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________________ candanA nIraja jaina
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________________ candanA (upanyAsikA)
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________________ candanA bhagavAna mahAvIra ke udAra zAsana meM nArI kI garimA aura sarvocca sammAna ke adhikAra ko rekhAMkita karatI eka prasiddha paurANika nArI-pAtra kI preraka AtmakathA nIraja jaina bhAratIya jJAnapITha
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________________ ISBN 81 - 263 - 0780-3 mUrtidevI granthamAlA : hindI granthAMka 27 prakAzaka : bhAratIya jJAnapITha 18, insTITyUzanala eriyA, lodI roDa nayI dillI- 110 003 mudraka : nAgarI priMTarsa, dillI-110032 AvaraNa sandIpa rAzinakara dUsarA saMskaraNa : 2002 mUlya : 25 ru. (c) zrI nIraja jaina CHANDANA (Novelette) by Neeraj Jain Published by Bharatiya Jnanpith 18, Institutional Area, Lodi Road New Delhi-110 003 Second Edition: 2002 Price: Rs. 25 pahalA saMskaraNa : 2001 dUsarA saMskaraNa : 2002
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________________ saMstuti viparIta paristhitiyoM meM bhI dhairya aura sAhasa kA sAtha na chor3anevAlI mahAna AtmAoM kI yazogAthAoM se bhAratIya vAGmaya samRddha hai| aise mahAna caritroM ke bIca magadha kI rAjakumArI 'candanA' kA jIvana anupama Adarza hai| jaina sAhitya aura purANoM kI vaha eka sammAnita pAtra hai| use eka Adarza zrAvikA aura Adarza sAdhvI ke rUpa meM sarvatra smaraNa kiyA gayA hai| apanI sAdhanA aura cAritra ke prabhAva se candanA ko bhagavAna mahAvIra ke caturvidha saMgha meM AryikA dIkSA prApta huI aura apane tapa ke prabhAva se usane AryikA varga kI sarvocca upAdhi 'gaNinI' pada ko bhI prApta kiyaa| ___ candanA kA jIvana hameM viSamatama sthiti meM bhI sAttvika saMskAroM ke prati dRr3ha bane rahane kI mAMgalika preraNA detA hai, tathA saMketa karatA hai ki prAyaH dukhoM kI kAlarAtri ke bAda hI mAMgalika abhyudaya kA sUrya jIvana ko Alokita karatA hai| paurANika kathA ke anusAra, candanA vaizAlI gaNatantra ke adhyakSa samrATa ceTaka ke yazasvI kula meM sabase choTI rAjakumArI ke rUpa meM janamI thii| zikSA ke sAtha-sAtha sadAcAra ke Adarza saMskAra usake jIvana ke sarvottama alaMkaraNa the| apane mA~-bApa ke lAr3a-pyAra aura sukha-sAdhanoM meM palI-bar3hI candanA sabhI ora se nizcinta rahI aura yaha nahIM jAna pAyI ki krUra bhAgya usakI jIvanarUpI naukA ko durbhAgya kI bhayaMkara bha~varoM meM DAvA~Dola karanevAlA hai| eka dina vaha vanakrIr3A ke nimitta udyAna meM sakhiyoM ke sAtha krIr3Arata thI ki tabhI AkAzamArga se jAtA huA eka vidyAdhara usa bholI-bhAlI ke mohaka saundarya ke prati pA~ca
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________________ kAmAsakta ho gayA, tathA apanI vidyA ke bala para usakA apaharaNa kara use 'vaitADhyagiri' le gyaa| lekina apanI patnI 'manovegA' kI upasthiti se Darakara vaha candanA ko bhayaMkara aTavI meM akelA chor3akara calA gayA / isake bAda kA candanA kA jIvana taba taka bhayaMkara vyathA kA itihAsa banakara rahatA hai, jaba taka paramakRpAlu bhagavAna mahAvIra muni-avasthA meM usake samakSa AhAra lene prastuta nahIM hote haiM / jaina purANa - kathAoM meM mahAsatI candanA ke sandarbha upalabdha haiM lekina vahA~ candanA ke mAnasika antardvandvoM kA aMkana utanA sazakta aura prabhAvazAlI nahIM bana sakA hai| prastuta upanyAsikA meM lekhaka kI kalama kA sparza pAkara yaha paurANika kathA jIvanta ho uThI hai / kathAkAra ne candanA kI isa vyathA-kathA ko paurANikatA se haTakara Adhunika bhASA aura 'Atmakathya' kI zailI meM rekhAMkita karane kA stutya prayAsa kiyA hai| prastuta upanyAsikA ke lekhaka zrI nIraja jaina lagabhaga paccIsa varSoM se jaina vidyA para likhate-bolate A rahe haiM / 'gomaTeza - gAthA' ke lekhana se unheM jo lokapriyatA prApta huI vaha sarvavidita hai / isake atirikta unakI anya kRtiyoM - 'rakSAbandhana', 'parama digambara gomaTezvara', 'ahiMsA aura aparigraha', 'karmana kI gati nyArI' tathA 'mAnavatA kI dhurI' ne pAThakoM kI bharapUra prazaMsA pAyI hai / vIravANI ke pravaktA ke rUpa meM bhI nIraja jaina kA sammAnapUrNa sthAna hai / dhArmika pravacanoM ke lie pA~ca bAra amerikA kA AmantraNa pAne ke sAtha unheM dakSiNa aphrIkA meM Ayojita vizva-dharma-saMsada meM bhI bolane ke lie Amantrita kiyA gayA thA / tIrthaMkara bhagavAna mahAvIra ke 2600veM janma-kalyANaka varSa ke avasara para, AcAryazrI vidyAnanda jI mahArAja kI preraNA se zrI nIraja jaina dvArA racita isa kRti ke prastutIkaraNa para hameM bahuta harSa hai| nIraja jI ko isa zreSTha lekhana-kArya ke lie bahuta-bahuta badhAI / ramezacandra prabandha nyAsI, bhAratIya jJAnapITha chaha
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________________ prastAvanA / mahAsatI candanA jaina sAhitya aura purANoM kI eka sammAnita pAtra hai| prAyaH sabhI purANakAroM ne candanA ke sAhasa, sAdhanA aura zIla kI mahimA gAyI hai| eka Adarza zrAvikA aura Adarza sAdhvI ke rUpa meM unheM smaraNa kiyA gayA hai| paurANika AkhyAnoM aura aitihAsika sandarbho ke anusAra mahAsatI candanA vajjisaMgha kI rAjadhAnI vaizAlI ke licchavi rAjA ceTaka aura mahArAnI subhadrA kI sabase choTI putrI thii| mahArAjA ceTaka kA parivAra dharmaniSTha parivAra thaa| rAjA kI eka bahana yazasvatI ke dIkSita hokara AryikA banane kA bhI ullekha milatA hai| rAjA ceTaka ke dasa putra aura sAta putriyA~, aisI satraha santAnoM kA sandarbha purANoM meM hai| unake putroM ke nAma the-dhanadatta, dhanabhadra, upendra, sudatta, siMhabhadra, sukumbhoja, akampana, pataMgaka, prabhaMjana aura prbhaas| inameM siMhabhadra vajjigaNa ke pradhAna senApati ke pada ko bhI suzobhita karatA rhaa| mahArAjA ceTaka aura mahArAnI subhadrA kI sAta putriyA~ thIM-priyakAriNI trizalA, mRgAvatI, suprabhA, prabhAvatI, celanA, jyeSThA aura cndnaa| jyeSTha putrI trizalA priyakAriNI vajjisaMgha. gaNatantra ke antargata, kuNDagrAma (kSatriyakuNDa) ke jJAtRka vaMza meM, kAzyapa gotrIya kSatriya mahArAjA siddhArtha kI rAnI thiiN| inheM bhagavAna mahAvIra kI jananI hone kA gaurava prApta thaa| itihAsa paNDitoM ne svIkAra kiyA hai ki mAtA trizalA mahAdevI kI sahodarAoM ke kAraNa AryAvarta ke aneka narezoM ke sAtha vajjisaMgha gaNatantra ke maitrIpUrNa rAjanaitika sambandha rahe haiN| magadhanareza bimbisAra, campAnareza dadhivAhana, kauzAmbI-nareza zatAnIka, avantI ke rAja-parivAra aura sindhu-sauvIra ke adhipati sAta
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________________ udayana, inameM pramukha the| ye sambandha kevala rAjanaitika nahIM the, varan ina rAjAoMmahArAjAoM para mahAvIra kI dArzanika cetanA aura dharmopadezoM kA bhI paryApta prabhAva thaa| sarvatra hiMsA kA nivAraNa aura jIva dayA kA AcaraNa dRSTigocara ho rahA thaa| licchaviyoM aura malloM ne to ahiMsAmaya jaina dharma ko 'rAjadharma' ke rUpa meM hI aMgIkAra kara liyA thaa| mahAmeghavAhana aila samrATa rAjA khAravela ke hAthIgumphA abhilekha ke anusAra nanda rAje bhI jaina dharma ke pakSadhara ho gaye the| magAvatI vatsa deza kI rAjadhAnI kauzAmbI meM rAjA zatAnIka kI paTarAnI thiiN| kauzAmbI 'gandharva nagarI' aura 'vilAsa nagarI' ke nAma se bhI prasiddha thii| ujjaina kI rAjakumArI vAsavadattA ko jItakara lAnevAlA aura 'mAtaMga-vimohinI' vINA ke svaroM para pAgala hAthiyoM ko vaza meM kara lenevAlA prasiddha vINA-vAdaka rAjakumAra udayana inhIM mRgAvatI kA putra thaa| candanA ke jIvana kI mahattvapUrNa ghaTanAe~ isI kauzAmbI meM ghaTita huI thiiN| suprabhA dazArNa deza ke tathA prabhAvatI sindhu-sauvIra deza ke rAja-parivAroM meM byAhI gayI thiiN| celanA itihAsa prasiddha magadhasamrATa zreNika bimbisAra kI paTarAnI bnii| chaThI putrI jyeSThA ne vivAha pUrva AryikA dIkSA grahaNa kara lI thii| mahAsatI candanA rAjA ceTaka kI sAtavIM aura sabase choTI putrI thiiN| paurANika kathA ke anusAra candanA tIsare pUrva bhava meM somilA nAma kI brAhmaNI thii| dUsare pUrvabhava meM kanakalatA aura anantara pUrva paryAya meM padmalatA nAma kI rAjaputrI thii| isa janma meM ve bhagavAna mahAvIra kI mausI thiiN| unheM tIrthaMkara mahAvIra ke caturvidha saMgha meM AryikA dIkSA prApta huii| tapa ke prabhAva se candanA ko AryikA varga kI sarvocca upAdhi 'gaNinI' pada bhI pradAna kiyA gayA thaa| eka dina vaizAlI ke samIpa udyAna-vihAra ke samaya candanA ke rUpa para Asakta hokara vaitADyagiri kA vidyAdhara vasantamitra candanA kA apaharaNa karake apane vimAna meM uThA le gayA, parantu usa abalA ke sAtha kisI prakAra kA bala prayoga karane ke pUrva acAnaka patnI manovegA ke vahA~ A pahu~cane se vaha candanA ko aTavI meM chor3a kara bhAga gyaa| vanAMcala meM kAlaka bhIla ne candanA ko dekhA aura apane anukUla banAne kA prayatna kiyaa| jaba isameM saphalatA na milI taba usane yaha anupama ramaNI-ratna apane nAyaka siMhabhIla ke sAmane upahAra svarUpa prastuta kiyaa| kAmAsakta siMhabhIla bhI mahAsatI ko DigA na sakA taba usane candanA ko kauzAmbI ke ATha
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________________ dAsI-paNya meM le jAkara seTha vRSabhasena ke hAthoM beca diyaa| vRSabhasena ke yahA~ seThAnI bhadrA ne, apane pati ko rijhAne kI doSa-kalpanA karake, nirdoSa candanA ko bahuta pratAr3anA dii| keza muMDAkara, ber3iyA~ DAlakara unheM eka a~dhere kamare meM bandI banA diyaa| vahA~ kAMjI aura kodoM kA bhAta hI unheM khAne ko detI thii| itanI yAtanAoM ke bIca bhI candanA ne dharma kI AsthA ko Digane nahIM diyaa| ve karmodaya ko aTala mAnakara saba kucha samatA se sahatI rhiiN| AhAra kI saMkalpita vidhi kA yoga nahIM milane ke kAraNa aneka dinoM taka nirAhAra lauTane ke bAda eka dina mahAmuni mahAvIra jaba kauzAmbI meM caryA ke lie nikale the taba bandinI candanA ne, usa dayanIya dazA meM bhI, bhagavAna ko AhAra dene kA saMkalpa kiyaa| bhakti ke prabhAva se usake bandhana khula gye| zarIra kI kAnti lauTa aayii| usake muNDita zIza para kezarAzi laharAne lgii| vaha vastrAbhUSaNoM se alaMkRta, sarvAMga sundara kanyA ke rUpa meM bhagavAna kA par3agAhana karane khar3I thii| ___ mahAvIra pdhaare| AhAra vidhi ke sambandha kA unakA abhigraha pUrA ho gyaa| phira apanI bhakti ke prabhAva se candanA ke hAtha kA mATI kA sakorA svarNa-thAla ho gayA aura usameM rakhA nIrasa bhojana sarasa aura susvAdu ho gyaa| gagana se puSpa varSA hone lgii| sabane candanA kI bhakti ko sraahaa| saMsAra se virakta candanA ne svayaM ko saMgha meM samarpita karane kI bhAvanA bhagavAna ke sAmane nivedita kara dii| bhagavAna mahAvIra ne AryikA dIkSA dekara candanA ko Atma-kalyANa ke mArga para lgaayaa| yaha bhagavAna ke 'santApahArI-dalitoddhAraka' rUpa kA eka ujjvala udAharaNa thaa| kAlAntara meM sAdhanA ke bala para samavasaraNa meM candanA ko AryikA vRnda kI pradhAna svIkAra kiyA gyaa| 'gaNinI AryikA mahAsatI candanA' nAma se loka meM unheM prasiddhi prApta huii| Ayu ke anta meM sallekhanApUrvaka deha tyAgakara candanA kA jIva, acyuta svarga ke devoM meM utpanna huaa| purANa-kathAoM ko Adhunika paddhati se sAhityika AkhyAyikAoM ke rUpa meM prastuta karane kI AvazyakatA mujhe bAra-bAra anubhava hotI rahI hai| 'gomaTezagAthA' aura 'rakSAbandhana kathA' ke mere prayAsoM ko pAThakoM kI sarAhanA bhI milI hai| isase protsAhita hokara kucha anya kathAoM kI prastuti kA vicAra mere mana meM thA, parantu jIvana kI avAMchita ApAdhApI meM ve saMkalpa dabate rhe| gatavarSa bhagavAna mahAvIra ke 2600veM janma-kalyANaka varSa ke AyojanoM meM nArI kI bhUmikA para carcA karate
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________________ hue pUjya AcAryazrI vidyAnandajI mahArAja ne mahAsatI candanA para kucha likhane kA mujhe Adeza diyaa| usI samaya maiMne usI 'Atma - kathya' zailI meM candanA ke manomanthana ko rekhAMkita karake, usa sukumAra rAjaputrI kI komala anubhUtiyoM aura usa mahAsatI kI sudRr3ha saMkalpa-zakti ko zabdoM meM bA~dhakara prastuta karane kA saMkalpa kara liyaa| saMyoga se vaha 31 akTUbara 2000 mere jIvana ke 75veM varSa meM praveza kA dina thA / maiMne guru AjJA kA sammAna karate hue 'candanA' kA lekhana prArambha to kara diyA, para jitanA AsAna maiMne samajhA thA, vaha kAma utanA AsAna nahIM thA / candanA ke sandarbha to prAyaH purANoM aura kathAoM meM upalabdha the, parantu kathAvastu ke nAma para hara kahIM mujhe nirAzA hI hAtha lgii| purANoM meM adhikAMzataH cAkSuSa varNana hI par3hane ko milate haiM / pAtroM ke mAnasika dvandva vahA~ aMkita nahIM ho pAte / paurANika prasaMgoM para lekhanI calAte samaya yaha kamI mujhe akharatI rahI hai| I candanA ke kathAnaka ko lekara yahI kaThinAI mere sAmane rahI / candanA ke sAtha ghaTI ghaTanAoM kI sUcanA to purANoM meM hai, parantu unakI manodazA kA citraNa kahIM nahIM milA / vicitra ghaTanAoM ke bha~vara meM DUbatI-utarAtI candanA ke mAnasika dvandva kahIM aMkita nahIM mile| zvetAmbara sAhitya meM mahAvIra ke AhAra vAlI ghaTanA ko avazya kucha vistAra se aMkita kiyA gayA, parantu Antarika saMvedanAoM kA citraNa vahA~ bhI anupasthita hai| nava - sAhitya meM avazya isa dizA meM kucha prayAsa hue haiM parantu kucha kAraNoM se unakA anukaraNa mujhe iSTa nahIM huA / aisI sthiti meM candanA kI anubhUtiyoM aura vedanAoM ko liye hue apanI kalpanAoM kI ur3Ana ke lie koI nayA AkAza talAzanA merI prAthamikatA bana gyii| usake binA lekhanI calAnA asambhava sA pratIta huaa| kaI dinoM taka yaha talAza jArI rahI taba antataH kauzAmbI ke rAjamahala meM maiMne usa AkAza ko DhU~r3ha nikAlA jahA~ merI kalpanA ur3Ana kA abhyAsa kara sakatI thI / kArA se mukta hokara, mahAvIra ko AhAra dene ke pazcAt, candanA ne apanI sahodarA, kauzAmbI kI mahArAnI mRgAvatI ke sAtha kucha kSaNa bitAye the| maiMne vahA~ mahAsatI candanA kI sUkSmatama anubhUtiyoM ko unhIM ke mukha se kahalavAyA hai| apane prayatna meM mujhe kitanI saphalatA milI hai yaha to Apa hI batA sakeMge / pUjya AcAryazrI vidyAnandajI mahArAja ne, tathA samAdhi - sAdhanA meM saMlagna pUjya vizuddhamatI mAtAjI ne, mudraNapUrva isa Alekha kA avalokana karake apanA dasa
