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life without Conflict
life without Conflict
121
Dadashri: You can, but you have to use the right words with the right tone. Otherwise what is the point of barking like a dog? So whatever you say must be said properly.
Questioner: What do you mean properly?
Dadashri: If you say, 'Oh ho ho! Why did you drop the baby? What was the reason?' He will say, "Would I do it on purpose? He slipped out of my arms and that is why he fell.
Questioner: But he is telling a lie, is he not?
Dadashri: Whether he tells a lie or not is not your concern. Whether he tells the truth or tells lies, it is of his own freewill; he is not dependent upon you. He will do as he pleases. If he wants to tell a lie, or do away with you, that is in his control. If he were to poison your water at night, you will die for sure! So you need not concern yourself with what is not under your control. If you know how to speak properly, you should say, "Dear what did you gain by doing that?' and maybe then he will admit his mistake. You do not know how to speak properly: you just lash out and so he will retaliate with double the force.
Questioner: If I do not know how to speak to him properly what should I do? Should I remain silent?
Dadashri: Remain silent and observe: 'Let's see what happens next.' What do you do when you see little children being abused in a movie? Everyone has the right to say something, but only if it is not going to result in conflict. It is foolishness to speak in a manner which results in conflict.
Pratikraman For Words That Hurt Questioner: If someone is doing something wrong,
what should we do if it hurts him or her if we caution him or her? How do we resolve that situation?
Dadashri: You have to caution them from the worldly perspective, but because this happens through the ego, you have to do pratikraman.
Questioner: If I do not caution him, will he not end up dominating me?
Dadashri: You have to caution him but you must know how to speak. Because you do not know how to speak you end up doing it through your ego. It is it and you do not know how to interact, that you end up doing it through your ego. And that is why you must do pratikraman afterwards. When you try to caution or correct the other person, he or she is bound to feel hurt, but if you keep doing pratikraman for it, several months down the road, the speech that will emanate from you will be appealing to the other person. Currently you will need 'tested speech. You do not have the right to utter untested speech'. If you do pratikraman in this manner, then no matter what, everything will work out.
Not On Talking Terms Increases Conflict
Questioner: Is it possible to dissipate conflict by not speaking with the other person?
Dadashri: No it is not possible. You should speak with the other person if you encounter him or her. You should ask how he is doing. If the other person reacts with hostility, you should quietly try to resolve the situation with equanimity. You will have to resolve the situation, sooner or later. Just because you do not speak with the other person, does not mean that the problem has been resolved. It is
