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This reading whetted my appetite for studying the lives of other religious teachers. A friend recommended Carlyle's Heroes and Hero- Worship. I read the chapter on the Hero as a prophet and learnt of the Prophet's greatness and bravery and austere living.
Beyond this acquaintance with religion could not go at the moment, as reading for the examination left me scarcely any time for outside subjects. But I took mental note of the fact that I should read more religious books and acquaint myself with all the principal religions.
And how could I help knowing something of atheism too? Every Indian knew Bradlaugh's name and his so-called atheism. I read some book about it, the name of which I forget. It had no effect on me, for I had already crossed the Sahara of atheism. Mrs. Besant who was then very much in the limelight, had turned to theism from atheism. I had read her book How I became a Theosophist.
It was about this time that Bradlaugh died. He was buried in the Working Cemetery. I attended the funeral, as I believe every Indian residing in London did. A few clergymen also were present to do him the last honours. On our way back from the funeral we had to wait at the station for our train. A champion atheist from the crowd heckled one of these clergymen. 'Well sir, you believe in the existence of God?'
'I do,' said the good man in a low tone.
'You also agree that the circumference of the Earth is 28,000 miles, don't you?' said the atheist with a smile of self-assurance. 'Indeed.' 'Pray tell me then the size of your God and where he may be?'
"Well, if we but knew, He resides in the hearts of us both.'
"Now, now, don't take me to be a child,' said the champion with a triumphant look at us.
The clergyman assumed a humble silence. This talk still further increased my prejudice against atheism.
Chapter 21
NIRBAL KE BAL RAM
I hough I had acquired a nodding acquaintance with Hinduism and other religions of the world, should have known that it would not be enough to save me in my trails. Of the thing that sustains him through trials man has no inkling, much less knowledge, at the time. If an unbeliever, he will attribute his safety to chance. If a believer, he will say God saved him. He will conclude, as well he may, that his religious study or spiritual discipline was at the back of the state of grace within him. But in the hour of his deliverance he does not know whether his spiritual discipline or something else saves him. Who that has prided himself on his spiritual strength has not seen it humbled to the dust? A knowledge of religion, as distinguished from experience, seems but chaff in such moments of trial.
