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43
FULLER PORTRAITS
“Yes, Baba... I... did see Him, with open eyes ... as I often do ... You didn't see?”
"No, Ma, But I did feel”
But she went on as though she had not heard: ... And He was standing ... beside you ... in person ... looking so ... So tenderly ... at you ! ... And ... I ... I appealed to Him:"0 Thakur, give him the ... the blessed boon of vision ... SO ... SO he may see that you ... ... you yourself have come down to hear
his song ... blessed, blessed boy !"63
So, if mystical vision of Yashoda Ma is to be believed, Dilip Roy's music could invoke Krishna, too. 64
Dilip Roy always liked to be among many people, perhaps, because he was an artist. Krishnaprem, once, described him as 'a social lion'. He also delighted in sharing fruitful experiences of great men with many people of the world. So, without paying any heed to Krishnaprem's requests of not publishing his letters, Dilip Roy did so.
When one compares Krishnaprem with Dilip Roy, one can find that both of them look like the birds of the same feather, and to some extent, they are one. Both of them have imbibed the intellectual culture of the West. Both have natural interest in arts. Both appear to be equally the lovers of words and write beautiful and fully expressive English. Both alike look for spirituality, and particularly, the Vaishnav spirituality of the personal divinity of Krishna.
But the points of difference cannot be overlooked. Krishnaprem is what Dilip Roy wants to be, but is not. Krishnaprem really wants God. His devotion to Krishna is whole-hearted. He has turned his back totally to the world with the wholeness of heart and with the singleness of mind. He loves Krishna. He wants to be immersed in Krishna with the complete effacement of the self, forgetting all time and the whole world. That perhaps is the reason why he is actively guided and accompanied almost visibly by Radharani and Krishna.
Compared to Krishnaprem, Dilip Roy looks like a laodicean. His heart is divided between God and the world. He lacks Krishnaprem's wholeness of devotion. He wants to be famous and admired by all mankind as an artist. But at the same time, there is another Dilip Roy within him who wants to renounce everything as vanity of vanities and become a totally committed pilgrim of eternity. This conflict between rival pulls keeps him in a kind of chaos throughout his works. He constantly complains to Sri Aurobindo and Krishnaprem about the pain of the conflict. It is still not the pain of separation from God that a devotee might feel in the Vaishnav school of mysticism called virahavastha. It is the pain
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