irAdA yaha thA ki sabako kucha-na-kucha upayogI dhaMdhA sikhAnA cAhie / isalie bhi kelanabeka 'TrepisTa maTha' meM cappala gAMThanA sIkha pAye the| unase maiMne sIkhA aura maiMne una bAlakoMko sikhAyA, jo isa hunarako sIkhane ke lie taiyAra the| mi0 kelanavekako bar3haIgIrIkA bhI kucha anubhava thA aura AzramameM bar3haIkA kAma jAnanevAlA eka sAthI bhI thaa| isalie yaha kAma bhI thor3e-bahuta aMzameM sikhAyA jaataa| rasoI banAnA to lagabhaga saba hI lar3ake sIkha gaye the| ye saba kAma ina bAlakoMke lie naye the| unhoMne to kabhI svapnameM bhI yaha na socA hogA ki aisA kAma sIkhanA par3egA, dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM hiMdustAnI bAlakoMko kevala prAthamika akSara-jJAnakI hI zikSA dI jAtI thii| TaoNlsTAyaAzramameM pahalele hI yaha rivAja DAlA thA ki jina kAmako hama zikSita loga na kareM vaha bAlakoMse na karAyA jAya aura hamezA unake sAtha-sAtha koI-na-koI zikSaka kAma krtaa| isase ve bar3I umaMgake sAtha sIkha sake / vAdiya aura sAkSara jJAnake saMbaMdhoM aba isake bAda / akSara-zikSA pika adhyAya meM hamane yaha dekha liyA ki zArIrika zikSA aura usake mAtha kucha Dulara sikhAnekA kAma TaoNlsTAga-AzramameM kisa taraha zurU huaa| yadyapi isa kAmako maiM isa taraha nahIM kara sakA ki jisase mujhe saMtoSa hotA phira

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adhyAya 33 : akSara-zikSA bhI usameM thor3I-bahuta saphalatA mila gaI thI; paraMtu bAlU huaa| mere pAsa usake prabaMdhake lie pAna utanA samaya bhI nahIM thA, jitanA meM denA cAhatA jJAna hI thA / dina-bhara zArIrika kAma karane meM samaya jarAM zrAsana karanekI icchA hotI usI tarotAjA rahane badale Thoka kara saMta bhara rahA thaa| susa khetrI aura ghara ke kAma meM jAtA thA, isalie bahakI bAda hI pApAcA zurU hotii| isake sivA dUsarA anukUla nahIM thA / ke lie tIna ghaMTe kle the| eka hiMdI, tamila, sujarAtI aura urdU itanI bhASAeM sikhAnI par3I kyoki yaha nipajA gayA thA ki zikSaNa pratyeka bAlakako usakI sApAke dvArA hI diyA jAya, phira jo bhI sikhAI hI jAtI thI / isake alAvA gujarAtI, hni kukRtakA aura taba lar3akI hiMdIcA paricaya karAyA, itihAsa, bhUgola aura gaNita ka likhAnA, yaha krama rakhA gayA thaa| tAmila aura par3hAnA mere the / mujhe tAlikA jJAna jahAjoM aura jela bhijAyA / usameM bhI poSa kRta uttama 'tAmila svayaM-zikSaka se dhAge meM nahIM bar3ha sakA thA / urdU lipikA jJAna to utanA hI thA, jitanA jahAjameM prApta kara sakA thA / aura khAsakara vIkAralI zabdoM kA jJAna bhI utanA hI thA, jitanA ki musalamAna mitroMke paricaya meM prApta kara cukA thaa| saMskRta utanI hI jAnatA thA, jitanI ki maiMne hAIskUla meM par3I thI aura gujarAtI bhI skUlI hI thI / itanI pUMjI se mujhe apanA kAma banAyA aura isameM jo mere sahAyaka the ve mujhase bhI kama jAnate the; paraMtu deza merA prema apanI zikSAzaktipara merA vizvAsa, vidyArthiyoMkA ajJAna aura usase bhI bar3hakara unakI udAratA, ye mere kAmaneM sahAyaka sAbita hue / 343 mAna denA to kaThina sAmagrI na thI / mere aura na isa vikA jAtA thA aura jisa pdd'aa| isameM thA ina tAmila vidyArthiyoMkA janma dakSiNa aphrIkAne hI huA thA, isase ve tAmila bahuta kama jAnate the / lipikA to unheM bilakula hI jJAna na thA, isalie merA kAma thA unheM lipi ra vyAkaraNake mUlatatvoMkA jJAna karAnA / yaha sahaja kAma thA / vidyArthI loga isa bAtako jAnate the ki tAnila bAtacIta meM

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344 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 ve mujhe sahaja hI harA sakate haiM aura jaba koI tAmilabhASI mujhase milane Ate to ve mere dubhASiyAkA kAma dete the / paraMtu merA kAma cala nikalA ; kyoMki vidyArthiyoMse maiMne kabhI apane ajJAnako chipAnekA prayatna nahIM kiyaa| ve mujhe saba bAtoM meM vaisA hI jAna gaye the, jaisA ki vAstavameM thA / isase pustaka - jJAnakI bhArI kamI rahate hue bhI maiMne unake prema aura Adarako kabhI na haTane diyA thA / . paraMtu musalamAna bAlakoM ko urdU par3hAnA isase AsAna thA; kyoMki velapa jAnate the / unake sAtha to merA itanA hI kAma thA ki unheM par3hanekA zauka bar3hA dU aura unakA khata acchA karavA dU / mukhyataH ye saba bAlaka nirakSara the aura kisI pAThazAlA meM par3he na the / par3hate-par3hAte maiMne dekhA ki unheM par3hAnekA kAma to kama hI hotA thA / unakA Alasya chur3avAnA, unase apane-Apa par3havAnA, unake sabaka yAda karanekI caukIdArI karanA, yahI kAma jyAdA thA; para itanese meM saMtoSa pAtA thA, aura yahI kAraNa hai jo maiM bhinna-bhinna avasthA aura bhinna-bhinna viSayavAle vidyArthiyoMko eka hI. kamaremeM baiThAkara par3hA sakatA thA / " pAThya-pustakoMkI pukAra cAroM orase sunAI par3A karatI hai; kiMtu mujhe unakI bhI jarUrata na pdd'ii| jo pustakeM thIM bhI, mujhe nahIM yAda par3atA ki unase bhI bahuta kAma liyA gayA ho / pratyeka bAlakako bahuterI pustakeM denekI jarUrata mujhe nahIM dikhAI dI / merA yaha khayAla rahA ki zikSaka hI vidyArthiyoMkI pAThya pustaka hai / zikSakoMne pustakoM dvArA mujhe jo kucha par3hAyA usakA bahuta thor3A zraMza mujhe yAja yAda hai; paraMtu jabAnI zikSA jina logoMne dI hai vaha Aja bhI yAda raha gaI hai / bAlaka ke dvArA jitanA grahaNa karate haiM usase adhika kAnase sunA huA, aura so bhI thor3e parizrama grahaNa kara sakate haiN| mujhe yAda nahIM ki bAlakoMko maiMne eka bhI pustaka zurU se grAkhIrataka par3hAI ho / maiMne to khuda jo kucha bahuterI pustakoMko par3hakara hajama kiyA thA vahI unheM apanI bhASA meM batAyA aura maiM mAnatA hUM ki vaha unheM Aja bhI yAda hogA / maiMne dekhA ki pustakaparase par3hAyA huA yAda rakhanemeM unheM dikkata hotI thI; paraMtu merA jabAnI kahA huA yAda rakhakara ve mujhe phira sunA dete the / pustaka

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adhyAya 34 : Atmika zikSA pahale meM unakA jI nahIM lagatA thaa| jisa kisI dina makAvaTa ke kAraNa athavA kisI dUsarI vajahale maiM maMda na holA, kathavA merI par3hAI nIsana hotI, to ke derI kahI aura sunAI bAtoMko cAbale mulate aura usameM rasa lete / bIca-bIca meM jo zaMkAeM unake mana meM unI unase mujhe unakI ki aMdAjA laga jAtA / vidyAthiyoMke zarIra aura mAlakI tAlIma dene kI monA AtmApara saMskAra DAlane meM mujhe bahuta parizrama karanA pdd'aa| unakI AtmAkA vikAsa karane ke lie maiMne dhArmika pustakoM kA bahuta kama lahArA liyA thaa| maiM yaha jAnatA thA ki vidyArthiyoMko apane-apane dhoke mUla tatvoMko samajha lenA cAhie, apaneapane dharma-graMthoMkA sAdhAraNa jJAna honA caahie| isalie maiMne unheM aisA jJAna prApta karane kI yathAzakti suvidhA kara dI thI; paraMtu use meM bauddhika zikSAkA aMga mAnatA huuN| AtmAkI zikSA eka alaga hI yAta hai aura yaha bAta maine TaoNlsTAyaAzramameM bAlakoMko par3hAnA zurU karane se pahale hI jAna lI thii| yAtmAke vijJAna karane kA artha hai 'caritra-nirmANa karanA', 'IzvarakA jJAna prApta karanA', 'Atma-jJAna saMpAdana krnaa'| isa jJAnako prApta karane meM bAlakoMko bahuta sahAyatA kI AvazyakatA hai aura maiM mAnatA thA ki usake bilA dUsarA saba jJAna vyartha hai aura hAnikAraka bhI ho sakatA hai| - hamAre samAjAne eka yaha vahama buma gayA hai ki mAtma-jAna to ganuSyako cauthe pAcana yAnI saMbhAla nAcamana milatA hai; paraMtu merI samajhameM jo loga cauthe aAzramataka isa amUlya vastuko roka sakate haiM unheM bAna-zAna to nahIM milatA, ulaTe bur3hApA, aura dUsare rUpameM isase bhI adhika davA-janaka bacapana prApta karake, ve pRthvIpara bhAra-rUpa hokara jIte haiN| aisA anubhava saba jagaha pAyA jAtA hai| 1911-12meM zAyada ina vicAroMko meM pradarzita na kara sakatA; paraMtu mujhe yaha bAta acchI tarahase mAlUma hai ki usa samaya mere vicAra isI tarahake the / aba savAla yaha hai ki Atmika zikSA dI kisa taraha jAya ? isake

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 lie maiM bAlakoMse bhajana gavAtA thA, nItikI pustakeM par3hakara sunAtA thA; paraMtu usase manako saMtoSa nahIM hotA thaa| jyoM-jyoM meM unake adhika saMparkameM AtA gayA tyoM-tyoM maiMne dekhA ki vaha jJAna pustakoM dvArA nahIM diyA jA sktaa| zArIrika zikSA zarIrakI kasarata dvArA dI jA sakatI hai aura bauddhika zikSA buddhikI kasarata dvaaraa| usI prakAra pAtmika zikSA AtmAkI kasaratake dvArA hI dI jA sakatI hai aura AtmAkI kasarata to vAlaka zikSakake AcaraNase hI sIkhate haiM / ataeda yuvaka vidyArthI cAhe hAjira hoM yA na hoM zikSakako to rAdA sAvadhAna hI rahanA caahie| laMkAmeM baiThA humA zikSaka apane AcaraNake dvArA apane ziSyoMkI AtmAko hilA sakatA hai| yadi maiM khuda to jhUTha bolUM, para apane ziSyoMko saccA banAnekA prayatna karUM to vaha phijUla hogaa| Darapoka zikSaka apane ziSyoMko vIratA nahIM sikhA sakatA / vyabhicArI zikSaka ziSyoMko saMyamakI zikSA kaise de sakatA hai ? isalie maiMne dekhA ki mujhe to apane sAtha rahanevAle yuvaka-yuvatiyoMke sAmana eka padArtha-pATha bana kara rahanA caahie| isase mere ziSya hI mere zikSaka bana gye| meM yaha samajhA ki mujhe apane lie nahIM, balki inake lie acchA bananA aura rahanA cAhie aura yaha kahA jA sakatA hai ki TaoNlsTAya-prAzramake samayakA merA bahuterA saMyama ina yuvaka aura yuvatiyoMkA kRtajJa hai / AzramameM eka aisA yuvaka thA jo bahuta Udhama karatA thA, jhUTha bolatA thA, kisIkI sunatA nahIM thA, auroMse lar3atA thaa| eka dina usane bar3A upadrava macAyA, mujhe bar3I ciMtA huI; kyoMki maiM vidyArthiyoMko kabhI sajA nahIM detA thA, para isa samaya mujhe bahuta gussA car3ha rahA thaa| maiM usake pAsa gyaa| kisI taraha vaha samajhAye nahIM samajhatA thaa| khuda merI AMkha meM bhI dhUla jhoMkanekI koziza kii| mere pAsa rUla par3I huI thI, uThAkara usake hAthapara de mArI; para mArate hue merA zarIra kAMpa rahA thaa| merA yaha khayAla hai ki usane yaha dekha liyA hogaa| isase pahale vidyArthiyoMko merI taraphase aisA anubhava kabhI nahIM huA thA / vaha vidyArthI ro par3A, mAphI mAMgI; para usake ronekA kAraNa yaha nahIM ki usapara mAra par3I thii| vaha merA mukAbalA karanA cAhatA to itanI tAkata usameM thii| usakI umara 17 sAlakI hogI, zarIra haTTA-kaTTA thA; para mere usa rUla mArane meM mere duHkhakA anubhava use ho gayA thaa| isa ghaTanAke bAda vaha mere sAmane kabhI nahIM huA; paraMtu mujhe

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adhyAya 35 : acche-burekA mela isa prakAra rUla mAranekA pazcAttApa Ajataka hotA rahatA hai / maiM samajhatA hUM ki use pITakara maiMne use apanI AtmAkI sAtvikatA kA nahIM, balki apanI pazutAkA darzana karAyA thA / maiMne baccoMko pITa-pITakara sikhAne kA hamezA virodha kiyA hai / sArI jiMdagI meM eka hI avasara mujhe yAda par3atA hai jaba maiMne apane eka lar3akeko pITA thA / merA yaha rUla mAra denA ucita thA yA nahIM, itakA nirNaya meM zrAjataka nahIM kara sakA / isa daMDake praucitya ke viSaya meM aba bhI mujhe saMdeha hai; kyoMki usake mUla ' meM ko bharA huA thA aura manase sajA denekA bhAva thA / yadi usameM kevala mere duHkhakA hI pradarzana hotA to maiM usa daMDako ucita samajhatA; paraMtu usameM milI-julI bhAvanAeM thiiN| isa ghaTanA ke bAda to meM vidyArthiyoM ko sudhArane kI aura bhI acchI tarakIba jAna gayA / yadi isa maukepara usa kalAse kAma liyA hotA to kyA phala nikalatA, yaha meM nahIM kaha sakatA / vaha yuvaka to isa bAta ko usI samaya bhUla gayA / maiM nahIM kaha sakatA ki vaha bahuta sudhara gayA hogA; paraMtu isa prasaMgane mere ina vicAroMko bahuta gati de dI ki vidyArthIke prati zikSakakA kyA dharma hai| usake bAda bhI yuvakoMse aisA hI kasUra huA hai; paraMtu maiMne daMDanItikA prayoga kabhI nahIM kiyA / isa taraha zrAtmika jJAna denekA prayatna karate hue maiM khuda AtmAke guNako adhika jAna sakA / 347 Dui acche burekA mela TaoNlsTAya Azrama mi0 kelanabekanaM mere sAmane eka prazna khar3A kara diyA thA / isake pahale maiMne usapara kabhI vicAra nahIM kiyA thA / zrAzramameM kitane hI lar3ake bar3e UdhamI aura vAhiyAta the, kaI zrAvArA bhI the / unhIMke sAtha mere tIna lar3ake rahate the / dUsare lar3ake bhI the, jinakA ki lAlana-pAlana mere lar3akoMkI taraha huA thA; paraMtu mi0 kelanabekakA dhyAna to isI bAta kI tarapha thA ki ve AvArA lar3ake aura mere lar3ake eka sAtha isa taraha nahIM raha sakate / eka dina unhoMne kahA - "ApakA yaha silasilA mujhe bilakula ThIka nahIM mAlUma

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348 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 hotA / ina lar3akoM ke sAtha Apake lar3ake raheMge to isakA burA natIjA hogA / una zrAvArA lar3akoM kI sovata inako lagegI to ye bigar3e binA kaise raheMge ?" inako sunakara maiM thor3I dera ke lie socane par3A yA nahIM, yaha to mujhe isa samaya yAda nahIM; paraMtu apanA uttara mujhe yAda hai / maiMne javAba diyA-" apane lar3akoM aura ina AvArA lar3akoM meM bheda-bhAva kaise rakha sakatA hUM ? abhI to donoMkI jimmedArI mujhapara hai| ye yuvaka mere bulAve yahAM zrAye haiM / yadi maiM rupaye de dUM to ye Aja hI johAnsabarga jAkara pahale kI taraha rahane laga jAyeMge / Azcarya nahIM, yadi unake mAtA-pitA yaha samajhate hoM ki una lar3akoMne yahAM cAkara mujhapara bahuta miharavAnI kI hai| yahAM lAkara ye suvidhA uThAte haiM, yaha to grAma aura maiM donoM dekha rahe haiM / so isa saMbaMdha merA varma mujhe spaSTa dikhAI de rahA hai| mujhe unheM yahIM rakhanA caahie| mere lar3ake bhI unhIM ke sAtha raheMge / phira kyA jase hI mere lar3akoM ko yaha bheda-bhAva sikhAyeM ki ve auroM UMce darje ke haiM ? aisA vicAra unake dimAga meM DAlanA mAno unheM ulaTe rAste le jAnA hai / isa sthiti meM rahane se unakA jIvana banegA, khuda-ba-khuda sArAsArakI parIkSA karane lgeNge| hama yaha kyoM na mAneM ki unameM yadi sacamuca koI guNa hogA to ulaTA usakA asara unake sAthiyoMpara hogA ? jo kucha bhI ho; para maiM to unheM yahAMse nahIM haTA sakatA aura aisA karane meM yadi kucha jokhama hai to usake lie hameM taiyAra rahanA cAhie / save fro herbeka sira hilAkara raha gaye / " yaha nahIM kaha sakate ki isa prayogakA natIjA burA huA / maiM nahIM mAnatA thA ki mere lar3akoM ko isase kucha nukasAna huA / hAM, lAbha hotA huA to calatA maiMne dekhA hai / unameM vA yadi kucha aMza rahA hogA to vaha sarvathA ca gayA, ve sabake sAtha mila-julakara rahanA sIkhe, ve tapakara ThIka ho gaye / isase tathA aise dUsare anupa merA yaha bayAna banA ki yadi mAMare ThIka-ThIka nigarAnI rakha sakeM to unake bhale aura bure lar3akoM ke eka mAna rahane aura par3hane se acche kisI prakAra nukasAna nahIM ho sakatA / apane lar3akoMko saMdUkAneM baMdakara rakhane se ve zuddha hI rahate haiM aura bAhara se gar3a jAte haiM, yaha koI niyama nahIM hai / hAM, yaha bAta jarUra hai ki jahAM aneka prakArake

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adhyAya 36 : prAyacittake rUpameM upavAsa 349 bAlaka aura bAlikAeM eka sAtha rahate aura par3hate hoM, vahAM mAM-bApakI aura zikSakakI kar3I jAMca ho jAtI hai| unheM bahuta sAvadhAna aura jAgarUka rahanA par3atA hai / 36 prAyazcitake rUpameM upavAsa isa taraha lar3ake-lar3akiyoMko saccAI aura ImAnadArI ke sAtha paravariza karane aura par3hAne likhAne meM kitanI aura kaisI kaThinAiyAM haiM, isakA anubhava dina-dina bar3hatA gayA / zikSaka aura pAlakakI haisiyatale mujhe unake hRdayoM meM praveza karanA thA / unake sukha-dukhameM hAtha baMTAnA thA / unake jIvanakI gutthiyAM sulajhAnI thiiN| unakI car3hatI javAnIkI taraMgoMko sIdhe rAste le jAnA thA / kitane hI kaidiyoMke chUTa jAneke bAda TaoNlsTAya prAzrama meM thor3e hI loga raha gaye | ye khAsakarake phiniksa - vAsI the / isalie maiM zrAzramako phiniksa le gayA | phiniksameM merI kar3I parIkSA huI / ina bace hue Azrama - vAsiyoM ko TaoNlsTAya - zrAzrama se phiniksa pahuMcAkara meM johAnsabarga gyaa| thor3e hI dina johAnsavarga rahA hoUMgA ki mujhe do vyaktiyoMke bhayaMkara patanake samAcAra mile | satyAgraha jaise mahAn saMgrAma meM yadi kahIM bhI asaphalatA jaisA kucha dikhAI detA to 1. usase mere dilako coTa nahIM pahuMcatI thI, paraMtu isa ghaTanAne to mujhapara vajra prahAra hI kara diyA ! mere dilameM ghAva ho gayA ! usI dina maiM phiniksa ravAnA ho gayA / mi0 kelanavekane mere sAtha thAne kI jida pkdd'ii| vaha merI dayanIya sthiti ko samajha gaye the; unhoMne sApha inkAra kara diyA ki maiM Apako akelA nahIM jAne dUMgA / isa patanakI khabara mujhe unhIMke dvArA milI thI / rAste meM hI maiMne soca liyA, grathavA yoM kahUM ki maiMne aisA mAna liyA ki isa avasthA merA dharma kyA hai ? mere manane kahA ki jo loga hamArI rakSAmeM haiM unake patana ke lie pAlaka yA zikSaka kisI-na-kisI aMzameM jarUra jimmedAra haiM yara isa durghaTanA ke saMbaMdha meM to mujhe apanI jimmedArI sApha-sApha dikhAI dI / merI patnIne mujhe pahale hI cetAyA thA; para meM svabhAvataH vizvAsazIla hUM, isase maiMne usakI cetAvanI para dhyAna nahIM diyA thaa| phira mujhe yaha bhI pratIta huA ki

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350 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 ye patita loga merI vyathAko tabhI samajha sakeMge, jaba maiM isa patanake lie kucha prAyazcitta kruuNgaa| isIse inheM apane doSoMkA jJAna hogA aura usakI gaMbhIratAkA kucha aMdAja milegaa| isa kAraNa maiMne sAta dinake upavAsa aura sAr3he cAra mAsataka ekAsanA karane kA vicAra kiyaa| mi0 kelanabekane mujhe rokanekI bahuta koziza kI, para unakI na clii| aMtako unhoMne prAyazcittake aucityako mAnA aura apane lie bhI mere sAtha vrata rakhanepara jora diyaa| unake nirmala premako maiM na roka skaa| isa nizcayake bAda hI turaMta merA hRdaya halakA ho gayA, mujhe zAMti milii| doSa karanevAloMpara jo-kucha gussA AyA thA vaha dUra huA aura unapara manameM dayA hI AtI rhii| isa taraha TrenameM hI apane hRdayako halakA karake maiM phiniksa phuNcaa| pUcha-tAchakara jo-kucha aura bAteM jAnanI thIM ve jAna liiN| yadyapi isa mere upavAsase sabako bahuta kaSTa huA, para usase vAtAvaraNa zuddha huaa| pApakI bhayaMkaratAko sabane samajhA aura vidyArthI-vidyArthiniyoMkA aura merA saMbaMdha adhika majabUta aura sarala huA / ___ isa durghaTanAke silasile meM hI, kucha samayake bAda, mujhe phira caudaha upavAsa karanekI naubata AI thI aura maiM mAnatA hUM ki usakA pariNAma AzAse bhI adhika acchA niklaa| paraMtu ina udAharaNoMse maiM yaha nahIM siddha karanA cAhatA ki ziSyoMke pratyeka doSake lie hamezA zikSakoMko upavAsAdi karanA hI caahie| para maiM yaha jarUra mAnatA hUM ki mauke-maukepara aise prAyazcitta-rUna upavAsake lie avazya sthAna hai| kiMtu usake lie viveka aura adhikArakI AvazyakatA hai / jahAM zikSaka aura ziSya meM zuddha prema-baMdhana nahIM, jahAM zikSakako apane ziSyake doSoMse saccI coTa nahIM pahuMcatI, jahAM ziSyake manameM zikSakake prati Adara nahIM, vahAM upavAsa nirarthaka hai aura zAyada hAnikAraka bhI ho| paraMtu aise upavAsa yA ekAsaneke viSayameM bhale hI kucha zaMkA ho; kiMtu ziSyake doSoMke lie zikSaka thor3A-bahuta jimmedAra jarUra hai, isa viSayameM kucha bhI saMdeha nahIM / .ye sAta upavAsa aura sAr3he cAra mAsake ekAsane hameM kaThina na mAlUma hue| una dinoM merA koI bhI kAma baMda yA maMda nahIM huA thA / usa samaya maiM kevala phalAhAra hI karatA thaa| caudaha upavAsakA aMtima bhAga mujhe khUba kadina

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adhyAya 37 : gokhalese milane mAlUma huA thaa| usa samaya maiM rAmanAmakA pUrA camatkAra nahIM samajhA thaa| isalie duHkha sahana karanekI sAmarthya kama thii| upavAsake dinoMmeM jisa kisI taraha bhI ho pAnI khUba pInA caahie| isa bAhya kalAkA jJAna mujhe na thaa| isa kAraNa bhI yaha upavAsa mere lie bhArI hue| phira pahaleke upavAsa sukhazAMtise bIte the, isalie caudaha upavAsake samaya kucha lAparavAha bhI rahA thaa| pahale upavAsake samaya hamezA kaneke kaTi-snAna karatA; caudaha upavAsake samaya do-tIna dina bAda ve baMda kara diye gaye / kucha aisA ho gayA thA ki pAnIkA svAda hI acchA nahIM mAlUma hotA thA, aura pAnI pIte hI jI micalAne lagatA thA, jisase pAnI bahuta kama piyA jAtA thaa| isase galA sUkha gayA, zarIra kSINa ho gayA aura aMtake dinoMmeM bahuta dhIme bola sakatA thaa| itanA hote hue bhI likhanelikhAnekA Avazyaka kAma meM AkhirI dinataka kara sakA thA aura rAmAyaNa ityAdi aMtataka sunatA thaa| kucha praznoM aura viSayoMpara rAya ityAdi denekA Avazyaka kArya bhI kara sakatA thaa| gokhalese milane yahAM dakSiNa aphrIkAke kitane hI saMsmaraNa chor3a dene par3ate haiN| 1914.. I0meM jaba satyAgraha-saMgrAmakA aMta huA tava gokhalekI icchAse maiMne iMglaiMDa hokara deza mAnekA vicAra kiyA thaa| isalie julAI mahIne meM kastUrabAI, kelanabeka aura maiM, tInoM vilAyatake lie ravAnA hue| satyAgraha-saMgrAmake dinoMmeM maine relameM tIsare darjemeM saphara zurU kara diyA thaa| isa kAraNa jahAjameM bhI tIsare darje ke hI TikaTa kharIde, paraMtu isa tIsare darjemeM aura hamAre tIsare darjemeM bahuta aMtara hai| hamAre yahAM to sone-baiThane kI jagaha bhI muzkilase milatI hai aura saphAIkI to vAta hI kyA pUchanA ! kiMtu isake viparIta yahAMke jahAjoMmeM jagaha kAphI rahatI thI aura saphAIkA bhI acchA khayAla rakkhA jAtA thaa| kaMpanIne hamAre lie kucha aura bhI suvidhAeM kara dI thiiN| koI hamako dika na karane pAye, isa gvadyAlaye eka pAkhAne meM tAlA lagAkara usakI tAlI hameM sauMpa dI gaI thI; aura

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352 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 hama phalAhArI the, isalie hamako tAje aura sUkhe phala dene kI AjJA bhI jahAjake khajAMcIko de dI gaI thii| mAmUlI taurapara tIsare darje ke yAtriyoMko phala kama hI milate haiM aura mevA to kataI nahIM miltaa| para isa suvidhAkI badaulata hama loga samudrapara bahuta zAMtise 18 dina bitA sake / . isa yAtrAke kitane hI saMsmaraNa jAnane yogya haiN| mi0 phelanabekako dUravInoMkA bar3A zauka thA / do-eka kImatI dUrabIneM unhoMne apane sAtha rakkhI thiiN| isake viSayameM roja hamAre aApasameM bahasa hotii| maiM unheM yaha jaMcAne kI koziza karatA ki yaha hamAre Adarza ke aura jisa sAdagIko hama pahuMcanA cAhate haiM usake anukUla nahIM hai / eka roja to hama donoMmeM isa viSayapara garamAgarama bahasa ho gaI / hama donoM apanI kaibinakI khir3akIke pAsa khar3e the| ___ maiMne kahA--- "aApake aura mere bIca aise jhagar3e honese to kyA yaha behatara nahIM hai ki isa dUravInako samudrameM pheMka deM aura isakI carcA hI na kareM ?" mi0 kelanabekana turaMta uttara diyA-- "jarUra isa jhagar3ekI jar3ako pheMka hI diijie|" ___maiMne kahA-- "dekho, maiM pheMka detA hUM !" unhoMne be-roka uttara diyA-- "maiM sacamuca kahatA hUM, pheMka diijie|" aura maiMne dUrabIna pheMka dii| usakA dAma koI sAta pauMDa thaa| paraMtu usakI kImata usake dAmakI apekSA mi0 kelanavekake usake prati mohameM thii| phira bhI mi0 kelanabekane apane manako kabhI isa bAtakA duHkha na hone diyaa| unake mere bIca to aisI kitanI hI bAta huA karatI thIM-yaha to usakA eka namUnA pAThakoMko dikhAyA hai / hama donoM satyako sAmane rakhakara hI calanekA prayatna karate the| isalie mere unake isa saMbaMdhake phalasvarUpa hama roja kucha-na-kucha naI bAta sIkhate / satyakA anusaraNa karate hue hamAre krodha, svArtha, dveSa ityAdi sahaja hI zamana ho jAte the aura yadi na hote to satyakI prApti na hotI thii| bhale hI rAga-dveSAdise bharA manuSya sarala ho sakatA hai, vaha vAcika satya bhale hI pAla le, para use zuddha satyakI prApti nahIM ho sktii| zuddha satyakI zodha karane ke mAnI haiM rAgadveSAdi dvaMdvase sarvathA mukti prApta kara lenA /

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adhyAya 38 lar3AI meM bhAga 353 jina dinoM hamane yaha yAtrA AraMbha kI, pUrvokta upavAsoMko pUrA kiye mujhe bahuta samaya nahIM bItA thaa| abhI mujhameM pUrI tAkata nahIM AI thI / jahAja - meM Dekapara khUba ghUmakara kAphI khAnekA aura use pacAnekA yatna karatA / para jyoM-jyoM ki vUmane lagA tyoM-tyoM piMDaliyoMmeM jyAdA darda hone lagA / vilAyata pahuMcane ke bAda to ulaTA yaha darda aura bar3ha gayA / vahAM DAkTara jIvarAja mehatAse mulAkAta ho gaI thI / upavAsa aura isa dardakA itihAsa sunakara unhoMne kahA ki "yadi Apa thor3e samayataka prArAma nahIM kareMge to Apake pairoMke sadAke lie sunna par3a jAnekA aMdezA hai / " aba jAkara mujhe patA lagA ki bahuta dinoMke upavAsase gaI tAkata jaldI lAnekA yA bahuta khAnekA lobha nahIM rakhanA cAhie / upavAsa karane kI apekSA chor3ate samaya adhika sAvadhAna rahanA par3atA hai aura zAyada isameM adhika saMyama bhI hotA hai / madI meM hameM samAcAra mile ki lar3AI aba chir3ane hI vAlI hai / iMglaiMDa kI khAr3I meM pahuMcate-pahuMcate khabara milI ki lar3AI zurU ho gaI aura hama roka liye gaye / pAnI meM jagaha-jagaha gupta mArga banAye gaye the aura unameMse hokara hameM sAudempTana pahuMcate hue eka-do dinakI derI ho gaI / yuddhakI ghoSaNA 4 agastako huI; hama loga 6 agastako vilAyata pahuMce / 38 lar3AI meM bhAga vilAyata pahuMcane para khabara milI ki gokhale to perisameM raha gaye haiM, perisa ke sAtha AvAgamanakA saMbaMdha baMda ho gayA hai aura yaha nahIM kahA jA sakatA ki vaha kaba AyeMge / gokhale apane svAsthya sudhArake lie phrAMsa gaye the; kiMtu are yuddha chir3a jAne se vahIM aTaka rahe / unase mile binA mujhe deza jAnA nahIM thA aura vaha kaba AyeMge, yaha koI kaha nahIM sakatA thA / aba savAla yaha khar3A huA ki isa daramiyAna kareM kyA ? isa lar3AI ke saMbaMdha meM merA dharma kyA hai ? jela ke mere sAthI aura satyAgrahI sorAvajI aDAjaNiyA vilAyata meM bairisTarIkA adhyayana kara rahe the / sorAbajI ko eka zreSTha satyAgrahI

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354 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 ke taurapara iMglaiMDa meM bairisTarIkI tAlImake lie bhejA thA ki jisase dakSiNa aphrIkA meM prAkara merA sthAna le leM / unakA kharca DAkTara prANajIvanadAsa mehatA dete the / unake aura unake mArphata DaoNkTara jIvarAja mehatA ityAdike sAtha, jo vilAyata meM par3ha rahe the, isa viSayapara salAha mazavarA kiyA / vilAyata meM usa samaya jo hiMdustAnI loga rahate the unakI eka sabhA kI gaI aura usameM maiMne apane vicAra upasthita kiye| merA yaha mata huA ki vilAyata meM rahanevAle hiMdustAniyoM ko isa lar3AI meM apanA hissA denA caahie| aMgreja vidyArthI lar3AImeM sevA karanekA apanA nizcaya prakAzita kara cuke haiN| hama hiMdustAniyoMko bhI isase kama sahayoga na denA caahie| merI isa bAta ke virodha meM isa sabhA meM bahuterI dalIleM pezakI giiN| kahA gayA ki hamArI aura aMgrejoMkI paristhitimeM hAthI-ghor3e jitanA aMtara hai-eka gulAma dUsarA saradAra / aisI sthitimeM gulAma apane prabhukI vipatti meM use svecchA-pUrvaka kaise madada kara sakatA hai ? phira jo gulAma apanI gulAmI meMse chUTanA cAhatA hai usakA dharma kyA yaha nahIM ki prabhukI vipattise lAbha uThAkara apanA chuTakArA kara lenekI koziza kare ? para yaha dalIla mujhe usa samaya kaise paTa sakatI thI ? yadyapi maiM donoM kI sthitikA mahAn aMtara samajha sakA thA, phira bhI mujhe hamArI sthiti bilakula gulAmakI sthiti nahIM mAlUma hotI thI / usa samaya maiM yaha samajhe hue thA ki aMgrejI zAsana paddhatikI apekSA kitane hI aMgreja adhikAriyoMkA doSa adhika thA aura usa doSako hama premase dUra kara sakate haiM / merA yaha khayAla thA ki yadi aMgrejoMke dvArA aura unakI sahAyatA se hama apanI sthitikA sudhAra cAhate hoM to hameM unakI vipatti ke samaya sahAyatA pahuMcAkara apanI sthiti sudhAranI cAhie / briTiza zAsana paddhatiko maiM doSamaya to mAnatA thA, paraMtu AjakI taraha vaha usa samaya prasahya nahIM mAlUma hotI thI / vAja jisa prakAra vartamAna zAsana-paddhatiparase merA vizvAsa uTha gayA hai aura Aja maiM aMgrejI rAjyakI sahAyatA nahIM kara sakatA, isI taraha usa samaya jina logoMkA vizvAsa isa paddhatiparase hI nahIM, balki aMgrejI adhikAriyoMpara se bhI uTha cukA thA, ve madada karaneke lie kaise taiyAra ho sakate the ? unhoMne isa samayako prajAkI mAMgeM jorake sAtha peza karane aura zAsana meM sudhAra karanekI prAvAja uThAneke lie bahuta anukUla paayaa| kiMtu maiMne ise aMgrejoM

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adhyAya 38 ! lar3AImeM bhAga kI ApattikA samaya samajhakara mAMgeM peza karanA ucita na samajhA aura jabataka lar3AI cala rahI hai tabataka haka mAMganA multavI rakhaneke saMyamameM sabhyatA aura dIrgha-dRSTi smjhii| isalie maiM apanI salAhapara majabUta banA rahA aura kahA ki jinheM svayaM-sevakoMmeM nAma likhAnA ho ve likhA deN| nAma acchI saMkhyAmeM aaye| unameM lagabhaga saba prAMtoM aura saba dharmoM ke logoMke nAma the| phira lArDa krUke nAma eka patra bhejA gyaa| usameM hama logoMne apanI yaha icchA aura taiyArI prakaTa kI ki hiMdustAniyoMke lie ghAyala sipAhiyoMkI sevA-zuzrUSA karanekI tAlImakI yadi AvazyakatA dikhAI de to usake lie hama taiyAra haiN| kucha salAha-mazavarA karaneke bAda lArDa krUne hama logoMkA prastAva svIkAra kiyA aura isa bAtake lie hamArA ahasAna mAnA ki hamane aise aina maukepara sAmrAjyakI sahAyatA karanekI taiyArI dikhAI / / jina-jina logoMne apane nAma likhavAye the unhoMne prasiddha DAkTara keMTalIkI dekha-rekhameM ghAyaloMkI zuzrUSA karanekI prAthamika tAlIma lenA zurU kiyA / chaH saptAhakA choTAsA zikSA-krama rakkhA gayA thA aura itane samaya meM ghAyaloMko prAthamika sahAyatA karanekI saba vidhiyAM sikhA dI jAtI thiiN| hama koI 80 svayaMsevaka isa zikSA-kramameM sammilita hue| cha: saptAhake bAda parIkSA lI gaI to usameM sirpha eka hI zakhsa phela huaa| jo loga pAsa ho gaye unake lie sarakArakI orase kavAyada vagairA sikhAnekA prabaMdha huaa| kavAyada sikhAnekA bhAra karnala bekarako sauMpA gayA aura vaha isa Tukar3Ike mukhiyA banAye gaye / isa samaya vilAyatakA dRzya dekhane lAyaka thaa| yuddhase loga ghabarAte nahIM the, balki saba usameM yathAzakti madada karaneke lie juTa par3e / jinakA zarIra haTTA-kaTTA thA, ve navayuvaka sainika zikSA grahaNa karane lge| paraMtu azakta bUr3he aura strI Adi bhI khAlI hAtha na baiThe rhe| unake lie bhI ve cAheM to kAma thA hii| ve yuddha meM ghAyala sanikake lie kapar3A ityAdi sIne-kATanekA kAma karane lge| vahAM striyoMkA 'lAisiyama' nAmaka eka klaba hai / usake sabhyoMne sainika-vibhAgake lie Avazyaka kapar3e yathA-zakti banAnekA jimmA le liyaa| sarojinI devI bhI isakI sabhya thiiN| unhoMne isameM khUba dilacaspI lI thii| unake sAtha merA yaha prathama hI paricaya thaa| unhoMne kapar3e byoMta va kATakara mere

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356 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 sAmane unakA eka Dhera rakha diyA aura kahA ki jitane silA sako, utane silAkara mujhe de denA / maiMne unakI icchAkA svAgata karate hue ghAyaloMkI zuzrUSAkI usa tAlImake dinoMmeM jitane kapar3e taiyAra ho sake utane karake de diye / 36 dharmakI samasyA yuddhameM kAma karane ke lie hama kucha logoMne sabhA karake jo apane nAma sarakArako bheje, isakI khabara dakSiNa akIkA pahuMcate hI vahAMse do tAra mere nAma Aye / unameM se eka polakakA thA / unhoMne pUchA thA-- 'ApakA yaha kArya hiMsA siddhAMta ke khilApha to nahIM hai ? "" " maiM aise tAra kI AzaMkA kara hI rahA thA; kyoMki 'hiMda svarAjya' meM maiMne isa viSayakI carcA kI thI aura dakSiNa afrIkAmeM to mitroMke sAtha usakI carcA niraMtara huA hI karatI thI / hama saba isa bAtako mAnate the ki yuddha granIti maya hai / aisI hAlata meM aura jabaki maiM grapanepara hamalA karanevAlepara bhI mukadamA calAne ke lie taiyAra nahIM huA thA to phira jahAM do rAjyoMmeM yuddha cala rahA ho aura jisake bhale yA bure honekA mujhe patA na ho usameM maiM sahAyatA kaise kara sakatA hUM, yaha prazna thA / hAlAMki mitra loga yaha jAnate the ki maiMne boara-saMgrAma meM yoga diyA thA to bhI unhoMne yaha mAna liyA thA ki usake bAda mere vicAroMmeM parivartana ho gayA hogA / aura bAta daraasala yaha thI ki jisa vicAra- saraNike anusAra maiM borayuddhameM sammilita huA thA usIkA anusaraNa isa samaya bhI kiyA gayA thA / maiM ThIka-ThIka dekha rahA thA ki yuddhameM zarIka honA ahiMsA ke siddhAMta ke anukUla nahIM hai, paraMtu bAta yaha hai ki karttavyakA bhAna manuSyako hamezA dinakI taraha spaSTa nahIM dikhAI detA / satyake pujArIko bahuta bAra isa taraha gote khAne par3ate haiM / hiMsA eka vyApaka vastu hai / hama loga aise pAmara prANI haiM, jo hiMsA kI holI meM phaMse hue haiM / 'jIvo jIvasya jIvanam' yaha bAta asatya nahIM hai / manuSya eka kSaNa bhI bAhya hiMsA kiye binA nahIM jI sakatA / khAte-pIte, baiThate-uThate, tamAma

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adhyAya 39 : dharmakI samasyA 357 kriyA meM icchAse yA anicchA se kucha-na-kucha hiMsA vaha karatA hI rahatA hai / yadi isa hiMsAse chUTa jAneke vaha mahAn prayAsa karatA ho, usakI bhAvanA meM kevala anukaMpA ho, vaha sUkSma jaMtukA bhI nAza na cAhatA ho aura use bacAnekA yathAzakti prayAsa karatA ho to samajhanA cAhie ki vaha grahiMsAkA pujArI hai| usakI pravRtti meM niraMtara saMyama kI vRddhi hotI rahegI, usakI karuNA niraMtara bar3hatI rahegI, paraMtu isameM koI saMdeha nahIM ki koI bhI devavArI bAhya hiMsA se sarvathA mukta nahIM ho sakatA / phira ahiMsA ke peTameM hI advaita bhAvanAkA bhI samAveza hai / aura yadi prANimAtrameM bheda-bhAva ho to ekake pApakA asara dUsarepara hotA hai aura isa kAraNa bhI manuSya hiMsAse solahoM AnA achUtA nahIM raha sakatA / jo manuSya samAjameM rahatA hai vaha, anicchA se hI kyoM na ho, manuSya-samAjakI hiMsAkA hissedAra banatA hai / aisI dazAmeM jaba do rASTroMmeM yuddha ho to ahiMsAke anuyAyI vyaktikA yaha dharma hai ki vaha usa yuddhako rukavAye / paraMtu jo isa dharmakA pAlana na kara sake, jise virodha karanekI sAmarthya na ho, jise virodha karane kA adhikAra na prApta huA ho, vaha yuddha kArya meM zAmila ho sakatA hai aura aisA karate hue bhI usameMse apaneko, apane dezako aura saMsArako nikAlane kI hArdika koziza karatA hai / maiM cAhatA thA ki aMgrejI rAjyake dvArA apanI, arthAt apane rASTrakI, sthitikA sudhAra karUM / para maiM to iMglaiMDameM baiThA huA iMglaiMDakI nau senAse surakSita thA / usa balakA lAbha isa taraha uThAkara maiM usakI hiMsakatAmeM sIdhe-sIdhe bhAgI ho rahA thA / isalie yadi mujhe isa rAjya ke sAtha kisI taraha saMbaMdha rakhanA ho, isa sAmrAjya ke jhaMDe ke nIce rahanA ho to yA to mujhe yuddhakA khullamakhullA virodha karake jabataka usa rAjyakI yuddha-nIti nahIM badala jAya tabataka satyAgraha - zAstra ke anusAra usakA bahiSkAra karanA cAhie, grathavA bhaMga karane yogya kAnUnoMkA savinaya bhaMga karake jelakA rAstA lenA cAhie, yA usake yuddha kArya meM zarIka hokara usakA mukAbalA karanekI sAmarthya aura adhikAra prApta karanA cAhie / virodhI zakti mere aMdara thI nahIM, isalie maiMne socA ki yuddhameM zarIka honekA eka rAstA hI mere lie khulA thA /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 jo manuSya baMdUka dhAraNa karatA hai aura jo usakI sahAyatA karatA hai, donoM ahiMsAkI dRSTise koI bheda nahIM dikhAI par3atA / jo AdamI DAkuoMoMkI TolI meM usakI Avazyaka sevA karane, usakA bhAra uThAne, jaba vaha DAkA DAlatA ho taba usakI caukIdArI karane, jaba vaha ghAyala ho to usakI sevA karanekA kAma karatA hai, vaha usa DakaitI ke lie utanA hI jimmedAra hai jitanA ki khuda vaha DAkU / isa dRSTise jo manuSya yuddhameM ghAyaloMkI sevA karatA hai, vaha yuddhake doSoMse mukta nahIM raha sakatA / polakakA tAra Ane ke pahale hI mere manameM yaha saba vicAra uTha cuke the / unakA tAra Ate hI maiMne kucha mitroMse isakI carcA kii| maiMne apanA dharma samajhakara yuddhameM yoga diyA thA aura Aja bhI maiM vicAra karatA hUM to isa vicAra-saraNimeM mujhe doSa nahIM dikhAI par3atA / briTiza sAmrAjya ke saMbaMdhameM usa samaya jo vicAra mere the unake anusAra hI maiM yuddha meM zarIka huA thA aura isalie mujhe usakA kucha bhI pazcAttApa nahIM hai / 356 'jAnatA hUM ki apane ina vicAroMkA praucitya maiM apane samasta mitroMke sAmane usa samaya bhI siddha nahIM kara sakA thA / yaha prazna sUkSma hai / isameM mata-bhedake lie guMjAiza hai / isIlie ahiMsA - dharmako mAnanevAle aura sUkSma rIti se usakA pAlana karanevAloMke sAmane jitanI ho sakatI hai kholakara maiMne apanI rAya peza kI hai / satyakA AgrahI vyakti rUr3hikA anusaraNa karake hI hamezA kArya nahIM karatA, na vaha apane vicAroMpara haTha - pUrvaka prArUr3ha rahatA hai / vaha hamezA usameM doSa honekI saMbhAvanA mAnatA hai aura usa doSakA jJAna ho jAnepara hara tarahakI jokhima uThAkara bhI usako maMjUra karatA hai aura usakA prAyazcitta bhI karatA hai / 40 satyAgrahakI cakamaka isa taraha apanA dharma samajhakara maiM yuddha meM par3A to sahI, para mere nasIba meM yaha nahIM badA thA ki usameM sIdhA bhAga lUM, balki aise nAjuka maukepara satyAgrahataka

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adhyAya 40 : satyAgrahako cakamaka 359 karanekI naubata A gaI | maiM likha cukA hUM ki jaba hamAre nAma maMjUra ho gaye aura likhe jA cuke taba hameM pUrI kavAyada sikhAneke lie eka adhikArI niyukta kiyA gayA / hama sabakI yaha samajha thI ki yaha adhikArI mahaja yuddhakI tAlIma deneke lie hamAre mukhiyA the, zeSa saba bAtoMmeM Tukar3IkA mukhiyA meM thA / mere sAthiyoMke prati merI javAbadehI thI aura unakI mere prati / arthAt hama logoMkA khayAla thA ki usa adhikArIko sArA kAma merI mArphata lenA caahie| paraMtu jisa taraha 'pUtake pAMva pAlanemeM hI najara A jAte haiM usI taraha usa adhikArIkI prAMkha hameM pahale hI dina kucha aura hI dikhAI dii| sorAbajI bahuta hoziyAra AdamI the / unhoMne mujhe cetAyA, "bhAI sAhaba, samhala kara rahanA / yaha zrAdamI to mAlUma hotA hai apanI jahAMgIrI calAnA cAhatA hai / hameM usakA hukma uThAne kI jarUrata nahIM hai / hama use apanA eka zikSaka samajhate haiN| para jo yaha naujavAna zrAye haiM ve to hamapara hukma calAne Aye haiM aisA maiM dekhatA huuN|" yaha navayuvaka prAksaphorDa ke vidyArthI the aura hameM sikhAne ke lie Aye the / unheM bar3e aphasarane hamAre Upara nAyaba aphasara mukarrara kiyA thA / maiM bhI sorAbajI kI batAI bAta dekha cukA thA / maiMne sorAbajI ko tasallI dilAI aura kahA -- "kucha phikara mata kro|" paraMtu sorAbajI aise AdamI nahIM the, jo jhaTa mAna jAte / "Apa to haiM bhole bhaMDArI / ye loga mIThI-mIThI bAteM banAkara zrApako dhokhA deMge aura jaba ApakI prAMkheM khuleMgI taba kahoge -- 'calo, aba satyAgraha karo / ' aura phira Apa hameM parezAna kareMge / " sorAbajIne haMsate hue kahA / maiMne javAba diyA-- " merA sAtha karanemeM sivA parezAnIke aura kyA anubhava huA hai ? aura satyAgrahIkA janma to dhokhA khAneke lie hI huA hai / isalie paravA nahIM, agara ye sAhaba mujhe dhokhA de deM / maiMne Apase bIsoM bAra nahIM kahA hai ki to vahI dhokhA khAtA hai, jo dUsaroMko dhokhA detA hai ? " yaha sunakara sorAbajI ne kahakahA lagAyA --- " to acchI bAta hai| lo, dhokhA khAyA karo | isa taraha kisI dina satyAgraha meM bhara miToge aura sAtha-sAtha hamako bhI le DUboge / " ina zabdoMko likhate hue mujhe svargIya misa hA bahAusa ke sahayoga

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360 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 dinoMmeM likhe zabda yAda Ate haiM-- " prApako satyake lie kisI dina phAMsIpara laTakanA par3e to Azcarya nahIM / Izvara zrApako sanmArga dikhAve aura ApakI rakSA kare / " sorAbajI ke sAtha yaha bAtacIta to usa samaya huI thI jaba usa adhikArIkI niyuktikA prAraMbha kAla thA / paraMtu usa prAraMbha aura aMtakA aMtara thor3e hI dinakA thA / isI bIca mujhe pasalI meM varamakI bImArI jorake sAtha paidA ho gaI thI / caudaha dina upavAsake bAda abhI merA zarIra panapA nahIM thA, phira bhI maiM kavAyada meM pIche nahIM rahatA thA / aura kaI bAra gharase kabAyadake maidAnataka paidala jAtA thA / koI do mIla dUra vaha jagaha thI aura usIke phalasvarUpa grantameM mujhe khaTiyA pakar3anI par3I thI / isI sthiti meM mujhe kaiMpa meM jAnA par3atA thA / dUsare loga to vahAM raha jAte the aura maiM zAmako ghara vApasa A jAtA / yahIM satyAgrahakA aphasara khar3A ho gayA thA / usa aphasarane apanI hukUmata claaii| usane hameM sApha-sApha kaha diyA ki hara bAta meM maiM hI ApakA mukhiyA huuN| usane apanI aphasarI ke do-cAra padArtha pATha (namUne) bhI hameM batAye / sorAbajI mere pAsa phuNce| vaha isa 'jahAMgIrI' ko baradAzta karaneke lie taiyAra na the / unhoMne kahA -- "hameM saba hukma ApakI mArphata hI milane caahie| abhI to hama tAlImI chAvanI meM haiM; para abhI se dekhate haiM ki behUde hukma chUTane lage haiM / una javAnoMmeM aura hamameM bahuterI bAtoM meM bheda-bhAva rakhA jAtA hai / yaha hameM baradAzta nahIM ho sakatA / isakI vyavasthA turaMta honI cAhie, nahIM to hamArA saba kAma bigar3a jAyagA / ye saba vidyArthI tathA dUsare loga, jo isa kAma meM zarIka hue haiM, eka bhI behUdA hukma baradAzta na kareMge / svAbhimAna kI rakSA karaneke uddezyase jo kAma hamane aMgIkAra kiyA hai, usameM yadi hameM apamAna hI sahana karanA par3e to yaha nahIM ho sakatA / " maiM usa aphasara ke pAsa gayA aura mere pAsa jitanI zikAyateM AI thIM, saba use sunA diiN| usane kahA - "ye saba zikAyateM mujhe likhakara de do / " sAtha hI usane apanA adhikAra bhI jtaayaa| kahA -- " zikAyata Apake mArphata nahIM ho sakatI / una nAyaba aphasaroMke mArphata mere pAsa AnI cAhie / maiMne uttarameM kahA -- "mujhe aphasarI nahIM karanA hai| phaujI rUpameM to maiM eka mAmUlI sipAhI hI hUM / paraMtu hamArI Tukar3I ke mukhiyAkI haisiyata se Apako "

