Book Title: Jain Ramayana Part 1
Author(s): Bhadraguptasuri
Publisher: Vishvakalyan Prakashan Trust Mehsana

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Page 360
________________ 348 JAIN RAMAYAN Kanakodari's heart became soft and tender like a flower. She felt that she had begun to live a new life and that a tremendous spiritual change had taken place in her. She developed deep veneration for Queen Lakshmivati. There arose in her heart an extraordinary devotion for the Paramatma. The night set in. Joy and jubilation filled the atmosphere in the palace. But there was one person who had not recovered her mental peace. She was worried and agitated. And that was Sulekha. A tremendous turmoil was raging in her mind. She was deeply grieved and agitated. She had helped Kanakodari in carrying out that sinful plan. So that feeling of guilt kept worrying her. She knew very well that Kanakodari had absolved herself of her sin by seeking Queen Lakshmivati's pardon. But she had not washed off her sin. She had not chastened herself thus. In great worry and agitation, she kept walking up and down in the room. Sometimes, she tried to lie on her bed and regain her mental calmness but she could not. She tried to forget her agitation caused by her evil action but the more ne tried to forget her sinful action the greater was the fire of agitation that kept burning her. Countless conflicting thoughts and feelings rose in her mind like waves and clashed against one another. "What shall I do? Where shall I go? To whom shall I reveal my anguish ? Shall I speak the truth to her and shall I seek her refuge ? But what will she think of me? I put on the guise of a Shravika and deceived her and now what will she think of me? Of course, Kanakodari has revealed everything to Queen Lakshmivati. Now, there is nothing to hide from her. But as long as I try to conceal the truth I cannot have peace of mind. It is better to go to her and to confess the truth. Someone has rightly said, “Truth fears no danger”. It was past midnight. The whole city of Kanakpur was asleep. Silence and stillness prevailed everywhere. But Sulekha Jain Education International For Private & Personal Use Only www.jainelibrary.org

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