Aatmkatha

Author(s): Satya Samaj Sansthapak
Publisher: Satyashram Vardha
Catalog link: https://jainqq.org/explore/010832/1

Page #1
lekhaka - prathamAvRtti - Atma-kathA naI satyasasAja-saMsthApaka - svAmI satyabhakta prakAzaka satyAzrama vardhA (sI. pI. ) mUlya savA rupayA disambara 1940

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prakAzaka sUrajacandra DaoNgI. . . . . . . satyAzrama vardhA (sI. pI.) mudraka satyezvara prinTiMga presa . boragAMva vardhA (sI. pI.)

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bhagavAna satya * bhagavatI ahiMsA ACCEPIADUEENA - marte ..'- - .- -- - : - - - - - - :.:. rum.. .: . : ::: :...: . . . . . . . . :. . : . . : . ' .. .. . .. AHMEDAL ', .. . . . Nx . .. - .. .:.. . . . . . . . 1 . Maa ... :." :.: . .. ...- .. '''.. . . .. . .. '. . . . . ... -. . " . .. -'. . .... " .. ..: . .. ... :..:... ..." . " NRN CHHA " 4 . . . . . .. . " TR... in . . 1 A 5.-/UCO . ... / -RAMANNA ." . . .. . .. . ... CLI . . .. ... . ..... ... .. N: .. ..:.: . . . . ASSAIRS 4 .... . 120 . aain HAN - " " :.: LI SH .:. .: . . 4 ... .. * .::.. . .. .. ..' - : ... '. ... .:: .:.": HAR .:.. 4m .. ":.. 45. ..... . R ALRAMBHABI -4. . ...... .... 12.... .. / ..... :: . ." ..... Se .... .. ... . . ..... Hoin E - Puman mujha nirvala ke bala ho tuma hI mujha mUrakha ke jJAna / mujha nirdhana ke dhana ho tuma hI mAtA-pitA samAna // -ananyazaraNa -satyabhattA

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samarpaNa: bha. satya bha. ahiMsA kI sevA meM - merI mAtA mere pitA ! jisa dhRSTatA se duniyA ko apanI kahAnI sunAne baiThA, kyA vaha dhRSTatA duniyA saha sakegI ? usameM aisI kyA bAta hai jise duniyA suneM / mAtA-pitA, hI aise hote haiM jo saba kucha jAnate hue bhI bAlaka kI bhaddI kahAniyA~ yA tuccha bAteM prema se sunA karate haiM - isIliye apanI yaha tuccha kahAnI tumheM hI samarpaNa karatA huuN| aura kisI ko samarpaNa karane kI himmata hI nahIM hotI / tumhArA tuccha bhakta'darabArI....

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viSaya sUcI viSaya prAstAvika 1 zaizava 2 damoha meM Agamana 3 prArambhika zikSaNa 1 dharma zikSaNa 5 garIvI kA anubhava . 6 khilAr3I jIvana 7 sAgara pAThazAlA meM praveza 8 pAThazAlA kA jIvana 9 pAThazAlA kA jJAnadAna 10 tava ke kucha saMsmaraNa . (pujArI, aparezana, kavitva, vaktRtva, caukApaMtha) .11 vivAha 12 vivAha ke duSpariNAma 13 banArasa meM adhyayana 14 morenA meM 15 banArasa meM adhyApaka 16 sivanI meM kucha mAha (sudhArakatA kA bIjAropaNa) . 17 zAhapura meM 102 106 115 120 129..

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[7] 18 indora meM 138 (adhyayana, rAjanIti meM, sAmAjika sabhAoM meM, paraloka vidyA kI bImArI, nATaka kampaniyoM meM, rUr3hi virodha) 19 DAyarI ke kucha pRSTha 159 20 vijAtIya vivAha Andolana . 173 21 bambaI meM AjIvikA 186 22 jainajagata kA sampAdana 195 23 vividha Andolana (muniveSiyoM se bhir3anta, vidhavAvivAha Andolana) 24 jainadharma kA marma 221 55 satyasamAja kI sthApanA 227 26 patnI-viyoga 233 27 dAmpatya ke anubhava 244 28 bambaI se vidAI 263 29 vardhA Agamana aura pitRviyoga 268 30 nayA saMsAra 273 .. upasaMhAra . 284

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prakAzakIya pU. satyabhakta jI kI yaha AtmakathA hai / satyabhaktajI ke pAsa . samaya samaya para aneka sajjanoM ke patra AyA karate the ki Apa apanA jIvana paricaya hamako likha bhejiye, isaliye anekabAra ciTThioM meM TUTA-phUTA paricaya bhejA bhI jAtA thA, para usase to logoM kI pyAsa hI bar3hatI thI, isaliye AtmakathA likhane kI jarUrata * huI. aura isIliye yaha AtmakathA likhI gaI / * yadyapi isa AtmakathA meM apane jIvana kI sArI ghaTanAoM ko sAdhAraNa rUpa meM dene kI koziza kI gaI hai, phira bhI isameM itanA manovaijJAnika citraNa A gayA hai ki par3hanevAloM ko isameM kathA aura darzana kA AnaMda eka sAtha hI AtA hai / jIvana nirmANa kI dRSTi se bhI yaha aisI cIja vana gaI haiM ki lenevAlA isase bahuta le sakatA hai / kucha '.'.. * karIba AdhI AtmakathA satyasandeza meM pragaTa huI thI aura aise logoM kI saMkhyA kama nahIM thI jo satyasandeza meM se aura kucha par3heM cAhe na par3heM para AtmakathA jarUra par3hate the| sarakAra kI kRpA se satyasandeza banda ho jAne para satyasandeza ke pAThakoM ko, khAsakara AtmakathA ke pAThakoM ko bar3A kheda huA thA; para isase eka lAbha yaha huA ki jo AtmakathA mahine mahine thor3I thor3I likhI jAtI thI vaha lagAtAra likhI jAkara eka sAtha pUrI prakAzita ho rahI hai / AzA hai pAThaka isakA upayoga kareMge / -prakAzaka

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OM satyabhakta dampati ke . ..... . . . . . . . .. nindia .. ... " .. . .. . : ..': . .: . . .. 7. ... . . .. . ...' ... .. . ...... ::: ." ". .. daravArIlAla satyabhakta .. sau. vINAdevI satyabhakta

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Atma-kathA prAstAvika 'eka choTe se jIvana kI AtmakathA kyA? isa saMkoca meM bahuta dina rahane para bhI aba kucha nirlajjatA ke sAtha AtmakathA likhane jo baiTha gayA hUM isake do kAraNa haiM / eka to yaha ki pichale dinoM meM jIvana--paricaya kI mA~ga bahuta AI aura patra. vyavahAra se jo saMkSipta paricaya diyA gayA vaha santopaprada na ho sakA / dUsarA kAraNa yaha hai ki yaha jIvana-kathA AdaraNIya na hone para bhI kucha dene lAyaka mAlUma hotI hai / isakA kAraNa yaha nahIM hai ki AtmakathA kA nAyaka mahAna hai kintu yaha hai ki vaha nAyaka mUla meM atyanta kSudra thA / usake pIche vaMza-paramparA kA bauddhika, Arthika Adi koI mahattva nahIM hai / vizAla kuTumbakA :: . bhI gaurava nahIM hai| isakA prArambha eka azikSita, nirbala, nirdhana, kIrtihIna kuTumba se, hotA hai / vaha bhI kisI nagara se nahIM kintu eka choTe se kher3e se / .

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2] Atma-kathA aisA kSudra jIvana agara mahAna na bana sake para kucha kahanelAyaka bana sake to usase pAThakoM ko kAfI sAmagrI mila sakatI hai| jIvana kI choTI choTI ghaTanAe~ kaise jIvana-dhArA badala detI haiM isa viSaya kI manovaijJAnika sAmagrI tathA anya sAmagrI bhI isa AtmakathA se thor3e bahuta aMzoM meM mila sakegI isaliye bhI isa AtmakathA ko likhane kI icchA ho gaI / kucha dina taka to vaha DAyarI meM hI rahI aba vaha pAThakoM ko sunAI jA rahI hai / (1)zaizava jhAgarI [sAgara sI. pI.] nAmaka eka choTe se kher3e meM-jahAM na rela hai na pakkI sar3aka, na pulisa kA thAnA na koI skUla-eka paravAra jaina kuTumba rahatA thA / usameM cAra bhAI the / khAne pIne se khuza the / kucha sAhukArI thI isaliye vaha kuTumba kucha zrImAna bhI ginA jAtA thA / unameM eka bhAI kA nAma thA rAmalAla / ye hI mere pitAmaha the / inake eka hI santAna thI jisakA nAma thA nnhlaal| ye hI mere pitA jI the / rAmalAla jIke dehAnta hone para sAhukArI DUbagaI aura ika-dama garIbI A gaI / isa prakAra mere pitAjI janma se garIba rahe / unakA janma vi. saM. 1925 kA thaa| unadinoM nagaroM meM bhI zikSaNa kA pravandha nahIM thA phira usa kher3e meM kyA hotA ? isaliye pitAjI bilakula nahIM par3ha sake / ve eka akSara bhI nahIM likha sakate the| sirpha tetIsa taka ginatI AtI thii| isI valapara ve apanA hisAba kitAba calAyA karate the| jaba mere pitAmaha * kA dehAnta huA taba pitAjI kI umra ATha varSa kI thI / paisA

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zaizava na hone se aura kher3e meM rahane se usa bAla-vivAha ke yuga meM bhI unakI jaldI zAdI na huii| zAdI ke samaya ve kAphI javAna ho gaye the| unakI zAdI paMcamanagara meM huI thii| paMcamanagara kAgaja ke liye itihAsa meM prasiddha hai / bhAgya kI bAta hai ki pitAjI to nirakSara the para mAtAjI usa z2amAne ke anusAra kAfI par3hI likhI thIM / vivAha ke pahile unane sirpha prAyamarI hI pAsa na karalI thI kintu kanyAzALA meM maoNnITarI ke kucha rupaye bhI jor3e the jo vivAha ke kAma Aye the / pitAjI kucha sA~vale aura sAdhAraNa kada ke the / mAtAjI kAphI gauravarNa aura kucha lambe kada kI thiiN| unake vivAha ke kucha dinoM bAda merI AjI (pitAmahI) kA bhI dehAnta ho gayA / kuTumba meM jhagar3e bhI khUba hone lage, garIbI thI hI, isase Ubakara pitAjI zAhapura [ sAgara, sI. pI. ] meM A gaye / yahI kArtika zuklA 7 vi. saM. 1956 ko merA janma huA / merA pahile eka bhAI aura huA thA jo mara cukA thA / mere bAda eka bahina huI / jisakA nAma thA kalA yA .kalAvatI / usake bAda mA~ bImAra huI, lambI bImArI khAI / anta meM vaca na sakI / marate samaya cha: mahIne kA eka baccA huA jo kucha miniToM meM mara gayA / isa samaya merI avasthA karIva cAra varSa kI thii| ___zAhapura meM bhI pitAjI kI Arthika sthiti sudhara na pAI / . g2arIbI meM hI dina kaTe / sukha duHkha meM pitAjI ko bar3A bhArI sahArA apanI bar3I vahina kA thA jo damoha meM vivAhI gaI thiiN| unakA bar3A bhArI kuTumba thA / vaha kuTumba zahara ke gaNanIya zrImaMtoM

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4 ] Atma kathA / meM mAnA jAtA thA / parantu dhIre dhIre saba loga mara gaye sirpha merI buA [ pitAjI kI bar3I bahina ] aura unake jeTha kA putra baca rahA / sAhUkArI saba DUba gaI / RNa raha gayA, dUkAna meM Aga laga gaI yA chUTane ke liye lagAdI gaI | buA ke pAsa rahane kA makAna -- jo kAphI bar3A thA aura kucha strIdhana raha gayA / phira bhI ve mere pitAjI ko mana vacana se aura yathAzakti dhana se sahAyatA karatI thiiN| kabhI kabhI zAhapura AtI thiiN| unakA mujhapara bar3A prema thA | zAhapura meM merA zazavakAla hI vyatIta huA thA phira bhI mujhe aneka bAtoM kA smaraNa haiM / vahAM kA maMdira, daur3a-daur3a kara relagAr3I dekhanA, varasAta meM vAlUke ghara banAnA Adi abhI bhI yAda haiM / kucha aisI bAteM bhI yAda haiM jo mUrkhatA nahIM kiMtu vAlocita bholepana kA pariNAma hai| isase vAlamanovRtti kA patA lagatA hai / bAlaka eka tarafa bar3e tArkika hote haiM to dUsare tarapha zraddhAlu bhI hote haiM / unakI zraddhA kA durupayoga na karanA cAhiye na tArkikatA kA damana karanA cAhiye / qhaira, maiM zaizava ke hAsyAspada saMsmaraNa to sunA dUM / ekavAra mere pitAjI dUdha lAye / merI Adata thI ki dUdha dekhA aura mu~ha lagAyA / isase bacane ke liye unane kaha diyA ki yaha dUdha nahIM maThThA hai / usa samaya avizvAsa karane lAyaka vuddhi paidA nahIM huI thI isaliye maiMne nAka sikor3a lii| thor3I dera bAda jaba vaha garama kiyA gayA tava pitAjI ne mujhe pIne ko

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zaizava [ 5 1 diyA / maiMne kahA- maiM maTTA nahIM pItA / pitAjIne kahA- pI to sahI, aba yaha dUdha ho gayA hai| maiMne piyA aura cakita hokara pitAjI se pUchA, 'mahA dUdha kaise ho gayA ?' pitAjI bole garma karane se / usa dina se maiM samajhane lagA ki maTTA garama karane se dUdha bana jAtA hai / yaha vaijJAnika andha-vizvAsa kaba naSTa huA isakA smaraNa nahIM hai / isaliye prAyaH gur3a guraAI dUM ? maiMne una dinoM gA~voM meM zakkara kA kama pracAra thA aura mere garIba ghara meM to aura bhI kama, isa liye mere ghara meM gur3a kA hI upayoga hotA thA / para gur3a mujhe acchA na lagatA thA na khAtA thA / eka dina mA~ ne kahA- kyoM re, yaha socakara 'hA~' kaha diyA ki guraAI gur3a se bhinna koI cIz2a hogii| mujhe kyA mAlUma ki guraAI yaha sAmAnya zabda hai jo ki gur3a zakkara Adi sabhI mIThI cIz2oM ke liye prayukta hotA hai | isaliye mA~ ne jaba gur3a parosA taba yaha sAmAnya- vizeSa - tattva merI samajha meM na Anese maiM bhauMcakkA sA raha gayA / dUsarI / khelane ke liye supaliyA w 1 kahA - basorina ko ekabAra maiMne mA~ se kahA ki mujhe ( choTA sUpA ) ma~gAde | mA~ne pitAjI se koI purAnA kapar3A dekara supaliyA banavA lAnA / do tIna dina bAda supaliyA A gaI / mujhe bar3A Azcarya huA ki kapar3e kI supaliyA kaise bana gaI? kapar3e ke badale meM supaliyA A gaI hai yaha bAta maiM na samajha skaa| maiM to yahI samajhatA rahA ki kapar3e kI - supaliyA bana gaI hai|

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6 ] Atma-kathA ekavAra merI mA~ ne kapar3e rasI meM DAle / ( rasI eka jAti kI pIlI sI miTTI thI jo purAne z2amAne meM sor3A kI jagaha kapar3e dhone ke kAma meM lAI jAtI thI ) rasI aura pIlI miTTI kA bheda na samajha kara maiM mAnane lagA ki pIlI miTTI se kapar3e sAfa hote haiM / isaliye jaba maiM khetI [ aise baDe baDe gaDDhe jo barsAta meM pAnI bhara jAne se palvala yA choTe tAlAva se bana jAte haiM ] meM nahAne gayA to vahAM kI miTTI meM apane kapar3e ragar3ane lagA / jaba pitAjI ne phaTakArA tava maiM cakita hokara socane lagA ki ghara meM to ye miTTI meM kapar3e DAlate haiM para yahAM miTTI lagAne se kyoM rokate haiM ? una dinoM do tIna bAra rela meM baiThane kA kAma par3A thA / zAhapura se damoha tIna hI sTezana hai / isaliye muzkila se eka hI ghaMTA gAr3I meM baiTha pAtA, java utaratA taba rote mu~ha se utaratA / mana hI mana kahatA -- aura AdamI to baiThe hue haiM phira hameM hI kyoM utArA jAtA hai ? maiM itanA bhI na samajhatA thA ki relagAr3I meM mauja ke liye nahIM baiThA jAtA hai kintu apane icchita sthAna para jAne ke liye baiThA jAtA hai / 1 jo loga mujha se pahile gAr3I meM baiThe hote aura mere utarane para bhI nahIM utarate aura vistara vichAye leTe rahate unheM maiM rela kA AdamI samajhatA thA / mere vicAra meM ve loga z2indagI bhara rela meM hI rahate the isaliye unake sukha kA pAra na thA / Aja to relagADI se jaldI piMDa chur3Ane ke liye adhika paise dekara bhI DAka yA

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zaizava [7 * eksapresa gAr3I meM baiThatA hUM para una dinoM agara paiseJjara gAr3I kA kirAyA DAkagAr3I se adhika hotA to adhika kirAyA dekara paiseJjara gAr3I meM baiThatA jisase baiThane kA adhika sukha miltaa| zaizava ke bholepana ke kucha aura saMsmaraNa haiM jo itane vinodI nahIM haiN| pitAjI ke kathanAnusAra zaizava meM maiM bahuta dhyAnI thA / ___ makAna ke kisI kone meM dhyAnI kI taraha Asana lagAkara maiM ghaMToM baiThA karatA thA / kyA socatA thA yaha to kucha yAda nahIM hai, yaha kevala eka prakAra kI nakala hI ho sakatI hai / jaina-mandira meM logoM ko sAmAyika karate dekhakara maiMne usakI nakala karanA sIkha liyA hogaa| mAtAjI ke dehAnta ke samaya ke citra mere sAmane abhI bhI jhalate haiM / matya ke pahile ve kaI mahine bImAra rahIM thIM / para eka dina maiMne dekhA ki ve uTha baiThIM / merI buA-jo bImArI meM sahAyatA pahu~cAne AI thI --ne unakA sira acchI taraha dhoyA aura unane bhojana bhI kiyA / usa dina maiM bahuta khuza huaa| para dUsare dina subaha datAna karate samaya unake dA~ta ba~dha gye| pitAjI mA~ ko pukArate the / dA~toM se dabI huI datAna ko khIMcane kI koziza karate the / maiM pAsa meM khar3A khar3A Azcarya se dekhatA thA ki yaha saba kyA ho rahA hai ? mA~ ko garbha thA aura chaH mahIne kA garbha zAyada usI dina girA thA / vaha baccA kucha samaya jIkara mara gayA thA / raMga kucha lalAI liye hue thA, marane se akar3a gayA thA, isa prakAra vaha

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8] Atma-kathA choTAsA putalA bana gayA thA / maiMne jaba dekhA taba yaha koI baccA hai yaha maiM nahIM samajhA / maiM to use putalA samajhakara lAlaca kI naz2ara se dekhatA rahA aura socatA rahA ki ye striyA~ calI jAya to meM ise le bhAgeM / para striyA~ gaI nahIM aura mujhe nirAza hokara bAhara AnA pdd'aa| isake bAda mujhe itanA hI yAda hai ki mAtA jI ko loga arathI para vA~dhane lge| lAla kapar3e se unheM DhaMka diyA / pahile to maiM Azcarya aura jijJAsA se dekhatA rahA / maranA kise kahate haiM yaha to meM jAnatA hI na thA parantu jaba loga arthI uThAne lage taba merA Azcarya zoka bana gayA aura maiM jora jora se rone lgaa| eka paDesina mujhe goda meM lekara dUsarI jagaha calI gaI / mAtAjI kA kyA huA? isakA mujhe patA na lagA / mujhe smaraNa to nahIM hai parantu pitA jI kahA karate the ki 'gumAno' nAma kI eka kRpaka mahilA zaizava meM mujha se bahuta pyAra karatI thI aura dUdha pilAne ke sivAya dhAtrI ke sAre kAma vahI karatI thii| mere damoha Ane ke bAda mujhe usake darzana hue the| usane mere lAlana-pAlana kI bAta kahI thI, prema bhI batAyA thA / kucha zyAma varNa, ma~jhalA kada aura sAdhAraNa moTA zarIra abhI bhI merI A~khoM ke sAmane jhUlatA hai / aura usake viSaya meM bhaktimaya moha ke saMskAra abhI taka nirmUla nahIM hue haiM / kadAcit Aja usake darzana ho jAya~ to sambhavataH mAtRdarzana kaisI prasannatA ho / .. yaha samajhate hue bhI ki jIvana to nadI nAva saMyoga' hai 'paMkhI raina baserA' hai yahAM kauna kisakA haiM ? saMparka meM Aye

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damoha meM Agamana [9 hue logoM kI chApa miTatI nahIM hai / vaira kI chApa miTAne ko to baddhi kahatI hai, dila kahe yA na kahe, para upakAra aura sevA kI chApa miTAne ko na to buddhi kaisI hai na dila | nirmohatA ke nAmapara agara kRtajJatA bhI miTa jAya taba kahanA cAhiye ki jIvana miTa gayA yA manuSyatva miTa gayA phira santapana kI to bAta hI dUra hai| (2) damoha meM Agamana mAtA ke dehAnta ke bAda mujhe aura merI bahina ko lekara pitA jI damoha A gaye / yahA~ buA kI kRpA se hame khAne pIne kA koI kaSTa na thA isaliye mA~ ko bilakula bhUla gaye / nayA gAMva hone se aura saMkocI svabhAva hone se maiM ghara ke bAhara na nikalatA thA / bahina ke sAtha ghara ke eka bhAga meM khelA karatA thaa| bar3A se bar3A khela thA devatAoM kI pUjA | ghara ke pichavAr3e bhAga meM jAkara maiM miTTI sAnatA aura usakI choTI choTI saikar3oM piMDiyA~ bnaataa| taba hana donoM bhAI bahina una piMDiyoM kI ghaMToM . pUjA karate / ghaMToM galA phAr3a phAr3a kara cillAte rahate / jo kucha bolate usameM na koI bhASA hotI na koI zabda yA akSara, arthahIna AvAjoM kA pravAha hotA / jaba taka maiM skUla nahIM gayA bhAI bahina kA yahI khela calatA rahA / isase yaha samajhatA hUM ki ___bhakti ke saMskAra zaizava avasthA meM bhI kAphI par3a cuke the| ... mujhe miThAI khAne kI bahuta Adata thii| pitAjI ne zAhapura se hI yaha Adata DalavAdI thii| zAhapura meM nArAyaNa nAmakA eka ,

Page #20
10] Atma-kathA miThAI vAlA thA / vaha mujhe pratidinaM mubaha eka per3A diyA karatA thA / yaha to mujhe mAlUma na thA ki bAjAra ke dina vaha sAta dina ke sAta paise mere pitAjI se vasUla kara letA thA aura garIbI meM bhI pitAjI merA yaha Teksa cukAte the, maiM to samajhatA thA ki mujhe yaha cAhatA hai isaliye per3e khilaataahai| baccoM ke samAja-zAna ke anusAra prema karane kA bhI Theksa hotA hai / khaira, dUsarA eka muphta meM miThAI khilAne vAlA bhI thA / vaha thA pAsa ke mandira kA la~gar3A bAvA / usakA choTA sA mandira mere ghara ke pAsa hI thA / pUjA kI ghaMTI bajate hI meM maMdira meM daur3a jAtA thA aura merI bahina bhI khisakate khisakate pahu~ca jAtI thii| hama loga AzAbharI nigAhoM se AratI dekhate / AratI aura batAzoM kI rakAbI abhI bhI A~khoM meM jhUlatI hai para ThAkurajI kI sUrata bilakula yAda nahIM AtI; yaha bhI patA nahIM ki vaha rAma kA, kRSNa kA yA hanumAna kA kisa kA maMdira thA ? hA~ vaha jaina mandira nahIM thA kyoMki usako ghara ke loga apanA maMdira nahIM kahate the / khaira, isa prakAra vahA~ mujhe do batAze milate the / miThAI khAne kI yaha Adata damoha meM bhI vanI rahI / dAla aura zAka ke sAtha maiM roTI khA hI nahIM sakatA thA / gur3a bhI nahIM khAtA thA / per3e itane nahIM mila sakate the ki donoM bAra unhIM ke sAtha roTI khAU~ isaliye eka nayA tarIkA yaha nikAlA thA ki roTI ke Upara thor3I sI zakkara DAla kara thor3A sA pAnI DAla-letA aura pUrI roTI zakkara se cipar3a kara puMgI vanAkara khA letA / yahA~ bhI pitAjI eka paise kA. eka per3A pratidina subaha lA dete parantu use roTI khAne ke samaya taka surakSita rakhanA merI zakti

Page #21
damoha meM Agamana . 11ke bAhara thA / jaba kabhI subaha miThAI na milatI taba maiM roTI khAne ke samaya taka z2arUra le letA taba usa per3e ke sAtha hI. roTI khAtA isa prakAra pratidina miThAI khAne para bhI mujhe yaha asantoSa sadA rahatA thA ki bhara peTa miThAI kabhI nahIM milapAtI jaba ki maiM pratidina bhara peTa miThAI khAnA cAhatA thA / anta meM maine bhara peTa miThAI khAne kA eka sastA tarIkA nikAlA / jaba roTI khAne ke samaya per3A milatA taba maiM pahile dAla zAka ke sAtha kucha . roTiyA~ khAletA phira Adhe per3e ke choTe choTe Tukar3oM ke sAtha roTI khAtA isa prakAra jaba miThAI ke sAtha roTI se peTa bhara jAtA taba caMcA huA AdhA per3A korA khAjAtA isa prakAra eka hI per3e meM bhara peTa miThAI khAne kA anubhava ho jaataa| eka dina pitAjI kahIM bAhara gaye the| isaliye dinabhara miThAI na milii| ve rAta ko Aye to maiMne miThAI kA takAjA kiyaa| unane kahA-subaha le deMge parantu AdhI se adhika rAtri ke lambe samaya taka ke liye miThAI udhAra rakhane kI sAhukArI karane ke liye maiM taiyAra na ho sakA / isaliye jaba taka miThAI na milI taba taka na maiM soyA na maiMne pitAjI ko sone diyA / anta meM pitAjI 'uThe, miThAIvAle ko jagAkara miThAI lAye taMba kahIM maiM zAnta huaa| bAlyakAla kI vaha nirdayatA, svArthaparatA aura jihvAlolupatA kI yAda Ate hI.aba ha~sI to AtI hI hai aura pitAjI ke santAna-vAtsalya se bhakti bhI paidA hotI hai para apanI usa amanupyatA para lajjA bhI kama nahIM AtI |..mnussy jAnavara kA vikasita rUpa haiM' DArvina ke isa siddhAnta para vizvAsa karane ko jI cAhatA hai / .

Page #22
12 ] Atma-kathA miThAI khilAne ke kAraNa merI buA mere pitAjI ko bahuta phaTakAratI / kabhI kabhI phaTakAra kaTu zabdoM ke kAraNa sImAtIta aura asahya ho jAtI thI / para bAhare santAna - prema, mere pitAjI vaha saba saha jAte aura mujhe miThAI khilAte / parantu jaba bAta bahuta bar3ha gaI taba pitAjI ne mujhe sikhA diyA ki tuma paisA le jAyA karo aura bAhara hI miThAI khA liyA kro| maiM aisA hI karane lagA para eka hI per3e meM bharapeTa miThAI khAne kA jo AviSkAra kiyA thA vaha vyartha ho gayA / miThAI kI mujhe itanI Asakti thI ki maiM kalpanA bhI nahIM kara sakatA thA ki koI AdamI aisA bhI ho sakatA hai jise miThAI se prema na ho / ekabAra eka lar3akI ne kahA ki mere pitA miThAI ke liye paisA dete haiM para maiM kabhI miThAI nahIM khaatii| maiM usa samaya jhUTha bolane aura avizvAsa karane lAyaka buddhimAna nahIM huA thA isa. liye usa lar3akI kI bAta para avizvAsa to na kara sakA para Azcarya se yaha avazya socane lagA ki kyA isake jIbha nahIM hai yA bilakula kharAba ho gaI hai / usakI samajhadArI aura saMyamazIlatA ko maiM na samajha sakA / maiMne use usakI jar3atA hI samajhA / 1 miThAI khAne kI isa Adatane mujhe bahuta nukasAna pahu~cAyA / maiM lambe samaya ko bImAra huA / dA~ta bhI kharAba ho gaye parantu Adata na chUTI / vaha chUTI taba / jaba maiM sAgara pAThazAlA meM par3hane calA gayA / jihvA ke Upara miThAI ke ye saMskAra Aja bhI bane hue haiM / parantu mana meM itanA saMyama A gayA hai ki varSoM miThAI na mile

Page #23
damoha meM Agamana [13 tobhI kucha azAnti nahIM mAlUma hotI aura mahInoM to khAtA bhI nahIM huuN| pitAjI mere liye pitA kabhI nahIM bane ve mAtA kI taraha vAtsalya-mUrti hI rahe / unane anuzAsana kabhI nahIM kiyaa| isa lAr3apyAra ke kAraNa merI prakRti ugra aura abhimAnI ho gaI thii| vAta bAta meM risA jAtA thA / agara roTI meM pA~ca miniTa kI dera ho jAtI to maiM uTha khar3A hotA / koI jarAsI bAta kaha de to ___ gRha-tyAga kI dhamakI dekara bhAga nikalatA / pitAjI bahutasI bAtoM meM kaThora aura nirbhaya the para isa viSaya meM bahuta komala the / maiM unakI AzAoM kA kendra thaa| merA mu~ha dekhakara hI unane battIsa varSa kI umra meM vidhura hone para bhI zAdI nahIM kI / unake isa prema aura tapa kA mUlya meM kyA samajhatA ? bAlocita nirdayatA se unheM satAyA karatA thA / . yadyapi hama bhAI bahina meM bahuta prema thA phira bhI hama donoM eka bAta meM kAfI IrSyA rakhate the| rAta meM sote samaya hama donoM hI isa bAta kI koziza karate ki pitAjI kA mu~ha hamArI tarafa .ho / pitAjI bIca meM sote the, aba agara ve apanA mu~ha merI tarafa karate the to bahina rotI cillAtI thI aura bahina kI tarafa mu~ha karate te. maiM rotA cillAtA thaa| anta meM unheM cita leTanA par3atA / kahIM ye dUsarI tarapha karavaTa na leleM isaliye hama donoM hI unake . peTa para paira rakha kara sote| .. . . bAjAra meM jAte samaya bhI hama unakI pare- zAnI khUba bar3hA dete / pitAjI anAja kI dUkAna karate the / itanI pU~jI nahIM thI

Page #24
/ 14] Atma-kathA ki dukAna ke liya koI jagaha bhAr3a se le lete| hara dina ghara se sAmAna le jA kara maidAna meM dukAna lagAnA par3A aura zAma ko vApisa lAnA par3atI eka to sAmAna kA bojha dUsare hama donoM kA godI meM car3hane kA haTha / unakI parezAnI bar3ha jAtI / eka tarafa vahina ko, dUsarI tarafa mujhe aura sira para sAmAna, isa taraha va vAz2Ara jaate| isa para hama to Ananda manAte the para Azraya tA yaha hai ki hamArI itanI zatAnI bhI ve AnaMda se sahate the| ye to namUne haiM, aise aura bhI saMsmaraNa haiM jo pitA jI ke upakAroM kI asAdhAraNatA vata-sate haiM para pAThakoM ke liye to jo kucha kahA gayA hai vaha bhI anAvazyaka hone se bojha hai aba vaha vojha aura kyoM bar3hAyA jAya ? saMkSipta bAta yaha hai ki damoha meM Akara buA kI kRpA se hama loga ThikAne para pahu~ca gaye the| (3) prArambhika zikSaNa karIva pA~ca varSa kI umra hone para maiM skUla bhejA gayA, skUla kI zikSaNa-paddhati mere anukUla nahIM thI kadAcit vaha vikasita hI nahIM huI thii| merI vicArakatA usase na bar3hI / yadyapi kakSA meM maiM nIcI zreNI meM nahIM rahA phira bhI pahilA naMbara kabhI nahIM pAyA / svabhAvataH maiM Darapoka thA / zizu-varga meM maiM mAsTara se itanA DaratA thA ki pezAba lagane para bhI maiM chuTTI na mA~ga sakatA thA aura dhotI meM hI pezAba kara letA thA / taba mAsTara merA tiraskAra karaka ghara bhagA detA thaa| merI bahina bhI mujhe cir3hAtI thI / maiM cupacApa

Page #25
prArambhika zikSaNa [15 saha letA para chuTTI mA~gane kI himmata na kara pAtA / bahuta dinoM bAda maiM samajhA ki skUla meM pezAba laganA koI pApa nahIM hai / merI sahaja buddhi ne na jAne kaise.. yaha niyama mAna liyA thA ki kisI acche kAma meM jAne para pezAba laganA, TaTTI laganA bhaddI vAta * hai / aise kAma meM acchI taraha saba bAtoM se nibaTa kara jAnA cAhiye / isa manamAne niyama ke kAraNa skUla meM pezAba lagane para maiM apane ko aparAdhI samajhatA, zarmiMdA hotA aura anta meM pUNApAtra banatA / para jaba mAlUma huA ki yaha aparAdha nahIM hai taba chuTTI mAMgane lagA / pahilI bAra jaba maiMne pezAba kI chuTTI mA~gI thI taba mAsTara ne pITha Thokakara. mujhe zAbAzI dI thI, mAnoM maiMne bar3I digvijaya kI ho / isa viSaya kA buddhapana samApta ho jAne para bhI usake kucha acche saMskAra abhI bhI par3e hue haiN| vizeSa paristhiti ko chor3a kara maiM isa bAta kI koziza karatA hUM ki bAhara jAne para mujhe koI zArIrika bAdhA na ho| skUla se Ane para merI bahina svAgata karatI taba pezAba kI chuTTI mA~ganA sIkha gayA thA] mere mu~ha para hAtha pheratI aura buA se kahatI- bhaiyA, skUla meM dina bhara par3hate par3hate thaka gayA hai maiM use apane hAtha kI roTI khilAU~gI / vaha mere liye rupaye barAbara choTI choTI roTiyA~ banAkara rakhatI thI-yadyapi unameM Ar3e Ter3he belane ke sivAya usakA aura koI puruSArtha na thA phira bhI,vaha usI kI roTiyA~ kahalAtI aura mere liye : riz2arva rahatI / parantu Akhira vaha bhI cala basI usake peTa meM phor3A huA, vaha kaI mahine bImAra

Page #26
16 ] Atma kathA rahI, maiMne bAlaka hone para bhI usakI sevA meM kAfI bhAga liyA parantu vaha na vacI / eka taraha se maiM akelA raha gayA / hindI skUla ke koI vizeSa saMsmaraNa nahIM haiM / mAsTaroM kI ayogyatA aura krUratA ke avazya kucha saMsmaraNa haiM, betoM kI mAra saba ko bhoganA par3atI thI / raTane ke sivAya par3hane kA aura koI sAdhana na thaa| buddhi para koI z2ora nahIM diyA jAtA thaa| eka bAra merI klAsa ke eka - mAsTara ne pUchA hariNa kise kahate haiN| sabhI vidyArthI hariNa jAnate the, prAyaH sabhIne hariNa dekhA thA isaliye saba ne apane apane zabdoM meM hariNa kA citra khIMcA para mAsTara ko na jacA / jaba merA nambara AyA taba maiMne kahAhariNa magako kahate haiM / jaina tIrthaMkaroM ke cihnoM meM yaha zAntinAtha / kA cinha mAnA jAtA hai vahIM se maiMne yaha zabda sIkhA thA / merI isa paMDitAI se mAsTara bahuta khuza hue aura merA nambara U~cA ho gayA / phira bhI yaha to kahanA hI par3egA ki hariNa ko hama saba samajhate the para maga ko zAyada koI nahIM samajhatA thaa| skUloM meM eka AcaraNa-buka rahatI hai / aba mujhe mAlUma nahIM parantu mere samaya meM kama se kama mere skUla ke mAsTara isakA artha nahIM samajhate the| par3hane meM jisa lar3ake kA jaisA nambara hotA usakA AcaraNa vaisA hI samajhA jaataa| lar3akA kitanA bhI sadAcArI ho parantu par3hane meM ThIka na ho to usakA AcAraNa kharAba likhA jAtA thA / AcaraNa kI cAra zreNiyA~ thIM / uttama, acchA, madhyama, khraav| maiM uttama yA acchA zreNI meM rahatA thaa| eka bAra meM do mahine

Page #27
damoha meM Agamana taka khUba bImAra rahA / bAda meM jaba skUla meM AyA to anupasthiti ke kAraNa merA nambara nIcA ho gayA thA isaliye merI AcaraNa-buka meM likhA gayA 'kharAba' / 'vImAra . honA bhI eka pApa hai' isa siddhAnta ke anusAra pApI samajha .. kara mAsTara ne merA AcaraNa kharAba likhA ho itanI tattvajJatA mAsTara meM nahIM thI / isakA kAraNa sirpha AcaraNa-buka ke upayoga kA ajJAna thA / yahA~ skUla kI mAra ke viSaya meM likhanA anucita na hogaa| kaI mAsTara vAstava meM bahuta krUra the, kaI bahuta dayAlu / dayAlu mAsTaroM se hama bahuta prema karate the aura unakI zubhacintanA "kiyA kAratathe / eka mAsTara bahuta krUra thA isaliye bhagavAna se usake mara jAne, bImAra ho jAne Adi kI prArthanA kiyA karate the / vaha prati-dina naye naye beMta lAtA thA jo ki mArate mArateM TUTa jAte the / : mAra ke prabhutvane mere hRdaya ko krUra banA diyA thA aura bar3appana kA sambandha prema se nahIM krUratA se kara diyA thA / jaba maiM ghara AtA taba eka haNTara banAtA aura dIvAroM khUToM khaMbhoM Adi ko khUba mAratA aura kahatA-kyoM re, tuma loga yAda nahIM karate ? merA kahanA nahIM mAnate ? aura socatA-Aja maiM khaMgoM ko mAratA hUM para kyA vaha dina na AyagA jaba maiM lar3akoM ko mArU~gA ? mere skUlane mAsTaratva kA gaurava mujhe isI rUpa meM batAyA thaa| yahA~ bhI pitAjI kI eka bAta yAda AtI hai ki agara : unheM mAlUma ho jAtA ki mujhe kisI mAsTara ne. mArA hai to dUsare dina se skUla pahuMca jAte aura ro ro kara mAsTara. ko samajhAte ki apane lar3ake ko maiMne kaise duHkhoM meM pyAra se pAlA hai. / isase

Page #28
18] Atma-kathA skUla meM mujhe kucha muvidhA amuvidhA to nahIM huI aura yaha anyA hI huA para pitAjI kI mamatA kI chApa dila para avazya __ gaharI ho gii| dharma-zikSaNa hindI skUla kI par3hAI ke dinoM meM dharma-zikSaNa kI par3hAI bhI hotI thii| paMcAyata ne eka jaina pAThazAlA khola rakkhI thI usI meM maiM jaina-bAla guTakA, iSTa chattIsI, maMgala pUjA-prakSAla ke pATha Adi par3hatA thA / isI se maiM samajhatA thA ki maiM bhI kucha par3hA huuN| - hAM, idhara udhara se kucha bhajana bhI sIkha liye the aura paryuSaNa meM unakA qhatra. pradarzana bhI karatA thA / di. jainiyoM meM rAtri meM zAstra-pravacana ke bAda bhajana Adi kahane kA rivAja hai | damoha meM cAra maMdiroM meM zAstra vacaMtA thA aura maiM krama kramase cAroM mandiroM meM bhajana kahatA yA isase logoM ko qhAsakara striyoM kI naz2ara meM maiM bahuta UMcA uThegayA thaa| jaba buddhI striyA~ kahatI ki "dekho to nanna kA laDakA kaisA hozyAra hai, vinAH mA~ kA hone para bhI nanna ne apane lar3ake ko pAla posa kara hozyAra banA liyA hai, garIba aura apar3ha kA lar3akA hai para kaisA catura hai?" tatra maiM AsamAna meM vihAra karane lagatA | mere pitAjI kI chAtI bhI phUlI na smaatii| - isake bAda paMDita kahalAne kA maiMne dUsarA tarIkA nikaalaa| maiM padmapurANa kA svAdhyAya karane lagA | kathA to dilacaspa thI hI aura mujha meM bhAvukatA bhI kAfI thI isaliye jaba aJjanA devI

Page #29
dharma-zikSaNa * kI kaSTakathA. par3hatA, sItAharaNa aura sItA parityAgaH kI bAta par3hatA taba khUba rotA / sItA aura aJjanA para merI itanI zraddhA ho gaI thI ki maiM unheM rAma-candra Adi se bahuta U~cA samajhatA thaa| aura mana hI mana kalpanA karatA thA ki agara maiM unake pAsa hotA to unakI mAtA kI taraha pUjA karatA, sevA karatAH aura jIvana dekara bhI unheM sukhI banAtA / sItA: aura ambanA ke caritra ne mere hRdaya para itanI gaharI chApa mArI ki nArI jAti kA apamAna mere liye asahya ho gyaa..| striyoM ke viSaya meM vizeSa sanmAna ke bhAva mujhe vahIM se mile / aJjanA ke sAtha pavanaJjaya ne jo nIcatApUrNa * vyavahAra kiyA usameM mujhe puruSatra kA madonmAda hI dikhAI diyA aura puruSatva ke mada se mujhe ghRNA ho gii| nAriyoM ke pakSa-samarthana kA kucha utkaTa rUpa jo mere jIvana meM dikhAI diyA aura kucha aMza meM abhI bhI dikhAI detA hai usakA bIja usI samaya par3A thaa| .... khaira, maiM paMDita kahalAne ke liye maMdira meM padmapurANa kA svAdhyAya karatA aura jaba koI strI .pAsa.. meM Akara baiTha jAtI taba z2ora z2ora se zAstra par3hane lagatA / vaha ghara ke kAma se calI jAtI aura dUsarI A jAtI to use sunAtA. isa prakAra bAlyAvasthA meM hI striyoM kA paMDita bana jAne kA gaurava anubhava krtaa| isase itanA phAyadA avazya huA ki jJAna na hone para bhI dUsaroM ke sAmane bA~cane bolane kI himmata A gii| karIba gyAraha varSa kI umra taka maiM aisA hI :paMDita: (1) banA. rahA / eka dhArmika bAlaka meM jo bhAvukatA cAhiye vaha mujha meM A gaI thI /

Page #30
20 ] Atma-kathA mandira meM bhajana par3hane AratI karate hue nAcane Adi kA bhI pUrA zauka thA / yadyapi nAcane gAne kI kalA meM bilakula zUnya thaa| kucha na samajhane para bhI jaina-dharma aura jaina-zAstroM para merI zraddhA asIma thii| maiM vyavahAra kI bhI hara eka bAta kA vicAra zAstra se kiyA karatA thA / zAstra meM likhe na hone para maiM prAkR. tika anivArya niyamoM para bhI vizvAsa na karatA thaa| eka bAra eka mitra se (bhAI vAvalAla se) merA isa viSaya meM vivAda chir3agayA ki vinA sambhoga ke santAna ho sakatI hai yA nahIM ? merA kahanA thA ki santAna ke liye vivAha ho jAnA hI kAphI hai sambhoga kI koI jarUrata nahIM / vivAha na hone para kevala sambhoga se santAna ho sakatI hai aura sambhoga na hone para kevala vivAha se santAna ho sakatI hai| merA mitra santAna ke liye sambhoga anivArya mAnatA thA para merI dalIla yaha thI ki " yadi santAna ke liye sambhoga anivArya hotA to padmapurANa meM usakA jikra jarUra AtA | sItAjIke do putra hue para rAma-sItA meM 'sambhoga huA ho aisA jikra zAstra meM kahIM nahIM AyA, phira rAma-sItA sarakhei lokottara vyAkta sambhoga sarIkhI ghaNita kriyA kaise kara sakate haiM, isase siddha hotA hai ki binA sambhoga ke santAna paidA ho sakatI hai| ... .. yaha thI merI . dalIla, jisake bala para maiM apane mitra ko harA detA thA aura mere isa vizAla pAMDitya [1] ke Age mere mitra ko hAra mAna lenA par3atI thI arthAt cupa ho jAnA par3atA thA / dharma

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dharma-zikSaNa [21 zAstra ke viSaya meM maiM aisA hI andha-zraddhAlu thA / isI andhazraddhA ke kAraNa 13-14 varSa kI umra taka merA vaha ajJAna banA rahA / yadyapi zAstroM ke viSaya meM aisI andhazraddhA ke kAraNa maiM vyavahArazUnya bana gayA thA para bahuta sI bAtoM meM zAstroM kA acchA pariNAma bhI huaa| jaina padmapurANa meM muniyoM kA jikra AtA thA ki amuka muni ne tapasyA kI, upasarga jIte aura kevalajJAna pAyA devendrAdi Aye / maiM socatA thA Aja hama unhIM muniyoM kI pUjA karate haiM / eka dina ve bhI sAdhAraNa * gRhastha the / yadi sAdhAraNa __gRhastha tyAga aura tapa se bhagavAna bana sakatA hai to maiM kyoM nahIM ___ bana sakatA, maiM bhI bhagavAna bnuuNgaa| para avasarpiNIvAda isa vicAra-dhArA ko Takkara mAratA thA / ___ isaliye maiM socatA thA ki unake bar3e zarIra the aura majabUta the, vaha cauthA kAla thA jahAM cAhe kevalI aura RddhidhArI muniyoM . ke darzana hote the Aja kala yaha saba kahAM hai ? isaliye maiM kyA kara sakU~gA ? isa prakAra dharma-zAstra kI eka bAta jahAM mujhe unnati karane ke liye utsAhita karatI vahAM paMcama kAla cauthekAla kA bheda-avasarpiNIvAda-mere utsAha para pAnI phera detaa| . phira bhI itanA prabhAva to par3a hI jAtA thA ki maiM bhI kucha na kucha unnati kara sakatA huuN| paMcama kAla meM mokSa kA dvAra banda hai isaliye kevala- jJAna na pA sakU~gA usake liye videhoM meM paidA hokara koziza karUMgA, agara svarga milA to vahAM se marakara videha pahu~cU~gA vahAM sImandharAdi tIrthakaroM kI vandanA karUMgA, aneka

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22 Atma-kathA munirAjoM ke darzana karUMgA, bar3A Ananda AyagA / jaba bhI kabhI mandira meM purANa par3hane baiThatA tabhI. isa prakAra ke jAgrata svapnoM se merA hRdaya bhara jaataa| purANoM ke svAdhyAyane jaina muniyoM ke viSaya meM aTUTa zraddhA paidA karadI thI aura unake kaThora.aura nirdoSa jIvana kI, unakI aparimita zaktiyoM kI chApa hRdaya para lagA dI thii| isa kA pariNAma yaha huA ki pIche jaba samAja-sevA ke kSetra meM AyA tatra muniveSiyoM kI truTiyoM aura cAlAkiyoM ko saha na sakA isaliye unakA pracaMDa samAlocaka bana gyaa| jaina-jagat ke sampAdaka banane para muniveSiyoM ke virodha meM jo pracaMDa Andolana kiyA thA usake kAraNoM meM vAlyAvasthA ke ye saMskAra mukhya the| garIbI kA anubhava .. mere pitAjI kAfI garIba the / agara buAne hama logoM ko sahArA na diyA hotA to z2inde to rahate para garIbI ke kaSTa khUba bar3ha jAte / zAhapura meM jaba mAtAjI kA dehAnta huA usa samaya pitAjI ke pAsa kyA pU~jI thI aura dina-pAnI ( mRtyubhoja ) kA kyA kaisA huA mujhe nahIM mAlUma, para jaba pitAjI mujhe aura merI choTI bahina ko lekara damoha Aye taba unake kathanAnusAra unake pAsa.eka rupayA aura kucha paise the| merI buA kA ghara bar3A thA aura unhIM ke cauke meM hama loga bhojana karate the isaliye rahane kA., khAnepIne kA - koI: kaSTa. na huA / isa prakAra. apanI buA ke asIma bAtsalya se maiM mAtAjI ko bhUla gayA /

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garIbI kA anubhava [23 ' parantu ghara meM garIbI kucha kama nahIM thI | vuA ke pAsa sampatti vacana rahI thii| pahile hI corI aura mukadamebAjI meM dhana samApta ho gayA thA, dUkAna Aga lagAkara lUTI jA cukI thI durbhAgya se saba AdamI mara gaye the sirpha merI buA aura unakI jeThAnI ke putra mUlacandajI baca rahe the / Der3ha varSa kI umra se buAjI ne unheM apane putra kI taraha pAlA thA isaliye ghara meM buA kA hI eka-chatra zAsana thA / yahI kAraNa hai ki isa garIbI meM bhI buAjI ne jaba hama tIna AdamiyoM kA bojha uThAyA taba mUlacandra jI ne cU~ bhI na kiyaa| itanA hI nahIM, kintu unane hama logoM se nicchala prema kiyA / buA ke kAraNa agara mUlacandajI Rcha kaha na pAte to bhI hama logoM se prema karane ke liye ve cAdhya nahIM kiye jA sakate the / vAstava meM unakI yaha udAratA thI ki hamAre sAtha unakA vyavahAra aura hRdaya sage bhAI kI taraha rahA / maiM unheM daddA kahA karatA thA unhIM ke kAraNa merA nAma daravArIlAla ho gayA / anyathA zAhapura meM merA nAma mUlacandra thA / merI buA jeThAnI ke putra kA nAma lenA nahIM cAhatI thIM isaliye . unane merA nAma mUlacandra se darabArIlAla kara diyA / zAhapura ___ ke bar3e bUr3he to tabataka mujhe 'mulU' kahate rahe jabataka zAhapura meM merI zAdI nahIM ho gii| ... ... : hA~ to garIbI kI bAta kaha rahA thA ki ghara meM khUba garIbI thii| pitAjI dasa pA~ca rupaye kI pU~jI se-jo ki mAtAjI ke gahane beMcakara banAlI gaI thI-anAja kI dUkAna karate the,

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24] Atma kathA / maidAna meM kapar3A bichAkara dUkAna jamAte the / isa se jo kucha vacatA vaha ghara meM khAne kharca meM DAla dete / kabhI anAja rakha diyA, zAkabhAjI lAdI, eka do paise merA bhI Teksa thA vaha cukA diyA, pitAjI isase adhika na kara pAte the| bAqI bhAra buA ke Upara hI thaa| - ghara meM garIbI rahane para bhI garIbI aura amIrI kI do dhArAe~ bahatI thiiN| malacandrajI, maiM aura merI bahina amIrI kI . / dhArAmeM the / hama logoM ko gehUM kI patalI patalI roTiyA~ milatI thI, dAla zAka aura ghI bhI milatA thA aura kabhI kabhI dRdha bhI mila jAtA thA parantu pitAjI aura buAjI garIbI kI dhArA meM the ve donoM ghI to kisI tyauhAra para hI khaate| agara hama logoM se koI gehUM kI roTI vaca jAtI to ve khAte the| sAdhAraNataH unakA bhojana thA jvAra kI moTI roTiyA~ jo ki binA ghI ke chAcha yA chAcha kI kar3I ke sAtha khAI jAtI thiiN| una dinoM par3osiyoM ke yahAM se muphta meM hI chAcha mila jAyA karatA thA aura chAcha mAMgane meM dInatA nahIM samajhI jAtI thii| eka dina merI bahina ne pitAjI kA bhojana dekhakara kahA -~-vuA, tuma kakkA ko [ hama donoM pitAjI ko kaMkA kahA karate the| kaMDe sarIkhI roTiyA~ kyoM detI ho ? vahina kI bAteM sunakara buA gaMbhIra ho gaI, pitAjI ha~sa par3e para A~kheM donoM kI gIlI ho gii| una dinoM mujhe bhI nahIM mAlUma thA phira merI choTI bahina ko kyA mAlUma hotA ki buA ke vAtsalya ke kAraNa hama

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garIbI kA anubhava [ 25 amIrI bhoga rahe haiM parantu yaha amIrI kI mUrti nahIM hai garIbI kI dIvAra para sirpha amIrI kI chAyA hai / kabhI kabhI aisA bhI avasara A jAtA ki ghara meM ghI bilakula na hotA taba mujhe bhI na milatA aura ghI ke vinA to maiM khA hI nahIM sakatA thA isaliye buA roTI para pAnI maThThA dadha jo kucha milatA cipar3akara le AtI taba maiM ghI-cipar3I roTI __samajhakara khAne lagatA / ekabAra eka par3osina ne yaha rahasya khola diyA parantu usakI bAta kA maiMne vizvAsa nahIM kiyaa| saca bAta to. yaha thI ki bhUkha ke kAraNa adhika durAgraha karane kI mujhameM himmata nahIM thI isaliye socatA ki agara ise dhI na mAnUMgA to dUsarA ghI na milegA aura binA ghI ke to maiM khA nahIM sakatA / ... . para aisI ghaTanA ApavAdika thii| roz2amarI kA jIvana to khAne pIne kI tarafa se santoSaprada thA / isa ArAmane tathA lAr3a pyArane mujhe khUba udaMDa tathA haThI banA diyA thaa| isase maiM pitAjI ko to taMga karatA hI thA para buA ko bhI khUba taMga karatA thA / ekabAra bahuta parezAna karane para unake mu~ha se nikala gayA 'hamArA hI to khAtA hai aura itanA mijAz2a karatA hai' . yaha vAkya mere hRdaya para vajra kI taraha girA / merA krodha risAnA upadrava saba dUra ho gayA / maiM sunnasA hokara raha gyaa| coTa kI mAtrA itanI teja thI ki maiM ro bhI na skaa| saba kA sthAna cintAne le liyaa| . saMdhyA ke samaya jaba pitAjI ghara Aye taba maiM unheM ghara ke

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26 ] Atma-kathA bAhara le gayA aura ekAnta meM unase pUchA-maiM tumhArA khAtA hUM yA buA kA ? pitAjI mere isa isa prazna se hI bahuta kucha samajha gaye / mere abhimAnI svabhAva kA unheM patA thA hI isaliye unheM bhaya huA. ki kahIM koI kAMDa na bar3ha jAya isaliye unane mujhe samajhAte hue kahA 'beTA apana garIva haiM, apana buA kA hI khAte haiM isaliye ve kucha kaheM to cupacApa suna lenA cAhiye unheM taMga na karanA caahiye| .unakI bAta sunakara mere A~sU bahane lage aura pitAjI ke bhI / phira merA dhairya chUTa gayA aura maiM pitAjI se lipaTa kara khUba sisaka sisaka kara rone lagA / pitAjI bhI mujhe chAtI se lagAkara qhaba rone lage / donoM mauna the / Aja mujhe pahile pahala garIbI kA anubhava huA thA / maiM soca rahA thA-maiM kaMgAla kA beTA I aisA ki apane bApa kI roTI bhI nahIM pA sakatA aise kaMgAla ko risAne kA kyA adhikAra hai ? pitAjI mujhe dekha rahe the-usa asIma aMdhakAra meM maiM hI unake hAtha kA choTA sA dIpaka thA jise saba kucha lagAkara ve bar3e jatana se samhAla rahe the aura jIvanapatha taya kara rahe the| donoM hI vedanAoM kA bojha liye hue ghara meM Aye / kisI ko usa ghaTanA kA patA bhI na lagA / merA risAnA ikadama kama ho gayA / qhAsa kara vuA ke sAmane to maiM risAtA hI na thA / . . aba maiM samajhane lagA ki pitAjI kyoM itanA kaSTa sahate haiM / kaThina se kaThina kAma ko bhI kyoM taiyAra rahate haiM ? eka vAra

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khilAr3I [27 mUlacandajI kA putra bImAra pdd'aa| usake liye kisIne batA diyA ki amAvasa ke AdhIrAta ke bAda zmazAna meM naMge jAkara citA meM se haDDI lAnA cAhiye usake bA~dhane se bImArI calI jAyagI / pitAjI ne yaha kAma niHsaMkoca hokara kriyA / yaha bAta dUsarI haiM ki lar3ako acchA na huA / aura bhI bahuta se kAma choTe bar3e unheM karanA par3ata the aura ve karate the| unakA svArtha yaha thA ki __ mai. ArAma se palapusa jAUM / - pitAjIne mere liye jo tyAga kiyA, tapa kiyA vaha bahuta __ kama pitA kara pAte haiN| mAtAoM meM avazya hI aise namUne mila sakate haiM ve bhI bahuta nhiiN| khaira, mere Upara pitAjI ke upakAroM ...kA hI bojha nahIM hai kintu buAjI kI sevA, sahAyatAM aura mUlacandajI kI sahiSNutArUpa udAratA kA bojha bhI kama nahIM haiN| jaba ina bAtoM kI yAda AtI hai to lajita ho jAtA hUM ki samAja ke liye acchA burA kucha bhI kiyA ho para pitAjI, buAjI aura mUlacandajI kA RNa to na cukA pAyA / buAjI to tabhI svargIyA ho gaI jaba mere jIvana kI kalI khilane bhI na pAI thii| 6khilADI par3hane meM koI khAsa ruci na thI sirpha paMDita kahalAne kI mahattvAkAMkSA thii| zauka se agara koI cIja par3hatA thA to vaha thA pdmpuraann| skUlI kitAbeM to jI para AtI thiiN| prAyamarI hindI skUla kI par3hAI pUrI ho jAne para. meM aMgrejI skUla meM biThalAyA gyaa| cAroM taraha kI varNamAlA to kisI taraha sIkhalI para bAkI

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28] Atma-kathA jo kucha thA vaha bhAra ho gayA / raTane meM maiM kamajora thA / aura aMgrejI meM to zabdArtha aura speliMga kI raTAI hI mukhya thI / isIliye maiM jIvana bhara aMgrejI na sIkha sakA / adhyApaka ho jAne para bhI kaIbAra prayatna kiyA para raTAI na kara sakane ke kAraNa bahuta kama phala huaa| aura Aja bhI aMgrejI kA jJAna nahIM ke barAbara hai| vAlyavasthA meM maiM sirpha bhajana hI raTa pAtA thA kyoMki vaha nagada puNya thA-usakA phala turanta milatA thA- samAja meM tArIpha hotI thii| vAkI raTane ke kArya meM sadA asaphala rhaa| raTAI kI usa kamajorI ne aMgrejI skUla kI par3hAI se aruci karadI / par3hAI kI aruci se maiM adhika khilAr3I lar3AkU vAtUnI aura sAhasI ho gayA / yadyapi jaba hindI skUla meM par3hatA thA taba bhI khilAr3I thA para aba to isa kI mAtrA itanI bar3ha gaI ki sImA kA ullaMghana ho gyaa| chuTTIke dina sabaha se rAtri ke dasa gyAraha baje taka khelatA hI rahatA sirpha bhojana karane ke liye AtA / aMgrejI skUla meM mana na lagatA thA / mere. samAna mana na lagAsakanevAle aura bhI lar3ake the una saba kA guTTa vana gayA / hama loga skUla ke samaya apanA apanA bastA lekara nikalate aura eka nizcita jagaha para ikaTThe hote phira vahAM se vastI se dUra khetoM meM ghUmate rahate / bhUkha lagatI to zAkabhAjI ke kheta meM se mUlI tor3a lete / para corI karane ke liye jisa himmata kI jarUrata thI vaha himmata mujhameM nahIM thii| isaliye dUsare sAthI jo curAkara mAla lAte usI meM se mujhe kucha miltaa| isa prakAra hama saba dina pUrA

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khilAr3I [29 karake skUla kI chuTTIka samaya apanI apanI pustakoM kA bastA davAye apane apane ghara pahu~ca jaate| .. para yaha pola bahuta dina na calI / kucha dinoM meM skUla kI tarapha se gairahAjirI kI jA~ca huI aura bhaMDAphor3a ho gayA / pitAjI jabardastI pakar3a pakar3a kara mujhe skUla le jAne lge| para. isa kAma meM maiMne unheM itanA parezAna kiyA aura svayaM dukhI huA ki kucha to dayA ke kAraNa aura kucha parezAnI ke kAraNa unheM __ mara par3hAne kA irAdA chor3a denA par3A isa prakAra meM svatantra arthAt svacchanda ho gayA / usa dasa gyAraha varSa kI umra meM vyApAra vagairaha to kara hI nahIM sakatA thaa| pitAjI ke pAsa rojagAra bhI aisA na thA jisa meM merI ruci hotii| anAja ke thaile lAdanA mere vaza ke bAhara thA aura pitAjI bhI nahIM cAhate the ki meM isa kAma meM pahUM isaThiya maiM svatantra arthAta svacchanda kara diyA gyaa| dina bhara gillI golI aura tAsa khelatA / kaur3iyoM se juA bhI khalatA thA / paisoM se juA gvaTane kI himmata kabhI nahIM huI na itane sAdhana hI the / lagAtAra dasa dasa ghaMTe taka tAsa gbalanA mere liye svAmAvika thaa| khalase meM yakatA na thaa| asala ma maiM vyasanI ho gayA thaa| para bar3A AdamI banane kI dhuna aba bhI savAra thI isaliye dhIre dhIre maiMna TolI banAI aura bahuta se lar3akoM kA saradAra bana gyaa| apane dalako lekara maiM cUmane jAtA, dUsare daloM se yuddha karatA aura bhI kucha na kucha AkarSaka aura sAhasapUrNa kAryakrama rakhatA / mere ghara para dala kA Aphisa banA idhara udhara kI acchI burI tasavIroM meM vaha

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30 ] Atma-kathA sajAyA gayA / vahAM kaur3iyoM se candA kiyA jAtA thaa| maiM ThaharA saradAra, isaliye cande meM pUrA paisA yA do paise taka de DAlatA thA / kabhI kabhI sarkasa sarIkhe sAdhAraNa khala tamAze karake kaur3iyoM kA TikaTa lagA kara dhana-saMgraha karatA / jarUrata hone para apane hAtha-kharca ke paise do paise lagA detA / merI phauja ke lar3ake yA to garIboM ke the yA kaMjUsa amIroM ke, isaliye merA saba para rauba thA / yahAM taka ki jaba ur3akoM meM paraspara jhagar3A hotA taba usakA nivaTArA maiM hI karatA / jo aparAdhI hotA use vetoM se pITatA, isake liye maiMne do paise kA beta bhI kharIda liyA thaa| isa prakAra aparAdhI ko sajA dekara socatA ki maiM mAsTara to nahIM bana pAyA para jo kucha bana pAyA vaha mAsTara se kucha burA nahIM hai / muhalle meM merA eka pratispardhI bhI thA, usa ke tarapha lar3ake na khiMca jAya isakI bar3I ciMtA rakhanA par3atI thii| isake liye nAnA AkarSaka kAryakrama rakhanA par3ate the| itane para bhI kabhI kabhI akelA raha jAnA par3atA thA aura dhairya se loka-saMgraha kA prayatna karanA par3atA thaa| virodhiyoM se ghira jAne para kabhI kabhI akele hI sAmanA karanA par3atA thaa| itanI caturAI taba AgaI thI ki cAra chaH virodhI dUra se patthara mAreM to una sabakI coToM se meM apanI rakSA kara sakU~ / Ate hue patthara kI dizA pahicAna kara Upara kUdakara yA baiThakara yA dAyeM vAyeM hokara coTa se vacane meM / usa samaya kAphI hozyAra ho gayA thA / isaliye virodhI dala se' ghira kara AtmarakSA acchI taraha kara letA thA /

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[ 31 / khilAr3I : . mere dala meM kucha aise vyakti bhI the jo zakti meM mujhase adhika the parantu : kahIM kulInatA ke kAraNa, kahIM aMdhoM meM kAne rAjA ke samAna apanI buddhi yA bhajanAdi sambandhI vidvattA ke kAraNa, kahIM paise do paise pratidina kharca kara sakane kI apanI amIrI ke kAraNa merA prabhAva unapara rahatA thA / isa prakAra varSa Der3ha varSa kA samaya khUba maje meM biitaa| . . para isa samaya bhI mere manameM eka lAlasA thI hI ki paMDita banUM / mere gAMva kA eka lar3akA saMskRta par3hane sAgara gayA thA chuTTI meM jala vaha vahA~ se AyA to usake rahana sahana meM kAphI parivartana ho gayA thA aura usakI kAphI prazaMsA hotI thI use dekhakara merA.jI. le. le jAtA thA aura merI bhI icchA hotI thI ki maiM bhI kisI taraha saMskRta par3hane calA jAU~ / . ekavAra mujhe mAlUma huA ki indaura meM saMskRta vidyAlaya hai vahA~ vidyArthiyoM ko chaH rupayA mAsika chAtravRtti milatI hai para usI meM apane khAne pIne Adi kA kharca nikAlanA par3atA hai roTI bhI apane hAtha se banAnA par3atI hai vartana bhI malanA par3ate haiM / maiM ina saba paristhitiyoM kA sAmanA karane ke liye taiyAra ho gayA para pitAjI taiyAra nahIM hue| ve vizvAsa hI nahIM kara sakate the ki maiM itanA kaSTa uThA sakU~gA, kyoMki maiM ghara se , bAjAra taka loTA le jAtA thA to merA hAtha darda karane lagatA thA u~galiyA~ phUla jAtI thiiN| lar3ane jhagar3ane aura khelane ko chor3akara choTe se choTA kAma bhI maiM nahIM kara pAtA thA / aisI hAlata meM maiM roTI banA sakU~gA kapar3e

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2 ___32 ] Atma kathA tho sakU~gA vartana mala sakU~gA isakI AzA hI vyartha thI, isAleya pitAjI ne mujhe indora na bhejaa| thor3I dera ko mujhe apanI nAlAyakI para kheda huA para bAda meM phira khilAr3I jIvana meM DUba gyaa| isa jIvana se aneka kaDDae anubhava hue| kabhI anyAya se dUsaroM ko satAyA, kabhI anyAya se satAyA gayA, kacahariyoM taMka jhagar3e pahu~cane kI naubata AI aura pahu~ce bhI / isasamaya merA jIvana AvArAgardI kA kendra bana gayA thA / dasa varSa kI umra ke vAda zikSaNahIna lar3ako kA jIvana prAyaH aisA hI ho jAtA hai| zikSaNa cAlU ho taba to ThIka, nahIM to isa umra kA laDakA bar3A bhaddA jIva hai / na to zizu samajhakara use koI pyAra kara sakatA hai na yuvaka samajhakara usa kA koI Adara kara sakatA hai| pitAjI kI ekamAtra santAna hone se maiM una ke pyAra ko pAye hue thA para aura saba ke liye to naTakhaTiyoM kA saradAra thaa| para saubhAgya itanA hI thA ki naTakhaTapana khela kU~da tathA jarUrata hone para mArapITa yA gAlI galauz2a taka hI sImita rahA / vyabhicAra, corI, vizvAsaghAta, bIr3I, tambAkU, bhaMga Adi mujhe chUne nahIM pAye / kaI dostoMne bIr3I Adi ke liye bar3I koziza kI mere mu~imeM ha~sa hsa dI, dIvAlI Adi ke avasaroM para to gurujanoM ne bhI bhaMga pilAne kI koziza kI para maine mu~ha vigAr3a kara ulTI karane kA DhoMga kara ke apanA bacAva kara liyA / vyabhicAra ke liye dostoMne khUba jora maaraa| vyabhicAra kA Ananda, kisa kisa dosta ne kaba kaba kisa kisa kumArI vidhavA vezyA Adi ke sAtha vyabhicAra kiyA isa kI jhUThI saccI kathAe~ mujhe sunAI jAtI,

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khilADI [33 .. para sunate hI meM Dara jAtA / purANoM ke svAdhyAya ne yA aura ajJAta __ saMskaroMne mujhe kucha aisA pApa-bhIra banA diyA thA ki corI aura vyabhicAra kI mujha meM himmata hI nahIM rahagaI thI / nArI jAti ke viSaya meM to kucha aisI bhAvanA bana gaI thI ki maiM dasa lar3akoMse bhale hI lar3ajAU~ para eka lar3akI se. Dara jAtA thA . / lar3akoM ko yA bar3e bUDhoM taka ko gAlI de jAtA para kisI strI kA sAmanA par3atA to bhAgane ke sivAya aura kucha na kara pAtA thA / striyoM ko gAlI denA to dUra kI bAta, para. kisI strI ke sAmane kisI ko gAlI denA bhI burA samajhatA thA / agara koI lar3akA kisI __ strI ke sAmane kisI dUsare lar3ake ko gAlI detA to maiM use mAra baitthtaa| mujhe nArI ke dekhate hI sItA aura aJjanA yAda AtI thiiN| padmapurANane ina mahilAoM kI bhakti se mere hRdaya ko bhara diyA thaa| . usa pratikUla vAtAvaraNa meM jisa ajJAta zaktine mere caritra kI pUrI taraha rakSA kI usa mahAzakti ko na jAnate hue bhI na jAne kitanebAra maiMne dhanyavAda diyA hai, na jAne kitanevAra ekAnta meM . sAzrunayanoM se praNAma kiyA hai| vahIM mahAzakti jagadambA, Izvara, satya, ahiMsA, karma, prakRti, puNya, Adi kyA hai yaha maiM abhI bhI kucha nahIM kahasakatA / merA nirIzvaravAda kaise IzvaravAda para avalambita hai yaha eka pahelI hI hai| Aja socatA hU~ ki vidhAtA ke vidhAna meM ina paheliyoM ke sivAya manuSya ke mAnamardana ke dUsare upAya kyA paryApta nahIM haiM ? jo ina paheliyoM ko banA rakkhA hai| khaira / . usa AvArAgardI ke jIvana meM bhI koI snehamayI mahAzakti apane pavitra aMcala se mere Upara AnevAlI pApa kI makkhiyA~ uDA

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34] Atma kathA rahI thii| usI kI preraNA thI kI maiM pratidina mandira meM jAtA thaa| aura koI strI zAstra sunanevAlI mila jAtI to zAstra arthAt padmapurANa bhI par3hatA thA / isa prakAra paMDita vanane kI bhAvanA jagI rahatI thI aura khilADI jIvana meM bhI vahA~ se nikalakara unnati karane kI preraNA milatI rahatI thii| sAgara pAThazAlA meM praveza buMdelakhaMDa ke jaina samAja meM paM. gaNezaprasAda jI kA bahuta nAma hai / ve sAgara pAThazAlA ke saMsthApaka aura adhiSThAtA haiM / ekavAra ve damoha Aye / ve zAstra meM kyA par3hate the yaha to nahIM samajha sakA para khUba par3hate the, unakA Adara bhI khuba hotA thA, unheM dekha kara phira paMDita banane kI lAlasA tIna huI, para pitAjI se kahanA vyartha thA ve mujhe bAhara bhejane ko taiyAra na the isaliye . maiM una paMDitajI ke pAsa gayA aura ekAnta meM milane ke liye ghaMToM bAra dekhatA rahA / bar3I muzkila meM ekAnta pAkara sAhasa vaTora kara maiMne unase kahA- maiM par3hanA cAhatA hUM Apa bharatI karaleM / unane saba hAla cAla pUcha kara kahA-tumhAre pitA kaheMge to tumheM bharatI kara lUMgA / mujhe mAnoM devatA kA varadAna mila gayA / mere sAthI bhAI udayacandajI laharI the jinheM maiM usa samaya guTTI kahA karatA thA unake gharavAle bhI unheM isI nAma se bulAte the| hama donoM ne zizuvarga meM eka sAtha praveza kiyA thA aura eka sAtha prAyamarI meM pAsa hue the| maiMne par3hanA choDa diyA thA ve aMgrejI

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sAgara pAThazAlA meM praveza [35 kI pahilI klAsa meM par3hatethe / merA inakA gharobA thaa| hAM, kabhI kabhI laDakoM ke nAyakatva ke kAraNa jhagar3A ho jAtA thA isaliye bolacAla bhI banda ho jAtI thI thor3I bahuta mArapITa bhI ho jAtI thii| para mitratA kauTumbikatA meM pariNata ho gaI thI isaliye sthAyIrUpa meM viccheda kabhI nahIM huA / inake pitAjI kI bhI icchA thI ki guTTI ko sAgara bhejaajaay| maiM bhI guTTI ke sAtha ho gayA kisI taraha pitAjI ko khIMcakara paM. gaNezaprasAdajI ke pAsa le gayA / sabake dabAva meM Akara unane mujhe sAgara bhejanA maMjUra kara liyaa| ghara Ane para buAjI ne kahA--akele lar3ake ko kahA~ jAte ho ? basa, pitAjI ko itanA izArA kAphI thA unane phira manA kara diyA / para maiMne himmata na hArI / jisa dina paM. gaNezaprasAdajI sAgara jAnevAle the usa dina zAma se hI maiM unake pIche pIche phirane lagA / para unase bAta karane kI himmata na par3I / isa prakAra rAta ke 12 // baja gaye / do baje gAr3I jAtI thI taba maiMne bar3I himmata karake unase kahA-mujhe sAtha le caliye | unane kahA--aise kaise le calU? tumhAre pitA to phira Aye hI nahIM / tuma apane pitA ko lekara sTezana Ao unase bAtacIta hone para jaisA hogAM dekhA jaaygaa| 12 // baje rAta ko mallapurA se ghara lauTA / utanI rAta ko una galiyoM meM se ghara Ane kA yaha pahilA hI abasaraM thA / aura to ThIka, lekina eka galI ke eka vizAla imalI ke jhAr3a para saikar3oM bhUtoM ke rahane kI kiMvadantI thii| ina bhUtoM ko kava : kaba kisa kisane kisa kisa taraha dekhA yaha saba yAda thA, rAta meM usa

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36 ] Atma kathA jhAr3a * ke nIce se nikalanA mere liye saba se kaThina kArya thA / ekAdha AdamI sAtha ho taba bhI maiM DaratA thA phira akele kI to bAta hI nirAlI thI / para yaha kahanA cAhiye ki usa rAta meM mujha meM asIma sAhasa A gayA thA / usa jhAr3a ke nIce se maiM himmata karake nikala AyA / para pitAjI ko merI isa himmata se kyA matalaba, ve sTezana para calane ko rAjI hI na hote the / vahuta royA, bakajhaka kI, anta meM itanA jhUTha bhI bolA ki tumheM paMDitajI ne aura kAma se bulAyA hai aura kahA hai ki daravArIko bhejanA ho bhejo, na bhejanA ho mata bhejo, para mujhase ekabAra jarUra mila jAo / isa para ve kisI taraha rAjI hue aura maiM unheM lekara sTezana pahuMcA / paMDitajI kA prabhAva itanA thA ki unake sAmane manA karane kI himmata pitAjI meM nahIM thI / yukti tarka Adi kI apekSA prabhAva kitanA balavAna hai isakA mujhe acchA anubhava huA / usa rAta kA Ananda eka anirvacanIya Ananda thA / rAtabhara maiM isI kalpanA meM masta rahA ki maiM paMDitajI vana gayA hUM bar3I bar3I sabhAoM meM zAstra par3ha rahA hUM loga mujhase paMDita jI paMDitajI kaha rahe haiM, basa maiM kRtakRtya hUM / . do cAra dina bAda maiMne pitAjI se sAgara bheja dene kI bAta kahI para unane phira manA karadiyA / para aba to mujha meM lar3ane kI himmata AgaI thI / maiMne kahA- agara tumheM nahIM bhejanA thA to usa dina paMDitajIse kyoM kahA ? jAnate ho mahApuruSoM ke sAtha jhUTha bolane se kitanA pApa hotA hai ? vasu rAjA kI kaisI dazA huI thI / isa prakAra purANoM kI paMDitAI batA batAkara maiMne unheM khUba .

