Life without Conflict

Author(s): Dada Bhagwan
Publisher: Dada Bhagwan Foundation

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life without Conflict
life without Conflict
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Questioner: What is the woman's department? What should men not interfere in?
Dadashri: Cooking, running the household etc., are women's responsibilities. Why do men need to know where their wives buy the groceries? It is a different matter if she consults you for something but if not, what possible reason do you have to meddle? Also what's the need for you to tell her what to cook? When the time comes your dinner will be served. Her department is her own. If at times you crave certain food, you can tell her, "Can you make ladoos today? I am not asking you to remain silent all times but you men have a habit of needlessly commenting on the cooking; *There's too much salt in the vegetables,' or 'There's too little salt, there is no need for that.
Take this railroad for example: there are so many different functions going on, so many signals being fed from so many directions that it is a department all by itself and therefore mistakes are bound to occur. In the same way there may be mistakes in your wife's department. But if you start pointing out these mistakes, she will do the same to you. She will start to complain, 'You do not do this,' and 'You do not do that.' She will get even with you. If I were to start pointing out your mistakes, you would do the same to me. A wise man would never interfere in domestic matters; that is areal man! Some men are like women; they go into the kitchen and check all the spice containers. They'll say, 'We bought chili powder two months ago and it's already finished?' You fool! If you worry about the chili powder, when will it all end? Don't you think that she knows her responsibilities? Things get used up and you have to buy more, so why must you meddle in it when there is no need? The wife too will
come to know that her husband is not very bright, just as a horse comes to know its rider, the wife too will come to know all about her husband. It is better that you stick to your turf and she sticks to hers. We have a saying, "If the fatherin-law remains in his boundaries, then the daughter-in-law will show her respect." Your interactions will only be ideal if you have principles and limits. Do not cross the boundaries of your limitations, remain pure in these matters.
Questioner: In which matters should the wife not interfere with her husband's affairs?
Dadashri: She should not interfere in any of his affairs of business. She should not concern herself with how much business he conducts day in and day out. She should not question why he comes home late. Some women question, 'Why did you come home late today?' The husband will say he missed the nine o'clock train, so she will make a comment like, "How careless of you that you miss your train!' He will then get irritated and will think to himself, "Even if God were to say such things, I would beat him up!' But what can he do here? This is how husband and wife meddle without any reason. It's like putting sand in your tasty basmati rice and eating it. What possible enjoyment can you get eating that rice? Husbands and wives should help each other. A wife should speak with her husband in a manner that will not cause him to worry and the husband should do the same. He should understand how difficult and frustrating children can be when they do not behave. If things break in the home, he should not complain or get angry. Some men make a big fuss over broken crockery or china; they will blame the wife and keep reminding her. The wife in turn retaliates and they will fight over the most insignificant things.