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adhyAya 40 : satyAgrahako cakamaka 361 mujhe unakA pratinidhi maMjUra karanA caahie| " maiMne apane pAsa AI zikAyateM bhI peza kIM -- " nAyaba aphasara hamArI Tukar3I se binA pUche hI mukarrara kiye gaye haiM aura unake vyavahArase hamAre aMdara bahuta asaMtoSa phaila gayA hai / isalie unako vahAMse haTA diyA jAya aura hamArI Tukar3I ko apanA mukhiyA cunanekA adhikAra. diyA jAya / "1 para yaha bAta unako jaMcI nahIM / unhoMne mujhase kahA ki Tukar3IkA apane phasaroMko cunanA hI phaujI kAnUnake khilApha hai aura yadi usa aphasarako haTA diyA jAya to Tukar3I meM zrAjJA-pAlanakA nAma nizAna na raha jAyagA / isapara hamane apanI Tukar3I kI sabhA kI aura usameM satyAgrahake gaMbhIra pariNAmoM kI ora sabakA dhyAna dilAyA / lagabhaga sabane satyAgrahakI saugaMdha khAI / hamArI sabhAne prastAva kiyA ki yadi ye vartamAna aphasara nahIM haTAyeM ye aura Tukar3I ko apanA mukhiyA pasaMda na karane diyA gayA to hamArI Tukar3I Tara ra keMpameM jAnA baMda kara degI / aba maiMne aphasarako eka patra likhakara usameM unake ravaiyepara apanA ghora asaMtoSa prakaTa kiyA aura kahA ki mujhe adhikArakI jarUrata nahIM hai / maiM to kevala sevA karake isa kAmako sAMgopAMga pUrA karanA cAhatA huuN| maiMne unheM yaha bhI batAyA ki boara - saMgrAma meM maiMne kabhI adhikAra nahIM pAyA thA / phira bhI karnala gelave aura hamArI Tukar3I meM kabhI jhagar3ekA maukA nahIM AyA thA aura vaha mere dvArA hI merI Tukar3IkI icchA jAnakara saba kAma karate the / isa patrake sAtha usa prastAvakI nakala bhI bheja dI thI / kiMtu usa aphasarapara isakA kucha bhI asara na huA / usakA to ulaTA yaha khayAla huA ki sabhA karake hamArI Tukar3I ne jo yaha prastAva pAsa kiyA hai, vaha bhI sainika niyama aura maryAdAkA bhArI ullaMghana thA / usake bAda bhArata-maMtrI ko maiMne eka patra meM ye saba bAteM likha dIM aura hamArI sabhAkA prastAvabhI unake pAsa bheja diyA / bhArata-maMtrI ne mujhe uttarameM sUcita kiyA ki dakSiNa aphrIkI hAlata dUsarI thii| yahAM to Tukar3I ke bar3e aphasarako nAyaba aphasara mukarrara karanekA haka hai / phira bhI bhaviSya meM ve aphasara ApakI siphArizoMpara dhyAna diyA kareMge /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 usake bAda to unake-mere bIca bahuta patra-vyavahAra huA hai / paraMtu una saba kaDue anubhavoMkA varNana yahAM karake isa adhyAyako maiM laMbA karanA nahIM caahtaa| paraMtu itanA to kahe binA nahIM rahA jA sakatA ki ve anubhava vaise hI the, jaise ki roja hameM hiMdustAnameM hote rahate haiN| aphasaroMne kahIM dhamakAkara, kahIM tarakIbase kAma lekara , hamAre aMdara phUTa DAla dI / kasama khAneke bAda bhI kitane hI loga chala aura balake zikAra ho gaye / isI bIca neTalI aspatAlameM ekAeka ghAyala sipAhI akalpita saMkhyA meM A pahuMce aura inakI zuzrUSAke lie hamArI sArI Tukar3IkI jarUrata pdd'ii| aphasara jinako apanI ora kara sake the ve to neTalI pahuMca gaye para dUsare loga na gye| iMDiyA Aphisako yaha bAta acchI na lgii| maiM thA to bImAra aura bichaunepara par3A rahatA thA; paraMtu Tukar3I ke logoMse milatA rahatA thaa| mi0 rAbarTsase merA kAphI paricaya ho gayA thaa| vaha mujhase milane A pahuMce aura jo loga bAkI raha gaye the unheM bhI bhejanekA Agraha karane lge| unakA sujhAva yaha thA ki ve eka alaga Tukar3I banAkara jAveM / neTalI aspatAlameM to Tukar3Iko vahIMke aphasarake adhIna rahanA hogA, isalie ApakI mAnahAnikA bhI savAla nahIM rhegaa| idhara sarakArako unake jAnese saMtoSa ho jAyagA aura udhara jo bahutere jakhmI ekAeka A gaye haiM, unakI bhI zuzrUSA ho jaaygii| mere sAthiyoM aura mujhako yaha tajavIja pasaMda huI aura jo vidyArthI raha gaye the ve bhI neTalI cale gye| akelA maiM hI dAMta pIsatA bichaune meM par3A rahA / gokhalekI udAratA __ Upara maiM likha AyA hUM ki vilAyatameM mujhe pasalIke varamakI zikAyata ho gaI thii| isa bImArIke vakta gokhale vilAyatameM A pahuMce the| unake pAsa maiM va kelanabeka hamezA jAyA karate / unase adhikAMzameM yuddhakI hI bAteM huA krtiiN| jarmanIkA bhUgola kelanabekakI jabAnapara thA, yUropakI yAtrA bhI unhoMne bahuta kI thI, isalie vaha nakzA phailAkara gokhaleko lar3AIkI chAvaniyAM dikhAte /

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adhyAya 41 : gokhalekI udAratA 363 jaba maiM bImAra huA thA taba merI bImArI bhI hamArI carcAkA eka viSaya ho gaI thI / mere bhojanake prayoga to usa samaya bhI cala hI rahe the / usa samaya maiM mUMgaphalI, kacce aura pakke kele, nIbU, jaitUnakA tela, TamATara, aMgUra ityAdi cIjeM khAtA thA / dUdha, anAja, dAla vagairA cIjeM bilakula na letA thA / merI dekhabhAla jIvarAja mehatA karate the / unhoMne mujhe dUdha aura anAja lenepara bar3A jora diyaa| isakI zikAyata TheTha gokhaletaka pahuMcI / phalAhAra-saMbaMdhI merI dalIloMke vaha bahuta kAyala na the / taMdurustIkI hiphAjatake lie DaoNkTara jo-jo batAve vaha lenA cAhie, yahI unakA mata thA / gokhaleke Agrahako na mAnanA mere lie bahuta kaThina bAta thI / jaba unhoMne bahuta hI jora diyA taba maiMne unase 24 ghaMTetaka vicAra karanekI ijAjata mAMgI | kelanaveka aura maiM ghara aaye| rAstemeM maiMne unake sAtha carcA kI ki isa samaya merA kyA dharma hai / mere prayogameM vaha mere sAtha the / unheM yaha prayoga pasaMda bhI thA / paraMtu unakA rukha isa bAtakI tarapha thA ki yadi svAsthya ke lie maiM isa prayogako chor3a dUM to ThIka hogA / isalie aba apanI aMtarAtmAkI zrAvAjakA phaisalA lenA hI bAkI raha gayA thA / chor3a dUM to mere sAre vicAra aura maMtavya sArI rAta maiM vicArameM DUbA rahA / aba yadi maiM apanA sArA prayoga dhUlameM mila jAte the / phira una vicAroMmeM mujhe kahIM bhI bhUla na mAlUma hotI thI / isalie prazna yaha thA ki kisa zataka gokhaleke premake adhIna honA merA dharma hai, athavA zarIra rakSA ke lie aise prayoga kisa taraha chor3a denA caahie| aMtako maiMne yaha nizcaya kiyA ki dhArmika dRSTise prayogakA jitanA aMza Avazyaka hai utanA rakkhA jAya aura zeSa bAtoM meM DAkTarakI AjJA pAlana kiyA jaay| mere dUdha tyAgane meM dharma-bhAvanAkI pradhAnatA thI / kalakattemeM gAya-bhaiMsakA dUdha jina ghAtaka vidhiyoM dvArA nikAlA jAtA hai usakA dRzya merI prAMkhoM ke sAmane thA / phira yaha vicAra bhI mere sAmane thA ki mAMsakI taraha pazukA dUdha bhI manuSyakI khUrAka nahIM ho sktii| isalie dUdha - tyAgakA dRr3ha nizcaya karake maiM subaha uThA / isa nizcaya se merA dila bahuta halakA ho gayA thA, kiMtu phira bhI gokhalekA bhaya to thA hI / lekina sAtha hI mujhe yaha bhI vizvAsa thA ki vaha mere nizcayako ulaTanekA udyoga na kareMge /

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364 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 zAmako 'nezanala libarala klaba meM hama unase milane gye| unhoMne turaMta pUchA-- "kyoM DAkTarakI salAhake anusAra hI calanekA nizcaya kiyA hai na ?" maiMne dhIrese javAba diyA--- "aura saba bAteM maiM mAna lUMgA, paraMtu Apa eka bAtapara jora na diijiegaa| dUdha aura dUdhakI banI cIjeM aura mAMsa itanI cIjeM maiM na luuNgaa| aura inake na lenese yadi mauta bhI AtI ho to maiM samajhatA hUM usakA svAgata kara lenA merA dharma hai / " "Apane yaha aMtima nirNaya kara liyA hai ? " gokhalene pUchA / " maiM samajhatA hUM ki isake sivA maiM Apako dUsarA uttara nahIM de sakatA / maiM jAnatA hUM ki isase Apako duHkha hogaa| paraMtu mujhe kSamA kiijiegaa|" maiMne javAba diyA / gokhalene kucha duHkha se, paraMtu bar3e hI premase kahA-- "ApakA yaha nizcaya mujhe pasaMda nahIM / mujhe isameM dharmakI koI bAta nahIM dikhAI detii| para aba maiM isa bAtapara jora na duugaa|" yaha kahate hue jIvarAja mehatAkI ora mukhAtiba hokara unhoMne kahA-- "aba gAMdhI ko jyAdA dika na kro| unhoMne jo maryAdA bAMdha lI hai usake aMdara inheM jo-jo cIjeM dI jA sakatI haiM vahIM denI caahie|" DAkTarane apanI aprasannatA prakaTa kI; para vaha lAcAra the| mujhe mUMgakA pAnI lenekI salAha dii| kahA--- "usameM hIMgakA baghAra de lenaa|" maiMne ise maMjUra kara liyaa| eka-do dina maiMne vaha pAnI liyA bhI; paraMtu isase ulaTe merA darda bar3ha gyaa| mujhe vaha muAphika nahIM huaa| isase maiM phira phalAhAra para prA gyaa| Uparake ilAja to DAkTarane jo munAsiba samajhe kiye hii| usase alabattA kucha pArAma thaa| paraMtu merI ina maryAdAnoMpara vaha bahuta bigdd'te| isI bIca gokhale desa (bhAratavarSa) ko ravAnA hue, kyoMki vaha laMdanakA aktUbara-navaMbarakA koharA sahana nahIM kara sake / ilAja kyA kiyA ? pasalIkA darda miTa nahIM rahA thaa| isase merI ciMtA bddh'ii| para maiM itanA jarUra jAnatA thA ki davA-dArUse nahIM, balki bhojanameM parivartana karanese

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adhyAya 42 : ilAja kyA kiyA ? aura kuTa bAhya upacArase bImArI jarUra acchI ho jAnI cAhie / 1890 I0 meM maiM DAkTara elinsanase milA thA, joki phalAhArI the aura bhojanake parivartana dvArA hI bImAriyoMkA ilAja karate the| maiMne unheM bulaayaa| unhoMne Akara merA zarIra dekhaa| taba maiMne unase apane dUdhake virodhakA jikra kiyaa| unhoMne mujhe dilAsA diyA aura kahA, "dUdhakI koI jarUrata nhiiN| maiM to Apako kucha dina aisI hI khurAkapara rakhanA cAhatA hUM, jisameM kisI taraha carbIkA aMza na ho|" yaha kahakara pahale to mujhe sirpha sUkhI roTI, kacce zAka aura phalapara hI rahane ko kahA / kacce zAkoMmeM mUlI, pyAja tathA isI tarahakI dUsarI cIjeM aura sabjI evaM phaloMmeM khAsakara naarNgii| ina zAkoMko kIsakara yA pIsakara khAnekI vidhi batAI thii| koI tIneka dina isapara rahA houuNgaa| paraMtu kacce zAka mujhe bahuta muAphika nahIM hue| mere zarIrakI hAlata aisI nahIM thI ki vaha prayoga vidhi-pUrvaka kiyA jA sake, aura na usa samaya merA isa bAtapara vizvAsa hI thaa| isake alAvA unhoMne itanI bAteM aura vatAI-- caubIsoM ghaMTe khir3akI / khulI rakhanA, roja gunagune pAnI meM nahAnA, dardakI jagahapara tela malanA aura pAvaAdha ghaMTetaka khulI havAmeM ghUmanA / yaha saba mujhe pasaMda AyA / gharameM khir3akiyAM phreMca-tarjakI thiiN| unako sArA khola denese aMdara varSAkA pAnI AtA thaa| UparakA rozanadAna aisA nahIM thA jo khula sktaa| isalie usake kAMca tur3avAkara vahAMse caubIsoM ghaMTe havA AnekA rAstA kara liyaa| phaca khir3akiyAM itanI khulI rakhatA thA ki jisase pAnIphI bauchAreM bhItara na Ane pAveM / itanA saba karanese svAsthya kucha sudharA jarUra / abhI bilakula acchA to nahIM ho pAyA thaa| kabhI-kabhI leDI sisiliyA rAbarTsa mujhe dekhane aatiiN| unase merA acchA paricaya ho gayA thaa| usakI prabala icchA thI ki maiM dUdha piyA karUM / so to maiM karatA nahIM thaa| isalie unhoMne dUdhake guNavAle padArthokI chAnabIna zurU kii| unake kisI mitrane 'mAlTeDa milka' batAyA aura anajAnameM hI unhoMne kaha diyA ki isameM dUdhakA lezamAtra nahIM hai, balki rAsAyanika vidhise banAI dUdhake guNa rakhanevAlI vastuoMkI bukanI hai| maiM yaha jAna cukA thA ki leDI rAbarTsa merI dhArmika bhAvanAaoMko bar3e AdarakI dRSTise dekhatI thii| isa kAraNa maiMne usa bukanIko pAnI meM DAlakara piyA

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366 Atma-kathA: bhAga 4 to mujhe usameM dUdha jaisA hI svAda AyA / aba maiMne 'pAnI pIkara jAta pUchane, ' jaisI bAta kI / pI cukaneke bAda botalapara lagI ciTako par3hA to mAlUma huA ki yaha to dUdhakI hI banAvaTa hai / isalie eka hI bAra pIkara use chor3a denA par3A / leDI rAbarTsako maiMne isakI khabara kI aura likhA ki Apa jarA bhI ciMtA na kareM / sunate hI vaha mere ghara daur3a grAI aura isa bhUlapara bar3A aphasosa prakaTa kiyaa| unake mitrane botalavAlI ciTa par3hI hI nahIM thI / maiMne isa bhalI vahanako tasallI dI aura isa bAta ke lie unase mAphI mAMgI ki jo cIja itane kaSTake sAtha grApane bhijavAI, use maiM grahaNa na kara sakA / aura maiMne unase yaha bhI kaha diyA ki maiMne to anajAnameM yaha bukanI lI hai, so isake lie mujhe paracAtApa yA prAyazcitta karanekA koI kAraNa nahIM hai / leDI rAbarTsake sAtha aura bhI madhura saMsmaraNa haiM to, para unheM maiM yahAM chor3a hI denA cAhatA huuN| aise to bahuta-se saMsmaraNa haiM jinakA mahAn zrAnaMda mujhe bahuta vipattiyoM aura virodhameM bhI mila sakA hai| zraddhAvAn manuSya aise mIThe saMsmaraNoMmeM yaha dekhatA hai ki Izvara jisa taraha duHkha rUpI kar3aI auSadha detA hai| usI taraha vaha maitrIke mIThe anupAna bhI usake sAtha detA hai / dUsarI bAra jaba DAkTara elinsana dekhane Aye to unhoMne aura bhI cIjoM ke khAnekI chuTTI dI aura zarIrameM carbI bar3hAneke lie mUMgaphalI Adi sUkhe mevoMkI cIjoMkA makkhana athavA jaitUnakA tela leneke lie kahA / kacce zAka mugrAphika na hoM to unheM pakAkara cAvalake sAtha lenekI salAha dI / yaha tajavIja mujhe bahuta muAphika huI / paraMtu bImArI abhI nirmUla na huI thI / samhAla rakhane kI jarUrata to abhI thI hii| abhI bichaunepara hI par3A rahanA par3atA thaa| DAkTara mehatA bIca-bIca meM Akara dekha jAyA karate the aura jaba Ate tabhI kahA karateagara merA ilAja karAo to dekhate-dekhate ArAma ho jAya / yaha saba ho rahA thA ki eka roja mi0 rAbarTsa mere ghara Aye aura mujhe jora dekara kahA ki Apa desa cale jAo / unhoMne kahA, "aisI hAlata meM Apa neTalI hargija nahIM jA sakate / kar3AkekA jAr3A to abhI Age AnevAlA hai / maiM to Agrahake sAtha kahatA hUM ki Apa desa cale jAye aura vahAM jAkara caMge ho

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adhyAya 43 : bidA 367 jAyaMge / tabataka yadi yuddha jArI rahA to usameM madada karaneke aura bhI bahuta avasara mila jAyaMge / nahIM to jo kucha Apane yahAM kiyA hai use bhI maiM kama nahIM samajhatA / " mujhe unakI yaha salAha acchI mAlUma huI aura maiMne desa jAnekI' taiyArI kI / 43 bidA mi kelanabeka desa jAneke nizcayase hamAre sAtha ravAnA hue the / vilAyata meM hama sAtha hI rahate the / yuddha zurU ho jAneke kAraNa jarmana logoMpara khUba kar3I dekharekha thI aura hama sabako isa bAtapara zaka thA ki kelanabeka hamAre sAtha A sakeMge yA nahIM / unake lie pAsa prApta karanekA maiMne bahuta prayatna kiyA / mi0 rAbarTsa khuda unheM pAsa dilA deneke lie rajAmaMda the / unhoMne sArA hAla tAra dvArA bAisarAyako likhA, paraMtu lArDa hArDijakA sIdhA aura sUkhA javAba AyA-- "hameM aphasosa hai, hama isa samaya kisI taraha jokhima uThAne ke lie taiyAra nahIM haiM / hama sabane isa javAba ke aucitya ko samajhA / kelanabekake viyogakA duHkha to mujhe huA hI, paraMtu maiMne dekhA ki merI apekSA unako jyAdA huA / yadi vaha bhAratavarSa meM A sake hote to Aja eka bar3hiyA kisAna aura bunakarakA sAdA jIvana vyatIta karate hote / zrava vaha dakSiNa akIkA apanA vahI asalI jIvana vyatIta karate haiM aura sthapati ( makAna banAnevAle) kA dhaMdhA majese kara rahe haiM / " hamane tIsare darajekA TikaTa lenekI koziza kI; paraMtu 'pI eMDa pro' ke jahAjameM tIsare daraje kA TikaTa nahIM milatA thA, isalie dUsare darajekA lenA par3A / dakSiNa aphrIkAse hama kitanA hI aisA phalAhAra sAtha bAMdha lAye the jo jahAjoMmeM nahIM mila sakatA / vaha hamane sAtha rakha liyA thA aura dUsarI cIjeM jahAjameM milatI hI thIM / DAkTara mehatAne mere zarIrako mIDsa plAsTarake paTTese bAMdha diyA thA aura mujhe kahA thA ki paTTA baMdhA rahane denA / do dinake bAda vaha mujhe sahana na ho

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 sakA aura bar3I muzkilake bAda maiMne use utArA aura nahAna-dhone bhI lgaa| mukhyataH phala aura meveke sivAya aura kucha nahIM khAtA thaa| isase tabiyata dinadina sudharane lagI aura svejakI khAr3I meM pahuMcanetaka to acchI ho gii| yadyapi isase zarIra kamajora ho gayA thA phira bhI bImArIkA bhaya miTa gayA thaa| aura maiM roja dhIre-dhIre kasarata bar3hAtA gyaa| svAsthyameM yaha zubha parivartana to merA yaha khayAla hai ki samazItoSNa havAke badaulata hI huA / purAne anubhava athavA aura kisI kAraNase ho, aMgreja yAtriyoM aura hamAre aMdara jo aMtara maiM yahAM dekha pAyA vaha dakSiNa aphrIkAse Ate hue bhI nahIM dekhA thaa| vahAM bhI aMtara to thA, paraMtu yahAM usase aura hI prakArakA bheda dikhAI. diyA / kisI-kisI aMgrejake sAtha bAtacIta hotI; paraMtu vaha bhI 'sAhaba-salAmata'se Age nhiiN| hArdika bheMTa nahIM hotI thii| kiMtu dakSiNa aphrIkAke jahAjameM aura dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM hArdika bheMTa ho sakatI thii| isa bhedakA kAraNa to maiM yahI samajhA ki idharake jahAjoMmeM aMgrejoMke manameM yaha bhAva ki 'hama zAsaka haiM' aura hiMdustAniyoMke manameM yaha bhAva ki 'hama gairoMke gulAma haiM jAnameM yA anajAnameM kAma kara rahA thA / aise vAtAvaraNameMse jaldI chUTakara desa pahuMcaneke lie maiM Atura ho rahA thaa| adana pahuMcanepara aisA bhAsa huA mAno thor3e-bahuta ghara A gaye haiN| adanabAloMke sAtha dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM hI hamArA acchA saMbaMdha baMdha gayA thA; kyoMki bhAI kaikobAda kAvasajI dInazA Darabana A gaye the aura unake tathA unakI patnI ke sAtha merA acchA paricaya ho cukA thaa| thor3e hI dinameM hama baMbaI A pahuMce / jisa deza meM maiM 1905meM lauTanekI AzA rakhatA thA vahAM 10 varSa bAda pahuMcanese mere manako bar3A AnaMda ho rahA thaa| baMbaImeM gokhalene sabhA vagairAkA prabaMdha kara hI DAlA thaa| unakI tabiyata nAjuka thii| phira bhI vaha baMbaI A pahuMce the| unakI mulAkAta karake unake jIvana meM mila jAkara apane sirakA bojha utAra DAlanekI umaMgase maiM baMbaI pahuMcA thA, paraMtu vidhAtAne kucha aura hI racanA raca rakkhI thI / 'mere mana kachu aura hai, kartAke kachu aura / '

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adhyAya 44 : vakAlatakI kucha smRtiyAM 44 369 vakAlata kI kucha smRtiyAM hiMdustAna meM prAneke bAda mere jIvanakA pravAha kisa ora kisa taraha bahA --- isakA varNana karane ke pahale kucha aisI bAtoMkA varNana karane kI jarUrata mAlUma hotI hai, jo maiMne jAna-bUjhakara chor3a dI thIM / kitane hI vakIla mitroMne cAhA hai ki maiM apane vakAlatake dinoMke aura eka vakIlakI haisiyata se apane kucha anubhava sunAUM / anubhava itane jyAdA haiM ki yadi sabako likhane baiThUM to unhIM se eka pustaka bhara jAyagI / paraMtu aise varNana isa pustaka ke viSayakI maryAdAke bAhara cale jAte haiM / isalie yahAM kevala unhIM anubhavoMkA varNana karanA kadAcit anucita na na hogA, jinakA saMbaMdha satya se hai / jahAMtaka mujhe yAda hai, maiM yaha batA cukA hUM ki vakAlata karate hue maiMne kabhI asatyA prayoga nahIM kiyA aura vakAlatakA eka bar3A hissA kevala lokasevAke lie hI arpita kara diyA thA evaM usake lie maiM jeba kharca se adhika kucha nahIM letA thA aura kabhI-kabhI to vaha bhI chor3a detA thA / maiM yaha mAnakara calA thA ki itanI pratijJA isa vibhAga ke lie kAphI hai / paraMtu mitra loga cAhate haiM ki isase bhI kucha Age kI bAteM likhUM, kyoMki unakA khayAla hai ki yadi maiM aise prasaMgoMkA thor3A-bahuta bhI varNana karUM ki jinameM maiM satyakI rakSA kara sakA to usase vakIloM ko kucha jAnane yogya bAteM mila jAyeMgI / 24 maiM apane vidyArthI jIvanase hI yaha bAta sunatA A rahA hUM ki vakAlata meM binA jhUTha bole kAma nahIM cala sakatA / paraMtu mujhe to jhUTha bolakara na to koI pada prApta karanA thA, na kucha dhana juTAnA thA / isalie ina bAtoMkA mujhapara koI prabhAva nahIM par3atA thA / dakSiNa aphrIkA meM isakI kasauTI ke mauke bahuta bAra Aye / maiM jAnatA thA ki hamAre vipakSa gavAha sikhA-par3hAkara lAye gaye haiM aura maiM yadi thor3A bhI apane mavakkilako yA gavAhako jhUTha bolane meM utsAhita karUM to merA mavakkila jIta sakatA hai; paraMtu maiMne hamezA isa lAlacako pAsa nahIM phaTakane diyA / aise

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4. eka hI prasaMgakA smaraNa mujhe hotA hai ki jaba mere mavakkilakI jIta ho jAneke bAda mujhe aisA zaka huA ki usane mujhe dhokhA diyaa| mere aMtaHkaraNameM bhI hamezA yahI bhAva rahA karatA ki yadi mere mavakkilakA pakSa saccA ho to usakI jIta ho aura jhUThA ho to usakI hAra ho / mujhe yaha nahIM yAda par3atA ki maiMne apanI phIsakI dara mAmalekI hAra-jItapara nizcita kI ho| mavakkilakI hAra ho yA jIta, maiM to hamezA mihanatAnA hI mAMgatA aura jIta hone ke bAda bhI usIkI AzA rkhtaa| mavakkilako bhI pahale hI kaha detA ki yadi mAmalA jhUThA ho to mere pAsa na aanaa| gavAhoMko banAnekA kAma karanekI AzA mujhase na rakhanA / Age jAkara to merI aisI sAkha bar3ha gaI thI ki koI jhUThA mAmalA mere pAsa lAtA hI nahIM thaa| aise mavakkila bhI mere pAsa the jo apane sacce mAmale hI mere pAsa lAte aura jinameM jarA bhI gaMdagI hotI to ve dUsare vakIlake pAsa le jAte / ___ eka aisA samaya bhI AyA thA ki jisameM merI bar3I kar3I parIkSA huii| eka mere acche-se-acche. mavakkilakA mAmalA thaa| usameM jamAkharcakI bahuterI ulajhaneM thiiN| bahuta samagrase mAmalA cala rahA thaa| kitanI hI adAlatoMmeM usake kucha-kucha hisse gaye the| aMtako adAlata dvArA niyukta hisAba-parIkSaka paMcoMke jimme usakA hisAba sauMpA gayA thA / paMcake ThaharAvake anusAra mere mavakkilakI pUrI jIta hotI thI'; paraMtu usake hisAbameM eka choTI-sI paraMtu bhArI bhUla raha gaI thii| jamAnAmekI rakama paMcakI bhUlase ulaTI likha dI gaI thii| vipakSIne isa paMcake phaisaleko radda karanekI darakhvAsta dI thii| mere mavakkilakI taraphase maiM choTA vakIla thaa| bar3e vakIlane paMcakI bhUla dekha lI thI; paraMtu unakI rAya yaha thI ki paMcakI bhUla kabUla karaneke lie mavakkila bAdhya nahIM thA; unakI yaha sApha rAya thI ki apane khilApha jAnevAlI kisI bAtako maMjUra karane ke lie koI vakIla bAdhya nahIM hai / para maiMne kahA, isa mAmalekI bhUla to hameM kabUla karanI hI cAhie / ..... bar3e vakIlane kahA-- "yadi aisA kareM to isa bAtakA pUrA aMdezA hai ki adAlata isa sAre phaisaleko radda kara de aura koI bhI samajhadAra vakIla apane mavakkilako aisI jokhimameM nahIM ddaalegaa| maiM to aisI jokhima uThAneke lie kabhI taiyAra na houuNgaa| yadi mAmalA ulaTa jAya to mavakkilako kitanA kharca

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adhyAya 44: vakAlata kI kucha smRtiyAM "" uThAnA par3e aura aMtako kauna kaha sakatA hai ki natIjA kyA ho ? isa bAtacIta ke samaya hamAre mavakkila bhI maujUda I maiMne kahA, "maiM to samajhatA hUM ki mavakkilako aura hama logoMko aisI jokhima jarUra uThAnI caahie| phira isa bAtakA bhI kyA bharosA ki adAlatako bhUla mAlUma ho jAya aura hama use maMjUra na kareM to bhI vaha bhUla-bharA phaisalA kAyama hI rahegA aura yadi bhUla sudhArate hue mavakkilako nukasAna sahanA par3e to kyA harja hai ? bole / 371 66 'para yaha to tabhI na hogA jaba hama bhUla kabUla kareM ? " bar3e vakIla 66 'hama yadi maMjUra na kareM to bhI adAlata use na pakar3a legI athavA vipakSI bhI usako na dekha leMge isa bAtakA kyA nizcaya ? " maiMne uttara diyA / . " to isa mukadame meM Apa bahasa karane jAyaMge ? bhUla maMjUra karanekI zarta para maiM bahasa karane ke lie taiyAra nahIM / " bar3e vakIlane dRr3hatA ke sAtha kahA / maiMne namratApUrvaka uttara diyA, "yadi Apa na jAyaMge aura mavakkila cAheMge to maiM jAne ke lie taiyAra hUM / yadi bhUla kabUla na kI jAya to isa mukadame meM mere lie kAma karanA asaMbhava hai / " itanA kahakara maiMne mavakkila ke muMhakI ora dekhA / vaha jarA ciMtA meM par3e ; kyoMki isa mukadame meM maiM zurU se hI thA aura unakA mujhapara pUrA-pUrA vizvAsa thA / vaha merI prakRti se bhI pUre-pUre vAkipha the / isalie unhoMne kahA - " to acchI bAta hai, zrApa hI bahasa karane jAie / zaukase bhUla mAna lIjie / hAra hI nasIba meM likhI hogI to hAra jAyaMge / Akhira sAMcako grAMca kyA ? " yaha dekhakara mujhe bar3A AnaMda huaa| maiMne dUsare uttarakI AzA hI nahIM rakkhI thii| bar3e vakIlane mujhe khUba cetAyA aura merI 'haThadharmI' ke lie mujhapara tarasa khAyA aura sAtha hI dhanyavAda bhI diyA / aba adAlata meM kyA huA so agale adhyAyameM /

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372 Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 45 cAlAkI ? merI isa salAhake aucityake viSayameM mere manameM bilakula saMdeha na thA ; paraMtu isa bAtakI mere manameM jarUra hicakicAhaTa thI ki maiM isa mukadame meM yogyatApUrvaka bahasa kara sakU~gA yA nhiiN| aise jokhimavAle mukadame meM bar3I adAlatameM merA bahasa karaneke lie jAnA mujhe bahuta bhayAvaha mAlUma huaa| maiM manameM bahuta Darate aura kAMpate hue nyAyAdhIzoMke sAmane khar3A rhaa| jyoMhI isa bhUlakI bAta nikalI tyoMhI eka nyAyAdhIza kaha baiThe-- ___"kyA yaha cAlAkI nahIM hai ? " yaha sunakara merI tyaurI bdlii| jahAM cAlAkIkI bUtaka nahIM thI vahAM usakA zaka pAnA mujhe asahya mAlUma huaa| maiMne manameM socA ki jahAM pahalese hI nyAyAdhIzakA khayAla kharAba hai, vahAM isa kaThina mAmale meM kaise jIta hogI ? para maiMne apane gusseko dabAyA aura zAMta hokara javAba diyA-- "mujhe Azcarya hotA hai ki Apa pUrI bAteM sunanese pahale hI cAlAkIkA ilajAma lagAte haiN|" "maiM ilajAma nahIM lagAtA, sirpha apanI zaMkA prakaTa karatA huuN|" vaha nyAyAdhIza bole / . ... "ApakI yaha zaMkA hI mujhe to ilajAma jaisI mAlUma hotI hai| merI saba bAteM pahale suna lIjie aura phira yadi kahIM zaMkAke lie jagaha ho to Apa avazya zaMkA uThAveM"-- maiMne uttara diyA / - "mujhe aphasosa hai ki maiMne Apake bIcameM bAdhA ddaalii| Apa apanA spaSTIkaraNa kiijie|" zAMta hokara nyAyAdhIza bole / / mere pAsa spaSTIkaraNake lie pUrA-pUrA masAlA thaa| mAmalekI zurUpAtameM hI zaMkA uTha khar3I huI aura maiM jajako apanI dalIlakA kAyala kara skaa| isase merA hausalA bar3ha gyaa| maiMne use saba bAteM byaurevAra smjhaaii| jajane merI bAta dhIrajake sAtha sunI aura aMtako vaha samajha gaye ki yaha bhUla mahaja bhUla hI thI

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adhyAya 45 : cAlAkI? aura bar3e parizramase taiyAra kiye isa hisAbako radda karanA unheM acchA na mAlUma hunaa| vipakSake vakIlako to yaha vizvAsa hI thA ki isa bhUlake mAna liye jAnepara to unheM bahuta bahasa karanekI jarUrata na rhegii| paraMtu nyAyAdhIza aisI bhUlake lie, jo spaSTa ho gaI hai aura sudhara sakatI hai, paMcake phaisaleko radda karaneke lie bilakula taiyAra na the| vipakSake vakIlane bahuta mAthA-paccI kI, paraMtu jisa jajane zaMkA uThAI thI vahI mere himAyatI ho baiThe / ___"mi0 gAMdhIne bhUla na kabUla kI hotI to Apa kyA karate ? " nyAyAdhIzane puuchaa| ___"jina hisAba-vizAradoMko hamane niyukta kiyA unase adhika hoziyAra yA ImAnadAra vizeSajJoMko hama kahAMse lA sakate haiM ? " " hameM mAnanA hogA ki Apa apane mukadamekI asaliyata acchI taraha jAnate haiN| bar3e-se-bar3e hisAbake anubhavI bhUla kara sakate haiN| aura isa bhUla ke alAvA yadi koI dUsarI bhUla batA sake to phira kAnUnakI kamajora bAtoMkA sahArA lekara adAlata donoM pharIkainako phirase kharca meM DAlane ke lie taiyAra nahIM ho sktii| aura yadi Apa kaheM ki adAlata hI phira naye sirese isa mukadamekI sunavAI kare to yaha nahIM ho sakatA / " isa tathA isa tarahakI dUsarI dalIloMse vakIlako zAMta karake usa bhUlako sudhArakara phira apanA phaisalA bhejane kA hukma paMcake nAma likhakara nyAyAdhIzane usa sudhAre hue phaisale ko kAyama rkkhaa| isase mere harSakA pAra na rhaa| kyA mere mavakkila aura kyA bar3e vakIla donoM khuza hue aura merI yaha dhAraNA aura bhI dRr3ha ho gaI ki vakAlata meM bhI satyakA pAlana karake saphalatA mila sakatI hai / / paraMtu pAThaka isa bAtako na bhUleM ki jo vakAlata pezeke taurapara kI jAtI hai usakI mUlabhUta burAiyoMko yaha satyakI rakSA chipA nahIM sakatI /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 mavakkila sAthI bane neTAla aura TrAMsavAlakI vakAlatameM bheda thaa| neTAlameM eDavokeTa aura aTarnI ye do vibhAga hote hue bhI donoM tamAma adAlatoMmeM ekasAtha vakAlatakara sakate the| paraMtu TrAMsavAlameM baMbaIkI taraha bheda thaa| vahAM eDavokeTa mavakkilasaMbaMdhI sArA kAma aTarnIke mArphata hI kara sakatA thaa| jo bairisTara ho gayA ho vaha eDavokeTa athavA aTarnI kisI bhI ekake kAmakI sanada le sakatA hai aura phira vahI eka kAma kara sakatA thaa| neTAlameM maiMne eDavokeTakI sanada lI thI aura TrAMsavAlameM aTarnI kii| yadi eDavokeTakI lI hotI to maiM vahAMke hiMdustAniyoMke sIdhe saMparka meM na A pAtA aura dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM aisA vAtAvaraNa bhI nahIM thA ki gore aTarnI mujhe mukadame lA-lAkara dete / TrAMsavAlameM isa taraha vakAlata karate hue majisTreTakI adAlatameM maiM bahuta bAra jA sakatA thaa| aisA karate hue eka maukA aisA AyA ki mukadamekI sunavAIke bIcameM mujhe patA calA ki mavakkilane mujhe dhokhA diyA hai / usakA mukadamA jhUThA thA / vaha kaTaghare meM khar3A huA to mAno girA par3atA thaa| isase maiM majisTreTako yaha kahakara baiTha gayA ki Apa mere mavakkilake khilApha phaisalA dIjie / vipakSakA vakIla yaha dekhakara daMga raha gyaa| majisTreTa khuza huaa| maiMne mavakkilako bar3A ulAhanA diyA ; kyoMki use patA thA ki maiM jhUThe mukadame nahIM letA thaa| usane bhI yaha bAta maMjUra kI aura maiM samajhatA hUM ki usake khilApha phaisalA hone se vaha nArAja nahIM huaa| jo ho ; para itanA jarUra hai ki mere satya vyavahArakA koI burA asara mere pezepara nahIM huA aura adAlatameM merA kAma bar3A sarala ho gayA / maiMne yaha bhI dekhA ki merI isa satya-pUjAkI badaulata vakIla-baMdhunoMmeM bhI merI pratiSThA bar3ha gaI thI aura paristhitikI vicitratAke rahate hue bhI maiM unameMse kitanoMkI hI prIti saMpAdana kara sakA thA / vakAlata karate hue maiMne apanI eka aisI Adata bhI DAla lI thI ki maiM apanA ajJAna na mavakkilase chipAtA, na vakIloMse / jahAM bAta merI samajhameM

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adhyAya 47 : makkila jelase kaise bacA ? 37 nahIM vahAM maiM mavakkilako dUsare vakIloMke pAsa jAneko kahatA athavA yadi ve mujhe hI vakIla banAte to adhika anubhavI vakIlakI salAha lekara kAma karane kI preraNA karatA / apane isa zuddha bhAvakI badaulata maiM mavakkilakA akhUTa prema aura vizvAsa saMpAdana kara sakA thaa| bar3e vakIloMkI phIsa bhI ve khuzI-khuzI dete the / isa vizvAsa ra premakA pUrA-pUrA lAbha mujhe sArvajanika kAmoM meM milA / pichale adhyAyoMmeM maiM yaha batA cukA hUM ki dakSiNa aphrIkA meM vakAlata karane meM merA hetu kevala loka-sevA thA / isase sevA kArya ke lie bhI mujhe logoM kA vizvAsa prApta kara lene kI zrAvazyakatA thI / paraMtu vahAM ke udAra hRdaya bhAratIya bhAiyoMne phIsa lekara kI huI vakAlatako bhI sevAkA hI gaurava pradAna kiyA aura jaba unheM unake hakoM ke lie jela jAne aura vahAMke kaSToMke sahana karane kI salAha maiMne dI taba usakA aMgIkAra unameM se bahutoMne jJAnapUrvaka karanekI apekSA mere prati apanI zraddhA aura premake kAraNa hI adhika kiyA thA / yaha likhate hue vakAlata ke samaya kI kitanI hI mIThI bAteM kalama meM bhara rahI haiN| saikar3oM makkila mitra bana gaye, sArvajanika sevAmeM mere sacce sAthI bane aura unhoMne mere kaThina jIvanako rasamaya banA DAlA thA / 47 vakila jela se kaise bacA ! pArasI rustamajIke nAmase ina adhyAyoMke pAThaka bhalIbhAMti paricita haiM / pArasI rustamajI mere mavakkila aura sArvajanika kArya meM sAthI; eka hI sAtha bane; balki yaha kahanA cAhie ki pahale sAthI bane aura bAdako mavakkila / unakA vizvAsa to maine isa hadataka prApta kara liyA thA ki vaha apanI gharU aura khAnagI bAtoM meM bhI merI salAha mAMgate aura usakA pAlana karate / unheM yadi koI bImArI bhI ho to vaha merI salAhakI jarUrata samajhate aura unakI aura merI rahana-sahana meM bahuta kucha bheda rahanepara bhI vaha khuda mere upacAra karate / mere isa sAthIpara eka bAra bar3I bhArI vipatti A gaI thii| hAlAMki

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 vaha apanI vyApAra-saMbaMdhI bhI bahuta-sI bAteM mujhase kiyA karate the, phira bhI eka bAta mujhase chipA rakkhI thii| vaha cuMgI curA liyA karate the| baMbaI-kalakattese jo mAla maMgAte usakI cuMgImeM corI kara liyA karate the| tamAma adhikAriyoMse unakA rAha-rasUka acchA thaa| isalie kisIko unapara zaka nahIM hotA thaa| jo bIjaka vaha peza karate usIparase cuMgIkI rakama jor3a lI jaatii| zAyada kucha karmacArI aise bhI hoMge, jo unakI corIkI aorase AMkheM mUMda lete hoM / . . paraMtu AkhA bhagatakI yaha vANI kahIM jhUThI ho sakatI hai ? -- "kAco pAro khAvo anna, tevaM che corI nuM dhana / " / ( yAnI kaccA pArA khAnA aura corIkA dhana khAnA barAbara hai|) eka bAra pArasI rustamajIkI corI pakar3I gii| taba vaha mere pAsa daur3e aaye| unakI AMkhoMse AMsU nikala rahe the| mujhase kahA-- "bhAI, maiMne tumako dhokhA diyA hai| merA pApa Aja prakaTa ho gayA hai| maiM cuMgIkI corI karatA rahA huuN| aba to mujhe jela bhogane ke sivA dUsarI gati nahIM hai| basa, aba maiM barabAda ho gyaa| isa aAphatameMse to Apa hI mujhe bacA sakate haiN| maiMne vaise Apase koI bAta chipA nahIM rakkhI hai; paraMtu yaha samajhakara ki yaha vyApArakI corI hai, isakA jikra Apase kyA karUM, yaha bAta maiMne Apase chipAI thii| aba isake lie pachatAtA huuN|" ___maiMne unheM dhIraja aura dilAsA dekara kahA- "merA tarIkA to Apa jAnate hI haiN| chur3AnA-na-chur3AnA to khudAke hAtha hai| maiM to Apako usI hAlatameM chur3A sakatA hUM jaba Apa apanA gunAha kabUla kara leN|" . yaha sunakara isa bhale pArasIkA ceharA utara gayA / " paraMtu maiMne Apake sAmane kabUla kara liyA, itanA hI kyA kAphI nahIM hai ? " rustamajI seThane pUchA / "Apane kasUra to sarakArakA kiyA hai, to mere sAmane kabUla karanese kyA hogA ?" maiMne dhIrese uttara diyA / / : "aMtako to maiM vahI karUMgA, jo zrApa batAveMge; paraMtu mere purAne vakIlakI bhI to salAha le leM, vaha mere mitra bhI haiN|" pArasI rustamajI ne khaa|

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adhyAya 47 : savakkila jailase kaise bacA ? 377 adhika pUcha-tAcha karanese mAlUma huA ki yaha corI bahuta dinoM se hotI A rahI thI / jo corI pakar3I gaI thI vaha to thor3I hI thI / purAne vakIla ke pAsa hama loga gaye / unhoMne sArI bAta sunakara kahA ki " yaha mAmalA jUrI ke pAsa jAyagA | yahAMke jUrI hiMdustAnIko kyoM chor3ane lage ? para maiM nirAza honA nahIM cAhatA / ina vakIla sAtha merA gAr3hA paricaya na thA / isalie pArasI rustamajIne hI javAba diyA--" isake lie Apako dhanyavAda hai / paraMtu isa mukadame meM mujhe mi0 gAMdhI kI salAha ke anusAra kAma karanA hai / vaha merI bAtoMko adhika jAnate haiM / zrApa jo kucha salAha denA munAsiba samajheM hameM dete rahiegA / " isa taraha thor3e meM sameTakara hama rustamajI seThakI dUkAnapara gaye / nn 61 maiMne unheM samajhAyA -- 'mujhe yaha mAmalA adAlata meM jAne lAyaka nahIM dikhAI detA / mukadamA calAnA na calAnA cuMgI - aphasarake hAtha meM hai / use bhI sarakArake pradhAna vakIlakI salAha se kAma karanA hogA / maiM ina donoMse milane ke lie taiyAra hUM, paraMtu mujhe to unake sAmane yaha corIkI bAta kabUla karanA par3egI, joki ve abhItaka nahIM jAnate haiN| maiM to yaha socatA hUM ki jo juramAnA ve tajavIja kara deM use maMjUra kara lenA caahie| bahuta mumakina hai ki ve mAna jAyaMge / paraMtu yadi na mAneM to phira Apako jela jAneke lie taiyAra rahanA hogA / merI rAya to yaha hai ki lajjA jela jAnemeM nahIM, balki corI karane meM hai / aba lajjAkA kAma to ho cukA ; yadi jela jAnA par3e to use prAyazcitta hI samajhanA cAhie / saccA prAyazcitta to yaha hai ki aba Agese aisI corI na karanekI pratijJA kara lenI cAhie / " maiM yaha nahIM kaha sakatA ki rustamajI seTha ina saba bAtoMko ThIkaThIka samajha gaye hoM / vaha bahAdura AdamI the / para isa samaya himmata hAra gaye the / unakI ijjata bigar3a jAne kA maukA A gayA thA aura unheM yaha bhI Dara thA ki khuda mihanata karake jo yaha imArata khar3I kI thI vaha kahIM sArI kI sArI na Dhaha jAya / unhoMne kahA-- "maiM to Apase kaha cukA hUM ki merI gardana Apake hAthameM haiM / jaisA Apa munAsiba samajheM vaisA kareM / 12 maiMne isa mAmale meM apanI sArI kalA aura saujanya kharca kara DAlA /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 4 dhuMgIke aphasarase milA, corIkI sArI bAta maiMne niHzaMka hokara unase kahadoM, yaha bhI kaha diyA ki "Apa cAheM to saba kAgaja-patra dekha liijie| pArasI sstamajIko isa ghaTanApara bar3A pazcAttApa ho rahA hai / " / aphasarane kahA--- " maiM isa purAne pArasIko cAhatA huuN| usane kI to yaha bevakUphI hai; para isa mAmale meM merA pharja kyA hai, so Apa jAnate haiN| mujhe to pradhAna vakIlakI prAjJAke anusAra karanA hogaa| isalie Apa apanI samajhAnekI sArI kalAkA jitanA upayoga kara sakeM. vahAM kareM / " / "yadi pArasI rustamajIko adAlatameM ghasITa le jAnepara jora na diyA jAya to mere lie basa hai / " isa aphasarase abhaya-dAna prApta karake maiMne sarakArI vakIlake sAtha patravyavahAra zurU kiyA aura unase milA bhii| mujhe kahanA cAhie ki merI satyapriyatAko unhoMne dekha liyA aura unake sAmane maiM yaha siddha kara sakA ki maiM koI bAta unase chipAtA nahIM thaa| isa athavA kisI dUsare mAmale meM unase sAbakA par3A to unhoMne mujhe yaha pramANa-patra diyA thA-- "maiM dekhatA hUM ki Apa javAbameM 'nA' to lenA hI nahIM jAnate / " . rustamajIpara mukadamA nahIM calAyA gyaa| hukma huA ki jitanI corI pArasI rustamajIne kabUla kI hai usake dUne rupaye unase le liye jAyaM aura unapara mukadamA na calAyA jAya / ...... rustamajIne apanI isa cuMgI-corIkA kissA likhakara kAMcameM jar3Akara apane daphtarameM TAMga diyA aura apane vArisoM tathA sAthI vyApAriyoM ko aisA na karaneke lie khabaradAra kara diyA / rustamajI seThake vyApArI mitroMne mujhe sAvadhAna kiyA ki yaha saccA vairAgya nahIM, smazAna vairAgya hai / . para maiM nahIM kaha sakatA ki isa bAtameM kitanI satyatA hogii| jaba maiMne yaha bAta rustamajI seThase kahI to unhoMne javAba diyA ki Apako dhokhA dekara maiM kahAM jaauuNgaa|

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pAMcavAM bhAga pahalA anubhava mere deza pahuMcanese pahale hI phiniksase deza pahuMcanevAle loga vahAM pahuMca cuke the| hisAba to hama logoMne yaha lagAyA thA ki maiM unase pahale pahuMca jAUMgA; paraMtu maiM mahAyuddhake kAraNa laMdana meM ruka gayA thA, isalie mere sAmane savAla yaha thA ki phiniksa-vAsiyoMko rakkhU kahAM ? maiM cAhatA to yaha thA ki saba eka sAtha hI raha sakeM aura phiniksa-pAzramakA jIvana bitA sakeM to acchaa| kisI Azramake saMcAlakase merA paricaya bhI nahIM thA ki jisase maiM unheM vahAM jAneke lie likha detaa| isalie maiMne unheM likhA thA ki ve eMDrUja sAhabase milakara unakI salAhake mutAbika kAma kreN| - pahale ve kAMgar3I-gurukula meM rakkhe gye| vahAM svargIya zraddhAnaMdajIne unheM apane baccoMkI taraha rkkhaa| usake bAda ve zAMti-niketanameM rakkhe gaye, jahAM kavivarane aura unake samAjane unapara utanI hI prema-dRSTi kii| ina do sthAnoMpara jo anubhava unheM milA vaha unake tathA mere lie bar3A upayogI sAbita huaa| kavivara, zraddhAnaMdajI aura zrI suzIla rudrako maiM eMDrUjakI 'trimUrti' mAnatA thaa| dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM vaha ina tInoMkI stuti karate hue thakate nahIM the| dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM hamAre sneha-sammelanakI bahuta-sI smRtiyoMmeM yaha sadA merI AMkhoMke sAmane nAcA karatI hai ki ina tIna mahApuruSoMke nAma to unake hRdayameM aura aoThoMpara rahate hI the| suzIla rudrake paricayameM bhI eMDrUjane mere baccoMko lA diyA thaa| rudrake pAsa koI Azrama nahIM thA, unakA apanA ghara hI thA; paraMtu usa gharakA kabjA unhoMne mere isa parivArako de diyA thaa| unake bAla-bacce inake sAtha eka hI dinameM itane hila-mila gaye the ki ye phiniksako bhUla gaye /

Page #397
Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 jisa samaya maiM baMbaI baMdarapara utarA to vahAM mujhe khabara huI ki una dinoM yaha parivAra zAMti niketanameM thA / isalie gokhalese milakara maiM vahAM jAne ke lie adhIra ho rahA thA / baMbaImeM svAgata-satkArake samaya hI mujhe eka choTA-sA satyAgraha karanA par3A thA / mi0 peTiTake yahAM mere nimitta svAgata sabhA kI gaI thii| vahAM to svAgatakA uttara gujarAtI meM denekI' merI himmata na huI / isa mahala meM aura AMkhoM ko cauMdhiyA denevAle vahAMke ThATa-bATameM, maiM jo giramiTiyoMke sahavAsa meM rahA thA, dehAta ke eka gaMvArakI taraha mAlUma hotA thA / Aja jisa tarahakI veSa-bhUSA merI hai, usase to usa samayakA aMgarakhA, sAphA ityAdi adhika sabhya pahanAvA kahA jA sakatA hai / phira bhI usa alaMkRta samAja meM maiM eka bilakula alaga AdamI mAlUma hotA thA; paraMtu vahAM to maiMne jyoM-tyoM karake apanA kAma calAyA aura phirojazAha mehatAkI chAyAmeM jaise-taise prazraya liyA / aise avasarapara gujarAtI loga bhalA mujhe kyoM chor3ane lage ? svargIya uttamalAla trivedIne bhI eka sabhA nimaMtrita kI thii| isa sabhA ke saMbaMdha meM kucha bAteM maiMne pahale hI jAna lI thiiN| gujarAtI honeke kAraNa mi0 jinnA bhI usameM Aye the / vaha sabhApati the yA pradhAna vaktA the, yaha bAta maiM bhUla gayA huuN| unhoMne apanA choTA aura mIThA bhASaNa aMgrejI meM kiyA aura mujhe aisA yAda par3atA hai ki aura logoMke bhASaNa bhI aMgrejImeM hI hue the; paraMtu jaba mere bolanekA avasara AyA taba maiMne apanA javAba gujarAtI meM hI diyA aura gujarAtI tathA hiMdustAnI bhASA viSayaka apanA pakSapAta maiMne vahAM thor3e zabdoMmeM prakaTa kiyA / isa prakAra gujarAtiyoM kI sabhA meM aMgrejI bhASA ke prayogake prati maiMne apanA namra virodha pradarzita kiyA / aisA karate hue mere manameM saMkoca to bar3A hotA thA / bahuta samaya taka desa se bAhara rahane ke bAda jo zakhsa svadezako lauTatA hai vaha, desakI bAtoM se aparicita AdamI, yadi pracalita prathAke viparIta AcaraNa kare, to yaha praviveka to na hogA, yaha zaMkA manameM barAbara AyA karatI thI; paraMtu gujarAtI meM jo maiMne utara denekA sAhasa kiyA usakA kisIne ulTA artha nahIM lagAyA aura mere virodhako sabane sahana kara liyA, yaha dekhakara mujhe AnaMda huA aura isa para se maiMne yaha natIjA nikAlA ki mere dUsare, naye-se pratIta honevAle, vicAra bhI yadi maiM logoM ke sAmane rakkhUM 380

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adhyAya 2 : gokhaleke sAtha pUnAmeM 381 to isameM koI kaThinAI nahIM AvegI / isa taraha baMbaImeM do-eka dina rahakara desakA prAraMbhika anubhava le gokhalekI AjJAse maiM pUnA gayA / gokhaleke sAtha pUnAmeM mere baMbaI pahuMcate hI gokhalene mujhe turaMta khabara dI ki baMbaIke gavarnara Apase milanA cAhate haiM aura pUnA pAneke pahale Apa unase mila AveM to acchA hogaa| isalie maiM unase milane gyaa| mAmUlI bAtacIta honeke bAda unhoMne mujhase kahA-- "Apase maiM eka vacana lenA cAhatA huuN| maiM yaha cAhatA hUM ki sarakArake saMbaMdhameM yadi Apako kahIM kucha AMdolana karanA ho to usake pahale Apa mujhase ' mila leM aura bAtacIta kara leN|" maiMne uttara diyA ki yaha vacana denA mere lie bahuta sarala hai; kyoMki satyAgrahIkI hai siyatase merA yaha niyama hI hai ki kisI ke khilApha kucha karane ke pahale usakA dRSTi-biMdu khuda usIse samajha lUM aura apanese jahAMtaka ho sake usake anukUla honekA yatna kruuN| maiMne hamezA dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM isa niyamakA pAlana kiyA hai aura yahAM bhI maiM aisA hI karanekA vicAra karatA huuN| lArDa viliMgDanane isapara mujhe dhanyavAda diyA aura kahA-- "Apa jaba kabhI milanA cAheM, mujhase turaMta mila sakeMge aura Apa dekheMge ki sarakAra jAna-bUjhakara koI burAI karanA nahIM cAhatI / " maiMne javAba diyA-- " isI vizvAsapara to maiM jI rahA huuN|" aba maiM pUnA phuNcaa| vahAMke tamAma saMsmaraNa likhanA merI sAmarthyake bAhara hai| gokhalene aura bhArata-sevaka-samitike sadasyoMne mujhe premase pAga diyaa| jahAMtaka mujhe yAda hai unhoMne tamAma sadasyoMko pUnA bulAyA thaa| sabake sAtha dila kholakara merI bAteM huii| gokhalekI tIvra icchA thI ki maiM bhI samitimeM aajaauuN| idhara merI to icchA thI hI; paraMtu usake sadasyoMkI yaha dhAraNA huI

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382 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 ki samiti ke Adarza aura usakI kAryapraNAlI mujhase bhinna thI / isalie ve 88 duvidhA the ki mujhe sadasya honA cAhie yA nahIM / gokhale kI yaha mAnyatA thI ki apane Adarzapara dRr3ha rahane kI jitanI pravRtti merI thI utanI hI dUsaroMke Adarza kI rakSA karane aura unake sAtha mila jAnekA svabhAva bhI thA / unhoMne kahA-- 'paraMtu hamAre sAthI zrApake dUsaroMko nibhA leneke isa guNako nahIM pahacAna pAye haiN| ve apane Adarzapara dRr3ha rahanevAle svataMtra aura nizcita vicArake loga haiN| maiM AzA to yahI rakhatA hUM ki ve grApako sadasya banAnA maMjUra kara leMge; paraMtu yadi na bhI kareM to Apa isase yaha to hargija na samajheMge ki Apake prati unakA prema yA Adara kama hai / apane isa premako akhaMDita rahane dene ke lie hI ve kisI tarahakI' jokhima uThAnese Darate haiM; paraMtu Apa samiti ke bAkAyadA sadasya hoM, yA na hoM, maiM to Apako sadasya mAnakara hI calUMgA / " maiMne apanA saMkalpa unapara prakaTa kara diyA thA / samitikA sadasya bayAna banUM, eka grAzramakI sthApanA karake phiniksake sAthiyoMko usameM rakhakara maiM baiTha jAnA cAhatA thA / gujarAtI honeke kAraNa gujarAtake dvArA sevA karanekI pUMjI mere pAsa adhika honI cAhie, isa vicArase gujarAta meM hI kahIM sthira hone kI icchA thI / gokhale ko yaha vicAra pasaMda AyA aura unhoMne kahA -- " jarUra prAzrama sthApita karo / sadasyoMke sAtha jo bAtacIta huI hai usakA phala kucha bhI nikalatA rahe, paraMtu Apako zrAzrama ke lie dhana to mujha hI se lenA hai| use maiM apanA hI Azrama samakSUMgA / 11 yaha sunakara merA hRdaya phUla uThA | caMdA mAMgane kI jhaMjhaTase bacA, yaha samajhakara bar3I khuzI huI aura isa vizvAsase ki aba mujhe akele apanI jimmedArI - para kucha na karanA par3egA, balki hareka ulajhanake samaya mere lie eka pathadarzaka yahAM haiM, aisA mAlUma huA mAno mere sirakA bojha utara gayA / gokhalene svargIya DAkTara devako bulAkara kaha diyA -- " gAMdhI kA khAtA apanI samitimeM DAla lo aura unako apane Azrama ke lie tathA sArvajanika kAmoMke lie jo kucha rupayA cAhie, vaha dete jAnA / 11 maiM nA chor3akara zAMti niketana jAnekI taiyArI kara rahA thaa| aMtima rAtako gokhalene khAsa mitroMkI eka pArTI isa vidhise kI, jo mujhe rucikara hotI /

