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PILGRIMS OF THE STARS
As it can be seen from the above quoted lines, Roy has exposed the weaknesses of his own character very firmly. One can notice, in fact, from the study of all of his books that he always discovered good qualities of others and found out faults and drawbacks from his own personality. He becomes confessional here. He was, as he himself has observed, indecisive, vacillating and sceptical by temperament. He frequently needed advice or confirmation from others while. taking decisions in his own life. He always had doubts regarding the authenticity of the spiritual experiences of himself as well as of others. Being a spiritual aspirant, he was humble. but his humility, it appears, often led him to feel diffident about his own capacities.
Dilip Roy has indicated his difference of opinion with the Mother of Sri Aurobindo Ashram in his book, Sri Aurobindo Came to Me. But he is quiet silent about it in his autobiography. Appendix-A' attached at the end of this. book contains a few interviews with those inmates of Sri Aurobindo Ashram like Nirodbaran and K. D. Sethna who were Dilip Roy's gurubhais'. They throw some light on Dilip Roy's crises of that time about which he himself has preferred to be silent in his autobiography. 10 This leads us to believe that Dilip Roy might have concealed many other things also in his autobiographical account. He does not look frank enough to confess everything.
Again and again, Roy is expressing his high estimate of his guru and his own indebtedness to him. But the question is, what precepts of Sri Aurobindo does he follow ? In all of his books Dilip Roy does not appear to be talking of the philosophy of 'Integral Yoga'. In fact, there is hardly any philosophy here. What we find pervasive in his work, is simply, his love of Krishna. Has he learnt. anything at all from his guru ? What? If nothing, why does he go on praising Sri Aurobindo, and calling him his guru? Obviously, there is reluctance to admit on his part that Sri Aurobindo was not the right person to give him the vision of Krishna in the way he sought it. He does not have courage plainly to confess as much. He never mustered up courage earlier, respectfully, to leave Sri Aurobindo in search of a person who could satisfy his longing for Krishna. One may often feel that his love for Sri Aurobindo appears to be neither genuine nor rational. An element of affectation, a play of mere lip service in his reverence for his guru is discernible.
Dilip Roy's style, as it is also noted earlier, is repetitive to a fault. He has repeated all the material given in his earlier books in his autobiography. Very few new details become available to the reader who has gone through his earlier books.
His language is refined and lucid. Spiegelberg notes: "...Dilip does not write his autobiography, he sings it." His use of words remain musical and melodious. This is the first book by Dilip Roy in which he has consciously tried
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