________________
with no guarantee that the other is going to like it. This is possible when you have a solid relationship with yourself; your foundations are so strong that you don't fear revealing yourself in totality.
Other validated intimacy sounds like this: "I will tell you about myself, but only if you then tell me about yourself. If you don't, I won't either. But I want to, so you have to. I will go first and then you will be obliged to disclose - it is only fair." Self-validated or true intimacy says: "I don't expect you to agree with me. You weren't put on the face of this earth to validate and reinforce me. But I want you to love me and you cannot really do that until you know me. I don't want your rejection, but I have to face that possibility too if I am ever to be accepted by you. It is time to show myself to you. One day when we are no longer together on this earth, I want to know that you knew me."
If you were to say what you feel without asking for endorsement from your partner, your partner is more likely to hear you out and not silence you. Such a relationship can remain intimate even in times of conflict. Such marriages are geared for growth because the partners have unique strengths. The understanding that both are essentially unique but different persons is important. This leads to respect and giving space to the other. For example imagine that you and your partner are in a small boat named marriage in the high seas of life. The question arises, who is going to steer? You feel that you are in the middle of the sea with a lunatic who sees everything differently. You tend to brow-beat the other into steering in the same direction as yourself. Now consider the reality that spouses are always in two separate boats and could sail away in different directions. You will then be more kind and friendly to your fellow captain!
It is the common
knowledge that couples tie the lenot in
search for love, especially romantic love. However evolutionary
studies show that romantic love is a
relatively new development and not much is lenown about
romantic love in marriage in modern
culture.
Enjoy the journey, flow! This means flowing with life and its directions. Let us imagine a river flowing towards the ocean. Similarly, life too has its flow. Like the river, life too seems to move in a meandering way at times; and we tend to resist these seemingly useless twists and turns. Little do we realize that life's treasures are hidden in these nooks and crannies! So let us not resist this flow of life, and learn to flow effortlessly. Savor the journey, and as someone said, the beautiful journey is the destination! It is possible that marriage may take a turn in reverse direction for sometime, may seem go through twists and turns, but just be aware that all of these might give you hidden insights if you are open to them. So flow with life, flow with marriage and you might just end up discovering love!
Love All of the above are precursors to the ultimate state, love. Yes love is possible in marriage too and that is good news indeed. Love is what unifies, and when you see God in each and every human being including your partner, you are not only in love, but you are love itself. And then relationship to your partner is like a prayer to God! <>
14th Biennial JAINA Convention 2007
184
PEACE THROUGH DIALOGUE
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