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adhyAya 3 : dhamakI? 383 usameM vahI cIjeM arthAt phala aura meve maMgAye the, jo maiM khAyA karatA thaa| pArTI unake kamarese kucha hI dUrapara thii| unakI hAlata aisI na thI ki ve vahAMtaka bhI A sakate; paraMtu unakA prema unheM kaise rukane detA ? vaha jida karake Aye the; paraMtu unheM gaza A gayA aura vApasa lauTa jAnA pdd'aa| aisA gaza unheM bAra-bAra A jAyA karatA thA, isalie unhoMne kahalavAyA ki pArTImeM kisI prakArakI gar3abar3a na honI caahie| pArTI kyA thI, samitike AzramameM atithi-gharake pAsa ke maidAnameM jAjama bichAkara hama loga baiTha gaye the aura mUMgaphalI, khajUra vagairA khAte hue prema-vArtA karate the evaM eka-dUsareke hRdayako adhika jAnanekA udyoga karate the / . . . __kiMtu unakI yaha mUrchA mere jIvanake lie koI mAmUlI anubhava nahIM thaa| dhamakI ? baMbaIse mujhe apanI vidhavA bhaujAI aura dUsare kuTuMbiyoMse milane ke lie rAjakoTa aura porabaMdara jAnA thaa| isalie maiM rAjakoTa gayA / dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM satyAgraha-AMdolanake silasile meM maiMne apanA pahanAvA lagabhaga giramiTiyA majUrakI taraha kara liyA thaa| vilAyatameM bhI yahI libAsa rakkhA thaa| desameM Akara maiM kAThiyAvAr3akA pahanAvA pahananA cAhatA thA, dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM kAThiyAvAr3I kapar3e mere pAsa the| isase baMbaImeM maiM kAThiyAvAr3I libAsameM arthAt kuratA, aMgarakhA, dhotI aura sapheda sAphA pahane hue utara. sakA thaa| ye saba kapar3e desI milake bane hue the| baMbaIse kAThiyAvAr3ataka tIsare darajemeM saphara karane kA nizcaya thaa| so vaha sAphA aura aMgarakhA mujhe eka jaMjAla mAlUma hue| isalie sirpha eka kuratA, dhotI aura ATha-dasa AnekI kazmIrI TopI sAtha rakkhe the| aise kapar3e pahananevAlA Ama taurapara garIba prAdamiyoMmeM hI ginA jAtA hai| isa samaya vIramagAma aura vaDhavANameM, plegake kAraNa, tIsare darajeke musAphiroMkI jAMca-par3atAla hotI thii| mujhe usa samaya halakA-sA. bukhAra thaa| jAMca karanevAle aphasarane merA hAtha dekhA to use vaha

Page #401
Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 garama mAlUma huA, isalie usane hukma diyA ki rAjakoTa jAkara DAkTarase milo aura merA nAma likha liyA / baMbaIse zAyada kisIne tAra yA ciTThI bheja dI hogI, isa kAraNa baDhavANa sTezanapara darjI motIlAla, jo vahAMke eka prasiddha prajA-sevaka mAne jAte the, mujhase milane aaye| unhoMne mujhase vIramagAmakI jakAtakI jAMcakA tathA usake saMbaMdhameM honevAlI takalIphoMkA jikra kiyaa| mujhe bukhAra car3ha rahA thA, isalie bAta karanekI icchA kama hI thii| maiMne unheM thor3emeM hI uttara diyA-- "Apa jela jAne ke lie taiyAra haiM ? " isa samaya maiMne motIlAlako vaisA hI eka yuvaka samajhA, jo binA vicAre utsAhameM 'hAM' kara lete haiM, paraMtu unhoMne bar3I dRr3hatAke sAtha uttara diyA-- _"hAM, jarUra jela jAyaMge; para Apako hamArA aguA bananA par3egA / kAThiyAvAr3IkI haisiyatase Apapara hamArA pahalA haka hai| abhI to hama Apako nahIM roka sakate, paraMtu vApasa lauTate samaya Apako baDhavANa jarUra utaranA pdd'egaa| yahAMke yuvakoMkA kAma aura utsAha dekhakara Apa khuza hoNge| Apa jaba cAheM taba apanI senAmeM hameM bharatI kara sakeMge / " . usa dinase motIlAlapara merI najara Thahara gaI / unake sAthiyoMne unakI stuti karate hue kahA- "yaha bhAI darjI hai / para apane hunarameM bar3e teja haiN| roja eka ghaMTA kAma karake, pratimAsa koI paMdraha rupaye apane kharcake lAyaka paidA kara lete haiM; zeSa sArA samaya sArvajanika sevA meM lagAte haiM aura hama saba par3he-likhe logoMko rAha dikhAte haiM aura zarmiMdA karate haiN|" bAdako bhAI motIlAlase merA bahuta sAbakA par3A thA aura maiMne dekhA ki unakI isa stutimeM atyukti na thii| satyAgraha-prAzramakI sthApanAke bAda vaha hara mahIne kucha dina pAkara vahAM raha jAte / baccoMko sInA sikhAte aura AzramameM sInekA kAma bhI kara jaate| vIramagAmakI kucha-na-kucha bAteM vaha roja sunAte / musAphiroMko usase jo kaSTa hote the vaha inheM nAgavAra ho rahe the| ina motIlAlako bImArI bhara-javAnI meM hI khA gaI aura baDhavANa unake binA sUnA ho gayA / . rAjakoTa pahuMcate hI maiM dUsare dina subaha pUrvokta hukmake anusAra aspatAla

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adhyAya 3 : dhamakI ? gyaa| vahAM to maiM kisIke lie ajanabI thA nhiiN| DAkTara mujhe dekhakara zarmAye aura usa jAMca-karmacArIpara gussA hone lge| mujhe isameM gussekI koI vajaha mAlUma nahIM hotI thii| usane to apanA pharja adA kiyA thaa| eka to vaha mujha pahacAnatA nahIM thA aura dUsare pahacAnanepara bhI usakA to phaja yahI thA ki jo hukma milA usakI tAmIla kare; paraMtu maiM thA mazahUra AdamI / isalie rAjakoTameM mujhe kahIM jAMca karaneke lie jAneke badale loga ghara Akara merI pUcha-tAcha karana lge| tIsare darajeke musAphiroMkI jAMca aise mAmaloMmeM Avazyaka hai| jo loga bar3e samajhe jAte haiM ve bhI agara tIsare darjemeM saphara kareM to unheM una niyamoMkA pAlana, jo garIboMpara lagAye jAte haiM, khuda-ba-khuda karanA cAhie aura karmacAriyoMko bhI unakA pakSapAta na karanA cAhie; paraMtu merA to anubhava yaha hai ki kamacArI loga tIsare darje ke musAphiroMko aAdamI nahIM, balki jAnavara samajhate haiN| abetabeke sivAya unase bolate nahIM haiN| tIsare darjekA musAphira na to sAmane javAba de sakatA hai, na koI bAta kaha sakatA hai / becAroMko isa taraha peza AnA par3atA hai, mAno vaha ucca karmacArIkA koI naukara ho| relake naukara use pITa dete haiM, rupaye-paise chIna lete haiM, usakI Trena cukA dete haiN| TikaTa dete samaya unako bahuta halAte haiN| ye saba bAteM maiMne khuda anubhava kI haiN| isa burAIkA sudhAra usI hAlatameM ho sakatA hai, jabaki par3he-likhe aura dhanI loga garIbakI taraha rahane lageM aura tIsare darjemeM saphara karake aisI eka bhI suvidhAkA lAbha na uThAveM jo garIba musAphirako na milatI ho aura vahAMkI asuvidhA, aviveka, anyAya aura vIbhatsatAko cupacApa na sahana karate hue usakA virodha kareM aura usako miTA deN| kAThiyAvAr3ameM maiM jahAM-jahAM gayA, vahAM-vahAM vIramagAmako jakAtakI jAMcase honevAlI takalIphoMkI zikAyateM maiMne sunIM / isalie lArDa viliMgDanane jo nimaMtraNa majhe de rakkhA thA usakA maiMne turaMta upayoga kiyaa| isa saMbaMdhameM jitane kAgaja-patra mila sakate the saba maiMne pddh'e| maiMne dekhA ki ina zikAyatoMmeM bahuta tathya thA / usako dUra karaneke lie maiMne baMbaI-sarakArase likhA-par3hI kii| usake sekreTarIse milaa| lArDa viliMgDanase bhI milaa| unhoMne sahAnubhUti dikhAI; paraMtu kahA ki dillIkI taraphase DhIla

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386 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5. 66 ho rahI hai / 'yadi yaha bAta hamAre hAthameM hotI to hama kabhIke isa jakAtako uThA dete / zrApa bhArata sarakArake pAsa apanI zikAyata le jAie / " sekreTarI kahA maiMne bhArata-sarakArake sAtha likhA-par3hI zurU kI; paraMtu vahAMse pahuMcake lAvA kucha bhI javAba nahIM milA / jaba mujhe lArDa cemsaphorDa se milane kA avasara AyA, taba arthAt do-tIna varSakI likhA-par3hI ke bAda kucha sunavAI huI / lArDa cemsaphorDase maiMne isakA jikra kiyA to unhoMne isapara Azcarya prakaTa kiyA / vIramagAmake mAmalekA unheM kucha patA na thA / unhoMne merI bAteM gaurake sAtha sunI aura usI samaya TelIphona karake vIramagAmake kAgaja patra maMgAye aura vacana diyA ki yadi isake khilApha karmacAriyoMko kucha kahanA na hogA to jakAta rada kara dI jAyagI / isa mulAkAtake thor3e hI dina bAda akhabAroMmeM par3hA ki jakAta rada ho gaI / isa jItako maiMne satyAgrahakI buniyAda mAnA; kyoMki vIramagAmake saMbaMdha meM jaba bAteM huIM taba baMbaI - sarakArake sekreTarI ne mujhase kahA thA ki bagasarA meM isa saMbaMdha meM ApakA jo bhASaNa huA thA usakI nakala mere pAsa hai / aura usameM maiMne jo satyAgrahakA ullekha kiyA thA usapara unhoMne apanI nArAjagI bhI batalAI / unhoMne mujhase pUchA - " Apa ise dhamakI nahIM kahate ? isa prakAra balavAn sarakAra kahIM dhamakI kI paravAha kara sakatI hai ? 33 maiMne javAba diyA- " yaha dhamakI nahIM hai / yaha to lokamatako zikSita karanekA upAya hai / logoMko apane kaSTa dUra karaneke lie tamAma ucita upAya batAnA mujha jaisoMkA dharma hai / jo prajA svataMtratA cAhatI hai usake pAsa apanI rakSAkA aMtima ilAja avazya honA caahie| Ama taurapara aise ilAja hiMsAtmaka hote haiM; paraMtu satyAgraha zuddha ahiMsAtmaka zastra hai / usakA upayoga aura usakI maryAdA batAnA maiM apanA dharma samajhatA hUM / aMgreja sarakAra balavAn hai, isa bAtapara mujhe saMdeha nahIM; paraMtu satyAgraha sarvopari zastra hai, isa viSaya meM bhI mujhe koI saMdeha nahIM / " isapara usa samajhadAra sekreTarIne sira hilAyA aura kahA -- " dekheMge /

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adhyAya 4 : zAMti-niketana 4 387 zAMti niketana rAjakoTa se maiM zAMti niketana gayA / vahAMke adhyApakoM aura vidyArthiyoMne mujhapara bar3I prema-vRSTi kI / svAgatakI vidhimeM sAdagI, kalA aura premakA suMdara mizraNa thA / vahAM kAkA sAhaba kAlelakarase merI pahalI bAra mulAkAta huI / kAlelakara 'kAkA sAhaba' kyoM kahalAte the, yaha maiM usa samaya nahIM jAnatA thA; para bAdako mAlUma huA ki kezavarAva dezapAMDe, jo vilAyatameM mere samakAlIna the aura jinake sAtha vilAyata meM merA bahuta paricaya ho gayA thA, bar3audA rAjya meM 'gaMganAtha vidyAlaya kA saMcAlana kara rahe the / unakI bahuterI bhAvanAoM meM eka yaha bhI thI ki vidyAlaya meM kuTuMbabhAva honA caahie| isa kAraNa vahAM tamAma adhyApakoMke kauTuMbika nAma khakhe gaye the / isameM kAlelakarako 'kAkA' nAma diyA thA / phar3ake 'mAmA' hue| harihara zarmA 'aNNA' bane / isI taraha aura bhI nAma rabakhe gaye / Age calakara isa kuTuMbameM prAnaMdAnaMda (svAmI) kAkA ke sAthI ke rUpameM aura paTavardhana (appA) mAmAke mitrake rUpameM isa kUTuMbameM zAmila hue / isa kuTuMbake ye pAMcoM sajjana eka ke bAda eka mere sAthI hue / dezapAMDe 'sAheba' ke nAmase vikhyAta hue / sAhebakA vidyAlaya baMda honeke bAda yaha kuTuMba titarabitara ho gayA; paraMtu ina logoMne apanA prAdhyAtmika saMbaMdha nahIM chor3A | kAkA sAhaba taraha-taraha ke anubhava lene lage aura isI krama meM vaha zAMti niketanameM raha rahe the| usI maMDalake eka aura sajjana ciMtAmaNi zAstrI bhI vahAM rahate the / ye donoM saMskRta par3hAne meM sahAyatA dete the / zAMti niketanameM mere maMDalako alaga sthAnameM ThaharAyA gayA thaa| vahAM maganalAla gAMdhI usa maMDalakI dekhabhAla kara rahe the aura phiniksa Azramake tamAma niyamoMkA bArIkI se pAlana karAte the / maiMne dekhA ki unhoMne zAMti niketana meM apane prema, jJAna aura udyoga-zIlatA ke kAraNa apanI sugaMdha phailA rakkhI thI / eMDrUja to vahAM the hii| pIyarsana bhI the / jagadAnaMda bAbU, saMtoSa bAbU, kSitija mohana bAbU, nagIna bAbU, zarada bAbU, aura kAlI bAbUse unakA acchA paricaya ho gayA thA !

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 apane svabhAva ke anusAra meM vidyArthiyoM aura zikSakoMmeM mila-jula gayA aura zArIrika zrama tathA kAma karane ke bAremeM vahAM carcA karane lgaa| maiMne sUcita kiyA ki vaitanika rasoiyAkI jagaha yadi zikSaka aura vidyArthI hI apanI rasoI pakA leM to acchA ho / rasoI-gharapara Arogya aura nItikI dRSTise zikSakagaNa dekha-bhAla kareM aura vidyArthI svAvalaMbana aura svayaMpAkakA padartha - pATha leM / yaha bAta maiMne vahAMke zikSakoMke sAmane upasthita kii| eka-do zikSakoMne to isapara sira hilA diyA; paraMtu kucha logoMko merI bAta bahuta pasaMda bhI aaii| bAlakoMko to vaha bahuta hI jaMca gaI; kyoMki unako to svabhAva se hI hareka naI bAta A jAyA karatI hai / basa, phira kyA thA, prayoga zurU huA / jaba kavivarataka yaha bAta pahuMcI to unhoMne kahA, yadi zikSaka logoMko yaha bAta pasaMda nA jAya to mujhe yaha jarUra priya hai / unhoMne vidyArthiyoMse kahA ki yaha svarAjya kI kuMjI hai / pIyarsa ne isa prayogako saphala karanemeM jI - jAnase mihanata kI / unako yaha bAta bahuta hI pasaMda AI thii| eka ora zAka kATanevAloMkA jamaghaTa ho gayA, dUsarI ora anAja sApha karanevAlI maMDalI baiTha gaI / rasoI ghara ke AsapAsa zAstrIya zuddhi karanemeM nagIna bAbU Adi DaTa gaye / unako kudAlI phAvar3e lekara kAma karate hue dekha merA hRdaya bAsoM uchalane lagA / paraMtu yaha zArIrika zramakA kAma aisA nahIM thA ki savA-sau lar3ake aura zikSaka ekAeka baradAzta kara sakeM / isalie roja isapara bahasa hotI / kitane hI loga thaka bhI jAte; kiMtu pIyarsana kyoM thakane lage ? vaha hamezA haMsamukha rahakara rasoIke kisI-na-kisI kAmameM lage hI rhte| bar3e-bar3e bartanoMko mAMjanA unhIMkA kAma thA / vartana mAMjanevAlI Tukar3IkI thakAvaTa utAraneke lie kitane hI vidyArthI vahAM sitAra bajAte / hara kAmako vidyArthI bar3e utsAha ke sAtha karane lage aura sArA zAMti niketana zahadake chattekI taraha gUMjane lagA / isa taraha ke parivartana jo eka bAra AraMbha hote haiM to phira ve rukate nahIM / phiniksakA rasoI-ghara kevala svAvalaMbI hI nahIM thA; balki usameM rasoI bhI bahuta sAdA banatI thI / masAle vagairA kAmameM nahIM lAye jAte the / isalie bhAta, dAla, zAka aura gehUMkI cIjeM bhAphameM pakA lI jAtI thIM / baMgAlI bhojanameM sudhAra karaneke irAdese isa prakArakI eka pAkazAlA rakkhI gaI thii| isameM 388

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adhyAya 4 : zAMti-niketana eka-do adhyApaka aura kucha vidyArthI zAmila hue the| aise prayogoMke phalasvarUpa sArvajanika arthAt bar3e bhojanAlayako svAvalaMbI rakhanekA prayoga zurU ho sakA thaa| paraMtu aMtako kucha kAraNoMse yaha prayoga baMda ho gyaa| merA yaha nizcita mata hai ki thor3e samayake lie bhI isa jaga-vikhyAta saMsthAne isa prayogako karake kucha khoyA nahIM hai aura usase jo-kucha anubhava hue haiM ve usake lie upayogI sAbita merA irAdA zAMti-niketanameM kucha dina rahanekA thA; paraMtu mujhe vidhAtA jabardastI vahAMse ghasITa le gyaa| maiM muzkilase vahAM eka saptAha rahA hoU~gA ki pUnAse gokhaleke avasAnakA tAra milaa| sArA zAMti-niketana zokameM DUba gyaa| mere pAsa saba mAtama-purasIke lie Aye / vahAMke maMdirameM khAsa sabhA huii| usa samaya vahAMkA gaMbhIra dRzya apUrva thaa| maiM usI dina pUnA ravAnA huA / sAthameM patnI aura maganalAlako liyaa| bAkI saba loga zAMti-niketana meM rahe / eMDrUja bardavAnataka mere sAtha Aye the| unhoMne mujhase pUchA, "kyA aApako pratIta hotA hai ki hiMdustAnameM satyAgraha karanekA samaya AvegA ? yadi hAM, to kaba ? isakA kucha khayAla hotA hai ? " ... maiMne isakA uttara diyA-- "yaha kahanA muzkila hai| abhI to eka sAlataka maiM kucha karanA hI nahIM caahtaa| gokhalene mujhase vacana liyA hai ki maiM eka sAlataka bhramaNa karUM / kisI bhI sArvajanika praznapara apane vicAra na banAUM, na prakaTa kruuN| maiM akSarazaH isa vacanakA pAlana karanA cAhatA huuN| isake bAda bhI maiM tabataka koI bAta na kahUMgA, jabataka kisI praznapara kucha kahane kI AvazyakatA na hogii| isalie maiM nahIM samajhatA ki agale pAMca varSataka satyAgraha karanekA koI avasara AvegA / " yahAM itanA kahanA Avazyaka hai ki 'hiMda svarAjya meM maiMne jo vicAra pradarzita kiye haiM gokhale unapara haMsA karate aura kahate the, 'eka varSa tuma hiMdustAna meM rahakara dekhoge to tumhAre ye vicAra apane-Apa ThikAne laga jaayNge|'

Page #407
Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 tIsare darjekI phajIhata bardavAna pahuMcakara hama tIsare darjekA TikaTa lenA cAhate the; para TikaTa lene meM bar3I musIbata huii| TikaTa lene pahuMcA to javAba milA-- "tIsare darje ke musAphirake lie pahalese TikaTa nahIM diyA jaataa|" taba sTezana-mAsTarake pAsa gayA / mujhe bhalA vahAM kauna jAne detA? kisIne dayA karake batAyA ki sTezanamAsTara vahAM haiN| maiM phuNcaa| unake pAsase bhI vahI uttara milA / jaba khir3akI khulI taba TikaTa lene gayA; paraMtu TikaTa milanA AsAna nahIM thaa| haTTe-kaTTe musAphira mujha-jaisoMko pIche dhakelakara Age ghusa jaate| Akhira TikaTa to kisI taraha mila gayA / . gAr3I aaii| usameM bhI jo jabardasta the, ve ghusa gye| utaranevAloM aura car3hanevAloMke sira TakarAne lage aura dhakkA-mukkI hone lgii| isameM bhalA maiM kaise zarIka ho sakatA thA ? isalie hama donoM eka jagahase dUsarI jagaha jAte / saba jagahase yahI javAba milatA-- " yahAM jagaha nahIM hai|" taba maiM gArDa ke pAsa gyaa| usane javAba diyA-- "jagaha mile to baiTha jAo, nahIM to dUsarI gAr3Ise jaanaa|" maiMne naramIse uttara diyA- "para mujhe jarUrI kAma hai|" gArDako yaha sunanekA vakta nahIM thaa| aba maiM saba tarahase hAra gyaa| maganalAlase kahA-- "jahAM jagaha mila jAya, baiTha jaano|" aura maiM patnIko lekara tIsare darje ke TikaTase hI Dyaur3he darje meM ghusaa| gArDane mujhe usameM jAte hue dekha liyA thaa| ....... Asanasola sTezanapara gArDa Dyor3he darjekA kirAyA lene aayaa| maiMne kahA-- " aApakA pharja thA ki Apa mujhe jagaha batAte / vahAM jagaha na milanese maiM yahAM baiTha gyaa| mujhe tIsare darjemeM jagaha dilAie to maiM vahAM jAneko taiyAra huuN|" . gArDa sAhaba bole-- "mujhase tuma dalIla na kro| mere pAsa jagaha nahIM hai, kirAyA na doge to tumako gAr3Ise utara jAnA hogaa|" ___mujhe to kisI taraha jaldI pUnA pahuMcanA thaa| gArDase lar3anekI merI himmata nahIM thii| lAcAra hokara maiMne kirAyA cukA diyaa| usane TeTha pUnAlakA

Page #408
adhyAya 5 : tIsare darjekI phajIhata Dyor3he darjekA kirAyA vasUla kiyaa| mujhe yaha anyAya bahuta akharA / subaha hama mugalasarAya Aye / maganalAlako tIsare darje meM jagaha mila gaI thii| vahAM maiMne TikaTa kalekTarako saba hAla sunAyA aura isa ghaTanAkA pramANa patra usase mAMgA / usane inkAra kara diyA / maiMne relaveke bar3e aphasarako adhika bhAr3A vApasa milane ke lie darakhvAsta dI / usakA isa prAzayakA uttara milA-" pramANa-patrake binA adhika bhAr3ekA rupayA lauTAnekA rivAja hamAre yahAM nahIM hai, paraMtu yaha grApakA mAmalA hai, isalie Apako lauTA dete haiM / bardavAna se mugalasarAyatakakA adhika kirAyA vApasa nahIM diyA jA sakatA / isake bAda tIsare darje ke sapharake itane anubhava hue haiM ki unakI eka pustaka bana sakatI hai; paraMtu prasaMgopAtta unakA jikra karaneke uparAMta ina adhyAyoMmeM unakA samAveza nahIM ho sakatA / zarIra prakRtikI pratikUlatAke kAraNa merI tIsare darjekI yAtrA baMda ho gii| yaha bAta mujhe sadA khaTakatI rahatI hai aura khaTakatI rahegI / tIsare darjeke saphara meM karmacAriyoMkI 'jo hukmI kI jillata to uThAnI hI par3atI hai; paraMtu tIsare darjeke yAtriyoMkI jahAlata, gaMdagI, svArtha bhAva aura jJAnakA bhI kama anubhava nahIM hotA / khedakI bAta to yaha hai ki bahuta bAra to musAphira jAnate hI nahIM ki ve uddaMDatA karate haiM yA gaMdagI bar3hAte haiM yA svArtha siddhi cAhate haiM / ve jo kucha karate haiM vaha unheM svAbhAvika mAlUma hotA hai / aura idhara hama, jo sudhAraka' kahe jAte haiM, unakI bilakula parvAha nahIM karate / ' ' 391 kalyANa jaMkzana para hama kisI taraha thake-mAMde pahuMce / nahAnekI taiyArI kI / maganalAla aura maiM sTezanake nalase pAnI lekara nahAye / patnI ke lie maiM kucha tajavIja kara rahA thA ki itanemeM bhArata sevaka samiti ke bhAI kaulane hamako phcaanaa| vaha bhI pUnA jA rahe the| unhoMne kahA-- " inako to nahAne ke lie dUsare darjeke kamaremeM le jAnA caahie| unake isa saujanya se lAbha uThAte hue mujhe saMkoca huA / maiM jAnatA thA ki patnIko dUsare darjeke kamarese lAbha uThAnekA adhikAra na thA; paraMtu maiMne isa anaucityakI aura usa samaya prAMkheM mUMda lIM / satya ke pujArIko satyakA itanA ullaMghana bhI zobhA nahIM detA / patnIkA prAgraha nahIM thA ki vaha usameM jAkara nahAve; paraMtu patike moharUpI suvarNapAtrane satyako DhAMka liyA thA /

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392 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 merA prayatna pUnA pahuMcakara uttara - kriyA ityAdise nivRtta ho hama saba loga isa bAtapara vicAra karane lage ki samitikA kAma kaise calAyA jAya aura maiM usakA sadasya banUM yA nahIM / isa samaya mujhapara bar3A bojha prA par3A thA / gokhaleke jItejI mujhe samitimeM praveza karanekI AvazyakatA hI nahIM thIM / maiM to sirpha gokhalekI AjJA ra icchAke adhIna rahanA cAhatA thA / yaha sthiti mujhe bhI pasaMda thI; kyoMki bhAratavarSake-jaise tUphAnI samudrameM kUdate hue mujhe eka dakSa karNadhArakI' AvazyakatA thI aura gokhale - jaise karNadhArake Azraya meM maiM apaneko surakSita samajhatA thA / aba merA mana kahane lagA ki mujhe samitimeM praviSTa honeke lie jarUra prayatna karanA caahie| maiMne socA ki gokhalekI AtmA yahI cAhatI hogI / maiMne binA saMkoca dRr3hatAke sAtha prayatna zurU kiyA / isa samaya samitike saba sadasya vahAM maujUda the / maiMne unako samajhAne aura mere saMbaMdhameM jo bhaya unheM thA usako dUra karanekI bharasaka koziza kI, para maiMne dekhA ki sadasyoMmeM isa viSayapara matabheda thA / kucha sadasyoMkI rAya thI ki mujhe samitimeM le lenA cAhie aura kucha dRr3hatApUrvaka isakA virodha karate the; paraMtu donoMke manameM mere prati prema-bhAva kI kamI na thI; kiMtu hAM, mere prati premakI apekSA samitike prati unakI vaphAdArI zAyada adhika thI; mere prati premase to kama kisI hAlata meM na thI / isase hamArI yaha sArI bahasa mIThI thI aura kevala siddhAMtapara hI thI / jo mitra merA virodha kara rahe the unakA yaha khayAla huA ki kaI bAtoM meM mere aura unake vicAroMmeM jamIna-AsamAnakA aMtara hai / isase bhI Age calakara unakA yaha khayAla huA ki jina dhyeyoMko sAmane rakhakara gokhalene samitikI racanA kI thI, mere samiti meM nA jAnese unhIMke jokhima meM par3a jAne kI saMbhAvanA thI aura yaha bAta unheM svAbhAvika taurapara hI asA mAlUma huI / bahuta kucha carcA ho jAne ke bAda hama apane-apane ghara gaye / sabhyoMne aMtima nirNaya sabhAkI dUsarI

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adhyAya 7 : kuMbha 393 baiThakataka sthagita rakkhA / ghara jAte hue maiM bar3e vicArake bhaMvara meM par3a gayA / bahumatake balapara merA samitimeM dAkhila honA kyA ucita hai ? kyA gokhaleke prati yaha merI vaphAdArI hogI ? yadi bahumata mere khilApha ho jAya to kyA isase samiti kI sthitiko viSama banAnekA nimitta na banUMgA ? mujhe yaha sApha dikhAI par3A ki jabataka samitike sadasyoMmeM mujhe sadasya banAne ke viSaya meM matabheda ho tavataka mujhe khuda hI usameM dAkhila ho jAnekA Agraha chor3a denA cAhie aura isa taraha virodhI pakSako nAjuka sthitimeM par3ane se bacA lenA cAhie / isI meM mujhe samiti aura gokhale ke prati apanI vaphAdArI dikhAI dI / aMtarAtmAmeM yaha nirNaya hote hI turaMta maiMne zrIzAstrIko patra likhA ki Apa mujhe sadasya banAne ke viSaya meM sabhA na balAveM / virodhI pakSako merA yaha nizcaya bahuta pasaMda AyA / ve dharma-saMkaTa se baca gaye / unakI mere sAtha sneha-gAMTha adhika majabUta gaI aura isa taraha samitimeM dAkhila honekI merI darakhvAstako vApasa lekara maiM samitikA saccA sadasya banA / anubhava se maiM dekhatA hUM ki merA bAkAyadA samitikA sadasya na honA ThIka hI huA aura kucha sadasyoMne mere sadasya bananekA jo virodha kiyA thA, vaha vAstavika thA / anubhavane dikhalA diyA hai ki unake aura mere siddhAMtoM meM bheda thA; paraMtu matabheda jAna lene ke bAda bhI hama logoMkI zrAtmAmeM kabhI aMtara na par3A, na kabhI mana-muTAva hI huA / mata-bheda rahate hue bhI hama baMdhu aura mitra bane hue haiM / samitikA sthAna mere lie yAtrA sthala ho gayA hai / laukika dRSTise bhale hI maiM usakA sadasya na banA hUM, para AdhyAtmika dRSTise to hUM hI / laukika saMbaMdhI apekSA prAdhyAtmika saMbaMdha adhika kImatI hai / AdhyAtmika saMbaMdhase hIna laukika saMbaMdha prANa-hIna zarIrake samAna hai / 7 kuMbha mujhe DAkTara prANajIvanadAsa mehatA se milane raMgUna jAnA thA / rAstemeM kalakattA meM zrI bhUpeMdranAtha basuke nimaMtraNase maiM unake yahAM tthhraa| yahAM to maiMne

Page #411
Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 baMgAlake ziSTAcArakI hada dekhii| ina dinoM meM sirpha phalAhAra hI karatA thaa| mere sAtha merA lar3akA rAmadAsa bhI thaa| bhUpeMdrabAbUke yahAM jitane phala aura meve kalakatte meM milate the saba lAkara juTAye gaye the| striyoMne rAtoM-rAta jagakara bAdAma, pistA vagairAko bhigokara unake chilake nikAle the| taraha-tarahake phala bhI jitanA ho sakatA thA suruci aura caturAIke sAtha taiyAra kiye gaye the| mere sAthiyoMke lie taraha-tarahake pakavAna banavAye gaye the| isa prema aura vivekake prAMtarika bhAvako to maiM samajhA, paraMtu yaha vAta mujhe asahya mAlUma huI ki eka-do mehamAnoMke lie sArA ghara dina-bhara kAma meM lagA rahe; kiMtu isa saMkaTase bacanekA mere pAsa koI upAya na thA / raMgUna jAte hue jahAjameM maiMne Dekapara yAtrA ko thii| zrIbasuke yahAM yadi premakI musIbata thI to jahAjameM premake abhaavkii| yahAM Dekake yAtriyoMke kaSToMkA bahuta burA anubhava huaa| nahAnekI jagahapara itanI gaMdagI thI ki khar3A nahIM rahA jAtA thaa| pAkhAnA to naraka hI smjhie| malamUtrako chUkara yA lAMghakara hI pAkhAne meM jA sakate the| mere lie ve kaThinAiyAM bahuta bhArI thiiN| maiMne kaptAnase isakI zikAyata kI; para kauna sunane lagA ? idhara yAtriyoMne khUba gaMdagI kara-karake Dekako bigAr3a rakkhA thaa| jahAM baiThe hote vahIM thUka dete, vahIM taMbAkUkI picakAriyAM calA dete, vahIM khA-pIkara chilake aura kacarA DAla dete| bAtacItakI AvAja aura zora-gulakA to kahanA hI kyA ? hara zakhsa jyAdA-se-jyAdA jagaha rokane kI koziza karatA thA, koI kisIkI suvidhAkA jarA bhI khayAla na karatA thaa| khuda jitanI jagahapara kabjA karate usase jyAdA jagaha sAmAnase roka lete| ye do dina maiMne rAma-rAma karake bitaaye| raMgUna pahuMcanepara maiMne ejeMTako isa durdazAkI kathA likha bhejii| lauTate vakta bhI maiM AyA to Deka para hI, paraMtu usa ciTThIke tathA DAkTara mehatAke iMtajAmake phala-svarUpa utane kaSTa na uThAne pdd'e| mere phalAhArakI jhaMjhaTa yahAM bhI AvazyakatAse adhika kI jAtI thI / DAkTara mehatAse to merA aisA saMbaMdha hai ki unake gharako maiM apanA ghara samajha sakatA huuN| isase maiMne khAnekI cIjoMkI saMkhyA to kama kara dI thI, paraMtu apane lie usakI koI maryAdA nahIM banAI thii| isase taraha-tarahakA mevA vahAM AtA aura maiM usakA

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adhyAya 7 : kuMbha virodha na krtaa| usa samaya merI hAlata yaha thI ki yadi taraha-tarahakI cIjeM hotI to ve AMkha aura jIbhako rucatI thiiN| khAneke vaktakA koI baMdhana to thA hI nhiiN| maiM khuda jaldI khAnA pasaMda karatA thA, isalie bahuta dera nahIM hotI thI; hAlAMki rAtake ATha-nau to sahaja baja hI jAte / / isa sAla (1915) haradvArameM kuMbhakA melA par3atA thaa| usameM jAnekI merI prabala icchA thii| phira mujhe mahAtmA muMzIrAmajIke darzana bhI karane the| kuMbhake meleke avasarapara gokhaleke sevaka-samAjane eka bar3A svayaM-sevaka dala bhejA thaa| usakI vyavasthAkA bhAra zrI hRdayanAtha kuMjarUko sauMpA gayA thA / svargIya DAkTara deva bhI usameM the| yaha bAta taya pAI ki unheM madada deneke lie maiM bhI apanI Tukar3Iko le jaauuN| isalie maganalAla gAMdhI zAMti-niketanavAlI hamArI Tukar3Iko lekara mujhase pahale haradvAra gaye the| maiM bhI raMgunase lauTakara unake sAtha zAmila ho gayA / ___kalakattese haradvAra pahuMcate hue rela meM bar3I musIbata uThAnI pdd'ii| DibboM meM kabhI-kabhI to rozanI taka bhI na hotii| sahAranapurase to yAtriyoMko mavezIkI taraha mAlagAr3Ike DibboMmeM bhara diyA thaa| khule Dibbe, Uparase madhyAhnakA sUrya tapa rahA thA, nIce lohekI jamIna garama ho rahI thii| isa musIbatakA kyA pUchanA ? phira bhI bhAvuka hiMdU pyAsase galA sUkhanepara bhI 'islAmI pAnI' pAtA to nahIM pIte / jaba 'hiMdU-pAnI kI AvAja AtI tabhI pAnI pIte / yahI bhAvuka hiMdU davA meM jaba DAkTara zarAba dete haiM, musalamAna yA IsAI pAnI dete haiM, mAMsakA satva dete haiM, taba use pInemeM saMkoca nahIM karate / usake saMbaMdhameM to pUcha-tAcha karanekI AvazyakatA hI nahIM samajhate / - maiMne yaha bAta zAMti-niketanameM hI dekha lI thI ki hiMdustAnameM bhaMgIkA kAma karanA hamArA vizeSa kArya ho jAyagA / svayaM-sevakoMke lie vahAM kisI dharmazAlAmeM taMbU tAne gae the| pAkhAneke lie DAkTara devane gaDDhe khudavAe the; paraMtu unakI saphAIkA iMtajAma to vaha unhIM thor3ese mehataroMse karA sakate the, jo aise samaya vetana para mila sakate the| aisI dazAmeM maiMne yaha prastAva kiyA ki gaDDhoMmeM malako samaya-samaya para miTTIse DhAMkanA tathA aura tarahase saphAI rakhanA, yaha kAma phiniksake svayaM sevakoMke jimme kiyA jAya / DAkTara devane ise khuzIse

Page #413
Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 svIkAra kiyaa| isa sevAko mAMgakara lenevAlA to thA maiM, paraMtu use pUrA karanekA vojhA uTAne vAle the maganalAla gAMdhI / merA kAma vahAM kyA thA ? DeremeM baiThakara jo aneka yAtrI pAte unheM 'darzana' denA aura unake sAtha dharma-carcA tathA dUsarI bAteM krnaa| darzana dete-dete maiM ghabarA uThA, usase mujhe eka minaTa kI bhI phurasata nahIM milatI thii| maiM nahAne jAtA to vahAM bhI mujhe darzanAbhilASI akelA nahIM chor3ate aura phalAhArake samaya to ekAMta mila hI kaise sakatA thA? taMbUmeM kahIM bhI eka palake lie akelA na baiTha sktaa| dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM jo-kucha sevA mujhase ho sakI usakA itanA gaharA asara sAre bhAratavarSameM huA hogA, yaha bAta maiMne haradvAra meM anubhava kI / _____ maiM to mAno cakkIke do pAToMmeM pisane lgaa| jahAM loga pahacAnate nahIM, vahAM tIsare darje ke yAtrIke rUpameM musIbata uThAtA; jahAM Thahara jAtA vahAM darzanArthiyoMke premase ghabarA jaataa| domeMse kaunasI sthiti adhika dayAjanaka hai, yaha mere lie kahanA bahuta bAra muzkila huA hai| hAM, itanA to jAnatA hUM ki darzanArthiyoMke pradarzanase mujhe gussA AyA hai aura mana-hI-mana to usase adhika bAra saMtApa huA hai| tIsare darjekI musIbatoMse sirpha mujhe kaSTa hI uThAne par3e haiM, gussA mujhe zAyada hI AyA ho aura kaSTase to merI unnati hI huI hai| ... isa samaya mere zarIrameM ghUmane-phiranekI zakti acchI thii| isase maiM idhara-udhara ThIka-ThIka ghUma-phira skaa| usa samaya maiM itanA prasiddha nahIM huA thA ki jisase rAstA calanA bhI muzkila hotA ho| isa bhramaNameM maiMne logoMkI dharma-bhAvanAkI apekSA unakI mUr3hatA, adhIratA, pAkhaMDa aura avyavasthitatA adhika dekhii| sAdhuaoMke aura jamAtoMke to dala TUTa par3e the| aisA mAlUma hotA thA mAno ve mahaja mAlapue aura khIra khAne ke lie hI janame hoN| yahAM maiMne pAMca pAMvavAlI gAya dekhii| use dekhakara mujhe bar3A Azcarya huA; paraMtu anubhavI' AdamiyoMne turaMta merA ajJAna dUra kara diyaa| yaha pAMca pairoMvAlI gAya to duSTa aura lobhI logoMkA zikAra thI--- balidAna thii| jIte bachar3ekA paira kATakara gAyake kaMdhekA camar3A cIrakara usameM cipakA diyA jAtA thA aura isa duherI ghAtaka kriyAke dvArA bhole-bhAle logoMko dina-dahAr3e ThaganekA upAya nikAlA gayA thA / kauna hiMdU aisA hai, jo isa pAMca pAMvavAlI gAyake darzanake lie utsuka

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adhyAya 7 kuMbha 397 na ho ? isa pAMca pAMvavAlI gAyake lie vaha jitanA hI dAna de utanA hI kama samajhA jAtA thA ! kuMbhakA dina zrAyA / mere lie vaha ghar3I dhanya thI; paraMtu maiM tIrthayAtrAkI bhAvanA se haradvAra nahIM gayA thA / pavitratAkI khoja ke lie tIrthakSetra. meM jAnekA moha mujhe kabhI nahIM rahA / merA khayAla yaha thA ki satraha lAkha AdamiyoMmeM sabhI pAkhaMDI nahIM ho skte| yaha kahA jAtA thA ki mele meM satraha lAkha AdamI ikaTThe hue the / mujhe isa viSaya meM kucha saMdeha nahIM thA ki inameM asaMkhya loga puNya kamAne ke lie, apaneko zuddha karaneke lie, Aye the; paraMtu isa prakArakI zraddhA AtmAkI unnati hotI hogI, yaha kahanA asaMbhava nahIM to muzkila jarUra hai / bichaune meM par3A par3A meM vicAra-sAgarameM DUba gayA -- 'cAroM ora phaile isa pAkhaMDameM ve pavitra AtmAeM bhI haiM / ve loga Izvarake darabAra meM daMDake pAtra nahIM mAne jA skte| aise samaya haradvArameM AnA hI yadi pApa ho to phira mujhe prakaTarUpase usakA virodha karake kuMbhake dina to haradvAra avazya chor3a hI denA caahie| yadi yahAM mAnA aura kuMbhake dina rahanA pApa na ho to mujhe koI kaThora vrata lekara isa pracalita pApakA prAyazcitta karanA cAhie -- prAtmazuddhi karanI cAhie / ' merA jIvana vratoMpara racA gayA hai, isalie koI kaThora vrata lene kA nizcaya kiyA / isI samaya kalakatA aura raMgUnameM mere nimitta yajamAnoMko jo anAvazyaka parizrama karanA par3A usakA bhI smaraNa ho AyA / isa kAraNa maiMne bhojanakI vastukI saMkhyA maryAdita kara lenekA aura zAmako aMdhereke pahale bhojana kara leneA vrata lenA nizcita kiyA / maiMne socA ki yadi maiM apane bhojanakI maryAdA nahIM rakhUMgA to yajamAnoMke lie bahuta asuvidhA janaka hotA rahUMgA aura sevA karane ke bajAya unako apanI sevA karanemeM lagAtA rahUMgA / isalie caubIsa ghaMToM pAMca cIjoM se adhika na khAne kA aura rAtri bhojana tyAgakA vrata le liyA / donoMkI kaThinAIkA pUrA-pUrA vicAra kara liyA thA / ina vratoMmeM eka bhI apavAda na rakhanekA nizcaya kiyaa| bImArImeM dadAke rUpameM jyAdA cIjeM lenA yA na lenA, 'davAko bhojana kI vastumeM ginanA yA na ginanA, ina saba bAtoMkA vicAra kara liyA aura nizcaya kiyA ki khAne kI koI cIja pAMcase adhika na lUMgA / ina do vratoMko Aja teraha sAla ho gaye / inhoMne merI khAsI parIkSA lI hai; paraMtu jahAM eka

Page #415
398 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 prora inhoMne parIkSA lI hai tahAM unhoMne mere lie DhAlakA bhI kAma diyA hai| maiM mAnatA hUM ki ina vratoMne merI Ayu bar3hA dI hai; inakI badaulata, merI dhAraNA hai ki, maiM bahuta vAra bImAriyoM se baca gayA hUM / 8 lakSmaNa-bhUlA pahAr3a jaise dIkhanevAle mahAtmA muMzIrAma ke darzana karane aura unake gurukulako dekhane jaba maiM gayA taba mujhe bahuta zAMti milii| haradvAra ke kolAhala aura gurukulakI zAMtika bheda spaSTa dikhAI detA thA / mahAtmAjI ne mujhapara bharapUra premakI dRSTi kii| brahmacArI loga mere pAsase haTate hI nahIM the / rAmadeva se bhI usI samaya mulAkAta huI aura unakI kArya-zaktiko maiM turaMta pahacAna kA thA / yadyapi hamArI mata bhinnatA hameM usI samaya dikhAI par3a gaI thI, phira bhI hamAre Apasa meM sneha-gAMTha baMdha gaI / gurukula meM audyogika zikSaNakA praveza karane kI AvazyakatA ke saMbaMdha meM rAmadevajI tathA dUsare zikSakoMke sAtha meM merA ThIka-ThIka vArtAlApa bhI huA / isase jaldI hI gurukulako chor3ate hue mujhe duHkha huA / lakSmaNa jhUlAkI tArIpha maiMne bahuta suna rakkhI thI / RSikeza gaye binA haradvAra na chor3ane kI salAha mujhe bahuta se logoMne dii| maiMne vahAM paidala jAnA cAhA / eka maMjila RSikezakI aura dUsarI lakSmaNa- jhUlekI kI / RSikeza meM bahuta se saMnyAsI milaneke liye Aye the / unameMse ekako mere jIvana krama meM bahuta dilacaspI paidA huI / phiniksa - maMDalI mere sAtha thI hI / hama sabako dekhakara unhoMne bahutere prazna pUche / hama logoMmeM dharma-carcA bhI huii| unhoMne dekha liyA ki mere aMdara tIvra dharmabhAva hai / maiM gaMgA snAna karake AyA thA aura merA zarIra khulA thA / unhoMne mere sirapara na coTI dekhI aura na badanapara jneuu| isase unheM duHkha huA aura unhoMne kahA- " 'Apa haiM to Astika, paraMtu zikhA sUtra nahIM rakhate, isase hama jaisoMko duHkha hotA hai| hiMdU-dharmakI ye do bAhya saMjJAeM haiM aura pratyeka hiMdUko inheM dhAraNa

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adhyAya : lakSmaNa jhUlA " 399 karanA cAhie / jaba merI umara koI dasa varSakI rahIM hogI taba porabaMdara meM brAhmaNoMke janeU se baMdhI cAbiyoM kI jhaMkAra meM sunA karatA thA aura usakI mujhe IrSyA bhI hotI thI / manameM yaha bhAva uThA karatA ki maiM bhI isI taraha janeU meM cAbiyAM laTakAkara jhaMkAra kiyA karUM to acchA ho / kAThiyAvAr3ake vaizya kuTuMboMmeM usa samaya janeU kA rivAja nahIM thaa| hAM, naye sire se isa bAtakA pracAra alabattA ho rahA thA ki dvija-mAtrako janeU avazya pahananA caahie| usake phalasvarUpa gAMdhI - kuTuMba ke kitane hI loga janeU pahanane lage the| jina brAhmaNane hama do-tIna sage saMbaMdhiyoM ko rAma - rakSAkA pATha sikhAyA thA, unhoMne hameM janeU pahanAyA / mujhe apane pAsa cAbiyAM rakhane kA koI prayojana nahIM thA / to bhI maiMne do-tIna cAbiyAM laTakA liiN| jaba vaha janeU TUTa gayA taba usakA moha utara gayA thA yA nahIM, yaha to yAda nahIM par3atA, paraMtu maiMne nayA janeU phira nahIM pahanA / bar3I umarameM dUsare logoMne phira hiMdustAnameM tathA dakSiNa aphrIkA meM janeU pahanAne kA prayatna kiyA thA, paraMtu unakI dalIloMkA asara mere dilapara nahIM huA / zUdra yadi janeU nahIM pahana sakatA to phira dUsare logoMko kyoM pahananA cAhie ? jisa bAhya cihnakA rivAja hamAre kuTuMbameM nahIM thA use dhAraNa karanekA eka bhI sabala kAraNa mujhe nahIM dikhAI diyaa| mujhe janeUse aruci nahIM thI, paraMtu use pahanane ke kAraNoMkA prabhAva mAlUma hotA thaa| hAM, vaiSNava honeke kAraNa maiM kaMThI jarUra pahanatA thA / zikhA to ghara ke bar3e-bUr3he hama bhAiyoMke sirapara rakhavAte the, paraMtu vilAyata meM sira khulA rakhanA par3atA thA / gore loga dekhakara haMseMge aura hameM jaMgalI samajheMge, isa zarmase zikhA kaTA DAlI thI / mere bhatIje chaganalAla gAMdhI, jo dakSiNa aphrIkA meM mere sAtha rahate the, bar3e bhAvake sAtha zikhA rakha rahe the; paraMtu isa vahamase ki unakI zikhA vahAM sArvajanika kAmoMmeM bAdhA DAlegI, maiMne unake dilako dukhAkara bhI chur3A dI thii| isa taraha zikhAse mujhe usa samaya zarma lagatI thI / ina svAmIjI se maiMne yaha saba kathA sunAkara kahA- 88 'janeU to meM dhAraNa nahIM karUMgA; kyoMki asaMkhya hiMdU janeU nahIM pahanate haiM phira bhI ve hiMdU samajhe jAte haiM, to phira maiM apane lie usakI jarUrata

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400 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 nahIM dekhtaa| phira janeUdhAraNake mAnI hai--dUsarA janma lenA arthAt hama vicArapUrvaka zuddha hoM, UrdhvagAmI hoN| prAMja to hiMdU-samAja aura hiMdustAna donoM girI dazAmeM haiN| isalie hameM janeU pahananekA adhikAra hI kahAM hai ? jaba hiMdU-samAja aspRzyatAkA doSa dho DAlegA, UMca-nIcakA bheda bhUla jAyagA, dUsarI gaharI burAiyoMko miTA degA, cAroM tarapha phaile adharma aura pAkhaMDako dUra kara degA, taba use bhale hI janeU pahananekA adhikAra ho| isalie janeU dhAraNa karanekI ApakI bAta to mujhe paTa nahIM rahI hai| hAM, zikhA-saMbaMdhI ApakI bAtapara mujhe avazya vicAra karanA pdd'egaa| zikhA to maiM rakhatA thA, paraMtu zarma aura Darase use kaTA ddaalaa| maiM samajhatA hUM ki vaha to mujhe phira dhAraNa kara lenI caahie| apane sAthiyoMke sAtha isa bAtakA vicAra kara luuNgaa|" svAmIjIko janeU-viSayaka merI dalIla na jNcii| jo kAraNa maiMne janeU na pahananeke pakSameM peza kiye, ve unheM pahananeke pakSameM dikhAI diye| astu / janeUke saMbaMdhameM usa samaya RSikezameM jo vicAra maiMne pradarzita kiyA thA vaha Aja bhI prAyaH naisA hI kAyama hai| jabataka saMsArameM bhinna-bhinna dharmokA astitva hai, tabataka pratyeka dharmake lie bAhya saMjJAkI AvazyakatA bhI zAyada ho; paraMtu jaba vaha bAhya saMjJA ADaMbarakA rUpa dhAraNa kara letI hai athavA apane dharma ko dUsare dharmase pRthak dikhalAnekA sAdhana ho jAya, taba vaha tyAjya ho jAtI hai| Ajakala mujhe janeU hiMdU-dharmako UMcA uThAnekA sAdhana nahIM dikhAI par3atA / isalie maiM usake saMbaMdha udAsIna rahatA huuN| . zikhAke tyAgakI bAta judA hai| yaha zarma aura bhayake kAraNa hunA thA; isalie apane sAthiyoMke sAtha vicAra karake maiMne use dhAraNa karanekA nizvaya kiyaa| para aba hamako lakSmaNa-jhUlekI ora calanA caahie| RSikeza aura lakSmaNa-jhUleke prAkRtika dRzya mujhe bahuta pasaMda Aye / hamAre pUrvajoMkI prAkRtika kalAko pahacAnane kI kSamatAke prati aura kalAko kArmika svarUpa denekI unakI dUraMdezIke prati mere mana meM bar3A Adara utpanna huA, paraMtu dUsarI ora manuSyakI kRtiko vahAM dekhakara cittako zAMti na huii| haradvArakI taraha RSikezameM bhI loga rAstoMko aura gaMgAke suMdara kinAroMko gaMdA kara DAlate the| gaMgAke pavitra pAnIko

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401 adhyAya & : AzramakI sthApanA bigAr3ate hue bhI unheM kucha saMkoca na hotA thA / dizA- jaMgala jAnevAle grAma jagaha aura rAstoMpara hI baiTha jAte, yaha dekhakara mere cittako bar3I coTa pahuMcI / banA lakSmaNa jhUlA jAte hue rAstemeM lohekA eka jhUlatA huA pula dekhA / logoM se mAlUma huA ki pahale yaha pula rassIkA aura bahuta majabUta thA, use tor3akara eka udAra hRdaya mAravAr3I sajjanane bahuta rupaye lagAkara yaha lohekA pula diyA aura usakI kuMjI sauMpa dI sarakArako ! rassI ke pulakA to mujhe kucha khayAla nahIM ho sakatA, paraMtu yaha lohekA pula to vahAMke prAkRtika sauMdaryako kaluSita karatA thA aura bahuta bhaddA mAlUma hotA thA / phira yAtriyoMke isa rAstekI kuMjI sarakArako sauMpa dI gaI, yaha bAta to merI usa samayakI vaphAdArIko bhI prasA mAlUma huI / vahAMse bhI adhika duHkhadaM dRzya svargAzramakA thaa| TInake tabele-jaise kamaroMkA nAma svargAzrama rakkhA gayA thaa| kahA gayA thA ki ye sAdhakoMke lie banAye gaye haiM, paraMtu usa samaya zAyada hI koI sAdhaka vahAM rahatA ho / vahAMkI mukhya imAratameM jo loga rahate the unhoMne bhI mere dilapara acchI chApa nahIM DAlI / jo ho; para isameM saMdeha nahIM ki haradvArake anubhava mere lie amUlya sAbita hue| maiM kahAM jAkara basUM aura kyA karU, isakA nizcaya karane meM haradvArake anubhavoMne mujhe bahuta sahAyatA dI / zrAzramakI sthApanA kuMbhakI yAtrAke pahale maiM eka bAra aura haradvAra A cukA thA / satyAgrahaAzramakI sthApanA 25 maI 1915 ko huI / zraddhAnaMdajIkI yaha rAya thI ki maiM haradvAra basUM / kalakatteke kucha mitroMkI salAha thI ki vaidyanAtha dhAmameM DerA DAlUM / aura kucha mitra isa bAtapara jora de rahe the ki rAjakoTameM rahUM / para jaba maiM ahamadAbAdase gujarA to bahutere mitroMne kahA ki Apa ahamadAbAdako cunie / aura Azramake kharcakA bhAra bhI apane jimme unhoMne le liyaa| makAna khojane kA bhI AzvAsana diyA / 26

