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Harmony in Marriage
We get married, bring her home and then we keep scolding her. What is this akin to? It is like tying a cow to a pole and then flogging it. What if you were to tie her up to a pole and you kept on hitting her? If you hit her from one side, the poor thing will go on the other side. Where will she go if she is tied up? This pole of the society is such that she would not be able to escape. If you hit someone who is tied up, you create tremendous misery for your life to come. What if she was not tied down and then you were to hit her? That is different and it would not be so serious. If she were not tied down then she would be able to escape. But here she has the pressure of the society and therefore she cannot go anywhere. Otherwise she would be long gone. Try to hit her after getting a divorce. What would happen? (318)
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A true husband is one who never has any discord with his wife. Just as you would not let anything come between you and your friend, in the same manner you should take care here also. If you do not look out for your friend, your friendship will end. Friendship means friendship. You have to challenge her 'in this friendship of ours, if you break this friendship, then you will be at fault. Let us unite in friendship.'
There is so much sincerity with a friend, that the friend would say 'my friend is like this. He would never have a single negative thought about me'. In that same manner you cannot think badly of her also. Is she not considered more than a friend? (322)
Chapter 18
SHE WILL AVENGE YOU WITH A SLEDGE
HAMMER
Now if you had an argument with her at night, then she
Harmony in Marriage
will have tanto (inner anger and turmoil). In the morning when she serves you tea for breakfast she will lay the cup down on the table with a distinct clashing sound. This will let you know that she has not quite overcome the effect of the clash the night before. This is the link of sulking and grudge, which sometimes may be prolonged.
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'Why does she behave like this? It is because she wants to put you under her thumb. If you get angry, she will know that you have become weak, but if you don't get angry, then she would try harder.' Despite causing such rows, if he does not get angry, then she would go into the kitchen and throw a few utensils around to make noise. Bang, bang!! When he hears that noise he gets upset. If he does not get upset, even at this point, then she would pinch their little toddler and make him cry. Then he will get angry, the daddy-o! 'You are after our son now, why are you bringing our son in the middle of this?' Then she will know, 'Ah ha! Now he is defeated!' (323)
Men forget the events, whereas the women will keep a note of them for their entire life. Men are naive, they are open minded, and forgiving. They will forget. The women on the other hand will tell you 'on that day this is what you said to me. It hurt me deeply in my heart'. Heavens! Even after twenty years, her memory is so fresh. Your son is now twenty years old. He is old enough to get married, and even then she still hangs on to that incident? Everything else will rot, but this mental note of hers will not rot. When you hurt a woman, she will keep it in a special place, in her heart, so never hurt her. You must be very cautious in this matter. (326)
Whenever you hurt a woman with your words; you are inviting a liability for your future. She will tolerate you now because you are stronger than her, but later when you are
