________________
paves
hold back for certain reasons. In one of his letters to his very intimate associate Shri Sobhagbhai, he writes, "I have realized the final stage and experienced it... I am fully conversant with the nature of the self " 48 One feels that he had become not only confident, but also complacent about his achievement, as in the same letter he says, "I do not want liberation, nor omniscience as defined by the Jains".49 Speaking about the worldly life he says, "Let the world be gold itself. For me it is worthless as a blade of grass". 50 He harps on the same tune when he says, "There is no difference for me in a house or a jungle ".51 In his 24th year, he had reached a unique stage where therewas no 'mine or thine'. This means that he did not belong to anybody or anything nor did anybody or anything belong to him. He felt, he was living at the instance of others, but he wanted to give up and be free from everything.52 He further explains his internal state in the following words, “I have no taste for anything. I do not desire to gain or acquire anything; I am not mindful how things happen in the world around me, I do not differenciate between friend and foe... I have to remind myself that I have a body..."53 All this means that his body-consciousness was reduced to the minimum. We have also to note that all this was happening even though he was a
90