Aatmkathao

Author(s): Muktichandravijay, Munichandravijay
Publisher: Shantijin Aradhak Mandal Manfara
Catalog link: https://jainqq.org/explore/008964/1

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AtmakathAo * divya AzIrvAda * adhyAtmayogI pUjya AcAryadeva zrImad vijaya kalApUrNasUrIzvarajI ma.sA. * AzIrvAda * pUjya AcAryadeva zrImad vijaya kalAprabhasUrIzvarajI ma.sA. pUjya paM. zrI kalpataruvijayajI gaNivara ******************************** * lekhaka * paM. mukticandravijaya gaNi paM. municandravijaya gaNi saMpAdaka muni muktibhramaNavijaya * prakAzake . zAnti jina ArAdhaka maMDala c/o. bhogIlAla gAMdhI zAntiniketana, P.0. manapharA, jI. kaccha, tA. bhacAu, pIna : 370 140. phona : (02837) 286638 Mi Mi Mi Mi Mi Mi Lei Mi Lei Mi Lei Chai Chai Chai Chai

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========= pustaka : AtmakathAo lekhaka : paM. mukticandravijaya gaNi paM. municandravijaya gaNi * i.sa. 2003, vi.saM. 2060 * paDatara mUlya : rU. 103/ * nakala : 1500 saMparka : * TIku Ara. sAvalA POPULAR PLASTIC HOUSE 39, D. N. Road, Sitaram Building, 'B' Block, Near Crowford Market, MUMBAI - 400 do1. Ph. (022) 23436369, 23436807, 23441141 SHANTILAL CHAMPAK B. DEDHIA : 20, Pankaj "A", Plot No. 171, L.B.S. Marg, Ghatkopar (W), Pin - 400 086. * Ph. : (022) 25101990 jaina upAzraya : 187, jaina maMdira roDa, sAyana hospiTala pAse, sAyana (vesTa), muMbai - 400 022. dhanajI bI. sAvalA : hIrena pepara mATe : phlAya ovara brija sAme, relave sTezana pAse, sahAra roDa, aMdherI (isTa), muMbai - 69.* mobAilaH 98200 35836 * mudraka : Tejas Printers 403, Vinal Vihar Apartment, 22, Saraswati Society, Near Jain Merchant Society, Paldi, AHMEDABAD - 7. * Ph. : (079) 6601045 =================== amAruM nivedana... sAyana saMghanA AMgaNe vi.saM. 2059nA cAturmAsArthe kaccha vAgaDadezoddhAraka pUjya AcAryadeva zrImad vijaya kanakasUrIzvarajI ma.sA.nA praziSya adhyAtmayogI sva. pU. AcAryadeva zrImad vijaya kalApUrNasUrIzvarajI ma.sA.nA padhararatna parama zAsana prabhAvaka pUjya AcAryadeva zrImad vijaya kalAprabhasUrIzvarajI ma.sA.nI AjJAthI padhArelA pUjya paM. zrI muktica'vijrasTa, pUjya paM. zrI muniyandravijayajI, pU. munizrI mahAgirivijayajI, pU. munizrI muktAnaMdavijayajI, pU. munizrI muktivica, pU. munizrI muktivaraNavijrapa, pU. munizrI muktinilayavijayajI tathA pU. munizrI muktimananavijayajI Adi tathA yuga-divAkara pUjya AcAryadeva zrImad vijaya dharmasUrIzvarajI ma.sA.nA samudAyanAM pU. sA. priyaMvadAzrIjInAM ziSyAo pU. sA. jyotiprabhAzrIjI tathA pU. sA. pIyUSakalAzrIjI AdinuM aSA. su. 10nA pavitra dine padArpaNa thatAM amArA saMghamAM AnaMda ane ullAsanuM vAtAvaraNa chavAi gayuM. - pratidina kahe kalApUrNasUri graMtha para rocaka - bodhaka pravacano, sAdhvIjI mahArAja dvArA bapore mahilAo samakSa zrIcandra rAjAnA rAsa para pravacano, ravivArIya zizu-zibira, zanivArIya mahilA-zibira, sAmudAyika aSTApada tapa, sAMkaLI aTTama, vivecana aSTApada-pUjA, RSimaMDala mahApUjana, gautamasvAmInA chaThTha, paryuSaNA mahAparva daramyAna 16 - 11 - 10 - 9 upavAso, 61 aThThAi, aneka aTTama, pU. munizrI mukticaraNavijayajI dvArA vardhamAna tapanI 9 10 11 oLI tathA pU. munizrI muktinilayavijayajI dvArA vardhamAna tapanI 1 thI 13 oLInI ArAdhanA temaja pU.sA. jyotiprabhAzrIjI dvArA aSTApada tapanI ArAdhanA, pU. dAdAzrI jItavijayajI, pU.A.zrI kanakasUrijI ma., pU.A.zrI vijayadharmasUrijI, pU.A.zrI vijayajayAnaMdasUrijI Adi upakArI guru-bhagavaMtonA te te prasaMge guNAnuvAda, paryuSaNa mahAparvanI zAnadAra ujavaNI, paryuSaNa pachI bhavya rathayAtrA, sAdharmika bhakti, cembaranI caitya-paripATI, aSTAhnikA mahotsava, vardhamAna tapanA pAyA, Atma kathAo * 3 -

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Aso mahinAnI zAzvatI oLInI ArAdhanA, kahe kalApUrNasUri-1 tathA kahe kalApUrNasUri-2 (kahyuM kalApUrNasUrie) graMthanI parIkSA, sAyana - prajA maMDala samakSa mananIya pravacana, mahilAomAM bhagavAnanA pAraNA banAvavAnI spardhA, dIvALInA 60 chaThTha, dIvALInA vekezanamAM cAra divasanI zizu-zibira, AzAlayanA AMgaNe bhavya cAturmAsa parivartana, mATuMgA - luhAravADImAM pU. kanakasUrijInI svargatithinA prasaMge zrI vAgaDa sAta covIzI samAja samakSa guNAnuvAda - pravacana, manapharAnA samAja samakSa pravacana, zakrastava kaMThasthIkaraNa spardhA, mauna ekAdazInI ArAdhanA, poSI dazamanA prasaMge aTTama, sAmudAyika traNa ekAsaNA tathA zAntisnAtra, samUha sAmAyika Adi aneka anuSThAno dvArA amAruM sAyananuM A cAturmAsa eka madhura saMbhAraNuM banI gayuM che. pUjyazrIe sAhityakSetre paNa ThIka-ThIka vikAsa sAdhyo che. atyAra sudhImAM pUjya baMdhu-belaDInA 30 jeTalAM pustako prakAzita thaI cUkyAM che. jemAM kahe kalApUrNasUrinA cAra bhAgo atyaMta lokapriya thayA che. zAlibhadra kAvya-TIkA, duvyAzraya - mahAkAvya - anuvAda, abhidhAna - cittAmaNi - nAmamAlA, zabdamAlA - vagere pUjyazrInAM pustako abhyAsI sAdhu-sAdhvIjIone khUba ja upayogI banyAM che. AvuM badhuM jANyA pachI amArA zrIsaMghe paNa pUjyazrInA eka pustakanA prakAzanano nirNaya karyo. AtmakathAo nAmanuM A pustaka jo ke agAu prakAzita thai cUkyuM che, paNa e pustaka atyAre aprApya banatAM ame punaH prakAzanArthe nirNaya karyo che. e pustakamAM parakAyapraveza tathA kahe kumArapALa pustaka paNa saMmilita karavAmAM AvyAM che. pUjyazrInAM A traNeya pustako AtmakathA svarUpe ja che. aneka pAThazALAomAM ekapAtrI abhinayanA prasaMge A pustako upayogI banI rahyAM che, tevuM jANI ame gauravAnvita banyA chIe. prastuta pustakanuM prakAzana vAcakone parama-pada mATe preraka banI raho, evI bhAvanApUrvaka viramIe chIe. li. sAyana jaina saMgha, muMbai. Atma kathAo * 4 dvitIya AvRtti prasaMge ghaNA vAcako AtmakathAo, parakAya-praveza vagere pustakonI mAMgaNI karatA hatA ane jaNAvatA hatA ke A pustakomAM navInatA che, vAMcatAM AnaMda Ave che, koi navI duniyAnI saphara karI hoya tevuM lAge che. pAThazALAmAM thatA eka-pAtra abhinayamAM (vezabhUSA spardhAmAM) AmAMnA saMvAdo ghaNA kAma lAge che. mATe A pustako hoya to Apo. pustako khalAsa thai gayelA hovAthI ame temane ApI zakatA nahi. sAyana jaina saMghanI vinaMtIthI ane sahayogathI traNeya pustako (AtmakathAo, parakAya-praveza, kahe kumArapALa)nuM ekIsAthe prakAzana thai rahyuM che. A kAryamAM utsAha dAkhavanAra lalitabhAi, jayasukhabhAi, ramaNIkabhAi, kauzikabhAi vagere dhanyavAdAI che. sAhitya-rasika izvarabhAi popaTalAla (jAmanagara, sAyana)nI sUcanAo paNa kAma lAgI che. - udAratApUrvaka Arthika sahayoga ApanAra sAyana saMghanA bhAio tathA anya dAtAo dhanyavAdane pAtra che. AtmakathAo', "parakAya praveza' ane 'kahe kumArapALa' - A traNeya pustakono A eka ja pustakamAM samAveza karAyo che tathA keTalAka navA kathA-lekho paNa umerAyA che. vAcako AnA vAMcanathI satreraNA prApta kare, tevI apekSA che. - paM. mukticandravijaya gaNi - paM. municandravijaya gaNi sAyana (muMbaI) mAMga. su. 8, budhavAra (pU. kalApUrNasUrijIno 31mo AcArya-pada-divasa) vi.saM. 2060 tA. 26-11-2003 Atma kathAo * 5

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anukramaNikA 205 210 217 , , ja , 3 % , , * lekhaka - saMpAdaka taraphathI... ('AtmakathAo'nI prathama AvRttimAMthI) .... (1) huM amarakumAra ......... (2) huM naMdipeNa (sevAmUrti) ... (3) huM aSADhAcArya, (4) huM avaMtIsukumAla .. huM mRgAvatI.. . ..... huM rohiNiyo.... (7) huM caMDakauzika .. (8) huM megharatha..... huM dazArNabhadra ............... o , 8 6 , = che , & S S ja de 4 EUR , R @ o , 6 , 5 A , $ dj 311 (28) huM paMthaka .. (29) huM skaMdhakAcArya. (30) huM manoramAM. huM nAgazrI ... (32). huM sukumArikA ............ (33) huM sunnatAzrI ..... (34) huM nami .......... (35) huM yakSA ............. (36) huM koNika .................. (37) ame caMDALa cokaDI ............ (38) mArA bhAi mahArAja .. (39) huM citrakAra (40) huM somadatta ....... (41) huM zAradAnaMdana...... (42) huM aMjanA .... (43) huM IlAcI putra........ (44) huM nUpurapaMDitA .. (45) huM rAjarANI (sAdhvI) ..... (46) huM aimutto (47) huM vaja .. (48) huM manaka .. (49) huM abhaya. (50) huM saMgama ............. (51) huM subhaga...... (52) huM devapAla............... (53) huM hemacandra......... (54) huM yazovijaya .............. * prAkathana | ('kahe kumArapALa'nI prathama AvRttimAMthI) * pariziSTa (55) huM kumArapALa (1) pUrvabhava .......... (2) rajhaLapATa ........... (3) huM rAjA banyo .... aeo ly (11) huM prasannacandra .. (12) huM anAthI .... (13) huM naMdiSeNa (zreNikaputra)................. (14) huM kapila ..... (15) huM sanaskumAra.................. (16) huM skaMdhaka ...... (17) huM acUMkArI bhaTTA .. (18) huM arjunamALI. (19) huM sukozala ................... (20) huM caMDarudrAcArya.................. (21) huM pradezI ............. l l l 110 113 4 che 347 354 3pa6 . 3pa8 6 (22) huM nAgaketu ---- l ly o = m = e 6i l ly & 179 (23) ame sATha hajAra ............... (24) huM dAmajJaka lekhaka - saMpAdaka taraphathI... ('para kAya - pravezanI prathama AvRttimAMthI) (25) huM caMdanA ................ (26) huM trivikrama... (27) huM subUma.............. Atma kathAo * 6 180 188 ++++374 * * * * * * * * * 82 196 Atma kathAo * 7

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(5) me mitra, 418 * = * = 6i. = che = haM che = = *.... che = ja = 6 = = = = = = ja = = = = $ meM mAMsAhAra choDyo 405 meM mithyAtva choDyuM .. 409 amAri pravartana....... 413 (7) mAruM dharmayuddha ............. (8) kaMTakezvarI devIno prakopa..................... (9) maMkoDo bacAvavA . . (10) pratilekhakanuM sanmAna . .. (11) kAzImAM ahiMsA-pracAra....... (12) mArA tAbedAra rAjAonI ahiMsA .... (13) rudatI-dhana-tyAga... (14) mArI sAdharmika-bhakti .............. (15) mAruM zikSaNa, (16) tailapanuM AkramaNa ................... (17) mArI Aratika **** (18) sALavI pADo. (19) mAMsAhAranI smRti tathA prAyazcitta.... (20) keTalIka ghaTanAo........... (21) mArAM sukRto... 457 (22) mArA gurudevanuM svargArohaNa... (23) mAruM mRtyu ane te pachInuM vizva-nirIkSaNa.. 46 2 (56) huM meghakumAra.... (57) huM rAvaNa ........ huM drAviDa kama ma ++++++ ++++++++++++++++++ huM vAmana .... (60) huM mammaNa (pUrva bhava)................. 509 (61) huM marIci.... 519 (62) huM nArada..... 525 huM bharata (dvidhAvasthA) .................. pa30 huM kALiyo kasAi ................ mamamama, 535 sahAyakone dhanyavAda ... 540 'bhUkaMpamAM bhramaNa' pustaka viSe gujarAta rAjaya abhilekhAgAra .. 543 * abhiprAyonI helI ..... .. 544 = S = lekhaka - saMpAdaka taraphathI... ('AtmakathAonI prathama AvRttimAMthI) cAra anuyogomAM kathAnuyoganuM paNa mahattvapUrNa sthAna che. kathA bALakathI mAMDIne sau koine pasaMda paDatI hoya che. kathAnA mAdhyamathI bALa-jIvo siddhAntane sahelAithI grahaNa karI zakatA hoya che. AthI ja ApaNe tyAM bIjA anuyogo karatAM kathAnuyoganuM vipula sAhitya che. jenI mAMga ghaNI hovAnI tenuM pramANa vadhu ja rahevAnuM. laukika sAhityamAM paNa navalakathAonuM ja pramANa vadhu jovA maLe che. lokone dharmAbhimukha banAvavA mATe kathA atyaMta coTadAra sAdhana che. kathA vAcakanA hRdayamAM sIdhI nahi, ADakatarI asara kare che. koine paNa ApaNe sIdhA ja upadeza ApavA maMDIe : krodha khUba ja kharAba che. durgatidAyaka che. krodha karIne tuM kevo kharAba banyo che ? choDI de krodha. to bhAgye ja e A vAta svIkAraze. paNa jo ApaNe ene caMDakauzika vagerenuM dRSTAMta kahIzuM to tene manamAM thaze : ApaNe caMDakauzika nathI thavuM. krodha nathI karavo. te ApoApa krodhano tyAga karavA taiyAra thai jaze. | siddhAMtanI sIdhI vAta AkAzamAMthI paDatI vIjaLI jevI che. e pakaDI na zakAya, paNa jo deSTAMtarUpI tAra maLI jAya to tenuM AsAnIthI vahana thai zake. kathA siddhAMtarUpa vIjaLIne vahana karatA tAra jevI che. traNa prakAranI upadeza paddhati che. (1) prabhu samita : jemAM upadezake rAjAnI jema zrotAne AjJA kare. tuM A kara. A na kara ityAdi (siddhAMta) (2) mitra samita : jemAM upadezaka mitranI jema zrotAne tarkathI, hetuthI samajAve. jema ke rAtribhojana nahi karavuM joie. kAraNa ke rAtribhojanathI narakAdi durgatio to maLe ja che, paNa zarIranuM Arogya paNa bagaDe che. vagere... (nyAyAdi zAstra) (3) kAntA samita : patnI jema potAnA patine premapUrvaka samajAve tema upadezaka zrotAne kathApUrvaka samajAve. (kAvya-kathA-zAstra) Atma kathAo * 9 S ja ja (58) G (pa) 6 Atma kathAo * 8

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A trIjA prakAranI paddhati vadhu Adara yogya banI che. kAraNa ke temAM zrotAne bhArekhamapaNuM lAgatuM nathI. * prastuta prakAzana - AtmakathAo : kathAomAM paNa khuda kathA-nAyaka ja AvIne kahe to kevI raMgata jAme ? vAMcatAM keTalo AnaMda Ave ? prastuta pustakamAM Avo ja prayoga thayo che. kathA-pAtro svayaM AvIne kahI rahyA hoya te rIte Alekhana thayuM che. kathAkAra khuda kaMi kahe te karatAM kathA-pAtra svayaM ja potAnI vAta kahe e lakhanAra ane vAMcanAra - baMne mATe vadhu rasaprada bane - e hetuthI ahIM e prakAranuM Alekhana karavAmAM AvyuM che. mukhyatAe zAnti saurabha mAsika mATe taiyAra thayelI ane e ja mAsikamAM prakAzita thayelI 24 AtmakathAono A pustakamAM samAveza karavAmAM Avyo che. prastuta prakAzananA vAMcana dvArA jIvo Atma-kalyANanA mArge AgaLa vadhe e ja zubhecchA. jaina upAzraya TembInAkA, thANA (mahArASTra) zrA.va.4, vi.saM. 2054 pU. kanakasUrijInI 35mI svargatithi - gaNi mukticandravijaya - muni suniyandravijaya Atma kathAo * 10 (1) huM amarakumAra eka kavie kahyuM che H izvara badhe pahoMcI zakato nathI, mATe teNe mAtAnuM sarjana karyuM che. keTalI mIThAza che : mA' zabdamAM ? madha, sAkara ke drAkSa - e badhAnI mIThAza phIkI paDe. "mIThA madhu ne mIThA mehulA re lola tethI mIThI te mArI mAta re jananInI joDa sakhI nahi jaDe re lola.' AvuM kahetAM kavie keTaluM badhuM kahI dIdhuM che ? mA te mA bIjA badhA vagaDAnA vA' vagere kahevato paNa mAno ja mahimA batAve che. AvI mA kyAreya putranI zatru bane ? putra mAtAno zatru banI zake, paNa mA kadI nahi. putro nAyeta vaSiSa mAtA 7 mati' putra kuputra thAya paNa mAtA kumAtA kadI na thAya. paNa A saMsAra vicitratAono bhaMDAra che. ahIM kyAreka mAtA paNa kumAtA banI zake che. bIje kyAM jovA jaie ? mArI ja vAta lone ! mArI mAtA ja mArI veraNa banI hatI. mAnuM nAma to hatuM bhadrA, paNa eNe kadI mAruM bhadra (kalyANa) karyuM nahi. e to sadA mArA mATe bhadrA (viSTi) ja banI rahI. cAra bhAiomAM huM sauthI nAno. sAmAnya rIte nAno mAne sauthI vadhu priya hoya, paNa mArA jIvanamAM UlaTuM hatuM. huM ja sauthI vadhu apriya hato. duniyAthI dAjhelo mANasa ThaMDaka pAmavA mA pAse jAya, paNa mAmAMthI ja agnijvALA pragaTe to ? bALaka mATe to mA e ja vizrAntinuM aMtima sthAna... paNa mArA mATe to e klezanuM sthAna banI ! amAruM AkhuM kuTuMba garIbImAM ja sabaDatuM hatuM. jIvatI-jAgatI Atma kathAo - 11

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garIbAi jovI hoya to amAruM kuTuMba joi lo. garIbI sAthe klezakaMkAza paNa jaDelA hoya che. ame brAhmaNa hatA. brAhmaNa eTale mAMganArI jAta ! mAMganAro mANasa kadI paisAdAra thAya kharo ? ekavAra mAMgIne khAvAnI Teva paDI gai, pachI e nIkaLatI nathI. vagara mahenate maphatanuM maLatuM hoya to mahenata zA mATe karavI ? mahenata vagara amAruM kuTuMba ALasu banI gayuM hatuM. ALasa hoya tyAM garIbI ghusI ja jAyane ! ame ja garIbIne sAme caDIne bolAvI hatI. ALasu mANase kadI garIbI mATe pharIyAda karavI joie nahi. mArA pitAjI RSabhadAsa ALasu thaine paDyA rahetA ane mArI mA bhadrA Akho divasa jhagaDyA karatI, gALo bakyA karatI ! Ama ne Ama roja sAMja paDI jatI. moTA bhAge huM to bhUkhyo ja sUi jato. mane yAda nathI meM kyAreya peTa bharIne khAdhuM hoya ! DhAma... DhIma... DhIma... DhAma... DhIma... eka divasa amArA rAjagRha nagaramAM Dhola pITAyo ! ame sau cokannA banI gayA. amane ghoSaNA saMbhaLAi : sAMbhaLo... sAMbhaLo... sau prajAjano ! sAMbhaLo... Apa sau jANo ja cho ke ApaNA mahArAjA zrI zreNika navI citrazALA banAvI rahyA che, paNa teno daravAjo vAraMvAra tUTI jAya che. A aMge brAhmaNa paMDitoe rAjAne salAha ApI che ke koi batrIsa lakSaNA bALakano homa karo. to... Avo bALaka je, koi mAtA-pitA rAjAne Apaze, rAjA tene te bALakanA vajana jeTaluM sonuM Apaze." A DhaMDhero sAMbhaLI mArA mAtA-pitA khuza-khuzAla thai gayA. jANe loTarI lAgI gaI. emaNe vicAryuM : ApaNane cAra putro che. emAMthI eka ApI daie to? ekano kharca bacaze, ne vaLI aDhaLaka sonuM maLaze. ATaluM sonuM ApaNane A janamamAM jovAya kyAM maLavAnuM ? A amAro amariyo Ameya aLakhAmaNo che, ApaNane dITheya nathI gamato... basa... ene ApI daie, ApaNuM ne rAjAnuM baMnenuM kAma thaze. Atma kathAo * 12 DhaMDhero tyAM ja aTakAvI devAmAM Avyo. mane bali tarIke ApavAmAM AvI rahyo che A jANatAM ja huM to kaMpI UThyo : jIvatejIva saLagI javAnuM ? e paNa koi gunA vinA ? zA mATe ? mANasa jevA mANasane agnimAM homI devo ? A kevA brAhmaNo? A kevo yajJa ? A kevo rAjA ? koi kahenAruM ja nathI ? AvA yajJane dharma kahevAya? Ane dharma kahevAya to adharma kone kahIzuM? mArA manamAM praznonI jhaDI varasI. paNa mArA praznono javAba ApanAruM koi nahotuM. javAba to zuM koi sAMbhaLavAya taiyAra nahotuM. huM mAtA-pitA pAse gayo ane caraNomAM mAthuM mUkIne kahevA lAgyo : maherabAnI karIne paisA khAtara mane mArI na nakhAvo. paisA mahAna che ke jIvana mahAna ? vAghaNa paNa potAnA baccAne mArI nAkhatI nathI... mA ! tuM mA thaine A zuM kare che ? pitAjI ! Apa zuM joyA karo cho? huM Apano ja aMza chuM. mArI hatyA e aMzataH ApanI ja hatyA nathI ? paNa mAtA-pitAnI AMkho sonAthI aMjAyelI hatI. mArI sAmuMya jovA taiyAra nahotA... tyAM bacAvavAnI vAta ja kyAM ? Ameya emane huM gamato hoto... ne vadhumAM mane ApavAthI sonuM maLatuM hatuM ! Avo moko teo cUke ? eka paMtha do kAja ! balA paNa TaLe ane sonuM paNa maLe ! pachI to huM kAkA, mAmA, mAsA vagere badhA svajano pAse gayo... paNa koinA peTanuM pANI na hAlyuM. koi mane bacAvavA AgaLa na AvyuM. saMsAranI svArthodhatA enA nagnasvarUpe mane jovA maLI. badhA sagAoe eka ja javAba Apyo : "tArA mAtA-pitA ja jyAM tane veMcI detA hoya tyAM ame zuM karIe ? tArA para saMpUrNa hakka tArA mAtA-pitAno che. tuM emanI pAse ja jA. kAma thaze to tyAMthI thaze. nahi to kyAMyathI nahi thAya." badhA AvI salAha ApIne chuTI gayA, paNa koie mArA mAtApitAne samajAvavAnI kozIza na karI. ApaNe zuM ? maraze to amara maraze... ApaNe zuM levA-devA ? AvA khyAlomAM rAcatA sagAo pAsethI vadhu apekSA rakhAya paNa zuM? Atma kathAo * 13

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mane pakaDIne rAjA pAse laI javAmAM Avyo. rAjAe mArA vajana jeTaluM sonuM mArA mAtA-pitAne ApyuM. teo rAjIreDa thai gayA. emanuM kAma thai gayuM. huM rAjAnA caraNomAM paDyo ane AjIjI karavA lAgyo : rAjanuM ! Apa to saunA nAtha cho. prajAnuM rakSaNa karavAnuM kAma ApanuM che. rakSaNanA sthAne Apa bhakSaNa karazo to prajAe kyAM javuM ? vADa ja cIbhaDAM khAvA lAge to kyAM javuM ? pANImAMthI ja Aga lAge to kyAM javuM? rAjanuM ! Apa sAmarthyavAna cho. game tema karIne mane jIvana-dAna Apo. huM jANuM chuM ke Apa citrazALA banAvavA mAMgo cho. to zuM koinA raktathI raMjita thayelI ApanI citrazALA pavitra gaNAze ? enA pAyAmAM koinA nasAsA paDyA hoya e zuM ApanA mATe zobhAspada vAta che? citrazALA eka taiyAra na thai to zuM aTakI javAnuM che ? kadAca thai gai to kaI zobhA vadhavAnI che ? zobhA to nahi vadhe paNa rAjan ! sAcuM kahuM chuM ke ApanI apakIrti vadhaze. duniyA kaheze : A kevo dUra rAjA ? eka citrazALA khAtara eka nirdoSa bALakanI hatyA karAvI ! rAjana ! saMsAranI koi paNa nirjIva cIja karatAM ekanA jIvananI vadhu kiMmata che. koi paNa jaDa padArtha koinA jIvanathI vadhAre mUlyavAna nathI. zreSThamAM zreSTha mahela karatAM paNa eka bALaka mahAna che; bhale te kadarUpuM kema na hoya ? rAjA mArI dalIlo sAMbhaLI dayArdra banI gayo hoya tema lAgyuM, paNa huM joi rahyo hato ke yajJanA paMDAo rAjAne izArAthI samajAvI rahyA hatA : haM... ema dayA na karAya ! e to ema ja cAlyA kare. rAjAe mane kahyuM: "jo amara ! meM to tane sonuM ApIne kharIdelo che. AmAM mAro koi doSa nathI. doSa vecanArano che, tArA mA-bApano che. temaNe sonA khAtara tane vecyo che. huM to je karuM chuM te nyAyapUrvaka ja karuM chuM. huM dhArata to tArA jevA koi bALakane baLajabarIthI ahIM lAvI zakata, paNa mArA hRdayamAM rahelI nyAyaniSThatA mane tema karavA maMjUrI ApatI nathI. AmAM mAro koi anyAya hoya to mane jaNAva." rAjAnI AgaLa huM vadhu to zuM boluM ? Atma kathAo * 14 huM mauna rahI gayo. mane vicAra Avyo : A paMDAo dharmanA nAme keTalA mANasonI A rIte katala karatA haze ? keTalA bakarAo AmAM homAtA haze ? bicArA abola prANIo kone pharIyAda karavA jAya ? huM mANasa chuM. bolavA mATe samartha chuM. chatAM mAruM paNa koI sAMbhaLatuM nathI tyAM bicArA bakarAonuM koNa sAMbhaLe ? mAruM cAle to eka ja jhATake yajJonA badhA ja balidAno aTakAvI dauM! A badhA paMDAo yajJanA nAme mAtra potAnI svAda-lAlasA poSe che. maMtra-saMskRta bakarAonuM mAMsa khAvAmAM emane koi pApa lAgatuM nathI. emaNe potAnI rasa-lAlasA poSavA pote ja dharmazAstro banAvI kADhyA che ! mAruM cAle to pUrA bhAratavarSamAM A kuprathAono aMta ANI dauM ane karoDo nirdoSa prANIone bacAvI laUM... paNa atyAre huM mArI jAtane paNa bacAvI zakato nhoto, tyAM bIjAnI vAta ja kyAM ? mane hRSTa-puSTa bhaTToe pavitra pANIthI snAna karAvyuM, kesara-caMdananuM vilepana karyuM ane gaLAmAM phUlamALA paherAvatAM kahyuM : vatsa ! tuM dhanya che. tane mRtyu pachI sIdhuM svargamAM sthAna maLaze. yajJamAM to puNya hoya tene ja homAvAnuM saubhAgya maLe ! bhaTTonI A babUcaka jevI vANI sAMbhaLI mAruM mana bolI UThyuM : alyA mUrakhAo ! jo A ja rIte svarga maLI jatuM hoya to tamArA mAbApone mokalI do ne ? are... tame pote ja svarge pahoMcI jAva ne ! ThIka.. have... e bicArAo para paNa zuM gusse thavuM? teo kare paNa zuM ? paraMparA ja emane evI maLI che. moTA bhAganA loko paraMparAnI ja pUjA karanArA hoya che. khoTI paraMparAne paDakAranAro to lAkhomAM eka hoya che. AvI apekSA A bhaTTo pAsethI kyAMthI rakhAya ? emanI dALa-roTI AvI paraMparAothI ja cAlI rahI che. eTale teo to paraMparAne barAbara vaLagI rahe te svAbhAvika ja che. paNa have e badhI vicAraNAo meM phagAvI dIdhI. vicAraNAo karavAno koI artha paNa hoto. kAraNa ke have mAro aMtakALa mane sAme dekhAto hato. Atma kathAo * 15

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pAMca miniTamAM ja tamAre marI javAnuM hoya to tame zuM karo ? navakAra maMtramAM tallIna banI jAva. kharuMne ? huM paNa navakAra maMtramAM tallIna banI gayo. tame kahezo : paNa tame to brAhmaNa hatA. gAyatrI AvaDe e barAbara, paNa navakAra kyAMthI AvaDavyo ? hA... to e vAta huM kahevAnI bhUlI gayo. eka vakhata jyAre huM jaMgalamAM lAkaDAM kApavA gayelo tyAre mane eka jaina muni maLelA, temaNe mane navakAra maMtra zIkhavyo hato. e navakAra huM haMmezAM gaNato hato. navakAra gaNatAM ja mArA badhA ja lezo sApha thai jatA. huM atyaMta prasannatA anubhavato. atyAre to mRtyu sAme dekhAtuM hatuM. eTale meM mana ekadama navakAramAM parovI dIdhuM. navakAra sivAya huM badhuM ja bhUlI gayo, are... mRtyu paNa bhUlI gayo. have mane yajJa-kuMDa pAse lAvavAmAM Avyo. agni-kuMDamAM bhaDa.. bhaDa... karatI javALAo AkAzane AMbI rahI hatI. paNa huM to nirbhaya thai navakAramAM DUbI gayo hato. paMDAoe mane UMcakIne agni-jvALAomAM homI dIdho. paNa... A zuM? navakAranA prabhAvathI adezya rIte AvelA devoe mane siMhAsana para besADI dIdho. agnijvALA zAMta thai gai. rAjA ane paMDAo UMdhA mAthe jamIna para paTakAyA. rAjAnA moDhAmAMthI lohI vahevA mAMDyuM. camatkAra tyAM namaskAra ? nahi... namaskAra tyAM camatkAra sarjAyo. sabhAmAM rahelA brAhmaNo vagere mArA page paDyA ane mArI pUjA karavA lAgyA ane kahevA lAgyA : "mahAtman ! kRpA karo ane rAjAne zuddhimAM lAvo.' meM navakArathI pANI maMtrIne temanA para chAMTyuM ane teo zuddhimAM AvyA. meM tyAre ema na vicAryuM : je loko mane mAravA taiyAra thayA hatA temane ja have huM jAgRta banAvuM ? bhale rahyA teo behoza ! bhale thayA Atma kathAo * 16 kare lohInuM vamana ! badamAzone emanA pAponuM phaLa maLyuM che. bhale e bhogave ! nahi... navakArano gaNanAro kadI AvA vicAro dharAvanAro nathI hoto. e to sarva jIvonuM, potAnA zatruonuM paNa kalyANa cAhato hoya che. je sarvajIvono mitra bane tene ja navakAra phaLe ! sarva jIvo sAthe snehanI saravANI na phUTe tyAM sudhI navakAra kadI phaLato nathI. navakAra gaNanArAo kadI A mahattvanI vAta na bhUle. mArA para prasanna thayelA zreNika mane potAnuM rAjya ApavA taiyAra thai gayA tyAre meM kahyuM : rAjana ! mAre bAhya sAmrAjya nathI joituM, Atma-sAmrAjya joie che ne e meLavavA mATe sAdhu banavuM che. mArA A javAbane lokoe tALIonA gaDagaDATathI vadhAvI lIdho. comera mArA nAmano jaya-jayakAra thavA lAgyo. paNa mane e jayajayakAramAM koi rasa hoto. huM dharmadhyAnamAM lIna banyo. emAM lInatA vadhatAM mane jAtismaraNa jJAna thayuM. paMca muThIthI keza-luMcana karI, sAdhu-veSa paherI sAdhanA karavA huM gAma bahAra smazAnamAM jai kAyotsarga dhyAnamAM Ubho rahI gayo. mArA samAcAra sarvatra phelAi gayA hatA. mArA mAtA-pitA AvA samAcAra maLatAM ja stabdha thai gayA. rAjA kadAca have sonuM lai leze to ? - e bIke thoDuM sonuM aMdaro-aMdara vaheMcI bIjuM sonuM dharatImAM dATI dIdhuM. kevI sonAnI mAyA? potAnA putrano mahimA joi AnaMda thavo joie enI jagyAe ahIM bIjuM ja kAMi thai rahyuM hatuM. mArI mA to ekadama vyAkuLa hatI. rAtre tene UMgha paNa na AvI. jyAM sudhI amara jIvato che, tyAM sudhI mane cena nahi paDe - AvA bhayaMkara vicAro sAthe, hAthamAM charI lai e mArI pAse AvI pahoMcI. mArA zarIranA TukaDe-TukaDA karI nAkhyA. je janetAe A dehane janma Apyo hato e ja janetA Aje TukaDe-TukaDA karI rahI hatI. saMsAramAM AthI vadhu bIjI kaI vicitratA hoi zake ? paNa... TukaDA dehanA thAya... AtmAnA thoDA TukaDA thAya che ? mAro Atma kathAo * 17

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amara AtmA bAramA devalokamAM pahoMcI gayo. Aje huM bAvIza sAgaropamanA AyuSyavALo deva chuM ne mArI mA kyAM che ? te jANo cho ? hA... ene paNa bAvIza sAgaropamanuM ja AyuSya che. paNa devalokanuM nahi, narakanuM... chaTTI narakanuM ! mArI hatyA karIne rAjI thatI-thatI e ghara tarapha pAchI vaLI rahI hatI, tyAre rastAmAM maLelI vAghaNe tene phADI khAdhI. bhayaMkara raudradhyAnamAM mRtyu pAmIne e bicArI chaThThI narakamAM cAlI gai. bicArI mAnavajIMdagI hArI gai. huM ene durgatithI na bacAvI zakyo, enuM mane Aje paNa duHkha che. Atma kathAo - 18 (2) huM naMdipeNa (sevAmUrti) nAnapaNathI ja huM darpaNano duzmana hato. bicArA darpaNano koi doSa hoto. doSa mAro ja hato... paNa huMye zuM karuM ? huM lAcAra hato. mAruM bIbhatsa rUpa bIjAne to zuM maneya gamatuM nhotuM. have tame samajI zakyA hazo ke huM darpaNano duzmana zA mATe hato ? bIjA mANaso arIsAmAM kalAko sudhI potAnuM moDhuM nirakhyA kare ane harakhyA kare, jyAre mAre ane arIsAne bIyAM-bArUM hatuM ! kurUpatAnI sAthe daurbhAgya paNa bhaLeluM hatuM ! koi mArI sAthe prema nA kare, vahAla nA batAve. are... be mIThA zabda paNa nA kahe. mAruM mAthuM hatuM trikoNa ! enA para jaMgalanA sUkA jhADa jevA sIdhA barachaTa vALa ! AMkho bilADI jevI ! nAka jANe moTuM bhUMgaLuM ! dAMta jANe khetaranuM haLa ! gAla capaTA ! pITha dhUMdhavALI ! hAtha-paga doraDI ane peTa gAgaraDI ! have tameja kaho, koi mane bolAve kharo ? hA... bALako mATenuM to huM ramakaDuM banI gayo hato ! mAtra bALako ja nahi, moTerAo paNa mane pajavavAmAM kazI maNA na rAkhatA. satkAra to na maLe, paNa dhikkAra maLe. phUla na maLe, paNa zUla maLe. kaMku to na maLe, paNa kIcaDa maLe, tyAre mANasanI zI hAlata thAya tenI tame kalpanA karI zako cho ? nA... tame kalpanA paNa nahi karI zako. kadAca kalpanA karI zako to paNa anubhUti nahi karI zako. tamArI kalpanA saMvedanahIna haze. kAraNa ke tamArA svayaM para jyAM sudhI AvuM kazuM vIte nahi tyAM sudhI tame evA duHkhanI kalpanA paNa karI zako nahi. ghAyala kI gata ghAyala jAne.' A vAta emane ema nathI kahevAi. jene kyAMyathI prema na maLe, tene paNa mA-bApa taraphathI to jarUra prema maLe. gAMDuM-gheluM, gaMdu-gobarUM ke game tevuM bALaka hoya, paNa mAbApa tenA para vahAla varasAvavAnA, paNa mArA nasIbamAM e paNa nhotuM. Atma kathAo - 19

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kAraNa ke nAnapaNamAM ja mArA mAtA-pitA marI paravAryA hatA. Ama to mane emanA nAmanI paNa khabara nhotI, paNa pachIthI loko pAsethI jANavA maLyuM ke mArI mAtAnuM nAma somilA ane pitAnuM nAma somila hatuM. mAmAne mArA para dayA (vahAla nahi) AvavAthI temaNe mane potAne tyAM rAkhyo. tyAM rahIne huM DhoranI jema kAma karato ne mane khAvA-pIvAnuM maLI rahetuM ! mArA mATe ATaluM to basa hatuM. Ama sukhethI jIvuM te duniyAne pasaMda kema paDe ? lokoe mArI kAnabhaMbheraNI zarU karI: jo naMdiSeNa ! tArA mAmA tArI pAsethI DhoranI jema kAma karAvaze, paNa khare avasare cheha deze. have to tuM juvAna thai gayo che. tAre lagana-bagana karavA che ke nahi ? Ama vAMDhA ja pharavuM che ? tArA lagana karavA hoya to tArA mAmAne mana DAbA hAthano khela che. kAraNa ke emane sAta chokarIo che. jo tane emAMthI eka paNa chokarI paraNAve to ame mAnIe... bAkI badhI vAto ! bIjA koi tArA bhaviSyano vicAra nahi kare. A to ame chIe je ATalI hita-ciMtA karIe chIe. mane lokonI vAta sAcI lAgI. huM vAMDho rakhaDuM te kema cAle ? vizvAsa paNa koNa kare ? samAjamAM sanmAna paNa zuM ? juvAna banyA eTale lagana to karavA ja joie ne? paNa... mArI sAthe lagna karavA kaI chokarI taiyAra thaze ? e meM na vicAryuM ! mANasane jo potAnI maryAdA, potAnI yogyatA-ayogyatA viSe vicAra Ave to to tyAre ja kalyANa thai jAya. paNa ghaNuM karIne mANasane potAnI khAmI, potAnI maryAdA, potAnI ayogyatA dekhAtI nathI ane yogyatAthI vadhu apekSA pUrI na thAya to herAna-herAna thayA kare che. lokonI bhaMbheraNIthI have huM kAmamAM utsAha dAkhavato hoto. AthI mArA mAmAe mane vacana ApyuM ke sAtamAMthI ekane huM tArI sAthe paraNAvIza. tuM ciMtA karIza nahi. basa... have joie zuM ? have huM bamaNA utsAhathI kAma karavA Atma kathAo * 20 lAgyo. koNIe goLa lAgI gayo hato ne ! paNa eka divasa mArA jIvananA badhA ja utsAhanuM bASpIbhavana thai gayuM ! mArA mAmAe sauthI moTI putrIne pUchyuM : "bola tuM A naMdiSaNa sAthe lagna karIza ?' nahi javAba maLyo. kema ? vAMdho che ?' 'AvA DhemacA joDe jIMdagI gALavI enA karatAM masANa sAruM !' 'huM cokhe-cokakhuM kahuM chuM ke jo tame mane enI sAthe paraNAvazo to bIjA ja divase tame mArI lAza jozo. mane mArI nAkhavI hoya to AnI sAthe paraNAvajo.' putrIno dhaDAko sAMbhaLI mAmA stabdha banI gayA. mAmAe bIjI putrIone paNa pUchyuM. badhA taraphathI Avo ja javAba maLyo. have mAmA zuM karI zake ? karNopakarNa A samAcAra mane maLyA. huM jIMdagIthI tadna hatAza thaI gayo. have jIvavAno koI artha kharo ? mAmAnI chokarIo paNa na paraNe to bIjuM to koNa paraNavAnuM? paraNyA vagara jIvananI majA zI che ? mAmAnA ghare rahevuM have mane gamyuM nahi. huM to mAmAnuM ghara choDI cAlI nIkaLyo. pharato-pharato ratnapura nagaramAM jaI caDyo. nagaramAM daMpatIonI krIDA joi mArA hRdayamAM jhATakA lAgatA : A loko keTalA bhAgyazALI che ? huM kevo kamabhAgI ? saMsAranI eka paNa strI mane prema ApavA taiyAra nathI. mAruM hRdaya koi mane sneha kare - ema jhaMkhI rahyuM hatuM, paNa prema mAMgavAthI ocho maLe che ? zodhavAthI ocho maLe che ? jene nAnapaNamAM mA-bApano prema na maLyo. yauvanamAM patnIno prema na maLyo... enuM jIvana koi jIvana che ? e to registAna che. registAnI jIvana jIvavA karatAM Atma kathAo * 21

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maravuM sAruM ! huM maravA taiyAra thai gayo. sAce ja premanA abhAve jIvana puSpa akALe ja karamAi jatuM hoya che. nagara bahAra rahelA TekarA para caDI meM kUdako mArI maravAnI taiyArI karI. huM kUdako mAravAnI taiyArImAM ja hato tyAM ja koie mAro hAtha pakaDyo... vAha ! zuM mITho sparza hato ? "are bhAgyazALI ! A tuM zuM kare che ? asaMkhya devo je avatAra pAmavA talasI rahyA che tene A rIte tuM TuMkAvavA mAMge che ?" mArA kAne madhura preraNAtmaka zabdo paDyA. oha ! zuM e zabdomAM mIThAza hatI ? Aja sudhI koie mane premathI pakaDyo nhoto, premathI bolAvyo hato. Aje jIMdagImAM - e paNa maravA TANe prathamavAra premanI uSmA maLI. prathamavAra premapUrvaka koi bolAvanAra maLyuM. prathamavAra mane bhAna thayuM ke mArI paNa koikane jarUra che. koNa haze e prema ApanAra ? koNa haze e vAtsalyabharyo huMphALo hAtha pheravanAra ? nA... tame kazI kalpanA karatA ja nahi. nAhaka tame ADIavaLI kalpanA karI anyAya karI besazo. e prema ApanAra hatA jaina muni ! jene kyAMyathIye prema na maLe tene jaina muni pAsethI maLe ! Avo prema maLatAM keTalAya bhikhArIo saMprati mahArAjAo banI zakyA che. keTalAya jugArIo siddharSio banI zakyA che. keTalAya deDhaprahArIo ane arjuna mALIo kevaLI deDhaprahArIo ane kevaLI arjunamALIo banI zakyA che. huM e prema ApanAra muninI vANI sAMbhaLI rahyo : "vatsa ! akALe jIvana TUMkAvavA zA mATe taiyAra thAya che ? huM jANuM chuM ke tane jIvana to priya che ja. viSThAnA kIDAne ya jIvana priya hoya che... e paNa maravA nathI cAhato... AvuM kiMmatI jIvana tuM naSTa karavA taiyAra thayo che tenuM kAraNa paNa huM jANuM chuM. tuM koika duHkhathI chuTavA mAMge che. tane ema che ke marI gayA pachI saMpUrNa zAnti ! masANamAM zAMtithI sUI javAnuM ! koi ja jhaMjhaTa nahi ! badhI ja mAthAkuTo jIvatAne karavI paDe che, maDadAne zI mAthAkUTa ? tuM jo Ama vicArato hoya to tArI bhUla che. maryA pachI masANamAM ja nathI javAnuM ! masANamAM to zarIra jaze, paNa zarIra e tuM nathI. tuM to AtmA che. AtmA koi bIjA zarIrane dhAraNa karaze, saMbhava che ke tuM ahIMthI marIne kUtaro paNa thAya, bhUMDa paNa thAya, nAraka paNa thAya, mAnava ke deva paNa thAya. jo tArA pApa karma hoya to tyAM paNa duHkha AvI zake che. ema duHkhathI chuTavuM saheluM nathI. duHkhanuM mULa pApa che. pApano tuM nAza kara. duHkhono potAnI meLe nAza thai jaze. duHkha e DALa che, pApa e mULa che. DALa kApya zuM vaLe ? mULa kApa. ApaghAta nahi, paNa pApa-ghAta kara, jIvanane unnata banAvavAno A ja mArga che." AvI preraNA ApatA muninI AMkhomAMthI karuNA TapakI rahI hatI. huM e karuNAnI vRSTimAM snAna karI rahyo, meM mArI saMpUrNa ApavItI kahI saMbhaLAvI. mane munie kahyuM : "bIjA koi taraphathI ApaNane prema maLe, e ApaNA hAthanI vAta nathI, paNa ApaNe bIjAne prema ApIe e ApaNA hAthanI vAta che. tArA daubhagya karmano jabaradasta udaya che. mATe AvuM banyuM che. daubhagya karmanuM sarjana paNa pUrvajanmamAM teM ja karyuM che. te pUrvajanmamAM koineya prema nathI Apyo to A janmamAM tane prema kyAMthI maLe ? AMbA vAvyA ja nathI to kerI zI rIte maLe ? kadAca koinA taraphathI prema maLI jAya to paNa zuM thayuM? e prema Ape to ApaNe sukhI ! e na Ape to duHkhI ! A to ApaNA sukhanI cAvI bIjA pAse jatI rahI. ApaNe parAdhIna banI gayA. ApaNe yaMtra banI gayA... bIjA calAve tema cAlanArA ! parAdhInatAthI moTuM duHkha bIjuM kayuM che ? maharSioe sukha-duHkhanI je vyAkhyA karI che te samajI levA jevI che : "sarva paravaze :vuM sarvanAtmavAM sUvaF' je je parAdhIna che te badhuM duHkha che. je je svAdhIna che te badhuM ja sukha che. jo AvI svAdhInatA tAre joitI hoya to AvI jA amArI pAse. svIkArI le jaina sAdhutva! ahIM AvyA pachI tane koinA taraphathI prema maLe - evI apekSA nahi rahe... premanuM jharaNuM aMdarathI ja phUTaze... e jharaNAmAM vizvanA sarva jIvone snAna karAvavAnuM mana thaze. tArA hRdayamAMthI niraMtara sarva jIvo pratye nirvizeSa prema vaheto raheze. huM ahIM dhyAna karI rahyo hato tyAM ApaghAta karatA Atma kathAo * 23 Atma kathAo * 22

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tane joi mArI karuNA UchaLI paDI. meM tane aTakAvyo che. duHkhathI ja nahi, huM tane pApathI paNa aTakAvavA mAMguM chuM. mArI vAta gamatI hoya to atyAre ja svIkArI le." mane muninI vAta bahu ja gamI gai. emanI ekeka vAta mArA hRdayane coTa mAratI hatI. atyAra sudhImAM AvuM tattvajJAna samajAvanAra koi maLyuM na hatuM. vAta karavA paNa koi taiyAra na hoya tyAM tattvajJAna koNa samajAve ? meM muninA caraNomAM Atma-samarpaNa karI dIdhuM. jaina dIkSA svIkArI lIdhI. mAro AtmA AnaMdathI nAcI UThyo. vinayapUrvaka guru-caraNe adhyayana karI huM gItArtha banyo. vaLI meM abhigraha karyo : chaTTanA pAraNe chaThThu ane pAraNAmAM AyaMbila karavuM tathA glAna mahAtmAonI vaiyAvacca karyA pachI ja vAparavA besavuM. tapa ane vaiyAvacca - A baMne mArA jIvananA aMgo banI gayA. huM pUrA rasathI emAM maMDI paDyo. hradayano pUro rasa je kAryamAM ApaNe lagAvI daie - emAM eTalo AnaMda Ave ke jenuM varNana nA thai zake ! e kArya vinA cena na paDe ! adhUrA-adhUrA manathI karelA kAryamAM AnaMda nathI Avato. huM to mArA anubhavathI kahevA mAMguM chuM ke koi paNa rucikara ekAda zubha kAryane pakaDI lo ne pachI jIvanano badho ja 2sa emAM reDI do ! pachI joi lo majA ! tamArA kAryathI tamArA AtmAne eka UMDo paritoSa thaze. jIvanamAM dhanyatAnI - kRtArthatAnI lAgaNI anubhavAze. atyAra sudhI tamane Avo UMDo paritoSa thayo nathI. kAraNa ke tame eka paNa anuSThAna hRdayano rasa reDIne karI zakyA nathI. ardhA manathI kareluM kArya kyAMthI saMtoSa ApI zake ? huM glAna munionI sevAmAM evo parovAi jato - evo UMDo UtarI jato ke bIjuM badhuM bhUlAi jatuM. mAre chaThThanuM pAraNuM karavAnuM che, AyaMbilanuM vahoravA javAnuM che, e paNa bhUlAi jatuM. koika be-traNa vAra yAda karAve tyAre yAda AvatuM. rasapUrvaka je kArya karavAmAM Ave tenAthI tamane ane bIjAne - baMnene saMtoSanI UMDI anubhUti thAya che. tame kyAreka Atma kathAo * 24 A prayoga karI jojo. nAnA-nAnA kAryamAM rasa reDajo. pachI jIvanamAM kevI praphullitatA mahorI UThe che, e jojo... svArasyathI karavAmAM AvatA kAryanI majA ja koi ora hoya che. sevAno abhigraha koie mane parANe nhoto Apyo, meM ja lIdho hato. parANe kArya karavAmAM Ave te to veTha che, svArasyathI thatuM kArya svayaM AnaMdarUpa che. mArI sevAnI badhA prazaMsA karatA hatA. mane khUba-khUba dhanyavAda ApatA hatA. AthI mAro utsAha vadhI jato e kabUla, paNa, koi mArI prazaMsA kare - mATe huM sevA nhoto karato. sevA e mAro svabhAva banI gayo hato. mora nAce che, phUla khIle che, sUrya Uge che, vAdaLa varase che, e emano svabhAva che. e badalAmAM prazaMsA thoDI ja icche che ? tame prazaMsA karo ke na karo, khIlavuM ne sugaMdha veravI e phUlano svabhAva che. tame dhanyavAda Apo ke na Apo TahukavuM e koyalano svabhAva che, UgavuM e sUryano svabhAva che, nAcavuM e morano AnaMda che. eka divasa chaTTanuM pAraNuM hatuM. AyaMbila karavA huM besI rahyo hato. koLiyo moMmAM mUkavAnI taiyArI karato ja hato tyAM acAnaka ja eka AgaMtuka sAdhu AvI caDyA ane jorathI bolavA lAgyA : "alyA ! naMdI ! bhUkhaDI bArasanI jema basa... sIdho bhojana para tUTI ja paDyo ? ame to sAMbhaLyuM che ke tuM mAMdA munionI sevA karyA vinA jamato nathI. AvI khoTI pracAra-lIlA ? sevA na thatI hoya to zA mATe Avo pracAra ? duniyAne ullu banAvavA ? sastI prasiddhi meLavavA ? mArA eka sAthI muni gAma bahAra che. bahu ja bImAra che. emane atyAre ne atyAre zuddha jaLanI jarUra che. tuM jo kharo sevAbhAvI hoya to Ava sevA karavA.' huM kAMi kahuM te pahelAM ja tIkSNa vAgbANono varasAda varasI paDyo. chaTTanuM pAraNuM hoya ! kakaDIne bhUkha lAgI hoya ! AhAra sAme hoya are... koLIyo hAthamAM ja hoya tyAM ja AvA tIkhA vacanonA prahAra koi kare to kevuM lAge ? "are... muni ! sevA karavAnI huM kyAM nA pADuM chuM? tame mane sAMbhaLo to kharA ! mane sAMbhaLyA pahelAM ja mArI badaboI Atma kathAo . 0 25

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karo cho ? zuM samajo cho tamArA manamAM ? meM sevAno abhigraha lIdho tethI zuM tame dhaNI thai gayA ? A to amArI marajI che eTale sevA karIe chIe... tamArA jevAnuM moDhuM joi sevA nathI karatA. bahu jo tame bola-bola karatA ho to karo. jAo nathI karavI sevA... tame zuM karI levAnA cho ? sevA karavI na karavI mArA hAthanI vAta che. huM kAMi tamAro nokara nathI ke Ama jema-tema saMbhaLAvo cho. bolavAmAM kAMika viveka to joie ke nahi ? sAdhu thaine tame jema-tema bolo cho te tamane zobhe che ? mane tame bhUkhaDIbArasa kaho cho... paNa tame kevA cho ? huM bhUkhaDIbArasa chuM ke kevo chuM ? - e jarA mArA sahavartI munione pUcho to kharA ! pracAra-lIlA karI che ke potAnI meLe mArI sevAnI suvAsa pahoMcI gai che ? mArI kIrtithI tamArA peTamAM tela to nathI reDAtuM ne ? reDAtuM hoya to cho reDAya... paNa huM Aje tamArI sevA mATe nathI AvavAno. tame eka mArI prazaMsA nahi karo to cAlaze. prazaMsA karanArI duniyA bIjI ghaNI moTI che. Ama paNa tamArA jevA prazaMsA kare e vAtamAM mAla nathI. kAraNa ke tamArI jIbha ja talavAra che. AmAM prazaMsAnI AzA rAkhavI ja vyartha che." dhAryuM hota to A pramANe huM javAba ApI zakatA... hA... jo sevA e mAro mAtra batAvavAno burakho hota, sevA nakalI hota to jarUra e pramANe meM javAba Apyo hota, paNa mArI sevA asalI hatI. sevA e mAro svabhAva hato. koi paNa padArtha potAnA svabhAvathI aLago zI rIte thai zake ? sAkara mIThAzathI alaga hoi zake ? mIThuM khArAzathI juduM hoi zake ? caMdana suvAsathI bhinna hoi zake ? nahi... mIThAza sAkarano, khArAza mIThAno ne suvAsa caMdanano svabhAva che. svabhAva kadI alaga thai zake nahi. svabhAva e kAMi zarIra paranuM kapaDuM nathI ke phAve tyAre oDhI zakAya ne phAve tyAre kADhI zakAya. svabhAva to cAmaDI che... sadA sAthe rahenAra ! zarIra parathI tame vasra kADhI zako, paNa cAmaDI ochI kADhI zako ? huM mArA svabhAvabhUta banelA sevA-guNane zI rIte kADhI zakuM ? AhAra-pANI eka-bAju mUkI huM e muni sAthe zuddha jaLanI Atma kathAo * 26 eSaNA mATe nIkaLI paDyo. paNa je ghare jAUM tyAM azuddha jaLa maLe... zuddha jaLa maLe ja nahi... Akhare ghaNA ghare pharyA pachI muzkelIthI eka ghare zuddha jaLa maLyuM. te laine huM pelA muni sAthe gAma bahAra gayo. e munine atisAra - jhADA thayA hatA. bagaDelA kapaDAM-zarIra vagere huM pANIthI sApha karavA mAMDyo. jema jema sApha karuM tema tema vadhu ne vadhu durgaMdha AvatI gai ! mane kAMi samajAyuM nahi. AvuM kema bane che ? rogI muni to mane jotAMveMta ja trATakI paDyA : "sevAnI pUMchaDI ! moTI sevAnI vAta kare che ne ame ahIM keTalAya samayathI paDyA chIe, herAna thaie chIe tenuM tane kAMi bhAna che ? koine herAna karIne pachI sevA karavAno dekhAva karavo... vAha bhai ! tAro abhigraha to bahu joradAra... !'' A ane AvuM keTaluMya huM sAMbhaLato ja rahyo. ApaNe jenI sevA karatA hoie tenA taraphathI ja gALono varasAda varase to ApaNane kevuM lAge ? ApaNane manamAM thai jAya - eka to sevA karIe... ne uparathI gALo sAMbhaLavI ? evI sevA amAre nathI karavI. prazaMsA karavAnuM to ghera gayuM. A to sAmethI kUtarAnI jema bacakAM bhare che !' Avo vicAra AvavAnuM kAraNa zuM ? ApaNe jenI sevA karatA hoie chIe tenA taraphathI prazaMsAnI apekSA rahe che... paNa apekSAthI viparIta gALono varasAda maLatAM ApaNe vicalita banI jaie chIe. vaLI, mAnava-mananI bIjI paNa eka khAsiyata yAda rAkhavA jevI che. koi paNa mANasa bIjAnA ahesAnamAM AvavA taiyAra hoto nathI. jenI ApaNe sevA karIe chIe e ApaNA ahesAnanA bhAra nIce dabAi jAya che. ApaNe paNa e karelo upakAra vAraMvAra saMbhaLAvatA rahIe chIe. AthI pelAne hINapata lAge che. hINapatanA e bhAvamAMthI chUTavA e ApaNI ekadama upekSA karato thAya che, ApaNane jotAM ja e moDhuM pheravI le che. AthI ApaNane lAge che H hAya ! hAya ! duniyA keTalI kRtaghna thai gai che ? have pelo sAmuMya nathI joto ! garaja sarI ne vaida verI ! AvuM kAMi na thAya mATe ja kahevAmAM AvyuM che ke upakAra karIne Atma kathAo * 27

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tarata ja bhUlI jAva. are... upakAra paNa e ja rIte karo jethI sAmAne khyAla paNa na Ave ke koNa upakAra karI rahyuM che ? jo A mAnava-svabhAva khyAlamAM AvI jAya to jenI sevA karIe tenA taraphathI kadAca viparIta pratibhAva maLe to paNa ApaNuM mana vicalita na thAya... ApaNA nirdhArita mArgathI ApaNe khasIe nahi. e rogI muni cAlI zake ema to hatA ja nahi. meM emane mArA khabhe besADyA ane upAzraya tarapha cAlyo. jhADAno roga joradAra hato. rastAmAM paNa jhADA cAlu ja rahyA. emanA ja nahi, mArA paNa kapaDAM ane zarIra vagere badhuM ja bagaDI gayuM. bhayaMkara durgadha AvavA mAMDI. vaLI, bharabajAre mAre emane lai javAnA hatA. huM dhIre dhIre cAluM to kahe : "alyA ! Ama ragaziyA gADAnI jema dhIre dhIre cAlIza to mane upAzrayamAM kyAre pahoMcADIza ? kAMi akkala che ke nahi ? naMdi ! sAce ja tuM akkalamAM paNa naMdi ja che. naMdi eTale zuM samaje che ? kyAMthI samaje ? akkala hoya to samaje ne? naMdi eTale poThiyo, baLadiyo. bola baLadiyA ! baLadiyAmAM akkala hoya ? bole to baLadiyo zAno? cAla baLadiyA ! have jaldI cAla." AthI huM jaldI-jaldI cAlavA mAMDyo. to kahe : "alyA baLadiyA ! Ama moTA-moTA AMcakA ApIne mane rastAmAM ja mArI nAkhavo che ke zuM ? barAbara cAlatAMya zIkhyo nathI. cAlatAMya AvaDatuM nathI ane sevA karavA cAlI nIkaLyo che. havethI cAlatAM zIkhI Avaje. pachI sevAnuM nAma leje. nahi to sevAnA nAme bIjAne herAna ja karato rahIza." | tamane paNa sevA karatAM ghaNI vakhata Avo anubhava thato haze. ThaMDuM lAvIe toya duHkha ! garama lAvIe toya duHkha ! ochuM lAvIe toya duHkha ! vadhu AvI jAya toya duHkha ! game teTaluM karo toya sAMbhaLavuM ja paDe ! sevA paNa karavI ane sAMbhaLavuMye kharuM ! sevA e saheluM kAma nathI hoM ! AthI ja pelA kavie kahyuM : "sevAdharma: paramagahano yoginAmapyagamyaH" sevA dharma eTalo badho gahana che ke yogIo mATe paNa muzkela che. Atma kathAo * 28 mane kahetAM AnaMda thAya che ke yogIo mATe paNa je muzkela che, te sevA mArA mATe saraLa banI gai hatI, mArI raga-ragamAM vaNAi gai hatI. AthI ja AvA avasare huM samatA dAkhavI zakyo... eTaluM ja nahi, paNa manomana huM vicArI rahyo : "kharekhara huM kevo kamabhAgI chuM ke A glAna munine huM pUrepUrI sAtA ApI zakato nathI ? prabhu ! kRpA karo ane mane evI zakti Apo, jethI huM emane sAtA ApI zakuM, samAdhi ApI zakuM !' upAzrayamAM AvIne joyuM to huM stabdha banI gayo. na mAMdA muni ! na sAthI muni ! na jhADAnI durgadha ! mArI AMkhonI sAme eka tejovartula pedA thayuM ne emAM eka deva pragaTa thayo. e bolyo : "he mahAtmanu dhanya ho Apane ! dhanya sevA ! dhanya samatA ! huM svargalokano deva chuM. indranA mukhe tamArI sevAnI prazaMsA sAMbhaLatAM tamArI parIkSA karavA huM Avyo chuM. mane to zraddhA hotI ke eka mAnavamAM ATalI dhIratA hoya. paNa mane kahetAM AnaMda thAya che ke mArI parIkSAmAMthI Apa sAMgopAMga vijetA banIne bahAra AvyA cho. mahAtmanuM ! meM ja ApanI parIkSArthe be sAdhuonuM rUpa lIdheluM. kharekhara Apano sevAno guNa ajoDa che, indra kahyo tethI paNa adhika che. meM ApanI ghaNI kadarthanA karI che. prabhu ! mane mAphI Apajo." huM A deva-lIlA joi rahyo. kSaNavAramAM badhuM sameTAi gayuM ! jANe kAMi banyuM ja hotuM ! jANe eka svapna hatuM. AvyuM ane cAlyuM gayuM! tyAra pachI meM bAra hajAra varSa sudhI tapa ane sevAnI akhaMDa sAdhanA cAlu rAkhI. AyuSyanI samApti najIka jANI chevaTe meM anazana lIdhuM. chellI paLomAM mArI vicAradhArA badalAi ! meM manomana niyANuM karyuM : "jo mArA tapano koi prabhAva hoya to AgAmI janmamAM huM seMkaDo strIone priya banuM !" nAnapaNamAM strIothI thayelI kadarthanAnA saMskAro Aje bAra hajAra Atma kathAo * 29

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- (8) huM aSADhAcArya ka varSo pachI paNa jaDamULathI gayA hotA. kharekhara saMskAra baLavAna hoya che. mArA jevo ghora tapasvI, jabaradasta sevAbhAvI muni paNa saMskAronI sAme hArI gayo. tyAMthI mRtyu pAmIne huM mahAzukra devalokamAM gayo. tyAMthI cyavIne vasudeva banyo. vasudevane to tame oLakho cho ne ? zrIkRSNano pitA huM vasudeva pote ! pUrvanA niyANAnA kAraNe huM botera hajAra strIono vallabha banyo ! koNa jANe ? svarga ke naraka haze ke nahi ? roja hajAro mANaso mare che - emAMthI koka to svarge jatuM haze ne ? to koi kahevA kema nathI AvatuM? ekAde to AvavuM joie ne? tamane Avo vicAra kyAreka AvI jato haze. kharuMne? tamane ja nahi, mane paNa Avo vicAra ghaNIvAra AvI jato. paNa pachI manane huM saMbhALI leto : 're jIva ! A te zuM vicAryuM ? sarvajJa bhagavaMtoe kahyuM hoya te sAcuM ja hoya. AmAM zaMkA zAnI ? zaMkAthI to samakita jatuM raheze.' ane huM e vicAra tarata ja khaMkherI nAkhato. paNa... ema samajI jAya to mana zAnuM? nahi mAnavuM e manano svabhAva che. kahyAthI UlaTuM karavuM - e manano svabhAva che. huM jema jema mananA e vicArane dabAvavA lAgyo tema tema e vicAra vadhu ne vadhu UchaLavA lAgyo. dabAyelI spriMganI jema ! huM koi sAmAnya mANasa nahoto, moTo jainAcArya hato. aneka ziSyono guru hato. aneka bhaktono ArAdhya hato. chatAM mArA aMtaramAM zaMkAno A kIDo saLavaLyA ja karato - kharekhara svarga haze ? hoya to koi kema kahevA AvatuM nathI ? na hoya to zA mATe A badhA kaSTo veThavA ? game te rIte mAre nakkI to karI ja levuM joie ke che ke nahi? eka vakhate mane avasara maLI gayo. mAro eka ziSya maraNa-pathArIe paDyo. huM nirdhAmaNA karAvavA lAgyo. meM tene kahyuM : vatsa ! tuM jo mRtyu pAmIne svarge jAya to mane samAcAra ApavA jarUra Avaje. tAruM citta navakAramAM che. huM paNa tane navakAra saMbhaLAvI rahyo chuM. eTale tArI sadgati to nakkI ja che. jo tuM svarganA samAcAra mane ApIza to mAruM mana zalyarahita banaze. huM niHzaMkapaNe dharmanI ArAdhanA karI zakIza. e ziSya mane hA pALI, vacana ApyuM. Atma kathAo * 31 Atma kathAo * 30

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A bAju huM roja vATa jovA lAgyo. jyAre deva Avaze ? vATa jotAM-jotAM keTalAya mahinAo vItI gayA... paNa koi deva-beva Avyo nahi. mArI zaMkA jarA majabUta thai. sAce ja A jagatamAM kyAMya svarga nathI. svarga e mAtra dhArmika lokonuM AzvAsana che. calo, kAMi vAMdho nahi. ahIM to sukha na maLyuM. have dharmanA prabhAve mane svargamAM sukha maLaze. eka sAmAyikathI 925925925 palyopama sudhI svarganuM sukha maLe. meM to keTalA badhA sAmAyika karyA che ? oha! have to mane svargamAM lIlAlahera ! - Ama bicArA bhoLA dharmI loko AsthAmAM ne AsthAmAM jIvyA kare. gadheDAnI AgaLa ghAsano pULo batAvo eTale e bicAro doDyA ja kare... doDyA ja kare.. pULo kadI enA moDhA sudhI na Ave. kAraNa ke e to gadheDA para beThelA mANasanA hAthamAMnI lAkaDImAM bAMdhelo che. gadheDo jeTaluM doDe, pULo eTalo ja AgaLa rahe. dharmI loko paNa bicArA gadheDA jevA che. svarganA pULAne joi doDyA ja kare... paNa svarga kadI hAthamAM na Ave. paNa... mAre zA mATe gadheDA banavuM ? pULo maLavAno ja na hoya to doDavAno koI artha kharo ? pharI mAro bIjo ziSya mRtyu-pathArIe paDyo. enI pAsethI paNa meM svargathI AvavAnuM vacana lIdhuM. paNa eya na Avyo. Ama cAra-cAra ziSyo pAsethI meM vacana lIdhuM, paNa ekeya mane kahevA na Avyo. have tame ja kaho : mANasanI dhIraja kyAM sudhI Take ? - have mane pAkA pAye khAtarI thai gai ke svarga nathI ja ! A badho dharama khoTo che, dhatiMga che. mAtra mAnasika AzvAsana ja che ! jo svarga hoya ja nahi to zA mATe A badhA saMyamanA kaSTo sahavA ? ThaMDI-garamImAM ughADe page vihAro karavA, vALa kheMcAvavA, ghera ghera bhikSA mATe pharavuM, tapazcaryA karavI - A badhuM zA mATe ? duniyA AkhI moja kare ane ApaNe hAthe karIne kaSTa uThAvavA ? jarUra zI che? kAMi vAMdho nahi. haju paNa samaya che. haju ekadama huM gharaDo nathI thayo. thoDI jiMdagI bAkI che. gai te jiMdagI gai, paNa bAkInI jiMdagI to saphaLa banAvuM ! loko kevA suMdara nATako jue che ! keTaluM suMdara nAce che ! kevA suMdara Atma kathAo * 32 vastro pahere che ! keTaluM sa-rasa Aroge che ! AkhI duniyA AnaMdamAM rahe ane huM duHkhamAM rahuM ? nIrasa jIvana gALuM ? huM koi mokAnI vATa jovA lAgyo. eka vakhate huM ekalo jai rahyo hato. rastAmAM suMdara nATaka cAlatuM hatuM. Ameya nATaka jovAnI keTalAya vakhatathI icchA hatI ja. anAyAse ja Avo moko maLI jatAM huM tyAM ja nATaka jovA Ubho rahI gayo. nATaka eTaluM to suMdara hatuM ane huM evo e jovAmAM parovAi gayo ke keTalo vakhata vahI gayo te paNa khyAla na Avyo. nATaka pUruM thayuM tyAre pUrA cha mahinA vItI gayA. paNa e to pachIthI khyAlamAM AvyuM. tyAre to nATakamaya banI gayo hato. eTalo rasa AvavA mAMDelo ke samaya jevI cIja jANe jagatamAMthI khovAi gai hatI ! | nATaka joine (veSa to sAdhuno ja hato) huM jaMgalamAM jaI rahyo hato tyAre rastAmAM eka bALaka maLyuM. enA zarIra para kiMmatI ghareNA hatAM. mAruM mana lalacAyuM. saMsAramAM praveza karavA huM kyArathIye vicArI rahyo hato, paNa paisA vinA saMsAramAM kiMmata zI ? paisA zI rIte kamAvA te paNa huM jANato nahoto. vaLI moTI uMmare bIjo dhaMdho thai paNa zuM zake ? enA karatAM atyArathI ja koI vyavasthA karI hoya to sAruM ! nahi to saMsAramAM paisA vinA koi bhAva nahi pUche. huM ATaluM to sArI rIte jANato hato. paisA vinAnA mANasonI kaphoDI sthiti meM joi hatI. huM kyArathIye paisA meLavavAnA upAyo vicArI rahyo hato. paNa haju sudhI ekeya upAya saphaLa nhoto banyo. Aje vagara mAMgye jANe sAmethI upAya maLI gayo hato ! kudarate jANe mane bALakarUpe bheTachuM mokalyuM hatuM. AvI taka cUkuM to mArA jevo mUrkha koNa ? meM e bALakane pUchyuM : "tuM koNa che ?' 'huM rAjAno putra chuM.' kyAM jAya che ?' 'pharavA jAUM chuM.' 'tAruM nAma zuM ?" Atma kathAo * 33

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'pRthvIkumAra.' 'pRthvIkumAra' zabda pUro thayo - na thayo ne meM e bALakane eka hAthathI pakaDyo. bIjA hAthe jorathI gaLuM dabAvyuM. e kAMi cIsa pADe e pahelAM to badho khela khalAsa thai gayo ! eka kIDInI ajANatAMya hatyA thai jAya to kamakamI UThanAro Aje huM bALakano hatyAro banI gayo hato ! viveka bhUle eTale mANasa kyAM jaine pahoMce ! enA zarIra para rahelA badhA dAgInA meM lai lIdhA ane nAkhyA pAtarAmAM ! Aje huM khuza-khuzAla hato. vaNamAMge jANe sonAno varasAda varasyo hato. thoDIvAra pachI bIjuM bALaka maLyuM. enuM nAma hatuM : akumAra ! enAya meM e ja hAla karyA. enA dAgInA paNa lUMTI lIdhA. Aje huM sAdhumAMthI zetAna banyo hato ! munimAMthI khUnI banyo hato ! pachI kramazaH tejakumAra, vAyukumAra, vanaspatikumAra ane trasakumAra - A badhAyanI meM hatyA karI nAkhI. meM AvA nAmono rahasyArtha paNa na vicAryo. pRthvI, apu, teja - AvA nAmo koNe pADyA ? e paNa na pUchyuM - AvA nAmovALA mANaso Aja sudhI sAMbhaLyA nahotA, chatAM meM enA para kAMi vicAryuM nahi. mArI buddhi para mohanA paDalo bAjhelA hatA. AmAM bIjA koi vicAra Ave ja kyAMthI? mane to eka ja cIja dekhAtI hatI : paiso... paiso... sonuM... sonuM... sonuM... ! e meLavavA huM game te hade javA taiyAra thai gayo hato ! AgaLa jatAM rastAmAM eka sAdhvIjI maLyA. temanI sAthe meM dharmanI vAto karI. dharmanI vAto karatAM-karatAM mane aMdarathI jhATako lAgavA mAMDyo : are naThArA AcArya ! A te zuM karyuM? cha-cha bALakonI hatyA karyA pachI dharmanI vAto karatAM zarama nathI AvatI ? bALakonI hatyA mane aMdara ne aMdara khaTakavA mAMDI, jiMdagImAM jeNe jANI joine kIDI paNa na mArI hoya e ja vyakti AvezamAM cha-cha bALakone mArI nAkhe.. Atma kathAo * 34 pachI zuM thAya ? Aveza zAMta thatAM ja aMtaHkaraNa DaMkhavA lAge. mAruM paNa aMtaHkaraNa raDavA lAgyuM : bicArA kevA nirdoSa bALako ! jANe gulAbanA phUlo ! meM tene kevI nirdayatAthI kacaDI nAkhyA ! jo koine khabara paDI to mAruM zuM thaze ? hatyA thatAM to thai gai, paNa have huM kaMpI rahyo hato. AgaLa jatAM lazkara sAthe rAjA maLyo. mane jotAM ja rAjA hAthI parathI nIce Utaryo ane mane vaMdana karyuM. mArI cAre bAju sainiko gherI vaLyA. rAjAe mane kahyuM : "gurudeva ! mane AhAra-pANIno lAbha Apo ! meM kahyuM : "khapa nathI." jo ke mane bhUkha hatI, paNa atyAre nA ja pADavI paDe, ema hatuM. kAraNa ke pAtrAmAM ghareNAM hatA. vahoravuM zemAM ? paNa rAjA jabaro nIkaLyo. eNe to mArI jhoLI kheMcI. aMdaranA ghareNAM bahAra UchaLyAM. - ghareNAM joi rANI cIsa pADI UThI : "are... A to ApaNA ja bALakonAM ghareNAM che. je cha bALakone ApaNe zodhavA nIkaLyA chIe temane A sAdhuDAe mArI nAkhyA lAge che. pakaDo... pakaDo... A duSTane !" huM pagathI mAthA sudhI dhrUjI UThyo. mArI hAlata to kApo to lohI na nIkaLe tevI thai gai. mAM nIce ghAlI huM raDavA lAgyo : "arere ! meM pApIe A zuM karyuM ? have kyAM jAuM? A rAjA mane have zULIe laTakAvaze. na saMyamanuM pAlana karyuM. na saMsAra bhogavI zakyo ! hatyArA tarIke oLakhAyo. hAya ! hAya ! mAruM zuM thaze? duniyA meM donoM gaye, mAyA milI na rAma ! pazcAttApa pUrvakanuM rudana karatAM-karatAM meM sAmuM joyuM to Azcarya ! na rAjA ! na senA ! na bALako ! na ghareNAM ! mArI sAme tejathI jhaLahaLatI koi divya AkRti UbhI hatI. eNe kahyuM : gurudeva ! mane oLakhyo? huM mRtyu-pathArIe paDelo cotho ziSya ! marI ane huM deva thayo chuM. A nATaka, bALako, rAjA, senA vagere mAruM ja sarjana hatuM. ApanI parIkSA mATe meM A badhuM karyuM hatuM. gurudeva ! ApanI kRpAthI mRtyu pAmIne huM Atma kathAo * 35

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- (4) huM avaMtIsuzrumAla ha svargamAM gayo chuM. svarga e kalpanA nathI, paNa nakkara hakIkata che. navo utpanna thayelo deva, nATaka, nRtyAdi jovAmAM evo tallIna banI jAya che ke emAM hajAro varSo vItI jAya che. eTalA varSomAM to mANasonI peDhIonI peDhIo pasAra thai jAya che. eTale koi kahevA AvI zakatuM nathI. Ape hamaNAM je nATaka joyuM te cha mahinA cAlyuM... chatAM Apane khabara paDI ? audArika zarIramAM paNa jo cha mahinA sudhI kAMi khyAla na Ave to vaikriya zarIranI to vAta ja zI ? gurudeva ! have to ApanA manamAMthI zaMkAno kIDo nIkaLI ja gayo haze ! have Apa sthira manathI saMyamanI ArAdhanA karI zakazo... evo vizvAsa che. parIkSA karatAM Apane meM kaSTo ApyA te badala mAphI mAMguM chuM.' ATaluM kahI deva adazya thai gayo. pazcAttApanI gaMgAmAM snAna karato huM punaH saMyamamArgamAM sthira thayo. evI dRDhatAthI saMyamanI meM sAdhanA karI ke AgaLa jatAM huM kevaLajJAnI banyo. pachI to svarga... naraka vagere badhuM ja mane mArA jJAnamAM dekhAvA lAgyuM ! AkhA avaMtIdezamAM mAruM nAma jANItuM hatuM. huM eTalo badho sukumAra (sukomaLa) hato ke mArA jevo AkhAya avaMtImAM bIjo koi nhoto. AthI loko mane 'avaMtIsukumAla' kahetA. dhIre-dhIre mAruM e ja nAma prasiddha thai gayuM. atyaMta vaibhavI jIvanamAM huM Ucharelo hato. du:khano paDachAyo paNa meM kadI joyo hoto, paNa acAnaka ja mArA jIvanamAM evI ghaTanA ghaTI ke mane mArA sukho viSTA jevA tuccha lAgavA mAMDyA. eka vakhate mArA ghera eka mahAna AcArya zrI Arya suhastI potAnA vizALa parivAra sAthe UtaryA. ame saue mahAtmAonI khUba ja sArI rIte bhakti karI. rAtrinA samaye huM sUvAnI taiyArI karato hato tyAM ja mane madhura avAja saMbhaLAvA lAgyo. huM dhyAnathI e avAja sAMbhaLavA lAgyo... zuM A nATaka che? huM vicAramAM paDyo. paNa samajAyuM - A to sAdhuono avAja che. oha ! kevA apramatta che A munio ! rAtrinA samaye paNa svAdhyAya choDatA nathI. svAdhyAya to emano zvAsa lAge che ! atyaMta dhyAnapUrvaka sAMbhaLatA mane lAgyuM : oha ! A to koi devavimAnanuM varNana lAge che. paNa A devavimAna to meM kyAMka joyuM lAge che ! kyAM joyuM che ? meM mArA bhUtakAlIna manane pUchyuM, "bola mana ! teM A vimAna kyAM joyuM che ? kyAM joyuM che ? jaladI javAba Apa : kyAM joyuM che ? tArA smRtibhaMDArane zodha ane mane javAba Apa. ane mane kharekhara kamAla karI. e javAba zodhIne ja lAvyuM. ajAgRta manathI javAba maLI gayo. Aje mane pahelIvAra samajAyuM : mana mAtra A ja bhavanI hakIkato yAda nathI rAkhatuM, paNa agaNita bhavonI hakIkato te potAnAmAM samAvIne beThuM che. emAMnA ekAda-be bhavanI hakIkata ApaNane yAda AvI jAya eTale ApaNe tene "jAtismaraNa' kahIe chIe. jAtismaraNa e bIjuM kAMi nathI, ApaNA ja bhUtakAlIna suSupta mananI jAgRtinI AcherI jhalaka Atma kathAo * 37 Atma kathAo * 36

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che. mane e jhalaka maLI. enA prakAzamAM meM joyuM : gayA bhavamAM A ja vimAna (nalinIgulma nAmanuM devavimAna)mAM huM deva hato. oha ! rUpathI lasalasatI tejathI taravaratI e apsarAo ! ratnothI jhagamagatA thAMbhalAo ! thAMbhalAothI zobhatuM sabhAsthAna ! ekeeka vastu adbhuta ! kyAM e devanA adbhuta sukho ane kyAM A mANasonA gaMdhAtA sukho ? kyAM e divyadehamayI devAMganAo ? kyAM A viSTA ane hADakAnI gaMdhAtI kothaLI jevI mAnava strIo ? kyAM e divya sukha ? kyAM A azuci sukha ? chaT... Ane te kAMi sukha kahevAya ? A to duHkhanuM ja bIjuM nAma che. nA... na joie AvA viSTA jevA sukho. mAruM mana have mAnavIya sukhothI kaMTALI gayuM. batrIsa-batrIsa rUpALI ramaNIo paNa devAMganAo yAda AvatAM gaMdhAtI gaTara lAgavA mAMDI. paNa mane navAi e lAgI ke mahArAja pAse A vimAnanI mAhitI kyAMthI ? zuM temaNe e vimAna joyuM haze ? nakkI tyAM javAno mArga teo pAse hovo joie. huM to tarata ja temanI pAse pahoMcI gayo. pUchyuM : 'mahArAja ! tame nalinIgulma vimAna joyuM che ?' 'nA.' "to tamane enI mAhitI kyAMthI maLI ?' 'zAstranI AMkhathI.' "eTale ?' "amArA zAstro sarvajJa bhagavaMtoe racelA che. AthI saMpUrNa saMvAdI che. A zAstranI AMkhanA sahAre ame ahIM beThA-beThA traNeya lokane jANI zakIe chIe.' 'ema ?" bahu navAibharyuM kahevAya, paNa mane nalinIgulma vimAnamAM javAno mArga batAvo. mAre tyAM javuM che. AcArya bhagavaMte kahyuM : bhadra ! tyAM javA mATe koi nisaraNI nathI, A saMyama dvArA tyAM jai zakAya. mAre to game te bhoge nalinIgulma vimAnamAM javuM ja hatuM. meM kahyuM : "mane saMyama Apo. jo ke lAMbAkALa sudhI saMyama pALavAnI mArI Atma kathAo * 38 koi zakti nathI, paNa huM iMginI anazana karI mAruM kalyANa karI laiza." rAtrino samaya hato eTale tyAre to AcAryadeva zI rIte dIkSA Ape ? paNa huM khUba ja adhIra banyo hato. meM mArI meLe ja loca karI lIdho. mArI adamya tamannA joi gurudeve mane rajoharaNa vage2e ApyuM. Ama rAtre ja mArI dIkSA thai gai. mArA kuTuMbIone kAMi ja khabara paDI nahi. huM to rAtorAta kaMtharavanamAM kAyotsarga karavA nIkaLI paDyo. huM nAnapaNathI ja atyaMta lADakoDamAM ucharelo hato, meM atyaMta vaibhavI ThAThathI jIvana gujAreluM hatuM. kadI UghADA page cAlelo nahi, vaLI huM atyaMta komaLa hato. mArA pagane tame aDako to tamane ema ja lAge : jANe mAkhaNano piMDo ! gAma bahAra vanamAM jyAM meM pagalA mAMDyA ke kAMTA vAgavA mAMDyA. lohI nIkaLavA mAMDyuM. bhayaMkara pIDA thavA mAMDI. paNa mane kyAM enI paDI hatI ? huM to mArI dhUnamAM hato. smazAnamAM jai huM kAyotsargamAM acalapaNe Ubho rahI gayo. have thayuM evuM ke mArA lohInI gaMdhathI eka bhUkhI ziyALa potAnA baccA sAthe mArI pAse AvI pahoMcI. mArA pagane karaDI-karaDI mAMsa khAvA lAgI. sAmAnya rIte jIvatA mANasanI pAse ziyALa Ave nahi, gabharAine bhAgI ja jAya. paNa tene eTalI asahya bhUkha lAgelI ke teno bhaya paNa bhAgI gayo. vaLI meM koi pratikAra karyo nahi eTale e to majethI mArA paga khAvA lAgI. huM to brahmadhyAnamAM lIna banI gayo, zarIrathI para banI gayo. zarIrathI para banyA vinA AvI bhayaMkara pIDA zI rIte sahana thAya ? pIDA paNa kyAM sudhI ? lagAtAra traNa-traNa pahora sudhI. pahele pahore paga, bIjA pahore sAthaLa, trIjA pahore peTa - ziyALe parivAra sahita khAvA mAMDyuM. tame kahezo ATalA vakhata sudhI mANasa jIvato zI rIte rahI zake ? marI na jAya ? yAda rAkho : jyAM sudhI mANasanA marmasthAna salAmata hoya tyAM sudhI hAtha-paga vagere kapAvA chatAM paNa mANasa jIvato rahI zake che. huM paNa ATalo vakhata jIvato ja rahyo hato. hA, eTaluM kharUM ke mArA paga khavAi gayA eTale tarata ja huM nIce dharatI para paDI gayo. ATalI bhayaMkara pIDAmAM paNa devagurunI kRpAe huM samAdhi jALavI zakyo. Atma kathAo * 39

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- (5) huM bhUgAvavI zaka ghaNI vakhata evuM thAya che ke mANasa pAse khAsa viziSTatA hoya che, enA ja kAraNe e duHkhI bane che. guNa ja enI muzkelInuM kAraNa bane che. caMdananA jhADa ja zA mATe kapAya che ? hAthI, camarI gAya ane kasturI haraNonI katala zA mATe thAya traNa-traNa pahoranI atyaMta bhayaMkara, zabdomAM kahI na zakAya tevI vedanA anubhavI huM mRtyu pAmyo. marIne kyAM gayo ? jyAMthI Avyo hato te jagyAe pahoMcI gayo. je mAre joituM hatuM te mane maLI gayuM. nalinI gulma vimAnamAM mAre javuM hatuM, huM tyAM pahoMcI gayo. savAre mane na jotAM mArA gharamAM dhamAcakaDI macI gai. Akhare AcArya bhagavaMte kahyuM : tamArA putre jAte ja rAtre dIkSA lIdhI che ane kAyotsarga karavA kaMtharavanamAM jatA rahyA che. A sAMbhaLatAM ja badhA stabdha banI gayA. mArI mA bhadrA, mArI batrIseya patnIo vagere savAre tyAM gayA. joyuM to mAruM hADapiMjara mAtra tyAM paDyuM hatuM ! badhA chAtI phATa rudana karavA lAgyA. mArI patnIoe to vairAgyavAsita thai dIkSA lai lIdhI. batrIsamAMnI eka, je garbhavatI hatI, te gharamAM rahI. tene putra thayo. moTo thai teNe mArI smRti mATe tyAM maMdira banAvyuM. jemAM pArzvanAtha bhagavAnanI pratimA bharAvI, kAlAMtare te (mahAkAla) maMdirano kabajo ajainoe jamAvyo. pratimAne dharatImAM dATI upara zivaliMga banAvyuM. kAlAMtare AcAryazrI siddhasenadivAkarasUrie kalyANa maMdira stotrathI pratimAne pragaTa karyA. avaMtI pArzvanAtha tarIke oLakhAtI A pratimA Aje paNa ujjainamAM vidyamAna che. tame urjana tarapha jAva tyAre acUka darzana karajo. darzana karatAM-karatAM mArI kathA yAda karajo ane mArA jevI kSamA dhAraNa karavA prayatnazIla banajo. phUlo kema toDavAmAM Ave che ? kAMTA zA mATe nahi ? caMdana pAse suvAsa, hAthI pAse dAMta, camarI gAya pAse pUMchaDI, kasturI haraNa pAse kastUrI tathA phUlo pAse sugaMdhI sauMdaryarUpa viziSTatA che mATe. duniyAnuM AvuM vicitra svarUpa joine ja koIke kahyuM che : nairguNyameva sAdhIyo dhigastu guNagauravam / / zAkhino'nye virAjante khaNDyante candanadrumAH // (nirguNatA ja sArI cIja che. guNone dhikkAra ho. bIjA jhADo lahera kare che. jyAre caMdananA jhADo kapAyA kare che.) mArA jIvanamAM paNa AvuM ja banyuM hatuM. mAruM viziSTa rUpa ja mArI aneka ApattionuM kAraNa banyuM hatuM. mArA pati hatA - kauzAMbInA rAjA zatAnIka ! eka vakhate mArA patideve citrasabhA taiyAra karAvavA aneka citrakAro rokyA. emAM eka citrakAre mAruM citra AlekhyuM. citra suMdara banyuM hatuM, paNa toya patidevano gusso bhabhUkI UThyo. vAta ema banI ke citramAM sAthaLanA sthAne tala hatuM. vastutaH mArI sAthaLamAM tala hatuM ja. mArA patidevanA manamAM zaMkAno kIDo saLavaLI UThyo : A harAmakhora citrakAre mArI patnIne bhraSTa karI che. sAce ja jyAM prema vadhu hoya che tyAM zaMkA paNa jaladI gADha banI jAya che. Atma kathAo * 40 Atma kathAo * 41

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patideve to e citrakArano vadha karavAno hukama ja ApI dIdho. tyAre bIjA citrakAroe vinaMti karI : rAjanuM! A citrakAra pAse evI daivI zakti che ke te koI paNa padArthano ke vyaktino eka aMza jue te parathI Abehuba tenuM citra banAvI Ape che. vizvAsa na hoya to akhataro karI juo. rAjAe citrakArane pUchatAM teNe jaNAvyuM : "rAjanuM! sAketanagaramAM huM citrakalA zikhavA gayelo. tyAMno surapriya yakSa dara varSe eka citrakArane mArI nAkhato; enuM je citra banAve te ja citrakArane ! jo citrakAra citra na banAve to nagaranA lokone khAi jAya. huM je gharamAM Utaryo hato te gharanA citrakAra tarIke javAno krama Avyo hato. meM raDatI vRddhAne aTakAvIne kahyuM : A varSe huM jaiza. tame ciMtA nA karazo. vRddhAe ghaNI nA kahI chatAM huM UpaDyo. pavitra kiMmatI vastro paherI, caMdanAdithI pUjA karI meM tenuM citra AlekhyuM ane stuti karatAM kahyuM : "he yakSa ! moTA-moTA citrakAro paNa ApanuM citra AlekhavA samartha nathI to huM nAno bALaka koNa? chatAM A citra bhaktithI AlekhyuM che. AmAM kAMi ADuM-avaLuM thayuM hoya to mAphI cAhuM chuM." mArI namratAthI yakSa khuza-khuza thai gayo. mane varadAna mAMgavAnuM kahetAM meM sarva citrakArone abhayadAna ApavAnuM varadAna mAMgyuM. AthI yakSa bamaNo rAjI thayo ne kahyuM : A to te bIjA mATe mAMgyuM. tArA mATe zuM ? AthI meM mAMgyuM : "he yakSarAja ! mane evuM varadAna Apo ke jethI koi paNa vastu ke vyaktino koi ekAda aMza jovA maLI jAya tenA parathI huM AkhuMya yathArtha citra banAvI zakuM." yakSe mane tevuM varadAna ApyuM. AthI ja huM koinA paNa Abehuba citro banAvI zakuM chuM. rAjanuM! be divasa pahelA meM ApanI rANI mRgAvatInA hAthano aMgUTho joyelo. tenA parathI A AkhuM citra banAvI kADhyuM che. citra banAvatAM sAthaLanI jagAe potAnI meLe pIMchImAMthI kALo raMga paDyo. traNa-traNa vAra sApha karavA chatAM e raMga vAraMvAra paDavA lAgyo eTale meM emane ema rahevA dIdhuM che. nathI to meM rANInA mukhane joyuM ke nathI meM sAthaLa joi ! Apa mArI parIkSA paNa karI zako cho." Atma kathAo * 42 rAjAe citrakArane kUbaDI dAsInuM moDhuM batAvyuM. moDhA parathI Abehuba citra teNe banAvI ApyuM. rAjAnI zaMkA to dUra thai, paNa aMdarano DaMkha na gayo ! irSyA ane krodhathI rAjAe citrakAranA jamaNA hAthano aMgUTho kapAvI nAkhyo. basa... ahIMthI mArA para panotInI zarUAta thai gai. potAnI nirdoSatA-niraparAdhatA siddha karI ApavA chatAM potAnI AvI kadarthanAthI citrakAra roma-romamAM saLagI UThyo : A zatAnIkano badalo na lauM to mArI citrakaLA pANImAM gai ! eNe badalo levAnI pratijJA lIdhI. ghaNI vakhata moTA mANaso nAnA mANasone tuccha samajIne temano tiraskAra karI nAkhatA hoya che. paNa A ja nAnA mANaso kyAreka bhAre paDI jatA hoya che. nAno macchara AkhA hAthIne UMco-nIco karI zake che. nAnuM chidra AkhI hoDIne sAgaranA taLiye mUkI zake che. nAnI cinagArI AkhuM makAna khAkha karI zake che. nAnI phoDI AkhA zarIrane hacamacAvI zake che. mATe ja DAhyA mANase koine paNa tuccha samajI enI avagaNanA nahi karavI joie. photarA sAva tuccha ja che ne ? paNa chatAM e paNa potAnA sthAne mahattvapUrNa che. DAMgaramAMthI photarAne kADhI nAkho. zuM thaze ? DAMgara pharI UgavAnI zakti gumAvI besaze. koNe kahyuM : photarA sAva tuccha che ? photarAnuM paNa ATaluM mahattva hoya to mANasanuM keTaluM ? e tame ja vicArI lo. 1 khijAyelo pelo citrakAra mAruM citra lai ujjainanA caMDapradyota rAjA pAse pahoMcyo. caMDapradyotanI kAmukatA viSe to tame sAMbhaLyuM ja haze ? rUpALI strIo para potAno ja adhikAra che, ema e mAnato. mAruM citra jotAM ja e vihaLa banI gayo, ne mArA patideva zatAnIka rAjA para dUta dvArA saMdezo mokalyo : 'tArI mRgAvatI mane soMpI de. bhUlathI tArI pAse e AvI gai che. kudaratanI e bhUla huM sudhArI levA mAMguM chuM." mArA patideve to cokhkhuM kahI dIdhuM : 'tuM dUta che eTale avadhya che. bAkI tArA rAjAne kaheje ke pArakAM bairAM pratye kunajara karatAM Atma kathAo * 43

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zarama nathI AvatI ? mAre AdhIna strI pratye paNa jenI AvI najara bagaDe e potAnI prajAnuM rakSaNa zI rIte karaze ?' dUta dvArA zatAnIka rAjAno Avo makkama javAba sAMbhaLI krodhAMdha ane kAmAMdha caMDapradyota amArI nagarI para humalo karavA vizALa lazkara sAthe caDI Avyo. A samAcAra sAMbhaLatAM ja mArA patidevane eTalo AghAta lAgyo, mAnavanI adhamatAnI parAkASThA joi eTalI coTa lAgI ke emanuM hRdaya ja baMdha paDI gayuM, prANapaMkherU UDI gayuM. huM kSaNavAramAM vidhavA banI gai! acAnaka ja badhI javAbadArI mArA para AvI paDI... paNa huM ema gabharAi jAuM tevI nhotI. rAjakIya AMTIghuMTI ghaNI joi hatI. eka to strI svabhAvathI ja mutsuddI hoya, ne temAMya rAjakIya ATApATAno anubhava meLavelo hoya to pUchavuM ja zuM ? paNa... mane mArA zIlanI ciMtA hatI. mArA nAnA putra udayananI ciMtA hatI. mArI prajAnA rakSaNanI ciMtA hatI. zarUAtamAM to zuM karavuM ? kAMi sUjhyuM nahi. paNa tarata ja badhI nirAzA khaMkherI huM javAbadArIo pratye sAvadhAna thai gai. javAbadArI AvI paDe che tyAre potAnI meLe ja aMdara suSupta paDelI zaktio jAgRta thai UThe che. bhaya, yuddha ke kaTokaTInA samayamAM nabaLAmAM nabaLo mANasa paNa baLavAna banI jAya che. kAraNa ke tyAre tenI badhI ja zaktio eka sAthe jAgRta thai kAme lAgI jAya che. meM mArI strIsahaja buddhi tarata ja kAme lagADI. huM jANatI hatI ke caMDapradyotane lazkarI tAkAtathI jItavo muzkela che. jo huM sainika-zaktithI laDavA jaiza to avazya hArI jaiza. mArI zIla-rakSA bhayamAM mUkAi jaze ane mArI prajA paNa barabAda thai jaze. zIla-rakSA mATe jo huM ApaghAta karIza to mArA nAnA putra udayananuM bhaviSya zuM ? Ama to rAjanIti ema kahe che ke baLavAnanuM zaraNuM lai levuM. paNa jo huM tema karuM to zIlanI rakSA karavI muzkela thai jAya. strI Atma kathAo - 44 sahaja kapaTa-kaLA ja ahIM ajamAvavI ThIka raheze - mAruM hRdaya bolI UThyuM. zIlAdinI rakSA mATe kapaTa karavuM paDe to emAM pApa nathI. e huM sArI peThe jANatI hatI. meM dUta dvArA caMDapradyotane saMdezo mokalAvyo : "rAjan ! have to Apa ja mArA svAmI cho. paNa Apa jANo cho ke jo huM atyAre mArA nAnA bALakanA bharose A nagarI choDIne ApanI sAthe AvI jAuM to zatrurAjAone to moTI taka maLI jAya. Apa kahezo ke huM beTho chuM pachI kayA zatrunI AMkha UMcI karavAnI tAkAta che ? paraMtu Apa to raho ujjainamAM ane zatruo rahe che ahIM najIkamAM... sApa ozIkA nIce ane auSadhio himAlayamAM... upacAra zI rIte thAya ? mATe mArI Apane vinaMtI che ke mAro svIkAra karatAM pahelAM kauzAMbI pharato majabUta killo banAvI Apo. ujjainanI iMTo khUba ja majabUta hoya che - ema meM sAMbhaLyuM che. to Apane to ujjainanI iMTo dvArA killo banAvavo DAbA hAthano khela che. killo banI jAya pachI huM ApanI zaraNamAM ja chuM." mArA AvA saMdezAthI caMDapradyota rAjI-rAjI thai gayo : vAha ! mRgAvatI sAme caDIne mane jhaMkhe che ! mArA jevA rUpavAna ane baLavAnane koNa na jhaMkhe ? zatAnIkathI e Ameya kaMTALI gai haze ! namAlo pati kai strIne game ? Akhare to kudarata yogya vyaktine yogya pAtra meLavI ja Ape che. juone ! kudarate zatAnIkane svargalokamAM pahoMcADI dIdho... mRgAvatIne mArA mATe taiyAra karI ApI !! sAce ja huM saubhAgyazALI chuM ! - AvA kai vicArothI gAMDA-ghelA banelA caMDapradyote ujjainathI iMTo maMgAvI kauzAMbI pharato majabUta killo banAvI dIdho. e mUrakhane kyAM khabara hatI ke A ja killo mane bhAre paDavAno che ? kozeTAne kyAM khabara hoya che ke mArA ja taMtuo mArA mATe khataranAka banaze ? killo banI gayA pachI meM bIjA saMdezA dvArA caMDapradyota pAsethI dhana, dhAnya, baLataNa AdithI AkhI nagarIne samRddha banAvI dIdhI. basa... have coTalI mArA hAthamAM AvI gai. meM tarata ja killAnA badhA ja daravAjA baMdha karAvI dIdhA. Atma kathAo * 45

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caMDapradyotane mArI mutsadagIrIno have khyAla AvI gayo. e vilakho paDI gayo ! enuM moTuM kALuM thai gayuM ! jANe phaLa-bhraSTa thayelo vAMdaro ! paNa ema e kAMi gAMjyo jAya tevo na hato. kauzAMbInI AsapAsa teNe potAnuM lazkara goThavI dIdhuM. meM killA para subhaTone goThavI dIdhA. killA parathI surakSApUrvaka mArA subhaTo caMDapradyotanA sainya para prahAra karye jatA hatA. Ama keTalIya vakhata vItI gayo. eka vakhata mane vicAra Avyo : re jIva ! jIvana to Ama ne Ama vahI jaze.. A jIvana zuM ema ne ema eLe javA devuM che ? AyuSya keTaluM kSaNabhaMgura che ? najaranI sAme ja patideva paraloka cAlyA gayA. jamanuM teDuM kyAre Ave. zo bharoso? bhagavAna zrI mahAvIrasvAmI haju pRthvI taTa para viharI rahyA che. to zA mATe emanA caraNomAM samarpita banI mArA jIvanane saphaLa na banAvuM? paNa huM kamabhAgI chuM ke killAmAM pUrAyelI chuM. A killAmAMthI to have bhagavAna ja bahAra kADhI zake. ane bIjA ja divase bhagavAna zrI mahAvIra svAmI kauzAMbInA pAdare samavasaryA. manorathanI sAthe ja mane prApti thai gai. ApaNe prabhune sAcA hRdayathI samarIe to prabhu Ave ja. prabhu sAme ApaNe eka DagaluM bharIe to prabhu ApaNI sAme navvANuM DagalAM bharatAM Ave ja. bhakta ja prabhune jhaMkhe che evuM nathI. bhagavAna paNa bhaktane cAhe che, zodhe che. mArA manorathane jANIne ja bhagavAna kauzAMbImAM AvyA hatA. bhagavAnanA padArpaNanA samAcAra maLatAM ja huM nirbhaya banI gai. prabhu svayaM nirbhaya che - bIjAne paNa nirbhaya banAve che. mATe ja prabhu 'abhayanA dAtA' kahevAya che. killAnA daravAjA kholI huM ThAThamAThapUrvaka bhagavAnane vAMdavA cAlI. caMDapradyota paNa Avyo. hA... e paNa mArI jema bhagavAnano bhakta hato ! ame baMne bhagavAnanA samavasaraNamAM hatA... paNa koi upadrava nahi, koi anicchanIya prasaMga banyo nahi. bhagavAnano A ja to prabhAva Atma kathAo * 46 che. emanI hAjarI mAtrathI ja badhA ja upadravo UbhI pUMchaDIe bhAgI chUTe. sUrya hoya tyAM aMdhakAra na hoI zake. prabhu hoya tyAM upadrava na hoI zake. dezanAmAM bhagavAne viSaya-vAsanAnI bhayaMkaratA samajAvI, eka puruSe bhagavAnane prazna pUchyo : 'yA sA ?" bhagavAne kahyuM : "sA sA." | 'thAsA sAsA' no artha gautamasvAmIe pUchyo - tyAre bhagavAne pUchanArano pUrvabhava batAvyo. caMpAnagarIno strIlaMpaTa sonI 500 strIono pati hato. vastra, bhUSaNa vagere bAbatamAM atizaya kanaDagatathI trAselI strIoe ekavAra tenI gerahAjarImAM suMdara vastrAdinA paridhAna karyA. AthI acAnaka AvI pahoMcelA krodhAMdha sonIe eka strIne mArI nAkhI. AthI krodhe bharAyelI cAraso navANuM strIoe arIsAonA prahArathI sonIne mArI nAkhyo. pachI pazcAttApa karatI strIoe agnisamAdhi lIdhI. akAma-nirjarAthI teo (499) puruSa banyA ane jaMgalamAM lUMTArA banyA. pelI strI brAhmaNane tyAM puruSa rUpe janmI ne pelo sonI enI nAnI benarUpe jamyo. eka vakhata nAnI bena raDatI hatI tyAre bhAino hAtha acAnaka ja guhyAMga tarapha jatAM te zAMta thai gai. have te raDatI baMdha karavA Ama sadA karavA lAgyo. mAtA-pitAne khabara paDatAM tene gharamAMthI hAMkI kADhyo. 499 sAthe bhaLI jai e paNa luMTAro banyo.. yuvAvasthAmAM kulaTA banelI te strIne luMTArAoe potAnI patnI banAvI. pa00 vacce eka ja te patnI banI ! irSALu eTalI ke bIjI AvelI strIne kUvAmAM dhakko mArI, mArI nAkhI. AthI zaMkita banelA pelA brAhmaNe mane pUchyuM : zuM te mArI bena che ? meM kahyuM : hA.. te ja che. A sAMbhaLIne te brAhmaNa - putre vairAgya pAmI dIkSA lIdhI ane pallImAM jai cAraso navvANuM luMTArAone paNa pratibodha ApI dIkSA ApI. Atma kathAo * 47

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kevaLajJAnanA prakAzamAM meM joyuM ke mArA guraNIjInI pAsethI kALo sApa pasAra thai rahyo che. meM hAtha jarA saMthArAnI aMdara mUkyo. jhabakIne jAgelA mArA guruNIjIe hAthane aDavAnuM kAraNa pUchyuM tyAre meM satya vAta jaNAvI. guruNIjIe pUchyuM : "AvA aMdhArAmAM kALo sApa tane zI rIte dekhAyo? tane koi jJAna thayuM che ke zuM? kayuM jJAna thayuM che? pratipAtI ke apratipAtI ?" meM kahyuM : 'apratipAtI.' basa... thai rahyuM. mArA guruNI paNa evA pazcAttApanI gaMgAmAM jhIlavA lAgyAM ke emane paNa kevaLajJAna thai gayuM. maLelI kiMmatI cIja sau prathama guru-caraNe dharavI joie - e niyamanuM ahIM sahaja rIte pAlana thai gayuM hatuM. kAmAMdhatAnI bhayaMkaratA prabhue AbehUba darzAvI. dezanAnA aMte meM kahyuM : "prabhu ! caMDapradyotanI AjJA meLavIne huM paNa dIkSA laiza." pachI meM caMDapradyota pAse jaIne kahyuM : "tamArI saMmati hoya to mAre dIkSA levI che. mAro putra to meM tamane soMpI ja dIdho che." bhagavAnanA prabhAvathI caMDapradyotanuM vaira zAMta thai gayuM hatuM. teNe mArA putra udayanane kauzAMbIno rAjA banAvyo ane mane dIkSAnI rajA ApI. aMgAravatI Adi ATha strIo sAthe meM prabhu pAse dIkSA lIdhI. sAdhvI pramukhA AryA caMdanabALAnI huM ziSyA banI. adhyayana, sevA AdimAM huM layalIna banI gaI. saMsAramAM kadI hoto Avyo evo AnaMda mane saMyama jIvanamAM pratyeka paLe AvavA mAMDyo. keTalAka varSo pachI bha. zrI mahAvIradeva sAthe huM pharI kauzAMbImAM AvI. eka divase sUrya-candra potAnA mULa vimAna sAthe prabhunA darzanArthe AvelA... huM samavasaraNamAM besI rahI. mArAM guNI caMdanA to samaya thatAM cAlyA gayAM, paNa mane koi khyAla rahyo nahi. kAraNa ke sUryacandranA kAraNe cAre tarapha ajavALuM-ajavALuM hatuM. sUrya-candra cAlyo jatAM ekadama aMdhAruM thai jatAM huM hAMphaLI-phAMphaLI thatI jaladI-jaldI mukAme AvI. mArAM guruNIjIe mane zAMtabhAve Thapako ApatAM phakta eTaluM kahyuM : "tamArA jevA kulInane ATaluM moDuM AvavuM na zobhe !" basa... thai rahyuM. mane joradAra jhATako lAgyo. arere... mArA mATe thaine guNIjIne ATaluM bolavuM paDe ? huM kevI pramAdI ? kevI avinIta ? kyAre mAruM kalyANa thaze ? - huM pazcAttApanI dhArAmAM vahevA lAgI. pazcAttApanI mArI dhArA evI tIvra banI ke emAM mArA badhA ja ghAtI karmo taNAi gayA. mArI aMdara anaMta zaktino visphoTa thayo. jenA mATe huM badhI sAdhanA karatI hatI te kevaLajJAne AvIne mArA kaMThe vijayamALA paherAvI. huM kevaLajJAnI banI gai. mArAM guruNIjI haju chAstha hatAM ane huM kevaLI banI gai ! Atma kathAo * 48 Atma kathAo * 49

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haze. (6) huM rohiNiyo tamane koi vyasana kharuM ? jenuM vyasana hoya tenA vinA tamane na cAle, kharuMne ? tamArAmAMnA ghaNAne cAnuM, bIDInuM, pAna-parAganuM ke dArUnuM vyasana mane paNa vyasana hatuM; corInuM. tamane jema cA vinA na cAle, tema mane corI vinA na cAle ! corI na thAya e dahADe UMgha na Ave ! divasa vyartha lAge ! A vyasana mane vArasAmAMthI maLyuM hatuM. mAro bApa paNa cora hato. maratI vakhate eNe mane salAha ApI hatI ke - corI e to ApaNo bApa-dAdAno dhaMdho che. A dhaMdho jo tAre cAlu rAkhavo hoya to eka kAma tuM karaje. olA mahAvIra nAmanA jAdugarane to tuM oLakhe che ne ? enI vANI bhUle-cUkeya kadI sAMbhaLIza nahi. enI vANI sAMbhaLIne mArA keTalAya sAthIdAroe corI mUkI dIdhI. enI vANImAM koNa jANe evuM kAmaNa che ke ekavAra tuM sAMbhaLe to enI pAchaLa pAgala thai jAya. evI mIThAza che ke sAkara ne drAkSa paNa tuM bhUlI jAya. enI vANIe to zAlibhadra, dhannA jevA keTalAya zeThIyAone bAvA banAvI dIdhA ! A to huM ja evo majabUta chAtIno ke Aja sudhI enA prabhAvathI alipta rahI zakyo. paNa beTA ! mane lAge che ke tuM eTalo pAko nathI. tuM ghaNIvAra ghaNAnI vAtamAM bhoLavAi jAya che. tuM AvA kAcA kAnano che - eTale tane mArI khAsa salAha che ke jiMdagImAM jo sukhI thavuM hoya... bApa-dAdAno dhaMdho TakAvI rAkhavo hoya to kadI mahAvIranI vANI sAMbhaLIza nahi.' mRtyu-vakhatanI pitAnI salAha kayo dIkaro na mAne ? dareka putrane vizvAsa hoya che ke mRtyu-samaye mArA pitAjI mane je kaheze te hita mATe ja kaheze. bApanI hita-zikSA huM sAMbhaLI rahyo. hAthamAM pANI lai bApanI Atma kathAo * 50 sAme pratijJA karI : 'pitAjI ! AjathI dRDha saMkalpa karuM chuM ke kadI mahAvIranI vANI nahi sAMbhaLuM.' pitAjIne have zAMti thai. thoDIvAramAM e mRtyu pAmyA. lohakhura emanuM nAma hatuM. AkhI jiMdagI emaNe luMTaphATa, corI, khUna ane baLAtkAra jevA pAzavI kAryomAM ja gujArI hatI. mane paNa eno vAraso ApI gayA hatA. sAruM kuLa maLavuM, sArA saMskAro maLavA - e kAMi ochA puNyanI vAta nathI. e arthamAM mArA karatAM tame ghaNA puNyazALI kahevAo. kAraNa ke tamane kama se kama mArA bApa jevo UMdhI salAha ApanAro bApa nathI maLyo. pitAjInI samakSa lIdhelI pratijJAnuM huM aNIzuddha pAlana karavA lAgyo. corane paNa koika 'pratijJA' to hoya che ! mahAvIra avAra-navAra rAjagRha nagaramAM AvatA. emanI vANI sAMbhaLavA aneka zreSThIo, sAmaMto, rAjAo vagere jatA. mArA jevA DAku paNa jatA ane emanuM jIvana badalAi jatuM. AvA samAcAra mane maLatA tyAre huM gussAthI chaLI UThato : bicArA sAva kAnanA kAcA ! koinI vAtamAM bhoLavAi gayA ! dhaMdho khoyo ! bicArAonuM kuTuMba have bhUkhe maraze. jo ke huM bhoLavAi jAuM tevo nathI. chatAM vANI sAMbhaLavA nahi ja jAuM ! pratijJA eTale pratijJA ! ghaNIvAra mahAvIra AvyA paNa huM emanI pAse na ja gayo. e uttaramAM hoya to huM dakSiNamAM jato. banI zake tyAM sudhI to huM dizA ja badalAvI nAkhato. na chuTake pAse javuM ja paDe to kAnamAM AMgaLA ghAlIne bhAgI chUTato. bhUle-cUke paNa emanA zabdo mArA kAnamAM pesI na javA joie. kAMTo pese to vAMdho nahi, paNa zabdo na pesavA joie. kAMTAthI jeTalo Dara nhoto teTalo Dara mane emanA zabdothI hato. AkhI duniyA je zabdo mATe jhaMkhatI e zabdothI huM seMkaDo gAu dUra rahevA prayatna karato. paNa... ekavAra bhAre thai gai. huM kAnamAM AMgaLA ghAlIne jorathI Atma kathAo * 51

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doDI rahyo hato tyAM ja pagamAM jorathI kAMTo vAgyo. jorathI doDatA hoie to kAMTo paNa jorathI ja vAge ne ! haQrInI ! mAryA ThAra ! Aje bacavuM muzkela che. kAMTo kADhavo haze to kAnamAMthI AMgaLA kADhavA ja paDaze. kAnamAMthI AMgaLA kADhIza eTale e vANI saMbhaLAi ja jaze. jUo to kharA ! bhagavAne zarIra paNa kevuM ApyuM che ? na jovuM hoya to AMkha tame mIcI zako, paNa sAluM kAna mIcAtA nathI. kAna para koI DhAMkaNuM nathI. keTaluM sAruM jo kAna paNa mIcI zakAtA hota ! kSaNavAra mane bhagavAnane paNa gALo ApavAnuM mana thai gayuM ! AMkha mIcI zakAya ne kAna na mIcI zakAya - AvuM pakSapAtabharyuM valaNa zA mATe ? paNa ema babaDavAthI zarIramAM kazo pharaka paDavAno hoto. je vastusthiti che, ene svIkAryA vinA chUTako nhoto. meM dubhAtA dile AMgaLA kAcA ane jaladI-jaladI kAMTo kADhyo. kAMTo kADhatAM thoDIka vAra to lAge ne ? eTalI vAramAM mahAvIranA zabdo kAne paDyA : devo jamInathI cAra AMgaLa addhara rahe che. emanI AMkho palakArA mAratI nathI. emanI puSpamALAo karamAtI nathI. zarIra para mela ke pasIno hoto nathI." bhAre thai gai ! hotuM sAMbhaLavuM toya saMbhaLAi gayuM ! ghaNI kALajI pUrvaka varSothI pALelI pratijJA Aje tUTI gai ! saMbhaLAi gayuM to saMbhaLAi gayuM... have e badhuM sAMbhaLeluM huM bhUlI jAuM... meM bhUlavA prayatna karavA mAMDyo... paNa A zuM? jema-jema e bhUlavA prayatna karavA mAMDyo tema-tema vadhu ne vadhu e vANI aMdara guMjavA mAMDI. manano evo svabhAva che ke jene bhUlavA prayatna karo e ja vastu vAraMvAra yAda AvyA kare. mane vAraMvAra eja zabdo yAda AvavA mAMDyA. bhUlavAnA prayatno badala pariNAma e AvyuM ke e zabdo - e vAkyo ekadama kaMThastha thai gayA ! meM mAro dhaMdho cAlu ja rAkhyo. mArI jabaradasta corIothI AkhuM rAjagRha nagara trAhimAma pokArI UThyuM. mane pakaDavA aneka prayatno thatA, Atma kathAo * para aneka sainiko mArI pAchaLa pharatA, aneka jALa bichAvAtI, paNa huM e badhI jALomAMthI chaTakI jato ! cAlAka kharo ne ! Akhare dIkaro to lohakhurano ne ! kai rIte svara badalAvavo ? kai rIte moDhAnA bhAva badalAvavA ? kai rIte nirdoSa cahero batAvavo ? kai rIte bhaya chupAvIne sahaja rIte vyavahAra karavo? kyAM chupAi javuM? kai rIte prahAra karavo? pakaDAI javAnI zakyatA - hoya to corIno mAla kema pheMkI devo ? vagere aneka jhINI-jhINI bAbatonI mArA pitAjIe paddhatisara tAlIma ApI hatI. aneka anubhavomAMthI huM pasAra thai cUkyo hato. huM 'pIDha cora banI cUkyo hato. rAjA zreNika, maMtrI abhaya, koTavALo, sainiko, prajAjano vagere badhA ja mane pakaDavA AkAza-pAtALa eka karI rahyA hatA... chatAM huM badhAne hAthatALI dai chaTakI jato hato ! bolo, meM kevI caurya-kaLA vikasAvI haze ? keTaluM sAhasa ane keTalI cAlAkI huM ajamAvato hoiza ? corIno dhaMdho e to hiMmatano ane sAhasano dhaMdho che. emAM kAcA-pocAnuM kAma nahi. corInA dhaMdhAno huM garva anubhavato hato. jIvasaTosaTanA sAhasamAM mane AnaMda Avato hato. Ama karavA dvArA ja huM jhiMdAdilI vyakta karI zakato hato. koi divase nahi pakaDAi janAra huM eka vakhata pakaDAI gayo. corI karavA huM nagaranI aMdara jato hato. pAchA pharatI vakhate huM killAne kudI jato hato... paNa A vakhate killAnI cAreya tarapha sainikoe ghero ghAlyo hato. eTaluM sAruM hatuM ke mArI pAse koi corIno mAla nhoto ! A sArI taka hatI : potAne nirdoSa siddha karavAnI ! pakaDAi gayo to zuM thayuM ? haju chaTakavAnI - nirdoSa siddha thavAnI ghaNI tako hatI. abhayakumArano niyama hato ke corIno Aropa siddha thAya pachI ja sajA karavI. corInA mAla vinA e loko mane kai rIte doSita siddha karI zake ? mArI pUcha-paracha karavAmAM AvI. 'tAruM nAma zuM ?" Atma kathAo * 53

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'durgacaMDa'. meM kahyuM. 'tAruM gAma kayuM ?' zAligrAma.' 'zAno dhaMdho che ?' 'khetIno.' 'ahIM kema AvyA ?" "mArA khetInA kAme Avelo, paNa moDuM thai jatAM killAnA daravAjA baMdha thai gayA, eTale killo kUdIne huM mAre gAma jato hato. tyAM tamArA sainikoe mane pakaDI lIdho." ekadama nirdoSa cahero batAvI atyaMta sahajatAthI meM javAba Apyo. coranI chAtI kAcI hoya, enA javAbamAM paNa meM... meM... pheM.. pheM.. hoya, e badhuM huM sArI rIte jANato hato. eTale ja ekadama nirbhayatAno abhinaya karI meM javAbo ApyA. nATakano abhinetA paNa na karI zake eTalo mAro nirbhayatA ane sahajatAno abhinaya hato. tame ema nahi mAnatA - meM ela-phela gappA jhIMkI dIdhA. mArA badhA javAbo yojanAbaddha hatA. AkhuM zAligrAma mArA kabajAmAM meM rAkhyuM hatuM. khUba paisA ApIne badhA gAma-lokone meM vaza karI lIdhA hatA. Avo koi prasaMga Ave to tamAre amuka-amuka javAbo ApavA, ema paNa zIkhavI dIdhuM hatuM. ame coro kAMi kAcA nathI hotA... badhI rIte sajja hoie. koTavALane be AMkha hoya to ame cAra AMkha laine pharIe. rAjAe zAligrAmamAM tapAsa karAvI. mArI vAta kharI nIkaLI. have zuM thAya ? mane pakaDavo zI rIte ? nItimAna rAjAono evo kAyado hoya che ke so doSita chUTI jAya to vAMdho nahi, paNa eka nirdoSane sajA na thavI joie. huM doSita pUravAra thAuM nahi tyAM sudhI koi kAyado kAma karI zake tema nhoto. paNa... abhayakumAra konuM nAma ? eNe navI yukti lagAvI. mane premathI bhojana karAvyuM. bhojana bAda mane evuM peya ApyuM ke potAnI Atma kathAo * 54 sAthe ja mUcchita thai gayo. pAchaLathI mane samajAyuM ke e peya candrahAsa madirA hatI. huM jyAre bhAnamAM Avyo tyAre cakita thai gayo. mane kSaNabhara lAgyuM : huM svargalokamAM AvI gayo chuM ke zuM ? A svapna to nathI ne? koi brAnti to nathI ne ? meM mArI jAtane cUMTI khaNI nakkI karyuM ke svapna to nathI ! sonAnA ratnajaDita staMbho ! phUlonI pathArI ! maghamaghatuM vAtAvaraNa ! madahoza avasthAmAM nAcatI apsarAo ! saMgItanA madhura sUra relAvatA gaMdharvo ! stabdha thai javAya tevuM vAtAvaraNa hatuM. jaya jaya naMdA ! jaya jaya bhaddA ! Apano jaya ho ! Apano vijaya ho ! amArA puNyodaye A svargalokamAM ApanuM Agamana thayuM che. A ApanuM vimAna che. ame ApanA sevako chIe. A badhuM ja ApanA bhogavaTA mATe che." eka chaDIdAre mArI pAse AvIne madhura svare jaNAvyuM ..."paNa svAminuM ! svargalokano evo niyama che ke AgaMtuka deva potAnA pUrvajanmanA puNya-pApano hisAba jaNAve. to Apa ApanA pUrvajanmanI raheNI-karaNI batAvo." | huM chaDIdAranI vAta sAMbhaLI sAvadhAna thai gayo. mahAvIranA vacano mane yAda AvI gayA : devo dharatIthI cAra AMgaLa addhara rahe che, mALAnAM phUlo karamAtAM nathI, zarIra para pasIno hoto nathI, AMkho palakArA mAratI nathI. paNa huM joI rahyo hato ke ahIM to badhA ja dharatIne aDIne cAle che. phUlo karamAi gayA che. AMkho palakArA mAre che. zarIra pasInAthI rebajheba che. na hoya... na hoya... A svargaloka to na ja hoya... haM... samajAyuM : A to mane pakaDavAnuM kAvataruM ! paNa huMye kyAM kAcI mATIno hato ? meM paNa nakkI karyuM ke evA javAba ApuM ke mArA mATe SaDayaMtra ghaDanAra chakkaDa khAi jAya ! meM pUrI svasthatAnA abhinayapUrvaka javAba Apyo. hA... abhinayamAM to huM ekko hato. meM kahyuM : pUrvabhavamAM huM ahaMnuno bhakta zrAvaka hato. meM ghaNuM supAtradAna karyuM che, tIrthayAtrA karI che, dhArmika Atma kathAo * 55

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anuSThAno karyA che, jinAlaya baMdhAvyA che, bhAvathI pujA karI che... mAruM lAMbuMlaca dhArmika lisTa vaccethI ja toDI pADatAM pelA chaDIdAre kahyuM: 'paNa nAtha ! puNyanI jema ApanA jIvanamAM pApa paNa kAMIka haze ne ? sikkAnI bIjI bAju have batAvo. dareka mANasanA jIvanamAM divasarAtanI jema puNya-pApanuM paNa cakra hoya che. ApanI UjaLI bAju sAMbhaLI... have aMdhArI bAju paNa ame sAMbhaLavA mAMgIe chIe." "are zuM vAta karo cho ? aMdhArI bAju ? pApa karanAro kadI svargamAM AvI zakato haze ? tame svarganA chaDIdAra thai ATaluM sIdhuMsAduM satya samajI zakatA nathI ?" chaDIdAra bhoMTho to paDI gayo, paNa mArI pAse vAta okAvavA judAjudA ghaNA prayatno karyA... paNa huM TasathI masa na thayo ! Akhare huM lohakhurano dIkaro hato ! abhayakumAra mArI caturAI samajI gayo. mane eNe nirdoSa choDI mUkyo. hA.. doSa pUravAra na thAya tyAM sudhI sajA na thAya - e nItine e dRDhatAthI vaLagI rahyo. huM nirdoSa chUTI to gayo, paNa mAruM ja aMtaHkaraNa bolavA lAgyuM : re jIva ! teM mAtra eka ja vAra anicchAe mahAvIranI vANI sAMbhaLI to tAruM jIvana bacI gayuM. atyAre jo vANI sAMbhaLelI na hota to cokkasa tuM bhramamAM paDI jAta, javAba ApavAmAM garabaDa karI deta... ane tuM pakaDAi jAta ! anicchAthI sAMbhaLavA chatAM ATalo lAbha thato hoya to icchApUrvaka sAMbhaLyuM hoya to? thoDA zabdo paNa ATaluM kAma karatA hoya to ghaNA zabdo zuM kAma na kare ?' pitAjIe sAce ja mane geramArge doryo. Ane bApa zI rIte kahevAya ! bApa nahi paNa pApa che, je putrano hitazatru bane. | mAruM vicAra-valoNuM AgaLa vadhyuM... arere... A jIvanamAM meM keTalI corIo karI ? keTalAne trAsa Apyo ? keTalAnA nisAsA lIdhA ? hiMsA karatAMya corI moTuM duHkha Ape che. hiMsA-khUnamAM to sAmI vyaktine mAtra kSaNavAra duHkha thAya... jyAre corImAM to sAmI vyakti bicArI Atma kathAo * pa6 jIvanabhara dubhAyA kare ! jIvanabhara baLApo kADhyA kare ! AvA keTalAya nirdoSa mANaso mArA para nisAsA nAkhI rahyA haze ! vaLI, mAruM jIvana paNa kevuM? haDakAyA kUtarA jevuM ! AmathI tema bhAgyA ja karavAnuM ! satata bhaya nIce ja jIvavAnuM ! A te kaMi jIvana che ! na kyAMya AnaMda ! na kyAMya zAMti ! na kyAMya vizrAnti ! basa... Ama tema bhaTakyA ja karo ! zrI mahAvIra bhagavAnanA caraNomAM beThelA keTalA zAMta hoya che ! huM paNa evI zAMti zA mATe na meLavuM? mAnava avatAramAM haDakAyA kUtarA jevuM jIvana zA mATe jIvuM ? ne... vaLatI ja paLe huM bhagavAna mahAvIra pAse pahoMcyo ne dhrusakedhrusake raDatAM huM bolyo : "bhagavan! Apane meM oLakhyA nahi. ApanA viSe haMmeza huM gerasamaja ja dharAvato rahyo. mane ema ja lAgatuM : Apa jAdugara cho, indrajAlika cho. lokone bharamAvo che. paNa prabhu ! Aje mane Apa parama karuNAnA sAgara lAgo cho. ApanI AMkhomAM karuNAno ghughavato aphATa sAgara huM joi rahyo chuM. prabhu ! ApanA thoDAka vacanoe paNa mane jIvana-dAna ApyuM to ApanA caraNomAM saMpUrNa samarpaNa zuM nahi Ape ? atyAra sudhI mane bIjA koie nahi, paNa bApe ja Thagyo... paNa Aje huM ApanuM sAcuM svarUpa jANI zakyo chuM. nAtha ! atyAra sudhI karelAM badhAM pApono nAza karavA huM ApanA caraNomAM dIkSita banavA cAhuM chuM. e pahelAM huM zreNika mahArAjA pAse jai corInI kabUlAta karI, corIno badho ja mAla samarpita karI AvuM." prabhunI anumati lai huM zreNika mahArAjA ane abhayakumAra pAse pahoMcyo. corInI kabUlAta karI guphAmAM rahelo corIno badho ja mAla batAvI dIdho. pachI prabhunA caraNomAM Atma-samarpaNa karI dIdhuM. huM muni banI gayo. cIkaNAM pApa-kamano nAza karavA cha-cha mahinAnA upavAso huM karavA lAgyo. chevaTe vaibhAragiri para anazana lai huM svarge gayo. mane oLakhyo ? huM rohiNiyo cora ! Atma kathAo * 57

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(7) huM caMDakauzika gusso jovo hoya to mane joi lo ! gussAno huM paryAya hato, ema kahuM to cAle. mAruM nAma paDe ane mANaso bhAge. are... bhAgavAno paNa samaya na maLe... jo teo mArI AMkhe caDI jAya ! mArI AMkhamAM ja jhera hatuM. sUrya sAmuM joi jenI sAme joto e baLIne khAkha thai jatuM ! mANasa hoya ke pazu ! pakSI hoya ke vRkSa ! badhuM ja bhasmIbhUta ! jyAM jyAM najara mArI paDe Aga tyAM bhaDake baLe ! tame kahezo : "Ama karavAthI tamane zuM AnaMda Ave ? UlaTuM jyAM tame rahetA hatA e lIluMchama jaMgala sUkuMbhaTTa thai gayuM, pazu, pakSI ane mANasonuM Agamana baMdha thai gayuM. tamAruM raheThANa masANa jevuM thai gayuM. emAM tamane lAbha zo thayo ?" lAbhanI tame kyAM mAMDo cho ? lAbha joito'to ja kone ? bIjAne geralAbha thAya, e ja mAro lAbha ! mane joine bIjA dhrujavA mAMDe A ja mAro lAbha ! mArI AMkha paDe tyAM agni pragaTe A ja mAro AnaMda ! tame mane pUcho cho te karatAM duryodhana, parazurAma, hiTalara, caMgIjakhAna, nAdirazAha vagerene pUcho ne ? hajAro mANaso mAravAthI emane zo lAbha thayo ? jhagaDAkhorone pUcho ke niraMtara jhagaDAo karavAthI tamane zo lAbha thayo ? UlaTuM tamArAthI loko vimukha thai gayA, tamane dhikkAratA thai gayA, tamArA AgamanathI aNagamo dharAvavA lAgyA. zo lAbha thayo jhagaDA karavAthI ? paNa jhagaDAkhoro pAsethI koi javAba nahi maLe. jhagaDo e ja emanuM jIvana ne jhagaDo e ja emanuM bhojana hoya che. krodha emanA vyaktitvanuM aMga banI gayuM hoya che. krodhanI jvALAne jyota mAnIne teo ene haMmezA pUjyA karatA hoya che. krodha vinA temane badhuM sUnuMsUnuM lAge che. krodha ja prabhAva che, ema temanI mAnyatA hoya che. AvA mANasone vidhvaMsamAM AnaMda Avato hoya che. badhuM veraNacheraNa karI nAkhavuM e emano janmajAta svabhAva hoya che. keTalAkano Atma kathAo * 58 janma ja jANe vidhvaMsa mATe thato hoya che. parazurAma, hiTalara vageree zuM karyuM ? keTalA mANasone motane ghATa UtAryA ? aMte temane zuM maLyuM ? kayo AnaMda maLyo ? bIjAne satAvavAmAM maLato vikRta AnaMda e ja emanuM bhojana hatuM ! huM paNa koi kALa coghaDIye janmelo Avo ja sApa hato. tame mANaso paNa jo... karoDo mANasone mArI nAkhanArA ghAtakI banI zakatA ho... katalakhAnAo calAvI karoDo pazuone kacaDI nAkhatA ho... to huM to prANI hato, sApa hato... vaLI huM lAcAra hato... huM dRSTiviSa sApa hato. mArI AMkhomAM ja jhera hatuM... jenI sAme jouM te baLIne bhasma thai jAya ! avatAra ja evo maLyo emAM thAya zuM ? Akho divasa AMkho baMdha karIne to besAya nahi. jo ke AMkho baMdha karavAno mane vicAra ja nhoto Avato. mane to bIjAne saLagAvavAmAM AnaMda Avato. sAmAne saLagato joi huM manomana rAjI thato ! bIjAnA AkraMdamAM mAro AnaMda hato. bIjAnI AgamAM mAro bAga hato ! na jANe meM keTalAya mANaso, pazuo, pakSIone bALIne khAkha karI nAkhyA haze ! mANaso to mArA raste AvatA ja baMdha thai gayA hatA. koI bhUlyo bhaTakyo pazu ke Ama tema UDatuM koi pakSI mArI aDapheTe caDI jAya to AvI banyuM ! vRkSo to badhA ThuMThA banI gayA hatA ! eka vakhate acAnaka ja pAMdaDAno avAja Avyo. avAja parathI lAgyuM ke koi AvI rahyuM che. meM joyuM to dUrathI koi mANasa AvI rahyo hato. mAruM hRdaya nAcI UThyuM : cAlo, ghaNA vakhatathI Aje mANasane baLato jovAno AnaMda Avaze. mane joine bIjA mANaso to mUThIo vALI bhAgavA mAMDe, paNa A mANasa to ekadama zAMta ane svastha thai mArI tarapha Avato ja rahyo. huM gussAthI dhamadhamI UThyo. mAruM AvuM apamAna ? mArAthI bhaya nahi pAmavo... nirbhayapaNe mArI sAme AvavuM, e thoDuM apamAna che ? meM sUrya sAme dRSTi lagAvI enI sAme joyuM, paNa re... ene to kAMi ja asara nA thai. pahelI vakhata mane AvI niSphaLatA maLI. Atma kathAo * 59

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pelo mANasa to ajabano hato. e to mArI pAse AvIne Ubho ja rahI gayo. have to mArA apamAnanI hada thai gai ! Ama koi UbhuM rahI jAya emAM mArI AmanyA kyAM rahI ? Ane to barAbara pATha bhaNAvavo joize. karaDyA vagara ThekANuM nahi paDe. meM enA aMgUThe jorathI DaMkha bharyo. DaMkha bharIne tarata ja huM dUra khasI gayo. rakhe A mANasa mArA para dhaba daIne paDe ! hajArone mAranAro huM... "koi mane na mAre' enA mATe keTalI takedArI rAkhato hato ? paNa... pelo mANasa to haju ema ja Ubho hato. enA aMgUThAmAMthI lohI nahi, paNa jANe dUdha nIkaLI rahyuM hatuM. Avo mANasa meM jIMdagImAM kadI joyo nhoto. A jagyAe bIjo koI hoya to lAkaDI mAre, pote bhAgI chuTavAno prayatna kare, paNa ahIM evuM kAMi ja hotuM ! jIvatI jAgatI zAMti jANe TaTAra UbhI hatI. huM e vicitra mANasanI sAmuM jovA lAgyo. oha ! keTalI karuNA enI AMkhomAM bharI hatI ! keTalI prazAnta vAhitA enA caherA para vilasI rahI hatI ! rUpa paNa keTaluM jhagArA mAratuM hatuM - jANe ekI sAthe ekaso candra UgyA ! Avo rUpALo ! Avo zAnta ! Avo svastha mANasa meM kadI joyo hoto... mANasa Avo hoI zake, enI mane kalpanA paNa nahotI. huM barAbara enI sAme joi rahyo hato tyAre e mANasa atyaMta madhura avAje bolyo : "bujajha bujajha caMDakosIyA !' zuM mIThAza hatI e zabdomAM ? jANe AMbAnI DALe koyala TahUkI ! jANe cAMdInI ghaMTaDI raNakI ! jANe sAkarane vAcA phUTI ! huM e mIThAza ane vahAlathI abhibhUta banI gayo. e mANasanI AMkhomAMthI nIkaLatI karuNA mArA hRdayamAM UtarI rahI hoya tema mane lAgyuM. huM enA mukhanI sAme tAkIne joto ja rahyo, joto ja rahyo. jotAM-jotAM mane kazuMka yAda AvavA mAMDyuM : AvuM rUpa, AvuM mukha kyAMka joyuM che. kyAMka joyuM che. huM mArA acetana manamAM UMDone UMDo Utarato gayo. Utarato Atma kathAo * 60 gayo... eka pachI eka paDadA haTatA gayA... haTatA gayA... ane meM joyuM : oha ! pUrvajanmamAM huM dharmaghoSa nAmano tapasvI sAdhu ! jIvanamAM tapa kharo, paNa samatA nahi. koi mane kAMi kahI de e huM sahana karI zakato nahi. krodhanuM mULa paNa abhimAnamAM che. huM tapasvI ane mane koi kahI jAya ? mAro ahaMkAra hUMphADA mArato hato. eka divase damadaMta nAmanA bAla muni sAthe huM gocarIe jato hato tyAre paga nIce nAnakaDI deDakI kacarAine marI gai. bAla munie kahyuM : "mahArAja ! tamArA paga nIce deDakI marI gai.' huM moTo tapasvI ane mane koi nAno sAdhu kahI jAya ? mArI AbarU zuM? mArA ahaMkAre garjanA karI. meM kahyuM: ema? deDakI kacaDAi gai ? bIjI badhI kacaDAyelI deDakIo paNa meM ja mArI ema ne ?" ahaMkArI mANasa potAnI bhUlano bacAva kevA vicitra DhaMgathI karato hoya che ! bhUla kabUla karavAnuM to dUra rahyuM paNa e to UlaTo sAmI vyakti para trATakI paDe che. AvA ahaMkArI, krodhI mANasano eka ja uddeza hoya che ke pharI koI mArI sAme cUMya na kare ! ekavAra prabhAva pADI daie pachI majAla nathI koinI ke ApaNI bhUla batAvI zake ! paNa... bAla muni to mArI pAchaLa paDI gayA... be-traNa vAra deDakAnI virAdhanA yAda karAvyA pachI sAMje pratikramaNamAM paNa yAda karAvyuM. have huM jhAlyo rahuM ? 'A TeNiyAne to methIpAka ApIne sIdho karavo paDaze. nahito e mAro jIva khAze.' AvA koika vicAra sAthe huM ene mAravA doDyo. mane dhasI AvatA joi pelA bAla muni to aMdhArAmAM kyAMya chU thai gayA. huM emane pakaDavA doDyo. paNa kyAM e caMcaLa bALa muni ne kyAM gharaDo huM? doDavA gayo paNa pakaDI na zakyo. rastAmAM thAMbhalA sAthe TakarAyo. aMdara ane bahAra baMne jagyAe aMdhAruM hatuM eTale thAMbhalo dekhAyo nahi, bahAra rAtanuM aMdhAruM ane aMdara krodhanuM aMdhAruM ! jorathI thAMbhalA sAthe TakarAtAM mAruM mAthuM phATI gayuM. koi samAdhi ApavA Ave te pahelAM ja mArA rAma ramI gayA. Atma kathAo * 61

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bhavAMtaramAM huM eka Azramano tApasa banyo. gussAnA saMskAro to huM sAthe ja lAvyo hato. AzramamAM koi Ave ane jo mArA vRkSone ke phaLone hAtha lagAve to enuM AvI banyuM. huM kuhADI laine enI pAchaLa doDato. mAruM nAma to hatuM kauzika tApasa... paNa pracaMDa gussAnA kAraNe lokoe mAruM nAma pADyuM : caMDakauzika tApasa ! tame paNa jo gusso karazo to loko tamAruM nAma badalI nAkhaze hoM ! nAma haze zAMtilAla, paNa zAMtino chAMToya nahi hoya to loko kaheze : caMDazAMtilAla ! pelA AcAryanuM nAma to hatuM : rudrAcArya ! paNa gusso eTalo badho hato ke lokoe nAma pADyuM H caMDarudrAcArya ! mAro gusso eTalo pracaMDa hato ke mArA 500 ziSyo paNa mArI pAse TakyA nahi. badhA bhAgI gayA. eka vakhate keTalAka kumArone meM mArA AzrayamAMthI phaLo toDatA joyA. mAro pitto phATyo. kuhADI lai huM mAravA doDyo ! paNa rastAmAM AvelA khADAmAM paDyo. mArI ja kuhADIe mArI khoparI toDI nAkhI ! marIne have huM A bhavamAM dRSTiviSa sApa banyo hato. pUrvabhavanuM nAma 'caMDakauzika' A bhavamAM paNa lAgI gayuM hatuM ! huM prabhu samakSa manomana bolI rahyo hato : "prabhu ! mAruM keTaluM badhuM adhaHpatana thai gayuM ? kyAM tapasvI muni ? kyAM dRSTiviSa sApa ? kyAM zikhara ? kyAM khAi ?" krodha sAthe prema karavAthI meM zuM meLavyuM ? krodhano guNAkAra thato ja gayo... thato ja gayo... dravya - kSetra - kALa ane bhAva... badhA prakAre krodha vadhato ja gayo. karmasattAe jANe paDakAra pheMkyo : dosta ! tane krodha bahu game che ? lAva... tane evA sthAne mUkI dauM... jyAM krodhanI suvidhA sArI rIte maLatI rahe !' hA... A saMsAramAM ApaNe je icchIe chIe, te ja maLe che. krodha game to krodhanI sAmagrI maLe. kSamA game to kSamAnI sAmagrI maLe ! mokSa game to mokSanI sAmagrI maLe. saMsAra game to saMsAranI sAmagrI maLe ! atyAra sudhI mokSa kema nathI maLyo ? ApaNe mokSanI icchA ja nathI karI mATe nathI maLyo. saMsAra eTalA Atma kathAo * 62 mATe maLyo che ke ApaNe enI ja icchA karI che. iccho te maLe ja' saMsArano sanAtana kAyado che ! sukha mAgavA chatAM kema maLatuM nathI ? ema pUchazo nahi... kAraNa ke tamAruM sukha, duHkhanuM ja bIjuM nAma che. sukhanI cAhanAthI tame duHkhane ja AmaMtraNa ApI rahyA cho ! astu. dravya, kSetrAdithI have ApaNe vicArIe. dravyathI sAdhu avasthAmAM mAravA mATe mAtra rajoharaNa ja hatuM. tApasanA bhavamAM kuhADI maLI. jyAre A bhavamAM AMkhamAM ja jhera maLyuM ! bIjAne mAravAnI sAmagrImAM keTalI pragati ? kSetrathI - sAdhupaNAmAM mAtra upAzraya hato. tApasapaNAmAM enAthI moTuM Azrama maLyuM ane A bhavamAM to AkhuM ne AkhuM jaMgala maLI gayuM. iccho tyAM jAva ane tophAna macAvo ! karme suvidhA karI ApI - rakhaDavAnI ! tApasanA bhavamAM yuvAvasthAthI gusso Avyo paNa A bhavamAM to janmathI ja gusso ! phula TAima DyuTI ! janmathI laine ekadhArI ! bhAvathI - sAdhupaNAmAM eka bALa munine ja mAravAno vicAra. tApasanA bhavamAM AzramamAM phaLo coravA Ave tene ja mAravAno bhAva ! paNa A bhavamAM to doSita hoya ke nirdoSa hoya, pazu hoya ke mANasa hoya ! AMkhe caDyo te maryo ! sAme bhagavAna Ave toya huM mAravA taiyAra ! mArA krodhanI zI vAta karavI ? prabhu ! mane tAro ! A gussAnI Age ja A vanane ja nahi, mArA jIvanane paNa registAna banAvI nAkhyuM. nAtha ! have Apa ene naMdanavana banAvo ! ApanI karuNAvRSTimAM e zakti che. A bhava ja mane evo maLyo che ke icchA vinA paNa hiMsA thai jAya ! dRSTi paDe tyAM Aga lAge ! svAmI ! A zarIramAM have mAre rahevuM nathI. ghaNAne saLagAvI nAkhyA, ghaNA pApo bAMdhI nAkhyA, have nathI bAMdhavA ! prabhu ! mane anazana Apo jethI A zarIrathI mAro jaldI Atma kathAo * 63

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(8) huM megha A chuTakAro thAya." meM prabhune traNa pradakSiNA ApI anazana svIkAryuM. mArI dRSTi koi para na paDe mATe meM mAruM moTuM rAphaDAmAM nAkhyuM. lokone khabara paDI ke sApa have zAMta thai gayo che. AthI teo nirbhayatAthI Ava-jA karavA mAMDyA. keTalAka loko ghI-dahIM vagerethI mArI pUjA paNa karavA mAMDyA ! paNa emanI pUjA mArA mATe kaSTanuM kAraNa banI gai. ghI-dahIMnA kAraNe seMkaDo jaMgalI kIDIo UbharAi. mArA zarIrane vIMdhIne pele pAra javA lAgI. mAruM zarIra kIDIoe cALaNI jevuM banAvI nAkhyuM. mane asahya vedanA thavA mAMDI. paNa huM vicArato : he jIva ! teM seMkaDonA jAna lIdhA che temane kevI vedanA thai haze ? e vedanAnI pAse to A kAMi nathI. he jIva ! sahana kara... sahana kara... svecchAthI sahana karavAmAM amApa lAbha che. meM mArA mana ane zarIra para pUrepUruM niyaMtraNa meLavI rAkhyuM. manathI huM saheja paNa khinna na banyo ane zarIra saheja paNa cAlavA na dIdhuM. kAraNa ke huM jo zarIra halAvuM to seMkaDo kIDIo marI jAya tema hatuM. nA... have huM vadhAre pApo bAMdhavA nhoto mAMgato ! pUrA paMdara divasa sudhI AvI vedanA samAdhipUrvaka sahIne huM mRtyu pAmyo. parama karuNAnA sAgara prabhu tyAM sudhI mArI pAse ja rahyA. marIne huM Aje kyAM chuM, jANo cho ? Aje huM sahastrAra nAmanA AThamA devalokano deva chuM. krodhanA kAraNe huM sAdhumAMthI sApa banyo. kSamAnA kAraNe huM sApamAMthI deva banyo. tame zuM pasaMda karazo ? krodha ke kSamA ? kSamAno saMdeza relAvatuM mAruM jIvana tamArI sAme che. savAla tamArI icchAno che. bacAvo... bacAvo... o mahArAjA ! mane bacAvo. huM ApanA zaraNamAM chuM. Apa zaraNAgata vatsala cho." Ama bolatuM eka kabUtara mArA caraNomAM AvI paDyuM. huM mahAvidehanI puMDarIkiNI nagarIno rAjA megharatha hato. Aje pauSadhazALAmAM pauSadha laine beTho hato. rAjA hovA chatAM huM dharma-niyamonuM custapaNe pAlana karato. Aje pauSadhamAM Azcaryajanaka ghaTanA banI. eka kabUtare AvIne mAruM zaraNuM lIdhuM. kabUtaro to ghaNA joyA hatA, paNa Ama mANasanI bhASAmAM bolatuM kabUtara pahelIvAra joyuM. bhayathI dhrujatA kabUtarane meM kahyuM : "tuM bhaya na pAma. have koinI tAkAta nathI ke tane mArI zake. tuM mArA zaraNe che. zaraNAgatanuM rakSaNa jIvanA jokhame paNa karavuM - e ama kSatriyono dharma che." Ama huM bolI ja rahyo hato tyAM ja phaTa... phaTa... pAMkho phaphaDAvatuM bAja pakSI AvI pahocyuM ane manuSyanI bhASAmAM bolavA mAMDyuM : 'rAjanuM ! e kabUtara mane ApI do. mane bahu bhUkha lAgI che.' 'e kabUtara tane nahi maLe. e mArA zaraNamAM che.' 'paNa mArI bhUkhanuM zuM ? mArA para dayA nahi karavAnI ? A tamAro dayAdharma kevo ? kabUtaranI dayA khAtara bAjane bhUkhyo mAravo... emAM dayA kyAM rahI ? tame ja vicAro !' bAje dalIlabAjI karI. tane bhUkha lAgI hoya to ghaNAya caNa maLI zakaze." meM kahyuM. are, rAjan ! zuM Apane khyAla nathI ke bAja mAMsAhArI che? amAre caNathI zuM kAma ? amane to mAMsa joie mAMsa ! tAjuM mAMsa ! bIjuM kAMi huM na jANuM. mane mAruM kabUtara pAchuM Apo athavA tAjuM mAMsa Apo." bAje cokhkha-cokhkhuM kahI dIdhuM. Atma kathAo * 65 Atma kathAo * 64

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huM muzkelImAM mUkAI gayo. zuM karavuM ? A bAju vAgha ne A bAju nadI ! ahIM jAuM to vAgha phADI khAya ne tyAM jAuM to nadI tANI jAya ! kabUtara ApuM to jIva-hatyA thAya ne na ApuM to bAja bhUkhyo mare ! have karavuM zuM? kabUtara to koi hisAbe na ApavuM - e mAro daDha saMkalpa hato. to zuM bIjA koinuM mAMsa ApI devuM ? nahi... e kadI nahi bane. mArA jevAthI evo vicAra paNa thai zake nahi. mAMsa koine mAryA vinA maLI zake nahi. A kabUtarane mAro ke bIjA koine mAro... hiMsA baMne sthAne samAna che. have zuM karavuM? tamArA jIvanamAM paNa ghaNIvAra AvA saMkaTo UbhA thatA haze. tyAre tame vicAratA hazo : 'have zuM karavuM ? kyAM javuM ? dukAne javuM ke vyAkhyAne ? tapa karavuM ke khAvuM ? saMsAra saMbhALavo ke dharma ?' AvA mUMjhavaNamAM mUkI detA prazno ghaNIvAra jAgatA hoya che ne ? bharata cakravartInI samakSa Avo ja prazna upasthita thayo hato ne ? atyAre kyAM jAuM ? cakraratnanI pUjA karuM ke pitAjIne kevaLajJAna thayuM che tyAM jAuM ? bharata to vivekI hatA ane temaNe kevaLajJAnane pradhAnatA ApI. tame ho to zuM karo ? mAro prazna to AnAthI paNa vikaTa hato, paNa mana jo dharmane saMpUrNa samarpita hoya to badhAnA ukela maLI rahe che. mane ekAeka vicAra Avyo : "huM mAruM ja mAMsa ApI dauM to kema ? kabUtara paNa bacI jaze ane bAja pakSInI bhUkha paNa zAMta thaze." meM bAjane kahyuM : "huM bIjA koinuM mAMsa to tane ApI zakuM nahi, paNa mAruM mAMsa ApI zakIza. bola tuM taiyAra che ?' - "hA... mane cAlaze. paNa zarata mAtra eTalI ke kabUtara jeTaluM ja mAMsa mAre joie. ethI jarAya ochuM na cAle. e mATe tamAre trAjavuM maMgAvavuM paDaze." bAje potAnI bAjI nAkhI. meM trAjavuM maMgAvI eka pallAmAM kabUtara rAkhyuM ane bIjI bAju huM mAruM mAMsa kApIne nAkhavA taiyAra thayo. meM charI hAthamAM lIdhI. Atma kathAo * 66 | tamArA jevA kadAca vicAre : "eka kabUtarane bacAvavA ATaluM balidAna ? Ama karavAnI jarUra zI? duniyAmAM lAkho-karoDo kabUtarone bAja pakSIo Ameya mArI ja rahyA che. eka kabUtara bhale vadhAre mare. emAM zo pharaka paDavAno che ?' savAla pharaka paDavAno nathI, savAla hRdayamAM rahelI karuNAnI dhArAno che. tame kahezo : "eka kabUtara javA do. bAkI AkhI duniyAnA jIvo para dayA karo ne ! dayA pAtra ghaNAya jIvo che.' tame eka vAta samajI lo ke je mANasa potAnI sAme ja rahelA eka jIva para dayA karato nathI, te dUra rahelA jIvo para zI rIte dayA karI zakaze? enI dayA to daMbhano ja paryAya mAtra haze ! mAtra mananI cAlAkI haze ! vaLI, AkhI sRSTi eka-bIjA sAthe saMkaLAyelI che. ekanI hatyAmAM sarva jIvonI hatyA che. ekanI rakSAmAM sarvanI rakSA che. badhA ja jIvo eka ja sUryanA kiraNo che. eka ja phUlanI pAMkhaDIo che. eka ja hAMDInA cokhA che. eka ja DALanA paMkhI che. eka ja jahAjanA musApharo che. eka ja samudranA biMduo che. eka ja saMgItanA svaro che. emAMthI ekanI paNa upekSA thai zake nahi. jyAre ApaNI cetanA virATa bane che, vizvacetanA bane che tyAre ekeeka jIvo pratye karuNA pragaTe che, premanI dhArA vahe che. charIthI meM mArA sAthaLamAM raheluM mAMsa kApIne trAjavAmAM rAkhyuM. kahevAmAM A jeTaluM saraLa che, teTaluM karavAmAM nathI hoM ! eka kAMTo vAgI jAya toya cIsa nIkaLI jAya tyAM charInI vedanA keTalI haze ? e kalpanA karI juo. paNa hRdaya jyAre bIjA pratye premathI UbharAya che, tyAre AvuM du:kha paNa duHkha nathI lAgatuM, sukha lAge che. bIjAne jo thoDuMkeya sukha maLatuM hoya to karuNApUrNa hRdaya potAnA para aneka duHkho jhIlI levA tatpara banI jatuM hoya che. huM to kApI-kApIne mAMsanA TUkaDA trAjavAmAM mUkavA mAMDyo.. paNa Azcarya! haju kabUtaranuM palluM nIcuM ja hatuM ! ATaluM vajanadAra kabUtara kyAreya Atma kathAo * 67

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- (9) huM dazArNabhadra ti joyuM hotuM. baMne sAthaLanuM mAMsa kApyA pachI have zuM kApavuM? meM vicAryuM: 'have kApavAthI nahi cAle. mAre AkhAne AkhA trAjavAmAM besI javuM paDaze.' ne... huM trAjavAmAM besI gayo. cAreya bAju hAhAkAra thai gayo. mArI sAthe pauSadha karanArA tathA sAmaMto, senApatio vagere kahevA lAgyA : rAjanuM ! basa karo... basa karo... eka kabUtara mATe Apa balidAna kAM Apo? ApanA vinA rAjya nadhaNiyAtuM thai jaze. ApanA jIvanamAM seMkaDonAM jIvana che. ApanA mRtyumAM seMkaDonAM mRtyu che. A kabUtara paNa koi devamAyA lAge che. nahito ATaluM vajana hoya zAnuM? manuSyabhASAmAM bole zAnuM? Apa vicAro ane A kRtyathI pAchA pharo. badhA loko A pramANe bolatA hatA tyAM ja prakAzanuM eka jabaradasta vartula pedA thayuM. e tejovaskulamAM eka dedIpyamAna deva pragaTa thayo. huM Azcarya cakita thai gayo. na hatuM kabUtara ! na hato bAja ! na hatuM trAjavuM ! na hatuM mAruM kapAyeluM zarIra ! huM ArAmathI pauSadhazALAmAM beTho hato. jANe kazuM banyuM ja nathI ! pelo deva kahevA lAgyo : "he rAjana! ApanI dhArmikatAnI - dayAnI prazaMsA meM izAnendra pAsethI sAMbhaLI tyAre mane parIkSA karavAnuM mana thayuM. huM izAna devalokano deva chuM. Apane joyA pachI khAtarI thai che ke bIjAne bacAvavA mATe potAnA prANanuM balidAna ApanArA loko paNa vizvamAM hoya che. potAnI rakSA mATe bIjAno bhoga lenArA to ghaNA joyA, paNa bIjAnI rakSA mATe potAno bhoga ApanArA meM pahelIvAra joyA. he nRpati ! Apane ATaluM badhuM kaSTa ApyuM - te mATe huM dilagIra chuM." Ama kahIne te tejomaya deva adezya thai gayo. tyAra pachI meM dIkSA lIdhI. vIzasthAnaka tapanI ArAdhanA sAthe vizvanA sarva jIvonA uddhAranI bhAvanA bhAvI tIrthakara nAmakarma bAMdhyuM... ane Akhare huM zAMtinAtha nAme 16mo tIrthakara banyo. oLakhANa paDIne ? ahaMkAra bahu khataranAka cIja che. bahu UMDANathI jozo to khyAla Avaze : jagatanA sarva saMgharSa ane duHkhonuM mULa ahaMkAramAM che ! dareka mANasamAM evI rAi bharelI hoya che ke huM ja moTo chuM. potAnI moTAI siddha karavA e aneka saMgharSomAM UtarI paDe che ane aneka Apattione AmaMtraNa ApI bese che. 'huM moTo chuM'nI bhAvanAne sAkAra karavA pharajiyAta saMgharSamAM UtaravuM paDe ! kAraNa ke "huM moTo chuM." evI mAnyatA tamArI ja nahi, badhAnI che ! A ahaMkArane game teTalA dhakkA mArIne kADho, e javAnuM nAma nahi le. AgaLanA daravAjethI kADhazo to pAchaLanA daravAjethI AvI jaze. pAchaLanA daravAjethI Avelo ahaMkAra evo burakho oDhIne Avato hoya che ke e ahaMkAra lAgato ja nathI. AgaLano daravAjo che, saMsArano ! pAchaLano daravAjo che, dharmano ! rUpa, aizvarya vagereno ahaMkAra saMsArano che. tapa, jJAna, namratA vagereno ahaMkAra dharmano che. hA... ghaNAne namratAno paNa ahaMkAra hoya che : mArA jevo koi namra nathI ! ahaMkAra pote ja jyAre namratAno burakho oDhIne Ave tyAre oLakhavo keTalo muzkela banI jAya ? mArA jIvanamAM paNa evuM ja thayuM. pAchale daravAjethI mArAmAM ahaMkAra AvI pahoMcyo ! huM dazArNanagarano rAjA dazArNabhadra ! eka sAMje mane samAcAra maLyA: prabhu zrI mahAvIradeva AvatI kAle savAre caMpAnagarIthI ahIM AvavAnA che. huM prabhuno bhakta hato ! prabhu - AgamananA samAcArathI mArA roma-romamAM AnaMda phelAi gayo. manamAM bhAvanA jAgI : AvatI kAle Atma kathAo * 68 Atma kathAo * 69

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prabhunuM evuM sAmaiyuM karuM... evuM sAmaiyuM karuM... jevuM koie na karyuM hoya ! basa khalAsa ! ahaMkAra pAchalA daravAjethI AvI gayo. A to dharmakArya che. ahIM kyAM kAMi khoTuM karuM chuM? mANasa AvA khyAlamAM raheto hoya che eTale ahaMkArano khyAla ja nathI Avato. meM sevakone hukama karyo : AvatI kAle bhagavAna zrI mahAvIradeva padhAravAnA che. svAgata mATe jabaradasta taiyArI karo. galI-galImAM jalachaMTakAva karo. phUlo bichAvo. rAjamArga para Thera-Thera ratnajaDita suvarNa staMbho UbhA karo. te para ratnamaya darpaNothI zobhatI mALAo lagAvo. bIje divase badhuM ja taiyAra thai gayuM. AkhI nagarI indrapurI jevI lAgavA mAMDI. AkhuM vAtAvaraNa sugaMdhathI mahekI UThyuM. AvanAra mANasa bhramamAM paDI jAya : huM mRtyulokamAM chuM ke svargalokamAM ! evuM vAtAvaraNa jAmyuM. snAna karI, suMdara vastro AbhUSaNo paherI, puSpa mALAo lagAvI banI-ThanIne huM hAthInI aMbADI para beTho ! mArI baMne bAju cAmara vIMjhAi rahyA hatA. mArI upara sapheda chatra hatuM. huM mArI jAtane indratulya mAnavA lAgyo. mAro ahaMkAra garjI UThyo : bhagavAnanuM sAmaiyuM Aje je rIte meM karyuM che tevI rIte koie nahi karyuM hoya ! mArI prabhu-bhakti ajoDa zAsana prabhAvanAnA rUDA nAma nIce ahaMkArano paritoSa nathI thato ne? kyAreka manane AvA prazno pUchajo. mananA apAra rahasyo | mananI aneka gUDha cAlabAjIo pragaTa thaze. tame pote paNa chakka thai jazo. zuM kharekhara huM Avo chuM ? zuM kharekhara dharmanA nAme ahaMkArane ja poSI rahyo chuM? ahaMkArane huM pAchale bAraNethI praveza karAvI rahyo chuM? A dharma che ke ahaMkAranA kuMphADA che ? - huM ema nathI kaheto ke tame zAsana prabhAvanAnA kAma na karo. huM ema kahuM chuM ke e vakhate tame UMDANathI Atma-nirIkSaNa karavAnuM nA cUkazo. saMgha, pratiSThA, upadhAna vagere kazAmAM lAbha levo nathI, nAhaka ahaMkAra AvI jAya - ema mAnIne enAthI dUra nahi rahetA. A paNa eka mananI cAlabAjI thai. Ameya mana ApaNuM lobhI che. ene AvA koika bahAnA ja joie che. e koi paNa rUpALuM bahAnuM AgaLa karI potAnuM dhAryuM karI le che. ema ahaMkAranI nAgacUDamAMthI chUTavuM saheluM kyAM che ? sAkSAt mahAvIra prabhu vidyamAna hovA chatAM huM jo ahaMkArathI phUlAi zakato houM to tamArI to vAta ja zI ? chatAM mahAvIra deve mane sAmaiyAnI nA nathI pADI. jA... jA... tAruM A sAmaiyuM nathI, A to ahaMkAranI zobhAyAtrA che. A zAsana-prabhAvanA nathI, tArA ahaMkAranI prabhAvanA che. ema bhagavAne kahyuM nathI. kAraNa ke bhagavAna emAM paNa mArA uddhAranI saMbhAvanA joi rahyA hatA. huM ThAThamAThathI bhagavAna pAse gayo. paNa tyAM je dezya jovA maLyuM tenAthI mArI AMkho pahoLI thai gai. indra mahArAjAnuM jaLamaya vimAna dhIre dhIre nIce UtarI rahyuM hatuM. sphaTika jevA nirmaLa jaLamAM suMdara kamaLo khIlelAM hatAM. haMsa ane sArasonA maMjula avAjo relAI rahyA hatA. kalpavRkSa ane kalpalatAo parathI phUlo kharI rahyA hatA. zuM manohara e dezya hatuM ! meM mArI jIMdagImAM kadI AvuM dRzya joyuM nahotuM. vimAna parathI devAMganAono Teko lai indra airAvaNa hAthI para beThA. zuM e adbhuta hAthI ! ATha-ATha to enA daMtazULa ! ATha sUDho ! Atma kathAo * 71 tamane paNa ghaNI vakhata Avo vicAra nathI Avato ? meM jevuM tapa karyuM tevuM koie nahi karyuM hoya ! ame je saMgha kaDhAvyo, enA jevo ThATha bIje kyAMya joyo hoya to bolajo ! ame je pratiSThA karAvI enuM to zabdomAM varNana na thAya ! ame je upadhAna karAvyA, loko ene Ajeya yAda kare che ! ame je jamaNa karyuM hatuM tenI vyavasthA ane te vAnagIono svAda loko Ajeya bhUlyA nathI. ame dharma-mArge je kharca karIe chIe, amArA gAmamAM eno joTo nathI ! dharma-kAyo kayAM pachI tamane AvA vicAro Ave che ? tame A badhA anuSThAno zAsana-prabhAvanA mATe karyA hatA ke svaprabhAvanA mATe ? Atma kathAo * 70

