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A LOVER OF LIGHT AMONG LUMINARIES : Dilip Kumar Roy greatness of each is strikingly different from the greatness of the other. Dilip Roy who wanted to see super-human aggregate of all possible excellences in his guru would not agree that he could be less satisfactory at any point than Tagore. Hence, he fails to note the difference.
Dilip Roy's record of Sri Aurobindo is thoroughly personal and truthful. That is why it is also autobiographically enlightening. It reveals certain characteristics of Dilip Roy's personality like his frankness, rational and sceptic intelligence, impatient, impulsive, wavering and hypersensitive nature, his habit of paying overmuch attention to opinions others held about him, too. It appears that he struggled so much with his own weaknesses that he found it difficult to have any remarkable Yogic experience when he was at Sri Aurobindo Ashram. All through his stay at Sri Aurobindo Ashram, he passed his time in fighting mental battles with his own self, with other disciples and also with the Mother of the Ashram. Moreover, his love of Krishna proved so strong that he failed to grasp properly the importance of Sri Aurobindo's experiment of bringing down the new Supramental consciousness on the earth. Yet, at the same time, his single-minded devotion for Krishna and his loyalty and reverence towards his guru can be observed everywhere. He, in fact, tried his utmost to establish his guru's greatness. For this purpose, he sent Sri Aurobindo's writings to many Western people. He requested Francis Younghusband, a Fellow of the Royal Society of Literature, London, to recommend Sri Aurobindo's name for the Nobel Prize. 36
It should now be clear from the foregoing discussions that Dilip Roy is appreciative and not sufficiently critical . All the time, he tends to find out the greatness of his guru. Yet, certain ambivalence is obvious in his attitude. He loves his guru, yet, is not satisfied with his work or his approach to the disciples like himself. The ambivalence finds expression in his paradoxical behaviour. One might wonder that if he really found in his guru the incarnation of God, why did he yearn to leave the Ashram and live elsewhere as a free bird ? Often it appears that his sincerity is at war with his love of his guru. His dissatisfaction is truth. But his love is also another truth. And instead of being reconciled to cachother, they clash and conflict and make Dilip Roy miserable. He always felt that he must speak out what he actually felt and thought. Even to satisfy his great guru or brother-disciples he could not tell a lie. He could not equate Sri Aurobindo with Krishna while they regarded him as the embodiment of even higher consciousness. Dilip Roy openly told both him and them accordingly. While Sri Aurobindo could sympathise with Dilip Roy, they could not, and consequently he suffered in the Ashram from a kind of excommunication, yet, he held his ground.
Moreover, it is equally true that Dilip Roy's soul is torn by the rival pulls of the world and God. Instead of resolving the inner conflict or waiting for the resolution to materialise by God's and guru's grace. he feels like blaming as
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