________________
Aptavani-9
271
272
Aptavani-9
to sleep and I had a good night sleep. Next morning I put that package in the Vishvamitri River and then my worries started to decrease. But when Gnan manifested, I saw understood oyu) and 'knew-experienced (aanyu) the entire world as it is.
Questioner: But even before Gnan you had the awareness that it was the ego, did you not?
Dadashri: Yes, I did have that awareness. I also knew that it was the ego, but I liked it. But it was when it bothered me so much that I realized there was no fun in it; it was then that I realized that the ego was not my friend but rather, my foe.
Questioner: When did you begin to recognize the ego to be a foe?
Dadashri: When I could not sleep at night, I realized then what kind of an ego it was. That is why that night I 'wrapped the worries in a package' and dropped it off in the Vishvamitri River the next morning. What else could I do?
Questioner: So what did you place in the package?
Dadashri: The entire ego! The heck with it! What good was it for me? What was it for? I had nothing to gain from it. People would make comments about me such as, 'there is no end to his happiness' whereas I could not see even a drop of happiness in me. The ego caused me continued worries and problems within
The slightest jolt to the ego and I would be up all night, unable to sleep. I would not sleep the whole nightlong. Before when I attended weddings, if someone greeted me but I did not see them do so, it would create chaos within me. I thought myself to be so great! And yet there was nothing there. It would have been different if I had some wealth in estates, but I did not have anything. I just had pomp without the wealth. That is what pompous people are like. And the clothes I wore, as if I was
a great paternal relative of the Gayakvad of the Royal Family! Now what can be gained from all this? It eventually came down to earth
Questioner: Did you remain separate from the ego at that time? Was it something like that?
Dadashri: No. This state of worries occurred because there was no separation. That is why I could not sleep. If I were separate at that time, would I not have been able to shut the ego, right away?
But the ego was the only thing that was being nurtured. Except for the ego, there was absolutely no deceit (kapat) within; no my-ness (mamata) either. There was no mamata for money. I did not know anything and yet I had an enormous ego. All I knew was how to help others.
Ego of a noble man So, I had tremendous maan. I believed myself to be somebody great because I was born in a Kshatriya family (warrior class family). Patels are Kshatriya, so people give them dowries. So from the time one is born, people around him talk about the 'check' (dowry) that will be forthcoming. I had worthy attributes too. People don't just pay dowries without a reason. They pay for the attributes of the family lineage: they pay for the social status. The lineage alone would not suffice, they also look at the family and it's prestige and honorable upstanding. Would they give dowries otherwise? What is a person from an honorable family like? He is noble. Noble means he has some good family qualities. He does not cheat anyone; he has no attributes of deceit within him. When he is from an honorable family and good caste, then he is worthy of a good dowry.
Now what is the definition of a noble (khandaan) person? It is someone who 'sheds' readily i.e. someone who
