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The Wheel of joy and Sorrow
297
exhausted. “Oh ! I married Anjana on these very banks of the Manas sarovar. But it was a mere formality. My heart was not in it. After the marriage I abandoned her. I did not even allow her to enter my presence, and I have been moving away... far away from her; let alone touching her; I did not even care to glance at her face once after the marriage. I never met her even for a moment; let alone meeting her, I never spoke a word to her; that too not for one or two years but for twenty-two years. How deeply she should have been wounded by my illtreatment? I wonder how she has been able to keep herself alive. She must have experienced immeasurable grief and anguish on account of her separation from me. Even that is inconsiderable when compared with her action at the time of my setting off on this march of victory. When I was setting off on my march of victory, she summoned up courage enough to come forward; to fall at my feet; and to wish me success and victory, and when she did so, I cruelly and harshly reprimanded her and spurned her. I did not care to hear a single word of hers; and I behaved arbitrarily ignoring her feelings. She has suffered extraordinary anguish on account of my indifference towards her. What a terrible enormity have I committed ! :
"Her body has become withered like a fallen leaf. Her face is furrowed with anguish and despair. Her face reveals her deep anguish and is enveloped with the darkness of the eve of her broken heart. Prahasit told me many times that she had
uffering endless agony on account my attitude towards her; and that she had been languishing in anguish, day and night. Her beautiful and flower-soft body has withered; and looks like a mere skeleton. During these twenty-two years, she never ate anything delicious; she never drank anything tasty; and she never wore any colourful garments or ornaments.”
When he thought of all these things, his heart stopped beating for a while; and it melted away in compassion. Before his mental eyes, there arose the innocent face of Anjana gleaming with a sublime effulgence; and beside it, he also saw his own face distorted by imaginary doubts and suspicions and rendered ungainly by his own mental aberrations; and unfair
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