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I courted monkhood out of indifference to wordly life. It will be shameful for me to give up discipline and return home. But at the same time, the fact remains that I cannot bear the heavy responsibility of monkhood on my weak shoulders. It is impossible for me to practise the great vows, and yet in giving them up and returning home, I shall be staining the family line. Thus I have a tiger on one side, and a river on the other. But just as in climbing a mountain, there is always a narrow foot-path, so by the side of this most difficult road (i.e., religion, there should be an easy way'.
Marici as a tridandi monk - Lost in the tangle of his own thoughts, Marici further pursued his contemplation:
The monks in the order & Bhagavan Rsabhadeva conquer mind, speech and body, and I have conquered all the three. So I shall be a tri-dandi (triple-wanded). The sramanas with their senses subdued tonsure their hairs and become bald. I shall also tonsure my hairs except a few at the crest. The nirgranthas desist from killing all forms of live, minute as well as big, but I shall desist from killing big lives. (But) I shall not give up possession (property), and I shall us e foot-wear. I shall apply sandal paste and others to perfume my body. I shall spread umbrella over my head. Being wholly free from passions, these monks put on white robes, but since I am not wholly free from passions (called/kasaya), I shall put on kasaya (saffroncoloured) garments. These monks do not drink fresh (unboiled) water, but I shall take bath with a limited quantity of fresh water and drink the same'.
He gave effect to his thought and changed his dress and way of life, but he did not give up the company of Bhagavan Rşabha. He always moved in the group of his monks. When people saw a peculiarly-dressed monk in the group of nirgrantha monks, they felt a curiosity about him and asked him about his religion. But to everyone he spoke about his original religion (i, e., sramana, religion, and nothing about his new religion).
