Aloyana

Author(s): Hiraji Swami, Gulabchandraji
Publisher: Pradyuman Vora

Page 15

so, or I became proud or repented after giving donation.
Moreover, I might have been partial in giving food and drinks to the monks and nuns, due to affection or respect for them, or might have been guilty of wrongdoings like preparing prohibited food for the monks. I might have insulted a monk when he had come at the doorstep. I might have discriminated among them by giving more to one and less to the other, or good to one and bad to the other. I might have felt unhappy while giving, or have avoided monks after seeing them at the doorstep. I might have sent them away to other's house, or made them wait, or made them leave after waiting for long time. I might have deliberately made a monk accept alms or done so through temptation, or given something considering them to be a garbage place, or I might have forgotten to think of a monk at meal time.
FAST UNTO DEATH
I reflect on and confess whatever wrongdoings I might have been guilty of, concerning the religious fast unto death. If I am guilty of any wrongdoings of this act, I request to be forgiven and my sins nullified.
I may have been guilty of wishing for this worldly happiness like obtaining the position and the luxuries of an emperor, or of the other world like obtaining the position of head of all angels, Indra, and divine luxuries; or of desiring to live long in a supposition that if the fasting lasted longer I would get more respect and adoration; or of wishing for death due to inability to bear hunger and thirst; or of desiring of sensuality in that state.
Again, even after accepting fast unto death, I might not have gotten completely rid of attachment for the body, material, family, friends, the possessions I had. I might have started the fasting unto death without asking all the beings to forgive me, and my forgiving them, or without attenuating the passions or curbing the sense organs, or controlling the mind, or losing the temptation for the happiness of this or the other world, or for fame and renown.
I might not have carefully checked the place for the disposal of urine and excrement, or might have used a bedstead, quilt, or mattress as a bed instead of using a bed of grass. I might have not begun fasting after sitting in a crossed-legged posture and facing the north or the east. I might have been careless to turn away from sins in spite of taking the vow in all nine ways. These nine ways are: doing it myself, asking someone else to do it, or encouraging someone else to do it, in any combination by action, word or thought.
I might have wandered about the result of the fasting unto death when overcome by troubles like disease, or I might have laid the blame on the person making or suggesting me to undertake fasting, thus adulterating the flawless state of mind. I might have started fasting unto death without analysing whether this is the right time for me or not, or whether I am fit for it or not. I might not have done it even though there was a right time for it, or might not have cherished the desire for it nor kept faith in it. I might have prevented someone doing fasting unto death even though he was fit for that, or have mocked at or ignored him.
TWELVE PENANCES
I reflect on and confess any sinful wrongdoings related to penance of a long or short duration. In spite of ability, I might not have performed the twelve penances consisting of six external penances, viz., fasting, taking less food, taking fewer food items, abstention from specific taste, straining the body, and to restrain passions like anger; and six internal penances, viz., atonement of sin, politeness, and service to ascetics, etc., study of scriptures, meditation, and giving up of bodily activities. If at all I had practiced them I might have done so with the hope and the desire of this worldly or other worldly happinesses, or done so in some other hope, or with the hope of getting fame, or in imitation of someone, or done it out of jealousy, or to do harm to someone. I might not have performed penance in spite of favorable circumstances, or performed it just for fulfilling an oath taken before a god, or to get rid of worldly misery. I might have felt proud after performing the penance or resorted to self-praise after performing it. I might have performed it to show off someone, or asked for the reward of the penance, or done it in a spirit of disrespect, or