________________
166
Aptavani-6
[20]
The Flawless Vision Questioner: Whenever I am interacting and conducting myself in the worldly life, I have no understanding of whether 'I am Shuddhatma' or 'I am Chandulal."
Dadashri: It is necessary for you to understand this, you are 'Chandulal' and 'You' are also the pure Soul, Shuddhatma. By the relative viewpoint, you are 'Chandulal' and by the real viewpoint 'You' are 'Shuddhatma.' All that is relative is temporary (vinashi) and prone to destruction. In the temporary realm, you are Chandulal. All temporary interaction (vyavahar) is Chandulal's and the indestructible and eternal (avinashi) interaction is Yours - the Self's. Now, after attaining this Gnan, Your awareness (jagruti) lies in the eternal.
If there is a lack of understanding, then sometimes one can make mistakes like this; not everyone makes such mistakes.
You are not just Chandulal. When you are working for someone, you are an employee there. Therefore, you have to fulfill all your duties as an employee. No one is an employee forever.
Questioner: There are so many transgressions towards other living beings (atikraman) through thoughts, speech and acts going on that I barely finish one task and another one is ready and waiting. When trying to do pratikraman for one, the force of the other is so strong that I have to keep the pratikraman for the previous one pending.
Dadashri: They will unfold in huge numbers. When you
deal with those large numbers with equanimity, then gradually the force will weaken. This is all pudgal. Pudgal means that which was filled (puran) is now coming out (galan is the discharge, the effect). Settle this with equanimity, with a calm and composed mind, free of any hindrance or conflicts (do sambhave nikaal).
So by a certain expectation (apeksha) you are Chandulal, by another expectation you are a boss, by another you are her father-in-law. But would you not know by what apeksha you are a father-in-law? Would you not know your limitations? If someone insists that you are her father-in-law forever, then you will say, 'No sir, no one can be a father-in-law forever!
'You' are a Shuddhatma - the pure Soul, and 'Chandulal' is something that has possessed (vadgan) You. The reason you get pulled in only the direction of 'Chandulal' is because it has been the practice (adhyas) of countless past lives. If the doctor gives you instructions not to use your right hand, you will inadvertently end up using it. But this' awareness of the Self is such that you will know right away that a mistake has occurred. The Self verily is awareness (jagruti). The Self is the Gnan, but the unawareness (ajagruti) of the past old habit of 'I am Chandulali unfolds and therefore, you end up taking a little beating in it.
Questioner: Sometimes, 'This is my son,' 'This is my daughter,' happens and then, 'I am the pure Soul and all this is not mine, not mine,' also happens.
Dadashri: There is multiplication going on within of, "He is my son,' and so you have to divide it with, 'Not mine, not mine.' Within, there are all kinds of multipliers and dividers. There is not just one or two. This is all illusionary attachment (maya). Maya will show you all kinds of things. You will have to recognize and know all that. You will have to recognize the multiplier, 'This is my enemy,' and the divider, 'This is my wellwisher.
