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Harmony in Marriage
Harmony in Marriage
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woman's department. It is not necessary for him to know where she buys her groceries and gets her grains. If she tells you that she is having some problems trying to get some grains, then that is a different matter. Is there any need to interfere in her department, when she does not ask for any help? There is no need to tell her what to cook. When the time comes, your meal will be served. Her department is her territory. If some day you have an intense desire to eat a cake, then you can tell her. I am not telling you, you cannot say anything but when you complain about trivial things 'The soup is too salty, it's too salty', then you are interfering in her department. (182)
So a good husband will not interfere in the domestic affairs of his wife. Otherwise he is like a woman. There are some men who go into the kitchen and check the spice containers to see how much spice has been consumed in the last two months. You fool, where will it end when you start this? It is a concern for the person who runs that department. Things get used up and have to be bought again. But why are you trying to be a smart Alec? You should not interfere in her kitchen department.
(183) In the first few years of our marriage there was some interference. Then gradually we cleaned up all the mess and made a decision that kitchen business was her responsibility and earning money was mine. We were not to interfere in each other's affairs.
go on everyday. So then what would a person do? She then stopped asking for a few days, because the answer was the same. Then one day I asked, "Why did you bring these karelas (bitter gourds)?' She replied, 'Whenever I ask you what I should bring, you tell me what ever I want to, and now you're pointing out my mistakes?' I told her, 'No, we have to keep a custom that you have to ask me what vegetables to buy and I will tell you whatever you feel like. Keep this custom of ours going! This custom she carried out till the end. Even the people who came to visit us were impressed. How wonderful is the custom of this household. So our worldly dealings should look good on the outside. It should not be one sided. How wise Lord Mahavir was! He kept the real and the relative separate. Not one sided at all. Don't people notice worldly interactions? People saw us everyday. 'Does she ask you this everyday?' my friends would ask. I tell them 'Yes, she asks me everyday'. 'So doesn't she get tired?' they ask. I replied, 'Why would she get tired? It is not as if she has to climb some stairs or a mountain.' Conduct your worldly interaction in a manner, which people appreciate.
(187) Questioner: In which matters should a wife not interfere in her husband's affairs?
Dadashri: She must not interfere in any of her husband's affairs. 'How many goods came into the shop? How much was sold? Why did you come late? The husband would then have to say 'I missed the nine o'clock train!' Then she will say 'What were you doing that you missed the train? Then he gets irritated. He thinks that even if God asked him such questions, he would let him have it. But what can he do here? There is unnecessary interference. It is like cooking a good meal and then eating it with some grit in it! How can it taste
If you see interaction in our home, you would find it very pleasant. When Hiraba was healthy, she would personally go to the vegetable stand at the end of our street, and buy vegetables. If I was at home, she would ask me "What vegetables should I bring?' I would tell her to bring whatever she wanted to. Then she would buy them. This is how it would