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sAgara pAThazAlA meM praveza [37 phaTakArA | satya bolanA hI jIvana hai isa para eka vyAkhyAna sA jhAr3a gayA mAnoM apane pitA se satya bulavAne kI ThekedArI mujhe hI * mila gaI ho| - isa prakAra 15-20 dina lar3ane ke bAda maiM bhAI udayacanda ke sAtha sAgara pAThazAlA meM par3hane bheja diyA gayA / (4) pAThazAlA kA jIvana sAgara pAThazAlA kA nAma choTA na thaa| vaha 'sattarka sudhA taraGgiNI digambara jaina pAThazAlA' kahalAtI thii| Aja to usakI vizAla imArata haiM para una dinoM vaha camelI caukake eka makAna meM thii| pAThazAlA meM mere jIvana meM kAphI parivartana huaa| apane hAtha se kapar3e dhonA, jhADU lagAnA kabhI kabhI vartana malanA, khAsa khAsa dinoM meM rasoiyA ko madada karanA, adhyApakoM kI lakar3I lAnA, unakI zAka vagairaha vanAnA Adi bahuta se kArya maiM sIkha gayA / ghara para zAyada jIvana bhara ye choTe choTe kAma na sIkha pAtA / ghara para khilAr3I pUrA thA para kAma kA parizrama jarA bhI na hotA .. thA / yahA~ Adata pdd'ii| sAtha hI vinaya aura niyamitatA bhI kAphI AgaI mitavyayI yA kaMjUsa bhI ho gayA / pAThazAlA kI tarafa se hAtha kharca ke liye cAra Ane mahIne milatA thA aura karIba ATha Ane mahInA pitAjI dete the / isa prakAra bAraha Ane mahIne mere hAthakharca kA bajaTa thaa| - ghara para to dina meM kaI bAra kucha na kucha khAne ko mila jAtA thA aura savere kalevA to avazya milatA thA / para pAThazAlA

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38] Atma kathA meM yaha saba kaise ho sakatA thaa| vahA~ to ba~dhe hue samaya para do bAra bhojana milatA thA / isaliye suvaha kAfI bhUkha laga AtI thI taba Adhe paise ke cane khAyA karatA thA | kabhI kabhI jaba bhUkha joradAra mAlUma hotI taba apane hisse ke dhImeM se-jo prati pratipadA ko miTTI ke bartana meM milA karatA thA-ekAdha tolA ghI khAliyA karatA thA, yA pUre paise ke cane le letA thA, isase bar3hakara ulakharcI kabhI nahIM huii| hAM, kabhI eka do paise ke phala bhI le letA thaa| isa prakAra chaH sAta Ane mahIne kA kharca yaha thA aura vAkI paise sTezanarI aura pustaka Adi ke kAma Ate the| kapar3e pitAjI de jAyA karate the / isa prakAra maje meM gujara ho jAtI thii| . udhAra lenA aura bhIkha mA~ganA ye kArya mere liye bar3e kaThina the / isaliye bhI mitavyayI ho gayA thA / udhAra lenA eka taraha kA pApa hai yaha samajha svabhAva se hI mujhe milI thI / aba bhI merA yahI vicAra hai / valki usameM itanA vicAra aura jur3a gayA hai ki udhAra lene ke samAna udhAra denA bhI pApa hai / agara mitratA kA yA riztedArI kA nAza karanA ho to udhAra mA~galo yA udhAra de do| isa viSaya ke kaDue anubhava jIvana meM bahuta se hue| saikar3oM rupaye khoye ristedAriyA~ TUTI mitratAe~ chUTIM / jaba koI udhAra mA~gane Aye samajhalo eka amogha Apatti A gaI / agara udhAra dete ho to, aura nahIM dete ho to prema naSTa hotA hai| isa viSaya ke kaDue anubhava satyAzrama kI sthApanA ke bAda Aja kala bhI ho rahe haiM / eka saMjjana jo satyasamAjI bana gaye the apanA makAna banavAne ke liye kucha hajAra rupayA udhAra mAMgane Aye / para mere pAsa itanA

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pAThazAlA kA jIvana 39 sAmarthya kahAM thA, isaliye asamarthatA pragaTa kI, basa unakA satyasamAjIpana nikala gayA / eka aura kaThinAI hai ki manA karanA mere liye kaThina hotA hai / sAdhAraNataH kaThina prasaMga Ane para bhI maiM mA~gatA nahIM thA isaliye socatA hUM jaba koI mA~gane AyA hai to usake Upara utanA kaThina prasaGga AyA hogA jitanA mere jIvana meM kabhI nahIM AyA aisI avasthA meM denA merA kartavya hai| para vAstavika bAta to yaha hai ki jitane mA~ganevAle hote haiM una saba ke jIvana meM aise kaThina prasaGga nahIM Ate jinheM ve vinA mAge TAla na sakate hoM / koI koI kI bAta dUsarI hai| . yahA~ usa mA~gane se matalaba nahIM hai ki ghara meM rupayA hai para kisI khAsa jagaha yA khAsa samaya rupayoM kI z2arUrata ho gaI aura mA~ga liyA aura ghara Akara turaMta de diyA / para bahuta se aise mitra bhI mile jinane isa sahUliyata kA bhI durupayoga kiyA / merA vistIrNa anabhava hai-yadyapi hRdaya kI nirbalatA ke kAraNa usakA pAlana nahIM kara pAtA hUM-ki mitratA aura riztedArI ke bIca meM paise kA lenadena na Ane denA cAhiye / denA ho to dAna yA sahAyatA ke rUpameM denA cAhiye / khaira, sIdhI bAta yaha hai ki mujha se mA~ganA na banatA thA na banatA hai / balki mA~gane kI kalA ke ajJAna kI 'ati ho gaI hai| saMsthA ke liye mA~gane meM bhI lajjA mAlUma hotI hai| isa dRSTi se asaphala hone kA mukhya kAraNa zAyada yahI ho| kucha bhI ho, maiM mitavyayI yA kaMjUsa thA , aura sAtha hI saba taraha kI vyavasthA kA Ananda bhI lenA cAhatA thaa| maiMne eka

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40] Atma kathA . DibbI apanI peTI meM rakha chor3I thii| usa DibbI kA nAma kyA thA 'ka' / usameM kabhI kabhI ekAdha paisA DAla diyA karatA thA / isa prakAra kabhI kabhI usameM cAra Ane taka ikaDe ho jAte the| usa veMka nAmaka dhruvaphaMDa meM isase adhika dhanasaMgraha nahIM kara pAtA thaa| bahuta kaThina avasthA meM hI usameM se paise nikAle jAte the / eka bAra aisA avasara AyA ki ghara se paise na ApAye | pAThazAlA se jo cAra Ane mile ve kharca ho gaye sirpha eka paisA vcaa| isa eka paise se vIsa dina gujara karanA par3I / maiM yaha bhI nahIM cAhatA thA ki jarUrata hone para kisI ke sAmane mujhe yaha kahanA par3e ki mere pAsa eka bhI paisA nahIM hai / kama se kama ghara samAcAra bhejane ke liye eka paisA rahanA jarUrI hai ( unadinA posTakArDa tIna paise meM nahIM, eka paise meM milatA thA) udhAra lene se to aisI hI ghaNA thI jaise pApa se hotI hai| usa samaya bhI merA vicAra thA aura Aja bhI merA vicAra hai ki jo manuSya udhAra letA hai vaha apane vyaktitva ko Atmagaurava ko naSTa karatA hai, vaira ke vIja votA hai| aura Aja to itanA aura kahatA hUM ki paMjIvAda ko jIvita rakhatA hai| udhAra lene se ghRNA yahAM taka rahI ki bambaI meM bahuta se dukAnadAra kahA karate the ki Apa khAtA rakhiye mahIne ke mahIne hisAva cukA dIjiye yA jaba icchA ho tava hisAba cukA dIjiye / para maiMne dukAnoM meM bhI isa prakAra ke khAte nahIM khole| itanA udhAra lenA bhI mujhe burA mAlUma hotA thaa| hAlA~ki isa prakAra ke khAte rakkha jA~ya to koI burAI nahIM hai | para jahAM taka na rakkhe jAMya vahAM taka

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... pAThazAlA kA jIvana [41 ..acchA hI hai| isa vRtti kI jar3a bAlyAvasthA se hI jamI hai / yahI kAraNa hai ki eka paise ko lekara maiMne bIsa dina gujara kii| bIsa dina ke liye sabere ke cane bhI banda ho gaye.phira aura kharca to karatA hI kyA ? isa samaya vicAra karatA hUM to aisA mAlUma hotA hai ki usa samaya kAphI Arthika kaSTa thaa| parantu una dinoM utane meM hI santoSa thA balki dharmazAstra kA yaha asara par3atA thA ki apane ko kucha dAna bhI denA cAhiye / isI bAta ke liye eka vAra do cAra chAtroM ne eka baiThaka kii| usameM vicAra kiyA gayA ki apane ko cAra AnA mahIne hAthakharca milatA hai, parantu duniyA meM aise bhI AdamI haiM jinheM itanA bhI nahIM milatA isaliye apanA kartavya hai ki hama hAthakharca meM se kucha na kucha dAna avazya kareM / anta meM yaha taya huA ki eka paisA mahInA dAna karanA caahiye| basa, jisa dina hAthakharca ke cAra Ane milate usa dina do adhele do bhikhAriyoM ko de detaa| bahuta dinoM taka yaha niyama calA / isase samajhA jA sakatA hai ki usa samaya kI garIbI khaTakatI nahIM thii| itanA hI nahIM, kintu dAnI banane kA zauka bhI pUrA kara letA thaa| . . . sAgara pAThazAlA kI dinacaryA kucha kaThora thii| subaha cAra baje uThanA par3atA thA aura rAtri ke dasa baje sonA par3atA thA / . Aja bhI maiM sAta sAr3he sAta ghaMTe nIMda letA hUM una dinoM ATha ghaMTe kI jarUrata thI / phala yaha hotA ki usa do ghaMTekI kamI ko cAra ghaMTe UMghakara pUrI karatA / idhara ATha baje se UMghane lagatA udhara savere cAra baje uThakara diyA jalAkara acchI taraha rajAI or3akara chaH baje taka UMghatA rahatA / paMDitajI yA koI adhyApaka jana Aye to AhaTa

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42] Atma kathA 1 pAkara pustaka kI tarapha dekhane lage yA kisI dina pakar3e gaye to ArAma se sira jhukAkara do cAra gAliyAM khAlI aura unake jAne para phira U~ghane lage / merA tathA aura bahuta se vidyArthiyoM kA yahI krama thA / saMcAlakoM ne yaha kabhI nahIM socA ki agara ina lar3akoM ko pUrI nIMda dI jAyagI to ye U~ghanA baMda kara deMge aura kucha dhyAna se par3ha skeNge| unake sAmane to vanArasa kI ve kahAniyA~ thIM ki vanArasa meM vidyArthI apanI lambI coTI khUMTI se bA~dhakara - par3hate haiM ki nIMda Aye to coTI ko jhaTakA lagane se khula jAya / coTI to prAyaH sabhI vidyArthiyoM ne bar3hAI thI isaliye maiMne bhI, para isa prakAra khUMTI se ba~dhane kA saubhAgya use nahIM mila pAyA / isa prakAra ke kRtrima jAgaraNa se jo raTAI hotI hai usa meM mu~ha to bajatA hai para mana nahIM vajatA, jaba ki adhyayana mana kI majadUrI hai mu~ha kI nahIM / isa prakAra se hama loga rAta bhara doM zloka raTate the aura savere bhUla jAte the / isa asaphalatA kI chApa mere Upara yaha par3I ki maiM apane ko mUrkha samajhane lagA / yoM to haraeka manuSya kucha na kucha mUrkha hotA hai para maiM jitanA thA usase bhI adhika samajhane lagA / eka taraha se AtmavizvAsa naSTa ho gayA / yaha bhI eka kAraNa thA ki kaI varSa par3hane para bhI maiM vizeSa na par3ha pAyA / : pAThazAlA ke jIvana meM eka vizeSa guNa thA / vahAM kA vAtAvaraNa haraeka vidyArthI ko vinIta aura AjJApAlaka banA detA thA / eka hI makAna meM saba vidyArthI, adhyApaka adhiSThAtA Adi rahate the aura usI makAna meM par3hAI hotI thI, isa prakAra dina rAta kA

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[43 * pAThazAlA kA jIvana itanA samparka rahate hue bhI vinaya kA pUrA pAlana hotA thA / kursiyA~ yA beMce to vahAM thIM nahIM, mAmUlI Doriye the phira bhI adhyApaka ke pAsa Ane para hama khar3e ho jAte the / aura apane kamare kA yaha niyama thA ki jabataka gurujana kamare meM rahate hama unake sAmane khaDe rahate, dina meM sabase pahile jaba koI adhyApaka milatA to usake caraNa chUte, bhale hI vaha bAjAra kyoM na ho| adhyApakoM kI AjJA na mAnane kI to hama loga kalpanA hI nahIM kara sakate the / unake pukArane para saba kAma chor3akara turanta hAjira ho jAte the| kisI bhI taraha kI choTI bar3I sevA karane meM hameM zarma na mAlUma hotI thii| - isa vinaya aura sevA ke do pariNAma mAlUma hue / eka te guru ziSya kA ghaniSTha prema, jisase guru ke hRdaya meM ziSya kI unnati kI prabala AkAMkSA banI rahatI thii| dUsarA ahaMkAra yA udaMDatA kA damana, isase aneka anarthoM para aMkuza rahatA thaa| - kucha logoM kA yaha vicAra hai ki guruziSya kA sambandha do mitroM sarIkhA honA cAhiye / para merA to yaha anubhava hai ki pitA putra ke samAna sambandha adhika lAbhaprada hai / prema to donoM hAlatoM meM hai para mitratA ke nAte meM IrSyA jaldI paidA hojAtI hai, pada pada para adhikAra kA vicAra aura apamAna kA anubhava hone lagatA hai aisI hAlata meM guru utanA hI detA hai jitanA parIkSA-phala ke liye anivArya ho / dene ke viSayameM usakI dilI umaMga naSTa ho jAtI hai| mAnava-hRdaya kI yaha kamajorI hai joki pUrNa yogI honepara hI naSTa ho sakatI hai ki vaha pratidvanditA sahana nahIM kara sakatA / mitra yA bhAI se bhI hama prema karate haiM aura beTe se bhii| para veTe kI

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44] Atma kathA / unnati kI jitanI cintA yA prasannatA hameM hotI hai utanI mitra yA bhAI kI unnati kI nahIM / ziSya yadi guru se bar3A bhI ho jAya kintu bar3A hone para bhI jaba vaha milane para sira jhukAye taba guru yaha kyoM na cAhegA ki merA ziSya mahAna se mahAna ho jisase merI mahattA bddh'e| veTe ke samAna ziSya kI mahattA guru ke hRdaya meM IyA nahIM paidA karegI kintu mitra ke samAna ziSya kI paidA karegI / sAdhAraNataH bhAI bhAI meM IrSyA ho jAtI hai vApa beTe meM nahIM / mAnava-hRdaya kI isI kamajorI ko dhyAna meM rakhakara guru ziSya ko pitA putra ke samAna mAnane kI nIti banAI gaI thii| dUsarI bAta yaha hai ki jaba guru mitra raha jAtA hai tava guru kA saMkoca lajjA Adi naSTa ho jAte haiM isaliye javAnI kI udaMDatAe~ tathA aura bhI vurAiyA~ nirakuMza ho jAtI haiM / guru ke astitva kA unapara prabhAva nahIM par3atA aisA jIvana dUsaroM ko dukhI karatA hai aura apane ko dukhI karatA hai| maiM mitra rUpa meM ziSya aura putra rUpa meM ziSya aura mitra rUpameM guru aura pitA rUpameM guru, ina cAroM hAlatoM meM se gujarA hUM aura usa para se isI nirNaya para AyA hUM ki kucha apavAdoM ko chor3akara guru ziSya kA pitA putra ke samAna honA hI ThIka hai| hA~, kabhI kabhI aise avasara bhI Ate haiM jahA~ mitra ko bhI apane pAsa paDhane kA avasara A jAtA hai eka viSaya kA vidvAna dUsare viSaya ke vidvAna ke pAsa kucha sIkhanA * cAhatA hai to aisI avasthA meM mitratva ke sambandha kA nirvAha karanA cAhiye /

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pAThazAlA kA jIvana . [45 guruziSya ko pitA putra banAne kA yaha matalaba nahIM hai ki ziSya AcAra vicAra ke viSaya meM bhI guru kA dAsa bana jAya / mere eka brAhmaNa adhyApaka maithulathe / maithula loga prAyaH sarvabhakSI huA karate haiM / ve mAMsa machalI keMcue jhiMgura Adi taka khA jAte haiN| mere adhyApaka zAkAhArI rahate the kyoMki isa tarapha brAhmaNa loga mAMsabhakSI nahIM hote, phira ve eka jainazAlA meM rahate the; parantu jaba chuTTI meM apane ghara jAte the taba khAyA karate the yaha bAta hama saba ko mAlUma thii| kabhI kabhI maiM mAMsabhakSaNa ko namra virodha kiyA karatA thA / isI prakAra jaina siddhAnta ko lekara', vivAda sA karane lagatA thaa| kintu jaba ve mere bAlocita 'tako se Ubakara gAlI de vaiThate taba ha~sa detA thaa| .. . yaha niyama thA ki guru aMgara krodha se DauTe to cupa rahajAnA, yadi halake krodha yA vinodamizrita krodha kA pradarzana kareM to musakarAM' jAnI / isa prakAra guru ziSya kA sambandha kabhI nahIM bigaDU paayaa| isa nIti kA acchA hI prabhAva pdd'aa| ... phira bhI itanA to kahanA hI par3egA ki guru ziSya kA yaha sambandha tabhI. Tika sakatA hai jaba.guru , yogya ho snehI ho. niHpakSa .: ho aura usameM kucha gAmbhIrya aura kucha vinoda ho - / khaira, sAgara : pAThazAlA ke jIvana se itanA Avazya huA ki maiM kaSTasahiSNu sevAbhAvI aura vinIta ho gyaa| . . .

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Atma kathA [9] pAThazAlA kA jJAnadAna. isameM koI sandeha nahIM ki sAgara pAThazAlA ne merA bar3A upakAra kiyA hai / mere jIvana kI dhArA vadaladI hai / phira bhI itanA kahanA hI par3atA hai ki usakA zikSaNakrama bar3A sadoSa thA / pahile pahile sAta ATha mahIne taka mujha se amarakoSa hI raTAyA gayA, phira sAta ATha-mahIne taka kAtaMtra vyAkaraNa calA, phira laghukaumudI calI | sAtha ke liye dUsarA koI viSaya na thA / itihAsa, kAnya aMgrejI Adi kA abhyAsa to dUra kI bAta, para jisa dharmazikSaNa ke liye pAThazAlA thI vaha dharmazikSaNa bhI na milatA thA / brAhmaNa adhyApaka jainadharma ke zikSaNa ke virodhI, aura paM. gaNezaprasAdajI brAhmaNa adhyApakoM ke hAtha kI kaThaputalI, isaliye dharmazAstra kA zikSaNa banda thA .! idhara koSa aura vyAkaraNa raTanA mere liye atyanta arucikara thA / isa prakAra tIna cAra varSa meM na to maiM vyAkaraNa pUrA par3ha pAyA na anya kisI viSaya kA adhyayana huaa| saMsarga ke kAraNaM kucha purAnepana ke saMskAra jora pakar3a gaye / para na mAlUma vaha kaunasI zakti thI jo mujhe bAhara phailAnA cAhatI thii| pAThazAlA kI par3hAI meM maiM asantuSTa rahatA thA / isaliye jJAna kI bhUkha bujhAne ke liye maiMne idhara udhara khoja zuru kara dii| sAgara meM eka sarasvatI vAcanAlaya thA / zAma ko vahIM jAne laMgI / pustakeM ghara lAne ke liye kucha DipAjiTa jamA karanA par3atI thI para rupayA do rupayA bhI DipAjiTa jamA kara sakanA mere vaza ke bAhara thA isaliye roTI khAkara jaldI jaldI vAcanAlaya pahu~catA /

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pAThazAlA kA jJAnadAna [ 47 vahA~: : eka ghaMTA par3hatA aura daur3a kara samaya para zAlA meM A jAtA / isa prakAra hindI pustakeM par3hane kA pUrA ; to candrakAntA, candrakAntA saMtati, ke prasiddha aiyArI aura tilasmI ke upanyAsa hI par3heM para dhIre dhIre upanyAsoM se anya viSayoM ke paThana ke tarapha ruci hone lagI / isa adhyayana-zIlatAMne merI buddhi ko phailAne kI kAphI koziza kI, anyathA maiM jaisI paristhitiyoM meM par3a gayA thA usameM vicAraka bananA kaMThina hI thA / .. i. dharmazAstra - bhakti- sAgara pAThazAlA meM dharmazAstra nahIM par3hAyA * jAtA thA isakA mujhe bar3A kheda rahatA thA / usakI bhUkha bujhAne ke liye maiM kabhI kabhI maMdira meM svAdhyAya karatA / para maiM cAhatA thA ki vyavasthita rIti se dharmazAstra paDhUM jisase paMDita vanajAU~ / anta meM apane hI Apa kucha adhyayana karane ke liye maiMne tatrArthasUtra anuvAda sahita kharIdA aura use par3hane lagA / kahIM kahIM vaha samajha . meM nahIM AtA thA para tIsarA cauthA adhyAya khUba samajha meM AyA jisameM svarga naraka Adi kA varNana thA / usa samaya maiM kitanA kUpamaMDUka thA yaha isIse jAnA jAsakatA hai ki maiM socatA thA ki isase bar3hakara jJAna jagat meM kyA ho sakatA hai ? jagat ke bar3e se bar3e vidvAna isase adhika kyA jAnate hoMge ? isa meM svarga naraka utsarpiNI avasarpiNI Adi tIna kAla tIna loka Agaye aba jAnane ko bacA kyA ? 1: 1 1 vyasana laga gayA / pahile bhUtanAthaH Adi usa jamAne . i' tatvArtha sUtra ke usa svAdhyAya kA yaha asara huA ki yaha saMsAra mujhe bilakula phIkA mAlUma hone lagA / svarga, bhogabhUmi aura :

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48 ] Atma kathA * a videha kSetra kA mAnoM svAda AgayA thA / isaliye isa jIvana kA bar3A se bar3A Ananda mujhe niHsAra aura agrAhya jacatA thA / usa - samaya mujhe. var3e se bar3A pralobhana bhI nahIM jhukA sakatA thA / agara koI kahatA ki tuma kala mara jAoge to mujhe isa samAcAra se prasannatA hI hotI kyoMki yaha nizcita thA ki marakara maiM videha meM yA svarga meM jAUMgA, vahA~ tIrthaMkaroM ke darzana hoMge, roga zoka jhagar3A na hogA, bar3I zAMnti aura bar3A Ananda milegA / isa samaya khAne pIne kA moha bhI calA gayA thA eka bAra thor3AsA khAletA thA aura dinabhara inhIM vicAroM meM magna rahatA thA / .. marane ke bAda svarga yA videha avazya mile isake liye kucha * tapasyA kI tarapha bhI dhyAna jAne lagA / devadarzana meM samaya adhika lagane lagA | khAnapAna meM kucha aura kaSTa sahane kI icchA } : pAThazAlA ke bhojana meM koI vizeSatA nahIM thI, isaliye usameM to * kucha tyAga na kara sakA sirpha aise hI niyama karatA thA ki kisI : dina ghI nahIM khAnA, kisI dina dAla nahIM khAnA, kisI dina zAka nahIM khAnA, eka yA do vAra ke sivAya tIsare bAra kucha na khAnA, * . bIca meM pAnI Adi nahIM pInA / kucha dinoM ke liye aisA bhI niyama vinA liyA thA ki thAlI meM eka bAra jo parosA jAyagA utanAhI khAkara uTha AUMgA / phira yaha niyama banAyA ki dauA ( rasoIye 'ko saba loga dauA kahate the ) jaba taka parosatA rahegA taba taka khAUMgA agara thAlI khAlI ho jAyagI aura dauA ne parosa pAyA to eka sekinDa bhI na rukakara bhUkhA hI uThaM AUMgA / isa prakAra svarga aura videha kI lAlasA se dauA Adi ko taMga karate karate

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.. . !' pAThazAlA kA jJAnadAna 49 tapasyA karatA rahA / vAstavika tapa kyA hai isakA to bar3e bar3e vidvAnoM aura vRddhoM ko bhI muzkila se patA laga pAtA hai aura sau meM nabbe to jIvana bhara nahIM samajhata, phira mujhe kyA patA lagatA ? kucha mahine taka tapasyoM Adi kA yaha bhUta savAra rahA bAda meM / apane hI Apa utara gyaa| ina dinoM rAta meM bar3e maje maje ke svapna Ate the| do svapna to aba bhIyAda haiN|| . . .. : eka rAta ko mujhe yaha svapna AyA ki, maiM marakara solahaveM svarga meM deva ho gayA huuN| deva hone para bhI apsarAe~ yA sone cA~dI / ke vimAna na dikhe, dikhA sirpha yaha ki maiM AsamAna meM bahuta U~ceM cahalakadamI karatA huA barAbarI ke aneka devamitroM ke sAtha naMdIzvara dvIpa ke akRtrima caityAlayoMkI vandanA karane jA rahA hU~ aura una devatAoM se kaha rahA hUM ki, "mujhe yaha to AzA thI ki maiM marakara kisI acchI jagaha jAUMgA para yaha AzA nahIM thI ki maiM solahaveM svarga taka pahu~ca sakU~gA aura Apa logoM ke darzana kara skuuNgaa| ... jaba devoM se bAtacIta karatA huA maiM naMdIzvara dvIpa jA rahA thA taba saberA ho jAne se arthAt cAra baja jAne se pATha yAda karane ke liye jagA diyA gayA....Aha : usa samaya kitanA duHkha huA mAno saMmamuca svarga se martya loka meM, paTaka diyA gayA / : -: isa se bar3hakara svapna eka dUsare dina AyA ki maiM videhakSetra ___ meM jinendra ho gayA huuN| ___...: maiM vIcameM U~ce Asana para baiThA hUM gaNadhara muni deva rAjA satra cAroM aura nIce baiThe haiM / / maiM mana meM soca rahA hUM ki Akhira

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50 ] Atma kathA : cirakAla se jo merI icchA thI vaha pUrI ho hI gaI, maiM jinendra ho gayA aba siddhazilA para Asana jamAUMgA aura sadAke liye isa saMsAra se chUTa z2AUMgA / usa samaya itanA jJAna nahIM thA ki jainiyoM kI vartamAna mAnyatA ke anusAra jinendra ko soca vicAra karane ..kA bhI hakka nahIM hai aura siddha jIva siddha zilApara Asana nahIM jamAte / siddhazilA to sirpha zobhA ke liye hai. ve to use pArakara usake Upara tanuvAta valaya meM samAnatala para laTakate rahate haiM / khaira, yahI acchA thA ki itanA nahIM samajhatA thA, nahIM to strama kA majA kucha kirAkirA kirAkirA ho jaataa| jaba yaha svapna AhI rahA thA tabhI saverA hone se phira jagA diyA gyaa| samavazaraNa meM siMhAsana ke vedale jamIna para biche hue apane bistara para jaba apane ko par3e pAyA' tatra svarga ke svapna se bhI jyAdA kheda huA / svarga se to Akhira kabhI na kabhI giranA hI par3atA hai para jinendra hokara bhI giranA par3A yaha kucha kama durbhAgya kI bAta nahIM thI / usa rAta strama TUTane kA mujhe itanA raMja huA ki maiM rajAI se sira DhaMkakara rone lagA / dharmagraMthoM ke adhyayana ko komala hRdaya para kyA prabhAva par3atA hai * isakA eka namunA maiM thA / " pIche to pAThazAlA meM dharmazAstra kA zikSaNa diyA jAne lagA aura mujhe kRtakRtyatA kA anubhava hone lagA / dharmazAstra ke viSaya meM merI itanI zraddhA thI ki jaba kahIM mujhe yaha samAcAra milatA ki amuka ko bhUta lagA hai to maiM yaha kahatA ki maiM isa bAta kI * . . turanta jAca kara sakatA hUM ki bhUta saccA hai yA jhUThA / maiM usase pUchUMgA ki vaha kisa nikAya kA deva hai ? vyantara nikAya kA hai to *

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pAThazAlA kA jJAnadAna [ 51 kinnara kimpuruSa mahAroga gaMdharva yakSa rAkSasa, bhUta pizAca meM se kauna . hai ? usakI umra kyA hai usane videhoM meM kyA dekhA ? naMdIvara 'meM. kyA dekhA ? agara ina praznoM kA ThIka uttara ( jaina zAstroM ke . anusAra ) de degA to maiM saccA bhUta mAnU~gA / nahIM to jhUThA hai yaha sAfa bAta hai / maiM anya saba viSayoM meM sAdhAraNa thA para dharmazAstra meM satra se prathama rahatA thA / U~cI kakSA ke vidyArthI bhI dharmazAstra ke janarala jJAna ke liyeM merA nAma lete the / * * para tIna cAra sAla par3hane para bhI maiM kucha nahIM par3ha paayaa| laghukaumudI bhI pUrI na huI / kalakatte kI prathamA bhI nahIM de pAyA / zAyada vyAkaraNa to maiM jIvana bhara bhI pUrA na kara pAtA / isa viSaya meM maiMne apane ko mUr3ha mAna liyA thA ! tatra mujhe kAvya par3hane meM lagAyA gyaa| adhyApaka mahodaya, kAvya . T ke prakAMDa paMDita the para mujhase to kirAtArjunIya kI mallinAthI: TIkA ghuTavAte the / merA kahanA thA ki mallinAthI TIkA meM jo jo bAteM haiM veM, saba saba maiM Apako apane krama se sunA detA huuN| zloka kI pUrI vyAkhyA kara detA hUM para raTa kara usI krama se sunAU~ yaha mujhase na hogA / adhyApaka jI ko isa bAta se santoSa na thA / para ve mujhase prema bahuta karate the isaliye unake anurodha se jaise taise TIkA yAda kiyA * 1 4 karatA thA / :: isa samaya taka dharmazAstra meM pravezikA parIkSA meM pAsa, kara gayA thaa| merI tIvra icchA thI ki kisI taraha savArthasiddhi 5

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52] Atma kathA : pddh'e| para udhara paMDita gaNezaprasAdajI se kucha kahane kI himmatana par3atI thii| isaliye maiM ATha dasa dina kI. suTTI lekara ghara gayA aura vahA~ se eka patra likhA ki Apa mujhe sarvArthasiddhi par3hAveM .to AtA hUM nahIM to morenA jAtA huuN| . . . . . . .. ___ morenA ke nAma se pAThazAlA ke hara eka vyakti kA jI jalatA thaa| usa samaya morenA paM..gopAladAsajI vauyA ke kAraNa dharmazAstra kI zikSA kA sarvocca kendra bana gayA thaa| idhara sAgara pAThazAlA ke brAhmaNa adhyApaka, dharmazikSaNa; se barasA rakhate the| isaliye ve jaba dekho taba morenA, vidyAlaya kI aura paM. gopAladAsajI kI nindA kiyA karate the| unakA AkSepa thA ki dUsare vidyAlayoM aura khAsakara morenA kI pAThazAlA kA zikSaNa uthalA hai jaba ki sAgara pAThazAlA kA Thosa haiN| isameM sandeha nahIM ki zikSaNa Thosa thA, itanA Thosa ki usameM jJAnakA paudhA kaThinAI se hI UMga sNke| usa vAtAvaraNa kA prabhAva mujha para bhI kAphI zarbhizAstra kA bhakta hone para bhI maiM morenA vidyAlaya kA dveSI thaa| yaha jAnatA. thA ki morenA jAne se sAgara pAThazAlA kI ijjata ko baTTA lagegA, isaliye morenA jAne kI icchA nahIM thI para agara sAgare pAThazAlA: ke loga mujhe sarvArthasiddhi na paDAve to sarvArthasiddhi * par3hane ke liye yaha pApa karane ko bhI taiyAra thA / : :........... kA aMgara morenA jAnA par3atA to bar3A duHkha hotA kyoMki usa samaya bhI maiM pUrA kUpamaMDUka thaa| samajhatA thA saMsAra meM sabase bar3eM vidvAna paM. gaNezaprasAdajI haiM, sabase acchI pAThazAlA sAgara kI yaha hamArI pAThazAlA hai| itanA hI nahIM, yaha kUpamaMDUkavA jJAna ke

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pAThazAlA kA jJAnadAna [52 viSaya meM bhI thii.| maiM samajhatA thA ki saMskRta meM jo jJAna haiM vaha kahIM nahIM hai / saMskRta paDhane se jagata meM kucha par3hane ko nahIM raha jaataa| __yaha padya raTa rakkhA thA- ... ... ... ... ... . saMskRta bhASA hI isa jagameM saba kI mA~ kahalAtI haiN| isako bhalI bhA~ti par3hane se sarva vidyA A jAtI hai| aMgrejI kI niMdA karane ke liye kahatA thA jinane aMgrejI par3hI unakA nAma kauna jAnatA hai ? para saMskRtaM par3hanevAloM ko dekhoM, pANinIya kAtyAyana pataJjali aura hamAre paMDita jI kA nAma duniyA jAnatI hai| itanA to samajhatA thA ki duniyA bahuta bar3I hai para itanA nahIM jAnatA thA ki sArI duniyA: sAgara pAThazAlA ke sA~ce meM nahIM DhalI hai / sAgara pAThazAlA meM jisakA nAma hai usakA hI nAma duniyA meM hai aura jinakA yahA~ nahIM hai : unakA kahIM nahIM hai yaha kUpamaMDakatA bahuta dinoM taka rahI, yA taba taka rahI jaba taka sAgara pAThazAlA nahIM chor3a dii| - khaira, paMDitajI ne sarvArthasiddhi par3hAnA maMjUra kara liyA aura maiM sAgara pAThazAlA meM hI rahA / isa prakAra mujhe dharmazAstra kI bhUkha bujhAne kA avasara milaa| . . . .. ava to prAyaH sabhI jagaha kA zikSaNakrama badalA gayA hai para usa samaya zikSaNa krama aisA thA ki bahuta dinoM meM maiM bahuta kama par3ha paayaa| merI ruci bhI kucha aisI thI ki maiM adhyApakoM se ..bahuta kama lAbha uThA paayaa|

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54] Atma kathA - isake bAda mujhe jaina nyAya madhyamA kA korsa par3hAyA jAne lgaa| kalakattA yunivarsiTI ke saMskRta parIkSA borDa meM jaina nyAya bhI maMjUra ho gayA thA, aura usa samaya prathama parIkSA denA z2arUrI nahIM samajhA jAtA thaa| jaina nyAya kA zikSaNa vaDe :DitajI (paM. gaNezaprasAdajI) dete the aura ve kucha mahInoM ke liye banArasa jA rahe the isase hamArI parIkSA mArI jAne kA Dara thA / isaliye mujhe aura mere sahapAThI bhAI dayAcandajI ko ve vanArasa le gaye / hama . loga gaye to tIna mahIne ke liye the para paristhiti kucha aisI banI ki usake bAda sAgara pAThazAlA kA sambandha chUTa hI gayA / ... [10] taba ke kucha saMsmaraNa sAgara pAThazAlA meM rahate hue 'aneka taraha kI vizeSa ghaTanAe~ huI unameM se kucha to aisI thIM jinakA jIvana para bar3A prabhAva pdd'aa| kucha sirpha svabhAvapradarzaka hI thI / / __ . pujArI-sAgara pAThazAlA meM jAne ke pahile pUjA karane kA jitanA zauka thA, sAgara pAThazAlA meM jAne para utanA na rahA / isaliye vidyArthiyoM ke sAtha pUjA meM bahuta kama zAmila hotA thA / prAyaH svAdhyAya kiyA karatA thA / isake liye kucha aura kathAgraMtha r3ha liye the| lekina ekadina maiM kAkAgaMja ke mandira gayA, yaha mohallA * bastI ke bahuta. bAhara hai eka taraha se purAnI vastI ke samAna hai| marAThoM ke samaya meM : yaha acchA rahA hogaa| usa samaya yahA~ jainiyoM kI kAphI vastI hogI para aba to eka mandira raha gayA hai| aura usa samaya vahA~ sirpha eka vRddhA kA ghara thA / vaha vRddhA garIvaH

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saMsmaraNa: [55 thii| zahara ke anya mandiroM meM jaba pUjA karanevAloM ko jagaha nahIM milatI thI taba yahA~ pUjA karane koI nahIM AtA. thaa| vRddhA ne eka pujArI: rakkhA thA jise na to pUjA yAda thI, na vaha acchI taraha par3ha sakatA thA, na vidhi kA jJAna thaa| eka dina jaba maiM paryuSaNa meM yahA~..gayA to isa dayanIya dazApara mujhe dayA AgaI aura phira maiMne acchI taraha do ghaMTe pUjA kii| vRddhA ke Ananda kA pAra na rhaa| vaha bar3e prema se bolI-bhaiyA, jaba taka vrataM. ke dina (paryuSaNa) haiM taba taka to hara dina pUjA karA jAyA karo aura iketa [ekAzana] bhI hamAre yahA~ kiyA kro| . .. maiMne kahA-bau, (mA~) pUjA to hama hara dina karA jAyA kareMge lekina iketa pAThazAlA meM hI kreNge| ___ . basa, jaba taka maiM sAgara pAThazAlA meM rahA taba taka maiM vahIM pUjA karAne jAyA karatA thA / kAkAgaja ke maMdira kI pUjAe~ hI . aMtima pUjAe~ thIM, phira to pUjA se aruci ho gaI / eka lambe samaya ke bAda jaba satyAzrama meM bha. satya bha. ahiMsA kI mUrtiyA~ AIM tabhI maiMne rucise prArthanA kii| . . . . . . ... aparezana-bAlyAvasthA meM dAhinI A~kha ke Upara lalATa para eka gaTTA thA / mAMsapiMDa kaThora hokara haDDI aura camar3I ke bIcameM patthara kI golI kI taraha raha gayA thA, jo u~galI lagAne se idhara udhara ho jAyA karatA thaa| usakA darda bilakula nahIM thA para dekhane meM jarA burA. mAlUma hotA thaa| . .. . . mere pitAjI- tathA anya logoMne isa kA kAraNa DhUr3ha nikAlA thA, ki merI: A~kha para yaha gaTTA kyoM hai| unake matAnusAra maiM

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56) Atma kathA pahile janma meM.. mAsTara bhojarAja thA / mAsTara bhojarAja mere mAmA the jo ki mere paidA hone ke kucha samaya pahile mara cuke the| ve sarakArI skUla meM mAsTara the, akAla meM sarakAra kI tarapha se pIr3itoM ko anna bATane kA pravandha bhI unake jimme DAlA gayA thA isaliye ve AsapAsa meM choTe se netA bana gaye the| parantu anya bhAiyoM aura kuTumbiyoM ke kAraNa unheM RNa lenA par3A aura RNa cukAne ke pahile hI ve mara gaye / vahI RNa kI poTalI mere lalATapara jamakara baiThI thii| mere pitAjI Adi kA dRr3ha vizvAsa thA ki maiM pUrvajanma kA apanA mAmA hI huuN| isa kA kAraNa ve yaha batalAte the ki mere garbha meM Ane ke pahile mere mAmA bhojarAjane unheM aura merI mA~ ko yaha svapna diyA thA ki aba maiM tumhAre ghara meM AtA hUM / isa svapna ke bAda hI maiM garbha meM AyA / . dusarA kAraNa yaha thA ki maiM apanI eka mAmI ( bhojarAjajI kI vidhavA patnI) kI goda meM jAte hI zaramindA hokara A~kheM banda kara letA thA / mujhe to kucha mAlUma nahIM para pitAjI vagairaha isa kA yaha artha lagAte the ki merI vaha mAmI pahile janma kI patnI hai| mujhe pahile janma kI yAda AjAne se maiM use patnI samajhakara goda meM nahIM jaataa| ... mujhe kyA yAda AtA thA isa kI 'mujhe abhI taka yAda nahIM hai| para hA~ pitAjI kI bAteM sunakara maiM bahuta dina taka anubhava karatA rahA ki maiM pahile janma kA bhojarAja hUM 1. eka bAra mere

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[57 .: saMsmaraNa pitAjIne merI mAmI ko dikhalAyA to sacamuca maiM zaramindA ho gayA / kyoM ki pitAjI Adi kI bAteM suna rakkhI thiiN| isase bhI __ saba logoM kA dRr3ha vizvAsa ho gayA ki maiM sacamuca bhojarAja huuN| ... saubhAgya yA durbhAgya se usa samaya samAcAroM patroM kA itanA phailAva nahIM huA thA aura mere pitAjI Adi bhI azikSita the, nahIM to thor3IsI hI koziza se usa zaizava meM hI punarjanma kI kahAnI nikalavAI jAsakatI thI / aura merI AtmakathA usa zaizava meM hI samAcAra patroM meM raMga gaI hotI, mere citra bhI ghara ghara meM pahu~ca gaye hote, aura mere pitAjI ko bhI kAphI khyAti milI hotii| khaira, maiM bhale hI isa saubhAgyase vaJcita rahA hoU~ para isase mAnavajAti ke saubhAgya ko jarA bhI dhakkA nahIM lgaa| - hAM, bAta to lalATa para ke gaTTe kI kara rahA thaa| yaha gaTTA burA lagatA thA / eka dina naM jAne kisa kAmase maiM sAgara kI bar3I aspatAla calA gayA , vahA~ sivilasarjana A~khake aparezana kara rahA thaa| mujhe bar3A kutUhala huaa| maiMne sivila sarjana se kahAmere isa gaTTe kA aparezana kara sakate ho ? sivilasarjana kucha musakarAyA / eka bAlaka ke bholepanaM se use kucha AzcaryasA huaa| vaha eka praur3ha aMgreja thA, aMgreja hone para bhI vaha acchI hindI meM bolA- kara sakate haiM / maiMne kahA-kaba karoge / bolA-kala kareMge / maiM dUsare dina eka vidyArthI ko sAtha lekara calA gyaa| pitAjI * ko khabara hI nahIM dii| para dUsare dina bhI sivilasarjana ko phurasata nahIM milI / usane phira dUsare dina Ane ko kahAmaiM . phira dUsare dina gayA / usane aparezana karanA maMjUra kiyA

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Atma kathA aura mujhe behoza karane ko klorAphArma suMghAyA | usa kI gaMdha mujhe itanI apriya mAlUma huI ki usa kI yAda se mujhe sadA bhaya lagatA thaa| : : klorophArma mUMghate samaya maiMne isa bAta kI bahuta koziza kI ki meM behoza nahIM hoUMgA para mAnoM icchA ke viruddha ananta meM yA zUnya meM vilIna ho gayA / aparezana ko sirpha cAra miniTa lage para meM usake pahile hI hoza meM A gayA / usa samaya pAtra meM TAMke lagAye jA rahe the| maiMne socA agara maiM hilUMgA to phira ye klorophArma suMghA deMge isaliye cupacApa bedanA sahatA rahA / isake bAda DAkTaroM ne kahA-Aja aspatAla meM hI raha jAo, para maiM to daur3atA huA pAThazAlA meM AyA / . yaha daur3anA kucha bhArI huaa| rAta meM ghAva itanA bhara gayA ki merI A~kha Dhaka- gaI aura vehisAva vedanA huii| rAta meM pitAjI bhI A gaye / dUsare dina TAMke khola dene para vedanA kama huI aura dhIre dhIre ghAtra ArAma hogyaa| isa prakAra pUrva janma ke RNa kI poTalI se piMDa chUTA ! isake liye mujhe sirpha 1 // ) kharca pdd'aa| vaha bhI ArAma ho jAne para eka DAkTara aura kampAunDara ko inAma ke rUpa meN| ... kavitva-maiM apane ko kavi nahIM mAnatA / para padyakAra ko kavi kahane kA rivAja hai isIliye isa zabda kA yahAM prayoga kiyA gayA hai| mere isa kavitva kI utpatti yA abhivyakti kA kAraNa .eka manoraMjaka ghaTanA hai| . jaba maiM sAgara pAThazAlA meM par3hatA thA. taba eka dina eka vidyArthI se.. jhagar3A ho gayA aura usane mujhe dhakkA mAra diyA / vaha zArIrika bala meM adhika thA isaliye maiM cupa rahA / para isa apamAna

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.... . .. saMsparaNa kA vedalA kisI dUsare upAya se avazya lenA cAhiye isI cinto .. meM ghulane lgaa| anta meM maiMne usakI nindA meM kucha dohe bnaaye| dohe kyA the gAliyoM kI tukAvandI thii| dohe ho gaye paccIsa; aura nAma rakkhA gayA duSTapaccIsI / basa maiM eka eka vidyArthI ko ekAnta . meM le jAtA aura usa duSTapaccIsI sunAtA / vidyArthI bahuta khuza hote / isaliye nahIM ki maiM kavi bana gayA thA kintu isaliye ki nindA ke liye unheM khurAka milI thI / nindakatA manuSya ke svabhAva meM zAmila ho gaI hai. / nindA se. manuSya ko kucha milatA to hai nahIM, phira bhI manuSya paranindA se khuza hotA hai, mitra kahalAne vAloM kI niMdA se bhI bahuta khuza hotA hai isakA kAraNa sirpha yahI kahA jA sakatA hai ki paranindA se manuSya * ko kalpita santoSa milatA hai, usake ahaMkAra ko khurAka milatI hai / vaha soca letA, hai ki degge merA sAthI isa prakAra dUsaroM se niMdanIya hai jaba ki maiM nahIM hUM isa prakAra meM mahAna hai / khairaM, duSTapaccIsI sunakara lar3ake khuza hote; jisake liye maiMne duSTapaccIsI banAI thI use cir3hAte aura mere mana meM santoSa hotA ki acchI taraha badalA liyA jA rahA hai| cAra chaH dina bAda usane mere pAkiTa meM. seM duSTapaccIsI nikAla kara usakI nakala karake eka adhyApaka ko dedI, para isaM. bAta kA mujhe patA na lagA kyoMki merI DAyarI . jahAM kI tahA~. rakkhI thI / usa adhyApaka ne mujhase isa duSTatA kA kAraNa puuchaa| pahile to maiM sahamA, para ve adhyApaka naye the, umra bhI kama thI, unakA saMkoca maiM kama karatA thA isaliye dRr3hatA se uttara diyAApa hI batAiye maiM kyA karatA ? inane mujhe niraparAdha dhakkA mArA,

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62 ] Atma kathA * isaliye damoha ke logoM kI dRSTi meM to maiM paMDita ho gayA thA, jaba ki usa samaya taka maiM dharmazAstra meM sirpha ratnakaraNDa zrAvakAcAra ke bAraha zloka par3hA thA / logoMne mujhe vyAkhyAna ke liye khar3A kara diyA / para Aja taka kabhI vyAkhyAna ke liye na to khar3A huA thA aura na itanA kucha par3hA thA ki vyAkhyAna de sakatA / khar3e ho kara aura to kucha na canA ratnakaraNDa zrAvakAcAra ke zloka artha sahita sunAne lagA / jaba bAraha zloka pUre ho gaye to merI gAr3I ruka gaI / upasaMhAra karanA to dUra, itanA bhI kahate na banA ki jo kucha mujhe kahanA thA kaha cukA aba baiThatA huuN| basa, yoM hI khar3A kA khar3A raha gayA / jaba kisI ne kahA baiTha jAo to baiTha gayA / usa samaya itanI zarma mAlUma huI ki usa kA asara kaI mahIne taka dila para rhaa| aura yaha socatA rahA ki koI maukA mile to vyAkhyAna denA sIkhUM / : : jaba sAgara pAThazAlA meM chAtrahitakAriNI sabhA kI sthApanA huI to maiM maMtrI banA aura usameM prati saptAha kucha na kucha bolanA zuru kiyA / maMtrI thA isaliye riporTa meM saba ke vyAkhyAnoM kA sAra likhatA thaa| isa prakAra vaktRtva aura lekhana donoM ko uttejana milA / 1 sabhA kI tarafa anya vidyArthiyoM kI ruci thor3e dina to rahI, bAda meM miTa gii| sabhA meM vidyArthI pA~ca sAta hI Ate the para maiM to do vidyArthiyoM taka meM vyAkhyAna detA thaa| lekina yaha acchA na mAlUma huA isaliye paM. gaNezaprasAdajI se zikAyata kara dI / unane vidyA"rthiyoM ko khUba DA~TA / aura jaba bAdameM vidyArthI mujha para bigar3e ki tumane paMDitajI se zikAyata kyoM kara dI ! taba maiMne sApha kahA - } --

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saMsmaraNa [.63. .. mujhe vyAkhyAna denA sIkhanA hai, Apa loga vyAkhyAna deM to acchI bAta hai, vyAkhyAna denA AjAyagA, nahIM to itanI dera taka avazya baiThe jaba taka merA vyAkhyAna na ho jAya / yadi aisA na kareMge to maiM paMDitajI se zikAyata kara duuNgaa.| . __ . . sabhA ke liye sabhApati koI na milatA thA. riporTa se sabhA kA prArambha hotA aura mere vyAkhyAna se usakI samApti / isa prakAra bolane kA abhyAsa bddh'aayaa| aura likhanA bhI vyAkhyAnoM kI riporTa likhane se sIkha gayA / ... vyAkhyAna sabhA kA mere liye eka upayoga. aura bhI thaa| jaba koI vidyArthI mujha se lar3atA yA - merI bAta na mAnatA to binA nAma liye hI una bAtoM kA upayoga vyAkhyAna meM krtaa| virodhI vidyArthI ko Ar3I Ter3I vAtoM se siddhAnta aura nIti kI duhAI ke rUpameM khUba phaTakAratA / lar3ate samaya to koI do ke badale cAra sunAde para vyAkhyAna meM kyA kare ? vyAkhyAna denA hara eka ko AtA. nahIM thA aura vyAkhyAna ke viSaya meM vaha lar3a bhI nahIM sakatA thaa| pIche koI kucha kahatA to merA uttara yaha hotA ki vaha merA vyAkhyAna thaa| vyAkhyAna ke viSaya meM lar3AI kaisI / isa . prakAra pichale dinoM vidyArthI maMDala meM merI kAfI dhAka rhii| saba loga mujhase Darate the ki na mAlUma yaha vyAkhyAna meM kisa ko kaise le baitthe| isase mujhe apanI mahattA kA thor3A thor3A bhAna hone lagA / manuSya meM jaba taka pazutA hai taba taka baha bhayaMkaratA ko hI mahattA kA mukhya rUpa samajhatA hai|

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64) Atma kathA .: caukA paMtha--sAgara pAThazAlA meM cauke kA vicAra to rakkhA jAtA thA joki thor3A bahuta samajha meM AtA thA para vahAM jo brAhmaNaM adhyApaka the unakA caukAMpaMtha bilakulaM samajha meM nahIM AtA thA / hamAre naiyAyika jI maithuladeza nivAsI the| vahAM brAhmaNaM loga mAMsa machalI kA zAka, keMcue jhiMgura Adi barasAtI kIr3oM kA acAra taka khAte haiN| hamAre naiyAyikajI ne jalacaroM ke vanaspati sUcaka nAma : rakha chor3e the| jaise machalI ko ve jalasema kahate the, isI prakAra jalatoraI jalakakar3I Adi bahuta se nAma the| aise sarvabhakSI paMDitajI cauke kA bar3A vicAra karate the| mujhe kabhI kabhI unake cauke meM lakar3I le jAnA par3atI thI / eka dina. lakar3I le jAte samaya merA paira cauke kI kinArake kucha bhItara par3a gyaa| usa samaya unakI rasoI bana rahI thI para merA paira par3ane se saba rasoI azuddha ho gii| mujhe kAphI gAliyA~ khAnA pdd'ii| mujhe ina saba bAtoM ke raMja kI apekSA isa bAta ko Azcaya hI adhika thA ki peTa meM to murdA mAMsa taka calA jAtA hai. usase mu~ha aura peTa azuddha nahIM hotA aura cauke meM merA paira par3a jAne se saba azuddha ho gyaa| itane bar3e naiyAyikajI itanA nyAya kyoM nahIM smjhte| - 'caukApaMtha meM zuddhi azuddhi se koI matalaba nahIM thaa| eka taraha kA jAtimada; aura amuka aMza meM vyaktitvamada hI isake mUla meM thA aura rahatA hai| vyaktitvamaMda kI bhI eka bAta yAda AtI hai| ekabAra pravAsa meM, jaba 'ki sAgarapAThazAlA ke vidyArthI aura karmacArI barakhAsAgara se bailaMgAr3iyoM meM lauTa rahe the, rAstemeM eka jagaha roTI bnii| usa samaya eka vidyArthI ke hAtha se jUMThI' thAlI

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saMsmaraNa meM se kucha chIMTe dAlale vartana para gira gaye / dAla to DhakI huI thI isaliye usa meM koI chA~TA na par3A phira bhI vaha dAla kisIne n:khaaii| kAryakartAoM ne koziza kI ki vidyArthI yaha dAla khAleM, isake liye unane vyAkhyAna bhI diyA ki bartana ke Upara choTe par3ane se koI doSa nahIM hai, dona te| vahAM hai.. jahAM do AdamiyoM kI lAra __ mila jAya / para yaha tatvajJAna hama logoM ko isaliye na jacA ki . kAryakartAoM ne sirpha apane liye alaga dAla banavAI thii| ve choTevAlI , dAla khuda na khA sake / yahAM zuddhi azuddhi ke mUla meM vyaktitvamada thA / svAsthya aura saphAI ke liye bane hue ye niyama jAtimada aura vyaktitvamada ke zastra banakara 'Aja mAnava-mAnava ke bIca meM khAI bane hue haiM / prema hone para bhI the. Avazyaka sahayoga se vaMcita rakhate haiM aura jahA~ krodha abhimAna Adi kA kAraNa nahIM hai vahA~ . manupya ko krodhI ahaMkArI Adi banA dete haiM / azikSitoM ko kisI taraha isa pApa ke liye kSamA kiyA jA sakatA hai para zikSitoM aura zikSaNa saMsthAoM meM yaha pApa ho to kSamA nahIM kiyA jA sktaa| - ye sAgara pAThazAlA ke kucha saMsmaraNa haiM / usa samaya pAThazAlA kA rUpa vikasita nahIM thA isaliye truTiyA~ honA svAbhAvika hai para sAgara pAThazAlA ke upakAra mere Upara bahuta adhika haiN| mere 'jIvana kI pahilI dhArA badala dene kA zreya use hI hai| . (11) vivAha. : . maiM una abhAgiyoM meM se hUM jo bAla vivAha kI kuprathA ke zikAra kahe jA sakate haiM. 1. yadyapi usakA zikAra hokara bhI maiM isa

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66. Atma kathA jIvana meM satyadarzana kara sakA, para isase merI zArIrika hAni kaisI huI, cAra pAMcavarSa taka mujhe kaisI ghora mAnasika vedanA sahanA .par3I, kisa prakAra garIvI kI jvAlAoM ko IMdhana milA, kisa prakAra zikSaNa naSTa hote hote bAla bAla bacA, ina saba bAtoM kI jaba yAda AtI hai taba Aja paccIsa varSa bAda bhI sihara uThatA hU~ . aura turanta hI usa mahAzAkta ko dhanyavAda detA hU~ jisakI kRpA se una vipatti aura vinoM se bacakara Aja kI hAlata meM A sakA huuN| buA ke dehAnta ke bAda pitAjI alaga rahane hI lage the / maiM sAgara pAThazAlA meM par3hatA thaa| isa bIca pitAjI lambe samaya ke liye bImAra paDe, usa samaya ve socane lage ki agara maiM mara jAU~ to merI lar3akA vilakula anAtha ho jAyagA / usakA pAlanapoSaNa kauna karegA ? kauna usakI madada karegA, dhanahIna aura kuMTumba- hIna lar3ake kI zAdI bhI kauna karegA ? zAyada janma bhara ku~vArA hI raha jAya isaliye bImArI se uThate hI maiM apane lar3ake * kI zAdI kara dUMgA / unakI isa hitaiSitA kA phala yaha duA ki mujhe vAla-vivAha kI vedI para car3hanA pdd'aa| abhI kucha samaya pahile iMglaiMDa meM eka ghaTanA huI thI ki eka * vRddhAne apane bahuta bImAra hone para yaha vicAra kiyA ki isa asamartha bacce kA pAlana kauna karegA yaha to asahAya banakara durdazAgrasta hokara mara jAyagA / bacce kI usa durdazA ke citra se vRddhA rone lagI aura aMta meM usane karuNAMvaza yA mohavaza bacce ko

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vivAha [67 gesa kI nalI se ArAma se mAra DAlA aura khuda marane kI pratIkSA karane lgii| para vaha marI nahIM, kucha dina bAda acchI ho gii| mukaddamA calane para korTa ne to use phAMsI kI sajA sunAI paranta korTa kI sifAriza se hI samrATa ne use mAfa kara diyA / sacamuca vRddhA kA aparAdha mAfa kara dene lAyaka thA kyoMki jo kucha usane kiyA thA premavaza kiyA thaa| yaha usa bacce kA durbhAgya aura vRddhA kI mUrkhatA samajhanA cAhiye ki vaha mAtA ke vAtsalya kA zikAra ho gyaa| isI prakAra pitAjI ne isa bhrama ke kAraNa ki unake akasmAt sva"vAsI hone para merI bahuta. durdazA hogI mujhe bAlavivAha kI vedI para car3hAne kA nizcaya kara liyA / :. mere eka dUra ke riztedAra the jina * ke eka mAtra putra kA dehAnta ho cukA thA eka putrI raha gaI thI jisa. kA vivAha ve mere sAtha , kara denA cAhate the / vIsa paccIsa tole ke sone ke AbhUSaNa bhI ve mere yahAM rakha gaye the| para mere pitAjI ko unase kAphI ghRNA thii| kyoMki ve kisAnoM se pratimAsa eka AnA rupayA vyAja lete the. aura kabhI kabhI hisAba meM gar3abar3I karake unheM aura Thagate the / isaliye pitAjI kahA karate the ki inakA dhana beImAnI kA hai isaliye inakI lar3akI se..apane lar3ake kI zAdI na kruuNgaa| eka dina pitAjI ne ukta zrImAn ke saba AbhUSaNa vApisa kara diye / isa prakAra yaha sambandha TUTa gyaa| . pitAjI bhAvuka.. the parantu . unakI bhAvukatA ne . hI itanA tyAgaM karane ko vivaza kiyA. thA vaha vAta nahIM mAlUma hotii|

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68 ] Atma-kathA niHsandeha hama loga garIba the aura usa vivAha se paccIsa pacAma haz2Ara rupaye kI sampatti ke mAlika ho jaate| itanI bar3I sampatti kAM pralobhana jItanA kucha sarala nahIM thA para eka bAta aura thI ki jisa se pitAjI isa pralobhana ko jIta sake / ukta zrImAn mujhe ghara jamAI banAnA cAhate the / isakA yaha pariNAma hotA ki pitAjI kI usa ghara meM ijjata na rahatI / putravadhU apane mAM bApa ke ghara meM apanI paitRka sampatti para rahe to pati kI bhI ijz2ata nahIM karatI phira sasura kI to bAta hI kyA hai ? pitAjI ne yaha socakara ki itanI jAyadAda milakara bhI anta meM to mujhe apamAna tiraskAra Adi hI milegA dhana ke pIche lar3akA hAtha se calA jAyagA, vaha sambandha na kiyA / khaira, unane apane liye kucha bhI socA ho para merA to usase kalyANaM hI huA / agara vaha sambandhaM ho jAtA to mujhe par3hanA chor3akara mAsika eka AnA rupayA kI sAhukArI sa~bhAlane meM laga jAnA par3atA / satyezvara ke darzana kara sakane vAle eka garIba satyabhakta ke sthAna meM muphta kA mAla pAkara gulacharre ur3Ane vAlA eka avibekI yuvaka dikhAI detA / vaha sambandha tor3a dene para pitAjI ne dUsarA sambandha karane kA nizcaya kiyA aura vaha sambandha zAhapura ( sAgara sI. pI. ) ke zrI ganakUlAlajI kI putrI ke sAtha taya huA / zrIganakUlAlajI ke ghara meM isa viSaya meM kAfI matabheda thA / merI sAsU kA kahanA thA ki yaha sambandha aMcchA nahIM hai ghara meM dhana nahIM; koI kuTumbI .