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________________ zubhAzIrvAda pradAna kiyA, isake lie maiM ina donoM pUjya caraNoM meM kRtajJatA vyakta karate hue unheM savinaya praNAma karatA huuN| ina santoM ke AzIrvAda se hI yaha Alekha prastuta ho sakA hai| mere anuja nirmala jaina se mujhe aneka upayogI sujhAva mile haiN| prakAzana ke lie bhAratIya jJAnapITha ke prabandha-nyAsI zrIyuta bhAI sAhu ramezacandrajI ke prati maiM hRdaya se AbhAra vyakta karatA huuN| mana kahatA hai yaha bhI likha dU~ ki pAThakoM kI pratikriyA merA mArga-darzana karatI hai| zanti sadana, satanA varNI-jayantI, 4-9-2001 na gyAraha
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________________ candanA Aja kauzAmbI kA rAjamahala dulahana kI taraha sajA thaa| dvAroM para sundara phUla-pattiyoM ke bandanavAra jhUla rahe the| ka~gUroM para sajAe gae dIpoM se pUrA mahala nakSatroM kI taraha jagamagA rahA thaa| vAdya saMgIta kI madhura lahariyA~ bikhara rahI thiiN| dAnazAlA meM yatheccha dAna kA anavarata vitaraNa cala rahA thaa| sundara vastrAlaMkAroM meM susajjita, prasannavadanA mahArAnI mRgAvatI paryaMka para baiThIM avazya thIM para unake mana kA AhlAda jaise pUre kakSa meM nAca rahA thaa| sakhI saheliyoM aura paricArikAoM ke usa pramudita samudAya meM kisa kSaNa rAjamahiSI kahA~ thIM aura kahA~ nahIM thIM so kahanA kaThina thaa| dhUpadAna meM se nikalate sugandhita dhUma, dhIme svara meM gUMjate vINA-rava aura devI mRgAvatI kI sukhAnubhUti ne ekameka hokara usa vizAla kakSa ke kone-kone ko pUra diyA thaa| sahasA bhItara se svargika AbhA-maNDita eka yuvA kanyA ne kakSa meM praveza kiyaa| divya kAMcana varNa, unnata lalATa aura sAnupAtika, kamanIya kRza kaayaa| usa sundarI ko dekhakara lagA jaise koI deva-kanyA vahA~ A gayI ho| kisI ko samajhate dera nahIM lagI ki isI anupama atithi ke svAgata ke lie mahArAnI ne Aja yaha utsava kiyA thaa| isI atirUpA ke Agamana ke satkAra meM Aja pUrA rAjamahala Alokita huA thaa| sAde svaccha AvaraNa meM sajjita usa sundarI kI deha para alaMkAra prAyaH nahIM the| usa devI ke praveza ke sAtha hI vaha kakSa jaise kisI alaukika AbhA se dIpta candanA :: 13
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________________ ho utthaa| usakI kundAbha deha-kAnti jyotsnA ke zItala prakAza kI taraha kakSa meM phaila gyii| eka sAtha sabakI A~kheM atithi kI ora uThIM aura vahIM kendrita hokara raha gyiiN| sabake mana meM utsukatA se upaje eka jaise prazna gUMja uThe "pahale to rAjamahala meM kabhI inakA darzana nahIM huA, kauna haiM ye devI ?" "kahA~ se inakA Agamana huA ?" "mAnuSI hI haiM yA kisI apsarA ko Amantrita kara liyA hai mahArAnI ne ?" mRgAvatI ne do paga bar3hakara snehapUrvaka Agantuka ko gale lagA liyaa| "ye haiM hamArI anujA, cndnaa|" basa, itane hI zabda mahArAnI ke mukha se nikale aura harSAvega ne unakA kaNTha avaruddha kara liyaa| donoM bahaneM eka-dUsare kI bA~hoM meM samAyIM Atmavibhora aise khar3I thIM jaise aba kabhI alaga honA hI nahIM hai| usa samaya unheM dekhakara lagatA thA jaise koI komala vanalatA kisI puSpita pAdapa se lipaTa gayI ho| mahArAnI ke mukha se 'anujA' zabda sunate hI samudAya meM halacala-sI maca gyii| mahilAe~ eka-dUsare ko Dhakelate hue apanI rAnI kI bahana ko nihArane kA prayAsa karane lgiiN| ve isa akalpita avasara para, usa alaukika saundarya-pratimA ko dekhakara jitanI vismita ho rahI thIM, usake paricaya ne unheM usase bhI adhika vismaya meM DAla diyA thaa| apanI jijJAsA ko dhIme svara meM ve eka-dUsare ke kAnoM taka pahu~cA rahI thIM -"dAsI ke rUpa meM kraya kI gayIM ye candanA hamArI mahArAnI kI bahana haiM ?" - "vardhamAna svAmI ko AhAra denevAlI bhAgyazAlI zrAvikA yahI haiM na ?" - "tumane sunA, aba ye vairAgya lekara AryA saMgha kI zaraNa meM jA rahI haiM !" - "vairAgina hokara yaha komala kAyA tapasyA kA kleza kaise sahegI ?" aura na jAne kitanI baateN| sunA huA saca thA, para dekhe hue para vizvAsa karanA kaThina laga rahA thaa| mahArAnI ne pyAra se candanA ko apane pAsa bitthaayaa| thor3I dera sabake sAtha sukha-dukha kI bAteM hotI rahIM phira yathAyogya bheMTa-puraskAra Adi ke uparAnta vaha choTI-sI maitrI-sabhA visarjita ho gyii| 14 :: candanA
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________________ rAta abhI gaharAI nahIM thii| kauzAmbI kA rAja-parivAra mahArAnI mRgAvatI ke kakSa meM candanA ke samIpa ekatrita thaa| Aja bahuta dinoM ke bAda mRgAvatI ko apanI lAr3alI bahana se milane kA suyoga milA thaa| candanA AryA saMgha kI zaraNa meM paha~canA cAhatI haiN| isameM eka pala kA bhI bilamba aba unheM sahya nahIM hai, para kala bar3I bahana kA sneha-bharA Agraha eka dina ke lie unheM isa rAjabhavana meM khIMca hI laayaa| sahodarA ke mohapAza meM Abaddha ve kevala eka dina ke lie yahA~ virama gayI haiN| kucha ghar3iyoM kA bilamba hai, phira to jIvana kI vaha yAtrA prArambha hogI jisameM kahIM koI bhaya nahIM, koI dukha nhiiN| cintAoM-AzaMkAoM kA jahA~ koI prasaMga hI prastuta nahIM hotaa| Aja mRgAvatI ke harSa kA pAra nahIM thaa| ve soca rahI thIM-kitanA kAla bIta gayA jaba mahala ke upavana meM se eka dina candanA akasmAt bichur3a gayI thii| mahala meM to itanI hI sUcanA AyI thI ki rAjakumArI upavana meM abhI-abhI taka thIM, parantu aba ve vahA~ kahIM dikhAI nahIM de rhiiN| phira kitane prayAsa kiye vaizAlI ke caroM ne, kahA~-kahA~ nahIM DhU~r3hA gayA rAjakumArI ko ? para jala-thala aura nabha meM kahIM bhI usakA koI cihna taka nahIM milaa| kisI nara-bhakSaka ne apanA grAsa banAyA hotA to candanA ke vastrAbhUSaNa kucha to zeSa milte| pRthvI use lIla gayI hotI to dharatI phaTane ke cihna DhU~r3hakara vaizAlI ke kuzala takSaka pAtAla se bhI use nikAla laate| kSaNa bhara meM aise vilIna ho gayI rAjakumArI ki kisI ko bhAna taka nahIM huaa| sArI talAza vyartha rhii| sAre upAya viphala hote gye| __ kucha dinoM meM mAtA ne chAtI para patthara rakhakara vidhi ke vidhAna kI taraha apanI sabase pyArI putrI kA viyoga vivaza svIkAra kara liyaa| pitA asahAya se karmodaya kI balavattA ko sira jhukAkara use bhulAne kA jatana karane lge| ___ phira kala kauzAmbI meM do camatkAra eka sAtha ghaTita hue| mahAmuni vardhamAna svAmI ke kaThina abhigraha kA suyoga milaa| dIrgha antarAla ke bAda unakI pAraNA candanA :: 15
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________________ huii| samAcAra milate hI jaba usa puNya yoga kI anumodanA-sarAhanA kI bhAvanA lekara hama vahA~ gaye taba akasmAt hamase bichur3I hamArI lAr3alI bahana hameM vahA~ mila gyii| __ hama saba to tabhI nirAza ho cuke the| hamArA parivAra to aba candanA ke milane kI AzA hI chor3a baiThA thaa| yaha kaisA vicitra saMyoga hai ki sAre prayAsa karake bhI hama jisakI chAyA taka na pA sake, mahAvIra kI pAraNA ke avasara para anAyAsa unhIM tapasvI ke caraNoM meM hamane use pA liyaa| candanA ke janma ke samaya hamAre mAtA-pitA ko vaisA harSa nahIM huA hogA jaise harSa kI anubhUti kala se hameM ho rahI hai| ___ candanA ne saMgha kI zaraNa meM apane Apako samarpita kara diyA hai| hamAre pAsa to vaha Aja kI hI dharohara hai| kala candanA hamAre pAsa nahIM rahegI, para bichur3I huI bahana ko pAne ke AhlAda kA AsvAda hameM jIvana bhara pramudita karatA rhegaa| hamArI candanA hameM mila gayI hai, vaha aba kabhI hamase nahIM bichur3a skegii| vicAroM ke isI sAgara meM DUbatI-tairatI mRgAvatI yaha jAnane ke lie utkaNThita thIM ki usa dina vaizAlI ke upavana se unakI sahodarA kaise, kahA~ vilIna ho gayI thii| phira kaise vaha surakSita rahI aura kaise kauzAmbI taka AyI, usane apanI vipatti kI sUcanA rAjabhavana taka kyoM nahIM pahu~cAyI, phira kala kaise mahAmuni sanmati ko par3agAhana karane kA suavasara use milA ? snehapUrvaka bahana ke kandhe para hAtha rakhakara unhoMne pUchA "usa dina tumhAre sAtha kyA aghaTa ghaTa gayA thA candana ! akasmAt kahA~ vilIna ho gayI thIM tuma ? phira kauzAmbI meM Akara hama taka samAcAra pahu~cAnA kyA kisI prakAra bhI sambhava nahIM thA tumhAre lie ?" "aba yaha saba jAnakara kyA karogI dIdI ? vaha saba bar3A bhayAnaka thaa| Aja to usakI smRti se bhI kA~pa jAtI hU~ maiN| tumhArI candana jItI jAgatI tumhAre sAmane baiThI hai| jaisA usakA tana-vadana surakSita dekha rahI ho na, asIma puNyodaya se vaisA hI usakA zIla-satItva bhI surakSita hai, itanA jAna lenA kyA paryApta nahIM hai tumhAre lie ?" zAnta bhAva se candanabAlA ne bahana ko uttara diyaa| "nahIM candana ! yaha paryApta nahIM hai hamAre lie| tumane jina vikaTa 16 :: candanA
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________________ paristhitiyoM meM apane Apako sa~bhAlA, aura apanI AsthA ko Digane nahIM diyA, vaha kevala eka abalA nArI kI kahAnI nahIM hai| usase sampUrNa nArI samAja kA sarokAra hai| Aja hama vaha saba sunanA cAhate haiM / kyoMki hameM vizvAsa hai dIrghakAla taka tumhArI kathA nArI mana kA sambala banatI rahegI aura unheM preraNA detI rhegii| "yaha bhI to soco ki yadi Aja tumhAre mukha se nahIM nikalA to vaha saba sadA ke lie anakahA hI raha jaaegaa| saMgha meM praveza karane ke uparAnta phira sAdhaka kA koI atIta nahIM raha jaataa| phira vaha vartamAna meM jItA hai aura bhaviSya ko sa~vArane kA puruSArtha karatA hai / hameM saba batAo candana ! lokahita ke sandarbha meM bhI usakA mahattva hai / " mRgAvatI ne apane Agraha kA aucitya candanA ko samajhAyA / "yadi itanA prabala Agraha karatI ho dIdI ! to maiM tumhArA yaha Adeza zirodhArya karatI hU~ / " candanA :: 17
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________________ hara dina kI taraha vaha bhI eka sAmAnya-sA dina thaa| madhyAhna Dhala rahA thA aura sUrya kA teja manda hone lagA thaa| upavana kI ora se phUloM kI sugandha liye surabhita bayAra hamAre kakSa taka A rahI thii| merA mana upavana kI saira ke lie macala utthaa| mohinI aura manoramA ko sAtha lekara maiM vana krIr3A ke lie calI gyii| vahA~ pahu~cakara sArathI aura rakSaka patha ke pArzva meM vizrAma karane lage aura hamane sadA kI taraha ha~sate-bolate vana meM praveza kiyaa| tuma to jAnatI ho dIdI ! vaizAlI kI rAjaputriyoM ke lie vanakrIr3A koI nayI bAta nahIM hai| yaha to hamArA roja kA kautuka thaa| gaNatantra kI sImA ke bhItara rAja-parivAra to kyA, hara nAgarika surakSita thaa| nara aura nAriyA~, yahA~ taka ki bAlaka-bAlikAe~ bhI, nirbhaya vicarate the| rAjya meM kahIM kisI prakAra kA bhaya nahIM thaa| hama tInoM saheliyA~ apanI krIr3A meM magana vRkSoM ke bIca ghUmane lgiiN| jhUle para biThAkara eka-dUsare ko jhulAne lgiiN| una donoM ko jhUle meM vyasta dekha maiM puSpa baToratI huI kuMja ke bAhara taka calI gyii| basa dIdI, yahI mere lie abhizApa ho gyaa| akasmAt pIche se kisI ke baliSTha hAthoM ne mujhe jakar3A aura AkAza meM uThA liyaa| kahane meM to samaya lagatA hai dIdI ! para yaha ghaTane meM kSaNAMza bhI nahIM lgaa| maiM pUre jora se chaTapaTAyI aura cIkha par3I, para AtatAyI ne merA mu~ha isa prakAra dabA rakhA thA ki merI cIkha bhItara hI ghuTakara raha gyii| - saca to yahI hai bahana ki karmoM kI gati nyArI hai, use samajhanA sarala nhiiN| cAlAka bher3iyA jisa prakAra jhapaTTA mArakara apane zikAra ko uThA le jAtA hai, usI prakAra usa rAkSasa ne mujhe dharatI se uThA liyA thaa| pAsa hI khelatI sakhiyoM ko pukAra sakU~ itanA bhI avasara mujhe nahIM milaa| maiMne kalpanA bhI nahIM kI thI ki kabhI aisI vipatti bhI mujha para A sakatI hai| basa, itanA hI mujhe smaraNa hai| phira mere netroM ke sAmane a~dherA chAne lagA, merI cetanA lupta hone lagI aura 18 :: candanA
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________________ sambhavataH isake bAda hI maiM mUrcchita ho gayI / pASANa ke zItala sparza se jaba tandrA TUTI taba maiMne svayaM ko saghana vana kI bhayaMkara aTavI meM eka U~cI caTTAna para paayaa| maiMne dekhA sAmane do vimAna dharatI para khar3e haiN| samIpa hI eka strI-puruSa paraspara vivAda meM ulajha rahe haiN| mahilA ucca svara meM bakajhaka kara rahI hai| unakI bAtoM se maiM itanA samajha pAyI ki ye koI vidyAdhara dampatI haiN| puruSa merA apaharaNa karake le jA rahA thA / use jJAta nahIM thA ki usakI lampaTatA se trasta, sadA - zaMkAlu sahacarI Aja usakA pIchA kara rahI hai / pIche patnI kA vimAna AtA dekhakara, usakI lalakAra sunakara hI usa pAmara ne apanA vimAna aTavI meM utAra liyA thA / sambhavataH patnI kA vimAna utarane ke pUrva hI vaha mujhe vahA~ chor3akara bhAganA cAhatA thA, para patnI ke Agamana ne use itanA avasara nahIM diyaa| aba vaha aparAdha bodha se grasita, vanAMcala ke bhramaNa kA rUpaka banAkara, apane ko nirdoSa batAne kA nATaka kara rahA thA / thor3I dera meM ve donoM lar3ate-jhagar3ate vimAnoM meM baiTha vahA~ se cale gaye / aba maiM usa aTavI meM nipaTa akelI raha gayI thI / sUrya astAcala kI ora bar3ha rahA thaa| usakI svarNAbhA pUrI aTavI para chA rahI thI / cAroM ora nistabdhatA aura nirjanatA kA sAmrAjya dikhAI detA thA / dUra dUra taka mAnava ke astitva kA koI cihna mujhe dikhAI nahIM diyA / prakRti kI sundaratA to bahuta dekhI thI dIdI, para usakA saundarya bhayAvaha bhI hotA hai yaha pahalI bAra maiM usa aTavI meM hI jAna paayii| sAmane vaMza-vRkSoM kI koMpaleM pUrI vanarAji ke Upara aise apanI bar3hata dikhA rahI thIM jaise bAdaloM ko chUne kA prayAsa kara rahI hoM / pArzva meM eka prapAta thA / puSkala parimANa meM aTUTa jalarAzi tIvra gati se, apane patana kA ghoSa karatI, nIce kuNDa meM girakara vana meM vilIna hotI jA rahI thI / kuNDa para andhakAra chAne lagA thaa| Age maiM kucha bhI dekha nahIM pA rahI thI / prakRti kA yaha rUpa dekhakara eka kSaNa ke lie maiM usameM kho gyii| eka ora Upara kI ora uThatI koMpaleM prakRti ke nirantara utthAna kI dhvajA phaharA rahI thIM / udhara dUsarI ora pAtAlagAmI prapAta prakRti ke antahIna patana ko manahara rUpa meM prastuta kara rahA thaa| prakRti kA patana bhI itanA manabhAvana hotA hai, yaha mujhe pahalI bodha huaa| mujhe lagA lubhAvanA saundarya ho yA bhayAvaha rUpa, donoM ke sRjana meM prakRti ke candanA :: 19
