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life without Conflict
life without Conflict
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have come to you as your creditors; they have come to collect on a debt from your past. What if you were to tell your customers, I do not like it without you; I miss you? What would they do? They would hit you. All these relationships are relative, and from these, evolve all the inner enemies of anger, pride, deceit and greed, attachment, and abhorrence. From the inner enemy of attachment arises the enemy of abhorrence. You should never become drawn into any kashaya that arises. If the milk is boiling over, you just have cut down the heat.
Correct Molding and Incorrect Molding
Questioner: In dealing with my children I do not understand what is proper and what is improper.
Dadashri: Whatever you do without being asked is being over-wise. However, you should carry out your duties towards your children; until they reach the age of five, you should do everything for them. Later, when they are older, if your son asks you for his school fees, you should tell him, "Son, when you need money you have to tell me a few days in advance. Money doesn't come easily. I have to make arrangements to borrow that money.' Then you should give him the money, the next day. You should make them aware of the fact that money does not come easily otherwise they will think money comes easy, as if it is flowing from a tap. You should interact with your children in a manner that helps maintain a stable relationship. At the same time they must not become spoilt and become your oppressors. Parents tend to show so much affection towards their children that they become spoilt. Should there be excessive affection? Do you have such affection for a goat? What is the difference between a goat and your child? They both have souls within them.
There should neither be excessive affection, nor disinterest in them. You can tell them that as long as you are alive, you will always be there for them whenever they run into any difficulties. Do not meddle in their affairs unless they are in some difficulty. Do not get excited if you see your child drop money from his pocket. He will know it when he realizes it himself. Why should you call out unnecessarily? Why should you create unnecessary havoc? Besides what would he do if you were not around? Everything is in the hands of vyavasthit but you meddle in everything unnecessarily. Even your bodily functions are in the hands of vyvasthit and whatever is yours, the Self, remains with you. The only effort (purushartha) you have to make is to remain in the Self, that is considered your real effort. This is where you have your own independent control. Absolutely no effort or control is required as far as this physical body is concerned. The physical body is completely dependent upon your prakruti (the inherent nature of your relative-self).
Once the ego awakens in the child, you cannot say anything to him. Why must you say anything? He will learn from his own mistakes. You are at liberty to tell him anything until he reaches the age of five. Between the ages of five and sixteen, you may even have to spank him a little, if the necessity arises. After the age of twenty you cannot say even a word to him. To say anything is a crime. He may even kill you one day.
Questioner: Has this puzzle arisen because parents have become uncertified fathers and mothers?
Dadashri: Yes, otherwise children would not be the way they are. They would be very obedient. It is the parents who have no substance. The soil is bad, the seeds are bad,