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vivAha .. [.69 nahIM; rahane ke liye ghara taka nahIM,. lar3akI ko isase mahAn kaSTa hogA / puruSavarga kA kahanA thA ki lar3akA: acchA hai par3hatA hai Aja nahIM.. to kala. kamA khAyagA / yaha bhI eka Apatti thI ki zAhapura. . ke vivAha kA kharca mere pitA na saMbhAla pAyeMge |. parantu pitAjI isa sambandha para tule hue the / zAhapura: merI janmabhUmi, pitAjI kA ghara, paricaya aura riztedArI kA pUrA sukha thaa| isaliye yaha sambandha taya huA aura mujhe sagAI kI sUcanA bhejI gaI / sUcanA milate hI maiM tar3apa uThA / mujhe isa bAta kA kheda huA ki merI paDhAI chUTa jAyagI / isaliye pitAjI ko maiMne eka patra likhA usameM unheM khuva phaTakArA thA, ugra se una zabdoM meM likhA thA ki mere jIvana kA ve kaise satyAnAza kara rahe haiM eka prakAra se merI. hatyA kara rahe haiN| yaha patra maiMne apane eka sAthI ko batAyA usane merA sArA joza ThaMDA kara diyA / joza meM kucha dama to thA hI nahIM, usane patra paDhakara nAka sikor3I aura maiMne patra phAr3a kara pheMka diyA aura nizcita dina ghara jA phuNcaa| yaha maiMne soca liyA thA ki aba pAThazAlA meM: mujhe jagaha na milegI / pAThazAlA ke kisI vidyArthI kA vivAha nahIM huA thA / isaliye samajha liyA thA ki pAThazAlA meM vivAhita ko jagaha nahIM hai| parantu jaba maiM ghara calane lagA taba paM. gaNeza-prasAdajI ne kahA-aba ghara hI mata raha jAnA jaldI cale AnA / unakA yaha Adeza sunakara maiM cakita huA aura apane UparaH yaha. vizeSa kRpA smjhii| unane to. yaha. anurodha sAdhAraNa DhaMga se hI kiyA thA

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70 ]. Atma kathA para isa choTIsI bAta ne mujhe mAnoM jIvana de diyA / hamAre jIvana meM choTI choTI na jAne kitanI ghaTanAe~ hotI rahatI haiM ki unake hone na hone se hamAre jIvana meM svarga naraka kA antara par3a jAtA hai / choTA bhI kitanA mahAna haiaura mahAna bhI kitanA kSudra hai, isakA acchA se acchA namUnA hamArA jIvana hai / vivAhavidhi RhI purAne DhaMga se huI / sAgara damoha ke digambara jainiyoM meM vivAha vidhi ke liye brAhmaNa kI, saMskRta maMtroM kI yA zAstroM kI z2arUrata nahIM hotI / vivAha kA AcAryaca kisI qhAsa strI yA puruSa ko nahIM kintu vRddha strI puruSoM, vAsa kara striyoM ko milatA hai / kA smaraNa ava andha-- anukaraNa mAlUma nahIM hai / vivAha meM kitane rIti rivAz2a the una saba nahIM hai / niHsandeha ve kisI Avazyaka ghaTanA ke hoMge / una meM se adhikAMza kA mUla kisI ko para ve paramparA se cale Ate haiM / kucha rIti rivAz2a vara kI hozyArI aura zikSaNa kI parIkSA ke liye the, kucha vara--pakSa ke atyAcArIpana ke smAraka ke rUpa meM the, kucha varaM pakSa ko kucha bheMTa dene ke DhaMga ke rUpa meM banAye gaye the / eka jala pAtra meM supArI DAlI jAtI thI aura vara kanyA usa supArI ko nikAlate the jo pahile nikAla le vahI hozyAra samajhA jAtA thA / yaha caJcalatA kI parIkSA ke liye thA / eka thAlI meM ATA DAlakara 'onAmAsI siddhebhyaH kA bhraSTa rUpa ] likhAyA jAtA thA / ' oM namaH [ thAlI meM ATA

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vivAha [71 DAlakara likhAne kA kAraNa yaha thA ki purAne jamAne meM sleTa peMsila kA AviSkAra nahIM huA thaa| yaha likhAMnA lekhanakalA ke parIkSaNa ke liye thA / lar3akI se usI thAlI meM ghar3A vagairaha banavAyA jAtA thA isa prakAra lar3akI kI parIkSA citrakalA Adi meM lI jAtI thii| kisI jamAne meM ina parIkSAoM kA upayoga rahA hogA para Aja to bilakula nirarthaka aura hAsyAspada haiN| . . . . eka rivAz2a yaha thA ki bArAta kI vidAI ke samaya. vara zvasura gRha ke cauke meM jUtA pahine jAyA karatA thA aura rasoI ke cUlhe ko jute se ThukarAtA thA, kucha dUlhe itane jora se lAta mArata the ki cUlhA phUTa jAtA thA aura dUsare dina kanyApakSa ke logoM ko roTI banAne taka kI takalIfa hone lagatI thii| mujhe bhI cUlhe meM lAta mArane ke liye le jAyA gayA / merI sAsUne kahA ki calhe ko lAta mAra do| cauke meM jUtA pahina kara Ane meM hI meM bahuta saMkucita ho rahA thA phira jaba calhe meM jatA mArane kI bAta kahI taba to bahuta hI lajjita ho gayA / socAjisa calhe para sAsa sasura ke liye rasoI banatI hai kala jahA~ mujhe . bhI bhojana karane ke liye AnA par3egA usako jUte se ThukarAnA kahA~ kI manuSyatA hai ? mujhe kucha vicAra meM par3A dekhakara sAsUjI ne phira kahA--kyA socate ho lAlA, cUlhA phor3a mata denA / idhara maiM cauka meM jatA pahina ke Ane ke saMkoca se hI galA jA rahA thA calhA phor3ane kI bAta to dUra rahI / maiMne kahA-mujha meM yaha na hogA, maiM cUlhe meM lAta nahIM mAra sktaa| para sAsUjI ne kahAaisA nahIM ho sakatA tuma dhIre se. lAta mAra do, nahIM to kala

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72 ] Atma kathA isa para roTI na bana skegii| maiMne bahuta dhIre se udhara paira bar3hAyA aura nikala kara bhAgA jaise khUnI khUna karake bhAgatA hai / usa samaya isa rivAz2a kA kAraNa samajhameM nahIM AyA thA, ava kucha kalpanA karatA hU~ ki isa rivAz2a kA bIja usa z2amAne meM hai jaba vivAha ke bhedoM meM rAkSasa vivAha bhI ginA jAtA thA / varapakSavAle kanyApakSavAloM ko mAra pITakara pairoM kI Thokara se unheM aura unake cUlhe ko phor3akara kanyA haraNa karake le jAte the / vivAha kA artha thA kanyA ke liye kisI kanyAvAle ke ghara DAkA DAlanA / usI varvaratA kA bhagnAvazeSa yaha vividha haiM / .: paravAroM meM yaha rivAz2a kaise AyA kucha samajha meM nahIM AtA / zAyada ina rivAjoM ke AdhAra para kucha khoja kI jAya to paravAroM ke itihAsa - para kucha prakAza par3e | bahuta se rivAz2a Arthika the / zakkara ke thAla bharanA Adi rivAz2oM kA matalaba yahI mAlUma hotA hai ki donoM pakSoM se agara kisI pakSa ke pAsa koI cIz2a kI kamI ho to isa AdAnapradAna ke dvArA vaha pUrI ho jAya aura kisI ko patA bhI na lage / mUla acchA hai para aba usa dhyeya kI tarapha kisI kA dhyAna nahIM hai / artha-mUlka rItirivAz2oM meM adhikAMza rivAz2a daheja ke aMga the / yadyapi maiM usa samaya kucha vizeSa paDhAlikhA nahIM thA phira bhI daheja kI anyAyatA merI samajhameM A cukI thI / daheja ke viSaya meM yaha qhayAla to thA hI ki yaha kanyA pakSa ke Upara anyAya hai parantu isase bhI adhika yaha qhayAla thA ki daheja lenA

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vivAha [73 eka taraha kA bhikhamaMgApana hai, kanyA ke pitA se kucha mA~ganA bhIkha mA~ganA hai / marda vaha hai jo muphta meM kisIse eka paisA bhI nahIM letA na kisI se mA~gatA hai / strI ke dhana se dhanavAna bananA yA apanI guz2ara karanA apane puruSatva ko lajAnA hai / .. mere ina vicAroM meM eka taraha kA viveka to thA, parantu isase bhI jyAdA thA ghamaMDa / isI ghamaMDa ke kAraNa maiMne nizcaya kiyA thA * ki vivAha meM sasurAlavAloM se maiM kucha bhI nahIM mA~gUgA / Arthika garIbI ke kAraNa, purAne saMskAroM ke kAraNa, Arthika mAmaloM meM adhikArI na hone ke kAraNa aura kucha lobhI hone ke kAraNa, maiM yaha nirNaya to nahIM kara sakA ki sasurAlaMbAloM se eka bhI paisA na la~gA, ve khuzI se deMge to bhI na lUMgA, parantu itanA nirNaya kara sakA ki unheM paise ke liye taMga na karUMgA, apanI tarapha se koI mA~ga peza na karUMgA, jo deMge usI meM santuSTa ho jaauuNgaa| jaba palakAcAra huA taba maiMne kisI ko bhI na pakar3A / palakAcAra meM cara kanyA palaMga para eka dUsare ke sAmane mu~ha karake baiThAye jAte haiN| kanyApakSavAle eka eka karake Akara donoM ke paira chate haiM aura kucha bheMTa dete haiM, isI samaya vara unako. pakar3a letA hai| vaha unheM bar3I dera taka pakar3a rakhatA hai aura ve loga dhIre dhIre kucha adhika dakSiNA dete jAte haiM aura chUTate jAte haiM / vara pakSavAle pAsa baiThe baiThe vara ko sikhAne jAte haiM ki isase itanA lenA, abhI mata chor3anA Adi / isa prakAra 15 miniTa kA kAma cAra cAra pA~ca pA~ca ghaMToM meM pUrA hotA hai / .. para maiMne kisI ko bhI pakar3ane se sApha inakAra kara diyaa|

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74 ] Atma-kathA bArAtiyoM meM mujhe bahuta sikhAyA para maiMne kaha diyA ki jisako jo kucha denA ho de, na denA ho na de, maiM kisI ko pakaDUMgA nhiiN| maiM kyA bhikhamaMgA. hU~ jo kisI se bhIkha mA~gUMgA yA DAkUhUM jo kisI ko saMtAU~gA / vArAniyoM ne kahA-darabArI bahuta murkha hai, maiM cupa rahAM para mana hI mana kahA aisI mUrkhatA para maiM bar3I se bar3I paMDitAI nyauchAvara kara sakatA huuN| . parantu palakAcAra meM kisI ko pakar3A nahIM isase merA kucha nukasAna nahIM huA / mere sasura sAhiba ne bhItara jAkara saba striyoM se kaha diyA ki jisako jo kucha denA ho pahile dedenA lar3akA kisI ko pakar3atA nahIM hai / isaliye jo kucha milanA thA karIva / karIva vaha mila hI gayA / anyathA rivAz2a aisA hai ki jise pAMca rupayA denA hai vaha eka rupayA se zuruAta karatA hai aura dhIre 'dhAre, cAra pAMca taka pahuMcatA hai| - . isI prakAra jaba vArAta ko bhojana kA nimantraNa milA aura dalhA. ko lekara saba loga bhojana ko vaiThe taba thAlI parosI jAne para saba loga to bhojana karane lage para mujhase kaha diyA ki tuma bhojana mata karanA, sau rupaye kI acchI bhaiMsa lekara bhojana karanA / jabaki sasurAla vAle kaha rahe the ki Apa bhojana karo jo kucha denA hai vaha hama jarUra de deNge| isa samayaM yAda nahIM A rahA hai ki unane kyA diyA kyA nahIM diyA, para maiM rupaye ke liye rukA nahIM, maiMne dhIre se kintu iMTatA ke sAtha jo kucha kahA usakA sAra yaha hai ki maiM mur3acir3A

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vivAha [ 75 bhikhArI nahIM hU~ ki paise ke liye ar3a jAUMgA, denA ho denA, na denA ho na denA, maiM to bhojana karatA hUM / dahez2a kI kuprathA se kyA kyA hAniyAM hotI haiM isa bAta kA gambhIra vicAra karane lAyaka yogyatA tava nahIM thI / usa samaya to yahI vicAra thA ki yAcanA karake kisI se kucha kyoM lUM ? aura kanyA ke pitA ko isaliye taMga kyoM karUM ki usane dUsare kA kuTumba basAne ke liye eka bAlA kA pAlana-poSaNa kiyA haiN| isa prakAra thoDIsI samajhadArI aura karane se mujhe vimukha rakhatA thA / bahutasA ghamaMDa yAcanA . daheja ke viSaya meM Aja bhI mere ve vicAra haiM / jise maiMne ghamaMDa kahA hai usa DhaMga kA Atmagaurava pratyeka yuvaka meM honA cAhiye * aura kanyA paidA karane kA daMDa kisI ko na denA cAhiye / baMgAla mahArASTra aura yU. pI. kI aneka jAtiyoM meM huMDA Adi ke nAma se jo ThaharAvanI kI kuprathA hai vaha to atyaMta nRzaMsatApUrNa hai hI, sAtha hI sAdhAraNa yAcanA kI kuprathA bhI anyAya hai / yaha bImArI zikSitoM meM bhI phailatI jA rahI hai aura zikSaNa kA adhikAMza upayoga zatAniyata ko sabhyatA kA dveSa pahinAne meM ho rahA haiM, isa liye dalIla kI jAtI hai ki kanyA kA kyA paitRka sampatti para kucha bhI haka nahIM hai ? vahI haka vivAha ke samaya liyA jAtA hai / ' agara yaha haka jyoM kA tyoM mAna liyA jAya to bhI isase huMDA yA daheja kI pApatA kama nahIM hotIM / paitRka haka to mAtA ! 1 *

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76] Atma kathA pitA ke marane ke bAda sampatti ke eka bhAga ke rUpa meM hI mila sakatA hai / dUlhA rAjA ko bar3hiyAM se bar3hiyAM moTara cAhiye, sAikila cAhiye, ghar3I cAhiye, vilAyata jAne kA kharca cAhiye, samadhI mahArAja ko itana hajAra kI thailI cAhiye yaha saba kanyA kA dAyabhAga nahIM hai / kanyA kA dAyabhAga vahI ho sakatA hai jo use strIdhana ke rUpa meM mile, jisa para pati kA aura usake kuTu. mbiyoM kA koI adhikAra na ho / use kanyA kA pitA apanI sampatti ke anusAra prasannatA se arpita kare / vivAha ke samaya yA usase pahile to denalena ke viSaya meM koI bAta mI na honA cAhiye / .. paitRka sampatti meM se hissA pAne ke adhikArI ve hI ho sakate haiM jo mAtApitA ke bur3hApe meM unake pAlana poSaNa ke liye jimmedAra hoM, lar3akI aura jamAI yaha jimmedArI apane Upara nahIM lete isaliye unheM hissA nahIM mila sktaa| yaha niyama vahA~ avazya khaTakatA hai jahA~ kisI zrImanta kuTumba kI lar3akI kisI garIva kuTumba meM vyAhI jAtI hai aura garIva bana jAtI hai / usakA bhAI puruSa hone ke kAraNa lakhapati 'vanatA hai aura vaha nArI hone ke kAraNa dIna bana jAtI hai kintu eka garIba lar3akI bhAI kI paMnI banakara rAnI bana jAtI hai| "niHsandeha isa meM eka nArI ko suvidhA aura eka ko asuvidhA huI hai isaliye ToTala barAbara rahA hai parantu samAja--vyavasthA meM sirpha ToTala kA vicAra nahIM kiyA jAnA cAhiye usa meM pratyeka vyaktiko 'unnati aura bhalAI kA vicAra honA caahiye| avanata ko unnata banAne

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vivAha [77 kI bAta ThIka hai para unnata ko avanata banAne kI bAta ThIka nhiiN| isaliye kAnUna aisA bananA cAhiye ki aisI ghaTanAoM para aMkuza pdd'e| - garIba aura madhyama zreNI ke kuTumboM ke sAmane to yaha samasyA hI nahIM hai zrImanta kuTumboM ke sAmane hI isa bAta kA vicAra hai / parantu kAnUna to saba ko eka sarIkhA honA cAhiye / isaliye yaha niyama ThIka hogA ki kanyA ke bhAiyoM kI saMkhyA ke anusAra pratyeka bhAI para kucha sampatti nizcita kI jAya, usa sampatti se adhika sampatti ho to kanyA ko bhAiyoM se AdhA hissA mile / mAnalo yaha niyama banAyA gayA ki pratyeka bhAI aura mAtA-pitA ke liye 2000) rupaye taka kI sampatti avibhAjya hai bAda meM jo sampatti baceM usa meM se kanyA ko bhAI se AdhA hissA mile / mAnalo eka kuTumba meM bIsa haz2Ara kI sampatti hai, tIna bhAI haiM, do bahine haiM Ara mAtA-pitA hai, aba tIna bhAI aura mAtA-pitA, isa prakAra * pAMca ke hisse kI dasa hajAra kI sampatti to avibhAjya rahI / bAkI jo dasa hajAra bace una meM se pratyeka bhAI ko DhAI hajAra aura pratyeka bahina ko savA hajAra ke hisAba se hissA milA / sampatti agara dasa hajAra se adhika na ho to kanyAko dAyabhAga ke nAma para kucha na milegA / isa prakAra garIba aura madhyama paristhiti ke kuTumba sampatti ke hissAvA~Ta se aura garIba na hone pAyeMge, aura zrImantoM kI lar3akiyA~ garIva se byAhI jAne para bhI utanI, garIba na raha paayeNgii| rahane kA makAna vagairaha hissAbA~Ta kI cIja na samajhI jAya, sampatti kA hissA kara diyA jAya, usapara kanyA

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78) Atma kathA . kA hI haka rahe, kanyA agara niHsantAna mara jAya to sanugaTa vAlI ko sampatti na mile Adi isa viSaya meM bahuta vicAra kiyA jAnA cAhiye / parantu ina saba bAtoM ko AtmakathA meM sthAna nahIM mila sakatA / yahA~ to sirpha saMketa mAtra kiyA gayA hai / jabarata yaha hai ki daheja huMDA Adi kAnUna se kAphI bar3A aparAdha samajhA jAya aura isako lenevAlA paryApta daMDanIya mAnA jAya / . Aja to haMDA ke kAraNa triyoM kI ijjata mAtApitA ke yahA~ aura patika yahA~ kAphI ghaTagaI hai| mAnApitA ke liye to ve jIvana kA bojha haiM, ghara ujAr3anevAlI haiM isaliye unakA sahaja vAtsalya hone para bhI ve cubhatI haiM / pati ke yahA~ isaliye unakI ijjata kama hai ki agara mara jA~ya to dUsarI zAdI hone para phira huMDA mila sakatA hai isaliye unake jIvana kI parvAha kyoM kI jAya ? isaliye huMDA yA daheja kI prathA kA nirmUla nAza honA Avazyaka hai| . isa prakAra ke paise se mujhe svAbhAvika ghRNA thI / yahA~ taka ki sasurAla. Ane para jamAI ko rupaye Adi dene kA jo rivAz2a hai usako lene meM bhI mujhe lajjA AtI thI / lete samaya aisA . lagatA thA mAnoM kisI se kucha lA~ca le rahA huuN| kaMjUsI ke kAraNa . yA AvazyakatA ke kAraNa yA isa kAraNa ki na lene se sasurAla ke loga nArAjI samajheMge, bheMTa to le letA thA parantu usa ke badale meM kapar3e Adi itanA sAmAna le jAtA thA jisase vaha lenA naphe 'kI cIja na rahatA thA / hA~ prArambha meM jaba vidyArthI thA, apanI * kamAI kA kucha paisA nahIM thA taba kucha nahIM kara pAtA thA /

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. vivAha [ 79 .. vaivAhika sambandha ko lekara do kuTumboM kA jo mela hotA . hai usameM jo Aja rItirivAjoM ke nAma para vikRti AgaI hai usameM eka bAta mujhe kAfI khaTakatI rahI hai| vaha hai kanyA pakSa kA vilakula choTA samajhA jAnA / jaba maiM palakAcAra meM palaMga para baiThA taba kanyA pakSa ke bar3e bar3e bUr3he aura guru jana mere aura kanyA ke paira chate the / vara aura kanyA beTI aura beTe ke samAna haiM ve sAsa-sasura Adi gurujanoM ke paira chue~ yaha to samajha kI bAta hai para gurujana hI apanI santAna yA santAnopama vyaktiyoM ke paira chue~ yaha bAta samajha meM nahIM aaii| vivAha ke bahuta dinoM bAda jaba sasurAlavAloM se saMkoca haTa gayA thA taba maiM apanI sAsU Adi se ye saba bAteM kahA karatA thA, ve merI bAtoM ko dAda to detI thI para vidA ke samaya mere aura apanI lar3akI ke paira chUnA na bhUlatIM thIM / isa prakAra maiM khuzI se vyAkhyAna bhI jhAr3a letA thA aura cupacApa usakI avahelanA bhI karA letA thA / . . . . eka bAra eka bhAI ne isakA kAraNa batAyA ki kanyAdAna pAtradAna hai aura pAtra to pUjya hotA hai isaliye vara umra meM choTA hone para bhI pUjya hai| para isakA unake pAsa koI uttara nahIM thA ki kanyA kyoM pUjya hai / kadAcit pAtra kI patnI hone se vaha pUjya mAnI jAya to usase adhika paira chUne lAyaka vandanIyatA to kanyA ke pitA meM hI A jAtI hai kyoMki vaha pUjya kanyA kA pitA hai / isaliye use kanyA ke vinaya karane kI apekSA apanA vinaya adhika karanA caahiye| .

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80] Atma kathA - dUsarI bAta yaha hai ki vara ko pAtra kahanA aura kanyA ko deya batAnA nArIva kA apamAna hai / nArI dhana paise kI taraha yA gAya bhaiMsa kI taraha dene lene kI cIz2a nahIM hai / vivAha vara kanyA kA paraspara sambandha hai, pitA usakA prabandhaka hai-dAtA nahIM / nArIko dAna kI cIz2a mAna lene para vaha becane-kharIdane Adi kI cIz2a bana jAyagI vaha manuSya na rahegI / isaliye kanyAdAna aura pAtra Adi kI bAta vyartha hai| - asala bAta yaha hai ki jaba loga lar3a jhagaDakara, mArapITa kara aura yuddha meM jItakara kanyA pakSa ko davA lete the aura sulaha ko pakkI rakhane ke liye vijita zatru kI kanyA se zAdI kara lete the taba vaha vijita zatru vijayI samrATa kI pUjA vinaya Adi karatA thA / vara kI pAdapUjA. isI prathA kA bhagnAvazeSa hai / parantu meM to aisA vIra thA nahIM, aura hotA bhI to zAyada isa prakAra kanyApakSa kA apamAna kara ke vIratA kA pradarzana na karatA nArI kA apamAna karane vAle barbaratA ke ye smAraka naSTa honA caahiye| .. vivAha meM kucha rItirivAz2a kanyAkA apamAna karanevAle bhI the| jaise vara jisa thAlI meM bhojana kara jAye usI gUMThI thAlI meM vahI gUMThA anna kanyA ko khilAyA jAya / niHsandeha gaha pravandha kI dRSTise kahIM kahIM gharoM meM aisA hotA hai zAyada usI kA abhyAsa karAne ke liye purakhoM ne vaha rivAz2a banAyA hogA / isa dRSTise zAyada kisI samaya usa kI upayogitA hogI para Aja to yaha apamAna-pradarzana na honA cAhiye / hA~ ekatvapradarzana ke liye donoM ko eka sAtha eka hI thAlI meM bhojana karAyA jAya to ThIka bhI hai|

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vivAha [81 eka yaha rivAz2a acchA thA ki bhA~vara ke samaya kanyA bilakula pardai meM nahIM rhtii| usa kA ghUghaTa to rahatA hI nahIM hai parantu sira bhI kAphI khulA rahatA hai, hAtha pITha : peTa Adi bhI khulA rahatA hai| Ar3hane kA kapar3A kAfI patalA rahatA hai jisase aMga dikha sakeM / yaha rivAz2a isaliye banAyA gayA hai ki saba loga acchI taraha kanyA ko dekha sakeM / bhAvara hI vivAha kI pakkI chApa mAnI 'jAtI hai isaliye usa samaya kanyA kA pUrNa nirIkSaNa ho jAnA Avazyaka hai| yaha rivAz2a kAfI acchA hai| jahA~ pardAprathA hai vahA~ to isa prathA kI kAfI upayogitA hai| - kahIM kahIM to aisI mAnyatA hai ki bhA~vara ke samaya donoM tarapha ke khAsa khAsa sambandhI hI upasthita rahate haiM, sarva sAdhAraNa ko upasthita nahIM rahane diyA jAtA / usakA kAraNa yahI hai ki bhA~vara ke samaya kanyA kAfI khulI rahatI hai aura isa veSa meM sarva sAdhAraNa use kyoM dekhe ? isIliye bahuta se sthAnoM para bhA~vara kA samaya bAraha baje rAta ke bAda rakkhA jAtA hai / AvazyakatA brAhmaNa devatA se aisA hI muhUrta nikalavAtI hai / para aba to saba se acchI bAta yahI hai ki pardA-prathA hI uThA dI jAya aura vivAha adhika se adhika logoM kI sAkSI meM ho sake / hA~, itane loga na bulAye jaoNya jisase zAMtibhaMga ho| vivAha ke purAne rIti rivAjoM meM kucha aise haiM jo usa samaya kI AvazyakatA ko dekha kara banAye, gaye the / kucha aise haiM jo kisI / ghaTanA vizeSa ke andha.. anukaraNa haiM / ina saba kA patA

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82 ] Atma kathA lagAnA Aja kaThina hai isaliye yahI acchA hai ki unameM se jo sArthaka mAlUma hoM ve rakkhe jA~ya aura bAkI haTA diye jAyeM / vivAha-paddhati aisI susaMskRta aura bhAvapUrNa banAyI jAya jisakA asara jIvanavyApI ho / satyasamAja kA vivAha-paddhati isI dRSTi se banAI gaI hai| . usa samaya merI jJAti meM vivAha zAdiyoM meM donoM pakSoM meM lar3AI jhagar3A prAyaH ho jAyA karatA thA / lena-dena ke viSaya meM tanAtanI hone lagatI thii| para merA rukha aisA thA ki use dekhakara bArAtiyoM ko zAnta rahanA par3atA thA / pitAjI kA rukha bhI udAra thaa| kadAcit unheM bhaya thA ki koI yaha na kahale ki kaMgAla hI to ThaharA paise ke liye lar3egA nahIM to kyA karegA ? kucha bhI ho vivAha bar3I zAna se ho gayA arthAt bar3e Ananda ke sAtha bAlavivAha kI cedI para merA balidAna kara diyA gayA jisake kaTuka phala bahuta hI jaldI dikhAI dene lge| ....... (12) vivAha ke duSpariNAma vivAha ke duppariNAmoM meM pahilA pariNAma huA Arthika durvsthaa| pitAjI kI pUMjI karIva haz2Ara rupaye kI sAhukArI thii| usI ke vyAja se unakI guz2ara hotI thii| parantu vivAha meM ATha * nava sau rupayA kharca ho gayA aba sirpha sau Der3hasau rupaye kI sAhukArI raha gaI isaliye. AmadanI. ikadama ghaTa gaI aura. vivAha ke kAraNa kucha na kucha kharca bar3ha.hI gayA / zaizava meM mAtAjI ke dehAnta ke vAda jo garIbI AI. thI. usakA. anubhava sirpha pitAjI ko karanA

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vivAha ke duSpariNAma 83 par3A thA aura vaha bhI buAjI ke kAraNa bahuta kama, aura mujhe to kucha bhI na karanA par3A thA, parantu vivAha ke bAda jo garIvI AI usakA anubhava mujhe bhI karanA pdd'aa| mere zikSaNa ke antima varSa to kAphI kaSTa meM bIte / vivAha ke bAda loga apanI patnI ko prasanna rakhane ke liye aneka taraha kI miThAiyA~ aura meve lAte haiM, garIba AdamI bhI apanI patnI ke hAtha meM rupayA do rupayA kabhI kabhI de detA hai parantu vivAha ke bAda pAMca varSa ke bhItara maiM apanI patnI ko kula milA kara eka rupayA bhI nahIM de sakA / use isakA raMja rahatA thA aura mujhe usa para krodha AtA thA ki merI garIbI kI hAlata yaha kyoM nahIM samajhatI ? aDauMsa par3osa meM mere sAtha jina jina logoM ke vivAhaM hue the ve apanI patnI ke sAtha rAta meM khAne ke liye mevA miThAI Adi lAte the parantu maiM kucha bhI nahIM, lA sakatA thaa| merI patnI jaba una striyoM meM baiThatI aura pati ke vyavahAra kI carcA calatI taba use bar3A duHkha hotA / vaha rAta meM mujhase kahatI ki saba ke pati apanI striyoMse prema karate haiM, miThAiyoM lAte haiM para tuma kucha bhI nahIM lAte / ma kahatA ki prema mana kI cIz2a hai, khAne khilAne se usakA koI sambandha nhiiN| jinake pAsa paisA hai ve khilAte haiM para mere pAsa paisA nahIM maiM kyA khilAUM? jaba maiM apanA kamAUMgA taba hara dina miThAI Adi jo kucha 'tuma kahogI khilAUMgA / isa prakAra bhaviSya ke sabjabAga dikhAkara aura mIThI 2 bAteM banAkara maiM patnI ko bahalAyA karatA thA / itane para bhI agara usa. santopa na hotA to kaThora zastra se kAma lenA pdd'taa| maiM kahatA tumheM mujhasa.. prema nahIM hai, miThAI se prema hai|

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84] 'Atma kathA eka hindU strIse. yaha kahA jAya ki use pati se prema nahIM hai, yaha usake Upara bar3A bhArI kalaMka hai, isase bacane ke liye usane isa . prakAra kI zikAyata karanA kAphI kama kara diyA thaa| . parantu muMha se na kahane para bhI asantoSa--duHkha use rahatA thA aura bAteM banAkara apanI patnI kA muMha banda kara dene para bhI maiM bhItara hI bhItara rotA thA, khIjatA thA aura mujhe isa paristhiti meM DAlanevAloM para Rddha hotA thA / sacamuca isa meM zAntA kA koI aparAdha nahIM thA / usa paraM patnItva kA bhAra bhale hI lAda diyA gayA thA para Akhira vaha vAlikA thI / vaha hamArI garIvI ko kyA samajhe ? usakI to yaha kalpanA ho sakatI thI ki vivAhita jIvana mA~ bApa ke ghara ke jIvana se adhika vaibhava vilAsa kA jIvana hai| yaha jaba usane nahIM pAyA to asantoSa honA svAbhAvika thA / spaSTavAditA use paitRka yA mAtRka saMskAroM se milI thI isaliye usake muMha se binA kisI roSa ke sahaja hI nikala jAtA thA ki aisA anAja to hamAre yahA~ [ pIhara meM jAnavaroM ko DAla diyA jAtA hai aisI aura itanI * lakar3iyAM to yoM hI tApane meM jalA dI jAtI haiM / jaba pitAjI sunate to jala-bhunakara khAka ho jAte, ve muhalle kI striyoM meM usakI niMdA karate; par3ausiyoM se use phaTakAra milatI, vaha apane mAMbApa ke ghara .. kahatI jAtI, isa prakAra bhItara hI bhItara vAtAvaraNa khUba viSailA ho. jAtA. / usa samaya pitAjI aura zAntA, ke bIcameM jo khAI khuda gaI. vaha ekaM prakAra:se.jIvana bhara nahIM bhara paaii| mujhe. unake jIvana

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vivAha ke duSpariNAma [85 bhara donoM ko apanI apanI maryAdA meM rakhane ke liye kAphI saMyama, manovala yA sahiSNutA se kAma lenA par3A hai| . isa anartha- ke mukhya kAraNa the vAla-vivAha tathA sAmAjika kurItiyAM / agara bAlavivAha na hotA. to maiM bhI kucha samajhadAra aura kamAU. hotA jisase isa prakAra kI Arthika kaThinAI. na AtI aura. patnI bhI kucha samajhadAra hotI ki vaha , garIbI ko acchI taraha saha sakatI jaise ki vaha pachi sahane lagI thii| agara vaivAhika rIti-rivAz2a adhika kharcIle na hote to vivAha meM itanA. kharca. na. hotA ki hamArI Arthika avasthA itanI qharAba ho jAtI / adhikAMza kharca paMcoM ko bhojana karAne meM huA / ekAdha, prItibhoja, hotA to ThIka bhI thA para pratyeka AdamI dina. meM do yA tIna vAra bhojana ko AtA thA / striyA~ to dina bhara vahIM rahatI jinake yahAM bhojana, hotA, isaliye tInabAra unakA bhojana niyata thA aura bacce to cAra pA~ca bAra taka khAte the, isameM sAdhAraNa AdamI udhar3a jAtA thaa| prIti bhoja kA maiM virodhI nahIM hUM parantu vaha anivArya ke samAna na honA cAhiye | tarIkA aisA honA cAhiye jisase manuSya apanI ijjata bacAye rakha sake aura jAti ke rivAz2a kA bhI pAlana kara jAya / isa vivAha se jo garIbI AI usane cAra pA~ca varSa takajaba taka maiM naukarI nahIM karane laMgA-mujhe khana parezAna kiyaa| eka to maiM ghara meM nahIM rahatA thA, bAhara par3hatA thA, dUsare ghara meM garIbI kAphI AgaI thI isaliye sAla ke dasa mahIne zAntA ko apane mAtA pitA ke yahA~ hI bitAne par3ate the, isase zAntA ke svAbhimAna ko kAphI dhakkA lagatA thA aura pitAjI kI..ijjata bhI merI

Page #94
Atma-kathA sasurAla meM nahIM raha gaI thii| kabhI kabhI unheM kucha kaDue vyaMga bhI sunanA par3ate the| :. . . merI paDhAI ke aMtima dinoM meM to Arthika sthiti itanI kharAba ho gaI thI ki pitAjI pA~ca sAta rupaye mahIne para kisI ke ghara meM jhAr3ane vuhArane Adi gharU kAmoM kI bhI naukarI karane ko taiyAra ho gaye the| pitAjI kA paDosiyoM meM jo sthAna thA use dekhate hue yaha eka tAha se AtmahatyA kahI jA sakatI thI / pitAjI ne jaba mujhase isa viSaya meM salAha mA~gI to mujhe ronA AgayAM para dUsarA upAya kyA thA ? rote rota maiMne bhI sammati de dii| phira bhI pitAjI ruka gaye aura yaha acchA hI huA / kabhI kabhI aise mauke bhI Aye jaba maiM chuTTI meM ghara AtA, rAta meM jaba hama patipatnI vinA khir3akI ke a~dhere kamare meM, jisameM cUhe khUba Udhama macAyA karate the,. vanda ho jAta taba usa ghorAndhakAra meM miTTI kA diyA jalAne ke liye bhI tala na hotA / rupayoM kI bAta to dUra hai para paisoM kI bhI kabhI cintA karanA par3atI thI / ganImata itanI hI thI ki ye saba bAteM bhoga lI jAtI thIM-mu~ha para kabhI na AtI thI isaliye paDausI bhI yaha saba na jAnate the| isa prakAra vAla-vivAha ne aura vaivAhika kuprathA ne Arthika saMkaTa kAfI bar3hA diyA thaa| vAlavivAha kA dUsarA duSpariNAma huA padapada para apamAna kA . kaSTa / vivAha ke bAda eka do varSa taka kucha nahIM huA, vAda meM loga isa bAta para jora dene lage ki par3hanA. chor3akara kucha dhaMdhA

Page #95
vivAha ke duSpariNAma [ 87 karo / par3ausI kahate - "bhaiyA, kyA bApa bur3hApe taka baila sarIkhA jutA hI rahegA ? kyA tunheM janmabhara pAlatA posatA rahegA ? tumheM bApane itanA lambA AdamI banA diyA, tumhArI zAdI karadI, aba aura kyA cAhate ho ?" koI koI catura par3ausI satarkatA batAte hue kahate "bhaiyA, kyA zAdI ke bAda bhI isa taraha ghara chor3akara rahA jAtA hai ? isa taraha to striyA~ bigaDa jAtIM haiM, ghara chor3akara calIM jAtIM haiM Adi / " 1 hara eka chuTTI ke avasara para Der3ha do mahIne taka ye sadupadeza sunane par3ate / jAna pahicAna ke jitane AdamI milate ve apane apane [komala yA kaThora ] DhaMga se mujhe isa viSaya para vyAkhyAna sunAte / maiM par3hanA chor3akara vyApAra vagairaha karane lagUM yA kahIM 10-15 rupayA mahIne kI naukarI karalaM isake dekho amuka lar3akA tumhAre barAbara hai para hara kamAkara le AtA hai aura eka tuma ho jo itane aurata rakha kara bhI bApa kI kamAI khA rahe ho / liye kahA jAtA: * eka dina cAra Ane paTThe hokara bhI aura pitAjI kI mahatvAkAMkSA bahuta nahIM thI / agara maiM 20) mahInA kamAne lagU to ve apane aura mere jIvana ko saphala mAna lete / para maiM vyApArI manovRtti kA yA usa yogyatA kA AdamI nahIM thA aura paMDitAI ke lAyaka yogyatA pA nahIM sakA thaa| maiM socatA yA ki.. bIca meM par3hanA chor3ane se na idhara kA rahUMgA na udhara kA, "" kisI taraha nyAyatIrtha ho jAnA cAhatA thA / pitA jI ko vizvAsa nahIM thA ki maiM par3hane ke bAda paccIsa pacAsa rupayA mAsika kamAne

Page #96
188] Atma kathA lagUMgA, unheM bhaya thA ki par3ha likha kara yaha pujArI bana jAyagA aura bhUkhoM marane lagegA, aise do cAra bhaktoM ke udAharaNa bhI ve mujhe diyA karate the. amuka AdamI purANa bAMcatA hai, qhaba pUjA karatA hai para ghara meM khAne ko nahIM hai, isaliye ve par3hanA chur3Akara mujhe kisI dhaMdhe meM lagA denA cAhate the| isake liye ghara kI garIbI bhI unheM parezAna karatI thI aura loga bhI unheM satAte the| jaba maiM chuTTI meM ghara Ane lagatA taba eka tarapha jahA~ patnI se milane kI kalpanA se Ananda hotA vahAM logoM ke vAgvANoM kI yAda se kApane lgtaa| ghara Ane para java dekho taba hRdaya isa bAta se dhuka dhuka hotA rahatA . ki na jAne kauna par3ausI kaba kyA bAta kaha baiThegA ? parantu par3hAI ko ThikAne para pahu~cAne kA maiM dRr3ha nizcaya kara cukA thA / saba. kA apamAna saha jAtA, ekAnta meM rotA para par3hanA chor3ane kA vicAra na krtaa| '. pitAjI ne jaba dekhA ki ghara Ane para bezarmI se yaha sava kI bAteM saha jAtA hai para kisI kI bAta nahIM mAnatA taba eka bAra unane. mujhe ciTThI likhavAI jisakA sAra yaha thA ki aba maiM tumhArA kaba taka pAlana poSaNa karUMgA ? isa patra ko par3hate hI merI sahana-zakti kA divAlA nikala gayA / maiM mana hI mana gunagunAyA ki ye viSele vAgvANa aba chuTTI ke dinoM meM ghara para hI nahIM mAre jAte aba ye patra dvArA bhI mAre jAne lage haiM / kSobha se merA khana ubalane lagA aura dila meM AyA ki . par3hAI bhI chor3a dUM aura sadA ke liye kahIM calA jAU~ jisase ina logoM ko na. mu~ha dekhanA par3e na

Page #97
vivAha ke duSpariNAma [89 inheM apanA mu~ha dikhAnA pdd'e| para janma se hI maiM kucha hisAbIkitAbI AdamI hUM isaliye uttejanA ke samaya meM bhI koI usase bhI bhItara kI manovRtti lAbha-hAni kA. hisAba lagAtI rahatI hai isaliye uttejanA se honavAle bahuta se dupphaloM se baca jAtA huuN| para isameM eka yaha burAI bhI haiM ki atisAhasa kA jIvana meM sthAna nahIM rahatA / sAdhAraNataH to atisAhasa nukasAna hI pahuMcAtA hai parantu kabhI kabhI atisAhasa se manuSya bar3e bar3e kAma bhI kara jAtA hai / jyAdaH hisAba kitAva lagAne se manuSya bahuta kama kAma kara pAtA hai / kauna kaha sakatA hai ki isa hisAbI manovRtti ne mere jIvana kI gati ko kuMThita nahIM kiyA hai / hAM yaha bhI sambhava hai ki isa hisAvI manovRtti ke kAraNa maiM aisI paristhiti meM par3ane se baca gayA hoU jahAM kA bojha maiM na saha pAtA, patita ho jAtA yA pIche lauTa aataa| khaira, yaha sarvajJatA prANI ke bhAgya meM nahIM hai / usa samaya. ghara chor3ane Adi kI bAta chor3akara maiMne pitAjI ko eka kaThora patra likhA jisakA sAra yaha thA ki- "tumane merI binA anumati ke bAlyAvasthA meM merI zAdI karadI hai isaliye zAdI kI jimmedArI mere Upara nahIM hai tuma itanA bojha nahIM saha sakate the to merI zAdI. kyoM kI ? mai akelA kucha bhI karatA / aba maiM na to par3hanA chor3anA cAhatA hUM na ghara AnA cAhatA huuN| jaba taka maiM paisA paidA na karane. lagU taba taka ke liye apanI putra-vadhU ( merI patnI ) ko zAhapura bheja. do, samajhalo tumhArA lar3akA mara gayA hai tumhArI putra-vadhU vidhavA ho gaI hai| hamAre deza meM vidhavAe~ pavitratA se sArA jIvana

Page #98
90 ] Atma kathA vitAdetI haiM taba vaha docAra varSa kyoM na gujAregI ? aura yadi nahIM gujAra sakatI to mujhe aisI satI nahIM cAhiye / " / patraM lambA thA, usameM aura bhI aisI hI bAteM thIM, bhASA asabhya na hone para bhI kAphI kaThora thI / yaha patra pitAjI ke Upara vajrAghAta ke samAna huA / ve itane roye ki zAyada merI mauta se . isase adhika na ropAte / isa ke bAda maiMne kucha dina taka una ke patra kA bhI uttara nahIM diyA / jaba meM sAgara pAThazAlA se banArasa vidyAlaya jAne lagA aura paM. gaNezaprasAdajIne kahA ki-- 'tuma eka dina pahile ghara cale jAo, apane pitAjI se milakara dUsare dina sTezana para mila jAnA , taba maiMne ghara jAne se inakAra. kara diyA / vanArasa jAte samaya jaba gAr3I damoha pahu~cI usa samaya rAMta ke do baje the / mausama bhI ThaMDa kA thA / usI samaya pitAjI kI AvAz2a pleTa-phArma para sunAI dI-'darabArI' / maiM cauMkA aura jaba hama donoM pleTaphArma para . eka jhAr3ake nIce mile taba pitAjI A~sU bahA rahe the, unakA kaMTha ruMdha gayA thaa| ve ruMdhe kaMThase bolebhaiyA / maiM bhI rone lagA aura unakI chAtIse lipaTa gayA / usa kaThoraH patra ke sambandha meM donoM ke hRdayoM meM tUphAna uTha rahA thA para donoM usa viSaya meM niHzabda the / rAta meM nIMda lagajAne se merI . gADI nikala na jAya isI kAraNa ve zAma se hI sTezana para A baiThe the / aura usa ThaMDI aura a~dherI rAta meM ve ghaMToM se merI bATa dekhate khar3e the, mere khAne ke liye kucha miThAI bhI lAye the, unakI itanI satarkatA, aura itanA vAtsalya dekhakara maiM ropar3A aura usa rAta. ko jIvana meM pahilI hI bAra meM unake pairoM para giraa| "

Page #99
vivAha ke duSpariNAma [ 91 usa samaya to kucha nahIM, para jaba maiM banArasa se lauTA taba mAlUma huA ki ciThThI kI carcA zahara bhara meM haiM, merI sasurAla meM aura usake AsapAsa ke gA~voM meM bhI hai' / so jahA~ jahA~ maiM gayA vahA~ vahA~ bahuta se logoM ne ulahanA diyA ki aisI ciTThI kyoM likhI ? para ye ulahana purAne vAgvANoM ke barAbara tIkSNa na the mujhe itane meM hI santoSa thA | bAla-vivAha se tIsarI jo hAni huI vaha hai zarIra - hAMni / vivAha ke pahile kAmavAsanA kise kahate haiM yaha maiM jAnatA hI na thA / vivAha ke bAda mere kucha mitroM ko Avazyaka mAlUma huA ki maiM kAmavAsanA ko tattva samajhaM / eka vivAhita mitra ne isa viSaya meM itane bIbhatsa aura spaSTa vyAkhyAna diye ki cauka hone ke pahile hI sahagamana ke svapna Ane lage / zarIra para bhI isakA burA prabhAva par3A / vivAhaM na hotA to kaI varSa taka maiM usa viSaya se anabhijJa hIM rahatA aura yaha bAta zarIra aura mana donoM ke liye phAyade kI hotI / bAlavivAha se cauthI hAni huI par3hAI meM vighna / pichalA eka varSa to bahuta becainI meM gyaa| kAma kI dasavIM dazAM taka to nahIM pahu~cA phira bhI bahuta sI dazAe~ pAra kara gayA thA / svayaM adhyayanaM karanA to dUra adhyApaka se ThIka taura se sunatA bhI na thA / parIkSAM meM pAsa ho gayA isakA zreya buddhi ko to kyA dUM ? vaha hai hIM kitanI-sI, bhAgya ko hI denA ThIka hai / vAlavivAha se mujhe ye cAra hAniyA~ huIM para haraeka ko the cAra hI hotI hai yaha bAta nahIM hai / isase adhika bhI ho sakatI haiM / ise saubhAgya hI kahanA cAhiye ki ye hAMniyA~ kAphI duHkha

Page #100
92 ] Atma-kathA dekara bhI itanI tIvra mAtrA meM nahIM huI ki mere jIvana ko pIsa DAlatI yA bhraSTa kara detI / kisakI kRpA se maiM sa~bhalA rahasakA isake liye kisakA nAma lUM ! vaha Izvara ho, niyati ho, yA koI aura ho use sau sau praNAma karake saMkaTa mocana . ke Ananda ko vyakta karatA hU~ | jisane nArI ke sahayoga kI AvazyakatA ko nahIM samajhA, jo usakA bhAra uThAne kI zakti nahIM rakhatA jisakA zarIra paripakka nahIM huA usakI zAdI karane se viDambanA hI viDambanA hai| ... patnI ke viSaya meM jo kucha maiMne sIkhA thA vaha itanA hI ki patnI dAsI hai use pati ko prasanna karane kA hara taraha prayatna karanA caahiye| mAnApamAna kI use cintA hI na karanA cAhiye / isa prakAra pakSapAtI vicAroM se raMge hue dila ko lekara jaba maiM suhAgarAta meM patnI se milA to mujhe bar3I nirAzA huI, maiM to yaha samajhakara gayA thA ki patnI merA svAgata karegI, praNAma karegI, rijhAyegI para jaba maiMne sAr3Ise DhaMkA huA eka mauna.prANI. dekhA aura usane yaha saba kucha na. kiyA to bhItara hI bhItara merA ahaMkAra garjane lagA / usa samaya taka nAyaka-nAyikAoM kI vRtti samajhane lAyaka sAhitya bhI nahIM par3hA thA / pUrA laTTha yA grAmINa thA, vizeSatA itanI thI ki ghamaMDa khUba thA / vaha lajjA ke mAre nahIM bolI, maiM ghamaMDa ke mAre nahIM bolA / isa prakAra tIna dina nikala gye| maiM vistara para sotA? thA vaha cupacApaM eka darI bichA kara sojAtI thI / taba vadhU. hone se vaha mahamAna thI phira bhI maiM itanA na kahasakA ki jamIna para kyoM sotI hoM ? maiM Akhira pati. thA, eka dAsI kA maiM sanmAna kaise kara sakatA.thA.? .

Page #101
vivAha ke duSpariNAma 93 . merI isa pazutA kA kAraNa bAlyAvasthA kA ajJAna to thA . hI, sAtha hI vivAha ke pahile bUr3hI striyoM ne patnI ko davAye rakhane yA vaza meM rakhane kI jo nAnA DhaMga se zikSA de rakkhI thI vaha bhI thA / eka naye ghara meM binA kisI sanmAna yA. prema ke tIna tIna rAta z2amIna para par3e rahane kA kaSTa to vahI jAnatI hogI / para kurUr3hiyoM ne . mAnava-samAja ko jo kaSTa diye haiM unake sAmane ye kaSTa kisa ginatI meM haiN| . patnI kI umra aura bhI choTI thI vaha na to kAma-vAsanA jAnatI thI, na dAmpatya jIvana kI dUsarI bAtoM kI AvazyakatA kA hI use anubhava thA / idhara maiM bhI z2arUrata se jyAdA mUrkha thA isaliye pahilI bAra Apasa meM koI AkarSaNa na huaa| basa mujhe sandeha hone lagA ki isameM patiprema nahIM hai, aura sItA jI ke satItva kI yAda karake mana hI mana rone lgaa| yaha na socA ki sItAjI sarIkhI patnI kI AkAMkSA karane vAlA maiM rAmacandra jI ke pairoM kI dhUla barAbara bhI hU~ yA nahIM. | kusaMskAroM ne, sahaja ahaMkArane aura bAlyAvasthA kI ajJAnatA ne sIdhIsAdI bAta ko vitaNDArUpa de diyA thaa| ganImata itanI hI thI ki yaha saba bhItara hI bhItara thA bAhara kucha nahIM / jyoM jyoM merI pazutA haTatI gaI tyA tyA bhItara hI bhItara saphAI hone lagI / para isameM sandeha nahIM ki asamaya meM kiye gaye mere vivAha se mere jIvana meM aneka gahare ghAva lage dhIre dhIre ve pura to gaye phira bhI aise cihna chor3a gaye jinameM samaya ..samaya para darda hotA rahA ....: .

Page #102
94] Atma kathA . apane bAlavivAha kI yAda Ate hI mujhe Aja ke navayuvaka se ISyAMsI hone lagatI hai jisa ke jamAne meM bAla-vivAha-prativandhaka kAnUna bana gayA hai| . usa samaya kI apanI mUrkhatAoM kI jaba yAda AtI hai tabhI socane lagatA hUM ki hamAre skUloM aura kaoNlejoM meM itane viSaya par3hAye jAte haiM jo jIvana meM bahuta kama kAma Ate haiM, bahuta se viSaya to sau meM ekAdha ke hI kAma Ate haiM una viSayoM kI zikSA para to bar3A jora diyA jAtA hai para dAmpatya zAstra kA nAma hI nahIM sunAI par3atA / aura jaba ki Aja naye naye zAstra varsAta meM ghAsa kI taraha paidA ho rahe haiM taba dAmpatya-zAstra kA prArambhika sAhitya bhI vyavasthita nahIM hone pAyA hai| . jaba maiM purAnI murkhatAoM aura unake phaloM kI yAda karatA hUM taba jora jora se cillA kara kahane ko tabiyata cAhatI hai ki bAla-vivAha hara hAlata meM banda honA cAhiye aura dAmpatya zAstra kI zikSA haraeka yuvaka yuvatI ko milanA caahiye| . .: . . (13)-banArasa meM adhyayana sAgara pAThazAlA se sirpha tIna mahIne ke liye maiM banArasa AyA thA / vanArasa Ane para mujhe aisA anubhava huA jaisA cir3iyA ke bacce ko ghoMsale ke bAhara nikalane para hotA hai| vanArasa eka to zahara hI itanA bar3A thA jitanA maiMne taba taka dekhA na thA phira * saMskRta vidyA kA kendra, gaMgA . kA kinArA, sAgara pAThazAlA se svatantra yA kucha svacchanda vAtAvaraNa, ina saba cIjoM ne mujhe lubhA

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banArasa meM adhyayana [95 * liyA isaliye sAgara pAThazAlA kA sambandha TUTa hI gayA / sana 1917 meM jaina nyAya madhyamA kI parIkSA dekara maiM vahIM raha gayA / jaina nyAya tIrtha kI parIkSA do varSa meM denA thI isaliye vIca ke varSa meM parIkSA dene ke liye prAcIna nyAya madhyamA kA korsa bhI le liyA / para nyAyazAstra ke viSaya meM mujhe kucha arucisI thI saba vitaNDAvAda sA mAlUma hotA thaa| darzana ke paricaya meM ruci thI para sIdhI bAtoM ko Ter3I karake kahanA, dusare darzanoM kA acchA burA khaNDana karanA yaha saba pasanda nahIM thA / isaliye nyAyazAstra kA to adhyayana sirpha isaliye kiyA ki nyAyatIrtha kI upAdhi mila jAya aura paMDitAI ko chApa mujha para laga jAya / prAcIna nyAyamadhyamA kI pustakeM eka bAra adhyApaka ke mu~ha se sunalI gaI / mujhe Age jaina nyAya tIrthakI parIkSA denA thI usakI pahilI parIkSA jaina nyAya madhyamA maiM pAsa thA isaliye prAcIna nyAyamadhyamA meM phela yA pAsa.hone kI jarA bhI cintA nahIM thii| jaba parIkSA dene paTanA gayA taba sAtha meM korsa kI pustakeM nahIM le gayA, le gayA zataraMja kI thailii| mere hI samAna isa parIkSA meM pAsa hone se udAsIna eka vidyArthI aura thA donoM baiThakara zataraMja khelA krte| hA~, parIkSA meM donoM dina pacAsa paccIsa pRSTha jarUra likha AyA, jainanyAya ke AdhAra se pRSTa bharane meM dikkata na par3I isa prakAra vyartha hI pAsa bhI ho gayA / mega saMtra se priya viSaya thA jainadharmazAstra, sarvArthasiddhi to maiM sAgara pAThazAlA meM par3ha cukA thA banArasa meM Akara parIkSA dI to saba se prathama AyA, inAma bhI milaa| gommaTasAra meM bhI maiM prathama AnA cAhatA thaa| para mujhe dharma par3hAne vAle jo adhyApaka the

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96 / Anma kathA 1 unane kabhI kisI jamAne meM gommaTasAra par3A thA isa samaya to unheM gommaTasAra kA itanA hI jJAna thA jitanA mujhe | aura the aise AlasI ki pahile se taiyAra bhI nahIM hote the / isaliye do Te sirapaccI karake ve do cAra gAthAe~ par3hA pAne the| mujhe isase bar3I cintA huI / isa ke liye zahara ke jaina mandiroM meM maiM vRdha aura eka jagaha yAcanA karane para bhaMDAra meM se sva. toDaramalajI kI bhASA vacanikA milagaI / ( una dinoM ye graMtha chape nahIM the ) vahIM hastalikhita pothA lekara AyA aura hara dina tIna ghaMTe usa kA svAdhyAya karane lagA | adhyApaka se par3hane ke pahile meM do tIna ghaMTe sirapaccI karake kAphI taiyAra ho jAtA thA / vidyArthI zreNI meM baiThakara adhyApaka ko madada karatA thA / eka do bAra adhyApaka se hI kaha diyA ki yaha bAta aisI hai Apa jaisI kaha rahe haiM vaisI nahIM / isa para jaba ve nArAja hote aura adhyApaka ko apamAnita karane ke liye mujhe aparAdhI banAte taba maiM kahatAacchA to Apa Age dekha lIjiye | Age par3hane para merI bAta kA samarthana hotA, adhyApaka mahodaya lajjita hote saba para merI dhAka baiTha jAtI / isa taraha dharmazAstra kI par3hAI kA khaTArA cala rahA thA / gommaTasAra ke kucha prakaraNa prayatna karane para bhI maiM samajha nahIM pAyA thA aura adhyApaka mahodaya to samajhAte hI kyA ? isaliye isa phirAka meM thA ki koI acchA vidvAna milatA to usase pUchatA / dharmazAstra ke adhyayana kI jo durdazA thI nyAya kI bhI vaisI thI / nyAyAdhyApaka to banArasa ke prasiddha vidvAna the para unapara bur3hApA khUba chAgayA thaa| par3hAte. par3hAte ve so jAte the aura hama.

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banArasa meM adhyayana [97 loga una kA mu~ha tAkA karate the / eka to guruoM ke viSaya meM svAbhAvika hI Adara thA aura phira ve the sabase purAne aura bar3e vidvAna, isaliye kucha kahane kI kisI meM himmata nahIM thI / anta meM vinA par3he ke samAna Akara saba vidyArthI eka jagaha baiThate aura pATha ko samajhane kI koziza karate apanI apanI buddhi ke anusAra artha lagAte isa prakAra maMthana karane para jo amRta nikalatA use piijaate| vyAkaraNameM maiM bahuta kamajora thA aura kAvyakA adhyayana bhI nahIM ke barAbara thA / isa truTi ko dUra karane ke liye bhI mujhe svAvalambana se kAma lenA par3A / U~cI se U~cI kakSAoM ke kAvya tathA pAThyakrama ke bAhara ke kAvya apane hI Apa par3hane kI maiMne koziza kI / java samajha meM na AtA taba isa viSaya meM hozyAra vidyArthiyoM se yA kisI adhyApaka se pUcha letA / kabhI kabhI to itanA adhika pUchanA par3atA ki batAnevAlA kahane lagatA ki jaba tumheM itanI bhI samajha nahIM hai taba apane Apa par3hane kI koziza kyoM karate ho kisI se par3ha hI kyoM nahIM lete ? ' 'maiM kahatA-apane Apa par3hane meM jitanA vikAsa hotA hai utanA dUsare se par3hane meM nahIM / apane Apa par3hane meM saralatA kaThinatA kA bheda isa prakAra samajha meM AtA hai ki vaha cIja bahuta dina taka yAda rahatI hai dUsare se par3hane meM khAyA bahuta jAtA hai pacAyA kama ... isa prakAra. kAvya kA jJAna bar3hAkara eka dina saMskRta meM eka lekha likhA usameM gvaba.lambe lambe samAsa DAle aura usI vidyArthI ko. batAyA jisane ulahanA.diyA thaa| vaha cakita ho gayA, bolA

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98 ] Atma kathA yaha to kAdambarI kI Takkara kA gadya hai, ajI tumane to apane Apa kAvya par3ha kara bar3A vikAsa kara liyA / isa prakAra vanArasa meM haraeka zikSaNa meM svAvalambana se bahuta kAma lenA par3A aura isase mujhe apanA jJAna bar3hAne meM bar3I maMdada milI para isase adhyApakoM kI kartavyazUnyatA upekSaNIya nahIM ho jAtI / yaha to saubhAgya kahanA cAhiye ki mujhe isase svAvalambana kI zikSA milI para bahuta se dIpaka to adhyApakoM kI isa kartavyazUnyatA se bujha jAte haiN| khaira, isa paristhiti meM bhI maiM banArama meM rahakara hI apanA zikSaNa pUrA karanA cAhatA thA para eka sAdhAraNa sI ghaTanA aisI huI jisase mujhe banArasa chor3anA par3A / eka dina mere mitra udayacandrajI ko rAta meM pyAsa lagI para durbhAgya se pAnI ke saba ghar3e khAlI the isaliye unane mujhe jgaayaa| maiMne kahA calo gaMgA meM pAnI pI AveM, para aMdherI rAta meM itanI sIr3iyA~ pAra kara gaMgA kinAra jAnA majedAra honepara bhI ucita na jacA / maiMne kahA-udhara paMDitajI [ dharmAdhyApakajI kA ghar3A rakkhA hai j usase pAnI pIlo zAyada usameM hogA ! udayacandajI pAnI pIne gaye ghar3Ako hAtha lagAkara pAnI liyA hI thA zAyada ekAdha ghUMTa piyA bhI hogA ki paMDita jI kI nIMda khula gaI aura eka vidyArthI unakA pAnI pI rahA hai isase unheM bar3A krodha aayaa| unane nAlAyaka pAjI' ullU gadhA Adi gAlIsahasranAma par3hanA zurU kara diyA | udayacandajI ko to burA lagA hI. para usase bhI jyAdA burA mujhe laMgA, itanA hI nahIM zoragula sunakara anya saba vidyArthI bhI jAga par3e the. una ko bhI burA lagA / sabere : sabane nizcita kiyA ki

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banArasa meM adhyayana 'adhyApaka jI se asahayoga sA karanA cAhiye / dUsare dina chuTTI thI, usa dina hama loga unake sAtha mandira meM nahIM gaye isase kruddha hokara unane hukma nikAla diyA ki jo mere sAtha mandira meM nahIM Aye unakA khAnA vaMda | isa bAta se vidyArthiyoM meM do dala ho gaye / eka dala kA kahanA thA ki unako rasoI ghara ke viSaya meM kyA adhikAra hai hama unake hukma ko todd'eNge| merA kahanA thA ki Aja bhUkhe rahakara hI satyAgraha karanA cAhiye banI banAI rasoI jaba vyartha jAyagI tatra unheM apanI bhUla kA jJAna hogA aura Age lar3ane ke liye apanA naitika bala bar3ha jAyagA / kucha ne khAkara hukma tor3A maiMne nahIM khAkara Age lar3ane kI bhUmikA vanAI / [ 99 syAdvAdapracAriNI sabhA kA maiM maMtrI thA sAgara se Ane ke bAda zIghra hI mujhe yaha pada mila gayA thA, kyoMki vaktRtva meM merI ruci saba se adhika thI / usa dina maiMne eka ghaMTe taka isa bAta para bhASaNa diyA ki saMsthAke kAryakartA kaise honA cAhiye / paMDitajI para kAphI kaTAkSa the unakA nAma na lekara maiMne khUba Ar3ITer3I sunAI thIM / maje kI bAta yaha ki paMDitajI ko hI sabhA kA adhyakSa banAyA thaa| bAda meM paMDitajI ne adhyakSa kI haisiyata se jo bhASaNa diyA usameM varSA kI bUMdoM kI taraha zApavarSA thI / "samAja meM tumheM . koI do kaur3I meM bhI nahIM pUchegA tuma loga bhIkha mA~gate phiroge tuma loga nAlAyaka gadhe Adi ho" yahI unake bhASaNa kA sAra thA / paMDitajI jitane uttejita hue mujhe apane vyAkhyAna kI saphalatA kA utanA hI adhika vizvAsa huA / 1

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. 100 ] Atma-kathA paMDitajI kI yaha icchA thI ki maiM mAphI mA~gU aura isI. -liye unane par3hAnA banda kara diyA / vidyArthiyoM ne kahA-aba ? maiMne kahA paMDitajI jaisA gommaTasAra pahAte haiM usase acchA to maiM padA sakatA hUM / vidyArthI cupa rahe / paMDitajI ne dekhA ki ye kamabakhta abhI bhI nahIM jhuke to una ne isI bAta para kameTI ko tyAgapatra : bheja diyA aura vidyAlayake bAhara rahane lage / unakA vizvAsa thA ki isa antima zastra. se vidyArthI jhuka jAyage para pAsA ulaTA hI par3A / ". jAca hone para maMtrI ko mAlUma huA ki choTI sI bAta para * vidyArthiyoM kA khAnA banda kiyA gayA, vidyArthI par3hane Aye unheM nahIM par3hAyA gayA, isaliye paMDitajI kI tarapha unheM sahAnubhati na rahI / paMDitajI padase sirpha dharmAdhyApaka the para unakA sthAna sarvesarvA ke samAna thA / ve apanI caturAI se aneka vAra vidyAlaya ke maMtriyoM ko aura aneka adhiSThAtAoM ko nikalavA cake the| para usa dina ve eka choTIsI ghaTanA meM ulaTa gye| unake eka ristedAra ne saba vidyArthiyoM ko akele akele meM le jAkara kahA ki darabArIlAla mAphI mAMgane ko taiyAra haiM aba tuma logoM ko unake sAtha paMDitajI ke pAsa calane meM kyA Apatti hai ? vidyArthiyoM ne kahA-jatra daravArIlAla taiyAra haiM taba hama bhI taiyAra haiM. isa taraha 'saba ko taiyAra kara vaha mere pAsa AyA aura bolA-sava vidyArthI paMDitajI ke pAsa jA rahe haiM: Apa bhI calo to acchA, nahIM to saba jAhI rahe haiN| maiM mana meM kAphI cintita huA para Upara se kahA"jinane paMDitajI kA apamAna kiyA ho unheM avazya. jAnA cAhiye maiMne nAma bhI nahIM liyA taba kyoM jAU~ ? jAne kA artha toH anaparAdha

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banArasa meM adhyayana [101 meM aparAdha kA Aropa karanA hogA | vaha calA gyaa| vidyArthiyoM se pUchA to unane kahA-tuma jAte the isaliye hama jAne ko taiyAra hue the nahIM to hameM kyA garaja thI / isa prakAra una riztedAra kI yaha cAla vyartha gaI / itanA hI nahIM hama lAgoM kI paMDitajI para ghRNA ho gii| paMDitajI ko tyAgapatra lauTAne kA koI vahAnA na milA isa prakAra unheM banArasa chor3anA pdd'aa| paMDitajI ke sAtha jhagar3ane se bauddhika saMgharSa kA zrIgaNeza huA / syAvAda vidyAlaya bahuta dinoM se jhagar3oM kA ghara thA / dalabandiyA~ hotI hI rahatI thIM mere sAmane bhI dalabandI huI thii| loga uttejita ho jAte, kucha kara baiThate, phira mAfI mA~gate isa prakAra caJcala kSobha banA rahatA thA / para maiM jhagar3oM se bilakula bacA rahatA thA / vidyArthiyoM meM maiM kisI kI dRSTimeM sIdhA bhAlA arthAt bud aura kisI kI dRSTi meM gambhIra thA / koI yaha kalpanA nahIM kara sakatA thA ki maiM kisI jhagar3e kA mukhyapAtra bana sakatA hUM yA Tika sakatA huuN| para paMDitajI ke sAtha jhagar3ane meM maiMne kAphI dRr3hatA kA paricaya diyA, eka bhI apazabda nahIM nikAlA garjana tarjana bhI nahIM kiyA aura jhagar3e kA aMta mere pakSa meM huA isase mana hI mana eka taraha kA ghamaMDa A gyaa| saMgharSa meM gambhIratA se Tika rahane kA AtmavizvAsa bhI ho gyaa| jisa bAta ko lekara jhagar3A huA thA vaha bilakula tuccha thI / Aja to yahI malama hotA hai ki vidyArthI kI haisiyata se bhane jyAdatI kI thii| paMDitajI kI mala kAphI thI para merA aghi

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102] Atma kathA naya bhI kama na thA / avinaya karake bhI ziSTAcAra kA bhaMga nahIM kiyA isase maiMne kAphI cAlAkI kA paricaya diyA aura isase merA pakSa prabala ho gayA para isakI nauvaMta na AtI jaba paMDitajI gAmmaTasAra par3hAne meM hozyAra hote / dudhArU gAya kI hI lAta sahI jAtI hai| . isa jhagar3e meM mujha se kitanI hI galatI kyoM na huI ho para Age calakara samAja se saMgharSa karane kA jo merA bhAgya thA usa kA abhinaya karane kI taiyArI avazya huI / isa prakAra usa apriya aura anucita ghaTanA se bhI mujhe bahuta kucha lAbha hI huA / kharAba ghaTanAe~ bhI kisI kisI ko acchA phala dejAtI haiN| maiM isa viSaya meM apane ko kucha saubhAgyazAlI hI samajhatA hUM kyoMki bahutasI apriya ghaTanAe~ mujhe apane vikAsa meM sahAyaka hI mAlUma huI haiN| isa sUkSma aura asIma vizvameM kalyANa aura akalyANa vahA~ kahA~ chipe par3e haiM usa ko yaha tuccha prANI kyA jAna sakatA hai ? vaha svajJa hokara bhI jJa kI apekSA ajJa anaMtaguNa rahatA hai| choTI choTI aura apriya se apriya ghaTanAe~ bhI mAnava jIvana ko kahA~ kA kahIM lejA sakatA haiM isakA thor3AsA hI vicAra karane se manuSya ko cakita hojAnA par3atA hai / khaira, usa apriya ghaTanA ke bAda banArasa meM rahanA majhe acchA na lagA / dharmazAstra kI par3hAI kA sAdhana vahIM thA hI nahIM iliye morenA jAne kI AzA meM maiMne banArasa chor3a diyaa| 14. morenA meM sAgara vanArasa Adi vidyAlayoM meM vidyArthiyoM ko bhojana tathA .. ekAdha rupayA hAthakharca milane kA niyama thaa| para morenAmeM ATha

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morenA meM. [103 , rupayA mahInA diyA jAtA thA aura bhojanaprabandha Adi vidyArthI apanA apanA karalete the / jaba maiM morenA vidyAlaya meM dAkhila huA taba parIkSA ke liye sirpha savA mAu rahagayA thA isaliya vidyAlaya ke adhikAriyoM ne mujhe isa zartapara liyA ki agara gommaTasAra kI parIkSA pAsa ho jAoge to skAlazipa milegI anyathA nhiiN| isI zartapara maiM bharatI ho gyaa| usa samaya plega ke kAraNa morenA kA vidyAlaya lalitapura ke kSetrapAla meM thA / vahIM meM sabAmAha rahA / khAsa khAsa zaMkAsthala hI mujha samajhanA the so samajhe, parIkSA dI, aura prathama zreNI meM pahilA nambara AyA / inAma bhI milaa| . garmI kI chuTTiyoM ke bAda jaba morenA pahu~cA to vahA~ inphlueMjA kA prakopa thA isaliya morenA vidyAlaya AgarA AyA / para AgarA meM bhI pratidina 500-600 AdamI marate the isaliye vidyAlaya kI chuTTI kara dI gaI, maiM ghara AgayA / isa samaya ghara kI Arthika dazA kAphI kharAba thii| mere Upara cAroM tarapha se bauchAreM par3atI thIM yadhapi sAta ATha mAha meM merI par3hAI pUrI hone vAlI thI para ye sAta ATha mahIne nikAlanA hI kaThina ho rahA thaa| kucha loga ne salAha dI ki damoha kI pAThazAlA meM hI naukarI karalo / vivaza hokara meM isa ke liye bhI tayAra ho gayA, para paMcAyata isa kA nirNaya kare isake pahile morenA se bImArI haTane ke samAcAra Aye aura maiM vahA~ calA gayA / agara isa samaya adhUrI par3hAI meM damoha meM rahAyA hotA to mere vikAsa kA mArga rupaye meM bAraha AnA skagayA hotA / zakti kisI na kisI rUpameM to pragaTa hotI

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104 ] Atma kathA hI para usakI mAtrA nagaNya ho jAtI / usa samaya damoha meM naukarI na kI yaha eka taraha kA saMkaTa hI Tala gayA / phira bhI morenA meM mere jJAna kA kucha vikAsa nahIM huA / prArambha meM dharma kI kakSA meM kabhI kabhI aisI zaMkAe~ chor3a detA thA jisame adhyApaka aura vidyArthI ghaMToM mAthApaccI karate rahate the para bAda meM par3hane se bilakucha udAsInatA AI thI / kisI taraha nyAyatIrtha pAsa ho jAU~ aura naukarI karane lagU basa itanA hI tuccha uddeza raha gayA thA / 1 ghara kI Arthika cintA, aura bAlavivAha ke kAraNa asamaya meM pake hue yauvana kI uttAla taraMgeM dinarAta mana ko kSubdha banAye rakhatI thIM / adhikAMza samaya tAsa khelane aura vicAramagna avasthA maiM bAhara ghUmane meM nikala jAtA thA / nyAyatIrtha kI pATya pustakeM eka cAra par3hIM thIM aura eka bAra kucha nizAnoM para naz2ara DAla lI thI / vaktRtva kalA aura kavitva zakti kA yahA~ bhI paricaya diyA thA / para saba se jyAdA dilacaspI thI patnI ko ciTThI likhane meM, usakI ciTThiyA~ par3hane meM tathA viyoga ke gIta banAne meM / patnI ke sAtha patravyavahAra karanA usa samaya kAphI nirlajjatA kA kAma samajhA jAtA thA / damoha meM merI aura merI patnI kI isa bAta ko lekara kAphI ha~sI ur3AI jAtI thI, para javAnI ko, phira cAhe vaha asamaya meM pakI ho cAhe samaya para pakI ho, ina bAtoM ko parvAha nahIM hotI / kucha sudhAraka manovRtti bhI thI usane bhI aisI bAtoM se lAparvAha banA diyA thaa|

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morenA meM [105 morenA ke dina pUre karake parIkSA dene kalakattA gyaa| dina meM parIkSA detA thA, rAta meM nATaka dekhatA thA / parIkSA dekara rAsta meM sammedazikhara kI yAtrA kii| eka hI dina meM itanI lagbI yAtrA karane meM manuSya ko kyA zAnti milatI hogI yaha nahIM samajhA / karIva vIsa mIla kA cahanA utaranA hai| kisI taraha cakkara hI kaTa pAtA hai, nirAkulatA se baiThakara paramArtha cintana kA koI avasara nahIM milatA, aisI lambI yAtrA ke liye to bIca meM yAtriyoM ko Thaharane aura khAne pIne ke liye aneka sthAna bananA cAhiye / jisase yAtrI Thaharate hue do tIna dina meM yAtrA pUrI kara sakeM, prakRti kI zobhA dekha sakeM, vana-vihAra kA Ananda le skeN| yAtrA meM 14 mIla, pArzvanAtha zikhara taka, maiM kisI taraha pahu~ca gayA para lauTate samaya paroM ne javAba de diyA / anta meM jhAr3a ke nIce laTa gayA / do bhIla eka kapar3e meM merI poTalI bAdhakara dharmazAlA meM DAla gye| isa maz2adarI ke unane Der3ha rupayA liyaa| dharma ke liye kaSTa sahanA par3atA hai isa anubhava se hamane dharma aura kaSTa ko eka hI cIz2a samajha liyA hai / aura dharma kA mApa viveka se yA usake phala se nahIM karate kintu kaSTa se karate hai| dharma ke nAma para kisI bhI taraha kA kaSTa saha lenA hamane dharma samajha liyA hai isakA phala yaha ho rahA hai ki dharma ke nAmapara yahA~ naraka to bana gaye haiM para dharma kA phala svarga dikhAI nahIM detA athavA bahuta kama dikhAI detA hai| .

