Brahmachariji

Author(s): Manu Doshi
Publisher: Manu Doshi

Page 7

of fact, what seems to us helpful and ambrosial is perceived by him as unhelpful and poisonous. The fact that he has gained the grace of Lord can be evident even from a slight contact with him.
On account of some wholesome Karma I have been able to come in contact with such a person and by virtue of recognizing his personality I have been inclined to gain the liberation. I have been continually thinking of resorting to his guidance in that respect; I have no intention to get anything else. Hence all of you feel that I have changed my faith; forsaking the worldly path I have been seeking the different one.
I have been going to Agäs for last four/five years and have been dispassionately observing what is going on there. I have not marked there any selfish or parochial motive. What is being done is to teach and contemplate over what needs to be done in this life; efforts are being made to raise the conditions, which are conducive to spiritualism and which can lead to the right conduct. I can make out from my own experience that one can easily perform there what needs to be performed as specified by the realized persons. I am increasingly feeling firm that if one can stay continually in contact with those great men, it would be possible for him to make real progress on the path of liberation.
Many a times it occurs to me that I should leave everything else and spend the remaining years of life on that path. That idea, however, pales when I realize that the circumstances are not ripe for that. And I am not able to disclose it to anyone. My mind remains confused with the idea that there would be no purpose in giving vent to the unrealizable concept.
The foremost requirements on the path of liberation consist of a true Guide and of the aspirant who acts in accordance with the guidance. In Laghuräjswämi I have noticed the reliable Guide, what is needed is the aspirant to act. Hence the question arises in my mind, 'Why delay?' You or other acquaintance may ask me, 'You are not attending to any family work, nor have you joined the Society for the sake of earning. In that case who prevents you from doing what you intend to do?' That question worries me too; it occurs, 'If I cannot do what needs to be done or do not become helpful to anyone, I should be the greatest fool.' After pondering over it I have found mainly following four factors that seem to bind me to the worldly life.
1 The bodily considerations: If the body gets ill and if it becomes impossible to earn, what about the financial resources for maintaining the life without being a burden upon anyone?
2 Consideration about Babu (Jasu): My closest connection is with my son. He is very young. What about my responsibility to raise and educate him?
3 Consideration about the family: I should hold responsibility for well being of the family in which I am born. What about my responsibility towards you and your kiths and kids?
4 Consideration about Society: For last ten years I have been associated with Charotar Education Society. How can I give up my responsibility towards it?
These four factors worry me as if they are four holes in the boat. If water continually comes in from the holes, can a tourist enjoy his tour at ease? He would continually feel afraid of being drowned on account of the incoming water. Similarly the above considerations have been worrying me. It would be easy to make out that so long as they continue to bewilder me, it would not be possible for me to get ready for liberation or even to get the concept of the bliss. They would come in my way. As such, I intend to point out what I have done to overcome the same and also whether my efforts have anyway become fruitful. Let me first deal with the last two of them.
You might be feeling that I have so far thought and worked only for myself and have not worried about the family. So long as my wife was alive, she kept in mind to send some amount for the undivided family at Bändhani. As such, she was trying to maintain our household very frugally. That time I could not make out her attitude. Since the salary from the Society was fixed on the basis of normal cost of maintaining a family, I had told her to spend reasonably for our household and to send to Bändhani what she could save. She, however, remained worried about what the people at Bändhani would think about us, though she could actually do very little in spite of remaining concerned.