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Harmony in Marriage
Harmony in Marriage
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whether closure occurs or not. It will happen. If not today, it will happen some day. If it is sticky, it may happen two, three or five years later. The accounts with wife, children and parents are very sticky and complex. Therefore, closure with them will take longer. These relatives are always with us. Here the settlement will take time, but if you have decided that you do want to settle with equanimity, then one day it will settle. It will come to an end.
(240)
nothing wrong in taking her side. If you take her side then only you will have a peaceful night. Otherwise how would you be able to sleep? Here you should not employ your intellect like a lawyer.
Questioner: You should not take the neighbour's side in a dispute with the wife, should you?
Dadashri: No, you should always take the side of your wife and not the neighbour's in any dispute, even if your wife is at fault. Take care of those in your own home first. Even if your wife is guilty, you should be defending her. There you do not need to look for justice and accuse her of wrong doing. You have to eat and sleep here only. You should plead the case of your own family.
Questioner: How can one say that the other party has been satisfied? The opposition may be satisfied but what if there is harm in it for them?
Chapter 14 UNWIND THE STRINGS OF BONDAGE WITH
WIFE IN THIS MANNER
(234)
Dadashri: That is not your look out. If there is harm in it for them, it is their lookout. You should consider what is good or bad for others but do you really have the ability to do this? You are not able to see what is good or bad for your own self. Why are you looking for the good or the bad for others? Each individual looks for what is good for him according to his own capacity. There should not be any discord for the good of the other person.
Questioner: When we try for closure of a conflict with someone, and we know that the result is not going to be satisfactory, what should we do?
Dadashri: Results may be anything, all we have to do is decide that I want to closure. Make a decision to do that. Decide to settle with equanimity. Then do not be concerned
A man came to me and I saw him crying. What is the matter, I asked. 'My young wife has died recently and I cannot forget her. I have two young children,' was his reply. How long were you married, I asked. "Exactly twelve years today,' he replied. 'If you had met her in a bus twelve and a half years ago, would you have had any feelings for her?' No, he said.
Don't people sit in the chori (a canopy under which Hindu marriage ceremony is conducted) when getting married? As he sits in the chori, he looks, 'Yes, this is my wife'. He winds the first turn. "My wife, my wife, my wife, my wife... 'the moment he sat down to get married, he kept on winding in this manner, and that winding continues till this moment, so how many turns he has wound? How is he going to unwind from these turns now? These are the turns of mamta (attachment)?
(244) Now you have to keep on reciting, "not mine, not mine and not mine". "This woman is not mine, she is not mine". This way the turns will unwind. If you have wound it fifty thousand times by saying 'mine, mine, mine', then by saying