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106 ) Atma kathA khaira, do bhIloM ke bIca meM laTakatI huI poTalI banakara hI kyoM na ho kisI taraha tIrtha yAtrA kI kIrti lUTakara (puNya TUTakara nahIM) pahAr3atIrtha aura nyAyatIrtha kI vandanA karake banArasa Apahu~cA / (15) banArasa meM adhyApaka pharavarI 1919 meM kalakattA se parIkSA dekara lauTA to banArasa Thahara gayA aura yahIM syAdvAda vidyAlaya meM dharmAdhyApaka niyukta kara liyA gayA / kucha samaya pahile isa viSayameM patra-vyavahAra ho gayA thaa| vetana 35) mahInA milA / garIbI ke aMdhakAra meM se nikalane ke liye 35) rupayoM kA prakAza paiMtIsa muharoM sA mAlUma huA / eka varSa pahile maiM yahA~ vidyArthI thA, adhikAMza vidyArthI ve hI the jo gatavarSa mujhase nIcI vakSAoM meM par3hate the| eka hI vidyAlaya meM vidyArthI kI haisiyata se jo sAtha -sAtha rahe hoM ve U~cI kakSA ke hoM yA nIcI kakSA ke, unakA dAvA vAvarI kA rahatA hai / phira unameM bahuta se vidyArthI aise the jo gatavarSa taka gommaTasAra meM . mere sAtha par3hate the aba eka varSa bAda meM hI unheM gommaTasAra par3hAne ke liye niyukta huA / gatavarSa maiM dharmAdhyApakajIse bhir3a hI cukA thA isI kAraNa vai cale bhI gaye the| una ke pakSa ke vidyArthI bhI maujUda the jinheM naI paristhati ke anusAra merA vidyArthI bananA thA / yaha saba vikaTa paristhiti thI jisakA mujhe sAmanA karanA thA / isaliye saba se pahilA kAma maiMne yaha kiyA ki adhyApakoM ke samAna gambhIratA se rahane lgaa| saba vidyArthiyoM se prema se vyavahAra karatA thA, una para apanA gurutva dikhAne kI koziza na karatA thA,

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banArasa meM adhyApaka [107 paTAne meM sArI zakti lagAkara unheM samajhAtA thA, para kabhI bhI gAmbhIrya naSTa na hone detA thA aura na bAlocita krIr3Ae~ karatA thA, dinabhara pustakAvalokana hI karatA thaa| ina saba bAtoM kA bahata acchA prabhAva par3A / phira bhI gatavarSa mere sAtha par3hanevAle ve vidyArthI to vidyAlaya chor3a kara cale hI gaye jo pichale dharmAdhyApakajI ke pakSa . meM the| phira bhI do mahIne meM sArA vAtAvaraNa sApha ho gayA aura garmI kI chuTTiyoM ke bAda maiM apanI patnI ko lekara banArasa pahu~ca gayA / aura jude makAna meM rahane lgaa| vaha maha~gAI kA z2amAnA thA / pAMca sera kA gehUM aura karIva tIna rupayA sera ghI milatA thA phira bhI paiMtIpta rupayA meM maiM santuSTa thA / arthika dRSTi se Atmagaurava aura svatantratA kA pUga anubhava hotA thaa| vivAha ke bAda se ina pAMca varSoM meM maiM patnI ko eka rupayA bhI na desakA thA isakA darda mere dila meM aura patnI ke dila meM bhI uThA karatA thA para donoM hI bhaviSya ke kisI saubhAgyazAlI dina kI AzA meM usa darda ko saha rahe the / maiM usa dina kI bATa cAtaka kI taraha dekha rahA thA jaba pUrA vetana patnI ke hAtha para rakvaMgA aura jisa dina maiMne vetana lAkara patnI ke hAya para rakkhA usa dina hama donoM eka dUsare se saTakAra khar3e hokara jisa anirvacanIya Ananda kA anubhava karate rahe vaha pIche hajAroM rupayA pA pAra bhI nahIM huaa| . . usa samaya na to merI patnI ke pAsa acchI dhotI thI na sAmAna rakhane ke liye peTI thI pahile mahIne meM yahI kharIde gaye,

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108 ] Atma-kathA " dhotI kharIdane ke liye jaba hama donoM vanArasa kI galiyoM meM cakkara kATane lage tatra aisA mAlUma huA mAnoM svarga ke nandana vana meM vihAra karane lage hoM ! banArasa meM raha kara maiMne kavitA banAne kA khUba abhyAsa kiyA / haraeka jaina patra meM kavitA likhane lagA, sampAdakoM kI mAMgeM bhI Ane lgiiN| yahAM samaya kAphI milatA thA sirpha cAra ghaMTA par3hAnA par3atA thA isaliye 6-7 ghaMTe meM kavitA likhane, sAhityAvalokana karane tathA pugane guruoM se kucha adhyayana karane meM lagAtA thA / Arthika cintA se mukta hone ke kAraNa kAma meM mana bhI khUba lagatA thA / eka isa samaya eka bAra bhakti kA jvAra bhI aayaa| kucha mahIne taka yahI krapa rahA ki zAma ko do tIna ghaMTe bhelUpura ke jaina maMdira meM jA kara mUrti ke Age ekAnta meM baiThA rahatA / vahA~ baiThane meM aisI nirAkulatA tathA Ananda kA anubhava hotA thA ki bhelUpura jAne ke kaI ghaMTe pahile se hI merA mana Ananda - nRtya karane lagatA thA / jaise kisI melTele meM jAne ke pahile bacce ghara meM hI uchalane kUdane lagate haiM usI taraha merA mana pratidina dupahara ke do tIna bajese hI bhelUpura jAne ke liye uchalane kUdane lagatA thA / aura vahA~ jitanI dera baiThatA thA vahA~ vaikuNTha yA mokSa jaisI nirAkulatA mAlUma hotI thI / isa prakAra ekAntasevana, tathA bhakti meM tallIna hone kI AkAMkSAne mere jIvana meM amiTa sthAna banA liyA hai, pichale bIsa varSa ke sAmAjika dvaMdamaya jIvana para jaba maiM naz2ara DAlatA hUM taba *

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banArasa meM adhyApaka [ 109. mujhe apane para bar3A Azcarya hotA hai / mana se vacanasa yA. tanase . kisI ke Upara. AkramaNa karane kI yahA~ taka ki svayaM prerita. ho. kara kisI ko samajhAne kI bhI mujha meM ruci nahIM hai. phira na jAne / vaha kaunasI zakti hai jo merI isa ruci ko kucalatI rahatI hai aura mAnoM iNTara para haNTara lagAtI huI 'mata vaiTha calatA raha! ta baiTha calatA raha' kA garjana karatI rahatI haiN| pichale bIsa varSoM se eka ke bAda eka naye Andolana uThAne, aura pAgala kI taraha unake pIche par3ane yahA~ taka kI unake liye mitra dostoM kI, dhana paise kI yA svAsthya kI bhI parvA na karane kA pAgalapana jo maiM kara rahA hUM, eka dina bhI apane ko nizcinta nahIM banAsakA hU~ lekhanI se kAgaz2a ko raMgakara yA mu~ha se logoM ko pITakara jo janasamAja meM kSobha paidA karatA rahA hUM usa paristhiti kA jaba apanI ruci se milAna karatA hUM taba aisA mAlUma hotA hai ki koI divya yA rAkSasI zakti kisI pahAr3a ko mAra mAra kara daur3A rahI hai / jisasamaya ye paMktiyA~ likhI jA rahI haiM usa samaya meM apane isa jIvana ko dekhakara hI Arya ke samudra meM gote lagA rahA huuN| saci kahatI hai "cupa baiTha, kisake liye tU kyA kara rahA hai manuSya ho kara mazIna kI taraha kAma karake tU kyA pAyagA ! . tane bhagavAna kA darzana kiyA hai, aba duniyA para naz2ara DAlakara apanI A~kheM apavitra kyoM kara rahA hai ? jaMgala meM calA jA, jo tere sAtha tAdAmya sthApita karanA cAheM una ko bhI sAtha lale aura . pavitra Ananda kA svAda capAtA raha, Adara satkAra yaza Adi saba . .yUTa hai, bar3e bar3e . mahAtmA bhI jIvanamara . nirAdara. hI pAte rahe haiM, .

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1.10] Atma kathA jinake liye unane jIvanabhara tapasyA kI unhIM ke dvArA ThukarAye gaye. haiM aura bar3e se bar3e zaitAna bhI asIma, Adara pUjA yaza. pada AdiH pAte, rahe haiM, taba ina cIjoM meM kyA mahattA rahI. ? bhaktimeM aura, .. ekAntameM joH Ananda hai vaha Adara pUjA yaza meM kahA~ hai| bhakti. kA Ananda nirdoSa hai ahiMsaka hai para Adara pUjA yaza kA Ananda. IrSyAjanaka hai hiMsaka hai isaliye vaha rAjasa yA tAmasa hai / phiraH dekha. to sahI dhanameM padameM AdarameM aura yaza. meM Ananda kyA hai ? adhika dhana pAkara kyA tU adhika khAne lagegA. aura adhika khAkara. kyA tu adhika sukhI ho sakegA ? yadi nahIM, to dhana kisa. kAma. kA.1 pada se bhI tujhe kyA milegA ? pada se adhikAra milatA. hai. Adara milatA hai, adhikAra se dUsaroM kA nigraha kara sakate haiM para isase. tujhe kyA milegA.? : dUsaroM ko. miTAna se unakA miTA huA. bhAga tujha meM to juDegA nahIM aura jur3A bhI to usase terA bojha hI baDhegA, Ananda ... kyA milegA. ? rahA. Adara so Adara se ucca sthAna milatA hai. agaraH uccasthAna kI hI. tujhe bhUkha ho. to jaMgala meM jAkara kiMsI TekarI para kyoM nahIM car3ha jAtA ? maMca kI. kusI se vaha TekarI. kAphI U~cI hai| yaza, se. bhI kyA lAbha hai ? tArIpha ke zabda koyala ke svara se,... adhika moThe nahIM hote, tArIfa ke zabdoM se sirpha, tujhe. hI. Ananda. AtA hai| dUsaroM ko to: IrSyA hI hotI hai| isa prakAra saMsAra meM . duHkha hI hai para koyala ke svara se sabhI ko Ananda milatA hai. isaliye jaMgala meM raha kara cir3iyoM kA cahacahAnA suna, nAma. bar3AI.. meM kyA rakkhA: hai ?: mAnale terA nAma amara ho gayA. para marane ke bAda

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banArasa meM adhyApaka [111 'terA nAma aura terA yaza saba tere liye parAyA ho jAne vAlA hai| agara marane ke bAda tU aisA hI jagaha paidA ho jahA~ terA yaza phailA huA hai 'aura terI bana kI pUjA hotI hai to kyA tujhe bhI una pujAriyoM meM hI zAmila na honA par3egA ? isa prakAra marane ke bAda terA nAma aura yaza tere liye bhI parAyA ho jAyagA taMtra nAga kI amaratA ke liye kyoM marA jAtA hai ? tU samajhatA hai duniyA ko terI sevA kI jarUrata hai ! para z2arA mara kara dekha, 'kyA duniyA kA koI 'kAma tere binA ar3atA hai ? yadi nahIM to sevA ke nAma para 'mAnaM na mAna maiM terA mahamAna' kyoM banatA phiratA hai ? agarata sevA hI karanA cAhatA hai to asaphalatA se duHlI kyoM hotA hai ? kyA dharma se manuSya duHkhI hotA hai, ahaMkAra aura moha hI mana meM duHkha paidA karate hai-dharma nahIM, isaliye nirmoha bana, nirahaMkAra bana, duniyA kI chAtIpara apanI sevA mata lAda, nida bana, nizcita bana, ekAntasevA cana, aura bhakta bana, visI taraha isaroM kA bojha mata bana | dUsaroM ke mArga meM Ar3e na AnA yaha dUsaroM kI bar3I se bar3I sevA hai| koI lene Aye aura to sa puThaM ho to bhale hI dede para dene kA vyasana mata lgaa|" jaba maiM samajhadAra huA hUM yA samajhadAra kahalAne lAyaka AtamI samarI ruci aisI ho rahI hai para do zaktiyA~ heci ko saphalatA pUrvaka davAtI rahI hai aura iNTara mAra mAra kA mujhe calAtI rahI haiN| eka zakti kahatI hai jaisA socatA hai agara sabhI loga aisA hI soca leMta, purAne mahAnA bhI yahI soca lete to Aja yaha ke bhakta vana, kisI, nivedana, kina duniyA kA

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:112 .. Atma kathA mAnava-samAja pazuoM se Age na hotA / pUrvajoM se lekara hI manuSya Age bar3ha sakA hai, tUne agara kisI se chaTAka bhara liyA hai. to sera bhara denA terA pharja hai / manuSya karmahIna nahIM ho sakatA aura . . jaba karma anivArya hai taba karma ko IsA kyoM na banAnA cAhiye - jisase vizvahita. ho ske.| jIvana-nirvAha ke liye jagata se kucha lenA hI par3egA. to usake badale meM kucha dene meM hicakanA kyoM '.cAhiye ? kyAH akarmaNya hone se.hI tirAgatA A jAtI hai. ? Adara aura yaza koI burI cIz2a nahIM hai burI cIja to hai inakI tRSNA, jisase inake lUTane kI icchA ho jAya inake liye saMyama - aura . sabhyatA kA bhaMga ho jAya, inake pIche manuSya satya kI bhI parvAha na kare, yA janahita ke badale ye jIvana ke mukhya dhyeya bana jAya / : ayAcita Adara yaza mile to pApa na ho jAyagA, tU karma karatA : * cala / duniyAkA hita to 'mAna na mAna maiM terA mahamAna banakara hI karanA par3atA hai kyoM ki duniyA ke eka muMha nahIM hai / jitane AdamI haiM utane hI mu~ha haiM / va maba tujha nimana.Na saMdaM sakata hai ? ve samajheM bhI kesa ki ta nimantraNa dana lAyaka hai / phi. sAdhAraNa duniyA to usa avodha bAlaka sarIkhI hai jo par3hane ke Dara se galA . hai / vidyAkA mahatva vaha Aja nahIM jAnatA, duniyA bhI aisI hai, : naI bAtoM kA mahattva vaha Aja nahIM jAnatI, muddhatA ke kAraNa usaH meM : haTavAditA. hotI hai. isaliye vaha tiraskaraNIya nahIM dayanIya hai / isaliye yaza ke liye nahIM, kintu javina karmazIla hai imaliye . samAjahitakArI karma karane ke liye, samAja kA RNa kaI guNA cukAne ke liye nirlipta raha kara karma kara / : .. : . . .::

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banArasa meM adhyApaka [. 113 eka dUsarI zakti kahatI hai "agara tujhe kucha karane kI zakti 'milI haiM to usase tujhe zaktimAna kahalAMnA hI cAhiye / yaza hI amara jIvana hai Adara hI saccA vyaktitva haiM / kharAba aura sAdhAraNa vyakti bhI karmaThatA ke kAraNa mahAna bane haiM tU agara mahAna banatA hai to isameM burAI kyA hai ? jagat mUrkha hai jagat ko samajhadAroM kA bojha uThAnA hI par3egA, unakI tU parvAha kahA~ taka karegA ? jagat ko tU becArA kyoM samajhatA hai ? vaha DAkuoM kA nirAha hai, sabhI luTArU haiM tU unheM na TUTa pAyagA to ve tujhe TUTeMge | TUTanA yA iMTanA do meM se eka anivArya hai / chUTanA agara zaitAniyata hai to luTanA haivAniyata hai | yogyatA rahane tu haivAna kyoM banatA hai, zaitAna vana / haivAniyata gunAha belajjata hai, zaitAniyata gunAha hai para usa meM lajjata tA hai / saba apanI parvAha karate haiM tU bhI apanI parvAha kara, tyAMga eka taraha kI mUrkhatA hai| hA~, vaha lAbha ke liye ho to bAta dUsarI hai| jar3atA hI bar3A pApa hai tU jar3a ta vana, karma kara / } isa prakAra eka khudAI tAvRta dUsarI zaitAnI tAkata ruci ke anusAra caina se nahIM baiThane detI / khudAI tAqata prema hai, zaitAnI tAkata moha hai / kaba kauna rucipara haNTara mAratI hai, yaha kahanA kaThina hai / 1 ina bIsa varSoM se yA kI bAta to dUra, meM apane nikaTa se nikaTa mitroM ko yA dUra rahanevAle paricitoM ko bhI khuza nahIM kara pAyA, jo ThIka U~cA usI para calane lagA, isase nArAjI aura asahayoga aura arthahAni hI milI jisase mAna hotA hai ki prema

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114 ] 'AtmakathA hI caina nahIM lene detA para kabhI kabhI mana kAphI kSubdha ho jAtA hai, prayatna vyaktica kI. vRddhi kI dizA meM bhI kAma karatA hai, asaphalatA meM vedanA bhI hotI hai, isase mAlUma hotA hai yahA~ moha - hai, zaitAna hai, khera moha kA kiTTa ho yA na ho para moha kI kAlimA avazya hai / isa prakAra prema aura moha haNTara mArate hue jIvana ko daur3Ate jAte haiM / phira bhI umaMga se daur3ane vAle ghor3e aura haNTara khAkhAkara daur3ane vAle ghor3e meM jo antara hai vaha yahA~ bhI hai / haNTara mAgne vAlA prema yA moha jaba thaka jAyagA tabhI ghor3A baiTha jAyagA aura mujhe ye dina dUra nahIM mAlUma hote jaba yaha ghor3A caiTegA aMyavA jaba taka haNTara mArane vAle rukAvaTa kareMge taba taka baiThA rhegaa| khaira, yahA~ choTIsI bAta ko lekara maiM dArzaniko sara,khA bahutasA vavAda kara gayA / kaha to yahI rahA thA ki banArasa meM ekAnta meM baiThakara bhaktimagna hone kI bar3I lAlasA thI, pratidina ghaMToM isI magnatA meM bitAtA thaa| Aja bhI usa saubha gya kI lAlasA hai, AzA hai vaha kabhI pUrI hogI yA kucha dinoM mahInoM yA varSoM ke liya hI use paaskuu| . naukarI lagajAne ke bAda hama donoM bahuta sukhI hue, pitAjI bhI prasanna the / ve do do tIna tIna mahIne meM banArasa AMta the| eka to maeNhagAI, phira AMna jAna kA yaha kharca, isase Arthika taMgI .. mAlUma hone lagI, maiM sau rupayA iTTA karanA cAhatA thA para eka carSa meM bhI na kara sakA isaliye vanArasa kI naukarI chor3a dii| parantu vanArasa chor3ane kA imase bhI. jardasta sagaM kAraNa yA vidyAlaya ke adhiSThAtAjI, unana batAyA ki anya brAhmaNa adhyApakoM

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sivanI meM kucha nAha [ 115 * kI taraha Apa kAma na kareM, kucha adhika kareM / agara yaha anurodhaH prema kA hotA taba to koI bAta na thI. parantu isa anurodha ke pIche. kucha adhikAra kA z2ora thA, nayA jIvana aura choTI umra hone se. anubhava hIna to thA hI, maiMne, mAna liyA ki isase merA anumAna huA hai isaliye dUsarA sthAna DhU~Dhakara maiMne banArasa kA vidyAlaya chor3a diyA | jaba calane lagA aura vidyArthiyoM ne hindI aura saMskRta meM mAnapatra dine aura roye tatra mujhe mAma huA ki yahA~ maiM samavayaska vidyArthiyoM kI bhakti pAkara sobhAgyazAlI thA / yaha: sthAna chor3akara acchA nahIM kiyA para yaha svajJAna vairAgya bahuta dera taka na rahA aura banArasa chor3a diyA | 4 (16) sivanI meM kucha mAha sivanI ko agara maiM apanI surakatA kI janmabhUmi kahU~ to isameM kucha atizayokti na hogI, sivanI meM kucha mahIne hI rahA, vidyA vRddhi ke liye yahAM koI anukUla avasara na thA phira bhI kitAba chor3akara sIdhe jagana ko par3hane kA bIjAro raNa yahIM huA / jaba meM vinI pahuMcA taba merI umra vIsa varSa kucha mAha thI, muche nahIM thIM, yadya yadvA vidyAlaya sarIkhe vidyAlaya meM eka varSa adhyApakI kara cukA thA phira bhI dekhane meM lar3akA sA hI ugatA thA isaliye jabataka vizeSa samparka meM nahIM AyA loga mujhe dekhakara bar3e nirAza hara ki yaha lar3akA kyA par3hAyA ! eka sajjana, jo samAja meM bahuta pratiSThita aura cate -purje the jinheM meM sivanI pAThazAlA kA kartA ca yA adhikArI samajhatA thA,

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116] : Atma-kathA mere sAtha aisA. vyavahAra karane lage jaise kisI mAmUlI klarka se kiyaa| jAtA hai| paMDitajI, z2arA pAnI to pilAo amuka jagaha se merA amuka kAgaz2a to le Ao Adi pharmAna chor3ane lge| mana .. hI mana khinna hokara bhI avasara kI tAka meM unakI AjJA bajAtA rahA / maiM yaha socane lagA ki agara abhI phaTakAra dUMgA to paira ho jAyagA aura ekabhara vaira ho jAne para manuSya vairI ke guNoM ko bhI doSa banAtA hai isaliye jabataka yogyatA dikhAna kA avasara nahIM AyA tabataka cupa hI rahanA cAhiye / yogyatA dikhAne ke bAda agara dhana ke Age vidvattA kA apamAna hogA. taba dekhA jAyagA / anta meM aisA hI huA / eka do vyAkhyAna hone . aura do cAra dina zAstra par3hane ke bAda mere viSaya. meM logoM ke vicAra badala gye| idhara maiMne niyamalA kara liyA ki kisI dhanavAna ke ghara koI khAsa AvazyakatA ke binA na jAUMgA / eka to yoMhI vinA 'kAma ke milane julane kI Adata kama thI aura phira dhanavAnoM se maiM khAsakara na milatA thaa| dharmazAstra kI dRSTi se / mareM kucha aise vicAra tha ki' hiMsA jhUTha caurI kuzIla kI taraha parigraha ko bhI jaina-zAstroM meM pApa batAyA hai / aba agara parigraha hone ke kAraNa kisI ko pApI nahIM kaha sakate to kama se kama usakA hameM Adara to na karanA caahiye| dhanase kisI kA Adara karanA to jainAva meM doSa lagAnA hai| . . . . . . . .. .. . .. . - usa samaya maiM parigraha kI jo paribhASA samajhatA thA vaha Aja nahIM mAnatA- phira bhI dhanavAnoM ke viSaya meM usa samaya ke vicAroM kI chApa Aja bhI dila para hai| vyavahAratA ke kAraNa

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sivanI meM kucha mAha [117 Aja dhanavAnoM kA anAdara nahIM karatA, eka gRhastha ke samAna unakA Adara karatA hUM aura sAmAjika kAryoM meM unase sahayoga kI AzA ho to unakA vizeSa Adara bhI karatA hUM phira bhI agara kisI dhanavAna kA mujhase anAdara hojAya yA Adara meM kamI raha jAya to dila ko aisI coTa nahIM pahu~catI jaisI ki vartamAna vyavahAra ke anusAra pahu~canA caahiye| sampatti kA adhika Adara na karane kA bhAva jainazAstroM ne to diyA hI thA para usa choTe se jIvana meM jo thor3A bahuta anubhava huA thA usase dhana kI mahattA kA patA lagajAne para bhI dhanavAna kI mahattA kA patA na lagA thA balki kucha ghRNA hI paidA huI thii| kyoMki dhanavAna hone ke mukhya rAste do hI maiMne dekhe ye-kAnUna kI mAra se bacakara luTArU bananA yA aise hI kisI luTArU ke beTe yA anucara bananA / ina donoM meM jIvana kI vAstavika mahattA yA pavitratA nahIM hai| bar3e bar3e dhanavAna kaise banate hai ? isakA eka choTAsA anubhava sivanI meM hI mujhe huA / sivanI meM marAThI sAr3iyoM pahinane kA riyAz2a thA, merI panI kI icchA bhI tIna thI isaliye pahile mahIne meM cetana ke jaba pacAsa rupaye mile taba maiM sAr3I kharIdane ke liye eka jaina zrImAna ke yahA~ phuNcaa| unane eka sAr3I batalAI aura kahA ki hamArI kharIda caudaha rupaye kI hai, rivAja ke anusAra phI rupayA ATha AnA naphA, isa prakAra ipIsa rupaye hue, para Apa to apane hI hai Apase adhika naphA gayA liyA jAya ? Apase sita vIsa rupaye diiduuNgaa|

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: 118] Atma kathA niHsandeha unakI spaSTavAditA AdaraNIya zrI para isa naphebAjI se maiM aisA kSubdha huA ki unakI spaSTavAditA kI mai caMdra na kara sakA / yaha to pIche mAlUma huA ki sAr3I qharIdane meM isa spaSTavAditA kI vRdra karatA tabhI lAbha meM rahatA / atra aba maiM eka aura ghaniSTa mitra ke yahA~ pahu~cA unane eka aura bar3hiyA sAr3I batalAI merI patnI ko vaha adhika pasanda AI, kImata ke viSaya meM jaba bAtacIta huI taba unane kahA- hamArI kharIdI 28 ) kI hai, Apase cyA naphA le, Apa qharIda ke dAma hI de dIjiye | maiMne 29) nikAla kara diye| unane kahA caudaha AnA abhI haiM nahIM, Apa 28) hI de dIjiye, hamArI itanI bar3I dukAna hai, agara Apa sargakha vidvAnoM se do Ane kA ghATA hI uThA liyA taba bhI kucha hAni na hogii| yaha kahakara unane eka rupayA : vApisa kara diyA / maiMne mana meM kahA ise kahate haiM sajjanatA, se kahate haiM guNAnurAga | parantu pIche mAlUma huA ki kapar3e kI dukAnoM meM pratyeka kapar3e para eka niyata aMka adhika likhakara khakhA jAtA : hai / unakI dUkAna meM 10) adhika likhane kA rivAz2a thA, vAstava meM usa sAr3I kI kharIda 18 ) thI, isa prakAra phI saikar3A 56 ) ke hisAba se naphA lene para bhI do ane chor3ane kA jo yaza * unane lUTa liyA thA aura mere Upara jo ahasAna kA bojha lAda diyA thA usase maiM karAhane lagA | maiMne kisI se kahA to kucha nahIM; * yaha koI kAnUnI jurma to thA hI nahIM, para nane kahA ye loga ve hI haiM jo bilkula nagna digambara mahAtmAoM ke darzana kiye binA bhojana nahIM karate / jaina tIrthaMkara, jo niSparigrahatA kI carama sImA: kahe jA

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sivanI meM kucha mAha [ 119 sakate haiM, unake ye paramopAsaka haiM, jo apane vyavahAra se isa bAta kI ghoSaNA karate rahate haiM ki jagata meM agara kisI dharma ko sthAna nahIM hai to vaha jaina-dharma hai / " loga kaheMge 'uha aisA to calatA hI hai yaha to vyavahAra hai, hara duvAna meM aura hara ghara meM aisA hotA hai, aisI roz2amarrA kI ' sAdhAraNa ghaTanAoM para tatvajJatA ke gole chor3anA eka taraha kA pAgalapana hai" isameM sandeha nahIM ki vaha merA pAgalapana thA kyoMki vyavahAra ke bahuta Age cale jAnA bhI bahuta pIche raha jAne ke samAna pAgalapana hai / para isameM bhI sandeha nahIM ki jo duniyA isa pAgalapana ko kara rahI hai usane to naraka kI kulpanA ko pratyakSa hI banA diyA hai| loga cAhate haiM ki saba loga hamAre sAtha ImAnadArI aura prema kA vyavahAra kareM para ImAna aura prema kA ve Adara nahIM karate | bar3e AdamI aura bhale AdamI zabda kA artha Aja dhanavAna 1 hai| duniyA kI parvAha nahIM karatI ki dhana tumane kaise pAyA aura usakA tuma kyA upayoga karate ho ?.duniyA kisI bhI taraha se pAye hue dhana kI ur3ata kare aura phira hara eka se ImAna aura prema kI AzA khakhe ye donoM bAteM nahIM ho saktI hama jisakI kImata adhika kareMge usI kI tarapha lAga bage / hama dhana kA sammAna adhika karate hai isaliye sau sau pApa karake bhI manuSya usI tarapha bar3hatA hai / phira cAhe digambarasya kApUjArI jaina ho cAhe maga AcAranAstika ho, donoM me koI antara nahIM rahanAtA | dhanavAna meM koI guNa ho, yuga ho to una kA bhI Adara. na karanA cAhiye yaha bAta nahIM hai, matalaba nahIM hai ki dhanI

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120 ] . AtmakathA hone se hI Adara na honA cAhiye / dhanavAna ke guNa aura ImAna hI AdaraNIya haiN| khaira, jaina-zAstroM ne parigraha ke pApa ke viSaya meM jo vicAra diye the unakA samarthana vyavahAra ke ina tuccha anubhavoM ne bhI kiyA / dhanakI mahattA se mukta to maiM Aja bhI apane ko nahIM banA pAyA hU~, usa dina to kyA vanA pAtA phira bhI ina vicAroM kA qhayAla vyavahAra meM banA rahatA thA / isaliye yaha niyama vanAliyA thA ki kisI bar3I z2arUrata ke vinA kisI dhanavAna ke yahA~ na jAnA / hAM, jisase qhAsa mitratA ho yA saMsthA ke kArya se jAnA par3atA ho to bAta dUsarI hai| khaira, sAdhAraNataH sanmAna ke sAtha sivanI meM mere dina kaTane lge| jina mahAzayane sAdhAraNa klarka ke samAna mujhase kAma lenI cAhA thA ve bhI samajhagaye aura Adara karane lge| sudhArakatA kA bIjAropaNa . abhI taka maiM sAdhAraNataH purAne vicAroM kA hI AdamI thA, sivanI kA vAtAvaraNa bhI bilakula purAne vicAroM ke anukUla thaa| banArasa meM to meM vidhavA-vivAha ke virodha meM lekha bhI likha cukA thA / merI zikSA aura saMgati aisI thI ki sudhArakatA kA bIjAropaNa usameM azakya sA hI thA, aMgrejI par3hA nahIM, vicArakoM ke saMsarga meM rahA nahIM, hindI sAhitya usa samaya itanA samRddha nahIM thA aura jo kucha thA bhI vaha bhI maiMne dekhA nahIM thA, phira bhI sthitipAlakoM ke gar3ha meM rahakara mujhameM sudhArakatA kA AvirbhAva huA, kaMsa ke kArAgAra meM zrIkRSNa kA, hiraNyakazipu ke yahA~ pralhAda kA /

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sivanI meM kucha mahA 121 ' janma kaise huA ye Azcarya isa Azcarya ke Age phIke par3ajAte haiM ki mujhameM sudhArakatA kaise AI ? nimitta bahuta hI sAdhAraNa thA, esA mAlUma hotA hai ki sudhArakatA mujhe saubhAgyazAlI banAne ke liye koI vahAnA hI DhU~Dha rahI thI, athavA bhakta devI ko nahIM, devI bhakta ko DhU~Dha rahI thii| vAta yoM huI-eka dina maiM sAgAra-dharmAmRta par3hA rahA thA usameM kanyAdAna kA prakaraNa nikalA nistArakottamAyAtha madhyamAya sadharmaNe / yahA~ sAdharmI ko kanyA dene kA vidhAna thA / yadyapi yaha zloka .. maiM banArasa meM bhI par3hA cukA thA para taba taka kAlalabdhi hI nahIM AI thI yA satyezvara kI kRpA nahIM huI thI yA asaMkhya janmoM kA saJcita puNya udayonmukha nahIM huA thA isaliye tava taka mujhe isa zloka meM kucha na sUjhA / usadina yaha bAta khaTakI ki sAdharmI ko kanyA dene kA vidhAna kyoM hai, sajAti ko kyoM nahIM ? pracalita rIti ke anusAra to yahA~ 'sadharmaNe ke samAna . 'sajAtaye' pada DAlanA bhI z2arUrI thA / . bahuta hI mAmUlI prazna thA para isa prazna ne mere jIvana meM uthalaputhala macAdI / par3hAkara maiM AyA to rAta bhara nIMda nahIM aaii| uparyukta padyAMza to nimittamAtra thA, merI vicAra-dhArA to cAroM tarapha phailI / vivAha kA dharma se kyA sambandha hai ? dhArmika dRSTi se nara aura nArI meM kyA bheda hai, kisI kArya ko puNya yA pApa kahate samaya use kisa kasauTI para kasanA cAhiye ? ina vicAroM meM maiM rAtabhara

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122). Atma kathA jAgA / kabhI leTa jAtA thA, kabhI Tahalane lagatA thA, kabhI vattI. - teja karake panne palaTane . lagatA thA kabhI vattI dhImI karaka socane lagatA thaa| zAntA (merI patnI) maje meM so rahI thI aura mere hRdaya meM tUphAna uTha rahA thA yA yoM kahanA cAhiye ki sudhArakatA kI prasavapIr3A ho rahI thii| mAlUma nahIM vaha kaunasI tithi aura tArIkha thI para mere jIvana kI saba se adhika mahattvapUrNa rAtri vahI thI usadina mere AtmA kA janma huA thA / usake pahile to sirpha zarIra kA hI janma thaa| rAtabhara vicAra karane ke bAda maiMne jo nirNaya kiyA usakA sAra yaha hai "dharma kA jAtiyA~ti se koI sambandha nahIM, vijAtIyavivAha kA jainadharma samarthana karatA hai, pApa rivAja ke tAr3ane meM nahIM saMkleza ke pariNAmoM meM hai, vijAtIya-vivAha se saMklezatA kA koI sambandha nahIM, vivAha to eka prakAra kA rivAz2a hai jaisI suvidhA ho vaisA rivAz2a banAnA cAhiye, vidhavAvivAha kA rivAz2a bhI pApa nahIM hai jaisa. puruSa. ko apanA dUsarA vivAha karane meM vizeSa sklaza nahIM, vaise nArI ko bhI nahIM, isaliye vidhavA vivAha bhI vidhura vivAha ke samAna hai Adi" - isa prakAra rAtabhara meM maiM vijAtIya vivAha aura vidhavA vivAha kA samarthaka bana gayA / itanA hI nahIM unake samarthana ke liye marA dRSTikoNa bhI svatantra ho gayA / abhI taka maiM zAstroM ke jariye duniyA . par3hatA thA usadina se.apanI A~kha (viveka) se. duniNa par3hanA siiggH| '. Aja to jana-samAja kA sAdhAraNa par3hA likhA AdamI bhI:. ina bAtoM ko jAnatA hai, ina bIsa varSoM meM kAphI. parivartana ho. myAH;

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sivanI meM kucha mAha [ 123 hai aba ye bAteM mAmUlI haiM, para usa z2amAne meM jaina samAja meM ye bAteM thIM / pahile bhI kisI vidvAna ke dhyAna meM AIM hoMgI para samAja * meM vicAroM kA pracalana nahIM thA / vidhavA vivAha kI AvAz2a uThI thI para usakA mujhe patA nahIM thA aura jaba patA lagA taba yaha antara mAlUma huA ki vaha samaya kI duhAI dekara uThI thI para maiM vidhavA-vivAha para varmAnukUtratA kI chApa laganA cAhatA thA / itanA hI nahIM brahmacaryANutrana ke sAmUhika pracAra ke liye vidhavA-vivAha ko Avazyaka samajhatA thA / jaina samAja ke liye ye satra vicAra bahuta kucha naye ora krAntikArI the / . basa, jyoM hI maiM apane vicAroM para sthira huA ki dhIre dhIre inakA pracAra zurU kara diyaa| hA~ eka niyama maiMne prAyaH jIvanabhara nicAhA hai ki par3hAte samaya apane sudhAraka vicAroM kA jinheM adhikariyoM ke sAmane chupAne kI z2arUrata ho maiMne kabhI klAsa meM pracAra nahIM kiyA / agara kisI jijJAsu vidyArthI ne mere sudhAraka vicAroM ke viSaya meM pUchA to usase yahI kahA ki par3hAI kA samaya vati jAne para mere ghara para yA aura kahIM isa viSaya meM carcA karo / sivanI meM maiMne isa nIti kA prAraMbha kiyA aura indora bambaI meM bhI isakA pAlana kiyaa| mere ghara para ye saba carcAe~ hone lgii| kucha vayaska vidyArthI 'tathA anya gRhastha bhI isa carcA meM bhAga lene lage / ' kucha navajavAnI kA joza hone se adhikAriyoM keH ruSTa hone kI parvAha kama, phira " kucha isa bAta kA ghamaMDa ki maiM eka vidvAna hU~, dhArmika mAmaloM meM 3

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124 ] Atma-kathA samAja ko mujha se kucha kahane kA kyA adhikAra hai, aura kucha yaha bhramapUrNa vizvAsa ki jaba maiM vijAtIya vivAha vidhavA vivAha ko jainadharma ke anukUla siddha kara dUMgA taba samAja ko bhI merI bAta mAnanA hI pdd'egii| ina tIna kAraNoM se maiM kucha nirbhaya thA / bAta yaha hai ki apanI anubhava-hInatA yA bholepana ke kAraNa samAja kI vicArakatA para maiM z2arUrata se jyAdA vizvAsa rakhatA thA-saba ko apane samAna nippakSa samajhatA thA / isaliye apane vicAroM ko binA kisI vizeSa saMkoca ke logoM se kahane lgaa| para kucha dina bAda mujhe aisA mAlUma huA ki apane ye vicAra vidvAnoM ke sAmane rakhanA cAhiye / yA to ve isakA ThIka uttara deMge jisase maiM apane vicAra badala lUMgA athavA ve agara ThIka ThIka uttara na de pAyeMge to mere vicAra mAnaleMge / apanI anubhavahInatA ke kAraNa maiM paMDitoM ko bhI niHpakSatA aura vicArakatA ke viSaya meM pUrA ImAnadAra samajhatA thA / .. maiMne do bar3e bar3e vidvAnoM ke pAsa lambe lambe patra likhe jisa meM vistAra ke sAtha vidhavA-vivAha kA samarthana thA aura vivAhasaMsthA ke viSaya meM apanA vyApaka dRSTikoNa batalAyA thaa| eka haphte meM donoM ke uttara Aye / eka ne likhA thA "maiMne ina bAtoM para vicAra nahIM kiyA maiM to tumase yahI kahUMgA ki ina jhaMjhaToM meM na par3o, AtmazAnti ke liye dharmagranthoM kA svAdhyAya karo Adi" dUsare ne jarA roSa batAyA thA aura isaprakAra ke vicAroM se vidvattA / ko kalaMkita na karane kA upadeza diyA thaa| donoM hI uttaroM se

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sivanI meM kucha mAha [ 125. . mujhe asantoSa huA / aura isase kheda aura Azcarya bhI huA ki unane na to merI bAtoM kA uttara diyA na merI bAteM mAnIM / maiMne phira patra likhA ki maiM jaina hUM, samAja kA naukara hUM isaliye Apa mujhe dhamakA sakate haiM aura kadAcit roTI ke liye maiM daba bhI jAUM para agara koI jainetara vidvAna mere sAmane aise hI prazna rakhade to maiM kyA uttara dUM ? Apa koI uttara batAiye, dhamakAne se kAma na calegA / para DaoNTa-DapaTa ke sivAya koI uttara na milA / isakA pariNAma yaha huA ki mujhe apane vicAroM para dRr3ha vizvAsa hogayA / itanA hI nahIM apanI vicArakatA para bhI dRr3ha vizvAsa hogayA / isa prakAra kA utsAha bhI AyA ki maiM kisI viSaya meM svataMtra vicAra bhI kara sakatA hUM aura ve vicAra itane maz2abUta bhI ho sakate haiM ki bar3e bar3e vidvAna bhI unheM na kATa sakeM / una dinoM siMghaI. ku~varasenajI aura sva. zrI cainasukhajI chAvar3A mere pAsa rAjavArtika kA svAdhyAya karate the / eka dina unane kahA ki " paM. raghunAthadAsajI (jainagaz2aTa ke sampAdaka) kI ciTThI AI hai jisa meM unane likhA hai ki sivanI ke yuvakoM meM Apa vidhavAvivAha ke vicAra phailAte haiM so yaha bAta kyA ThIka hai ?" yaha kahakara unane paM. raghunAthadAsajI kI ciTThI bhI dikhAI aura phiraM kahA, "dekhiye, ApakI umra choTI hai phira bhI jaba Apa hameM rAja.: vArtika par3hAte haiM taba hama Apako guru hI mAnate haiM jaba guru hI aise vicAroM meM baha jAyagA taba ziSyoM kI kyA dazA A hogI ?" mere vicAroM eka kSaNabhara maiM ghabarAyA, kyoMki itanI jaldI kA itanA kAMDa bana jAyagA isakI mujhe svapnameM bhI AzA na thI,

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126] . Atma-kathA phira samhalakara kahA, "merA dhyeya vicAra hai-pracAra nahIM, isa viSaya meM vidvAnoM se jo maiMne patra-vyavahAra kiyA hai aura samajhadAroM se je carcA kI hai usakA matalaba sirpha itanA hI hai ki agara koI apane se aise prazna pUche to usako acche se acchA uttara kyA diyA jAya ? . donoM mahAnubhAva bole-hAM, hAM, isa meM koI harja nahIM, hama to sirpha pracAra hI kI bAta kaha rahe haiN| maiMne svIkAra kiyA ki isakA pracAra na kruuNgaa| isa prakAra una donoM ke vinIta vyavahAra ne athavA caturAI ne mujhe jhukAliyA / agara unana yaha samajhakara kucha kaThoratA dikhAI hAtI ki yaha to hamArA naukara hai, to merA ahaMkAra garna par3A hotA 'acchA, ye dhanavAna hone ke kAraNa mujhe davAte haiM, meM bhIkha mAMgUgA, bhUkhe marUMgA para inakI dhamakI meM na AUMgA, avazya pracAra karU~gA, isa prakAra vidhavA-vivAha kA jo Andolana maiMne usa ghaTanAke nava dasa varSa bAda zurU kiyA vaha tabhI zurU hogayA hotaa| vidhavAvivAha ke viSaya meM ThaMDA ho jAne para bhI maiM vijAtIya vivAha ke pracAra meM kucha udyoga karatA hI rahA / una dinoM maiMne eka mahAkAvya likhane kA vicAra kiyA thA aura eka jaina kathAnaka ke AdhAra para 'kSatriya ratna' kAvya likhanA zurU kara diyA thA / vaha hAtharasa se nikalane vAle jaina-mArtaNDa meM nikalA karatA thA / usI meM maiMne prakaraNa lAkara jAtipA~ti tor3ane ke viSaya meM kAphI padya likhe| kAvya kAfI sundara thA isaliye sampAdaka ne prakAzita karane se inakAra to na kiyA para TippaNI likhI ki aise mahAn aura sundara

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sivanI meM kucha mAha [127 kAvya meM yaha vivAdagrasta viSaya na lAyA jAtA to . ThIka thaa| maiMne isa viSaya meM carcA karane kI cunautI dI para koI Age nahIM aayaa| maiM bhI apanI kAvyasAdhanA meM lagArahA isa prakAraH vijAtIya-vivAha __ kA bhI Andolana na uThA pAyA / / . 'kSatriya-ratna' eka bIsa sarga kA mahAkAvya bananevAlA thA isameM maiMne zrRMgAra vairAgya karuNA vIra bhakti vIbhatsa Adi rasoM kA varNana, naitika upadeza, kartRtvavAda, karmavAda Adi . darzanazAstra, vana, nagara bhavana Adi kA varNana, vistAra se kiyA thA, asahayoga yuga AjAne se antarrASTrIya vyApAra-nIti aura satyAgraha aura asahayoga ke nAma bhI lAdiye the| Aja bIsa varSa bAda bhI * vaha racanA bahuta zithila nahIM mAlUma hotI phira bhI vaha kAvya maiMne bIca meM hI chor3a diyA, karIba navasau padya yA bAraha sarga likha paayaa| kAraNa yaha thA ki isa kAvya ke nAyaka ke ATha vivAha hue the, kAvya jaba zurU kiyA thA taba itanI sudhArakatA nahIM thI bAda meM jaba sudhArakatA panapI aura mujhe zAstroM meM bhI bahupatnItva kI prathA khaTakane lagI taba ATha vivAha vAle isa nAyaka kA kAvya likhanA bhI maiMne banda kara diyA isa prakAra vaha adhuur| kAvya jaina mArtaNDa kI. phAyaloM meM hI raha gayA / 'samyaktvazataka' nAmakA eka kavitAmaya dharmagraMtha bhI maiMne likhA thA vaha bhI jaina-mArtaNDa kI phAyaloM meM hai| isameM jainasampradAya ke anusAra samyagdarzana kA sAGgopAMga varNana hai|| sivanI meM bhI kucha dinoM ke liye dhyAna kA bhUta savAra huA * thA / sivanI ke jaina mandira meM vizAla mUrtiyA~ haiM, eka vizAla

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128 ] Atma-kathA kAya kAlI mUrti ke Age zAma ko dhyAna lagAne kI Adata thI usase bar3I zAnti milatI thI / palaka banda kiye binA ikaTaka adhika se adhika dera taka mUrti ke Age dekhatA rahatA aura ikaTaka dekhate rahane se A~khoM ke Age aMdherA chA jAya taba samajhatA thA ki isa isa aMdhere ke bAda avazya kisI dina koI divyadarzana hogA para java bahuta dina taka koI divya darzana na huA, aMdhere taka hI daur3a rahI tava apane ko nirvala yA abhAgI samajha kara vaha prayatna chor3a diyA / Aja to usa avasthA ko mUr3hatA hI samajhatA hU~ jo dhArmika andhazraddhA ke kAraNa AgaI thI aura jo nyAyatIrtha hone para bhI nahIM chUTI thii| .. sivanI meM koI Arthika asantoSa nahIM thA phira bhI sivanI meM mana na lagA kyoMki banArasa meM sarvArthasiddhi gommaTasAra Adi par3hAtA thA jaba ki sivanI meM sabase UMcI kakSA sAgAra-dharmAmRta kI thI, saba choTe choTe vidyArthI the / banArasa meM jo sanmAna thA vaha yahA~ nahIM thA / sAtha hI vidhavA-vivAha ko lekara jo carcA calI thI usakA anta acchA na AyA isaliye bhI dila kucha khaTTA ho gayA thA. / namratA aura vinaya se hI kyoM na rokA gayA ho para rokA gayA isase abhimAna ko dhakkA lagacukA thA / svecchA se rukagayA hotA to koI bAta nahIM thii| isaliye sivanI chor3ane ke vicAra meM hI thA ki sivanI meM plega kI bImArI AgaI / isaliye do mAha kI chuTTI lekara sivanI chor3a dii| . .

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zAhapura meM [ 129 ... (17) zAhapura meM sivanI se chuTTI lekara jaba calA taba yaha bhI socaliyAM thI ki agara kahIM acchI naukarI lagajAyagI to dUsarI jagaha calA jAUMgA nahIM to sivanI hI lauTa paDUMgA isaliye saba sAmAna le liyA thaa| rAste meM jabalapura meM ThaharA bhI / eka zikSAjItrI bhAI ne yaha Agraha bhI kiyA ki maiM yahA~ ke jaina borDiMga meM dharmAdhyApaka ho jAU~ / jina sajjana ke hAtha meM borDiMga kA kArabAra thA unase' _unane jikra bhI kiyaa| jahA~ maiM ThaharA thA usake sAmane ke makAna meM ve rahate the aura barANDe meM Tahala rahe the| una bhAI ne kahA ki amuka paMDitajI Aye haiM una ko.. jaina borDiMga meM rakhane ke liye . Apa calakara unase kahiye / unane mere pAsa AnA nAmaMjUra kiyA aura kahA-una paMDitajI.kohI yahA~ le aao| " mujhe mAlUma huA ki unheM apane adhikArIpana kA kucha khanAla AgayA hai | maiMne mAna liyA ki yaha to merA apamAna hai, dhana aura adhikAra ke Age isa prakAra vidvattA ko nahIM jhukAyA jA sakatA / unheM mere pAsa Akara anurodha karanA cAhiye thA / maiM naukarI kI bhIkha mA~gane aise nAsamajha logoM ke yahA~ kyoM jAU~ ? merA yaha ghamaMDa kitanA niHsAra aura 'pAgalapana thA, yaha to indora Ane para hI mAlUma huaa| pahile to aise hI svapna the ki eka tarafa se rAjA ArahA ho dUsarI tarafa se brAhmaNa, to rAjA kA kartavya hai ki vaha brAhmaNa ke liye rAstAH chor3a de / maiM vidvAnA hUM: isaliye karma se brAhmaNa hUM isaliye bar3e se.. bar3e zrImAn ke Age merA aisA . ' . yA AA.

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130 ] Atma-kathA hI sammAna honA cAhiye / jJAna puNyotpAdaka hai, dhana puNyotpAdaka nahIM, sirpha puNyaphala hai| yoM to garItra kA lar3akA hone se mujha meM dInatA hI . adhika hai, yaha kRtrima gaurava to brAhmaNoM ke sahavAsa se AgayAM thA / para duniyA kitanI badala gaI hai isa kA anubhava hone para yahI kahanA par3A ki vaha saba pAgalapana hI thaa| Aja to vidvattA lakSmI ke izAre para nAcatI hai| lakSmI rAnI hai, vidvattA nartakI hai / seThoM ko hathiyAne ke liye jaina paMDita jo cApalUsI karate haiM, unake doSoM para jo unekSA karate haiM, kSudra guNoM ko jisa taraha bar3hA bar3hA kara stutigAna karate haiM, seTha loga jisa taraha samAja ko rakhanA cAhate haiM usI taraha rakhane ke liye paMDita loga jo zAstra kI duhAI dete haiM, seThajI nArAja na ho jAya~ isaliye apane vicAga ko dabAkara jo AtmahatyA karate haiM, usako dekhakara yahI kahanA par3atA hai ki lakSmI sarasvatI ko rAnI nartakI kI upamA paristhiti kA pratibimba hI hai| usa meM aucitya bhale hI na ho para vastusthiti yahI hai / . .. . .aba to. yaha bhI socane lagA hUM ki vidvAnoM kA yaha apamAna ucita bhI hai / kyoMki jisa vidvattA ne Atmagaurava, satyabhAkti, sadasadviveka nirbhayatA aura Adarza jIvana nahIM pikhAyA usakA mUlya naTakalA ke sivAya aura kyA ho sakatA hai? jaba usa meM AdhyAtmikatA ke prANa nahIM haiM tatra bhautika vastuoM kI taraha arthazAstra ke niyamAnusAra vaha duniyA ke bAjAra meM vikegii| .

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zAhapura meM . [ 131 khaira, jabalapura meM naukarI na kI aura: chuTTI ke dina kATane ko liye sasurAla ( zAhapura) AyA / yahAM do mAha rahA / barasAta . ke dina the, isaliye vyApAra vahA~ kA DhIlA thA, zAhapura meM jainiyoM kI khAsI vastI hai aura saba eka hI jagaha rahate haiM / kucha zAstrapremI loga bhI haiM / isaliye subaha, madhyAhna aura rAtri meM do do tIna tIna ghaMTe pratidina zAstrAcana hotA thaa.| zrotAoM kA jamaghaTa lagA rahatA thA / zAhapura nivAsI na hone para bhI zAhapura merI janmabhUmi thI , purAne sambandhI bhI the, sasurAla bhI thI / ina saba bAtoMse damoha kI apekSA zAhapura hI adhika priya thaa| do mahIne rahA para docAra dina ko chor3akara zeSa saba dinoM nimantrita hI rahA / mujhe nimantrita karane ke liye logoM meM vivAda taka ho jAtA thA ki itane dina ho gaye abhI taka hamArI vArI nahIM A paaii| dUsare dUsare loga hI nimantraNa karate haiM Adi / cAra cAra pAMca pAMca dina pahile se loga nimantraNa ke dina rijarva karAte the / merI umra kA vaha 21 vA~ varSa thA para bar3e bar3e bUr3he bhI guru kI taraha vinaya karate the / zAhapura ke logoM ko Apasa meM kharAba kharAba gAliyA~ dene kI bar3I burI Adata hai para una dinoM Apasa meM gAlI denA banda--sA ho gayA thaa| Adata ke anusAra kisIke mukhase nikala bhI jAtI to dUsarA turaMta TokatA-kaisA hai re ! suna leMge to kyA kheNge| yadyapi pratidina sAta ATha ghaMTe parizrama karanA par3atA thA--bolanA par3atA thA- aura AmadanI kucha bhI na thI phira bhI mere jIvana meM ve do mahIne jitane Ananda aura nira kulatA se cIte vaisI nirAkulatA na pahile pAI thI na pAche bhI Aja taka pAI hai| ::

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132 ] . Atma-kathA zAhapuravAloM ke isa Adara aura prema kA hI yaha pariNAma. thA ki chuTTI ke dinoM meM maiM prAyaH zAhapura hI rahatA thA / hara dina cAra chaH dina zAstra bA~catA thA / ina prakAra ke pravacanoM meM maiM itanA tallIna ho jAtA thA ki sA~pa bhI AjAya to mujhe patA na lage / eka dina huA bhI aisA hii| garmI ke dinoM meM eka dina meM maMdira ke cabUtare para zAstra vAca rahA thaa| loga itane adhika nahIM Aye the ki unheM mere pIche baiThanA par3atA, sAmane hI 10-15 AdamI baiThe the / pIche thor3I hI dura para eka khaMDaharasA thA, usa meM se eka sAMpa AyA aura na jAne kisa tarapha se merI godI meM A baitthaa| thor3I dera bAda AdamI bahuta ho gaye aura mere cAroM tApha AdamI jama gaye, isaliye sAMpa ko yA to nikalane meM AdamiyoM kA Dara huA yA godI meM baiThanA hI usa acchA lgaa| sAMpa aMgUThe barAbara moTA aura karIba do phuTa lambA thA / para zAstra vAcane kI dhuna meM na to mujhe usakA AnA . mAlUma huA, na usakA vajana | DhAI tIna ghaNTe zAma vAMcane ke . vAda jaba maiM uThane lagA taba geTa para usakA sparza mAlUma huA, dekhA to sAMpa ! maiM ghabarAyA nahIM, dhIre se dhotI hilAI ki vaha nIce gira par3A aura khaMDahara kI tarapha calA gayA / acchA huA ki maiM muniveSI nahIM thA nahIM to isa pravAha ke uThane meM dera na lagatI ki zrImAn dharaNeMdra jI merI divya dhvani sunane Aye the| - zAhapura kA zAstra-vAcana aisI hI tallInatA se hotA thA ki zrotA, vaktA sava sudhabudha bhUla jAte the / ristedArI lopa ho

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zAhapura meM [ 133 gaI thI, aba to zraddhA, Adara aura prema kI vyApaka tathA gaharI jar3a jama gaI thI / . para isa gaharI jar3a ko ukhar3ane meM dera na lagI / jaba maiM . vidhavA-vivAha kA AMdolaka banakara samAja ke sAmane AyA aura zAhapura ke logoM ko yaha mAlUma huA to zraddhA, prema aura vinaya saba ur3a gaye sirfa dikhAU ziSTAcAra [ so bhI kAphI alpa mAtrA me ] raha gayA / sudhAraka banane se mujhe paricaya aura ciMtA kA bojha kAphI sahanA par3A hai, Arthika saMkaTa kA bhI sAmanA karanA par3A hai parantu sabase adhika coTa pahu~cAne kI ceSTA jisa ne kI hai vaha hai yaha upekSA aura nirAdara / samAja meM aise aise vidvAn tyAgI bhI haiM. jinane jarajorU kA sacamuca tyAga kara diyA hai para isa upekSA aura nirAdara kI mAra sahane kI jinameM tAkata nahIM hai isaliye dila kI bAta samAja se nahIM kaha sakate jaba kiM jIvana kI pavitratA aura vAstavika mahattA ke liye upekSA aura nirAdara para vijaya karanA Avazyaka hai| * * * koI AdamI guDa pasaMda nahIM karatA isa liye zakkara khAtA hai to isakA yaha artha nahIM hai ki vaha tyAgI hai isI prakAra kisI ko kaMcana aura kAminI pasaMda nahIM hai, bhaya aura Adara pasaMda hai to yaha sirpha rucibheda huA, tyAga nahIM / tyAga to satya yA vizvahita kI. parvAha karanA hai bhaya aura Adara kI parvAha nahIM / / para yaha hai kAphI kaThina ? jaba manuSya yaha dekhatA hai ki jahAM maiM devatA kI taraha pujatA thA vahA~ aba koI manuSya samajhane

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134 ] Atma-kathA vAlA bhI nahIM rahA, aura sirpha isaliye ki maiM janahita kI dRSTi se kucha apriya satya bolatA hU~, taba vaha ghabarA jAtA hai usakA dila usase pUchane lagatA hai Akhira yaha saba kisa liye / jisa rogI ke liye vaidya marA jAtA hai. usI rogI meM jaba kRnnitA ke bhAva nahIM dikhate balki kRtaghnatA aura ghRNA dikhAI detI hai taba vaidya kI himmata TUTa jAtI hai para pakke cikitsaka aura kacce cikitsaka kI yahIM kasoTI hotI hai / . isa prakAra ke kacce cikitsaka se bhI itanI hAni nahIM hai jitanI dambhI cikitsaka se | cikitsaka rogI kA Nagalapana to na saha sake para phIsa vasUla karanA cAhe taba vaha bhayaMkara ho jAtA hai / phIsa ke liye vaha rogI ke hitAhita ko parvAha kiye binA rogI kI icchA ke anusAra nAcane lagatA hai| isI prakAra nAmakIrtilolupa janasevaka janatA kI icchA ke anusAra nAcane lagate haiM / yahI kAraNa hai ki kaMcana kAminI se virakta puruSoM ko bhI samAja ke sAmane itanA Darapoka pAyA jitanA peTa ke liye viveka kI hatyA karane vAle paMDitoM ko / isase mAlUma hotA hai ki samAja kA yaha zastra kitanA ghAtaka hai ? jahAM loga hameM sira AMkhoM para rakhate rahe hoM, suvAraka hone se agara yaha socanA par3e ki vahAM jAyeMge to kahAM ThahareMge aura khAne kA intajAma kyA karanA hogA ! taba AdamI isa apamAna se marmAhata ho jAtA hai / samAja itanA apamAna durAcAriyoM aura TaMbhiyoM kA bhI nahIM karatI / para isakA duSpariNAma bhI samAja ko hI bhoganA par3atA hai ki use sacce salAhakAra yA sevaka nahIM miLate, milate haiM to samAja lAbha nahIM uThA pAtI /

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zAhapura meM _ [135 sudhAraka hone se zAhapura hI mere liye aisA badalA itanI ___ hI bAta nahIM hai, jaina samAja ke bIsoM nagara haiM jahA~ isa parivartita paristhiti kA sAmanA thor3I bahuta mAtrAmeM mujhe karanA par3A hai, Aja bhI karanA par3atA hai yA maukA Ane para karanA par3e para ye aura isase bhI bar3I bar3I bAteM mere liye itanI sAdhAraNa ho gaI haiM ki 'una para dhyAna dene bailUM to jInA dUbhara ho jAya / socatA hUM duniyA ne lokottara mahApuruSoM ko bhI isI taraha aura isase bhI burI taraha itanA satAyA hai ki mujha sarIkhe tuccha vyAkta ke sAtha jo vyavahAra kiyA hai vaha usakI dayAlutA hI hai athavA usameM nirdayatA kI apekSA dayA kA aMza hI adhika hai| . rAjanIti-bahAdura bhI sAmAjika sudhAra meM mauke para khisakate dekhe jAte haiM isakA kAraNa yaha hai ki rAjanIti kI apekSA sAmAjika krAnti meM manovala kI adhika AvazyakatA hotI hai / isake cAra kAraNa haiM.-1 rAjanIti meM rAjadaMDa kA Dara hai para janatA kI tarapha se pUjA milatA hai samAjakrAnti meM ghara bAhara saba jagaha dhikkAra hI dhikAra hai| --rAjanIti bAjAra hai aura samAjanIti ghara / rAjanIti ke nAma para kiye gaye rUdiviruddha kAryoM para loga kama dhyAna dete haiM para samAja ke nAma para kiye gaye rUdiviruddha kAryoM se loga pIsa DAlanA cAhate haiM / jaise bAjAra meM koI nahIM pUchatA ki tumane. kise saudA beMcA, kisa ke sAtha sAjhA kiyA, kisake sAtha khAne kA nAtA jor3A para ghara meM saba pUchate haiM ki tumane kise roTI khilAI kisake sAtha riztA jor3A Adi, isa prakAra samAjanIti para janatA kI vakra dRSTi adhika rahatI hai / 3-rAjanIti meM lauTane

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1.36 ] Atma-kathA kI guMjAyaza adhika hai, samAjanIti meM kama / kala Apa hiMsaka krAntikArI the, jela bhI ho Aye the Aja ahiMsaka bana sakate haiM / jisa sarakAra se lar3e the usI ke sanmAnAspada bana sakate haiM, aMga bana sakate haiM, para ekabAra sAmAjika krAnti kI, vijAtIya vivAha, vidhavAvivAha kiyA ki puzta dara puzta ke liye alaga ho gaye / mahApralaya ke sivAya lauTane kA koI mArga nahIM / 4- rAjanIti nagada puNya hai, ekAdha vAra jela kATA ki kauMsila, asembalI, DisTrikTa vorDa, myunyusapaliTI Adi meM siMhAsana rijarva hone lagate haiM yA milate haiM, para samAja - nIti meM itanA hI lAbha hai ki marane ke bAda kadAcit tumhArI kabra para yA citA para kucha loga do A~sa car3hAveM, jinheM tuma dekha nahIM sakate, hA~, unakI AzA meM Aja tuma jInA cAhIM to jI sakate ho / isa prakAra sAmAjika krAnti kA mArga bar3A kaThina hai / isa deza meM aneka rAjyakrAntiyA~ ho gaIM para samAja karIva kIva jyoM kA tyoM haiM / qhaira, mujhe to AtmakathA kahanA hai / vaha eka to yoMhI tuccha aura niHsAra hai usa meM aisI carcA ke patthara DAla dene se vaha aura bhI aruci-kara ho jAyagI / hAM, to bAta yaha kaharahA. thA ki zAhapura ke ve dina bhale the / para jIvanabhara zAhapuravAsiyoM thI, kahIM na pUrI hone para ke sAdara nimantraNoM para to gujara ho nahIM sakatI kahIM naukarI DhU~r3hanA jarUrI thA / niyamAnusAra chuTTI mujhe sivanI lauTa jAnA cAhiye thA para sivanI jAne ko jI nahIM, cAharahA thA / itane meM sammedazikhara para zAstravAcana Adi ke .

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zahApura meM [137 liye naukarI kA eka vijJApana par3hane meM AyA / mAsika vetana thA 100) / maiM lubhAyA / bar3I * yogyatA se patravyavahAra kiyA apanI yogyatA kA choTA-sA itihAsa likha mArA, para uttara AyA to usameM likhA thA ki hameM Apa sarIkhe yogya vidvAna kI bar3I jarUrata haiM para kheda hai ApakI umra sirpha 21 varSa hai jaba ki hameM kama se kama 35 varSa kA AdamI cAhiye / . , . , yogyatA to kisI taraha khIMcatAna kara bar3hAI jA sakatI thI ra umra ko kaise khIMcatA taantaa| lihAjA apanAsA mu~ha lekara raha gyaa| itane meM eka mitrane kahA--indora meM dharmAdhyApaka kI jagaha khAlI hai, Apa vahA~ kyoM nahIM cale jAte ? maiMne patra likha diyA / 55) mahInA aura rahane ko makAna ke sAtha naukarI mila gaI / yahA~ mere purAne sahapAThI aura mitra bhI the| livanIvAloM ko jaba mAlUma huA to mujhe likhA, adhikAriyoM para jora DAlA ki hamArA paMDita tumane kyoM le liyA ? maiMne unako likhA ki paMDita koI dAsadAsI yA. jAnavara nahIM hai ki koI kisI se lele / sAtha hI yaha bhI likhA ki sivanIvAloM ne pAMDitya kA pUrA sanmAna nahIM kiyA / Apane amuka jagaha sanmAna nahIM kiyA aura amuka ne tava sanmAna nahIM kiyA Adi / pAMDitya ke gaurava kI rakSA ke nAma para jhUThe ahaMkAra ke kAraNa merA vaha patravyavahAra itanA kaTu ho gayA thA ki use nAdAnI aura asabhyatA kahA jA sakatA hai / isakA daNDa bhI mujhe lage hAtha mila gayA kyoMki sivanI meM jina ghaTanAoM ko maiMne apanA apamAna samajhA thA vaisI ghaTanAe~ indora meM sanmAna samajhI jAtI thiiN| .. : . . . . . .

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8 138 ] Atma-kathA (18) indora meM indora ke chaH varSa mere vikAsa ke dina haiN| sivanI meM saba purAne vicAra ke loga the para vahIM sudhArakatA kA vIjAropaNa huaa| indora sudharakatA meM kadAcit sivanI se bhI pIche thA, mere saba sahayogI purAne vicAroM ke paMDita the phira bhI Azcarya hai ki. koI ajJAta zakti sivanI meM boyegaye bIjako indora meM pAnI de dekara panapAtI rahI / khaira, sudhArakatA ke viSaya meM kucha kahUM isake pahile indorI-jIvana kI anya bAtoM kI khataunI kara lenA ThIka hogaa| indora meM Akara mujhe apanI aura paMDitoM kI sthiti kA ThIka ThIka jJAna huA / abhI taka mujhe satayuga ke ve hI svapna Ate the jaba var3A se bar3A dhanavAna aura cakravartI samrATa taka vidvAna ke sanmAna meM khar3A ho jAtA thA aura una ke ghara jAne meM saMkoca nahIM karatA thA aura apane ghara bulAne meM saubhAgya samajhatA thA / para indora meM Akara mujhe mAlUma huA ki duniyA . aisI nahIM hai| yahA~ rupayoM kI giDDI kI U~cAI se AdamI kI U~cAI mApI jAtI hai| para yaha bAta merI prakRti ke viruddha thI isaliye sarkasa ke zera kI taraha paristhiti dekhakara tamAzA dikhAtA thA, apamAna bhI sahatA thA para yaha saba utanA hI, jitane ke liye vivaza honA par3atA, anyathA mana to g2arjatA hI rahatA thaa| para garjanA niSphala thI isa liye usane mujhe ekAntapriya banA diyA thaa| ekAntapriyatA kucha to svabhAva meM thI kucha paristhiti ne

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indora meM [ 139 panapakara jIvana kA kAphI hissA sAtha diyA isa prakAra usane ghera liyA / mere jIvana ke vikAsa ke liye yaha jarUrI bhI huA / vidhiko gati ! yadyapi mere jIvanameM uchalanA-kUdanA - ha~sanA, khUba vinoda karanA Adi saba kucha thA para ina sabakA kSetra sAtha ke kAryakartAoM taka hI rahA / adhikArIvarga tathA samAja ke logoM se to dUra rahane kI vRtti hI rahI / isI ekAMtapriyatA meM mujhe apane abhimAna kI rakSA mAlUma hotI thI / paristhitiyoM ne Thoka pITakara kAphI ThikAne lA diyA thA isaliye abhimAna kA garjana 'banda-sA hI ho gayA thA para vaha marA nahIM thA, ekAMtapriyatA yA asaMgharSa nIti ke kAraNa so gayA thaa| jo coTeM roz2amarrA kI thIM aura sAdhAraNa thIM unameM to vaha vizeSa nahIM jAgatA thA para koI vizeSa Thokara lagate hI vaha kUdane lagatA thA / jaise relagAr3I kI gar3agar3AhaTa kucha sthAyI hone se nahIM DAlatI kiMtu apane ko lakSya meM lekara jaba taba apanI nIMda khula jAtI hai, isI prakAra naI bhI hotI thI taba abhimAna jaga par3atA thaa| kabhI kabhI vaha ocitya ke bAhara bhI calA jAtA thA aura nirarthaka yA behUdA bhI ho jAyA karatA thA / nIMda meM bAdhA koI bolatA hai coTa jaba thor3I " eka bAra maiM paryuSaNa meM ne baiThA thA, z2ora se z2ora zAstra gaddI para seTha hukumacanda jI . kehA, z2arA par3ho maine AvAz2a ko aura khiiNcaa| seThajI bole- jarA aura jora se *

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140] Atma-kathA pddh'o| maiMne kucha ruSTa hokara kahA- Apa apane kAnoM ko sa~bhAloge to jarUra suna par3egA yoM cillAne se nahIM sunA jA sakatA / pahilI vAra seThajI ne TokA taba maiMne use eka zrotA kI sUcanA samajhA para dUsare vAra jaba TokA taba samajhA ki yaha . zrotA kI sUcanA nahIM hai adhikArI kA hukma hai| isaliye maiMne Ava dekhA na tAva-phaTakAra diyA / __ . . niHsaMdeha ise zrotAoM ne seThajI kA apamAna samajhA para seThajI ne hoziyArI se kAma liyA aura jaba maiM zAstra-gaddI se uThA to unane mujhe prema se chAtI se lagA liyA / seTha hukumacanda jI meM yaha guNa to hai hI ki ve nirbhayatA kI stuti karate haiN| isI taraha eka dUbharI ghaTanA bhI huii| . . seTha hukumacanda jI ke janmadina kI sabhA jarIvAga vidyAlaya meM kI jAtI thii| vidyAlaya kI saMbhAoM kA meM sthAyI-sA vaktA thA, para usa dina vyAkhyAna dene se maiMne manA kara diyaa| eka dhanI AdamI kI isaliye stuti karanA ki hama umakI saMsthA meM naukarI karate haiM, yaha to vidvattA kA apamAna hai - aisA hI kucha pAgalapana yA ahaMkAra mana meM thA / para anya logoM ne mujhe itanA vivaza kiyA ki mujhe bolanA hI par3A / para bolanA na bolane se bhI burA huA / maiMne kahA-seThajI ne pUrva 'puNya ke udaya se jo lakSmI pAI usakA - unane acchA upayoga kiyA hai aura yaza bhI pAyA hai, para dAna kI sArthakatA dhana dene meM hI nahIM hai kiMtu dhana ..kA : upayoga. acchA se acchA ho isake

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indora meM [ 141 * " udyoga meM hai / miTTI se hI bAga nahIM banatA usake liye catura aura karmaTha mAlI bananA par3atA hai / seThajI ne miTTI kA Dhera diyA hai para mAlI na bane...., Adi / vyAkhyAna se kAphI kSobha huA / eka samAjanetA ne, jo bAhara se Aye hue the, merI vAtoM kA yaha kahakara tIvra virodha kiyA ki aise mahAna vyakti kA aise avasara para apamAna na karanA cAhiye, maiMne ha~sa diyA / seThajI ne kahA-- - mujhe jo sIkha dI gaI hai usake liye maiM AbhArI hU~ / paMDitajI ke (mere) kahane meM koI burAI nahIM hai, dUsare vaktAoM ko paMDitajI ke kahane kA virodha na karanA cAhiye / paMDitajI ne to mere ora saMsthA ke bhale ke liye hI kahA hai| : * * kabhI kabhI to merA abhimAna yoM hI bhar3aka jAtA thA / . * eka bAra vidyAlaya meM adhyApakoM ko kucha sUcanAe~ AIM / khAsa mujha ko lakSya kara ke usameM kucha nahIM thA, sabake liye sUcanAeM thIM. para unheM par3hakara mujhe bar3A burA mAlUma huA / manameM socA ye loga kucha samajhate to haiM hI nahIM dhana aura adhikAra ke bala para vidvAnoM ko yoM hI DA~Ta DapaTa batAyA karate haiM / basa, sAta ATha pejakA eka ciTThA likhakara bAkAyadA oNphisa meM bheja diyA jisa meM thA ki zikSA-praNAlI kyA hotI hai, saMsthA kyA cIz2a hai, * 1 adhikArI ko kisa DhaMgase kAma karanA cAhiye Adi / aMta meM kucha isa DhaMga kA likhA thA ki adhyApakoM ke pAsa sUcanAeM kAphI soca samajha ke bhejanA cAhiye / adhyApaka Dhora nahIM carAte : : * ! : manuSya, carAte haiN|

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142 ] Atma-kathA huA kucha nahIM / adhikArI bhI merI prakRti se paricita ho gaye the isaliye cher3akhAnI kama karate the / aura maiM bhI anubhava - hIna hone ke kAraNa maryAdA se bAhara likha jAtA thA yA vola jAtA thaa| isase itanA mAlUma ho sakatA hai ki maiM kaisA jIva thA aura amuka aMzoM meM abhI bhI hUM / " 3 Aja bhI maiM aise dhanavAnoM ko jAnatA hUM jinase maiMne prema kiyA hai, mitratA rakkhI hai aura unake pojIzana ko kisI bhI taraha dhakkA nahIM lagAyA, para jahAM mujhe yaha mAlUma huA ki dhana ke kAraNa vaha apane ko lokottara vyakti manavAnA cAhatA haiM, vidvattA aura sevakatA kA apamAna karanA cAhatA hai vahIM tanakara khar3A ho gayA hU~ | jainadharma ke aparigrahavAda kA aura chAtrAvasthA meM brAhmaNoM kI saMgati kA mere Upara aisA hI asara par3A hai / yoM vyaktimAtra se merA vyavahAra premapUrNa aura abhimAnazUnya hI rahA hai aura jinako guru samjhA unake sAmane to bilakula jhukA rahA hUM / sAgara pAThazAlA meM maiM apane adhyApakoM kI jUtI uThAne ko saubhAgya samajhatA thA / unakI haraeka sevA karane meM mujhe prasannatA hotI thI aura agara ve kisI kAraNa gAlI deM, apamAna kareM to sira jhukAkara saha lene meM maiM Adamiyata samajhatA thA / * eka bAta aura hai ki svabhAva se mujha meM vinaya ho yA na ho para dInatA avazya hai / dInatA eka doSaH hI hai jo kauTumbika paristhiti ke kAraNa mujha meM AgaI hai isa prakAra dInatA vinaya aura abhimAna tInoM ke mizraNa se maiM eka vicitra' sA jIva *

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Dhod indora meM [ 143 bana gayA hUM / yadyapi isa mizraNa ke doSAMza ko haTAne kI aura guNAMza ko bar3hAne kI koziza karatA para prArambha ke saMskAra nirmUla nahIM kara sakA huuN| adhyayana indora ke jainasamAja ke jIvana meM na mila sakane kA aura sahaja ekAMtapriyatA kA asara yaha huA ki adhyayana kI * gati tez2a ho gaI / vidyAlaya kI lAyabrerI kI fI sadI nabbe pustakeM maiMne par3ha DAlI / rAjanIti, arthazAstra, samAja-zAstra, zAsana-praNAlI, vividha dezoM aura samAjoM ke itihAsa, rAjyakrAMtiyoM ke itihAsa mahApuruSoM ke jIvana-caritra, nATaka, upanyAsa Adi kathA sAhitya bhramaNavRttAnta dArzanika aura vaijJAnika lekha Adi jisa kisI viSaya kI pustaka mujhe milatI thI maiM par3ha DAlatA thA / samAcArapatroM meM loga samAcAra mukhyatA se par3hate haiM para maiM lekhoM ko mukhyatA se par3hatA thA, isakA pariNAma yaha huA ki aMgrejI kA jJAna na hone para bhI merI najara ke sAmane duniyA ghUmane-sI lgii| vicAra aura ciMtana ke dvArA unheM pacAkara apane rUpa meM lAne kI bhI koziza kI isakA yaha pariNAma huA ki virodhI vAtAvaraNa ke rahate hue bhI merI sudhArakatA dina dUnI rAta caugunI panapane lgii| ___ indora meM hI maiMne hiMdI-sAhitya sammelana kI vizArada aura sAhityaratna kI parIkSAeM pAsa kii| saMskRta kI anya parIkSAeM bhI dene kI taiyArI kI thI para asahayoga AMdolana uTha khar3e hone se una parIkSAoM meM nahIM baitthaa| .