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ekeka suMDhamAM kamaLa ! ekeka kamaLamAM batrIsa pAMkhaDIo ! ekeka pAMkhaDImAM nRtyo ane nATako ! zuM manogrAhI dezya ! zuM apAra samRddhi ! mArI samRddhi enI AgaLa taNakhalAthI paNa tuccha hatI ! kyAM sUrya ? kyAM dIvo ? kyAM dariyo ? kyAM kUvo ? mArA ahaMkArane jabaradasta coTa lAgI. ahaMkArano pAro dhaDAka daine nIce UtarI paDyo. ahaMkArI mANasa ema ja mAne che ke mArA jevo koi nathI, paNa jyAre e potAnAthI adhika zaktizALI mANasane jue che tyAre enA mananI hAlata vicitra thai jAya che ! dIvo aMdhakAra vakhate abhimAna kare tyAM sudhI ThIka che. enuM abhimAna jaLavAi rahe che, paNa sUryodaya thatAM ja dIvAno mahimA khatama thai jAya che. enA ahaMkArane jabaradasta coTa lAge che. enI AsapAsa ghUmanArA loko baMdha thai jAya che. sAruM che ke dIvo sUrajano virodha nathI karato... paNa A jagyAe mANasa hoya to ? nathI lAgatuM ke dIvo mANasathI vadhAre samajadAra che ? dIvA pAsethI jo ATaluM zIkhI laie to keTaluM sAruM ! - 'abhimAna to rAjA rAvaNanuM paNa nathI rahyuM' ema ApaNe zA mATe kahIe chIe? kAraNa ke game tevo moTo mANasa hoya, paNa ethIya vizeSa moTo mANasa A duniyAmAM maLI ja rahevAno. zeranA mAthe savA zera hoya ja ! rAvaNa jevA moTA mANasano paNa ahaMkAra nathI rahyo to bIjA kono rahevAno ? eka rIte e sAruM ja che. jethI koi mANasa potAne maLelI viziSTa zaktiothI atyaMta chakI na jAya ! kudarata e rIte badhAne niyaMtrita kare che, samatulA banAvI rAkhe che ! jo ema na hoya to mANasa koineya gAMThe nahi ! kSaNavAramAM mArA ahaMkArano himAlaya ogaLI gayo : arere... meM nakAmo samRddhino garva karyo. kyAM A indranI sAgara jevI samRddhi ne kyAM mArI biMdu jevI samRddhi ? kadAca biMdu jevI paNa nahi ! ATalI samRddhi hovA chatAM indramAM namratA keTalI che ? e bhagavAnanA dareka abhiSeka vakhate baLadanuM rUpa lai abhiSeka kare che. ne jANe bhagavAnane Atma kathAo * 72 kahe che : bhagavan! huM to baLadIyo chuM ! buddhi vagarano baLadIyo ! indranI AvI namratA ane mAro Avo ahaMkAra ? sAce ja adhUro ghaDo chalakAya che ! pUrA so chalake nahi chalake so addhA; ghoDA so bhUke nahi ke so gaddhA //. mAruM ahaMkAra paranuM ciMtana AgaLa cAlyuM. rAjyamAM paNa mane ahaMkAranuM poSaNa ja dekhAyuM. zuM paDyuM che A rAjyamAM ? ahaMkAranA poSaNa sivAya rAjyasiMhAsanamAM bIjuM kayuM sukha che ? badhA lokone samAna rIte be hAtha che, be paga che, be AMkha che, eka mAthuM che. badhA mUThI dhAna ja khAya che. rAjA paNa kAMi ethI vadhu nathI khAto. badhA eka joDI ja kapaDA pahere che. rAjA kAMi vadhu nathI paherato. badhAne cha phUTanI ja jamIna joie che. rAjA kAMi vadhu nathI vAparI zakato. to pachI rAjA banavAmAM sukha zuM ? UMDANathI jovA jaie to sukha to nahi, paNa duHkha ja che. satata krUra vicAromAM rahevuM ! yuddho karavA ! sAma-dAma, daMDa, bheda AdinA vicAromAM ramyA karavuM ! sadA Tenzana laine pharavuM ! yuddho karavA sajja rahevuM ! kAvA-dAvA ane khaTapaTo karyA ja karavI ! loko taraphathI niMdA sahavI ! satata cokIdAronI vacce rahevuM ! muktapaNe pharI na zakavuM ! nirbhayapaNe khAi na zakavuM ! zAMtithI UMgha ke bhojana lai na zakavA ! AmAM sukha che kyAM? e to kaho ! hA... vivekadRSTi jyAM sudhI biDAyelI hoya che tyAM sudhI AmAM paNa sukha lAge che. paNa vivekadRSTino UghADa thatAM ja ahaMkAra UbhI pUMchaDIe bhAgI chUTe che. ahaMkAra bhAgatAM ja sukhanI mAnyatAo paNa badalAi jAya che, sAcA ane nakalI sukhanI parakha thaI jAya che. mAro ahaMkAra ogaLI gayo hato. vivekadRSTino unmeSa thai gayo hato ane sukhanA samIkaraNo badalAi gayA hatA. meM vicAryuM : zA mATe ahaMkArano bhAra laine duHkhI jIvana jIvavuM? zA mATe ahaMkArane aLago mUkI prabhu-caraNomAM jIvana samapita na Atma kathAo * 73

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(10) huM DhaMDhaNa zika karavuM? saMsAramAM chuM tyAM sudhI Dagale-pagale mArA ahaMkArane coTa lAgyA ja karavAnI, paNa saMyama-jIvanamAM coTanI koi ja saMbhAvanA nathI. kAraNa ke tyAM ahaMkAra ja nathI. meM e vicArane tyAre ne tyAre ja amalamAM mUkI dIdho. vastroAbhUSaNo UtArI, kezanuM luMcana karI prabhu samakSa dIkSA lIdhI. prabhune traNa pradakSiNA ApI vaMdana karyuM. mane sAdhu banelo joi indra mahArAjA mArA caraNomAM jhUkI paDyA ane kahevA lAgyA : "he mahAtman ! tame kamAla karI ! tame have jItI gayA, huM hArI gayo. tamArA samRddhinA garvane toDavA ja me A mArI Rddhi batAvI hatI. paNa mahAtman ! Ape AMtara samRddhi batAvIne mane jItI lIdho che. huM lAkha zira paTakuM, to paNa A janmamAM tamArA jevo sAdhu banI zakuM tema nathI." indra mahArAjAnI AvI stutithI paNa mane have ahaMkAra Avyo nahi. kAraNa ke ahIM AvyA pachI paNa jo ahaMkAra karuM to pharaka zuM paDyo ? ahIM to ahaMkAra-mukta jIvana jIvavAnuM che. meM to badhuM ja prabhunA caraNomAM samarpita karI dIdhuM hatuM. ahaMkAra karavAno have mane koi adhikAra hoto. mArI A ghaTanA eka ja vAta samajAve che : tamArAmAM rahelA, tamane ja herAna karatA avaLacaMDA ahaMkArane oLakho. ahaMkAranI jaMjIramAMthI chUTo. ahaMkAramAMthI chUTyA ke jIvana sukhathI chalakAi gayuM, samajo. ahIM dhaMdho sAro cAlato nathI. khAsa napho nathI thato. cAlo bIje kyAMka jaie - AvuM vicArI tame bIje kyAMka jAva cho. tyAM paNa napho maLato nathI. are... koi paisA paNa udhAra ApatuM nathI. tame nirAza banI jAva cho. kharuMne ? AvI nirAzA AvI jAya tyAre tame mane yAda karajo. tamArA aMdhakArabharyA jIvanamAM cokkasa kaMika ajavALuM relAze. napho-lAbha nahi maLavAnuM kAraNa lAbhAMtarAya karma che. e karma jyAM sudhI prabaLa hoya tyAM sudhI lAkha prayatno karo to paNa lAbha nahi thAya. tamArA jIvanamAM ja nahi, amArA (sAdhuonA) jIvanamAM paNa lAbhAMtarAya karma udayamAM Ave, karma sAdhuone paNa na choDe, ene koinI zarama nathI. mArI potAnI ja vAta karuM to dIkSA letAM ja lAbhAMtarAya karma evuM joradAra udayamAM AvyuM ke mane kyAMya bhikSA paNa maLe nahi. mane to ThIka mArI sAthe AvanAra sAdhune paNa na maLe. eka mANasanA puNyapApano bIjA mANasa para paNa prabhAva paDato hoya che, ene paNa lAbhageralAbha prApta thatA hoya che. mArI sAthe AvanArA sAdhuo stabdha thai gayA : Ama kema ? sAdhuone gocarI na maLe ? e paNa AvA samRddha bhAvuka nagaramAM ? - sAdhuoe neminAtha bhagavAnane pUchyuM : bhagavanuM ! Ama kema ? kRSNa jevA jemanA pitA che, ApanA jevA jemanA guru che, dvArakA jevI samRddha ane bhAvuka nagarI che. DhaMDhaNa jevA rAjakumAra muni che. chatAM emane bhikSA kema maLatI nathI ? eka sAmAnya sAdhune paNa sahelAithI maLI jAya che, paNa A rAja parivAranA dIkSita sAdhune kema nathI maLatI ? prabhue kahyuM: "A jagatamAM je kAMi paNa bane che te kAraNa pUrvakanuM bane che. sUrya vinA divasa na thAya tema kAraNa vinA kArya na thAya. Atma kathAo * 75 Atma kathAo * 74

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DhaMDhaNamuni pUrvabhavamAM magadha dezamAM parAzara nAmano brAhmaNa hato. rAjAnA khetaro paranI (vAvaNI vagerenI) javAbadArI enA para hatI. aneka majUro tenA hAtha nIce kAma karatA hatA. thoDIka sattA AvatAM mANasa chakI jAya che, potAnI nIce rahelA mANasonuM zoSaNa kare che. parAzara paNa kheta-majUronuM khUba ja zoSaNa karavA lAgyo. bhojanano TAima thavA chatAM bhojana na Ape. baLada ane majUra baMnene bhUkhyA rAkhI kAma karAve. Ama teNe te vakhate je aMtarAya karma bAMdhyuM hatuM te A janmamAM udayamAM AvyuM che. duniyAno zAzvata niyama che : karo tevuM bharo. vAvo tevuM laNo. Apo tevuM meLavo. bIjAne bhojana nahi ApavAthI Aje tene bhojana maLatuM nathI. mAro Avo pUrvabhava prabhu-mukhe sAMbhaLI huM stabdha thai gayo. kevAM cIkaNAM karmo meM bAMdhyA ? mane gocarI nathI maLatI emAM lokono nahi, mArA karmono ja doSa che. mArA karmo ja evAM che ke paga mUkuM tyAM lokonA bhAva ja badalAi jAya, udAra paNa kaMjusa banI jAya. ApavAnuM mana ja na thAya. A badho karmono doSa che. karmono paNa zA mATe? mAro ja doSa che. meM karma bAMdhyA mATe mane vaLagyA ne ? vagara AmaMtraNe karmo thoDA AvyA che ? eka rIte joie to karmonA keTalAka upakAra paNa che. karmo kadI vagara AmaMtraNe AvatA nathI. ApaNe rAga-dveSa karIe to ja Ave. rAga-dveSa karavA eTale karmone AmaMtraNa-patrikA lakhavI. tame koine AmaMtraNa-patrikA lakho ne e Ave emAM eno koi guno nathI. guno hoya to patrikA lakhanArano che. bIjuM, ka te ja vakhate udayamAM AvatA nathI. abAdhAkALa pUro thayA pachI ja udayamAM Ave che. tyAM sudhI e ApaNane taka Ape che : tame amAro nAza karI zako cho, ame udayamAM AvyA vinA naSTa thai jaizuM; jo tame koi jJAna, dhyAna ke tapa jevA anuSThAnomAM lIna banI jAva to. karmano A jevo tevo upakAra che ? trIjo upakAra e ke karmo udayamAM Ave che tyAre kapALamAM kAMi lakhatA nathI ke tame pUrvajanmamAM AvuM-AvuM karyuM hatuM mATe ame udayamAM AvyA Atma kathAo * 76 chIe. jo e badhuM lakhAi jatuM hota to loko tamArA para dayA to na kare, paNa ghUMke. hAya ! hAya ! Avo pApI ! AnA para dayA karavA jevI nathI. sAruM che ke kapALamAM kAMi lakhAi jatuM nathI. cotho upakAra e ke karmo koi bhedabhAva rAkhatA nathI, so Taca sAco nyAya Ape che. koinI lAMca ruzavata ke lAgavaga ahIM cAlatI nathI. nAno mANasa paNa jo umadA kAma kare to tene karmo mahAna mAnava banAvI de che. pelo bharavADano chokaro saMgama ! eNe khIra vahorAvavAnuM uttama kAma karyuM to khuza thayelA karmoe ene saMgamamAMthI zAlibhadra banAvI dIdho. moTo mANasa paNa bhUla kare to ene paNa kama na choDe. zrI AdinAtha ke mallinAtha jevA bhagavAnone paNa karmoe kyAM choDyA che ? karmonA keTakeTalA upakAra che ApaNI upara ? to karmone zA mATe bhAMDavA ? kamano zo doSa? teo to ApaNI AmaMtraNa-patrikAthI AvelA mahemAna che. kharo doSa to ApaNo che, AtmAno che. AtmAe rAga-dveSa karyA mATe karmo AvyA ne ? mAre mArA AtmAne rAga-dveSathI para rAkhavo joie, ene deDhA banAvavo joie. to karmo potAnI meLe bhAgI chUTaze. yajamAna AgatAsvAgatA na kare to mahemAna keTalA dahADA Take? ApaNe to mahemAnone mIThAio khavaDAvyA karIe chIe ne pharIyAda karIe chIe : mahemAno evA cITakI paDyA che ke javAnuM nAma nathI letA. guMdara tame lagAvo to cITake ja ne ? mahemAnone vidAya ApavA meM ghora abhigraha lIdho : mArI labdhithI maLe to ja bhojana levuM. bIjAnI labdhithI maLelI bhikSA vAparavI nahi. huM roja-roja ghera-ghera pharato... paNa kyAMyathI bhikSA maLatI nahi. mAruM karma jANe ghera-ghera jaine kahI AvatuM : sAvadhAna ! pelA sAdhune kazuM ApatA nahi. roja pAtrA laine jAuM ane khAlI AvuM ! badhA sAdhuo mAro Avo abhigraha pahoLI AMkhe joi rahetA ! Atma kathAo * 77

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Ama karatAM-karatAM eka-be nahIM, pUrA cha mahInA pasAra thai gayA. mArA peTamAM bhojana ke pANI gayuM hotuM. chatAM mane koi glAni hotI ! huM saMpUrNa prasanna hato. kAraNa ke huM mAnato hato ke A karmo, A duHkho meM ja UbhA karelA che. emAM koine doSa zuM devo ? jeTalA parAkramathI, utsAhathI karmo bAMdhyA che, teTalA ja utsAhathI karmo khapAvavA rahyA. huM prabhu sAthe pharI dvArikA nagare Avyo. gocarI mATe mArA ja nagaramAM huM pharI rahyo hato, paNa maLatI hotI. mahAtmA koi utkRSTa hovA joie. mAre temano lAbha levo joie. ne e zeTha tamane gocarI mATe lai gayA. AmAM tamArI nahi, zrIkRSNanI labdhi kAma karI gai che. prabhuno A javAba sAMbhaLI huM stabdha banI gayo ! kevAM kaThaNa karma karyA haze meM ? huM tarata ja e lADavAone paraThavavA cAlyo. tame vicAro : cha-cha mahInA vItI gayA che ! zarIra durbaLa thai gayuM che ! sakhata bhUkha-tarasa lAgI che ! chatAM tyAre samatA rAkhavI e baccAnA khela nathI. paNa karmakSaya e ja jemanuM lakSya hoya, emane game teTalI takalIpho paNa ochI ja lAge. vadhu duHkhamAM vadhu sukhanAM darzana thAya. kAraNa ke to ja vadhu karmo khapene ! lADavAnuM cUrNa karatAM-karatAM huM evI zubha bhAvanAomAM caDyo ke karmonuM paNa cUrNa karI nAkhyuM. anaMta kevaLajJAnanA avataraNathI mArA AtmAmAM prakAza-prakAza vyApI gayo. meM mAtra aMtarAyanuM ja nahIM, cAreya karmonuM cUrNa karI nAkhyuM. rAjamArga para zrIkRSNa maLyA. hAthI parathI nIce UtarI emaNe mane bhAvapUrvaka vaMdana karyA. "saMyama-jIvana kema cAle che ?' saMsArI pitAnA praznanA javAbamAM meM kahyuM: "khUba ja mastI che. khUba ja AnaMda che. upavAsamAM paNa AnaMda che. pAraNAmAM paNa AnaMda che." zrIkRSNa to vaMdana karIne jatA rahyA. A bAju tarata ja eka gRhastha mane gocarI mATe bolAvyo. huM stabdha thai gayo. kAraNa ke A pahelo avasara hato. jyAre koie mane AhAra mATe bolAvyo hoya. sAmethI ghera jAuM toya na maLe tyAM bolAvavAnI vAta ja kyAM ? mane thayuM : have mArA aMtarAya karma tUTyA lAge che. huM ene ghera gayo. e zeThe bhAvapUrvaka vahorAvyuM. lADavAthI mAruM pAtra bharI dIdhuM; huM 'nA... nA...' karato rahyo chatAMya. prabhu pAse AvIne meM kahyuM : prabhu ! zuM mArA aMtarAya karma tUTI gayA ? neminAtha prabhue kahyuM : nahi... DhaDhaNa ! haju tArA aMtarAya karma tUTyA nathI. tane je bhikSA maLI e tArI labdhithI nahi, paNa zrIkRSNanI labdhithI maLI che. emaNe samavasaraNamAM prazna pUchelo ke aDhAra hajAra sAdhuomAM sauthI utkRSTa koNa ? tyAre meM tAruM nAma ApeluM. AthI rastAmAM tame maLatAM temaNe tamane bhAvapUrvaka vaMdana karyA. emanA vaMdanane joi eka zeThane thayuM : jenA caraNomAM zrIkRSNa jevA vAsudeva jhUke e Atma kathAo * 78 Atma kathAo * 79

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. (11) huM prasannacandra che "aho ! kevA dhyAnastha muni che ! eka page UbhA rahI sUryanI sAme apalaka nayane joi rahyA che. dhyAnanI dhArA keTalI tIvra haze ! sAce ja AvA mahAtmAne svarga ke mokSa durlabha nathI." huM kAyotsarga dhyAnamAM Ubho hato ne mArA kAne AvA zabdo paDyA. huM rAjI thayo. svaprazaMsA sAMbhaLatAM kone AnaMda na thAya ? madha ane sAkarathI paNa mIThI svaprazaMsA che... kadAca tethI paNa vadhu mIThI che. eTale ja to madha ane sAkaranA svAda choDanArAo paNa A svaprazaMsAno svAda choDI zakatA nathI ne ? tyAM ja bIjA mANasanA zabdo mArA kAne paDyA : have joyA joyA A mahAtmA ! emaNe zuM karyuM tane khabara che ? nAnakaDA TeNIyAne jhaTapaTa rAjagAdI para besADI dIkSA lai lIdhI. jANe mokSa bhAgI jato hato! naryo palAyanavAda ! je rAjA rAjyanuM-prajAnuM bhAvi vicAryA vinA ja kudI paDe evAonI prazaMsA huM to na ja karuM ! huM to AvA bAvAone bhAgeDu kahuM - saMsAranA saMgrAmathI hArIne bhAgI chUTanArA kAyarone 'bhAgeDu' na kahevAya to zuM kahevAya ? emane ema rAjya maMtrIonA bharose mUkI dIdhuM to Aje pariNAma zuM AvyuM tuM jANe che ? gADAmAM baLadanI jagyAe vAcharaDA joDo to zuM pariNAma Ave ? eka kheDUta paNa AvI bhUla nathI karato. AmanI pAse to kheDUta jeTalI paNa buddhi zuM kAma che ? rAjya tajI dIdhuM temAM tane zo vAMdho Avyo ? tane kAMi takalIpha paDI ? sIdhI vAta che. svaprazaMsAthI jene AnaMda Avyo tene bIjA dvArA thatI svaniMdAthI gusso AvavAno ja ! ane svaniMdAthI jene gusso Ave tene svaprazaMsAthI AnaMda Ave ja... baMne eka ja sikkAnI be bAjuo che. e alaga hoI zake nahi. mArI vicAra-dhArA AgaLa cAlI. mAro gusso mane gALo ApanAra mANasa parathI maMtrIo para pahoMcyo : harAmakhora maMtrIo samaje che zuM manamAM ? mAro ja pagAra khAine tagaDA thayelA have mArI ja sAme thAya che ? AvI bevaphAi ? have huM choDavAno nathI. AvI jAo sAlA nAlAyako ! tAkAta hoya to sAmI chAtIe laDo. pITha pAchaLa zuM charA bhoMko cho ? tame na Avo toya Aje huM tamane choDavAno nathI. tamArA gharamAM pesI ekekanuM gaLuM pakaDI bahAra kADhavAno chuM ne yuddha karavAno chuM. lyo, tame gharathI bahAra AvI paNa gayA. ema ? tame laDavA mATe taiyAra paNa thai gayA ? haju tame mArI tAkAta joi nathI baMdAo ! lo have joi lo tAkAta ! phaTAka...! meM talavAra jhIMkI ne eka maMtrI dharAzAyI ! talavAra huM ghumAvato ja gayo - ghumAvato ja gayo... je je maMtrIonA pakSe sainiko UbhA hatA.. badhAnuM kaccaraghANa karato gayo. koinuM mAthuM kapAyuM. koino hAtha kapAyo. koinI chAtI vIMdhAI ! koinuM peTa vIMdhAyuM ! to koinA paga kapAyA ! taraphaDatA hAtho ! kaMpatA pago ! nAcatA dhaDo ! lohInA phuvArAo ! mAMsanA locAo ane kaNasatA sainikothI medAna bhayaMkara banI gayuM. sAme pakSe ghaNA hatA. A bAju huM ekalo hato. ekalo hato to zuM thai gayuM ? hiMmata ane parAkrama mArI sAthe hatA. siMhanA ToLA kadI joyA che ? siha to ekalavIra thaIne tUTI paDe. laDatA-laDatAM mArI talavAra tUTI gai. eTale meM bhAlo lIdho ane pharIthI jaMga zarU karyo. vIra puruSo kadI sAdhanonI paravA karatA nathI. emane to hAjara te hathiyAra ! Atma kathAo * 81 nathI. have pelA maMtrIoe caMpAnagarInA dadhivAhana rAjA sAthe maLI jayaMtro zarU karI dIdhA che. temanI sAthe maLI kumArane padabhraSTa karaze. rAjya hAthamAMthI jaze. prajA barabAda thaze... A bAvAnA pApe !" A zabdo mArA kAnamAM kAMTA banIne cUbhavA mAMDyA. zarUmAM to mane 'bhAgeDu, kAyara, bAvo' kahenAra e mANasa tarapha gusso Avyo. sAlA harAmakhora ! tAruM meM zuM bagADyuM che? huM game tevo houM - tAre Atma kathAo * 80

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thoDIvAramAM bhAlo tUTI gayo to meM bANa-kAmaThAM hAthamAM lIdhAM. sana... na... na... bANa choDato ja gayo... choDato ja gayo... eTalI zIvratAthI huM bANo choDato ke sAmAvALAne pratikAra karavAno samaya ja na maLe. huM nizAnabAja hato. bANAvaLI tarIke prasiddha hato. mAruM ekeya tIra khAlI hotuM jatuM. ekeka tIre ekeka mAthuM DhaLatuM gayuM. keTalAya mAthAone meM DhALI dIdhA. paNa re... thoDIvAramAM mAruM mAthuM khAlI thai gayuM. mAtra kAmaThuM ja bacyuM hatuM. huM kAmaThuM laine jhUDavA mAMDyo. e paNa tUTI jatAM gadA, kaTArI, charI... je hAthamAM AvyuM te laIne tuTI ja paDyo. nakkI ja karyuM hatuM : Aje to basa jItavuM ja che. badhA zastro khUTI gayA to paNa huM hiMmata na hAryo. meM tUTelA rathanA pATiyAono upayoga karavA mAMDyo. e paNa khalAsa thai jatAM huM vicAramAM paDI gayo : have zuM karavuM ? re bahAdura ! Ama nirAza thaye zuM cAle ? ema kAMi yuddhamAM jIta maLatI haze ? cAla... pharI kUdI paDa. badhA zastro khUTI gayA to zuM thayuM? haju tArA mastaka para mugaTa to chene ? enAthI jhIMkavA mAMDa ! hAjara te hathiyAra ! mAruM mana bolI UThyuM. meM nirAzA khaMkherI. mugaTa levA mAthe hAtha mUkyo ane huM camakI uThyo : are.. ahIM kyAM mugaTa che ? mugaTa to zuM vALa paNa nathI, muMDana che. huM atyAre kyAM prasannacandra rAjA chuM? huM to muni chuM. mAre ne rAjyane zuM levAdevA? arere.. manathI ja yuddha khelIne meM keTalA mANasone manomana mArI nAkhyA? meM keTalA karmo bAMdhyA haze ! bhagavAna jANe ? - duniyA to mane samaje che : huM mahAna dhyAnI chuM ! eka page Ubho rahI sUrajanI AtApanA laUM chuM ! paNa re, kharekhara huM kevo chuM ? muni chuM ke khUnI ? dhyAnI chuM ke daMbhI ? bhayaMkara raudradhyAnathI meM keTalAnI hatyA karI nAkhI ? bhale duniyAnI najare huM hatyAro nathI, paNa karmasattAnI najare to huM hatyAro ja banyo ne ! karmasattA mane thoDI choDavAnI che. keTalA badhA paMcendriya jIvonI - mANasonI meM mAnasika hatyA karI nAkhI. bhagavAna kahe che : paMcendriyanI hatyA, mAMsanuM bhakSaNa, Atma kathAo * 82 mahA AraMbha ane mahAparigrahanuM sevana narakamAM lai jAya che. zuM huM narakamAM jaiza ? jo sAdhu banyA pachI paNa narakamAM ja javuM paDe to to hada thai gai ! rAjezvarI narakezvarI... e to barAbara paNa munIzvarI narakezvarI banaze ? nahi... nahi... mAre narakamAM nathI javuM. enA mATe meM dIkSA nathI lIdhI. meM to mokSa mATe dIkSA lIdhI che. mArA hRdayamAM pazcAttApano pAvaka bhaDa... bhaDa... baLavA mAMDyo. karmonAM keTalAya baMdhana emAM baLavA mAMDyAM. mArA cittanI dazA vizuddha.. vizuddhatara ane vizuddhatama banavA lAgI. kSaNe kSaNe huM Atma-vikAsanA navA-navA zikharo sara karavA lAgyo. pratikSaNe AnaMda vadhavA ja lAgyo. vadhavA ja lAgyo. evo AnaMda ke je zabdomAM varNavI na zakAya. evo AnaMda ke jene koi upamAthI sarakhAvI na zakAya. cittanI azuddhi vakhatanI kliSTatA kyAM ane citta-zuddhinI vakhatanI prasannatA kyAM ? mArA vadhatA AnaMdanA pUre keTalIye gAMTho bhedI nAkhI... huM AgaLa vadhato ja gayo... AgaLa vadhato ja gayo... ne eka evA sthAne pahoMcI gayo jyAMthI pAchA pharavAnuM ja na hatuM. huM kSaNavAramAM kevaLajJAnI banI gayo. mArI sAdhanA - nadI brahmanA samudramAM bhaLI gai ! mAruM sAdhanA-bI vaDa vRkSamAM pheravAi gayuM ! mAruM sAdhanAnuM dUdha mAkhaNamAM parivartita thai gayuM! kevaLajJAnamAM mane dekhAi rahyuM hatuM : thoDI ja kSaNo pahelAM zreNika mahArAjAe bhagavAna zrI mahAvIradevane pUcheluM : bhagavad ! prasannacandra rAjarSi atyAre kALa kare to kyAM jAya ? bhagavAne kaheluM : sAtamI narakamAM. hA... huM tyAre mananA medAnamAM ghamasANa yuddha karI rahyo hato. evuM pApa-karma meM upArjeluM ke tyAre mRtyu thAya to sAtamI narake javuM paDe ! - zreNika coMkI UThyA : A huM zuM sAMbhaLuM chuM? AvA maharSi sAtamI narake ? to pachI amArA jevA kyAM jaze ? nakkI... mArI sAMbhaLavAmAM kAMika bhUla thai lAge che. zreNike pharI pUcheluM : bhagavan! prasannacandra rAjarSi atyAre kALa kare to kyAM jAya ? 'sarvArthasiddha vimAnamAM.' javAba maLyo. Atma kathAo * 83

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zreNika pharI camakI UThyA : A badhI zI garabaDa che ? kSaNavAramAM sAtamI naraka ane kSaNavAramAM sarvArthasiddha ? sAMbhaLavAmAM mArI gerasamaja thAya che ke zuM ? mArA kAna che ke bhUMgaLAM ? zreNika vicAravimaLamAM gherAi gayA. acAnaka devaduMdubhi vAgI ane zreNike pUchyuM : 'bhagavan ! A devaduMdubhi zAnI vAgI ?' 'zreNika ! prasannacandra kevaLajJAna pAmyA !' 'bhagavan ! thoDIvAra pahelA sAtamI naraka, pachI sarvArthasiddha ane hamaNAM kevaLajJAna... A badhuM zuM che ? mane kAMi samajAyuM nahi." bhagavAne kahyuM : "tuM jyAre mArI pAse AvI rahyo hato tyAre teM to prasannacandra rAjarSine bhAvathI vaMdana karyA, paNa tArA sumukha ane durmukha nAmanA sainikonA zabdothI prasannacandra bhayaMkara raudradhyAnamAM caDyA. je kSaNe teM pUchyuM te kSaNe mananA samarAMgaNamAM bhayaMkara yuddha khelI rahyA hatA. tyAre jo mare to sAtamI narake jAya evuM hatuM. thoDIvAra pachI teM prazna pUchyo tyAre teo A pApathI pAchA haTI gayA hatA. pazcAttApanA pAvakathI karma-iMdhano saLagAvI rahyA hatA, tyAre eTalA zubha dhyAnamAM hatA ke sarvArthasiddha vimAnamAM pahoMcI zake ! paNa pachI ethIe AgaLa vadhIne kevaLajJAna pAmyA. zreNika ! A badho manano mela che. mana ja vaitaraNI nadI che ne mana ja naMdanavana che. mana ja naraka che. mana ja svarga che. "mana ke jIte jIta hai, mana ke hAre hAra." prabhunA khulAsAthI zreNikane pUro saMtoSa thayo. kSaNavAramAM sAtamI naraka ! kSaNavAramAM kevaLajJAna ! kSaNo pahelAM UMDI khAi ! kSaNo pachI uttuMga zikhara ! kSaNo pahelAM aMdhAruM ! kSaNo pachI ajavALuM ! kSaNo pahelAM jhera ! kSaNo pachI amRtano dhodha ! mArA jevuM bIjuM deSTAMta tamane bhAgye ja jovA maLaze ! Atma kathAo * 84 (12) huM anAthI jaMgalamAM eka vRkSa nIce huM dhyAnastha Ubho hato. ekalo hovA chatAM ekalatA lAgatI nhotI. huM aMdaranI duniyAmAM khovAi gayo hato. aMdaranI jhAkajhamALa jene jovA maLI jAya te kadI bahAranA aizvaryathI aMjAi nahi jAya. aMdara ja eTalo badho AnaMda bharyo che ke enI jo bhALa maLI jAya to bahAra kyAMya doDavAnI jarUra na paDe. AnaMda aMdara ja che, bahAra kyAMya nathI ja - AvI mArI pratIti divaso-divasa daMDha thatI rahetI hatI. "mahAtman ! ahIM jaMgalamAM ekalA kema UbhA cho ? ahIM zuM karI rahyA cho ?" mArA kAne zabdo athaDAyA. AMkho kholIne meM joyuM to mArI sAme potAnA vizALa rasAlA sAthe rAjA Ubho hato. huM jotAM ja oLakhI gayo : are A to rAjA zreNika ! eNe mane AzcaryapUrvaka pUchyuM : munivara ! yuvAvasthAmAM A zuM mAMDyuM che ? tamArI pAse adbhuta rUpa che. chalakAtuM yauvana che. taravaratuM lAvaNya che. A avasthAmAM jaMgalamAM dhyAna ? A avasthAmAM saMsArano tyAga ? atyAre to saMsAra bhogavavAno samaya che. atyAre to saMsAra bhogavavo joie. saMnyAsa e to ghaDapaNanI cIja che. samaya samaya para badhuM zobhe ! gharaDo bhogo bhogave e na zobhe tema yuvAna saMsAra choDe te paNa nathI zobhatuM ! badhI vastu avasare zobhatI hoya che. varSARtumAM kheDUta bahAra jAya ane grISmaRtumAM khetI kare to ? A saMsAra keTalo sohAmaNo che ! tamArA para to nasIbe chUTA hAthe rUpa-lAvaNya veryuM che. ene zA mATe veDapho cho ? jIvanane enA pUrNa svarUpe mANo. pachI svayaM Apa pakva banazo, vairAgya pakva banaze. pAkI kerI potAnI meLe jhADa parathI kharI jatI hoya che. Atma kathAo * 85

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Apane joine mane pharI-pharI prazna thAya che : "Ape saMsAra choDyo zA mATe ? kayuM kAraNa hatuM ?" rAjAnA badhA prazno huM sAMbhaLato rahyo. pachI meM marmALu javAba Apyo : huM anAtha hato. anAthane saMsAra choDavA sivAya bIjo kayo rasto che ? anAthono anAthAzrama saMyama che." "are ! munirAja ! A zuM bolyA ? Apa anAtha hatA? calo... kAMi vAMdho nathI. have tame anAtha nathI, sanAtha cho. AjathI huM tamAro nAtha thAuM chuM." tame svayaM anAtha cho. mane zI rIte sanAtha banAvazo? je svayaM DUbI rahyo che te bIjAne zI rIte tAraze ? je svayaM aMdha che te bIjAne zI rIte rasto batAvaze ?" zuM vAta karo cho mahArAja ? huM anAtha ? tame oLakhyo nathI lAgato. huM magadhano samrATa chuM. rAjagRhI mArI rAjadhAnI che. mArI pAse aDhaLaka vaibhava che. vizALa senA che. vaphAdAra sevako che. vinIta parivAra che. premALa aMtaHpura che. premI prajAjano che. ATalo mAro vaibhava... chatAM huM anAtha ? mahArAja ! tame hada karo cho. tame paNa AvI jAva mArI sAthe. huM tamane Rddhi-samRddhithI bharapUra banAvI daiza." rAjAnA ekeka zabdamAM huMkAra bharyo hato. meM kahyuM : e to huM paNa jANuM chuM ke tame magadhanA samrATa cho. ema to huM paNa vatsadezanA samrATa kosAMbI-narezano putra hato. rAjakumArane zI kamInA hoya ? chatAM huM anAtha banyo. rAjan ! mArI kathA sAMbhaLavA jevI che. - premALa mAtA-pitA ! vahAlI suzIla patnI ! snehALa svajano ! vinIta sevako ! madamasta yauvana ! badhI ja anukULa sAmagrI mane maLI hatI. paNa eka divase huM bhayaMkara rogathI gherAyo. vyAdhinI vedanA eTalI bhayaMkara hatI ke zabdomAM varNavI zakAya nahi. huM taraphaDiyAM mAravA lAgyo. mArA mAtA-pitAe tarata ja moTA-moTA vaidyo, hakImo vagerene Atma kathAo * 86 bolAvyA. mAro upacAra zarU thayo, paNa saphaLa na thayo. ratIbhAra jeTalI vedanA ochI na thai. huM divasa-rAta pANI vinAnI mAchalInI jema taraphaDiyAM mAravA lAgyo ! mArA mAtA-pitAe mAMtriko, bhUvAo, joSIo vagere aneka niSNAtone bolAvyA, paNa roga haTavAnuM nAma leto nhoto. pathArImAM vedanAthI kaNasatA mane sau joi rahyA... paNa badhA lAcAra hatA. dardamAMthI koi zI rIte bhAga paDAvI zake ? mArA premALa mAtA-pitA, snehALa svajano, pyArI patnI... vagere tamAma Tagara-magara joi rahyA hatA, paNa sau lAcAra hatA. jiMdagImAM pahelIvAra huM anAthatA anubhavI rahyo. roga, jarA ane mRtyu - A traNa evI vastu che je bhalabhalAne lAcAra banAvI de, anAtha banAvI de. paNa traNamAMthI eka jyAre AvI paDe tyAre ja A tattva samajAya. e pahelAM to mANasa dharatIthI addhara ja cAlato hoya che. potAnA para vIte tyAre ja samajAya. gharaDAo zA mATe dharma tarapha vaLe che ? traNamAMthI ekAda cIje temane gherI lIdhA hoya che. yuvAno zA mATe dharma tarapha najareya nathI karatA ? traNamAMthI ekeya cIja temane dekhAtI nathI. keTalAka yauvanamAM paNa rogagrasta bane che ne mana bhogamAMthI yoga tarapha vaLe che. roga paNa tyAre AzIrvAdarUpa bane jo mana dharma tarapha vaLe. mArI paNa vicAravAnI dizA have palaTAI. atyAra sudhI huM raMgarAgamAM ja DUbelo hato. eTale bIjo koI vicAra ja nhoto Avato. vicAranI badhI bArIo baMdha hatI. te vakhate pahelI ja vAra vicAranI eka bArI khulI. mArA baMdhiyAra magajamAM navuM ajavALuM relAyuM. kevuM suMdara zarIra... paNa acAnaka ja roge gherAyuM ? ATalA badhA svajano hovA chatAM zuM huM anAtha ? sAce ja dharma vinA koi nAtha thai zake tema nathI. mArI aMtaradRSTi UghaDavA lAgI. meM have dharmanA zaraNe javA deDha nizcaya karyo. jo dharma vinA koinuM zaraNuM na ja maLI zake tema hoya to zA mATe jIvanabhara tenuM ja zaraNuM na levuM ? Atma kathAo * 87

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"munivara ! Ape mane anAtha-sanAthano artha barAbara samajAvyo. ApanI vyAkhyA pramANe kharekhara AkhuM jagata anAtha che. moTo cakravartI paNa anAtha che. dharma jene nathI maLyo te badhA ja anAtha che. mahAtmanuM ! Aje ApanA samAgamathI mane dharmano bodha thayo. munijI ! ApanA caraNomAM agaNita vaMdana !" rAjA potAnA sthAnake gayo. huM pharI dhyAna-dazAmAM lIna banyo. cha mahInAnA rogathI akaLAyelA, guMgaLAmaNa anubhavatA dharmane ja eka mAtra zaraNyarUpe jotA mArA AtmAe deDha saMkalpa karyo : jo AjanI rAte mAro roga maTI jAya to huM savAre dIkSA laiza ! mArA saMkalpano camatkAra to juo ! jyAM meM saMkalpa karyo ke tarata ja vedanA ghaTatI gai, roga ghaTato gayo. savAra sudhImAM to vedanA ekadama gAyaba ! zarIra ekadama taMdurasta ! camatkAra sarjAi gayo... nahi ? paNa AmAM camatkAra jevuM kazuM nathI. tamAruM mana jyAre zubha vicAra, zubha saMkalpa karavA lAgI jAya che tyAre aMdara jabaradasta AMdolana pedA thAya che. zubha vicAronI jabaradasta asara hoya che. enA kAraNe karmomAM paNa pharaka paDe che. azubha karmo zubhamAM parivartita thai jAya che. jyAre ApaNe zubha vicAro karavA lAgIe chIe tyAre cArebAjuthI zubha vicArone AmaMtraNa ApIe chIe. cArebAju badhA ja prakAranA vicAro ghumI rahyA che. ApaNe jevA vicAro karIe chIe tevA vicAro svAbhAvika rIte AkarSita thai jatA hoya che. zubha vicAromAM rogone maTADavAnI addabhuta zakti hoya che. moTA bhAganA ApaNA rogo azubha vicAronA kAraNe thayelA hoya che. niSedhAtmaka vicArasaraNIthI thayelA hoya che. jyAre vidheyAtmaka vicAro karIe chIe tyAre roga ApoApa dUra bhAge che. AthI ja tame AzAvAdI ane vidheyAtmaka vicAravALAne rogI ochA pramANamAM jozo. savAra thatAM ja huM to dIkSA mATe taiyAra thai gayo. evuM nahi ke have to roga jato rahyo che... have dIkSA - bIkSA javA do. saMkalpa to manamAM ja karelone ! kone khabara paDavAnI hatI ? nahi... AvI sattvahIna vicAraNA mane maMjUra hotI. savAra thatAM ja huM saMyama-paMthe cAlI nIkaLyo. rAjana ! mane aTakAvavA mArA svajanoe ghaNA prayatno karyA, paNa huM TasanA masa nA thayo. DagaluM mAMDyuM ke pAchA nA haTavuM ! mArI anAthatA mane barAbara samajAi gai hatI. zreNika rAjA mArI vAta sAMbhaLI mArA caraNomAM jhUkI paDyA : Atma kathAo * 88 Atma kathAo * 89

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- (13) huM baMdipeNa (zreNikapurA) prabhu zrI mahAvIradevanI dezanA sAMbhaLI huM dIkSA levA mATe taiyAra thai gayo. mArA pitA zreNika rAjAnI to rajA ja hatI. dhAmadhUmathI varaghoDo nIkaLyo. rastAmAM mane divyadhvani saMbhaLAi : "naMdiSaNa ! dIkSA levAnI UtAvaLa karIza nahi. haju tArA bhoga karma bAkI che. dIkSA uttama cIja che, paNa enA mATe uttamatA keLavavI paDe. siMhaNanuM dUdha kAMsAnA pAtramAM nA Take. dIkSA paNa apakava AtmAmAM nA Take. tame haju apakva cho. saMsAramAM rahIne pahelAM pakava bano pachI dIkSAmAM AgaLa vadhajo. atyArano vairAgya jo ke sAco che, paNa chatAMya tamane pachIthI lAgaze ke e dUdhano Ubharo hato. arere... kyAM bhUla karI ne dIkSAnI jelamAM huM phasAi gayo ? AvuM kAMi thAya e pahelAM cetI jAva. saMsAra e moTI vidyApITha che. ahIM ThoTha vidyArthIne, jo e yogyatA karatAM "AgaLa vadhI gayo hoya to pAcho dhakelavAmAM Ave che. pachIthI pIchehaTa karavI paDe e karatAM pahelethI vicArIne karavuM sAruM !" zAsana-devatAnI A vANI sAMbhaLI... paNa huM eTalo vairAgyanA nazAmAM cakacUra hato ke koinuM kazuM sAMbhaLavA mAMgato ja hoto ! prabhu zrI mahAvIradevanI vANI mArA aMtarAtmAmAM guMjI rahI hatI : saMsAra eTale bhayaMkara jaMgala ! ahIMthI jaladI bhAgI chUTo ! saMsAra eTale bhayaMkara sAgara, jaladIthI tene tarI jAva. saMsAra eTale saLagatuM ghara, saLagatA gharamAM eka sekanDa paNa rahI zakAya zI rIte ?" prabhunI AvI vANI mArA hRdayamAM eTalI ThasI gaI hatI ke bIjuM kAMi vicAravA huM taiyAra ja hoto. basa... jaladI jaladI saMsArathI bhAgI chUTuM... jaladI jaladI Atmavizuddhi karI mokSe pahoMcI jAuM - A eka ja dhUna mArA para savAra hatI. are.. bhogAvalI karmo udayamAM Avaze to tapa-tyAgathI enA bhUkkA kADhI nAMkhatAM kyAM nathI AvaDatA ? karma caDe ke cetanA ? karma Atma kathAo * 90 Akhare jaDa che... caitanya Akhare caitanya che. jaDa pAse caitanya hArI jAya? bilakula asaMbhava ! nabaLA loko mATe karmonA bahAnA ThIka che, zUravIra loko mATe AvuM kAMi ja nathI." mAruM utsAhI mana bolI rahyuM hatuM. meM prabhu pAse jai ullAsapUrvaka dIkSA lIdhI. sAdhanAno bhISaNa yajJa zarU karyo. sAdhanAnA prabhAve aneka labdhio ane vidyAono huM svAmI banyo. paNa... have yauvana kahe mAruM kAma ! mArA hRdaya-sAgaramAM viSayavAsanAnA UMcA-UMcA mojAo UchaLavA lAgyA. huM sAvadhAna banI gayo. ugra tapazcaryA karavA lAgI gayo. chaTTanA pAraNe AyaMbila ! keTalAya vakhata sudhI A tapa karyo... paNa vikAro haTavAnuM nAma letA hatA. huM jaMgalamAM gayo, paNa vikAroe mAro keDo na choDyo. strIo sAme huM bilakula joto nahoto... to paNa baMdha AMkhe mane aneka strIo mArI AsapAsa nAcI rahI che, tevuM dekhAtuM. manane dabAvI-dabAvIne keTaluM dabAvAya ? jema jema dabAvIe tema tema vadhu ne vadhu UchaLe ! uparathI kyAreka ema lAge ke badhuMya zAMta thai gayuM che. paNa saheja pANI DahoLAya eTale kAdava pharI sapATI para AvI jAya ! vikAro mane jANe sAda pADI rahyA hatA : kyAM jAva cho tame ? game tyAM jAva... ame tamAro keDo choDavAnA nathI. ame haju tamArA mAdhyamathI, jIvanayAtrA AgaLa dhapAvavA mAMgIe chIe. tame tapamAM kyAM aTavAi gayA ? tamArI aMdara rahelA vIrya-kaNo potAnI yAtrAmAM AgaLa nIkaLI javA utsuka che. tame ene zA mATe rokI rahyA cho ? game teTalA roko paNa e rokAvAnA nathI. dhakko mArIne paNa potAno mArga karI levAnA che. huM vikAronI sAme jhUkI paDuM - evuM mane lAgavA mAMDyuM. jhUkI javuM, hArI javuM, enA karatAM ApaghAta karavo sAro ! vikAronI cuMgAlamAMthI chUTavA huM ApaghAta karavA cAlyo. paNa ema ApaghAta karavoya kyAM sahelo che ? UMcI TekarI para caDI bhUsako mAravAnI taiyArI karI tyAM ja zAsana-devIe mane aTakAvyo ane bhaviSyavANI yAda karAvI. Atma kathAo * 91

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huM ApaghAtathI to aTakyo, paNa mAruM mana satata becena rahevA lAgyuM. game te kriyA karuM, game te sthAnamAM houM, game tevI tapazcaryAo karato houM... paNa mana koi bIjI ja dizAmAM doDatuM hoya. e dizA hatI; vikAronI. AnA kAraNe huM satata udvigna rahevA lAgyo. kSaNe kSaNe mane vicAra AvatA : zuM huM ghera cAlyo jAuM ? nA... nA... ghera nathI javuM. tyAM mArI AbarU zuM ? to zuM A ja rIte jIvana pUrUM karuM ? A rIte jIvavAno artha zo ? ardhA-ardhA manathI jIvavuM - e koi jIvana che ? huM jIvI paNa nhoto zakato, marI paNa nhoto zakato. ghera paNa nhoto jai zakato, saMyamamAM paNa mana lagAvI nhoto zakato. mArI hAlata trizaMku jevI thai gai ! mananI A sthiti bahu ja khataranAka che. paNa zuM thAya? lAkha prayatno karIe paNa keTalIka cIjo ApaNA sAmarthyathI bahAra hoya che. eka vakhate huM koi ajANyA ghare gocarI jai caDyo. e ghara vezyAnuM hatuM, paNa mane eno koi khyAla nhoto. meM moTethI kahyuM : dharmalAbha. tarata ja eka suMdara strI bahAra AvI ane bolI UThI : "mahArAja ! ahIM dharmalAbha na joie. ahIM to dhanalAbha joie. tamArA dharmathI zuM vaLavAnuM che ? saMsAra calAvavo hoya to dhana joie. dharmalAbha ApIne maphatIyuM lai janArA bAvAo mATe A makAna nathI." vezyAnA zabdoe mArA ahaMkArane coTa mArI. zuM huM maphatIyuM khAnAro ? zuM huM moDhethI dharmalAbha ja ApanAro ? A bairI samaje che zuM enA manamAM ? mArI pAse keTa-keTalI labdhio ane vidyAo che, enI ene zuM khabara ? mArI pAse bhale eka kANI koDI paNa nathI, paraMtu kroDono Dhagalo karavAnuM sAmarthya jarUra che, Aje to A bAine mAre paraco Apavo ja paDaze. ne... meM makAnanA chAparAmAMnuM eka taNakhaluM kheMcyuM. dha... Da... .... Da... taNakhaluM kheMcatAM ja sonaiyAno varasAda varasyo. sADI bAra kroDa sonaiyAothI e vezyAnuM ghara bharAi gayuM. Atma kathAo * 92 vezyA to khuza-khuzAla thai gai. adha... dha... dha... ATalA badhA sonaiyA ? e paNa capaTI vagADatAM ja ? huM keTalA grAhakone khuza karuM to ATalA sonaiyA maLe ? kadAca AkhI jiMdagI vItI jAya to paNa na maLe ane A sAdhue kSaNamAM Dhagalo karI dIdho. vaLI... enuM rUpa paNa keTaluM suMdara che ? Avo phUTaDo yuvAna ahIMthI jato rahe. emAM mArI AbarU zuM ? - vezyAnA mana-gaganamAM phaTAphaTa vicAronI vIjaLIo jhabUkI UThI. eNe tarata ja mAro hAtha pakaDyo ne kahyuM H mahArAja ! A dAsInI sevA svIkAryA vinA jAva cho kyAM ? huM ahIMthI nahi javA dauM ! enA hAva-bhAva ane kaTAkSothI Ameya huM AkarSita thai ja gayo hato. ene jotAM ja mArA hRdayamAM lakhalakhuM prasarI gayuM hatuM, mArA romaromamAM harSano saMcAra thai gayo hato. mArA ajJAta manamAM e pahelethI ja vasI gai hatI. mATesto meM ene prabhAvita karavA 12 / / kroDa sonaiyAnI vRSTi karelI ne ? mArA ajJAta mananI vAta cAlAka vezyA na samaje e vAtamAM koi mAla nathI. enA hasta-sparzathI ja mArA zarIramAM jhaNajhaNATI vyApI gai. meM enuM AmaMtraNa svIkArI lIdhuM. joituM'tuM ne vaide kIdhuM ! paDavuM hatuM ne DhALa maLyo ! ghaNA vakhatanI dabAyelI icchA Aje saphaLa banatI lAgI. huM tyAM ja rahI gayo. sAdhu-veSa choDIne gRhastha veSa paherI lIdho, paNa sAdhutA pratyeno mAro Adara ocho nhoto thayo hoM ! mArI ayogyatAnA kAraNe sAdhupaNuM kharAba che - ema huM zI rIte kahI zakuM ? sAdhutA to mahAna che, mAro gaja TUMko hoya tethI kAMi sAdhutA kSudra nathI banI jatI. vezyA-gRhamAM rahevA chatAM sAdhutA pratyeno mAro Adara akabaMdha jaLavAi rahyo hato. samaktino dIvo hRdaya-maMdiramAM jhaLahaLI rahyo hato. AthI ja meM pahele ja divase saMkalpa karyo H roja dasa mANasane dIkSA mATe taiyAra karI pachI ja bhojana pANI levAM ! Atma kathAo * 93

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hA... mArI upadeza-zakti jabaradasta hatI. samajAvavAnI eTalI suMdara kaLA hatI ke game te vAta huM sAmAnA hRdayamAM ThasAvI zakato. sAMbhaLanAra mArI vANI sAMbhaLI nakha-zikha halabalI UThato. oha ! Avo bhayaMkara saMsAra ? AvA khataranAka viSayo ? na joie Avo saMsAra ! zrotAonuM hRdaya pokArI UThatuM. huM svayaM viSaya-bhogamAM DUbelo hato chatAM bIjAone teno tyAga karavAno upadeza Apato hato. svayaM DUbato mANasa jANe bIjAne tArI rahyo hato ! - tame vicAro to kharA ! vezyAonA ghera AvanArA mANaso kevA hoya ? labADa ! laMpaTa ! AkhA gAmanA utAra ! AvA mANasone viSayothI virakta banAvavA e kAMi baccAnA khela che ? ...paNa evuMye kArya huM dararoja nirvidane karavA lAgyo. roja 10no pratibodha ! pachI ja annapANI... A niyama akhaMDa bAra varSa sudhI cAlyo. tame vicAro meM keTalAne saMyama apAvyuM haze ? - rojanA 10 eTale mahinAnA 300, bAra mahinAnA 3600 ne bAra varSanA keTalA? 43 hajAra baso ! paNa UbhA raho... bAramA varSanA chellA divase mAro e 10no AMkaDo pUro na thayo. nava to pratibodha pAmyA, paNa dasamo sonI evo jaDabuddhino hato ke mArI koI vAta ja samajavA taiyAra nahi. huM mArA hRdayanA tAra jhaNajhaNAvIne bolato rahyo paNa pelAne kAMi ja asara na thai. jANe pADA para pANI ! jANe magazelIA para puSparAvarta megha ! kalAko sudhI ene huM samajAvato ja rahyo. paNa pelo to potAnA mananI AsapAsa jANe mINa lagAvIne Avyo hato. mINamAM pANInuM TIpuM paNa ze utare ? AvA jaDabuddhinA mANasane brahmA paNa na samajAvI zake. chatAM dhIraja gumAvyA vinA huM samajAvato rahyo. A bAju mAruM bhojana ThaMDuM thai rahyuM hatuM. vezyA vAraMvAra mane bolAvavA AvatI hatI, paNa dasano AMkaDo pUro na thAya tyAM sudhI pATale besAya kema ? Atma kathAo * 94 Akhare akaLAine vezyAe kahyuM : "have keTalA bAkI rahyA che." meM kahyuM : "nava to taiyAra thai gayA che. A dasamo bAkI che." .....to have dasamA tame taiyAra thai jAva. pratijJA to pUrI karavI ja rahIne !" vezyA to majAka karatI hatI, paNa A vAkya mArA mATe preraNAnA dIvAnuM kAma karyuM. saMyamanI bhAvanAnA aMgArA para jAmelI rAkhane haTADavA e vAkya phaMkanuM kAma karyuM. mAruM mana kyArathIye vezyAnA kArAgRhamAMthI nIkaLI javA talasatuM hatuM, mAro manano popaTa saMyamanA mukta AkAzamAM uDDayana karavA talasI rahyo hato, koi mokAnI jarUra hatI. acAnaka ja Avelo A moko meM jhaDapI lIdho. meM kahyuM : bhale. tyAre... tane salAma ! pUrA saMsArane salAma ! have huM jAuM chuM saMyama-mArge ! dasamo koi taiyAra na thAya to mAre taiyAra thavuM ja rahyuM ne ! vezyAne to kalpanA ja hotI ke Ama acAnaka ja A popaTa UDI jaze. e to ema ja mAnI beThelI : game teTalA maheNAM-ToNAM mAruM to paNa e kyAM javAnA che ? Akhare to mArAthI baMdhAyelA che ne ? puruSonA hRdaya kevA hoya che, e to ame jANIe ja chIene ? ene e khabara ja hotI ke mArI aMdara vairAgyano aMgAro dhagadhagI rahyo che... mAtra tenA para rAkha jAmelI hovAthI e dekhAto nathI. vezyA AjIjI karavA lAgI. paNa enI kAkaludI kAne dharyA vinA huM to cAlI ja nIkaLyo. mArA bhogAvalI karmo have naSTa thai gayA hatA. mAruM phaLa have pAkI gayuM hatuM. bAra varSamAM meM tetAlIsa hajAra ekaso navANuM mANasone saMyama-mArge vALyA hatA. to enA phaLarUpe mArA jIvanamAM saMyama udayamAM na Ave, evuM bane ja zI rIte ? Atma kathAo * 95

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(14) huM kapila mAMga mAMga mAMge te ApuM... eka ja jhATake bolI nAkha. tAre zuM joie che ?" rAjAnA AvA aNadhAryA varadAnathI huM to dimUDha thai gayo. mane kAMi sUjhayuM nahi. zuM mAMgavuM? paNa eTaluM jarUra lAgyuM: rAjA jevA rAjA prasanna thayA che ne moM mAMgyuM ApavA taiyAra che to vicAra karIne mAMgavuM joie... jethI pachI pastAvAno vakhata na Ave.' - rAjAnI AjJA meLavI huM vicAra karavA pAchaLanA bagIcAmAM gayo. mAruM mana vicAre caDyuM : zuM mAMgavuM? keTaluM mAMgavuM ? Ama to mAre be mAsA sonuM joituM hatuM. paNa rAjA prasanna ja thayA che to be mAsAthI zuM vaLe ? kama se kama... pAMca sonAmahora to joie ja ne ? pAMca sonAmahora mAMgI lauM? paNa ethI zuM vaLe ? thoDA divasomAM e to vaparAi javAnI. to zuM 10 sonAmahora ? nA... nA... so sonAmahora ja mAMgI laune ? phaTa re jIva ! sothI zuM thavAnuM ? e keTalA vakhata cAlavAnI? vaLI pAcho tuM bhikhArI thaiza. mAMgavAno avasara ja maLyo che to pUro upayoga karI le ne ! to hajAra ? mAMgavuM ja hoya to pachI hajAra zA mATe ? lAkha ja mAMgI lauMne ? pharI-pharIne thoDuM mAMgavuM che? are... bhUlyo... A avasara jiMdagIno pahelo ja che... kadAca chello paNa che. to karoDa sonAmahora zA mATe na mAMguM ? eka ja jhATake baMdA karoDapati ! pachI joi lo baMdAno vaTa ! paNa oha ! huMye mUrakha ja chuM ne ? rAjA jyAre puSkarAvarta meghanI jema varasI rahyA che tyAre huM nAnakaDI Dola bharIne saMtoSa meLavI rahyo chuM. moTA moTA taLAvane bharI detA megha pAsethI Dola bharIne ja rAjI thaI javAnuM? chaTa... mAre AvA mUrakha nathI banavuM ! jiMdagInI A to sonerI taka che. e taka cUkI gayo to pharI raDavA sivAya kazuM hAthamAM AvavAnuM nathI. kahe che ke taka ne tIra eka vAra gayA te gayA ja ! tIra to hajuya meLavI zakAya, paNa taka ? kadAca huM karoDapati banI rahIza ne ? prajA thaine rahevuM eTale Atma kathAo * 96 rAjAnI parAdhInatA bhogavavI. huM zA mATe parAdhInatA svIkAruM ? jyAre rAjA khuza ja thai gayA che ne mAMgavuM ja che to ardha rAjya ja zA mATe na mAMguM ? rAjA vacanathI baMdhAyelo che eTale mAMgIza te ApavAnA ja che ne ? adhuM rAjya maLI jAya pachI to lIlA-lahera ! paNa UbhA raho. ahIM paNa mane kazuMka khuTatuM lAge che. mAnI lo ke adhuM rAjya mane maLI jAya to paNa bIjuM adhuM rAjya rahe to rAjAnuM ja ne ? e rAjA ja pachI mArA mArgamAM kaMTaka na bane ? nItizAstra kahe che ke - "ardhacaMda mitra vo racAt sa Ate" . "ardhA rAjyane bhogavanArA mitrane je na mAre tene potAne ja eka divase maravuM paDe." nA... mAre ema maravuM nathI. rAjA ja banavuM hoya to pAkA rAjA ja banavuM. eno pAyo atyArathI ja majabUta karI levo, atyArathI ja saMbhavita zatruono samULago uccheda karI devo. AkhuM rAjya ja mAMgI levuM. basa... tyAre atyAre ja jAu ane rAjAne kahI dauM : rAjana ! ApanuM AkhuM rAjya mAre joie che. Apa vacana-pAlanamAM karNa cho eTale mane vizvAsa che ke Apa hamaNAM ja siMhAsana khAlI karI mane besADI dezo ane Apa mArA sevaka banazo. Apa vacananuM pAlana karavA baMdhAyelA cho." nA... haju huM AvI mAMgaNI karavA rAjA pAse gayo hoto mAtra vicAraNA ja cAlu hatI. be mAsAnI khINathI vicAra-yAtrA zarU karIne TheTha huM AkhuM rAjaya haDappa karavAnA zikhara sudhI pahoMcI gayo hato. have upara kyAMya javAya tema nhotuM. mArI vicArayAtrAne pharajiyAta nIce UtaravuM paDe tema hatuM. acAnaka ja mArI vicAradhArA badalAi. arere.. huM A zuM karavA beTho ? be mAsAthI kyAM jaine huM pahoMcyo ? jenI pAsethI huM mAMgavA cAhuM chuM. tenuM badhuM ja huM jhuMTavI lauM ? mane saMtoSa kyAM che ? mAruM atRptinuM khappara AkhI duniyAnuM rAjya maLI jAya toya bharAvAnuM nathI. AkAzanI jema icchAono paNa koi cheDo nathI... ane mAruM mana bhUtakALamAM sarakI paDyuM. mArI mAno ekano eka lADakavAyo huM putra ! bahu lADakoDa e eka jAtano abhizApa che - ema mAnajo. bahu lADakoDamAM UcharelA Atma kathAo * 97

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bALako svacchaMdI, risALa ane ALA banI jatA hoya che, bhaNavAmAM paNa Dha hoya che. huM paNa bhaNavAmAM Dhabu ja rahyo. eka vakhata rastA para ThAThamAThathI jatI pAlakhIne joi mArI mA raDatI hatI. meM raDavAnuM kAraNa pUchyuM tyAre teNe kahyuM: beTA ! eka divasa tArA pitAjIno paNa Avo ja ThATha hato. A rAjapurohitanI pAlakhI che. tArA pitAjI rAjamAnya purohita hatA. AvA ja ThAThathI rAjadarabAramAM jatA hatA... paNa temanA avasAna pachI A pada bIjAne ApavAmAM AvyuM. beTA ! tuM kAMi bhaNyo nahi. bhaNyo hota to A pAlakhImAM tuM hota. A badhuM joI zakAtuM nathI - eTale raDuM chuM ! mAnA rudane mane hacamacAvI mUkyo. bhaNavAnuM ATaluM badhuM mUlya hoya che te mane have samajAyuM... 'paNa have zuM thAya ? have kema bhaNAya? have to uMmara vItI gai." ema vicArIne besI rahuM tevo huM na hato. huM AzAvAdI hato. haju to 15-16 varSa ja thayA che ne ? haju zuM bhaNI na zakAya ? jAgyA tyArathI savAra ! meM kaheluM : mA ! huM bhaNavA taiyAra chuM, jo mane koi bhaNAvanAra maLI jAya. "beTA ! ahIM to koi tane nahi bhaNAve. ahIM kauzAMbImAM to badhA irSA karaze. tuM ema kara. tArA pitAjInA mitra indradatta pAse bhaNa. paNa ema karavA tAre zrAvastI javuM paDaze. bola tuM taiyAra che ?" 'hA... mA ! huM badhuM karavA taiyAra chuM." ...ne vaLate ja divase huM mAnA AzIrvAdapUrvaka ahIM zrAvastImAM AvI pahoMcyo. pitAjInA mitra indradatte mane bhaNAvavAnuM zarU karyuM, eka zrImaMtane tyAM mArA bhojananI vyavasthA paNa goThavI ApI. paNa huM hato Ugato yuvAna ! bhojana pIrasavA AvatI eka dAsImAM mohAi paDyo. mAruM mana Akho divasa enA vicAramAM ja rahetuM. AthI adhyayanamAM citta kyAMthI coTe ? AthI ja vidyArthI mATe strIsaMga varya gaNAyo che. paNa meM to mArI premikAne pUrepUruM dila ApI dIdhuM hatuM. enA hara vAkyane huM vadhAvI leto hato. enA nArAjagI dUra karavA AkAzanA tArA paNa toDI lAvavA tatpara raheto, tUTI zakatA hoya to ! eka vakhate meM enI nArAjagInuM kAraNa pUchyuM. tyAre teNe kahyuM : mAre UjANImAM sakhIonI sAthe javAnuM che. bIjI badhI sakhIo tyAre suMdara vastraAbhUSaNa paherIne Avaze, jyAre mArI pAse evuM kAMI nathI... emanA premIo emane badhuM lAvI Ape. mane koNa Ape ? tame to rahyA niraMjana nirAkAra ! tame mane zuM ApavAnA ? vAta enI sAcI hatI. sAce ja huM 'niraMjana' 'nirAkAra' hato ! daridra mANasa 'nirAkAra' ja hoya ne ? eno koi AkAra hoya che ? e koinI AMkhe caDe che ? koI enI sAmuM jue che ? nirAkAranI jema daridra paNa samAjane dekhAto nathI. patnInA meNA-ToNAthI huM Ahata banyo... paNa zuM karuM ? mArI nirAzAne khaMkheratAM mArI premikA kapilAe kahyuM : prANanAtha ! ema nirAza thavAnI jarUra nathI. juo huM eka yukti batAvuM. tamane bIjo koi dhaMdho to AvaDe tema nathI, paNa mAMgavAno dhaMdho to phAvaze ne ? mAMgavuM e to ApaNA brAhmaNono janmasiddha vyavasAya che. tame rAjA pAsethI be mAsA sonuM lai Avo. ahIMnA rAjAno evo niyama che ke je koi savAre sauthI pahelAM AzIrvAda ApavA Ave tene be mAsA sonuM ApavuM. to tame vahelA-vahelA tyAM pahoMcI jajo. be mAsA sonAthI thoDA-ghaNA divaso sudhI ApaNo gujAro thai raheze. mane mArI preyasInI yukti gamI. bIjA ja divase vahelI savAre huM rAjAne AzIrvAda ApavA gayo, paNa e pahelAM ja be mAsA sonuM koine apAI gayuM hatuM. trIjA divase huM vahelo gayo to paNa naMbara na lAgyo. satata ATha divasa sudhI huM cakkara khAto rahyo... paNa spardhAmAM huM pAchaLa ja rahyo. spardhAnI duniyAmAM pahelI ja vakhata paga mUkyo hato. paga mUkatAM ja mane e bhAna thavA lAgyuM ke je cIjane tame iccho cho e ja cIjane bIjA seMkaDo mANaso paNa icchI rahyA che. badhA ema ja icche che : koi lai jAya tenA pahelAM ja huM lai laUM ! bIjAne pAchaLa rAkhI badhA AgaLa nIkaLI javA cAhatA hoya che. AvI bhayaMkara spardhAmAM Atma kathAo * 98 Atma kathAo * 99

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mArA jevo bhalI-bhoLo juvAnIyo zI rIte Take ? ATha-ATha divasa niSphaLatA maLI chatAM huM nirAza na thayo. meM vicAryuM : jo dAna meLavavuM hoya to mAre ahIM ja kyAMka sUvuM paDaze. tyAMthI ahIM AvatAM thoDuMka moDuM thai jAya che ne vacce koi haDappa karI jAya che. ...ne huM rAjamahelanI bAjunA ja medAnamAM sUi rahyo. sUtI vakhate meM daDha saMkalpa karyo : mAre vahelA UThavuM che. vahelA UThavuM che... vahelA UThavuM che. ApaNuM ajAgRta mana ApaNe je sUcanAo ApIe teno svIkAra karI letuM hoya che ne e pramANe amala paNa karatuM hoya che. tame kyAreka prayoga karI jojo. savAre vahelA UThAtuM na hoya to A prayoga khAsa karavA jevo che. sUtI vakhate manamAM daDhatApUrvaka uccAraNa karavuM : "mAre amuka samaye UThavuM che." 10-20 vakhata uccAraNa karI sUi javuM. pachI jojo. tamAruM mana tamane jagADe che ke nahi ? nirdhArita samaye cokkasa tamArI AMkha ughaDI jaze. pachI ALasane choDI UThavAnI hiMmata tamArAmAM joie. nahi to ghaNI vakhata mANasa jAgIne paNa sUi jAya ! savAranI mIThI UMgha choDavI muzkela che. paNa meM manane jarA vadhAre paDatI sUcanA ApI dIdhelI. utsukatA khUba ja hatIne ? ardhI rAtre ja mArI UMgha UDI gai. AkAzamAM candrano udaya thai cUkyo hato. paNa huM samajyo ke sUryodaya thai cUkyo che. mohAMdhane AvuM ja dekhAyane? bApa re... ghaNuM moDuM thai gayuM. Aje paNa dAna nahi maLe to ? ne... huM mUThIo vALI bhAgyo rAjamahela tarapha... ardhI rAtre Ama bhAgatA mANasane koi paNa zaMkAnI najare ja jue ne ? cokIdAroe mane cora samajIne pakaDI lIdho. savAre rAjA samakSa mane hAjara karyo tyAre meM badhI vAta cokhecokhkhI kahI dIdhI. mArI nirdoSatA tarapha rAjAne vahAla UbharAyuM. bALakanI jema je sAcuM bolI jAya tene sAmI vyakti taraphathI pitAnI jema vahAla maLe. paNa sAcuM kahevAnI hiMmata joIe, nirdoSatA joie. khuza thayelA rAjAe mane Aje varadAna mAMgavA kahyuM che ne huM kyAMthI kyAM pahoMcyo ? Atma kathAo * 100 jyAM be mAsAnI ja vAta hatI tyAM huM AkhuM rAjya ja jhuMTavI levA taiyAra thayo chuM ! arere... mananI doDano te koi aMta che ? A mananA kahyuM doDatA gayA doDatA gayA to thAka sivAya kazuMya maLavAnuM nathI. manane game teTaluM maLe, paNa e tRpta nathI thavAnuM. kAraNa ke ene taLiyuM ja nathI. AvA manane ApaNe anAdikALathI bharavA prayatna karI rahyA chIe. paNa Aja sudhI saphaLatA maLI nathI. mane paNa kyAMthI ? dizA ja UMdhI che pachI maMjhila maLe kyAMthI ? manane tRpta karavAno mArga che bharavuM baMdha karavuM! jyAM tame bharavAnuM baMdha karo cho, e ja kSaNe manamAM tRptinuM avataraNa zarU thAya che. lAkaDAM nAkhavA e agnine zAMta karavAno mArga nathI. lAkaDAM nAkhavA baMdha karavA e mArga che. tame lAkaDAM nAkhavAnuM baMdha karo cho e ja kSaNathI agni zAMta thavAnuM zarU kare che. meM mananI Agane icchAnA idhana ApavAnuM baMdha karyuM. mArA lobhanA bhaDakAo zAMta thavA lAgyA. dhIre.. dhIre... mane mananAM rahasyo chatA thavA lAgyA. Akhare huM manathI pele pAra pahoMcI gayo. mAtra manathI ja nahi, zarIra, vacana, mana, Urmi, bhAvanA, karma vagere tamAmathI huM para thai gayo. huM mArA zuddha svabhAvamAM DUbI gayo ane jyAM vItarAgatAmAM DUbakI lagAvI ke bIjI ja kSaNe kevaLajJAna mane maLI gayuM. huM kevaLI banI gayo. loca karI sAdhu-veSa dhAraNa karI huM rAja-darabAramAM jaI pahoMcyo. rAjAe mAMgavAnI vAta karI tyAre meM kahyuM : "jahA lAho tahA loho, lAhe loho pavaDDai / do mAsakayaM kajjaM koDIe vi na niTiaM // " "rAjana ! mArA lobhane koi aMta hoto. Aje lobhanI nirarthakatA samajAi che. rAjanuM ! have mAre kazuM joituM nathI. anaMta-anaMta kALathI jene huM zodhato hato te mane maLI gayuM che. rAjanuM ! dharmalAbha. ...ne huM cAlato thayo." Atma kathAo * 101

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- (15) huM sahumAra ke dareka mANasamAM kAMika ne kAMika vizeSatA hoya che. vizeSatAnA kAraNe e bIjAthI alaga paDe che. vizvamAM karoDo mANaso che, paNa koi be mANasa saMpUrNa eka sarakhA nathI. darekanA mukha, svara, AkAra, vyaktitva, saMyoga, buddhi vagere alaga-alaga che. eTale ja dareka mANasa 'ajoDa' che. kudarata darekane 'ajoDa banAvavA cAhe che. e bIbADhALa eka sarakhA mAnavone pedA karatI nathI. nitya-navInatA e kudaratanuM kAma che ! mArAmAM kudarate eka vizeSatA mUkI hatI : rUpanI ! rUpa eTale adbhuta ! tamane duniyAmAM kyAMya jovA na maLe evuM ! maLelI vizeSatA pacAvavI agharI che. mane UMDe-UMDe garva hato : huM rUpALo chuM. bIjA badhA kolasA ne huM eka sonuM. bIjA badhA kALamIMDha paththara ane huM baraphano zveta himAlaya ! eka vakhate huM snAna karI rahyo hato ne be brAhmaNo mane maLavA Avyo. meM pUchyuM : "zA mATe AvyA cho ?" "ame tamAruM rUpa jovA AvyA chIe." javAba maLyo. huM garva anubhavI rahyo : mArA rUpanI keTalI prasiddhi ! keTalo mahimA ! loko dUra-dUrathI mAruM rUpa jovA Ave che. paNa huM mUrakha eTaluMya na samajI zakyo ke AmAM mArI potAnI vizeSatA zI ? A rUpa to janmathI maLelI bheTa che, meM kAMi arjita karela nathI. emAM malakAvuM zuM ? lokonA ToLA jovA Ave temAM rAjI zuM thavAnuM ? loko to tamAzA premI hoya che. gAmamAM eka hAthI Ave toya lokonuM ToLuM bheguM thai jAya che. AmAM hAthIe thoDuM abhimAna karavAnuM hoya ? paNa hAthI abhimAna nathI karato, mANasa kare che. hAthI mANasa karatAM vadhAre samajadAra hoya - evuM nathI lAgatuM ? mAruM rUpa joi moM malakAvatA brAhmaNo bolI UThyA : zuM adbhuta Atma kathAo * 102 rUpa che ! jANe ekI sAthe so-so pUnamanA candra khIlI UThyA ! tamAruM rUpa ghaDIne vidhAtAe kharekhara hAtha khaMkherI nAkhyA haze ! mATe ja jagatamAM bIje kyAMya AvuM rUpa amane jovA maLyuM nathI ne ! kharekhara amAro phero saphaLa thai gayo. tamArA rUpanI prazaMsA sAMbhaLI amane jovAnuM mana thaI AvyuM. paNa rastAmAM ghaNIvAra vicAra AvatAH have mANasanA rUpamAM zuM jovAnuM hoya ? joyA pachI nAhaka pastAIzuM : arere... A to dhakko mAthe paDaze... ghaNIvAra durathI jeTaluM saMbhaLAya che, najIkamAM eTaluM lAgatuM nathI. evuM ghaNIvAra jIvanamAM banyuM che. dUrathI prazaMsA sAMbhaLI jemanI pAse gayA tyAM amane evuM kAMi lAgyuM nathI. DuMgarA dUrathI raLiyAmaNA ! paNa ahIM AvyA pachI amane pastAvo to nathI thayo, paNa khUba khUba AnaMda thayo che. 'DuMgarA dUrathI raLiyAmaNA' e ukti bIje sAcI haze, paNa ApanA mATe to nahi ja. kharekhara Aje amArI AMkho sArthaka thai che. Apane na joyA hota to kharekhara amAruM jIvatara eLe gayuM gaNAta. brAhmaNonI vAta sAMbhaLI huM manomana porasAI UThyo : kevo adbhuta huM mAnavI ? eka to huM rUpano garva hato ja, vaLI A prazaMsA sAMbhaLavA maLI, pachI bAkI zuM rahe ? eka to jhera ane vaLI ene vadhAravAmAM Ave... eka to vAghanuM baccuM ane vaLI ene chaMcheDavAmAM Ave... eka to mAMkaDuM ane vaLI ene dArU pIvaDAvavAmAM Ave... bAkI zuM rahe ? sAva kadarUpo mANasa paNa arIsAmAM potAnuM moTuM joi malakAi zakato hoya to huM to svarUpavAna hato. mArI jagyAe bIjo koi hoya to mArAthI kai gaNo vadhu garva kare. mane e bhalA-bhoLA brAhmaNonI vAta sAMbhaLI hasavuM AvyuM : bicArAone khabara nathI asalI rUpa kevuM che? meM temane kahyuM : "bhUdevo ! atyAre khullA zarIre zuM rUpa hoya ? mArA rUpano nikhAra jovo hoya to Avajo rAjadarabAramAM. sarva aMge AbhUSaNo paherI siMhAsana para beTho houM tyAre rUpanI garimA koi judI ja hoya che. snAna karatI vakhate kAMi rUpa jovAya ?' Atma kathAo * 103

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huM banI-ThanIne rAjadarabAramAM Avyo. pelA brAhmaNo pharI mAruM rUpa jovA AvyA. paNa re, emanA moDhA paDI gayelA lAgyA. 'kema bhUdevo ! mAruM rUpa have kevuM lAge che ?" mArAthI na rahevAyuM. meM to pUchI ja lIdhuM. 'nahi... rAjana ! pahelAM jevuM A rUpa nathI. e kAnti... e AbhA-maMDala... e lAvaNya... e badhuM vilIna thai gayeluM dekhAya che.' bhUdevo bolyA. kema AvuM kaho cho ? huM to eno e ja chuM. eTalI vAramAM pharaka zuM paDe ?" nahi mahArAja ! Apa enA e ja nathI. ApaNuM zarIra badalAi gayuM che. chatAM Apane enuM e ja lAge che, e bhrama che. nadI dara vakhate enI e lAge che, paNa enI e nathI hotI. enuM pANI badalAi gayeluM hoya che. dIvo eno e ja lAge che, paNa eno e nathI hoto. enI jayota satata badalAtI rahe che. e satata parivartana pAmyA ja kare che. pugalono cayApacaya ahIM cAlu ja che." huM evI tattvajJAnanI vAto sAMbhaLavA nathI mAMgato. je hoya te TUMkamAM kahI do.' huM garyo. juo... rAjana ! TUMkamAM eTaluM ja kahevAnuM ke pahelAM ApanI kAyA nIrogI hatI, svastha hatI. atyAre rogagrasta banI gai che. enuM nUra cAlyuM gayuM che." brAhmaNonI vAtathI huM hasI paDyo : "alyA mUrakhAo ! mArA zarIramAM roga hoya enI pahelAM mane khabara paDe ke tamane ? mane to evI ne evI ja svasthatA lAge che." rAjanuM ! ApanI vAta kharI che. Apane haju rogonI vedanA anubhavAtI nathI. paNa thoDA ja vakhatamAM anubhavAze. rogonuM vedana zarU thAya e pahelA zarIranI kAntimAM jhAMkhapa AvI jAya che, enuM AbhA maMDala malina banI jAya che. amArI krAntadRSTi ApanA zarIranA jhAMkhA paDelA AbhAmaMDala dvArA AvelA rogo joi rahI che. amArI vAta para Apane vizvAsa na hoya to ghUMkI juo. theMkanI parIkSA karAvo. pachI Apane khyAla Avaze. mahArAjA ! ApanA zarIramAM eka-be nahi, pUrA soLa roga vyApI cUkyA che." brAhmaNonI vAta sAMbhaLI huM coMkyo. huM pAna cAvI rahyo hato. pAsenI ghUMkadAnImAM huM ghUMkyo. kuzaLa vaidoe mArA ghUMkanI parIkSA karIne kahyuM : "rAjana ! ApanA ghUMkamAM rogonA sUkSma jaMtuo dekhAi rahyA che. soLa rogothI ApanI kAyA grasta banI cUkI che. evI A brAhmaNonI vAta so TakA sAcI che.' hu stabdha thai gayo. A huM zuM sAMbhaLI rahyo chuM ? A kaMcana jevI kAyA eTalIvAramAM rogagrasta banI gai ? A zarIra ke saMdhyAno raMga? A zarIra ke pANIno parapoTo ? ATalI badhI parivartanazIlatA? jenA para huM garva lai rahyo hato e ja vastu adhama banI gai ? hA... je vastunuM abhimAna karIe te vastu ApaNI pAsethI cAlI jAya. buddhinuM abhimAna karo to buddhi gaI samajo. mUrakha banavuM paDaze. paisAnuM abhimAna karo to paisA gayA samajo, bhikhArI banavuM paDaze. tAkAtanuM abhimAna karo to tAkAta gaI samajo. kaMgALa banavuM paDaze. kuLano mada karo to kuLa gayuM samajo. bhUMDa banavuM paDaze. jenuM jenuM abhimAna thAya, te te vastu karmasattA chInavI le che. mArI ja vAta karo ne ? meM rUpa abhimAna karyuM ne rUpa gayuM ! zarIra rogagrasta banyuM. hamaNAnuM karma jANe ke hamaNAM ja phUTI nIkaLyuM. paNa huMye kAMi kAco hoto. karmasattAnA badhA dAvapeca jANato hato. karmasattAne kai rIte mahAta karavI e paNa huM jANato hato. karmasattAno siddhAMta mane gaLathuthImAMthI maLyo hato. AthI ja meM karmasattA sAme laDavAno nirNaya karyo. e mATe dharmasattAnA zaraNe javA vicAryuM. karmasattAthI dharmasattA hamezAM baLavAna che, eno mane khyAla hato. karmasattA bahu bahu to daridratA Ape, paNa dharmasattA daridratAnI vacceya dilanI zrImaMtAi ApI zake che. karmasattA bahu bahu to vyAdhi Ape, paNa dharmasattA to vyAdhimAM paNa samAdhi Ape ! Atma kathAo * 105 Atma kathAo - 104

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karmasattA bahu-bahu to mota Ape. jyAre dharmasattA to motane paNa maMgaLamaya banAvI de; samAdhibharyuM mRtyu ApIne ! zA mATe karmasattAnA hAtha nIce rahevuM ? enI zirajorIne khatama karavA zA mATe kaTibaddha na banavuM ? karmasattAne mahAta karavA meM dharmasattAnA zaraNe javA vicAryuM. meM saMsAra tyAga karI saMyama-mArge javA nakkI karyuM. zarIranA rogonI davA karavA huM koi vaida pAse na gayo... paNa e rogonuM mULa kAraNa (karmasattA) zodhI tene ja sApha karavA meM daDha saMkalpa karyo. kUtarAne lAkaDI mAro to e lAkaDIne karaDaze, paNa siMha lAkaDI mAranArane pakaDaze. roga to lAkaDI che. e lAkaDIne ghumAvanAra koNa che? e jovuM joie... roganI lAkaDI phaTakAvanAra karmasattAne meM joi lIdhI hatI. to enA para ja zA mATe tarApa na mAruM ? mANasanA vezamAM kUtaro zA mATe bane ? mArA zarIramAM roga pedA karIne karmasattAe jANe paDakAra pheMkyo hato... meM e paDakArane jhIlI lIdho.. karmasattAnA manamAM ema haze ke meM sanatuM nA mArge paththara mUkI dIdhA che. have e zI rIte cAlaze ? paNa karmasattAne e vAtano khyAla kyAMthI hoya ke A sanatuM to pahoMcela buTTI che. e paththarane paNa pagathiyuM banAvI zake che, e bhUlane paNa phUlamAM parivartita karI zake che, e kAdavane paNa gulAla banAvI zake che ! nabaLA mANaso muzkelI AvatAM DarI jAya che. huM DarI jAuM tevo nabaLo hoto. muzkelI ja sattvane vadhu khIlave che. evuM huM bacapaNathI zIkhyo hato. zarIranA rogoe mArA jIvanamAM krAnti sarjI dIdhI. saMsAratyAgano meM pAko nirNaya karI lIdho. bIjA ja divase meM cha khaMDa, nava nidhAna, cauda ratno AdinI sarva samRddhino tyAga karavA kadama mAMDyA. mArA senApatie, prajAjano, aMtaHpurAdi mane pAchA pharavA vinaMtI karavA lAgyA... paNa huM koinuM kazuM ja sAMbhaLyA vinA cAlI ja nIkaLyo. jo ema badhAnuM sAMbhaLavA jaie ne tadanusAra karavA jaie to kadI nIkaLI ja na zakAya. svajano to kahetA ja rahe : A karIne jAva, peluM patAvIne jAva. haju vAra che. ATalI zI UtAvaLa che ? emanA bahAnAo kadI aTake ja nahi. sAgaramAM taraMgo aTake to saMsAranA kAryo aTake. sAgaramAM mojA AvatA baMdha thAya pachI huM aMdara paDI snAna karuM - Avo mANasa AkhI jiMdagI vATa joyA kare to paNa snAna karI zake nahi. tame AvuM kazuM nathI karatA ne ? saMyamanI bhAvanA thai hovA chatAM koika kAmanA bahAnA heThaLa rokAi nathI rahyA ne? yAda rAkhajo ke kAma kadI pUrA thavAnAM ja nathI. sAgaramAM mojA pUrA thAya to saMsAramAM kAma pUrA thAya. saMyamanI bhAvanA thAya tyAre kUdI ja paDajo. kazAnI vATa nahi jotA. 'abhI nahIM to kabhI nahIM' e sUtra kadI bhUlatA nahi. 'davi virane tava pravranet' sUtra emane ema nathI kahevAyuM. tame mAnazo ? mArI pAchaLa mAro parivAra cha-cha mahinA sudhI pharato rahyo... ghera pAchA pharavA vinavaNI karato rahyo... paNa koinuM sAMbhaLe te bIjA ! tamArA manamAM prazna thaze : "saMyama to enuM nAma jyAM sarva jIvo pratye snehabhAva hoya. tame to tamArA kuTuMba pratye paNa sneha na rAkhI zakyA. keTalI kaThoratA batAvI ?' tamArI vAta kharI... meM uparathI bhale kaThoratA batAvI, paNa aMdarathI huM komaLa ja hato. meM temanA pratyeno moha haTAvI dIdho hato. maitrI hotI haThAvI, moha ne maitrImAM pharake che. moha svArthaprerita hoya che. maitrI niHsvArtha - nidaoNSa hoya che, sarva sAthe nirvizeSa hoya che. emanA mohane haThAvavA bahArathI kaThoratA batAvavI jarUrI hatI. cha mahinA pachI mAro parivAra svasthAne gayo. have huM ekAkI saMyama-sAdhanAmAM DUbI gayo. mArA zarIramAM eka nahi, paNa soLa-soLa roga hatA. Atma kathAo * 107 Atma kathAo * 106

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gRhasthapaNAAM paNa meM tenI davA karI nhotI to ahIM to karuM ja kyAMthI ? AMkhanI vedanA, peTanI vedanA, dAha, koDha, khAMsI, kSaya jevA bhayaMkara dardInI vedanA huM satata sahato rahyo. huM to rogane paNa upakArI mAnato, jeo mane satata jAgato rAkhe che, satata mane e bhAna karAvatA rahe che ke tame zarIra nathI, tame enAthI para cho. zarIrane rogo thayA che, tamane nahi. kapaDuM phATI jAya to tamane vedanA thAya ? nahi. kAraNa ke tame kAMi kapaDuM nathI. kapaDAthI zarIra alaga che, tema zarIrathI AtmA alaga che, evI anubhUti mane pratyeka kSaNe thavA mAMDI hatI. AthI ja rogo pratye mAruM dhyAna ja nhotuM. huM to mArA saccidAnaMda AtmAmAM DUbI gayo hato. saccidAnaMdamAM lInatA mANatAM-mANatAM sAtaso-sAtaso varSa vItI gayA. tame kahezo ke rogo sahatAM-sahatAM sAtaso-sAtaso varSa vItI gayA, paNa huM kahIza ke AtmAnA AnaMdane mANatAM-mANatAM sAtaso varSa vItI gayA. tamane mAruM zarIra dekhAya, mArA rogo dekhAya, paNa huM je bhAvadazAmAM DUbelo houM, te thoDI dekhAya ? eka divase mArI pAse be vaido AvyA ane kahyuM : mahAtman ! ame ApanI davA karavA mAMgIe chIe. kRpA karo ane amane lAbha Apo. meM kahyuM : juo, mane mukhya ATha rogo lAgu paDyA che ne nAnA 158 rogo paDelA che. davA karI zakatA ho to karo !' vaido auSadhi kADhavA lAgyA tyAre meM kahyuM : huM zarIranA rogonI vAta nathI karato. huM to AtmAnA rogonI vAta karuM chuM. mArA AtmAne ATha mULa karma tathA 158 tenA peTA bhedo vaLagelA che. e ja mahAroga che. ene maTADI zakatA ho to huM taiyAra chuM. tame zarIranA rogone maTADavAnI vAta karo cho. juo... zarIranA rogone maTADavAnI davA to mArI pAse ja che. enA mATe koi jaDIbuTTI kyAMyathIye lAvavAnI jarUra nathI. A juo... Atma kathAo * 108 ne... meM mAruM thUMka TacalI AMgaLIne lagADayuM ne tarata ja koDhathI kadarUpI banI gayelI e AMgaLI sonA jevI caLakavA lAgI. vaido stabdha banI gayA ane bolI UThyA : "mahAtman ! ApanI dhIratA ne sahanazIlatAne dhanya ho ! ame Apane oLakhI na zakyA, roga-nivAraNano upAya pAse hovA chatAM roga-nivAraNa na karavuM e bahu ja utkRSTa siddhi che. 'munivara ! ame vaido nathI. svarganA devo chIe. indre tamArI dhIratA ane niHspRhatAnI prazaMsA karelI. tethI parIkSA mATe ame AvyA chIe. sAce ja indre kahI tethI paNa adhika dhIratA ane niHspRhatA ApanAmAM che.' "ApanuM rUpa jovA paNa ame ja brAhmaNanuM rUpa laine AvelA; indre rUpanI prazaMsA karI hatI mATe. ame ja Apane rogonI vAta kahI hatI. maharSi ! amAro koi avinaya thayo hoya to kSamA karazo." ATaluM bolatAM ja vaido eka tejovartulamAM badalAi gayA ane kSaNavAramAM ja e tejovartula adazya thai gayuM. A rIte sAtaso varSa sudhI saMyama pALIne huM trIjA devaloke gayo. trIjA devalokanuM nAma AvaDe che ? mAruM ane trIjA devalokanuM eka ja nAma che H sanatkumAra ! * Atma kathAo - 109

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(16) huM aMdhaka huM hato rAjakumAra. mAruM nAma skaMdhaka. pitAnuM nAma rAjA jitazatru. mAtAnuM nAma dhAriNIdevI. eka zubha avasare zrIdharmaghoSa muninI dezanA sAMbhaLavA maLI ane mAro sUtelo AtmA jAgI UThyo. meM dharmaghoSa gurudevanA caraNomAM jIvana samarpita karI dIdhuM. huM skaMdhakakumAramAMthI skaMdhaka muni banyo. tapane meM mArI sAdhanAnuM kendra banAvyuM. chaThTha, ama vagere tapa dainika banI gayA. mane yAda nathI meM kyAreya be divasa eka sAthe vAparyuM hoya. AthI mAruM zarIra ekadama kRza banI gayuM. zarIra bhale dUbaLuM banyuM paNa AtmA UjaLo banyo. tame kahezo : zarIra para ATalo atyAcAra karavAnI jarUra zI che ? Akhare to Atmazuddhi ja karavAnI che ne ? to AtmA para ja dhyAna kendrita karo ne ? zarIrane bicArAne zA mATe pIDo cho ? paNa tame eka vAta samajo. AtmA zarIra sivAya bIje kyAM rahelo che ? zarIramAM ja to AtmA che. vaLI, ame kAMi zarIra para atyAcAra nathI karatA. ame to zarIra para niyaMtraNa karIe chIe. zarIrane evuM kasIe chIe ke game tevI paristhitine paNa vadhAvI le... game tevA kaSTomAM paNa uMhakAroya na kare. zarIra e gulAma hovA chatAM Aje te mAlikanI jema varte che. gulAmane tenuM sthAna to batAvavuM joiene ? AtmA enI mAlikI bhUlI gayo che. tapathI mAlikane potAnI mAlikInuM bhAna thAya che ne gulAmane potAnI gulAmInuM bhAna thAya che. atyAre tamArI hAlata UlaTI che. mAlika hovA chatAM Aje tame gulAmanI jema vartI rahyA cho. zarIranI AjJA pramANe tame cAlo cho ke tamArI AjJA pramANe zarIra cAle che ? tame iccho tyAre AhAra-tyAga karI zako cho ? Atma kathAo - 110 tame iccho tyAre chaTTa-adyama karI zako cho ? nahi... zarIra AjJA kare che : mAre to Aje bhojana joize ja. ne tame zarIranI AjJA svIkArI lo cho. tamArI mAlikI khatama thai gai ! gulAmanI AjJA pramANe mAlika cAle enI hAlata zI thAya ? ghoDAnI AjJA pramANe ghoDesavAra cAle to hAlata zI thAya ? Aje tamArI hAlata AvI thai che. ghoDesavAra ghoDAnI icchA pramANe cAlI rahyo che. AtmA zarIranI AjJA pramANe cAlI rahyo che. AnAthI vadhu bIjI karuNatA kai ? to eka vAta samajI lo ke tapa e zarIra parano atyAcAra nathI, paNa zarIra paranuM svAmitA siddha karavAnI kaLA che. jeNe AtmAno sAkSAtkAra karavo che, jeNe manane jItavuM che, teNe zarIra paranI svAmitA siddha karavI ja rahI. je zarIrano paNa mAlika nathI banyo te manano mAlika zuM khAkha banavAno ? tamArI vAta kharI che ke Akhare Atma-zuddhi ja karavAnI che, karmo ja kADhavAnA che. karmone ja tApa ApI-ApIne ogALavAnA che. paNa karmone tApa lAgaze zI rIte ? dUdhane garama karavuM hoya to tapelIne garama karavI ja paDaze. sIdhuM dUdha cUlAmAM na reDAya. AtmAne / karmone tapAvavA hoya to zarIrane tapAvavuM ja paDaze. zarIra tapatAM indriyo tapaze, karmo tapaze ane ogaLI-ogaLIne AtmAthI chUTA paDaze. huM kAMi mUDha ke gamAra nhoto ke samajyA vinA ja tapa karato rahuM ! yAda rahe ke mAtra bhUkhyA rahevuM - lAMghaNa karavuM e tapa nathI. evo bhUkhamaro to baLada ane kUtarAnA bhavamAM kyAM nathI veThyo ? traNa-traNa divasanA bhUkhyA kUtarAne koi aTTamano tapasvI nathI kahetuM ! karmonA kSayanA dhyeyapUrvaka AraMbhAto tapa e ja sAco tapa che, e vAtano mane pAko khyAla hato. AthI ja duniyA mane mUDha ke gamAra kahe tenI mane paDI nhotI ! huM to mArI duniyAmAM masta hato. koi mane zuM kahe che - enI bilakula paDI nhotI. koi mane mUDha kahe ke gamAra Atma kathAo - 111

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kahe tethI huM thoDo maDha ke gamAra banI javAno hato? koi tapasvI kahe to thoDo tapasvI banI javAno hato ? ApaNe evA mUrkha chIe ke loko jevA ApaNane kahe tevI ApaNe ApaNI jAtane mAnI laie chIe, sAcA sAdhako kadI duniyAnI paravA karatA nathI. te to potAnI mastImAM jIve che. AvI mastI ja, Avo AnaMda ja emane sAdhanAmAM vega Ape che. AnaMda ja tamArI pragatinuM pramANa-patra che. loko zuM bole che te nahi, paNa tamArI aMdara AnaMda keTalo vadhyo ? e ja tamArI sAdhanAnuM pramANa ! jema jema AnaMda vadhato jAya, tema tema samajavuM ke mArI sAdhanA sArI rIte cAlI rahI che. lokone bhale dUbaLo lAgato hato, paNa mArI aMdara AnaMda to divase divase vadhI rahyo hato. A AnaMda ja mane jaNAvato hato ke he muni ! tuM sAcA mArge che. Avo AnaMda ja tapa sAthe samatA Ape che. Avo AnaMda ja sAdhanAmAM ajoDa ullAsa bakSe che. Avo AnaMda ja game tevA pratikULa vAtAvaraNane paNa vadhAvI le che. eka vakhate huM nagara bahAra dhyAna karI rahyo hato. mArI pAse be mANaso AvyA. emanA hAthamAM tIkSNa kuhADIo hatI. mane kahevA lAgyA : "mahArAja ! rAjAnI AjJA pramANe amAre tamArI cAmaDI cholavAnI che." maraNAnta upasarga meM sAme joyo, chatAM mAruM rUMvADuM paNa na pharakyuM. huM madhura smita veratAM bolyo : bhale bhAio ! rAjAnI AjJA pramANe cAlavuM tamArI pharaja che. tama-tamAre cAmaDI cholavA mAMDo. mArI koi paravA nA karo. tame kaho tema huM Ubho rahuM. tamane jarAya takalIpha paDavI na joie. mArI cAmaDI ekadama barachaTa ane rUkSa banI gai che eTale tamane takalIpha paDaze. mATe ja tame kaho tema Ubho rahuM.. mArI vAta sAMbhaLI pelA to stabdha banI gayA. emanI dhAraNA to evI hatI : AvI vAta sAMbhaLatAM ja sAdhu bhAgavA mAMDaze, gusso karaze, gALo bolaze athavA amane mIThAzathI samajAvavA prayatna karaze, paNa A ame zuM joi rahyA chIe ? Avo addabhuta mAnavI ame amArI Atma kathAo * 112 jiMdagImAM joyo nathI, je kahe : tame mArI cAmaDI cholo. tamane anukULa Ave tema huM Ubho rahuM ! A mANasane ApaNe zuM kahevuM ? A mANasane ApaNe kevI rIte harAvavo ? je pote hArelo ja Ubho rahI jAya tene tame zI rIte harAvI zako ? A mANasane kevI rIte mAravo ? eNe to mRtyune paNa mArI nAkhyuM che, AvA mRtyuMjayI mANasane ApaNe zuM mAravAnA ? arere... AvI rAjAjJA ApaNA mAthe kyAM AvI caDI ? bhagavAnane prArthanA ke koine paNa AvuM kAma karavAno avasara Ape nahi. e mANasonA mukha paranA bhAvo huM vAMcI gayo. meM kahyuM : Daro cho zuM ? tame to rAjAnA sevaka cho. huM svastha Ubho chuM. tame tamAruM kAma karI zako cho. pelAo mArI cAmaDI UtaraDavA lAgyA. ca... 2... 2... ca... 2... 2... mArI cAmaDI cholAvA lAgI. bhayaMkara vedanA thavA lAgI, paNa vedanA kone ? zarIrane. mArA AtmAne zuM ? vastra phATe emAM ApaNane zuM ? zarIra paNa eka vastra ja che ne ? vastra cha mahinAmAM phATI jAya che... zarIra 50-100 varSamAM phATI jAya che. zarIra thoDuM TakAu che. bAkI pharaka zuM ? tame kahezo : AvA maraNAnta kaSTathI tame DarI na gayA ? tame asvastha banI na gayA ? DaravAnI vAta ja kyAM ? Dara ja na hoya to asvasthatA Ave kyAMthI ? asvasthatAnuM mULa Dara che. jyAM Dara na hoya tyAM kadI asvasthatA nahi Ave. huM to koi paNa prasaMgano satkAra karavA taiyAra rahenAro sAdhaka hato. sAdhanA karatAM-karatAM huM eTaluM zIkhyo hato ke jIvananA sahaja kramamAM je kAMi paNa Ave teno satkAra karavo. ApaNe sukhano satkAra karIe ne du:khano inkAra karIe e zI rIte cAle ? divasano svIkAra karIe ne rAtano inkAra karIe e zI rIte cAle ? vasaMtano svIkAra karIe ane pAnakharano inkAra karIe e zI rIte cAle ? chAMyaDAno svIkAra karIe ne taDakAno inkAra karIe e zI rIte cAle ? A to sahaja krama che. rAta ane divasano, vasaMtano ne pAnakharano, taDakAno ane chAMyaDAno ! sukhano ane duHkhano ! mAnano ane apamAnano ! Atma kathAo * 113

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e badhAno Adara karavAno che ! kyAMyathI bhAgavAnuM nathI. badheya aDola thaine taTastha thaIne rahevAnuM che. anukULatAmAM Asakta nathI banavAnuM ne pratikULatAmAM virakta nathI banavAnuM ! paNa e kyAre banI zake ? zarIrane barAbara keLaveluM hoya to. meM mArA zarIrane barAbara keLaveluM hatuM ! mRtyu sudhInA kaSTane paNa sahI zake tyAM sudhI keLaveluM hatuM ! tapazcaryAthI, sAdhanAthI, dhyAnathI, kAyotsargathI, badhI prakriyAothI meM zarIra ane manane barAbara tAbedAra banAvyA hatA. mArI AjJA pramANe cAlanArA sevako banAvyA hatA. huM te vakhate zarIra ane manathI para thai gayo... eTalI vizuddhimAM huM pahoMcI gayo ke dhIre dhIre badhA ja paDadA haTI gayA. huM zarIra, mana, vacana, bhAva, karma vagere badhAthI para evA pradezamAM pahoMcI gayo jyAM kevaLajJAnano sUrya jhagArA mArI rahyo hato. je kSaNe mane kevaLajJAna thayuM e ja kSaNe mAruM AyuSya pUruM thayuM. kAyama mATe siddhazilAmAM birAjamAna thai gayo. tame kahezo : tamane pelA mANaso mAravA kema AvyA ? enuM kAraNa to kAMi tame jaNAvyuM nahi. rAjAe AvI AjJA zA mATe karI ? vAta ema banelI ke huM jyAre gocarI mATe rAjamArga parathI pasAra thai rahyo hato tyAre jharUkhAmAM beThelI rANInI mArA para najara paDI. rANI mArI saMsArI sagI bena thatI hatI. potAnA bhAine UghADA page tapa-kuza dehe ghera-ghera pharatA joi enI AMkhamAM AMsu AvI gayA : arere... huM ahIM rAjamahelamAM moja karuM chuM ane mAro bhAi keTalA kaSTo sahe che ? strIo Ameya lAgaNIzIla hoya che. koI paNa evI ghaTanAthI tarata ja AMsu AvI jAya. rANInI AMkhamAM AMsu joi rAjA zaMkAzIla banyo. rAjAe joyuM ke rANInI najara nIce jatA sAdhu para che. cokkasa A sAdhu mArI rANIno yAra che. ene joine, ene yAda karIne ja A raDI rahI che. rAjAnuM zaMkAzIla mana bolI UThyuM. premIo haMmezA irSyALu hoya che. potAnA pAtrano koinI sAthe saMbaMdha jotAM tarata ja irSyAthI saLagI mare che, tarata ja avaLI kalpanA karI le che. rAjAe sAva ja avaLI kalpanA karI lIdhI : cokkasa mArI patnIno A sAdhu sAthe saMbaMdha che. have A sAdhu jIvato rahI jAya e vAtamAM koi mAla nathI. rAjAe tarata ja mAro vadha karavAno Adeza ApI dIdho. rAjA eTalo badho bahAvaro banI gayo hato ke be miniTa vicAravA paNa thobhyo nahi, koine pUchyuM paNa nahi. rANIne to ThIka.. bIjA koine paNa pUchyuM nahi. rAjAe to mArAone sIdho Adeza ja ApI dIdho. jAo... pelA sAdhuDAnI cAmaDI UtaraDI lo. tame kahezo : A koi mAravAnI rIta che? mAravAnI AvI rIta kema pasaMda karI ? talavArathI DokuM paNa UDAvI zakata. bIjI rIte paNa mArI zakata. paNa AvI ghAtaka rIta kema pasaMda karI ? emAM paNa kAraNa che. meM pUrvabhavamAM evAM karma karelAM hatAM mATe rAjAne evI buddhi sUjhI. - pUrvanA koi eka bhavamAM huM zeTha hato. eka vakhate huM cIbhaDuM cholI rahyo hato. cappathI meM akhaMDa chAla utArIne kahyuM : joi mArI kaLA ? chAla kyAMya tUTI che ? AvuM tamane AvaDe ? te vakhate huM e bhUlI gayo ke cIbhaDuM paNa sajIva hoya che. mANasane cAmaDI utAratAM jeTaluM darda thAya teTaluM ja darda chAla utAratAM tene thAya ahIM mAre dilamAM darda rAkhavuM joituM hatuM, paNa meM to garva karyo : huM kevo hoMziyAra ? ekIsAthe akhaMDa chAla utArI lIdhI ! AvA vicArothI meM cIkaNA karma bAMdhyA. e ja karmo atyAre udayamAM AvyA. zeTha te huM aMdhaka muni banyo ne peluM cIbhaDuM te rAjA banyuM. meM chAla utArI hatI, teNe A bhavamAM mArI cAmaDI utarAvI ! Atma kathAo * 115 Atma kathAo * 114

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mANasanA jIvanamAM du:kha Ave che te bIjA koinA kAraNe nahi, potAnA ja kAraNe, potAnA ja karmonA kAraNe. Ama joie to A bahu khoTuM thayuM. paNa khUba ja dIrghadRSTithI joie to lAgaze ke bahu ja sAruM thayuM. jo mane AvuM maraNAnta kaSTa na AvyuM hota to mArI dhyAnanI dhArA tIvra banata ? mane kevaLajJAna ane mokSa maLata ? mArA mokSa pachI paNa zuM thayuM ? te juo. lohI ane mAMsathI lathapatha zarIra tyAM ja paDyuM rahyuM. mAro ogho muhapattI vagere paNa mAMsathI lathapatha thai gayA. oghAne mAMsano loco samajI eka samaDIe UThAvyo ne e ogho rANInA jharukhAmAM paDyo. rANI tarata ja oLakhI gai : arere... A to mArA bhAi mahArAjano ja ogho ! nakkI koie mArA bhAi mahArAjanI hatyA karI che. te dhrusakedhrusake rovA lAgI. rAjAne paNa sAcI vAtanI khabara paDatAM pazcAttApa thayo. rAjA ane rANIe vairAgya vAsita banI dIkSA lIdhI. tapa karI Atmazuddhi karI kevaLajJAna pAmyA ane Akhare parama-padamAM birAjamAna thayA. Atma kathAo . 0 116 (17) huM acUMkArI bhaThThA Ama to mAruM nAma hatuM : bhaTTA, paNa loko mane aphUMkArI bhaTTA tarIke oLakhe. vAta ema banelI ke mArA mAtA-pitAnI huM khUba ja lADakI hatI. ATha bhAi pachI huM janmelI hatI, eTale lADakI ja houM ne ? sAmAnya rIte mANasa putrInA janma vakhate AnaMdita nathI thato... are ghaNIvAra to evuM bane ke mA-bApa ja bALakIne dUdha-pItI' karI nAkhe. dIkarI eTale duHkhano bhaMDAra ! dIkarI eTale sApano bhAro ! eka prAkRta - subhASitakAre to tyAM sudhI lakhI dIdhuM : "jIvakRpiyA Tuttio Ai' dIkarIno pitA haMmeza du:khI ja hoya ! dIkarIne paraNAvatAM pahelAM to duHkhI hoya ja, paraNAvyA pachI paNa kaMika ne kaMika upAdhi UbhI ja hoya. mATe ja kanyAne upAdhinuM poTaluM samajIne mANasa teno 'nikAla' karI deto hoya che. tamAre tyAM Aje garbha-parIkSaNa ATalA mATe ja thAya che ne ? khabara paDI jAya ke garbha bALakIno che, eTale tarata ja 'nikAla' ! bicArI strI ! vagara vAMke mAnava-bhava hArI jAya ! paNa huM e arthamAM bhAgyazALI hatI. ghaNA-ghaNA aramAno pachI huM janmelI hatI. mArA mAtA-pitA to mane sAkSAt lakSmI ja gaNatA. mArA pitAe to badhAne kaDaka sUcanA ApelI : khabaradAra ! koie AnI sAme cUM paNa karyuM che to ! mArI sAme koi phUMkAro paNa karatuM nahi. AthI mAruM nAma paDyuM : 'aphUMkArI bhaTTA !' premano abhAva bALakanA vikAsane gUMgaLAvI nAkhe che, tema atizaya prema paNa bALakane bagADI nAkhe che. varasAdanA abhAve dukALa paDe che, tema atizaya varasAdathI paNa lIlo dukALa paDato rahe che. mArA para premanI ativRSTi thai rahI hatI, tema kahuM to khoTuM nahi gaNAya. badhAya mane lADa laDAve, badhAya mane salAma bhare, badhAya mAruM kahyuM kare eTale huM atyaMta ahaMkArI, svakendrita banI gai. mane ema ja lAgavA mAMDyuM : AkhI duniyA mArA mATe ja banI che. vizva Atma kathAo - 117

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AkhuMya mArI AsapAsa cakkara lagAve che, kendramAM huM ja chuM, atizaya puSTa thayelo ahaMkAra AvuM ja zIkhave ne ? huM bhaNI-gaNIne moTI thai tyAre mAruM rUpa soLe kaLAe khIlI UThyuM. huM eTalI rUpALI hatI ke bahAra nIkaLatI, tyAre yuvako mArI sAme Tagara-Tagara joi rahetA. badhA mArI sAthe vAta karavA utsuka rahetA, paNa huM ema kAMi sastI thoDI hatI ? huM to hatI vaTano kaTako ! mArA pitAjIe to nakkI ja kareluM : je bhaTTAnI badhI vAta mAnavA taiyAra hoya, bhaTTInuM kahyuM karanAra hoya, tenI ja sAthe bhaTTAne paraNAvavI ! joyuM ? atizaya prema keTalo khataranAka hoya che ? mAtA-pitA ema mAnatA hoya che ke, khUba ja prema karIne ame bALakanuM puSkaLa hita karIe chIe, ene jarAya takalIpha paDavA detA nathI. paNa AvA mA-bApane bhUlI jatA hoya che ke, tamAro atizaya prema ja bALaka mATe jhera banI jato hoya che. AthI saMtAno bagaDI jatA hoya che. je bALaka nAnapaNamAM koi ja duHkha vekyuM nathI hotuM, te moTo thaine duHkhathI Darato ja rahevAno ! thoDAke du:khanI kalpanA mAtrathI te dhrujI UThavAno ! jIvanathI hatAza thai javAno ! tame jaMgalanA jhADa ane bagIcAnA jhADa vacce taphAvata joyo che ? bhayaMkara vAvAjhoDuM Ave toya jaMgalI jhADa aDIkhama rahe che, ne bagIcAnA papaiyA vagerenA jhADo paDI jAya che, Ama kema thAya che ? jaMgalanA jhADoe pANInI zodhamAM potAnA mULa UMDe sudhI javA dIdhA hoya che, jyAre papaiyA vagerenA jhADane to mALI roja pANI pAya che, vinA takalIphe pANI maLatuM rahe che, AthI mULIyA upara ja rahe che. pariNAme, jarAka vAvAjhoDuM ane papaiyuM dharAzAyI ! duHkha ane takalIpho vacce ucharelA saMtAno jaMgalanA vaDa vagere jhADa jevAM hoya che, atyaMta lADakoDamAM UcharelA saMtAno papaiyA jevAM hoya che. paNa bALaka pratyenA mohamAM ghelA banelA mAtA-pitAone A vAta kyAMthI samajAya ? eka vakhate nagaranA maMtrInI najara mArA para paDI gai. huM emanA manamAM vasI gai. mArA pitAjI pAse mAruM mAthuM mUkyuM. maMtrI jevo jamAi maLe pachI koNa nA pADe ? paNa toya mArA pitAjI jarAya utAvaLA Atma kathAo * 118 na thayA. maMtrIne spaSTa kahI dIdhuM : "huM to mArI lADakIne enI sAthe ja paraNAvavA mAMgu chuM, je enI badhI AjJA mAne, enuM kahyuM kare. bolo, tame taiyAra cho ?" maMtrIzvara mArI pAchaLa eTalA mugdha banelA hatA ke, AvI vAta paNa svIkArI lIdhI, je sAmAnya rIte koi paNa marda puruSa svIkAre nahi. raMgecaMge mArA lagna thayA. thoDA divaso to sArI rIte pasAra thayA. eka-be vAra mArA pati rAtre moDA AvyA. mane lAgyuM : have mAre mAro vaTahukama bajAvavo joie.. ane vaLate ja dahADe meM dhaDAko karI dIdho : jo tamAre mAro prema joito hoya to sUryAsta pahelAM ghera AvI javuM. jo A vacanano bhaMga thayo che to pariNAma sAruM nahi Ave. mArA patie nIcI mUMDIe mArI vAta svIkArI lIdhI. vAsanAnA gulAme strInA gulAma thaine ja rahevuM paDe ! vaLI, mArA pati to zaratathI baMdhAyelA hatA. eTale mArI vAta mAnye ja chUTako hato ! have roja teo sUryAsta pahelAM ja ghera AvI javA lAgyA. huM manomana khuza thavA lAgatI ! mAro ahaM puSTa banato rahyo. manomana huM mArA vaTane vakhANatI : vAha ! huM kevI ? AkhuM nagara je maMtrIne salAma bhare, te mANasa mArI rajeraja AjJA svIkAre, huM kevI prabhAvazALI ? rAjA paNa jenI sAthe maMtraNA kare, jenI vAta svIkAre, e maMtrIne huM TacalI AMgaLIe nacAvuM. koNa kahe che ke huM abaLA chuM? mane abaLA kahenArA ja nabaLA che. teoe haju mArI aMdara chupAyelI kaLA jANI nathI. bAkI, jeo amArI (strIonI) kaLA jANe, teo amane kadI 'abaLA" nahi kahe. eka divasa sUryAsta thayo chatAM mArA pati na AvyA. be-traNa kalAka vItyA, chatAM na AvyA. mAruM magaja phaTakyuM. meM daravAjA baMdha karI dIdhA. manamAM nakkI karI nAkhyuM : Aje to "camatkAra' batAvavo ja paDaze, jethI bIjIvAra AvuM na thAya. camatkAra batAvyA vinA kyAM koi sIdhuM cAle che ? camatkAra tyAM namaskAra ! Atma kathAo * 119

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cAra-pAMca kalAka pachI bAraNe TakorA paDyA. avAja Avyo : 'daravAjo khola.' huM samajI gai : A patino ja avAja che. paNa have huM kAMi daravAjo kholuM ? 'bhalI thA ane daravAjo khola. huM moDo Avyo temAM mAro doSa nathI. rAjAe mane rokI rAkhyo to huM zuM karI zakuM ? parAdhIna mANasa para A rIte gusso na karAya. jarA DAhI thA.' paNa huM kAMi DAhI thAuM ? kharekhara to mArA patine (maMtrIne) rAjAe jANIne rokyA hatA. maMtrI roja vahelA-vahelA ghera kema jatA rahetA hatA, te rAjA jANI gayo hato. mATe ja ramUja khAtara AvuM karyuM hatuM. paNa huM to AvuM kazuM ja vicAravA taiyAra hotI. rAjA, bALaka ane yogInI haThanI jema strInI haTha paNa bhayaMkara hoya che. sAmAnya strI paNa potAnI haTha na mUke to huM zAnI mUkuM ? huM to vaTano pahADa! mArA patie bAraNAM bahu khaTakhaTAvyA eTale meM daravAjo kholyo to kharo, paNa emanI najara cUkavIne huM bhAgI nIkaLI. AgaLa-pAchaLano koi ja vicAra karyA vinA huM cAlI ja nIkaLI. gussAnI Aga sAce ja khataranAka hoya che. tame kalpanA to karo : madharAte aMdhArAmAM yuvAna strI dAgInA paherIne ekalI bahAra nIkaLe to zuM thAya ? tame je kalpI zako cho, e ja mArA jIvanamAM ghaDyuM. mane coroe pakaDI lIdhI. mane teo potAnA mAlika pallIpati pAse lai gayA. pallIpatine joine huM to dhrujI UThI. kALuM bhammara bharAvadAra zarIra ! kALuM eTale kevuM kALuM ? jANe kolasA para tela copaDyuM hoya tevuM ! lIMbunA phADa jevI moTI-bihAmaNI AMkho ! bhUMDa jevA UbhA vALa ! enI AMkhomAM mane vikAranA sApolIyA ramatA dekhAyA. huM atyAre asahAya dazAmAM hatI, chatAM svastha UbhI rahI. - pallIpatie mAro hAtha pakaDavA prayatna karyo. phaTa... karatI huM dUra bhAgI gai. tenI icchA huM samajI gai. tene spaSTa rIte kahI dIdhuM : Atma kathAo * 120 mahAnubhAva ! sAMbhaLI lo. tame mArA jIvatA mAro sparza nahi karI zako, jo tame koi evo prayatna karavA gayA to samajI lejo ke mArI lAza ja tamArA hAthamAM Avaze.' mArI zauryabharI vANI sAMbhaLI pallIpati dhrujI UThyo. tame evuM na mAnatA ke huM krodhI ahaMkArI hatI, eTale kulaTA paNa hovAnI. nA... rakhe evuM mAnatA. zIlA e to mAruM sarvasva hatuM. badhuM lUMTAvA daine paNa huM zIla-rakSA karavA tatpara hatI. zIla mATe huM prANonuM balidAna ApavA taiyAra hatI. zIla gayA pachI jIvatarano artha zuM ? zIla e ja prANa che. e gayA pachI rahyuM zuM? mArI A dRDha mAnyatA hatI. meM pallIpatine zIlanA mahimA viSe eka vAta kahI. koNa jANe kema ? paNa e vArtAno enA para evo prabhAva paDyo ke mane eNe zIla rakSA mATe abhayadAna ApyuM. teNe mane eka mANasane veMcI dIdhI. hA... huM pazunI jema veMcAi ! teNe vaLI barbara kuLanA koi mANasane veMcI. barbara kuLamAM mane trAsa paDavA zarU thayA : e mANase zarU-zarUmAM to mane patnI banAvavAnA ghaNA prayAso karyA, paNa huM ekanI be na thai, eTale ene joradAra dAjha caDI. mArA zarIramAMthI lohI kADhI-kADhIne kapaDAM raMgavA lAgyo. manuSyanA zarIramAMthI lohI kADhI kapaDAM raMgavAno teno dhaMdho hato ! roja mArA zarIramAMthI lohI kADhe ane roja mArA ghA auSadhithI rUjhavI de ! huM divase-divase dubaLI thavA lAgI. mane eNe ghaNI vAra kahyuM : 'tuM jo mArI patnI bane to A duHkhothI hamaNAM ja choDI dauM !' paNa meM suMvALo lapasaNo mArga pasaMda na karyo, huM to kAMTAnI keDI para ja cAlavA lAgI. marI javAnI paNa mArI taiyArI hatI, tyAM lohI kADhavAnI vedanAnI to vAta ja kyAM ? mArA hRdayamAM vizvAsa hato : dareka rAtanA aMte prabhAta Ave che. dareka pAnakharanA aMte vasaMta Ave che. dareka duHkhanA aMte sukha Ave che. koinA duHkho kadI evA to nathI ja hotA ke, jeno kadI cheDo ja na Ave ! Atma kathAo * 121

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kharekhara mArI AzA phaLI. eka divasa mAro bhAi indradatta vepAra mATe tyAM AvI caDyo. mArA tarapha tenI najara caDI. jo ke huM khUba ja durbaLa thai gayelI hovAthI mane tarata ja oLakhI zakyo nahi, paNa thoDI ja vAramAM tene lAiTa thai : oha! A to mArI ja bena ! keTalAya vakhatathI khovAi gayelI... ! zodhavA mATe AkAza-pAtALa eka karelA, paNa kyAMya maLI nahi, ame to AzA ja choDI dIdhI. zodhavAnA prayatno paNa lagabhaga choDI dIdhA. paNa kudaratanuM gaNita akaLa hoya che. jyAM tamArA prayAsa chuTI jAya che, tyAM ja tamane ghaNIvAra iSTanI prApti thai jatI hoya che. mAro bhAi mArI pAse AvI pahoMcyoM. meM mArI karuNa kathanI kahI saMbhaLAvI. ame baMne dhrusake dhrusake raDI paDyA. amAruM rudana harSa-zokathI mizrita hatuM. duHkha paDyuM tenuM duHkha hatuM, milana thayuM teno AnaMda hato. mAro bhAi mane pitAjInI pAse lai gayo. mArA patine A samAcAra maLatAM ja teo mane levA AvyA. mane to ema ke have mArA pati mArI sAmuM paNa nahi jue. mArA jevI krodhamukhI - kALamukhI - jvALAmukhIne koNa bolAve ? paNa mArA patino mArA para anahada prema hato, akRtrima sneha hato. jyAM sneha hoya che tyAM doSo hoya to paNa dekhAtA nathI. prema ja evuM aMjana che, je AMkhamAM AMjo to prema-pAtranA doSo kadI dekhAya ja nahi. A ja premano vyApa vadhato jAya, AkhA vizva para prema phelAi jAya to koinA paNa doSo dekhAya kharA? koinA para paNa gusso Ave kharo ? joyuM ? have huM tamane - upadeza ApavA lAgI gai. gAMDI sAsare jAya nahi ne DAhIne zIkhAmaNa Ape ! paNa anubhave huM zIkhI chuM ke gusso karavo e koi DahApaNanuM kAma nathI. gusso karavAthI bIjAne nukazAna thAya ke na thAya, paNa gusso karanArane potAne to nukazAna thAya ja thAya. sApa ane vIMchInA jhera karatAM paNa gussAnuM jhera khataranAka che. sApa ke vIMchImAM raheluM jhera tene potAne mAratuM nathI, jyAre krodhanuM jhera saMgharanArane potAne ja khatama karI nAkhe che. potAne nukazAna kare evo sodo kayo DAhyo vepArI kare ? Atma kathAo * 122 mane krodhanA kaDavA vipAka anubhavavA maLyA hatA. jo ke AvA vipAko jarUrI hatA. nahi to huM kadAca kadI paNa zIkhI zakata nahi ke krodha khataranAka che. jIvanabhara huM krodhamukhI raheta. mAruM samagra jIvana krodhanI AgamAM khAkha banI jAta. bIjA mANaso tamane krodha na karavA mATe lAkha upadeza Ape, paNa kadAca tamAro krodha nahi jAya. paNa tame svayaM jyAre anubhavo ke gussAthI mane ja nukazAna thai rahyuM che. krodha e to Aga che. bIjAne to bALatAM bALaze, paNa jyAM utpanna thayelI haze te lAkaDAne to sau prathama bALaze. jo tame svayaM A rIte juo ane anubhavo to mArI jema A ja paLe gussAno tyAga karI do. mATe ja tame kaho cho ne ? AtmA sudhare to ApathI, nahi to sagA bApathI paNa nahi. mArA pati mane levA AvyA. emanA AvA naisargika premathI huM atyaMta prabhAvita banI gai. have meM nakkI karI lIdhuM hatuM. gusso kadI karavo nahi. pati para kadI hukamo choDavA nahi. UlaTuM patinI dareka AjJA premapUrvaka svIkAravI. have huM atyaMta kSamAzIla banI gai hatI. mArA svabhAvamAM AvelA parivartanathI badhA Azcarya sAthe AnaMda anubhavavA lAgyA. have gharanA vAtAvaraNamAM parivartana AvyuM. pahelAM gharanA nokaro mArAthI tharathara dhrUjatA, mane jotAM ja kyAMka ADA-avaLA thai javA prayatna karatA. kadAca kAma karavuM paDe to parANe karatA... have teo mArA kahyA vinA ja suMdara rIte kAma karavA lAgyA. mArI pAse nikhAlasatAthI vAto karavA lAgyA. mAtra nokaro ja nahi, snehI-svajanomAM paNa A rIte ja parivartana AvI gayuM. pahelAM teo kadI mArI najare caDatA nahi, caDI jAya to jhaTapaTa bhAgavA mathatA, paNa have huM joI rahI hatI ke badhA mane premapUrvaka cAhI rahyA che. pahelAM huM mAnatI ke krodha to joie ja. krodha vinA to badhA mAthe caDhI bese. sAva ThaMDA-ThaMDA besI rahIe to loko ApaNA mAthA para rasto Atma kathAo * 123

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banAvI le ! aMgArA dhagadhagatA hoya che tyAM sudhI koi tene aDavAnI hiMmata paNa nathI karatuM, paNa e jyAre bujhAine rAkha banI jAya che tyAre nAnI bebalI paNa tenA para paga mUkIne cAlI jAya che. krodha vagarano mANasa to rAkha jevo che. e badhAne potAnA para paga mUkavA hAthe karIne AmaMtraNa Ape che. krodha vagarano mANasa to sAva napuMsaka che. ene koi sAMbhaLatuM nathI, eno koI prabhAva paDato nathI. ApaNe to jIvavuM to 'dAdA' thaine jIvavuM, rAkha banIne zA mATe ? aMgArA-dhagadhagatA aMgArA banIne jIvavuM ! koi aDI to jue ! A hatI mArI mAnyatA; paNa have mane samajAyuM hatuM ke mArI e mAnyatA taddana khoTI hatI. krodhathI kAma thatuM hatuM, tenA karatAM kSamAthI kai gaNuM vadhAre thai jatuM hatuM, te paNa koI ja prayatna vinA ! karanAra paNa AnaMdathI kAma karato, premapUrvaka rahetA. have mane samajAyuM hatuM ke krodhathI mAruM kAma thAya che - evuM je huM mAnatI - te naryo bhrama hato. krodhathI nahi, paNa puNyodayathI mAruM kAma thatuM. puNya na hoya to mAtra krodhathI kAMi na vaLe. paNa te vakhate mane puNyodaya dekhAto nahi. huM krodhane ja saphaLatA ApanAra mAnatI. have mane spaSTa samajaNa maLI hatI. krodhanI heyatA barAbara samajAi hatI. AthI ja kSamAnA madhura phaLo paNa mane pratyakSa maLavA lAgyA. eka vakhate kasoTIno prasaMga AvI caDyo. vAta ema banI ke mAre tyAM be sAdhu mahArAja vahoravA AvyA... paNa emaNe roTalI-zAka vagere kAMi na mAgatAM lakSapAka tela mAMgyuM. kAraNamAM jaNAvyuM ke amArA eka sAdhu mahArAja gAma bahAra kAyotsarga dhyAnamAM rahelA hatA tyAre acAnaka ja AgathI dAjhI gayA che. temanA upacAra mATe lakSapAka telanI jarUra che. mArI kyAM nA hatI ? sAdhu mahArAjanI sevAno Avo suMdara moko maLe kyAMthI ? meM dAsI pAsethI lakSapAka telano ghaDo maMgAvyo. dAsI levA aMdara gai. dhaDAke... avAja thayo. meM joyuM ke dAsInA hAthamAMthI lakSapAka telano ghaDo paDI gayo hato. phUTI gayo hato, tela nIce DhoLAi gayuM hatuM. mane enI leza phIkara thai nahIM. dAsI vilakhI paDI gai. ene Atma kathAo * 124 ema ke Aje zeThANInI kamAna chaTakI samajo. paNa huM kAMi gusso karuM ? meM kahyuM : tuM ciMtA na kara. e to hoya. phUTI jAya. mANasa paNa kSaNamAM marI jAya to bicAro mATIno ghaDo phUTe temAM navAi zI ? jA, bIjo ghaDo lai Ava, paNa saMbhALIne lAvaje. dAsI pharI aMdara gaI ! dhaDAma... pharI avAja Avyo. mArA Azcarya sAthe pharI ghaTo phUTyo hato. mane samajAyuM nahi. AvI kuzaLa dAsI AvuM kema kare che ? enA hAthe nAnakaDI cIja paNa kyAreya paDatI ke phUTatI meM kadI joi nathI. Aje Ama kema ? paNa hoya... kyAreka phUTI paNa jAya, bIjI vAra paNa phUTe. meM pharIthI trIjI vAra dAsIne ghaDo atyaMta kALajIpUrvaka lAvavA kahyuM. paNa re, trIjI vakhata paNa e ja bhUlanuM punarAvartana ! have tame ja kaho mArA jevIno krodha jhAlyo rahe kharo ? lakSapAke telane tame sAmAnya nahi samajatA. eka ghaDAnI kiMmata eka lAkha sonAmahora thAya. traNa-traNa lAkha sonAmahoranuM nukazAna thAya ane mArA jevI zAMta rahe, e tame kalpI zako kharA ? tame kalpo ke na kalpo, paNa e hakIkata hatI ke huM zAMta, saMpUrNa zAMta rahI. dAsI para saheja paNa gusso na Avyo, paNa mane mArI jAtane ja Thapako ApavAnuM mana thayuM : re jIva ! sAdhu bhagavaMta tAre ghera Ave ane tuM dAsIne hukama kare che ? tuM pote ja ghaDo lAve to zuM vAMdho che ? zuM tAruM zeThANIpaNuM jatuM rahevAnuM che ? - have cothIvAra huM pote ja ghaDo levA gai. sAvadhAnIpUrvaka lAvI ane muni bhagavaMtane vahorAvyuM. mane thayuM joyuM? mANasa sAvadhAnIpUrvaka lAve to ghaDo thoDo phUTe ? mAro ghaDo kyAM phUTyo ? (kharekhara to mArA zIlanA prabhAvathI ghaDo phUTyo nahoto.) 'bena ! tamArA traNa-traNa ghaDA tUTI gayA, tamane amArA nimitte keTaluM nukazAna thayuM ? have dAsI para gusso nahi karatA." vahoravA AvanAra muni bhagavaMte mane kahyuM. are gurudeva ! A zuM bolyA ? nukazAna ? zAnuM nukazAna ? Atma kathAo * 125

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- (18) huM arjunabhALI zake ApanI sevA mATe je karavuM paDe temAM lAbha ja lAbha che. Apa dAsI para gusso karavAnI nA pADo cho, paNa huM Ameya gusso karavAnI ja nathI. gussAnuM phaLa meM anubhavyuM che. have gusso zAnI karuM ? AgamAM ekavAra dAjhayA pachI bIjI vAra emAM koNa hAtha nAkhe ?' mAruM A vAkya pUruM thatAM ja mArI bAjumAM eka dedIpyamAna tejovaskula pedA thayuM. meM joyuM to eka tejasvI deva Ubho hato. hAtha joDIne teNe mane kahyuM : bhaTTA ! tuM kharekhara bhAgyazALI che. tArI kSamA adbhuta che ! tArI zAMti anupama che ! indra mahArAjAe sudharmAsabhAmAM tArI kSamAnI prazaMsA karelI eTale mane parIkSA karavAnuM mana thayuM. sAce ja indra jevI prazaMsA karI tevI ja, are, tethI paNa vadhu kSamA meM tArAmAM joi. tArA lakSapAkanA traNa ghaDA meM ja phoDyA hatA. have, bola. tAre zuM joie ? huM tArA para prasanna chuM. meM koi paNa vastunI icchA darzAvI nahi. AthI deva vadhu khuza thayo. traNeya ghaDA pUrvavat karI ApyA ane suvarNamudrAonI vRSTi karIne deva svasthAne gayo. pelA muni bhagavaMtoe lakSapAka telathI dAjhelA munino upacAra karyo. muni svastha thayA. huM rAjI thai. kSamAnI A parIkSAmAMthI huM pasAra thaI. pachI paNa meM kSamA kadI choDI nahi. ghaNIvAra mANasa parIkSAmAM pAsa thai gayA pachI tad viSayaka udyama choDI deto hoya che. parIkSAmAM pAsa thai gayA pachI vidyArthI prAyaH vAMcavAnuM choDI deto hoya che, paNa huM tevI nahotI. meM to kSamAne mAro svabhAva banAvI dIdho hato. mArI kSamA koine batAvavA mATe nahi, paNa svayaM mATe hatI. mArI dAstAna sAMbhaLIne tame krodhane choDI dezo ne ? je bIjAnA anubhavathI zIkhe te uttama ! potAnA anubhavathI zIkhe te madhyama ! potAnA anubhavathI paNa (vAraMvAra Thokara khAvA chatAM paNa) na zIkhe te adhama ! tamAro naMbara kyAM ? vicArI lejo. huM mALI, bagIcAmAM majethI kAma karyuM ane lahera karuM. mAruM nAma arajaNa, paNa "arajaNa' kahIza to tame mane nahi oLakho, "arjanamALI'. kahIza to oLakhazo. kharuM ne ? eka vakhate evo banAva banyo ke mArA sukhI jIvanamAM Aga lAgI gai, mAruM jIvana veraNa-cheraNa banI gayuM. huM bagIcAmAM rahelA yakSanA maMdirano pUjArI paNa hato. mArI patnI bahu rUpALI hatI. mANaso rUpALI patnI mATe khUba ja jhaMkhatA hoya che, paNa rUpALI patnI ja ghaNIvAra bhayaMkara ApattinuM kAraNa banI jatI hoya che. mATe to nItizAstro kahe che : "mAya rUpavato zatraH' rUpALI patnI zatrurUpa che ! eka vakhata maMdiramAM cha coro AvyA. mArI rUpALI patnI joi ne temanI buddhi bagaDI. mane maMdiranA thAMbhalA sAthe muzkeTATa bAMdhI badhA kramazaH mArI strI sAthe vilAsa karavA lAgyA. huM A dezya joi dhUMApUMA thai gayo. paNa zuM karuM ? lAcAra hato. mane mAro yakSa yAda Avyo. enI sahAyatA levA prArthanA karavA mAMDI. mANasanI potAnI tAkAtanI maryAdA AvI jAya eTale e daivika baLane jhaMkhe ja. paNa jANe mArI prArthanA yakSe sAMbhaLI ja nahi. huM ekadama gusse bharAyo : "o yakSa ! huM rAta-divasa tArI pUjA karuM ane tuM mane muzkelI vakhate madada nahi kare ? zuM kAmanI tArI pUjA ! have to ahIMthI chuTIza ke tarata ja tArI mUrtinA TukaDe-TukaDA karI ukaraDAmAM pheMkI daiza. je yakSa avasare kAma na lAge te zuM kAmano ?' mArA A AkrozanI yakSa para ekadama asara thai. hA... keTalAka devone kAkalUdI karIe to kAMi asara na thAya, paNa dhamakI ApIe to ekadama asara thAya. yakSe tarata ja mArA zarIramAM praveza karyo. mArAmAM addabhuta tAkAta AvI. eka ja kSaNamAM doraDA toDI pADI hAthamAM mugara lai huM coro tarapha dhasI gayo. coro bhAge ke kAMi Atma kathAo * 127 Atma kathAo * 126

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pratikAra kare enA pahelAM to huM mugara laine maMDI paDyo. jota-jotAmAM chayene vadherI nAMkhyA. mAro gusso haju zAMta thayo nahoto. patnI para paNa mane gusso caDyo : harAmakhora ! coroe tArA para baLAtkAra karyo e kharI vAta paNa te koi pratikAra kema na karyo ? tArI paNa mUka saMmati hatI ja ne ? le... tane paNa pUrI karI nAkhyuM. meM patnIne paNa pUrI karI nAMkhI. have huM mANasa nahoto rahyo, rAkSasa banI gayo hato. roja cha puruSa ane eka strInI hatyA na karuM tyAM sudhI mane cena na paDe. huMye zuM karuM? huM lAcAra banI gayo hato. mArA zarIramAM peThelo yakSa nacAve tema huM nAcato hato. mArI ceSTA mArA niyaMtraNathI bahAra jatI rahI hatI. - AkhA rAjagRhamAM mArA nAmano evo AtaMka chavAi gayo ke jyAM sudhI loko samAcAra na sAMbhaLe ke "sAtanI hatyA thai gai che tyAM sudhI koi gharathI bahAra nIkaLe nahi. AkhuM rAjagRha nagara mArAthI 'trAhimAm' pokAratuM thai gayuM. mane pakaDavAnA ke bAMdhavAnA temanA koi prayatno kAma lAgyA nahi. lAge paNa kyAMthI ? kAraNa ke daivI zaktie mArAmAM praveza karelo hato. eka vakhate bhagavAna zrI mahAvIradeva rAjagRhI nagarImAM padhAryA. vasaMta Ave ne dharatI khIlI UThe tema bhagavAnanuM padArpaNa thatAM bhavya jIvonAM hRdaya khIlI UThyAM... paNa mArA AtaMkavAdanA sAmrAjyamAM konI tAkAta che ke koi gharathI paNa bahAra nIkaLI zake ? bhagavAna jevA bhagavAna padhArelA hovA chatAM koi dezanA sAMbhaLavA javAnI hiMmata karI zakyuM nahi. hA... eka mANase hiMmata karI. enuM nAma sudarzana. bhAre sattvazALI mANasa. e dezanA sAMbhaLavA nIkaLyo tyAre ghaNA lokoe tene aTakAvyo : 'alyA, maravA zuM kAma jAya che ?' 'bhagavAnanI dezanA sAMbhaLavA jatAM mota Avaze to paNa mane paravA nathI, bAkI huM dezanA sAMbhaLavA to javAno, javAno ne javAno ! motanA bhayathI gharamAM pUrAi rahevuM enA karatAM sattvazALI banI motane Atma kathAo * 128 bheTavuM lAkha darajju sAruM che ! bhagavAna mArA nagaramAM padhAre ne huM temanI dezanA sAMbhaLavA na jAuM! e kadI paNa banI zake nahi.' sudarzanano Avo hiMmatabharyo javAba tenI sattvazIlatAno paricAyaka hato. enuM dezanA sAMbhaLavA javuM - ane mAruM rastAmAM maLavuM thayuM. khalAsa... huM to mugara laine doDyo. haju sAtanI hatyA pUrI thai na hatI. huM samajyo ke mane joine UbhI pUMchaDIe bhAgaze... paNa A to koi judI ja mATIno mAnavI hato. e to ekadama svasthatApUrvaka Ubho rahI gayo. tame jene kAyotsarga kaho cho, e ja mudrAmAM te Ubho rahI gayo ane manomana potAno mahApavitra maMtra gaNavA lAgyo. mahApavitra maMtra kayo ? tame to jANI ja gayA hazo ? navakArane koNa nathI jANatuM ? jyAM bAjumAM pahoMcyo tyAM ja jabaradasta camatkAra sarjAyo. enA sattvapUrNa teja pUMjathI huM abhibhUta banI gayo. mArI aMdara rahelo yakSa to e teja pUMjane sahana ja na karI zakyo. e to mane mUkIne bhAgyo ane A bAju mAruM bhAgya palaTAi gayuM. huM vicAramAM paDI gayo : mArA hAthamAM mugara kema che ? huM kone mAravA doDI rahyo chuM? zA mATe mAruM chuM? atyAra sudhImAM mane pahelI ja vAra AvA vicAro AvyA. kAraNa ke atyAra sudhI huM parAdhIna hato. yakSanA izAre nAcato hato. hisApremI yakSa mArI pAsethI hiMsA karAvIne potAno AnaMda mANI rahyo hato. mane to A vAtano koi khyAla ja nahoto. huM behozImAM hato. mArA zarIramAMthI yakSa jatAM ja huM bhAnamAM Avyo. meM pUchyuM : 'tame koNa cho ?' 'huM sudarzana chuM.' kyAM jAva cho ?" bhagavAnanI vANI sAMbhaLavA.' mArA hAthamAM mugara kema che ?' 'AmAM tAro koi doSa nathI, badho yakSano doSa hato. yakSa to Atma kathAo * 129

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have nIkaLI gayo che eTale have tuM svastha thayo che. arjuna ! tane khyAla che tuM roja keTalI hatyA karato hato ?' nA... mane koi khyAla nathI.' 'tuM rojanI sAta hatyA karato hato.' 'hAya... hAya... huM Avo hatyAro ? arere... prabhu ! mAro uddhAra zI rIte thaze ? koi upAya che ? 'hA... darekano upAya hoya che ?' mArA jevA pApIno paNa ?' hA... pApIno paNa... pApIo mATe to dharma che. badhA ja yudhdhazALIo ane dharmAvatArI hoya to dharmanuM prayojana paNa zuM che ? paNa mane koNa pAvana banAvaze ?' 'tane, mane ane AkhI duniyAne pAvana banAvanArI hAlatI-cAlatI dharma-gaMgA ahIM AvelI che. cAla... ApaNe tyAM jaie ane pAvana thaie.' che.' e gaMgAmAM mane snAna karavA maLaze ?' gaMgA koinA bApanI nathI. hara koine ahIM snAna karavAnI chUTa 'mArA ahobhAgya.' 'to cAla... have mArI sAthe.' huM mArA pApothI dhrUjI UThyo hato. ghora pApo pratye mane tIvra pazcAttApa jAgyo hato. huM sudarzana zeThanI sAthe bhagavAnazrI mahAvIra devanI dezanAbhUmimAM gayo. oha ! zuM adbhuta dRzya hatuM ? karoDo candro paNa jhAMkhA paDe evuM prabhunuM adbhuta rUpa ! AjubAju vIMjhAtA cAmaro ! AkAzamAM vAgatI deva-duMdubhio ! jamIna para thatI sugaMdhI paMcaraMgI phUlonI vRSTi ! cAMdInA, sonAnA ane ratnanA traNa gaDho ! vacce UMcuM azoka vRkSa ! enI nIcenA siMhAsana para besIne dezanA ApatA bhagavAna ! oha ! zuM mIThI-madhuravANI ! sAMbhaLatAM ja bhUkha-thAka-tarasa badhuM ja bhUlAi jAya Atma kathAo - 130 evI mIThI vANI ! huM to dhanya-dhanya banI gayo. 'prabhu ! mane dIkSA Apazo ?' dezanAnA aMte meM prabhune pUchyuM. eka ja dezanAthI mAro AtmA badalAi cUkyo hato. viSaya-kaSAyamaya saMsArathI mane napharata jAgI hatI. AtmAnA anaMta aizvaryane pragaTAvavAnI adamya jhaMkhanA thai hatI. - badhA loko stabdhatAthI mane joi rahyA ne paramakRpALue mArA jevA pApIne paNa pravrajyA ApI. huM dhanya-dhanya banI gayo. have to meM ghora sAdhanA karavA mAMDI, ugra tapa karavA mAMDyo. ugra tapa vinA mArA pApa karmo koi hisAbe dhovAya tema na hatA. jeTalA tIvra pApo hoya, teTalI ja tIvra sAdhanA paNa karavI ja joie ne ? nahi to AtmA pApakarmamAMthI chUTe zI rIte ? meM tapazcaryAnI evI Aga pragaTAvI ke enI aMdara A ja janamanA nahi, paNa janama-janamanA mArA pApa-karmo khapI gayA. huM kevaLI banI gayo. pAmaramAMthI paramAtmA banI gayo. mane vicAra Ave che ke tame paNa mArA jevA ja nathI ? mArI jevI paristhiti hatI, tevI ja paristhiti tamArI nathI ? bhUtanA kAraNe huM roja sAtanI hatyA karato hato. tamArI aMdara paNa bhUta bharAyeluM ja che. mithyAtvanA bhUtanA kAraNe tame da22oja sAtanI hatyA nathI karatA ? 'kai sAta cIjonI hatyA karIe chIe ?' ema pUcho cho ? sAMbhaLo. pRthvIkAya, akAya, teukAya, vAukAya, vanaspati ane trasakAya - A cha kAyanI tame dararoja hatyA nathI karatA ? enI hatyA vinA tamArA saMsAranuM gADuM kyAM gabaDe ema che ? sAtamI cIja che : tamArI ja cetanA. enI paNa tame hatyA karo ja cho. tamArI zuddha cetanAne tame dararoja haNI rahyA cho ane vibhAvamAM mahAlI rahyA cho. meM mArI potAnI ja patnIne haNelI, tame paNa tamArI potAnI ja cetanAne haNI rahyA nathI ? hatyA to karIe chIe, paNa enAthI chUTavuM kema ? e ja tamAro prazna che ne ? mArA jIvanamAMthI eno paNa upAya maLI raheze. Atma kathAo 0 131

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. (19) huM sukozala mArAmAMthI yakSa (bhUta) bhAgyo tyAre mAruM ThekANuM paDyuM. barAbara ne ? paNa e bhUta bhAgyo kyAre ? mane sudarzana maLyo tyAre. tamane paNa sudarzana maLI jAya to tamAruM bhUta paNa bhAgI chUTe. sudarzana eTale samajyA ? "sudarzana' eTale 'samyagdarzana !" jene samyagdarzana maLe tenA AtmAmAMthI mithyAtvanA bhUte bhAgavuM ja paDe. mithyAtvanuM bhUta jAya eTale hiMsA jAya, bhagavAna maLe. hA... jene sudarzana (samyagdarzana) maLe tene mahAvIra prabhu avazya maLe ja. sudarzana' vinA kadI paNa "mahAvIra' maLatA nathI. kadAca maLI jAya to phaLatA nathI. samajI gayA ne ? kumAra avasthAmAM ja huM rAjA banI gayelo. ghaNIvAra pitAjI pAsethI rAjya meLavavA putroe khaTapaTa karavI paDe che, paNa mane to sAmethI ja pitAjIe rAjya ApeluM. ekavAra mArI dhAvamAtAne meM raDatI joi. meM pUchyuM : tuM kema raDe "rAjana ! kAMi kahevA jevuM nathI, chatAM Apane jANavAnI icchA ja hoya to huM kahI dauM. kahetAM pahelAM eka vAtano khulAso karI dauM ke, huM mArA duHkhanA kAraNe nathI raDatI, paNa mArA ane tamArA svAmInA apamAnathI rahuM chuM.' dhAvamAtAe raDatAM raDatAM kahyuM. mArA ane tamArA baMnenA svAmI vaLI koNa ? enuM apamAna koNe karyuM? zA mATe? kAMI samajAyuM nahi. mAMDIne vAta kare to khyAla Ave." sAMbhaLo, mahArAjA ! Apa je rIte Aje caturaMga baLathI suzobhita rAjyanA mAlika banyA cho, e kono prabhAva che ? e to jANatA ja hazo ! ApanA pitA kIrtidhare ja Apane rAjyagAdI ApIne svayaM dIkSA lIdhI che. ghaNA varSo bAda teo vihAra karatA-karatA Aje ApaNA sAketanagaramAM AvyA. paNa koNa jANe ApanI mAtAne zuM sUjhayuM ke, emaNe kIrtidhara munine apamAna karAvIne nagaramAMthI bahAra hAMkI kaDhAvyA che, te rIte emaNe ApanA pitAjInuM apamAna karyuM che. A samAcAra mane hamaNAM ja maLyA. huM A sAMbhaLatAM ja hataprabha banI gai. hInakuLamAM paNa na hoya, tevuM vartana ApaNA uttama kuLamAM ? e paNa patnI ja pati munine haDaselI mUke ? hada thai gai ! sanmAna na thAya to kAMi nahi, paNa kama se kama apamAna to na ja karavuM joie. ApaNA mAlikanuM AvuM apamAna thAya, e sahana thAya kharUM ? paNa huM eno pratikAra zI rIte karuM ? mAruM cAle paNa zuM? mAruM sAMbhaLe paNa koNa ? Atma kathAo * 133 Atma kathAo * 132

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raDavA sivAya mArI pAse bIjo koi ilAja nathI. mATe ja mArI AMkha AMsubhInI banI che." dhAvamAtAnI A vAta sAMbhaLIne huM stabdha banI gayo. eka patnI potAnA patinuM A rIte zA mATe apamAna kare ? zuM kAraNa haze ? koi gaMbhIra kAraNa vinA to koi ja AvuM kAma kare nahi ! haM. samajAyuM. kadAca evuM paNa bane ke, mArI mAtAne mAro Dara hoya. pitA muni kadAca nagaramAM Ave, huM vaMdana karavA jAuM, muni upadeza Ape, ane mArA manamAM vairAgya jAge, rAjya choDIne huM dIkSA lai lauM to enuM koNa ? kadAca A ja gaNatarIthI mAtAe AvuM geravartana karyuM haze. ThIka che, paNa mArAthI AvuM calAvI zakAya ja nahi. huM hamaNAM ja pitA muni pAse jAuM, kSamA mAMguM ane dharmopadeza sAMbhaLuM. huM e ja kSaNe pitA-mahArAjanI zodhamAM nIkaLI paDyo. jaMgalamAM cAre bAju tapAsa AdarI, paNa ema munirAja kyAMthI maLe ? moTA jaMgalamAM kayA vRkSa nIce rahelA hoya, zI khabara? paNa icchA hoya tyAM mArga maLI ja jAya. meM zodha cAlu rAkhI. Akhare huM saphaLa thayo. eka vRkSa nIce kAyotsarga dhyAne rahelA pitA muni meM joyA. huM AnaMdathI jhUmI UThyo. meM temanA caraNomAM prArthanA karI : "o gurudeva ! Apa to saMsArane saLagatuM ghara mAnI ene choDIne nIkaLI gayA, paNa mAro jarAya vicAra nA karyo ? saLagatA gharamAM mane zA mATe choDI dIdho ? bhagavad ! bhava-kUpamAM DUbelo chuM. mane dIkSAnA doraDA dvArA e kUvAmAMthI bahAra kADho." meM dIkSA mATe kIrtidhara munine vinaMtI karI. mane yogya jANI pitAmunie dIkSA ApI. mArI mAtAe huM dIkSA na lauM, e mATe ja mArA pitA munine nagaramAMthI hAMkI kaDhAvyA hatA, paNa toya meM dIkSA lIdhI ja. kharekhara to mAtAe Avo prayatna na karyo hota, to mane ATalo jaldI vairAgya pedA thAta, ke kema ? te savAla hato. mAtAnA avaLA prayatno paNa mArA mATe to savaLA ja banyA ! e rIte paNa mane e sahAyaka ja banyA. ghaNIvAra avaLI mUThInI kRpA paNa kalyANakArI banI jAya. e mATe mAre mAtAno AbhAra mAnavo joie. Atma kathAo * 134 mArI dIkSAnA samAcAra jyAre mArI mAtAne maLyA, tyAre te ekadama dhamadhamI UThI : hAya ! hAya ! A zuM thayuM ? huM karavA gai kaMsAra, paNa banI gaI thUlI ! kadAca meM koi ja prayatna na karyA hota, to mAro putra ATalI jaldI dakSA na leta. paNa Ane putra kahevAya ke paththara ? basa, mane pUchyA vinA emane ema ja dIkSA lai lIdhI ? kama se kama mArI rajA to levI joitI hatI. putre mAro to jarAya vicAra na karyo. zuM meM enA para koi ja upakAra nathI karyo ? e nAno hato, tyAre keTa-keTalA duHkho veThIne meM ene ucheryo hato ? A badhAnuM A ja phaLa ? mane nirAdhAra mUkIne e sAdhu banI jAya ? mAruM cAle to mArA e putrane hamaNAM ja batAvI dauM ! Ama eno mArA para roSa dhamadhamI UThyo. e bahAvarI banI. agAzI parathI eNe paDatuM mUkyuM. akALe ja jIvanano aMta ANI dIdho. svasthatAthI vicAravAne badale je AvezapUrvaka vicAre ane ene tarata ja amalamAM mUkI de, enuM AvuM ja pariNAma Ave ! akALe mota ! bhara bapore sUryAsta ! AvA avicArI lokone zuM kahevuM ! Avazagrasta lokone kevI rIte samajAvavA ? tamAro Aveza ja tamAro parama zatru che ema emane koNa kahe ? kahe to mAne koNa ? pahelAM kIrtidhara munine nagaramAMthI hAMkI kaDhAvyA, tyAre paNa Aveza hato. A pachI ApaghAta karyo, emAM paNa Aveza ja hato. rAgadveSa karatAM eno Aveza khUbaja khataranAka hoya che. AvezamAM karAyeluM koI paNa kArya viparIta pariNAma ApyA vinA rahetuM nathI. meM jyAre mArI mAtAnuM AvuM akALa mRtyu sAMbhaLyuM, tyAre mane bahu ja duHkha thayuM ke, bicArI ! akALe mRtyu pAmIne kyAM gai haze? mAnava-jIvana hArI to nahi gai hoya ne ! ame baMne pitA-putra AvI ghaTanAthI vadhu saMvega banyA ane vadhu ullasita hRdaye dharmanI ArAdhanA karavA lAgyA. eka vakhate ame eka mobbila (siddhAcala) nAmanA zreSTha parvatanI guphAmAM comAsuM rahyA. svAdhyAya ane dhyAnamAM ame magna hatA. eka vakhata varasAda baMdha thatAM zarada RtunA samayamAM ame guphAthI Atma kathAo * 135

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bahAra nIkaLyA, tyAM ja sAmethI dhasamasatI vAghaNa AvI. jANe sAkSAta mRtyunI dUtI doDatI AvI ! ame baMne ekadama sAvadhAna banI gayA. mRtyune vadhAvavA taiyAra thai gayA. muni to sadA svastha ja hoya, mRtyune paNa e mahotsava gaNe. pratyeka paLe e mRtyu mATe taiyAra ja hoya. sAco sAdhaka to mAne : kSaNe-kSaNe mRtyu AvI ja rahyuM che. je kSaNa gai te kSaNa ApaNA mATe marI gai. athavA to ema ja kaho, e kSaNa mATe ApaNe marI gayA. gai kAla gai. e mATe ApaNe marI gayA. jeTalo kALa gayo, teTalA kALa mATe ApaNe marI ja gayA chIe. bahu ja UMDANamAM joie, to janma-jIvana ane mRtyu atyAre paNa cAlI ja rahyA che. zvAsa levo te janma che. zvAsa dhAraNa karavo te jIvana che. zvAsa choDavo te mRtyu che. A cakra satata cAlatuM ja rahe che. mUDha jIva jIvananA TheTha chellA cheDAne ja mRtyu mAnI beTho che. AthI ja te bephikaro thai saMsAranA kAryomAM racyo-pacyo rahe che. jo ene pratyeka paLe mota dekhAya, to tarata ja dharma-mArge praveza thai jAya ! pratikSaNe jAgRta rahenAra prabuddha AtmA mRtyuthI kadI gabharAto nathI. e to motano satkAra karatAM kahe : Ava, pyArA mRtyudeva ! mane jUnAM kapaDAM utarAvIne, navA paherAva. jUnuM ghara choDAvIne navuM ghara Apa. jUnuM choDIne navuM vastra paheratAM mANasa AnaMda mAne che, tema yogI mRtyu samaye AnaMda pAme. ame baMne jarAya gabharAyA vagara saMpUrNa svasthatApUrvaka sAgArika anazana laine kAyotsargamAM UbhA rahI gayA. dRSTi nAsAgra para sthira karI. mana samAdhimAM lagAvyuM. vAghaNe ekadama mArA para tarApa lagAvI. mane dharatI para pachADI dIdho. mArA zarIramAMthI mAMsanA loce-locA kADhIne khAvA lAgI. zarIramAMthI lohIno vaNathaMbhyo pravAha vahevA lAgyo. bhayaMkara pIDA thavA lAgI. paNa kone ? zarIrane. huM kyAM zarIra hato ? huM to hato : saccidAnaMda AtmA ! AtmAnA saccidAnaMda svarUpamAM huM evo DUbI gayelo ke, zArIrika pIDA to mArAthI seMkaDo yojana dUra rahI gai. zarIra ane AtmA alaga che. evI mAtra mAnyatA nahotI, anubhUti hatI. je anubhUtinI kakSAmAM AvI jAya che, tevo sAdhaka dehane eka varasanI jema jue che. vastra phATatAM zarIrane kAMI duHkha thatuM nathI, tema zarIrane pIDA thatAM Atmika stara para pahoMcelA yogIne koi pIDA thatI nathI. e je rIte vastrane jue, tema pIDA sahana karatA potAnA zarIrane taTastha banIne joI zake che. huM to paLe paLe AtmapradezanA navA navA zikharo sara karI rahyo hato, AnaMdanI agamya sRSTi para mAruM uDDayana thai rahyuM hatuM. dhyAnanI evI jabaradasta Aga mArAmAM pragaTI hatI ke, kSaNe-kSaNe mArI aMdara rahelA janama-janamanA ekaThA thayelA karma baMdhano baLI rahyA hatA. ane ekadama ujjavala prakAzano mane anubhava thayo. jANe brahmAMDa AkhuM mArAmAM samAi gayuM hatuM athavA akhila brahmAMDamAM huM phelAi gayo hato. sUrya ane candra jANe mArI aMdara ghUme che. evI anubhUti mane thavA lAgI. hA, have huM sarvajJa / kevaLajJAnI banyo hato. kevaLajJAnanA prakAzamAM mane jaNAyuM ke, mArA para jIvaleNa humalo karanAra vAghaNa e bIjuM koI nahi, paNa mArI sagI mAM sahadevIno ja jIva hato. meM dIkSA lIdhI tyAre e mArA para gusse bharAi hatI. gussAnA e saMskAre ja mArA para humalo karyo hato. mane kevaLajJAnamAM e paNa pratibhAsita thayuM ke, have vAghaNa mArA mRtakane joze. mArA sonAnA dAMtane joi jAtismaraNa jJAna pAmaze ane putranI hatyA badala pastAvo karatI aMte anazana karaze ane svargalokamAM jaze. Atma kathAo * 136 Atma kathAo * 137

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- (0) huM caMDarudrAcArya mAruM nAma to hatuM rudrAcArya, paNa ema tame nahi oLakho. caMDarudrAcArya kahIza to jarUra oLakhazo. kharuM ne ? tame pUchazo : rudrAcAryamAMthI caMDarudrAcArya tame kema banI gayA ? mAre nikhAlasapaNe kahevuM paDaze ke huM khUba ja gussebAja hato. vAte-vAte mAro pitto phATI jato hato. mAro koi ziSya kaMika ADuM avaLuM kare e mArAthI jovAtuM nahi. huM tarata ja, badhAnI vacce ja tene Tokato. koi uddhata ziSya na mAne to huM vadhu gusse bharAto. jo ke mAro Azaya sAro ja hato, ziSyone sudhAravAno ja hato, paNa ziSyone sudhAratAM-sudhAratAM huM ja khuda bagaDI gayo. mAro svabhAva caMDa-pracaMDa banI gayo. are, mArA nAmanI AgaLa paNa 'caMDa' zabda lAgI gayo. huM rudrAcAryamAMthI caMDarudrAcArya banI gayo, pelo "kauzika' jema caMDakauzika banI gayo. tame kahezo AcArya thaine ATalo gusso ? tamArI vAta kharI che : mAre jarAya gusso karavo joito nhoto. sAmAnya sAdhu paNa kSamAno bhaMDAra hoya, 'kSamAzramaNa' hoya to AcAryanI to vAta ja zI karavI ? paNa AcArya banyA pachI javAbadArI vadhI jAya che. mArI najara sAme ja mArA ziSyo barAbara vartatA na hoya to huM e zI rIte joi zakuM? zuM ziSyone TokavAnI mArI pharaja nahi? sAraNA, vAraNA, coyaNA, paDicoyaNA Adi zA mATe batAvyuM che ? prazasta kaSAya jarUrI kharA ke nahi? paNa prazasta kaSAyanA nAme huM aprazasta kaSAyonA ravADe caDI gayo. prazasta ane aprazasta kaSAyanI bhedarekhA bahu ja sUkSma hoya che. tame jarA gAphela raho ke tarata ja e bhedarekhA bhUMsAi jAya. mArA mATe paNa AvuM ja kAMika banyuM. paNa mAro AtmA gAphela hoto. huM tarata ja cetI gayo. meM vicAryuM : arara... prazasta kaSAyonA nAme aprazasta kaSAyonA ravADe zA mATe caDavuM ? ziSyone sudhAravA jatAM jAte zA mATe bagaDavuM ? mAre mArI pAchalI uMmara to zAMtithI gALavI joie. paNa enA mATe zuM Atma kathAo * 138 karuM ? jarAka geravartaNuka karatA ziSyone jouM chuM ne huM chaLI UThuM chuM. enA karatAM to evA sthAne rahevuM ke jyAM koi ja ziSyo najare caDe nahi. dekhavuM paNa nahi ne dAjhavuM paNa nahi. kaMika dekhavA maLe to kaSAyo thAya ne ? dekhavuM ja nahi pachI dAjhavAnI vAta ja kyAM ? na rahegA bAMsa, na bajegI baMsarI ! AvuM kAMika vicArI huM ziSyothI alaga sthAnamAM rahevA lAgyo. AthI ziSyone paNa zAMti thai, mane paNa zAMti thai. Akhare to nimittavAsI AtmA che. nimitto maLe tevo banI jAya. Aga kyAM sudhI baLe ? lAkaDAM maLe tyAM sudhI. lAkaDAM vagere baMdha thai jAya eTale pharajiyAta agnine bujhAvuM ja paDe. mArA mATe paNa evuM ja thayuM. mane 'lAkaDAM' maLatA baMdha thayA, mAre zAMta thavuM ja paDyuM. jo ke AvI zAMti chetarAmaNI banatI hoya che. nimitta maLatAM ja bhaDako thatAM vAra lAgatI nathI. kharekhara zAMti to ja kahevAya ke nimitta maLavA chatAM magaja svasthatA na gumAve. nimitta vinA to koNa zAMta na rahe ? paNa zuM karuM? mahAsattvazALIone sAthe evI zAMti to mArA nasIbamAM hatI nahi, mane to AvI ja zAMti (nimitta na maLe to) maLI zake tema hatI. meM AvI zAMtithI paNa saMtoSa mAnyo. bhIlanI dIkarI, sonAnA ghareNAM na maLe to tAMbAnA ghareNAMthI saMtoSa mAnI ja le che ne ? AvI zAMtinI ArAdhanA karatAM-karato huM kyAre ke parama zAMti paNa pAmIza - evo AtmavizvAsa hato. mane parama zAMti maLe evI eka ghaTanA ghaTI. eka vakhate ame koi nagaranI bahAra udyAnamAM utarelA hatA. mArI zAMti mATe huM ziSyothI alaga sthAnamAM ArAdhanA karato hato. tyAre koi yuvakonI ToLI mArI pAse AvI pahoMcI. eka yuvakanA kapaDAM parathI lAgatuM hatuM ke te tAjo ja paraNelo che. bIjA enA sAthIdAro hatA. mane vaMdana karIne kahevA lAgyA : bApajI ! A bhAine dIkSA levI che. dIkSA levA mATe ja banIThanIne ApanI pAse Avyo che. bIjA paNa bolyA: hA... hA... mahArAja ! A dIkSArthI che. mazkarA lokone zuM javAba Apavo ? mauna e ja temano javAba che. huM mauna rahyo. paNa Atma kathAo * 139

