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Harmony in Marriage
Harmony in Marriage
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not result in separation it is merely parrot talk and parrot fight. I would instantly recognize that these two are in a parrot fight and it is not necessary to take them seriously. (287)
One hour of intense scolding to a servant, son or wife will result in their becoming a bossy husband or a bossy mother in law in your next life. Justice is always there. You cannot avoid this suffering. If you create misery for anyone, you will get the same dose back. An hour's worth of misery given to the others, results in a lifetime of pain for you. Then you shout, *my wife is no good, she nags me.' The wife may wonder why she is the cause of your misery too. She suffers too. But there is no way out. Then I ask him, 'did you find your wife or did she find you?' He replies that he chose her. Then why blame her? I asked. It is not her fault if later you find her unsuitable. Where can she go?
(289) Questioner: Would things be resolved if you stop talking to bring the matter to an end?
Dadashri: No, they would not. If you meet that person, you should ask them how they are doing. If the other person is acting up a little and is being loud and aggressive, then you should maintain your calmness and solve the matter with equanimity. Sooner or later, you will have to deal with it. If you stop talking, does that mean that things have been solved? It is because the problems are not solved that people stop talking. When people stop talking, it means there is a burden, a burden of not being able to solve their problems. You should immediately stop them and ask them "Tell me if I have made a mistake. I make a lot of mistakes. You are very educated and clever and so you don't make too many mistakes, but I am less educated so I make a lot of mistakes!' You have to talk to him in this manner so that he will be happy and come around.
Questioner: Even when you say this, if he does not come around, then what should we do?
Dadashri: If he does not soften, then what can we do? You just do your best and be free from your side. What other solution is there? One day he will soften. If you try to soften him by telling him off, it will not work. Today he may appear to have softened but he will make a note in his mind and then one day when you are soft, he will bring up everything. This world is full of vengeance. It is the law of nature that every living being will harbour some vengeance. They will retain the atoms of this vengeance. You should always try to solve all conflicts to conclusion.
(294) Questioner: So then should we not say anything at all?
Dadashri: Yes you should, but only if the other person accepts it whole-heartedly. Otherwise what is the point of barking like a dog? Whatever you say, it should be acceptable to the other.
Questioner: But what am I to do when he is lying?
Dadashri : Whether he lies or not, it is not our look out. Whether he speaks the truth or lies, it is his responsibility.
Questioner : If we do not know how to say it, then should we just keep quiet?
Dadashri : Remain silent and see what happens. What do you do when you see children falling in a movie? Everyone has the right to say something, but his or her right is only to the point where it will not cause more friction and clash. It is foolish to say anything that exacerbates a problem. (295)
When your words are filled with real love even if you