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144 ] 28 Atma-kathA rAjanIti meM indora meM maiMne sArvajanika kSetra meM bhI praveza karane kI koziza kI / una dinoM asahayoga kA pravAha cAroM tarapha bahane lagA thA usameM maiM vahA to nahIM para tairA avazya / rAjanIti kA jJAna to khAqa nahIM thA kucha vaktRtva z2arUra thA, lacchedAra bhASA meM dattamandira tathA thiyeTara meM bhASaNa huA karate the / eka sabhA banAkara muhalle muhalle meM bhI bhASaNa karane kA kAryakrapa rakkhA / sarakAra ko kosanA vasa itanI hI rAjanIti samajhatA thA / vaktRtva kA jIvana se bahuta tAlluka hai isa jJAnapara kitanI upekSA zrI yaha bAta isI se mAlUma ho sakatI hai ki bahuta dinoM taka svadezI para vyAkhyAna dene para bhI videzI vastra pahinatA thA / do tIna mahine bAda videzI vastra kA tyAga kiyAriyAsata ke zAsana ke viruddha bhI kAfI Aga ugalanA zurU kara diyA thA hAlA~ki taba taka zAsana ke viSaya meM samajhatA- kucha nahIM thA | vyAkhyAna meM pakar3A na jAUM isaliye indora nareza ko zAsana kI burAiyoM se mukta rakhakara yA thor3I bahuta unakI kabhI tArIpha karake naukarazAhI ko kosatA thA / kaI bAra riyAsata ne mukadamA calAne kA vicAra bhI kiyA para zabdoM kI pakar3a meM na Ane se mukadamA na cala sakA / kucha aise mitra milagaye the jinakA zAsaka varga se kAfI tAlluka thA aura jo mujhe ina bAtoM kI sUcanA kiyA karate the / # : . * usa samaya rAjanIti kA kucha bhI jJAna na thA sirpha gAla bajAnA AtA thA, kisI taraha indora kA prasiddha vaktA bana . . *

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indora meM {145 jAnA lakSya thA so bana gayA thA / rAjanIta agara sIkhI thI. to itanI hI ki asahayoga aura satyAgraha huA ki aMgreja bhAgate bAjAra najara Aye / rAjanaitika balAbala kyA hai isakA jJAna bahuta pIche huA / satyAgraha aura asahayoga ke Andolana deza meM jAgaraNa paidA kara sakate haiM use svataMtra nahIM kara sakate isake liye kucha aura karanA cAhiye yaha mAMdhI-sI bAta. bahuta dinoM bAda smjhaa| sAmAjika sabhAoM meM jAtIya saMbhA meM acchI taraha bhAga lenA bhI yahIM zurU huaa| isake pahile to yoM hI tamAzabInasA banakara paravAra-sabhA meM gayA thA / indora Akara paravArabandhu kA sampAdaka banA, kaI varSa rahakara aura sabhA ke kAma meM bhAga lekara yahI samajhA ki ye sabhAeM naye logoM ke netRtva kharIdane kI dukAneM haiM inase bahuta kama kAma ho sakatA hai| arthAt muhara dekara paise kA kAma ho sakatA hai / pratinidhitaMtra kI yA pratinidhitaMtra kA DhoMga karanevAlI sabhAoM se sAmAjika krAnti nahIM ho sktii| eka vAra kI bAta hai ki sonAgira meM paravAra-sabhA kA. adhivezana ho rahA thA / sabhA ke saJcAlaka jainahitaiSI Adi kucha patroM ke bahiSkAra kA prastAva lAnA cAhate the / para maiMne virodha kiyA / merA kahanA thA ki "jaba taka ve patra jainadharma kI. yA mahAvIra svAmI. kI nindA nahIM karate, jainadharma aura jainasamAja ko ..apamAnita karanA unakA dhyeya hai yaha sAbita nahIM

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146 ] Atma-kathA ho jAtA, tabataka hameM unakA bahiSkAra na karanA cAhiye agara unake vicAra yukti-viruddha haiM to hamAre bhItara eka se eka bar3hakara vidvAna haiM unase khaMDana karAnA cAhiye / sambhava hai hamArI yuktiyoM se unakA mata badala jAya yA unakI vAtoM meM sacAI ho to hamArA mata bada jAya donoM tarapha se kalyANa hI kalyANa hai vahiSkAra se to dveSa ghRNA aura haTha hI bar3hegA / ' merI ina bAtoM se aura logoM na bhI sahamati pragaTa kI aura kahA ki voTa kA samaya Ane do hama Apake pakSa meM voTa deMge / para janarala adhivezana para jaba maiMne uparyukta DhaMga se vahiSkAra kA virodha kiyA tatra sabhA ke svayambhUnatAoM kI tarapha se janatAko isa prakAra bhar3akAyA gayA 'bhAiyo, janadharma anAdinidhana hai isako pAkara anantAnanta jIva mokSa gaye haiM, usapara agara thor3A bhI AkramaNa ho to hameM prANa de denA cAhiye phira bahiSkAra kI vAta hI kyA hai ? kyA Apako pavitra jainadharma pyArA nahIM hai ? yadi hai to dharma-drohiyoM kA karo vahiSkAra, hu~ 3 calo, uThAo hAtha, bAlo mahAvIra svAmI kI .... jaya ! I isa prakAra jaya ke sAtha saikar3oM hAtha uTha par3e jaba ki prastAva ke virodha meM arthAta mere pakSa meM sirpha eka hI hAtha uThA, so vaha bhI mujha bevakUpha kA hI thaa| merI bAtoM kA samarthana karane vAle kucha paMDita havA kA rukha dekhakara bhIgI billI se dubakakara baiTha gaye the / sabhAoM kA yaha anubhava mujhe nayA hI thA / kucha samaya vAda to maiM bhI catura ho gayA, paravAra bandhu kA sampAdaka bhI

Page #155
Im indora meM [ 147 / bana gayA jo ki paravAra sabhA kA mukha patra thA / AzA thI ki aba maiM kucha kara sakUMgA para sabhA ke maMtrIjI samAja ke anusAra hI calanA cAhate the eka taraha se ve sudhAra ke virodhI the / maiMne socA agara sabhA ke maMtrIjI badala jAya~ to zAyada sudhAra karane meM subhItA ho / bar3I muzkila se nAgapura adhivezana meM hama loga isa prayatna meM saphala hue / maMtrIjI badala gaye / para kucha hI dina bAda mAlUma ho gayA ki nAganAtha sA~panAtha meM koI antara nahIM hai| choTI choTI tuccha suvidhAoM ke liye siraphor3o karanA aura samajhanA ki hamane bar3I bahAdurI kI hai hama bar3e sudhAraka haiM isake sivAya koI sudhAra nahIM ho sakA / sAdhAraNa suvidhAe~ to loga yoM hI lelete haiM unake liye sabhA banAne kI yA tUla dene kI jarUrata nahIM hai / bAlyAvasthA meM aise vivAhoM meM gayA hUM jina meM ATha ATha pagateM hotI thIM aura mere hI dekhate dekhate paravAra - sabhA aura paravAra bandhu ke binA hI ATha ka badale do paMga raha giiN| bIsoM vivAha ATha sAMka ke badale cAra sAMka meM ho gye| cAra sAMka kA aba koI virodha nahIM hai phira bhI paravAra - sabhA cAra sAMka kA prastAva pAsa nahIM kara sakI / isa prakAra jina bAtoM ko samAja apanA letI hai unake prastAva kI jarUrata nahIM rahatI aura jinako samAja nahIM apanAtI ve saMgaThananAzaka kahalAte haiM isaliye nahIM lAye jAte isa prakAra parivartana ke kSetrameM donoM tarahase sabhAeM nikammI sI rahatI haiM / paravAra sabhA kI sthApanA ke pahile buMdelakhaMDa meM paravAra aura .

Page #156
148] Atma-kathA golApUrva bahuta milakara rahate the, paravAra-sabhA ke bAda unheM mAlUma huA ki eka aisI bhI jagaha hai jahAM hama varAvarI ke nAte se paravAroM ke sAtha nahIM baiTha sakate, isaliye golApUrva sabhA bhI kAyama huii| golApUrvI ko bhI apanI jAtIya sabhA kI AvazyakatA mAlUma huI para golApUrva sabhA nahIM calI, patra bhI nahIM calA isaliye paravAroM ko mana hI mana abhimAna AyA golApUroM meM dInatA aura IrSyA AI, donoM meM jAtIya dveSa paidA huA aura pIche se vaha zikSaNa-saMsthAoM Adi meM bhI ghusagayA / isaprakAra samAja-sudhAra aura sAmAjika krAnti ke liye to ye sabhAeM kucha kara na pAI-hA~, jAtIya dve. avazya paidA kara diyA / anubhava aura tarka ne yaha bAta acchI taraha samajhA dI ki ina sabhAoM ke dvArA alpaphala bahu-vidhAta ke DhaMga kA thor3A bahuta aura kAma bhale hI ho jAya, jAtIya yA sAmpradAyika ahaMkAra kI pUjA ke liye tana dhana kA kucha balidAna bhI ho jAya, kSobha bhI phaila jAya para samAjasudhAra yA Avazyaka sAmAjika krAnti nahIM ho sakatI / maiM ATha dasa varSa paravAra sabhA se cipakA rahA aura paravAra vandhu kA sampAdaka bhI bahuta varSoM taka rahA para usase jo vividha anubhava mile unane mujhe nizcaya karAyA ki ye sabhAeM samAja kI gulAmI ke sthAna haiM-samAja kI sevA ke nhiiN| . paravAra sabhA se dhyAna haTA kara di. jaina pariSat kI tarapha maiMne dhyAna diyaa| yaha pariSat mahAsabhA se haTakara kucha sudhArakoM ne isaliye vanAI thI ki jisase samAja-sudhAra ke kAma kiye jA skeN| usake lakhanaU Adi ke AdhivezanoM meM maiM

Page #157
AN indora meM [149 isIliye gayA . bhii.| meM samajhatA thA ki pariSat sudhArake kAryakrama ko Age bar3hAne ke liye sudhArakoM kA saMgaThana hai / para maiMne dekhA ki pariSat ke saMcAlakoM ko sudhAra aura samAja-sevA kA itanA khyAla nahIM hai jitanA isa bAta kA ki pariSata di. jainiyoM kI pratinidhi sabhA kaise bana jAya ? pratinidhitvakI vedIpara sudhArakatA kA balidAna karake ye pariSat kA kyA kareMge? mahAsabhA se alaga hone kA matalaba hI kyA rhegaa| isakA inheM dhyAna nahIM thaa| vijAtIya vivAha para maiM kAphI Andolana kara cukA thA usa pracaMDa Andolana ke phala svarUpa usakI dharmAnukUlatA samAja hitakaratA vicArakoM meM nirvivAda bana gaI thI, kinhIM kinhIM prAntoM meM usa nItise kAma bhI hone lagA thA phira bhI lakhanaU adhivezana meM pariSat vijAtIya-vivAha kA prastAva pAsa na karasakI, lambe samaya ke ina saba anubhavoM se maiM acchI taraha samajha gayA ki sudhAra yA krAnti karane ka liye eka svatantra saMgaThana kI jarUrata hai, samAja ke bahumata ke AdhAra se krAnti nahIM ho sakatI / samAja pahile tumhAre kAmI dekhatI hai taba mAnatI hai aba tuma samAja kI mAnyatA hone para kAma karo isa prakAra tumhAre kAma dekhe binA samAja kI mAnyatA meM sudhAra na ho aura samAja kI mAnyatA binA tuma kAma na karo taba to pralaya taka bhI kucha na hogaa| taba mujhe samajha meM AyA ki . mahAvIra buddha IsA. muhammada Adi puruSoM ko dhArmika aura sAmAjika krAnti ke liye apanI svatantra dharmasaMsthA yA samAjasaMsthA kyoM banAnA par3I? : bAta yaha hai

Page #158
150 ] Atma-kathA ki yuddha meM, cikitsA meM, sAmAjika aura dhArmika krAnti meM bahumata kucha kAma nahIM detA / bahumata banAne ke liye pahile eka aisA svatantra saMgaThana karanA par3atA hai jise satya kI parvAha hotI hai bahumata kI nhiiN| sattA ko niyaMtrita rakhane ke liye pratinidhi saMsthA kI jarUrata hai, yuddha aura krAnti ke liye to eka taraha ke AdamiyoM kA dRr3hasaMgaThana caahiye| inhIM sabhAoM meM mujhe saba bAta ke pramANa mile ki rAjanIti aura samAjanIti ko judA judA karake manuSya kaisA dambha karatA hai ? eka bAra paravArasabhA meM cAra sAMkoM ke prastAva para carcA calarahI thI, mere sira meM darda ho rahA thA isaliye maiM bhIr3a se kucha vAhara sira pakar3e baiThA thaa| eka sajjana Aye, bole-ApakI tabiyata bahuta kharAba hai Apa Dere para jAkara so jaaiye| maiM unakA matalaba tAr3a gayA, maiMne kahA ApakI yahI maMzA hai na ki Apake virodhiyoM kA eka boTa aura kama ho jAya / ve lajita ho gaye / mujhe Azcarya huA ki ye sajjana kAMgresa ke khAsa kAryakartA haiM kAMgresa ne achUtodvAra Adi bAteM apanI yojanA meM zAmila karadI thIM para aura bar3I bAta to jAne dIjiye isa ATha sA~ka cAra sA~ka meM bhI ye purAne logoM ke sAthI the| tabhI se maiM mahasUsa kara rahA hUM ki sAmAjika dhArmika krAnti ke liye rAjanaitika raMgamaMca yahAM kAma nahIM de sktaa| pIche to isa bAta ke samarthana meM aura bhI aneka anubhava hue|. ..

Page #159
indora meM [151 - isa bAta ke bhI bahuta anubhava hue ki jinakI roTI samAjake hAthameM haiM arthAta jo samAja ke naukara haiM unheM svataMtra vicAra karanA kaThina hai aura samAja kA roSa una para sava se adhika utaratA hai / eka bAra mere eka lekha ke kAraNa jabalapura ke loga kSubdha ho gaye the / lekha. ke prakAzana meM prakAzakajI ne kucha gar3abar3I jarUra karadI thI para paravAra-sabhAmeM usakI pUrI jimmedArI maiMne apane sira para le lI kyoMki lekha kA lekhaka maiM thA aura patrakA sampAdaka bhI maiM thA / 52 Azcarya hai ki paMcoM kA sArA kopa prakAzakajI para giratA thA kyoMki ve sabhA ke vaitanika karmacArI the maiM samAja kA naukara tA thA para paravAra samAjakA naukara nahIM thA, isaliye mujhase kahate the ki hama Apa se kucha nahIM kahanA cAhate / isa se maiMne samajhA ki samAja kI naukarI aura sAmAjika krAnti ke kAma eka sAtha nahIM ho sakata / pIche to mere vicAra isa viSaya meM itane spaSTa ho gaye ki jaise sarakArI naukara kauMsiloM Adi meM pratinidhi nahIM ho sakate na voTa de sakate haiM usI prakAra jo loga samAja kI naukarI karate haiM unheM pratinidhi Adi na bananA cAhiye / svataMtra vicAra se jinheM roTI, chinane kA Dara hai ve samAja kA netRtva nahIM kara sakate isakA yaha matalava nahIM ki samAja meM unakA sthAna nIcA samajhA jAya, sarakAra ke bar3e bar3e aphasara voTa nahIM de sakate isakA yaha matalaba nahIM hai ki unakA sthAna nIcA hai| sirpha yahI samajhA jAtA hai ki unakI paristhiti voTa dene lAyaka nahIM hai / jabataka samAja naukarI ke kAma meM svatantra vicAroM ke kAraNa hastakSepa karanA banda na kare taba taka samAja ke vaitanika

Page #160
152 ] Atma-kathA kAryakartAoM ke mata kA ThIka pradarzana nahIM ho sakatA na usase samAja ko lAbha hai na unheM / hAM, vaitanika karmacArI agara samAja ruci ke pratikUla sudhAraka vicAra pragaTa karatA hai taba to unakA mUlya hai kyAki isame usameM niHsvArthatA aura satyAnucaratA mAlUma hotI hai / anukUla vicAroM meM to cApalUsI kI hI adhika sambhAvanA hai| paristhiti ke kAraNa isake liye vaha vivaza bhI hai. isaliye vaha vakIla bana sakatA hai niSpakSa sAkSI nahIM bana sakatA / khaira, jaina sabhAoM meM vyavasthita pratinidhitva kI vyavasthA to thI hI nahIM, usakA DhoMga thA isaliye pratinidhitva vAlI sabhAoM ke guNa bhI unameM nahIM the aura na vaha nirbhIka samAja-sudhArakoM ke saMgaThanarUpa thIM jisase samAja kI gulAmI kI jagaha samAja hita kiyA jA sake isaliye maiM unakI tarapha se bilakula udAsIna ho gyaa| paraloka-vidyA kI bImArI indora meM hI kucha mahInoM ke liye paralokaM vidyA kI bImArI bhI lagI / paralokavidyA-vizArada vI . DI. RSi usa samaya itane prasiddha nahIM the| apanI dukAna camakAne ke liye ve grAhakoM aura sahayogiyoM kI khoja meM the / maine karmavIra meM jaba unakA vijJApana par3hA aura yaha jAnA ki ve indora meM hI rahate haiM taba maiM var3A prasanna huaa| usI dina zAmako unakA ghara DhUMDhate DhUMDhate jA pahuMcA / mRtAtmAoM ke citra Adi dekhakara bahuta prabhAvita huaa| unakA ghara mere ghara se karIba sAr3hetIna mIla thA / plAJceTa ke prayoga dekhane ke liye maiM unake ghara pratidina zAmako jAtA thA aura rAtako eka

Page #161
indora meM ! 153. baje lauTatA thA / zurU zurU meM to maiM kAphI prabhAvita huA para dhIre dhIre RSi jI kI caturatA mere dhyAna meM Ane lagI / plAceTa kI tipAI kA jaba eka paira uThatA thA taba tipAI para rakkhe hue RSijI ke hAthoM kI naseM phUlatI thIM isaliye gaura se dekhane vAle ko sApha mAlUma ho sakatA thA ki tipAI ke paira ko RSi ke hAtha eka tarapha jora lagAkara uThA rahe haiM- koI mRtAtmA nahIM / mRtAtmAe~ jo bAteM kahA karatI thIM arthAt unake nAmase RSijI jo sunAyA karate the ve kabhI kabhI aisI asambaddha aura tarkaviruddha hotI thIM ki vicAraka AdamI avazya hI caukannA ho jAya kabhI mRtAtmAeM kahA karatI ki yahAM bahuta sUkSma zarIra haiM hama kSaNabhara meM hajAroM mIla kI yAtrA kara sakate haiM yahAM bImArI nahIM hotI / para kabhI aisI bhI mRtAtmAeM AtI jinheM siradarda Adi kI bImArI hotI thI / maiM kahatA tumhAre zarIra meM raktamAMsa to hai hI nahIM phira ye bImAriyA~ kyoM hotI haiM? uttara kucha nahIM / kabhI kabhI mRtAtmAe~ kahatIM hama rAjavAr3A cauka se yahA~ taka (RSijI ke ghara taka ) cale A rahe haiM isaliye thaka gaye haiM / isa prakAra kI asambaddha bAtoM se mujhe pola najara Ane lagI / eka dina maiMne kahA ki kisI mRtaka AtmA se kaho ki vaha hamAre hAtha se bhI plAzceTa calAMva, benar3I nAmaka eka AtmA isake liye taiyAra bhI huA / para hamane apane sAtha RSijI ko na baiThA kara bhAI kamalakumAra jI ko biThalAyA / Adha ghaMTe taka pUrI ekAgratA dikhAne para bhI plAJceTa na calI / lajjita hone para bhI RSijI bole abhI Apako kucha dina sAdhanA karane kI aura

Page #162
Atma-kathA 154 ] z2arUrata hai maiM musakarAyA / anta meM eka dina maiMne kahA ki hama paM. gopAla dAsajI vareyA kI mRtAtmA se bAtacIta karanA cAhate haiM Apa kisI mRtAtmA se kahiye ki vaha paMDitajI kI AtmA ko DhUMDha kara lAye / RSijI ne benar3I ko hI niyukta kiyA / venar3I ne sAta dina kA samaya mA~gA jo diyA gayA / sAtaveM dina anya dinoM kI apekSA mujhe bahuta utsukatA thI / benar3I se jaba pUchA gayA taba usane kahA -- paMDitajI uttama loka meM mile / ve bar3I muzkila se Aye abhI isI kamare meM haiM plAJcaTa para ve Apake sAtha bAta kareMge / benar3I ko vidA karake jaba paMDitajI kI AtmA ko bulAyA gayA to maiMne gommaTasAra kA eka prazna rakhakara unakA mata mA~gA / RSijI ko aisI AzA nahIM thI / sAtadina taka ve mujha se gopAladAsajI ke viSaya meM kucha na kucha pUchate rahe the para maiMne unheM kucha nahIM batAyA thA aura gommaTasAra ke viSaya meM to RSijI jAnate hI kyA the, nidAna paM. gopAladAsajI kI AtmA ko kahanA par3A ki aba hama bAta nahIM karanA cAhate / maiMne kahA - tatra itanI dUra Aye kyoM ? uttara meM 'nahIM', maiM jo bhI kucha kahUM usake uttara meM plATa 'nahIM' para jAkara Thahara jAya / isa prakAra isa parIkSA meM bhI RSijI phissa ho gaye / tatra se mujhe bhI paralokavidyA kI bImArI na rahI / Azcarya hai ki mRtAtmavyavasAyiyoM kA eka antarrASTrIya saMgaThana bhI vana gayA hai, yoropa meM isake adhivezana bhI hue haiM /

Page #163
indora meM [ 155 "aura bahuta se bhAratavAsI, jo pratyeka gore camar3e meM vaijJAnikatA kA darzana karate haiM, mRtAtmA kI kalpanA ko vijJAnasiddha samajhate haiN| para ye jAdUgara kI dUkAneM haiM, bhale hI koI inase paisA kamAtA ho aura koI yaza | cch nATaka - kampaniyoM meM nATaka dekhane kA bAlyAvasthA se hI zauka thA / yahA~ taka ki sAgara pAThazAlA meM bhI corI se rAsalIlAe~ dekhane calA jAtA banArasa meM hama patipatnI kAphI nATaka dekhate the / eka dina vicAra AyA ki ina kampaniyoM ko paisA to bahuta diyA kucha ina se lenA bhI cAhiye | isaliye maiMne 'bhAratoddhAra' nAmaka eka nATaka banAyA / isa samaya indora meM, pATaNakara - saMgIta maMDalI nAmaka eka marAThI kampanI apane khela kara rahI thI / maiMne apane nATaka kA eka aMka banAkara use batAyA usa ke mAlika ko vaha bahuta pasanda AyA / bolA jaldI pUrA kara dIjiye maiM ise avazya khelUMgA / merA utsAha bar3hA, maiMne pAMca sAta dina meM nATaka pUrA kara diyA aura use btaayaa| usane khUba pasanda kiyA / taya ho gayA ki do cAra dina meM kampanI apane naToM ko vaha sikhAyagI / kaunasA naTa kaunasA pAtra banegA yaha bhI taya ho gayA / 1 . idhara eka prakAzaka mahodaya bhI 100 ) meM usakA prakAzana * adhikAra mA~gane lage isa prakAra maiM samajhane lagA ki basa, lakSmI to chappara phor3a kara kUdI aura aba kUdI / para lakSmI apar3hoM ko bhale hI cara le, beImAnoM ko bhI vara le, para bevakUphoM ko

Page #164
156 ] Atma kathA nahIM varatI usa ke pAne ke liye kucha liyAkata cAhiye / para isa viSaya meM maiM kAphI budhU thA isaliye vaha avasara khodiyA / / eka mitra , jinane merI apekSA kAbhI duniyA dekhI thI, bole aise nATaka ke hajAra rupaye se kama na lenA cAhiye aura chApakara veMcane se bhI do cAra sau rupaye sahaja meM mila jAyeMge isa prakAra unane bahuta car3hAyA / maiMne kampanI ke mAlika se hajAra rupaye kI mA~ga kI usane do sau taka kI bAta calAI aura yaha bhI kahA ki chapAne kA adhikAra Apake hI pAsa rahegA para mujhapara to hajAra kA bhUta savAra thA, isa liye saudA TUTa gayA / kampanI calI gaI / dUsarI bahuta kampaniyA~ AI para sabane muphta meM hI nATaka hathiyAne kI koziza kI kisIne eka bhI paisA na diyA / aba mujhe apanI bhUla samajha meM AI para aba to avasara-mur3hatA kA aura sirpha pandraha dina parizrama karake hajAra-do-hajAra rupaye pITa lene kI tRSNA kA daMDa bhoganA hI raha gayA thA / eka nATaka nikala jAtA to anya nATaka bhI nikalate isa prakAra jaina samAja kI Arthika gulAmI chor3ane kI jo ciralAlasA thI vaha pUrI ho jAtI / para merI avasara-mUr3hatA ke kAraNa sAre svapna havA ho gaye / aura usakA pazcAttApa varSoM banA rhaa| . hA~, itanA lAbha avazya huA ki bahuta-sI nATaka kampaniyoM ke samparka meM AyA thor3A bahuta majUrI sarIkhA kAma karake paccIsa pacAsa rupaye kamAye bhI, muphta meM khUba nATaka dekha, pharsTa klAsa aura AracesTrA Adi, na jAne kyA kyA nAma hote haiM, unapara baiThakara

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indora meM [ 157 nATaka dekha liyA, nahIM to una sthAnoM para baiThakara kaba nATaka dekhane kA bhAgya thA, itanA hI nahIM maMca aura nepathya meM bhI jA sakatA thA isaliye nATakoM ke naMge rUpa bhI dekhe, aura nATaka - jagat ke nikaTa paricaya meM rahakara mAnava prakRti yA duraMgI duniyA ke naye naye anubhava bhI pAye / rupayA ginane ke liye rupayoM kI thailI to na milI isaliye anubhava kI thailI meM se anubhava ginane lagA / amuka AdamI ne aisI badamAzI kI isase yaha anubhava milA, usane isa prakAra jhUTha bolA isase vaha anubhava milaa| isa prakAra anubhava gina nina kara rupayoM kI ginatI kI kamI pUrI karane lagA / Aja bhI Thage jAne para aisI hI ginatI kiyA karatA hUM / para ina bAtoM meM jaisI cAhiye vaisI akla abhI taka nahIM A pAI / kaha letA hU~ merA dila dayAlu aura komala hai para isakI apekSA yaha kahanA ThIka hogA ki hRdaya saMkocI aura nirbala hai / khaira, eka bAra kI avasara - mUr3hatA ne jIvana bhara ke liye isa mArga se nivRtta kara diyA / socatA hUM yaha acchA hI huA nahIM to nATaka kampanI se nikalI huI mere jIvana kI gaMgotrI sinemA - sAgara ke kisa taTa para gaMgAsAgara banAtI yaha kahanA kaThina hai / atra to yahIM socatA hUM ki jIvana kA phUla kisI nartakI kI veNI meM na guthakara bhagavAna bhagavatI ke pairoM para car3hA diyA gayA yaha saubhAgya hI hai / saMbhava hai Arthika dRSTi se kucha adhika acchA rahA hotA para dhana pAkara bhI dhanI khoyA hotA /

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158 ] Atma kathA rUr3hi-virodha indora meM jyoM jyoM merI sudhArakatA panapatI jAtI thI tyoMtyoM sudhArako kArya-pariNata karane kI merI icchA balavatI hotI jAtI thii| kuTumbameM koI nahIM thA isaliye aura sudhAroM ko kAryarUpa meM pariNata karane kA avasara hI nahIM thA para patnI ke veSabhUSA meM kucha parivartana karanA, pardA haTAnA svAsthya ke liye zAmako ghUmane le jAnA Adi sudhAra kArya-pariNata karanA cAhatA thA / para isake liye patnI se Agraha kabhI nahIM kiyA eka dina gahanoMke liye Agraha kiyA para usakA pariNAma acchA na huA isaliye patnI ke sAmane sudhAraka sAhitya rakha kara aura carcA karake sudhAra kI vATa dekhane lagA / dhIre dhIre usako merI bAteM samajha meM Ane lagI aura parivartana bhI zurU huaa| gujarAtI DhaMga kI veSabhUSA Ane lagI / jAti kI kucha striyoM ne TokA bhI ki 'vAI, deza chor3anApara bheSa (veSa) na chor3anA' para patnI ne usakI parvAha na kii| indora meM to mAravAr3I samyatA hai joki veSabhUSA kI dRSTi se kAphI pichaDI huI kahI jAsakatI hai / vahA~ striyoM-striyoM meM bhI pardA kiyA jAtA hai / eka dina maiMne patnI se kahA ki cUMghaTa nikAla kara Aja mere sAtha ghUmane calo / zAmako hama loga ghUmane nikale taba saba ko bar3A Azcarya huA / dasa pandraha dina kucha khusa-snusa phusa-phusa huI / para maiMne isakI parvAha nahIM kI, phala yaha huA ki dUsare loga bhI apanI patnI ko lekara ghUmane jAne lage / maiMne anubhava kiyA ki kisI bAta ko bakate rahane se hI kAma nahIM hotA use kriyApariNata karanA cAhiye / sAdhAraNa loga hI nahIM bar3e bar3e sudhAraka

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indora meM [ 159. vidvAna bhI anukaraNapriya hote haiM / aise loga sudhArakatA kA mUlya to kama karate hI haiM para usake mArga meM ror3e bhI aTakAte haiM / bakanA aura avasara Ane para pIche haTanA yaha aisI kAyaratA hai jo sudhAra patha meM itane bar3e ror3e aTakAtI hai jitane sudhAra kA virodhI bhI nahIM aTakA sktaa| khaira, indora meM viparIta paristhiti hone para bhI merI sudhArakatA kA siJcana huA aura dhIre dhIre vaha kArya pariNata bhI hone lgii| ___ (19) DAyarI ke kucha pRSTha DAyarI meM bahuta kama bharatA thA / kavitAoM aura lekhoM ke noToM meM hI DAyarI bharI jAtI thI, phira bhI kabhI kabhI dila ke udgAra DAyarI meM likhe gaye haiM / usase krama-vikAsa kA tathA AMtarika jIvana kA kucha vizeSa paricaya mila sakatA hai, isaliye tArIkhavAra kucha upayogI pRSTha yahAM diye jAte haiM / kina kina pustakoM yA. lekhA ke par3hane se dila para kyA kyA prabhAva par3atA thA aisI bAteM bhI prArambha kI DAyariyoM meM likhI huI haiM | una pRSThe ke par3hane se mAlUma hotA hai ki sAhitya ke vAcana ne. hI mujhe pazutA se manuSyatA kI ora khIMcA hai aura vikAsa kA adhikAMza zreya usa hI hai| saba pRSThoM ke uddhRta karane meM eka pAthA hI banegA, isaliye idhara udhara ke thor3e pRSTha uddhRta kiye jAte haiM / vidyArthI avasthA ke pRSTha chor3a diye jAte haiN| DAyarI ke adhikAMza udgAra kisI ghaTanA se sambandha rakhate rahe haiM para kheda hai ki ve

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160 ] AtmakathA ghaTanAeM likhIM nahIM gaI, na yAda A rahI hai| vanArasa 3 aprela 1919 Aja hRdaya meM bar3A duHkha rahA / 33 karor3a bhAratavAsI kyA * kucha nahIM kara sakate ? hamArI chAtI para danAdana goliyAM calAI jA~ya aura usa para bhI atyAcAra hote raheM ! nahIM mAlUma aba kyA hone vAlA hai ! lekina bhArata kA yaha khUna bhArata kI svatantratA kA tilaka hai / jisakA abhyutthAna honA hotA hai usakI pUrva pahicAna yahI hai.......hamAre pyAre dezabhAiyoM kA jo khUna huA he vahI khUna bhArata se videziyoM kA muMha kAlA kregaa| damoha 12 maI *919 bhArata kitanA samunnata thA jisako dekhakara svarga ke devatA bhI sira jhukAte the, parantu Aja usakI santAna niHzastrahasta ho rahI hai aura deza videzoM meM ThokareM khAtI phiratI hai / mahAtmA gAMdhI sarIkhe do cAra AdamI avazya haiM jo deza ke liye kucha karate haiM, para hama sarIkhe mUrkha to dekho, jinane do roTiyoM ke liye jIvana beca diyA hai / vi.kAra hai ! mere isa jIvana ko / jaisA pAyA jaisA na paayaa| damoha 23 maI 1919 / manuSya ko mAnasika vAcanika bala ke sAtha zArIrika bala bhI bahuta upArjita karanA cAhiye / yadyapi yaha matya hai ki mAnasika vala ke Age zArIrika bala kisI kAma kA nahIM tathApi zArIrika vala se mAnasika bala meM bar3I sahAyatA milatI hai|

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DAyarI ke kucha pRSTha [161 damoha 24 maI 1919 Aja mujhe isa bAta kA anubhava huA hai ki vAstava meM jiMtanA sukha hai vaha saba svAdhIna hI hai| koI kahe ki strI-putrAdikoM se sukha mila sakatA hai so yaha saba jhUTha hai / jaise svArthI hama haiM usI taraha sArA saMsAra hai / kisI jIva para kisI jIva kA AdhikAra nahIM hai / jisa manuSya ko Aja acchA samajhate ho usIko kala burA samajhanA par3atA hai aura jisako Aja burA . samajhate ho usIko kala acchA samajhanA par3atA hai, isase jJAta hotA hai ki saMsAra ke. prANI na acche haiM na bure / ve jaise haiM so haiM, acchA burA kahanA hamArA bhrama hai isase mujhe cAhiye ki apane pariNAma na bigAI aura duniyA ke raMgaDhaMga dekhatA huA cluuN| ____ damoha 25 maI .1919 .. manuSya ko jitanI sukha kI sAmagrI milatI hai vaha utanA hI duHkhI hotA jAtA hai / Aja jisake. liye mara rahA hai kala usIke milane se vaha nIrasa pratIta hone lagatI hai / isake sAtha itanA kaSTa avazya hai ki yadi prApta vastu kA viyoga ho jAve to bhArI duHkha kA anubhava karanA par3atA hai| banArasa 2 julAI 1919 maiM jahAM taka vicAratA hUM vahAM taka mujha yahI patA par3atA hai ki manuSya ko saMtoSa ke samAna aura kucha sukha nahIM hai / yadyapi isa bAta ko meM bahuta dina.se. zAstroM meM sunatA calA AtA hUM lekina vizeSataH isakA anubhava mujhe Aja hI ho rahA hai| koI

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162 ] Atma-kathA prANI kisI kI AtmA ko pUrNa sukhI nahIM banA sakatA / isameM koI zaka nahIM ki bahutasI AtmAe~ aisI bhI haiM jo prANapaNa se dUsare kI AtmAoM ko sukhI banAne kI koziza karatI haiM lekina vAstava meM ve unheM sukhI nahIM banA sakatI kintu kabhI kabhI unhIM ke dvArA aisI ghaTanA ho jAyA karatI hai jo usa AtmA ko duHkhI banA detI hai| vanArasa 23 agasta 1919 saMsAra meM manuSya ko sukha samAgama bahuta dinoM taka nahIM raha sktaa| yadi manuSya ko dhana jana Adi se paripUrNa sukha bhI huA tathApi manuSya kA hRdaya aisA hai ki usameM eka na eka duHkha kA aMkura uga hI uThatA hai / banArasa 9 sitambara 1919 __kyA saMsAra meM sacamuca anyAya kA rAjya ho gayA hai ? bhAratavarSa ko dUsare deza ke loga isataraha ghRNAse dekhate haiM ki jaise hamAre yahAM loga bhaMgI camAroM ko dekhate haiM aura isakA kAraNa paratantratA hI batalAta haiM / amerikA ke logoM kA kahanA hai ki bhArata 30 karor3a AdamiyoM ke rahate hue bhI choTI sI aMgrejI senA ke vaza meM hai bhArata jaisA nAmarda koI nahIM mAlUma hotaa............"| banArasa 9 navambara 1919 . . Aja jaba maiM bhojana karake uThA taba mere hRdaya meM bahuta acche vicAra. Aye. jisase yahI icchA hotI thI ki sarvastra

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DAyarI ke kucha pRSTha [ 163 " ghara se haTakara jaMgala meM jAve para ye vicAra na jAveM akele baiThanA, duniyA ke jhagar3oM se bace rahanA jitanA sukhakara hai utanA dhana Adi koI sAmagrI nahIM hai / kintu isa samaya bhI mere vicAra sakalaMka haiM kyoMki unake bhItara bhI yaza kI icchA ghusI hai / yadyapi yaha kAma yaza ke liye nahIM hai tathApi hRdayameM yaza kI vAsanA banI huI hai yahI hRdaya kA kalaMka hai aura isakA chUTanA kaThina hai / dekheM kaba isameM kRtakArya ho pAtA hU~ / 1 banArasa 27 navambara 1919 kabhI kabhI aisI vItarAgatA A jAtI hai ki aisA lagatA hai ki isa deha se zIghra piMDa chUTe aura aisI jagaha janmU~ jahA~ mujhe uttamottama muniyoM kA sambandha mile jaise videha / aba mujhe apanA hI zarIra bhArI mAlUma hone lagA hai / mujhe nahIM mAlUma 'merI jIvana naukA kidhara jAyagI ? banArasa 2 janavarI 1920 yadi hamane yaza bhI prApta kara liyA to bhI isase AtmA kA sudhAra kyA huA ? yaha kevala vAsanA hI hai / ise saMkalparUpa pariNita kara lUM to bhI kucha kalyANa nahIM hai / banArasa 3 janavarI 1920 manuSya kitanA hI choTA paryo na ho yadi vaha dRr3ha saMkalpa karale to saMsAra ko batA sakatA hai ki choTA manuSya bhI kitanA samunnata ho sakatA hai ? yadi manuSya ko girAnevAlI koI vastu hai to anutsAha hai athavA Atmazakti kA ajJAna manuSya

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164 / . AtmakathA ko girA sakatA hai| manuSya ko cAhiye ki vaha apane ko sadA balavAna samajhane kI koziza kare / aisA samajhane se vaha vahuta kAma kara sakatA hai| banArasa 5 janavarI 1920 ... . manuSya kI icchAzakti bar3I prabala hai / vaha tIna taraha kI hotI hai| sAttvika -jisakA dRSTAnta mahAvIra vuddha haiM / rAjasa jisakA dRSTAnta pratApa / tAmasa jisakA dRSTAnta cANakya haiM / isameM pahilI upAdeya hai dUsarI bhI upAdeya para pIche sAtvikatA honA cAhiye / tIsarI vilakula heya hai / kintu manuSya ko icchA zakti vAlA avazya bananA cAhiye / . vanArasa 11 janavarI 1920 . .. manuSya var3I jagaha rahake var3A kahalAtA hai parantu merA vicAra hai ki maiM jahAM rahUM vaha sthAna hI bar3A kahalA jAve / dekheM yaha icchA kabataka aura kaise pUrNa hotI hai ? jo bhI kucha ho isa ke liye prayatna to avazya karatA jaauuNgaa| . ... vanArasa 13 janavarI 1920 hamArI jAti samunnata ho to kaise ho? dekhatA hUM abhI sava AdamI lakIra ke phakIra haiM-purAnI. cAla jo thI vaha rahanA cAhiye cAhe vaha duHkhada aura dharmaviruddha hI kyoM na ho aura * naI rIti na rahanI cAhiye cAhe vaha acchI hI kyoM na ho| :: .. .. banArasa 16 janavarI 1920 . - maiM samajhatA thA samaya na milane se kAma nahIM kara pAtA

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DAyarI ke kucha pRSTha [ 16.5 hU~ kintu aba samajhA jo kartavya-zIla hote haiM unake kAma kitane . hI kyoM na ho saba ko samaya mila jAtA hai / ...... banArasa 17 janavarI 1920 - manuSya kabhI kisI ko acchA kabhI kisI ko burA samajhane lagatA hai| yaha AtmasvabhAva na hone para bhI svabhAva-sA ho rahA hai / jA manuSya hamako burA mAlUma par3atA hai yadi usase hamArA koI svArthasiddha ho jAtA hai to vahI acchA lagane lagatA hai / svArtha kI mahimA anupama hai / . banArasa 19 janavarI 1920 ___ merA ciMtta gambhIra nahIM hai, bAhara dikhalAne ko cAhe bhale hI rahe, kintu bhItara pola hI pola hai / praphullita citta bhI thor3I sI bAta kA nimitta pAkara agni bana jAtA hai / yaha hRdaya kI nIcatA nahIM to kyA hai ? zAhapura 7 pharavarI 192.. arasika hokara ke kyoM, vathA bhramara ko kalaGka dete ho| sarasa sumana yadi hogA, to rasa grAhaka avazya AyeMge / akalatarA 27 pharavarI 1920 manuSya kaisA hI kyoM na ho jabataka usake pAsa dhana na ho / tabataka vaha isa kAla kI apekSA balavAna nahIM kahalA sakatA / dhana ke binA vidvAna murkha hai, nirogI rogI hai aura guNI doSI hai / dhana na rakha kara saMsAra meM apanI AvazyakatA pUrNa karanA kaThina hai, isake liye parAdhIna honA par3atA hai aura jahAM parAdhInatA. hai

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166 AtmakathA vahAM mahAduHkha hai, svAbhimAna vecanA par3atA hai / jisakA phala yaha hotA hai ki koI kitanA hI buddhimAna kyoM na ho vaha apane vacana kA asara kisI dUsarI AtmA para nahIM DAla sakatA / vidvAna hokara bhI jo manuSya svatantravRtti nahIM hai usako thor3A nahIM bahuta davanA par3atA hai |..."piNjdd'e meM phaMsA huA zera. jaise duHkhI hotA hai vahI dazA usa vecAre paMDita kI hotI hai / isAliye mujha sarIkhe svAbhimAnI manuSya ko svataMtra-vatti honA yogya hai, kyoMki aisA na hone se kutte bhI mujhe dhamakiyA~ dikhalAte haiM aura mujhe dUsaroM ke mu~ha kI tarapha jhUkanA par3atA hai / yadi sahasA adhika kucha nahIM ho sakatA to kama se kama aisI pratijJA avazya le lenA cAhiye ki unmatta dhaniyoM kI saMgati kabhI na kruuN| kyoMki ina logoM ke dvArA kiyA gayA apamAna itanA gaharA hotA hai ki coTa dikhatI nahIM para tana sUkha jAtA hai........| sivanI 6 mArca 1920 jisa samaya maiM banArasa se calA thA usasamaya mujhe jJAta hotA thA ki banArasa khaTTA hai aura sivanI to mizrI kI DalI hai| parantu . hAya re / manuSya kA hRdaya, tU usI sivanI ko khaTTI kaha rahA hai| aura vanArasa kA citavana karake tanmaya huA jAtA : hai| yaha eka terI caMcalatA kA namUnA hai| isase yaha bAta spaSTa . hai ki saMsAra meM koI vastu na acchI hai na varI hai| acchA yA burA hai manuSya kA hRdaya / jaisI. vaha kalpanA karatA hai vaisA hI

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DAyarI ke kucha pRSTha [ 167 saMsAra acchA yA burA mAlUma par3ane lagatA hai / maiM naI naI lAlasAoM ko bar3hAtA hU~ aura pUrNa hone para pachatAtA hU~ / jaise vezyA eka ko pAkara dUsare kI lAlasA karatI hai vaisI hI dazA mere mana kI ho rahI hai / indora 1 janavarI 1921 vAstava meM jo vidyA paropakAra ke liye thI usIse maiM apanA peTa bhara rahA hUM, vaizYaputra hokara isase bar3hakara kSudra vAta aura kyA hogI ? indora 4 janavarI 1922 .:... zakti ke sAmane saba koI jhukate haiM, apane se adhika zakti ke A pahu~cane para saba koI daba jAtA hai / Aja yaha dekhA / lekina nirapekSitArthavRttiH kaH puruSaH sevate nRpatIn ! ? jisako dhana Adi kI cAha nahIM aisA puruSa rAjAoM kI sevA kyoM karegA ? isaliye yadi saMsAra meM bar3A bananA hai to nirapekSavRtti banane kI ceSTA karanA cAhiye 1 indora 5 janavarI 1923 manuSya meM saba kucha A jAtA hai para svadopanirIkSaNa nAmaka guNa milanA bahuta kaThina hai / agara yaha guNa manuSya meM A jAya to jhagar3e kI jar3a hI miTa jAya / parantu manuSya- hRdaya itanA durbala hai ki vaha isa bAta ko nahIM kara sakatA 1. lalitapura 22 janavarI 1923 mere vicAra bahuta vistarNa aura kucha strI-svAtaMtrya ke

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168 ] tmikathA pakSapAtI haiM / maiM pardA-prathA kA kaTTara zatru hU~, paraspara jAtiyoM meM vivAha karAnA cAhatA hU~, DhoMga dastUroM ko vilakula ur3AnA cAhatA huuN| 'jainadharma ke asalI siddhAMta sArvakAlika haiM bAkI sAmayika' yaha bhI mAnatA hU~, isaliye mujhe saba loga nAstika samajhate haiM / jisa dina maiM jainiyoM kI naukarI chor3a dUMgA usI dina ina bAtoM kA pracAra kruuNgaa| ___ indora 22 julAI 1923 hama duniyA ko to doSa dete haiM magara hama khuda nIca haiM aura samaya samaya para nIcatA kA paricaya bhI diyA karate haiM / / yadi hama Aja eka avalA (vidhavA) kI rakSA na kara sake . to hamAre jIvana se kyA lAbha ? mAnA ki hamAre hRdaya meM dayA thI lekina isase kyA ? jaba hama vaha kAma meM na lAye aura lAne ke samaya ko TAlA / Ajakala vidhavAoM kI bar3I durdazA hai ve amaMgala rUpa samajhI jAtI haiM jo vAstava meM maMgalasvarUpA haiM una anAthiniyoM kA itanA apamAna kiyA jAtA hai ki ve vecArI ghabarAkara dharmabhraSTa ho jAtI haiM, vyabhicAriNI ho jAtI haiM, vezyAvRtti svIkAra kara letI haiM / puruSa to apane dasa dasa vivAha kareM magara una vecAriyoM ko punarvivAha karane meM bhI pApa mAnA jAtA hai yaha kitanA andhera hai ? sacamuca bhAratavarSa bahuta asabhya vanA huA hai| indora . 26. sitambara 1993 .: maiMne acchI taraha vicAra kara nizcita kara liyA hai ki

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DAyarI ke kucha pRSTha [ 169 "" varNavyavasthA jainiyoM ko hI kyA bhAratavarSa mAtra ko anAvazyaka hI nahIM-- nAzaka hai jainiyoM meM paravAra Adi jo judI judI jAtiyA~ haiM unake rahane kI koI AvazyakatA nahIM hai / agaraM raheM to vanI raheM magara saba meM beTI vyavahAra taka ho jAnA cAhiye basa, phira inase kucha hAni nahIM / saca bAta to yaha hai ki varNavyavasthA lupta ho cukI hai agara kSatriya vaizya yA zUdra brAhmaNa kA kArya kare to qAnUna se unheM koI nahIM roka sakatA isaliye varSoM kI vRtti to badala gaI hai joki varNavyavasthA kI jAna hai / aba to varNavyavasthA kA murdA raha gayA hai jo ki durgaMdha dene ke sivAya aura kucha nahIM kara sktaa| logoM kA rUr3hiprema itanA majabUta hai ki apane mUrkhatApUrNa vicAroM ke viruddha kucha bhI nahIM kara sakate / ve, aura unhIM sarIkhe aMdhazraddhAlu paMDitanAmadhArI jIva vizeSa, gAliyA~ dekara dhamakAkara suvyavasthApUrNa vyakti-svAtaMtrya kA DaMkA pITanevAloM kA virodha karanA cAhate haiM / khaira mujha isa bAta kA Dara nahIM hai, maiM ina vicAroM kA pracAra karUMgA hI aura isa jora se karUMgA ki dasa varSa meM hI vijAtIya vivAha Adarza vivAhoM meM zAmila kiyA jA skegaa| abhI eka patra AyA hai ki ' samAja ko kArya karane do vijAtIya vivAha kA prazna cher3akara phUTa kyoM DAlate ho ' magara isa taraha samAja sadA gaDhe meM par3I rhegii| jaba tumheM samAja meM naI rItiyoM kA lAnA yuktiyukta nahIM ja~catA taba unnati kyA khAka karoge ? AcAryoM ke vacanoM para kyoM mare jAte ho ve manuSya (chadmastha ) the - trikAlajJa na the / unake kArya usa samaya ke liye ThIka ho sakate haiM magara hama Aja

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170 ] AtmAthA mI unake vAnyA ko lekara unake nAna para royeM to isa meM kyA buddhimAnI hai ? agara hama meM hI parijJAna na ho to hama jitanI jaldI mare utanA hI acchaa| . indora 14 janavarI 1924 jatra meM apanI paristhitiyara vicAra karatA hU~ taba majhe vaDI nirAzA hotI hai | kyA meM yogya AjIvikA karate huve svatantra raha sakatA hU~? mere jIvana kA uddezya hai ki khUba grantha likha jAU aura samAja aura dharma kA rUpa badala jAU~ / strI-svAtantrya, paradAsisTama kA vinAza, achUtoddhAra, vivAha adi kAryoM meM vyartha vyaya : kA nAza, saMgaThana Adi samAja-sudhAra ke aMga haiM / dharnA kI asaliyata kyA hai, pracalita mate meM satyatA kA aMza kitanA hai ityAdi parIkSA karake dharma kA vAstavika rUpa saMsAra ke sAmane rakhanA mere jIvana kA ya hai para jaba taka AjIvikA svatantra nahIM hotI taba taka ina kAmoM meM saphalatA kaise mila sakatI hai ? indora 7 julAI 1924 . bahuta dinoM se matoM se merI zraddhA ur3a rahI hai / jaina mata meM bhI vahuta hI truTiyA~ naz2ara AtI haiM / merI icchA hai ki AjIvikA se svatantra ho jAUM aura khUba jJAnopArjana karUM / yadi donoM meM saphala huA to salasamAja kI sthApanA kruuNgaa| hama sarIkhe kSudra jIva bhalA kyA saphalatA prApta kareMge lekina usa ke liye / jitanA bhI kSetra taiyAra ho jAyagAM bhaviSya kI santAna ko utanA hI subhItA hogA / satyasamAjI ko rASTrIyatA aura saMkucita dhI

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DAyarI ke kucha pRSTha [ 171 se pare rahanA cAhiye / jo satya a~ce vahI kare aura apanA jIvana sadAcAra pUrNa banAve, rUr3hiyoM kA gulAma na rahe / [Azcarya hai ki jaba dasa varSa bAda san 34 meM satyasamAja kI sthApanAkI gaI taba yaha yAda hI na AyA ki 7 julAI 1924 ko bhI aise vicAra Aye the aura yaha nAma sajhA thA / isaliye satyasamAja kI sthApanA ke samaya nAma ke liye bar3A vicAra karanA par3A, 'satyasaMvakasamAja' Adi nAmoM meM se 'satyazodhakasamAja' nAma rkkh| / bAda meM isa nAma kA jaba dUsarA samAja dakSiNaprAnta ma mAlama huA tA nAma meM kama se kama parivartana karane ke lihAja se zodhaka zabda nikAlakara 'satyasamAja' nAma rahane diya! / isa praka ra vinA jAne hI yaha nAma 7 julAI 1924 kI mAnasika kalpanA se milagayA] indora 23 julAI 1925 isa jIvana meM to bahutasI truTiyA~ raha gaI / AzA hotI hai ki zAyada dUsare janma meM merI truTiyA~ dUra ho isaliye dUsare janma ke liye bar3I utsukatA hai / yadyapi mujhe AzA hai ki isa jIvana meM bhI bahuta kAma kara sakU~gA isaliye marane ko jI nahIM cAhatA phira bhI maranA utanA bhayaMkara nahIM mAlUma hotA jitanA mAlUma honA cAhiye / - indora 24 julAI 1925 Aja dinabhara aise hI vicAra Ate rahe ki gRhastha jIvana chor3akara gRhatyAgI ho jAUM, agara jIvanabhara ke liye na ho sakU to 10.5 varSa ke liye ho jAUM / pAsa meM pAMca rupaye se adhika na rakkhU / do kambala aura do khAdI ke vastra rakkhU / jAtipA~ti kA vicAra chor3akara bhojana karUM, sakhe sUkhe kI parvAha na karUM isa taraha apane svatantra vicAroM kA pracAra karUM / jaina samAja meM hI nahIM kintu bhArata bhara meM dhArmika aura sAmAjika krAnti macA hU~ /

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172 ] S ...... AtmakathA indora 25 sitambara 1925 kahanA hai ki 'hama logoM kI liye maiM isa isa jIvana meM kara rahanA par3A mere sAthiyoM kA mujha se apekSA Apane bahuta unnati kI hai' thor3I dera ke bAta ko mAnaletA hU~ lekina merA yahI vicAra hai ki do tani bAtoM kI kabhI se mujhe bahuta avanata ho hai isaliye kabhI kabhI yaha vicAra AtA hai ki yaha janma jaise taise samApta ho jAya phira sambhavataH dUsare jIvana meM kucha kAma kara sakUM | lekina vicArane se mAlUma hotA hai ki jo itanI sAmagrI meM kucha nahIM kara sakatA vaha akarmaNya AgAmI jIvana meM bhI kyA kara sakatA hai !....... ina thor3e se pRSThoM se patA lagatA hai ki kisa prakAra acche cure, samajhadArI yA pAgalapana se bhare hue vicAroM ke sAgara meM gote lagAte hue azAnta jIvana vitAyA haiM vartamAna paristhiti se asantoSa aura uchalakara kucha tIvra gati se Age bar3hane kI lAlasA sadA banI rahI hai, para una vicAroM ke anusAra jIvana na vanA sakA usa mArga meM kucha bar3hA to avazya para bahuta kama, dasa dasa varSa taka vicAra bhItara hI bhItara sar3ate rahe aura phU~ka phU~ka kara paira rakhane ke samAna dhIre dhIre pragaTa hue| phira bhI logoM ne yahI kahA ki maiMne vicAroM ke prakAzita karane meM utAvalI kI hai / san 25 se maiM kucha pracaNDa AMdolaka vana gayA isaliye DAyarI bahuta kama bhara pAyA, bahuta se vicAra to jaina-dharma-mImAMsA Adi se pragaTa ho gaye haiM phira bhI jo cIz2a pAThakoM ke sAmane rakhane lAyaka milegI - rakha dI jAyagI /

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vijAtIya vivAha - AMdolana (20) vijAtIya vivAha - AMdolana ekadina akasmAt dillI ke lAlA jauharImalajI sarIpha kA eka patra milA jisameM likhA thA ki " maiMne bra. zItalaprasAdajI se vijAtIya vivAha para TrekTa likhane ko kahA thA unane ApakA nAma sujhAyA hai isaliye Apa kRpAkara eka TrekTa likha dIjiye / ' [ 173 Andolaka banane ke liye koI nayA Andolana khar3A karane kI ruci mujhameM nahIM rahIM / maiMne Andolana khar3A kiyA hai to yA to usameM kisI kI preraNA nimitta banI hai yA kisI kA virodha / preraNA se maiM gaurava anubhava karatA aura kucha karane lagatA aura virodha se merA abhimAna jaga par3atA isaliye kucha karane lagatA / agara ye donoM nimitta na milate to nahIM mAlUma mere Upara lAdI huI paMDitAI kA bojha kisa kAma AtA ? khaira, lAlA jauharImalajI kI maiMne bheja diyA / para mere akSara kharAba prakAzita hI nahIM huA aura mujhe to likhakara chuTTI lelI / preraNA se eka TrekTa likhakara hone se vaha kaI mahine taka koI parvAha nahIM thI / TrekTa kucha mahIne bAda jaba meM paryupaNa meM sahAranapura zAstra par3hane ke liye gayA aura dillI ThaharA tatra jauharImalajI ne vaha TrekTa presa meM dediyA / chapane ke bAda jainamitra meM prakAzanArtha gayA, vahAM vaha pUrA kA pUrA TrekTa chApa diyA gayA / basa di. jaina samAja meM mAnoM tUfAna AgayA /

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174. ] . AtmakathA jainagaz2aTa Adi meM virodhI lekha nikalane lge| virodha meM UMce se UMce paMDitoMne bhAga liyA aura maiM una saba kA uttara dene lagA.. logoM ko aura mujhe bhI uttara kucha joradAra mAlUma hue isaliye merA khUba utsAha bar3hA aura saba vidvAna to eka hI ekabAraH ke uttara meM cupa hogaye para eka vidvAna avazya eka varSa se Upara likhate rahe aura donoM ke bIca meM kaI darjana lekha likhe gaye / unake cupa honepara vijAtIya vivAha ke siddhAnta para eka taraha se prAmANikatA kI chApa lagagaI / / virodha meM likhanevAle vidvAnoM kI saMkhyA kAphI thI aura unake. patra mI bahuta the aura mere pAsa sirpha eka hI patra thA isase eka bar3A lAbha yaha huA ki virodhI vidvAna Apasa meM hI eka dUsare ke viruddha liMkha jAte the jaba ki mere pakSameM maiM hI lekhaka thA isaliye paraspara virodha kI naubata na AtI thii| mere sahapAThI mitra paM. ku~varalAlajI avazya likhane meM kabhI kabhI merA sAtha diyA karate the para ve apane lekha pahile mere pAsa bheja diyA karate the / ina dinoM merA parizrama kAphI bar3ha gayA thA para prasiddhi kI dhuna meM usakI kucha bhI. parvAha na karatA thA / saMphalatA dina dUnA utsAha bar3hAtI thii| carcA zurU hone ke kucha . mahine bAda virodhiyoM ko jaba * patA lagane lagA ki carcA meM pAra pAnA kaThina hai taba unane dUsarI AvAja yaha lagAI ki isa tarahaM carcA karane se kyA hotA hai samAja to do kaur3I meM bhI ina bAtoM ko na pUchegI / isakA tArkika uttara to maiMne turanta de hI diyA para merA dhyAna isa tarapha gayA ki

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vijAtIya vivAha AMdolana [ 175 sacamuca isa taraha isa carcA se kAgaz2a kAle hI hoNge| samAja meM jabataka vicAra-krAMti na ho tabataka paMDitoM se jhagar3anA niSphala hI rahegA isaliye eka tarapha jaba maiM virodhiyoM kA uttara detA rahA tatra dUsarI tarapha samAja ke vidvAnoM, zrImAnoM tathA anya saMjanoM kI sammati chapAne lagA / isake liye mujhe khUba parizrama karanA par3atA thaa| vijAtIya vivAha para sammati mA~gane ke liye jo maiM vidvAnoM tathA zrImAnoM yA mitroM ke pApta patra bhejatA thA usameM vijAtIya vivAha ke pakSa meM jo saMkSepa meM kahA jA sakatA hai vaha saba likhatA isa prakAra vaha lambA patra eka choTA-sA lekha bana jAtA thA / isa prakAra ke kucha paMtra meM prAyaH pratidina likhA karatA thaa| kaMjUsa itanA thA ki yaha na huA ki itanI mahanata pratidina karatA hU~ isake badale meM vijAtIya vivAha. para 'saMkSepa meM pUrA prakAza DAlane vAlA eka majamUna chapA lU~ aura saMbake pAsa bhejA karU~ / isakA eka kAraNa to yaha thA hI ki hastalikhita patra ko loga jitane dhyAna se par3hate haiM utane dhyAna se chapahue patra ko nahIM par3hate, para dasarA kAraNa merI kaMjUsI thA / maiM socA karatA thA ki maiM itanI mahanata kharca karatA hU~ aura posTeja bhI lagAtA hU~ aura aba chapAUM bhI maiM hii| dUsarA koI zraddhApUrvaka mujhe kyoM na de de ? paitRka saMskAra hoM yA brAmhaNoM ke saMsarga seM. ho, aisI kaMjasI A gaI thii| thor3e thor3e paisoM kA bhI bar3A khayAla karatA thaa| yoM khAne-pIne meM itanA kaMjasa nahIM thA, nATaka-sinemA meM bhI sAdhAraNataH ThIka hI kharca kara detA thA phira bhI udAratA nahIM thii|

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176 ] . AtmakathA . anubhavane batAyA ki jo loga vilAsI haiM yA hajAroM rupaye dAna bhI kara dete haiM unameM bhI kaMjUsa pAye jAte haiM / vilAsa to moha kA eka rUpa hai aura bahutoM kA dAna bhI eka taraha kA lenadena hai isase udAratA kA paricaya nahIM miltaa| jo jitane aMzoM meM vinimaya ko gauNa kAtA hai aura phira kucha janahita ke liye detA hai vaha utane aMza meM udAra hai / para mujhaneM yaha udAratA na thI-balki pracchanna bhikSukatA thI / maiM kisI se kucha mA~ga nahIM sakatA thA isakA kAraNa nibhatA nahIM kintu ahaMkAra thA / manameM socatA-vinA mA~ge hI loga mujhe kyoM nahIM dete ? yaha pApa Amataura para vidvAnoM meM pAyA jAtA hai yahI kAraNa hai ki Aja sarasvatI ko lakSmI kI dAsI bananA par3a rahA hai / - khaira, bhAgya se vardhA ke zrI ciraMjIlAlajI bar3ajAtyAne vijAtIya vivAha para kucha phArma chapavAdiye jinheM bhejakara maiM sammati lene. lagA / likhita phArma taiyAra karake bhejane tathA anya patravyavahAra meM tathA vardhA se indora Ane ke posTeja meM jitanA kharca huA sambhavataH utane meM indora meM hI phArma chapa sakate the / para kaMjUma AdamI aisA vicAra nahIM karatA-vaha to apanI thailI dekhA karatA hai / khaira, sammatiyoM meM khaba, saphalatA milane lagI / patravyavahAra ke parizrama kA phala: yaha huA ki karIba tIna darjana 'vidvAnoM ko sammatiyA~ mere pakSameM AgaI jaba ki virodhI vidvAna eka darjana ke karIba hI the / sammatiyA~ vidvAnoM taka hI sImita na rahIM kintu aura bhI saikar3oM sajjanoM kI sammatiyA~ AI isake bAda paMcAyatI prastAva bhI mere pakSameM Ane lage / aba phira virodha pakSa

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vijAtIya-vivAha-AMdolana [177 kI cintA bahI kyoMki paMcAyatoM kA tathA janasAdhAraNa kA mere pakSameM AnA saphalatA kI gaharI chApa lagajAnA thaa| isaliye virodhiyoMne yaha socA ki kisI taraha merI AjIvikA chur3AI jAya to merI akla ThikAne AjAyagI / aura ve loga isI bAta ko lekara Andolana karane lage / seTha hukumacandajI Adi para bhI isa bAta para jora DAlA jAne lagA / para seTha hukumacandajI bhI mere pakSameM the yA hogaye the isaliye unane dhyAna na diyA / . isI samaya tilokacanda hAiskUla ke saMcAlaka ne mujhase hAiskUla meM adhyApaka ho jAne ke liye kahA / maiMne bhI socAsaMskRta vidyAlayapara virodhiyoM kA adhika dabAva par3a sakatA hai isaliye hAiskUlaM calA jAUM to acchA hI hai para phira socA ki isa viSayameM seTha hukumacandajI se salAha lelenA cAhiye / isaliye maiM unake pAsa gayA / jaba maiMne apanA irAdA batAyA to ve cakita hokara vole-yaha kyA kahate ho Apa ? mere rahate ye loga ApakA kyA kara sakate haiM ? Apa vilakula nizcita rahiye, maiM ina saba ko dekha lUMgA Adi / isake bAda unane vijAtIya vivAha kA khUba sama* rthana kiyaa| isa taraha nizcita hokara maiM calane lagA aura dasa pAMca kadama calA bhI ki seThajI ne phira bulAyA aura kahA-dekhiye, Apa vilakula nizcinta rahiye, ye loga ApakA kucha nahIM kara sakate Apa nizcintatA se kAma kIjiye, DaTakara Andolana kIjiye / phira maiM claa| aba kI bAra Adhe jIne taka AgayA ki seThajIne phira bulAyA aura phira nizcita rahane kI bAta kahI aura kahA-Apako

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. 178 ] Atma-kathA " - vidyAlaya kisI bhI hAlata meM alaga nahIM kara sakatA / khaira, aba maiM kAphI nizcinta hogayA aura tilokacanda hAiskUlavAloM ko kaha diyA ki aba maiM hukumacanda vidyAlaya meM hI kAma karUMgA / . khaira, paryuSaNa ke dina Aye / mujhe dillIvAloM ne nimantraNa diyA aura idhara indora meM mere virodhI vidvAnoM kA Agamana huA / indora meM una vidvAnoM se jamakara carcA ho isaliye kucha jI to lalacAyA para dillIvAloM ko svIkAratA de cukA thA aura vahAM ke jaina samAja meM isa viSaya meM khUba cahalapahala bhI maca gaI thI / mere samarthakoM ne carcA ke liye khulI cunautI de rakkhI thI isaliye dillI jAnA jarUrI thA / * 1 * yaha dillI jAnA mere kSudra jIvana kI eka mahattvapUrNa ghaTanA hai / isIse mujhe apanI sahiSNutA Adi kA paricaya milA; dillI . meM jo kucha huA isakA varNana vistAra se DAyarImeM likhA hai | yahAM usakA sAra dediyA jAtA hai / - . indora se dillI ke liye nikalA ki kucha kucha tabiyata kharAba ho gaI / ratalAma meM AdhI rAtasa tabiyata aura kharAba ho gaI, subaha eka para eka vamana hone lage, dina bhara meM karIba 25 se Upara vamana hue| isaliye dillI ko bImArI kA tAra diyA, rAta meM camana kucha kama hue para zarIra ekadama zithila ho gayA / icchA huI ki kala indora lauTa calUM, vahA~ bhI paMjI se miDane kA acchA avasara hai para phira socA ki dillI ke caileMja kA * kyA hogA ? isaliye hara taraha dillI pahu~canA hI taya kiyA / rAta bhara taviyata kucha ThIka rahI thI isaliye subaha mela se jAnA

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vijAtIya vivAha AMdolana [ 179 taya kiyA thA ki usake pahile hare hare raMga ke kaI vamana hue ilaliye phira rukanA pdd'aa| dina ke 12 baje camana banda hue isaliye do baje kI gAr3Ise ravAnA ho gayA aura tAra bhI dilA diyA / dehalI pahuMcA ki samAja meM halacala maca gaI / zAstrasabhA meM khUba bhIr3a hone lagI / virodhI logoM ke mu~ha se bhI nikalane lagA ki vicAra cAhe jaise ho lekina vidvattA meM sandeha nahIM / dUsare dina se mere Dere para bahuta se loga Ane lage aura virodhiyoM dUta bhI / virodhI isaliye Ate the ki merI yuktiyA~ le jAkara apane dala ke paMDita ko vicAra kI sAmagrI deM / mere mitroM ne cetAvanI bhI dI para maiMne kahA ina yuktiyoM se ve sa~bhaleMge to kyA kiMtu TaNDe par3a jaayNge| huA bhI aisA hI / ke / : eka dina merA yahA~ vyAkhyAna bhI rakhA gayA / usameM maiMne jainadharma kI udAratA batalAte hue kahA thA ki jainI banane kA haraeka ko haka hai cAhe vaha bhaMgI, camAra yA pazu hI kyoM na ho / jainazAstroM se isa bAta ko pramANita bhI kiyA / kucha dina bAda vijAtIyavivAha ke samarthana meM merA vyAkhyAna rakkhA gayA / jisa dina isa vyAkhyAna kA noTisa ba~TA usI dina se kAphI kSobha hone lagA | vyAkhyAna ko rokane kI kAphI koziza kI gaI / dinameM mujhe kucha virodhiyoM ne dhamakI bhI dI / vyAkhyAna ke pahile imArata kA tAlA lagAdiyA gayA / mere mitroM ne use kisI taraha haTAyA yA tor3A / para isa paristhiti ko dekhakara mere bahuta sahayogiyoM ko anupasthita rahane ke liye bImAra bana jAnA