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e loko vadhu ne vadhu bolavA lAgyA. have huM jhAlyo na rahyo. Akhare to "caMDarudra" kharo ne ? meM kaDakAithI kahyuM : bolo, kone dIkSA levI che? jeNe levI hoya te ahIM Ave. pelA mazkarAoe vararAjAne AgaLa dhakelyo : mahArAja ! Ane dIkSA levI che. jhaTapaTa ApI do. meM to vararAjAnI bocI barAbara pakaDI. kuMDImAM rahelI rAkha mAthA para mUkI huM to dhaDAdhaDa loca karavA mAMDyo. pelA mazkarAo bolI UThyA : alyA! bhAga... bhAga... mahArAje to loca karavA mAMDyo. mazkarAo bhAgI gayA, paNa A vararAjA na bhAgyo. mane ema ke eka-be capaTI vALanI kheMcIza eTale bhAgaze ane pharI kadI mazkarI karavAnuM nAma nahi le. paNa A vararAjA to gajabano nIkaLyo. e to zAMtithI besI ja rahyo. enA caherA parathI lAgatuM hatuM ke enA bhAvomAM parivartana AvI gayuM hatuM. mazkarInA sthAne gaMbhIratA ane prasannatA AvI hatI. e sAce ja dIkSA levA mATe taiyAra thai gayo hato. hamaNAM ja lagna thayelA hovA chatAM te dIkSA levA mATe taiyAra thai gayo. meM paNa tene tyAM ja, tyAre ja dIkSA ApI dIdhI. zubhasya zIghram | dIkSA pachI kahe : gurudeva ! A gAmamAM to have ApaNAthI rahI zakAze nahi. mArA saMbaMdhIone khabara paDaze to Apane ane mane ghaNI muzkelI UbhI thaze. mATe vihAra karIne Aje ja koi bIje gAma jatA rahIe to sAruM ! sAMja paDavA AvI hatI. meM kahyuM : "sAruM ! tuM rasto joi Ava. ApaNe nIkaLI jaie.' koi AtmAno A rIte paNa uddhAra thato hoya, e mATe mane thoDuM kaSTa paNa paDatuM hoya to e kaSTa sahavA huM taiyAra hato. navadIkSita rasto joi Avyo. ame baMne jaNA samI sAMje aMdhArAmAM nIkaLI paDyA. aMdhAruM gADha banatuM gayuM tema tema mane Thokaro vAgavA mAMDI. vRddhAvasthAnA kAraNe najara ochI to hatI ja ne emAMya vaLI aMdhAruM ! eTale huM to pagale-pagale Thokaro khAvA lAgyo. have mAruM magaja phATyuM. mArI zAMti (nimitta vinA ja rahetI)nI takalAdI imArata tUTI paDI. huM nUtana dIkSita para tUTI Atma kathAo * 140 paDyo : alyA ! akkalanA jAma ! rasto-basto joyo che ke nahi ! rasto Ama jovAya ? keTalA badhA khADA che ? krodhamAM ne krodhamAM huM e bhUlI gayo ke rasto joi AvavAthI khADA thoDA dUra thai javAnA hatA ? khADA ke TekarA rastAmAM jevA hoya tevA ja rahe ! hA... joyeluM hoya to thoDIka sAvadhAnI Ave. bAkI kyAM khADA che ? kyAM TekarA che ? kyAM kAMkarA che ? evo khyAla to game teTaluM joi Ave toya kyAMthI Ave ? saMbhALIne cAlavuM e ja Ano upAya ! paNa gussebAja mANaso lAMbu vicAranArA nathI hotA. e to jyAre ne tyAre taDa ne phaDa ja karavA mAMDe che ! huM paNa taDaphaDIyo hato. navA celAne meM to barAbara dhamakAvI mUkyo. jo ke celo ghaNo sAro hato. teNe kahyuM: gurudeva ! ApanI vAta sAcI che. Apa mArA khabhe birAjo. Apane takalIpha nahi paDe ! mane teNe khabhe besADyo. mane upADIne te dhIre-dhIre cAlavA lAgyo. paNa rastAmAM khADA-TekarA to hatA ja. AthI mane khUba ja AMcakA AvavA lAgyA. zarIra karatAM mArA manane khUba ja AMcakA AvyA. pharI huM phaTakyo : o buddhinA baLadiyA ! jarA sIdho to cAla ! tArA khAtara huM A moTI uMmare paNa keTalo herAna thAuM chuM ? jarA mArI uMmarano to khyAla kara... ara22... mane tuM keTalA AMcakA Ape che. sIdhuM cAlatAM paNa tuM zIkhyo lAgato nathI. sIdhuM cAlatAM paNa nahi AvaDe to saMyamajIvana jIvatAM zI rIte AvaDaze ? are.. pharI AMcako ! ATaluM badhuM kahuM chuM chatAMya tuM sAMbhaLato nathI ? le... leto jA. phaTAka ! meM to mArA hAthamAM rahelo dAMDo tenA mAthA para phaTakArI dIdho. pharI AMcako ! pharI dAMDo phaTakAryo ! pharI AMcako, pharI dAMDo ! meM to basa, ADedhaDa jhUDavA ja mAMDyuM. kharekhara huM bhAna bhUlyo hato. huM krodhathI AMdhaLo thayo hato. meM eTaluM paNa na vicAryuM : bicAro A to tAjo paraNelo che. hamaNAM ja dIkSita thayelo che. are... mazkarImAM ne mazkarImAM muni banyo che. tAjo ja loca thayelo che. pahelA locavALA mAthA para koinI AMgaLI aDe to paNa duHkhe tyAM dAMDA phaTakAravA e keTalI krUratA ? haju teNe koi zAstrAdino abhyAsa paNa nathI karyo. haju manane samatAthI bhAvita Atma kathAo * 141

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karavAnA prayatno paNa nathI karyA. huM ATalI moTI uMmare paNa samatA nathI rAkhI zakato to A navadIkSita kyAMthI rAkhI zake? paNa meM hamaNAM ja kahyuM ne ? gussebAja mANaso kadI UMDo vicAra karanArA nathI hotA. meM to vagara vicArye phaTakAravA mAMDyuM ane jANe camatkAra sarjAyo. have celo barobara cAlavA lAgyo. huM manomana bolI UThyo : joyuM ? have kevo barAbara cAle che? A to soTIno camatkAra che. keTalIka cIjo evI hoya che ke je tADana karavAthI ja barAbara cAle. strI, Dhola, gamAra, pazu vagere tADanane ja lAyaka hoya che. ema nItivAkyo kahe che : Dhola, pazu, mUrakha aura nArI; ye saba tADana ke adhikArI // meM kahyuM : kema celAjI ! have kema barAbara cAlo cho ? mAra khAIne sIdhA cAlyA enA karatAM mAra vinA ja sIdhA cAlyA hota to ? celAjIe atyaMta zAMta svare kahyuM : gurudeva ! ApanI kRpA ! enA zAMta, gaMbhIra ane svastha avAjathI huM stabdha thai gayo. nakkI kaMika rahasya che. huM coMkyo. pUchyuM : "zuM koi divyajJAna thayuM che ?' hAjI... gurudeva ! ApanI kRpA !' huM thIjI gayo. cokkasa khAtarI karavA meM pharI pUchyuM : 'kevuM jJAna thayuM che ? pratipAtI ke apratipAtI ?' 'apratipAtI.' tarata ja kUdako lagAvI huM nIce Utaryo... "ararara... meM kevaLajJAnInI AzAtanA karI. kevaLajJAnInA khabhA para huM besI rahyo. mAruM mana becena banyuM : gai kAlano dIkSita A muni ! zAstra nahi bhaNelo A muni ! kSamAno kevo bhaMDAra ! mAtra kSamAnA mahimAthI e kevaLajJAna pAmI jAya ne huM evo ne evo koro-dhAkora ? AcAryapada para birAjamAna ! aneka ziSyono guru ! aneka zAstrono jANakAra ! aneka bhaktono ArAdhya huM ! chatAM samatAthI lAkho jojana dUra ! arere... jyAre evI madhura paLo Avaze jyAre huM paNa samatAnA mAna sarovaramAM haMsa banIza ? zuM mAruM jIvana krodhanA bhaDabhaDatA dAvAnaLamAM ja zekAtuM raheze? zuM mAruM jIvana krodhanI AgathI registAna ja banI raheze ? Atma kathAo * 142 zuM kadI naMdanavana nahi bane ? AvI bhAvanAmAM mArA adhyavasAyo nirmaLa thavA lAgyA. pachI to mArA e vicAro paNa vilIna banyA. huM nivicAra avasthAmAM pahoMcyo. mAro AnaMda vadhato cAlyo... vadhato cAlyo.. evo vadhyo... evo vadhyo ke zuM vAta karuM ? enI AgaLa svayaMbhUramaNa dariyo paNa nAno paDe. e AnaMdanuM zI rIte varNana karI zakuM? zabdomAM tene kahI zakAya nahi. bicArA zabdonI zI tAkAta ke asIma AnaMdane potAnA cokaThAmAM keda karI zake? zabda to vAmaNA che. tame AcArAMga sUtranuM peluM vAkya vAMcyuM che ? "savve sarA niyadRti, takkA jattha na vijjai, mai tattha na gAhiA" jyAMthI badhA svaro pAchA phare, jyAM tarkanA ghoDAo pahoMcI zake nahi, jyAM matinI gati thai zake nahi. evI adbhuta AtmasAkSAtkAranI avasthAne huM pAmyo. huM kSapaka-zreNi para... nA.. nA... mokSamaMdiranA sopAna para ArohaNa karI rahyo hato. kSaNe-kSaNe mAro AnaMda vadhI rahyo hato. acAnaka ja aMdara visphoTa thayo... parama tattvanuM avataraNa mArA ghaTamAM thayuM. jo ke Ane avataraNa kahevuM enA karatAM "anAvaraNa' kahevuM vadhu ThIka raheze. avataraNa eTale uparathIbahArathI nIce UtaravuM jyAre "anAvaraNa" eTale aMdara rahelAno UghADa thavo. parama tatva kyAM bahAra che ? e to aMdara ja che. mAtra paDado haTAvo eTale parama tattva hAjara ! e paDado che ghAtI karmano ! mAro e paDado haTI gayo. huM kevaLajJAnI banI gayo. AkhuM jagata mArAmAM pratibiMbita thayuM ! sarva bhAvone sarva kALane huM ekI sAthe jANavA lAgyo. huM kevaLajJAnI banyo emAM kAMi navAi nathI. navAi to mArA ziSyanI che, je mArAthI paNa pahelAM kevaLI banI gayo ane pAchuM e kevaLajJAna mArA caraNe dharI dIdhuM ! tame loko ghaNIvAra phariyAda karatA ho cho ke guru bahu kaDaka che, bahu gusse bharAya che, bahu Toka-Toka kare che. AvA guru na joie, guru to zAMta joie. paNa... mArA A navadIkSita ziSyane tyAre najara samakSa lAvajo. mArA jevo krodhI guru maLavA chatAM te kevaLajJAna pAmI gayo ane mane paNa kevaLajJAna Apato Atma kathAo * 143

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(1) huM pradezI - gayo. ApaNAmAM jo yogyatA hoya to guru dvArA je maLavuM joie te maLIne ja rahe che. ApavuM ke na ApavuM e gurunA hAthanI vAta nathI, levuM ke na levuM e ja ziSyanA hAthanI vAta hoya che. guru to sadA ApI ja rahyA hoya che. yogya ziSya te meLavI le che ne naThAro lAkha mAthuM paTake to paNa meLavI zakato nathI. varasAda to varasI ja rahyo hoya che, paNa je chatrI na haTAve tenA para kai rIte jaladhArA paDe ? gurunI karuNAno varasAda to varasI ja rahyo hoya che, paNa tame ahaMkAranI chatrI oDhIne pharI rahyA ho cho ne doSano Topalo guru para caDAvo cho. chatrI lai lo, pachI juo : bhIjAva cho ke nahi ? ekavAra chatrI haTAvo mArA ziSyanI jema tame paNa khyAla banI jazo. huM nAnapaNathI ja dareka vAtane tarkathI siddha karanAro ! jo tarkathI gamya hoya to ja huM e vAta svIkAruM, nahi to bilakula nahi. bhale pachI e vAta zAstromAM lakhI hoya, bhale ene sAdhuo ThokI-ThokIne samajAvatA hoya, bhale ene lAkho mANaso mAnatA hoya, paNa mArA gaLe na Utare to huM bilakula mAnuM nahi. dhIre dhIre huM darekamAM tarka karavA lAgyo. maMdiramAM, mUrtimAM, zAstramAM, AtmAmAM, paramAtmAmAM, paralokamAM, mokSamAM badhe ja tarka ne tarka ! jo ke Ane tarka kahevA karatAM zaMkA kahevI vadhu sArI gaNAze. huM dareka bAbatamAM zaMkA uThAvavA ja lAgyo. zaMkA, avizvAsa, tarka, dalIla e mArA hathiyAra banI gayA. dhIre-dhIre mane lAgyuM ke AtmA nAmano padArtha A duniyAmAM che ja nahi. jo AtmA hoya to dekhAto kema nathI ? kadAca dekhAto na hoya to paraloka kema jaNAto nathI ? paralokamAM gayelA kema koi kahevA AvatA nathI ? ke pachI paraloka vagere kazuM che ja nahi ? hA... paraloka nathIsto vaLI. jagatamAM lAkho mANaso mare che, paNa kyAM koi pAchuM AvyuM che ? paraloka, svarga, naraka, mokSa vagerenI kalpanA dharmanA nAme duniyAne ullu banAvanArA paMDyAo ane purohitoe karI che. "dharma' e ja lokonI dukAna che. "dharma" AtmAnA pAyA para ja Ubhelo che. have jo AtmA ja na mAnavAmAM Ave to paraloka vagereno svayameva cheda UDI jAya. AthI dharmanA nAme cAlato temano maTho ane maMdirono dhamadhokAra vepAra baMdha thai jAya. emanI AjIvikA rakhaDI jAya. AthI AvA labADa dharmaguruoe ja A jagatamAM dharmane jIvato rAkhyo che. emAM emanuM sthApita hita che. mane AvuM spaSTa samajAi javAthI dharmane meM mArA jIvanamAMthI dezavaTo Apyo, na kevaLa mArA jIvanamAMthI, paraMtu mArA AkhA dezamAMthI dharmane, dharmaguruone, dharmasthAnone alavidA ApI. hA... huM sAmAnya mANasa hoto, huM rAjA hato, kaikeya dezano mAlika Atma kathAo * 145 Atma kathAo * 144

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hato. hAma, dAma, kAma badhuM mane maLeluM hatuM. meM dharmane mArA dezamAMthI ravAnA karyo. huM saMpUrNa nAstika banI gayo. cArvAkanI vAta mane gamavA lAgI. jo ke duniyAe cArvAkanI kadara nathI karI, paNa mane e mANasa kharo lAgyo, hiMmatabAja lAgyo. kahe che ke nAstikatAnA upadezathI tene jIvato saLagAvI nAkhavAmAM Avelo, paNa e potAnI vAtathI calita thayo nhoto. huM cAvakane anusaravA lAgyo. cAvAke to spaSTa AjJA karI che : je maLyuM che tene bhogavI lo. paralokanI ciMtA na karo. vartamAnamAM jIvo. paralokanI ciMtAmAM A lokanA sukho zA mATe gumAvo cho ? pelA ziyALIyAne mAMsano TukaDo maLyo. nadInA kinAre tenI najara paDI to eka mAchaluM AvIne beTheluM. ziyALe mAMsane mUkIne mAchalAne pakaDavA doTa mUkI, paNa mAchaluM to pANImAM pesI gayuM. ziyALa nirAza thai potAno mAMsano TukaDo levA AvyuM, paNa e to gIdhaDo upADI gayelo ! ziyALa baMne bAjuthI rahyuM ! paralokanI vAto karanArA A mUrkha ziyALa jevA che. temano A bhava to nakAmo jai ja rahyo che. bicArA paraloka mATe doDI rahyA che, paNa paraloka che ja kyAM? "dharmI AtmAo' ziyALanI jema ubhayabhraSTa banI jAya che. AthI paraloka, AtmA, mokSa, izvara, svarga, naraka vagerenI vAta choDo. hA... mAnavuM ja hoya to... zarIrane ja AtmA mAno ! rAjAne ja izvara mAno ! zrImaMtAIne ja svarga mAno ! garIbIne ja naraka mAno ! mRtyune ja mokSa mAno ! zarIra sivAya bIjo koi AtmA nathI. zarIranA nAzamAM AtmAno paNa nAza thAya che. rAjA sivAya koi izvara nathI. rAjA ja nigraha ane anugraha karI zake che. zrImaMtAi sivAya bIjuM svarga kayuM che? ane garIbI sivAya bIjI naraka kai che ? mokSa-bokSa e to badhI kalpanA che. chatAM mAnavuM ja hoya to mRtyune ja mokSa mAnI lo ! mane A cArvAkanI vAto gamI gaI. "fpava ravAn 2 vAnavane" khAo, pIo ane majA karo. 'yAvajjIvet sukhaM jIvet, RNaM kRtvA ghRtaM pibet // bhasmIbhUteSu bhUteSu, vRthA pratyAgatispRhA / ' mojathI jIvo. devuM karIne paNa ghI pIo. mRtyu pachI devuM cUkavavuM paDaze - e badhI bAliza vAto che. maryA pachI koi pAchuM AvatuM nathI. mane cArvAkanI vAto eTalI gamI gai, eTalI gamI gai ke na pUcho vAta ! huM mAMsa-madirAmAM masta banyo, zikArano bhAre zokhIna banyo. jIvananA sarva vibhAgamAMthI meM dharmane haDaselI mUkyo. hRdayanA koi khUNAmAM dharmazraddhA rahI na jAya tenI huM pUrI takedArI rAkhavA lAgyo. paNa mArI ATalI badhI ghora nAstikatA mArA maMtrI citrane gamatI hotI. jo ke te mArI pAse to mane game tevuM mIThuM-mIThuM ja bolato hato, paNa manamAM dUbhAto hato. mArA svAmI adharmamAM jIve, dharmane dhikkAre ane huM joto rahuM? to huM sevaka zAno ? kharo sevaka te je svAmInuM hita icche. te mAro sAco sevaka hato. - eka vakhate te zrIpArzvanAtha saMtAnIya kezI gaNadharane parivAra sahita AgrahapUrvaka mArA nagaramAM lai Avyo; khAsa mArA hita mATe ja. paNa huM dharmaguruo pAse jAuM evo kyAM hato ? chatAM mane te mitra maMtrI pharavAnA bahAne bahAra bagIcAmAM lai gayo. bagIcAmAM barAbara tyAre kezI gaNadhara bhagavaMtanuM vyAkhyAna cAlatuM hatuM. dUra-dUrathI avAja Avato hato. meM tyAM najara mAMDI. AkhI sabhA hakaDeThaTha bharelI hatI. koNa ? dharmaguru ? "dharmaguru" zabdathI ja huM cheDAi paDyo. mArI manAi hovA chatAM ahIM dharmaguru Avyo koNa ? hAMkI kADho ene ! AvA dhUtArAo AvIne lokone UMdhA cazmA paherAve che. maMtrIe zAMtithI kahyuM: 'mahArAja ! jarA ApaNe emanI sabhAmAM jaie to kharA, jarA joie to kharA ke A daMbhI dharmAcArya kaI rIte duniyAne ullu banAve che ? emanA daMbhI vacano sAMbhaLavAnI khUba ja majA Avaze.' mitranI vAta huM kadI ThelI zakato nahi. meM enI vAta mAnI. ame baMne sabhAmAM gayA. dharmasabhAmAM bIjI to kaI vAta hoya ? dharmanI ja vAta hoya ne? dharma zabda sAMbhaLatAM ja huM cIDAi gayo. sabhA vacce UbhA thaine meM Atma kathAo * 147 Atma kathAo * 146

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mahArAjanI jhATakaNI kADhavA mAMDI : "mahArAja ! dharama-baramano bakavAsa karavo rahevA do. dharma jevI cIja A jagatamAM che ja nahi. dharma AtmA mATe ja karavAno che ne ? pahelAM AtmA ja kyAM che ? e to batAvo ! meM mArA jIvanamAM AnI khUba ja zodha karI che, khUba ja maMthana karyuM che, paNa mane AtmAnI sAbitI maLI nathI. jo AtmA hoya to zarIramAM kyAMka to hovo joie ne ? eka corane phAMsI ApavAnI hatI, meM tenA para prayoga karyo. jIvatejIva enA meM TUkaDA karAvyA, paNa zarIranA koi bhAgamAM mane AtmA dekhAyo nathI. haju bIjo anubhava karyuM - eka coranuM phAMsI ApyA pahelAM vajana karyuM ane pachI paNa vajana karyuM. paraMtu vajana eTaluM ja rahyuM. jo AtmA nAmano koi padArtha hoya ane maryA pachI cAlyo gayo hoya to vajana kaMika to ghaTavuM joie ke nahi ? haju paNa meM prayoga karyA che. huM pUrI rIte cakAsI levA mAMgato hato. eka corane meM atyaMta peka, kyAMyathI havA paNa dAkhala na thai zake evI oraDImAM pUryo. 10-15 divasa pachI tene kADhyo. cora marI gayo hato, paNa navAinI vAta e hatI ke oraDInI divAlomAM kyAMya kANuM ke tirADa paDyA hatA. jo AtmA zarIrane choDI bahAra nIkaLyo hoya to oraDImAMthI paNa nIkaLyo haze ne ? to kyAMya kANuM kema paDyuM nahi ? vaLI bIjI vAta. coranA maDadAmAM kIDAo pedA thai gayA hatA. tamArA mate to kIDAomAM paNa AtmA che. e badhA AtmAo AvyA kyAMthI ? oraDImAM kyAMyathI paNa dAkhala thai zakAya evI jagyA to hatI ja nahi. AvA-AvA prayogo karyA pachI mane lAgyuM ke AtmA nAmanI koi cIja nathI. AtmA eka bhramaNA che, athavA to mananI cAlAkI che, amara rahevAnI icchA dharAvatA mane karelI eka brAnta zodha che. jo AtmA ja mananI kalpanA hoya to paraloka, svarga, naraka, mokSa vagere paNa kalpanA ja mAtra che, ema svataH siddha thai jAya che. AtmA nahi hoya to svarga, narake ke mokSe jaze koNa ? mahArAja ! huM to sAcuM kahuM chuM ke tamAruM svarga paNa tamArA mananI ja mAtra kalpanA che. je tamane ahIM nathI maLyuM te svargamAM maLaze - evuM tame jUThuM AzvAsana ApIne tamArI jAtane Atma kathAo * 148 ane AkhA jagatane chetarI rahyA cho. mANasanA manamAM paDelI lAlacamAMthI ja svargano janma thayo che. ane mANasanA manamAM rahelA bhayamAMthI ja narakano janma thayo che. svarga ane naraka e bIjuM kazuM nathI, lAlaca ane bhayanI pedAza mAtra che. lAlaca ane bhayanA AdhAre to tamAro kahevAto dharma TakI rahyo che. vaLI eka vAta pUchuM ? mArA dAdImA bahu dharmiSTha hatA. haMmezA tyAga, tapa, vrata-niyama vagere karatA ja rahetA hatA. meM temane maratAM pahelAM kahyuM hatuM : dAdImA ! tame dharmI cho eTale nakkI svarge ja javAnA. paNa svarge gayA pachI mane jarUra kahevA Avajo to mane paNa "svarga che.' evo vizvAsa Avaze. to huM paNa tamArI jema dharma karIza. mahArAja ! dAdImAM kyAranAya marI gayA che, paNa Aja sudhI teo kazuM kahevA AvyA nathI ke dIkarA ! duniyAmAM devaloka che. have huM 'devaloka che' ema tamArA jevA koi kahe to zI rIte mAnI zakuM? haju paNa mArI vAta sAMbhaLo. mArA pitAjI mArA jevA ja nAstika hatA. mAMsa, madirA, zikAra vagerenA bharapUra zokhIna hatA. maratAM pahelAM meM temane kahyuM hatuM : pitAjI ! dharmI loko kahe che ke jagatamAM naraka che. pApIone maryA pachI tyAM javuM paDe che. dharmIonA mate tame pApI cho. pitAjI ! jo tame narakamAM jAva to mane jarUra kahevA Avajo. jethI huM pApa choDuM ane dharma karuM. mahArAja ! mArA pitAjInA avasAnane varSonA vahANA vAyA che, paNa Aja sudhI mane teo kaMI paNa kahevA AvyA nathI. have huM svarga ke naraka zI rIte mAnI zakuM ? meM khUba ja sakhata zabdomAM kezI gaNadhara bhagavaMtanI jhATakaNI kADhI chatAM teozrI zAMta ane svastha rahyA. temanA caherA para kyAMya uzkerATanI AchI rekhA paNa mane dekhAi nahi. emanI AMkho vadhu ne vadhu karuNArda banatI hoya tevuM mane lAgyA karatuM. huM enI sAme jouM tyAre mane ema thaI jatuM : kharekhara, AkhI duniyAnuM sukha ahIM ja ramI rahyuM che. mokSa ane svarganI vAta javA do, A mahAtmAe to ahIM ja mokSa ane svarga meLavI lIdhA che. mane hRdayamAM temanA tarapha eka jAtanuM kheMcANa thavA lAgyuM. mane mArI dalIlo svataH niHsAra lAgavA mAMDI. chatAM huM sabhA samakSa akkaDa Ubho Atma kathAo * 149

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rahI mArA savAlonA javAbonI pratIkSA karavA lAgyo. sabhA vacce to ahaMkAra zI rIte choDI zakuM? mArA AvA jabaradasta savAlonA javAba mahArAja zI rIte Apaze ? AkhI sabhAmAM paNa utkaMThAnuM mojuM phelAi gayuM hatuM. badhAnI AturatA vacce zrIkezI gaNadhara bhagavaMte kahyuM : rAjana! tame kaho cho ke AtmA nathI. kAraNa ke dekhAto nathI, mATe huM mAnavA taiyAra nathI. paNa nahi dekhAtI cIja tame mAnatA ja nathI ? duniyAmAM seMkaDo cIjo evI che, je ApaNe joi nathI chatAM 'che" ema mAnavuM paDe che. tamArA dAdAnA dAdAne tame joyA che ? chatAM teo nhotA ema tame kahI zakazo ? tame tamArI buddhine joi zako cho ? sukha, duHkha, AnaMda, zoka vagerenI lAgaNIo joi zako cho ? chatAM 'nathI' ema tame kahI zakazo ? jo buddhi paNa na dekhAtI hoya to buddhithI ghaNo ja sUkSma ane arUpI AtmA zI rIte dekhAya ? na dekhAya eTale e padArtha na hoya, evuM ApaNe zI rIte kahI zakIe ? tame koi deza na joyo hoya. teTalA mAtrathI te deza duniyAmAM nathI, evuM kahI zakazo ? te deza tame bhale nathI joyo, paNa jeNe joyelo che enI vAta to tamAre mAnavI paDaze ne? AtmA ApaNane bhale nathI dekhAto paNa sarvajJa bhagavaMtone dekhAya che, temanI vAta ApaNe mAnavI paDaze. tame kaho cho ke coranA me TUkaDe-TUkaDA karI nAkhyA chatAM kyAMya mane AtmA dekhAyo nahi. paNa rAjanuM ! AtmA arUpI che. cAmaDInI AMkhathI dekhAya tevo nathI. duniyAmAM ghaNI cIjo evI che je nathI dekhAtI chatAM ApaNe mAnIe chIe. dUdhamAM ghI che ? tame kahezo : 'hA che'. batAvo joie, dUdhanA TukaDe-TukaDA karI nAkho tamane kyAMya ghI dekhAze ? koi abUjha bALaka ema kahI de : huM, dUdhamAM ghI che - ema mAnavA taiyAra nathI. kAraNa ke mane dekhAtuM nathI. AvA bALakane tame zuM kahezo ? vatsa ! ghI ema na dekhAya. enA mATe tene jamAvIne dahIM karavuM paDe, valovavuM paDe, mAkhaNa kADhavuM paDe, mAkhaNane tapAvavuM paDe. pachI ghI nIkaLe. ame paNa e ja kahIe chIe. zarIramAM rahelo AtmA emane ema na dekhAya, paNa sAdhanA karavI paDe. sAdhanAthI ja AtmAno sAkSAtkAra thAya. rAjanuM ! phUlamAM Atma kathAo * 150 sugaMdha che ? kyAMya dekhAya che ? phulanI ekeeka pAMkhaDI tame chuTI pADI nAkho chatAM kyAMya sugaMdha dekhAze ? tema chatAM sugaMdha nathI ema tame kahI zakazo ? talamAM tela che ? kyAMya dekhAya che ? talanA TUkaDe-TUkaDA karI nAkho chatAM tela dekhAze ? to paNa talamAM tela nathI ema tame kahI zakazo ? jema talamAM tela che, tema ApaNA zarIramAM AtmA che. tame kahyuM ke meM coranuM vajana maryA pahelAM ane pachI karyuM chatAM kAMi pharake na paDyo. paNa rAjan ! AtmAne koi rUpa paNa nathI to vajana to kyAMthI hoya ? koi cAmaDAnI dRti (mazaka)mAM tame havA bharo ane vajana karo. havA kADhI nAkhyA pachI vajana karo. kAMi pharaka paDe che ? havAmAM jo ke kaMika vajana che chatAM paNa pharaka na paDe to AtmA hoya ke na hoya tethI zuM pharaka paDe ? tame kahyuM ke eka corane meM ekadama peka oraDImAM pUyoM chatAM kyAMya kANuM paDyuM nahi to AtmA gayo kyAMthI ? huM tamane pUchuM chuM ke e ja peka oraDImAM koi Dhola vagADe to tamane saMbhaLAya ke nahi ? oraDImAMthI bahAra AvavAnuM koi kANuM nathI chatAM avAja bahAra zI rIte Avyo ? avAja to pArthiva che. pArthiva avAja paNa bahAra jai zake to AtmA jai zake emAM navAI zI ? avAja to haju rokAi jAya, paNa AtmA kyAMya rokAto nathI. e pahADo, divAlo ke vajanA vyavadhAnone paNa vIMdhIne nIkaLI jAya che. rAjan ! jIvane mAnavo to paDaze ja. enA vinA cAlI zake tema che ja nahi. 'jIva nathI' ema je tame bolo cho enAthI ja jIvanI siddhi thai jAya che. koI kahe : "caitra nathI.' to eno artha e ke caitra ahIM nathI, paNa kyAMka to che ja. 'ajIva' zabda ja nAstitvarUpe jIvane jaNAve che. tame kahezo : A badho bhrama che, jIva viSenI bhrAnti che. huM kahIza ke jeno bhrama thAya, e vastu A duniyAmAM hoya ja ! koine doraDAmAM sApano bhrama thayo. hA... doraDo e sApa nathI, paNa sApa nAmanuM prANI to A duniyAmAM che ja ! jo sApanuM astitva ja na hota to eno bhrama paNa thAta nahi. nareza ! tame vicAro. maDadAmAM ane jIvatA mANasamAM zo pharaka che ? tame kahezo ke emAMthI prANa jatA rahyA che, Atma kathAo * 151

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cetanA cAlI gai che, teja cAlyuM gayuM che. tame jene prANa, cetanA, teja kaho cho e ja "AtmA" che. jo AtmAnI siddhi thai gai to paralokanI siddhi svataH thai jaze. tame kahyuM ke mArA dAdImAM svargamAMthI Aja sudhI kAMi kahevA AvyA nathI." paNa eka vAta rAjana ! samajI lo ke mAnavaloka devalokanI apekSAe bahuja gaMdo che. enI gaMdavADa bhayaMkara che. enI durgadha bhayaMkara che. eTalI bhayaMkara ke upara 500 yojana sudhI e phelAi rahe che. mATe ja devo koi viziSTa kAraNa vinA mAnavalokamAM AvavAnuM pasaMda karatA nathI. tame phalothI maghamaghatI rAjasabhAmAM besI nartakIonuM nRtya jotA ho tyAre koi bhaMgI tamane pAyakhAnAmAM bolAve to tame jAva kharA ? devalokamAM gayelA tamArA dAdImA mATe paNa Akho A mAnavaloka pAyakhAnA jevo che. divya sukhone choDIne teo ahIM zA mATe Ave ? have vAta rahI tArA pitAnI. e kadAca narakamAM gayo hoya to tene paramAdhAmIo AvavA na de, tyAMnI sthiti paNa evI ja che ke teo AvI paNa na zake. tamArI jelamAM pUrAyelA koi kedIo hoya, teo jelamAMthI nIkaLavA game teTalA dhamapachADA kare paNa tame teone nIkaLavA do kharA ? kedIo jevI ja hAlata nArakonI hoya che. teo paNa narakanI sakhata jelamAM pUrAyelA che. AvI hAlatamAM ahIM zI rIte AvI zake ? mATe rAjanuM ! tamAre AtmA, svarga, naraka, puSya, pApa, mokSa vagere mAnavuM ja paDaze. e mAnyA vinA cAle tema ja nathI. huM kahuM chuM mATe mAno ema nahi, paNa vastusthiti ja AvI che, mATe mAnyA vinA cAle tema ja nathI. ApaNe lAkha dalIla karIe ke AtmA nathI, svarga nathI, naraka nathI, paNa tethI AtmA, svarga, naraka vagere thoDA nAza pAmI javAnA che ? ApaNI dalIlo mujaba duniyA nathI cAlatI. gAMDo hAthI doDato doDato AvI rahyo che, te vakhate koi kahe : nA, A hAthI nathI. hAthI che to paNa doDato to nathI ja, doDe che, to paNa ApaNA tarapha to nathI ja Avato. AvI hajAro dalIlo kare chatAM hAthI thoDo marI javAno che ? naraka, svarga nathI... nathI.. nathI... ema hajArovAra bolo ethI Atma kathAo * 152 e hatA 'na hatA" thoDA ja thai javAnA che. rAjanuM! vastusthitine samajo. je rIte vastusthiti che, te rIte svIkAro. ApaNI buddhi bahu ja alpa che. alpabuddhinA sahAre, tuTelI tarkanI nAvaDInA sahAre satyanA aphATa sAgarane taravAnI icchA na karo. parama satyane svIkAro. buddhine eka bAjue mUkI zraddhAne AgaLa karo. sarvajJa bhagavaMtanI vAta svIkAro. atIndriya padArthomAM sarvajJonA zAstra sivAya kAMi kAma lAgatuM nathI. vaLI mAnI lo ke paraloka nathI to paNa zuM thayuM? tame bhogasukho pAchaLa pAgala banazo. bhoga sukhomAM sukha eka bhramaNA che, viDaMbanA che. bhogasukhomAM pAgala banelo mANasa A ja lokamAM azAMta ane bhrAnta bane che. jyAre tene choDanAro parama prasannatA ane svasthatA anubhave che. ene A ja lokamAM svarga ane mokSanA sukhano AsvAda maLe che. jyAre nAstika to bicAro A bhavamAM paNa duHkhI ! huM to kahuM chuM ke tamAre A jIvanamAM sukhI thavuM hoya to paNa dharma vinA cAle tema nathI. kezI gaNadhara mahArAjanI akATya tarkathI bharapUra gaMgAnA pravAha jevI khaLakhaLa vahetI mIThI-madhurI vANI huM sAMbhaLI rahyo. mane kharekhara emanI ekeeka vAta satyathI bharapUra lAgI. atyAra sudhI huM bhAna bhUlyo, jIvana eLe gumAvyuM - ema mane lAgyuM. huM temanA caraNe DhaLI paDyo. dhrusake dhrusake raDI paDyo. pUjyazrIe mane AzvAsana ApyuM ane zrAvakano dharma Apyo. have to dharmamAM otaprota banI gayo. jIvanano ghaNo kharo bhAga adharmamAM gayo hato, have mAMDa-mAMDa dharmanI prApti thai. e dharma pAchaLa huM pAgala banI gayo. saMsAranA raMga rAga mane phIkA lAgyA. dharma mane rasamaya lAgyo. dharmathI huM mArA jIvananI kRtakRtyatA samajavA lAgyo. chaThThanA pAraNe cha karavA lAgyo. bhUkhyAne ghebara maLe ne tUTI paDe tema huM dharma para tUTI paDyo. paNa acAnaka AveluM A parivartana mArI patnI sUryakAMtAne gamyuM nahi. ene dharma tarapha sakhata napharata hatI. mAMsa, madirA, viSayabhoga enI priya vastuo hatI. e badhuM baMdha thai jatAM mane manomana dhikkAravA lAgI. enI viSaya-pipAsA have to huM ThArI zakuM Atma kathAo * 153

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tema na hato. ethI mArI patnI koi ADo mArga levA vicAratI hatI, paNa jyAM sudhI huM beTho houM tyAM sudhI e zI rIte thai zake ? eTale eNe mAro ja kAMTo kADhI nAkhavAnuM vicAryuM ! komaLa dekhAtI strIo keTalI hade kaThora thai zake che - e jANavuM hoya to mArI patnIne jANo ! chaTTanA pAraNAmAM teNe khorAkamAM kAtIla viSa bheLavyuM. huM to ajANa hato. patnI ATalI hada sudhI mArAthI viparIta thai gai che, enI to mane kalpanA ja nhotI! huM to mArI mastImAM masta hato. vaLI patnI paNa pahelAMnI jema ja mArI sAthe hasatI hatI, vAto karatI hatI, badho ja vyavahAra karatI hatI, kadAca pahelAM karatAM paNa vadhu anurAga batAvatI hatI. huM tenI kapaTa lIlA samajI zakyo nahi. samajuM paNa kyAMthI ? je strIonI daMbhalIlAno pAra bhalabhalA puruSo paNa nathI pAmI zakyA, tyAM huM pAmara koNa ? huM svayaM saraLa hato, mane bIjA paNa saraLa lAgatA hatA. saraLane to AkhI duniyA saraLa ja lAge ne ? huM mugdha bhAve patnIe Apelo AhAra ArogI gayo. khalAsa ! thoDI ja vAramAM mArI naso kheMcAvA mAMDI. mArI AMkhonA DoLA bahAra AvavA lAgyA. AkhI duniyA cakkara-cakkara pharatI hoya tema mane lAgavA mAMDyuM. mane tarata ja khyAla AvI gayo : koinuM A jhera ApI mane mArI nAMkhavAnuM kAvataruM che. mArI AvI dazA joi mArA sevako tarata ja sAvadhAna thai gayA ane viSavaidone bolAvavA doDyA. AkhA rAjamahelamAM dhamAcakaDI macI gai. viSavaidanA nAmathI ja mArI patnI gabharAi UThI. are, have jo rAjA bacaze to mAruM to AvI ja banaze. game te rIte have to rAjAne mAravo ja paDaze. e kRtrima rIte raDavA lAgI : hAya ! hAya ! mArA prANanAtha ! mArA hRdayezvara ! mArI AMkhonI kIkI ! mArA haiyAno hAra ! arere ! Apane zuM thayuM ? AvuM koNe karyuM ? have huM zuM karuM ? e jora jorathI raDavA lAgI ane mane bAjhI paDI. bIjA samajavA lAgyA ke A rANI to AliMgana ApI rahI che. prema karI rahI che. paNa e zuM karI rahI hatI, te to huM ja jANato hato. AliMgananA bahAne te mArA para caDI beThI... jANe sAkSAt mRtyunI rAkSasI caDI beThI ! teNIe mAruM Atma kathAo * 154 gaLuM jorathI dabAvyuM. huM chellAM DacakA levA mAMDyo. e gaLA para vadhu ne vadhu bhIMsa ApavA lAgI. mane bhayaMkara... ati bhayaMkara pIDA thavA lAgI. jene huM mArI prANapyArI samajato hato, jenI sAthe meM bhogo bhogavyA hatA, AnaMdapramoda karyo hato, jenA sukha mATe meM duHkha veThyA hatA te mArI sahacAriNI Aje mane jAnathI mArI rahI hatI. tame vicAro : mArA mananA bhAvo kevA banyA haze ? nA... tame AgaLa vicAratA ja nahi. tame jevuM dhAro cho, enA karatAM judA ja vicAro mArA manamAM ramavA lAgyA. arere... A bicArI mArA nimitte kevA bhayaMkara karma bAMdhe che ? bicArInuM zuM thaze ? bhaluM thajo e kezI mahArAjanuM ke mArA jevA ghora nAstikane temaNe Astika banAvyo, dhArmika banAvyo. jo mane dharma na maLyo hota to ? atyAre mArI kevI hAlata hota ? bhayaMkara raudradhyAnamAM paDelo hota ! krodhathI dhamadhamato hota! durgatinuM AyuSya bAMdhI rahyo hota ! paNa Aje huM zAMta chuM, prazAMta chuM, upazAMta chuM. mane enA pratye jarAya durbhAva nathI. e bicArI zuM kare ? mArA ja karmo evA che. bIjA to nimittamAtra che. huM atyaMta samatAnA sarovaramAM mahAlI rahyo. tame kadAca kahezo : dharma karyAnuM A ja phaLa ? AvuM akALe mota ? e paNa patnInA hAthe ? tamane bhale je lAgatuM hoya te lAge, paNa mane evuM kazuM lAgatuM nahotuM. hA... mAre UlaTI rIte vicAravuM hoya to huM ema paNa vicArI zakata : hAya ! hAya ! dharamanI lapamAM huM kyAM phasAyo ? kezI mahArAje mane bhoLavI dIdho. emaNe bhoLavI dIdho eTale meM raMgarAgano tyAga karyo. raMgarAgano tyAga karyo eTale rANI vIpharI. AnA karatAM dharamathI dUra ja rahyo hota to ? paNa nA... meM evuM kazuM na vicAryuM. mAro dharma haLadarIyA raMga jevo nhoto. coLamajIThano raMga hato. huM hRdayathI dharmane cAhavA lAgyo hato. e dharmanA prabhAvathI ja huM samatA rAkhI zakyo. nahito huM kadAca bhayaMkara raudradhyAnanI AgamAM paDI bhasmIbhUta banI gayo hota, durgatimAM cAlyo gayo hota ! have pIDA vadhatI jatI hatI. chellA DacakAM levAtAM hatAM. rANIe bhIMsa haju choDI nhotI. huM manomana arihaMtAdinuM zaraNuM Atma kathAo * 155

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- () huM nAgaketu ke svIkAravA lAgyo. arihaMta... arihaMta.. arihaMtanuM raTaNa karatA mArA AtmahaMse pAMkho phaphaDAvI. zarIranuM pAMjaruM choDI e devalokanI divyasRSTimAM pahoMcI gayo. huM pradezI rAjAmAMthI atyaMta kAntimAna sUryAbha deva thayo. huM nAstikamAMthI Astika banyo, dhArmika banyo. huM dAnavamAMthI mAnava banyo. mAnavamAMthI deva banyo. devamAMthI huM kyAreka devAdhideva banIza - evI zraddhA che. baMdhuo ! huM jema nAstika hato tema tame nAstika nathI ne ? jo ke bahArathI to tame nAstika nathI, Astika cho. paNa tamAruM jIvana kevuM che ? jIvana jatAM kadAca ema ja lAge : A mANasa nAstika haze ! tamArAmAM UMDeUMDe nAstikatA paDelI che, paNa bahArathI tame AstikatAno burakho oDhIne pharo cho. mane lAge che tamArI tathAkathita AstikatA paNa eka jAtanI vaMcanA che. tame kahevAtI AstikatA choDo ane sAcA arthamAM Astika banI jAva. to tamane ahIM ja parama pada-mokSanuM sukha anubhavavA maLaze. mAruM jIvana vizeSa jANavuM hoya to kyAreka gurumukhe rAyaparoNIya sUtra sAMbhaLajo. khUba ja AnaMda Avaze. "paryuSaNa najIka AvI rahyA che. alI ! tuM aTTama karIza ?" kema nahi ? paryuSaNa jevA pavitra divasomAM aTTama nahi karuM to kyAre karIza? Ameya huM to aTTama ghaNIyevAra karuM chuM, to paryuSaNano aTTama kema choDuM ?" 'jo tuM aTTama karIza to huM paNa karIza.' haju to mAro janma ja thayo hato ane 'aTTama... ama... paryuSaNa... paryuSaNa... paryuSaNa' A zabdo mArA kAne paDyA. A zabdo meM kyAMka sAMbhaLyA che... kyAMka sAMbhaLyA che. huM UMDA vicAromAM khovAi gayo. mUcchita avasthAmAM sarakI gayo ane mArI bhUtakALanI smRti jIvaMta thaI UThI. jamInamAM daTAyelo khajAno maLI jAya tema mane mArAmAM ja chUpAyelI smRti maLI gai, mAro pUrvabhava yAda AvI gayo. Ama to darekamAM pUrvabhava smRtirUpe sacavAyelo hoya ja che, paNa koika viziSTa nimittathI koika viziSTa AtmAne ja enI bhALa maLe che. huM e arthamAM bhAgyazALI hato ke janma thatAMnI sAthe ja jAtismaraNazAna pAmyo. meM joyuM ke pUrvabhavamAM huM khUba duHkhI hato. duHkha hatuM sAvakI mAtAnuM ! mArI sagI mA marI javAthI mArA pitAe pharI lagna karyA ane mArA para duHkhonI jhaDI varasI paDI. sagI mA te sagI mA ! pArakI te Akhare pArakI ja ! khAvAmAM, pIvAmAM, rahevAmAM badhI rIte mane te satAvavA lAgI. khAvAnuM vadhyuM-ghaTyuM eThuM-jU ja Ape, e paNa tiraskArapUrvaka, kaThora vacano saMbhaLAvavA pUrvaka ! huM to e duHkhothI evo dAjhI gayo ke kahI zakuM nahi, sahI zake nahi. mAruM sAMbhaLe paNa koNa ? bhagavAnane manomana prArthanA karato : he bhagavAna ! tuM bIjuM badhuMya karaje, paNa koi nAnakaDA bALakanI mAne mArI nAkhato nahi. prabhu ! meM to kavinA mukhe evuM sAMbhaLyuM che ke tuM badheya pahoMcI zakato nathI, mATe mAtAnuM nirmANa teM karyuM che. mAtA eTale bhagavAnanuM rUpa ! paNa prabhu ! Atma kathAo * 157 Atma kathAo * 156

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mArI sAvakI mAtA to mArA mATe zetAna banI che. prabhu ! bIjA bALakonI mAtA jIvatI che to mArI ja mAtA kema marI gai? mArA para ja duHkhonA DuMgarA kema tUTI paDyA ? prabhu sivAya huM mArI karuNa kathanI kone kahuM? kharekhara ! prabhue mArI prArthanA jANe sAMbhaLI. mane eka kalyANa mitrano bheTo thayo... jANe prabhue ja ene mokalyo hato. mane e dareka vAtamAM sAcI ane hitakArI ja salAha Apato. meM tene ekavAra sAvakI mAtA taraphathI paDatA bhayaMkara duHkhonI vAta karI. mArA mitre kahyuM : dosta ! pUrvabhavanA karmanuM A badhuM phaLa che. ne e karma karanAra ApaNo ja potAno AtmA che. huM tane kahuM chuM ke sAvakI mAtAnA duHkhane tuM bhUlI jA. sAvakI mAtA pratyeno tiraskAra choDI de. tiraskAra karavAthI ke duHkho yAda karavAthI muzkelIo dUra thavAnI nathI. UlaTuM muzkelIo vadhu ne vadhu bevaDAtI jaze. mAruM mAnato hoya to karmono kSaya karavA tuM tapa kara. tapa ja evuM vaja che, je karmanA parvatanA bhUkkA kADhI nAkhe che. bAkI je "che' te 'nathI' thavAnuM nathI. paristhiti jyAre badalAya tevI na hoya tyAre durvicArothI nAhaka duHkhI thavAne badale manaH sthiti ja badalAvI devI joie. zANo mANasa Ama ja kare che. tuM mananuM saMpUrNa rUpAMtara karI tapa karavAmAM lAgI jA. jo, have paryuSaNa najIka AvI rahyA che. emAM aTTama karI leje.' mArA dostanI salAha mane gamI gai. eka sAro mitra kevuM kAma kare che ? AnI jagyAe koi kharAba mitra maLI gayo hota ane teNe mane mAtAnuM khUna karI nAkhavA jevI avaLI salAha ApI hota to mArI zI hAlata thAta ? e vicAratAM ja huM dhrUjI UThuM chuM. bhaluM thajo e mitranuM ke jeNe mane sanmArge vALyo. meM paryuSaNamAM aTTama karavAnuM nakkI karyuM. have satata mArA manamAM aTTamanA ja vicAro guMjavA lAgyA. kyAre paryuSaNa Ave ? kayAre aTTama karuM ? ama... aTTama... ama... mAruM mana pokAravA lAgyuM. paNa badhuM dhAryuM thoDuM thAya che ? te ja rAte huM aTTamanA dhyAnamAM jhUMpaDImAM sUto hato ne sAvakI Atma kathAo * 158 mAtAe jhUMpaDI saLagAvI. huM aMdara ja bhasmIbhUta thai gayo. zarIra baLI gayuM. paNa amara AtmA thoDo baLe ? mArA AtmAe ahIM avatAra dhAraNa karyo ! gayA bhavamAM bhale aTTamanI bhAvanA pUrI na thai, paNa A bhavamAM to e bhAvanA pUrI karavI ja che. pachI karuM ? moTo thaine aTTamanI bhAvanA pUrI karuM ? nahi, nahi. jIvanano zo bharoso ? juone, gayA bhavamAM paryuSaNa sudhI paNa mAruM jIvana TakyuM nahi ne mananI manamAM ja rahI gai. to A bhavamAM have vilaMba karavA jevo nathI. meM to janma thatAMnI sAthe ja aTTama lagAvI dIdho ! zrIsakhI nAmanI mArI mAtAe mane dhavaDAvavA khUba prayatno karyA, paNa huM Tasano masa na thayo. mArI mAtAne thayuM : ghaNA aramAno pachI putra janmyo, paNa eneya koi roga ke vaLagADa lAge che. mArA 'roga' ke 'vaLagADa' ne dUra karavA khUba prayatno karavAmAM AvyA. vaida, hakIma, bhUvA, mAMtrika, tAMtriko ne bolAvyA. vaide nADI joi. bhUvAoe DAkalA bajAvyA. dhuNyA, mAMtrika-tAMtrikoe paNa potAnA prayatno karyA, paNa badhuM vyartha ! roga ke vaLagADa gayo nahi, jAya paNa kyAMthI ? hoya to jAya ne ? traNa divasamAM to huM sAva ja kuza ane mUcchita banI gayo. traNa divasa bhUkhyA-tarasyA rahevAnuM nava-jAta zizunuM zuM gajuM ? mArA mAtA-pitA vagere badhA samajyA ke huM marI gayo chuM. khUba ja zokArta banIne temaNe mane jamInamAM dATI dIdho. mArA mRtyuno emane eTalo badho AghAta lAgyo ke tIvra kalpAMta karavA lAgyA : ghaNA ghaNA aramAno pachI eka bALaka maLyo. o kura daiva! teM ene paNa chInavI lIdho ? have amAre jIvIne kAma paNa zuM che ? A Rddhi-samRddhi badhuM konA mATe ? mArA "mRtyu'no eTalo AMcako lAgyo ke mArA pitAjI zrIkAMta mRtyu pAmyA. sAce ja ati rAga, ati zoka, ati harSa e badhuM bahu ja khataranAka che. lAgaNIonA Avego para mANasa jo niyaMtraNa na keLave to akALe ja kALa koLiyo karI jAya ! Atma kathAo * 159

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A samAcAra vijayasena rAjAne maLatAM ja temanA mANaso dhana levA AvyA. manusmRti vagere zAstro pramANe prAcIna kAyado evo hato ke aputriyAnuM dhana rAjA lai le. e to eka kumArapALa evo karUNAzIla rAjA thayo jeNe AvI kuprathAne tilAMjali ApI. tenAthI aDhaLaka dhana maLatuM hatuM chatAM jatuM karyuM ! tyAra pachI dhIre-dhIre A rivAja bhAratamAMthI lupta thaI gayo ! paNa jyAM rAjasevako mAre ghera AvI dhana levA lAgyA. tyAM ja eka brAhmaNe temane aTakAvyA ane kahyuM : tame A dhana nahi lai zako. kema ? Ano mAlike jIvato che. cAlo, batAvuM. brAhmaNe khADo khodIne mane jIvato bahAra kADhyo. vijayasena rAjA sahita AkhuM nagara A ghaTanAthI AzcaryanA sAgaramAM DUbI gayuM. e jagyAe ghaNA mANaso bhegA thayA. rAjA paNa tyAM Avyo. badhAnA Azcarya vacce pelo brAhmaNa divyasvarUpe camakavA lAgyo ane megha gaMbhIra avAje bolI UThyo : he rAjana ! A bALaka koi sAmAnya bALaka nathI. janmajAta tapasvI che. janma thatAMnI sAthe teNe aTTama karyo che. AthI te mUcchita thai gayo che. tene marelo samajIne ahIM dATI devAmAM Avyo che. enA aTTamanA prabhAvathI mAruM siMhAsana kaMpI UDyuM. avadhijJAnathI samagra ghaTanA jANI bALakanI rakSA karavA mATe huM Avyo chuM. huM dharaNendra chuM. adholokathI Avyo chuM. A bALakane tame barAbara sAcavajo. nAnakaDo samajIne tenI upekSA nahi karatA. A bALaka eka vakhata AkhA nagarane bacAvaze. vaLI te A ja janmamAM mokSe jaze. ATaluM bolIne tarata ja dharaNendra adazya thai gayo... jANe divya dIpaka bujhAi gayo. jatAM jatAM e mArA gaLAmAM divya hAra paherAvI gayo. dharaNendra mArI AvI jAherAta karatAM huM AkhA nagaramAM prasiddha thai gayo, saune priya paNa thai gayo. badhA mArI sAra-saMbhALa rAkhavA lAgyA. huM jyAre sAteka varSano thayo tyAre nagara para eka bhayaMkara Apatti AvI paDI. eka vyaMtara AkhA nagara para gusse bharAyo hato. moTI zilA AkAzamAM vikrvIne badhAne pIsI nAkhavA mAMgato hato. vAta ema banelI ke eka nirdoSa mANasane rAjAe cora samajIne phAMsI ApelI. marIne te vyaMtara banelo. have te A rIte pUrvabhavanuM vera vALI rahyo hato. have te hajAro nirdoSone mArI nAkhavA tatpara banyo hato. jIva kevo vicitra che ? pote nirdoSa hovAthI daMDAyo, tenuM vera vALavA bIjA hajAro mANasonI lAza DhALI nAkhavA tatpara banI jAya che. paNa ema vicArato nathI ke jo huM eka nirdoSa A rIte maryo, e badala jo mane ATaluM duHkha lAgatuM hoya to hajAro nirdoSone huM mAruM to temane kevuM thaze ? emanI lAgaNIono mAre koi vicAra nahi karavo ? mane anyAya thayo, eno badalo bIjAne anyAya karavAthI vaLI zake ? vaLI, e paNa vicAravAnuM che ke rAjAnI javAbadArI keTalI moTI che ? sajjananI sevA ane duSTone daMDa karatAM jo kyAreka UMdhuM vetarAi jAya to kevuM bhayaMkara pariNAma AvI zake che? e paNa AnAthI jANavA maLe che. pelI moTI zilAne joine candrakAntA nagarInA lokonA jIva paDIke baMdhAi gayA. koi raDavA lAgyuM - koi prArthanA karavA lAgyA. koI bUmo pADavA lAgyA. koi bhAgavA mAMDyA. koI bhagavAnane yAda karavA lAgyA. koi devane gALo bhAMDavA lAgyA to koI gabharAine bhoMyarAmAM pesavA lAgyA. AkhA nagaramAM bhayaMkara kolAhala macI gayo. meM AkAzamAM joyuM : moTI zilA paDuM-paDuM thai rahI hatI. hamaNAM paDaze ane hamaNAM ja badhuM svAhA ! lokone ema spaSTa lAgatuM hatuM. mAruM dharma-vAsita hRdaya dravI UDyuM : arere... huM jIvato houM ne maMdira paDI jAya ? dharmasthAnako tUTI jAya ? loko marI jAya ? nahi, nahi, evuM huM kadI nahi thavA dauM. hA, mAre jIvatejIva to nahi ja Atma kathAo * 161 Atma kathAo * 160

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kSaNe-kSaNe, paLe-paLe vadhato ja gayo, vadhato ja gayo. mane evuM lAgavA mAMDyuM ke huM aMdhakAramAMthI prakAzamAM jai rahyo , viSamAMthI amRta tarapha jai rahyo chuM, mRtyumAMthI parama jIvana tarapha jai rahyo chuM. satyaM ziva ane suMdaranI koi agamya sRSTimAM mAro praveza thai rahyo che ne acAnaka ja mane prakAza dekhAvA lAgyo. AkhuMya brahmAMDa mArAmAM AvIne jANe samAi gayuM. akhila brahmAMDanA traNeya kALanA bhAvono jANakAra huM banI gayo hato. hA, huM kevaLI banI gayo hato. nAnakaDI puSpa-pUjAe mane kyAMthI kyAM pahoMcADI dIdho ? tame mane oLakhI gayA ne ? dara varSe paryuSaNanA kalpasUtranA pahelA ja vyAkhyAnamAM Aje paNa tame mAruM jIvana sAMbhaLo cho. oLakhI gayA mane ? huM nAgaketu ! thavA dauM. pahelAM huM prANonuM balidAna ApIza... jo mArA balidAnathI maMdira bacI jAya, lokonI jIva bacI jAya to ethI rUDuM zuM ? huM maMdiranA zikhare caDyo. mArA hAtha UMcA karI zilAne rokavA prayatna karyo. jyAM meM hAtha UMco karyo te ja vakhate pelo deva zilAnuM saMharaNa karIne bhAgyo. mArA tapanuM teja te khamI zakyo nahi. rAjAne paNa je lohInI UlaTIo thatI hatI, te paNa baMdha thai. AkhuM nagara bhayamukta banyuM. cAre bAju AnaMda-maMgaLa vartAI rahyo. pahelAMnuM rudana-AkaMdana maMgaLa-gItomAM palaTAi gayuM. cAre bAju mArI vAha-vAha thavA lAgI. Thera-Thera mArI prazaMsA thavA lAgI, paNa mane enuM koi abhimAna hotuM. meM to mAtra mArI pharaja bajAvI hatI. AmAM abhimAna zuM ? vaLI, upadrava TaLyo temAM tapano prabhAva hato, dharmano prabhAva hato. to dharmane ja mAre vadhAre mahattva ApavuM joie ne ? dharmanA AMcaLA heThaLa jo huM mArA ahaMkArane poSyA karuM to mAro dharma nakalI kahevAya ! eka vakhate huM bhagavAnanI puSpa-pUjA karato hato. acAnaka ja mArA hAthamAM jANe koie DaMkha mAryo hoya tevI bhayaMkara vedanA thai. meM joyuM to kharekhara sAva nAnakaDo sApa hato ! teNe mane DaMkha mArelo. vedanA eTalI badhI kAtIla hatI ke bhalabhalA kherakhAo UMcA-nIcA thai jAya, paNa huM te ja vakhate kAussagnamAM sthira thai gayo. mArI vedanAne huM jovA lAgyo. huM ekadama ciMtananA UMDANamAM Utaryo. vedanA kone thAya che ? mane ke zarIra ne ? zarIra e huM chuM ke huM koI alaga tava chuM? oha! mane spaSTa dekhAi rahyuM hatuM ke zarIra e to taddana alaga che. huM taddana alaga chuM ! zarIra e to mATInuM koDiyuM che. huM to temAM rahelI jhagamagatI jyota chuM. koDiyAne kIDI caTako bhare tenI sAthe jyotane zuM levA-devA? zarIrane vedanA thAya temAM AtmAne zuM levA-devA ? je rIte zarIre raheluM vastra alaga dekhAya tema mane AtmA alaga dekhAvA mAMDyo. zarIramAM vedanA hatI, paNa huM AnaMdamAM masta hato. mAro AnaMda Atma kathAo * 162 Atma kathAo * 163

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(3) ane sATha hajAra ame sATha hajAra sAthIo hatA. jaMgalamAM rahetA ane lUMTa calAvatA. lUMTa karavI - dhADa mAravI A ja amAro dhaMdho ! mANasanA avatAramAM paNa zetAnane zaramAve evuM ame kAma karatA. eka vakhate amane samAcAra maLyA : bhaThThilapurathI zatruMjyano saMgha nIkaLI rahyo che. amArI pallI (raheThANa) barAbara vacce ja AvelI. ame rAjI-rAjI thai gayA : cAlo... lUMTa karavAnI khUba ja majA Avaze. jainono saMgha eTale apAra samRddhi to hoya ja. amane agAuthI samAcAra maLI cUkyA hatA ke saMghamAM puSkaLa mANaso che. badhAnA zarIre sonAhIrAnA amUlya ghareNAM che. vaLI sAthe cAMdIno ratha che. ame sarvAnumate nakkI karyuM ke A saMghane game te rIte lUMTI ja levo. amArAmAMthI kuMbhAra jevA ekAda-be jaNe virodha karyo : baMdhuo ! ApaNe bIjAne lUMTIe te kadAca ThIka che, paNa zatruMjya jevA mahAna tIrthanI yAtrAe jatA dhArmika puruSone lUMTavA e to khUba ja adhama kArya che. ApaNe lUMTa calAvIe chIe... paNa emAMya kyAMka nItimattA ane maryAdAnuM dhoraNa to jALavavuM ja joie.' ame lUMTArA ! kuMbhAranI AvI sUphiyANI vAto sAMbhaLIe ? to... to.... amAruM corapaNuM lAje. ame lAto mArI e salAha ApanArane kADhI mUkyo. jatAM jatAM te bolato gayo : 'vinAzakALe viparIta buddhiH' ame kahyuM : hA... hA... tArI ja buddhi pharI che... mATe to tAre ahIMthI bhAgavuM paDe che. ame lUMTamAM AMdhaLA banyA hatA, madathI chakI gayA hatA. ame koinuM zAnA sAMbhaLIe ? ame to saMghane lUMTavAnuM nakkI ja karI lIdhuM. kAgaDoLe saMghanA AgamananI rAha jovA lAgyA. saMgha AvatAM ja ame amArA vyUha pramANe ekadama tUTI paDyA. acAnaka ja dhADa paDavAthI cokIdAro hataprabha banI gayA. teo koi pratikAra kare enA pahelAM ja ame temane patAvI dIdhA. amArA bhayaMkara AkramaNathI saMghanA keTalAya yAtriko bhAgI chUTyA. bhAgatA mANasanI pAse paNa jo Atma kathAo * 164 lUMTavA jevuM kAMi hatuM to te paNa ame lUMTI lIdhuM. A lUMTamAM ame khUba ja saphaLa rahyA. amane khUba ja mAla maLyo. eka varasanI lUMTamAM je na maLe te amane eka ja lUMTamAM maLI gayo. ame khUba ja AnaMdamAM AvI gayA. paNa amAro A AnaMda kSaNajIvI nIkaLyo. bhaThThilapuranA rAjAne A samAcAra maLatAM ja te amArA para gusse bharAyo. amane zikSA karavA amArA para moTuM lazkara mokalyuM. amArI chAvaNInI cAre bAju ghero ghAlyo. ame sapaDAi gayA. ame chUTavA koziza karavA lAgyA. paNa A zuM ? acAnaka ja amArI chAvaNImAM bhayaMkara Aga lAgI. jota jotAmAM ame AganI jvALAomAM lapeTAi gayA. AgathI ame bhaDa... bhaDa... baLavA mAMDyA. bhayaMkara vedanAnA kAraNe ame cIsAcIsa karI mUkI. paNa koNa sAMbhaLe? pachI to amArAmAM cIso pADavAnI paNa zakti nA rahI. AgathI bhayaMkara rIte baLelA ame badhA ja marI paravAryA... sIdhA ja naraka bhegA thai gayA. amArA jevA pApIonI bIjI kaI gati hoya ? narakanI bhayaMkara yAtanAonuM to zuM varNana karIe ? zabdomAM kahI zakAya nahi tevI bhayaMkara vedanA ame sahI. bIjAne ApelI pIDAnuM phaLa kevuM bhayaMkara hoya che te amane anubhavavA maLyuM. e pIDA... e durgaMdha... e aMdhAruM... e bhUkha... e tarasa... e trAsa... kharekhara asahya hatA. Aje paNa e yAda karatAM amane tammara AvI jAya che. seMkaDo varSo sudhI ame vedanA sahI. sahI nahi paNa 'sahavI paDI' ema kahevuM vadhu ucita gaNAze. narakanuM jIvana evuM hoya che ke tyAM koi maravA icche to paNa marI zake nahi. koi ApaghAta karI zake nahi, AyuSya pUruM thAya tyAre ja narakamAMthI chUTI zake. tamArI duniyAmAM janma AnaMdarUpa gaNAya ane mRtyu zokarUpa gaNAya, paNa amArI narakanI duniyAmAM UlaTuM hatuM. ahIM janma zokarUpa ane mRtyu AnaMdarUpa gaNAya. ghaNA kALa pachI amArA mATe AnaMdano divasa Avyo. ame mRtyu pAmI narakamAMthI bahAra nIkaLI koi moTA samudramAM mAchalAM thayA. hA... ame sATheya hajAra sAthe hatA. pApa karavAmAM sAthe hoie to bhogavavAmAM paNa sAthe ja rahevuM paDe ne ? mAchalAM tarIkenA jIvanamAM paNa koi mAchImAranI jALamAM ame Atma kathAo . 0 165

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badhA ja ekIsAthe phasAyA ane taraphaDI-taraphaDI maraNa pAmyA. tyAra pachI to ame saMsAramAM keTaluMya bhaTakyA. amane potAne paNa yAda nathI ke keTaluM bhaTakyA ? TIcAtA-kUTAtA, karmonI lAto khAtA ame eka vakhate bhIlo banyA. hA... ame sATheya hajAra sAthe ja hatA. jo ke bhIlanA bhAvamAM to sArA kAryanI AzA ja na rAkhI zakAya, paNa amArI bhavitavyatA jora karatI haze tethI amane eka muni maLI gayA. emano upadeza amane gamI gayo. amArI pallImAM ja teozrI comAsuM rahelA hatA. ame temano upadeza sAMbhaLavA dararoja javA lAgyA. dhIre-dhIre amArAmAM palaTo AvavA lAgyo. ame Ama to mAMsAhArI, zikArI ane badhI vAte pUrA hatA. paraMtu munirAjanA upadezathI ame sAteya vyasanono tyAga karyo. pachI to kaMdamULa ane rAtribhojana suddhAMno paNa ame tyAga karyo. chelle chelle to ame anazana lai lIdhuM. hA... have ame sAcA arthamAM dharmI banI gayA hatA... paNa tIrthanI AzAtanA karavAnuM saMghane lUMTavAnuM peluM karma haju gayuM hatuM. ame badhA anazanamAM dhyAnastha beThA hatA tyAM ja acAnaka amArA para vIjaLI trATakI paDI. ame ekIsAthe bhasmIbhUta banIne mRtyu pAmyA. aMtima samaye zubha lezyA hovAthI ame sadgati pAmyA. sagara cakravartInuM nAma tame sAMbhaLyuM haze ? teo bIjA bhagavAna zrI ajitanAthanA pitarAi bhAi thAya. ame sau sagara cakravartInA putro banyA. have amAruM utthAna zarU thayuM hatuM. gayA bhavamAM karelA dharmanA prabhAvathI amane ahIM apAra samRddhi maLI. cakravartInA putro hoie pachI amArA vaibhavamAM khAmI zI hoya ? paNa ame vaibhavamAM Asakta na banyA. ajitanAtha bhagavAnanA upadezathI amArA kuTuMbamAM sau dharmI banelA hatA. amane janmathI ja ucca guNavattAvALuM kuTuMba maLyuM hatuM. amArA moTAbhAinuM nAma hatuM - jal. eka vakhate tene prasanna thayelA pitAe varadAna mAMgavAnuM kahyuM tyAre teNe daMDa vagere ratno laine pRthvI para paribhramaNa karavAnI rajA mAMgI. khuza thayelA pitAe daMDarana vagere ApyA ane ame paryaTana mATe nIkaLI paDyA. jyAM jyAM tIrthasthAno Atma kathAo * 166 hatA tyAM tyAM ame jai pahoMcyA. navA-navA maMdironA darzana karatAM apAra AnaMda Avyo. eka vakhate ame aSTApada tIrthe jaI pahoMcyA. tyAM bharata cakravartInA banAvelA maMdiro joi amArA manano moralo nAcI UThyo : vAha ! kevA suMdara maMdiro ! sonAnA maMdiro ne ratnanI pratimA ! e paNa prabhunA varNa ane mAna pramANenI ! ame khUba ja bhAvathI darzana karIne pAchA vaLI rahyA hatA tyAre amane vicAra Avyo : A maMdiro to suMdara che, paNa bhAvikALa khUba ja khataranAka Avaze. ahIM sonAnA maMdiro ne ratnonI pratimA che evo khyAla jo bhaviSyakALamAM koi rAjAne AvI gayo to ahIM paNa lUMTa calAvaze ane tIrtha naSTa karaze. ApaNA vaDavAoe AvAM suMdara maMdiro banAvyAM che to tenI rakSA karavAnI ApaNI pharaja che. to tIrthanI rakSA mATe zuM karavuM ? ame sau vicAramAM paDyA. amAro moTo bhAi jahu bolyo : "ApaNe aSTApadanI AsapAsa UMDI khAi khodI nAkhIe to koi AvI zake nahi." 'tamArI vAta kharI, paNa khAi khodavI zI rIte ?" ame pUchyuM. | 'are... emAM kyAM moTI vAta che ? ApaNI pAse daMDaratna che ne? tenI madadathI thoDIvAramAM khodAi jaze.' amane badhAne jahunI A vAta gamI. ame khAi khodavA maMDI paDyA. daMDana jevuM eka hajAra devothI adhiSThita sAdhana hatuM ne amAro utsAha hato. pachI joie zuM? ame to jota-jotAmAM khUba ja UMDuM khodI nAkhyuM. eka hajAra yojana UMDI khAi karI nAkhI. paNa 'tti sarvatra varjayet A sUtra ame bhUlI gayA. ati khodavAnuM pariNAma sAruM na AvyuM. ame eTaluM badhuM UMDuM khodI nAkhyuM ke nIce rahelA nAgadevo (bhavanapati devo)nA bhavano paNa thoDAke khodAi gayA. AthI teono adhipati javalanaprabha deva krodhathI dhamadhamato amArI pAse Avyo ane bolavA lAgyo : are... tame A zuM mAMDyuM che ? pRthvIkAyano ATalo bhayaMkara AraMbha ? zA mATe A badhuM karo cho ? amArA bhavano tUTI paDyA tyAM sudhI khodAya ?' ame kahyuM : amAro uddeza tamArAM raheThANo toDavAno nathI, paNa tIrtharakSAno che. bhaviSyanA loko A tIrthano nAza Atma kathAo * 167

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na kare mATe ame khAi khodI che.' amArA javAbathI jvalanaprabha deva kAMika zAMta thayo ne bolyo H sAruM tyAre. tame ajitanAthanA bhatrIjA cho ne sagaracakrInA putro cho. eTale huM kAMi karato nathI, paNa bIjIvAra khyAla rAkhajo.' jvalanaprabha jato rahyo. jannune pharI vicAra Avyo : A khAi to kALe karIne pUrAi jaze ne ApaNI yojanA niSphaLa jaze. mATe ApaNe A khAine gaMgA nadIthI bharI daie to ? jannuno A vicAra amane paNa gamI gayo. ame ThaMDaratnathI khodIne gaMgA nadIno pravAha ahIM sudhI lai AvyA ane pANIno pravAha pUrajozathI khAimAM paDavA lAgyo. paNa jvalanaprabhanA bhavanomAM pharI upadrava thayo. enA bhavanomAM pANI bharAvA lAgyuM. have te krodhathI AMdhaLo bhIMta banyo. te krodhathI dhUMApUMA thato Avyo ane bolyo H bevakUpho ! tamane nA pADI hatI ke have kAMi karazo nahi... chatAM tame tamAruM DahApaNa DoLyuM ? have bIjIvAra tamane mAphI nahi maLe. ame kAMi javAba ApIe te pahelAM to jvalanaprabhanI AMkhamAthI bhayaMkara AganI jvALA nIkaLI. ame sATheya hajAra ekIsAthe bhasmIbhUta banI gayA. jvalanaprabha bicAro zuM kare ? e to mAtra nimitta hato. kharekhara to amArA karme ja amane bALyA hatA. saMghane lUMTavAnuM baMdhAyelu karma haju paNa saMpUrNa naSTa nhotuM thayuM enuM ja A phaLa hatuM. amArI sAthe AvelA sainiko to jotA ja rahI gayA : arara A zuM thayuM ? ApaNI najara samakSa ja ApaNA mAlika bhasmIbhUta banI gayA? have cakravartIne moM zI rIte batAvazuM ? koi ayodhyAmAM paga mUkavA taiyAra nathI. tyAre eka brAhmaNe AvIne kahyuM : ciMtA nahi karatA. tamAruM kAma huM saMbhALIza. e koinuM binavArasI maDaduM laine rAjAnA mahela pAse jai raDavA lAgyo. sagara mahArAjAe kAraNa pUchatAM teNe kahyuM H mahArAjA! mAro ekano eka putra sarpadaMzathI mRtyu pAmyo che. tame ene jivADI Apo. nahi to huM jIvI nahi zakuM. dayALu mahArAjAe tarata ja gAruDiko bolAvyA. teoe prayatno karyA paNa vyartha ! mUrchita thayelAne jAgRta karI zakAya paNa marelAne kyAMthI jivADI zakAya ? chatAM Atma kathAo - 168 brAhmaNane duHkha na thAya mATe kahyuM : bhUdeva ! tame jenA ghera koinuM mRtyu na thayuM hoya tevA gharathI rAkha lai Avo to ame tamArA putrane jivADI daie. paNa evI rAkha maLe kyAMthI ? badhAnA kuTuMbamAM koine koi to mareluM hoya ja ne ? khuda mahArAjAe paNa kahyuM : he brAhmaNa ! mArA kuTuMbamAM paNa ghaNA-ghaNA moTA-moTA mANaso thayA che. bhagavAna zrI AdinAtha, bharata cakravartI, bAhubalI, sUryayaza, somayaza, daMDavIrya vagere moTA moTA paNa gujarI gayA che. koi mokSamAM gayA to koi svargamAM paNa ahIM koi kAyama rahI zakyuM nathI to tAro putra kyAMthI rahI zake ? paNa brAhmaNe potAnI lapa choDI nahi. e bolyo : mahArAjA ! game tema karIne mArA putrane jivADo. ekano eka e putra to mArA hRdayano TukaDo hato. mAruM sarvasva hatuM. mArA prANano AdhAra hato. mArI AMkhanI kIkI hato. are... mArA jIvananuM paNa jIvana hato. tame to samartha cho. mAruM ATaluM kAma karI Apo.' sagara mahArAjAe kahyuM : 'huM to zuM indra paNa marelAne jIvADI zake nahi. mATe have tame kudaratanA sahaja kramane svIkAro ne vairAgyabhAvano Azraya lo.' 'ema ? tamArA jIvanamAM AvuM kAMi thAya to tame paNa vairAgyabhAvano Azraya lezo ? brAhmaNe bAjI palaTAvI. 'hAsto vaLI.' mahArAjAe sahaja rIte kahyuM. 'to sAMbhaLo. tamArA sATheya hajAra putro mRtyu pAmyA che.' 'he... zuM vAta karo cho ?' mahArAjA tarata ja mUcchita thaine dharatI para DhaLI paDyA. pachI jAgRta thai bhayaMkara vilApa karavA lAgyA. Akhare e vilApa vairAgyamAM palaTAyo : arere... huM to manoratho karato hato ke mArA putro pRthvInA zaNagAra banaze. cArebAju mArA nAmane ajavALaze. paNa... badhA ekI sAthe cAlyA gayA. huM ajitanAtha bhagavAnanI dezanA sAMbhaLavA chatAM... saMsAra asAra che... ema jANavA chatAM keTalo mUDha rahyo ? vyartha manorathonA mInArA caNato rahyo. have huM evo muktino mInAro caNuM ke je kadI paNa kALanA jhapATAmAM tUTe nahi. Atma kathAo * 169

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- (4) huM DAmarzaka amArA mRtyuthI vairAgyavAsita banelA amArA pitAe rAjayagAdI para amArA moTAbhAi jahunA putra bhagIrathane besADI pote ajitanAtha bhagavAna pAse dIkSita banyA. ghora sAdhanA karI kevaLajJAna prApta karI mokSe gayA. amArA moTA bhAi jahunA nAma parathI gaMgA jAhnavI tarIke paNa oLakhAya che ne tenA putra bhagIrathanA nAma parathI te bhAgIrathI tarIke paNa oLakhAya che. have tame jANavA icchatA hazo ke amAruM zuM thayuM ? nA... marIne ame durgatimAM na gayA, paNa svargamAM gayA. kAraNa ke amAro uddeza tIrthanI rakSAno hato. phaLa haMmezAM uddeza pramANe maLe. hA... ame tIrthanI AzAtanAnuM ghora phaLa paNa cAkhI lIdhuM hatuM ane have tIrtharakSAnA kevA rUDAM phaLa hoya che e paNa cAkhavA maLyA. amArA jIvana parathI tamane jANavA maLyuM ne ke tIrthanI AzAtanA ane tIrthanI bhaktinA kevA kharAbasArA phaLo maLatA hoya che ? to have tame kadI tIrthanI AzAtanA karatA nahi. nahi karone ? nAnapaNathI ja mArA upara duHkhanA pahADo tUTI paDyA hatA... paNa te chatAM mAre eTaluM to kahevuM ja paDaze ke duHkhanA e pahADo mArI pAse AvatAM-AvatAM to kAMkarA banI gayA. are... rUnI pUNI banI gayA. koine paNa Azcarya thAya - evuM mAruM jIvana che. mArI janmabhUmi rAjagRhI, mArA pitA samRddha zeTha, paNa mane emanA nAmanI khabara ja nathI. kAraNa ke huM 7-8 varSano hato tyAre ja mAruM saMpUrNa kuTuMba mahAmArIthI marI paravAyuM hatuM. bhayano mAryo huM ghara choDIne bhAgI gayo hato. ghara choDI dIdhuM e kadAca sAruM ja karyuM, nahi to huM paNa rogano bhoga banI jAta. sAgara zeThane ghera huM ghara-kAma karavA lAgyo. Ama to zeTha bhalA hatA, paNa eka divasa zeThajInI AMkha karaDAkI-bharI thai gai. te divase be jaina munio bhikSA mATe AvelA. aMdaro-aMdara mArA viSe kazuM vAta karatA hoya ane zeThajIe sAMbhaLI lIdhI hoya - evuM banI zake. tyAra pachI zeThajI mArA para nArAja rahetA hatA. traNa-cAra divasa pachI huM gharathI bahAra jai rahyo hato tyAM ja sAme bhayaMkara AkRtivALo caMDALa maLyo. dhagadhagatA aMgArA jevI tenI AMkho joi huM to dhrUjavA lAgyo. eNe mAro hAtha pakaDIne hAkoTo karyo : aya chokaraDA ! cAla mArI sAthe. kyAM ? baDabaDa nA kara. mArI sAthe cAlyo Ava.. nahi to A talavAra joi che? ema bolatAM ja eka lApho coDI dIdho. huM daDa... daDa... raDI paDyo. paNa mArI AMkhonA AMsu luchanAra koi hotuM. mane e smazAnabhUmie lai gayo. hAthamAM khullI talavAra lai e bolI UThyo : chokarA ! Atma kathAo * 171 Atma kathAo * 170

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bhagavAnanuM nAma yAda karI le. have tAro aMtakALa AvI pahoMcyo che. A talavAra have tAruM DokuM uDAvI deze. huM pharI raDI paDyo. ne... caMDALanI AkRti badalAi gai. eno bihAmaNo cahero sohAmaNo banI rahyo hoya tevuM lAgyuM. mArI bALa-sahaja nirdoSatA joI enA hRdayamAM dayAnuM jharaNuM phUTyuM hoya - tema lAgyuM. kaMika saumyatAthI te bolyo : TeNIyA ! Aje to huM tAruM mAthuM nathI kApato, mAtra hAthanI TacalI AMgaLI ja kApuM chuM. paraMtu pharI A nagaramAM tuM Avyo to mAthuM ja kapAi jaze. samajyo ? ne... eNe talavArathI mArI TacalI AMgaLI kApI nAkhI. huM lohInIMgaLatA hAthe dhUma dabAvIne bhAgyo. huM tyAre to kAMi samajI na zakyo, paNa moTo thayA pachI huM samajyo ke zeThajI mane mArI naMkhAvavA mAMgatA hatA. jaina sAdhuonI vAta chUpI rIte sAMbhaLatAM emane khabara paDI gayelI ke huM gharano mAlika thavAno chuM. nokara mAlika banI jAya - e kAMi cAle ? AvA koi khyAla zeThe mane mAravA A caMDALane taiyAra karyo hato. e to sAruM thayuM ke caMDALe dayALu banI mane jIvato choDI mUkyo, nahi to mAruM mAthuM tyAre ja vaDhAi jAta. huM tyAMthI thoDe dUra koi gokuLamAM jaI caDyo. tyAM mane gAyonI rakhevALInuM kAma paNa maLI gayuM. yogyatA hoya to kAma sAmethI AvI maLe che. Aje tamArAmAMnA ghaNA loko bekArI haTAvo... bekArI haTAvo... nI bUmo mArI rahyA che, paNa koi potAnI yogyatA para vicAratuM nathI. bekArI vakhate kAma-kAmanI bUmo mAranArA e ja mANaso kAma maLatAM kAmacora banI jAya che ! kharI vAta che : yogyatAnI ! mANasa lAyaka bane eTale kAma potAnI meLe AvI maLe. vizvamAM DhagalAbaMdha kAmo moM phADIne UbhA che, yogya puruSanI vATa joi rahyA che. bekArI dUra karavAnI vAta karanAro yuvaka jo yogyatA meLavavAnI dizAmAM vicAre to ghaNuM kAma svayameva Atma kathAo * 172 saraLa banI jAya. kAma maLI gayA pachI huM kadI kAmacora banyo nahi. mane mAruM kAma khUba gamatuM. gAyone huM khUba prema karato. huM pratyeka kAma dilathI karato. - Ama karatAM-karatAM daseka varSanA vahANA vAi gayA. have huM aDhAra varSano juvAna banI gayo hato. nAnapaNanI vAta lagabhaga vIsAre paDI gai hatI. eka divase acAnaka ja olA sAgara zeTha gokuLamAM AvI caDyA. mane jotAM ja camakI UThyA. temaNe mane pUchyuM : tAruM nAma dAmazake ? meM kahyuM : hAjI. tuM sAgara zeThane tyAM kAma karato hato ? hAjI. zeThajI pharI vicAranA cagaDoLe caDI gayA. pharI-pharI mArI kapAyelI AMgaLI tarapha jovA lAgyA. temanuM mana jANe bolI rahyuM hatuM : haM.. A to e ja birAdara... ekAda kalAka pachI zeTha pharI mArI pAse AvyA ane kahyuM : alyA dAmannaka ! tuM eka kAma karIza ? jarUra zeThajI ! ApanuM kAma nahi karuM to konuM karIza ? mane tyAre vicAra suddhA hoto Avyo ke A zeThajI mane ja mAravAnI peravImAM che. dasa varSa pahelA niSphaLa gayelI yojanAne pharI saphaLa banAvavAnI vetaraNamAM che. huM to zeTha pratye eTalo ja pUjya bhAva dharAvato hato. ApaNe koinuM bhUMDuM na karIe to ApaNuM bhUMDuM koNa karI zakavAnuM che? bIjo mANasa ApaNuM bhUMDuM karavA AkAza-pAtALa eka karI nAkhe... paNa e nahi karI zake.... kAraNa ke ApaNe bhalA hatA, puNya ApaNA pakSamAM hatuM. bhUMDuM karanAra bIjAnuM nahi, paNa potAnuM ja bhUMDuM karI rahyo che. A satya siddhAMtanI pratIti tamane mArA jIvanamAMthI Dagale-pagale maLyA karaze. Atma kathAo * 173

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zeThajIe tyAre mane eka baMdha kavara ApyuM ane kahyuM ke zaheramAM jaladI jai mArA putrane A kavara ApI deje. bhale zeThajI ! kahIne huM UpaDyo... rAjagRhI tarapha. jaladI-jaladI cAlato hovAthI huM zahera AvatAM-AvatAM to thAkI-pAkIne lotha thai gayo. kyAMka ArAma karavAnI icchA thai AvI. zahera bahAra bagIco hato. tyAM ArAma karavA huM gayo. bagIcAnI vacce kAmadevanuM maMdira hatuM. enA oTalA para meM laMbAvI dIdhuM. UMgha kyAre AvI gai tenI khabareya na paDI. thAkelA mANasane UMgha zodhavI paDatI nathI, UMgha ene zodhatI Ave che. Aje tamAre UMghanI goLIo levI paDe che. kAraNa ke tame parizramano mahimA ja bhUlI gayA cho. ALasane tame ArAma samajI beThA cho. huM jAgyo tyAre ThIka... ThIka... samaya vItI gayo hato. jaladIjaladI jai meM sAgara zeThanA putrane kavara ApyuM. paNa... A zuM ? eNe to kavara vAMcIne tarata ja mane navA vastro paherAvI gora mahArAjane bolAvIne potAnI bena viSAnA mArI sAthe lagna ja karAvI dIdhA. A lagnanuM rahasya to mane ghaNA TAima pachI viSA dvArA jANavA maLyuM. viSAe mane eka divase kaheluM ke tame jyAre maMdiranA oTale sUtA hatA tyAre huM kAmadevanA darzanArthe AvelI. tamArI sohAmaNI AkRti ane majabUta bAMdho joine ja huM prathama kSaNe ja tamArA para mohI paDelI. tamArA khIsAmAMnA kavarano ardho bhAga bahAra dekhAto hato. temAM pitAjInA hastAkSaro joi mane kutuhala thayuM. jarA joi to lauM ! zuM lakhyuM che aMdara ? kavara kholIne ciThThI vAMcIne huM to kti ja thai gai. aMdara lakhyuM hatuM H ciraMjIvI samudrane jaNAvavAnuM ke AvanAra bhAine tarata ja viSa ApI deje. AmAM jarAya saMdeha ke vilaMba karIza nahi. AvA suMdara yuvAnane viSa ApI devAnuM ? mArI nAkhavAno ? nahi... nahi... A viSane nahi paNa viSAne lAyaka che. mAruM aMtaHkaraNa Atma kathAo * 174 Apane joine bolI UThyuM. huM ApanA para mohI paDI hatI. Apane varavAno saMkalpa lai beThI hatI. meM game te bhoge Apane bacAvavAno nirNaya karI lIdho. strIsahaja buddhithI meM tarata ja mArI AMkhomAnA kAjaLane AMgaLInA nakhamAM lai viSanI AgaLa eka mAtrA lagADI dIdhI. viSanuM viSA thai gayuM. pachI to Apa jANo ja cho ke zuM thayuM ? eka mAtrAe mAro ane Apano Akho jIvana-nakazo ja badalAvI dIdho... kharUMne ? - ema kahIne e mane bheTI paDI. have huM sAgara zeThano jamAi thai gayo hato. acAnaka varasI paDelI bhAgya lIlA huM sasmita AMkhe joi rahyo hato. paNa... gokuLathI pAchA pharelA mArA sasarA sAgare jyAre A badhuM UMdhuM vetarAi gayuM che, evuM jANyuM tyAre stabdha banI gayA. arere... A zuM thai gayuM ? kaMsAranI thUlI thai gai ! gaNapati doravA jatAM vAMdaro dorAi gayo ! kaMku banAvavA jatAM kIcaDa thai gayo ! A nokara dAmajJaka jamAi banI gayo. huM je je karuM te UMdhuM kema paDe che ? zuM Akhare dAmajJaka ja mAlika banaze ? zuM pelA munionI AgAhI kharI paDaze ? nA... nA... ema huMye kAMi kAco nathI. ema AgAhI kharI paDavA nahi dauM ! prayatnathI game tema karIne eno kAMTo kADhIza. prArabdha sAme Akhare puruSArtha jIte ja che. lAva... haju eka dAva lagAvI dauM. A vakhate to evuM karuM... evuM karuM ke dAmannaka koi paNa hisAbe jIvato ja na bace ! olA caMDALe te vakhate mane ullu banAvelo. A vakhate jo eNe kAma na karyuM to huMye kAMi kAco nathI. zeThe to pelA caMDALane bolAvIne barAbara pATha bhaNAvI dIdho. amuka rAte... amuka samaye amukane upara pahoMcADavAno che. jo, pahelAM jevuM te karyuM to tArI khera nathI. ne... A vakhate caMDALa paNa barAbara taiyAra thai gayo. Akhare caMDALa kharone ? caMDa - ugra - kAryo karavA sadA tatpara rahe tenuM nAma caMDALa ! paNa... caMDALa karatAMya khataranAka banyA hatA mArA sasarA ! caMDALa to bicAro lAcAra che. AvA kAryo Atma kathAo - 175

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tene janmathI karavA paDe che... koi caMDALa potAnI putrIne potAnA hAthe vidhavA na banAve, paNa A zeTha to potAnI ja putrIne vidhavA banAvavA paitarA racI rahyA hatA. kharo caMDALa koNa ? jo ke... mane A petarAnI koi ja khabara nahotI... huM to mArI mastImAM masta hato. A to badhuM bahu pAchaLathI jANyuM. ama daMpatI jyAre sasarA pAse AzIrvAda levA gayA tyAre temaNe mIThuM-mIThuM hasIne AzIrvAda ApyA. paNa... A mIThuM hAsya luccA rAjakAraNInuM che - ema mArA jevA bhalAbhoLA kizorane kyAMthI samajAya ? pachI emaNe kahyuM : ApaNe tyAM evI kula - paraMparA che ke lagna pachI mAtRkAdevInA maMdire darzanArthe javuM. tame e vidhi karI ke nahi? na karI hoya to Aje rAtre maMdire darzana karI Avajo. meM hA pADI dIdhI. huM vizvasta hato, paNa mArI patnI viSA pitAnI dAnata tarapha thoDI zaMkita hatI... chatAM have to jamAine kAMi nahi kare - ema Azvasta paNa hatI. rAta paDatAM ja huM to cAlyo maMdira tarapha. rastAmAM mAro sALo samudra sAme malyo. kyAM UpaDyA... banevIjI ? eNe pUchyuM. kuLa paraMparAnuM pAlana karavA. kai kuLa - paraMparA ? lagna pachI mAtRkAdevInA maMdire javAnI. te... ghora rAte ? banevIjI ! AvI rAte ApanAthI nA javAya. kuLa-paraMparA huM sAcavI laiza. tama-tamAre ghera pAchA pharo. huM maMdira jAuM chuM. pitAjIne jaNAvI dejo. sALAnI vAta mAnI huM to pAcho pharyo. mArA vatI sALo maMdire gayo. have tyAM zuM banyuM haze? - enI tame kalpanA karI zako cho. maMdiramAM chUpAi rahelA caMDALe devI sAme jhUkelA samudranuM mAthuM vadherI nAkhyuM. A samAcAra mArA sasarA sAgarane maLyA haze - tyAre zuM thayuM haze ? tame kalpanA karI juo. tamArI kalpanAmAM tamane raDatA, cIso pADatA, mAthuM kUTatA, kalpAMta karatA sAgara zeTha dekhAze. arere.. A to mArA prayatnathI dAmannaka mArA ja gharano mAlika banI gayo. enA karatAM meM kAMi ja na karyuM hota to keTaluM sAruM? hAya ! hAya ! zuM thai gayuM ? - ema karuNa vilApa karatA zeThajI tamane dekhAze. kalpanAne haju vadhu laMbAvo. to tamane zeThajInI smazAnayAtrA dekhAze... AghAtathI hRdaya phUTI jatAM mRtyu pAmelA zeThajI dekhAze. hA... tamArI kalpanA taddana kharI che. zeThajIne eTalo AghAta lAgyo ke teo mRtyu pAmyA ane rAjAnA puruSoe mane gharano mAlika banAvI dIdho. AnuM nAma puNya ! ApaNuM puNya jora mAratuM hoya to koi bhale ne paththara mAre... paththara paNa pagathiyuM banI jAya, koi bhale ne kIcaDa uchALe. kIcaDa paNa kaMku banI jAya... kAMTA paNa phUla banI jAya. paNa A puNya baMdhAya zI rIte ? utkRSTa jIvadayA, utkRSTa paropakAra yA utkRSTa prabhu-bhaktithI AvA utkRSTa puNyanuM sarjana thatuM hoya che. mane jJAnI gurunA mukhe sAMbhaLavA maLyuM ke pUrvanA bhavamAM huM sunaMda nAmano mAchImAra hato. eka vakhate jaina muninA paricayamAM AvavAthI mAchImArIno tyAga karyo. AthI mArA kuTuMbIo mArA para nArAja thayA. dukALa vakhate mane parANe mAchImArI mATe mokalyo. icchA jarAya hotI chatAM meM parANe pANImAM jALa nAkhI. jALamAM phasAyelI eka mAchalInI pAMkha kapAtAM tene taraphaDatI jotAM mAruM hRdaya dravI UDyuM : arere... nAzavaMta dehane TakAvavA AvI hiMsA ? mane eka kAMTo vAge che ne huM cIsa pADI UThuM chuM... to pAMkha kapAtAM mAchalIne zuM thatuM haze ? koine huM jIvana ApI zakato nathI to koinuM jIvana levAno mAro zo adhikAra che ? mAruM hRdaya karuNAthI chalakAvA lAgyuM. meM tyAre ja jALane pheMkI dIdhI ane anazana lai lIdhuM. marIne A janmamAM huM dAmannake banyo. mAchalInI pAMkha kapAi hatI eTale mArI Atma kathAo * 177 Atma kathAo * 176

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|| zrI ehate namaH || zrI padma-jIta-hIra-kanaka-devendra-kalApUrNa sUrigurubhyo namaH | AMgaLI kapAi, paNa pUrvajanmanuM dayAjanya puNya A bhavamAM mane Dagalepagale kAma AvyuM. paccakakhANa bhASyamAM Aje paNa tame mane yAda karo cho ne? "iha loe dhammilAi, dAmajJagamAi para loe" dAmannaga te huM pote - dAmaka ! lekhaka - saMpAdaka taraphathI... ('parakAya - pravezanI prathama AvRttimAMthI) kahevAya che ke Adya zaMkarAcArye kAmazAstramAM maMDanamizranI patnI bhAmatIne harAvavA para kAya praveza vidyA dvArA koi mRta rAjAnA zarIramAM praveza karelo. kAmazAstramAM pravINatA keLavIne pachI bhAmatIne harAvelI. prAcIna kALamAM parakAyapraveza vidyA hatI, evA pramANo maLe che. kalikAla sarvajJa zrI hemacandrasUrijIe paNa yogazAstranA pAMcamA prakAzanA aMte parakAya praveza vidyA aMge thoDo izAro karyo che. jo ke temAM khatarAnuM signala paNa ApyuM che. paNa UbhA raho... A pustakamAM e parakAya praveza vidyA aMge koi vAta nathI. ahIM to lakhanAranA hRdaye koinAmAM praveza karyo che. lakhanAra je paNa padArthamAM ke vyaktimAM praveza kare che, e jIvaMta thai UThe che. ahIM A rIte bhUtakALanA pAtrone jIvaMta karAyA che. zAntisaurabha, pIyUSa preraNA, kalyANa, arva suMdaram ityAdi mAsikomAM pragaTa thayelA A lekho vAcakone gamaze tevI AzA che. A pustakanA vAMcananA mAdhyame loko potAnuM paNa Atma-nirIkSaNa kare tathA doSonA nirAkaraNa ane guNonA prakaTIkaraNanA mArge AgaLa vadhe, e ja zubha kAmanA che. - gaNi muktiyandravijaya - muni municandravijaya poSa vada 11, saM. 2055 tA. 31-1-1999 jaina upAzraya sekaTara 15, nerula, navI muMbaI upadhAna - mAlAropaNa divasa. parakAya - praveza * 179 Atma kathAo * 178

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(5) huM caMdanA huM rAjakumArI ! vasumatI mAruM nAma ! khUba ja lADakoDathI UcharelI. du:khanuM moDhuM paNa kadI joyuM nhotuM ! paNa acAnaka ja kALe karavaTa badalI. huM duHkha - pizAcanA jaDabAmAM dhakelAi ! amArA rAjya para zatru-senAe humalo karyo. acAnaka ja thayelA zatruonA bhAre dhasArAthI mArA pitAjIne ekadama dhrAsako lAgyo. emanuM hRdaya besI gayuM ane tarata ja mRtyu pAmyA. maMtrIoe AvIne amane kahyuM : 'tame jaladI-jaladI bhAgI chUTo. zatruo hamaNAM ja killo toDIne nagaramAM AvI pahoMcaze. pachI bacavuM muzkela banaze. jIvatA rahezo to kadIka rAjya pAmazo. mATe pahelAM jIva bacAvo. maMtrInI salAhathI ame mA-dIkarI gupta mArge bhAgI chUTavA... ! amArA thoDAka puNyodaye amane eka ghoDesavAra maLI gayo. ghoDA para besIne ame bahu dUra-dUra nIkaLI gayA... ghora jaMgalamAM ! paNa durbhAgya amArI pAchaLa bhaTakatuM hatuM ! ghoDesavArane kumati jAgI. teNe mArI mAtAne kahyuM : 'tuM mArI patnI bana. huM tane jIvanabhara sAcavIza.' mArI mA to atyaMta pativratA ! AvA zabdo sAMbhaLIne te stabdha thai gai ! teNIne potAnuM zIla jokhamamAM lAgyuM. A duSTa mane bhraSTa banAve enA pahelAM ja jIvanano aMta ANI dauM. evo vicAra karI jIbha kacarI mArI mAtAe ApaghAta karI lIdho. mAno mRtadeha joi huM raDI UThI ! o nasIba ! haju tAre keTalA duHkho mokalavA che ? pitA gayA, rAjya gayuM ane mAne paNa te jhUMTavI lIdhI ? nirAzAnA dariyAmAM DUbelI huM paNa ApaghAta karavA taiyAra thai. have mAre jIvIne kAma paNa zuM hatuM ? konA sahAre jIvuM ? mAruM rakSaNa kyAM ? uparathI AkAza jatuM rahyuM hatuM ane nIcethI dharatI khasI gai hatI. mAre javuM kyAM ? hA - pitA e ja mArA AkAza hatA ane mA e ja mArI dharatI hatI. huM ApaghAta karavA taiyAra thai, paNa ghoDesavAre mane aTakAvI. mArI mAnA ApaghAtathI e Atma kathAo * 180 paNa stabdha banI gayo hato. enA dilamAM mANasAinA jhAMkhA dIvA jhabUkyA hatA. e bolyo : bena ! tuM ApaghAta karIza nahi. huM tane kAMi nahi karuM ! tuM mArI putrI che.' ghoDesavAranA AvA vacanothI mane jIvavAnI kaMika hiMmata pragaTI. pelo ghoDesavAra mane koi nagaramAM lai gayo, jyAM strIo vecAtI hatI te bajAramAM mane vecANanI vastu tarIke UbhI rAkhI. huM rAjakumArI atyAre bajAramAM dAsInI jema vecAi rahI hatI ! hAya nasIba ! tuM kyAMthI kyAM laI jAya che ? tuM dAsIne rAjakumArI banAve che, to rAjakumArIne dAsI banAve che. akaLa che tArI karAmata ! huM mArA nasIba para raDI rahI ! Ama to jo ke koi duSTa akkA mane kharIdIne vezyA ja banAvata, paNa mAruM bhAvi UjaLuM hatuM. eka zeThanI mArA para najara paDI ane mAruM bhAgya palaTAi gayuM ! zeThe vicAryuM : 'A koi khAnadAna kanyA lAge che. Ane koi vezyA banAve enA karatAM huM mAre ghera dIkarI tarIke rAkhuM to ekanuM jIvana veDaphAi jatuM bacaze.' e zeThane tyAM huM dIkarI tarIke rahI. zeThanuM nAma hatuM dhanAvaha ! bahu ja bhalA zeTha ! paNa emanAM patnI ! bhAre duSTa ! bhAre karkaza ! bole tyAre DoLA kADhIne ja bole. zeTha para zaMkAzIla paNa eTalAM ja ! e zeThANInuM nAma hatuM H mULA zeThANI ! vahemIlAM eTalAM ke mane paNa zaMkAnI najare ja jue ! zeThane mArA para apAra nirdoSa - nirmaLa prema ! paNa zeThANIne to emAM paNa zaMkA jAge. kamaLAvALAne badhuM pILuM ja dekhAyane ? emAMya eka vakhate bhAre thai gai. zeThajI bahArathI Ave tyAre huM haMmezAM paga dhovarAvatI. eka vakhate mAro coTalo pANImAM paDI gayo. zeThe lAkaDIthI te coTalo mArI pITha para mUkyo. A dRzya joi rahyA hatAM zeThANI... basa thai rahyuM ! zaMkAno kIDo saLavaLI UThyo : Avo prema kone hoya ? mAthAnA vALane koNa hAtha lagADe ? premI ja ne ? zeTha gharaDA thayA che, paNa mana gharaDuM thayuM nathI. vAMdaro game teTalo gharaDo parakAya - praveza - 181

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thAya, paNa e gulAMTa thoDo bhUle ? huM gharaDI thai gai che eTale emane kyAMthI game? have to lAge che ke e navayauvanA sAthe lagna karaze ne mAruM koI sthAna nahi rahe. kadAca mane gharamAMthI kADhI paNa mUke. paNa huMye kyAM kama chuM? huM mULA chuM ? mArA zatrune mULamAMthI ukheDI nAkhanArI huM mULA ! A rAMDane huM mULamAMthI ukheDuM nahi to mAruM nAma mULA nahi. lAga Ave eTalI ja vAra che. mULAnA hRdayamAM iSyanI Aga bhaDakI UThI. eka vakhate zeTha bahAragAma gayA ane mULAne managamatI taka maLI gai. mULAe tarata ja hajAmane bolAvyo. mAruM muMDana karAvI, mArA hAthepage beDIo lagAvI mane eka oraDAmAM pUrI dIdhI. bahAra tALuM lagAvI bIje divase zeThajI AvyA. pUchyuM : caMdanA kyAM che ? mAruM mULa nAma to vasumatI, paNa zeThajIe mAruM nAma pADeluM caMdanA ! huM temane caMdana jevI zItaLa lAgI eTale ! zeThe pUchyuM tyAre koi kAMi bolyuM nahi. koNa bole ? zeThANIe badhAne jAnanI dhamakI ApelI. jAna khovA koNa taiyAra thAya ? zeThajI samajyA : kyAMka bahAra gai haze. hamaNAM Avaze. paNa te to na AvI. zeThajInI ciMtA vadhI gai. vAraMvAra nokara vagerene pUche che paNa koi kazuM bolatuM nathI. Akhare cothA divase eka vRddha dAsIe zeThajIne mArI badhI vAta kahI dIdhI. sAthe sAthe e paNa kahI dIdhuM ke juo zeThajI ! zeThANIe mane jAnanI dhamakI ApI che, paNa jAnanI paravA nathI. jIvI-jIvIne Ameya huM keTaluM jIvavAnI ? gharaDI to thai ja gai chuM. Aja sudhI ApanA para pUrNa vaphAdArIthI vartI chuM ane chelle sudhI vartavA mAMguM chuM. vRddha dAsInI vAta sAMbhaLI zeTha coMkI UThyA. mULA ATalI harAmakhora ! ATalI napAvaTa ! ATalI vahemIlI ! paNa zeThajIne vadhu vicAravAno samaya hoto. e to tarata ja pahoMcyA mArA oraDA pAse. oraDo kholyo. mArA dedAra joi teo stabdha banI gayA. traNa-traNa divasathI mArA peTamAM anAja-pANI gayuM hotuM. huM bhUkhI hatI. mArA Atma kathAo * 182 mAthe muMDana ane hAthe-page beDIo joi zeThajI dravI UThyA. mane bhUkhI joi khAvAnuM levA gharamAM gayA to tyAM kAMi nahotuM. eka sUpaDAmAM aDadanA bAkaLA (Dhora mATenA) paDelA hatA te lai AvyA ane kahevA lAgyA : A tuM khAi le. huM hamaNAM luhArane bolAvI lAvuM chuM. mArI hAlata vicitra hatI. karmasattAe mArI bhayaMkara viDaMbanA karI hatI. sukha ane duHkhanI pUrI ghaTamALa meM nAnakaDI jiMdagImAM joi nAkhI hatI. rAjakumArI hatI tyAre sukhI. pitA-mAtAnA mRtyuthI ane rAjyanAzathI pharI du:khI ! zeTha pAse AvI tyAre sukhI ane Aje pharI duHkhI ! "kabhI dhUpa ! kabhI chAyA, aisI saMsArakI mAyA.' e ukti mArA jIvanamAM atyaMta caritArtha banI hatI. ThIka, karmane gamyuM te kharuM ! mArI duHkhI avasthAthI huM duHkhI hotI ! duHkhanA jherane pacAvavAnI majabUta jaTharAgni huM dharAvatI hatI ! duHkhathI DaratI hota to kyAranIye marI gaI hota ! paNa kudarata mane duHkhanI AgamAM zekI-zekIne ekadama majabUta banAvavA mAMgatI hatI. e mane koi ucca sthAnamAM sthApita karavA mATe pUruM ghaDatara karavA mAMgatI hatI. AgamAM paDyA vinA mATI kadI ghaDo banI zakatI nathI. AgamAM paDyA pahelAM paNa tene kuMbhAranA TapalAM khAvA paDe che. mane karmanA kuMbhAre TapalAM mArI-mArIne have duHkhanI AgamAM nAkhI hatI. ghaDo bane tyAre mastake sthAna maLe. mATIne moTapa kyAre maLI ? ghaDulI kyAre zira para caDI ? mane kudarata mATImAMthI kadAca ghaDo banAvavA mAMgatI hatI ane saunA mastake sthAna apAvavA mAMgatI hatI. paNa kudaratanuM A gaNita tyAre mArA khyAla bahAra ja hatuM. mArI sAme sUpaDAmAM aDadanA bAkaLA paDelA hatA, peTamAM tIvra bhUkha hatI, paNa tyAre mane vicAra Avyo : huM emane ema bhojana karIza ? ekalapaTA thaIne jamavuM e mArA saMskArathI taddana viruddha che. mAruM hRdaya koi atithinI jhaMkhanA karavA lAgyuM. tyAM ja "dharmalAbha" zabda saMbhaLAyo ! parakAya - praveza * 183

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oha ! sAkSAtu mahAvIradeva mAre AMgaNe padhAryA hatA. mAruM romaroma AnaMdathI jhUmI UThyuM. mAruM samagra astitva AnaMdamaya banI gayuM ! prabhu jevA prabhu mAre tyAM ! huM gadgad banI gai. meM prabhune aDadanA bAkaLA vahorAvavA sUpaDuM hAthamAM lIdhuM. paNa A zuM ? prabhu to pAchA vaLI rahyA hatA - vahoryA vinA ja ! huM dhrUjI UThI ! hAya ! hAya ! huM kevI kamabhAgI ! prabhu jevA prabhu mArA AMgaNethI pAchA jAya ? huM rAjakumArImAMthI dAsI banI enuM duHkha hotuM, traNa-traNa divasathI khAvA nhotuM maLyuM enuM duHkha nahotuM, paNa prabhu pAchA gayA enuM mane bhayaMkara duHkha hatuM. huM ghUsake-dhrusake raDI paDI : basa mAruM ATaluM paNa bhAgya nahi ? mArA hibakAMno avAja sAMbhaLI prabhue mArI sAme joyuM ane pAchA vaLyA. vahorAvavA hAtha laMbAvyA. huM to A dezyathI AbhI ja banI gai hatI. atyaMta bhAvapUrvaka meM bAkaLA vahorAvyA. te ja vakhate aho dAna aho dAna' evI AkAzamAM ghoSaNA thai. paMca divya pragaTa thayA. sonAmahorono varasAda varasyo. mArA mastake vALa pAchA AvI gayA. mArI hAthanI beDIo kaMkaNa ane paganI beDIo jhAMjhara banI gai ! prabhunI padharAmaNIthI huM dhanya banI gaI ! tame kahezo : he caMdanA ! tuM kharekhara bhAgyazALI che. tAre tyAM sAkSAt bhagavAna AvyA. tAruM durbhAgya paNa saubhAgyamAM palaTAi gayuM. tArI Apatti paNa saMpattinuM kAraNa banI gai. koi bhAgyazALIne ja AvuM 'durbhAgya' maLe. paNa o mAnavo ! tamArI paristhiti paNa mArA jevI ja nathI ? tame kahezo : hai...? amArI paristhiti tamArA jevI ? hoi zake nahi. Avo... huM tamane samajAvuM. sAthe sAthe tamane e paNa samajAze ke bhagavAna kone tyAM padhAre che ? bhagavAnane lAvavA zuM zuM karavuM joie? bhagavAne abhigraha karelo hato ke koi rAjakumArI dAsI tarIke veMcAyelI hoya. mAthe muMDana hoya. hAthe-page beDI hoya. eka paga UMbarAnI aMdara ane eka paga bahAra hoya. hAthamAM sUpaDuM hoya, temAM Atma kathAo * 184 aDadanA bAkaLA hoya. traNa divasanI bhUkhI hoya, bhikSAno samaya vyatIta thai gayo hoya, AMkhe AMsu hoya to ja mAre pAraNuM karavuM. juo : bhagavAnanI prathama vAta che : vahorAvanArI rAjakumArI hoya, vANIANI ke brAhmaNI nahi. zA mATe AvuM ? durbhavya ke abhavyo vANIANI ke brAhmaNI jevA che. jyAre bhavyo rAjakumArI jevA che. tame bhavya cho. bhagavAne strInA hAthe vahoravAno abhigraha lIdho. kAraNa ke strI ja samarpita banI zake che. puruSa laDAyaka che, zauryazAlI che. jayAre strI samarpaNazIla che. samarpaNa hoya tyAM ja bhakti saMbhavI zake. aiNa hRdaya ja bhagavAnanI bhakti karI zake. 'rAjakumArI paNa pAchI dAsI tarIke veMcAyelI joie.' tame paNa karmasattAne tyAM veMcAyelA nathI ? 'mastake muMDana joie.' tamArA AtmaguNonuM muMDana thayeluM nathI ? kSamA-saMtoSa Adi guNo kyAM dekhAya che ? paNa gabharAi jazo nahi. muMDana ja thayuM che. TAla nathI paDI. muMDanamAM ane TAlamAM pharaka che. TAla paDyA pachI vALa na Uge. muMDana pachI vALa Uge. jJAna Adi AtmaguNonuM muMDana ja thayuM che, naSTa nathI thayA, phakta dabAi gayA che, eno UghADa thai zake che. 'hAthe-page beDI hoya.' tamAro AtmA paNa beDIothI jakaDAyelo nathI ? ghAtI ane aghAtI - be prakAranA karmonI beDIe tamane bAMdhelA "eka paga UMbarAnI aMdara ane eka paga bahAra hoya." tamAro eka paga jIvanamAM ane bIjo paga mRtyumAM rahelo che. jIvana ane mRtyu sAthe-sAthe ja cAlI rahyA che. tame zvAsa lo cho e jIvana che. zvAsa choDo cho e mRtyu che. tamAruM astitva jIvana ane mRtyu vacce jhUlI rahyuM che. mUDha mANasa ja chellA zvAsane mRtyu mAne. prabuddha to pratipaLe thatA mRtyune joi rahyo che ne mRtyu pachI maLatA jIvanane paNa joi rahyo che. 'traNa divasanI bhUkhI hoya." hA... bhagavAna prApta karavA hoya to parakAya - praveza * 185

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tamArA traNeya yogo - mana, vacana ane kAyA bhagavAna mATe taDapavA joie. taDapana vinA bhagavAna na maLe. | 'bhikSAno samaya vyatIta thai gayo hoya.' prabhu sivAya tamArI bIjI badhI jagyAthI apekSA - AzA cAlI gai hoya. mAtra prabhumAM ja tamane AzA hoya, bIjA badhAM baLone choDI prabhu-baLa ja sarvasva lAgatuM hoya to ja prabhu maLe. 'hAthamAM sUpaDuM hoya.' sUpaDuM eTale tamAruM hRdaya. sUpaDuM kevuM hoya? bahArathI pahoLuM - aMdarathI sAMkaDuM ? tamAruM hRdaya paNa AvuM ja nathI ? bahArathI pahoLuM-pahoLuM - khUba ja dekhAva karanAruM, paNa aMdarathI khUba ja sAMkaDuM che. 'sUpaDAmAM aDadanA bAkaLA hoya.' Dhora paNa kadAca na khAya evA bAkaLA ! tamArA hRdayamAM paNa bAkaLA jevA ja rAgAdi bhAvo che ne ? mananA aneka saMkalpa-vikalpo che ne ? e badhA ja prabhu-caraNe dharI devAnA che ! 'AMkhamAM AMsu hoya. abhigraha mATenI badhI ja zarato taiyAra hatI, paNa mArI AMkhamAM AMsu hotA. huM raDI paDI. prabhue mArI sAme joyuM. AMkhamAM AMsu joi pAchA padhArI bAkaLA vahoryA. huM dhanya-dhanya banI gai. mane lAge che ke bhagavAna to darekanA hRdayamAM AvavA taiyAra che... hA... tamArA hRdayamAM paNa AvavA taiyAra ja che paNa bhagavAna tamAre tyAMthI dararoja pAchA phare che. kAraNa ke tamArI AMkhamAM AMsu nathI. sAcuM kahejo : tame bhagavAna mATe kadI raDyA cho ? rogathI pIDita thai rahyA hazo, paisA vinA raDyA hazo. koie vizvAsaghAta karyo haze tyAre raDyA hazo, paNa kyAreya prabhu mATe raDyA cho ? raDyA vinA bhagavAna Ave zI rIte ? huM to mArI jAtane bhAgyazALI mAnuM chuM ke je bhagavAna devAMganAonI paNa sAme na jue te bhagavAne mArI sAmuM joyuM. AMkhamAM AMkha parovIne joyuM. kharekhara huM dhanya banI gai. pachI to bhagavAnane kevaLajJAna thayuM tyAre caturvidha saMghanA sAdhvIsaMghamAM huM mukhya banI. 36,000 sAdhvIonI huM guruNI banI. eka vakhate mArA ziSyA mRgAvatIne meM moDA AvavA badala Thapako Apyo. atyaMta kulIna mRgAvatI AthI pastAvo karavA lAgyA (mArA nimitte guruNIne keTaluM bolavuM paDyuM?) AjanI ziSyAonI jema sAme koI javAba na Apyo. kahevuM hota to kahI zakata ke huM kAMi rakhaDavA hotI gai. prabhunI dezanA sAMbhaLavA gai hatI. AjanI ziSyAone jouM chuM tyAre mane zuM nuM zuM thai jAya che. Aje to kyAreka UlaTuM ziSyAo guruNIne Thapako Ape che. avaLI gaMgA cAlavA lAgI che. pazcAttApa karatAM mArAM ziSyA to kevaLajJAna pAmyAM, paNa maneya kevaLajJAnanI bheTa ApatAM gayAM. mArA ziSyAno A moTo upakAra mArAthI zI rIte bhUlAya ? huM jyAre 36,000 sAdhvIomAM mukhya banI tyAre mane samajAyuM ke kudarate mane ATaluM duHkha zA mATe ApyuM ? kadAca kudarata mane duHkha dvArA ghaDavA mAMgatI hatI, mane duHkhanA tApa ApI majabUta banAvavA mAMgatI hatI. jenA hAthamAM netRtva AvavAnuM hoya te to majabUta ja joie ne ? to mAruM jIvana vAMcI tame eka preraNA lejo. duHkhanA kAraNe kadI raDavuM nahi, paNa prabhu mATe raDavuM." jo ATaluM AvI jaze to mArI jema tame paNa dhanya banI jazo. Atma kathAo * 186 parakAya - praveza * 187

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- (26) huM trivikrama huM trivikrama nAme rAjA hovA chatAM rAjya calAvavA karatAM mane zikArano ghaNo ja zokha hato. eka vakhate huM jaMgalamAM jai rahyo hato ane eka pakSIno avAja mArA kAne paDyo. mane lAgyuM : Aje zikAra karavAmAM majA nahi Ave. A pakSIe apazukana karyA. Ajano divasa bagADI nAkhyo. zikAra vinA AnaMda kevo ? hA, huM zikArano bhayaMkara zokhIna hato. jaMgalamAM jaine hajAro prANIono lotha vALI deto. nAsatA-bhAgatA, bhayathI taraphaDatA, ghavAtA, cIso pADatA pazuone joi mane khUba ja AnaMda Avato. emanA AjaMdamAM ja mAro 'AnaMda' hato. jo ke, Ane AnaMda kahevo temAM AnaMda zabdanuM apamAna che. A to doSa ja gaNAya. cha aMtaraMga zatruo kAma, krodha, lobha, mada vagerenA nAmo tame sAMbhaLyA haze ? e cha zatruomAM harSa paNa eka che. bIjAnI herAnagatimAM AnaMda mAnavo te harSa che. duryodhana, caMgIjhakhAna, nAdirazAha, hiTalara vagerenA jIvanamAM DokiyuM karo. temanAmAM pAra vagarano harSa jovA maLaze. hiTalara zatruone gesa cembaramAM pUrAvI taraphaDAvI-taraphaDAvIne mArato ! emane taraphaDatA joi ene khUba ja AnaMda Avato. huM paNa Avo ja hato. harSa vinA zikAra saMbhavI zake nahi. zikArano koi virodha kare to huM tene samajAvato. : zikAra eTale zikAra ! eno AnaMda ja koi ora ! zikAra eka prakAranI kasarata che. enAthI meda na caDe. zarIra haLavuM phUla rahe. dhanurvidyA TakI rahe. mane ghaNAya samajAvatA : bhAi ! kasarata karavI hoya to bIjA ghaNA prakAra che. enA mATe nirdoSa prANIonI hatyA karavAnI jarUra nathI. nizAna tAkavA mATe paNa bIjA ghaNA upAyo che. taNakhalA khAtAM, jharaNAnuM pANI pItAM, nirdoSa jIvana jIvatAM, mANasa jAtanuM kazuM nahi bagADatAM haraNAone mArIne tame tamArI kai jAtanI bahAdurI siddha karavA mAMgo cho ? nirdoSanI hatyA karavAmAM bahAdurI che ke emanI rakSAmAM karavAmAM Atma kathAo * 188 bahAdurI che ? paNa koinuM kazuM huM sAMbhaLavA ja hoto mAMgato ne ? je samajavA ja na icche tene brahmA paNa samajAvI zake nahi - e vAta mArA mATe sAva sAcI hatI. apazukana karatA e pakSI para mane joradAra dAjha caDI ne meM sa... na... na... karatuM tenA para tIra choDyuM. bicAruM nirdoSa paMkhI AnaMdathI gAi rahyuM hatuM, kudaratanA khoLe jIvI rahyuM hatuM, ne huM tenA mATe jamarAja sAbIta thayo. zuM kharekhara ApaNA mATe koI amaMgalarUpa bane che ? tame sArA kAme cAlatA ho ne bilADI nIkaLe ke jamaNI bAjue gadheDo bhUMke to tamane bilADI ke gadheDA para rIsa caDe che ? A harAmakhoroe mAruM kAma bagADyuM - evo vicAra Ave che? maherabAnI karIne Avo vicAra nahi karatA. bicArA gadheDA ke bilADA to nirdoSa che. teo kAMi tamAruM bagADatA nathI. UlaTuM, teo tamane tamAruM 'kazuMka" bagaDavAnuM che - evI sUcanA Ape che. sUcanA ApanAra para gusso kema karAya ? mRtyunA samAcAravALo patra ApanAra TapAlI para tame gusso karo cho ? gadheDA ke bilADA paNa 'TapAlI' che. emanA para gusse thavAya ja kema ? tamane Avo upadeza ApanAro huM, mArA potAnA jIvanamAM ja AvuM samajyo nahoto. A to jIvanamAM bahu ja moDethI samajAyeluM tattvajJAna che. meM bANa choDyuM ane tIkSNa vedanAthI kaNasatuM e paMkhI nIce paDyuM. eno taraphaDATa ! eno valopAta ! hRdayane halAvI nAkhe tevA hatA... A dezya joi mAruM hRdaya valovAi gayuM : arere ! meM pApIe A zuM karyuM? A nirdoSa paMkhInI hatyA ? zuM huM have ene jIvatuM karI zakIza? jo huM ene jIvana na ApI zakuM to enuM jIvana chInavI levAno mAro zo haka che ? mArA magajamAM vicAranuM ghammara valoNuM cAlyuM. evuM nathI ke AvuM dezya meM kyAreya hotuM joyuM... paNa Aje jevI saMvedanAthI, jevI sahAnubhUtithI meM joyuM tevI rIte kadI joyuM hotuM. sahAnubhUti eTale saha-anubhUti ! je dezya jotAM ApaNe evA tadAkAra thai jaie parakAya - praveza * 189

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ke enI saMvedanA ApaNAmAM dhabakavA lAge. enI vedanA ApaNI bane ! eno taraphaDATa ApaNo bane ! enuM duHkha ApaNuM bane ! jo AvI rIte meM pahelAM kadIka joyuM hota to zikAra kyAranoya baMdha thai gayo hota ! paNa evI rIte jovA mATe paNa puNya joie ne ? mAtra AMkhothI dezya jovuM eka vAta che ne temAM hRdaya parovIne jovuM taddana bIjI ja vAta che. eka vAta tamane kahuM? tame sinemA paNa juo cho ane bhagavAnanI mUrti paNa juo cho. sinemAnA dezya jotI vakhate tame hRdaya lagAvIne juo cho, paNa mUrti jotI vakhate kadI hRdaya lagAvyuM ? ekavAra hRdaya lagAvIne juo to kharA ! pratimA sAthe thoDA tadAkAra bano to kharA ! saha-anubhUtino kharo artha samajAze. prabhunI prazAntavAhitA tamArA hRdayamAM vahevA lAgaze. prabhuno AnaMda tamArA astitvamAM UtaravA lAgaze. nahi samajatA ke A mUrti che... mUrti to mAtra mAdhyama che. mUrtinA mAdhyamathI sAkSAt paramAtmA rahelA che. mUrtinA sahAre arUpI bhagavAne rUpa dhAraNa karyuM che. paNa e badhuM mAtra tamArI AMkho joze to nahi samajAya, hRdaya joze to ja samajAze. huM AgaLa cAlyo, paNa e dezya mArI AMkha sAme ramavA ja lAgyuM. thoDe dUra jatAM meM joyuM ke koI mahAtmA vRkSa nIce UbhA hatA. AvA jaMgalamAM, jyAM siMha ane vAghanI garjanAo saMbhaLAi rahI hatI, tyAM ekAkI mahAtmAne joine huM acaMbAmAM paDI gayo : 'ekalA A mahAtmA ahIM zuM karatA haze ? zuM emane koi bhaya nahi lAgato hoya ?" 'mahAtmanuM ! A jaMgalamAM ekalA-ekalA zuM karI rahyA cho ?' 'Atma-kalyANa karI rahyo chuM.' 'mAre paNa Atma-kalyANa ja karavuM che. mane paNa e zIkhavADo ne !' mArI A vinaMtInA javAbarUpe munizrInA mukha-himAlayamAMthI upadeza-gaMgA vahevA lAgI : "mahAnubhAva ! A janma kevala AtmakalyANa mATe maLelo che, paNa mUDha jIvo A paramArtha jANI zakatA nathI.. ane emane ema janma gumAvI bese che. artha ane kAma pAchaLa ja A jiMdagI gALI devI e to kAgaDAne UDADavA ciMtAmaNI pheMkI devA jevI ke kolasA banAvavA caMdananA lAkaDA bALavA jevI vAta che. A janma to mokSa meLavavA ne te mATe saMpUrNa dharmArAdhanA karavA mATe maLyo che ne enI saMpUrNa sAdhanA sAdhu-jIvana vinA zakya nathI. sAdhunuM jIvana eTale saMpUrNa svataMtratA ! jeTalI sAdhanA karavI hoya teTalI karo. koi rokanAra nahi. saMsAranI koI jhaMjhaTa nahi." | munizrIno upadeza mArA hRdayamAM vajAkSare kotarAi gayo ane meM dIkSA levAnuM nakkI karI lIdhuM. dIkSA ja levI che to vilaMba zAno ? eka paLano bharoso paNa zo ? koine pUchavAnI jarUra paNa zI ? ...ne meM e vicAra tarata amalamAM paNa mUkI dIdho. Akhare kSatriya bacco kharo ne ! thoDI ja kSaNomAM zikArI evo huM avikArI muni banI gayo. kame sUrA te dhamma sUrA ! dIkSA svIkArIne huM ekadama tapa-sAdhanAmAM maMDI paDyo. tapanA prabhAve mane aneka labdhio utpanna thai. tapathI karmanI nirjarA thAya che, AtmA baLavAna bane che, sattva vRddhi pAme che, AthI sahajarUpe aneka labdhio utpanna thAya che. aneka deza-pradezamAM bhramaNa karato huM eka vakhate pharI e ja jaMgalamAM Avyo. eka vRkSa nIce rahIne huM kAyotsargamAM lIna hato. tyAM eka jaMgalI bhIlano chokaro Avyo ne mane jema tema gALo bolavA lAgyo. sAmAnya rIte koi paNa yuvAna ke bALaka mArI pAse AvatA to hAtha joDatA, paNa A chokaro to hAtha joDavAne badale gALo ja ApavA lAgyo. niSkAraNa gALo ApatA chokarAne joi AzcaryamAM paDI gayo : 'AnuM meM evuM te zuM bagADyuM che ? khera, bhale e gALo Ape. mAre zuM? enI gALo enI pAse rahevAnI. gALothI gumaDA thoDA thAya che ?' paNa... e to gALothI na aTakatAM ethI paNa AgaLa vadhyo. lAkaDI laine mane mAravA lAgyo. thoDIvAra to meM sahana karyuM... paNa sahana karavAnI hada hoya ne ? game teTalA zAMta mANasane paNa bahu cIDavo to e gusse bharAi jAya. caMdana game teTaluM ThaMDuM hoya paNa bahu ghaso to emAMthI paNa Aga pragaTe. parakAya - praveza * 191 Atma kathAo * 190

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e chokaro jyAre mane bahu ja mAravA lAgyo tyAre mArAthI na rahevAyuM. Akhara huM kSatriya hato. koinuM sahI levAmAM mAnato hoto. ATaluM sahyuM e sAdhupaNAnA kAraNe... paNa have to hada thai gai hatI. have mAro pitto phATyo. AMkho lAlaghUma thai gai... meM enI sAme krodhabharI najare joyuM ne mArI AMkhomAMthI tejovezyA nIkaLI paDI. kSaNavAramAM pelA chokaro baLIne khAkha thai gayo ! hAza have lapa gai ! have nirvidane sAdhanA thaze, mAnIne huM pharI mArI sAdhanAmAM lIna banyo. eka vakhate pharI Avo prasaMga banyo. jaMgalamAM pharato-pharato huM eka guphA pAse jaI caDyo. tyAM ja khUMkhAra siMha mArI sAme dhasI Avyo. e chalAMga mArIne mane khatama kare e pahelAM ja tejovezyAthI meM ene bALI nAkhyo. huM bhUlI gayo hato ke tejolezyAno prayoga karavo, e sAdhuno dharma nathI. koine bALI nAkhavA e kSamAzramaNane na zobhe... paNa mane samajAve koNa ? vAraMvAra tejolezyAnI mArI Adata thai gai hatI. sAce ja zakti maLavI to sahelI che, paNa tenuM pAcana thavuM ghaNuM muzkela che. tapanI sAthe akrodha, zaktinI sAthe kSamA, jJAnanI sAthe mauna, samRddhinI sAthe icchA nirodha, yuvAnInI sAthe vrata... sAce ja ghaNA muzkela hoya che. mane zakti to maLI, paNa huM ene pacAvI na zakyo. thoDA vakhata pachI jaMgalamAM pharI ekavAra dIpaDo (citto) mArI sAme dhasI Avyo ne meM tejolezyAthI tene khatama karI nAkhyo. eka vAra UchaLatI-kUdato sAMDha mane ziMgaDAthI UDAvI devA dhasI Avyo, paNa A baMdA kyAM gAMjyA jAya evA hatA ? sAMDha mArI pAse Ave e pahelAM ja mArI tejovezyA enI pAse pahoMcI gai. sAMDha saLagIne rAkha thai gayo. o mUrakha sAMDha ! kyAM gayuM tAruM ghamaMDa? Akhare rAkha thai gayuM ne ? - rAkhanA DhagalAne joi mAruM mana bolI UThyuM. evI ja rIte ekavAra kALotaro bhayaMkara nAga mane DasavA dhasI rahyo hato... paNa e Ave te pahelAM ja mArI AMkhomAMthI nIkaLelI tejolezyAe ene jamanA dhAmamAM mokalI dIdho. Atma kathAo * 192 ekavAra pharI eka brAhmaNano chokaro mane pajavavA lAgyo. paNa huM have pajavaNI sahana karuM tema kyAM hato ? huM to nirvidane sAdhanA karavA mAMgato hato... emAM thatI pajavaNIno tAtkAlika aMta karI devAmAM mAnato hato... paNa ema karatAM huM eka vAta bhUlI gayo ke AmAM to huM sAdhanAne ja sApha karI rahyo chuM. vighnone samyapaNe sahavA e paNa eka sAdhanA ja che, e vAta mArA magajamAMthI ja nIkaLI gai hatI. sAdhanAnA aMgano ja nAza karI huM sAdhanA karavA mAMgato hato. mArI mUrkhAinI zI vAta karavI ? jota-jotAmAM meM e brAhmaNanA chokarAne paNa bALI nAkhyo. eka vakhate jaMgalamAM eka govALIo mArI pAse Avyo. e vAraMvAra eka paMkti gaNagaNyA karato hato : vidaDA: zavara: fsa, dvIpa saMg: ft ni : " (paMkhI bhilla ane siMha, citto, sAMDha uNI dvija.) huM to A zloka sAMbhaLIne mArA atItamAM khovAI gayo. trivikrama rAjA tarIke meM paMkhIne mAryuM. sAdhu banIne meM kramazaH bhilla, siMha, citto, sAMDha, sApa ane brAhmaNane mAryA. 6-6 paMcendriya jIvonI hatyA karanAro huM ! arere ! mAruM zuM thaze ? zAstromAM lakhyuM che ke mAMsAhAra, paMcendriyono vadha, mahA AraMbha ane mahAparigrahanA sevanathI mANasa narake jAya. sAdhu banIne meM narake javAnA dhaMdhA karyA. lAge che ke A zloka mArA aMge ja che. A govALIo ane pratibodha ApavA ja Avyo lAge che. pazcAttApathI pIgaLI rahelA mArA aMtaHkaraNane vAcA phUTI : yenA'mI nihatAH kopAt, sa kathaM bhavitA hahA // (krodhI thai haNyA jeNe, arere tenuM zuM thaze ?) govALIo to A sAMbhaLIne khuza-khuzAla thai gayo. tALIo pADato-pADato sIdho ravAnA thai gayo. mAro AbhAra mAnavA paNa Ubho na rahyo. mane lAgyuM : cokkasa koi rAjA taraphathI A zlokanI pAdapUrti mATe ghoSaNA karavAmAM AvI lAge che. inAma maLavAnI lAlace A parakAya - praveza * 193

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govALIo jaladI jaladI bhAgyo lAge che. ThIka che. je haze te khabara paDaze. ...ne thoDA ja kalAkomAM mArI dhAraNAne anurUpa ja banyuM. e nagaranA rAjA mahAbAhune laine govALIo mArI pAse ja Avyo. govALIAno cahero joi huM samajI gayo ke baMdAne barAbara zikSA maLI che. "zloka koNe banAvyo che ? sAcuM kahI de. nahi to bhayaMkara zikSA thaze." rAjAnI AvI dhamakIthI e rAjAne mArI pAse lAvyo lAge che. rAjA AvatAMnI sAthe ja caraNamAM jhUkI paDyo ane bolI UThyo : mahAtman ! mane oLakho cho ?' 'mastaka para mugaTa che tethI lAge che ke tame rAjA cho.' 'nahi, e oLakhANa mAre nathI joitI. huM bIjI oLakhANa ApavA mAMguM chuM. huM paMkhI... huM bhilla... huM siMha... huM citto... huM sAMDha... huM sApa... huM brAhmaNa... have oLakhANa paDI ? mahAtman !! dareka bhavamAM meM Apane khUba ja satAvyA che - ane ApanA kopanuM huM bhAjana banyo chuM. prabho ! kSamA Apo mane huM aparAdhI chuM." "nahi... nahi... rAjan ! aparAdhI huM chuM. meM sAdhupaNuM cUkI jai da2eka bhavamAM tejolezyAthI tamAruM dahana karyuM. prathama bhUla mArI hatI. tame paMkhI hatA. nirdoSa gAna gAtA hatA ane meM tIra calAvyuM. pachI to basa... paraspara paraMparA cAlI. tame mane mAravA dhasyA ne meM tamane bALyA. kharekhara sAdhupaNAmAM meM na karavAnuM karyuM che. jo ke enAthI tamane to lAbha ja thayo. akAma nirjarA karatAM-karatAM pazunA bhavo oLaMgI tame brAhmaNa banyA ane Aje rAjA banyA cho... tamArI to pragati thai... paNa mArI adhogati thai. huM sAdhupaNuM hArI beTho." "tamArI satAmaNIthI mane paNa khUba ja pazcAttApa thAya che. AvA mahAtmAne meM kevA-kevA viSama saMyogomAM mUkyA, jethI temane tejolezyA jevo prayoga karavAnI kubuddhi sUjhI ! calo, thanAruM thai gayuM... paNa have zuM karIzuM ?" "huM paNa eja vicAruM chuM ke have zuM karavuM ? koi jJAnI guru pAse Atma kathAo - 194 jai emaNe kahelA mArge cAlIe." "sAcI vAta che prabhu !" ...ane amArA manorathonI sAthe ja amane kevaLajJAnI guru maLI gayA. emaNe kahyuM : "mahAnubhAvo ! ciMtA na karo. sIdhA siddhAcala cAlyA jAo. pApIone paramAtmA banAvanAruM e pavitra tIrtha anAdikALathI UbhuM che. tyAM javAthI ja tamArI zuddhi thaze." kevaLajJAnInA vacana ane amArA bhAva... pachI zuM joie ? ame baMne sIdhA siddhAcala pahoMcI gayA. tyAMnI pavitra bhUmi para amAruM hRdaya nAcI UThyuM. amane tyAM ja anazana karavAnA koDa jAgyA. anazanamAM amArI pavitra vicAradhArA vRddhi pAmavA lAgI ane eka divase kevaLajJAnano prakAza amArA uramAM pragaTyo... amArI samagra asmitA prakAzathI jhaLahaLI UThI. jANe ekIsAthe karoDo sUraja UgyA. AyuSya pUrNa thatAM ame anaMtamAM maLI anaMta banI gayA... be biMdu siMdhumAM maLI gayA ! * parakAya - praveza 2 195

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(7) huM suobhUma huM mArI vAta pachI karIza, pahelAM mArA vaDavAonI vAta karuM. e vAta karIza to ja mArI vAta tamane samajAze. mArA pitAnuM nAma kRtavIrya ane dAdAnuM nAma anaMtavIrya ! jamadagni RSinuM nAma to tame sAMbhaLyuM ja haze. e jamadagni mArA dAdAnA sADhuM bhAi thAya. tame kahezo : RSi ane sADhubhAi ? e zI-rIte ? Avo... huM tamane itihAsa batAvuM. - jamadagni RSi tapa karatA'tA. emanI dADhImAM paMkhIoe mALA bAMdhelA. be devone temanI parIkSA karavAnuM mana thayuM. cakalA-cakalInuM rUpa lai dADhInA mALAmAM AvyA. RSi sAMbhaLe tema baMnee vArtAlApa karavA mAMDyA. cakalo : 'mane himAlaya javAnI icchA thai AvI che." cakalI : "kema ?' 'ema ja basa pharavAnI icchA thai che. tuM rajA Apa.' 'rajA nahi ApuM.' kema ?' 'tuM tyAMthI pAcho na Ave to ?' 'to gAyanI hatyAnuM pApa mane lAge ?' nA. ema rajA na ApuM. A jamadagni RSinA pApanuM sogaMda le. to rajA ApuM.' potAnuM nAma sAMbhaLatAM RSi coMkyA. krodhathI dhamadhamI UThyA. baMnene pakaDyA ne kahyuM : "mArAmAM tane zuM pApa dekhAyuM ? AvI ghora sAdhanA karuM chuM, chatAM mArAmAM tamane pApa dekhAya che ? sUrajamAM aMdhakAra hoya to mArAmAM pApa hoya.' cakalI bolI : 'RSijI ! mApha karajo. tamArA zAstra pramANe ja tame pApI cho. tamArA zAstramAM lakhyuM che : "aputrasya gatirnAsti' putrahIna mANasanI sadgati thatI nathI. bolo, tamAre koi putra che ? lagna karyA che ? khAlI tapa karyuM zuM vaLe ?' - RSi vicAramAM paDI gayA. cakalInI vAta to sAcI che. mAre putra prApta karavA lagna karavA ja joIe. e to upaDyA sIdhA nemikoSTaka nagaranA rAjA jitazatru pAse. rAjAne cokhkhuM kahI dIdhuM : "mAre lagna karavA che. mArA mATe tamArI kanyA joie.' RSinI vAta sAMbhaLI rAjA coMkI UThyo, paNa nAya kema kahevAya? kyAMka zApa ApI de to ? "mArI ekaso kanyAo che, je kanyA tamane pasaMda kare e tamArI. mArI emAM saMmati samajavI.' rAjAnA A kathanathI RSi to ghusI gayA sIdhA aMtaHpuramAM. ekaso kanyAo dADhIvALA bAvAne aMdara Avelo joi stabdha banI gai. aMtaHpuramAM sannATo chavAi gayo. e sannATAne cIratAM RSie kahyuM : mAre lagna karavA che. bolo tamArAmAMthI mArI patnI koNa banaze ?' 'o dADhIvALA bApA ! AvI vAta kahetAM tane zarama nathI AvatI ? mAMgI-bhIkhIne tuM peTa bhare, kapaDAMnuM ThekANuM nahi, rahevAnuM ThekANuM nahi, tArA zarIranuM ThekANuM nahi ane ame tArI patnI banIe ? hAlato thA jhaTapaTa ahIMthI. nahi to mAra khAiza." badhI kanyAo ekIsAthe bolI UThI. RSine to AmAM potAnuM joradAra apamAna lAgyuM. teno pitto phATyo. badhAne zApa ApI dIdho ane vaLatI ja sekaMDe badhI ja kanyAo kubaDI banI gai. tame "kanyAkubba'nuM nAma sAMbhaLyuM haze ? e nAma A prasaMga parathI pracalita thayuM. tyArathI "naimikoSTaka' "kanyAkunja' tarIke oLakhAvA lAgyuM. kanyAo jyAM kubaDI banI kanyAkubba ! RSi aMtaHpuramAMthI bahAra nIkaLI rahyA hatA. AMgaNAmAM reNukA nAmanI nAnI bALA dhULamAM ramI rahI hatI. hAthamAM raheluM bIjoruM RSie e bALAne batAvyuM ne kahyuM : "A tane game che ?' pelIe jyAM hAtha parakAya - praveza * 197 Atma kathAo * 196

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laMbAvyo tyAM ja RSie teno hAtha pakaDIne (pANigrahaNa karIne) cAlatI pakaDI. jitazatru rAjAe paNa gAya vagere ApI RSine vidAya ApI. reNukA jyAre yuvAnImAM AvI, RtusnAtA banI, tyAre RSie kahyuM : huM tArA mATe brAhmacaru sAdhIza. tenuM bhakSaNa karavAthI tane uttama brAhmaNa putra pedA thaze.' reNukA vicAramAM paDI : huM to AvA jamadagninA panAre paDI jaMgalI haraNI jevI banI paNa mAre mArA putrane Avo bAvo banAvavo nathI. e bolI : "mArI bena mATe paNa eka kSAtra caru sAdhajo. e hastinApuranA rAjA anaMtavIryanI patnI che. jethI tene uttama kSatriya putra pedA thAya.' RSie baMne caru sAdhIne reNukAne ApyA, paNa reNukAe kSAtra carunuM bhakSaNa karyuM ane brAhma caru bena mATe mokalyuM. baMnene samaya jatAM putro thayA. reNukAnA putranuM nAma rAma ane anaMtavIryanA putranuM nAma kRtavIrya. A kRtavIrya e ja mArA pitAjI. eka vidyAdhara pAsethI pArzavI vidyA (agni jharatI tIkSNa kuhADInI vidyA) maLatAM reNukAno rAma.. jagatamAM parazurAma tarIke oLakhAyo... eka vakhate reNukA potAnI benane tyAM hastinApura gai. thoDo kALa rahetAM anaMtavIrya sAthe tene prema thayo. prema AgaLa vadhatAM anaMtavIryathI reNukAne putra paNa thayo. jamadagni RSi keTalAka samaya pachI putra sahita reNukAne AzramamAM lai AvyA. strImAM AMdhaLA thayelAne kulaTA strI paNa mahAsatI lAge te AnuM nAma ! paNa parazurAma kAMi jhAlyo rahe? vyabhicAriNI mAtAne joi e ekadama UkaLI UThyo. parazuthI enuM DokuM uDAvI dIdhuM. A vAtanI khabara anaMtavIryane paDI eTale te Azrama para dhasI Avyo. AzramamAM toDa-phoDa karI gAyone lai cAlato thayo. parazurAmane Atma kathAo * 198 A samAcAra maLyA. e dhamadhamI UThyo. parazurAma eTale sAkSAt krodha ! hAthamAM parazu laIne UpaDyo. rastAmAM ja anaMtavIryane AMtarI lIdho ne parazuthI paraloka bhego karI dIdho. AthI mArA pitA katavIrya krodhe bharAyA. mArA pitAnA haNanAranA pitAne haNuM nahi to mAruM nAma kRtavIrya nahi. teoe AzramamAM jai dhyAnamAM beThelA jamadagni RSine mArI nAkhyA. kevI che veranI paraMparA ! paNa kharI paraMparA to have jovA maLaze. pitAnI hatyAthI parazurAma UkaLyo. Ameya te mAthApharela to hato ja, temAM vaLI AvA nimitto maLatA gayA. Agane lAkaDAM maLatA jAya pachI zuM hAlata thAya ? parazurAme hastinApura AvIne parazuthI mArA pitAnuM DokuM kApI nAkhyuM ane rAjyano mAlika te ja banI beTho. A duniyA AvI ja che. ahIM baLIAnA be bhAga che, mAre tenI talavAra che, lAkaDI che tenI bheMsa che. huM te vakhate mAtAnA garbhamAM ja hato ! maMtrIonI salAhathI mArI mAtA jamadagninA pelA AzramamAM rahevA AvI. kAraNa ke parazurAma have krodhe bharAyo hato. tene kSatriyo upara evI dAjha caDelI ke AkhI pRthvIne niHkSatriya (kSatriyo vinAnI) banAvavAno bhayaMkara nirNaya karyo hato. mArI mAtAnI dekha-bhALa AzramamAM sArI rIte levAi rahI hatI. tApasonI mamatA paNa sArI hatI. huM garbhamAM UcharI rahyo. mArI mAtAne eTalI to khabara paDI ja gaI hatI ke mane koi viziSTa bALaka avataraze. kAraNa ke mArI viziSTatAnA sUcaka 14 svapna teNIe joyA hatA. AzramamAM ja mAro janma thayo. mAnI apAra mamatA sAthe ane tApasonA apAra heta sAthe mAro uchera thavA lAgyo. eka vakhate parazurAma tyAMthI pasAra thayo. tenI parazumAMthI AganA taNakhA jharavA lAgyA. enI divya parazumAMthI jyAM jyAM kSatriya hoya tyAM tyAM taNakhA jharatA hatA. e AzramamAM AvIne barADI UThyo : 'o tApaso ! sAcuM batAvo, ahIM koNa kSatriya chupAyo che ? mArI parakAya - praveza * 199

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parazumAMthI nIkaLatA taNakhA ahIM kSatriya hovAnI sAbitI Ape che." mAro bacAva karatAM tApasI bolI UThyA : "kSatriyo ? ahIM kSatriyo kyAMthI hoya ?" "sAcuM kahejo. mArA jevo koi khataranAka mANasa nathI. tamane badhAne khyAla ja che ke huM pRthvIne kSatriyarahita banAvavA nIkaLyo chuM. traNa vAra to meM samagra pRthvIne niHkSatriya banAvI dIdhI che." | 'ApanI vAta kharI che. paNa ahIM koi kSatriya nathI. hA... ame pote kSatriya chIe kharA. amane mAravA hoya to mArI nAkho.' - parazurAmane khAtarI thai ke ahIM tApasa sivAya koi kSatriya nathI. e cAlato thayo. huM hemakhema bacI gayo. mArA puNyathI prerita thayelA tApasIe mane bacAvI lIdho. - hu yauvana avasthAmAM Avyo tyAre meghanAda nAmanA vidyAdhare padmazrI nAmanI potAnI putrIne joSIonA kahevAthI mArI sAthe paraNAvI. A bAju parazurAma satata ciMtita raheto : mane koNa mAraze ? huM konA hAthe marIza ? bIjAne mAranArA haMmezA zaMkAzIla ane bhayabhIta ja rahetA hoya che. je bIjAne bhaya ane trAsa Ape tene bhaya ane trAsa sivAya zuM maLe ? - parazurAma eTalo nRzaMsa mANasa hato ke mArelA kSatriyonA maDadAnI dADhAo bhegI karato. mAruM mRtyu konAthI thaze ?' parazurAme joSIone AvuM pUchatAM temaNe kahyuM : he parazurAma ! kSatriyonI dADhAthI bharelo A thALa... tenA para jenI najara paDatAM ja dADhAo khIra banI jaze, te tane mAranAro thaze. mane mAranArane huM ja pahelAM patAvI dauM - AvuM kaMika parazurAma manomana babaDyo. potAnA hatyArAne pakaDI pADavA teNe bajAra vacce siMhAsana goThavyuM ane tenI sAme dADhAothI bharelo thALa goThavyo. Aju-bAju potAnA khAnagI mANasone goThavI dIdhA ane kahI dIdhuM : jenI najara paDatAM A thALamAM rahelI dADhAo khIra banI jAya, te Atma kathAo * 200 mANasane tamAre mArI nAMkhavo. tamAre chUpI rIte A aMge satata takedArI rAkhavI." bAjI barAbara goThavAi gai ! parazurAme niyati-viruddha potAnuM yuddha cheDI dIdhuM. paNa niyati viruddha koi jaI zakyuM che ? kharI vAta to e che ke niyati viruddha javA mATe karavAmAM AvatA prayatno ja nakkI thayelI niyatinA janmadAtA banI jatA hoya che. mRtyune rokavAnA prayatno ja mRtyune lAvanArA banI jatA hoya che. A bAju huM yuvAna banI gayo hato. yauvanano thanaganATa mane zuM nuM zuM karI nAkhavA uzkerI rahyo hato. huM jambara mahattvAkAMkSI mANasa hato. hRdayamAM adamya urmio khaLabhaLI rahI hatI. koie na karyuM hoya tevuM karI batAvIne huM jagatano asAmAnya mAnavI banavA mAMgato hato. cIlAcAlu jIvana mane pasaMda nahotuM. paNa meM haju duniyA joi ja nahotI. duniyA kevI che ne keTalI che enuM paNa mane bhAna nahotuM. eka vakhate meM mArI mAtAne pUchyuM: 'mA ! zuM duniyA ATalI ja che ? AzramamAM ja AkhuM vizva AvI gayuM ?' 'nA beTA ! duniyA to ghaNI moTI che. ApaNo A Azrama to vizALa vizvamAM mAkhInA paga jeTalo paNa nathI. paNa vatsa ! jyArathI tArA pitAnI parazurAme hatyA karI tyArathI ApaNA mATe to duniyA Azrama jeTalI ja banI gai. ApaNuM rAjaya teNe pacAvI pADyuM che ne ApaNe jaMgalamAM rahevuM paDe che. parazurAmathI DarIne jIvavuM paDe che. mArI mAe mArA vaDavAonI badhI vAta kahI. huM krodhathI dhamadhamI UDyo. tarata ja Ubho thayo ane hastinApura tarapha cAlato thayo.. pitAnA ghAtakI parazurAmanA TukaDe TukaDA karI nAkhavA mATe. hastinApuranI bajAramAM rahelA siMhAsana para huM besI gayo. mArI najara paDatAM ja dADhAo khIra banI gai. huM e pI gayo. parazurAmanA mANaso tarata ja mane mAravA dhasI AvyA, paNa huM kAMi pratikAra karuM enA pahelAM ja mArI sAthe AvelA mArA sasarA meghanAde badhAne raheMsI nAkhyAM. parazurAmane A vAtanI khabara paDI. e gussAthI lAla-pILo parakAya - praveza * 201

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pAmato. cArebAju hAhAkAra vartAvI meM pUrA bhAratamAM ekavIzavAra brAhmaNonI katala karAvI. mArAmAM hiMsA ane lobha kUdAkUda karatA hatA. jiMdagInA cheDe pahoMcyo chatAM mane thatuM : "mAruM sAmrAjya bharatanA cha khaMDonuM ja ? basa ATaluM ja ? AvA cha khaMDonA mAlika cakravartIo to keTalAya thai gayA. huM paNa e badhA jevo ja ? nA... nA... mAre cAlu cakravartI thaine nathI maravuM, mAre to 'supara cakravartI' thavuM che. koi thayo na hoya tevA cakravartI thavuM che. cha khaMDanA mAlika to dareka cakravartI hoya. emAM vizeSatA zI ? bAra khaMDano cakravartI banuM to huM kharo. cha khaMDa jItatAM kAMi takalIpha na paDI to bIjA cha khaMDa jItatAM zI takalIpha paDavAnI che ? soLa hajAra devo mArI sevAmAM che. cauda ratno che. nava nidhAna che. pachI vAMdho zuM thato dhasI Avyo... paNa mArA puNya prabhAve tenI parazu ThaMDI thai gai, e kAMi karI zakyo nahi. paNa parazurAmane joi huM dhamadhamI UThyo. mArI pAse koi hathIyAra nahotuM. meM to sAme paDelo thALa uThAvyo. bIjuM zuM thAya ? hAjara te hathiyAra ! mArA puNya prabhAve thALa paNa cakra banI gayuM. meM jorathI ghumAvIne parazurAma tarapha pheMkyuM. tenuM mAthuM kapAine nIce paDyuM. devoe jayanAdapUrvaka phUlonI vRSTi karI ane jAherAta karI : A bharatamAM A AThamo cakravartI thayo che." lokoe mane premathI vadhAvI lIdho. parazurAmanA AtaMkathI mAMDa chuTakAro thayo. lokoe rAhatano dama kheMcyo. paNa e rAhata bhramaNA sAbita thai. parazurAma karatAM huM sAta gaNo ghAtakI nIvaDyo. parazurAme traNavAra pRthvIne kSatriya-vihoNI banAvI to huM ekavIza vAra pRthvIne brAhmaNa-vihoNI banAvavAno hato. meM cArebAju kataleAma zarU karI. brAhmaNo 'trAhimAm' pokArI uThyA. paNa konI tAkAta che ke mArI sAme koi AMgaLI paNa cIMdhI zake ? huM cakravartInuM jabaradasta puNya laine Avyo hato. mANaso to ThIka devo paNa mArA dAsa hatA. meM cakraratna lai aneka sthaLe yuddho karI bharatanA chaye khaMDa jItyA. nava nidhAna, cauda ratna, cosaTha hajAra strI, zuM kroDa gAma, bahotera hajAra nagara, batrIsa hajAra mukabaddha rAjA, coryAzI hajAra hAthI-ghoDArathano huM mAlika banyo. lakhalUTa vaibhavonI relamachela mArI cArebAju thavA mAMDI. apAra samRddhimAM huM ALoTavA lAgyo. ATalI badhI samRddhi maLavA chatAM na to mane saMtoSa thayo, na huM verano DaMkha bhUlI zakyo. mArA bApa-dAdAne haNanArA parazurAmane to meM kyAranoya mArI nAkhyo hato... paNa enI samagra jAtane jagata parathI bhUMsI nAkhavA huM kaTibaddha banyo hato. brAhmaNo jotAM ja huM saLagI uThato... are... brAhmaNa zabda sAMbhaLatAM paNa huM nAkanuM TeravuM caDAvato. meM bhayaMkara kataleAma zarU karI. cArebAju lohInI nadIo vahevaDAvI. kapAyelA DokAo ane Amatema uDatA dhaDo jotAM tame kadAca trasta banI jAva. paNa mane khUba ja AnaMda Avato hato. emanI mRtyunI cIso sAMbhaLatAM paNa huM khUba ja AnaMda Atma kathAo * 202 maMtrIonI salAha lIdhI. temaNe to spaSTa nA pADI. paNa huM mAnyo nahi. mArI aMdara uchaLato lobha mAnavA de tema hato nahi. meM soLa hajAra devone AjJA karI : mane dhAtakI khaMDanA bharatakSetramAM lai jAva. tyAMnA cha khaMDa mAre kabaje karavA che. icchA nahotI chatAM devone mArI AjJA svIkAravI paDI. soLa hajAra devoe mArI pAlakhI upADI. huM lavaNa-samudra parathI pasAra thai rahyo hato. madhyabhAgamAM pahoMcyo tyAM ja mAruM puNya, mAruM AyuSya pUruM ja thai gayuM. pAlakhI sahita huM dariyAmAM DUbI gayo. tame kahezo : kema Ama thayuM ? soLa hajAra devo jene upADatA hoya e pAlakhI paDe zI rIte ? paNa mAruM puNya paravAryuM hatuM, pApano ghaDo bharAi gayo hato. soLeya hajAra devone ekIsAthe vicAra Avyo : 'huM eka pAlakhI nahi upADuM to zuM vAMdho che ? bIjA badhA upADanArA che ja ne ? eka ja kSaNe badhAne A vicAra Avyo. pAlakhI chaTakI... devo kAMi vicAra kare na kare teTalAmAM to huM dariyAmAM garakAva thai gayo. mArA moMmAM-nAkamAM pANI bharAyuM. mAro zvAsa rUMdhAvA lAgyo. huM taravA mATe taraphaDiyAM mAravA lAgyo, paNa e badhuM vyartha hatuM. adhavacce pAlakhI choDanAra devo parakAya - praveza * 203

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() huM paMthaka 2 para bhayaMkara krodha Avyo. bhayaMkara raudra dhyAnamAM DUbelo huM dariyAnA taLiye pahoMcI gayo.. nA... mAtra dariyAnA taLiye ja nahi, marIne huM sIdho caudarAjalokanA taLiye pahoMcI gayo, sAtamI narakamAM. mane oLakhI gayA ne ? 'huM subhUma. janma thatAM ja moM vaDe bhUmi khotaravA lAgyo hato, eTale mAruM nAma pADavAmAM AvyuM hatuM: subhUma ! kharekhara janma thatAM ja mArI najara pRthvI para hatI, pAtAla para hatI, je kadAca evo izAro karatI hatI : he subhUma ! marIne tAre pAtALamAM - narakamAM javAnuM che." mArA gurunuM nAma AcAryazrI zelaka. ame 500 temanA ziSyo hatA. amane saune guru pratye apAra bhakti hatI, paNa sauthI vadhu bhakti mArA hRdayamAM hatI - ema jarAya abhimAna vinA kahI zakuM. guru pratye mArI apAra bhakti hatI tema gurunuM paNa mArA para apAra vAtsalya hatuM. amArA gurudeva jJAnanA bhaMDAra hatA. tapa-tyAga-vairAgya aneka guNo temaNe AtmasAt karelA hatA. moTA bhAge teo AyaMbila ja karatA rahetA. emane AyaMbila upara khUba ja prema ! amane paNa kahetA : upavAsa to haMmezAM thaI zake nahi, paNa AyaMbila haMmeza mATe thai zake, rasanAnuM paNa niyaMtraNa thAya. mATe karavA jevo tapa hoya to AyaMbila gurudevane AyaMbila karatA joi ame paNa karatA ! paNa emanI tole ame na AvI zakIe ! AyaMbilamAM paNa ghaNA badhA padArthono tyAga ! je dravyo vAparatA te paNa atyaMta lUkhAM-sUkhAM ! AvA lUkhA-sUkhA AhAranA kAraNe kaho ke kamoMdayanA kAraNe kaho, eka vakhata amArA gurudevane bhayaMkara dAhajvarano roga thayo. ame jyAre-jyAre gurudevanA caraNane sparza karatA tyAre-tyAre amane zarIra dhagadhagatA aMgArA jevuM garama lAgatuM. chatAM pUjyazrInA caherA para eja smita ! eja praphullitatA ! eja mastI ! eja AnaMda ! kadI amane vAta karI nahi ke mane zarIramAM kALI baLatarA thAya che ! pUjyazrIne zarIranI kAMi ja paDI nhotI, potAnI AtmasAdhanAmAM ja teo masta hatA. davA karAvavAnI koi vAta ja nahi ! eka vakhata vihAra karatA-karatA ame zelakapuramAM gayA. tyAMno rAjA maMDuka pUjyazrInA darzanArthe Avyo. pUjyazrInuM ekadama kRza ane dhagadhagatA aMgArA jevuM garama zarIra joi rAjA vastusthiti samajI gayo : parakAya - praveza * 205 Atma kathAo * 204

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are ! gurudeva ! Apa to nAyaka cho. ApanA zira para keTalI badhI javAbadArI che ? e javAbadArIonuM vahana to ja thai zake jo zarIra sAruM hoya! Apa kadAca zarIrathI niHspRha hazo, paNa ame niHspRha nathI. amane ApanA zarIranI paNa ghaNI-ghaNI jarUra che. mATe amArA khAtara paNa Ape ilAja karAvavo paDaze. Apa amAre tyAM padhAro. amArI yAnazALAmAM Utaro. tyAM rAjavaido ApanI davA karaze. rAjAnI A vAta sAthe ame sau ziSyoe paNa sAtha pUrAvyo : hA... barAbara che... barAbara che... Ape davA karAvavI ja paDaze. amArA saunI AgrahabharI vinaMtI svIkArIne gurudeva ane ame sau rAjAnI yAnazALAmAM AvyA. uttama rAjavaidoe upacAra zarU karyo. paNa pUjyazrIno dAhajvara na maTyo. ghaNA samaya sudhI upacAra cAlyo, paNa dAhajvare maTavAnuM nAma lIdhuM nahi. Akhare rAjavaidonI maMDaLIe sAthe besIne upacAra badalavAno nirNaya karyo : 'AcAryazrIne jo madyapAna ApavAmAM Avaze to ja roga maTaze, ema cAnumate nakkI thayuM." maMDuka rAjA sahita badhAe pUjyazrIne vinaMtI karI : 'gurudeva ! Ape madyapAna karavuM paDaze. ame jANIe chIe ke madyapAna karavuM te Apane anucita che. sAta mahAvyasanamAM madyapAna paNa eka vyasana che. cAra mahAvigaimAM madya paNa eka mahAvigai che. e badhuM ame jANIe chIe... paNa gurudeva ! ahIM madyapAna ApaNe kyAM zokha khAtara ke nazA khAtara karavAnuM che ? ApaNe to mAtra davA tarIke levAnuM che. evuM paNa nathI ke zAstramAM A mATe ekAnte nA pADavAmAM AvI che. madyapAna-niSedha eka utsarga mArga che. Apa to jANo ja cho ke dareka utsarganI pAchaLa apavAda avazya hoya ja che. Apa jevA utsarga ane apavAdanA jJAtAone vadhu zuM kahIe ? amArI ATalI vinaMtI nahi ThukarAvo - evI apekSA che.' gurudeva haju kAMi javAba Ape e pahelAM ja ame badhA paNa bolI UThyA : 'hA... gurudeva ! barAbara che. kyAreka apavAda-mArge madya paNa bevuM paDe. Atma kathAo * 206 badhAno Agraha joi amArA pUjya gurudeve namatuM mUkyuM, madyapAna levAnuM zarU karyuM. madyapAna sAthe rAjAnA rasoDAmAMthI ghI, dUdha vagerenI uttama 2soi paNa AvavA lAgI. thoDA ja vakhatamAM pUjyazrIno roga gAyaba thai gayo. paNa madyapAnanI lata ghUsI gai. bakaruM to nIkaLI gayuM, paNa UMTa ghUsI gayo ! amArA pUjya gurudevane madyapAnanI Adata paDI gai. rAjAnA rasoDAnI utkRSTa vAnagI ArogavI, madyapAna karavuM ane Akho divasa sUi rahevuM. A ja emanA mukhya kAmo banI rahyA. pratikramaNa, paDilehaNa, svAdhyAya, dhyAna, jApa Adi badhuM ja abharAie caDI gayuM. pramAdanA pizAce amArA gurudeva para joradAra kabajo jamAvI dIdho. gurudevanI AvI hAlata joine badhA ziSyo ravAnA thai gayA. AvA pramAdI guruthI ApaNane zo phAyado ? A to lokhaMDanI nAva ! svayaM paNa DUbe ane besADanArane paNa DUbAve ! gurune lokhaMDanI nAva samajIne badhA ja ziSyoe guruno tyAga karI dIdho ane koi navA AcAryano Azraya lIdho... paNa meM guruno sAtha na choDyo. mane guru pratye agAdha bahumAna hatuM. gurue je sarvavirati pradAna karIne, grahaNa Asevana zikSA pradAna karIne mArA para anahada upakAra karelo teno badalo huM A bhavamAM koi paNa rIte vALI zakuM tema nhoto. emAMya jyAre badhA ja ziSyoe mArA gurune choDI dIdhA hoya tyAre to huM emane choDI ja kema zakuM ? atyAre ja to khAsa mArI jarUra hatI. jyAre guru cAre bAjuthI ziSyothI gherAyelA hoya tyAre to sevA karavA badhA ja paDApaDI kare, paNa jyAre koi na hoya tyAre paNa je tatpara rahe te ja kharo ziSya ! 'sukha veLA sajjana ghaNA, du:kha veLA ho viralA saMsAra' du:kha vakhate paNa sAtha na choDe te ja sAco ziSya ! sAco nokara ! sAco mitra ! sAcI patnI ke sAco maMtrI jANavo ! zAstromAM paNa mAtA-pitA, dharmAcArya ane pAlaka vyakti - A traNane mahAna upakArI gaNavAmAM AvelA che. game teTaluM karavAmAM Ave chatAM temano pratyupakAra thai zake nahi - ema kahyuM che. parakAya - praveza - 207