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402 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 ahamadAbAdapara merI najara Thahara gaI thii| maiM mAnatA thA ki gujarAtI hone ke kAraNa maiM gujarAtI bhASAke dvArA dezakI adhika-se-adhika sevA kara skNgaa| ahamadAbAda pahale hAtha-bunAIkA bar3A bhArI keMdra thA, isase carakhekA kAma yahAM acchI taraha ho sakegA; aura gujarAtakA pradhAna nagara honeke kAraNa yahAMke dhanADhya loga dhana-dvArA adhika sahAyatA de sakeMge, yaha bhI khayAla thA / . ahamadAbAdake mitroMke sAtha jaba Azramake viSayameM bAtacIta huI to aspRzyoMke praznakI bhI carcA unase huI thii| maiMne sApha taurapara kahA thA ki yadi koI yogya' aMtyaja bhAI AzramameM praviSTa honA cAheMge to maiM unheM avazya AzramameM lUMgA / "ApakI zartoMkA pAlana kara sakane vAle aMtyaja aise kahAM rAstemeM par3e hue haiM ? " eka vaiSNava mitrane aisA kahakara apane manako saMtoSa de liyA aura aMtako ahamadAbAdameM basane kA nizcaya huA / . . . aba hama makAnakI talAza karane lge| zrI jIvanalAla bairisTarakA makAna, jo kocarabameM hai, kirAyepara lenA taya paayaa| vahI mujhe ahamadAbAdameM basAnevAloMmeM agraNI the / - isake bAda prAzramakA nAma rakhanekA prazna khar3A huA / mitroMse maiMne mazavarA kiyaa| kitane hI nAma aaye| sevAzrama, tapovana ityAdi nAma sujhAye gye| sevAzrama nAma hama logoMko pasaMda AtA thA, paraMtu usase sevAkI paddhatikA paricaya nahIM hotA thaa| tapovana nAma to bhalA svIkRta kaise ho sakatA thA ? kyoMki yadyapi tapazcaryA hama logoMko priya thI, phira bhI yaha nAma hama logoMko apane lie bhArI mAlUma huaa| hama logoMkA uddezya to thA satyakI pUjA, satyakI zodha karanA, usIkA Agraha rakhanA aura dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM jisa paddhatikA upayoga hama logoMne kiyA thA, usIkA paricaya bhAratavAsiyoMko karAnA, evaM hameM yaha bhI dekhanA thA ki usakI zakti aura prabhAva kahAMtaka vyApaka ho sakatA hai| isalie maiMne aura sAthiyoMne 'satyAgrahAzrama' nAma pasaMda kiyaa| usameM sevA aura sevA-paddhati donoMkA bhAva apane-Apa A jAtA thaa| Azramake saMcAlanake lie niyamAvalIkI AvazyakatA thI, isalie niyamAvalI banAkara usapara jagaha-jagahase rAyeM maMgavAI giiN| bahuterI sammatiyoM

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adhyAya 10 : kasauTIpara 403 meM sara gurudAsa banarjIkI rAya mujhe yAda raha gaI hai| unheM niyamAvalI' pasaMda AI; paraMtu unhoMne sujhAyA ki ina vratoMmeM namratAke vratako bhI sthAna milanA cAhie / unake patra kI dhvani yaha thI ki hamAre yuvakavarga meM namratAkI kamI hai / maiM bhI jagaha-jagaha namratAke abhAvako anubhava kara rahA thA; magara vratameM sthAna denese namratA namratA na raha jAnekA prAbhAsa hotA thA / namratAkA pUrA artha to hai zUnyatA | zUnyatA prApta karaneke lie dUsare vrata hote haiM / zUnyatA mokSakI sthiti hai / mumukSu yA sevakake pratyeka kArya yadi namratA - nirabhimAnatA se na hoM to vaha mumukSu nahIM, sevaka nahIM, vaha svArthI hai, ahaMkArI hai / Azrama meM isa samaya lagabhaga teraha tAmila loga the / mere sAtha dakSiNa aphrIkA se pAMca tAmila bAlaka Aye / ve tathA yahAMke lagabhaga paccIsa strIpuruSa milakara AzramakA AraMbha huA thA / saba eka bhojanazAlAmeM bhojana karate the aura isa taraha rahanekA prayatna karate the, mAno saba eka hI kuTuMba hoM / 10 kasauTIpara zrAzramakI sthApanAko abhI kucha hI mahIne hue the ki itane meM hamArI eka aisI kasauTI ho gaI, jisakI hamane prAzA nahIM kI thI / eka dina mujhe bhAI amRtalAla ThakkarakA patra milA -- ' eka garIba aura dayAnatadAra aMtyaja kuTuMbakI icchA Apake Azrama meM Akara rahane kI hai / kyA Apa use le sakeMge ?" ciTThI par3hakara maiM cauMkA to; kyoMki maiMne yaha bilakula prAzA na kI thI ki Thakkara bApA- jaisoMkI siphAriza lekara koI aMtyaja kuTuMba itanI jaldI A jAyagA / maiMne sAthiyoMko yaha ciTThI dikhAI / una logoMne usakA svAgata kiyA / maiMne amRtalAla bhAIko ciTThI likhI ki yadi vaha kuTuMba Azrama ke niyamoMkA pAlana karane ke lie taiyAra ho to hama use leneke lie taiyAra haiM / basa, dUdhAbhAI, unakI patnI dAnIbahana aura dudhamuMhI lakSmI Azrama meM A gaye / dUdhAbhAI baMbaI meM zikSaka the / vaha Azrama ke niyamoMkA pAlana karane ke lie taiyAra the| isalie vaha Azrama meM le liye gaye /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 para isase sahAyaka mitra-maMDalI meM bar3I khalabalI macI / jisa kueM meM baMgale ke mAlikakA bhAga thA usameMse pAnI bharane meM dikkata Ane lagI / carasa hAMkanevAle ko bhI yadi hamAre pAnI ke chIMTe laga jAte to use chUta laga jAtI / usane hameM gAliyAM denA zurU kiyA / dUdhAbhAIko bhI vaha satAne lagA / maiMne sabase kaha rakkhA thA ki gAliyAM saha lenA cAhie aura dRr3hatApUrvaka pAnI bharate rahanA cAhie / hamako cupacApa gAliyAM sunate dekhakara carasavAlA zarmiMdA huA aura usane hamArA piMDa chor3a diyA; paraMtu isase Arthika sahAyatA milanI baMda ho gaI / jina bhAiyoMne pahale se una achUtoMke pravezapara bhI, jo zrAzramake niyamoM kA pAlana karate hoM, zaMkA khar3I kI thI unheM to yaha AzA hI nahIM thI ki Azrama meM koI aMtyaja A jAyagA / idhara Arthika sahAyatA baMda huI, udhara hama logoM ke bahiSkArakI aphavAha mere kAnapara Ane lagI / maiMne apane sAthiyoMke sAtha yaha vicAra kara rakkhA thA ki yadi hamArA bahiSkAra ho jAya aura hameM kahIM se sahAyatA na mile to bhI hameM ahamadAbAda na chor3anA cAhie / hama achUtoMke muhalloM meM jAkara basa jAyeMge aura jo kucha mila jAyagA usapara athavA majadUrI karake gujara kara leMge / 1 404 aMtako maganalAlane mujhe noTisa diyA ki agale mahIne Azramakharca ke lie hamAre pAsa rupaye na raheMge / maiMne dhIrajake sAtha javAba diyA--" to hama loga achUtoM ke muhalloM meM rahane lageMge / " mujhapara yaha saMkaTa pahalI hI bAra nahIM AyA thA; paraMtu hara bAra akhIrameM jAkara usa sAMvaliyAne kahIM-na-kahIMse madada bheja dI hai / maganalAla isa noTisake thor3e hI dina bAda eka roja subaha kisI bAlakane Akara khabara dI ki bAhara eka moTara khar3I hai / eka seTha Apako bulA rahe haiM / maiM moTara ke pAsa gayA / seThane mujhase kahA - "maiM zrAzramako kucha madada denA cAhatA hUM, Apa leMge ? " maiMne uttara diyA- 'hAM, Apa deM to maiM jarUra le lUMgA / aura isa samaya to mujhe jarUrata bhI hai / " " 16 'maiM kala isI samaya yahAM AUMgA to Apa Azrama meM hI mileMge na ? " maiMne kahA - " haaN|" aura seTha apane ghara gaye / dUsare dina niyata samayapara moTarakA bhoMpU bajA / bAlakoMne mujhe khabara kI / vaha seTha aMdara nahIM Aye /

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adhyAya 10 : kasauTIpara 405 maiM hI unase milane ke lie gyaa| mere hAthameM 13,000) ke noTa rakhakara vaha vidA ho gye| isa madadakI maiMne bilakula AzA na kI thii| madada denekA yaha tarIkA bhI nayA hI dekhaa| unhoMne AzramameM isase pahale kabhI paira na rakkhA thaa| mujhe aisA yAda par3atA hai ki maiM unase eka bAra pahale bhI milA thaa| na to vaha Azramake aMdara Aye, na kucha puuchaa-taachaa| bAharase hI rupayA dekara calate bne| isa taraha kA yaha pahalA anubhava mujhe thaa| isa madadase achUtoMke muhalle meM jAnekA vicAra sthagita rahA ; kyoMki lagabhaga eka varSake kharcakA rupayA mujhe mila gayA thaa| paraMtu bAharakI taraha Azramake aMdara bhI khalabalI mcii| yadyapi dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM achUta vagairA mere yahAM Ate rahate, aura khAte the, paraMtu yahAM achUta kuTuMbakA AnA aura Akara rahanA patnIko tathA dUsarI striyoMko pasaMda na huaa| dAnIbahanake prati unakA tiraskAra to nahIM, para udAsInatA merI sUkSma aAMkheM aura tIkSNa kAna , jo aise viSayoMmeM khAsataurapara satarka rahate haiM, dekhate aura sunate the| Arthika sahAyatAke abhAvase na to maiM bhayabhIta huA, na ciMtA-grasta hI, paraMtu yaha bhItarI kSobha kaThina thaa| dAnIbahana mAmUlI strI thii| dUdhAbhAIkI par3hAI bhI mAmUlI thI; para vaha jyAdA samajhadAra the| unakA dhIraja mujhe pasaMda AyA / kabhI-kabhI unheM gussA A jAtA; paraMtu Amataura para unakI sahanazIlatAkI acchI hI chApa mujhapara par3I hai| maiM dUdhAbhAIko samajhAtA ki choTe-choTe apamAnoMko hameM pI jAnA caahie| vaha samajha jAte aura dAnIbahana ko bhI sahana karanekI preraNA karate / isa kuTuMbako AzramameM rakhakara aAzramane bahuta sabaka sIkhe haiM / aura AraMbha-kAlameM hI yaha bAta sAphataurase spaSTa ho jAnese ki Azrama meM aspRzyatAke lie jagaha nahIM hai, AzramakI maryAdA baMdha gaI aura isa dizAmeM usakA kAma bahuta sarala ho gyaa| itanA hote hue bhI, AzramakA kharca bar3hate jAte hue bhI, jyAdAtara sahAyatA unhIM hiMduoMkI taraphase milatI A rahI hai jo kaTTara mAne jAte haiM yaha yaha bAta spaSTa rUpase zAyada isI bAtako sUcita karatI hai ki aspRzyatAkI jar3a acchI taraha hila gaI hai / isake dUsare pramANa to bahutere haiM, paraMtu jahAM achUtake hai sAtha khAnapAnameM paraheja nahIM rakkhA jAtA vahAM bhI ve hiMdU-bhAI madada kareM, jA apane ko sanAtanI mAnate haiM, to yaha pramANa na-kucha nahIM samajhA jA sakatA

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 isI prazna saMbaMdha meM eka aura bAta bhI Azrama meM spaSTa ho gaI / isa viSaya meM jo-jo nAjuka savAla paidA hue unakA bhI hala milA / kitanI hI prakalpita suvidhAoM kA svAgata karanA pdd'aa| ye tathA aura bhI satya kI zodha ke silasile meM hue prayogoMkA varNana Avazyaka to hai; para maiM unheM yahAM chor3a detA hUM / isa bAtapara mujhe duHkha to hai; paraMtu aba prAge ke adhyAyoMmeM yaha doSa thor3A-bahuta rahatA hI rahegA-kucha jarUrI bAteM mujhe chor3a denI par3eMgI; kyoMki unameM yoga dene vAle bahutere patra abhI maujUda haiM aura unakI ijAjatake binA unake nAma aura unase saMbaMdha rakhanevAlI bAtoMkA varNana prajAdI se karanA anucita mAlUma hotA hai / sabakI svIkRti samaya-samayapara mAMganA athavA unase saMbaMdha rakhanevAlI bAteM unako bhejakara sudharavAnA eka asaMbhava bAta hai, phira yaha isa zrAtmakathAkI maryAdAke bhI bAhara hai / isalie aba AgekI kathA yadyapi merA dRSTise satyake zodhaka ke lie jAnane yogya hai, phira bhI mujhe Dara hai ki vaha adhUrI chapatI rahegI / itanA hote hue bhI IzvarakI icchA hogI to asahayogake yugataka pahuMcanekI merI icchA va zrAzA hai / 406 99 giramiTa prathA aba isa naye base hue zrAzramako chor3a kara, jo ki aba bhItarI aura bAharI tUphAnoMse nikala cukA thA, giramiTa prathA yA kulI prathApara thor3A-sA vicAra karanekA samaya A gayA hai| giramiTiyA usa kulI yA majUrako kahate haiM, jo pAMca yA usase kama varSake lie majUrI karanekA lekhI ikarAra karake bhAratake bAhara calA jAtA hai / neTAlake aise giramiTiyoM parase tIna pauMDakA vArSika kara 1914 meM uThA diyA gayA thA; paraMtu yaha prathA abhI baMda nahIM huI thI / 1916 meM bhAratabhUSaNa paMDita mAlavIyajIne isa savAlako dhArA sabhAmeM uThAyA thA, aura lArDa hArDijane unake prastAvako svIkAra karake yaha ghoSaNA kI thI yaha prathA 'samaya hI uThA dene kA vacana mujhe samrATkI orase milA hai / paraMtu merA to yaha spaSTa moTA ki isa prathAko tatkAla baMda kara denekA nirNaya ho jAnA caahie| hiMduzanI lAravAhI se isa prathAko bahuta varSoMtaka daragujara karatA rahA;

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adhyAya 11 : giramiTa prathA para aba maiMne yaha dekhA ki logoMmeM itanI jAgrati AgaI hai ki aba yaha baMda kI jA sakatI hai, isalie maiM kitane hI netAoMse isa viSaya meM milA, kucha akhabAroM meM isa saMbaMdha meM likhA aura maiMne dekhA ki lokamata isa prathAkA uccheda kara dene ke pakSameM thA / mere mana meM prazna uThA ki kyA isameM satyAgraha kA kucha upayoga ho sakatA hai ?" mujhe usake upayogake viSaya meM to kucha saMdeha nahIM thA; paraMtu yaha bAta mujhe nahIM dikhAI par3atI thI ki upayoga kiyA kaise jAya / isa bIca vAisarAyane 'samaya Anepara ' ina zabdoMkA artha bhI spaSTa kara diyA / unhoMne prakaTa kiyA ki dUsarI vyavasthA karanemeM jitanA samaya lagegA, utane samaya meM yaha prathA nirmUla kara dI jAyagI / isaparase pharavarI 1917 : meM bhAratabhUSaNa mAlavIyajIne giramiTa prathAko kataI uThA denekA kAnUna peza karane kI ijAjata bar3I dhArA- sabhA meM mAMgI, to vAyasarAyane use nAmaMjUra kara diyA / taba isa masale ko lekara maiMne hiMdustAna meM bhramaNa zurU kara diyA / bhramaNa zurU karane ke pahale vAisarAyase mila lenA maiMne ucita samajhA / unhoMne turaMta mujhe milane kA samaya diyA / usa samaya mi0 mephI, aba sara jAna mephI, unake maMtrI the / mi0 mephIke sAtha merA ThIka saMbaMdha baMdha gayA thA / lArDa cemsaphorDa ke sAtha isa viSayapara saMtoSajanaka bAtacIta huii| unhoMne nizcayapUrvaka to kucha nahIM kahA -- paraMtu unase madada milanekI AzA jarUra mere mana meM baMdhI / 407 bhramaNakA AraMbha maiMne baMbaIse kiyA / baMbaI meM sabhA karanekA jimmA mi0 jahAMgIrajI peTiTane liyA / iMpIriyala siTIjanazipa asosiyezana ke nAmapara sabhA huI / usameM jo prastAva upasthita kiye jAnevAle the, unakA masavidA banAne ke lie eka samiti banAI gaI / usameM DA0 rIDa, sara lallUbhAI zAmaladAsa, naTarAjana ityAdi the / mi0 peTiTa to the hii| prastAvameM yaha prArthanA kI gaI thI ki giramiTa prathA baMda kara dI jAya; para savAla yaha thA ki kaba baMda kI jAya ? isake saMbaMdha meM tIna sUcanAyeM peza huI -- ( 1 ) jitanI jaldI ho sake', :(R.) 'ikattIsa julAI', aura (3) 'turaMta' / 'ikattIsa julAI' vAlI sUcanA merI thI / mujhe to nizcita tArIkhakI jarUrata thI ki jisase usa miyAdataka yadi kucha na ho to isa bAtakI sUjha par3a sake ki Age kyA kiyA jAya aura kyA kiyA jA

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 sakatA hai / sara lallUbhAIkI rAya thI ki 'turaMta' zabda rakkhA jaay| unhoMne kahA ki 'ikattIsa julAI se to 'turaMta' zabdameM adhika jaldIkA bhAva AtA hai / isapara maiMne yaha samajhAnekI koziza kI ki loga 'turaMta' zabdakA tAtparya na samajha skeNge| logoMse yadi kucha kAma lenA ho to unake sAmane nizcayAtmaka zabda rakhanA cAhie / 'turaMta' kA artha saba apanI marjIke anusAra kara sakate haiM / sarakAra eka kara sakatI hai, loga dUsarA kara sakate haiM / paraMtu 'ikattIsa julAI' saba eka hI kareMge aura usa tArIkha taka yadi koI phaisalA na ho to hama yaha vicAra kara sakate haiM ki aba hameM kyA kArravAI karanI cAhie / yaha dalIla DA0 roDako turaMta jaMca gii| aMtako sara lallUbhAIko bhI 'ikattIsa julAI' Fat aura prastAvameM vahI tArIkha rakkhI gaI / sabhAmeM yaha prastAva rakkhA gayA aura saba jagaha 'ikattIsa julAI kI maryAdA ghoSita huI / baMbaIse zrImatI jAyajI peTiTakI athaka mihanata se striyoMkA eka pratinidhimaMDala vAyasarAyake pAsa gayA / usameM leDI tAtA, svargIya dilazAha begama vagairA thIM / saba bahanoMke nAma to mujhe isa samaya yAda nahIM haiM; paraMtu isa pratinidhimaMDalakA asara bahuta acchA huA aura vAyasarAya sAhabane usakA AzA-vardhaka uttara diyA thA / karAMcI, kalakattA vagairA jagaha bhI maiM ho pAyA thA / saba jagaha acchI sabhAyeM huIM aura jagaha-jagaha logoM meM khUba utsAha thaa| jaba maiMne isa kAmako uThAyA taba aisI sabhAyeM honekI aura itanI saMkhyA meM logoMke mAnekI AzA maiMne nahIM kI thI / isa samaya maiM akelA hI saphara karatA thA, isase alaukika anubhava prApta hotA thaa| khuphiyA pulisa to pIche lagI hI rahatI thI; para inake sAtha jhagar3anekI mujhe koI jarUrata nahIM thI / mere pAsa kucha bhI chipI bAta nahIM thI / isalie ve na mujhe satAte aura na meM unheM satAtA thA / saubhAgyase usa samaya mujhapara 'mahAtmA' kI chApa nahIM lagI thI, hAlAMki jahAM loga mujhe pahacAna lete isa nAmaka ghoSa hone lagatA thA / eka daphA relameM jAte hue bahutase sTezanoMpara khuphiyA merA TikaTa dekhane Ate aura naMbara vagairA lete| maiM to ve jo savAla pUchate javAba turaMta de detA / isase sAthI musAphiroMne samajhA ki maiM koI sIdhAsAdA sAdhu yA phakIra hUM / jaba do-cAra sTezanapara khuphiyA Aye to ve musAfira 405

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adhyAya 11 : giramiTa-prathA 409 bigar3e aura usa khuphiyAko gAlI dekara DAMTane lage-- " isa becAre sAdhuko nAhaka kyoM satAte ho ? " aura merI tarapha mukhAtiba hokara kahA-- "ina badamAzoMko TikaTa mata batAyo / " ___ maiMne dhImese ina yAtriyoMse kahA-- " unake TikaTa dekhanese mujhe koI kaSTa nahIM hotA, ve apanA pharja adA karate haiM, isase mujhe kisI tarahakA duHkha nahIM hai|" una musAphiroMko yaha bAta jaMcI nhiiN| ve mujhapara adhika tarasa khAne lage aura ApasameM bAteM karane lage ki dekho, niraparAdha logoMko bhI ye kaise hairAna karate haiM ! ___ ina khuphiyoMse to mujhe koI takalIpha na mAlUma huI; paraMtu lAhaurase lekara dehalItaka mujhe relavekI bhIr3a aura takalI phakA bahuta hI kaDuA anubhava huaa| karAcIse lAhaura hokara mujhe kalakattA jAnA thaa| lAhaura meM gAr3I badalanI par3atI thii| yahAM gAr3oma merI kahIM dAla nahIM galatI thii| musAphira jabaradastI ghusa par3ate the| daravAjA baMda hotA to khir3akImeMse aMdara ghusa jAte the| idhara mujhe niyata tithiko kalakattA pahuMcanA jarUrI thA / yadi yaha Trena chUTa jAtI to maiM kalakatte samayapara nahIM pahuMca sakatA thA / maiM jagaha milanekI AzA chor3a rahA thaa| koI mujhe apane DabbemeM nahIM letA thaa| akhIrako mujhe jagaha khojatA huA dekhakara eka majadUrane kahA- "mujhe bAraha Ane do to maiM jagaha dilA dUM / " maiMne kahA- "jagaha dilA do to maiM bAraha Ane jarUra duuNgaa|" becArA majadUra musAphiroMke hAtha-pAMva jor3ane lagA; para koI mujhe jagaha dene ke lie taiyAra nahIM hote the| gAr3I chUTanekI taiyArI thii| itanemeM eka Dabbeke kucha musAphira bole-- " yahAM jagaha nahIM hai| lekina isake bhItara ghusA sakate ho to ghusA do; khar3A rahanA hogaa|" majadUrane mujhase pUchA-- "kyoMjI ? " maiMne kahA-- "hAM, ghusA do !" taba usane mujhe uThAkara khir3akI se aMdara pheMka diyaa| maiM aMdara ghusA aura majadUrane bAraha Ane kamAye / merI yaha rAta bar3I muzkiloMse bItI / dUsare musAphira to kisI taraha jyoM-tyoM karake baiTha gaye; paraMtu maiM UparakI baiThakakI jaMjIra pakar3akara khar3A hI rahA / bIca-bIcameM yAtrI loga mujhe DAMTate bhI jAte-- "are, khar3A kyoM hai, baiTha kyoM nahIM jAtA?" maiMne unheM bahuterA samajhAyA ki baiThanekI jagaha nahIM hai; paraMtu unheM

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410 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 merA khar3A rahanA bhI baradAzta nahIM hotA thA, hAlAMki ve khuda UparakI baiThaka meM ArAma se paira tAne par3e hue the ! para mujhe bAra-bAra dika karate the / jyoM-jyoM ve mujhe dika karate tyoM-tyoM maiM unheM zAMti se javAba detA / isase ve kucha zAMta hue / phira merA nAmaThAma pUchane lage / jaba mujhe apanA nAma batAnA par3A taba ve bar3e zarmiMdA hue| mujhase mAphI mAMgane lage aura turaMta apane pAsa jagaha kara dI / 'sabarakA phala mIThA hotA hai'-- yaha kahAvata mujhe yAda aaii| isa samaya maiM bahuta thaka gayA thA / merA sira ghUma rahA thA / jaba baiThaneko jagahakI sacamuca jarUrata thI taba Izvarane usakI suvidhA kara dI / isa taraha dhakke khAtA huA Akhira samayapara kalakatte pahuMca gayA / kAsimabAjArake mahArAjane apane yahAM ThaharanekA mujhe nimaMtraNa de rakkhA thA / kalakattekI sabhA ke sabhApati bhI vahI the / karAcIkI taraha kalakatte meM bhI logoMkA utsAha umar3a rahA thA, kucha aMgreja loga bhI Aye the / ikattIsa julAI ke pahale kulI- prathA baMda hone kI ghoSaNA prakAzita huI / 1894 meM isa prathAkA virodha karaneke lie pahalI darakhAsta maiMne banAI thI aura yaha AzA rakkhI thI ki kisI dina yaha 'ardha-gulAmI' jarUra rada ho jAyagI / 1894 meM zurU hue isa kArya meM yadyapi bahutere logoMkI sahAyatA thii| paraMtu yaha kahe binA nahIM rahA jAtA ki isa bArake prayatnake sAtha zuddha satyAgraha bhI sammilita thA / isa ghaTanAkA adhika byaurA aura usameM bhAga lenevAle pAtroMkA paricaya . dakSiNa aphrIkA ke satyAgraha ke itihAsa meM pAThakoMko milegA / 12 nIlakA dAga caMpArana rAjA janakakI bhUmi hai| caMpAranameM jaise grAma bana haiM usI _taraha, 1917meM nIlake kheta the| caMpAranake kisAna apanI hI jamInake 3 /20 hisse meM nIlakI khetI jamInake asalI mAlika ke lie karanepara kAnUnana bAdhya the / ise vahAM 'tIna kaThiyA' kahate the / 20 kaTThekA vahAM eka ekar3a thA aura usameM se 3 kaTThe nIla bonA par3atA thA / isIlie usa prathAkA nAma par3a gayA thA

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adhyAya 12 : nIlakA dAga 411 'tIna kaThiyA' / ___maiM yaha kaha denA cAhatA hUM ki caMpAranameM jAneke pahale maiM usakA nAmanizAna nahIM jAnatA thaa| yaha khayAla bhI prAyaH nahIMke barAbara hI thA ki vahAM nIlakI khetI hotI hai / nIlakI goTiyAM dekhI thIM; paraMtu mujhe yaha bilakula patA ma thA ki vai pAranameM banatI thIM aura unake lie hajAroM kisAnoMko vahAM duHkha uThAnA par3atA thA / rAjakumAra zukla nAmake eka kisAna caMpArana meM rahate the| unapara nIlakI khetIke silasile meM bar3I burI bItI thii| yaha duHkha unheM khala rahA thA aura usI ke phalasvarUpa sabake lie isa nIlake dAgako dho DAlanekA utsAha unameM paidA huA thaa| jaba maiM kAMgresameM lakhanaU gayA thA, taba isa kisAnane merA pallA pkdd'aa| "vakIlabAba Apako saba hAla batAyeMge"---yaha kahate hue caMpArana calanekA nimaMtraNa mujhe dete jAte the| yaha vakIlabAbU aura koI nahIM, mere caMpAranake priya sAthI, bihArake sevA-jIvanake prANa, bRjakizorabAbU hI the| unheM rAjakumAra zukla mere DeremeM laaye| vaha kAle alapakekA acakana, patalUna vagairA pahane hue the| mere dilapara unakI koI acchI chApa nahIM pdd'ii| maiMne samajhA ki isa bhole kisAnako lUTanevAle koI vakIla hoMge / / maiMne unase caMpAranakI thor3I-sI kathA sunalI aura apane rivAjake mutAbika javAba diyA-- "jabataka maiM khuda jAkara saba hAla na dekha lUM tabataka maiM koI rAya nahIM de sktaa| Apa kAMgresameM isa viSayapara boleM; kiMtu mujhe to abhI chor3a hI diijie|" rAjakumAra zukla to cAhate the ki kAMgresakI madada mile| caMpAranake viSayameM kAMgresa meM bRjakizorabAbU bole aura sahAnubhUtikA eka prastAva pAsa huaa| rAjakumAra zuklako isase khuzI huI; paraMtu itane hIse unheM saMtoSa na huaa| vaha to khuda caMpAranake kisAnoM ke duHkha dikhAnA cAhate the| maiMne kahA" maiM apane bhramaNameM caMpAranako bhI le lUMgA, aura eka-do dina vahAMke lie de duugaa|" unhoMne kahA- "eka dina kAphI hogA, apanI najaroMse dekhie to sahI / "

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412 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 lakhanaUse maiM kAnapura gayA thaa| vahAM bhI dekhA to rAjakumAra zukla maujUda / "yahAMse caMpArana bahuta najadIka hai| eka dina de diijie|" "abhI to mujhe mApha kIjie; para maiM yaha vacana detA hUM ki maiM AUMgA jruur|" yaha kahakara vahAM jAne ke lie maiM aura bhI baMdha gayA / . maiM Azrama pahuMcA to vahAM bhI rAjakumAra zukla mere pIche-pIche maujUda / "aba to dina mukarrara kara diijie|" maiMne kahA- "acchA, amuka tArIkhako kalakatte jAnA hai, vahAM Akara mujhe le jaanaa|" kahAM jAnA, kyA karanA, kyA dekhanA, mujhe isakA kucha patA na thaa| kalakattepne bhUpenavAbUke yahAM mere pahuMcaneke pahale hI rAjakumAra zuklakA par3Ava par3a cukA thaa| aba to isa par3ha-anaghar3a paraMtu nizcayI kisAnane mujhe jIta liyA / / 1917ke AraMbhameM kalakattese hama donoM ravAnA hue| hama donoM kI eka-sI jor3I--donoM kisAna-se dIkhate the| rAjakumAra zukla aura maiM-- hama donoM eka hI gAr3I meM baitthe| subaha paTanA utare / paTanekI yaha merI pahalI yAtrA thii| vahAM merI kisIse itanI pahacAna nahIM thI ki kahIM Thahara skuu| . . maiMne manameM socA thA ki rAjakumAra zukla haiM to anaghar3a kisAna, paraMtu yahAM unakA kucha-na-kucha jariyA jarUra hogaa| TrenameM unakA mujhe adhika hAla mAlUma huaa| paTana meM jAkara unakI kalaI khula gii| rAjakumAra zuklakA bhAva to nirdoSa thA, paraMtu jina vakIloMko unhoMne mitra mAnA thA ve mitra na the; balki rAjakumAra zukla unake AzritakI taraha the| isa kisAna mavakkila aura una vakIloMke bIca utanA hI aMtara thA, jitanA ki barasAtameM gaMgAjIkA pATa caur3A ho jAtA hai / - mujhe vaha rAjeMdrabAbUke yahAM le gye| rAjeMdrabAbU purI yA kahIM aura gaye the| baMgalepara eka-do naukara the / khAneke lie kucha to mere sAtha thA; paraMtu mujhe khajUrakI jarUrata thI; so becAre rAjakumAra zuklane bAjArase lA dii| paraMtu bihAra meM chuA-chUtakA bar3A sakhta rivAja thaa| mere Dolake pAnIke chIMTese naukarako chUta lagatI thii| naukara becArA kyA jAnatA ki maiM kisa jAtikA thA ? aMdarake pAkhAnekA upayoga karaneke lie rAjakumArane kahA to naukarane

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adhyAya 13 : bihArakI saralatA bAharake pAkhAnekI tarapha uMgalI btaaii| mere lie isameM asamaMjasakI yA roSakI koI bAta na thI; kyoMki aise anubhavoMse maiM pakkA ho gayA thaa| naukara to becArA apane dharmakA pAlana kara rahA thA, aura rAjeMdrabAbUke prati apanA pharja adA karatA thaa| ina majedAra anubhavoMse rAjakumAra zuklake prati jahAM eka ora merA mAna bar3hA, tahAM unake saMbaMdha merA jJAna bhI bddh'aa| aba paTanAse lagAma maiMne apane hAthameM le lii| bihArakI saralatA maulAnA majaharulahaka aura maiM eka sAtha laMdanameM par3hate the| usake bAda hama baMbaImeM 1915kI kAMgresameM mile the| usa sAla vaha musalimalIgake sabhApati the| unhoMne purAnI pahacAna nikAlakara jaba kabhI maiM paTanA AUM to unake yahAM ThaharanekA nimaMtraNa diyA thaa| isa nimaMtraNake AdhArapara maiMne unheM ciTThI likhI aura apane kAmakA paricaya bhI diyaa| vaha turaMta apanI moTara lekara Aye aura mujhe apane yahAM calanekA isarAra karane lge| isake lie maiMne unako dhanyavAda diyA aura kahA ki " mujhe apane jAne ke sthAnapara pahalI Trenase ravAnA kara diijie| relave gAiDase mukAmakA mujhe kucha patA nahIM laga sktaa|" unhoMne rAjakumAra zuklake sAtha bAta kI aura kahA ki pahale mujaphpharapura jAnA caahie| usI dina zAmako mujaphpharapurakI gAr3I jAtI thii| usameM unhoMne mujhe ravAnA kara diyaa| mujaphpharapurameM usa samaya prAcArya kRpalAnI bhI rahate the| unheM maiM pahacAnatA thaa| jaba maiM haidarAbAda gayA thA taba unake mahAtyAgakI, unake jIvanakI aura unake dravyase calanevAle AzramakI bAta DaoNkTara coitharAmake mukhase sunI thii| vaha mujaphpharapura kaoNlejameM prophesara the; para usa samaya vahAMse mukta ho baiThe the| maiMne unheM tAra kiyaa| Trena mujaphpharapura AdhIrAtako pahuMcatI thii| vaha apane ziSya-maMDala ko lekara sTezana A pahuMce the; paraMtu unake ghara-bAra kucha nthaa| vaha adhyApaka malakAnIke yahAM rahate the; mujhe unake yahAM le gye| malakAnI bhI vahAMke kaoNlejameM prophesara the aura usa jamAnemeM sarakArI kaoNlejake prophesara

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414 * Atma-kathA: bhAga 5 kA mujhe apane yahAM ThaharAnA eka asAdhAraNa bAta thI / kRpalAnIjIne bihArakI aura usameM tirahuta-vibhAgakI dIna dazA kA varNana kiyA aura mujhe apane kAmakI kaThinAIkA aMdAja btaayaa| kRpalAnIjIne vihAriyoMke sAtha gAr3hA saMbaMdha kara liyA thaa| unhoMne mere kAmakI bAta vahAMke logoMse kara rakkhI thii| subaha hote hI kucha vakIla mere pAsa aaye| unameMse rAmanavamIprasAdajIkA nAma mujhe yAda raha gayA hai| unhoMne apane isa aAgrahake kAraNa merA dhyAna apanI ora khIMcA thA-- "Apa jisa kAmako karane yahAM Aye haiM vaha isa jagahase nahIM ho sktaa| Apako to hama-jaise logoMke yahAM calakara ThaharanA caahie| gayAbAbU yahAMke mazahUra vakIla haiN| unakI taraphase maiM Apako unake yahAM ThaharanekA aAgraha karatA huuN| hama saba sarakArase to jarUra Darate haiM; paraMtu hamase jitanI ho sakegI ApakI madada kreNge| rAjakumAra zuklakI bahuterI bAteM saca haiN| hameM aphasosa hai ki hamAre aguprA Aja yahAM nahIM haiM / bAbU bRjakizoraprasAdako aura rAjeMdraprasAdako maiMne tAra diyA hai| donoM yahAM jaldI A jAyaMge aura Apako pUrI-pUrI vAkaphiyata aura madada de skeNge| miharabAnI karake Apa gayAbAbUke yahAM calie / " / yaha bhASaNa sunakara maiM lalacAyA; para mujhe isa bhayase saMkoca huA, mujhe ThaharAnese kahI gayAbAbUkI sthiti viSama na ho jAya; paraMtu gayAbAbUne isake viSayameM mujhe nizcita kara diyA / ___ aba maiM gayAbAbUke yahAM tthhraa| unhoMne tathA unake kuTuMbI-janoMne mujhapara bar3e premakI varSA kii| __ bRjakizorabAbU - darabhaMgAse aura rAjeMdrabAbU purIse yahAM aaye| yahAM lo maiMne dekhA to vaha lakhanaUvAle bRjakizoraprasAda nahIM the| unake aMdara bihArIkI namratA, sAdagI, bhalamaMtI aura asAdhAraNa zraddhA dekhakara merA hRdaya harSase phUla utthaa| bihArI vakIla-maMDalakA unake prati AdarabhAva dekhakara mujhe prAnaMda aura Azcarya donoM hue| tabase isa vakIla-maMDalake aura mere janma-bharake lie sneha-gAMTha baMdha gii| bRjakizorabAbUne mujhe saba bAtoMse vAkipha kara diyaa| vaha garIba kisAnoMkI taraphase mukadame lar3ate the| aise do mukadame usa samaya cala rahe the| aise mukadamoM

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adhyAya 13 : bihArakI saralatA 415 ke dvArA vaha kucha vyaktiyoMko rAhata dilAte the; para kabhI-kabhI isameM bhI asaphala ho jAte the / ina bhole-bhAle kisAnoMse vaha phIsa liyA karate the| tyAgI hote hue bhI bRjakizorabAbU yA rAjeMdrabAbU phIsa lene meM saMkoca na karate the / " pezeke kAma gara phIsa na leM to hamArA ghara kharca nahIM cala sakatA aura hama logoM kI madada bhI nahIM kara skte| " yaha unakI dalIla thI / unakI tathA baMgAla-bihArake bairisTaroMkI phIsake kalpanAtIta aMka sunakara maiM to cakita raha gayA / "....ko hamane 'propIniyana' ke lie dasa hajAra rupaye diye / " hajAroMke sivAya to maiMne bAta hI nahIM sunI / isa mitra maMDalane isa viSaya meM merA mIThA ulAhanA premake sAtha sunA / unhoMne usakA ulTA artha nahIM lagAyA / 11 maiMne kahA ' ina mukadamoMkI misaleM dekhane ke bAda merI to yaha rAya hotI hai ki hama yaha mukadamebAjI aba chor3a deN| aise mukadamoMse bahuta kama lAbha hotA hai| jahAM prajA itanI kucalI jAtI hai, jahAM saba loga itane bhayabhIta rahate haiM, vahAM adAlatoMke dvArA bahuta kama rAhata mila sakatI hai / isakA saccA ilAja to hai logoMke dilase Darako nikAla denA / isalie aba jabataka yaha 'tIna kaThiyA' prathA miTa nahIM jAtI tabataka hama ArAmase nahIM baiTha sakate / maiM to abhI do dinameM jitanA dekha sakUM, dekhane ke lie AyA hUM; paraMtu maiM dekhatA hUM ki isa kAma meM do varSa bhI laga sakate haiM; paraMtu itane samaya kI bhI jarUrata ho to maiM dene ke lie taiyAra hUM / yaha mujhe sUjha rahA hai ki mujhe kyA karanA cAhie; paraMtu ApakI madadakI jarUrata hai / " maiMne dekhA ki bRjakizorabAbU nizcita vicArake AdamI haiM / unhoMne zAMti ke sAtha uttara diyA-- " hamase jo kucha bana sakegI vaha madada hama jarUra kareMge; paraMtu hameM Apa batalAie ki Apa kisa tarahakI madada cAhate haiM / ' 33 " hama loga rAtabhara baiThakara isa viSayapara vicAra karate rahe / maiMne kahA -- 'mujhe ApakI vakAlatakI sahAyatAkI jarUrata kama hogii| Apa jaisoMse maiM lekhaka aura dubhASiyeke rUpameM sahAyatA cAhatA hUM / saMbhava hai, isa kAma meM jela jAne kI bhI naubata A jAya / yadi Apa isa jokhimameM par3a sakeM to maiM ise pasaMda karUMgA; paraMtu yadi Apa na par3anA cAheM to bhI koI bAta nahIM / vakAlata ko

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 anizcita samayake lie baMda karake lekhakake rUpameM kAma karanA bhI merI kucha kama mAMga nahIM hai| yahAMkI bolI samajhane meM mujhe bahuta dikkata par3atI hai| kAgajapatra saba urdU yA kaithImeM likhe hote haiM, jinheM maiM par3ha nahIM sktaa| unake anuvAdakI maiM Apase AzA rakhatA hUM / rupaye dekara yaha kAma karAnA cAheM to apanI sAmarthya ke bAhara hai| yaha saba sevA-bhAvase, binA paiseke, honA caahie| bRjakizorabAbU merI bAtako samajha to gaye; paraMtu unhoMne mujhase tathA apane sAthiyoMse jiraha zurU kii| merI bAtoMkA phalitArtha unheM btaayaa| mujhase pUchA-- "Apake aMdAjameM kabataka vakIloMko yaha tyAga karanA cAhie, kitanA karanA cAhie, thor3e-thor3e loga thor3I-thor3I avadhike lie Ate raheM to kAma calegA yA nahIM ? " ityAdi / vakIloMse unhoMne pUchA ki Apa loga kitanAkitanA tyAga kara sakeMge ? ____ aMtameM unhoMne apanA yaha nizcaya prakaTa kiyA-- hama itane loga to Apa jo kAma sauMpeMge karane ke lie taiyAra raheMge / inameMse jitanoMko Apa jisa samaya cAheMge Apake pAsa hAjira rheNge| jela jAnekI bAta alabattA hamAre lie naI hai; para usakI bhI himmata karanekI hama koziza kreNge|" ahiMsAdevIkA sAkSAtkAra mujhe to kisAnoMkI hAlatakI jAMca karanI thii| yaha dekhanA thA ki nIlake mAlikoMkI jo zikAyata kisAnoMko thI, usameM kitanI sacAI hai| isameM hajAroM kisAnoMse milanekI jarUrata thI'; paraMtu isa taraha Amataurapara unase milane-julaneke pahale, nilahe mAlikoMkI bAta suna lene aura kamiznarase milanekI AvazyakatA mujhe dikhAI dii| maiMne donoMko ciTThI likhI / .. ___ mAlikoMke maMDalake maMtrIse milA to unhoMne mujhe sApha kaha diyA, "Apa to bAharI AdamI hai| Apako hamAre aura kisAnoMke jhagar3emeM na par3anA caahie| phira bhI yadi Apako kucha kahanA ho to likhakara bheja diijiegaa|" maiMne maMtrIse saujanyake sAtha kahA- "maiM apaneko bAharI AdamI nahIM samajhatA aura kisAna

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adhyAya 14 : ahiMsAdevIkA sAkSAtkAra 417 yadi cAhate hoM to unakI sthitikI jAMca karanekA mujhe pUrA adhikAra hai|" kamiznara sAhabase milA to unhoMne to mujhe dhamakAnese hI zurUpAta kI aura Age koI kArravAI na karate hue mujhe tirahuta chor3anekI salAha dii| maiMne sAthiyoMse ye saba bAteM karake kahA ki saMbhava hai, sarakAra jAMca karanese majhe roke aura jela-yAtrAkA samaya zAyada mere aMdAjase pahale hI AjAya / yadi pakaDe jAnekA hI maukA Ave to mujhe motIhArI aura ho sake to betiyAmeM giraphtAra honA caahie| isalie jitanI jaldI ho sake mujhe vahAM pahuMca jAnA caahie| . caMpArana tirahuta jilekA eka bhAga thA aura motIhArI usakA eka mukhya zahara / betiyAke hI AsapAsa rAjakumAra zuklakA makAna thA / aura usake AsapAsa koThiyoMke kisAna sabase jyAdA garIba the| unakI hAlata dikhAnekA lobha rAjakumAra zuklako thA aura mujhe aba unhIMko dekhanekI icchA thI, isalie sAthiyoMko lekara maiM usI dina motIhArI jAne ke lie ravAnA huaa| motIhArImeM gorakhabAbUne Azraya diyA aura unakA ghara khAsI dharmazAlA bana gayA / hama saba jyoM-tyoM karake usameM samA sakate the| jisa dina hama pahuMce usI dina hamane sunA ki motIhArIse pAMceka mIla dUra eka kisAna rahatA thA aura usapara bahuta atyAcAra huA thaa| nizcaya huA ki use dekhane ke lie dharaNIdharaprasAda vakIlako lekara subaha jaauuN| tadanusAra subaha hote hI hama hAthIpara savAra hokara cala pdd'e| caMpAranameM hAthI lagabhaga vahI kAma detA hai jo gujarAtameM bailagAr3I detI hai| hama Adhe raste pahuMce hoMge ki pulisa-supariMTeMDeMTa kA sipAhI A phuNcaa| aura usane mujhase kahA- "supariTeMDeMTa sAhabane Apako salAma bhejA hai|" maiM usakA matalaba samajha gyaa| dharaNIdharabAbUse maiMne kahA, Apa Age calie, aura maiM usa jAsUsake sAtha usa gAr3ImeM baiThA, jo vaha kirAye para lAyA thaa| usane mujhe caMpArana chor3a denekA noTisa diyaa| ghara lejAkara usapara mere dastakhata maaNge| maiMne javAba diyA ki "maiM caMpArana chor3anA nahIM caahtaa| Age muphassilAtameM jAkara jAMca karanI hai / " isa hukmakA anAdara karaneke aparAdhameM dUsare hI dina mujhe adAlatameM hAjira honekA samana milA / ... sArI rAta jagakara maiMne jagaha-jagaha Avazyaka ciTThiyAM likhIM aura jo-jo Avazyaka bAteM thIM ve bRjakizorabAbUko samajhA dii| 27

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418 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 samanakI bAta eka kSaNameM cAroM ora phaila gaI aura loga kahate the ki aisA dRzya motIhArImeM pahale kabhI nahIM dekhA gayA thaa| gorakhabAbUke ghara aura adAlatameM khacAkhaca bhIr3a ho gii| khuzakismatIse maiMne apanA sArA kAma rAtako hI khatama kara liyA thA, isase usa bhIr3akA meM iMtajAma kara skaa| isa samaya apane sAthiyoMkI pUrI-pUrI kImata dekhanekA mujhe maukA milaa| ve logoMko niyamake aMdara rakhanemeM juTa pdd'e| adAlatameM maiM jahAM jAtA vahIM logoMkI bhIr3a mere pIche-pIche aatii| kalekTara, majisTreTa, supariTeMDeMTa vagairA ke aura mere daramiyAna bhI eka tarahakA acchA saMbaMdha ho gyaa| sarakArI noTisa ityAdikA agara maiM bAkAyadA virodha karatA to kara sakatA thA; paraMtu aisA karaneke bajAya maiMne unake tamAma noTisoMko maMjUra kara liyaa| phira rAja-karmacAriyoMke sAtha mere jAtI tAllukAtameM jisa miThAsakA maiMne avalaMbana kiyA usase ve samajha gaye ki maiM unakA virodha nahIM karanA caahtaa| balki unake hukmakA savinaya virodha karanA cAhatA huuN| isase ve eka prakArase nizcita hue| mujhe dika karaneke bajAya unhoMne logoMko niyamameM rakhaneke kAmameM merI aura mere sAthiyoMkI sahAyatA khuzIse lI; para sAtha hI ve yaha bhI samajha gaye ki Ajase hamArI sattA yahAMse uTha gii| loga thor3I derake lie sajAkA bhaya chor3akara apane naye mitrake premakI sattAke adhIna ho gye| yahAM pAThaka yAda rakheM ki caMpAranameM mujhe koI pahacAnatA na thaa| kisAna loga bilakula anapar3ha the| caMpArana gaMgAke usa pAra, TheTha himAlayakI tarAImeM nepAlake najadIkakA hissA hai| use naI duniyA hI kahanA caahie| yahAM kAMgresakA nAma-nizAna bhI nahIM thA, na usake koI meMbara hI the| jina logoMne kAMgresakA nAma suna rakkhA thA ve usakA nAma lete hue aura usameM zarIka hote hue Darate the; para Aja vahAM kAMgresake nAmake binA kAMgresane aura kAMgresake sevakoMne praveza kiyA aura kAMgresakI duhAI dhUma gii| __ sAthiyoMke sAtha kucha salAha karake maiMne yaha nizcaya kiyA thA ki kAMgresake nAmapara kucha bhI kAma yahAM na kiyA jaay| hamako nAmase nahIM kAmase matalaba hai| 'kathanIkI--kahanekI-nahIM, karanIkI' jarUrata hai| kAMgresakA nAma yahAM logoMko khalatA hai| isa prAMtameM kAMgresakA artha hai vakIloMkI tU-tU, maiM-maiM,

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adhyAya 14 : ahiMsAdevIkA sAkSAtkAra 416 kAnUna kI galiyoM meM nikala bhAgane kI koziza / kAMgresakA artha yahAM hai bama-gole aura kahanA kucha karanA kucha / aisA khayAla kAMgresake bAremeM yahAM sarakAra aura sarakArakI sarakAra yAnI nilahe mAlikoMke manameM thA; paraMtu hameM yaha sAbita karanA thA ki kAMgresa aisI nahIM, dUsarI hI vastu hai / isalie hamane yaha nizcaya kiyA thA ki kahIM bhI kAMgresakA nAma na liyA jAya aura logoMko kAMgresake bhautika dehakA bhI paricaya na karAyA jAya / hamane socA ki ve kAMgresake akSarako -- nAmako na jAnate hue usakI grAtmAko jAneM aura usakA anusaraNa kareM to basa hai / yahI vAstavika bAta hai / isalie kAMgresakI taraphase kisI chipe yA prakaTa dUtoMke dvArA koI jamIna taiyAra nahIM karAI gaI thI; koI pezabaMdI nahIM kI gaI thii| rAjakumAra zukla meM hajAroM logoMmeM praveza karanekI sAmarthya na thI, vahAM logoMke aMdara kisIne bhI Aja taka koI rAjanaitika kAma nahIM kiyA thaa| caMpAranake sivA bAharakI duniyAko ve jAnate hI na the / . phira bhI unakA aura merA milApa kisI purAne mitrake milApa - sA thA / ataeva yaha kahane meM mujhe koI pratyukti nahIM mAlUma hotI, balki yaha akSarazaH satya hai ki maiMne vahAM IzvarakA, ahiMsAkA aura satyakA, sAkSAtkAra kiyA / jaba sAkSAtkAra-viSayaka apane isa adhikArapara vicAra karatA hUM to mujhe usameM logoM ke prati premake sivA dUsarI koI bAta nahIM dikhAI par3atI aura yaha prema athavA hiMsA ke prati merI acala zraddhAke sivA aura kucha nahIM hai / caMpAranakA yaha dina mere jIvana meM aisA thA, jise maiM kabhI nahIM bhUla sakatA / yaha mere tathA kisAnoMke lie utsavakA dina thA / mujhapara sarakArI kAnUna ke mutAbika mukadamA calAyA jAnevAlA thA; paraMtu saca pUchA jAya to mukadamA sarakArapara cala rahA thaa| kamiznarane jo jAla mere lie phailAyA thA usameM usane sarakArako hI phaMsA mArA /

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420 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 15 mukadamA vApasa .. " 66 mukadamA calA / sarakArI vakIla, majisTreTa vagairA citita ho rahe the / nahIM par3atA thA ki kyA kareM / sarakArI vakIla tArIkha bar3hAnekI koziza kara rahA thA / maiM bIcameM par3A aura maiMne arja kiyA ki "tArIkha bar3hAne kI koI * jarUrata nahIM hai; kyoMki maiM apanA yaha aparAdha kabUla karanA cAhatA hUM ki maiMne caMpArana chor3anekI noTisakA anAdara kiyA hai / yaha kahakara maiMne jo apanA choTA sA vaktavya taiyAra kiyA thA vaha par3ha sunaayaa| vaha isa prakAra thA -- adAlatakI AjJA lekara meM saMkSepameM yaha batalAnA cAhatA hUM ki jAvetA phaujadArIko daphA 144kI rUse diye noTisa dvArA mujhe jo AjJA dI gaI hai, usakI spaSTa avajJA maiMne kyoM kI / merI samajha meM yaha raarat nahIM balki sthAnIya adhikAriyoM aura mere bIca mata-bhedakA prazna hai / maiM isa pradezameM jana sevA tathA deza-sevA karaneke vicAra se AyA huuN| yahAM Akara una raiyatoMkI sahAyatA karaneke lie mujhase bahuta Agraha kiyA gayA thA, jinake sAtha kahA jAtA hai ki nilahe sAhaba acchA vyavahAra nahIM karate; isIlie maiM yahAM AyA hU~ / para jabataka maiM saba bAteM acchI taraha jAna na letA, tabataka una logoMkI koI sahAyatA nahIM kara sakatA thA / isalie yadi ho sake to adhikAriyoM aura nilahe sAhaba kI sahAyatA meM saba bAteM jAnane ke lie AyA huuN| maiM kisI dUsare uddezyase yahAM nahIM AyA huuN| mujhe yaha vizvAsa nahIM hotA ki mere yahAM Ane se kisI prakAra zAMti-bhaMga yA prANa-hAni ho sakatI hai / meM kaha sakatA hUM ki mujhe aisI bAtoMkA bahuta anubhava hai | adhikAriyoMko jo kaThinAiyAM hotI haiM, unako maiM samajhatA hUM; aura maiM yaha bhI mAnatA hUM ki unheM jo sUcanA milatI hai, ve kevala usIke anusAra kAma kara sakate haiN| kAnUna mAnanevAle vyaktikI taraha merI pravRtti yahI honI cAhie thI, aura aisI pravRtti huI bhI ki maiM isa AjJA kA pAlana karUM; paraMtu

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adhyAya 15 : mukadamA vApasa 421 aisA karanA mujhe una logoMke prati, jinake kAraNa maiM yahAM AyA hUM, apane kartavyakA ghAta karanA bhAlUma huaa| maiM samajhatA hUM ki maiM una logoMke bIca rahakara hI unakI bhalAI kara sakatA huuN| isa kAraNa maiM svecchAse isa sthAnase nahIM jA sakatA thaa| aise dharma-saMkaTakI dazAmeM ma kevala yahI kara sakatA thA ki apaneko haTAnekI sArI jimmedArI zAsakoMpara chor3a duuN| maiM bhalIbhAMti jAnatA hUM ki bhAratake sArvajanika jIvanameM merI jaisI pratiSThA rakhanevAle logoMko apane kisI kArya ke dvArA Adarza upasthita karanemeM bahuta hI saceta rahanA caahie| merA dRr3ha vizvAsa hai ki Aja jisa aTapaTI sthiti meM hama loga haiM usameM mujha jaisI sthitike svAbhimAnI vyaktike pAsa dUsarA koI acchA va sammAnapUrNa mArga nahIM hai, sivA isake ki usa hukmakA anAdara kare va usake badale jo sajA mile use cupacApa saha le / maiMne jo bayAna diyA hai, vaha isalie nahIM hai ki jo daMDa mujhe milanevAlA hai, vaha kama kiyA jAya; balki isa bAtako dikhalAneke lie ki maiMne jo sarakArI AjJAkI avajJA kI hai vaha kAnUnana sthApita sarakArakA apamAna karaneke irAdese nahIM, balki isa kAraNase ki maiMne usase bhI uccatara AjJA--apanI antarAtmAko AjJA--kA pAlana karanA ucita samajhA hai|" aba mukadamekI sunavAI multavI rakhanekA to kucha kAraNa hI nahIM raha gayA thA; paraMtu majisTreTa yA sarakArI vakIla isa pariNAmakI AzA nahIM rakhate the| ataeva sajAke lie adAlatane phaisalA multavI rkkhaa| maiMne vAisarAyako tAra dvArA saba hAlatakI sUcanA de dI thI, paTanA bhI tAra de diyA thaa| bhAratabhaSaNa paMDita mAlavIyajI vagairA ko bhI tAra dvArA samAcAra bheja diyA thaa| aba sajA sunane ke lie adAlatameM jAnekA samaya Aneke pahale hI mujhe majisTreTakA hukma milA ki lATa sAhabake hukmase mukadamA uThA liyA gayA hai aura kalekTarakI ciTThI milI ki Apa jo kucha jAMca karanA cAheM, zaukase kareM aura usameM jo kucha madadu sarakArI karmacAriyoMkI orase lenA cAheM, leN| aise tatkAla aura zubha pariNAmakI AzA hamameMse kisIne nahIM kI thii| maiM kalekTara mi0 hekaoNkase milaa| vaha bhalA AdamI mAlUma humA aura