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180. .. AtmakathA / pdd'aa.| phira bhI vyAkhyAna kA kAryakrama maiMne na rokA / anta meM java kucha upAya kAma na AyA taba virodhI loga saikar3oM kI tAdAda meM cillAte hue Aye aura vyAkhyAna ke cauka meM baiThakara zora macAne lge| kahane lage-dekheM Aja kaise vyAkhyAna hotA hai, mAreMge mara jAyeMge para vyAkhyAna na hone deNge| - kuMcha loga Aye vole-aba vyAkhyAna nahIM ho sakatA, loga Udhama macAyeMge-asabhyatA kreNge| maiMne kahA-cintA nahIM, maiM gAliyA sahala~gAM, dhakke saharU~gA, mArapITa kareMge to vaha bhI sahajAUMgA para jAUMgA avazya | mAmalA Ter3hA to avazya thA para maiM gayA / logoMne zora macAnA tathA cakanA zurU kiyA para pAMcasAta miniTa ke bAda unheM cupa rahanA par3atA ki sabhA kA kArya zurU kiyA jAtA aura phira loga cillAte / isa prakAra calatA rahA / phira maiMne kahA ki Apa loga itane Darate haiM ki mega vyAkhyAna suna lene se hI samajhate haiM ki ApakAHsamyagdarzana vaha jAyagA / yadi aisA hai to Apa loga apane dalake acche. paMDitoM ko bulAkara apanA samyaktva surakSita rakhakara mere vicAroM ko pachAr3ate kyoM nahIM haiM ? isa prakAra bIca: bIca meM maiM yA merI tarapha se mere mitra cunautiyA~ dete rahe aura loga cillAte rahe / ekAdha utsAhI bhAI ne mujhe golI mArane kI dhamakI dii| pIche eka bhAIne mere Thaharane ke sthAna kA daravAjA. vAhara se vanda kara diyA ki maiM nikalakara vAhara vyAkhyAna na dene lgeN| . - jaba kAphI samaya hogayA taba kucha sajanoM ne mujhase kahAsAhiba ! Aja to vyAkhyAna yahAM ho nahIM sakatA, yahAM sava samaya naSTa kiyA jAya isakI apekSA yahI acchA haiM ki Apa Dere para

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vijAtIya vivAha AMdolana [ 181 caleM, yahAM pacAsa AdamI to baiTha hI sakate haiM unheM Apa vyAkhyAna munAvai / mujhe. bhI. yaha bAta jacI / antama Dere para karIba pacAsa AdamiyoM ke sAmane vijAtIya vivAha para vyAkhyAna hue| yahAM kacha narama virodhI bhI Agaye the jinakA virodha karIba 2 naSTa hogayA aura ve mere samarthaka hogye| ekadina pAnIpata bhI gayA, vahAM ke vyAkhyAna se loga itane suza hue ki unane Agraha kiyA ki Apa yahIM jaina hAiskUla meM adhyApaka hojAyeM / maiM indora se mana hI mana kucha Uba gayA thA isaliye maiMne pAnIpatavAloM ko svIkAratA dedI aura bAtoM hI bAtoM meM yaha taya hogayA ki maiM divAlI ke pahile pAnIpata aajaauuNgaa| yahAM indora kI apekSA sudhArakoM kI saMkhyA kucha adhika thii| dillI se zAnadAra vidAI huii| bar3I rAta taka loga pleTaphArma para merI tArIpha meM kavitAeM par3hate rahe aura gAr3I chUTane para unane phUloM kI varSA se (jinameM cAMdI ke phUla bhI bahuta the) DabbA bhara diyA / jaba gAr3I calI taba mujhe anubhava huA ki merI himmata aba kAphI bar3ha gaI hai aura maiM virodha kI hara paristhiti kA sAmanA kara sakatA huuN| . . vahAM se AgarA AyA / yahAM bhI mere vyAkhyAna kA noTisa ba~TA aura tUphAna ke AsAra najara Ane lage / vyAkhyAna to rAta, ko thA para dinako hI loga jhagar3ane ke liye Aye / para vyAkhyAna ke prabandhaka majabUta the isaliye kucha kara na sake / zAmako vyAkhyAna huaa| mujhe vyAkhyAna aura zaMkA-samAdhAna. ke liye lagAtAra sAr3he tIna ghaMTe taka khar3A rahanA par3A / maiMne kaha diyA thA ki jaba

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182 : Atma kathA . taka sabakA samAdhAna na kara dUMgA taba taka khar3A hI rahUMgA cAhe saMverA hI kyoM na hojAya / sAr3he tIna ghaMTe ke vAda virodhI niruttara hogaye aura sabhA samApta huI, merA utsAha aura sAhasa aura bhI vddhaa:| :: . para jaba indora AyA to phATaka ke bhItara Ate hI mAlUma huA ki seThajIne vijAtIyavivAha ke Andolana ke kAraNa mujheM . vidyAlaya se alaga karane kA nizcaya kara liyA hai| . mujhe bar3A Azcarya huA / amI kucha dina pahilI hI jina seThajI ne mujhe tIna tIna vAra z2ora dekara AzvAsana diyA thA,..yA ye ve hI seThajI haiM ? eka karor3apati AdamI ke vacanoM kA. itanA kama mUlya ho sakatA hai- isakI kalpanA hI zarmanAkaM mAlUma huii| . mere sunane meM AyA ki seThajI ne mere pakSa meM kAphI jora laMgAyA thA para virodhI vidvAnoM kA jo. dala AyA thA. usane sArI paMcAyata ko vahakAkara kAphI kSobha macAyA aura anta meM seThajI ko daMva jAnA pdd'aa| pahile to satya ke liye yaha davanA hI vyartha thA. aura aMgara devebhI the to apanI vacana-rakSA kA kucha dUsarA intajAma karanA thaa| jaba maiM isa bAta kA ulahanA dene * gayA ...tatra unameM jo lajjA, saMkoca, aruci aura kAtaratA dekhI. usase * mujhe. mAlUma huA ki mahAnubhAvatI kA dhana se bilakula. saMbaMdha nahIM hai / isaliye ghRNA ke badale mujhameM dayA paidA huI / .. .: :.. :: : yoM seThajI bar3e saMjjana haiM, vicAraka haiN| pratyakSa aura parokSa meM unane merI tArIpha bhI kAphI kI hai aura samarthana bhI kiyA hai, lekina bahuta se AdamI lokamata-kA sAmanA vilakula nahIM kara skte| isake liye ve satya, hita aura Atmagaurava ko bhI kucala

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vijAtIya vivAha: AMdolana [ 183 DAlate haiM yaha unameM svAbhAvika kamajorI hotI hai, isase ve dUsaroM kA nukasAna jitanA karate haiM usase adhika ve apanA nukasAna karate haiM, isaliye una para dayA hI kI jA sakatI hai / : : vidyAlaya ke mantrI jI ne kahA- abhI taka kucha nahIM bigar3A hai Apa AMdolana banda kara diijiye| maiMne musakarAte hue kahA aba to AMdolana merI mauta ke sAtha hI baMda hogA roTI chinane se vaha banda nahIM ho sakatA / itanA kahakara maiMne tyAgapatra likha diyA jisameM eka mahIne ke bAda kAma chor3ane kI sUcanA thI / i * ' + pitAjI bahuta ghabarA rahe the, unheM cintA thI ki purAnI mujhe bhI cintA 1 * garIbI ke dina phira na lauTa AyeM, thI para maiMne pitAjI ko kAphI dhairya ba~dhAyA aura kahA - AmadanI jyAdA ho yA kama, para peTa meM utanA hI jAtA hai jitanA usameM banatA hai / so. rUkhA-sUkhA utanA to mila hI jAyagA / bAkI adhika paise kA upayoga to apanI ijjata bar3hAne meM hai, so agara isa prakAra satya ke 'liye kaMgAla banane meM bhI ijjata ho to amIrI kI kyA jarUrata ?" w naukarI chUTa, jAne para mujhe AzA thI ki maiM pAnIpata calA : jAUMgA, vahAM bAta bhI kara AyA thA para yaha nahIM samajhA thA ki duniyA bhare ko bharatI hai - khAlI ko nahIM / jaba maiM AjIvikA se lagA thA taba sabhI bulAte the para Aja jaba naukarI chor3a cukA hU~ aura mujhe usakI khAsa jarUrata hai taba koI pUchanevAlA nahIM / eka saMsthA se alaga hone ke kAraNa sabhI saMsthAvAle Dara gaye / tilokacandra hAiskUlavAla ne bhI kucha bAta nahIM pUchI, pAnIpata vAloM ne to - 1 ; . *

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184 ] .... AtmakathA . . . patra kA uttara bhIH na diyA aura bhI do. eka jagaha likhA aura aisI jagaha likhA jahAM. agara pahile likhatA to ve apane ko saubhAgyazAlI mAnate para saba, loga cupa raha gaye / yadyapi maiM saba kucha sahane ko taiyAra thA para isa bAta kA khayAla avazya AtA thA ki dUsarA koI acchA sthAna na milA to Arthika kaSTa to bar3ha . hI jAyagA sAtha hI saMgI-sAthI majAka bhI uDAyageM jina vidvAnoM ne merA sAtha diyA hai ve bhI. caukane hojAyage / aura huA bhI. aisA hii| eka acche vidvAna ne to merI naukarI chUTane para apanI sammati vApisa bhI lelii| aba mujhe dhyAna meM AyA ki vipatti kA vAstavika rUpa kyA hai ? ... para vidhAtA.ne mere svabhAva meM kucha aisI ugratA.bhara dI ki jyoM jyoM logoM kI upekSA kA patA lagatA jAtA thA. tyoM tyoM manameM eka taraha ahaMkAra AtA jAtA thaa| bhaya kA sthAna roSa le rahA thA yaha sahaja bhAvanA aura bhI adhika ugra hotI jAtI thI ki mara bhale hI jAU~..para jhukU~gA nahIM / isa dRr3hatA kA zreya satyapriyatA ko. kitanA thA yaha nahIM kaha sakatA, abhimAna ko bahuta kucha thA yaha sApha hai / bhale hI ise Atmagaurava kahA jAya / . : jitane paricitaH the aura jinase isa avasara para kucha madada kI AzA thI, unako maiMne patra likhe para Arthika dRSTi se sahAyatA denemeM, sabhIne cuppI sAdhI / vardhA ke zrI ciraMjIlAlajI bar3ajAtyAne avazya likhA ki agara merI Arthika avasthA pahile sarIkhI hotI taba koI bAta nahIM thI para isa samaya maiM kucha vizeSa nahIM kara saMkatA sirpha itanA hI kara sakatA hUM ki agara Apa vardhA: AveM

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vijAtIya-vivAha-AMdolana [ 185 to mere ghara Apa mere kuTumbI kI taraha raha sakate haiM ....Adi / para isI samaya seTha tArAcandajI (bambaI) ne bambaI bulAyA , so jahAM maiM damoha jAkara eka jhopar3I meM gujara karane kA kAryakrama banA rahA thA vahAM ghara kA vicAra chor3akara bambaI cala diyA / . tyAgapatra kA rivAja pUrA kiye jAne para bhI vidyAlaya ke sAtha jo merA sambandha TUTA use eka taraha se mujhe nikAlanA kaha sakate haiM aura nikAlane kA nirNaya bhI aisA ki jisameM mere pakSa kI bAta sunI hI nahIM gaI / merI anupasthiti meM hI nirNaya kiyA gayA aura dillI se Ane para jaba maiMne virodhiyoM ko caileMja diyA to vaha bhI sabane TAla diyA / para yaha saba andhera jo mujhe sahanA par3A vaha vyartha nahIM gayA / isaliye vidyAlaya se merI jaisI vidAI huI vaisI usa vidyAlaya meM pahilI hI thI aura abhI taka antima bhI kahI jA sakatI hai | Ate samaya sTAra ezosiyezana kI tarapha se aMgrejI meM, saMskRta vAgvardhinI samiti kI tarapha se saMskRta meM aura vardhamAna sabhA kI ora se hindI meM, isa taraha tIna mAnapatra aura cAMdI kA guladastA bhI bheMTa kiyA gyaa| vidyAlaya ke maMtrIjI bhI badhAI dene aura yazogAna karane sabhA meM Aye / aMgrejI ke jo chAtra kabhI paira nahIM chUte the ve bhI pairoM para gira par3e / isa prakAra virodhiyoM ne mujhe davAne kA jo prayatna kiyA usakI pratikriyA kaIguNe rUpa meM ulTI hI huI / jaina patroM meM isa viSaya ko lekara kAphI carcA huI, dhanyavAda aura vadhAiyoM ke Dhera laga gaye / isa taraha eka mahine kI cintA ke bAda mujhe vyaktitva, sAhasa, yaza aura aneka taraha kI svatantratA milI aura kucha mahinoM meM hI /

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186 ] AtmakathA virodhiyoM ne apanI bhUla samajha lii| unameM se kucha ne kahA bhI ki agara Apako indora se na bhagAte to acchA thA / yahAM Apa hama para usakA dazAMza AkramaNa bhI nahIM kara sakate the jitanA ki Aja kara rahe haiN| mujhe apane jIvana meM gati kaise milI isake choTe bar3e aneka kAraNa haiM kintu indora vidyAlaya se nikAle jAne se jo mujhe gati milI vaha agara na milatI to merI jIvanayAtrA khaTArA gADI kI cAlase huI hotI java ki indora chor3ane se vaha relagAr3I kI cAlase (bhale hI vaha DAkagar3I na ho) hone lagI / isameM mukhya nimitta virodhI vidvAna aura seTha hukumacandajI haiM / (21) bambaI meM AjIvikA indora se kAphI sanmAna ke sAtha vidAI lekara jaba gAr3I badalane ke liye khaMDavA utarA taba khaMDavA ke bahuta se mitra sTezana para svAgatArtha upasthita the / sTezanapara hI phalAhAra vagairaha karAyA aura gAr3I meM car3hAyA / vidAI ke samaya eka bhAI vole--ekAdha haphte meM phira Apake svAgata ke liye yahIM AnA pdd'egaa| - maiMne kahA-kyoM ? . ve bole-bambaI kA bhArI pAnI Apako kyA pacegA isaliye Apako jaldI lauTanA par3egA taba hama Apa kA phira svAgata kreNge| - yaha bhaktipradarzana kyA thA eka tarahakA zApa thaa| maiM mana hI mana kucha khinna huA, kucha ha~sA, phira AbhimAnase gunagunAyA-acchA, satya ke liye samAja se to lar3anA hI par3a rahA hai aba pAnI se bhI ldd'gaa|

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bambaI meM AjIvikA [ 187 bambaI Akara maiMne isakI taiyArI bhI kii| niyama kara liyA ki kaI mAha taka garama pAnI hI piyuuNgaa| miThAI khAnA bilakula banda, ghara meM bhI pur3I vagairaha khAnA banda, kelA Adi phala bhI banda; phaloM meM sirpha mosammI rakkhI / isa prakAra tapasvI jIvana bitAne se merA svAsthya bilakula ThIka rahA aura eka taraha se maiM bambaI ke pAnI kI tarapha se nizcita hogayA / tIna cAra mahIne bAda garama pAnI bhI chor3a diyA tathA dhIre dhIre dUsarI cIjeM bhI lene lgaa| indora se jaba calA thA taba yaha socakara calA thA ki bambaI meM kucha nizcita vetana aura nizcita kAma hogA / para yahAM Ane para mAlUma huA ki mere liye naukarI dUr3hI jAyagI isaliye jAnepara kucha dina bekAra hI rahanA par3A / para seTha tArAcandajI tathA maganabAI jI kA mere liye kAphI prayatna thA isaliye vizeSa cintA na thii| jAne ke dUsare tIsare dina maganabAI jI ke Azrama meM parIkSA leneke liye bulAyA gayA / maiMne kaI ghaMTe taka parIkSA lI aura hara prazna para kucha samajhAyA bhI / isa prakAra apanI paMDitAI aura adhyApana kalA kA vijJApana bhI ho gayA / nizcaya huA ki zrAvikAzrama meM sarvArthasiddhi par3hAne ke liye maiM rakkhA jAUMgA, eka ghaMTA par3hAnA hogA 30) mahInA milegA / isa prakAra 30) mahA~nA pAkara bekArI se piMDa chuuttaa|. vIsa paccIsa dina bAda jaina borDiMga meM bhI par3hAne kA kAma mila gayA vahAM se bhI 35) mahInA nizcita huA / . isI samaya mujhe sva. zrI sUrajamala lallUrbhAi se milAyA gayA

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188 ] AtmakathA unane mujha se jainaprakAza ke liye eka lekha mA~gA / mere lekha se kadAcit ve prasanna hue aura jaina prakAza ke hindI vibhAga meM lekha likhane ke liye maiM 35) mahIne para rakha liyA gyaa| isa prakAra 100) mahIne kI AmadanI pAkara maiM nizcinta ho gayA / indaura se bambaI kA kharca jyAdA thA para vetana bhI kucha jyAdA milane lagA isaliye ToTala varAvara hI rahA / ka bAda meM mANikacanda graMthamAlA kA kAma bhI mila gayA / usakA kAma bhI 15-20 rupaye mahIne kA kara letA thA yaha AmadanI indora se adhika thI / isaliye indora kI apekSA vacana kucha adhika karane lagA / arthasaJcaya kI AvazyakatA bhI adhika mAlUma hotI thI, kyoMki sevA kA jo kSetra maiMne cunA thA usameM jIvana bhara samAja kI coTeM khAnA jarUrI thA / coTeM niMdA apamAna Adi meM hI samApta nahIM ho jAtIM kintu bhUkhoM mArane kI bhI pUrI koziza kI jAtI hai| aisI paristhiti meM Arthika dRSTi se kucha svAvalambI honA jarUrI thA / yahI kAraNa hai ki saMgraha kI lAlasA na honepara bhI saMgraha kI tarapha vizeSa dhyAna dene lagA | jaba vambaI meM jama gayA tava phira samAja ke aneka sthAnoM se bulAne ke patra Ane lage / ekavAra phira anubhava huA ki duniyA bhare ko bharatI hai aura bhUkheko Thokara mAratI hai / ise kyA kahA jAya ? duniyA ke isa ajJAnakA pariNAma yaha hotA hai ki bahuta kucha dekara bhI vaha kucha nahIM pAtI usakA kucha upayoga nahIM hotA / jarUrata vAle ko avasara para dIgaI sahAyatA jitanI upayogI hai vaha jitanA prema aura kRtajJatA paidA kara sakatI hai usakA dasavAM hissA bhI bhare ko bharane *

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bambaI meM AjIvikA [ 189 se nahIM miltii| ... samAja ko mujha se viruddha dekhakara jo mujhase kinArA kATane lage aura samAja ke sAmane TikA huA dekhakara jo mujhe phira cAhane lage unakI sthiti ko maiM samajhatA huuN| unake Upara jo kisI saMsthA kA bojha hotA hai usakI rakSA ke liye unheM samAja kI kurucikA bhI samarthana kara par3atA hai isa viSamatA kA kAraNa bhI samajhaH se AtA hai / phira bhI yaha kahe binA nahIM rahA jAtA ki ve samAja ko jo kucha dete haiM usase jyAdA hAni karate haiM athavA sevA ko niSprANa banA dete haiM / una saMsthAoM ke bAloM para ye saMskAra majabUtI se jama jAte haiM ki hameM satya ke Age nahIM lokaruci ke Age jhakanA cAhiye / aise AdamI samAja kA hita nahIM kara sakate use sirpha rijhA sakate haiM / yahI kAraNa hai ki paMDitoM kI-zikSitoM kI-saMkhyA bar3hatI jAtI hai para pathapradarzakoM aura sevakoM kI saMkhyA ghaTatI jAtI hai athavA bar3ha nahIM rahI hai / khaira, bambaI Anepara maiM eka taraha se khulI havA meM AyA abhI taka merI sthiti laMkA meM vibhiSaNa sarIkhI hI rahI thI / purAne vicAra ke logoM meM hI zikSaNa huA thA unhIM meM rahakara adhyApana kA kArya karanA par3A thA dinarAta dharmAndhatA aura rUr3hiyoM kA samarthana hotA thA aura unhIM meM rahakara maiM apane sudhArakatA ke paudhe ko thoDese vivekajalase sIMca rahA thA / pratikUla havA kI lU ke jhoMke usa paudhe ko jhulasA denA cAhate the, para maiM apanI sArI zakti lagAkara kisI taraha usa paudhe ko jhokoM se bacAye rakha rahA thaa| vambaI meM Anepara utanI cintA na rahI / .

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19. ] Atma-kathA yadyapi yahAM bhI jainasamAja kI naukarI thI phira bhI saJcAlaka kuMcha sudhAraka the aura jitanA sudhAraka kahalA kara meM bambaI meM AyA thA usake liye vaha naukarI bAdhaka na thI / kama se kama usa avasthA meM paira jamAne ko kAphI thii| . phira bhI nizcinta nahIM thaa| bhItara jo sudhArakatA kA tUphAna sA ArahA thA vaha agara sArA kA sArA samAja ko dikhAI de jAya to bambaI ke. saMsthAsaJcAlaka bhI sahana kara sakeMge, aisI AzA .. nahIM thii| yoM to meM acche sahayogiyoM ke bIca pahuMca gayA thA phira bhI prAcInatA ke samarthaka mere virodhI paMDitoM ko jo suvidhA thI vaha mujhe na thii| ve merA virodha kareM to unakI samAjasevA thI hI, sAtha hI naukarI kA kAma bhI samajhA jAtA thA java ki mujhe naukarI kA kAma pUrA vajAnA par3atA thA / kabhI sAmAjika kArya ke liye bhI bAhara jAnA par3e to usake liye bhI ulahanA khAnA par3atA thA / isaliye samAja ke kAma ke liye mujha chuTTI ke dina aura chuTTI kA samaya hI milatA thA / kucha varSoM vAda to yaha niyama sA hogayA thA ki garmI kI chuTTI pracAra ke liye daurA karane meM jAtI thI / AmadanI kucha bar3ha jAne se isa kAma meM do DhAI sau rupayA prativarSa kharca bhI karane lagA thA .! / khaira, indora se hara taraha acchA thaa| AmadanI bar3hI thI svatatraMtA bar3hI thI sAmAjika samparka bar3hA thA aura ina saba kAraNoM se utsAha aura karmaThatA bar3hI thI / isa sudharI huI paristhiti kA eka * acchA asara yaha bhI huA ki logoM para kucha prabhAva bhI jama gayA / eka to yaha ki Arthika davAva Ane para bhI maiM nahIM davA isase

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bambaI meM AjIvikA [ 191 bhItarI dRr3hatA kA paricaya milA dusarA yaha ki virodhiyoM ne socA thA ki AjIvikA ke kSetrameM inheM girAdene se dUsaroM para acchI dhAka jamegI aura utsAha bhI ThaMDA hojAyagA so merI sthiti bigar3ane ke badale sudharI isaliye na to dUsaroM para koI burI chApa girI na merA utsAha ThaMDA huA / yahI kAraNa hai ki mere bAda jina vidvAna ko indora vidyAlaya meM rakkhA gayA ve bhI vijAtIya-vivAha ke samarthaka nikle| kucha samaya bAda unane apane vicAra prakaTa bhI kiye kintu phira koI kala na kaha sakA / sabane samajha liyA ki 'kUpahi meM aba bhAMga parI hai| khaira, prArambha kI kucha kaThinAI ke bAda AmadanI bar3hatI hI gaI / bambaI meM cAra varSa rahane ke bAda mUrtipUjaka zve. sampradAya ke mahAvIra vidyAlaya meM mujhe 135) rupaye mahIne para kAma mila gayA / isaliye mANikacanda granthamAlA aura di. jaina voDiMga kA kAma chor3a diyA / jainaprakAza meM lekha detA rahA aura eka ghaMTA zrAvikAzrama meM bhI par3hAtA rahA isa prakAra 200) mahIne kI AmadanI ho gii| kucha samayabAda 15) vetana vidyAlayakI tarapha se aura bar3hA diyA gyaa| kucha rupayA veMka meM bhI jamA ho gayA thA usakA vyAja bhI milatA thA isa prakAra khAsI AmadanI hogaI / ava to manameM kabhI kabhI yaha vicAra taka Ane lagA ki itane rupayoM kA karanA kyA ? jIvana sAdA thA, vyasana koI thA nahIM, sinemAgharoM ke pAsa meM rahate hue bhI mahIne do mahIne meM ekAdha dina sinemA kI bArI AtI thI, svacchatA priya aura zRMgArapriya honepara bhI kaMz2asa thA isaliye do savA do sau rupaye mahIne kI AmadanI jarUrata se

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192 ] AtmakathA jyAdA hI thI : isakA eka hI upayoga sUjhA karatA thA ki agara adhika rupayA hogayA to naukarI se svatantra hojAUMgA aura phira binA kisI bhaya yA saMkoca ke apane vicAroM kA pracAra karUMgA / aura isI kAraNa dhanasaJcaya kI tRSNA pIche par3I huI thii| balki yaha bhI kahA jA sakatA hai ki eka krAntivAda ko lagAnevAlI yaha kAyaratA thI ki jIvikA kI tarapha se kahIM nirAzrita na ho jAU~ / para ise kAyaratA samajhU yA satarkatA, yaha abhI bhI nahIM kaha sakatA ! saMbhavataH kAyaratA. hI hai. para jI cAhatA hai satarkatA kahane ko| :: :. . . ... . ___mahAvIra vidyAlaya meM paune tIna ghaMTe kAma karanA par3atA thaa| kAleja meM prophesara logoM ko karIba itanA hI kAma karanA par3atA hai aura vetana mujha seDhuMgunA tigunA caugunA taka milatA hai, yaha bhI maiM samajhatA thA ki merA kAma prophesaroM ke kAma se kharAba nahIM hai phira bhI aisA lagA hI karatA thA ki maiM kucha jyAdA le rahA hai| . sarakArI karmacAriyoM ke bar3e bar3e vetanoM ke viSaya meM yahI khayAla thA aura bahuta kucha ava bhI hai ki vaha to videzI zAsana ko bhArata meM jamAye rakhane ke liye zikSita bhAratIyoM ko dI jAnevAlI lAMca hai / usakA yogyatA se koI sambandha nahIM hai / aise aise sarakArI karmacArI haiM jinako hajAra hajAra do do hajAra rupayA mahInA vetana milatA hai para jinakI yogyatA unase bahuta kama hai jinheM Aja bAjAra meM muzkila se pacAsa rupaye milapAte haiM / isakA eka kAraNa to bhAgya yA akasmAta' kahA jA sakatA hai para dUsarA aura mukhya kAraNa sarakAra kI khAsakara videzI sarakAra kI rAjanIti hai.|

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sAhityaratna paM. daravArIlAla nyAyatIrtha-- - - - Reen-enerang Hierarmarvasavamaste . invenerentineneracierar - AVASTE [bambaI meM] MAA . MC

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cambaI meM AjIvikA [ 193 | isaliye vetana ke viSaya meM mujhe isa lAMca kA anukaraNa kyoM karanA cAhiye / kyoM na maiM jitanA kAma karatA hUM usase adhika karUM ? para prazna yaha thA ki yaha kaise ho / yoM hI to samaya diyA nahIM jA sakatA aura mere pAsa samaya bhI nahIM thA kyoM ki jainajagata aura sAmAjika Andolana calAne meM itanI zakti kharca ho jAtI thI ki naukarI kA sAdhAraNa kAma bhI mere liye bojha thA / para eka tarapha javAnI aura dUsarI tarapha sAmAjika krAnti karane kA nazA, isaliye saba dhakAtA calA jAtA thA / phira bhI yaha lAlasA bhI thI ki naukarI ke kAma meM jitanA kama samaya denA par3e utanA hI acchA kyoMki bacA huA samaya samAja ke kAma meM AgayA / isa prakAra eka tarapha kama samaya dene kA khayAla, dUsare tarapha adhika se adhika paise lene kA vicAra, tIsare tarapha paise ke anurUpa adhika kAma karane kI icchA, isa trikoNa kA mela kaise baiThe, yaha cintA hone lagI / yadyapi yahAM svArtha aura parArtha kA dvanda mAlUma hotA thA para gaharI najara DAlane se patA lagegA ki yahAM donoM tarapha svArtha hI thaa| adhika kAma karane kI icchA kA mukhya kAraNa thA apanA sanmAna bar3hAnA aura apanA sthAna majabUta banAnA / maiM cAhatA thA ki maiM aisA kAma karUM ki mujhe vidA denA saMsthAsaJcAlakoM ke liye kaThina hojAya merI kamI unheM khaTake / asalI bAta yaha thI ki maiM usa kaThina prasaMga ko dekha rahA thA ki jaba mere vicAroM ko na sahakara isa samAja meM bhI kabhI na kabhI kSobha macegA / usa samaya agara yaha merI vizeSa karmaThatA mujhe kucha samaya adhika TikAye rakkhe

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194 ] AtmakathA to acchA, kyoMki bambaI chor3ane ke bAda samAja meM kahIM kAma karane lAyaka na raha jAUMgA yaha maiM samajhatA thA / isa prakAra na to maiM apanI roTI kA bojha kisI para DAlanA cAhatA thA na sAmAjika krAnti kA kAma chor3ane ko taiyAra thA / yahI thA merA vaha svArthIpana jisane mujhe apanI tarapha se adhika kAma karane ke liye prerita kiyA thA / para usa samaya koI adhika kAma thA hI nahIM, isaliye mujhe eka varSa taka thor3A kAma karanA pdd'aa| - itane meM saubhAgya se eka seThajI ne vidyAlaya ko tIsa hajAra kI rakama isa kAma ke liye denA cAhI ki vidyAlaya meM agara bI. e. taka ardhamAgadhI aura nyAyatIrtha kI paDhAI kA intajAma ho to ina viSayoM kA adhyayana karanevAle vidyArthiyoM ko pAMca pAMca dasa dasa rupayA mahInA skAlarzipa dIjAya / mujha se pUchA gayA / mujhe to manacAhI murAda milI / maiMne turaMta svIkRta de dI ki maiM akelA hI vI. e. taka ardhamAgadhI aura prathamA madhyamA aura tIrtha kI kakSAeM samhAla lNgaa| - mere vizvAsa dilAne para vinA kisI jhaMjhaTa ke yaha yojanA cAlU kara dI gaI / nyAyatIrtha kA korsa par3hAnA to kaThina nahIM thA para ardhamAgadhI maiM svayaM nahIM par3hA thA / isaliye kakSAe~ cAla hone ke pahile garmI kI chuTTiyoMmeM eka mahIne taka maiMne ardhamAgadhI kA vyAkaraNa raTA, kucha sAhitya dekhA, agale sAla par3hAye jAnevAlA korsa dekhA aura eka prophesara kI taraha saba kakSAe~ lene lgaa| AvazyakatA honepara ema. e. taka kI par3hAI kI / isa prakAra apanI samajha ke anusAra maiMne apanA sthAna jamA liyA / isase mujhe adhyayana

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jainajagata kA sampAdana [.195 karane kA khUba avasara milA, sthAna bhI banA, aura bhara peTa-kyoMki merA peTa bahuta bar3A nahIM thA-paisA bhI milA * | isa prakAra AjI vikA kI gAr3I zreya aura preya donoM pahiyoM ke sahAre acchI taraha . daur3ane lgii| . [22] jainajagata kA sampAdana . .. bambaImeM Anepara vijAtIya vivAha Andolana aura bhI jora se claa| usasamaya jainamitrake jariye Andolana karatA thA para bambaI Ane para jaina jagata se sambandha bar3hA / jaina jagata ke nikAlane meM cAra vyaktiyoM kA hAtha thA / usake prakAzaka zrI phatahacanda jI seThI ajamera, seTha tArAcandajI bambaI, zrI nAthUrAmajI premI bambaI, aura zrI karparacandajI pATanI jayapura / pATanI 'jI sampAdaka the para anya kAryoM kI vajaha se vizeSa yoga nahIM de pAte the| indora meM rahate * hue bhI maiMne jaina jagat kA upayoga kiyA thA para bambaI meM Ane para seTha tArAcandajI aura premI jI ke anurodha se kAphI sambandha bar3hA, anekavAra sampAdakIya agralekha mujhehI likhanA par3ate aura TippaNiyA~ bhii| aba saba kI icchA. huI ki maiM isakA sampAdaka hojaauuN| para niyamita likhane ke bojha se maiM bacanA cAhatA thaa| isa prakAra bahuta dina TAlatA hI rahA / para mere phira phira karate rahane para bhI prakAzakajI ne merA nAma eka janavarI 1928 ke aMka para sampAdaka ke sthAna para DAla diyaa| . .. .jaina jagata kI nIti janma se hI kAphI nirbhIka thii| mere Anepara bhI usakI nIti vaisI hI rahI balki kucha bar3hatI hI gii|

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196 ] . Atma-kathA jainajagata ne eka para eka aneka Andolana kiye| usameM sudhAra sambandhI sabhI bAtoM para carcA rahatI thii| para satya ke liye acche se acche sahAyakoM kI parvAha na kI jAtI thii| isase jaina jagata kI Arthika avasthA sadA saMkaTApanna rahI para yahI usakA jIvana thA aura isase usakI dhAka prAyaH sabhI jaina patroM se adhika thii| tarka vitarka karanA zAstrIya carcA karanA AlocanA karanA mer| kAma thA aura acche se acche samAcAra dRr3ha nikAlanA prakAzaka jI kA kAma thA / isa taraha jainajagata prema se yA dveSa se sava kI A~khoM para car3ha gayA thaa| jaina-jagata Arthika saMkaTa meM rahane para bhI apanI nIti se pIche haTakara kisI bhI taraha ke pralobhana meM na phaMsa sakatA thA, isakI parIkSA eka bAra yoM huI ki eka zrImAna jI ne kahalAyA ki yadi Apa jainajagata meM vidhavA-vivAha ke pakSa meM kucha na likheM to.hama jainajagata kA sArA ghATA uThAne ko taiyAra haiM / isameM saMdeha nahIM ki jainajagata usa samaya kAphI Arthika saMkaTa meM thA phira bhI maiMne kahA- agara kisI se kahA jAya ki tuma lakavA se pIr3ita ho jAo tumhAre liye khAne-pIne kA prabandha hama kara deMge, to aisI * sahAyatA kauna cAhegA ? isakI apekSA maranA kyA burA hai / jaina jagata aisI kisI zarta para koI sahAyatA nahIM cAhatA / yaha thI jainajagata kI nIti / : varSa do varSameM koI nayA Andolana khar3A karanA aura usako acchI taraha calAnA aura usakI ucitatA siddha kara usa mAmale meM virodhiyoM ko haTAkara hI dama lenA, jainajagataHkI vizeSatA thii|

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jainajagata kA sampAdana [ 197 isase pAThakoM ko khUba nayA nayA masAlA milatA thA / yahI kAraNa . hai ki jora zora se bahiSkAra hone para bhI patra TikA rahA aura ghATe kI pUrti bhI mitroM kI tarapha se aura samAja kI tarapha se hotI rhii| isa viSaya meM saba se adhika ullekhanIya vAta hai merA aura prakAzakajI kA prema / hama donoM eka dUsare kI suvidhAoM kA pUrA khayAla rakhate the| vizeSa matabheda to thA hI nahIM, agara thor3A bahuta matabheda hotA to eka dUsare ke kArya kA samarthana karate the / yahI kAraNa hai ki jaba maiMne satyasamAja kI sthApanA kI aura patra jainasamAja ke bAhara jAne lagA taba prakAzaka jI kA kucha matabheda rahane para bhI unane barAvara merI icchA ke anusAra kAma kiyaa| yahAM taka ki jaba maiMne patra kA nAma badala kara satyasandeza karanA cAhA tava bhI unane koI itarAja na kiyA / hAlAM ki unakI icchA nAma badalane kI aura kAryakSetra badalane kI na thii| .. itanA karane ke bAda bhI jaba patra vardhA AyA taba patra para karIba 700) ru. kA RNa thA vaha bhI unane cukA diyA aura phira satyasandeza se nahIM liyaa| aise acche sahayogI mitra ke pAne se hI patra aisA kAryakSama bana skaa| . jaina jagata aura satyasandeza ke sampAdana dvArA mujhe samAjasevA kA acchA avasara milaa| yaha patra na hotA to jisa rUpameM maiM Andolaka bana sakA usa rUpameM kabhI na bana pAyA hotA , zAyada. kisI dUsare rUpameM sAhityika kSetra meM utarA hotaa| para jo kucha huA usameM jainajagata yA satyasandeza kA kAphI hAtha hai| jainajagata kA sampAdana niSphala nahIM gyaa|

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198 ] AtmakathA . . (23) vividha Andolana indora meM vijAtIya-vivAha kA AMdolana hI ganImata thA para vambaI meM itanA bhaya nahIM thA-sAtha hI 'jaina-jagata' patra hAtha meM thA isaliye prabala AMdolaka bana gayA / sudhAra ke virodha meM jo bhI Aye una saba Upara TUTa par3atA / lekhanI dvArA AkramaNa karane meM dayA-mAyAkA kucha kAma na thA / hA~, sabhyatAkA khayAla rakhatA thaa| . .sthitipAlaka dala kI nIti samAja ko bhar3akAne kI rahatI thI / vijAtIya-vivAha se samAja nahIM bhar3akatI to vidhavA-vivAha se sahI-isI nAma se samAja ko bhar3akAne lagate / kucha dina taka mujhe rajasvalA strI ko maMdira meM le jAnevAlA kahA gayA / aisI bAtoM kA yaha pariNAma hotA thA ki unapara bhI maiM lambe lambe zAstrIya vivecanApUrNa lekha yA lekhamAlAe~ likha mAratA thaa| : eka dina sudhAraka kahalAnA bhI kucha niMdAjanaka samajhA jAtA thA para vijAtIya vivAha Andolana kI saphalatA se tathA jainajagat ke AndolanoM se vaha vAta na rahI / sudhAraka aura sthitipAlaka dala varAvarI para Agaye isaliye yaha socA gayA ki kisI taraha donoM daloM meM sulaha karalI jAya / isaliye seTha hukumacandajI ke yahAM indora meM eka sulaha mITiMga kI yojanA kI gaI: 1.sudhAraka. loga isake liye bahuta kucha jhukane ko taiyAra the para itane para bhI sthitipAlaka paMDita loga rAjI na hue | unheM kucha logoM ke; khAsa kara merA, nAma mahAsabhA meM zAmila karane meM bar3I Apatti thii|

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vividha Andolana [ 199 ' yaha acchA hI huA kyoMki maiM aise samajhautoM se koI lAbha nahIM dekhatAthA.kama se kama vaha mere jIvana ke kAryakrama ke viruddha thaa| vijAtIya vivAha kA Andolana kara sakate ho para amuka amuka Andolana nahIM kara sakate, isa prakAra kI zartoM para yaha samajhautA khar3A honevAlA thA / maiM isa samajhaute para do cAra mahIne se adhika nahIM Tika sakatA thaa| mere jIvana ke kAryakrama meM to eka ke bAda eka Andolana the aura ve sirpha Andolana hI na the avasara par3ane para maiM unheM kAryapariNata karanA karAnA cAhatA thA, isaliye yaha samajhautA nizcita hI TUTa jaataa| sthitipAlaka paMDitoM ne agara yaha samajhautA svIkAra kara liyA hotA aura jaba kala vidhavA vivAha Adi kA Andolana khaDA hotA to virodhI paMDita phira uchala kUda kara sudhArakoM ko alaga karate / paMDitoM aura seThoM ko rijhAne kA mArga sudhArakoM kA nahIM honA cAhiye / maiM isa viSaya meM apanI eka hI dRr3ha nIti rakhatA thA ki janatA ke sAmane apanI sacAI yukti Adi se pragaTa karanA, sAvita karanA, isa prakAra janatA ko stabdha karake thor3e bahuta AdamiyoM ko lekara usa sudhAra ko kAryapariNata karanA / isake bAda agara janatA kA prakSobha ho to zahIda hone kI apanI taiyArI batAnA, DaTe rahanA, apanI sarcAI kA pracAra karate rahanA / isa DhaMgase dhIre dhIre sudhAra rivAja banatA hai janatA jhukatI hai bAda meM bAkI rahe sahe jhukate haiM / itanA Andolana tuma kara sakate ho aura itanA nahIM kara sakate, ina bAtoMke samajhaute meM zakti barbAda karane kI koI jarUrata nahIM hai / dhIre dhIre kisa taraha Andolana karanA yaha hama svayaM nirNaya kreNge| hama janatA kI nAr3I

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200 ] AtmakathA apane hAtha se dekheMge. janatA ke dalAloM ke hAthoM nhiiN| . . : , yahI thI merI nIti, isI nIti para maiM calA, cala rahA hUM . kadAcit bhaviSyameM gI cluuNgaa| yaha to sudhAra Andolanake saubhAgya kI bAta thI ki indora kI sulaha mITiMga asaphala rahI samajhautA na huaa| agara saphala huA hotA to sudhAra Andolana ke kucha varSa 'khAsakara mere jIvana ke kucha varSa sudhAra kI dRSTi se vyartha gaye hote| ... mere khayAla se samajhautA lena dena kI cIja hai parantu jahAM satyAsatya. kA nirNaya karanA hai rogI kI cikitsA karanA hai vahAM satya hI saba se adhika prabala hai / .... . .:Andolana jora se cala rahA thA sthitipAlaka dala Tika nahIM rahA thA isakA mukhya kAraNa yaha thA ki unane zrIgaNeza vuga kiyA thA / vijAtIya vivAha Andolana kA virodha kiyA unane jaina zAstroM ke AdhAra se, para vijAtIya vivAha ke samarthana kA sAhitya jaina zAstroM meM jitanA bharA par3A hai utanA zAyada hI kahIM ho / vAta yaha hai ki ma. mahAvIra ne jaina dharma kI sthApanA jina jina / bAtoM ke liye kI thI unameM jAti pAMti ke vandhana tor3anA bhI mukhya thaa| isaliye jaina zAstroM meM asavarNa vivAha Aryamleccha vivAhoM ke udAharaNa bhare par3e haiM | aba unakA virodha zAstra ke AdhArase karanA samAja kI AMkhoM meM dhUla jhoMkanA thaa| .. sAmAjika dRSTi se agara virodha kiyA hotA to bhI sthitipAlakoM ko saphalatA naM milatI, kyoMki kaI. alpasaMkhyaka jAtiyoM ko isakI bahuta jarUrata thI, phira bhI itanI asaphalatA na milatI / sAmAjika dRSTi se to donoM pakSa meM kucha na kucha kahane kI

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vividha Andolana [ 201 guMjAiza thI para zAstroM kI dRSTi se to vijAtIya vivAha ke virodha ' kA pakSa bilakula kamajora thA / sthitipAlaka paMDitoM se prArambha meM jo yaha bhUla hogaI so phira nahIM sudharI / aura isa kSetra meM unheM jo mu~hakI khAnA par3I usane inakI prAmANikatA ko aisA 1 dhakkA lagAyA ki Age kI bAtoM kI ghoSaNAoM kA bhI inake mu~ha se kucha mUlya na rahA / sthitipAlakoM kI isa paristhiti se mujhe kAphI bala milaa| mere pakSa kI prabalatA merI yogyatA kI prabalatA bhI mAnI jAne lgii| mujhe isase kAphI AtmavizvAsa bhI milA / Apa ise ghamaMDa bhI kaha sakate haiM kyoMki isase mujhe virodhI vidvAnoM ke na to pAMDitya para zraddhA rahI na unakI prAmANikatA para / 1 muniveSiyoM se bhir3anta : jaba sthitipAlaka dala Tika na sakA taba virodhI vidvAnoM ne jaina muniyoM kA sahArA liyA / digambara jaina samAja meM muniyoM ke 'viSaya' meM aTUTa zraddhA thI kyoMki usa samaya di. jaina muni koI the hI nahIM aura zAstroM meM muniyoM kA jo varNana milatA hai vaha atyanta zraddhotpAdaka hai / kucha samaya pahile eka muni anantakIrtti hue the jo ki bhaktoM kI galatI se Aga meM jala mare the taba se janatA kI munibhakti isa jamAne ke isa bhakti kA upayoga kucha bana gaye / inameM prAyaH sabhI muniyoM ke logoM ne liye bhI sthira ho gaI / kara lenA cAhA aura ve muni apar3ha the isaliye unako apanA mahattva banAye rakhane ke liye kucha paMDitoM kI jarUrata thI / idhara paMDita

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202] AtmakayA. yaha cAhate the ki apanI bAta kA agara ina muniyoM se samarthana karAliyA jAya to janatA ko apanI tarapha acchI taraha khIMcA jA sakegA aura sudhArakoM ko dabAyA jA skegaa| . . . . . :- jahAM taka rAjanIti kA sambandha hai, paMDitoM kI yaha cAla unake rakSaNa ke liye kAfI acchI thI / paMDitoM aura muniyoM donoM ke apane apane svArtha the isaliye donoM mila gaye / - muniyoM ne paMDitoM ke vicAroM kA samarthana kiyA paMDitoM ne muniyoM ko parama vItarAga sarvajJa Adi kahanA zurU kiyA / para 'isakA bhayaMkara pariNAma yaha huA ki ghora se ghora durAcArI munivepiyoM kA samarthana bhI paMDitoM ko karanA par3A isaliye anta meM satra kI luTiyA DuvargaI / para yaha saba pIche kI bAta thii|, pahile to jaba sudhArakoMke sAmane lar3ane ke liye muni. loga khar3e dikhAI diye taba sudhAraka bhI kiMkartavyavimUr3ha hogaye / sudhAraka patra bhI muniveSiyoM ke viSaya meM mauna .dhAraNa kiye rahe / sacamuca sudhArakoM ke sAmane eka samasyA hI . khar3I ho gii| munivepiyoM ko cher3anA bhauramachoM ke chatte meM hAtha ; DAlanA thaa| . para isa taraha cupa kaba taka rahA jAtA anta meM jainajagat ne isa morce para DaTane kI taiyArI kI / muni azikSita the zithilA'cArI bhI the isaliye eka do sajana dabI javAna se kucha kahate to the hI, khAsakara aisI AvAja .paM. gaNezaprasAdajI varNI ne nikAlI thI, para isakA kucha pariNAma nahIM ho sakatA thA, isake liye vyavasthita rIti se Andolana karane kI jarUrata thI / usa samaya jainaM

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vividha Andolana [203H jagat hI yaha kAma kara sakatA thA aura usIne kiyA / : : munidharma kI rakSA karo' isa zIrSaka se maiMne eka lekha likhA jo 1 mArca 1928 ke jainajagat meM agralekha ke rUpa meM nikalA: usameM jaina zAstroM kI dRSTi se muniveSa kI nirarthakatA, munipada kA mahatva aura ina muniyoM ke . zithilAcAra kI tarapha saMketa thA sAtha hI yaha bhI batAyA thA ki ayogya maniyoM kI purAne samaya meM kaisI chIchAledAra hotI thii| .. .. :isa lekha ke nikalate hI cAroM tarapha se gAliyoM kI bauchAra Ane lagI / sudhAraka kahalAnevAloM meM bhI virodha kiyA aura milane para lAla pIlI A~kheM dikhlaaii| para maiM davA nahIM, balki lekhanI ko aura. teja kiyA / hA~, isa bAta kA pUrA khayAla rakkhA ki koI jhUThI bAta na nikala jAya / sAtha hI apanI bAteM zAstra ke anusAra likhiiN| __ . ' isa carcA meM koI koI AkSepa aura unake uttara bar3e dilacaspa hote the| jaba vahuta se logoM ne samAcAra-patroM meM ciTThI-patrI meM yA milane para muniniMdaka kahakara mujhe khUbaM gAliyA~ dI taMtra maiMne likhA- ... . __.. gAliyoM kA svAgata karane kA avasara manuSya ko do taraha se milatA hai / jaba vaha lar3ake kI sasurAla meM jAtA hai taba samadhineM gAlI gAyA karatI haiM yA vaha sudhAraka banatA hai taba sthitipAlaka loga gAlI gAyA karate haiM-ye donoM hI avasara bar3e saubhAgya se milate haiN| pahile avasara kI to hameM AzA nahIM hai isaliye /

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204: ] AtmakathA donoM kA harSa hama eka hI avasara para manA lete haiM / . yaha thI merI bezarmI, jisake bala para maiM gAliyoM kA tathA nindA Adi kA sAmanA kiyA karatA thA / usa samaya maiM haraeka AkSepa kA uttara diyA karatA thA / isa prakAra ke uttaroM kAH saMgraha kiyA jAya to eka dilacaspa pustaka vana sakatI hai / muni--- vepiyoM ke doSoM kI AlocanA bhI aisI hI dilacaspI se vinodapUrNa tathA tarkapUrNa bhASA meM kiyA karatA thA / muniveSiyoM ko isase bahuta parezAnI uThAnA par3atI thI aura isake liye unako aura unake anuyAyioMko eka se eka bar3hakara chala se kAma lenA par3atA thA / . jyoMhI jainajagata meM unake viSaya meM aisI koI bAta prakAzita huIjisake pragaTa hone se janatA para muniyoM kA prabhAva kama ho jAyagA tyahI usa kArya ko yA rIti ko banda kiyA jAtA. Ara phira kahA jAtA- koI dekhale, yaha bAta nahIM haiM; jaina-jagata jhUTha likhatA hai / phira jaina jagat likhatA ki hamArA likhanA kahA~ taka satya thA .. aura phira kisa chala se yaha vAta banda kI gaI / para chala se hI kyoM.' na ho sudhAra kiyA isake liye dhanyavAda detA / " prArambha meM hI isa AlocanA Adi kA pariNAma yaha huA ki sammedazikhara se jaba munisaMgha lauTA jaba uttara bhArata ke logoM ne na to unheM AhAra diyA na saMgha kA sAtha diyA isake liye virodhI vidvAnoM ko parce vA~Tane par3e, lekha likhane par3he, logoM kI andhazraddhA ko uttejita karanA pdd'aa|"

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vividha Andolana [205 janasAdhAraNa meM andhazraddhA to hotI hI hai isaliye muniveSiyoM ne usakA lAbha to uThAyA aura ve Aja bhI uThA rahe haiM para eka bAra motI kA pAnI utarA so utarA / muniSa lenevAloM meM na to koI * tyAgI thA na AtmArthI na samAjasevI, ina saba ke koI na koI aihika svArtha the isaliye phira :inhIM logoM meM Apasa meM lar3AiyA~ hone lagI, kaiyoM ke durAcAra itane bar3ha gaye ki badabU se ghora se ghora andhazraddhAlu bhI nAka mu~ha sikor3ane lge| sthitipAlako. ko taba bhI inakA samarthana karanA. par3atA thA, ina paMDitoM ke samarthana.. se durAcAriyoM kI khUba bana AI para kaba taka calatI Akhira munIndrasAgara. Adi kA aisA bhaMDAphor3a huA unake , arthasaMgraha tathA. anya durAcAroM kA aisA nagna rUpa samAja ke sAmane AyA ki jaina-jagat ke aura mere ugravirodhiyoM ne bhI kahA ki jainajagata ko apana vyartha doSa dete haiM vAstava meM vaha ThIka hI likhatA hai| . . muniveSiyoM kI pUjA aba bhI hotI hai unake ThAThabATa aba bhI choTe moTe rAjAoM sarIkhe haiM para na to vaha zraddhA rahI hai na vaha praamaanniktaa| sudhAraka kahalAnevAle to jAne dIjiye para sthitipAlakoM ke pramukhapatra bhI kisI na kisI munivapI kA virodha kiyA karate haiN| muniveSiyoM kI nindA se hI aMba koI muninindaka yA mithyAdRSTi nahIM kahalAtA / para isase bhI bar3I bAta jo huI vaha yaha ki unake vacanoM kI prAmANikatA naSTa ho gaI hai| muni ke zabdoM kA virodha karanA Agama virodha hai, aisI mAnyatA aba nahIM rahI hai / logoM ne samajha liyA hai ki muniyoM kA jJAna se. yA vicAra

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2.06- ] se koI sambandha nahIM hai / Atma-kathA 4: aba kisI sudhAra Andolana ke virodha meM muniveziyoM kA upayoga hai jitanA sAdhAraNa upayoga nirarthaka hai athavA itanA hI AdamI kA hotA hai / sthitipAlakoM ne sudhArakoM kA virodha karane ke liye muniveSiyoM kA jo upayoga kiyA usase kucha samaya ke liye sudhAra Andolana ko dhakkA avazya lagA; usase kucha samaya aura zakti varbAda bhI huI para isase sudhArakoM kI apekSA sthitipAlakoM kA adhika nukasAna huA, anta meM saba ke pApa kA phala samAja ko bhoganA par3A | agara muniveSiyoM kI oTa na lIjAtI aura svargIya paM. gopAladAsajI ke samaya meM paMDitoM kI jo manovRtti thI vahI rahatI to kama se kama nimnalikhita lAbha avazya hue hote | = . 1 - muniveSiyoM meM ucchRMkhalatA durAcAra Adi kA itanA praveza na. huA hotA jitanA hogayA ; 2 - munivaiSiyoM kA upayoga samAja hitakArI aneka kAmoM meM huA hotA / . 3- samAja meM andhazraddhA na var3hI hotI aura usake pIche pIche lAkhoM rupayoM kA jo nAza huA vaha bahuta kama huA hotA / 4 - muni saMsthA vyavasthita aura saMgaThita banI hotI aura usameM zikSA kA pracAra huA hotA / 5 vidvAnoM meM vicArakatA aura unake jIvana kI upayogitA: adhika rahI hotI / .. ***

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vividha Andolana [207 ... 6-durAcAra ke zikAra hokara yA logoM kI vivekahIna bhakti ke zikAra hokara jina muniveSiyoM ko marajAnA par3A unheM na maranA par3A hotaa| ... ..... . . . .7-jainetara jagata para jo burI chApa par3I vaha na par3I hotI na sAmpradAyika dveSa itanA vaDhA hotaa.| . : . .::. .: . 8-bahutasI naI dalabandiyA~ khar3I na huI hotii|.. . .. aura bhI aisI hI kucha bAteM kahIM jA sakatI haiN| : ... ... khaira, isake sivAya aura kyA kahA jAya ki jo honA thA so huaa| samAja kI bahuta sI hAni karake yaha muniveSikAMDa bhI.khatma huA / . . . . . . . . :: .: . : . vidhavAvivAha kA Andolana .... jaina paMDitoM meM aura unake saMsarga se jaina muniyoM meM yaha vImArI. A gaI thI ki jaba ve vijAtIya-vivAha Adi kI carcA meM nahIM jIta pAte the taba sudhArakoM ko vidhavA-vivAha kA pakSapAtI kahane lagate the| isa viSaya meM sudhArakoM kI pA~ca zreNiyAM thiiN|| 1-eka to ve jo vijAtIya-vivAha Adi ke samarthaka the para vidhavAvivAha ke virodhI the| .... . - 2-vidhavA-vivAha ke samarthaka the para samAja meM apanA sthAna banAye rakhane ke liye usakA virodha karate the| . . . . . ... 3-bAtacIta meM vidhavA-vivAha kA samarthana karate the para janatA ke sAmane kisI bahAne se nikala bhAgate the yA davI javAna meM virodha karate the|

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208 ] AtmakathA ...4-vidhavA vivAha kA pracAra nahIM karate the para koI una se pUche to varAvara samarthana karate the| 5-vidhavA-vivAha ke pracAraka the / paMDita loga pahilI tIna zreNI ke logoM ko bArabAra cher3ate the aura samAjameM unako vidhavA-vivAha ke pakSapAtI ke rUpa meM ghoSita karate the| na. zItalaprasAdajI ukta pAMca zreNiyoM meM se dUsarI zreNI ke the| unheM isa bAta meM adhika se adhika satAyA jAtA thA / samAoM meM unase vidhavA-vivAha ke virodha meM vulavAyA jAtA thaa| paMDita loga samajhate the ki eka samAja-sevaka vyakti ko bAra bAra apane dila ko coTa pahuMcAne ko vivaza karanemeM hamArI jIta hotI hai / bramhacArI jI meM bhI eka taraha kI kamajorI thI, isa taraha ve apanI ijjata bacAne meM hI kalyANa samajhate the / . eka bAra unane mujha se . kahA thA-mere vicAra vidhavA-vivAha ke samarthaka haiM lekina mujhameM itanI himmata nahIM hai ki maiM unheM jIte jI pragaTa kara sakU para jaba marane laMgUMgA taba likha avazya jAUMgA / ...... paMDitoM ko agara-vidhavA-vivAha kA pracAra hI rokanA hotA, sudhArakoM ko girAne kA bhAva na hotA, to ve brahmacArI jI sarIkhe logoM kI kabhI cher3akhAnI na karate, isa taraha unheM apane pakSa samarthanameM vizepalAma huA hotA / para aisA mAlUma hotA haiM ki paMDitoM ko vidhavAvivAhake virodhakI utanI cintA nahIM thI jitanI sudhArakoM ' ko girAkara apanA sthAna samAja meM UMcA banAye rakhane kI cintA thii| isI bhAva ke Aveza meM unane bra. zItalaprasAdajI ko itanA

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vividha Andolana [ 209 ' taMgakriyA * ki unheM apane vicAra pragaTa kara dene pdd'e| . ". : ....: pragaTa to kara diye para isa bAta ko lekara agara vijAtIya- vivAha Andolana..kI taraha ugra Andolana na macAyA jAya to badanAmI ke sivAya aura kucha bhI hAtha AnevAlA nahIM hai, isabAta ko saba samajhate the| . . . . . . . vidhavAvivAha "kA Andolana 'isake pahile bhI cala cukA thA / sva. zrI dayAcandajI goyalIya ne kucha samaya taka yaha Andolana khUba calAyA thA, zrI nAthUrAmajI premI, zrI sUrajabhAnunI vakIla / Adi ne bhI jora lagAyA thA itanA honepara bhI vaha Andolana ThaMDA par3a cukA thA / vidhavAvivAha kA samarthaka honA taMtra bhI lajA kI bAta samajhI jAtI thii| - vAta yaha hai ki vidhavAvivAha ke viSaya meM dharmazAstra kI dRSTise vicAra na huA thA yAM bahuta kama huA thA aura usake samarthana meM bhASA bhI paMDitAU nahIM thii| sAdhAraNataH samarthana kA rukha yaha hotA thA ki 'vidhavAvivAha dharmaviruddha bhale hI ho para yaha samaya kI AvazyakatA hai. isaliye usakA pracAra honA cAhiye / ' . . . samAja kI paristhiti jaisI hai, vaha dharma se na sahI para dharma ke nAma se jaisI cipaTI hai, use dekhate hue kisI sadiviruddha bAta kA dharmaviruddha kahate hue bhI pracAra karanA eka TAMga se daur3anA hai| vidhavAvivAha ke samarthana meM merI nIti kula judI thI maiM use dharmAnumodita hI nahIM, jainadharma kA Avazyaka aMga siddha karanA cAhatA thaa| merI nIti kA to kisI ko patA na thA yA bahuta kama ko

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210 ] AtmakathA thA para maiM usakA samarthaka hUM. yaha bAta bahutoM ko mAlUma thI / para merI paristhiti kaThina thI / vijAtIya vivAha ke Andolana ke kAraNa. maiM eka jagaha se nikAlA gayA thA aba vidhavAvivAha ke Andolana ke kAraNa bhagAyA jAUM athavA na bhagAyA jAUM to jina saMsthAoM :. meM kAma karatA hUM una ko samAja ke kopakA zikAra banAUM, do meM se kisI eka liye bhI merI taiyArI na thI / udhara na. zItalasAdajI para 'cAroM .. tarapha se bauchAreM par3a rahI thI agara usa samaya vidhavAvivAha ke samarthana meM Andolana nahIM calAyA jAtA to tra. jI eka vikaTa isa bAta ko koI sudhAraka na cAhatA saMkaTa meM par3a jAte, thA para kiyA kyA jAya / . jI ke do-do tIna-tIna dina meM patra Ate the ki 'mujhe dhairya ba~dhAiye, Andolana zurU kIjiye, paMDitoM kA sAmanA kIjiye Adi ' merA bhI mana uchala rahA thA para paristhiti lagAma khIMca rahI thI / mA~ . * vaise merI icchA khuda hI kisI DhaMga se do-tIna varSa bAda 'vidhavA-vivAha kA Andolana uThAne kI thI / muniveSiyoM ke sAtha bhir3anA zurU hI kiyA thA / isa morce ko ThikAne lAne ke bAda vidhavA-vivAha-AndolanaH uThAne kI icchA thI / eka sAtha donoM Andolana calAne meM kAma kA bojha to bar3hatA hI thA sAtha hI eka sAtha sAmAjika vikSobha bhI itanA bar3hatA thA ki usakA sAmanA karanA kaThina thA / : ' para paristhiti kucha bhI ho, avasara Andolana khar3A karane kA AgayA thA / isI samaya vairisTara campatarAya jI ne vidhavA vivAha ke

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vividha Andolana 211 prazna.paraM carcA karane ke liye 31 prazna bheje / be. maiMne jaina-jagata meM chapA diye aura likhA ki vidhavA-vivAha ke viSaya meM jainajagataM' . kI nIti. madhyastha sarIkhI rahegI, vaha. donoM pakSoM ke lekha chApegA / ... para isake bAda bhI gAr3I ar3I rhii| kisI bhI pakSa kA lekha nahIM aayaa| virodhI loga acche DhaMga se una praznoM kA uttara dene ko taiyAra na the aura samarthakoM meM bhI zAstrIya dRSTi se koI likhanevAlA na thaa| mujhe to donoM pakSoM ke lekhoM kI jarUrata thii| jaina jagata kI madhyasthatA yA apanI madhyasthatA batalAnI thii| ___ . . . isake liye mujhe hI saba svAMga karane par3e / vidhavAvivAha ke virodha meM eka choTA lekha eka dharmapremI' ke nAma se maiMne likhaa| isake bAda bArI AI vidhavAvivAha ke samarthana ke lekha kii| vaha . mujhe likhanA thA, para likha kisa nAma se ? ekAdha sajana ne kahA ki Apa mere nAma kA upayoga kara sakate haiM. para maiM yaha jAnatA thA ki ekAdha lekha likhane se kAma na caleMgI, yaha to varSoM kA ragar3A hai isaliye kavaM taka dUsaroM ke nAma se ligaa| .... . dUsarI bAta yaha ki isa Andolana ke calAne meM jo ___ varSoM taka paMDitAI kA pradarzana honevAlA thA usakA zreya dUsare ko kaise detA : itanI udAratA to zAyada Aja bhI dikhAnA par3e to AgA pIchA socanA par3egA phira usa samaya kI to bAta hI kyA hai| .. .. anta meM maiMne 'savyasAcI' nAma rakhakara vidhavAvivAha ke " samarthana meM lekha. likhanA zurU kiyA / isa nAma ke rakhane meM mala. kAraNa paMDitAI kA ghamaMDa thA / vijAtIya vivAha ke.Andolana meM

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- 212:1 - AtmasthA mujhe jo saphalatA milI thI usake kAraNoM meM thor3e bahuta aMzoM meM paMDitAI bhI thI. para usase jyAdA thIM zramazIlatA aura saba se jAdA thA. zAstroM meM vijAtIyavitrA kA samarthana / isaliye vijAtIya vivAha kI saphalatA meM mujhe ghamaMDa karane kA paryApta karaNa na thA para ___ ghamaMDa AgayA : jarUra, isaliye jaba vidhavAvivAha ke prakaraNa meM ___paMDitoM kA sAmanA karane kA avasara AyA taba maiMne apanA nAma savyasAcI rakkhA... ... . : . . . .: . savyasAcI arjuna kA nAma hai aura arjuna aisA dhanurdhara huA hai jisake Age, koI Tika, na sakatA thA ... mere sAmane koI Tika nahIM.sakatA. isa. ghamaMr3a meM Akara maiMne apanA nAma bhI arjuna ke . samAna rakkhA / aura arjuna ke bahuta se nAmoM meM se jo savyasAcI'. kA cunAva kiyA vaha ghamaMDa kI sImA thI, use vidyAmada taka kahA jA sakatA hai / satya vAyeM hAtha ko kahate haiM arjuna - vAyeM hAtha se. bhI vANa chor3a sakatA thA isaliye. usakA nAma savyasAcI thA / , maiMne manameM socA ki virodhiyoM ko maiM vAyeM hAtha se bhI parAsta kara sakatA hUM isaliye maiM savyasAcI banagayA / . . . : . kisI samaya jo mujhameM dInatA thI usAse mujhameM yaha unmAda, yA ahaMkAra AgayA thA / aura jaise logoM se bhir3anA thA unakI mano. vRtti bhI isI taraha kI thI isaliye bhI isa kSudratA ko uttejana milaa| .. khaira, isa taraha. savyasAcI banakara vidhavAvivAha kA khuba samarthana kiyaa| eka bAra kalyANI devI ke nAma se apane lekhoM kA virodha bhI kiyA phira vahina kalyANI: ke lekha kA savyasAcI, " . . . .

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vividha Andolana 21.3. " ... ke nAma se uttara diyA. isa prakAra nATaka ke pAtra kI taraha nAnA rUpa dhara kara vidhavAvivAha pracAra kA khela khelanA pdd'aa| isa carcA meM jainadharma ke aneka siddhAntoM kI kAphI carcA huI aura vidhavAvivAha samyaktra ke anukUla, aNuvrata kA aMga, sadAcAra-poSaka aura aneka taraha se samAja ke liye hitakArI siddha kiyA gyaa| yaha sva-carcA zrI jauharImalajI sarrApha dillI ne pustakAkAra bhI chapAI, karIba 300 pRSThoM meM yaha carcA niklii| do tIna varSa taka mujhe vidhavAvivAha para kAphI likhanA par3A aura jaba virodhiyoM meM koI virodha, karane ke liye. Age Ane-: vAlA na rahA tabhI maiMne bhI yaha carcA DhIlI. kI / brahmacArI zItalaprasAdajI ko jaba koI caileJja detA thA taba vaha mere pAsa AjAtA thA aura phira vaha saba carcA meM nipaTatA thaa| isa carcA kA kAphI.. acchA pariNAma huA, aba vidhavAvivAha ke samarthana meM kisIko lajjA na rahI na.dhavirAdha kA. Dara rahA / ::;:.... . .. - ina AndolanoM ke sivAya sana . 1931 : taka aura bhI vizeSa Andolana hueM / digambara jaina samAja meM. jo : mAnyatAe~. thIM. . unameM kAphI sudhAra kiyA gayA / pravRtti nivRtti, lokAcAra kA: kA sthAna, AcAra zAstra meM, parivartana, : strI mukti, digambaratva, . zAstroM meM AI huI vaijJAnika mAnyatAoM kI AlocanA. Adi ko lekara aneka lekha likhe.. jagaha jagaha carcA bhI kI, purAne bhaktoM kA. ghRNApAMtra bhI, vanA, para ..dRr3hatA aura ahaMkAra . kA . aisA mizraNa hogayA thA ki nindA Adi..se Darakara pIche haTanemeM mautase bhI.

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. 214.] Atma-kathA adhika kaSTa mAlUma hotA thA / bambaI Ane para. cAra-pAMca varSa meM kAphI Andolana kiyA, nirbhayaMtA aura bhI bar3ha gaI aura aisA anubhava karane lagA ki maiM aba niHpratidvanda hU~ / aba likhane kA kSetra kAphI phaila gayA - hara viSaya para nirbhayatA aura niHsaMkoca bhAva se kalama calAne lgaa| likhane ke liye naI naI bAteM DhU~DhanA yA lekhana meM itanA parivartana karanA ki usameM kucha navInatA rahe yaha prayatna to sadA se thA / phira bhI kabhI kabhI yaha khayAla Ane laMgA ki aba to saba Andolana samApta ho gaye, kucha aMzoM .meM ve kAryapariNata bhI ho rahe haiM unako uttejana dene ke sivAya kucha nayA Andolana aura cAhiye / kucha aisA mAlUma hotA hai ki . naye naye Andolana khar3e karane kA vyasana ho gayA thaa| so maiM isake liye nayA viSaya DhU~Dhane lagA yA yoM kahanA cAhiye ki abhI maiM apane dhyeya ke mArga meM hI thA isaliye Age bar3hane kI koziza karane lgaa| ; . . AndolanoM ke viSaya meM merI eka alaga nIti thii| kucha purAne sudhAraka merI isa nIti kI AlocanA kiyA karate the aura upadeza bhI diyA karate the ki likhate.jAo.kahate jAo. para- uttara . 'pratyuttaraH khaNDana maNDana ke jhagar3e meM na pdd'o| mere khayAla se yaha nIti ThIka nahIM hai kyoMki apanI bAta bolane para jaba . virodhI ___ * usakA khaMNDana karate haiM aura hama unake virodha kA uttara nahIM dete. to samAja ke Upara hamAre vicAroM kI sAI kI. chApa nahIM raha jaatii| virodhI loga yaha ghoSaNA karane lagate haiM ki inheM to jo mana meM AyA so vakanA hai satyAsatya kA nirNaya thor3e hI. karanA

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* vividha Andolana. [ 215 hai / dUsarI bAta yaha hai ki jaba taka uttara pratyuttara ke jiye hamArI taiyArI nahIM hotI taba taka hama kisI viSaya meM sarvAMgINa vicAra nahIM kara pAte / apanI apanI hAMkane kI ciMtA meM ucita anucita kA vicAra kama raha pAtA hai| yahI kAraNa hai ki purAne sudhArakoM ne bahuta kucha likhakara bhI apane vicAroM kI chApa jaisI cAhiye vaisI nahIM DAla pAI, purAne paMDitoM ke dila para apanI chApa na mAra pAI / " merI nIti haraeka bAta para anta taka uttara pratyuttara karane kI rahI hai | isase samAja ke Upara tathA virodhI bandhuoM ke Upara to chApa baiThatI hI thI sAtha hI sarvAMgINa vicAra karane kA kAphI avasara bhI milatA thA aura usakI cintA rahatI thI / jisa bAta kA maiM samarthana karanA cAhatA, usakA khaNDana maNDana meM apane Apa hI kara DAlatA thA / apane vicAroM kA AlocanA karatA thA aura hara eka / agara mujhe yaha mAlUma par3e ki meM virodhI canakara pahile maiM khUba AlocanA kA uttara detA thA isa tarka kA yA isa vicAra kA tarka yA vicAra chor3a detA thA karane va pahile hI kara letA thA sAdhya akATya hotI thI / usakI majabUtI se bhI adhika bar3hatA thA / / uttara nahIM de yaha saba vicAra pAtA hUM to aisA vicAroM ko pragaTa isase bAta khUna sApha aura yathA vicAroM kA mUlya kucha bhAiyoM kA kahanA thA ki yo virodhiyoM kA uttara kahA~ taka diyA jAyagA / ve to kucha na kucha vakte hI raheMge hameM to bahuta sA kAma karanA hai aisI carcAoM meM ulajhakara raha jAyeMge to kaise calegA !