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bhale badhAe sAtha choDI dIdho. paNa huM choDavA hoto mAMgato. bhale mArA guru pratikramaNa, paDilehaNa hotA karatA. paNa mAre mana e ja ArAdhya hatA. bhale e madyapAna karatA ane pramAdamAM paDyA rahetA, paNa mAre mana e ja sarvasva hatA ! parabrahmanI mUrti hatA ! ziSya nadI che. guru sAgara che. nadI kadI vicAratI nathI ke jyAM huM samarpita thai jAuM chuM te sAgara to khAro che. khArA sAgarane huM zA mATe samarpita thAuM ? huM to mIThI chuM. huM zA mATe mArI madhuratA gumAvuM ? nadI to AvuM kazuM ja vicAra karyA vinA samarpita thatI rahe che. badalAmAM sAgara, zuM Ape che? nAnakaDI nadIne vizALatA Ape che, potAnuM virATa svarUpa Ape che. gurune samarpita thanAro paNa gurunI gurutA - vizALatA meLave ja che. guru kevA che te vAta mahattvapUrNa nathI, paNa ziSyanuM samarpaNa kevuM che ? e ja mahattvapUrNa che. huM jo samarpita rahIza to mane lAbha ja che. Avo mAro dRDha vizvAsa hato. UMDe-UMDe mane pAko bharoso hato ke mArA gurudeva eka divasa madyapAna vagere pramAda avazya choDI deze. je divase Ama banaze te divase mArI sevA saphaLa banaze, te divase huM gurunA anaMta RNamAMthI kaMika aMze mukta thai zakIza. mArI dhAraNA sAcI paDI. mahinAo vItatA gayA. huM mArI pharaja bajAvato gayo. AcAryazrI bhayaMkara pramAdamAM paDyA rahyA. comAsuM beThuM, paNa emane koI levA-devA nahoto. jotajotAmAM comAsuM pUrUM paNa thayuM. comAsI caudasano divasa hato. comAsI pratikramaNa karatAM amuThio khamAvavA pUjyazrIne caraNe me hAtha mUkyo. mArA sparzathI pUjyazrI ekadama gusse bharAyA : 'alyA ! kema tuM mane vAraMvAra herAna kare che ? zAMtithI sUvA to de ! tArAmAM kAMi akkala-bakkala che ke nahi? mane herAna karavA ja te dIkSA lIdhI lAge che ! jyAre ne tyAre godA mArato ja rahe che !' 'gurudeva ! aparAdha mApha karajo. Aje comAsI caudasano divasa che. abhuThio khamAvatAM caraNa-sparza karyo. AmAM Apane takalIpha thai hoya to Aje comAsI caudasanA divase hArdika micchAmi dukkaDaM !' namratApUrvaka meM kahyuM. Atma kathAo * 208 heM.. ? zuM vAta kare che ? Aje comAsI caudasa che? zuM comAsuM pUruM thaI gayuM ? are... bhagavAna ! mane to kAMi khabara ja nathI. meM kyAreya pratikramaNa ja nathI karyuM ! mAruM zuM thaze ? kharekhara huM bhAna bhUlyo.' Ama bolatA tIvra pazcAttApanI dhArA sAthe pUjyazrI comAsI pratikramaNa karavA besI gayA. pramAdane eka jhATake khaMkherI nAkhyo. maMDuka rAjAne jaNAvIne bIje ja divase mArI sAthe tyAMthI vihAra karI dIdho, apramattapaNe sAdhu-kriyAnA badhA ja anuSThAno ArAdhavA lAgyA. samAcAra maLatAM chUTA paDelA 499 ziSyo paNa pUjayazrI pAse AvI pahocyA. badhA gurubhAioe mane khUba-khUba dhanyavAda ApyA : paMthaka ! lAkha-lAkha dhanyavAda che tane ! gurune sAco paMtha batAvIne te Aje tAruM paMthaka nAma sArthaka karyuM che. tArA jeTalA vakhANa karIe teTalA ochA che. pachI ame badhA karma khapAvavA siddhAcala mahAtIrthe gayA. tyAM eka mahinAnuM anazana karyuM. bhAvanI vizuddhithI kevaLajJAna prApta karI, sarva karmono kSaya karI ame muktimAM pratiSThita thai gayA. parakAya - praveza * 209

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- (9) huM iMdhakAcArya "prabho ! huM mArA saMsArI bahena-banevIne pratibodha ApavA jAuM ?" bhagavAna zrI munisuvratasvAmIne meM pUchyuM. "tane ane tArA sarva ziSyone mAraNAntika upasarga thavAno che." bhagavAne bhayasthAna jaNAvyuM. kRpALu ! upasargathI to ame jarAya ja DaratA nathI. dIkSAnA divasathI ja Ape amArAmAMthI mRtyuno bhaya kheMcI lIdho che. sAdhakane vaLI mRtyuno bhaya kevo ? e to motane mUThImAM laine phare. motathI DaranAro laDavaiyo na banI zake ne sAdhaka paNa na banI zake. ApanI AvI vANI Aje paNa amArA kAnamAM guMjI rahI che. eTale jIvaleNa upasargathI to ame jarAya DaratA nathI. paNa kRpA karIne amane e jaNAvo : ame te samaye ArAdhaka thaizuM ke virAdhaka ? mRtyuno jarAya Dara nathI, paNa virAdhanAno khUba ja Dara che." tamArA sivAya tamArA badhA ja ziSyo ArAdhaka banaze." bhagavAne TUMko javAba Apyo. - huM bhale virAdhaka banuM, paNa mArA 500 ziSyo to ArAdhaka banaze ne ? koDa rUpiyA maLatA hoya to ekAda rUpiyo gumAvavAmAM khoTuM zuM che ? huM eka bhale virAdhaka thAuM. mArA ziSyo ArAdhaka bane eTale patyuM ! bIjAnuM bhaluM thAya te ja moTI vAta ! sajjana puruSo potAnuM gauNa karI bIjAnuM ja bhaluM jotA hoya che. meM mArI jAtane ja sajjananuM TAiTala ApI dIdhuM ne mArI rIte artha kADhI lIdho. bhagavAnanI vANImAMthI kevo artha kADhavo te ApaNA mana para nirbhara che. ... ane huM vaLatA ja divase ziSyo sAthe cAlI nIkaLyo, mArA saMsArI bahena puraMdarayazAnA kuMbhakArakaTa nAmanA nagaramAM. mArA manamAM ghaNI hoMza hatI pratibodha ApavAnI... paNa badhuM dhAryuM ochuM thAya che ? kuMbhakArakaTa nagaramAM jatA pahelAM huM mArA parivAra sAthe bahAranA udyAnamAM rokAyo.. amArA AgamanathI nagaramAM sarvatra AnaMda-AnaMda chavAi gayo hato... paNa eka vyaktine AnaMda hoto. enuM nAma hatuM pAlaka. rAjAno e maMtrI hato. gRhasthapaNAmAM meM ene rAjasabhAmAM harAvyo hato. e kara nAstika hato, huM kaTTara Astika hato. eNe jyAre AtmA, puNyapApa vagerenuM ADedhaDa khaMDana karavA mAMDeluM tyAre mArAthI rahevAyuM nahi. sAco Astika zI rIte cUpa besI zake ? meM tenA nAstikavAdano jaDabAtoDa javAba Apyo. AthI tenI bobaDI to baMdha thai gai... paNa manomana te samasamI rahyo... enA manamAM vairanI gAMTha baMdhAi gai. sabhAmAM thayeluM apamAna (kharekhara e apamAna hotuM... paNa eNe apamAna mAnI lIdheluM. eTale ja AvA loko sAthe vAda karavAnI jJAnIoe nA pADI che. Aje paNa e bhUlyo nahoto. AthI ja koi SaDayaMtra racI mane phasAvI dai e bhayaMkara zikSA ApavA mAMgato hato. Ama kare to ja enA veranI Aga zame tema hatI. jo ke A vAtanI mane tyAre jarAya khabara hotI. pAlakanA manamAM ATalo DaMkha haju rahelo che ne te Avo badalo leze tenI koi ja khabara mane hotI. A badhI vAtanI to bahu pAchaLathI khabara paDelI. SaDayaMtranA prathama bhAgarUpe potAnA mANaso sAthe rAtre AvIne teNe ame jyAM UtaryA hatA te udyAnamAM Thera-Thera zastro daTAvyA. pachI rAjA pAse jai kAna bhaMbheraNI zarU karI dIdhI : 'rAjanuM ! tamArA sALA skaMdhaka AcArya banIne 500 ziSyonI sAthe ahIM AvyA che, te samAcAra maLyA ?" "kema na maLe ? emanA AgamanathI mane khUba ja AnaMda thayo che. huM emanuM joradAra svAgata karIza ane vizALa parivAra sAthe kAle dezanA sAMbhaLIza. Avo satsaMga maLe kyAMthI ? rAjana ! Apa bhoLA cho. nItizAstramAM kahyuM che : badhI vAtamAM parakAya - praveza * 211 Atma kathAo * 210

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zaMkA UThAvo. "vRdattevizva' nRhaspatino sAra 'avizvAsa che. je vizvAsamAM rahI jAya che te ThagAyA vinA raheto nathI.' eTale tuM zuM kahevA mAMge che ? mAre A mahAtmA para paNa avizvAsa karavo ema ? hA... ema ja. huM e ja kahevA mAMguM chuM. tame jene 'mahAtmA' kaho cho, huM tene 'adhamAtmA' kahIza. sAcI vAta A che ke A tamArA mahAtmA saMyama-jIvanathI kaMTALyA che. eTale ja ahIM AvyA che. emano uddeza che : tamAruM rAjya pacAvI pADavuM ! A 500 ziSyo e kharekhara ziSyo nathI, paNa emanA sainiko che. tame vaMdana karavA jazo tyAre tamAruM DokuM vadherAi javAnuM ! pachI rAjya sIdhuM emane kabaje thai javAnuM !" | 'pAlaka ! kaMika vicArIne bola. AvA mahAtmA para AvI ALa ApatAM zarama nathI AvatI ? tuM zAnA AdhAre A badhA gapagoLA hAMke che ?" 'naranAtha ! mane khabara ja hatI ke mArI vAta Apane nahi gamavAnI. 'kti manoha iva turta va:' hitakArI paNa hoya ane mIThuM paNa hoya, evuM vacana sAce ja durlabha che. paNa rASTranA maMtrI tarIke mArI pharaja che ke Apane sAcI vAta jaNAvavI. Apane mAThuM lAgaze to ? e bIke jo huM Apane sAcI vAta na saMbhaLAvuM to huM sva-dharma cUkyo gaNAuM! meM A vAta mAtra anumAnanA AdhAre nathI kahI, pAkI khAtarI karyA pachI kahI che. mArI vAta para vizvAsa na Avato hoya to Aja rAte Avajo mArI sAthe. huM tamane purAvAo batAvIza.' maMtrInI vAtanI khAtarI karavA rAjA udyAnamAM AvyA. pUrvayojanA mujaba jamInamAM chUpAyelA zastro joi mahArAjAno pitto phATyo : A sALA skaMdhaka AvA duSTa che ? Akhare sAlo "sAlo' ja nIkaLyo. paNa kAMi vAMdho nahi. emane kai jAtanI sajA karavI e badhuM kAma huM tane sopuM chuM.' - pAlakane mana-bhAvana kAma maLI gayuM. bhAvatuM'tuM ne vaide kIdhuM. enI yojanA saphaLa thai ! Atma kathAo * 212 amane koine A vAtanI kAMi ja khabara hotI. hA... prabhunI vAta parathI eTalI jarUra khabara hatI ke jIvaleNa upasarga Avaze... paNa e kayA svarUpe Avaze ? tenI koi ja khabara nhotI. bIje ja divase pAlaka potAnA sAgarIto sAthe mArI pAse AvI pahoMcyo. karaDAkI bharelA avAje barADyo : "mahArAja ! dharamanA DhoMga ghaNA karyA... have e DhoMga-boMga mUkI do. cAlo mArI sAthe.. tamane tamArA dharamanuM sAkSAtu phaLa batAvuM. te dA'De to tame mane harAvyo hato. have Aje tame jojo : koNa jIte che ? dharama ke adharama ? rAjAno Adeza che, tamArA sauno vadha karavAno ! cAlo, mArI sAthe." bhagavAne kahelI vAta mane yAda AvI : "maraNAnta kaSTa Avaze. ame badhA e mATe mAnasika taiyArI karIne ja AvyA hatA. pUrNa svasthatAthI, jarA paNa ukaLATa ke uga vinA ame sau taiyAra thai gayA. pAlaka eka moTA vADAmAM amane lai gayo. tyAM mANaso pIlI zakAya tevI eka ghANI hatI. pAlake garjanA karatAM kahyuM : A ghANImAM tamAre talanI jema pIsAi javAnuM che ! tamAro dharama AmAMthI tamane bacAvaze. lo... AvI jAva... eka pachI eka.. huM tamane Aje majA cakhAvIza... tamArA dharamanI asalI majA... jiMdagImAM pahelIvAra ane chellI vAra... calo... eka pachI eka Avo.' AvA marmavedhaka vAkyo sAMbhaLavA chatAMya jarAya gusso lAvyA vinA mArA ziSyo lAinasara UbhA rahI gayA. koinA mukha para bhaya, krodha ke vyAkuLatAnI AchI rekhA paNa dekhAtI nhotI! badhA saMpUrNa svastha hatAM ! jANe mRtyu mahemAnanuM svAgata karavA UbhelA yajamAno ! huM sAme Ubho chuM chatAMya koi bhaya nahi ? AmAM to mAruM apamAna che - Ama vicArI nIDara ane svastha munione joine kadAca mRtyu paNa zaramAi gayuM haze. pAlaka eka pachI eka munine pakaDIne ghANImAM nAkhe jato hato. bhacaDa... bhacaDa... zarIra pIlAtuM hatuM... taDa... taDa... taDa.. hADakAM tUTatAM hatA. lohI ane mAMsanA phuvArAo uchaLatA hatA ! bhalabhalAnI chAtI parakAya - praveza * 213

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dhrujI UThe evA dezyo hatAM... paNa re ! A pAlakanI chAtIne kAMi ja thatuM hotuM ! jANe ke e vajanI banelI hatI. mAro ekeeka ziSya jIvaleNa upasarganI sAme TaTAra Ubho hato, jIvananI chellI ghaDIne dhanya banavAno A ja suavasara che - ema mAnIne svastha hato. Aje mane lAgyuM : varSothI je meM mArA ziSyone taiyAra karyA, bhaNAvyA, gaNAvyA, grahaNa-Asevana zikSA ApI, Aje te badhuM sArthaka banyuM hatuM ! mArI mahenata lekhe lAgI hatI. pelo pAlaka ekeka munine pakaDIne ghANImAM nAkhato jato hato ne mRtyunA khapparamAM homAi jatA mArA ziSyone joi mArA hRdayamAM jhATakA lAgatA hatA, hRdaya phATI jatuM hatuM, paNa badhuM ja duHkha, badhI ja lAgaNIo manamAM dharabI daine huM upadeza ApavA lAgyo : "o munivara ! khUba ja samatAmAM rahejo. samAdhimAM rahejo. samAdhi mATeno A suMdara avasara che, janama-janamamAM ApaNe asamAdhithI maryA chIe. eTale ja ApaNo saMsAra akabaMdha rahyo che. ekavAra paNa samAdhibharyuM mRtyu maLyuM hota to A saMsAra kyAranoya kapAi gayo hota ! tamane pIlanAra A pAlaka para jarAya gusso nahi karatA. e to ApaNA badhAno parama upakArI che, karmakSayamAM sahAya karanAro che. mahAtmanuM! zarIra para jarAya mamatva karazo nahi. A zarIra to kapaDuM che. kapaDAne paheranAra AtmA judo che. kapaDuM phATI jAya to ApaNe thoDA phATIe chIe ? A zarIra to makAna che. makAnathI makAna mAlika judo che. bhAgyavAna ! deha ane zarIranA bhedajJAnano A aNamola avasara che. tame juo... barAbara taTasthatAthI juo... tamAruM zarIra pIlAi rahyuM che, pIsAi rahyuM che, paNa tame amara cho... tamane koi pIsI zake nahi pIlI zake nahi, A duniyAmAM koI evuM zastra nathI je tamane haNI zake, koi evI Aga nathI je bALI zake, koi evo pavana nathI je zoSI zake. tame ajara cho, amara cho... deha vinAzI huM avinAzI apanI gati pakaDeMge; nAsI jAtI hama thiravAsI, cokhe have nikhareMge, aba hama amara bhaye na mareMge | A dRSTi rAkhazo to sAce ja tame amara banI jazo." mArA A upadezanI saune joradAra asara thaI. badhA samatAmAM jhIlatA rahyA. koi paNa sAdhue Upha... suddhA karyuM nahi. mukha para eTalI apAra samatA jaNAtI hatI ke jonArane lAge : sAce ja A sAdhuo pAmI gayA. huM jo ke chavstha hato, munionI AMtarika paristhiti zuM che te jANI zakato nhoto, paNa hRdayathI ema lAgatuM hatuM : dareka mahAtmA kevaLajJAna meLavI mokSe padhArI rahyA che. Ama karatAM-karatAM 499 munio pIlAi gayA. ghANImAMthI lohInI dhArA cAlI rahI hatI... jANe lohInI nadI ja joi lo ! bAjumAM hADakAono Dhagalo thayo hato ! have eka mAtra mArA lADakA bAla muni ziSya bAkI rahyA hatA. e mane khUba ja pyArA hatA. huM enuM mRtyu joi zakuM tema na hato. AthI meM kahyuM: 'pAlaka ! A sukumAra bALa muninuM maraNa mArAthI nahi jovAya. AthI ema karo : 'pahelAM mane pIlI nAkho... pachI bALa muni ! atyAra sudhI huM kAMi bolyo nathI, paNa mArI mAtra ATalI ja vinaMtI che." ema ? tamane vadhu duHkha thAya che ? mAre tamane vadhu duHkhI ja karavA che ! atyAra sudhI huM ciMtAmAM hato : tame duHkhI kema nathI thatA? tame jo duHkhI na thAva to mAro A badho prayatna ja vyartha hato. tamane vadhu duHkha thatuM hoya to to huM hamaNAM ja bALa munine ghANImAM nAkhuM.' aTTahAsya veratA pAlake bALa munine ghANImAM nAkhyA. aMdarathI huM samasamI UDyo, chatAM badho dhaMdhavATa aMdara dabAvIne meM bALa munine aMtima nirdhAmaNA karAvI. e samAdhipUrvaka kevaLajJAna pAmI mokSe padhAryA. - have mAro naMbara hato. atyAra sudhI dabAvelI krodhanI lAgaNIo ekadama UchaLI paDI : "harAmakhora pAlaka ! mArA 500-500 ziSyone krUratApUrvaka pIlI nAkhanAra badamAza ! maratA mANasanI icchA to kaTTara zatru paNa pUrI kare... mArI nAnakaDI icchA, bALa munine pachIthI parakAya - praveza * 2 15 Atma kathAo * 214

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(86) huM manoramA pIlavAnI icchA paNa eNe pUrI na karI ! ame enuM eTaluM zuM bagADyuM che ke amane AvI dehAMtanI zikSA ! nA... mAtra pAlaka ja pApI nathI, ahIMno rAjA paNa pApI che." eno paNa AmAM hAtha hovo ja joie. are... nagaranI prajA paNa kevI che? jyAM 500-500 sAdhuonI katala thatI hoya tyAM koinuM rUMvADuMya na pharake ? badhA ja naThora ane kaThora ? mArI saMyama-sAdhanAno koi prabhAva hoya to huM AgAmI bhavamAM badhAne bALanAro banuM ! AvA niyANA sAthe mAruM mRtyu thayuM ! marIne huM bhavanapatimAM agnikumAra deva thayo. avadhijJAnathI meM pUrvabhavanuM vRttAMta jANyuM : mArI bena puraMdarayazA lohIthI kharaDAyelA rajoharaNa parathI mAruM hIcakAruM mRtyu jANIne khUba ja AghAta pAmI. rAjAne sakhata zabdomAM Thapako ApI virakta puraMdarayazAe bhagavAnazrI munisuvratasvAmI pAse dIkSA lai lIdhI. jJAnathI pUrvajanmanI ghaTanA jANI mArA aMga-aMgamAM krodhanI jhALa lAgI gai ! kSaNavAramAM meM AkhuM nagara bALI nAkhyuM. uparathI dhULano varasAda karyo. AkhuM nagara daTAi gayuM. e verAna medAnanuM lokoe nAma pADyuM : "daMDakAraNya !" 500-500 ziSyone tAranAro, kevaLajJAnanI bheTa ApanAro huM svayaM DUbI gayo ! chelle... thoDuMka ja cUkyo ane mArI nAva kinAre AvIne DUbI gai ! hAthI pUMchaDe aTakI gayo ! tame manamAM dhAryuM hoya kAMI ane bane kAMi juduM ja, tyAre manamAM zuM thAya ? dhAraNAne anukuLa bane tyAre to badhA svastha rahe, paNa dhAraNAthI viparIta bane tyAre svasthatA dhAraNa karanArA keTalA ? mANasano ahaM keTalo khataranAka che ke, dhAraNAthI viparIta bhale sAruM kema na thayuM hoya ? paNa eno svIkAra nahi kare. sAruM ke khoTuM e mahattvapUrNa nathI, paNa ahaM mATe mahattvapUrNa che : mAruM dhAryuM thAya che ke nahi ? "mAruM dhAryuM ja thavuM joie.' Avo abhigama puruSo mATe ThIka haze, paNa strIo mATe to khataranAka che. AvA abhigamavALI strI mardachApa' to banI zake, paNa satI na banI zake. satI banavA mATe ahaMkAranuM sarvathA vilopana jarUrI che. satI te ja banI zake je potAnuM samagra astitva patimAM ThAlavI zake. patinI icchA te mArI icchA ! patino mArga te mAro mArga ! jenuM hRdaya Ama pokAratuM hoya te ja satI banI zake ! hRdayano Avo pokAra che ke nahi ? e to prasaMga Ave tyAre ja khabara paDe ! mArA ja jIvanamAM eka evo prasaMga AvI caDyo. nAma mAruM manoramA ! mAtA cUDAmaNinI lADakI beTI ! nAgapuranA rAjA ibruvAhana mArA pitA ! yuvAvasthAmAM ayodhyAnA rAjA vijayanA putra vajabAhu sAthe mArA lagna thayA. mArA pati vajabAhu mane laine potAnA nagare jai rahyA hatA. mane mUkavA mAro moTo bhAi udayasuMdara Avelo. ratha e ja calAvato hato. ame rathamAM beThelA hatA. rUma... jhUma... rUma... jhUma... nA mIThA raNakAra sAthe amAro ratha cAlI rahyo hato. huM pati vAjabAhu sAthe vAto karatI-karatI bhAvinA madhura svapnomAM khovAi jatI hatI ! sAmAnya navoDhAnA jevA sapanA hoya tevA sapanA mAre paNa hatA. saMsArane meM parakAya - praveza * 217 Atma kathAo * 216

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mArI kalpanAnI pIMchIthI raMgI nAkhyo hato. mAtA-pitAe ApelA dharmanA saMskAro jo ke aMdara paDyA ja hatA. paNa atyAre to huM e badhuM bhUlI manorathonA mInArAo banAvI rahI hatI. A uMmara ja evI che, jayAre kalpanAnA ghoDAo kUdAkUda karatA hoya ! paNa mane kyAM khabara hatI mAro mArga acAnaka ja badalAi javAno che ? mArI kalpanAne anukULa Ave evuM ja suMdara jaMgala rastAmAM AvyuM. sAmAnya rIte jaMgala DarAmaNuM hoya, paNa A jaMgala khUba ja sohAmaNuM hatuM. cAre bAju jAMbu, AmalI, AMbA, nALIyera AdinA vRkSo ! manohara TekarIonI hAramALA ! TekarAomAMthI khaLa-khaLa... vahetAM jharaNAM ! jotAM ja mana tara-batara thai UThe tevA dezyo ! ThaMDo mITho pavana ! UrmiyothI phATa-phATa thatuM hRdaya ! vasaMta Rtuno samaya ! AMbAnI DALa-DALe koyalono mITho TahukAra ! TahukAre-TahukAre mAdakatAnI saravANI ! rastAmAM vasaMta zaila nAmanI TekarI AvI. ame joyuM to stabdha banI gayA. eka muni kAyotsarga dhyAnamAM UbhA hatA. AvA jaMgalamAM muni ? zuM dhyAnanI laganI che ? duniyAnI ghoMghATathI lAkho yojana dUra A munivara AtmAmAM UMDA UtarI gayA hatA. emanA caherA paranI mastI aMdaranI apAra zAMtine abhivyakta karI rahI hatI. samAdhijanya AnaMda eTalo gADha hato ke je pAse AvanArane paNa AMdolita karato hato. munizrInuM vyaktitva eTaluM cuMbakIya banI gayuM hatuM ke koi paNa mANasane pAse javAnuM mana thaI Ave. jaMgalamAM maMgalamUrti samA AvA munivara pAse javAnuM amane paNa mana thaI AvyuM. amAro ratha Ubho rahyo. mArA patideva vajabAhune to muninA darzana-vaMdananI ghaNI hoMza hatI. ethI sauthI AgaLa umaMgabhera cAlavA mAMDyA. navapariNItano dharma guru pratyeno Adara koine paNa AzcaryakAraka ja lAge. mArA bhAi udayasuMdara paNa Azcaryacakita thai bolyA : "kema banevIjI ! dIkSAbIkSAnA to bhAva nathI ne ! hoya to kahI dejo hoM ! ekalA-ekalA Atma kathAo * 218 lADavo nahi khAtA ! kAMika amAro bhAga paNa rAkhajo." mArA bhAie majAka karI. paNa ahIM to joituM'tuM ne vaide kIdhuM. mArA patideve majAkane paNa vadhAvI lIdhI : "hA... bhai ! vicAra to kaMika evo ja che. mAnavajIvananI saphaLatA saMyamamAM che, evuM nAnapaNamAM mAtA-pitAe ghuMTAvyuM che. zrAvaka ene ja kahevAya je sarva viratinI lAlasAvALo hoya. sarva viratinI tIvra icchA vinA deza virati paNa TakI zake nahi. zrAvaka, zrAvakapaNAmAM to ja TakI zake jo e sAdhupaNA mATe satata talasATa anubhavato hoya. mAtra talasATa anubhave eTaluM ja nahi, vakhata Avye sAdhu banI ja jAya. kedI jelamAMthI bhAgI chUTavAnI taka niraMtara zodhato hoya che. taka maLavA chatAM kedI na bhAge evuM bane ? taka maLatAM ja saMsArathI bhAgI chUTe enuM nAma zrAvaka ! zrAvakane A Akho saMsAra jela lAge ! jelamAMthI jeTaluM jaldI chUTAya teTaluM sAruM ! jelane mahela gaNI jeo masta thaIne paDyA rahe teo to potAnI ja jelane, potAnA ja baMdhanone vadhu ne vadhu majabUta banAvatA rahe che. mArI A vAta khoTI hoya to kaho ! "vAta to tamArI so TakA nahi, paNa savA so TakA sAcI che, paNa e badhuM atyAre nA zobhe.' 'vAthI vAghanAtha velo che ? Tna ' lagnanI vINA vAgatI hoya tyAre veda-vANI zobhe nahi ! badhuM samaya para zobhe. sarva viratinA soNalA barAbara che. paNa e badhuM atyAre nahi. atyAre kasamaya che." mArA bhAIe kahyuM. vAta kaho cho ? kasamaya ? dharma mATe kadI kasamaya hoya ? mRtyu mATe koi kasamaya na hoya to dharma mATe kasamaya kevo ? koi bALaka ke koi juvAna nahi ja mare enI tame khAtarI ApI zako cho ? to pachI koinI dharma-bhAvanA zI rIte rokI zakAya ? koinI dharma-bhAvanA rokavI eTale ene jIvanamAM saphaLa banato aTakAvavo !" mArA patidevanI vairAgyavANI asmalita vahI rahI. bIjuM badhuM ThIka... paNa mArI nAnakaDI benanuM tame kAMi vicAryuM? parakAya - praveza * 2 19

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ja e keTalA mIThA-madhurA sapanAo lai tamArI pAse AvI che ? e saMsArajIvanamAM DagalA mAMDe enA pahelAM ja enA sapanA cUra-cUra karI nAkhavA che ? jo AvuM ja karavuM hatuM to lagna karyA zA mATe ? lagnanI paNa koi javAbadArI kharI ke nahi ? javAbadArInuM poTaluM mUkIne bhAgI chuTavuM e bhAgeDu vRtti nathI ? palAyanavAda nathI ? AvA palAyanavAdane dharma kahIzuM to adharma kone kahIzuM ?" "tamArA jevA dharmapremI Ama kaheze to bIje kyAM AzA rAkhavI ? saMyama choDIne saMsAra tarapha Daga mAMDavA e ja palAyanavAda che. saMyama taraphanA prayANane palAyanavAda kahevo ke bhAgeDuvRtti kahevI e sUryane aMdhakAra kahevA barAbara che. have rahI vAta manoramAnI. sau prathama, manoramA satI che ke asatI ? satI hoya to patinA pagale cAlavAnI pharaja kharI ke nahi ? jo asatI hoya to tenuM te jANe." dhagadhagatA AganA goLA jevI vairAgya-jharatI vANI ame baMne bhAi-bahena sAMbhaLI rahyA. emAM paNa satI ke asatI'nA vAkye to manamAM jabaradasta ghammaravaloNuM zarU karI dIdhuM. mArA mATe vikalparUpe paNa 'asatI' zabdano prayoga zA mATe ? ibhravAhananI putrI huM asatI ? nA... evuM kadI ja na banI zake. evA zabdanA prayogamAM paNa mAruM apamAna che. patino je vicAra te mAro vicAra ! patinI icchA te mArI icchA ! patino mArga te mAro mArga ! emAM bIjo vikalpa ja karyo ? jo mArA patideva dIkSA leze to huM paNa levAnI ja - huM manomana bolI rahI. ame badhA vasaMtazaila parvata para caDI rahyA hatA ane tyAre amAro A rIte vArtAlApa cAlI rahyo hato. mAro bhAi udayasuMdara to haju ema ja mAnato hato ke A to badhI vAto che. vAtonA vaDAthI kAMi vaLe nahi. paNa... mArA patideve to kamAla karI. muni pAse jai darzana-vaMdana karI, dharma sAMbhaLI sIdhI dIkSAnI ja mAMgaNI karI. udayasuMdare kahyuM : 'are jIjAjI ! rahevA do ! huM to majAka karato hato. majAkane haLavAzathI lo.' Atma kathAo * 220 'tamArI majAka DAhyAnI che ke gAMDAnI ? DAhyo mANasa majAkamAM paNa je bole te paNa vajranA TAMkaNe lakhAya.' udayasuMdaranA aMtarane joradAra dhakko lAgyo e bolI uThyo : bhale tyAre. tame jo dIkSA letA ho to huM paNa laiza. pati ane bhAine dIkSA letA joi kai strI emane ema besI rahe ? huM paNa dIkSA mATe taiyAra thai gai. amane traNeyane dIkSA letA joi amane mUkavA AvelA paccIsa rAjakumAro paNa dIkSA levA taiyAra thai gayA. vairAgyamAM vilaMba kevo ? ame badhAe tyAM ne tyAM ja TekarI para rahela guNasAgara muni pAse dIkSA lai lIdhI. tamane jANIne Azcarya thaze : dIkSA laine mane kadI vicAra Avyo nathI : hAya ! hAya ! mArA badhA sapanA cakanAcUra thai gayA ! mArA badhA ja manoratho mATImAM maLI gayA ! UlaTuM, huM haMmeza AnaMdamAM ja rahI : 'oha ! kevI huM bhAgyazALI ! mane kevA uttama pati maLyA... jemanA pagale-pagale DagalA mAMDavAthI mAruM paNa AtmakalyANa thai gayuM !' vizvane paNa khabara paDI : 'satInuM satItva, patine anusaraNa karavAnuM dRDhattva keTaluM ucca hoya che ?' koi ema nahIM samajatAM : 'ahIM premano kSaya thayo che. nahi, kharekhara to ahIM ja prema pUrNatAne pAmyo che. be zarIra maLe te kAma che. be mana maLe te prema che ne be AtmA maLe te bhakti che. kAmathI prema ne premathI bhakti sUkSma che. jema jema sUkSmatA AvatI jAya tema tema prema pavitra banato jAya, apArthiva banato jAya. pArthiva premamAM ja sarvasva mAnanArAo mATe apArthivanI kalpanA muzkela lAgaze, paNa evuM banI zake che, eTalI vAta to mArA dRSTAMtathI sahue svIkAravI ja rahI. ja parakAya - praveza 0 221

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(31) huM nAmazrI rasoi banAvavAmAM huM hoziyAra hatI. mArI rasoi jenA mukhamAM jAya te moMphATa mArI prazaMsA karyA vinA na rahe. mArA pati to mane roja kahe : priye ! tuM evI suMdara rasoi banAve che ke AMgaLA karaDI khAvAnuM mana thai Ave ! AvI prazaMsAthI huM phATIne dhumADo thai jatI. svaprazaMsA kone na game ? mAruM gAma caMpApurI. patinuM nAma somadeva. kula amAruM brAhmaNanuM. eka vakhata amAre tyAM jamaNavAra ! amAruM AkhuM kuTuMba amAre ghera jamavA AvavAnuM hatuM ! mane ghaNI hoMza hatI, jamADavAnI, khAsa karIne mArI pAka zAsranI kaLA dekhADavAnI. rasoimAM paNa zAka banAvavAmAM mArI mAsTarI ! mAruM je khAya zAka ! eno UtarI jAya badho thAka ! ema huM mAnatI. A jamaNavAramAM to zAka evuM banAvuM, evuM banAvuM ke badhA chakkaDa khAi jAya ! ...ne meM tuMbaDInuM zAka banAvyuM. mIThuM, maracuM, tela vagere nAkhIne evuM svAdiSTa banAvyuM ke na pUcho vAta ! paNa re, jyAM meM e cAkhyuM. thU-thU... karIne pheMkI dIdhuM ! kaDavuM vakha hatuM. mane khyAla AvI gayo : meM masAlA para to dhyAna ApyuM, paNa mULa vastu para ja dhyAna na ApyuM. mIMDA vadhAratI gai, paNa AgaLanA ekaDA para ja dhyAna na ApyuM ! bIlDIMga banAvatI gai, paNa pAyAno khyAla rAkhyo ja nahi ! re, mArI mUrkhatA ! mArA manorathono mInAro ka... .... Da... bhUsa tUTI paDyo. A kaDavI tuMbaDInuM zAka eTaluM kaDavuM hatuM ke koine ApI zakAya tema nhotuM ! kaDavuM ja nahi, jherI paNa hatuM. zAka jherI hovA chatAM pheMkI devAno mAro jIva cAlyo nahi. zAka banAvavA meM keTalI mahenata karI ? keTalo kiMmatI masAlo nAkhyo ? AvA zAkane pheMkAya kema ? meM zAkane eka bAjue mUkI dIdhuM. Atma kathAo * 222 je zAka para ghaNA aramAno rAkhyA hatA e ja AvuM nIkaLyuM ! sAce ja je vastu para ApaNane ghaNo abhimAna hoya, e vastu moTA bhAge ApaNA hAthamAMthI jAya. rUpanuM abhimAna karyuM to rUpa gayuM, samajo. kadarUpA banavuM paDe. buddhinuM abhimAna karyuM to buddhi gai samajo. dhananuM abhimAna karyuM to dhana gayuM samajo. potAnI koi paNa vizeSatAnuM abhimAna karIne te vizeSatAne khoi denArA ghaNA mANaso tamane tamArI AsapAsa maLI Avaze. kudarata AnA dvArA mANasane saMketa ApavA mAMge che : o mAnava ! tane maLelI koi asAdhAraNa vizeSatAnuM abhimAna karIza nahi. nahi to e vizeSatA cAlI jaze. paNa A saMketa nirmaLa buddhivALA ja samajI zake. mArA jevI kaThora-naThora buddhivALI bairI zuM samaje ? saMketa sApha hato : 'pAkazAstranI niSNAtatAnuM abhimAna choDI de. nahi to pariNAma sAruM nahi Ave.' paNa kudaratano A saMketa mArA baherA kAne athaDAyo. saMvedanahIna vyakti, sthUla saMketone paNa na pakaDI zake to sUkSma saMketonI to vAta ja zI karavI ? zAka eka bAjue mUkIne huM bIjuM kAma karavA beThI hatI tyAM ja dharmalAbha' zabda mArI kAne athaDAyo. mUA A muMDiyA kyAM savAranA pahoramAM hAlyA AvyA ? kAMi kAma dhaMdho ja nahi. maphatanuM khAvuM ! koi kAmadhaMdho karavo nahi. 'dharmalAbha' ApI pAtrA bharIne ravAnA thai javuM, A ja dhaMdho ! jaina sAdhune dararoja joi huM manamAM babaDavA lAgI. mane sAdhuo pratye pahelethI ja dveSa ! sAdhuone huM to sAdhuDA ja kahetI ! mAre mana e maphatanuM khAine tAgaDadhInA karanArI bAvAonI jamAta ja hatI. AvA bAvAone to sIdhAdora karI nAkhavA joie. AvuM meM keTalIyevAra vicAryuM haze... paNa joie tevo koi moko maLelo nhoto. Aje kudaratI rIte sAro moko maLyo hato. jaina sAdhu bhikSA mATe AvelA hatA ne mArI pAse jherI zAka taiyAra hatuM. Avo avasara maLe kyAMthI ? meM taka jhaDapI lIdhI. ghera AvelA sAdhunA pAtramAM kaDavI tuMbaDInuM jherI zAka vahorAvI dIdhuM. 'vahorAvI dIdhuM.' ema kahyuM, enA karatAM 'nAkhI dIdhuM' ema kahuM to vadhu ThIka gaNAze. parakAya - praveza - 223

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meM gAMDIe mAnyuM : calo, sAruM thayuM eka paMtha do kAja. munine dAna ApyuM ema paNa kahevAya ne zAkanuM paNa ThekANuM paDI gayuM... paNa A 'ThekANuM'mAMthI '' nIkaLIne mArA bhAgyamAM 'kANuM' ja thavAnuM che - enI mane kyAM khabara hatI ? munizrI dharmaruci to zAka grahaNa karIne saraLabhAve potAnA gurudeva AcAryazrI dharmaghoSasUrijI pAse jatA rahyA.. 3-4 pahora pachI samAcAra maLyA : e dharmaruci munie jyAre AhAra potAnA gurudevane batAvyo tyAre gurudeve e AhArano nirjIva caMDila bhUmi para tyAga karI devA kahyuM. kAraNa ke gurudeva jANI gayA hatA ke A zAka jherI che. gurunI AjJA mastake caDAvI muni dharmaruci jaMgalamAM gayA... paNa jherI zAkanA TIpA mAtrathI kIDIone maratI joi emanuM dayArdra hRdaya kaMpI UThyuM. AthI zAkane bahAra kyAMya na nAkhatAM peTamAM ja nAkhI dIdhuM. kAtila jhera zarIramAM vyApta thai jatAM munizrI samAdhipUrvaka mRtyu pAmyA. emanA mRtyuthI ziSya parivAra sAthe AcAryazrI khaLabhaLI UThyA. AcAryazrInI preraNAthI sAdhuoe cauTe UbhA rahI munizrInA akALa avasAnanI ghoSaNA karI ane gunegArane yogya sajA maLavI ja joie evo saune anurodha karyo. eka mahAtmAnI AvI hatyA baradAsta thai zake nahi. AkhA nagaramAM halacala macI gai. zaMkAnI soya Akhare mArA tarapha takAi. nagaramAM vAyu vege vAta phelAi gai : naThArI nAgazrIe draSa-buddhithI jaina muni dharmarucine kaDavI tuMbaDInuM jherI zAka vahorAvyuM. nirdoSa mahAtmAnI hatyArIne hajAro dhikkAra ho ! badhA mane ekI avAje dhikkAravA lAgyA. bIjA to ThIka paNa amArI jJAtinA brAhmaNoe paNa mArA AvA nirguNa dUra kRtyane ekI avAje vakhoDI kADhyuM. are... mArA kuTuMbIoe paNa mArI bharjanA karI... ne AgaLa vadhIne mArA patideve paNa gharamAMthI kADhI mUkI : "rAMDa ! AvA bhUMDA kAma kare che ? AkhA gAmamAM nAma kharAba kare che ? zarama nathI AvatI ? jA... nIkaLI jA... gharathI bahAra. tAruM moDhuM jovuM paNa pApa che ! bIjA koinI nahi, ne Atma kathAo * 224 te muninI hatyA karI ? nirdoSa muninI ? zuM bagADyuM'tuM munie ? tane koi vicAra paNa na Avyo ? tAruM hRdaya kaMpI na UDyuM ? tAruM hRdaya, hRdaya che ke mAtra mAMsano loco che ? lAgaNI jevuM koi taMtra aMdara che kharUM? AvuM niSphara hRdaya lai tuM phare che ? AvI kaThora-naThora strI mAre na joie. tuM ahIMthI nIkaLI jA. tane jotAM ja mane zuM nuM zuM thai jAya che ! gAmathI dhUtkArAyelI, jJAtithI dhikkArAyelI, kuTuMbathI haDasAyelI, kulathI tarachoDAyelI, patithI sajAyelI huM saunA meNA-ToNA sAMbhaLatI nagaramAMthI bahAra nIkaLI. badhAe mArI ATalI bharsanA karI. paNa mane mArA kRtya mATe koi pazcAttApa na thayo. UlaTuM, huM saune gALo ApavA lAgI : badhA ja kharAba che. mAruM cAle to sAdhuDAonI sAthe A badhA sAdhuDAonA bhaktone paNa sIdhAdora karI nAkhuM ! AvA bhayaMkara raudradhyAnathI raudra aTavImAM mRtyu pAmI huM, strI vadhumAM vadhu jyAM jaI zake e chaThThI narakamAM jai pahoMcI ! mArAM kALAM kRtyo mATe mane maLelo A badalo hato. parakAya - praveza * 225

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(37) huM sukumArikA sAmAnya rIte kumArAvasthAmAM mANasa aneka svapnomAM rAcato hoya che. e svapna sRSTimAM ja jIvato hoya che. puruSone e avasthAmAM AkAzamAM UDavAnA ke sikaMdara thavAnA svapna hoya che. jyAre strIone svarganI parInA athavA akhaMDa saubhAgyanA svapna hoya che. huM paNa eka kumArI strI hatI. caMpAnagarInA prasiddha zeTha sAgaradattanI huM sukumArikA putrI hatI. mAtA subhadrAnI lADakavAyI hatI. rUpALI hatI, bhaNelI-gaNelI hatI. mArA potAnA aneka manoratho hatA. rUpALA, kahyAgarA, kAmaNagArA kaMta sAthe jIvana-paMtha huM sukhapUrvaka vItAvIza - evA manoratho kone na hoya ? paNa manoratha koinA saphaLa thayA che ? manoratha pUrNa thatA rahe to saMsAra zAno ? saMsAramAMthI koi zA mATe bhAgavAno prayatna kare ? bhalabhalAnA manorathonA mInArA ahIM cUra-cUra thai jatA hoya che. yuvAvasthAmAM jinadatta zeThanA putra sAgara sAthe mArAM lagna thayAM. sohAmaNA svapno sAthe huM zayanakakSamAM gai... pati mArI pAse Avyo. eka-be vAra mAro sparza karyo... paNa tarata ja e dUra khasyo ! jANe huM saLagato aMgAro houM ! savAre joyuM to pathArI khAlI ! mane choDIne mArA patideva chU thai gayA hatA. raDatAM-raDatAM savAre meM pitAjIne vAta karI. pitAjIe vevAi jinadattane vAta karI. be-traNa divasa pachI jinadatta zeTha ghare AvyA ne mArA pitAjIne kahevA lAgyA : vevAi ! meM mArA putra sAgarane samajAvyuM, paNa eNe to sApha-sApha zabdomAM kahI dIdhuM : "pitAjI ! huM Apa kaho to jhera khAvA taiyAra chuM. agnimAM paDavA taiyAra chuM, pahADa parathI bhUsako mAravA taiyAra chuM, paNa sukumArikA pAse to nahi ja jAuM... e strI nathI... e to bhaDabhaDatI jvALA che. enI pAse rahI jIvanabhara huM zekAvA nathI mAMgato." pitAjIe mane kahyuM : "beTI ! tuM have sAgarane bhUlI jA. e tane manathI paNa cAhato nathI. enA para dabANa karavuM vyartha che. prema kadI parANe thai zake nahi. paNa tuM ciMtA karIza nahi. tArA mATe huM bIjA koi yuvakanI tapAsa karIza. pitAjI bIjA nidhana yuvakane laI AvyA, paNa eya eka rAtanA anubhave bhAgyo. Ama keTalAya yuvako AvyA ne gayA. paNa koie mAro svIkAra karyo nahi. huM vicAramAM paDI : zuM mane cAhanAra eka paNa yuvaka A dharatI para nahi hoya ? ara22... huM kevI abhAgI ? mAruM rUpa, mAruM yauvana - A badhuM zA kAmanuM ? hRdayamAM premanA pUra umaTe che, paNa ene koi jhIlanAra to joie ne ? koI cAhanAra na hoya evI yuvAnI vyartha che ! koi jonAra na hoya evuM rudana vyartha che ! koi suMdanAra na hoya evuM phUla vyartha che ! mArA jIvananI vyarthatA para huM raDI paDI ! have race zuM thAya ? nAgazrInA bhavamAM kaDavI tuMbaDInuM zAka vahorAvI muninI hatyAmAM nimitta bananArI huM Aje AvuM duHkha pAmI rahI chuM - e vAtanI mane kyAM khabara hatI ? hasatAM-hasatAM bAMdhelA karma rotAM-rotAM paNa chUTI zakatA nathI - e tattvajJAna kudarata mane zIkhavavA mAMge che enI mane kyAM khabara hatI ? huM Akho divasa sUna-mUna thaine rahevA lAgI... jIvanamAM sarvatra huM zUnyAvakAza jovA lAgI. sArAmAM sAruM paheravAnuM, khAvAnuM, pIvAnuM, pharavAnuM vagere maLatuM hovA chatAM aMdarathI duHkhI hatI. pitAjInI premapUrNa samajAvaTathI huM jaina dharmanA zAzvata, tattvonA ciMtana tarapha vaLI. sAdhvIjI ma. nA samAgame mAruM hRdaya vairAgya-vAsita banI UThyuM. saMsAranI asAratA najara sAme ja joyelI hatI. manathI vairAgyane vAra keTalI ? huM dIkSA levA mATe sajja banI. yogya jANI mane guruNIe dIkSA ApI. have huM sAdhvI avasthAmAM pahelAMnuM badhuM bhUlI jai saMyamanI sAdhanAmAM DUbI gai. duSkarmone toDavA utkRSTa tapazcaryA karavA lAgI. parakAya - praveza * 227 Atma kathAo * 226

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eka vakhate mane icchA thai AvI. jaMgalamAM ekalI jai, chaTTaakramanA tapa-pUrvaka sUrya sAme apalaka dRSTi lagAvI ekAgra manathI AtApanA karuM. A mATe meM guruNInI rajA mAMgI. paNa guruNIjIe nA kahI. A rIte sAdhvIthI ekalAM na javAya. paNa mArI jIdda aDaga hatI. huM mArI vAta para makkama rahI. moharAjA bahu cAlAka che. e kyAMka ne kyAM thApa khavaDAvI ja de che. ne huM svacchaMdatAnA nAde caDI gai. mArI haTha sAme guruNIe namatuM jokhyuM. mane jaMgalamAM javA dIdhI. gurunI vAta svIkAravA ziSya taiyAra ja na hoya tyAM teo mauna sivAya zuM karI zake ? eka udyAnamAM jai huM AtApanA karavA lAgI. pachI to je thavAnuM hatuM te ja thayuM. gurunA AzIrvAda vinA kalyANa kyAMthI thAya ? te udyAnamAM meM eka divasa pAMca puruSothI sevAtI eka vezyA joi. eka puruSanA khoLAmAM e sUtelI hatI. koi ene paMkho nAkhato hato. koi paga dabAvato hato. to koi veNI guMthato hato. A dezya jotAM ja mAruM hRdaya khaLabhaLI UThyuM : hAya ! hAya ! huM keTalI abhAgI ! eka puruSa paNa mane na maLyo ! pUrvanA saMskAro jAgRta thai UThyA. meM niyANuM karyuM H mArA saMyamanuM... koi phaLa hoya to AgAmI janmamAM mane cAhanArA pAMca puruSo maLe ! AvuM niyANuM na karavA bIjAe ghaNuM samajAvI, chatAM meM niyANuM na choDyuM. anazanapUrvaka marI ane saudharmadevalokamAM nava palyopamanA AyuSyavALI devI banI. tyAMthI cyavIne drupada rAjAnI putrI huM draupadI banI. draupadInA pAMca pAMDava pati hatA te to tame jANo ja cho ne ? enuM kAraNa pUrvabhavanuM A niyANuM hatuM ! Atma kathAo * 228 (83) huM suvratAzrI 'huM ghaNI ja rUpALI hatI, paNa A rUpa ja mAruM zatru banyuM. rUpa to tIrthaMkara prabhunuM paNa hoya che... evuM adbhuta e rUpa hoya che ke karoDo indro paNa emanA jevuM rUpa banAvI zake nahi. aMgUThA jeTaluM paNa nahi! paNa prabhunuM rUpa jotAM ja AMkha Thare, zAMta rasanA jharaNA vahevA mAMDe, vAsanAnI bhUtaDIo manamAMthI bhAgI jAya... paNa amArA jevAnA rUpamAM Avo atizaya kyAMthI lAvavo ? je bIjAne vikArI banAve evA rUpane zuM karavAnuM ? hAya chaT ! jyAre mane khabara paDI ke mArA jeTha mArA rUpamAM pAgala banyA che tyAre huM stabdha banI gai! A to pANImAMthI Aga pedA thai ! bIjo koi mArA para kudRSTi kare to huM sasarA tulya jeTha pAse jAuM, paNa jeTha ja kudRSTi kare to kyAM javuM ? rakSaka ja bhakSaka bane, vADa ja cIbhaDAM gaLavA lAge to zuM karavuM ? mArA pati yugabAhu ! mArA jeTha maNiratha ! sudarzana nagaranA rAjA ! koi kALa coghaDIe mArA jeThanI mArA para najara paDI ane te divasathI mAro dA'Do UThI gayo. jo ke mane to vAtanI khabara ja nhotI ke mArA jeTha mArA para mohAyA che, ekapakSIya prema zarU thai gayo che. ghaNIvAra mArA jeTha potAnI dAsIne mArI pAse mokalatA ane tenI sAthe sArAsArA AbhUSaNa-vastra vagere mokalatA. huM e badhuM sAmAnya samajI lai letI. mane kyAM khabara hatI AnI pAchaLa jeTha bIjuM kazuMka kahevA mAMge che ? saraLane badhuM saraLa ja dekhAya. ...paNa eka divase dAsIe jyAre jeThanA peTanI vAta kahI tyAre huM coMkI UThI, vipharI UThI. 'tArA rAjAne kahI deje madanarekhAnI AzA mUkI de. kadAca jabaradasta karavAmAM Avaze to madanarekhAnuM maDaduM ja hAthamAM Avaze, jIvatI madanarekhA kadI ja nahi maLe." huM garjI UThI. paNa toya mArA jeTha aMdarathI nirAza na ja thayA. aMdarathI mAnavA lAgyA : jyAM sudhI yugabAhu jIvato che tyAM sudhI madanarekhA mArI zI parakAya - praveza 0 229

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rIte thaI zake ? yugabAhuno kAMTo kADhavo jarUrI che. pachI bIjuM kAma saraLa thai jaze. madanarekhA bhale 'nA' pADatI rahe, paNa e "nA" ja 'hA'mAM badalAi jaze. Ameya strIono svabhAva pahelA to 'nA' kahevAno ja hoya che. nA... nA... nA... karatAM Akhare kyAre hA... hA... hA... hA... thai jAya che tenI tene potAneya khabara nathI paDatI. mArA patinuM kAsaLa kADhavA sudhI jeTha pahoMcI gayA che, e vAtanI khabara to mane tyAre ja paDI jyAre huM mArA patinI sAthe udyAnamAM krIDA karavA gayelI. rAtre paNa kadalIgRhamAM ja ame baMnee rahevAnuM nakkI karyuM. thoDI rAta vItatAM ja samAcAra maLyA : mArA jeTha mArA patine maLavA AvI rahyA che. mane kaMIka phALa to paDI... paNa huM haju kAMi vicAruM e pahelAM ja maNiratha jeTha AvI ja pahoMcyA. moTA bhAine jotAM ja mArA pati emanA caraNomAM jhUkI paDyA ane te ja vakhate lAga joine jeThe mArA patinI garadana para jorathI talavAra vIMjhI dIdhI. lohIno phuvAro chUTyo. meM cIsAcIsa karI mUkI. mArI bUmo sAMbhaLIne cokIdAro tarata ja AvI pahoMcyA. jeThane muzkerATa bAMdhavA lAgyA, paNa ghAyala thayelA mArA patie tema karavAnI nA pADI. cokIdAroe AthI choDI mUkatAM jeTha to tarata ja bhAgI chUTyA. huM A AghAtathI hacamacI UThI hatI. mArA jIvananuM sarvasva mArA adhama jeThe luMTI lIdhuM hatuM. mArI najara sAme mArA pati taraphaDI rahyA hatA. huM kSaNabhara hataprabha banI gai... paNa tarata ja meM mArI jAtane saMbhALI lIdhI. atyAre hiMmata hAravAthI kAMi vaLe tema nahotuM. khAsa karIne mArA patine samAdhi ApavI jarUrI hatI. badhA vicAro eka bAjue haDaselI mUkIne huM mArA patine aMtima ArAdhanA karAvavA lAgI. A vakhate mAro moTo putra caMdrayazA paNa cikitsA mATe AvI pahoMcyo. huM nirdhAmaNA karAvavAmAM layalIna banI : "he patideva ! koinI upara paNa vera nA rAkhazo. ApaNuM bhUMDuM ApaNA karmathI ja thAya che. sarva jIvonI sAthe kSamApanA karo, vizeSa karIne tamArA moTA bhAi sAthe karo. arihaMtAdi cAranuM zaraNuM svIkAro. duSkatonI gaha karo. sukRtonI Atma kathAo * 230 anumodanA karo. patideva ! kyAMya Asakti rAkhatA nahi, vidAya veLA najIka AvI rahI che. pUrNa jAgRtipUrvaka samAdhi rAkhajo. bhavobhava A jIva asamAdhimAM maryo che, asAvadhAnImAM, behozImAM maryo che. kadI samAdhi maLI nathI. A vakhate A suMdara avasara maLyo che. jarA paNa asamAdhi ke asAvadhAnI nahi rAkhatA." huM joi rahI hatI ke patidevanuM mukha aMdhArAmAM paNa camakI rahyuM che. samAdhimagna che. aMdaranI samAdhi bahAra mukhamudrA para jhalakyA vagara rahe ja nahi. atyaMta samAdhipUrvaka emaNe chello zvAsa lIdho. mane emanI kAyamI vidAyathI duHkha jarUra thayuM, paNa aMtima samaye emane samAdhi rahI e vAtano mane khUba ja AnaMda hato. patinI alavidAthI huM ane mAro putra caMdrayazA - baMne dhrusakedhrusake raDI paDyA. meM vicAryuM : Ama raDavAthI kAma cAlavAnuM nathI. haju mArA para vipattinA vAdaLa jhaLuMbI rahyA che. jo ahIM rahIza to jeTha mane cUMthI nAkhe ema che. marI jaiza paNa para-puruSane hAtha nahi lagADavA dauM - A mAro daDha saMkalpa hato. Ama to huM marI paNa jAuM ! paNa mArA peTamAM bALaka hatuM. mArA kAraNe mArA peTamAMnA bALake garbhamAM ja marI javuM paDe, maLeluM mahAmoMghuM mAnava-jIvana hArI javuM paDe, evuM huM kadI na thavA dauM ! mAre zIla-rakSA sAthe bALa-rakSA paNa karavI hatI. AthI bhAgI javAnuM ja mane ThIka lAgyuM. A bAju caMdrayazA raDato rahyo ne huM aMdhArAmAM jaMgala tarapha bhAgI nIkaLI. kAjaLakALI rAta hatI. bhayaMkara jaMgalanI vATa hatI ne huM bhAgyabharose cAlI nIkaLI. kadI jamInamAM paga paNa nahi mUkanArI rAjyaparivAranI strI huM, Aje ughADe page jaMgalamAM cAlI rahI hatI. kAMTA ane kAMkarAothI avAra-navAra mArA paga vIMdhAI jatA hatA, paNa atyAre e badhuM gauNa hatuM. AkhI rAta huM cAlatI rahI tyAre savAre huM bhayaMkara aTavImAMnA koi jaLAzaya pAse AvI pahoMcI hatI. pAse keLanuM vana hatuM. tenA vaDe parakAya - praveza * 231

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kedalIgRha banAvI huM tyAM rahevA lAgI. phaLa ane nirmaLa jaLanI suvidhA to hatI ja. jaLa ane phaLanI vyavasthA to jaMgalamAM hajuye maLI jAya, paNa mAre sau prathama AzrayanI AvazyakatA hatI. mANasanI prathama AvazyakatA "roTI, kapaDAM ane makAnakahevAya che. mANasane sau prathama khorAka joie. pachI vastra ane tyAra pachI rahevA makAna joie. A vidhAna puruSo mATe ThIka haze, paNa ama strIo mATe AvazyakatAno krama UlaTo che, jenA para puruSoe bhAgye ja vicAra karyo che. strIone sau prathama Azraya joie, makAna joie. tyAra pachI vastra ane chelle roTI joie. puruSo mATe 'roTI, kapaDAM ane makAna' krama bhale rahyo, paNa strIo mATe "makAna, kapaDAM, roTI' krama vadhu phITa bese ! mane kadalI-gRha rUpI makAna maLI gayuM hatuM. huM kaMika nizcita thaine rahevA lAgI. jaMgalamAM saMpUrNa nizcitatA to kyAMthI maLe ? ATalI maLI te paNa mArA bhAgya ! sAta divasa pachI meM putrane janma Apyo. "re putra ! jo tuM thoDAka ja divasa pahelAM janmyo hota to ? rAjakIya ThATha sAthe tAro janmotsava thAta. Aje janmotsava to zuM ? koi prasUtikarma karanAra paNa nathI. re, nasIba ! mAruM hRdaya raDI UThyuM. huM ghUsake dhrusake raDI paDI, paNa ahIM mArA rudanane koNa sAMbhaLe tema hatuM ? hA, kadAca jaMgalamAM siha-vAgha mAruM rudana sAMbhaLIne mane khAvA AvI jAya kharA ! "araNya-rudana niSphaLa hoya che." evuM sAMbhaLyuM to ghaNIvAra hatuM, paNa anubhavyuM pahelI vAra ! jaMgalamAM rahIe to koNa sAMbhaLe ? koNa Ave ? koNa AzvAsana Ape ? jo koi AzvAsana ApanAruM na hoya to raDavAno artha zo ? nAnuM bALaka paNa A vAta samajatuM hoya che. koinI hAjarI hoya to ja e raDe che. nahi to cUpa besI rahe che ! huM nAnA bALaka jeTaluM paNa na samajuM eTalI nAdAna hotI. AthI tarata ja cUpa thai gai. bALakanA hAthamAM "yugabAhu' nAmavALI vIMTI paherAvI, bALakane kaMbalamAM vIMTI eka vRkSa nIce rAkhI huM sarovaramAM vastrAdinI zuddhi karavA pahoMcI. jyAM huM sarovaramAM thoDe aMdara gai, tyAM ja eka jaLahastI Atma kathAo * 232 AvI pahoMcyo. huM bhAgavA prayatna karuM e pahelAM ja eNe mane suMDhamAM pakaDI ane AkAzamAM addhara UchALI. re karma ! zuM ATalA duHkha tane ochA lAgyA ? jeThanI kurdaSTi ! jeTha dvArA patinuM khUna ! garbhavatI avasthAmAM jaMgalamAM gamana ! jaMgalamAM ekalA ja rahevuM ! ekalA ja prasUtikarma karavuM ! duHkhonI A kevI vaNathaMbhI vaNajhAra ? A duHkho ochA hatA tema jaLahAthIe AkAzamAM UchALI ! UMce AkAza ane nIce pANI hatuM ! bacavAnI koi ja zakyatA hotI. huM navakAramAM lIna banI. meM mAnI ja lIdhuM ke have maravAnuM ja che ! paNa... rAma rAkhe tene koNa cAkhe ? mArA koi prabaLa puNyodaye te vakhate AkAzamAMthI koi vidyAdharanuM vimAna jai rahyuM hatuM. mane AkAzamAM UchaLatI joine tarata ja emAMnA vidyAdhare mane bacAvI lIdhI. mane vimAnamAM mUkIne eNe to vimAna haMkArI mUkyuM. huM vimAnamAM raDatI ja rahI. mAruM mAtRhRdaya navajAta bALakanI ciMtA karI rahyuM hatuM. zuM thatuM haze ? zI rIte jIvaze mArA vinA ? koi rAnI prANI phADI to nahi khAya ne ? vaitADhaca parvata para laine te vidyAdhare mane raDavAnuM kAraNa pUchyuM : meM badhI ApavItI saMbhaLAvIne kahyuM: 'jaMgalamAM rahelA mArA e putrane tame ahIM lai Avo athavA mane tame tyAM pahoMcADo. mArA vinA navajAta zizu marI jaze athavA jaMgalI pazuo pholI khAze." jo tuM mane pati tarIke svIkAre to huM tAruM kahyuM badhuM ja karavA taiyAra chuM. huM koNa chuM ? te tuM jANe che ? vaitAdya parvatanA ratnAvaha nagaranA rAjA maNicUDa vidyAdharano huM putra chuM. mAruM nAma maNiprabha. mArA pitAe mane rAjya soMpI dIkSA lIdhelI che. mArA pitA muni gai kAle naMdIzvara dvIpamAM yAtrA karavA gayA che. temane vaMdana karavA huM jato hato parakAya - praveza * 233

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tyAM rastAmAM tuM mane maLI. jo tuM mane svIkArIza to huM tane paTTarANI banAvIza. - huM coMkI uThI. vaLI, A upAdhi kyAM AvI paDI ? ekamAMthI mAMDa chUTuM chuM tyAM bIjI upAdhi AvI ja paDe che. tyAM maNiratha maLyo. ahIM maNiprabha maLyo. bhUta gayo to palita Avyo. AnA karatAM to huM sarovaramAM paDIne marI gai hota to sAruM hatuM. kama se kama AvI anicchanIya ghaTanA to na AvI paData. jenA pitAe dIkSA lIdhI che evo A mANasa paNa mArA jevI pArakI nArImAM lapaTAi paDe che ! mohanI kevI viDaMbanA che ? have huM zuM karuM ? zuM ghasIne nA kahuM? nahi... nahi... ema karavA jatAM badhI bAjI bagaDI jaze. atyAre "kaMika" yukti lagADavI paDaze. sau prathama putranI bhALa meLavavI paDaze. meM kahyuM - "pahelAM mAro putra meLavI Apo. pachI badhI vAta." meM prajJaptividyAthI jANI lIdhuM che ke tArA putrane mithilA nagarInA padmaratha rAjA lai gayA che. temaNe rANI puSpamALAne ApI dIdho che. gUDhagabha rANI puSpamALAe putrane janma Apyo che - ema jAhera karI atyAre teno janmotsava manAvI rahyA che. putranI ciMtA choDI de. e tyAM sukhI ja banaze. have tuM mArI banI jA. mArI thaIne rahe. bola, tArI zuM icchA che ?" meM vicArIne kahyuM : "atyAre to Apa naMdIzvaranI yAtrAe jAva cho ne? mAre paNa AvavuM che. mane pahelAM yAtrA karAvo. pachI ApaNe joizuM.' mane vizvAsa hato : pitA muninA samajAvavAthI avazya e akAryathI pAcho pharaze. jenA pitA sarvaviratidhara banyA hoya e sarvathA ayogya na hoi zake. mArI dhAraNA kharI paDI. ame jyAre vidyA-baLe naMdIzvara dvIpe pahoMcI tyAMnA bAvana zAzvata cetyonA darzana karI munizrI maNicUDa pAse pahoMcyA tyAre emanI dezanA sAMbhaLI maNiprabhanuM mAthuM ThekANe AvI gayuM. munizrIe jJAnathI potAnA putranA manobhAvo jANI ja lIdhA hatA. AthI ja emaNe dezanAmAM 'parastrIgamana karanAra narakamAM kevA bhayaMkara Atma kathAo * 234 duHkho bhogave che.' e ja viSaya cheDyo hato. narakanuM evuM AbehUba varNana kareluM ke bhalabhalAnI chAtI dhrujavA mAMDe. sAMbhaLanArane evuM ja lAge : mArI sAme ja paramAdhAmIo nAraka jIvone pIsI rahyA che. pIlI rahyA che, mArI rahyA che, macaDI rahyA che, herAna-parezAna karI rahyA che. muninI dezanAmAM evI tAkAta hatI ke sAMbhaLanAra hacamacI UThe. maNiprabha tarata ja mArI pAse AvI mAphI mAMgavA mAMDyo : "bahena ! tuM mane mApha karI de. havethI tuM mArI bena che." mahAnubhAva ! tame to mArA upakArI cho. sarovaramAM paDatI mane bacAvI tathA naMdIzvaranA zAzvata caityonI yAtrA karAvI che. tamArA upakAra keTalA varNavuM? huM paNa gadgada hRdaye bolI UThI. amArI rIte vAto cAlatI hatI tyAM ja gha.. 2... 2... AkAzamAMthI eka vimAna AvI caDyuM. temAMthI eka dedIpyamAna deva Utaryo... ne te mane pradakSiNA ApI, vaMdana karavA lAgyo. huM to stabdha ja banI gai. huM kAMI boluM e pahelAM ja maNiprabha bolI UThyo : "o deva ! tame to vibudha kahevAo, vivekI kahevAo. muni bhagavaMta ahIM pratyakSa birAjamAna che, temane choDIne tame eka strIne page paDo cho ? tamArAmAM paNa ATalo viveka nahi ?" deva kAMi bole e pahelAM ja maNiprabhanA pitA muni maNicUDa bolI UDyA : "maNiprabha ! deva je karI rahyo che te barAbara ja che. gayA bhavano te yugabAhu che, madanarekhAno pati che. maraNa samaye madanarekhAe samAdhi ApI, dharma Apyo. AthI Asanna upakArI madanarekhAne prathama namaskAra kare che te yogya ja che.' AthI maNiprabha devanI kSamA mAMgI. pachI deve mane koi kAma mATe pUchyuM tyAre meM kahyuM : "mAre to have mokSanI ja jhaMkhanA che. saMsAranA A paribhramaNathI huM to kaMTALI gai chuM. paNa e to Apa ApI zako tema nathI. to hamaNAM mane mithilAnagarIe pahoMcADo. jethI huM mArA navajAta putranuM mukhaDuM joi sAdhu-dharmano svIkAra karuM. parakAya - praveza * 235

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(8) huM nami 2 deva mane mithilAnagarImAM lai Avyo. tyAM maMdiramAM darzana karI sAdhvIjI bhagavaMta pAse dharma sAMbhaLavA beThI. dezanA eTalI vairAgya preraka hatI ke sAMbhaLatAM ja mAro AtmA tyAre ne tyAre ja saMyama levA utsuka banI uThyo. vairAgya eTalo prabaLa banI gayo ke putranuM mukha jovAnI icchA paNa marI gai. meM tyAM ja, tyAre ja dIkSA grahaNa karI. mArA guruNIjIe mAruM nAma 'suvratAzrI" rAkhyuM. madanarekhAmAMthI 'suvratAzrI' banelI huM sAdhanA dvArA karma khapAvI kevaLajJAna pAmI saMsArano saMpUrNa aMta ANI muktipadanI adhikArI banI. "mahArAjA ! gajaba thayo che. ApaNo paTTahastI hastizALAmAMthI khIlo ukheDIne nAsI gayo che. ame enI pAchaLa-pAchaLa doDatA gayA, paNa hAthI to kyAMya jaMgalamAM jato rahyo. jota jotAmAM jhADIomAM kyAMya adezya thai gayo. ame nirAza thaine pAchA AvyA. Aje evuM sAMbhaLavA maLyuM che ke sudarzana nagaranA rAjA caMdrayazAnA mANaso ene pakaDIne lai gayA che. atyAre eno mAlika caMdrayazA che. huM mithilA nagarInI rAjasabhAnA siMhAsana para AvIne beTho ja hato tyAM mArI pAse AvIne hastipAle pharIyAda karI. AthI tarata ja eka dUta caMdrayazA pAse mokalyo. thoDA divasomAM dUte AvIne kahyuM : "rAjanuM ! caMdrayazAe hAthI ApavAnI spaSTa nA kahI dIdhI che. eNe to kahyuM che : "hAthI mArA sImADAmAM Avyo hato tyAre meM lIdho che. AthI hAthI mAro ja gaNAya. Ameya koi vastu para koino ekahaththu adhikAra hoto ja nathI. jenA kAMDAmAM jora hoya teno ja adhikAra ! vIrabhogyA vasundharA ! tArA nami rAjAne hAthI joito ja hoya to laDIne lai le !" dUtanI vAta sAMbhaLI huM UkaLI UThyo : "harAmakhora caMdrayazA ! samaje che zuM enA manamAM ? koino hAthI, corIne kai rIte lai zakAya che, e ene yuddha medAnamAM khabara paDaze. calo senApatijI ! lazkara taiyAra karo. yuddhanI bherI vagaDAvo." ...ane yuddhanA raNaziMgAM phUMkAyA. vizALa sainya sAthe huM cAlI nIkaLyo. sudarzana nagarane cArebAjuthI ghero ghAlyo. chAvaNImAM besIne huM mArA maMtrIo sAthe yuddhanA dhUho aMge vicAraNA karI rahyo ne tyAM eka jaina sAdhvIjI AvyAM. parakAya - praveza * 237 Atma kathAo * 236

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AvA samaye sAdhvI ? huM Azcaryacakita thai gayo. kema AvyA haze ? zuM kAma haze ? huM vicAramAM paDI gayo. tarata ja siMhAsanathI nIce UtarI vaMdanA karI. sAdhvIjIe amane dharmopadeza Apyo : nAnI-najIvI cIja khAtara zA mATe yuddha karavAnuM? yuddhathI koine kyAreya kazoya phAyado thayo ja nathI. yuddha e kSaNika gAMDapaNa che. phAyado to koIne nathI ja. paNa nukazAnI baMne pakSe che. hAravAmAM to nukazAnI che ja, paNa jItavAmAMya nukazAnI che. jItavAthI yuddha karavAno nazo caDe che ne chAsavAre ne chAsavAre yuddha karavAnuM mana thayA ja kare che. mATe mArI tamane vaNamAgI salAha che : yuddha tarata ja baMdha karo !' sAdhvIjIno upadeza mane gamyo. emano cahero joine ja hRdaya nAcavA lAgyuM, koi ajJAta snehathI mArI asmitA ubharAvA lAgI, paNa huM yuddha baMdha karavA taiyAra nA thayo. tyAre sAdhvIjIe mane kahyuM : tame jANo cho, konI sAthe laDI rahyA cho ? jenI sAthe laDI rahyA cho, e tamAro sago bhAi che. tame moTAbhAinI sAthe laDazo ? haM... zuM vAta karo cho ? caMdrayazA mAro moTo bhAi ? tamane zI rIte khabara ? mArA pitA to che mithilAnA rAjA padharatha ane mA che puSpamALA... jyAre caMdrayazAnA mAtA-pitA to alaga ja che. huM teno zI rIte bhAi hoi zakuM ?" huM tamane e ja kahevA mAMguM chuM. havethI huM tane tuMkArAmAM bolAvIza. kAraNa ke huM tArI sagI saMsArI mA chuM. caMdrayazA ane tuM tame baMne mArA putro cho. caMdrayazA moTo ane tuM nAno putra !" huM stabdha thai gayo. A huM zuM sAMbhaLI rahyo chuM? jaina sAdhvIjI kadI khoTuM to bole ja nahi. eTale avizvAsane koi kAraNa ja nathI. mAre badhuM vigatathI pUchavuM joize. meM namratAthI mAruM vRttAnta jaNAvavA kahyuM tyAre sAdhvIjI bolI UThyA : nami ! sAMbhaLa. mAruM atyAre nAma che : suvratAzrI. paNa sAMsArika Atma kathAo * 238 nAma hatuM - madanarekhA. tArA pitA hatA : yugabAhu ane moTA bApA hatA - maNiratha. maNiratha sudarzananagaranA rAjA. eka vakhate ame baMne udyAnamAM keligrahamAM hatA tyAre kAmAnya banelA maNiratha malina irAdAthI potAnA ja nAnA bhAi, eTale ke tArA pitAnI garadana para talavAra vIMjhI. meM cIso pADI. mArI bUmo sAMbhaLIne subhaTo AvI pahoMcyA. "mArAthI abhAna avasthAmAM talavAra paDI gai ne bhAinI garadana para lAgI." evI saphAi maNirathe karI. tenA mananA irAdAnI to subhaTone khabara paDI gai. paNa rAjA hovAthI choDI mUkyo. A bAju huM bebAkaLI thai gai. paNa kSaNabharamAM bAjI saMbhALI lIdhI. tArA pitA jaldIthI mRtyu tarapha prayANa karI rahyA hatA. meM temane navakAra Adi saMbhaLAvI samAdhi ApI. thoDIvAramAM temanuM prANapaMkherU uDI gayuM. have huM taddana anAtha banI hatI, vaLI zIlanI paNa ciMtA hatI. jo ke Ama to huM marI paNa jAta, paNa tyAre mArA peTamAM bALaka hatuM. A bALaka te bIjuM koi nahi, paNa he nami ! tuM ja hato. zIlane temaja tene bacAvavA meM rAtre aMdhArAmAM cAlatI pakaDI. eka bhayaMkara jaMgalamAM jalAzaya pAse kadalIgRhamAM meM nivAsa karyo. pIvA mATe jaLa, khAvA mATe phaLa, oDhavA mATe AkAza, sUvA mATe pRthvI ane rahevA mATe kadalIgRha hatuM ! jaMgalamAM sAta divasa pachI tAro janma thayo. tArI AMgaLImAM tArA pitAnA nAmavALI mudrikA paherAvI tane kaMbalamAM lapeTI huM sarovara kinAre zuddhi karavA gai, paNa tyAM jaLahAthIe mane sUMDhathI pakaDI AkAzamAM UchALI. mAruM puNya jora karatuM'tuM eTale huM nIce taLAvamAM paDuM e pahelAM ja eka vidyAdhare mane pakaDIne potAnA vimAnamAM besADI. huM bacI to gai paNa pharI mAruM zIla jokhamAyuM. e vidyAdhara maNiprabha ja mArA para mohAyo. meM tene kahyuM : atyAre tame naMdIzvara jai rahyA cho ne ? tyAM cAlo to kharA ! tamArA pitA munine maLo to kharA, pachI badhI vAta ! naMdIzvara dvIpamAM pitA muninI dezanAthI maNiprabhanI vAsanA zAMta thai. muninA mukhe meM tAruM svarUpa paNa jANI lIdhuM ke tane mithilAnA rAjA pagharathA lai gayA che ne tyAM potAnI rANIe A putrane janma Apyo che, evI parakAya - praveza * 239

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jAherAta karAvI. dezanA pachI eka deve mane vaMdana karyuM. e deva te bIjA koi nahi, paNa pUrva janmanA tArA pitA ! temaNe mane mithilA nagarImAM mUkI. Ama to huM tAruM mukha ekavAra jovAnI icchAthI ja tyAM AvelI, paNa sAdhvIjInuM pravacana eTaluM vairAgya-preraka hatuM meM tane joyA vinA ja dIkSA lai lIdhI. guruNIjIe mAruM nAma pADyuM : suvratAzrI. saMyamanI sAdhanAmAM varSo vItI gayA. hamaNAM mane samAcAra maLyA ke tame baMne yuddha karavAnI taiyArImAM cho. AthI tamane baMnene aTakAvavA guNInI rajA laine huM AvI chuM. have tamane yogya lAge te karo. sAdhvIjInI vAta sAMbhaLIne huM to Abho ja thai gayo. zuM puSpamALA mArI mAtA nahi? padyaratha pitA nahi? paNa have kone pUchuM ? mArA mAtA-pitA to jJAnasAgara AcArya pAse dIkSA lai kevaLajJAna pAmI mokSe paNa padhArI cUkyA che. lAva, huM jUnA maMtrIne pUchI lauM. jUno maMtrI amArA gharanI badhI ja aMtaraMga vAto jANato hato. teNe kahyuM : tame puSpamALA ne padmarathanA putra to nathI ja. tame jaMgalamAMthI maLyA cho e vAtanI mane pAkI khabara che, paNa A sAdhvI tamArA mAtA che ke nahi? enI mane khabara nathI. tame ema karo : e jUnI vIMTI tamArI AMgaLImAM ja che. e vIMTI para joi juo : konuM nAma che ? eTale sAdhvIjInI vAtanI khAtarI thai jaze. meM vIMTImAM joyuM to temAM jhINA akSare lakheluM hatuM : yugabAhu ! oha ! sAdhvIjInI vAta so TakA nahi, savA so TakA sAcI che. A sAdhvIjI ja mArA mA che. e to emane joine harSathI UchaLatuM hRdaya ja khAtarI ApI rahyuM che. have ahIM bIjI pUrAvAnI jarUra zI ? hAtha kaMkaNane ArasInI jarUra zI ? paNa re ! ATaluM spaSTa jANavA chatAM huM yuddhavirAma mATe taiyAra na thayo. ahaMkAra bahu khataranAka che. e jaladI mUkavA taiyAra thato nathI. huM ATalo moTo rAjA ! mArA hAthIne coranArane mApha karI dauM? meM ja caDAi karIne huM ja saMdhi karavA jAuM ? to mArI AbarU zuM ? duniyA mane namAlo gaNaze : joyuM? moTA upADe nami laDavA gayo'to ne laDavAnuM to dUra gayuM, paNa sAmethI jhUkavuM paDyuM. nahi, duniyA dvArA thatI AvI nAlezI sahana karavA huM taiyAra nathI. mAro ahaMkAra garjI UThyo. mArI yuddha karavAnI aphara bhAvanA joi sAdhvIjI vadhu kAMi paNa Agraha karyA vinA caMdrayazA pAse gayAM. thoDI ja vAramAM caMdrayazA potAnA sAthIdAro sAthe mArI pAse AvatAM joyo ane caherA parathI ja lAgatuM hatuM ke e premathI mane maLavA AvI rahyo che. huM paNa sAme doDyo. moTo bhAi maLavA AvI rahyo hoya tyAre nAno bhAi zI rIte besI rahe ? huM moTA bhAinA caraNe jhUkI gayo. amArA baMnenI AMkhomAMthI azrudhArA cAlI rahI. arere ! nAnakaDA jamInanA TukaDA khAtara ke hAthI jevI cIjo mATe kevA khataranAka khela ! kevI bhayaMkara hiMsA ? saMsAra kevo vicitra che ! jyAM sagA be bhAi yuddha caDe che ! dhikkAra ho A saMsArane ! amArA baMnenA hRdaya bolI rahyA hatA. ame baMne dIkSA levA taiyAra thai gayA. ame baMne eka bIjAnuM rAjya eka-bIjAne ApavA taiyAra thaI gayA. Akhare moTA bhAinI icchA AgaLa mAre jhUkavuM paDyuM. teoe potAnuM rAjaya mane soMpI dIkSA lIdhI. vagara prayatna, vagara icchAe mAruM rAjya bamaNuM thai gayuM. zatruo paNa mArA prabhAva mAtrathI jhUkavA lAgyo. mane jUnA mANasoe kahyuM : pAratha rAjAe tamAruM nAma 'nami' zA mATe pADyuM, jANo cho ? tamArA Agamana pachI zatruo namavA lAgyA hatA mATe tamAruM nAma 'nami' paDayuM. zatruone namAve te nami ! mAro saMsAra sukhapUrvaka sarakI rahyo hato... paNa mAruM mana muktine jhaMkhatuM hatuM. pAMjarAmAM rahelA popaTane khAvA-pIvA vagerenI game teTalI anukULatA hoya paNa enuM mana to anaMta nIla gaganane ja icche. - parAdhInatA sauthI moTuM duHkha che. mAruM mana paNa pAMjarAmAM pUrAyelA popaTa jevuM hatuM. vizALa rAjyamAM paNa huM pAMjarAnuM baMdhana joi rahyo hato. mAro jIva guMgaLAmaNa anubhavI rahyo hato. jyAre moko maLe ne parakAya - praveza * 241 Atma kathAo * 240

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kyAre UDI paDuM ? manamAM A mAtra eka ja tamannA ! A tamannAne vega Ape evI eka ghaTanA ghaTI. mArA zarIramAM bhayaMkara pittaprakopa thavAthI dAhajvara utpanna thayo. AkhA zarIre kALI baLatarA thavA lAgI. aMdara evI lAhya lAgavA lAgI, jANe koie aMgArA bharyA hoya ! vaidyoe, anubhavIoe ghaNA upacAro karyA, paNa koinI kArI vAgI nahi. upacAro vadhatA gayA tema tema jvara UlaTo vadhato gayo. divasa-rAta UMgha na Ave ! satata dAha, dAha ne dAha ! na besI zakAya ! na sUi zakAya ! na bolI zakAya ! na vicArI zakAya ! na nirvicAra banI zakAya ! lagAtAra cha mahInA sudhI AvI kALI baLatarA meM sahana karI ! huM rAjA hato. badhI ja suvidhA mArI pAse hatI. moTA-moTA vaidyo, hakImo, bhUvAo, tAMtriko, mAMtrikone huM bolAvI zakato hato... paNa aphasosa ! mane koi dAhanI pIDAthI mukta karI zakatuM nhotuM ! saMsAranI asAratA mane pratyakSa dekhAi ! have to huM eTalI akaLAmaNa anubhavato hato ke thoDo paNa avAja sahI zakato nahi. eka vakhata mArA kAne avAja athaDAyo : kha... na... na... kha... na... na... kha... na... na... A avAjathI mane evI pIDA thai, jANe koi kAnamAM hathoDA mAre che ! huM barADI UThyo : koNa che A avAja karanAra ? A ghoMghATa baMdha karo. "rAjan ! ApanA vilepana mATe rANIo caMdana ghasI rahI che. emanI baMgaDIono A avAja che. jo ke avAja madhura che, paNa Apane e ghoMghATa lAge che. nabaLAi hoya tyAre uMbarA paNa DuMgarA lAge ne deDako paNa bheMsa lAge ! rAjan ! huM hamaNAM ja avAja baMdha karAvuM chuM.' sevake kahyuM. thoDI ja vAramAM avAja baMdha thayo. meM pUchyuM : 'have kema avAja baMdha thai gayo ? zuM caMdana ghasavAnuM baMdha karI dIdhuM ?' 'nahi mahArAja ! caMdana ghasavAnuM cAlu ja che.' Atma kathAo * 242 'to avAja kyAM gayo ?' badhI rANIoe eka ja baMgaDI rAkhIne bIjI baMgaDIo kADhI nAkhI che. be-cAra baMgaDI hoya to khakhaDe. avAja Ave. eka baMgaDImAM kyAMthI avAja Ave ?" A javAba sAMbhaLatAM ja huM UMDA vicAramAM paDI gayo : kharI vAta che. 'ekaDe eka. bagaDe be.' nAnapaNamAM AvuM bhaNyA hatA. eno saMketa sApha che. mANasa ekalo hoya che tyAM sudhI AnaMdI hoya che. ekamAMthI be thatAM bagaDavAnuM zarU thAya che. kharekhara dvandvamAM du:kha che. sukha ane duHkha, puNya ane pApa, svarga ane naraka A badhA urjA che. kharuM sukha A dvandvanI pele pAra che, ekatvamAM che. mANase sAcA arthamAM sukhI thavuM hoya to ekalA cAlI nIkaLavuM joie... jaMjALano tyAga karI aNagAra-mArge cAlI nIkaLavuM joie. jo mAro dAha zAMta thAya to huM have dIkSA laiza - Ama vicAramAM ne vicAramAM mane UMgha AvI gai. savAre joyuM to Azcarya ! dAhanI baLatarA kyAMya chU thai gai hatI ! oha ! zubha vicArano kevo camatkAra ? e rAte meM eka suMdara svapna joyeluM : airAvata hAthI ane meru parvatanuM ! e svapna para vicAratAM-vicAratAM mane jAtismaraNa jJAna thai gayuM : pUrve meM sAdhupaNuM pALyuM hatuM. tenA prabhAvathI huM prANata devalokamAM gayo hato ane tyAMnuM AyuSya pUrNa thatAM huM ahIM utpanna thayo. jAtismaraNathI mAro dIkSAno nirdhAra vadhu dRDha thayo. putrane rAjya soMpI huM pravrajyA levA nIkaLI paDyo. raste koi vRddha brAhmaNa maLyo. te mane jAta-jAtanA ne bhAta-bhAtanA mArmika prazno pUchavA mAMDyo. meM tene vairAgyathI dhagadhagatA javAbo ApI dIdhA. - "rAjan ! taNakhalAnI jema rAjya choDI dIkSA lo cho te sAruM che, paNa strIo keTalI badhI raDe che ? mATe jIvadayA khAtara paNa dIkSA na levI joie. koi dubhAya e jIvonI adayA nathI ?" "koi mArA mATe nathI raDatuM, potAnA svArtha mATe badhA raDe che." "tArA mahela vagere saLagI rahyA che tenI sAmuM to jo.' parakAya - praveza - 243

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"A mahela vagere mArA nathI. mithilA baLe emAM mAruM kazuM baLatuM nathI." (35) huM yA ja "dIkSA lo ja cho to mithilA nagarIne pharato majabUta killo to banAvatA jAva." "mAruM nagara che : saMyama. killo che : zama. yaMtra che : naya." "lokone rahevA mATe suMdara makAno to banAvatA jAva." "e karanAra ghaNAya che. mAre mana to jyAM deha che tyAM ja ghara che." jarA corono nigraha to karatA jAva. kevA bharADI coro che ?" "rAga-dveSAdi ja kharA cora che. emano ja mAre nigraha karavAno "keTalAka uddhata rAjAone namAvIne vijetA banIne dIkSA lo to sAruM !" "yuddhamAM lAkho subhaTone jItanAro paNa sAco vijetA nathI. kharo vijetA te che jeNe potAno AtmA jItyo che." mArA AvA uttaro sAMbhaLIne pelAe tarata ja rUpa badalyuM. joyuM to e indra hato. e bolI UThyo : "he munivara ! tame dhanya cho. tame sAcI sAdhutA jANI che. parIkSA mATe kAMi ADuM avaLuM pUchAyuM hoya to kSamA karajo." pachI indra svarge gayo. meM sAdhanA karI ghanaghAtI karmonA bhUkkA bolAvI kevaLajJAna meLavI anaMta saMsArano aMta ANI dIdho. Ama to ame sAteya baheno buddhizALI, paNa mane to eka ja vAra sAMbhaLavA maLe eTale patyuM. kAyama mATe yAda rahI jAya, cAhe e koi paNa bhASAmAM hoya ! mArAthI nAnI benane be vAra sAMbhaLavA maLe eTale yAda rahI jAya. trIjA naMbaranI benane traNavAra ne ema sAtamIne sAta vAra sAMbhaLavA mAtrathI yAda rahI jAya. ekavAra ame jAheramAM karI paNa batAveluM. kavi vararucie karelA kAvyo ame sAteya benoe saMbhaLAvI ApIne rAjasabhAmAM sAbIta karI ApeluM ke vararucinA A kAvyo jUnAM che, koikano UThAvelo mAla che, svayaMnI racanA nathI. e kharekhara to enI potAnI ja racanA hatI, paNa amArI buddhinA prayogathI amArA pitAjIe ene corIno mAla jAhera karyo. A to rAjakAraNa ! emAM AvA aneka kAvAdAvA karavA paDe. rAjakAraNanA ATApATAmAM kyAreka phasAi paNa javAya, kyAreka prANonI Ahuti paNa ApavI paDe. rAjasabhAmAMthI vararucino kAMTo kADhavA amArA pitA zakaDAle A prayoga karyo kharo, emAM saphaLa paNa thayA... paNa AthI vararuci vadhu vIpharyo. Akhare eka divasa evI paristhiti ubhI thai ke mArA pitAjIe prANonI Ahuti ApavI paDI. mArA ja sagA bhAi zrIyake mArA pitAnI hatyA karI. jo ke, 'hatyA karI' ema kahevAmAM zrIyakane anyAya thayo gaNAze. kharI vAta e hatI ke pitAnI AjJAthI zrIyake hatyA karavI paDI. zakaDAlanI hatyAthI stabdha thai gayelA rAjAe zrIyakane maMtrI banavA kahyuM, paNa moTA bhAi sthUlabhadrane mUkIne maMtrI kema banAya ? mAro sauthI moTo bhAi sthUlabhadra bAra-bAra varSathI kozA vezyAne tyAM raheto hato. ghara, mAtA-pitA, bhAi-bahena vagere tamAmanI sAthe lagabhaga saMparka chUTI gayo hato... paNa maMtrimudrAnI ophara jyAre sthUlabhadra pAse AvI tyAre vicAravAna sthUlabhadra maMtrimudrA nahi, paNa munimudrA pasaMda karI. parama virakta banI dIkSA lIdhI. Akhare zrIyaka maMtrI banyo. parakAya - praveza * 245 Atma kathAo * 244

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rAjakAraNanA ATApATA ! pitAjInuM akALe mRtyu ! rAjAno asthAyI prema ! sthUlabhadrano vezyAvAsa ! ane e choDI acAnaka aNagArano mArga ! AvI badhI ja ghaTanAoe amane prathamathI ja vairAgyavAsita banAvelA. ne eka divasa ame sAte bahenoe dIkSA lIdhI. sthUlabhadra to evA kaTTara saMyamI banyA ke cAra-cAra mahinA sudhI kozAe kammaratoDa prayatno karyA chatAM teo merunI jema aDola rahyA. A eka ja kAryathI teo 84-84 covIzI sudhI jaga-batrIzIe gavAyA karaze. AvA mahAsAttvika sthUlabhadra jevA bhAi mahArAja maLyA emanuM amane gaurava hatuM. ja eka vakhate ame sAMbhaLyuM : bhAi mahArAja sthUlabhadra 14 pUrvenA abhyAsa karavA nepALa gayA che. 500 sAdhuomAM mAtra A eka ja TakI zakyA che. AvA mahAprajJa ane mahAdhIra bhAi mahArAja mATe kai benane gaurava na thAya ? ekavAra ame nepALamAM bhAi mahArAjane vaMdana karavA gayA. svAmI bhadrabAhue kahyuM H pAsenI guphAmAM tamArA bhAi mahArAja svAdhyAyadhyAna karatA haze. tyAM temanA vaMdana thai zakaze. : ame tyAM gayA. guphAmAM najara nAkhatAM ja ame to ekadama DarI ja gayAM ! vikarALa siMha moDhuM phADIne guphAmAM beThelo. amane thayuM : nakkI! A siMha ApaNA bhAi mahArAjane khAi gayo che. ame zokanA AghAtathI grasta banI bhadrabAhu svAmI pAse gayA ane A hakIkata jaNAvI. eTale temaNe kahyuM : 'have tame jAo. tamArA bhAi mahArAjanA darzana thaze ne ame bIjIvAra tyAM gayelA tyAre bhAi mahArAja sthUlabhadrane joyA... ame bhaktibhAvathI vaMdana karyuM. pAchaLathI amane jANavA maLyuM H siMha e bIjo koi nahi, paNa bhAi mahArAja pote ja hatA. potAnI vidyA-zakti batAvavA emaNe AvuM kareluM. 'huM ATaluM bhaNelo chuM. tamane khabara paDavI joie.' AvI vRtti Atma kathAo * 246 sAmAnyatayA mANasonI aMdara beThelI hoya, paNa mArA bhAi mahArAja to bahu ja UMcI kakSAnA sAdhaka hatA. kaMdarpane jItIne 84 covIzI sudhI amara thai janArA mahApuruSa hatA. paNa re, kaMdarpane jItanArA paNa darpa pAse hArI gayA ! A ghaTanAnA kAraNe emane chellA cAra pUryo mAtra sUtrathI ja maLyA, arthathI nahi. eka vakhata vairAgya-vAsita banI zrIyake paNa dIkSA lIdhI. zrIyaka muni bahu tapa karI zakatA nahi. paryuSaNanA divasomAM paNa navakArazI. saMvatsarInA divase paNa navakArazI mATenI taiyArI karatA bhAI mahArAja zrIyakane meM kahyuM : "mahArAja ! Aje navakArazI ? ATalA moTA parvanA divase ?' paNa zuM karuM ? mArAthI nathI rahevAtuM. upavAsa, AyaMbila to huM karI zakuM tema nathI.' upavAsa-AyaMbila na karo to kAMi vAMdho nahi, paNa navakArazImAMthI porasI to karI zakone ? ne have vAra kyAM che ? hamaNAM ja porasI Avaze ! mArI vAta gaLe UtarI gai ne emaNe porasInuM paccakkhANa karyuM. ne huM pharI emanI sAthe vAte vaLagI. samayane pasAra thatAM vAra zI ? porasI AvI pahoMcI tyAre pharI meM kahyuM : 'mahArAja ! Ajano ATalo moTo divasa che to jarA vadhu AgaLa vadhI na zako ? navakArazImAMthI porasI thai zake to zuM porasImAMthI sADhaporasI na thai zake ?' mArI thoDI ja premabharI Takora ane mahArAja mAnI gayA. pharI sADhaporasI vakhate huM hAjara thai. gADI aTake tyAre dhakkA mAravA huM hAjara thai jatI. Aje mAre gADIne upavAsa sudhI pahoMcADI devI hatI. huM preraNA ApatI gai ne mahArAja mAruM mAnatA gayA. sADhaporasIthI purimaDha, ne purimaathI avajra sudhI pahoMcADI dIdhA. pachI parakAya - praveza - 247 -

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kahyuM H mahArAja ! have avadyunA samaye zuM vAparazo ? vAparazo to pANI kyAre vAparazo ? Ameya Aje moTuM pratikramaNa che. hamaNAM pratikramaNa besaze. samaya kyAMya nIkaLI jaze tenI khabara paNa nahi paDe. to upavAsa ja kema na karavo ? thoDA samaya mATe zuM vAparavuM ? ...ane have bIjuM karavAnuM paNa zuM che ? rAte sUi jazo eTale sIdhI paDaze savAra ! saraLa mahAtmA zrIyake mArI e vAta paNa mAnI ne upavAsanA paccakakhANa karI lIdhA. jiMdagImAM prathama vakhata ja upavAsa karyo. mane paNa AnaMda thayo : cAlo... Aje ApaNe eka sukRtanuM moTuM kArya karyuM. bhAi mahArAjane navakArazImAMthI TheTha upavAsa para caDAvI dIdhA ! huM keTalI bhAgyazALI ? paNa pachI zuM thavAnuM che ? enI mane tyAre kyAM khabara hatI ? thayuM evuM ke te ja rAtre AyuSyano kSaya thavAthI mahAtmA zrIyaka svargavAsI banyA. A samAcAra maLatAM ja huM to hacamacI UThI : hAya ! hAya ! meM eka mahAtmAnI hatyA karI. meM bhAi mahArAjanuM khUna karyuM. mArA jevI hatyArI pApamAMthI zI rIte chUTaze ? eka sAmAnya jIvanI hatyA paNa narakanA daravAjA dekhADI zake to A to jIvamAM paNa mANasa ane mANasomAM paNa muni ! muninI hatyA karanAra mArA jevAnuM zuM thaze ? arere... bhagavAna ! A zuM thayuM ? meM zrIyaka bhAi mahArAjane tapa karAvavAnI ghelachA na karI hota to ? huM samajI ke meM dharma karyo... paNa A to karavA gai kaMsAra ne thaI gaI thulI ! huM sAce sAca bhAna bhUlI ! have mAro chuTakAro zI rIte thaze ?" mAruM kALuM kalpAMta joi saunA haiyAM valovAi gayA. zrIsaMghe mane kahyuM: 'tame muninA hatyArA na kahevAo. tame zuddha cho. tamAro bhAva kAMi mArI nAkhavAno hoto. phaLa haMmezAM Azaya pramANe maLato hoya che." chatAM mane saMtoSa na thayo. zrIsaMgha mAruM kalpAMta joi mane zuddha karI de ne huM paNa mArI jAtane zuddha mAnI lauM, AmAM kyAMya Atma vaMcanA to nahi hoya ne ! mana bahu cAlAka che... e potAne anukULa vAta tarata ja svIkArI le che. koinA kahevA mAtrathI zuddha banI javAtuM hoya to mana zA mATe na svIkAre ? huM vicAramAM paDI : mAruM mana mane Atma kathAo * 248 dhokho to nathI detuM ne ? acAnaka ja mane vicAra spharyo : vartamAnamAM mahAvideha kSetramAM vicaratA bhagavAna zrI sImaMdharasvAmI mane jo nirdoSa kahe to ja huM mAnuM ! huM sImaMdharasvAmInA darzanArthe lAlAyita thai UThI. e mATe zAsanadevInI ArAdhanA karI. zAsanadevIe kahyuM : huM tamane mahAvideha kSetramAM zrI sImaMdharasvAmI pAse lai to jAuM ! paNa e mATe caturvidha saMghanA kAussaganuM baLa joie. e sUkSmabaLathI ja huM tyAM pahoMcI zakuM ne tamane pharI ahIM lAvI zakuM ! kAyotsarganI UrjAnA kavaca sahita jo huM jAuM to koi duSTa deva-devI mane vizna pahoMcADI zake nahi. meM zrIsaMghane vAta karI. zrIsaMgha kAyotsarga dhyAnamAM rahevA taiyAra thayo. mane zAsanadevI mahAvideha kSetramAM lai gai ! tyAMnA virATakAya mAnavo joi huM stabdha thai gai ! bApa re ! 500 dhanuSyanI laMbAi ! huM to emanI AgaLa kIDI hatI. puSkalAvatI vijayamAM vicaratA, samavasaraNamAM madhura dezanA ApatA sImaMdharasvAmIne joine huM cakita thai gai ! Aha ! vANImAM zuM mIThAza ! jANe sAMbhaLatA ja rahIe. kadI dharAie ja nahi ! bhagavAne jyAre mane kahyuM : tame nirdoSa cho. tamArA kAraNe nahi, paNa AyuSyano kSaya thavAthI ja zrIya muni kALadharma pAmyA che. tyAre mane parama saMtoSa thayo. bhagavAna pAse meM bharatakSetranA mAnavo mATenI hitazikSA mAMgI. bhagavAne mane cAra cUlikAo ApI. bhagavAne kahyuM te mane sAMbhaLatAM ja kaMThastha thai gayuM. meM bharatakSetramAM AvIne pUjya AcArya bhagavaMtane e cUlikAo ApI. emAMthI be dazavaikAlikanA aMte tathA be AcArAMga sUtranA aMte mUkavAmAM AvI. have mane oLakhI ? huM yakSA ! mArI cha bahenonA nAma paNa tamArA khyAlamAM haze ja : yakSadarA, bhUtA, bhUtadattA, saNA, veNA ane reNA. parakAya - praveza * 249

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- - - - - - - (36) huM koNika koNa jANe kema? mane nAnapaNathI ja mArA bApa para bhAre gusso ! bApa mane sAkSAt sApa lAgato, pApa lAgato ! jyAre jyAre emanI sAme najara karuM, emane mArI nAkhavAno, herAna karavAno ja vicAra Avato. jo ke, mArA pitAzrIe mAruM kazuM bagADyuM hotuM... chatAM huM akAraNa ja bApa para vera rAkhato ! kadAca mAro vera janmAMtaranA anubaMdhavALo hato ! bApa para vera vALavAnI taka haMmezAM zodhyA ja karato ne eka divasa e taka maLI gai ! mAro moTo bhAI hato : abhaya ! abhaya khUba ja buddhimAna ane pitAjIne saMpUrNa samarpita ! e hoya eTale mAro ekeya prayatna saphaLa na ja thAya te svAbhAvika che. abhaya eTalo cAlAka hato ke koinI dALa gaLavA na de ! vaLI e mukhya maMtrI paNa hato. paNa abhaye dIkSA lai lIdhI eTale mAro mArga mokaLo thayo ! ene puNyodaya gaNo to puNyodaya ! pApodaya gaNo to pApodaya, paNa mArI icchApUrti mATeno rasto saraLa banI gayo, eTaluM cokkasa ! have mane mokaLuM medAna maLI gayuM. bApane jelamAM pUrI herAna karavAnI yojanA meM ghaDI kADhI. e mATe sau prathama meM kAla, mahAkAla vagere mArA dasa bhAione sAdhI lIdhA. meM temane samajAvyuM: 'A ApaNA pitAjI ATalA bUDhA thayA chatAM sattA para jaLonI jema cIpakI rahyA che. haju kyAM sudhI cIpakI raheze e paNa kahI zakAya nahi. have to ApaNe ja satarka thavuM paDaze. pitAjIne padabhraSTa karI jelamAM pUrI daie ne ApaNe rAjataMtranA sUtro hAthamAM lai laie." mArA bhAio mArI A yojanAmAM pUrI rIte taiyAra thai gayA. senApati, amAtya, khajAnacI vagerene paNa meM mArA pakSamAM lai lIdhA ane acAnaka jhapATo bolAvI meM pitAjIne jelamAM pUryA ane huM rAjA banI beTho. prajA moTuM vakAsIne jotI ja rahI. huM nirlajja thai rAjya karavA lAgyo. bApane roja so koraDA phaTakArato. Atma kathAo * 250 bApa vadhu rIbAya tema huM vadhu ne vadhu rAjI thato. eka vakhata huM jamavA mATe beselo. mArI mA cellaNA mane bhojana pIrasI rahI hatI. te vakhate mArA khoLAmAM mAro nAno putra beThelo hato. cAlu bhojane eNe pezAba karyo. mArI bhojananI thALI bagADI mUkI, paNa meM e nAnakaDA putra pratye jarA jeTalo paNa gusso na karyo. ene dUra paNa na haDaselyo. mane mArA putra mATe agAdha vAtsalya hatuM. thALImAM mUtrathI bagaDeluM thoDuM bhojana kADhI e ja thALImAM huM tyAre ne tyAre bAkInuM bhojana jamavA lAgyo. jamatAM-jamatAM mane vicAra Avyo : mArA jevo putrapremI bApa bIjo koi haze ? mAro svabhAva mULathI ja abhimAnI ! koi paNa ghaTanAne huM svakendrI banIne ja vicAruM ! Teva ja AvI. meM mAne pUchyuM : mA ! mArA jevo putrapremI bIjo koi bApa te joyo ? putranA mUtravALuM bhojana AroganAra premALa pitA te kyAMya joyo ? mArI vAta sAMbhaLatAM ja mArI mA ekadama tADukI UThI : o kajAta ! tAro putra-prema zI visAtamAM che ? tArA pitAjIne tArA para keTalo prema hato, te tuM jANe che ? enI pAse tAro A prema kAMi na gaNAya. tane Aja sudhI meM kadI je vAta kahI nathI te Aje kahuM chuM. sAMbhaLa. tuM jyAre peTamAM Avyo tyArathI ja mane kharAba dohalA AvavA mAMDelA. mane khAtarI thai cUkI hatI ke A baMdo bApano zatru banaze. AthI ja meM garbhapAta karavA ghaNA prayatna karyo, paNa tuM evuM puNya laine Avelo ke e viSamaya auSadho paNa tArA mATe puSTikAraka banyA. janma thayA pachI paNa dAsI mAraphata meM tane ukaraDe pheMkI naMkhAvyo... tArA pitAjIne A vAtanI khabara paDatAM tarata ja ukaraDe doDyA. tyAM joyuM to eka maraghI tArI AMgaLIne cAMca mArI-mArI lohI-luhANa karI rahI hatI, tuM jora-jorathI raDI rahyo hato. tArA pitAe tarata ja vahAlathI tane uThAvI lIdho ane lohI nIMgaLatI AMgaLI moDhAmAM nAkhI cUsavA lAgyA. jyAre jyAre AMgaLI cUsatA tyAre tyAre tuM rovAnuM baMdha karI deto hato. tArI eka AMgaLI kuNI thai javAthI ja tAruM nAma "Nika' paDyuM che. Aje tuM tArA pitAjInA premane bhUlIne yauvana ane sattAthI parakAya - praveza * 251

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chAkaTo banIne pitAjIne herAna karI rahyo che. eka vAra emanA premane yAda to kara. jo thoDuM-ghaNuM paNa hRdaya jevuM tattva tArI aMdara bacyuM haze to tuM pazcAttApathI pIgaLI jaIza ne pitAjInA caraNomAM DhaLI paDIza. mA pAsethI pahelI ja vAra sAMbhaLelI A vAtothI huM hacamacI UThyo : mArA pitAne mArA pratye ATalo badho prema ? ane huM ATalo nAlAyaka ? pitAjInI sevA karavAnuM to dUra rahyuM, paNa jelamAM pUrI roja so koraDA phaTakAravA? arere... huM keTalo badamAza? kaMi vAMdho nahi. haju pitAjI jIvatA che tyAM sudhI kSamA yAcanA karI, jelamAMthI mukta karI dauM. ..ne huM te ja vakhate jelanuM tALuM toDavA pAse paDeluM lokhaMDanuM mudgara lai jaldI-jaldI doDyo. paNa tyAM jaIne joyuM to huM stabdha thai gayo. jelamAM pitAjInI lAza paDI hatI. hAya ! hAya ! pitAjInA page paDI mAphI mAMgavAnI mArI bhAvanA manamAM ja rahI gai ! pitAjI mArA pratye pUrvagrahanI gAMTha rAkhIne maryA haze. e kalpanAthI huM duHkhI duHkhI thai gayo. pitAjIne jIvanamAM to kadI sukha na ApyuM paNa mRtyu vakhate paNa na ApyuM. - huM nAnakaDA bALakanI jema dhrusake-dhrusake raDI paDyo. polAdI chAtIno gaNAto huM Aje DhIlo ghesa thai gayo hato. mArA rudananA paDaghAthI jANe Akho kArAvAsa paNa raDavA lAgyo. emAM paNa mane jyAre jANavA maLyuM H mArA kAraNe pitAjIe ApaghAta karyo che. lokhaMDano mudgara lai Avato mane joine pitAjI hacamacI UThyA : 'A nAdAna koNika hamaNAM sudhI to mAtra koraDA vIMjhato hato... paNa Aje to lAge che ke mane jAnathI mArI nAkhaze. bicAro A koNika pitRhatyAnA pApathI kharaDAze ane duniyAmAM badanAma thaze. enA karatAM huM jAte ja khatama thai jAuM e vadhu sAruM che ! ne temaNe tAlapuTa viSa moDhAmAM nAkhI jIvanano aMta ANyo...' A badhuM jANavAthI mAruM aMtaHkaraNa raDI UThyuM. arere... huM kevo pitR-hatyAro ! jaga-batrIzIe mAruM nAma haMmezAM hatyArA tarIke gavAze. bhaviSyano itihAsa lakhaze : bhagavAna mahAvIrasvAmInuM utkRSTa sAmaiyuM karanAra koNike bApane jelamAM pUryo hato ! Atma kathAo * 252 mane have kyAMya cena paDatuM nahi. divasa-rAta eka ja vicAra Avato : pitAjI ! pitAjI ! sabhAmAM ! zayanakakSamAM ! bhojanakakSamAM ! hastizALAmAM ! azvazALAmAM ke agAzImAM ! sarvatra mane pitAjI ja yAda AvavA lAgyA. ahIM besIne pitAjI Ama karatA hatA. tyAM besIne tema karatA hatA... basa Akho divasa huM pitAjIne yAda karI-karIne zokamagna rahevA lAgyo. rAjakAjamAM paNa dhyAna ochuM ApavA lAgyo. AthI mArA maMtrIo paNa ciMtAmAM mUkAi gayA. maMtrIoe AvIne mArI pAse vinaMtI karI : "rAjanuM ! pitAjInA mRtyune ghaNo samaya vItI gayo che. have Ape zokamAMthI bahAra AvavuM joie. nItizAstra kahe che : "te zodhyam' ApanA AvA vartanathI ame sau ciMtAmAM chIe. rAjakAja Thappa thai gayuM che. 'tamArI vAta sAcI che. huM svayaM paNa samaju chuM, paNa zuM karuM ? lAcAra chuM. A mahelamAM, A nagaramAM mArI jyAM jyAM najare paDe che, tyAM tyAM pitAjInI smRti AvI caDe che." meM kahyuM. 'AnA mATe ame eka upAya vicAryo che. jyAM sudhI Apa rAjagRhI nagarImAM rahezo tyAM sudhI pitAjInI yAda AvyA ja karavAnI ne Apa zokamagna ja rahevAnA. emAMthI bahAra AvavAno upAya amArI daSTie rAjagRhI nagarano tyAga karI nUtana nagarane rAjadhAnI banAvavI te che. navA sthAne rAjadhAnI thatAM Apane zoka satAvaze nahi.' maMtrIonI vAta mArA gaLe UtarI gai. A mATe meM yogya bhUminI tapAsa karI. gaMgAnA kinAre arNikAputrAcAryanI khoparImAM ugeluM pATala vRkSa joi naimittikoe bhUminI uttamatA jANI tyAM nagara sthApavAnI salAha ApI. meM tyAM nUtana nagaranuM nAma pADayuM : pATalIputra. rAjagRhI choDIne huM kAyama mATe pATalIputramAM sthAyI thayo. pATalIputranuM bIjuM nAma "kusumapura' paNa paDyuM, paNa mukhyatAe pATalIputra prasiddhi pAmyuM. Aje jene tame paTaNA (bihAranI rAjadhAnI) kaho cho, e ja mAruM vasAveluM pATalIputra. parakAya - praveza * 253

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(89) ame caMDALacokaDI zika mAruM nAma to rAkhavAmAM AvyuM hatuM : azoka, paNa bIjAne zokamAM pADavAno ja mAro dhaMdho ! bIjAnI sArI vAta huM kadI sAcI mAnuM ja nahi ane kharAba vAta sAcI mAnyA vagara rahuM nahi. mAro A janmajAta svabhAva ! bIjAnI paTTI utAravI, ThaThThA-mazkarI karavI, bIjAnA paga kheMcavA, e mAro priya zokha ! e mATe huM game teTalI nIce hade paNa utarI jato ! mArA traNa mitro hatA : kAmAMkUra, lalitAMga ane ratikeli! e badhA paNa mArA jevA ja hatA ! jevA ne tevA maLI ja rahe ! bAvaLIAne kAgaDA ne AMbAne koyala maLI ja rahe ! UMdhuM-catuM, ADuM-avaLuM karIne ame rAjAnA maMtrI banI gayA. rAjakAraNamAM kevA kAvAdAvA karavA, mahArAjAne kema khuza rAkhavA, koikanA kema TAMTiyA kheMcavA, e badhI bAbatomAM ame pahelAMthI ja niSNAta hatA. ...ane tame jANo ja cho ke AvA - amArA jevA guMDAo - ja saphaLa rAjakAraNI banI jatA hoya che. jhaDapathI AgaLa AvI jatA hoya che. sajjano to rAjakAraNanA gaMdavADathI seMkaDo gAu dUra ja rahe che. AthI amArA jevA guMDAone mokaLuM medAna maLI jatuM hoya che. eka to vAMdaro ne vaLI dArU pIvAno moko maLI jAya, eka to jhera, ane vaLI ene vadhAravAmAM Ave, eka to vaDhakaNI vahu ane vaLI e mA bane. eka to guMDAnI jamAta ane rAjakAraNano Teko maLe, pachI zuM bAkI rahe ? rAjakAraNano sAtha maLavAthI amArI guMDAgIrI-dAdAgIrI AsamAne caDI hatI. loko amArAthI khUba ja nArAja hatA, paNa emanuM cAle zuM? ame rAjAne barAbara sAdhI lIdhelA hatA. moTAone/rAjAone khuzAmata khUba ja gamatI hoya che - e vAta ame sArI peThe samajatA hatA. khuzAmatanI ekeya take ame choDatA nhotA. eka vakhata rAjAnI sAthe yuddhanA prasaMge bahAra javAnuM thayuM. tyAM Atma kathAo * 254 paNa darabAra bharAto ane avanavI vAto thatI. amArI sAthe ajitasena nAmano eka maMtrI paNa hato. tenA pitA ratnAkara zeThane ajitanAtha bhagavAnanI zAsanadevI ajita bAlAnI kRpAthI e maLelo hato. ethI enuM nAma ajitasena paDyuM hatuM. khUba ja buddhimAna hato. buddhinI sAthe zuddhi paNa ene varelI hatI. amArAthI zuddhi so gAu dUra hatI. enA gaLAmAM phUlanI mALA hatI. AzcaryanI vAta e hatI ke keTalAya divaso vItI javA chatAM e karamAi hotI. phUla to sAMja paDe ne karamAi jAya. karamAi javuM e paNa phUlono svabhAva che, jema marI javuM e mANasono svabhAva che. nahi karamAyelI phUlanI mALA joi rAjAe kAraNa pUchyuM tyAre koi mANase kahyuM : rAjanuM ! A maMtrInI patnI satI che. enA satItvanA prabhAve mALA karamAtI nathI. A sAMbhaLI ame cAreya chaLI uThyA : strI ane satI ? kadI hoya ja nahi. strI ane satI ? baMne ekI sAthe ? Aga ane pANI jevo baMnemAM virodha che. rAjan ! "satI' zabda zAstra pUrato ThIka che. vAstavikamAM satI-batI jevI koi strI hotI ja nathI. nIti zAstrakAroe ja kahyuM che : "sarve kSattiH trIpu no zAntiH | kAke zaucaM kena dRSTaM zrutaM vA ?" sApa ane kSamAzIla ? strI ane vAsanA-rahita ? kAgaDo ane pavitra ? hoi na zake. khuda dropadIe ja nAradane kahyuM che : he nArada ! strIone koi ekAMta sthAna, koi samaya, koI prArthanA karanAra puruSa nathI maLato eTale ja teo "satI' banatI hoya che. dropadInI A vAtamAM kaMika to tathya haze ja ne? maMtrInI strI satI hoya e ame mAnI zakatA nathI. nAma zIlavatI hoi zake, bAkI strI zIlavatI hoi zake nahi. zIlavatI nAma chetarAmaNuM banI zake che. strIo bahu cAlAka hoya che. potAnA patione e aneka rIte bhoLavI zake che. banAvaTI phUlonI mALAmAM attara chAMTIne sugaMdhI banAvI patine soMpI zake ane kahI zake : 'nAtha ! A mALA karamAya to mAnajo ke mAruM satIpaNuM gayuM.' bicAro parakAya - praveza * 255

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mane paNa kalpanA nahotI. puruSo strIonA rUpathI AkarSita thatA hoya che ne strI puruSonA rUpiyAthI AkarSita thatI hoya che, e vAta mane atyAre sAva ja sAcI lAgI. adha lAkha dravya ApIne meM dAsI pAsethI maLavAno divasa mAMgI lIdho. bhoLo puruSa mAnI bese che : oha ! mArI patnI keTalI ucca kakSAnI satI che ! bAkI phUlo na karamAya evuM te kadI banatuM haze ? ugavuM ne AthamavuM sUrajano svabhAva che. janmavuM ne maravuM mANasano svabhAva che. khIlavuM ne karamAvuM phUlono svabhAva che. svabhAva zI rIte badalAvI zakAya ? hA, eka vAta che. kAgaLanA banAvaTI phUlo kadI karamAya nahi. asalI phUlo to karamAvAnA ja ? ame A mAtra vAto nathI karatA. e satInA daMbhano paDado haTAvavA paNa taiyAra chIe. Apa amane AzA Apo. ame tyAM jai ene bhraSTa banAvI AvIe. ame tamane pahelAM ja kahyuM : koinI sAcI vAta sAcI mAnavI amArA svabhAvamAM nathI. amArI vAto sAMbhaLIne rAjAne paNa tamAzo jovAnuM mana thayuM. ardhI lAkha dravya ApIne sau prathama amArA cAramAMthI mane (azokane) zIlavatIne tyAM mokalavAmAM Avyo. huM tarata ja naMdana nagaramAM pahoMcyo. A to mane bhAvatuM kAma maLI gayuM hatuM. eka bAju rAjA taraphathI inAma ! bIjI bAjuthI zIlavatI jevI suMdarIno sahayoga ! amArA jevA bhraSTa mANasane viveka ke maryAdA jevuM kAMi hatuM ja nahi. sva-strI ke parastrI jevI koi bhedarekhA hatI ja nahi. zetAnane bhedarekhA ke lakSmaNa-rekhA zuM ? huM mArA rUpa, buddhi ane saubhAgya para garvita hato. huM ema ja mAnato : game tevI strIne huM vazamAM lAvI zakuM. strIone vaza karavI e mArA DAbA hAthano khela ! huM banIThanIne, attara-battara chAMTIne zIlavatInA ghara pAse gayo. dAsI dvArA zIlavatIne kahevaDAvyuM H tane eka saubhAgyazAlI puruSa maLavA icche che. thoDIvAra pachI dAsIe AvIne kahyuM : "amArAM svAminIe kahevaDAvyuM che ke paisA vinA AvuM kAma na thAya. vyaktinuM vazIkaraNa paisAthI thAya che. ardho lAkha dravya Apo to hamaNAM ja kAma thai jaze." huM malakAI UThyo. ATaluM jaldI mAruM kAma thai jaze ? enI Atma kathAo * 256 nakkI karelA divase malakAto-malakAto huM zIlavatInA ghera gayo. e paNa jANe mane maLavA adhIrI thai hoya tevuM tenA caherA parathI lAgyuM. hasuM hasuM thai rahelo teno cahero aMdaranI cAhanAne pragaTa karato hoya tema lAgyuM. mane mITho satkAra maLyo. mAruM hRdaya jhaMkRta thai rahyuM. romaromamAM zIlavatIne maLavAno AnaMda chavAi gayo. mRdu avAje zIlavatIe kahyuM : "aMdara palaMga DhALelo che tyAM Apa birAjo.' enA rUpe, enA rUpAnI ghaMTaDI jevA mIThA avAje mArA para jAdu karyo hato. huM aMdaranA kaMika aMdhakAravALA oraDAmAM gayo. jyAM palaMga para beTho te ja vakhate dhaDUma... huM sIdho nIce khADAmAM paDyo. palaMganI nIce UMDo khADo hato. palaMga para phakta cAdara hatI. huM Aje barAbara phasAyo hato. huM manomana babaDI uThyo : A to sAluM gajaba thayuM ! ardhI lAkha dravya gayuM. pratijJA pUrI na thai. zIlavatI na maLI ane mUrkha thayo e naphAmAM. A zIlavatI to jabarI nIkaLI. bahArathI kevuM mIThuM-mIThuM bolatI hatI. barAbarano mane khADAmAM UtAryo. have nathI lAgatuM ke A khADAmAMthI mane koi UgAre. he bhagavAna ! have mAtra tAro AdhAra jiMdagImAM prathama vakhata meM bhagavAnane yAda karyA. sAce ja sukhamAM nahi, duHkhamAM ja bhagavAna yAda Ave che. eTale ja bhaktoe bhagavAna pAse duHkha mAgyuM che. kuMtIe kahyuM che : "vipaH santu naH zAzvat' "amane haMmezAM duHkha ja duHkha maLo.' sukha mathe zilA paDo, prabhu hRdaya se jAya; balihArI hai duHkha kI, paLa paLa nAma japAya." Aje mane samajAyuM : bhaktonA jIvanamAM duHkha zA mATe Ave parakAya - praveza * 257

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cAreyamAM lIDara to huM ja hato ne ! lIDare ja sauthI vadhAre sahevuM paDe che? caMdanA, aMjanA, mayaNA, sulasA, sItA, madanarekhA vagerenA jIvanamAM duHkhanA pahADo zA mATe tUTI paDyA ? duHkha vakhate bhagavAna vadhu yAda Ave, bhagavAnanuM niraMtara smaraNa thatuM rahe mATe ja duHkho AvyA haze? duHkho paNa bhagavAnanI kRpArUpe ja AvyA haze ? sAce ja, duHkha e paNa bhagavAnanI nigraha-kRpA che. huM aMdhakArabharyA khADAmAM duHkhapUrvaka divaso pasAra karavA lAgyo. nAnakaDA khADAmAM ja khAvAnuM, pIvAnuM, laghu-vaDI nIti karavAnuM. sUvA vagere karavAnuM ! nAnakaDA ThIkarAmAM thoDuM-thoDuM khAvAnuM zIlavatI mokalatI hatI. mArA jevA anADIne sIdhA karavA hoya to AvuM ja karavuM paDe ne ? lAtonA deva vAtothI mAnatA nathI hotA - e vAta zIlavatI sArI rIte samajatI haze ! 25-30 divasa pachI acAnaka dhaDuma... avAja Avyo. meM joyuM to mArI bAju ja koi eka bhAi uparathI paDyo hato. sAruM thayuM ke e mArA para na paDyo, nahi to mArA hADakAM bhAMgI jAta. huM sahejamAM bacI gayo. dhArIne joyuM to khyAla Avyo : are ! A to mAro laMgoTiyo kAmAMkUra ! huM tarata ja paristhiti samajI gayo. Ava bhAi harakhA ! ApaNe beu sarakhA ! huM manomana bolI UThyo. e kAMi kahe e pahelAM ja huM samajI gayo hato ke rAjAe mArI tapAsa karavA e mUrtine mokalI lAge che ne e paNa mArI jema phasAyo che. cAlo, eka se do bhalA ! A aMdhakArabharyA khADAmAM eka vAto karanAra vyakti to maLI ! ame paraspara vAtacIta karatA rahyA ane amArI mUrkhatA para rotA paNa rahyA ane hasatA paNa rahyA. ema pharI ekeka mahinA pachI amArA bAkInA be laMgoTiyA lalitAMga ane ratikelI paNa paDyA. ame cAreya caMDALa cokaDI ahIM maLI gayA hatA. jANe amane amArA pApoe jIvatejIva narakamAM nAkhyA hatA ! nAnakaDA khADAmAM rahevAnuM, khAvAnuM, pIvAnuM, sUvAnuM vagere badhuM ja karavAnuM ! oha ! keTalo trAsa ! keTalI rIbAmaNa ! meM (azoke) to satata cAra mahInA sudhI AvI rIbAmaNa sahI. Atma kathAo * 258 eka vakhate ame cAreye zIlavatIne uddezIne kahyuM : "o svAminI ! ame tamAro mahimA joyo. amArA kukarmonuM phaLa paNa bhogavyuM maherabAnI karIne have amane bahAra kADho." uparathI zIlavatIe kahyuM : "huM tamane bahAra jarUra kADhIza, paNa e pahelAM huM kahuM tema karavuM paDaze." - "satI mA ! tame kaho tema karavA taiyAra chIe. ame tamArI gAya chIe.' gaikAlanA bharADI ame, Aje beM beM bakarI thai gayA hatA. huM jyAre vAkyamAM chelle 'bhavatu' kahuM, tyAre tamAre paNa 'bhavatu kahevAnuM... barAbara samajI gayA ?" hA... bilakula barAbara samajI gayA. ame 'bhavatu' kahIzuM." bahAra thatI vAtacIta parathI lAgyuM : rAjA jamavA AvavAnA lAge che. tenA mATe badhI taiyArIo thai rahI lAge che. rAjAnA pUrA parivAra mATe rasoI taiyAra karI amArA oraDAmAM mUkI devAmAM AvI. bahArathI taiyArI jevuM kAMi ja na lAge. bhojanano samaya thatAM rAjA saparivAra Avyo, bhojananI koi ja taiyArI na jotAM pAsenA maMtrIne pUchyuM : "A zuM che ? ApaNI majAka to nathI ne ? bhojananI koi ja taiyArI nathI.' "nA... rAjana ! A maMtrI majAka kare evA che ja nahi. ApaNe thobhIe ane joie. pahelethI ja koinA viSe nirNaya bAMdhI devAmAM sAmAne anyAya thavo saMbhavita che.' amArA kAne rAjA-maMtrInI vAtacIto paDI rahI hatI. eTalAmAM zIlavatIe aMdara AvIne badhA sAMbhaLe tema kahyuM : "bho yakSAH ! rAjA samAgataH / ataH sarvaprakAreNa rasavatI praguNA Avatu " (rAjA AvyA che. rasoi taiyAra thai jAya.). ame badhA ekIsAthe bolI UThyA : "mavatuM. ane... tarata ja rasoinA taiyAra TopalA oraDAmAMthI bahAra parakAya - praveza * 259

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bhojana nahi jotAM akaLAyelA rAjAe kapaDuM haTAvyuM... amane cAreyane joyA. sAce ja ame bhUta jevA thai gayA hatA. dADhI, mUcha vadhI gayA hatA. zarIra durbaLa thai gayuM hatuM. cahero cImaLAI gayo hato. dhArI-dhArIne jotAM rAjA oLakhI gayo ane khaDakhaDATa hasI paDyo : are rAma ! tamArI AvI bhUMDI dazA kema thai ? zIlavatInuM zuM thayuM? AvI dazA koNe karI ?" ame zIlavatInA utkRSTa zIla dharmanI vAta karI tathA amArI hAlatanI paNa vAta karI. rAjA sahita badhA stabdha thaI gayA. sau zIlavatInA zIla, buddhi vagere guNonI prazaMsA karavA lAgyA. ame cAra to sIdhAdora thai gayA. pachI kadI ame strIne chaMcheDavAnI hiMmata karI zakyA nahi. AvavA mAMDyA. rAjA to stabdhatAthI A badhuM joI rahyo. - jamyA pachI rAjAe pUchyuM : maMtrIjI ! ame AvyA tyAre koi rasoI taiyAra nhotI. acAnaka ja kevI rIte taiyAra thai gai ? 'rAjanuM ! mAre tyAM cAra yakSo che. AjJA karatAM ja badhuM kAma karI Ape che. rasoi to zuM? paNa bIjA paNa moTA-moTA kAmo palakArAmAM karI Ape che. - "AvA adbhuta yakSo to mAre tyAM zobhe. Ameya mAre ghaNA kAma rahe che. jo yakSo kAma karI Ape to mAre ghaNI ja saraLatA rahe." to mane yakSo Apazo ke ?" jarUra... rAjanuM ! yakSo ApanA ja che. huM paNa Apano chuM, tyAM yakSonI to vAta ja zI ? Apa khuzIthI lai jai zako cho. huM hamaNAM ja karaMDiyAmAM padharAvI Apane ApuM chuM. Apa vAjate-gAjate ApanA mahelamAM lai jAva. paNa eka vAta kadI bhUlazo nahi ke yakSonuM svarUpa koine batAvavAnuM nathI." maMtrIzvaranI AvI udAratA joi rAjA stabdha thai gayo. tyAra pachI amane moTA karaMDIyAmAM nAMkhavAmAM AvyA. upara moTuM kapaDuM DhAMkI rathamAM sthApI rAjamahelamAM laI javAmAM AvyA. amArA rastAmAM kaMkunuM jaLa chAMTavAmAM AvyuM hatuM. AgaLa zAhI vAdyo vAgI rahyAM hatAM. pAchaLa rAjAnI rANIo gIto gAtI hatI. ame manamAM babaDI rahyA hatA : A zIlavatIe ApaNI bhUMDI hAlata karI ! evI bhUMDI hAlata ke have moTuM paNa batAvavA jevuM nA rahyuM. juo.. to kharA... amAro kevo "varaghoDo' nIkaLI rahyo che ! AmAM phajeto kevo thavAno !" amArA AvA vicAronI sAthe svAgata yAtrA pUrI thai. rAjamahelanA daravAje amane vadhAvavAmAM AvyA. bhojana samaye rAjA amArI pAse AvyA. amArI vidhipUrvaka pUjA karI kahyuM : "rasavatA prabhu bhavatu ' ame cAreya ekI sAthe bolI UThyA : bhavatu ! paNa ema 'bhavatu' kahevAthI kAMi bhojana taiyAra thai jAya ? Atma kathAo * 260 parakAya - praveza * 261

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- (80) mArA bhAI mahArAja che tamane kyAreya krodha Ave che ? krodha na Ave evuM to bane ja kema? jo tamane sAva ja krodha na Avato hoya to kAM to tame paththara cho kAM to tame vItarAga cho. chaghastha avasthAmAM krodha na ja Ave evuM na ja banI zake. "krodhathI koDa pUrvanuM cAritra jIvana kSaNavAramAM bhasmIbhUta thai jAya che. krodha eka kSaNika pAgalapana che. krodha jIvanarUpI naMdanavanane kSaNavAramAM registAna banAvI nAkhe che. krodha sAkSAtu agni che. krodha vairanuM kAraNa che. krodha durgatino mArga che. krodha karavAthI paraloka ja nahi, A loka paNa bagaDI jato hoya che. krodhathI mANasanA lohImAM eka prakAranuM jhera pedA thAya che. ema vaijJAniko paNa kahe che. kyAreka to atizaya krodha karavAthI magajanI nasa phATI jatAM hemareja thaine mANasa marI jAya che. krodhathI je kAma thai zake, tenA karatAM lAkhagaNuM kAma kSamAthI vadhu sArI rIte thai zake che. krodhathI pelA sAdhune caMDakauzika sApa banavuM paDyuM to olA kuruTa ane utkarTa nAmanA sAdhuone krodhathI sAtamI narake javuM paDyuM. krodha dUra karazo to ja kSamAdharmane hRdaya-maMdiramAM pratiSThita karI tame paryuSaNanI ArAdhanA sArAmAM sArI rIte karI zakazo. kSamApanA e to paryuSaNano prANa che. krodhanI Aga jyAM baLI rahI hoya tyAM kSamAnuM amRta AvI zakatuM nathI. krodhane tame jo manamAM ja saMgharI rAkhazo to e vera banI jaze. phrIjamAM raheluM pANI barapha banI jAya tema magajamAM saMgharelo krodha vera banI jAya che. verI citta dharmanuM ArAdhaka banI zake nahi." A ane Avo ghaNo upadeza tame sAMbhaLyo haze ? chatAM vAraMvAra tamAruM mana krodhathI khaLabhaLI uThe che... kharuM ne ? have mAre tamane eTaluM ja pUchavuM che : Avelo krodha keTalI vAra rahe che ? keTalAkano krodha vIjaLInA camakArA jevo hoya che. mana-gaganamAM krodhanI vIjaLI AvI na AvI tyAM ja adazya ! sajjanano krodha durjananA sneha jevo hoya che. durjana sneha kare Atma kathAo * 262 ja nahi. kare to lAMbo Take ja nahi. lAMbo Take to paNa chelle koi sAruM phaLa maLe nahi. sajjana krodha kare nahi, kare to lAMbo Take nahi. lAMbo Take to paNa phaLe to nahi ja. keTalAkano krodha dIvA jevo hoya che. 4-6 kalAke tela khUTatAM dIvo olavAi jAya. keTalAkano krodha paNa 4-6 kalAke zAMta thai jAya. keTalAkano krodha sagaDI jevo hoya, 24 kalAka rahenAro ! keTalAkano krodha kuMbhAranA nibhADA jevo hoya, 10-15 divasa rahenAro ! keTalAkano krodha kArakhAnAnI bhaTTI jevo hoya, kadIye zAMta nahi thanAro ! kArakhAnAnI bhaThThI ekavAra zarU thayA pachI prAyaH kadI baMdha na thAya. baMdha thAya to zarU karatAM be-traNa divasa lAgI jAya. keTalAkano krodha paNa Avo hoya. eka vAra gAMTha vALI eTale patyuM. e gAMTha jIvanabhara rahe. jIvanabhara magajanI bhaTTImAM krodhanI Aga bhabhUkatI ja rahe. anaMtAnubaMdhIvALI Aga ! have tame joI lejo : tamArA gussAno kayo prakAra che ? hA... koika evA hoya, jeo sarovara jevA zAMta hoya, game teTalA aparAdhamAM paNa gusse na bharAya. sarovaramAM baLatuM lAkaDuM nAkho to zuM thAya ? lAkaDAnI Aga bujhAi ja javAnI. keTalAkanuM mana paNa AvuM zAMta hoya che. kSamA emanA svabhAvamAM tANA-vANAnI jema vaNAi gai hoya. mArA bhAi mahArAja aMdhaka AvA ja zAMta hatA. mArA pitA rAjA jitazatru ane mAtA dhAriNIdevI. mArA bhAi skaMdhake dharmaghoSa muninI dezanA sAMbhaLI vairAgya-vAsita banI dIkSA lIdhI ne huM paraNIne sAsare AvI. eka vakhate huM jharUkhAmAM beThI hatI ne mArI najara nIce gai : eka sAdhu pasAra thai rahelA hatA. dhArIne joyuM to mArA ja bhAi mahArAja ! oha ! kyAM te vakhatanuM emanuM lAlacoLa zarIra? ane kyAM parakAya - praveza * 263

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atyAranuM sUkalakaDI zarIra ! jANe hAlatuM-cAlatuM hADapiMjara ! mArI AMkhomAMthI azrunI dhAra cAlI : arere...! mArA bhAi mahArAja zuM vAparatA haze ? kyAM rahetA haze ? kyAMthI bhikSA lAvatA haze ? huM ahIM mahelamAM majA karuM chuM ane mArA bhAi mahArAja kevI ugra sAdhanA kare che? dhanya ho ! dhanya ho ! keTalAya samaya sudhI huM bhAi mahArAjane jotI rahI ane AMkhomAMthI AMsu vahAvatI rahI ! be-cAra muhUrtano samaya pasAra thayo tyAre acAnaka mArI najara AMgaNAmAM gai ane te ja vakhate AkAzamAMthI mAMsano loco paDyo. uparathI jatI samaDIe pheMkyo hato. ghaDI bhara huM stabdha banI gai. pAse jaIne joyuM to e mAMsano loco na hato paNa mAMsa-lohIthI kharaDAyelA ogho ane muhapatti hatA. jaina muninA upakaraNa ! e paNa lohIthI kharaDAyelA ? kema kharaDAyA haze ? uparathI koNe pheMkyA haze ? konA haze A ? samaDIe mAMsa samajIne e lIdhuM haze ane pachI pheMkyuM lAge che. meM dhArI-dhArIne joyuM to khyAla Avyo : A to mArA bhAi mahArAjanA che ! acAnaka A zuM thayuM ? haju thoDo samaya pahelAM to joyA hatA. zuM emaNe ApaghAta karyo haze ? koie mArI nAkhyA haze ? kema mAryA haze ? jaina sAdhu to koinuM bagADe nahi. emanI mudrA ja eTalI prazAMta hoya ke jonArAnI AMtaraDI TharI jAya. koine mAravAno vicAra ja na Ave. kayo abhAgiyo haze, jeNe mArA bhAi mahArAjanI, eka jaina muninI hatyA karI ? zuM kAraNa haze ? mArA manamAM vicAronuM vAvAjhoDuM dhasI AvyuM. huM khulAso karavA rAjA pAse doDI gai : "patideva ! gajaba thai gayo. ApaNA nagaramAM eka jaina sAdhunI hatyA thaI che. enI tapAsa thavI ja joie." huM sahasA bolI UThI. e jaina sAdhune tuM oLakhe che ?' rAjAe pUchyuM. hA. sArI rIte.' 'e tAre zuM thAya ?" mArA e sagA bhAi thAya. savAre ja meM emane jharUkhAmAMthI Atma kathAo * 264 joyelA hatA ne huM dhrusake dhrusake raDI paDelI." mArI vAta sAMbhaLatAM ja rAjAnA mukha para pazcAttApanA bhAvo dhasI AvyA. e ekadama mauna thai gayA. "kema... mauna kema cho ? kaMika javAba to Apo. tapAsa to karAvo. tamArA nagaramAM jaina sAdhunI paNa salAmatI na rahetI hoya to bIjAnI to vAta ja zI karavI ? A aMge hamaNAM ne hamaNAM ja tapAsa thavI joie." zuM boluM? bolavA jevuM kAMi rahyuM ja nathI. konI tapAsa karAvuM? huM ja aparAdhI houM tyAM...' zuM tame aparAdhI ? kaI rIte ? kAMI samajAyuM nahi. kaMika phoDa pADIne kaho to samajAya." kahetAM jIbha upaDatI nathI. bhUla mArI ja thai che. meM jyAre tane jaina munine joi raDatI joi tyAre huM judA ja vicAramAM paDI gayo. zaMkAnI DAkaNe mArA mana para kanjo lIdho : nakkI A koi rANIno jUno yAra lAge che ! nahi to rANI raDe kema ? paristhiti vadhu bagaDe e pahelAM ja mAre kAma patAvI devuM joie. zatru, agni, devuM ane roga - A badhAne to ugatAM ja DAmI devA sArA ! A kAMTAne hamaNAM ja ukheDI nAkhavo joie ane... AgaLa-pAchaLa kAMi ja vicAryA vinA sevakone hukama karI dIdho : jAo... hamaNAM ja pelA muninI cAmaDI utaraDI lo... arere... meM keTalI bhUla karI ? keTalI utAvaLa karI ? 'utAvaLA so bahAvarA, dhIrA so gaMbhIra.' A kahevata hajAra vAra sAMbhaLI chatAM khare TAime cUkI gayo. 'jhaTapaTakI dhAnI... AdhA tela AdhA pAnI' A ukti ghaNIvAra sAMbhaLI paNa khare samaye cUkI gayo ! khare TAime khasI jAya te khoparI zA kAmanI ? meM jarA dhIre rahIne vicAryuM hota to ? koikanI salAha lIdhI hota to ? eka sAmAnya mANasanI hatyA paNa bhayaMkara che, paNa meM to muninI hatyA karI nAkhI... e paNa tArA ja bhAi mahArAjanI ! arere... bhagavan! mane kyAM sthAna maLaze ? sAtamI naraka nahi... huM to 14mI narakane lAyaka chuM." parakAya - praveza * 265

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ATaluM bolatAM rAjA raDI paDyA. have huM rAjAne, mArA patine zuM kahuM ? ghaNuM bolI. ghaNuM raDI. ghaNo vilApa karyo... paNa mArA vilApathI kAMi mArA bhAi mahArAja pAchA AvavAnA hatA ? meM mArA bhAi mahArAjane mAranArA mArAone bolAvyA. mAre e jANavuM hatuM ke aMtima vakhate teo zuM bolelA ? temanI kevI avasthA hatI ? vagere jANavAnI mArI khUba ja icchA hatI. te mArAoe AvIne kahyuM : rANIbA ! Aja sudhI rAjAnI AjJAthI ame ghaNAne mAryA che, paNa Avo mANasa amArI jiMdagImAM kadI joyo nathI. zuM apAra samatA ! zuM adbhuta sahanazIlatA ! zuM dhairya ! emanuM mukha jotAM ja ema thai jAya ke AvA muninI ApaNe hatyA karavAnI ? dhikkAra che ApaNI nokarIne ! jyAM AvA adhama kAma karavA paDe. ame emanI pAse jaine kahyuM: "mahArAja ! sIdhA UbhA raho. tamArI cAmaDI amAre utaraDavAnI che. amArA rAjAnI evI AzA che." amane ema ke hamaNAM ja mahArAja vipharaze, zApa Apaze, krodhathI AMdhaLAbhIMta banaze, bhAgavA prayatna karaze. paNa ema ame bhAgavA nahi daie. emanA zApathI ke gussAthI DarIzuM nahi. paNa A to amArI dhAraNAthI sAva juduM ja nIkaLyuM. emaNe to amArI vAta svIkArI ja lIdhI. ame emane jItavA mAMgatA hatA, harAvavA mAMgatA hatA, jhukAvavA mAMgatA hatA. paNa tame, je svayaM hArI jAya tene zI rIte jItI zako ? je svayaM jhukI jAya tene zI rIte jhukAvI zako ? je svayaM duHkhano svIkAra karI le ene zI rIte duHkhI banAvI zako ? asaMbhava ! duHkhano janma asvIkAranI bhAvanAmAMthI pedA thAya che, A mahAsatya amane pahelIvAra samajAyuM, emaNe to sAme caDIne kahyuM : juo, mArA zarIramAM mAMsa-lohI khAsa che nahi. mArI cAmaDI lagabhaga hADakA sAthe coMTI gai che, mATe tamane bahu takalIpha paDaze. tamane jema sukha upaje ema utaraDajo. kAMi takalIpha paDe to kahejo. huM tamane suvidhA rahe tema Ubho rahIza." amane to zarUAtamAM A mAtra Atma kathAo * 266 vANI-vilAsa lAgyo : AvuM te kAMi hotuM haze ? koi cAmaDI utaraDatuM hoya tyAre zAMtithI rahevAya ja zI rIte ? A to hamaNAM bole che. ApaNe cAmaDI cIrazuM tyAre 'hAya mA ! hAya bApA !' pokArI UThaze. paNa Azcarya ! ame cAmaDI utaraDavAnuM zarU karyuM tyArathI mAMDIne TheTha chelle sudhI UMhakAro to na karyo, paraMtu zarIra paNa saheje na halAvyuM. na koi aMgo vikRta thayA. na caherAnA koi bhAva badalAyA ! evI ja samatA TheTha sudhI rahI. e amArAthI dUra... dUra... koi samAdhinA kuMDamAM DUbI gayA hoya tevuM lAgatuM hatuM. paNa ama hatyArAone to samAdhinI zuM khabara paDe ? amAre to kAma patAvavAnuM hatuM. jhaTapaTa kAma patAvIne ame AvI gayA." mArAonI A vAta sAMbhaLI bhAi mahArAjanI samAdhi mATe mAna thayuM, paNa rAjAnA kukarma ane mArI upekSA pratye ghora tiraskAra jAgyo : arere ! ame kevA kukarmI ! koNa jANe kayA bhavamAM amAro vistAra thaze? eka to koi sAdhanA nahi, koi anuSThAna nahi, ne emAMya vaLI AvA mahAtmAnI hatyA ? kayA bhavamAM chuTIzuM ? mane ane mArA patine eTalo pazcAttApa thayo ke saMsAramAMthI rasa ja UDI gayo. ame baMnee saMyama jIvana svIkAravAno nirNaya karyo. zubha kAryamAM vilaMba kevo ? ame tarata ja saMyama svIkArI ja lIdhuM. ghora tapazcaryA karI, karmo khapAvI ame kevaLajJAnI banyA. kevaLajJAnamAM ame joyuM : apAra samatAthI skaMdhaka muni te ja vakhate kevaLajJAnI banI mokSa padhAryA hatA. pUrvanA koi janmamAM cIbhaDAnI akhaMDa chAla utArIne khUba ja prazaMsA karelI. tenA kAraNe rAjA banelA cIbhaDAnA jIve skaMdhaka muninI cAmaDI utaraDAvelI ! karelA karmo sAce ja koine na choDe. jJAnIo eTale ja bAhya nimittane doSa na ApatAM karmane... ethIye AgaLa vadhIne karma bAMdhanAra rAga-dveSathI malina potAnA AtmAne ja doSa Ape che. lAkaDI vAgatAM kUtaro lAkaDIne baTakAM bhare che, paNa siMha lAkaDI mAranAra mANasane pakaDe che. jJAnI puruSo sihavRttivALA hoya che. teo bahAranA koi nimitta para gusse nathI thatA. nimitta to lAkaDI che. lAkaDI para parakAya - praveza * 267

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- (89) huM citrakAra zika gusse zuM thavAnuM ! jeo lAkaDI para gusse bharAya che teo to kutarA jevA tuccha buddhinA che. asalI vAta lAkaDInI nathI, lAkaDIne pakaDanAranI che. asalI vAta koi vyaktinI ke nimittanI nathI, paNa e vyaktine prerita karanAra karmanI che, karmane karanAra AtmAnI che. gusse thavuM hoya to karma para thavAnuM, rAga-dveSanA bhAvo para thavAnuM ! nimitta para zA mATe ? AvI sUjha mArA bhAI mahArAjamAM hatI ane ethI ja AvA jIvaleNa prasaMge teo samatA rAkhI zakyA ane ATaluM UMcuM AlaMbana ApI amane paNa kevaLajJAnanI bheTa ApatA gayA. AvA hatA : mArA bhAI mahArAja ! nAnapaNathI ja mane citro doravAnuM vyasana ! moTo citrakAra banI duniyAmAM nAma kAThuM - e mAruM svapna ! koikane rAjA banavAnI to koikane maMtrI ke zeTha-zAhukAra banavAnI icchA hoya, paNa mane to icchA hatI citrakAra banavAnI. e mATe huM sRSTinA raMga-beraMgI dezya kalAko sudhI joyA ja karato ! kayA kayA raMgonA mizraNathI A saMdhyAnA vAdaLa banyA che ? A moranA pIchA banyA che ? ema mAruM mana sadA vicAra karyA ja karatuM ! ne raMgonuM mizraNa karI huM tevA-tevA raMgo banAvI paNa leto. citrakaLA aMge vadhu zIkhavAnI mArI adamya jijJAsA hatI. eka vakhata meM sAMbhaLyuM : sAketanagaramAM ghaNA zreSTha citrakAra vase che. bhArata varSamAM uttama citrakaLAnuM sthAna tyAM che. AthI sAketa javA huM taiyAra thai gayo. mArI pyArI janma-bhUmi kauzAMbI nagarI choDIne sAketa bhaNI nIkaLI paDyo. jIvanamAM AgaLa vadhavuM hoya, koI kaLAmAM zreSTha niSNAta banavuM hoya to kuTuMba, janmabhUmi vagere ghaNuM-ghaNuM choDavuM paDe - e vAta huM sArI peThe samajato hato. nidrA, tandrA, bhaya, krodha, svajana ane janma-bhUminI Asakti-mahattvAkAMkSI yuvAne A badhAno tyAga karavAno hoya che. e vAta huM nAnapaNathI ja zIkhI gayo hato. sAketa pahoMcIne huM eka citrakAranI vRddha mAtAne ghera Utaryo. thoDA ja samayamAM mAre emanI sAthe AtmIya-saMbaMdha baMdhAi gayo. tyAM rahIne huM vividha citrakAro pAsethI citrakaLA aMgenuM anubhavapUrvakanuM zikSaNa meLavavA lAgyo. samaya sukhapUrvaka sarakavA lAgyo. eka vakhata meM joyuM to vRddha mAtA dhrusake dhrusake raDI rahI hatI. rudananuM kAraNa pUchatAM teNe jaNAvyuM : "Aje mAro putra yakSanA maMdire citra doravA javAno che." parakAya - praveza * 269 Atma kathAo * 268

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'...paNa emAM raDavAnuM zuM ?' beTA ! tuM navo-navo che, eTale kazuM jANato nathI. jo, A nagarIno bhUtakALa teM jANyo hoya to ahIM AvavAnI te kadI hiMmata karI ja na hota.' 'evo te kevo bhUtakALa che ? mane jaNAvo to kharA !' 'sAMbhaLa. A sAketa nagaramAM sUrapriya nAmano eka yakSa rahe che. dara varSe enA maMdira pAse meLo bharAya che. tyAre citrakAro enuM citravicitra rUpa dore che. have A yakSa evI UlaTI khoparIno che ke je citrakAra citra banAve tene jAnathI mArI nAkhe.' "to citra banAvavAnI jarUra zI ? nahi banAvavuM joie citra." huM vacce ja bolI uThyo. "mArI vAta to pUrI sAMbhaLa. jo koi citrakAra citra banAve ja nahi to AkhA nagarane mArI nAkhe. AkhA nagaramAM mAri-marakI phelAve. AvuM hovAthI badhA ja citrakAro gAma choDIne bhAgI gayA. AthI AkhuM nagara parezAna banatAM rAjAe nagarathI bahAra gayelA citrakArone vINIvINIne pakaDacA ane nagaramAM vasAvyA. pachI rAjAe badhA citrakAronA nAmo lakhI ciThThI banAvI eka ghaDAmAM rakhAvI che. dara varSe eka ciThThI kADhavAnI. jenI ciThThI Ave teNe yakSanuM citra doravAnuM ane maravAnuM. durbhAgye A varSe mArA dIkarAnA nAmanI ciThThI nIkaLI che. e bicAro Aje marI javAno. huM pati-vihoNI to chuM ja, paNa Aje putra-vihoNI paNa banIza." "nA... huM ema nahIM thavA dauM ! tamArA putrane badale huM ja yakSa pAse jaiza. tamAre raDavAnI jarUra nathI." "are ! bhAi ! tuM paNa mAro ja beTo che ne ? tane to kema javA dauM ? ciThThI amArA nAmanI nIkaLI che. ame bhogavI laizuM. tuM A saMkaTamAM paDato nahi.' ...paNa vRddhAnuM kAMi paNa sAMbhaLyA vagara huM javA taiyAra thai gayo. mArA manamAM eka ja vicAra hato : jyAM ApaNe utaryA hoie, jenuM Atma kathAo * 270 luNa ApaNA peTamAM gayuM hoya, tene saMkaTa samaye madadarUpa na banI zakIe to ApaNuM jIvatara zA kAmanuM ? koikanA bhalA mATe A jIvana vaparAi jAya, ethI bIjuM rUDuM zuM ? kadAca mAruM puNya jora karatuM hoya, kadAca mArI paropakAra-bhAvanA prabaLa hoya to yakSa khuza paNa thai jAya ane AkhA nagarane kAyamI abhayadAna paNa maLI jAya. AvI bhavya vicAradhArAo sAthe yakSa pAse javAnI taiyArI karavA lAgyo. be upavAsanuM tapa karyuM. snAna karI, caMdananuM vilepana karI mukha para AThapaDuM vastra bAMdhI huM navI pIMchIo ane suMdara raMgothI tyAM jai yakSanI mUrti cItaravA lAgyo. citra dorAi gayA pachI hAtha joDI vinayapUrvaka meM kahyuM : 'he yakSarAja! kyAM ApanuM divya svarUpa ane kyAM garIba bALaka huM ? huM Apane citramAM utAravA koi rIte samartha nathI. moTA citrakAro paNa samartha na hoya to huM koNa ? tema chatAM meM kAMi yukta-ayukta doryuM hoya to mApha karajo. Apa to nigraha-anugraha karavAmAM samartha cho.' mArA vinayathI yakSa khuza-khuzAla thai gayo. mArA para prasanna thaine bolyo : 'bola beTA ! tAre zuM joie che ? je joie te ApavA huM taiyAra chuM.' 'havethI koi paNa citrakArane Apa mAro nahi, e ja mAre joie che.' 'enA sivAya ?' "nagaranA koi sAmAnya mANasane paNa havethI Apa nahi mAro, evI A bALanI apekSA che." "e badhuM to meM nakkI karI ja dIdhuM che. havethI huM koine nahi mAruM. paNa vatsa ! A badhuM to teM parArtha mATe mAMgyuM. tArA potAnA mATe paNa kaMika mAMga. tuM mAMgIza to mane AnaMda thaze." "o kRpALu ! jo Apa prasanna thaine kaMika ApavA ja cAhatA ho to A sevakane citra-kalA-samrATa banAvo. mAre dhana-dolata ke padapratiSThA vagere kazuM joituM nathI. mAre citrakaLAmAM sarvopari banavuM che. parakAya - praveza * 271

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koi paNa vyakti ke vastuno eka ja bhAga mArA jovAmAM Ave tenA AdhAre te vyakti ke vastunuM huM saMpUrNa citra dorI zakuM - evuM varadAna Apo." 'tathAstu'nA AzIrvAda sAthe yakSa adezya thai gayo. joyuM ? vinaya ane premano A kevo camatkAra ? je kAma moTAmoTA citrakAro paNa na karI zakyA te mArA jevA nAnakaDAe karI batAvyuM. lokhaMDanI sAMkaLa karatAM paNa premano kAco dhAgo baLavAna che. abhimAnanI akkaDatA karatAM vinayanI naramAza baLavAna che. AthI ja to akkaDa dAMtone narama jIbha jItI le che. akkaDa vRkSo tUTI jAya che, taNAI jAya che. paNa namra netara TakI rahe che. namra suvarNanA sau dAgInA banAve che. akkaDa lokhaMDane koi sonI aDato nathI. - yakSanA AzIrvAda lai huM pelI vRddhAnA ghare Avyo. mane jIvato pAcho Avelo joi AkhuM nagara rAjI thayuM. badhAe mAruM khUba ja sanmAna karyuM. nagara AnaMdI banatAM huM paNa vadhu ne vadhu AnaMdI banyo. AnaMda evo padArtha che, je ApavAthI vadhe che. AnaMda ja nahi, je kaMi paNa ApIe te vadhatuM ja jAya - vadhatuM ja jAya. sukha ApIe to sukha vadhe. duHkha ApIe to duHkha. jJAna ApIe to jJAna vadhe. mAna ApIe to mAna. je bIjAne ApaNe ApIe chIe te ja anekagaNuM thaine ApaNane maLe che. Aje jo ApaNane duHkha maLatuM hoya to pahelAM e ApaNe koine ApeluM che. sukha joituM hoya to bIjAne ApavAnuM zarU karo. sukha evI adbhuta vastu che, je ApaNe ekalA saMgraha karavA mAMgIe to kadI ekaThuM thAya ja nahi. bIjAne vaheMcatAM cAlIe tema tema vadhatuM cAle ! sukha vaheMcatAM ghaTatuM nathI, vadhe che. ApaNI takalIpha e che ke ApaNe sukhane vaheMcatAM nathI, "badhuM sukha mane ekalAne ja maLe. evI vRttithI ja badhI pravRtti karIe chIe, ethI ja du:khI thaie chIe. Aje mane pahelI ja vAra sukha-prAptino upAya maLyo. AkhA nagarane jIvana-dAna ApavAthI je AnaMdanI anubhUti thai te avarNanIya che. mArA jIvananuM A sarvottama kArya hatuM. Atma kathAo * 272 sAketamAM mAruM mAna khUba vadhI gayuM hatuM, chatAM huM have kauzAMbI javA talasI rahyo hato. citrakaLAmAM niSNAta banavAnuM mAruM kAma pUruM thai gayuM hatuM. have ahIM rahevAno koI matalaba nahoto. vaLI, vAraMvAra mane janmabhUminI yAda AvI jatI hatI. janmabhUmi game tevI hoya paNa mANasa tene kadI bhUlI zake nahi. "jananI janmabhUmiza thaiffs garIyasI' ...ne vinA vilaMbe huM kauzAMbI nagarIe AvI pahoMcyo. huM pahoMcuM enA pahelAM mArI kIrti tyAM pahoMcI gai hatI. nagaranA moTA-moTA citrakAro paNa mane sanmAna ApavA lAgyA. padArthanA eka aMzane ja joine AkhuM citra banAvavAnI mArI vizeSatAthI huM ApoApa mahAna citrakAronI prathama haroLamAM AvI gayo. badhA citrakAro mArI AvI vizeSatAthI banelA citro joi bolI uThatA : AvI kaLA yakSanA varadAna vinA hoi zake nahi. amArA kauzAMbI nagaranA rAjA zatAnIke ekavAra eka adbhuta citrazALA banAvavA vicAryuM. e mATe mahAna citrakArone bolAvyA. temAM mAro paNa naMbara lAgyo. huM dila daine kAma karavA lAgyo. have thayuM evuM ke mane je jagyA maLI hatI te bilakula aMtaHpuranI pAse ja hatI. eka vakhate gavAkSamAMthI meM koi strIno aMgUTho joyo... aMgUThAnI mRdutA tathA tenA viziSTa lakSaNo joi meM vicAryuM : A aMgUTho mahArANI mRgAvatIno ja haze. te ja vakhate mArA mananA gaganamAM vicAranI vIjaLI jhabUkI UThI : A aMgUThA parathI jo huM mRgAvatI rANInuM citra doruM to ? mahArAjA kevA prasanna banI jaze ? sAce ja mAruM nAma thai jaze. ne te ja vakhate meM mahArANInuM citra banAvavA mAMDyuM. eka aMgUTho joyo eTale bahu thai gayuM ! mArI samakSa yakSanA varadAnanA prabhAvathI mahArANInI AkhI AkRti dekhAvA lAgI ne te anusAra huM citra banAvavA mAMDyo. jyAre huM mahArANInI AMkha banAvato hato tyAre pIMchImAMthI kALA raMganuM TapakuM sAthaLa para paDyuM. meM ene luchI nAkhyuM. parakAya - praveza * 273

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pharI paDyuM, pharI luchayuM. Ama traNa vAra thayuM tyAre meM vicAryuM : mahArANInA sAthaLamAM cokkasa AvuM koi lAMchana haze. to have e bhale rahyuM. thoDIvAramAM mahArANInuM Abehuba citra taiyAra thai gayuM. mane ema ke A citra joi rAjA mArA para khuzakhuzAla thai jaze. mane te vakhate kalpanA paNa nahotI ke A citra dvArA rAjAne gerasamaja UbhI thaze ne huM nAhaka parezAna thaiza. bhaluM karatAM bhUMDuM thaze evI kalpanA to kone hoya ? thoDI ja vAramAM mahArAjA zatAnIka padhAryA. rANInuM citra jotAM ja temano cahero lAlacoLa banI gayo. emanA caherA parathI huM emanA mananA bhAvo vAMcI rahyo hato : A harAmakhora citrakAre mArI rANIne bhraSTa karI lAge che. nahi to vastranI aMdara rahelA sAthaLanuM cihna e zI rIte jANI zake ? A citrakAra Avo pAkyo ? ene barAbara methIpAka cakhADavo paDaze. ane thoDI ja miniTomAM mArA hAthe-page beDIo paDI. rAjAnA mANasoe mane muzkeTATa bAMdhyo. mArA para AvelI vipattithI coMkI UThelA mArA sAthI citrakAroe rAjAne vinaMtI karI : "rAjana ! A citrakArane yakSanuM varadAna maLeluM che. eTale e koi vyakti ke vastunA amuka bhAgane joine paNa AkhuM citra banAvI zake che. rANInA citramAM eno koi ja doSa nathI. maherabAnI karIne enA para koi zaMkA karazo nahi ke koi sajA karazo nahi. e taddana nirdoSa che. amArA vacananI khAtarI Apane na thatI hoya to parIkSA karI zako cho. rAjAe mArI parIkSA karavA eka kubaDI dAsInuM mukha batAvyuM. meM tenA AdhAre pUrUM citra dorI ApyuM. AthI rAjAnI zaMkA to dUra thai gai, paNa aMdara irSyA rahI gai. AthI ja rAjAe mArA jamaNA hAthano aMgUTho kapAvI nAkhyo. meM pelA yakSa pAse jai tapathI tene prasanna karI DAbA hAthe paNa tevuM ja citra doravAnuM varadAna meLavI lIdhuM. chatAM huM aMdarathI chaMcheDAi UThyo hato : rAjAne ATalI khAtarI karI batAvI Atma kathAo * 274 chatAM ATalI kinnAkhorI ? mAro evo kayo guno ? kalAmAM niSNAta thayo, yakSanuM varadAna maLyuM, e ja mAro guno ? bhale Aje rAjAe mane sajA karI, paNa huM have choDavAno nathI. bhale e rAjA rahyo ane huM citrakAra rahyo, paNa tethI zuM thayuM? nAno macchara moTA hAthIne parezAna nathI karI zakato ? nAnuM chidra moTA vahANane DUbADI nathI zakatuM? nAno kAMTo moTA mANasane besADI nathI deto ? nAno kaNa AMkhane baMdha karI nathI deto? game te thAya paNa huM badalo levAno, levAno ne levAno ja ! huM aMdara ne aMdara samasamI rahyo. apamAnanI Aga keTalI bhayaMkara che ? sAketanagaranA tamAma mANasonuM bhaluM karavAnI icchAvALo ane bhaluM karanAro huM koi mAruM bhUMDuM kare e sahana karI zakyo nahi. sAce ja bIjAnuM bhaluM karavuM saheluM che, paNa bIjA taraphathI thatuM bhUMDuM sahana karavuM muzkela che. bIjAnuM bhaluM karavAmAM ahaM poSAya che. jyAre apamAnamAM ahaM ghavAya che. ahaM ghavAya tyAre sahana karavuM ghaNuM muzkela che. enA mATe ahaM rahitatAnI sAdhanA joie. meM citra-kaLAnI sAdhanA to karI hatI, paNa ahaM zUnyatAnI sAdhanA hotI karI. citrakaLA meM hastagata karI hatI, paNa dharma-kaLA mArAthI haju dUra hatI. zatAnIkane pachADavA meM manomana yojanA banAvI : haM... eka upAya che. atyAre pUrA bhAratamAM ujjainano caMDapradyota rAjA kAmI che. je je sArI rUpALI strIo enA dhyAnamAM Ave che te badhI game tyAMthI uThAvI lAvIne aMtaHpuramAM bharato jAya che. jo huM mRgAvatInuM citra tene batAvuM to jarUra te lalacAze. pachI mAre kazuM nahi karavuM paDe. mAre mAtra tamAzo joine rAjI thavAnuM raheze. je citrakaLAthI yakSane prasanna karIne meM AkhI nagarIne bacAvI hatI, te ja citrakaLAthI Aje huM mArI nagarIne, mArI nagarInA rAjAne tArAja karavA taiyAra thayo hato. koi paNa maLelI viziSTa zakti bedhArI talavAra che. eno sadupayoga paNa thai zake ane durupayoga paNa. zakti to koro kAgaLa che. enA para suMdara citra paNa banAvI zakAya ne kALo raMga paNa parakAya - praveza * 275

