Jain Spirit 2002 06 No 11

Author(s): Jain Spirit UK
Publisher: UK Young Jains

Page 30

LIFESTYLE
ACCEPTANCE
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IS THE KEY
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28
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E WERE BOTH BORN IN LONDON IN the 1960s, into a moderate Jain family that was never deeply religious but had strong beliefs on life, love, religion and friendship.
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Over time, as a family, we also developed our thinking of death. We knew that life was short and time was precious. We also believed that some day, way into the future when we had moved on to the next life, we would all be together again. It was this thinking that was to help us through the most difficult years of our lives in the 1990s.
As a small family of four we had spent all our holidays together and shared happy memories. We had lived in the same house for many years and dealt with most day-to-❘ day matters in an open way. We loved each other as much as a family could and we had huge mutual respect - emotionally, physically and mentally. We very rarely fought and generally our parents came up with the right solutions to our questions. They used the example of their love for each other to show us how to deal with life and how to value and maximise our time. We were aware of illness and the frailties of the human body and we had experienced the death of two grandparents, but both of whom were overseas.
Around 1993, our mother, who was only 53 years old, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. It was a condition we knew little about and we had not been close to anyone who had had this disease. Our uncle (who is a doctor) told us what it meant and what could happen next, but no one really knew. We had to understand the reality of a set of options and probabilities,
Rohin and Raoul Shah publicly share their experience of their mother's death,
ve demonstrating the power of acceptance as opposed to fear or denial
Jain Spirit June-August 2002
theories and outcomes. Death was not on our mind but the possibility of death had now been raised to our consciousness. Survival rates were not good but new medicines were being discovered and old treatments were becoming more successful. The chances of success were better than
each previous year. We looked forward to each day with an air of hope. The importance of cancer research and support charities, and our relatively small donations over the years became hugely relevant.
The four of us started a long and untested journey, bonded by our love and respect and supported by our friends, family and the specialist doctors and nurses who looked after Mum. It was made up of intense feelings of hope, guilt, sadness, joy, helplessness and unity (sometimes all jumbled together). We experienced emotional highs and lows, the odd day of utter despair and many magical moments of indescribable happiness. Some of the emotions were new but we learned to cope in our own ways. The key focus became our precious time together and how we could maximise it. We spent every possible moment sharing our time and we gave and took energy and strength from each other. Each hour became our life and our life together became richer each day. The importance of time was redefined day by day. The power of love gave
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Images from the family album