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422 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 iMsApha karaneke lie tatpara najara aayaa| usane kahA ki Apa jo kucha kAgajapatra yA aura kucha dekhanA cAheM, dekha sakate haiM / jaba kabhI milanA cAheM, jarUra mila sakate haiM / * dUsarI tarapha sAre bhAratavarSako satyAgrahakA athavA kAnUna ke savinaya bhaMgakA pahalA sthAnika padArtha pATha milA / akhabAroMmeM isa prakaraNakI khUba carcA calI aura caMpAranako tathA merI jAMcako akalpita vijJApana mila gayA / mujhe apanI jAMcake lie jahAM eka prora sarakArake niSpakSa rahane kI jarUrata thI, tahAM dUsarI ora akhabAroMmeM carcA hone kI aura unake saMvAdadAtAoMkI jarUrata nahIM thI / yahI nahIM, balki unakI kar3I TIkA aura jAMcakI bar3I-bar3I riporToM se hAni hone kA bhI bhaya thA / isalie maiMne mukhya-mukhya akhabAroMke saMpAdakoMse anurodha kiyA ki " Apa apane saMvAdadAtAoM ko bhejane kA kharca na uThAveM / ... jitanI bAteM prakAzita karane yogya hoMgI, vaha maiM Apako khuda hI bhejatA rahUMgA aura khabara bhI detA rahUgA / idhara caMpArana nilahe mAlika khUba bigar3e hue the, yaha maiM jAnatA thA; aura yaha bhI maiM samajhatA thA ki adhikArI loga bhI manameM khuza na rahate hoMge / akhabAroMmeM jo jhUThI-saccI khabareM chapatIM unase ve aura bhI cir3hate / unakI cir3hakA asara mujhapara to kyA hotA; paraMtu becAre garIba, Darapoka raiyyatapara unakA gussA utare binA na rahatA aura aisA honese jo vAstavika sthiti meM jAnanA cAhatA thA usameM vighna par3atA / nilahoM kI taraphase jaharIlA AMdolana zurU ho gayA thA / unakI taraphase akhabAroMmeM mere tathA mere sAthiyoMke viSaya meM manamAnI - jhUThI bAteM phailAI jAtI thIM; paraMtu merI atyaMta sAvadhAnI ke kAraNa, aura choTIse-choTI bAtameM bhI satyapara dRr3ha rahane kI Adata ke kAraNa, unake saba tIra bekAra gaye / bRjakizorabAbUkI aneka tarahase niMdA karanemeM nilahoMne kisI bAta kI kamI na rakkhI thI; paraMtu ve jyoM-jyoM unakI niMdA karate gaye tyoM-tyoM bRjakizorabAbUkI pratiSThA bar3hatI gaI / aisI nAjuka hAlata meM maiMne saMvAdadAtAnoMko vahAM Aneke lie bilakula utsAhita nahIM kiyA | netAoM ko bhI nahIM bulAyA / mAlavIyajI ne mujhe kahalA

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adhyAya 16 : kArya-paddhati 423 rakkhA thA ki jaba jarUrata ho taba mujhe bulA lenA; meM Aneke lie taiyAra hUM; para unheM bhI kaSTa nahIM diyA aura na prAMdolanako rAjanaitika rUpa hI grahaNa karane diyA / vahAMke samAcAroMkA vivaraNa meM samaya - samayapara mukhya-mukhya patroMko bhejatA rahatA thA / rAjanaitika kAmoMmeM bhI jahAM rAjanItikI guMjAiza na ho vahAM rAjanaitika rUpa de dene se " mAyA milI na rAma " vAlI masala hotI aura isa taraha viSayoMkA sthAnAMtara na karanese donoM sudharate haiM, yaha maiMne bahuta bAra anubhava karake dekhA thA / zuddha loka-sevAmeM pratyakSa nahIM to parokSa rUpameM rAjanIti samAI hI rahatI hai, yaha bAta caMpAranakA AMdolana siddha kara rahA thA / 16 kArya-paddhati / motIhArI meM loga caMpAranakI jAMca kA vivaraNa denA mAno caMpAranake kisAnoMkA itihAsa denA hai | yaha sArA itihAsa ina adhyAyoMmeM nahIM diyA jA sakatA / phira caMpAranakI thI, hiMsA aura satyakA eka bar3A prayoga hI thA / aura jitanI bAtoMkA saMbaMdha isa prayogase hai ve jaise-jaise mujhe sUjhatI jAtI haiM, prati saptAha detA jAtA hU~ / " aba mUla viSayapara AtA hUM / gorakhabAbUke yahAM rahakara jAMca kI jAtI to gorakhabAbUko apanA ghara hI khAlI karanA par3atA itane nirbhaya nahIM the ki mAMgate hI apanA makAna kirAyepara bRjakizorabAbUne eka acchA caugAnavAlA makAna kirAyepara loga vahAM cale gaye / vahAMkA kAmakAja calAneke lie dhanakI AvazyakatA thI / sArvajanika kAmake lie logoMse rupayA mAMganekI prathA Ajataka na thI / bRjakizorabAbUkA yaha maMDala mukhyataH vakIla-maMDala thA / isalie jaba kabhI prAvazyakatA hotI to ve yA to apanI jebase rupayA dete yA kucha mitroMse mAMga lAte / unakA khayAla yaha thA ki jo loga khuda rupaye-paise se sukhI haiM ve sarva-sAdhAraNase de deM; paraMtu catura 'liyA aura hama ' adhika vivaraNa jAnane ke lie bAbU rAjeMdraprasAda - likhita 'campArana meM mahAtmA gAMdhI' nAmaka pustaka par3hanI cAhie / anu0

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424 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 dhanakI bhikSA kaise mAMga sakate haiM ? aura merA yaha dRr3ha nizcaya thA ki caMpAranakI raiyyatase eka kaur3Ina lenA caahie| yadi aisA karate to usakA ulTA artha hotaa| yaha bhI nizcaya thA ki isa jAMcake lie bhAratavarSa meM bhI Ama logoMse caMdA na karanA caahie| aisA karanese isa jAMcako rASTrIya aura rAjanaitika svarUpa prApta ho jaataa| baMbaIse mitroMne 15000) sahAyatA bhejanekA tAra diyA; para unakI sahAyatA maiMne sadhanyavAda asvIkAra kara dii| yaha socA thA ki caMpAranake bAharase, paraMtu bihArake hI haisiyatadAra aura sukhI logoMse hI bRjakizorabAbUkA maMDala jitanI sahAyatA prApta kara sake utanI le lUM aura zeSa rakama maiM DAkTara prANajIvanase maMgA lU / DAkTara mehatAne likhA ki jitanI AvazyakatA ho maMgA liijiegaa| isase hama rupaye-paiseke bAremeM nizcita ho ge| garIbIke sAtha bharasaka kama kharca karake yaha AMdolana calAnA thaa| isalie bahuta rupayoMkI AvazyakatA na thii| aura darahakIkata jarUrata par3I bhI nhiiN| merA khayAla hai ki saba milAkara do-tIna hajArase jyAdA kharca na huA hogaa| aura mujhe yAda hai ki jitanA rupayA ikaTThA kiyA thA usameMse bhI pAMcasau yA hajAra baca gayA thaa| zurUmeM vahAM hamArI rahana-sahana bar3I vicitra thii| aura mere lie to vaha roja haMsI-majAkakA viSaya ho gaI thii| isa vakIla-maMDalameM harekake pAsa eka naukara rasoiyA hotA / harekakI alaga rasoI bntii| rAtake bAraha baje taka bhI ve loga khAnA khAte / ye mahAzaya kharca vagairA to saba apanA hI karate the; phira bhI mere lie yaha rahana-sahana eka Aphata thii| apane ina sAthiyoMke pAsa merI sneha-gAMTha aisI majabUta ho gaI thI ki hamAre daramiyAna kabhI galata-phahamI na hone pAtI thii| mere zabda-vANoMko ve premase jhelte| aMtako yaha taya pAyA ki naukaroMko chuTTI de dI jAya, saba eka-sAtha khAnA khAveM aura bhojanake niyamoMkA pAlana kreN| usameM sabhI nirAmiSAhArI na the aura taraha-tarahakI alaga rasoI banAnekA iMtajAma karanese kharca bar3hatA thaa| isase yahI nizcaya kiyA gayA ki nirAmiSa bhojana hI pakAyA jAya aura eka hI jagaha sabakI rasoI banAI jAya / bhojana bhI sAdA hI rakhanepara jora diyA jAtA thaa| isase kharca bahuta kama par3A, hama logoMke kAma karane kI sAmarthya bar3hI, aura samaya bhI baca gyaa| hameM adhika zakti bacAnekI AvazyakatA bhI thI, kyoMki kisAnoMke

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adhyAya 16 : kArya-paddhati 425 jhuMDa ke jhuMDa apanI kahAnI likhAneke lie Ane lage the| eka-eka kahAnI likhanevAleke sAtha eka bhIr3a-sI rahatI thI / isase makAnakA caugAna bhara jAtA thA / mujhe darzanAbhilASiyoMse bacAne ke lie sAthI loga bahuta prayatna karate; paraMtu ve niSphala ho jAte / eka nizcita samaya para darzana dene ke lie mujhe bAhara lAnepara hI piMDa chUTatA thA | kahAnI-lekhaka hamezA pAMca-sAta rahate the / phira bhI zAmataka sabake bayAna pUre na ho pAte the / yoM itane saba logoMke bayAnoMkI jarUrata nahIM thI; phira bhI unake likha lene se logoMko saMtoSa ho jAtA thA aura mujhe unake manobhAvoMkA patA laga jAtA thA / "" kahAnI - lekhakoMko kucha niyama pAlana karane par3ate the / ve yethe -- "pratyeka kisAna se jiraha karanI cAhie / jirahameM jo gira jAya usakA bayAna na likhA jAya / jisakI bAta zurUse hI kamajora pAI jAya vaha na likhI jAya / ina niyamoMke pAlanase yadyapi kucha samaya adhika jAtA thA phira bhI usase sacce aura sAbita hone lAyaka bayAna hI likhe jAte the / jaba ye bayAna likhe jAte to khuphiyA pulisa ke koI-na-koI karmacArI vahAM maujUda rahate / ina karmacAriyoMko hama roka sakate the; paraMtu hamane zurUse yaha nizcaya kiyA thA ki unheM na rokA jAya / yahI nahIM balki unake prati saujanya rakkhA jAya aura jo khabareM unheM dI jA sakatI hoM dI jaayN| jo bayAna liye jAte unako ve dekhate aura sunate the / isase lAbha yaha huA ki logoM meM adhika nirbhayatA zrA gii| aura bayAna unake sAmane liye jAnese pratyuktikA bhaya kama rahatA thA / isa Darase ki jhUTha boleMge to pulisavAle phaMsA deMge, unheM soca-samajhakara bolanA par3atA thA / maiM fred mAlikoM ko cir3hAnA nahIM cAhatA thA; balki apane saujanya se unheM jItane kA prayatna karatA thA / isalie jinake bAremeM vizeSa zikAyateM hotIM, unheM maiM ciTThI likhatA aura milane kI koziza bhI karatA / unake maMDala se bhI maiM milA thA aura raiyyatakI zikAyateM unake sAmane peza kI thIM aura unakA kahanA bhI suna liyA thaa| unameM se kitane to merA tiraskAra karate the, kitane hI udAsIna the aura bAja-bAja saujanya bhI dikhAte the /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 sAthI bRjakizorabAbU aura rAjeMdrabAbUkI jor3I advitIya thii| unhoMne premase mujhe aisA apaMga banA diyA thA ki unake binA maiM eka kadama bhI Age na rakha sakatA thaa| unake ziSya kahie, yA sAthI kahie, zambhUbAbU, anugrahabAbU, dharaNIbAbU aura rAmanavamIbAbU-ye vakIla prAyaH niraMtara sAtha-sAtha hI rahate the| viMdhyAbAbU aura janakadhArIbAbU bhI samaya-samayapara rahate the| yaha to huA bihArI-saMgha / inakA mukhya kAma thA logoMke bayAna likhnaa| isameM adhyApaka kRpalAnI bhalA binA zAmila hue kaise raha sakate the ? siMdhI hote hue bhI vaha bihArIse bhI adhika bihArI ho gaye the| maiMne aise thor3e sevakoMko dekhA hai jo jisa prAMtameM jAte haiM vahIMke logoMmeM dUdha-zakkarakI taraha ghula-mila jAte haiM, aura kisIko yaha nahIM mAlUma hone dete ki yaha gaira prAMtake haiN| kRpalAnI inameM eka haiN| unake jimme mukhya kAma thA dvArapAla kA; darzana karanevAloMse mujhe bacA lenemeM hI unhoMne usa samaya apane jIvanakI sArthakatA mAna lI thii| kisIko haMsI-dillagIse aura kisI ko ahiMsaka dhamakI dekara vaha mere pAsa Anese rokate the| rAtako apanI adhyApakI zurU karate aura tamAma sAthiyoMko haMsA mArate aura yadi koI Darapoka AdamI vahAM pahuMca jAtA to usakA hausalA bar3hAte / . , maulAnA majaharulahakane mere sahAyakake rUpameM apanA haka likhavA rakkhA thA aura mahInemeM eka-do bAra Akara mujhase mila jAyA karate / usa samayake unake ThATa-bATa aura zAnameM tathA AjakI sAdagImeM jamIna-AsamAnakA aMtara hai| vaha hama logoMmeM Akara apane hRdayako to milA jAte, paraMtu apane sAhabI ThATa-bATake kAraNa bAharake logoMko vaha hamase bhinna mAlUma hote the| " jyoM-jyoM meM anubhava prApta karatA gayA tyoM-tyoM mujhe mAlUma huA ki yadi caMpAranameM ThIka-ThIka kAma karanA ho to gAMvoMmeM zikSAkA praveza honA caahie| vahAM logoMkA ajJAna dayAjanaka thaa| gAMvameM lar3ake-bacce idhara-udhara bhaTakate phirate the, yA mAM-bApa unheM do-tIna paise rojakI majadUrIpara dina-bhara nIlake

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adhyAya 17 : sAthI 427 khetoMmeM majadUrI karAte / isa samaya mardIko dasa - paisese jyAdA majadUrI nahIM milatI thI / striyoM ko chaH paisA, aura baccoM ko tIna / jisa kisIko cAra AnA majadUrI mila jAtI, vaha bhAgyavAn samajhA jAtA thA / apane sAthiyoMke sAtha vicAra karake pahale to chaH gAMvoM meM baccoMke lie pAThazAlA kholane kA vicAra huaa| zarta yaha thI ki una gAMvoMke aguA makAna aura zikSakake khAnekA kharca deM aura dUsare kharcakA iMtajAma hama loga kara deM / yahAM ke gAMvoM meM rupaye-paise kI bahutAyata nahIM thI; paraMtu loga anAja vagairA de sakate the, isalie ve anAja dene ko taiyAra ho gaye / aba yaha eka mahAprazna thA ki zikSaka kahAM se lAveM ? bihArameM thor3A vetana lene vAle yA kucha na lenevAle acche zikSakoMkA milanA kaThina thA / merA khayAla yaha thA ki baccoMkI zikSAkA bhAra mAmUlI zikSakako na denA cAhie / zikSakako pustaka-jJAna cAhe kama ho; paraMtu usameM caritra bala avazya honA cAhie / isa kAma ke lie maiMne Amataurapara svayaMsevaka maaNge| usake javAba meM gaMgAdhararAva dezapAMDene bAvAsAhaba somaNa aura puMDalIkako bhejA / baMbaI se avaMtikAbAI gokhale IM / dakSiNase zrAnaMdIbAI A giiN| maiMne choTelAla, sureMdranAtha tathA apane lar3ake deva dAsako bulA liyA / inhIM dinoM mahAdeva desAI narahari parIkha mujhase mile / mahAdeva desAIkI patnI durgAbahana tathA narahari parIkI patnI maNibahana bhI A pahuMcIM / kastUrabAIko bhI maiMne bulA liyA thA / zikSakoM aura zikSikAoM kA yaha saMgha kAphI thA / zrImatI avaMtikAbAI aura AnaMdIbAI to par3hI-likhI samajhI jA sakatI thIM; paraMtu maNibahana parIkha aura durgAvana desAI thor3I-bahuta gujarAtI jAnatI thIM; kastUrabAIko to nahIMke barAbara hiMdI kA jJAna thA / aba savAla yaha thA ki ye bahaneM bAlakoMko hiMdI par3hAveMgI kisa taraha ? bahanoM ko maiMne dalIleM dekara samajhAyA ki bAlakoMko vyAkaraNa nahIM balki rahana-sahana sikhAnA hai / par3hane-likhanekI apekSA, unheM saphAIke niyama sikhAne kI jarUrata hai| hiMdI, gujarAtI aura marAThImeM koI bhArI bheda nahIM hai, yaha bhI unheM batAyA aura samajhAyA ki zurUmeM to sirpha ginatI aura varNamAlA sikhAnI hogI / isalie dikkata na AyagI / isakA phala yaha huA ki bahanoMkI par3hAIkA kAma

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428 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 bahuta acchI taraha cala nikalA aura unakA Atma-vizvAsa bar3hA / unheM apane kAmameM rasa bhI Ane lagA / avaMtikAbAIkI pAThazAlA Adarza bana gii| unhoMne apanI pAThazAlAmeM jIvana DAla diyaa| vaha isa kAmako jAnatI bhI khUba thiiN| ina bahanoMkI mArphata dehAtake strI-samAjameM bhI hamArA praveza ho gayA thA / paraMtu mujhe par3hAItaka hI na ruka jAnA thaa| gAMvoMmeM gaMdagI behada thii| rAstoM aura galiyoMmeM kUr3e aura kaMkarakA Dhera, kutroMke pAsa kIcar3a aura badabU, prAMgana itane gaMde ki dekhA na jAtA thaa| bar3e-bUr3hoMko saphAI sikhAnekI jarUrata thii| caMpAranake loga bImAriyoMke zikAra dikhAI par3ate the| isalie jahAMtaka ho sake unakA sudhAra karane aura isa taraha logoMke jIvanake pratyeka vibhAgameM praveza karanekI icchA thii| isa kAmameM DAkTarakI sahAyatAkI jarUrata thii| isalie maiMne gokhalekI samitise DAkTara devako bhejanekA anurodha kiyaa| unake sAtha merA sneha to pahale hI ho cukA thaa| chaH mahIneke lie unakI sevAkA lAbha milaa| yaha taya huA ki unakI dekha-rekhameM zikSaka aura zikSikA sudhArakA kAma kreN| inake sabake sAtha yAha bAta taya pAI thI ki inameMse koI bhI nilahoMke zikAyatoMke jhagar3e meM na pdd'eN| rAjanaitika bAtoMko na chueN| jo zikAyata lAveM unako sIdhA mere pAsa bheja deN| koI bhI apane kSetra aura kAmako chor3akara eka kadama idhara-udhara na hoN| caMpAranake mere ina sAthiyoMkA niyama pAlana adbhuta thaa| mujhe aisA koI avasara yAda nahIM AtA ki jaba kisIne bhI niyamoM va hidAyatoMkA ullaMghana kiyA ho / 18 grAma-praveza bahuta karake hara pAThazAlAmeM eka puruSa aura eka strIkI yojanA kI thii| unhIMkI mArphata davA aura sudhArake kAma karanekA nizcaya kiyA thaa| striyoMke dvArA strI-samAjameM praveza karanA thaa| davAkA kAma bahuta AsAna kara diyA thaa| aMDIkA tela, kunaina aura marahama--- itanI cIjeM hara pAThazAlAmeM rakkhI gaI thiiN|

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adhyAya 18: grAma-praveza 429 jIbha mailI dikhAI de aura kabjakI zikAyata ho to aMDIkA tela pilA denA, bukhArakI zikAyata ho to aMDIkA tela pilAne ke bAda kunaina pilA denA aura phor3ephusI hoM to unheM dhokara marahama lagA denA, basa itanA hI kAma thaa| khAnekI davA yA pilAnekI davA kisIko ghara le jAne ke lie zAyada hI dI jAtI thii| koI aisI bImArI ho jo samajhameM nahIM AI ho yA jisameM kucha jokhima ho, to DA0 devako dikhA liyA jaataa| DA0 deva niyamita samayapara jagaha-jagaha jaate| isa sAdI suvidhAse loga ThIka-ThIka lAbha uThAte the| Amataurapara phailI huI bImAriyoMkI saMkhyA kama hI hotI hai aura unake lie bar3e vizAradoMkI jarUrata nahIM hotii| yaha bAta agara dhyAnameM rakkhI jAya to pUrvokta yojanA kisIko hAsyajanaka na mAlUma hogii| vahAMke logoMko to nahIM mAlUma huI / paraMtu sudhAra-kAma kaThina thaa| loga gaMdagI dUra karaneke lie taiyAra nahIM hote the| apane hAthase mailA sApha karaneke lie ve loga bhI taiyAra na hote the, jo roja khetapara majadUrI karate the; paraMtu DA0 deva jhaTa nirAza honevAle jIva nahIM the| unhoMne khuda tathA svayaM-sevakoMne milakara eka gAMdake rAste sApha kiye, logoMke prAMganase kar3A-karakaTa nikAlA, kueMke AsapAsake gar3he bhare, kIcar3a nikAlI aura gAMvake logoMko premapUrvaka samajhAte rahe ki isa kAmake lie svayaM-sevaka do| kahIM logoMne zarama khAkara kAma karanA zurU bhI kiyA aura kahIM-kahIM to logoMne merI moTarake lie rAstA bhI khuda hI ThIka kara diyaa| ina mIThe anubhavoMke sAtha hI logoMkI lAparavAhIke kaDue anubhava bhI milate jAte the| mujhe yAda hai ki yaha sudhArakI bAta sunakara kitanI hI jagaha logoMke manameM aruci bhI paidA huI thii| . isa jagaha eka anubhavakA varNana karanA anucita na hogA, hAlAMki usakA jikra maiMne striyoMkI kitanI hI sabhAtroMmeM kiyA hai| bhItiharavA nAmaka eka choTA-sA gAMva hai| usake pAsa usase bhI choTA eka gAMva hai| vahAM kitanI hI bahanoMke kapar3e bahuta maile dikhAI diye| maiMne kastUrabAIse kahA ki inako kapar3e dhone aura badalane ke lie smjhaayo| usane unase bAtacIta kI to eka bahana use apane jhoMpar3emeM le gaI aura bolI ki "dekho, yahAM koI saMdUka yA AlamArI nahIM ki jisameM koI kapar3e rakkhe hoN| mere pAsa sirpha yaha eka hI dhotI hai, jise maiM pahane huuN| aba maiM isako kisa taraha dhoU ? mahAtmAjIse kaho ki hameM kapar3e

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430 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 dilAveM to maiM roja nahAne aura kapar3e dhone aura badalane ke lie taiyAra huuN|" aise jhoMpar3e hiMdustAna meM ine-gine nahIM haiM / asaMkhya jhoMpar3e aise mileMge jinameM sAjasAmAna, saMdUka -piTArA, kapar3e-latte nahIM hote aura asaMkhya loga unhIM kapar3oMpara apanI jiMdagI nikAlate haiM jo ve pahane hote haiM / eka dUsarA anubhava bhI likhane lAyaka hai| caMpAranameM bAMsa aura ghAsakI kamI nahIM hai / logoMne bhI bhItiharavAmeM pAThazAlAkA jo chappara bAMsa aura ghAsakA banAyA thA, kisIne eka rAtako use jalA DAlA / zaka gayA Asa-pAsa ke nilahe logoMke zrAdamiyoMpara | dubArA ghAsa aura bAMsakA makAna banAnA ThIka na mAlUma huA / yaha pAThazAlA zrI somaNa aura kastUrabAIke jimme thI / zrI somaNane IMTakA pakkA makAna banAne kA nizcaya kiyA aura vaha khuda usake banAne meM laga gaye / dUsaroM para bhI usakA raMga car3hA aura dekhate-dekhate IMToMkA makAna khar3A ho gayA aura phira makAnake jalanekA Dara na rahA / isa taraha pAThazAlA, svacchatA, sudhAra aura davAke kAmoMse logoM meM svayaMsevakoM ke prati vizvAsa aura Adara bar3hA aura unake manapara acchA asara huA / paraMtu mujhe duHkha ke sAtha kahanA par3atA hai ki isa kAmako kAyama karane kI merI murAda banAI / jo svayaM sevaka mile the ve khAsa samaya taka ke lie mile the / dUsare naye svayaMsevaka milane meM kaThinAiyAM peza AIM aura bihArase isa kAma ke lie yogya sthAyI sevaka na mila ske| mujhe bhI caMpAranakA kAma khatama honeke bAda dUsarA kAma jo taiyAra ho rahA thA, ghasITa le gayA / itanA hote hue bhI chaH mAsa ke kAmane itanI jar3a jamA lI ki eka nahIM to dUsare rUpameM usakA asara Ajataka kAyama hai / 16 ujjvala pakSa eka tarapha to pichale adhyAya meM varNana kiye anusAra samAja sevA ke kAma cala rahe the aura dUsarI ora logoMke duHkhakI kathAyeM likhate rahanekA kAma dina

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adhyAya 16 : ujjvala pakSa "dina bar3hatA jA rahA thaa| jaba hajAroM logoMkI kahAniyAM likhI gaIM to bhalA isakA asara hue binA kaise raha sakatA thA ? mere mukAmapara logoMkI jyoM-jyoM Amadaraphta bar3hatI gaI tyoM-tyoM nilahe logoMkA krodha bhI bar3hatA claa| merI jAMca baMda karAnekI kozizeM unakI orase dina-dina adhikAdhika hone lgiiN| eka dina mujhe bihAra sarakArakA patra milA, jisakA bhAvArtha yaha thA, "ApakI jAMcameM kAphI dina laga gaye haiM aura Apako aba apanA kAma khatama karake vihAra chor3a denA caahie|" patra yadyapi saujanyase yukta thA; paraMtu usakA artha spaSTa thA / maiMne likhA-- "jAMcameM to abhI aura dina lageMge, aura jAMcake bAda bhI jabataka logoMkA duHkha dUra na hogA merA irAdA vihAra chor3anekA nahIM hai / " merI jAMca baMda karanekA eka hI acchA ilAja sarakArake pAsa thaa| logoMkI zikAyatoMko saca mAnakara unheM dUra karanA athavA unakI zikAyatoMpara dhyAna dekara apanI taraphase eka jAMca-samiti niyukta kara denA / gavarnara sara eDavarDa geTane mujhe bulAyA aura kahA ki maiM jAMca-samiti niyukta karaneke lie taiyAra hUM aura usakA sadasya bananeke lie unhoMne mujhe nimantraNa diyaa| dUsare sadasyoMke nAma dekhakara aura apane sAthiyoMse salAha karake isa zartapara maiMne sadasya honA svIkAra kiyA ki mujhe apane sAthiyoMke sAtha salAha-mazavirA karanekI chuTTI rahanI cAhie aura sarakArako samajha lenA cAhie ki sadasya bana jAnese kisAnoMkA himAyatI rahanekA merA adhikAra nahIM jAtA rahegA, evaM jAMca hone ke bAda yadi mujhe saMtoSa na ho to kisAnoMkI rahanumAI karane kI merI svataMtratA jAtI na rahe / sara eDavarDa geTane ina zartoMko vAjiba samajhakara maMjUra kiyaa| svargIya sara pheka slAI usake adhyakSa banAye gye| jAMca-samitine kisAnoMkI tamAma zikAyatoMko saccA batAyA aura yaha siphAriza kI ki nilahe loga anucita rItise pAye rupayoMkA kucha bhAga vApasa deM aura 'tIna kaThiyA' kA kAyadA rada kiyA jAya / ___ isa riporTa ke sAMgopAMga taiyAra hone meM aura aMtako kAnUna pAsa karAne meM sara eDavarDa geTakA bar3A hAtha thaa| vaha yadi majabUta na rahe hote aura pUrI-pUrI kuzalatAse kAma na liyA hotA to jo riporTa eka matase likhI gaI, vaha nahIM

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432 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 likhI jA sakatI thI aura aMtako jo kAnUna banA vaha na bana paataa| nilahoMkI sattA bahuta prabala thii| riporTa ho jAne ke bAda bhI kitanoMne bilakA virodha kiyA thA, paraMtu sara eDavarDa geTa aMtataka dRr3ha rahe aura samitikI siphArizoMkA pUrA-pUrA pAlana unhoMne karAyA / / __isa taraha sau varSakA purAnA yaha tIna kaThiyA' kAnUna rada huA aura usake sAtha hI nilahoMkA rAjya bhI asta ho gayA / raiyatane, jo dabI huI thI, apane balako kucha pahacAnA aura usakA yaha vahama dUra hogayA ki nIlakA dAga to dhoye nahIM dhultaa| merI icchA thI ki caMpAranameM jo racanAtmaka kArya AraMbha huA hai use jArI rakhakara logoMmeM kucha varSoM taka kAma kiyA jAya aura adhika pAThazAlAeM kholakara adhika gAMvoMmeM praveza kiyA jAya / kSetra to taiyAra thA; paraMtu mere manasUbe Izvarane bahuta bAra pAra nahIM par3ane diye haiM / maiMne socA thA eka aura daivane mujhe dUsare hI kAmameM le ghasITA / 20 majadUroMse saMbaMdha abhI maiM caMpAranameM jAMca-samitikA kAma khatama kara hI rahA thA ki itane meM kher3Ase mohanalAla paMDyA aura zaMkaralAla parIkhakA patra milA ki kher3A jilemeM phasala naSTa ho gaI hai aura usakA lagAna mApha honA jarUrI hai| Apa Aie aura vahAM calakara logoMko rAha dikhaaie| vahAM jAkara jabataka maiM khuda jAMca na karalUM, tabataka kucha salAha denekI icchA mujhe na thI aura na aisI sAmarthya aura sAhasa hI thaa| dUsarI ora zrImatI anasUyA bahanakI ciTThI unake 'majUra-saMgha' ke saMbaMdhameM milI / majadUroMkA vetana kama thA / bahuta dinoMse unakI mAMga thI ki vetana bar3hAyA jAya / isa saMbaMdhameM unakA patha-pradarzana karane kA utsAha mujhe thaa| yaha kAma yoM to choTA-sA thA; paraMtu maiM use dUra baiThakara nahIM kara sakatA thaa| isase maiM turaMta ahamadAbAda phuNcaa| maiMne socA to yaha thA ki donoM kAmoMkI

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adhyAya 20 : majadUroMse saMbaMdha 433 jAMca karake thor3e hI samaya meM caMpArana lauTa AUMgA aura vahAMke racanAtmaka kAmako saMbhAla lUMgA / paraMtu ahamadAbAda pahuMcane ke bAda aise kAma nikala Aye ki maiM bahuta samaya taka caMpArana na jA sakA aura jo pAThazAlAyeM vahAM calatI thIM ve ekake bAda eka TUTa gaIM / sAthiyoMne aura maiMne jo kitane hI havAI kile bAMdha rakkhe the, ve kucha samaya ke lie TUTa gaye / caMpAranameM grAma-pAThazAlA aura grAma-sudhArake alAvA gorakSAkA kAma bhI maiMne apane hAthameM le liyA thA / apane bhramaNameM maiM yaha bAta dekha cukA thA ki gozAlA aura hiMdI-pracArake kAmakA ThekA mAravAr3I bhAiyoMne le liyA hai / betiyA meM eka mAravAr3I sajjana ne apanI dharmazAlA meM mujhe prazraya diyA thA / betiyAke mAravAr3I sajjanoMne mujhe unakI gozAlAkI ora AkRSTa kiyA thA / gorakSAke saMbaMdha meM jo vicAra mere grAja haiM vahI usa samaya bana cuke the / gorakSAkA artha hai vRddhi, gojAtikA sudhAra, bailase maryAdita kAma lenA, gozAlAko pradarza dugdhAlaya banAnA, ityAdi / isa kAma meM mAravAr3I bhAiyoMne pUrI madada dene kA vacana diyA thA; paraMtu maiM caMpAranameM jamakara nahIM baiTha skaa| isalie vaha kAma adhUrA hI raha gayA / betiyA meM gozAlA to Aja bhI cala rahI hai; paraMtu vaha pradarza dugdhAlaya nahIM bana skii| caMpArana meM bailoMse grAja bhI jyAdA kAma liyA jAtA hai / hiMdU- nAmadhArI aba bhI bailoMko nirdayatA se pITate haiM aura isa taraha apane dharmako Dubote haiM / yaha aphasosa mujhe hamezA ke lie raha gayA hai / maiM jaba-jaba caMpArana jAtA hUM taba taba una adhUre rahe kAmoMko smaraNa karake eka laMbI sAMsa chor3atA hUM aura unheM adhUrA chor3a deneke lie mAravAr3I bhAiyoM aura bihAriyoMkA mIThA ulAhanA sunatA hUM / pAThazAlAoMkA kAma to eka nahIM dUsarI rItise dUsarI jagaha cala rahA hai; paraMtu go-sevA kAryakrama kI to jar3a hI nahIM jamI thI; isalie use Avazyaka dizAmeM gati nahIM mila sakI / ahamadAbAdameM kher3Ake kAmake lie salAha-mazavarA cala rahA thA ki itanemeM majadUroMkA kAma maiMne apane hAthameM le liyA / isameM merI sthiti bar3I nAjuka thii| majadUroMkA pakSa mujhe majabUta mAlUma

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Atma-kathA: bhAga 5 haa| zrImatI anasUyA bahanako apane sage bhAIke sAtha lar3anekA prasaMga AgayA thaa| majUroM aura mAlikoMke isa dAruNa yuddha meM zrI aMbAlAla sArAbhAIne mukhya bhAga liyA thaa| mila-mAlikoMke sAtha merA mIThA saMbaMdha thaa| unake sAtha lar3anA mere lie viSama kAma thaa| maiMne unase ApasameM bAtacIta karake anurodha kiyA ki paMca banAkara majadUroMkI mAMgakA phaisalA kara lIjie; paraMtu mAlikoMne apane aura majadUroMke bIca meM paMcakI madhyasthatAke aucityako pasaMda na kiyaa| - taba majadUroMko maiMne har3atAla kara denekI salAha dii| yaha salAha deneke pahale maiMne majadUroM aura unake netAoM se kAphI pahacAna aura bAtacIta kara lI thii| unheM maiMne har3atAlakI nIce likhI zarte samajhAI (1) kisI hAlatameM zAMti bhaMga na karanA / (2) jo kAmapara jAnA cAheM unake sAtha kisI kismakI jyAdatI yA javaradastI na karanA / (3) majadUra bhikSAnna na khAveM / (4) har3atAla cAhe jabataka karanA par3e, para ve dRr3ha raheM aura jaba rupayA-paisA na rahe to dUsarI majadUrI karake peTa pAleM / / __ agunA loga ina zartoko samajha gaye aura unheM ye pasaMda bhI aaiiN| aba majadUroMne eka grAma sabhA kI aura usameM prastAva kiyA ki jabataka hamArI mAMga svIkAra na kI jAya athavA usapara vicAra karane ke lie paMca na mukarrara hoM tabataka hama kAma para na jAyeMge / . isa har3atAla meM merA paricaya zrI vallabhabhAI paTela aura zrI zaMkaralAla baiMkarase bahuta acchI taraha ho gyaa| zrImatI anasUyA bahanase to merA paricaya pahale hI khUba ho cukA thA / har3atAliyoMkI sabhA roja sAvaramatIke kinAre eka per3ake nIce hone lgii| ve saikar3oMkI saMkhyAmeM aate| maiM roja unheM apanI pratijJAkA smaraNa kraataa| zAMti rakhane aura sva-mAnakI rakSA karanekI AvazyakatA unheM samajhAtA / ve apanA 'eka Teka'kA jhaMDA lekara roja zaharameM jalUsa nikAlate aura sabhAmeM Ate / yaha har3atAla 21 dina clii| isa bIca meM samaya-samayapara mAlikoMse

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adhyAya 21 : AzramakI jhAMkI 435 bAtacIta karatA aura unheM iMsApha karaneke lie samajhAtA / " hameM bhI to apanI Teka rakhanI hai / hamArA aura majadUroMkA vApa-beToMkA saMbaMdha hai / .... usake bIca yadi koI par3anA cAhe to ise hama kaise sahana kara sakate haiM ? vApa-beToMmeM paMcakI kyA jarUrata hai ? yaha javAba mujhe milatA / "1 21 zramakI jhAMkI majadUra - prakaraNako Age le calane ke pahale zrAzramakI eka jhalaka dekha lene kI AvazyakatA hai | caMpAranameM rahate hue bhI maiM Azramako bhUla nahIM sakatA thA / kabhI-kabhI vahAM A bhI jAtA thA / kocara ahamadAbAda ke pAsa eka choTA-sA gAMva hai / zrAzramakA sthAna isI gAMva meM thA / kocarabameM plega zurU huA / bAlakoMko maiM bastI ke bhItara surakSita nahIM rakha sakatA thA / svacchatAke niyamoMkA pAlana cAhe lAkha kareM, magara Asa-pAsa kI gaMdagI se Azramako achUtA rakhanA asaMbhava thA / kocarabake logoMse svacchatA ke niyamoM kA pAlana karavAnekI prathavA aise samaya meM unakI sevA karane kI zakti hamameM na thI / hamArA Adarza to Azramako zahara yA gAMvase dUra rakhanA thA, hAlAMki itanA dUra nahIM ki vahAM jAne meM bahuta muzkila par3e / zrAzramako prAzrama ke rUpameM suzobhita honeke pahale use apanI jamInapara khulI jagahameM sthira to ho hI jAnA thA / isa mahAmArIko maiMne kocaraba chor3anekA noTisa mAnA / zrI puMjAbhAI hIrAcaMda Azrama ke sAtha bahuta nikaTa saMbaMdha rakhate aura AzramakI choTI-bar3I sevAyeM nirabhimAnaM bhAvase karate the / unheM ahamadAvAda ke kAma-kAjakA bahuta anubhava thaa| unhoMne Azrama ke lAyaka Avazyaka jamIna turaMta hI DhUMr3ha denekA uThAyA | kocarabake uttara-dakSiNakA bhAga meM unake sAtha ghUma gayA / phira maiM unase kahA ki uttarakI ora tIna-cAra mIla dUrapara agara jamInakA Tukar3A mile to khojie / ava jahAMpara grAzrama hai, vaha jamIna unhIMkI DhUMDhI huI hai /

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 mere lie vaha khAsa pralobhana thA ki vaha jamIna jelake nikaTa hai| maiMne yaha mAnA hai ki satyAgrahAzrama vAsIke bhAgyameM jela to likhA hI hai, jelakA paDausa pasaMda pdd'aa| itanA to maiM jAnatA thA ki hamezA jelake lie vaisA hI sthAna DhaMr3hA jAtA hai, jisake Asa-pAsakI jagaha sApha-sutharI ho / koI ATha dinoMmeM hI jamInakA saudA ho gyaa| jamInapara makAna eka bhI na thaa| na koI jhAr3a-per3a hI thaa| usake lie sabase bar3I siphAriza to yaha thI ki vaha ekAMta aura nadIke kinAre para hai / zurUmeM hamane taMbUmeM rahanekA nizcaya kiyaa| rasoIke lie TInakA eka kAma-calAU chappara banA liyA aura socA ki sthAyI makAna dhIre-dhIre banA leMge / isa samaya AzramameM kAphI AdamI the| choTe-bar3e koI cAlIsa strIpuruSa the| itanI suvidhA thI ki saba eka hI rasoImeM khAte the| yojanAkI kalpanA merI thI, use amalameM lAnekA bhAra uThAnevAle to niyamAnusAra sva. maganalAla hI the| ___ sthAyI makAna bananeke pahale asuvidhAkA to koI pAra hI na thaa| barasAtakA mausama sirapara thaa| sArA sAmAna cAra mIla dUra zaharase lAnA thaa| isa ujAr3a jamInameM sAMpa vagairA to the hI / aise ujAr3a sthAnameM bAlakoMko saMbhAlanekI jokhima aisI-vaisI nahIM thii| sAMpa vagairAko mArate na the; magara unake bhayase mukta to hamameM se koI na thA, Aja bhI nahIM hai / hiMsaka jIvoMko na mAraneke niyamakA yathAzakti pAlana phiniksa, TaoNlasTAya-phArma aura sAbaramatI--tInoM jagahoM meM kiyA hai| tInoM jagahoMmeM ujAr3a jaMgala meM rahanA par3A hai| tInoM jagahoMmeM sAMpa vagairA kA upadrava khUba hI thA; magara to bhI abataka eka bhI jAna hameM khonI nahIM par3I hai| isameM mere-jaisA zraddhAlu to IzvarakA hAtha, usakI kRpA hI dekhatA hai| aisI nirrathaka zaMkA koI na kare ki Izvara pakSapAta nahIM karatA, manuSyake rojake kAmameM hAtha DAlaneko vaha bekAra nahIM baiThA hai / anubhavakI dUsarI bhASAmeM isa bhAvako rakhanA maiM nahIM jaantaa| IzvarakI kRtiko laukika bhASAmeM rakhate hue bhI maiM jAnatA hUM ki usakA 'kArya' avarNanIya hai; kiMtu agara pAmara manuSya usakA varNana kare to usake pAsa to apanI totalI bolI hI hogii| Ama taura para sAMpako na mArate hue bhI vahAMkA

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adhyAya 22 upavAsa 437 samAja jaba pacIsa varSa taka bacA rahA to ise saMyoga yA Akasmika ghaTanA mAnaneke badale Izvara-kRpA mAnanA vahama ho to, yaha vahama bhI apanAne lAyaka hai / jisa samaya majadUroM kI har3atAla huI usa samaya AzramakA pAyA cunA jA rahA thaa| AzramakI pradhAna pravRtti bunAI kI thii| katAIkI to maiM abhI khoja hI nahIM kara sakA thaa| isalie nizcaya thA ki pahale bunAI-ghara banAyA jAya / isa samaya usakI nIMva DAlI jA rahI thii| upavAsa majadUroMne pahale do haphte bar3I himmata dikhalAI / zAMti bhI khUba rakkhI rojakI sabhAtroMmeM bhI ve bar3I saMkhyAmeM Ate the / maiM unheM roja hI pratijJAkA smaraNa karAtA thaa| ve roja pukAra-pukAra kara kahate the, " hama mara jAyaMge, para apanI Teka kabhI na chor3eMge / " ___ kiMtu aMtameM ve DhIle par3ane lage / aura jaise ki nirbala aAdamI hiMsaka hotA hai, vaise hI, ve nirbala par3ate hI milameM jAnevAle majadUroMse dveSa karane lage aura mujhe Dara lagA ki zAyada kahIM unapara ye balAtkAra na kara baitthe| rojakI sabhAmeM AdamiyoMkI hAjirI kama huii| jo Ate bhI unake ceharoMpara udAsI chAI huI thii| mujhe khabara milI ki majadUra Digane lage haiN| maiM taradudameM par3A / maiM socane lagA ki aise samayameM merA kyA karttavya ho sakatA hai / dakSiNa aphrIkAke majadUroM kI har3atAlakA anubhava mujhe thA, magara yaha anubhava mere lie nayA thA / jipa pratijJA karAnemeM merI preraNA thI, jisakA sAkSI maiM roja hI banatA thA, vaha pratijJA kaise TUTe ? yaha vicAra yA to abhimAna kahA jA sakatA hai, yA majadUroMke aura satyake prati prema samajhA jA sakatA hai / ___ saverekA samaya thaa| maiM sabhAmeM thaa| mujhe kucha patA nahIM thA ki kyA karanA hai, magara sabhAmeM hI mere muMhase nikala gayA- "agara majadUra phirase taiyAra na ho jAyaM aura javataka koI phaisalA na ho jAya tabataka har3atAla na nibhA sakeM, to tabataka maiM upavAsa kruuNgaa|" vahAM para jo majadUra the, ve hairatameM Agaye /

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f 438 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 66 anasUyAbahanakI prAMkhoMse yAMsU nikala par3e / majadUra bola uThe -- Apa nahIM, hama upavAsa kareMge / Apako upavAsa nahIM karane deNge| hameM mApha kIjie / hama apanI Tekapara ar3e raheMge / " maiMne kahA, " tumhAre upavAsa karane kI koI jarUrata nahIM hai / tuma apanI pratijJAkA hI pAlana karo to basa hai / hamAre pAsa dravya nahIM hai| majadUroMko bhikSAna khilAkara hameM har3atAla nahIM karanI hai / tuma kahIM kucha majadUrI karake apanA peTa bharane lAyaka kamA lo to, cAhe har3atAla kitanI hI laMbI kyoM na ho, tuma nizcita raha sakate ho / aura merA upavAsa to kucha-na-kucha phaisaleke pahale chUTanevAlA nahIM hai / 33 vallabhabhAI majadUroMke lie myunisipailiTI meM kAma DhUMDhate the; magara vahAM para kucha milane lAyaka nahIM thA / zrAzramake bunAI - ghara meM bAlU bharanI thI / maganalAlane sujhAyA ki usameM bahuta se majadUroMko kAma diyA jA sakatA hai / majadUra kAma karane ko taiyAra hue| anasUyA bahanane pahalI TokarI uThAI aura nadImeMse bAlUkI TokariyAM uThAkara lAnevAle majadUroMkA ThaTha laga gayA / yaha dRzya dekhane lAyaka thaa| majadUroMmeM nayA jora AyA; unheM paisA cukAne vAle aar - cukAte thaka jAte the / isa upavAsameM eka doSa thA / maiM yaha likha cukA hUM ki mila mAlikoMke sAtha merA mIThA saMbaMdha thA / isalie yaha upavAsa unheM sparza kiye binA raha nahIM sakatA thA / maiM jAnatA thA ki bataura satyAgrahIke unake viruddha maiM upavAsa nahIM kara sktaa| unake Upara jo kucha asara par3e, vaha majadUroMkI har3atAlakA hI par3anA cAhie / merA prAyazcitta unake doSake lie na thA; kiMtu majadUroMke doSa ke lie thA / maiM majadUroMkA pratinidhi thA, isalie inake doSase doSita hotA thA / mAlikoMse to maiM sirpha vinaya hI kara sakatA thA / unake viruddha upavAsa karanA to balAtkAra ginA jAyagA / to bhI maiM jAnatA thA ki mere upavAsakA asara unapara par3e binA nahIM raha sakatA / par3A bhI sahI; kiMtu maiM apane ko roka nahIM sakatA thA / maiMne aisA doSamaya upavAsa karane kA apanA dharma pratyakSa dekhA / mAlikoM maiMne samajhAyA, "mere upavAsase Apako apanA mArga jarA bhI chor3ane kI jarUrata nahIM hai / " unhoMne mujhe kaDue mIThe tAne bhI mAre / unheM

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adhyAya 22 upavAsa 436 isakA adhikAra thA / isa har3atAlake viruddha acala rahane meM seTha aMbAlAla agrasara the| unakI dRr3hatA Azcaryajanaka thii| unakI spaSTa-hRdayatA bhI mujhe utanI hI rucii| unake khilApha lar3anA mujhe priya lgaa| inake-jaise agrasara jahAM virodhI-pakSameM hoM, upavIsake dvArA unapara par3anevAlA burA asara mujhe khaTakA / phira mere Upara unakI patnI saralAdevIkA sagI bahanake samAna sneha thaa| mere upavAsase honevAlI unakI vyagratA mujhase dekhI nahIM jAtI thii| __ mere pahale upacAsameM to anasUyA bahana aura dUsare kaI mitra tathA kucha majadUra zAmila hue| aura adhika upavAsa na karanekI jarUrata maiM unheM muzkilase samajhA skaa| isa taraha cAroM orakA vAtAvaraNa premamaya bana gyaa| milamAlika to kevala dayAkI hI khAtira samajhautA karaneke rAste DhUMr3hane lge| anasUyA bahanake yahAM unakI bAtacIta hone lgii| zrI AnaMdazaMkara dhruva bhI bIca meM pdd'e| aMta meM vaha paMca cune gaye aura har3atAla chuuttii| mujhe tIna hI dina upavAsa karanA pdd'aa| mAlikoMne majadUroMko miThAI bAMTI / ikkIsaveM dina samajhautA huaa| samajhautekA sammelana huaa| usameM mila-mAlika aura uttara vibhAgake kamiznara Aye the| kamiznarane majadUroMko salAha dI thI- "tumheM hamezA mi. gAMdhI kI bAta mAnanI caahie|" inhIM kamiznara sAhabake khilApha isa ghaTanAke kucha dinoM bAda turaMta hI mujhe lar3anA par3A thA ! samaya badalA, isalie vaha bhI badala gae aura kher3Ake pATIdAroMko merI salAha na mAnaneke lie kahane lage / eka majedAra magara utanI hI karuNAjanaka ghaTanAkA bhI yahAM ullekha karanA ucita hai / mAlikoMkI taiyAra karAI miThAI bahuta thI aura savAla yaha ho par3A thA ki hajAroM majadUroMmeM vaha bAMTI kisa taraha jAya? yaha samajhakara ki jisa per3ake AzrayameM majadUroMne pratijJA kI thI vahIMpara bAMTanA ucita hogA, aura dUsarI kisI jagaha hajAroM majadUroMko ikaTThA karanA bhI asuvidhAkI bAta thI, usake AsapAsake khule maidAnameM miThAI bAMTanekI bAta taya pAI thii| maiMne apane bholepanameM mAna liyA ki ikkIsa dinoM taka anuzAsanameM rahe majadUra binA kisI prayatnake hI paMktimeM khar3e hokara miThAI le leMge aura adhIra hokara miThAI para hamalA nahIM kara baiTheMge; kintu maidAnameM bAMTaneke do-tIna tarIke AjamAye

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440 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 aura niSphala hue / do-tIna minaTa ThIka-ThIka cale aura phira baMdhI-baMdhAI paMkti TUTa jaatii| majadUroM ke netAoMne khUba prayatna kiyA, magara ve kucha iMtajAma nahIM kara sake / aMtameM bhIr3a, zoragula aura hamalA aisA huA ki kitanI hI miThAI kucalakara barabAda gaI / maidAna meM bAMTanA baMda karanA par3A aura bacI huI miThAI muzkila se seTha aMbAlAlake mirjApura vAle makAnameM pahuMcAI jA skii| yaha miThAI dUsare dina baMgaleke maidAnameM hI bAMTanI pdd'ii| isameMkA hAsyarasa spaSTa hai / 'eka Teka' vAle per3ake pAsa miThAI bAMTI na jA sakaneke kAraNoMko DhUMr3hanepara hamane dekhA ki miThAI baMTanekI khabara pAkara ahamadAbAdake bhikhArI vahAM A pahuMce the aura unhoMne katAra tor3akara miThAI chInane kI kozizeM kii| yaha karuNa rasa thaa| yaha deza phAke-kazIse aisA pIr3ita hai ki bhikhAriyoMkI saMkhyA bar3hatI hI jAtI hai aura ve khAne-pInekI cIjeM prApta karane ke lie Ama maryAdAko tor3a DAlate haiN| dhanika loga aise bhikhAriyoMke lie kAma DhUMr3ha dene ke badale unheM bhIkha de-dekara pAlate haiM / 23 kher3AmeM satyAgraha majadUroMkI har3atAla pUrI honeke bAda mujhe dama mAranekI bhI phurasata na milI aura kher3A jileke satyAgrahakA kAma uThA lenA pdd'aa| kher3A jilemeM akAlake jaisI sthiti honese vahAMke pATIdAra lagAna mApha karavAneke lie prayatna kara rahe the| isa saMbaMdhameM zrI amRtalAla Thakkarane jAMca karake riporTa bhejI thii| maiMne kucha bhI pakkI salAha dene ke pahale kamiznarase bheMTa kii| zrI mohanalAla paMDyA aura zrI zaMkaralAla parIkha athaka parizrama kara rahe the| sva0 gokuladAsa kahAnadAsa parIkha aura zrI viThThalabhAI paTelake dvArA ve dhArAsabhAmeM halacala karA rahe the| sarakArake pAsa ziSTa maMDala gaye the| ___isa samaya maiM gujarAta-sabhAkA adhyakSa thaa| sabhAne kamiznara aura gavarnarako arjiyAM dI, tAra diye, kamiznarake apamAna sahana kiye ; unakI dhamakiyAM pI gii| usa samaya ke aphasaroMkA robadAba ava to hAsyajanaka lagatA hai / apha

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adhyAya 23 : kher3AmeM satyAgraha 441 saroMkA tabakA bilakula halakA vyavahAra aba to asaMbhava-sA jAna par3atA hai / logoMkI mAMga aisI sApha aura mAmUlI thI ki usake lie lar3AI lar3anekI bhI jarUrata nahIM honI caahie| yaha kAnUna thA ki agara phasala cAra Ane yA usase bhI kama ho to usa sAla lagAna mApha honA cAhie; kiMtu sarakArI aphasaroMkA anumAna cAra Anese adhikakA thaa| logoMkI orase isake sabUta peza kiye gaye ki phasala cAra Ane se kama huI hai / magara sarakAra mAnane hI kyoM lagI ? logoMkI orase paMca banAnekI mAMga huii| sarakArako vaha asahya lgii| jitanI vinaya kI jA sakatI thI utanI kara lene ke bAda, sAthiyoMke sAtha salAha karake, maiMne logoMko satyAgraha karanekI salAha dI / sAthiyoMmeM kher3A jileke sevakoMke alAvA khAsa taurapara zrI vallabhabhAI paTela, zrI zaMkaralAla baiMkara, zrI anasUyAbahana, zrI iMdulAla kanhaiyAlAla yAjJika, zrI mahAdeva desAI vagairA the / vallabhabhAI apanI bar3I aura dinoM-dina bar3hatI huI vakAlatakA tyAga karake Aye the| yaha bhI kahA jA sakatA hai ki usake bAda vaha phira kabhI jamakara vakAlata kara hI nahIM sake / hamane naDiyAda-anAthAzramameM DerA jmaayaa| anAthAzramameM ThaharanemeM koI vizeSatA nahIM thI; kiMtu isake samAna koI dUsarA khAlI makAna naDiyAdameM nahIM thA, jahAM itane adhika AdamI raha skeN| aMtameM nIce likhI pratijJApara hastAkSara liye gaye-- "hama jAnate haiM ki hamAre gAMvameM phasala cAra Ane se bhI kama huI hai| isalie hamane agale sAlataka kara vasUla karanA multavI rakhane kI arjI sarakAra ko dI hai ; magara phira bhI lagAnakI vasUlI baMda nahIM huI hai, isalie hama nIce sahI karanevAle pratijJA karate haiM ki isa sAlakA sarakArakA purAyA bakAyA lagAna adA na kareMge; kiMtu use vasUla karane ke lie sarakAra jo-kucha kAnUnI kArravAI kare use karane deMge aura usase honevAlA kaSTa sheNge| yadi isase hamArI jamIneM jabta hoMgI to vaha bhI hone deMge; kiMtu apane hAthoM lagAna cukAkara, jhUThe vanakara, hama svAbhimAna nahIM khoeNge| agara sarakAra dUsarI kistataka bakAyA lagAna vasUla karanA sabhI jagaha multavI kara de to hamameM jo loga samartha haiM ve pUrA yA bakAyA lagAna cukAneko taiyAra haiN| hamameM jo samartha haiM unake lagAna na denekA kAraNa