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________________ utthAna aura patana donoM kriyAoM kA anivArya yoga hotA hai| ye donoM eka mudrA ke hI do pahala haiN| jaba ye bhinna hokara bhI abhinna hI haiM taba manuSya ke mana meM eka ko lekara harSa aura dUsare ke lie viSAda kyoM utpanna hotA hai ? mAtA ne kabhI hameM sikhAyA thA 'utpAda-vyaya-dhrauvya tInoM ke sAmaMjasya kA nAma hI dravya hai / dravya kI do paryAyoM meM eka sAtha ina tInoM kA bodha ho jAtA hai| hara sajana kI antima pariNati vinAza hai aura hara vinAza kisI naye sUjana kA sUtrapAta hai| yahI jagata kI jIvantatA kA rahasya hai| yahA~ hara padArtha kA astitva apane hI atIta ke zava para avasthita hotA hai| usa dina usa DhalatI sA~jha ke maddhima prakAza meM prakRti naTI kA nakha-zikha avalokana karake maiM nazvara saMsAra kI isa zAzvata vyavasthA ko jaisI sUkSmatA se samajha sakI, utane spaSTa rUpa meM pahale kabhI nahIM jAna pAyI thii| usa ghora vipadA ke bIca yaha saba vicAra kara mujhe kucha sAntvanA milii| kSaNa bhara ko merI asAtA anubhUti tirohita ho gyii| usa dina yahI merI sandhyA - sAmAyika huii| vicAra-cakra se nikalate hI mujhe apanI asahAya avasthA kA bhAna huaa| andhakAra gahana hone lagA thaa| aba usa bhayaMkara tamisrA meM, hiMsra pazuoM se vyApta usa nirjana aTavI meM, maiM ekAkinI baiThI thii| bhakSaka cAroM ora the, rakSaka vahA~ koI nahIM thaa| kahIM nahIM thaa| mAtA ke kAnoM taka merI pukAra pahu~canI nahIM thI, taba ghora nirAzA ke kSaNoM meM jIvana kA utsarga karane kI bAta mere mana meM aayii| maiMne jIvana meM pahalI bAra mRtyu ko pukArA 'o mRtyu mAtA ! apane aMka meM sulAkara aba tumhIM merI pIr3A kA upacAra kara sakatI ho, tumhIM bacA sakatI ho mujhe isa vipatti se|...' kahate kahate candanA kA galA bhara aayaa| ve hilaka kara ro utthiiN| mRgAvatI ne hRdaya se lagAkara anujA ko Azvasta kiyaa| svayaM unake netroM se avirala bahatI azrudhAra jaba deha para par3I tabhI candanA ko usakA bhAna huaa| unhoMne apane Apako sa~bhAlate hue, sAhasa baTora kara apanI vyathA-kathA ko gati dene kA punaH prayAsa kiyA dIdI ! usa kSaNa merA mana durbala ho gayA thaa| kSaNa bhara ke lie mere mana meM AyA-'aba jIvana kA koI artha nahIM rhaa| isa asahAya avasthA meM Age jAkara na jAne aura kyA bhoganA par3e, ataH apane hAthoM isa paryAya kA paryavasAna kara 20 :: candanA
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________________ DAlanA hI ThIka hogaa| isa caTTAna se pIche prapAta meM chalA~ga lagAte hI svayameva mere sAre dukhoM kA anta ho jaaegaa| yaha sArI nirAzA, sArI vibhISikA aura yaha sArA andhakAra naSTa hone meM eka kSaNa hI to lgegaa| vaha pApiSTa apahartA vimAna utArane ke badale yadi nabha se hI mujhe isa vana meM pheka detA to aba taka to yaha saba ho hI cukA hotaa| aba isameM bilamba kyoM karU~ ?' maiM uThakara khar3I ho gyii| calane ko paga uThAyA ki tabhI dUra gagana meM bijalI kauMdha gyii| a~dhere ko cIratI huI vidyuta kI prakAza-rekhA ne mujhe prakRti ke utthAna aura patana ke usa adbhuta samanvaya kA eka bAra punaH sAkSAtkAra karA diyaa| eka bAra punaH nazvara jagata kI anazvara vyavasthA mere sAmane sAkAra ho utthii| AkAza meM kSaNamAtra ke lie ubharI vaha rajata-rekhA mana ke kSitija para nayA sUryodaya kara gyii| mujhe bhAsa gayA ki janma aura maraNa, maraNa aura janma, donoM eka mudrA ke do pahala hI to haiN| maiM mRtya kI zaraNa meM jA rahI thI, kintu kyA sacamuca jIvana ke kaSToM se mukti dilAne kI sAmarthya hai mRtyu meM ? mRtyu to jIvana kI jananI hai| vaha AtI hai to isa jIvana kA dIpa bhale hI bujha jAtA hai, para usI samaya eka naye jIvana kA sUtrapAta bhI to ho jAtA hai, eka nayA dIpa prajvalana tatkAla hI to ho jAtA hai| yaha cakra to anAdi se cala rahA hai| isameM ulajhakara mukti kI kAmanA, kyA jala-manthana se navanIta kI kAmanA jaisI nirarthaka nahIM hai ? jo ananta samasyAoM se bhare dUsare jIvana meM DhakelatI ho vaha mRtyu kisI samasyA kA samAdhAna kaise ho sakatI hai ? mujhe cintana ke Aloka meM mArga sUjha gyaa| prapAta kI ora uThA merA paga anAyAsa vApasa lauTa gyaa| maiM punaH usI zItala caTTAna para baiTha gyii| candanA ::21
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________________ jIvana aura mRtyu ko lekara merA hRdaya - manthana hotA rhaa| mujhe lagA, anAgata ke bhayoM se Darakara yaha mAnava-paryAya kho dene kA merA saMkalpa viveka-sammata nahIM thaa| bhayAvega meM liyA gayA vaha nirNaya kSaNika bhAvukatA kI upaja thii| jo janmA hai vaha maregA hI / merI bhI eka dina mRtyu hogI / mRtyu se koI baca nahIM sakA, maiM bhI nahIM bacU~gI, para usa bijalI kI kauMdha ne mujhe jo socane kA avasara diyA, usakA sahArA pAkara maiM mRtyu ke bhaya se baca gayI, sadA sadA ke lie baca gayI / maiMne nizcaya kara liyA ki aba maiM mRtyu se pahale nahIM marU~gI / 'bhava - maraNa' kA sAmanA to eka dina sabako karanA hai, parantu AtaMka ke Avega meM pratikSaNa jo 'bhAva - maraNa' hotA hai, vaha mujhe aba nahIM karanA hai 1 maiM isa durlabha paryAya ko aise kSaNika Aveza meM naSTa nahIM karU~gI / sva-kalyANa ke lie isakA upayoga karU~gI / apanI pUrI zakti lagAkara maiM paristhitiyoM se jUjhatI calU~gI, zakti bhara vipattiyoM kA sAmanA kruuNgii| usa kSaNa maiMne yaha saMkalpa avazya kara liyA dIdI, ki yadi kabhI mere zIla para saMkaTa par3A to maiM prANa dekara bhI zIla kI rakSA kruuNgii| apanI zIla sampadA ko surakSita rakhakara hI jiU~gI aura avasara AyA to zIla-rakSA ke lie Age bar3hakara maraNa ko svIkAra kara luuNgii| taba maiM bA~heM phailAkara apanI mRtyu ko svayaM gale lgaauuNgii| jaise-jaise rAta bItane lagI vaise hI vaise aTavI kI nIravatA bar3hane lagI / hiMsra pazuoM kI garjanAe~ kramazaH manda aura banda hotI gyiiN| jaba-taba kahIM kisI Atura prANI ke saMcaraNa se vaha nIravatA kSaNeka ke lie bhaMga hotI thI / bIca-bIca meM kucha pakSI bhI apanI upasthiti kA AbhAsa de jAte the| mujhe smaraNa huA - jIvana meM pahalI bAra Aja maiM rAtri meM akelI huuN| mAtA ne hameM kabhI akelA nahIM chodd'aa| varjanA karane para bhI kama-se-kama eka dAsI to hamAre kakSa meM hotI thii| mAtA ke lie maiM abhI abodha bAlikA hI to thI / ve svayaM bhI rAtri meM eka bAra mere kakSa meM avazya AtI thiiN| maiM socatI rahI dIdI, ki isa samaya mAtA bhI merI taraha nidrAhIna baiThIM mujhe smaraNa karake ro rahI hoMgI / mere vicAroM kI yaha dhArA adhika dera nahIM clii| aba merA dhyAna sAmane upasthita samasyAoM kI ora gyaa| rAtri to isI caTTAna para bitAnI hai / pazu 22 :: candanA
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________________ 1 isa U~ce cikane pASANa para car3hakara A sakate haiM yA nahIM so kahanA kaThina hai sarpa- sarIsRpa sugamatA se A sakate haiM / parantu aba kauna A sakatA hai aura kauna nahIM, yaha socakara kyA hogA ? apane Ayukarma para AsthA aura prabhu nAma para bharosA karanA cAhie / jahA~ sAre sahAre chUTa jAe~ vahA~ bhagavAna kA nAma hI sahArA hai| 'prabhu nAma' kA smaraNa Ate hI tapasvI mahAvIra kI saumya chavi merI A~khoM meM jhUlane lgii| unakI karuNA - pUrita mukhAkRti aise jhalakane lagI jaise ve yahIM, isI zilA para virAja rahe hoN| sahasA mere mukha se nikala gayA- 'Aja kI rAta mere mana meM hI virAjo muninAtha ! isa bhIta abalA ko sAhasa do mahAvIra !' karuNAnidhAna vardhamAna munirAja ke guNAnuvAda meM merI samagra cetanA tallIna ho gyii| mere prabhu varSoM se jisa satya kI zodha meM saMlagna haiM usa satya kI eka kaNikA mere antastala meM dIpta ho utthii| maiM deha nahIM hU~, videha hU~ / janma aura maraNa, roga aura jarA, vadha aura bandhana, ye sAre upadrava deha para hote haiM, maiM to ina sabase vilaga, cetanA kA pu~ja hU~ / kaSTa mujhe koI de nahIM sakatA, vyathA mujhe vyApa hI nahIM sakatI, taba AtaMkita hone kA prazna hI kahA~ hai ? maraNa meM mujhe sparza karane kI zakti hI nahIM hai taba mRtyu kA bhaya kaisA ? basa, aise hI prabhu-smaraNa aura Atma-cintana meM apanI samagra cetanA ko niyojita karake maiM usa pASANa zikhara para rAta bhara baiThI rahI / vipatti ke bhaya kI bAta to dUra, mujhe usa pASANa kI zItalatA kA bhI bhAna nahIM huA / candanA :: 23
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________________ prAcI ne prakAza phailAyA aura pakSiyoM ne cahakanA prArambha kiyA taba merI dhyAnasamAdhi ttuuttii| maiMne apane pariveza ko dhyAna se dekhaa| sUryodaya ke kucha pahale hI vanAMcala meM eka anokhI halacala maca gayI thii| pakSI andhakAra para prakAza kI vijaya kA jayagAna karane lage the| pazu apane zaraNasthala tyAgakara nikalane lage the| vRkSoM para markaTa lIlAe~ prArambha ho cukI thiiN| cAroM chUTa jIvana-saMgIta ke sAtoM svara gUMjane lage the| bItI sA~jha kI apriya ghaTanA kI TIsa kA anubhava karate hue bhI maiM kucha Azvasta thI ki isa nirjana aTavI meM rAtri vyatIta ho gayI aura merA koI ahita nahIM huaa| kala upavana meM mere lie manuSya ne rAkSasa kA rUpa dhara liyA thA parantu rAtrikAla meM isa ghora vana ke pazuoM ne mere sAtha koI pazutA nahIM dikhaayii| sambhavataH isalie ki pazu akAraNa kisI ko hAni nahIM phuNcaate| yA phira isalie ki kala upavana meM merA karmodaya pratikUla thA aura yahA~ vana meM vaisA kucha nahIM thaa| ____ maiMne sammedAcala kI ora Avarta aura praNati pUrvaka siddhoM ko namana kiyaa| teIsa tIrthaMkara bhagavantoM kA stavana karake pArzvaprabhu kI vandanA kI aura mahAvIra mahAmuni ke smaraNa meM do ghar3I kAla bitaayaa| apane Apako unake zrIcaraNoM kI chA~ha meM maiM surakSita anubhava karatI huuN| unheM smaraNa karate samaya mere sAre bhaya bhAga jAte haiN| mujhe apane bhItara eka anokhI zakti kA anubhava hone lagatA hai| vanazrI kI pavitra suSamA cAroM ora kSitija taka bikharI dikhAI de rahI thii| usakA ananta AkarSaNa merI dRSTi ko haThAt bAra bAra apanI ora khIMca rahA thA aura maiM niHzaMka mana se nisarga kI usa apAra sampadA kA sAkSAtkAra kara rahI thii| sahasA isI bIca kucha aspaSTa se mAnava-svara mere karNagocara he| vaha mAnavadhvani dUra kahIM vRkSoM ke jhuramuTa se A rahI thii| usa samaya pakSiyoM ke bahuvidha kalarava ke madhya bhI mAnava ke bola pahacAnane meM mujhase koI bhUla nahIM huii| aba taka maiM Azvasta ho cukI thI ki aTavI ke pazu-pakSiyoM se merA ahita nahIM hogA, 24 :: candanA
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________________ para, manuSya para vizvAsa karane kA aba mujhameM sAhasa nahIM thaa| AzaMkA se bharI maiM apanI pUrI cetanA ko karNagata karake jahA~ se vaha dhvani A rahI thI usa ora dekhane lgii| eka kSaNa meM hI jhAr3a-jhaMkhAr3a ke bIca se ubharatI do mAnava-AkRtiyA~ mujhe dikhAI diiN| paraspara bAtoM meM lage ve loga aba isI ora Ate dikhane lage the, para aba taka unhoMne mujhe dekhA nahIM thaa| unakI dRSTi se ojhala hone kA usa pASANa-zilA para mere pAsa koI upAya nahIM thaa| pArzva prabhu kA nAma letI maiM jaisI baiThI thI vaisI hI baiThI rhii| caTTAna ke nikaTa Ane para hI mujha para unakI dRSTi par3I hogii| ve lagabhaga vismita se merI ora nihArane lge| unameM eka strI thI, dUsarA puruss| gaharA zyAma varNa aura kaTi ke Upara sarvathA anAvRta deha se jJAta ho gayA thA ki ve vanavAsI bhIla haiM, mRgayA ke lie vana meM Aye hoNge| maiMne lakSya kara liyA ki merI ora iMgita karake, bAta karate hue ve isI ora bar3hate cale A rahe the| yaha bItI sandhyA kI bAta hotI dIdI, to tumhArI candana bhaya se kA~pa gayI hotI, cIkha par3I hotI, yA mUrchita ho gayI hotii| para Aja to usa aTavI meM eka dUsarI hI candanA baiThI thii| mujhe vizvAsa ho gayA thA ki duSkarmoM kA prakopa ho taba upavana meM bhI manuSya rAkSasa banakara AkAza se TapakatA hai, aura pazutA kA AcaraNa kara baiThatA hai| para jaba taka vaisA na ho, taba taka bhayaMkara aTavI meM hiMsra pazuoM ke bIca bhI, manuSya kI koI hAni nahIM hotii| jagata ke maMca para, karma ke prapaMca ke binA, raMcamAtra bhI abhinaya-Ayojana nahIM hote| Atma-bodha kA aisA abhaya mujhe prApta ho gayA thA ki aba mujhe kisI se koI bhaya nahIM raha gayA thaa| una donoM kI ora se sarvathA nispRha aura nirapekSa, nata nayana, nirbhaya, nirudvigna, aura mauna, maiM apane sthAna para baiThI rhii| ve donoM pati-patnI the| caTTAna para Akara mere sAmane baiTha gye| mujhe lagA ki strI ne mujhe zIza jhukAkara namana bhI kiyaa| sambhavataH yaha mere dhairya aura nirbhIkatA kA prabhAva rahA hogaa| bAda meM bhIlanI ne batAyA thA ki usa samaya usane mujhe vanadevI samajhakara praNAma kiyA thaa| strI ke mana meM jo bhI rahA ho parantu puruSa kI dRSTi acchI nahIM thii| usameM vAsanA kA vikAra thaa| prakRti kA yaha kaisA vaicitrya hai dIdI, ki hama nAriyoM ko puruSa ke dRSTi-nikSepa mAtra se unake abhiprAya kA anumAna ho jAtA hai| dUra se candanA :: 25
