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the person in charge does not have much to worry about. Moreover, by staying in a reasonably comfortable family and by getting the opportunity to read wholesome literature he would be able to make progress that might have been destined for him.
Babu now hardly needs my help and I have not been doing much for him. Moreover, the cause for which I am leaving would be helpful to him in making progress, when he gets old enough to understand it. After all, everyone makes progress, gets the occupation and passes the time as destined; we can neither add to it nor subtract from it. What had we brought with us at the time of birth? Even the sons of same parents get happiness or unhappiness as destined for them. Moreover, at the time of death we are not going to take with us what we have earned. If someone feels pain or unhappiness at the time of death, no one would be able to give even a bit of relief. As such, I have no hesitation in leaving everyone.
Even when one leaves for a wholesome cause, his relations might feel bad in proportion to their attachment. Your wife may perhaps feel like crying. I therefore request you to patiently explain to her my intention as understood by you. Read this letter to her, if you think fit. Tell her that Gordhanbhäi has requested her to forgive for any faults or any inappropriate words uttered by me earlier in adolescence. I sincerely beg your pardon also for any fault committed by me physically, verbally or mentally.
If you want to wish my happiness, I request both of you to bless me while proceeding for the true earning career, as the people do for those, who go to Africa for the sake of earning. The value of earning that I am looking for may not be evident at present, but that is the highest type of earning that can be made in this life and I have been yearning for that. Here I am not suggesting of getting something new; what I am referring to is of averting unnecessary confusion and gaining the truth. In due course it would be clear that therein lay the true happiness. Earlier I used to get overcome with the sense of detachment. Had I left at that time for canyons of the river Mahi or towards Himalayas, you would have forgotten about me by now. The same would happen after a couple of years as I am going to leave now. Death is going to occur any time; that is not going to wait till I explain my position by writing such a lengthy letter to you. It would therefore be sensible to become alert and to settle now what is going to be done sooner or later.
Chapter 4: Initiation
Main intention of Gordhanbhäi in writing the above-said letter would be seen from its introductory part.
"With a view to getting your blessing I am presenting to you in short what I have understood through my study and experience of the worldly life as well as by reading about the experience of the great people. I hope that it would lead your inner self to make out the truth, to consider the interest of both of us and to extend all possible help."
While addressing that letter he had also written a letter to Prabhushri during the summer of 1924. It states:
"Since I came in your contact, I feel overcome with exhilaration and affection towards you to an extent as if you had been my father... I have been thinking to come to Agäs in March next year and stay at your service and command for one year. During that time I intend to undertake the service that you may suggest. In the meanwhile I want to ready myself for getting worthy of staying with you. With that intention in mind I am writing this letter several months ahead of my arrival. ... If I merely get a hint from you to come there earlier, I have firmly decided to leave everything else, as if it never belonged to me, and present myself to you. Many a time I get the urge for renouncement, but it has not been possible for me to give up the worldly life... My condition is identical to a person, who has gone for swimming, but has been waiting for someone to push him into water. It seems, I have been waiting for your asking me to leave all the worries and to come to the shelter of the saint, as you have been suggesting to Kalyanji uncle and telegraph master Maganbhäi. I have decided to be present there as soon as I get your directive. I have learnt that there is nothing to be pondered over after getting Guru's command. 'Ajna Gurunämavicharaniya'... I am waiting
