Jain Spirit 1999 10 No 02

Author(s): Jain Spirit UK
Publisher: UK Young Jains

Page 27

LIFESTYLE
S
A
ASSERTIVE AHIMSA
A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO STAYING COOL WITHOUT LOSING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM
Hema Pokharna
the very word Jain is derived from the word 'Jina', meaning 'conqueror'. This refers to conquest over one's passions. Particularly important are anger, greed, deceit and lust, since these result in individual and collective violence in thought, word, and action. At the same time we as Jains must learn and understand that anger, pride, deceit and greed are very much a part of our lives today and that these will not disappear overnight. Life is filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. We as Jains must learn skills and tools to deal non-violently and compassionately with anger, conflict and stress.
The story of Chandakaushik has helped me clarify my understanding about non-violence. Chandakaushik was a big black poisonous snake, and he had bitten so many people that few dared go into the fields. Using his powers, Lord Mahavir, the Jain prophet and teacher, tamed and persuaded Chandakaushik to practise the discipline of non-violence. Within a short time the villagers discovered that the snake had become harmless, They took to throwing stones at it and dragging it about by its tail. After several days Lord Mahavir was very sad to find the snake wounded and battered, and he said to Chandakaushik, "What have you allowed to happen to yourself?" To which the snake replied, "But it was you who taught me to practise the discipline of nonviolence!" And Lord Mahavir said, "Chandakaushik I asked you to stop hurting, but I never told you to stop 'hissing'."
26 Jain Spirit
Violence to another is violence to
oneself - there is no separation
Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive, rather than aggressive, manner is healthy. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
At an intellectual level this is very easy to understand. At a practical level it is harder to implement. I felt my way through many explosive situations and have learned that to act non-violently in the face of violence requires a regular practice of meditation. Quiet moments help to experience compassion within ourselves and allow compassionate alternatives to arise from the heart.
• October December 1999
Regular time in prayer and meditation has helped me to find steadiness in my continuing choice of non-violence over violence. This has helped me to act with long-lasting, life-affirming consequences as opposed to a quick fix when faced with any form of vio
villaeth bic
lence. Nonviolent living is taking the time and energy to stop, breathe, and connect with myself and my inner core which is the source of divine wisdom. Living non-violently takes great courage, commitment and vigilance in a culture whose values are antithetical to this compassionate ethic of non-injury. The environment and the media encourage us to deal with anger violently. Hit someone, break something, throw a fit, smash a fist into the wall, or sometimes into another person! Our inability to be aware that we are angry and then control and manage our anger leads to violence. Conflict in our relationships with people around us is inevitable, but how we deal with the conflict is important.
Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage', according to Charles Spielberger, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as does the level of your energy hormones, adrenalin and noradrenalin. Anger is an adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival. All anger has a life-serving core, and so as Jains we can deal with anger non-violently, which does not mean that we suppress anger. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hyperten