Jain Spirit 2004 03 No 18

Author(s): Jain Spirit UK
Publisher: UK Young Jains

Page 33

LIFESTYLE 31
There's a bumper sticker I often see around here. It says: Kill Your Television. This is a violent reaction to the violence done by the media but perhaps knowing how TV affects the mind can inspire you to other solutions.
Most parents are well intentioned and
follow the advice of doctors, specialists, well meaning friends and, of course, the media. But perhaps in the process some common sense has been sacrificed on the altar of 'specialists. Along with that, a sense of responsibility also disappeared. Not in the sense of a parent feeling responsible for his child, but in the sense of 'response-ability. The ability to respond and not react, may be the key ingredient in filtering through the morass of input a parent processes each day.
Listen The last few generations have believed that children should be seen and not heard. And today's children are rarely, truly heard. They're analysed, vaccinated, labelled-like products. They've been scheduled with activities so that there is never time to just listen. I was once teaching a children's theatre class and a ten-year-old boy needed some extra help with his scene. I offered to come an hour early the next week. He whipped out his Palm Pilot to see if he could fit it in between his accelerated math tutoring, soccer practice and violin lesson.
When you listen, don't just listen to the child's words. Listen to her actions, to her behaviour. And most of all, listen to yourself. Not just in the moment of crisis, because by then you can no longer be 'response-able' and you can only react with your reptile brain. Take time to listen to yourself in a quiet moment. Whatever your spiritual practice, a few minutes of listening to silence can make you more supple, more interested in what is really taking place, not the stories that are whirling in your and in your child's mind.
Here is some food for thought for 21st-century parents. A child starts learning an hour after birth, and bonds with the face that it sees most often. Those funny grimaces are 'Baby trying to figure out how to look like Mom! That means that if Mom is not around in those precious first few months, Baby becomes very confused. Of course, cutting edge psychologists are actually telling parents to schedule 'face time with their infants: just put your face appointment in your Palm Pilot and Baby will be fine. But perhaps face time means something more. Instead of sitting the child in front of the electronic baby sitter, the child will learn more of quality from watching you. After all, a study by George Gerbner, Ph.D. of the University of Pennsylvania, has shown that children's TV shows contain at least 20 violent acts each hour and also that children who watch a lot of television are more likely to think that the world is a mean and dangerous place.
One of the things that happens during development is something called myelin growth. Myelin is a protein sheath that coats the nerves and helps conduct the messages in the sensory/motor system. Children have bursts of myelin growth from birth to adolescence. They learn from interacting with their environment and with others. When they watch TV, what are they interacting with? Even if it is not a violent show, the child is in a passive situation. They can talk to the TV, but it won't talk back. It's a one-way experience. Then a child tries to relate to people in life, but the myelin sheath has been programmed for a non-interactive life.
Relax Children actually respond to the outer environment while still in the womb. The frontal lobes control our higher thinking functions, making us intelligent, sensitive individuals. However, they only develop when the organism perceives that it is coming into a safe world. If it perceives a state of anxiety in the mother, a stressful environment, then Mother Nature in her infinite wisdom assumes the baby is going to be born in a dangerous era. Frontal brain growth is sacrificed and the brain stem known as the reptile brain gets all the nerve cells. This creates a baby that is really good at survival, but lives in fear of danger. The frontal lobes continue to grow for a portion of childhood, so if the household is safe, nurturing and relaxing, the child will grow up with literally more brains: Joseph Chilton Pearce, the world renowned educator and author of many books on child development said: "In very young children, the primary caregiver's emotional state determines the child's state, and therefore the child's development in general... The emotional state we are in when learning takes place becomes an integral part of that learning."
The process of socialisation spoken of earlier is a big contributor to parental anxiety. By the time a child is crawling. the word "No!" is being uttered about every nine minutes. Suddenly the child has gone from unconditional love to "No! Don't touch that! Don't do that! Watch out! Danger! Danger!" Very good for the reptile brain. Not good for an intelligent future. Find ways to make your house safe. Don't rush proper social behaviour. Children forced into early toilet training, weaned too forcefully or forbidden constantly develop much more compulsive behaviour than children in more relaxed societies.
Set An Example Rudolf Steiner, the founder of Waldorf Education once said, " 95% of a child's learning or 'structures of knowledge' form automatically in direct response to interactions with the environment, while only about 5% form as a result of our verbal teaching or intellectual instruction." In other words, actions speak louder than words. "Do as I say and not as I do," is the biggest mistake a parent can make, because your child is learning from your every move.
If you can allow yourself the time to d o the above, you will be in a perfect position to ferret out what is useful in the constant information barrage directed at parents today. And at the same time, you may discover a new kind of relationship with your child.
Lavinia Plonka's latest book, 'What are you afraid of?' Has been published by Tarcher Putnam, 2004. www.laviniaplonka.com
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