________________
Aptavani-2
383
384
Aptavani-2
This very ego makes people miserable. When you look at all the stages of spiritual development, starting from the first through the twelfth, you will understand that the ego has caused nothing but misery. Such an ego is a mad ego. It makes a person believe he is superior and yet others around him will not think so. That is a mad ego; it is an ugly ego. The Chakravarti emperors used to have an ego too, but it was a malleable ego. One could mold it anyway one wanted. People accept such ego; it is a wise ego, whereas the other is mad and foolish ego. We can ask this ego, "When have you ever been at peace?"
Where will you find people who are thrilled to see you and welcome you warmly telling you they could not do without you? Instead, people will say, "Everything was fine until he showed up!" You have suffered endless insults. What good is such an ego? Why would you protect such an ugly ego? Why would you take sides with it?
The ego should be wonderful people should like it and it should be malleable. You should ask the ego, "Show me your record book. Show me instances where people have given you respect. Show me where you have suffered insults. What kind of happiness have you received? Has anyone ever held you in high regard?" His father and brothers will also say, "He is worthless!" So ask the ego, "Have you won anyone's heart?" Even if one were special to just a few people, the ego would be considered good, but wherever he goes, people think, 'It would be nice if he goes away. That is an ugly ego. People may not say anything to his face, but in their minds they say, 'What is it to me? He will meet his death through his bad deeds. 'Everyone thinks of their own benefit except the Gnani Purush; the Gnani is the only one who will tell it to you straight.
The ego that begets you a hearty welcome time after time is an ego that is wise. But what use is the mad ego that will beget you a hearty welcome the first time, but on subsequent
occasions people will call you useless and tell you to get out?
People will not associate with you if they feel they will lose their reputation. 'What would be my worth?" they fear. This kind of ego is mad and foolish. Before Gnan I too had an ego, but it was a wise ego. I was dear to several people. And there would be at least four cars parked in front of my house everyday. But even then the ego used to bother me and I felt that if the ego were to leave, then I would be the king of this world. The ego should be beautiful. What is the point of having a beautiful body and an ugly ego? You can make do with an ugly body but the ego should not be ugly. Many people have ugly faces, but their ego is so beautiful that people will welcome them with open arms, 'Welcome sir. Come in.'
What is the need for the ego? How can we even keep it alive? The one that has made you miserable for infinite lives is nothing but an enemy. Why must you abandon your position as the ruler of the world and delve into petty things like this is mine' and this is yours?
The ego is a crazy thing you should not accept it even if someone were to give it to you for free. You have to remain in the Self, you have to become the Self and the moment the mad ego arises, throw it out. No intoxication of ego where there is Atmagnan
Kavi has written: "Atmagnan saral sidhu, sahaj thaye chhakey nahi.' "Atmagnan is simple and straightforward, it will not go astray
if you remain natural and spontaneous." If the Atmagnan of the vitarag becomes natural and spontaneous; if you attain true Gnan, then it will not cause intoxication. If you attain the Soul the vitarag bestows, then there will be no intoxication. But when others give you Gnan, the
