Jain Spirit 2002 10 No 12

Author(s): Jain Spirit UK
Publisher: UK Young Jains

Page 27

Every Child Is Unique
a special effort and a conscious family decision to limit the while. Inevitably there would come a time when the situation number of meals taken outside. As far as possible meals comes to a head. One of two things could happen then. The should be prepared from fresh fruit and vegetables so that the child might just rebel and refuse to do what is asked of them. intake of preservatives is minimised. And how often do we Most of us know that when this happens, it is not restricted to compromise on going out for a walk or taking our children to one or two issues only. It affects all the areas of our dealings the park to play because of a television programme that we do with him and a vicious circle is created. We get upset with him, not want to miss! Children need to be able to release their he feels we don't understand him and the result is constant excess energy. If this is not done through exercise, it might conflict. The other consequence of not respecting or even come out in an unpleasant way,
squashing his feelings is that the child might withdraw In the nurturing of the emotional and mental bodies, the completely. He might feel that he is a failure, that he cannot do modern trend in parenting plays a detrimental role. The anything right and may quit trying. His self-esteem would following are some of the warped beliefs held:
decline. All of us want to be happy and it has been proven time My child must excel in whatever he is doing. I will and time again that happiness is not derived from material therefore send him for extra classes and tuition.
things. True happiness is feeling good about oneself, and I • If Mr and Mrs X's child can do so well in any sport e.g. believe that the greatest gift that we can give our children is a swimming, my child should do so too, whether he enjoys it or healthy self-respect. Can you imagine what a child could not.
achieve if he truly believed in himself? I will make sure that my child makes the most of the
If asked whether we love our children, we would always opportunities he now has and which I never did. He must not say 'of course we do'. True love must be unconditional waste any time.
however. I believe that each one of us would like to be loved My child needs to maintain the competitive spirit as that is for exactly who we are. The mistake that our parents made the only way he will be a success in future.
with us and that we make with our children is On a macro level, if a parent has managed
that we do not separate the individual from to achieve all of the above in a child, what
"Children come
his actions. Consider a scenario where your would be his traits when he grows up? He
child has thrown all the books from the shelf would be self-centered, aggressive, ambitious, through you but do onto the floor. “You are a naughty boy... or greedy and even competitive. Would it then be
"That was a naughty thing to do,,, are the two possible to create a society that is non-violent,
responses you could give. In the former peaceful, co-operative and harmonious?
statement the child's person has been Would there be any place for the compassion
attacked. He has been labelled in all finality. that Mahavir and Buddha had? Is it a surprise that wars are In the second statement we are condemning the action. If any never ending?
disciplinary measure is taken against him, it is important to Let's look at the level of the individual and the family. make him understand that it is against the action, and not Each soul is unique. The theosophical literature explains because you think he is naughty and perhaps unlovable. beautifully why different people are oriented in different Similarly, when the child has done something commendable, it directions. For example some people are artistic while others is the action that should be praised and not the child, the are more logical in their thinking. In their religious quest some presumption being that each child is always good. Our love for follow the gnan marg, they progress spiritually by the study of him is not dependent upon how he behaves. I think it is very the scriptures, while others make the same progress by the path important to communicate this to our children on a regular of devotion, the bhakti marg. There are seven different basis. If they can look at all the people that they come across in temperaments identified. People with similar temperaments this light, would not it be easier to forgive? Forgiveness are believed to be born under one ray. There are thus seven (kshamapana) is another quality Lord Mahavir strongly rays. Our children could belong to any of these rays and could encouraged. have inclinations and talents in different skills. Do we see the
When the child is given the freedom to be himself and to folly of comparing one child against another?
discover for himself where his happiness lies, the child will be It is essential that we expose our children to as much as we living naturally and using his talents to the best of his abilities. can-to art, music, nature and beauty. We should help them to Such a child will inevitably be of great service to the world. If discover where they find fulfilment. It could be something that we can manage to do this with our children, then we have we concur with. It may also happen that what we think is a fulfilled our responsibility as parents and as temporary good sport or art might not be what he or she wants to do. Too guardians of a soul who is on a journey towards perfection. often we try and impose our ideas and ambitions onto the defenceless child who wants so much to please and gain Divya Ajay Shah is a mother of two sons and an active member approval of the parents or teachers that he will try hard for a of the Theosophical Society. She lives in Nairobi, Kenya.
not belong to you."
September - November 2002. Jain Spirit
25