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20. Nirvana - I Am Alone
I
have been the closest associate of Bhagwan Mahavir for the past thirty years. I clearly remember that particular afternoon when I first met Mahavir. Thirty years! Time has passed by so quickly! That afternoon I was performing a yagnya ceremony in this very town of Pava. My disciples were uttering mantras in preparation for the slaughter of hundreds of animals. I am so ashamed now of myself when I think of that ghastly ceremony.
When one of my disciples brought me the news of Bhagwan Mahavir's arrival in Pava I got angry. I wanted to stop Mahavir's rebellious message against yagnya, and drive that challenger out of Pava. In fact, I went to the Mahasen garden to do just that, but that very incident was to be an awakening in my life. When I arrived at the samosaran, there was no rebellion, no challenge, and no confrontation. The air was filled with kindness and love. It melted away my anger.
Bhagwan welcomed me with warmth. He already knew that I doubted the permanence of atma (soul), and corrected me even before my asking him any question. Indeed he proved to be a greater pundit than I was. Therefore, as per the tradition, I accepted Mahavir as my guru and became his disciple. I stepped into Bhagwan Mahavir's shadow and have
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