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Monks' Dilemma
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Monks 'Dilemma sadhvi for maximum time, arguing and asking pointed questions whether she really wanted to be a nun, "You are beautiful and still young. Before becoming a nun you must have thought and visualised about your own marriage on all such occasions when you attended marriages of girls of your age in the neighbourhood or among your relations"
Shradha, "When I was fifteen I attended a marriage ceremony of a distant cousin at Udaipur. My parents and maternal grandparents were also there. They selected a boy Vinod for me who was also there with his parents. He was tall, handsome and healthy. We were allowed to meet and talk. We liked each other and were engaged in a very nominal ceremony called "Tilak." He was intelligent and got admission to a medical college. Marriage proposals started pouring in for him with huge dowry offers. His parents sounded my father which was almost an ultimatum that they have a dowry offer of ten lakhs. My father was in no way able to meet the demand and the boy's parents broke our engagement. I wrote to the boy and reminded him of his promises at the time of our engagement. He never replied. There was no option left for me except to become a nun. My own ego played a major role. As a nun I would be superior to him and he will bow before me. He belongs to our sect and occasionally comes to pay obeisance but is unable to raise his head and face my gaze. My ego is satisfied. I am happy and contended. I have studied most of the canonical scriptures, mastered the art of speech and devotees revere me very much. Simultaneously I have done M.A. in philosophy. I am the chief guest and keynote speaker in most of the conferences. I have no grudge now."
Deepti, "You have made my task easy because you did desire marriage. There is no point to stick to the predicament
forced on you because of the social evil of dowry. There is another aspect that prompted you to be a nun. Since the boy with whom you were betrothed also did not respond to your letter and forgot all the promises made to you, it stirred your ego. You became a monk because this elevated you on higher pedestal than the boy and as you said the boy now pays obeisance to you. This satisfied your ego. Ambitions and ego also play an important role in taking recourse to monkhood as it elevates the person even above the kings and emperors. Buddha and Mahavira are examples of their super ego and ambitions. They calculated that they would not be great kings or emperors they decided to adopt monkhood to be above them as monkhood has been held higher than any householder even a king or emperor, because the system has since ages been so cleverly designed by these escapists. You are still marriageable and can get a good job in any prestigious college and even in the university which will attract a good many bridegrooms. You must denounce the injustice thrust on you and revert back as a householder, marry a suitable match of your choice, perform your natural responsibility as a mother lest the heritage of your valuable genome is lost forever."
There was turmoil in the mind of Shradha. She spoke out, "Ever since my initiation as a nun I am being continuously conditioned about superiority of a nun to householder. It is hammered down on all disciples that worldly life of a householder is full of suffering and problems and it is only through religious initiation that one can achieve happiness, peace and salvation. However during discourses I have been arguing against such indoctrinations. I have often quoted from the scriptures before the Acharya that there are instances of householders getting salvation. I have been emphasising the