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________________ hI puruSa kI vikArI dRSTi par3ane para nArI kI deha meM eka cubhana kI anubhUti hone lagatI hai| usa kSaNa maiM usI apamAnajanaka cubhana kA saMvedana kara rahI thii| bhIla adhika dera cupa nahIM raha skaa| usane binA kisI bhUmikA ke apanA kutsita prastAva mere sAmane rakha diyA "hamAre kula-devatA ne tumheM yahA~ bhejA hai| sabase pahale merI dRSTi tuma para par3I hai isalie tuma para merA adhikAra hai| mujhe svAmI svIkAro aura hamAre sAtha clo|" merI asahamati bhIla ko apane pauruSa ke apamAna-sI lgii| vaha ugra hone lgaa| usane balAt mujhe uThA le jAne kI dhamakI bhI de ddaalii| bIca bIca meM bhIlanI use kucha samajhAtI-sI lagatI thI para unakI bolI maiM nahIM samajha pA rahI thii| mAtra unakI ceSTAoM se hI kucha anumAna ho rahA thaa| itanA nizcaya mujhe ho gayA ki hama vaizAlI gaNatantra se bahuta dUra kisI anya deza meM haiN| bhIlanI ke samajhAne kA eka pariNAma avazya huA, bhIla bar3abar3AtA huA caTTAna se utara kara prapAta kI ora calA gyaa| aba bhIlanI sarakakara mere samIpa A baitthii| usane mujhase merA paricaya jAnanA caahaa| maiM kisa mu~ha se kahatI dIdI, ki maiM hatabhAgyA vaizAlI kI rAjakanyA hU~ ? yaha bhI to mujhe jJAta nahIM thA ki maiM kisI mitra deza kI sImA meM hU~ yA vaizAlI se zatrutA rakhanevAle kisI rAjya kI dharatI para baiThI huuN| sahI paricaya kA pariNAma kyA hogA yaha nahIM jAnatI thI, para itanA jAnatI thI ki usase mere mAtA-pitA ke gaurava ko Thesa pahu~cegI, unakI apakIrti hogii| usa kSaNa binA vicAre jo bhI jibhyA para AyA vahI mithyA paricaya maiMne use batA diyaa| bhIlanI ne mujhe jatA diyA ki maiM yahA~ surakSita nahIM huuN| usakA pati mere rUpa para lubdha hai, mujhe prApta karake hI rhegaa| maiM sahamata nahIM huI to vaha balAta mujhe uThA le jaaegaa| mujhe usakI bAta mAna lene ke sivA prANa-rakSA kA koI upAya nahIM hai| maiMne bhIlanI ke saujanya kA uttara saujanya sahita kintu dRr3hatApUrvaka diyaa| apanA saMkalpa bhI usa para prakaTa kara diyA ki "maiM prANa de dU~gI para apane zIla para A~ca nahIM Ane duuNgii| yadi mujha para bala prayoga kA prayAsa kiyA gayA to maiM vahIM aura usI samaya apane jIvana kA 26:: candanA
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________________ anta kara luuNgii| ucchvAsa-rodha nimiSa mAtra meM prANa tyAgane kI vidhi mujhe jJAta hai|" namratApUrvaka sUcita kie gae mere dRr3ha saMkalpa kA bhIlanI para prabhAva pdd'aa| svabhAvataH nArI ke mana meM nArI ke prati saMvedanA hotI hI hai| merI vipatti ne bhI use kucha dravita kiyA hogaa| usane mere pairoM para hAtha rakhakara kahA "bahana ! apanI cerI mAnakara hI merI bAta mAna lo| maiM tumhAre sAtha chala nahIM kruuNgii| tuma hamAre sAtha calI clo| merA pati jo ThAna letA hai, use karake rahatA hai| abhI tumheM sahamata karAne ke bahAne maiMne usase thor3A-sA samaya mA~gA hai| vaha kisI bhI kSaNa AtA hI hogaa| kuTIra para calo, vahA~ use samajhA-bujhAkara maiM tumhArI rakSA kA prayAsa kruuNgii| viphala ho jAU~ to prANa tyAgane kA kauzala to tumhAre pAsa hai hii| jo tumhAre jI meM Ae so kara lenA, maiM nahIM rokuuNgii| "vaha bar3A haThI hai, Aveza meM ucita-anucita kA viveka kho baiThatA hai| phira tuma to isa vana meM nipaTa akelI ho| yahA~ tumhArA rakSaka kauna hai ? hama tumheM yahA~ chor3a bhI jAe~ to jisakI bhI dRSTi tuma para par3egI vaha tumhAre sAtha yahI kregaa| vahI tumhArA svAmI ho jaaegaa| hamAre vanAMcala kA yahI calana hai, ise yahA~ anucita nahIM mAnA jaataa| "eka aura kAma kI bAta tumheM batAtI hU~-yahA~ tumheM koI kitanA bhI DarAyedhamakAye, para jaba taka tumhArI sahamati nahIM hogI, koI tumheM vivaza nahIM kregaa| hama rAkSasavaMzI haiN| hamAre kabIle kA aTala niyama hai ki yadi kisI puruSa ne kabIle ke bAhara kI kisI nArI ko balAt bhogane kA dussAhasa kiyA to hamAre pUrvaja ruSTa ho jAe~ge aura usakA vaMza nAza ho jaaegaa| kabIle kA bhI amaMgala hogaa| isalie sAhasa rakho, dhIraja se kAma lo aura calo hamAre saath| ___ "tumhAre lie maiM kuladevatAoM kI puSpArcanA karU~gI, ve avazya tumhArI rakSA kreNge| unakI kRpA se tumhArA aniSTa nahIM hogaa| tuma haTha mata karo, hamAre sAtha calanA svIkAra kara lo|" merI usa svayamAgatA sahelI kA parAmarza pUrA huA thA ki dUra se usakA pati AtA huA dikhaa| vaha svayaM uThakara usa ora calI gyii| una donoM meM kucha bAteM huiiN| maiMne to rAtri se hI apane Apako bhAgya ke bharose chor3a diyA thaa| dhairyapUrvaka karmodaya kI lIlA dekhane kA maiMne apanA mana banA liyA thA, vaisA sAhasa bhI juTA liyA thaa| candanA :: 27
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________________ bhIlanI akelI lauttii| eka bAra phira usane mujhe DhADhasa diyaa| usakA prastAva mujhe ucita lagA / aura kucha upAya bhI nahIM thaa| maiMne vivazatA meM sira hilAkara sahamati kA saMketa de diyaa| maiM usakI bAtoM para aura apane bhAgya para bharosA karake, pArzvaprabhu kA smaraNa karatI, paravaza usake sAtha cala dI / prAyaH do ghar3I meM hama araNya ke bAhara A gye| mArga meM gau vRSabha jaise pazu aura kahIM kahIM bhIloM ke parNAvAsa bhI dikhane lage the| yaha jJAta nahIM ho sakA ki hama kisa janapatha meM vaizAlI se kitanI dUra haiM / 28 :: candanA
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________________ dUra se hI bhIlanI ne aMguli nirdeza karake apanI kuTiyA kI ora saMketa kiyaa| usakA pati hamArI pratIkSA meM bAhara hI khar3A thaa| rassI se ba~dhA bali pazu jaisI vivazatA meM balipITha taka jAtA hai, vaisI hI vivaza hokara, bhIlanI dvArA khIMce jAne para, maiMne usa kuTIra meM paga rkhaa| mujhe kuza Asana para biThAkara vaha eka mRd bhANDa meM jala le aayii| maiMne anicchA jatAte hue pAtra sAmane se haTA diyA aura vyagra hokara kalpanA ke vAtAyana se bhaviSya kI vibhISikA meM jhA~kane kA prayAsa karane lgii| AdhI ghar3I meM hI pati-patnI Akara mere sAmane baiTha gye| bhIla bAra-bAra mujhe bahalAne-phusalAne aura dhamakAne kI ceSTA karatA rhaa| usane mujhe bhaya bhI dikhAye aura jo kucha vaha zabdoM se nahIM kaha pAyA vaha usake niSThura bhAvoM aura abhadra saMketoM ne merI cetanA taka pahu~cA diyaa| bhIlanI bahuta kama bolii| vaha bhI pati ke prastAvoM kA samarthana hI karatI rhii| ___ bIca-bIca meM jaba bhIla mujha para bala prayoga kI dhamakI detA taba avazya usa strI ke mukha para vidrUpatA bharI musakAna kI eka rekhA A jAtI thI jise vaha kuTilatApUrvaka apane pati kI dRSTi se chipA letI thii| usake mukha para AtI vahI vakra rekhA mere dhairya kA AdhAra bana jAtI thii| usakA artha thA ki mere sAtha balAt kacha bhI ghaTita nahIM hogaa| phira bhI maiM hara prakAra kI apriya paristhiti kA sAmanA karane ke lie pratipala sAvadhAna thii| maiMne sira hilAkara asahamati kA apanA mantavya jatA diyaa| usa samaya merA saMkalpa hI merA sambala thA isalie maiM AzaMkita hokara bhI bhIta nahIM thii| madhyAhna meM eka bAra punaH mujhe samajhAne aura dhamakAne kA vaha pUrA dRzya doharAyA gyaa| isa bIca bhIla ke parAkrama kA samAcAra pAkara Asa-pAsa kI kucha striyA~ kisI-na-kisI bahAne, mujhe dekhane ke lie usa kuTiyA kI parikramA kara gyiiN| eka-do puruSa bhI usa abhiprAya se Aye parantu bhIlanI ne usa dina kisI candanA :: 29
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________________ ko apanI kuTiyA kI lakSmaNa rekhA lA~ghane nahIM dii| usa strI para avizvAsa karane kA mere pAsa koI kAraNa nahIM thaa| lagatA thA merI durbhAgyapUrNa dayanIya paristhiti ne use dravita kara diyA thaa| apanI gRhasthI meM kalaha bacAte hue jitanA bana sake, vaha merI rakSA kA prayAsa karanA cAhatI thii| merI prANahAni kA nimitta vaha nahIM bananA cAhatI thii| sAyaMkAla bhIla bAhara calA gyaa| aba madirA ke prabhAva meM bahakatA AdhI rAta ko lauttegaa| bhIlanI ko khulakara bAteM karane kA avasara mila gyaa| vaha mere pAsa Akara baiTha gyii| usane pati ko batA diyA thA ki merA nirNaya aTala hai aura maiM kisI bhI dazA meM kisI kI bhogyA nahIM bnuuNgii| usane yaha bhI jatA diyA thA ki mujha para bala prayoga karanevAle ko merI niSprANa deha milegI, maiM nahIM miluuNgii| bhIlanI ne batAyA ki merI dRr3hatA ne usake pati ko nirAza to kara diyA parantu isa nirAzA se usake bhItara dUsarA vikAra utpanna ho gayA hai| vaha mAna rahA hai ki maiM usake adhIna, usI kI sampatti huuN| vahI merA svAmI hai| yadi maiM use svIkAra nahIM karatI hU~ taba bhI vaha mujhe mukta nahIM kregaa| merA vikraya karake vaha apanI viphalatA kA badalA cukAegA aura kucha svarNa bhI arjita kara legaa| ___ bhIlanI ke mukha se apanI durdazA kI yaha navIna AzaMkA jAnakara eka bAra phira merA sAhasa TUTane lgaa| usa zIta rAtri meM bhI mere mAthe para sveda bindu jhalaka aaye| dIdI ! mujhe lagA maiM apane durbhAya ke sAmane adhika dera Tika nahIM paauuNgii| maiM hAra jaauuNgii| vikretA aura kretA kI svArthapUrti ke lie kauna jAne maiM kisa kumbhIpAka meM DAla dI jaauuNgii| kyA yaha AzaMkA jJAta ho jAne para bhI mujhe jIvita rahanA cAhie ? saba kucha jAnakara bhI apane Apako kisI ajJAta narakAgni meM jhoMka denA buddhimAnI hogI kyA ? yaha to dussAhasa hogaa| kala ugane vAlA sUrya mere zIla ke candramA para khagrAsa grahaNa kA sAkSI bnegaa| nahIM, maiM nahIM dekhUgI kala kA suuryody| nahIM jInA mujhe aisI bhayAnaka vibhISikA ke biic| isa samaya maraNa hI mere lie zreyaskara hai| dIdI ! maiM adhIra ho gyii| mere kaNTha se cIkha nikala gyii| nahIM, cIkha nikara.te-nikalate raha gyii| maiMne balapUrvaka use kaNTha meM hI roka liyaa| merA mana ro rahA thA, para tana to vivaza thA, vaha khulakara ro bhI nahIM sakatA thaa| kauna jAne merA krandana sunakara kisa ghar3I kauna kahA~ se A jAe aura mere sAtha kyA kara baiThe ? parantu dIdI ! mAnasika pIr3A ke usa durvaha vega ko roka pAnA bhI mere lie 30 :: candanA
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________________ sambhava nahIM huaa| usake Avega meM maiMne apanA mastaka pUre jora se bhIta para mAra liyaa| pIr3A ke mAre maiM bilakhane lgii| itanA kahate kahate candanA phaphaka kara ro pdd'ii| mRgAvatI kI A~khoM se bhI azrudhAra baha clii| ve bahana ko bA~hoM meM bharakara sAntvanA dene lagIM "adhIra mata ho candana ! vaha eka bhayAnaka duHsvapna thA, bIta gyaa| aba jAgane para usakA bhaya kaisA ? ruko mata candanA ! Aja apanI hara anubhUti ko abhivyakti dekara sAkAra kara do| eka dina tumhArI yaha vyathA purANoM kI kathA bnegii| sahasrAbdiyoM taka loga usase sAhasa aura dRr3hatA kA sandeza pAte rheNge| vipadA kA pratikAra karane aura aDiga bane rahane kI preraNA loka ko tumhAre caritra se milegii| kaho Age kyA huA ?" vaha duHsvapna nahIM thA dIdI ! merA bhogA huA yathArtha thaa| phira mujhe kucha bhI smaraNa nahIM, maiM besudha ho gayI yA mujhe nidrA ne ghera liyaa| kitanI ghar3iyA~ bIta gayI hoMgI jaba maiMne apane Apako U~ce koTa-kaMgUroM se ghire eka udyAna meM khar3e paayaa| vahA~ mahAviTapa ke nIce eka kSINakAya nArI zokamagna baiThI thii| usake cAroM ora azobhana AkRti vAlI pratihAriyoM kA gherA thaa| usa nirIha nArI ko dekhakara lagatA thA jagata kA sArA viSAda sameTa kara, usI upAdAna se vidhAtA ne avasAda kI vaha mUrti gar3hI hogii| usa nirjIva-sI nArI ko dekhakara, prathama dRSTi meM mRttikA-mUrti kA hI bhrama hotA thaa| kSaNa-kSaNa para mukha se nikalate dIrgha zItocchvAsa hI usake jIvita hone kA bodha karAte the, cetanA kA anya koI lakSaNa usa deha meM dikhAI nahIM detA thaa| acAnaka sAre upavana meM halacala maca gyii| lagA jaise bhUDola hI A gayA ho| sevaka-sevikAoM ke samUha apane Apako vyavasthita karane meM vyasta ho gye| bhayAnaka chavi vAlA unakA bhUdharAkAra mahArAjA udyAna kA bhramaNa karake hamAre sAmane se hI vApasa jA rahA thaa| usakI DArAvanI chavi dekhate hI pahacAna gayI ki maiM laMkA kI azoka-vATikA meM sItA mAtA ke sAmane khar3I huuN| yaha maiM kisa nayI vipatti meM pha~sa gayI ? maiM bhaya se thara-thara kA~pane lgii| maiMne eka bAra punaH apane ArAdhya ko pukArane kA prayatna kiyA parantu merI pukAra ruddha hokara raha gyii| usI chaTapaTAhaTa meM merI nidrA bhaMga huii| sAvadhAna hone para anubhava hue svapna kI bhayAvahatA se merI deha sveda-sikta ho rahI hai, maiM aba bhI kA~pa rahI thii| phira mujhe AbhAsa huA jaise svapna meM bhagavatI sItA mujhase hI kucha kaha rahI haiM candanA :: 31
