________________
Aptavani-6
41
Aptavani-6
makes you take a beating for it! And for that, 'we' have compassion for you that after taking the beating you will one day become wise. One day you will realize, 'Why are they, the k's, beating me? What do I, the Self, have to do with it? What does Dada have to do with it at all? Why did I ever befriend them that now I have to suffer?" You will come to this realization some day.
Questioner: Dada, I have already experienced it; the experience is not yet to come, it has already come! My experience was that I used to feel this old man is harassing me and that I am going to make this Pateliya' (derogatory for 'Patel, Dada's last name) a 'sacrificial coconut' (sacrificial lamb).' But this old man (Dadashri) made everything better! I told myself, 'I am free at last.' But, Dada, I cursed you so much that there was no more cursing left. But from within I continued to feel, 'This Dada is right.
Dadashri: 'We know all that even sitting at home. We also told you once that we do not have any objections, even if you say negative things about 'us.' You just keep coming here. One day, all that will be cleansed! 'We put no value to whatever negative things you say. All 'we' are focused on is to see what is beneficial for you and your spiritual progress. 'We' continue to look out for you, your family and everyone else's welfare and spiritual good. You speak according to your inherent nature, the non-Self (prakruti), but your vision is really not so. Even your tendencies are not so and neither are your thoughts. 'We' see and 'we' know all that.
Therefore, learn to recognize whether the 'baggage within is your friend or your enemy who gives you a beating. When such enemies come, say, 'Welcome, this is your home,' and then send them away.
Do you understand and realize that whatever it (the k) shows you within is wrong; it is one hundred percent wrong.
There is No Closure for Suspicion (Shanka)
Questioner: But, Dada, it is difficult to arrive at a closure (samadhan).
Dadashri: How can there be closure? There can never be closure for suspicion or doubt in the world. There can be closure for a true fact, but never for suspicion.
What is suspicion (shanka)? It is a tool to ruin the self. Suspicion is the worst thing in this world and it is one hundred percent wrong. And typically it exists where there is no need for) suspicion. Wherever one keeps faith, therein lies the need for) suspicion and where suspicion exists, there is nothing there. In this manner, you take a beating from all sides. 'We have seen through Gnan that you continue to get hurt in every way.
Questioner: I did not understand this point about suspicion of, 'Wherever we have faith, therein lies the need for) suspicion.'
Dadashri: It is like this: On what basis are you able to measure this vision? Are you able to trust what you see? Look here! Even when you see and witness something, it turns out to be wrong! You see through knowledge gained through your intellect (buddhi) and thoughts. That will give you such a beating that it will reduce you to nothing! That is why 'we' tell you to stay away from the intellect. It will not let you sit in peace even for a moment. In your case, everything is good. Your overt, expressed intent (bhavna) is good and that is why you got back on track.
Questioner: After that, I put a lot of emphasis on doing pratikraman (apology to the pure Soul of one you have 'hurt' coupled with the remorse of any wrongdoing). I used to get up at dawn and do pratikraman.
Dadashri: You learned about pratikraman here and that
