Ten Days Journey Into The Self

Author(s): Chitrabhanu
Publisher: Jain Meditation International Centre

Page 25

this boy fled from his home and family, fell in with people who used drugs, and became an addict. Next he became a thief in order to find money to pay for his drugs. Finally, he was arrested and spent six months in a prison. When he came out, he met some people who were doing yoga, and under their influence he became an ardent student for the next six or seven months. But then he relapsed.
One evening he came to one of my talks, and later he came to see me. He told me about his background and then he said, "I know yoga, I do the postures, pranayama breathing, and I meditate. But my old habits are defeating me. Yet when I heard you speak, something that wishes to overcome welled up in me.
This my friend is a common picture. We fall into a condition in which there is a civil war raging inside of us. There is conflict- even in the truly gentleman's heart; even in a good person's life, there is something which will try to drag him down. Once he gives up, he becomes weaker and weaker. It is like someone missing the top step on a staircase and tumbling backward; he picks up momentum as he tumbles down. But good company and the words of a teacher can inspire us to begin again. I asked this young man, "why do you get this temptation?" He told me, "My father was so cruel and harsh with me that ultimately he disgusted me. his intentions were all right. He wanted me to be good and pious, but his methods were brutal. Now I have lost faith in my father, in the clergy, and in the teaching of my religion. So I turn to drugs to dull the pain." Perhaps he was trying also to defeat his father for having been so cruel to him. I said to him, "But why lose faith in yourself ? Lose everything else, but not this. As long as you can hold on to faith in yourself, you are saved. From this, everything can be regained."
In response to a certain environment, a child devises a response that becomes habitual. And then the habit forms a character. And the character tends to form a destiny. Even though habitual attitudes feel comfortable, we become their prisoners. They even persist after the environment in response to which they were formed has been left behind. There parents who would improve their children must first improve themselves. They should reform themselves for the well-being of their children, if for nothing else.
When the wish to overcome inner enemies wells up, some people go to psychiatrists or other professionally trained people. However the number of psychiatrists and professionally trained people in the world is limited. Also, unfortunately many professional people become hypnotised the ego-centrism of the society today. If we have faith in ourselves, I think many of us can recognize and overcome our inner enemies; but we have to focus on the search for them.
To know yourself, scrutinize deeply and carefully. Listen to where the words come from when you speak. Observe the consequences of your thoughts, attitudes, actions. Do not suppress thoughts and feelings, but observe , discover and examine. What is the cause of hiding? What is behind the anger? What is behind the self-defeat? What is behind the emptiness?.......Beauty is within, but something is in the way.