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________________ 'dekha liyA putrI ! maiMne chaha mAsa aisI vibhISikA kI chAyA meM bitAye taba bhI sAhasa nahIM chor3A thaa| dhairya aura dharma merI rakSA karate rhe| tuma eka dina meM hI adhIra ho rahI ho ? tuma kisI prakAra mujhase durbala nahIM ho| tuma bhI vaisI hI ananta balavatI AtmA ho| usa cirantana akampa jyoti kA smaraNa karo, usI se tumheM prakAza milegA, mArga suujhegaa| saMsAra meM eka bhI prANI aisA nahIM candanA, jo karmodaya ke sukha-dukha bhogane se bacA ho| jo karmaphala bhogate samaya klezita ho jAte haiM ve bhaviSya ke lie adhika duSkarma bA~dha lete haiN| parantu jinhoMne karma ke rahasya ko samajha liyA, ve udaya ko samatA se bhogate haiN| karma kA bhAra ghaTAne kA yahI upAya hai| sAhasa rakho aura vahI upAya aMgIkAra kro| mAnava paryAya kaThinatA se milatI hai|| ise kaSAyoM ke Avega meM naSTa karanA ucita nhiiN| AtmaghAta to paraghAta se bar3A pAtaka hai, vaha pApa kabhI mata karanA candanA !' maiM isa andhakAra meM mArga dikhAne ke lie sItA mAtA ke prati kRtajJatA se bhara utthii| mujhe lagA kitanI dayAlu haiM ye devI, usa yuga meM zrIlakSmaNa aura rAvaNa ke jIva ko sambodhana karane raurava-bhUmi taka gayI thIM, Aja mere bhItara bola rahI aba taka merI tandrA dUra ho cukI thii| mujhe smaraNa AyA, eka bAra hamAre upavana meM AryikA saMgha kA Agamana huA thA taba mahAsatI sItA kA jIvana-vRtta unhoMne hameM sunAyA thaa| mAtA subhadrA bhI sItA, aMjanA aura mainAsundarI kI kathAe~ bAra bAra hameM sunAtI thiiN| maiMne hAtha jor3akara sItA mAtA ko praNAma kiyA aura pArzva prabhu ko smaraNa karake honahAra kA sAmanA karane ke lie sannaddha hokara baiTha gyii| 32 :: candanA
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________________ __ maiM eka bAra punaH vardhamAna mahAmuni kA smaraNa karane lgii| usa saumya vItarAga chavi kA dhyAna Ate hI mere santapta mana kA sArA tApa jur3A jAtA hai| sArI pIr3A vilopita ho jAtI hai| abhI taka to unake darzana se hI anurAga thA, para aba maiM unakI kRpAkAMkSiNI bana gayI thii| saMsAra kA jaisA kutsita rUpa do dina meM mere sAmane ujAgara huA hai, use dekhakara aba jagata lIlA meM mere lie koI rasa, koI AkarSaNa zeSa nahIM raha gayA thaa| maiM anAtha bhaTaka rahI huuN| ve anAthoM ke nAtha hI aba merA uddhAra kreN| kaba milegI mujhe unakI kRpA kI kora ? kaba leMge ve parama kRpAlu mujhe caraNoM kI zaraNa meM ? isa prakAra bhagavata-ArAdhanA meM maiMne vaha pUrI rAtri bitA dii| candanA :: 33
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________________ sahasA kuTiyA kA dvAra TAlakara bhIlanI AyI aura mere pAsa baiTha gyii| binA bhUmikA ke usane apanA manogata zabdoM meM bA~dhakara bikharAnA prArambha kiyA___ "tuma bahuta haThIlI ho bahina ! tumhAre hita kI bAta kahatI hU~ para tuma sunatI hI nhiiN| nArI kI sRSTi to puruSa ke lie hI huI hai| puruSa ke binA usake jIvana kA koI artha hotA hai kyA ? merA pati burA nahIM hai| vaha tuma para Asakta hai, yadi tuma cAho to hamAre sAtha sukhI hokara raha sakatI ho| maiM isakI tIsarI patnI huuN| hama tInoM do varSa sAtha rhe| phira bar3I eka dina kisI vanapazu kA grAsa bana gayI, choTI kucha samaya pUrva ise chor3akara calI gyii| aba tuma cAho to hama donoM milakara raha leNge| yahA~ mere sAtha tumheM kaSTa nahIM hogaa| yahA~ to hara kuTiyA meM tIna-cAra kA nirvAha hotA hai| yahI hamAre kuladevatA kI AjJA hai|" maiMne namratApUrvaka usake hitopadeza kA AbhAra mAnakara dRr3hatApUrvaka apanA nirNaya bhI doharA diyA __"jo merI deha ko hAtha lagAegA vaha mujhe pAegA nahIM, merA niSprANa zarIra hI pA skegaa| mere saMskAra dUsarI taraha ke haiN| maiM apane kula kI rIti nibhaauuNgii|" bhIlanI ne samajha liyA hogA ki maiM apanI haTha chor3ane vAlI nahIM huuN| usane kucha-kucha nirAzA aura roSa ke sAtha apane pati ke nirNaya kI ghoSaNA kI___ "jaisA tumheM acchA lage vaisA hI karo, para eka bAta jAna lo ! mere pati ne tumheM pAyA hai so vaha aise chor3anevAlA nahIM hai| maiMne use samajhAne kA prayAsa kiyA parantu usakA koI phala nahIM niklaa| usane nizcaya kiyA hai ki yadi use tumhArA tana nahIM mila pAyA, to tumhAre vinimaya se vaha svarNa prApta kregaa| uttara pAne para Aja hI tumheM vikraya hetu hATa meM le jAne kI vyavasthA hai|" maiMne binA kisI pratirodha ke yaha vikalpa svIkAra kara liyaa| pratirodha karane kA koI artha bhI nahIM thaa| hATa meM jo mujhe kraya karegA, ho sakatA hai vaha sarvathA rAkSasa na ho| bhAgya kA likhA sAmane AegA tabhI vicAra karU~gI ki mujhe kyA karanA hai| maiMne apanA saMkalpa bhIlanI ko jatA diyaa| vaha pati ko usakI sUcanA 34 :: candanA
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________________ dene calI gyii| ___kucha hI samaya meM phala aura jala se bharA sakorA lekara bhIlanI phira vahA~ aayii| sAmane rakhakara mujhase grahaNa karane kA Agraha kiyaa| maiMne anicchApUrvaka vaha saba pare haTA diyA aura usa kRpA ke lie usakA AbhAra maanaa| isa bIca maiMne lakSya kiyA, mere AbhUSaNa bhIlanI ko lubhA rahe the| prAtaHkAla se hI vaha lalacAI dRSTi se bAra-bAra unhIM kI ora dekha rahI thii| maiMne eka eka kara sAre AbhUSaNa utAre aura use de diye| aba maiM dAsI-paNya meM vikrayArtha prastuta hone jA rahI thI, vahA~ dAsiyoM kA vinimiya hotA hai, rAjakumAriyoM kA nhiiN| dAsI kI deha para na AbhUSaNoM kA gaurava bar3hane vAlA hai, na dAsI kA maan| thor3I hI dera meM bhIla apane pramukha ko sAtha lekara A gyaa| donoM ne eka bAra punaH mujhe samajhAne-dhamakAne kA prayAsa kiyaa| mukhiyA ne yaha bhI batAyA ki usakI mAtA ne virodha nahIM kiyA hotA to vaha mujhe kisI bhI prakAra yahA~ se jAne nahIM detaa| aba ve donoM apanI asaphalatA se kSubdha mujhe dAsI banAkara becane ke lie utAvale ho rahe the| binA kisI vilamba ke ve usI samaya mujhe dAsI-paNya le jAne ke lie sannaddha the| bhIlanI ne eka pracchanna pIr3A ke sAtha saMketa kiyA aura maiM unake sAtha calane ko prastuta ho gyii| una donoM ne eka vRddha puruSa ko aura sAtha le liyA jo sambhavataH vinimiya-vizeSajJa rahA hogaa| usane Ate hI eka taTastha-sI dRSTi DAlakara mere zarIra ke mola kA anumAna lagA liyA, santuSTi se sira hilAyA aura mukhiyA ke sAtha Age Age calane lgaa| mujhe madhya meM calane kA Adeza huaa| bhIla merI caukasI karatA pIche cala rahA thaa| sa~karI vana-vIthikAoM para prAyaH do ghar3I taka calakara hamane eka nadI pAra kii| naukA para loga vArtAlApa kara rahe the usase jJAta huA ki hama yamunA pAra kara rahe haiM aura kauzAmbI hamArA gantavya hai| kauzAmbI nAma sunate hI mere mana meM nayI AzA kA saMcAra hone lgaa| yaha to merI mRgAvatI dIdI ke rAjya kI rAjadhAnI hai| yahIM to unakA nivAsa hai| mujhe lagA aba merI sArI vipattiyoM kA anta A gayA hai| rAjamahala taka samAcAra pahu~cane kI dera hai, phira merA uddhAra karane merI dIdI svayaM hATa meM Ane meM bhI saMkoca nahIM kregii| udayana to jaisA khar3A hogA vaisA hI apanI choTI mausI ke lie daur3A calA aaegaa| kauzAmbI ke pratApI nareza daNDita kareMge ina duSToM ko| candanA::35
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________________ aba merA bhara dukha dUra nahIM hogA, vaizAlI para se bhI dukha ke bAdala chaMTa jaaeNge| kitanI harSita hoMgI mAtA subhadrA merI kuzalatA kA samAcAra pAkara ! saca dIdI ! eka kSaNa meM hI maiMne yamunA kI laharoM para DolatI usa naukA para AzAoM-kalpanAoM kA saptakhaNDa mahala banA liyaa| aba rAjamahala taka samAcAra pahu~cAnA hI merI ekamAtra samasyA raha gayI thii| kisI prakAra utanA ho gayA to tatkAla saba ThIka ho jaaegaa| maiM usI kA upAya DhU~r3hane meM laga gyii| . yamunA tIra se kauzAmbI taka merI kalpanAe~ tIvra gati se daur3atI rhiiN| kauzAmbI pahu~cane ke pUrva kaI bAra kalpanA-ratha para maiMne isa nagara kI yAtrA kara ddaalii| jaba calI thI taba anajAne nagara taka AnA mere lie nitAnta arucikara thaa| hATa mujhe vadhasthala-sA lagatA thA jahA~ maiM balipazu-sI vivaza, balAt khIMcakara le jAyI jA rahI thii| para aba kauzAmbI mujhe trANadAtA lagane lagI thii| maiM vahA~ pahu~cane ke lie adhIra ho rahI thii| socatI thI zarIra meM paMkha hote to ur3akara hI kauzAmbI kI dharatI para utrtii| 36:: candanA
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________________ hamane kauzAmbI ke dAsI-paNya meM praveza kiyA taba tIna prahara dina bIta cukA thaa| yAtrA kI klAnti aura tapate sUrya kI uSNatA ne mujhe niDhAla kara diyA thaa| hATa laga cukI thI aura ve loga yathAzIghra merA mUlya prApta karake lauTanA cAhate the| akasmAt mere kisI paricita yA sahAyaka ke mila jAne kI AzaMkA unheM trasta kara rahI thii| hATa meM mujhe eka cabUtare para khar3A kara diyA gyaa| Asa-pAsa vikraya ke lie lAyI gayI aneka abhAginI striyA~ vahA~ pahale se upasthita thiiN| ____ maiMne pahalI bAra aisI hATa dekhI thI jahA~ pazuoM kI taraha manuSyoM kA kraya-vikraya hotA thaa| kabhI sunA thA vaizAlI meM bhI yaha saba hotA hai, para dekhane kA avasara nahIM AyA thaa| loga dekha-parakhakara apanI sevA ke upayukta dAsiyoM kA mola-bhAva kara rahe the| kahIM kahIM bolI lagAkara kraya-vikraya ho rahA thaa| kaI kretA to dAsiyoM kI deha ke avayava TaTolakara unakI Ayu aura daihika kSamatAoM kA Akalana karake dAma lagA rahe the| maiM cakita thI ki nArI ko jananI, ramaNI aura duhitA ke rUpa meM dekhane vAle samAja ne hATa meM khar3A karake usakA yaha kauna-sA rUpa raca liyA hai ? ___ mujhe Azcarya huA ki una kretAoM meM aneka striyA~ bhI thiiN| vahA~ manuSya ke nAte hama sabakI asmitA kho gayI thii| lagatA thA hama manuSya nahIM, mAtra niSprANa bhautika vastae~ haiN| hamArI durdazA meM rasa lenevAle kautakI janoM kI saMkhyA bhI vahA~ kama nahIM thii| unakI lolupa dRSTiyA~ mere tana-vadana meM kaNTaka-sI cubha rahI thiiN| unake dAhaka vyaMgya-vAkya pighale zIze kI taraha kAnoM meM dAruNa dAha utpanna kara rahe the| he bhagavana, yaha kisa naraka meM A girI hU~ maiM ? kyA likhA hai mere bhAgya meM ? sahAyatA kA eka mAtra avalamba, kauzAmbI kA rAjamahala eka bAra phira mujhe smaraNa aayaa| maiM tumase adhika dUra nahIM thI dIdI ! para usI samaya eka dUsarA vicAra mere mana meM utpanna huA maiM socane lagI-loka dekhegA ki rAjamahiSI kI sahodarA dAsI ke rUpa meM candanA :: 37
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________________ bikane ke lie hATa meM khar3I hai, usake lie bolI lagAyI jA rahI hai, taba tumhAre mAna-sammAna aura tumhAre janmajAta AbhijAtya kA kyA hogA ? kaisI kaisI carcA phailegI tumhAre kula ke bAre meM ? kyA kyA garhita nahIM sunanA par3egA hamAre udayana ko ? __maiMne pUchA apane Apase-kevala apane ahita ko TAlane ke lie apanI dIdI ke mAna-sammAna ko khaNDita karane vAlA mArga grahaNa karU~ yaha kaise aura kahA~ taka ucita hogA mere lie ? maiMne phira vicAra kiyA-vaizAlI kI rAjakumArI ke rUpa meM apane-Apa ko prakaTa kara dene para kyA merI vaizAlI ke gaurava ko hAni nahIM pahu~cegI ? aisA karake kyA mAtA subhadrA ko, apane ArAdhya vardhamAna mahAmuni kI janmadAtrI mahArAnI trizalA priyakAriNI ko aura magadha kI rAjamahiSI celanA ko bhI lokApavAda ke paMka meM Dhakela denA kyA mere lie ucita hogA ? ___ merI hI antardhvani mujhe sunAI dI-'tU to apane duSkarmoM kA phala bhoga rahI hai candanA ! parantu usameM ina sabakA kyA aparAdha ? gata janmoM meM tUne kisI kA aparAdha kiyA hogA jisakA phala tujhe mila rahA hai| aba itane janoM kI aparAdhinI banI to Age ke lie kaise-kaise karma bA~dhegI apane lie ?' taba maiMne apane Apako Adezita kiyAnahIM, nahIM cAhie mujhe kisI kI shaaytaa| mere prabhu hI aba mere eka mAtra sahAyaka haiN| jo triloka kI pIr3A haraNa karane vAle haiM, vahI merI pIr3A kA nivAraNa kreNge| maiM isI UhApoha meM khoI khar3I thii| aba taka merA dhyAna nahIM gayA thaa| sAmane bhArI AbhUSaNoM se ladI, mu~ha meM tAmbUla kA AsvAda letI, eka adher3a vAcAla mahilA ruci lekara merI deha kA nirIkSaNa-parIkSaNa kara rahI thii| logoM kI carcA para dhyAna gayA taba mujhe jJAta huA ki vaha kauzAmbI kI koI bar3I gaNikA hai| vaisI hI eka-do aura mahilAe~ bhI merI ora nihAratI vArtAlApa kara rahI thiiN| "isa navor3hA ke lie eka sahasra svrnn|" usa sthUlakAya mahilA ne merI bolI lgaayii| tatkAla eka anya mahilA ne use cunautI dI "bAraha sau svrnn|" 38: candanA
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________________ aura phira ve donoM eka-dUsare para bolI bar3hAtI gyiiN| isa prakAra merA dAma tIna sahasra svarNa mudrAoM se bhI Upara pahu~ca gyaa| aba dUsarI mahilA cupa ho gayI thii| vaha adhika mola bar3hAne kA sAhasa nahIM kara pA rahI thii| samudAya meM se kisI ne bhIla ko parAmarza diyA "yaha to bahuta adhika dAma mila rahA hai, hATa kI sabase bar3I bolI lagI hai tere 'mAla' ke lie, aba to de denA caahie|" bhIla kucha bhI bola pAtA isake pUrva, sabako cauMkAtI eka garvIlI bolI vahA~ gUMja uThI "isa kanyA ke lie pA~ca sahasra svarNa mudrAe~, ...yahIM aura isI smy|" "hai...koI aura...bar3hAne vAlA ?" ___ eka sAtha zatazaH netra usa bolI lagAnevAle kI ora utthe| mere do netra bhI haThAt unameM sammilita ho gye| zveta azvoM vAle sundara ratha para savAra vaha eka bhadra puruSa dikhAI detA thaa| usake mukha para saujanya aura AbhijAtya ke bhAva jhalakate the| kAnoM ke pIche kezoM kI zubhratA usakI variSThatA kA ghoSa kara rahI thii| usake netroM meM pavitratA aura sahAnubhUti kI jhalaka thii| na jAne kyoM mujhe vizvAsa ho gayA ki vaha isa hATa kA vyavasAyI nahIM hai| jinake madhya se bola rahA hai, vaha una sabase pRthaka koI sahRdaya aura kulIna vyakti hai| mujhe aisA lagA jaise koI devadUta merA uddhAra karane ke lie usa vipatti kAla meM prakaTa ho gayA hai| ve donoM mahilAe~ kucha anargala pralApa karatIM vahA~ se calI gyiiN| svAmI kA saMketa pAkara sevaka ne sahasra-sahasra mudrAoM kI pA~ca thailiyA~ ratha se nikAla kara vikretA ko sauMpa diiN| AzAtIta mola pAkara bhIla to nihAla ho gaye the| unakI prasannatA chipAye nahIM chipa rahI thii| bhadra puruSa kA abhivAdana karake hATa se palAyana karane meM unhoMne eka kSaNa kA bhI vilamba nahIM kiyaa| ve bhadra puruSa ratha se utare aura kucha samIpa Akara zAlInatA ke sAtha, lagabhaga Adeza bhare svara meM unhoMne mujhe sambodhita kiyA "Ao putrI ! mere sAtha ratha para baittho|" 'putrI' sambodhana sunakara mujhe aisA lagA jaise mere santapta hRdaya para kisI ne amRta-siMcana kara diyA ho| unake Adeza meM svAmitva kA ahaMkAra nahIM, mamatA candanA :: 39
