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34
PRABUDDH JEEVAN
JANUARY 2017
THE SECRER'S DIARY
VYAVHAAR SHUDDHATA!
Happy New Year! 2017
To read, explore and learn more about your Self and thus all others; the topic I would like to explore together with you this month is a word called "Vyavhaar".
In a simple translation it means "Social Behavior". But like many words in Gujarati, it encompasses so many layers of meanings.
While growing up, I have heard and read this word in various phrases and conversations and I have had huge problems with it.
So; this month as I was making my mental notes on "Vyavhaar", a super surprise came to me when Gurudev spoke about the spiritual connotations of Vyavhar and Parmarth going hand in hand with his lucid and simple explanations. I will touch upon that a little later in the article but for the moment, let us talk about my problem with some of the phrases.
First is "Ame Vyavhar maan nathi maanta." This phrase is usually used for exchange of tangible gifts between family members or friends and especially at weddings, Diwali exchanges, birthdays, anniversaries, Raksha Bandhan, Pasli, Gotrej or whichever other days in your particular family tradition you have. It essentially negates the give and take of money or gifts and sometimes even any form of getting together or meeting for that day.
As a child, I found the sound of the line rude, offensive and as an adult, I still find it rude but more amused by the sentence and am more open to its effects on me by different people who are saying it.
My standpoint is "I believe in 'Vyavhar" or Hoon vyavhar maan maanu chhun"
In its crude forms, it would mean I love gifts, giving and taking of it - which I do but a little layer below, I believe in the fundamental concept of thoughtfulness, sharing and for me it represents an act of caring.
Going and choosing mangoes, going and choosing the best dryfruits in Diwali, thinking about the person and choosing an appropriate gift for a birthday or housewarming or just seeing something that would enhance someone you care about, wrapping it and taking time out to write a few words or a thoughtful
message, cooking and sending a dish or a meal or a dessert, planning surprises is fundamental for me in Grihasth life. (householder's). It is a very natural part of living together. But it does not entail stress, or even too much time endlessly searching as much as being attuned to the people in your life, being observant and being pure loving which would automatically help you in making this process simple and a joy rather than a stressful activity.
But "Jaino maan aa pratha nathi"... "if we take something we will have to come back to the cycle of birth and rebirth", these are lines thrown often. With my extremely limited knowledge, I would like to express that Jainism lays stress on aparigraha (renunciation or getting over attachments). It brings awareness to one's engrossment and infatuation to material things, to be aware of the financial, mental disposition of the giver. But before we give up this very base and in a sense, a less important vyavhar, why don't we first work on becoming self sufficient, self reliant, and completely give up on those aspects of vyavhar which are self defeating - like expectations, aversions, attachments within us of the people and from the people in our lives.
If we live in a vyavhaarik society, do a wedding, hold a celebration, make and decorate homes, then w why are you against these natural aspects of extending oneself in Mittrata (friendship).
Once we take up the life of renunciation, or are in the third and fourth stage of a householders life that of vanprastha and sanyas, yes please follow the tenets of complete austerity and truly stop Vyavhar.
But while you are in it-it is just about being natural and thoughtful and in a flow. When you say I don't believe in vyavhar or whatever phrase you use to not do something for someone, you are negating araciousness, you are bringing in a hardness, a roughness, an inability to give or take graciously, you are shaking humility, you are challenging the fundamentals of the fact that society means give and take.
The concept to be worked upon in vyavhar is Vivek. (wisdom or discretion). So yes one trains and can be disciplined about one's own Maryada (or ability to give
