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Harmony in Marriage Dadashri: So this is what everything is like. Now tell me, I have to make all these men wise! How will they become wise? They move about with frowns and faces as if they drank some castor oil. They eat such delicious meals cooked by their wives and yet their faces look as if they took some castor oil. (54) Questioner: What should one do to get rid of discord
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at home?
Dadashri: Investigate what it is that causes discord first. If you have one son and one daughter, then do you ever have discord about the fact that both of them are not sons?
Questioner: No, the differences occur over very trivial
matters.
Dadashri: Oh in these trivial matters, it is simply egoism at fault. when she says this is how it is, you should say, "That is fine." That is the end of it. But what we do is we use our intellect and then one intellect clashes with the other intellect. Then the discord starts.
Questioner: What should one do in order to be able to say, "That is okay"? I am not able to say that. How can one sublimate this ego?
Dadashri: You are right it will not come easily. To remedy that, you have to practice for a few days. For a few days, practice what I am saying, and then it will happen. It will not happen immediately.
Questioner: What is the reason behind this discord?
Dadashri: The differences occur because he thinks he is intelligent and she thinks she is intelligent. Here come two bags full of intelligence. You wouldn't even get a dime if you
Harmony in Marriage
were to sell them. Instead, be aware and observe her intelligence...oh ho! How intelligent she is! Then even she will cool down. But if you exercise your intellect and she does the same, there will be a fight. (56)
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Who experiences more discord, you or her? Questioner: She is the one who gets upset more. Dadashri: Oh ho! What is discord? Let me explain. Have you ever played the game of tug-of-war?
Questioner: Yes.
Dadashri: Two or four people pull a rope from one end and two or four pull the same rope from the other end. Discord means this tug-of-war. When you notice that she is pulling the rope strongly, and you also pull it strongly, what will happen?
Questioner: It will break.
Dadashri: If it breaks then you will have to tie a knot in
it. Instead of having to tie a knot, what is wrong in leaving the rope intact? Therefore, if she pulls very hard, then you should let go.
Questioner: But of the two, who should let go first?
Dadashri: The one who has understanding. The one who has right understanding will let go and the one who is using the intellect will continue pulling. But when you let go, do not let go all of a sudden because if you do, the other party will fall. Let go very gradually, otherwise the poor person will fall down. So from now on, will you let go of this rope? Let go, otherwise you will have to tie a knot and then use it. Does it look good to tie knots in it everyday? You have to use that rope again! What do you think? (60)
