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Harmony in Marriage
Harmony in Marriage
once told me, 'Dada if I have to have a husband, I would like this very same one every time'. She is the only one so far who has said this to me. I remember her.
(89)
You cannot play games with women. Why do you have to criticize how cold the vegetables have become, or why the daal (soup) does not have the right spice? Why do you keep on nagging in this manner? If you speak in this manner once a year, then it is okay, but why do it everyday? If the daal is not good or the vegetables are too cold, it all happens because it is the law of nature. If it happens frequently, then if you want to say something, say it calmly, 'whenever this vegetable dish is hot, it tastes very good.' When you say it in this way, she will get the hint.
(90) Nobody at my home knows what 'Dada' likes and what he does not. Do you think the cooking of a meal is under the control of the person who is cooking it? It all comes together on a plate because of the vyavasthit (scientific circumstantial evidence of the one who is going to eat it. You should not interfere in this.
(91)
that way your married life proceeds well and you can practice religion. If she wants a couple of children, go ahead and settle that problem and then after that delve on higher aspects of life. But what you do instead? You insist on being her boss. You silly man, why are you trying to become a boss?
Questioner: But why can't the wife take care of everything for me?
Dadashri: Oh ho! The wife exists to take care of all your needs?
Questioner: That is why we have brought home a wife.
Dadashri: Scriptures have proclaimed for a husband not to exercise any kind of dominance over his wife. In fact you are not a boss. Your marriage is a partnership. In worldly language people use the word husband, wife, boss and the one who is secondary to boss, the wife. But really it is a partnership. So you do not have any right of ownership over your wife. You cannot make demands on her. You have to explain things to her in order to get your work done.
Questioner: When the bride's father did kanyadaan kanya = unmarried girl; daan = gift, donation) they gave the bride as a gift, so then don't we become their owners?
Dadashri: It is not for the civilized community. That is for the uncivilized community. In our civilized community, men should take every care to make sure that the wives do not suffer. Otherwise they will never be happy. Nobody has ever been happy having made his wife miserable. Any wife, who has made her husband miserable, will never be happy. (97)
It is because of this dominating attitude that he gets out of hand. Then he will have to suffer the consequences of his
Chapter 5 NEED A HUSBAND, NOT A BOSS There is nothing wrong in looking at her closely before marrying her. You can look. Look, provided she is going to remain the same her whole life. Will she remain the same as the day you first saw her? Would she not change? So when she changes, you will not be able to handle it, you will feel suffocated. Then where will you go? You have entered a trap.
Why get married? The reason to get married is that you can go out to work for money while she works at home and
