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Dr. Anil Singhvi drsinghvi@vsnl.net Phone: +91-94250-66266)
Dr. Singhvi is the founder of Falcon, a self learning group formed in Indore, India 14 years ago with the objective of unfolding one's physical, interpersonal, emotional and spiritual potentials; in essence, to recognize the sacred in the ordinary. Dr. Singhvi has taken numerous talks on J ainism at various forums including JAINA 2005, YJI 2005 and YJP 2006. He is a Medical Oncologist by profession.
HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS IN MARRIAGE
Marriage and dialogue are inseparable; but is there peace? Numerous proverbs and jokes are testimony to the turbulent nature of this sacred institution. Has it kept up with the changing roles and values of mankind over the years Times have changed. But our attitudes and beliefs haven't.
The reality is that almost 45% of the marriages in North America end up in divorce. A large proportion of the rest continue to remain married, but just that. The relationship has already died. Why did this happen?
The answers are neither easy nor simple as many of us assume to be. If we are to ask any of the older generations about the reasons, they are tempted to make sweeping statements like, 'today's youngsters are impulsive; the money is going to their heads; moral values are deteriorating fast; this is going to happen if you do away with joint families; today's girls are tool demanding and cannot adjust' and so on. All these remain over-simplistic statements. Marriage is for love and not for 'adjustment'. And love cannot blossom if partners have to 'adjust' to live together. Of course sacrifices are made, but they are out of love and not out of compulsion or compromise.
It is the common knowledge that couples tie the knot in search for love, especially romantic love. However evolutionary studies show that romantic love is a relatively new development and not much is known about romantic love in marriage in modern culture. There are stories of spouses finding romantic love outside marriage, but these have usually tragic endings. Researchers find that joyous sex and intimacy in marriage is rare and marriages continue to be arranged for social, economic and political reasons. Oscar Wilde put it quite aptly, "One should always be in love that is why one should never marry!"
The reasons for getting married
David Schnarch in his path breaking work Passionate Marriage says, "Quite often we get married for the wrong reasons because we haven't matured enough for the right reasons to exist. Struggling with the wrong reasons for getting married can produce the right reasons to stay married." Some of the wrong reasons why people get married include:
1. Low self esteem in both
2. Fear of loneliness
3. The girl fearing facing the world as a single person
4. The boy needing someone to take care of himself
5. The girl needs to take care of someone in order to feel fulfilled
6. Both believing that two people can live more efficiently than one
Two wrongs cannot produce a right. Two unhappy people cannot hope to complement each other in search for the elusive happiness.
JuBiennialAINA Convention 2007
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PEACE THROUGH DIALOGUorary.org