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________________ kI miThAsa ghulI huI thii| phira bhI maiM sahasA kucha nirNaya nahIM kara paayii| kyA krIta dAsI ko svAmI ke sAtha ratha para baiThanA ucita hogA ? mere asamaMjasa kA anumAna karake una sajjana ne apane kA~dhe se kauzeya paTa utAra kara mujhe diyA jise maiMne unakI kRpA kI taraha or3ha liyaa| phira unake saMketa kA anusaraNa karatI maiM ratha para eka ora simaTa kara jA baitthii| svAmI ke baiThate hI ratha druta vega se rAjapatha para daur3ane lgaa| 40:: candanA
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________________ ratha eka bhavya bhavana ke sAmane rukaa| dvArapAla ne bar3hakara dvAra kholA aura hama bhavana meM A gye| vaha sArA paridRzya mere mana meM taraha taraha kI zaMkA-kuzaMkAe~ utpanna kara rahA thA, para gRhasvAmI ke mukha se uccarita 'putrI' zabda mujhe AzvAsana de rahA thaa| maiM jAnatI thI ki usa zabda kA uccAraNa buddhi se nahIM, hRdaya se huA thaa| usakI sArthakatA para zaMkA karane kA mere pAsa koI kAraNa nahIM thaa| "yamunA kahA~ hai ?" gRhasvAmI ke prazna ke uttara meM eka vRddhA kakSa meM aayii| unhoMne merI ora saMketa karake usase kahA "yamunA ! yaha bhI aba tumhAre sAtha rhegii| isake bhojana vizrAma kA tumheM dhyAna rakhanA hai|" yamunA ne sira navAkara svAmI kI AjJA ke prati sammAna jatAyA, phira haule se hAtha kA sahArA dekara mujhe apane sAtha le aayii| __ bhavana ke pichavAr3e dAsiyoM ke AvAsa the| chaha dAsiyoM meM yamunA variSTha thii| sAtavIM dAsI ke rUpa meM una bA~diyoM ne merA svAgata kiyaa| maiM socane lagI-vaizAlI meM sAta bahanoM meM sabase kaniSTha thI, merA vaha kaniSThA pada Aja bhI surakSita thaa| mere bhAgya meM tIna hI dinoM meM vaizAlI kI choTI rAjakumArI ko isa ghara kI choTI dAsI ke pada para biThA diyA hai| karmoM kI mAyA sacamuca vicitra hai| ____ jo kamA kara lAyI hU~ vaha to bhoganA hI pdd'egaa| RNa maiMne liyA hogA to aba cukAnA bhI to mujhe hI par3egA na ! ___ "apanA nAma to batAo beTI ! uTho, hAtha-mu~ha dhokara kucha khA lo| koI cintA mata kro| hamAre svAmI bar3e dayAlu haiN| isa ghara kI dAsiyoM ko bhojana-vastra Adi kA koI kaSTa nahIM hotaa| kAma kA bojha bhI adhika nahIM hai|" maiMne dRSTi uThAkara Upara dekhaa| vahI vRddhA sAmane khar3I bola rahI thii| maiMne pahalI bAra yamunA ko dhyAna se dekhaa| sapheda bAloM ke bIca usakA mukha candanA::41
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________________ Ayu kI nahIM, zAyada anubhava kI jhurriyoM se bharA thaa| usakI bhAvahIna dRSTi bhItara ke sUnepana kA paricaya detI thii| bhavana kI purAnI dAsI hone ke kAraNa zeSa dAsiyoM para usakA Adeza calatA thaa| saba use 'mausI' kahate the| mausI hAtha meM jalapAtra liye khar3I thii| usakI A~khoM meM nizchala sneha kI chAyA thii| unameM jhalakatA mAtRtva kA bhAva mujhe anakahA AzvAsana sA lgaa| usane svAmI kA nAma batAyA-'nagara seTha vRSabhasena aura seThAnI bhdraa|| ____ A~gana meM hAtha-paira dhokara jaba maiM lauTI taba taka yamunA mausI ne mere lie kucha khAdya padArtha lAkara rakha diye the| Agraha karake, eka prakAra se Adeza dekara, usane kucha khAne ke lie vivaza kara diyaa| upavana krIr3A ke lie nikalate samaya mAtA ne AgrahapUrvaka jo modaka khilAye the, usake bAda Aja tIsare dina maiM mu~ha meM anna DAla rahI thii| gRhasvAminI kA darzana sandhyA samaya huaa| svAmI bhI vahA~ upasthita the| svAminI ne mere mAtA-pitA, janma-sthAna Adi ke bAre meM jAnanA cAhA, para unakI jijJAsA kA samAdhAna maiM nahIM kara paayii| isa bIca merI A~kha bhara AyI hogI jise dekhakara unhoMne adhika jora nahIM diyaa| anta meM kucha adhika kRpA jatAte hue unhoMne mujhase kahA "tumhAre svAmI ne dekha-parakha kara tumheM pasanda kiyA hogaa| nizcinta raho, aba yahA~ tumheM ArAma milegA, koI kaSTa nahIM hogaa|" - yamunA mausI ne hamAre kartavya samajhAye aura hameM koTharI taka pahu~cA diyaa| phira dera taka hama saba Apasa meM batiyAte rhe| rAta ko yamunA mausI eka bAra phira mere pAsa aayiiN| lambI kaSTapUrNa yAtrA kI klAnti aura mausI kI saMvedanA bharI bAtoM ke mile-jule prabhAva ne mujhe zIghra hI nidrA-loka meM pahuMcA diyaa| yadi dAsatva se upajI mAnasika pIr3A ko chor3a diyA jAe to nagara seTha ke yahA~ dAsI kI dinacaryA kaSTaprada nahIM thii| sabake kAma prAyaH nizcita the| pati-patnI do kA hI parivAra thA, santAna pAne kI unakI abhilASA atRpta raha gayI thii| ghara meM sampatti apAra thI, bhoganevAlA koI nahIM thaa| mausI batAtI thI ki isa ghara meM dAsiyoM ke prati dayA kA vyavahAra hotA hai| kaI gharoM meM to unake sAtha pazu kI taraha nirdayatA kA bartAva kiyA jAtA hai| maiMne to kala hI apane-Apa ko bhAgya ke bharose chor3a diyA thaa| Aja seTha 42:: candanA
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________________ kI zaraNa meM pahu~cakara kucha aura Azvasti kA anubhava huaa| mere tana-mana ko vedhanevAle kAmuka dRSTiyoM ke zUla yahA~ nahIM the| apriya tathA pIr3A denevAle vacanoM kI bauchAra bhI yahA~ mujha para nahIM par3a rahI thii| jo bhI bhAgya meM thA use maiM cupacApa bhoga rahI thI / yathA avasara prabhunAma kA smaraNa karake apane Apako dhairya bhI dilA letii| vardhamAna mahAmuni ke smaraNa se nimiSa bhara ko zAnti prApta kara letI thI / parantu kucha dinoM meM hI jJAta ho gayA ki abhI mere durbhAgya kA anta nahIM AyA thaa| mujhe kucha pIr3Ae~ bhI bhoganI thiiN| 1 sunA karatI thI, jaba azubha karma kA udaya AtA hai taba mitra bhI zatruvat vyavahAra karane lagate haiM, jinase sukha milatA thA vahI hamAre dukha ke nimitta bana jAte haiN| Aja yaha tathya mere lie bhI sahI siddha ho rahA thA / viDambanA yaha thI ki merA zatru koI dUsarA vyakti nahIM thA, merA hI zarIra Aja merA bairI bana rahA thaa| deha kI kurUpatA se to sArA jaga dukhI hotA hai, para mere lie to merA rUpasaundarya hI nita navIna vipattiyoM aura naye-naye duHkhoM kA nimitta bana rahA thaa| merI yuvAvasthA aura rUpa ko dekhakara svAminI ke mana meM AzaMkAoM ke aMkura upajane lge| maiM to unake lie ajJAta kulazIlA, dAma dekara lAI gayI dAsI thI, para unakA pati to unheM aparicita nahIM thaa| vaha to jAnA-mAnA, sadAcArI sAdhu puruSa thA / maiM soca bhI nahIM pAtI ki jo mujhe 'putrI' kahakara isa ghara meM lAye the, unhIM bhadra puruSa ke lie unakI jIvana saMginI ke mana meM aise kutsita aura nirAdha ra vicAra kaise Aye hoMge ? kyA merA durbhAgya dUsaroM ke lie bhI lAMchana kA kAraNa bana sakatA hai ? mujha jaisI abhAginI ko vezyA ke hAtha se bacAkara ghara meM zaraNa denA, yA merI vipatti se dravita hokara putrI kI taraha merI kuzala kAmanA karanA, kyA yahI usa mahApuruSa kA aparAdha bana rahA thA ? jo bhI ho, mausI se patA lagatA rahatA thA ki bhadrA seThAnI ko isa ghara meM merA AnA acchA nahIM lagA thaa| unake pati ne merI rUpamAdhurI para mugdha hokara, apanI vAsanA pUrti ke lie hI mujhe itanI sArI svarNa mudrAe~ dekara kraya kiyA hogA, yaha kliSTa kalpanA bhadrA seThAnI ke mana meM AyI aura aba dhIre-dhIre unakI dhAraNA meM pariNata hone lagI thI / svAminI kI tIkSNa zaMkAlu dRSTi hara pala hamAre vyavahAra kI caukasI karatI rhtii| kaI bAra apane pati se ve akAraNa ruSTa hokara jhagar3ane lagatIM aura kabhI-kabhI apazabdoM kA prayoga bhI kara baiThatI thiiN| unakI dviarthaka abhadra candanA :: 43
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________________ zabdAvalI svAmI kA hRdaya to vedhatI hI hogI, mujhe bhI usase marmAntaka pIr3A pahu~catI thii| svAmI santa svabhAva ke vyakti the| unakI komalatA ke lie navanIta kI upamA phIkI siddha hogii| navanIta jaba svayaM tapta hotA hai tabhI pighalatA hai, kinta seTha vRSabhasena kA hRdaya dUsare ke tApa se dravita ho rahA thaa| ve kisI ko dukhI nahIM dekha sakate the| mausI sadA unakI dayAvRtti kA guNagAna karatI rahatI thii| aise mahAna vyakti ke cAritra para sandeha, vidhi kI viDambanA hI thii| santati kA abhAva svAmI ko sadA dukhI kie rahatA thaa| zAyada yaha unake mana kI usI riktatA kA phala thA ki unhoMne 'putrI' kahakara merA uddhAra kiyaa| mujhase vArtAlApa karate samaya unakA pitR-bhAva darzanIya banakara unake mukha para jhalakane lagatA thaa| ve mujha nirAzritA ko Azraya dekara apanI bhAvanA sAkAra kara rahe the aura maiM unakI sevA-suzrUSA karake kAla yApana karane kA prayatna kara rahI thii| svAminI kI zaMkAlu dRSTi hamAre niSpApa vyavahAra ko kisI aura hI rUpa meM dekha rahI thii| unake mana kI kAlimA jaba-taba unake vacanoM meM bhI ujAgara hone lgii| svAmI kI upasthiti meM to ve kucha saMyamita rahatIM, para jaba svAmI sAmane nahIM hote taba mere rUpa ko lekara, yA mujha para svAmI ke sahaja sneha ko lekara, unake vyaMgyavANa cAroM ora sanasanAte rahate the| nAmakarma kI zubha prakRtiyA~ bhadrA seThAnI ke udaya meM bhI paryApta dikhAI detI thiiN| vaibhavazAlinI hone ke sAtha ve eka charahare, sundara aura sAnupAtika zarIra kI bhI svAminI thiiN| parantu prakRti kA yaha vaicitrya yahA~ bhI satya siddha ho rahA thA ki 'sabako saba-kucha nahIM milatA' / unake svabhAva meM prema aura komalatA nahIM thii| prakRti ne usake sthAna para vahA~ bairabhAva, kaThoratA aura karkazatA bhara dI thii| ___ yadi daihika saundarya zIla-saujanya ke saMskAroM se susajjita na ho to devAMganA bhI 'viSa-kanyA' bana jAtI hai| bhadrA seThAnI ke svabhAva meM bhadratA kA abhAva thaa| lAlitya aura nArI-sulabha kamanIyatA kA jaisA samanvaya unakI gauravarNa deha meM thA, vaisA unake bartAva meM nahIM thaa| vahA~ zubhratA ke sthAna para kAluSya thaa| kupita hone para ve hRdaya-hInatA kI paryAya bana jAtI thiiN| svAmI apanI jIvana saMginI kI isa kaTutA ko sahaja bhAva se sahana karate the| ve kabhI patnI se jora se bole hoM, aisA maiMne nahIM sunaa| unakA mauna svAminI 44 :: candanA
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________________ ko aura mukhara kara detA thaa| mausI ne usa dina batAyA "yaha pahalI bAra nahIM ho rhaa| pUrva meM bhI svAmI ko apanI patnI kI nirmUla zaMkAoM kA zikAra honA par3A hai| yaha svAminI ke bhItara kI hIna bhAvanA kA pratIka hai| jIvana meM hatAzA ho to use vyakta hone kA koI to mArga caahie|" bhadrA seThAnI ke pAsa apanI hatAzA ke utsarga kA yahI upacAra thaa| candanA::45
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________________ usa dina madhyAhna kA samaya thaa| bhojana kI belA TalatI jA rahI thI para svAmI abhI taka lauTe nahIM the| svAminI bhojanoparAnta vizrAma ke lie calI gayI thiiN| dAsiyA~ unakI sevA meM saMlagna thiiN| maiM svAmI kI pratIkSA meM dvAra para dRSTi lagAye baiThI thii| bhojana meM vilamba ho jAne para unheM kaSTa ho jAtA thA, Aja to kucha adhika hI dera ho rahI thii| sahasA ratha kI AhaTa milI aura svAmI dvAra para dikhAI diye| sUrya kI pracaNDatA aura klAnti ke kAraNa unakA ceharA vivarNa ho rahA thA, mastaka svedasikta ho rahA thaa| maiMne Asana diyA aura jhukakara unakA pAda-prakSAlana karane lgii| unake caraNa pakhArate samaya meM soca rahI thI___'usa dina hATa meM ina caraNoM kA sahArA na milA hotA to kyA Aja maiM jIvita hotI ? kaba kI apane jIvana kA anta kara cukI hotii| ___ 'kabhI sunA thA-kalaMka lagAkara patigRha se niSkAsita aMjanA ke mAtA-pitA ne, lokApavAda se bhaya se, apanI hI putrI ke lie mahala ke dvAra banda karA diye the| ghara meM zaraNa nahIM dI thI use| 'para, eka tuma ho mere pitRvya ! tumane hATa meM nIlAma para car3hI isa abhAginI ko sabake sAmane 'kanyA' kahakara bolI lagAyI aura 'putrI' kahakara ina caraNoM meM Azraya diyaa| mere lie pUjya haiM ye caraNa, aura mahAna ho tum|' mujhe lagA dIdI ! akSaya bana jAe yaha crnndhuuli| kabhI anta na ho iskaa| aise hI pakhAratI rahU~ ye pAvana crnn| ghar3I bhara nahIM ! dina bhara nahIM ! jIvana bhr| inhIM bhAvanA-taraMgoM meM DUbatI-utarAtI maiM, bAra-bAra una caraNoM ko dhotI jA rahI thii| anajAne mere keza kA~dhe para se chiTaka kara, svAmI ke caraNoM para bikhara gye| yaha maiMne jAna-bUjha kara nahIM kiyA thA, para yaha mere mana kA hI huA thaa| mujhe lagA ThIka hI to hai, pitA apanI mamatA se beTI ke sira para chAyA karatA rahe aura beTI 46:candanA
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________________ apane keza phailAkara pitA ke caraNoM kA prokSaNa karatI rahe, yaha to honA hI caahie| caraNoM para bikharI merI kezarAzi ko, zAyada malinatA se bacAne ke vicAra se, svAmI ne hAtha se uThAyA aura mere kandhe para DAla diyaa| tabhI sahasA eka roSa bharI karkaza dhvani kakSa meM gUMjI "yamunA...! kyA dina bhara pA~va hI dhulate raheMge ?...isI se bhUkha miTa jAegI ? ...kyA Aja svAmI ko bhojana nahIM karane degI yaha mUrkhA ?" svAminI kA yaha vyaMgya-vANa chUTA to yamunA mausI kI ora thA, parantu usakA lakSya kisI se chipA nahIM thaa| vAtAyana se chipakara dekhA gayA yaha dRzya unake mana ke zaMkAkuroM ko sIMca rahA thA, unakI jar3oM kA vistAra kara rahA thaa| zaMkA, ghRNA aura DAha, upekSA aura apamAna, avahelanA aura abhiyoga, vANI ke ye sAtoM halAhala svAminI ke una tIna vAkyoM meM ghule hue the| sunakara maiM bhItara taka sihara utthii| ___viplava ke pUrva ghumar3ane vAlI ghaTAoM kI taraha garajatI svAminI kakSa ke bhItara calI gyiiN| vAtAyana ke paTa muMda gye| koI pratikriyA vyakta kiye binA svAmI bhojanagRha kI ora cle| koTharI meM Akara maiM pIr3A se karAha utthii| candanA::47
