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Aptavani-9
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Aptavani-9
Dadashri: No, not like that. These words are specifically for that suspicion; the words "Am I Chandulal?' is helpful to him All other suspicion is suicide. If the suspicion, "Am I really Chandulal... am I really a son... a father... like the world says I am?' arises, then it is worth it.
So which suspicion is worth having? Suspicion related to the self, 'Is this the atma (soul, the real Self) or that is the atma?' Until one realizes the Atma (the Self), he will continue to have suspicions, just as the world does.
All accusations are made because of the belief 'I am Chandulal for sure. I am decidedly (nischaya thi - in reality) Chandulal. I am truly Chandulal.' But now suspicion has arisen about this identity, has it not? A real doubt (vahem) has arisen in this matter, has it not? This suspicion will attain your work of Self-realization. No one gets doubts in this matter. No one will have suspicions in this matter even when one tries to.
How can such suspicion arise? Arey! Even the authorities, the government allows this blunder to continue. They will announce, 'Is Chandulal present?' and so Chandulal will stand up and the authorities will accept that. But he will never suspect that he is not Chandulal and that he is holding on to the wrong thing
There is nothing in the outside world that will allow one to suspect one's identity of, "Am I really Chandulal?' Even legal documents endorse that he is Chandulal. When so many people accept this, how can he then have any suspicion about this?
Doubt over wrong knowledge
The one who creates doubts about one's own knowledge (of 'I am Chandulal') is a Gnani. Your own knowledge is never wrong, is it? But a Gnani can do everything and that is why you will have doubts within you; he will raise doubt about your own
knowledge about your identity). Your work is done once that wrong belief is removed.
One man told me, I have never had any suspicions about my 'self". Today I do.'I asked him, 'A real doubt has fallen today on your knowledge that you are Chandulal, has it not?' Doubt means a crack has occurred. So should a crack not appear in the knowledge of 'I am Chandulal'? This suspicion must arise. One has to be absolutely suspicion free (nihshank) about the real knowledge, of 'I am the Soul; that is my real Self". People on the other hand, remain absolutely suspicion free about the wrong knowledge of 7 am Chandulal.'
So when a doubt arises over the knowledge that has been known so far, then 'we' know that that knowledge is going to collapse. The knowledge in which doubt (vahem) and suspicion (shanka) falls, that knowledge is going to dissipate. There has to be knowledge that allows no suspicions. And that knowledge, which is real, will never have any suspicions. Sometimes, due to a veil of ignorance, one may not be able to understand, but that is a different matter altogether. Otherwise, no suspicion can ever occur in the knowledge that is real. This knowledge is Gnan, the Self. It is because therein lies the Self.
Doubt only over the ego There has never been doubt over the ego. Doubt occurs over everything but not over the ego. Doubt over the belief of, *This Chandulal is I' is considered doubt over the ego.
And you are not to get rid of your doubt over Chandulal: you simply have to keep it dramatic. A performer playing the role of King Bhartruhari is required to play his role very precisely. He will shout, he will renounce, he will cry, he will make all the gestures that will convince the audience of his sorrow. After the play if we ask him, 'were you very sad and hurting you a lot?' He will tell you, 'No! I am Laxmichand. I was simply playing the role of King Bhartruhari.' That is exactly