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 yaha hai ki agara khuzahAla loga de deM to jo asamartha haiM ve ghabarAhaTameM par3akara apanI cAhe jo vastu becakara yA karja karake lagAna cukAveMge aura duHkha bhogeNge| hama mAnate haiM ki aisI hAlatameM garIboMkA bacAva karanA samarthoMkA dharma hai|" / isa lar3AIke varNanake lie maiM adhika prakaraNa nahIM de sktaa| isalie kitane hI mIThe saMsmaraNa chor3a dene par3eMge / jo isa mahattvapUrNa lar3AIkA vizeSa hAla jAnanA cAheM, unheM zrI zaMkaralAla parIkhakA likhA 'kher3AkI lar3AIkA savistara aura prAmANika itihAsa' par3ha jAnekI merI salAha hai / ' 24 'pyAja-cora' caMpArana hiMdustAnake eka aise kone meM par3A thA aura vahAMkI lar3AIko akhabAroMse isa taraha alaga rakkhA jA sakA thA ki vahAM bAharase dekhanevAle nahIM Ate the| paraMtu kher3AkI lar3AIkI khabara akhabAroM meM chapa cukI thii| gujarAtiyoMkI isa naI cIjameM khUba dilacaspI ho rahI thii| ve dhana luTAneko taiyAra the| yaha bAta turaMta hI unakI samajhameM nahIM AtI thI ki satyAgrahakI lar3AI dhanase nahIM cala sakatI, use dhanakI jarUrata kama-se-kama rahatI hai| manA karane para bhI baMbaIke seThoMne jarUratase adhika dhana diyA thA aura lar3AIke aMtameM usameMse kucha rakama bacI bhI thii| - dUsarI ora satyAgrahI senA ko bhI sAdagIkA nayA pATha sIkhanA bAkI thA / yaha to nahIM kaha sakate ki unhoMne pUrA pATha sIkha liyA thA; kiMtu hAM, apane rahana-sahana meM unhoMne bahuta kucha-sudhAra jarUra kara liyA thA / pATIdAroMke lie bhI isa prakArakI lar3AI naI hI thii| gAMva-gAMvameM ghUmakara usakA rahasya samajhAnA par3atA thaa| yaha samajhAkara logoMkA bhaya dUra karanA mukhya kAma thA ki sarakArI aphasara prajAke mAlika nahIM kiMtu naukara haiM, usake paisese tanakhvAha pAne vAle haiM aura nirbhaya banate hue bhI unheM vinayake pAlana ' yaha pustaka gujarAtI meM hai|-anu0

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adhyAya 24 : 'dhyAja- cora' 443 karane kA DhaMga batalAnA aura gale utAranA lagabhaga azakya-sA hI lagatA thA / aphasaroMkA Dara chor3aneke bAda unake kiye apamAnoMkA badalA lenekI icchA kise na hotI ? magara phira bhI satyAgrahI ke lie avinayI honA to dUdhameM jahara par3aneke samAna hai / pIchese maiMne yaha aura adhika samajhA ki pATIdAra abhI vinayakA pUrA pATha nahIM par3ha sake the / anubhavase dekhatA hUM ki vinaya satyAgrahakA sabase kaThina aMza hai / vinayakA artha yahAM para kevala mAnake sAtha vacana bolanAbhara hI nahIM hai / vinaya hai virodhI ke prati bhI manameM Adara rakhanA, sarala bhAva, usake hitakI icchA aura usI ke anusAra bartAva rakhanA / zurUke dinoMmeM logoM meM khUba himmata dikhAI par3atI thI / zurU-zurU meM sarakArI kArravAiyAM bhI narma hotI thIM; kiMtu jaise-jaise logoMkI dRr3hatA bar3hatI huI jAna par3I, vaise-vaise sarakAra bhI adhika ugra upAya karane lagI / jabtI vAloMne logoM Dhora beca diye. gharameMse manacAhA mAla uThA le gaye / cauthAI juramAneke noTisa nikale / kisI-kisI gAMvakI sArI phasala jabta ho gaI / aba loga ghabarAye / kucha logoMne lagAna de diyaa| dUsare yaha cAhane lage ki agara sarakArI aphasara hI hamArA kucha mAla jabta karake lagAna adA kara leM to hama saste hI chUTeM / para kitane aise bhI nikale, jo marate damataka Tekapara ar3e rahanevAle the / itane hI zaMkaralAla parIkhakI jamInapara rahanevAle unake AdamIne unakA lagAna bhara diyA / isase hAhAkAra ho gayA / zaMkaralAla parIkhane vaha jamIna dezako arpaNa karake apane zrAdamIkI bhUlakA prAyazcitta kiyA / unakI pratiSThA akSata rhii| dUsaroMke lie yaha udAharaNa huA / eka anucita rUpase jabta kiye gaye khetameM pyAja kI phasala taiyAra thI / maiMne Dare hue logoMko utsAha deneke lie mohanalAla paMDyA netRtvameM usa khetakI phasala kATa lene kI salAha dI / merI dRSTimeM usameM kAnUnakA bhaMga nahIM hotA thA / maiMne samajhAyA, agara hotA bhI ho to bhI jarAse lagAna ke lie sArI khar3I phasala kI jabtI kAnUna sammata honepara bhI nIti-viruddha hai aura sarAsara lUTa hai tathA isa taraha kI gaI jabtIkA anAdara karanA dharma hai / aisA karanemeM jela jAne tathA sajA pAne kI jo jokhima thI so logoMko maiMne spaSTa rUpase batalA dI thI / mohanalAla isit to yahI cAhie thA / unheM yaha rucikara nahIM laga rahA thA ki satyAgraha

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 se avirodhI taurapara kisIke jela jAneke pahale hI kher3AkI lar3AI khatma ho jaay| unhoMne isa khetakI pyAja khoda lAnekA bIr3A utthaayaa| sAta-ATha AdamiyoMne unakA sAtha diyA / sarakAra unheM pakar3e binA bhalA kaise rahatI? mohanalAla paMDyA aura unake sAthI pakar3e gye| isase logoMkA utsAha bddh'aa| loga jahAMpara jela ityAdise nirbhaya banate haiM vahAM rAjadaMDa logoMko dabAne ke badale ulaTA bahAdurI detA hai| adAlatameM logoMke jhuMDa mukadamA dekhaneko ikaTThe hone lge| paMDyAko tathA unake sAthiyoMko bahuta thor3e dinoMkI kaida milii| maiM mAnatA hUM ki adAlatakA phaisalA galata thaa| pyAja ukhAr3anekI kArravAI corIkI kAnUnI vyAkhyAmeM nahIM AtI hai ; kiMtu apIla karanekI ora kisIkI ruci hI nahIM thii| jela jAnevAloMko pahuMcAne ke lie eka jalUsa gayA, aura usa dinase mohanalAla paMDyAne jo 'pyAja-cora' kI sammAnita upAdhi logoMse pAI usakA gaurava unheM Aja taka prApta hai / aba yaha varNana karake ki isa lar3AIkA kaisA aura kisa taraha aMta AyA, yaha kher3A-prakaraNa pUrA karUMgA / . 25 kher3AkI lar3AIkA aMta isa lar3AIkA aMta vicitra rItise huaa| yaha spaSTa thA ki loga thaka gaye the| jo loga pAnapara ar3e the, unheM aMtataka khvAra hone dene meM saMkoca hotA thaa| merA jhukAva isa ora thA ki eka satyAgrahIko jo ucita mAlUma ho sake, aisA koI upAya agara isa yuddhako samApta karanekA mila jAya to vahIM karanA cAhie / so aisA eka akalpita upAya Apa-hI-Apa A bhI gyaa| naDiyAda tAllukeke mAmalatadAra (tahasIladAra) ne khabara bhejI ki agara dhanI pATIdAra lagAna adA kara deM to garIboMkA lagAna multavI rhegaa| maiMne isa viSayameM taharIrI hukma maaNgaa| yaha mila bhI gyaa| mAmalatadAra to apane hI tAllukekI jimmedArI le sakatA hai| sAre jilekI porase kalekTara hI kaha sakatA hai| isalie maiMne

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adhyAya 25 : kher3AkI lar3AIkA aMta 445 kalekTarase puuchaa| javAba milA ki aisA hukma to kabakA nikala cukA hai| mujhe usakI khabara na thI; kiMtu agara aisA hukma nikalA ho to logoMkI pratijJA pUrI huI samajhanI caahie| pratijJAmeM yahI bAta thii| isalie isa hukmase hamane saMtoSa mAnA / phira bhI isa aMtase hamameMse koI khuza na ho sakA ; kyoMki satyAgrahakI lar3AIke pIche jo miThAsa honI cAhie so isameM nahIM thii| kalekTara samajhatA thA maiMne mAno kucha nayA kiyA hI nahIM hai / garIba logoMko chUTa denekI bAta thI, magara ye bhI zAyada hI bace / yaha kahanekA adhikAra ki garIba kauna hai, prajA nahIM AjamA skii| mujhe isa bAtakA duHkha thA ki prajAmeM yaha zakti nahIM raha gaI thii| isalie satyAgrahake aMtakA utsava to manAyA gayA, magara mujhe vaha nisteja lgaa| ___ satyAgrahakA zuddha aMta vaha samajhA jA sakatA hai ki jaba AraMbhakI banisbata aMtameM prajAmeM adhika teja aura zakti dikhAI de| kiMtu aisA mujhe nahIM dikhAI diyA / aisA honepara bhI lar3AIke jo adRzya pariNAma Aye, unakA lAbha to Aja bhI dekhA jA sakatA hai aura mila bhI rahA hai / kher3AkI lar3AIse gujarAta ke kisAna-vargakI jAgratikA, usake rAjanaitika zikSaNakA AraMbha huA / viduSI basaMtIdevI (enI beseMTa) kI 'homarUla' kI pratibhAzAlI halacalane usako sparza avazya kiyA thA; kiMtu kisAnake jIvanameM zikSita-vargakA, svayaMsevakoMkA, saccA praveza huA to isI lar3AIse kahA jA sakatA hai / sevaka pATIdAroMke jIvana meM prota-prota ho gaye the / svayaM-sevakoMko apane kSetrakI maryAdA isa lar3AImeM mAlUma huI, unakI tyAga-zakti bddh'ii| vallabhabhAIne apane-Apako isa lar3AImeM phcaanaa| agara aura kucha nahIM to eka yahI pariNAma kucha aisA-vaisA nahIM thaa| yaha hama pichale sAla bAr3ha-saMkaTa nivAraNake samaya aura isa sAla bAraDolI meM dekha cuke haiN| gujarAtake prajA-jIvanameM nayA teja AyA, nayA utsAha bhara gyaa| pATIdAroMko apanI zaktikA bhAna huA, jo kabhI nahIM mittaa| sabane samajhA ki prajAkI muktikA AdhAra khuda usIke Upara hai, usIkI tyAga-zaktipara hai| satyAgrahane kher3Ake dvArA gujarAtameM jar3a jmaaii| isalie hAlAMki lar3AIke aMtase maiM saMtuSTa na ho sakA, magara kher3AkI prajAko to utsAha hI milA; kyoMki

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 usane dekha liyA ki hamArI zaktike anupAtase hameM adhika milA hai aura pAgeke lie rAjanaitika kaSToMke nivAraNakA eka mArga hameM mila gayA hai, unake utsAhake lie itanA jJAna kAphI thA / kiMtu kher3AkI prajA satyAgrahakA svarUpa pUrA nahIM samajha sakI thI, isalie use kaise kaDue anubhava hue so hama Age calakara dekheMge / aikyake prayatna jisa samaya kher3AkA AMdolana jArI thA, usI samaya yUropakA mahAsamara bhI cala rahA thA / usake silasilemeM vAisarAyane dillI meM netAoMko bulavAyA thaa| mujhe bhI usameM hAjira rahanekA Agraha kiyA thaa| maiM yaha pahale hI likha cukA haM ki lArDa cemsaphorDake sAtha merA maitrI-saMbaMdha thA / maiMne AmaMtraNa maMz2ara kiyA aura dillI gayA; kiMtu isa sabhAmeM zAmila hone meM mujhe eka saMkoca thaa| isakA makhya kAraNa yaha thA ki usameM alI bhAiyoM, lokamAnya tathA dUsare netAoMko nahIM bulAyA gayA thaa| usa samaya alI bhAI jelameM the| unase maiM eka-do bAra hI milA thA, sunA unake bAremeM bahuta-kucha thaa| unake sevAbhAva aura bahAdurIkI stuti sabhI koI kiyA karate the| hakIma sAhabake sAtha bhI merA paricaya nahIM huA thaa| sva0 prAcArya rudra aura dInabaMdhu eMDrUjake muMhase unakI bahuta prazaMsA sunI thii| kalakattAvAle muslimalIgake adhivezanameM zveba kurezI aura bairisTara khvAjAse merI mulAkAta huI thii| DAkTara aMsArI aura DAkTara abdurrahamAnase bhI paricaya ho cukA thaa| bhale musalamAnoMkI sohabata meM DhUMr3hatA rahatA thA aura unameM jo pavitra tathA dezabhakta samajhe jAte the, unake saMparkameM Akara unakI bhAvanAyeM jAnanekI mujhe tIvra icchA rahatI thii| isalie mujhe ve apane samAja meM jahAM kahIM le jAte, maiM binA koI khIMca-tAna karAye hI calA jAtA thaa| yaha to maiM dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM hI samajha cukA thA ki hiMdustAnake hindU-musalamAnoMmeM saccA mitrAcAra nahIM hai| donoMke manamuTAvako miTAnekA eka bhI maukA meM yoM hI jAne nahIM detA thaa| jhUThI khuzAmada

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adhyAya 26 : aikyake prayatna 447 karane yA svatva gaMvAkara kisIko khuza karanA maiM jAnatA hI nahIM thA; kiMtu maiM vahIMse yaha bhI samajhatA AyA thA ki merI ahiMsAkI kasauTI aura usakA vizAla prayoga isa aikyake silasilemeM hI honevAlA hai / aba bhI merI yaha rAya kAyama hai| pratikSaNa merI kasauTI Izvara kara rahA hai| merA prayoga Aja bhI jArI hai / ina vicAroMko sAtha lekara maiM baMbaIke baMdarapara utarA thA / isalie ina bhAiyoMkA milApa mujhe acchA lgaa| hamArA sneha bar3hatA thaa| hamArA paricaya hone ke bAda turaMta hI sarakArane alIbhAiyoMko jIte-jI hI dafana kara diyA thaa| maulAnA muhamadaalIko jaba-jaba ijAjata milatI, vaha mujhe baitUlajelase yA chiMdavAr3A jelase laMbe-laMbe patra likhA karate the| maiMne unase milane jAnekI prArthanA sarakArase kI magara usakI ijAjata na milI / ___ alI bhAiyoMke jela jAneke bAda kalakattA muslima-lIgakI sabhAmeM mujhe musalamAna bhAI le gaye the| vahAM mujhase bolaneke lie kahA gayA thaa| maiM bolA / alI bhAiyoMko chur3AnekA dharma musalamAnoMko samajhAyA / / isake bAda ve mujhe alIgar3ha-kaoNlejameM bhI le gaye the / vahAM maiMne musalamAnoMko dezake lie phakIrI lenekA nyotA diyA thA / alI bhAiyoMko chur3Ane ke lie maiMne sarakArake sAtha patra-vyavahAra claayaa| isa silasilemeM ina bhAiyoMkI khilAphata-saMbaMdhI halacalakA adhyayana kiyaa| musalamAnoMke sAtha carcA kii| mujhe lagA ki agara maiM musalamAnoMkA saccA mitra bananA cAhUM to mujhe alI bhAiyoMko chur3AnemeM aura khilAphatakA prazna nyAyapUrvaka hala karane meM pUrI madada karanI caahie| khilAphatakA prazna mere lie sahala thaa| usake svataMtra guNa-doSa to mujhe dekhane bhI nahIM the| mujhe aisA lagA ki usa saMbaMdhameM musalamAnoM kI mAMga nIti-viruddha na ho to mujhe usameM madada denI caahie| dharmake praznameM zraddhA sarvopari hotI hai| sabakI zraddhA eka hI vastuke bAremeM eka hI sI hoto phira jagatmeM eka hI dharma ho sakatA hai| khilAphatasaMbaMdhI mAMga mujhe nIti-viruddha nahIM jAna pdd'ii| itanA hI nahIM, balki yahI mAMga iMglaiMDake pradhAnamaMtrI lAiDa jArjane svIkAra kI thI, isalie mujhe to unase apane vacanakA pAlana karAne bharakA hI prayatna karanA thaa| vacana aise spaSTa zabdoMmeM the ki maryAdita guNadoSakI parIkSA mujhe mahaja apanI antarAtmAko prasanna karanekI

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448 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 hI khAtira karanI thii| khilAphatake praznameM maiMne musalamAnoMkA jo sAtha diyA, usake viSayameM mitroM aura TIkAkAroMne mujhe khUba kharI-khoTI sunAI hai| isa sabakA vicAra karanepara bhI maiMne jo rAya kAyama kI, jo madada dI yA dilAI, usake lie mujhe jarA bhI pazcAttApa nahIM hai / na usameM kucha sudhAra hI karanA hai / pIja bhI aisA prazna yadi uTha khar3A ho to, mujhe lagatA hai, merA AcaraNa usI prakArakA hogaa| isa tarahake vicArako liye hue maiM dillI gyaa| musalamAnoMkI isa zikAyatake bAre meM mujhe vAisarAyase carcA karanI hI thii| khilAphatake praznane abhI apanA pUrNa rUpa nahIM dhAraNa kiyA thA / dillI pahuMcate hI dInabaMdhu eMDrUjane eka naitika prazna lA khar3A kiyaa| isa arasemeM iTalI aura iMglaiMDake bIca gupta-saMdhi-viSayaka carcA aMgrejI akhabAroM meM aaii| dInabaMdhune mujhase usake saMbaMdhameM bAta kI aura kahA, "agara aisI gupta saMdhiyAM iMglaiMDane kisI sarakArake sAtha kI hoM to phira Apa isasabhAmeM kaise zAmila ho kara madada de sakate haiM ? " maiM isa saMdhike bAremeM kucha nahIM jAnatA thaa| dInabaMdhukA zabda mere lie basa thaa| isa kAraNako peza karake maiMne lArDa cemsaphorDako likhA ki mujhe sabhAmeM Anese una hai / unhoMne mujhe carcA karaneke lie bulaayaa| unake sAtha aura phira mi0 maiphIke sAtha merI laMbI carcA huii| isakA aMta yaha huA ki maiMne sabhAmeM jAnA svIkAra kara liyaa| saMkSepameM vAisarAyakI dalIla yaha thI-- "Apa kucha yaha to nahIM mAnate ki briTiza maMtrimaMDala jo kucha kare, vAisarAyako usakI khabara honI cAhie ? maiM yaha dAvA nahIM karatA ki briTiza sarakAra kisI dina bhUla karatI hI nhiiN| yaha dAvA maiM hI kyA, koI nahIM karatA, magara Apa yadi yaha kabUla kareM ki usakA astitva' saMsArake lie lAbhakArI hai, usake kAraNa isa dezako kula milAkara lAbha hI pahuMcA hai, to yA phira Apa yaha nahIM kabUla kareMge ki usakI Apattike samaya use madada pahuMcAnA hareka nAgarikakA dharma hai / gupta-saMdhi ke saMbaMdhameM Apane akhabAroMmeM jo dekhA hai, so maiMne bhI par3hA hai| maiM Apako vizvAsa dilA sakatA hUM ki isase adhika kucha bhI nahIM jaantaa| yaha bhI to Apa jAnate hI haiM ki akhabAroMmeM kaisI gappeM AtI haiN| to kyA Apa akhabAroMmeM chapI eka niMdaka bAtase aise samayameM saltanatako chor3a sakate haiM ? lar3AI

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adhyAya 27 : raMgarUToMkI bharatI 446 khatama honeke bAda Apako jitane nItike prazna uThAne hoM, Apa uThA sakate haiM, aura jitanI chAnabIna karanI ho, kara sakate haiN|" yaha dalIla naI na thI; paraMtu jisa avasarapara jisa prakAra vaha rakkhI gaI, usase mujhe naI-sI jAna par3I aura maine sabhAmeM jAnA maMjUra kara liyA / yaha nizcita huA ki khilAphatake bAremeM vAisarAyako patra likhakara bhejUM / 27 raMgarUToMkI bharatI sabhAmeM maiM hAjira huaa| vAisarAyakI tIvra icchA thI ki maiM sainya bharatIke prastAvakA samarthana kruuN| maiMne hiMdustAnImeM bolanekI prArthanA kii| vAisarAyane yaha svIkAra kara lI; magara sAtha hI aMgrejImeM bhI bolanekA anurodha kiyaa| mujhe bhASaNa to denA thA hI nhiiN| maiM itanA hI bolA-- "mujhe apanI jimmedArIkA pUrA bhAna hai aura usa jimmedArIko samajhate hue maiM isa prastAvakA samarthana karatA huuN|" hiMdustAnI meM bolaneke lie mujhe bahutoMne dhanyavAda diyaa| ve kahate the ki vAisarAyakI sabhAmeM hiMdustAnI bolanekA isa jamAne meM yaha pahalA hI dRSTAMta thA / yaha dhanyavAda aura pahalA hI dRSTAMta honekI khabara mujhe akhrii| maiM zaramAyA / apane hI dezameM deza-saMbaMdhI kAmakI sabhAmeM, dezI bhASAkA bahiSkAra yA usakI avagaNanA honA kitane duHkhakI bAta hai ? aura mujha jaisA koI zakhsa yadi hiMdustAnI meM eka yA do vAkya bola hI de to use dhanyavAda kisa bAta kA ? aise prasaMga hameM apanI girI huI dazAkA bhAna karAte haiN| saMbhAmeM jo vAkya maiMne kahe the unameM mere lie to bahuta vajana thA; kyoMki yaha sabhA yA yaha samarthana aise na the, jinheM maiM bhUla skuu| apanI eka jimmedArI to mujhe dillI meM hI khatma kara lenI thii| vAisarAyako patra likhanekA kAma mujhe AsAna nahIM lNgaa| sabhAmeM jAnekI apanI AnAkAnI, usake kAraNa, bhaviSyakI AzAeM vagairAkA khulAsA, apane lie sarakArake lie, aura prajAke lie, karanekI AvazyakatA mujhe jAna par3atI thii| maiMne vAisarAyako patra likhA / usameM lokamAnya tilaka, alI bhAI 26

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450 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 yadi netAoMkI gairahAjirI ke bAremeM apanA kheda prakaTa kiyA, logoMkI rAjanaitika mAMgoM aura lar3AI se utpanna musalamAnoMkI mAMgoM kA ullekha kiyA / yaha patra chApane kI ijAjata maiMne vAisarAya se mAMgI, jo unhoMne khuzI se de dI / yaha patra zimalA bhejanA thA, kyoMki sabhA khatma hote hI vAisarAya zimalA cale gaye the / vahAM DAkase patra bhejane meM DhIla hotI thI / mere manameM patra mahattvapUrNa thA / samaya bacAne kI jarUrata thI / cAhe jisake hAtha se bhejane kI icchA nahIM hotI thii| mujhe aisA lagA ki agara yaha patra kisI pavitra prAdamI ke hAthase jAya to bar3A acchA hai / dInabaMdhu aura suzIla rudrane revareMDa AyalaiMDa mahAzayakA nAma sujhaayaa| unhoMne yaha maMjUra kiyA ki patra par3hane para agara zuddha lagegA to le jAUMgA / patra khAnagI to thA hI nahIM / unhoMne par3hA, vaha unheM pasaMda AyA aura use le jAneko rAjI ho gaye | maiMne dUsare darjekA rela-bhAr3A denekI vyavasthA kI; kiMtu unhoMne use lenese inkAra kara diyA aura rAtakA saphara honepara bhI iMTarakA hI TikaTa liyA / unakI isa sAdagI, saralatA, spaSTatApara maiM mohita ho gayA / isa prakAra pavitra hAthoM bheje gaye patrakA pariNAma merI dRSTise acchA hI huA / usase merA mArga sApha ho gayA / 1 merI dUsarI jimmedArI raMgarUTa bharatI karanekI thI / maiM yaha yAcanA kher3AmeM na karUM to aura kahAM karatA ? apane sAthiyoMko agara pahale nyautA na dU N to aura kise dU N ? kher3A pahuMcate hI vallabhabhAI vagairAke sAtha salAha kI / kitanoM hI gale yaha ghUMTa turata na utrii| jinheM yaha bAta pasaMda bhI par3I, unheM 'kArya kI saphalatA ke bAremeM saMdeha huaa| phira jisa vargameMse yaha bharatI karanI thI, usake manameM isa sarakArake prati kucha bhI prema na thA / sarakAra ke aphasaroMke dvArA hue kaDue anubhava abhI unake dimAgameM tAje hI the / to bhI kAryAraMbha karaneke pakSameM sabhI ho gaye / kAryakA AraMbha karate hI merI AMkheM khula gaI / merA AzAvAda bhI kucha DhIlA par3A / kher3AkI lar3AImeM loga khuza ho kara muphta meM gAr3I dete the, jahAM eka svayaMsevakakI jarUrata hotI vahAM tIna-cAra mila jAte the / aba paisA denepara bhI gAr3I durlabha ho gaI / kiMtu isa taraha maiM koI nirAza honevAlA jIva nahIM thA / gAr3I ke badale paidala hI saphara karanekA nizcaya kiyA / roja bIsa mIlakI maMjila teM karanI thii| jaba gAr3I

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adhyAya 27 : raMgarUToMkI bharatI 451 hI nahIM milatI thI to khAnA kahAMse milatA ? mAMganA bhI ucita nahIM jAna par3atA thA / isalie yaha nizcaya kiyA ki pratyeka svayaMsevaka apane bhojanakA sAmAna apane jholemeM lekara hI bAhara nikale / mausama garmIkA thA / isalie r3hanekA kucha sAmAna sAtha rakhanekI jarUrata nahIM thI / jisa-jisa gAMva meM hama jAte, vahAM sabhA karate / loga Ate to magara bharatI ke lie nAma muzkila se eka yA do hI milate / 'Apa ahiMsAvAdI hokara hameM hathiyAra lene ke lie kyoM kahate haiM ? sarakArane hiMdustAnakA kaunasA bhalA kiyA hai jo Apa use madada denepara jora dete haiM ? ' isa tarahake aneka savAla hamAre sAmane peza kiye jAte the / aisA honepara bhI hamAre satata kAmakA asara logoMpara hone lagA thA / nAma bhI yoM ThIka saMkhyA meM likhe jAne lage aura hama mAnane lage ki agara pahalI Tukar3I nikala par3e to dUsarI ke lie rAstA sApha ho jaaygaa| kamiznarake sAtha maiMne yaha carcA zurU kara dI thI ki jo raMgarUTa bharatI ho jAyaM unheM kahAM rakhanA cAhie, ityAdi / dillI ke namUnepara kamiznara loga jagaha-jagaha sabhAeM karane lage the| vaisI sabhA gujarAta meM bhI huii| usameM mujhe aura mere sAthiyoMko bhI Ane kA AmaMtraNa thA / yahAM bhI maiM gayA thaa| kiMtu agara dillI meM merA jAnA kama zobhatA jAna par3A thA to yahAM aura bhI kama lgaa| 'jI hAM' 'jI hAM' ke vAtAvaraNa meM mujhe caina nahIM par3atA thaa| yahAM maiM jarA jyAdA bolA thA / mere bolane meM khuzAmada jaisA to thA nahIM, balki do-eka kaDue vacana bhI the / raMgarUToMkI bharatI ke saMbaMdha meM maiMne patrikA chApI thI / usameM bharatI honeke nimaMtraNa meM eka dalIla dI thI, jo kamiznarako khaTakI thI / usakA sAra yaha thA -- "briTiza rAjyake aneka apakRtyoMmeM sArI janatAko zastra - rahita karaneke kAnUnakA itihAsa usakA sabase kAlA kAma mAnA jAyagA / yadi yaha kAnUna radda karAnA ho aura zastra calAnA sIkhanA ho to usake lie yaha suvarNa yoga hai / rAjakI isa Apatti samaya meM madhyamavarga yadi svecchA se madada karegA to isase pArasparika avizvAsa dUra hogA aura jo zastra dhAraNa karanA cAhate haiM ve khuzI se unheM rakha sakeMge / " isako lakSya karake kamiznarako kahanA par3A thA ki unake aura mere bIca matabheda hote hue bhI sabhAmeM merI hAjirI unheM priya thii| mujhe bhI apane

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452 Atma-kathA: bhAga 5 matakA samarthana jahAM taka ho sakA, mIThe zabdoMmeM karanA par3A thA / pahale jisa patrakA ullekha kiyA gayA hai usakA sArAMza isa prakAra hai-- ___"sabhAmeM upasthita honeke lie maiM hicakicA rahA thA, paraMtu Apase mulAkAta karane ke bAda merI hicakicAhaTa dUra ho gaI hai| aura usakA eka kAraNa yaha avazya hai ki Apake prati mujhe bahuta Adara hai / na Aneke kAraNoM meM eka majabUta kAraNa yaha thA ki usameM lokamAnya tilaka, zrImatI beseMTa aura alIbhAiyoM ko nimaMtraNa nahIM diyA gayA thaa| inheM maiM janatAke bar3e hI zaktizAlI netA mAnatA huuN| maiM to yaha mAnatA hUM ki unako nimaMtraNa na bhejakara sarakArane bar3I gaM pIra bhUla kI hai| maiM aba bhI yaha sujhAnA cAhatA hUM ki jaba prAMtIya sabhAeM kI jAyaM taba unheM avazya nimaMtraNa bhejA jAya / merI nAkisa rAyameM cAhe kaisA hI matabheda kyoM na ho, koI bhI saltanata aise praur3ha netAoMkI avagaNanA nahIM kara sktii| isI kAraNa maiM sabhAko kameTiyoM meM zAmila na ho sakA aura sabhAmeM prastAvakA samarthana karake saMtuSTa ho gayA / sarakArane yadi mere sujhAva svIkRta kara liye to maiM turaMta hI isa kAmameM laga jAneko AzA rakhatA huuN| "jisa saltanatameM hama bhaviSya meM saMpUrNa hissedAra bananekI AzA karate haiM, usako ApattikAlameM pUrI madada karanA hamArA dharma hai| paraMtu mujhe yaha kahanA cAhie ki usake sAtha hameM yaha AzA bhI rahI hai ki isa madadake kAraNa hama apane dhyeyataka jaldI pahuMca skeNge| isalie logoMko yaha mAnanekA adhikAra hai ki jina sudhAroMko denekI AzA Apane apane bhASaNameM dikhalAI hai unameM kAMgresa aura muslima lIgako mukhya-mukhya mAMgoMkA bhI samAveza hogaa| agara mujhase bana par3atA to maiM aise samayameM homarUla vagairAkA uccAra taka na karatA aura sAmrAjyake aise nAjuka samayapara tamAma zaktizAlI bhAratIyoMko usakI rakSA cupacApa kurabAna ho jAne ke lie khtaa| itanA karanese hI hama sAmrAjyake bar3e-bar3e aura sammAnanIya hissedAra bana jAte aura raMga-bheda aura deza-bheda dUra ho jaataa|

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adhyAya 27 : raMgarUToMkI bharatI 453 . "paraMtu zikSita varNane isase kama kAragara rAstA akhtiyAra kiyA hai| jana-samAjameM usakI pahuMca bahuta hai| maiM jabase hiMdustAna meM AyA hUM tabhI janasamAjake gAr3ha paricaya AtA rahA hUM aura maiM Apako yaha kahanA cAhatA hUM ki unameM homarUla prApta karanekA utsAha paidA ho gayA hai| binA homarUlake prajAko kabhI saMtoSa na hogaa| ve yaha samajhate haiM ki homarUla prApta karanake lie jitanA bhI tyAga kiyA jA sake kama hI hogaa| isalie yadyapi sAmrAjya ke lie jitane bhI svayaMsevaka diye jA sakeM dene cAhieM, kiMtu maiM Arthika madada ke lie yaha nahIM kaha sakatA huuN| logoMko hAlatako jAnakara maiM yaha kaha sakatA hUM ki hiMdustAna abataka jitanI madada kara cukA hai vaha bhI usakI zaktise adhika hai| paraMtu maiM itanA avazya samajhatA hUM ki jinhoMne sabhA prastAvakA samarthana kiyA unhoMne isa kAryameM prANAMta taka madada karanekA nizcaya kiyA hai| paraMtu hamArI sthiti muzkila hai| hama koI dUkAnake hissedAra nhiiN| hamArI sadadako nIMva bhaviSyako AzApara sthita hai; aura vaha AzA kyA hai, yaha yahAM vizeSa rUpase kahanA caahie| maiM koI saudA karanA nahIM caahtaa| phira bhI mujhe itanA to yahAM avazya kahanA cAhie ki yadi isameM hameM nirAza honA par3A to sAmrAjya ke bAre meM Aja-taka hamArI jo dhAraNA hai vaha kevala mana samajhI jaaygii| ___ Apane aMdarUnI jhagar3e bhUla jAnekI jo bAta kahI hai usakA artha yadi yaha ho ki julma aura adhikAriyoMke apakRtya sahana kareM to yaha asaMbhava hai| saMgaThita julmake sAmane apanI sArI zakti lagA denA maiM apanA dharma samajhatA huuN| isalie Apa adhikAriyoMko hidAyata deM ki ve kisI bhI jIvako avahelanA na kareM aura pahale kabhI jitanA lokamatakA Adara nahIM kiyA utanA aba kreN| caMpAranameM sadiyoMke jalmakA virodhakara maiMne briTiza nyAyakA sarvazreSTha honA pramANita kara diyA hai / kher3AkI raiyatane yaha dekha liyA hai ki jaba usameM satyake lie kaSTa sahana karanekI zakti hai taba saccI zakti rAjya nahIM, balki lokamata hai| aura isalie jisa saltanatako prajA zApa de rahI thI usake prati aba

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44 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 kaTutA kucha kama ho gaI hai aura jisa rAjyasattAne savinaya kAnUnaga sahana kara liyA hai vaha lokamatakA sarvathA anAdara nahIM karegI, aisA unako vizvAsa ho gayA hai / isalie maiM yaha mAnatA hUM ki caMpArana aura kher3AmeM maiMne jo kArya kiyA hai vaha lar3AIke saMbaMdha meM merI sevA hI hai / fe Apa mujhe isa prakArakA kArya baMda karanako kaheMge to maiM yahI samajhaMgA . ki Apa mujhe apane zvAsako hI roka deneke lie kahate haiM / yadi zastra ke sthAna meM mujhe Atmabala arthAt premabalako lokapriya banAne meM saphalatA mile to maiM yaha jAnatA hUM ki hiMdustAnapara sAre fast tyorI car3ha jAya to bhI vaha usakA sAmanA kara sakegA / isalie hara samaya kaSTa sahana karanekI isa sanAtana rItiko apane jIvanameM utAraneke lie maiM apanI AmAko kasatA rahUMgA aura dUsaroMko bhI isa nItiko aMgIkAra karane ke lie kahatA rahUMgA / aura yadi maiM koI aura kAma karatA bhI hUM to vaha isI nItiko advitIya uttamatA siddha karaneke lie hI / " aMta meM Apase vinatI karatA hUM ki Apa musalamAna rAjyoMke bAreme nizcita vizvAsa dilAnekI preraNA briTiza pradhAnamaMDalako kareM / Apa jAnate haiM ki isa viSaya meM pratyeka musalamAnako ciMtA banI rahatI hai / eka hiMdU hokara maiM unakI isa ciMtAke prati lAparavAha nahIM raha sakatA huuN| unakA duHkha to hamArA hI duHkha hai / musalamAnI rAjyake hakoMkI rakSA karanemeM, unake dharmasthAnoMke viSayameM unake bhAvoMkA Adara karanemeM aura hiMdustAnakI homarUlakI mAMga svIkAra karanemeM arrant sAmI hai / maiMne yaha patra isalie likhA hai ki maiM aMgrejoMko cAhatA hUM aura aMgrejoMmeM jaisI vaphAdArI hai, vaisI hI maiM pratyeka bhAratIyameM jAgrata karanA cAhatA hU~ / "

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adhyAya 28 : mRtyu zaiyyApara 455 28 mRtyu- zaiyyA para raMgarUToMkI bharatI karanemeM merA zarIra kAphI thaka gayA / una dinoM kele ityAdi kucha phala, bhunI huI mUMgaphalI ko kUTakara usameM gur3a milA use dotIna nIMbU pAnI ke sAtha liyA karatA thA / basa, yahI merA bhojana thA / maiM yaha jAnatA to thA ki adhika mUMgaphalI apathya karatI hai, phira bhI vaha adhika khAne meM A gaI / isase jarA peciza ho gaI / mujhe bAra-vAra zrAzrama to zrAnA par3atA thA / maiMne isa pecizakI adhika paravA nahIM kI / rAtako Azrama pahuMcA / una dinoM meM davA to zAyada hI kabhI letA thA / mujhe vizvAsa thA ki eka bArakA khAnA baMda kara dUMgA to tabiyata ThIka ho jaaygii| dUsare dina subaha kucha nahIM khAyA / isase darda to lagabhaga miTa gayA / para maiM jAnatA thA ki mujhe upavAsa aura karanA cAhie, athavA yadi kucha khAnA hI ho to phalakA rasa jaisI koI cIja lenI cAhie / usa dina koI tyauhAra thA / mujhe smaraNa hai ki maiMne kastUrabAIse kaha diyA thA ki dopahara ko bhI maiM bhojana nahIM karUMgA / para usane mujhe lalacAyA aura maiM bhI lAlaca meM A gayA / usa samaya meM kisI bhI pazukA dUdha nahIM pItA thA / isalie ghI aura maTThA bhI mere lie tyAjya hI thA / ataH mere lie telameM gehUMkA daliyA banAyA gayA / vaha aura sAbata mUMga bhI mere lie khAsa taurapara rakkhe hue haiM, aisA mujhase kahA gayA / basa, svAdane mujhe phaMsA liyaa| phira bhI icchA to yahI thI ki kastUrabAIkI bAta rakhane ke lie thor3A-sA khA lUMgA / isase svAda bhI zrI jAyagA aura zarIrakI rakSA bhI ho jaaygii| para zaitAna to maukekI tAka meM hI baiThA thA / maiMne bhojana zurU kiyA aura thor3A khAneke badale DaTakara peTabhara khA liyA / jAyakA to khUba rahA, para sAtha hI jamarAjako nimaMtraNa bhI de diyA / khAye eka ghaMTA bhI na huA ki peTameM joroMse darda zurU huA / rAtako naDiyAda to vApasa jAnA hI thA / sAbaramatI sTezanataka paidala . gayA / para vaha savA mIlakA rAstA kaTanA muzkila ho gayA / ahamadAbAdake

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456 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 sTezanapara vallabhabhAI pAne vAle the| vaha Aye aura merI takalIphako jAna gaye / para merI vyAdhi asahya thI, yaha na to maiMne unheM jAnane diyA aura na dUsare sAthiyoMse hI kahA / naDiyAda phuNce| yahAMse anAthAzrama jAnA thaa| sirpha Adha mIlakA phAsalA thaa| para vaha dasa mIla-sA mAlUma huaa| bar3I muzkilase vahAM phuNcaa| para maror3A bar3hatA jAtA thaa| paMdraha-paMdraha minaTameM pAkhAnA jAnekI hAjata hone lgii| Akhira meM haaraa| apanI asahya vedanAkA hAla mitroMse kahA aura bistara pkdd'aa| abhItaka AzramakI mAmUlI TaTTiyoMmeM pAkhAneke lie jAtA thaa| aba kamoDa Upara maMgAyA / lajjA to bahuta mAlUma ho rahI thI, para lAcAra thaa| phUlacaMda bApUjI bijalIkI taraha daur3akara kamoDa lAye / sAthI ciMtAtura hokara mere Asa-pAsa ekatra ho ge| unhoMne apane premase mujhe nahalA diyaa| para mere duHkhako Apa uThAkara to becAre halakA kara nahIM sakate the| idhara merI haThakA koI ThikAnA na thA / DAkTarako bulAnese maiMne inkAra kara diyA--"davA to hargija nahIM luuNgaa| apane kiyekA phala bhoguuNgaa|" sAthiyoMne yaha saba dukhI muMhase saha liyaa| caubIsa ghaMTeke aMdara tIsa-cAlIsa bAra maiM TaTTI gyaa| khAnA to maiMne baMda kara hI diyA thaa| zurUke dinoMmeM to phaloMkA rasa bhI nahIM liyA / ruci hI na thii| jisa zarIrako Ajataka maiM pattharake jaisA mAnatA thA, vaha miTTI-sA ho gyaa| sArI zakti jAne kahAM calI gii| DaoN0 kAnUgo aaye| unhoMne davA leneke lie mujhe bahuta smjhaayaa| para maiMne inkAra kara diyA / iMjekzana denekI bAta khii| maiMne isapara bhI inkAra hI kiyaa| iMjekzanake viSayameM merA usa samayakA ajJAna hAsyajanaka thaa| merA yahI khayAla thA ki iMjekzana to kisI prakAra kI lasa- sIrama hogii| bAdameM mujhe mAlUma huA ki DaoNkTarane jo iMjekzana batAyA thA vaha to eka prakArakA vanaspati-tatva thaa| para jaba yaha jJAna huA taba to avasara bIta gayA thaa| TaTTiyAM jArI thiiN| bahuta parizramake kAraNa bukhAra aura behozI bhI A gii| mitra aura bhI ghabarAye / anya DaoNkTara bhI Aye, jo bImAra hI unakI na sune taba usake lie ve kyA kara sakate the ? seTha aMbAlAla aura unakI dharmapatnI naDiyAda aaii| sAthiyoMse salAha

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adhyAya 28 : mRtyu - zaivyApara 457 mazavirA kiyA aura bar3I hiphAjata se mujhe ve apane mirajApuravAle baMgale para le gaye / maiM yaha to jarUra kahUMgA ki isa bImArI meM jo nirmala niSkAma sevA mujhe milI usase adhika sevA to koI nahIM prApta kara sakatA / maMda jvara Ane lagA aura zarIra bhI kSINa hotA claa| mAlUma huA ki bImArI bahuta dinataka calegI aura zAyada meM bistara se bhI na uTha sakUM / aMbAlAla seThake baMgale meM premase ghirA huA honepara bhI mere cittameM prazAMti paidA huI aura maiMne unase mujhe zrAzramameM pahuMcAne ke lie kahA / merA atyaMta prAgraha dekara vaha mujhe Azrama le Aye / Azrama meM yaha pIr3A bhoga rahA thA ki itane meM vallabhabhAI yaha khabara lAye ki jarmanI pUrI taraha hAra gayA aura kamiznarane kahalAyA hai ki aba raMgarUToMkI bharatI karanekI jarUrata nahIM hai / isalie raMgarUToMkI bharatI karanekI ciMtA se maiM mukta ho gayA aura isase mujhe zAMti milii| aba pAnIke upacAroMpara zarIra TikA huA thA / darda calA gayA para zarIra kisI taraha panapa nahIM rahA thA / vaidya aura DAkTara mitra aneka prakArakI salAha dete the / para maiM kisI taraha davA lene ke lie taiyAra na huA / do-tIna mitroMne dUdha lenemeM koI bAdhA ho to mAMsa kA zoravA lenekI siphAriza kI aura apane kathana kI puSTimeM Ayurvedase isa Azaya ke pramANa batAye ki davA bataura mAMsAdi cAhe jisa vastukA sevana karane meM koI hAni nahIM / eka misane aMDe khAne kI salAha dI / para unameM se svIkAra na kara sakA / sabake lie merA to eka hI javAba thA / kisIkI bhI salAhako maiM khAdyAkhAdyakA savAla mere lie mahaja zAstroMke zlokoMpara nirbhara na thA / usakA to mere jIvana ke sAtha svataMtra rItise nirmANa huA thA / hara koI cIja khAkara hara kisI taraha jInekA mujhe jarA bhI lobha na thA / apane putroM, strI aura snehiyoM ke lie maiMne jisa dharmapara amala kiyA usakA tyAga meM apane lie kaise kara sakatA thA / isa taraha isa bahuta laMbI bImArImeM, jo ki gaMbhIratAke khayAlase mere jIvana meM mujhe pahale hI pahala huI thI, mujhe dharma - nirIkSaNa karanekA tathA use kasauTIpara car3hAnekA alabhya lAbha milaa| eka rAta to maiM jIvanase bilkula nirAza ho gayA thA / mujhe mAlUma huA ki aMtakAla A phuNcaa| zrImatI anasUyAbahanako

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458 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 samAcAra bhijvaaye| vaha aaii| vallabhabhAI pAye / DA0 kAnUgone nabja dekhakara kahA, "mujhe to aisA eka bhI cihna nahIM dikhAI detA, jo bhayaMkara ho / nabja bilakula acchI hai, kevala kamajorIke kAraNa yaha mAnasika azAMti Apako hai|" para merA dila gavAhI nahIM detA thaa| rAta to biitii| usa rAta zAyada hI mujhe nIMda AI ho| saverA huaa| mRtyu na aaii| phira bhI mujhe jInekI AzA nahIM ho pAI thii| maiM to yahI samajha rahA thA ki mRtyu najadIka A pahuMcI hai| isalie jahAM taka ho sakA, apane sAthiyoMse gItA sunane hImeM apane samayakA upayoga meM karane lgaa| kucha kAma-kAja karaneko zakti to thI hI nhiiN| par3anekI zakti bhI na raha gaI thii| kisIse vAtataka karane ko jI na cAhatA thaa| jarA-sI bAtacIta karane meM dimAga thaka jAtA thaa| isase jIne meM koI AnaMda nahIM rahA thaa| mahaja jIne ke lie jInA mujhe kabhI pasaMda nahIM thaa| binA kucha kAma-kAja kiye sAthiyoM se sevA lete hue dina-ba-dina kSINa honevAlI deha ko TikAye rakhanA mujhe bar3A kaSTakara pratIta hotA thA / isa taraha mRtyukI rAha dekha rahA thA ki itane meM DA0 talavalakara eka vicitra prANIko lekara aae| vaha mahArASTrIya haiN| unako hiMdustAna nahIM jaantaa| para mere hI jaise 'cakrama' haiM, yaha maiMne unheM dekhate hI jAna liyaa| vaha apanA ilAja mujhapara AjamAneke lie Aye the| baMbaIke greDa meDikala kaoNlejameM par3hate the| para unhoMne dvArakAkI chApa--- upAdhi-- prApta na kI thii| mujhe bAdameM mAlUma huA ki vaha sajjana brahmasamAjI haiN| unakA nAma hai kelakara / bar3e svataMtra mijAjake AdamI haiN| baraphake upacArake bar3e himAyatI haiN| merI bImArI kI bAta sunakara jaba vaha apane baraphake upacAra mujhapara AjamAne ke lie Aye, tavase hamane unheM 'Aisa DAkTara'kI upAdhi de rakkhI hai| apanI rAyake bAremeM vaha bar3e aAgrahIM haiN| DigrIdhArI DAkTaroMkI apekSA unhoMne kaI acche aviSkAra kiye haiM, aisA unheM vizvAsa hai| vaha apanA yaha vizvAsa mujhameM utpanna nahIM kara sake, yaha unake aura mere donoMke lie duHkhakI bAta hai| maiM unake upacAroMko eka hada taka to mAnatA huuN| para merA khayAla hai ki unhoMne kitane hI anumAna bAMdhanemeM kucha jaldabAjI kI hai| unake AviSkAra sacce

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adhyAya 26 : raulaTa-aikTa aura merA dharma-saMkaTaH 459 ho yA galata, maiMne to unheM unake upacAroMkA prayoga apane zarIra para karane diyaa| bAhya upacAroMse acchA honA mujhe pasaMda thaa| phira ye to barapha arthAt pAnIke upacAra the| unhoMne mere sAre zarIrapara barapha malanA zurU kiyaa| yadyapi isakA phala mujhapara utanA nahIM huA, jitanA ki vaha mAnate the, tathApi jo maiM roja mRtyu kI rAha dekhatA par3A rahatA thA so aba nahIM rahA / mujhe jInekI AzA baMdhane lgii| kucha utsAha bhI mAlUma hone lgaa| manake utsAhake sAtha-sAtha zarIrameM bhI kucha tAjagI mAlUma hone lgii| khurAka bhI thor3I bddh'ii| roja pAMca-dasa minaTa Tahalane lgaa| "agara Apa aMDekA rasa piyeM to Apake zarIrama isase bhI adhika zakti pA jAvegI, isakA maiM Apako vizvAsa dilA sakatA huuN| aura aMDA to dUdhake hI samAna nirdoSa vastu hotI hai / vaha mAMsa to hargija nahIM kahA jA sktaa| phira yaha bhI niyama nahIM hai ki pratyeka aMDe meM bacce paidA hote hI hoN| maiM sAbita kara sakatA hUM ki aise nirjIva aMDe seye jAte haiM, jinameMse bacce paidA nahIM hote|" unhoMne kahA / para aise nirjIva aMDe lene ko bhI maiM to rAjI na huA / phira bhI merI gAr3I kucha Age calI aura maiM Asa-pAsa ke kAmoMmeM thor3I bahuta dilacaspI lene lgaa| raulaTa-aikTa aura merA dharma-saMkaTa mAtherAna jAnese zarIra jaldI hI puSTa ho jAyagA, aisI mitroMse salAha pAkara maiM mAtherAna gyaa| paraMtu vahAMkA pAnI bhArI thaa| isalie mujha jaise bImArake lie vahAM rahanA muzkila hI pdd'aa| pecizake kAraNa gudA-dvAra bahuta hI nAjuka par3a gayA thA aura vahAM camar3I phaTa jAnese mala tyAgake samaya bar3A darda hotA thaa| isalie kucha bhI khAte hue Dara lagatA thaa| ataH eka saptAhameM hI mAtherAnase lauTa AyA / aba mere svAsthyakI rakhavAlIkA kAma zrI zaMkaralAlane apane hAthameM le liyaa| unhoMne DA0 dalAlakI salAha lenepara bahuta jora diyaa| DA0 dalAla aaye| unakI tatkAla nirNaya karanekI zaktine mujhe moha liyaa|

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 unhoMne kahA "jabataka Apa dUdha na leMge tabataka ApakA zarIra nahIM panapegA / zarIrakI puSTike lie to Apako dUdha lenA cAhie aura lohe va saMkhiyekI picakArI (iMjekzana) lenI caahie| yadi Apa itanA kareM to maiM ApakA zarIra phirase puSTa karanekI 'gairaMTI' letA huuN|" . "Apa picakArI bhale hI deM, lekina maiM dUdha nahIM luuNgaa|" maiMne javAba diyA / . "ApakI dUdhakI pratijJA kyA hai ? " DAkTarane pUchA / "gAya-bhaisake phUMkA lagAkara dUdha nikAlanekI kriyA kI jAtI hai| yaha jAnanepara mujhe dUdhake prati tiraskAra ho AyA, aura yaha to maiM sadA mAnatA hI thA ki vaha manuSyakI khUrAka nahIM hai, isalie maiMne dUdha chor3a diyA hai / " maiMne kahA / "taba to bakarIkA dUdha liyA jA sakatA hai|" kastUrabAI, jo merI khATake pAsa hI khar3I thIM, bola uThIM / "bakarIkA dUdha leM to merA kAma cala jaaygaa|" DAkTara dalAla bIcameM hI bola uThe / maiM jhukaa| satyAgrahakI lar3AIke mohane mujhameM jIvanakA lobha paidA kara diyA thA aura maiMne pratijJAke akSaroMke pAlanase saMtoSa mAnakara usakI AtmAkA hanana kiyaa| dUdhakI pratijJA lete samaya yadyapi merI dRSTike sAmane gAya-bhaiMsakA hI vicAra thA, phira bhI merI pratijJA dUdhamAtrake lie samajhI jAnI cAhie, aura jabataka maiM pazuke dUdha-mAtrako manuSyako khUrAkake lie niSiddha mAnatA hUM tabataka mujhe use lene kA adhikAra nahIM hai / yaha jAnate hue bhI bakarIkA dUdha leneke lie maiM taiyAra ho gyaa| isa taraha satyake eka pujArIne satyAgrahakI lar3AIkelie jIvita rahanekI icchA rakhakara apane satyako dhabbA lagAyA / mere isa kAryakI vedanA abataka nahIM miTI hai aura bakarIkA dUdha chor3anekI dhuna aba bhI lagI hI rahatI hai / bakarIkA dUdha pIte vakta roja maiM kaSTa anubhava karatA huuN| paraMtu sevA karanekA mahAsUkSma moha jo mere pIche lagA hai, mujhe chor3a nahIM rahA hai / ahiMsA kI dRSTise khUrAkake apane prayoga mujhe bar3e priya haiN| unameM mujhe AnaMda AtA hai aura yahI merA vinoda bhI hai| paraMtu bakarIkA dUdha mujhe isa

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adhyAya 29 : raulaTa aikTa aura merA dharma-saMkaTa 461 dRSTike kAraNa nahIM akhrtaa| vaha to mujhe satyakI dRSTise akharatA hai / ahiMsAko jitanA maiM jAna sakA hUM usake banisbata meM satyako adhika jAnatA hUM, aisA merA khayAla hai / aura yadi maiM satyako chor3a dUM to ahiMsAkI bar3I ulajhaneM maiM kabhI bhI na sulajhA sakUMgA, aisA merA anubhava hai / satyake pAlanakA artha hai liye gae vratoMke zarIra aura AtmAkI rakSA, zabdArtha aura bhAvArthakA pAlana | yahAMpara maiMne grAtmAkA -- bhAvArthakA nAza kiyA hai / yaha mujhe sadA hI akharatA rahatA hai / yaha jAnane para bhI vratake saMbaMdha meM merA kyA dharma hai, maiM yaha nahIM jAna sakA athavA yoM kahie ki mujhameM usake pAlana karane kI himmata nahIM hai / donoM eka hI bAta hai, kyoMki zaMkA mUlameM zraddhAkA prabhAva hotA hai / Izvara, mujhe zraddhA de / bakarIkA dUdha zurU karaneke thor3e dina bAda DA0 dalAlane gudA-dvArameM graoNparezana kiyA aura vaha bahuta kAmayAba sAbita huA / abhI yoM meM bImArIse uThanekI AzA bAMdha hI rahA thA aura akhabAra par3hanA zurU kiyA thA ki itane meM hI raulaTa - kamiTIkI riporTa mere hAtha lagI / usameM jo siphArizeM kI huI thIM unheM dekhakara meM cauMka utthaa| bhAI umara aura zaMkaralAlane kahA ki isake lie to kucha jarUra karanA cAhie / ekAdha mahIne meM maiM ahamadAbAda gayA / vallabhabhAI mere svAsthya ke hAla-cAla pUchane karIba-karIba roja Ate the / maiMne isa bAremeM unase bAtacIta kI aura yaha sUcita bhI kiyA ki kucha karanA cAhie / unhoMne pUchA -- "kyA kiyA jA sakatA hai ? " javAba meM maiMne kahA-- 'gragara kamiTIkI siphArizoMke anusAra kAnUna bana hI jAya, aura yadi isake lie pratijJA lenevAle thor3ese bhI manuSya mila jAyaM to hameM satyAgraha karanA cAhie / agara maiM roga-zaiyyApara na rahA to maiM akelA bhI lar3a par3e aura yaha AzA rakkhUM ki pIchese aura loga bhI mila rheNge| para merI isa lAcAra hAlata meM akele lar3akI mujhameM bilakula hI zakti nahIM. (1 isa bAtacIta ke phalasvarUpa aise logoMkI eka choTI-sI sabhA karanekA nizcaya huA, jo mere saMparka meM ThIka-ThIka Aye the / raulaTa - kamiTIko milI gavAhiyoMpara se mujhe yaha to spaSTa mAlUma ho gayA thA ki usane jaisI siphAriza hai se kAnUnakI koI jarUrata nahIM hai, aura mere najadIka yaha bAta bhI utanI hI spaSTa thI ki aise kAnUnako koI bhI svAbhimAnI rASTra svIkAra nahIM kara sakatA /

