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take care of Babu together with your son. Everyone gets what is destined for him and one is automatically drawn towards the place, where he is to get the livelihood. We unnecessarily think that something has been done or is being done by us. That is sheer ignorance and is comparable to a dog moving under a cart while thinking that it moves the cart. Let these boys therefore study and get the occupation destined for them. I feel that there would be no problem in providing Babu's needs simultaneously with those of your son.
When one goes on a pilgrimage, it is customary to give him blessing by drawing a Tilak on his forehead and giving him some token gift. I am planning to go on a long pilgrimage from which I do not want to come back. I want to give up the family connections and to treat the entire world as my family. I am out to spend the remaining years of my life at the feet of Graceful Lord. I have so far not talked at Agäs about my intention. If they do not consider me fit to undertake the responsibility and do not permit me to give up the worldly connections, I have no intention to wander like a mendicant. It would, however, be acceptable to me to resort to the measures that he (Prabhushri) would suggest for becoming worthy. As such, I want to talk to him after getting freed from other encumbrances so that I can utilize my capabilities in undertaking the task that he may ask or advise me to undertake. With that purpose I am requesting you to free me from the responsibilities that, I think, rest upon me.
After getting freed from those responsibilities, I would feel totally satisfied whether Prabhushri asks me to go to Käshi for further study or entrusts me with the trifling work of ringing the bell or of cleaning the garbage. I know that my well being lies in carrying out his commands and have faith that he is competent to direct me where my true well being lies. I am bothering you with this long letter so that I can go to him free from encumbrances. Once I get your blessing, I want to talk about my intention to those concerned with the Society and secure their permission to leave the work. For that purpose I would not mind waiting a little, if necessary. I have kept my resignation letter ready since I decided to tread on this path.
I want to talk to Agäs after all of you agree with my plan and necessary arrangements are made in respect of Babu, Society etc. In that case I feel that it would not be difficult for them to admit me in Ashram. That would happen as it might be destined, but I would not fail in making effort for that purpose. I feel sure that I would get your favor and blessing. In case, however, the sense of attachment for the younger brother gets too strong and if you insist upon my staying in the worldly life, I would like to point out that once a firm decision is made, it is not in my nature to swerve from it. That you have noticed at the time of accepting the Society's work and while declining to remarry. On both those occasions I had to displease you. By this long letter I am entreating you so that I have not to displease you in this meritorious enterprise.
Having stayed in religious environment you would make out that what I intend to do is meritorious. If you are, however, tempted to object by virtue of attachment, let me try to explain. In case, I die, you are going to take care of everything. I want to die from the worldly life so that whatever has to be done after death can be done right now; I want to spend the remaining years of my life for my well being, or for rendering the service to Ashram or to the world at large. I want to give up home and become a monk in order to undertake the true duty of servicing everyone. I have no concept of being a saint, sage or of getting any position. I have been thinking since long of remaining at the service of all, of being a truth-seeker. Now I want to do that.
Neither am I tired of working for the Society, nor has Society thought of firing me so that I would need to look for other work. Had there been such a case, I am confident of my ability to find a job that would pay a couple of hundred rupees a month. I, however consider such jobs as undertaking of slavery and servitude. My attitude is to stay independent and to guide appropriately those who want to be independent. I feel that it would be enough if that much can be done in this short life. I find it unbearable to remain involved in unessential activities. Indulgence therein is as good as death. The life would be merely a moving corpse, if it cannot be purposeful. It is like living in a terrible prison; it amounts to quietly bearing the concealed hurt.
There are two reasons for not telling you in the matter so far. The first is that I wanted to be sure that my intention for getting freed from the worldly life arises out of a wholesome purpose, not because of being tired of it. The second is that while Babu was younger, lot of effort was needed in taking care of him. It was particularly tough, because the habits formed that time endure for the whole life and I was hesitating to entrust it to anyone. Now Babu can take care of himself; he can play and move about on his own. As such,