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(40) somadata. DhoLI zakAya. zakti to medAna che. enA para bagIco paNa banAvI zakAya ane ukaraDo paNa. zakti to kevaLa zabda che. tenA dvArA gIto paNa gAi zakAya ane gALo paNa banI zakAya. zuM karavuM te ApaNA hAthanI vAta che. Aje huM mArI zaktine vinAzaka kAryamAM pravartAvavA taiyAra thayo hato. Akhare meM mArI yojanA amalamAM mUkI ja dIdhI ane sAce ja dhAryuM pariNAma ja AvyuM. rAjA caMDapradyota mRgAvatInA citrane joine gAMDo ghelo ja thai gayo. vaLI, mIThuM-maracuM bhabharAvIne meM umeryuM : rAjana ! A citramAMnuM rUpa to kAMi nathI. ene citramAM kaMDAravA to moTA-moTA citrakAro paNa pAchA paDe. enA rUpa pAchaLa devAMganAo paNa jhAMkhI paDe. bAkI, citrothI ke zabdothI to keTaluM kahI zakAya ? najare jovAthI ja sAco khyAla AvI zake. caMDapraghAta mATe to ATaluM basa hatuM. eNe mRgAvatI meLavavA dhamapachADA zarU karI dIdhA. sau prathama zatAnIka rAjA pAse dUta mokalyo, paNa ema koI potAnI patnI ApatuM haze ? AthI caMDapradyota dhUMdhavAyo ane vizALa sainyanI sAthe kauzAMbI para caDAi karI. A samAcAra sAMbhaLatAM ja zatAnIka rAjAne eTalo AghAta lAgyo ke laDAi zarU thAya e pahelAM ja atisAranA rogathI e marI gayo. mRgAvatI mArA kAraNe akALe vidhavA thai. huM rAjI-rAjI thai gayo : calo, mArI yojanA pAra paDI. mArI A vAta saune kAnamAM kahe che : kadI koi nAnAnI paNa upekSA karazo nahi ke nAhaka sajA Apazo nahi. nAno paNa kyAreka bhAre paDI zake te kadI bhUlazo nahi. pATalIputranA bujharga zeTha somadatte potAnA eka mitrane potAno eka viziSTa anubhava kahyo : mArI pAse eka divasa eka yuvAna Avyo. enI AMkhomAM AMsu hatA. caherA para nirAzA hatI ! mArI pAse AvatAM ja e codhAra AMsue raDI paDyo. huM AzcaryamAM paDI gayo. AvA garbhazrImaMta yuvAnane vaLI raDavAnuM zuM kAraNa haze ? huM ene nAnapaNathI ja oLakhato hato. enA pitA jinadatta zeTha to khAsa mArA snehALa mitra ! sukha-duHkhanI vAto karatA ame keTalAya kalAko vItAvI detA. emanI sAthe vAto karatA mane to ema ja lAgatuM : jANe DahApaNanA dariyA pAse beThA ! kharekhara enA pitA DahApaNano bhaMDAra hatA to A putra bhoLapaNano bhaMDAra hato. huM ghaNIvAra jinadattane kaheto : "bApa tevA beTA ne vaDa tevA TeTA' evuM duniyA kahe che, paNa tamArA dIkarAmAM tamArA DahApaNano koi aMza utaryo hoya tevuM lAgatuM nathI. mArI vAta sAMbhaLIne jinadatta zeTha mauna thai jatA. gherI udAsInatA temanA mukha para chavAi jatI. kyAreka e mane kahetA : somadatta ! tuM jANe che ke mAro putra bhoLo che, vyavahAramAM kuzaLa nathI. atyAre to ThIka che. paNa mArI gerahAjarImAM bicArAnuM zuM thaze ? A duniyA to evI che ke tamArAmAM DahApaNa na hoya to badhA tamane phADI khAya ! bhoLapaNano badhA lAbha uThAve. to huM kadAca A duniyAmAM na houM to tame mArA dIkarAne saMbhALajo. ene vyavahAra-kuzaLa banAvajo. mArA zarIrano bharoso to have bahu ocho che. kharekhara emanI A bhaviSyavANI sAcI paDI hatI. thoDA vakhata agAu ja jinadatta zeTha gujarI gayA. meM tene vahAlathI pUchayuM : kema beTA ! zuM thayuM ? ATalo rahe che zAno? tArA pitA to tArA mATe aDhaLaka saMpatti choDI gayA che. pachI duHkha kai vAtanuM che ? parakAya - praveza * 277 Atma kathAo * 276

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eNe kahyuM : kAkA ! tamArI vAta sAcI che, paNa huM to atyAre sAva kaMgALa thai gayo chuM. bajAramAM jatAMya mane zarama Ave che. gai kAle jeo mane zeTha... zeTha... kahIne bolAvatA teo Aje mane jotAM ja moDhuM pheravI le che. badhAne khabara paDI gaI che ke AnA khIsA khAlI che ! khAlI khIsAvALAnuM mAna zuM ? mRtyu pahelAM mArA pitAjIe mane 10 zikhAmaNa lakhI ApI hatI, paNa e anusAra vartavA jatAM to huM pAyamAla thai gayo. huM camakI UThyo. pitAnI zikhAmaNa anusaratAM koi putra pAyamAla thai jAya ? hoya nahi. meM pUchyuM : mane kahIza? kaI zikhAmaNo hatI. teNe kahyuM : sAMbhaLo - (1) gharanI cAre tarapha dAMtanI vADa karavI. (2) koine dhana ApI levA javuM nahi. (3) mAthe jarA paNa bhAra upADavo nahi. (4) divasane saphaLa karavo. (5) strIne thAMbhale bAMdhIne mAravI. (6) sadA mIThAi khAvI. (7) sukhe sui javuM. (8) gAme gAma ghara karavA. (9) mAThI dazA Ave to gaMgA yamunAnI vacce khodavuM. (10) pratyeka kSetre dhana vAparavuM. ane sAthe-sAthe e paNa kaheluM : AmAM kAMi na samajAya to mArA mitra somadattane pUchavuM. hAthIdAMto lAvIne meM vADa karI, paNa loko e luMTI gayA. uchInuM dhana ApIne levA ja na gayo, to paisA badhA DUbI gayA. mAthe jarA paNa bhAra na upADyo, ne majUrone moM mAMgyA paisA ApyA. patnIne thAMbhale bAMdhIne mArI to e piyara bhAgI gai. roja mIThAi khAtAM peTa bagaDI gayuM. gAmaDAomAM Thera-Thera makAno bAMdhavA mAMDyA, paNa badhAM adhUrAM rahyA ane e badhAnA mAlika tyAMnA ja koi loko banI gayA. Atma kathAo * 278 gaMgA-jamunAnI vacce keTaluMya khodakAma karyuM, paNa barabAdI sivAya kazuM maLyuM nahi. khetaromAM jaine rUpiyA vAvI Avyo, paNa Aja sudhI rUpiyAnuM ekeya jhADa UgyuM nathI. zuM karuM ? pitAnI zikhAmaNo mAnavA jatAM huM to herAna-herAna thai gayo. bhoLenAthanI vAta sAMbhaLI huM manomana hasI paDyo. meM kahyuM : A badhAno javAba huM pachI ApIza. meM tene bIjI ADI-avaLI vAtomAM nAkhyo. Ama ghaNo samaya thatAM tene kakaDIne bhUkha lAgI tyAre khAvA mATe bAphelA coLA ApyA. kakaDIne bhUkha lAgI hovAthI tene te paNa ghebara jevA mIThA lAgyA. sAMje meM tene rojameLa nAmuM ThAmuM AdinuM kAma soMpyuM. traNa kalAka sudhI kAma karatAM-karatAM eTalo thAkI gayo ke te beThA beThA UMghavA lAgyo. meM kahyuM : jA... have sAmenA khATalAmAM navakAra gaNIne sUI jA. te tarata ja ghasaghasATa UMghI gayo. bIjA divase ene bolAvIne meM kahyuM : sAMbhaLa. tArA pitAjI ghaNA ja vyavahAra kuzaLa catura puruSa hatA. mAre emanI sAthe varSono saMbaMdha hato. emanA jevA mANasa pAyamAlI karanArI zikhAmaNa bIjAne paNa na Ape to sagA putrane zI rIte Ape ? paNa vatsa ! teM pitAnA mAtra zabdo pakaDyA che, bhAvArtha nathI pakaDyo. satya zabdomAM nathI hotuM, bhAvArthamAM hoya che, e vAta tAre barAbara yAda rAkhavI joie. vyavahAramAM paNa keTalAka vAkyomAM ApaNe zabdo nathI jotA, bhAvArtha ja pakaDIe chIe. jema ke (1) "rasto kyAM jAya che ?' kharekhara to rasto kyAreya kyAMya jato nathI. emAM cAlatA vAhano-mANaso vagere jAya che, rasto to sthira che, chatAM ApaNe bolIe chIe : "A rasto kyAM jaze ?' (2) "ghaDo jhame che.' kharekhara ghaDo thoDo jhame che ? emAMnuM pANI jhame che. AvA to ghaNA udAharaNo ApI zakAya. AvA sAdA vAkyomAM paNa zabdArtha na cAle to tArA pitAjInI zikhAmaNamAM zI rIte cAle ? tArA pitA to khUba ja DAhyA ane UMDI koThAsUjhavALA hatA. parakAya - praveza * 279

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sAMbhaLa. have huM tane e zikhAmaNonuM rahasya batAvuM. gharanI AsapAsa dAMtonI vADa karavI, eno artha e ke ApaNI AsapAsa rahenArA badhA mANaso sAthe madhura ane hitakArI vacano bolavA joie. jethI ApaNA mukhamAM rahelA dAMtanI ja ApaNI AsapAsa majabUta vADa thAya. ApaNo pahelo mitra paDozI che, jarUra paDye e ja kAma Ave che. paNa mAnava svabhAvanI e nabaLAi che ke e tene ja pahelo duzmana banAve che. dAMtothI vADa to nathI banAvato paNa banelI hoya to paNa toDI nAkhe che. eka vAta kadI bhUlIza nahi - ke dAMtothI vADa bane paNa che ne tUTe paNa che. - vacanamAM amRta paNa che ne jhera paNa che. vacanamAM soya paNa che ne kAtara paNa che, saMgrAma paNa che ne saMdhi paNa che. joDavAnuM ane toDavAnuM baMne kAma tene AvaDe che. - AMkha, kAna, nAkanA chidra babbe hovA chatAM temane kAma eka ja che. jyAre jIbha eka hovA chatAM paNa kAma be che : bolavAnuM ane khAvAnuM ! khyAla rAkho to baMnethI sudhare ane khyAla na rAkho to baMnethI bagaDe. duniyAmAM davAkhAnA ane kacerI khAnA jIbhanI pedAza che. khAvAmAM bhAna nahi rAkhatI jIbha mANasane davAkhAne dhakele che ane bolavAmAM bhAna nahi rAkhatI jIbha (jhagaDo thavAthI kesa thatAM) kacerI khAne dhakele che. "jillA meM amRta vase, viSa bhI usake pAsa; eke bolyA koDi guNa, eke koDi vinAza." (2) "bIjAne dhana ApIne mAMgavA na javuM.' enuM rahasya e ke ApaNe lenAra pAsethI doDhI ke bamaNI kiMmatanI vastu rAkhI pachI dhana ApavuM. AthI vastu levA pelo ja sAmethI Ave. ApaNe javuM na paDe. samajyo ? (3) "mAthe jarA paNa bhAra upADavo nahi.' poTalA mAthA para hovA e bhAra nathI, mAthe RNa hovuM e ja kharo bhAra che. DAhyA mANasoe kahyuM che ke RNano bhAra kadI rAkhavo Atma kathAo * 280 nahi. hoya to jaladI patAvI devo. kAraNa ke vaDanA bInI jema thoDuM paNa RNa vadhatuM-vadhatuM khUba ja moTuM thai jAya che. A saMdarbhamAM keTalIka nItinI suktio jANavA jevI che. thoDuM RNa, thoDuM vraNa (ghA), thoDI Aga ke thoDI kaSAyanI vRtti - thoDI paNa vizvAsa yogya nathI. kAraNa ke emane thoDAmAMthI ghaNuM thatAM jarAya vAra lAgatI nathI." "pALI zakAya tevuM vacana bolavuM. arthe mArge choDI devo paDe tevo bhAra upADavo nahi. RNa utAravAmAM vilaMba karavo nahi." "dharmanA AraMbhamAM, RNa utAravAmAM, dhana prApta karavAmAM, zatrunA ghAtamAM, Aga bujhAvavAmAM ane roga dabAvavAmAM kSaNamAtrano paNa vilaMba karavo nahi." "telanI mAlIza, RNanuM pheDavuM ane kanyAnuM mRtyu - A traNanI zarUAtamAM duHkhadAyI lAgatA hovA chatAM pariNAme tevA nathI hotA." A bhavamAM jo ApaNe koinuM RNa na cUkavIe to parabhavamAM nokara banIne athavA gAya, bheMsa ke pADA banIne RNa cUkavavuM paDe che. ApaNo devAdAra mANasa jo bharapAi karavAmAM samartha na hoya to tene cokhkhuM kahI devuM joie : "sagavaDa thAya to mane mArI rakama ApI deje. nahi to mArA taraphathI dharmakAryamAM vAparaje." Ama karavAthI RNano saMbaMdha lAMbAkALa sudhI cAlato nathI. nahi to bhavAMtaramAM paNa vera-vRddhi thatI rahe che. (4) 'divasane saphaLa karavo." eTale ke kaMika dhana avazya kamAvuM. dhanArjanathI ja gRhasthano divasa saphaLa thayo lekhAya. nItizAstro kahe che ke - vaNika, vezyA, kavi, bhATa, cora, jugArI ane brAhmaNa je divase navuM kamAtA nathI te divasane vyartha mAne che. (5) "strIne thAMbhale bAMdhI mAravI." eTale ke patnIne putrAdinA snehanA thAMbhale bAMdhavI. ne pachI jarUra paDe to mAravI. putra-putrI AdinA janma pachI patnIne koi samaye mAravAmAM Ave to paNa vAMdho nahIM. parakAya - praveza * 281

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putrAdinA premanA kAraNe te ghara choDI zakatI nathI. (6) 'sadA miSTAnna khAvuM.' eTale ke kakaDIne bhUkha lAge tyAre ja khAvuM. bhUkha vinA ghebara paNa mIThA nathI lAgatA ane bhUkha hoya tyAre roTalA paNa ghebarathIya mIThA lAge che, e vAta tuM kadI bhUlato nahi. kharo svAda mIThAimAM nathI, paNa bhUkhamAM che. gai kAle eTalA mATe ja meM moDethI tane bhojana ApyuM hatuM. kakaDIne bhUkha lAgI hovAthI bAphelA coLA paNa tane kevA mIThA lAgyA hatA ? A ja kharI mIThAi che. pUrvanuM khAdheluM pacyuM na hoya ane navuM levAmAM Ave to roga thavAnI ghaNI zakyatAo che. "maLa ane vAyumAM durgaMdha hoya, kAco maLa Ave, zarIra bhAre lAge, anna para aruci thAya, khATA oDakAra Ave - A ajIrNanA cihno che. ajIrNa hoya tyAM sudhI bhojana choDI devuM. bhUkha lAge tyAre samayasara lolupatA vinA svasthatAthI khAvuM. nItizAstramAM kahyuM che : 'he jIbha ! tuM khAvAmAM ane bolavAmAM parimita bana. bahu khAvuM ane bahu bolavuM mANasane mRtyu paNa Ape che." (7) 'sukhe sUi javuM.' AvI koi zikhAmaNa ApatuM haze ? apramAdanI zikhAmaNa hoya, sUvAnI thoDI zikhAmaNa hoya ? paNa enuM rahasya e che ke kAma karIne lothapotha thai gayA hoie, ghasaghasATa UMgha AvatI hoya tyAre ja sUvuM. gai kAle meM tane mAMkaDabharyA khATalAmAM sUvaDAvyo hato chatAM kevI UMgha AvI gai ! parizrama pachI gADha UMgha AvatI hoya che. "bhUkha na jue TADhA bhAta, UMgha na jue tUTI khATa." A vAta yAda che ne ? (8) 'gAme gAma ghara karavuM.' eTale ke AsapAsanA dareka gAme ghara jevo eka mitra avazya karavo, jethI jyAM jaie tyAM tAtkAlika badhI suvidhA maLI rahe, ApaNo mitra-varga vadhe, dareka kAryomAM saraLatA rahe. (9) mAThI dazA Ave to gaMgA-yamunAnI vacce khodavuM.' tuM to AvI zikhAmaNathI gaMgA-jamanA pAse pahoMcI gayo ane khodavA maMDI Atma kathAo * 282 paDyo. jarA to vicAra kara. ATalA vizALa pradezamAM kyAM khodavuM ? ane eno aMta paNa kyAre Ave ? eno kharo artha e che ke tArI pAse je gaMgA ane jamanA nAmanI gAyo che te gAyonI be gamANo vacce khodavAnuM che. tyAM tArA pitAe aDhaLaka dhana dATyuM haze ? (10) pratyeka kSetre dhana vAvavuM.' tuM to khetaromAM rUpiyA vAvavA pahoMcI gayo ane pAcho rUpiyAnA jhADanI vATa jovA lAgyo. gAMDA ! kaMika to samaja. rUpiyAnA te kAMi jhADa UgatA haze ? 'sAta dharmakSetromAM dhana vAparavuM.' A teno kharo artha che. dharmakSetromAM vAveluM-vApareluM dhana aneka gaNuM puNyarUpe ApaNane ja bhavAMtaramAM maLe che. samajyo ? meM upasaMhAra karatAM kahyuM : tArA pitAe jANI joine AvI rahasyamaya zikhAmaNo lakhI che. jethI tuM ene kadI paNa bhUlI zake nahi. sIdhI-sAdI vAta tarapha mANasa lakSya Apato nathI, e tarata ja bhUlI jAya che. paNa je vAta samajavAmAM mANasane takalIpha paDe che, aneka musIbatono sAmano karavo paDe che, e vAta te kadI bhUlI zakato nathI. beTA ! mane have vizvAsa che ke tuM 10mAMthI eka paNa zikhAmaNa jiMdagI paryaMta bhUlI zakIza nahi. kharUMne ? kharI vAta che kAkA ! have kAMi bhUlAya ke ? Apano upakAra huM jiMdagIbhara nahi bhUlI zakuM. rahasyo samajAvavA badala Apano khUba khUba AbhAra." ema bolIne mArA caraNomAM praNAma karIne e bhoLo yuvAna cAlato thayo. huM kyAMya sudhI enI pada-dhvani sAMbhaLato rahyo. e pada dhvanimAM enA pitAnI sonerI zikhAmaNono raNakAra mane saMbhaLAi rahyo hato. "Aje tame bahu sa-rasa anubhava kahyo. A zikhAmaNo to maneya kAma lAge tevI che." somadatta zeThanA mitra bolI UThyA. (AdhAra : upadezaprAsAda vyA. 126) parakAya - praveza - 283

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- (41) huM zAradAnaMdana jJAnavAnuM na banavuM. guNo prAraMbhamAM ApattirUpa lAge che. paNa samaya jatAM enI jIta ja thAya che. mArA para kevI musIbata AvI paDI te sAMbhaLo. amArA rAjA naMdane rANI bhAnumatI para ghaNo ja prema ! eTalo badho prema ke darabAramAM paNa siMhAsana para joDe ja besADe ! maMtrIone A gamyuM nahi. eka vakhate temaNe salAha ApI : rAjana ! rANInuM sthAna aMtaHpuramAM ja ucita che. roja sabhAmAM lAvo te sAruM nahi. nItizAstra kahe che ke rAjA, agni, guru ane strIne bahu dUra ke bahu najIka nahi rAkhavA. bahu najIka rAkhIe to hAni thAya che. bahu dUra rAkhIe to kAMi phaLa maLe nahi. rAjAne maMtrIonI A salAha gaLe UtarI gai ane darabAramAM rANInA sthAne rANInuM citra mUkavAnuM nakkI thayuM. eka zreSTha citrakAra pAsethI rANInuM citra taiyAra karAvavAmAM AvyuM. eka vakhate rAjAe mane e citra batAvIne pUchyuM : A citra paMDitono DAyaro jAmyo hato. alaka malakanI vAto cAlatI hatI. vAto eTale sAmAnya koTinI nahi, paMDitone zobhe tevI ja hatI. sau potAnA pAMDityanI / vAdamAM vijayanA anubhavonI vAta kahI rahyA hatA. tyAM koi paMDite mamaro mUkyo : paMDitAithI phAyado thayo - evI vAto to ApaNe ghaNI sAMbhaLI, paNa paMDitAithI geraphAyado thayo hoya, evo koi potAno anubhava kaheze ? maMDaLImAM sannATo chavAI gayo. paMDitAithI geraphAyado ? paMDitAithI apamAna ? hoya nahi. kadAca koine kAMi apamAna thayuM hoya to e thoDo kaheze ? nItizAstro kahe che ke - potAnI sAthe thayelI ThagAI ke apamAna koine kahevA na joie. vaMzane cApamAnaM taman na prakAzayet / kSaNabhara paMDita parSadamAM mauna chavAi gayuM. thoDI ja vAramAM e maunane toDatAM zAradAnaMdana nAmanA paMDita bolyA : "paMDitAithI saMkaTa paNa AvI zake che - evo mAro svAnubhUta prasaMga kahuM ?' - badhA talapApaDa thai UThyA. zAradAnaMdana paMDita koi sAmAnya paMDita hotA, kharekhara e zAradA-sarasvatInA naMdana-putra ja hatA. badhA ene mUchALI sarasvatI tarIke jANatA. vaLI e vizAkhA nagarInA naMda rAjAnA rAjaguru hatA. eTale emanI vAta sAMbhaLavA sau cokannA banI UThyA. zAradAnaMdane kahyuM : ghaNIvAra guNo paNa Apatti mATe banI jatA hoya che. phUlone pIsAvuM paDe che. caMdanane ghasAvuM paDe che. sonAne AgamAM paDavuM paDe che. agarabattIne baLavuM paDe che. Ama zA mATe ? emanI pAse koi guNo che mATe ne ? guNo Apatti mATe bane che teno artha e nathI ke guNavAnuM, Atma kathAo * 284 tame to jANo cho ke huM sarasvatIputra chuM. koNa paNa padArtha mArI sAme AvatAM enA viSe huM saMpUrNa kahI zakuM chuM. rANInA citrane jotAveta ja huM bolI UThyo : rAjan ! Ama to A citra barAbara che, paNa AmAM rANInA DAbA sAthaLa para tala nathI.' AvuM bolatAM to huM bolI gayo, paNa pariNAmano vicAra na karyo. mAruM A vAkya sAMbhaLatAM ja rAjAno cahero badalAi gayo. rAjAnuM mana mane spaSTapaNe vaMcAi rahyuM hatuM. enA mana-gaganamAM zaMkAnA vAdaLa dhasI AvyA hatA. paMDitane talanI khabara paDe kema ? cokkasa koi anaitika saMbaMdha che. mane mArI para AvanArI ApattinA eMdhANa AvI gayA, paNa have zuM thAya ? bolelA zabdo ne chuTeluM tIra pAchA to vaLe nahi. bIjA ja divase mAre ghera maMtrI AvyA ane kahyuM : "paMDitajI ! parakAya - praveza * 285

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rAjAno tamArA vadha mATe hukama che. rAjA eTalI ugratAmAM hatA ke huM vadhu kAMi pUchI zakyo nahi, paNa mane lAge che ke AmAM rAjAnI utAvaLa che. utAvaLe karelA nirNayo kadI kalyANakArI banI zakatA nathI. rAjAne cokkasa kyAreka pastAvuM paDaze. to tamArA jevA paMDitaratnano huM vadha nahi thavA dauM ! tame mArA bhoMyarAmAM guptarUpe rahI jAva. avasara Avaze tyAre sau sArA vAnA thaze. mane paMDitAi bhAre paDI. keTalAya mahInAo sudhI mAre bhoMyarAmAM chupAine rahevuM paDyuM. kyAre A guptavAsamAMthI chuTuM ? evI mArI satata jhaMkhanA hatI. mArI jhaMkhanAne sAkAra karavA ja jANe eka prasaMga upasthita thayo. eka divase maMtrIe AvIne mane kahyuM : zAradAnaMdana ! mane lAge che ke have tamArA guptavAsanA divaso pUrA thai gayA che. rAjA pAse atyAre evI ghaTanA banI che ke jeno ukela tamArA sivAya koi lAvI zakaze nahi. rAjAno putra vijayapALa zikAre gayelo. sAthIothI vikhUTo paDI jai kyAMka jai caDyo. rAjAe ghaNI tapAsa karAvI tyAre mahAmuzkelIe kumAra maLI Avyo, paNa te gAMDo thaI gayo hato. jaMgalamAM 'visemirA... visemirA... visemirA...' lavAro karato hato. nagaramAM AvyA pachI Aje paNa e lavAro cAlu che. rAjAe keTalAya vaido, hakImo, mAMtriko, tAMtriko ane bhUvAone bolAvyA che, paNa haju ThekANuM paDyuM nathI. AthI mane thayuM ke A ThekANuM tamArAthI ja paDaze. meM rAjAne kahyuM che ke mArI putrI A kumArane DAhyo karI Apaze, paNa te sabhAmAM nahi Ave, Ape kumArane laine mAre ghera padhAravuM paDaze. to mahArAjA hamaNAM ja ahIM Avaze, tamAre paDadAmAM rahIne strIno avAja kADhIne e putranI cikitsA karavAnI che. karazo ne ? guptavAsamAMthI chuTavAno sarasa moko Avyo che. meM tarata ja hA pADI. thoDI ja vAramAM rAjA kumArane laine AvI pahoMcyA. visemirA... Atma kathAo * 286 visemirA... visemirA... no bakavAsa karatA rAjakumArane meM paDadAnA kANAmAMthI joi lIdho. jotAM ja mane badhI vAta samajAi gai. vAta ema banelI ke jaMgalamAM rAtavAso karavA kumAra eka jhADa para caDelo. tyAM eka vyaMtara adhiSThita vAMdaro maLelo. vAMdarAe kahyuM : kumAra ! ciMtA karazo nahi. tame mArA khoLAmAM sUi jAva. huM tamArI rakSA karIza. pachI huM tamArA khoLAmAM sUi jaiza. tame mArI rakSA karajo. kumAra vAMdarAnA khoLAmAM majethI sUi gayo. tyAre mANasanI gaMdha AvavAthI nIce vAgha Avelo. vAghe kahyuM : vAnarabhAi ! tame A mANasane nIce pADI do. mane khUba ja bhUkha lAgI che. tame ane huM jaMgalavAsI dosta kahevAie. nagaravAsI mANasa sAthe ApaNe zuM levAdevA ? mANasajAta Ameya keTalI khataranAka che ? A mANasa jaMgalamAM Avyo che te ApaNane mAravA ja Avyo che ne ? AvA mANasane bacAvavAthI zo phAyado ? Akhare e vizvAsaghAta ja karavAno ! paNa vAMdaro ekano be na thayo. teNe eka ja vAta karI : khoLe sUtelA vizvAsu mANasano huM vizvAsaghAta na karI zake ! ema karuM to mAruM kuLa (?) lAje ! sAMbhaLyuM che ke mahAna vaphAdAra hanumAna amArA kuLamAM pedA thayelA. AvA kuLamAM janmIne jo huM vizvAsaghAta karuM to mArI khAnadAnI zI ? vAMdarAno deDha javAba sAMbhaLavA chatAM vAgha nirAza na thayo. e nIce ja Ubho rahyo. have vAMdarAne UMghavAno ane kumArane cokI karavAno vakhata Avyo tyAre vAghe kahyuM : alyA ! huM nIcethI vAgha bolI rahyo chuM. kAMi saMbhaLAya che ? bhalo thaIne tuM vAMdarAne nIce pheMkI de, bhUkhathI mAro jIva jAya che. Ameya vAnara jAtano bharoso zo ? "rAjA, vAjA ne vAMdarAnA bharosA karAya nahi.' e kahevata to te sAMbhaLI che ne ? vAMdaro kyAreka rAjI to kyAreka nArAja paNa thai jAya ! avyavasthita cittavALAnI prasannatA paNa khataranAka hoya che. vaLI kumAra ! eka vAta yAda rAkhaje ke jo tuM vAMdarAne nahi pheMke to huM tane khAi javAno ! vAMdaro to chalAMga mArIne parakAya - praveza * 287

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bIjA jhADa para pahoMcI jaze, paNa tAre to nIce ja UtaravuM paDaze ne? ane nIce utaratAM ja tAro jamarAja huM nIce Ubho chuM ! jaiza kyAM? hA... jo tuM vAMdarAne pheMkI daiza to tane jIvato javA daiza. vAghanI dalIlonI kumAra para dhArI asara thai. eNe tarata ja vAMdarAne dhakko mAryo. paNa A to vAMdaro ! e thoDo paDe ? eNe to tarata ja bIjI DALa pakaDI lIdhI ane bacI gayo, paNa te ekadama gusse bharAyo ane bolI uThyo : harAmakhora ! Avo vizvAsaghAta ? rAjakumAra thaine AvuM nIca kAma karatAM tAro jIva kema cAlyo ? vizvAsaghAta e moTAmAM moTuM pApa che. ne enAthI saraLatAthI chUTI zakAtuM nathI. le... leto jA... tArA pApanuM phaLa. visemirA ! eTaluM bolI vyaMtarAdhiSThita vAMdaro to bhAgI gayo, paNa visemirA ! eTaluM sAMbhaLatAM ja rAjakumAra gAMDo thai gayo. tyArathI mAMDIne basa 'visemirA" ja bolyA kare che. koi pUche : tAruM nAma zuM ? 'visemirA' jaMgalamAM tane zuM thayuM ? 'visemirA' tuM mane oLakhe che ? 'visemirA' AvI gAMDAi choDa ne DAhyo thA. 'visemirA' hajAra praznono eka ja javAba : visemirA. paNa visemirAno javAba koine AvaDato hoto. e mane AvaDato hato. rAjA manomana mane yAda karI rahyo hato. arere... meM nAhaka zAradAnaMdanane marAvI nAkhyo. jo e Aje hAjara hota to jarUra koI rasto kADhata ! paNa rAjAne kyAM khabara hatI ke e ja zAradAnaMdana Aje paDadAnI pAchaLa khoLe sUtela sAthIne, haNatAM zo parAkrama ?" mAro A zloka sAMbhaLatAM ja visemirA... visemirA... no satata bakavAsa karato kumAra acAnaka ja sAvadhAna thai gayo ane have te semirA... semirA... semirA... bolavA lAgyo. have tarata ja huM bIjo zloka bolyo : 'setu samudra jAo ke, jA saMgamatIrthamAM; brahmajJa pApathI chuTe, mitradrohI chUTe nahIM.' A sAMbhaLatAM ja "semirA'mAMthI "se' gayo ane have kumAra mirA... mirA... mirA.. bolavA lAgyo. badhA stabdha thaine joi rahyA. saune lAgyuM. kharekhara kumArane davA lAgu to paDI che. 50% sAruM thai gayuM to have paNa sAruM thai ja jaze. cAreya akSaro jatAM kumAra ekadama DAhyo thai jaze. have huM trIjo zloka bolyo : 'mitradrohI, kRtadanI ne, cora, vizvAsaghAtakI; A cAra narake jAya, yAvaccandradivAkarau.' have 'mi' jatAM kumAra 'rA... rA... karavA lAgyo. pachI huM cotho zloka bolyo : 'rAjanuM! kumAranuM jo tuM, kalyANa hoya cAhato; dAna Apa supAtromAM, dAnathI zuddhi thAya che." A sAMbhaLatAM "rA' paNa gayo ane kumAra ekadama svastha thai gayo. badhA lavArA choDI dIdhA. jaMgalamAM zuM banyuM? e badhI vAta kahI saMbhaLAvI. rAjAe kahyuM : he putrI ! paNa jaMgalanI vAtanI tane ahIM beThA kema khabara paDI ? tyAre meM kahyuM : deva-guru-kRpA dvArA, mArA jIbhe sarasvatI; tethI jANuM chuM he rAjanuM ! rANInuM jema jANyuM meM. A sAMbhaLatAM ja rAjAne khAtarI thai gai ke A maMtrInI putrI nahi, paNa "zAradAnaMdana' pote ja che. paDado haTAvIne e to mArA caraNe parakAya - praveza * 289 huM strInA avAjamAM bolyo : 'vizvasta mAnavIne zuM, ThagavAmAM vizeSatA ? Atma kathAo * 288

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- (daza) huM aMjanA sTa jhUkI paDyA ane bolI uThyA : sarasvatIputra ! mane mApha karo... mane mApha karo. meM ApanI vidvattA jANI nahi. ApanI jIbhamAM ja sarasvatI che, ema meM jANyuM nahi. rANInA talanI vAta parathI meM ApanA para khoTI zaMkA karI. e to sAruM thayuM ke maMtrInI koThAsUjhathI tame bacI gayA, nahi to huM jiMdagIbhara raDato raheta. rAjAnI AMkhomAMthI nIkaLI rahelA AMsu mArA paga para paDI rahyA hatA. meM kahyuM : rAjana ! meM to tamane kyAranIye mAphI ApI dIdhI che. paNa eTalI zIkha avazya ApIza ke utAvaLamAM kadI nirNaya karavA nahi. 'jhaTapaTakI dhAnI, AdhA tela AdhA pAnI." to A thai mArA anubhavanI vAta, paMDitAithI saMkaTa AvyuM ane paMDitAithI ja saMkaTa TaLyuM. sarasvatIputra zAradAnaMdananI vAta sAMbhaLI badhA paMDito stabdha thai gayA hatA. (AdhAra : upadezaprAsAda vyA. 130) sAMje pratikramaNa pachI eka bene eka sAdhvIjI pAse phariyAda karI : mahArAja ! huM bahu duHkhI chuM. sAsunI Taka-Taka Akho divasa cAlu che. pati taraphathI paNa prema maLato nathI. koI paNa vAta hoya to mane ja Toke. kyAreka ApaghAtanA vicAro paNa AvI jAya che. paNa putrano prema mane ema karatAM roke che. mahArAja ! sAce ja jiMdagIthI kaMTALI gai chuM. zuM karuM ? koi mArgadarzana Apazo ? - sAdhvIjIe kahyuM : bena ! tAruM duHkha sAMbhaLIne mAruM hRdaya dravI UDyuM che, paNa huM bIjuM zuM karuM ? tane sArA vicAro ApI sanmArge huM dorI zakuM. tArA jevA AtmAonI vAta sAMbhaLatAM kharekhara jJAnIonA vacana yAda AvI jAya che. temaNe kahyuM che ke saMsArano svabhAva ja duHkhamaya che. saMsAra kadI duHkha vinAno nathI hoto. kAraNa ke khArAza mIThAno svabhAva che. tema saMsArano svabhAva duHkhamayatA che. svabhAvane ApaNe kadI vastuthI dUra karI zakIe nahi. hA... ApaNe ApaNo abhigama jarUra badalAvI zakIe. duHkhamAM paNa sukhanI dRSTi keLavI zakIe. sAcuM kahuM to duHkha ApaNane ghaDe che, ApaNane zuddha kare che, prabhunI yAda apAve che ane bIjA jIvo pratye paNa hamadardI zIkhave che. mane to evuM lAge che ke AvuM kAMika zIkhavavA mATe ja duHkhanuM Agamana thAya che. mIThAi sAthe pharasANa jarUrI, rasapurI sAthe kArelAnuM zAka jarUrI to sukha sAthe duHkha jarUrI nahi ? enA vinA sukhano AsvAda paNa zo ? ekalA sukhathI to mANasa chakI jAya, bIjA jIvone to ThIka, prabhune paNa bhUlI jAya. eTale ja duHkha jarUrI che. nahi to bhagavAnane yAda kare ja koNa ? sukha mathe zilA paDo, prabhu hRdayase jAya; parakAya - praveza * 291 Atma kathAo * 290

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balihArI hai duHkhakI, pala pala nAma japAya. eTalA mATe ja koi saMte AvuM gAyuM haze ne ? duHkhane paNa upakArI gaNIne cAla. to kadAca tane navI jIvanadRSTi sAMpaDaze. jIvavAno AnaMda Avaze. ApaghAtanA vicAro jatA raheze. pelI bene kahyuM : mahArAja ! e badhI philasUphI sAMbhaLatAM ke kahetAM sArI lAge, paNa jIvanamAM jyAre kharekhara duHkha AvI paDe tyAre badhI samajaNanuM bASpIbhavana thai jAya. bAkI paropadeze paMDita to koNa nathI ? mArI pAse koi Ave to huM paNa ene DAhI-DAhI vAto karIne samajAvI dauM ! jenA para vIte tene khabara paDe. "ghAyala kI gata ghAyala jANe." bAkI bIjA to mAtra zabdonA sAthiyAthI rAjI kare eTaluM ja. zabdonA kaDhI bhAtathI koinA peTa bharAyA che kadI ? sAdhvIjIe kahyuM : bena ! huM mAtra zAbdika vAta nathI kahetI. mArA para je vItyuM che, tenA AdhAre kahuM chuM, anubhavanI vAta kahuM chuM. tane to zuM duHkha che ? tArA karatAM kai gaNuM duHkha meM vekyuM che. tuM kadAca mAruM duHkha sAMbhaLIza to roma roma kaMpI UThaze. mArA jIvanamAM eTaluM duHkha AvyuM che ke mArA sthAne kadAca koi kAco poco hota to kyAreya ApaghAta karI leta. A huM abhimAnamAM nathI bolatI, je che te boluM chuM. duHkha ApaNA karmanA udayathI ja Ave che, duHkhamAM jIvana ghaDAya che, prabhu yAda Ave che - AvI samajaNathI ja duHkhanI jhaDIo vacce huM TakI rahI. sAMbhaLanAra bena stabdha banI gayA. kahyuM : "mahArAja ! Apa mane ApanI ApavItI kahezo ?' 'kema nahi ? jarUra kahIza. tArI pAse samaya hoya to besa... tane paNa AmAMthI cokkasa kAMika preraNA maLaze." sAdhvIjIe potAnI ApavItI kahevAnuM zarU karyuM : nAnapaNathI ja mArA evA manoratho hatA ke lagna karavA to koi evA uttama pAtra sAthe karavA ke jethI jIvana dhanya dhanya banI jAya. bAkI game tevA pAtra sAthe lagna karIne jIvana narakamaya banAvI devuM tenA karatAM to kuMvArA rahevuM vadhu sAruM ! mArA A manorathone pUravA mArA mAtApitAe tanatoDa prayatno karyA. aneka rAjakumAronA citro mArI pAse AvavA lAgyA. 'to zuM Apa rAjakumArI hatA? ApanuM nAma tathA mAtA-pitAnuM nAma to Ape kahyuM nahi." bene pUchyuM. hA... huM rAjakumArI hatI. mAruM nAma aMjanA ! vaitAdyaparvatanA rAjA aMjanaketu ane rANI aMjanavatI - e mArA mAtA-pitA. ghaNA rAjakumAronA citro mArI pAse AvyA, paNa mArI najara kyAMya TharatI hotI. citro jotAM ja mArI kAttadRSTi rUpa sivAya temanA guNo, sattva, zIla vagere paNa joi letI. huM mAtra rUpa tarasI nhotI. huM to jhaMkhatI'tI koi sattvazIla ane guNasaMpanna rAjakumArane. Akhare be rAja kumAronA citro para mArI AMkha TharI. meM baMne citro mArI pAse rAkhI lIdhA. bhaviSyadatta ane pavanaMjya nAmanA A be rAjakumAromAMthI pavanaMjya para pasaMdagI UtarI. maMtrIonA kahevA pramANe bhaviSyadatta uttama pAtra hato, paNa jJAnIonA kathana pramANe tenuM AyuSya alpa hatuM. AthI pavanaMjayakumAra mArA bhAvi pati tarIke pasaMdagI pAmyA. zubha muhUrte amArAM lagna thayA. basa... lagna thatAM ja mArA para duHkhonI jhaDI varasI. huM to aneka sapanAo AMkhamAM AMjIne pati sAthe jIvana-mArge cAlI nIkaLI hatI. paNa lagna thatAM ja mArA svaprono bhAMgIne bhUkko thaI gayo. svapronA AkAzamAM UDatI sIdhI huM dharatI para sarakI paDI. lagnanI prathama rAtre ja mArA pati mArI pAse AvyA to nahi, paNa mane bolAvIye nahi. huM kAraNa zodhavA lAgI, paNa keTalIye mathAmaNa pachI paNa mane koi kAraNa maLyuM nahi. Akho divasa huM udAsa-gamagIna rahevA lAgI. mArA badhA ja manorathonA mInArAo bhAMgI paDyA. mAruM duHkha huM na kahI zakuM na sahI zakuM. kahuM to kone kahuM ? sAMbhaLe koNa ? Ama ne Ama mArA bAra varSa pUrA thai gayA. parakAya - praveza * 293 Atma kathAo * 292

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eka vakhate mane samAcAra maLyA ke mArA patideva yuddha mATe jai rahyA che. varuNa sAthe yuddha karI rahelA rAvaNane madada karavA jai rahyA che. yuddhamAM to zuM bharoso ? yuddhamAM gayelo pAcho ghera hemakhema phare to phare ! huM prayANa karatA patidevanA caraNomAM jhUkI paDI, paNa mane dhakko mArI, mArI sAmuM joyA vinA patideva to nIkaLI gayA. mAruM hRdaya cUra cUra thai rahyuM. ghaDIbhara mane thai gayuM : huM hamaNAM ja marI jaiza! paNa huM na marI. huM kema maratI nathI ? mAruM hRdaya haju kema dhabake che ? enuM mane paNa Azcarya thatuM. mAtA-pitA, kuTuMbIo, sakhIo, vahAlI janmabhUmi Adi choDIne strI eka mAtra patinA premanA kAraNe sAsare Ave che. tyAM AvyA pachI paNa pati prema na maLe to enI hAlata zuM thAya ? e to anubhave te ja jANe ! paNa mArA AzcaryanI vacce te ja rAtre mArA patideva mArI pAse AvI pahoMcyA ane mane premathI bolAvI. mArA roma-romamAM AnaMdano abhiSeka thai rahyo, huM jANe amRtanA kuMDamAM nahAvA lAgI. meM pUchyuM : ATalA varSo sudhI mane bolAvI paNa nahi ne Aje acAnaka sneha kyAMthI UbharAi gayo ? mArA patideve nikhAlasatAthI kahyuM : tArA para mAro gusso lagna pahelAMthI ja hato. jo ke ApaNuM vevizALa thayuM tyAre to mane tArA para khUba ja prema hato. tArA guNo, tAruM rUpa jovA tArA AvAsamAM Avyo hato. te vakhate tuM tArI sakhIo joDe vAto karI rahI hatI. e vAtomAM meM je mArA viSe tArA zabdo sAMbhaLyA tethI huM roma-romamAM saLagI UThyo. tArI sakhI bolI rahI hatI : tane pasaMda paDelA be citromAMthI Ama to bhaviSyadatta uttama pAtra hato, paNa te alpa vayamAM ja mokSe janAra hoi maMtrI-rAjA vageree pavanaMjyane pasaMda karyo. AnA javAbamAM te kaheluM : jIvana alpa hoya toya vAMdho nahi, paNa te uttama hovuM joie. thoDuM paNa amRta kevuM prabhAvazALI hoya che ? lAMbuM paNa kharAba jIvana hoya to zA kAmanuM ? hajAro maNa jherano koI artha kharo ?' tArA A Atma kathAo * 294 zabdoe mArA hRdayamAM Aga lagADI dIdhI. te vakhate mAro gusso AsamAne pahoMcI gayo hato. te vakhate jo mArA mitra RSabhadatte mane aTakAvyo na hota to huM tane tyAM ne tyAM khatama ja karI nAkhata. pachI to tArI sAthe lagna karavAnI mArI jarAya icchA nahotI, paNa mAtA-pitAnA AgrahathI mAre paraNavuM paDyuM. tArA zabdo mArA hRdayamAM eTalA UMDA UtarI gayA hatA ke tyAra pachI mane kadI tArA para prema jAgyo nahi. Aje - atyAre mane samajAya che ke meM tArA zabdone khoTI rIte pakaDI lIdhA hatA. tuM to sahajabhAve bolI rahI hatI ane meM ene bahu moTuM rUpa ApI dIdhuM. 'paNa Aje ekAeka prema kema UbharAyo ?' pUchyuM. 'vAta ema banI ke Aje amArA yuddhano paDAva sarovaranI pAse hato. tyAMnuM vAtAvaraNa ekadama manohara hatuM. maMda maMda ThaMDo pavana ! sarovaramAM lAla kamaLo ! Ama-tema taratA haMso ! kinArA para ramatAM cakravAka paMkhIo ! A badhuM jotAM ja rahIe eTaluM badhuM bhavya hatuM. sAMje aMdhAruM thatAM ja cakravAkIo bhayaMkara rIte rudana karavA lAgI. pAMkho phaphaDAvatI, unmAda karatI, nirAzAthI kamaLanA tAMtaNAne kheMcatI cakravAkIone joi meM mitrane pUchyuM : A pakSiNIo Ama kema kare che? mitre kahyuM : dosta ! patino viraha thatAM teo vyAkuLa thai gai. che. aMdhArAmAM pati nahi dekhAtAM poke-poke raDI rahI che. AkhI rAta taDapI-taDapIne raDyA ja karaze, raDyA ja karaze. raDI-2DIne mRtaprAya banI jaze. savAre ajavALAmAM patine jotAM navuM jIvana pAmIne jANe AnaMdathI jhUmI UThaze.' A sAMbhaLatAM ja mArA manamAM vicAronI vIjaLI jhabUkI : arere... eka rAta mAtranA viyogamAM paNa ATaluM kalpAMta A cakravAkIo kare che... to mArI aMjanAnuM kalpAMta kevuM haze ? bAra bAra varSa thayA meM tenI sAmuMye joyuM nathI. arere... huM kevo kaThora ? kevo ahaMkAra ? meM bAra varSamAM barAbara joyuM che ke teNIe kadI para puruSanI sAmuMye nathI joyuM. kadI mArA pratye dhikkAra bhAva paNa keLavyo nathI... chatAM e parakAya - praveza * 295

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guNonI meM kadI kadara karI nahi, dhikkAra ho mane ! nA... have mAre ene vadhu ne taDapAvavI joie. nahi to e kadAca marI jaze. Aje rAtre ja jAuM ane tene Azvasta karuM ! A vicAra thatAM ja huM mitra RSabhadatta sAthe AkAza mArge tArI pAse AvI pahoMcyo chuM. priye ! mArA aparAdhane mApha kara. meM kahyuM : priyatama ! aparAdha Apano nahi, mAro ja che. mArA ja karmanA udaye Apane mArA pratye aNagamo thayo. to Apane mAphI ApanAra huM koNa ? huM to ApanI dAsI chuM, kikarI chuM. Apa mArA svAmI cho. Apane mAphI mAMgavAnI hoya ? bena ! e rAtre mane prathamavAra patinuM sukha maLyuM. paNa tuM ema na mAnIza ke mArA jIvanamAM duHkhanI rAta gai ane sukhanI savAra UgI. kharekhara duHkho to have zarU thayA. vahelI savAre jyAre pati vidAya thavA lAgyA tyAre kahyuM : priyatama ! huM RtusnAtA chuM. AvatI kAle kadAca huM mAtA banuM to jagata mane kalaMka nahi Ape ne ? mAre duniyAne javAba zuM Apavo ? yuddhathI Apa kyAre padhArazo ? teno zo bharoso ? - patideve mane potAnI vIMTI kADhIne ApatAM kahyuM : mArA AgamananI A nizAnI tuM batAvaje. pachI kalaMkano koi savAla nahi rahe. patideva to jatA rahyA. A bAju huM kharekhara garbhavatI banI. mArI udara-vRddhi joi mArI sAsu tADUkI UThI : rAMDa ! A zuM dhaMdho mAMDyo che ? peTamAM konuM bALaka che ? meM sAcI vAta kahI, vIMTI paNa batAvI, paNa mArI sAsu na mAnI. e to vadhu ne vadhu Aropa lagAvavA mAMDI : nirlajja ! AvA kALA kAma karatAM zarama nathI AvatI ? atyAra sudhI huM ema mAnatI hatI ke mArA dIkarAno vAMka che, paNa Aje samajAyuM ke kono vAMka che ? tuM AvI kulaTA hoya to pavanaMjya zAnuM tArI sAme jue ? AvuM kALuM kAma karyA pachIye pAchuM satItvano dekhADo karavo ? vAha bhAI vAha ! pavanaMjaya ahIMyA hato tyAre tArI pAse hoto Avato te yuddhamAMthI Atma kathAo * 296 tane maLavA Ave ? jUThA bolI ! jUThuM bolavAnI paNa kAMi hada che ? tAruM huM to zuM koi sAcuM nahi mAne. pAchI tuM vIMTI batAve che ! zarama nathI AvatI ? vIMTI to pahelethI kabaje karIne rAkhI zakAya eTalI vAta zuM ame nahi samajatA hoie ? mArI sAme zuM joyA kare che ? jA... nIkaLI jA... mArA gharamAMthI. mane have tAruM moDhuM batAvIza nahi. kALamukhI !' sAsunA eka-eka zabda mArA kALajAne vIMdhatA hatA. atyAra sudhI to mAtra pati taraphathI upekSAnuM ja duHkha hatuM, paNa mArA satItva para koie kalaMka hotuM ApyuM. have kalaMka AvyuM. upekSA karatAM kalaMkanuM duHkha mane bhayaMkara lAgyuM. paNa zuM karuM ? vIMTI e mAro chello javAba hato. paNa koi mArI vAta sAcI mAnavA taiyAra hotA. huM mArI priya sakhI vasaMtatilakA sAthe sAsarethI nIkaLI piyara gai. paNa kalaMkitAne piyaramAM paNa kyAMthI sthAna maLe ? huM bahu moTI AzAthI mArA mAtA-pitA pAse gai. meM mAnyuM : mArA mA-bApane huM sAcI vAta samajAvI sukhethI rahIza. paNa ApaNuM dhAryuM thoDuM thAya ? mArA mA-bApa pAse mArI kalaMkitatAnA pahelethI samAcAra pahoMcI cUkyA hatA. mane jotAM ja teo bolI UThyA : aMjanA ! ahIM paga nahi mUkatI. te kharekhara tAruM nAma sArthaka karyuM che, aMjana jevA kALA kAma karIne ! pheTa re.. bhUMDI... tArA karatAM peTe paththaro pedA thayo hota to paNa sAruM hatuM ! kama se kama amAruM kula to kalaMkita na thAta. paththaro to kapaDAM dhovA kAma lAge, vastronA mela UtAre, melAM kapaDAMne ujaLA kare, jyAre putrI thaine te nirmaLa kuLane malina karyuM. sAta-sAta peDhInI amArI AbarU teM pANImAM nAkhI dIdhI. tuM dIkarI nahi, paNa ThIkarI che ! sAce sAca Aje ThIkarIe amAro kIrti-kuMbha phoDI nAkhyo. kIrtinuM badhuM amRta DhoLAI gayuM. tuM ema na samajatI ke putrInA nAte ame tane gharamAM rAkhazuM. gharamAM to zuM rAkhIe... tAruM moDhuM jovA paNa ame taiyAra nathI. jA... atyAre ne atyAre ahIMthI cAlI jA. tAre javuM hoya tyAM jaje. have ahIM AvatI nahi. parakAya - praveza * 297

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ja thAya. jaMgala maMgalarUpa banI jAya. beTA ! khUba ja parAkramI, vaphAdAra ane sattvazIla banaje. jIvanamAM kadI hiMmata hArato nahi." mRga bALanI jema ekadama kudaratI rIte bALakano uchera thavA lAgyo. AbhamAMthI paTakAyelAne dharatI Azraya Ape. paNa ahIM to dharatIe paNa Azraya ApavAnI nA pADI dIdhI hatI. sAsarethI trAselI dIkarI mA-bApa pAse jAya... bIje kyAM jAya ? mA ja evI vyakti che je saMtAnane vAtsalyathI navaDAvI de. enA gunAo mApha karIne paNa sanmArge caDAve. "mA te mA bIjA badhA vagaDAnA vA' 'mIThA madhu ne mIThA mehulA re lola... tethI mIThI te morI mAta re jananI joDa sakhI nahi maLe re lola." "bhagavAna badhe nathI pahoMcI zakato eTale eNe mAtAnuM sarjana karyuM che.' mAtA viSe AvI keTalIye uktio kavioe kahI che... paNa mArA mATe to jANe badhI uktio khoTI paDI. 'putro nAsthata vidhi mAtA na mavati' 'putra kuputra thAya,paNa mAtA kumAtA kadI na thAya." mAtAnA mahimAne pragaTa karatI AvI keTalIye uktio yAda AvatI gaI, paNa zA kAmanI ? mArI mA AvI uktio pramANe cAlavA thoDI baMdhAyelI hatI ? bena ! have tuM ja vicArI le. mArA duHkhanI pAse tAruM duHkha keTaluM gaNAya ? AvA duHkhanA himAlayo tUTI paDyA to paNa meM mAruM sattva nathI khoyuM. mArI dharmazraddhA nathI khoi. dharmazraddhA e ja mArI moTI mUDI hatI. sAsariyAthI hAMkI kaDhAyelI, piyariyAthI haDadhUta thayelI huM sukhI sAthe jaMgala tarapha cAlI nIkaLI. hA... have jaMgala e ja mAro AdhAra hato. bIje kyAM jAuM? kyAM rahuM? kadAca koi nagaramAM rahuM to duSTa mANaso lAcArIno lAbha uThAve. sajjana mANaso to kalaMkitAthI dUra rahevAmAM ja sAra samaje ane sAmAnya mANaso kazuM karI zake nahi. AthI mArA mATe jaMgala ja bhaluM hatuM. sakhI sAthe huM jaMgalamAM gai. pUrNa samaye bALakano janma thayo. meM apAra cUmIo sAthe bALakane premathI navaDAvI dIdho. mAruM mana bolatuM hatuM : beTA ! tAro janma Aje jaMgalamAM thayo che. jo rAjamahelamAM thayo hota to koi judA prakArano ja utsava cAlu hota. paNa kAMi vAMdho nahi. beTA ! moTo thaIne tuM evo banaje ke tArA pagale-pagale utsavo Atma kathAo * 298 eka guphAmAM zAMtinAtha bhagavAnanI pratimA banAvI ene huM pUjavA lAgI. jaMgalamAM zAMtithI rahevA lAgI. eka vakhate jaMgalamAM padhArelA koi muni pAsethI mane jANavA maLyuM ke pUrvabhavamAM karelA mArA pApanA kAraNe mArA jIvanamAM duHkha AvyuM che. pUrva bhavamAM meM mArI patnIne ghaNI herAna karelI. e bicArI bhalI bAi hatI. haMmezAM bhagavAnanI pUjA karatI, paNa huM ene dhUtArI kahetI. kAma karatAM jora paDe che eTale dharama karavA beThI che - ema huM vicAratI. mANasa potAnI yogyatA pramANe ja bIjA viSe abhiprAya ApI zake. eka vakhata meM irSAthI bhagavAnanI mUrtine ukaraDAmAM saMtADI dIdhI. te bicArI bhagavAna vinA AkuLa-vyAkuLa thai gai, anna-jaLa choDI dIdhuM. mAtra bAra muhUrtamAM enI dayanIya hAlata joi mane dayA AvI gai. meM zodhavAno DoLa karI e mUrti ApI. e pApanA udaye mane 12 varSano patino viyoga thayo. muni jyAre mAro pUrvabhava kahetA hatA te ja vakhate AkAzamAM jatuM eka vidyAdharanuM vimAna aTakI paDyuM. vidyAre nIce joyuM to muni hatA. e vidyAdhara mArA sagA mAmA sUryaketu hatA. teo amane traNeyane lai AkAza mArge cAlyA. mAruM nAnakaDuM bALaka mArA khoLAmAM hatuM. enI aMdara zaktino mahAsAgara ghUghavato hato. enI caMcaLatA ane enA tophAnomAM e spaSTa dekhAtuM hatuM. Ama tema te kUdakA mAratuM hatuM. vimAna uparanA bAMdhelA suMdara jhummarane levA vAraMvAra chalAMga mAratuM bALaka acAnaka ja vimAnamAMthI nIce paDyuM. mArA moDhAmAMthI UMDI cIsa nIkaLI gai. arere... nasIba ! te mArI pAsethI bALaka paNa jhUMTavI lIdhuM? mAruM hRdaya parakAya - praveza * 299

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valovAi rahyuM hatuM. mAmAe tarata ja vimAna aTakAvyuM. bALaka jyAM paDyuM hatuM tyAM tapAsa karI to Azcaryano pAra na rahyo. kAraNa ke bALaka je TekarA para paDyuM hatuM teno bhAMgIne bhUkko thai gayo hato ane bALaka khaDakhaDATa hasatuM hatuM. mArA mAmAe bUma pADI : are bhANI ! have zANI thA ! le A tAro bALaka ! jo kyAMya ijA thai che ? enuM baLa to tuM jo. Tekaro tUTI gayo, paNa bALaka akhaMDa che. atyAre paNa ATalI zakti che to moTo thaine e kevo zaktizALI thaze? enI jarA kalpanA to kara. meM mArA lAlane hAthamAM lai lIdho ane apAra cUmIothI navaDAvI dIdho. have ame sUryapuramAM mAmAne tyAM sukhapUrvaka rahevA lAgyAM. jaMgalamAM padhArelA jJAnI munie kahyuM ja hatuM ke have thoDA ja samayamAM duHkhanI rAta vItI jaze ane sukhanuM prabhAta pragaTaze. mArA hRdayanI khuzI kahI rahI hatI ke have najIkanA samayamAM patinuM milana thaze. ane sAce ja eka divase meM sabhAmAM eka AgaMtukane joyo. jotAM ja mane yAda AvyuM : are, A to mArA patino mitra lAge che, RSabhadatta ! RSabhadatta tarata ja mane oLakhI gayo. e mArI tapAsa karavA ja Avyo hato. eNe mArA sAMbhaLatAM mArA mAmA rAjA sUryaketune kahyuM : rAjanuM! ame yuddha patAvIne ghera AvyA. pavanaMjya aMjanA viSe pUchyuM tyAre tenI mAtAe kahyuM : beTA ! e kulaTAne to meM kADhI mUkI. e kADhavA jevI ja hatI. A sAMbhaLatAM ja pavanaMjyane jabaradasta AMcako lAgyo, ene jIvatara khAruM jhera lAgyuM. e to jIvato saLagIne marI javA ja taiyAra thai gayo. meM ghaNI muzkelIe rokyo che ane kahyuM che : tuM traNa divasa vATa jo. traNa divasamAM jo aMjanA na maLe to tArI marajI pramANe karaje. - tyAra pachI huM aMjanAnI tapAsa karavA nIkaLyo. pharato-pharato ahIM sUryapuranA upavanamAM Avyo tyAre strIonI mukhethI sAMbhaLyuM : "ahIM rAjAnI bhANejI aMjanA AvI che. teno nAnakaDo chokaro zuM tejasvI Atma kathAo * 300 che ! surya paNa jhAMkho lAge !' AvuM sAMbhaLatAM mane thayuM : aMjanA ahIM ja hovI joie. huM aMjanAne levA ja Avyo chuM. mArI sanmukha joi RSabhadatte kahyuM : aMjanA bhAbhI ! cAlo prahAnapuramAM ! ApanA vinA mAro mitra nahi jIve. Aje chello trIjo divasa che. Aje jo ApaNe tyAM na pahoMcyA to kAyama mATe hAtha dhoi nAkhavA paDaze. Apa pyArA patine gumAvazo ane huM prANapriya mitrane gumAvIza. sUryaketu rAjAnI anujJA lai huM putra ane sakhI sAthe cAlI nIkaLI. amAruM vimAna ghara2... karatuM pralAdanapuranA pAdare UtaryuM. mArA patideva baLI maravAnI taiyArI karatA hatA tyAM ja mane joine lokoe bUma pADI : aMjanA devI ! jaladI padhAro. pavanaMjyanA prANa khatarAmAM che. lokonI bUmo sAMbhaLatAM pavanaMjya ApaghAta karatA aTakI gayA. amArA baMnenuM milana thayuM. prIti dina-pratidina vadhavA lAgI. viyoga pachIno saMyoga atyaMta madhura hoya che. amArA putranuM nAma ame pADyuM : hanumAna ! kAraNa ke enI haju (haDapacI-dADhI) suMdara aNIyALI hatI. hanumAnanuM nAma to tame sAMbhaLyuM haze ? rAma-rAvaNanA yuddhamAM rAmanA vaphAdAra sevaka hanumAnanuM parAkrama tame na jANyuM hoya - evuM na banI zake. pachI to ame eka sAdhu bhagavaMtanI pAse vairAgyavAsita thai dIkSA lIdhI. Aje mArA pati pavanaMjya muni che ne huM aMjanA sAdhvI chuM. bola, have tuM ja kahe : mArA jeTalA duHkho tArA jIvanamAM AvyA che? nA... mahArAja ! nA... ApanuM jIvana sAMbhaLatAM to mAruM hRdaya kaMpI UThyuM. ApanA duHkhanA meru pAse mAruM duHkha to rAi jeTaluM paNa nathI. mahArAja ! Ape to kamAla karI. duHkhonI vacce Ape rAkhelI daDhatA duniyA mATe dIvAdAMDIrUpa banaze. ApanuM nirmala zIla vizva mATe preraNArUpa banaze. AryavartamAM thai janArI mahAsatIomAM agrIma haroLamAM ApanuM nAma Avaze. moTA moTA AcAryo paNa ApanI yazogAthA gAtA raheze. mahArAja ! ApanA jIvanamAMthI mane ghaNI ja parakAya - praveza * 301

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- (ja8) huM IlAcI puraka preraNA maLI. have mane mAruM duHkha kAMi ja nahi lAge. sAdhvIjI mahArAjane vaMdana karIne ghera jatI e benanA manamAM keTalAya divaso sudhI A jIvana guMjatuM rahyuM. duHkhane paNa upakArI gaNAvatA sAdhvIjInI pelI paMktio satata yAda AvatI rahI : sukha mathe zilA paDo, prabhu hRdaya se jAya; balihArI hai du:khakI, pala-pala nAma japAya. | (AdhAra : upadezaprAsAda vyA. 92) kahevAya che ke kIrtanathI jIvana badalAi jAya, paNa mArA jIvanamAM AnAthI UlaTuM banyuM, kIrtananuM zIrSAsana thai gayuM ! "kIrtana' ne ulTAvo : 'nartakI' thaze. hA... huM nartakInA darzane badalAi gayo, mArI khAnadAnIne bhUlI avaLe raste caDyo. prabhu-kIrtana karIne Atma-kalyANa karanArA ghaNA saMtone sAMbhaLyA haze. paNa nartakImAM pAgala banelA mArA jevA ghaNA ochAone sAMbhaLyA haze ! nartakIthI kIrtana tarapha huM kaI rIte vaLyo e paNa jANavA jevuM che. mArA elAvardhana gAmamAM AvelI naTa-maMDaLImAMnI eka nartakI mArI AMkhomAM evI vasI gai ke na pUcho vAta ! AMkhamAM kaNI pesI jAya to hajuye nIkaLI zake, paNa kanyA pesI jAya to nIkaLavI muzkela ! AMkhamAM kaNI pesatAM to mANasa baMdha AMkhe AMdhaLo banI jAya ! paNa kanyA pesatAM to ughADI AMkhe AMdhaLo thai jAya. potAnI khAnadAnI, pratiSThA vagere kAMi paNa ene na dekhAya. huM paNa chatI AMkhe AMdhaLo thai gayo hato. meM to daDha saMkalpa karI lIdho : 'paraNavuM to A kanyA ne ja ! AnA sivAyanI bIjI badhI ja strIo mArA mATe mA-bahena !' e nartakIne jotAM ja mArA hRdayanA tAra jhaNajhaNI UDyA. mane evuM lAgyuM ke Ane huM kyArathIye oLakhuM chuM, AnuM sarjana mArA mATe ja thayuM che ! jo A nathI to mArA mATe A vizvamAM bIjuM koi nathI. jo A che to badhuM ja che ! huM e kanyAmAM AkhA vizvanuM darzana karI rahyo hato. enA prathama darzane ja huM abhibhUta banI gayo hato ane jAta bhUlI gayo hato. je darzanamAM hRdaya bhaLe che, tyAMthI buddhi haTI jAya che. eTale ja ApaNe kahIe chIe ke "A premamAM paDyo !" premamAM paDavuM eTale magajamAMthI hRdayamAM paDavuM ! magajanI pAse tarka hoya che, kAraNa hoya che. hRdaya pAse parakAya - praveza * 303 Atma kathAo * 302

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tarka ke kAraNa kazuM ja nathI hotuM, mAtra prema hoya che. eTale ja premamAM koi kAraNa nathI hotuM. 'kAraNa' hoya che tyAM prema nathI hoto, mAtra svArtha hoya che. prema karavAthI thato nathI e thai jAya che. premIne koi pUche : "tuM zA mATe prema kare che ?' enI pAse eno koi javAba nahi hoya. 'zA mATe ? zo lAbha? kema ?" e badhI bhASA buddhinI che, hRdaya pAse AvI bhASA ja nathI. enI duniyA ja alaga che. mane paNa ghaNA pUchatA : 'AvI naTaDI pAchaLa zuM pAgala thayo che ? enA karatAM ghaNI suMdara bIjI ghaNI ja kanyAo che." paNa AvA praznono mArI pAse koI javAba nhoto. jemAM koI kAraNa nathI hotuM. evo ja prema sAco hoya che, janmAMtaranA RNAnubaMdhavALo hoya che. e naTaDI pAchaLa huM phanA thavA taiyAra thayo hato. pitAjIe mane ghaNuM samajAvyuM, paNa huM ekano be na thayo. mArA premanI kharI kasoTI tyAre ja thai jyAre naTaDInA pitAe sApha-sApha kahI dIdhuM : ame to naTa sivAya bIjA koine paNa amArI putrI paraNAvavAnA nathI." kSaNavAra to huM hataprabha banI gayo : zuM A nartakI mArA hAthamAM nahi Ave ? paNa bIjI ja kSaNe mAruM mana-gaganamAM vicAranI vIjaLI jhabUkI UThI: paNa huM naTa banI jAuM to ! bhale huM janmathI naTa nathI, paNa karmathI to na banI zake ne ? pachI to nartakI mane maLaze ne ? meM mArA vicAro pelA naTane jaNAvyA tyAre teNe ThaMDe kaleje kahI dIdhuM : tamArI ghaNI ja icchA hoya to AvI jAva amArI sAthe. paNa yAda rAkhajo tamAre nATya-kaLAmAM pravINa thavuM paDaze. gAmaDe-gAmaDe bhaTakavuM paDaze. TADha-taDakA ThaMDI-garamI vagerenA kaSTa sahavA paDaze. jIva saTosaTanA khela khelIne amArI kaLAmAM ekadama pAraMgata banavuM paDaze ane mahattvanI vAta... AvI kaLAthI jyAre tame koi kalAnA marmajJa rAjAne rIjhavazo ane e jo aDhaLaka dhana Apaze to ja ame A nartakI tamArI sAthe paraNAvIzuM. chelle eka mahattvanI vAta sAMbhaLI lo : vAMsa ke dorI para nAcatAMnAcatAM jo tame kyAMka gabaDI paDo ane tamArA hAtha paga bhAMgI jAya, Atma kathAo * 304 tame apaMga banI jAva to ame na paNa paraNAvIe. A badhA muddA para pUro vicAra karIne AvavuM hoya to Avajo." huM A badhI AkarI zarato pALavA taiyAra thai gayo ! AvuM karatAMkaratAM marI jaiza, phanA thai jaiza, paNa nartakIne lIdhA vinA nahi jaMpuM - mArA hRdayano deDha pokAra hato. nartakIne meLavatAM mRtyu Ave to maMjUra che, paNa nartakI vinAnuM jIvana maMjUra nathI - A mArA roma-romamAMthI phuTato avAja hato. bolo, mArAmAM ane dIvAnI jyotamAM baLI maravA taiyAra thai jatAM pataMgiyAmAM koi pharaka kharo ? sAce ja Aje huM naTaDInI prema-jyotimAM baLI maravA taiyAra thai gayo hato. mAro utsAha joi naTe paNa mane sAthe lai lIdho. jota-jotAmAM huM naTonI kaLAmAM kuzaLa thai gayo. jyAre tame koi vastunI ke koi vidyAnI prApti mATe tamArA saMpUrNa astittva sAthe macI paDo tyAre bhAgye ja enI prAptimAM saMdeha rahe. koi vastu na maLe to samajavuM haju ApaNe pUrI tAkAta lagAvIne kUdI paDyA nathI. varSo vItatAM huM ekadama kalA- niSNAta banyo. e niSNAtatA keLavavAmAM meM khUba ja sahana karyuM hatuM; TADha-taDako, bhUkha-tarasa, mAnaapamAna badhuM ja ! kalAnI siddhi, sAdhanA vinA maLatI nathI. paNa haju e siddhi para koi rAjAnI mahorachApa hotI lAgI. koi rAjAnI mahorachApa ane mahera khUba ja jarUrI hatA. e mATe ame koi kalAmarmajJa rAjAnI tapAsa karatA hatA. Akhare amArI najara bennAtaTanA rAjA para TharI. ene prasanna karavA meM bIDuM jhaDapyuM. rAjamahelanA vizALa prAMgaNamAM mAro khela zarU thayo. mANaso to kIDIyArInI jema UbharAyA hatA. rAjA svayaM jyAM prekSaka hoya tyAM prajA zAnI bAkI rahe ? Aje huM paNa utsAhamAM hato. pUrA dilathI huM mArI kaLA batAvavA lAgyo. mArI preyasI nIce Dhola vagADatI hatI ane huM vAMsaDA para bAMdhelI dorI para eka hAthamAM trizULa ane bIjA hAthamAM talavAra lai nAcI rahyo hato. eTalA jorazorathI nAcI rahyo hato ke jonArane ema ja lAge : e paDyo... hamaNAM paDyo.. paNa meM kaLA parakAya - praveza * 305

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para eTalI pakaDa jamAvI dIdhelI ke paDavAnuM bane ja nahi. jo ke jarAka sAvadhAnI cUchyuM to mArA soe varasa hamaNAM ja pUrA thai jAya tema hatA... paNa sAvadhAnI satata saMbhALI rAkhavI e ja sAdhanA che ne ? dorI paranA mArA abhuta nRtya joine loko ApharIna pukArI gayA. "vAha ! vAha ! adbhuta ! adbhuta !"nA avAjo tathA tALIonA gaDagaDATothI loko potAno harSa vyakta karI rahyA hatA. koi evo prekSaka hoto je tALIo pADato na hoya ! koi evuM mAthuM hotuM je AzcaryathI DolI rahyuM na hoya ! koI evI AMkho hotI je stabdha thaine jotI na hoya ! zuM bALaka ke zuM vRddha ? zuM yuvatI ke zuM vRddhA ? badhAnA haiyAM hele caDyAM hatAM. mAro diladhaDaka khela pUro karIne huM rAjA pAse Avyo. moTA inAmanI AzAe namaskAra karIne rAjA pAse Ubho rahyo... paNa re... rAjAnA ThaMDAgAra javAbe to mane jIvato ja mArI dIdho. "mAruM dhyAna tArA nAcamAM hatuM ja nahi. zI rIte tArI kaLAnI prazaMsA karI zakuM? pharIvAra tuM karI batAva." rAjAnA A bephIkarA javAbe mane evI to dAjha caDI gai ke be-cAra saMbhaLAvavAnuM mana thai gayuM. "jo tamAruM dhyAna nAcamAM nhotuM to kyAM hatuM? ahIM jovA AvyA cho ke UMghavA ? jo Ama ja hatuM to pahelethI kahevuM hatuM ne? lokonI ATalI badhI tALIo paDI chatAM tamAruM dhyAna nahi ? tame rAjA cho ke hajAma ? kalA marmajJa cho ke balA marmajJa ?" paNa AvuM huM kazuM saMbhaLAvavA mAMgato nhoto, AvelI takane gumAvavA mAMgato nhoto. game tema karIne rAjAne rIjhavIne nartakIne hastagata karavAmAM ja mane rasa hato. A mATe nArAjagInuM jhera mAre pIvuM ja paDe tema hatuM. aNagamAnI AchI paNa rekhA mukha para dekhADyA vagara, prasannatAnuM smita dekhADIne huM pUrA utsAha sAthe pharI vAMsaDA para caDyo. dhabAMga.. dhabAMga... dhabAMga... Dhola vAgI UThyA ane huM pharI nAcavA lAgyo, jIva saTosaTanA khelo karavA lAgyo. pharI zAbAza... zAbAza... nA avAjo lokomAM guMjavA lAgyA. Atma kathAo * 306 paNa oha! rAjA pAse huM gayo tyAre pharI e ja TADhoboLa javAba sAMbhaLavA maLyo. huM to Abho ja thai gayo. A rAjAne zuM kahevuM ? huM joi rahyo hato ke badhA ja loko inAma ApavA mATe taiyAra hatA, paNa rAjA pahela na kare tyAM sudhI koNa ApI zake ? rAjAnA kahevAthI pharI ekavAra huM vAMsaDA para caDyo. have to zarIra paNa thAkI gayuM hatuM. pahelAM jeTalI rti na hoya te paNa svAbhAvika che. chatAM hiMmata rAkhIne mana mUkIne huM nAcyo. maraNanA bhayane paNa meM Agho mUkI dIdho. 'kareMge yA mareMge'nI dhUna mArA para savAra hatI. "nartakI meLavavI yA to mota meLavavuM" no mAro daDha nirdhAra hato. pharI rAjA pAse Avyo, paNa aphasosa ! rAjAnuM hRdaya na pIgaLyuM te na ja pIgaLyuM. magazaila paththara pIgaLI jAya, paNa A hRdaya kadAca nahi pIgaLe. zuM mArI ATalA varSonI sAdhanA nakAmI jaze ? rAjA nahi rIjhe ? nartakI nahi maLe ? mAruM jIvatara eLe jaze ? - eka sAthe vicAronuM vAvAjhoDuM mArA manamAM dhasI AvyuM. paNa deDha dhIratAthI e badhA ja nabaLA vicArone haDaselIne huM pharI upara caDyo. zarIra ekadama thAkI gayeluM hovA chatAM huM mana mUkIne nAcavA lAgyo. nAcatAM-nAcatAM meM rAjA tarapha joyuM : rAjAnI najara kyAM che ? oha ! rAjA to mane jovAne badale mArI nartakIne joi rahyo che. enI AMkhamAM vikAranA sApoliyAM ramatAM dekhAyA ane tarata ja mArI vicAradhArA badalAi : lAge che ke A rAjA paNa mArI jema nartakInI pAchaLa pAgala banyo che. mane vAraMvAra e dorI para nAcavA eTale ja caDAve che. "huM uparathI gabaDI paDuM ane marI jAuM! nartakI sIdhI mArI pAse." evA rAjAnA vicAro jANatAM mane vAra na lAgI. jyAM rakSaka rAjA pote ja bhakSaka banato hoya tyAM bIjI AzA rAkhavI nakAmI ! tyAM ja mArI najara jarA dUra eka sthAna para paDI. eka rUpavatI yuvatI yuvAna jaina munine hAvabhAva sAthe vahorAvI rahI hatI. paNa e muni to prazAMtabhAve e yuvatInI sAmuM paNa joyA vinA vahorI rahyA hatA. muninA e prabaLa sattva ane deDha vairya sAme mane mArI jAta sAva parakAya - praveza * 307

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ja vAmaNI dekhAi ! arere ! kyAM e nirvikAra muni ! kyAM huM savikAra dhunI ? saMpUrNa ekAMta ane thanaganatuM yauvana hovA chatAM A muni kevA nirvikAra che? dhikkAra che mArI jAtane ! huM vAsanA pAchaLa pAgala banyo. nAta-jAta-kula-gAma vagere kazuM ja na jotAM A nartakInA rUpamAM pAgala banyo ! mAtA-pitAnI sevA karavAnA badale emanAthI dUra rahyo. nartakIne meLavavA AkAza-pAtALa eka karavA lAgyo. jANe nartakImAM ja AkhuM vizva AvI gayuM ! have A nartakInI pAchaLa rAjA paNa pAgala banyo che ! nartakIne ja khabara paDI gai ke rAjA mane cAhe che to e zuM rANI banavA taiyAra nahi thai jAya ? saMsArano prema e koi prema che? ekamAtra vaMcanA che vaMcanA ! strI-puruSa baMne ekabIjAne mAtra bhramaNAmAM ja nAkhIne jIvatA hoya che. jyAM adhika sattAvALo, adhika saMpattivALo ke adhika rUpavALo koi pAtra maLatAM ja premano pravAha badalAi javAnI bhIti hoya e koi prema che ? prema nahi, mAtra premano vahema che ! A prema to mAtra AbhAsI che. rUpa osaryuM ke prema gayo ! paisA gayA ke prema gayo ! bIjuM sAruM pAtra maLyuM ke prema gayo ! vaLI, prema-pAtra sAthe sadAkALa thoDuM sAthe rahI zakAya che ? bIjuM kAMi nahi to paNa mRtyuno bhaya che ja. mRtyunA eka ja jhATake baMne premI paMkhIDA taddana chuTA paDI jAya che, baMne vacce seMkaDo jojananuM AMtaruM paDI jAya che ! prema karavo hoya to paramAtmA sAthe karavo je kadI tUTe ja nahi. avinAzI sAtheno prema avinAzI bane che. vinAzI sAtheno prema vinAzI ja rahevAno ane mAruM mana avinAzI tattvanA ciMtanamAM sarakI paDyuM. huM ciMtanamAM eTalo UMDo UtarI paDyo ke ciMtana karanAruM mana ja adRzya thaI gayuM. huM mananI pele pAra pahoMcI gayo... dhyAnanI eTalI tIvratA hatI ke kSaNavAramAM ja badhA sImADAo oLaMgI gayo. mArAmAM AnaMdano niravadhi samudra UchaLavA lAgyo. huM koIka agocara vizvamAM jato houM tevuM mane lAgavA mAMDyuM. ne... kSaNavAramAM huM kevaLajJAnI banI gayo. saMpUrNa vizvanA traNeya kALanA bhAvo ekIsAthe mArI aMdara saMkrAMta thai UThyA. have huM evI avasthAmAM pahoMcI gayo hato ke jenuM zabdothI varNana karI zake nahi. sarvajJa hovA chatAM paNa nahi. A avasthA ja evI che, jenI mAtra anubhUti ja zakya che, abhivyakti nahi. je prApta karIne manuSya vikAsanA sarvocca zikhara para pahoMcI zake che, e zikhara para huM anAyAse ja ArUDha thai cUkyo hato. mAnava AtmavikAsanA mArge jaI vadhu ne vadhu meLavI zake, je maLyA pachI kazuM ja meLavavAnuM bAkI na hoya, te mane maLI cUkyuM hatuM. - yAda rahe ke tyAre mArI nAcavAnI kriyA cAlu ja hatI. jarUrI nathI ke tame padmAsana lagAvIne AMkho baMdha karIne beThA ho tyAre ja kevaLajJAna thAya. kUragarRmuninI jema khAtA-khAtAM paNa thai zake, gautamasvAmInI jema vilApa karatAM-karatAM paNa thai zake, aSADhAbhUtinI jema nATaka karatAMkaratAM paNa thai zake. pUrvabhavanA prabaLa saMskAro A rIte acAnaka paNa jAgRta thai zake ane tame koi paNa kriyA karatAM-karatAM zukladhyAnamAM praveza karI zako ane nUtana sRSTimAM avataraNa karI zako. mane kevaLajJAna utpanna thatAM ja devo mArI bhakti karavA doDI AvyA. eka AtmA jyAre potAnA kendra para saMpUrNa sthira bane tyAre devonI duniyAmAM paNa khaLabhaLATa macI jAya, bhakti karavA devalokathI teo ahIM doDI Ave, A vizvano sAmAnya niyama che. mArA kevaLajJAnano mahimA karavA devo doDI AvyA. suvarNakamaLanI racanA karI. vAMsaDA parathI nIce UtarI huM dezanA ApavA lAgyo. loko to AbhA thaine joi ja rahyA hatA : acAnaka ja A zuM thai gayuM ? kyAM nAcanAro ilAcIputra ne kyAM upadezaka ilAcIputra ? A to gajabano camatkAra ! AkhI nRtya-sabhA kSaNavAramAM dezanA-sabhAmAM palaTAi gai. meM IcchAonI bhayaMkaratA ane saMsAranA nRtya para dezanA ApI. loko cokannA thai mArI dezanA sAMbhaLI rahyA. rAjAe naTaDI pratyenA anurAganuM kAraNa pUchatAM meM kahyuM : "ame trIjA bhavamAM pati-patnI hatA. ame baMnee vairAgyavAsita thai dIkSA to lIdhI, paNa jAtimada na mUkyo. "ame UMcA chIe." evI amArI parakAya - praveza * 309 Atma kathAo * 308

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mAnyatA jIvana paryaMta rahI. AnA kAraNe uttama kuLamAM janma levA chatAM mAre naTa banIne nAcavuM paDyuM ane patnIne nIcakuLamAM naTaDIno avatAra maLyo. pUrvajanmanA saMskAranA kAraNe mane A janmamAM naTIne jotAM ja tIvra anurAga pedA thayo. ene meLavavA meM mAtA-pitA ane gAma sudhdhAMno tyAga karyo... pachI to tame jANo ja cho ke zuM thayuM ? huM joI rahyo hato ke mArI vAta sAMbhaLatAM-sAMbhaLatAM saunA hRdayamAM parivartana AvI rahyuM hatuM. sau prathama to nartakIne ja jAtismaraNa jJAna thayuM ne e vicAramAM caDI : mArA rUpanA kAraNe A zrImaMta ilAcIputranI kevI hAlata thai ? dhikkAra ho AvA rUpane jyAM koi pataMgIyuM banIne baLI mare. rAjA paNa mArI pAchaLa pAgala banyo. kharekhara mArA rUpe koinuM bhaluM na karyuM, bhUMDuM ja karyuM !" AvI vairAgyadhArAmAM AgaLa vadhatAM e kevaLI banI. rAjarANIe vicAryuM : "uttamakuLanI huM rANI hAjara hovA chatAM rAjA hIna kuLanI naTaDImAM pAgala banyA ? dhikkAra ho vAsanAne !" AvI vicAradhArAnI sIDI para paga mUkatAM mahArANI paNa kevaLajJAnanA bhavanamAM pahoMcI gayA. rAjAe vicAryuM : "huM kevo hIna ? uttamakuLanI rANI pAse hovA chatAM huM hIna kuLanI naTaDImAM mohAyo ! ilAcIputra marI jAya to sAruM - AvI vicArasaraNIe caDyo ! dhikkAra ho mane." AvI vicAra-dhArAnI nAvaDImAM besI rAjA paNa sAme kinAre rahelA kevaLajJAnanA nagare pahoMcI gayA. A dRzya joi loko camatkRta thai gayA ane paraspara kahevA lAgyA : nRtya maLo to AvuM maLajo, jethI saMsAranuM saMpUrNa nRtya khatama thai jAya ! vAta paNa sAcI che ne ? haju ardho kalAka pahelAM huM nartakInI pAchaLa pAgala hato... pachI sAdhu-kIrtana bhaNI vaLyo ne karma-kartana karI atyAre kevaLajJAnI banyo. have, A ja bhavanuM nahi, mAruM bhavobhavanuM nRtya samApta thai gayuM hatuM. saa Atma kathAo * 310 (44) huM nUpurapaMDitA "strIonuM caritra manuSya to zuM deva paNa jANI zakato nathI." e vAta tame sAMbhaLI to ghaNIvAra haze, paNa vizvAsa beTho ? bharoso thayo ? bharoso na hoya to mAruM jIvana jANI lo. eka vakhate huM taLAvanA kinAre snAna karI rahI hatI ane eka raMgIlo, mojIlo, phuTaDo yuvAna mArI najare caDyo. amArI AMkho paraspara maLI ane AMkhanA daravAjethI amAro prema eka-bIjAnA hRdaya sudhI pahoMcI gayo. amArA hRdayanA tAra jhaNajhaNI UThyA. pelo yuvAna mArI pAse AvI bolavA lAgyo : A nadI ane A vRkSo pUche che ke snAna karavAmAM AnaMda Avyo ? A bolanAra paNa pUche che ke tenI mana-kAmanA pUrNa thaze ?' "nadInuM kalyANa thAva ane vRkSonuM paNa kalyANa thAva. pUchanAranI kAmanA paNa pUrNa thAva.' meM paNa mArA hRdayanI vAta eTalI ja cAlAkIthI jaNAvI dIdhI. haju e vadhu khulAsApUrvaka kaMika pUchavA mAMgato hato, paNa taLAva-kinAre eTalI vasati hatI ke vadhu kAMi pUchAya tema hatuM ja nahi. e bicAro nirAza thai cAlyo gayo. paNa huM enA hRdayanA bhAvo vAMcI rahI hatI : game tema karIne paNa e mane maLavA prayatna karaze ja, maLaze ja. mArI dhAraNA sAcI paDI. eka divase eka tApasI mArA ghera AvI ane pelA yuvakanA mananI vAta kahI. paNa huM kyAM ochI mAyA hatI ? jo tApasInI pAse mArA mananI vAta kahuM to e to AkhA gAmamAM DhaMDhero pITe. strIonA peTamAM vAta to Take jo gadheDInA peTamAM khIra Take - e vAta huM sArI peThe samajatI hatI. jo gAmamAM kaMi paNa vAta phelAi jAya to mAre jIvavuM bhAre thai paDe, gharamAM rahevuM bhAre paDe, koine moDhuM batAvavuM bhAre thai jAya. meM nakkI karI lIdhuM H tApasIne gaMdha na AvavI joie ke A parakAya - praveza - 311

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strI pelAnA premamAM che ane mArA premIne AvavA mATeno divasa paNa jaNAvI devo joie - evo ja mAre upAya ajamAvavAno che. AvA avasare zuM karavuM ? kayo upAya ajamAvavo ? e aMge strIone samajAvavAnuM na hoya. e kaLAmAM to strIo vagara bhaNya pAraMgata hoya. AvA sthaLe puruSa hoya to bAghAnI jema vicAryA kare : have zuM karavuM? paNa strI to phaTAka... karatI potAnI kaLA ajamAvI de ane puruSa to moTuM phADIne joto ja rahe. meM to pelI tApasIne tagaDavA mAMDI : rAMDa ! tApasInA veSamAM AvAM kALA kAma karatAM zarama nathI AvatI ? mAruM kuLa bagADavA AvI che? AvA to kei laphaMgA mANaso pharatA hoya che... enA tuM kAma kare che? e paNa mArA jevI kulIna ane satI strI pAse ? zuM samaje che tArA manamAM ? huM satI nahi, mahAsatI chuM. sUraja pUrvamAMthI pazcimamAM Uge to paNa huM AvuM kALuM kAma na karuM.. mArI sAmuM zuM joi rahI che ? jA... nIkaLa mArA gharamAMthI." ...ne tApasInI pIThamAM dhabbo mAryo. kALI zAhIvALA mArA hAthano paMjo enA vastramAM barAbara UThI gayo. basa... mAruM kAma thai gayuM. mAro premI AmAM badhuM samajI jaze... evo mane vizvAsa thai gayo. premIonI bhASA premI na samajI zake ? tame kadAca nahi samajo. tame kAMi samajyA ? na samajyA hoya to samajI lo : kALI zAhInA hAthanA paMjAthI meM aMdhArI pakSanI pAMcamanI rAtano samaya jaNAvI dIdho. khyAla Avyo ne amArI tAtkAlika sahaja buddhino ? bIjA divase pharI pelI tApasI AvI ane dhrUjatI-DaratI bolavA lAgI : "pelo yuvaka tamAre ghera kayA raste Ave ? gharamAM AvavAno bIjo rasto che ?" akkalanI othamIra ! ATa-ATaluM tAruM nAka kApavA chatAM haju tuM mane AvuM-AvuM pUche che ? zarama nathI AvatI ? jA... nIkaLa mArA gharamAMthI." ema kahIne meM bocI pakaDIne tApasIne gharanA pAchaLanA daravAjethI kADhI mUkI. Atma kathAo * 312 tApasI to babaDatI-babaDatI bhAgI gai, paNa mAro premI samajI gayo ke kayA raste AvavuM ? tame paNa samajI gayA ne ? ...ane kharekhara vada pAMcamanI rAte mAro yAra AvI pahoMcyo. gharanI pAchaLanuM upavana amAruM krIDA-sthaLa banyuM. "strIo tyAM sudhI ja satI hoya che jyAM sudhI ene koi taka, koi ekAMta sthAna ane koi prArthanA karanAra puruSa nathI maLato." nArada pAse draupadIe kaheluM A satya bIjA mATe sAruM hoya ke na hoya, mArA mATe ekadama sAcuM hatuM. potAno pati game teTalo rUpALo, parAkramI ane guNIyala hoya chatAM strInuM mana bIje bhaTakavAthI aTakatuM nathI - enuM kAraNa enAmAM rahela caMcaLatAno sahaja doSa che. jUThuM, sAhasa, mAyA, atilobha, mUrkhatA, caMcaLatA - A badhA strIonA sahaja doSo che. sahaja doSothI mukta thavuM kharekhara moTI siddhi che. e siddhi je meLave te ja mahAsatI ke mahApuruSa banI zake. bAkI to badhA saMsAranA kIcaDamAM saLavaLatA kIDAo che. huM mArAmAM masta hatI. mArA yAra sAthe ja huM tyAM sUi gai. sUvAthI koine khabara paDaze to mArA zA hAla thaze ? e aMge vicAra ja nA karyo. dUdha pItI vakhate bilADI lAkaDIno vicAra thoDo ja kare huM UMghatI hatI, chatAM aMdarathI sAvadhAna to hatI ja. mArA pagamAM koika kAMika karatuM hoya tema jaNAyuM ne mArI UMgha ekadama UDI gai. hRdayamAM dhrAsako paDyo : hAya ! marI gayA ! Aje to AvI banyuM. meM joyuM ke mArA sasarA mArA pagamAMthI jhAMjhara kADhI rahyA hatA. huM cUpa ja rahI. cUpa ja rahevuM paDe ne ? atyAre jo huM kAMi boluM to huM ja gunAmAM AvI jAuM, tevA saMyogo hatA. meM UMghavAno DoLa cAlu rAkhyo ne mArA sasarA jhAMjhara laine cAlatA thayA. e emanA manathI khuza haze : cAlo... have putravadhUnA vyabhicArano purAvo maLI gayo ! paNa huMya kyAM kAcI mAyA hatI ? sasarAnI buddhi jo sasalAnI parakAya - praveza * 313

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jhaDapathI doDatI hoya to mArI buddhi haraNanI jhaDape doDatI hatI. AvA TAime zuM karavuM ? meM tarata ja vicArI lIdhuM... meM mArA pArane jagADI dIdho ane jhaDapathI bhAgI javA jaNAvyuM. e to tarata ja billI page nAsI gayo.. A bAju huM paNa billIpage patinA zayana-khaMDamAM AvI pahoMcI. palaMgamAM patideva ghasaghasATa UMghI rahyA hatA. huM kevA-kevA goTA vALIne AvI chuM - eno emane kAMi ja khyAla hoto. huM emanI pAse ja palaMgamAM sUi gai. paNa UMgha kyAMthI Ave ? atipApI ane atiArAdhakane UMgha ochI hoya. atipApI ati bhayabhIta hoya. bhayabhItatAnA kAraNe UMgha pAtaLI Ave. atiArAdhaka saMsArathI bhayabhIta hoya... ArAdhanA mATe jAgRta hoya. meM thoDIvAre ghasaghasATa UMghatA patine jagADyA ane atyaMta prema ane mIThAzathI kahyuM: 'ahIM to khUba ja garamI thAya che. mane to jarAya UMgha nathI AvatI. tame to ghasaghasATa UMghI gayA, paNa mAro to tamane jarAya vicAra ja nathI Avato. bahu svArthI cho tame hoM ' "nA... vahAlI ! evuM nathI. bola, zuM karavuM che ?" "mAruM mAnatA ho to pAchaLa azokavATikAmAM jaI sUi jaie." mArA vahAlabharyA vAkyathI patideva abhibhUta banI gayA ne huM kahyuM tema karavA taiyAra thaI gayAM. sAce ja "khAruM pANI ThaMDuM hoya che. dhUrta mANasa mIThAbolo hoya che ane kulaTA strI adhika lajjA batAvanArI hoya che." evuM je nItizAstramAM kahevAyuM che te khoTuM nathI. ame baMne gharanI pAchaLa rahelI azokavATikAmAM azokavRkSanI nIce sUi gayA. patideva to thoDI ja vAramAM ghasaghasATa UMghI gayA. e UMghatA-UMghatA ja kadAca mArA AgrahathI ahIM AvyA hatA eTale UMgha AvatAM vAra keTalI ? paNa huM UMghamAM hotI sarakI... mAre sarakavuM paNa hotuM. huM to eka pachI eka mArA dAvo lagAvI rahI hatI ane mArA durbhAgya ke sadbhAgye e dAvo saphaLa paNa banI rahyA hatA. sadbhAgye Atma kathAo * 314 e ke mArI AbarUnA dhajAgarA thatA rahI gayA ne durbhAgya e ke AthI huM pApothI bhayabhIta na banI. mAtra pakaDAi javAthI ja bhayabhIta banI. jo huM ekAdavAra pakaDAi jAuM to kama se kama pApothI aTakI to jAuM... paNa mArA pApAnubaMdhI puNyane kadAca e maMjUra nahi hoya. tamAruM kharAba dhAryuM badhuM thatuM ja jAya - emAM rAjI thavAnI jarUra nathI. saMbhava che ke tamAruM e pApa haju vadhAre ghaTTa banavAnuM hoya ne tamane vadhAre duHkhI banAvavAnuM hoya ! - pApAnuMbaMdhI puNya eTale sugara koTeDa jheranI goLI ! athavA to madhathI DhAMkelo jherano ghaDo ! paNa... A badhuM samajI zakuM evI sadbuddhi mArAmAM haju pragaTI hotI. huM haju prabhuthI ghaNI dUra hatI. huM haju atyaMta kALA kAryomAM lita hatI. mArI dubuddhi eTalI gADha hatI ke zubha vicAranI eka rekhA paNa pragaTa thAya tevI koi ja saMbhAvanA hotI. thoDIvAre patidevane jagAvIne meM ekadama gussAthI kahyuM. A gusso sAco nahi, paNa abhinIta hato. meM gussAthI lAlacoLa cahere AgabharyA zabdomAM kahyuM : "patideva ! tamArA gharamAM A te kevo rivAja ?' "kayo rivAja ?" putra ane putravadhU saha-zayana karI rahyA hoya tyAre sasaro Ave ane eka pagamAMthI jhAMjhara kADhIne lai jAya, A kevo vicitra rivAja ? jo Ama ja cAlatuM hoya to huM A gharamAM rahevA taiyAra nathI. mArI sAthe AvA kAvAdAvA ke chaLakapaTa thatA rahe e mane maMjUra nathI. huM maravA taiyAra chuM, paNa AvA kAvAdAvAno bhoga banavA taiyAra nathI." paNa jhAMjhara kADhavAno koi ja rivAja amArA kuTuMbamAM che ja nahi. tane A bhrama thayo lAge che. tArA pagamAM jo to kharI : kadAca baMne jhAMjhara paDyA haze !" are ! bhrama nathI ne svapna paNa nathI. meM mArI sagI AMkhe tamArA pitAne jhAMjhara kADhI jatA joyA che. A to tamArA pitA hatA eTale parakAya - praveza * 315

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javA dIdhA... A sthAne bIjo koi hota to be tamAcA ja mAryA hota. paNa pUjya pAse karAya ? vaLI mane ema paNa thayuM : kadAca Avo rivAja paNa hoya ! kone khabara ?" ...ne meM mArA patidevane mArA baMne paga batAvyA. jemAM eka page jhAMjhara hotuM. "atyAre tuM sUI jA. savAre badhuM yogya thai paDaze." huM have zAMtithI sUi gai. basa... mAre je yojanA banAvavAnI hatI, banAvI lIdhI hatI. have huM nizcita hatI. savAre sasarAe dhAraNA pramANe ja karyuM. mArA para badacalananA AkSepo thayA, paNa mAre kazuM bolavAnuM hatuM ja nahi. meM mArA patidevane barAbara sAdhI lIdhA hatA. mArA pati to temanA para barAbara varasI paDyA: "tamArAmAM kaMi akkala-bakkala che ke nahi ? A rIte pAse avAya kharUM? ke sAThe buddhi nAsI ? tame kaho cho ke e mANasa koI bIjo hato, paNa e bIjo koi nahi, huM pote ja hato. tamArI buddhi bhramita thai gai lAge che. AvI satI strI para AkSepa karatAM pahelAM vicAra karajo. nahi to bolavA jIbha nahi maLe." paNa ema kAMi sasarA taMta choDe ema thoDA hatA ? ane kharekhara e sAcA hatA eTale khoTI vAta svIkAre paNa zAnA ? have huM paNa barAbara gelamAM AvI gaI. pati mArA pakSe hatA ne? meM satIno DoLa karIne moTethI kahevA mAMDyuM : "AvA AkSepo huM sahana karI zakuM nahi. AvA AkSepo sAthe jIvavuM enA karatAM marI javuM sAruM ! A gAmamAM prabhAvazALI yakSa che. enI sAme huM mArA satItvanI sAbitI ApIza." ne huM moTA upADe yakSanA maMdira tarapha cAlI. AkhA nagaramAM A vAtanI khabara paDI. sAmAnya rIte AvA samAcAro tarata ja phelAi jatA hoya che. emAM koi pracAra mAdhyamanI jarUra paDatI nathI. aneka mANaso A tamAzo jovA AvI caDyA. Atma kathAo * 316 mANasonA ToLA sAthe huM yakSanA maMdire jai rahI hatI ane rastAmAM pelo yAra pUrvasaMketa mujaba gAMDAnuM rUpa laine mane vaLagI paDyo. lokoe tene dUra haTAvyo. Akhare huM yakSanA maMdire pahoMcI. pApI mANasa yakSanA pagamAMthI nIkaLI zakato nahi - evo yakSano prabhAva hato. meM hAtha joDIne yakSane kahyuM : he pragaTaprabhAvI ! yakSarAja ! Apano prabhAva to daze dizAmAM jANIto che. huM mAruM satItva sarANe caDAvavA ahIM AvI chuM. mArA karmano ja doSa che ke mArA jevI mahAsatI para paNa AvA ajugatA AkSepa thAya che. huM bIjA koIne doSa nathI ApatI. o dayAmaya deva ! jo meM mArA patideva ane rastAmAM vaLagelo pelo gAMDo mANasa - e bene choDIne bIjA koino sparza karyo hoya to mane jarUra zikSA karajo." ...ane tarata ja huM yakSanA pagamAMthI nIkaLI gai. kadAca yakSa paNa vicAramAM paDI gayo haze : A bAi bole to sAcuM ja che... ane chatAM khoTuM che. to zuM karavuM ? zikSA ApuM ke nahi ? yakSa vicAra karato rahyo ne meM jhaDapathI mAruM kAma patAvI dIdhuM. lokoe mArA nAmano jaya-jayakAra karyo. "mahAsatI nUpurapaMDitAno jaya ho." "bhagavatI nUpurapaMDitAnA asIma jaya-jayakAra ho'nA nArAo AkAzamAM guMjavA lAgyA. Ama to mAruM nAma durmilA hatuM. paNa tyArathI huM 'nUpurapaMDitA' tarIke prasiddha thaI. mArA sasarAne laDAimAM barAbara jItI lIdhA. AthI emanI to UMgha ja harAma thai gai. parakAya - praveza * 317

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ra () huM zAzaNI (sAdhvI) hi cANakyanI nItimAM kahyuM che : "strIne puruSanI AThagaNI vAsanA hoya che." A vAta para khAtarI na hoya to mAruM jIvana jANI lo. Aje to huM sAdhvI-avasthAmAM chuM, paNa A avasthAmAM AvatAM pahelAM huM aneka taDakI-chAMyaDImAMthI pasAra thayelI chuM. duniyAnI koika ja vyaktine ja maLe, evI majA meM mANI che to evI ja sajA paNa bhogavI che. AbarUdAra kuTuMbajIvI chuM to mArI AbarUnA cIMtharA paNa uDaDyA che. addabhuta mAna-sanmAna maLyuM che to sAme bhayaMkara apamAna paNa vekyuM che. ema nahi samajatA ke bIjA koinA kAraNe mAre apamAna veThavuM paDyuM che ke mArI AbarUnA kAMkarA thayA che. je thayuM temAM koinoya doSa hoto, mArA ja karmono doSa hato. kharuM kahuM to karmono paNa nahi, mAro ja doSa hato. meM hAthe karIne Apattio UbhI karI hatI, peTa coLIne zULa UbhuM karyuM hatuM. eka jamAnAmAM huM rAjarANI hatI, mAruM thanaganatuM lAvaNya AkarSaNanuM kendra hatuM. rAjAnA aMtaHpuramAM mAruM mahattvapUrNa sthAna hatuM. paNa mAruM mana caMcaLa hatuM, vaLI rAjAno sahavAsa to mahine - be mahine mAMDa ekavAra maLato... AthI huM becena hatI ane vicAratI : rAjarANI banavA karatAM sAmAnya gRhiNI banavuM sAruM, kama se kama potAno ja eka sAthI to hoya... duniyA mAne che ke rAjarANI sukhI hoya che, paNa rANIo aMdarathI keTalI duHkhI haze - enI kalpanA bIjAne kyAMthI Ave ? e to veThe te ja jANe. ghAyala kI gata ghAyala jAne. eka vakhata hAthInA mahAvatanI AMkho para mArI AMkho jaDAI gai. mArI catura AMkhoe mahAvatanuM hRdaya jANI lIdhuM. eno suDoLa bAMdho, pahoLI chAtI, deDha cahero - e badhuM gamI jAya tevuM hatuM. jo ke Ameya huM vAsanAmAM aMdha ja hatI eTale jyAM jyAM mArI najara Thare e puruSa ane suMdara ja dekhAto. bIjAo kahetA hatA ke mahAvata kadarUpo Atma kathAo * 318 che, paNa mane to e suMdara lAgyo. Akhare to ApaNI AMkho para badho AdhAra che ne ? jyAM AMkhane gamI jAya tyAM raNa paNa vRMdAvana banI jAya, pAnakhara paNa vasaMta banI jAya ane kurUpa paNa surUpa banI jAya. rAjA jevA rAjA mArA pati hovA chatAM huM mahAvatamAM mohI paDI. "prAyeNa bhUmipatayaH pramadA latAzca, yaH pArzvato vasati taM pariveSTayanti" "moTA bhAge rAjA, matta strI ane velaDI - je pAse hoya tene vaLagI paDe che." A nItivAkya ema ne ema nathI kahevAyuM. huM kAmonmatta strI ! roja najare caDatA mahAvatamAM huM na mohI paDuM e ja Azcarya ! meM joyuM : e paNa mArAmAM barAbarano mohAyo hato... ame baMne maLavAnA upAyo vicAravA lAgyA. paNa A to rAjAnuM janAnakhAnuM. cArebAjuthI jabaradasta cokIpahero ! amArA aMtaHpuramAM cokIdAro kevA hoya te jANo cho ? jo e rUpALA hoya to pharI muzkelI ! vADa ja cIbhaDA gaLI jAya ! ame emAM ja mohAi paDIe ! ama strIonA cittano zuM bharoso ? eTale khAsa karIne kadarUpA puruSone ja aMtaHpuranA rakSaka tarIke nImavAmAM Ave. e paNa moTA bhAge kRtrima napuMsaka ja hoya ! AvuM janAnakhAnuM, kharUM pUcho to mane to kedakhAnuM ja lAgatuM ! AvA kaDaka jAptA vacce mahAvatane maLavuM e to loDhAnA caNA cAvavAthI paNa vadhu muzkela kAma hatuM ! jo ke, cokIdArane to huM pahoMcI vaLuM tema hatI, paNa mArI zokyone huM kema pahoMcuM ? mane emano ja bhaya vadhAre hato. "strIo ja strIonI duzmana hoya che." e to tame sAMbhaLyuM ja haze ! emAMya zokya strInuM to pUchavuM ja zuM ? svAbhAvika rIte ja strIo, rAjakAraNIo ane kUtarAo ISyanA bhaMDAra hoya che. kharekhara to iSyanuM bIjuM nAma ja A traNa che, ema kahIe to paNa cAle. emAM paNa zokya strIonI irSyA eTale to pUchavAnuM ja nahi. eka bIjAnuM jarAka sAruM jue ke baLI mare ! huM paNa evI ja hatI hoM ! bIjAo mArI irSyA kare ne huM temanI irSyA karuM ! amArI laDAi cAlyA ja karatI hoya. laDAi vagara emane divasa parakAya - praveza * 319

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vyartha lAge ! kajIyo, kAjaLa ane siMdUra - e amArI traNa priya cIjo ! dUdha, jamAi ane saMgItanI jema amane e traNeya khUba ja game ! hA... kajIyo paNa game. puruSa to "kajIyAnuM moM kALuM.' ema kahIne cUpa besI jAya, paNa ame cUpa na besIe. vAta bhale ne nAnI hoya, paNa ame taMta na choDIe. sAcI vAta tamane kahuM ? moTA-moTA yuddho je puruSo laDe che enA mULamAM paNa ame ja hoIe chIe. ame jo na hota to rAmAyaNa ke mahAbhAratanA yuddho na thAta. strInI uzkeraNI vinA puruSa sAmAnya rIte yuddha mATe taiyAra thato nathI. puruSane pAno caDAvanAra moTA bhAge strIo hoya che. mArI vAtamAM bharoso na hoya to itihAsanA pAnA uthalAvI joi lejo. - IrSyA ane jhagaDA vinAnI strI jo kyAMya jovA maLe to ene hRdayathI namajo... e sAkSAt pavitratA che. ... paNa jene maLavuM ja hoya te game tema karIne maLI ja le. eka vakhate huM aMtaHpuranA gavAkSamAM beThI hatI ne mArI najara paDI hastizALA upara. mAruM hRdaya nAcI UThyuM : are ! vAha ! A to hastizALA ekadama pAse ja che. have mahAvatane maLavuM e to DAbA hAthano khela ! meM izArAthI mahAvatane jaNAvI dIdhuM : tuM hAthI laine bArI pAse AvI jA. pachI joi le ke huM hAthInA sahAre nIce AvI zakuM ke nahi. mahAvate ekavAra akhataro karyo. rAtre amuka cokkasa samaye hAthI gavAkSa pAse lAvyo. mahAvatanA izAre hAthIe sUMDha UMcI karI ne huM e sUMDhanA sahAre nIce utarI. hAthInI sUMDha para paga mUkavo e kAMi jevuM tevuM kAma hotuM, strIo mATe to A kAma atyaMta DarAmaNuM hatuM. strIo Ameya Darapoka hoya paNa strIomAM bhIrutA jema svAbhAvika che, tema sAhasikatA paNa svAbhAvika che. jyAre strI koinA anurAgamAM taNAya che tyAre game tevA jokhamI kAmo karavA paNa taiyAra thai jAya che. tyAre te Darapoka maTIne ekadama sAhasika banI jAya che. puruSonuM uparanuM stara nirbhayanuM hoya, paNa aMdaranuM stara DarapokanuM hoya. jyAre strIonuM uparanuM stara DarapokanuM hoya, paNa aMdaranuM stara nirbhayanuM hoya. Atma kathAo * 320 DarapokapaNAnI uparanI chAla utarI jatAM ja strI ekadama raNacaMDI banI jAya, bhayaMkara paNa banI jAya. mahAvatane maLavAno amAro A krama niraMtara cAlu rahevA lAgyo. rAtre thatA A kRtyanI koine gaMdha suddhA na Ave evI amArI sAvadhAnI hatI. "supramukhya sAmagra, vahANane 1 Tchata" AyojanapUrvaka AcaravAmAM AvelA daMbhano tAga brahmA paNa pAmI zakato nathI." AvuM vidhAna koie amArA jevAnuM kRtya joine ja karyuM haze ! ...paNa daMbhIo mAtra A ja vidhAna yAda rAkhe che, paraMtu "pApa chipAyA nA chipe, chipe to mahAbhAga; dAbI-dUbI nA rahe, rui lapeTI Aga." e vAta kadI yAda karatA ja nathI. ...tame yAda karo ke nA karo, paNa samaya yAda karAvI ja de che. eka vakhata e samaya AvI pahoMcyo. vAta ema banI ke amArA nagaramAM "durgilA nAmanI mArI putravadhU kulaTA che" evo enA sasarAe AkSepa lagAvyo. yakSa pAse jatAM dugilA satI siddha thai. AthI sasarAne evo AghAta lAgyo ke rAtre UMgha ja baMdha thai gai. koi paNa sAcA mANasane, potAnI vAta sAcI hovA chatAM jUThI sAbita thAya to bhayaMkara AghAta to lAge ja ne ? A AghAta eTalo bhayaMkara hato ke e vayovRddha devadatta nAmano sasaro AkhI rAta pathArImAM paDakhA ghasato raheto, paNa UMgha nhotI AvatI. UMgha vinA ja keTalAya divaso pasAra thai gayA. A vAta AkhA nagaramAM phelAi gai. tame jANo cho : kai vAta jaldI phelAi jAya ? zAMti rahe te nahi, yuddha thAya te. lagna thAya te nahi, lagna mAMge che. kUtaro karaDe te nahi, mANasa karaDe te. gadheDo bhUMke te nahi, mANasa bhUke te. | UMgha AvI jAya te nahi, UMgha uDI jAya te. koi paNa pracAra vinA AvI vAto tarata ja phelAi jatI hoya che. jANe pANImAM telanuM TIpuM ! parakAya - praveza * 321

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A vAta rAjA pAse paNa AvI. rAjAne thayuM : Avo nidrA-rahita vRddha mANasa to khUba ja kAmano che. bIjuM kAMi nahi to aMtaHpuranA cokIdAra tarIke to kAma lAgaze ja. ...ane vaLatA ja divase rAjAe tene amArA aMtaHpurano cokIdAra banAvI dIdho. pelo Doso to Ameya gharathI kaMTALI ja gayo hato. so chokaro paNa jyAM potAnI vAta mAnavA taiyAra na hoya te gharamAM rahevAnuM mana paNa kone thAya ? e DosAne saMsAranI asAratA dekhAvA lAgI hatI, ene saMsAra DuMgaLI jevo lAgavA mAMDyo hato. chotarA kADhatA ja jAva. aMdara kaMi ja na maLe. zarUAtamAM patnI pyArI lAge. paNa putra thatAM ja eno pyAra ocho thai jAya. zarUAtamAM putra pyAro lAge, paNa lagna thatAM ja e putravadhUno banI jAya. zarUAtamAM putravadhU sArI lAge, paNa be-traNa varSamAM ja alaga gharanI vAta kare. basa A saMsAramAM Ama ja badhuM sarakatuM rahe. jyAM badhuM ja sarakatuM jAya ane chelle ApaNe svayaM paNa sarakI paDIe enuM ja nAma to saMsAra che ne ? paNa re, saMsAranI AvI asAratA anubhavavA mATe TheTha ghaDapaNa sudhI pahoMcavuM paDe che, TheTha tyAre akkala Ave che ke AnA karatAM to... paNa tyAre pastAvo sivAya hAthamAM kazuM hotuM nathI. gharathI kaMTALelo A Doso mArA mATe to AphatarUpa banyo. gavAkSamAMthI javAno mAro samaya thai gayo. huM UbhI paNa thai gai, paNa pelo Doso khUM... chUM... karato hato. mAruM mana bolI uThyuM : kevo che A vicitra Doso ! hajI sUto nathI. huM enA sUvAnI vATa jovA lAgI, paNa mane mUrkhAne kyAM khabara hatI ke enAthI UMgha sAta samudra dUra bhAgI gai che ? e sUvAno DoLa karIne mArA mATe Aphata paNa Atma kathAo . 322 ubhI karI zake che ? - paNa kAmAMdha vyaktine ATaluM vicAravA samaya ja kyAM hoya che ? e to chatI AMkhe AMdhaLo hoya che. pelo ghuvaDa to mAtra divase na dekhe, pelo kAgaDo to mAtra rAtre na dekhe, paNa kAmathI AMdhaLo thayelo divaseya na dekhe ane rAtreya na dekhe. zarUAtamAM to e Doso vAraMvAra mArI sAme joto hato. AthI huM gabharAi jai vAraMvAra nIce besI jatI hatI, paNa pachI meM joyuM to e Doso ghasaghasATa UMghato hato. hAza ! have vAMdho nahi. mAruM mana bolI uThyuM. huM tarata ja hAthInI sUMDha para paga mUkIne utarI paDI. Aje mAro yAra (mahAvata) ekadama krodhathI dhamadhamato hato : rAMDa! ATalI vAra kema lagADI ? tArAmAM kAMi akkala-bakkala che ke nahi ? samayanuM bhAna che ke nahi ? huM kyArathIya ahIM tArI vATa joine Ubho chuM, eno tAre vicAra karavAno ke nahi ? AvI rAte mAre kyAM sudhI UbhA rahevuM ? ...ane e to mAruM kazuM ja sAMbhaLyA vinA hAthIne bAMdhavAnI sAMkaLathI mane jhUDavA ja mAMDyo. "nAtha ! ATalA nArAja nA thAo. mArI vAta jarA sAMbhaLo to kharA ! olo Doso che ne te Aje ja navo Avyo che ne TIkI-TIkIne mArI sAme joi rahyo hato. huM to kyArathIye taiyAra hatI, paNa pelo UMghe tyAre ne ! e hamaNAM ja sUto ne huM tarata ja AvI." mArI vAta sAMbhaLIne mahAvata kAMika TADho paDyo ane mane vaLagI paDyo. eno krodha kAmamAM badalAi gayo. evuM na samajatA ke strIne jhUDavAthI te nArAja thAya che. jhUDavAthI UlaTuM strI bamaNA premathI cAhavA lAgI jAya che. kharUM pUcho to je garama na thAya, je mAra-jhUDa na kare, evo puruSa strIone namAlo lAge che. enI zAMtimAM strIne kAyaratAnA darzana thAya che. strIo kadI kAyarane cAhI zakatI nathI. strIone dabaDAvavAthI sIdhI cAle che. 'Dhola pazu mUrakha aura nArI, ye saba tADana ke adhikArI.' tulasIdAsanI A prasiddha ukti tame nathI sAMbhaLI ? emAM kaMika to saccAi haze ne ? caMdana, parakAya - praveza - 323

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dahIM, strI, dharatI, zeraDI - A badhI vastuo evI che ke enuM jeTaluM vadhu mardana eTaluM vadhu phaLa ! kAma patAvIne huM hAthInA sahAre pharI upara AvI gai. Ama keTalAka divasa barAbara cAlyuM. eka divasa rAjA aMtaHpuramAM alaka-malakanI vAto karI rahyA hatA. Aje to rAjA barAbara khIlyA hatA. teo hAthamAM kamaLanuM phUla lAvelA ane enA nALathI badhI rANIone kramazaH phaTakAratA hatA. badhI rANIo to hasavA mAMDI : A zuM che vaLI ? zikSA ApavAnI A navI paddhati paNa mAro jyAre naMbara Avyo tyAre huM ekadama cIsa pADI bolI UThI : "bApa re... mane bahu vAge che ! ATaluM badhuM mAro nahi." kamaLanA komaLa nALano mAra paNa mane bahu lAge che. huM eTalI badhI komaLa chuM - ema huM batAvavA mAMgatI hatI. "kulaTA strIo ghuMghaTa lAMbu tANe, khAruM pANI vadhu ThaMDuM hoya. dhUtAro mANasa khUba ja mIThuM-mIThuM bole." e to tame jANatA ja hazo? paNa mane kyAM khabara hatI ke mAro A DhoMga ja mArA mATe beDI banI jaze ? strIomAM eTalI akkala paNa kyAMthI lAvavI ? rAjAno krodha jvALAmukhInI jema phATI nIkaLyo ane bolI UThyA: "hAthIne bAMdhavAnI sAMkaLano mAra lAgato nathI ane kamaLanI nALa vAge che. vAha ! zuM komaLatA che ?" rAjAnuM A vAkya sAMbhaLatAM ja huM cokI UThI. mane paLavAramAM ja badhuM samajAI gayuM : nakkI A badhuM kAma olA DosAnuM che. huM mUrkha ene sUtelo samajelI ! Doso to jamAnAno khAdhelo nIkaLyo ! mArI dhAraNA sAcI paDI. mArI vizvAsu dAsIe paNa A ja vAta kahI : rANI bA ! bahu bhayaMkara khela khelAi rahyo che. tamArA para motano khataro che. meM mArA sagA kAne sAMbhaLyuM. olo Doso ane rAjA vAtacIta karI rahyA hatA. Atma kathAo * 324 rAjAe gussAthI pUchayuM : "kema tame kahetA hatA ne ke mane UMgha nathI AvatI ! Aje kema sUryodaya sudhI ghasaghasATa UMghatA hatA ?" "rAjanuM ! beadabI mApha karajo. Aje rAtre je ghaTanA joi enAthI mArA mananuM samAdhAna thai gayuM. jo rAja-parivAramAM kaDaka cokIpaherA vacce paNa AvuM agaDaMbagaDuM cAlatuM hoya to amArA jevAnA ghera agaDaMbagaDuM cAlyA kare emAM navAI zI ? ne mArA mananuM samAdhAna thai gayuM. keTalAya divasothI na AvatI UMgha Aje AvI gai." kai ghaTanA ?" ane DosAe hAthIvALI rAtanI AkhI ghaTanA saMbhaLAvI dIdhI. rAjAe trADa pADI : "kaI che e harAmakhora rANI ?" rAjana ! e rANI kaI hatI ? e to aMdhArAmAM dekhAyuM nahi, paNa hatI koi rANI ja, e vAta cokkasa che." "calo, koI vAMdho nahi. huM e rANIne zodhI kADhIza." rAjAe Ama kahIne vAtanI samApti karI. huM paDadA pAchaLa rahIne A badhuM sAMbhaLI rahI hatI. dAsInA mukhe A badhuM sAMbhaLIne huM nakha-zikha dhrujI UThI : bApa re ! have marI gayA. rAjAe to kamaLanA nALathI mane zodhI paNa kADhI. have zuM thaze ? paNa "aba pachatAye kyA hota jaba cIDiyA cuga gai kheta ?" mAruM khetara paMkhIo caNI gayA hatA. have raDavA sivAya mArA hAthamAM kazuM ja nahotuM. gussAthI dhamadhamI rahelA rAjAe mane, mahAvatane ane hAthIne dehAMta daMDanI zikSA karI. parvata parathI hAthI sahita amane baMnene gabaDAvI devAno plAna ghaDAyo. rAjAnI AjJA eTale AjJA ! emAMthI nIkaLavAnI koi chaTakabArI nahotI. mAruM hRdaya phaphaka... phapha ka.. dhRjavA mAMDyuM. mRtyuno rAkSasa AMkha sAme dekhAvA lAgyo. e rAkSasathI koi choDAvI zake ema mane lAgyuM nahi. hajAro mANasonI sAme amane A kaThora zikSA ApavAmAM AvI. parakAya - praveza * 325

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mArI AbarUnA lIrelIrA UDI rahyA hatA. lokomAM bhinna bhinna prakAranI vAto thatI hatI. - hAthI para huM ane mahAvata beThelA hatA. mahAvata hAthIne TheTha parvatanI dhAra para lai gayo. tyAM rahIne mahAvate chelle potAnI kaLA batAvavA mAMDI. pahelAM hAthIe eka paga AkAzamAM rAkhyo. lokoe tALIono gaDagaDATa karyo. hAthIe have be paga bahAra kADhyA. lokoe pharI tALIonA gaDagaDATapUrvaka hAthInI tAlIma bIradAvI. mahAvate pachI hAthInA traNe pagane AkAzamAM laTakAvyA ane hAthI mAtra eka ja page Ubho rahyo. jarAka belensa cUkyo to sIdhA ame khINamAM ! jo ke khINamAM paDAvIne traNeyano mAravAno ja plAna hato... paNa mANasanA plAna karatAM kudaratano plAna koi judo ja hato. hAthInI AvI abhuta kaLA joi loko bolavA lAgyA : Avo suMdara hAthI ! ene kema mAravAmAM Ave che ? pApa to e baMnee karyuM che, eno daMDa hAthIne zA mATe ? hAthI AmAM sahAyaka banyo e ThIka che, paNa e to bicAro pazu che - emAM eno zo doSa ? mahAvata zIkhavADe tema e kare. AmAM to rAjAe ja vicAravuM joie. AvA hastiratnane zA mATe marAvavo joie ? lokoe sAthe maLIne rAjAne prArthanA karI : "rAjana ! A nirdoSa abola ane hoziyAra hastinane zA mATe marAvo cho ? e bicArAno zo doSa che ?" rAjAne lokonI vAta kharI lAgI, paNa have zuM thAya ? ghaNuM moDuM thai gayuM hatuM. ...chatAM rAjAe nIcethI pUchyuM : o mahAvata ! tuM AvI avasthAmAMthI hAthIne pAcho lAvI zake ke nahi ? bacAvI zake ke nahi? hAthIne pAcho vALI de to ame tArI kaLA kharI jANIe. mahAvata paNa kAMi kAco nhoto. eNe paNa taka joi tIra mAryuM : rAjana ! hAthIne pAcho vALIne bacAvI to lauM, paNa eka zarate. amane baMnene abhayadAna Apo to." Atma kathAo * 326 hAthIne bacAvavo hoya to amane abhayadAna ApyA vinA cAle tema nhotuM. rAjAe amane abhayadAna ApyuM. dakSa mahAvate hoziyArIthI hAthIne pAcho vALyo. hAza ! mAMDa motathI bacyA. mAruM mana bolI UThyuM. paraMtu rAjAe amane sApha-sApha kahI dIdhuM : tame baMne mAruM rAjya choDIne bahAra cAlyA jAva. ame baMne bahAra cAlI nIkaLyA. gai kAlanI rANI huM, Aje bhIkhAraNa banI gai. "sArthaTH, visaMvATI, #Ama mANIvilovaET " "kAma-vAsanA e zalya che, jhera che, bhorIMga sApa che. e vAtanI pratIti mAruM jIvana Dagale-pagale karAvatuM raheze. rAjya choDIne ame baMne dUra-dUra nIkaLI gayA. koi eka nagara bahAra bagIcAnA makAnamAM ame visAmo khAvA beThA. sAMja paDI gai hatI eTale ame tyAM ja rAtavAso karavAnuM nakkI karyuM. ame baMne sUi gayA. mahAvata to ghasaghasATa UMghI gayo. mane eTalI gADha UMgha nhotI AvI. madhyarAtrino samaya thayo haze tyAM mArA hAthane koikano sparza thayo. puruSano sparza thatAM ja huM jAgI UThI. huM ja nahi, mArI vAsanA paNa jAgI UThI. meM joyuM to e puruSa koi bIjo hato. mAro mahAvata to majethI sUto hato. paNa vAsanAne to je maLe che. jeNe rAjAne paNa choDI dIdho, ene mahAvata choDatAM vAra zI. sAce ja strInI vAsanA bhayaMkara hoya che. e yA to jAgatI nathI. jAgI jAya to jaladI zAMta thatI nathI. puruSanI vRtti eTale ghAsano bhaDako ! tarata ja saLagI UThe ne tarata ja zAMta ! strInI vRtti eTale chANAnI Aga ! jaldI saLage nahi ! saLage to jaladI bujhe nahi ! AvI strIo eTalI matta bane ke game teTalA puruSo ochA paDe ! "prANIothI jama tRpta thato nathI. lAkaDAthI agni tRpta thato nathI. nadIothI sAgara tRpta thato nathI tema puruSothI strIo tRpta thatI nathI." - 'ra paMta vAmanovanA:' AvuM kahevAyuM che te AvI ja strIo mATe. huM paNa AvI ja vikarALa strI parakAya - praveza * 327

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banI hatI. AthI ja huM, rAjA hovA chatAM mahAvatane vaLagI ane have mahAvata hovA chatAM ajANyA mANasane vaLagI. e ajANyA mANasanA mukha para bukAnI bAMdhelI hatI. AthI lAgatuM hatuM ke cora haze. mArI dhAraNA kharI paDI. kharekhara e cora ja hato. thoDIvAra vicArIne eNe kahyuM : jo kadAca mane pakaDavA koi rAjAnA sainiko gherI vaLe to tAre mane bacAvI levo. tuM jo mane pati tarIke jaNAvIza to ja huM bacI zakIza. jo huM bacIza to tane patnI tarIke rAkhIza. mArI pAse vaibhavano koi pAra nathI. A muphalIza mahAvata joDe jiMdagI gALavAmAM tane zuM maLavAnuM che ? jIvanabhara rakhaDavuM paDaze. huM coranI vAta karavA taiyAra thai gai. vAsanAgrasta citta atyaMta vyAkuLa ane caMcaLa hoya che. e dUranuM to zuM ? najIkanuM paNa joi zakatuM nathI. huM vAsanAmAM bahAvarI banI hatI, aMdha banI hatI, sAcuM-khoTuM vicAravAnI zakti khoi beThI hatI. thoDA ja samayamAM amane traNeyane rAjAnA sainikoe gherI lIdhA. A bemAM cora koNa che ?' evuM jyAre mane pUchavAmAM AvyuM tyAre meM pUrvayojanA mujaba bedhaDaka kahI dIdhuM : A (cora) mAro pati che. mahAvata to mArA AvA vartanathI stabdha ja thai gayo. e eTalo AvezamAM AvI gayo ke eka akSara paNa bolI zakyo nahi. kadAca bole to paNa tenuM koi sAMbhaLe tema nhotuM. enA aMgeaMgamAMthI krodha TapakI rahyo hato, mArI bevaphAi tenA hRdayanA so-so TUkaDA karI rahI hatI, paNa mane tenA para koi ja dayA na AvI. mAre to navA-navA puruSo joitA hatA. bhogavAi gayelA zeraDInA kucA jevA puruSonuM mAre koi kAma hotuM ! je mahAvatanI kaLAnA kAraNe mane jIvana-dAna maLyuM hatuM, tenuM ja jIvana chInavI levA sudhInI adhama kakSA sudhI huM pahocI gai hatI ! re, phUra nArI-hRdaya ! mArI kSullaka buddhi to juo ! meM e paNa na vicAryuM : A coranI jAta para bharoso kema mUkAya ? koNa jANe e kevo haze ? cora ane Atma kathAo * 328 sAro mANasa? hoya ja kema? 'A sAro che enI khAtarI zI? ...paNa mArI bephAma banelI vAsanAe mane AvuM kAMi ja vicAravA na dIdhuM ! mArA dekhatAM ja enA hAthamAM ane pagamAM beDIo paDI ! sainikonI lAkaDIo paNa paDI ! have e thoDAka ja kalAkono mahemAna hato. ene gadheDA para besADI zULIe caDAvI devAnI saMpUrNa yojanA ghaDAi cUkI hatI. enuM je thAya te thAya. mAre zuM ? AvI kSullaka vicAradhArAe mAro bharaDo lIdho hato. huM ane mArA navo cora pati - ame baMne amArA raste cAlI nIkaLyA. mahAvatanuM have zuM thaze ? enI mane koi paravA hotI. mane navo pati maLI gayo hato ne ? - ame alaka-malakanI vAto karatA-karatA jaMgalamAM cAlyA jatA hatA. rastAmAM nadI AvI. mArA nUtana priyatame mane kahyuM : "priye ! A nadIne zI rIte oLaMgIzuM ? jo ke huM taravAnuM to jANuM chuM paNa tane tArI nahi zakuM. mane eka vicAra Ave che tArA AbhUSaNo ane vastro laine huM ekalo sAme kinAre cAlyo jAuM... pachI badho sAmAna vyavasthita jagyAe mUkI pharI tArI pAse AvIza ane tane lai jaiza. pachI vajana nahi hoya eTale koI ja vAMdho nahi Ave.' coranI AvI mIThI-mIThI vAtomAM huM bhoLavAi gai. meM e badhuM ja mAnI lIdhuM. mArI pAsethI mArA badhA ja ghareNAM ane badhA ja vastro lai e nadImAM kUdI paDyo ane huM tenI vATa jotI nirvastra dazAmAM nadI-kinAre besI rahI. ghaDI... be ghaDI... cAra ghaDI... samaya vItato cAlyo... mane thatuM : hamaNAM Avaze... hamaNAM ja Avaze... Avyo... A Avyo...hamaNAM ja Avyo. paNa e na Avyo te na ja Avyo... mArA ghareNAM ane vastro paNa lai gayo. Akhare jAta to coranI hatI ne ? je strI potAnA patinI na thai, ene zULIe caDatAM joi jarAya dravita na banI, e mArA jevA coranI zuM thavAnI ? A to game tyAre parakAya - praveza * 329

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mane paNa muzkelImAM mUkI zake ! mArA karatAM hajAro rUpALA ane hajAro dhanavAno A jagatamAM vase che. jyAre mArAthI adhika koi maLI jaze tyAre mAro vizvAsaghAta karatAM e jarAya vAra nahi lagADe. A badhAne mAre kyAM sAcavavI? pelA (mahAvata) jevI mArI hAlata thAya, e pahelAM ja huM ene choDI dauM. AvI caMcaLa strIonA zA bharosA ? je mArA jevA ajANyA khAtara potAnA patine zULIe caDAvavA taiyAra thai jAya, ene mane choDatAM zI vAra ? - AvI ja koi vicAraNA heThaLa cokkasa e mane choDIne bhAgI gayo haze ! - paNa jatAM-jatAM eNe mArI hAlata kaphoDI karI nAkhI ! mArA ghareNAM to lai gayo, paNa kapaDAMya lai gayo ! ghareNAM vagara to hajuye cAle, paNa kapaDAM vinA zuM cAle ? emAMya puruSone to hajuya cAle... strIone to bilakula nahi. - roTI, kapaDAM, makAna - A mANasanI Avazyaka cIjo che. sau prathama roTalI, pachI kapaDAM ane pachI makAna joie. A krama puruSo mATe ThIka haze. paNa ama mahilAo mATe to UlaTo krama che. tame puruSa loko mAtra tamArI rIte ja vicAro. tamArI vicAradhArAmAM moTAbhAge strIone sthAna hotuM ja nathI. strIone jo AvazyakatAno krama pUcho to kadAca javAba UlaTo haze. strIono javAba haze : makAna, kapaDAM, roTI ! ane sarva prathama Azraya mATe makAna joie. pachI lAja DhAMkavA kapaDAM joie ane roTIno krama to sauthI chello Ave ! mAre koi AzrayasthAna nhotuM ! uparanuM AkAza e ja mAruM chAparuM ane nIcenI pRthvI e ja mArI pathArI hatI ! mArA zarIra para koI ja vastra hotuM... athavA to badhI dizAo ja mAruM vastra hatI. huM digaMbara hatI ! (dizAo ja jenA vastra che, ene digaMbara kahevAya - e jANo cho ne ?). eka vakhatanI rAjarANInI AjanI A dazA hatI ! nA... koie mArI AvI durdazA hotI karI. mArI ja vAsanAnI bhUtaDIe mArI AvI bhayaMkara dazA karI hatI. Atma kathAo * 330 svachaMda manovRttivALAonI avadazA paralokamAM to je thavI hoya te thAya, A ja bhavamAM AvI avadazA thAya che. huM bahAvarI banIne jaMgalamAM Ama-tema ghUmavA lAgI. rAjA khoyo... mahAvata khoyo ane chelle cora paNa khoyo ! meM mUrkhAe badhuM ja khoyuM hatuM ! badhAne pakaDavA jAya e badhethI rahe ekane pakaDI rahe tene badhuM maLI rahe. 'eka sAdhe saba sadhe, saba sAdhe saba jAya" e kahevatano mArmika artha Aje barAbara samajAi rahyo hato. samajAi rahyo hato eTaluM ja nahi, e artha jIvAi rahyo hato ! ATa-ATalI durdazA thavA chatAM AmAM vAsanAnI bhUtaDI ja kAraNabhUta che - evo mane vicAra suddhAM AvI zakyo nahi ! huM jaMgalamAM Amatema ghUmI rahI hatI. zuM karavuM ? kyAM javuM ? kAMI sUjhatuM nahotuM. tyAM ja mArI AMkho samakSa eka tejovartuLa pragaTa thayuM. meM uMce joyuM to mAro yAra pelo mahAvata ! ghaDIbhara to mane vizvAsa na beTho. A zuM? svapna ke satya ! mahAvata ahIM kyAMthI ? kadAca ahIM Ave toya AkAzamAM addhara kema ? ATaluM teja kyAMthI ? huM vadhAre kAMi vicAruM e pahelAM ja e bolyo : "o vAsanAnI pAchaLa pAgala ! vAsanAnI bhUtaDIe tArI ATa-ATalI bhUMDI hAlata karI chatAM haju tAre samajavuM nathI ? haju tAre vAsanAthI aTakavuM nathI ? haju upAsanAnA mArge caDavuM nathI ? jo... huM tAro pUrvabhavano yAra ! mahAvata ! teM to mane zULIe caDAvI dIdho.. paNa zULI para jyAre mArA chellA zvAsa cAlI rahelA hatA tyAre eka zrAvake mane navakAra maMtra saMbhaLAvyo. e navakAramAM mAruM citta ekAkAra banI gayuM. navakAranA smaraNamAM ja mAruM mRtyu thayuM ane enA prabhAve marIne huM deva banyo chuM. vAsanAe tAro ane mAro saMhAra karyo. jyAre navakAranI thoDI ja upAsanAe mAro uddhAra karyo ! deva banIne meM avadhijJAnathI tane jaMgalamAM rakhaDatI joi... tane paNa saddharmanI prApti thAya eTale huM tane vAsanAmAMthI upAsanAmAM vALavA ahIM Avyo chuM. bahu thayuM... bahu thayuM. have tuM vAsanAmAMthI aTakI jA. upAsanAno Azraya le. tAro uddhAra parakAya - praveza * 331

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S (6) huM aImaclo huM to zerImAM chokarAonI sAthe rakhaDato to. mane tyAre kalpanA paNa nahi ke thoDA samayamAM huM muni banI javAno chuM, paNa bhAgya palaTAya che tyAre paLavAramAM palaTAya che, e satyanI pratIti mAruM jIvana jovAthI thaze. thaze. haju moDuM thayuM nathI. haju jiMdagI bAkI che. bhale loTo ane dorI kUvAmAM hoya, paNa dorIno cheDo haju hAthamAM che ! jiMdagIno cheDo paNa haju hAthamAM che. mAruM mAnatI hoya to tuM sAdhvI banI dharmamaya jIvana zarU kara. tAruM bhaluM thaze. bAkI, vAsanAnI bhUtaDIe Aja sudhI koine sukhI nathI karyA. Aja sudhI eNe anaMtAnaMta jIvone bharakhI lIdhA che." deva banelA mahAvatanA upadezanI mArA hRdaya para UMDI asara thai ! vAsanA pAchaLa pAgala banelAnI hAlata kevI thAya ? e mane vItI cUkyuM hatuM. have huM vAsanAthI dharAi cUkI hatI. meM sAdhvI banavAno nirNaya karyo. dave tarata ja mane sAdhvIjIo pAse mUkI dIdhI. meM vairAgyavAsita banI dIkSA lIdhI. Aje huM mastIbharyuM saMyama-jIvana jIvI rahI chuM. vAsanAnuM naraka meM joyuM che. upAsanAnuM svarga paNa joyuM che. vAsanAnI vaitaraNI nadImAM huM cUMthAi chuM. upAsanAnA naMdana vanano AnaMda paNa huM mANI rahI chuM. mAruM jIvana jagatanA lokone kahI rahyuM che : ApadAM kathitaH panthA indriyANAmasaMyamaH / tajjayaH sampadAM mArgoM yeneSTaM tena gamyatAm // indriyono asaMyama Apattiono mArga che. indriyono vijaya saMpattiono mArga che. marajI hoya te mArga pakaDI lo." ramatAM-ramatAM meM zrI gautamasvAmIne joyA. mane khyAla AvI gayo ke mahArAja vahoravA AvyA che. ramata paDatI mUkIne meM to doTa lagAvI. mahArAjano dAMDo pakaDI lIdho ne kahyuM : mahArAja ! mAre ghera vahoravA padhAro. mahArAjane gocarIno khapa nhoto. teo nA pADavA lAgyA, paNa huM kyAM keDo choDuM evo hato ? meM to dAMDo barAbara pakaDI rAkhyo. mahArAjane Akhare mAnavuM ja paDyuM, mAre ghera AvavuM ja paDyuM. huM phulAyo ke meM mahArAjane pakaDI lIdhA... paNa kharekhara to mahArAje ja mane pakaDI lIdho hato. saMbhava che mahArAje tyAre ja mAruM bhaviSya jANI lIdhuM hoya, eTale ja mAre tyAM padhAryA hoya. cAra jJAnanA svAmI zrI gautamasvAmI mahArAja mATe zuM azakya hoya ? meM ane mArI mammIe mahArAjane bhAvathI lADavA vahorAvyA. mahArAjanI jhoLI ekadama vajanadAra banI gai. meM kahyuM : mahArAja ! mane upADavA do. paNa mahArAje kahyuM : enA mATe 'mahArAja' banavuM paDe, saMsArano tyAga karavo paDe. meM hA pADI. koNa jANe kema ? paNa mane nAnapaNathI ja mahArAja bahu gamatA. emane jotAM ja huM emanI pAse doDI jato. emanA jevA banavAnuM mana paNa thai AvatuM. mArI mammI paNa mane ghaNIvAra kahetI : beTA ! saMsAramAM rahevA jevuM nathI. muni ja banavA jevuM che. saMsArano tyAga karyA vinA muni banI zakAya nahi. mane mammInI AvI vAto bahu gamatI. gautamasvAmI mahArAje paNa mane AvI ja vAto kahI. saMsAranI asAratA ane saMyamanI sArthakatA samajAvI. meM manomana nakkI karI ja dIdhuM mAre dIkSA ja levI che ne parakAya - praveza * 333 Atma kathAo * 332

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tarata ja levI che. meM ghera jaIne mammI pAse dIkSAnI vAta karI... paNa A zuM ? je mammI pahelAM mane dIkSA levA samajAvatI e ja mammI have pharI gai, dIkSA mATe AnAkAnI karavA lAgI. beTA ! tuM bahu nAno che. dIkSA pALavI bahu kaThaNa che, emAM tAruM kAma nahi. dIkSA levA jevI kharI, paNa hamaNAM nahi, moTI uMmara thAya tyAre leje. AvuM kahIne mane dIkSA letAM rokavA lAgI. paNa huM kAMi kAco nhoto. evI samajAvaTanI mArA para koi asara nA thai. huM mArA dhyeyamAM makkama hato. mAtAnI kAkaludImAM mohanAM tophAna huM joi rahyo hato. meM kahyuM : huM jANuM chuM chatAM jANato nathI. huM nathI jANato chatAM jANuM chuM. mArI AvI "avaLa' vANI mArI mAtA samajI zakI nahi. eTale tenA AgrahathI meM ja khulAso karatAM kahyuM : he mA ! huM jANuM chuM ke eka divasa huM marI javAno chuM, paNa kyAre maravAno chuM, te jANato nathI. eTale ja huM kahuM chuM ke huM jANuM chuM chatAM nathI jANato ane ene ja ulaTAvIne ema paNa kahevAya ke huM nathI jANato chatAM jANuM chuM. mAruM mRtyu kyAre thaze e huM jANato nathI paNa eka divasa to avazya thaze ja e to huM jANuM ja chuM. eTale huM ema kahevA mAMguM chuM ke mRtyu game tyAre AvI zake che. mRtyunA darabAramAM nAnA-moTAno koi krama nathI. jo huM game tyAre marI zakuM to tArI vAta 'moTo thaine tuM dIkSA le je' e zI rIte mAnI zakAya ? mArI mA to moTA mANasa jevI mArI dalIlo sAMbhaLI chakka ja thai gai. e cUpa ja thai gai ! cUpa ja thai jAya ne ! antarmuhUrtamAM dvAdazAMgI banAvanAra guru gautamasvAmIno mArA para hAtha pharyo hato. Akhare ghaNI AnAkAnInA aMte mArI mAtAe dIkSA mATe rajA ApI. game tema toya tenA haiyAmAM jaina zAsana vaseluM hatuM. dIkSA tene pyArI lAgelI hatI. dhAmadhUmathI mArI dIkSA thai. bhagavAnazrI mahAvIradeve mane ogho Apelo tyAre huM nAcI UThelo. amUlo ogho maLatAM koNa na nAce ? bhagavAne mAruM ghaDatara karavA mane sthavira sAdhuone tyAM mUkyo. huM vRddhonI Atma kathAo * 334 pAse grahaNa zikSA ane Asevana zikSAthI mArA AtmAnuM ghaDatara karavA lAgyo. eka vakhata comAsAnA samaye huM eka vRddha sAdhunI sAthe spaMDila bhUmie gayo. huM kAma patAvIne vRddha sAdhunI rAha joto rastA para Ubho rahyo. mArI najara prAkRtika sauMdarya para maMDAi. AkAza vAdaLAMothI gherAyeluM hatuM. moralAo TahUkI rahyA hatA. dharatI para lIlI-lIlI kUMpaLa phUTI hatI. Thera-Thera pANInA khAbociyAM bharAyelA hatA. mArI pAse ja eka pANInuM khAbocIyuM hatuM. tyAM bALako ramI rahyA hatA. mArI uMmaranA ja e bALako hatA. pAMdaDAnI hoDI banAvI khAbocIyAmAM tarAvI rahyA hatA. A joine mArI paNa ramavAnI vRtti sateja thai UThI. Akhare AtmA nimittavAsI che. jevuM nimitta maLe tevo banI jato hoya che. bALakone ramatA joi huM paNa ramavA taiyAra thayo. Akhare to huM bALaka ja hato ne ? bALa sahaja vRtti mArA mATe svAbhAvika hatI. huM pelA bALakonI ToLImAM ghusI gayo. mane joine e loko rAjI thayA. sAdhu mahArAja jevA dosta maLe pachI rAjI koNa na thAya ? eka chokarAe mane kahyuM : mahArAja ! amArI hoDIo A pANImAM tare che. tamArI hoDI kyAM ? huM paNa kyAM kama hato ? meM tarata ja tarapaNI para rahelI kAcalI (nAnakaDuM kASThapAtra) kADhI e khAbocIyA para taratI mUkI ane huM gAvA lAgyo : "nAnakaDI taLAvaDI ne nAnakaDI nAvaDI' mArI sAthe badhA chokarAo paNa gAvA maMDI paDyA. amArI ramata soLe kaLAe khIlI UThI. paNa acAnaka ja raMgamAM bhaMga paDyo. 'alyA aimuttA ! A zuM mAMDyuM che ? sAdhu thaine AvuM karAya ? cAla... choDa ramata. cAla, mArI sAthe dUrathI avAja saMbhaLAyo. kono hato A avAja ? je vRddha sAdhunI sAthe huM bahibrUmie Avelo hato te sAdhu kAma patAvIne AvI gayA hatA ane mane bolAvI rahyA hatA. temano sakhata avAja ane karaDAkIbharyo cahero joi huM dhrUjI UThyo. temaNe mAro sarakho udhaDo lIdho : mUrakhanA jAma ! sAdhu thaine A zI ramata mAMDI che ? ramavuM ja hatuM to sAdhu zuM kAma thayo ? kAcA pANIne ApaNAthI aDAya paNa parakAya - praveza * 335

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nahi ne teM tenA para kAcalIne tarAvI ? pANInA eka TIpAmAM keTalA jIvo hoya che te tuM jANe che ? eka TIpAnA jIvo jo sarasava jeTalA thai jAya to AkhA jaMbUtIpamAM na mAya. teM keTalA badhA jIvonI virAdhanA karI ? pApathI mukta thavA dIkSA lIdhI che ke pApa vadhAravA dIkSA lIdhI che ? huM emanI vANI natamastake sAMbhaLI rahyo. mane mArI bhUla samajAi. te vRddha sAdhu sIdhA bhagavAna pAse pahoMcyA ane mArA nAmano dhajAgaro bAMdhyo H prabhu ! Ape A TeNIyAne dIkSA ApI paNa tenAmAM ArAdhanA-virAdhanAnuM pRthakkaraNa karavA jeTalI akkala to che nahi... AvAne dIkSA ApavAthI zo phAyado ? hamaNAM ja teNe pANImAM kAcalI tarAvI keTalAM karma bAMdhyA ? bicAro kyAre A karmothI chuTaze ? kyAre mokSe jaze ?' 'mahAtman ! ciMtA na karo. e aimutto to caramaza2I2I che. A ja bhave mokSe jaze.' prabhue dhIra-gaMbhIra svare kahyuM. huM tarata ja prabhu pAse pahoMcyo. prabhunA caraNe mAthuM DhALI huM dhrUsake dhrUsake raDI paDyo : prabhu ! mArAthI aplAyanI bahu moTI virAdhanA thai gai che. bhagavan ! mane prAyazcita Apo.' prabhue kahyuM : vatsa ! bhUla thavI asvAbhAvika nathI. chadmastha mAtra bhUlane pAtra ! tuM iriyAvahIya karI le. tArI zuddhi thai jaze. bIjI tapa vagerenI koi ghora sAdhanA karavAnI tAre jarUra nathI. bhAvapUrvakanI iriyAvahIyaM e ja tArI moTI sAdhanA che. prabhunI vAta svIkArIne huM iriyAvahiyaM karavA lAgyo. iriyAvahiyaM karatAM-karatAM huM evA bhAvamAM caDyo, mArA hRdayamAM pazcAttApanI evI agnijvALA pedA thai ke jemAM mArA pApakarmo iMdhananI jema baLavA lAgyA. 'paNaga daga' pada para pahoMcatAM huM ekadama zubhadhyAnamAM caDyo. kSapakazreNi para ArohaNa karyuM ane ghanaghAtI karmonA bhUkkA bolAvI kevaLI banI gayo. mArA janama-janamanA pApa dhovAi gayA. kevaLajJAna maLe eTale mokSa maLe ja. pachI huM siddhAcalanI pavitra bhUmi para aghAtI karmono paNa nAza karI A zarIrano tyAga karI mokSamAM pahoMcI gayo ! Atma kathAo . 0 336 baMdhuo ! Aje huM saMsAramAM nathI, siddhazilA para AtmAnuM svAbhAvika sukha bhogavI rahyo chuM. 'aimutto' ke evuM koi mAruM nAma nathI, huM anAmI chuM. mAre koi zarIra nathI ke rUpa nathI, huM arUpI chuM. anAmI ane arUpI huM anaMta sukha mANI rahyo chuM. bALako ! tamAre ahIM AvavuM che ne ? iriyAvahiyaM karo tyAre mane yAda karajo. mArA jevA bhAvo lAvavA prayatna karajo. jo AvuM karatA rahezo to mArI jema eka divase tamAruM paNa ThekANuM paDI jaze. + parakAya - praveza 4 337

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() huM va 8 oha ! AnA bApe dIkSA na lIdhI hota to ApaNe Ano janmamahotsava keTalo suMdara karata ! aphasosa ! AnA bApA dhanagirie dIkSA lai lIdhI.' dIkSA.. dIkSA... dIkSA. janama thatAM ja mane AvA zabdo saMbhaLAvA lAgyA. huM vicAramAM paDI gayo : 'dIkSA' zabda meM kyAMka sAMbhaLyo che kharo. huM bhUtakALanA UMDANamAM cAlyo gayo. vismRtino paDado haTatAM ja mane pUrvajanma yAda Avyo. huM deva hato. tiryajuMbhaka deva ! aSTApada para sAMbhaLelI gautamasvAmInI dezanA yAda AvI. meM manomana dIkSA levAno nirdhAra karyo. paNa mohathelI mAtA mane dIkSA mATe rajA zI rIte Apaze ? meM mAtAnA mohane haTAvavA koi yukti lagADavAnuM vicAryuM. meM eka joradAra yukti lagAvI dIdhI. raDavAnuM zarU karyuM. rAta divasa ro... ro... ne ro ! hA... dhAvavAnA samaye dhAvI levAnuM. nahi to jIvI ja na zakAya ne ? paNa jyAM kAma pUruM thayuM tyAM ja raDavAnuM zarU ! rAta ne divasa ekadhArA bheMkaDA cAlu ! mArI mAnI UMgha harAma thai gai. mane chAno rAkhavA apAra prayatno karavA lAgI. paNa A baMdA chAnA rahevA mAgatA hatA ja kyAM ? jema e prayatno kare tema huM vadhu ne vadhu 2DuM ! Akhare mAM kaMTALI gai ! mArI mAnuM nAma sunaMdA ! pitAnuM nAma dhanagiri ! mArA janma pahelAM ja mArA pitAe dIkSI lai lIdhelI. kaMTALI gayelI mArI mAtAe mane, dhanagirine soMpI devA vicAryuM. eka vakhate vihAra karatA-karatA dhanagiri muni, guru mahArAja sAthe amArA gAmamAM AvyA. gocarI vahoravA AvelA dhanagiri muni pharatApharatA amAre ghera padhAryA. "dharmalAbha' bolIne jyAM mArA pitA munie jyAM praveza karyo tyAM mArI mAe mane upADIne munizrI pAse dharI dIdho. kahyuM : "lo... A tamArI balA ! kaMTALI gai chuM AnAthI. cha mahInAmAM Atma kathAo * 338 to A chokarAe mane tobA karI dIdhI che. rAta-divasa raDyA ja kare che. have tame sAcavo.' mArAthI kaMTALelI mArI mAtAe AhAra vahorAvavAne badale mane ja vahorAvI dIdho ! "saccitta ke acitta je maLe te Aje lai Avajo.' AvI gurudevanI AjJA saMbhArIne munivara paNa mane vahoravA taiyAra thai gayA. paNa bairAMnI vAtano koI bharoso nahi. Aje Ama bole ne kAle kadAca pharI paNa jAya. eTale munizrIe pADozamAMnI pAMca bahenonI sAkSIe mane vahoryo. have tame bALaka mAMgazo to nahi maLe." ema kahyuM paNa kharuM ! paNa tyAre mArI mA mArAthI eTalI kaMTALI gai hatI ke game te rIte mArAthI chuTavA ja mAMgatI hatI. mane teNIe vahorAvI dIdho. mAre to ATaluM ja joituM'tuM. eTalA mATe to meM raDavAnuM nATaka zarU kareluM. jyAM mane jhoLImAM nAMkhyo tyAM ja meM raDavAnuM baMdha karyuM. mA to mane hasato ramato joi cakita thai gai. paNa mArAthI eTalI kaMTALelI hatI ke bIjuM kAMi te bolI ja nahi. mArA pitA muni mane upAzraye lai gayA. AkhI jhoLI gurudevane soMpI. gurudeve jhoLI hAthathI upADI. mAruM vajana ThIka ThIka hatuM. gurudeva bolI UThyA : "oha ! vaja jeTalo vajanadAra A bALaka che.' tyArathI mAruM nAma paDyuM: vajakumAra ! gurudeve mane sAdhvIonA upAzraye mUkyo. zrAvikAo mane ramADatI | mAruM pAraNuM jhUlAvatI ne mIThAM gIto gAtI. paNa mAro rasa gItomAM hoto. mAro mukhya rasa to bhagavAnanA AgamomAM hato. upAzrayamAM rahelA sAdhvIjIo je Agamono svAdhyAya karatA te huM dhyAnapUrvaka sAMbhaLato. tame nahi mAno paNa ema sAMbhaLatAM-sAMbhaLatAM ja mane agIyAreya aMga kaMThastha thai gayA. have huM traNa varSano thai gayo hato. mane hasato-ramato joi mArI mA mane meLavavA talapApaDa thai hatI. paNa have mane meLave zI rIte ? pote ja bolIne baMdhAi gai hatI. eka vakhate guru mahArAja pAse bALaka meLavavA gaI. paNa have gurudeva zAnA soMpe ? paNa mArI mA have mane meLavavA bAvarI banI hatI. e to rAjA pAse gai. rAjAe cukAdo ApatAM kahyuM : bALakanI je tarapha ruci hoya tyAM huM javA devA chuTa ApuM chuM. bALakane tuM AkarSI zake to tAro ane parakAya - praveza * 339

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tenA pitA tarapha te AkarSAya to temano ! bALakane enI icchA mujaba karavA daiza ! koinI icchAne huM kacaDI zakuM nahi. e to mAnava hakkano bhaMga gaNAya.' mArI mAe A cukAdo svIkAryo. bIje divase mArI mA, mArA pitA muni tathA huM sabhAmAM AvyA. AkhI sabhA hakaDeThaTha bharAyelI hatI. AkhI nagarImAM A samAcAra phelAi gayA hatA... eTale lokomAM bhAre utkaMThA phelAi hatI. pahelo vAro mArI mAno Avyo. teNIe mane lobhAvavA judAjudA ramakaDAM, mIThAi vagere dharyuM... paNa temAMthI ekeyanI sAme paNa na joyuM. mArI mAe khUba ja kAlAvAlA karyA, paNa sAMbhaLe e bIjA ! tame kahezo : mA pratye tame AvA nirdaya kema banyA ? mAnI to bhakti karavI joie. tenI icchA mujaba cAlavuM joie. sAMbhaLo : mArA hRdayamAM mA pratye apAra bhakti hatI ja. kharekhara to eTalA mATe ja meM A nATaka karyuM hatuM. mAre mArI mAno mArA pratyeno khoTo moha toDAvavo hato. jo mArA pratye mArI mAne sAco prema hota to to mane dIkSA mATe e avazya rajA Apata, AvA dhamapachADA karata nahi. paNa mArA AtmakalyANamAM tene bahu rasa nhoto. je mA AtmakalyANamAM ADe AvatI hoya teno prema zuddha prema kai rIte gaNAya ? tene to moha ja kahevo paDe. tevA mohane to game te rIte haTAvavo ja paDe ! huM jANato hato ke jyAre mohano paDado haTaze tyAre mArI mA mArA pagalAthI ghaNI rAjI thaze ane kharekhara AgaLa jatAM ema ja thayuM. huM jyAre mArI mAthI koi paNa upAye pIgaLyo nahi tyAre have naMbara mArA pitAjIno ! huM temanI pAse gayo. temaNe kahyuM : 'vatsa ! mArI pAse ramakaDAM ke mIThAi kazuM nathI. A eka rajoharaNa che, ogho che, tane gamato hoya to lai le.' huM to ogho laine nAcavA maMDI paDyo. sabhAmAM tALIono gaDagaDATa thayo. rAjAe 'A bALaka pitA muni pAse raheze.' evo nirNaya Apyo. have mArI dhAmadhUmathI dIkSA thai. mArI mAno paNa moha have dUra thayo. teNe paNa dIkSA lIdhI. Atma kathAo * 340 nAnapaNathI ja mArI buddhi teja hatI. mArA gurudevano mArA para athAga prema hato. enA kAraNe ja huM bahu ja jhaDapathI vikAsanI vATe AgaLa dhapavA lAgyo. huM bAlamuni tarIke saunA AkarSaNanuM kendra banyo hato. jyAM jAuM tyAM mane jovA lokonA ToLA maLatA. strIo to mane joi pAgala banI jatI. eka vakhate gurudeva vagere badhA ja munio bahAra gayA hatA. huM ekalo ja upAzrayamAM hato. tyAre mane koNa jANe zuM sUjhyuM ke meM ramata mAMDI ! jo ke mArI ramata paNa herata pamADe tevI hatI. sAdhu mahArAjanI ramata sAdhu jevI ja hoya ne ? mArA gurudeva je rIte sAdhuone vAcanA ApatA hatA te rIte mane paNa ApavAnuM mana thayuM. huM pATa para beTho. paNa konI AgaLa vAcanA ApuM ? sAme koi sAdhuo to joie ne ? sAdhuonI jagyAe meM darekanA vIMTIyA (osIkA jevI sAdhuonI eka cIja) goThavI dIdhA ane huM dhaDAdhaDa vAcanA ApavA lAgyo. te vakhate bahArathI upAzraye AvelA mArA gurudeve mArI vAcanA chupI rIte sAMbhaLI lIdhI. teo svayaM Azcaryacakita thai gayA : zuM vAta che ? bAlamuni vajrane ATaluM badhuM AvaDe che ? teo pachI "nisIhi. nisIhi. nisIhi' bolatA aMdara AvyA. eTale meM tarata ja mAruM 'nATaka' saMkelI lIdhuM ne bhaNavA lAgI gayo. paNa bIjA divasathI gurudeve svayaM bahAra jai mArA para vAcanAno boja nAkhyo tyAre mane khabara paDI ke gurudeve mAruM nATaka joi lIdhuM lAge che. Ama nAnI uMmaramAM ja huM vAcanAkAra sAdhu tarIke gacchamAM prasiddha thai gayo. nAnapaNamAM mArI parIkSA paNa thai che. pUrvabhavanA mitradeve ja gocarI bAbata mArI parIkSA karelI. paNa huM enA SaDayaMtramAM na phasAyo ane meM doSita AhAra na lIdho eTale te khUba ja prasanna thayo. teNe mane mArI icchA na hovA chatAM AkAzagAminI vidyA ApI. bIjI parakAya - praveza - 341

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baMdhuo ! huM paNa eka divasa tamArA jevo ja nAno hato. kadAca tamArAthI paNa ghaNo nAno hato. chatAM meM dIkSAno saMkalpa karyo to e saMkalpa avazya phaLyo. tame paNa Avo koi zubha saMkalpa nAnI uMmaramAM ja karI lejo. tamAruM jIvana bIjA mATe AdarzarUpa banI raheze. ame nAnA chIe. amArA saMkalpamAM zI tAkAta hoya ? ema mAnIne besI rahetA nahIM. moTo vaDalo paNa eka nAnakaDA bI mAMthI ja Ugelo hoya che, e bhUlazo nahi. vakhatanI parIkSAmAM teNe mane vaikriya labdhi ApI. mane A labdhio maLelI hovA chatAM huM kadI mArA aMgata upayoga mATe teno prayoga karato nahIM. zAsana-prabhAvanAnA koi kAma AvI paDe tyAre ja prayoga karato. jema ke ekavAra uttara bhAratamAM dukALa paDyo tyAre huM samasta zrIsaMghane vidyAthI paTa (kapaDuM) para besADI dakSiNa bhAratanA purI nagaramAM lai gayelo tathA tyAMnA rAjAe jainone phUlo na maLe tevo anyAyabharyo kAyado banAvyo tyAre huM AkAzagAminI vidyAthI phUlo lAvelo. vadhu paDatI vidvattA, vadhu paDatI labdhi ke vadhu paDatuM rUpa kyAreka khataranAka paNa banI zake che. mArA jIvanamAM paNa Avo anubhava thayo che. mArI vidvattA, mAruM rU5, mArI labdhi vagerenI prazaMsA sAMbhaLIne rUmiNI nAmanI kanyA mArA para mohAi paDI. tenA pitAjI mArI pAse eka kroDa sonAmahora lai potAnI kanyA sAthe lagna karavAnuM kahevA AvyA. paNa huM na phasAyo. deva-gurunI kRpA mArA para varasatI hatI. huM bacI gayo. are... eTaluM ja nahi. rukimaNIne paNa meM bacAvI lIdhI. tene vairAgyamaya upadeza ApI sAdhvI banAvI. eka vakhate sAMje pratikramaNamAM vAMdaNA vakhate kAnamAM khoselo sUMThano gAMThiyo paDI jatAM huM stabdha banI gayo. mane zaradI thai hatI eTale meM suMTha maMgAvelI, paNa huM vAparavAnuM bhUlI gayo. mArA jIvanakALamAM huM kadI paNa koi cIja bhUlyo nathI, huM kadI bedhyAna, asAvadha ke mUcchita banyo nathI. paNa Aje Ama kema ? mArI jAgRti kyAM gai ? mane acAnaka ja khyAla Avyo ke have mAruM AyuSya alpa che. mAre aMtimakALanI ArAdhanA karI levI joie. meM rathAvarta parvata para jai anazana karyuM. mArI sAthe paNa aneka munioe anazana karyAM. eka bAlamunine meM nA pADelI chatAM teNe pAchaLathI AvIne karyuM. mArI hayAtI sudhI dasa pUrvanuM jJAna vidyamAna hatuM. huM chello dasapUrvI thayo. mArI pAse AvIne bhaNanAra AryarakSitajI jo ke khUba ja medhAvI hatA. chatAM 9mI pUrvamAM aTakI gayA. pUrA dasa pUrva bhaNI zakyA nahi. Atma kathAo * 342 parakAya - praveza * 343

