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Questioner: When did you begin to find that ego to be a foe?
Dadashri: When I could not sleep at night, I realised then what kind of an ego it was. That is why that night I 'wrapped the worries in a package and dropped it off in the Vishvamitri River the next morning. What else could I do?
Questioner: So what did you place in the package?
Dadashri: All the ego! The heck with it! What good was it for me? What was it for? I had nothing to gain from it. People would make comments about me such as, 'there is no end to his happiness' where as I could not see even a drop of happiness in me. The ego caused me continued worries and problems within.
The slightest jolt to the ego and I would be up all night, unable to sleep. I would not sleep the whole nightlong. Before when I used to attend weddings, if someone greeted me but I did not see them do so, it would create chaos within me. I thought myself to be so great! And yet there was nothing there. It would have been different if I had an estate, but I did not have anything. I just had pomp without wealth. That is what pompous people are like. And the clothes I wore, as if I was a great paternal relative of the Gayakvad of the Royal Family! Now what can be gained from all this? It eventually came 'down to earth.'
Questioner: Did you remain separate from the ego at that time? Was it something like that?
Dadashri: No. This state of worries occurred because there was no separation. That is why I could not sleep. If I were separate at that time, would I not have been able to shut the ego off, right away?
But the ego was the only thing that was being nurtured. Except for the ego, there was absolutely no deceit kapat within, no myness mamata either. There was no myness for money. I did not know anything and yet I had an enormous ego. All I knew was how to help others.
Ego of a noble man