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________________ aisA kyoM ho rahA thA dIdI ! ki samaya kI hilora mujhe bahAkara jahA~-jahA~ pahu~cAtI thI, merA durbhAgya mujhase pahale vahA~ pahu~ca jAtA thaa| isa ghara meM Akara kucha surakSita apane Apako anubhava kara rahI thI, socatI thI dayAlu svAmI ke saMrakSaNa meM kAlayApana kara luuNgii| hara dAsI yaha samajhatI hai ki usake bhAgya meM svAminI kI ora se upekSA, apamAna, tiraskAra, tAr3anA, aura daNDa hI hoNge| para seThAnI ke mana kA yaha bhrama eka alaga prakAra kA trAsa thaa| maiMne kyA bigAr3A thA usa nArI kA ? mujhase kisa janama kA badalA le rahI hai bhadrA seThAnI ? __ aisI hI duzcintAoM aura saMklezoM meM chaTapaTAte dina bIta gyaa| zAma kA aMdhiyArA abhI gaharAyA nahIM thA, merI eka saMginI mujhe bulAkara nIce talaghara meM le gyii| mujhe kalpanA bhI nahIM thI ki svayaM gRha-svAminI usa sIlana bhare, a~dhere kakSa meM merI pratIkSA kara rahI haiN| mujhe dekhate hI unhoMne jaise garaja kara kahA "Ao mahArAnI ! yahA~ viraajo| -tumhAre ye keza bar3e AkarSaka haiM, Aja inakA zRMgAra karA dete haiN|" __ sunate hI kisI ajJAta bhaya se maiM kA~pa utthii| viSa-vANa kI taraha viSahare aura tIra kI taraha tIkhe svAminI ke bola mujhe bhItara taka Ahata kara gye| do-tIna aparicita nArI AkRtiyA~ usa a~dhere meM dikhiiN| eka ne hAtha khIMcakara mujhe bhUmi para bitthaayaa| dUsarI zAyada hAtha meM kartarI liye hI baiThI thI, usane tatkAla mere sAre keza katara diye| kSaNa mAtra meM merI sucikkana kezarAzi mere pairoM ke pAsa par3I thii| maiM paMkhakaTI mayUrI kI taraha virUpA banI dAsatA kI vivazatA kA vedana kara rahI thii| keza nArI deha kA anupama alaMkAra hai, siMha ke jhapaTane para prANa lekara bhAgatI huI / sauMrI gAya kA puccha kuntala, jhAr3iyoM meM ulajhatA hai, 48 :: candanA
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________________ taba vaha siMha kA grAsa bana jAtI hai, para keza khokara prANa bacAnA svIkAra nahIM karatI / mujhe to aisA bhI koI avasara nahIM milA thA / abhI svAminI kI nirdayatA kA anta nahIM huA thA, nirdoSa nirIha dAsI ke lie kopAviSTa svAminI kA yaha antima puraskAra nahIM thA / guhA jaise rahasyamaya usa kakSa meM eka lauha-zrRMkhalA jar3I thI / usI ke chora para lagI ber3I mere paira meM pahanAyI gayI / aba taka maiM dAsI thI, aba 'bandinI - bA~dI' bana gayI / isa prakAra merI deha kA ApAdamastaka zRMgAra ho gayA, phira jAtI huI kruddha svAminI ke zabda kAnoM meM TakarAye - " havelI meM bahuta rAja kara liyA rAnI jI ! aba apane svAmI ke lauTane taka isa rAjamahala meM vizrAma kareM / " dUsare kSaNa kapATa banda hone kI karkaza dhvani sunAI dI, phira nistabdhatA chA gayI / kakSa meM andhakAra ghanIbhUta ho gayA / eka kSaNa pahale taka jisakI kalpanA nahIM thI, dAruNa dukha kA vaisA AghAta mujha para huA thA / isa apratyasita AghAta ne mujhe sarvAdhika vedanA pahu~cAyI thI / merA apaharaNa karanevAle vidyAdhara ne, mujhe pAne kA prayAsa karanevAle aura dAsI banAkara becanevAle bhIloM ne, tathA dhanArjana ke lobha meM merI bolI lagAne vAlI gaNikAoM ne, kula milAkara mujhe jo pIr3A pahu~cAyI thI, usase kaI gunI pIr3A Aja svAminI ke krUra vyavahAra ne mujhe dI thI / una tInoM ne bhale hI merA satItva naSTa karane kA prayAsa kiyA, kintu mujha para 'caritrahInA' kA lAMchana kisI ne nahIM lagAyA thA, mere zIla ko kisI ne zaMkA kI dRSTi se nahIM dekhA thA / Aja svAminI ne 'patita aura vyabhicAriNI' mAnakara mujhe yaha daNDa diyA hai, candanA :: 49
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________________ isa nikRSTa abhiyoga se maiM talimilA utthii| daNDa dene ke pahale koI eka bAra pratikAra kA avasara to detaa| maiM agnikuNDa meM kUdakara isa asatya-abhiyoga ko bhasmIbhUta krtii| kaise sahU~ yaha anyAya...? aisA apamAna...? itanI vyathA...? kahA~ se lAU~ vaha dhIraja jo vipadA ke isa sAgara ko tira sake ? kahA~ jAU~ ?...kisase kahU~ ?...kauna sunegA merI pukAra ? he trizalAnandana ! abhI aura kyA-kyA bhoganA hai tumhArI isa dAsI ko ? isakA uddhAra karo karuNAnidhAna ! anyathA zaraNaM nAsti, tvamekaM zaraNaM mama, ...tvamekaM... ... ...zaraNaM... ... ...mama... 50 :: candanA
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________________ 11 gavAkSa se prakAza kI kiraNoM ne praveza kiyA taba taka maiM tIna bAra sammedAcala kI vandanA kara cukI thI / tana hI to bandI thA, mana to svatantra thaa| tIna bAra pArasa prabhu kI nirvANabhUmi para khar3e hokara unheM pukAra cukI thI / socatI thI jisa sthAna para khar3I hU~ lokAnta meM usI ke ThIka Upara to virAja rahe haiM pArasa prabhu / unakI kRpA barasa rahI hai mere Upara / mana ke aise vizvAsa se upajI prabhu kRpA kI kiraNoM se mere saMkleza ke bAdala cha~Ta gaye / duHkhAvega zAnta ho gayA / samatA ke sAtha maiMne apane apriya yathArtha ko svIkAra kara liyA / jaba hameM jJAta hI nahIM hai dIdI, ki pichale bhava-bhavAntaroM se kitanA duSkarma hama apane sAtha bA~dhakara lAye haiM, taba isa janma meM, udaya kI balavattA ko svIkAra karake, jo sAmane Ave use bhoganA hI to upAya hai hamAre pAsa / Azcarya to yaha hai ki yaha saba jAnate hue bhI, azubhodaya ke kAla meM mana asthira kyoM ho jAtA hai ? pariNAma kyoM viSama ho jAte haiM ? usa kSaNa hamArI samatA kahA~ kho jAtI hai ? taba mana kA dhIraja kahA~ vilIna ho jAtA hai ? isa mana kI thiratA kA upAya kyA hogA ? vicAradhArA ko tanika virAma dekara aba maiMne bhadrA seThAnI dvArA dI gayI kArA kA avalokana kiyaa| kakSa bar3A thA, cAroM ora sIlana aura durgandha kA sAmrAjya thaa| sambhavataH varSoM se isameM mAnava kA vAsa nahIM huA thaa| DAMsa, mazaka aura unake kucha sahavAsI nirbhIka vicara rahe the| paira meM ber3I hote hue bhI lambI zrRMkhalA ke kAraNa kakSa ke pIche taka jAne kI suvidhA thI, sA~sa ghuTane kA bhaya bhI nahIM thA aura dainika kriyAoM kI samasyA bhI nahIM thI / mujhe lagA - merI suvidhA kA pUrA dhyAna rakhA gayA hai, kitanI dayAlu haiM merI svAminI ! merA karmodaya hI merI duravasthA kA mUla kAraNa hai / candanA : 51
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________________ dUsare to kevala nimitta haiM, unakA kucha doSa nhiiN| sanmati mahAmuni unheM sanmati pradAna kareM, mujhe isa dazA meM rahane kI zakti deM, samatA se udaya ko sahane kI zakti deN| madhyAhna meM mausI bhojana lekara aayii| kodoM kA rUkhA bhAta aura chAcha kA sakorA sAmane rakhakara unhoMne pIr3A bhare svara meM kahA___ "Aja isI se santoSa karanA hogA beTI ! tuma cintA mata karanA, alpa kAla kI bAta hai| svAmI ke lauTate hI saba ThIka ho jaaegaa|" maiMne unakI AtmIyatA ke lie kRtajJatA jatAyI, aura kucha nahIM khaa| para tabhI mere mana meM vicAra AyA jahA~ kSudhA-nivRtti hI abhiprAya ho vahA~ bhojya padArthoM ke nAma-rUpa, gandha-sparza aura svAda, saba aprAsaMgika haiN| inakA koI artha nhiiN| vardhamAna mahAmuni ke bAre meM bhI yahI to sanA thAdinoM-pakSoM-mahInoM ke antara se, deha-poSaNa ke lie nahIM, tapa-vRddhi ke lie, zrAvaka ke dvAra paraanuddiSTa - nirupadrava, ayAcita aura pavitra, nirdoSa aura nIrasa bhojana svIkArate haiN| 'gartapUraNa' aura 'agnizamana' kI dRSTi banAkara, jo jitanA aMjurI meM A jAe, usI meM santuSTa ho jAte haiN| yadi dasa-gyAraha varSa se una tapasvI ke AhAra kA yaha krama hai to kyA maiM dasa pA~ca dina bhI vaisA nahIM nibhA sakU~gI ? nibhA sakatI hU~ aura avazya nibhAU~gI maiN| bahuta dekha liyA hai alpakAla meM, bar3e anubhava prApta kara liye haiM choTI-sI avadhi meN| isa kArA se yadi jIvita nikala sakI, 52 :: candanA
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________________ to maiM bhI vahI mArga apnaauuNgii| usI pANi-pAtrI kI zaraNa meM jaauuNgii| aisA saMkalpa karake maiMne eka bAra punaH pukArA apane nAtha ko'yaha lohe kI ber3I svAmI kI kRpA se kaTa jAegI, parantu karmoM kI ber3I tumhArI kRpA ke binA nahIM kaTegI...mahAvIra ! aneka janmoM meM bhI nahIM kaTa paaegii| mujhe tumhArI kRpA kI kora cAhie...varddhamAna ! jAnatI hU~ mahAmuni ! tuma mere uddhAra ke lie yahA~ nahIM Aoge, para maiM tumhArI zaraNa meM aauuNgii| Aja nahIM to kala, bhava meM nahIM to bhavAntara meM, avazya-avazya AU~gI maiN| anyathA zaraNaM nAsti, tvamekaM zaraNaM mama, tvamekaM... ...zaraNaM... ...mama... phira maiM vicAratI rahI kucha aise bhI to abhAge hote haiM jinheM udarAgni zamana ke lie kodoM kA bhAta aura chAcha bhI hara dina kahA~ milatA hai| kSudhA-jvAla meM jalakara hI unakI deha bhasma hotI rahatI hai| unase to abhI bhI acchA hai merA bhaagy| belA bIta rahI thI ataH jaise-taise do-cAra grAsa peTa meM DAle aura chAcha pIkara maiMne apanI kSudhA-tRSA donoM pIr3AoM kA upacAra kara liyaa| candanA :: 53
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________________ bandIgRha ke dina kaSTaprada bhale hI rahe parantu vahA~ zAnti thii| maiMne anubhava kiyA ki manuSya ko Atma-nirIkSaNa ke lie tapovana ke atirikta yadi koI sthAna upayukta ho sakatA hai to vaha bandIgRha ho sakatA hai| apane Apako bAhya jagata ke paridRzya se kATakara antarmukhI cintana ke lie, aura apane sva ke sAkSAtkAra ke lie, jaisA nirvighna ekAnta cAhie, bhadrA seThAnI ke talaghara kA vAtAvaraNa vaisA hI thaa| ____ mere lie svAminI kA diyA daNDa abhizApa ke sthAna para varadAna siddha huaa| vahA~ baiThakara pratidina bAra-bAra anuprekSAoM kA cintavana huaa| isase mana ke sAre bhrama TUTa gaye, sArI duvidhAe~ jAtI rhiiN| tIna janama lekara jitanA bhogA jA sakatA hai, utanA saba tIna dina meM bhogakara maiM usa bhavana meM gayI thii| una sAre kaTu anubhavoM ne mujhe loka-bhAvanA para vicAra karane ke aneka AyAma diye the| una anubhavoM meM jo kamI raha gayI thI use svAminI kI vakra dRSTi ne pUrA kara diyA thaa| __ bandIgRha kI jIvana-caryA sunizcita thii| koI kAma nahIM, koI vighna nahIM koI bhaya nhiiN| maiMne vahA~ ina ekAkI kSaNoM meM jIne kA saMkalpa kiyA, aura vahA~ ke hara pala, hara kSaNa ko cintana meM lagAkara sArthaka karane kA prayatna kiyaa| bAra-bAra socatI rahI ki maiM pahalI nArI nahIM hU~ jisake satItva para vipadA AyI ho| maiM akelI nahIM thI jise alIka lAMchana lagAkara daNDita kiyA gayA ho| mAtRtva kA bhAra vahana karatI mahAsatI sItA ke niSkAsana, lokApavAda aura agni-parIkSA kI kathA kauna nahIM jAnatA ? usa vipatti kAla meM, jaba kahIM zaraNa nahIM thI taba, unhoMne dharma kI zaraNa lekara hI to vaha AghAta sahA thaa| ____ aMjanA satI ko bhI kalaMka lagAkara ghara-parivAra se niSkAsita kara diyA gayA thaa| bar3I AzA lekara ve apane pitA kI zaraNa meM gayI thIM, para vipatti ke samaya koI sahAI nahIM hotaa| jisake garbha meM tadbhava mokSagAmI, atizaya puNyazAlI jIva pala rahA thA, usa mahAsatI aMjanA ke lie usake mAtA-pitA ne apane dvAra banda 54 :: candanA
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________________ kara liye the| taba aMjanA ne yahI vicAra to kiyA thA ki-jaba saMsAra meM sahAyatA ke sAre dvAra banda ho jAte haiM taba bhI dharma kA dvAra sabhI jIvoM ke lie khulA rahatA hai| vaha kabhI kisI ke lie banda nahIM hotaa| dharma kI zaraNa meM jIva kA kalyANa hai| mujhe bhI usI kI zaraNa meM jAnA caahie| __abhI taka maiM jIvana kI paridhi meM hI socA karatI thI, bandIgRha meM mujhe pahalI bAra maraNa-vijJAna kA bodha huaa| vaha avasara na milatA to saMsAra-deha aura bhogoM se Asakti TUTanA sambhava nahIM thaa| janmAntara se mana meM basI vAsanAoM kA mUloccheda sahaja-zakya nahIM hotaa| ____ bhadrA seThAnI ne asthira cittavAlI durbala, AtaMkita aura santapta jisa candanA ko bandIgRha meM DAlA thA, vaha abalA vahIM vilIna ho gayI thii| mahAvIra ke caraNAnurAga se ba~dhI, bandIgRha se bAhara AnevAlI maiM, vaha pahale vAlI durbala candanA nahIM thii| aba maiM dRr3ha-saMkalpita aura prabhu-zaraNAgata, sarvathA navIna, eka dUsarI hI candanA thii| merI sArI durbalatAe~ vahA~ gala gayI thIM, sAre AtaMka jala gaye the| mAnasika santApa kA mere antara meM koI cihna bhI aba zeSa nahIM thaa| saca mAno dIdI ! usa talaghara meM tumhArI candana kA nayA janma huaa| vahIM maiMne jIvana kA lakSya nirdhArita kara liyA, aura bhaviSya kI dizA bhI sunizcata kara lii| vahA~ eka hI mantra merI sA~soM meM aharniza gUMjatA thA _ 'sAhu saraNaM pavvajjAmi, kevalIpaNNattaM dhamma saraNaM pvvjjaami|' candanA :: 55
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________________ 13 kala rAta mausI yaha samAcAra sunAkara gayI - "sanmati mahAmuni kauzAmbI ke vana meM padhAre haiN| jisa dina bhI AhAra ke lie nikalate haiM, nirAhAra lauTa jAte haiM / unakI vidhi kahIM bhI milatI nahIM hai / " ke Agamana kA vRtta jAnakara vikala ho uThIprabhu maiM 'mere ArAdhya padhAre haiM ? isI nagarI meM vicaraNa kara rahe haiM ? kitanI bhAgyavatI hU~ maiM / zrIcaraNa isa kArA taka A nahIM sakate, bandinI una taka jA nahIM sakatI / kaisI abhAginI hU~ maiN| kaisA vicitra hai merA prArabdha ? maiM adhIra ho uThI dIdI ! kyA itane nikaTa Akara bhI ve itane dUra bane raheMge ? kyA abhI bhI darzana nahIM kara pAU~gI apane vardhamAna kA ? upavAsa kA vrata to liyA nahIM, - phira isa prakAra pratidina nirAhAra kyoM lauTa jAte haiM ? kauna-sI kaThina vidhi aMgIkAra kara lI hai prabhu ne ? kahA~ milegA usa vidhi kA saMyoga ? kise milegA unheM AhAra dene kA avasara ? kauna hogA vaha bhAgyazAlI ?" 56 :: candanA maiM mahAvIra ke cintana meM DUba gayI / merI cetanA meM kisI anya vicAra kA praveza sambhava nahIM rahA / nidrA bhI hara bAra dUra se hI lauTa jAtI / 'isa samaya kahA~ virAjate hoMge mere nAtha ? kisa cintana meM lIna hoMge ?
