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the depth of his inner feeling. It was never his way to suppress his humanness. Nor would he allow himself to become defeated by it. He continued to meditate on this event which opened more than anything else the whole mystery of life to him. By staying closely in touch with himself, he was able to turn the experience into a profound realization.
The source of my tears is really a desire to cling to my father. But his mission is over. He has gone for another work, and the relation I had with him will remain. He has gone from my eye's vision but not from the universe. Always I will cherish his beautiful life and go on sending him my loving vibrations. My vibrations will succeed in reaching him, but not my tears.
All of a sudden the words spoken by his father in the morning talk about Gauttam came to life for him. This understanding began to fill his consciousness and the mantle of despair was lifted. He came back to himself.
Then he remembered vividly something his father used to tell him when he was younger, “If I die in restlessness or a lot of pain, then you will know that my spiritual practice has meant nothing." In his youth, as Rup-Rajendra, he used to think that these words grew out of pride and vanity. But now he thought differently
The way he left his body, so peacefully, now I know what he was trying to tell me. Seeing the calm exit he took from this world, I wonder, is this death? Is this that terrifying event which people dread and fear all their lives? Why do people wear black and walk about with downcast eyes? Surely if one learns how to live, it becomes a calm and peaceful departure into the infinite universe of life, a gentle setting sail onto an eternal sea.
After the initial blow and the intense emotion which overcame him in the next few days, Gurudev was able to return to his steady ground of truth. He had made a daily investment in his precious consciousness; now the depth of his treasure, his understanding rooted in the experience of life and the ancient wisdom came forth to uplift him and give him balance. The experience carved an even deeper space within him out of which was born an even greater feeling for mankind's pain and a tremendous faith in the potentiality of life.
Within a short time, the members of the Jain community
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