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Harmony in Marriage
fun of him. I asked him how many times he did namaj (Islamic prayer to God). 'Sir, I do it 5 times'. I asked, 'How are you able to do namaj at 3 o'clock in the morning?' He replied, 'It has to be done there is no choice. I have to get up at 3 o'clock and do it also'. I asked 'Now that you have a wife, does she let you do it a 3 o'clock in the morning?' He replied, 'Even as a young child I used to do it. My father, the doctor, he too used to do it. So I asked him, 'Now that you have a wife, how does she let you do it at 3 o'clock?' He replied "The wife too tells me that I have to do namaj.' Then I asked him if he quarrels with his wife. He was astonished, 'what are you saying? What is this you ask?" I asked "Why?" He replied 'Oh ho! The wife is sugar of my life. If she tells me off, I accept it. Sir, it is because of my wife that I live. She gives me a lot of happiness. She makes wonderful meals and feeds me, how can I hurt her?' Now if people understand even this much, it would be good. Do not try to dominate your wife. Don't you understand? Is the wife at fault? 'Sugar of my life, even if she curses me, there is no problem. If anyone else swears at me, I will sort him out!' Now tell me how much value do these people have?
(111)
Chapter 6
THE HABIT OF LOOKING AT FAULTS OF OTHERS
Questioner: She feels bad if faults are pointed out to her, and she feels bad even if you do not say anything.
Dadashri: No, no, no, she will not feel bad. If you do not point out her mistakes, she herself will tell you that the soup is salty and why did you not say anything? That is when you tell her that you do not have to say anything about what she would have found out eventually. Instead what happens is
Harmony in Marriage
'This soup is too salty!' there will be a look of disgust on your face. You foolish man, what kind of a man is you? How can one keep you as a husband? Such husbands need to be thrown out! Such weak husbands! Is she not able to see this mistake herself that you have to cause discord? Why hurt her unnecessarily? She will think to herself, 'don't you think I know that? He is always criticizing me. He hurts me all the time'. Our people deliberately point out mistakes that are minor and easily apparent and that is the reason why this life is so full of clashes. What do you think? So what is the objection in thinking a little on this point? (114)
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Questioner: If we point out such mistakes, then she would not make the same mistake again, would she?
Dadashri: Oh ho! So that you can have a reason to preach! Yes, there is nothing wrong in pointing out the mistakes. What I am telling you is that you point out their mistake, if only they appreciate you doing so, 'It's a good thing you pointed out my mistake, I was not aware of it'.
Sister, do you appreciate it when he points your routine mistakes?
Questioner: No.
Dadashri: What is the point in showing her the mistake, which she is already aware of? If there is something wrong with the cooking, then will she not know this when she eats the meal herself? So there is no need for us to say anything. If she is not aware of her mistake and then you point it out to her, she may appreciate it. It is only Indian men who do this. (115) When I used to live on the third floor of a house in