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(48) huM manaka 'aya nabApA ! besa besa have. tArA bApanuM to kAMi ThekANuM nathI ne amArI sAme jIbhAjoDI kare che ? jA... tArI mAne pUchI Ava ke mAro bApa koNa che ? pachI amArI pAse vAta karaje.' sAta-ATha varSanI uMmare huM galIomAM ramato hato ne koi chokarAe mane AvI tIkhA tamatamatA veNa saMbhaLAvyA. mArA kAnamAM to jANe khIlA bhoMkAyA. huM to ramata paDatI mUkIne sIdho pahoMcyo mAnI pAse ane bolI UThyo : 'mA...! mA...! mArA pitAjI kyAM che ? koNa che ?' beTA ! tAre zuM kAma che ?' 'nahi... mA ! mAre kAma che.' mArI mAe zarUAtamAM AnAkAnI karI, paNa pachI sAcI vAta batAvatAM kahyuM : beTA ! tArA pitAjI mahAna karmakAMDI vidvAna brAhmaNa hatA. teo eka vakhate eka moTo yajJa karAvI rahyA hatA tyAre koi jaina munio AvelA ne temane bharamAvIne yajJa choDAvI bAvA banAvI dIdhA che. tuM peTamAM hato tyAre teo gayA che. pachIthI, Aja sudhI mane koi samAcAra nathI.' mArI mAe evI rIte varNana karyuM ke mane jaina munio tarapha ane pitA muni tarapha dhikkAra jAgI jAya. mArI mAnI paNa e ja icchA hatI ke koi rIte mAro dIkaro muni na banI jAya. paNa bhavitavyatA judI hatI. UlaTuM pitA munine maLavAnI mArI hoMza khUba ja vadhI gai. huM to pitA muninI zodhamAM nIkaLI paDyo. yogAnuyoga evuM banyuM ke je gAmamAM mArA pitA muni hatA te ja gAmamAM huM jai caDyo. huM gAmamAM praveza karato hato tyAre ja mane eka muni maLyA. jo ke teo mArA pitA ja hatA, paNa mane tyAre khabara nhotI. tyAre ja nahi, mane jIvanabhara e khabara na paDI ke kharekhara e mArA pitAjI che. sAme maLelA munie mane bhAre premathI bolAvyo. temane joine mane paNa bhAre sneha UbharAyo. temaNe mane pUchyuM : vatsa ! tuM koNa che ? kema Avyo che ? ahIM konuM kAma che ? Atma kathAo * 344 meM kahyuM : mAruM nAma manaka che. huM mArA pitAnI zodhamAM Avyo chuM. meM sAMbhaLyuM che ke mArA pitA zrI zayyabhava bhaTTe jabaradasta kriyAkAMDI brAhmaNa hatA. eka vakhate yajJa karAvI rahyA hatA tyAre be jaina munioe emane kahyuM : "ao chuM ane chuM, tattva na sAyate param / " jaina munio kadI khoTuM bole nahi - evI mAnyatAthI prerAine mArA pitAe yajJanA purohitone pUchyuM : 'sAcuM bolo... AmAM tattva zuM che ?' 'yaza e ja tattva che. yajJa karanArane svarga vagerenAM sukho maLe che A ja enuM rahasya che.' purohitono Avo javAba sAMbhaLIne mArA pitAe talavAra kheMcIne gussAthI lAlacoLa banIne kahyuM : paMDyAo ! sAcuM batAvo... nahitara A talavArathI tamArA DokA kapAyA samajo. zuM rahasya che ahIM ? talavAra joine ThaMDAgAra banelA eka paMDyAe yajJanA thAMbhalA nIcethI zAMtinAtha bhagavAnanI pratimA batAvIne kahyuM : rahasya A che. AnA prabhAvathI badhuM cAle che. satya vAta samajAtAM tarata ja mArA pitAe jUThA yajJono tyAga karI jaina dIkSA svIkArI. ATha-ATha varSanA vahANAM e vAtane vahI gayA che, paNa Aja sudhI mArA pitAjInA koi samAcAra nathI. loko evI vAto kare che ke zayyabhava muni to mahAna AcArya banI gayA che. to huM emanI tapAsa karavA Avyo chuM. mArI vAta sAMbhaLIne e munie mArI pITha para vAtsalyabharyo hAtha pheravyo ne kahyuM : 'vatsa ! e zayyabhava mane ja samajI lene ! cAla mArI sAthe upAzrayamAM. 'huM temanI sAthe upAzrayamAM gayo. mArI dhAmadhUmathI dIkSA thai. dIkSA pachI mArA pitA munie joyuM ke mAruM AyuSya cha ja mahinAnuM che. ATalA nAnA paryAyamAM dariyA jeTaluM jaina zAsananuM jJAna zI rIte ApavuM ? AthI pUrvomAMthI uddhAra karI munijIvananI AcAra saMhitA samI 'dazavaikAlika' nAmanI dasa adhyayananI nAnakaDI kRti banAvI. huM e dazavaikAlikano prathama adhyetA banyo. cha mahinAmAM meM mArA AtmAne jIvo paranI parama karuNAnA rasathI raMgI nAkhyo. muni-jIvananA AcArane rageragamAM vaNI nAkhyo. cha mahinA pachI jyAre mAruM samAdhibharyuM mRtyu thayuM tyAre mArA pitA muninI AMkhamAM AMsu UbharAyA. bIjA munioe pUchyuM : gurudeva ! ApanI AMkhomAM AMsu kema ? moTA-moTA ApanA parama parakAya - praveza - 345

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(49) huM abhaya , bhakta ziSyo kALadharma pAmyA chatAM ApanI AMkhamAM AMsu ame nathI joyA. jyAre Aje eka cha mAsanA paryAyavALA bALa muninA svargavAsa samaye AMsu kema ? tyAre mArA pitA munie prathama vakhata jaNAvatAM kahyuM : 'mahAtmAo ! e manaka muni mArA saMsArIpaNe putra hatA.' are... gurudeva! Ape amane A vAta pahelA zA mATe na kahI ? amane temanI sevAno lAbha maLata ne ?" "evI sevA e kharekhara sevA na kahevAya, paNa khuzAmata kahevAya. tame jyAre jANI jAva ke A AcAryazrIno saMsArI putra che, emanI sevA karIzuM to AcAryazrI rAjI thaze, tyAre tamArI e sevA khuzAmata banI rahe che. vaLI, bIjI mahattvanI e vAta ke jo tame tenI sevAmAM lAgI jAva to manaka munine zuM lAbha maLe ? e to eza-ArAmI ja banI jAya ne ? mAre enA zarIranuM nahi, paraMtu AtmAnuM hita karavuM hatuM. mATe ja meM ATalA divasa sudhI tamane A vAta jaNAvI hatI. enA mATe banAveluM dazavaikAlika sUtra have huM sameTI levA mAMguM chuM.' 'nA... nA... gurudeva ! evuM nA karazo. bhaviSyamAM A to khUba ja kAma lAgaze. amArA mATe have e ema ja rahevA do. ziSyonI vinaMtI svIkArI gurudeve e dazavaikAlika sUtra rahevA dIdhuM. pahelAM munio prathama AcArAMga sUtrano abhyAsa karatA tyAra pachI vaDI dIkSA thatI, paNa tyArathI dazavaikAlika sUtrano abhyAsa thavA lAgyo. Ama, mArA nimitte baneluM dazavaikAlika jaina zAsanamAM amara sarjana banI gayuM, je pAMcamA ArAnA cheDA sudhI rahevAnuM ! baMdhuo ! mArA jevA nAnI uMmaravALA alpaparyAyavALAnuM jaina zAsanamAM kyAMya sthAna hoi zake ? paNa zAsanano prabhAva to juo. mahApuruSoe mArA nAmane bharakhesaranI sajajhAyamAM goThavI daine mane amara banAvI dIdho ! "udAyago maNago." tame bolo cho ? "maNago te huM pote ja ! kharekhara jo mane jaina zAsana na maLyuM hota to mAruM jIvana eLe ja gayuM hota ! mane koi yAda paNa na karatuM hota. bALako ! maLelA jaina zAsanane ane sadgurune barAbara vaLagI rahejo. kAma thai jaze. ATha varSanI uMmara sudhI to mane khabara ja hotI ke mArA pitA koNa ? huM to mArA nAnAne ja pitA samajato hato. A to ramatamAM mane koie "nabApAnuM maheNuM mAryuM ne meM mArI mAne pUchayuM eTale khyAla Avyo ke mArA pitAjI to koI bIjA ja che. mArI mAtAnuM nAma naMdA ! tene meM pUchyuM tyAre teNIe kahyuM : ATha varSa pahelAM mArA lagna mArA pitAjIe koi ajANyA paradezI yuvaka sAthe karelA. teo ahIM thoDoka samaya rahI koi UMTavALA bolAvavA AvelA tyAre cAlyA gayA che. pachI Aja sudhI koi samAcAra nathI. jyAre teo gayelA tyAre tuM peTamAM hato. tethI tane emano khyAla kyAMthI hoya? hA... eka A cIThI ApI gayA che. tuM vAMca. temAM kAMika lakhyuM che kharUM. meM cIThI vAMcI. temAM lakheluM hatuM : "rA nAde gopAtA vayam' bIjo koI hoya to ema ja samaje ke A koi rAjagRhano govALa haze, paNa huM to samajI gayo ke mArA pitAjI govALa nahi, paNa rAjA che.. 'gopAla'no artha rAjA paNa thAya. 'go' eTale pRthvI. 'pAla' eTale pALanAra. pRthvIno pAlaka rAjA ja hoya ne ? huM to mArI mAne laine, nAnAnA AzIrvAda laine, rAjagRha tarapha javA upaDyo. bennAtaTathI avirata prayANa karatAM keTalAka samaya pachI huM rAjagRhI pahoMcyo. mane thayuM ke emane ema mAne tyAM lai javI sArI nahi. pahelAM huM nagaramAM jAuM. joUM... ane pachI mAtAne lai jAuM. mArI mAtAne huM bagIcAmAM mUkI rAjagRha tarapha javA lAgyo tyAM rastAmAM ja meM mANasonuM ToLuM joyuM. huM te tarapha gayo. koi mANasane meM pUchyuM : A zuM che ? ATalo kolAhala zAno che ? tyAre teNe kahyuM : zreNika rAjAne cAraso navvANuM maMtrIo che. paNa have te te sauno netA, tIkSNa buddhizALI maMtrI zodhe che. pAMcasomo tevo koi buddhizALI maMtrI maLI jAya mATe rAjAe jAhera parIkSAno upakrama karyo che. meM pUchyuM : kaI parakAya - praveza * 347 Atma kathAo * 346

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jAtanI parIkSA che ? teNe kahyuM : huM e ja jaNAvuM chuM. eka UMDA khAlI kUvAmAM vIMTI nAkhIne jAherAta karI che ke je kUvAnA kinAre Ubho rahI aMdara rahelI vIMTIne bahAra kADhaze tene mukhya maMtrI banAvavAmAM Avaze. AthI A lokonuM ToLuM ekaThuM thayuM che. badhA kalpanAnA ghoDA doDAve che, buddhi lagAve che, paNa koinA prayatno haju sudhI saphaLa thayA nathI. A sAMbhaLIne mArA manamAM vicAra-vIjaLI jhabUkI : A taka sArI che. mAre e jhaDapI levI joie. mArI buddhinI camaka batAvavAnI A abhuta take che. mANasa yogya taka meLavavA mATe ghaNI mahenata kare che, paNa jyAre taka sAmethI AvI caDe che tyAre te hataprabha banI jAya che. pachI phariyAda karato rahe che : zuM karIe ? amArA jIvanamAM sArI take maLI nahi. nahi to ame paNa jIvanamAM 'kAMika' karI batAvata. mArI dRSTie mANasanI A phariyAda sAva ja khoTI che. tamArAmAM jo yogyatA hoya to aneka tako tamArI sAme ja paDI che. tako to kSaNe-kSaNe mANasane pUchI rahI che : huM to tamane mAruM sarvasva ApI devA taiyAra chuM. bolo, tamArI taiyArI keTalI che ? paNa mANasanI A nabaLAi che ke e potAnA doSo ke potAnI ayogyatA joto nathI, paNa bIjA para doSano Topalo DhoLI svayaM "nirdoSa' che ema kahevA mathato hoya che. meM A taka jhaDapI levAno nirNaya karyo. pelA bujhargane kahyuM : oha! emAM kai moTI vAta che ? huM hamaNAM ja jAuM ane kUvAmAMthI vIMTI bahAra kADhI batAvuM. mArI vAta sAMbhaLatAM ja e bhAi hasI paDyo. mAtra e mANasa ja nahi, Aju-bAjunuM ToLuM paNa hasI paDyuM. badhA ekI-sAthe bolI UThyA : alyA TeNIyA ! moTA moTA kherakhAMoe paNa jyAM hAtha dhoi nAkhyA tyAM tuM zuM karavAno ? tArI UMmara keTalI ? tArI akkala keTalI ? tAro anubhava zuM ? tArA karatAM dazagaNI dIvALIo jonArA paNa dhULa cATatA thai gayA che. mATe zAMtithI badhuM joyA kara. maherabAnI karIne DahApaNa DoLIne tArI akkalanuM pradarzana karIza nahi. nAhaka tArI phajetI thaze. tArI phajetI thAya evuM ame icchatA nathI. huM to ToLAnI vAtano koi ja javAba ApyA vinA AtmavizvAsapUrvaka AgaLa vadhyo. Atma kathAo * 348 rastAmAM bIjA paNa ghaNA-ghaNA mANasoe lagabhaga AvI ja salAha ApI. sAce ja 'ToLuM' kadI e svIkAravA taiyAra hotuM nathI ke amArAthI koi AgaLa vadhI jAya. ToLuM moTA bhAge eka sarakhI rIte vicAravAne TevAyeluM hoya che. te eka ja ghareDanA vicArothI baMdhAyeluM hoya che. e kadI evI kalpanA paNa karI zakatuM nathI ke AnAthI judI rIte paNa vicAra karI zakAya. samasyAno ukela ApaNe vicArIe chIe enA karatAM bIjI rIte paNa thai zake. ApaNAthI nAnI UMmaravALA paNa Ano rasto zodhI zake. AvA koi ja vicAro ToLAne AvatA nathI. AvA ToLAne gaNakAre te kadI paNa upara UThI zakato nathI. paNa huM ToLAnI AvI khAsiyato jANato hato. mAre ToLAthI upara UThIne mArI svataMtra pratibhAnAM darzana karAvavA hatA. huM to TheTha rAjAnI pAse jai pahoMcyo. meM kUvAmAMthI vIMTI kADhI ApavAnI vAta karI. zarUmAM to rAjA ane AjubAjunA badhA ja lokoe mArI vAta hasI kADhI, paNa pachI rAjAne thayuM H jovA to do... A chokaro zuM kare che? ghaNIvAra keTalAka nAnA bALakonI tIkSNa buddhi moTAone paNa herata pamADe tevI hoya che. kadAca A chokaro saphaLa na paNa thAya. paNa tethI zuM thayuM ? ghaNA moTAo paNa niSphaLa gayA che ! rAjAnI kRpAthI mane "cAnsa" maLyo. meM rAjAne kahyuM : rAjanuM ! mAre AnA mATe je je cIjo joie te lAvavAno prabaMdha Ape karavo paDaze. chANa, ghAsano pULo ane pANI - A vastuo mArI pAse hAjara karo. huM thoDIvAramAM vIMTI kADhI ApuM. rAjAnA hukamathI badhI vastuo hAjara thai gai. badhA mANaso mane Azcaryacakita nayane joi rahyA hatA. meM mAro prayoga zarU karyo. chANano lodo banAvI meM kUvAmAM rahelI vIMTI para pheMkyo. vIMTI temAM coMTI gai. pachI ghAsano pULo eka tarapha saLagAvI meM tenA para pheMkyo. tenI garamIthI bhInuM chANa sUkAI gayuM. pachI meM kUvAne pANIthI bharavAnuM kahyuM. rAjAnA hukamathI kUvo tarata ja pANIthI bharAi gayo. peluM chANa pANInI sapATI para AvI gayuM. tenI sAthe coMTelI vIMTI paNa upara AvI gai. pANImAMthI te kADhIne meM rAjAne ApI. rAjA parakAya - praveza * 349

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harSathI gagada banI gayA. mArA para temano sneha varSo paDyo. mane temaNe vAtsalyathI navaDAvI dIdho. jyAre temane khabara paDI ke huM temano putra ja chuM tyAre temanA AnaMdanuM to pUchavuM ja zuM ? mArI mA naMdAnuM pUchyuM tyAre meM jaNAvyuM ke te nagara bahAra bagIcAmAM che. rAjA mArI bAne levA gayA. huM agAu mArI bA pAse pahoMcI gayo. badhA samAcAra ApyA. mArI mA AnaMdathI jhUmI UThI. navA kapaDAM ghareNAM vagere paheravA te taiyArI karavA lAgI. tyAre meM kahyuM : mA ! utAvaLa nA kara. hamaNAM zaNagAra sajavAnuM rahevA de. patinA virahamAM kulIna strIo zaNagAra vinAnI ja rahe che. to tuM pahelAM je rIte rahetI hatI te ja rIte rahe. jethI koi zaMkAnuM kAraNa nA rahe. mAe mArI vAta mAnI. mArA pitA zreNike harSapUrvaka amAruM svAgata karyuM ane potAnA AvAse lai gayA. tyArathI huM pitAnI sevAmAM rahevA lAgyo. UMmaramAM huM nAno chatAM badhA mArI salAha letA. moTA thaine meM buddhinA prabhAvathI ghaNIvAra rAjyarakSA karI che tathA dharmanI prabhAvanA paNa karI che. | mArI jIvananA keTalAMka prasaMgo saMkSepathI tamane kahuM ? tamane khUba ja AnaMda thaze. ekavAra koi kaThiyArAe sudharmAsvAmInI pAse dIkSA lIdhI. tyAre nagaranA loko niMdA karavA lAgyA : joyuM ? na maLI nArI ne bAvA thayA brahmacArI ! kaThiyArA pAse hatuM ja zuM ? AvA bhikhArIone zuM dIkSA ApatA haze ? jaina dharmanI niMdA thatI joi sudharmAsvAmI vihAranI taiyArI karavA lAgyA. mane khabara paDatAM meM aTakAvyA ane lokaniMdA dUra karavAnuM vacana ApyuM. pachI motInA moTA traNa DhagalA bajAra vacce mUkAvI lokone maphatamAM levA kahyuM. paNa zarata e mUkI ke motI lenAra strI, agni ke kAcA pANIno sparza karI zakaze nahi. AthI koi levA taiyAra na thayuM. tyAre meM kahyuM : kaThiyArA muni A traNe zaratanuM pAlana kare che, chatAM motI levA nathI AvyA. bolo, teo tyAgI kharA ke nahi ? loko samajI gayA. niMdA baMdha thai gai. mahArAjano vihAra aTakI gayo. ekavAra sabhAmAM mAMsa sastuM che evI carcA cAlI. tyAre huM samasamI UThyo. meM e badhAne sabaka bhaNAvavAnuM nakkI karyuM. bIje divase rAtre AvI carcA karanArAonA ghera jaine meM kahyuM: 'mahArAjA zreNika atyaMta bimAra che. vaidoe kahyuM che ke mANasanA kalejAnuM mAMsa tAtkAlika ApavAmAM Ave to ja bacI zakaze. to e mATe tamArI pAse Avyo chuM. tame mahArAjAnA vaphAdAra sevaka cho eTale kALajAnuM mAMsa ApavAmAM jarAya acakAzo nahi evo vizvAsa che. mArI A vAta sAMbhaLI pelo to DaghAI ja gayo. DaghAi ja jAya ne ? maryA vinA kalejAnuM mAMsa zI rIte ApI zakAya ? na ApIe to rAjA taraphanI vaphAdArI paNa zI rIte kahevAya ? teNe dhIrekathI mArA gajavAmAM sonAmahoro sarakAvatAM kahyuM : maMtrIvara ! huM lAcAra chuM. A sonAmahoro lo ane A kAma mATe bIje padhAro. mArI apekSA pramANe ja badhuM thayuM eTale mane kAMi Azcarya na thayuM. e rIte huM carcA karanArA badhA mAMsalolupIonA ghare gayo. badhAe mane sonAmahoro ApI, paNa kALajAnuM mAMsa ApavA koi taiyAra nA thayuM. bIjA divase rAjAnI hAjarImAM jyAre mAMsanI vAta meM kADhI tyAre badhA zaramIdA thai gayA. meM saune samajAvyuM ke mAMsa sastu che, paNa bIjAnuM. potAnuM mAMsa to moMghuM che, moMghuM ja nahi, paNa mahAmoMghuM che. to baMdhuo ! bIjA jIvonI paNa ApaNA jevI ja hAlata hoya che. jo ApaNAmAM thoDI paNa saMvedanazIlatA bacI hoya to satvare mAMsa choDI devuM joie. mArI preraNAthI temaNe mAMsAhArano tyAga karyo. evuM nathI ke huM kadI ThagAyo nathI. ghaNIvAra huM chetarAyo paNa chuM; alabatta dharmanA oThA heThaLa, eka prasaMga tamane kahuM. urjanano caMDapradyota rAjA eka vakhate moTuM lazkara lai amArI nagarI para caDAi karavA mATe Avelo. meM evI yukti lagAvI ke tene yuddha karyA vinA bhAgavuM paDyuM. pachIthI banAvaTanI khabara paDatAM be vezyAone zrAvikAnA svAMgamAM mokalAvI mane jIvato pakaDyo. pachI to meM paNa caMDapradyotane badhAnI vacce lai javAnI pratijJA karI ane te karI paNa batAvyuM. mArA saMsargamAM AvanAra ghaNA AtmAono uddhAra paNa thayo che. parakAya - praveza * 351 Atma kathAo * 350

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anAryadezamAM rahelA eka Adraka nAmanA rAjakumAre mArI sAthe dostI bAMdhavA mArA para sAruM bheTachuM mokalyuM. meM tene dharma mArge vALavA prabhunI mUrti mokalI. tene joi jAtismaraNa jJAna pAmI, AryadezamAM AvI te jaina muni banyo ane AtmakalyANa sAdhyuM. kasAi ane khUMkhAra coranA putro paNa mArA saMsargathI dharmamArge vaLyA che. kALiyA kasAino putra sulasa, mArI ja preraNAthI sanmArge vaLyo hato ane pitAno khATakIno dhaMdho teNe svIkAryo nhoto. pelA rohiNiyA coranI vAta to tame sAMbhaLI ja haze ? enA pitA lohakhure zrI mahAvIradevanI dezanA nahi sAMbhaLavAnI tene pratijJA karAvI hatI. eka vakhate te pakaDAyo. meM tenI pAsethI guno kabUlAvavA devalokanI mAyA UbhI karI, paNa te phasAyo nahi. kyAMthI phasAya ? teNe mahAvIradevanI dezanAnA keTalAka vAkyo sAMbhaLyA hatA. sAMbhaLyA nhotA, paNa saMbhaLAi gayA hatA. anicchAe paNa dezanA sAMbhaLavAthI prANa bacatA hoya to emanuM zaraNuM svIkAravAthI zuM na maLe ? A vicAre teNe dIkSA lIdhI. huM tenA caraNe DhaLI paDyo. meM jyArathI prabhunA mukhe sAMbhaLeluM ke aMtima rAjarSi udayana banavAnA che, tyArathI meM dIkSA levAno nirNaya karyo hato. kAraNa ke huM jANato hato ke rAjA jo rAjagAdIno tyAga na kare to prAyaH narake jAya. rAjesarI narakesarI ! paNa mArA pitA koi hisAbe rajA ApatA hotA. teo magadhanI gAdI mane soMpavA mAMgatA hatA. eka vakhate meM evuM kAma karyuM ke tenAthI gusse thai barADI UThyA : jA... tuM mArA gharamAMthI bahAra nIkaLI jA. mAre to ATaluM ja joituM hatuM. huM bhagavAna pAse pahoMcI muni banI gayo. jo ke, pachIthI mArA pitAne khabara paDI ane mane bolAvavA AvyA, paNa have huM ghare jAuM ? jagatanuM sarvotkRSTa sAmrAjya zramaNapaNuM prApta karI huM dhanya banI gayo hato. baMdhuo ! mArI buddhi, mArI pragati vagere joine tamane thayuM haze ? Atma kathAo * 352 AvI buddhi zI rIte maLI ? AvI pragati zI rIte thAya ? mArI buddhi ane mArA Atma-vikAsanuM mULa batAvuM ? enA mATe mAre pUrvabhava batAvavo paDaze. kAraNa ke A bhavanuM sAruM ke mAThuM pUrvabhavanI ApaNI ja karaNInuM phaLa che. mArI pUrvabhavanI vAta sAMbhaLI tame coMkI UThazo. heM.. ? Avo gamAra mANasa paNa pragati sAdhI zake ? pUrvabhavamAM huM eka garIba... nA... garIba ja nahi, huM bhikhArI chokaro hato. mane bhIkha mAMgato joi eka zeThane dayA AvI. mane kahyuM : huM dararoja bhagavAnanA maMdiramAM pUjA karavA jAuM chuM. tuM mArA phUlo lai Avaje. A kAma badala huM tane eka mANo anAja ApIza. meM A kAma karavA mAMDyuM. eka divasa mane paNa pUjA karavAnA bhAva jAgyA. meM mArA paisAthI kharIdelA phUlothI bhagavAnanI pUjA karI. mane apAra AnaMda Avyo. tyAMthI mRtyu pAmIne huM mahArAjA zreNikano putra abhaya banyo. mArI buddhinAM mULa prabhu-pUjAmAM paDelA che, e bhUlazo nahi. prabhubhaktithI maLanArI buddhi nirmaLa hoya che. nirmaLa buddhi kadI paNa akAryanA mArge doratI nathI. Aje paNa tame loko "abhayakumAra jevI buddhi hojo' ema lakho cho te zA mATe ? buddhi to ghaNAyamAM hoya che, paNa buddhi sAthe zuddhi hoya to ja tAraka bane, anyathA mAraka bane. parakAya - praveza * 353

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(pa) huM saMgama li mane kakaDIne bhUkha lAgI hatI. mArI mAe mArA mATe suMdara svAdiSTa khIra banAvI hatI. hA... e khIra mATe meM mA pAse mAMgaNI karelI. tahevAranA divase badhA loko khIra khAya ane huM rahI jAuM... e zuM cAle? meM to mA pAse haTha ja pakaDI : mAre khIra joie ne joie ja ! mArI AgrahapUrvakanI mAMgaNI joi mAnI AMkhamAM jhaLahaLiyAM AvI gayA. e raDI UThI. paNa mArA hRdayanI vAta samajI zakuM evI mArAmAM kyAM samaja hatI ? huM to nAdAna hato. mArI mA potAnI kaDhaMgI sthiti para raDI paDI : arere ! A bicAro mAro nAnakaDo lAla ! mArI kALajAnI kora ! mArI pAse khIra mAMge che. ene kyAM khabara che ke A tArI mA tane roTalA paNa mAMDa khavaDAvI zake che tyAM khIra kyAMthI lAve ? Ama vicAratI mArI mA raDI rahI hatI. tenA rudanathI pIgaLelI pADozaNoe khIra banAvavAnI dUdha, ghI, sAkara vagere vastuo ApI. AthI mArI mA khIra banAvI zakI. khIra banAvI mane thALImAM pIrasI te bahAra gai. khIra khUba ja garama hatI. ThaMDI thAya tenI huM vATa joi rahyo hato. acAnaka ja mane vicAra Avyo : zuM huM A khIra koine khavaDAvyA vinA khAiza ? zuM huM ekalapaTo banIza ? re, kAgaDA paNa potAnA jAta bhAione bolAvIne khAya che ? huM kAgaDAthI paNa hIna ? huM AvA vicAromAM khovAyelo hato tyAM ja "dharmalAbha" zabda saMbhaLAyo. huM AnaMdathI nAcI UThyo. mAre je joItuM hatuM te sAmethI maLyuM hatuM. eka mahinAnA upavAsI koi jaina muni mAre tyAM vahoravA mATe AvyA hatA. mAruM roma-roma nAcI UThya : oha ! Aje mArA AMgaNe kalpataru Ugyo. mAre ghera kAmadhenu AvI. mArA hAthamAM ciMtAmaNI ratna AvyuM. huM AnaMdanA niravadhi sAgaramAM snAna karI rahyo hato. tapasvI munine UchaLatA haiye khIra vahorAvI. munizrI nA pADatA rahyA, paNa meM to AkhI Atma kathAo * 354 thALI ThAlavI dIdhI. | muni jatA rahyA. khAlI thALI huM cATato hato. mArI mAe A joyuM : bicAro ! keTalo bhUkhyo che ! haju dharAyo nathI. khAlI thALI paNa cATe che. mane kahyuM : dIkarA ! bIjI khIra ApuM ? meM kahyuM : nA... have jarUra nathI. meM dharAi javAno DoLa karyo. paNa mA kone kahevAya? teNe mane bIjI khIra pIrasI. meM khAdhI. jiMdagImAM khIra pahelI ja vAra khAdhI hovAthI mAruM peTa TevAyeluM nahotuM. thoDIvAramAM mane peTamAM sakhata duHkhAvo upaDyo. vaido jene vizucikA kahe che e rogathI huM gherAyo. mane atyaMta pIDA thavA lAgI. mArI AyuSyanI dorI tUTatI jaNAI. meM pelA munivarane manomana yAda karavA mAMDyA. dAnadharmanI khUba khUba anumodanA karI. peTamAM vedanA ane manamAM vaMdanA cAlu rahI. vedanA ane vaMdanA vacce mArA prANa cAlyA gayA. huM mRtyu pAmIne gobhadra zeThanA putra tarIke janmyo. dAna dharmanA prabhAvathI mane vipula samRddhi maLI. mAre tyAM dararoja 99 peTI devalokathI AvatI hatI. have to tame mane oLakhI ja gayA hazo ? kahI batAvazo : huM koNa ? huM zAlibhadra ! parakAya - praveza * 355

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(51) huM subhaga huM gheTAM-bakarAM carAvanAra bharavADano dIkaro subhaga ! jo ke - subhaga kaho to mane koi na oLakhe, paNa 'sobho' kaho to badhA oLakhe. paisA vagaranA ama bharavADone 'subhaga' koNa kahe ? bhale... koi na kahe, chatAM huM eka vakhate sAcA arthamAM 'subhaga' (bhAgyazALI) banI gayo hato. vAta ema banelI ke jaMgalamAM huM gheTAM-bakarAM carAvato hato tyAM mArI najara eka jaina muni para paDI. gheghUra vRkSa nIce e muni zAMtaprazAMta mudrAmAM UbhA hatA. temanA tarapha svAbhAvika rIte ja huM kheMcAyo. huM temanI pAse gayo. hAtha joDIne praNAma karyA, paNa A zuM? munivara to "namo arihaMtANaM' bolIne AkAzamAM UDI gayA. kAyotsarga pAratI vakhate 'namo arihaMtANaM' bolavAnI vidhi hoya che. paNa huM samajyo ke "namo arihaMtANaM' koi AkAzamAM UDavAno maMtra che. mane maMtramAM tyAre bahu zraddhA. AkAzamAM UDavAnAM svapna huM bahu sevato. paMkhInI jema mane paNa pAMkha maLI jAya to huM ya nIla gaganamAM UDuM re ! mAnava karatAM to paMkhIDA sArA, kevA muktapaNe AkAzamAM UDe che ! kAza ! mane jo koi pAMkha maLI jAya, koi maMtra maLI jAya ! koi vimAna maLI jAya ! Aje have mane mAro manoratha siddha thato lAgyo. AkAzamAM UDavAno maMtra maLI gayo. huM rAta-divasa ene japavA lAgyo. eka divasa mArA zeThe A sAMbhaLyuM. temaNe pUchyuM: 'alyA ! sobhA ! tuM A zuM gAma bhaNI pAcho vaLyo tyAre nadI pAse huM aTakI gayo. kAraNa ke nadImAM bhayaMkara pUra AvyuM hatuM. kSaNavAra huM Ubho rahI gayo. meM vicAryuM : are... have mAre nadInA pUrathI zA mATe gabharAvuM joie ? mArI pAse to AkAzamAM UDavAno maMtra che. AkAzamAM UDI zakAya to nadIthI zuM DaravuM? huM UMcI bhekhaDa para caDyo ane tyAMthI jorathI 'namo arihaMtANaM bolIne nadImAM jhaMpalAvyuM. AkAzamAM UDavAne badale huM to nadImAM ja paDyo. UMDA kaLaNamAM khUMpI gayo. eka tIkSNa dhAravALuM lAkaDuM mArA peTamAM khuMpI gayuM... mArA prANa tIvra vedanA sAthe taraphaDavA lAgyA. paNa toya 'namo arihaMtANaM'no jApa meM choDyo nahi. arere ! kyAM mArA bhoga lAgyA ke A jApanI balAmAM huM phasAi gayo ? UDavA gayo AkAzamAM paNa paDyo pANImAM. adhUrAmAM pUruM lAkaDAthI vIMdhAi gayo. A maMtre to mane Thagyo. mane mAryo. AvA koi ja vicAra mane na AvyA. huM to parama zraddhAthI e jApa evI vedanAmAM paNa japato ja rahyo. navakAra maMtranA prabhAvathI huM marIne sudarzana zeTha banyo. niSkalaMka zIlanA svAmI sudarzana zeThane koNa nathI oLakhatuM? baMdhuo ! artha na jANavA chatAM navakAranA jApanI keTalI tAkAta che te joyuM ne ? tame paNa dararoja navakAranI eka mALA gaNajo hoM ! mArI jema tamAruM paNa kAma thai jaze. 'AkAzamAM UDavAno maMtra japuM chuM. meM sahajabhAve javAba Apyo. 'alyA ! AnAthI mAtra AkAzamAM ja nahi, paNa cauda rAjalokanI Toce siddhazilAmAM paNa jai zakAya. mArI pAse Ava. huM tane Akho maMtra ApuM... ne huM zeThajI pAsethI Akho maMtra zIkhyo ane rAta-divasa gaNavA lAgyo. eka divasa huM jaMgalamAM gayelo tyAre dhodhamAra varasAda paDyo. Atma kathAo * 356 parakAya - praveza * 357

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- (pa) huM devapAla ti nAma to hatuM mAruM devapAla, paNa mane devapAla koNa kahe ? mane to badhA 'devalo' kahetA. huM bharavADano dIkaro kharone ? zeThanI gAyobheMso carAvavAnuM mAruM kAma ! tame mAruM jIvana jANazo to navAI pAmazo ke bharavADano dIkaro paNa keTalI pragati karI zake che ! jaMgalamAM huM Dhora carAvavA gayelo tyAre eka vakhate meM nadInI eka bhekhaDa, jeno keTaloka bhAga tAjetaramAM pANInA pravAhathI taNAi gayo hato, tyAM meM eka pratimA joi. mane yAda AvyuM : are, A to e ja pratimA jene mArA zeTha dararoja pUje che. mane e pratimA joi apAra AnaMda thayo. meM nakkI karyuM : A ja mArA bhagavAna ! A bhagavAnanA darzana karyA pahelAM huM kadI moMmAM anna-pANI nahi nAkhuM. huM ananya AsthAthI A pratijJAnuM pAlana karavA lAgyo. eka vakhate dhodhamAra varasAda paDyo. huM bahAra jai zakyo nahi. te divase kAMi ja khAMdhu-pIdhuM nahi. nadInI te pratimAnA darzana karyA vinA zI rIte khavAya ? bAdhA eTale bAdhA ! bIjA divase varasAda aTake tenI rAha joi. paNa muzaLadhAra varasAda to jANe AkAza phADIne varasato hato. baMdha thAya tevA koi eMdhANa dekhAtA hotA. satata sAta divasa sudhI varasAda cAlu rahyo. paNa meM na khAdhuM te na ja khAdhuM. sAta divasa covihAra upavAsa karyA. AThamAM divase jyAre AkAza nirabhra banyuM, varasAda zAMta thayo tyAre huM prabhu-darzanArthe nIkaLyo. mArA roma-romamAM AdinAtha... AdinAtha... nuM guMjana hatuM. prabhunA darzana thatAM ja mArI AMkhomAMthI azrudhArA cAlI. meM bhAvapUrvaka bhakti karI. acAnaka ja mArI AMkho tejathI aMjAi gai. tejanA paMjamAM meM eka devIne joi. huM kAMi boluM te pahelAM ja te bolI : o devapAla ! tArI parIkSA mATe ja meM sAta divasa varasAda varasAvyo hato. huM Atma kathAo * 358 AdinAtha bhagavAnanI sevikA cakrezvarI devI chuM. tArI prabhu-bhaktinI niSThAthI huM khuza thai chuM. devapAla ! mArI pAsethI tAre je mAMgavuM hoya te mAMgI le. paNa mAre kyAM kAMi mAMgavuM hatuM ? prabhu-darzanamAM ja mane eTalo AnaMda Avyo hato ke AkhuM jagata mane tuccha lAgatuM hatuM. A AnaMdathI bIjuM vadhu joie zuM ? meM to niHspRha bhAve kahI dIdhuM : mAre kazuM ja joituM nathI. huM bhagavAnanI bhaktine veMcavA nathI mAMgato. basa... bhaktimAM ja mAruM citta rahe - e ja icchuM chuM. mArI AvI nispRhatAthI devI vadhu khuza thai. te bolI : "devapAla ! amogha devadarzanam" devanA darzana kadI niSphaLa jatA nathI. tuM bhale kAMi na mAMge, paNa huM tane ApyA vinA kema rahI zakuM ? huM tane varadAna ApuM chuM ke tuM sAta divasamAM rAjA banIza. rAjA banyA pachI paNa huM tane jarUra paDaze tyAre sahAya karIza.' huM kAMi javAba ApuM tyAM ja ATaluM kahIne devI adRzya thai gai. prabhu-bhaktino pratyakSa prabhAva huM stabdha thaIne joI rahyo. pachI to huM sAta divasamAM rAjA banyo. mArI AjJA jyAre koi svIkAravA taiyAra hotuM tyAre devIe mane madada karI ane mAro prabhAva joi badhA mArI AjJA mastake caDAvavA lAgyA. mAruM rAjya vyavasthita cAlavA lAgyuM. paNa rAjyamAM huM kadI Asakta na banyo. huM to vadhu ne vadhu bhagavAnanI bhakti karavA lAgyo. kAraNa ke mane samajAI gayuM hatuM ke badhI samRddhi (bAhya ke AtyaMtara)nuM mULa prabhunI bhakti ja che. rAjaya sattA mArI pAse hovAthI meM sarvatra bhagavAnanA maMdiro banAvyA. khUba ja zAsananI prabhAvanA karI. arihaMtanI bhaktinA prabhAvathI meM tIrthakara nAmakarma bAMdhyuM. baMdhuo ! tIrthaMkara nAmakarma eTale zuM te tame jANo cho ? tIrthaMkara nAmakarma eTale evuM karma, jenA udayathI arihaMta banAya. hA... huM paNa eka divase arihaMta banIza, bhagavAna banIza. bhaktinI evI zakti che ke e tamane bhagavAna banAvI de. baMdhuo ! mArA jevA bharavADane paNa bhagavAnamAM rUpAMtarita karatI prabhu-bhaktine kadI choDazo nahi. parakAya - praveza359

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(pa8) huM hemacandra mArI mA sAthe huM upAzrayamAM gurudevanA darzanArthe gayo. mArI uMmara to pAMca ja varSanI hatI. mane to e paNa khabara nahi ke guruvaMdana eTale zuM ? mArI mA gurudevane vaMdana karatI rahI ne huM to bAjunI pATa para siMhanI adAthI caDI beTho. mArI mAe bUma pADI : alyA ! cAMgA ! tuM kyAM gayo ? kyAM chUpAi gayo ? paNa huM to cUpa ja rahyo. mAe Ama-tema najara ghumAvI ne mane zodhI kADhyo ne kahevA lAgI : beTA ! A gurudevanuM A Asana kahevAya. ahIM ApaNAthI besAya nahi. pApa lAge ho ! A dhIMgAmastI karavAnuM sthAna nathI, A to upAzraya che. samajyo ? mAnA kahevAthI huM pATa parathI tarata ja UtarI gayo. tyAre gurudeva mArI mAne kahI rahyA hatA : joyuM ? 'putranA lakSaNa pAraNethI' te AnuM nAma ! tame thoDA varSo pahelA svapnamAM ciMtAmaNI ratna joyAnI vAta karI hatI ne ? e svapnanuM phaLa A putraratna che. A bALakanA kapALa para mane bhaviSyamAM thanArI zAsananI parama unnati dekhAi rahI che. A bALakane jo nAnapaNamAM sAdhu banAvavAmAM Ave to te mahAna prabhAvaka banaze. e bALakane atyArathI ja amane soMpI do. mArI mAe kahyuM : ApanI vAta huM svIkAruM chuM. mAro bALaka zAsanaprabhAvaka bane, emAM mane paNa rasa che. huM e ja icchuM chuM. paNa atyAre ApuM zI rIte ? enA pitA bahAragAma gayA che. emane AnA para bahu ja prema che. teo rajA Ape ema mane lAgatuM nathI. mArI to ApanA caraNe bALakane sopavAnI prabaLa jhaMkhanA che. Apa jo rAkhatA ho to huM A bALakane hamaNAM ja soMpI dauM ! enA pitAno virodha thaze tyAre joyuM jaze. Apa eno ukela barAbara lAvazo, evI mane zraddhA che. Ama mArI bAe mane gurudevazrI devacandrasUrijInA caraNomAM samarpita karyo. huM gurudevanI sAthe dhaMdhukAthI khaMbhAta gayo. mArI janmabhUmi dhaMdhukA, e to tamane khyAla ja haze ? dhAraNA pramANe thoDA ja divasomAM khaMbhAtamAM mArA pitAjI AvI pahoMcyA. temanA caherA para lAgatuM hatuM ke teo bahu gussAmAM hatA. mane to gurudeve maMtrIzrI udayananA ghera mokalI dIdho. gurudeve mArA pitAzrIne paNa tyAM mokalyA. mane joine ja teo bheTI paDyA. udayana maMtrIzvarane kahyuM : mArA putra para tamAro zo adhikAra che ? huM mAro putra lai jAuM . maMtrIe kahyuM : mahAnubhAva ! ApanA putra para Apano ja adhikAra che. Apa iccho tyAre lai jai zako cho, paNa pahelAM bhojana to karI lo. pachI ApaNe nirAMte vAto karIzuM. maMtrInI vAta mAnya karI mArA pitAjI mArI sAthe bhojana karavA beThA. khUba ja premathI adbhuta vAnagIo dvArA maMtrIe amArI bhakti karI. bhojana pachI maMtrIzvare eka lAkha sonAmahora sAthe kapaDAMnI joDa dharatA kahyuM : cAcigabhAi ! (mArA pitAjInuM nAma cAciga hatuM) paherAmaNI tarIke huM tamane kapaDAMnI joDa sAthe savA lAkha sonAmahora ApuM chuM. tame premathI svIkAro paNa putra Apo. mArA pitAjIe kahyuM : eTale zuM tame mArA putrane paisAthI kharIdavA mAMgo cho ? nA... huM mArA putrane veMcavA nathI mAMgato. maMtrI bolyA : bhAgyazALI ! jarA vicAro. tamArA putranI mAre nahi, paNa zAsanane jarUra che. tamArA putra dvArA zAsanano mahAna udyota thavAno che. juo, mArA A traNeya putro hAjara che. emAMthI je joie te eka lai lo, paNa tamAro putra zAsanane Apo. tame tamArA putrane ghera rAkhazo to e bahu bahu to vepArI thaze, oha ! je jainazAsanano ziratAja thai dase dizAmAM phelAi javAno che tene tame cAra divAlomAM keda karazo ? je sUrya banavAno che, tene tame dIvo ja banAvIne saMtoSa rAkhazo ? je bI gheghUra vRkSa banavAnuM che tene tame pagataLe cagadI nAkhazo ? ghaMTImAM daLI nAkhazo ? cAciga ! sAcuM kahuM chuM. mAruM mAno ane putrane ApI do. tamArA kuLane e ajavALaze. itihAsamAM tamAruM nAma paNa suvarNAkSare lakhAze. parakAya - praveza * 361 Atma kathAo * 360

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udayana maMtrInA vaktavyana mArA pitAjI para dhArI asara thai. teo gadgad banI bolI UThyA : jo evuM ja hoya to mAruM saMtAna huM guru-caraNe dharuM chuM. maMtrIzvara ! paNa enA badalAmAM mAre sonAmahoro ke putro - kazuM ja joituM nathI. huM mArA bALakane veMcavA nathI mAMgato... ApanA sAdharmika premanI smRtimAM huM kevaLa kapaDAMnI joDa svIkAruM chuM. mAro bALaka jainazAsanano prabhAvaka banaze. e jANI mArI chAtI gajagaja phulAya che. huM ene mArA jIvananuM parama bhAgya mAnuM chuM. Ama mane vidhipUrvaka gurudevazrI devacandrasUrijInA caraNomAM samarpita karavAmAM Avyo. khaMbhAtamAM mahA suda 14, zanivAranA zubha divase mane dIkSA ApavAmAM AvI. tyAre mArI uMmara mAtra sAta varSanI hato tyAre meM 'bhUmi kAmagavI'. e zlokathI tenuM abhivAdana karyuM. AthI rAjA mArA para ekadama khuza thayo. pachI to teNe mArI pAsethI sAMgopAMga 'siddhahema zabdAnuzAsana'nI racanA karAvI. phakta traNa varSamAM meM te taiyAra karI ApyuM. siddharAja khuza thai gayo. aneka nakalo lakhAvI te vyAkaraNano bhAratamAM pracAra karAvyo. kAkala kAyasthane pATaNamAM te vyAkaraNanA adhyApaka tarIke nImyo. Ama siddharAja sAthe mAro sAro saMbaMdha hato, paNa chatAMya huM tene jaina to na ja banAvI zakyo. hA... siddharAja pachI pATaNanI gAdIe AvelA kumArapALane huM custa jaina banAvI zakyo. eTale hada sudhI tene meM ahiMsAno pravartaka banAvyo ke tenA aDhAreya dezamAM koi hiMsA karI zakatuM nahi. koi dArU pI zakatuM nahi. koi anAcAra sevI zakatuM nahi. tenA sainyanA 11 lAkha ghoDAone paNa gALeluM pANI ApavAmAM AvatuM. 50 varSanI uMmare kumArapALa gAdIe Avelo, chatAM huM tene Avo custa jaina banAvI zakyo. jyAre siddharAjane jaina na banAvI zakyo. jIvadaLanI yogyatA pramANe ja upadezanI asara thatI hoya che. meM mArA jIvanamAM sAhitya-sarjana paNa ghaNuM kareluM che. triSaSTi, kacAzraya, pariziSTa parva vagere aneka graMthonuM meM sarjana karyuM che. baMdhuo ! tame A badhuM kyAreka vAMcajo ! tamane emAMthI khUbakhUba jANavA maLaze, tame jainazAsananA parama anurAgI banazo. tamAruM jIvana kRtArtha banaze. hatI. dIkSA pachI gurudeve mane apAra vAtsalyapUrvaka bhaNAvavA mAMDyuM. eka vakhate huM gurudevanI preraNAthI sarasvatIne prasanna karavA kAmIratarapha cAlyo, paNa pahelA ja mukAme rAtre sarasvatI mArI pAse AvI ane kahyuM : "munivara ! huM tamArA para prasanna chuM. tamAre kAzmIra AvavAnI koi jarUra nathI.' vinA prayatna mArA para sarasvatInI kRpA varasI paDI. tamane navAI lAgaze paNa 21 varSanI uMmare to gurudeve mane AcAryapadathI vibhUSita karyo. tyAre mArI mAtA pAhinIe paNa dIkSA lIdhI. tyArathI huM hemacandrasUri tarIke prasiddha thayo, dIkSA vakhate gurudeve mAruM nAma "somacandra' pADyuM hatuM. eka vakhate ame traNa jaNAe (huM, malayagiri, devasUri) nagna padminI strIne tenA pati samakSa hAjara rAkhI vidyAnI sAdhanA karI. pratyakSa thayelI devI pAsethI ame traNeye judA judA varadAna mAMgyA. malayagirie TIkAnI zakti, devasUrie vAdanI zakti ane meM rAjAone pratibodhavAnI zakti mAMgI. AthI huM siddharAja, kumArapALa rAjAone pratibodhI zakyo. siddharAja jyAre mALavA jItIne pATaNamAM sasvAgata pravezI rahyo Atma kathAo * 362 parakAya - praveza * 363

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(54) huM yazovijaya mArI mA kemeya khAtI nhotI. meM Agraha karIne pUchyuM : "mA tuM kema khAtI nathI ? tuM nahi khAya to huM paNa nahi khAuM.' "paNa beTA ! bhaktAmara sAMbhaLyA vinA huM zI rIte khAi zakuM ? mAre pratidina bhaktAmara sAMbhaLavAno niyama che. hamaNAM traNa divasathI varasAda paDe che eTale upAzraye jaine bhaktAmara sAMbhaLI zakAtuM nathI.' meM kahyuM : "paNa mA ! tane e bhaktAmara huM saMbhaLAvuM to ?' beTA tane kyAMthI AvaDe ?' 'hA... mA ! mane AvaDe che. tArI sAthe bhaktAmara sAMbhaLavA huM paNa Avato hato ne ? mane sAMbhaLatAM-sAMbhaLatAM ja yAda rahI gayuM che. vizvAsa na Avato hoya to le... sAMbhaLa. ne huM bolavA mAMDyo : 'bhaktAmara...' thoDIvAramAM kaDAkaDa AkhuM bhaktAmara bolI gayo. mArI mA stabdha thai gai. ene mArI buddhi zaktino pahelI ja vAra khyAla Avyo. eNe mane cUmIo dvArA apAra snehathI navaDAvI dIdho. eka vakhate mArA gAmamAM munizrI nayavijayajI AvyA. emanA pravacanothI AkhuM gAma gAMDuM banyuM. huM emanI najaramAM vasI gayo. mArI temaNe mAMgaNI karI. mAruM nAma jasavaMta. mAruM gAma kanoDu. mArI mAtAnuM nAma sobhAgadevI. mArA pitAnuM nAma nAraNabhAi. mArA nAnA bhAinuM nAma padamasI. mArI mAtAe navijayajInA caraNe mane samarpita karyo. mArI pAchaLa mAro bhAi padamasI paNa Avyo. amArI baMnenI dIkSA thai. mAruM nAma paDyuM : yazovijayajI ane nAnA bhAinuM nAma paDyuM : Atma kathAo . 0 364 padmavijayajI. amadAvAdamAM mArI kizora avasthAmAM evo prasaMga banyo jethI huM kAzI bhaNavA mATe jai zakyo. vAta ema banI hatI ke huM sabhAmAM aSTAdaza avadhAnanA prayoga batAvato hato. tyAre dhanajI sUrA nAmanA zeTha mArA para varasI paDyA. temane mArAmAM laghu hemacandrasUrinA darzana thayA. mArA gurudevane temaNe kahyuM ke jo A yazovijayajIne kAzI mokalavAmAM Ave to bIjA hemacandrasUri ke haribhadrasUri bane. kAzI to vidyA mATe prasiddha che. baMdhuo ! tame kAzI vize to jANatA ja hazo. keTalAka bALako to Aje paNa bole che : kAzI e to morI mAya, loTo laine pANI pAya, loTo gayo kAzI, vidyA e to morI mAsI. kAzI ! kAzI ! pANI pA, nA bhaNe ene tANI jA, kAzInI vATe kUvo, nA bhaNe te jIvato mUvo. kAzIno mahimA AjakAla ja nathI, amArA jamAnAmAM paNa hato. mArA gurudeve kahyuM : dhanajIbhAi ! tame to jANo cho ne ke kAzInA paMDito paisA vinA to bhaNAve nahi. amArI pAse to paisA hoya nahi. paisA vinA zI rIte tame kaho cho te thAya ? 'are gurudeva ! A zuM bolyA ? huM beTho chuM ne ? ame zrAvako beThA hoie ne Ape paisAnI ciMtA karavAnI hoya ? kAzI Apa padhAro. badhI javAbadArI mArI.' dhanajIbhAie dhananI javAbadArI UThAvI lIdhI eTale mArA gurudevamAM hiMmata AvI. mane sAthe laine teo kAzI AvyA. kAzImAM gaMgA kinAre meM 16 divasa eMkArano jApa karI sarasvatIne prasanna karI. A vAta meM mArI saMskRta-gujarAtI racanAmAM paNa karI che. parakAya - praveza 2365

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'A~AranApavaramANu'... 'zArada sAra mayA karo, Apo vacana taraMga; tuM tUThI muja upare, jApa karata upagaMga." baMdhuo ! tamAre jJAna joituM hoya to tame paNa gurugamathI eNkAra maMtra prApta karI jApa karajo. kAzImAM eka moTA paMDita pAse 700 vidyArthIo bhaNatA hatA, te paMDita pAse huM paNa bhaNavA beTho. te rojano eka rUpiyo leto. huM dattacitta banI bhaNavA lAgyo. - eka vakhate kAzImAM koi jabaradasta vAdI Avyo, koi tenA vAdanA paDakArane jhIlI zakyuM nahi. eTale kAzInuM nAka rAkhavA huM taiyAra thayo. jota-jotAmAM meM e paMDitane niruttara banAvI dIdho. AthI mane kAzInA sarvapaMDitoe maLIne 'nyAyAcArya'nuM birUda ApyuM. vaLI kAzInA traNa varSa daramyAna meM navya nyAsanA ekaso ne ATha graMtho banAvyA eTale pharIthI mane "nyAyavizArada"nuM birUda ApavAmAM AvyuM. kAzI pachI ame AgrA AvyA. tyAM paNa meM pAMca varSa tarka Adino abhyAsa karyo. tyAM rahelA adhyAtma zuSkavAdI paMDita banArasIdAsane meM niruttara karyo. tenA mATe meM 'adhyAtma-mata parIkSA' nAmano graMtha paNa banAvyo. jyAM jyAM goTALA cAlatA hoya tyAM sAmano karavo e mAro janmajAta svabhAva hato. ekalA nizcayanayane AgaLa karI koi game tema vartavA mAMDe, game tema bolavA mAMDe e huM kema calAvI laUM ? Ama jovA jAva to huM AkhI jiMdagI laDaDyo ja chuM, sanmArganA zatruonI sAme saMgharSamAM Utaryo chuM. huM digaMbaronI sAme to paDyo ja chuM, paNa zvetAmbaromAM mUrtine nahi mAnanArAonI sAme paNa paDyo chuM. are, mUrti mAnanArAomAM paNa je sAdhuo zithila banIne gorajI banI gayA hatA temanI sAme paNa paDyo chuM. jo ke A kAraNe mArA jIvanamAM kaSTo ghaNA AvyA. kyAreka mArI jiMdagI jokhamamAM paNa mUkAi che. paNa mane enI kyAM paravA hatI ? Atma kathAo * 366 zAsana sevA karatAM-karatAM prANonI Ahuti apAI jAya - evA bhAgya kyAMthI ? unmArgamArgIone sanmArga ciMdhavA meM graMtho paNa banAvyA che. mUrtipUjAnI zAstrIyatA siddha karavA pratimAzataka, doDhaso (150) gAthAnuM tathA savAso (125) gAthAnuM stavana vagere banAvyAM che tathA kalikAlamAM sanmArga batAvavA meM sADA traNaso (350) gAthAnuM stavana paNa banAvyuM che. tame jarUra e vAMcajo, vicArajo. tamane satyamArganI prApti thaze. kAzI-AgrA vagere sthaLe bhaNIne huM jyAre gujarAtamAM Avyo tyAre gujarAtamAM Thera-Thera mArA abhUtapUrva svAgata thayA. amadAvAdamAM to jabaradasta sAmaiyuM thayuM. nAgorI sarAyamAM ame UtaryA. badhA paMDitoe maLIne mane akSobhya paMDita tarIke svIkAryo. mane upAdhyAya pada ApavA zrI jaina saMghoe tapAgacchAdhipati zrI vijayadevasUrijIne vinaMtI karI. teozrIe ApavAnuM svIkAryuM, paraMtu mane upAdhyAya pada Ape te pahelAM ja teozrI vi.saM. 1713mAM kALadharma pAmyA. pachIthI temanI pATe AvelA vijayaprabhasUrijIe mane upAdhyAya padavI ApI. tyAra pachI meM mAruM lagabhaga samagra jIvana sAhitya-sAdhanAmAM lagADI dIdhuM. saMskRta, prAkRta, gujarAtI AdimAM DhagalAbaMdha racanAo karI. upAdhyAya zrI vinayavijayajInuM nAma to tame sAMbhaLyuM haze ? teo khAsa mArA mitra thAya. temaNe eka vakhata zrIpALa rAjAno rAsa racavA mAMDyo. uMmara bahu thai hatI eTale rAsa pUro thAya - evI saMbhAvanA bahu ochI hatI. mane temaNe kahI rAkheluM ke huM kadAca kALadharma pAmuM to mAro adhUro rAsa tamAre pUro karavo ane kharekhara ema ja thayuM. rAMderamAM teo kALadharma pAmyA. meM te rAsa pUro karyo. tame je dara zAzvatI oLImAM sAMbhaLo cho ne ? te A ja rAsa ! mArI paNa have uMmara thai hatI. zarIra gharaDuM thayuM hatuM. paNa mananI gati eTalI ja tIvra hatI. eTale sAhitya sarjana to cAlu ja hatuM. parakAya - praveza * 367

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narmadAnA kinAro mane bahu gamato. narmadAnA kinArAnA gAmaDAomAM rahI meM ciMtana-dhyAna-sarjanamAM keTaloka samaya pasAra karyo che kharo. chelluM comAsuM mAruM DabhoimAM thayuM. Dabhoi mane bahu gamatuM. dasamA saikAmAM thai gayelA zrI municandrasUrinI janmabhUmi, vastupALa-tejapALa, pethaDazA jevA mahApuruSothI pavitra thayelI A dharatImAM rahetAM mane eka prakArano AnaMda Avato. vi.saM. 1743mAM tyAM mAruM chelluM cAturmAsa thayuM. cAturmAsa pachI vi.saM. 1744mAM huM kALadharma pAmyo. Aje paNa mArI pAdukA DabhoimAM vidyamAna che. tame tyAM jAva tyAre avazya enAM darzana karajo. eNkArano jApa karajo. mA sarasvatInA tamane AzIrvAda maLaze. prAkathana ('kahe kumArapALa'nI prathama AvRttimAMthI) bhagavAna zrI mahAvIra svAmInA zAsanamAM sarvAdhika suprasiddha mahArAjA kumArapALe sukRtanA je kAryo karyA che, te jaina itihAsa kadI bhUlI zakaze nahi. jIvadayA guNavelaDI, ropI risaha niNaMda, zrAvake kula maMDapa caDI, siMcI kumAra narida. e jamAnAnuM A suprasiddha padya, kumArapALanuM sthAna jainomAM keTaluM mahattvapUrNa hatuM ? te batAve che. jainomAM ja nahi, jainetaromAM paNa kumArapALanuM nAma gauravapUrvaka levAmAM Ave che. * gurjara- cakravartI kumArapALa : gujarAtanA zilAlekhomAM je sAta rAjAone gurjara cakravartI mAnavAmAM AvyA che, temAM kumArapALanuM paNa agrima sthAna che. 'gujarAtano aitihAsika lekha saMgraha' pustakamAM gujarAtanA sAta cakravartIonA nAma A pramANe che : (1) bhImadeva, (2) karNadeva, (3) siddharAja, (4) kumArapALa, (5) ajayapALa, (6) mULarAja, (7) bhImadeva. vi.saM. 1333nA AmaraNa gAmanA zilAlekhamAM sAta cakravartIonA nAma jarA judA che. (paNa tyAMya kumArapALanuM to sthAna che ja.) : (1) siddharAja, (2) kumArapALa, (3) ajayapALa, (4) dvitIya mULarAja, (5) vizaladeva, (6) anadeva, (7) sAraMgadeva. * kumArapALanI rAjayasImA : kalikAla sarvajJa AcAryazrI hemacandrasUrijIe triSaSTi zalAkApuruSa caritra, parva-10, sarga-12, zloka para mAM kumArapALanI rAjyasImAM batAvatAM kahyuM che ke uttaramAM turkastAna, pUrvamAM gaMgA nadI, dakSiNamAM vidhyAcala ane pazcimamAM samudra sudhI hatI. huM kumArapALa * 369 Atma kathAo * 368

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ajaina vidvAnoe paNa rAjyasImA viSe lakhyuM che, te jANavA 'ToDa rAjasthAnamAM karnala jemsa ToDe lakhyuM che ke "kumArapALanI AjJAne pRthvInA sarva rAjAoe AdarapUrvaka svIkArI. teNe zAkaMbharInA rAjAne potAnA caraNe jhukAvyo. svayaM zastra-sajja banIne sapAdalakSa sudhI yuddha karIne sarva gaDhapatione jhukAvyA. sAlapura (paMjAba)ne paNa teNe potAne vaza karyuM." muslimonA "jAmeula hikAyatamAM lakhyuM che ke "kumArapALanA zAsanakALamAM pATaNanA jaino hindustAnathI bahAra gijhanI sudhI pahoMcIne, tyAM bahoLo vepAra karatA hatA." 'rAjapUtAne kA itihAsamAM sva. gau. hI. ojhAjIe lakhyuM che ke kumArapALa ghaNo pratApI ane nIti-nipuNa hato. tenA rAjyanI sImA dUra-dUra sudhI phelAyelI hatI. mALavA tathA rAjasthAnanA keTalAka bhAga tene AdhIna hatA. | durgAzaMkara kevaLarAma zAstrIe "gujarAtano madhyakAlIna rAjapUta itihAsa'mAM lakhyuM che ke "kumArapALane siddharAja taraphathI ghaNuM vizALa ane atyaMta samRddha rAjya maLyuM hatuM. kumArapALe tene sthira karyuM eTaluM ja nahi, paraMtu koMkaNanA vijayane lakSamAM letAM kaMika vadhAryuM paNa kharuM - evo saMbhava che." e ja pustakanA prakaraNa-15 mAM lakhyuM che ke "siddharAja ane kumArapALe evuM suMdara rAjataMtra jamAvyuM hatuM ke mULarAja jevo bALa rAjA paNa muslima AkramaNane sAmaMtonI sahAyatAthI pIchehaTa karAvI zakyo. vastutaH bhImadeva (bIjo) jevA nirbaLa rAjAnA zAsanakALamAM paNa ghaNA samaya sudhI, siddharAja ane kumArapALe jamAveluM rAjataMtra ja cAlI rahyuM hatuM. * samakAlIna vidvAno dvArA kumArapALanI prazasti : kalikAla sarvajJa AcAryazrI hemacandrasUrijIe abhidhAna ciMtAmaNi nAmamALAmAM kumArapALane "rAjarSi, paramahaMta, mRtasvamoktA, dharmAtmA, mArivyasana mAraka' Adi nAmothI saMbodhita karyA che. Atma kathAo * 370 vi.saM. 1208 vaDanagaranA killAnI prazastimAM tene "kaliyugamAM kRtayuga lAvanAro' kahelo che. prabhAsapATaNanI prazastimAM zrIdhare tene "lokapriya, guNothI alaMdhya' kahyo che. prabhAsapATaNanI prazastimAM gaMDa bhAvabRhaspatie tene. 'tejovizeSAdayI, acittvamahimA, ballAladharAdhipajAMgalanarezavijetA, railokya-kalpadruma' evA vizeSaNothI sanmAna ApyuM che. kItikaumudImAM kavi somezvare lakhyuM che ke vItarAga prabhunA rAgI ane mRtakanuM dhana choDanAra, devatulya kumArapALa mahArAjAnI amRtArthatA (amRtArthatAnA be artha thAya : rAjAnA pakSamAM mRtakadhanano abhAva ane devanA pakSamAM amRtanI arthatA) ucita ja che. AcAryazrI somaprabhasUrijIe 'kumArapALa paDiboho'mAM lakhyuM che ke "rAjAone prANIo tarapha dayA nathI hotI' evA jana pravAdane, kumArapALe jaina dharma svIkArIne khoTo TharAvyo. A rAjAnI prazaMsA koNa na kare ? A pramANe kumArapALanI prazaMsA temanA samakAlIna aneka jainaajaina vidvAnoe karelI che - AthI kumArapALanA bahumukhI vyaktitvano khyAla Ave che. (kumArapALanA jIvana-darzaka sAhitya mATe pariziSTa juo.), AvA kumArapALanuM jIvana, A pustakamAM AtmakathArUpe ApavAmAM AveluM che, je prasiddha gujarAtI jaina mAsika 'zAMtisaurabha'mAM "huM kumArapALa' rUpe kramazaH pragaTa thayeluM che. traNa-cAra varSa pahelAM AnuM hindI (R mArapAta) pustaka pragaTa thayeluM che. have ('kahe, kumArapALa' nAme) gujarAtI bahAra paDI rahyuM che. kumArapALanuM saMkaTa bhareluM jIvana vAMcatAM-vAMcatAM vAcaka duHkhamAM pairya kema rAkhavuM ? te zIkhe, rAjya-samRddhi aDhaLaka hovA chatAM kumArapALanuM dharmamaya jIvana vAMcIne vAcako paNa dharma-pravRttimAM AgaLa vadhavAnuM zIkhe to vAMceluM sArthaka gaNAya. sau pAThaka AvI sArthakatAne vare evI zubhecchA. huM kumArapALa * 371

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tA.ka. kahe, kumArapALanI AtmakathA sAthe A pustakamAM meghakumAra, rAvaNa, drAviDa tathA vAmananI AtmakathAo joDavAmAM AvI che. je vAcakone jarUra gamaze. - gaNi mukticandravijaya - muni municandravijaya thaa| (muMbaI) TembInAkA, jaina upAzraya saMvata 2055, kA.su. 15 kalikAlasarvajJazrI hemacandrasUri janmadina pariziSTa kumArapAla-jIvana-darzaka sAhitya svataMtra kRtio racanA-saMvat padya kartA * saskRta. 1. kumArapAladevacaritra 1385thI pahelA 221 ajJAta 2. kumArapAladevacaritra 1400 740 somatilakasUri 3. kumArapAlacaritra 1422 10 sarga jayasiMhasUri kumArapAlapratibodhacarita 1424 somatilakasUri kumArapAlaprabodha-prabandha 1464 kumArapAlacaritra 1487 cAritrasuMdaragaNi kumArapAlaprabandha 1492 jinamaMDanagaNi kumArapAlacaritra 1537 dhanaratna kumArapAlacaritra somavimala 10. kumArapAlacaritra somacandragaNi 11. kumArapAlacaritra ajJAta 12. kumArapAlacaritra ajJAta * prAkRta . 13. kumArapAlapaDiboho 1241 9000 somaprabhasUri 14. moharAjaparAjaya (nATaka) 1276 yazapAla kumArapAlacariyaM haricandra * gujarAtI . kumArapAlarAsa 1670 4506 RSabhadAya 17. kumArapAlarAsa (nAno) 2192 RSabhadAsa 18. kumArapAlarAsa 1742 jinaharSa * prAsaMgika kRtio . dvayAzraya-mahAkAvya (aMtima pAMca sarga) hemacandrasUri 20. triSaSThizalAkApuruSa caritra (parva-10, sarga-12, zlo-45-96) hemacandrasUri zatrujaya mAhAtmya 477 dhanezvarasUri 22. prabhAvakacarita 1334 prabhAcandrasUri 23. prabandhacintAmaNi 1361 merutuMgasUri 24. kalpapradIpa (vividha tIrthakalpa) 1364 jinaprabhasUri 25. caturviMzatiprabandha rAjazekharasUri purAtanaprabaMdhasaMgraha 27. upadezataraMgiNI 1519 rakhamaMdira 28. upadezaprAsAda 1843 vijayalakSmIsUri * prAkRta . 29. kumArapAlacariya (prAkRta yAzraya) 150 hemacandrasUri Atma kathAo * 372 huMdubhArapaNa . 393

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(55) huM kumANyAla ha (1) pUrvabhava huM to hato eka lUMTAro ! lUMTa karavI, dhADa pADavI e ja mAruM kAma ! mevADanA jaMgalomAM mAro nivAsa ! cAre bAju mArA nAmanI hAka ! jo ke, Ama to huM rAjakumAra hato, paNa mArA tophAnothI kaMTALI gayelA mArA pitAe mane nagaramAMthI tagaDI mUkyo. huM jaMgalamAM Avyo. coronI pallI mAruM AzrayasthAna banI. corI, lUMTa, dhADa e badhuM mAro dhaMdho banyo. mANasa adha:patana pAme tyAre kyAM sudhI jai zake ? e jANavuM hoya to mAruM jIvana juo ! sAcuM ja kahyuM che : "viveNAnAM mavata vinipAta: zatagurava:' je vivekathI bhraSTa thAya tenuM sarvatomukhI patana thAya. paNa mAruM sarvatomukhI patana thAya e kadAca bhavitavyatAne maMjUra nhotuM ! AthI ja mArA jIvanamAM ekAeka palaTo Avyo. jo ke meM palaTo lAvyo hato, paNa jANe bhavativyatAe ja mAro palaTo UyuM. acAnaka thayelA humalAthI huM ane mArA sAthIdAro gabharAi gayA. jIva bacAvavA badhA Amatema bhAgavA mAMDyA. huM paNa mArI patnI sAthe bhAgI chUTyo. atyAre nAsI chUTavA sivAya bIjo koI vikalpa paNa hoto ! huM vicAramAM paDI gayo : mArA para hallo karanAra vaLI koNa? huM e kalpanA ja nahoto karI zakato ke koi mArA para AkramaNa karI zake ! mArA eka sAthIdAre mane kahyuM : svAmI A hallo karanAra e bIjo koi nahi, paNa dhanadatta sArthavAha che, jene ApaNe thoDA samaya pahelA lUMTyo hato. evuM jANavA maLyuM che ke "eNe mALavAnA rAjA pAse phariyAda karI che ApaNane zikSA karavA rAjA pAsethI moTuM sainya lai humalo karyo che. ApaNe UMghatA ja jhaDapAi gayA chIe." huM stabdha thai gayo. mArA pApanuM phaLa mane atyAre ja, A ja bhavamAM maLI gayuM. paNa atyAre puNya-pApanuM AvuM gaNita vicAravAnI kyAM phurasada hatI ? pAchaLa zatruo mAro pIcho karI rahyA hatA. huM tamAma tAkAta lagAvI doDI rahyo hato. pAchaLathI AvatA tIrone cUkavI rahyo hato. huM to ThIka. doDI zakuM tema hato. paNa mArI sAthe doDatI mArI patnI pAchaLa rahI jatI hatI. meM tene doDAvavA ghaNA prayatno karyA. paNa Akhare e pAchaLa rahI gai ! garbhavatI hatI eTale e vadhu kyAMthI doDI zake ? AgaLa dUra-dUra jai huM koi jhADImAM chupAi gayo. pAchaLa joyuM to mArI pyArI patnI zatrunA hAthamAM jhaDapAi gai hatI. Aha ! have zuM thaze ? mArA hRdayamAMthI UMDI cIsa nIkaLI paDI ! huM mArI priya patnIne kaphoDI sthitimAM joi dhrUjI UThyo. kSaNa bhara mane vicAra Avyo : lAva, doDI jAuM. mArI pyArI patnIne bacAvI lauM. paNa bIjI ja paLe vicAra Avyo : strI to avadhya hoya che. bahu bahu to kedamAM pUraze, khAvApIvAnuM nahi ApIne kadAca herAna karaze. paNa vadha to nahi ja kare. -daMtyA mahad pApam | vaLI jo huM tene bacAvavA jaiza. to mane paNa e loko pakaDI pADaze. mAtra pakaDaze ja nahi, mArI ja nAkhaze. AvI vicAraNAthI huM jato-jato aTakI gayo. paNa oha ! mArI dhAraNA khoTI paDI. pelo dhanadatta sArthavAha tyAM dhasI Avyo. te gussAthI barADI karyo. - Ama to mAruM jIvana sukhapUrvaka vItatuM hatuM. sukha eTale kevuM sukha ? bIjAne duHkhI karavA, herAna karavA e ja mAruM sukha ! jagatanA mahApuruSo bIjAne sukhI karIne rAjI thAya, paNa huM evo kApuruSa hato ke bIjAne duHkhI karIne rAjI thato ! mAnavanA khoLIye huM dAnava banyo hato ! je avatAra meLavIne mANasa bhagavAna banI zake te avatAramAM huM zetAna banyo ! eka divase huM mArI patnI sAthe AnaMda-killola karI rahyo hato tyAM acAnaka ja mArI chAvaNI para koikano hallo thayo. sana... na... na... bANo chUTavA lAgyA. dhaDAdhaDa bhAlA pheMkAvA lAgyA. phaTAphaTa... barachIo paDavA lAgI. mAro... kApo... nA avAjothI AkAza guMjI Atma kathAo * 374 huM kumArapALa * 375

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UThyo : 'kyAM che pelo lUMTAro ? ene pakaDyo ke nahi ?" "nahi svAmI ! e to bhAgI gayo, chaTakI gayo ?' sainikoe kahyuM. 'tame AvAne AvA mAyakAMgalA rahyA. ATalA badhA sainiko cho chatAM eka lUMTArAne pakaDI zakatA nathI ? 'dhULa paDI tamArI bahAdurImAM' dhanadattano gusso AsamAne pahoMcyo hato. ema ? A enI patnI che ? to bolatA kema nathI ? lAvo, ene mArI pAse ! mArA hRdayanA dhabakArA ekadama vadhI gayA. arara...2 have zuM thaze? jama jevo dhanadatta mArI patnInuM zuM karaze ? paNa vadha ? oha! nahi, strI hatyA to lUMTAro paNa na kare to A vANiyo thoDo karavAno ? meM paNa ghaNI lUMTaphATa karI che, ghaNAnA khUna karyA che, paNa strInI hatyA kadI karI nathI. mArA paNa amuka nIti-niyamo to hatA ja. tene huM kadI cUkyo nhoto ! mArA jevo bahAravaTIyo paNa AvA niyamo pALe to eka vANiyo AvI maryAdA cUkI jAya evI huM kalpanA paNa karI zakuM nahi ! paNa re, A dhanadatte to hada vALI. jama jevI bhayaMkara AkRtivALo te mArI patnI tarapha dhasyo ! varU AvatAM haraNI dhrUjI UThe tema mArI patnI dhrUjI UThI. nirdoSa mRgalI jevI strI joine koine paNa dayA AvI jAya, paNa tenuM to rUMvADuMya pharakyuM nahi. bicArI bhalI bhoLI mArI patnI ! mAruM hRdaya pokArI rahyuM hatuM ! dhanadatta barADI, UThyo : "harAmakhora ! tArA divaso have bharAI cUkyA che. bhagavAnane yAda karI le." dhrUjI UThelI mArI patnI dhanadattanA page paDI : "mahAnubhAva ! huM tamArA zaraNe chuM. zaraNAgata para je karAya te mArA para karo. vaLI mArA peTamAM bALaka che, te khyAlamAM rAkhazo." oho ! luMTArAnI bairI have karagare che! bALakane phALaka... badhuM sApha thai jaze. DAkaNa ! have tane nahi choDuM. tAro dhaNI na maLyo to kAMi nahi. tuM to maLI." mArI patnI kAlAvAlA karI rahI hatI tyAM ja bhairATA banelA Atma kathAo * 376 dhanadatte tene pagathI pakaDI. UMce uchALI bAjumAM rahelI zilA para jorathI pachADI. huM A dezya joi na zakyo. mArI najara samakSa patnI taraphaDatI rahI. mArA roma-romamAM gussAnI Aga lAgI. mArA hRdayanA tAra-tAra bolI rahyA hatA : dhanadattanA hamaNAM ja rAi-rAi jeTalA TukaDA karI nAkhuM. paNa zuM karuM? huM kAMi paNa karavA lAcAra hato. mArA moTA bhAganA sAthIdAro marI paravAryA hatA. thoDA bacyA te Ama-tema bhAgI chUTyA hatA. dhanadattanI adhamatAnI hada to, have AvI rahI hatI. mArI taraphaDatI patnInA peTa para teNe jorathI lAta mArI. talavArathI prahAra karI peTa phADyuM. lohInA dhAra sAthe taraphaDatuM baccuM bahAra AvyuM. A narAdhame enA paNa TukaDe-TukaDA karI nAkhyA. A badhuM huM kema joi zakyo ! e ja mane samajAtuM nathI. jotAM jotAM ja mane cakkara kema na AvyA? mAruM hRdaya phATI kema na gayuM ? mane potAne paNa navAi lAgavA mAMDI. huM kema jIvI rahyo chuM ? have mAre jIvavAnuM kAma zuM che ? huM ekadama hataprabha banI gayo. Aje pahelIvAra mArA magajamAM vicAranA cakro cAlu thayA : je mArI pyArI patnIne meM khobA bharI-bharIne vahAla ApeluM, te paraloka bhaNI cAlI gai hatI. have huM zuM karuM ? mArA duHkhano pAra nhoto. Aje pahelI ja vAra samajAyuM ke jo mArA eka svajananA mRtyuthI mane ATaluM duHkha thatuM hoya to meM jemanA svajana haNI nAkhyA che, emane keTaluM duHkha thatuM haze ? atyAra sudhI mAruM hRdaya patthara jevuM baneluM. temAM bIjAno koi vicAra ja nhoto. Aje pahelI ja vAra mane bIjAno vicAra Avyo. Aje pahelI ja vAra mArA jIvanamAM ATalo moTo phaTako paDyo hato. mane jIvavuM akAruM lAgatuM hatuM. vAraMvAra ApaghAtanA vicAro AvatA hatA. zuM karavuM ? tenI samaja paDatI hotI. huM ekalo ne ekalo AgaLane AgaLa cAlavA mAMDyo. kyAM javuM ? tenI khabara nhotI. paNa bhavitavyatA mArI sArI hatI. mane sAmethI koi AvI rahyuM hoya tema lAgyuM. sapheda vastro dUrathI ja najare AvI jatA hoya che. sapheda vastro parathI lAgyuM : nakkI koi huM kumArapALa * 377

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jaina munio hovA joie. mArI dhAraNA sAcI paDI. sAce ja teo jaina munio hatA. vacce cAlatA AdheDa vayanA saumya tejathI jhaLahaLatA, badhAnA gurudeva hoya tevuM lAgatuM hatuM. emanA caherA parathI ja evuM lAgatuM hatuM ke jANe duniyAnI badhI ja zAMti ekaThI thai ahIM ramI rahI hatI ! saMsAranA duHkhonA dAvAnaLathI tapelA mANaso ahIM AvavA saheje lalacAya evI prasanna temanI asmitA hatI. huM tarata ja temanI pAse gayo. mArI ApavItI kahI saMbhaLAvI. pUjaya AcAryazrInA caraNomAM huM dhrusake dhrusake raDI paDyo. pUjyazrIe mane AzvAsana ApyuM. satya mArga batAvyo. Ahata dharma samajAvyo. duHkhanI upakArakatA jaNAvI. pUjyazrInI madhura vANIthI mAruM hRdaya Azvasta banyuM. dhagadhagatI hRdayanI bhomakA para pUjyazrInA vacanAmRtonI vRSTi thatAM TADhaka vaLI. jaina dharmanuM zaraNuM svIkAryuM. duHkho paNa upakArI hoya che. AghAto paNa uMce UThavA mATe hoya che, evuM pUjyazrInuM tattvajJAna meM manamAM UMDe UtAryuM. duHkhothI mANasa ghaDAya che. duHkhothI mANasane prabhu yAda Ave che. duHkhothI purANA pApono nAza thAya che. duHkho Ave che tyAre ja mANasane potAnA jevA bIjA duHkhI jIvo yAda Ave che. AthI duHkhonA mAdhyame jIvo sAthe maitrI, prabhu sAthe prIti thAya che ane jAtanuM zuddhIkaraNa thAya che. duHkhathI ja sukhanI saMbhAvanAnA dvAra khule che. bI dharatImAM paDyA rahevAnuM duHkha anubhave nahi tyAM sudhI te jhADa banavAnuM saubhAgya pAmI zakatuM nathI. mATI nibhADAnI AgamAM na paDe tyAM sudhI kuMbha banavAnuM saubhAgya pAmI zakatI nathI. paththara paNa zilpInA TAMkaNA na paDe tyAM sudhI te pratimA banavAnuM saubhAgya pAmI zakato nathI. mANasa para duHkhanA DuMgara tUTI na paDe tyAM sudhI tenuM sattva khIlatuM nathI, jIvanano rAha badalAto nathI. duHkhathI mANasanI cetanA UrdhvagAmI banI zake che, tenA rAha ane cAha palaTAi jai zake che. sItA ke rAmanAM jIvanamAM duHkho na AvyA hota to, rAmanA mahimAne loko jANata zI rIte ? prabhuzrI mahAvIra devanA jIvanamAM duHkho na AvyA hota to loko temanuM mahAvIratva' zI rIte jANI zakata ? caMdanabALAnA jIvanamAM duHkho na Atma kathAo * 378 AvyA hota to prabhune pAraNuM karAvavAnuM saubhAgya kevI rIte maLyuM hota? rohiNiyAne kAMTo na vAgyo hota to prabhuzrInAM vacano zI rIte sAMbhaLI zakata ? duHkha Ave che tyAre mANasa bebAkaLo banI jAya che, paNa jo zANo thai pachIthI vicAre to duHkha ene mahAna upakAraka lAge che." pUjyazrInI AvI vANI mArA kAnamAM keTalAya vakhata sudhI guMjatI rahI. have mane lUMTa-phATa tarapha sakhata napharata thai gai hatI. mAnavajIvanane saphaLa banAvavAnA koDa jAgyA hatA. mArI pallImAM pAchA javAnuM mana thatuM na hatuM. tyAM jatAM ja mane lUMTa-phATa, hatyAnA vicAro AvI jAya te saMbhavita hatuM. cArebAju meM lUMTa ane hatyAmaya ja vAtAvaraNa banAvI rAkhyuM hatuM. evA dUSita vAtAvaraNane choDIne have huM koI navA ja pradezamAM jai navI jiMdagI zarU karavA mAMgato hato. huM tyAMthI nIkaLI paDyo. ekalA-ekalo cAlatA-cAlato huM dakSiNa bhAratamAM ekazilA nagaramAM jai pahoMcyo. ekazilAmAM kyAM UbhA rahevuM? zuM karavuM ? A badhA prazno to hatA ja, paNa eka dayALu zeThe mane potAne tyAM nokarIe rAkhI letAM e prazno hala thai gayA. mArA jIvananuM utthAna have zarU thai gayuM hatuM. mane nimitto sArA maLatA rahyA. eka divase ekazilAmAM e ja pUjya AcArya yazobhadrasUrijI bhagavaMta padhAryA. huM to pUrvaparicita hato ja, mArA zeTha paNa pUjyazrInA paricayamAM AvatAM jainadharmI banyA. AkhuM kuTuMba dharmanA raMge raMgAyuM. dharma AvatAM have mArA jIvananI badhI ja hatAzA khaMkherAi gai hatI. navo utsAha, navo AnaMda, navI uSmA, navuM caitanya - mArA mATe badhuM have navuM navuM ja hatuM. eka vakhate gAmamAM ujANIno prasaMga Avyo. mArA dayALu zeThe ujANImAM vAparavA mATe mane pAMca koDI ApI. AkhuM gAma ujANI kare ane mAre tyAM nokarI karato nokara emane ema rahe ema kema cAle ? zeThe dayA-bhAvathI pAMca koDI ApelI. paNa mane vicAra Avyo, ujANImAM pAMca koDI kharcavAthI zuM maLavAnuM ? kSaNa bharano AnaMda ja ne ? AvA kSaNabhaMgura AnaMdamAM paisA veDaphavA enA karatAM koI umadA kAma na karuM ? huM kumArapALa * 379

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! mane khyAla hato ke mArA zeThajI roja bhagavAnanI pUjA karavA jatA hatA. huM ja temane phUla ApavAnuM kAma karato hato. ghaNIvAra mane vicAra Avato : huM paNa kyAre phUlothI bhagavAnanI pUjA karIza ? Aje mArI pAse paisA AvI gayA che to sadupayoga kema na karI lauM ? khAvA-pIvAmAM to ghaNIvAra paisA vAparyA, paNa bhagavAna mATe kadI vAparyA nathI. huM mALI pAse gayo. pAMca koDInA phUla kharIdyA. meM gaNyA to phUlo hatA barAbara aDhAra ! oha ! adbhuta ! aDhArano AMka nava sAthe saMbaMdha dharAve che. 1 + 8 = 9 navano AMka kadI khaMDita thato nathI... ema mAro vikAsa paNa have khaMDita nahi thavAno. dina-dina mAruM puNya, mAruM sukha, mAro dharma vadhato ja rahevAno, vadhato ja rahevAno. mAro aMtarAtmA jANe joSI banIne mArI ja AgAhI karavA lAgyo. meM e aDhAra phUlothI bhagavAnanI pUjA karI. mAruM hRdaya prabhu samakSa pokArI UThyuM : prabhu ! phUlanA khUNe-khUNe sugaMdha che tema mArA jIvanano khUNe-khUNo paropakArathI sugaMdhita banAvo ! phUlanA kaNa-kaNamAM sauMdarya che... prabhu ! mane paNa karuNAnuM sauMdarya bakSo ! phUlonuM astitva loko mATe AnaMdakArI bane che. mAruM jIvana paNa loko mATe AnaMdita bano ! phUlone ApanA caraNe rahevAnuM saubhAgya maLyuM. prabhu ! mane paNa ApanA caraNanI sevAnuM saubhAgya maLo. phUlo khIlI rahyA hoya ke khIlI gayelA hoya, murajhAtA hoya ke murajhAi gayelA hoya, paNa sugaMdha relAvavAnuM potAnuM kAma choDatA nathI. prabhu ! huM paNa sukhamAM houM ke duHkhamAM, zokamAM houM ke harSamAM, paNa mAruM dharma kartavya kadI na choDuM evI zakti Apo. phUlo potAnI kadI jAherAta karatA nathI. prabhu ! huM paNa jAherAta vinA cUpacApa dharmasAdhanA karyA karuM - evA AzIrvAda varasAvo. prabhu ! phUla e karuNAnuM pratIka che. mAruM jIvana paNa karuNAthI bharyuM-bharyuM banAvo. phUlo cagadAi jaine paNa suvAsa Ape che, huM paNa duHkha veThIne duniyAne ahiMsAnI suvAsa ApuM, evI zakti Apo. duHkha ane dardathI becena banelI duniyAmAM huM amAri pravartanano zaMkhanAda phUMkI saune sukhI jIvananI kaLA batAvI zakuM - evuM sAmarthya Apaje he prabhu !" Atma kathAo * 380 puSpa-pUjA karatAM-karatAM mane eTalo AnaMda thayo ke tyAra pachI rAta-divasa satata enA e vicAromAM huM ramamANa rahevA lAgyo. e pUjAne yAda karI-karIne, prabhu pratye kRtajJa banI-banIne huM mArI jAtane bhAgyazALI mAnavA lAgyo. eka divasa paryuSaNa daramyAna zeThanA kuTuMbIoe upavAsa karelA to meM paNa upavAsa karyo. upavAsa meM kadI paNa karelo nahi. AthI mane bahu kaThaNa thai paDyo. zarIra paNa have jarjarita banI gayuM hatuM. temAMya upavAsa jevuM nimitta maLatAM mane lAgyuM ke have jIvananA dIpakamAMthI AyuSyanuM tela khUTI rahyuM che. huM dharmadhyAnamAM paMca parameSThInAM zaraNamAM layalIna banI gayo. zeThanA kuTuMbIoe paNa sArI niryAmaNA karAvI. chellA zvAsa cAlavA lAgyA. samAdhipUrvaka mAruM mRtyu thayuM. have to tame jANI ja gayA hazo : huM koNa ? huM jayatAka ! marIne huM zuM banyo ? e paNa jANatA ja hazo ? huM banyo kumArapALa ! lUMTArAmAMthI kumArapALa banAvanAra koNa ? gurunI kRpA ane bhagavAnanI bhakti ! Aje paNa pelA duhAmAM tame mane yAda karo cho ne ? "pAMca koDInA phUlaDe, pAmyA deza aDhAra; kumArapALa rAjA thayo, varto jaya-jayakAra." * huM kumArapALa * 381

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(2) rajhaLapATa kumArapALa ! tuM ahIMthI jaladI bhAga. nahito tArA prANa salAmata nathI." huM ArAmathI dadhisthalI (AjanuM dethalI)mAM jIvana gujArI rahyo hato tyAM mane mArA hitasvIe AvA samAcAra ApyA. huM stabdha thai gayo. meM koinI sAthe zatrutA UbhI karI nathI to mane mAravA koNa AvavAnuM che vaLI ? mArI zaMkAnuM samAdhAna karatAM pelAe kahyuM : kumArapALa ! ApaNane koi tarapha zatrubhAva na hoya e barAbara che, paNa thai jatI hoya che. "sAMbhaLa. siddharAja tane mAravA icche che.' 'paNa zA mATe ?" 'tane e vAtanI to khabara ja che ke siddharAjane koi putra nathI. potAno uttarAdhikArI koNa banaze ? e aMge e haMmeza ciMtita rahe che. teNe jainAcArya hemacandrasUrijIne pUchyuM ke mAro uttarAdhikArI koNa banaze ? to javAbamAM aMbikA devI pAsethI jANIne sUrijIe kahyuM che ke tAro uttarAdhikArI kumArapALa thaze. basa, khalAsa ! te divasathI siddharAje tane patAvI devAnuM nakkI karyuM che. paNa mane mAravAnuM koi kAraNa samajAtuM nathI. huM kadAca rAjA banuM to ene zuM vAMdho ? Akhare to huM pitarAI bhAI ja chuM ne ?" loko evI vAto kare che ke - siddharAja game te bhoge kumArapALanuM kATaluM kADhavA mAMge che. koi kahe che ke - siddharAjane AgAhI sAcI paDaze enI khabara to paDI ja gai che, eTale ja e ema icche che. ke kumArapALa marIne mAro putra thAya ne pachI uttarAdhikArI bane. e game tema hoya paNa tane siddharAja mArI nAkhavA mAMge che, emAM lavaleza zaMkA nathI. mATe tuM jaldI kara ! ne ahIMthI tAtkAlika bhAgI nIkaLa. mane A salAha sAcI lAgI. meM bhAgavA mATe taiyArI karI. paNa A zuM ? siddharAjanA sainikoe dadhisthalIne cArebAjuthI gherI lIdhuM hatuM. mArA pitAjI tribhuvanapALa pratikAra karavA sainya pAse jai pahoMcyA hatA. mArA prANa saMkaTamAM hatA, paNa chatAMya huM gupta raste bhAgI chUTyo. mArI mA kAzamIrA, patnI bhopala devI - badhA kuTuMbane choDIne huM bhAgyo. paNa bhAgI-bhAgIne jAuM kyAM ? mArI be baheno hatI : devala ane premala. devalane zAkaMbharInA rAjA arNorAja sAthe paraNAvelI hatI ane premalane kRSNadeva sAthe paraNAvelI. kRSNadeva siddharAjano senApati hato. eTale meM premalabenane tyAM javAnuM nakkI karyuM. huM pATaNa jai pahoMcyo. bena premaladevIe mane premathI Azaro Apyo. huM bhoMyarAmAM guptarUpe rahevA lAgyo. mArA para du:khonI jhaDI varasAvI zarU thai gai. A bAju mane samAcAra maLyA ke mArA pitAnI hatyA thai gai che ne mArI tapAsa jora-zorathI cAlI rahI che. huM bhoMyarAmAM paNa bhaya sAthe jIvI rahyo hato. kadAca siddharAja jANI jaze to ? kRSNadevanA gharane gherI vaLaze to ? mAruM zuM thaze ? mAro rakSaNahAra koNa ? pitAjI to mRtyu pAmyA. huM mAtra covIza varSanI uMmarano taravariyo yuvAna ! saMsArano bahu anubhava nahi. rAjakAraNanA ATApATAno khyAla nahi. sattAnI sAThamArIthI sAva ajANa ! huM paLa-paLe motane najIka AvatuM joi rahyo hato. chatAM jo ke mane bhagavAna para vizvAsa hato. teo mArI game te kSaNe rakSA karaze ja. bholenAtha mahAdeva mArI vahAre nahi Ave ? huM mahAdevano bhakta hato. Akhare mArI zaMkA sAcI paDI. eka divase mArI bene kahyuM : "bhailA ! tuM ahIMthI jaladI bhAga. tuM ahIM che tenI siddharAjane khabara paDI gaI lAge che. hamaNA ja guptacare samAcAra ApyA ke sainiko kumArapALane pakaDavA ahIM AvI rahyA che." 'paNa khabara paDI kema ?' vAta-cItamAM kyAMka mArAthI tAruM nAma bolAi gayuM haze ne te siddharAjanA koi jAsuse sAMbhaLI lIdhuM haze - evuM lAge che. Ameya huM tArI bena chuM eTale tene zaMkA to hoya ja. paNa vIrA ! tuM have jaladI kara. vAta karavAno have samaya nathI. prabhu tArI rakSA kare. tAro mArga nirvidana ho !' Atma kathAo * 382 huM kumArapALa * 383

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emane ema javAmAM to jokhama hatuM. eTale meM tAtkAlika bAvAjIno veSa paherI lIdho. dADhI to bAvAjI jevI vadhelI hatI ja. zarIre bhabhUti lagAvI. hAthamAM cIpIyo lIdho ane huM cUpakIdIthI tyAMthI cAlI nIkaLyo. meM evuM AbehUba veSa parivartana karyuM hatuM ke koi kalpanA ja na karI zake ke A kumArapALa haze ? huM to pATaNanA moTA maMdiramAM bAvAjInI jamAtamAM ghUsI gayo. have bhale teo banevI kRSNadevane tyAM tapAsa kare. pachI mane samAcAra maLyA ke kRSNadevane tyAM siddharAjanA sainikoe ghaNI tapAsa karI, ghaNI dhamakI ApI, cAre bAju badhuM UMdhuM-catuM karI nAkhyuM, paNa kAMi ThekANuM paDyuM nahi. kumAra maLyo nahi. maLe kyAMthI ? A kumArapALa to bAvo banIne chUmaMtara thai gayo hato ! haju mane zaMkA hatI ke siddharAja ema mAro keDo nahi choDe. chatAMya mane AzvAsana hatuM ke huM pakaDAiza nahi. bAvAjInA veSamAM mane koNa pakaDavAnuM che ? paNa vAta kAMi chUpI rahe? sAmAnya lokone to be AMkha hoya, paNa rAjAone to bAra AMkho hoya, guptacaronI AMkho dvArA jotA ja hoya. - rAjAne kyAMkathI khabara paDI gai ke kumArapALa bAvo banyo che. eTale eNe mane pakaDavA SaDayaMtra goThavyuM. pATaNanA tamAma bAvAonuM jamaNa goThavyuM. badhAne AmaMtraNa pAThavavAmAM AvyuM. huM to khuza-khuza thai gayo. calo, Aje rAjAne tyAM jamavA maLaze. ghaNA divasanI bhUkha TaLaze. huM to cAlyo rAjamahela tarapha. paNa mane e khabara nhotI ke A to paMkhIne jALamAM phasAvavA verelA caNa che. haraNane pakaDavA zikArInuM mIThuM saMgIta che. Ama to huMye vicAra karI-karIne pagaluM mUkuM, paNa Aje huM cUkI gayo. peTamAM uMdara bolatA hoya tyAre bhala-bhalA vicArako paNa cUkI jAya to huM koNa ? bhUkha jevuM bIjuM duHkha kayuM che ? bhUkhe rAMDa bhUMDI, AMkha jAya UMDI; paga thAya pANI, AMsu lAve tANI." bhUkha rAMDa ja mane rAjamahela tarapha kheMcI gai. paNa tyAM jamavA jatA dareka bAvAone eka vidhimAMthI pasAra thavuM paDatuM hatuM. badhAnA Atma kathAo * 384 paga dhoyA pachI ja emane aMdara praveza maLato. mArA paNa paga dhovAmAM AvyA ne dhArI-dhArIne jovAmAM AvyA. paga dhovAya tyAM sudhI kAMi vAMdho nahi, paNa jovAnuM kAMi kAraNa ? mArA manamAM zaMkAno kIDo saLavaLyo. tarata ja huM vastusthiti pAmI gayo : oha ! A to mane pakaDavAnuM pAMjaruM ! re, huM uMdara banIne phasAI gayo. teo rAjacihno joi mane oLakhI gayA che. paNa kAMi vAMdho nahi. have mAre koi yukti lagAvI ahIMthI bhAgavuM paDaze. huM jamavA beTho. paNa have mAruM citta jamavAmAM nhotuM. huM to chaTakavAnuM bahAnuM zodhI rahyo hato. sa-rasa svAdiSTa dUdhapAka pIrasAyo. meM peTa bharIne Arogyo. have ? basa, have ja mAre yukti lagAvavAnI hatI ane meM lagAvI dIdhI. moMmAM AMgaLI ghAlI UlaTI karI. A... A... A... jorazorathI meM UlaTI karavA mAMDI. mArI pAsenA bAvAo mArAthI kaMTALyA. teo bolI UThyA : "alyA, ahIM kyAM UlaTI karI ? badhAne ahIM jamavAnuM che enI khabara paDatI nathI ? jA... bhAga ahIMthI.' mane mukko mArIne bAvAoe UThADyo. mAre to ATaluM ja joituM hatuM. huM to UlaTI karato karato tyAMthI bhAgyo. - pAMjarAmAMthI uMdara bhAgI gayelo joi siddharAja dhUMdhavAyo. kyAM che e bAvo ? UlaTInA bahAne bhAgI gayo e ja bAvAthI mAre kAma hatuM. jAva... sainiko ! jaladI e bAvAne pakaDI lAvo.' siddharAje garjanA karI. sainiko mane pakaDavA doDyA. huM tyAMthI jhaDapabhera bhAgI rahyo hato. pATaNanI bahAra pahoMcI gayo hato. tyAM ja... tabaDAka... tabaDAka... tabaDA.. ghoDAonA DAbalA saMbhaLAyA. meM pAchaLa joyuM. are, A to siddharAjanA sainiko. bApa re... marI gayA ! have ? huM page doDuM ne e loko ghoDA para Ave. pakaDAtAM vAra keTalI ? atyAre kyAMka chupAi javAmAM ja cAlAkI che. meM vicAryuM. bAjumAM ja eka kheDUta boraDInA kAMTAono Dhagalo karI rahyo hato. bAjumAM eka khADo hato. huM doDato-doDato tenI pAse pahoMcI gayo. huM kumArapALa * 385

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kheDUtanI AvI bedhaDaka vAto sAMbhaLI sainikono jusso ThaMDo paDI gayo. eka sainike bIjAne kahyuM : "ahIM kumArapALa lAgato nathI. lAge che ke bIje kyAMka chupAi gayo haze ? jo ahIM kumArapALa hoya to ATalI nIDaratAthI A kheDUta bolI zake nahi. sAmAnya rIte jUThA mANasanI vANI nabaLI hoya... bole tyAre paNa Dhacu-pacu ja bole... enI vANImAM bhayanuM kaMpana hoya. paNa A to bilakula nirbhaya vANI che. kyAMya dhrujArI, bhaya ke zaMkAnA cihno jaNAtA nathI. lAge che ke kheDUtanI vAta sAcI che. zaherI mANasa to banAvaTa karIne jUThuM paNa nirbhayatApUrvaka kahI zake, paNa A to gAmaDiyo kheDUta che. e to je hoya te kahI de. Ama paNa kumArapALane bacAvavAmAM ene rasa kyAMthI hoya ? bIjAne bacAvavA koi mANasa potAnI jAtane to khatarAmAM na kahyuM: maherabAna ! mane bacAvo. mArI pAchaLa zatruo paDyA che. hamaNAM ja mane pakaDI leze. koika sthAne mane chUpAvI do." pelA kheDUtane mArI dayA AvI ane mane khADA tarapha AMgaLI cIMdhIne kahyuM : "bAvAjI ! AmAM ghUsI jAva." huM jhaTapaTa aMdara ghUsI gayo. kheDUte upara kAMTA nAkhyA ane dhULa paNa nAkhI. mane kAMTA vAgyA. lohI nIkaLyuM. dhULathI Akho huM kharaDAi gayo. paNa jIva bacAvavAnI vAta che ne ? jIva bacAvavA mANasa zuM na kare ? - "alyA kheDUta ! ahIMthI hamaNAM kumArapALa jato hato te kyAM gayo?' siddharAjanA eka sainikano sattAvAhI avAja Avyo. huM dhrujI UThyo. Aje to bhagavAna ja bacAvaze. huM manomana bhagavAnane prArthI rahyo. 'kumArapALa ? koNa kumArapALa ? huM kumArapALane jANato ja nathI. ahIMthI koi pasAra thayuM ja nathI.' kheDUte javAba dIdho. 'tuM jUThuM bole che. kumArapALane ahIMthI hamaNAM ja jato ame joyelo. eTalIvAramAM kyAM guma thai gayo ?' e huM kAMi na jANuM.' 'tArI cAlAkI rahevA de ane kumArapALa batAva. tuM amArI pAse jUThuM nahi bolI zake. kAraNa ke kumArapALanA pagalAM ahIM ja pUrAM thAya che. sAcI vAta kahI de : kumArapALa kyAM che ? jo tuM kahI daiza to inAma maLaze ane nahitara A talavAra tArA DokA para pharI vaLaze. tuM jANe che : kumArapALa koNa che ? kumArapALa siddharAjano zatru che. tene Azraya ApanAranA prANa ahIM salAmata nathI e to tane khyAla che ne ? "siddharAjano zatru te mAro paNa zatru ja hoya ne ? evA zatrune huM zA mATe Azaro ApuM ? zA mATe mAro jIva jokhamamAM mUkuM ? kumArapALa kAMi mAro sago nathI ke enA mATe huM prANa khatarAmAM mUkuM. chatAM jo tamane evuM lAgatuM hoya to tame ahIM badhe ja zodhI zako cho. tamane huM sahAyaka banIza. jo kumArapALa maLI jAya to tamArI talavAra ne mAruM mAthuM ! basa, ? bIjuM kAMi ?" Atma kathAo * 386 khADAmAM beTho-beTho A badhA saMvAdo sAMbhaLI rahyo hato. atyAra sudhI mAro jIva addhara hato, paNa sainikanI vAto sAMbhaLI jIva kAMika heThe beTho : calo, gamAra jaNAtA kheDUte sArA javAbo ApyA. sainiko mAnI gayA. have kAMi ja tapAsyA vinA jatA raheze. paNa dhAreluM badhuM thoDuM thAya che? huM mane anukULa paDe tevA vicAra karI rahyo hato tyAM ja bIjA sainikano avAja Avyo : "alyA ! tuM bhoLo che. ema kAMi koinI vAta sAcI mAnI levAya nahi. A kheDUta jUThuM nahi bolato hoya enI zI khAtarI ? tane khabara che : "jUThuM bolanArA mANaso to ghaNIvAra sAcuM bolanAra karatAM paNa vadhu nirbhayatAthI bolatA hoya che ? zaherI jUThuM bole ne gAmaDiyA na bole evo ya koi niyama nathI. AjakAla to siddharAjanA rAjyamAM badhe ja bhaNatara vadhyuM che, eTale zaherI ja nahi, gAmaDiyA mANaso paNa cAlAka thai gayA che. eTale kyAMya vizvAsa to na ja mUkI zakAya. vaLI pagalAM ahIM ja pUrA thAya che eTale ahIM ja kyAMka kumArapALa hovo joie. vaLI ATale dUra AvyA chIe to tapAsa to karI laie ! tapAsa karavAmAM jAya che. zuM ApaNuM ? kadAca kumArapALa maLI paNa jAya !" huM kumArapALa * 387

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A sAMbhaLatAM ja mArA hRdayanA dhabakArA ekadama vadhI gayA. have huM zI rIte bacIza ? ziva... ziva... ziva... bholenAtha ! mane ugArajo. mArA roma-roma bhagavAnane yAda karI rahyA. baMne sainikono avAja baMdha thayo. tapAsavAnuM cAlu thayuM. sAthe pelo kheDUta paNa hato. khetaramAM badhe ja pheravyA. sapATa khetaramAM tapAsavA jevuM to bIjuM zuM hoya? jhADI-jhAMkharA, jhADanI bakholo vagere batAvyuM. Akhare mArA khADA pAse AvyA. kheDUte kahyuM : A khADAne paNa tapAsI lo." mane kheDUta para jarA gusso Avyo : are... A gamAre to badhuM pANI-DhoLa karI nAkhyuM. have ? paNa bIjI ja paLe meM vicAryuM : nA.. nA... kheDUta ema to cAlAka che. mArI dhAraNAthI vadhu hoMziyAra che. eNe Ama kahevuM ja joie. to ja sainikone vizvAsa bese ne ? jo thoDI paNa AnAkAnI kare athavA thoDA paNa AMkha ADA kAna kare to sainiko tarata ja vadhu vahemAya ane saghana tapAsa kare. cANakya paNa caMdraguptane bacAvavA naMdanA sainikone Ama ja kahyuM hatuM ne ? jAva... pelA taLAvamAM... khoLI lo caMdraguptane, ane sAce ja caMdragupta taLAvamAM ja hato. jyAM e sainiko taLAvamAM UtaryA tyAM ja cANakya pAchaLathI emanI ja talavArathI emanA DokAM kApI nAkhyA. jo ke A kheDUta cANakya nathI. chatAM buddhino bhaMDAra to che ja. emAM zaMkAne sthAna nathI ja. mArI gaNatarI sAcI paDI. sainikoe khADAmAM bahu tapAsa na karI. uparachalluM joyuM. upara dhULa paDelI joine kahyuM : A to keTalAya divasano pUrAyelo khADo lAge che ! ahIM kumArapALa hoi zake nahi." tyAre pharI bIjAe kahyuM : na hoi zake ema to huM paNa anumAna karI zakuM chuM. chatAM ApaNe cakAsaNI to karI ja levI joie. e cakAsaNI mATe kAMTA kADhIne Akho khADo khAlI karavAnI jarUra nathI. mAtra eka bhAlo ghocIe eTale patyuM ! kumArapALa haze to bhAlo lohIvALo to thaze ne ?" bhAlo ? nakhathI mAMDIne zikhA sudhI mArA zarIramAM jhaNajhaNATI vyApI gai. zuM thaze ? are bhagavAna ! ziva... ziva... ziva... khacAka.. mArI bAjumAM ja bhAlo Avyo. huM sahejamAM ja bacI gayo. bhAlAnI aNI mATIvALI joi eka sainika bolI UThyo : calo... A khADAmAM to kumArapALa nathI ja. ahIM ja bIje kyAMka tapAsa karIe ! bAkI kumArapALane zodhyA vinA javuM nathI. jo emane ema jaizuM to siddharAja dhULa kADhI nAkhaze !' tyAM bIjo sainika bolyo : "dhULa kADhe to bhale kADhe ! ApaNe zAMtithI sAMbhaLI laizuM ! be kAna che ne ! eka kAnathI sAMbhaLavuM ne bIjA kAnathI... !" 'tArI vAta sAcI che kumArapALane zodhavAmAM ApaNe jarAya kacAza rAkhI nathI. chatAMya na maLyo to ApaNe zuM karIe ? calo... calo... ghaNo vakhata thai gayo che. savArathI ApaNe kAMi ja khAdhuM nathI. mane to have cakkara Ave che ! "calo... huM paNa tArI vAtamAM saMmata chuM !' ane siddharAjanA sainiko nirAza thaI pAchA vaLyA. tabaDAka.. tabaDAka... tabaDAka... ghoDAonA DAbalAono avAja kyAMya sudhI saMbhaLAi rahyo. thoDIvAra pachI kheDUte khADAmAMthI kAMTA kAcA ane mane kahyuM : have tame bahAra nIkaLo. sainiko jatA rahyA che. atyAra pUrato tamArA parathI bhaya jato rahyo che. mane to khabara nahi ke tame kumArapALa cho. meM to eka bAvAjIne dhAryA hatA. sainikonA mukhethI jANyuM ke tame kumArapALa cho. tamArA jevAnI sevA karavAnI taka maLatAM mane khUba ja AnaMda thayo che.' bahAra nIkaLyo. mAruM zarIra boraDInA kAMTAthI lohIluhANa thai gayuM hatuM. tenA para vaLI dhULa coTI gai hatI. keTalAya kAMTA to haju khUMpelA hatA. dayALu kheDUte mArA zarIra paranA kAMTA sApha karyA. zarIra sApha karyuM ane mane jamavA mATe kahyuM. nA pADavAno koi savAla nahoto. bhUkha paNa khUba ja lAgI hatI. huM jamavA besI gayo. sUkko roTalo ! goLa ane chAsa ! vAha ! zuM AnaMda Avyo ! dUdhapAka purImAM je AnaMda na Ave te chAsa-roTalAmAM Avyo. bhUkha vinA mAla-malIdA paNa nakAmA ne bhUkha hoya to sUkkA roTalA paNa zreSTha ! kharo svAda bhUkhamAM che, huM kumArapALa * 389 Atma kathAo * 388

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vAnagImAM nahi, AvuM satya mane have samajAvA lAgyuM hatuM. atyAra sudhI to huM dadhisthalImAM jAgIradArI ThATha bhogavato hato eTale bhUkha zuM che? teno khyAla ja nhoto. mAla-malIdA roja maLatA paNa bhUkha nhotI maLatI. bhUkha lagADavA huM kyAreka koika nusakhA paNa zodhato. have hAlata evI thai gai ke mAre roTalo zodhavo paDe che ! garIba ane zrImaMtanI avasthAno khyAla Avyo. garIba roTalI zodhe ne zrImaMta bhUkha zodhe ! garIba pathArI zodhe ne zrImaMta UMgha zodhe ! zodha baMnenI samAna hoya che chatAM bhUkha ane UMgha zodhanAra zrImaMta karatAM roTalI ane pathArInI zodha karanAra garIba, apekSAe vadhu sukhI hoya che. garIba kheDUtonI paNa potAnI mastI hoya che ! khullA AkAzanA chatra nIce khullI dharatI sAthe kAma karatA kheDUtane je AnaMda Ave te AnaMda taLAimAM poDhelA zrImaMtone paNa nathI - e paNa pahelIvAra samajAyuM. meM kheDUtano AbhAra mAnyo. pUchyuM : 'tamAruM nAma zuM che ?' mahArAja ! mane loko "bhImo' kahe che ! kheDUte kahyuM. atyAre to huM mahArAjA nathI, dara-dara bhaTakato, rakhaDu jiMdagI bhogavato abhizapta mAnava chuM. paNa bhImAbhAi ! dareka duHkhano aMta hoya che. dareka rAtanA aMte avazya savAra thatI hoya che. mArA jIvanamAM paNa eka divasa sukhanI savAra Ugaze evI cokkasa khAtarI che. jyAre tame ema sAMbhaLo ke kumArapALa pATaNano rAjA thayo che tyAre tame avazya mArI pAse Avajo. tyAre huM tamArA upakArano badalo kaMika aMze paNa vALI zakIza. tame mArI jAna bacAvyo... e upakArane huM kadI paNa bhUlI zakuM tema nathI. sAthe-sAthe e paNa sAcuM che ke huM atyAre tamane kazuM ApI zake tema paNa nathI. huM pote atyAre akiMcana avasthAmAM chuM.' 'are kumArapALa ! AmAM ApavA-levAnI vAta ja kyAM ? A to mANasa tarIkenI mArI pharaja hatI. meM te bajAvI che. mane pUrNa saMtoSa thayo che. mANasa jo mANasano sahAyaka nahi bane to koNa banaze ?" bhImA kheDUte namratApUrNa javAba Apyo. huM have javAnI taiyArI karavA lAgyo. bhImAe mane kahyuM : "kumArapALa ! tame ahIMthI have tarata ja jatA raho - emAM tamAruM kalyANa che. haju tamArA mAthe motanI talavAra laTakI rahI che. siddharAja tamArA mAthA mATe AkAza-pAtALa eka karI rahyo che. paNa mane vizvAsa che ke bhagavAna tamArI rakSA karaze. mAranAra karatAM haMmezA tAranAra baLavAna che. kumArapALa ! padhAro. tamAruM bhAvi ujjavaLa bano. tamAro mArga niSkaTaka bano.' bhImA kheDUtanI AziSa laI huM cAlato thayo ! bhImA kheDUtane tyAMthI vidAya lai huM thoDuMka cAlyo to kharo... paNa cittamAM ciMtAnI samaDIo cakkara mAratI hatI. kyAM javuM ? teno vicAra nhoto. huM basa emaja cAlI rahyo hato. huM pote ja jANe mArA pagone pUchI rahyo hato : o pago ! tame cAlo to cho, paNa mane kai tarapha lai jAva cho ! mane kazI khabara nhotI : huM kyAM jAuM chuM. jANe paga calAve tema cAlyo jato hato. meM vicAryuM : kyAM dadhisthalI jAuM? nA... tyAM nathI javuM. siddharAjane khabara paDaze to vaLI Aphata Avaze.. mArA kAraNe mArA kuTuMbane paNa takalIpha paDaze. enA karatAM evA sthAne pahoMcI jAuM... jyAM siddharAja mane zodhI zake nahi. meM aravallInA pahADomAM javA vicAryuM. thoDA divasa pahADomAM rahyo paNa kharo. paraMtu khAvAnuM koNa Ape ? rahevuM kyAM ? sUvuM kyAM ? jaMgalomAM thoDAka divaso pasAra karI meM pAchA javA vicAryuM. rastAmAM tAraNa parvata para huM rokAyo. tyAM meM eka adbhuta ghaTanA joi. Ama to jo ke roja mane jaMgalamAM navI-navI ghaTanAo jovA maLatI ja hatI, paNa e badhI vAto javA do. huM mahattvapUrNa ghaTanA kahuM. ArAmathI jhADa nIce beTho hato tyAre eka uMdara joyo. enA moMmAM sonAmahora hatI. huM stabdha thai gayo. uMdara ane sonAmahora ? uMdarane vaLI sonAmahoro sAthe zuM levA-devA? mANaso to sonAmahoro joIne malake.. paNa ahIM to uMdara paNa malake che. re, sonA ! tAruM gajabanuM AkarSaNa che ! uMdare daramAMthI eka pachI eka sonAmahoro kADhavA mAMDI. Dhagalo karIne AsapAsa nAcavA lAgyo. jarUra pUrvabhavamAM A koi lobhI vepArI hovo joie. enA ja A saMskAro lAge che. mANasane huM kumArapALa : 391 Atma kathAo * 390

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to pazutAnA saMskAro naDe, paNa kyAreka pazune paNa mANasanA kusaMskAro naDatA hoya che. mAruM mana vicArI rahyuM. tyAre mAruM khIsuM khAlI hatuM. meM vicAryuM : A uMdarane sonAmahorothI zuM kAma che ? eNe kyAM vepAra karavo che ? mAre atyAre khAsa jarUra che. huM lai lauM to sAruM raheze. meM badhI sonAmahoro lai lIdhI. gaNI. 21 hatI. have huM jovA lAgyo H uMdara zuM kare che ? sonAmahoro jatAM te zuM karaze ? raDaze ? taraphaDaze ? sAce ja ema ja thayuM. uMdaraDo taraphaDavA lAgyo. jhUravA lAgyo. hAya ! hAya ! kayo cora mArI sonAmahoro corI gayo ? kadAca enuM mana bolI rahyuM hatuM. kyAMya sonAmahoro na dekhAtAM ene eTalo AghAta lAgyo ke te bAjunI zilA para mAthuM aphALI-aphALI mRtyu pAmyo. huM kAMi vicAruM na vicAruM tyAM sudhImAM to enA rAma ramI gayA hatA. mArA nimitte uMdaranuM thayeluM mRtyu joine mAruM hRdaya valovAi gayuM. arere... kevI bhayaMkara hiMsA ! huM pazcAttApanI gaMgAmAM snAna karI rahyo. mane tyAre kyAM khabara hatI ke pazcAttApanI A gaMgAmAMthI ja ahIM bhavya maMdiranuM nirmANa thaze ? eka divasa huM hemacandrasUrijI pAse AnuM prAyazcitta mAgIza ane te prAyazcittarUpe ahIM baMdhAveluM gaganacuMbI maMdira, mUSakavihAra (tAraMgA tIrtha)' tarIke oLakhAze ne sadIo sudhI bhavyAtmAone pavitratAnI preraNA ApatuM raheze ? have mane kuTuMba yAda AvavA lAgeluM. ghaNo vakhata thai gayo hato. dadhisthalI choDyA ne, huM te tarapha jai rahyo hato. rastAmAM udirA gAme devazrI nAmanI mahilAe mArI suMdara sevA karI. huM khuza thai gayo. meM kahyuM : bena ! sAce ja meM tane dharmanI bena tarIke sthApI che. jyAre huM pATaNanI rAjagAdI para AvIza tyAre tArA hAthe rAjatilaka karAvIza. devazrInI madhura smRtane vAgoLato huM dadhisthalI pahoMcyo. kuTuMbane maLyo. khUba ja AnaMda Avyo. paNa AnaMda mArA nasIbamAM kyAM lakhAyelo hato ? mAre to haju ghaNuM rakhaDavAnuM hatuM. siddharAja mane kyAM choDe ema hato ? huM siddharAjane kadAca bhUlI jAuM... paNa e mane bhUle tema nhoto. Atma kathAo * 392 thoDA divasomAM ja mane samAcAra maLyA : kumArapALa ! tamArA prANa khatarAmAM che ! dadhisthalIne pharate siddharAjanA sainikoe ghero ghAlI dIdho che. game tema karIne have tame bhAgI chUTo. jo ke bhAgI zakavuM paNa zakya nathI. kyAMka chupAi jazo to ja kadAca bacI zakAze.' ziva ziva ziva. A siddharAja mAro kyAre keDo choDaze? Adu khAine mArI pAchaLa paDyo che. meM enuM evuM te zuM bagADyuM che ? prabhu ! mane bacAvo ! tArA sivAya mAre koi AdhAra nathI. meM prabhune yAda karavA mAMDyA. paNa atyAre to lAgatuM hatuM ke jANe prabhu paNa kAMi sAMbhaLe ema nathI. mArI jagyAe jo bIjo koi hoya to prabhu paranI zraddhA ja UThI jAya ne kahI de : prabhu-prabhu jevI koi cIja nathI. prabhu kyAranoya marI paravAryo che. e jo hoya to AvA anyAyo zA mATe ? mArA jevA nirdoSa mANasane bhayabhIta thaine kema jIvavuM paDe ? paNa huM to bhagavAna pratye parama zraddhALu hato. AvI musIbatomAM paNa prabhu ja mArI rakSA karI rahyA che. evI mane pratIti thatI hatI. jo prabhunI kRpA mArA para na hoya to siddharAjanA ATalA badhA prayatno chatAM huM jIvato zI rIte rahI zakuM ? rAjA jenA para rUThe ene maratAM vAra keTalI ? paNa rAjAnA paNa rAjA - prabhu-nI mArA para rahema najara hatI. rAma rAkhe tene koNa cAkhe ? nI pratIti mane Dagale-pagale thatI hatI. mANasa pAse jovAnI AMkha joie. AMkhamAM jo zraddhAnuM amRta bharyuM haze to comera prabhu-kRpAnA darzana thaze. azraddhAnuM viSa bharyuM haze to badheja anyAya, arAjakatA ane avakRpA ja dekhAze. Akhare to badhI ja sRSTi tamArI dRSTine AdhIna che. huM to bhAgyo... kyAMka chupAi rahevAnI jagyA zodhavA. pharatopharato eka kuMbhAranA nibhADA pAse jai pahoMcyo. meM kuMbhArane kahyuM : 'mahAnubhAva ! iMTa pakavavAno A nibhADo che temAM mane chupAvI do ne ! mArI pAchaLa mAro jAna levA siddharAjanA sainiko bhamI rahyA che.' potAnA mAlikanI AvI dazA joi kuMbhAranuM hRdaya dravI UThyuM. e bolI UThyo : 'svAmI ! Apa A iMTonA nibhADAmAM chUpAi jAva. huM kumArapALa * 393

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koine khabara nahi paDe. huM mArA prANa javA daiza paNa Apane AMca nahi AvavA dauM... mArA zarIranuM lohInuM ekeka TIpuM ApanI rakSA karavA utsuka che.' kuMbhAranI AvI vaphAdArI joi mAruM hRdaya jhUmI UThyuM. prajAne jo rAjAe barAbara sAcavI hoya to rAjA mATe prajA potAnA prANa pAtharavA paNa taiyAra thai jAya che. e satyanI mane pratIti thai. huM nibhADAnI aMdara ghUsI gayo. mArI AsapAsa ITo goThavI devAmAM AvI. aMdara huM evo goMdhAvA lAgyo ke zvAsa levAnuM paNa muzkela banyuM ! jIvana-maraNa vacce huM jholA khAvA lAgyo. prabhu ! AvA duHkho koine nahi ApatA. mANasane tarata ja mArI nAkhajo... paNa AvI rIte ribAvatA nahi. kyAreka huM A rIte prabhu samakSa mAro Akroza ThAlavI deto hato. dadhisthalInA zUnya gharo, devaLo, gokhalAo, aTArIo, bhoMyarAo, oraDAo, oraDIo, makAno, dukAno, galIo vagere tamAma sthaLe bArIkAithI tapAsa karatI siddharAjanI senA ahIM AvI pahoMcI. cArebAju tapAsa zarU thai. mArI nADInA dhabakArA vadhI gayA. dareka vakhate prabhue mArI rakSA karI che, A vakhate nahi kare ? mAruM prabhu-vizvAsu hRdaya bolI rahyuM. mArI prabhu-zraddhA phaLI. badhe sthAne tapAsa karanArA sainiko nibhADA pAse ITonA DhagalA pAse paNa AvI pahoMcyA. paNa bahu UMDI tapAsa na karI. iTonA DhagalAmAM kumArapALa zI rIte hoi zake ? ahIM rahe to aMdara goMdhAi-goMdhAine ja marI jAya. AvuM kAMka vicArIne teo cAlatA thayA. mArA jIvamAM jIva Avyo. prabhu ! pharI eka vakhata tAro AbhAra mAnuM chuM. jagadhaNI ! meM tane kyAMya joyo nathI... paNa mane tArI kRpAnA to Dagale-pagale darzana thAya che. tArA astitvanuM pramANa AnAthI adhika bIjuM kayuM hoi zake ? dhajAthI maMdira jaNAya, dhUmADAthI AganI khAtarI thAya, tema prabhu ! tArI kRpAthI tArA astitvanI mane khAtarI thai rahI che. mAruM hRdaya manomana prabhu pratye kRtajJatAthI jhUkI rahyuM. thoDI vAra pachI ITonA DhagalAmAMthI bahAra kADhIne kuMbhAre kahyuM: Atma kathAo * 394 annadAtA ! atyAre to Apa bacI gayA cho, paNa have ahIM rahevuM Apane hitakara nathI. Apa kyAMka bahAra... dUra... sudUra pahoMcI jAva. e ApanA hitamAM che. kAraNa ke ahIM to siddharAja tamane kyAMya choDe tema nathI. kuMbhAranI vAta kharI hatI. kuTuMbanA mohamAM huM ahIM vyartha ja Avyo hato. pharI meM jAnanuM jokhama hAthe karIne UbhuM karyuM. have huM vAraMvAra jheranA akhatarA karavA mAMgato hato. paNa kyAMka dUra javAnuM nakkI karyuM. kuMbhArane pUchyuM: 'tamAruM nAma zuM ?' 'mAruM nAma 'sarjana' che mahArAja !' kuMbhAre kahyuM. "oha ! sajjana ! nAma tevA guNa che tamArAmAM. phaibAe bahu ja samajaNapUrvaka tamAruM nAma sajjana rAkhyuM che. sarjanabhAi ! kharuM kahuM chuM : tamArA jevA sajjanothI ja A dharatI TakI rahI che. upakArane karanArA ane karelA upakArane jANanArA A be mahApuruSothI ja dharatI rasAtaLamAM nathI gai. tamArA prANa rakSAnA upakArane huM zI rIte bhUlI zakuM ? atyAre to huM kAMi ApI zakuM tema nathI, paNa tame jyAre sAMbhaLo ke pATaNamAM kumArapALa rAjA thayo che tyAre mArI pAse AvI jajo. huM tyAre kaMika RNa adA karI zakIza." "ApanI e sajjanatA che, paNa mArI evI badalo levAnI koi bhAvanA nathI. tamane bacAvatAM atyAre je mane AnaMda thayo e ja mAre mana moTI vAta che. badalo laine huM upakArano vepAra karavA mAMgato nathI." 'tame bhale na iccho. tamAre na ja icchavuM joie. paNa huM zI rIte bhUlI zakuM ?' meM kahyuM ane tarata ja meM vidAya lIdhI. | 'hajAra hAthavALo bhagavAna tamArI rakSA kare. tamAro paMtha kaMTaka hIna ho ! tamArI duHkhanI rAta vItI jaladI sukhanuM prabhAta pragaTo." sarjana kuMbhAranA chellA zabdo saMbhaLAI rahyA. e zabdomAM paNa sajjanatA pratibiMbita thatI hatI. have paLavAra paNa dadhisthalImAM rahI zakAya tema nahotuM. huM vosiri nAmanA brAhmaNanI sAthe keTalAka divase khaMbhAta jai pahoMcyo. huM kumArapALa : 395

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tyAM meM sAMbhaLyuM ke jainAcArya zrI hemacandrasUri ahIM ja birAjamAna che. meM emanI prasiddhi ghaNI ja sAMbhaLI hatI. emanI vidvattA, emanI pratibhA, emanuM vAtsalya, emanI vAkapaTutA khUba ja adbhuta che. kyAMya joTo na jaDe evA addabhuta e puNyapuruSa che. emanI pAse javAthI jANe ApaNe apAra jJAnanA sAgara pAse AvyA hoie tevI pratIti thAya. emanuM jJAna eTaluM vizAla che ke temane sarvajJa jevA kahevAmAM Ave che. ema meM lokonA mukhe ghaNIvAra sAMbhaLyuM hatuM. siddharAjanA e rAjaguru hatA. mane paNa temanA pratye Adara hato. huM temanA upAzraye pahoMcI gayo. AcAryazrI tyAre upadeza ApI rahyA hatA. Akho upAzraya hakaDeThaTha bharelo hato. huM paNa pAchaLa besI gayo. oha ! zuM upadezanI paddhati ! saraLa bhASA ! madhura vANI ! sahaja layabaddha pravAha ! viSayanuM sacoTa nirUpaNa ! kyAMya Aveza nahi. kyAMya bUma-barADA nahi. saMpUrNa svasthatApUrvaka adhyAtmane sparzatI vANI ! jANe khaLa... khaLa... vahetI gaMgA ! e gaMgAnA pravAhamAM ApaNe paNa vahetA ja jaie... vahetA ja jaie... kSaNe-kSaNe "have zuM Avaze ? have zuM Avaze ?'nI jijJAsAne utpanna karatI vANI sAce ja abhuta hatI. koyalano TahukAra, rUpAnI ghaMTaDI, gaMdharvanI vINA vagere tamAma avAjonI mIThAza jANe A eka ja avAjamAM saMgRhIta banI hatI. vyAkhyAna kyAre pUruM thai gayuM tenI paNa mane khabara na paDI. haju paNa cAlyA kare to sAruM - evA samasta zrotAonA bhAva sAthe vyAkhyAna pUruM thayuM. zrAvako badhA gayA tyAre huM pUjaya AcAryazrI pAse gayo. mArI ApavItI saMbhaLAvI ane kahyuM: "gurudeva ! atyAre to huM bhUtanI jema bhaTakI rahyo chuM. rakhaDu bhIkhArI jevI jiMdagI gujArI rahyo chuM. mArA duHkhono aMta kyAre Avaze ? mANaso kahe che ke dareka rAtano aMta hoya che. dareka duHkhano paNa aMta hoya che. paNa mArI rAtano kyAre aMta Avaze ? mArA jIvanamAM sukhanI savAra kyAre Ugaze ? prabhu ! huM 24 varSanI uMmarathI Ama ja bhaTakI rahyo chuM. siddharAjanA trAsathI satata bhayabhIta jIvana jIvavuM paDe che. satata bhaya nIce jIvatA mANasonuM jIvana Atma kathAo * 396 kevuM karuNa hoya e to anubhava kare tene samajAya. gurudeva ! have mArA duHkhono vistAra kyAre ?" - pUjya gurudeve karuNAddha citte kahyuM : "kumArapALa ! eTaluM yAda rAkha ke haMmezAM mahApuruSonA jIvanamAM ja duHkho ghaNA Ave che. duHkho ja emanA jIvanane ghaDe che. mane eka to mahApuruSa evo batAva jenA jIvanamAM duHkha na AvyuM hoya ? rAmacaMdrajI, pAMca pAMDava, harizcaMdra, sanatkumAra vagere tamAmane yAda kara. keTalA badhA duHkho AvyA hatA emanA jIvanamAM ? loko emane Aje paNa zA mATe yAda kare che ? duHkhonI agniparIkSAmAMthI teo pAra UtaryA hatA mATe. kumArapALa ! tuM noMdhI rAkha ke agniparIkSA haMmezAM sonAnI thAya che, kathIranI nahi. grahaNa haMmezAM sUrya ane caMdranuM thAya che, tArAonuM nahi. mahApuruSonA jIvanamAM ja moTA duHkho Ave che, sAmAnya mANasonA jIvanamAM nahi. tArA para ATalA badhA duHkho AvI paDyA emAM paNa huM to kudaratanuM koi adbhuta Ayojana joi rahyo chuM. nisarga tane e duHkho dvArA ghaDI koi viziSTa vyakita banAvavA mAMge che. kuMbhAra ghaDAne bajAramAM mUkatA pahelAM nibhADAmAM tene tapAve che, tema kudarata paNa tane atyAre tapAvIne majabUta banAvI rahI che. bIja dharatImAM ekAMta ane garamInA du:kho sahana kare che, tyAre ja vRkSa banI zake che. paththara zilpInA TAMkaNa sahana kare che tyAre ja pratimAnuM rUpa dhAraNa karI zake che. mArI ArSadRSTi joi rahI che ke tArA para paNa atyAre du:khanA TAMkaNA paDI rahyA che te nirarthaka nathI. ekeka TAMkaNA dvArA tArI aMdara paDelo paththara pratimAnuM rUpa dhAraNa karato jAya che ane eka divasa Avaze jyAre tuM pratimA banIne jagatanA cokamAM AvIza. aMbikAdevInAM vacano huM Aje paNa bhUlyo nathI. tuM avazya eka divasa gujarAtano rAjA banIza kumArapALa !" 'paNa gurudeva ! kyAre ? "huM rAjA banIza." eTalI jo Ape AgAhI karI to sAthe-sAthe e paNa batAvI do ke huM kyAre rAjA banIza? matalaba ke kayA divase ?" "vi.saM. 1199 mAgazara vada cothanA divase tuM pATaNanI huM kumArapALa : 397

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rAjagAdI para birAjamAna thaiza. A mArI bhaviSyavANI che. jA, tArA magajanA pAnA para lakhI rAkha." gurudevanI AvI daDhatAbharI vANI sAMbhaLI mane have kAMika dharapata thai. udayana maMtrI pAse ja UbhA hatA. teo mane potAne ghera laI gayA ane mane premathI jamADyo. mane lAgyuM : have e duHkhanA divaso gayA. rajhaLapATanA divaso pUrA thayA. paNa haMmezanI jema pharI eka vakhata mArI AzA ThagArI nIvaDI. mane koie AvIne kahyuM : kumArapALa ! sAvadhAna ! tuM ahIM che, tenI khabara siddharAjane paDI che. tane mAravA mATe sainiko AvI rahyA che. jaladI-jaladI tArI surakSAno baMdobasta karI le. huM khaLabhaLI UThyo. khaMbhAtamAM mAre javuM kyAM ? dadhisthalImAM ghara hatuM. pATaNamAM bena-banevI hatA... paNa ahIM koNa ? are... jenuM koi nathI enA bhagavAna che, guru che. mAre ciMtA zuM karavAnI ? bhagavAnanA pratinidhi gurudevazrI hemacandrasUrijI ahIM ja che. emanuM ja zaraNuM pakaDI lauM... huM tarata ja tyAM pahoMcyo. gurudeva vastusthiti pAmI gayA. kahyuM: ciMtA na kara. badhA sArAM vAnAM thaze. aMbikA devInuM vacana kadI asatya nahi thAya. cAla, mArI sAthe. huM kahuM tyAM chupAi jA. huM emanI sAthe upAzrayanI nIcenA bhoMyarAmAM gayo. tyAM puSkaLa tADapatrIya graMtho ane tADapatrono Dhagalo paDyo hato. tame e to jANatA ja hazo ke hemacandrasUrijI to mahAna graMthakAra hatA. graMtho ja emanuM jIvana hatuM. emanI pAse jyAre jaie tyAre graMthonuM kAMine kAMi kAma cAlatuM ja hoya. enA mATe tADapatro vagere paNa paDyA ja hoya. tADapatrono Avo sAmAna bhoyarAmAM paDyo hato. mane temaNe kahyuM : tADapatronA ane graMthonA DhagalAmAM chUpAi jA. ame tArI upara ane AsapAsa pustako ane tADapatro goThavI daizuM. huM bhagavAnanuM nAma lai tyAM besI gayo. thoDI ja vAramAM siddharAjanA sainiko AvI pahoMcyA. khaMbhAtamAM badhe ja tapAsa karatA-karatA Akhare upAzraye AvyA. pUchyuM : "kyAM che kumArapALa ?' Atma kathAo * 398 sUrijIe pUrI svasthatAthI kahyuM : kumArapALa ? ahIM kumArapALa kevo ne vAta kevI ? tamane koie jUThI vAta kahI lAge che. - AcAryazrIe jIvanabhara asatyano tyAga karyo hato, chatAM Aje teo jUThuM bolyA hatA. tame kahezo : Ama kema ? zuM jUThuM bolavAthI AcAryazrInA satyavratanuM khaMDana na thayuM ? nA... jarAya nahi. ulaTuM satyavrata vadhu majabUta thayuM. satyavratano artha e nathI ke badhI sAcI vAto kahI devI. kANAne kANo, AMdhaLAne AMdhaLo, sAcuM che toya na kahevAya, satya paNa ahitakara, hiMsAvardhaka ke apriya hoya to kahI zakAya nahi. mAnI lo ke jaMgalamAM zikArIe eka mANasane haraNa kyAM gayA che ? ema pUchyuM - ne pelo tenA javAbamAM, 'pote joyA hovA chatAM meM nathI joyA' ema kahe to jUThuM bolyo kahevAya ? A jUThuM hovA chatAM jUThuM nathI. asatya bolavA chatAM satyavrata majabUta karyuM kahevAya. mArA pUjya gurudevazrI to agAdha jJAnI hatA. anupama gItArtha hatA. emaNe je jUThA vacanano prayoga karyo e paNa satyanI rakSA mATe. e emanA jJAnamAM mane dhArmika rAjA tarIke joi rahyA hatA. jaina zAsananI mahAna prabhAvanA joi rahyA hatA. jyAM AvaDo moTo lAbha dekhAto hoya tyAM nAnakaDuM asatya, "asatyazI rIte gaNAya ? mANasane ja nahi, pazuone bacAvavA paNa kadAca jUThuM bolavuM paDe to paNa te dharma che to mANasane... mANasamAM paNa bhaviSyamAM dhArmika rAjA bananArane bacAvavAnI bAbatamAM to pUchavuM ja zuM ? sainikoe upAzraya joyo. bhoMyarAmAM paNa AvyA, paraMtu pustakonA DhagalA joi, 'AmAM kumArapALa zI rIte hoi zake ?' vicArIne pAchA gayA. mArA haiye zAMti thai. meM gurudevanA caraNe mAthuM namAvyuM ane AMsu sAratAM kahyuM : gurudeva ! Apa mArA parama hitakara cho. Apano dayAmaya jaina dharma kevo hoya teno namUno Aje mane jovA maLyo che. Ape mArA prANa bacAvyA. Apano badalo huM zI rIte cUkavuM? chatAM eTaluM kahuM chuM ke jo huM pATaNanI gAdIe besIza to avazya Apane guru banAvIza. huM kumArapALa : 399

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(3) huM rAjA banyo have siddharAjanA bhayathI saMpUrNa mukta banavA meM mALavA tarapha prayANa AdaryuM. have siddharAja taraphathI bhaya ocho thai gayo hato. jo ke bhaya hato to kharo ja, paNa mALavA gujarAtathI dUra paDI jAya eTale mArI guptatA jaLavAi rahI. keTalAka vakhata sudhI huM tyAM rahyo. jainAcArya zrI hemacandracAryanI AgAhI pramANe vi.saM. 1199 mA.va. 4nI huM rAha jovA lAgyo ane e vakhata jota-jotAmAM AvI pahoMcyo. duHkhanA dahADA jo ke lAMbA lAgatA hoya che, chatAM have mane pahelAM jeTaluM duHkha hotuM. rajhaLapATa maTI gai hatI. moTuM duHkha anubhavyuM hoya pachI sAmAnya duHkha to kAMi ja na lAge. ulaTuM emAM paNa sukha lAge. mAre paNa evuM ja thayuM. alpaduHkhavALo mAro e samaya jhaDapabhera pasAra thai gayo. haju to vikrama saMvata 1199nA nUtana varSanI zarUAta ja hatI tyAM mane samAcAra maLyA : kA.su. 3nA siddharAja mRtyu pAmyo che. maratAMmaratAM siddharAje kaheluM che ke - mArA uttarAdhikArI tarIke senApati cAhaDane sthApavo. kumArapALane to nahi ja. paraMtu prajA tathA maMtrIono evo mata che ke tribhuvanapALanA putromAMthI ja koi rAjA thavo joie. kAraNa ke rAjyanA sAcA vArasadAra teo che. siddharAjanA najIkanA sagAo teo ja che. huM tarata ja pATaNa pahoMcyo. siddharAjanI atyeSTi thaI cUkI hatI. sattAnI sAThamArI cAlu hatI. sAmaMto-maMtrIo vageremAM 'rAjA' kone banAvavo? te aMge matabhedo UbhA thayA hatA. sAmAnya rIte mRtyu pachI 12 divasamAM navA rAjAnI sthApanA thai javI joie - e prAcIna paraMparA paNa jaLavAI nhotI. enAthI vadhAre divaso vItI gayA hatA. ghaDIbhara to mane thai AvyuM : AvI sattAnI sAThamArImAM mAre zA mATe javuM joie ? huM rAjA na thayo to zuM pharaka paDavAno che? sArA mANasoe to sattAthI dUra ja rahevuM joie. sattA eTale gaMdavADa ! naryo kAdava ! tyAM sArA mANasane paNa bagaDI jatAM vAra na lAge ! sattAno koka nazo ja evo che ! paNa bIjI ja paLe mane vicAra Avyo : sArA mANaso jo sattAthI dUra raheze to duSTa mANaso to taiyAra ja che ! sArA mANaso sattAthI dUra rahe teno artha e thayo ke temaNe hAthe karIne durjana mANasone taka ApI. sattA AvyA pachI "sArA" rahI zakAya nahi, mATe sattAthI dUra bhAgavuM e to naryo palAyanavAda thayo. evA sArA mANasanI sajjanatA napuMsaka puravAra thai gaNAya. jo kharekhara sajjanatA hoya to sattA maLatAM e zA mATe cAlI jAya - e takalAdI samajavI. taDako lAgatAM ja je raMga UDI jAya te haLadariyo samajavo. jo sajjanatA sAcuM sonuM hoya to sattAnI Aga maLatAM vadhu jhaLakavuM joie. jo na jhaLake huM kumArapALa * 401 Atma kathAo * 400

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to samajavuM ke e sonuM nahi, kathIra hatuM ! duSTone ane temanI duSTatAne haThAvavAno mArga palAyanavAda nathI. palAyanavAdathI duSTo vadhu majabUta thaze. teo to tema ja icche che ke sajjano bhAgI jAya. 'rAvaNo'ne paDakAravA haze to 'rAmo'e dUra na bhAgavuM joie. sAme caDavuM joie. duniyAbharanA tamAma "rAma" ekaThA thai jAya to "rAvaNonI tAkAta nathI ke jagatane herAna karI zake. jagata rAvaNothI (kurAjAothI) vAraMvAra herAna thatuM rahyuM che tenuM eka kAraNa 'rAmo'nI pIchehaTha paNa che. nA... mane Avo palAyanavAda maMjUra nathI. jo sahaja rIte maLI jAya to huM sattA svIkAravAno ne jagatane 'sAro rAjA' kevo hoya ? teno Adarza ApavAno ! mAruM mana bolI rahyuM hatuM. Akhare maMtrIo, sAmaMto, senApatio, nagarazeTho - vageree sarvAnumate nirNaya karyo ke : rAjA to tribhuvanapALanA traNa putromAMthI koi ekane ja banAvavo. amane traNene bolAvavAmAM AvyA. mArA bIjA be bhAio hatA : kIrtipALa ane mahIpALa. sau prathama kIrtipALane gAdIe besavA kahevAmAM AvyuM paNa e to AkuLa-vyAkuLa thai gayo. enuM zarIra pasInAthI reba-jheba thai gayuM. maMtrIoe vicAryuM H AvA bhayabhIta ane vyAkuLa mANasanuM ahIM kAma nathI. bIjA bhAine gAdIe besADavA prayatna karavAmAM Avyo to te hAtha joDIne Ubho rahyo. alyA! ahIM hAtha joDavAnA na hoya. adhikArathI, vaTathI gAdI para besavAnuM hoya." saunA mana bolI UThyA. e paNa nApasaMda thayo. have mane kahevAmAM AvyuM. UMDA AtmavizvAsa, saMpUrNa svasthatA ane UchaLatA utsAha sAthe huM adhikArapUrvaka besI gayo. mAro prauDha pratApa ane aDaga Atma-vizvAsa joi saue pasaMdagIno kaLaza mArA para DhoLyo. huM te divasathI gujarAtano rAjA thayo. e divasa hato : vi.saM. 1199, mAga. vada 4, ravivAra ! barAbara AgAhI pramANeno ja ! manomana huM hemacandrasUrijIne namI rahyo, emanI krAntardaSTine abhinaMdI rahyo. tyAre mArI uMmara keTalI thai hatI ? te jANo cho ? pUrA pacAsa Atma kathAo * 402 varSa! 24 varSanI uMmare siddharAja taraphathI bhaya Ubho thayo. meM rajhaLapATa zarU karI. jiMdagInA amUlya 25 varSo to mArA rajhaLapATamAM gayA. sattA maLatAM ja mANaso bhAna bhUlI jatA hoya che... bIjAne to ThIka potAnA upakArIone paNa bhUlI jatA hoya che - ema loko kahetA hoya che. paNa huM evo kRtadana thavA nahotI mAMgato. jeNe jeNe mArA para upakAra karelA te badhAnA nAma meM mArA magajanA khAnAmAM noMdhI rAkhyA hatA. mArA rAjatilaka mATe uMdirA gAmanI devazrIne bolAvI. bhImo kheDUta, sajjana (Aliga) kuMbhAra tathA vosiri brAhmaNa vagere tamAmane bolAvI gAma-garAsa vagere ApyuM. AlimakuMbhArane cittoDanuM 700 gAmanuM paragaNuM ApyuM. bharUcanA vosirine lATa dezano daMDanAyaka banAvyo, devazrIne dhoLakA ApyuM. bhImA kheDUtane garAsa Apyo ane... pelA jainAcArya hemacandrasUrijI; jemaNe khaMbhAtamAM mAro jIva bacAvelo tathA sacoTa AgAhI karelI temane huM zI rIte bhUlI zakuM ? meM to temane tyAre ja kaheluM : jo huM rAjA banIza to mArA guru Apa hazo. meM temane sanmAnapUrvaka sabhAmAM bolAvyA. dharmopadeza sAMbhaLyo. mane sUridevanuM sAMnidhya khUba ja gamyuM. chatAM eka vAta to kharI ja ke huM kaTTara mahAdeva bhakta hato. tethI khAnagImAM meM AcAryazrIne kahI paNa dIdheluM : gurudeva ! Apa jainAcArya cho eTale eka vAta kahI dauM ke Ape mane jaina dharmanI vAto karI-karIne mane AkarSita karavA prayatna karavo nahi. kAraNa ke huM custa ziva-bhakta chuM. tamAro dharma ghaNo dayAmaya che. tamAre dayA-karuNAnI vAto karavAnI, paNa mArI pAsethI mAMsAhAra choDAvavAno prayatna nahi karavo. kAraNa ke mAMsa mane khUba ja priya che. ' sUrijI mArA tarapha joi marmALu hasyA ane kahyuM : rAjana! tamArI zarata huM mAnya rAkhI zakuM nahi. jo huM tamane pApathI na bacAvuM, jo huM tamane sanmArge na vALuM to mAre bIjuM karavAnuM zuM ? zuM mAre tamArA mAna-sanmAna ja lIdhe rAkhavA ? badalAmAM koi kalyANakArI kArya na karavuM? rAjanuM ! mArI A vAto tamane kaDavI lAgaze. paNa e bhUlazo nahi ke kaDavI vAto hitasvI jana ja kahetA hoya che. tame mane guru tarIke huM kumArapALa * 403

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IT (4) meM mAMsAhAra choDyo | sthApyo che to huM mArI pharaja avazya bajAvIza. jeno vaida mIThA-bolo te dardI nIrogI thavAnI AzA choDI de. jeno zikSaka mIThAbolo te vidyArthI bahu bhaNataranI AzA choDI de ane jeno guru mIThAbolo te ziSya kalyANanI AzA choDI de, huM tamArI pAse tamane game tevI mIThImIThI vAto ja kahevA nathI Avyo. avasare kaDavI vAta paNa kahIza. AcAryazrInI sattvabharI vANIthI huM prasanna thai UThyo. mAnasanmAnathI para mAtra kalyANanA icchuka gurudevane pAmIne koNa prasanna na thAya ? paNa AcAryazrI UtAvaLA hotA. bahu ja ThaMDakathI teo mAruM jIvana sanmArge vALavA mAMgatA hatA. temaNe mane sIdhe-sIdhI kadI evI vAta kahI nahi ke tuM mAMsa choDI de. tuM jaina banI jA. kadAca evuM kaheta to huM mAnata ke nahi e paNa savAla hato ! sIdhe-sIdhI koinI vAta svIkAravI bahu bhAre paDatI hoya che. eka divasa mane samAcAra maLyA : somanAtha mahAdeva (prabhAsa pATaNa)nuM maMdira, je lAkaDAnuM baneluM hatuM, ekadama khakhaDadhaja thai gayuM che. jIrNoddhAra karavAnI AvazyakatA che. huM mahAdevano parama bhakta hato. maMdiranI AvI avasthA zI rIte joi zakuM ? meM jIrNoddhAra karAvavAnuM nakkI karyuM. koi paNa vAta hoya to gurudevane jaNAvyA vinA raheto nahi. emanI salAha para mane atUTa vizvAsa hato. meM pUchyuM : "gurudeva ! somanAtha maMdirano jIrNoddhAranI mArI bhAvanA che. A kArya nirvidanarUpe thAya, mATe mAre zuM karavuM ? Apa to jANo ja cho ke sArA kAryamAM so vidano Ave. 'zreyAMsi bahu vinAni !' sUrideve taka jhaDapI lIdhI. kahyuM : kumArapALa ! vino haMmezA pApakarmonA kAraNe AvatA hoya che. pApakarmonA nAza mATenA be upAyo batAvuM chuM : (1) brahmacarya jevA koi mahAna niyamanuM grahaNa athavA (2) atyaMta mana gamatI cIjano tyAga. mane mAMsAhAra khUba ja priya hato. meM pratijJA lIdhI. jyAM sudhI somanAtha maMdirano jIrNoddhAra pUro na thAya tyAM sudhI mAMsAhAra tyAga ! mArA jevA mAMsAhArI mANasane sanmArge lAvavA sUrijIe keTalI mahenata UThAvI haze? e jyAre kalpanA karuM chuM tyAre mAruM mastaka emanA caraNe DhaLI paDe che. be varSamAM to jIrNoddhAra pUro thaI gayo. mane e samAcAra maLatAM ja meM sUridevane pUchayuM : "sUrijI ! have to huM mAMsAhAra karI zakuMne ? pratijJA pramANe jIrNoddhAra thai gayo che.' samayaza sUrideva bolyA : rAjana ! mahAdevanA darzana to karI lo ! enA vinA pratijJA zI rIte pUrI thai gaNAya ? jaina-virodhI lokone huM hemacandrAcAryano saMsarga karuM te jarAya huM kumArapALa * 405 Atma kathAo * 404

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gamatuM nahotuM. emane jyAre khabara paDI ke AcAryazrIe kumArapALane mahAdevanA darzana mATe kahyuM che. AthI teo ukaLI uThyA : vAha bhAi ! vAha ! AcAryazrI; jeo jinezvara deva sivAya koine mAthuM jhukAvatA nathI, teo Aje kumArapALane mahAdevanA darzananI vAto karI rahyA che. kevA takavAdI che AcArya ! Aje to emanI pola khUlI pADI daie. teo mArI pAse AvyA ane mane kahevA lAgyA : rAjanuM ! sUridevane kaho ke tame paNa mahAdevanA darzanArthe padhAro. meM to bhoLAbhAve sUridevane tema kahyuM. to sUrideve tarata ja mArI vAta svIkArI lIdhI ane kahyuM : emAM AmaMtraNa hoya ? ame paNa prabhAsa pATaNa AvIzuM ane mahAdevanA darzana karIzuM. A sAMbhaLIne to virodhIonA moM sIvAi gayA. zuM dhAryuM tuM ne zuM javAba maLyo ? sapaneya kalpanA nahotI ke jainAcArya mahAdevanA darzanArthe Ave. joie have zI rIte Ave che ? huM somanAtha gayo tyAre AcAryazrI paNa zatruMjyanI yAtrA karI AvI gayA hatA. virodhIonI AMkha AzcaryathI pahoLI thai gai. mArI sAthe AcAryazrI paNa zivAlayamAM AvyA. zivaliMga samakSa stuti karatAM AcAryazrIe kahyuM : bhavabIjAGkrajananA rAgAdyAH kSayamupagatA yasya / brahmA vA viSNu vA haro vA jino vA namastasmai // saMsAranA bIjamAM aMkUrA pedA karanAra rAga-dveSa vagere jemanA TaLI gayA hoya temane huM namaskAra karuM chuM ! he bhagavAna ! pachI bhale loko Apane brahmA kahetA hoya, viSNu kahetA hoya ke mahAdeva kahetA hoya, nAma sAthe mAre koi jhagaDo nathI. tuM vItarAga hoya eTale basa. tane mArA aMtaranA namaskAra ! huM tyAre ema samajyo ke sUrijIe mahAdevane namaskAra karyA, paNa sAcI samajaNa maLyA pachI mane khabara paDI ke, sUrijIe vItarAga prabhuzrI arihaMta devane ja namaskAra karyA hatA, te paNa mArA jevAne sanmArge vALavA ja ! Atma kathAo * 406 tyAra pachI huM, AcAryazrI sAthe maMdiranA garbhagRhamAM gayo. meM sUrijIne pUchyuM : gurudeva ! ghaNA vakhatathI mArA dilamAM eka savAla dhoLAyA kare che : "satya dharma kayo ? jagatamAM aneka dharmo che. aneka dharmazAstro che. aneka dhamAMcAryo che. badhA potAnI vAta satya jaNAve che. AmAM mAre satya zI rIte jANavuM ? gurudeva ! Aje A pavitra sthAne mane A rahasyamaya vAta jaNAvI do. mahAdeva jevA deva, ApanA jevA guru ane mArA jevo jijJAsu - A traNenuM pavitra triveNI saMgama racAyuM che. mATe ja atyAranI paLa pavitra tIrtharUpa che." 'satya dharma kahuM eno artha zo ? huM jo kahuM : badhA dharmomAM jainadharma ja sAco che to bIjA dharmAcAryo paNa ema ja kahe che : amAro dharma kharo che. to pharI tuM mUMjhavaNamAM mUkAiza : kayA dharmAcAryanI vAta sAcI mAnavI ? mATe huM kAMi kahuM tenA karatAM tArA parama ArAdhya deva mahAdeva ja kahe te vadhu ucita gaNAze. maMtra-zaktithI huM hamaNAM ja mahAdevane pragaTa karuM chuM. huM maMtra japato rahIza ane tuM zivaliMga para kapUra nAkhato jaje. ' sUrijI jApamAM lIna banyA. huM kapUra nAkhato gayo. thoDI ja vAramAM zivaliMgamAMthI tejovartula pedA thayuM. zuM eno prakAza ? jANe aneka sUryo ekI sAthe UgyA. kSaNamAM ja e prakAza puMjamAMthI mahAdevajI pragaTa thayA. mAthe jaTA ! jaTAmAM gaMgA ! bAlacandra ! kapALe trIjI AMkha ! gaLe sApa ! hAthamAM DamaruM ane trizULa ! zarIre bhabhUti ! huM abhibhUta thai gayo emanAM tejathI. meM mahAdevane satya dharmano savAla pUchyo tyAre temaNe kahyuM : kumArapALa ! tArI tattva jijJAsA atiprazaMsanIya che. hajAromAM koika bhAgyazALIne ja satya jANavAnI icchA thAya che. bAkI to moTA bhAganA loko UMdhuM ghAlIne emane ema jIvye jatA hoya che. badhA kare ema karavuM. nAhaka mAthAkUTa zuM karavI ? A temano javAba hoya che. AvA loko jIvatA nathI, mAtra zvAsa le che. tArI satyanI jijJAsA jANI mane khUba ja AnaMda thayo che. tane je maLelA A gurudeva che, e je kahe huM kumArapALa * 407

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(5) meM mithyAtva te ja sAcuM mAna. enA kahyuM cAlavAthI tAro avatAra saphaLa thai jaze. A guru to sAkSAt parabrahma che. basa, ATalAmAM badhuM AvI jAya che.' mahAdevajI tarata adezya thai gayA. huM gurudevanA caraNe jhUkI paDyo : o gurudeva ! Apa ja mArA bhagavAna cho. Apa ja mAruM sarvasva cho. Ape mAruM khaMbhAtamAM zarIra bacAvyuM. have mAro AtmA paNa bacAvo. A loka ane paraloka baMne sudhAro. pharamAvo, mAre zuM karavAnuM che ?' jo tAre zuddha dharmanI prApti karavI hoya to sau prathama mAMsa bhakSaNano jIvanabhara tyAga karI de.' sUrijInI vAta meM tarata svIkArI lIdhI. sAcI dizAmAM prayANa zarU thayuM. A to mAtra paheluM DagaluM hatuM... haju zuddha dharmanI prApti mATe mAre ghaNI maMjhila kApavAnI hatI. huM jainAcArya tarapha kheMcAto jAuM e jaina virodhIone zI rIte pasaMda paDe ? te loko mane potAnA tarapha kheMcavA prayatna karavA lAgyA. devabodhi nAmanA jabaradasta vidvAna zaMkarAcAryane temaNe pATaNamAM bolAvyA. devabodhi jabaradasta paMDita tathA haThayogavidyAnA upAsaka hatA. e jyAre mArA darabAramAM AvyA tyAre to huM tAjuba thai gayo. meM joyuM to e pAlakhI para beThA hatA. kevI pAlakhI ? keLanA thaDamAMthI banAvelI. je Asana para beThelA te Asana paNa keLanA pAMdaDAmAMthI banAvavAmAM AveluM hatuM. zuM koi keLanA pAMdaDAnI pAlakhImAM besI zake ? nAnuM chokaruM bese toya dhaDa... daine tUTI jAya. ahIM to kadAvara kAyAvALA devabodhi paMDyA beThA hatA. vaLI te kAcA sUtaranA tAMtaNe bAMdhelI hatI. vaLI ethIye navAinI vAta e hatI ke upADanArA ATha varSanA cAra chokarAo hatA. bhIma jevA devabodhine A TabuDiyA zI rIte upADI lAvyA ? huM Azcaryacakita thai gayo. pAlakhImAM devabodhi AMkho baMdha karI, prANAyAmathI zvAsa rokI, padmAsana lagAvIne beThA hatA. huM to prathama darzane ja abhibhUta thai gayo. vAha ! kevI sAdhanA ! mAruM hRdaya pokArI UDyuM. sabhAmAM AvIne temaNe aneka camatkAro batAvyA. AkhI sabhA Azcaryavibhora banI gai. devabodhinI AvI kaLA joi huM jhUmI UThyo. devabodhie rAtavAso mAre tyAM ja karyo. traNeka kalAka sudhI mArI joDe dharmacarcA karI. bIje divase mane devapUjA mATe maMdiramAM sAthe cAlavA mATe kahyuM. huM gayo. zivajInI pUjA karIne temaNe kahyuM : hamaNAM-hamaNAM tame jainAcArya hemacandrasUrinA ravADe caDyA cho te sAruM nathI. jaino to nAstika che. kAraNa ke teo vedone pramANabhUta mAnatA nathI. AvA lokono paDachAyo paNa zI rIte levAya ? 'vedomAM mArI zraddhA rahI nathI. kAraNa ke emAM ghaNI badhI pUrvApara Atma kathAo * 408 huM kumArapALa * 409

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virodhI vAto Ave che.' devabodhie joyuM H AmAM phAvaTa Ave tema nathI eTale temaNe pharI camatkAronuM cakkara calAvyuM. temanI pAse indrajALanI zakti to hatI ja. temaNe kahyuM H rAjan ! hamaNAM ja huM tamArI samakSa brahmA, viSNu ane mahAdevane hAjara karuM chuM. mULarAjathI mAMDIne tArA badhA pUrvajone paNa hAjara karuM chuM. teo tane kaheze te to mAnIza ne ? DhIma... DhAma... DhIma... DhAma... DhIma... DhAma... nagArAM vAgavA mAMDyAM ane te sAthe brahmA pragaTa thayA. cAra mukha ! sapheda dADhI ! vRddha zarIra ! zAstromAM varNavelA A ja brahmA ! evuM jonArane lAgyA vinA rahe nahi. temaNe kahyuM : he kumArapALa ! vedo apauruSeya che. tene je mAne te Astika. jaino vedone nathI mAnatA mATe teo nAstika che. mATe tuM jaina dharma taraphanuM AkarSaNa choDI vedonA zaraNe Ava, emAM ja tAruM kalyANa che.' ATaluM kahIne brahmA ardazya thayA. pharI nagArAM vAgyAM ane viSNu AvyA. temaNe paNa te ja kahyuM. mahAdevajI AvyA. temaNe paNa A ja vAta kahI. mAruM mana cakkara-cakkara pharavA mAMDyuM ? huM A zuM joi rahyo chuM ? svapna ke satya ? meM mArI jAtane cuMTI khaNI. mane khAtarI thai ! A svapna nahi, satya che. DhAma... DhIma... DhAma... DhIma... pharIthI Dhola vAgyA. mArA pUrvaja mULarAja vagere eka pachI eka AvavA mAMDyA. badhA eka ja vAta karavA mAMDyA : jaina dharma taraphanuM AkarSaNa choDa ane ApaNo bApa-dAdAthI cAlyo Avato zaiva dharma svIkAra. chelle-chelle to mArA dAdA devaprasAda AvyA ane pachI mArA pitA tribhuvanapALa paNa AvyA ane kahevA lAgyA : beTA ! teM A zuM mAMDyuM che ? ApaNo paMraparAthI cAlyo Avato dharma choDIne tuM bIje jAya che ? tane vicAra nathI Avato kAMi ? gItAnuM peluM vAkya bhUlI gayo : "svadharme nidhanaM zreyaH paradharmo bhayAvahaH / 7 mArA pitAjI pratyakSa AvIne kahetA hoya to zI rIte AnAkAnI thAya ? meM teonI vAta svIkArI. devabodhine meM kahyuM : "huM vedone Atma kathAo * 410 svIkArIza ane bApadAdAthI cAlyA AvatA zaivadharmamAM sthira rahIza." devabodhine saMtoSa thayo : calo, ApaNI bAjI saphaLa thai. te divase mane satata e camatkAranA dRzyo ja yAda AvatA rahyA. huM e ja vicAromAM gulatAna banyo. sAMje mArI pAse udAyana maMtrInA putra bAhaDazA AvyA tyAre meM badhI ja vAta karI ane kahyuM : 'huM vedane nahi choDuM. mArA parApUrvathI cAlyA AvatA zaivadharmamAM sthira rahIza.' bAhaDazA kazuM na bolyA : mAruM badhuM sAMbhaLatA ja rahyA, sAMbhaLatA ja rahyA. eTale meM pUchyuM : mArA gurudeva zrI hemacandrasUrijI pAse AvA koi camatkAra che ? mAruM A vAkya sAMbhaLatA ja bAhaDanI AMkhomAM teja AvyuM. huM enA caherA parathI vAMcI zakyo ke - mArA gurudeva'no vAkya prayoga ene khUba ja gamyo che. bAhaDa maMtrIe mane bIje divase vyAkhyAnamAM AvavAnuM jaNAvyuM. huM gayo. tyAM meM zuM joyuM ? AcAryazrI uparAuparI goThavelI sAtamI pATa para besI pravacana ApI rahyA hatA. huM pahoMcyo tyAM ja be sAdhuo nIcenI pATo khaseDavA mAMDyA. cha ye pATa nIcethI nIkaLI gai. sAtamI eka ja pATa AkAzamAM addhara laTakI rahI hatI ne tenA para besIne sUrijI pravacana pharamAvI rahyA hatA. mArA Azcaryano pAra na rahyo. kyAM A AcAryazrI ? ne kyAM pelA devabodhi ? devabodhi to pAlakhImAM hatA ene uThAvanArA cAra chokarA hatA. jyAre ahIM to AkAzamAM pATa nirAdhAra rahelI che. pAlakhImAM pelA devabodhi prANAyAma dvArA zvAsa rokIne maunapUrvaka beThA hatA. jyAre A AcAryazrI to prANAyAmanI vAta javA do, paNa vyAkhyAna ApI rahyA che. zvAsa rokIne zarIra haLavuM banAvyA pachI pAlakhImAM besavuM emAM kai moTI vAta che ? paNa ahIM to evA koi ja haThayoganA prayoga dekhAtA nathI. ahIM to sahajayoga che. vaLI mArA gurudevamAM gaMbhIratA paNa keTalI che ? atyAra sudhI mane kyAreya potAnI AvI zakti batAvI nathI. jarUra paDe tyAre ja sAmAnya zakti batAvI che. jyAre devabodhi to prathama mulAkAte ja camatkAra batAvIne huM kumArapALa - 411

