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Harmony in Marriage
Harmony in Marriage
good? Men and women should help each other. If the husband has worries, then the wife's main concern should be to find ways to reduce his worries, the husband should see that the wife is not placed in a difficult situation. The husband should realise how difficult a time the children must have been giving his wife. Men should not say even a word when things break at home. But instead they complain that 'Last time I bought the best cup and saucers, and you broke them. You have destroyed everything'. The wife will then think did I break them? What can I do if they break? What can I do?' she will say. Now even in such trivial matters there are disputes. Where one has nothing to give or gain, why start a discord? Where there is absolutely no reason to fight, why start? (190)
From the beginning, when I was young, I had made the division; that the kitchen was hers and the business was mine. When I was young, I used to get very angry when any female member of the joint household ever asked me about accounts in the business. This was none of her business. You are asking without any connection. There should be some connection if she is to get involved. She would ask 'How much did you earn this year?' I would tell her that she should not ask me about these matters. This is my department. So tomorrow if I decide to give 500 rupees to someone, she would interfere in my business and complain that all the money will be gone. Do not interfere in my department.
(192)
husband and wife, both become suspicious, then flames burn everything. One of them will have to become free of mistrust. The quarrels between parents are the cause of emotional instability in children. So in order to save the children, both parents should come to an understanding and bring an end to all clashes. Who would be able to remove these suspicions? This Gnan of ours is such that it makes you completely suspicion free.
(209) One husband became suspicious about his wife. Can that ever be eliminated? No! That is called lifetime mistrust. Similarly the wife had suspicions about her husband, and that too would not go away for a lifetime.
Questioner: What can one do, when suspicion arises against our wishes?
Dadashri: Possessiveness, sense of ownership is the cause. He is my husband. There is nothing wrong in having a husband and calling him 'my husband. You can also say 'my husband', but there should not be any possessiveness. (212)
Aim for two things in this respect, superficial trust and superficial suspicion. Do not go too deep into it. In the end, the mistrusting person will lose his sanity and he would be admitted in a mental hospital. If one was to ask his wife 'What is the guarantee that you are chaste?' His wife will say, 'Idiot! Get out of here.
He will be suspicious of his own daughters when they go to school. He will suspect his wife also. This is sheer betrayal. This era is filled with betrayal in the home. Deceit and betrayal, deceit and betrayal, deceit and betrayal; this era is full of it. What happiness is he seeking? That too, he is doing this without any understanding, in a state of stupor. There is no deceit or betrayal in those with untainted intellect.
Chapter 11
SUSPICION IS SELF DESTRUCTIVE Most conflicts at home arise from suspicions. These suspicions give rise to vibrations, which then ignite into flames. If one is without any mistrust these flames extinguish. But if
