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Harmony in Marriage
Do you have discord at home? It should not occur at all. If it happens then you are unfit to be a husband, and if the wife does it, then she is unfit to be a wife.
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Questioner: What effect do these quarrels between husband and wife have on the children?
Dadashri: Oh ho! Very negative effects indeed! A small child watches his dad abusing his mother. He will think that it is the father who is the culprit but he dare not say anything. He knows that if he says anything he will be punished. These children make a note of everything. When they see such trouble in the house, they make a mental note to themselves, 'When I grow up, I will sort out my father!' So when he grows up, he abuses his dad! The dad will say, 'Did I raise you up so that you could beat me?' The son would say, "Then who raised you?' The father will retort 'Are you bringing my father into this?' the son would reply, 'I will even bring in your grandfather!' It is because we gave him the scope to do this. It is our own mistake when we spoil their minds by quarrelling. Why should we fight at home? If you do not fight, then the child will see this and grow up respecting the parents. (61)
Why are young adults and teenagers disenchanted about marriage? I asked them what objection they had. Do you not like women, or being with woman or are you not a man? Why? What are the facts? They say that they have seen that there is no happiness in a marriage. I ask them how do they know when they are still so young and unmarried. They reply, "We have seen the so called happiness of our parents. We have recognized their misery. If they are not happy and if we get married, then we too will be miserable." Does that happen?
(64)
Say if I tell you that it has turned dark outside, and if
Harmony in Marriage
this gentleman says, no, it is still light outside. Then I would request that he look again. If he still insists that it is daylight, then I would realise that he is saying it according to what he sees. One cannot go beyond one's vision. So then I would tell him that he is correct by his viewpoint. All I will say is, "Yes, you are correct by your viewpoint," and then I will move on. Why would I want to waste time with him unnecessarily? He is not going to change. That is the way to bring an end to discord. (65)
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Imagine that there is a beautiful white horse about five hundred feet form here. We show it to everyone and ask him or her what he or she sees? Someone may say that it is a cow. Now what can we do about that? Should we punish him?
Questioner: No.
Dadashri: Why not?
Questioner: According to his vision, he sees a cow.
Dadashri: Yes...his spectacles are like that. We should realise that the poor man has bad eyesight. It is not his fault and therefore we cannot get upset with him. Just tell him that he is right. Then ask someone else what he or she sees. He would say he sees a horse. We realise that his eyes are fine, and yet another person may see a bullock, then we have to understand that his eyesight is not good. Those who cannot see, means they have problems with their vision. What do you think? (66)
I have been married for fifty-five years. I made some mistakes till the age of twenty-five to thirty years. Before Gnan, at a young age, even I threw things in anger. I had the ego of a respectable man of good moral upbringing, as a Patel of six villages, a community of high social status in Gujarat. Then I
