Chitrabhanu Man with Vision

Author(s): Clare Rosenfield
Publisher: Jain Meditation International Centre New York

Page 33

Facing Fear
"You know about the spirits hovering in this house, don't you?" With the feeling of Magi's loss still fresh in his heart, Rup recalled a neighbor's carelessly spoken words with anxiety and foreboding the night his father was away on a business trip to Bangalore. When he went to bed, he felt uneasy and nervous about staying alone. At last he fell asleep, keeping a big stick beside his bed.
At one o'clock in the morning, Rup woke up with a jolt. Across from his bed, he saw two white figures moving. They seemed to be floating towards him closer and closer. Fear invaded him from head to toe. For a while he could not move. What shall I do? Oh, how I wish that somebody were here!
But then he remembered two things, the stick and his father's words.
Father told me "Face your fear and it will be gone." Well, here's my chance. At least I can put up a good fight! He collected his energy and slowly crawled out from under the covers, picked up the big stick lying on the floor, and took a deep breath. Then, summoning all his courage, he lunged forward, striking a blow at the flimsy floating whiteness before his eyes. Crash! The laundry line collapsed and the so-called spirits fell to the ground! Rup laughed aloud.
So that's what I was afraid of? Two long white cloths hanging up to dry! Now I can go back to bed!
But he did not go right to sleep. He began to admit to himself that he still harbored more fear in his heart. In the dialogue he held with himself, he saw quite lucidly how fear made him feel weak and helpless and that he did not want to feel like that any more.
Whenever I feel afraid, what happens to me? Something makes me tremble and shake. I can't bear it. Well, can I get rid of it or not? I have an idea. I'll make up a scary time for myself and see if I can get through it. When? Next week when it's the black moon. No one would dare be out then. Where? I know! The most fearful place — the cremation ground! That's where
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