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(6) amAri pravartana mane prabhAvita karavA lAgyA. jyAM sAgara jevA gaMbhIra sUrijI ? ne kyAM kSullaka kUpa sama devabodhi ? mAruM mana bolI rahyuM. Dhama... Dhama... Dhama... Dholo vAgavA mAMDyA. A zuM ? huM vicAra taMdrAmAMthI jAgyo. upAzrayanI bahAra joyuM to eka pachI eka tIrthakara bhagavaMtonA samavasaraNa thavA mAMDyA. AdinAtha bhagavAnathI mAMDIne mahAvIra svAmI sudhInA tamAma bhagavAno hAjara thavA mAMDyA. badhAe eka ja vAta karI : A gurune tuM choDIza nahi. are... mULarAjathI mAMDIne tribhuvanapALa sudhInA mArA bApa-dAdAo paNa AvyA. temaNe paNa e ja vAta kahI : "kumArapALa ! tuM khUba ja bhAgyazALI che. tane AvA guru maLyA. have dhUrtonI vAta sAMbhaLIne AvA gurune choDavAnI bhUla karato nahi." thoDIvAramAM badhuM adezya ! huM muMjhAi gayo. zuM sAcuM mAnavuM? A tribhuvanapALa kharA ke devabodhinA tribhuvanapALa kharA ? meM pUchyuM : "gurudeva ! AmAM sAcuM zuM ? tyAM paNa pUrvajo joyA, ahIM paNa joyA. baMnenI viparIta vAtomAMthI mAre sAcuM zuM samajavuM ?" gurudeva hasyA. kahyuM : "kumArapALa ! sAcuM kahuM ? baMnemAM ekeya sAcuM nathI. baMne indrajALa che.' 'A indrajALa karavAnuM kAMi kAraNa ?' zuM thAya ? kyAreka ema karavuM paNa paDe. kAMTAne kADhavA bIjA kAMTAno prayoga karavo ja paDe che ne ? sAcuM to te ja che je tane prabhAsapATaNamAM somanAtha mahAdeve kaheluM.' basa... tyArathI mArA haiye gurudeva vasI gayA. gurudeve kahelo dharma vasI gayo. vItarAga jinezvara devane meM hRdayezvara tarIke vasAvI dIdhA. A ja satya che, A ja zraddheya che. evo pokAra mArA roma-romamAMthI thavA mAMDyo. mAruM samagra astitva ekI sAthe pokArI UThya : tameva sarca nIsaMke jaM jiPhiM paveiaM ! bhagavAne kahyuM te ja sAcuM ! te ja mAre mAnya ! have mAre jIvanabhara AnA sivAya bIjo koi vikalpa karavo nahi. jinezvara devano dayAmaya dharma mArA hRdayamAM vasI gayo. jinezvara bhagavAnanI dayA mane eTalI gamI eTalI gamI ke huM pazcAttApa karavA lAgyo : AvuM karuNAmaya zAsana keTaluM badhuM moDuM maLyuM ? moDuM-moDuM paNa maLI gayuM - e bAbatanuM mane gaurava paNa hatuM. oha ! kevuM karuNAmaya zAsana che prabhunuM ke jyAM moTA devothI mAMDIne sUkSma ekendriyanI paNa dayA ciMtavavAmAM AvI che ! jema jema huM ahiMsA para vicArato gayo tema tema mane lAgyuM : ahiMsA-karuNA e ja samagra jagatano sAra che. eka paNa prANInI hatyA karavAno koi mAnavane adhikAra nathI. potAnuM jIvana, jIvane keTaluM badhuM vahAluM hoya che ? badhuM jatuM karIne paNa e jIvanane bacAvavA taiyAra raheto hoya che. AvuM vahAluM jIvana koinI pAsethI chInavI levAno ApaNane zo adhikAra che ? siMha ane vAghane mArI nAkhanAro mANasa marI gayelI kIDIne paNa jIvatI karI zakato nathI. ATaluM ja jo mANasa vicAre to hiMsA taraphanI enI doDa svayameva thaMbhI jAya. mane vAraMvAra vicAra Avato : ahiMsAno siddhAMta jo AkhuM vizva samajI jAya to ? hiMsAnA kAraNe mAnavajAte AkhuM jagata naraka banAvI dIdhuM che. jo ahiMsA apanAve to AkhuM vizva svarga banI jAya. paNa duniyAnI vAta choDo ! kama se kama huM mArA aDhAra dezomAM to ahiMsAno jhaMDo pharakAvuM. mAre Azrita rahelI prajAne to pApathI bacAvuM ! meM mArA saMpUrNa dezamAM sAteya vyasanone dezavaTo Apyo. prajAne barAbara khyAla Ave mATe sAteya vyasanonAM pUtaLAM banAvI hajAro lokonI samakSa bALyAM. pratIka vinA sAmAnya prajA samajI zakatI nathI. zikAra, corI, jArI, vezyAvADo, mAMsa, madirA, jugAra - A sAteya. rAkSasone meM dezamAMthI tilAMjali ApI. AkhA dezamAM amAri pravartana karAvyuM. kasAikhAnA saMpUrNa baMdha huM kumArapALa * 413 Atma kathAo * 412

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karAvyA. tame kahezo : A to tame kasAionA peTa para pATuM mAryuM. bicArA kasAiono dhaMdho tUTI gayo ! pazuonI dayA karavA jatAM tame mAnavonI to dayA ja bhUlI gayA. paNa huM evo avicArI nhoto. pazuonI paNa dayA mArA hRdaye vasI hoya to mAnavonI dayA na hoya e tame zI rIte kahI zako ? dhaMdhA vagaranA kasAione meM traNa varSa sudhI satata anAja ApyA karyuM. tame kadAca kahezo : paNa je loko mAMsAhArI che, emane to tame du:khI ja karyAne ? tamAro A tarka UMdho che. kharekhara to meM emane sukhI ja karyA che. duHkhanuM mULa pApa che. pApathI meM teone aTakAvyA to sukhI karyA kahevAya ke du:khI ? zaradInA dardI pAsethI mA zIkhaMDano vATako jhUMTavI le, e dardI dahIM vinA cIsAcIsa kare to mAe e dardI bALakane sukhI karyo kahevAya ke du:khI ? mAtra enA manane zuM game che na jovAya, enA mATe hitakara zuM che ? e ja jovAya. mArA roma-romamAM prajAnuM hita vasI rahyuM hatuM : huM ene duHkhI zI rIte karuM? Ama to balAtkAre AvA AvA kAyadA karavAmAM Ave to prajA baMDa pokAre ane zAsakane uthalAvI paNa de. paraMtu jyAre prajAne prema ane vAtsalyapUrvaka samajAvavAmAM Ave tyAre e avazya zAsakanuM mAnatI hoya che. meM mAMsAhArIone samajAvavA mAMDyuM : mAMsAhAra e mAnavajAta mATe taddana ayogya che, akudaratI che. pazuomAM mAMsAhArI ane zAkAhArI vacce rahelo bheda samajazo to mArI vAta tarata ja samajAi jaze. kUtarA, bilADI, siMha, vAgha, varU, cittA, dIpaDA vagere mAMsAhArI prANIo che. gAya, bheMsa, bakarI, gheTA, haraNa, sasalA vage2e zAkAhArI che. baMnenI zarIra-racanAmAM keTalo pharaka che ? bilADInA dAMta juo ne gAyanA dAMta juo ? keTalo pharaka dekhAya che ? mANasanA dAMta baMnemAMthI konA jevA che ? mAMsAhArI prANIonA AgalA be dAMta dhAradAra tIkSNa hoya che. dADho to hotI ja nathI. mAMsAhArI prANInA pagamAM nahora hoya che. zAkAhArI prANIonA nathI hotI. mAMsAhArI prANIono janma thAya che tyAre baccAnI AMkho keTalAya samaya sudhI baMdha rahetI hoya Atma kathAo * 414 che. mukhyatAe aMdhArAmAM vadhu dekhatI hoya che. mAMsAhArI prANIonAM AyuSya TUMkAM hoya che. teo pANI jIbhathI pIe che. pasIno vaLato nathI. temanA AMtaraDAM TUMkAM hoya che. have tame ja vicAro : mANasanA zarIranI banAvaTa konA jevI che ? mAMsAhArI prANIo jevI ke zAkAhArI prANIo jevI? : mAMsAhAra Ama paNa taddana anucita che. aneka rogone ane vikArone janma ApanAra che. paralokamAM narakAdi durgatimAM lai janAra che. A janmamAM paNa jaMgalI saMskArone majabUta kare che. mAMsAhAra e jaMgalIpaNuM che. sabhya mAnava kadI mAMsAhAra kare nahi. mAMsAhAra karanAra mANasane mANasanA rUpamAM rahelo 'varU' samajavo ! mArI A samajAvaTanI dhArI asara thai. aneka loko mAMsAhArathI aTakyA. moTA bhAganI prajAe mArI tarapheNa karI. meM samagra rAjyamAM kAyado karyo : koithI paNa prANInI hatyA thai zakaze nahi. nAnakaDA jIvajaMtunI hatyA karanAro paNa rAjyano gunegAra gaNAze. mAro A kAyado prajA saMpUrNa rIte pALe che ke nahi te jovA mATe comera guptacaro goThavyA. guptacaro mane mAhitI ApatA rahyA ke - saMpUrNa dezamAM mAMsAhAra baMdha che. kasAikhAnA baMdha thayA che. mAchImArI baMdha thai che. loko dayAmAM vizvAsa karatA thayA che. are... dhArmika yajJomAM paNa je pazu AdinI hiMsA thatI hatI te baMdha thai gai che. yajJamAM pazuonA sthAne anAja homavAmAM AvI rahyuM che. badhI jagyAe ahiMsA, karuNA ane dayAnuM sAmrAjya che. rAjyamAM koi 'mara' zabda paNa bolatuM nathI. hiMsAtmaka zabdone paNa dezavaTo maLyo che. jaino to A amAri pravartanathI eTalA rAjI thayA che ke teo spaSTapaNe kahe che : khuda bhagavAna mahAvIra svAmInI vidyamAnatAmAM zreNika rAjA je amAri pravartana karAvI na zakyA, te kumArapALa karAvI zakyA che. saMpUrNa prajA sukhI che. sAmAnya rIte vidyamAna rAjAnI prazaMsA prajA kadI karatI nathI, paNa ApanI to ApanI vidyamAnatAmAM ja prazaMsA thai rahI che, e ja batAve che ke ApanuM ahiMsAnuM pravartana saphaLa thayuM che. huM kumArapALa * 415

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amAri pravartana ATaluM badhuM saphaLa thayeluM joine mane khUba ja AnaMda thato. chatAM e aMge huM kadI gAphela na raheto. meM mArA guptacarone e mATe satata takedArI rAkhavA kahyuM hatuM. koine paNa hatyA karato jue ke tarata ja tene mArI pAse hAjara karavo evI teone mArI kaDaka sUcanA hatI. eka vakhate teo eka zeThane mArI pAse lai AvyA ane kahyuM : "rAjanuM ! lATa dezanA A mANase hiMsA karI che. mAthAmAMthI nIkaLelI jUne 'A duSTa jUe mAruM ghaNuM lohI pI lIdhuM che. have huM ene nahi choDuM' kahIne be aMgUThAnA nakha vacce kacaDIne mArI nAkhI che. ame tarata ja marelI jU sAthe tene pakaDI pADyo che. A rahI marelI "jU'. mane jU batAvavAmAM AvI. mArI AMkhomAM lAlAza AvI. mAruM lohI dhagadhagI UThyuM. AMkho kADhIne meM kahyuM : maherabAna ! tamane khabara nathI ke A kumArapALanuM rAjya che? ahIM koinI hiMsA thai zakatI nathI e tame jANatA nathI ? nAnakaDI nirdoSa jU ne mAratAM tamane koi vicAra na Avyo ? paralokano Dara na lAgyo ? paralokanI vAta javA do, paNa A kumArapALano paNa tamane Dara na lAgyo ? khabaradAra ! jo have AvI kadI bhUla karI che to ! paNa ema nahi mAnatA ke A mATe huM tamane nirdoSa choDI daiza. jU mAravAnA daMDa rUpe tamAre tamArI saMpattithI eka jinAlaya baMdhAvavAnuM che. A ja tenuM prAyazcitta che, samajyA ? | mArI trADathI pelo dhrUjI UThyo. mArI vAta teNe svIkArI ane potAnI saMpattithI eka jinAlaya baMdhAvyuM. meM e jina-maMdiranuM nAma rAkhyuMH yUkA-vihAra ! tame kahezo : A rIte baLajabarIthI ahiMsA paLAvavAnI kiMmata keTalI ? A to ahiMsAnA nAme pharI hiMsA ja thai ! koinA para baLajabarI karavI e paNa zuM mAnasika hiMsA ja nathI ? nahi, tame haju mArI vAta samajyA nathI. bIjAne hiMsAthI aTakAvavA e ja ahiMsA che. teo hiMsA karatA ja rahe ane mAre Atma kathAo * 416 baLajabarI na karavI, emane ema joyA karavuM, ema tame iccho cho ? to to rAjya kadI cAlI zake nahi. rAjya calAvavA mATe prabhAva to joie ja. prabhAva vinA kadI zAsana cAle ? nabaLA zAsakane to loko kAcAne kAcA khAi jAya. rAjAnI dhAka to joie ja. dhAka jamAvavA mATe kyAreka khoTo gusso paNa karavo paDe. sajA paNa karavI paDe. zarUAtamAM to mAro prabhAva jamAvavA meM, vAraMvAra mArI mazkarI karatA mArA banevI kRSNadevane sabhAnI vacce khokharo karI nAkhelo. A ghaTanAthI mAro evo prabhAva paDI gayo ke bIjA sAmaMto, saradAro vagere badhA ja sIdhA dora thai gayA. prabhAvathI ja vahIvaTa suMdara cAle che. vyavasthA jaLavAi rahe che. durNa niyaMtraNamAM rahe che. sajjano zAMtithI jIvI zake che. itihAsamAM jojo : jyAre jyAre prabhAva vagarano nabaLo zAsaka Avyo che tyAre-tyAre pAra vagaranI aMdhAdhUMdhI phelAi che. kAyado ane vyavasthA kathaLI javAthI prajAne pAra vagaranuM nukasAna thayuM che ane Avo nabaLo zAsaka paNa Akhare sattAthI pheMkAi gayo che. ahiMsAnA nAme huM Avo nabaLo zAsaka thavA mAMgato hoto ! TharI gayelI rAkha para loko paga mUkatAM acakAtA nathI - e vAta huM sArI peThe jANato hato. yUkA-vihAranA prasaMgathI lokomAM mAro jabaro prabhAva paDI gayo. jAheramAM to nahi, khAnagImAM paNa hiMsA karatAM duSTa loko gabharAvA lAgyo. huM kumArapALa - 417

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(7) mAruM dharmayuddha tame kadAca pUchazo : rAjana ! tame bIjA pAsethI to ahiMsA paLAvI paNa tamArA potAnA jIvanamAM ahiMsAnuM pAlana kevuMka hatuM ? tamAre to rAjya calAvavAnuM hoya eTale lazkara rAkhavuM paDe. yuddho karavA paDe. gunegArone sajA ApavI paDe. to e vakhate ahiMsAnuM pAlana zI rIte karI zako ? tame kharo prazna pUchyo. rAjya calAvavuM ane ahiMsAno paNa Agraha rAkhavo e tamane azakya lAgatuM haze. tamane to ThIka paNa maneya azakya nahi to muzkela to lAgatuM ja hatuM. paNa jema-jema mane ahiMsAno mahimA samajAyo tema tema tenA pratye Adara vadhato gayo ane muzkela kArya paNa saraLa banatuM gayuM. jyAre koI paNa vastu para prema thai jAya tyAre tenuM pAlana muzkela rahetuM nathI. A ja kAraNe mArA lazkaramAM rahelA 11 lAkha ghoDAone huM gALeluM pANI pIvaDAvI zakato. dareka ghoDA para palANanI sAthe jaNI paNa mUkelI hatI. puMjaNIthI puMjIne ja ghoDesavAra besI zake evo niyama meM kaDaka rIte amalI banAvyo hato. AvuM hovA chatAM huM yuddhathI dUra bhAganAro hoto. mArI ahiMsA kAyaronI hotI. jarUra paDye huM yuddha karatAM kadIya acakAto nahi. eka vakhate mArI pAse mArI bena devaladevI AvI ane raDatAMraDatAM kahevA lAgI : bhAi ! tArA banevIe mAruM apamAna karyuM che. mAruM apamAna karyuM tenuM mane duHkha nathI paNa jaina-dharmanuM apamAna karyuM tenuM mane duHkha che." 'kema ? zuM thayuM ? arAja banevIe zuM karyuM ?' pUchyuM. 'ame baMne copATa ramatA hatA. tyAM temane koNa jANe zuM sUjhayuM ke sogaThI mAratAM temaNe jaina sAdhuonI mazkarI karI. teo bolyA : le, A sogaThI gujarAtanA muMDiyAne mArI.' meM kahyuM : jarA jIbha saMbhALIne bolo ! tame konuM apamAna karI Atma kathAo * 418 rahelA cho ? jainadharmanuM apamAna ? e aMge tamAre mAphI mAgavI joie.' 'mAphI mAguM ? jA... jA... nIkaLI jA mArA mahelamAMthI. tAro bhAi kumArapALa rAjA banyo eTale tane ATalo mada caDyo che ? kumArapALa vaLI koNa ? gai kAlano rakhaDu ja ke bIjo koi ?" teo bolI UThyA. meM kahyuM : 'tame jIbha saMbhALIne bolo. A rIte tame badhAnuM apamAna karyA karo cho to pariNAma sAruM nahi Ave.' 'have jA. jA... pariNAmavALI ! mArA gharamAM rahevuM che ne mArI sAme bolavuM che ? kyAM gayuM tAruM satIpaNuM ? strI thaine sAme bole che? AvI uddhatAi huM nahi calAvI lauM... jA... nIkaLI jA... mArA gharamAMthI... ane temaNe mane lAta mArIne gharamAMthI kADhI mUkI. jatAM-jatAM meM kahyuM : "jaina dharmanA apamAna badala tamArI jIbha kheMcAze - e bhUlatA nahi. pati tarIke tame mArA sarvasva cho - e vAta barAbara, paNa dharma to ApanAthI paNa mahAna che. enuM apamAna huM haragIja nahi calAvI laUM." ATaluM bolatAM-bolatAM mArI bena pharI raDI paDI. meM kahyuM : bena ! ciMtA na kara. hamaNAM ja arNorAjane sIdhAdora karuM chuM. dharmanuM apamAna kare e zI rIte cAle ? meM tarata ja yuddhanI nobata vagADI. badhuM lazkara taiyAra thai gayuM. huM svayaM paNa sajja thaine lazkaranI mokhare pahoMcyo. ghoDA para caDatAM pahelAM meM puMjaNIthI prArthanA karI. jayaNA e to mAro mudrAlekha hato. ene huM koi paNa prasaMge bhUlI zake nahi. tame kahezo : A tamArI jayaNA kevI ? eka bAju tame yuddha caDI rahyA cho ne bIjI bAjue nAnA jaMtuonI rakSA mATe puMjI rahyA cho. AmAM to amane virodhAbhAsa dekhAya che. paNa, AmAM virodhAbhAsa nathI. rAjA tarIke mArAthI Ama ja karI zakAya tema hatuM. 'duSTane daMDa ane sajjanane sanmAna' rAjAnA A be mukhya siddhAMto hoya che. doSitane jo huM mAphI ApuM to mAro rAjadharma huM kumArapALa * 419

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lajAya, huM kartavyabhraSTa gaNAuM ! hA... huM jo muni houM to aparAdhIne paNa mAphI ApI dauM... paNa atyAre huM rAjA chuM, muni nahi. mAre rAjA tarIkenI pharaja bajAvavI ja joie. atyAre yuddhe na caDuM to e mArI kAyaratA gaNAya. mAyakAMgalI jevI mArI ahiMsA nhotI. baLiyA pAse jhUkI javuM ne nabaLAone dabAvavA - evI mArI ahiMsA nhotI. tamane jema vicAra Avyo tema mArI sAme rahelA eka rAjapUtane paNa AnA jevo ja vicAra Avyo. e mane puMjatAM joi hasI paDyo. enA hAsya para huM vAMcI zakato hato ke e mArI mazkarI karato hato H ekendriya. beindriyanI rakSA karanAro A kumArapALa zuM yuddha karavAno ? e zatruo para bhAlA zI rIte calAvavAno ? enuM mana bolI rahyuM hatuM, te huM joi rahyo hato. tarata ja huM tenI pAse gayo ane teno hAtha pakaDyo. trADa pADIne kahyuM : hase che kema ? pelo dhrujI uThyo. meM tene kahyuM : 'tAro paga lAMbo kara.' tenA lAMbA karelA paga para meM paga mUkyo ane khacAka... bhAlo ghoMcI dIdho. mAro ane eno paga vIMdhAi gayo. lohInI sera chuTI. pelo rAjapUta to cIsa pADI UThyo : a... .... .... 2... bApa re..' kema ? tuM kema cIso pADe che ? tArA karatAM to bhAlo mane vadhu vAgyo che. chatAM huM to hasI rahyo chuM. sAMbhaLa, nAdAna, mAnavane je zakti maLI che te nirdoSa ane nirbaLa jIvone mAravA nahi, paraMtu bacAvavA maLI che. potAnI zaktino upayoga je nirbaLone satAvavAmAM kare che, te rAjA, 'kurAjA' che ane je dharma-rakSA mATe paNa jaMge na caDe te paNa 'kurAjA' che. atyAranI kakSA mArI rAjA tarIkenI che. huM sAdhu nathI ke gunegArane paNa choDI mUkuM. chatAM yuddhanA avasare paNa zakya jayaNA pALavAnuM mArA dharme mane zIkhavyuM che.' pelo rAjapUta stabdha thaine mArI vAta sAMbhaLI rahyo. meM senAsahita zAkaMbharI tarapha prayANa karyuM. zAkaMbharInA rAjA arNorAja ane mArI vacce yuddhanA zaMkho phUMkAyA. meM mArI senAne zatru-senA para tUTI paDavA hukama karyo. paNa A zuM ? mArI saMpUrNa senA pUtaLAnI jema UbhI Atma kathAo * 420 rahI. na koi halana-calana, na koi zastronI sajAvaTa ! na dhanuSyanA TaMkAra ! zatru-senA taraphathI paNa koi humalo nahi. huM stabdha thai gayo. Ama kema ? meM mahAvatane pUchyuM : 'zuM vAta che ? kAMi garabaDa che ke zuM ?' mahAvate kahyuM : 'hA, mahArAja ! moTI garabaDa lAge che. zatrurAjAe dhana ApIne ApaNI senA phoDI nAkhI lAge che. mATe ja koi laDatuM nathIne ! tame sainikone pagAra ApavAmAM kaMjUsAi karatA hatA tyAre ja mane ghaNIvAra lAgatuM hatuM ke AnuM pariNAma sAruM nahi Ave !' 'kaMjUsAi bhAre paDI gai. paNa have zuM ?' meM mahAvatane pUchyuM : 'senA phUTI gai to bhale phUTI gai. tuM to nathI phUTyo ne ? phUTyo hoya to kahI deje !' 'nA... rAjan ! huM nathI phUTyo. ApaNA pakSe ApaNe mAtra traNa ja chIe. eka Apa, bIjo huM ne trIjo A hAthI !' mahAvate kahyuM. mArA mahAvatanuM nAma hatuM : zAmaLa ane hAthInuM nAma hatuM : kalahapaMcAnana. traNa to basa che ! ApaNe traNa majabUta chIe. to traNa hajArane pahoMcI vaLIzuM.' meM kahyuM 25-25 varSa rajhaLapATa karatAM mArI aMdara eka ajabano AtmavizvAsa pedA thayo hato. game tevI muzkelIomAM paNa huM kadI mananI svasthatA ke aMdaranI hiMmata gumAvato nahi. muzkelInI AgamAM rahI-rahIne huM ekadama ghaDAi gayo hato. mAruM vyaktitvarUpI sonuM zuddha thaIne bahAra AvyuM hatuM. meM mahAvatane kahyuM : 'o... olA... arNorAja pAse ApaNA hAthIne haMkArI jA.' saDasaDATa mAro hAthI ekadama arNorAja tarapha dhasavA lAgyo. paNa re, sAmethI jabaradasta siMhagarjanA thai. dhasamasatA pahADa jevA mArA hAthIne rokavA luccA arNorAje siMhanAda karAvyo hato. siMhanAdanA avAjathI mAro hAthI pAcho khasavA lAgyo. paNa huM hiMmata hAruM tevo nhoto. meM khesanA cIrA karI hAthInA baMne kAnamAM bharAvyA. have huM kumArapALa * 421

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siMhanAdathI jarA paNa gabharAyA vinA mAro hAthI saDasaDATa arNorAjanA hAthI pAse ekadama najIka dhasI gayo. mArA hAthI para AvavA arNorAje ekadama kUdako lagAvyo. e haju e ja khyAlamAM rAcato hato ke hAthI para beThelo mahAvata cAulIMga che, je meM phoDelo che, eTale mane sahAyatA karaze. paNa mahAvata to badalAi gayo hato. meM cAulIMganA sthAne zAmaLa nAmano navo mahAvatane niyukta karyo hato. arNorAjane AnI khabara nhotI. jyAM teNe mArA hAthI para kUdako lagAvyo te ja vakhate mArA vaphAdAra zAmaLa mahAvate hAthIne pAcho haTAvyo. dhaDUma... aNorAja paDyo sIdho nIce. huM tenI chAtI para caDI beTho. tenI jIbha kheMcIne kahyuM : bola, zuM vicAra che tAro ? jIvavuM che ke maravuM che ? te bicAro dIna mukhe mArI pAse prANonI yAcanA karavA lAgyo. eTalAmAM mArI bena devaladevI AvI pahoMcI ane teNe patibhikSA mAMgI. meM tene amuka zarato pUrvaka choDI mUkyo. cArebAju mArA nAmano jaya-jayakAra thai gayo. ajitanAtha bhagavAnanAM darzana karI huM jItavAnI icchAe pATaNathI nIkaLyo hato. meM manomana e ajitanAtha bhagavAnane yAda karyA. aNarAja paNa mArA parAkramathI khuza thai gayo ane teNe potAnI putrI jahaNA mArI sAthe paraNAvI. meM tenuM navuM nAma pADyuM H caMdralekhA. rAjagacchIya AcAryazrI dharmaghoSasUrijInA upadezathI prabhAvita thayelI caMdralekhA parama dhArmika vRttivALI hatI. arNorAja para mArI A jIta vi.saM. 1207mAM thai hatI. rAjagAdI para AvyuM ane tyAre ATha varSa thayA hatA. A jItathI sapAdalakSa, meDatA ane pAlImAM mArI ANa vartI rahI. huM tyAMthI cittoDa thai mALavA tarapha gayo. cittoDamAM meM lokalAgaNIne mAna ApI vijaya smAraka tarIke siddhezvara mahAdevanuM maMdira baMdhAvyuM. meM mahAdevanuM maMdira baMdhAvyuM eno artha e nathI ke haju paNa huM mahAdevano ja bhakta hato. have to meM deva tarIke vItarAga devane ja svIkAryA hatA, chatAM mahAdevanuM maMdira meM banAvyuM. rAjAone kyAreka Atma kathAo * 422 loka-pravAhane dekhIne evuM karavuM paDatuM hoya che. siddhezvara mahAdevanA maMdiranA nibhAva mATe meM eka gAma ApyuM. maMdiranI prazasti digaMbara muni rAmakIrtie lakhI. maMdiranA naratharamAM tIrthakara bhagavaMtonA abhiSeka, paMca kalyANako vagere kotarAvyA. tame cittoDa jAva tyAre avazya e maMdira jojo. Aja-kAla e maMdira "rAjA mokalajInA maMdira' tarIke oLakhAya che. huM jyAre sapAdalakSa tathA mALavA jItI pATaNamAM Avyo tyAre gujarAtanI janatAe mane 'vijayodayI, tejovizeSAdayI, avaMtInAtha' vagere vizeSaNothI biradAvyo. tame have pUchazo : tamArA phUTI gayelA sainyane tame zI sajA ApI ? sajA ApyA vinA to rAjya cAle ja zI rIte ? dhAka besADavA kAMika to karyuM haze ne ? sAMbhaLo, tame jevI kalpanA karI rahyA cho, evuM meM kazuM ja karyuM nathI. meM e badhA sainikone mAphI ApI dIdhI. Ama mAphI ApavAthI to rAjakIya prabhAva osarI jAya. rAjA prabhAvahIna banI jAya. koi tenI AjJAne gaNakAre nahi. evA vicAro kadAca tamane AvyA haze. paNa badhe ja kAMi sajA karavAnI hotI nathI. sajA karIe to prabhAva vadhe ne mAphI ApIe to prabhAva ghaTe, evuM paNa nathI. kyAreka enAthI UlaTuM paNa bane. meM jyAre e tamAma bevaphA sainikone mAphI ApI tyAre teo mArI udAratA joi pIgaLI gayA ane teo kAyama mATe mArA vaphAdAra banI gayA. A che mAnasika udAratAno prabhAva ! AzritonA doSo gaLI javA e moTI kaLA che, ema mane A prasaMgathI barAbara samajAyuM. huM kumArapALa * 423

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(8) kaMTakezvarI devIno prakopa mArA rAjyamAM ahiMsAno pracAra vegavaMto banyo hato. lokomAM dayAbhAva vadhyo hato. mAMsAhArI mANaso paNa annAhArI banyA hatA ane jIvadayAnA premI banyA hatA. ATaluM badhuM prajAnuM parivartana joi mane khUba AnaMda thato. paNa tame ema nahi mAnatA ke ahiMsAnA mArga para cAlatAM mane koi vidana nathI AvyA. khUba vidano AvyA che. mAMsa lolupI mANaso taraphathI to AvyA paNa devo taraphathIye vipno AvyA ane meM tamAmane laData ApI. devo taraphathI AvelA vidananI huM tamane vAta kahuM. mArA saMpUrNa dezamAM meM ahiMsAno kAyado banAvyo. jIva hatyA saMpUrNa baMdha thai. pahelA ja varSe Aso mahinAnA divaso vakhate mArI saMpUrNa parIkSA thai. mArI kuLadevI hatI kaMTakezvarI. tenA pUjArIo mArI pAse AvyA ane kahevA lAgyA : "rAjanuM ! kuLadevI mATe A divasomAM pazuonuM balidAna apAya che to zuM karavuM che ? Aso suda sAtamanA sAtaso, AThamanA AThaso ane nomanA navaso... kula 2400 bakarA, e rIte sAtamanA sAta, AThamanA ATha ane nomanA nava pADA... kula 24 pADA joize. to Apa ATalA bakarA ane pADAno prabaMdha karI Apo.' pUjArIonI A vAta sAMbhaLI huM stabdha banI gayo. ararara.. ATalI badhI hatyA ? e paNa devI mATe ? meM spaSTa zabdomAM kahI dIdhuM : pUjArIjI ! e nahi banI zake.' paNa rAjan ! A paraMparA bApa-dAdAthI cAlI Ave che - e to Apa jANo cho ne ? jo eno amala nahi karavAmAM Ave to devIno kopa vahoravo paDaze. ApanA pitAjI vagere paNa AvuM karatA hatA to Apane zo vAMdho che ?" pUjArIe kahyuM. Atma kathAo * 424 pUjArIjI ! mArI vAta sAMbhaLI lo. bApa-dAdAthI cAlI AvatI badhI ja paraMparAo svIkArI levI evo huM jaDa paraMparA premI nathI. bApAe khodAvelA kuvAmAMthI khAruM pANI nIkaLe to e khAruM ja pANI huM pIuM - evo jaDa huM nathI. huM to je sAcuM che teno ja svIkAra karIza. ema to A duniyAmAM hajAro paraMparAo cAle che - badhI kAMi satya thoDI hoya che ? jo ke duniyAnA badhA ja mANaso pota-potAnI paraMparAne satya ja mAnatA hoya che. ene choDavAno vicAra paNa karI zakatA nathI. mane maLelI paraMparA asatya hoi zake - evo vicAra paNa na karI zake to choDe kyAMthI ? paNa kharuM jotAM moTA bhAganI paraMparAomAM jUTha, vahema, ajJAna ke bhrama sivAya kazuM hotuM nathI. huM evI AMdhaLI paraMparAomAM mAnato nathI. kadAca ema karatAM devIno khopha vahoravo paDe to paNa mane vAMdho nathI. hA... devIne huM miSTAnna vagerenuM naivedya jarUra caDAvIza, paNa pazuo to haragIja nahi." mArI vAta pUjArI sAMbhaLI rahyo. enA caherA parathI lAgatuM hatuM ke ene mArI vAta gamatI nathI. paNa e mArI sAmuM kAMi bolI zakyo nahi. teNe maMdiramAM mArA kahyA mujaba mIThAio caDAvI. trIjA divase rAtre huM mArA khaMDamAM sUvAnI taiyArI karato hato tyAM ja mane eka bhayaMkara trADa saMbhaLAi. meM joyuM to eka vikarALa tejapuMja mane dekhAyo ne temAM bhayaMkara AkRtivALI devI dekhAi. bApa re, zuM enuM bihAmaNuM svarUpa hatuM ? mANasa jotAM ja dhrUjI UThe. bhUta ane pretanI vAta sAMbhaLatAM paNa dhrUjI UThAya to sAkSAt jovAnI to vAta ja zI ? paNa huM gabharAyo nahoto. game tevA prasaMgomAM paNa svasthatA na gumAvavAnI kaLA meM hastagata karI lIdhI hatI. eTale ja huM dareka koyaDAo sahelAithI ukelI zakato hato. huM bIjuM kAMi vicAruM te pahelAM ja e kaMTakezvarI devI bolI UThI : "rAjana ! zuM mAMDyuM che ? ahiMsAnI vevalAi choDavI che ke nahi? tArA bApa-dAdAo paNa mane bali caDAvatA hatA. tuM vaLI kayo navo rAjA pedA thayo ? mAruM vArSika bali Ape che ke nahi ? nahi ApIza to tenuM pariNAma zuM Avaze te tuM jANe huM kumArapALa * 425

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che ? huM devI chuM ne A trizULa... AMkho kADhIne devI bolI rahI hatI. tenI AMkho jANe dhagadhagatA aMgArA bharelI sagaDI lAgatI hatI ! paNa meM jarAya DaryA vinA pUrNa svasthatAthI kahyuM : devI ! tame to jagadaMbA kahevAo. tame to jagatanA jIvonuM rakhopuM karo. rakhevALa pote ja jo hatyA kare to kyAM javuM ? rakSaka ja bhakSaka bane to kyAM poka mUkavI ? vADa ja cIbhaDAM gaLe kyAM phariyAda karavI ? devI ! pazuonA balinuM Apa zuM karazo ? mAtra tamAzo dekhavA ATalA badhA nirdoSa pazuonI hatyA ?' 'have tuM vevalAi mUka ane mAruM kahyuM mAna" devI garjI UThI. o kaMTakezvarI ! to tuM sAMbhaLI le ke sUrya kadAca pazcimamAM Uge to paNa A kumArapALa have hiMsA karavAno nathI. tuM karI-karIne zuM karavAnI che ? mane mArI nAkhavAthI vadhu zuM karavAnI che ? mane mArI nAkhavAthI tuM khuza thAya ema che ? to mArI nAkha. mAruM balidAna apAi jAya to bhale apAi jAya, paNa huM nirdoSa pazuono bali kadI nahi caDavA dauM.' meM spaSTa zabdomAM mAro AkharI pheMsalo jaNAvI dIdho. | 'ema ? mArI sAme ATaluM ghamaMDa ? le leto jA ahiMsAnI pUMchaDI !' devIe trizUla uchALIne mArI chAtImAM vIMdhyuM ane e ja kSaNe e adRzya thai gai. trizuLanA e prahArathI huM maryo to nahi, paNa mArA AkhA zarIramAM bhayaMkara baLatarA thavA mAMDI. zarIra koDha rogathI grasta banI gayuM. aMdara koie Aga lagADI hoya tevo tIvra dAha thavA mAMDyo. vedanA to evI bhayaMkara hatI ke bhalabhalo mANasa paNa calita thai jAya paNa huM to ahiMsA dharmamAM saMpUrNa sthira rahyo. paraMtu have mane vicAra Avyo : savAre loko mane joze to zuM kaheze? basa ahiMsAnI upAsanAnuM A ja phaLane ? bahu moTA upADe ahiMsA-ahiMsAnA baNagAM phUMkato hato te kumArapALa joyone ? Akhara kevI dazA thai ? kuLadevIno methIpAka cAkhavo paDyo ne ? AvuM vicAranArA / bolanArA loko kaMTakezvarIno prabhAva joi mithyAdharmamAM vizvAsa karaze. ahiMsA karatAM hiMsAne baLavAna gaNaze. jaina dharma karatAM mithyAdharmamAM vizvAsa karaze. ahiMsA karatAM hiMsAne baLavAna gaNaze. jaina dharma karatAM mithyAdharma mahAna che - Avo bhrama deDha thaze. mArA nimitte zAsananI AvI apabhrAjanA thAya te kema cAle ? huM zAsananI prabhAvanA na karI zake to kAMi nahi, kama se kama apabhrAjanAmAM to nimitta na banuM ! to have mAre zuM karavuM ? koi loko mane jue te pahelAM ja huM citAmAM saLagI jAuM to ? hA, e ja sAruM che. AnAthI satya dharmanI avahIlanA thatI aTakaze. meM A vAta bAhaDa maMtrIne kahI : mAre sUryodaya pahelAM ja citAmAM saLagI javuM che. stabdha thai gayelA bAhaDe mArI pAsethI saMpUrNa vAta jANI ane kahyuM : mahArAjA ! Apa utAvaLa nA karo. je karavuM hoya te gurudeva zrI hemacandrasUrijIne pUchIne karajo. huM gurudeva pAse hamaNAM ja jAuM chuM. tyAM sudhI Apa navakAra maMtranuM smaraNa karajo. badhA sArAM vAnAM thaze. bAhaDa maMtrI tarata ja gayA ane thoDA ja samayamAM pAchA pharyA. emanA hAthamAM jalapUrNa pAtra hatuM. huM jotAM ja samajI gayo : mArA gurudeve A maMtrita pANI mokalyuM che. mane have vizvAsa thai gayo : basa, mAro roga gayo. have mAre maravuM nahi paDe. mane gurudeva tarapha atUTa vizvAsa hato. emanA vAkyane huM maMtra samajato. emanI AjJAne huM prabhunI AjJA mAnato. e mArA jIvananuM sarvasva hatA. gurudeva taraphanI mArI A zraddhA haMmezAM phaLatI rahI. deva, guru, tIrtha, auSadhi, maMtra, svapna, jyotiSa A badhA padArtho evA che ke tyAM zraddhA rAkho to ja phaLa maLe. zraddhA jeTalI UMDI... phaLa eTaluM joradAra ! mane mArA gurudeva para UMDI zraddhA hatI. pANI jotAM ja mAruM mana bolI UDyuM : have vidana gayA ! ane kharekhara ema ja thayuM, bAhaDa maMtrIe jyAM pANI chAMTyuM tyAM ja mArA zarIranI baLatarA zAMta thai gai ane koDha roga paNa jato rahyo. mAruM zarIra pUrvavat banI gayuM. oha ! gurudeva ! Apa kevA kRpALu cho ? mane pharI Ape jIvana-dAna ApyuM. ApanA AvA anaMta upakAronuM RNa huM kayA bhavamAM cUkavI zakIza ? mAruM hRdaya bolI rahyuM. savAra thatAM ja pUjya gurudevanA darzanArthe huM upAzraye gayo. daravAjA huM kumArapALa * 427 Atma kathAo * 426

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IT (9) maMkoDo bacAvavA... pAse eka strI raDI rahI hatI. mane te joi karuNA UpajI. enA dardanuM kAraNa pUchavAnuM mana thayuM. paNa gurudevanA darzananI utsukatA khUba hatI eTale pahelAM gurudeva pAse huM pahoMcyo. pUchyuM: 'gurudeva ! bahAra kaI strI raDe che ? zA mATe raDe che ?' 'kumArapALa ! e manuSya strI nathI, devI che, je devIe tane trizULa vIMjhavuM e ja tArI kuLadevI kaMTakezvarI che. meM ene maMtrazaktithI bAMdhI che.' gurudeve kahyuM. 'ene ahIM bolAvo ane jIvadayA premI banAvo." meM gurudevane prArthanA karI. bIjI ja paLe meM joyuM to pelI devI hAtha joDIne gurudeva samakSa UbhI hatI ane kahI rahI hatI : "sUrideva ! havethI huM kadI pazuonA balidAna nahi mAguM. atyAra sudhI meM je julama gujAryo te badala huM dilagIrI vyakta karuM chuM.' devInI AMkhamAM pazcAttApa dekhAI rahyo hato. enI AMkhomAM karuNAno janma thayelo jaNAto hato. enI vikarALa AkRti saumya banI gai hatI. tyArathI kAyama mATe kuLadevI kaMTakezvarIne tyAM thatI pazu-hatyA aTakI gai. bhaviSyamAM thanArI hajAro pazuonI katalane meM aTakAvI dIdhI. Ano eTalo jabaradasta prabhAva paDyo ke samagra gujarAtamAM jyAM jyAM deva-devIo pAse pazuo caDAvavAmAM AvatA hatA te badhA ja baMdha thai gayA. tenA sthAne naivedya, phaLa vagere caDavA lAgyA. A prasaMgathI mArA jIvanamAM ahiMsAnI bhAvanA ekadama majabUta banI gai. karuNA, jayaNA, ahiMsA, amAri, dayA vagere mArA priyamAM priya zabdo banI gayA. re, e ja mArA zvAsarUpa banI rahyA. mArA pratyeka zvAsamAM, nADInA pratyeka dhabakAramAM karuNA ane jayaNAno nAda thato hoya - evuM huM keTalIyevAra anubhavato. bIjAne thatI vedanA huM joi na zakato. e mArI ja vedanA hoya evuM mane saMvedana thatuM. eka vAra rAtre huM pauSadhamAM hato. eka sthAne besI zAMtithI jApa karI rahyo hato. tyAM mArA hAtha para maMkoDo coMTyo. jApamAM ekAgra thayela mana maMkoDAmAM gayuM. huM evo moTo yogI hoto ke maMkoDA ke vIMchI karaDe toya mane khabara na paDe, zarIrane huM sAva ja bhUlI jAuM ! maMkoDAne haTAvavA tarata ja mAro bIjo hAtha dhasI javA lAgyo. tyAM ja mArA hRdayamAM rahelI karuNA bolI UThI : joje, kumArapALa ! kyAMka utAvaLamAM nirdoSa maMkoDo marI na jAya. tArI thoDI ja utAvaLa ane maMkoDAnuM mRtyu ! maMkoDAno svabhAva to tuM jANe ja che ne ? ekavAra cIpajyA pachI bahu ja muzkelIthI UkhaDe. tUTe, paNa chUTe nahi - maMkoDAno Avo svabhAva ! mAro hAtha tarata ja thaMbhI gayo. A vakhate bahu ja jAgRti joie, tIrNa upayoga joie. kAraNa ke te vakhate ghaNIvAra ajANatAM ja ApaNo hAtha tyAM pahoMcI jAya che ne khaNI nAkhe che ne zudra jaMtu marI jAya che. macchara ke koi jaMtu karaDe tyAre tame jojo. A prakriyA keTalI jhaDapI bane che ? eTale ja jayaNApremI ArAdhako zarIra para jyAre paNa khaMjavALa Ave tyAre muhapattI, caravaLo ke khesathI puMjI pachI khaNe che. puMjavApramArjavAnA temanA saMskAro eTalA UMDA paDI jAya che ke ajAgRta mana paNa A aMge sajAga rahe che. AvA ArAdhako rAtre UMghamAM paDakhuM pherave tyAre paNa puMjatA-pramArjatA hoya che.. mAro hAtha jorathI karaDI rahelA maMkoDA pAse pahoMcyo. meM tene haTAvavA prayatna karyo. paNa e haTe ? sattAno svAda cAkhI gayelo zAsaka siMhAsanathI haTe? mAnavanA lohIne cAkhI gayelo A maMkoDo huM jemajema haTAvavA prayatna karuM tema tema te potAnI pakaDa vadhu majabUta banAvato jato hato. pratyeka kSaNe mArI vedanA vadhatI jatI hatI. jo ke mane mArI vedanAnI nahi, paNa maMkoDAnA rakSaNanI ciMtA hatI. huM kumArapALa * 429 Atma kathAo * 428

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|T (10) pratilekhakanuM sanmAna || mArA zarIra para coMTelA e makoDAne dUra karavA AsapAsanA zrAvako mArI pAse AvI pahoMcyA. paNa temane kahI dIdhuM : tame dUra ja rahejo. nAhaka bicAro A maMkoDo marI jaze. maMkoDo koi paNa hisAbe mArA lohIno svAda choDavA taiyAra hoto ne huM koi paNa hisAbe ene mAravA taiyAra hoto. tamane thatuM haze ? kyAM mAMsAhArI kumArapALa ne kyAM maMkoDAne bacAvavA tatpara rahenAra kumArapALa ? tamane to zuM ? mane paNa navAi lAge che. ATaluM badhuM parivartana ? paNa 'kame sUrA te dhamma surA' e kahevata emane ema nathI paDI. ghaNuM karIne je ghaNA pApo karIne dharma pAmyA hoya che te dharmane atyaMta daDhatAthI vaLagI rahe che. maMkoDAe joradAra pakkaDa jamAvI dIdhI hatI. jIvato te koi paNa rIte chUTo thai zake tema nhoto. kheMcavAthI TUkaDA thAya tema hatuM. pArevAnI rakSA khAtara potAnA zarIramAMthI mAMsa ApanAra bhagavAna zrI zAMtinAtha (megharathanA bhavamAM) mane yAda AvyA. e bhagavAna jo eka pArevAnI rakSA karavA potAnA prANo ApavA taiyAra thatA hoya to e prabhuno sevaka huM AmAMthI koi bodhapATha na lai zakuM ? mAre zuM karavuM ? e mATe mane megharathanA jIvanamAMthI tarata javAba maLI gayo. meM dhAradAra charI maMgAvI ane maMkoDo je bhAga para cIpakI gayo hato eTalA bhAganI cAmaDI dhIrethI kApI lIdhI ane maMkoDAne chUTo karyo. mAruM hRdaya jANe maMkoDAne kahI rahyuM hatuM : tane mAruM lohI, mArI cAmaDI bahu bhAve che. ArAmathI khAto rahe. jayaNA dharmanI mAtA che. jayaNA dharmanuM pAlana-poSaNa karanArI che. jayaNA tapanI vRddhi karanArI che. jayaNA ekAMte sukha denArI che. evuM mane hRdayathI barAbara pratIta thai gayuM tyArathI jayaNA mAruM jIvana banI hatI. mane jayaNA khUba ja gamatI hatI, jayaNA premI loko paNa mane khUba gamatA. mane jayaNApremI mANasanI khabara paDI jAya to huM enuM bahumAna karyA vinA raheto nahi. mane khyAla hato ke jenuM bahumAna karavAmAM Ave e guNa prajAmAM joradAra vyApta bane che. sAmAnya rIte prAyaH dareka mANasa potAnI koi kadara thAya potAnuM koi bahumAna thAya tema icchato hoya che. eTalA mATe ja prAyaH enI pravRttio hoya che. jo ene khabara paDe ke guNonuM sanmAna thai rahyuM che to e guNo meLavavA prayatna karaze. jo ene khabara paDaze ke durguNonI, jUTha ane prapaMcanI bolabAlA che, to e tarapha doDavA lAgaze. Aje tamArI AsapAsa jUTha, prapaMca, vizvAsaghAta, chetarapIMDI, anyAya vagere kema phAlI-phUlI rahyA che? kAraNa ke Ajano mANasa jANe che ke AnI ja kiMmata che. jUTha ane prapaMcathI ja mANasa paisAdAra bane che. paisAdAra bane che, tene badhA mAnanI dRSTie jue che. jyAre je sAco ane nyAyI hoya che te emane ema khAkhI baMgALI rahe che ne loko enI sAme paNa jotA nathI. loko jo jUThanI ja pUjA karatA hoya to ApaNe zA mATe satya tarapha doDavuM ? sAmAnya mANaso Ama vicArI jUTha-prapaMca ane hiMsA tarapha doTa mUke che, paisA tarapha doTa mUke che. paisAthI emane sanmAna joie che. huM jANato hato ke jyAM hiMsA, jUTha ane corI sanmAna pAmatA hoya tyAM e vadhe ja. huM to kalikAlamAM paNa ahiMsA, satya ane acauryane sanmAnita-pratiSThita karavA mAMgato hato. tevA lokonuM bahumAna karavA mAMgato hato. jayaNApremI AtmAonuM sanmAna karavAnI taka huM tarata ja jhaDapI leto hato. Atma kathAo * 430 huM kumArapALa * 431

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(11) kAzImAM ahiMsA - pracAra eka prasaMga huM tamane kahuM. ekavAra huM upAzrayamAM gayelo. tyAM eka moTA paTArA pAse eka mANasa temAM rahelA kapaDAnuM paDilehaNa karato hato. pUchatAM jANavA maLyuM ke - pATaNanA ArAdhako mATe AmAM kaTAsaNA, caravaLA, muhapatti, dhotiyAM vagere upakaraNo rAkhavAmAM Ave che ne te badhA upakaraNonuM divasamAM be vAra paDilehaNa A garIba zrAvaka kare che. koinA paNa kahyA vinA, koipaNa icchA vinA barAbara vidhipUrvaka bola bolIne paDilehaNa kare che. mane A joIne khUba ja AnaMda thayo. enI jayaNA mane gamI. mANasa koinA kahevAthI to hajuye kAma kare, paNa A to sva-icchAthI jayaNA pratyenA premathI A kAma karI rahyo che; vaLI koi jonArA hoya to to ghaNAya kare, paNa koi jonAruM na hoya tyAre karanArA keTalA ? koi paNa apekSA vinA svAthyathI jayaNAnuM kAma karatA A zrAvakanuM bahumAna thavuM ja joie. mAruM hRdaya pokArI UThyuM. meM e garIba zrAvakane te ja vakhate paMdaraso ghoDA ane bAra gAmo ApyA. AkhA pATaNamAM jayaNAnI suvAsa prasarI gai. have tame ja kaho : mArA dezamAM jayaNA ane karuNA kema na vadhe ? hiMsA kema na aTake ? jU mAranAranI pAsethI meM daMDarUpe ""kAvihAra baMdhAvyo hato. mArA sainyanA 11 lAkha ghoDA paNa gaLeluM pANI pItA hatA. e ghoDAo para paNa puMjaNIthI puMjIne besavAno kAyado hato. mAchImArI ane zikAra baMdha hatA. sAteya vyasanone meM dezavaTo Apyo hato. duSTono nigraha karato hato. sajjanonuM sanmAna karato hato. have mArA rAjyamAM ahiMsAdevI sarvatra pUjAya emAM kAMi navAi kharI ? mArI to evI icchA hatI ke mAtra mArA rAjyamAM ja nahi, bIjA rAjyamAM paNa ahiMsAno vijaya-DaMko vAgato rahe. bIjA dezomAM paNa ahiMsAno pracAra karavA huM prayatna karato. ekavAra mane samAcAra maLyA : kAzInA taLAvamAM puSkaLa mAchalAM pakaDavAmAM Ave che ne ghora hiMsA cAlI rahI che. mane A sAMbhaLI khUba ja duHkha thayuM ! bicArAM mAchalAM ! pANImAM AnaMdathI pharanArA ! zA mATe mAnava e nirdoSa prANIne mArI nAkhe ? mANaso paNa emane mArI nAkhIne zA mATe pApa bAMdhe ? mArA hRdayamAM mAchalAM ane mAnava baMne para karuNA jAgI UThI. mAchalAnAM dravya prANa bacAvavAnI ane mAnavanA bhAva prANa bacAvavAnI mArI karuNA mAtra hRdayastha na rahetAM sakriya thai UThI. Ama to kAzI e mArA tAbAnuM rAjya na hatuM, chatAM zuM thayuM? zubha bhAvathI kyAMya paNa thoDoka paNa prayatna karavAmAM Ave to enuM phaLa maLe ja maLe. ApaNA zubha bhAvanI asara sAmAvALA mANasa para paDe. meM AvuM kAMika vicArI mArA eka dUtane eka kroDa sonAmahora sAthe tyAM mokalyo. thoDA vakhatamAM pAchA pharIne teNe samAcAra ApyA : "rAjana ! ApaNuM jIvadayAnuM kAma khUba ja suMdara rIte patI gayuM che. meM eka kroDa sonAmahoro kAzInA rAjAnA caraNe dharI ane badhI vAta kahI tyAre teo bolI UThyA : oha! gujarAtanA e rAjA kumArapALanI ATalI badhI karuNA? enA mATe kroDa sonAmahoro mokale ? dhanyavAda che enI janetAne jeNe Avo ahiMsApremI putra jagatane Apyo. he dUta ! tArA rAjAne kaheje ke ApanuM sUcana svIkAryuM che ne taLAvamAMthI mAchImArI saMpUrNa baMdha karI dIdhI che. paNa enA badalAmAM huM kAMi levA nathI mAMgato. ema karIne huM mAruM puNya vecavA nathI mAMgato. paNa kumArapALe mane AvA ghora Atma kathAo * 432 huM kumArapALa * 433

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T(12) mArA tAbedAra rAjAonI ahiMsA pApamAMthI bacAvyo e badala huM bIjuM to zuM karI zakuM? paNa mArI A nAnakaDI bheTa tamArA rAjAne Apajo.' ema kahI mane eka koDa sonAmahoro ApI bhAvabharI vidAya ApI.' dUte Ama kahI be kroDa sonAmahoro mArA caraNe dharI. meM te rAjA para eka kroDa sonAmahora mokalI hatI te pAchI AvI. tenI sAthe kAzInA rAjAe ApelI eka kroDa sonAmahoro paNa AvI. huM tAjuba thai gayo. zubha bhAvathI kareluM kArya kevuM umadA phaLa Ape che ? eno mane pratyakSa anubhava thayo. mAtra huM ja nahIM, mArA tAbAmAM rahelA rAjAonI paNa ahiMsA para deDha zraddhA thayelI hatI. AthI teo paNa potAnA rAjyamAM ahiMsAnuM kaDakapaNe pAlana karAvatA. eno bhaMga karanArane kaDaka sajA paNa karatA. eka vakhata mArA eka mANase nADolanI ghaTanA kahI saMbhaLAvI. AthI mane khUba ja AnaMda thayo. ghaTanA A pramANe hatI : nADolamAM kehaNa nAmano rAjA, je mAro tAbedAra hato, tenA lAkhA nAmanA sthagIdharane pazunA balidAna para bahu zraddhA hatI. paNa jIva-hatyA pratibaMdhano kaDaka kAyado hato tethI te tema karI zake ema hoto. paNa jeNe karavuM ja hoya tene koNa rokI zake ? Akhare teNe potAnuM kAma karyuM ja, mATInA rAmapAtramAM mAMsa bharI chUpI rIte kSetrapALane caDAvyuM paNa vAta kAMi chAnI rahe ? game tyAMthI game te rIte game toya chupI vAta prAyaH jAhera thai ja jatI hoya che. trilocana nAmanA cakora koTavALane A vAtanI gaMdha AvI gai. rAmapAtra banAvanAra kuMbhAra dvArA samagra ghaTanA jANI lIdhI ane te karanAra paNa lAkho ja che, e paNa jANyuM. rAjA kelhaNane AnI khabara paDatAM ja lAkhAne aparAdhI TharAvI sakhata daMDa karyo. have tame jANI zakyA hazo ke mArA rAjyamAM keTalI kaDakAithI ahiMsAnuM pAlana thatuM hatuM ? Atma kathAo * 434 huM kumArapALa - 435

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(13) rudatI-dhana-tyAga || kadAca tame pUchazo : zuM tamane pazuo para ja prema hato ? mANaso para nahi? ame e jANavA mAMgIe chIe ke tame mANaso mATe zuM karyuM? bhalA mANasa ! tame paNa kharA cho. pazu mATe prANa ApI devA taiyAra thanAra mANasa, mANasa mATe kAMi na kare, evuM tame zI rIte vicArI zako cho? prANI mATe mane prema hoya to mAnava para kema na hoya ? mArA jIvananI eka ghaTanA kahuM, eTale mAro mAnava-prema tame sArI rIte samajI zakazo. eka vakhate pATaNanA vepArI maMDaLe AvIne mane samAcAra ApyA : rAjana ! ApaNA nagaramAM kuberadatta nAmano moTo vepArI Aja rAtre ja mRtyu pAmyo che. e aDhaLaka samRddhino mAlika hato, paNa ene tyAM koi putra nathI. mATe aputriyAnuM dhana ApanuM thAya che. mATe Apa emanA ghera padhAro ane badhuM dhana rAjakhajAnAmAM jamA karAvo. huM kuberadattanA ghera gayo. oha ! zuM adbhuta ghara hatuM ! Ane ghara na kahevAya, A to rAjamahela che, rAjamahela. mAruM mana bolI rahyuM hatuM. enI AlIzAna havelI ja enI suvizALa samRddhine kahI rahI hatI. tyAM jinamaMdira paNa hatuM. huM tyAM darzana karavA gayo. oha ! adbhuta hatuM e jinamaMdira ! jayAM meM paga mUkyo, e bhUmi ja ratnajaDita hatI ne bhagavAnanI mUrti to caMdrakAnta maNinI hatI. meM bhAva-vibhora hRdaye prabhunAM darzana karyA. derAsaranI eka bhIMta para mArI najara gaI. tyAM kuberadattanA parigraha parimANanI noMdha hatI. noMdha A pramANe hatI : 100 hAthI, 50 hajAra ghoDA, 80 hajAranuM gokula, 1 hajAra ratna-hIrA vagere jhaverAta, 500 haLa, 500 gADAM, 500 vahANa, 5 ghara, 5 dukAna, 2000 dhAnyanA koThAra, cha karoDa sonAmahora, 6 karoDano cAMdI vagere kiMmatI mAla. kuberadattanI apAra saMpatti para, tenI dhArmikatA para Azcaryavibhora cittathI vicAra karato huM jinAlayamAMthI bahAra nIkaLyo tyAM ja mArA kAne strIonA rudanano avAja Avyo. zuM karuNa hatuM e rudana ? sAMbhaLanAranuM hRdaya pIgaLyA vinA na rahe, jo thoDo paNa dayAno chAMTo hoya ! mane jANavA maLyuM ke karuNa rudana kuberadattanI mAtA ane patnInuM hatuM. rAtre ja mAtAe vahAlasoyo putra ane patnIe potAno prANapyAro priyatama khoyo hato ane have adhUrAmAM pUruM dhana paNa rAjA lai leze. AthI teo karuNa rIte raDI rahI che. - strIonA rudane mane vicAramAM mUkI dIdho : zuM A rIte huM dhana lauM te vAjabI gaNAya kharUM? koinA nisAsAvALuM dhana mane zI rIte pace? ekato bicArI strIo putra-pativihoNI banI ane have huM temanuM dhana laine paDatA para pATuM mAruM ? kharekhara to AvI anAtha strIone mAre kAMika ApavuM joie... paNa huM to ahIM levA Avyo chuM ! chaTa... | dhikkAra che tArI AvI lobhI dAnatane ! manomana huM mArI jAtane dhikkArI rahyo. meM manathI nakkI karI nAkhyuM AvuM dhana mArA khajAnAmAM na joie. mAro khajAno duHkhIonA AMsu bharavA mATe nathI. jo ke kAyado mArA pakSamAM hato. paraMparA paNa mane Teko ApatI hatI. mahAjana mArA paDakhe hatuM. manusmRti, arthazAstra ane abhijJAnazAkuMtalanA prAcIna zAstronA AdhAro mArI tarapheNa karatA hatA. basa, eka mAruM jaina dharmathI bhAvita thayeluM karuNAA hRdaya ja tarapheNa nhotuM karatuM. e mane daDhapaNe kahI rahyuM hatuM : kumArapALa ! chetarAiza nahi. lAlacamAM lalacAiza nahi. tuM makkamapaNe AvuM dhana levAnuM nakArI kADhaje. jo A rIte tane levAnI Adata paDI gai to vAraMvAra e tarapha ja tAruM mana jaze. kyAre koi aputriyo mare ne kyAre mane enuM dhana maLe ? e ja tArI vezyA banI jaze. anAjano saMgharAkhora vepArI dukALa icche, kulaTA strI patinA mRtyune iccha, vaidarAja zrImaMtomAM roga iccha, nArada jhagaDAne iccha, durjana bIjAnA chidrane icche, tema tuM paNa aputriyA dhanikanuM mRtyu icchato thai jaiza; AvI vicAradhArA tArA hRdayane sAva ja niSphara ane kaThora banAvI deze. evA kaThora hRdayamAM dharmanA aMkurA UgI zakaze nahi. huM e raDatI strIo pAse gayo ane kahyuM : beno ! raDazo nahi. Atma kathAo * 436 huM kumArapALa * 437.

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(14) mArI sAdharmika-bhakti tamAruM A dhana laine huM tamane vadhu duHkhI karavA mAMgato nathI. tamAruM dhana huM nahi lauM. mAtra tamAruM ja nahi, AjathI huM kadI paNa koipaNa aputriyAnuM dhana laiza nahi. mArI A jAherAtathI sarvatra sannATo chavAi gayo. mArI chApa thoDIka kaMjUsanI kharI. Avo kaMjUsa (kharekhara huM kaMjUsa nahi, paNa karakasariyo hato) kumArapALa ATaluM badhuM dhana jatuM kare ? zarUAtamAM loko A vAta mAnI paNa zakyA nahi. Ama nahi karavA mATe amuka maMtrI vageree mane ghaNuM samajAvyuM ane kahyuM ke rAjanuM ! AnAthI ApaNA rAja-khajAnAmAM varSe lagabhaga 72 lAkha sonAmahoronI Avaka thAya che. AvaDI jaMgI Avakane paDatI kAM melo ? ne kAyado navo kyAM che ? ApanA pUrvagAmI badhA ja rAjAo AvuM karatA ja AvyA che ne ? jarA vyavahAru bano. badhI bAbatamAM dharama-dharama karazo to tijorI taLiyA-jhATaka thai jaze." paNa maMtrIonI vAtanI mArA para koi asara na thai. huM mArA karUNApUrNa vicArone vaLagI rahyo. vArSika 72 lAkha sonAmahoronI AvakavALo rUdatI-dhanano paTTo meM pANImAM nAkhI dIdho. pati vagerenA dhananI, (putra na hoya to) patnImAtA vagere mAlika bane, evo navo kAyado ghaDyo. khoTI paraMparAone vaLagI rahenAro huM nathI - evuM prajAmAM pharI ekavAra pUravAra thayuM. A kAyadAthI gujarAtamAM rudatI-dhana levAnuM baMdha thayuM ane chokaro khoLe levAno rivAja paNa baMdha thayo. mAruM A pagaluM gujarAtanA itihAsamAM jabaradasta krAMtikArI siddha thayuM. A ghaTanAthI kavioe mArI prazasti karatAM kahyuM : aputrINAM dhanaM gRhNan putro bhavati pArthivaH / tvaM tu saMtoSato muJcan satyaM rAjapitAmahaH / / putra vagaranI strIonuM dhana lenAra rAjA putra bane che. paNa he rAjana! te saMtoSa dhArI te dhana na lIdhuM. kharekhara tuM rAjAono paNa pitAmaha (dAdA) banyo. mane kavi sahita prajAe 'rAjapitAmaha' tarIke biradAvyo. tame haju pUchazo : rAjanuM ! tame jaina to banyA, paNa jainonA uddhAra mATe zuM karyuM ? sAdharmiko mATe zuM karyuM ? sAdharmiko mATe paNa meM kaMika karyuM che. enI preraNA zI rIte maLI ? e tamane jaNAvuM. eka vakhate mArA gurudeva pUjyazrI hemacandrasUrijIno pATaNamAM bhavya praveza hato. jabaradasta sAmaiyuM thavAnuM hatuM. huM tyAM gayo. meM joyuM ke sUrijIe pahereluM vastra ekadama jADuM hatuM. mane thayuM : huM bArIka ane suMdara vastro paheruM ane mArA gurudeva AvA barachaTa vastra pahere ? loko zuM kaheze ? kumArapALa gurudeva mATe kAMi karato lAgato nathI. meM khAnagImAM gurudevane A vAta jaNAvI. tyAre gurudeve mane je Takora karI te huM kadI bhUlI zakyo nahi. mane gurudeve kahyuM : kumArapALa ! tane mArA zarIra para barachaTa vastra dekhAya che eno vicAra Avyo, paNa e vahorAvanAra mAro koi sAdharmika baMdhuM ja haze, evo vicAra na Avyo? e kevI nirdhana sthitimAM haze tyAre AvuM vastra vahorAvyuM haze ? rAjanuM! jo kaMika karavA mAMgato hoya to AvA nirdhana sAdharmikono uddhAra kara. bAkI ame jADuM paherIe ke jhINuM amane koi pharaka paDato nathI. ame to phakkaDa chIe. paNa mukhya vAta A vastrane vahorAvanAranI che. A vastra vahorAvanAra zAkaMbharI (ajamera pAsenuM sAMbhara)no garIba zrAvaka dhanAzAha che. AvA hajAro dhanAzAha zAsanamAM paDelA che, emano tuM uddhAra kara. basa, mane ATalI Takora basa hatI. meM tyArathI sAdharmika-bhakti karavAno nirNaya karyo. e kAma guptarUpe karavA mATe meM AbhaDa zeTha tathA kapardI maMtrIne soMpyuM. nirdhana zrAvakane kama se kama so sonAmahoro ApavAnuM kahyuM. varSe eka kroDa sonAmahoro vAparavAmAM Ave, tevI AjJA karI, AbhaDa zeThe A kAma barAbara niSThAthI bajAvyuM. prathama varSano lAbha huM kumArapALa * 439 Atma kathAo * 438

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IT (15) mAruM zikSaNa TI potAne maLe e mATe vinaMti paNa karI. paraMtu meM sApha nA pADI dIdhI. bIjA to lAbha lai jAya, paNa huM kaMjUsa thai jAuM enuM zuM ? tyAra pachI huM 14 varSa sudhI jIvyo. dara varSe eka koDa sonAmahoro sAdharmiko mATe kharcato rahyo. tame kadAca jANavA icchazo : rAjanuM ! tame 24 thI 50 varSanI uMmara sudhI rajhaLapATa karI. tame kAMi bhaNyA ke nahi ? bhaNyA to kyAre bhaNyA ? tame kharUM pUchyuM. marmabhedI pUchyuM. paNa tame jo pUchyuM ja che to mAre mAruM badhuM spaSTapaNe kahI ja devuM joie. kharuM kahuM to pramANamAM huM ghaNo ja azikSita hato. rAjakIya jJAna meLavavuM mAre khUba ja jarUrI hatuM. maMtrI kapardIe e mATe eka zAstrI niyukta karyA hatA. emanI pAsethI huM dararoja kAmaMdakIya-nItizAstra sAMbhaLato hato. bapore eka kalAka dararoja zAstrIjI e mATe AvI jatA hatA. eka vakhate emAM rAjAne meghanI upamA apAyelI hatI. meM kahyuM : zuM rAjAne meghanI upamyA apAya che ?' jyAM mAruM A vAkya pUruM thayuM tyAM badhA mArA tarapha mUchamAM hasI rahyA hatA. teonA caherA parathI lAgyuM ke teo mArA para ja hasI rahyA hatA, paNa bhayanA mAryA khulluM hasI zakatA nahotA. huM vicAramAM paDI gayo. nakkI kAMika baphAi gayuM che. paNa zuM baphAyuM ? teno mane khyAla na Avyo. kapardI maMtrIe mane ekAMtamAM badhuM kahyuM tyAre mane khyAla Avyo ke zuM baphAyuM ? maMtrIe mIThAzathI mane kahyuM : jagata rAjA vagaranuM rahe to vAMdho nahi, paNa rAjA mUrkha to na ja hovo joie. upamA zabdanA sthAne upappA bolyA eTale tamAruM ajJAna khulluM thayuM. vidvAnonI sabhAmAM AvuM zI rIte cAle ? Ape zabdono samyaka prayoga to zIkhI ja levo joie. haju paNa kAMi vAMdho nathI. ApanI prajJA to dhAradAra che ja. Apa haju paNa zIkhI zako cho. maMtrInI A Takore mane vicAra karato karI mUkyo. meM saMskRta bhaNavA mATe manamAM gAMTha vALI ane mArA gurudevazrI hemacandrasUrijIe banAveluM vyAkaraNa huM bhaNavA lAgyo. jota-jotAmAM meM saMskRtanuM sAruM evuM jJAna meLavI lIdhuM. jo ke moTI uMmaramAM saMskRtamAM ekadama paripakavatA meLavavI Atma kathAo * 440 huM kumArapALa * 441

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meM to saMskRta jIvanamAM bahu ja moDethI zIkhIne bhUla karI, paNa tame evI bhUla karatA nahi. atyArathI ja saMskRta bhaNavAnuM zarU karI dejo. moTI uMmaramAM utsAhathI meM saMskRtano abhyAsa karyo. AthI mane vicAracaturAnananuM biruda maLyuM. to muzkela hoya che, chatAM meM saMtoSajanaka to adhyayana karyuM ja. mAruM adhyayana kevuM thayuM e viSe vadhu to huM zuM kahuM? kahevuM sAruM paNa na gaNAya. AtmaprazaMsA sArI nahi. e mATe tame mArI banAvelI "AtmaniMdA kAtrizikA' joI lejo. je saMskRtamAM banelI che ne temAM meM mArA hRdayanA bhAvo ThAlavyA che. huM keTalo pApI chuM? vagere vAta jaNAvI che ne chelle saMtoSa vyakta karatAM kahyuM che : prabhu ! ApanA jevA vItarAga deva maLyA. mokSanA sAkSI zrI hemacandrasUrijI jevA gurudeva maLyA. have mAre vadhu zuM joie. basa, prabhu ! tArI sevA mane bhavobhava maLatI rahe, eTaluM ja mAguM chuM.' mArI banAvelI e stuti 'AtmaniMdA dvAaizikA' tame vAMcajo ane pachI nakkI karajo ke mAruM saMskRta kevuM hatuM ? - have to mArI moTI uMmara thai gai. have huM zuM bhaNI zakuM? bhaNIne karavuM ya zuM che ? - ema mAnIne kadI bhaNavAnuM paDatuM mUkatA nahi. jIvanabhara vidyArthI banIne rahejo. moTI uMmare paNa nAnA bALaka jevI jijJAsA vRtti rAkhajo. mArA A prasaMgamAMthI ATalI preraNA jarUra lejo. huM sATha varSanI uMmare, ATalA rAjakIya vahIvaTa ane rAjakAraNanI khaTapaTo vacce bhaNI zake to tame kema na bhaNI zako ? saMskRta bhASA ke je prAyaH tamAma Arya bhASAonI mAtA che, jemAM uttamamAM uttama zAstrono | sAhityono khajAno che, jagatanA buddhimAnonuM DAhyA lokonuM samagra DahApaNa bhareluM che, te saMskRta bhASAnI tame upekSA zI rIte karI zako ? e bhASA sAthe to tamArA mULIyA jaDAyelA che. enI upekSA karIne tame tamArA ja mULa para kuhADI mArI rahyA cho, e kadI bhUlatA nahi. niyamothI paripUrNa, lAlityapUrNa, mAdhuryapUrNa saMskRta bhASA ekavAra bhaNazo to tamane lAgaze ke duniyAmAM AnA jevI paripUrNa bIjI eka bhASA hoi zake nahi. mAnava avatAra laine jeNe AvI adbhuta saMskRta bhASA na jANI, teNe zuM jANyuM ? teNe zuM meLavyuM ? saMskRta bhaNazo to tamane lAgaze ke kharekhara atyAra sudhIno mAro moTA bhAgano samaya eLe gayo ane divya jJAna-khajAnAthI huM ajANa ja rahyo ! Atma kathAo * 442 huM kumArapALa * 443

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(16) tailapanuM AkramaNa || tamane dharmano koi prabhAva jovA maLyo ke nahi ? evuM tame kadAca pUchatA ho to huM kahIza ke mane pagale-pagale dharmano prabhAva jovA maLyo che. divase-divase evI ghaTanAo banatI ke jethI mArI dharmazraddhA vadhatI ja jAya, vadhatI ja jAya. vi.saM. 1222mAM banelI eka ghaTanA tamane kahuM. eka vakhate comAsAnA samayamAM mane samAcAra maLyA : kuntala (karNATaka) dezano rAjA tailapa gujarAta para caDAi karavA AvI rahyo che. huM vicAramAM paDyo : kaMi kAraNa ? karNATaka sAthe meM zuM bagADyuM che ? acAnaka ja mane yAda AvyuM : haM... meM AMbaDa maMtrIzvarane koMkaNanA rAjA mallikArjunane jItavA mokalyo hato. pahelI vakhata to mallikArjune AMbaDane bhagADyo. paNa bIjI vakhata AMbaDe kAverI para pula bAMdhIne sAme kAMThe jaine mallikArjunane harAvyo. tenuM mAthuM kApI e mAthuM mArI pAse lAvyo tathA bIjI kiMmatI cIjo paNa lai Avyo. emAMnA 32 suvarNa kaLazomAMthI traNa kaLaza udAyana caitya, zakunikAvihAra ane rAjaghaTIghara para caDAvyA. AMbaDane 'rAjapitAmaha'nuM birUda ApyuM. koMkaNanI hAra thavAthI karNATakanA rAjA tailapa gusse bharAyo lAge che. kAraNa ke koMkaNa ane karNATaka mitratAthI joDAyelA che. koMkaNanI hAramAM karNATaka krodhe bharAya ane caDAi kare te taddana svAbhAvika che. ciMtAmAM paDyo : have zuM thaze ? comAsAmAM to huM bahAra, nIkaLato nathI. vaLI atyAre mArA sAmaMta rAjAo pota-potAnA rAjyamAM cAlI gayA che. sainya chuTuM-chavAyuM vera-vikhera paDayuM che. vaLI mArI paNa 72 varSa jeTalI uMmara thai che. paNa tarata ja mane mArA gurudeva yAda AvyA. mAro dharma yAda Avyo. je dharmanuM huM pAlana karuM chuM e dharma zuM mAruM pAlana nahi kare ? mAre ciMtA karavAnI jarUra zI ? mArA mAthe deva ane guru beThelA che. huM mArA gurudeva pAse gayo. mArI badhI ciMtA kahI saMbhaLAvI. gurudeve kahyuM : zAMti rAkha. badhuM sAruM thaze. sAta divasa dhamarAdhanAmAM tanmaya banI jA. yuddha-buddhanA badhA vicAro choDI de, badhuM potAnI meLe ThekANe paDI jaze. gurudevanI vAta para mane amApa vizvAsa hato. sAte ya divasa meM utkRSTa rIte dharmArAdhanAmAM vItAvyA. saMsAranA badhA vicAro bhUlI gayo. utkRSTa rIte thayelI dhamarAdhanAthI mArA hRdayamAM apUrva AnaMda vyApI rahyo. amRtanA oDakAra Ave ne parama AnaMdano anubhava thAya, tema dhamarAdhanAnA "oDakAro' AvavA lAgyA. ane.. sAce ja sAtamA divase mane samAcAra maLyA ke tailapa rAjA rastAmAM ja acAnaka marI paravAryo che ne tenA pAchI jatI rahI che. A samAcAra maLyA tyAre ja mane khyAla Avyo ke tailapa gujarAta tarapha caDAi karavA AvI rahyo che. dharmArAdhanAnA vegamAM e badhI vAto huM bhUlI gayo hato. karNATakanA rAjA tailapa mRtyu pAmyo. tenA sthAne navo rAjA 'paramardI' Avyo. karNATaka ane gujarAta sAthe varSojUnA amArA saMbaMdho hatA. rAjA paramardIe potAnI putrI nAyakIdevI mArA bhatrIjA (moTA bhAi mahIpAlanA putra) ajayapALa sAthe paraNAvI. tame itihAsa jANatA hazo to khyAlamAM haze ke siddharAjanI mAtA mInaladevI paNa karNATakanI hatI. A ghaTanAthI e saMbaMdho pharIthI tAjA thayA. Atma kathAo * 444 huM kumArapALa * 445

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(17) mArI Arati dharmano prabhAva jayone ? mAre kAMi ja karavuM na paDyuM ne sAta divasamAM potAnI meLe je thavuM joItuM hatuM te thai gayuM. AvI eke nahi, aneka ghaTanAo mArA jIvanamAM banI che. haju AvI eka ghaTanA tamane phUlothI paNa bhagavAna ATalA manamohaka lAge che to chaye RtunAM phUlothI to kevA zobhe ? tejano aMbAra bhagavAnanI pratimA ! sugaMdhI ane paMcavaNa chaye RtunA phUlo ! jhIlamIla thatA dIpako ! e dIpakonA saumya prakAzamAM bhagavAnanuM mukhAraviMda kevuM zobhe ? darzanArthI kevA ekAkAra banI jAya bhagavAnamAM ? zuM chaye RtunA phUlothI bhagavAnanI AMgI na banAvI zakuM ? meM tarata ja saMkalpa karyo : "jyAM sudhI evI AMgI na banAvuM tyAM sudhI AhAra-pANIno tyAga !' ne... thaMbhI gayelI mArI AratI pharI zarU thai. AratI to pUrI thai paNa pratijJA...? e zI rIte pUrI thAya ? paNa... sattva hoya che tyAM badhuM thaine ja rahe che. bIje divase mane mALIe samAcAra ApyA : rAjanuM! ApaNA bagIcAmAM AzcaryadAyaka ghaTanA ghaTI che. AvuM Azcarya meM kadI mArA jIvanamAM joyuM nathI. meM to nahi, kadAca bIjA koie paNa AvuM nahi joyuM hoya. bagIcAmAM Aje ekIsAthe chaye RtunA phUlo khIlI uThyA - pATaNamAM meM mArA pitAjInA nAmathI 'tribhuvanapALa vihAra nAmanuM moTuM jaina maMdira baMdhAvyuM. hatuM. temAM 72 derIo hatI. 96 kroDa sonAmahorono kharca thayo hato. 125 (25?) aMgula (Ica) pramANa bhagavAnazrI neminAthanI pratimA mULanAyakarUpe pratiSThita karI hatI. 72 derIomAM bhUta bhAvi ane vartamAna traNeya covIzInI 72 pratimAo pratiSThita karI hatI. Ano pratiSThA mahotsava meM khUba ja ThAThamAThathI karyo hato. pratiSThA mahotsava vakhate pAlanapurano rAjA prahAdana, zAkaMbharIno rAjA arNorAja (vigraharAja), mAMgu jhAlo vagere 72 rANAo, giranAra tIrthano uddhAraka daMDanAyaka sajjana, 24 jinAlaya banAvanAra maMtrI AbhaDa, siddhapuramAM caumukha vihAra banAvanAra maMtrI Aligadeva, gurubhakta mahAmAtya zAnta, cha kroDa dravyano mAlika zeTha kuberadatta, 99 lAkha suvarNamudrAno svAmI chADA zeTha, daza hajAra azvono svAmI mahAmAtya udAyana, maMtrI AMbaDa, maMtrI bAhaDa zrImALI, zeTha vAhaDA poravALa vagere 1800 kroDapati zreSThIo upasthita hatA. e derAsaramAM huM dararoja ThAThamAThapUrvaka prabhunA darzane jato. trikALa pUjA karato. eka vakhata bhagavAnazrI neminAthanI suMdara sugaMdhI phUlo dvArA AMgI banI hatI. AratI utAratI vakhate huM bhAvavibhora banI gayo tyAre ja mane vicAra Avyo : sugaMdhI raMga-beraMgI phUlothI bhagavAna kevA sohAmaNA lAge che ? paNa AnA karatAM paNa vizeSa aMga-racanA kema na thai zake ? chaye RtunA phUlothI zuM AMgI na thai zake ? eka RtunA Atma kathAo * 446 A sAMbhaLatAM ja mAruM hRdaya nAcI UThyuM. meM te divase bhaktibhAvathI chaye RtunA phUlothI prabhunI suMdara aMga-racanA banAvI, je jovA AkhuM pATaNa UbharAyuM hatuM. tame kahezo : chaye RtunAM phUlo zI rIte UgyA? vAta ema hatI ke te ja rAtre mArA gurudevane mArI pratijJAnI jANa thai. jo pratijJA pUrNa na thAya to zI dazA thAya ? te paNa teozrI jANatA hatA. te ja rAtre pUjyazrIe zAsanadevIne pratyakSa karI ane daivI sahAyathI bagIco chaye RtunA phUlothI khIlI UThyo. - gurudevanA mArA para keTalA upakAra gaNAvuM ? Dagale ne pagale emaNe mAro hAtha pakaDyo che. mArA satata yoga ane kSema teozrI karatA rahyA che. huM kumArapALa * 447

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(18) sALavI pADo || IT (19) mAMsAhAranI smRti tathA prAyazcitta|| eka vakhate mArA pUjAnA vastro AMbaDe paherI lIdhA. meM pUchyuM : Ama kema karyuM ? mane pUjAmAM zuddha, aboTa vastra joie. tyAre AMbaDe kahyuM : mahArAjA ! Apa je vastrone aboTa samajIne pahero cho, e badhA kharekhara aboTa nathI hotA. baMberA nagarIno rAjA badhA ja mugaTA (vastro)ne pahelAM pote paherI pachI ja bahAra javA de che. meM A aMge tapAsa karAvI to vAta sAcI nIkaLI. paMjAba ke kAzmIra bAjuthI (baMberA nagarIthI) AvatA mugaTAone rAjA kama se kama ekavAra paherIne ja bIje mokalato hato. mane A barAbara na lAgyuM. A paddhati aTakAvavA meM vizALa senA sAthe AMbaDa maMtrIne baMberA nagarI para mokalyo. keTalAka samaya bAda te vijaya meLavIne pAcho pharyo. vijayanI e ghaTanAnuM varNana karatAM kahyuM : rAjan ! je vakhate meM baMberA nagarI para hallo karavAnuM vicAreluM te ja rAtre 700 kanyAonA lagna hatA eTale meM mAMDI vALeluM. lagna patI gayA bAda bIjA divase huM senA sAthe tUTI paDyo ne jota-jotAmAM mane vijaya maLI gayo. tyAMnA rAjAne meM Apano tAbedAra banAvyo ne zuddha mugaTA paNa leto Avyo chuM tathA bhaviSyamAM ApaNe mugaTA meLavavA koinA oziyALA na banI rahIe mATe tyAMthI huM mugaTA banAvanAra sALavIonA 700 kuTuMbone paNa lAvyo chuM. A sAMbhaLIne mane khUba ja AnaMda thayo. 700 sALavIonA kuTuMbone vasAvavA pATaNamAM meM temane alaga jagyA phALavI ApI. e jyAM rahyA te 'sALavI pADo' kahevAyo. (Aje paNa pATaNamAM 'sALavI pADo' ane temanuM jinamaMdira vidyamAna che.) tame kadAca pUchazo : rAjanuM ! jaina dharmano svIkAra karyo, pUrvanI malina Adatono tame tyAga to karI dIdho... paNa e badhuM pachI kyAreya yAda AvyuM ke nahi ? kAraNa ke manano evo svabhAva hoya che. ekavAra je saMskAro paDyA tene e jaldIthI choDI zakatuM nathI. bahArathI kadAca tyAga thai jAya, paNa mana to ene yAda karI ja le. ghaTTa thaI gayelA saMskArone sAva ja sApha karI nAkhavA kAMi saheluM nathI. tame ekeka prazna barAbara pUchI rahyA cho. tamArA prazno ghaNA vedhaka hoya che. paNa tame pUchazo te badhuM huM jaNAvI ja daiza. mAruM jIvana to khullI kitAba che. game te pAnuM kholI zako cho. meM kadI chupAvavAno prayatna nathI karyo. sAruM narasuM badhuM ja meM tamArI pAse nikhAlasa bhAve jaNAvI dIdhuM che. pahelAM tamane kaheluM ja che ke mAMsa-bhojana mane khUba priya hatuM. AcAryazrIe athAga prayatno dvArA yuktipUrvaka mArI pAsethI e choDAvyuM. sAcI samajaNa AvyA pachI to meM tene manathI paNa choDI dIdhuM. huM teno vicAra suddhAM paNa karato nahi. paNa mana che ne ! vAMdarA karatAM paNa vadhu caMcaLa che. e kyAre ApaNA kabajAmAMthI chaTakI jAya te kAMi kahevAya nahi. game teTalI takedArI rAkho, paNa e ApaNane chetarIne paNa chalAMga lagAvI de. kyAreka bhUtakALamAM pahoMcI jAya to kyAreka bhaviSyanI madhura kalpanAmAM pahoMcI jAya ! eka vakhate huM ghebaranuM bhojana karI rahyo hato. mana taka joine bhAgyuM. bhUtakALamAM pahoMcI gayuM. oha ! kevuM suMdara hatuM mAMsa bhojana ! barAbara A ghebara jevuM ja ! vIjaLI vege ATalo vicAra Avyo tyAM ja meM mArI jAtane saMbhALI lIdhI. manane niyaMtrita karI dIdhuM. paNa huM jANato hato ke manathI karelo vicAra paNa potAnI pApanI prakriyA choDato jAya che. mAre jo saMpUrNa dharmI banavuM hoya to manane ekadama sApha rAkhavuM ja joie. manamAM paNa je apavitra vicAro Ave tenuM paNa zuddhikaraNa karavuM ja rahyuM. guru samakSa enuM prakaTIkaraNa karavuM ja rahyuM. mananA vastrane huM kumArapALa * 449 Atma kathAo * 448

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(20) keTalIka ghaTanAo dhoyA vinA enA para dharmano kesarIyo raMga caDe zI rIte ? meM gurudeva samakSa A vAta pragaTa karI ane prAyazcita mAgyuM. gurudeve kahyuM : AnA prAyazcitarUpe tAre pitAjInA nAmathI bhavya jinamaMdira baMdhAvavuM tathA 32 dAMtanI zuddhi mATe 32 jinAlayo baMdhAvavA. meM pUjyazrInI vAtane vadhAvI lIdhI. pitAjInA nAmathI 'tribhuvanapALa vihAra' nAmanuM jinamaMdira baMdhAvyuM. jenI vAta huM pahelAM karI gayo chuM tathA 32 derIovALuM 'kumAra (kumAra vihAra) vihAra baMdhAvavAnuM zarU karyuM. - kumAra vihAra baMdhAvavA maMtrI bAhaDanuM maMdira jyAM hatuM e jagyA mane anukULa lAgI. meM e jagyA mAMgI. maMtrIe premathI ApI. bAhaDa maMtrIe ja 'kumAravihAra' baMdhAvavAnI javAbadArI upADI lIdhI. bAhaDa maMtrIe bAhaDa vaMzanA zeTha garganA putrone dekharekha mATe nImI dIdhA. jotajotAmAM e maMdira taiyAra thai gayuM. benamUna banyuM hatuM e maMdira ! jANe svargamAMthI UtareluM devavimAna ! cAre bAjue sAta hAthanI UMcAivALI 32 derIo hatI. temAM 24 tIrthakaro, 4 zAzvata jina ane 4 rohiNI, samavasaraNa, gurupAdukA tathA azokavRkSa pratiSThita karyA. mULanAyaka mATe nepALathI maMgAvela caMdrakAnta maNimAMthI zrI pArzvanAtha bhagavAnanI mUrti taiyAra karAvI. badhAnI gurudevanA hAthe bhavya mahotsavapUrvaka pratiSThA karAvI. caMdrakAnta maNinI pratimAmAMthI dara pUnamanI rAtre amI jharavA lAgyA. e amInA prabhAvathI lokonA AMkhanI pIDA vagere rogo nAza pAmavA lAgyA. dara pUrNimAe maMdiramAM gajabano dhasAro thato. A 'kumAra vihAramAM maMtrI AMbaDe paNa AdinAtha prabhunI cAMdInI pratimA sthApita karI hatI. ghebara khAtAM je mAMsano svAda yAda Avyo tenA prAyazcittarUpe be suvizALa jinAlayo astitvamAM AvyA : 72 derIvALuM 'tribhuvanapALa vihAra' ane 32 derIvALuM 'kumAra vihAra" ! tyArapachI meM ghebara jIvanamAM kadI khAdhA nathI. jenAthI pApanuM smaraNa thAya evA nimittothI dUra rahevAmAM ja bhalAI che. kharuMne ? tame have kadAca mAruM bahu lAMbu lacaka jIvana vAMcIne thAkI gayA hazo to kadAca kahezo : rAjanuM ! tamArA jIvana daramyAna banelI keTalIka aitihAsika ghaTanAo amane saMkSepamAM na kahI zako ? have huM saMkSepamAM keTalIka ghaTanAono ullekha mAtra karuM chuM. vIradhavalanA pitA lavaNaprasAdanuM nAma to tame sAMbhaLyuM haze ? e lavaNaprasAdano janma mArI vidyamAnatAmAM thayelo. mArA mAsIyAi bhAi bhIlaDiyAnA sAmaMta AnAkane tyAM eno janma thayelo. enuM tyAranuM nAma to hatuM : lUNapAka. pachIthI e 'lavaNaprasAda' tarIke prasiddha thayo. te vakhatanI tenI ceSTAnA AdhAre meM bhaviSyavANI karelI ke - A 'lUNapAke gujarAtano rAjA thaze, paNa aNahilapura pATaNano nahi.' tamane A itihAsamAM rasa hoya to khyAla haze ke lavaNaprasAda vIradhavala vagere pATaNanA nahi, paNa dhoLakAnA rANA banyA hatA. huM kAMi jyotiSa jANato nhoto, paNa mArI koThAsUjhathI bhaviSyanuM AchuM darzana karI zakato. ene tame kAntardaSTi, vicAraprauDhatA ke koThAsUjha kahI zako cho. * vi.saM. 1208mAM meM sAteya vyasanono tyAga karyo ne rAjyamAM paNa tyAga karAvyo. vi.saM. 1208mAM vaDanagarano killo baMdhAvyo. tenI prazasti kavizrI zrIpAla pAsethI racAvI. aDhAreya dezamAM amAri pravartananuM pharamAna bahAra pADayuM. A mATe tame ratnapura, kirADu, lATahUda, zionI vagere sAmaMtonA vi.saM. 1209, 1211, 1212nA zilAlekho jozo eTale khyAla Avaze ke prANI-vadhano niSedha keTalo vyApaka ane majabUta hato. vi.saM. 1208mAM 100 varSanI uMmaravALA mahAmAnya udAyanane mokalI saurASTranA bahAravaTIyA suMvarane dabAvyo hato. A yuddhamAM huM kumArapALa * 451 Atma kathAo * 450

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maMtrI udAyanane jIta to maLI, paNa prahArothI khUba ja jarjarita thatAM vaDhavANa pAse bhogAvA nadInA kinAre teo samAdhipUrvaka mRtyu pAmyA. vi.saM. 1213mAM udAyana maMtrInA putra bAhaDe zatruMjaya tIrthano moTo uddhAra karAvyo. mArA pUjya gurudevanA hAthe pratiSThA thai. taLeTImAM bAhaDapura nAmanuM gAma bAhaDe vasAvyuM. temAM killo tathA 'tribhuvanapALa vihAra' nAmanuM maMdira paNa baMdhAvyuM. e arasAmAM jaina saMghamAM keTalAka navA mato nIkaLyA hatA. emanA AcAryo pATaNamAM AvatA tethI pATaNa jaina saMghanI ekatA jokhamAtI eTale meM Adeza Apyo ke - navA matIoe pATaNathI bahAra cAlyA javuM. badhAne meM e pramANe vinaMtI karI. aMcalagacchIya AcAryazrI jayasiMhasUrijI pAse jaine paNa meM bahAra javAnuM kahyuM. paraMtu temaNe paMca parameSThInuM varNana pUruM thAya pachI javAnuM kahyuM. meM bhoLAbhAve emanI vAta mAnI. paraMtu e mahAtmAe to paMca parameSThInuM varNana 16 varSa sudhI calAvye rAkhyuM. AthI huM temane bahAra javAnuM kahI zakyo nahi. kAraNa ke huM vacanathI baMdhAyelo hato. vi.saM. 12 16 mAga. su. 2 nA meM samyakatva sahita bAra vratonuM grahaNa karyuM. te samayathI huM paramahaMta banyo. tyAre mArA gurudeve pote ja mane "rAjarSi'nuM birUda ApyuM. mArI vinaMtIthI mArA gurudeve 20 prakAzavALuM vItarAgastotra tathA 12 prakAzavALuM yogazAstra - baMnenI racanA karI. huM roja savAre e 32 prakAzono pATha karI bhAva maMjana karato hato. savAre maMgaLa vAjIMtro vAgatAM huM jAgato. pachI navakAra maMtrano jApa, 32 prakAzano pATha, jinadarzana, caityavaMdana, kumAravihAramAM caityaparipATI, gRhamaMdiramAM naivedya dharIne bhojana, sAMje gRhamaMdiramAM AMgI, AratI, maMgaLa dIvo, prabhu stuti, rAtre mahApuruSonA jIvananI vicAraNA navakAranA smaraNapUrvaka nidrA - Ama sAmAnya rIte mArI AvI dainika dharmacarcA hatI. caityavaMdana, guruvaMdana, sAmAyika tathA pratikramaNanA sUtro meM kaMThastha karI lIdhA hatA. ekavAra meM vezyA sAthe rahenArA munine paNa vaMdana karyuM. A joi nADolanA yuvarAje mArA gurudevane A vAta jaNAvI. gurudeve mane patita sAdhune vaMdana na karAya' ema jaNAvyuM. paraMtu pelA vezyAgAmI sAdhunA jIvanamAM mArA vaMdanathI parivartana AvI gayuM. vezyA, pAna, joDA vagere choDI temaNe pharI dIkSA lIdhI ane anazana svIkAryuM. huM anazanamAM rahelA emane vAMdavA gayo tyAre temaNe kahyuM : tame ja mArA guru cho. tamArA vaMdanathI ja huM sanmArge vaLyo chuM. pATaNa, somanAtha, pATaNa, tharAda, jAlora, lADola, khaMbhAta, tAraMgA vagere sthaLoe meM 'kumAra vihAra" nAmanA jinAlayo baMdhAvyA hatA. ajitanAtha bhagavAnanI pUjAthI mane sapAdalakSa (zAkaMbharI pAseno pradeza)mAM vijaya maLyo hato. mATe meM tAraMgAnA parvata para 32 mALanuM zrI ajitanAtha bhagavAnanuM maMdira baMdhAvyuM. je yazodevanA putra daMDanAyaka abhayakumAranI dekharekha nIce banyuM hatuM. zatruMjaya tIrthamAM paNa maMdira baMdhAvyuM. siMdha dezanA daTAi gayelA vItabhaya pattana (moMe jo daro)ne khodAvI tyAMthI jIvaMta svAmInI pratimA maMgAvI tenuM alaga derAsara baMdhAvyuM. huM varSamAM be vAra - Aso tathA caitramAM bhavya rathayAtrA kADhato. mArA mAMDalika rAjAo paNa ThAThathI rathayAtrAo kADhatA. 700 lahiyAone rokI jaina Agamo lakhAvyA. paMcAMgI sahita 45 AgamonI sAta nakalo sonAnI sAhIthI lakhAvI. siddhahaima vyAkaraNa tathA triSaSTi zalAkApuruSa caritranI 21 pratio lakhAvI. Atma kathAo * 452 huM kumArapALa * 453

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* siddharAje jene rAjA banAvavAnuM kaheluM te mALavAno rAjapUta cAhaDa (cADa) ajamera jato rahyo. huM jyAre siddharAjanA trAsathI bhaTakato hato tyAre lADa vANIyAnI jAne mane jamavA nahi ApeluM. tethI meM koipaNa lADa vANIyAne mArA rAjyamAM amaladAra tarIke nImyA nahi. AthI lADa, cADa ane tADa pATaNamAM rahyA nahi. * judA-judA sthAnomAM dAnazALAo sthApI. tenA uparI tarIke zeTha neminAganA putra abhayakumArane nImyo. 'kumArapALe lADa, cADa ane tADane dezavaTo Apyo.' evI mArA viSenI kahevata tame sAMbhaLI haze ? enuM rahasya tame jANo cho ? graMtha lekhana mATe tADapatro joie. meM saghaLA tADapatro toDAvIne maMgAvyA eTale pATaNamAM tADa rahyA nahi. * * kAzInA kavi vizvezvara paMDite mArI sabhAmAM be samasyA mUkI. tenI pUrti kapardI maMtrI tathA A. rAmacandrasUrie karI. AthI paMDita khuza thayo ne kahyuM : A sarasvatInI pada-racanA che ane teNe maMtrInA gaLAmAM 50 hajArano hAra paherAvyo. meM paMDitane 10 ghoDA tathA 50 lAkha dramna ApI satkAra karyo. pATaNamAM rahevA vinaMtI karI, paNa kavizrI to AtmakalyANa mATe prabhAsa pATaNa jai vasyA. prabhAsa pATaNano mahaMta bhAva bRhaspati madirA-pAna karavA lAgI gayo hato. AthI meM tene mahaMtanI gAdIethI UThADI mUkyo. pATaNamAM AvI mArA gurudeva pAse cAra mahInA rahI bhUla badala mAphI mAMgI tyAre meM tene pharI gaMDanI padavI ApI. (vi.saM. 1225) paM. vAmarAzie mArA gurudevanI khUba ja niMdA karI hatI. AthI meM tenI AjIvikA baMdha karI. mAphI mAMgatA pharI AjIvikA bAMdhI ApI. saurASTranA eka cAraNe ekavAra mArA gurudevazrInI vAstavika Atma kathAo * 454 * kAzIno rAjA jayacaMda mAro mitra hato. tenA maMtrI padmAkare pATaNanA sALavInI suhaDadevIne padminI jANI tenI sAthe lagna karyA. A rANI nAlAyaka nIvaDI. potAnA putrane rAjya apAvavAnI jIdathI teNe muslimone bolAvI vi.saM. 1249mAM kAzI-rAjyano nAza karAvyo. te pahelAM vi.saM. 1246mAM zAhabuddIna ghorIe pRthvIrAja cauhANane mArI dilhI jItI lIdhuM hatuM.) mArA maMtrI AMbaDe vi.saM. 1222mAM bharUcamAM zakunikAvihArano jIrNoddhAra karAvyo ane mArA pUjya gurudevanA hAthe pratiSThA karAvI. huM paNa pratiSThA-mahotsavamAM hAjara rahyo hato. (bharUcamAM Aje A zakunikAvihAra masjida tarIke UbhuM che. kALanI kevI balihArI che ! emAM jainanA badhA ja cihno ghasI nAkhavAmAM AvyA che, chatAM eka sthaLe dvAra para kotarelI jina-pratimA Aje paNa vidyamAna che.) vi.saM. 1226mAM zatruMjaya tIrthano 'rI pAlaka moTo saMgha kADhyo. temAM mArA gurudeva vagere aneka AcAryo, munivaro, bhopaladevI, putrI lIludevI, pAlanapurano rANo prahlAdana, AbhaDa zeTha, tenI putrI cAMpaladevI, kavicakravartI zrIpALa, kavi siddhapAla, maMtrI kapardI, mAro dauhitra pratApamalla, 99 lAkhano svAmI chADo zeTha, AMbaDa maMtrInI mAtA mAu ane bIjA aneka koTidhvaja zreSThIo hatA. (A. mahendrasUrinA mata pramANe A saMgha vi.saM. 1219mAM nIkaLyo hato.) A saMghanI yAdamAM meM cogaTha (valabhInagaranI pAsenuM gAma) pAse rahelI thApo ane isAvala nAmanI be pahADIo para bhagavAnazrI AdinAtha tathA bhagavAnazrI pArzvanAthanA derAsaro baMdhAvyA. (Aje paNa tyAM derAsaranA patthara jaDelA che. e pattharomAM koie zivAlaya banAvyuM che.) huM kumArapALa * 455 * prazaMsA karatuM kAvya banAvyuM. AthI huM khUba ja khuza thai gayo. meM tene traNa lAkhanuM inAma ApyuM. *

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(21) mArAM meM gurudevanA mukhe mAro pUrvabhava jANyo. luMTAro jayatAka te huM. khaMDeragacchanA A. zrIyazobhadrasUri te mArA pU. gurudeva, oDha2 zeTha te maMtrI udAyana, dhanadatta sArthavAha te siddharAja banyo. pUrvabhavamAM garmahatyA karelI tethI siddharAja vAMjhiyo rahyo. meM mArA pUrvabhavanI khAtarI karavA tilaMga (AMdhra) dezanA ujaMgala (ekazilA)nagaramAM tapAsa karAvI. vAta sAcI nIkaLI. mArA vaMzanI sthiradevIe paNa mane A pramANe ja kahyuM hatuM. meM aDhAra phUlothI pUjA karelI tethI aDhAra dezonuM rAjya maLyuM. te aDhAra dezo A pramANe : gujarAta, lATa (mahIthI damaNa sudhIno pradeza), saurASTra, bhaMbherI (baMberagaDha) kaccha, siMdha,? (takSazilA pAseno pradeza), jAlaMdhara (satalaja-paMjAbano pradeza), antarvedI (Anarta ke dIvabeTa, pIramabeTa), maru (mAravADa), mevADa, mALavA, AbhIra (kIra meraThano pradeza ke girano pradeza), mahArASTra, karNATaka ane koMkaNa (A noMdhamAM mitra rAjyo paNa sAmela che. vaDagacchIya AcAryazrI vinayacandrasUrie vi.saM. 1186mAM racelA "kavizikSA' graMthamAM 84 dezonI mAhitI ApelI che. temAM gujarAtanA 1718 pradezonI mAhitI A pramANe che : hirUyANI vagere cha, pATaNa vagere bAra, mAtara vagere covIza, vaDu vagere chatrIza, bhAleja vagere cummAlIza, harSapura vagere bAvana, zrInAra vagere chappana, jaMbusara vagere sATha, paDANA vagere saDasaTha, Dabhoi vagere coryAzI, peTalAda vagere ekaso cAra, kherAlu vagere ekaso daza, bhogapura vagere ekaso soLa, dhoLakA vagere pAMcaso, mAhaNavAsa (mahesANA ?) vagere sADA sAtaso, koMkaNa vagere caudaso cauda, candrAvatI vagere aDhAraso) - have huM mArA thoDAka sukRto batAvuM ? bAra vratonuM sAttvika rIte pAlana, pratidina trikALa jinapUjA, AThama-caudaze upavAsa-pauSadha, pAraNe seMkaDo zrAvakone dAna, posaha karanArane pAraNuM, 72 lAkhano sAdharmika-kara mApha, rudatI-dhana mApha, 21 graMtha bhaMDAro lakhAvIne taiyAra karAvyA, haMmezA tribhuvanapALa vihAramAM snAtra mahotsava, mArA pUjya gurudevane dararoja dvAdazAvartavaMdana, sakaLa sAdhuone nitya vaMdana, pauSadhadhArI zrAvakonuM bahumAna-dAna, aDhAra dezomAM amAripAlana, nyAyaghaMTAvAdana, cauda dezanA rAjAo sAthe maitrI, sAta tIrthayAtrAo, 1444 nUtana jina maMdironuM nirmANa, 1600 jinAlayono jIrNoddhAra. mArI dhArmika pratijJAo (bAra vrato) aMge paNa keTaluMka jANI lo. (1) pahelA vratamAM 'mAri' zabda bolAi jAya to huM upavAsa karato. (2) bIjA vratamAM bhUlathI jUThuM bolAi jAya to huM AyaMbila karato. (3) trIjAmAM adattano tyAga - mRta dhanano tyAga. (4) cothA vratamAM vi.saM. 1216thI navA lagna karavA nahi. ATha rANIonA mRtyu pachI brahmacaryanuM pAlana. manathI bhUla thAya to upavAsa. vacanathI bhUla thAya to AyaMbila. kAyAthI bhUla thAya to ekAsaNuM. AratI samaye huM rANI bhopala devInI mUrti rAkhIne kAma calAvI leto. pAMcamA vratamAM 6 kroDa sonuM, 8 kroDa tAra, 1000 dhaDI maNiratno, 33 hajAra maNa ghI, 32 hajAra maNa tela, traNa lAkha muDA ghauM, juvAra, cokhA, caNA, maga vagere anAja, 500 makAna, 500 dukAna, 500 sabhA, 500 vahANa, 500 gADA, 500 gADIo, 1100 hAthI, 1000 UMTa, 11 lAkha ghoDA, 5000 ratha ane 18 lAkhanI senA ATaluM mAruM parigraha-parimANa hatuM. huM kumArapALa * 457 Atma kathAo * 456

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I (22) mArA gurudevanuM svargArohaNa || (6) chaThThA vratamAM comAsA daramyAna pATaNathI bahAra javuM nahi. (7) sAtamA vratamAM mAMsa, dArU, madha, mAkhaNa, bahubIja, pAMca uduMbara, anaMtakAya Adi abhakSyono tathA ghebarano tyAga, devane dharyA sivAya bhojana, phaLa, vastra vagere vAparavA nahi. sacittano tyAga, mAtra ATha pAnanI jayaNA, rAtre cauvihAra, comAsAmAM dUdha, dahIM, tela, mIThAi ane taLelI vastuo - e pAMca vigaiono tyAga. comAsAmAM bhAjI-pAnano tyAga. parvatithie brahmacarya-pAlanapUrvaka sarva sacitta temaja sarva vigaiono tyAgapUrvaka ekAsaNuM karavAno niyama. AThamA vratamAM sAta kuvyasanono tyAga. dezamAMthI tene dezavaTo Apyo. (9) navamA sAmAyika vratamAM savAra-sAMja sAmAyika karavuM. temAM sarvathA mauna rahevuM. mAtra gurudevanI sAthe bolavAnI chUTa. (10) comAsAmAM pATaNathI bahAra javuM nahi. (11) agIyAramAM vratamAM pauSadha-upavAsa karavA. (12) bAramA atithi saMvibhAga vratamAM nidhana jainono kara mApha karyo. mArA gurudevane tyAM pauSadha-sAmAyika karanArAone 500 ghoDesavAra temaja bAra gAmanA adhipatinI padavI ApI. bIje sAmAyika-pauSadha karanArAone 500 gAma ApyA. saune zrAvaka dharmamAM sthira karyA. (aitihAsika ghaTanAo mATe mukhya AdhAra : jaina paraMparAno itihAsa, bhAga : 2) have huM vRddha thayo hato. mArA pUjya gurudeva paNa vayovRddha thayA hatA. mArA gurudeva mArAthI uMmaramAM mAtra pAMca ja varSa moTA hatA. gurudeva pAse besI ghaNIvAra huM jIvananA aMtanI vAto karato. jIvana-sAgarano have to cheDo dekhAya che. mRtyunI vAtathI huM ghaNIvAra dhrUjI UThato, paNa pUjya gurudeva to ekadama svastha rahetA. mRtyuno sTeja paNa Dara emanA caherA para mane kadI jovA maLato nahi. "mRtyu AvavAnuM che ema zA mATe ? mRtyu atyAre paNa cAlu ja che. jIvana ane mRtyu baMne eka ja sikkAnI be bAjuo che. e samAMtara ja cAlatI hoya che. e alaga nathI. ApaNe zvAsa laie chIe te jIvana che ne zvAsa choDIe chIe te mRtyu che. paNa kamanasIbe ApaNe chellA zvAsanA tyAgane ja mRtyu mAnI beThA chIe. kharI rIte to kSaNe-kSaNe mRtyu cAlu ja che. jIvananI harapaLamAM je mRtyu jue che tene chellI kSaNe paNa bhaya lAgato nathI. te vakhate paNa te saMpUrNa svastha rahI mRtyune bheTI zake che ne kahI zake che : "he mRtyudeva ! padhAro ! huM tamAruM svAgata karavA taiyAra ja Ubho chuM.' A hatuM mArA pUjya gurudevanuM tattvajJAna ! AvA siddhayogI pAse besavAthI mane ghaNuM ghaNuM jANavA maLyuM hatuM. huM paNa mRtyuthI abhaya. banato jato hato. 'A badhuM bheguM kareluM choDI devuM paDaze.' A vicArathI ja mANasa dhrUjI UThe che. mRtyu-bhayanuM mULa Asakti che. sUrideve mArI Asakti kApI nAkhI. mArA gurudeva dina-pratidina durbaLa banI rahyA hatA. vayovRddha zarIra vadhune vadhu vRddha banatuM jatuM hatuM. jo ke Atmateja to eTaluM ja, balka pahelAMthI paNa vadhu jhagArA mAratuM hatuM. "mArA gurudeva A dharatI para nahi hoya tyAre huM zI rIte jIvI zakIza ?' AvA vicAra mAtrathI huM dhrUjI UThato. Akhare e gojhArI sAla AvI pahoMcI. vi.saM. 1229mAM mArA pUjya gurudeva atyaMta samAdhipUrvaka svargavAsI thayA. emanA huM kumArapALa * 459 Atma kathAo * 458

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svargavAse mArA hRdayane bhayaMkara AMcako Apyo. mArA pitAjInA mRtyu vakhate paNa mane je AMcako nhoto lAgyo, te atyAre lAgyo. pitAjIe mArA dravya zarIrane janma Apyo, paNa mArA AdhyAtmika janmadAtA to pUjya gurudeva ja hatA ne ? vaLI dravya jIvanarakSaka paNa hatA ja. huM atyaMta vyathita hRdaye smazAnayAtrAmAM joDAyo. mArI najara na pahoMce eTaluM mAnava-maherAmaNa UbharAyuM. mArI ja nahi, pATaNanI dareka vyaktinI AMkha azrubhInI hatI. raDatA hRdaye meM agnidAha Apyo. agnijavALAo AkAzane AMbatI hatI. mAruM hRdaya jhAlyuM na rahI zakyuM. huM bALakanI peThe dhrusake-dhrusake raDI paDyo. mane A rIte raDato joi maMtrIe pUchyuM : rAjanuM ! Apa bALakanI jema Ama kAM raDo ? ApanA jevA jJAnI eka chokaraDAnI jema raDaze ? loko kevuM samajaze ? ane Ape to gurudeva dvArA meLavavA jevuM badhuM ja meLavyuM che have ATaluM rudana zAne ? raDatAM-raDatAM meM kahyuM : maMtrIzvara ! tame bhale mAno ke meM badhuM meLavyuM che. kharekhara to huM kazuM ja meLavI zakyo nathI. mArA kamabhAgyanI zI vAta karuM ? roTalIno eka TUkaDo paNa emanA pAtramAM huM vahorAvI zakyo nathI. A ochI kamanasIbI che ? huM rAjA hato eTale mAro AhAra rAjapiMDa to emane kahyuM nahi. paNa meM kevI mUkhai karI ? sattAne chevaTa sudhI cIpakI rahyo. jo meM rAjya choDI dIdhuM hota to supAtradAnano lAbha to maLata ! supAtradAnanI AgaLa rAjya zI visAtamAM che ?... ne huM pharI raDI paDyo. mArA gurudevano mahimA tyAre mane najara samakSa jovA maLyo. mArA pUjya gurudevanI citA TharI-na TharI tyAM to rAkha levA lokoe paDApaDI karI. paDApaDI eTale kevI ? haiye-haiyuM daLAya evI ! jota-jotAmAM to e rAkha sApha thai gai. paNa pATaNanI ghaNI janatA haju bAkI hatI. rAkha khUTI to lokoe tyAMnI bhUminI mATI levA mAMDI. keTalAya divaso sudhI tyAMthI lokoe mATI lIdhe ja rAkhI, lIdhe ja rAkhI. AthI tyAM moTo khADo thaI gayo, je "hemakhADa' tarIke Atma kathAo * 460 prasiddha thayo. Avo hato mArA gurudevano mahimA ! gurunA virahamAM huM zI rIte jIvI zakIza ? evI AzaMkA mane pahelethI hatI ja ane kharekhara e sAcI paDI. pUjya gurudeva vinA huM jhUravA lAgyo. pANI vinAnA mAchalA jevI mArI hAlata thai gai ! mArA jevA mAMsabhojI, madirApAyI, rakhaDu mANasane emaNe kevI kunehathI sanmArge vALyo ? e badhuM vicAratAM ja huM gadgad banI jato. mAruM zarIra paNa have kathaLI rahyuM hatuM. pahelAM jevI rti ane capaLatA have rahyA na hatA. rahe paNa kyAMthI ? 80 varSanI uMmara thai hatI. keTalA badhA kAma lIdhA hatA A zarIra pAsethI ? pachI thAke emAM eno zo guno ? badhe bane che tema mAro vAraso meLavavA rAjakIya khaTapaTo zarU thai gai hatI. siddharAjanI jema mAre paNa koI putra hoto ! jo ke sAva nhoto evuM nathI. nRpasiMha nAmano mAre eka putra hato, paNa 16 varSanI uMmare e gujarI gayelo. mRtyu-zayyA para paDelo e nRpasiMha Aje paNa mane yAda Ave che. oha ! kevuM enuM nirdoSa jIvana ! kevI enI uttama bhAvanA ? mRtyu vakhate eNe potAnI bhAvanA vyakta karatAM kaheluM ke - "huM jo rAjA houM to sonAnA jinAlayo banAvuM !' enI bhAvanA sAce ja mArAthI paNa savAi hatI. paNa mArAthI pahelAM ja te anaMtanI yAtrAe upaDI gayo. karmanA gaNita sAce ja rahasyamaya hoya che. moTAmoTA zahenazAho ane cakravartIone paNa enI AgaLa jhUkI javuM paDatuM hoya che. huM kumArapALa * 461

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(23) mAruM mRtyu ane te pachInuM vizva-nirIkSaNa | mArI bhAvanA hatI ke mAro vArasadAra paNa dharmamaya hoya ne prajAne dharmamAM sthira rAkhe. A mATe meM mArA dauhitra pratApamalla para pasaMdagI utArelI. huM jANato hato ke mArA bhatrIjA ajayapALane A pasaMda nahi paDe. e rAjyagAdI meLavavA kyAranoya talasI rahyo hato. huM e jANato hato chatAM bahu dhyAna na ApyuM. sAcuM kahuM to huM gaphalatamAM rahyo. rAjakIya bAbatamAM thoDI paNa gaphalata bahu moTI Aphata lAvanArI banI rahetI hoya che. mArI A gaphalata Akhare mane naDI. kapaTI ajayapALe mane bhojanamAM jhera ApyuM. ajayapALa rAjyagAdI meLavavA khUba ja Atura che, enI mane khabara hatI, paNa e ATalI hada sudhI jaze, evI to mane kalpanA ja nahi. rAjakAraNamAM sagA putrano paNa vizvAsa karAya nahi. zreNika jevAne sagA putra koNike jelamAM nAkhyo hato. e huM jANato hato chatAM vizvAsamAM rahyo. samagra nItizAstrano sAra che : avizvAsa ! kyAMya vizvAsamAM na rahezo. huM AvI sIdhI-sAdI vAta bhUlyo. jo ke dharmI mANasa mATe kyAMya avizvAsa karavo muzkela hoya che. dharma svayaM saraLa banI jAya che ne jagatane paNa sarala ja jue che. bhojanamAM ApeluM jhera mArA zarIramAM prasaravA lAgyuM. huM tarata ja vastusthiti pAmI gayo. meM tarata ja khajAnacIne bolAvyo ne kahyuM : 'jA... jaladI khajAnAmAMthI viSahara maNi lai Ava." hA... huM ema jaladI maravA mAMgato hoto. moMgherA mAnava avatAranI ekeka paLa kiMmatI che - e huM mArA gurudevanA samAgame sArI rIte jANato hato. AthI ja meM viSahara maNi maMgAvyo. mRtyuthI DarI jaine meM Ama karyuM, ema rakhe mAnazo ! thoDI ja vAramAM khajAnacI dhIme pagale Avato joyo. enA udAsa caherA para amaMgaLanA eMdhANa dekhAyA. mArI dhAraNA sAcI paDI. e gaLagaLo thaine bolyo : mahArAjA ! khajAnAmAMthI viSahara maNi corAi gayo che. mane tarata ja khyAla AvI gayo : ajayapALanuM vyavasthita kAvatru che. meM kahyuM : kAMi vAMdho nahi. motathI huM Darato nathI. enA mATe to huM kyArathIye taiyAra chuM. maraghApa nA vacam | meM manomana cAra zaraNAM svIkAryA. sarva jIvo sAthe, khAsa karIne mArA parama zatru ajayapALanI sAthe kSamApanA karI. eka paNa jIva sAthe vera-virodha rahI jAya to e samAdhimAM bAdhaka bane. samAdhi bagaDe eTale mota bagaDe. mota bagaDe eTale paraloka bagaDe ne tethI kadAca bhavobhava paNa bagaDI jAya. e badhuM huM sArI peThe jANato hato. nA... have huM mArA motane bagADavA hoto mAMgato. bhavobhava asamAdhipUrvaka marI-marIne anaMta avatAro eLe gayA che, e huM samajato hato. mArA zarIramAM vedanA vadhatI cAlI. jhera zarIramAM jhaDapathI prasaravA lAgyuM. naso kheMcAvA lAgI. cakkara AvavA mAMDyA. AMkhonA DoLA bahAra AvavA mAMDyA. vedanA evI bhayaMkara hatI ke huM enuM varNana karI zake nahi. paNa e vedanAmAM paNa vaMdanA cAlu hatI. zvAsa-zvAse huM 'namo arihaMtANaM... namo arihaMtANaM' manomana bolI rahyo hato. chellA zvAsa jorathI cAlavA mAMDyA. Akhare jIrNazIrNa thai gayelA zarIrane tyAM ja mUkI mArA AtamahaMse paraloka bhaNI prayANa AdaryuM. (e divasa hato vi.saM. 1229, po.su. 12, tA. 28-12-1172) marIne huM zuM banyo te jANo cho ? bhavanapati devalokamAM huM deva banyo. tame kadAca kahezo : samyakatva sahita manuSya jo AyuSya bAMdhe to vaimAnika devalokanuM ja bAMdhe, ethI ochuM jarAya nahi. tame to parama zrAvaka 'paramAIta' hatA to bhavanapati devalokamAM kema gayA ? tamAro prazna sAco che. paNa mAruM bhavanapatinuM AyuSya mithyAtva dazAmAM baMdhAi gayuM haze eTale huM ahIM Avyo. paNa vizva-vyavasthAmAM je kAMi bane che te badhuM sahetuka ja hoya che. kudarata mane ahIMnA bhavathI A ja bharatakSetramAM AvatI covIzInA Atma kathAo * 462 huM kumArapALa - 463

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prathama tIrthaMkaranA gaNadhara banAvavA mAMge che. zreNika mahArAjA prathama tIrthakara padmanAbha banavAnA ne huM temano gaNadhara banavAno. jo huM vaiimAnika devalokamAM gayo hota to A zI rIte zakya banata ? kAraNa ke lagabhaga 83 hajAra varSa pachI mAre ahIMthI cyavI javAnuM ne mAnavaavatAra levAno. jyAre vaimAnika devalokamAM gayo hota to sAgaropamonA AyuSyo tyAM hoya. mAro saMsAra eTalo vadhata ne ? "je bane te sArA mATe e siddhAMta mArA mATe to ekadama lAgu paDI gayo ! Aje huM devalokamAM chuM. bhagavAnanI bhakita karuM chuM. kalyANakonI ujavaNI vakhate avazya hAjara thai jAuM chuM. samavasaraNamAM jinezvara devanI vANI sAMbhaLuM chuM. kyAreka nATaka vagere paNa jouM chuM, paNa mane emAM khAsa rasa nathI. kyAreka bharata-kSetra para najara nAkhuM chuM tyAre UMDI ciMtAmAM mUkAi jAuM chuM : zuM thavA beThuM che. A badhuM ? mArA pachI rAjA banI beThelA ajayapALe mAtra traNa ja varSamAM mAruM karyuM? karAvyuM badhuM sApha karI nAkhyuM ! tribhuvanapALa vihAra jevA keTalAya jaina maMdiro toDI paDAvyA. mArA gurudevanA paTTaziSya A. zrI rAmacandrasUrine jIvatA dhagadhagatA tAMbAnA pATa para caDAvI mArI nAkhyA. kapardIne maMtrI banAvI te ja divase rAte dhagadhagatA telanI kaDAimAM jIvato taLI nAkhyo. AMbaDa maMtrIne lazkarathI gherI lai mArI nakhAvyo. graMtha bhaMDArone baLAvI naMkhAvyA. are, mArA gurudeva sAthe droha karI je AcArya bAlacaMdra tenI sAthe mitratA sAdhelI teno paNa gurudrohI tarIke khUba ja tiraskAra karyo. pATaNa, moDherA, gAMbhU vagere sArasvata maMDaLanA aneka jinAlayo toDI pADIne te jyAre dUranA tAraMgA, jAlora vagerenA jinAlayo toDavA javAnI taiyArI karavA lAgyo tyAre AbhaDa zeThe yukti lagAvI zIlaNa bhAMDane nATaka mATe taiyAra karI ajayapALane rokyo. A AbhaDa zeTha te ja, je ajayapALane rAjA banAvavA icchato hato. tene paNa kalpanA nhotI ke A ajayapALa Avo khataranAka nIkaLaze ! vaLI ajayapALa strI-laMpaTa paNa khUba ja hato. suMdara strI joine Atma kathAo * 464 tene aMtaHpuramAM dAkhala karAvato. AvI keTalIye strIone teNe potAne tyAM goMdhI rAkhI hatI. Akhare A ja AdatathI tenuM karuNa mRtyu thayuM. potAnA ja aMgarakSakonI mAtA sAthe teNe vyabhicAra sevyo. AthI aMgarakSakoe ja tene patAvI dIdho. e divasa hato : vi.saM. 1232, phA.su. 2 (mArca, i.sa. 1176). mAtra traNa ja varSa teNe rAjya karyuM, paNa teTalI vAramAM to badhuM khedAna-medAna karI nAkhyuM. zuM kudaratane AvuM ja maMjUra haze ? dareka sArA rAjAnI pAchaLa Avo ja koI anADI rAjA pedA thato dekhAya che ! zreNika dharmiSTha rAjA thayo, paNa tenI pAchaLa AvelA koNike dATa vALI nAkhyo. saMprati mahAna dhArmika rAjA thayo, paNa tenI pAchaLa thayelo puSyamitra? akabara sAro hato paNa tenI pachI be peDhI pachI thayelo auraMgajheba? A ja itihAsanI karuNatA che ! kadAca bhavitavyatAne AvuM ja pasaMda haze ! chatAM mane AnaMda che ke gujarAtamAM meM je ahiMsAno pAyo nAkhyo te Aje paNa taLiyethI majabUta che. Aje paNa tame vizvabharamAM pharI Avo, gujarAta jeTalI ahiMsA kyAMya jovA nahi maLe. samagra vizvamAM bhArata ahiMsA pradhAna, bhAratamAM paNa gujarAta ahiMsA pradhAna ! maNilAla nabhubhAI dvivedI jevAe AkSepa karyo che ke "lokomAM dayAnI sAthe ja yuddha Adi dUra karmano abhAva pesato gayo ne ema gUrjaroe potAnuM rAjya khoyuM tathA pachInI Uthala-pAthalomAM kadI potAnuM rAjya sthApI zakAyuM nahi." (juo : vaDodarA dezI keLavaNIkhAtA dvArA i.sa. 1893mAM prakAzita 'kuyAzraya mahAkAvya' gujarAtI anuvAdanA pustakamAM ma. na. dvivedI likhita 'yAzrayano sAra'mAM pR.naM. 26) zuM kharekhara evuM thayuM che ? zuM mAMsAhArI mANaso ja rAjya calAvI zake huM kumArapALa * 465

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evo niyama che ? bicArA ma. na. dvivedIne khyAla nathI ke 20mI sadIno sauthI vadhu krUra, sauthI vadhu yuddha karanAra, potAnA jIvanamAM eka kroDa sATha lAkha yahUdIonI krUra hatyA karanAra hiTalara mAMsAhArI hoto. ma. na. dvivedIne Ano khyAla hoya paNa kyAMthI ? kAraNa ke hiTalara pachI thayo hato. mAMsAhArI hoya teo rAjya calAve evuM paNa nathI. keTalAya mAMsAhArIo gulAma thaine Aje paNa jyAM-tyAM rakhaDe che. annAhArIo rAjya na calAvI zake, evuM paNa nathI. caulukya vaMzanI avanatinuM mULa mArI ahiMsA nathI, paNa ajayapALe je barbarazAhI calAvelI tenA kAraNe avanatino prAraMbha thayo. ulaTuM meM je majabUta rAjya vyavasthA goThavelI tenA prabhAve ja bALa mULarAja ane bhoLo bhImadeva jevA nabaLA rAjAo paNa zAsana karI zakyA. muslimonA AkramaNa samaye paNa teTalo samaya sudhI gujarAta-rAjya TakI rahyuM. karaNa vAghelo yuddhamAM marAyo tyAra pachI gujarAtamAM muslima zAsana AvyuM. astu. gujarAtamAM jo ke Aja-kAla khUba ja hiMsAo vadhI rahI che. masyodyoganA rUpALA nAma heThaLa lAkho-koDo mAchalAo pakaDAi rahyA che. mAMsAhAra vadhI rahyo che. mArA jevo mAMsAhArI mANasa paNa jyAM nirAmiSAhArI custa jaina banyo eja gujarAtamAM keTalAka jaina nabIrAone paNa mAMsAhAra karatA jouM chuM tyAre hRdaya dhrujI UThe che. garbhapAta jevI niMdya vastu paNa uccavarNomAM pesI gai che, e joine AghAta lAge che. adhUrAmAM pUruM vaLI e sarakAra taraphathI kAyadesaranI thai ! vaNajoitA garbhano nikAla karI devo, AthI vasatI para paNa niyaMtraNa rahe. Aja-kAla vaLI vasati niyaMtraNanuM tUta cAlyuM che. lAkho varSomAM kadI A samasyA pedA na thaine hamaNAM ja kema pedA thaI ? dalIlo evI che ke vasati vadhe che, paNa jagyA vadhatI nathI, dharatI eTalI ja rahevAnI che. davA vagerenI zodhothI uMmaranuM pramANa vadhyuM che, eTale mRtyu dara ghaTyo che. jo A rIte vasati vadhatI rahI to darekane anAja vagere zI rIte purUM thaze ? pahelAMnA kALamAM yuddho vagere thatI rahetA eTale vasatinuM saMtulana jaLavAi rahetuM. hamaNAM evA koi yuddho Atma kathAo * 466 nathI, mATe vasatino visphoTa thai rahyo che. tame vicAro. A badhI dalIlo sAcI che ? ke koi paradezI phaLadrupa bhejAnI ghAtakI yojanA che ? davA vagerenI zodhothI to ulaTA rogo vadhatA rahyA che. pahelAM kadI jenA nAmo nhotA sAMbhaLyA evA evA rogo mAnava-jAtane have pIDI rahyA che. dara varSe TI.bI., kensara vagere jevA jIvaleNa rogothI keTalA loko mare che ? pahelAM kahevAtuM hatuM ke TI.bI. roga kaMTrolamAM AvI gayo che, have pAcho TI.bI. kyAMthI phUTI nIkaLyo ? kensaranA roganI davA zodhAya e pahelAM to eiDresano khataranAka roga phATI nIkaLyo che. AvA rogomAM keTalAya mANaso homAtA rahe che, e kema dekhAtuM nathI ? uMmaranuM pramANa vadhyuM che, evuM koNe kahyuM ? zuM amArA jamAnAmAM lAMbuM jIvanArA mANaso hotA ? huM pote 80 varSa jIvelo. mArA gurudeva 84 varSa jIvelA. udAyana maMtrI 100 varSanI uMmare laDyA hatA. vajasena sUri 120 varSa jIvelA. so varSathI vadhu jIvanArA keTalAya meM mArI AMkhe joyA che ane Aje zuM tamArAmAMnA badhA ja lAMbuM AyuSya bhogave che ? hArTa vagerenA dardIthI Aje 35-40 varSanI uMmare koi maratA nathI, evuM tame kahI zakazo? 'pahelAMnA kALamAM yuddho thatAM eTale vasatinuM saMtulana jaLavAi rahetuM' A dalIla paNa sAcI nathI. zuM Aje yuddho baMdha thai gayA che ? duniyAnA koine koi bhAga para Aje paNa nAnA-moTA yuddho cAlu ja che. trAsavAdathI roja aneka mANaso marI rahyA che, e kema dekhAtuM nathI ? mAnI lo ke kadAca yuddho ochA thayA, paNa maraNanA bIjA saMyogo keTalA vadhI gayA ? Trena, moTara ane plenonA akasmAtomAM roja ekI sAthe keTalA mare che ? teno kadI hisAba rAkhyo? nadIonA pUromAM, bhayaMkara dharatIkaMpomAM, dukALomAM, bhUkhamarAmAM, akasmAtomAM ekIsAthe keTalAya mANaso maratA rahe che, te aMge kadI vicAryuM? vaLI ahIM sauthI vadhu vicAraNIya muddo e che ke pUra, dharatIkaMpa, yuddha vagerenI honAratomAM ekI sAthe hajAro-lAkho mANaso marI zake che, paNa ekI sAthe kadI janma thai zake kharo ? hirozImA, jevA zahero huM kumArapALa * 467

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para eka boMba jhIMkAya ane lAkha-doDha lAkha mANaso gaNatarInI sekaMDomAM marI jAya. paNa zuM tamArI pAse koi evo boMba che je nAkhatAM ja lAkha bALako pedA thai jAya ? eka ja dharatIkaMpa lAkho mANasone mArI zake che, paNa evo koi dharatI-kaMpa nathI, jenAthI ekI sAthe lAkho bALako pedA thai zake. mANasane mAravAmAM eka ja sekaMDa pUratI che, paNa ene janma ApavAmAM nava mahInAthI ochuM na ja cAle ! visarjana haMmezA AsAna che, sarjana muzkela che. Avo sIdho tarka kema samajAto nahi hoya ? "vRkSo kapAi rahyA che, jaMgalo ghaTI rahyA che. vRkSa kApatAM kalAkabe kalAka lAge, paNa vRkSa taiyAra thatAM varSo nIkaLI jAya. mATe vRkSAropaNa karo." AvI dalIla karanAro mANasa, A ja dalIla mAnava-jAta mATe kema lagAvato nathI ? tame kahezo : to pachI vasati bephAma kema vadhI rahI che? pahelAM thoDI hatI, atyAre kema vadhI gai ? eka muMbainI ja vAta lo. haju thoDA ja varSo pahelAM 50-60 lAkhanI vasati hatI. atyAre kroDa sudhI pahoMcI gai. Ama kema banyuM ? muMbai, kalakattA jevA mahAnagaromAM to eTalI bhIDa che, eTalI bhIDa che, ke mANaso TrenamAM bakarAnI jema pUrAya che, A badhuM ame najare joie chIe. zuM e khoTuM mAnavuM ? - nA, A khoTuM nathI. taddana sAcuM che. mahAnagaronI vasati ati jhaDapathI vadhI rahI che. paNa vicArazo to lAgaze ke ATalI badhI vasati AvI kyAMthI ? gAmaDAM choDI-choDIne loko zaheromAM rahevA AvI gayA. gAmaDAMo khAlI thai gayA. zahero UbharAi gayA. eTale tamane bhrama thayo ke vasati vadhI gai ! judA judA sthAne rahelA anAjane eka sthaLe ekaThuM karo to keTalo moTo Dhagalo lAge ? to tame ema kahezo : anAja vadhI gayuM ? Aje tame kaccha, rAjasthAna vagerenA gAmaDAomAM jAva e gAmaDAMo tamane sUnakAra lAgaze, bhUtiyA mahelo lAgaze. makAno UbhA che, paNa tyAM rahenAruM koI nathI. are, keTalAya gAmaDAMo to evA che jyAM maDaduM upADanArA mANaso paNa nathI. vasati vadhI rahI che - evuM jaNAvanArA sarakArI AMkaDAothI bhramita nA thazo. e to badhI AMkaDAnI indrajALa che, jemAM bhalabhalA kherakhAo paNa muMjhAi jAya. moTA-moTA paMDito, vidvAno, patrakAro, lekhako, ciMtako badhA ja vasati-visphoTa aMge to ekamata ja che. roja-roja eka ja vAta sAMbhaLavAthI e vAta game teTalI khoTI hoya toya sAcI ja lAge. gobelsanI vAta tame bhUlI nathI gayAne ? eka ja jUThANuM sAta vAra calAvo to loko tene sAcuM mAnI leze. cAre bAju eka ja vAta cAlatI hovAthI ghaNuM karIne mANasa enAthI viruddha dizAmAM vicArI zakato nathI. badhAnI sAthe te paNa kahevA lAge che : hA, vasati vadhI rahI che. ATalA badhA prakAMDa ciMtako kahetA haze te kAMi khoTuM haze ? badhA bhegA "lola lola...' karavuM sAruM ! thAya tevA thaie to gAma vacce rahIe ! badhAthI judI vAta kahI 'mUrkha' zA mATe banavuM ? kadAca vasati vadhI jAya toya ene saMtulanamAM rAkhavAnuM kAma kudaratanuM che. mANasa tyAM lAcAra che. vasati niyaMtraNanI bUmo pADanArA mANaso, e rIte vAta karI rahyA che jANe AkhI duniyAno bhAra potAnA para na hoya ! jANe badhAne kAma, badhAne anAja pote ja pUruM pADatA na hoya ! jeo vasati-vadhArAnI vAta karI rahyA che, temaNe ja kharekhara to A duniyAmAMthI vidAya lai levI joie. kama se kama eTalI vasati to ochI thAya ! vasati niyaMtraNanI vAtoe sauthI vadhu asara uccavarNanI zikSita prajAne karI che. AthI teo to ochA bALa, jaya gopALamAM mAnatA thai gayA che. have thayuM zuM ? ucca varNavALA, buddhizALI, zrImaMta ane zikSita mANasonI saMkhyA jhaDapathI ghaTI rahI che. jyAre buddhihIna, daridra mANasonI saMkhyA vadhatI ja rahI che. AvuM ja cAlatuM rahyuM to pariNAma zuM Avaze te tame vicArI lejo. vasati-niyaMtraNa jo koi vrata-pAlana dvArA karatuM hoya to prazaMsanIya che, paraMtu kRtrima sAdhano dvArA karavuM e to pAyamAlIno mArga che, e vAta vahelI-moDI samajavI ja rahI. Atma kathAo * 468 huM kumArapALa * 469

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- (pa6) huM meghakumAra AvI to ghaNI vAto che, je taddana jUThI hovA chatAM prajA sAcI mAnI rahI che. tame kahezo : tame to deva cho to AvA jUThANAMo aTakAvatA kema nathI ? hiMsAne aTakAvavA koi prayatna kema karatA nathI ? tamArI vAta sAcI che, paNa devo A bAbatamAM zuM karI zake ? bhavitavyatA jevI hoya tevI tIrthakarone paNa svIkAravI paDe che to ame vaLI koNa ? bhagavAna mahAvIradevanI hAjarImAM kALIyo kasAi roja 500 pADA mArato hato, pelA koNike potAnA pitA zreNikane jelamAM pUryA, potAnA nAnA ceTakanI sAthe yuddha caDyo. lAkho mANasone raheMsI nAkhyA. A ghaTanA sAme bhagavAne kAMi na karyuM. bhavitavyatA baLavAna hoya tyAM bhagavAna paNa parama audAsInya dharatA hoya che. vaLI, ame devo to vilAsI ! nAca, gAna ane nATakanA jabbara zokhIna ! 500-1000 varSa to capaTImAM nIkaLI jAya. eka nATaka joine tamArA mRtyu-lokamAM najara karIe to peDhIonI peDhIo sApha thai gai hoya. vaLI tamArA mAnava-lokanI durgadha eTalI bhayaMkara hoya che ke amane tamAre tyAM AvavAnuM mana paNa na thAya ! A to vaLI bharata-kSetra para jarA najara nAkhI, gujarAta para dRSTipAta karyo eTale be akSara kahevAnuM mana thai gayuM. bAkI to duniyAmAM AvuM badhuM cAlyA kare. ApaNe zuM karI zakIe ? acchA... tyAre huM vidAya lauM chuM. thoDuM kahyuM ghaNuM karI jANajo ! jaMgalamAM mastIthI pharanAro huM hAthI ! aneka hAthaNIothI parivarelo huM mArI mastIthI jaMgalamAM jIvato hato. eka vakhate jaMgalamAM bhayaMkara Aga lAgI. bhaDa... bhaDa... karatI jvALAo AkAzane AMbavA lAgI. huM ekadama gabharAi gayo. paNa tyAM ja huM vicAramAM paDI gayo : Avo dAvAnaLa meM kyAMka joyo che. kyAMka joyo che. huM UMDA vicAramAM khovAi gayo, avacetana manamAM DUbakI mArI. mArI daTAyelI smRtio jAgRta thai. mane yAda AvyuM ke - pUrvabhavamAM paNa huM hAthI hato. AvA dAvAnaLo ghaNIvAra joyelA che. temAM saLagatA pazuo ane prANIo meM joyelA che. emanI dardabharI ribAmaNo joyelI che. huM pote paNa keTalIyevAra dAvAnaLathI mAMDa bacyo chuM. 120 varSanI uMmare huM eka vakhate kAdavamAM khUMpI gayo tyAre mArA zatru hAthIe daMtazULo mArI - lohIluhANa karI mane mArI nAkhyo hato. marIne A bhavamAM paNa huM hAthI tarIke janmyo ! have mAre AvA dAvAnaLathI bacavA koika upAya zodhavo paDaze. jaMgalamAM AvA dAvAnaLo to vAraMvAra lAgyA ja karavAnA. AvI rIte nAsatA-bhAgatA kyAM sudhI pharavAnuM ? kyAM sudhI herAna thavAnuM? enA karatAM koi kAyamI ukela zodhI laUM ! mane khyAla che. ke Aga lAkaDAM ke ghAsa hoya tyAM ja lAge che... kAMkarA ke dhULamAM Aga nathI lAgatI. tame ema nahi mAnatA ke hAthImAM akkala nathI hotI. ame tamArA prema-dhikkAra, mAna-apamAna badhuM ja samajI zakIe chIe. mAtra amane tamArI jema bolatAM nathI AvaDatuM eja amArI moTI takalIpha che. amArA mAna-apamAnamAM ame bahu sAvadha rahIe chIe. jo koi amAruM khAvA-pIvAnI bAbatamAM apamAna karI bese to ame pUro badalo laie chIe. tame amArA viSe A aMge ghaNuM vAMcyuM paNa haze ane sAMbhaLyuM paNa haze ! ThIka... have ApaNe mULa vAta para AvIe. to meM mArA ane mArA vizALa parivAranA bacAva mATe eka yojana Atma kathAo * 471 Atma kathAo * 470

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jeTalI goLAkAra jagyAne ghAsa, lAkaDAM vagere dUra karI ekadama sApha banAvI nAkhI. jethI jaMgalamAM game teTalo dAvAnaLa lAge... paNa je A goLAkAra mAMDalAmAM AvI jAya tene kAMi na thAya. ghaNIvAra mane vicAra Ave che ke ame hAthIo ATalI vAta samajI zakIe chIe to mANaso kema samajI nahi zakatA hoya ? jo dareka mANasa potAnI cittanI aTavImAM maunanuM mAMDaluM banAvI leto hoya to ? mana paNa eka vana nathI ? vanamAM jaMgalI pazuo che to manamAM rAga-dveSAdi che. vanamAM dAvAnaLa che to manamAM krodhano dAvAnaLa che. jaMgalamAM vAraMvAra dAvAnaLa phATI nIkaLe che tema manamAM vAraMvAra krodhAnaLa phATI nIkaLe che. te vakhate jo mANasa maunanA mAMDalAmAM cAlyo jAya to ? lAkaDAMthI Aga vadhe che. bolavAthI krodha vadhe che. lAkaDAM na maLe to Aga potAnI meLe zAMta thai jAya che. bolavAmAM na Ave to koI potAnI meLe zAMta thai jAya che. eTale huM hAthI hovA chatAM mANasone jarA zikhAmaNa ApavA mAMguM chuM : o mAnavo ! tamArI cittanI aTavImAM jyAre jyAre krodhano dAvAnaLa phATI nIkaLe tyAre tyAre maunanA mAMDalAmAM cAlyA jajo. tame ghaNA-ghaNA anathothI bacI jazo. are... huM bhUlyo. mArI vAta karatAM-karatAM huM mANasone zikhAmaNa ApavA kyAM cAlyo gayo ? mANasone zikhAmaNa ApanAra huM koNa ? kyAM hAthI ane kyAM mANasa ? e mANaso ! mArI gustAkhI mApha karajo. anadhikRta ceSTA kSamya gaNazo. tamane upadeza ApavAno mAro adhikAra nathI... chatAM rahevAyuM nahi eTale upadeza apAI gayo. ThIka have huM mArI vAta karuM. pharI eka vakhate jaMgalamAM bhayaMkara dAvAnaLa lAgyo. A vakhate mAruM mAMDaluM ekadama kAma AvI gayuM. huM mArA parivAra sAthe mAMDalAmAM Avyo. AgathI trAselA bIjA paNa aneka prANIo mAMDalAmAM bharAyA. thoDIvAramAM to AkhuM mAMDaluM ThasoThasa bharAI gayuM. kyAMya jagyA rahI nahi. badhA prANIone A rIte AgathI bacelA joi mane AnaMda thayo. huM lagabhaga mAMDalAnI vacce Ubho hato. mArI nIce paNa sasalA, haraNa vagere aneka prANIo ghUsI gayA hatA. huM emanA mATe to maMDapa ja Atma kathAo * 472 hato ne ? thoDIvAra pachI khaNaja khaNavA meM mAro paga UMco karyo. khaNaja khaNIne jyAM huM paga nIce mUkavAnI taiyArI karato hato tyAM ja te jagyAe beTheluM sasaluM meM joyuM. (huM hAthI chatAM nIce joine paga mUkuM chuM. tame cAlatI vakhate nIce juo cho ne ? ke...) mArA paganI khAlI paDelI jagyAmAM e ghusI AvyuM hatuM. atyaMta bhIDathI akaLAI gayeluM sasaluM khAlI paDelI jagyA joi rAjI-rAjI thaI gayuM hatuM. nirdoSa sasalAne joi meM vicAryuM : oha ! jo mAro thAMbhalA jevo paga A nAjuka prANI para paDaze to e roTalo ja thai jaze. enA karatAM huM mArA pagane emane ema UMco ja rAkhuM to bicAruM bacI jaze. jo ke huM dhArata to tame jema bhIDamAM bIjAne dhakkA-mukkA mArIne jagyA karI lo cho tema huM paNa jagyA karI leta... paNa nA... mAre hotuM karavuM. mArI zaktino mane AmAM durUpayoga lAgyo. huM moTo chuM. zaktizALI chuM. sasalo nAno che. rAMka che. dhAruM to game te karI nAkhyuM paNa tyAre meM vicAryuM : zakita maLelI che to nirbaLanI rakSA karuM. zaktinuM sauMdarya bIjAne dabAvavAmAM nahi, paNa bacAvavAmAM khIle che. mArA hRdayamAM dayAno jharo vahI rahyo : mane koi dabAve ke herAna kare to mane nathI gamatuM to huM koine dabAvuM ke herAna karuM e bIjAne zI rIte gamaze ? bIjA koine to huM kadAca na bacAvI zake, paNa mArA zaraNe AvelA-mArA paga nIce AvelA nAnAnAjuka prANIne paNa na bacAvI zakuM ? to mArI zakita zA kAmanI ? mAruM hRdaya karuNAndra banyuM. meM paga satata UMco ne UMco ja rAkhyo. baMdhuo ! jo huM paNa ATaluM dayAthI bhInuM bhInuM jIvana jIvI zakato houM to tamAre mArI pAsethI zIkhavA jevuM che evuM tamane nathI lAgatuM? jyAre tame ToLAmAM dhakkA-mukI karo tyAre mane yAda karajo. jyAre jagyA mATe paDA-paDI karo tyAre mane yAda karajo. jyAre tame basamAM ArAmathI beThA ho ne sakhata bhIDathI trAsI gayelI koI vRddhA UbhI-UbhI jagyAnI pratIkSA karatI hoya tyAre mane yAda karajo. pUrA aDhI divasa huM emane ema paga UMco rAkhIne Ubho rahyo. dAvAnaLa zAMta thayo. tyAre badhA pazuo mAMDalAmAMthI gayA. meM paga nIce Atma kathAo * 473

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mUkavA prayatna karyo paNa aDhI divasa sudhI UMce rahelo paga ekadama jakaDAi gayo hato. huM dhaba karato dharatI para DhaLI paDyo. basa... paDyo te paDyo... pachI huM pharIthI Ubho thai zakyo nahi. tamane kadAca ema thatuM haze : hAthIbhAi ! tame sasalAnI dayA karIne zuM meLavyuM ? basa... A mota ja meLavyuM ne ? tame jo mArI jagyAe ho to pastAvo paNa karo. hAya ! hAya ! meM A zuM karyuM? A to dharama karatAM dhADa paDI ! meM ene zA mATe bacAvyo? mane koNe DAhyA thavA kahyuM'tuM ? nAhaka gAMThanuM choDIne gopIcaMda zA mATe thayo ? A vakhate to dayA karI paNa have bIjI vAra AvI dayA kare e bIjA ! dayAnI mAne to DAkaNa khAya ! tame AvA vicAro karI beso... kharuM ne? tame ja nahi, sAmAnya rIte koine paNa evA vicAro AvI jAya. sAruM kArya karyA pachI aMtarano rAjIpo to koika lAkhomAM ekAdane thato haze ? e hisAbe huM mArI jAtane bhAgyazALI gaNI zakuM ke lAkhomAMno eka huM hoi zakuM ! huM maravAnI aNI para hato. zarIramAM bhayaMkara pIDA hatI, chatAM mane AnaMda hato. sasalAne jagyA ApyAno AnaMda ! e AnaMdanA sAgaramAM mArI zArIrika pIDA kyAMya DUbI jatI hatI.. huM mRtyu pAmyo.. paNa karmasattAe mane kyAMthI kyAM mUkyo ! hAthImAMthI mane rAjakumAra banAvyo. magadha dezanA samrATano huM putra banyo. mArA pitAne to tame have oLakhI ja gayA hazo ? na oLakhatA ho to kahI dauM - zreNika ! prabhuzrI mahAvIradevanA ananya upAsaka ! emanA roma-romamAM vIra... vIra...nuM guMjana cAle ! savAre dararoja prabhu je dizAmAM vicaratA hoya te dizAmAM caityavaMdana kare - sonAnA dararoja navA banelA eNkaso ATha javathI sAthIyo kare ! 'mahAvIra' zabda sAMbhaLatAM ja romAMca vikasvara thai UThe ! ...to AvA dhArmika pitAno huM putra hato. mArI mAtAnuM nAma hatuMH dhAriNI ! meM ekavAra prabhuzrI mahAvIradevanI dezanA sAMbhaLI ane mArI jIvana-dizA palaTAi gai. rAjakumAra hovA chatAM meM saMsAra-tyAgano nirNaya karyo. prabhuno mArga mane khUba ja gamI gayo. jo ke mArI mAtAe Atma kathAo * 474 mane khUba ja rokyo. khUba ja karagarI paNa huM aDaga rahyo. Akhare mAtAne rajA ApavI ja paDI. ApavI ja paDe ne ! mANasane jo sAcI icchA jAge to koine koi mArga nIkaLI ja jAya. deDha icchA himAlayane paNa namAvI zake ne vajane paNa gALI zake che. prabhue mane dIkSA ApI. have huM sAdhu banyo. kyAM hAthI ? kyAM rAjakumAra ? kyAM jaina muni ? eka sasalAe (alabatta, sasalA paranI dayAe) mane kyAMthI kyAM lAvI mUkyo ! paNa mANasa haMmeza unnati tarapha ja gati kare che, evuM nathI. kyAreka te avanati tarapha paNa ghasaDAi jAya che. rAta ane divasanI jema sAdhakanA jIvanamAM paNa patana ane utthAna, Aroha ane avaroha, unnati ane avanati AvyA ja karatA hoya che. mArA jIvanamAM paNa ema thayuM. sAdhanAnA prAraMbhe ja mAro jIvana-2tha avanatinA khADAmAM phasAyo. dIkSAnI pahelI ja rAtre huM sAdhupaNAthI kaMTALyo. vAta ema banelI ke rAtre mAro naMbara sauthI chelle (daravAjA pAse) lAgelo... mAro saMthAro (pathArI) daravAjA pAse thayo. kAraNa ke huM sauthI nAno hato. A to bhagavAnanuM zAsana hatuM. rAjakumAra pachIthI dIkSA le to e nAno ja bane. AgaLa dIkSita banelA kaThIyArAne paNa vaMdana karavA paDe. ahIM koi pakSapAta hoto. sarvatra samAna najara hatI. paNa mAre to bhAre thai. rAtre laghuzaMkA mATe jatA-AvatA vRddha sAdhuonA paga lAgavAthI vAraMvAra mArI UMgha UDI javA lAgI. emanA paganI dhULathI mAro Akho saMthAro bharAi gayo. mArI UMgha harAma thai gai. huM phUla jevI komaLa pathArImAM sUvAne TevAyelo hato. mane AvA dhULavALA saMthArAmAM UMgha kyAMthI Ave ? huM sAdhu-jIvanathI kaMTALyo : haju to A pahelI ja rAta che ke ATalI badhI viDaMbaNA ? huM AkhuM jIvana zI rIte pasAra karIza ? AvuM herAnagativALuM jIvana ApaNAthI jIvAya nahi. haju to ghaNuM jIvavAnuM che. dIkSAnI vAta sAMbhaLatAM sArI lAge, paNa jIvanamAM utAravI kaThaNa che. ApaNe to savAre bhagavAnane kahI devAnA : prabhu ! lo A tamAruM rajoharaNa. kaMTALI gayo chuM tamArI Atma kathAo * 475

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dIkSAthI. AvuM rukSa ane kaSTadAyaka saMyama jIvana mArAthI jIvI zakAya nahi. huM to ghera cAlyo javAno ! savAra thatAM ja huM bhagavAna pAse pahoMcI gayo. paNa huM kAMi kahuM te pahelAM ja prabhu bolI UThyA : "kema mahAnubhAva ! tane saMyamanA tyAgano vicAra Avyo ?" mArA mananI vAta sAMbhaLI huM coMkI UThyo. paNa tarata ja mane samajAI gayuM : A bhagavAna to sarvajJa che. mArA pratyeka vicArane ane vartanane jANe che. emanAthI zuM ajJAta hoya ? bhagavAne kahyuM : he devAnupriya ! eka rAtanA thoDAka kaSTathI tuM kaMTALI gayo ? yAda kara tArA pUrvabhavane, hAthInA bhavane ! tyAM te keTaluM sahana kareluM che ? svecchAthI sahana karIe emAM ja moTo phAyado che. parAdhInatAthI to pazuonA bhAvomAM ghaNuMye sahana karyuM, paraMtu tenAthI lAbha bahu ocho thayo. eka sasalA khAtara te sahana karyuM tethI tuM Aje TheTha sAdhupaNAnI kakSA sudhI pahocyo che. have jo tuM sAdhuo khAtara / rAtadivasa zuddha adhyavasAyomAM rahetA munio khAtara sahana karIza to tuM kyAM pahoMcIza ? bhagavAne mane mArA hAthInA baMne pUrvabhavo kahyA. mane jAtismaraNa jJAna thayuM. bhUlAyelA pUrvabhavo yAda AvyA. moharAjA bahu jabaro che. e pUrvabhavonI vAto bhUlAvI deto hoya che. pUrvabhavo jo AtmAne yAda rahetA hoya to to saMsAramAM kyAMya AnaMda na Ave. khAvAmAM - pIvAmAM - bhogavavAmAM kyAMya majA na Ave. zuM baLyuMtuM AmAM ? AvuM to meM keTaluMya khAdhuM, keTaluMya pIdhuM, keTaluMya bhogavyuM. pharIpharI pAchuM enuM e karavAnuM ? A to bhayaMkara kaMTALAjanaka kahevAya. sArAmAM sArI philama hoya, paNa vAraMvAra jovI mANasane gamatI nathI. ene navuM ne navuM joie. AtmAne nUtananuM ja AkarSaNa che. jo ene khabara paDI jAya ke oha ! huM to anaMtIvAra dilhIno bAdazAha banelo chuM, anaMtIvAra sonAnA DhagalA para beThelo chuM, anaMtIvAra madhanI koThIomAM DUbakI lagAvI che, anaMtIvAra phUlanI zayyAomAM ALoTyo chuM, to ene kyAMya AnaMda na Ave. dilhInA siMhAsana para paNa AnaMda na Ave ane paisAnA DheramAM paNa AnaMda na Ave ! paNa jagata to enuM Atma kathAo * 476 e ja che. emAM roja-roja navuM kyAMthI lAvavuM ? A ja pudgalonA kaNomAMthI khela karavAnA che. paNa moharAjA bahu cAlAka che. e ApaNI pUrvasmRtione naSTa karI nAMkhe che, jethI ApaNI nitya nUtana tattvane pAmavAnI icchA saMtoSAi rahI che, evo bhrama jaLavAi zake ! navo janma ! navuM vAtAvaraNa ! navA saMyogo ! navA padArtho ! jANe kadI maLyuM ja nathI, kadI joyuM ja nathI - evA bhAvathI dareka bhavamAM AtmA pudgalomAM rasa leto ja rahe - leto ja rahe, kadI kaMTALe ja nahi. paNa mahAvIradeva A moharAjAnI cAla samajelA che. ethI teo pUrvasUtione jagADe che. avAranavAra aneka AtmAone emanA pUrvabhavo jaNAve che, suSupta smRtione DhaMDhoLe che ane moharAjAnI cuMgAlamAMthI choDAve che. huM bhAgyazALI hato. mane moharAjAnI pakkaDamAMthI choDAvanAra mahAvIradeva maLI gayA. unmArge gayelA mArA jIvana rathane sanmArge sthApita karanAra uttama sArathI mane maLI gayA. huM saMyama mArgamAM ekadama sthira banI gayo. mAro jIvanaratha saDasaDATa sAdhanAnA mArge cAlavA lAgyo. pachI to mane saMyama-tyAganA pharI kadI vicAro AvyA ja nathI. huM samAdhipUrvaka mRtyu pAmI anuttara vimAnamAM deva thayo. evuM lAge che ke bIjAne sukhI banAvavAnA vicAramAMthI ja dharmano janma thAya che, ne vikAsano prAraMbha thAya che. eka sasalAnA sukhano vicAra mane Avyo to huM kyAMthI kyAM pahoMcyo ? hAthImAMthI rAjakumAra banyo. zreNika rAjA jevA pitAjI ane dhAriNI jevAM mAtA maLyA ! dIkSAmAM mahAvIra jevA guru maLyA. are, guru ja nahi, sArathI banIne emaNe mAro jIvanaratha sanmArge vALyo. tame mane oLakhI gayA ne ? Aje paNa paryuSaNamAM kalpasUtranA prathama vyAkhyAnamAM "dhammasArahINuM' e padanI vyAkhyAmAM mAruM dRSTAMta apAya che, vinayavijayajIe subodhikA TIkAmAM mAruM jIvana, dRSTAMta tarIke noMdhyuM che. have to oLakhANa paDIne ? tame kahI batAvazo ke huM ja kahI daUM ? sAMbhaLo tyAre : huM meghakumAra ! Atma kathAo * 477

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(57) huM rAvaNa ame traNa bhAio hatA. sauthI moTo chuM. mAruM nAma rAvaNa ane mArA bhAionA nAma kuMbhakarNa ane vibhISaNa. 'rAvaNa' zabda sAMbhaLatAM ja tamane daza mAthAvALo rAkSasa yAda AvI gayo haze. kharuMne ? paNa kharekhara to hotA mane daza mAthA ke hoto huM rAkSasa ! rAkSasadvIpamAM raheto hovAthI huM 'rAkSasa' tarIke oLakhAyo chuM. jema kacchamAM rahenArane kacchI, gujarAtamAM rahenArane gujarAtI, amerikAmAM rahenArane amerikana tarIke tame saMbodho cho ne ? tema mane paNa "rAkSasa' tarIke saMbodhavAmAM Avato. kharekhara huM rAkSasa na hoto. ane deza mAthAvALI vAta paNa sAMbhaLavA jevI che. huM nAno hato tyAre gharanA oraDAmAM nava mANekano hAra joyo. ekeka mANeka sUraja jevo jhaLahaLato hato. meM pUchyuM : "jagatamAM bAra sUrya saMbhaLAya che.. paNa ahIM nava ja kema che ?" pachI mane vaDIlo taraphathI kahevAmAM AvyuM : tArA bApadAdAone varadAnamAM maLelo A hAra che. tArA vaDavAo A hAranI parApUrvathI pUjA karatA AvyA che. evI mAnyatA che ke A hAra je pahere te traNa khaMDa bhAratano svAmI bane. hAranI pUjA thoDI karavAnI hoya ? ene to paheravAno hoya. je pahere te traNa khaMDano mAlika thavAno hoya to huM ja zA mATe na paheruM ? mArA bALa magajamAM paNa apAra mahattvAkAMkSAo bharelI hatI. meM to hAra tarata ja paherI ja lIdho. mArA vaDIlo to mAruM parAkrama joi ja rahyA. hAra paheratAM ja jANe camatkAra sarjAyo. hAranA naveya mANekamAM mAruM mAthuM pratibiMbita thai gayuM. eka mAruM potAnuM mAthuM ane nava pratibiMbanA mAthA - huM A rIte daza mAthAvALo kahevAyo. mane dazAnana, dezamukha ke dazAsya tarIke paNa saMbodhavAmAM Avato. to daza mAthAnI Atma kathAo * 478 sAcI vAta tamane have samajAine ? tame vicAro to kharA : daza mAthAvALo koi mANasa pedA thato haze ? mArA mA-bApanI sAta peDhImAM koine ekathI vadhu mAthA nhotA to mane daza mAthA kyAMthI hoya ? pachI to meM prajJapti vagere ghaNI vidyAo sAdhI. Ameya baLavAna to hato ja. paNa vidyAonA kAraNe to huM khUba ja baLavAna banI gayo. jota-jotAmAM traNeya khaMDa jItI lIdhA. jyAM jAuM tyAM mArA nAmano jayajayakAra thavA lAgyo. mAro ahaMkAra puSTa thavA lAgyo. tame sAMbhaLyuM haze : rAvaNanA putre indrane jItI lIdho hato. soma, yama, varuNa, kubera vagere dikapAlone paNa dAsa banAvyA hatA. paNa hakIkata judI hatI. indra eTale pelo svargano indra nahi samajavAno... paNa dharatIno indra nAmano rAjA samajavAno. vaitADhaya parvatamAM indra nAmano vidyAdhara rAjA hato. te pUrvabhavamAM indra hato. A bhavamAM paNa vidyA vagerenA aizvaryathI potAnI jAtane te indra mAnato ane manAvato ! teNe potAnI paTTarANInuM nAma pADyuM : zacI ! zastranuM nAma pADyuM : vaja ! hAthInuM nAma pADayuM : airAvaNa ! ghoDAnuM nAma pADyuM : uccaHzravA ! sArathInuM nAma pADayuM : mAtali ! cAra parAkramI subhaTonA nAma pADyA : soma, yama, varuNa ane kubera ! A rIte te jAte ja indra banI beTho ane potAnA mithyAgarvane saMtoSavA lAgyo. mane te jarAya gaNakArato nhoto ! huM sainya sahita tenI sAthe laDavA cAlyo. te paNa mArI sAme sainya sahita laDavA Avyo. huM tenI sAme javA lAgyo tyAre mArA putra meghanAde kahyuM : pitAjI ! mane laDavAno cAnsa Apo. macchara jevAne mAravA mATe ApanI jarUra na hoya... huM putranI hiMmatathI khuza thayo. huM mArA putrone paNa baLavAna ane sAhasika banAvavA mAMgato hato. emane koi cAnsa ApavA mAMgato hato. cAnsa maLyA vinA emanuM parAkrama khIle kaI rIte ? e to upaDyo. baMne vacce bhayaMkara yuddha thayuM. sainyo laDatAM thaMbhI gayAM ane baMne baLiyAne laDatA jovA lAgyA. baMne baLavAna hatA. ekabIjAne kSaNe-kSaNe haMphAvatA hatA. acAnaka ja indra rAjA "A macchara Atma kathAo * 479