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462 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 ___sabhA huii| usameM zAyada hI koI bIsa manuSyoMko nimaMtraNa diyA gayA hogaa| mujhe jahAMtaka smaraNa hai, usameM vallabhabhAIke sivA zrImatI sarojinI nAyaDU, mi0 hAnimena, sva0 umara subAnI, zrI zaMkaralAla baiMkara, zrImatI anasUyA bahana ityAdi the| pratijJApatra taiyAra kiyA gayA aura mujhe aisA smaraNa hai ki "jitane loga vahAM maujUda the sabhIne usapara dastakhata kiye the| isa samaya maiM koI akhabAra nahIM nikAlatA thaa| hAM, samaya-samayapara akhabAroMmeM likhatA jarUra thaa| vaise hI isa samaya bhI maiMne likhanA zurU kiyA aura zaMkaralAla baiMkarane acchI halacala zurU kara dii| unakI kAma karane kI aura saMgaThana karanekI zaktikA usa samaya mujhe acchA anubhava huA / / mujhe yaha asaMbhava pratIta huA ki usa samaya koI bhI maujUdA saMsthA satyAgraha jaise zastrako uThA le, isalie satyAgraha-sabhAkI sthApanA kI gii| usameM mukhyataH baMbaIse nAma mile aura usakA keMdra bhI baMbaImeM hI rakkhA gyaa| pratijJA-patrapara dastakhata hone lage aura jaisA ki kher3AkI lar3AI meM huA thA isameM bhI patrikAyeM nikAlI gaI aura jagaha-jagaha sabhAyeM kI gii| isa sabhAkA adhyakSa meM banA thaa| maiMne dekhA ki zikSita-vargase merI paTarI adhika na baiTha skegii| sabhAmeM gujarAtI bhASA hI istemAla karanekA merA Agraha aura merI dUsarI kArya-paddhatiko dekhakara ve cakkarameM par3a gye| magara mujhe yaha svIkAra karanA cAhie ki bahuteroMne merI kArya-paddhatiko nibhA lene kI udAratA dikhaaii| paraMtu prAraMbha hI meM maiMne yaha dekha liyA ki yaha sabhA dIrghakAla taka nahIM cala skegii| phira satya aura ahiMsApara jo maiM jora detA thA vaha bhI kucha logoMko apriya ho par3A thaa| phira bhI zurUAtameM to yaha nayA kAma bar3e joroMse cala niklaa|

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adhyAya 30 : vaha adbhuta dRzya 463 30 vaha adbhuta dRzya. eka aora raulaTa-kamiTIke viruddha AMdolana bar3hatA calA aura dUsarI ora sarakAra usakI siphArizoMpara amala karaneke lie kamara kasatI gii| raulaTa-bila prakAzita huaa| maiM dhArA-sabhAkI baiThaka meM sirpha eka hI vAra gayA huuN| so bhI raulaTa-bilakI carcA sunane / zAstrIjIne bahuta hI dhuMAdhAra bhASaNa kiyA aura sarakArako cetAvanI dii| jaba zAstrIjIkI vAgdhArA cala rahI thI, usa samaya vAisarAya unakI ora tAka rahe the| mujhe to aisA lagA ki zAstrIjIke bhASaNakA asara unake manapara par3A hogaa| zAstrIjI pUre-pUre bhAvAvezameM A gaye the / kiMtu soye hueko jagAyA jA sakatA hai / jAgatA huA sonekA DhoMga kare to usake kAna meM Dhola bajAnese bhI kyA hogaa| dhArA-sabhAmeM biloMkI carcA karanekA prahasana to karanA hI caahie| sarakArane vaha prahasana khelaa| kiMtu jo kAma use karanA thA usakA nizcaya to ho hI cukA thaa| isalie zAstrIjIkI cetAvanI bekAra sAbita huI / aura isameM mujha jaise kI tUtIkI AvAja to sunatA hI kauna ? maiMne bAisarAyase milakara khUba vinaya kI, khAnagI patra likhe, khulI ciTThiyAM likhIM, unameM maiMne yaha sApha-sApha batalAyA thA ki satyAgrahake sivAya mere pAsa dUsarA rAstA nahIM hai| kiMtu saba bekAra gayA / abhI bila gajaTameM prakAzita nahIM huA thaa| merA zarIra thA to nirbala, kiMtu maiMne laMbe sapharakA khatarA mola liyA / abhI UMcI AvAjase bolanekI zakti nahIM AI thii| khar3e hokara bolane kI zakti jo tabase gaI so abataka nahIM AI hai| khar3e hokara bolate hI thor3I derameM sArA zarIra kAMpane lagatA aura chAtI aura peTameM ghabarAhaTa mAlUma hone lagatI hai| kiMtu mujhe aisA lagA ki madrAsase Aye hue nimaMtraNako avazya svIkAra karanA cAhie / dakSiNa prAMta usa samaya mujhe gharake hI samAna lagate the / dakSiNa aphrIkAke saMbaMdhake kAraNa

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464 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 1 maiM mAnatA AyA hUM ki tAmila telagU Adi dakSiNa prAMtake logoMpara merA kucha haka hai, aura avataka aisA nahIM lagA hai ki maiMne yaha vicAra karane meM jarA bhI bhUla kI hai / AmaMtraNa svargIya zrI kastUrIraMgA aiyaMgarakI prorase AyA thA / madrAsa jAte hI mujhe jAna par3A ki isa AmaMtraNake pIche zrI rAjagopAlAcArya the / zrI rAjagopAlAcArya ke sAtha merA yaha pahalA paricaya mAnA jA sakatA hai / pahalI hI bAra hama donoMne eka dUsareko yahAM dekhA / sArvajanika kAmameM jyAdA bhAga leneke irAdese aura zrI kastUrIraMgA aiyaMgara Adi mitroMkI mAMgase vaha selama chor3akara madrAsa vakAlata karane vAle the mujhe unhIM ke sAtha harAne kI vyavasthA kI gaI thii| mujhe do-eka dina bAda mAlUma huA ki maiM unhIM ke ghara ThaharAyA gayA huuN| vaha baMgalA zrI kastUrIraMgA aiyaMgarakA hone ke kAraNa maiMne yahI mAna liyA thA ki maiM unhIMkA atithi hUM / mahAdeva desAIne merI yaha bhUla sudhArI / rAjagopAlAcArya dUra-hI-dUra rahate the / kiMtu mahAdevane unase bhalIbhAMti paricaya kara liyA thA / mahAdevane mujhe cetAyA, " Apako zrI rAjagopAlAcAryase paricaya kara lenA cAhie / 33 maiMne paricaya kiyA / unake sAtha roja hI lar3AIke saMgaThanakI salAha kiyA karatA thA / sabhAoM ke alAvA mujhe aura kucha sUjhatA hI nahIM thA / raulaTabila agara kAnUna bana jAya to usakA savinaya bhaMga kaise ho ? savinaya bhaMgakA avasara to tabhI mila sakatA thA, jaba sarakAra detI / dUsare kina kAnUnoMkA savinaya bhaMga ho sakatA hai ? usakI maryAdA kyA nizcita ho ? aisI hI carcAeM hotI thIM / zrI kastUrIraMgA aiyaMgarane netAoM kI eka choTI-sI sabhA kI / usameM bhI khUba carcA huii| usameM zrI vijayarAghavAcArya khUba hAtha baMTAte the / unhoMne yaha sujhAyA ki taphasIla se hidAyateM likhakara mujhe satyAgrahakA eka zAstra likha DAlanA cAhie / para maiMne kahA ki yaha kAma merI zaktike bAhara hai / yoM salAha mazavarA ho rahA thA isI bIca khabara AI ki bila kAnUna banakara gajaTa meM prakAzita ho gayA / jisa dina yaha khabara milI, usa rAtako maiM vicAra karatA huA so gayA / bhorameM bar3e savere uTha khar3A huA / abhI ardhanidrA hogI ki mujhe svapnameM eka vicAra sUjhA / savere hI maiMne zrI rAjagopAlAcAryako

Page #482
adhyAya 31 : vaha saptAha !--1 bulAyA aura bAta kI ___ "mujhe rAtako svapnameM vicAra AyA ki isa kAnUnake javAbameM hameM sAre dezase har3atAla karaneke lie kahanA caahie| satyAgraha AtmazuddhikI lar3AI hai / yaha dhArmika lar3AI hai / dharma-kAryako zuddhise zurU karanA ThIka lagatA hai| eka dina sabhI loga upavAsa kareM aura kAmadhaMdhA baMda rkheN| musalamAna bhAI rojAke alAvA aura upavAsa nahIM rakhate; isalie caubIsa ghaMTekA upavAsa rakhanekI salAha denI caahie| yaha to nahIM kahA jA sakatA ki isameM sabhI prAMta zAmila hoMge yA nhiiN| baMbaI, madrAsa, bihAra aura siMdhakI AzA to mujhe avazya hai / para itanI jagahoMmeM bhI agara ThIka har3atAla ho jAya to hameM saMtoSa mAna lenA caahie|" yaha tajavIja zrI rAjagopAlAcAryako bahuta pasaMda aaii| phira turaMta hI dUsare mitroMke sAmane bhI rkkhii| sabane isakA svAgata kiyaa| maiMne eka choTA-sA noTisa taiyAra kara liyaa| pahale san 1919ke mArcakI 30 tArIkha rakkhI gaI thI, kiMtu bAdameM 6 apraila kara dI gii| logoMko khabara bahuta thor3e dina pahale dI gaI thii| kArya turaMta karanekI AvazyakatA samajhI gaI thii| ataH taiyArIke lie laMbI miyAda dene kI guMjAiza hI nahIM thii| para kauna jAne kaise sArA saMgaThana ho gayA ! sAre hiMdustAnameM-- zaharoMmeM aura gAMvoMmeM-har3atAla huii| yaha dRzya bhavya thA ! vaha saptAha !-1 dakSiNameM thor3A bhramaNa karake bahuta karake maiM cauthI aprailako baMbaI phuNcaa| zrI zaMkaralAla baiMkarakA aisA tAra thA ki chaThI tArIkha kA kAryakrama pUrA karaneke lie mujhe baMbaImeM maujUda rahanA cAhie / kiMtu usase pahale dillI meM to 30 mArcako hI har3atAla manAI jA cukI thI una dinoM dillImeM sva0 svAmI zraddhAnaMdajI tathA sva0 hakIma ajamalakhAM sAhabakI

Page #483
466 'Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 pAna calatI thii| chaThI tArIkha taka har3atAlakI muddata bar3hA dI jAne kI khabara dillI meM derase pahuMcI thii| dillI meM usa dina jaisI har3atAla huI, vaisI pahale kabhI na huI thii| hiMdU aura musalamAna donoM eka dila hone lge| zraddhAnaMdajI ko jumA masjidameM nimaMtraNa diyA gayA thA aura vahAM unheM bhASaNa karane diyA gayA thaa| ye saba bAteM sarakArI aphasara sahana nahIM kara sakate the| jalUsa sTezanakI ora calA jA rahA thA ki pulisane rokA aura golI claaii| kitane hI AdamI jakhmI hue, aura kucha khUna hue| dillI meM damana-nIti zurU huii| zraddhAnaMdajIne mujhe dillI bulaayaa| maiMne tAra kiyA ki baMbaImeM chaThI tArIkha manA kara maiM turaMta dillI ravAnA houuNgaa| jaisA dillI meM huA, vaisA hI lAhaura meM aura amRtasarameM bhI huA thaa| amRtasarase DA0. satyapAla aura kicalUke tAra mujhe jarUrImeM vahAM bulA rahe the| usa samaya ina donoM bhAiyoMko jarA bhI nahIM pahacAnatA thaa| dillIse hokara jAneke nizcayakI khabara maiMne unheM dI thii| . chaThIko baMbaImeM subaha hajAroM AdamI caupATImeM snAna karane gaye aura vahAMse ThAkuradvAra jAneke lie jalUsa niklaa| usameM striyAM aura bacce bhI the| musalamAna bhI acchI tAdAdameM zAmila hue the| isa jalUsameMse hameM musalamAna bhAI eka masjidameM le gye| vahAM zrImatI sarojinI devIse tathA mujhase bhASaNa kraaye| yahAM zrI viThThaladAsa jerAjANIne svadezIkI tathA hiMdu-musalamAnaaikyakI pratijJA livAneke lie sujhaayaa| maiMne aisI utAvalI meM pratijJA livAne se inkAra kara diyaa| jitanA ho rahA thA utanese hI saMtoSa mAnanekI salAha dii| pratijJA lene ke bAda nahIM TUTa sktii| hameM abhI svadezIkA artha bhI samajhanA caahie| hiMdU-musalamAna-aikyakI jimmedArI kA khayAla rakhanA cAhie vagairA kahA aura sujhAyA ki jinheM pratijJA lenekI icchA ho, ve kala savere bhale hI caupATIke maidAnameM A jAyaM / . . . baMbaIkI har3atAla solahoM AnA saMpUrNa thii| yahAM kAnUnake savinaya bhaMgakI taiyArI kara rakkhI thii| bhaMga ho sakane lAyaka do-tIna vastueM thiiN| ye kAnUna aise the, jo radda hone lAyaka the aura inako saba loga sahaja hI bhaMga kara sakate the| inameMse ekako hI cunanekA nizcaya huA

Page #484
adhyAya 31 : vaha saptAha ! --1 467 thaa| namakapara laganevAlA kara bahuta hI akharatA thaa| use uThavAneke lie bahuta prayatna ho rahe the / isalie maiMne yaha sujhAyA thA ki sabhI koI apane gharameM binA paravAne ke namaka bnaaveN| dUsarA kAnUnabhaMga sarakArakI, jabta kI huI pustakeM chapAne va becaneke saMbaMdhameM thaa| aisI do pustakeM khuda merI hI thIM--'hiMda svarAjya' aura 'sarvodaya' / ina pustakoMko chapAnA aura becanA sabase sarala savinaya-bhaMga jAna pdd'aa| isalie inheM chapAyA aura sAMjhakA upavAsa chUTanepara aura caupATIkI virATa sabhA visarjana hone ke bAda inheM becane kA prabaMdha huaa| sAMjhako bahutase svayaMsevaka ye pustakeM becane nikala pdd'e| eka moTarameM maiM aura dUsarImeM zrImatI sarojinI nAyaDU nikalI thiiN| jitanI pratiyAM chapAI thIM utanI bika giiN| inakI jo kImata AtI vaha lar3AIke kharca meM hI kAma pAnevAlI thii| pratyeka pratikI kImata cAra AnA rakkhI gaI thI; kiMtu mere yA sarojinIdevIke hAthameM zAyada hI kisIne cAra Ane rakkhe hoN| apanI jebameM jo kucha mila jAya, sabhI dekara pustaka lenevAle bahuta AdamI paidA ho gaye / koI dasa rupaye kA to koI pAMca rupaye kA noTa bhI dete the| mujhe yAda hai ki eka pratike lie to 50) kA bhI eka noTa milA thA / logoMko samajhAyA gayA ki pustaka lenevAloMke lie bhI jela jAnekA khatarA hai; kiMtu thor3I derake lie logoMne jelakA bhaya chor3a diyA thA / sAtavIM tArIkhako mAlUma huA ki jo kitAba becanekI manAhI sarakArane kI thI, sarakArakI dRSTise ve bikI huI nahIM mAnI jA sktiiN| jo bikIM, ve to usakI dUsarI AvRtti mAnI jAyagI, jabta kitAboMmeM ve nahIM lI jaayNgii| isalie isa naI AvRttiko chApane, becane aura kharIdane meM koI gunAha nahIM mAnA jaaygaa| loga yaha khabara sunakara nirAza hue| . isa dina savere caupATIpara logoMko svadezI-vrata tathA hiMdU-muslimaaikyake ke lie ikaTThA honA thaa| viTThaladAsako yaha pahalA anubhava huA ki ujalA raMga honese hI saba-kucha dUdha nahIM ho jaataa| loga bahuta hI kama ikaTThe hue the| inameM docAra bahanoMkA nAma mujhe yAda ho pAtA hai / puruSa bhI thor3e hI the| maiMne vratakA majamUna gar3ha rakhA thaa| unakA artha upasthita logoMko khUba samajhAkara unheM vrata lene diyaa| thor3e logoMkI maujUdagIse mujhe Azcarya na

Page #485
468 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 huA, na duHkha hI huA; kiMtu tabhIse jozIle kAma aura dhIme racanAtmaka kAmake bhedakA aura pahaleke prati logoMke pakSapAta tathA dUsareke prati arucikA anubhava maiM barAbara karatA AyA huuN| kiMtu isa viSayake lie eka alaga hI prakaraNa denA ThIka rhegaa| sAtakI rAtako maiM dillI aura amRtasarake lie ravAnA huaa| AThako mathurA pahuMcate hI kucha bhanaka milI ki zAyada mujhe pakar3a leN| mathurAke bAda eka sTezanapara gAr3I khar3I thii| vahIMpara mujhe AcArya giDavAnI mile| unhoMne mujhe yaha vizvasta khabara dI ki "Apako jarUra pakar3eMge aura merI sevAkI jarUrata ho to maiM hAjira huuN|" maiMne upakAra mAnA aura kahA ki jarUrata par3anepara Apase sevA lenA nahIM bhuuluuNgaa| palavala sTezana Ane ke pahale hI pulisa-aphasarane mere hAtha meM eka hukma lAkara rakkhA / "tumhAre paMjAbameM praveza karanese azAMti bar3hane kA bhaya hai, isalie tumheM hukma diyA jAtA hai ki paMjAbakI sImAmeM dAkhila mata hono / " hukmakA Azaya yaha thaa| pulisane hukma dekara mujhe utara jAneke lie khaa| maiMne utaranese inkAra kiyA aura kahA-- "maiM azAMti bar3hAne nahIM, kiMtu AmaMtraNa milanese azAMti ghaTAne ke lie jAnA cAhatA huuN| isalie mujhe kheda hai ki ma isa hukmako nahIM mAna sakatA / " palavala aayaa| mahAdeva desAI mere sAtha the| unheM dillI jAkara zraddhAnaMdajIko khabara dene aura logoMko zAMtikA saMdeza deneke lie kahA / hukmakA anAdara karanese jo sajA ho, use sahanekA maine nizcaya kiyA hai tathA sajA honepara bhI zAMta rahane meM hI hamArI jIta hai, yaha samajhAneke lie kahA / __ palavala sTezanapara mujhe utArakara pulisake havAle kiyA gyaa| dillIse AnevAlI kisI Trenake tIsare darje ke Dibbe meM mujhe baitthaayaa| sAthameM pulisakI pArTI baitthii| mathurA pahuMcanepara mujhe pulisa-bairakameM le gye| yaha koI bhI aphasara nahIM batA sakA ki merA kyA hogA aura mujhe kahAM le jAnA hai| savere 4 baje mujhe uThAyA aura baMbaI le jAnevAlI eka mAlagAr3I meM le gye| dopaharako savAI mAdhopurameM utAra diyaa| vahAM baMbaIkI mela TrenameM lAhaurase iMsapekTara boriMga Aye maiM unake havAle kiyA gyaa| aba mujhe pahale darjemeM baiThAyA gyaa| sAthameM sAhaba

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adhyAya 31 : vaha saptAha !--1 469 baitthe| abataka maiM mAmUlI kaidI thaa| abase 'jeMTilamaina' kaidI ginA jAne lgaa| sAhabane sara mAikela oDavAyarake bakhAna zurU kiye| unhoMne mujhase kahA ki hameM to Apake khilApha koI zikAyata nahIM hai; kiMtu Apake paMjAbameM jAnese azAMtikA pUrA bhaya hai|" aura isalie mujhase apane Apa hI lauTa jAnekA aura paMjAbakI sarahada pAra na karanekA anurodha kiyaa| maiMne unheM kaha diyA ki mujhase isa hukmakA pAlana nahIM ho sakegA aura maiM svecchAse lauTa jAneko taiyAra nahIM huuN| isalie sAhabane lAcArIse kAnUnako kAmameM lAnekI bAta khii| maiMne pUchA"para yaha bhI kucha kahoge ki Akhira merA karanA kyA cAhate ho ? " usane javAba diyA-- " mujhe kucha mAlUma nahIM hai| mujhe koI dUsarA hukma milegaa| abhI to maiM Apako baMbaI le jAtA huuN|" .. sUrata aayaa| vahAMpara kisI dUsare aphasarane merA jimmA liyA usane rAstemeM mujhe kahA, "Apa svataMtra hai, kiMtu Apake lie maiM baMbaImeM marInalAinsa sTezanapara gAr3I khar3I kraauuNgaa| kolAbApara jyAdA bhIr3a honekI saMbhAvanA hai|" maiMne kahA-"jaisI ApakI marajI ho|" vaha khuza huA aura mujhe dhanyavAda diyA / marInalAiMsameM utraa| vahAM kisI paricita sajjanakI ghoDAgAr3I dekhii| vaha mujhe revAzaMkara jauharIke ghara para chor3a gii| revAzaMkarabhAIne mujhe khabara dI"Apake pakar3e jAnekI khabara sunakara loga uttejita ho gaye haiN| pAyadhunIke pAsa hullar3akA bhaya hai| vahAM pulisa aura majisTreTa pahuMca gaye haiN|" . ___ mere gharapara pahuMcate hI umara subAnI aura anasUyA bahana moTara lekara Aye aura mujhase pAyadhunI calanekI bAta kahI- "loga adhIra ho gaye haiM aura uttejita ho rahe haiN| hama kisIke kiye ve zAMta nahIM raha skte| Apako dekha lenepara hI zAMta hoNge|" .. maiM moTarameM baiTha gyaa| pAyadhunI pahuMcate hI rAste meM bahuta bar3I bhIr3a diikhii| mujhe dekhakara loga harSonmatta ho gye| aba khAsA jalUsa bana gyaa| 'vaMde mAtaram', 'allAho akabara'kI AvAjase AsamAna phaTane lgaa| pAyadhunIpara maiMne ghur3asavAra dekhe| Uparase IMToMkI varSA hotI thii| maiM logoMse zAMta honeke lie hAtha jor3akara prArthanA karatA thaa| kiMtu aisA jAna par3A ki hama bhI isa IMToMkI varSAse na baca sakeMge /

Page #487
Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 abdula rahamAna galImeMse kraoNpharDa mArkeTakI ora jAte hue jalUsako rokane ke lie ghur3asavAroMkI Tukar3I sAmane A khar3I huI / jalUsako phorTakI ora jAnese rokane ke lie ve mahAprayatna kara rahe the / loga samAte na the / logoMne pulisakI lAinako cIrakara Age bar3hanA zurU kiyaa| hAlata aisI na thI ki merI AvAja sunAI pdd'e| isapara ghur3asavAroMkI Tukar3I ke aphasarane bhIr3ako titara-bitara karane kA hukma diyA aura isa Tukar3Ine bhAle tAnakara ekadama ghor3e chor3a diye / mujhe bhaya thA ki inameM se koI bhAlA hamameM se bhI kisIkA kAma tamAma kara de to koI Azcarya nahIM; kiMtu isa bhayake lie koI AdhAra nahIM thA / baMgalase hokara sabhI bhAle relagAr3IkI cAlase bar3he cale jAte the| logoMke jhuMDa TUTa gaye / bhagadar3a maca gii| kaI kucala gaye, kaI ghAyala hue / ghur3asavAroMko nikalaneke lie rAstA na thA / logoMke idhara-udhara haTaneko jagaha na thI / ve agara pIche bhI phiranA cAheM to udhara bhI hajAroMkI jabaradasta bhIr3a thI / sArA dRzya bhayaMkara lagA / ghur3asavAra aura loga donoM hI unmatta jaise mAlUma hue / ghur3asavAra na to kucha dekhate aura na dekha hI sakate the / ve to prAMkheM mUMdakara sarapaTa ghor3e daur3A rahe the / jitane kSaNa isa hajAroMke jhuMDako cIranemeM lage, utanetaka to maiMne dekhA ki ve aMdhAdhuMdha ho rahe the / logoMko yoM bikherakara Age jAnese roka diyA / hamArI moTarako Age jAne diyA / maiMne kamiznarake daphtara ke Age moTara rukavAI aura maiM unake pAsa pulisake vyavahAra ke lie zikAyata karane utarA / 470 32 vaha saptAha ! - 2 maiM kamiznara griphitha sAhabake daphtara meM gayA / unakI sIr3hI ke pAsa jAte hI maiMne dekhA ki hathiyArabaMda soljara taiyAra baiThe the, mAno kisI lar3AIpara jAne ke lie hI taiyAra ho rahe hoM ! varAmademeM bhI halacala maca rahI thI / maiM khabara bhejakara daphtara meM ghusA to kamiznarake pAsa mi0 boriMgako baiThe hue dekhA /

Page #488
471 kamiznarase maiMne jo kucha dekhA thA usakA varNana kiyA / usane saMkSepa meM javAba diyA-- " jalUsako hama phorTakI aura jAne denA nahIM cAhate the / vahAM jalUsa jAtA to upadrava hue binA nahIM raha sakatA thA / aura maiMne dekhA ki loga kevala kahane se hI lauTa jAnevAle nahIM the| isalie bhIr3ameM dhaMse binA aura cArA hI nahIM thA / " adhyAya 32 : vaha saptAha ! -- 88 maiMne kahA 'magara usakA pariNAma to Apa jAnate the ? loga ghor3oMke nIce jarUra hI kucala gaye haiN| mujhe to aisA mAlUma hotA hai ki ghur3asavAroMkI Tukar3I ko bhejane kI jarUrata hI na thI / " --2 sAhabane javAba diyA--" isakA patA prApako nahIM cala sakatA / hama pulisavAloMko Apase kahIM adhika isakA patA rahatA hai ki logoMke Upara prApakI sIkA kaisA asara par3A hai / hama agara pahalese hI kar3I kArravAI na kareM to adhika nukasAna hotA hai / maiM Apase kahatA hUM ki loga to Apake bhI prabhAva meM rahanevAle nahIM haiM / kAnUnake bhaMgakI bAta ve caTa samajha lete haiM, magara zAMtikI bAta samajhanA unakI zaktike bAhara hai / grApakA hetu acchA hai, magara loga ApakA hetu nahIM samajhate; ve to apane hI svabhAvake anusAra kAma kareMge / " maiMne kahA -- " yahI to Apake aura mere bIca matabheda hai / loga svabhAvase hI lar3A nahIM haiM / kiMtu zAMtipriya haiM / , aba bahasa hone lagI / aMtama sAhaba boleM-- " khaira agara Apako yaha vizvAsa ho jAya ki logoMne ApakI zikSAko nahIM samajhA, to Apa kyA kareMge ? maiMne javAba diyA--" agara mujhe yaha vizvAsa ho jAya to isa lar3AIko maiM sthagita kara dUMgA / " sthagita karaneke kyA mAnI ? Apane to mi0 boriMgase kahA hai ki maiM chUTate hI turaMta paMjAba lauTanA cAhatA hUM / " C 'hAM, merA irAdA to dUsarI hI Trena se lauTanekA thA; kiMtu yaha to prAja nahIM ho sakatA / " "" 'Apa dhIraja rakkheMge to Apako aura adhika bAteM mAlUma hoMgI / Apako kucha patA hai ki abhI ahamadAbAdameM kyA cala rahA hai ? amRtasarameM zr

Page #489
472 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 kyA huA hai ? loga to sabhI jagaha pAgala-se ho gaye haiN| mujhe bhI abhI to pUrI khabareM nahIM milI haiN| kitanI hI jagaha tAra bhI TUTe haiN| maiM to Apase kahatA hUM ki isa sAre upadravakI jimmedArI Apake sira hai / " ___maiM bolA-- "merI jimmedArI jahAM hogI, vahAM use maiM apane sira pror3he binA nahIM rhuuNgaa| ahamadAbAdameM loga agara kucha bhI kareM to mujhe Azcarya aura duHkha hogaa| amRtasarake bAremeM maiM kucha nahIM jaantaa| vahAM to maiM kabhI gayA bhI nahIM huuN| vahAM mujhe to koI jAnatA bhI nahIM hai; kiMtu maiM itanA jAnatA hUM ki paMjAba sarakArane yadi mujhe vahAM jAnese rokA na hotA to maiM zAMti banAye rakhanemeM bahuta hAtha baMTA sakatA thaa| mujhe rokakara sarakArane logoMko bhar3akA diyA hai|" .. isa taraha hamArI bAteM cliiN| hamAre matameM mela milanekI saMbhAvanA nahIM thii| ___caupATIpara sabhA karane aura logoMko zAMti pAlana karaneke lie samajhAnekA apanA irAdA jAhira karake maiMne unase chuTTI lI / caupATI para sabhA huii| maiMne logoMko zAMtike bAremeM aura satyAgrahakI maryAdAke bAremeM samajhAyA aura kahA- "satyAgraha saccekA khela hai| loga agara zAMtikA pAlana na kareM to mujhase satyAgrahakI lar3AI kabhI pAra na lgegii|" ___ahamadAbAdase zrI anasUyAbahanako bhI khabara mila cukI thI ki vahAM hullar3a ho gayA hai| kisIne aphavAha ur3A dI thI ki vaha bhI pakar3I gaI haiN| isase majadUra pAgala-se bana gye| unhoMne har3atAla kI aura hullar3a bhI kiyaa| eka sipAhIkA khUna bhI ho gayA thA / .. maiM ahamadAbAda gyaa| naDiyAdake pAsa relakI paTarI ukhAr3a DAlanekA bhI prayatna huA thaa| vIramagAmameM eka sarakArI naukarakA khUna ho gayA thaa| jaba maiM ahamadAbAda pahuMcA, to usa samaya vahAM mArzala-laoN jArI thaa| loga bhayabhIta ho rahe the / logoMne jaisA kiyA vaisA bharA aura usakA vyAja bhI pAyA / ... kamiznara mi0 praiTake pAsa mujhe le jAneke lie sTezanapara AdamI khar3A thaa| maiM unake pAsa gyaa| vaha khUba gusse meM the| maiMne unheM zAMtise uttara diyaa| jo khUna huaA thA, usake lie apanA kheda prakaTa kiyaa| mArzala-laoNkI anAvazyakatA bhI batalAI aura jisameM zAMti phirase sthApita ho vaise upAya, jo karane ucita

Page #490
adhyAya 32 : vaha saptAha !--2 hoM, karanekI apanI taiyArI btlaaii| maiMne sArvajanika sabhA karanekI ijAjata mAMgI va sabhA Azramake maidAnameM karanekI apanI icchA prakaTa kii| yaha bAta unheM pasaMda aaii| mujhe yAda hai ki isake anusAra 13 maIko ravivArake dina sabhA huI thii| mArzala-laoN bhI usI dina yA usake dUsare dina radda ho gayA thaa| isa sabhAmeM maiMne logoMko unakI galatiyAM batAnekA prayatna kiyaa| maiMne prAyazcitta ke rUpameM tIna dinakA upavAsa kiyA aura logoMko eka dinakA upavAsa karanekI salAha dii| jo khUna vagairAmeM zAmila hue hoM, unheM apanA gunAha kabUla kara lenekI salAha dii| ___ apanA dharma maiMne spaSTa dekhaa| jina majadUroM vagairAke bIca maiMne itanA samaya bitAyA thA, jinakI maine sevA kI thI, aura jinase maiM bhalekI hI AzA rakhatA thA, unakA hullar3ameM zAmila honA mujhe asahya lagA aura maiMne apane Apako unake doSameM hissedAra mAnA / . jisa taraha logoMko apanA gunAha kabUla kara lenekI salAha dI, usI prakAra sarakArako bhI unakA gunAha mApha karaneke lie sujhaayaa| merI bAta donoM se kisIne nahIM sunii| na logoMne apanA gunAha kabUla kiyA aura na sarakAra ne unheM mApha hI kiyA / sva0 sara ramaNabhAI vagairA, ahamadAbAdake nAgarika, mere pAsa Aye aura satyAgraha multavI rakhanekA mujhase anurodha kiyaa| mujhe to isakI jarUrata bhI na rahI thii| jabataka loga zAMtikA pATha na sIkha leM, tabataka satyAgrahakI multavI rakhanekA nizcaya maiMne kara hI liyA thaa| isase ve prasanna hue| kitane hI mitra nArAja bhI hue| unheM aisA jAna par3A ki agara maiM sarvatra zAMtikI AzA rakkhaM aura yahI satyAgrahakI zarta ho, to phira bar3e paimAnepara satyAgraha kabhI cala hI na skegaa| maiMne isase apanA matabheda prakaTa kiyaa| jina logoMmeM hamane kAma kiyA ho, jinake dvArA satyAgraha calAnekI hamane AzA rakkhI ho, ve agara zAMtikA pAlana na kareM to satyAgraha jarUra hI nahIM cala sakatA / merI dalIla yaha thI ki itanI maryAdita zAMtikA pAlana karane kI zakti satyAgrahI netAoMko paidA karanI caahie| ina vicAroMko maiM Aja bhI nahIM badala sakA hU~ /

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474 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 33 'himAlaya-jaisI bhUla' ahamadAbAdakI sabhAke bAda maiM turaMta naDiyAda gayA hai 'himAlayajaisI bhUla'ke nAmase jo zabda-prayoga pracalita ho gayA hai, usakA prayoga maiMne pahale-pahala naDiyAdameM kiyA thaa| ahamadAbAdameM hI mujhe apanI bhUla jAna par3ane lagI thI; kiMtu naDiyAdameM vahAMkI sthitikA vicAra karate hue kher3A jileke bahutase AdamiyoMke giraphtAra honekI bAta sunate hue, jisa sabhAmeM maiM ina ghaTanAoMpara bhASaNa kara rahA thA, vahIMpara mujhe ekAeka khayAla huA ki kher3A jileke tathA aise hI dUsare logoMko savinaya bhaMga karaneke lie nimaMtraNa dene meM maiMne utAklo karanekI bhUla kI thI, aura vaha bhUla mujhe himAlaya-jaisI bar3I jAna par3I / ____ maiMne ise kabUla kiyA, isalie merI khUba hI haMsI huii| to bhI mujhe yaha kabUla karaneke lie pazcAttApa nahIM huA hai| maiMne yaha hamezA mAnA hai ki jaba hama dUsareke gaja-barAbara doSako raja-samAna dekheM aura apane rAI-jaise jAna par3anevAle doSako parvata jaisA dekhanA sIkheMge tabhI hama apane aura dUsareke doSoMkA ThIka-ThIka hisAba lagA skeNge| maiMne yaha bhI mAnA hai ki satyAgrahI bananeke icchukako to isa sAmAnya niyamakA pAlana bahuta hI sUkSmatAse karanA caahie| ___ * aba hama yaha dekheM ki vaha himAlaya-jaisI dikhAI par3anevAlI bhUla thI kyA ? kAnUnakA savinaya bhaMga unhIM logoMse ho sakatA hai, jinhoMne kAnUnako vinaya-pUrvaka svecchAse mAna liyA ho--usakA pAlana kiyA ho| bahutAMzameM hama kAnUnake bhaMgase honevAlI sajAke Darase usakA pAlana karate haiN| isake alAvA yaha bAta vizeSakara una kAnUnoMpara lAgU par3atI hai, jinameM nIti-anItikA savAla nahIM hotaa| kAnUna ho, yA na ho, sajjana mAne jAnevAle loga ekAeka corI nahIM kareMge; magara to bhI rAtako bAisikalakI battI jalAneke niyamameMse chaTaka jAnemeM bhale AdamIko bhI kSobha nahIM hogaa| aura aise niyama pAlanekI koI salAha bhI de, to bhale loga bhI usakA pAlana karaneko jhaTa taiyAra nahIM hoNge| kiMtu jaba ki yaha kAnUna bana jAtA hai, usakA bhaMga karanese jurmAnekA bhaya rahatA hai,

Page #492
475 adhyAya 33 : 'himAlaya-jaisI bhUla' taba jurmAnA dene se bacane ke lie hI rAtako vaha battI jalAvegA / niyamake aise pAlanako svecchA se kiyA gayA pAlana nahIM kaha sakate / kiMtu satyAgrahI to samAjake kAnUnoMkA pAlana samajha-bUjhakara, svecchA se aura dharma samajhakara karegA / isa prakAra jisane samAjake niyamoMkA jAnabUjha kara pIlana kiyA hai, usI meM samAjake niyama, nIti-nItikA bheda samajhane kI zakti AtI hai, aura use maryAdita avasthA noMmeM khAsa-khAsa niyamoMke bhaMga karanekA adhikAra prApta hotA hai / aisA adhikAra prApta karanese pahale hI savinaya bhaMgake lie nyautA dene kI bhUla mujhako himAlaya jaisI lagIM aura kher3A jilemeM praveza karate hI mujhe vahAMkI lar3AI yAda ho AI / maiMne samajha liyA ki maiM rAstA cUka gyaa| mujhe aisA lagA ki isake pahale ki loga savinaya bhaMga karaneke lAyaka bane, unheM usakA rahasya khUba samajha lenA cAhie / jo roja hI apane manase kAnUnako tor3ate hoM, jo chipAkara anekoM bAra kAnUnakA bhaMga karate hoM, ve bhalA ekAeka kaise savinayabhaMgako pahacAna sakate haiM ? usakI maryAdAkA pAlana kaise kara sakate haiM ? yaha bAta sahaja hI samajha meM A sakatI hai ki isa pradarzataka hajAroMlAkhoM AdamI nahIM pahuMca sakate, kiMtu bAta agara aisI ho to savinaya bhaMga karAne ke pahale aise zuddha svayaMsevakoMkA dala paidA honA cAhie jo logoMko isakA jJAna karAveM aura pratikSaNa unheM rAstA batalAte raheM aura aise dalako savinayabhaMga aura usakI maryAdAkI pUrI-pUrI samajha honI cAhie / aise vicAroMko lekara maiM baMbaI pahuMcA aura satyAgraha - sabhAke dvArA maiMne satyAgrahI svayaMsevakoM kA eka dala khar3A kiyA / unake jariye logoMko savinayabhaMga kI tAlIma denA zurU kI aura satyAgrahakA rahasya batalAnevAlI patrikAyeM nikAlIM / yaha kAma calA to sahI, magara maiMne dekhA ki isameM maiM logoMkI bahuta dilacaspI nahIM paidA kara sakA / kabhI kAphI svayaMsevaka na hue / yaha nahIM kahA sakatA ki jo bharatI hue una sabhIne niyamita tAlIma bhI pUrI kara lI ho / bharatI nAma likhAnevAle bhI, jaise-jaise dina jAne lage, dRr3ha honeke badale khisakane lage / maiMne samajha liyA ki savinayabhaMgakI gAr3Ike jisa cAla se calanekI maiM AzA rakhatA thA, vaha usase kahIM dhImI calegI /

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476 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 34 'navajIvana' aura 'yaMga iMDiyA" eka ora yaha dhImI kiMtu zAMti-rakSaka halacala cala rahI thIM to udhara dUsarI ora sarakArI damana nIti bar3e vega se cala rahI thI / paMjAba meM usakA asara pratyakSa dekhA gayA / vahAM phaujI - kAnUna yAnI jo - hukmI zurU huI / netAoM ko pkdd'aa| khAsa adAlateM adAlateM na rahIM, kiMtu eka sUbAkA hukma bajAnevAlI saMsthA bana giiN| unhoMne bilA sabUta hI sajAyeM ThoMka diiN| phaujI sipAhiyoMne nirdoSa logoM ko kIr3oMkI taraha peTake bala reMgAyA / isake Age to mere sAmane afariant area katlegrAmakI koI bisAta hI na thii| hAlAMki janatAkA tathA duniyAkA dhyAna usa katlane hI khIMcA thA / paMjAba meM cAhe jisa taraha ho, magara praveza karanekA dabAva mujhapara DAlA gayA / maiMne vAisarAyako patra likhe, tAra kiye; kiMtu ijAjata na milI / ijAjatake binA calA jAUM to aMdara to jA hI nahIM sakatA thaa| hAM, savinaya bhaMga karane kA saMtoSa alabattA mila jAtA / aba yaha prazna mere sAmane A khar3A huA ki isa dharma-saMkaTameM mujhe kyA karanA cAhie ? mujhe lagA ki agara meM manAhI hukmakA anAdara karake praveza karUM to yaha savinaya anAdara nahIM samajhA jAyagA / zAMtikI jisa pratItika maiM icchA karatA thA, vaha mujhe abataka nahIM ho rahI thI / paMjAbakI nAdirazAhIne logoMkI prazAMtivRttiko bar3hA diyA thA / mujhe aisA lagA ki aise samaya meM merA kAnUna-bhaMga AgameM ghI DAlane ke samAna hogA / aura maiMne sahasA paMjAba meM praveza karanekI sUcanA nahIM maanii| yaha nirNaya mere lie eka kaDuI ghUMTa thI / roja paMjAba se anyAyakI khabareM AtIM aura roja mujhe unheM sunanA, aura dAMta pIsakara baiTha rahanA par3atA thA / itane meM prajAko sotA chor3akara sarakAra mi0 hArnimainako curA le gaI / mi0 hAnimaina ne 'baMbaI krAnikala' ko eka pracaMDa zakti banA diyA thA / isa corI meM jo gaMdagI thI usakI badabU mujhe abataka prAyA karatI hai / maiM jAnatA hUM ki mi0 hArnimaina aMdhAdhuMdha nahIM cAhate the / maiMne satyAgraha kamiTI kI salAha ke binA hI

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adhyAya 34 : 'navajIvana' aura 'yaMga iMDiyA' 477 paMjAba sarakArake hukmako tor3A thA so unheM pasaMda nahIM thA / maiMne savinaya bhaMgako jo multavI kiyA, usase vaha pUre sahamata the / mere satyAgraha multavI rakhanekA irAdA prakaTa karaneke pahale hI patra dvArA unhoMne mujhe multavI rakhanekI salAha dI thI aura vaha patra baMbaI aura ahamadAbAdake phAsale ke kAraNa, merA irAdA jAhira kara cukaneke bAda, mujhe milA thA / isalie unake deza nikAlepara mujhe jitanA Azcarya huA, utanA hI duHkha bhI huA / isa ghaTanA ke kAraNa 'kAnikala' ke vyavasthApakoMne use calAnekA bojhA mujhapara DAlA / mi0 barelavI to the hI, isalie mujhe bahuta kucha karane kI jarUrata nahIM thI'; kiMtu to bhI mere svabhAvAnusAra yaha jimmedArI mere lie bahuta ho gaI thI / kiMtu mujhe yaha jimmedArI bahuta dina nahIM uThAnI par3I | sarakArakI miharabAnI se 'krAnikala' baMda ho gayA / jo 'krAnikala' ke saMcAlaka the ve hI 'yaMga iMDiyA' kI vyavasthAkI bhI dekhabhAla karate the ---- yAnI umara subAnI aura zaMkaralAla baiMkara / ina donoM bhAiyoMne 'yaMga iMDiyA' kI jimmedArI lenekA sujhAva kiyA aura 'yaMga iMDiyA' tathA 'kAnikala' kI ghaTI thor3I kama karaneke lie haphtemeM eka bArake badale do bAra prakAzita karanA unheM aura mujhe ThIka lgaa| mujhe satyAgrahakA rahasya logoMko samajhAnekA utsAha thA / paMjAba ke bAremeM meM aura kucha nahIM to ucita TIkA jarUra kara sakatA thA aura yaha sarakArako bhI patA thA ki usake pIche satyAgrahakI zakti maujUda hai / isalie maiMne ina mitroMkA sujhAva maMjUra kara liyaa| kiMtu aMgrejIke jariye bhalA satyAgrahakI tAlIma kaise dI jA sakatI hai ? mere kAryakA mukhya kSetra gujarAta thaa| bhAI iMdulAla yAjJika usa samaya isI TolI meM the / unake hAthameM mAsika 'navajIvana' thA / usakA kharca bhI yahI mitra uThAte the / yaha patra bhAI iMdulAla aura una mitroMne mujhe sauMpa diyA aura bhAI iMdulAlane usameM kAma karanekA bhAra bhI apane sira liyaa| isa mAsika ko sAptAhika banAyA / isa bIca 'krAnikala' punarjIvita huA / isalie 'yaMga iMDiyA' phira sAptAhika ho gayA aura mere sujhAvapara use ahamadAbAda le gaye / do akhabAra alaga-alaga zaharoMmeM caleM to kharca adhika hotA aura merI asuvidhA adhika bar3hatI / 'navajIvana' to ahamadAbAdase hI nikalatA thA / yaha anubhava to mujhe 'iMDiyana

Page #495
Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 propIniyana se hI hogayA thA ki aise akhabAroMke lie nijakA chApAkhAnA jarUra cAhie / phira usa samaya akhabAroMke saMbaMdha meM kAnUna - kAyade bhI aise the ki maiM jo vicAra karanA cAhUM unheM vyApArakI dRSTise calanevAle chApAkhAne chApate hue 'sakucAte the / svataMtra chApAkhAnA kholane kA yaha bhI eka prabala kAraNa thA / aura hAlata yaha thI ki yaha ahamadAbAda meM hI AsAnI se ho sakatA thA / isalie 'yaMga iMDiyA' ko ahamadAbAda le gaye / 475 ina akhabAroMke dvArA maiMne satyAgraha kI tAlIma logoMko yathAzakti denA zurU kI / donoM akhabAroMkI khapata pahale bahuta kama thI, bar3hate-bar3hate 40,000 ke AsapAsa jA pahuMcI thI / 'navajIvana' kI bikrI ekadama bar3hI, jabaki 'yaMgaiMDiyA' kI dhIre-dhIre | mere jela jAne ke bAda unakI bikrI meM ghaTI AI aura Aja donoMkI bikrI prATha hajArase nIce calI gaI hai / ina akhabAroMmeM vijJApana na chApanekA merA Agraha zurU se hI thA / merI dhAraNA hai ki isase kucha bhI hAni nahIM huI hai aura akhabAroMkI vicAra svataMtratA banAye rakhane meM isa prathAne bahuta madada kI hai / ina akhabAroMke dvArA maiM manameM zAMti prApta kara skaa| kyoMki yadyapi maiM turaMta savinaya bhaMga na kara sakA, magara to bhI apane vicAra AjAdI ke sAtha janatAke sAmane rakha sakA / jo merA muMha joha rahe the, unheM AzvAsana de sakA aura mujhe lagatA hai ki donoM patroMne usa kaMThina prasaMgapara janatAkI ThIka-ThIka sevA kI aura phauja kAnUnake julmako halakA karanemeM acchA kAma kiyA / 35 paMjAba meM paMjAba meM jo kucha huA, usake lie sara mAikela DvAyarane mujhe gunahagAra ThaharAyA thA / idhara vahAMke kaI naujavAna phaujI kAnUnake lie bhI mujhe gunahagAra ThaharAne meM hicakateM na the / krodhake AvezameM ve yaha dalIla dete the ki yadi maiMne savinaya kAnUna-bhaMga multavI naM kiyA hotA to jaliyAMvAlA bAgameM kabhI

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adhyAya 35 : paMjAbameM 476 yaha katla na huA hotA aura na phaujI kAnUna hI jArI ho pAtA / kucha logoMne to dhamakiyAM bhI dIM ki yadi aba Apane paMjAbameM paira rakkhA to ApakA khUna kara DAlA jAyagA / para maiM to mAna rahA thA ki maiMne jo kucha kiyA hai vaha itanA ucita aura ThIka thA ki usameM samajhadAra AdamiyoMko galataphahamI honekI saMbhAvanA hI na thI / maiM paMjAba jAneke lie adhIra ho rahA thA / isase pahale maiMne paMjAba dekhA nahIM thA; para apanI prAMkhoM jo kucha dekha sakUM, dekhanekI tIvra icchA thI mujhe bulAnevAle DA0 satyapAla, kicalU, rAmabhajadatta caudharI AAdise milane kI abhilASA bhI ho rahI thI / ve the to jelameM, para mujhe pUrA vizvAsa thA ki unheM sarakAra adhika dinoM taka jela meM nahIM rakha skegii| jaba-jaba maiM baMbaI jAtA, taba-taba kitane hI paMjAbI bhAI milane A jAte the / unheM maiM protsAhana detA aura ve prasanna hokara use le jAte / usa samaya merA AtmavizvAsa bahuta thA / para mere paMjAba jAnekA dina dUra-hI-dUra hotA jAtA thA / vAisarAya bhI yaha kahakara use dUra Dhakelate jAte the ki abhI samaya nahIM hai / isI bIca haMTara kamiTI AI / vaha phaujI kAnUnake dauremeM paMjAba ke adhikAriyoM dvArA kiye kRtyoMkI jAMca karaneke lie niyukta huI thI / dInabaMdhu eMDrUja vahAM pahuMca gaye the / unakI ciTThiyoMmeM vahAMkA hRdayadrAvaka varNana hotA thA / unake patroMse yaha dhvani nikalatI thI ki akhabAroMmeM jo kucha bAteM prakAzita ho cukI haiM unase bhI adhika julma phaujI kAnUnakA thA / vaha bhI paMjAva prAnekA Agraha kara rahe the| dUsarI ora mAlavIyajI ke bhI tAra A rahe the ki Apako paMjAba avazya pahuMca jAnA cAhie / taba maiMne phira vAisarAyako tAra diyA / unakA javAba AyA ki phalAM tArIkhako Apa jA sakate haiM / aba tArIkha ThIka-ThIka yAda nahIM par3atI, para bahuta karake vaha 17 aktUbara thI / lAhaura pahuMcane para maiMne jo dRzya dekhA vaha kabhI bhulAyA nahIM jA sakatA / sTezanapara mujhe livAne ke lie aisI bhIr3a ikaTThI huI thI, mAno kisI bahuta dinake bichar3e priya-janase milaneke lie usake sage-saMbaMdhI Aye hoN| loga harSase pAgala ho rahe the / paMDita rAmabhajadatta caudharI ke yahAM maiM ThaharAyA gayA thA / zrImatI suralAdevI caudharAnI se merA pahalekA paricaya thA / mere AtithyakA bhAra unapara

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480 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 A par3A thaa| 'AtithyakA bhAra' zabdakA prayoga meM jAna-bUjha kara kara rahA hai| kyoMki AjakI taraha taba bhI maiM jahAM ThaharatA, vaha ghara eka dharmazAlA hI ho jAtA thaa| paMjAbameM maiMne dekhA ki vahAMke paMjAbI netAoMke jelameM honeke kAraNa paMDita' mAlavIyajI, paMDita motIlAlajI aura svargIya svAmI zraddhAnaMdajIne mukhya netAoMkA sthAna grahaNa kara liyA thaa| mAlavIyajI aura zraddhAnaMdajIke saMparka meM to maiM acchI taraha A cukA thA; para paMDita motIlAlajIke nikaTa saMparkameM to maiM lAhaurameM hI AyA / ina tathA dUsare sthAnika netAoMne, jinheM jelameM jAnekA gaurava prApta nahIM huA thA, turaMta mujha apanA banA liyaa| kahIM mujhe yaha na mAlUma huA ki maiM koI ajanabI hUM / hama saba logoMne ekamata hokara haMTara-kamiTIke sAmane gavAhI na denekA nizcaya kiyaa| isake kAraNa usI samaya prakaTa kara diye the| ataeva yahAM inakA ullekha chor3a detA huuN| ve kAraNa sIdhe the aura Aja bhI merA yahI mata hai ki kamiTIkA, hamane jo bahiSkAra kiyA vaha uciMta hI thA / para yadi haMTara-kamiTIkA bahiSkAra kiyA jAya to phira logoMkI taraphase arthAt kAMgresakI orase koI jAMca-kamiTI niyukta honI cAhie, isa nizcayapara hama loga pahuMce / paMDita motIlAla neharU, sva0 cittaraMjana dAsa, zrI abbAsa taiyabajI, zrI jayakara aura maiM itanoMko paMDitaM mAlavIyajIne usakA sadasya bnaayaa| hama jAMcake lie alaga-alaga sthAnoMmeM baMTa gye| isa kamiTIkI vyavasthAkA bojha sahaja hI mujhapara A par3A thA aura mere hisse meM adhika-se-adhika gAMvoMkI jAMcakA kAma AjAneke kAraNa mujhe paMjAbako aura paMjAbake dehAtako dekhanekA alabhya lAbha milaa| isa jAMcake dinoMmeM paMjAbakI striyAM to mujhe aisI mAlUma huI, mAno maiM unheM yugoMse pahacAnatA houuN| maiM jahAM jAtA vahAM jhuMDa-kI-jhuMDa striyAM A jAtIM aura apane kate sUtakA Dhera mere sAmane kara detiiN| isa jAMcake sAtha hI maiM anAyAsa isa bAtako bhI dekha sakA ki paMjAba khAdIkA eka mahAn kSetra ho sakatA hai / - jyoM-jyoM meM logoMpara hue julmoMkI jAMca adhikAdhika gaharAIse karane lagA tyoM-tyoM mere anumAnase pare sarakArI arAjakatA, hAkimoMkI nAdirazAhI

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adhyAya 36 : khilAphatake badalemeM gorakSA ? aura unakI manamAnI aMdhAdhuMdhIkI bAteM suna-sunakara Azcarya aura duHkha huA karatA / vaha paMjAba ki jahAMse sarakArako jyAdA-se-jyAdA sainika milate haiM, vahAM loga kyoM itanA bar3A julma sahana kara ske| isa bAtase mujhe bar3A vismaya huA aura Aja bhI hotA hai / isa kamiTIkI riporTa taiyAra karanekA kAma mere supurda kiyA gayA thaa| jo yaha jAnanA cAhate haiM ki paMjAbameM kaise-kaise atyAcAra hue, unheM yaha riporTa avazya par3hanI caahie| isa riporTa ke bAremeM maiM to itanA hI kaha sakatA hUM ki isameM jAna-bUjhakara kahIM bhI atyuktise kAma nahIM liyA gayA hai| jitanI bAteM likhI gaI haiM, sabake lie riporTa meM pramANa maujUda haiN| riporTa meM jo pramANa peza kiye gaye haiM unase bahuta adhika pramANa kamiTIke pAsa the| aisI eka bhI bAta riporTa meM darja nahIM kI hai, jisake bAremeM thor3A bhI zaka thaa| isa prakAra bilakula satyako hI sAmane rakhakara likhI gaI riporTa meM pAThaka dekha sakeMge ki briTiza rAjya apanI sattA kAyama rakhane ke lie kisa hadataka jA sakatA hai aura kaise amAnuSika kArya kara sakatA hai| jahAMtaka mujhe patA hai isa riporTa kI eka bhI bAta Ajataka asatya nahIM sAbita huI hai / khilAphatake badalemeM gorakSA ? paMjAbake hatyAkAMDako philahAla hama yahIM chor3a deN| kAMgresakI orase paMjAbakI DAyarazAhIkI jAMca ho rahI thI ki itane meM hI eka sArvajanika nimaMtraNa mere hAthameM A phuNcaa| usameM svargIya hakIma sAhaba aura bhAI AsaphaalIke nAma the| yaha bhI likhA thA ki zraddhAnaMdajI bhI sabhAmeM AnevAle haiN| mujhe to khayAla' par3atA hai ki vaha upasabhApati the / dehalI meM khilAphatake tathA saMdhi-utsavameM bhAga lene na lene ke saMbaMdhameM vicAra karane ke lie hiMdU-musalamAnoMkI saMyuktasabhA honevAlI thI aura usameM Ane ke lie yaha nimaMtraNa milA thA / mujha yAda AtA hai ki yaha sabhA navaMbarameM huI thii|