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.. 216 ] : AtmakathA :- merA anubhava isase ulTA thA / sAtha hI vicAra se bhI ___ yaha bAta: ThIka na mAlUma hotI thI / anubhava to mujhe yaha huA ki unase ugra virodhI bhI,. jahA~ taka maiM smaraNa karatA hUM, mujhe koI aisA.na.milA jo uttara pratyuttara meM [likhane meM] tInavAra se adhika TikA ho| tIsarI bAra meM prAyaH sabhI cupa hue / isa prakAra asIma carcA kA avasara nahIM aayaa.| . . . . . . . . vicAra yaha hai ki agara hamAre pakSameM sacAI hai to virodhI ko do tInavAra kI carcA ke bAda mauna rahanA par3egA, athavA use aisA nirargala pralApI yA TAlaMbAja bananA paDegA ki jo usa carcA ko par3hegA vahI usakI kamajorI ko samajha legaa| jaba apanI bAta itanI sApha siddha hojAya ki virodhI ke samarthana na karane para bhI sAdhAraNa janatAM para apane vicAroM kI chApa laga jAya bhale hI kaha mAne yA na mAne] to vahA~ carcA chor3I jA sakatI hai| virodhI * duniyA ko saralatA se dhokhA de sakatA hai para apane ko aisI sarala. tAse dhokhA nahIM de sakatA / isaliye apane yuktiyukta uttaroM kA asara virodhI para par3anA hI hai aura usakI chAyA kisI na kisI rUpameM cAroM tarapha phailatI hai / isa prakAra kisI eka carcA meM jana dasta pratidvandiyoM kI uttara dekara Age bar3hanA ThIka hotA hai / . . vijAtIya vivAha vidhavAvivAha jainadharma kA marma, Adi Ando laeNnoM meM maiMne isI nIti se kAma liyA / apanI bAta kahanA, viroyoM ko usa para khUna vicAra karane denA; unake vaktavya kI upekSAna karanA; tavanirNaya aura tatvapracAra donoM dRSTiyoM se: upayogI hai|

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vividha Andolana [: 217 * . hAM, eka bAta avazya hai ki carcA ke pIche jahAM koI vidhAyaka kAryakrama ho vahAM kucha samaya kI carcA ke bAda aura eka niHpakSa vicAraka ko vicAra kI kAphI sAmagrI dene ke bAda vidhAyaka kAryakrama ko amala meM lAne kI koziza bhI karanA caahiye| kyoMki bahutasI bAteM aisI hotI haiM ki jaba taka unheM kAryapariNata na karo taba taka virodha banA hI rahatA hai| vijAtIyavivAha vidhavAvivAha ke Andolana isI DhaMga ke the / isaliye bAda meM unheM kriyAtmaka rUpa dene kA prayatna bhI huA / phira bhI hara hAlata meM dUsaroM ko carcA kA avasara denA aura unakI bAta para upekSA na karanA Avazyaka hai / 7 " hAM, kisI vipayameM gambhIra carcA hojAne ke bAda kucha virodhI loga piSTapeSaNa Adi nirarthaka carcA karate rahate haiM unapara upekSA kI jAsakatI hai para koI naI yukti Ave usapara upekSA na karanA cAhiye / Aja dezameM aise bhI vyakti haiM jo apane anubhava kI duhAI dekara tathA virodhI ke vaktavyoM para pUrI upekSA karake apanI bAta duniyA ke sAmane rakhate haiM usa meM ve kucha na kucha saphala bhI hote haiM phira bhI merI nIti vahI hai jo Upara likha AyA hUM * anubhava kI duhAI yA dUsare mata kI upekSA ke viSaya meM mere ye vicAra rahe haiM / 1 - anubhava kI duhAI yahA~ asarakAraka hotI hai jahA~ manuSya apane aneka vicAroM ko kAryapariNata kara cukA hotA hai aura unakI saphalatA kI chApa duniyA para baiThI hotI hai / .

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218 ] AtmakathA 2 - aise loga bhI jaba bhItara kI AvAja Adi kI duhAI dekara apanI bAta kahate haiM aura vicAra kA pUrA avasara nahIM dete tatra unase pahAr3a sarIkhI bhUleM ho jAyA karatI haiM ve apanI bhUloM ko svIkAra karake duniyA para apanI namratA to lAda sakate haiM para bhUloM ke duSpariNAma ko nahIM roka sakate / 3 - jahA~ adhika tarka vitarka kA avasara na ho, turaMta hI kucha na kucha kartavya karanA ho, jaise yuddha ke morce para, yahA~ sirpha anubhava Adi se kAma calajAtA hai gupta rahasya meM bhI yahI bAta hai / 4 - jina bAtoM para aneka pahaluoM se gambhIratApUrvaka vicAra kiyA jA cukA hai unhIM ko jaba koI phira phira lAtA hai usa meM koI naI bAta nahIM hotI tava upekSA karanA par3atI hai / - matalaba yaha ki virodhI aura madhyasthoM ko bolane ke liye kama se kama avasara denA, kucha samaya bAda vicAroM ko kAryapariNata karane kI koziza karanA andolana ke viSaya meM merI nIti thI / Andolana karane ke jitane sAdhana mere pAsa the una sabakA upayoga maiM karatA thA / carcA vyAkhyAna Adi kI apekSA lekhana hI sabase bar3A sAdhana thA / para lekhana ke DhaMga nAnA the / kavitA, kahAniyA~, aitihAsika ardha aitihAsika ghaTanAoM kA apane raMga se citraNa, saMvAda, TippaNiyA~ lekha Adi jitane DhaMga se likhakara maulikatA lAI jA sakatI thI maiM lAne kI koziza karatA thA / ! bIca meM maiMne ' dharmarahasyam ' nAmakA eka saMskRta padyamaya graMtha 'likhanA zuru kiyA jisameM gautama aura zreNika ke saMvAda ke rUpa

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vividha Andolana [ 219 meM jAtipA~ti varNavyavasthA Adi para kAphI carcA thI / carcA kucha dilacaspa bhI thI aura gaMbhIra tathA maulika bhI thI, phira bhI usake do tIna sau zloka banAkara hI raha gayA, kyoMki gautama ke mu~ha se bhaviSya kahalAyA gayA thA para bAda meM bhaviSya kahalAnA mujhe ThIka na mAlUma huA, kyoMki aise alaukika jJAnoM kI andhazraddhApUrNa mAnyatA gauNarUpa meM bhI pragaTa karanA mujhe arucikara hogayA thaa| dUsarI bAta yaha ki Andolana kA kSetra var3ha jAne se usa saMkucita carcA ke viSaya meM likhane se jI Uba gayA thA / / * dharmarahasyam pandraha pandraha bIsa bIsa zloka ke Tukar3oM meM patra meM prakAzita hotA thA sAtha meM anuvAda aura bhAvArtha bhI hotA thA / yadyapi maiM saMskRta aura prAkRta meM prantharacanA kA virodhI hUM phira bhI 'jaise ko taise kI nIti ke anusAra cAla calane ke liye maiMne yaha tUphAna khar3A kiyA / " saMskRta meM graMtha likhA jAya aura usameM gautama gaNadhara ke mu~ha se sudhArakoM kI tArIpha karAI jAya unake mata kA samarthana karAyA jAya sthitipAlakoM kI mUr3hatA ko kosAjAya, yaha saba tUphAna hI thA / jaina zAstroM meM zAstra kI paribhASA kucha bhI likhI ho para janasAdhAraNa kA isa viSaya meM itanA patana ho gayA hai [ usameM vidvAnoM kA bhI samAveza kiyA jA sakatA hai ] ki zAstra kI pari. bhASA unakI najara meM yahI raha gaI hai ki jo graMtha saMskRta yA prAkRta bhASA meM banA ho, jisameM jinendra ko namaskAra kiyA gayA ho aura banAnevAlA mara gayA ho vaha zAla | maiMne dharmarahasyam banAkara zAla :

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220 ] . . Atma-kathA kI do zarte to pUrI taraha kara hI dI thIM, raha gaI thI tIsarI zarta / marane kI, so soMcatA thA apanI mauta se yA ina AndolanoM se paidA honevAle vikSobha se mAre jAne ke kAraNa maranA to hai hI, basa . mara jAne para tIsarI zarta bhI pUrI hojAyagI isa prakAra pichale hajAra varSa meM jo vikRta zAstra vanaMgaye haiM saMskRta meM jo jAlI graMtha racanA huI hai usakI prAmANikatA kI kalaI khula jaaygii| zAstra se zAstra lar3Akara yukti tarka ke liye maidAna sApha kara diyA jaaygaa| jainadharma meM parIkSakatA para itanA jora diyA gayA hai ki di. jaina samAja meM zAstroM kI aisI paribhASA bana jAnA Azcarya kI bAta hai / yaha paribhASA yadyapi likhI nahIM gaI para vyavahAra meM mAnI avazya gaI / isIliye jaba dharmarahasyam nikalA taba bar3I ghabarAhaTa phailI, isa anartha (8) ko rokane ke liye bar3e bar3e anurodha patra aura dhamakI ke patra Ane lage / seTha tArAcandajI para jora DAlA gayA ki ve isa anartha ko rukavAveM / para na to tArAcandajI ke vicAra mujha se bhinna raha gaye the, na merI prakRti aisI thI ki isa prakAra davAva meM Akara dharmarahasya likhanA rokadUM / isaliye kaI mahIne taka maiM likhatA rahA aura virodhI vandhu bhI kalikAla Adi kI duhAI dekara aura dharmanAza (8) anivArya samajhakara capa baiTha gaye / . .. ina AndolanoM ne mujhe vicAraka banane, uttara pratyuttara karane, dhamakI meM, na Ane Adi kI bahuta bAteM sikhAI, himmata bhI bar3hI,' samAja kA manovaijJAnika anubhava bhI huA, lekhanI kA.. vazIkaraNa bhI kucha hogayA / ... . . . . . ........

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jainadharma kA marma [221 mere jIvana kI kalI Akhira thI hI kitanI sI, isaliye usakA phala bhI choTA sA vanA, para usako khilane kA bahutasA zreya ina AndolanoM ko diyA jA sakatA hai / [24] jainadharma kA marma bambaI meM Anapara tInoM sampradAyoM se mega gaharA tAlluka hogayA thA / sthAnakavAsI sampradAya ke mukhapatra jainaprakAza kA to mukhya lekhaka thA aura karIba dasa varSa taka arthAt jaba taka mumbaI rahA taba taka mukhya lekhaka rahA isaliye sthAnakavAsI samAja kI samasyAe~ aura una logoM kI manovRttiyoM se kAphI paricita huA / mUrtipUjaka zvetAmbara sampradAya ke vidyAlaya meM nyAya aura mAgadhI tathA dharmazAstra kA adhyApaka thA isaliye unase bhI kAphI paricaya bar3hA, digambara samAja se to janma kA hI paricaya thA / eka to vambaI Ane ke pahile hI kucha vicArakatA aura niSpakSatA ArgaI thI, indora meM hI meM sthAnakavAsI aura mUrtipUjaka zvetAmbara sAdhuoM se milatA julatA thaa| baMbaI Anepara tInoM sampradAya ke sAhitya dekhane se vicArakatA tathA niSpakSatA ko aura bhI paSTi milI aura eka samaya aisA AgayA ki jaba majhe tIno sampradAyoM meM vikAra najara Ane laMga aura yaha socane lagA ki tInoM meM jainatva hai para yaha tInoM meM vikRta hai, isaliye merA dhyAna isa tarapha jAne lagA ki tInoM sampradAyoM kI ekatA se kI jAya aura tInoM meM Aye hue vikAra kaise haTAye jaay|. .

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222] AtmakathA isI bAta ko lekara ahamadAbAda kI paryuSaNa vyAkhyAna mAlA meM maiMne tInoM sampradAyoM kI ekatA para vyAkhyAna diyA / usameM matabhedoM ko gauNakara yA samanvaya karake tInoM sampradAyoM ko milAkara eka jainatva para jora diyA gayA thA / aba maiM Andolana ke liye aisA hI koI viSaya cAhatA thaa| jainadharma ke gahare adhyayana se maiM isa nizcaya para pahu~ca gayA thA ki Aja ke vaijJAnika yuga meM ye purAne dharma apane jyoM ke tyoM rUpameM Tika nahIM sakate / bhUgola Adi kA prazna sAmane Anepara jaina vidvAnoM ko kisa prakAra bagaleM jhAMkanA par3atI haiM yaha maiM choTe se hI dekhatA AtA thA, prANizAstra kI khoja aba itanI huI hai ki purAnI mAnyatAe~ bahuta sI badalanA par3eMgI, dravyakSetra kAla bhAva bhI aisA badala gayA hai ki jainAcAra ke purAne niyama aba utane upayogI nahIM haiM, kAlamoha Adi ke kAraNa bhI jaina zAstroM meM vikAra ghusa gaye haiM yaha bhI samajhatA thA / yaha saba thA para jaina saMskAroM meM janma se hI rahane ke kAraNa jainadharma kA moha bahuta thA / mahAvIra svAmI para asAdhAraNa bhakti thI isaliye mana hI mana socA karatA thA ki merA jainadharma aisA akATya bana jAya ki kaTTara se kaTTara nAstika aura bar3e se bar3A vaijJAnika usakA khaNDana na kara sake; aisA vizAla bana jAya ki eziyA yarupa Adi sabhI dezoM ke loga use apanAsakeM aisA sudharajAya ki Aja kI paristhati ke liye vilakula maujUM ho| .. eka tarapha niSpakSa vicArakatA dUsarI tarapha jainadharma kA - moha donoM kI gujara kaise ho isI cintA meM rahanelaga / itane meM ekabAra . .: kalakatte ke bAvU choTelAla jI seTha tArAcanda jI ke yahA~ baiThe the|

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jainadharma kA marma [223 akasmAt maiM bhI pahu~ca gayA, unane jainadharma ke viSaya meM kucha prazna kiye / maiMne kahA-sAdhAraNataH ina praznoMke viSaya meM jaina paMDitoM kA jaisA uttara hotA hai vaisA hI uttara dUM yA apane naye vicAroMke DhaMga se uttara duuN| unane kahA- purAne DhaMga ke uttara no maiM bahuta suna cukA hUM maiM Apake svataMtra vicAra sunanA cAhatA huuN| jaba maiMne naye DhaMga se uttara diye taba ve bahuta prasanna aura cakita huye / unane kahA-Apa to apane asAdhAraNa vicAra isa taraha kyoM chipAye huye hai inheM samAja ke sAmane kyoM nahIM lAte ? maiMne kahA ki jainadharma ke sabhI anuyogoM ke viSaya meM mere khAsa aura gambhIra vicAra hai| Aja taka samAjasudhAra Adi ke viSaya meM jo maiMne gambhIra vicAra samAja ke sAmane rakkhe hai unapara maiMne vo cupacApa vicAra kiyA hai phira pUrA nizcaya hojAne para aura kAphI pramANa ekatrita honepara maiMne unheM samAja ke sAmane rakkhA hai / jainadharma ke viSaya meM jo maiM vicAra pragaTa karane vAlAI ve Aja taka ke vicAroM se kaI guNe krAntikArI hai isaliye unheM pragaTa karane meM aura bhI adhika sAvadhAnI rakhanA cAhatA hUM pAMca varSa bAda meM ve vicAra samAja ke sAmane rkkhNgaa| pA~ca varSa !' nahIM sAhiba, pAMca varSa bahuta hote haiM Apa ko agara phira vicAra karanA hai to khuzI se kIjiye para eka bAra unheM samAja ke sAmane rakha to dIjiye phira unapara jaba carcA cale taba usapara vicAra karake Apa phira sudhAra krnaa| pAMca varSa taka Apa ina vicAroM ko rokakara rakheMge, zina na jAne pAMca varga meM kyA ho?

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22.4 ] AtmakathA . unakA bhAva meM acchI taraha samajha gayA / mere saba vicAroM ko jAnane kI utsukatA aura usa. utsukatA se paidA honevAlA Akasmika, vighna, kA. bhaya,, unakI utAvalI kA kAraNa thA / para pAMca varSa kI vATa dekhane ke mere vahAne meM jo kAraNa the unakA ullekha. maiM na kara sakA / pahilI bAta yaha thI ki maiM jAnatA thA ki ina vicAroM ke pragaTa kara dene para mujhe phira AjIvikA se hAtha dhonA par3egA isaliye socatA thA ki pAMca varSa aura nikala jaoNya to maiM Arthika dRSTi se itanA samartha hojAUMgA ki naukarI kiye vinA apanI garIvI gujara skuuNgaa| . . . dUsarI bAta yaha thI ki Aja taka maiMne jitane Andolana kiye the unameM pUrA nirNaya kiye binA koI bAta nahIM likhI thI isaliye..adhika se adhika aura U~ce se UMce. virodhiyoM ke rahane para bhI meM apanI vAtapara dRr3ha raha: sakA thA, antataka usakA samarthana bhI kara sakA thA / aba agara.aisI bAteM likhane lagUM jinheM kala badalanA par3e to isase kucha ghamaMDa ko Thesa pahuMcatI thii| ... . : yadyapi,meM parivartana karane.. aura satya. ko grahaNa karane ko taiyAra thA para aneka kAraNoM se aisA ghamaMDa AgayA thA ki jo 'satya kala dUsaroM ke sujhAne se mAnanA par3egA use kucha samaya Thahara kara maiM hI.kyoM na khoja nikAlUM / isa prakAra Aja taka jamAI huI dhAka kI rakSA, yazololupatA ahaMkAra Adi aneka kAraNa aise the ki maiM pUrA vicAra kiye binA lekhamAlA likhane ko taiyAra na thaa| ... , yadyapi ye donoM kamajoriyA~. maiM zrI choTelAlajI se. na kaha sakA phira bhI maiMne svIkAratA de. dI / kyoMki unakI yaha bAta

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jainadharma kA marma [225 mujhe bhI jacI ki pAMca sAla meM na jAne kyA ho ? para maiMne yaha 'soca liyA ki lekhamAlA pUrNa vicAra ke sAtha likhI jaaygii| dUsaroM kI pakar3a meM sAdhAraNataH koI bAta Asake aisI bAta na likhuugaa| . lekhamAlA likhe jAne ke do DhAI varSa pahile DAyarI meM maiMne lekhamAlA kI rUparekhA aura kucha vicAra noTa karake likha liye the| unapara maiM samaya samaya para vicAra karatA rahatA thA aura naye vicAra bhI jor3atA rahatA thA / agara bAbU choTelAlajI se carcA na hotI to inhIM noToM ke AdhAra se cAra pAMca varSa bAda lekhamAlA likhI jAtI para aba usake bahuta pahile hI lekhamAlA likhanA nizcita hogayA / lekhamAlA kI ghopaNA kucha mahIne pahile hI kara dI gii| do lekha sAmAnya vyAkhyApara the isaliye to kucha gar3agar3a na macI para tIsare lekha ke nikalate hI tahalakA maca gayA usameM jainadharma kI prAcInatA para hamalA sA kiyA gayA thA / phira Age ke lekha, sarvajJatA Adi kA varNana to mAnoM jale para namaka chiDakate rahe / isase pracaMDa sudhAraka kahalAnevAle bhI mujhase ghRNA karane lge| Aja taka jinako meM pracaMDa sudhAraka aura niSpakSa vicAraka samajhatA thA unhoMne sabase jyAdA AkramaNa kiyA / maiMne dekhA ki unake virodha meM aura purAne paMDitoM ke virodha meM koI pharka nahIM hai| bar3e bar3e sudhArakoM ne bhI matabheda ko zatrutA samajhA / merA kAhI sanmAna na ho jAya, koI mujhe vyAkhyAna ke liye na bulAle, jahAM merI AjIvikA yI yahAM se chur3AdI jAya to acchA, isakA prayatna acche acche sadhArakoM ne bhI kiyA, pana par3hanA tathA magAnA bhI banda kiyA, karAyA,

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. 226 } . Atma-kathA zrImAnoM para apanA dabAva DAlakara patra banda karAnA. cAhA, mere mitroM sahayogiyoM para bhI dabAva DAlA, anta meM prakAzaka jI ko phusalAne kI ceSTA kI ki ve mere lekha na chApeM / jaba kisI bhI taraha saphalatA na milI, taba merI nindA karake yA kucha gAliyA~ dekara santoSa maanaa| sudhAraka kahalAnevAloM kA yaha rukha dekhakara maiM cakita hogayA / maiM AzA karatA thA ki inase lekhamAlA kA samarthana hogA : para ve ugra se ugra virodhI nikle| isa nirAzA ko jItanekA eka bar3A bhArI sahArA yaha thA ki maiM bhAvuka thA, jo ki aba bhI hUM / maiM socatA thA ki jIte jI duniyA ne kisI ko acchI taraha kaba mAnA hai ? IsA Adi bar3e bar3e mahApuruSoM ne bhI nindA hI pAI thI para Aja ve amara haiM / maiM unakA zatAMza bhI bana sakA to merA jIvana saphala hai / basa, saphalatA ke isI kalpita svapna meM masta hokara maiM ghaniSTha se ghaniSTha mitroM ke nindAvAkya yA utsAha-nAzaka vAkya saha jAtA thA aura jo vicAra karane para ThIka lagatA thA vahIM karatA thA / gujarAtI kA yaha padyAMza bahutabAra par3hA karatA thaa| . lokonI apakIrtimA hRdayanI sAcI ja kIrtI base / so. hRdaya kI saccI kIrti kI dhuna meM lAparvAhI bar3hAtA jaataa| isa dRr3hatAko bahutase loga merA abhimAna samajhate the, balki mujhe haThI samajhate the / mujhe hI samajhanevAloM meM mere sahayogI aura snehI mitra bhI the / jaba unase koI kahatA ki Apa paMDitajI ko. [mujhe]. samajhAiye taba ve ha~sakara kahate-paMDitajI to bhagavAna

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satyasamAjakI sthApanA [ 227 kI bAta bhI mAnane ko taiyAra nahIM hai / yadyapi maiMne haTha se bacane kI kAphI koziza kI hai phira bhI khUba r3ha vicAra pragaTa karane kA hI khayAla rahA hai isaliye apanI dRr3hatA ko haTha se alaga batA sakane kA avasara nahIM pAyA yA kama pAyA athavA yoM kahanA cAhiye ki maiM haTha aura dRr3hatA kA bheda batalAne meM ayogya sAvita huaa| khaira, nindA stuti kI cintA na karake jainadharma ko akATya aura sAmayika banAne ke liye maiMne kAphI koziza kii| aura usIkA phala thA jainadharma kA marma / pustakAkAra chapAte samaya isakA nAma jainadharbhamImAMsA kara diyA gayA kyoMki pustaka itanI vizAla ho gaI thI ki use mImAMsA kahanA hI ThIka mAlUma huaa| 25 satyasamAjakI sthApanA yadyapi satyasamAja kI kalpanA san 1924 meM hI dila meM AgaI thI para usa samaya satya-samAja ko usa rUpa kI kalpanA nahIM thI jo pIche dikhAI diyA / usa samaya merI kalpanA kI daur3a adhika se adhika jaina-dharma-mImAMsA taka hI thI / jaina-dharma ko saMbodhita karanA aura usa saMzodhita jainadharma ke pracAra ke liye satya-samAja kI sthApanA karanA aisA hI kucha aspaSTa rUpa usa samaya yA / kadAcit saba dharmoM kA khaNDana kArake nayA dharma banAne kA bhI vicAra ho para salya-samAja ke vartamAna rUpa kA usa samaya dhyAna nahIM thaa| hAM, usake liye AjIvikA chor3akara eka prakAra yA saMnyAsa yA arthasaMnyAsa lenekA vicAra usa samaya avazya thA / phira bhI isakI

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228: ] AtmakathA avadhi nahIM thI ki vaha mAMgalika avasara kaba AyagA / para 'jainadharma kA marma' likhanA prArambha karane ke bAda akasmAta eka bAra usa mAMgalika avasara kA nizcaya hogayA / vyAvara * sthAnakavAsI jaina muni zrI caitanyajI aura unake pitA muni kalyANajI (jinane ki aba janasevA ke Diye municepa chor3a diyA hai. ) mere lekhoM ko bahuta pasanda karate the, aura bar3e cAva se par3hate the / eka bAra jaba ki ve vyAvara meM Thahare hue the mere vicAroM ke pracAra ke liye tathA mujha se carcA karane ke liye unane bulAyA / byAvara meM mere kAphI vyAkhyAna hue / mere svatantra vicAra bhI logoM ne bar3e zauka se sune, itanA hI nahIM unakI tArIpha bhI kI, mAnapatra diyA, ina saba bAtoM kA mere dilapara bar3A prabhAva par3A / maiM itanA samajhA ki mere vicAroMko samAjameM jagaha hai / agara isa taraha pracAra kiyA jAya to isameM sandeha nahIM ki ina vicAroM ko mAnanevAlA eka vizAla dala bana sakatA hai / usa samaya mujhe mAlUma nahIM thA ki samAja udAratA kI bAteM sunanA jitanA pasanda karatA hai utanA pAlana karanA pasanda nahIM karatA | para yaha saba mujhe nahIM mAlUma thA yaha vahuta hI acchA thA / kyoMki maiMne to apane liye isase utsAha hI pAyA, aura merA dila Age vaDhane ke liye, sarvasva tyAgakara ardhasaMnyAsI banakara pracAra karane ke liye lAlAyita hone lagA | " para Akhira thA baniye kA baccA, joza meM Akara ikadama kUda par3anA baniyAI nahIM hai, isaliye ikadama na kUdA / yaha pratijJA karalI ki pAMca varSa meM naukarI chor3akara isa kAma meM laga jAUMgA / :

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satyasamAjakI sthApanA [229. lekina kucha dina bAda hI yaha vicAra jora pakar3ane lagA ki aba naukarI chor3anA cAhiye / maiMne patnI se yaha vicAra pragaTa kiyaa| zAntA (patnI) ne kahA naukarI chor3ane meM to koI harja nahIM hai para reTiyoM ke liye kisI kA Azrita na honA par3e isakA upAya , karalenA cAhiye / isake liye aisA karo ki jaba dasa hajAra rupaye apane pAsa hojAyeM taba naukarI chor3a denaa| maiMne patnI kI bAta kA samarthana karate hue kahA ki jaba dasa hajAra rupayA ikaTThA hojAyagA taba naukarI chor3a dI jAyagI kintu agara kucha kama bhI rahe aura pAMca varSa pUre hogaye to bhI naukarI chor3a dI jAyagI / patnIne ise maMjara kiyaa| isa prakAra jana 1937 naukarI kI aMtima avadhi bnaaii| isa prakAra satya-samAja kI sthApanA ke bahuta pahile hI satya-samAja kI sthApanA kI bAhya bhUmikA banane lagI / isakA zreya jaina-dharma mImAMsA ko hI hai| __vAya bhUmikA kI taraha abhyantara bhUmikA kA zreya bhI jainadharma-mImAMsA ko hI hai| kyoMki jaba meM jaina-dharma-kA saMzodhana karane lagA taba usameM do kAma kiyA karatA thA-jo anucita mAlUma hotA thA yaha nikAla diyA karatA thA aura jo Avazyaka mAlUma huA karatA thA yaha jor3a diyA karatA thaa| isa prakAra kAma karane se mana meM yaha vicAra Ane lagA ki isa prakAra saMzodhana karane se to sabhI dharma eka se hojAyage / natira upadeza to sabhI dhamoM meM pAye jAte hai aura vikAra satra meM. Agaye haiM isa prakAra satra dharma samAna hai taba jana-dharmI hI kAlata kyoM ?

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230 ] AtmakathA ye vicAra mana meM ghUmane lage para ina ko turaMta vyakta na kara sakA / kucha mahinoM taka ye vicAra mana meM hI rahe / kabhI kamI kucha vizeSa vicAra kara letA anyathA sArI zakti jainadharma kA marma likhane meM jAtI .. itane meM paryuSaNa parva AyA / usa varSa ahamadAbAda kI taraha vambaI meM bhI eka vyAkhyAnamAlA kI yojanA huI / mujhe lagA ki apane ye vicAra isa vyAkhyAnamAlA meM hI rakkhU | isaliye maiMne vyAkhyAna kA viSaya cunA 'dharmoM meM bhinntaa'| merI dRSTi meM ye vicAra kAphI krAntikArI the / mujhe Dara thA ki isa viSaya meM kucha aisI bhala na ho jAya jisase vicAroM kI ha~sI ur3AI jAne lge| isaliye vyAkhyAna ke pahile do baje rAta taka baiThakara maiMne vaha vyAkhyAna likha DAlA / sAdhAraNataH maiM kabhI likhakara vyAkhyAna nahIM detA / merA vaha pahilA byAkhyAna thA jo maiMne likhakara diyA thA aura AjatakA zAyada vahI aMtima hai| ; vyAkhyAna meM kaI naI bAteM thI / yadyapi usa samaya mujhe| satyasamAja kA svapna bhI nahIM thA para satyasamAja kA mUla usa ko hI kahA jA sakatA hai / usa vyAkhyAna kI kAphI * tArIpha huI bahuta se mitroMne use AzAtIta maulika, ekadama nayA kahA mujhe bhI aisA mAlUma huA ki maiMne jIvana kA patha pAliyA hai| .. usa vyAlyAna. ke bAda bhI do varSa aura nikale / jainadharma kA marma to likhatA rahA para sarvadharma samabhAvakA cintana vizeSa jora pakar3atA gyaa| .

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satyasamAjakI sthApanA [231 samabhAva ke ye vicAra do varSa taka pakate rahe aura anta meM unane satya-samAja kA rUpa dhAraNa kara liyaa| sAmAjika Andolana kI saphalatA ke liye eka saMgaThana kI AvazyakatA thI, idhara svataMtra vicAroM ko mUrtimAna rUpa bhI denA thA isaliye satya-samAja sarIkhe eka samAja kI sthApanA karanA Avazyaka hogayA / ekadina rAtabhara baiThakara satya-samAja kI rUparekhA banADAlI / usameM sadasyoM kI tIna zreNiyA~ satyamandira Adi sabhI bAtoM kA ullekha thA / para isa naye samAjeka liye ThIka nAma na sUjhA / san 1924 meM satya-samAja nAma sUjhA thA para phira vaha yAda hI na AyA / isaliye satyazodhaka samAja nAma se isa kI sthApanA kI gii| jisa rAtako vaha skIma banI vaha rAtri bhI mere jIvana kI mahatvapUrNa rAtriyoM meM se hai, eka taraha se vaha saba se adhika mahatvapUrNa hai para usakI bhI tithi yAda nahIM ArahI hai / hAM, yaha yojanA bhAdrapada zulA 8 vIra saMvat 2460 yA 16 sitambara san 1934 ke 'aMka meM prakAzita huI isaliye yahI dina satyApTamI ke rUpameM parvadina mAnaliyA gyaa| yojanA ke prakAzita hone ke cAra chaH dina pahile hI vAzI ke seTa cunIlAlajI koTecA kA patra AyA thA ki eka naye samAja kI AvazyakatA Apa nayA samAja sthApita kareM to bar3I kRpA ho| maiMne unheM liyA ki naye samAja kI yojanA chaparahI hai do tIna dina meM Apake pAsa phuNcegii| yojanA jaba pahu~cI taba unane likhA zi satya-zodhakasamAja to eka dakSiNa bhArata meM koI pamarA nAma rkhiye| bAkI yojanA bahuta acchI hai|

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_ "232 .] AtmakathA - do eka mahArASTrI sajjanoM se bhI dakSiNa ke satya-zodhaka* samAja kA patA mujhe milagayA thA, isaliye nAma badalane kI cintA mujhe bhI huI para satya zabda bar3A pyArA thA aura samAja bhI cAhiye thA isaliye zodhaka kI jagaha hI sevaka Adi nAma DAlA jA sakatA thA para pIche yahI ThIka mAlUma huA ki zodhaka yA sevaka kucha na DAlA jAya aura satya-samAja hI nAma rahane diyA jAya, so yahI nAma rahA / .. satya-samAja kI rUpa rekhA kAphI sApha thI phira bhI usake . mahatva ko bahuta kama logoM ne samajhA isaliye bahuta se AdamI jo turaMta sadasya banagaye the zAkhA banA baiThe the ve utsAha ThaMDA hojAne para yA uttaradAyitva kA bojha mAlUma honepara haTane lage, kucha ne yaha bhI kahA ki hama nahIM samaMjhate the ki aisA hogA / yadyapi malameM hI saMghaTanAmeM ve bAteM thI para usakI vizAlatA Adi ko bahuta kama ne samajha pAyA thA / hAM, zrI cunnIlAlajI, sUrajacanda , raghuvIrazaraNa, Ananda zrI raghunandanaprasAda jI Adi zurU se hI Aja taka dRr3ha haiM unakI anurakti bhI bar3hatI rahI hai para bahubhAga DhIlA par3atA gayA aura naye naye loga bhI Ate gaye / uttaradAyitva kA bhAna karAne ke liye usake kucha bAharI niyama bhI badalate gye| ; .satya-samAja kI sthApanA samasta sudhAroM kA saMgrahAtmaka saMskaraNa hai aura usameM anya aneka sudhAroM tathA krAntiyoM kA bIja bhI rakkhA gayA hai| isakI sthApanA se. maiMne eka prakAra kI muktatA ___ kA anubhava kiyA hai| ...... ..

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- - .. . . .. :-A .. ... . . . . .... '. . .14 5 PATENT . . .. R. . PATom in sauH zAntAdevI satyabhakta

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patnI viyoga [ 233 26 patnI viyoga . eka dina sokara uThA to panIne kahA-Aja mere dAhine hAtha meM darda hai| maiMne jarA najara DAlakara kahA-thoDA mAlisa karane se acchA ho jAyagA 1 usa samaya kalpanA bhI nahIM thI ki yaha mauta kA dRta hai isaliye kaI dina mAlisa karane aura seka karane para bhI acchA na huaa| DAkTaroM ke pAsa legayA, vaidyoM ko dikhAyA, sabane kahA gumar3A hogA parakara phaTakara sApha ho jAyagA / kucha cintA tuI, socA kucha dina lgeNge| para bahuta dina taka vaha pakA hI nahIM, kisI ne kahA yaha aisA phor3A hai jisameM muMha nahIM hotA yAM bhItara mu~ha hotA hai jarA gyarAtra hai kAphI kara detA hai / cintA bar3hI, para sirpha isIliye ki parezAnI lambI hogI / anta meM pulaTisa bA~dha bA~dhakara pakAyA aura nastara lagavA diyaa| aba socA calo pApa kaTA, dasa pandraha dinameM bharajAyagA / para acchA na huaa| bAda meM harakisanadAsa hAspiTala meM rakkhA anche se acche DArakara ne Aparezana kiyA phira bhI acchA na huA phira do bAra bhAparezana huA hAya aura kandhe meM jor3a kI hAliyA donoM tarapha se thor3I thor3I kATa DAlI gaI phira bhI acchA na huaa|pr kisI DAkTara ne yaha na batAyA ki bImArI kyA / ghAra banA hI rhaa| isI bIca zAntA ne kahA-garI kamara ke nIce dAhine sarapha kucha darda rahatA hai| maiMne DAkTara se kahA : DAkTara ne kahA-cintA nahIM saba ThIka do jAyagA / usa samaya bhI mujhe na mAma huA ki yAda bhI gatimA paravAnA hai ! mAnoM vidhAtA ko yAda mAjhma hogayA ho ki isa mAmale

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234 ] AtmakathA meM rogI se aura rogI ke abhibhAvaka se bahuta lar3anA par3egA isaliye donoM tarapha se AkramaNa karanA cAhiye / bambaI kI cikitsA se nirAza hokara zAntA ko miraja le gayA vahA~ pampa se eka sera se bhI adhika pIpa kamara ke ghAva meM se nikAlI gaI aura davA bharadI gaI, vahAM bhI yaha na batAyA gayA ki bImArI kyA hai / para miraja ke DAkTarI skUla ke eka adhyApaka se kucha paricaya ho gayA thA unane batAyA ki zAntA ko astikSaya kI bImArI hai / kamara ke pAsa jo ghAva thA vaha rIr3ha ke kSaya kA thA / . aba kahIM maiM usa gambhIratA ko samajha sakA / DAkTaroM kI isa nItipara mujhe bar3A kheda huA ki unane bImArI kA patA abhI taka mujhe nahIM diyaa| phIsa le lekara bhI yahI kahate rahe ki phoDA haiM acchA hojAyagA / unane zAyada yaha samajhakara ki bImAra kA AbhibhAvaka ghabarA na jAya, nAma na batAyA hogA para unakI isa mUrkhatApUrNa dayAlutA kA. pariNAma yaha AyA ki unake hAthoM se eka prANI kI durdazA hogaI yA hatyA hI hogaI / bahuta se DAkTara, jinameM bar3e bar3e DAkTara bhI zAmila kiye jA sakate haiM, apanI apUrNatA ko bhI nahIM samajhanA cAhate ve zAyada yaha bhI nahIM socanA cAhate ki unakI cikitsA ke sivAya bhI cikitsA hai aura rogI ke abhibhAvaka ko roga kA ThIka ThIka paricaya dekara use icchAnusAra cikitsA kA avasara denA cAhiye / harakisanadAsa hAspiTala meM U~ce DAkTara the / ema.bI.bI.esa to vahAM kampAunDara sarIkhA kAma karate the| aparezana Adi karane

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patnI viyoga [235 ke liye epha. Ara. sI. esa. DAkTara the, una meM bhI cune huye, phira bhI ve apanI paMDitAI kI dhuna meM AdhikSaya ke kesa kA aparezana karate rhe| una kI isa nAsamajhI, pramAda yA ahaMkAra ko kyA kahA jAya ? AsthikSaya meM ghAva ke Upara se bhI agara hATI kATI jAya to bhI lAbha hone kI kama sambhAvanA rahatI haiM phira AsapAsakI haDDI chIla dene se kyA lAbha ? aparezana ne zAntA ke hAya ko aisA vekAma karadiyA ki dAhinA hAtha phira kabhI Upara na jA sakA aura bImArI to banI hI rhii| miraja se lauTakara kucha dina babaI rahA phira mAlUma huA ki pane ke pAsa maLavalI sTezana se 1 // maila dUra kAlI meM eka senoTIriyama hai vahAM kSaya ke rogI svastha ho jAyA karate haiN| vahA~ bhI rakkhA para Der3ha mAha taka dekhA pratidina bajana ghaTatA hI jAtA thA / ekadina DAkTara ne ekAnta meM lejAkara mujhase kahA-Apa kaheM to hama inheM chaH mahine taka yahA~ rakkheM para asalI bAta yaha hai ki roga aba vaza kA nahIM hai rogI agara acchI taraha se rahe to adhika se adhika eka varSa taka raha sakatA hai| anyathA : mahine kAphI hai| merA bheTAmA kuTumba thA isaliye jara se samajhadAra huA taya se kisI AtmIya kI mauta kI kalpanA taka kA maukA na AyA thaa| DAkTara kI bAta se mere mana para (mudApara nahI) kaisA vApAna huA isa kA anubhava hI kiyA jA sakatA thaa| TATara ke sAmane apanI vyAyuratA vimAna meM sAla Abaki usI savAditA ke liye va padanAda bhI

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236 ] AtmakathAM diyA, patnI ke sAmane bhI vyAkulatA chipAne kI icchA huI para 5 T. kucha to chipa hI na sakI isaliye use asalI bAtakA AbhAsa mila gayA aura kucha chipAnA ucita bhI na samajhA isaliye maiMne bhI vaha bAta sAphasApha pragaTa karadI | rAta ke samaya donoM hI ciraviyoga ke nizcaya se bar3I dera taka rote rahe / para isa ke bAda maiM samhalA, maiMne use jIvana maraNa kA ... " : rahasya samajhAnA zurU kiyA | mAlUma nahIM usa dina maiMne kyA kyA kahA para jo kucha kahA mu~hane nahIM hRdayane kahA ! satraha ke pA~ca vaMje taka merA vaha vyAkhyAna cAlU rahA / isa ke vAda maiMne dekhA ki usa ke hRdaya se mauta kA bhaya nikala gayA hai kama se kama isa bImArI se marane kA Dara to use bilkula nahIM rahA hai / usa dina ke bAda usa ke jIvana meM jo ullAsa rahA vaha usakI bImArI dekhate huye asAdhAraNa kahA jA sakatA hai / eka vAra asthikSaya kI eka dUsarI bImAra strI ko dekhane vaha gaI, vaha strI cala phira bhI nahIM sakatI thI, na jAne usake sAtha kyA carcA hone lagI jisake aMta meM usa vAIne mara jAuMgI / zAntA ko mRtyubhaya se bar3A Azcarya huA, bolI5. kyA tuma mauta se DaratI ho? aise duHkhamaya jIvana kI apekSA maranA kyA burA hai / marane se dUsarA zarIra acchA hI milegA ' usa samaya premI jI Adi bhI the, usakI nirbhayatA se sabhI ko Azcarya huA / kArlIkI rAta kI merI bAteM usane vedavAkya se bhI adhika prAmANika rUpa meM dila meM jamAlI thIM / unake sahAre se usane mAnoM mauta ko jIta liyA thA / usa ko dekhakara mujhe isa vicAra kahA-- aisA karUMgI to

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patnI viyoga [237 kA acchA pramANa milA ki mauta ko jItane para hI acchI taraha jiyA jA sakatA hai / yahI kAraNa hai ki usadina ke bAda vaha jitane dina jindI rahI ullAsa ke sAtha rahI bImAra kI manovRci lekara na rhii| kAlI ke DAkTara ne jaba mAta kI pUrI macanA dedI taba yaha socakara ki jaba maranA hai taba ghara para ArAma se hI kyoM na mare, maiM use bambaI le AyA / kAlI ke choTe se DAkTara kI svavAditA ne kitanA upakAra kiyA aura bAbaI ke bar3e bar3e DAkTaroM ne koI cetAvanI na dekara kitanA pApa kiyA usakI yAda Aja bhI banI huI hai aura merA vicAra yaha hogayA hai ki DAkTaroM ko DAkTarI sIkhane kI jitanI jarUrata hai usase jyAdA apane ajJAna ko samajhane kI, apane Upara ativizvAsa na karane kI, rogI para upekSA na karane kI usake pAlaka ko sAvadhAna karane kI aura ImAnadArI kI jamAta hai / yA to mere bahuta se vidyArthI bhI hAsTara hai mitra bhI DAkTara bhale aura sahadaya DAkTaroM se bhI kAma pdd'aa| phira bhI bahuta se aise DAkTaroM ne yAma par3A ki jinake anuyA. ne DAsahara jAti se pUNA sI paidA karadI hai| khAsakara sarakArI yA sAvajanika aspatAloM ke dvAraTaroMke aura unaye asatAnoM ke prathama ke to bahuta bahura anubhava / / kAlI se lauTane ke yo dina bAda kI bAta hai, ekavAra pitAjI bAjAra meM zAma mAjI lene gaye aura dAma ke nIce Agaye, usase yahoza hogaye, yAce kI hada kA aura upa puSTi na lajAsara je.. hATina meM bher3a diyA / iyara zAka

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238 / Atma-kathA lekara vaDI dera taka na Aye taba maiM dRDhane nikalA, saba mitroM ke ghara dekhe, pulisa caukiyoM para talAza kiyA ki koI akasmAt huA ho to usakI riporTa se kucha patA lage, antameM eka caukI para patA lagA tadanusAra dRr3hate dUDhate dupahara ke eka baje mile / ve behoza par3e the / . .. 'jaba maiM unake palaMga ke pAsa pahuMcA to vahAM dekharekha karanevAloM ne turaMta rokA, kahA-abhI nahIM zAmako milane AnA / maiMne kahA rogI ko yahA~ maiMne bharatI nahIM karAyA hai, TAma ke nIce AjAne se pulisa le AI hai Aja ke dina mujhe inake pAsa rahane do phira inake hoza AjAne para aura vyavasthA hone para tumhAre niyamAnusAra hI milane aauuNgaa| .. usane kahA-nahIM nahIM, hama kucha nahIM samajhata, zAmako aanaa| maiMne vahAM ke kisI DAkTara se bAta karanA cAhI para usa samaya vaha bhI na milA aura mujhe vahAM se calA AnA par3A / khaira, ghara Akara maiMne patnI ko tathA par3osiyoM ko khabara dI, bAjAra se mosammI kharIdI, aura phira hAspaTilaM pahuMcA / maiMne dekhA pitAjI bilakula zithila haiM abhI bhI kucha kucha behoza haiM, muMha meM se thor3A thor3A khUna AtA hai para kisI ko koI parvAha nahIM hai / maine-kahA bhAI, inako subaha se kucha diyA nahIM gayA hai garama prakRti hai kucha mosammI kA rasa dene do| para una logoM ne kahA-nahIM, DAkTara sAhiba se pUche vinA kucha nahIM kara skte| naukaroM kA kahanA ThIka thA para vyavasthApaka khuda to kucha karate nahIM the, rogI kA sevaka mosammI kA rasa na pilA jAya sirpha isakI vyavasthA vAkAyadA thii| maiMne DAkTara se bAta kI para saMva piMDa chur3AnevAle mile| bole-hama

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patnI viyoga [239 kucha nahIM kaha sakate amuka se pUcho / isa prakAra amuka jI se dimuka jI aura dimuka jI se amuka jI ko tapAsane tapAsate aura una saba ko samajhAta samajhAte eka ghaMTA lagA taba kahIM maiM mosammI kA rasa de pAyA / rasa dete hI muMha meM se khUna AnA banda huA, dhIre dhIre hoza AyA unane mujhase bAta kii| hAspaTilabAloM kI lAparvAhI aura vejimmedArI se aura sahAnubhUti na hone se pitA jI ko sAta ghaMTe taka takalIpha uThAnA pdd'ii| isa lAparvAhI se ve mara bhI sakate the| vahAM jAkara jo mujhe anubhava hue aura logoM se milane se jo patA lagA usase yaha kahA jAsakatA hai ki bahutase garIboM ke liye kadAcit ye motake najadIkI rAste haiM / hAspaTiloM kI yojanA bar3I acchI aura Avazyaka para unameM kAphI sudhAra kI jarUrata hai / rogI ko aura usake pAlaka ko sahAnumati kI bahuta AvazyakatA hai, hara eka kAryakartA meM yaha honA cAhiye, rogI ke saMrakSakoM ko rogI kI vAstavika sthiti se paricita karAnA cAhiye, inAma denalene kI prathA nara honA cAhiye, cikitsA saratI se sastI honA caahiye| AmatyA meM ina saba bAtoM ke mAdhya karane kI jarUrata nahIM sipahana sudhAroM kI tarapha saMketa kiyA jA sakatA hai| kA se lauTakara kucha mitroM ko salAda meM mAsakAra bAjA Azana ke adhiSThAtA ma. devacandanI kI malA jalacikimmA kA vicAra kiyA / jalacitimA ke dAyara to yahAM nahIM, magi maina baTara nAgane pI abhiphilA yA apayana kiyA

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240 ] AtmakathA. aura khuda hI jalacikitsA zurU kI / kucha dinoM meM hI bukhAra bar3hanA aura vajana ghaTanA zarU hogayA (jalacikitsA ke asara kA yaha prArimbhaka cinha hai) bAraha pauMDa vajana pahile hI ghaTa gayA thA ATha pauMr3a aura ghaTA kula navve pauMDa vajana raha gayA / itane meM ekadina sUryasnAna karAte samaya ghAtra meM se pAnI kI dhArA nikalanA zurU huI | kaI miniTa taka pAnI kAphI vega se bahatA rhaa| mujha Azcarya huA, jalacikitsA kI saphalatA kA yaha cinha thA / jalacikitsA kI kriyAoM meM nAmamAtra kA maiMne pheraphAra bhI kiyA thA, kyoMki DAkTara luIkane jarmana haiM isaliye unane sArI vidhi vahAM kI AvahavA ke anusAra banAI hai mujhe yahAM kI AvahavA ke anusAra banAnA cAhiye thI / isase maiM kucha hAniyoM se bacagayA aura kAfI saphala huaa| - jalacikitsA eka mAha hI acchI taraha kara pAyA agara usI DhaMga se cha: mAha kara pAtA to isameM sandeha nahIM ki zAntA kI jIvanayAtrA kAphI lambI huI hotI / para jyoM hI taviyata jarA acchI huI ki zAntA ko pramAda AgayA khAnapAna kA saMyama vaha na rakha sakI maiM bhI kucha DhIlA hogyaa| kAmakA bojha sira para thA hI, isaliye bhI dhyAna kucha jyAdA baTa gayA / phira bhI usase kAphI lAma huA / vajana 90 pauMDa se 112 para pahuMca gayA / aparezana meM haDDI kA jo bhAga kaTa gayA thA vaha na kaTA hotA to hAtha kI takalIpha to bilakula na rhtii| para aba una sarvajJammanya DAkTaroM se / kyA kahA jAya ? khaira, usa TUTI phUTI jalacikitsA se bhI itanA lAbha huA ki . zAntA eka varSa ke sthAna meM pAMca varSa aura jindI rhii|

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patnI viyoga [241. bImArI kA samaya, khAsakara pahilA varSa, mere jIvana ko kAThina parIkSA kA samaya thA unhIM dinoM mahAvIra vidyAlaya meM naukarI milI thI para chaH mahIne taka pachI nahIM thI isaliye merI dUsarI naukariyA~ (jaina boTiMga, zrAdhikAzrama, jainaprakAza kI ) bhI cAra thI / aparezana se zAntA kA hAtha kucha kAma na kara sakatA thA isaliye dobAra bhojana karAne aura dovAra mosammI Adi kA rasa dene, athavA yoM kAhiMya ki snehabaza rogI ko bAra bAra paricaryA karane cAra bAra hAspaTila meM jAtA thaa| eka bAra karIba pandraha dina kula kAraNoM se aisA prasaMga AyA ki uparyukta saba kAma karane ke ati. rikta roTI banAnA, pAnI bharanA, vartana maTanA kapar3e dhonA, Adi kAma bhI karane pdd'e| phira isake sAtha thA najagata kA sampAdana aura kAfI patra-vyavahAra aura adhyayana / subaha / cAra bane se rAtrike dasa baje taka avidhAnta parizrama aura choTe bar3e sabhI taraha ke kAmoM ko samudAya ne jIvana kI acchI parIkSA lI, para ise satyezvara kI asIma kRpA hI samajhanA cAhiye ki muza sakhA tuncha prANI usa parIkSA meM yathAsambhava uttIrNa huaa| itanA hI nahI kaTora paristhitiyoM kA sAmanA karanA sadA ke liye rAma sahaja ho gayA balki usameM Ananda Ane lgaa| Aja yAda AtA hai ki miraja sarIkhe aparicita sthAna meM zAntA ko paricarcA ke sAtha roTI pakAte tathA anya kAma karate hae bhI jamela ache aTekha likha sakA thA / uhI dina meM alI taraha anumaya para sakA thA ki sevA karate karata mA roTI banAne manAta papane para milane theTa jAnA sevA vibhAga aura likhane

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242 ] AtmakathA likhate thakane para roTI Adi meM laga jAnA likhane kA vizrAma hai / isa manovRtti kA jo nirmANa huA use satyezvara kI dayA na kahUM to kyA kahUM? jIvana bhara apanI kSudratA kA jo anubhava kiyA hai use dekhate hue apane puruSArtha ko badhAI dene kI himmata nahIM hotI, aura.na.satyezvara kI kRpA ke sivAya koI mahattA samajhameM AtI hai| . bajana bar3hajAne para zAntA gharagRhasthI kA kAma karane lagI para. ghAva bane hI rahe, thor3I thor3I jalacikitsA karate jAnA tathA ghAvoM ko pratidina sApha karate jAnA basa itanA hI kAma thA isa meM mujhe pratidina eka ghaMTe se adhika samaya nahIM denA par3atA thaa| hAM, vAppasnAna yA sUryasnAna ke dina do ghaMTe lagajAte the / isa taraha kaI varSa calA / aba itanI sevA Adata meM zumAra ho gii| ar3acana thI to itanI ki pracAra ke liye maiM kahIM akelA na jA sakatA thA isaliye apanI DAkTarI kI choTI sI peTI aura zAntA ko sAtha lekara hI meM pracAra ke liye nikalatA thaa| parantu satyasamAja kI sthApanA ke bAda jaba naukarI chor3akara sthAna khojane kI jarUrata mAlUma huI aura merA kArya bahuta bar3hagayA taba yaha gharU DAkTarI DhIlI par3agaI meM ATha ATha dasa dasa dina ke liye akelA hI bAhara jAne lagA, phala yaha huA ki ghAva bAhara se bharane lge| maiM samajhA ghAva acche hote jA rahe haiM para unane apanA zrota bhItara kI tarapha kara liyA thA aura mavAda hRdaya meM ekatrita hone lagA thA para yaha saba mujhe taba na mAlUma huA / . Antama vAra jaba maiM dakSiNa mahArASTra ke pravAsa se lauTA to zAntA ko bImAra aura bhayaMkara sira darda se pIr3ita pAyA / dinarAta

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patnI viyoga [243 levA kI, bahuta se DAkTaroM ko dikhAyA, para kisIkI samajha meM na AyA ki bImArI kyA hai / kisIne DipthIriyA kahA kisIne kuch| usake marane ke bAda hI patA lagA ki asthikSaya se usakA dehAnta huaa| marane ke Adhe ghaMTe pahile taka DAkTara itanA AzvAsana dete rahe ki maiM kalpanA bhI na kara sakA ki vaha ghaMTe do ghaMTe kI mihamAna hai| aMtima samaya meM hI eka DAkTara ne kahA She is going (vaha jA rahA hai ) taba maiM samajhA / isa samaya mere dila ko akasmAt ratanA jhaTakA lagA ki thor3I dera ko maiM zUnya sA bana gayA / agara nirAzA dhIre dhIre dI gaI hotI to itanA jhaTakA na lagatA khaira, isa taraha deva ke sAtha chaH varSa yuddha karake bhI aMta meM meM parAsta huaa| isa parAjaya kA mere Upara kyA asara huA aura mere AgAmI kAryakrama ko kitanA dhakA lagA aura use mana kisa prakAra nAhane kA nizcaya kiyA isake viSaya meM maiMne satyasandeza meM nimnalikhita paMktiyA~ likhI thiiN| mujhe santAna kI icchA nahIM thI, saundarya kI cAha nahIM thI, avidvattA ko bhI nibhA sakA thA, kintu usakI jarUrata thI, kyoMki usake rahane se meM sIsamAja meM nirbhayatA se kAma kara sakatA thA, adhika vizvasanIya ho sakatA thA asaMyama kA bhI bilagula bhaya na thA / isake atirikta mukha duHkha meM eka aisA sAthI bhI thA jisane mere jIvana ke prAyaH sabhI jIvita dina dekhe ye " maiM yaha to nahIM mAnatA ki jo buddha hotA hai saba acche ke liye hotA hai parantu itanA avazya mAnatA hUM ziyarI se barI

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244 ] Atma-kathA paristhiti meM bhI manuSya agara apane sAhasa aura viveka ko jAgrata rakkhe to use koI acchA mArga mila hI jAtA hai| maiM bhI apane ko isI kasauTI para car3hAtA hUM aura isa mahAna saMkaTa ke Ane para bhI, jisa.mArga ko pakar3A hai usI para Age bar3hanA cAhatA hUM / dekha kahA~ taka uttIrNatA milatI hai aura kisa DhaMga se milatI hai / . . 27 dAmpatya ke anubhava ... jaba merA vivAha nahIM huA thA taba eka dina eka vayaska mahilA ne majAka meM kahA ki-"jaba daravArIkA vivAha hojAyamA, taba vaha apanI strIke hI kahane meM laga jAyagA / " yaha sunakara mujhe bar3A apamAna mAlUma huA aura maiMne jora dekara virodha kiyA ki 'kabhI nahIM ! aisA kabhI nahIM ho sakatA !' eka dUsarI vRddhAne kahAhamArA darabArI aisA nahIM hai, vaha apanI aurata ko sirapara kabhI nahIM cddh'aaygaa| yaha sunakara mujhe saMtopa huA, aura maiMne mana hI mana saMkalpa kiyA ki maiM apanI strIko isa taraha dabAkara rakhaMgA ki saba merI tArIpha kareM / isa prakAra mujha meM murkha striyoM dvArA puruSatva kA mada jAgRta kiyA gayA / isakA duSphala yaha huA ki jaba merI patnI mere ghara AI taba maiM tIna dina taka bolA taka nahIM, vaha to becArI mA~ bApako chor3akara mere ghara AI thI merA kartavya usakA svAgata karanA thA / parantu tIna rAta taka vaha jamIna para sotI rahI, parantu mere ahaMkArarUpI pazune mujha meM itanI nirdayatA bharadI ki mere mu~ha se eka zabda bhI na nikalA / bAta sirpha itanI thI ki maiM cAhatA thA ki vaha pahile bole / vaha vecArI, choTI umara

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dAmpatya ke anubhava [ 245 nayA ghara, striyocita saMkoca aura ujjA ke mAre nahIM bolatI thI / kisI taraha logoM ne isakA patA lagA liyA / para maiM bedAga nikala gayA, use hI dabAyA gayA / cauthe dina use hI bolanA par3A / aura jaba usane na bolane kA kAraNa pUchA to maiMne pUrI bezarmI aura dhRSTatAse uttara diyA ki tumhArA kartavya thA ki tuma pahile bolo ! yaha kaisI mRr3hatA krUratA aura nIcatA thI / isakA jaba jaba smaraNa AyA hai taba taba maiMne apane ko dhikArA hai| khaira, AjakA navayuvaka itanA mUrkha nahIM hotA | parantu eka sAmAnya bAta to isase samajha meM AtI hai ki vRddha jana mUrkhatAvaza kaisA anartha karA diyA karate haiM ! zAyada unakI yaha bhAvanA hotI hai ki lar3akA kahIM apane hAtha se na nikala jAya, isaliye ve dAmpatya-jIvana ke prema meM ror3e aTakAyA karate haiM aura pahile se hI isakI bhUmikA bAMdhane ugate haiM / parantu isakA pariNAma donoM pakSoM ko ahitakAra hotA hai| vivAha honepara bhI meM par3hatA thA, isaliye chuTTiyoM meM hI ghara AtA thA | ghara meM garIbI thI; isa prakAra merI patnI ko na dhanakA sukha thA, na dAmpatya sukha thA / ghara Anepara saba vRddha sI puruSa merI patnI kI zikAyatoM kA Dhera jamA kara diyA karate the / unakI icchA hotI thI ki meM patnI ko mArUM / saubhAgyavaza mujhameM itanI pazutA nahIM thI, isaliye meM unakI zikAyatoM ko ekAnta meM pAnI ke sAmane rakhatA, isa prakAra dhIre dhIre donoM tarapha kI bAtoM ko samajhane kI koziza karatA jisa bAta meM vRddhoM kA doSa hotA usameM bilakula cupa hojAtA / vRkSoM ko udahanA dekara meM unheM aura nI zucdha na karatA bhA | jisameM pAnI kA doSa hotA, usa bAta ko

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246 ] . AtmakathA lekara prema ke sAtha dhIre dhIre ghaMToM lekcara detA / vaha merI philAsaphI kitanI samajhatI thI isakA maiMne vicAra nahIM kiyA / use itanA avazya mAlUma hotA thA ki maiM usase prema karatA hU~ aura prema se hI sudhAranA cAhatA hUM / isakA jo sundara pariNAma huA vaha yaha ki usameM dhRSTatA nahIM Ane pAI / maiM nahIM kahatA ki hara eka dampati ko aisI paristhiti kA sAmanA karanA par3atA hai, koI koI to isase vilakala bhinna dazA meM hote haiM, parantu hamArI kauTumbika dazA aisI hai ki dAmpatya jIvana kA prabhAta kuhare se chAyA rahatA hai isaliye samhalakara calane kI z2arUrata hotI hai| - yahA~ maiM vRddhajanoM se kaha denA cAhatA hUM ki Apa loga yaha bhaya nikAla deM ki lar3akA hAtha se nikala jAyagA / nava-dampati ko adhika se adhika prema aura svatantratA se rahane deM / khayAla sirpha isa vAtakA rakkheM ki unake Upara kartavyakA jo Avazyaka bhAra hai use ve pheMka na deN| agara Apane unake hRdayoM ko tor3ane kI koziza kI, unake sAtha baccoM kI taraha vAtsalya na dikhalAyA to isase lar3ake kA mana ApakI tarapha na A jAyagA / vaha apanI patnI ko duSTa samajhakara virakta aura dukhI ho sakatA hai, parantu Apase sneha nahIM kara sakatA / kadAcit unameM se koI durAcArI bhI bana sakatA hai / yadi aisA na huA to pratikriyA hogii| Apa dampati ke bIcameM jitanA adhika kUdane kI koziza kareMge ve utanA hI Apako dhakiyAnekI koziza kareMge / isase vadhU ke manameM eka prakArakA vaira jama jAyagA, jo ki jIvanavyApI hogA / kucha samaya bAda. jaba usakI zakti bar3ha jAyagI taba isa vairakA burA pariNAma hogaa|

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dAmpatya ke anubhava [ 247 sambhava hai ki vadhU ziSTAcAra kA pAlana karatI rahe, parantu prANahIna zarIra kI taraha premahIna ziSTAcAra eka nirarthaka sI vastu hai / merI patnI ko bhI kucha vyaktiyoM se aisA hI vairabhAva ho gayA thA / vaha ziSTAcAra kA pAlana to karatI thI jisase maiM use kucha kaha na sakUM, parantu usameM sneha kA rasa na raha gayA thA / vRddhoM ko cAhiye ki ve putradhUko beTI ke samAna samajheM / yaha maiM mAnatA hUM ki beTI meM aura bameM antara hai / parantu vaha antara apane aura parAye kA nahIM hai, kintu jimmedArI kA hai / putrI ke Upara gharakI jimmedArI nahIM hai, jaba ki putravadhU Upara hai / isaliye putravadhUme kAma karAne kI ceSTA karanA ucita hai / parantu yaha saba prema se karanA cAhiye, aura usake sammAna kA bhI kAphI khayAla rakhanA cAhiye kyoMki vaha amuka aMza meM mehamAna bhI hai| hamArI zakti aura hamArA adhikAra adhika se adhika kyoM na ho parantu usase hama kisI kA hRdaya nahIM jIta sakate / aura hRdaya ko jIte binA hameM usase gukha nahIM mila sakatA | hRdaya jItane ke saikar3oM upAya nahIM haiM, sirpha eka hI upAya hai aura usakA nAma hai prema | vaha kisI bhI prakaTa kyoM na ho, parantu saccA honA cAhiye / vRddhajana jo cAhate hai vaha prema ke dvArA hI pA sakate haiM / vRddhoM ko, khAsakara vRddha nAriyoM ko isa bAtakA khayAla rakhanA cAhiye ki putravadhU ke doSa par3osiyoM se na kareM, usako niMdita karane kA prayatna na kareM / so ko prema se yA atyanta saMyata ropase sudhArane kI koziza kreN| usase prema se kAma karAveM / usase kAma na banatA ho to sahAyatA deM, parantu apamAna yA tiraskArapUrvaka use haTAkara

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248 ] , AtmakathA . kArya karane laganA aura pIche sabake sAmane usakI niMdA karanA ucita nahIM / prArambha kA ekAdha varSa aisA samaya hai jisa para jIvana bhara.kA bhaviSya nirbhara hai| . . nava-patiyoM se maiM kahU~gA ki bhUla karake bhI purupatra kA ghamaMDa na dikhalAnA. / patnI tumhAre ghara meM mehamAna hai aura vaha mAtApitA svajana Adi ke viyoga kA kaSTa tumhAre prema se hI bhUla sakatI hai / usakI yogyatA ko prazaMsA karanA, usakI ruci ke anusAra ruci banAnA tumhArA kartavya hai aura dAmpatya-sukha ke liye Avazyaka hai / hA~, isa bAta kA khayAla rakhanA ki tumhAre prema kA vala patnI meM .pramAda na. bhara de, vaha apanI jimmevArIyoM se jI na curAne lage, gurujanoM kI upekSA yA apamAna na karane lge| aisI avasthA meM prema pradarzana kI Dora ko thor3A khIMca sakate ho| parantu gAliyoM aura hastacAlanakA prayoga kabhI na karanA / isase usameM dhRSTatA AjAyagI aura tumhArI zaktiyA~ bhothalI par3a jaayeNge| .. nava-patniyoMse maiM kahUMgA ki tumhAre liye ghara nayA avazya hai, parantu tuma yahA~ mehamAna nahIM ho / aba to yahA~ hI rAnI ho, mAlakina ho, dharakI sukha-zAntikI jimmedArI tumhAre Upara hai / tuma isa padake kahA~taka.yogya ho, isake liye tumhArI parIkSA hotI hai, use dhairya se pAra karanA hogA / tuma apane. gauravako mata chor3o, parantu ahaMkAra bhI . mata rakkho / ho sakatA hai ki pitRgRha vaibhavazAlI ho; kintu usake sAtha isa naye .gharakI tulanA mata karo samajhalo ki vaha. tumhArA pUrvajanma thA / usake sAtha tulanA. karake svayaM duHkhI ho sakatI ho, dUsaroMko duHkhI: kara sakatI ho,. thor3AH

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dAmpatya ke anubhava [ 249 bahuta sahana karanA par3e to sahana karo, phira bhI premapUrvaka vyavahAra karo / parizrama se jI mata curAo / sambhava hai tumane zikSaNa meM kAphI unnati kI ho; parantu zikSaNakA phala Alasya nahIM hai, akarmaNyatA nahIM hai / zArIrika zrama se apamAna nahIM hotA, khAsakara ghara ke kAmoM meM to gaurava hI haiN| sAtha hI svAsthyarakSA hotI hai vaha alaga | nizchala prema aura kartavyaparAyaNatA se tuma rUkhI roTiyoM meM amRta kA svAda bhara sakatI ho- naraka ko bhI svarga banA sakatI ho / dAmpatya-jIvana meM kalaha kA honA svAbhAvikasA hI hai, aura kabhI kabhI to vaha bhISaNa rUpa dhAraNa kara letA hai / isakA kaSTa mujhe kAphI bhoganA par3hA. parantu isakA mukhya kAraNa merI anubhava zUnyatA ke sAtha puruSatva kA mada thA / mere Upara saMskAra hI kucha aise paTa gaye the| dUsare yuvakoM ke saMskAra kAmukatA ke kAraNa dhula jAte haiM, parantu merA ahaMkAra aisA prabala thA ki kAmukatA para vijaya gAkara baiThA rahatA thA / isase mujhe aura merI patnI ko bar3I parezAnI uThAnA par3atI thii| mujhameM eka nyAyAdhIza sarIkhI kaThoratA yA bedardIpana thA / isase kauTumbika jhagar3oM meM meM usake sAtha nyAya karatA thA, parantu jahAM dayA sahAnubhUti Adiko AvazyakatA hotI bhI, vahAM bhI yaha nyAyAdhIza kI kaThoratA rahatI thI | yahI merI sUtA thI, jisakA phala bahuta kucha bhoganA par3A | devara kabhI kabhI bhAvanA bhayaMkara hotA ki mere mana kA rivAja hotA to kI sukna hone se hojAya tokI mana vicAra uThane lagate ki taya svatantra ho jAnA | parantu yahI kahatA ki kisI na

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250 ] Atma-kathA kabhI yaha jhagar3A do-do cAra-cAra dina taka jAtA / parantu sulaha karane ke sivAya dUsarA rAstA hI kyA thA? isaliye antameM sulaha ho hI jAtI / ina anubhavoM se merA vicAra kucha aisA ho gayA ki talAka kI prathAko kadApi uttejana na denA caahie| usakA pariNAma yaha hogA ki jahA~ mela ho sakatA hai, vahA~ bhI mela na ho skegaa| hA~, pahile kucha kAraNa batAye haiM unakI bAta dUsarI hai| ___ ina jhagar3oM ke sivAya bAkI samaya meM merA dAmpatya khUba sukhI thaa| ina jhagar3oM kA sthAyI asara na hotA thA / yA yoM kahanA cAhiye ki merI patnI itanI satarka thI ki kheda kA eka kaNa bhI vaha mere hRdaya meM na rahane detI thI-rokara, ha~sakara, vinodase, sevAse, jaise bhI hotA vaha use haTAkara chodd'tii| itane jhagar3e hone para bhI nikaTa se nikaTa sahavAsI yaha nahIM jAnate the ki hamameM jhagar3A hotA hai / hama premI-yugala ke nAma 'se hI vikhyAta rahe / isakA kAraNa yaha thA ki hama donoMne yaha niyama banA liyA thA ki koI kisI bhI taraha ina jhagar3oM kI bAta 'bAhara na jAne deM / kabhI kabhI jaba jhagar3e meM merA svara joradAra ho jAtA taba merI patnI mujhe TokatI ki dekho AvAja vAhara jA rahI haiN| jhagar3e meM maiM aura saba bAtoM kI upekSA kara sakatA thA, parantu isakI upekSA kabhI na karatA / merA svara dhImA ho jAtA yA maiM cupa ho jaataa| agara isI bIca koI milane A jAtA to donoM hI zIghra mu~ha poMchakara bilakula svastha hokara ha~sate huye cehare se dvAra kholate Agantuka samajhatA ki hama kisI vinoda meM lIna the| isa prakAra premIyugalaM ke nAma se jo hamArI prasiddhi thI vaha hameM premI banane ke

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dAmpatya ke anubhava [ 251 liye, jhagar3oM ko zAnta karane ke liye bahuta prerita karatI thii| dusarA jo hamArA niyama thA, vaha yaha ki kitanA bhI jhagar3A ho, parantu donoM ko apanA apanA kAma karanA hI hogaa| aura samaya to sacanA pAne kI AkAMkSA bhI kI jAtI, parantu ina dinoM binA kisI preraNA ke kAma karanA hotA / maiM usa dina binA kAhe. hI zAka lAtA, binA kahe hI bhojana karane baiTha jAtA, vaha bhI apanI gaTI bjaatii| agara mujhe mAlma hotA ki vaha mere bhojana kara lenepara bhojana na karegI to maiM use sAtha hI bhojana kraataa| donoM yathAzakya isa bAtakA bhI khayAla rakhate ki kisI ne ropama kAma to nahIM khAyA hai / isa satarkatAkA bhI pachi andhA pariNAma hotA thaa| vAstava meM ina donoM niyamoM kA honA bahuta hitakara hai| isozA pariNAma thA ki hama donoM kA dAmpatya mukhamaya thA aura dhIre dhIre aise jhagajhe kI itizrI kara sakA thaa| mujhameM agara ahaM.kArakI mAtrA pAra kama hotI aura usameM merI gambhIra bhAvanAoM ko samajhane kI zakti hotI to prArammamA yaha bakher3A bhI na hotaa| isameM adhika bhUlarIhI thii| mudo usakI yogyatA dekhakara hI AzA pharanI cAhiye thI, parala meM bahuta adhiyA AzA karatA thaa| pI usakA vizAla A merI rasamalA; tara gaMdharSa nAmadAra hthe| pichale varSa bImAra rahI; naba hama dono yA nA aura

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252 ] AtmakathA ko ubhAra diyA thA / isaliye isa mahAn kaSTameM bhI hama donoM kAphI sukhI raha sake the / sukha vAstava meM bhItara kI cIja hai / samavedanA meM jo sukha haiM usakI barAbarI koI bhI bhautika sukha nahIM kara sakatA / hRdaya kA siMhAsana soneke siMhAsana se asaMkhyaguNA kImatI . hai-yaha bAta nava-dampati ko hI nahIM kintu haraeka vyaktiko sadA dhyAna rakhanA caahiye| " gRha-prabaMdha ke viSaya meM merI patnI ko svarAjya prApta thA / maiM usase binA pUche koI bar3A kharca na karatA thA; aisA hI usakA niyama thA / kuJjiyA~ donoM ke pAsa eka sarIkhI thiiN| isa svataMtratA se kabhI koI nukasAna nahIM huaa| mitavyayatA meM puruSa kI apekSA striyA~ zreSTha hotI haiN| hAM, bahutasI striyoM meM AbhUSaNaprema hotA hai, parantu isakA kAraNa unako zrRMgArapriyatA nahIM kintu strI-dhana bar3hAne kI AkAMkSA hai / ve becArI AbhUSaNoM ke dvArA hI thor3I bahuta sampatti apane adhikAra meM lA pAtI haiN| vartamAna dazAko dekhate huMe yaha kSantavya hai / hAM, AbhUSaNoM kI AkAMkSA itanI na bar3ha jAya ki gharakI pUjI hI khatama ho jAya yA AvazyakatA se kama ho jAya, AbhUSaNoM ke liye striyoM ko premake sivAya dabAva na DAlanA cAhiye / merI patnI mujhe samajhAkara hI AbhUSaNa banavAtI thii| mujhase chipAkara usane koI kAma nahIM kiyaa| : yahAM maiM patniyoM se kaha denA cAhatA hU~ ki ve corI se dhanakA vyaya kadApi na kreN| jo kucha kharca ho pati-patnI kI sahamatise ho, tathA Arthika zakti ke anurUpa ho / isa prakAra donoMko lAbha hai / patnI svAmitvakA vAstavika anubhava kara sakatI hai aura