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________________ kyA Aja bhI nirAhAra lauTeMge kauzAmbI ke rAjapatha se ? kyA unakI eka jhalaka pA sakU~gI Aja ?' nahIM, kalpanA ke AkAza aura yathArtha kI dharA meM bar3I dUrI hotI hai| bar3I-bar3I nadiyA~ aura parvata bIca meM hote haiN| isIlie to kalpanA aura yathArtha kabhI milate nhiiN| eka-dUsare se dUra hI bane rahate haiN| maiM dharatI para khar3I, nahIM, maiM kArA meM par3I muktAkAza ke sapane dekha rahI hU~, kyA yaha pAgalapana nahIM hai ? ___ sahasA talaghara ke paTa khule aura merA bhojana lekara mausI ne praveza kiyaa| maiM unheM dekhakara cauMka utthii| kyA itanA samaya bIta gayA hai merI vicAra-yAtrA meM ? kitane divAsvapna dekha DAle haiM Aja maiMne ? __ "uTho, yaha bhAta abhI banAyA hai maiMne, abhI khAyA to besvAda nahIM lgegaa| rakhA rahA to rUkSatA bar3ha jAegI, Aja phira yoM hI chor3a dogii| kala kucha nahIM khAyA tumne| "hamAre svAmI Aja lauTa rahe haiN| cintA mata karo, aba adhika vilamba nahIM hai tumhArI mukti meN|" - mausI kI zabdAvalI sneha meM sanI thii| mujhe lagA unheM svAmI ke Ane kI utanI prasannatA nahIM thI jitanI merI mukti kI kalpanA se ve prasanna ho rahI thiiN| bhojana kA pAtra alinda meM rakhakara mausI lauTa gyiiN| banda hote kapAToM kI karkaza-dhvani ne eka bAra punaH mujhe merI sImAoM kA bhAna karA diyaa| __hAtha-mu~ha dhokara baiThI taba acAnaka mujhe dhyAna AyA, abhI to dina kA dUsarA prahara hI hai| yaha to sAdhu kI AhAra-velA hai| mere ArAdhya bhI caryA ke lie nikala rahe hoNge| Aja yadi svAmI yahA~ hote aura maiM nirbandha hotI, to unase AjJA lekara nagara meM jAtI mahAvIra ke darzana ke lie| dekhatI ve kaise lauTate haiM nirAhAra ? kyoM nahIM milatI unakI vidhi ? candanA :: 57
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________________ acAnaka kakSa kA mukhya dvAra khulaa| svAmI hI dvAra para khar3e the| ahobhAgya, tuma A gaye mere pitRvya ! mere saMrakSaka ! "maiM tumhArA aparAdhI hU~ putrI ! saMrakSaka banakara jaise tumheM yahA~ lAyA vaise tumhArI rakSA nahIM kara skaa| he bhagavAna ! yaha tumhAre paira meM ber3I ? kitanI krUratA huI hai mere ghara meM, merI putrI ke sAtha ?" ve ulTe pA~va lauTa pdde| yamanA ko beDI kholane kA Adeza haA, para kaMcikA to svAminI ke pAsa thii| ve kisI anya gRha meM bhojanArtha gayI thiiN| ___ "lauhakarmI ko lAkara ber3I kaTavAnA hogI" kahate hue svAmI svayaM tIvra gati se bAhara kI ora cale gye| sevaka dvArA bhI lauhakarmI bulavAyA jA sakatA hai, yaha socane kA samaya unake pAsa nahIM thaa| eka kSaNa bhI merI dayanIya dazA unheM sahya nahIM thii| mamatA aura dayA kA sAgara laharA rahA thA unake bhiitr| anAyAsa kaisA suyoga bana gayA thA dIdI ! mukhya dvAra khulA thaa| Aja kaI dinoM ke uparAnta maiM rAjapatha kI jhalaka pA rahI thii| sAdhu-caryA kA vahI to samaya thaa| vardhamAna mahAmuni bhI caryA ke lie vicara rahe hoNge| yadi isI mArga se nikale taba unakI eka jhalaka to mila hI jaaegii| merI pyAsI A~kheM tRpta ho jaaeNgii| maiM kalpanAoM meM kho gyii| dUra se 'mahAvIra kI jaya' kA nAda sunAI diyaa| Aja khula hI gayA merA bhAgya, A rahe haiM mahAmuni merI hI or| lagA, daur3akara rAjapatha para pahu~ca jaauuN| aisA apUrva avasara milA hai, ise khonA nahIM hai| kahIM yaha kSaNa nikala na jaae| parantu, kyA khAlI hAtha jAU~gI unake sAmane ? nahIM !... nahIM !!... nahIM !!!... yaha nahIM hogA ! 58 :: candanA
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________________ jhapaTakara maiMne bhAta kA sakorA uThAyA aura rAjapatha kI ora daur3a pdd'ii| usa nimiSa maiM saba kucha bhUla gayI thii| basa, eka hI dhuna samAyI thI mere mana meM ki Aja nirAhAra nahIM lauTane dU~gI apane ArAdhya ko / jaise bhI mAneMge, mnaauuNgii| jaise bhI leMge, cAra grAsa to dekara hI rahU~gI unakI aMjurI meM / I dvAra lA~gha rahI thI ki pA~va kI ber3I ne apanI sImA jatA dii| bandhana meM jakar3A dUsarA pA~va dvAra ke bhItara hI aTaka gyaa| maiM kalpanA ke AkAza se yathArtha kI dharatI para A girii| eka hI kSaNa meM merA sapanA cUra-cUra ho gayA / jayakAre kI dhvani nikaTatara A rahI thI, mana kahatA thA ur3akara patha ke pAsa pahu~ca jAU~ / para tana to bandhana meM thA / ekAeka dRSTi ne kahA 'maiM asIma kI sImA dekha letI hU~, mujhe jakar3a sake aisI ber3I kA srajana hI nahIM huA / ' aura vaha darzana kI pyAsI dRSTi, palaka jhapakate patha ke pAsa pahu~ca gayI / nikaTa Ate bhikSu ko usane paridhi meM bA~dha liyA / taba vANI cillAyI 'maiM tInoM loka nApa sakatI hU~, maiM kyoM kArA kI bandinI rahU~ ?" aura mere mukha se haThAt hI nikala par3A he svAmin !... namostu ! ... namostu ! ... namostu ! dvAra para mahAyogI rukate se lage, maiM AzA se bhara uThI, ki tabhI ve kaThora caraNa Age bar3hate dikhe / maiMne pUrI zakti se Tera lagAyI ' tumhAre lie bhI maiM patitA hU~ mahAvIra ? dAsI kI ora nahIM nihAroge, o patitapAvana !' kahate-kahate palakoM para azru jhalaka Aye / ye azru bar3e haThIle haiM dIdI ! jaba taka koI pArakhI sAmane na dikhe, candanA :: 59
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________________ koTara se bAhara nahIM niklte| kRpAsindhu svAmI ke svAgata kI pratIkSA meM, jAne aba taka kisa kone meM chipe the ? pIr3ita kI pukAra ne yogI ko bA~dha liyA, mahAmuni kA dAsI para punaH dRSTipAta huaa| merI sadya-sajjA vidhi ke anurUpa rahI hogI, maiM muNDita kezA, malina mukhI, eka paga bandhana meM, dUsarA svtntr| eka nayana ullasita, dUsare meM azru, mATI ke sakore meM kodoM kA bhAta, AvAhana mudrA meM uThe hue haath| lauTe karuNAnidhAna aura...mujha dukhiyA ke ...sAmane...Thahara gye| pradakSiNA dene calI taba dhyAna gayA dIdI ! jAne kyA camatkAra ghaTita ho gayA thA, merA paira bandhana se mukta, maiM svatantra thI, mastaka para dIrgha keza laharA rahe the| sadyaHsnAtA-sI nirmala, divya vastroM meM sajI, sakore ke sthAna para svarNa pAtra liye hue prabhu ke sAmane khar3I maiM unakI aMjurI meM grAsa de rahI thii| prabhu Agamana se yaha saba ghaTita huA ? yA atizaya hI unake padhArane kA hetu banA ? yA donoM ghaTanAe~ sAtha-sAtha ghaTatI gayIM ? batAnA kaThina hai, para itanA kaha sakatI hU~bhakti meM acintya-apAra zakti hotI hai| AhAra sampanna hone meM samaya nahIM lgaa| maiMne saMkalpa sAkAra karane meM bhI vilamba nahIM kiyaa| 60 :: candanA
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________________ saMgha kI zaraNa meM svayaM ko samarpita kara, jisa kSaNa maiMne mahAvIra kA AzIrvAda pAyA, vahI mere jIvana kA sarvottama kSaNa thaa| 'bar3e antarAla se vardhamAna mahAmuni kI pAraNA huI hai' dharA se gagana taka harSa phaila gyaa| vAyu surabhita ho uThI, nabha se puSpa barasane lge| yaha suyoga pAkara maiM kRtakRtya ho gyii| merA jIvana saphala ho gyaa| loga mere bhAgya ko sarAhate, prazaMsA karane lge| kSaNa bhara meM jana-samUha ekatrita hone lgaa| isI bIca maiMne tumheM bhI vahA~ dekhaa| dIdI ! tumhArA mAna rakhane ko maiMne sArA manogata vyakta kara diyaa| smRtiyoM ko zabdoM meM bA~dhakara tumheM sauMpa diyaa| anta meM kauzAmbI kI mahArAnI se anunaya haiina ghaTanAoM meM kisI ko doSI na mAnA jAe, kisI ko daNDita / pratAr3ita na honA pdd'e| zubhAzubha donoM hI karmoM ke kautuka haiM, anya saba nimitta haiM, kisI kA kucha doSa nhiiN| karma-phala bhogane ko hama saba vivaza haiM, maiMne bhI apanA hI karmodaya bhogA hai| basantamitra-manovegA, bhIla aura bhIlanI, bhadrA aura vRSabhadatta, kevala nimitta haiM, unakA aparAdha nhiiN| bhIla kauzAmbI nahIM lAtA to vana meM maraNa nizcita thaa| durlabha paryAya hI nirarthaka ho jaatii| candanA :: 61
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________________ seThAnI talaghara meM bandinI banAne kI, muNDana karAne kI kRpA nahIM karatI to, mahAmuni kI caryA kA nimitta kahA~ milatA ? aura phira kodoM kA bhAta kauna detA ? ina sabake kAraNa hI rAga meM DUbI huI yaha abodha bAlikA virAga ke sahAre prabhu-caraNoM meM pahu~ca skii| saba mere mitra haiM, zatru aba koI nahIM, Apase, una sabase kSamA yAcanA hai, auraprArthanA hai Aja saba mujhako kSamA kreN| sabake prati mere antara meM kSamA bhAva hai, dIdI !...aba vidA do, ...bahuta dUra...jAnA hai| prAcI meM uSA kI lAlimA jhalakane lagI, sUryodaya hone meM kSaNa bhara kI dera thii| gopura meM maMgala vAdya bajane lage the, tabhI udayana ne ratha lAkara dvAra para lagA diyaa| DOD 62 :: candanA
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________________ nIraja jaina nA para nIraja jaina lagabhaga paccIsa varSoM se jaina-vidyA para likhane/bolanevAloM meM jAnA-pahacAnA nAma hai| gomaTeza-gAthA ke lekhana se unhoMne paurANika AkhyAnoM ko Adhunika bhASA aura navIna paddhati meM prastuta karane kA jo abhinava prayAsa kiyA use pAThakoM kI sarAhanA milI hai| unakI anya pustakeM - rakSAbandhana, parama digambara gomaTezvara, ahiMsA aura aparigraha, karmana kI gati nyArI tathA mAnavatA kI dhurI bhI lokapriya huI haiN| kucheka pustakeM marAThI, gujarAtI, kannar3a evaM tamila meM anUdita hokara A cukI haiN| tIrthakara mahAvI te nyArI tathA mAnavatA kI dhurI bhI TA zrI jaina kI navI, tAmatI, kannar3a evaM tamila meM 0veM janma-kalyANaka varSa ke avasara samparka : zAntitA kI dhurI bhI hAsatI candanA para 485 001 naM tumila meM 0veM janma-kalyANa bhAratIya jJAnapITha sthApanA : san 1944 uddezya jJAna kI vilupta, anupalabdha aura aprakAzita sAmagrI kA anusandhAna aura prakAzana tathA lokahitakArI maulika sAhitya kA nirmANa saMsthApaka sva. sAhU zAntiprasAda jaina sva. zrImatI ramA jaina adhyakSa zrImatI indu jaina kAryAlaya : 18, insTITyUzanala eriyA, lodI roDa, nayI dillI-110 003