Spirituality in Speech

Author(s): Dada Bhagwan
Publisher: Mahavideh Foundation

Page 38

Spirituality in Speech
Spirituality in Speech
Questioner: He knows that I love him.
Dadashri : That kind of a love is worthless because the moment you say anything to him, you use your authority as a tax collector, 'Do that, you have no sense, this and that etc.' Do you not speak this way?
The world will always improve with love. There is no other solution for it. If it were possible to change things through fear, repression and intimidation then there would be an end to democracy in government and we would have totalitarian regimes that would incarcerate human beings and even hang them.
Questioner : What if he still does not improve?
Dadashri : You still have to continue to observe what happens even if he is heading in the wrong direction. You should pray to God to bestow his compassion upon him.
Understand that everything is relative and thus remain detached. You carry a baby for nine months, and when it is born, you have to help it walk and help it get around. You should only do this when they are young, after that, you should let go. Do cows not let their young go? You need to guide and correct your child until the age of five, after that you cannot correct him. And after the age of twenty, his wife will be there to improve him. You do not have to do that.
Questioner : What should we do when we have to scold him and he gets hurt?
Dadashri : Then you must ask for forgiveness from within. If you say something hurtful to this lady you should ask for her forgiveness. If you cannot do it in person then you should do it internally.
Questioner: How can you interact with children on their level; by becoming like them?
Dadashri : Do you act like a child in order to interact
with your child? Children are afraid of their elders, so your behavior towards them should be such that they do not fear you. You should point out your child's mistakes by explaining things to him rather than intimidating him. You do not gain anything by intimidating children. Because they are younger than you, they will be easily frightened, but this will not get rid of their faults. Instead, their faults will increase internally. Only through explanation will you be able to rid them of their faults.
Questioner : Yes indeed that is what happens, this is my experience that I am sharing. This is my own question and this happens again and again to me.
Dadashri : Yes, that is why I am giving you this example. Suppose your son is twelve years old and you discuss everything with him. He will understand some of the things you tell him and he will not understand the rest. He does not understand your viewpoint so you will have to calmly tell him, "This is my intention. This is how I look at it. This is what I am trying to convey to you. Whether you understand it or not, please tell me about it later. And if there is anything about your viewpoint that I do not understand, then I will try my best to understand it.' Talk to him in this way.
That is why I tell people that after the age of sixteen they should treat their child like a friend. If you speak to him as a friend, your tone will come out right, but if you behave as a father with him, you will not make any progress and conflicts will continue. What would happen when you behave as a father when he is forty?
Questioner : If the son has been defiant and says something unpleasant, you make a mental note of it and because of this you form an opinion about him which in turn influences the way you interact with him. Does this not complicate things further?
Dadashri : It is useless to make a note of anything in this