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482 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 isa nimaMtraNa-patra meM yaha bhI likhA gayA thA ki isameM khilAphatake praznakI carcA kI jAyagI aura sAtha hI go-rakSAke viSayapara bhI vicAra kiyA jAyagA. evaM yaha sujhAyA gayA thA ki go-rakSAko sAdhanekA yaha bar3A acchA avasara hai| mujhe yaha vAkya khaTakA / isa nimaMtraNa-patrake uttarameM maiMne likhA thA ki pAnekA yatna karUMgA aura sAtha hI yaha bhI sUcita kiyA thA ki khilAphata aura gorakSAko eka sAtha milAkara unheM paraspara badalekA savAla na banAnA cAhie-- harekake mahattvakA nirNaya unake guNadoSako dekhakara karanA cAhie sabhAmeM maiM gyaa| upasthiti acchI thii| phira bhI aisA dRzya nahIM thA ki hajAroM loga pIchese dhakkA-mukkI karate hoN| isa sabhAmeM zraddhAnaMdajI upasthita the| unake sAtha isa viSayapara maiMne bAtacIta kara lii| unheM merI dalIla pasaMda AI aura unhoMne kahA ki Apa ise sabhAmeM peza kreN| hakIma sAhabake sAtha bhI mazavarA kara liyA thaa| merA kahanA yaha thA ki donoM praznoMkA vicAra unake guNa-doSake anusAra alaga-alaga honA caahie| yadi khilAphatake praznameM tathya ho, usameM sarakArakI aorase anyAya hotA ho, to hiMduoMko musalamAnoMkA sAtha denA cAhie, aura isake sAtha go-rakSAko nahIM milA sakate / aura yadi hiMdU aisI koI zarta rakkheM to vaha jebA nahIM degii| musalamAna khilAphatameM madada lene ke lie , usake evajameM, govadha baMda kareM to isameM unakI zobhA nahIM; eka to par3ausI, phira eka hI bhUmike rahanevAle honeke kAraNa hiMduoMke manobhAvoMkA Adara karane ke lie yadi ve svataMtrarUpase govadha baMda kareM to yaha unake lie zobhAkI bAta hogii| yaha unakA kartavya hai; para yaha prazna svataMtra hai| yadi vAstavameM yaha unakA kartavya hai, aura ise ve apanA kartavya samajheM bhI, to phira hiMdU khilAphatameM madada kareM yA na kareM, para musalamAnoMko govadha baMda kara denA ucita hai| isa taraha donoM praznoMpara svataMtra rItise vicAra honA cAhie aura isa kAraNa sabhAmeM to sirpha khilAphatake viSayapara hI vicAra honA ucita hai| yaha merI dalIla thii| sabhAko vaha pasaMda AI / go-rakSAke savAlapara sabhAmeM carcA na huii| paraMtu mau0 abdula bArI sAhabane kahA--- hiMdU loga cAhe khilAphatameM madada kareM yA na kareM, hama cUMki eka hI mulkake haiM, musalamAnoMko hiMduoMke jajabAtake khAtira gokuzI baMda kara denI caahie| aura eka bAra to aisA hI pratIta huaA, mAno musala

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adhyAya 36 : khilAphatake badalemeM gorakSA? 483 mAna sacamuca hI go-vadha baMda kara deNge| kaI logoMne to yaha bhI sujhAyA ki paMjAbake savAlako bhI khilAphatake sAtha milA denA caahie| maiMne isakA virodha kiyaa| merI dalIla yaha thI-- paMjAbakA masalA sthAnika hai. paMjAba kaSToMke kAraNa hama sarakArake saMdhi-utsavase alaga nahIM raha skte| isalie paMjAbake mAmaleko khilAphatake sAtha jor3a denese hama nAdAnIke iljAmake pAtra bana jaayNge| merI yaha rAya sabako pasaMda aaii| isa sabhAmeM maulAnA hasarata mohAnI bhI the| unase jAna-pahacAna to ho hI gaI thii| para vaha kaise lar3avaiyA haiM, isa bAtakA anubhava maiMne yahIM kiyA / mere unake daramiyAna yahIMse mata-bheda zurU huA aura vaha aneka bAtoMmeM aMtataka kAyama rahA / aneka prastAvoMmeM eka yaha bhI thA ki hiMdU-musalamAna saba svadezI-vratakA pAlana kareM aura usake lie videzI kapar3ekA bahiSkAra kiyA jaay| khAdIkA punarjanma abhI nahIM ho sakA thaa| hasarata sAhabako yaha prastAva maMjUra nahIM ho sakatA thaa| vaha to cAhate the ki yadi aMgrejI saltanata khilAphatake bAremeM iMsApha na kare to usakA majA use cakhAyA jAya, ataeva unhoMne tamAma briTiza mAlakA yathAsaMbhava bahiSkAra sujhaayaa| maiMne samasta briTiza mAlake bahiSkArakI azakyatA aura anaucitya ke saMbaMdhameM apanI dalIleM peza kIM, jo ki aba to prasiddha ho cukI haiN| apanI ahiMsA-vRttikA pratipAdana maiMne kiyA / maiMne dekhA ki sabhApara merI bAtoMkA gaharA asara huaa| hasarata mohAnIkI dalIleM sunate hue loga itanA harSanAda karate the ki mujhe pratIta huA ki yahAM merI tUtIkI AvAja kauna sunegA ? para yaha samajhakara ki mujhe apane dharmase na cUkanA cAhie, apanI bAta chipA na rakhanI cAhie, maiM bolaneke lie uThA / logoMne mere bhASaNako khUba dhyAnase sunA / sabhA-maMcapara to merA pUrA-pUrA samarthana kiyA gayA aura mere samarthana meM ekake bAda eka bhASaNa hone lge| agraNI loga jAna gaye ki briTiza mAlake bahiSkArake prastAvase matalaba to kucha bhI nahIM sadhegA, ulaTe haMsI hokara raha jaaygii| sArI sabhAmeM zAyada hI koI aisA AdamI dikhAI par3atA thA, jisake badanapara koI-na-koI briTiza vastu na thii| sabhAmeM upasthita rahanevAle loga bhI jisa bAtako karane meM asamartha the usakA prastAva karanese lAbhake

Page #501
484 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 badale hAni hI hogI-- isa bAtako bahutere loga samajha gaye / ___ 'hameM to Apake videzI vastrake bahiSkArase saMtoSa ho hI nahIM sktaa| kisa dina hama apane lie sArA kapar3A yahAM banA sakeMge, aura kaba videzI vastrakA bahiSkAra hogA ? hama to koI aisI cIja cAhate haiM, jisase briTiza logoMpara turaMta asara ho / Apake bahiSkArase hamArA jhagar3A nahIM; para hameM to koI teja aura turaMta asara karanevAlI cIja btaaie|' isa AzayakA bhASaNa maulAnAne kiyaa| isa bhASaNako maiM suna rahA thaa| mere manameM vicAra uThA ki videzI vastrake bahiSkArake sAtha hI koI aura navIna bAta peza karanI caahie| usa samaya mujhe yaha to spaSTa mAlUma hotA thA ki videzI vastrakA bahiSkAra turaMta nahIM ho sktaa| solahoM AnA khAdI utpanna karanekI zakti yadi hama cAheM to hamAre aMdara hai, yaha bAta jo maiM Age cala kara dekha pAyA so usa samaya na dekha pAyA thaa| akelI mileM vaktapara dagA deMgI, yaha maiM taba bhI jAnatA thaa| jisa samaya maulAnA sAhabane apanA bhASaNa pUrA kiyA, usa samaya meM javAba deneke lie taiyAra ho rahA thA / mujhe usa naI cIjake lie urdU-hiMdI zabda na sUjhA / musalamAnoMkI aisI khAsa sabhAmeM yukti-yukta bhASaNa karanekA yaha mujhe pahalA hI anubhava thaa| kalakattemeM muslima-lIgakI sabhAmeM maiM kucha bolA thA; para vaha to kucha hI minaTake lie aura so bhI vahAM hRdayasparzI bhASaNa karanA thaa| yahAM to mujhe aise samAjako samajhAnA thA, jo mujhase viparIta mata rakhatA thA; para aba merI jheMpa miTa gaI thii| dehalIke musalamAnoMke sAmane sakIla urdU meM lacchedAra bhASaNa nahIM karanA thA balki apanA mata TUTI-phUTI hiMdImeM samajhAnA thaa| yaha kAma maiM acchI taraha kara sakA / hiMdI-urdU hI rASTrabhASA ho sakatI hai, isakA yaha sabhA pratyakSa pramANa / thii| yadi maiMne aMgrejI meM vaktRtA dI hotI to merI gAr3I Age nahIM cala sakatI thii| aura molAnA sAhabane jo pukAra kI usakA samaya na pAyA hotA aura yadi AtA to mujhe usakA uttara na miltaa| urdU athavA gujarAtI zabda na sUjha par3A, isase mujhe zarma mAlUma huI; para uttara to diyA hii| mujhe 'naoNna-kooNparezana' zabda hAtha lgaa| jaba maulAnA sAhaba bhASaNa kara rahe the taba mere mana meM yaha bhAva uTha rahA thA ki hama khuda kaI

Page #502
485 ' adhyAya 37 : amRtasara-kAMgresa bAtoMmeM jisa sarakArakA sAtha de rahe haiM usIke virodhakI jo ye saba bAteM karate haiM, so vyartha hai| talavArake dvArA pratikAra nahIM karanA hai, to phira usakA sAtha na denA hI usakA pratikAra karanA hai, yaha mujhe sUjhA aura mere mukhase pahalI bAra 'naoNna-kooNparezana' zabdakA uccAra usa sabhAmeM huaa| apane bhASaNameM maiMne usake samarthana meM apanI dalIleM peza kii| isa samaya mujhe isa bAtakA khayAla na thA ki isa zabdameM kyA bhAva A jAte haiN| isa kAraNa maiM unakI taphasIlameM nahIM gyaa| mujhe itanA hI kahA yAda par3atA hai-- "musalamAna bhAiyoMne eka aura bhI mArkekA phaisalA kiyA hai| khudA na khAstA agara sulahakI zarte usake khilApha gaIM to sarakArakI sahAyatA karanA baMda kara deNge| maiM samajhatA hUM, logoMkA yaha haka hai / sarakArI khitAboMko rakhane yA sarakArI naukarI karaneke lie hama baMdhe hue nahIM haiN| jabaki khilAphatake jaise majahabI mAmale meM hameM nukasAna pahuMcatA ho to hama usakI madada kaise kareMge? isalie agara khilAphatakA phaisalA hamAre khilApha jAya to sarakArako madada na denekA hameM haka hai / " para usake bAda to kaI mahInetaka isa bAtakA pracAra nahIM huaa| mahInoMtaka yaha zabda isa sabhAmeM hI chipA par3A rahA / eka mahIne ke bAda jaba amRtasarameM kAMgresa huI taba maiMne usameM asahayoga saMbaMdhI prastAvakA samarthana kiyA thaa| kyoMki usa samaya maiMne yahI AzA rakkhI thI ki hiMdU-musalamAnoMko asahayogakA avasara nahIM aayegaa| amRtasara-kAMgresa .phaujI kAnUnake anusAra saikar3oM nirdoSa paMjAbiyoMko nAmamAtrakI adAlatoMne nAmamAtrake lie sabUta lekara kama yA adhika miyAdake lie jelakhAnoMmeM ThaMsa diyA thA; paraMtu paMjAba sarakAra unheM jelameM rakha na sakI ; kyoMki isa ghora anyAyake khilApha dezameM cAroM ora itanI bulaMda AvAja uThI ki sarakAra ina kaidiyoMko adhika

Page #503
486 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 samayataka jela meM nahIM rakha sakatI thii| ataH kAMgresake adhivezanake pahale hI bahutere kaidI chUTa gaye the| lAlA harakizanalAla ityAdi saba netA rihA kara diye gaye the aura kAMgresakA adhivezana ho hI rahA thA ki alI-bhAI bhI chuTakara yA phuNce| isase logoMke harSakI sImA na rhii| paMDita motIlAla neharU jo apanI vakAlata baMda karake paMjAbameM DerA DAle baiThe the, kAMgresake adhyakSa the| svAmI zraddhAnaMdajI svAgata-samitike sabhApati the / abataka kAMgresameM merA kAma itanA hI rahatA thA--hiMdI meM eka choTAsA bhASaNa karake hiMdIkI vakAlata karanA aura pravAsI bhAratavAsiyoMkA pakSa upasthita kara denaa| amRtasarameM mujhe yaha patA na thA ki isase adhika kucha karanA par3egA; paraMtu apane viSayameM mujhe jaisA pahale anubhava huaA hai usIke anusAra yahAM bhI ekAeka mujhapara eka jimmedArI yA pdd'ii| - samrATkI navIna sudhAroM ke saMbaMdhama ghoSaNA prakAzita ho cukI thii| vaha mere najadIka pUrNa saMtoSajanaka nahIM thii| auroMko to bilakula hI pasaMda nahIM aaii| sudhAroMmeM bhI khAmI thI; paraMtu usa samaya merA yahI khayAla huA ki hama unako svIkAra kara sakate haiN| samrATke ghoSaNApatrameM mujhe lArDa siMhakA hAtha dikhAI diyA thaa| usakI bhASAmeM, usa samaya, merI AMkheM AzAkI kiraNeM dekha rahI thIM; hAlAMki anubhavI lokamAnya, cittaraMjana dAsa ityAdi yoddhA sira hilA rahe the| bhArata-bhUSaNa mAlavIyajI madhyastha the / - merA DerA unhoMne apane hI kamare meM rakkhA thaa| unakI sAdagIkI jhalaka mujhe kAzI meM vizva-vidyAlayake zilAropaNake samaya huI thI; paraMtu isa samaya to unhoMne mujhe apane hI kamaremeM sthAna diyA thaa| isalie maiM unakI sArI dinacaryA dekha sakA aura mujhe AnaMdake sAtha Azcarya huA thaa| unakA kamarA mAno garIbakI dharmazAlA thii| usameM kahIM bhI rAstA nahIM chUTA thA, jahAM-tahAM loga DerA DAle hue the| na usameM ekAMta kI guMjAiza thI, na phailAva kI / jo cAhatA vahAM A jAtA aura unakA manamAnA samaya le jaataa| isa darabeke eka konemeM merA darabAra arthAt khaTiyA lagI huI thii| para yaha adhyAya mujhe mAlavIyajIke rahana-sahanake varNanameM kharca nahIM karanA hai| isalie apana viSayapara A jAtA huuN|

Page #504
adhyAya 37 : amRtasara-kAMgresa 487 isa sthitimeM mAlavIyajIke sAtha roja saMvAda huA karatA thA aura vaha mujhe saba pakSoMkI bAteM usI taraha premapUrvaka samajhAte, jaisA ki bar3A bhAI choTeko samajhAtA hai| mujhe yaha jAna par3A ki sudhAra-saMbaMdhI prastAvameM mujhe bhAga lenA caahie| paMjAba hatyAkAMDa saMbaMdhI kAMgresakI riporTa kI jimmedArImeM merA hAtha thA hii| paMjAbake saMbaMdhameM sarakArase kAma bhI lenA thaa| khilAphatakA mAmalA thA hii| yaha bhI merI dhAraNA thI ki mAMTegU hiMdustAnake sAtha dagA nahIM hone deNge| kaidiyoMke aura usameM bhI alI-bhAiyoMke chuTakAreko maiMne zubha cihna mAnA thaa| isalie maiMne socA ki sudhAroMko svIkAra karanekA prastAva honA caahie| kiMtu cittaraMjana dAsakI majabUta rAya thI ki sudhAroMko bilakula asaMtoSajanaka aura adhUrA mAna unako rada kara denA caahie| lokamAnya kucha taTastha the; paraMtu dezabaMdhu jisa prastAvako pasaMda kareM usake pakSameM apanI zakti lagAnekA nizcaya unhoMne kiyA thA / aise bhuktabhogI sarvamAnya lokanAyakoMse merA matabheda mujhe asahya ho rahA thaa| dUsarI ora merA antarnAda spaSTa thaa| maiMne kAMgresake adhivezanameMse bhAga jAnekA prayatna kiyaa| paMDita motIlAlajI neharU aura mAlavIyajIko maiMne sujhAyA ki mujhe adhivezanameM gairahAjira rahane denese saba kAma sadha jAyaMge aura maiM mahAn netAoMke isa matabhedase bhI baca jaauuNgaa| para yaha bAta ina donoM bujurgoM ko na pttii| lAlA harakizanalAlake kAnapara bAta Ate hI unhoMne kahA-- "yaha kabhI nahIM ho sakatA / paMjAbiyoMko isase bar3I coTa phuNcegii|" lokamAnya aura dezabaMdhuke sAtha mazavarA kiyaa| zrI jinAse bhI milaa| kisI taraha koI rAstA nahIM niklaa| maiMne apanI vedanA mAlavIyajIke sAmane rakkhI / . .. "samajhauteke AsAra mujhe nahIM dikhAI dete; yadi mujhe apanA prastAva peza karanA hI par3e to aMtako mata to lene hI pdd'eNge| mata liye jAne kI suvidhA yahAM mujhe dikhAI nahIM detI / Ajataka bharI sabhAmeM hama loga hAtha hI UMce uThavAte Aye haiN| darzakoM aura sadasyoMkA bheda hAtha UMcA karate samaya nahIM rhtaa| aisI vizAla sabhAmeM mata ginane kI suvidhA hamAre yahAM nahIM hotI, isalie yadi maiM apane prastAvake saMbaMdhameM mata livAnA cAhUM bhI to usakA prabaMdha nhiiN|" maiMne kahA /

Page #505
488 Atma-kathA : bhAge 5 lAlA harakizanalAlane isakI saMtoSajanaka suvidhA kara denekA bIr3A utthaayaa| unhoMne kahA ki jisa dina mata lenA ho usa dina darzakoMko na Ane deMge, sirpha pratinidhi hI prAveMge aura mata ginA denekA jimmA merA; para Apa kAMgresakI baiThakameM gairahAjira nahIM raha sakate / aMtako maiM hArA / maiMne apanA prastAva banAyA aura bar3e saMkocake sAtha use peza karanA svIkAra kiyaa| zrI jinA aura mAlavIyajI samarthana karanevAle the| bhASaNa hue| maiM dekha sakatA thA ki yadyapi hamAre matabhedameM kahIM kaTutA na thI, bhASaNa meM bhI dalIloMke sivA aura kucha na thA, phira bhI sabhA itane matabheda ko sahana nahIM kara sakatI thI, aura use duHkha ho rahA thaa| sabhA ekamata cAhatI thii| udhara bhASaNa ho rahe the, para idhara bheda miTAne ke prayatna cala rahe the| ApasameM ciTThiyAM jA pA rahI thiiN| mAlavIyajI to hara tarahase samajhautA karaneke lie mihanata kara rahe the / itane meM jayarAmadAsane apanA sujhAva mere hAthameM rakkhA aura bar3e madhura zabdoMmeM mata dene ke saMkaTase pratinidhiyoMko bacA lenekA anurodha mujhase kiyaa| mujhe vaha pasaMda A gyaa| mAlavIyajIkI najara to cAroM ora aAzAkI khojameM phira rahI thii| maiMne kahA ki yaha saMzodhana donoMko svIkAra ho sakatA hai| lokamAnyako batAyA, unhoMne kahA, dAsako pasaMda ho to mujhe Apatti nhiiN| dezabaMdhu pighala gye| unhoMne vipinacaMdra pAlakI ora dekhaa| mAlavIyajIko aba pUrI AzA baMdha gaI aura unhoMne ciTThI hAthase chIna lii| dezabaMdhuke muMhase 'hAM' zabda abhI pUrA nikalA hI nahIM thA ki vaha bola uThe-- " sajjanoM, Apa yaha jAnakara prasanna hoMge ki samajhautA ho gayA hai|" phira to kyA pUchanA thA ? tAliyoMkI harSadhvanise sArA maMDapa gUMja uThA aura logoMke ceharoMpara jahAM gaMbhIratA thI vahAM khuzI camaka uThI / yaha prastAva kyA thA, usakI carcA karanekI yahAM jarUrata nahIM, kyoMki yaha prastAva kaise huA, yahI batAnA mere ina prayogoMkA viSaya hai / samajhautene merI jimmedArI bar3hA dI /

Page #506
adhyAya 38 : kAMgresameM praveza 489 489 38 kAMgresameM praveza kAMgresameM yaha jo mujhe bhAga lenA par3A, ise maiM kAMgresa meM apanA praveza nahIM maantaa| usake pahale kI kAMgresakI baiThakoMmeM gayA so to kevala vaphAdArIkI nizAnIke taurapara / eka choTe-se-choTe sipAhIke sivA vahAM merA dUsarA kAma kucha hogA, aisA AbhAsa mujhe dUsarI pichalI sabhApoMke saMbaMdhameM nahIM huA aura na aisI icchA hI huii| kiMtu amRtasarake anubhavane batAyA ki merI eka zaktikA upayoga kAMgresake lie hai| paMjAba-samitike mere kAmase lokamAnya, mAlavIyajI, motIlAlajI, dezabaMdhu ityAdi khuza hue the, yaha maiMne dekha liyA thaa| isa kAraNa unhoMne mujhe apanI baiThakoMmeM aura salAha-mazavaremeM bulAyA / itanA to maiMne dekhA ki thA viSayasamitikA saccA kAma aisI baiThakoMmeM hotA thA aura aise mazavaroMmeM khAsakara ve loga hote, jinapara netAoMkA khAsa vizvAsa yA AdhAra hotA; para dUsare loga bhI kisI-na-kisI bahAne ghusa jAyA karate / __ AgAmI varSa kiye jAnevAle do kAmoMmeM merI dilacaspI thI; kyoMki unameM merA caMcupAta ho gayA thA / eka thA jaliyAMvAlAbAgake kallakA smAraka / isake lie kAMgresane bar3I zAnake sAtha prastAva pAsa kiyA thaa| usake lie koI pAMca lAkha rupayekI rakama ekatra karanI thii| usake TrasTiyoMmeM merA bhI nAma thaa| dezake sArvajanika kAryoMke lie bhikSA mAMganekA bhArI sAmarthya jina logoMmeM hai, unameM mAlavIyajIkA naMbara pahalA thA aura hai| maiM jAnatA thA ki merA darjA unase bahata ghaTakara na hogaa| apanI isa zaktikA AbhAsa mujhe dakSiNa aphrIkAmeM milA thA / rAjA-mahArAjAoMpara jAdU pherakara lAkhoM rupaye pAnekA sAmarthya mujhameM na thA, na Aja bhI hai| isa bAtameM mAlavIyajIke sAtha pratispardhA karanevAlA maiMne kisIko nahIM dekhA; para jaliyAMvAlAbAgake kAmameM una logoMse dravya nahIM liyA jA sakatA, yaha maiM jAnatA thaa| ataeva isa smArakake lie dhana juTAnekA mukhya bhAra mujhapara .

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460 Atma-kathA : bhAMga 5 par3egA, yaha bAta maiM TrasTIkA pada svIkAra karate samaya samajha gayA thaa| aura huA bhI aisA hI / isa smArakake lie baMbaIke udAra nAgarikoMne peTa bharake dravya diyA aura Aja bhI logoMke pAsa usake lie jitanA cAhie, rupayA hai; paraMtu isa hiMdU, musalamAna aura sikkha ke mizrita khUnase pavitra huI bhRmipara kisa tarahakA smAraka banAyA jAya, arthAt Aye hue dhanakA upayoga kisa taraha kiyA jAya, yaha vikaTa prazna ho gayA hai; kyoMki tInoMke bIca prathavA doke bIca dostI ke badale duzmanIkA bhAsa ho rahA hai / merI dUsarI zakti masavade taiyAra karane kI thI, jisakA upayoga kAMgresake lie ho sakatA thA / bahuta dinoMke anubhava se kahAM, kaise aura kitane kama zabdoM meM avinaya-rahita bhASA likhanA meM sIkha gayA hUM - yaha bAta netA loga samajha gaye the / usa samaya kAMgresakA jo vidhAna thA, vaha gokhalekI dI huI pUMjI thI / unhoMne kitane hI niyama banA rakhe the, jinake prAdhArapara kAMgresakA kAma calatA thA / ve niyama kisa prakAra bane, isakA madhura itihAsa maiMne unhIMke mukhase sunA thA, para aba saba yaha mAnate the ki kevala unhIM niyamoMke balapara kAma nahIM cala sakatA / vidhAna banAnekI carcA bhI prativarSa calA karatI / kAMgresake pAsa aisI vyavasthA hI nahIM thI ki jisase sAre varSa bhara usakA kAma calatA rahe athavA bhaviSya ke viSayameM koI vicAra kare / yoM maMtrI usake tIna rahate; para kArya - vAhaka maMtrI " to eka hI hotA / aba yaha eka maMtrI daphtarakA kAma karatA yA bhaviSyakA vicAraM karatA, yA bhUtakAla meM lI huI jimmedAriyAM cAlU varSa meM adA karatA ? isalieyaha prazna isa varSa sabakI dRSTimeM adhika prAvazyaka ho gayA / kAMgresa meM to hajAroMkI - bhIr3a hotI hai, vahAM prajAkA kArya kaise calatA ? pratinidhiyoMkI saMkhyAkI hada nahIM thI / hara kisI prAnta se jitane cAheM pratinidhi mA sakate the / hara koI pratinidhi ho sakatA thA / isalie isakA kucha prabaMdha honekI AvazyakatA sabako mAlUma huI / vidhAnakI racanA karanekA bhAra maiMne apane sirapara liyA / kiMtu merI eka zarta thIM / janatA para maiM do netAoMoMkA adhikAra dekha rahA thA |islie maiMne unake pratinidhikI mAMga apane sAtha kii| maiM jAnatA thA ki netA loga khuda zAMti ke sAtha baiThakara vidhAnakI racanA nahIM karate the / ataeva lokamAnyatathA dezabaMdhu ke pAsa se unake do vizvAsapAtra nAma maiMne mAMge / inake atirikta

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adhyAya 36 : khAdIkA janma 461 dasarA koI saMgaThana-samitimeM na honA cAhie, yaha maiMne sujhAyA / yaha sUcanA svIkRta huii| lokamAnyane zrI kelakarakA aura dezabaMdhane zrI AI0 bI0 senakA nAma diyaa| yaha vidhAna-samiti eka dina bhI sAtha milakara na baitthii| phira bhI hamane apanA kArya calA liyaa| isa vidhAnake saMbaMdha mujhe kucha abhimAna hai| maiM mAnatA hUM ki isake anusAra kAma liyA jA sake to Aja hamArA ber3A pAra ho sakatA hai / yaha to jaba kabhI ho; paraMtu maiM mAnatA hUM ki isa javAbadehI ko leneke bAda hI maiMne kAMgresameM sacamuca praveza kiyA / 36 khAdIkA janma majhe yAda nahIM ki sana 1908 taka maiMne carakhA athavA karaghA dekhA ho| phira bhI maiMne 'hiMda-svarAjya' meM yaha mAnA hai ki carakhe dvArA bhAratakI garIbI mittegii| aura jisa mArgase dezakI bhukhamarI miTegI usIse svarAjya bhI milegaa| yaha to eka aisI bAta hai ki jise saba koI samajha sakate haiN| jaba maiM san 1915 meM dakSiNa aphikAse bhArata AyA, usa samaya bhI maiMne carakhAke darzana nahIM kiye the| Azrama kholanepara eka karaghA lA rakkhA / karaghA lA rakhane meM bhI mujhe bar3I kaThinAI huii| hama saba usake prayogase aparicita the, ataH karaghA prApta kara lene.. bharase vaha cala to nahIM sakatA thaa| hamameM yA to kalama calAnevAle ikaTaThe hue. the, yA vyApAra karanA jAnanevAle the; kArIgara koI bhI nahIM thaa| isalie karaghA mila jAnepara bhI bunAIkA kAma sikhAnevAle kI jarUrata thI / kAThiyAvAr3a aura pAlanapurase karaghA milA aura eka sikhAnevAlA bhI aagyaa| para usane apanA sArA hunara nahIM batAyA; lekina maganalAla gAMdhI aise nahIM the ki hAthameM liye hue kAmako jhaTa chor3a deN| unake hAthameM kArIgarI to thI hI, ataH unhoMne banAIkA kAma pUrI taraha jAna liyA aura phira eka-ke-bAda-eka naye bunakara pAzramameM taiyAra ho gye| hameM to apane kapar3e taiyAra karake pahanane the| isalie abase milake

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462 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 kapar3e pahanane baMda kiye, pAzramavAsiyoMne hAthake karaghepara dezI milake sUtase vunA hunA kapar3A pahananekA nirNaya kiyaa| isase hamane bahuta kucha siikhaa| bhAratake julAhoMke jIvanakA, unakI AmadanIkA, sUta prApta karane meM honevAlI unakI kaThinAiyoMkA, ve usameM kisa taraha dhokhA khAte the aura dina-dina kisa taraha karjadAra ho rahe the, Adi bAtoMkA hameM patA claa| aisI paristhiti to thI nahIM ki zIghra hI hama apane kapar3e Apa buna skeN| ataH bAharake bunanevAloMse hameM apanI jarUratake mutAbika kapar3A bunavA lenA thA; kyoMki dezI milake sUtase hAthabunA kapar3A julAhoMke pAsase yA vyApAriyoMse zIghra hI nahIM milatA thaa| julAhe acchA kapar3A to sabakA-sava vilAyatI sUtakA hI banate the| isakA kAraNa yaha hai ki hamArI mileM mahIna sUta nahIM kAtatI thiiN| Aja bhI mahIna sUta ve kama hI kAtatI haiN| bahuta mahIna to vaha kAta hI nahIM sktiiN| bar3e prayatnake bAda kucheka julAhe hAtha lage, jinhoMne dezI sUtakA kapar3A buna denekI miharabAnI kI / ina julAhoMko AzramakI taraphase yaha vacana denA par3A thA ki unakA bunA huA dezI sUtakA kapar3A kharIda liyA jaaygaa| isa taraha khAsa taurapara bunAthA kapar3A hamane pahanA aura mitroMmeM usakA pracAra kiyaa| hama sUta kAtanevAlI miloMke binA tanakhvAhake ejeMTa bana gye| miloMke paricayameM Anese unake kAma-kAjakA, unakI lAcArIkA hAla hameM mAlUma huaa| hamane dekhA ki, miloMkA dhyeya khuda kAtakara khuda buna lenA thaa| ve hAtha-karaghekI icchA-pUrvaka sahAyaka nahIM thIM; balki anicchApUrvaka thiiN| ____ yaha saba dekhakara hama hAthase kAtane ke lie adhIra ho utthe| hamane dekhA. ki jabataka hAthase na kAteMge tabataka hamArI parAdhInatA banI rhegii| hameM yaha. pratIti nahIM huI ki miloMke ejeMTa banakara hama deza-sevA karate haiN| lekina na to carakhA thA, na koI carakhA calAnevAlA hI thaa| kukar3iyAM bharaneke carakhe to hamAre pAsa the; lekina yaha khayAla to thA hI nahIM ki unapara sUta kata sakatA hai| eka bAra kAlIdAsa vakIla eka mahilAko DhUMDha lAye / unhoMne kahA ki yaha kAtakara btlaayeNgii| usake pAsa naye kAmoMko sIkha lene meM pravINa eka AzramavAsI bheje gaye; lekina hunara hAtha na AyA / - samaya bItane lgaa| maiM adhIra ho uThA thaa| AzramameM AnevAle una

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adhyAya 40 : mila gayA 493 logoMko, jo isa saMbaMdha meM kucha bAteM kaha sakate, maiM pUchatA; lekina kAtanekA ijArA to striyoMkA hI thA / ataH kAtanevAlI strI to kahIM kisI strIko hI mila sakatI thI / san 1917kI bhar3auMcakI zikSA pariSad meM gujarAtI bhAI mujhe ghasITa le gaye / vahAM mahAsAhasI vidhavA bahana gaMgAbAI hAtha lgiiN| vaha bahuta par3hIlikhI nahIM thI; lekina unameM sAhasa aura samajha zikSita bahanoMmeM sAdhAraNataH jitanI hotI hai, usase adhika thI / unhoMne apane jIvanameMse chuAchUtakI jar3a khoda DAlI thI aura vaha niDara hokara aMtyajoMse milatI tathA unakI sevA karatI thIM / unake pAsa rupayA-paisA thA; lekina unakI apanI AvazyakatA bahuta thor3I thI / unakA zarIra sugaThita thA aura cAhe jahAM akele jAne meM vaha tanika bhI saMkoca nahIM karatI thiiN| vaha to ghor3ekI savArI ke lie bhI taiyAra rahatIM / isa bahana se maiMne godharAkI pariSad meM vizeSa paricaya bddh'aayaa| maiMne apanI vyathA unheM kaha sunAI aura jisa taraha damayaMtI nalakI talAza meM ghUma rahI thI usI taraha carakhekI khoja meM ghUmane kI bAta svIkAra karake unhoMne merA bojha halakA kara diyA / 40 mila gayA gujarAta meM khUba ghUma cukaneke bAda gAyakavAr3I rAjya ke bIjApura gAMva meM gaMgAbahanako carakhA milaa| vahAM bahuta se kuTuMboMke pAsa carakhA thA, jise unhoMne TAMDapara car3hAkara rakha chor3A thA; lekina agara koI unakA katA sUta le le aura unheM pUniyAM barAbara dI jAyaM to ve kAtaneke lie taiyAra the / gaMgAbahanane mujhe khabara dI aura mere harSakA pAra na rhaa| pUnI pahuMcAne kA kAma kaThina jAna par3A / svargIya bhAI umara subAnI se bAtacIta karanepara unhoMne apanI milase pUniyAM pahuMcAnekI jimmedArI apane sira lI / maiMne ye gaMgAbahanake pAsa bhejiiN| isapara to sUta itanI tejI se taiyAra hone lagA ki maiM thaka gayA / bhAI umara subAnIkI udAratA vizAla hote hue bhI Akhira usakI

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494 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 sImA thI / pUniyAM kharIdakara lenemeM mujhe saMkoca huA / aura milakI pUniyAM lekara kAtanemeM mujhe bahuta doSa pratIta huA / agara milakI pUniyAM lete haiM to phira sUta lene meM kyA burAI hai ? hamAre purakhAnoMke pAsa milakI pUniyAM kahAM thI ? kisa taraha pUniyAM taiyAra karate hoMge ? maiMne gaMgAbahanako sujhAyA ki vaha pUniyAM banAnevAle ko DhUMDheM / unhoMne yaha kAma apane sira liyaa| eka piMjAreko DhUMDha nikAlA / use hara mahIne 35) yA isase bhI adhika vetanapara niyukta kiyA / usane bAlakoMko pUnI banAnA sikhalAyA / maiMne ruIkI bhIkha maaNgii| bhAI yazavaMtatrasAda dezAIne rukI gAMTheM pahuMcAnekA kAma apane jimme liyA / aba gaMgAbahanane kAma ekadama bar3hA diyaa| unhoMne bunakaroMko AbAda kiyA aura kate hue sUtako banavAnA zurU kiyA / aba to bIjApurakI khAdI mazahUra ho gaI / dUsarI ora aba zrama meM bhI carakhA dAkhila karanemeM dera na lagI / maganalAla gAMdhI ne apanI zodhaka zakti se carakhemeM sudhAra kiye aura carakhe tathA takale zrama taiyAra hue| zrAzramakI khAdI ke pahale thAnapara kI gaja 1 - ) kharca / maiMne mitroMke pAsa moTI, kacce sUtakI khAdI ke eka gaja Tukar3eke vasUla kiye, jo unhoMne khuzI-khuzI diye / ) baMbaI meM maiM roga zaiyyA para par3A huA thA; lekina sabase pUchA karatA / vahAM Satara vAlI bahaneM milIM / unheM eka sera sUtapara eka rupayA diyA / maiM abhItaka khAdIzAstra meM aMdhe jaisA thA / mujhe to hAtha -katA sUta cAhie thA aura kAtanevAlI striyAM cAhie thIM / gaMgAbahana jo dara detI thIM usase tulanA karate hue mujhe mAlUma huA ki maiM ThagA jA rahA hUM / ve bahana kama lene ko taiyAra na thIM, isalie unheM chor3a denA par3A; lekina unakA upayoga to thA hii| unhoMne zrI avaMtikAbAI, ramAbAI kAmadAra, zrI zaMkaralAla baiMkara kI mAtAjI aura zrI vasumatI bahanako kAnA sikhAyA aura mere kamaremeM carakhA gUMja utthaa| agara maiM yaha kahUM ki isa yaMtrane mujhe rogI se nirogI banAne meM madada pahuMcAI, to pratyukti na hogI / yaha saca hai ki yaha sthiti mAnasika hai / lekina manuSyako rogI yA nIroga banAne meM manakA hissA kauna kama hai ? maiMne bhI carakheko hAtha lagAyA; lekina isa samaya maiM isase Age nahIM bar3ha sakA thA / saba savAla yaha uThA ki yahAM hAthakI pUniyAM kahAMse mileM ? zrI revAzaMkara

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adhyAya 40 mila gayA 465 jauharI ke baMgaleke pAsase tAMtakI AvAja karatA huA eka dhuniyA roja nikalA karatA thaa| maiMne use bulAyA / vaha gadde-gaddiyoMkI ruI dhunatA thaa| usane pUniyAM taiyAra karake denA maMjUra kiyA; lekina bhAva UMcA mAMgA aura maiMne diyA bhii| isa taraha taiyAra sUta maiMne vaiSNavoMko ThAkurajIkI mAlAke lie paise lekara becaa| bhAI zivajIne baMbaImeM carakhAzAlA kholii| isa prayogameM rupaye ThIkaThIka kharca hue| zraddhAlu dezabhaktoMne rupaye diye aura maiMne unheM kharca kiyA / merI namra sammatimeM yaha kharca vyartha nahIM gyaa| usase bahuta kucha sIkhaneko milA; sAtha hI maryAdAkI mApa milii| aba maiM ekadama khAdImaya honeke lie adhIra ho utthaa| merI dhotI desI milake kapar3ekI thii| bIjApurameM aura pAzramameM jo khAdI banatI thI vaha bahuta moTI aura tIsa iMcake arjakI hotI thii| maiMne gaMgAbahanako cetAyA ki agara vaha paiMtAlIsa iMca arjakI khAdIkI dhotI eka mahIne ke bhItara na de sakeMgI to mujhe moTI khAdIkA paMcA pahanakara kAma calAnA pdd'egaa| gaMgAbahana ghabarAIM, unheM yaha mIyAda kama mAlUma huI; lekina himmata nahIM haarii| unhoMne eka mahIneke bhItara hI mujhe pacAsa iMca arjakA dhotI-jor3A lA diyA aura merI daridratA dUra kara dii| - isI bIca bhAI lakSmIdAsa lAThIgAMvase aMtyaja bhAI rAmajI aura unakI patnI gaMgAbahanako AzramameM lAye aura unake dvArA laMbe arjakI khAdI bunavAI / khAdIke pracArameM isa daMpatIkA hissA aisA-vaisA nahIM kahA jA sktaa| unhIMne gujarAtameM aura gujarAtake bAhara hAtha-kate sUtako bunanekI kalA dUsaroMko sikhAI hai| yaha nirakSara lekina saMskRta bahana jaba karaghA calAne baiThatI haiM to usameM itanI tallIna ho jAtI haiM ki idhara-udhara dekhanekI yA kisI ke sAtha bAta karanekI bhI phurasata apane lie nahIM rahane detIM /

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466 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 41 eka saMvAda jisa samaya svadezIke nAmapara yaha pravRtti zurU huI usa samaya milamAlikoMkI porase merI khUba TIkA hone lgii| bhAI umara subAnI svayaM hoziyAra aura sAvadhAna mila-mAlika the, isalie vaha apane jJAnase to mujhe phAyadA pahuMcAte hI the; lekina sAtha hI vaha dUsaroMke mata bhI mujhe sunAte the| unameMke eka milamAlikakI dalIlakA asara bhAI umara suvAnIpara bhI par3A aura unhoMne mujhe unake pAsa le calanekI bAta khii| maiMne unakI isa bAtakA svAgata kiyA aura hama una mila-mAlikake pAsa gye| vaha kahane lage-- ___yaha to Apa jAnate haiM na ki ApakA svadezI AMdolana koI pahalA AMdolana nahIM hai ?" - maiMne javAba diyA-- "jI haaN|" "Apa yaha bhI jAnate haiM ki baMga-bhaMgake dinoMmeM svadezI-prAMdolanane khUba jora pakar3A thA? isa AMdolanase hamArI miloMne khUba lAbha uThAyA thA aura kapar3ekI kImata bar3hA dI thI; jo kAma nahIM karanA cAhie, vaha bhI kiyA thaa|" " maiMne yaha saba sunA hai, aura sunakara duHkhI huA huuN|" " maiM Apake duHkhako samajhatA hUM; lekina usakA koI kAraNa nahIM hai| hama paropakArake lie apanA vyApAra nahIM karate haiN| hameM to naphA kamAnA hai| apane milake bhAgIdAroM (zeyara holDaroM) ko javAba denA hai| kImatakA AdhAra to kisI cIjakI mAMga hai| isa niyamake khilApha koI kyA kaha sakatA hai ? baMgAliyoMko yaha avazya hI jAna lenA cAhie thA ki unake AMdolanase svadezI kapar3ekI kImata jarUra hI bar3hegI / " " ve to becAre mere samAna zIghra hI vizvAsa kara lenevAle Thahare, isalie unhoMne yaha mAna liyA thA ki mila-mAlika ekadama svArthI nahIM bana jAyaMge; dagA to kabhI deMge hI nahIM, aura na kabhI svadezIke nAmapara videzI vastra hI beceNge|" " mujhe yaha mAlUma thA ki Apa aisA mAnate haiM isIlie maiMne Apako

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* adhyAya 41 : eka saMvAda 467 sAvadhAna kara denekA vicAra kiyA aura yahAMtaka pAnekA kaSTa diyA, jisase bhole-bhAle baMgAliyoMkI bhAMti Apa bhI bhUlameM na raha jAyaM / " yaha kahakara seThane apane eka gumAzteko apane namUne lAneke lie izArA kiyA / namUne raddI sUtase bane hue kaMvalake the| unheM lekara unhoMne kahA " dekhie, yaha nayA mAla hamane taiyAra kiyA hai / isakI bAjArameM acchI khapata hai ; raddIse banA hai, isa kAraNa sastA to par3atA hI hai / isa mAlako hama TheTha uttarataka pahuMcAte haiN| hamAre ejeMTa cAroM ora phaile hue haiN| isase Apa yaha to samajha sakate haiM ki hameM Apake sarIkhe ejeMToMkI jarUrata nahIM rahatI / saca vAta to yaha hai ki jahAM Apa-jaise logoMkI AvAja taka nahIM pahuMcatI, vahAM hamAre ejeMTa aura hamArA mAla pahuMca jAtA hai| hAM, Apako to yaha bhI jAna lenA cAhie ki bhAratako jitane mAlakI jarUrata rahatI hai utanA to hama banAte bhI nhiiN| isalie svadezIkA savAla to, khAsakara utpattikA savAla hai| jaba hama Avazyaka parimANameM kapar3A taiyAra kara sakeMge aura jaba usakI kismameM sudhAra kara sakeMge, taba paradezI kapar3A apane-Apa AnA baMda ho jAyagA / isalie merI to yaha salAha hai ki Apa jisa DhaMgase svadezI AMdolanakA kAma kara rahe haiM, usa DhaMgase mata kIjie aura naI mileM khar3I karanekI tarapha apanA dhyAna lgaaie| hamAre yahAM svadezI mAlako khapAnekA aAMdolana Avazyaka nahIM hai, AvazyakatA to svadezI mAla utpanna karanekI hai|" "agara maiM yaha kAma karatA hoUM to Apa mujhe AzIrvAda deMge na ?" maiMne kahA / __"yaha kaise ? agara Apa mila khar3I karanekI koziza karate hoM to Apa dhanyavAdake pAtra haiN|" _ "yaha to maiM nahIM karatA huuN| hAM carakheke uddhAra-kArya meM avazya lagA huA huuN|" "yaha kaunasA kAma hai ?" maiMne carakhekI bAta sunAI aura kahA-- " maiM Apake vicAroMse sahamata hotA jA rahA huuN| mujhe miloMkI ejeMsI nahIM lenI cAhie / uso to lAbhake badale hAni hI hai / miloMkA mAla

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Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 yoM hI nahIM par3A rhtaa| mujha to kapar3A utpanna karane meM aura taiyAra kapaDeko khapAne meM laga jAnA caahie| abhI to maiM kevala utpattike kAmameM hI lagA hayA huuN| mai isa tarahakI svadezImeM vizvAsa rakhatA hUM; kyoMki usake dvArA bhAratakI bhUkhoM maranevAlI AdhI bekAra striyoMko kAma dilAyA jA sakatA hai| ve jo sUta kAteM use bunavAnA aura isa taraha taiyAra khAdI logoMko pahanAnA hI merA kAma hai aura yahI merA aAMdolana hai| carakhA-prAMdolana kitanA saphala hogA yaha to maiM nahIM kaha sktaa| abhI to usakA zrIgaNeza-mAtra huA hai / lekina majhe usameM pUrA vizvAsa hai| cAhe jo ho, yaha to nirvivAda hai ki isa AMdolana se koI hAni nahIM hogii| isa AMdolanake kAraNa hiMdustAnameM taiyAra honevAle kapar3emeM jitanI vRddhi hogI, utanA lAbha hI hogaa| isalie isa kozizameM ApakA batalAyA huA doSa to nahIM hai / " "agara Apa isa taraha isa AMdolanakA saMcAlana karate hoM to mujhe kucha bhI kahanA nahIM hai / yaha eka judI bAta hai ki isa yaMtrayugameM carakhA TikegA yA nahIM phira bhI, maiM to ApakI saphalatA hI cAhatA huuN|" asahayogakA pravAha isake bAda khAdIkI tarakkI kisa taraha huI, usakA varNana ina adhyAyoMmeM nahIM kiyA jA sktaa| yaha batalA cukane para ki kauna-kauna cIja kisa taraha janatAke sAmane AI, usake itihAsameM utaranA ina adhyAyoMkI sImAke bAharakI bAta hai / aisA karanese to una-una viSayoMkI e ka-eka pustaka hI alaga ta yAra ho jaaygii| yahAM maiM to kevala yahI batAnA cAhatA hUM ki satyakI zodha karate hue kisa taraha judI-judI bAteM mere jIvanameM eka-ke-bAda-eka anAyAsa AtI gii| . isalie maiM mAnatA hUM ki aba asahayogake bAremeM kucha bAteM batAnekA samaya A gayA hai| khilAphatake bAremeM alI-bhAiyoM kA jabaradasta AMdolana

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adhyAya 42 : asahayogakA pravAha 42& to cala hI rahA thA / svargIya maulAnA abdula bArI vagairA ulemAoM ke sAtha isa viSaya meM khUba bahasa huii| isa bAre meM khAsa taurapara taraha-taraha se vicAra hote rahe ki musalamAna zAMti aura ahiMsAkA kisa hada taka pAlana kara sakate haiM aura Akhira yaha phaisalA huA ki eka hadataka bataura eka nItike usakA pAlana karane meM koI harja nahIM aura yaha bhI taya huA ki jo eka bAra hiMsA kI pratijJA le le, vaha sacAI se usakA pAlana karane ke lie baMdhA hai / prakhira sahayogakA prastAva khilAphata kAnphreMsa meM peza kiyA gayA aura laMbI bahasake bAda vaha pAsa huA / mujhe yAda hai ki eka bAra usake lie ilAhAbAdameM sArI rAta sabhA hotI rahI / zurU-zurU meM sva0 hakIma sAhaba ko zAMtipUrNa sahayogakI zakyatAke saMbaMdha meM zaMkA thI; lekina unakI zaMkA dUra ho jAne para vaha usameM zAmila ho gaye aura unakI madada bahuta kImatI sAbita huI / isake bAda gujarAta meM rAjanaitika pariSadkI baiThaka huii| isa pariSad meM maiMne asahayogakA prastAva rakkhA / pariSad meM prastAvakA virodha karanevAlekI pahalI dalIla yaha thI ki jabataka kAMgresa asahayogakA prastAva pAsa nahIM karatI hai tabataka prAMtIya pariSadoMko usake pAsa karane kA adhikAra nahIM / maiMne javAba meM kahA ki prAMtIya pariSadeM pIche paira nahIM haTA sakatIM; lekina Age kadama bar3hAnekA adhikAra to tamAma adhIna saMsthAnoMko hai; yahI nahIM, balki agara unameM himmata ho to aisA karanA unakA dharma bhI hai; isase to pradhAna saMsthAkA gaurava bar3hatA hai / isake bAda prastAvake guNadoSoMpara bhI acchI aura mIThI bahasa huii| phira mata ye gae aura bar3e bahumata se asahayogakA prastAva bhI pAsa ho gayA / isa prastAvake pAsa hone meM abbAsa taiyabajI aura vallabhabhAIkA bahuta bar3A hissA thA / abbAsa sAhaba adhyakSa the aura unakA jhukAva asahayogake prastAvakI aura hI thA / mahAsamitine isa praznapara vicAra karaneke lie kAMgresakI eka khAsa baiThaka 1920 ke sitaMbara mahInemeM bulAnekA nizcaya kiyA / bahuta bar3e paimAnepara taiyAriyAM huI / lAlA lAbhapatarAya adhyakSa cune gaye / baMbaIse khilAphata aura kAMgresa spezaleM chUTIM / kalakatte meM sadasyoM aura darzakoMkA bahuta bar3A samudAya ikaTThA huA | maulAnA zaukataalI ke kahane para maiMne asahayoga ke prastAvakA masavidA

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500 Atma-kathA : bhAga 5 rela meM taiyAra kiyA / isa samayataka mere masavidoMmeM zAMtimaya zabda prAyaH nahIM zrAtA thA / maiM apane bhASaNoMmeM usakA upayoga karatA thaa| lekina jahAM kele musalamAna bhAiyoMkI sabhA hotI vahAM zAMtimaya zabdase maiM jo kucha samajhAnA cAhatA, samajhA nahIM sakatA thA; isalie maiMne maulAnA abulakalAma zrAjAdase isake lie dUsare zabda puuche| unhoMne 'bAzramana' zabda batalAyA aura asahayogake lie 'tarphe mavAlAta' zabda sujhAyA / isa taraha jaba gujarAtImeM, hiMdI meM, hiMdustAnI meM sahayoga kI bhASA mere dimAga meM taiyAra ho rahI thI usI samaya, jaisA ki maiM Upara kaha cukA hUM, kAMgresake lie eka prastAva taiyAra karanekA kAma mere jimme AyA / usa prastAvameM 'zAMtimaya' zabda nahIM yA pAyA thA / prastAva taiyAra kara cukanepara TrenameM hI maiMne use maulAnA zaukataalI ke havAle kara diyA thA / rAtameM mujhe khayAla AyA ki khAsa zabda 'zAMtimaya' to prastAvake masavidemeMse chUTa gayA hai / maiMne mahAdevako usI samaya jaldI se bhejA aura kahalavAyA ki chApane ke pahale usameM 'zAMtimaya' zabda bhI jor3a diyA jAya / mujhe yAda A rahA hai ki isa zabdake jur3aneke pahale hI prastAva chapa cukA thA / usI rAtako viSaya samiti kI baiThaka thI, isalie bAdameM mujhe masavide meM 'zAMtimaya' zabda jor3anA pdd'aa| sAtha hI maiMne yaha bhI mahasUsa kiyA ki agara maiMne pahalese hI prastAva taiyAra na kara liyA hotA to bar3I kaThinAI hotI / tisapara bhI merI hAlata to dayAjanaka hI thii| mujhe isa bAtakA patA bhI nahIM thA ki kauna to mere prastAvako pasaMda kareMge aura kauna usake vizeSameM boleNge| mujhe isa bAta kA bhI vilakula patA na thA ki lAlAjIkA jhukAva kisa tarapha hai / kalakatte meM purAne anubhavI yoddhAgaNa ekatra hue the / viduSI enI beseMTa, paMDita mAlavIyajI, vijayarAghavAcArya, paMDita motIlAlajI, dezabaMdhu vagairA netA unameM mukhya the / mere prastAvameM khilAphata aura paMjAbake granyAyoMko lekara hI asahayoga karane kI bAta kahI gaI thii| zrI vijayarAghavAcAryako itanese saMtoSa na huA / unakA kahanA thA, "agara asahayoga karanA hai to phira kisI khAsa anyAya ko lekara hI kyoM kiyA jAya ? svarAjyakA prabhAva to bar3e-se-bar3A anyAya hai, ise lekara

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adhyAya 42 : asahayogakA pravAha hI asahayoga kiyA jAnA caahie|" motIlAlajI bhI yaha jor3anA cAhate the| maiMne turaMta hI yaha sujhAva maMjUra kara liyA aura prastAvameM svarAjyakI mAMga bhI jor3a dii| laMbI, gaMbhIra aura kucha teja bahasake bAda asahayogakA prastAva pAsa ho gayA / sabase pahale motIlAlajI aAMdolanameM zAmila hue| usa samaya mere sAtha unakI jo mIThI bahasa huI thI, vaha mujhe abataka yAda hai / kahIM thor3e zabdoMko badala denekI vAta unhoMne kahI thI aura maiMne vaha maMjUra kara lI thii| dezavaMdhuko rAjI kara lenekA bIr3A unhoMne uThAyA thaa| dezabaMdhukA dina asahayogakI tarapha thA, lekina unakI buddhi unase kaha rahI thI ki janatA asahayogake bhArako saha nahIM skegii| dezabaMdhu aura lAlAjI pUre asahayogI to nAgapurameM bane the| isa vizeSa adhivezanake avasarapara mujhe lokamAnyakI anupasthiti bahuta jyAdA khaTakI thii| Aja bhI merA yaha mata hai ki agara vaha jiMdA rahate to avazya hI kalakatteke prasaMgakA svAgata karate / lekina agara yaha nahIM hotA aura vaha usakA virodha karate, to bhI mujhe vaha acchA lagatA aura maiM usase bahuta-kucha zikSA grahaNa krtaa| merA unake sAtha hamezA matabheda rahA krtaa| lekina yaha matabheda madhura hotA thaa| unhoMne mujhe sadA yaha mAnane diyA thA ki hamAre bIca nikaTakA saMbaMdha hai| ye paMktiyAM likhate hae unake avasAnakA citra merI aAMkhoMke sAmane ghUma rahA hai| AdhI rAta ke samaya mere sAthI paTavardhanane TelIphona dvArA mujhe unakI mRtyukI khabara dI thii| usI samaya maiMne apane sAthiyoMse kahA thA-- "merI bar3I DhAla mujhase china gaI !" isa samaya asahayogakA AMdolana pUre jorapara thaa| mujhe unase AzvAsana aura preraNA pAnekI AzA thii| Akhira jaba asahayoga pUrI taraha mUrtimAna huA thA taba unakA kyA rukha hotA so to daiva hI jAne; lekina itanA mujhe mAlUma hai ki dezake itihAsakI isa nAjuka ghar3ImeM unakA na honA savako khaTakatA thA /