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be likened to wearing spectacles with a type of bi-focal lens. On the one hand, we can focus on the scale of the wrong that someone has done and at the same time-we also see and contribute to the loveliness, life and wellbeing of the wrongdoers.
The act of forgiveness is something everyone can learn, though it usually takes time. Genuine forgiveness rather than mere excusing someone is the hardest action in the whole world. We are all fairly good at excusing minor annoyances, but when we are hurt unfairly and deeply by someone we love forgiveness often seems almost impossible. Many divorces occur due to a long series of minor and major hurts that the people concerned never forgave. The bare essence of forgiveness is being willing to give up the resentment and the desire to punish, and to give up the anger that you feel towards a person or an act.
Forgiveness is not merely a soft attitude toward a harsh act; forgiveness is the vital action of love, seeking to restore the harmony that has been shattered. Forgiveness means that we are not going to allow the experiences of the past to dominate our future.
Steps of forgiveness
a. Remembering in detail what happened and how it made you feel b. Understanding the other person
c. Identifying the reasons that prevent you from being forgiving.
d. Choosing to accept the responsibility for your life and choosing to detech yourself from your expectations and the reasons that keep you from being forgiving
e. Creating the act of release as a ritual of letting go and forgiving, for example, shaking hands, hugging, burning lists of what the others person did wrong. Clinical psychology has focused primarily on the diagnosis and treatment of mental disease, and only recently has scientific attention turned to understanding and cultivating positive mental health. Quality of life has been used interchangeably with such terms as well-being, psychological well-being, happiness, life-satisfaction, positive and negative effect, and the good life (Cheng, 1988, Evans, 1994, George, 1992). Well-being is not just about the lack of disease or illness or the absence or anxiety or depression. Well-being is a state of complete physical, mental and social health. In 1958 the public health specialist Dr. Halbert L Dunn wrote about 'high level' wellness. He recognised that this would only be achieved if we could stop being obsessed with disease, cure and prevention and move towards 'positive health; Psychological well-being is the state of feeling healthy and happy, having satisfaction, relaxation, pleasure, and peace of mind. psychological well-being
Arhat Vacana, 24 (1), 2012
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