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jevo TeNIyo mane zuM karavAno che ?' ema dhArIne Ubho rahyo, te ja vakhate mArA putre enA para tarApa mArI. dharatI para paTakIne ene bAMdhI dIdho. meM tene jelamAM pUryo. tene bacAvavA AvelA pelA soma, yama, varuNa ane kuberane paNa jelamAM pUryA. mArA putra meghanAde indrane jItyo hovAthI te "indrajituM' tarIke paNa oLakhAyo. have huM pAtAla laMkA jItavA cAlyo. tyAMnA rAjA caMdrodarane haNIne tenuM rAjya meM kharane soMpyuM. mArI bena caMdraNakhA paNa tenI sAthe paraNAvI. Ama kharane mAro banevI banAvyo. caMdrodaranI garbhavatI patnI kyAMka nAsI gai. kyAMya patto lAgyo nahi. eka vakhate huM mArA puSpaka vimAnamAM besIne gagana-vihAranI moja mANI rahyo hato tyAM mArI najara nIce paDI. marutta rAjA jabaradasta yajJanuM Ayojana karI rahyo hato. yajJamAM homavA mATe keTalAya pazuo vADAmAM pUryA hatA. huM dhrUjI UThyo : oha ! dharmanA nAme kevo adharma ? sarvajJa bhagavaMtoe karuNAmaya dharma batAvyo che, jyAre A mUDha loko pazuonI hatyAmAM dharma samajI rahyA che. mAre tene aTakAvavo ja joie. meM vimAnane tarata ja nIce utAryuM. marutta rAjAne kahyuM : alyA, A zuM mAMDyuM che ? dharma to dayAmAM che, nirdayatAmAM nahi, hiMsAmAM nahi. sUrya kadAca pUrvamAMthI pazcimamAM Uge, kadAca AgamAMthI zItaLatA ane caMdramAMthI uSNatA pragaTe to paNa kadI pazuonI hiMsAthI dharma thai zake nahi. baMdha kara tArA A yajJanA bhavADA. jo baMdha nahi kare to A lokamAM tAre jela bhegA thavuM paDaze ne paralokamAM naraka bhegA thavuM paDaze. samajyo ? mArI AjJA nahi mAnanAranI zI vale thAya che, tenI to tane khabara ja haze ? marutte tarata ja yajJanuM visarjana karyuM. huM khuza thayo. tame ema nahi mAnatA ke meM mAtra yuddho ja karyA che ne ghora pApo ja karyA che. meM dharmanI ArAdhanA paNa karelI che. bhagavAnanI bhakti to mArA roma-romamAM ramatI hatI. bhagavAna zrImunisuvrata svAmIno huM parama bhakta hato. emanI Atma kathAo * 480 nIlamaNinI pratimA sadA huM sAthe ja rAkhato. prabhu-pratimAnA darzana vinA kadI anna-pANI leto nahi. chatAM eTaluM kharuM ke mAruM jIvana virodhAbhAsI che. meM kyAreka AvezamAM AvI jai ghora pApa karmo paNa karelA che to kyAreka sAme cheDe khUba ja bhAvapUrvaka bhagavAnanI bhakti paNa karI che. eka ja dAkhalo huM batAvuM, jemAM mArA duSTa kArya ane sArA kArya baMnenA aMtima cheDA AvI jAya che. eka vakhate huM puSpaka vimAnamAM besI ratnAvalI nAmanI kanyAne paraNavA jai rahyo hato. paNa acAnaka ja rastAmAM mAruM vimAna aTakI gayuM. huM ekadama krodhe bharAyo. mArA vimAnane aTakAvanAra che koNa? meM nIce najara karI. aSTApada parvata para rahelA vAli muni dekhAyA. oha ! A eja vAli muni, jemaNe mane bagalamAM ghAlI AkhA jaMbudvIpane pradakSiNA ApI hatI. hA... pahelAM A gRhasthapaNAmAM hatA tyAre mAre AmanI sAthe yuddha thayeluM. paNa huM emane pahoMcI zakyo nahoto. teo atula balI hatA. mane to maccharanI jema bagalamAM dabAvI dIdho hato. pachI vairAgyavAsita banI sAdhu banI gayA hatA. tyAre meM temane khamAvI dIdhA hatA. paNa atyAre mane pharIthI gusso Avyo. A vAli sAdhu thayo, paNa haju mArA parano DaMkha choDato nathI. sAdhunA veSamAM zetAnanuM kAma kare che. huM vimAnamAM mAre raste cAlato jato hato emAM ene aTakAvavAnI jarUra zI ? paNa huMye kAMi ocho nathI. te vakhate to gaphalatathI mane bagalamAM dabAvI dIdhelo... paNa atyAre to huM pUro satarka chuM. mane aTakAvanArane zI sajA maLe te huM paNa batAvI daiza. huM nIce Utaryo. mArA roma-romamAM bhayaMkara krodha vyApta thai gayo hato. are... huM pote ja krodha banI gayo hato. mArI tAkAta A munine batAvI dauM. AkhA parvata sahita munine dariyAmAM na DUbAvI dauM to mAruM nAma dezamukha nahi. huM gussAmAM bhAna bhUlyo hato. kRSNa lezyAe mArA citta taMtra para kabajo lIdho hato. tame jANatA hazo ke kRSNalezyAvALo jhADa paranA phaLo khAvA icche to mAtra phaLane ja nahi, AkhA jhADane ja toDI pADe. jAMbU khAvA nIkaLelA cha purUSonuM prasiddha dRSTAMta tamane khyAlamAM ja haze ? Atma kathAo * 481

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temAM kRSNalezyAvALAnI vicAraNA yAda che ne ? basa... enA jevo ja huM bahAvaro banyo hato. munine ja nahi, AkhA tIrthane paNa naSTa karavA taiyAra thayo hato. huM dharatI khodIne parvatanI nIce pahoMcyo. AkhA parvatane upADavo zI rIte ? paNa mArI pAse vidyAonuM baLa hatuM. huM enA para mustAka hato. eka hajAra vidyAonuM meM smaraNa karyuM ane mArI pUrI tAkAtathI AkhA parvatane addhara UMcakyo. bhayaMkara khaLabhaLATa macI gayo. ATha yojanano parvata addhara UMcakAya eTale zuM thAya enI tame kalpanA karI zako cho. moTI-moTI zilAo parvata parathI gabaDavA lAgI. paMkhIo mALA choDI cIM... cIM... karatA UDavA lAgyA. hAthI, siMha jevA moTAmoTA prANIo bhayaMkara garjanAo karavA lAgyA. cArebAju hAhAkAra macI gayo. oha ! keTaluM badhuM duSTa kArya ? hakIkatamAM munie mAruM vimAna aTakAvyuM hatuM... paNa emanA tapanA tejathI mAruM vimAna svayaM aTakI gayuM hatuM, paNa huM UMdhuM samajyo hato. mArA jevA utAvaLA ane AMdhaLukiyuM karavAvALA UMdhuM ja samajene ? A bAju vAli muni vicAramAM paDI gayA. are... acAnaka ja vAtAvaraNa azAMta kema banI gayuM? zAMta sarovaramAM paththara koNe nAkhyo? A parvatane koNa halAvI rahyuM che? munie jJAnathI mAruM 'parAkrama' jANyuM. muni vicAramAM paDyA : jo A rAvaNe mArA para ja humalo karyo hota to mAre koi ja pratikAra karavAnI jarUra nahotI. kAraNa ke kSamA e mAro dharma che. je kAMi paNa kaSTa paDe te mATe sahavA joie, paNa A mUrakhAe to AkhA tIrthane paNa DUbADavA mAMDyuM che. atyAre mArAthI upekSA kema thAya ? hajArone tAranArA tIrthanA nAzanI sAme mArAthI AMkha mIMcIne kema besAya ? atyAre to kSamA nahi, paNa pratikAra e mAro dharma che. e jo bhUluM to huM kartavyabhraSTa thayo gaNAuM... vaLI mArI pAse tevI zakti paNa che ja. AvI ja koi vicAraNAthI vAli munie pagano aMgUTho saheja dabAvyo ane tarata ja mArA para bhayaMkara dabANa AvyuM. ATha yojana DuMgarano mAra mArA para khaDakAyo. huM to rADArADa ane cIsAcIsa karavA mAMDyo. lohInI ulaTIo karato karato mAMDa huM parvata Atma kathAo * 482 nIcethI bahAra nIkaLI zakyo. A prasaMge huM khUba ja raDyo hovAthI mAruM nAma paDyuM: 'rAvaNa.' raDe ane raDAve te rAvaNa. barAbarane ? je thayuM hoya te to kahevuM ja paDe ne ? ApavItI kahevA beTho ja chuM to huM AmAM kyAMya jUThuM nahi kahuM. mArI kharAba vAto paNa kahIza ane sArI vAto paNa kahIza. pachI to mane bhayaMkara pazcAttApa thayo. arere.. meM AkhA tIrthane DUbADavAnI ceSTA karI ? anekone tAranArA tIrthane huM DUbADavA cAlyo? bIjA badhA tIrthamAM taravA Ave... paNa huM to tIrthane ja DUbADavA cAlyo. arere..mArA jevo pAmara koNa ? anyasthAnamAM karAyeluM karma tIrthasthAnamAM chUTe, paNa tIrthasthAnamAM karAyeluM mAruM A ghora pApakarma kyAM chUTaze ? huM pazcAttApanI gaMgAmAM snAna karI rahyo. huM vAli muni pAse gayo. temanI pAse bhAvapUrvaka kSamAyAcanA karI paNa teo to kSamAzramaNa hatA. mane to temaNe kyAranIye kSamA ApI ja dIdhI hatI. pazcAttApanI AgamAM baLato huM pachI aSTApadanA maMdiramAM gayo. bharata mahArAjAe banAvelA sonAnA maMdiro ane ratnonI manohara mUrtio joi mAro manano moralo nAcI UThyo. arere... AvA suMdara tIrthane tuM naSTa karavA taiyAra thayo ? tAre marIne javuM che kyAM ? huM manomana mArI jAtane Thapako ApI rahyo. mArI patnI maMdodarI sAthe hatI. ame baMne bhagavAnanI bhaktimAM ekAkAra banI gayA. mArI patnI nRtyamAM bahu ja kuzaLa hatI. huM saMgItamAM niSNAta hato. maMdodarI prabhu samakSa bhAvapUrvaka nRtya karavA lAgI ane huM vINA vagADavA lAgyo. mArA pApone dhovA huM bhaktinI gaMgAmAM snAna karavA lAgyo. huM ananya ane avarNanIya AnaMda anubhavavA lAgyo. paNa oha ! A zuM ? acAnaka ja mArI vINAno eka tAra tUTI gayo. have ? raMgamAM bhaMga ? nA... nA... raMgamAM bhaMga to nathI ja paDavA devo. meM mArI pAse rahelI lAghavI kaLA ajamAvI. enI madadathI mArI jAMghanI eka nasa kheMcI kADhI. vINAmAM joDI dIdhI. nRtya-saMgItabhakti akhaMDa rahI. oha ! zuM ajaba e kSaNa hatI ! mArA dehamAM bhaktino AnaMda samAto nhoto. mArA roma Atma kathAo * 483

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romamAM bhakti jANe romarUpe aMkurita banI hatI. mane vAraMvAra Ama thatuM : zuM huM A AnaMda ekalo mANIza ? jagatanA jIvone duHkhamAM taraphaDatA choDIne huM ekalapaTo banIza ? oha ! jagata kevuM duHkhI che ? duHkha dardathI ekeka jIva ahIM becena ane gamagIna che. mAru cAle to jagatanA tamAma AtmAne sukhI banAvI dauM. mArI aMdara jo zakti AvI jAya to sarva jIvone mArA AnaMdamAM bhAgIdAra banAvuM. mAruM hRdaya pokArI rahyuM hatuM : o jagatanA jIvo ! zA mATe duHkhI banIne bhaTakI rahyA cho ? Avo... ahIM Avo. amRtanA phuvArAmAM snAna karo. prabhunuM zAsana amRtano phuvAro che, zAMtinuM maMdira che, AnaMdano mahAsAgara che. jagatamAM A vidyamAna hoya chatAM tamAre duHkhI rahevuM paDe ? davA hoya chatAM dardathI pIDAvuM paDe ? anna hoya chatAM bhUkhyA rahevuM paDe ? pANI hoya chatAM tarasyA rahevuM paDe ? paramAtmAnuM zAsana vidyamAna hoya chatAM du:khI rahevuM paDe ? hada thai gai. mArA roma-romamAM jagatanA sarva jIvone tAravAnI adamya jhaMkhanA pragaTI. meM te vakhate evo AnaMda anubhavyo ke Aje paNa huM bhUlI zakato nathI. e AnaMda zabdAtIta hato. zabdomAM samAvI zakAya tevo nhoto. vAmaNA zabdonI zI tAkAta ke e mArA AnaMdane samAvI zake ? mArI bhakti joi tyAM darzana mATe Avelo dharaNendra khuza thai gayo. huM maMdiramAMthI bahAra nIkaLyo tyAre mane kahyuM : bola tAre zuM joie che ? je joie te ApavA huM taiyAra chuM. paNa mane zuM joie ? bhagavAnanI bhaktithI mane eTalI tRpti thai hatI ke AkhuM jagata tuccha lAgatuM hatuM. meM dharaNendrane ghasIne nA pADI dIdhI. mAre kAMi ja joituM nathI. chatAM teNe mane amogha devadarzana' kahIne viziSTa vidyAo ApI. tame mArA vyaktitvanA be virodhI cheDA joyAne ? aSTApadane upADIne pheMkavA taiyAra thanAra paNa huM ane bhagavAnanI bhakti khAtara zarIramAMthI nasa kheMcI kADhanAra paNa huM ! mAruM vyaktitva kevuM virodhAbhAsI che ? huM maryo tyAM sudhI AvA be virodhI aMtimo mArA jIvanamAM thatA rahyA. ghaNIvAra mane evuM lAge che ke mANasa majabUra che. kAMi enA Atma kathAo * 484 hAthamAM nathI ! potAnI bhavitavyatA ane karma jema karAve tema tene karavuM paDe che. kaThapUtaLInI jema nAcavuM paDe che. nahi to mArA jevo prabhubhakta ATalo kalaMkita kema bane ? gharamAM aneka rUpavatI strIo hovA chatAM paranArImAM Asakta kema bane ? paNa bhavitavyatAnI AjJAo bhalabhalAne paNa svIkAravI paDe che. mArA jIvananI sauthI dhanya kSaNa aSTApada para je meM bhakti karI hatI te hatI. pAchaLathI mane jANavA maLyuM ke tenA kAraNe meM tIrthaMkara nAmakarma bAMdhyuM hatuM ! A vAta jANavA maLatAM ja huM AnaMdathI nAcI UThyo hato. huM bhale game tevo houM, paNa bhagavAna banIne mokSamAM javAno chuM. A mAruM ochuM saubhAgya che ? meru parvatanA caityo, bIjA zAzvatA caityo, aSTApada tIrtha vagerenI meM ghaNIvAra yAtrA karI che, ghaNIvAra prabhu-bhakti paNa karI che, paNa mane te vakhate aSTApada para jevo AnaMda Avyo tevo kadIye Avyo nathI. have mArA jIvananA uttarArdhanA tabakkAnI keTalIka vAta karuM. e karatAM pahelAM mAre rAmanI vAta karavI paDaze. mArI vAtamAM rAmanI vAta lAvavI ja paDe ane rAmanI vAtamAM mane paNa lAvavo ja paDe ! rAmane to tame jANatA ja hazo ? ayodhyAnA rAjA dazarathanA e putra ! lakSmaNa, zatrughna, bharata e traNa enA bhAi ! eka vakhate gharaDA mANasane joine dazarathane saMsAra choDI sAdhu banavAnA bhAva jAgyA. e mATe moTA dIkarA rAmane rAjya soMpavAnI taiyArI karI. A vAtanI khabara paDatAM maMtharAthI prerAyelI kaikeyIe dazaratha pAse pUrve rAkhI mUkelA be varadAna mAMgyA. eka varadAnathI teNe sItA-lakSmaNa sahita rAma 14 varSa sudhI vanamAM jAya ane bIjA varadAnathI bharatane rAjyagAdI maLe - evuM mAMgyuM. satya pratijJAvALA dazarathe te kabUla rAkhyA. vinayI rAme te pALyA. rAma, sItA ane lakSmaNa vananI vATe saMcaryA. eka vakhate daMDakAraNyamAM teo rahelA hatA tyAre be cAraNamunio tyAM padhAryA. sItAe bhAvapUrvaka bhikSA ApI. AthI devoe sugaMdhI jaLa vagere paMcavRSTi karI. tenI sugaMdhathI eka gIdha tyAM Avyo. enuM nAma Atma kathAo * 485

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hatuM : jaTAyu. munionI dezanA sAMbhaLI tene jAtismaraNa jJAna thayuM ane te dhArmika banI rAma-sItA sAthe rahevA lAgyo. eka vakhate phaLa levA mATe lakSmaNa bahAra gayelo tyAre teNe eka tejasvI talavAra joi ane kutUhalathI grahaNa karI. tenI dhAranI parIkSA mATe teNe bAjumAM rahelI vAMsanI jhADI para talavAra calAvI. phaTAka... karatI jhADI to kapAi gai, paNa sAthe-sAthe koikanuM mAthuM paNa kapAi gayuM. lakSmaNane pastAvo thayo : arere... koi bicArA nirdoSanI hatyA mArAthI thai gai. lakSmaNe rAmane vAta karI. rAme kahyuM : lakSmaNa ! A sUryahAsa talavAra che. enI sAdhanA karanAra koi sAdhakanI te hatyA karI che. jo sAdhaka che to ahIM koi uttarasAdhaka paNa hovo joie. kapAi janAra mANasa bIjo koi nahi, paNa mAro ja bhANeja zaMbUka hato. mArI bena caMdraNakhA; jene meM khera sAthe paraNAvI hatI teno e putra ! mArI bena caMdraNakhA tyAM AvI pahoMcI. putranuM kapAyeluM mAthuM joi te dhruske-dhruske raDI paDI : are... beTA zaMbUka ! tuM kyAM che ? tuM kyAM che ? koNe tane haNyo ? arere... caMdraNakhAe tyAM lakSmaNanA pagalAM joyA. teNIne thayuM : A ja mArA putrano hatyAro lAge che. te tenA pagale-pagale cAlatI rAma-sItA ane lakSmaNa jyAM rahelA hatA tyAM AvI pahoMcI. paNa jyAM manohara rUpavALA rAmane joyA tyAM ja caMdraNakhAne kAma jAgyo. vidyAzaktithI teNe potAnuM rUpa suMdara banAvI rAma pAse anicchanIya mAMgaNI karI. rAme majAka karatAM kahyuM : bena ! mArI pAse to sItA che eTale mane jarUra nathI. A lakSmaNa patnI vagarano che enI pAse tuM jA. lakSmaNa pAse jatAM teNe kahyuM : bena ! tuM pahelAM mArA moTA bhAi pAse jaI AvI eTale have tuM mArA mATe pUjanIya banI gai. have evI vAta karavI paNa zobhe nahi. caMdraNakhA rAma-lakSmaNanI cAlAkI samajI gai. potAnI uDADelI ThekaDI enAthI chAnI na rahI. putranA vadhathI ane potAnI majAkathI te saLagI UThI. teNe kharane badhI vAta karI. cauda hajAra vidyAdharonI sAthe khara rAma-lakSmaNane khatama karavA dhasI Avyo. lakSmaNa bahu vinayI hato. huM beTho hoUM ne moTA bhAine yuddha mATe javuM paDe te sAruM na kahevAya. evA vicArathI teNe rAmane kahyuM : "A yuddhamAM mane javA do." rAme kahyuM : vatsa ! jA. tAro jaya thAva. paNa jo saMkaTa jevuM jaNAya to siMhanAda karaje. huM tarata ja tArI madade AvI pahoMcIza. lakSmaNa khara sAthe yuddha karavA pahoMcI gayo. eka bAju cauda hajAra ane bIjI bAju ekalo lakSmaNa ! jaMga joradAra jAmI paDyo. yuddha cAlu ja hatuM tyAre ja caMdraNakhA mArI pAse AvI ane mane ADA mArge lai gai. kaikeyIe rAmano itihAsa badalAvyo. to caMdraNakhAe mAro itihAsa badalAvI dIdho. strIo kharekhara gajabanI hoya che. caMdraNakhAe mane kahyuM : rAma-lakSmaNa daMDakAraNyamAM AvyA che. temaNe tamArA bhANiyAne mArI nAkhyo che. emane haju khabara nathI ke maranArano mAmo rAvaNa che. mArA pati sAthe atyAre lakSmaNane bhayaMkara yuddha cAlI rahyuM che. rAma sItA sAthe ArAmathI jhUMpaDImAM beThA che ane bhAi ! eka mahattvanI vAta kahuM ? rAmanI gharavALI sItA to eTalI rUpALI che eTalI rUpALI che ke duniyAnI badhI strIo enI pAse pANI bhare, manuSya strIonI vAta javA do, devAMganAonuM paNa AvuM rUpa nahi hoya bhAi ! A traNa khaMDanI dharatI para je koi ratna hoya, tenI mAlikI tArI gaNAya. A strIratnano paNa tuM ja hakkadAra che. tArA ja aMtaHpuramAM e zobhe tevI che. jaMgalamAM rakhaDatA rAmanI jhuMpaDImAM to e bhUlathI bharAi paDI che. enuM sthAna sonAnI laMkAmAM joie. to bhAi ! vidhAtAnI ATalI bhUla tuM sudhArI le. jo tuM sItAne tArI rANI banAve to ja kharo made ! to ja kharo rAvaNa ! jo tuM ATaluMya na karI zake to huM samajIza ke mAro bhAi dekhAvamAM ja baLavAna che, aMdarathI to bAyelo che, kAyara che.' mane teNe barAbara pANI caDAvyuM. mArA darSa ane kaMdarpa baMne uttejita thAya te rIte AkhI vAtane raju karI. Ameya huM kAmI ane mAnI hato ja, temAMya AvA mANaso maLI jAya pachI joie ja zuM? Atma kathAo * 487 Atma kathAo * 486

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meM manomana sItAnuM haraNa karI mArI rANI banAvavAno nirNaya karI ja lIdho. mAtra nirNaya ja nahi, tene tarata amalamAM paNa mUkI dIdho. puSpaka vimAnamAM besI huM tarata ja rAma pAse AvI pahoMcyo. paNa rAmanuM teja eTaluM jhaLahaLI rahyuM hatuM ke huM tenI pAse javAnI hiMmata karI zakyo nahi. meM 'avalokanI' vidyAne yAda karI. nabaLo mANasa bIjuM zuM kare ? vidyAnA sahAre kAma karavuM e kharekhara to nabaLAi ja gaNAya. sattvazALI mANasa to potAnI zakti para mustAka hoya. paNa parastrI-laMpaTamAM sattva kyAMthI hoya ? avalokanI vidyA tarata ja dAsInI jema hAtha joDI UbhI rahI. meM kahyuM : mAre sItAnuM haraNa karavuM che. tuM mane sahAya kara. vidyAe kahyuM : zeSanAganA mAthAmAMthI ratna lai zakAya, paNa rAma pAse beThelI sItA na lai zakAya. tArAthI nahi, devo-dAnavothI paNa na lai zakAya. paNa hA... eka upAya che. e jo lakSmaNa pAse jAya ane sItA ekalI paDI jAya to haraNa karI zakAya. lakSmaNa sAthe Ameya siMhanAdano saMketa thayelo ja che. to huM dUra jai lakSmaNanA jevo ja siMhanAda karIza. ethI rAma lakSmaNanI madade jaze ane tuM tAruM kAma patAvI deje. mane A yojanA gamI gai. tarata ja amalamAM mUkI saphaLatA paNa maLI gai. rAma-lakSmaNane bacAvavA gayA ane tarata ja meM sItAne puSpaka vimAnamAM besADI vimAna haMkArI mUkyuM. sItA raDatI rahI : he nAtha ! he rAma ! he lakSmaNa ! he bhAmaMDaLa ! mane bacAvo. A kAgaDA jevo koi mANasa mAruM apaharaNa karI rahyo che. meM sItAne chAnI rAkhavA kahyuM : sItA ! raDa nahi. huM traNa khaMDano svAmI rAvaNa chuM. have tuM raste rakhaDatA rAmanI nahi, paNa rAjA rAvaNanI patnI thavAnI che. have raDavAnuM hoya ? have to AnaMdanA divaso AvyA. jaMgalamAM rakhaDavAno vakhata gayo. sonAnI laMkAmAM vilAsa karavAno samaya Avyo. paNa mArI koi ja asara tenA para thai nahi. e to raDatI ja rahI... UlaTuM... vadhu ne vadhu raDavA lAgI. huM tyAre samajyo ke e to zarUAtamAM badhAne snehIonI yAda Ave. hamaNAM thoDo samaya raDaze. pachI potAnI meLe ThekANuM paDI jaze... strIomAM anukUlana zakti khUba ja hoya che. game Atma kathAo - 488 tevA viparIta vAtAvaraNamAM paNa potAnI jAtane anukULa karI le che. mane tyAre khabara nahotI ke A koi sAmAnya strI nathI. paNa tyAre to huM mArA madamAM ja pUro hato. keTalIye strIonA pANI utArI dIdhA che. to sItA vaLI koNa ? mArI magarUrI gajabanI hatI. ... ... .... .... mAruM vimAna AgaLa dhapI rahyuM hatuM. tyAM ja eka gharaDo gIdha (jaTAyu) pratikAra karavA AvI pahoMcyo. 'putrI ! raDa nahi. huM tane bacAvuM chuM. are nizAcara ! sItAne choDI de. nahi to bhAre thai jaze.' Ama bolato jaTAyu to mArA para tUTI paDyo. mArA kapaDA phADI nAkhI chAtImAM cAMco mAravA lAgyo. eka paMkhInI A hiMmata joi huM stabdha banI gayo. mArA jevAne paMkhI cAMca mAre ? huM ukaLyo. hAthamAM caMdrahAsa talavAra lIdhI. re gharaDA gIdha ! have tuM jIvanathI kaMTALI gayo lAge che. le... leto jA... ne meM phaTa... daine tenI baMne pAMkho talavArathI kApI nAkhI. pAMkha vihoNo lohI-luhANa thayelo jaTAyu nIce paDyo. jaTAyunI japhA dUra thai tyAM vaLI eka vidyAdhara Avyo. sItAnA bhAi bhAmaMDaLano te sevaka hato. te mArI pAse jematema bolavA mAMDyo. paNa huM kAMi tenuM sAMbhaLuM ? mArI zaktio para huM magarUra hato : kadAca brahmA AvIne mane samajAve toya huM samajuM tema nhoto to A bApaDo vidyAdhara vaLI kai vADIno mULo ? tene vadhu kAMi sajA na karatAM meM tenI vidyAo harI lIdhI ne te kapAyelI pAMkhavALA paMkhInI jema dharatI para DhaLI paDyo. pachI nirvighne huM laMkA pahoMcyo. sItAne azoka-vATikAmAM rAkhI. hA... mAre pratijJA hatI ke parastrI icche nahi to tenI sAthe mAre viSayasevana karavuM nahi. huM game tevo hato... chatAM mArI pratijJAmAM aTaLa hato. jiMdagInA aMta sudhI meM A pratijJA pALI che. sItAnI saMbhALa rAkhavAnuM kAma meM trijaTAne soMpyuM. A bAju rAma-lakSmaNe sItAnI zodhakhoLa prAraMbhI. mAre guNagrAhaka dRSTie kahevuM joie ke kharekhara rAma gajabano mANasa hato. pote sItAnA Atma kathAo * 489

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apaharaNathI bhayaMkara duHkhI hovA chatAM potAnuM kAma paDatuM mUkI bIjAnA kAma mATe doDyA che. zaraNe AvelAno to kharekhara te tAraNahAra hato. meM je caMdrodarane mArI pAtAla laMkAnuM rAjya mArA banevI kharane apAvyuM hatuM, te rAjya rAme caMdrodaranA dIkarA virAdhane apAvyuM. tamane yAda haze ke caMdrodaranA mRtyu vakhate tenI garbhavatI rANI kyAMka nAsI gai hatI. teno je putra te pote virAdha. vaLI kiSkindhAno adhipati sugrIva paNa eka bhayaMkara musIbatamAM phasAyo hato. sAhasagati nAmanA vidyAdhare sugrIvanI suMdara patnI tArA para mohita thai tene bhogavAvanI icchAthI sugrIvanuM ja rUpa-banAvI rAjamahelamAM ghusI gayo. AthI sAco sugrIva khUba ja muzkelImAM mukAyo. potAnA ja sainiko ane potAnA ja maMtrIoputro vagere viparIta thai gayA. AthI teNe zarUmAM mArA zaraNe AvavAnuM vicAryuM, paNa mArI kAmalolupatA te jANato hato. AthI te Akhare virAdhanA mAdhyame rAmanA zaraNe gayo. rAme khoTA sugrIva (sAhasagati vidyAdhara)ne haNI sugrIvane kiSkindhAnuM rAjya apAvyuM. AthI te badhA rAmanA jIgarajAna dosto banI gayA ane pelo pavanaMjayano parAkramI putra hanumAna; eka vakhatano mAro sevaka, te paNa rAmabhakta banI gayo. mAruM jIvane vAMcIne tame preraNA lejo ke jo tame unmArge jazo to tamArA dosta paNa duzmana banI jaze ane jo tame sanmArge hazo to duzmana paNa dosta banI jaze. mArA ja tAbAnA rAjAo, mArA ja sevako Aje mArI UMdhAinA kAraNe mArA zatruo banI gayA hatA. virAdha, bhAmaMDala, jAMbuvAna, hanumAna, nIla, nala, sugrIva vagere keTalAya vidyAdhara rAjAo rAmanA sevaka banI gayA. mArA mATe A moTI lapaDAka hatI. mane AnA AchA-pAtaLA samAcAra maLatA paNa huM mArA baLa para magarUra hato. jaTAyu tathA pelA vidyAdhara dvArA emane badhAne khabara to paDI ja gai hatI ke sItAne coranAra huM chuM. paNa sItA pAse kone mokalavo te savAla hato. Akhare sugrIvanI salAhathI hanumAna para pasaMdagI utArI. te rAmanI vIMTI lai laMkAnA azokavanamAM AvI pahoMcyo. teNe zizapanA Atma kathAo * 490 jhADa nIce sItAne joi. sItAnI AMkhamAM AMsu hatA. moTuM jJAna hatuM. mukhamAMthI nIkaLatA rAma... rAma... rAma... nA zabdo saMbhaLAI rahyA hatA. hanumAne jhADa parathI ja rAmanI vIMTI sItAnA khoLAmAM pheMkI. sItA camakI. A zuM? mArA patidevanI vIMTI kyAMthI ? enuM mukha malakI UThyuM. enA roma-romamAM AnaMda chavAi gayo. ekavIsa divasamAM Aje pahelI vAra enA caherA para prasannatAnI surakhI laherAi. trijaTAe sItAnI A prasannatA joi ane tarata te mArI pAse doDI AvI ane kahyuM : deva ! sItA Aje AnaMdamAM che. lAge che ke have te rAmane bhUlI gaI che, ApanA viSe anurAgI banI che. Apa atyAre "kaMika' karo. tarata ja kAma patI jAya. sItAnA AnaMdanuM sAcuM kAraNa huM jANato nhoto. mUDha hato. trijaTAnI vAta meM sAcI mAnI lIdhI. sItAne samajAvavA meM tarata ja maMdodarIne mokalI. maMdodarI mArI vaphAdAra patnI hatI. mane sukhI karavA te badhuM ja karI chUTavA taiyAra hatI. maMdodarIe sItAne kahyuM : sItA o sItA ! bena ! jarA mArI vAta sAMbhaLa. jo mArA patideva rAvaNa rUpa ane aizvaryamAM advitIya che ke tuM rUpamAM advitIya che. jo ke vidhAtAnI bhUlathI tamArA lagna thai zakyA nahi, paNa kAMi vAMdho nahi. haju paNa vidhAtAnI bhUla sudhArI le, tuM rAvaNane pati tarIke svIkArI le. mAruM paTTarANIpada tane ApIza. huM ane ame bIjI rANIo dAsInI jema tArI sevA karIzuM. A sAMbhaLatAM ja sItAno cahero vikarALa thai gayo. AMkho kADhIne teNe maMdodarIne kahyuM : o pApiNI ! patinuM dUtya karanArI ! tArA dhaNInI jema tAruM moDhuM jovAmAM paNa pApa che. huM rAmanI chuM ne rAmanI ja rahevAnI chuM e tuM vajanA akSare tArA magajamAM lakhI nAkha. hamaNAM ja mArA pati rAma, lakSmaNa vagerenI sAthe AvyA ja samaja. khara vagerenI jema tArA dhaNInuM paNa mAthuM kapAyuM ja samaja ! mArA rAmanI pAse na kuMbhakarNa TakI zakaze, na meghanAda TakI zakaze ke na tAro dhaNI rAvaNa TakI zakaze. mane samajAvavA AvI che tenA karatAM tArA dhaNIne samajAva ne ! tuM to mahAsatI che. mahAsatInA du:khane tuM samajI zake che. Atma kathAo * 491

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tuM ja vicAra : tArA dhaNIe karyuM che te barAbara che ? pArakA bairAne uThAvI javA e keTaluM adhama kArya che? tuM strI thaine paNa ATalI vAta nathI samajatI ? mane to bahu navAi lAge che. mArI sAme tuM zuM joi rahI che ? UTha... UTha... jaladI UTha... pApiNI ! havethI tAruM moTuM mane batAvIza nahi. sItAnI AkrozabharI vANI sAMbhaLI maMdodarI vilakhI banI jatI hatI. have hanumAne jhADa parathI nIce UtarI sItAne badhA samAcAra ApyA. atyAra sudhI sItAe anAjano kaNa paNa lIdho hoto. hanumAnanA AgrahathI sItAe ekavIsa upavAsanuM pAraNuM karyuM. potAnuM kAma pUruM karIne have hanumAne toDaphoDa zarU karI. mAro Akho bagIco ujjaDa banAvI dIdho. udyAna-pAlakoe mane A khabara ApI. meM sainikone mokalyA. paNa A to hanumAna ! badhA sainikono teNe ekalA hAthe lotha vALI dIdho. A samAcAra maLatAM huM ekadama gusse bharAyo. meM mArA parAkramI putra indrajitune tyAM mokalyo. kharekhara mArA putre tarata ja kAma karI ApyuM. hanumAnane te jIvato pakaDI lAvyo. paNa hanumAne to kamAla karI. phaTAka... karatA doraDA teNe toDI nAkhyA. ne kUdako mArI mArA mugaTane lAta mArI toDI nAkhI vIjaLInI jema AkAzamAM UDI gayo. have mane samajAyuM ke indrajite hanumAnane pakaDyo hoto, paNa hanumAna jAte ja pakaDAyo hato. kadAca e amAruM baLa jovA mAMgato hato ane potAnuM baLa amane batAvavA mAMgato hato. hanumAne jatAM-jatAM paNa bhAre tophAna macAvyuM. mArI nagarI laMkAmAM paganA prahArothI teNe keTalIye imArato dharAzAyI karI nAkhI. thoDI ja kSaNomAM cArebAju hAhAkAra macAvI dIdho. huM hataprabha thaine A badhuM joI rahyo. mArA gussAno pAra na rahyo. paNa huM gusso ThAlavuM kyAM ? huM "mAro... mAro... pakaDo... pakaDo...' bolato rahyo ne pelo to hAhAkAra macAvIne cAlato thayo. mArI jiMdagImAM A paheluM apamAna hatuM. indrane harAvanAro, aSTApadane upADanAro, caMdrodarane cagadI nAkhanAro huM hanumAna pAse hataprabha banI gayo. hanumAnathI thayeluM A apamAna kharekhara mArA patanano pUrvasaMketa hato, paNa huM te vakhate samajI na zakyo. Atma kathAo * 492 abhimAnathI huM AMdhaLo banelo hato. AMdhaLAne dekhAya kyAMthI ? have mane samAcAro maLavA lAgyA ke rAma laMkA tarapha AvI rahyo che. huM vicArato hato ke dariyo oLaMgIne te Avaze zI rIte ? paNa rAme to kamAla karI ! dariyAmAM pula banAvIne te AvI pahoMcyo. haMsadvIpamAM potAnI lazkarI chAvaNI nAkhIne rAme laMkAne ghero ghAlyo. AkhI laMkAmAM halacala macI gai. jo ke mane ja nahi, nagaranA tamAma lokone vizvAsa hato ke rAvaNa eTale rAvaNa ! rAvaNa kadI hAre ja nahi. indrane pAMjarAmAM pUranAro ne soma, yama, varuNa, kuberane keda karanAro rAvaNa rAmathI zI rIte hAre ? badhAne mArA vijaya para pUrNa vizvAsa hato, paNa mAro nAno bhAI vibhISaNa, ene mArA patananI nobatanA sUro spaSTa saMbhaLAyA. e mArI pAse Avyo ne kahevA lAgyo : vaDIlabaMdhu ! huM joke nAno bhAI chuM, Apane kAMi paNa kahevA mATe huM anadhikArI chuM, chatAM Aje kahevAnI icchA huM rokI zakato nathI. rAma lazkara sahita AvelA che te potAnI patnInI mAMgaNI karI rahelA che. emanI mAMgaNI vAjabI che. Ape sItA emane ApI devI joie.' sItA ? huM rAmane soMpI dauM ? alyA vibhalA ! AvI hIjaDA jevI vAto kAM kare ?' huM barADI UThyo. 'rAma ane lakSmaNanI tAkAtanI vAta javA do. eka hanumAnanI ja vAta lo ne ! enI tAkAta to Ape hamaNAM ja joine ! hanumAnane paNa Apa pahoMcI zakyA nahi to rAmane kema pahoMcazo ?' 'vibhalA ! tuM babaDATa baMdha kara. konAmAM keTalI tAkAta che enI khabara to yuddha medAnamAM thaze. bAyalA jevI vAto baMdha kara.' bAyalA jevI vAto nathI, huM to vAstavikatA samajAvI rahyo chuM.' 'rAmanA camacA vibhalA ! bhAgI jA ahIMthI, tuM paNa zatrunA pakSano ja lAge che. have mane kadI tAruM moM batAvIza nahi. jenuM khAya che tenuM ja khode che?" ekadama khIjAyo. bocI pakaDI vibhISaNane kADhI mUkyo. AthI vibhISaNa rAmanA zaraNe gayo. mAro sago bhAI jatAM laMkAmAM Thera-Thera A carcA thatI rahI. ghaNAne lAgyuM ke rAvaNanI A moTI bhUla Atma kathAo * 493

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che. sagAbhAine zatrunA pakSamAM hAthe karIne javA devo evI bhUla DAhyo mANasa kadI kare nahi. paNa mane koie vAta karI nahi. kare paNa koNa ? konA dA'DA UThyA che te mane koi zikhAmaNa Ape ? siMhane koNa kahe ke tAruM moM gaMdhAya che ? have kharAkharIno khela zarU thayo. zrI munisuvrata svAmInI pUjA karI yuddhe caDyo. hA... AvA avasare paNa huM bhagavAnane bhUlyo nhoto. have huM yuddha medAnamAM Avyo. rastAmAM thayelA apazukanane gaNakAryA nahi. lAkho sainiko baMne pakSe sajja hatA. nAkhI najara na pahoMce eTalA sainiko hatA. jANe mANasono dariyo joi lo ! raNaziMgA phUMkAyA. bhayaMkara yuddha zarU thayuM. dhaDAdhaDa mAthAo kapAvA lAgyA. dhaDo nAcavA lAgyA. lohInI nadIo vahevA lAgI. rAmano izAro thatAM ja hanumAna vageree evo sapATo macAvyo ke mArA sainyamAM keTalAya kapAi mUvA to bacelA sainiko bhAgavA mAMDyA. mAruM sainya veravikhera thatuM joi, meM kuMbhakarNa ane indrajitne izAro karyo. teo bhayaMkara jussA sAthe rAmanA sainya para tUTI paDyA. baMne baLiyAoe evo sapATo bolAvyo ke rAmanuM lazkara bhAgavA mAMDyuM. huM utsAhamAM AvI gayo. 'zAbAza... zAbAza... Age baDho.' sainikono utsAha vadhAravA huM nArA lagAvato rahyo. kuMbhakarNano sAmano karavA sugrIve moTI zilA tenA tarapha pheMkI. paNa kuMbhakarNa konuM nAma ? gadAnA eka ja prahArathI zilAnA TUkaDe-TUkaDA karI nAkhyA. eTaluM ja nahi paNa te to sugrIva tarapha ekadama dhasI gayo. gadAno joradAra prahAra karI sugrIvane pADI dIdho ne bagalamAM nAkhI kuMbhakarNa bhAgyo. AthI mAro putra meghanAda khUba ja hoMzamAM AvI gayo. bhayaMkara bANa-varSAthI rAmanA sainyano khurado bolAvI nAkhyo. AthI rAma-lakSmaNa ekadama UkaLI UThyA. kuMbhakarNanI sAme ane indrajitnI sAme goThavAi gayA. pelo sugrIva to jabaro nIkaLyo. baLa lagAvIne kuMbhakarNanI bagalamAMthI chaTakI gayo. have rAma-lakSmaNa jhaMjhAvAtI yuddha khelI rahyA hatA. jotajotAmAM emaNe kuMbhakarNa ane indrajitne pakaDI lIdhA. have mArAthI na rahevAyuM. huM have hAthI para besI yuddha medAnanI Atma kathAo * 494 mokhare dhasI Avyo. rastAmAM keTalAya zatruonuM kaccaraghANa vALI nAkhyuM. mArI sAme laDavA rAma Avato'to, paNa tene aTakAvIne lakSmaNa mArI sAme laDavA Avyo. mane AmAM mAruM apamAna lAgyuM. mArI sAme laDavA lakSmaNa Ave ? nAno bhAi Ave ? paNa game te hoya. mAre to laDavuM ja hatuM ne ? ame baMne sAma-sAmA AvI gayA. tenI sAthe thoDI ja vAra yuddha karyA pachI mane lAgyuM ke A baMdo mArAthI jarAya Utare evo to nathI ja. baLamAM ja nahi, kaLamAM paNa te AgaLa hato. meM jeTalA zastro pheMkyA, badhAnuM te barAbara nirAkaraNa karato rahyo. have sAMja thavA AvI hatI. lakSmaNane mAravA huM adhIro banyo hato. mArA bIjA zastro bekAra banyA hatA. eTale meM zakti zastrane yAda karyuM. A zastra evuM che ke jene lAge tenA prANa AvatA sUryodaya pahelAM to lai ja le. meM tenA para jorathI zakti choDI. jorathI chAtImAM vAgatAM lakSmaNa mUcchita banIne tyAM ja DhaLI paDyo. rAma-chAvaNImAM hAhAkAra macI gayo. rAma paNa lakSmaNanI A dazA joi mUcchita banI gayo. tarata ja rAma-lakSmaNane temanA sainikoe gherI lIdhA. huM mArA sthAne pahoMcyo. have huM AnaMdamAM hato. kAraNa ke zaktinA prahArathI lakSmaNa marI ja jaze ne tenA virahathI rAma paNa marI javAno che. have baMdA jItyA. huM manomana harakhAi rahyo. paNa A mAro bhrama che, evI tyAre khabara nhotI. A bAju rAma-chAvaNImAM gherI ciMtA pharI vaLI. lakSmaNane motanA mukhamAMthI kai rIte bacAvavo e ja emano mukhya prazna hato. tyAM bhAmaMDaLane koi vidyAdhare salAha ApI : ayodhyAthI bAra yojana dUra kautukamaMgaLa nAmanA nagaramAM droNadhana nAmano rAjA che. tyAM kaikeyInA bhAinI putrI vizalyA nAmanI kanyA che. tenA snAnanA pANIno jo lakSmaNane sparza karAvavAmAM Ave to zaktinuM zalya te ja kSaNe nIkaLI jAya. paNa A kAma sUryodaya pahelAM thavuM joie. nahi to jIvananI koi AzA nathI. bhAmaMDaLe A vAta potAnA banevI rAmane karI. rAme A kAma tene ane hanumAnane soMpyuM. baMne jaNA vimAnamAM besI rAtorAta ayodhyA gayA. madhura saMgItathI bharatane jagADyo ne badhI vAta karI. Atma kathAo * 495

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meM jorathI ghumAvI lakSmaNa tarapha pheMkyuM ! paNa Azcarya ! A dAva paNa mAro niSphaLa gayo. te cakra lakSmaNanI chAtImAM dhAravALI bAjuthI nahi, paNa cAM athaDAyuM. lakSmaNe tarata ja te hAthamAM pakaDI lIdhuM. jorathI ghumAvIne mArA para ja choDyuM ! mAruM cakra ja mArA prANa levA AvI pahoMcyuM ! meM tene rokavA ghaNA dhamapachADA karyA, paNa cakra to dhasamasatuM AvI ja pahoMcyuM ! eka ja kSaNamAM mAruM mAthuM kapAine dharatI para paDyuM. bhayaMkara vedanA sAthe mAruM dhaDa paNa dharatI para DhaLI paDyuM. te ja kSaNe marIne huM narakamAM cAlyo gayo. mArA jevA raudradhyAnInI sArI gati kyAMthI hoya? karuNAtitApUrvaka mArA jIvanano adhyAya pUro thayo. mAruM jIvana saMdezo Ape che ke - unmArge cAlazo to aDhaLaka zakti ane apAra puNya hovA chatAM kamote maravuM paDaze ne apayazano Topalo vahoravo paDaze. bharata paNa A kAma mATe vimAnamAM beTho. bharate droNadhana pAse vizalyAnI mAMgaNI karI. droNadhane lakSmaNa sAthe lagnapUrvaka eka hajAra strInI sAthe vizalyA bharatane soMpI. bhAmaMDale bharatane ayodhyAmAM mUkI parivAra sAthe vizalyAne vimAnamAM sAthe lIdhI. jhagArA mAratuM dUrathI vimAna AvI rahyuM hatuM tyAre rAmanA sainikone lAgyuM : vAta hAthamAMthI gai. sUryodaya thato lAge che. vimAnanA tejamAM temane sUryodayano bhrama thayo, paNa vimAna jyAM najIka AvyuM tyAM tarata ja bhrama bhAMgI gayo. vizalyAe mUcchita lakSmaNane jyAM hAtha lagADyo tyAM ja zakita bhAgI chUTI ! jANe lAkaDI mAratAM nAgaNa bhAgI ! vizalyAnA snAnanA pANI vaDe lazkaranA bIjA sainikone paNa zalyamukta karavAmAM AvyA. ahIM mAre rAmanA eka viziSTa guNano khAsa ullekha karavo paDaze. A vakhate rAme kahyuM : A pANI vaDe kuMbhakarNa vagere zatru-sainyane paNa zalyamukta rogamukta banAvo. oha ! rAmanA haiye kevI udAratA hatI ? kyAM huM ne kyAM rAma ? paraMtu rAmane jaNAvavAmAM AvyuM ke kuMbhakarma vageree to vairAgyavAsita banI te ja vakhate jAte ja dIkSA lai lIdhI che. oha ! ema vAta che? to to e badhAne choDI mUko. have e ApaNA baMdI nathI. e to vaMdanIya mahAtmA che. rAmanA AvA AdezathI kuMbhakarNa vagerene choDI mUkavAmAM AvyA. lakSmaNe eka hajAra kanyAo ane vizalyA sAthe lagna karyA. mane A badhA samAcAra maLI cUkyA hatA, paNa haju huM AzAvAdI hato. game te rIte mane jIta to maLaze ja. AvA khyAlamAM huM rAcI rahyo hato. savAra thatAM ja huM yuddha mATe nIkaLI paDyo. apazukano Dagalepagale thatA hatA. paNa ema apazukanathI DarIne besI jAuM to rAvaNa zAno ? huM to hiMmatapUrvaka nIkaLI ja paDyo. yuddha medAnamAM huM ane lakSmaNa sAmasAme jaMge caDyA. huM navA navA zastro tenA tarapha pheMkato rahyo ne te saphaLatApUrvaka dare ka zastrane niSphaLa banAvato rahyo. A joine mAro gusso vadhato jato hato. have huM bahAvaro banyo hato. sauthI chelle zastra meM yAda karyuM - cakra ! yAda karatAM ja te mArA hAthamAM AvI paDyuM! Atma kathAo * 496 Atma kathAo * 497

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(58) huM kAviThaka mAruM nAma drAviDa. mArA pitAjInuM nAma draviDa hatuM eTale mAruM nAma drAviDa paDyuM. mArA nAnA bhAinuM nAma vArikhila. eka divasa pitAe saMsArano tyAga karI sAdhanAno mArga svIkAryo. ame baMne bhAio rAjya mATe jhagaDI na paDIe mATe mArA pitAe saMsAra-tyAga pahelAM ja badhI vyavasthA karI dIdhI hatI. mithilAnuM rAjya mane ApyuM ane eka lAkha gAmonuM rAjya nAnA bhAi vArikhilane ApyuM. pitAjIne ema ke A rIte vibhAgIkaraNa karavAthI baMne saMpIne raheze. koine ochuM-vadhu maLyuM tevI baLatarA nahi thAya, paNa dhAryuM koinuM thayuM che ? mArA pitAjInI AzA ThagArI nIkaLI. Akhare thavAnuM hatuM te thaine ja rahyuM. amArA baMne vacce irSyAnA taNakhA jharavA lAgyA. nAnA hatA tyAre ame baMne premathI rahetA hatA, irSyA kone kahevAya, te paNa jANatA nhotA, hA... kyAreka jhagaDI paDatA... paNa pAchA premathI sAthe ramavA paNa maMDI jatA. tyAre amAruM nirdoSa jIvana hatuM...paNa jema jema moTA thatA gayA tema tema khoTA thatA gayA. prema, saraLatA, nirdoSatA vagerenA sthAne irSyA, luccAi, malinatA vagere doSo sthAna letA gayA. jo ke mAre nikhAlasatAthI kahevuM joie ke sau prathama iSya mArAmAM pedA thai. vArikhila guNIyala purUSa hato. ethI enA guNagAna cArebAju gavAvA lAgyA. emAMya e jyAre mithilA Ave tyAre lokonA ToLe-ToLA ene jovA umaTe. mArAthI A sahana na thayuM. mArI mithilAmAM mArA karatAM vadhu mAna koI meLavI jAya e mArA irSALu jIvane pasaMda na paDyuM. eka vakhate to hakaDeThaTha bharelA rAjadarabAramAM vArikhilanuM meM joradAra apamAna karI dIdhuM. ene spaSTa kahI dIdhuM. vArikhila ! A mithilA mArI che. ahIM AvavAno tane koi hakka nathI. zA mATe vAreghaDIe kUtarAnI jema ahIM hAlyo Ave che ? tArA rAjyamAM rahevAnI jagyA nathI ? basa... thai rahyuM. vArikhilane jhALa lAgI gaI. eNe to tarata ja cAlatI pakaDI. koi paNa svamAnI purUSa potAnuM mAna ghavAya tyAM zI rIte rahI zake ? jarAka apamAna thatAM ja siMha, hAthI ane sajjana nIkaLI jAya che jyAre kAgaDA, kUtarA ane durjano hajAro apamAna thayA chatAM nIkaLatA nathI. mAro bhAi pUro svamAnI hato. enA roma-romamAM gussAnI Aga phelAi gai. bhara darabAramAM mAruM apamAna ? have huM drAviDane paNa joi laiza. e cAlyo gayo... paNa lokomAM to UlaTI mArI ja vadhu niMdA thavA mAMDI. hA... mArI sAme koi niMdA karatuM nahi, paNa parokSamAM to mArI bharapeTa niMdA thatI. thAya ja ne ? nAnA bhAine haDadhUta karI nAkhanArane koNa vakhANe ? have huM vArikhilanI tamAma pravRttio tarapha cAMpatI najara nAkhavA lAgyo. mane zaMkA hatI ke vArikhila kAMi UMdhuM catuM na kare. Akhare mArI zaMkA sAcI nIkaLI. eNe mArI sAthe laDavAnI joradAra taiyArIo karavA mAMDI che - evA samAcAro mane maLavA lAgyA. paNa huMye kyAM kama hato ? e jo zera jhagaDo kare to huM savA zera jhagaDo karavA taiyAra hato. vArikhila sainya laine mArA para caDAi karavA Ave enA karatAM huM ja enA para caDAi na karuM ? huM vizALa sainya lai vArikhila sAme laDAi karavA cAlyo. mArA samAcAra vArikhilane paNa maLI ja gayA hatA. e paNa kyAM ocho hato ? Akhare bhAi to mAro ja hato ne ? eNe paNa sainya sAthe mArI sAme laDAi karavA prayANa AraMvyuM. rastAmAM amArA baMnenA sainyo sAmasAme AvyA. laDAI mATe pAMca yojananuM vizALa medAna ame pasaMda karyuM. jota-jotAmAM khUMkhAra jaMgano AraMbha thai gayo. talavAro sAme talavAro ne bhAlAo sAme bhAlAo vIMjhAvA lAgyA. talavAro, bANo ane bhAlAothI dhaDAdhaDa DokAo kapAvA mAMDyA. lohInI nadIo vahevA mAMDI ne temAM maDadAo ne kapAyelA mAthAo taravA lAgyA. pelI narakanI vaiitariNI to koNe joi che? ame to ahIM ja vaitariNI khaDI karI dIdhI ! dezyo to evA bhayaMkara hatA ke bhalabhalAnA chAtInAM pATiyAM besI jAya.... vicArakane vairAgya AvyA vinA rahe nahi. paNa amAro vicArano dIvo olavAi gayo hato. amArA manamaMdiramAM ahaMkArano aMdhakAra patharAi Atma kathAo * 499 Atma kathAo * 498

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gayo hato. ame kazuM ja vicArI zakatA na hatA. jo ame jarA svastha citte vicArIe : arere... ATalA badhA mANasonI katala konA mATe ? ATalA ghora pApo karIne amAre Akhare meLavavuM zuM che ? dharatInA TukaDA khAtara ATalI kaleAma ? paNa AvuM vicAre ja koNa ? vicAre to yuddha thAya ja zI rIte ? lagAtAra sAta mahinA sudhI amArI vacce bhayaMkara yuddha cAlu rahyuM. baMnemAMthI koi hAratA hotA ke jItatA nahotA ! basa mAtra laDatA hatA. kharekhara joie to ame baMne jaNA hAratA ja hatA. paNa amane A hAra dekhAtI nahotI. sAta mahinAmAM to ame hAhAkAra macAvI dIdho. pUrA 10 kroDa sainiko kapAi gayA, paNa amAruM rUMvADuMya pharakyuM nahi. baMnemAM eka paNa yuddhathI pIchehaTa karavA mAMgatA nahotA, paNa amAruM A yuddha kudaratane maMjura nahotuM. AkAzamAM aSADha mahinAnA kALADIbAMga vAdaLa chavAi gayA ane dhodhamAra varasAda zarU thai gayo. comAsuM ekadama jAmI paDyuM. amAre pharajiyAta yuddha baMdha rAkhavuM paDyuM. vAya na vare te hAya vare te AnuM nAma ! amArA maMtrIone amAruM A yuddha jarA paNa pasaMda nahotuM. emaNe amane ghaNA samajAvyA, paNa ame koi vAta samajavA taiyAra hotA. paNa have yuddha baMdha hatuM. AthI eka divase mArA maMtrI vimalabodhe mane kahyuM : mahArAjA ! cAlo... jarA jaMgalamAM dharatInI zobhA joie. huM tenI sAthe pharavA nIkaLyo. cAre bAja lIlIchama dharatI joi mana prasanna banI gayuM. oha ! keTalI suMdara dharatI che ! AvI suMdara dharatIne huM raktaraMjita karavA taiyAra thayo chuM? mane manomana mArI jAta para jarA dhikkAra vachUTI gayo. pachI huM maMtrInI sAthe eka tApasa AzramamAM jai pahoMcyo. AzramamAM aneka tApasI jJAna-dhyAnamAM lIna hatA. yuddhanA zorabakorathI kaMTALelA mArA mane ahIM prasannatA anubhavI. huM suvaghu tApasa pAse pahoMcyo. emane khabara hatI ke sAta-sAta mahinAthI yuddha cAlI rahyuM che ne lAkho mANaso raheMsAI gayA che. mane premapUrvaka temaNe samajAvavA mAMDyuM : vatsa ! dharatInA nAnakaDA TukaDA khAtara ATalo saMhAra ? tamArA ahaMkArane poSavA keTalA nirdoSa lokoe potAnA lohI reDyA ? haju tamAre keTalAonA lohI Atma kathAo * 500 reDAvavA che? sAta-sAta mahinA tame dharatIne naraka banAvI dIdhI. hajAro parivArone nirAdhAra banAvI dadhA. lokomAM apakIrti meLavI. AnA sivAya tame meLavyuM zuM ? kadAca tuM jItI jaiza to zuM meLavavAno ? dharatIno nAno TukaDo ja ne ? paNa e dharatI paNa Akhare tAre choDavAnI che eno tane khyAla che ? je dharatI khAtara tuM ATalo saMhAra pacAvI rahyo che e ja dharatImAM tAre eka divasa sUI javAnuM che eno tane khyAla che ? yAda rAkha ke yuddhathI kadI koinuM kalyANa thayuM nathI ! tRSNAnuM taLiyuM koinuM bharAyuM nathI. masANano khADo, peTano khADo, dariyAno khADo ne tRSNAno khADo - A khADAo evA che ke je kadI bharAtA ja nathI. game teTaluM nAkho chatAM khAlI... khAlI ne khAlI ! ekavAra A tamArA manamAM rahelA tRSNAnA vicitra khADAne tame oLakhI lo... nAhaka ene bharavA prayAsa nA karo. e kadI koino bharAyo nathI. ne drAviDa ! jarA vicAra. yuddhathI kadI koinuM kalyANa thayuM che ! baMne pakSe saMhAra sivAya zuM maLyuM ! bharata-bAhubalI jevA baliSThone paNa Akhare yuddhathI aTakavuM paDyuM hatuM. tyAre ja jagatanA lokone samajAI gayuM hatuM ke yuddhathI kadI koinuM bhaluM thai zake nahi. paNa tame itihAsamAMthI kazo bodhapATha lIdho hoya tema lAgatuM nathI. are... tame tamArA anubhava parathI paNa koi bodhapATha levA nathI mAMgatA ? suvaghu tApasanA vANIpravAhane huM sAMbhaLI rahyo. mane emanuM ekeka vAkya sonAnI lagaDI jevuM lAgyuM. mane yuddhanI nirarthakatA samajAi. mArA hRdayamAM pazcAttApano pAvaka jaLI UThyo. arere...! keTalo badho bhayaMkara saMhAra ? konA kAraNe ? A badhI javAbadArI mArI ja ne? sau prathama vArikhilanuM apamAna meM karyuM che. mATe yuddhano saMpUrNa javAbadAra huM chuM. jo mArAthI ja yuddha zarU thayuM hoya to mAre ja tene aTakAvavuM joie. moTA bhAi tarIkenI mArI A pharaja che. mAre nazvara rAjyathI kAma paNa zuM che ? have to mAre pAchalI jiMdagI sAdhanAmAM gALavI che. mAruM rAjya huM vArikhilane ApI dauM. enI sAthe kSamApanA karI lauM. pachI huM sAdhanAmArge AgaLa vadhuM. AvI bhavya-vicAra-saraNI sAthe huM nAnA bhAine khamAvavA cAlyo. mane dUrathI Avato joi mAro gaMbhIra ane vAtsalyapUrNa cahero joi mAro bhAi Atma kathAo * 501

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vArikhila paNa mArI sAme Avyo. enA hRdayamAM kSamAnA bhAvo pedA thayA. hA... tame bIjAne maitrInA bhAva Apo to sAmenA hRdayamAM paNa tevA bhAvo pedA thAya ja. 'bhAvAtuM bhAvaH prajAyate' A vAkya so TakA sAcuM che. e huM jAta-anubhavathI kahI zakuM tema chuM. meM jyAre mArA mananI vAta vArikhilane karI tyAre tenA hRdayamAM paNa parivartana thai gayuM. te paNa mArI sAthe saMsAra-tyAga karavA taiyAra thai gayo. ame baMnee amArA putrone rAjya ApI suvaSNu pAse tApasI dIkSA svIkArI. amArI sAthe 10 kroDa subhaToe paNa dIkSA svIkArI. tApasa jIvanamAM ame jhADanI chAla (vakala)nA vastro paheratA. jharaNAnuM pANI pItA. kaMdamULa-phaLano AhAra karatA. mAthe jaTA rAkhatA ane manamAM zrI AdinAtha prabhunuM dhyAna dharatA. mane to vahema che ke tamArA jamAnAmAM je bAvAjIo zaMkaranuM dhyAna dhare che te mULataH AdinAtha na hoya. zaMkara jaTAdhArI hatA, tema AdinAtha paNa pAMcamI mUThI bAkI rAkhavAthI jaTAdhArI hatA. zaMkaranA mastake caMdra che, te siddhazilAnuM pratIka che. kahevAya che ke svargathI paDatI gaMgA pahelA zaMkaranI jaTA para paDI. keTalAya varSo sudhI tyAM rahI ane pachI dharatI para AvI. A kai gaMgA ? e gaMgA che dharmagaMgA. AdinAtha prabhue ja A yugamAM sarvaprathama dharmagaMgA vahAvI che ne? zaMkarane kapALamAM trIjI AMkha che, to AdinAthajIne kevaLajJAnanI trIjI AMkha che. zaMkare trizULathI daityane mAryA. AdinAthe ratnatrayIrUpI trizULathI mohane mAryo. zaMkara zarIre bhabhUti lagADe che te vairAgyanI sUcaka che. zaMkarano poThIyo naMdi (baLada) che to AdinAthajInuM lAMchana paNa baLada che. zaMkara kailAsa para rahe che. to AdinAthajInuM nirvANa paNa kailAsa (aSTApadanuM bIjuM nAma kailAsa che) para ja thayuM che. juo keTalI samAnatA Ave che ? vAtavicAravA jevI nathI lAgatI ? amArI ja paraMparAmAM thayelA bAvAoe jaTA, caMdra, gaMgA, trizULa, naMdi vagere pratIko dvArA AdinAthanuM rUpAMtara karI nAkhyuM hoya tevuM nathI lAgatuM ? haze. je hoya te kharuM ! amArA dahADA sAdhanAmAM sukhapUrvaka pasAra thatA hatA. Ama eka lAkha varSa vItyA pachI eka divase AkAzamAM be vidyAdhara munio kyAMka jatA hatA te ame joyuM. teo nami-vinaminA praziSya hatA. ame temane Atma kathAo * 102 pUchyuM : tame koNa cho ? kyAM jAva cho? emaNe potAno paricaya Apyo ane kyAM javAnuM che te aMge jaNAvatAM kahyuM ke ame siddhAcala jaie chIe. jyAM pAMca kroDa sAthe puMDarIkasvAmI mokSamAM gayA che tathA jyAM traNa kroDa sAthe rAmacandrajI, vIsa kroDa sAthe pAMDavo, ekANuM lAkha sAthe nAradajI vagere aneka AtmAo mokSamAM javAnA che. AvA tIrthAdhirAjanA darzana parama puNyodaya hoya to ja maLe. girirAjano Avo mahimA sAMbhaLI amane tyAM javAnI icchA jAgI. ame temanI sAthe siddhAcalanI parama pAvana dharatI para AvyA. amArI sAthe 10 kroDa tApaso paNa hatA. e dharatI para paga mUkatAM ja amAro manano moralo nAcI UThyo. jIvana sArthaka thatuM hoya tema lAgyuM. ame ahIM AvyA te pahelAM ja tApasI dIkSA choDI jainI dIkSA svIkArI sAdhu banI gayA hatA. ame to ahIM AvIne mahinAnA upavAsa zarU karI dIdhA. eka divase amane amArA gurudevo taraphathI kahevAmAM AvyuM ke tame ahIM ja raho. pUrvajIvanamAM tame ghaNA-ghaNAM pApa karmo karelA che, te badhA pApone khapAvavA tamArA mATe A siddhAcala atiuttama kSetra che. tame ahIM ja raho ne zatruMjayanuM dhyAna dharo. tame ahIM ja sarvakarmano kSaya karI kevaLI banI mokSe jazo. Ama kahIne teo AkAzamArge jatA rahyA. ame dazakroDa munio sAthe tyAM ja rahyA. ane kharekhara amArA gurudevanI vANI phaLI. eka divase ame kevaLajJAnanI jyota pragaTAvI ane tyAra bAda aMtamuhutamAM ja ame sau duHkhamaya, pApamaya ane svArthamaya saMsArathI kAyama mATe mukta banI siddhazilAmAM birAjamAna thai gayA. e divasa hato kArtikI pUrNimAno ! Aje paNa tame kArtikI pUrNimAnA divase hoMzabhera yAtrA karo cho ne ! kArtikI pUrNimAnA divase Aje paNa amAruM jIvana jagabatrIzIe gavAi rahyuM che. tame vicAro : amArA jevA hatyArAone, pApanA kAdavathI kharaDAyelAone paNa sApha karI kevaLajJAnanI bheTa ApanAra e girirAjamAM keTalI pavitratA ThasoThasa bharI haze ? tamAruM saubhAgya che ke AvA kalikALamAM paNa tamane siddhagiri jevuM mahAnathI paNa mahAna tIrtha maLI gayuM che. Atma kathAo * 503

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(pa9) huM vAmana che mAruM durbhAgya hatuM ke huM ThIMgaNo hato. uMmara moTI thai chatAM mArI kAyA to moTI na ja thai. huM UcAi vadhAravA ghaNA prayatno karato, paNa vyartha ! huM ThIMgaNo ja rahyo. huM eTalo badho ThIMgaNo hato ke loko mane daDAnI jema UchALI zakatA hatA. eka vakhate koie mArI AvI TIkhaLa karI. mane AkAzamAM UchALI jhIlI lIdho. tyAre mane thoDoka AnaMda Avyo, paraMtu mArA karatAM kai gaNo vadhu AnaMda UchALanArA mANasone Avyo. te divasathI te lokone Ano casako lAgyo. teo mane haMmezAM A rIte ja UchALavA lAgyA. huM AvI herAnagatithI kaMTALI gayo. meM e lokone khUba ja nA pADI, paNa mAruM sAMbhaLe koNa ? pratikAra karavAnI zakti to mArAmAM hatI ja nahi. mArI madade Ave tevA koi svajano paNa hatA nahi. na chUTake mAre sahana karyuM javuM paDyuM. jema jema lokone khabara paDatI gaI tema tema bIjA-bIjA loko paNa A "ramata'mAM joDAvA lAgyA. mArI muzkelIno pAra na rahyo. huM ekalo-ekalo raDyA karato. paNa mAruM rudana sAMbhaLanAra koNa ? mArA AMsu lUchanAra koNa ? savArathI sAMja sudhI AvI dhamAcakaDI cAlyA karatI. huM to zuM koi paNa mANasa kaMTALI jAya. khAvA-pIvAno paNa pUrato samaya e loko Ape nahi. pachI mANasa kyAM sudhI sahana kare ? AvA trAsabharyA jIvanathI huM kaMTALyo. AnA karatAM marI javuM sAruM ! have mane maravAnA vicAro AvavA lAgyA paNa maravuM kAMi saheluM che ? huM keTalIyevAra maravAnuM vicArato paNa pAcho duHkhathI gabharAi mAMDI vALato. mRtyunA bhayathI mArA zarIramAM ghUjArI chUTI jatI. mAro maravAno saMkalpa ogaLI jato. paNa Akhare mAre maravAnI hiMmata karavI ja paDI. evuM karyA vinA cAle tema ja hotuM. ema mane spaSTa lAgatuM hatuM. haMmezanA AvA trAsabharyA jIvana karatAM thoDIvAranuM motanuM duHkha sahana karI lauM to zuM vAMdho che? game tyAre maravAnuM to che ja... to pachI jeTaluM vaheluM thAya teTalo vahelo duHkhamAMthI huM chUTuMne ! meM maravAno sakriya nirNaya karyo. koine kahyA vinA, koine khabara na paDe te rIte huM gAmamAMthI nIkaLI gayo. UMcA parvata para jai pahoMcyo. tame samajI gayA hazo ke UMcA parvata parathI mAre zuM karavAnuM hatuM ? paNa e parvata parathI huM bhUsako mAruM e pahelAM ja koie mAro hAtha pakaDI lIdho. meM joyuM to e jaina muni hatA. emanA caherA para saMyamanuM teja jhaLahaLatuM hatuM. emanI AMkhomAM karUNA chalakAtI hatI. mane madhura svare kahyuM : vatsa ! A zuM kare che? ApaghAta ? zA mATe ? meM mArA duHkhanuM kAraNa jaNAvyuM tyAre temaNe kahyuM : vatsa ! ema ApaghAta karavAthI duHkhano aMta nahi Ave. kadAca paralokamAM AthI paNa vadhu duHkha Avaze. A to tAruM zuM du:kha che ? AnA karatAM kai gaNA vadhAre duHkho DhoranI duniyAmAM che ne enA karatAM anaMta gaNA vadhu duHkho narakanI duniyAmAM che. ApaghAta karIne tAre durgatimAM javuM che ? maLelo moghero mAnava-avatAra eLe javA devo che ? eka ThIMgaNApaNAnA kAraNe ApaghAta karavo? vatsa ! ThIMgaNApaNuM pUrvabhavamAM karelA karmanuM phaLa che. jo mAruM mAnato hoya to tuM e duHkhadAyI karmono nAza kara. zarIrano nAza karyo zuM vaLaze ? karmono nAza kara, je duHkhanuM mULa che. mahAnubhAva ! ApaghAta nahi, pApaghAta kara. pApaghAta karavA mATe sarvaviratino svIkAra kara. mAnava-jIvanamAM sarva virati karatAM pApaghAtano koi uttama upAya nathI. mane jaina mahAtmAnI A salAha gamI gai. atyAra sudhImAM ATalI mIThAzathI mane koie samajAvyuM nhotuM. mane koie premathI bolAvyo hato. cAre taraphathI mane dhikkAra ane apamAna ja maLyA hatA. eka ja A jaina mahAtmA evA nIkaLyA jemaNe mArA jevA durbhAgya-ziromaNine prema Apyo. huM sarvavirati levA taiyAra thayo. mahAtmAe mane sarvavirati ApI. sAdhu banAvyo. have huM jJAna-dhyAnamAM masta banyo, sevA-veyAvaccamAM vyasta banyo. ThIMgaNApaNAnuM mAruM duHkha manamAM kyAMya dabAi gayuM. vaLI ahIM mArI majAka karanAruM koi nhotuM. mane daDAnI jema UchALanAra koi hotuM. ahIM to badhA uttama mahAtmAo hatA. emanI uttama kriyAo Atma kathAo * 505 Atma kathAo * 504

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ja mane jovA maLatI. AvA uttama AlaMbanomAM mane hIna vicAro pedA thavAno avakAza ja nA rahyo. sAmAnyatayA jevA nimitto maLatA hoya che, tevI vicAraNA jIvane thatI hoya che. meM mArI kAyA jJAna-dhyAna ane tapamAM gALI nAkhI. keTalAya varSonA vahANA vahI gayA. jotajotAmAM huM jiMdagInA cheDe pahoMcI gayo. paNa mane jiMdagIthI saMtoSa hato. mAnava-jIvanane meM saphaLa banAvyuM che. evI tRpti hatI. have vRddhAvasthA DokiyuM karavA lAgI hatI. indriyoe zakti gumAvavA lAgI hatI. hAtha-paganA sAMdhA DhIlA thai rahyo hato. mane lAgyuM : huM vadhu nahi jIvI zakuM. meM anazana karavAnuM nakkI karyuM. anazana eTale mRtyuno satkAra ! ApaghAta ane anazanamAM bahu pharaka che. ApaghAtamAM majabUrI che. anazanamAM svecchAe mRtyuno svIkAra che. ApaghAtamAM kleza che. anazanamAM AnaMda che. meM AnaMdapUrvaka anazana svIkArI lIdhuM. mArI sevA karavA sAdhuo tatpara rahevA lAgyA. huM paNa khUba ja ullAsamAM hato. paNa mArA karma haju vAMkA hatA. chellI ghaDIe mane vicAra Avyo : arere... gRhasthapaNAmAM meM keTalI kadarthanA sahI ? mAtra ThIMgaNApaNAnA kAraNe ja ne ? huM ThIMgujI banyo eja mAro guno hato ! mArA dabAyelA vicAro bahAra dhasI AvyA : have mAre AgAmI bhavamAM moTA zarIravALA banavuM che. meM manomana saMkalpa karyo : mArI sAdhanAnuM koi paNa phaLa hoya to huM moTA zarIravALo banuM ! mane tyAre khabara hotI ke huM zuM mAMgI rahyo chuM. karmasattAe mArI mAMgaNI svIkArI lIdhI. te ja vakhate mAruM hAthInuM AyuSya baMdhAi gayuM. pelA chokarAo to mArI ThekaDI uDAvatA... paraMtu karmasattAe paNa mArI ThekaDI uDAvI : beTamajI ! tAre moTA zarIravALA banavuM che ne ? le... tyAre banI jA hAthI ! marIne huM hAthI thayo ! karavA gayo kaMsAra... paNa thai gaI thUlI ! tamane pelo kuMbhakarNa yAda AvI gayo haze : bicAro mAMgavA gayo indrAsana, paNa maLI gayuM nidrAsana ! jaMgalamAM hAthI banIne huM vicaravA lAgyo ! jharaNAnAM pANI Atma kathAo * 506 pIvAnAM ! sarovaramAM nhAvAnuM ! jhADa-pAna khAvAnAM ne hAthaNIo sAthe mastIthI TahelavAnuM ! A mAruM hAthI tarIkenuM jIvana ! paNa mAruM puNya haju sAva paravArI hotuM gayuM ! eka vakhate meM kAyotsargamAM rahelA bhagavAnazrI pArzvanAtha joyA. mane khabara nahotI ke A bhagavAna che. huM to emanI samakSa joi ja rahyo. emanA adbhuta rUpathI mArI AMkho aMjAi gai ! emanA mukha para relAtI samatAe mane prabhAvita karyo. huM sthira banIne ekITase prabhu samakSa jovA lAgyo. mane vicAra Avyo : AvI AkRti meM kyAMka joi che ! kyAMka joi che ! huM vicAromAM khovAi gayo. meM ajAgRta manamAM praveza karyo... jyAM bhUtakALanI smRtio bhaMDArAyelI hatI. pUrvabhavanI smRti mane thai AvI. huM ThIMgujI ! mArI kadarthanA ! ApaghAta mATeno prayatna ! muni dvArA nivAraNa ! sarvaviratino svIkAra ! aMta samaye anazana ! chelle durthAnamAM moTA zarIranI mAMgaNI ! mArI badhI ja jIvana-ghaTanAo mane AMkha sAme philmanI jema dekhAvA lAgI. huM mArI bhUlo mATe pastAvA lAgyo. manomana prabhune prArthavA lAgyo : prabhu ! mane bacAvo. prabhu ! mArA pApono nAza karo. prabhu pratyenA apAra bahumAnathI huM dararoja temanI pUjA karavA lAgyo. bAjumAM kali nAmano kuMDa hato. temAM kamaLanA phUlo UgatA hatA. mane A ja joituM hatuM : huM dararoja e kuMDamAMthI kamaLo toDI lAvI prabhunA caraNane dharavA lAgyo. pUjA karatAM mane khUba ja AnaMda AvavA lAgyo. prabhunI anarAdhAra kRpA mArA para varasI rahI che - evI mane anubhUti thavA lAgI. prabhu ! have mAre durgatimAM nathI javuM. prabhu ! mane anazana Apo. prabhu pAse meM anazana svIkAryuM. samAdhi-mRtyu pAmIne huM deva thayo. Atma kathAo * 507

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- (60) huM mamaNa (pUrva bhava) ka je jagyAe huM prabhunI pUjA karato hato. tyAM rAjAe maMdira baMdhAvyuM - ane pArzvanAtha prabhunI pratimA padharAvI. e sthAna kalikuMDa pArzvanAthanA tIrtha tarIke prasiddhi pAmyuM. tamane paM. vIravijayajInI pArzvanAtha paMca kalyANaka pUjAnI pelI kaDIo to AvaDatI ja haze : "kAussaga mudrA prabhu ThAve, vana-hAthI tihAM eka Ave; jaLa sUMDha bharI navarAve, jina aMge kamaLa caDAve, kalikuMDa tIratha tihAM thAve, hastI gati devanI pAve." A paMktio mArI ja jiMdagIno ullekha kare che. mArA jIvanamAMthI preraNA lejo ke kadI koi bhautika vastunI mAMgaNI dharma pAsethI karavI nahi. nahi to mArA jevI hAlata thaze. doravA jazo gaNapati ne dorAi jaze vAMdaro ! muja ThIMgujInI ATalI vAta mAnajo ! mAnazo ne ! cAreya saMjJAmAM sauthI khataranAka saMjJA kai ? AhAra-maithuna-parigraha ane bhaya - A saMjJAmAMthI apekSAe AhArasaMjJA sauthI khataranAka gaNAya. AhArasaMzAthI puSTa thayeluM zarIra maithunasaMzA tarapha ghasaDAya. maithunasaMjJA dvArA strI AvI eTale parigraha joie. parigraha Ave eTale ene sAcavavAnI ALapaMpALamAM bhaya to rahyA ja kare. eTale mULa to AhArasaMzA ja thaine ? AhAra saMjJA jyAM prabaLa che tyAM sauthI vadhu kALa (anaMto kALa) ApaNA sauno gayo che eTale tyAMnA saMskAra baLavattara hoya te svAbhAvika che. mAtAnI kukSimAM AvatAMnI sAthe ja jIva, prathama zarIra nathI banAvato, AhAra grahaNa kare che. grahaNa karAyelA AhAramAMthI zarIra banI jAya che. AhArasaMzAnAM mULa ATalAM UMDAM che mATe ja jIbhane jItavI kaThaNa gaNAi che. AhArasaMjJAnA thoDAka humalAnA kAraNe mArI zI dazA thai ? te jANavA jevuM che. koi prabhAvanAnA prasaMge mane eka siMhakesarIA lADu maLelo. te ja divase ghera vahoravA AvelA jaina sAdhune meM te vahorAvI dIdho. muni gayA ne tarata ja A bAju mArA pADozIe pUchyuM : "kema mAmA ! lADavo khAdho ?" nahIM.' kema ?' 'e to meM mahArAjane vahorAvI dIdho.' 'alyA mUrakha ! Avo suMdara svAdiSTa lADavo mahArAjane vahorAvAto haze ? mahArAjane vahorAvA roTalI, zAka, dALa-bhAta vagere Atma kathAo * 509 Atma kathAo * 508

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kyAM nahotAM? ekavAra lADavo cAkhavo to hato. keTalo svAdiSTa ! keTalo sugaMdhI ! ne keTalo masAledAra ! e to khAya tene ja khabara paDe. jiMdagImAM kyAreka ja Avo lADavo maLe. aMdara elacI vagere evA masAlA nAMkhelA ke mANasa khAdhA pachI paNa kalAko sudhI e svAdane yAda karato ja rahe. tuM mUrakha nahi, mUrakhano saradAra kahevAya; Avo lADavo vahorAvI dIdho ! tane ema thatuM hoya ke huM badhuM khoTuM khoTuM bolIne uzkerI rahyo chuM. to tuM pote ja khAtarI karI jo. tArA e DabbAmAM haju kaNiyA paDyA haze. cAkhaje ne pachI mane kaheje. Avo kALamukho, avaLI salAha ApanAro pADozI mane bhaTakAi gayo hato. A sthAne jo koI sAro pADozI hota ane mane dhanyavAda ApyA hota to mAro Akho itihAsa badalAi gayo hota. mATe ja zAstrakAro sArA pADozIonI pAse rahevAnI salAha Ape che. mArA bhAgye UMdhI salAha ApI ravADe caDAvI denAra pADozI bhaTakAi gayo. paNa, pADozI para zA mATe doSano Topalo DhoLavo ? mArA potAnAM ja karma evAM haze; jethI mane Avo pADozI maLyo. Akhare nimitta paNa bhavitavyatA pramANe maLatAM hoya che. bhavitavyatA pramANe ja eka ja nimitta pAmIne jIvo temAMthI judA-judA artha grahaNa kare che. jo mAruM upAdAna majabUta hota to huM pADozIne phaTAka kahI deta : besa... besa... have bahu DAhyo thA mA. uttama cIja maLI hoya te khavAya ke apAya ? muni jevA uttama pAtramAM uttama vastu gai enAthI bIjuM rUDuM zuM hoi zake ? meM nathI khAdhuM eno mane koi aphasosa nathI. meM vahorAvyuM teno mane khUba ja AnaMda che. tuM tAruM kAma kara, lADavAnuM AvuM varNana karIne mane uzkeravAnI jarAya jarUra nathI. paNa mAruM ja upAdAna phUTeluM ! mArI ja bhavitavyatA nabaLI ! pelA mAmAnI vAta sAMbhaLIne lADavA mATe uttejita thayelo huM sIdho ghera Avyo. DabbAmAM paDelA kaNiyA khAtAMveMta mArI AhArasaMjJA UchaLI paDI. oha ! kevo suMdara lADavo hato ? arere ? kevaDI moTI meM bhUla karI ! have Avo lADavo kyAre maLavAno ? khare TAime mArI Atma kathAo * 510 khoparI khasI gai ! koi paNa DAhyo mANasa AvuM na kare. gAMThanuM khoine gopIcaMda koi na bane. svArtha ghavAya tene ja anubhavIo mUrkhatA kahe che : svArthabhaMzo hi mUrkhatA ! paNa, hajue kyAM bagaDI gayuM che ? haju mahArAja kAMi upAzraye nahi pahoMcyA hoya, doDato jAuM ne mahArAjane pakaDI pADuM. mAro lADavo pAcho meLavI lauM ! mAro potAno lADavo che. e mAMgavAmAM zarama kevI ? DAhyA mANaso kahe che : AhAramAM ne vyavahAramAM zarama nahi rAkhavI joie. zaramAi jAya te karamAi jAya. zuM kAma zaramAvuM ? zuM kAma karamAvuM ? AhAra saMjJAnA AvezamAM huM to doDyo; mahArAja pAchaLa. AvezanA aMdhApAmAM mane e na dekhAyuM : A rIte na doDAya. ApelI vastu pAchI na levAya. sAmAnya mANasane ApelI vastu paNa na levAya to mahAtmAnI pAsethI to levAya ja zI rIte ? vaLI, A mAro lADavo paNa prabhAvanAmAM ja Avelo hato, koIke Apelo ja hato. mAro to hato nahi. jo huM A rIte mahAtmA, pAsethI lADavo pAcho mAMgI zakuM to prabhAvanA ApanAro mANasa mArI pAsethI lADavo pAcho mAMgI na zake ? A rIte koi mAMge, to mane kevuM lAge ? AvI koi vicAraNAne Aveza vakhate sthAna hotuM nathI. jo AvI | vicAraNA thai zakatI hota to ene Aveza kahevAta paNa nahi. thoDuMka ja dharya, thoDIka ja vicAraNA, thoDoka ja vilaMba, mANasane Aveza vakhate AvI jAya to te ghaNA anarthomAMthI bacI jAya. sArAsAranA vivekane bhUlIne doDato-doDato huM mahArAja pAchaLa jora-jorathI bolavA lAgyo : "mahArAja ! mAro lADavo pAcho Apo. mArI bhUla thai gai. nahoto vahorAvavo. chatAM vahorAvI dIdho. mane lADavo pAcho Apo.' muni to mArI vAta sAMbhaLyA vinA jANe AgaLa ne AgaLa ja jatA hatA. e ja vakhate meM joyuM ke mahArAje potAno hAtha jhoLImAM nAkhyo. Atma kathAo * 511

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mane hAzakAro thayo : pAtrAmAMthI hamaNAM lADavo nIkaLaze. hamaNAM mane maLaze. paNa, bIjI ja kSaNe, meM Azcarya ane nirAzA sAthe joyuM : mahArAje to cIlajhaDape lADavo kADhI mUkko karI, retImAM meLavI dIdho. mArA mukhamAMthI UMDI cIkha nIkaLatAM nIkaLatAM rahI gai : hAya ! hAya ! lADavo gayo ! mane na maLyo te na ja maLyo. huM nAdAna eTaluMya samajato nahoto ke jainasAdhu ekavAra vahoryA pachI avirata gRhasthone kadI na Ape. A temanI maryAdA che, A temano dharma che ! A kAraNe ja jaina sAdhuo mATe pracchanna muktinuM vidhAna che. huM hAtha masaLato-masaLato ghera gayo. te divase mane AkhI rAta UMgha na AvI : arere ! kyAM mArA bhoga lAgyA ke meM lADavo sAdhune ApI dIdho ! himAlaya jevaDI mArI bhUla ! jIvanamAM bhUlo ghaNI karI haze, paNa AvI bhUla to ekeya nahi ! dharma karIne pazcAttApa karavo eTale vAvaNI karyA pachI palito cAMpavo ! dharma karIne anumodanA karo to te vadhato ja jAya, vadhato ja jAya, vadhato ja jAya. ne jo pastAvo karo to ghaTato ja jAya, ghaTato ja jAya. are kyAreka viparIta phaLa paNa Ape. pApamAM paNa evuM. pApa karIne pastAvo karo to te ghaTI jAya. rAjI thAva to te vadhI jAya. - paNa, mANasa moTA bhAge UlaTuM kare che. dharma karIne pastAvo kare che, pApa karIne rAjI thAya che. AthI ja A saMsArano aMta nathI Avyo ne ? - AvuM koi ja tattvajJAna huM jANato nahoto ! A ja kAraNe huM marIne mammaNa zeTha thayo. muni-dAnanA prabhAve aDhaLaka saMpatti maLavA chatAM mArA bhAgyamAM na dAna AvyuM, na bhoga ! hA, te nimitte thanAruM sAtamI narake lai janAruM pApa jarUra AvyuM ! mahArAja zreNika tamane bolAve che. Aje rAjasabhAmAM tame samayasara AvI jajo.' koie AvIne mane A saMdezo kahyo. mArA zarIramAM bhayanuM lakhalakhuM prasarI gayuM. rAjAne vaLI mArI Atma kathAo * 512 zI jarUra paDI ? mArI saMpattinI khabara to nahi paDI gaI hoya ne ? nakkI, koi cADiyAe cADI khAdhI lAge che. have rAjA dhana paDAvI leze. hAya ! hAya ! mAruM badhuM lUMTAi jaze. huM duHkhI-duHkhI thai jaiza. to darabAra na jAuM ? nA... nA... javuM to paDaze ja. nahi jAuM to mahArAjA thoDA choDavAnA che ? pachI Dabbala daMDa kare enA karatAM hamaNAM ja javA do. paDaze tevA devAze. joke, mahArAjA dayALu ane paragaju che. koinuMya dhana kyAreya paDAvyuM hoya tevuM jANavAmAM AvyuM nathI. ne, huM ye kyAM kAco hato ? meM kyAre paNa saMpattinuM pradarzana karyuM nathI. rAjAne to zuM ? mArA pADozIne paNa khabara nahi hoya : huM kevo abajopati chuM. koIne khabara ja na hoya to koNa cADI khAya ? huM evAM phATela-tUTelAM, thIgaDAM mArelAM kapaDAM paheruM chuM ke koine khyAla ja na Ave, mArI saMpattino khyAla Ave to koi bhikhArI mAMge ne ! khyAla Ave to koi phaMDa-phALAvALA Ave ne ! khyAla Ave to AMgaNe kUtarAM Ave ne ! Aja sudhI dAkhalo nathI mArA AMgaNe koi bhikhArI (phaMDaphALAvALAnI to vAta ja choDo) bhUla-cUke paNa Avyo hoya. bhikhArIne to ThIka, paNa galInA kutarAneya khabara che ke ahIM roTalInuM baTakuMya maLe tema nathI. ahIM pUMchaDI paTapaTAvavAno koi artha nathI. ATalI guptatA chatAM mahArAjA mane bolAve che zA mATe ? zuM kAraNa haze ? je hoya te. javuM to paDaze ja. cAlo, jai AvIe. huM darabAramAM gayo. mahArAjAe kahyuM : "bahu duHkhI lAgo cho. mArA nagaramAM tamArA jevA duHkhI loko rahe te kharekhara mAruM durbhAgya che. huM sukhamAM rahuM ne mArI prajA duHkhamAM rahe, e huM joi zake nahIM. A mArA zAsananI niSphaLatA che. bolo, kema duHkhI cho ? mArA taraphathI koi sahAyatA joito hoya to taiyAra mahArAja ! Apane kema ema lAgyuM ?' Atma kathAo * 513

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'gai kAle madhyarAtrinA samaye vIjaLInA prakAzamAM meM joyuM ke dhodhamAra varasAdamAM tame nadImAM paDI-paDIne lAkaDAM tANI rahyA hatA. AvA varasAdamAM ardhI rAte tamane AvuM karavuM paDe che. to tame keTalA duHkhI hazo ? tamAro paricaya Apazo ?' - have mane TADhaka vaLI. hAza ! mahArAjA mane lUMTavA nathI mAMgatA, paNa madada karavA mAMge che. mArA roma-romamAM AnaMda-AnaMda chavAi gayo. huM bolyo : mane loko "mammaNa' tarIke oLakhe che. Apa samajo cho, evuM nathI. mAre eka khAsa kAma che. e pUruM karavA huM tanatoDa mahenata karI rahyo chuM. mAre mAtra baLadanAM ziMgaDAM bAkI che. e mATe mAro A badho prayatna che.' 'emAM kaI moTI vAta che? zigaDAM to game te rIte meLavI zakAze. A mATe ATalI kALI majUrI zA mATe ?" mahArAjA ! Apa e jovA padhAro pachI Apane khyAla Avaze.' mArI vinaMtI mAnya rAkhIne mahArAjA mArA ghera AvyA. huM temane bhoMyarAmAM lai gayo. ajavALAthI jhaLahaLato khaMDa joi mahArAjA cakkAcauMdha thai gayA. ratnonA banelA baLadomAMthI A prakAza relAI rahyo hato. ratno paNa kevAM ? zuddha indranIla, nIlamaNi, vaiDUrya vagere ! ekeka rananI kiMmata karoDonI ! baLadamAM je sthAne jevA raMganAM ratno joie tevAM ja ratno jaDAyelAM hatAM. zarIra para sapheda ! kharI ane pUMchaDInA vALamAM kALAM ! hoThamAM lAla ! vagere.. baLada eTalA suMdara lAge ke kalAko sudhI najara na khase ! mahArAjanI najara baLada para jaDAi gai, e huM joi rahyo hato. meM kahyuM : "mahArAjA ! A baLadanAM mAtra ziMgaDAM bAkI che.' mammaNa ! mArI AkhI tijorI khAlI thai jAya toya be ziMgaDAM thai zake tema nathI. eTalAM moMghAM joie ratno ! paNa, mane vicAra e Atma kathAo * 514 Ave che ke ATalI aDhaLaka saMpatti hovA chatAM te kaMgALa kema dekhAya che ? tArAM kapaDAM AvAM kema ? tAruM zarIra nabaLuM kema ? tAre nokaracAkara kema nahi ?' 'mahArAjA ! huM sAdagImAM mAnuM chuM. bhapako, ADaMbara vagere mane mULathI ja pasaMda nathI. sAduM khAvuM, sAduM jIvavuM, sAduM paheravuM A mAro jIvanamaMtra che. vaibhavanA pradarzanathI bIjAne AMjI nAMkhavA mane muddala pasaMda nathI. vaLI, emAM khataro paNa che. huM jo vaibhavanuM pradarzana karuM to yAcakonI lAina lAge, sAmAjika kAryo mATe phaMDaphALAvALA loko paNa Ave. ekane ApIe eTale bIjAne paNa ApavuM ja paDe. Ama ApaNI tijorI khAlI thai jAya. loko mAtra tALI pADI ravAnA thai jAya. paisA khAlI thai jAya pachI koi bhAva na pUche. huM to dAtAone mUrkha gaNuM chuM. thoDIka tALI mATe, thoDIka prazaMsA mATe bicArA potAnuM sarvasva lUMTAvI de che. kAgaDAnI prazaMsA karIne ziyALa jema tenI pUrI paDAvI lIdhI, tema loko zrImaMtanI prazaMsA karIne tenI 'pUrI(paisA) paDAvI le che. mATe ja mane dAnamAM vizvAsa ja nathI. tame mAnazo ? meM Aja sudhI kyAMya kANI koDI kharacI nathI. e to ThIka. huM mArI jAta mATe paNa bahu ja karakasarathI paisA vAparuM chuM. tame juo, A mArAM kapaDAM traNa varSathI cAle che. e paNa eka ja joDI ! bIjI joDInI kyAreya jarUra nathI paDI. kapaDAM dhovAM hoya tyAre potaDI paherIne huM pote ja dhoi lauM ! koi nokara-bokara rAkhyA nathI. nokara rAkhIe to vaLI eneya pagAra cUkavavo paDe ne? tijorI para ghasAro lAgene ! evo ThATha mane na paravaDe ! enA karatAM jAte badhuM kAma karI levuM zuM khoTuM ? zarIra paNa sAruM rahe ne koinI garaja paNa na rahe ! dhoine bhInAM ja kapaDAM paherI lauM. ghaDI be ghaDImAM kapaDAM sukAi jAya. ApaNA zarIranI garamIthI jaladI sukAI jAya. dorI vagereno koi khoTo kharca nahi. sukAvIe to dorI joiene ? kapaDAM kyAreka phATe to jAte ja sIvI levAnAM. A badhAM thIgaDAM meM ja mArelAM che. Aja sudhI kadI darajI pAse nathI gayo. jamavAmAM paNa huM bahu ja cokkasa ! Atma kathAo * 515

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mIThAi, mAla-malIdA mane kadI paravaDe ja niha. e badhuM khAvA jaie to dahADA ja UThI jAya. tijorI ja sApha thai jAya ! mIThAi to ThIka, huM roTalI paNa nathI khAto. mAtra tela ane coLA ja khAvAnA ! na ghauMnI ciMtA, na daLAvavAnI paMcAta ! na roTalI banAvavAnI mAthAkUTa ! na rasoiyAnI parAdhInatA ! na paisAno khoTo kharca ! tela ane coLA jhiMdAbAda ! game tyAre khAi zakAya ! bacI jAya to bIje divase paNa cAle ! bIjI rasoi banAvIe ne vadhI paDe to vaLI bIjAne ApavI paDe. kharca paNa vadhI jAya ane mAMganArane roja levA AvavAnI Teva paDI jAya. meM AvI Teva kadI koine paDAvI ja nathI. meM pahelethI ja evuM valaNa akhatyAra karyuM che ke mAre tyAM koi mAMgavA Ave ja nahi. mane yAda nathI ke meM kadI koine kAMi khAvAnuM ApyuM hoya ke kUtarAne paNa baTakuM ApyuM hoya ! jarUra paNa zuM che ApavAnI ? e loko kAMi ApaNA mATe jIve che ? ahIM kAMi badhAne ApavA nathI beThA. eTalA mATe A badhuM kAMi bheguM nathI karyuM. AthI moTo phAyado e thayo ke koi yAcaka ahIM DokAya ja nahIM. mane yAda nathI ke chellAM 25-30 varSamAM koi bhikhArI paNa ahIM hUkyo hoya. ghaNA baDa-baDa karatA hoya che : caDatA dinanuM pArakhuM, nita Ave mahemAna; paDatA dinanuM pArakhuM, ghara na phUMke zvAna. mane to AmAM bakavAsa ja lAge che. AvuM-AvuM bolIne zrImaMtone caDAvI mArIne enI pAsethI dAna meLavAya che, emanuM zoSaNa karavAmAM Ave che. huM to kadI dAna na ja karuM, paNa koi karatuM hoya toya mane na game. mane evA loko mUrkha lAge. bicArA ! thoDIka prazaMsA mATe thaine lUMTAi janArA ! mAruM cAle to huM sarvatra dAna-pratibaMdhaka kAyado ja pasAra karAvI dauM ! ApaNuM mAne koNa ? khera, ApaNe ApaNuM saMbhALIne besavuM. AkhI duniyAne ApaNe badalAvI nathI zakatA, paNa jAtane jarUra badalAvI zakIe. pRthvImAMthI badhe ja kAdava-kAMTA dUra na karI zakIe, paNa pote Atma kathAo * 516 pagamAM joDA paherI zakIe. koi samaje to samajAvavAno prayatna karuM, na samaje to enAM bhAgya ! samajavA mATe paNa bhAgya joiene ! mane to A samajaNa janmathI maLI hatI, paNa badhAMnAM AvAM bhAgya nathI hotAMne ! koinA kahevAmAM AvI jAya, bhoLavAi jAya, ApavA taiyAra paNa thai jAya. mULathI mANasa bhoLo ane svaprazaMsAno premI kharo ne ! svaprazaMsAnI lAhyamAM mANase ghaNuM gumAvyuM che. Ama huM ghaNAne samajAvuM chuM, paNa bhAgye ja koi mAruM mAne che. UlaTuM mane dAna mATe samajAve. Aja sudhI ghaNAe mane samajAvavA prayatna karyA, paNa huM mArA siddhAMtathI khasyo nathI, Tasano masa paNa nathI thayo. huM siddhAMtavAdI mANasa chuM ! koi mane samajAve : bhalA AdamI ! tame dAna paNa na karo ne svayaM paNa na vAparo to tamArI saMpatti zA kAmanI ? kone kAma lAgavAnI ?' huM temane phaTa... kahI dauM : 'saMpatti kone kAma lAgavAnI ke nahi lAgavAnI ? enAthI tamane zuM kAma che ? tame ApI do cho topaNa bIjAne ja kAma lAge che ne ? tame tamArA vaibhava mATe vAparo cho... emAM paNa bIjAne ja kAma lAge che ne ? maryA pachI bIjAne kAma lAge ke jIvatA-jIva bIjAne kAma lAge, emAM pharaka zo paDyo ? tame mane dAna mATe uzkerIne saMpatti tamArA potAnA kAmamAM Ave evuM koi SaDayaMtra nathI karatAne ?' mAro cokhkhocaTa javAba sAMbhaLIne pelo cUpa ja thai jAya. pharI kadI mAre pAse DokAya ja nahi. koi bhikhArI AvIne mArA daravAje pokAre : (joke, koi Ave ja nahi.) bhikhArI nahi bhIkha mAMge, zIkha Ape ghare ghare; nahi dIdhAnuM phaLa AvuM, mATe Apo are... are... huM AvA bhikhArIone pahelo ja savAla karuM H dAnano mahAna Atma kathAo - 517

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(61) huM marIci ti upadeza ApanArA birAdaro ! Ape ApanI bhIkhamAMthI keTaluM dAna ApyuM? e mane pahelAM jaNAvo. tame AvuM AvuM kahIne mAtra amArA jevAne uzkeravA prayatna karo cho ke vAstavika bolo cho ? jo kharekhara tamane bhIkha mAMgatAM zarama AvatI hoya to tame kyAMya kAma kema nathI karatA ? maphatanuM kema khAva cho ? huM tamArA jevAone dAna ApIne maphatiyAone protsAhana ApI zakuM nahi, mAruM lAMbulaca bhASaNa sAMbhaLI zreNika mahArAjA stabdha thai gayA. badhAnI jema e paNa kadAca vicAravA lAgyA haze : bicAro ! jIvanabhara mahenata karanAro ! abajopati hovA chatAM garIba jevuM jIvanAro ! A saMpattinuM karaze zuM ? zuM poTaluM bAMdhIne lai jaze? saMpattinI ghora mUccha ene kadAca sAtamI narake lai jAya ! bhalene koi mArA viSe game te vicAre ! mAre kyAM enI paravA hatI ? bhalene koI mane sAtamI narake mokalI de ! mane kyAM enI bIka hatI ? bhalene mane koi garIba jevuM jIvanAro kahI de, mane enAthI zo pharaka paDavAno ? mArI saMpattimAMthI eka paiso paNa ocho na thAya... pachI huM garIba zAno ? loko marajImAM Ave tema bhale bolyA kare... huM to mAre mArI rIte ja jIvana jIvato gayo ! saMpattinI mUccha bIjAne khUba ja bhayaMkara lAgatI, paNa mane to emAM ja sukha dekhAtuM. saMpattinI Asakti ane saMpattinI jALavaNInI ciMtAmAM bIjAne bhale saMrakSaNAnubaMdhI raudradhyAna jaNAtuM hoya, sAtamI narakanA daravAjA dekhAtA hoya, paNa mane to AmAM ja parama AnaMdanA dvAra dekhAtAM hatAM ! dIkSA letAM to levAi gai, paNa have zuM karavuM? ghera javAya tema nathI ne ahIM paNa rahevAya tema nathI karavuM zuM ? - huM cakravartIno putra ! ghera jAuM to kevuM kharAba lAge ? ahIM paNa A kaSTo sahana thai zake tema nathI. to zuM vacalo mArga nIkaLI na zake ? jeTha mahinAno sUrya mAthe tapI rahyo hato. dvArapALa cAra gaNI garamI laine phare tema retI sUrajathI paNa cAra gaNI vadhu tapatI hatI. khullA mAthe, aDavANe page huM cAlato hato. pasInAthI rebajheba mAruM zarIra hatuM. tarasathI gaLuM sosAtuM hatuM. vAtAvaraNamAM bhayaMkara ukaLATa hato. ethI paNa vadhu ukaLATa manamAM hato. cakravartI bharatano putra huM marIci ! nAnapaNathI ja mAruM zarIra evA jhagArA mAratuM hatuM, tejanA kiraNo relAvatuM hatuM ke mAruM nAma ja 'marIci' pADavAmAM AvyuM. marIci eTale kiraNa ! dAdA AdinAtha bhagavAnanI eka ja dezanAthI mane saMsAra tarapha aNagamo thai gayo. saMsAra eTale saLagatuM ghara ! saLagatAM gharamAM rahevAya ja zI rIte ? saMsAra eTale bihAmaNuM jaMgala ! jaldI bhAgI chUTo. saMsAra eTale ghora sAgara ! jaldIthI tarI jAva. AvI koika dhUna sAthe huM saMyamamArge kudI paDyo. saMsAra e saLagatuM ghara che e barAbara, paNa saMyama zuM che? eno mane vicAra ja na Avyo. cakravartIno huM sukamALa putra ! mArAthI vihAra zI rIte thaze ? ghera ghera gocarI zI rIte jaiza ? loca zI rIte karAvIza ? snAna vagara kema cAlaze ? AvuM kAMi ja vicAra karyA vinA huM kUdI ja paDyo. vairAgyanA vicAro eTalA tIvra hatA ke temAM bIjA koi vicAra AvavA saMbhava ja hotA. A to saMyama-jIvananI vAstavikatA para jyAre mArA paga jaDAyA Atma kathAo * 519 Atma kathAo * 518

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tyAre huM vicAramAM paDI gayo. arara... A zuM ? jIvanabhara snAna ja nahi karavAnuM ? taDakAmAM khullA page khullA mAthe cAlavAnuM ? TADha-taDakA sahana karyA ja karavAnA ? ekAda divasa ThIka che. jIvanabhara to AvuM zI rIte sahana thAya ? enA karatAM to ghara... paNa nA, huM ghera javA taiyAra nhoto. mAtA-pitA vagere badhA ja nA pADatA hatA chatAM huM moTA upADe sAdhu banyo. have kayA moDhe ghera jAuM ? ghera jAuM to mArI AbarU paNa zuM ? AbarU vinA jIvavuM zI rIte ? huM barAbarano phasAyo hato. paNa, meM mAro rasto zodhI kADhyo. hoziyAra hato ne ! ghera gayA vinA ja ApaNe ahIM ja kaMika navuM karavuM, evo meM nirNaya karyo. veSamAM pheraphAra karIne anukULa jIvana paddhati apanAvavI. bhagavA kapaDAM, zarIre caMdana-vilepana, page pAvaDI ! mAthe chatra ! hAthamAM tridaMDa dhArIne meM 'idaM tRtIyaM' ubhuM karyuM. manomana meM mAnyuM H bhagavAnanA sAdhuo kaSAya rahita che. huM to kaSAya-sahita chuM. mArA kASAyI (bhagavA) kapaDA mArA kaSAyonA pratIka che. bhagavAnanA sAdhuo saMyamathI suvAsita che. mArI pAse evI suvAsa nathI, mATe huM caMdananuM vilepana karIza. mArI para mohanuM chatra che, chatra e vAta jaNAvaze. huM traNa daMDathI gherAyelo chuM, ema mAruM tridaMDa batAvatuM raheze. Ama meM mAro alaga coko ubho karyo. mArI alaga raheNI-karaNI ane veSa joine badhA mANaso mArI pAse AvatA ane pUchatA. svAbhAvika che. tame bIjAthI kaMika navuM karo to lokonuM tamArA tarapha dhyAna dorAvAnuM ja. badhA sIdhA page cAle, paNa tame jo pAchalA page cAlo to lokonA tame AkarSaNa bindu banavAnA ja. mAthuM nIce ne paga upara rAkhIne cAlo to lokanI najara tamArA para paDavAnI ja. jeTalA loko AdinAtha bhagavAna pAse AvatA, teo badhA ja Atma kathAo * 520 prAyaH mArI pAse pAchA AvatA. mane pUchatA : tamAro dharma kayo che ? zuM tame koi navA mata-pravartaka banI rahyA cho ? mAro javAba hato : nA, huM mata-pravartaka nathI. mane mata-pravartaka thavAno, navo dharma calAvavAno koi adhikAra nathI. mArA veSathI saMbhramamAM nahi paDatA. mAruM A to suvidhAvAdI jIvana che. kharo dharma to zrIAdinAthajI pAse che. mArI dezanA zakti evI joradAra hatI, samajAvavAnI zailI evI suMdara hatI ke bhalabhalA mANaso saMsArathI virakta thai dIkSA levA taiyAra thai jatA. hA, mArA ja ziSyo banavA mATe. paNa huM nikhAlasAthI kahI deto : bhAi ! sAcuM sAdhupaNuM zrI AdinAthajI bhagavAna pAse che. saMsAra choDIne sAdhupaNuM svIkAravuM ja hoya to sAcuM sAdhupaNuM svIkAro. nakalI sAdhupaNuM svIkArIne A amUlya jIvananI barabAdI zA mATe karavI ? mAruM sAdhupaNuM to nakalI che. huM tamane nakalI sAdhu banAvavA nathI mAMgato. mArI vAta mAnIne teo AdinAthajI pAse jai dIkSA lai letA ane suMdara rIte pALatA. eka vakhate mane tAva Avyo. evo tAva ke mAruM AkhuM zarIra thara... thara... dhruje ! bolI na zakuM ! cAlI na zakuM ! koi kAma na karI zakuM ! pANI pIvuM hoya ke bhojana levuM hoya ! sUvuM hoya ke cAlavuM hoya, badhI kriyAmAM jabaradasta takalIpha paDavA mAMDI. AvI paristhitimAM paNa mAruM kAma jAte ja karavuM paDyuM. mane madada karavA, mArI sevA karavA AdinAthajInA ATalA sAdhuomAMthI koi paNa na AvyuM. je mArAthI pratibodha pAmIne dIkSita banyA hatA, teo paNa na AvyA. mane bahu mAThuM lAgyuM. A badhAne dIkSAnA bhAva jagADanAro to huM ja hato ne ? chatAMya ekeya birAdara mArI saMbhALa levA Avato nathI ? mANasAinI khAtara ATaluM to karavuM joie ne ! paNa, meM mUrkhAe ema na vicAryuM : bhagavAnanA sAdhuo to sAcA Atma kathAo * 521

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sAdhuo che. teo mArA jevA nakalI sAdhunI sevA zI rIte kare ? emanA mATe to mArA jevA aviratonI sevA karavI doSa che. doSanuM sevana zA mATe kare ? tAvamAM mAruM mana vicAranA cakaDoLe caDyuM H atyAra sudhI to ThIka che, paNa have mAre eka celo to karI ja levo joie. celo hoya to aTakyuM saTakyuM sAje-mAMde kAma lAge. atyAre huM celA vinA kevo herAna thAuM chuM ? eka celo hota to ? keTalo kAma lAgata ? tAvamAMthI to huM ubho thai gayo, paNa celo karI levAnA mArA vicAro atyaMta dRDha banIne UMDe sudhI cAlyA gayA. eka divasa evI taka sAmethI AvI UbhI. kapila nAmano yuvaka mArI upadeza-dhArAthI AplAvita thai dIkSA levA taiyAra thai gayo. meM tene kahyuM : dIkSA levI hoya to jA AdinAtha bhagavAna pAse, tyAM zuddha dharma che.' tyAM dharma che to zuM tamArI pAse dharma nathI ?' mAre to tamArI pAse ja dIkSA levI che. tamArA caraNonI ja sevA karavI che !' bhAvatuM'tuMne vaide kIdhuM. mane tenI A vAta bahu ja gamI gaI. Ameya huM ziSyanI zodhamAM hato ja. emAMya A birAdarano bheTo thai gayo. dareka pIpaLAne bhUta maLI ja rahe meM kahyuM : kapila ! tyAM paNa dharma che. ahIM paNa dharma che. (kavilA ! itsaMpi ihaMpi) khalAsa ! jIvananuM sauthI bhayaMkara pApa-vacana (utsUtra-vacana) mArAthI bolAi gayuM. ziSyanA lobhamAM AMdhaLA banelA meM e joyuM nahi ke huM A zuM bolI rahyo chuM ? kAca ane maNine sarakhA bhAve veMce e jhaverInI hAlata zuM thAya ? hIrA jevA zuddha dharmane meM kAca jevA mArA dharmanI tulanAmAM mUkI dIdho. jina-dharmanI AzAtanA badala meM dIrgha saMsAra ubho karI dIdho. jo ke mane tyAre enI koi ja khabara paDI nahi. karma bAMdhIe chIe tyAre Ameya kyAM khabara paDe che ? bhogavIe chIe tyAre khabara paDe che. managamatuM vadhAre paDatuM khAi jaie chIe tyAre kyAM khabara paDe che ? peTamAM duHkhe che tyAre khabara paDe. Atma kathAo * 522 karma bAMdhatI vakhate jIva svataMtra che. karma bhogavatI vakhate jIva parataMtra che. keTaluM khAvuM ? zuM khAvuM ? te mATe jIva svataMtra che. paNa khAdhA pachI peTano duHkhAvo thavo ke na thavo te mANasanA hAthamAM nathI. tyAM parataMtra che. svataMtratA vakhate hoza khoine jIva ADedhaDa kAryo kare che. pachI parataMtratA vakhate te ekadama dIna banI jAya che. svataMtratA vakhate ja jo te sAvadha rahe to parataMtratA bhogavavAnA divaso Ave ? khAtI vakhate ja khyAla rAkhavAmAM Ave to pachI peTanI pIDA bhogavavAno samaya Ave ? karma-baMdhana svataMtra che. karmano bhogavaTo parAdhInatA che. svataMtratAno koi, evo upayoga to na ja kare jethI parAdhIna banavuM paDe. paNa, meM ja evo upayoga karyo. ziSya-mohamAM meM utsUtra-prarUpaNa karIne kapilane dIkSA ApI mAro ziSya banAvyo. mArA pachI kapile mArA matane dArzanika rUpa ApI eka paraMparA calAvI. Aje tame jene sAMkhya-darzananA praNetA mAno cho, te ja kapila muni ! zarIranA mohe sarvavirati khoi. ziSyanA mohe sakita khoyuM. mithyAmatano huM pravartaka banyo. mArA pachI keTalAya varSo sudhI e mithyAparaMparA cAlatI rahI. eka vakhate mArA pitAjI cakravartI bharata mArI pAse AvyA. traNa pradakSiNA ApI mane vaMdana karIne kahyuM : he marIci ! huM tArA A tridaMDI veSane praNAma karato nathI, paNa tArA bhAvi prabhurUpane praNAma karuM chuM. Aje bhagavAna AdinAthajIe dharmasabhAmAM mArA praznanA uttararUpe kahyuM : marIci A avasarpiNImAM tripRSTa nAme prathama vAsudeva thaze. mahAvideha kSetranI mUkAnagarImAM priyamitra nAme cakravartI thaze tathA A bharatakSetranA Atma kathAo * 523

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aMtima tIrthaMkara vardhamAna svAmI thaze. atyAre tridaMDI veSe cho, mATe nahi. tame bhaviSyamAM vAsudeva ke cakravartI banazo mATe paNa nahi, paraMtu tame tIrthaMkara banazo mATe huM vaMdana karuM chuM. kharekhara tame bhAgyazALI cho. uttamAtmA cho. tamArA parama tattvane mArA anaMta-anaMta namana !' cakravartI bharata to Ama kahIne jatA rahyA, paNa ATalA ja vAkyothI mArAmAM ahaMkAranI vAvaNI thai gai. mArA magajamAM evI rAi bharAi gai ke huM nAcavA ja maMDI paDyo. hAthamAM tridaMDa lai goLa goLa ghUmavA lAgyo. huM ekalo hato eTale mArI ahaMkAra-vRtti bephAma banIne bahAra AvI, nRtyarUpe vyakta thavA lAgI. mArA dAdA pahelA tIrthaMkara ! mArA pitAjI pahelA cakravartI ! huM pahelo vAsudeva ! aho kevuM uMcuM mAruM kuLa ! ame traNeya badhI bAbatamAM pahelAM ! 'huM vAsudeva banIza. cakravartI banIza. are, tIrthaMkara paNa banIza. jagatanI sarvotkRSTa padavIo mane maLaze. zuM mAro vaTa ! zuM mAruM kuLa !' Ama bolato bolato huM keTalAya samaya sudhI nAcato rahyo. mArI vAta sAva sAcI hatI, paNa te aMgenuM mAruM abhimAna sAva khoTuM hatuM. madathI chakI gayelo huM nAcato rahyo, hasato rahyo. paNa mane khabara hatI ke karmasattA paNa mArI sAme hasI rahI che ? jenuM abhimAna karIe te vastu karmasattA ApaNI pAsethI chInavI le che, e vAta huM jANato nahoto AthI ja abhimAnathI matta banI rahyo hato. e vakhate meM evuM nikAcita nIca gotra karma bAMdhyuM ke chellA bhavamAM jyAre huM tIrthaMkara mahAvIra svAmI banyo tyAre paNa e karma mAre bhogavavuM paDayuM. koi paNa tIrthaMkara Adi ucca AtmAo ucca kuLamAM ja avatare, paNa huM 82 divasa sudhI halakA kuLamAM rahyo te A karmanA prabhAve. accherA tarIke AvIne paNa karmasattAe potAno hisAba vasUla karyo to karyo ja. Atma kathAo * 524 (6) huM nAra nArada kevA hoya ? zeThane kahe : tame jAgatA rahejo. corane kahe : tuM corI karaje. AvuM kahIne beyane laDAvanArane loko nArada kahe che. koi AvuM kare tene loko 'nAradaveDA' kahe che. 'nArada, nArI, nirdaya, citta, kalaha udIre traNeya nitta.' nArada eTale ? jhaghaDAkhora ! nArada eTale ? pharatArAma ! nArada eTale ? kautuka premI ! Ama nArada viSe tame ghaNuM ADuM-avaLuM sAMbhaLyuM haze ! paNa sikkAnI bIjI bAju tame joi ? guNI puruSamAM jema thoDA-ghaNAM avaguNo paNa hoya che, tema game tevA durguNImAM thoDA-ghaNA guNo paNa hovAnA ja. nAradamAM paNa tema koika guNa hovAnA ja. tamane kadI dekhAya ? nahi ? Avo, huM ja tamane batAvuM. bIjuM zuM thAya ? tame mane sAva ja jhaghaDAkhora kahIne kADhI mUko to mAre sva-prazaMsArUpa dUSaNano Azaro laine paNa guNo to batAvavA ja paDe ne ? mArA guNo bIjA na gAya tyAre mAre to gAvA paDe ne ! mArA guNa huM ja na gAuM to bIjuM koNa gAze ? bIjAne kyAM eTalI navarAza che ke mArA mATe ATalo samaya kADhe ? nArada bhale jhaghaDAkhora kahevAtA hoya, paNa yAda rAkhajo ke teo brahmacaryanA khUba ja pAkA hoya ! teo game tyAM harI-pharI zake che. rAjAonA aMtaHpuramAM praveza karatAM paNa temane koi aTakAvI zakatuM nathI. A eka ja guNanA kAraNe teo sadgatimAM jAya che. eka avasarpiNI ke utsarpiNImAM nava nArado thatA hoya che. teo badhA ja sadgatimAM jAya che. Atma kathAo * 525

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sadgatimAM janAro jIva kevo hoya ? enuM hRdaya dayAthI kevuM bharyuM bharyuM hoya ! jUThathI e keTale Darato hoya ? e badhuM jANavuM che ? lo, to mArI ja vAta tame jANI lo. kSIra kadaMbaka nAmanA adhyApaka pAse ame traNa vidyArthIo bhaNatA hatA. huM, guruputra parvataka ane rAjAno putra vasu ! ame traNeya alagaalaga sthaLethI ahIM bhaNavA mATe AvelA. gurunI sevA karavAnI ane bhaNavAnuM ! kyAreka jaMgalamAMthI lAkaDA lAvavAnA hoya to kyAreka gAyo carAvavA javAnuM hoya to kyAreka jhUMpaDI sApha karavAnI hoya. A badhA ja kAma ame premathI karatA, vinayapUrvaka karatA. Ama zikSaNa mAtra zAstra pUratuM maryAdita na rahetAM, jIvanamAM paNa utAravAnuM rahetuM. AthI jIvana ane zikSaNa, zrama ane jJAna baMneno amArAmAM samakakSI vikAsa thato. zramathI ke jIvanathI dUra bhagADe te jJAna zA kAmanuM ? jJAna vagaranA jIvana ke zrama paNa zA kAmanA ? mAtra zrama pAse dhaDa che, paNa mAthuM nathI. mAtra jJAna pAse mAthuM che, paNa dhaDa nathI. ApaNe to dhaDa ane mAthuM baMne joie. mAtra mAthAno vikAsa kare tene ja jJAna na kahevAya, mAthA sAthe dhaDano paNa vikAsa jarUrI che. eka vakhate amane traNeyane amArA gurue ekeka kUkaDo ApatAM kahyuM: 'juo, A jIvita kUkaDA tamane traNeyane ApyA che. maMtrazaktithI meM mUcchita banAvelA che. have e kUkaDAonI tamAre evA sthAne jai hatyA karavAnI che. jyAM tamane koI jotuM na hoya.' ame traNeya alaga-alaga dizAmAM nIkaLI paDyA. dUra dUra jaMgalamAM huM jai caDyo. mane vicAra Avyo : mArA gurunI AjJA che : koi na jotuM hoya tyAM hatyA karavI. paNa kai jagyA evI che jyAM koi jotuM na hoya ? jaMgalamAM vanadevo jotA nahi hoya ? pazu-paMkhIo jotA nathI ? kevaLajJAnI siddha bhagavaMto jotA nathI? are... huM pote ja joto nathI ? koi jagyA evI to na ja hoya jyAM huM na joi zakuM, kevaLajJAnIo na joi zake. koI jotuM hoya tyAM to haNavAnI nA pADI Atma kathAo * 526 che. zuM Ano artha evo thai zake ke kukaDo haNavAno ja nathI ! hA, ema ja hoi zake. parama dayALu guru AvI hatyAnI AjJA kare ja zAnA? nAnakaDI kIDIne paNa bacAvavAnI vAta karanArA guru kUkaDAne mAravAnI vAta kare ja kyAMthI ? kUkaDAnI hatyA karyA vinA ja huM pAcho pharyo. mArAthI pahelA ja parvataka ane vasu baMne AvI pahoMcyA hatA. baMnenA lAla hAtha kUkaDAnI hatyA jaNAvatA hatA. guru udAsa thaine beThelA hatA. mane jotAM ja AnaMdathI jhUmI uThyA. pUchyuM : "kema ? te kUkaDAnI hatyA na karI ?' nA... gurujI ! mane koi evuM sthAna ja na maLyuM jyAM koi jotuM na hoya. kevaLajJAnIo to badhe ja jue ja che ne ? huM kai rIte kUkaDAne mArI zakuM ?" gurue mArI vAta vadhAvI lIdhI. mane vAtsalyathI navaDAvI dIdho. pelA bene ThapakAratAM kahyuM : "are, mUkhao ! tamane ATalI sIdhI-sAdI vAta na samajAi ? huM kadI hatyA mATe AjJA karuM ? Aja sudhI kadI karI che ? jarA to rahasyArtha vicAravo'to ? tame mArI parIkSAmAM nApAsa thayA. meM to mAtra tamArI parIkSA mATe kukaDA ApelA. hakIkatamAM e loTamAMthI banAvelA che. emAM lAkhano rasa bharelo, jethI tamane lohIno bhrama thAya. ATaluM bolatAM amArA adhyApake gherA viSAdamAM paDI gayA. pachIthI teo amane bhaNAvatA kharA, paNa mana vagara ja. divase divase saMsArathI vadhu ne vadhu virakta thatA jatA hatA. pachI to temaNe saMsArano parityAga karIne saMnyAsa ja svIkAra lIdho ane ame svasthAne gayA. pachIthI jANavA maLyuM ke rAtrinA samaye koi AkAzagAmI jaina muni dvArA sAMbhaLavA maLeluM ke A traNa vidyArthIomAMthI be narake ane eka svarge jaze. kukaDAnI parIkSA dvArA svaputra parvata ane rAjaputra vasune narakagAmI jANI teo viSAdathI gherAi gayA : jene huM bhaNAvuM-gaNAvuM te ja mAro putra tathA rAjAno putra baMne Akhare narake ja javAnA hoya to mAre Atma kathAo * para7

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bhaNAvIne kAma zuM che ? saMsArano artha zo ? salAma AvA saMsArane, jyAM ApaNA ja putra ane vidyArthIone narake jatA aTakAvI na zakAya ! alavidA A saMsArane ! A ja emanA saMsAra-tyAganuM kAraNa ! ghaNA varSo pachI huM guru-putra parvatane maLavA gayo. tyAre tenI naraka mATenI yogyatA pharIthI dekhAi. e potAnA pitAnA sthAne besIne vidyArthIone bhaNAvato hato. 'manaiyagvyam' no teNe artha karyo : "bakarAthI yajJa karavo joie.' kahyuM : are parabata ! gurue 'aja'no artha bakarA nahi, 'traNa varSa jUnuM dhAnya A artha kahyo che. tuM A UMdhuM kyAM bAphe che ? 'nA, gurue meM kahyo tevo ja artha kahelo. tane zI khabara ? huM to emano ja putra ! mane badhI khabara hoya. tuM garabaDa na kara." teno ahaMkAra uchaLI paDyo. mANasa Ameya bhUla kabUlavA taiyAra na thAya, tyAM badhAnI vacce bhUla kabUle ja kyAMthI ? mArI bhUla koi batAve ? huM ene sahI lauM ? evuM kadI banI zake nahi. mArAmAM kadI bhUla hoi ja na zake. bhaNAvanArAnI bhUla hoi zake, zAstramAM bhUla hoI zake, paNa mArAmAM to bhUla na ja hoya. huM eTale sauthI viziSTa ! vizvamAM sauthI ananya ! mArI bhUla koi batAve, e huM sahana karI lauM ? nahi, nahi, haragIjha nahi. ahaMkAranA phaMphADA AvA ja hoya ne ! jANavA chatAM bhUla kabUla karavAnI vAta to ghera gai, paNa uparathI te mane jUTho kahevA lAgyo. huM 'jUThAM'no AkSepa to zI rIte sahI lauM ? Akhare ame baMnee nakkI karyuM. trIjo vidyArthI vasu (je atyAre rAjA che), je kahe te pramANe mAnavuM. 'je hAre teNe jIbha kheMcAvavA taiyAra rahevuM paDaze.' evuM parvata nakkI karAvyuM. nakkI karelA divase ame vasu rAjA pAse nirNaya pUchavA gayA. Atma kathAo * 528 mane to pUrNa vizvAsa hato ke vasu mArI tarapheNamAM ja bolaze. kAraNa ke huM sAco hato. vaLI satyavAdI tarIke vasunI cAre bAju prasiddhi hatI. paNa mArA Azcarya vacce vasue kahyuM : parvata sAcI che. nArada jUTho che ! mArA paga nIcethI to jANe dharatI sarakI gai. AghAtathI stabdha banelA meM jyAM vasurAjAnI sAme joyuM te ja vakhate dhaDUma... rAjA nIce gabaDyo. jorathI mAthuM jamIna sAthe TakarAyuM. tenuM siMhAsana (je AkAzamAM laTake che, evuM lokone dekhAtuM) jamIna para TakarAine tUTIphUTI gayuM. rAjAnA mukhamAMthI lohInI UlaTIo thavA lAgI. huM haju kAMi karuM na karuM, boluM na boluM te pahelAM ja vasurAjAnA rAma ramI gayA. pAchaLathI mane jANavA maLyuM ke vasue parvatanI mAtAnA dabANathI jUThuM kahyuM hatuM. tenI mAtA sAco artha jANavA chatAM putra mohe jUThI vAtamAM sAkSI ApavA gorANInA nAte rAjA pAse AvelI ane rAjAne te mATe samajAvIne agAuthI ja jayaMtra taiyAra karI dIdheluM. haLAhaLa jUThanA kAraNe kSetradevatAe tene siMhAsanathI nIce pachADyo. marIne te sAtamI narake gayo, mRSAnubaMdhI raudradhyAnanA prabhAve. enA pachI 7-8 jeTalI vyaktio, siMhAsana para beThI te badhAne paNa devatAe bhoMya para paTakI. jUThano pratyakSa paraco maLavA chatAM parvata na sudharyo te na ja sudharyo. mahAkAla nAmanA devanI sahAyatAthI teNe bakarAonA homavALA yajJo Thera-Thera zarU karAvyA. je bhAratamAM lagabhaga sarvatra vyApaka thai gayA ! meM A mithyA paraMparA dabAvavA khUba ja prayatna karyA. zarUAtathI ja karyo, paNa Akhare e zarU thai ja. AvA yajJo karavA jIvonA pApa karmo ja jora karatA hoya, bhavitavyatA ja dhakko mArIne te dizAmAM lai jatI hoya tyAM bIjA koi zuM karI zake ? nArada tarIkenuM mAruM samyak pAsu tamane jovA maLyuM ne ? 'nAradaveDA' zabdano prayoga karIne have mane badanAma nahi karo ne ? Atma kathAo * pa29

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- (68) huM bharava (dvighAvasthA) phaka ekI sAthe be kAma sAme AvI paDe che tyAre mANasa muMjhAi jAya che. A karuM ke peluM? mananI A avasthAne ApaNe "dvidhA' kahIe chIe. dvidhAmAM paDelo mANasa muMjhavaNa anubhavato rahe che, anirNAyakatAno kedI banI jAya che. ghaNIvAra to A dvidhA eTalI lAMbI cAle che ke keTalAya varSo sudhI mANasa nakkI karI zakato nathI ke mAre A karavuM ke peluM karavuM? ghaNAnuM to anirNAyakatA ane aspaSTa vicAromAM ja jIvana pUruM thai jAya che. "duvidhA meM dono gaye, mAyA milI na rAma' Ama AvAnuM jIvana joine ja koIke kahyuM haze ! jIvanamAM kSaNika dvidhA to lagabhaga badhAe anubhavI ja haze ! darekanA jIvanamAM pasaMdagI karavAno nirNaya karavAno eka tabakko AvI ja pahoMce che. e vakhate karelo nirNaya jIvanano Akho rAha ja badalAvI nAMkhe che. eka mArga hoya che anukULatAno, bIjo pratikULatAno ! zreyano ane premano ! gulAbano ane kAMTAno ! hitano ane managamato ! moTA bhAge mANasa anukULatAno, premano, gulAbano mArga ja pasaMda kare che. hitanI upekSA kare che ane manane mITho lAgato mArga pakaDI le che. ahIM ja mANasa thApa khAi jAya che ! DhALa joine je dhasI na paDe, mAtra gulAba joine mohAi na paDe, paNa viveka buddhipUrvaka dUrano vicAra kare te jItI jAya che. mArA jIvanamAM paNa dvidhAno eka prasaMga Avelo ! dvidhAnA prasaMge ja mANasanI vivekazaktinI parIkSA thAya che, ema tyAre mane samajAyeluM. vAta ema banelI ke eka vakhate mane samAcAra maLyA. rAjanuM! cakraratna utpanna thayuM che. cakranI yathAyogya pUjA karavA Apa padhAro. te ja vakhate bIjA eka mANase samAcAra ApyA : naranAtha ! ApanA pitAjI zrI AdinAthaprabhujIne Aje kevaLajJAna thayuM che. hajAra-hajAra varSanI sAdhanA phaLI che. kSaNavAra huM vicAramAM mUkAi gayo : mAre zuM karavuM? kevaLajJAnI prabhu Atma kathAo * 530 pAse pahelAM javuM ke cakraratnanI pUjA karavA prathama javuM? pahelAM to mane evo vicAra Avyo : bhagavAnanI saMbhALa lenArA ghaNAya che. huM eka na gayo to zuM pharaka paDavAno che? vaLI, cakranI to mAre ja saMbhALa levAnI che. cakranA kAraNe to huM cakravartI thavAno chuM. e cakranI upekSA zI rIte thaI zake ? mArA sivAya cakranI pUjA bIjuM koi karI zake tema paNa nathI. prathama cakraratnanI pUjA karI pachI zAMtithI bhagavAna pAse jAuM. jethI tyAM zAMtacitte bhagavAnanI dezanA sAMbhaLI zakuM. nahi to tyAM paNa cakranI ciMtA raheze. sAcuM kahejo : tamane jamAirAja ane munirAja baMne AvavAnA ekIsAthe samAcAra maLe tyAre zuM vicAro ? "munirAjane saMbhALanAra to Akho saMgha che, jyAre jamAi mATe to huM eka ja chuM. jamAine levA ja prathama sAre javuM joie' AvuM ja vicArone ? jevuM hamaNAM huM vicArI rahyo hato. paNa tyAM ja mArI vicAradhArA badalAi. mArI aMdara sUtelI vivekazakti jAgI uThI : arere... A huM zuM vicArI rahyo chuM? bhagavAnane kevaLajJAna ne huM cakra pAse doDuM ? je cakrathI mANasonA mAthA kApI zakAya, je cakra aDhaLaka karmo ja baMdhAve, e cakranI pAchaLa cakrama thavAnuM ? je bhagavAna kevaLajJAna dvArA jagatanuM AkhuM svarUpa jANIne loko samakSa batAvavAnA hoya, tIrthanI sthApanA karavAnA hoya, asaMkhya lokonA uddhAra mATe dharmarUpI jahAja saMsAranA samudramAM vahetuM mUkavAnA hoya, tyAre huM ja gerahAjara rahuM ? emAMya huM prabhuno sauthI jyeSTha putra ! mArAthI gerahAjara rahevAya ja zI rIte ? kyAM taraNatAraNahAra tIrthaMkaranuM kevaLajJAna ? tIrtha sthApanAno samaya ? ne kyAM karma-baMdhanuM kAraNa cakra? ne.. meM cakra-pUjA choDIne dharma cakravartInI pAse javA vicAryuM. mArAM dAdI marudevA mAtA eka hajAra varSathI raDI rahyAM hatAM. RSabha ! RSabha ! mAro RSabha ! zuM karato haze ? kyAM khAto haze? kyAM raheto haze ? koI saMbhALa letuM haze ? Ama lagAtAra eka hajAra varSa sudhI eTalo vilApa karelo ke AMkhe aMdhApo AvI gayelo. paNa haju emano vilApa aTakyo nahoto. mane to roja saMbhaLAve : are, bharata ! tuM cha khaMDanI samRddhimAM ALoTe che jyAre RSabha ughADe page Atma kathAo * 531

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cAle che. kaMika to vicAra kara. pitAjIne kyAreka to yAda kara, kyAreka to mane RSabhanA darzana karAva. kevaLajJAnI AdinAthajInI pAse jatAM pahelAM meM dAdI marudevAne paNa sAthe lIdhAM, hAthInI aMbADIe besADyA. dUrathI meM bhagavAnanuM samavasaraNa joyuM : are ! zuM adbhuta e dezya hatuM. cAMdI-sonA ane ratnonA gaDha ! ratnamaya siMhAsana para birAjamAna prabhu ! upara traNa chatra ! mastakanI pAchaLa camakatuM bhAmaMDaLa ! baMne bAju vIMjhAtA cAmara ! vaccovacca UMcuM azoka vRkSa ! phUlanI vRSTi ! karNapriya divyadhvani ane devaduMdubhino avAja ! meM kahyuM? dAdImA ! A juo tamArA RSabhano ThATha! A vAjIMtrono avAja Ave che e bAju RSabhadeva birAjamAna che. dAdImAnA romAMca vikasvara thayA. harSAvezamAM AMkho khulI gai. aMdhApo TaLI gayo. teo dharAi-dharAine RSabhane jovA lAgyA. thoDI ja seMkaDomAM dAdImAnA caherA para eTalI zAMti chavAi gai ke jenuM zabdo varNana na karI zake. meM ATalI zAMti kyAreya emanA caherA para joi nhotI. paNa A zuM ? emanuM zarIra nizreSTa banIne DhaLI paDyuM. huM tarata ja temanI pAse gayo. zarIra ThaMDuM thai gayuM hatuM. hRdayanA dhabakArA ane nADInuM spaMdana aTakI gayuM hatuM. mane samajatAM vAra na lAgI ke pUrva koDa varSanI uMmaravALA dAdImAnuM prANa paMkheruM uDI gayuM che. huM stabdha thai gayo : A raMgamAM bhaMga kyAM paDyo? haju tIrthanI sthApanA thai nathI ne tyAM A maraNa ? e paNa bhagavAnanI mAtAjInuM ja ? AvA maMgaLa prasaMge A amaMgaLa ghaTanA na kahevAya ? te ja vakhate mArI vicAra-dhArAne toDatAM jaNAvavAmAM AvyuM : rAjana ! A amaMgaLa nahi, parama maMgaLa che. marudevI mAtAnuM mRtyu nathI thayuM, mokSa thayo che. teo kAyAnI kedamAMthI mukata thai haMmeza mATe mukti mahelamAM birAjamAna thai gayA che. janma-maraNanA cakra haMmeza mATe aTakI gayA che. A avasarpiNI yugamAM sau prathama mokSe javAnuM temaNe saubhAgya Atma kathAo * 532 meLavyuM che. Ane amaMgaLa kahIzuM to maMgaLa kone kahIzuM ? pharI vicAramAM garakAva thai gayo : oha! dAdImAM mokSe gayAM? na emaNe koi tapa-japa karyA, na koi bIjI sAdhanA karI ane sIdho ja mokSa? mane sAMbhaLavA maLyuM : nigodamAMthI keLanA bhavamAM ne keLanA bhavathI manuSyanA bhavamAM marudevA AvelAM. AkhA bhavacakramAM pahelI vAra mAnava-bhava maLyo ne eka ja jhATake pragatinA zikharo sara karI lIdhAM. AkhA bhavacakramAM kyAreya nathI devalokamAM gayAM ke nathI narakamAM gayAM, nathI be indriya, te indriya ke caurindriya banyAM ke nathI tiryaMca paMcendriya banyAM. AvuM dRSTAMta bIjuM koi tame sAMbhaLyuM che ? mane to nathI sAMbhaLavA maLyuM. sAmAnya rIte keTalAya janmonI sAdhanA ekaThI thAya tyAre kevaLajJAna meLavavA jeTalI pUrvabhUmikA taiyAra thAya. jyAre ahIM badhuM ja sahaja rIte banI gayuM. yoga be prakAre kahyAM che : karaNa ane bhavana ! puruSArthathI karavAmAM Ave te karaNayoga. sahajatApUrvaka thai jAya te bhavanayoga ! bhavanayoganAM svAmI banI gayA marudevA ! zuM kAraNa haze : ATalA jaldI mokSanuM ? eka hajAra varSa sudhI RSabha... RSabha... RSabha... jApa karyo te kAraNa haze ? bhale putranA mohathI karyo, paNa hatuM to prabhunuM nAma ne ! mAnasa-cetanA to prabhu sAthe ja joDAine ! athavA zuM harSAvezathI khulI gayelI AMkhothI prabhunA darzana karatAM parama AnaMda pAmyA eTale kevaLajJAna maLyuM haze ? athavA je RSabha para ATalo rAga hato te putra RSabhane vItarAgI joine Ama vicAryuM haze : arere...! huM hajAra varSathI enA viyogamAM jhUrI jhUrIne marI gai ! raDI-raDIne AMdhaLI thai gai ! paNa A dIkaro to mArI sAmuMya nathI joto ! majethI siMhAsana para beTho che ! ene kyAM paDI che mAnI ? aho ! saMsAranI svArthamayatA ! ahIM koNa konuM che ? ahIM koi koinI mAtA nathI. koi koinA putra nathI." Atma kathAo * 533

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na (64) huM kALiyo kasAI ki Ama saMsAranI asAratAnI vicAraNAthI utpanna thayelI vairAgyanI tIvra dhArAthI to kevaLajJAna nahi thayuM hoya ne ! e game to hoya, paNa emanI tathAbhavyatA jaldI pAkI gai, e nakkI. dAdI marudevInI aMtima vidhi devoe karI. huM samavasaraNamAM beTho. dezanA sAMbhaLI. virakta thayelA mArA putra RSabhasena Adie dIkSA lIdhI. tripadInA zravaNa dvArA dvAdazAMgInI racanA, tIrthanI sthApanA vagere maMgala kAryo jovAM maLyAM. caturvidha saMghanI sthApanAmAM mArA putra muni RSabhasena (puMDarIkasvAmI) prathama gaNadhara banyA ane zrAvakomAM mukhya huM banyo. pachI mane vicAra Avyo : jo huM bhagavAnane choDIne cakranI pUjA karavA doDI gayo hota to ? marudevI dAdInI muktigamananI maMgala ghaTanA jovA maLata ? tIrthasthApanAno maMgaLa avasara nihALavA maLata ? keTalA badhA dhanya prasaMgothI huM vaMcita raheta ? - vaLI, bhaviSyanI prajA paNa kaheta : 'bharata keTalo avivekI ? potAnA pitA bhagavAnane kevaLajJAna thayuM hovA chatAM tyAM na jatAM cakra pUjA mATe doDI gayo. rAjya sivAya ene kazAmAM rasa hoto.' mAro khoTo dAkhalo ApIne bhAvinI keTalIye peDhIo avivekanuM AcaraNa karata ! paNa, mane mArI vivekazaktie bacAvI lIdho. tamArA jIvanamAM paNa jyAre jyAre dvidhAno prasaMga Ave tyAre DhALa joine dhasI nahi paDatA, gulAba joine lalacAI nahi jatA, anukULatAmAM Asakata nahi banato. bhAvimAM je hitakArI hoya te ja nirNaya karajo. pachI bhale kAMTA para cAlavuM paDe ke Aga para ! dhIre-dhIre kAMTA ja phUla banI jaze ane Aga ja bAga banI jaze. jo ulTa mArge gayA to bAga paNa Aga ane phUla paNa kAMTA banI jaze, e bhUlazo nahi. hA.. hA... hA... hA... hiMsA e ja mAruM jIvana ! hiMsA ja mAruM sarvasva ! ahiMsAno upadeza ApanArA to kAyaro che, bhAgeDuo che. jagatanI vyavasthAne samajI ja nathI; ahiMsAvAdIoe. tame mane hiMsaka kahIne niMdo cho, paNa huM kahuM chuM ke kudarata AkhI hiMsAnA pAyA para racAyelI che. hiMsAno virodha karavo eTale kudaratano virodha karavo ! hiMsAno Adara karavo eTale kudaratane sahakAra Apavo ! mAre tamane sahakAra Apavo ke kudaratane ? juo, moTuM magaramaccha moTA mAchalAne gaLI jAya che. e mAchaluM nAnA mAchalAne, e vaLI enAthI nAnAne gaLI jAya che. mAkhI nAnA jaMtune khAya che to mAkhIne deDako khAya che. deDakAne sApa ane sApane ajagara khAya che. A kudaratamAM zakti che enuM ja jIvana che. 'mAre tenI talavAra... lAThI tenI bheMsa ane baLiyAnA be bhAga'nA siddhAMtomAM kudarata mAne che, paNa kAyara mANasoe kudaratanI viruddhamAM paDIne ahiMsAnuM tUta UbhuM karyuM che. huM to khullI celenja sAthe kahuM chuM : A jagatamAM koi paNa jIvaMta prANI hiMsA vinA jIvI zake ja nahi. mANasane jIvavA tame jo mAMsAhAra na Apo (kAraNa ke tame ahiMsaka cho. annAhArI cho) to paNa vanaspati to ApavI ja paDaze ne ? A vanaspati paNa ahiMsakonI dRSTie jIvanavALI ja che ne ? vanaspatinuM bhakSaNa karIne mANasa jIve ne pANI, havA, mATI AdinuM bhakSaNa karIne vanaspati jIve che. havA, pANI, agni vagere paNa eka-bIjAnA bhakSaNa karatAM ja rahe che. pANI, agni, vanaspati, mATI sivAyanAM bIjAM jIvaMtajaMtuo prANIo te spaSTarUpe, eka-bIjAne khAtAM dekhAya ja che. siMha, vAgha, dIpaDA vagere haraNa-sasalAM vagerene khAya. pakSIo paNa nAnAM jaMtuonuM bhakSaNa najara sAme karatAM dekhAya che. AmAM ahiMsA AvI ja kyAM ? kudaratano kAyado che : hiMsA ! mUrkha mANasano kAyado che : ahiMsA ! Atma kathAo * 535 Atma kathAo * 534

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mUrkha mANaso sAthe besIne huM zA mATe akudaratI jIvana gALuM ? mAruM to kAma ja kudaratane sahakAra ApavAnuM ! roja pAMcaso pADA mAravAnuM ! ane juo, mAruM kula paNa kevuM uttama ! kudaratane sahakAra ApanAruM ! bApadAdAthI amAro cAlyo Avato A ja dhaMdho ! roja seMkaDo mANasone mAMsa pUruM karavAnuM umadA kAma mAre karavAnuM! hu jo A kAma na karuM to bicArA A mAMsAhArI mANaso du:khI du:khI thai jAya. pelA ahiMsAvAdIo pADA vagere para to dayA kare che, paNa mANaso para nathI karatA. mAMsAhAra priya hoya tevAne mAMsa pUruM pADavuM e umadA kAma nathI ? tamane zuM lAge che ? kema vicAramAM paDI gayA ? mArI vAta tamane nathI gamatI ? game paNa kyAMthI ? nAnapaNathI ja ahiMsA... ahiMsAnI vAto sAMbhaLI-sAMbhaLIne tamArAM magaja bahera mArI gayAM che. zuddha bhASAmAM kahuM to saDI gayAM che ! saDelA magajamAM umadA vicAro kyAMthI Ave ? tamArI najare to huM khATakI, kasAi, krUra ! katleAma calAvanAro rAkSasa.' kema kharuM ne ? paNa katalanI paNa eka majhA hoya che te tame kadI mANI che ? katala karavAmAM paNa mardAnagI joie, e tame jANo cho ? jovuM hoya to Avo, mArA kasAivADe ! khaccAka... mAro charo bhoMkAtAM ja kapAi jatuM mAthuM ! taraphaDatuM zarIra ! nIkaLatuM lohI ! e joine ja dhrUjatA UbhelA bIjA pADA ! kAcA-pocAnuM to A dazyo jovAnuM kAma nahi. ahIM to marda mANasanuM kAma ! marda hoya to mAre tyAM Take ! bIjA to joine ja bhAge ! kadAca jovA paNa UbhA na rahe. ja roja pAMcaso pADA mAravAnuM kAma huM pUrI niSThAthI karato, tame jema roja darzana-pUjA karo cho. tame mAnazo ? meM eka divasano paNa khADo nahoto karyo... varSo sudhI A silasilo cAlyo, paNa eka divasa emAM khAmI AvI. Atma kathAo - 536 vAta ema banI ke mahArAjA zreNika taraphathI mane hukama Avyo H AvatI kAle tAre pAMcaso pADA mAravAnA nathI. huM to stabdha thai gayo. meM rAjA pAse jaine kahyuM : mahArAjA ! AmAM khoTuM zuM che ? A to amArA bApa-dAdAthI cAlyo Avato akhaMDa dhaMdho ! ApanA pitAjI prasenajite paNa ene kadI khaMDita karyo nathI. Apa kema karo cho ? lAge che, Apa koka ahiMsAvAdInA ravADe caDyA oN. mArA dhaMdhAthI keTalo phAyado thAya che te Apa jANo cho ? A nagaramAM hajAro pazuo che. emAM bheMsa, bakarI vagere to mANasane dUdha mATe kAma lAge, paNa pADA-bakarA zA kAmanA ? na dUdhamAM kAma lAge, na bIje kyAMya ! enuM sarjana ja kudarate maravA mATe ja karyuM che. mAro dhaMdho kudaratanA A saMketane sahakAra ApavAno che. A rIte pADA na mAravAmAM Ave to pADAonI saMkhyA eTalI vadhI jaze ke emane sAcavavA muzkela thai paDaze. Apa to A badhuM samajo cho, Apane vadhu zuM kahevAnuM hoya ?' besa, besa, boghA ! jIbha bahu lAMbI thai gai che. mane tuM samajAvavA Avyo che ? mAro hukama che : AvatI kAle tArI katala baMdha rahe. e sivAya bIjuM kazuM mAre sAMbhaLavuM nathI. hukama eTale hukama !' mahArAjA tADUkI UThyA. huM mahArAjAnI sAme to kAMi bolI na zakyo, paNa manomana meM nakkI karyuM H game te rIte AvatI kAle 500 pADA mAravA eTale mAravA ja. na mAruM to mAruM nAma kALiyo kasAi nahi ! paNa, bIje divase gajaba thai gayo. 500 pADA mAravAnI mArI haTha jANe zreNika jANI gayA hoya tema temaNe mane eka aMdhAriyA kUvAmAM utAryo. upara paga ne nIce mAthuM ! mahArAjAne ema ke have 500 pADA kyAMthI mAraze ? paNa, huM kAMi ochI mAyA nahoto. game te rIte 500 pADA mAravAno niyama to jALavI ja rAkhavo. mAro dRDha nirNaya hato. paNa Atma kathAo * 537

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ahIM 500 pADA lAvavA kyAMthI ? meM buddhi lagAvI. kUvAmAM paDelA kIcaDamAMthI pADA banAvavA mAMDyA ane eka pachI eka huM mAravA lAgyo. zuM thAya ? sAcA pADA na maLe to mATInA pADAthI calAvI levuM paDe. sonAnAM ghareNAM na maLe to tAMbA ke cAMdInAM ghareNAMthI calAvavuM nathI paDatuM ? tame loko, sAkSAt "bhagavAna" na maLe tyAre paththaranI temanI pratikRtithI calAvI nathI letA ? paththaranI mUrtithI tame tamArA bhagavAnane pUjI zakatA ho to huM mATInA pADA mAravA dvArA mAro niyama kema na nibhAvI zakuM ? zreNike jyAre mAruM A parAkrama joyuM haze tyAre kevA duHkhI thayA haze ! pachIthI mane jANavA maLyuM : zreNike mahAvIranA kahevAthI potAnI naraka baMdha karavA traNa TucakA karelAM. (1) kALiyo kasAi eka divasa 500 pADA na mAre. (2) kapilA dAsI jaina munine anna-dAna kare. (3) puNiyo zrAvaka potAnA eka sAmayikanuM phaLa Ape. paNa traNeya TucakA niSphaLa gayA. meM mATInA pADA mAryA. kapilAe kaDachAthI ema kahIne dAna karyuM : huM nahi, zreNikano A camaco Ape che. puNiyo sAmayikanuM phaLa na ApI zakyo. mUrkha zreNika narakathI DaravA lAgyo : hAya ! hAya ! mAre narakamAM javuM paDaze. sAce ja mUrkhAo ja narakathI Dare. narakano Dara ane svarganI lAlaca para to A kahevAto dharma Takelo che. mahAvIra jevA jAdugaro mANasanA manano A svabhAva (bhaya ane lAlacano) jANIne ja to dharmanA nAme potAnuM zAsana calAve che. mArA jevo to narakathI jarAya na Dare. mane koi kahe tAre marIne sAtamI narake javuM paDaze to huM kahI dauM : huM AThamI narake javA taiyAra chuM. narakathI koNa Dare che ? pocaTa loko. huM evo pocaTa nathI. tame mAnazo ? mRtyu samaye mArA putra sulase mArA mATe phUlonI Atma kathAo * 538 pathArI, caMdananA vilepano vagere taiyAra kareluM. paNa mane emAM majA ja na Ave. huM to narakano satkAra karanAro jIva hato ne ! AthI ja mane kAMTAnI pathArI para sUvaDAvyo, viSThAnuM vilepana karyuM, phUTelAM Dhola vagaDAvyAM. mane AnaMda Avyo. Avo marda tame joyo : je kAMTAnI zayyA para sUine mare ? maratI vakhate paNa mArI mardAnagI lAjavAba hatI. AvI jAva sAlAo ! tamane badhAne mArI nAkhyuM ! atyAra sudhI to huM pADAone ja mArato hato, paNa have huM tamane badhAne paNa mArI nAkhuM. jarA mArI pAse to Avo... A hatI mRtyu-samayanI paNa mArI jhiMdAdilI. tame kahezo : A tamAruM raudra sthAna hatuM. hiMsAnubaMdhI raudra dhyAnanA prabhAvathI tame marIne sAtamI narake gayA. paNa tamArA kahevAthI mane koi asara nahi thAya. huM to kALamIMDha paththara ! game teTalo varasAda paDe. e paththaramAM eka TIpuMya aMdara na Utare.. tamArA jevA game teTalA lavAro kare, paNa mane enI na kadI asara thai che, na thai rahI che ne na kadI bhaviSyamAM thaze ! eTaluM tame noMdhI lejo. pachI tame bhale mane sAtamI narake mokalo ke caudamI narake ! Atma kathAo * 539

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sahAyakone dhanyavAda... ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma mamama che nirmalAbena ramaNIkabhAI abhecaMda, TANA ........................ sAyana-muMbai ha mahendra cImanabhAi .. ................. sAyana-muMbai che vo. pA. zA. parivAra : jAmanagara mA.......... ........... sAyana-muMbaI ha rAyacaMda motIcaMda : jAmanagara +++++++++++ mamamamamamamamamamama.. sAyana-muMbai ja aMbAlAla dalachArAma parivAra ..................... - sAyana-muMbaI kIrtibhAI rAmalAla mAstara.......................... .. sAyana-muMbai jayaMtibhAi karamasiMha harIA.. ............. ............ sAyana-muMbaI bhagubhAi amathAlAla gAMdhI................... * mamamamamamama sAyana-muMbaI ke mANekalAla tribhuvanadAsa zAha .................... ............. sAyana-muMbaI ke amIcaMda vanamAlIdAsa TANAvALA................ ............... sAyana-muMbai che naTavaralAla zivalAla vaDhavANa (zAMti)......................... sAyana-muMbaI ke kirITabhAi ramaNalAla .. *********... sAyana-muMbai ka girIzabhAi pravINabhAi jhaverI ................. sAyana-muMbai ja mAnacaMda meghajIbhAi TANAvALA.... sAyana-muMbai ka harakIzana lakamIcaMdadAsa zAha.... mamamamamamamama. sAyana-muMbaI ke talakacaMda ANaMdajIbhAi zAha ... mamamamamamamamama. sAyana-muMbai che nalinIbena tanasukhalAla ........................... mamamamama. sAyana-muMbai ke hasumatIbena manasukhalAla : jApAna ................. *** *** *** mamamamamamasAyana-muMbai ja prabhAbena amaracaMda satarA : guMdAlA, kaccha......... kauzalyAbena harizcaMdra icchApurIyA : surata................ ... sAyana-muMbai ka nemidAsa nAnacaMda gAMdhI : vAMkI, kaccha ................... sAyana-muMbaI ja bacubhAi narottamadAsa vorA... sAyana-muMbai ka amRtabena bhANajIbhAi bauA : kaccha ... .. sAyana-muMbaI ke samIra caMpakalAla gAMdhI ......................... ....... sAyana-muMbaI ha kevala divyeza (ha. : nalinabhAi) ................ -......... sAyana-muMbaI & jayadIpa nautamalAla zAha.... ......... sAyana-muMbaI Atma kathAo * 540 ka lIlAvaMtIbena vrajalAla abhecaMda rANAvALA kakakakakaka20000 2 sAyana-muMbaI ka sarojabena vinodarAya zAMtilAla ... sAyana-muMbai che rAjendrabhAi jhaveracaMda mahetA............ .. sAyana-muMbai ja prakAzabhAi talakacaMda vorA : amarelI... . sAyana-muMbaI che samaratabena cImanalAla durlabhajI mULIvALA....................... sAyana-muMbaI chaganalAla lakSmIcaMdanA suputra vardhamAnanI putrIo kiMjala - rUcitAnI aTTAi nimitte . sAyana-muMbaI che kauzikabhAI cImanalAla zAha ........... ..................... sAyana-muMbai che mRdulAbena jayasukhabhAi maNilAla : vaDhavANa .......................... sAyana-muMbaI che bhImajI mUlajI saMghavI : lAkaDIyA, kaccha . ***************** sAyana-muMbai che upAsanA devasI (ha : jigneza kirITabhAi) ...................... sAyana-muMbai ratilAla nAgaradAsa vorA (ha. : kIrtibhAi) ....................... sAyana-muMbaI kAMtilAla gAMgajI gAlA : manapharA, kaccha . ..................... dAdara-muMbaI che caMpakalAla ela. bAlu : porabaMdara...............++++++++++++++++++, sAyana-muMbaI ja hAlAra tIrtha ArAdhanA dhAma (ha. : zAmajIbhAi) .............. sAyana-muMbai che. caMdrakAMtabhAi ema. zAha......................... ++++++++++++++... sAyana-muMbai ke lakSmIbena premajI naMdu : bhacAu, kaccha............................ sAyana-muMbai gArgI mehula naMdu : bhacAu, kaccha ...... sAyana-muMbai che ku. pUrvI hasamukha naMdu : bhacAu, kaccha .......................... . sAyana-muMbai che caMdrasena nAnacaMda zAha ++++++mamamamamamamamamama.. sAyana-muMbaI ka zreNikabhAi praviNa jhaverI...... ************. sAyana-muMbai che bhagubhAi amathAlAla gAMdhI... ja hiMmatalAla dIpacaMda zeTha ....................... -... sAyana-muMbaI pha tArAbena Ara. jhaverI ...... ........ sAyana-muMbai '' +++++++++++++++++++ sAyana-madhya - sAyana-muMbaI ka aThavA lAinsa (surata) tathA riverA TAvara (surata)nA bahenonuM jJAnakhAtuM. (pra. : sA. suvarNarekhAzrIjI, sA. saumyaguNAzrIjI, sA. saumyakIrtizrIjI) Atma kathAo * 541

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* jaina sosAyaTI, amadAvAda jJAnakhAtuM. (pre. : sva. sA. jayakIrtizrIjI, sA. jayamaMgalAzrIjI) goDI pArzvanAtha jaina TrasTa, kalyANa sosAyaTI, amadAvAda, jJAnakhAtuM. (pre. : sA. vikramendrAzrIjI) kalyANa sosAyaTI, zrI goDIjI jJAnakhAtuM, pArzvanAtha jaina derAsara TrasTa, amadAvAda. (pre. : sA. vikramendrAzrIjI) * tulasIzyAma, navA vADaja, amadAvAda, jJAnakhAtuM. (pre. : sA. candrakalAzrIjI, sA. jyotiprazAzrIjI) kRSNanagara jaina saMgha, amadAvAda, jJAnakhAtuM. (pre. : sA. jayapadmAzrIjI) sAMtAkrujhamAM jomAbena vAlajI parivAra taraphathI bhaNAvAyela siddhacakra pUjana prasaMge : jomAbena vAlajI sAmata nIsara : Adhoi // // gaMgAbena premajI chADavA bAbubhAI premajI deDhiyA pUnama zaMkhezvara grupa (ha. : kRSNabhAi) kAnajI mahetA paTela sonAbena gelA becara nIsara Atma kathAo * 542 'bhUkaMpamAM bhramaNa' pustaka viSe gujarAta rAjya abhilekhAgAra kramAMka : Arka : rekarDa-bhUkaMpasela-23, 2528 gujarAta rAjya abhilekhAgAra, gulAba udyAna pAse, sekaTa2-17, gAMdhInagara-382 017. phona : 3222748, 3222030 tArIkha : 20-6-2003 uparyukta viSaya paratve ApanA A kacerI paranA tA. 3-6-2003nA patranA anusaMdhAnamAM savinaya jaNAvavAnuM ke, ApanA dvArA prakAzita thayela pustaka bhUkaMpamAM bhramaNanI 1 (eka) nakala A kacerIne mokalI ApavAmAM Avela che. je atre maLI gayela che. vadhumAM jaNAvavAnuM ke, A khAtA dvArA jyAre gujarAtanA nAgariko dvArA bhUkaMpamAM gujarAtanA nAgarikoe anubhavela vedanAo, anubhUtio, hakIkato tathA ghaTanAo aMge jarUrI mAhitI ekaThI karavAmAM AvI rahI che, tyAre kSetrakArya dvArA sthaLa nirIkSaNa karI, asaragrasta vyaktione rUbarU maLI, mAhitI ekatrita karI prakAzita thayela, ApanuM uparyukta pustaka ghaNI ja mahattvanI mAhitI pUrI pADe che. je ApanA prayatnone AbhArI che. Apano vizvAsu, Omem niyAmakazrI gujarAta rAjya abhilekhAgAra gAMdhInagara. Atma kathAo * 543

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abhiprAyonI helI... 'bhUkaMpamAM bhramaNa' pustaka maLyuM. eka pachI eka ghaTanA vAMcatA jaIe ane bhUkaMpa kevo hRdayadrAvaka hato te anubhavAtuM jAya ane "mA mUt kroDapa phu:NamA' A bhAvanA dilamAM ghuMTAtI jAya. vAstavika ghaTanAo hadayane tarata asara kare che ane te ghaTanAo jyAre municandravi.nI kalame AlekhAya tyAre aMtarane aDyA vinA - 2DAvyA vinA rahetI nathI. pU. gurudeva (pU. kalApUrNasUrijI)ne paNa thoDAka prasaMgo gaI kAle saMbhaLAvyA. teozrI paNa gadgadita banI gayA. - paM. kalpataruvijaya po.va. 8, bAlavADA (rAjasthAna) kahe kalApUrNasUri-3 maNikAntabhAI jhaverI pAsethI meLavyuM. lalitavistarAnI anuprekSAmAM bhIMjAvAnuM bhAthuM maLyuM. ravivArIya samUha pravacana-mALAnA aMzo nihALyA. e pAvanIya namanIya dezyamAM sAkSAt to hAjara nahotA, paNa jhalakano anubhava maLyo. saMkalana addabhuta karyuM che. bAMdhava-belaDInA A sukato ciraMjIva najarANA banI raheze. * muni devarAsAra gjores 'bhUkaMpamAM bhramaNa' pustakamAM pratyakSa nihALela prasaMgone zabdomAM kaMDArI anityAdi bhAvanAo dvArA bihAmaNA saMsAra-sAgaranuM tAdeza svarUpa khaDuM karela che. karuNatA, khumArI, upagrAhitA Adi guNone khIlavavAmAM A pustaka khUba ja upayogI nIvaDaze. * dalasukhabhAI epha. zeTha sekreTarI : jaina saMgha, DIsA : tA. 2-2002 hamaNAM huM dilhI gayelo. tyAM kendrIya maMtrI kAzIrAma rANAnA Tebala para ApanuM pustaka (bhUkaMpamAM bhramaNa) jovA maLyuM. mane khUba ja AnaMda thayo. * rAjubhAI ena. kubaDIyA rAdhanapura Atma kathAo * 544