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DISCOURSE 35
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circle of distress, mental suffering, misunderstandings and quarrels will start. If the preferences of the husband and wife are disparate, every day, they will have to experience agitations. If the husband likes to show off his affluence and if the wife likes simplicity, conflicts arise. If the husband likes excellent dishes and drinks and if the wife prefers austerity, and severity and abstinence, conflicts arise. Conflicts arise between them if the husband prefers to visit the temple and the Upashray; and if the wife prefers to see movies, dramas and circuses. That is why I say that between the husband and the wife, there should be the parity of preferences, and that you should think of this point before you settle their marriage.
If you have a knowledge of human psychology; and if you can change the likes and dislikes of your wife to suit your preferences, there is no worry, but do you have that knowledge and that patience which are necessary for such a task ? Are you trained in the art of changing the likes and dislikes of others to suit your own. Remember that you cannot change the ways or the preferences of others by chiding them or by shouting at them. You cannot change their likes and dislikes by punishing them or by beating them.
From the Audience: This is the situation that prevails in our families !
Maharajashri: Have you been able to change the ways and preferences of others by such methods ? No. Yet you are not prepared to change your wrong ways and methods. Recently a certain gentleman told me that his wife insisted upon his performing spiritual austerities and that she pressed him thus, "I am performing spiritual austerities; so, you too must join me in performing these austerities; you must!" But he could not perform spiritual austerities; he had no taste for them. So he said to his wife, “You can perform those austerities. I do not come in your way but I am unable to perform them. Do not insist upon my performing those austerities. After completing your austerities, you tell me and I will spend a few thousands for noble purposes if you want, but I cannot perform spiritual austerities".
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