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dAmpatya ke anubhava [253 pati adhika nigakula raha sakatA hai / donoM meM isase premakI mAtrA bhI adhika rahatI hai| isa prakAra miTakara kharca karane meM yA Arthika prabaMdha karane meM jo Ananda hai vaha lakhapati banakara hajAroM kharca karane meM bhI nahIM hai| san 1919 meM jaba maiM banArasa meM adhyApaka niyukta huA, usa samaya merI umra 19 varSa kI thI / patnIko sAtha le gayA / bar3I bar3I umaMgeM thI; parantu vetana thA sirpha mAsika 35) / maiM vetana lAkara patnI ke hAtha para rakha detA / merI patnIne aura maine bhI itane rupaye apane svAmitra meM kabhI na dekhe the / una dinoM maeNhagAI khuba thA- 2) sera ghI milatA thA, anAna vagairaha bhI mehagA thaa| itane para bhI merI patnI mujhe itanA acchA bhojana karAtI jitanA maiMne kabhI nahI kiyA thA / nATaka dekhane kA donoM ko zoka thA / 1) mahInA nATaka hI khA jAtA / phira bhI yaha 5-7 ru. mahIne bacA letI / thor3e se rupaye the, isaliye sArI jI kA prati. dina hisAba laga jAtA thA | garIbI amIrIkA Ananda thaa| yadi Arthikasatra usake hAtha meM na hotA to yaha Ananda kamI na aataa| maiM samajhatA zipraleka patiko aisA hI udAra bananA cAhiya aura pratyeka patnI ko ImAnadAra aura ni:svArtha bananA caahiye|

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254 ] AtmakathA kahIM bhUla mAlUma hotI to snehI svara meM samajhAtA / itanA kabhI na davAtA jisase bhaviSya meM usakA hRdaya mere sAmane rahasya prakaTa karate huye bhaya khAve / isase usake mAnasika vikAsa meM sahAyatA to milI hI, kiMtu do tana eka mana hone kA sukha bhI milA / 1 caritra kA nirmala honA bhI premasukha ke liye atyAvazyaka hai / jo loga sauMdarya se mohita hokara apanI strI ke prati vizvAsaghAta karate haiM, ve usI zAkhA ko kATa rahe haiM jisa para ve baiThe haiM / aise loga apanI patnI ko dukhI karane ke sAtha svayaM bhI azAMta aura dukhI hote haiM / ve prema kA vAstavika Ananda nahIM pA sakate / nArI kA sukha indriya sukha nahIM, hRdaya kA sukha hai / indriya-sukha to hRdaya-sukha ke liye sahAyaka mAtra hai / nArI se jo indriya-sukha hama pAte haiM, vaha anya jar3a vastuoM ke dvArA bhI prApta kiyA jA sakatA hai: parantu hRdaya anyatra nahIM milatA / jo vizvasanIyatA, nizchala prema, sukha-duHkha sahayogitA hameM patnI meM mila sakatI hai, vaha vezyA yA parastrI meM nahIM / isaliye sacce Ananda ke liye bhI ImAnadAra honA Avazyaka hai / yaha ImAnadArI hamArI bar3I se bar3I nidhi thI / ise asAdhAraNa to nahIM kaha sakate; kyoMki deza ke adhikAMza gharoM meM yaha nidhi pAI jAtI hai, yaha deza kA saubhAgya hai | parantu yaha nidhi naSTa na ho jAya isakI khabaradArI rakhanA cAhiye / isakA acchA upAya yaha hai ki vyApAra Adi ke Avazyaka kAryoM ko chor3akara pati yA patnI ko akele kahIM na rahanA caahiye| khAsakara manovinoda ke liye to akele kahIM na jAnA cAhiye / jIvana meM sirpha do cAra apavAdoM ko chor3akara maiM kabhI 1

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256 ] AmattathA tava vaha bImAra ho cukI thI aura idhara jaba se jainadharma kA marma' 'likhanA zurU kiyA taba se putraiSaNA bilakula samApta ho gaI thii| maiM samajhatA hU~ ki saMtAna ke liye dUsarA vivAha karanA nArI ke sAtha anyAya to hai hI paraMtu dAmpatya jIvana kA nAza bhI hai / aisI avasthA meM manuSyako do hI mArga haiM-eka to yaha ki vaha apanI sArI sampatti aura sArI zakti lokasevA meM lagA de; agara aisA na ho sake to putra goda le le | dUsarA vivAha karanA dAmpatya svarga ko naraka banAnA aura asAdhAraNa mUrkhatA hai| itanA hI nahIM balki gunAha belajata bhI hai| zikSaNa ke viSaya meM yahI kahanA hogA ki merI patnI zikSita nahIM thii| usane sirpha hindI kI dUsarI klAsa taka zikSA pAI thI / bAda meM maiMne jainadharma kI kucha zikSA dI / ratnakaraNDa-zrAvakAcAra, dravyasaMgraha taka parIkSA deM sakI kucha hiMdIMkA bhI jJAna bar3hAyA / hiMdI kI pustakeM par3hA karatI thii| idhara dinarAta gharameM vividha viSayoM kI carcA hote rahane tathA pravAsameM mere sAtha rahanese, vyAkhyAna sunate rahanese usake 'vicAra ThIka hogaye the; vaha kucha bahasa bhI karane lagI thii| parantu jaisA cAhiye vaisA zikSaNa maiM na de sakA / isakA eka kAraNa to merI yogyatA thI / vidyArthiyoM ko par3hAne meM aura patnI ko paDhAne meM jo aMtara hotA hai, usase maiM anabhijJa thA / maiM thor3emeM hI garama ho jAtA thA, isase usakA utsAha bhagna ho jAtA / jaba. maiM apanI 'isa murkhatA se paricita huA taba mere pAsa sAmAjika kArya itanA . baDha gayA thA ki maiM paryApta samaya isake liye nahIM de sakatA thaa| idhara pichale '6 varSa bImArIne khA liye the| yuvakoM se maiM kahUMgA ki

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258 AtmakathA sakate haiM / hA~, striyA~ bhI manuSya haiM, zikSaNa kA Ananda unheM bhI milanA cAhiye, apane pairoM para khar3I hone kA unheM bhI haka hai inaliye strIzikSA kA pracAra atyAvazyaka hai / vivAha ke samaya hameM apanI sahayoginI ke zikSaNakA bhI khayAla rakhanA cAhiye / parantu vivAha ke bAda vaha jaisI ho usI santuSTa hokara usake anukUla vanane kI aura use apane anukUla banAne kI koziza karanA caahiye| yahAM maiM navapatniyoM se bhI kahU~gA ki yadi Apa loga prema, Adara aura adhikAra cAhatI ho to isake liye yogyatA prApta karanI hogii| yadi Apa zikSita hai to isakA yaha artha nahIM ki Apa ArAma kareM / jIvanopayogI kucha na kucha kArya jaise purupako karanA par3atA hai, vaise hI Apako bhI karanA cAhiye / Apa sabhAoM meM jAo, vyAkhyAna do, lekha likho, zAstrArtha karo, yaha saba bahuta acchA hai; parantu ye saba kAma phurasata ke haiN| gRhapravandha pahilA kAma haiM, isake liye majadUrI karanA par3e to bhI Apa pIche mata htto| jo triyA~ gharakA kAma to sava samhAlatI haiM, parantu patike anurUpa vicArakatA aura zikSaNa meM Age nahIM bar3hatIM, ve bhUla karatI haiN| unakA kartavya hai ki ve samaya nikAlakara. yogya bane; anyathA unake vyaktitvako dhakkA lgegaa| Azcarya nahIM unakI ginatI majadurinoMmeM ho jAya / patnI kA artha hai mAlakina / jo mAlakina hai usakA kAma korI paMDitAI se yA korI majadUrIse nahIM cala sakatA, usameM donoM honA cAhiye / / . aba eka bAta sudhAra ke viSaya meM aura kahU~gA / hama loga usa prAnta ke haiM. jo sudhArakI dRSTi se bahuta pichar3A huA hai / pardA

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dAmpatya ke anubhava [ 259 aura pada se sambandha rakhanevAle AMcAra vahAM pracalita haiM / polakA pahinanA bhI bar3A phaizana samajhA jAtA hai / hama loga indaura meM Aye to vahAM bhI yahI hAla thA / sudhAra karane kI merI icchA thI / maiM sudhAra ke lekha use sunAtA jo prAyaH mere hI likhe hote, aisI hI carcA karake sudhAra ke prati AkAMkSA utpanna karato / jaba kucha bhUmikA taiyAra huI taba maiMne patnI se kahA- calo, Aja apana donoM havA khAne caleM | gaye to ja~varIbAga ke sabhI logoM ko tAjjuba huA | parantu merA phakkar3apana saba samajhate the isaliye kucha kaha na sake / kucha dina TIkATippaNI huIM, parantu bAdameM to anya loga bhI sapatnIka bhramaNa karane jAne lage / striyoMko sudhAraM varA nahIM lagatA parantu saMkucita vAtAvaraNa meM rahane tathAM zikSaNa ke abhAva ke kAraNa TIkAoM kA sAmanA karane meM ve DaratI haiM / yadi patikA vala mile aura unheM premase samajhAyA jAya to ve taiyAra ho jAtI haiM / jaba merI patnI kahIM se zikAyata lAtI ki Aja amukaM strI ne ghUMghaTa na karane ke kAraNa yaha kahA, AbhUSaNoM ke viSaya meM vaha kahA, taba maiM use koI mArmika uttara batAtA jisakA upayoga karake vaha sAmanA karatI / jaba kucha uttara na sUjhatA taba yahI kahatI ki mujhe apane ghara ke AdamI ko khuza rakhanA hai, duniyA ko khuza nahIM rakhanA / mauke bemauke ke liye aise aneka uttara maiMne sikhA rakkhe the jinheM usane samajhapUrvaka apanA liyA thA / mere jitane sudhAraka vicAra haiM una sabakA usane prArambha meM virodha kiyA thA, parantu maiMne na to isake liye use phaTakArA, na upekSA kI; kintu khAte-pIte, calate-phirate use premase samajhAyAM, sarala dalIloM kA upayoga kiyA, kabhI kabhI 1 "

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260 ] Atma-kathA usakI bhAvanAoM ko uttejita karake vicAroM kI chApa mArI | parantu yaha kabhI anubhava nahIM hone diyA ki maiM dabAtA hU~ | maiMne sadA yahI kahA ki merI bAta jace to mAno, maiM tumhAre dharma meM bAdhA nahIM DAlUMgA / eka tarapha itanI DhIla thI to dUsarI tarapha apane vicAra usake kAnoM meM DAlatA hI rahatA thA / jainajagata yA satyasaMdeza kA svAdhyAya karanA usakA niyama thA, na samajhane para bhI vaha par3hatI thI / isakA eka kAraNa yaha bhI thA ki vaha merI cIz2a thI, isakA bhI kucha prabhAva par3atA thA / agara vaha na par3hatI to maiM hI sunAtA / vaha roTI banAtI maiM lekha sunAtA / ' ye hamAre liye kitanA parizrama karate haiM? - isakA bhI usake hRdaya para kucha prabhAva par3atA thA / matabheda pragaTa karane ke viSaya meM hama donoM kI eka nIti yaha thI ki matabheda Apasa meM hI pragaTa kiye jAMya bAhara pragaTa na kiye jAMya / vijAtIya vivAha, vidhavA-vivAha, muniyoM kI AlocanA Adi viSayoM meM yadyapi zAntA ekadama sahamata nahIM parantu jaba se maiMne isa viSaya ke Andolana uThAye tava se usane bAhara virodha nahIM kiyA / pIche to mere saba AndolanoM ke viSaya meM usake vicAra mere sarIkhe hI ho gaye / kadAcit unake pragaTa karane kI dRr3hatA meM vaha mujhase pIche na rahI / eka bAra kI bAta hai ki vaha apanI vahina ke yahAM UmarA [ sAgara ] gaI thI, usI samaya vahAM zAntisAgara saMgha AyA thA / usakI bahana ne bhI muniyoM ke liye bhojana banAyA / saMghavAloM ko patA laga gayA ki merI patnI vahAM hai / bhalA saMghavAle isa avasara ko kaise cUka sakate the ? maiM vahAM thA nahIM, isaliye isa

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dAmpatya ke anubhava [261 avasara kA upayoga saMghavAloM ne merI patnI ko apamAnita karane ke liye karanA cAhA / sadhe hue DhaMga se eka muni vahAM pahuMce cauke meM kauna kauna hai?--isakI jAMca kara. merI patnI ko zUdrajala tyAga . yA kucha aura pratijJA karAnA cAhI jisakA maiM jaina-jagata meM virodha karatA thaa| merI patnI ne bhI. usa bAta kA virodha kiyA / muni mahAzaya isa bAta para ar3a gaye ki maiM bhojana nahIM lUMgA / merI. patnI ne nirbhayatA se kahA- maiM anucita pratijJA nahIM kara sakatI mujhe aise puNya kI jarUrata nahIM hai Apa khuzI se bhojana lIjiye maiM cauke ke bAhara calI jAtI huuN| zAntA kI bahina Adi ko yaha nA-gavAra gujarA ki muni ko bhojana karAne ke liye bahina ko cauke ke bAhara jAnA par3e isaliye unane zAntA ko cauke se bAhara na jAne diyA |maamlaa Ter3A ho gayA / saba riztedAra mihamAna aura gAMvavAle jur3a gaye, saba zAntA ko manAne lage-bAI, pratijJA meM kyA harja hai ? na ho cAra ATha dina ke liye le lo / zAntA eka tarapha aura bAkI saba dUsarI tarapha, para usane dRr3hatA se kahA---jisa pratijJA ko maiM ThIka nahIM samajhatI use eka dina ke liye bhI kyoM lUM ? __anta meM munimahAzaya ko vinA AhAra liye hI jAnA pdd'aa| zAntA kI dRr3hatA ko haTha kahakara kisI kisI ne nindA bhI kI, kisI kisI ne tArIpha bhI kI, para ina saba bAtoM kI parvAha kiye binA . vaha dRr3ha rahI / isa ghaTanA ke bAda to usakI dRr3hatA aura bar3ha gaI aura jaba saMgha zAhapura AyA, jahAM zAntA ke mAtApitA rahate the, taba vahAM bhI usake mAtApitA ke ghara kisI muni ko AhAra nahIM

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262 ] AtmakathA diyA gyaa| - isa prakAra kI dRr3hatA kA kAraNa yaha thA ki maiMne usake vicAroM para kabhI jabardastI nahIM kI / merA kahanA sirpha yaha thA ki avasara para kisI ziSTAcAra kA bhaMga na honA cAhiye aura isakA vaha barAbara pAlana karatI thii| phira matabheda miTajAne para to kucha 'kahane kI bhI jarUrata nahIM rahI thii| cAroM vargoM ke loga mere yahAM cauke meM bhojana kara jAte the aura usako koI itarAja nahIM thaa| . striyoM ko sudhAra ke patha para lAne ke liye yahI nIti ThIka hai ki unake sAtha jabardastI na jAya aura na unapara upekSA kI jAya, dhIre dhIre premapUrvaka unheM samajhAyA jAya / manuSya mAtra ke liye / yahI nIti upayogI hai parantu striyoM ke liye kucha vizeSa mAtrA meM upayogI hai| . hAM, yaha bhI mAnanA par3atA hai ki agara zAntA meM kucha sahaja yogyatA na hotI to merI isa nIti se bhI kucha vizeSa lAbha na hotaa| para isa prakAra sahajayogyatArahita vyakti bahuta kama hote haiM isaliye sAdhAraNataH yaha nIti upayogI hai| . dAmpatya ke anubhava kaDue mIThe aneka taraha ke haiN| mere dAmpatya kA prArambha aisI avasthA se huA thA jisameM agara barbaratA na kahI jAya to bhI paryApta pazutA thIM yaha kahA jA sakatA hai| dampati meM mArapITa ke avasara AjAnA eka taraha kI barbaratA hI hai vaha mere dAmpatya meM nahIM thI para mUrkhatA :kAphI thii| dhIre dhIre anubhavoM ne mere dAmpatya ko manuSyatA ke dvAra para pahuMcA diyA thaa|

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.. bambaI se vidAI . [263 dAmpatya meM kAphI manuSyatA AgaI thI yaha kahUM to bhI koI atyukti na hogii| 28 bambaI se vidAI . satyasamAja kI sthApanA ke bAda se hI yaha vicAra dRDha ho gayA thA ki naukarI karate hue yaha mahAna kArya na hogaa| kahIM Azrama banAkara svatantratA se baiThanA pdd'egaa| Azrama kaba banegA aura kaise banegA isakA kucha nizcaya na hone para bhI usakA nAmakaraNa ho gayA thA aura usake satyAzrama nAma kI ghoSaNA bhI kara dI thI aura samaya asamaya usa nAma kA ullekha bhI kiyA karatA thaa| pahile jo pAMca varSa taka naukarI karane kA vicAra kiyA thA usake pUre hone meM to dera thI para dasa hajAra rupaye jor3ane kI pratijJA pUrI ho cukI thii| isaliye jaldI hI Azrama ke sthAna kI talAza meM thA para jaisA jAhiye vaisA sthAna mujhe na milasakA isaliye derI hotI gaI / zAyada ekAdha varSa aura bhI nikala jAtA para zvetAmbara samAja meM bhI mere virodha meM kSobha hone lagA isaliye satyAzrama kI sthApanA meM kucha aura jaldI hogaI / . . merI bar3I naukarI mUrtipUjaka zvetAmbara sampradAya ke mahAvIra vidyAlaya meM thI / yadyapi jainadharmamImAMsA meM donoM sampradAyoM kI bahuta sI mAnyatAoM kA virodha kiyA gayA thA para zvetAmbara sAhitya meM aitihAsika dRSTi se aura samAja-sudhAra kI dRSTi se adhika masAlA thA isaliye digambaroM kI apekSA zvetAmbaroM kA

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264 ] AmatsthA kA virodha kama huA thA, isa bAta ko lekara digambara samAja ke virodhI vidvAna yaha apavAda lagAyA karate the ki maiM zvetAmbaroM ke Tukar3e khAtA hUM isaliye unake gIta gAtA huuN.| eka tarapha mujhapara isa prakAra AkramaNa karake digambara jainoM ko bhar3akAyA jAtA . thA aura dUsarI tarapha zvetAmbara samAja ko bhar3akAyA jAtA thA ki maiM kaisA dharmadrohI hUM, jainadharma ko jar3a mUla se ukhAr3a rahA hUM, aise AdamI ko naukarI meM rakhanA var3A bhArI andhera haiN| isa prakAra eka bAta kahakara mere virodha meM digambara samAja ko bhar3akAyA jAtA thA aura usase ulTI dUsarI bAta kahakara zvetAmbara samAja ko bhar3akAyA jAtA thA / eka meM mujhe zvetAmbaroM kA gulAma yA piTU kahA jAtA thA to dUsarI meM unakA virodhI batAyA jAtA thaa| - mujhe yaha khUba hI anubhava karanA par3A ki matabheda matavirodha taka hI sImita nahIM rahA vaha vyaktitva virodha bana gayA aura usake liye ImAnadArI bhI jarUrI na rhii| jina virodhiyoM ko merI niSpakSatA kA patA thA ve bhI mujhe zvetAmbaroM ke izAre para nAcanevAlA samajhate the, hAlAM ki apane vicAroM kI rakSA ke liye maiM indora kI naukarI chor3a cukA thaa| khaira, anta meM zvetAmbara samAja meM kSobhaM vaDhA, mere virodha meM arthAta mujhe vidyAlaya se haTA denA cAhiye isake samarthana meM Ando. . .lana hone. lagA, muMbaIsamAcAra sarIkhe sArvajanika patrameM bhI yaha carcA Ane lagI / isa bAta ko lekara vidyAlaya ke pradhAna maMtrIne 'javAba talaba kiyA / maiMne javAba diyA ki "jo kucha maiM kara rahA hUM jaina dharma ko akATya tathA vaijJAnika banAne ke liye kara rahA

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bambaI se vidAI [ 265 | vicAraka vidvAnoM ke dvArA samAja aura sAhitya Age ko bar3hatA haiM isaliye samAja kA kartavya hai ki vaha aise vidvAnoM ko suvidhA da uttejana de hara taraha sahAyatA pahu~cAye, sAM yaha to rahA dUra, kintu maiM jo majadUrI karake jIvikA calAtA hU~ vicArakatA ke daMDa meM jaba vaha bhI mujhase chInI jAtI hai taba mujhe Azrarya hotA hai aura samAja ke isa durbhAgya para kheda hotA hai" / ThIka ThIka zabda to yAda nahIM para bhAva yahI thA / isakA kyA asara huA yaha nahIM mAlUma, hAM jarUrI asara na hone para bhI itanA avazya huA ki phira mujhase javAba-talaba nahIM kiyA gayA kucha mahInoM ke liye kSobha daba gayA / para mere virodhI pracAraka zAnta na the, unakI kRpA se kSobha phailatA jAtA thA aura antameM aisA bhI huA ki kameTIne mujhe alaga karane kA prastAva pAsa kara liyA para huA isa taraha ki mere samarthaka membaroM ko patA na lagA / isaliye isa aniyamita kArya ke virodha meM bhI AvAja Ane lagI, zrI mohanalAlajI dalIcandajI dezAI ne to itanA jora lagAyA ki kameTIko prastAva nAjAyaja karAra denA par3A | isa prakAra mere pAsa stIphA dene kI sUcanA Ane ke pahile hI majhe alaga karane kA prastAva radda ho gayA / isameM koI sandeha nahIM ki maiM agara thor3A bhI jora lagAtA to mahAvIra vidyAlaya se merA sambandha na TUTatA / kyoMki kucha membara mere vicAroM ke samarthaka the, kucha madhyastha the, ve kahate the ki jaba kAma khUba acchI taraha ho rahA hai aura zikSaNa kAphI U~ce darjepara pahu~cA diyA gayA hai taba aise yogya parizramI aura ImAnadAra AdamI

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1 266 ] AtmakathA ko alaga kyoM karanA cAhiye ? alaga karane se saba kAma bigar3a jAyagA | agara maiMne kucha zvetAmbara muniyoM ko par3hAne kI sevA se inakAra na kiyA hotA, kucha membaroM ke ghara jAkara unheM apanI bakAlata karane ko samajhAyA hotA to isameM sandeha nahIM ki kameTI meM mere samarthakoM kA kAphI bar3A bahumata hotA, para satyasamAja kI sthApanA karane se isa prakAra apane gaurava ko dhakkA lagAne kI icchA nahIM raha gaI thI kyoMki isase kucha aMzoM meM satyasamAja kA bhI apamAna hotA thA, sAtha hI satyAzrama kI sthApanA kA nizcaya hone se naukarI kI icchA nahIM thI, sthAna milane para maiM khuda hI chor3anevAlA thA isaliye kameTI kI harakatoM ko eka darzaka kI taraha dekhatA thA arthAt sunatA thA / kameTI ke sAmane bhI merI isa lAparvAhI kI bAta pahu~ca gaI thI / prastAva radda honepara kameTI meM kucha dalabandI sI ho gaI / phira bhI carcA kucha zAnta rahI / itane meM merI patnI kA dehAnta ho gayA isaliye ziSTAcAra ke kAraNa bhI kucha mahine yaha prazna na uThAyA gyaa| bAda meM jaba yaha prazna uThA taba kisI ne kaha diyA ki isa praznako kyoM uThAte ho -- ve khuda hI naukarI chor3anevAle haiM ve apanA svataMtra Azrama kucha mahIne meM banAyeMge taba unako apanI tarapha se alaga karake kyoM vadanAmI mola lI jAya / isa bAta para phira prastAva sthagita rahA / isameM sandeha nahIM ki mujhe naukarI chor3anA thI para agara na chor3anA hotI to merI svataMtra vicArakatA ke kAraNa vidyAlaya chur3A detA. aura vAstava meM usane mujhe alaga hI kiyA, bhale hI ziSTAcAra *

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vambaI se vidAI - [267 ne usakA koI dUsarA rUpa de diyA ho / mujhe isa bAta kI cintA nahIM thI ki mujhe vidyAlaya naukarI se chur3A na de / merI samajha se to mere donoM hAtha laDDU the| agara vidyAlaya chur3A de to apanI svataMtra vicArakatA ke liye apanI jIvikA kI eka kurvAnI aura ho jAya, agara maiM hI calA jAU~ to samAja-hita ke liye merA yaha tyAga ho jAya / tapa aura tyAga donoM ke liye maiM taiyAra thA isaliye nizcinta thaa| hA~, itanA anubhava huA ki vicArakoM aura sudhArakoM kA mArga kAphI ka~TIlA hai / phakIrI ke liye taiyAra hue vinA isa mArga meM vizeSa sevA nahIM kI jA sktii| Azrama ke liye yogya sthAna DhU~r3ha rahA thA para mila nahIM pAyA thaa| idhara paristhiti aisI A gaI thI ki binA pAye aba gujara nahIM thii| aba jo bhI sthAna mila jAya vahIM vasanA jarUrI ho gayA thA isaliye ekabAra phira daurA kiyA aura dhUmate ghUmate vardhA A phuNcaa| dezabhakta seTha jamanAlAlajI bajAja se mere viSaya meM kacha mitroMne pahile hI kucha kaha diyA thA / maiM jaba milA to seThajI ne icchA vyakta kI ki maiM vardhA hI apanA kendra bnaauuN| unane yahAM rahane ke bahuta se phAyade bhI sunAye / saMsthA ke liye pAMca sAla taka 50) mahInA dene yA dilAne kA vacana bhI diyA / yadyapi vardhA mujhe pUrI taraha pasanda nahIM AyA para dUsarA koI sthAna mila nahIM rahA thA aura bambaI meM bekAra baiThanA bhI ThIka nahIM thA isaliye . vardhA hI cuna liyaa| . mere mitroM kI. yaha icchA nahIM thI ki maiM isa prakAra ardha

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268 ] AtmakathA sanyAsa lU~ aura jaba ki mere sAmane apane punarvivAha kI samasyA khar3I thI taba isa prakAra naukarI chor3anA anucita hI thA / tyAgI jIvana meM kyA kyA kaThinAiyA~ AyeMgI isakA citraNa mitroM ne kiyA thA aura isameM sandeha nahIM ki unakA kahanA saca thA aura Aja taka ke anubhavoM ne unake zabdoM kI tAIda hI kI hai phira bhI maiM naukarI chor3anA cAhatA thA kyoMki mujhe khuda apane para pUrA vizvAsa nahIM thA / maiM kucha maiM socatA thA ki yahI vaha umra hai jisameM manuSya apane jIvana vizeSa parivartana kara sakatA hai| kama umra meM kiye gaye parivartana anubhava zUnya hote haiM aura adhika umra meM miTa jAtI hai / isaliye maiM DaratA thA ki agara taraha gujara gaye to sadaiva isI cakkara meM pha~sA rahU~gA / satyAzrama Adi kA svapna dekhatA huA kadAcit rotA rotA mara jAU~gA / parivartana kI icchA kucha varSa aura isI eka bAta aura thI ki maiM nahIM cAhatA thA ki merA vivAha . merI 200) mAsika AmadanI ko dekhakara ho meM aisI hI sahacarI cAhatA thA jo merI phakIrI meM prasannatA se sAtha de sake isaliye maiM vivAha ke pahile hI kucha kucha phakIra bana jAnA cAhatA thA isaliye bhI baMbaI chor3anA jarUrI thA / isaliye 1 maI 1936 ko ' baMbaI se vidA lekara vardhA A pahuMcA I 29 varSA Agamana aura pitRviyoga saba sAmAna lekara pitAjI ke sAtha 2 maI 1936 ko vardhA A gayA / vardhA kI paristhiti aisI nahIM thI ki utsAha yA

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vardhA Agamana aura pitRviyoga [ 269 Ananda hotA, eka taraha se aMdhere meM hI kUda par3A thaa| pitAjI samajha hI nahIM pAte the ki yaha saba maiM kyA kara rahA huuN| phira bhI ve cupacApa merA anukaraNa kara rahe the / unakA vizvAsa thA ki mere lar3ake ne jaba vilakula garIbI se choTI moTI amIrI hAsila kI, . agar3ha vApa kA beTA honepara bhI itanI vidyA pAI tava vaha koI murkhatA kA kAma na kregaa| pitAjI kI icchA thI.ki eka vAra ghara jAkara saba sAmAna Adi lekara yA dekara sadA ke liye nizcinta hokara vardhA paha~ca / isaliye mere liye rasoiyA kI vyavasthA. ho jAne para unane damoha ke liye prasthAna kara diyA / aba maiM vilakula akelA raha : yaa| vardhA meM garmI bahuta thii| yahA~ koI satyasamAjI nahIM thA ki koI kAryakrama rakhakara samaya kI upayogitA samajhakara dila bahalAtA / isaliye socA ki vardhA meM vekAma kI garmI khAne kI apekSA dillI tarapha ghUmakara kucha kAma kI garmI kyoM na khAU~ / lauTate samaya pitA jI ko sAtha lekara jana meM vadhI A jAU~gA / isa vicAra se maiM dillI pahu~cA vahAM se mujaphpharanagara gayA vahAM se meraTha AyA ki bImArI kA tAra milA / merA koI nizcita patA na hone se tAra dera se milA thA isaliye jaba maiM damoha pahu~cA taba pitAjI kA dehAnta ho cukA thaa| ve mere liye kitane tar3apate rahe aura merI anupasthiti se unheM kitanI vedanA huI, anta samaya bhI maiM unake kAma na A sakA isakI kAphI coTa dila ko lgii| . unakI sAhukArI to unake sAtha gaI, bahuta se ghaniSTa logoM ne gI jhUTha kaha diyA ki hama rupaye de cuke / khaira, dasa-dasa bIsa.

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270 ] Atma-kathA bIsa rupaye kI rakamoM kI itanI cintA nahIM thI, para Aja manupya Arthika mAmaloM meM kisa prakAra patita ho gayA hai aura ghaniSTa loga bhI vizvAsapAtra nahIM raha gaye haiM isa vAtako lekara kheda avazya huaa| pitAjI kA bahutasA sAmAna thA, kucha idhara udhara de diyA, kucha riztedAroM kI bheMTa huA / isa prakAra ghara ko niHzeSa karake maiM pAMca-sAta dina meM phira amarohA kI tarapha lauttaa| vahAM pracAra karake jUna ke prArambha meM vardhA A phuNcaa| vardhA kA makAna DhaMga kA nahIM thA para kAphI bar3A thA aura aisA thA ki kucha logoM kI kalpanA thI ki isameM bhUta rahate haiM / mujhe bhUtoM kA Dara nahIM thA, agara bhUta hote to maiM unheM cAhatA, patnIviyoga aura pitaviyoga ke bAda jo maiM usa rAta ko usa . vizAla zUnya gRha meM ekAkIpana kA anubhava kara rahA thA usako dUra karane ke liye bhUtoM kI saMgati bhI burI na hotI / para bhUtoM ko . kyA garaja thI ki merA dila bahalAne ke liye padhArate / kahane ke liye to janasevA ke liye jIvana de diyA thA aura patnIviyoga va pitaviyoga ke hone para bhI maiM apane kartavya se pIche nahIM lauTA thA para itanA vItarAga na bana sakA thA ki isa ' prakAra ke kuTumba-dhvaMsa kI vedanA mana meM bhI na aatii| ThIka ThIka sahayogI mile nahIM the nikaTa bhaviSya meM milane kI AzA nahIM thI isaliye patnI aura pitAjI donoM kI jarUrata mAlUma ho rahI thii| . pitAjI ko kucha varSoM taka jIvita dekhane kI icchA ke bhItara to eka prakAra kA ahaMkAra bhI thaa| zabdoM se nahIM kinta ___ . jIvana ke dvArA maiM unheM batA denA cAhatA thA ki tumhAre rokate

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vardhA Agamana aura pitRviyoga [ 271 rokate bhI maiMne par3ha likhakara jaise dhana aura yaza kamAyA aura tumheM bhI santuSTa aura sukhI kiyA usI prakAra Aja naukarI chor3akara bhI tumheM pahile se adhika santuSTa rakha sakU~gA / yaha kitanI pracchanna aura gaharI ahaMkAra pUjA hai / AdamI sAdhAraNataH apane mAtA-pitA tathA purAne paricitoM ko apanI saphalatA yA utkarSa dikhAnA cAhatA hai usake mUla meM yahI ahaMkAra pUjA rahatI hai / yaha aparicitoM ko dikhAne se utanI nahIM hotI jitanI paricitoM ko dikhAne se / aparicitoM ke liye to hama zurU se hI kucha bar3e dikhAI dete haiM para mAtA-pitA Adi ne to hamAre ve dina dekhe hote haiM jaba hama bilakula asamartha dIna aura apar3ha the / unakI najaroM meM hamAre vikAsa kI mAtrA adhika se adhika dikhatI hai aura phira kahIM unakI AzA ke anurUpa yA usase adhika vikAsa huA tatra to kahanA hI kyA hai / vikAsa kI mAtrA jo jitanI adhika dekha pAte haiM unhIM ko apanA utkarSa dikhAne ke * liye mana utanA hI adhika lAlAyita huA karatA hai, kyoMki isase hama apanI mahattA kA anubhava adhika kara pAte haiM / vahuta burI na honepara bhI Akhira yaha ahaMkAra pUjA hai / agara mAtrA yA ziSTAcAra kA viveka na rahe to yaha bahuta burI bhI ho jAtI hai isase apanI kSudratA kA paricaya bhI milatA hai / 1 manuSya ke parArtha ke bhItara kitane gahare paTala para svArtha baiThA huA hai aura UMce se UMce parArtha meM bhI kisa prakAra svArthasiddhi hai isakA vicAra karane para Azcaryacakita ho jAnA par3atA hai / manuSya ke dila kI gaharAI asIma hai aura usameM eka ke bAda eka.

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272 ] AtmasthA itane vicitra parde haiM ki unake bhItara se asalI vAta dekha sakanA . asaMbhava sA mAlUma hotA hai / dUsaroM ke diloM kI bAta to dUra raheM para apane dila kI asaliyata pahicAnanA bhI kAphI kaThina hai : isaliye manuSya dUsaroM ko to dhokhA detA hI hai para apane ko bhI kucha kama dhokhA nahIM detaa| aisA mAlUma hotA hai ki manuSya korA parArtha zAyada hI kara sakatA hai / usake mahAna se mahAna parArtha ke mItara bahuta gahare jAkara usakI svArtha-siddhi rahatI hai / isaliye parArtha ko tyAga kahanA . parArtha kI stuti karanA hai / ise mahaMgA saudA kahane kI bhI jarUrata bahuta kama mAlUma hotI hai yaha vivekaparNa saudA hai jo svaparakalyANakArI hai| hAM, itanA viveka bahuta kama meM pAyA jAtA hai isake prArambha meM kucha tyAga rahatA hai isaliye yaha durlabha prazaMsanIya aura vaMdanIya hai| . khaira, pitAjI ko aura bhI jIvita dekhane aura unakI sevA karane ke parArtha meM bhI jisa prakAra svArtha aura ahaMkAra ghusA huA thA usase mAnava hRdaya kI jaTilatA kA bahuta kucha AbhAsa milatA hai| niHsandeha manuSya ko isase UMcA uThanA cAhiye, maiM koziza bhI karatA hUM, kabhI kabhI amuka aMza meM saphalatA kA AbhAsa bhI milatA hai para pUrNa saphalatA nahIM pAsakA hUM / apanI apUrNatA kA : khayAla karate hue yahI socatA hUM ki dUsaroM para apane nAma pUjA pratiSThA yA jIvana kA bojha na lAdUM dUsaroM ke naitika svArthoM ko dhakkA na pahuMcAUM to yahI saba se bar3I saphalatA hai| vardhA Agamana ke viSaya meM vizeSa kucha nahIM kahA jA sakatA

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paMDitA veNuvAI -- adhyakSA - vidarbhamadhyaprAMtIya - jaina- mahilA - pariSada d cAMdUra adhivezana. [ vila ke pahile ] Da

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nayA saMsAra [ 273 kyoMki vardhA ke anubhava abhI pUre nahIM hue haiM na una anubhavoM se A itanA dUra pahu~ca pAyA hU~ ki eka darzaka kI taraha unake viSaya meM kucha kaha sakUM | isaliye yaha prakaraNa jaldI samApta kara detA hUM / 30 nayA saMsAra patnIviyoga ke bAda kucha dina taka zoka rahA, phira eka taraha kA vairAgya AyA, eka to naukarI Adi chor3ane kA pahile se nizcaya thA phira yaha ghaTanA ghaTI, daiva ne saMnyAsa lene kA pUrA yoga milA diyA / maiM socane lagA ki agara yaha raMga cAra chaH mahIne car3hA rahA aura itane samaya taka kAma sotA' par3A rahA to samajha lUMgA ki vaha mara gayA hai aura maiM nizcintatA se karmayogI saMnyAsI bana sakatA hU~ / para aTThAIsa untIsa dina ke bAda hI mAlUma hogayA ki vaha marA nahIM hai / sirpha supta haiM aura vaha Aja nahIM to kala garjegA / tatra maiM caukannA huA aura naye sire se isa samasyA para * . " vicAra karane lagA / " usa samaya merI umra chattIsa varSa kI thI / dUsare dezoM meM yaha umra javAnI ke madhyAhna ke pahile kI hai, isa deza meM madhyAhna ke bAda kI, mere liye madhyAhna kI thI isaliye idhara aura udhara citta DA~vADola ho rahA thA / eka mArga yaha thA ki vivAha na kiyA jAya kAma ko dabAne ke liye bAhya tapasyAe~ kI jaoNya, se bacA jAya / dUsarA mArga yaha thA ki vivAha patnI ko bhI satya samAja ke pracAra meM sahAyaka banAyA jAya, isa prakAra strI jAti kI tarapha se bhI nirbhaya rahA jAya / donoM hI pakSoM strImAtra ke saMsarga kiyA jAya aura P

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274 ] AtmakathA meM kucha kucha lAbha aura kucha kucha hAniyA~ thIM / . . avivAhita jIvana bitAne meM pracAra kI Adhika sambhAvanA thI, janatA kI manovRtti ke anusAra pUjA pratiSThA bhI adhika mila sakatI thii| para jina vAhya tapasyAoM kA mahatva meM kama karanA cAhatA thA unakA hI mahatva bar3hAnA par3atA yA bar3ha jAtA, gRhastha jIvana meM bhI sAdhutA raha sakatI hai yaha pATha duniyA . bhUlI huI hai, usakI yaha bhUla sudhArane ke liye prayatna na ho pAtA, badanAmI ke kArya se bace rahane para bhI sAdhAraNa nimitta se hI mujhe badanAma karane kA virodhiyoM ko avasara milatA / vivAhita jIvana meM ye lAmAlAbha badala gye| . para lAbhAlAbha kI bAta kinAre rahe, mukhya bAta manovRtti kI hI kahanA cAhiye, ise, eka taraha se kamajorI bhI kahA jA sakatA hai| hAM, para naM to yaha anyAya thA na ekAnta se hAnikara, lAbha bhI the hI, isaliye maiMne vivAha karane kA hI nizcaya kara liyaa| patnIviyoga meM sahAnubhUti ke jo patra Aye unameM caudaha pandraha patra kanyAoM ke abhibhAvakoM ke the. jisameM unane apanI beTI yA bahina ke sAtha zAdI karane kA prastAva kiyA thA, bAda meM kucha aura sambandha bhI aaye| Azcarya to yaha hai. ki isa prakAra sambandha karane kA prastAva rakhanevAloM meM ve loga bhI the jinane merI sudhArakatA ko aura mujhe sadaiva kosA thA, isa bAta ko lekara jinane. nindA kI thii| mere itane virodhI. honepara bhI mere viSaya meM unake manameM itanA sanmAna thA isa bAta se mujhe Azcarya hI huaa| / sambandha to bIsa-bAIsa A gaye para unameM eka bhI sambandha

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nayA saMsAra . [ 275 aisA nahIM thA jise maiM svIkAra karatA kyoMki eka ko chor3akara saba _ ke saba sambandha paravAra jAti kI kanyAoM ke the, paravAra jAti meM 'janma lene ke kAraNa maiM paravAra kanyA se zAdI karane ko taiyAra na thA, kyoMki jAtivandhana tor3ane ke virodha meM bhenaM jitanA Andolana kiyA thA vaha saba niSphala ho jAtA agara maiM avasara Anepara paravAra jAti meM hI zAdI kara letAM / yoM bhI jAti bandhana ko svIkAra karanA maiM eka taraha kA pApa samajhatA hU~, isa jAtIyatA ne nAnArUpa dhAraNa karake manuSya jAti ke jaise Tukar3e Tukar3e kiye haiM, manuSya hRdaya ko jisa prakAra saMkucita pakSapAtI aura anyAyI banAyA hai use dekhate hue maiM ise mAnava-jAti ke liye eka bar3A se bar3A , abhizApa mAnatA huuN| - sahacarI ke cunAva-kSetroM kA krama maiMne isa prakAra banAyA thA-1-dUsarI jAti aura dUsare dharma kI vidhavA, 2-dUsarI jAti kI" jaina-vidhavA, 3-dUsarI jAti kI dUsare dharma kI kumArI, 4-dUsarI jAti kI jaina kumArI, 5-paravAra jAti kI vidhavA / paravAra jAti kI kumArI ke liye koI sthAna nahIM thA isake liye maiM kisI bhI hAlata meM taiyAra na thA isaliye itane sambandha Aye aura vyartha gye| vijAtIya vivAha aura vidhavA-vivAha ina donoM ko maiM eka hI sAtha sArthaka karanA cAhatA thA, para agara aisA sambandha na milatA to maiM vidhavAvivAha kI apekSA vijAtIya-vivAha ko adhika . pasanda karatA kyoMki rASTrakI sAmAjika samasyA vidhavAvivAha na hone se itanI jaTila nahIM hai jitanI vijAtIya vivAha na hone se hai| . .

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276 ] AtmakathA para jAti ke bAhara sambandha karane meM mere sAmane bar3I kaThinAI AI / kyoMki vahAM paricaya thor3A thA aura jo koI sambandha AtA thA vahAM maiM kaha detA thA ki maiM naukarI chor3akara isa prakAra samAjasevA ke liye Azrama banAne vAlA hU~ / isase loga ghatrarA jAte the / para maiMne nizcaya kara liyA thA ki apanI pUrI paristhiti ko jatAye binA zAdI na karU~gA / isameM kevala 'satyapriyatA thI so bAta nahIM hai kintu yaha svArtha bhI thA ki kala koI bar3I AzA se Ave aura yahAM phakIrI vAnA pAkara asantoSa jAhira kare to apane ko yaha sahana na hogA isaliye pahile se hI sArI sthiti sApha kara denA ThIka hai / vidhavA vivAha kI kaThinAiyA~ aura jyAdA thIM / maiM cAhatA thA ki zikSita svastha aura sadAcAriNI vidhavA mile, para isa deza maiM apane vivAha kI carcA karane ke liye nArI jAti ke mu~ha prAyaH nahIM hotA / aura vidhavAoM ke abhibhAvaka tabataka carcA nahIM karate jabataka usakI caritrahInatA khula nahIM jAtI / aura kisI vidhavA se isa viSaya meM bAtacIta karanA kucha kama jokhima kA kAma nahIM hai| para mere liye vivAha karane kI apekSA adhika jarUrI thA vivAha ke dvArA apanI sudhArakatA kI sacAI kA paricaya denA, isaliye mahIne para mahIne nikalane lage, maiMne bambaI bhI chor3I satyAzrama kA kArya bar3hAnA bhI zurU kara diyA para sambandha na milA / maiMne bhI nizcaya kara liyA ki sudhArakatA ko caritArtha karane vAle yogya sambandha ke liye dvAra bahuta varSo taka khulA rahegA

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nayA saMsAra [ 2:77.. para :asudhAraka aura ayogya sambandha na kruuNgaa| . isa lambe samaya meM kAphI anubhava hue / manuSya ke veSa meM kaise kaise zaitAna chipe rahate haiM isake bhI anubhava hue / eka bhAI jo vidvAna the eka strI ke sAtha merI zAdI karAnA cAhate the jisake sAtha unakA anucita sambandha thA para jise ve apanI bahina batAyA / karate the| / kucha samaya bAda to mere pAsa tAra AyA ki zAdI ke liye jaldI Aiye / tAra kucha aise bemauke se AyA thA ki use par3hate hI nizcaya ho gayA ki bAI garbhavatI hai aura tAra bhejanevAle 'bhAI ko maiMne liva diyA ki mujhe to usa bAI ke garbhavatI hone kA saMdeha hai isaliye maiM pUrA khulAsA hone taka nahIM A sakatA / . tAra bhejanevAle bhAI ne pahile bar3A kar3A ulahanA likhA : para do mAha bAda unane mAphI mAMgI, kyoMki usa bAI kA garbha bilakula pragaTa ho gayA thaa| phira to.ve mitra bhI merI tArIpha karane : lage jinane mere mu~ha se yaha bAta sunakara nArAjI pragaTa kI thI ki vaha bAI. garbhavatI hai| isase patA lagatA hai ki punarvivAha ke mArga meM kitanI kaThinAI hai| samAja kA antastala itanA: sar3a gayA hai aura rUr3hiyoM ke kAraNa usa sar3Ada meM hamArI nAka. aisI camaranAka ho gaI hai ki . hameM usa durgadha kA bhAna hI nahIM hotA hai| para jo svacchatA cAhatA hai usakI parezAnI hai| samAja zuddhi nahIM cAhatA azuddhi kI guptatA. yA adRzyatA cAhatA hai, para kyA plega ke kIr3e ina moTI A~khoM se na dikhane se plega calA jAyagA ? khaira /

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274 ] AtmakathA. mere liye eka, yogya sambandha kI carcA tabhI se cala rahI thii| jaba maiM bambaI meM thA: / / zrI veNuvAIjI (ava vINAdevI satyabhakta) eka bAra..eka mahilA : pariSat kI adhyakSA huI usameM unakA jo bhASaNa: huA usameM unhoMne samAja sudhAra kA aisA ugra samarthana kiyA ki vahAM pariSat meM Aye hue aneka vidvAna prophesara jaja Adi ko bhI Azcarya huA / unameM bahuta se mere mitra bhI the / una mitroM kI icchA huI ki.merA aura veNuvAI kA vivAha ho jAya to yaha sambandha saba se acchA rhegaa| unhIM kI mArphata yahaHsandeza saMketarUpa meM mere pAsa phuNcaa| . para.paM. veNavAI kA caritra aisA ujjvala rahA thA ki unake sAmane vivAha kA prastAva kauna rakkhe yahI samasyA ho gaI isIliye yaha sambandha TalatA rhaa| . . . . veNubAI se merA dasa varSa pahileM kA paricaya thaa| ve san 26-27 meM bambaI ke zrAvikAzrama meM par3hatI rahIM thIM, vahIM se unane nArmala pAsa kiyA thA, saMskRta parIkSAeM bhI pAsa kI thI, sarvArthasiddhi aura gommaTasAra to unane mujha se par3hakara pAsa kiyA thA merI patnI sva.zAntAdevI ke sAtha unakA acchAH sneha aura sakhyabhAva thA veNuvAI aura merI umrameM sirpha tIna-cAra varSa kA antara thA isaliye samavayaskatA bhI thI, lambe arse ke paricaya se maiM veNubAI ke zIla sadAcAra meM aTUTa vizvAsa rakhatA thA, yaha saba kucha thA phira bhI Der3ha varSa taka yaha sambandha TalatA gayA / pahile to kucha dinoM taka isI liye ki yaha bAta uThAye kauna ?. bAda meM kisI taraha jaba yaha prazna sAmane AyA to isaliye yaha bAta' DhIlI hogaI ki vaNubAI kA

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nayA saMsAra / 279 svAsthya ThIka nahIM rahatA thA / . . . . . para jaba maiM vardhA A gayA aura kaI bAra milane julane kA avasara AyA taba dhIre dhIre yaha prazna sulajhane lgaa| aura anta meM mArca 1937 meM hama donoM ne hI paraspara vivAhita honA taya kara liyA / yaha sambandha aneka dRSTiyoM se acchA thA aura anya dRSTiyoM se usakA acchApana kama jyAdA Adi. kaisA bhI ho para pArasparika prema aura zIla kI dRSTi se asAdhAraNa thA / zikSA saundarya Adi meM isase acche sambandha kI bhI sambhAvanA ho sakatI thI para prema aura zIla ke viSaya meM isase acche sambandha kI koI sambhAvanA nahIM thii| isa vivAha ke virodha meM mahAtmA gAMdhI ke pAsa kucha logoM ne carcA kI kyoMki maiMne veNubAI ko dasa gyAraha varSa pahile par3hAyA thA / ma. gAndhIjI ne mere aura ma. bhagavAnadInajI ke sAtha isa viSaya meM kAphI carcA kI aura anta meM. isa vivAha kI pavitratA aura ucitatA ke pakSa meM apanI rAya dii| .. . pahile to vivAhotsavAvardhA meM hI karane kA vicAra thI para veNuvAI ke bhAI: valavantarAvajI, pannAlAlajI Adi ne vivAha meM zAmila hone kI svIkRti dI isaliye nAgapura meM hI vivAhotsava karanA nizcita rahA / jaba dezabhaktaH zrI pUnamacandajI gaMkA ke sAmane yaha bAta AI tantra.unane isa * vivAha ko sArvajanika utsava kA rUpa diyA / 'darabArIlAla.. vINAdevI vivAha svAgata samiti kI sthApanA huI, jisameM darjanoM vakIla, dhArA sabhA ke membara, aneka netA tathA sarakArI,karmacArI Adi the / maH bhagavAnadInajI vivAha vidhi karAnevAle the| karIba pAMca hajAra : AdamI: upasthita the|

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280 ) Atma-kathA sahabhoja Adi kI bhI yojanA kI gaI thii| satyasamAja ke bahuta se sadasya dUra dUra se apane kharca se padhAre the, saba ne isa vivAha ko sArvajanika rUpa de diyA thA : / isase merI mahattA kitanI bar3I so to mAlUma nahIM, dUsare loga bhI bhUla gaye hoMge, para mere Upara jo samAja ko na bhUlane ke uttaradAyitva kA bojha DAlA gayA vaha abhI "bhI ladA huA hai / sanmAna dekara mitragaNa chuTTI pA gaye para mujhe jisa bandhana meM bAMdhagaye vaha isa jIvana meM zAyada hI chuutte|| ... gira jAti meM hI zAdI hotI yA kumArI vivAha hotA taya to maiM eka.cora.kI . taraha cupakese vivAhotsava karatA para isa - vivAha ko jo zAhI : ThATha se . karAyA usakA sirpha yahI matalaba thAH ki. aise sudhAraka vivAhoM kI mahattA loga samajheM - aura sahayoga vedAveM / kucha aise bhI sudhAraka the jinheM maiM apanA yaha dRSTi koNa.na. samajhA. sakA para ise maiMne apanA durbhAgya hI samajhA / nIti to merI abhI bhI yahI hai ki vivAhAdi utsavoM meM aise kharca na karanA cAhiye jinakA anukaraNa dUsaroM ko jarUrI ho baiThe aura unakI : garIbI..unako laz2Ane lage / sAdhAraNataH sAdagI hI apanAnA cAhiye : para:saMdhAra. ke kisI aise kArya ko, jisakA virodha hotA ho .:: para:samAjahita ke liye Avazyaka ho, adhika se adhika samAroha ke sAtha karanA cAhiye / hAM,. hara hAlata meM asahya Arthika hAni na . karanA cAhiye na RNa lekara utsava karanA cAhiye / / . ... ... ..mere vivAha ke samarthakoM meM bhI aise vyakti the jinheM sandeha ' thA ki vivAha ho jAne ke bAda kadAcita maiM naye saMsAra meM hI na rama jAU aura Azrama Adi kA kAryakrama kahIM samApta na ho jaay|

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satyabhakta dampati [ vivAha ke samaya ]

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nayA saMsAra [281 * Azrama ke pAsa jaMgama aura sthAvara koI jAyadAda nahIM thI isaliye bahuta sambhava thA ki Azrama bhAr3etU makAna meM par3A par3A anta meM zUnya meM vilIna ho jAtA / satyamaMdira Adi bhI kore svapna raha jAte / vivAha ke samaya ye saba cintAe~ mujhe ghere hue thIM, cAhatA yaha thA ki vivAha ke avasara para kucha aisA candA jamA ho jAya jisase satyAzrama ko kucha artha-zarIra mila jAya / para yaha kahUM kisase ? saMkoca isa bAta kA ho rahA thA ki koI kahegA ki apane vivAha ko aura bhI pragAvaka banAne ke liye yaha saba jAla racA hai| isaliye kisI se maiM isa viSaya meM kucha na kaha skaa| para isakI pUrti dUsare rUpa meM ho sakatI thI ki maiM hI eka acchI sI rakama satyAzrama ko dAna kara duuN| jIvikA aura. jIvana to diyA hI hai aura bacA huA artha Akhira eka dina samAja ke kAma meM jAyagA hI, taba abhI hI kyoM na dAnI kahalAne kA yaza lUTa laM / isa samaya kA paisA rupaye se jyAdA kImatI hai yaha bhI vicAra AyA / isa mAmalemeM vINAdevI se anumati lI to unane bhI saharSa anumati de dii| satyAzrama ke liye kucha dAna to maiM zAntidevI ke viyoga ke samaya ghopita kara cukA thA bAkI kucha aura milAkara pAMca hajAra rupaye kA dAna ghoSita kiyaa| isa rakama se itanA. huA ki dharmAlaya bana gayA, presa AgayA aura makAna ke liye bhI kucha rupayA baca gayA / eka taraha se satyAzrama ko zarIra mila gyaa| aura AtmA DAlanA to paramAtmA ke hAtha meM hai. so jaba ucita hogA taba vahI DAla degA, agara isa kAma meM maiM aujAra bana gayA to

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282 ] AtmakathA mere jIvana kA yaha bar3A se bar3A saubhAgya hogA / - nayA saMsAra vasAkara maiMne kyA pAyA ? acchA rahA yA burA, isa viSaya meM itanA hI kahanA hai ki mujhe isase bahuta suvidhAe~ hI milI haiN| merI kartRtvazakti yadyapi bahuta tuccha hai para vaha jitanI hai usameM kucha kamI nahIM huI hai| vivAhita jIvana se-dharma artha, kAma, mokSa ina cAroM jIvArthoM kA samanvaya kucha bar3ha gayA hai / - yoM to haraeka cIja ke do pahalU huA karate haiM / pahile hI kaha cukA hU~ ki kucha kucha hAni aura kucha kucha lAbha donoM pakSoM meM hai para eka bAta nizcita hai ki jagata ko Adarza sanyAsiyoM kI apekSA Adarza gRhasthoM kI jarUrata jyAdA hai| satayugI naI duniyA vaMha hogI jisameM sanyAsI raheM bhale hI, para samAja ko sanyAsiyoM kI jarUrata na raha jAyagI / nItimAna sanyAsI kI apekSA nItimAna gRhastha kA mUlya adhika hai| sanyAsa amuka paristhiti meM amuka vyakti ko Avazyaka honepara bhI samAja ke dhAraNa Adi ke liye gRhastha jIvana hI vizeSa upayogI hai| aura samAja ko dhAraNa karanevAlA hI to dharma hai / gahastha jIvana kI yaha maiM vakAlata sI kara rahA hU~, vaha isaliye nahIM ki maiM sAvita karUM ki maiMne jo mArga pakar3A hai vaha zreya hone se pakar3A hai mere viSaya meM to sApha bAta yaha hai ki maiMne yaha mArga preya hone se pakar3A hai| hAM, kucha kucha itanA vicAra avazya rakkhA hai ki zreya kI hAni yA viSeza hAni na hone pAye isaliye maiM bahuta se bahuta kSantavya kahA jA sakatA hU~, Adarza patha kA pathika nahIM / hAM, vizeSa antaHzuddhi honepara mere mArga para cala.

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nayA saMsAra / 283 kara bhI koI Adarzapatha kA pathika ho sakatA hai| gRhastha jIvana kI vakAlata kA yaha bhI artha na lagAnA cAhiye ki ma. mahAvIra, ma. buddha aura ma. IsA ne jo gRhatyAga kA mArga pakar3A thA usameM kaNabhara bhI anaucitya thA / unane usa samaya kI AvazyakatA ke anusAra vilakula ThIka mArga pakar3A thA, unakA anukaraNa karane vAle bahuta se vyakti bhI ThIka mArga meM the aura Aja bhI usa mArga kI upayogitA hai / jabataka jagata sAdhutA kI AtmA ko nahIM pahicAnatA tabataka sAdhutA ke bAhirI rUpoM kI jarUrata rahegI hii| Aja bhI vaha kama nahIM hai / kadAcita mujhe bhI kabhI isa mArga para kisI na kisI rUpa meM calanA par3e yA dUsaroM ko calAnA par3e yA calanevAloM ko DhU~DhanA pdd'e| mere saMsAra ko cAhe kamajorI samajhA jAya cAhe usameM Adarza ko mUrtimAna banAne kI bhAvanA ke bhI kucha kaNa mAna liye jA~ya para itanA avazya kaha sakatA hU~ ki usameM zreya para upekSA nahIM hai| para abhI gArhasthya ke viSaya meM merA jIvana adhUrA hai| yaha to maiM khuva anubhava kara cukA hU~ ki agara hama meM viveka ho, pramAda na ho, koI lakSya sAmane ho to hamArI pragati meM patnI vAdhA nahIM DAlatI, yogya patnI ko lekara to saMnyAsa bhI usI taraha nibhAyA jA sakatA hai, jisa prakAra do sAdhu milakara sanyAsa nibhAte haiM / isa meM bAdhA par3ane kI saMbhAvanA hai santAna se / so saubhAgya se maiM santAna ke bojha se mukta rahA hU~ - mukta hU~ / isaliye santAna vAle gAhasthya ke sAtha sAdhutA kA nirvAha kahAM taka kiyA jA sakatA

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284 ] AtmakathA hai-isa viSaya meM maiM dAve ke sAtha kucha nahIM kaha sakatA kyoMki isake pIche anubhava kA pIThavala nahIM hai| . phira bhI bhuktabhogI ke anubhava na sahI, kintu eka darzaka aura vicAraka ke anubhava se itanA kaha sakatA hU~ ki manuSya agara cAhe to santAna hone para bhI sAdhutA kA nirvAha kara sakatA hai| haz2arata muhammada sAhiba Adi isake Adarza maujUda haiM | aura samAja kA Adarza yuga to vahI hogA jisameM sasantAna gArhasthya-jIvana ke sAtha sAdhutA rhegii| upasaMhAra isa AtmakathA meM na to aisI koI ghaTanA A pAI hai jo logoM ko cakita kare, na aisI koI saphalatA dikhAI detI hai jo logoM ko prabhAvita kare, na jIvana itanI pavitratA ke zikhara para pahuMcA hai ki loga usakI vandanA kareM / isa AtmakathA kA nAyaka aisA vyakti nahIM hai jise mahAtmA, jJAnI, tyAgavIra, dAnavIra Adi kahA jA sake / saca chA jAya to yaha sAdhAraNa manuSya kI sAdhAraNa kahAnI hai aura isI meM isakI bar3I bhArI upayogitA hai / sAdhAraNa manuSya ke jIvana meM java asAdhAraNatA kI ora bar3hane kI icchA hotI hai---vaha pavitra aura janasevaka bananA cAhatA hai taba usake jIvana meM aisI kitanI kaThinAIyA~ AtI haiM jinheM duniyA dekha nahIM pAtI---isakA AbhAsa isa AtmakathA se milatA hai| . yaha eka sAdhAraNa vyakti kI DAyarI hai ise par3hakara sAdhAraNa vyaktiyoM ke mana meM bhI kucha bhAva jageMge aura isa AtmakathA se

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upasaMhAra [285 thor3e bahuta aMzoM meM yaha sIkhane kI koziza kareMge ki mAnava-jIvana meM kaisI kaisI murkhatAe~ bharI par3I haiN| abhI to maiM usa mArga ke dvAra para khar3A huA hU~ jo santoM ___ kA mArga kahA jAtA hai usa mArga meM calane kA bar3A bhArI kAma bAkI hai, para calane kA nizcaya avazya hai aura yaha bhI AzA aura vizvAsa hai ki usa mArga para kAphI Age bar3ha sakU~gA / duniyA ko kucha dene kI koziza karane kA dAvA to kiyA jA sakatA hai para kucha de sakane kA dAvA karanA mUrkhatA hai kyoMki hama jo kula dete haiM vaha duniyA letI hI hai-yaha nahIM kahA jA sakatA, aura use usakI jarUrata hI hai-isa viSaya meM hamArI prAmANikatA nirvivAda nahIM ho sakatI, para ina saba bAtoM ke bAda bhI yaha to nizcaya kiyA jA sakatA hai ki hama de sakeM yA nahIM, para pA sakate haiM / maiM jo kucha pAnA cAhatA hU~ vaha yaha hai de masta phakIrI vaha jisase zAhoM kI bhI parvAha na ho| meM bhI na kisI kA zAha banUM, merA bhI koI zAha na ho // 1 // duniyA daulata meM masta rahe, maiM masta rahUM tujhako pAkara / nirdhanatA kI jvAlAoM se tilabhara bhI dilameM dAha na ho // 2 // ghara ghara meM maiM pAUM pUjA yA ghara ghara meM apamAna mile / donoM meM hI musakAna rahe, mana ke bhI bhItara Aha na ho // 3 // parake dukhama roU jI bhara para apanA dukha na rulA paaye| parasukhako apanA sukha samajhaM sukhiyoMse manameM DAha na ho // 4 // saba raMga rahe isa jIvana meM para maila na mana meM A pAye / vicare mana jIvana ke banameM para palabhara bhI gumarAha na ho // 5||

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286 ] Atma-kathA auracAha nahIM rAjA bana jAU~ yA duniyA ke sira kA phala / cAha yahI hai saba meM milakara merA terA jAU~ bhala // sArI duniyA deza banAU~, vana vizvahita ke anukUla | jisa patha se mAnavatA Ave usa patha kI vana jAU~ dhUla || agara isa cAha kA thor3A bahuta aMza saphala ho gayA to eka sAdhAraNa mAnava jIvana kI asAdhAraNa saphalatA kahI jA sakatI hai | usa dina maiM apane jIvana ko saphala samajhaMgA jisa dina sirpha mu~ha se nahIM kintu mana se, paMDitAI ke balapara nahIM--anubhava ke valapara yaha gA skuuNgaa| .. maiMne prabhukA darzana paayaa| 'paramezvara allAha gaoNDa kA bhASA bheda bhulAyA / / maiMne prabhukA darzana pAyA // 1 // mandira masajida girajAghara meM dikhI usIkI chAyA / pUjApATha namAja prArthanA saba ko eka banAyA // maiMne prabhukA darzana pAyA // 2 // hindU musalamAna IsAI eka huI saba mAyA / bichur3e the sadiyoM se bhAI saba ko gale lagAyA // __maiMne prabhukA darzana pAyA // 3 // raMga rASTra pura prAnta jAti kA saba mada dUra httaayaa| mAnavatA chAI raga raga meM bhedabhAva visarAyA // maiMne prabhukA darzana pAyA // 4 // sukha-dukha zatru-mitra jo Aye maiM saba meM musakAyA /

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upasaMhAra [ 287 satya ahiMsA ke caraNoM ko cUma cUma huI naI duniyA aba merI merA satayuga catura khilAr3I bana kara khelA khulakara khela dikhAyA / maiMne prabhukA darzana pAyA // 5 // mastAyA / AyA // maiMne prabhukA darzana pAyA // 6 // isa gIta ko gAne kA Aja maiM kitanA adhikArI hU~ nahIM kaha sakatA, para mujhe vizvAsa hai ki eka dina gA sakU~gA /

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satyabhakta sAhityaH jIvana kI, samAja kI,dharma kI aura deza videza kI prAyaH sabhI samasyAoM ko sulajhAnevAle maulika vicAra / gadyapadya, nATaka, kayA, Adi aneka DhaMga se buddhi aura mana para asAdhAraNa prabhAva DAlanevAlA sAhitya | ekavAra avazya svAdhyAya kIjiye / - 1. satyAmRta-- mAnavadharmazAstra [dRSTikAMDa] mUlya....1) . apane aura jagata ke jIvanako sukhI banAne ke liye, satya pAne keliye jIvana ko kaisA banAnA cAhiye, jIvana kaise aura kitane tarahake hote haiM, dharma jAti Adi kA samabhAva kaise vyAvahArika bana sakatA hai Adi kA maulika vivecana vistAra se kiyA gayA hai| isa mahAzAstra kA svAdhyAya avazya kiijiye| 2. kRSNagItA--mUlya bAraha AnA / zrIkRSNa aura arjuna ke saMvAdarUpa honepara bhI caudaha adhyAya kI yaha gItA bhagavadgItA se vilakula svatantra hai / karmayoga ke sandeza ke sAtha isameM dharmasamabhAva jAtisamabhAva naranArIsamabhAva ahiMsAdivrata, puruSArtha, kartavyAkartavyanirNaya AdikA bar3A acchA vivecana kiyA gayA hai / vividha chandoM meM 958 padya haiM jinameM bahuta se manohara gIta bhI haiN| 3. nirativAda--mUlya chaH aanaa| sAmyavAda aura pUMjIvAda ke ativAdoM se bacAkara nikAlA gayA vIca kA mArga / sAtha hI vizvakI sAmAjika dhArmika rASTrIya samasyAoM ko hala karane kI vyAvahArika yojanA /

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( 289 ) 4. satya saMgIta- mUlya dasa AnA / bha. satya, bha. ahiMsA, rAma kRSNa mahAvIra buddha IsA muhammada Adi mahAtmAoM kI grArthanAe~ aneka bhAvanAgIta tathA bhAvapUrNa kavitAoM kA saMgraha | 5. jainadharmamImAMsA ( bhAga 1 ) - mUlya 1) tIna bar3e bar3e adhyAyoMmeM dharma kI vistRta aura maulika vyAkhyA. mahAvIra svAmI kA buddhisaMgata vistRta jIvana caritra, atizayoM Adi kA vAstavika marma, jainadharma aura usake sampradAya upasampradAyoM kA aura ninhoM kA itihAsa, samyakdarzana ke ATha aMga tathA anya cinhoM kA samabhAvI aura naye dRSTikoNa se vistRta varNana | 6. jainadharmamImAMsA ( bhAga 2 ) - mUlya 1 // ) isameM sarvajJatAkI vAstavika vyAkhyA, usakA itihAsa, pracalita mAnyatAoMkI AlocanA, mati Adi pAMcoM jJAnoMkA vizAla varNana, unakA marmadarzana, saMkSapameM jJAna ke viSayako lekara yukti aura zAstra ke AdhAra para kiyA gayA vizAla maulika aura vaijJAnika abhUtapUrva vivecana hai, kaThina se kaThina viSaya bar3I saralatA se samajhAyA gayA hai / 7. zIlavatI - mUlya eka AnA / vezyAoM ke jIvana meM bhI satItva lAnevAlI, unake jIvana ko UMce uThAnevAlI eka yojanA jo ki eka vezyAkumArI ke sAtha carcArUpa meM batAI gaI hai / 8. vivAha paddhati mUlya eka AnA / saptapadI, bhA~vara, maMgalASTaka maMgalAcaraNa Adi ke sundara pa sabako samajha meM AnevAlI eka nayI vivAha paddhati isa paddhati se

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(290) aneka vivAha hue haiM aura virodhI darzakoM ne bhI isakI sarAhanA kI hai| pUrI vidhi hindI meM hI hai| . . . 9. satyasamAja aura prArthanA-mUlya eka AnA / pratidina subaha zAma par3hane yogya prArthanAe~. satyasamAja ke viSaya meM zaMkA samAdhAna aura niyamAvalI / 10. nAgayajJa (nATaka)-mUlya ATha aanaa| __ bhArata ke Arya aura nAgoM kA paraspara dvaMda, usakA hala, aura anta meM donoM kA mela; eka aitihAsika kathAnaka ko lekara anekarasapUrNa citraNa ke dvArA batAyA gayA hai| . eka lambI prastAvanA meM hindU musalamAnoM ke jhagar3oM ke kAraNa aura unako dUra karane kA upAya bhI batAyA gayA hai / 11. hindamuslima-mela-mUlya Der3ha AnA / hindU. musalamAnoM meM jina jina bAtopara jhagar3A hai unakA marma kyA hai aura kisa taraha donoM kI bhalAI ho sakatI hai donoM kI dhArmika sAmAjika aura rAjanaitika samasyA kisa taraha sulajha sakatI hai isakA acchA vivecana hai / yaha pustaka ghara ghara pahu~canA cAhiye jisa se bhArata saMgaThita aura avicchedya bana ske| . .12 Atma kathA--mUlya savA rupayA / satyasamAja ke saMsthApaka svAmI satyabhakta jI kI vistRta AtmakathA jise par3hane se jIvana kI kitanI hI kaThinAiyA~ hala ho sakatI haiM aura jIvana nirmANa kI kuJjI mila sakatI hai| 13. nirmala-yoga-sandeza--mUlya do paisA / . . - paM. sUrajacanda jI DA~gI racita eka kIrtana saMgItaM /

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(291) nimnalikhita graMtha chapa rahe haiM:14. satyAmRta (AcAra-kAMDa)--mUlya karIva 16) ahiMsA satya Adi kA maulika aura vistArapUrNa vivecana, AcAra sambandhI prAyaH sabhI bAtoM kA vivecana karanevAlA eka maulika mahA zAstra / 15. jainadharmamImAMsA (bhAga 3)-mUlya karIba 1 // ) / isameM samyak cAritrakA, sAdhu saMsthA ke niyamoM kA, usake Adhunika rUpa kA guNasthAna Adi kA nayI dRSTise jaina zabdoM meM vivecana kiyA gayA hai| isake bAda svAmI satyabhaktajI kA vizAla kathA sAhitya tathA buddha-hRdaya Adi anya sAhitya chapegA / satyAzrama, vardhA [ sI. pI.] [ya pustakeM hiMdI-grantha-ratnAkara, hIrAbAga, giragAMva, bambaI se bhI mileNgii| ] :